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redwineconversation · 10 months

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Ellie Carpenter The Australian Article (June 30, 2023)

I'll be honest, I was - and to be frank, still am - in two minds about posting this, because I feel there are certain passages which invite nutcases to harass Carpenter and/or van de Donk, and I don't want to be responsible for enabling that kind of behavior.

On the flip side, there's also interesting facts / stories in here, and I think it provides an insight on a player that if we are still being honest with each other, we don't really know that much about.

Blah blah not associated with The Australian, if OL Comms wanted to chip in for my AC bill whom am I to say no to that, etc etc.

ELLIE CARPENTER THE AUSTRALIAN ARTICLE

It's the biggest game of her life but Ellie Carpenter is being carried off on a stretcher. The replay is a sickening sight, causing groans among the 32,000-strong crowd. Her left knee has buckled beneath her, leaving the 22-year-old thumping the ground in agony. Her Women's Champions League final is over and maybe so much more.

Waves of pain from her ruptured ACL make it hard for the young Australian to think clearly as she is lifted off the field after only 13 minutes playing for her club Lyon against Barcelona in Turin on May 21 last year. And yet, at this moment, she is focusing harder than she has ever thought possible. The girl from Cowra, the former child prodigy of Australian soccer, wipes the tears from her eyes and stares straight up at the sky as if in a trance.

"Count," she tells herself as her stretcher makes its way out of the stadium to the applause of the sympathetic crowd. "Count the months."

"I was thinking, 'Oh shit, what month is it?' Carpenter recalls. "It's usually a 12-month recovery [from an ACL injury] and I needed to count the months until I could play again. So in my head I was going like 'June, July, August' and then I'm like 'YES, YES, YES, I'll make it. I'll recover in time for our World Cup."

Almost exactly 12 months later Carpenter, now 23, bounces into a cafe in central Lyon, France, with her blonde hair in a bun, wearing a T-shirt and shorts and a grin on her face. It's a wet spring day, but the sun is shining again for Carpenter after a horror year. She is back on the field, playing again for Olympique Lyonnais, the best women's team in the world. Off the field, she is happy and in love. She has bought a house just outside Lyon with her partner and teammate, Danielle van de Donk, one of the best footballers on the planet, who also plays for the Netherlands national team.

Across the English Channel, the superstar captain of the Australian Matildas, Sam Kerr, is kicking goals and doing backflips for her club Chelsea. For Carpenter, who is as important to the Matildas' backline as Kerr is to the forward line, the stars are finally aligning for Australia's tilt at the biggest women's sporting event, the FIFA Women's World Cup. "I don't think I'll realise how big it's going to be until I walk out for that first game," she says, cradling a hot chocolate. "We have a team that could do something really special, we have great players who are in form and we are playing in front of our home crowds. It's gonna be massive. I think we have a really good chance but I don't want to jinx myself," she says, tapping the table for good luck.

If the rapid-fire ticket sales are any guide, Carpenter may be underestimating the reception that awaits her and the Matildas.

The World Cup, to run from July 20 to August 20, jointly hosted by Australia and New Zealand, will see an estimated 83,000 watch Australia's opening match against Ireland at Sydney's Accor Stadium - more than double the Matildas' previous high attendance of 36,000. The opening match was moved from the 42,5000-seat Sydney Football Stadium to the 83,000-seat Stadium Australia (known as Accor Stadium for sponsorship purposes) to meet the surging demand for tickets. At least 15 million people are expected to attend the games in Australia and New Zealand with an estimated worldwide audience of two billion. FIFA predicts the World Cup will encourage up to 400,000 girls to take up soccer in Australia.

"It's crazy now, women's football," says Carpenter. "I've seen it go from here to here," she says, moving her hands towards the sky.

Marketing surveys show the Matildas have overtaken the men's Wallabies rugby union in popularity, something that would once have seemed unthinkable for a team that only formed in 1978 and for years had to play on substandard ovals. The small crowds that came to watch them play in those days were mostly family and friends.

"it's incredible to see where this team has come from to be one of our biggest sporting brands ... so many players have paved the way for this moment," says Heather Garriock, who played 130 games for the Matildas between 1999 and 2011.

For years Matildas players were paid a pittance, having to hold down second jobs while playing for the national team. In the early days one player recalled how a teammate called the coach before an international match to say she would be late because her shift at Woolies didn't finish until 530pm. In the lead-up to the 2000 Sydney Olympics, the Matildas were so desperate to secure sponsorship and public support that 12 of them posed naked for a calendar to get attention. Fast forward to today and the Matildas are a household name, and Kerr is arguably the most recognizable Australian sports star in the world. In May, wearing a sharp black suit, she carried the Australian flag into Westminster Abbey for the coronation of King Charles II.

But it will take more than Kerr's soccer royalty of the Matildas to realise their dream of winning a home World Cup.

On a cold spring evening in London on the eve of the coronation, Kerr is playing to script, slamming the winning goal for her team Chelsea against Liverpool with just minutes to go. As she leaves the ground I ask her what she thinks about having Carpenter back with the Matildas for the World Cup. "Ellie is one of the best players in the world," says Kerr, who described Carpenter as "irreplaceable" when she injured her ACL last year. "We've missed her and she's a great personality to have on the team... I'm feeling good, I'm feeling excited [about the World Cup]."

A few days later, Carpenter is sprinting up the right wing, weaving the ball around her teammates during morning training near the Parc Olympique Lyonnais stadium on the outskirts of Lyon. It is just over two months since she made her comeback from her injury and the previous weekend she was one of the team's best players in their 3-0 win over Dijon.

She calls out to her teammates in French and jokes with them in French, but if she makes a mistake on the field, the word "shit" rings out across the ground in an Aussie twang.

Her bilingual world in Lyon, a French foodie capital crammed with UNESCO World Heritage sites, is a reminder of just how many lives Carpenter has squeezed into her 23 years. "It all started here," she says, pointing to a tattoo on her ankle that shows the outline of Cowra, her hometown of 12,500 people in the Central West of NSW. "it's one main street, two sets of traffic lights, a place where we knew everyone and everyone knew the Carpenters."

Looking back, Carpenter's unlikely rise from the streets of Cowra to international soccer star was both a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing because she lived the real-life sporting fairy-tale. This was the tell in which a determined young country girl becomes a prodigy of the game, shattering every barrier in her path to find herself playing for Australia at the age of just 15 and then at the age of 16 at the 2016 Rio Olympics, the youngest ever female footballer in the world to compete in an Olympics.

The curse was that she was so good, so early, that she was a kid playing among adults, being thrust into the spotlight aead of her time, before she was ready and before she had the to grow up. "I hated it sometimes," she says. "I was always the youngest. People would say, oh, you're the youngest ever Olympian or you're the youngest ever to score a goal, the youngest thing, the youngest that. I was playing with people who were 10 or 15 years older than me and you had to mature very quickly. It was hard with the pressure, the spotlight, the critics... I wasn't prepared for that at the time."

"I've been in the public eye since I was 15 and now people think I'm 30 but I'm still just 23, one of the youngest on the team."

Belinda Carpenter still scratches her head about how her daughter fell in love with soccer. "She was highly energetic, she never sat still but she did all sports - a bit of athletic, AFL, soccer, cricket, even triathlon, cheerleading and trapeze," she says. Belinda and her then husband Scott, who were Physical Education teachers in Cowra, encouraged Carpenter and he older brother Jeremy to dabble in any activity that took their fancy. "Ellie also did ballet, so she would play football in the morning and then go to ballet with muddy knees under those pink stockings," Belinda recalls.

"I think I always knew I would be a sportsperson, because ever since I could walk I was running," says Carpenter. "I think I could have done any sport really because I was also good at swimming and athletics. I was a tomboy. I didn't really have a normal childhood. I never went to parties like other girls, I just wanted to play sports."

She played soccer from an early age but her path as a serious player began by accident when, at the age of about seven, she watched her brother Jeremy train with the NSW country soccer team. "I was just on the sidelines waiting for him, juggling the ball on my own, when the coach came up and said that I could join their next session. I was the only girl and the boys were much older than me. I don't remember this but apparently I was like, really good, smashing all the boys."

Belinda and Scott decided to give both Ellie and Jeremy the chance to compete in competitions across the state. This required a brutal schedule of long drives for training and games. "Honestly I can't believe they did that for me," Carpenter says. "From Cowra we used to drive to Canberra every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, which was more than two hours there and back, and then sometimes we would play in Sydney which was four hours there and back on the same day. I would spend so much time in the car, doing my homework or making up quizzes and things just to pass the time."

By the time Carpenter was 12, it was clear that she had natural talent but could no longer be nurtured from Cowra. So Belinda quit her job and moved with both the children to Sydney so they could attend Westfield Sports High School in Sydney's west, which had a specialist sports program.

It was a big school in a big city, a culture shock for a country girl. "It was a huge change, I became this small fish in a big sea," she says. Not long afterwards, her parents divorced, a time which she describes as difficult and sad.

The following year, aged 13, Carpenter went to watch the Matildas play in Sydney. "I think there was a maximum of 1000 people there but I watched the national team play and I was like 'Oh, sick, I want to be that.' Then two years later, I was on that team. It was crazy."

Carpenter's precocious talent turned heads in the soccer world at that time, and things unfolded quickly. She broke into the "Mini-Matildas" under-17 team at the age of 14, and when she turned 15 signed her first professional contract with the then W-League club Western Sydney Wanderers. The coach was so impressed with her that she didn't even need to trial for the team.

Carpenter's ambition was such that although she began her career as a midfielder, she volunteered to be a defender when the Mini-Matildas said they needed defenders only because she didn't want to be cut from the squad. "I was like, I want to be in the team so I will play wherever."

In March 2016, when she was still just 15, Carpenter made her debut for the senior Matildas, playing in a 9-0 victory over Vietnam.

Not long afterwards, she was playing for Australia in the Rio Olympics, the first of the strong of "youngest ever" firsts that she would soon tire of. "Obviously I was so young - I think I was the youngest in that team by five years," she recalls. "So I guess I was kind of on my own. Some players were 30 years old and some of them were a bit like 'Who is this 15-year-old who has come into the team?' and some people don't want you there because you might take their spot. So some didn't like me being there, but you've just gotta keep going."

After the Rio Olympics, Heather Garriock, who was then coaching, says that she noticed that the 16-year-old Carpenter was struggling. "I could see she wasn't doing well with the massive comedown after the hype of the Olympic Games. So, you know, I just put my arm around her - and since then I've always put my arm around and taken her under my wing. She just wanted to be the best and to get better every day.

"She is so driven to win and yet she's got such a nice nature, a humble kind of girl who will always give you her time."

Carpenter says she was forced to grow up quickly, but with the help of people like Garriock she eventually found her rhythm and adapted to the ever-growing public glare of being a Matilda. "I think it took me a couple of years, until I was about 17, to come out as Ellie," she says.

In Year 10 Carpenter dropped out of school to pursue her dream of being a full-time footballer. "She wasn't at school very much anyway," says Belinda of her daughter's busy soccer schedule. "I just told her, 'Go do it, because if it fails and you don't get to where you want to go in soccer, we will go back and figure out the education route'."

When Carpenter was 17 she was pursued by the US National Women's Soccer League team Portland Thorns, in Oregon on the US west coast. She signed with them but, in those days, women were not allowed to play until they turned 18. The club was so keen for her to play that she signed a contract literally on her 18th birthday, and played the following week, racking up yet another series of "youngest evers." "That's why I was the youngest ever player and the youngest ever person to score a goal in the NWSL at that stage," she says.

Carpenter says life in the US was a shock "because it was so different to Australia." Belinda recalls that her daughter would often FaceTime her during dinner just to have a companion to speak with. "Until she found her feet I would often hang out with her on the phone while she was having dinner at a restaurant or something when she didn't really know anybody.

"Even though Ellie is really outgoing, with a wicked sense of humor, I think she is also a bit guarded about who she lets in."

Even so, Carpenter says she enjoyed her two years in Portland where she regularly played in front of crowds of 20,000. By this stage she had become a fixture of the Matildas team, playing in the 2019 World Cup in France where they made it to the round of 16 and then the 2020 Tokyo Olympics where the Matildas made it to the semi-finals.

By the time she turned 20, Carpenter was being pursued by the strongest women's team in the world, Olympique Lyonnais. She recalls the moment she learned that Lyon wanted to recruit her. "I was like, 'Are you serious?' It was Lyon and I was like, 'Are you sure they want me?' I mean, if Lyon calls, you go to them wherever you re because they are the best in the world." This is no exaggeration - the team has won eight Champions League finals in the past 12 years, including give in a row between 2015 and 2020.

But Carpenter's arrival in 2020 wasn't so easy. "It was the time of the COVID pandemic so the city was shut. I didn't know anyone, and I didn't know French," she says. So she began her life anew yet again, throwing herself into French lessons and making friends at her new club. She impressed local fans by trying to speak French at press conferences, albeit with an Aussie twang. She also fell in love with Lyon itself. "I love it, it's beautiful - not as nice as Sydney but it's still beautiful." As soon as she arrived, she also saw why her new team kept winning championships. The fitness, the training, the skills were next-level, even for Carpenter. "She called me up and said, 'Um, Mum, these players are really, really good," recalls Belinda. Initially she found it hard to break into her new team, and she won her first European Championship with Lyon in 2020 without taking to the field when she was on the team as an unused sub.

"I don't think many people understand what it really takes to be a football player," says Carpenter's teammate and partner Danielle van de Donk. "You win trophies and everyone thinks it is a high but no one really knows about the lows." Van de Donk, who has been going out with Carpenter for about two years, says she has the rare ability to lift the team's morale singlehandedly. "She is the most energetic person I know, she is very, very positive, and off the pitch she just brings a different kind of energy to the room - even when she was injured the coaches were saying to her, 'Bring your energy to the team, we need it,'" says van de Donk. "She is already a star but she is just going to get bigger and bigger. She is only 23."

Van de Donk says she's attracted to Carpenter because they are "similar people in life", adding "It's kind of wild, she is from Australia, I'm from the Netherlands, and we are buying a house in Lyon - it's very cool."

After that tricky start at Lyon, Carpenter became a regular in the team - until the 13-minute mark of last year's Champions League final. "It was just sickening to watch her go down," recalls Belinda, who was watching the game live in the middle of the night from her home in Wamberal on the NSW Central Coast. "I actually said when I watched it, 'She does not go down and she does not stay down'."

Carpenter's injury came in two parts. The first came when she was tackling an opponent near the corner post and her left knee twisted in the tackle. Carpenter hobbled off in obvious pain. But she was desperate to come back on, and tested the injured knee in front of the team's medical staff. "I remember being on the sideline and they were testing me and I was like, 'Is it strong, can you feel my ACL?' And they were like, 'Yeah I think it's fine, so you want to go back on?' And I'm like, 'Yeah, it's the Championship Final.' So I ran back on and then I was like 'Oh, something's not right'."

Back in Wamberal, Belinda was horrified to see her daughter run back onto the pitch. "We were like, 'No, no, no, don't do it," she recalls.

Moments after returning to the field Carpenter moved to intercept a long pass. But as soon as she changed direction her knee gave way completely, severing her ACL and sending her to the ground.

Van de Donk, who was watching from the sidelines as a substitute, had torn her own ACL as a teenager and knew what lay ahead. "I saw her go down and instantly I knew it was wrong," she recalls. "It was horrible to watch."

But once Carpenter counted the months and realised she could still potentially play in the World Cup in Australia, her mood lifted. Lyon won the match 3-1, giving Carpenter her second championship and yet another first as the only Australian to win two Champions League medals. After the match, despite having her injured leg in a splint, Carpenter joined her teammates in the celebrations on the field, swimming precariously on her crutches and then hopping on her one good leg as she held up the Champions League cup. She then flew back to Lyon with the team and continued the celebrations. "I was in so much pain, so I just took lots of painkillers but then we went to a restaurant and partied in Lyon drinking champagne until 5am."

The next morning Carpenter woke with a hangover to the bad news she had feared. She needed a full knee reconstruction and would be out of the game for up to a year. Recalls Belinda: "The first thing she said to me on the phone was, 'I'm getting an operation, I'm going to get better and I'm going to play in the World Cup.' It was all about the World Cup."

That has been Carpenter's singular goal ever since. In those early months after her injury when she could not run, she followed her rehab plan like it was Holy Writ - long hours in the gym keeping the muscles working followed by swimming, physio, massage and the hardest of all: patience.

"I had to learn a lot about patience because I am impatient," she says. "When I was finally able to take my first jump again I actually cried with happiness." At times Carpenter wondered whether she would be the same player when she returned, but mostly she says she kept her mental demons at bay.

"It was a long journey for her and she was a bit insecure in the beginning, she struggled for about three weeks," says van de Donk. "But after that she was OK, she just powered through - and now I think she's much stronger than she was." Carpenter, for her part, puts a gloss on the whole saga, saying she believes it gave her a much-needed break from the game she'd been playing almost non-step since she was a child.

Today, Carpenter's football routine is very full-time. She goes into the club from around 9am to 4pm most days to do a mixture of training, gym recovery and sponsorship. Then she plays on weekends, often traveling. She works with a nutritionist and also a psychologist. She estimated she gets one day properly off each month. Such is the profile of the team in Lyon that she now gets recognised in the street, and after three years here she says she is now fluent in French.

"Ellie has always known the path that she wanted and she has just followed it completely. That is pretty incredible for a 23-year-old," says former Matildas player Garriock. "She is already one of the world's best players and her energy and leadership are crucial for the World Cup. She has achieved things at 23 that others wouldn't achieve in their whole career. I have no doubt that she will be the captain of the Matildas in the future. She has all the leadership qualities and the big game experience."

Carpenter is now on the home stretch of her quest, hoping to stay in form and avoid injury until the World Cup begins in three weeks.

Although she loves playing for Lyon, she says there's nothing like going home to play with the Matildas. "It's like going back to your family." she says with a grin. "We've all known each other for years. Everyone is so close, We can all laugh at ourselves and we look after each other. It's such a good, strong group. I don't know how to explain it but I have a special passion when I play for the Matildas, it's unique. For me, this World Cup is the top of the top it's probably the best thing I will ever experience."

So how far can Carpenter and the Matildas go in this World Cup?

"We've never seen an Australian team like this," says Garriock. "This core of players like Ellie Carpenter, Sam Kerr and Caitlin Ford have played together in World Cups and big tournaments since they were 16 years old. They are in their prime and this is their moment. It is written for them."

#all good love stories start in the rain #ellie carpenter

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neobubz · 2 years

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okay, indulge me a little…i REALLY adore puppy love, and that’s the fic i followed you for! that being said, what would some of the side character hybrids be like in bed??? you don’t have to do all of them, of course! write the ones you’re led to reveal <3

- 🥨

first thanks!!! 💚 so happy to hear you liked puppy love so much! well…of course i can’t for the love of me talk about chenle and jisung (like i would adopt these two so i can’t speak about them in that way) i’m not sure if you mean write a short story each or just a small description here 😅 but…i’ll do a general idea here and if i manage to find some spare time i may turn one or two of these small descriptions into short stories 😉

Jaemin Bunny Hybrid: super energetic!! his off the wall energy is what actually attracted me to him first as a fan lol and for jaemin bunny hybrid that also translates into the bedroom. very active, multiple rounds, wants to make sure that y/n is truly spent afterwards only to have a major cuddle fest. sweet words being whispered in y/n’s ears while literally going to town. sort of like “you like the feeling of my cock inside you, princess?” perhaps in his baby talk voice. still not over the cute baby talk during the live when they were in germany. 🫠🫠🫠 his ears twitching, tail wiggling and for some strange reason i have this feeling that when he would cum he’d thump his foot a lot 🤣 it just came to me as i’m writing this. like it would feel so good for him that he turns into Thumper from Bambi

Haechan Bear Hybrid: it’s either one of two ways. the first way…lazy and just indulgent. like super deep thrusts low groans and growls. most likely y/n on top while his hands help guide you. super soft bedding and blankets. when i was thinking about his room i just envisioned it to be fluffy like if he just passed out from doing his thing on stage, everywhere is comfortable 😅 the second way…is rough. lots of dirty talk (a story where haechan is not dirty talking y/n is unacceptable lol) slight degrading, on the bed, y/n pressed against the wall, on the beanbag like everywhere and anywhere he will have y/n in the most animalistic way possible

Mark Tiger Hybrid: soooo…with mark i see it more as a slow stalking approach. of course he’s super sweet like he was with (y/n and jeno) but if we’re talking about y/n with him — every action is deliberate. eyes watching from across the room, slower movements, legit think of a tiger in the forest sneaking up towards its prey because that is what i have in mind for mark. when he gets his prey aka y/n…it’s sensual more than hot. soft burning touches, piercing eye contact, warm breath against y/n skin. hope this makes sense but yeah just super sensual

Renjun Fox Hybrid: no matter how many times i will write for renjun, i can only see him one way (someone super cute and adorable that i just want to take care of 😋) BUT!!! since he is a fox and they are known to be sneaky, his way of getting y/n’s attention won’t be as obvious as the others. subtle is the best word to describe him. in the bedroom it will be soft and sweet in the beginning. cute giggles and kisses. holding each other tight, but then he switches it up. every interaction he had with y/n was intentional. no moment wasted and it’s all been culminated for this moment where he turns the table on y/n. going from sweet touches to firmer grips. gentle moaning turns it high pitched whimpers. hot and cold, fast and slow…just lots of flipping the script that y/n won’t see what happens next 😉

well…not sure if this is what you meant but i hope that it gave you a little insight of what they would be like in bed. never truly thought about it when i was writing puppy love but i can tell you this much, after seeing haechan with his little bear ears…i instantly thought of puppy love and what his version would be like 😜 he’s so cute!!!!

