#it wasnt just another autism symptom

[blxck-parade]

everyone hating on furries and therians and otherkin as if we didnt all pretend to be some animal or mystical creature growing up

#other people did this too right #it wasnt just me #it wasnt just another autism symptom #fin speaks #txt.me #furry #therian #otherkin #furry ally #therian ally #otherkin ally

[caffeinatedopossum]

That sad realization that not only did the undiagnosed autism lead to me not realizing my "friends" were actually bullying me the whole time I knew them but I was also unintentionally doing something similar to neurotypical friends because I didn't understand how we thought differently

#i just want yall to know that when i first wrote undiagnosed my phone autocortected that to undigested so. yeah #you heard it hear folks. autism is undigestable. thats why we all got tummy problems #anyway this is why is struggling with communication and maintaining relationships is a symptom #although my relationships always seem fine to *me* because im oblivious as fuck #and this is why autism questionnaires need to be phrased differently #alsp yeah. thinking about that one time i went to a summer camp and i joked about a girl in mine and my friends dorm #who was sleep talking that night. and one of the counselors immediately shamed me for bullying #like we were all there and awake. everyone already knew and laughed so i assumrd it was funny #but then suddenly *I* was being mean...? i understand more now but i wish someone explained it to me more gently #why did everyone laugh it was mean? i thought they laughed because it was funny #still dont understand why people laugh if something is hurtful. i didnt want to insult the girl either #i considered us friends and i was just trying to include her in the conversation #it was still not ok though... #theres another time that comes to mind when i said matter of factly that my sister was a liar #in front of her boyfriend who then very aggressively silenced me #i didnt understand why you would lie if you cant accept being a liar #it wasnt meant as an insult it was meant as the truth #but maybe if it was insulting she should stop lying #idk it was really weird #maybe this is why i didnt realize people where insulting me #because to them they were picking on me #but to me they were either stating a fact or falsely accusing me #i get embarrassed too of course but only because its whats expected of me #that makes me feel scared and inferior and alone. and thats what embarrassment feels like for me #it feels like everyone is unforgivingly looking at me with a magnifying glass

[kanatashinkaifr]

going to talk abt obey me and how they are all extremely neurodivergent!!! gonna go through my thoughts on each characters who stands out to me in one way or another.

Lucifer- he has NPD. dont even try to argue with me about this. from the way he holds himself to an extremely high standard to how hes LITERALLY the avatar of pride, hes just a total narc and I love him dearly. I also consider him to be autistic. half bcuz he shows some signs half bcuz I'm autistic and love projecting onto characters. I think that the way he is so strict and finds being on time so important is extremely autistic of him. he follows a very specific routine, and if said routine is messed with, he is unapproachable for atleast the rest of the day. this is shown in likee late lesson 24 or early lesson 25 I forget. he also has issues with emotions. both showing and I think even identifying them. autistic man. ALSO ptsd. duh.

mammon: adhd. he has adhd. he doesnt have npd, HOWEVER, he totally shows symptoms. he acts like hes on top of the world but the second a minor inconvenience happens he is just. reduced to nothing. I also like the hc of him being dyslexic.

levi: AUTISM AUTISM AUTISM!!! yeah that ones obvious like extremely obvious. stg autism runs into the family or smth cuz it feels like mammon and asmo are the only allistics in that mf house. dont need to explain why Levi is autistic. its obvious. if you really need an explanation just ask. but I also think he has severe social anxiety. like to the point that he gets extremely sick at the thought of social interaction. over the years, and with lots of trial and error medication, he can sort of deal with it now. still freaks him out though.

Satan: I think he takes after his father. like. A LOT. he is so npd and so autistic. I think that he really prides himself on his smarts but like. if he were to fail/get an average mark on a test (especially if lucifer got a high mark) he would disintegrate out of pure self hatred. if lucifer is better than him in any academic topic, you can practically feel the envy and rage coming from him. lucifer understands how he feels, and always tries to help him with his npd issues, but that just upsets him tenfold. "you think that *I* need *YOUR* help??? disgusting!". he has such issues I love him so much. not much to comment on his autism. also quite obvious, especially in nightbringer.

Asmo- I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE THINK ASMO HAS NPD AND LIKE I GET THE IDEA BUT NO. HE HAS HPD AND I WILL FIGHT TOOTH AND NAIL OVER THAT HC.

beel: autism. binge eating disorder. ptsd.

belphie: autism. BPD!!!!! B!! P!!! D!!!!!!!! I will scream it from the roof tops THAT MAN HAD BPD IDC WHAT YOU SAY!! impulsivity (especially when angry), unstable relations (mostly hc), uncontrolled anger, chronic emptiness (hc), self destructiveness, fear of abandonment. you look into the DSM-5 and there is a picture of him there. I think that. he might have PTSD too.

diavolo: autism. I dont care what anyone says I think he is an autistic woman who was just forced into masking. c-ptsd due to mainly emotional neglect.

solomon: autism. no canon reason to support this I'm just projecting. c-ptsd. he has very complicated feeling surrounding loneliness and abandonment due to his childhood.

simeon: autism. C-PTSD!!!!!!! I think that. there wasnt nessacarily anything that could generally be considered traumatizing. but a lot of things in his early days were extremely stressful for him. I think that hes always questioned the word of God just a bit. he made sure nobody ever found out, but he always had doubt within him. this has always eaten at him, as he is supposed to be an angel. Angel's do not doubt the word of their father,, so, why does he?

ermm okay I think that's. enough ranting for today...

#obey me #obey me shall we date #cluster b #neurodivergency #bpd #npd #autism #belphie obey me #belphegor obey me #lucifer obey me #mammon obey me #levi obey me #leviathan obey me #satan obey me #asmo obey me #asmodeus obey me #beel obey me #beelzebub obey me #diavolo obey me #belphie is so bpd i cannot even explain how hard i hc that. #same with satan being narcissistic and autistic. ii just. feel so strongly about it.

[minthara]

really long personal answer to an anon i got. trigger warnings in the tags.

