#it has been a LONG time since a hyperfixation grabbed me this hard and this quickly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiniest-hands-in-all-the-land · 2 years

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I felt like barfing out my thoughts

Hi, hello, long time no see. This isn’t really any sort of update or anything; like the title says, i just have some thoughts and i want to put them into words lol. And i’m putting it here instead of twitter cuz of the bigger word count fa;ewiofna;e

THIS IS A WHOLEASS JUMBLE OF WORDS THAT DON’T REALLY MEAN ANYTHING, SO FEEL FREE TO JUST SKIP PAST

Anyways, um... i feel like i’m kinda losing the thread on bnha. It doesn’t really have anything to do with how the story is going or anything (though i will admit my focus is stronger whenever there are major moments with aizawa and mic, which,,,, there haven’t been much lately fla;oewfnwai), but more to do with the fact that i’ve been here for 4 years straight, which is,, the longest time i’ve been in one fandom at a time??? i’m super impressed of myself by that, but also?? kinda burnt out and honestly kinda super lonely?

Since finishing my multichap, i’ve actually had a little time to try and catch up on fanart and fanfic i’ve missed, and,, i dunno. none of it’s really getting me; even content that has all the tropes and ships i’m super into hasn’t been really grabbing me. It’s nothing to do with the quality of said works; they’re all well-crafted. Idk i’m just not feeling as enthusiastic as i once did.

Not to mention like 95% of the people who were in the em fandom back when i first joined have all moved onto other fandoms, so a lot of the time it kinda just feels like i’m t-posing and screaming silently in a very big and empty room lol. And this isn’t meant to throw shade at anyone!! I genuinely hope all my mutuals are having the time of their lives with whatever series they devote their attention to. It’s just hard for me to keep being invested in a thing when everyone i know that was there with me have all moved on lol. And then also i feel like i lost a good 2/3s of my audience cuz of my extended hiatus, so that also puts a damper on things.

Ideally, I want to stay with bnha at least until the story concludes. But i’m not sure how long that’s gonna be, and how invested i can keep myself until that point. Right now my focus is being pulled in like 4 or 5 different directions: bnha, OC stuff, real life stuff, and a few other small interests i dabble in every now and again like botw. So it’s been uhhh... tough... to keep one stable thread going rn lol

Now that I’m graduating, I want to try and post more often, i’m just,,,, not sure what i would be posting. Again, ideally, I would love to get some spark for erasermic and rooftop squad stuff. But my brain has just been mush when it comes to coming up with any sort of art/story ideas lately. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like i just can’t come up with any sort of semi-to-fully fleshed out plot anymore. And not even just with fandom stuff, but with original stuff too. Over this past semester, I managed to come up with an original story and characters that i actually kinda like and want to pursue, but i just keep running into these blank spots that, no matter how hard i try, i can’t find a way to fill them in. I can’t bring myself to blame depression for my mental fog, just cuz in the past i was going through a bad depression bout, and that time ended up being the peak of my creativity, so idk what’s really going on with me right now f;aoweifn

I know a good portion of it is probably cuz i restrict how many stories i consume cuz i don’t like the threat of potentially jumping fandoms. I have a whole list of anime recommendations waiting for me and other shows/stories/whatnot that i’ve been passingly interested in, and i hesitate to watch any of them, cuz there’s always that chance i’ll get too invested. Unfortunately, i’m not one of those people who can have a bunch of hyperfixations lying dormant until someone speaks the magic words and suddenly i’m all about it again. The way my dumb brain works is that I have 1 Big interest and a few very small interests. The small interests are basically always there, and i can consume them quickly and briefly without ending up consumed by them. But once that 1 Big interest changes, it takes a lot of time and effort to try and keep up the enthusiasm for that previous Big interest, and often times, it doesn’t work out and i get to the point where i basically don’t want to see anything pertaining to that old Big interest anymore (if that makes,,,,,, any lick of sense at all omfg)

Idk. This is a whole mess and a half of words lol. Guess what i’m trying to lament is my inability to consume new media without fear of it taking over my brain af;oewina. I want to find new stories, I want to expand my horizons, but i always dread the possibility of jumping ship to a different fandom. And I know i know it’s a really stupid thing to be worried about, but idk. I invested a lot of time into bnha, a lot of which got lost when i went on my hiatus, and a part of me is just like “bro you’re not DONE here”, but like,,, brain no worky. And i’m not entirely sure what to do or how to feel lol

TL;DR:

- I’m getting kinda burnt out on bnha but i don’t really know whether to try and hold on or just let go; and if i let go, i don’t know what will happen lol

- i want to try and post more, but i’m not sure what i’ll be posting

- my brain is Big Stupid and it’s frustrating

#wow this was a fuckin mess #sorry and rip to anyone who read through that #i think the biggest hurt rn that i'm feeling is the OC story thing #and how i can't get myself to commit to it #it's just really frustrating that's all #i'm like toying around the idea of potentially /trying/ to do a webcomic #but in order to do that i have to fully realize my story #and my brain goes from 'this is the best thing ever!' to 'omfg why did you think this was a good idea? DID you think??' in like 2 seconds #i also just #don't feel like i have anyone to talk to about any of this #made the mistake of telling my parents that i was having woes about fandom rn #and my dad in all his infinite wisdom was like 'lmao i don't give a shit about that. i have a LIFE'#like okay. cool. you don't have to pretend to care about it but at least don't berate me for my goddamn hobby #idk this is a mess and i get the fun pleasure of dealing with it all alone in my little mind palace :)#i'll shut up now #long post

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dakotacrisis · 3 years

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Baker Girl (2)

Fine! You win! You broke me down. I wrote a part 2. Will I write a part 3? Who knows! I am easily influenced, I have no life, and the hyperfixation is still here! Enjoy it please!