Edited: okay so i just saw this and i had to add this…Jaemin Bunny Hybrid represented by Thumper rofl 🤣

#🥨anon

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 2 years

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A fun fact I find hilarious is that you apparently were going to have a second option at what to carve on Louis' piano but the writers thought it was too inappropriate and quickly axed it, the rumors being it would have been a dick. Imagine if Clem could carve that and it would just result in Louis leaving XDD I understand why they axed that, talk about an asshole thing to do (which also makes me wonder if Louis was going to leave if she did that, what would she have potentially done with Violet to make *her* leave?) Good thing they decided it wasn't necessary to *always* give Clementine an "asshole" response, lol.

ugghhhh not the dick sksksks

yeah, I know about that one, too. The disrespect in carving a dick into Louis' piano, I can't.... Like, imagine that you're having this moment together. Louis planned this little prank on you with tuning the piano to break some tension, he's so happy that you decided to spend time with him. He trusts you and is comfortable enough to want to carve your initials into his piano, something that is a source of comfort for him so this is a huge deal, and you just....... carve a dick.

I firmly believe that if Clem pulled that shit and then was like "btw I like-like you," he would've down right rejected her and for good reason! You just proved that you're no different than the others who carved "you suck at playing!" onto the side and who knows what else has been done to it over the years when Louis wasn't around!

I'm glad they tossed that out. No one who picked to go with Louis would pick that anyway, unless you didn't like him... but if you didn't like him, then you probably didn't pick to go with him anyway soooo.... what's the point? Other than to do an asshole Clem run? I dunno.

That scene is one of the best in the entire game so it hurts my brain to think of it being ruined by such a thing hahaha. It's also so important to Louis' character and the development of his relationship with Clementine, romantic or not. I've said it before, and I'll never stop saying it, but Louis gives off the illusion that he's so open since he's so friendly but really, he's so closed off that this is the first time he willfully pulls down his walls to let Clementine in.

The only times he comes close to doing this is accidental. When you're in the woods and help him take care of the walker, he gives you insight into how he thinks and gets just a bit too close... but that was a small moment and he catches himself. It's like a switch is flipped- "ha ha I'll take care of our friend here, go over there with Aasim goodbye." then he turns his back to you and that's it. End of conversation.

Then there's the archery scene where he apologizes to Clem about voting them out, which I give a lot of credit to him for. It's rare for someone to apologize to Clem for hurting her to begin with, and if they do, they usually just turn around and repeat the same hurtful behavior. Louis doesn't do that, he's genuine and wants to be better and he proves that.

Also, might I add that he's having some trust issues at this point? His best friend for the past 8+ years? turns out, he's lied to him for the past year about the twins and was lying right to his face during the confrontation when trying to manipulate him into believing Clementine murdered Brody... and Marlon can even tell him that yeah, he's pathetic but Louis was the only one who couldn't see that.... which it's heartbreaking to watch Louis' reaction to that.

On top of that, he trusted and defended Clementine and now Marlon is dead.... so the fact that he's able to forgive her and AJ for that as well as apologize for his mistakes and want to see where their relationship goes and is willing to open up to her? romantic or not? It's a HUGE deal.

which is why drawing a dick on his piano is terrible

#asks #twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg clouis #twdg marlon

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midnightsslut · 3 years

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Can you tell us more about your concept of the lover trilogy made up of false god/afterglow/me? Would love to read a proper analysis with all the connections, similar themes etc + obvs your thoughts x

Hey! First of all, thank you for being interested in my lyric analysis omg that’s very flattering!! This is actually my first ask lol.

This got super long, by the way, so I’m adding a cut.

Anyway, let’s get to it. First, let’s talk about the structure of Lover’s tracklist, because that’s part of the reason why I consider False God, Afterglow, and ME! to be a trilogy of sorts, all foreshadowed by The Archer. From the first time I heard the album, I’ve always thought that Lover can be divided into a few main parts. The first five tracks serve as a primer for what’s to come. Taylor is also careful not to have too many bops or too many emotional ballads together. We get the dark, desperate, escapism-themed Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince between happy love songs like I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. The emotional core, however, lies in the second half. Cornelia Street acts as a bridge between the carefree songs and the more vulnerable ones, since there is a mix of tenderness and a fear of losing what she has.

This trilogy in particular is foreshadowed by The Archer, which discusses Taylor’s anxieties that stem from her past relationship (something she described as ‘phantom tragedy’ in her Live Lounge interview iirc). She has ‘a hundred thrown-out speeches’ ready for him, but she’s still ‘searching for a dark side’ on purpose, which runs the risk of ruining their honeymoon phase. Again, that risk is reflected on Cornelia Street, but that’s still a very romantic ballad about ‘sacred new beginnings.’

Taylor’s fears reach a new peak on Death By a Thousand Cuts. Once again, she’s ‘looking through the windows of this love,’ even though they ‘boarded them up’; in other words, they said they wouldn’t question the relationship in the same way you don’t question your god in the religion that her love has turned into (see: ‘sacred new beginnings that became my religion’ in Cornelia Street), yet here she is.

The False God trilogy is placed at the end of the album because it offers a resolution to this conflict. First, we get False God, where Taylor essentially announces that the honeymoon phase has come to a close. She has finally found the dark side she’s searching for (‘I can’t talk to you when you’re like this’). She’s no longer keeping her thrown-out speeches to herself; she’s daring him to leave her outright. Just three tracks earlier, she says she’s dying by a thousand cuts, but she flips that theme on its head and names the notion of dying for him as one of the things they were crazy for thinking. These doubts harken back to Cruel Summer. However, they also bring the story full circle; just as the then-friends with benefits stuck with each other through physical intimacy when they couldn’t confess their emotions, they are still hanging on, as if by a thread, because ‘they might just get away with it’ if they turn sex into their object of worship (‘the altar is my hips’). Cruel Summer’s theme of both angels and devils being involved makes a return as well, as the lovers end up in Heaven and Hell by turns. Whenever they do confess their sins, they use the sacramental wine to get drunk, have sex again… and refuse to actually address their issues, because neither of them can talk to the other ‘when [they’re] like this.’ When they have nothing left, their intimacy, the same thing that first brought them together, is ultimately what keeps them together. False God is ultimately more hopeful than Death By a Thousand Cuts, however, because Taylor is still adamant to hold onto her faith ‘even if it’s a false god.’ It doesn’t matter if their religion is a hoax. As long as they can stay together, she’ll keep worshiping. The title of the song is therefore a bait-and-switch à la peace and happiness.

After the bop buffer (lol) of You Need to Calm Down, we get back to this story with Afterglow as Track 15. The theme of sticking together through sex is affirmed by the title of the song, which basically refers to the period after an orgasm. That’s another, albeit partial bait-and-switch, however, because Afterglow involves Taylor finally admitting that she’s at fault. She did beg for forgiveness in False God, but she followed it up with daring him to leave her in the next pre-chorus (this cyclical nature of their fights resurfaces here, as she says she either ‘punished him with silence’ or ‘went off like sirens’). Here, all she does is ask him not to walk away (whereas she was literally threatening to do so herself two tracks earlier). The morning after a fight, Taylor suddenly realizes this relationship is worth it. This ‘ultraviolet morning light’ is the turning point in their relationship, for Taylor is now resolved to make things right with him again instead of patching things up temporarily. All she wants now is to share the light of her newfound insight with him… or, in other words, to meet him in the afterglow.

Despite its blissful title, Afterglow is still anxious, because she doesn’t yet know if he’s also decided to stay with her. Meanwhile, ME! is absolutely mutual (again, note the title vs the theme here lol), which is why it’s a duet. They now look at the flipside of all their troubles. She might have gone off like sirens/gone psycho on the phone, but that same fiery nature of hers causes her to be his summer. His nonchalant nature might have been the cause of her despair in Cruel Summer, but that same unpredictability is also the reason why he ‘will never bore her.’ ME! is all about them embracing all their flaws and declaring that their relationship is one of a kind and worthwhile because of them. This triumphant acceptance (as evidenced by the literal marching band she used for its debut performance) is a bookend to the self-loathing in The Archer and all the doubt scattered throughout the record.

The album ends with a short, calm summary of the whole story in It’s Nice to Have a Friend. On the album’s closer, Taylor finally puts all this turmoil, which stems from external (‘I trusted the wicked’)—something her relationship helped her through—and internal factors (‘I wounded the good’/‘maybe I’ve stormed out of every single room in this town’), behind her to step into the daylight. A frequently overlooked part of the song is the plural in ‘threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now,’ which indicates that he is also stepping into the daylight with her. Without the aforementioned trilogy, including the blind faith in False God, the watershed moment of epiphany in Afterglow, and the declaration of self-acceptance in ME!, none of this would have been possible.

#lover #Taylor Swift #lyric analysis #false god #me #daylight #afterglow #dbatc #death by a thousand cuts #lyrics #analysis #cornelia street #miss Americana

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the-obelisk · 3 years

Text

By The Fire -- Fae Collection

Loki x Reader

Summary: Fireside conversations between you and the trickster.

“There you are. Where have you been?” You noticed Loki in the library/work station Tony had built for you after noticing the mess you lived.

With all of your books being crammed in the corners of you room; And the the added mounds of paper Tony would see spread all over the common room, he was sick and tired of seeing it.

Or worse, for him to have to deal with you asking FRIDAY a hundred times where you left your book or papers. And once Loki moved into the compound, you had even more access to a plethora of new books that he slowly moved into your library space.

For the both of you, it was the place you often ran to for silence from the chaos that seemed to lurk the corridors of the compound.

“Loki?” You asked quietly noting that he sat on the floor, his book casually off to the side. Something about him felt off, therefore, you took a seat next to him on the floor and faced him slightly.

“What happened?”

He took a minute to respond. Sighing, he looked at you and just offered a weak acknowledgment. “I miss my home. As strange as it might seem, I miss being able to hide away.” You listened at his soft voice. His eyes turned back to the fire, “I miss my mother.”

You nodded. You knew very well that Loki was homesick. With his mother dead, there was no reason to return home. Asgard was no longer home to him. Instead, it was better he remained on Earth rather than his childhood realm.

You wrapped your hand around his and leaned towards him, finding your other hand at the back of his neck. Your fingers ran softly through his hair, you projected emotions of comfort towards him.

He smiled at the comforting presence you offered him.

Loki looked at you, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. “Do you ever feel out of place, Y/N?”

You looked at him, seeing the softness in his eyes made you want to wrap your arms around him and tell him to not feel so alone. “I do. When I am here— some of the times.” You spoke in a tone matching his own.

He looked at you quizzically. It was a response, he didn’t anticipate. You seemed to flow so easily with everyone in the compound. Always talking and laughing with whomever you were in contact with.

What he didn’t know was that you often wondered what you offered to the table for such an elite force of individuals.

“How come?” He asked. Loki didn’t have the intention to open up, but it did comfort him knowing he wasn’t the only one that felt alone here.

Or rather, the only one to tell him that they too felt out of place.

You exhaled and shrugged. “I’m not like everyone else here— They all are experts at what they do. I’m still learning how to even use my powers, so I don’t excel like you or Wanda or even Vision. I can’t fight like Natasha or Cap.” You just pouted your lips and look at the fire.

“I try to make it my home, but this isn’t my home,” you sighed quietly, “It’s just an opportunity to help others while having the ability to learn more about myself, I guess.”

So with that, you trained in combat with Natasha, ran or sparred with Steve and Bucky, engaged in sparring lessons with your abilities with Wanda and sometimes, Vision. Then other times you found yourself in the lab trying to digest the scientific terms that spewed from Bruce’s lips and Tony’s demonstrations of his latest tech. Each one had a specific skill set, and when working with the others, created an dynamic force with the best of the best in their respective fields.

You wondered if you had anything to offer. You took to the artistic sides of life. Before being picked up by SHIELD for accidentally reading one of their agents thoughts— not to mention, an undercover one— you had worked as teacher, mentor, researcher. You wanted to understand the triumphs and pitfalls of humankind. Why they operated in their specific ways, how culture and religion shaped their motivations. You had questions, and when answered, you had even more questions develop.

And in many ways, you did the same with your team members. You were here to get it right, not be an expert. You wanted to know it all and even then, it became tiresome.

Loki peered into your thoughts, noting that you had once told Thor, during his visits back to earth, that it was hard to see what role you could play. You weren’t a fighter like the combat experts on the team, you weren’t a science geek-- you were simply you. Otherworldly, Y/N Y/L/N.

So what did you have to offer to the table?

Loki tuned out of your thoughts and smiled at you, “What did life look like before you got here?”

Smiling at him, you turned back to face him. Now with your body shifted towards him, and fingers still twirling the ends of his hair.

“I was a researcher, well— I guess I still am. I traveled to a bunch of places like Cambodia, Peru, Afghanistan, India, Madagascar. I wanted to learn their culture, and I offered help when I could. I usually worked in small villages to avoid the connection of my lack of aging. So, I worked with the locals there. They taught me their history— their way of life— and I would heal sometimes, help them with harvests, teach their children. It was peaceful, to say the least.”

Loki smiled at how your eyes lit up when recounting your brief account. He listened as you continued in tone filled with deep contemplation, “I often ask myself, why are there so many quarrels, and clusters of hate? Why were we created as we were and what is our meaning? I suppose because I never was able to learn about my own origin until Thor was able to give me further insight, that I finally received answers, but they didn’t answer my larger questions.”

“Why do you think you are here?” The raven-haired man asked entertaining her thought with deep interest at your words.

You quirked your eyebrow and laughed a little. “Perhaps to learn the lessons around me.”

“And what lessons would those be?”

“To understand peoples’ actions. To listen and to help. But most importantly,” You said in a soft tone while looking at him, “to uplift those who are learning lessons of their own.”

He knew that your last point was directed towards him. He nodded, “And what lessons are you assisting me with, little one?”

“Right now, redemption. Yours is to learn to forgive yourself and others. To simply, do better rather than apologizing and wishing to forget the past. You are facing it, something I admire you for. And one day,” You leaned a bit closer and gazed back into his blue orbs, “you will learn to love. Yourself, others, and hopefully, the world around us.”

Loki nodded and could feel the devotion roll off your frame. “I think you are too kind for this world.” He said quietly. It felt more like an observation for himself, but still you acknowledged it.

Running your fingers through his hair, you nodded and hummed in response. “Always be kinder than you have to be. There is more to others than you think, trickster.” You lightly tease with a soft smile and empathetic eyes.

The raven-haired man looked at you dearly and raised his hand to you cheek. Loki leaned to lay a kiss on your cheek. “I am grateful for you, my little dove.”

Instantly, you felt your nerves bundle in the pit of your stomach. To you, his touch seemed to ignite something within.

You ran your fingers through his hair one last time before resting your hand on his cheek. Pressing your forehead against his, you closed your eyes projecting another emotion— one of endearment that seemed to swirl within you towards him.

“I am grateful for you as well, Loki.” Kissing his nose softly, you looked in his eyes unable to read the emotions but they felt warm and gentle.

If Loki could have it his way, you could remain that close forever; However, he smiled at you and sat in the silence of it all with you. And sadly, soon he pulled back causing you to miss the cool touch of his forehead against yours.

“Sit with me while I read?”

You nodded in response as his hand left yours and slowly wrapped around your frame, pulling you closer to him. You positioned your back against his frame while he used the chair behind him as a back rest.

“What have you been reading?”

“A collection of poems from Vanaheim.” He spoke in a low tone as he held the book that hovered above your legs. His long legs laid outstretched around yours as you nodded at him to begin.

He exhaled calmly, flipping through the pages and started, “This one seems like a good place to begin...”

You sat there reading along the words that flowed from Loki’s lips in an entrancing manner. You fell in love with the way he narrated the long, winded poem with ease and comfortability.

If you hadn’t known any better, you were sure he had read this book thousands of times.

But you didn’t seem to care if he had or hadn’t. You were consumed with his emotions of safety and happiness he felt in that moment. For you, that was enough.

And for a little while, before the world would begin again, you enjoyed the quieted world that stemmed from his verbal inflection of the poems he read. Ones that created a mini-world between the two of you in the quiet library.

#loki x you #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #loki imagine #loki series #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #marvel #avengers imagine #loki avengers #avengers series #loki x fairy!reader #loki x oc

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pucksnsticksnhockeyboys · 4 years

Text

never isn’t an option - pt. 1

summary: you’re tired of hiding how you feel from Matthew, so you risk everything for a chance at happiness

word count: 5.2k

warnings: a couple of swears, allusions to sex, angst

note from the writer: I'd like to thank @hockeymenorattractiveboys and @spookymakar for listening to me ramble about how to format this. I’d also like you all to let me know what you think :) please don’t hate me :)

read part two here

If there was a time that you ever turned down the chance to spend time with Matthew Tkachuk, something was wrong. He was your person, the one you texted when you had good news and a bad day. The one that could cheer you up with a grin and a terrible joke. He kissed your cheeks to dry your tears and held you close and told you how much he loved you every day.

He was the closest thing to a relationship you had.

But Matthew Tkachuk didn’t do relationships.

See, he did all of those things from the comfort of a best friend position. He’d make you wear his jersey to games and facetime you late at night while he’s on roadies but he still went home with other girls while you smiled and laughed with his teammates as if your heart didn’t walk out of the bar with him, chasing after whoever was lucky enough to get him for the night.

And the next day, like nothing ever happened, he’d show up at your door with breakfast in hand and bruises on his neck that you so desperately wanted to be the cause of.

It was a brutal cycle, and you were nearing the end of your rope, if you were being honest with yourself.

Still, when you got the text saying that since the boys only had a late practice the next day, everyone was going out, you knew you’d let Matt convince you to go. And he didn’t really have to do much convincing, he just flashed you a smile and you were getting ready to head out.

Pregame was at your apartment, for whatever reason, and you were putting on the finishing touches as you listened to the rambunctious hockey players that took over your kitchen. You opted to ignore the sound of glass breaking, followed by several of the boys yelling at Sam. Instead, you sighed and started fixing your hair in the mirror.

“Damn, maybe I might have to just take you home tonight.” A voice called, and you would have jumped at the sudden sound but you had seen Matt slip into your room in the mirror’s reflection. Stomach twisting with nerves and the desire to tell him ‘please’, you rolled your eyes. It was the same comment each night, he’d compliment you and shower you with attention until it was time for him to find the night’s hookup.

“What’d Sam break?” You opted to ask, ignoring both his comment and the way his arms wrapped around your middle from behind you. Matt chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder while swaying slightly. He was studying you in the mirror, you could feel his gaze raking up and down your reflection and to try and ground yourself, you rested your hands atop his forearms.

“Just a glass.” He hummed after a moment and you had nearly forgotten the question entirely. You sighed in response, knowing you had to go out and clean up before someone hurt themselves. As if anticipating that you were about to leave, Matt’s grip tightened around you, your heart skipping a beat in sync with the action. “Johnny’s got it. He knows where the broom is.”

“Well, we can’t just stay in my bedroom all night.” You chuckled, and though you had been the one to make the first move to leave you found yourself relaxing into his hold. You caught a glimpse of Matt’s face in the mirror, a wicked grin on his face and it was then you realized what you had said. “Not like that, Matthew.”

“You said it, not me.” He chuckled, pressing a kiss to the junction of where your neck met your shoulder before standing to his full height. You pushed away the feeling of butterflies in your stomach at the contact, and instead focused on not tripping over your own feet as Matt spun you around to face him, his hands settling on your hips to steady you. “You look good tonight, like really good.”

