#that makes me feel scared and inferior and alone. and thats what embarrassment feels like for me

[1a-imagines]

@darkseptigirl Request: Hey hun, can I get a Todoroki, Shinsou and bakugou scenario where their s/o suffers from social anxiety and agoraphobia so she has to like squeeze their hand tightly when out in public, and/or hides behind the boys when they’re talking to someone or just clings to their clothes? You can skip this one if you don’t want to, I’ll totally understand❤️

Type: scenario

Characters: Bakugou, Todoroki, Shinsou.

Bakugou:

"What's the big deal?"

"If I go and pay for this I'll be forced to talk to the cashier!"

"So?" Bakugou pressed you which only caused you looked away from his gaze, not wanting to see the judgement in his eyes.

"What if I say something stupid and everyone laughs at me." You shyly squirmed in your place, feeling your cheeks heat up from embarrassment. Of course that wasn't likely to happen but your brain had already come up with 20 different things that could go wrong with such a simple interaction. You could already feel your heart beat accelerating at the thought of everyone whispering about you, judging you, laughing at you. You wanted to avoid making any mistakes at all costs, and what better way to do that than to completely avoid the situation altogether?

Bakugou was already well aware of your social anxiety, and he never judged you for it, but he also didnt understand it. You're scared of social interaction? But it's such a common thing in day to day life. When you told him about it you had to explain everything to him because he really didn't get it. He didn't particularly like talking to people either but he wasn't scared of it. After a long explaination he did finally start understand. It was like your brain was tricking you into thinking bad things were going to happen to you. Even if it was really unlikely, truthfully, people probably weren't going to judge and evaluate everything you did in a negative way, but your brain told you otherwise.

Bakugou didn't want you to close yourself off from the world, however. He knew the only way you would overcome this would be to push you into these situations so you could see they weren't as scary as you thought. He may come off as a little harsh about it but he didn't mean to. He just wanted to help you realise that there was nothing scary about doing these things. They were apart of life and you couldn't avoid them forever.

Of course he tried not to be insensitive about it. It was a hard thing to deal with, he could see that, and he didn't want to make you feel even more inferior and self conscious than you already did. So he never pushed you too hard.

When he saw you starting to shake and your breathing becoming uneven he felt bad for being too harsh on you. You couldn't help it. He sighed and ruffled the top of your head in a loving way. He just wanted to tell you how wrong you were. He personally thought you were amazing and there was nothing to be self conscious and embarrassed about. If people were looking at you it was more than likely because they were admiring how beautiful you are. How your smile lights up any room. Not because they were judging you.

"Deep breaths, babe. You know nothing bad is going to happen. It's just talking to someone extra with a minimum wage, shitty job. What's so scary about them?"

You pouted when you felt him messing up your hair but appreaciate the gesture none the less. You took a deep breath and looked up at him with your hands clenched tight. "Will you come with me at least? A-and hold my hand?"

"If that's what it takes." He muttered and grabbed your hand with only a little hesitation. You both made it over to the line and once stood in it you realised how close you were to the other people around you. It made you slightly uncomfortable. What if you accidently bumped into someone and they get the wrong idea and get mad? You squeezed the blonds hand tightly, to which he looked down at you. He couldn't see your expression, you were practically pressed up into his arm. When the line moved he made sure not to stand so close to the people in front of you two and shot a deadly glared to the people behind you. It scared them just enough so they kept their distance and it gave you a lot more space.

When you looked up again you felt a bit more relaxed seeing the extra space. You smiled up at bakugou gratefully knowing he was being thoughtful even if he wouldn't admit to it. He pretended not to see it but when he turned his head away from you, You knew he saw how you were looking at him. He really did make you feel so safe.

When you first met him he was terrifying to you. He was so eccentric, loud and pretty much the opposite of you, and yet, surprisingly you two became friends. Turns out having someone so intimidating as a friend is nice. When you told him about your social anxiety he got a lot more protective over you. He would scare away anyone who was making you uncomfortable, anyone who got too close, he even went as far as talking for you when you didn't want to. Little did you know he was also doing those things out of jealousy, but you don't need to know that.

All of your classmates were so suprised when they found out you were friends, so you can imagine their faces when they found out your started dating. You two were pretty opposite but that's what worked so well with you two and he loved you exactly as you were.

Your smile was soon replaced with a look of terror when you heard the words. "Next, please." And realised you were at the front of the line. It was your turn and you didn't feel prepared at all. You hadn t even went through the interaction in your head to plan it out! You squeezed his hand even tighter, you were suprised he wasn't in pain from how tightly you were holding onto him, then again he was really strong.