Read on AO3

---

“NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Nino had about two seconds to react before Adrien grabbed hold of him and dragged him into a storage closet.

“Dude, you nearly ripped off my arm,” Nino grumbled, “Why’d you drag me in here? And why are you so sweaty?”

“Did you know that Marinette has a crush on me?” he demanded. Nino’s eyes went wide and he opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. “Why did you not tell me?”

“Because Alya would have murdered me.” Nino said, “How did you find out?”

“I uh…” Right, there was no real reason Adrien should know that Marinette has a crush on him. That secret had been told to Chat Noir.

"Doesn't matter. I'm just trying to figure out what to do about it."

"Oh…" Nino slumped back against the storage room door, "Does this mean you're gonna reject her?"

He hated the idea of telling Marinette he didn't want to date her. Especially after yesterday but what else was there to do? He was in love with Ladybug after all--

Oh. Right. He deleted all the pictures. He didn't want to be in love with her anymore since the thought of it made her so mad.

Ladybug didn't love Chat Noir. She got aggressive and angry when the notion was even suggested. She liked him as a friend and partner but that's as deep as her affections went. Despite what may have happened during amnesiac akuma attacks would suggest. At the end of the day she was in love with someone that wasn't him.

But still, he didn't want to give up. He wanted his lady to see him for who he really is and love him back. The idea of giving her up, of actually moving on, it hurt more than words could say. The heartache and anger of yesterday made it easy to declare his intentions of moving on but it wasn't there anymore. Marinette had sucked all of that vitriol out of him the second she catcalled him over to her balcony.

He really saw a side of Marinette he wasn't that familiar with that day. He had only caught glimpses before but it really came out yesterday. She usually stuttered and stammered and went on weird tangents around Adrien. Around Chat Noir though she seemed more--he didn't know--relaxed? She treated him with the same casualty and ease she showed around Alya and all her other friends. What was different about him?

Oh...right.

Sooner or later Marinette was gonna confess to Adrien. She was going to give him that speech she made last night that made his heart stutter and his breathing stop and he was going to do what? Tell her no? After he already told her that the person she was in love with was lucky? After she said that the person that would fall in love with him would be lucky too?

How could he break her heart like that? He didn't want to hurt her. That was the very last thing he wanted to do.

"Wow," Nino pulled him out of his thoughts, "I can practically see smoke coming out of your ears with how hard you're thinking."

"Sorry," Adrien sighed, rubbing his temples, "I don't know what I'm going to do. I've never thought of Marinette that way."

Okay. That was a lie. He had always felt some sort of pull towards her but he thought it was only because she was a good friend. Yet, being around her, that pull, made him feel unfaithful to Ladybug. He didn't get that feeling around any of his other friends.

"I'm not sure how to help you," Nino said, "I like Marinette and I think you two would make a good couple but if you don't feel the same way then there's not much else to do about it. Just, let her down gently if she confesses to you. She has been crushing on you hard for a long time and I imagine that this rejection is gonna hurt something bad."

"Thanks anyway, Nino," Adrien moved past him and left the closet. For right now his worries about Marinette would have to wait. He had to get this tournament over with first.

---

"Girl, I don’t think those articles were too far off the mark." Alya said as they took their seats for the tournament. "From what I heard, Chat Noir may actually like you."

"He didn't mean it literally," Marinette reminded her, "he was talking hypothetically."

"Uh huh, sure," Alya pulled up her phone, "Watch his face in this video and tell me he didn't end up catching feels for you."

Marinette watched the video, focusing solely on Chat Noir’s face. He was watching her with intensity yet his expression was soft. Like he was taking in a moving ballet performance. Then…

"I'm lucky to have fallen in love with you."

He said it so softly, as if he was speaking some deep secret from the innermost pit of his heart.

She turned the phone away. "Please, Alya, Don't show me this. I've already made up my mind. I'm going to tell Adrien how I feel and then later Chat Noir and I are going to make a new video to post on the Ladyblog to put an end to all these rumors."

Alya looked as if she wanted to protest but didn't push the subject anymore. The tournament started and ended and Adrien won. Everyone cheered and her crush was lifted onto shoulders to celebrate his victory. It was close to time now.

Marinette’s palms began to sweat.

A hand clamped around her arm and pulled her into the locker rooms. "Kagami? What are you--"

"Did you do what I said yesterday?" Kagami asked, a book was clutched tightly in her hands.

"Partly. I didn’t really follow through completely but--"

"Perfect. I was worried, because it's a risky technique. By training with a boy you can fall in love with him and decide to leave with him for a deserted island and get devoured by zombie carnivorous plants!"

"Say what?" Marinette stared at her confused beyond all reason. Of all the directions this conversation could go she wasn't expecting this.

"I haven't finished the third volume, but it's very likely going to get worse." Kagami showed her the cover of the book she was holding.

For the love of--

"Did you give me advice you got from a manga?'

"Yes," Kagami said as if it was obvious and not crazy, "the Catastrophe Robinsons. What's the problem?"

"Okay, you need to hang out with my friends some more. I can't imagine that we have a much better grip on reality but together we can scrounge up some brain cells." Marinette laughed.

"So you didn't fall in love with Chat Noir? He's the one you practiced with if the articles I saw about you two are correct. Right."

"Right, but don't worry. We didn’t fall in love." Marinette assured her.

"I'm lucky to have fallen in love with you."

"No," Marinette held her arms close to her chest, "we definitely didn't fall in love."

"Good," Kagami sighed in relief. At that moment the doors to the locker room opened and the fencers filed in to get changed.

