#idk. weird vent post ig.

[yergink]

see, in theory i like the idea of searching around and trying to join some fandom discord servers but the problem is i am a Scared Animal.

#marine blogs #sigh. #i like the idea of engaging more w fandom community #like. particularly with ofmd! #considering it's really the first big currently-active fandom i've participated in #but i am! so bad! at talking! i am so unbelievably awkward and i get overwhelmed so easily #and its like.. the new season is happening and i'd love to be able to talk more about it with people #who have an equal amount of pirate brainrot as me #rather than just. bothering my friends who are nowhere close to as invested in the show as i am #idk. weird vent post ig. #this is very much a Me Problem/Personal Thing/Skill Issue that i need to work through but it can be very frustrating

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[perroulisses]

Tired

A part of a comic i made some time ago

Waos waos waos

#comic art #original comic #comics #vent (?) #i mean it kinda was back then but now it's just it ig #i feel weird about it #I won't post the other and first part of it lol #artists on tumblr #idk bro I'm tired #i need to sleeeeep #AAAAAAAH

[chaoticgouda]

#nonbinary #(saved this bc the first tweet op posted felt mean and made me uncomfortable) #but I still wanted to vent about this because what is restraint and boundaries online amirite #so here we go again: #I feel uncomfortable being called my irl name everywhere except at work and I feel like that’s bc the worksona i crafted #is so irontight that I’m fine being a Lady there but it low-key rankles me anywhere else #idk if that’s a gender thing or just a case of apathy and extreme alienation from myself though #I’d rather die than ever talk to my co-workers about other pronouns or anything though bc the gossip would spread throughout work within- #the hour. and it’s not like people would be really awkward about it (I hope) because I think I’m generally liked by my coworkers. but I’d #hate to be pitied or misunderstood. and it’s not like i have dysphoria or anything so I don’t personally feel justified in calling myself #trans. I’m just alienated from womanhood. but that could also be because i don’t have an interest in most socially-expected ‘woman things’ #and bc I’m not mentally well or het. and that inherently separates you from the expected Girl Experience. #this is really rambly and nonsensical okay I guess if I really thought about it I’d love to be called Krill by everyone because it has less #baggage and feels more like me. but i’m not necessarily upset at being called my RL name. I don’t have dysphoria I just have mild ick. #like I’d prefer being considered a They and not being expected to be any gender at all. but it doesn’t kill me inside y’know #it’s fine. #if you read through this weird personal ramble then thanks ig?

[someforeignband]

sending love to all of my US friends who are spending time with family today–especially if the relationship you have with said family is complicated. you are loved and deserve to be happy. the way your biological family treats you does not determine your worth. you always deserve love. you always deserve happiness.

#idk this has been my mantra today #if you guys need it too… i’m sorry #i’m trying not to vent too much bc like i don’t wanna put that on u guys but #this season is really hard and complicated #thanksgiving esp is weird with my family #it’s a fucked up holiday anyway but #grief and loss makes things weird #anyway #ej speaks #sad post ig

[xolborsaysstuff]

I don't think I've ever felt this safe during the day now that they're gone. Not sure what that says about me tbh that I feel safe and free only when my parents are no longer able to do anything but ah well. Like I'm now okay with going to sleep and no longer try to stay up to the point of exhaustion out of dread for dealing with the tomorrow. This Monday feels actually normal and not the worst day of the week. Damn.

#xolmumbles #Vent post #Vent but. Not really. #vent #It's not like I'm alone now or anything #I still have many people living here and all that #so... Ig it really was just them??? That's so weird lmao but idk

[reddiamondyeet]

Having soooo many good art ideas but they're all super obviously about kinnie emotions.

#red rants #ig. idk #but literally. the characters never interact in canon and nearly everyone agrees they would not interact the way they do when I kin them #so if I were to post it it'd either be a lot of people being like “your headcanons are weird and stupid” #which fair enough I kinda did develop headcanons about how they interact based on my kinning experiences but eh #or people'd be like “hey get your obvious kinning shit out of the fucking tags” #I've gotten away with posting stuff that's technically vent art but they're all minor and I felt better by the time I chose to post then #these ideas I'm getting would be way more obvious and like... ugh can I just get ideas for stuff I'm willing to post???