You went up to the lady behind the counter and she smiled at you sweetly. You placed your things on the counter and she began scanning them through. "Are you having a nice day today?" She said, in an attempt to make small talk. You appreciated it but another part of you also didn't want to speak. You half shuffled behind your boyfriend when you replied. "Y-yes. Thank you." You had said it so quietly you weren't entirely sure she heard you.

You didn't let go of his hand for a second and as much as he was against PDA he knew he couldn't push you away when you were like this. He wasn't a monster. So he just ignored it. Sending glares to anyone who looked at you for a second too long.

Once the cashier was finished you paid for your things and as soon as you walked out into the empty street you let out a breath that you had apparently been holding. Your heart was still racing and your cheeks were flushed red.

"See? That wasn't so bad. You've got nothing to be afraid of, dumbass."

"Th-thats not true! I should've asked her if she was having a nice day too! She probably thinks I'm horrible and impolite! Which I am! I-"

"You're not helping yourself. She's probably already completely forgotten about it. You did great. The more you do it, the easier it'll get."

"It's just... scary to me. I wish it was that simple but I'm trying to fight against my own brain here! Its not easy katsuki." You muttered softly, eyes downcast to the floor. He felt like punching himself for making you upset. He really had no clue how to deal with this stuff but he was trying his best. He just wanted you to be happy.

To Bakugou you had done really well compared to some of the other times.

Sometimes you would give him the money and wait outside so he would have to pay. This time you faced your fears and you hadn't done so bad. If fact, it had went pretty smoothly from his point of view. So he couldn't understand why you didn't see it as an achievememt.

"Did you feel better holding onto me? Having me there with you?" He asked. You were confused by the sudden question but nodded slowly to answer it. You didn't know where he was going with it. "Then we can practise more, and every time you do something like that I'll hold your hand. I'll let you hide behind me if you need to. Just make sure you're at least try."

Your eyes widened in suprise. You hadn t expected to hear him say that. You knew he didn't like PDA. And now here he was offering it to you. This was an opportunity you couldn't miss! You smiled brightly at him, about to say how happy that made you but he beat you to it.

"But I'll only do it when you need it. Don't get too cocky, babe." He smirked and pulled his hand away from yours. You huffed and crossed your arms over your chest. "Jerk, I always need it!" You retorted. Holding out your hand again for him to grab but Bakugou shook his head. "No one's even around, you're fine. You can't pull that bullshit on me."

"Can't you just let me have this?! My heart is still racing so bad!"

He eventually gave in and took your hand back into his. Though he pretended to be unhappy about it.

He really would do anything to make you happy, But he also knew he had to help you overcome this. Help you until one day you don't even need to hold his hand when talking to someone, when around strangers. As much as he loves it, he loves you more. He didn't want you to live in such a small, closed off world. Especially when he knew you could do this! When he had first met you he barely could hear what you were saying, you spoke so quietly. You wouldn't even look at him, and now you weren't anxious around him at all! In fact when you were alone and you were completely yourself he loved it.

You're amazing, you just needed to show the rest of the world what you showed to him.

"Hey." He got your attention by squeezing your hand.

"Hmm?"

"I'm proud of you."

Shinsou:

You held onto his jacket sleeve tightly as you two walked through the market place. You were feeling really anxious because of how busy it was. Even after you two had agreed to leave early so neither of you would have to deal with a big crowd of people, it turned out everyone else had the same idea as you did. It was still pretty early in the morning and yet there was so much going on. It was unbelievable!

Your hands were currently intertwined with Shinsou's as you glanced around at all the stalls. You stayed as close to his side as possible, knowing his presence gave you comfort. You could even see on his face he wasn't all too happy about the amount of people either. Shinsou couldn't deny that he did love having you so close, but not when he knew it was because you were anxious.

As soon as he felt your grip tighten on him he didn't need you to say anything for him to know what was wrong. He had to admit he also felt uncomfortable and wanted to leave as soon as possible too. Shinsou grabbed onto your wrist and gently began leading you through the crowd until you reached the end. When you made it out of the crowd you looked around and took notice you were by a park. You both breathed in relief that you had gotten out of that situation and now you two could just go relax in the park, alone.

"Are you ok?" He asked you softly. He was happy to see your relieved expression. Your whole body had seemed to relax as soon as you walked into the deserted park area. There was only a few people walking their dogs but there were far away from the pair of you.