First of all i wanna apologise to everyone who follows me for the last few days lmao, but i feel like if i dont post about it im literally gonna kill myself. I need somewhere to write down my thoughts because i feel bad always going to the same 2 friends i still have and complain about the same situation again and again about a dude they dont even know that well.

Thank you so much for ur message really, and sorry if im gonna take it as another excuse to write down all my thoughts, but i think it will really help me.

So the pathetic thing. I didnt ever post about this and in real life i think only like. 3 people knew. But after we broke up i begged him for months to take me back. It really was pathetic. And when he called me pathetic i think he was just very very hurt, because that was the second time i broke up with him (just a few weeks ago). It was in the sense of me begging him for so long just to break up again a few months later. I feel fucking stupid even writing this. I spent about 10k euros trying to get away from him, it fucked up my life so massively that i lost a job i really loved over it.

And now my new job is about 5 minutes away from our old apartment and i think thats a huge reason why i cant get over it. Every day i walk past restaurants, the supermarkets, anything we went to together. I had to buy snacks for work today and just burst into tears in the fucking supermarket because we used to go there together. The people at work are always so appreciative bc i know the area so well but they dont know how much it fucking hurts me and its so stupid like. Should i just avoid that part of town forever??? No fucking get over it bitch like wtf its a fucking supermarket.

And it also hurts because i know i wasnt always perfect and there were many times i was super mean to him. But at a point i couldnt deal with his ADHD anymore and that sounds so shitty but im a super organised person to the point where sometimes i wonder if thers anything ocd related but i dont think so. In my head i swap between i have ocd, i have adhd, i have borderline, i have autism  - i have no idea whats wrong with me, but the way i feel cant be normal. I know this because the way i behave isnt normal, i know i can come across as really strange, i cant judge social situations well and often dont know how to behave. But i constantly criticised him for symptoms of his mental illnesss.

But i never physically hurt him, and that was the last straw for me, why i left. I dont know how u can do that to a person you love.

And im just mourning the life i thought i was going to have so, so, so much. I know on tumblr ppl somehow think youre brainwashed when you want a traditional marriage and kids and stuff, but i really thought that was going to happen in the next 2 / 3 years, thats how i planned my life since i was fucking 21 and i met him. And now im almost 27, and i cant even go on dates because i cannot bear talking to new people because all i want is a clone of him but better.

I know i will look back at this and think “u cried about THAT guy???” in a few years, because thats how its always been in my life lol (except for one relationship, but were still really really best friends). I always think afterwards i will never love someone that much again. But it hits so much harder because it was such a serious relationship lol i really wanted to marry him. Sobs lol.

#asks #anonymous #abuse cw #suicide cw #i feel so much better after writing this down lol #blondshell salad on repeat if u know u know

[quodekash]

EPISODE 2 BAD BUDDY OS2 LETS GOOOOO im so freaking excited holy hell 

i still cant believe that patpran and earthmix are going to INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER??? AND EXIST IN THE SAME SPACE???? HOLY HELLLLLL 

wait hang on 

will we get longtae?? pls give us longtae i need to see my boy 

WAIT hang on how does this work. how do bad buddy and 1000stars exist in the same space if drake plays korn and also rang. i need to make some kind of murder board of the connections between shows holy hell 

tut tut, phu, you need to take care of yourself for goodness sake 

pran is too autistic for this, he doesnt know how to Social Situation and communicate what he was actually trying to say and now they think he wants to be a teacher 

also im gonna slide past the phutian relationship problems bc i dont want to think about it. my dads are not getting a divorce, and thats final 

hang on. there’s new kids now??? where the hell did they come from? 

tian’s teacher frustration is so real 

autism 

HEY 

LOOK AT THAT 

ACTUAL REPRESENTATION OF SOME KIND 

THATS AWESOME 

I KNEW HE WASNT NEUROTYPICAL 

FJEHSBGKVJREB 

i know ocd is an anxiety disorder but there’s a lot of overlapping symptoms and apparently autistic people are more likely to experience ocd 

and even if its just ocd, im still allowed to hc him as autistic 

but either way HELL YEAH REPRESENTATION AND ITS CANONICAL AND ITS NOT JUST IN HIS HABITS ITS AN ACTUAL CANONICAL DIAGNOSIS GJERBDHBDRT 

MY BOY! 

(definitely didnt completely forget about him) 

his gaydar is going off so much he can smell it (i made the screenshot too big and now phupha in the foreground is making me laugh so hard omg- i swear its the funniest thing ever. im probably tired. its 1:30am) 

THE LOOKS PATPRAN GAVE EACH OTHER WHILE PHUTIAN WERE INTERACTING- THE GAYDARS THE GAYDARS 

(yes, i know they already know about phutian bc of tian’s online diary thingy, but it still counts) 

i wanna read this diary so bad but i cant read thai. and also idk where i would find it. its probably online somewhere. it might be a merch thing. who knows man 

GEHRKDBGV THE FLASHBACKS WHILE HES READING 

IM CRYING 

“why would a good guy come to watch me take a shower?” THE LOOKS PATPRAN JUST GAVE EACH OTHER- OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

THE LOOKS THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE 

ITS SO FUNNY 

I LOVE THIS 

iconic 

i love everything about this so so so much 

the amount of joy that just this one image brings me? help 

ive been wondering why they keep making those movies 

wait hang on 

guys i think we might actually be onto something 

on another but related note: what do you guys spend 25 minutes doing at 2 in the morning when you should be sleeping? cos apparently i make beautiful atrocities like that. 

anyway. 

theyre like little kids, “he liked me first” “NO HE LIKED ME FIRST” 

this is starting to sound very familiar 

pran screaming at the waterfall reminds me of patpran screaming off the top of the hill at the beach 