[birdb1tch]

realistically, i probably shouldve known that reading fire and blood would just make me not like hotd, even with how little i knew about the changes from asoif to game of thrones

my biggest issues are the sheer amount of violence against women solely to build the character of the men assaulting them. not to show how the women in these stories have suffered, not for the women to overcome, not for the conversation to be focused on the women that were harmed, only to show you the character of the men in the show, and most times these men are given a pass.

not only are these instances just passingly brought up, but the show has done such a bad job at portraying these moments as the worst of the worst (especially when i comes to alicent, because why tf are there so many people that truly believe that she “seduced” him, and that hes the real victim)

#tw vent #violence tw #tw ​violence against women #anti hotd #not really related to this post #but also the way the timeline was handled was weird #because why start in what’s essentially the middle of fire and blood instead of starting at the conquest #esp since they had to sacrifice really going into the great council #AND because the show literally says at the start that it takes place 300 years b4 asoiaf BUT THATS NOT TRUE BECAUSE THEYRE NOT // #// STARTING AT THE CONQUEST THEYRE STARTING 100 YEARS AFTER IT #idk man idk #shut up cj #fire and blood spoilers #ig

[piesa2]

my dog has been with us through nearly the entirety of my teens, we got him when i was nearly or barely eleven, he was two years old then. in one and a half hours the vet is coming to gently put him down. i turn twenty in two and a half months, according to his official documents he wouldve turned eleven two weeks and one day before my birthday.

#i love him. im devastated. im barely crying. its weird #i can deal with it #i dont like to vent on social media but idk i want to post this #im allowed that i think #cw animal death #ig lol #personal #vent #tw animal death #for good measure

[heavywizardsguy]

Idk if this is Only me whos notices it but something that sucks about being fat or chubby n afab in gen or generally fem presenting is that it really feels like ur not allowed to make jokes about it. Like idk man fat guys n masc presenting ppl seem 2 be allowed to make a lot more lighthearted jokes about it then fat ladies or feminine presentin ppl n its like ur Just supposed to sit there n hate the way ur body looks with nothing to break it up like ur not allowed to cope with humor or anything cuz it just seems weird for us in specific to do it. No shame to fat dudes/masc ppl here cuz like they all deserve the world too n have a Unique set of challenges with this but like. Idk this specific one it just feels like its More shameful for us in specific to cope thru humor/poke fun at a general part of ourselves

#gill thinks(?) #this isnt to say that coping thru humor with body issues/body shit in gen is always healthy #obv i dont think its good if ur poking fun at things to an unhealthy extend #but like. idk. it feels like. weird 2 even describe myself as chubby or w/e because of the ppl around me #n with humor 2 cope specifically like. i think about my weight n my lungs in the same way ig and i feel like im less allowed to make jokes #about the first #w/e #weight #weight talk #venty post #vent post #vent #rant #not sure if i need the vent post tags but jic someone doesnt wanna see those i tagged em 👍^^

[yosh-iro]

mfw i try to draw something but it looks like something i wouldve drawn when i was 12 when i havent drawn since i was 12

#i hate it so much but also what did i expect?????? #yeah i dont think imma be getting back into actual art ever again lmao #like doing the occasional manga colouring is whatever (not that i post any of those really) #but part of me feels so let down cuz this was the only thing i was good at for so long and people expected me to keep doing it #so ig i just feel like a disappointment #thats not new to me but it feels so much worse now #oh well ig #i have no drive or motivation to improve and trying to draw gets me so frustrated cuz i havent drawn in like 7 years lmao #i dont think im ever gonna bother with this again #feels weird to say that and its kinda like im letting go of the last thing i used to genuinely enjoy #but i genuinely have no reason to try getting back into it #side note #i think im depressed and spiralling again and idk if im gonna try to stop that either at this point #the past month has been shit and idk how much longer i can take it lol #vent post #yoshi talk

[waywardsalt]