“Thanks, Matt.” You smiled so wide your cheeks ached, hands busying themselves by needlessly brushing across the shirt covering the broad expanse of his chest. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

“Is that why you’re feeling me up?” He questioned, a lightness to his voice that let you know he was just teasing. You rolled your eyes, hoping you didn’t look as affected as you were by his hands sliding from where they previously were on your waist to their new spot a little too low on your back for being just friends.

“You started it, Tkachuk.” You retorted. This is how it always was with Matt. He’d tease and flirt and have you nearly falling at his feet and just when you thought that maybe your feelings were reciprocated he’d turn around go home with someone that was decidedly not you.

“And I can finish it, too.” He hummed, leaning down to speak directly in your ear as your eyes fluttered shut.

Cocky, you thought. Still, a chill ran down your spine and you felt yourself keening into his touch. You weren’t sure whether or not to scream or be thankful for the door opening just then.

“Come on, lovebirds. We’d like to get to the bars at some point.” Rasmus jeered playfully, his grin wide and showing that he knew exactly what he was saying. Matt groaned, and without turning to look at his teammate he flipped him off. Taking the chance while Matt was distracted and only had one hand on you, you slipped out of his grip.

“Not a word.” You mumbled to Rasmus as you slipped past the defenseman. He chuckled, raising his hands in innocence as if he hadn’t just made a comment about your feelings for his teammate. Besides Matthew, Rasmus was the one you were closest to on the team. One night, after a few too many drinks and having to watch Matt leave the bar with someone that wasn’t you, you confessed that you had feelings for him. You had sworn Rasmus to secrecy, and each day since then you had to put up with him urging you to confess to Matt himself.

Matt had been right, Johnny handled the mess and Sam apologized for breaking a glass. You waved him off, opting to take the shot that was being offered to you. It wasn’t healthy to mask your feelings for the curly haired menace that was finally retreating from your bedroom alongside Rasmus with alcohol—but it definitely made it easier to be in the same room as him.

You ended up being squished between Sam and Matt in one of the two Ubers ordered to get everyone from your apartment to the bar, and Matt’s arm wound around your waist to pull you closer to his side. As soon as you arrived at the bar, Matt slipped his hand in yours and used the connection to make sure you never strayed far from his side.

He was being more handsy than usual, tugging you into his chest at any given chance and setting his hand on your leg when sitting in the booth, and you weren’t the only one that noticed. Not only did you receive looks from his teammates, but their significant others who weren’t all accustomed to your odd relationship with Matt.

But then it happened. Like every time before, you could feel Matt’s attention slip from you. It was like clockwork, you knew you had at the very most three minutes after Matt first spotted his target for the night until he left you. And this time it was no different.

Of course, you thought, watching Matt cross the bar to greet the pretty blonde with a smile and one of his lines. Distantly, you heard your name being called, but it was only when you felt someone jab your side did you tear your gaze from Matt. It was Dillon, and he was giving you a sympathetic smile you really wished he wasn’t.

“What’s up?” You asked nonchalantly, as if you hadn’t just been caught staring at the man who unknowingly held your heart flirt with someone else.

“He really does like you, you know.” Dillon told you, sounding a little too insightful for someone you had seen get checked into the boards only the night prior. You forced a laugh, the same one you always did whenever someone made a comment, whenever Matt told you about his sexcapades.

“He’s right, Matt’s just too dumb to know.” Sam butted in from across the table, taking a swig of his drink and succeeding in gaining the attention of the rest of the guys at the table. Your smile was too tight and too tiny and even the guys you weren’t as close with were able to see right through you. The last thing you needed was any of them trying to take a peek at the feelings you buried deep and kept hidden.

“I think I’m going to call it a night, early day tomorrow and all.” You lied. You had no plans until three in the afternoon, when you had promised your friend that you’d go shopping with her so she could find something to wear to her cousin’s wedding. You waved goodbye to the table and stopped at the bar to tell Rasmus you were heading out, and it was then that you were met with your next obstacle.

“There you are! This is Brooke.” Matt called cheerfully, waving you down as you tried to pass him and introduced you to the girl that had captured his attention. Your stomach twisted and tied itself up in knots, but no matter how sick you felt not a single part of you blamed her. After all, you desperately wanted to be in her place; she held Matt’s attention in a way that you could only hope for.

“It’s nice to meet you, but I was actually heading out.” You smiled sweetly, turning your gaze to Matt during the second half of your sentence. He pouted, and not in his over-the-top dramatic way you were used to seeing when you’d leave parties early, but a genuine frown.

“It’s too late for you to be going home alone, though.” He tried to reason, and though his attention was on you and that was truly all you ever wanted he still had a hand resting on Brooke’s leg as she sat at the bar. You opened your mouth to argue that you went home by yourself every time and that he never was around by the end of the night to watch, but a heavy body slid in beside you and clapped a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

“I’ll make sure she gets home safe, man.” Rasmus promises, and you force a smile on your face. You feel nauseous, because it’s then that you realize you want nothing more than for Matthew to be the one to make sure you get home safe and it’s then that Matt takes a step closer to Brooke, hand rising just a few inches higher up her leg.

“Alright, talk to you guys later.” Matt says after a moment and he pulls Rasmus in for an abridged version of a bro hug, and you fully expected to just send him a wave and be on your way. Instead, he wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you in close, sealing your fate with a kiss to your hairline.

You smile politely at Brooke as a form of goodbye, but she was wearing an unimpressed expression while looking at Matt look at you. You weren’t sure why he so blatantly displayed affection towards you while trying to hookup with someone else, but you pushed that though deep, deep down and followed Rasmus out of the bar as he announced the car he ordered at some point arrived. The air was cold against your flushed skin and it was only after the bar was out of sight and you were secured in the backseat of the Uber did Rasmus speak.

“You’re going to have to stop doing this to yourself someday, you know.” His voice was quiet and kind, the opposite of what it was like on the ice, but you still felt like you were being scolded. When your only response was to nod and continue picking at your nails, he sighed. “You both are too stupid for your own good.”

“Well, that’s helpful.” You tried joking, but your voice was tight and you hated how pathetic you sounded. Rasmus let out a breathy chuckle, and you saw the Uber turn onto your street.

“It’s the truth.” He teased, and you rolled your eyes. The car was slowing to a stop in front of your building, and as much as you loved Rasmus, you were thankful for the chance to escape the conversation. “You’ve both been in love with each other since forever and neither of you are willing to admit it. So you pine after him and hurt your own feelings and he tries to find replacements for you, but they never last, because as you might know—they aren’t you.”

Your eyes widened at his words. It certainly wasn’t the first time he had made jokes about you and Matt, but that’s all they had been before. They were jokes. Now, though, he sounded so serious and as you searched his gaze you found not a single ounce of humor. Never had he been so direct and you felt as if his analysis had been broadcasted to the entire neighborhood instead of just you and the poor Uber driver who was waiting for you to get out.

“Goodnight, Rasmus.” You spoke quickly, gathering your things and climbing out of the car. He didn’t say anything else, just shot you a knowing look to tell you to get your shit together. He might’ve been right, but you were too caught off-guard to tell him that. So instead, you told him to text you when he got home safe and shut the door behind you.

Five days later, and you were still thinking about Rasmus’ comments.

You were thinking about it so much that at one in the morning, you found yourself anxiously pacing your kitchen. Your friend had fallen asleep on you, leaving you with the advice that you should just tell Matt how you feel. She reasoned that if his teammate told you he loved you, then chances are that he felt the same way. You argued that maybe he only said that to try and cheer you up.

You hated that she had reason on her side.

It was reason that had you, after your twentieth lap around your kitchen, pulling up Matt’s contact and dialling his number. You thought about texting him about your feelings, but that was way too impersonal. Throwing caution to the wind, you listened to the ringing of the phone, deciding that if he didn’t answer or you chickened out after hearing his voice, you’d simply tell him you meant to call your friend Mark but accidentally clicked on the contact for Matt.

“Hello?”

He sounded a little groggy, and you wondered if you had woken him up. Guilt shot through you, he had an early flight in the morning to the east coast and he needed his sleep. You were losing your nerve quickly, and if you didn’t say what you needed, then you’d never do it.

“Can I come over?” At least you got to the point.

“Yeah, of course.” He mumbled, sounding a little more awake. You let out a breath you hadn’t known you had been holding, and started to grab your keys. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m—yeah, good.” You couldn’t exactly say you were fine. You were incredibly stressed and more nervous than you had ever been, but you knew saying that without context would worry him. And you couldn’t give him the context over the phone.

“You sure?” He tried, clearly having picked up on the anxious edge to your voice. You nodded despite the fact that he couldn’t see you, and slipped out of your apartment.

“Be there in fifteen, Matt.”

It was the longest fifteen minutes of your life.

By the time you reached his place and got past the doorman, who greeted you with a smile and knew you by name, you were ready to jump out of your skin. But Rasmus’ words were bouncing around your head uncontrollably and you needed closure, even if that meant you didn’t have Matt in your life after your next conversation.

Your knuckles barely connected to his door in a knock before it swung open, and Matt revealed himself in nothing more than grey sweatpants hung low on his hips. You smiled despite your nerves, and he tugged into his apartment and into his arms before mumbling a hello.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” He hummed, keeping you close to him. You wanted to scream and shout and go home, stomach in knots and heart pounding so loudly you might need to consult a doctor.

Now or never, and never wasn’t an option anymore.

“I love you, Matt.” You forced yourself to say, feeling like you were going to be sick the moment the words left you. Matthew didn’t react poorly to your confession, in fact, he didn’t react at all, which was concerning in an all new way that you hadn’t thought about at first.

“I love you, too.” He replied easily, and you found yourself pulling away slightly and shaking your head at him. He wasn’t understanding, and that couldn’t have been a good sign.

“No, Matt, I’m in love with you.” You clarified, watching as his brows shot up and a look of realization crossed his face. You watched as his face fell and watched as his arms moved from around you to hold your arms at the elbows.

“Oh.” Was all he said. It was all he had to say to send your world crashing down around you.

One simple word from him and you knew you had just ruined your friendship.

“I’m sorry, I-I’ll go. You have an early flight, and—”

“Y/N, wait.” He called, holding you tighter so you couldn’t escape his grip. You shook your head, trying to will away tears you knew were coming and desperately hold onto your last shred of dignity.

“No, it’s fine Matt. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You assured him, slipping out of his grip and heading towards the door. He was trailing after you, you could feel his presence, so it was only once the door was open and you were standing in his hallway did you acknowledge that he had been calling your name the entire time. Spinning to face him, you pointlessly wiped away tears that had been falling and would continue to fall for what seemed like the rest of your life. He looked like a fish out of water, mouth opening and closing as he tried to put his thoughts into words.

“We can still be friends?” It was a question; not even he was sure. You forced a smile, sniffling pathetically as you shrugged. He reached a hand out as if to caress your cheek, a dejected look in his eyes that only worsened when you took a step back to avoid his touch.

“I’ll need some space, Matty.” The words broke your heart but they needed to be said, and when he offered nothing more than a weak nod you took that as your cue to leave. You let yourself sob in the elevator and you meekly scurried past the doorman, trying to hide your face from him so that he couldn’t see you had been crying. You sat in your car for ten whole minutes before you deemed it safe to drive through your tears, and even then you took the long way home to avoid traffic.

Once back in your apartment, you forced yourself to drink a glass of water and slowly changed into pajamas. There was an ache in your chest that hadn’t been there before and you knew that it was due to Matt’s rejection. There was no fight left in you as you pulled up your texts, tiredly typing out a simple message to Rasmus before plugging in the device and setting it down for the night.

You were wrong.

Matthew felt wrong.

He felt as if his world had been turned upside down, inside out, and then inverted for good measure. He was confused, lost, and moping around his apartment and practice arena so often the boys had started ignoring him all together.

And it had only been a week and a half without you.

Somehow, despite his constant sour mood, he managed to convince Johnny to come over for a drink. Really, it was just a ruse to grill him about you. How you were doing, if you were heartbroken, and if you were talking to any of the other guys—because you hadn’t answered any of his texts in a week and a half.

Johnny had seen right through him, but he refused to acknowledge Matthew’s anxious behavior until the takeout was eaten and they were perched on the couch.

“Well?” Johnny started. Matt nodded for no good reason, bouncing his leg and running a hand through his hair to try and distract himself. He couldn’t collect his thoughts, but he was thankful his friend was there and waiting patiently—well, he was there and waiting with an unimpressed look on his face.

“The other day—”

“Y/N told you she loves you. And you turned her away.” Johnny finished for Matt, his tone bored. Matt nodded, feeling like he was being scolded for something he wasn’t sure of. “Because…?”

“Well, I don’t… I don’t know?” Did he love you? When you had confessed to him, he hadn’t thought he loved you in that way. But now, it had been the longest week and a half of his life without you. He felt like he was heartbroken, but did that mean he was heartbroken?

“Do you really think that you don’t love her?” Johnny asked, snapping Matt out of his thoughts. The curly haired boy looked to his friend with a confused look, not because of the question but because of his own feelings.

“What makes you say that?” Matt asked, genuinely curious. He loved you as his friend, loved you as his confidant, but did he love you as his person?”

“Every time we all go out, you make me text you when she goes home so you know she’s safe. You’re all over her all the time, and you pretend to be her boyfriend so guys don’t hit on her.” Johnny listed, and Matt would have made a comment about how he had those examples ready to go if they hadn’t sent him spiraling.

Matt thought he did all of those things as a friend. He was a good guy and you were his best friend; he was just trying to take care of you. But hearing Johnny list the endless reasons why it was so completely obvious that he loved you, he realized that he did all those things because you were his best friend and yet you were so much more.

“I love her.” Matt stated, sounding a little dumbfounded and a lot happy. It wasn’t a question anymore, he loved you, he knew it from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet. He wanted you to be his best friend that he kissed and cared for, and even though he did those things already he wanted the extra addition of a label so that he could proudly show you off. He loved you, and—

And he let you walk out the door.

“Fuck, man.” Matt groaned, leaning back into the couch and running his hands over his face. Johnny was resisting the urge to say ‘I told you so’ and if Matt had a free thought to spare he would have thanked him, but he was too busy worrying about you and what you were doing and how he was going to make this up to you. “Fuck!”

“Yeah, you’ve messed things up.” Johnny offered, unhelpfully, and Matt let him know just that as he shot him a glare. Matt felt ten times worse, now that he had realized what he truly lost. Before, you were his best friend that walked out of his life after he stupidly couldn’t see what he had. Now, he had lost the love of his life, the one person that knew him better than he probably knew himself.

“She’ll never talk to me.” Matt complained, sitting forward with his elbows on his knees and his face in his palms. He hadn’t meant to try and earn sympathy from Johnny, he was just sulking and needed to voice his depreciative thoughts.

“No, never isn’t an option.” Johnny swiftly kicked Matt’s foot to earn his attention. He looked to his friend, who looked more serious than he had ever seen, and knew he needed to listen. “You’re both miserable without each other. Call her, and beg for forgiveness.”

“What if she—”

“She won’t.” Johnny interrupted, not bothering to entertain any negative thought that Matt could’ve come up with. Matt pouted, watching as Johnny stood to his feet and prepared to leave. He had left Matt with all the information and advice he had, and now the ball was in Matt’s court. Both of them knew what he had to do, and for the sake of everyone, he needed to do it soon.

It was only after Johnny was standing at the door with his coat on, did he turn to face Matt and send him the first sympathetic look of the evening. Matt didn’t know if he preferred the annoyed looks or this one, neither sitting right with him. He didn’t have long to ponder, because Johnny patted him on the shoulder and left him with some parting advice.

“She loves you, too, man.”

And then he was gone, and Matt was left with flashbacks to the night you left. He cursed himself, slipping back into his apartment and searching for his phone that he discarded in the kitchen at some point.

He wasn’t sure why it was so hard for him to dial your number, suddenly. He knew you loved him, you had said so himself, but there was something holding him back. He had hurt you once already, the image of you pulling back from his touch that night stinging like a fresh wound. But he had a chance to make things right, to make both you and him incredibly happy.

And he’d be damned if he was going to miss it twice.

He dropped onto the couch as he dialed your number, checking the time to make sure it wasn’t too late. It was before midnight, and you had called him past one in the morning, so he decided he was fine. Despite the early hour, the phone kept ringing and just as Matt’s stomach twisted and he was debating leaving a voicemail—declaring his love over voicemail was not the most romantic thing—you finally picked up.

“Hello?” You asked, and just the sound of your voice made some of the tension Matt had been holding in his shoulders for the past week and a half dissipate. He heard someone else in the background talking, but he ignored it, assuming it was the television.

“Hey.” Matt breathed. Silently, he wondered how stupid he was if he had honestly thought the way he felt about you was anything more than platonic. “What’re you up—”

“Matt, I’m on a date right now, I can’t talk.”

And that felt like a knife to the chest. It wasn’t the television he heard in the back, but in fact it was the voice of your date. His stomach lurched and he sat up straight, mouth pressed in a firm line. As Matt stayed quiet, he heard you mumble to your date that you’d need a moment before a door shut, and he assumed that you had slipped away to finish your conversation.

“Who are you with?” The words felt poisonous in his mouth, and with the way it felt like Matt’s chest was caving in, he worried that you would actually be his cause of death. He heard you sigh, and he could imagine you running a hand down your face in the way you always did when you didn’t want to answer a question.

“A friend of a friend, his name is Nick.” You told him, your voice sounding tight. He wasn’t sure why he asked, he couldn’t care less about the answer. Really, he just didn’t want you to hang up and go back to a guy that wasn’t him.

“It’s eleven at night, how are you still on a date?” He tried to joke, tried to hide his pain, because if you were on a date with someone else he’d let you. He’d already hurt you once, and if you were happy with this Nick guy, then he’d let you be.

“Clearly because it’s going well.” You nearly leveled him completely with your response. And if you had killed him before, that single comment was the final nail in his coffin. He knew what you were alluding to, that the date had gone so well you had gone back to his place. He felt like he was going to be sick, thinking of you in some other guy’s apartment, another guy getting to see you in every way he wanted to.

“Oh.”

“Look, Matt, I’ve got to go.” You didn’t sound happy, that was clear. Was it because of him? He shouldn’t have called you, because now he broke his own heart. His next thought was a heavy weight on his shoulders, and he desperately wished he could go back to being blissfully ignorant to his own feelings.

Did he make you feel as terrible as he did then?

“Yeah, yeah of course.” He pursed his lips, not wanting to hang up first and share you with another guy. It wasn’t sharing, truly, because he didn’t have you at all and whoever this Nick was had you entirely, at least for the night. And because Matt felt like things couldn’t get worse, he added his next comment, “Have fun.”

He absolutely did not want you to have fun.

“Bye, Matty.” He wished you didn’t use the nickname and he wished that you’d call him that for the rest of his life—of your life, together. He chuckled humorlessly, the thought that he could have had you for forever only a week and a half ago was enough to make him want to scream. Mumbling a goodbye, he hung up before he had the chance to break his own heart more.

Johnny was wrong.

Never, apparently, was the only option.

#Matthew tkachuk imagine #matthew tkachuk #Matthew tkachuk x reader #Matthew tkachuk fic #Calgary flames #calgary flames imagine #calgary flames x reader #hockey imagine #hockey x reader #nhl imagine #nhl x reader

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syubub · 3 years

Text

May 13th Reading

Definitely long awaited and way bigger than I intended it to be so buckle up.

Funky disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact! This is my interpretation of the cards!

Oh boy. The continuation of yoongis soulmate saga.

(Note frome future me: it's not proofread but I'm hungry. Sorry for mistakes!)

So so so so

Let's start.

I started with all the normal jazz. Connecting with his energy and shit. Same as usual same old same old. Platform= same same. I was like, "hey, let's talk about your soulmate and the whole may 13th shit" and we connected via energy stringy thing to the forehead and such. I was intresting bc my end of the string was kinda my energy color! Neato. Looks like some rest has really done me good!

Okay, here's where I start actually asking shit. I made notes at this point before the reading as I usually do. I'm just gonna insert the screen shot here.

The 14 thing really fucked me up. You'll see later. Also, when I got the whole Pisces Jupiter thing I had to do me some googling bc we established that Jupiter went into Pisces ON May 13th so I was like?? Am I missing something?

I was. I forgot that it goes retrograde and then co.es back to Pisces on December 28th. And I do indeed think it to be significant.

The shit about temperance makes a lot of sense. In yoongis first soulmate read I flipped my shit bc he was like, "You're gonna get temperance reverse" in regards to a card for his soulmate and I was like "pft whatever. Don't play me like that"

And then I got temperance reverse. It's been a significant card from the jump.

I asked him if he had any advice for his soulmate and that's what "Don't wait for big things, you'll miss the small ones that lead you to bigger things" and "Look for facts before assuming" and "Don't try pushing it, forcing it won't make sense" and "A spade is a spade/ ace is an ace" and "Don't make ill informed guesses" all were

Now this part:

"Union has happened , yet to on the physical"

Gave me some hints thankfully because he straight up said no more hints.