THEY ARE PLAYING IN THE WATERRRR I LOVE THEMMMMMM 

“i think they kissed” “agreed” “they certainly did” “i agree” okay they didnt but they absolutely should have and we all wanted them to 

they so in loveeee i love themmmmm 

IM SCREAMING AS QUIETLY AS I POSSIBLY CAN, HOLY HELL THE FREAKING PARALLELS 

hah, you bloody americans, they probably had to google what 18ºC is in fahrenheit, but i, a superior australian, know that that is... warmer than it has been recently. its currently 13º. its really weird, im not used to it getting this cold, even in winter, and winter only technically started two days ago. anyway, enough about abnormal australian weather, back to patpran 

i love them so much 

pat, i- 

HELL YES 

OISHIIIII 

FINALLY 

the kid demanding payment through sips of oishi tea? thats my kinda style 

id adopt that kid if i had to. 

i hate kids 

but ice tea? it bonds people. 

lucky kid 

i rly like this karaoke idea, i was wondering how they were gonna incorporate the ost but i guess pat’s gonna sing it 

P’AUUUU 

I THOUGHT I RECOGNISED HIM IN THE BACKGROUND EARLIER AND I WAS RIGHT 

HELLO P’AU HOW ARE YOU 

“actually, my boyfriend and i also fought about who fell for the other first. but in the end, it isnt important. what matters more is that we love each other” AWWWWBHFGHBR 

OH 

ITS THE SONG 

ITS THAT SONG 

GEIURHGUKERJBGHJK 

YAYYYY PHUTIAN ARE SNUGGLINGGGG 

IM SMILING SO HARD ITS DIFFICULT TO SEE 

i love him 

THE SIGNATURE FISTBUMP RJDGBJR 

i love them 

NOOOOO THEY STILL HAVENT MADE UP, GOSH FREAKING DARNNIT 

ooooo phu vs pat drinking challenge, this’ll be fun 

i really like how the young ones are giving advice to the older ones for a change, its very nice. and also just goes to show how powerful patpran are 

omg this kid is everywhere, i love him 

the pure RELIEF when they both see that they are, in fact, wearing pants. 

BRO THAT WAS STRESSFUL 

PRAN NEARLY DIED 

its so funny to me how intense the music is rn 

OF FREAKING COURSE 

well at least we know that means we’ll get more patpran next week, we dont have to say goodbye to them today 

anyway that was wonderful, its 3am and i feel fine currently, cant wait to feel like a dead banana peel tomorrow, goodnight folks, see you next time! 

#quodekash watches our skyy 2 despite desperately needing to sleep #our skyy 2 #our skyy x bad buddy #our skyy x a tale of thousand stars #our skyy x bad buddy x a tale of thousand stars #os2 #bad buddy series #bad buddy the series #atots #1000stars #a tale of thousand stars #patpran #ohmnanon #phutian #earthmix #ohm pawat #nanon korapat #earth pirapat #mix sahaphap

[ghostcrows]

Uhg this is maybe gonna sound patronizing but sometimes people on here spend to much time making sociological theories and forget that evidence based practice >>>>> theories that tie things together and explain everything. Every time. Every time they trump it. So it’s like the current state of mental healthcare and disability accommodations being so bad leads to the theory of how pathology is a structural validation to stigmatization of neurodiversity esp things like schizophrenia. And that coupled with the hater mindset around how “popular” and “lol quirky” adhd and autism are being portrayed on social media (this sounds deeply unserious but it’s the best way I can put it) leads to people who are adhd and autistic which can be materially physically seen and is real dismissing themselves in favor of the theory. Like idk. People love to do lots of thinking and I am not at all trying to disparage it but even when you’re a radial anti establishment politically extreme leftist if you’re theorizing then you’re theorizing and venerable to the pitfalls of theories. Abhijit Banerjee, Esther Duflo, and Michael Kremer won a nobel prize semi recently for doing the most water-is-wet thing and conducting experiments and looking at the results to determine policy change instead of basing policy on theory. It really opened my eyes to read about. The theory is just a tool to talk about the world. The world comes first always. Adhd being a physical condition of the brain does not fit into certain theories and so proponents of the theory will consciously or not, willfully or not, brush aside certain things that do not fit into the worldview supported by the theory or would be complicated or made worse by implementing the policy proposed by the theory. But it’s all just smoke. Does this make any sense. I saw someone say bipolar wasnt harmful outside of the stigmatization because they prescribe to the theory and I was so shocked. Manic episodes can lead to the bipolar person becoming physically violent and thank god for medication. Bipolar can ruin a life because of the things you do while in a manic episode and it can end a life in a depressive episode it’s like. Circling back around to denial of mental illness.

definitely does make sense i agree with this, we can speculate all day long but at the end of the day people are struggling, and they would likely struggle regardless of society's response towards their conditions

it really does loop back around in the end and its just frustrating

i understand not wanting to be pathologized, i understand not trusting the psychs, i understand that the system is as broken as it ever was with maybe a shinier coat of paint over it now and slightly less medieval torture methods deployed...but regardless how you classify mental illness or how you rename it, its a fairly consistent set of symptoms and experiences

its like when people have this idea that mental illness will cease to exist in the utopian post-capitalist world the revolution will bring

but the way i really know people still dont get it even within these circles is the way they cant seem to agree on how much of mental illness is even in the control of the sufferer. like theres always a point at which its simply an excuse, because, well i suffer from this and i wouldnt do that...in the fight against the stigma we throw so many people under the bus and end up only advocating for the people who can speak for themselves in the first place, the 'high functioning' people (who subsequently are not really allowed to show symptoms either because, you're too functional, you're too cognizant of your own actions, you must be doing it on purpose too)

and the anti-med stance is another i cant really get behind even knowing that yeah...you can go through everything they got and never find one that works for you, you can get meds that fuck you all the way up, even when youre on them you might still struggle, you might hate the side effects more than the illness...i get all that and i recognize all that and people totally have the right not to take shit they dont want to...but also i know people who need their medication...big pharma or not doesnt fucking matter cause its obviously something that tangibly helps enough people that we cant just not have it. same with therapy its totally understandable to lose all faith in that avenue of help but there will always be people who need that kind of service even in its imperfect state

reminds me a lot of a book i read called 'no one cares about crazy people' , every few decades we have a new dominating theory of mental illness and the people who are labeled mentally ill continue to struggle through every iteration of it