The girls made a swift exit, Marinette accidentally caught Adrien’s eye while leaving and nearly walked straight into the door. She stayed back waiting for everyone to change and leave. She would have a small opening between when Adrien was done changing and when he had to go home. If he could spare a few minutes then she could get her confession out.

---

Adrien took his time changing out of his fencing gear. While the thrill of winning had been potent at the time it was starting to slip away and being replaced with his worries about Marinette.

The moment he saw her exiting the locker room with Kagami he had collided into the back of one of the other fencers. Thoughts and feelings were warring in his head about what he felt and what he wanted and what any and all of this meant. Adrien wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore. He didn't know how to feel about loving Ladybug anymore and he needed more time to sort through what was going on with his latent feelings for Marinette.

He left the locker room and stopped dead when he saw a lone figure standing at the front school steps. Why was she still here? She lived right next door, shouldn’t she have gone home?

Don't panic Adrien. Marinette doesn't know that you know about her feelings. Just say hi in passing, maybe a bit of small talk, then proceed quickly and calmly to the car.

He walked closer and scanned the road for his car. Where was the car? Where was the Gorilla?

"Hey Adrien," Marinette said, she had her hands clasped behind her back. A small smile on her face. "Congratulations on the win."

"Thanks," he gripped the trophy tighter, "it was pretty hit or miss there at the beginning though." That was because he kept getting distracted when he heard Marinette cheering for him. In the end he had to find a way to block it all out so he could scrape by with his win.

“Yeah…” Marinette kept her gaze locked on the ground.

“So uh,” Adrien cleared his throat, “What are you still doing here? Thought you would have headed out with everyone else.”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Was it happening? Had she stayed back to confess to him? He wasn’t ready for this. He was still trying to figure things out. Should he make a run for it? No. That would be worse.

“About what?” Adrien broached carefully, hoping that she wanted to say something else to him. If this was her confession then he was surprised that she was doing it so quickly. He thought she would have wanted to clear up the confusion about her and Chat Noir before trying to tell him her feelings.

Wait. That was it.

“Is it about the articles?” Adrien asked as naturally as he could, “I saw them this morning. I’m sorry people are still calling you my girlfriend or my ex-girlfriend. Especially since you have that thing going on with Chat Noir.”

“What? Oh right,” Marinette’s composure seemed to slip, “It’s not ideal. And for your information what Chat Noir and I did yesterday wasn’t a date in the slightest. I called him over for help and then we decided to take a break and see a movie and the media took everything out of context. He actually stopped by my house earlier today to apologize about it and look into a way of clearing it up.”

“Well that’s great,” Adrien saw his car pull up out of the corner of his eye. Alrighty Adrien, you’ve made it this far. Just casually say goodbye and high tail it to the car. “Looks like my ride is here. I’ll see you later, Marinette.”

Adrien hustled down the stares as fast as he could without it looking like he was running. He hated ditching her like this but he needed more time to think. He heard the stammered goodbye of Marinette, her tone sadder than it had been when she greeted him.

Sorry, Marinette, Adrien thought mournfully, I can’t face you just yet. I’ll hear your confession another time when I know how to respond to it.

He slid into his car and let the Gorilla take him home. His mind was in a tornado of confusing thoughts. He was barely aware of the congratulations his father gave him when he walked in. He slumped up to his room and put the new trophy on his shelf before sitting down at his computer.

“Real smooth get away there,” Plagg zipped out from Adrien’s bag.

“Not now, Plagg,” Adrien groaned. When he closed his eyes all he saw was Marinette’s face staring up at him. She loved him. She really loved him. She loved him and he didn’t even know how to respond.

"I'm lucky to have fallen in love with you."

Why did he have to say that outloud? It wouldn’t leave him be now.

He pulled out a piece of paper and jotted down his thoughts hoping to make better sense of them.

Item 1: Ladybug doesn’t love me

Item 2: I’m unsure if I still want to be in love with Ladybug

Item 3: Marinette is in love me

Item 4: I don’t know if I like Marinette the same way

Item 5: I feel something for her but don’t know what it is exactly

Item 6: Does Marinette have feelings for Chat Noir? If she does then why did she try to confess to me? We had a moment in her bedroom where it felt like she maybe did like Chat Noir. Or maybe she didn’t. Was I reading too much into it? Did I freak her out by saying that I was lucky to have fallen in love with her? I covered it pretty well saying I meant it hypothetically and she said that she would have been lucky to fall in love with me too. Did she really mean that or was she just being nice? She said that under difference circumstances she thought she could be in love with me. What about me? Would I love her under different circumstances?

Adrien stared at the last paragraph he wrote in a haphazard mess of words. That last line seemed to strike him directly.

If under difference circumstances, would he have fallen in love with Marinette? He thought back to the day he came to school. Marinette had been angry at him and rightfully so since she thought he had stuck gum on her seat. He imagined it as if he had never met Ladybug. As if Hawkmoth wasn’t around and he had never become Chat Noir and fallen in love with his partner after her amazing courageous feat.

That moment when he apologized to Marinette on the steps. It was raining. He offered her his umbrella.

She is pretty cute. There’s a reason so many of the boys in their class had a crush on her at one time or another. She was kind. Sweet. Brave. Creative. Passionate. Loyal. She was fun to be around and he felt at ease around her. Adrien smiled to himself and sighed into the air.

Yes. He concluded. Under different circumstances he can only assume he would have fallen for Marinette Dupain-Cheng very quickly.

This wasn’t a hypothetical situation he was in now though. He was working through the heartache over Ladybug and this new information with Marinette. Even if he does have latent feelings for Marinette, which is useless in denying that he doesn’t at this point, he isn’t sure if he’s in the proper mindset for a relationship.