This ties back into the whole Jupiter thing too. The seeds are/ have been planted and now they have to grow before they can be harvested.

Well Mr. Yoongi, I'm impatient and I don't want to wait. I want to see you in love pronto.

Anyways

He showed me a little dream box/ trinket box looking thing and a super vague Keychain with no further explanation... so... there's that I guess.

I can't quite decide if "Don't make ill informed guesses" was a tongue-in-cheek pike at me or if it was genuine advice to his soulmate? He just loves to not explain things.

Now let's begin the monster read.

So. The first row of cards

I asked the question, "what the fuck was May 13th and what was it's purpose in regards to your connection"

Important is what it was lol. I interpret this as them finding their footing and this being the starting point of the genuine foundation being layer. Like they've been manifesting eachother for a while but May 13th marked the start of them making the real life changes in their actual lives that will be the set up for them meeting.

The seven of coins is about thoughtful planning and creating security/ stable plan. The tower is essentially ripping away anything and everything that was built on unstable foundation and challenging/ testing your character (an extremely rude awakeing if you will). Judgement is releasing the past so you can rise above it and confronting yourself as you are (Also legit awakening) the queen of coins is financial security and self confidence in your abilities. Ten of coins is prosperity and abundance and most of all, stability. Eight of wands is explosion of potential and rapid movement. Temperance is awareness and balance between physical and spiritual. It's also that quiet peace where you find balance.

So. Seeing all those cards it really does seem like maybe his soulmate took on something new that could lead straight to union? Same for yoongi. I'd like to analyze and recent or new-ish habits or hobbies he's picked up?

Moving right along though. I asked what the 13th did for each of them in their personal life and personal journey. Kinda like what came as a result of that energy? Let's start with yoongles

This was really intresting to me. I think he definitely gained some form of clarity about the situation with that sun card. The 5 of cups tells me that either he was kinda forced to confront some of his flaws in a way that he was trying to avoid or he had to consciously let go of something dear to him? Could be something he had to leave behind because it crumbled with the tower moment but he didn't see it coming or didn't know that it was time to part with it? With that queen of wands though fits beautifully with the sun! Its like he's found warmth after a long winter. Definitely found a spark of compassion and generosity from a place of happiness and love rather than anger, fear, obligation or pitty.

I asked for clarity cards/ anything else that may 13th signified bringing in and we got the 2 of cups and 10 of swords. I have two thoughts. Either he let go of a relationship that he was already in because he didn't feel as though they were particularly compatible anymore (Also ties into the above section) OR the 13th had made him very much consciously aware of his soulmates incoming status and he is now preparing and working on himself for when this person comes. The 10 of swords would be him releasing the past and the pain and any ill fitting behavior that don't vibe with him any longer. Yellow really seems to be working for him by the way.

Soulmate time

Lol. All signs point to his soulmate genuinely starting a new venture. New creative pursuit that will bring them good money. 10 of pentacles is abundance, prosperity and stability. The ace of wands is a new creative spark and passion and it's the first big steps into something new. The 2 of wands is "the world is in the palm of your hands" vibes. Choices need to be made swiftly and with the ace of wands I think they will be. With the heirophant too, it will be a well informed decision because they've been manifesting this and has been searching for all the possible information.

As for clarity, we have the moon. Damn. Soulmates been doing that shadow work. Dredging up all their bullshit and getting rid of it while still taking the time to sit with it and release it so nothing is unresolved. Also probably extra creative due to all the emotional baggage being thrown out. (Definitely helping with the ace of wands vibes tbh)

Now for the bad boys in the middle

The question I asked is what those individual changes (detailed in the last two sections) will bring for the bond and I just can with them. These fuckers. I am so invested in their love story bc it's so... them? And just so fucking ROMANTIC. UGH I CAN'T.

Back to the point. High priestess, 4 of wands and the lovers. The high priestess is deep knowing and insane intuition, the 4 of wands is the purest joy and marriage and the lovers is well, the lovers.a magical union.

FUCK DUDE I NEED THIS TO BE A ROMCOM.

For the row of bottom cards

I asked if they had anything at all to add so I'm gonna explain each card individually bc I think they could be individual tid bits of shit.

Knight of coins is good news about finances/ money looking promising and organized work (also dependability!!). Death is all about transformation, the beginning of a new chapter and accepting in order to move foward. Ace of coins is spiritual and material abundance and also a reminder to keep grounded. Page of swords is confidence, important news coming and really good insight! Roots out secrets or hidden things like a truffle pig. The star is promising potential, healing and guidance from an enexpected place. The two of cups is a soul connection, love, intuition especially in regards to another person and a good bind. The emperor is self awareness, foresight, fearlessness to achieve a goal and confidence. Eight of coins rev is poor discipline and skating by on low effort.

Now to the sides!

Yoongi is the left, soulmate is the right.

So, let's begin with yoongi. The first two cards are anything he wants to say to his soulmate. Wheel of fortune and three of swords reverse. I take this as "its all in divine time/ it's destiny" (wheel of fortune) and "trust your intuition. It's okay to get hurt, you just need to remember you can always pick yourself up" (3of swords rev.)

We have now cards that I asked what he was learning through this process/ in this time. Be positive and first step.

The last two cards are affirmations he wants to give his soulmate.

"When I introduce joy to a situation, I change the vibrational frequency of what's happening around me" and "directing my focus onto what's thriving creates more of what I want"

Now for soulmates cards (same structure)

Strength and eight of swords. "You're stronger than you think. Take every part of yourself and acknowledge it. You're a force to be reckoned with" (strength) and (soulmate snapped at him on this) "the only thing holding you captive is you."

Now we have peer pressure (I think soulmate is learning to say "fuck you" and "fuck off" to people who have a set idea of how everyone should be living their lives), emotional healing and open your arms to receiving.

Then we have "its good to feel good" (lol I feel like yoongi definitely needs this one) and "when I connect to the spiritual realm, I open the door to recieve divine guidance, clear direction, and great wisdom"

The last stretch my friends.

So. Completion, leave behind the things that no longer serve you. Exist in the present and don't keep mulling over the past or any future happenings. Magic, pay attention to the magic around you. Listen for the signs of the universe and take them as they come (essentially listen to divine guidance) . Be open minded but logical as well. Luminous warrior, try focusing on the good in yourself instead of berating yourself for every small flaw. Spiritual path, self explanatory. The blade, your power can be a weapon when used willy nilly (most often wounding the wielder) or it can heal. Don't fear it but also consider how you choose to utilize it. The give away, be greaful for the sake of being greatful for it, not because you want something in return. The rain maker, manifestation station. Create with the tools you have because you have everything you need in order to manifest. "Don't take life personally"

Now we have heaven sent.

""Let yourself be helped" assistance is coming your way so act on it and say yes"

" This Oracle also comes with the message that you are to trust in the things that you feel and say to others without knowing why. It moves them. You might not understand, but through trust you are allowing yourself not to overthink and censor yourself. As such you are able to become a vessel through which the spiritual gift can be passed on to others. Don't block yourself. Let life happen through you. Only benefit can come from this."

And free from judgment, free to love

" If you have been asking life for a solution to a specific difficulty you have been having, this Oracle comes with the message that a solution is in gestation right now. This situation is already being sorted out and the resolution will come to fruition very soon. Hold tight and wait for the eminent birth of that resolution."

" This Oracle also brings you a message about love. You may find that you are loving, or soon will love, in a different way. You may worry about this love, given that it defies what you have known or been taught about love. Perhaps you are becoming able to love another tremendously, even though you don't have much of a personal relationship with them. You might question if this love is real. It is real Kama it is just happening at a different level to the love and attachment you experience when you are involved in a personal relationship with someone. It is not more or less, it is just a different facet of love. It may be that you are opening up to love the planet and her creatures, including the animals, the ocean dwelling life, your own body, the trees and so on, more than before period you may feel passionately purposeful about giving your time and energy to causes that protect and nurture the Earth and her creatures. You are affirmed in this love too. The universal mother is operating through you to nurture life. She will support you in your work, so that you can continue To come from love and not become drained, depleted or lost in despair or fear of futility. Instead, you will be energised and expanded by your dedicated service to life."

" Finally, this Oracle has a message for those who may be feeling alone or lonely in a need of greater nurturing from others. You are asked to stop, relax, centre and settle into your body to feel your connection with life itself. The air in your lungs is the same as the air that moves through the trees. The water in your blood is the same water that fills the oceans and is moved by the phases of the moon. The flesh of your body is the same substance as the body of the Earth itself. The heat in your digestive system is the same fire and heat as that from the Sun. Feel this connection, then do something nice for another without agenda. Make a donation, even if just a small one, smile, say a prayer, sent out a good thought or make a wish for another. That's it. You have connected to life again and in doing so, life can connect with you. And so it shall.

And that's all for the cards but but but.

Someone (either my guide or yoongi) was like, "do a song. Do a song. Do a song." And I was like, "oki doki, sounds good.

So I asked what numbers I should try refreshing and then it hit me. The number 14 came up before the reading and it seemed a bit misplaced? So I did 14 shuffles and look what popped up

You gotta be fucking with me.

Istg these fools will actually be the death of me dude. Euphoria is so romantic and I lowkey feels like it describes a bit of what their bond must be like.

YOONGGGIIII

Anyway,

I came back to the platform to be like, "thanks homie" and it was weird bc he was practically pure energy? Like usually I visualize his energy as what his physical body looks like because it's easier to comprehend? But nope, he was just a big shimmery glob of energy.

As I was going to disconnect, a few things happened. I felt tingly and the platform was vibrating almost? So I was like, "hold on, what the fuck is this?"

And then

It hit me

"MIN YOONGI IS YOUR SOULMATE HERE??"

I could tell this fuckin asshole was smug even in his blue glob form.

The color was... blue like yoongi but also a light lavender/ pink kinda vibe. Pretty damn distinct.

I was so stoked and I thought we'd all get to chat and I could yell at his soulmate for being an elusive asshat

But Mr smug butt had different plans.

My dude dropped a little marble thing in my hand and I was like ??? And he was like, "you'll know when you need it" and I was like ?????

My guide took pity on me and said, "it's just a representation on information that you've been given but it isn't the proper time to unpack it yet"

Cool cool so like and energetic zip file that will release itself whenever it damn well pleases? Cool cool cool.

(Asshole)

Anyway, I genuinely think that my excitement of this whole situation must somehow also influence how yoongis energy handles my prodding? Like what the fuck is this marble bullshit?

To top it all off, he gives me a friendly shove off of his platform.

Thanks, buddy.

Now we are here. And as always, I'm left with more questions.

My main take away is that amay 13th through July 28th will be all the foundation and ground work and December 28th 2021 through May 10th (11th? 9th?) 2022 will be a more likely time for physical union and actual relationship stuffs.