[hiro-doodlez]

HELP I can't see my therapist for a couple of weeks and am currently having something i like to dub "yet another hiro autism crisis" where i contemplate if my therapist gave me the right diagnoses (she has told me she is not certified to give autism diagnoses, and instead more things like depression) Right now, I am diagnosed with ADHD, Anxiety/ Social anxiety (its still up in the air, DPDR, and depression. idk if that matters SO NOW I LIST RANDOM THINGS that could be considered symptoms or not I DUNNO HOW TO DO THISS feel free to ask questions about some of the crap i say here half of it doesn't make sense

First off, I have a general trouble understanding most social situations, and struggle sometimes when talking about practically anything. For example, earlier today my step-mom basically said she wasnt going to finish her food and let my brother have it. my brother said he would leave 2, he didnt (BOZO) and later after he left she found the empty container and said something along the lines "HAH! I thought he said he was gonna leave me 2!" and immdeiately without thinking i went "hey! you said he could have as many as he can! and hes working 10 hours a day and needs his energy!!" half jokingly and she got mad at me for it, we got into a mini argument over that.

When saying something thats serious, i tend to make a joke around it and i have NO CLUE why. I just CANT be openly upset around people. For example, when being told about something that happened to me as a kid that NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED RAGRHAGHAG, instead of having a breakdown and being reasonably upset, i burst out into giggles and laughs while my brother was just so fucking confused on what was wrong. It was kinda like i couldn't stop and it fucking sucked

The TINIEST things can upset me, and other HUGE things can have little to no effect. Its so incredibly annoying

I have INTENSE fluxuations in interests, hobbies, and motivation for certain projects. I will start on this huge project that im INCREDIBLY excited for, and then a week later have little to no interest in continuing it.

I make everything about my personality a joke, i dont know why. EVERYTHING i tend to say or do has to be funny. it's like i dont want people to see beneath that

I fluctuate in personality A TON, especially depending by the people i am around. At school, I'm the quiet kid. I don't talk to anyone except maybe 5 people, but other than that i tend to stay completely silent. It could be a mask? i dunno. but when im at home, ask my brothers, i am BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS. it might also be me just getting some of my energy out? RRAHHH I DUNNOOO

I will simply forget to do very important things to the point of endangering my health. Like forgetting to eat for a day straight. my step-mom thinks i have an ED AND I DONT. i literally just keep realizing suddenly at like 6 pm all i have eaten is a couple of skittles and pringles.

i have no clue how talking to people works and im constantly winging it. I forget how to have friends especially how to even talk or interact with them and its so stupid. I can't ever start a conversation with someone without having at least 5 minutes going "am i weird for this am i being annoying am i being clingy".

If i say even one thing wrong i WILL be thinking about it for DAYS thinking about how they probably hate me now and im a terrible person ect. ect.

I tend to hide many of my traits (especially good ones) because i am incredibly embarrassed and never want anyone to EVER compare themselves to me.

im a people pleaser does that count

i tend to get extremely upset if i get told one bad thing about something that i like or just a project i have. For example, I had this fandom silly man poll because i just wanted to find out who was silly. Then one of my friends just posted something like "i hate fandom polls theyre the worst" and i just lost complete motivation afterwards. I haven't touched that blog in WEEKS at this point becuase i simply have no more interst

I have had a meltdown or 2 before, and they both stemmed from being told about how i was a bad person. i don't know why the hell thats a thing

I can't stay focused on one thing for long periods of time (ADHD cough cough) Like literally earlier i was watching this video about autistic traits and i kept having to back the video up because i would get sidetracked in my mind to the point where im just not listening anymore

if im not paying attention to people sometimes I SWEAR theyre saying "ffajaleifnanamzmaldafjkjeffnma" and as soon as i start noticing it suddenly theres words again. hate that.

i have times where it can kinda seem like i cant speak, and if i do everything comes out wrong and jumbled. Like when my autistic friend would have a sensory related meltdown, i would never know what to do and end up going dead silent because of being so mad at myself for not knowing how to help (any tips actually hahahahaHOW DO I HELP)

i have little idea who the hell i am. had a mini-crisis because i didn't know what my favorite color was because before, it was the color my friend with synesthesia said i was and i just went with that (i think its purple or blue i have no fucking clue JFALJK)

i will have spikes of random motivation on one thing. like learning lanugauges, i will have a week where its so easy to get like 10 lessons on duolingo done a day and then the next week its a struggle to get even one done.

i focus better with distractions ??? I can't focus without music and tend to do better on reading tests if everyone else in the class is talking ???

i remember the most random things about certain things. Like, i could not for the LIFE of me remember what color that one persons hair that i was talking to for 15 minutes straight. but i can remember that they had pink socks on. WHY IS THAT WHAT I REMEMBER??

I hate organization and doing the same thing every day. i NEED chaos. My brother a little bit ago helped me out and got me to make a personal to-do list. i couldnt do it a single day even though the things were extremely simple like "brush hair, make bed, eat breakfast ect."

i zone out a LOT. especially when people bring up topics im uncomfortable with or conflict with my current feelings. i go into a kinda little talking (not nonverbal, i can still talk) or just confused state that freaking sucks.

when im in a high energy mood i tend to not feel.. reall???? I do many things overboard and annoy the heck out of my brothers. i always feel terrible afterwards.

Idk if this is weird to say but i tend to get really off put when people im comfy with get haircuts or major changes in their appearance. I never like the change no matter what the hair cut looks like. i dont have any clue why

i have no clue whether or not any of this is real or if I have managed to make it all up in my head. (bascially when i was younger i wanted attention and ended up faking depression for a year straight and was an absolute ass to my friends and blah blah blah)

#hiro.txt #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autistic #mental illness help #asd #asd help #nd help #rrahh #like i cant tell if i am masking INCREDIBLY WELL or not #i have no clue #oh its almost 1 am LOL

[sometipsygnostalgic]

hi! in re to your post about your diagnosis, do you mind saying a tiny bit abt the process? im asking bc i have thought RLLY hard over the past few months on the possibility that i may be autistic- like, a lot of things ive wondered about myself would make more sense if i was and the idea of that has brought some peace to me. but i have NO idea how to go abt the process of talking with a mental health professional abt it and/or getting a diagnosis. i totally understand if you don’t want to share abt your process at all and i don’t want to make you uncomfortable with this question, so please feel free to ignore it. but if you are willing to share like the first step that you took in the process, i would rlly appreciate it! im just confused rn. anyway, i hope you’re having a good day/week/month lol :^)

hi anon!