>:3

#i feel like sisyphus in this job space tonight so assorted bellumbeck thoughts go #tryjng to not touch on the stuff im writing an actual post on bjt i might repeat stuff and get into ship territory #so like. i enjoy getting way too deep abt bellumbeck and the possible parallels and w/e between bellum n linebeck #things to get deeper abt them and connections between them. abt linebeck being somehow more drawn to bellum than oshus #tryina get my mind off of things. school work world at large yknow. uh. trying to stay optimistic. idk if thats a good idea rn #anyways. um. something abt like. bellum is to linebeck as the spirits are to link. linebeck and link as the two major human main characters #being kind of strongly associated with these opposing forces? linebeck and link being foils/generally very different #yknow? like maybe oshus/the spirits ofc choose him in a sense bc he aligns with their goals and beliefs #while linebeck aligns more with bellum’s goals (which ig you can infer with some similarities between them from what you see) #yeah. making it way deeper than it actually is. bellum meeting linebeck in the middle in some form before just yknow. fucking with him #the thing between linebeck and bellum is so fun. it starts with bellum just throwing all of linebecks trauma at him and that backfiring #then trying to get him on to his side with the whole like i mean you do fantasize abt murder dude and then that falling flat #and then just giving up and getting violent and then THAT backfires bc uh oh he started venting by accident n linebecks kinda into this #its half weird silly visceral homoerotic WHATEVER and the just straight up literary analysis of this 17 year old game #oh god ph is turning 17 this year. now THAT makes me feel old #anyyyyyways. i do like linebeck kind of being v similar to bellum. the disdain for ciela. a mlre chaotic and self serving way of life. #hatred for ppl who try to limit or control him. bit of a scrappier n frantic mindset when scared. loves to hit da bricks when shit sucks #i am putting them together like little dolls i think brllumbeck is really interesting to get wayyyy too invested in.

[spxcesuits]

been sitting on 2 complete drawings that i picked up after abandoning + 1 old wip for like a month now and i just cant bring myself to post any art even tho i should just do it

#idk ive been in a weird space with 3h art bc basically all the ppl who actually talk to me have moved on from it which makes me feel like #embarrassed to post abt it? but at the same time im also kinda moving on #the problem is that i dont really feel the need to make transformative works out of most of the media i enjoy #it's like basically just fire emblem that inspires me bc of how characters are written lol #huge problem for me who has loved dunmeshi since volume 5 came out and want to make fanart now that it is huge but #i just dont feel the need to make transformative work bc the story is already so complete and satisfying to me. idk just venting ig lol

[vvbitchfxck]

Rant

#rant post #vent ish #just pissed off #Was on twitter and accidentally made someone uncomfortable so i apologized and suggested that its cool if they block me #Think they took it the wrong way because they seem to have this mentality of “Blocking = Giving someone the win” #Idk it was just weird #Icked me too #I was trying to say i was fine with whatever since its their account and theyre allowed to cater it to their want #Ig something got lost in translation because they just wouldnt block me??? Idfk. #They admitted to muting me??? They kept saying they didnt want to see the stuff I said and i just want them to block me if its that bad?? #They mentioned crying in class??? Someone else stepped in and i got more confused...??? #hep

[anachronistic-falsehood]

the crippling existential dread is getting to me

#whiskey yelling into the void #will prolly delete later i would post on my vent insta instead but my phone is in my roOM AND i dont wanna get it #sitting here having a god damn crisis listening to fucking. cabinet man. #non graphic mentions of sh in following tags btw i juust need to fucking. talk. agh. >> #my eyebrow razors are in my bathroom they are There i haven't thrown them out. they are there. #i won't. i promise. but. they're There #i think i just need to sit in my room alone for a bit maybe i'll ink my monev drawing or something idk #im just not having a good fuckin time rn it's just a weird mix of things in my brain and idk what it is #def part of it is going to a funeral a couple weeks ago it wasn't even for someone i was close to but when u live in a small town #you kinda know everyone and this guy was the dad of a family who was a friend of my family and it's just. weird. that he's gone. ig #and ofc i can't even remember the last time i ever spoke with him but it's still weird?? knowing that he's not around??? #and it got my thinking about my own dad and what might happen when he's gone and etc etc etc. #it's just. idk. thoughts of death lately and how much it scares the shit out of me #and i h8 pain but it does kinda remind me that im alive yk #its not just the funeral thats fuckin with me theres a lot of things but it all leads to existential dread anyway #i need to go to sleep i think

[coffeeflavored-tears]

i love using this app as my diary <3 i don’t need to go get anything i can just spill my secrets here and hope no one sees them <3

#anyway uh. feeling unloved and unwanted and just all around sad right now #which is weird cuz i haven’t felt like that in like. months now #since like october? and it’s just. :( #i think it started when my friends in apah just didn’t talk to me #which is like fine it wasn’t like i was trying to initiate conversation but :(((( #and then just. other things that i’ve seen #just other people being happy and now i’m jealous and crying at lunch but like 👍 #anyway uh. usually looking at my loveposting tag makes me happier but :/ idk this time it’s just made it worse #i just wanna go home and hole up in my room and cry #but no i’m stuck here and i still don’t know which keys are which on the piano #my post #venting ig #<- that’ll be the tag now