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littlemsterious · 10 months

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Fix-it fic where instead of offering Crowley a position, Beelzebub assumes Crowley and AZ are fully together and tells him about them and Gabriel. the rest ofthe season doesnt happen and they springboard crowley and Az getting together

“In my car? really?” why did ze have to fill his car with flies, it was such a mess!

“Ello traitor,”

“oh! lord Beelzebub!” could this not have happened a minute earlier? outside?!

“I suppose you’re wondering why I called you here,” said Lord Beelzebub, lord of the flies all over his car!

“you came to me!” Crowley said, and, in a moment, the flies surrounded him and suddenly he was in hell.

“oh, I thought we had a” he spit a fly out, “generalised understanding.”

“We don’t.” Ze turned to look at him “You’re still a traitor. I could put a price on your head any time I wanted to.”

Crowley looked right back. “Is that a new face?”

“What, this old thing?” A chuckle “I’ve had it for ages.”

“Such a pity that Hell never appreciated your talents.”

“It is?” Ze were trying to butter him up for something. “Yeah, it is.” Might as well see what it is ze want.

“There’s news from Upstairs. Gabriel has gone missing.”

Yeah he was all too aware of that. “Ok, and?”

“You know Earth better than anyone.”

“You think I’d help hide the guy I hate?”

“Heaven is loosing it. They’ve started threatening Extreme Sanctions.”

“Those don’t actually exist. We used to make that up to scare the cherubs.”

“No, they do!” Ze looked at him intently. “They erase your name from the book of life. You won’t just die, you’ll have never existed.” Ze lean back. “But, if you did find Gabriel, Hell would reward you.”

“Yeah, I’m not exactly a fan of the guy, but I’m also not a fan of coming back here.” Crowley rolled his eyes. “I promise, I’d rather have nothing to do with him or any of this.”

Zir face darkened, and Ze got quiet. Ze turned around, got up, walked to the door, and locked it, before returning to the seat next to Crowley.

“Crowley? Listen. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I didn’t think you’d get it. and you can't tell anyone about this, you understand?” Something was up. Lord Beelzebub never used people’s names, not properly.

“What on Earth are you talking about?“

“Just, shut up okay?” Ze paused and he could feel himself getting more nervous. “I’m not looking for Gabriel for Hell. I’m- I’m worried about him.”

“What do you mean you’re worried about him? Gabriel? The archangel of heaven?” What kind of elaborate joke was this meant to be?

Beelzebub tilted zir head and pursed zir lips, “We’ve” ze nodded, once, “we’ve been seeing each other.”

The two stared at each other for a second.

“Romantically.”

Crowley felt his jaw loosen and his eyes widen.

“You? Have been dating? The Archangel Gabriel?”

Beelzebub rolled zir eyes “You make it sound so human.”

“I don't believe you.”

“What.”

“I don't believe you.” He leaned forward. “You could just be saying that.”

“And why would I do that?” Ze shifted zir weight and leaned to the side.

“I don't know?! To trick me because you think I’m working to help Gabriel?!” It even sounded crazy to say out loud, despite, technically, being true.

I was gonna come up with some sort of magical proof for this but I started feeling unwell and just wanted to post this. So just pretend Beelzebub said something here that made sense. Sorry. I might get around to adding something here later.

Crowley sat for a minute, pondering. Beelzebub looked at him.

“There’s a coffee shop, cross the street from the bookshop. Meet me there in an hour.”

Beelzebub looked up at him, wide-eyed, then lifted zir chin. “An hour.”

And Crowley was back in his car.

The walk back to the bookstore was, in short, short, and not long enough to figure out how to explain this to Aziraphale.

Eh, whatever. He threw open the door, “I’m back”

“I can see that.” He didn’t even look up from his desk.

“Listen, angel, we don’t have a lot of time, I figured out what’s going on. it’s—“

“Are you going to help?”

Crowley sighed, “Yes yes, sure. I’m helping. Listen, Angel—“

Finally, Aziraphale stood up and turned towards Crowley. “I think I need an apology first.”

“We literally have less than an hour for me to explain what’s happened. I will apologise all you like, later. But right now, we do not have time.”

Aziraphale stared at him. “What could possibly be so urgent that we have less than an hour?”

“Gabriel, I figured out, well at least part of it." Crowley folded his glasses, and set them on the table. "I don't have the full story, but I have enough of it.”

“Well?”

“He’s seeing someone.”