I live in the United Kingdom, there are two options here, you can ask for a referral from the NHS, or you can self-refer privately which will cost £2000 for an assessment...

so what I did for my autism assessment is go to my doctors surgery, and explain to a doctor that I suspected I was autistic. I gave my reasons why - difficulty at school, difficulty with crowds, I talk really bluntly, sometimes i can become very anxious very fast - and the doctor recognised there were enough symptoms for a referral.

the autism referral centre eventually sent me a series of questionnaires, some were for me, some were for my father or for some other person who has known me since i was a child (i dont know what you're supposed to do if you have nobody).

i didnt' like the questionnaires because they were confusing, you have to give relative answers for what you think your own behaviour is, some things i would have problems with relative to friends but not relative to people with severe learning difficulties (like my cousin who is also autistic and is 8 but cannot speak more than a few words), so i wasnt sure what exactly i was meant to answer with there.

i procrastinated for like 5 months on submitting those forms (it was hell). then they decided i sounded autistic enough for a proper assessment and put me on a waiting list.

when it came time for the actual assessment which took place 15 months later, I was referred by the NHS to a third party because of the backlog, so it was all done remotely rather than me going to a centre.

my father and i were given more questionnaires (which were bugged, make sure that any online forms you're sent don't delete your answers in one column when you're filling in another column). my dad's questionnaire was MASSIVE and went really into my early childhood, asking whether i had brain injuries or stuff like that. the idea is they want to rule out the possibility of misdiagnosis, whether my autistic traits are a result of something else.

i was given a questionnaire too and i found it somewhat confusing, they asked me how i would feel if i got a positive/negative result on the diagnosis. i thought this was to catch me out. it's probably to make sure people aren't going to kill themselves if they're told they're autistic or not autistic, but i think the questions were weird anyway. i answered as much of the other questions as i could in relation to autism.

when it came to an actual assessment, i was asked questions for an hour and a half over camera, largely about my own emotional responses to things. i was also asked to help narrate a visual storybook, and to tell stories with inanimate objects. it was part of the adult assessment, and again it was to rule out other conditions, rather than to indicate whether i was autistic, because lets just say that i am very good at making stories up on the spot.

my dad meanwhile was interviewed for 3 hours about my childhood. when i was done with my assessment i joined him for that questioning and filled in the blanks, because my dad wasn't actually around for a large part of my childhood.

a few hours later we had the diagnostic call and they told me i was autistic and that they will send a report (still waiting) with information on this and also on post-diagnostic support services in my area, which i think is going to be very useful.

[sysmemes]

wait omg so it doesnt have to be a total black out and I do not have to instantly forget stuff . that changes a lot

in the end I dont think its DID specifically but OSDD-1 is very much on the table .

BPD is something I considered but I got myself in a better place emotionally and a lot of the symptoms of BPD are just . not there anymore so yeah (and I do have autism, but schizophrenia is very much not an option)

also yesterday after sending in the ask I also had a very not Average Person Experience that got me considering that I could actually be onto something here . in short i just got mad and stressed and I just started feeling like I was very much physically out of my body (and my head started hurting but idk of that's related or just me) and I ended up being much more . basically mean towards everyone . I managed to reel it in so that I wasnt harassing people that made me upset or taking it out on my friends but I am just not like that . like me I do not do that

weird stuff . and tysm for the reply I forgot to mention !!!!! very helpful

glad I could help!!

I definitely recommend reaching out to a therapist if you are able! I can't recommend the ISSTD therapist directory enough (linked at the bottom of my previous reply). Even if you don't have a CDD, therapists you find through that site are likely better equipped to treat trauma and dissociation than most. If price or location are an issue, I know many offer sliding scales and video appointments!

That sounds like a rough experience, I hope you're doing ok now ❤️❤️

I know you weren't really asking for advice here, but I'd feel Off if I didn't add this stuff:

I didn't say it earlier, but it's good to be pretty cautious about the online system community. Misinformation is everywhere (usually unintentionally), so it's good to read books and studies on CDDs to get a better understanding of how they work. People don’t share a lot of the harder parts of their disorder on social media. Some people might emphasize other parts because it makes for Good Engaging Content (I am not saying these people don’t have a CDD, just that their portrayal of it online, like the portrayal of just about any illness, is curated specifically for social media). Also, the “system content” that gets the most Publicity tends to be what people without CDDs find the most sensational, and what's portrayed in that content might not be something every system experiences (for example, blackout amnesia!).

Another piece of advice I’ve heard pretty frequently boils down to “If you're regularly in these spaces, it can become very easy to pathologize yourself. Taking a week or two away from system spaces and simply letting yourself exist as you are—however that may be—is going to be most beneficial to figuring out how your brain works.” (ty Numb Circularsys for helping me word this!! <33).

All said, I hope you're able to figure this all out and everything!!

#not a sysmeme #askbox

[birdofmay]

ok heres a question i have been thinking about: people talk about When you are diagnosed in reference to needs, but what about when things like sex and doctor biases affect it? i wasnt diagnosed until i was an adult, but it didnt mean i was high functioning, it was because all of my doctors saw my struggles and said it was because i didnt love and i didnt want to help and i was angry and mean because there was something wrong with who i was and not something wrong with my brain. but when im an adult i go to a new doctor, and she says they wrre very very wrong to not diagnose me as a kid, because i showed every classic symptom. and they did this because im a girl, but she also doesnt know why they did this. so its strange to me, because sometimes severity, doesnt make you diagnosed early, sometimes they see you unable to do things, like speak or take care of yourself and say its because you dont love your parents. i thought everybody did this, but i think it is just me now. and thats why people make it the same sometimes. because this only happens to me. do you think this is it?