You couldn't even begin to tell him how grateful you were he had so quickly took you out of there. You told him you were fine and walked over to sit on a bench that overlooked the lake. He sat beside you and didn't complain when you pressed your face into his shoulder, you were blocking out the rest of the world, even if just for a moment. But also your boyfriends scent was just comforting for you.

Neither of you really loved big crowds or were socially gifted, so you both understood each other's feelings. It was nice to have someone who knew the signs and what steps to take to help. You both sat on the bench for awhile. The park, unlike the market, was quiet and peaceful, the breeze was so cooling on such a hot day. You felt so much better now that it was just you two. You could feel shinsou's thumb running across the back of your hand.

"Thanks for always saving me." You whispered as you rubbed your face furthur into his arm. "Don't thank me. I'd do anything for you, kitty." You smiled at the nickname. You had gotten it when he compared you to a cat. Saying you were always so quiet, sometimes even skittish, how you would always stick around him and avoid every one else. Just like how a cat would do with their owners. He first time he had said that you found it so cute you burst into a fit of giggles.

You sighed happily and closed your eyes for a sweet moment but not even 3 seconds later you wished you had kept them open. You jumped at the sound of someone calling your boyfriends name and running up to him. It was, what looked to be, an energetic old man. Shinsou stood up and sent him a lazy smile.

"I thought I recognised that hair! It's been a long time kid." The old man laughed. You had no idea who he was but you felt a little awkward just sitting there whilst the two conversed. You slowly stood up hoping the man wouldn't notice you so you could slip away from the situation and wait somewhere else for your boyfriend.

"Who's your friend?"

You cringed when he addressed you. Knowing now you couldn't walk away so easily.

You were stuck here, and you were probably about to completely embarrass yourself in front of this man and your boyfriend too.

You stood there tensed up and turned back to look at them. You really weren't good at talking to strangers but now the old man was expecting you to introduce yourself! You completely froze up. You felt your heart race just as fast as it had back at the market place, your face began to heat up as you tried to force some words out but you couldn't even get past the first letter.

"I-I-I-"

"That's (y/n)" shinsou saved you from having to speak, before reaching out to take your hand. He already knew it helped calm you down when he did this. You shyly moved to stand behind shinsou's back. Your head being the only thing that was peaking out.

"That's (y/n)?" The man asked in shock before letting out a hearty chuckle. "So you finally got 'em huh?"

His question made you curious but you didn't have enough courage to ask what he was talking about. Though the man seemed to notice the curious look on your face and smirked in amusement.

"Oh, Shinsou here had had a crush on you for quite sometime. It's been a good few years now."

You almost choked on your on spit. Years?!

Shinsous rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly and turned his face away. "Come on... You didn't have to tell them that." He muttered, but you however felt your heart beating faster by the second. You two had been dating for awhile but certainly not years! Had he really liked you for that long? He had hidden it so well! You softly squeezed his hand. Wanting him to know he shouldn't be embarrassed about that. It was so sweet!

"Your right, but they deserve to know don't you think?" The man chuckled again. "He would always come around to my shop and sit there texting you for hours. He never smiled more than when he was talking with you. I'm suprised it took him this long to ask you out."

"Ok you can stop now." Shinsou muttered.

The old man made eye contact with you and you jumped back behind shinsou's back. "I should get back to the shop now. Come along anytime! I'll give you coffee, on the house!" The man waved as he walked away. You looked up to your boyfriend who was avoiding all eye contact. You stepped out from behind him, looking at him with love filled eyes.

"Who was that? How do you know him?"

"He-... well-..he owns the cat cafe down the street."

You couldn't help but giggle, wrapping your arms around him tightly. "Now I understand how you two know each other so well~" you teased him, his cheeks turning red in the process. He thought the teasing was over but he was wrong.

"I think we should talk about how you never told me you've liked me for years."

"Please don't."

Todoroki:

It was easy to tell you were quiet and shy but as a matter of fact that wasn't exactly what it seemed. You had social anxiety, and you had yet to tell your boyfriend about it. Which is why every time you avoided talking to people by hiding behind him, or when you held onto his jacket sleeve so tightly it almost ripped, Todoroki was utterly confused. He didn't understand why you acted this way. He figured maybe you were just wary of people? He knew it wasn't just shyness. At first? Yeah. He figured you were just shy but it seemed like something more to him. He just didn't know what.