“Gabriel?!”

Crowley nods.

“Seeing someone?”

He nods again.

“How could you possibly know?”

“Because that someone,” Crowley walks up closer to Aziraphale, “came to me looking for him.”

“Meaning it’s someone you know?”

“Oh, someone I know all too well.” he rolled his eyes.

“Is it someone I know?”

“I’d say so, yeah.”

“Well who, stop stalling,” he said huffily.

“You’re not gonna believe me, Angel.”

“Crowley.”

“Lord Beelzebub”

Aziraphale stares at him. “You’re right I don't believe you.” He slaps his arm. “What kind of silly game are you playing?”

“Oh it’s no game, Ze proved it.”

“Proved it? how?”

[Insert Proof Here]

“Well I suppose that might change some things.”

“Oh you suppose?”

“Well I’m just trying to understand!” Aziraphale said in a huff. “Gabriel and Beelzebub? I can’t image what they might share, or see in each other!”

“Definitely a rather odd pair.”

“Most.” Aziraphale paused. “But what were you in such a rush about.”

“I told Beelzebub I’d meet them in the coffee shop cross the road in-“ he looked to the clock. “Less than thirty minutes now.”

“Why so soon?”

“We don’t know how long until Heaven comes knocking on your door looking for him.”

They sat for several minutes with that thought.

“Hey, if you two aren’t busy,” Gabriel stopped dusting and came over, “where does the dust go?”

Aziraphale tuned out Crowley’s answers to Gabriel’s various dust questions and wondered to himself. After some time, he spoke up.

“You stay in here with him. I’ll go to the coffee shop.”

“Well, ze’re not gonna listen to you.”

“Yes well, you weren’t here. I was.” he grabs his coat. "I have the full story. Besides, I have every right to make sure ze're telling the truth before letting zem into the shop. Ze will enjoy dealing with me much less."

“Fine.”

He shut the door and walked quickly across the busy street.

Lord Beelzebub looks up to see Aziraphale walk in. Alone.

“Where’s Crowley?”

“Oh, he’s busy. I understand we need to have a talk?”

Ze lean back in the chair. "Maybe. What’s he told you?”

“Back again Mr. Fell?” Nina interrupts.

"Oh yes, very busy day today."

"Right, what can I get for you and your friend?"

"A hot chocolate for me, Nina."

She turns to look at Beelzebub.

"Coffee. Whatever dark roast you've got."

"Sounds good." And she left.

"I didn't know you ate."

"Yeah, and?" Ze looked at him. "Mr. Fell? Really?"

"Have to be called something."

Ze rolled their eyes as Nina brought their cups. They both took a long sip.

“So?”

Aziraphale sighed. “This morning, I heard a commotion outside, and when I opened the door, it was Gabriel, with nothing but a box.”

“I mean, he’s normally carrying nothing. what kinda box, how big wazzit?”

“You misunderstand me. He wasn’t wearing anything, just holding the box. I suppose about this big?” He gestured with his hands.

Beelzebub's eyes grew. “What’s he doing that for? And why’d he come here?”

“I don't know. And apparently, neither does he. That’s the thing, he doesnt remember anything.”

“Nothing?”

Aziraphale shook his head. “Not at all.”

Beelzebub chewed zir lip.

“What in heaven coulda happened for him to get like that?”

“I don't know. He said something about bringing the box in order to prevent something terrible happening to him. But it was empty when I checked it.”

Beelzebub’s face sold AZ more than any proof could have. Ze looked so worried, Aziraphale almost felt awkward still sitting there.

“I wanta see the box.” Ze looked him in the eye. “and then I wanna see him.”

Aziraphale took one last sip of his hot chocolate before the pair headed out the door.

They got to the front step of the bookshop and Aziraphale held open the door.

“You can-“ He looked at zir face as ze raised an eyebrow. “You may come in.” He said, tensely.

“Thanks.” Ze took a few steps in and look around. “Now where’s this box”

“Hi! I’m Jim." Gabriel walked over from behind a shelf. "Do you enjoy chairs? I think I’m starting to really like them.”

Beelzebub’s eyes lit up when ze saw Gabriel in a way that made Aziraphale’s heart flutter.

“Hey there.” Ze walked up to Gabriel, more gently than he’d ever seen zem.

Gabriel squinted. “Do we know each other?”

"Sorta."

“Cool! But the chair thing.”

“I do like a good chair. How are you feeling?”