I mean I know that sometimes people aren't diagnosed because other conditions "cover it up" (for example sometimes they diagnose intellectual disability and dyspraxia, but not autism, because they think your autism symptoms are because of intellectual disability).

And sometimes people aren't diagnosed because the parents don't want it and/or are ignorant despite seeing that their child struggles and is very different.

But....The doctors said it's because you don't love your parents?? 😳 Holy shit, that's terrible! 😳

I don't really understand what you want to ask me, can you try to reword it maybe? 🤔 (you can send another ask for that if you want)

#anon ask #long post

[18-toe-beans]

personal vent time?

#this is another vent post #cw mental illness talk #cw ableism #so i cant stop processing this talk i had with my mom in like 2016/17 and it makes me terrified for our current future #it was like 2 am during a time i went to sleepover and me and mom are sitting in the dark watching public tv and chatting #and i tell her hey i think i might be autistic and btw it would make more sense because dad has adhd and all these other reasons #and she told me she didnt think so because im ‘too smart’ and ‘there were no signs while you were growing up #‘you were gifted thats it’ #so i said it possible for people to be both ‘gifted’ and autustic and that it isnt a bad thing if they are both #and she asked me what i meant and i told her i wasnt against people being autistic or mentally ill #and then she pauses and asks me who she has known is mentally ill for many years by that point #and she asks me if im for curing autism and im just like #uh no i dont think ‘curing’ mental illness is the answer here #that people should be able to get assistance and manage symptoms but i didnt like the idea of ‘curing’ someone #and she told me thats where we disagreed and she proceeded to explain her point of view of why she thinks we should have ‘cures’ #and about 95 percent of it was false equation retroic #equating mental illness to physical illness and essentially attempted to turn what i told her into that i didnt want people to get better #and that once people are ‘cured’ they can find all this extra peace and stuff and im just like.. #idk that wasnt what i was trying to communicate to you mom. i was literally just trying to explain that im more neurodivergent than #originally thought #and so lately i had a convo with her in the last month where she congratulated me on no longer being ‘crazy’ and -then- asked how my mental #health was... which i informed her was pretty bad bc it was just after COVID had started and im recently unmedicated after over a decade of #being medicated #so this potential future truly terrifies me not only from the government and state but because of people like my family and their beliefs

[headspace-hotel]

So this didnt go as I expected. I told my psychologist some reasons I think im on the spectrum. And she said (very nicely, she wasnt hostile) that my "symptoms" werent symptoms at all. What she learnt seems to be the extreme side of autism, the pound-your-head against the wall kind and the illiterate kind and the NO TOUCHING EVER kind, the solitude wanted forever kind, the doesnt ever understand jokes kind. I dont know if her studies are just old or if im the one who should've shut the hell up

Psychologists can (surprisingly considering their education) be stupid about these things on occasion. My first psychologist didn’t evaluate me for ADHD because she thought a person with ADHD couldn’t have scored high on the ACT. Four years later I was finally evaluated and diagnosed. I couldn’t say whether you’re autistic or not, but there’s a reason you’re asking the question in the first place. You could find another psychologist, you could look into similar diagnoses like ADHD. It depends...

#autism #adhd

[crunchcasual]

1. Are you a fast talking hyperactive or a pacing hyperactive?

2. Are you a doodling daydreamer or a window gazing daydreamer?

3. Do you like hand stims, foot stims, or mouth stims the most?

9. Are you a 5000 tabs person or blank tab trying to remember why person?

13. High stim or Low stim seeker?

14. Comorbid conditions? (Also what does this mean)

20. Ever wonder how much of you is your personality and how much is ADHD?

:D

thank you for the ask <3

so many questions omg thank you wibkur i’m gonna put them below a read more just in case i start rambling

questions from this adhd ask game

1. uhhHhHHhH it super duper depends on the moment? i also have depression and that can drastically affect how my adhd and brain works day to day unfortunately (its also why i wasnt diagnosed until quarantine) so I can talk ur ass off or bounce off the walls B-) pick ur poison cause it aint mutually exclusive babeyyy

2. I answered this in the ask before this but definitely definitely a window gazer. always have always will 

3. i like em all but i’ll say hands because if i couldnt do any other stims, having hand stims still would be the best out of the three 

9. also in the ask before this, but its a billion tabs until you accidentally close the entire window

13. I’m not *exactly* sure what this means but i’m gonna say high cause im generally a pretty high stimulation person. i crave that Adrenaline and i crave it Now

14.  ok i dont know very much but they're conditions of one mental illness that overlap with another. like,,, people with autism and people with adhd can both have sensory processing difficulties or people with ptsd and adhd can both have brain frog. its very hard for me to say what are comorbid symptoms for myself cause i’m still figuring out how much of my mental illness innit is caused by adhd vs other things. im still very new in the whole Understanding process 

20. haha!! all the fucking time!! but in a different way I think than people who were diagnosed at a young age. they, maybe like yourself, have an answer for a lot of their difficulties but also a label for a lot of their traits. can’t concentrate? adhd. smart? adhd. good and difficult things. i didn’t have that, i just had the whole “oh ur smart and talented!! but also you lose motivation and are lazy!!” and there was no explanation for that besides just Me Being Me. So I don’t really look at myself and go “I wonder how much of my personality is my adhd,” I wonder, “I wonder how much of my adhd is my personality” cause its a complex, luv 

#wibkur #thank you for the ask<3 #asks

[autistic-reptile]

Okay ive sent you like three asks within the past two days, one of which wasnt signed ("thank you! 💙") so i apologize for the spam b u t ,, I was just looking at your popular posts, and one of them was about symptoms being ignored on the bases of being female, and the other was about both end of extremes. Is thzt why so many females, or people born in that binary, arent given the chance to be diagnosed? (1/2 --sorry this is a long one)

no problem, thanks for the spam :)) (really)

but I would say the medical field in general likes to use males as the standard across all conditions. which, is obviously not accurate. even well-known conditions like heart attacks can cause very different symptoms depending on which sex you were assigned at birth, and I’m only recently starting to see more awareness and promotion of those different symptoms.