Anyone who knows more about astrology please feel free to chime in on this whole Jupiter in Pisces bit! My understanding is super surface level!!

~~~~

That was a big boi and now my thumbs hurt real bad. Hope you were entertained by the chaos.

#bts #bts tarot #bts reactions #yoongi #bts imagines #bts readings #yoongi imagine #bts suga #min suga #suga #min yoongi

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papers4me · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket Manga Review ch (90)- First pages ONLY.

I skimmed thro ch-89 to know the context of ch-90. it was Cinderella’s play. In this chapter, Kyo says early on, that time has passed since the play & that they are NOW starting their third year in high school. cool.

This part will ONLY focus on the 1st few pages of ch 90 abt (kyo & tohru) & stop before kyo’s memories starts, because the early pages contain:

Tons of new unexplored analysis of (kyo & tohru) characters that unfortunately was intentionally cut & worse! “changed” in the anime.

No space to add kyoko’s story in this post.

Kyoko’s story is full psychologically & socially.. I need to take a deeeeeeep breath before I unpack it. very deeeeep breath!

-Glimpses of Tohru (the silent grieving girl) Subtle Writing of Grief:

Right from the beginning, I hate how much insight into tohru’s grief & weakness as a human being is already there in the first few pages of ch-90 than the entire 3 seasons of the anime! From few pages we have:

Tohru’s seemingly delighted watching a video. Subtly, showcasing tohru’s grieve & paving the path for tohru’s trauma exploration later in the story. Grief is not sth you quickly past, that’s the most tragic misunderstanding of grief. Time will pass, so, you’ll be better & healthier. Really?!. Tohru’s inner desire to see her mom alive manifested in her words: “ like a photo comes to life” T_T.

The story/writing/manga is acknowledging tohru’s heartbreaking & NOT cute habit of talking to her mom’s cold dead photo! In the anime, tohru talks to her a lot in se01 & it’s up to you to see as as “ cute” as all the canon characters do or actually feeling it IS wrong. Kyo’s “ what would she do if there were a video of her mom”! “ drives the point more abt tohru being a sad grieving human~not the “advice-giving, optimistic angel, & rain-stopping sunshine in the anime.

Tohru telling kyo to NOT catch cold connecting it to se01, ep 9 (haru’s ep) when tohru was afraid that yuki might catch cold & kyo noticed that! so now in se03, they’re dropping this plot altogether within the main anime, for what? we dont even know if this part would be included in whatever “ kyoko’s” spinoff content would be. -_-’.

That’s how you write subtle trauma such as (grief) for a main (female) MC. subtlety is the key. Respect the viewers intelligence & do it.

You don’t have to give her the long speeches or the many focused ep that yuki had. he’s the kind who confront himself inwardly constantly.

You don’t have to showcase drama, confrontation & force the emotions out like you did with kyo. he runs from his trauma & punishes himself.

Tohru buries her feelings! she’s different from both kyo & yuki. So, with her subtle & symbolic scenes are enough!!!The viewers will catch it if you show it, but ignoring it, cutting it & hoping the viewers will magically predict what you cut, is weird. But the anime isn’t even into us predicting nor subtly showing her cuz this tohru is NOT the tohru we have in the anime. How?

Simply cuz there is no kyo’s inner thoughts abt small things such as tohru’s photo obsession which subtly shows her grief & trauma. If kyo didn’t monologue abt her, tohru does not exist as she’s meant to be. You loose the subtle insights into tohru if you cut kyo’s inner thoughts. Not everything kyo thinks abt in regards to tohru is romance!!! That’s a very narrow & superficial look into the writing of kyo/’tohru dynamics. Flip the pages, hmm..cut this kyoru scene here & there cuz we dont want the anime to be only their love story.. But the story itself IS NOT only their love story at all. These pages/scenes here are abt tohru as a PERSON. Not tohru the lover...

- Writing Clashes between manga & anime: (Kyo’s Conscious Gradual Psychological Exploration vs Shock Value & Drama)

In ch 90 i really love all the inner self talking that kyo’s doing. It really explains why he ended up rejecting tohru so strongly. Also, going for a trip into kyo’s mind is hella exciting, new, refreshing & full of analysis-worthy exploration! Kyo’s inner psychological argument with himself is a psychologically-informed presentation of a tried guilty mind:

“ Why can’t I stop thinking of (kyoko’s words) lately? Acknowledging that he IS remembering kyoko & never forgot her. This is also supported in the anime itself. When he apologized to a sleeping tohru in se01, ep14 & se02, ep9 , confronting yuki in the stairs & other instances as well.

“ It’s like a lid been opened & all the memories came pouring”. Acknowledging that kyo DID open his lid since se02, ep9 byt chose to run & not confront it due to his guilt of ruining tohru’s happiness by confessing his connection to her mom.

“ pretending I didn’t know, pretending I forgot”. Here is a blatant clash in kyo’s writing (1) between the anime & manga (2) between the anime’s episodes themselves!!. In the manga, again kyo chose to ignore & pretended to forget. Death is NOT sth you forgot. Kyo saw kyoko bleeding & dying. The anime chose to make him totally forget & it could’ve worked if they didn’t included all the canon moments of him actually remembering & pretending to forget. Is that lazy writing? or was the director for se03 different from se 1 &2 &? chose to NOT watch the two previous seasons? Why would you consciously include a contradicting depiction of your character on screen for thousands of confused viewers? Was the scene of kyo’s shocked gave upon seeing kyoko’s photo that artistically appealing that you forgot everything? I really have NO problem of kyo forgetting kyoko if that was written in the anime since se01, but it wasn't. that's why it sucks.

“Is this payback? maybe I want to blame ME?” augh! i love this line so much! Directly hinting to the viewers that this is kyo’s one-sided guilt before his story with kyoko even started! subtly paving the path for the reason of his rejection of tohru” I dont want forgiveness. I want to blame ME.

-I don’t mind that the anime left kyo’s thoughts of kyoko until the climax in eo8, cuz ep 8 was SO well-done! Se03, ep 8 pacing was very suitable to (1) uncovering dark secrets & death, trauma, & guilt. (2) for exploring the effects such secrets on kyo’s character, decisions, mentality. Also, the animation of kyo’s face all ep 8 was one of the most expressive facial expressions the anime has ever delivered! The eyebrows, eyes, mouth, tears, body languages, heartache was all 100% perfect. The fact that the following eps didnt have much time to express everything & chapters were cramped is not ep 8′s fault but the decision to have 13 eps. Kyo’s delayed trauma deserved to have its own ep.

-What I DO mind is the added scene of ep 6 where he freaked out upon seeing kyoko’s picture, the concept of shock is perfect & so suitable for an anime but was NEVER properly written into the anime itself from the beginning. On the contrary, the anime itself contradict such usage of such value. Good job ruining an otherwise perfect-depiction of two traumatized characters (kyo & tohru) with ONE scene.. -_-

Side Notes:

I thought tohru is narrating the 1st page in ch-90, turned it out it is kyo!!!! Kyo narrates sth? Kyo monologues? kyo has a POV? Just the setting of kyo doing that feels different! I duno if it cuz when that happens in the anime it’s always clash & drama! lol, or cuz it’s sth original!

Shigure’s “ it’s broadcasted all over the nation” is epic! XD! you know poor stupid kyo would fall for that! XD. kyo, you really are an idiot! XD... man this scene would’ve been epic comedy~ lol.

Tohru not knowing what a “dvd” is is outdated for the anime, but to still keep the sentiment of “her wishing she’d have a video footage of her mom”, they could’ve replaced her words with “ It’d be fun watching this play years from now & remembering all the details”. I know that to some, it feels weird that tohru doesn't have video footage of her mom in this era. but trust me, this is more common than you might think. My late brother, who’s way younger than me, doesn't have much video footage, he always felt awkward & preferred not to be filmed. We got photos for him tho~

Even if you want kyo’s knowledge of kyoko to be in the climax only. You can always include this scene of tohru & kyo in the first pages in the anime somehow. It doesn't even need to be abt the dvd even tho that’s manageable. Cutting this short scene of them talking abt videos, & catching cold is cutting tohru’s trauma from its core. Then, the old grandpa’s narration from se03, ep6 would at least have some backup in the anime’s canon.

Momiji & shigure are perfect as a comedic duo!

I can’t get over tohru’s art~ <3

Pinning kyo at the beginning is epic~ kyo always gets the BEST romantic lines when he talks to himself. “ burning (tohru’s ) memories into my head or forgetting everything”. The torturing fire inside him is only distinguished by loving her but is also ignited by loving her~ what’s the solution~

#Fruits Basket #manga #fruits basket manga #manga spoilers #reading paper #love the new content!#Hate the missing content #lol

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whitleyschn33 · 3 years

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Not Everything Can Be Wiped Away With A Hug

Or why I’m not happy with Weiss and Whitley’s reconciliation.

Whitley and Weiss haven’t had a great relationship. From the first time we see him, the two are shown to not be comfortable with each other. Weiss’ tone when they meet is one of dismissiveness and wariness, even if the conversation ends on a technically hopeful note. As the show goes on, every interaction the two have is riddled with tension. Weiss accuses him of wanting her loss of status, Whitley gets angry and bites back. Whitley stops by her room to ask if she wants anything and twist the knife, Weiss asks if he’s jealous and slams the door in his face. When Weiss comes back at the party, she does everything she can to brush him off, clearly annoyed, while Whitley talks about what he’s been up to since she’s been gone. Weiss laughs when Whitley gets splashed with wine, Whitley storms off in a huff. Then Weiss comes back during the... siege(? I don’t know what to call this failed attempted at a Fall), commanders the house, shoves a weapon in Whitley’s face, sends him to his room like he’s a child, and then doesn’t acknowledge him again until he calls Klein. At which point she hugs him and all tensions disappears from their relationship.

See what’s missing here? We have point A of massive hostility between the two with both parties having grievances with the other and point B of both parties having found a balance in their relationship. What’s missing is a strong connection between those two points. What’s missing is the meat of the actual arc, something between set up and pay off, and that’s ultimately the problem with their reconciliation. It wasn’t worked for, at least on Weiss’s end. There was no effort for any of their grievances to be addressed, talked about, and worked through. There was no point where they took the grievances that had been brought up and had the characters discuss or react to them in any meaningful way. It just fell into their laps - or rather, it fell mostly into Weiss’s lap. That’s the short version, anyway. Let’s discuss the long version.

In Volume 7, Weiss and Whitley’s relationship is tense, Weiss clearly annoyed and dismissive of her brother for being a snot towards her, and Whitley angry that Weiss ignores him and abandoned him to their neglectful/abusive parents. In episode 7, though, Willow flat out tells Weiss why Whitley acts the way he does to her. Willow gives us Whitley’s motivations - that he’s hurt and resentful towards Weiss. This is the set up for a reconciliation; Weiss has been given insight into Whitley’s point of view (had it literally shoved in her face), and has the chance to contemplate it so as to be able to find common ground later.

Plot stuff happens, and the two are separated as Weiss deals with all that until Weiss needs a place to lay low. Armed with new information on Whitley’s disposition, Weiss...

Whitley: Oh, you’ve picked a fine time to--

Weiss interrupts by pointing Myrtenaster at him, and he looks at the blade in fright.

Weiss: Not. Another. Word. We’re coming in.

Whitley steps aside and groans as Ruby’s group walks into the manor.

...threatens him after saying 7 words. Not even words of “you can’t come in” or anything to suggest he won’t let them in but, “oh great, this is a wonderful~ time to drop by”, venting frustration. Weiss doesn’t try anything else before shoving a weapon in his face (the face of an unarmed, defenseless, civilian minor that physically can’t stop her from coming in anyway) and forcing her way inside.

Whitley: Things are already bad enough after what you did to father, now you want us to harbor fugitives too? Our family has a reputation.

He crosses his arms in annoyance. Blake, having set Nora down on the floor, looks at him.

Blake: That’s what you’re worried about? Your reputation?

Whitley: I’m just saying that we’ve already lost all the house staff, and Mother locked herself in her room.

Weiss: Maybe you haven’t figured out what’s going on, Whitley, but we’re busy trying to save Atlas.

Whitley continues to vent his frustration. Jacques, Whitley’s only source of familial attention, has been taken away by Weiss (”what you did to Father”), the staff has all vacated the estate (most likely a combination of their employer being carted away in the back of a military truck and then all hell breaking loose in Mantle and Atlas airspace), and Willow, the only other human being in the mansion, has locked herself in her room for several hours, up to almost 24 hours (I’m honestly lost on the timeline of this volume with how much it flip-flops between night and day, and I can’t be bothered to rewatch these episodes).

Whitley has been left completely and utterly alone, and Weiss comes back not for him, but to use his resources to hide herself and her friends, all of which are wanted by the military. I don’t know what Atlesian policy is, but harboring fugitives is a crime punishable with prison sentences in the US, dependent on what the fugitive is charged with. She’s forcing him to risk being arrested and imprisoned for her crimes, after destroying his family’s reputation with Jacques’ arrest and causing everyone to vacate the manor and leaving him utterly alone (the way he follows up Blake’s response with “I’m just saying we’ve already lost all the house staff” makes me think he’s tying those two things together. With Jacques’s arrest, their reputation is falling, and everyone’s jumping ship, starting with the house staff. Any other family allies the Schnees might have legally and politically are likely to follow suit to save their own skin (ah, societal politics of the rich). Harboring fugitives and Whitley and possibly Willow arrested as well? The Schnees are sunk, dead in the water. They’re not getting out of that, they’ll be left to the dogs.). And how does Weiss respond?

Weiss: Maybe you haven’t figured out what’s going on, Whitley, but we’re busy trying to save Atlas.

How in the absolute hell is he supposed to come to this conclusion? No, really, tell me. He knows two things: one, he knows there’s some kind of Grimm threat in the heatless Mantle and hovering around Atlas based on the news - maybe; we don’t know how much the news has reported about how bad it is outside of that one Mantle broadcast and how much Whitley has kept up with the news (he seems the type to absorb in as much information as possible, but he may not have been watching every waking second) - and two, he knows his sister and her friends have pissed off the military and are marked as fugitives. There is no way for him to know that the group of fugitives are doing anything to help Atlas, especially when he has no way to know what’s going on and what Weiss+co are up to. Weiss’ comment does nothing but imply that he’s too wrapped up in his own stuff to see the big picture, when he doesn’t have the knowledge that there’s even a big picture to look at. Rather than trying to reach out and reason with Whitley, Weiss snaps at him and treats him like he’s being self absorbed and shallow. His life is falling apart, he’s been left behind again by staff and his mother, and Weiss doesn’t just not respond to it, she gets mad at him for it. It’s Ruby that has to step up and tell him that they just need a place for their friend to heal and then they’ll leave (which turns out to be a bold-faced lie, but that’s another post).

Whitley relents then, and asks what they want him to do. Weiss then tells him to “go to his room”. Let’s set this up - we don’t know how old Whitley is, but we can guess based on Weiss’s age. Weiss is 19, and Whitley is likely 2 to 3 years younger, as he seems a bit older than Oscar but most likely more than a year younger than Weiss. That makes Whitley at least 16 years old, possibly 17. Whitley is either just a year younger or the same age as Ruby, the girl Weiss is blindly following as a leader. Whitley is not a child. A minor, probably, but not a child (I consider “child” to be 12 and under, and minor to be 13 - 16/17 (depending on what the age of maturity is in Remnant, which I’ve always considered to be 17 based on Beacon admission ages) btw to clarify). Yet, Weiss tells the boy that she has no legal or emotional authority over that’s about the same age as her leader to go to his room, treating him like he’s a petulant child. She doesn’t want to have to deal with him, so she shunts him aside - makes it clear that she’s not going to break his isolation, she wants him out of her way. Alone.

The relationship between Weiss and Whitley was already tense and hostile, but this pushes that to the next level. Before, it was hurt feelings and snipping - valid hurt feelings on both sides - but this has escalated it. Physical threats of violence, forcing him into committing a possible felony, and then dismissing him like he’s a child shows a lack of respect for Whitley, and is the exact opposite of working towards reconciliation. I wouldn’t be surprised if Whitley’s anger and resentment towards his sister grew after this; that would be my reaction.

“But wait!” You might be thinking. “That’s not really fair to Weiss - she’s worried about Nora who’s possibly dying and about being followed by Atlas’ military. She just wants to get under cover as fast as possible and then get to helping Nora! She’s stressed and tense, it makes sense that she’d be brusque to Whitley; we shouldn’t judge her so harshly.” To which I say - character is the choices you make under pressure, not when everything is just fine. Weiss resorting to the threat of violence immediately against someone she knows is no threat when faced with a tense situation where some diplomacy and respect would go a long way, it’s not a good look for who she is as a person. But alright, let’s play that game. Weiss is too worried about Nora to deal with Whitley at the moment. She gets Nora to bed, starts treating her as best she can, and then...

Nothing. Weiss doesn’t speak to Whitley again until he calls Klein for Nora, presumably a day later (once again, I’m not entirely sure. They arrive at what I believe is sunset, Amity happening that night, then the sun rising or setting in Midnight (?) and in War it’s night again as Klein arrives, so I think that this has to be the next night but it’s extremely difficult to tell and causes a crap ton of plot holes, thanks a lot CRWBY (I might skim through each episode to put together just how broken the timeline is)). That’s 24 hours where Weiss didn’t decide to ask Ruby or Blake (who I would have thought would be the one to have the most first aid knowledge of the three with her militia group experience) to watch over Nora for a few minutes while she seeks out Whitley to talk to him. 24 hours where she didn’t choose to apologize for threatening him, or go to talk to him about what’s going on, or follow up on Willow’s request, or ask if their mother is even alive still if she’s been locked up drinking for over a day, probably 2 (again, the timeline is fucked up). That’s not “I’m rushing and being harsher than I normally would out of concern for my friend”, that’s “I don’t regret or care about how I’ve treated my brother; I don’t see any reason to reach out to him” (And as side note - if Weiss had gone to see Whitley earlier, letting him know just how bad of shape Nora was in, Whitley might have called Klein earlier. By talking to her brother, Weiss could have gotten Nora the help she needed sooner, but she didn’t).

This is the next conversation Weiss and Whitley have after she threatens him and sends him to his room. I know I spent far too long breaking it down, but that was just one incident, the only one between between Willow telling Weiss to not forget Whitley and their hug.

Weiss: You called Klein?

Whitley: That girl needs a doctor. (turns away from Weiss) I didn’t do it for you.

Weiss: I know. That’s why it means so much to me.

Whitely gasps as Weiss steps forward to hug him. After some hesitation, he sighs and embraces her back. Weiss gasps when she and the others hear an explosion from outside.

That’s it. That’s their reconciliation. After this point, Whitley shows no anger towards Weiss or brings up his issues with her, so we’re meant to think that this is it, the Weiss-Whitley reconciliation is over.

Now, on Weiss’s side, I could see this putting Whitley in her good graces (maybe). Weiss’ grievances with Whitley boil down to hurt feelings over him being a snot about her loss of inheritance and being annoying. Whitley was being a jerk about it when he came around in V4E9 to twist the knife, but we know why he did that (he was pushing his own situation in Weiss’s face, a “see how you like it, being stuck here alone like I was” type thing), Weiss does get an explanation for it later from Willow, and at the end of the day, that’s all he did. He didn’t betray her, act against her, try and get her in trouble with Jacques - he didn’t do anything to her. Gloating at the role reversal is petty, yes, but it’s not like Weiss doesn’t attempt to fire right back, and it’s not like she wasn’t plenty rude to him when accusing him of wanting it to happen. Weiss mentions “you never liked me” in V4E7, but we never get anything more specific than that, and implies that he was just bitter and snippy with her like he is in V4E9. Theoretically he could have been an absolute terror before, but since we’re never shown any of this or given any examples, it’s difficult to factor in anything Whitley may have done before V4 as a piece of Weiss’ attitude towards him. Point is, since I’m starting to ramble, is that ultimately Whitley hasn’t done anything but hurt Weiss’s feelings, and him calling a doctor for Nora purely because Nora needs one feels like it might be enough to put Whitley in Weiss’ good graces, even if it raises some uncomfortable implications - that Weiss only extends her love and affection when Whitley does something she likes and can revoke it if he does something she doesn’t (like make a light joke).

On Whitley’s end, though, this scene is an absolute mess of an ending. At the end of Volume 7, Whitley is angry and resentful towards Weiss (and Winter) for abandoning him to abusive and neglectful parents, and then arresting Jacques, taking away his only source of attention and dealing a huge blow to their family’s status. In Volume 8, Weiss comes back, threatens him physically, dismisses his concerns, treats him like a child by sending him to his room, and leaves him alone again until he does something she likes. At no point does Weiss do anything that would make his attitude towards her shift to the better; in fact, she does things that should only further alienate him. Why is Whitley no longer mad at her? Because she gave him a hug? That doesn’t change that she still (from his point of view) abandoned him without a second thought, blamed him for things he didn’t do, threatened him with a weapon, forced him to harbor them, and then talked down to him and pushed him aside when she didn’t want to deal with him - abandoning him again. Weiss has done nothing to make Whitley any less resentful. She hasn’t acknowledged how she’s hurt him, they haven’t discussed why he was so hurt by her leaving, there’s been no attempt for the rift between them to be mended. Weiss just hugs him, and somehow that makes everything better. I didn’t realize that Whitley was so completely starved for affection that a hug makes him forget everything leading up to it - a hug that he initially backed away from.

He has his hands raised defensively, he starts backing away, and his expression is completely shocked. His posture is completely stiff, his arms falling to his side and hands clenching into fists. He’s clearly not comfortable with this initially, before giving in with a sigh and hugging Weiss back - giving in and giving Weiss what she wants.

Weiss is happy with him now, so Whitley can’t be upset. Weiss gives her approval, Whitley has been useful to her, so Whitley is “redeemed” in the eyes of the characters and the audience. What Whitley wants, what Whitley feels, what motivates Whitley? They don’t matter now that Weiss cares about him again. They aren’t discussed, they don’t continue to effect how Whitley acts and views Weiss, Weiss has forgiven him, so Whitley isn’t allowed to still be pissed with Weiss. Weiss didn’t have to do anything to reconcile with her brother, she doesn’t have to be humbled or acknowledge her own role in this dysfunctional relationship. She got to treat him with violence and like a child, and then hug him and act like everything is forgiven when by all reasonable logic, Whitley should be pushing her away, repeating that he didn’t do this for her and to back off.

Weiss didn’t work for this; Weiss didn’t earn this. Whitley’s own emotions and motivations were stripped away to let her get her brother on her side without her having to confront her own mistakes, because RWBY refuses to let its main girls make mistakes.

This isn’t the first time this has happened in RWBY, far from it. This isn’t even the only example of this happening with Whitley. Next episode and a few later, they do the exact same thing with Whitley and Willow! Whitley starts episode 8 rightfully pissed at his mother; she’s left him completely alone for two days straight to drink in her room, being less than useless, straight up neglectful. This anger carries on when she tries to call him, him turning to the door as the Hound approaches with anger. During the Hound attack, Willow grabs onto him, and he lets him. That makes sense, both of them were extremely frightened by this Grimm unlike anything they’d ever seen. What doesn’t make sense is that in episodes 11 and 12, Willow is still hanging onto him. I haven’t watched episode 11 for personal reasons (RWBY’s pissed me off), but I’ve seen the screenshots.