If she confesses he’ll tell her not yet. Not a definite no, just a not right now. Hopefully that will be enough.

He glanced over at the clock. He still had one last thing to do tonight.

---

“Ouch, you didn’t even get a chance to tell him?” Alya said over the phone.

After Adrien had abruptly left after the fencing tournament Marinette had called Alya to tell her she didn’t get her confession out.

“Yup,” Marinette was not nearly as bent over not confessing her feelings to Adrien as she thought she would be. “If I’m being honest I’m kind of relieved. I love Adrien but things are a little...complicated right now.”

“Does this have to do with Chat Noir?” Alya asked. Marinette could practically hear the cocky grin plastered on her face. Marinette was silent for a second longer than was necessary which Alya took for confirmation. “I knew what happened earlier wasn’t just a spoof.”

“I don’t know what it was, okay?” Marinette flopped down on her bed, her face buried in the pillows. “I’ve never thought of Chat Noir that way.”

“Girl, I can barely hear you.” Alya said.

Marinette picked her head up, “I said that I’ve never really thought of Chat Noir that way. There have been a couple times his flirting has flustered me, I’ll admit that, but I’ve never seriously entertained the idea of liking him romantically. But yesterday...I don’t know...something happened.

“It was like, without him flirting with me as Ladybug I saw him. He wasn’t my partner in crime fighting or the guy that can’t stop flirting with me at inappropriate times. When we were together yesterday it was just him as a person and--I don’t know--I guess I kind of really like who he is as he is. None of the wooing or flirting or grandiose gestures. I was out with Chat Noir, the hero of Paris, a guy with a good sense of humor and a kind and caring heart.”

“So you’re admitting you caught feelings for him.”

“I think so.”

“And is that a bad thing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you still in love with Adrien.”

“Of course but…”

“But he’s consistently edged you into the friend-zone to the point you can have your mail delivered there.”

“Kinda harsh,” Marinette took a deep breath, “But not inaccurate.”

“So what now? You were relieved at not telling Adrien you love him and you admitted to having feelings for Chat Noir. Where do we go from here?”

“I have no idea. I’ve rejected him enough as Ladybug I expect he’ll react harshly if I suddenly do a one eighty and tell him that I do like him and want to go on a date.”

“I think the best course of action is to not force yourself into any kind of relationship with either of them at this point.” Alya said, “You’re still in love with Adrien and these feelings for Chat Noir are new and confusing. You don’t need to choose one or the other right now or ever. Let yourself think things through more until you’re sure you know what you want to do.”

Marinette liked Alya’s idea. Trying to slot herself into a definite relationship with either boy would be a lot to handle right now. Especially since she doesn’t know how either of them would respond to a confession.

There was a tap on the trapdoor above her head and Marinette dropped her phone. Was it--who was she kidding? Of course it was Chat Noir. Who else would be knocking on her balcony door?

“I gotta go,” Marinette scrambled for her phone and hung up before opening the door. There was Chat Noir crouched down so he was less obvious to passersby. “Evening, kitty cat.”

“Hi, sorry to drop in like this again.” he smiled apologetically, “Is it okay if I come in?”

“Please do.” Marinette moved out of the way. “What brings you by?”

“We never got that video made for the Ladyblog to clear up the rumors about us.” Chat Noir said as he let himself into Marinette’s room. He seemed oddly comfortable here. It was a small but nice thought.

“Right,” Marinette picked up her phone. “Did you want to make that now? I can send it Alya and she’ll have it posted by the end of the night.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Chat Noir sat down on the settee. Marinette balanced her phone on the desk across from the settee and hit record. “Alya will edit this, right?”

“She will, don’t worry,” Marinette sat down next to him. “Do you want to start this time?”

“Sure,” Chat Noir turned to face the screen. Marinette tried to pay attention to what he was saying but all she could focus on was the press of his knee against hers. That strange warmth she felt yesterday as well as earlier today was back. Her insides turned to jell-o and her brain fogged up.

What a lovely profile he had.

“The one that will fall in love with you will be lucky too.”

She hadn’t expected the person that would have fallen in love with him may have been her. She may as well have said--

"I'm lucky to have fallen in love with you." Marinette breathed out in a whisper.

Chat Noir stopped dead to turn and look at her. “What--what did you say?” She could see the bright red blush of his cheeks peeking out from underneath his mask.

“I was--I--” She hadn’t meant to say it outloud! “Sorry, I was thinking about what you said earlier. That’s it. I wasn’t say that I--”

She clammed up, her heart beating hard in her chest.

Doki doki

Darn it Kagami! She showed her that manga and now it was all she could think of!

“Marinette, do you--”

“I don’t want to get devoured by zombie carnivorous plants!” Marinette blurted out.

“What?” Chat Noir’s face screwed up in confusion, “Have you been reading the Catastrophe Robinsons?”

“A friend of mine was reading it. How do you know it?”

“I may or may not have all twenty one volumes at home. It’s a weird manga but it’s a lot of fun.”

“Twenty one volumes? Really?”

“It’s a good story! Likeable characters, an original premise, good drama, fun comedy, and a well paced romance. Although that love triangle in the Haunted Noodle Shop Arc was kind of infuriating it gave the love interests that final push they needed to admit they were in love.”

Marinette started laughing. She doubled over, tears streaming down her face as she full on cackled.

“Uh Marinette?” Chat Noir placed a hand on her back, “Are you okay?”

“What is this manga?!” She said between gasps of laughter, “A haunted noodle shop? Zombie carnivorous plants? What’s next? A time traveling soda machine?”

“How did you know?” Chat Noir smirked. Marinette shoved his shoulder. “In all seriousness there is a time traveling photo booth at one point.”