there’s also the problem that doctors tend to underestimate the severity of someone’s symptoms when that person is born female. yes, the cliché of “women being dramatic” extends that far, and it’s very very harmful in a medical setting.

with autism specifically, something that seems to be particularly strong in afab people (but is certainly not exclusive to them) is masking. masking refers to someone’s ability to hide/mask their symptoms of autism in an attempt to assimilate to the neurotypical way of interacting. masking can encompass a lot of things that are simply done as a coping mechanism to appear less outwardly autistic. things like scripting, forcing eye contact, feeling like your “acting” or “faking” during interactions, consciously adjusting your tone of speech or facial expressions, copying others mannerisms or speech patterns, etc. are all related to masking.

there seems to be a certain pressure on female-presenting people in our society to be social butterflies. so the need to mask can be particularly strong in anyone who’s ever been female presenting, whether that’s early on in life or later in life. that being said, masking is usually present in some form or another in all autistic people, because we all have that pressure to appear “normal.”

a good doctor will know all this and will know what masking is. if they don’t mention it or seem to be dismissing your symptoms, bring it up. if they don’t seem to know what masking is then it’s doubtful they’re very educated on autism, at least in adults, and I wouldn’t entirely trust their opinion on the matter. parents on the other hand probably have no idea what this is, and would assume that if you’re not showing obvious symptoms then they must not exist. so I would definitely suggest explaining the whole thing to them so they understand how you could possibly be dealing with symptoms that they haven’t necessarily noticed in you or ones they think aren’t that severe. my advice (beyond the things you mentioned - you’ve obviously read my other posts 😉) would be to get your parents on your side first, if possible. there’s plenty of legitimate sources online that discuss masking and the more “hidden” symptoms of autism if you think they’d be more convinced by a third party. discussing masking is a good way to broach the topic and can help you frame your symptoms in a way they can understand, so it’s probably a good place to start if you’re worried they might not be receptive.

#asks

[tumblunni]

The cafe at the hotel + a nice meal WITH TERROR LURKING

I specifically asked for no peas because peas are a problem for me with my autism but OH WELL I GUESS PEAS and i was too embarassed to ask the damn chef to take it back and like..bin everything that touched the peas.

Its so fuckin stupid i feel like such a child

BUT

I know its really fuckin dumb but i feel really accomplished to say this is the first time i have ever finished a plate of peas without throwing up.

Its my fuckin weirdest brain problem, i get really oversensitive to some textures and its the height of extreme embarassment whenever it happens. I wish so fuckin much that it was something i got over when i grew up, it sucks to be a full grown adult and still get an involuntary gag reflex and full on pulse racing panic just from your tongue touching ONE PEA IN A THING. (Also sweetcorn cos its similar in texture)

And all the years of my childhood being told i was 'just being picky' and somehow making up being sick and just getting slapped and given more goddamn peas to train me out of it. Well all that ever accomplished was getting me to panic at the mere sight of the things and have to compulsively pick them out and pick out everything that touched them like man i cant even eat a thing that looks like it was near a pea!!!!

BUT HOLY HELL IVE FINALLY CRACKED IT IVE FINALLY CONQUERED MY STUPIDEST GODDAMN FOE

Not by 'just manning up' and doing it again and again until something changes. No, turns out this entire time i could have just made a really minor change to avoid the cause of the freakout. Cos this is actually the first time ive tried MUSHY PEAS

Yes, the epitome of cliche boring british person food was actually the solution all along???

See it was entirely a texture thing, and when theyre mashed up it just doesnt do anything at all. This is actually my first time even knowing what peas actually taste like! I cant believe my friggin PEA JITTERS were so strong i never even registered one percent of wtf they taste like. They taste like nothing?? Like just..generic vegetable. Slightly vinegary i guess. (Or do they put vinegar in mushy peas?) I still dont like them but i dont hate them either, and more importantly they dont destroy my entire frontal cortex with The Terror Sweats

So i was able to eat all those peas and now i know the secret technique to eat all peas for the rest of time! And it was a super easy thing that my parents could have done for me with minimal effort and saved all that trouble if they just actually listened to me all those years ago. I cant belueve i was so locked into the whole 'its your fault you have to keep trying you cant try doing it another way' mindset that i never simply squashed the pea under my fork and tried to see if it was better...

Though it still wasnt exactly easy, i had to try and eat this stuff while not actually looking at the peas cos itd make my stomach churn just thinking about them. I think i can get past that gut reaction eventually if i keep eating them in Safe Non Anxiety Form and like..rewire my brain to see this as a New Food instead. I dunno. Maybe put food colouring so they arent green?

It sucks that i have to go to such weird lengths to deal with my brainweirds but im just glad to have figured something out so i dont have to embarass myself again.

Most of my other touch-based sensitivities are stuff i can deal with like just not being able to deal with those outer ear headphones puttibg pressure on the back of my head or also hats that are too tight. I think it actually might be part ptsd from how my mum used to pull me by the back of my head. My support workrr touched me on my shoulder near the back of my neck the other day and i had such a spike of panic but i felt too embarassed to tell her about it. Like she was just tapping me to get my attention but its just..just please dont. And aside from that im also working on my big taste sensitivity to mint and bitter stuff. Today i had a lightly bitter green tea boba and i feel so grateful to my buddy for helping me find one tea i can handle! And ive found that i can deal with mint if its mixed with a second thing thats equally as strong. I tried this mint and pepper drink that sounded like itd be awful but it was actually amazing how it cancelles out the mint entirely! So i dunno should i buy some of that novelty spicy chewing gum and chew a stick of that along with the mint stuff? I have a low tolerance for spice but its not like an overstimulation thing its just regular having white guy tastebuds lol. Id much rather have a burning hot tongue than a burning hot brain!