Willow’s holding onto him like she’s showing him off with pride. It’s a cute image - but why is Whitley allowing it? Why is Whitley not pulling away? Whitley was rightfully angry at his mother for neglecting him, for leaving him emotionally and mentally, right up until the Hound attack. Now, I know what you’re thinking; Willow saved his life. They killed the Hound together. Something like that, it can being people together. I agree - and I would even buy that being the spark for Whitley giving his mother another chance if there had been any kind of scene or even conversation on screen where we get to see this transition from rightfully anger at a drunk neglectful mother to a son giving a proud mother another chance at being his mother. It would have been incredibly easy to slip in, too! Like, and I’m just spitballing here -

Willow after the Hound is killed: Are you alright, Whitley?

Whitley: Oh, so you suddenly care. That’s nice to know.

Willow: I have always cared -

Whitley: Then you haven’t ever shown it! Whitley gets visibly angry. You’ve done nothing but leave me alone in this house with him while you drown yourself in your wine. You haven’t cared about me since I was 7 years old! Stop acting like you’re my mother! Whitley starts walking off.

Willow: Whitley - ! Willow reaches out for Whitley and stops him I - she deflates - You’re right. I have been a horrible mother. I’ve left you alone, all this time, and if I had been even slightly more drunk tonight, you might have been killed. ...I might have lost you for good, and it would have been my own fault. I’m sorry...

Whitley: He pauses, and falls silent.

Willow: ...Please. I almost lost you tonight, and I don’t want to lose you to something I can fix. Is there anything I can do? Can I... Can I get a chance?

Whitley: .....he turns back to Willow, taking a deep breath, and looks up at her. ...One chance. You can’t - You can’t fix all of this, but... Whitley looks away ...I’ve wanted you back for 9 years. I don’t want to lose you either if I might get you back.

Willow: Willow looks surprised, before giving him a weak smile and pulling him into a hug. Thank you, Whitley. And I am so, so proud of you.

Whitley: Whitley stiffens with surprise, looking at his mother with shock, but returns the shaky smile and hugs her back.

One minute for this conversation, and I would be completely on board with Whitley and Willow seeming to reconcile as well. The same goes with Weiss, except a longer conversation.

If Weiss and Whitley had had even one talk where they both admit their faults and failings, apologize to each other, and agree to try again, I would be all on board with this Schnee family reconciliation. As it is now, though, with how it’s been written in the show, neither Weiss nor Willow have had to work to repair their relationships with Whitley; Whitley’s anger has just been wiped away. They set up the potential for reconciliation between Weiss and Whitley, between Willow and Whitley, acknowledging why Whitley is angry with both of them, but rather than have any of the characters take that knowledge and use it to reach out to Whitley, the writers skip all of that and let the characters treat Whitley however they want until they end up reconciled with one act. A single summon is treated like it makes up for years of neglect. A single hug because Whitley was useful to Weiss is treated like it makes up for abandonment, disrespect, and threats of violence. They don’t, and the lack of respect the writers’ have for the emotions of a male abuse victim sickens me.

#rwby #rwby8 #whitley schnee #weiss schnee #willow schnee #man this got long

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miyacchis · 3 years

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Notes from a Con Man - Musical Great Pretender Stage Report Act 1

This is a bit extremely rambly, but I want to give some description of the distinguishing features of the staged version of Great Pretender as compared to the anime, although my plan is not to give a complete recap of the plot, as I’m sure anyone who is choosing to read this has watched the anime - or so I assume, but you know you do you. I try to control myself and keep it just to what is relevant, but I’m also a wordy bitch and that will never change, so, reader beware, I guess.

The stage is set up with three levels (the stage level, the second floor, and the third floor where the band is). Both the stage level and second floor have a couple of rooms that can be pulled out or opened, and backgrounds are projected onto the set to create different settings. With the exception of the opening theme, which is taken from the anime, all of the music is live, and there’s very good interplay between the band and the performers, and I don’t know if I’d ever been to another show that felt so vibrant/alive/idk?

First, the biggest change made for the sake of clear storytelling on the stage is the addition of a framing device: the plot is conveyed to the audience through Edamura’s (Miyata Toshiya) narration as he tells his story to a prosecutor after the events of LA Connection. The play opens where LA Connection ends with Edamura being questioned at a police station, where it’s clear that he has been attempting for hours to convince detectives to believe the team-confidence-wild-and-wacky-adventures ™ explanation as to how he came to be in possession of a bag stuffed with foreign currency. Detectives are fed up with him and ready to go berniewiththesteelchair.jpeg on his ass. Enter Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), an elite prosecutor who seems to be on track to become attorney general, although it is unclear to those at the police station why he would take interest in Edamura’s case.

Edamura is initially reluctant to open up to Kitaoji (Kato Ryo), certain that he won’t be believed, but after Kitaoji quotes from Shakunetsu (side note: I had no idea that in English Shakunetsu was turned into Die Hot which is an absolutely incredible pun and I really commend the translator), Edamura thinks Kitaoji might be just the person to believe him and help him to make amends to all those he had harmed through his life of fraud. Kitaoji encourages Edamura to start at the beginning and goes to eat a piece of candy, prompting Edamura to question, “What would you do if this simple piece of candy was sold for $5 million?” at which point he begins telling his story, transporting us first to a club in Hollywood where we are introduced to the plot with Sakura Magic and, more importantly, Laurent (Miya Rurika, goddess, dressed devastatingly in green), who is identified in quick succession as a French trader, an arrogant Don Juan, and the “bastard who got me into this mess.”

Edamura bumbles through Laurent’s plot to build hype and clinch a deal with Cassano (Otani Ryosuke) by having Abby (Yamamoto Chihiro) “test” the “drug,” while giving small asides to Kitaoji to explain the main players and reveal to him that this is all a con job, but when Edamura is called to sign the contract to supply Cassano with the drug for $5 million, he flips out, pulls Salazar’s (Mikami Ichiro) gun, and flees the club, without the excuse of believing that he had taken drugs as he did in the anime. It is also not at this point that Edamura makes the connection between Laurent and Kudo and realizes that he’s been set up (Miyata!Edamura is overall a bit less perceptive than Kobayashi!Edamura, as we shall see, although I think this was a function of simplifying aspects of the characters’ interactions for the sake of clarity for the stage).

Kitaoji pops in and out of the story from this point, donning different costumes (an unhoused person, Toyotomi Hideyoshi, Razzie from the Shakunetsu series, etc.) to illustrate different aspects of the main characters’ conversations, and he serves as a way to get into Edamame’s head, allowing him to express what he is thinking and feeling as events in the story play out. It is in the metanarrative that we get some of these more comedic scenes, as well as additional insight into Edamura’s character as he grapples with his own identity as a scam artist and the son of a child trafficker.

After escaping Cassano’s henchmen outside the club, Edamura rejoins Kitaoji to ask if he’s following the story so far, which of course he is not (lol), so Edamura dives into how he met Laurent and came to be in LA. From here we flashback three days, joining Edamura and Kudo (Fukumoto Shinichi) in Asakusa as they spy Laurent as a potential mark. Edamura pulls the wallet-switch trick, and this scene generally follows the anime, although parts, such as the scenes showing Edamura selling water filters and Edamura and Kudo being raided by what seems to be the police, have been cut. After realizing that Laurent pickpocketed him and saw through his grift, Edamura quickly follows and catches him as he is about to depart in a cab to the airport. Just a moment to talk about this cab because it was such a cute, clever idea; it was really just a little push car driven by one of the supporting cast, and it can be disconnected in the middle, so as the driver pulls off, the back seat can be left behind, allowing the audience to watch Laurent and Edamura’s conversation as they are taken to the airport.

Similarly to the anime, the successive scenes are nominally delivered in English, so Edamura switches to a dialect of Japanese to represent his accented English, which I mention only because Miyata discussed Edamura’s code switching with Kobayashi (Edamura’s Japanese voice actor) in an interview in vol. 51 of Stage Square and how he was concerned that he might confuse Standard Japanese and the dialect during scenes where he has to go back and forth quickly. Kobayashi reassured him that as he got into the character of Edamura Miyata would naturally fall into dialect whenever speaking to Laurent and Abby, and I’m very biased, buuuttttt throughout the run of the show, Miyata performed this beautifully, and as someone who for several years lived in the Tohoku region, the dialect of which Edamura’s accent reminded me of, his accent made me really nostalgic.

Anywayyyyyy

After Laurent and Edamura bet on the outcome of Laurent’s upcoming “business negotiations” and it’s agreed that they will travel to LA together, the opening theme plays, the main cast is introduced, with Edamura running up and down the set to give a sense of action, the title in massive letters is lowered onto the stage, and we rejoin the main plot with Edamura trying to elude Cassano’s gang on the streets of LA by hiding behind the title. The supporting cast gives us some great background color as like random people in LA, like we’ve got some girls with Starbucks cups, some people breakdancing while simultaneously mugging a Dodgers fan, a skateboarder shouting “STREET”...for some reason. Perfect encapsulation of America *chef’s kiss*

Laurent finds Edamura and tells him to come home because he’s a good boy (😳), and Edamura is then introduced to Abby who, just as in the anime, kicks and knocks him out, after which they collect him and take him to an upscale hotel where Cynthia/Paula Dickens (Senna Ayase) is performing as a jazz singer. Laurent greets her briefly, but we don’t properly get introduced to her character until a later, very frustrating scene, but I’m not going to get started on that yet (it’s not her that’s frustrating, but it’s how they chose to have her and Edamura meet, but anyway we’ll get there). She sings “Summertime,” and it’s a lovely performance; all of her acting choices are very clearly informed by her experience in Takarazuka - she has these really dynamic, almost over-the-top movements and she uses that to her advantage to be one of the more comedic actors - and it’s really entertaining to watch.

Laurent orders them drinks; Edamura has something pink in a little martini glass, and he splutters when he tries to take a sip because he can’t handle his alcohol, which makes Laurent laugh, giving a lot of credence to Laurent’s statement soon after that he derives a lot of pleasure out of toying with naive boys like Edamura who pretend to be tougher than they really are. There’s also some funny adlib with Abby at this point where she gets brought different plates of food like fake fruit on one day and a tower of donuts on another. Laurent explains who Cassano is and the plan to defraud him and gives Edamura a notebook with a fabricated recipe for Sakura Magic, so the notebook is not part of what Edamura prepares himself when he goes later to get himself captured by Cassano to negotiate with him. Edamura has a couple of outbursts accusing Laurent and Abby of putting on airs, pretending to be carrying out justice, repeatedly interrupting the band who give him dirty looks and Shi-won, dressed as one of the saxophonists, loudly blows the saxophone back at him, and this prompts Laurent to be like nah we’re getting too much attention here let’s continue this back at the hotel.

The hotel scene is fairly similar to the anime, but once Edamura is left alone, we get the first instance of him thinking about his family as he reflect on what Laurent had to say about how people don’t always believe the truth that is in front of them as they would rather believe whatever is most convenient. He flashes back to his family going home together after his father finished a case (the hotel room is on the second floor with his mom and dad entering on the stage level; the younger version of Edamura is done in voice over), and of course they seem like a happy family, although it’s interesting that what his dad has to say about ethics was cut from the script. The scene focuses more on Edamura idolizing his father as a great lawyer.

Okay, so we’ve finally come to the scene I absolutely hated and did not think was necessary, after Edamura leaves the hotel room. He is approached by three unhoused persons, one of whom he at first thinks is Kitaoji coming to interrupt the narrative again, but he soon realizes that they are “real homeless.” It was really just a disgusting, cruel stereotype; one of them is playing with a rat they found, another is acting like a junkie, and the ringleader is trying to get money off of him because they haven’t eaten in three days and then they steal his little Toyotomi Hideyoshi figurine and play keepaway with it and don’t stop until Cynthia/Paula Dickens (at this point she’s Paula tho so I’m going to refer to her that way) enters and is like knock it off. So that’s how they meet. Cool. They could easily have come up with something else and they just didn’t.

But, anyway, since he got his figurine back, he explains to Paula that his hobby is collecting capsule toys, and during his explanation, a gacha machine is projected up on the stage, out of which comes Kitaoji dressed as Toyotomi, followed by a bunch of other figures from Japanese history. This part always got a pretty good laugh out of the audience, and I think it was a pretty cute way to stage it. Paula insists they go to dinner together, so she can hear more about Toyotomi, and the capsule toy figurines all follow to a diner (serving “breadfast” 24hrs lol) where Shi-won is dressed as someone named Ricardo. The figurines all start to get drunk, while “Ricardo” fixes Edamura and Paula some tacos; meanwhile Edamura explains that Toyotomi began as a simple peasant, but because of his hard work and study, he was able to climb all the way to the top and unite all of Japan as a powerful lord.

Edamura asks why she decided to help him before and he despairs that he must seem like a beaten dog, but she explains that while she might seem confident, she faces tremendous anxiety getting on stage every day, particularly as she wants to make it big as a performer but can’t expect to get the attention of a label just because she can sing a bit. (In the background, Francis Xavier is completely sloshed and ends up drinking with Ricardo) Edamura suggests that she take inspiration from Toyotomi as someone who was able to trick even his enemies into working with him and represent herself as someone more important than she is to get music producers onto her side. She seems fired up by this proposal, and she says that she’ll follow the example of Toyotomi, “Japan’s best confidence man,” which gives Edamura his own motivation to get back to trying to win the bet with Laurent. He asks Paula to wish him good luck and runs off, and we get the first dance scene with Edamura and a number of samurai as he builds up to confronting Cassano. The scene ends with him running into a video shop, presumably to rent Cassano’s movies.

Laurent and Abby are called to Cassano’s mansion - they argue if Edamura is capable of pulling off a job like this, although Laurent insists that he has a natural talent - but they are certain that he must be dead when they hear from Salazar that Edamura was taken into their custody at the airport trying to run. However, Edamura bursts onto the scene, dressed in a new Hawaiian shirt, and at this point, Miyata looks as though he has been in a swimming pool, but it’s just sweat lmao. Cassano informs them that he’s made a new deal with Edamura for $10 million, and when they ask how, we get a flashback showing how he got onto Cassano’s good side by praising Shakunetsu with Kitaoji, as Razzie, acting out scenes from the Shakunetsu movies on the second floor of the stage. Whenever Cassano hugs Edamura in these scenes, it was really funny because his jacket would get just absolutely covered in Miyata’s sweat just ugh gross lol

Cassano’s accountant joins them and they play out the whole bit about confirming Edamura’s credentials as a pharmaceutical scientist, at which point Edamura finally realizes that Kudo is working with Laurent, when he calls Kudo to thank him for deceiving Cassano’s attorneys. After Cassano has confirmed Edamura’s identity, he takes the crew to his factory and insists that Edamura make Sakura Magic for them right there and then so that they can be sure to properly replicate his recipe. She does this the whole play, but particularly during this scene, you can really see how well Miya Rurika portrays Laurent as always calm and and in control before Edamura but as quietly losing his shit whenever he feels like they’ve been backed into a corner, and we also get some very cute like Laurent clearly being exasperated with Edamura but the two of them starting to be able to play off one another as they convince Cassano that the factory isn’t up to snuff for making Sakura Magic.

They have to clear out because they hear someone coming, but Cassano promises that he will build a new laboratory for Edamura and entrusts his care to Salazar. The police bust in after everyone has left; Anderson does the absolute most to show off to everyone that he’s properly securing the scene, but he’s clearly relieved that Cassano slipped through their fingers once again oh my how does this keep happening oh well better luck next time. We get a proper introduction to Paula and Shi-won as members of the FBI who have come to investigate Laurent and his organization (Paula has changed into this beautifully tailored brown tweed pantsuit and she pulls it off so well), and Paula threatens to expose Anderson’s connections to Cassano if he doesn’t follow her lead.

After the scene in the factory, we return to the present in the interrogation room with Kitaoji and Edamura. Detectives bring Kitaoji additional files on Edamura, asking if the prosecutor has heard of the attorney Ozaki. They inform him that Edamura is Ozaki’s son, and Kitaoji is a bit shocked; he leaves, saying that he will review the files. The detectives collect the money before exiting the room, but not without getting in a dig at Edamura, telling him that he clearly takes after his father. Edamura is stricken by this statement, and the act ends with Edamura battling with this internal conflict.

I don’t think anyone would want to read all of this, but if you have, thank you so much. I hope some of it at least was interesting or informative. I’m going to end there for now, as I’ve already gone on for too long, and I’ll finish writing up the second act in another post.

#it's too long i'm sorry lmao #i have not edited this so sorry as well if there are mistakes #great pretender

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omniscientwreck · 3 years

Note

Hello! For the imtimacy prompt list #30 for Shadowgast🖤💜

Hello! This was the prompt I was most hoping someone would ask me so THANK YOU for that! If anyone else would like to make a request I have one left in my inbox and am always happy to do more, especially for this list! Here is the post in question!

As a side note: welcome to the version of Caleb and Essek from my no rules no angst just right Carly Rae Jepsen song lyric inspired College!AU in a modern fantasy kinda setting. This just feels most to me like the version of Essek and Caleb that would do this and it gives you a bit of insight into the tone of my BIG work in progress right now! Enjoy!

30: doing beauty treatments, like facials or manicures, hair dying or face masks

Essek has long stopped knocking before entering Caleb, Beau and Jester’s apartment, but he still likes to call out his arrival though he knows Caleb is the only one home.

Jester and Beau have gone back home for a few days, visiting Jester’s mother in Nicodranas. Caleb elected to stay behind saying he had too much work to do, which is true. Essek finds him in his room, still as much a mess as it was the last time he was here. The small desk is completely covered in books all with several markers placed in their pages and the mess spills onto the bed. Caleb is ‘sitting’ on the chair containing most of his clothing and doesn’t appear to realize he’s come in.

He drops his levitation, trying to make noise so he doesn’t startle Caleb too badly as he approaches from behind and smooths his hands from his shoulders down to his hands. Caleb looks up as Essek’s chin presses into the top of his head, “Drogi, when is the last time you ate anything?”

Without hesitation, “Around elven, I’ll take a break soon I’m on the edge of something here.”

Essek sighs, “Darling it’s nearly six, I brought food, just take a break now with me?” He watches Caleb place a marker in the book to save his space and he finishes a few thoughts in the literature review before standing and smiling wearily at him.

“Ja, a break is probably a good idea. Thank you Schatz.” He stands and for a moment Essek lets Caleb distract him by wrapping strong arms around his waist and pulling him in for a kiss.

Essek has been looking forward to this particular date for a while and finally got the chance to suggest it, surprised when Caleb agreed with little hesitation.

It had started a few days ago when Caleb had slept over. He’d watched Essek’s skin care routine and had begun asking questions which led to the confirmation of Essek’s theory that Caleb has never so much as moisturized his face, much less done any of the other pampering that Essek considers central to his sense of well-being.

Tonight, Essek gets to show Caleb what it’s like. After they finish eating, they wind up in the bathroom. Essek pulls out a massive bag full of creams, ingredients, washes and all kinds of products. “Sit.”

“Essek, I need to see the mirror to shave.” He presses Caleb’s shoulders and sits him on the closed toilet lid shaking his head, “Caleb, you are taking a break. Let me.”

Drow are not immune to facial and body hair. Essek has never had much but Verin always has. One time when Verin was particularly injured in early adulthood Essek had to learn how to shave him during recovery. He has someone else for that now, so Essek transfers his knowledge to Caleb.

He gently spreads a soft cream across his partner’s face with the gentle touch of a brush and he pulls out a straight razor, the only possession he has from his father. Carefully and gently he shaves Caleb’s face, dragging the razor across tawny stubble while the man sits beneath him with closed eyes, completely trusting.

It doesn’t take as long as he’d thought it would and he’s able to begin gently washing his lover’s face, humming as he goes, occasionally singing in undercommon. Caleb looks more at rest than Essek has every seen him, sighing every so often as Essek exfoliates, washes and tones his skin. He steps back and instinctively Caleb goes to touch his face. Looking in the mirror the main difference is calm and peace. “Okay now this is the fun part.”

Essek mixes up two small cups of ingredients, one is his proprietary blend for his own skin, one that he thinks will suit Caleb more, “Ok now trust me. We’re going to leave these on for 15 minutes. I’ll do yours, you can do mine. As revenge.”

Caleb’s eyebrows quirk in confusion as Essek begins slathering the face mask onto his pale skin and then grimaces at the cold unfortunate texture of the mask. “Ah ja I see what you mean, this helps? In some way?”

Essek nods, “It will help tone out some of the redness and smooth out other things. I promise it will be worth it.”

“I trust you.” Essek smiles and puts a dollop on the tip of Caleb’s nose and the fake scowl that follows is delightful and adorable.

“You shouldn’t.” Essek winks and flashes fangs at the other and Caleb grabs the cup of Essek’s mask and boldly smears it over his forehead in protest. A shiver goes down his spine, he hates this part but it’s more fun with Caleb.

They go into the living room and put on one of the old movie musicals Caleb is so fond of and Essek starts on Caleb’s hands. “I won’t do anything extravagant I promise. You can just do a top coat if you’d like, but I did bring most of my collection if you’d like to look.”

Caleb opens the deceptively small case and shakes his head fondly upon the realization it’s enchanted to hold more than one would expect. “All this enchantment for nail lacquer?”

Essek scoffs, “Of course, you don’t want to know how much room this would take up if I had to lay it all out in the apartment.”

Caleb hums along to the music as Essek works, taming and shaping the nail beds that have been left to their own devices for decades and Essek finds himself distracted by romantic songs and well choreographed dance numbers occasionally. Far more distracting is the beauty of Caleb’s baritone singing along to a style of music Essek is unfamiliar with, warm and low and full of love as he looks down at Essek’s meticulous work.

He ends up with an iridescent top coat, just a little bit of flair but subtle enough most won’t notice. Midway through they pause to rid themselves of the face masks and Essek removes the mixture for Caleb and then for himself so as to not mess up his own work. He smooths on some moisturizer for Caleb, ever patiently sitting with his eyes closed. “How does that feel perełko?”

“Good, it’s very cool, my skin feels… fresh?”

“Take a look for yourself.” Essek smiles, it isn’t a miracle by any means but some of the redness of Caleb’s face is brought down just a bit, giving more prominence to the scattering of delicate freckles across the bridge of his nose and it’s smooth and fresh.

“I can see the merits of this.” he says, in slight awe, feeling this skin of his face.

“Now, let me finish your hands so I can do mine.”

He finishes Caleb’s hands with moisturizer and a good long massage, and starts to work on his own, removing the customary black polish he usually keeps there, Caleb’s arm around his shoulders, watching him work. “Is there anything I can help with?”

Essek considers, “Well I’ll shape on my own. Would you like to pick a colour for me? I’m tired of black. You can do the last step as well.” Caleb is back looking into the nail polish case and, rather quickly, presents him with a deep burgundy.