“Oh my goodness,” Marinette shook her head. “I am going to have to read this at some point. I have to know. I just do. I need to see how coconuts this series gets.”

“I can bring you the first couple volumes if you want,” Chat offered, “I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts.”

For a while Marinette completely forgot why Chat Noir was originally there and about the phone that still sat recording them. It wasn’t until it got to be much later that they both realized they had completely forgotten the task at hand. Marinette stopped the recording and said goodbye to Chat Noir. He promised to come back tomorrow with the manga volumes and to record the video for real this time.

Marinette watched him leap away and placed a hand over her heart.

Doki doki

---

(Part 1) (Next)

#miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #glaciator 2 #marichat #marinette dupain cheng #chat noir #adrien agreste

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whencartoonsruletheworld · 3 years

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The Thrilling Saga of Connie paying real life money for the Worst Sonic TV Show

Let’s begin with the simple fact that me and my sister, @birdsareblooming “Cori”, have both been hyperfixating on Sonic the Hedgehog since last March. During this hyperfixation, I was on Sonic Wiki to copy-paste song lyrics onto my stolen mp3s, and I called my sister in and pointed at the template at the bottom.

“What is this Sonic Underground thing?” I asked. “It has one shit billion songs.”

So we clicked on the page to read about it, and each sentence we read was a punch in the gut and this quickly became the funniest thing we’d ever read. Highlights include:

It looks like this:

“Sonic[...] is known to be a prince”

Sonic has two siblings who actually have good characterization but their names are literally just Sonia and Manic. Like. Sonic split into two names. jesus christ

Also Sonic and his siblings all share a voice actor. honestly Jaleel White does his best with it but

“The three siblings possess enchanted medallions that transform not only into musical instruments, but also into weapons.”

“Some fans consider Sonia to be a clone of Amy Rose, minus the attraction Amy feels for Sonic.” YEAH I SURE HOPE IT DOES

“Manic is the most often captured of the siblings” himbo king

Knuckles shows up, and for the first, like, two sentences his description is very similar to the game, and then you get immediately pulverized by “He has a pet Dinosaur called Chomps.”

Literally so many sentences on Sonic Wiki are lowkey salty about this show. The page features lines such as “Sonic Underground bears little relation to the often complex Sonic universe (including previous animated series, as well as Sonic comics and games), and shares only three established characters” and “many of the characters in the Freedom Fighter group that were in Sonic the Hedgehog are completely left out (including Tails).”

“The show met with mostly negative reviews.”

*checks air dates* It only lasted two goddamn months

So after seeing this we thought it was the funniest thing and we showed our older sister, @patema-introverted “North.” To our surprise, our at the time “knew nothing about this sonic bullshit” sister recognized the show. Turns out she’d seen trailers for it as a child and that was her sole exposure to Sonic canon.

We were in quarantine at the time, so we ended up finding it on YouTube and binge-watching it all together as a sibling bonding activity. It was just as hilarious as we thought it would be- some stuff was legitimately good, like the sibling dialogue for instance, but good lord were the character designs ugly, the plot all over the place, and pretty much every song, um, not great. Also there was one episode that we skipped because it got, um, I think “stereotypical” is the nicest word I can use here.

But the point is, we had a jolly good time watching it, and afterwards we binged all the other Sonic shows and bonded as a family.

After quarantine, North and I go back to college. My roommate gets groceries at Walmart, while I get them elsewhere, so while she and North collect food I wander the DVD aisle to look at the cool movies and also dumpster-dive in the bargain bin for Cats (2019). I am also short as fuck, so the top shelf of movies I cannot see, I can only read the labels.

So one day I was browsing the DVDs, and glancing over at the labels for the top shelf. I read over the final one before the shelves end.

And then I stop, do a double take, and have a heart attack, because there is a label that reads “SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74″

I immediately climb the shelf but there aren’t any DVDs atop the shelf. However, the label is still there. I excitedly tell my sister and roommates, freak out with them a bit, and then give myself a mission statement:

I will buy the $4 Sonic Underground DVD from Walmart

I did not want it as a gift, I did not want to find it online. I wanted to walk into a store, pick up the Worst Sonic Show on DVD, walk it straight to the checkout, and in front of the cashier and God, pay for it with my own money. I did not care if it was the whole series or two episodes; I needed to do this for my own serotonin.

We would go to Walmart about once a week. Every time, I would go to the DVD aisle, and go right to the end of the shelves. I would stare at the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74 and empty space above it and wonder who the fuck was buying this other than me. I would occasionally ask employees if they had any copies in storage. I would build a shrine to Manic in my room. Okay, no I didn’t, but only because my RA would have murdered me.

Christmas break comes, and we have to go home. We have a nice Christmas, and Cori and I infodump at each other about how we would make Sonic Underground a good show (note: we’re both galaxy braining) and also play Bendy and the Ink Machine. Fun times.

When we finally get back to College, it’s late January- long story short we have a very long winter break. My roommate who gets food at Walmart got food without us the first week cause she showed up first, so we take her out to Walmart the first time in the year of our lord 2021 on January 29.

I wander the Valentine’s aisle, immediately grabbing a sequin puppy. I go to the DVDs and see Animaniacs Season One, also grab that.

And then.

There it is.

The Holy Grail.

Above the label SONIC UNDERGROUND $3.74, is one DVD left.

Already I am losing my mind. It’s roughly seven hours of episodes- I couldn’t find an episode list, but I think that’s half the show, for $4! And the cover is amazing.

That’s a png of Sonic from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) with a medallion badly photoshopped over it. The medallion is too small.

Manic is shoved into the corner. He doesn’t have his medallion at all.