“Um. Weird. But it's been getting better since I figured out the whole chair thing.” He sits down in the closest chair.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.

Ze lean down, hold his head between zir hands, and kiss him gently on the forehead.

“Um, okay,” Jim says with a grin. “What was that?”

“Don't worry,” Beelzebub says softly, "we’ll figure this out.”

“Okay! Figure what out?”

Beelzebub smiles before turning to Aziraphale and Crowley. “Where’s the box?”

“Oh, right of course,” Aziraphale says, turning quickly to grab it off his desk. “I’m afraid it was empty when he arrived.”

“Hmm.”

Lord Beelzebub opens the box. Ze inspects the inside for several minutes, running zir fingers along the inside as if to feel for a tear or inconsistency. Finding nothing, ze sighed and leans over it, looking closer at the inside.

Another minute passes before Beelzebub sits down and closes zir eyes for just a moment. Aziraphale, feeling rather awkward, breaks the silence. “So, when did the two of you, well, I mean—“

“Start meeting up?”

“Yes, exactly”

Beelzebub chuckles. “Bout right after Armageddon failed to happen. We met up to figure out what to do about, well, Armageddon. So really we ‘ave you two to thank. not just for that, but y’know. I guess seeing the two of you together made it all feel a bit less crazy. a bit more possible.”

Crowley stood up a bit straighter, his shoulder’s at his ears, and his eyes wide.

Aziraphale sputtered. “The two of us?”

Beelzebub didn't seem to notice either of them. “Yeah.” Ze chuckled and looked up. “So what about you? When’d you two get together?”

Crowley bit his tongue.

“I- mhm- I'm afraid you have us wrong. We are not together, in that sense.” Aziraphale says, looking to the opposite end of the bookshop from Crowley.

Beelzebub looks at Aziraphale, turns to look at Crowley, and then back at Aziraphale. “Are you having me on?”

“No, I am not having you on.” He says, the phrase unfamiliar in his mouth.

Beelzebub turns zir head back to Crowley, “Is he having you on?”

“Uh, no, he is not,” Crowley says, stiffly.

Zir eyes flit back and forth between the pair.

“How long have you two been working together, again?”

Aziraphale, still not looking, tilts his head and says, “I believe The Arrangement we have to work together goes about six hundred years?”

“No. No. Gabriel said you two were seen together way before that.”

“Formally, working together. We’d bump into each other on occasion before that.” Crowley says, tone relaxed but back still very stiff.

“And how long has that been going on?” Zir eyebrows were furrowed.

"All of time?”

Ze stare at him. “The two of you,” ze point from one to the other. “have been meeting for six thousand years?”

“Off and on yes.”

“Huh.” Ze seem to consider this as ze lean back in the chair.

A minute or so pass before ze stand up again, and call out. “Jim?”

Gabriel peeks around the bookshelf. “Yeah! That’s me.”

“You brought the box here?”

“Uhhhhh,” he looks into the distance. “I think so”

“Do you remember where you got it from?” Ze lean on zir elbows over the box “Or how long you carried it for?”

“Uhhhh, noooo?” He shakes his head “Yeah, no I don't think so.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Crowley says rolling his head back.

“Will you calm down?” Aziraphale says.

Crowley throws himself into a chair, almost entirely sideways in it, with his head lolling back. “Yeah, yeah patience whatever.” He pauses and turns his head, “What’s that on the bottom there?”

“Where?”

“The box, it’s hanging just off the edge of the table.” He reaches out and points “It looks like a mark or something”

Beelzebub straightens up, looks down, before spinning the box between zir hands. Sure enough, black scrawl handwriting stretches across the bottom.

“I am in the fly.” Aziraphale reads over Beelzebub's shoulder “What fly?”

Beelzebub looks up and makes eye contact with Crowley before glancing around the room.

“Well?” Crowley asks “Is there a fly?”

“Just one,” Zir looking at one spot, rather intently, now. “and it’s familiar.” Ze hold out zir hand. “Come here”

A fly buzzes over to zem and lands on zir hand.

“There you are.”

Aziraphale tilts his head and looks at the fly. Crowley sits up straight in the chair.

“Jim?” Ze say again.

Gabriel, who had started to wander the bookshop again, calls back. “Yes! That’s still my name!”

“Could you come over here?” Ze say, softly.

“Oh! uh, yes!” Gabriel comes careening back around the shelves. “Hello.”