“How’s this? I just think it would look good.”

Essek presses a kiss into his forehead, “Perfect, thank you darling.” He goes back to shaping his nails to fine points and applying a base coat. As he begins to apply colour Caleb watches him intently, focus on the movie lost. “Would you like to help with his?”

He blushes a bit, “I do not think I would be very good at it and I don’t want to ruin your hard work.”

Essek laughs, “You won’t ruin anything. Here, watch me do my right hand and you can do my left. It’ll help me immensely. Any mistakes you make can be cleaned up with little effort I promise.”

Caleb is better at this than either of them expected. Only a little varnish makes its way to Essek’s skin and that’s easily enough removed, he even flips Essek’s hand as he’d done his own to apply the polish underneath. Then, when it’s dry, he rubs the stress away from Essek’s hands and they share many looks as a second musical begins playing. They pay little attention to it, instead giving in to the quiet comfort of the evening, of learning to care for another and yourself. Caleb has all but forgotten his previous state of anxiety for the evening and Essek hopes he’ll let him do this again. “Thank you for this liebling I needed this more than I could have guessed.”

Essek is pressed to his side now as they drink tea and finish up a horror movie, “I am glad my love. Thank you for letting me share this with you. If you ever want it again all you have to do is ask.” Caleb nods and over time they both fall asleep on the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms, waterlogged with the quiet, weighty bliss of love.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #the mighty nein #tm9 #cr fanfic #prompt meme #my writing #gay wizards #i still love them and i'll never stop writing them #omniwrites

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blitzturtles · 3 years

Text

Title: Childhood (Ao3)

Rating: Teen and Up (Probably General?)

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo

Pairing(s): BruAbba

Summary: “Is that--?”

“Yeah,” Bruno breathes, running his fingers over the worn leather. There’s a picture carefully taped to the center with his family name burned into the leather underneath.

Notes: Had to get in a prompt for Bruno Week, so I went with 'Childhood'.

Bruno sits on the floor, surrounded by boxes of various shapes and sizes. Ever since moving into the mansion, he’s been slowly picking through his old things, trying to decide what is or isn’t worth keeping. It’s taken him a lot longer than he expected, considering his tendency to just throw things in storage and forget about them.

“What’cha doing?” Abbacchio asks from the doorway.

Bruno glances up from the pile of miscellaneous junk dumped out from the most recent box. “Thought I should finally… consolidate, I guess.”

Abbacchio hums as he steps into the room. “Need some help?”

“Probably,” Bruno admits with a sigh. “I just keep looking at it all, and…”

“Want to pack it back up and stick it back in storage?”

“You got me,” Bruno says, sheepish.

“You’ve been doing the same thing for years. It was bound to catch up to you-- is this Fugo’s--”

Before Abbacchio can finish, Bruno’s already snatched the stuffed strawberry back. “Shh. If he finds out I have this, he’ll burn it.”

Abbacchio snorts, “You’re a sentimental bastard.”

Bruno shrugs, but he doesn’t outright deny the accusation. They both know it’s true.

“Most of this is going to end up back in storage, you know,” Abbacchio toes through the pile in front of Bruno with his boot until something catches his eye. “Hey, what’s that?”

“What?” Bruno’s expression shifts from a scowl aimed at Abbacchio to confusion faced toward the pile of what looks to be mostly old clothes. It takes him a moment to spot the bound leather book, and it isn’t until he picks it up that he realizes what it is. He hasn’t seen it in so long, that he’s long since thought it lost.

“Is that--?”

“Yeah,” Bruno breathes, running his fingers over the worn leather. There’s a picture carefully taped to the center with his family name burned into the leather underneath. He can’t help staring at the photograph. The quality leaves something to be desired, but the people in the image look happy. What, with the man and woman pressed together with a small toddler held between them. The kid has bright blue eyes and a toothy grin, and he’s utterly indifferent to the way his hair is whipping in the wind.

“I bet you were a menace,” Abbacchio says as he moves to sit beside Bruno. He leans against him, bumping his shoulder lightly.

“You have no idea,” Bruno answers with a hint of a smile. He flips the book open and pulls a face when the first image that greets him is far less photogenic. Abbacchio bursts into laughter beside him after getting a look at the newborn version of his partner.

“You look pissed.”

“Is anyone happy to be born?”

“Probably not,” Abbacchio admits, but he busts up into another round of laughter as he gets another look at the picture.

Bruno reaches over to playfully shove him. “See if I let you look at the rest.”

“Alright, alright,” Abbacchio holds up his hands in surrender, “I’ll be good.”

“Liar.”

“Guilty,” Abbacchio shrugs.

Bruno rolls his eyes and turns the page. The next photograph is of his mother, holding him on her hip. She’s laughing with an expression more open than he actually remembers seeing on her face. It’s not hard to see why, considering the smear of blue icing across baby Bruno’s face. It’s clearly an image from his first birthday party, where he had apparently been allowed to try the cake. Or, perhaps more accurately, face-planted into it.

He expects Abbacchio to start laughing again. Instead, he finds the man staring intently at the image with a look of awe.

“Leone?”

“Sorry,” Abbacchio answers after a moment, “It just occurred to me that I’ve never seen any of these before, and I didn’t think I would.”

“Oh,” Bruno breathes. He hadn’t thought about that. Hell, he’d thought the book permanently lost to time, never to be seen again. Apparently, he had just packed it tightly among old clothes. Probably the best cushioning he could think up at the time. He can barely remember the last time he held the album in his hands. It used to hurt to even look at it. To know that so much of it contained pictures of his mother, but it’s easier now that he’s older. Now that he isn’t so bitter and hurt. It helps to know that his papa made it for him.

Abbacchio reaches out to squeeze his knee gently. “C’mon, show me more of those big, blue eyes that have us all suckered.”

Bruno huffs a laugh, “It’s not my fault you all are so easily done in.”

“You really don’t have enough appreciation for what it’s like to be on the other side of you,” Abbacchio answers with a fondness in his voice. He nudges Bruno again and nods toward the album.

The next few pages are full of photographs from various parts of Bruno’s toddler years. They’re mostly mundane, everyday type of photos, including the dreaded bathtub picture that Bruno can only roll his eyes at, while Abbacchio is beyond delighted.

And then the bob appears for the first time. Bruno’s all of five years-old and already fascinated with zippers when he cuts his own bangs. It’s a complete mess, one that his mother has to fix for him. Ultimately, his bangs end up shorter than he wanted, but the look obviously stuck for the most part.

“I can’t believe you’ve had a bob this long,” Abbacchio marvels, turning the album this way and that, as if it might give him more insight into whatever had been going on in little Bruno’s head.

Bruno shrugs, “I think it looks nice.”

“Oh, I’m not arguing that. I can’t imagine you any other way, but most people don’t stick with the same haircut they had at-- what, six?”

“Five.”

“Ha, yeah. Exactly,” Abbacchio shakes his head, but there’s a fond smile on his face as he hands the book back to Bruno.

The next picture, mercifully, sees Bruno’s hair at a better length. Properly cut this time, but definitely still in a bob. His bangs are parted down the middle, a look his mother insisted on, and one Bruno didn’t have enough of an opinion on at the time to argue against. It fits, in a way. It matches his age better.

He turns the page again to see himself holding up a fairly small fish, but there’s a grin on the little version of him that could have split his cheeks in two. He huffs an amused breath and flips to the next page.

“Wait,” Abbacchio catches the corner of the page that Bruno’s on and turns it backward. “What the hell happened to your teeth?” He asks, going back and forth between the two photographs. In the one with the fish, Bruno has all of his front teeth, top and bottom. In the next, he’s missing three on the top row and two more on the bottom. There can’t be more than a few months between the two pictures, and yet.

“Oh,” Bruno laughs, “I uh… didn’t listen to my papa when he said not to run on the docks. I took a fall into the water, but not before I kissed the peer.”

Abbacchio winces in sympathy. “That sounds awful.”

“It would have been, but I had just caught my biggest fish to date,” Bruno pauses to indicate the fish in the first photograph, “Of course, it got away when I fell in the water, but I was too excited to care.”

Abbacchio huffs, “That’s too fucking cute.”

“It wasn’t at the time, I assure you. I was covered in blood, and papa panicked.”

“I can imagine,” seeing the aftermath is impressive enough.

Bruno laughs softly as he looks back at the image. He can only imagine what his papa must have felt at the time. With his child soaked in blood and saltwater. Bruno must have been a mess at the time, but he can remember how the grin never wavered from his face. Not while being cleaned up, and not while being scolded (either time, by either parent).

“Shit, Bruno, are you okay?” Abbacchio asks beside him, abruptly pulling him from his thoughts.

Bruno blinks in confusion, then again as he notices his vision has blurred. It takes a third time for him to realize that tears have built in his eyes, and he laughs again as he wipes them away. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? We can-- we don’t have to keep looking,” Abbacchio reaches out with his thumb to gently swipe under each of Bruno’s eyes.

“No, no, it’s fine. Really,” Bruno offers him a somewhat shaky smile. “They’re good memories. It’s just been awhile.”

“Yeah,” Abbacchio’s voice is quiet, a near whisper. “I’m sure they are.”

Despite his own protests, Bruno closes the album with a gentle snap as the pages come together. “Maybe I should make one of these,” he muses without looking down at the book in his hands.

“That would be a good idea,” Abbacchio pauses, “But leave me out of it.”

“Nonsense, you’ll be the star.”

“I hate you.”

“Do you?”

“If only,” Abbacchio says with a put-upon sigh that only gets another peel of laughter out of Bruno. Chuckles quickly turn into giggles as Bruno catches a glimpse of the exaggerated look on Abbacchio’s face, and he laughs until he’s crying for a whole different reason.

“Alright, alright,” Abbacchio interrupts, but he can’t fight his own smile. “Let’s clean this up and go take awful, humiliating pictures of your hoard of children.”

#bruabba #abbabru #bruno bucciarati #bruno buccellati #leone abbacchio #jjba #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba part 5 #part 5 #vento aureo #golden wind #look i never rate anything #below teen #so i'm hesitant to do so now #but the worst in here is some mild dental stuff #of the childhood variety #ie bruno busts a few teeth out on accident #blitzwrites #blitz

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literaila · 4 years

Text

i see red. i see nothing.

“the beginning”

spencer reid x reader.

request: this was requested... but if I tell you all of it it’ll be spoiled so. here's the summary.

summmary: a car accident. a head injury. lost memories. all of them. Spencer doesn't remember the reader. But remembers everything else.

the preface for this is here. you can read it if you’d like more insight into the story :)

warnings: blood. angst. car accident. hospital. needle mentions. amnesia. incorrect medical speak (probably) uhhhhh that's it?

It was just a moment.

There was just a moment of complete silence, a moment where they were just staring at each other. There was just a moment of them. They looked at each other, and the sun was shining on them, the sun was shining on just the two of them for a moment. And everything else felt like nothing. It felt like it was just them, for just a moment everything else ceased to exist, for just one tiny moment, there was nothing else.

It was a moment too long.

They stared at each other, and their smiles were outshining the sun, and their eyes were focused on one another, and there wasn't anything.

It was just a moment.

One moment.

And then it was gone.

The ground was being ripped from underneath them, the world was spinning on its axis and there was nothing else left. Everything was gone. Everything had disappeared.

They were flipped upside down, flipped completely around, their worlds destroyed in front of their eyes.

There was something that sounded like screaming.

And there was red all around them. Red in their eyes and in their mouths, and on their clothes, and in the air, and it was stuck on everything around them, red red red, there was so much red, there was nothing else but red.

Red. On her hands, in her eyes, dripping from the ceiling. Red.

She looked around, tried to see past the red, tried to look for him.

She looked, and she stayed awake.

There was still screaming.

It was cold. It was red.

She looked around, she saw him, her world, upside down. She saw everything the exact opposite of how it was supposed to look.

She watched her breath float in front of her.

Red.

She watched her breath disappear.

She closed her eyes.

***

Five years ago, a similar moment had happened.

Five years ago, a boy with long messy hair, and a girl who had no idea where she was going, they met eyes.

Five years ago, everything ceased to exist.

Five years ago, a moment had happened. A moment neither of them would forget.

Five years ago, a boy with messy hair saw her eyes, saw her, and she looked back at him.

Five years ago, they didn't know each other.

A moment was shared, one that was only theirs.

Now, the moment had disappeared.

***

What did it feel like to have your mind ripped from your body?

What did it feel like to lose everything that mattered to you?

What did it feel like to have everything just simply disappear?

How could everything just be gone?

Why was it gone?

What did it feel like when you were ripped from the person you had become, from the people that had shaped you, from the very mind that you thought was yours to keep forever?

How did that feel?

***

Spencer woke up surprised.

His body was paralyzed beneath him, and he wasn't at home. There was no one else in the room with him.

He looked around the white walls, looked at the ceiling, looked at his body, listened to the beeping of machines all around him, he noticed the IV in his arm, the strap around his arm, the cast on his leg.

He was smart enough to know that he was in the hospital.

He wondered why he couldn't move, why his body felt like it weighed a million tons under him, why there wasn't any pain.

He could feel a bandage wrapped around his head. He wondered why.

He closed his eyes, focused on the feeling of air filling his lungs instead of the questions flooding his head. He was sure he would know soon enough, he just had to be patient. There wasn't anything he could do while his body was paralyzed.

He breathed in and out, counted in his head, and when counting got to be too much, he switched to the alphabet, going forwards and backward in multiple languages. And then when he couldn't remember anything else, he focused on his breath again.

He just had to be patient.

It took another half an hour, another half an hour of Spencer trying to distract himself from the agony of not being able to move, trying to distract himself from the fact that there was no one else in this hospital room but him, it was another half an hour he was alone.

And then two people walked in, talking insistently to each other.

“No, the doctor said that he would-”

“Penelope you know there's always a chance-”

“No Derek, he's fine. The doctor said he would be fine.”

“Penelope…”

“What would she do without him, Derek?”

Both of the people sighed.

Spencer was quick to follow, sighing out in relief. These were his friends. He wasn't completely alone.

And then Garcia gasped, dropping the cup of coffee she had been holding. She was frozen there in place, shocked at the look of Spencer's eyes, shocked that he was awake. Derek was quick to take action though, he walked over to Spencer and started asking questions incessantly.

All of his questions involved different variations of “does this hurt?” and Spencer felt overwhelmed by every new question that Derek said, he still had no idea why he was in the hospital, what had happened, why both of them looked so shocked to see him. He had no idea what was going on.

Shakily, he coughed out a “What happened?”. His voice was different, didn't feel right, he hadn't talked in so long.

Derek looked back at Penelope, she took the hint and left the room to go find the doctor. Derek looked back to Spencer and sighed. “We’ve all been worried sick about you kid.”

Spencer just frowned at him “I’m sorry?”

Derek chuckled at him, happy to see that Spencer was functioning fine. Although the doctor had told him there might be lifelong effects on his brain that were irreversible, Spencer seemed fine.

“Y/N’s been worried sick about you,” Derek said next, thinking about the girl who had refused to leave the hospital as long as Spencer was still there.

“Y/N?” Spencer asked, his eyes innocent and confused.

“Yeah Y/N, your girlfri-” Derek’s eyes widened. Spencer looked completely and utterly confused, there was no hint of joking in his face, nothing that showed that Spencer was just messing with Derek. No, Spencer had no idea what he was talking about, Spencer was actually confused.

Derek's eyes flashed around the room, he thought of what the doctor had said about permanent effects. And he stalked out of the room, going to get some answers.

“Derek?” Spencer called after him.

What was going on?

***

Four weeks ago she’d opened her eyes.

A million different thoughts appeared in her brain at once.

One: She didn’t know where she was.

Two: There wasn’t anyone in the room with her.

Three: There was a light that was blinding her.

Four: There were needles, pricking every nerve in her body.

Five: Her head was buzzing. Pounding like a heartbeat, intense in her skull.

Six: Spencer wasn’t there.

Red.

She could remember red. Blazing, hot, boiling, shaking her. She could remember how bright it had been, how blinding it felt, she remembered red.

She remembered her world turning upside down, changing positions before her eyes.

She couldn’t remember ever leaving the car. She couldn’t remember this room.

She looked around, her eyes were burning, dry, and hot. She saw a bright light on the ceiling, she saw white all around her. When she turned her head, the slight movement sending a piercing pain down her entire body, she didn’t see anything but white and gray.

There were cabinets on the opposite side of the room, chairs next to the bed she was laying on, and cords coming from everywhere.

She tried flexing her fingers, making sure she could still feel her body. Nothing felt like it was gone, she could feel her fingertips against a rough sheet.

She wasn’t paralyzed.

She tried her toes next, bent them up and down, feeling the muscles in her foot tense and un-tense.

She definitely wasn’t paralyzed.

She was focused on listening to her heart, focusing on the consistent beat, the blood rushing through her veins.

And she was still focusing when someone walked in.

Her doctor explained the accident. He explained that when she felt like her world was turning upside down, shifting the wrong way, her car had rolled down a hill. He explained how long it took for anyone to come to get her and Spencer, explained how someone driving on the road heard screaming. He told her about the amount of blood she had lost, the pints that had drained out of her while she was flipped upside down.

That explained the red.

He told her about her broken ribs, the abdominal bleeding, the concussion she had managed to get in her car. He explained that she was healing fine, but that she hadn’t woken up for three days. He explained that she would’ve died if they had been ten minutes later, that she had lost much to blood to function any longer.

She focused on her breathing.

And when he was done, when he finally had explained everything, she only had one question to ask.

“Where is Spencer?”

The doctor hesitated. She could see that much, saw him lean back only slightly, saw his proud smile fade.

That wasn’t good.

Both of them heard the heart monitor speed up, listened to the beeping get faster. She looked over to the machine and then back to the doctor with panicked eyes.

Where was Spencer?

“No, no, no.” the doctor said, raising his hands as if to calm her down. “Spencer is alive.”

And while this was good news to her, made her feel much stronger than she felt a second ago, she wasn’t happy. She had seen the hesitation, saw the doctor pull back. There was still something wrong.

“Where is he?” she asked again, this time making her statement more clear.

“He’s... he’s in the hospital.” the doctor winced, looking away from her. “he’s in the ICU.”

The ICU. Intensive Care Unit. Spencer was in the ICU, the ICU meant danger. Oh god, oh god. He was going to die, he was going to die. ICU ICU.

The beeping sped up again, and her eyes flew around the room. She started to move, started to get up to get out of there so she could see him herself. She needed to see him. He was going to die he was going to die.

Pain blinded her as soon as she tried to sit up. It was freezing her, stopping her heart. She couldn’t breathe. How could a person be in so much pain?

“Woah, come on, lay back down.” the doctor said, moving her back to the bed. “I’m going to go get someone. I’ll be right back.”

And she couldn’t protest. She could barely even move.

The pain was circling her body, keeping her locked down to the bed.

It was several minutes before the doctor came back.

By then, the pain had started to fade out of her fingers, she was no longer blinded, but she still felt locked down. She looked over at him, trying to ignore the piercing that came with moving her eyes.

She needed to get herself under control. She needed to see Spencer.

At first, she didn't notice that there was someone following the Doctor. A woman who was much shorter than the doctor followed him into the room, stepping out from behind him.

Penelope.

Y/N had met her 2 years after she’d met Spencer, the two of them had become close friends and had become a pair from the first conversation.

Penelope.

She would know what was going on with Spencer, she would make everything okay, she would tell Y/N exactly what was going on, she would explain everything, it would all be okay. It would be fine. Penelope was here.

“Penelope.” she gasped out, her voice connecting with her thoughts. She watched her friend walk over to her, watched as her friend took her hand, watched as her friend smiled a hesitant smile at her.

She ignored the buzzing that came with Penelope touching her hand.

The doctor who stood by the doorway cleared his throat, and the two women looked over to him, he gave another half-smile. “I’m going to let her talk to you. I’ll be back in a little while to do an examination.” and with that, he walked out the door.

Y/N could care less.

She immediately looked over to Penelope, her eyes wide, her hands squeezing Penelope as a way to beg her to tell Y/N what was going on.

“It's nice to see you awake,” Penelope said, giving her the same hesitant smile, the one that she had worn when she walked in the room.

“Where's Spencer?” Y/N said, ignoring what her friend had said.

Penelope looked away from Y/N, careful not to say anything yet. Y/N’s question floated in the air, flying above their heads, begging to be answered.

“Pen. Where is he?” When Penelope still didn't answer, Y/N removed her hand from Penelopes, her eyes angry now. “What is going on?”

“The doctors said you would've died if they had waited any longer.” Was all Penelope replied, looking behind herself for a chair. Ignoring the fury in Y/N’s eyes, ignoring the questions that were floating above their heads.

“Penelope,” Y/N begged, trying to get her friend to just answer her.

“I was really worried about you.” she paused, finally looking back to Y/N. “Even after the doctors said you would be fine, I was really worried. We were not sure when you would wake up, how much pain you would be in…”

The reminder of the flame setting her body on fire did not help Y/N’s worry. She shifted uncomfortably in her bed.

“How do you feel Sugar?” Penelope asked, her face tense. Y/N had never seen her friend so serious, it seemed impossible for Penelope to go a minute without smiling, without making a joke that would brighten everyone’s mood. But now, she wasn't smiling, she wasn't laughing, and she was only making Y/N’s mood darker.

“I’m fine.”

Penelope gave her a look.

“I’m fine. I want to know what's going on? What aren't you telling me?” Y/N was feeling like she wanted to scream. She didn't like secrets. And she especially didn't like them when they were about Spencer.

Penelope sighed and looked down. She picked at one of her nails for a moment then looked back up. “Spencers in the ICU.”

“I know. The doctor told me that. But what's wrong with him? Can I see him? Is he going to die?” Just as the words left her mouth she could feel the pain intensify. He couldn't die. He wouldn't.

Penelope shook her head, looking back down at the floor.

“He got hurt in the accident,” she said, then paused and looked back up at Y/N. “He took most of the damage. He was crushed under the car, and they got you out first.” Penelope blinked rapidly as if she was trying not to cry. Everything she was saying was making Y/N more and more anxious. “He had to have brain surgery.”

Y/N took a shaky breath in. Her lungs burned in the air.

“W-why? What- Penelope what happened?”

“His brain was swelling, and” she laughed ironically “Spencer would be able to explain it better than I can. I honestly don't know.”

“Well is he okay?” Y/N asked, looking at Penelope with anxious eyes.

“He's alive.” Penelope shrugged. “The doctors say he could suffer extensive brain damage. They don't know yet.”

Y/N took a minute to think it over. It was a car accident. She’d gotten hurt. Spencer had gotten more hurt. He was alive though. He was alive. And he was in the hospital.

In the hospital.

“Can I go see him? I need to see him.” Y/N rattled out desperately, she started getting out of bed once again, moaning out at the pain, but refusing to lay back down. She had to see him.

“Hey, hey sweetheart. Come on, you can't go anywhere right now.” Penelope said, jumping out of her seat to help her friend, carefully pushing her back down on the bed. “You need to let your body heal Y/N.”

But Y/N looked at her angrily. “I need to see him! It's just a little pain, I need- I need to see him!” She pushed Penelope's hands away, forcing herself to keep moving, to get off the bed. She needed to go see him, she needed to be strong for Spencer, she needed to get out of bed. It was just a little pain, it was just a little bit of pain.