Sonia isn’t even pictured on the front cover, probably because they realized she was the worst designed of the bunch. I’m not ragging on her though, because she’s still one of the better designed characters of the show. Those background characters make me cry

So you bet your ass I finally paid my hard-earned $4 for this shit. Upon getting home, I discovered that there was even wilder shit with this DVD than I thought.

For starters: the bonus features listed are as follows:

Original Concept Art - did not expect that these character designs were the final draft

Storyboard-to-screen - did not expect they bothered to storyboard this

Music Video Jukebox - that’s cute, they thought we liked the music

Interviews with original screenwriter & executive producer - I fully expect the only questions to be “why.”

On the left of this list are screenshots from the show, where people can finally see Sonia, who we Know™ is a girl because she is pink and has hair and also an actual body shape instead of just circles like her brothers.

But wait... what’s that in the lefthand corner?

That looks like some kind of robot. But it’s not a robot from Sonic Underground! That didn’t appear once. Why is it here?

The mystery continues upon opening the DVD case: inside are advertisements for other collections, including other Sonic DVDs: two volumes of Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (1993) and the final episodes of Sonic the Hedgehog “SatAM” (1993)

First of all, the first volume of AOSTH has the exact same PNG of Sonic as the Underground Volume 1. Not even trying to hide it. But second... the second volume of AOSTH also has this robot on its cover.

And THIS ROBOT IS ALSO DECORATING THE THIRD DISC IN THE SET?

So you may be asking, who is this robot? Is it from AOSTH or Underground?

IT’S FROM FUCKING SATAM. The one show that doesn’t have it decorating the DVD covers.

Also, not only is it from SatAM, it only appears in one fucking episode. Not a major character! AND IT HAS A DIFFERENT DESIGN ON THE PROMO ART, WITH HAIR AND FANGS.

Why is it showing up everywhere? What is going on?

I have not yet had the opportunity to watch this glorious piece of animation, but I am so glad at the confusion I have felt upon receiving it.

But before I go, I must share with you the best part of this DVD purchase. And it was flipping to the back, scanning the details, and discovering the exact runtime of the episode collection.

Guys, gals, and enby pals, friends and enemies, Nintendo and Sega, the first Volume of Sonic Underground has a runtime of...

420 MINUTES.

Maybe I’m wrong and this IS the best Sonic show.

#sonic underground #sonic the hedgehog #sonic 2020 #walmart #mine #connie writes #story time with tumblr

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liv-laugh-die · 3 years

Text

it's you. (is that weird?)

warning/s: um mention of spiders ig? think thats it

genre: um not necessarily what i consider angsty but its a bit fluffy

pairing: osamu x gn!reader

wc: 1.2k

a/n: idk how i wrote this so quickly nor how it turned out decent enough to post but here ig- also its gn!reader (they/them pronouns/not specified)!! i love friends to lovers sm ugh sorry if theres typos/grammar errors as well its not proofread!! <3

He's always just been your best friend.

Osamu, who gently pushes your face away with the tips of his fingers whenever you and Atsumu start teasing him.

Osamu, who always brings an extra sweater to school because he can't stand how often you nag about wanting to borrow his because it was warmer.

Osamu, who lets you steal part of his lunch without a second glance in your direction, like it's become some sort of routine between the two of you and he's used to it.

Osamu, who can't stand the noise of Atsumu chewing with his mouth open, and then drags you into the dilemma and makes you make his twin stop it by grabbing your wrist and pushing you in front of him as he plugs his ears.

Osamu, who always asks about the new stickers on your water bottle and listens to you while you tell the long story longer, director's cut edition, and doesn't complain at all even when Atsumu starts whining about how they're going to be late for volleyball practice.

Osamu, who even when he's annoyed with you, still ruffles your hair every time you do or say something stupid.

Osamu, who cooks for you every time you're over at his house, making sure there's never enough left for Atsumu, and helps you with your homework over dinner.

Osamu, who tries so hard to remember your schedule and all your classes so he can meet you outside each one and walk you to your next class with Atsumu trailing behind (the amount of times they've waited in front of the wrong classroom because neither one of them could remember which one it was happened to be too many to count–and yes, he does in fact blame Atsumu each time).

Osamu, who always texts you to make sure you finished the homework due the next day just before you pass out for the night, because even though he can't put his finger on the exact time, he just knows when you usually head to bed without thinking.

Start: [1:42AM]

O: finished yet or are you still procrastinating

YN: hilarious

YN: im finished

YN: why

YN: you need the answers lazy samu

O: no i did the work in class idiot

O: just checking

O: looking out for you like a good friend should

YN: since when did you become a good friend samu

O: hilarious

O: gn y/n

O: <3

YN: night

YN: <3

YN: and btw samu

YN: ty for looking out for me

YN: dunno what id do without you

O: no problem

O: could say the same bout you you know

YN: ik im amazing arent i

O: you spend too much time around tsumu

O: go to bed

(Psst... he can't stop staring at the heart you sent him, even if he sent his first.)

Finish: [1:51AM]

Osamu, who manages to ignore all of what Atsumu mumbles about you in his ear (all attempts to get a flustered rise out of him) just to make sure he could hear you rant about your day and latest hyperfixation.

Osamu, who smiles whenever you laugh, watching the way your shoulders and your entire body tense up a little before releasing it all with a noise that's just music to his ears.

Osamu, who notices how you can't ever stop moving when you're nervous, whether it's just a gentle tap of your fingers on your desk, or your foot against the floor, and always places his hand on your knee or your fingers just to calm you down along with a sincere gaze.

Osamu, who can't help but close his eyes and squeeze you tight every time you allow him to give you a hug. It's always worth even the annoying confused glances Atsumu gives him when he mentions that he never gives him hugs like that.