I will slowly but surely find out a way to deal with all of my things!! Even if i cant ever get rid of them i can find a way to live with them, ykno?

Also i need to try and buy a fidget toy, i need to stop being too embarassed about that. My friend i met today is also autistic and she has a chew ring and im like WHOA i wish i could get over my anxiety enough to do that! Chewing on stuff is my biggest damn stim, i would destroy all my pens and pencils and chew bottlecaps so long they ended up as rubber, not to mention how much i wreck my nails and get so many cuts all over my hands whenever i get nervous. But it just seems like chewing on stuff is seem as the most immature type of autism symptom by neurotypical society. so im stuck too ashamed to buy the stuff actually designed to help us and instead i just keep doing it anyway and still embarassing myself but like also with a choking risk. I still remember when i accidentally choked on a coin and my dad spent the entire time i was in the emergency room making fun of me for it and saying i was a burden on the nhs for getting hospitalized and like..taking resources away from real problems. And how i was childish and r-worded and etc etc cant ever survive on your own cant ever be a fully sentient human being

Gahhh this has been a long tangeant but anyway this is why autism awareness and acceptance is good and also why you shouldnt make fun of people who have the 'weird version' of symptoms. Im not choosing to do this, seriously im way more upset by it than you are...

[aplpaca]

1, 19, 20

thanks for asking! (this ended up being hella long so thats why its kinda late)

1: Did you discover that you are autistic early or later in life? How do you think it affected you?i had an “unofficial” diagnosis when i was like 4 (unofficial bc i was “on the spectrum but didnt meet all the criteria for an official diagnosis” aka i could talk and wasnt a boy) but because it was unofficial there wasnt really anything that could be done with it, so it wasnt considered significant and i didnt think much of it.    

i didnt actually “figure it out” till towards the end of high school, and what really made me consider it was how much i related to posts by autistic people talking about traits and experiences.  and it was super “freeing” i guess cause it was like realizing that id been viewing myself wrong for most of my life? that my difficulties werent because i hadnt “nurtured” them the right way and my interests and talents werent some warped form of compensation.  like a mental shift from “im a defective version of other people” to “im a perfectly decent version of myself”. 

kinda like if youd been taking care of a “weird bush”, getting confused that it was different from the other ones, and then realized the bush was actually a cactus.  but now that you know, you can figure out how to grow a healthy cactus instead of overwatering it in the hopes it will look like a bush   

19: What, in your opinion, is the most ridiculous autism myth or stereotype?theres a lot of those but the stereotype of autism being a young white boy thing is definitely up there in terms of perpetuating inequalities like afab people and poc are diagnosed less frequently and misdiagnosed a lot more, especially when theyre not kids anymoreless institutional for this one, but a lot of non-autistic people act like theyre able to intuitively tell if someone is or isnt autistic? when their knowledge is based on one autistic person they know of, or a mix of pop culture and maybe an intro to psych class.  like “*person* cant be autistic they do *thing that isnt mutually exclusive to being autistic*” or “are you sure youre autistic cause youre not like my younger brother”  

20: How would you describe autism to someone who knows nothing about it?im not exactly sure how to answer this concisely and still give some actual background on being autistic but heres some traits (under the read-more since this is pretty long already)

social interactions

casual conversation comes a lot less naturally for you than for others (like for me it feels kinda like trying to do a card trade when youre deck is out of order or when youre taking too long trying to find the right amount of money to give the cashier)

even if youre pretty sarcastic yourself, you might have trouble recognizing when other people are doing it (maybe responding to them as if they were serious, then realizing it was sarcasm afterwards)

difficulty with timing in conversations - accidentally interrupting a lot or not knowing when to start talking in groups

takes a lot longer for you to make friends than most people, even when actively trying

might have difficulty telling peoples feelings from their facial expressions or tone of voice, may accidentally overstep boundaries as a result

language/expression differences

speaking might not come naturally as a form of expression, might be more comfortable writing or using another method, especially on more personal topics

might be more or less facially expressive than most people (”resting bitch face” or finding it really hard to hide emotions)

might go nonverbal at times (or all the time) - talking feels physically difficult and takes more energy than usual, can happen with stress or just randomly

sensory stuff

hypo or hypersensitivities - more bothered by loud noise or bright light than others, being a lot more sensitive to fabric and clothing, needing certain levels of noise to be comfortable, “picky” eating (especially related to texture), sitting normally in chairs is uncomfortable, more or less reactive to certain smells

stimming because it feels nice, helps focus, relieves stress - fidgeting, Need To Move, leg bouncing, rocking, repeating phrases/noises because they sound/feel nice, hair twirling, feeling certain textures, pressure (heavy blankets, tight clothing, etc),

sensory overload when overstimulated (often in loud/bright/crowded/etc areas), may have trouble processing all information at once, get irritated by small sounds, may get dizzy, can trigger anxiety, restless energy, trouble focusing, places others are fine with may feel very chaotic to you (eg: a mall or supermarket), symptoms lessen when away from situation

various other things

special interests - if you like something you really like it no middle ground (”obsessed or nothing”), avidly pursue more info/content relating to it, feel an intense need to talk about these interests with others, could spend hours a day on these interests without getting bored  

executive dysfunction - procrastination, difficulty planning ahead, trouble with time management, distracted easily, trouble staying on task, difficulty multi-tasking, having trouble making yourself do something even when you want to get it done

unexpected events or changes in routine (even small things and even if your schedule is not busy) are stressful, might cause you to freeze up,  can take a long time to get used to

auditory processing difficulties - “sorry can you repeat that”, comprehending what someone said when theyre halfway through repeating it, following verbal instructions is hella confusing (“i know what those words mean and i know what that sentence means but i have no clue what im supposed to be doing”)

detail oriented - needing to know specific details and reasons behind things to remember them better, noticing lots of things others dont

good at coming up with unique ideas, different thinking approach leads you to problem-solve in ways others might not

i could write more but ima stop now, i think ive prob info-dumped enough

#autism acceptance #actuallyautistic asks #autism #asks #Anonymous #me