It was just a little-

She screamed out, her body shaking, every one of her nerves was being pinched, pulled, pricked at. She gasped out and tried not to let her body move anymore.

“Y/N?! Come on, lay down.”

But she was already flat against the bed. She was already frozen, stuck in the prison that was her pain. She couldn't move.

God, why couldn't she move?

She gasped. “Spencer,”

She didn't notice the doctor rushing back into the room, she didn't notice Penelope and him talking very loudly. She didn't notice how hard her heart was beating, the beeping that came with it. She didn't notice Penelope looking at her worried, she didn't notice the hand holding hers, she didn't notice anything.

But there was pain. There was so much pain.

She didn't notice the drugs filling her body, the pain medication shutting down her nerves, she didn't notice the doctor leaving the room.

She only started to wake up from her daze when the pain started to fade from her chest, the feeling going down second by second.

“Spencer,” she said when she thought she could breathe again.

“Y/N..” Penelope said, leaving over her bed, still holding her hand, her eyes still immensely worried.

“See... Him.” Y/N said, her breath going out at the words. Her throat was extremely dry now.

“Y/N,” Penelope said again, sighing and shaking her head. She waited a moment, then sighed again. “Spencers in a coma Y/N.”

Suddenly air didn't exist.

Suddenly pain wasn't enough to distract her.

Suddenly she couldn't breathe.

“The doctors don't know when he’ll wake up.” Penelope continued.

And suddenly Y/N understood why her doctor, why Penelope was hesitant to tell her the truth. They knew she wouldn't take well to the thought of her boyfriend never waking up.

Extensive brain damage.

Maybe she did need to rest.

***

Two weeks later, when Y/N was healed enough to go home, she screamed again.

It was time for her to go home.

Spencer hadn't woken up.

It was time for her to go home.

She still felt pain every time she tried to move, still felt her lungs, her ribs, her chest, burn out smoke whenever she tried to breathe, but she was walking. She could function almost completely normally. That was the deciding factor in her release from the hospital.

It was time for her to go home.

Spencer was still sleeping.

She had to leave. She had to leave him.

When the doctor came in the room, ready to hand her the paperwork, to kick her out, to leave her boyfriend in the hospital still in a coma while she was at home, to release her.

She screamed.

She fought everyone that came into the room. Every person that even tried to touch her.

She wasn't leaving. She wouldn't leave without him. She wouldn't.

She wouldn't stop screaming at them.

She wouldn't stop screaming, wouldn't stop kicking and hitting, she wouldn't stop, just wouldn't stop.

She was too focused on pushing a nurse away to notice the doctor next to her.

She was too late to stop him from sedating her.

She spent a week in the psych ward.

***

After that week no one tried to make her leave.

She spent a week sitting next to Spencer's bed until the nurses forced her out. She spent several hours of the day watching him breathe, watching to make sure he was still alive. As long as he was still alive she would be fine.

She tried not to cry in his room.

No one ever seemed to bother her in there.

When she wasn't in his room, she was sitting in her hospital bed, eating all the pudding she could find, watching bad TV. She tried not to think about anything when she wasn't with Spencer, she tried to get away from it all.

She didn't want to be sent back to the psych floor.

It only took a week.

168 hours.

She was told three hours after he woke up.

She’d been coloring on her bed, listening to the TV as background noise, shutting out the world, when her doctor came in with a seldom look on his face.

“What?” she asked quietly, not liking the look in his eyes, not liking the way her chest got tighter, the way her breathing got even slower.

She stared at him for a moment. Waited for him to say something.

And he did. “Mr. Reid is awake.”

That was all it took.

She was flying out of her bed, ignoring the doctors panicked look, she was ignoring everything, Spencer was awake. He was awake.

It had been four weeks.

He was awake.

She was slipping on her slippers, moving past her doctor, trying to get to the ICU as quickly as possible. She cursed herself for leaving so early, for not being there when he woke up. She should’ve been there.

She was walking out the door when her doctor gently grabbed one of her shoulders, stopping her from leaving the room.

She looked back at him irritated, he knew how much she’d been wanting to see Spencer, he was the only thing she ever talked about, why was he stopping her now?

“What?” she asked harshly, regretting the tone in her voice as soon as it came out. But she ignored her guilt, more focused on the sad look in the doctor's eyes.

She waited for him to speak. She knew it was serious, and she wasn't going to leave without an answer.

“There's unfortunate news.” He said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

“What?” she asked, immediately panicked. “What's wrong?”

“Spencer seems to be fully aware, he’s speaking fine, he seems to be fine.” Her doctor continued, and she looked at him confused. Spencer was fine?

“Then what's wrong?”

“Well... It seems that Mr. Reid has a completely different problem.” Her doctor paused, thinking of how he could explain this, how he could put it likely.

She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. Why was she still here if Spencer was fine?

“You see, Spencer, has suffered from retrograde amnesia.”

And no. Spencer definitely wasn't fine.

***

“So he just doesn't remember me?”

Her voice was all wrong. It was small and broken.

Spencer didn't remember her.

“Well,” her doctor said. They had moved to his office, as he had insisted she needed to listen and be away from everything else.

She didn't have the best track record in the hospital.

“There's always a chance he can gain memories back… but at the moment, yes he just doesn't remember you.”

She knew he was trying to be reassuring, knew that he was trying to tell her that it would just take time, that everything would be alright. She knew he knew how fragile she was.

The problem was, it just wasn't working. Reassurance couldn't help her.

Spencer didn't remember her. He didn't remember meeting her, or texting her for the first time, he didn't remember the way they looked at each other, he didn't remember the time he tried to make her breakfast and ended up waking her up in the process.

He didn't remember how nervous he was the day he asked her to move in with him, the smile on his face, the smile on her face when she said yes without any hesitation. He didn't remember their first kiss or first date.

He didn't remember falling in love with her.

How could she move on without him? How could she ever heal properly when he didn't know how in love they had been? How could she live without him?

“He has asked to see you though.”

She looked up from the floor. Shock filled her face. He wanted to see her? He knew about her?

The doctor must have read all the questions in her eyes because he then continued, “Your friends mentioned you... That's how we found out he had lost his memory. Now he wants to meet you. He doesn't really understand yet.”

She didn't understand. Why would he want to meet her?

“I can take you to see him now…”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I can- I can go. I- I should go.”

She left the doctor's office, ignoring the calls that followed her.

She wasn't thinking. She couldn't think anymore. Spencer didn't know who she was. He probably didn't even know her name.

But still.

She had to see him. She hadn't seen his eyes in weeks, hadn't heard him speak, she could barely remember the sound of his voice now. After weeks of just watching him breathe, just breathe, she had to see him awake. She needed to confirm that he was alive, that he was still awake.

That was all she needed.

She didn't think about how he would react to her, about how he didn't know anything about her, she wasn't thinking about any of it. She just needed to see him.

She walked down the hall, pressing on the elevator button incessantly.

She remembered the time Spencer had told her that she would actually cancel it out.

“The motor is just going to restart the process Y/N… slow down.”

She remembered laughing at him, and pressing the button again, just to tease him. She remembered him glaring at her, and taking her hand. She remembered him smiling at her when she pouted, then kissing her hand softly and walking into the elevator.

God, she needed to see him.

She walked into the elevator, avoiding eye contact with everyone else in the elevator. She was irritated. She wished she could just be there already. She sighed and leaned her head against the wall.

She’d been dreaming about his eyes for weeks. Thinking about him, what she would do if she couldn't have him anymore.

She rushed out of the elevator, running down the hall to the room she’d spent hours in, she got there, her lungs burning, her heart racing, the pain ringing up and down her body. She thought it was worth it.

And she was just about to open the door when Derek walked out.

And then she remembered.

Retrograde Amnesia.

He didn't remember her.

“Derek,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath.

“Y/N.. do you... Did the-”

“Yes I know,” she whispered quieter this time. She knew all about it.

Derek sighed out in relief, glad he wouldn't have to be the one to tell her. “I’ve told him about you. Not a lot. But enough for him to understand… do you want to go in?” He asked, looking down to meet her eyes.

And she thought about it. Felt the nerves crawling up her throat. She cleared her throat, hoping she could push them down, force them away. She didn't need them right now. “Um..” she breathed out, “I think- I think I’ll wait a minute.” she swallowed, her stomach bubbling. “If that's okay,” she said looking down.

“Of course Pretty Girl, take all the time you need.” Derek gave her a side hug, frowned at the anxious look in her eyes, and quickly sent out a wish that Spencer would remember this girl that they all loved so much soon. And then he went back to the room.

And she was alone again.

She was alone again, and she was going to stay alone. Spencer had been her person, had been her best friend for so long. She didn't know how to not feel lonely without him, didn't know how to get rid of the sinking feeling in her chest when he didn't know who she was.

She felt like crying at the hopeless thoughts that entered her brain. She didn't want to do this, she didn't want to be there.

She blinked back the stinging in her eyes.

She needed to see him.

She took a deep breath. A couple of days ago she’d still been worried he was going to die. Anything was better than him dying. This was better. This was fine.

She knocked on the door, not wanting to scare any of the people in the room, not wanting to let herself turn around.

Derek was the one who opened it. He gave her a sad smile, still noticing the anxiety that laid on her face, covering her entire body.

She looked past him.

Oh, god.

She saw him. She saw his eyes-

His eyes were wide, looking right into hers, they were the color she had missed, longed for, they were so familiar, so so familiar. They were her home. God, she hadn't seen his eyes, she hadn't seen him in weeks. It felt like a screen was being moved away from Spencer, that now he was awake she could finally see him.

She gasped, unexplainable tears rolling down her cheeks.

She wanted to run over to him, wanted to feel his warmth, to live in his scent, she wanted to be with him, she wanted the pain to go away, she just wanted to hold him.

He was looking at her worriedly. His eyes were darting back and forth from her and Derek, he looked panicked like he wasn't quite sure what to do.

Derek moved past her, resting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it comfortingly. She’d forgotten he was there, too focused on the man in front of her.

Derek cleared his throat, looking between the pair. “So Reid, this is Y/N.”

She wiped her cheeks off, embarrassed that she had started crying, and gave him a wave.

“Hello,” Spencer said, his voice raw from weeks of not talking, his tone worried still.

She tried not to freak out at the sound of his voice.

It still sounded the same.

She laughed emotionlessly. She looked down at the floor.

“Hey Spence-” she paused. Reminding herself. “-Spencer.”

It was a minute of silence. When Y/N finally looked up, she saw how worried his eyes still looked, how concerned he seemed even though they had technically just met.

She hated it.

“Well..” Derek said, drawing out the word. “I’m going to let you guys introduce yourself’s. I need some coffee.”

With that, he left the room.

Leaving the two of them, together, alone, and uncomfortable.

Eventually, Spencer spoke up. “It's um-” he cleared his throat. “It's nice to meet you.”

Y/N laughed again. Surprising herself with the sound. She looked past him, out the window, wishing that she could disappear.

She hated this. She hated that he didn't know her. She wanted to hug him.

When she stayed silent, Spencer tried again. “I’m sorry I can't remember,” he whispered quietly. Almost ashamed of himself, almost like it was his fault that all of this was happening.

She looked back at him. She knew that expression well. She felt like she could feel exactly what he was thinking. She was quick to stop it.

“No. It's not your fault Spencer,” she reassured, stepping closer to him. “It's unfortunate. But it's not your fault. Please don't feel bad. It’ll only make me feel worse.” she whispered the last part quietly.

Spencer looked back at her, searching her eyes, looking for answers. He’d been hoping that he would remember her as soon as he saw her. He was hoping her appearance, her eyes would set something off in his brain, hoping he would know the girl his friends had been telling him about.

He didn't see anything except a colorless girl. Nothing except the tears she’d spilled for him.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

She looked back at him. A frown on her face, one that felt like it would never go away, her eyes almost angry. “Why?” she asked.

Spencer shook his head. She didn't need to know. She just needed to know he was sorry.

He quickly asked her if she wanted to sit down. Looking for anything to fill the silence between them. She agreed, just so he would stop looking so guilty.

They both sat there in the hospital room, silent. There was nothing either of them could say, nothing that would make the situation any better.

And then they both spoke at the same time.

“So how are you feeling-”

“I want to remember you-”

And then both of them looked shocked. Surprised that the other had something to say.

Y/N was the first to speak up.

“You want to remember me?” she asked, her mouth dropped down in disbelief.

“I mean-” Spencer stuttered, her expression making him nervous. He had never been good with girls. “I want you to help me… remember you.”

Y/N just stared at him. She hadn't been expecting anything from him. In fact, she’d been expecting a goodbye. She thought that after not knowing who she was, after not remembering why he fell in love with her, he wouldn't want to bother trying. Why try to bring back something that was gone?

She shouldn't have been surprised. Spencer always did the thing she least expected.

Even this new version of him, the one that had no idea who she was.

“You want to remember me?” She asked, in a whisper, her voice barely there.

Spencer was quick to speak up this time. “Derek and Garica, they told me about you. They explained all the important details of our relationship…. In fact,” he laughed a little bit, remembering only a couple of hours ago. “It seemed like they were the ones in love with you.”

Y/N gave another humorless chuckle, still shocked.

“They made you seem amazing. I think you seem worth remembering,” he said, trying to get her to meet his eyes. Still looking for the spark, for the memory in his brain.

When she looked up, her eyes meeting his, he still found nothing.

“You want to remember?” she asked again, just for clarification, just to be sure this was what he wanted.

“If you are up to helping me?” he asked hopefully.

And she thought of his expression earlier, thought of how worried, how concerned he had looked. She thought about all the years she had spent with him, the years she had never needed anything but him. She thought about the person she knew Spencer to be, and the person he had no idea she was.

She nodded. Trying to find her voice.

“Okay,” she said, her voice shaking as she tried to numb down the pain, the thought of having to remind Spencer who she was.

Spencer smiled though, looking finally content since the moment she had walked in the room. “Okay,” he repeated after her.

And looking into his eyes, she decided.

At that moment she decided that Spencer was the most important thing. She didn't want to see him upset, she didn't want to see him uncomfortable, didn't want to see him worried, didn't want him to feel guilty for something he couldn't control.

At that moment she decided she would be numb for him. She would not feel the pain, not feel anything. She would just help him. She would do it for him.

She smiled then.

An emotionless void.

hehe see “the beginning” meaning this isn't the end. don't worry.

my masterlist here.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid smut #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds rp #criminal minds headcanons #mgg #mgg x reader #mgg blurb #mgg fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction

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woulddieforperrytheplatypus · 3 years

Note

What're some of your favorite moments between Doof and Perry during Phineas and Ferb?

youtube

You have absolutely no idea how fucking long I spent making this video fhdsjahkjaf I’m gonna gush under the cut about why I liked each one so y’all don’t have to deal with me if you don’t want to lol

These are in no particular order. They’re just numbered to line up with the reasoning. I added lil descriptions to each of them but you’ll probably have to either watch the video first or have a pretty good memory of the show to understand them lol

1. “Dr. Wexler, you’re a platypus?” (A Hard Day’s Knight)

Literally just the way he says, “Dr. Wexler, you’re a platypus?”

2. “Is every platypus named Perry?” and then Perry bites him (AT2D)

M O N C H (also Heinz calls him cute) (also also “We do not bite the elderly!”)

3. Perry tries to fly him and Heinz home from the desert but Heinz flips the turbo switch and they lose the jetpack (Road to Danville)

“Like you didn’t know about my switch-flipping compulsion!” They’re literally an old married couple omfg I can’t even (also moment of appreciation for the fact that they’re close enough that Heinz just assumes Perry knows about his switch-flipping compulsion) (another moment of appreciation because Perry probably does)

4. The end of the Perry/Doof subplot of Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror

First of all, the way Perry decides to run under his giant floating head when going around would take two extra seconds? Beautiful. And, of course, Perry’s fucking smirk because that’s just not his problem lmaooo

5. The pause in the FIGHT FIGHT IT’S A PLATYPUS FIGHT (Doofapus)

I love that they literally just stop mid-fight to have tea. I firmly believe there is no other pair of nemeses that would do that and this is just how Heinz and Perry work. Also, Perry’s smile? He feels so understood? It’s so pure?

6. Vanessa lets Perry in before he can break down the door with his rocket launcher and then Perry accidentally shoots it through the wall (My Sweet Ride)

“This is why I can never have anything nice -_-”

7. Heinz doesn’t trap Perry (Road to Danville)

He’s so confused fjdahfksdhfak he literally goes out of his way to get trapped at that point (even if he pretends he doesn’t) and Heinz flipped the script on him without telling him and his lil shrug is so cute and I just jsfhkjadhsk

8. There’s a Platypus Controlling Me (Brain Drain)

You had to know this one was gonna be there

9. “In your letters, you said your nemesis was a suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury” (Oil on Candace)

The fact that Heinz sent his ex-professor a letter gushing about his nemesis is just *chef’s kiss*

10. Perry and Dennis are fighting in giant puppets in the street and Heinz recognizes Perry piloting the puppet because of his fighting style (The Return of the Rogue Rabbit)

I’m pretty sure this is the only time Heinz ever recognizes Perry without his hat on (correct me if I’m wrong tho) and the fact that it’s literally just because Perry punched the fuckin camera kills me every time

11. Heinz is worried they won’t make his play in time so Perry tells him to flip the turbo switch (Road to Danville)

Perry just trusts him so much??? Flipping the switch was what got them into that mess in the first place??? But Perry cares so much about Heinz making his LOVEMUFFIN play that he’s willing to give it another go??? I love it???

12. DANCE BABY DANCE BABY HANDS IN THE AIR (Candace Disconnected)

I feel like we don’t get to see Perry just kinda hanging out like that a lot. He’s always doing that steely glare, even when they’re having fun. I don’t think Perry really realizes how emotionless he can look sometimes (the beginning and end of Sidetracked are from Perry’s POV especially at the end, the way he acts with the boys shows too much character for a secret agent, so even though he seems to think it’s obvious that he’s all lovey dovey with them, he does much too good a job at hiding his emotions) but it’s nice to see him drop the facade every now and then

13. Heinz calls Monogram because Perry hasn’t shown up (Perry the Actorpus)

I know Perry’s not technically in this one but I love that Heinz a) calls OWCA when Perry doesn’t show up and b) looks so nervous as he calls OWCA because Perry hasn’t shown up

14. Perry brings Heinz a glass of water (Road to Danville)

Half this episode is just them being mad at each other because they blame the other one for sticking them in the desert with way home, and I love that even though Perry’s been fuming pretty much the entire time, the second Heinz actually starts yelling at him, he’s immediately hit with a wave of guilt (also I love that he somehow found a glass of water in the middle of the desert?)

15. “YOU PEED ON MY COUCH!” (AT2D)

Not gonna lie, I mostly picked this one for shits and giggles BUT that doesn’t mean I can’t overanalyze it because that’s what I do best. Perry’s whole role in the show is to tie together the two completely unrelated plots, and that’s only so entertaining because not only does neither side know the other, but neither side knows what version of Perry the other side knows. This is the first time Heinz has really connected mindless pet Perry with Agent P Perry, and I feel like that was the most interesting part of the movie was that Phineas, Ferb, Candace, and Heinz all saw a side of Perry they didn’t know.

16. Heinz invites Perry out for lunch (The Quietest Day Ever)

Heinz doesn’t even know he got hit with the de-handsome-inator. He literally just thinks he lost, and his immediate reaction is to ask if Perry wants to hang out. I just love those lil insights into their relationship when they’re not fighting. Also, perry.exe has stopped working.

17. Honestly just all of Father’s Day

I hate knowing that chronologically, Father’s Day had to happen probably less than halfway through the summer and not towards the end like it does in the episode order. It’s such a sweet turning point in their relationship. Perry’s head all these horrible backstories about Mr. Doofenshmirtz and I can only assume he hates the guy, but he’s still so supportive of Heinz trying to win his approval -- and he’s supportive when that fails and Heinz needs someone to lean on.

18. Perry Lays An Egg

T H W A R T M E P E R R Y T H E P L A T Y P U S

19. Heinz proving he knows how to shut the fuck up by refusing to shut the fuck up (Road to Danville)

Perry’s literally about to fight a bitch and I can’t blame him. I also like the lil look into Heinz’s thoughts with the “it’s not like I have to fill the space” line because it really explains a lot about him.

20. Perry waiting for the New Year’s ball to drop and for Heinz to finish his scheme (Happy New Year!)

Once again, a beautiful look at how their entire relationship is based on their routine and knowing what to expect. It wouldn’t be Heinz and Perry if there was not punching and kicking involved. (Also, Perry’s smug face while he waits) (Also also, Perry’s lil shrug)

21. Heinz invites Perry to hang out in his house in the suburbs (Put That Putter Away)

GIVE PERRY A DAY OFF (but for real I love that Heinz literally just asked if he wanted to hang out, AND that he assured Perry that he’d make sure he didn’t get in trouble with Monogram for it)

22. The end of Sidetracked

THEY? HOLD? HAND???

23. “The thing that’s kept me from succeeding all these years is YOU!” *turns finger around* (Road to Danville)

PERRY IS SO DONE WITH HIS SHlT I CAN’T FDJAFHDJLSFHDSAKJ

24. Roger tries to say hi to sleeping Perry (Just Our Luck)

How often does Perry have to fall asleep around Heinz for the guy to know he gets testy when someone wakes him up?

25. The brief New Year’s dance break (Happy New Year!)

THEIR DANCING IS SO FAST AND SO IN SYNC EITHER THEY REHEARSED THIS OR THEY JUST KNOW EACH OTHER SO WELL THAT IT JUST HAPPENS NATURALLY AND I WOULD DIE FOR THEM OKAY

26. Perry accidentally became famous for advertising tools and then shows up at DEI (Perry the Actorpus)

He’s so happy to see his nemesis again :,)

27. “You think I’m evil, right?” *finger guns* (Oil on Candace)

Perry is at least partially responsible for how horribly that day went, but that’s his job is to make sure evil scientists don’t impress other evil scientists. You don’t want, like, an evil scientist team up or whatever. But I’m decently sure there’s nothing in the job description that says Perry has to stick around and assure his nemesis that he’s good at being evil, so that’s all Perry’s doing.

28. Perry pulled an all nighter and shows up at DEI asleep and Heinz has to try not to wake him up (Just Our Luck)

The amount of respect it takes for Heinz to see his nemesis sleeping on the job and go out of his way not to wake him up (but to make sure he’s still included, of course; he’s not a disrespectful guy, even if he is evil) warms my heart

29. Perry shows Heinz a bunch of their pictures together (This Is Your Backstory)

a) I love that Perry carries those pictures in his wallet

b) I love that those pictures exist at all

c) I love that Heinz has enjoyed his nemesisship with Perry so much that it basically negates every tragic backstory

#phineas and ferb #pnf #perry the platypus #heinz doofenshmirtz #look i have an ask #i have to save these as drafts to add tags on pc #and it's trying to tell me that this post was made in the app so I can't edit the ''post body content'' so let's hope this still works lol #(also no this post was not made in the app wtf?)

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