Osamu, who you've noticed every little detail about, but you're sure can't stand to see your face even though you're his best friend aside from Atsumu.

Osamu, who has taken note of every little thing about you, but is positive that you haven't ever thought of him in the way he thinks about you.

Osamu, who, even when he messages you, gets a little nervous every time those three dots pop up and dance on his screen as if challenging him to stick around to see what you have to say.

Start: [4:30PM]

O: oi

YN: what do you want now samu 🙄

O: rollin your eyes at me is rude you know

YN: what do you want i have extra homework since you and tsumu talked my ear off in class today >:p

O: we both know it was mostly tsumu

O: anyway

(He sighed, dragging a frustrated shaky hand through his hair. Why was this so hard?)

O: i just wanted to tell you something

YN: are you finally gonna tell me tsumu's big dark secret from before

YN: because i already know its that he's afraid of the dark

YN: big baby :p

O: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BABY

O: IM NOT AFRAID OF THE DARK YN YOUR A BABY FOR BEING AFRAID OF SPIDERS

YN: *you're

YN: welcome to the party tsumu

YN: AND YOU'RE AFRAID OF SPIDERS TOO TSUMU

YN: now go away i was trying to have a conversation with the better twin 🙄 you know that one that's prettier than you? give m his phone back you big baby

O: I AM NOT A BABY YN STOP IT

O: but you just called samu pretty huh

O: 👀

YN: did not

YN: dont know what you're talking about tsumu

YN: just said he was prettier than you

YN: which is true

YN: now give him his phone back id rather talk to him and not a baby >:P

(Osamu gets his phone back just a minute after Atsumu ran off with it.)

O: ...

O: sorry about that

YN: hi samu

O: ello

YN: so what were you going to say before tsumu interrupted

O: oh um

O: right

YN: :0 samu's stuttering through text- oh my god tsumu needs to record this i wanna see the blushing mess you are rn

O: i am not blushing

YN: uhuh sureeeee

YN: soooooo

YN: who is she

YN: or he

YN: or they

YN: WHO IS IT THAT YOU- THE EVER CALM SAMU- HAVE A CRUSH ON

O: i hate you

YN: me too bestie me too :3

YN: now tell me about this person

O: no

YN: SAMU COME ON

O: fine

O: so ig they're really stupid

YN: sounds like someone i know...

O: you literally surround yourself by idiots you haven't narrowed anything down

YN: fair point

YN: continue

O: they're really really adorable and every time i see em its just like the world stops spinning, i stop breathin and everything just pauses for some reason idk

O: everything they do makes me want to make sure i never lose em

O: i feel so stupid for keeping it to myself though

O: i dont know what i would even say to em if i had the guts to

YN: mind if i help?

O: sure

YN: just go for it samu! who knows, maybe theyll return the feelings and itll all go well

O: just tell them?

YN: yeah! lmk how it goes too, k?

(He takes a deep breath.)

O: k so like

O: i think im in love with you

(Saying it wasn't hard.)

O: does that- is that weird? im sorry

YN: tell them you idiot not me

O: but

O: it is you

* ੈ✩‧₊˚YN is typing . . .* ੈ✩‧₊˚

. . .

(This was the hard part. Waiting.)

Finished: [?]

He'd always just been your best friend.

But who was to say he couldn't be just a tad bit more?

the rest is up to you to decide...

any interactions: reblogs, replies, likes; anything and everything is appreciated!!

© liv-laugh-die 2021 - Don't copy or repost my work claiming it as your own, and please refrain from plagiarizing my works. Don't translate or post my writing on any other platform or site unless you have my approval and promise to give credit. I don't own the characters I write about unless stated seeing as I mostly write fanfic and inserts, and all my ideas and works are original unless otherwise stated with inspiration from some source. Thank you.

#i just think he's neat #osamu x reader #gn!reader #miya osamu #miya osamu x you #haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #hq x you #inarizaki x reader #hq x reader #yes i wrote this in like forty minutes which is much shorter than usual what about it #when motivation comes it comes go with the flow yknow

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zakthefiend · 3 years

Text

The Shadow of the Night

(Happy Birthday @pebster! I hope this adds to the celebration very well! Damn it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these hasn’t it? Life gets in the way, new hyperfixations, Tumblr constantly killing itself, same old and same old. Well I feel like I’ve written a lot from other sources so why not return to my first MMORPG with a bang! Tyrande VS Sylvanas! Night Warrior vs Banshee Queen! Personally I didn’t much care for the cinematic, looked nice but I’ve long since given up on Blizzard actually doing good with their characters. That aside, my personal thoughts on WoW deserves it’s own separate post and shouldn’t be here where I gift an old muse and friend of mine something she’s probably been wanting for a long time. So without further adieu, I hope you enjoy!)

Ciradel lunges forward with her moon blades ready, her Elven weapons focused on their mark and their serrated edges threatened to rend the Banshee’s neck wide open! Suddenly she feels a shadow over take her chest before a sudden force smashed into her chest and sent her hurdling back! Her back slams into the ground, the force shaking her to her very core as she tried to pull herself back up. The Warden could barely catch her breath from such an attack yet willed herself back on her feet. Her fellow wardens were trapped in the midst of battle with the Jailer’s forces, and only she could delay Sylvanas from completing her ritual at that moment.

“Damn it!” She curses, the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth quickly as she coughed some up in her helmet. Her hands rested over her chest and felt the overall damage. A cracked breastplate would explain why some of her ribs feel almost like dust now. Ciradel tried to regain focus, focusing on her stance again before drawing her moon blade again. Her breathing was ragged but as a Warden of Elune she must fulfill her duty before death!