Whenever he tried to ask you about it You dodged the question with. "Im just shy around strangers." But in actuality it was a lot more serious than that. You just didn't know how to tell him.

There were these three students who would come up to you in the hallways and everytime they did so you looked in incredibly uncomfortable. Like you wanted to completely disappear from the situation. This caused Todoroki to believe they were harassing you, and he wasn't happy about it. Of course he knew you did act that way around most people but it still caused him to worry to the point he would try and observe you to see what things would make you uncomfortable. Lately it seemed to be those three people from the support class. He knew he couldn't just Stand by and let this continue.

He was walking with you to class, the hallway was almost completely empty and so you didn't feel the need to cling onto your boyfriend for comfort. You knew he was becoming more suspicious about your mannerisms and you didn't want to worry him anymore than you already where. But you just weren't sure you wanted him to know about your struggle with your mental illness. What if he thought less of you because of it?

Those same three students from the support class were running up to you with grins on their faces. You had talked to them a few times- well no, let's rephrase that. They've talked to you. You didn't really say much unless they asked you a question. You did like them though. They were helping you with your costume and they didnt mind that you were quiet and a bit awkward either! That still didn't make it any less nerve wrecking to talk to them. You didnt know them well enough to be comfortable around them so when they came running over you grabbed onto Todoroki's arm, your fingers digging into his sleeve. He stopped walking when he felt this. Here you were again; looking uncomfortable as the support students were running up to you. It made him more than annoyed, could they just not see you were uncomfortable?

The three students exctiedly surrounded you, talking about the adjustments they made for your quirk and how they can't wait for you to try it out. You sent them a small smile, you felt more than happy they were helping you out. They were putting all this effort in for you, you just wished maybe they wouldn't crowd you like this. That's what made you feel anxious when talking to them. Three pairs of eyes all on you as they practically circled you.

You felt Todoroki take his arm away and you panicked for a small second before it cane back and secured itself around your waist. He pulled you to his side, glaring at the three in front of you. "Excuse me, but can't you tell you're making them uncomfortable. I suggest you leave them alone or else I'll have to get involved." He said in a stone cold voice.

You were suprised to hear him talking like this. The three students hadn't done anything wrong.

"U-uh.. ok? Sorry (y/n)."

The slowly walked away and you knew you would have to make an effort to apologise to them later that day. You turned to for boyfriend unable to comprehend the coldness in his eyes. "S-shouto! What was that for?"

"I thought they had been harassing you lately. Everytime they show up you seem to get so uncomfortable. Was I wrong?"

You sighed, knowing you would have to explain yourself. This couldn't happen again, and you didn't want to confuse him. "I-i think we need to talk. Or at least I need to talk, but it might be long so let's do it after class ok?"

It was safe to say the whole class he was silently panicking. 'We need to talk.' That was playing in his mind the whole time. About what? Had he messed up?

When he saw you stay back after class, he too stayed back until the class was empty. He walked up to you, you were currently leaning back against your desk. Noticeable worry in your eyes as you chewed on your bottom lip.

"(Y/n)?"

"I'm have social anxiety.."

"What?"

You blurted it out thinking it was just the best way rather than waiting any longer.

"You always get so confused when I hold onto you for too long. When I hide behind you or squeeze your hand too hard. Well, I get anxious around people... i always feel like i'm going to say or do something wrong, and then everyone will hate me for it. Those students weren't harassing me. I just don't always know how to act around people. I don't want to screw up. Don't you remember when we first met? I could barely talk to you. I was so scared you'd end up hating me."

Todoroki thought back to when you use to stutter and become breathless when talking to him. You even seemed to get dizzy at times and experiance faint spells. You had told him they were just side effects of your quirk which was an obvious lie but he didn't push it.

"I hold onto you because you make me feel calmer. You make me feel safe." You admitted, shyly. You didn't want to look at him in fear he would be judging you, so you didn't. What if he thought you were too much of a handful now? Surely there are much better people out there than you. Why bother with someone who can't even function correctly? Someone who can't even talk to people without getting dizzy and sick?!

"Well I suppose that gives me a good excuse to hold your hand then."

Your head shot up hearing his words. He was smiling down at you gently. It wasn't a big small, just the corners of his mouth had twitched upwards slightly. "You should've told me sooner. I would've tried to help you take the right steps to help you overcome this. Or at the very least just supported you through it. You dont have to hide anything from me."

"I didn't want you to know how I really am.."

"(Y/n), You accepted me for who I really am. If you think I wouldn't do the same thing for you. Maybe you don't know me that well after all."

He hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your head up as he leaned down, placing his lips to yours in a soft, delicate kiss.

"I love you. Don't ever feel ashamed of who you are because you're the best person I know."

#bnha scenarios #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha headcanons #bnha #bnha bakugou #bnha todoroki #bnha shinsou #mha headcanons #mha imagines #mha scenarios #mha #mha bakugou #mha todoroki #bakugou x reader #todoroki x reader #shinsou x reader

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What is lsd like? Is there a difference between taking it alone vs. with other people ?

I’ve only been on it around other ppl once and it was awful but that was cus of the situation, not the people or purely the fact it was around others. Most ppl say its worse alone but I think if you educate yourself about it and are in the right mindset it can be a very positive thing (you control the trip and all that..) I initially took it because I’d read into how lsd can help with ptsd and change change your outlook on areas of your life or allow you to see and realise things you’ve struggled with & I heavily researched all the effects you should expect and be prepared for. I was sexually abused as a child which I’ve talked about on this blog before and people who’ve followed me for a long time will know it affected me a lot as a young teenager. I had alot of messedup thoughts about myself and recurring nightmares of it and I would never go as far as to say acid made me completely get over it and move on but it helped me …. observe the situation better and look at myself not as just being..what happened to me, and look at my life and life in general objectively. I dunno it made me think really deeply into myself and life and begin to come to terms with it. One thing it really changed for me is my feelings about virginity, it affected me alot for a long time despite knowing it wasnt really a big deal and virginity is a social construct and whatever, i couldnt get rid of that disgusting feeling of not being a virgin/having lost my virginity as a child, on lsd I kinda realised I was just seeing this as a way to prove to myself that it changed me and made something less of me, thinking of it as having taken something tangible from you rather than just the vague loss of control or innocence that isnt definable, and I believed on some level it sorta made me a bad person....i think I struggle with not being able to define feelings and thoughts...but yeah that really changed my outlook on how self loathing I was about having lost my virginity. This was all at pretty low doses and wasnt very visual or anything it just helped me think about stuff and explore different mindsets i suppose…I’m not really sure how to explain the mental aspect of it. Acid trips last a long time and i wouldnt just be like non stop ruminating on my fucked up past lol I would let the thoughts and realisations come to me and write stuff down and draw, I would spend a lot of it especially towards the end just listening to music and feeling at peace with the world, alot of the time I would get a sense that everybody is connected which is the only thing thats ever kinda made me feel not inferior to everyone and completely feel like my social anxiety is unjustified and not feel that way for a moment in time, I felt like I was everybody and everybody was like the universe and its all interconnected and kept thinking about how every atom is technically touching lol. I still dunno how to explain this either in a way that fully conveys what it felt like, its just overwhelming feelings, you cant really understand the mindset unless you experience it

The one time I did around others I’d accidentally been sold a much higher dose than I was supposed to have been (250mcg blotter instead of 110…..) and I was so fucked, from everything I’d read about psychedelics I knew it was a high dose lsd trip but I was confused cus i was like..why would someone overdose you its usually the opposite (the dude had actually given me the wrong blotter, and someone else mine rip, he was so apologetic about it tho) ummm but I ended up going to a girls house that im not even that close friends with and she was super cool about it but I was so embarrassed. I basically was just uncontrollably laughing and it was insanely visual, I wasn’t really scared I mean I was kinda scared cus I didnt know where it would go but I just kept reminding myself its just a chemical. I could totally understand from what I saw and the way I felt the stories you hear about ppl taking acid and getting paranoid the whole world is a simulation or that its never gonna end. Idk how to explain but I feltlike i was in a 3d animation software, everything looked fake and like 3d models, and literally even now I cant look at frost covered leaves and trees without seeing them from that mindset. Loads of fractals in the frosted ground and my friends ceiling, echoing in peoples movement and like the cmyk echoing colour thing you see on aestheitc photos if u know what i mean, wicker basket in her lounge legit looked like snakes, felt really electricy and gross and kept feeling like i was leaving my body into other parts of the room but not like physically I cant explain it. Also the apps on my phone were boncing around lol. My thoughts were like 100 a second and i really couldnt focus i felt like i was having non stop epiphanies but couldnt grasp onto any of them. I also felt very paranoid my friend was texting ppl making fun of me when she was on her phone, and just really self concious and embarrassed and kept apologising to her even though she was cool wit it. it was gross

#Sorry this is so long #Anonymous