Beelzebub, ever so gently, walks over next to him, fly still in hand.

“This is yours”

Gabriel reaches out, finger barely touching Beelzebub’s. the fly crawls over to his hand, and he holds it up to look at it. “Open it.”

Gabriel holds it up, closer to his eye and it flies in.

He jolts, arms out, and stares off into space. Barely a moment passes before the glaze falls from his eyes, replaced by recognition.

“Aziraphale!” he says, making eye contact and surprisingly chipper. He turns to his left, and, still just as cheerful, says “Crowley!” He turns the other way, and Aziraphale can see his shoulders relax when he sees zem.

“Hey,” he says, in a much softer voice.

Beelzebub smiles, a soft warm smile. “hey.”

“I was coming to you.”

“It seems you got about halfway. I just had to come the other half.”

"Well I'm glad you're here."

“If you two are done yet," Crowley says, "I’m not a big fan of ceasing to exist when heaven realises you’re here.”

“What?” Gabriel and Aziraphale say in unison.

Beelzebub rolls zir eyes. “Heaven’s in a tizzy looking for you. Started threatening extreme sanctions to anyone hiding information.”

“Those don't really exist… do they?”

“Oh they do, it’s just not something done very often. A bit extreme, y’know, ceasing to exist.”

“So the Supreme Archangel going missing would qualify for that?”

“Well, technically, I’m not supreme archangel anymore.”

All three of the them seemed shocked at that.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I'm with him, how?"

“Yeah, we were discussing the redo for Armageddon and I voted against it, so I got fired.” He shrugged.

“Wouldn't that mean you just go to hell like the rest of us? Be with zem?”

“No! Actually. I thought that too. They apparently decided it would be better to erase my memory and demote me. Which is not my idea of a good time.” He smirked.

“Oh dear.” Aziraphale spoke, quietly. He felt faint. Was that really how heaven was looking these days?

“Yeah, damn.” Beelzebub turned to look at Gabriel. “That’s much worse than I’d’ve expected from up top.”

“Yeah, I wasn't expecting it myself.” Gabriel shrugged. “Anyway, you are so right. We should get out of here.” He snapped his fingers and his blanket robe was replaced with light grey shacks and a pressed button-up shirt.

“if Heaven drops by,” Gabriel says, snapping at them both, “tell them I stopped by for a cup of hot chocolate, before heading out.” He laughs, “Technically, it’s not even a lie!”

Beelzebub grabs his hand and pulls him toward the door. “and you two” Ze turn back, still walking, “figure yourselves out. talk, properly, for once in your lives.”

“Hm?” Gabriel looks at zem.

“They’re not together. You said they’d been together for ages, and they’re not. They’re dancing around it.”

Gabriel looked at them and scoffed, “Yeah, you two should talk.”

They stepped outside, and Crowley, who had followed them to the door, shut and locked it behind them. The two didn't even notice as they disappeared into the busy street.

"Can you believe, the two of them, together, it seems almost ridiculous. And Heaven knows what on earth they were talking about--"

"Angel."

"--I mean making those kinds of assumptions--"

"Angel."

"--Talking as if they know us better than we know ourselves. We've always been distant from our respective offices--"

"Angel!"

"-they don't know us at all! It's an entirely ridiculous notion altogether, I suppose it's a good thing this worked itself out so quickly-"

"ANGEL!"

"-I think it's rather a good thing we won't be hearing from them for some time, seeing as--"

"AZIRAPHALE!"

The angel freezes, quieting himself. He looks up and makes eye contact with Crowley.

"We've known each other for a long time. And I think we both know that's not true."

Crowley took several steps forward until he was just in front of Aziraphale, their eyes never leaving each others.

"You and I have been together for a long time." He bites his tongue and looks off. "We've always relied on each other. We're a team, a group. And we've spent our existance pretending that we aren't." Another pause. "And I would like to spend-" He groans. "I would like to spend the rest of it, with you. Properly."

"Properly?"

Crowley leans into Aziraphale's space. "Properly."

Aziraphale leans the rest of the way, taking his face between his hands and looks him deep in the eyes.

“You know that’s rather sweet of you, Crowley.”

Crowley opened his mouth to respond but Aziraphale’s lips were on his before he got the chance.

#Micheal and Uriel come by about a week later asking after Gabriel #it’s unbelievably awkward #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens #good omens fanfiction #ineffable beurocracy #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens beelzebub #gabriel good omens

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