Sylvanas simply took a glance at her before refocusing on the ritual once more, her attentions better spent on something far more important than Elune’s attack dog.

The Warden tried to move but found herself stumbling too much and ultimately fell to her knees. She tears off her helmet and coughs loudly while sucking in as much air as she could. Her hands gripped the grass beneath her and watched it slowly change colors from teal to black and grey. She felt the plants wither in her gauntlets and further inspection shows it all but ash in her hands. The sight of it, the smell of death that now permeated the air, it flashed images of her home before her eyes. The devastation brought on by the War of Thorn and the burning of Teldrassil ran before her very eyes. The faint screams and dying flames filling her minds and dulling her hearing before ultimately succumbing to the crushing weight of despair upon her shoulders.

“Poor lost soldier...” Sylvanas says, lowering herself to the ground and standing over Ciradel with a slight smirk on her face. “So hard you have fought for kin and nation, to stand for Elune only to watch her leave you to your fate. It reminds me so much of an old life I once had.”

Ciradel looks up, but not with a face of fear or intense grief, she stares up defiantly to Sylvanas. Tears running down her cheek as her blood stained teeth gritted as she stares into the Banshee Queen’s scarlet eyes. “I do not fear you, banshee! Kill me and raise my body if you wish, but my mind and soul belongs to the Kaldorei! I will not forsake my people as you have yours!”

That smirk faded, and a dark look overcame the Banshee’s face before drawing her bow. “Then die braver than most, Warden.”

Ciradel prepared for the arrow to make it’s mark, and muttered her prayers before feeling something yank her from her armor collar with such a sheer force of speed that she had thought it teleportation! She quickly gathers herself and the situation, seeing the Banshee Queen almost yards away from where she originally was only centimeters from here the arrow was pointed at her head!

Then, she saw her.

High Priestess of Elune: Tyrande Whisperwind.

The woman who brought back the Night Warriors to the Night Elves after their darkest hour, the one to have stood against Azshara when she sought to bring Sargeras to the world, and the woman who lead the Night Elves through the many wars and battles Azeroth has had over countless centuries. She stood over Ciradel, almost a towering presence now with the powers of the Night Warrior changed her appearance more now. A moon hovered above her head like a halo, as the markings she had received from her transformation now dazzled like stars upon a night sky, and runes of azure blue glowed across her arms and legs as she held her glaive in her other hand.

She let go of the warden, and gave it a wave and suddenly Ciradel felt her body completely healed of all it’s wounds! She looks up to Tyrande, whose black eyes stared at Sylvanas with a hatred rivaled only by Maev’s loathing of Illidan and of the Xaxa’s himself!

“Go.” She said to Ciradel, treating it less like a demand and more like something she was supposed to do, “Aid the others with repelling these deathless mongrels from these lands. Sylvanas is mine to rend justice upon.”

The Warden looked between the two, feeling these two near demigods were about to engage had her prepared to leave. She stood up quick and looked to Tyrande a final time. “Shaha lor’ma, Tyrande. Elune-Adore, an Andu-Falah-Dor!” Ciradel fled the scene to return to the other Wardens at the battle, leaving those two alone to their battle.

(Darnassian: ”Thank you, Tyrande. Elune be with you, and let the balance be restored!”)

______________________________________________________________

The tension in the air was thick enough to cut it with an axe, the two Elves who walked the path of vengeance were faced to face once more. Their previous fight back on Azeroth, where Tyrande had caught up to Sylvanas was interrupted and left unfinished until now. The peerless void filled eyes glared towards Sylvanas, returning the stare with a scowl as the memory of their last fight still burned in her mind.

“So. You found me once again. Did you wish for an award of some kind?” Sylvanas starts, opening her hands and closing them around twin shortswords of Quel’dorei design now warped to reflecting her darker attire now.

Tyrande took out her other Glaive from behind her, and did not hesitate with her answer. “Your head.”

Sylvanas nodded, removing her cloak and tossing it aside and shaked her head free of her cowl before smugly responding to her hunter: “Then come and try.”

Tyrande lunged forward, slamming her galives against Sylavanas’s blades and used her weight to swing the other blade at the banshee’s arm. Sylvanas quickly ducked beneath the swing and pulled her blades down with her and moved in to stab Tyrande in her gut but watched her swing herself out of the way for another slash to the Banshee Queen!

The two Elves were caught in a dance of blades and swords, each moving to a different tune and song of battle and war. Tyrande heard and felt the drums of the Kaldorei beat and boom as thunder inside her mind as she swung and spun herself with the weight of her blades and body against Sylvanas. The Banshee however felt the solemn sounds of a lute strummed and played louder and quicker within her, her parry’s and dodges and counters constantly keeping the other on their toes the entire fight. Neither dared to use their magic for this fight, as this was an almost ritualistic tradition that both Elven women of their races held close to their heart. With every swing that cuts the Banshee, the Priestess felt a stab to the exposed flesh of her armor. With every missed slash of the short swords came the near death experience of the magical glaives coming towards her neck. While the music within them played to different tones and themes, it was the same song that began to control their movements in an almost entranced way.

It ultimately ended when Sylvanas pierced Tyrande’s midsection with her blades, watching the woman drop her weapons from over her head to the ground. It was over.

Sylvanas won.

That is, until Tyrande gripped her fists together and swung a hammerfist across the Quel’dorei’s face! Sylvanas immediately stumbled backwards from the sheer force of the swing before forced to stop when Tyrande stomped her foot down on top of hers and swung a right hook across her face! She pulled her arms up to guard her face from the next punch, but felt an uppercut to her gut nearly shook her entire armor!

Sylvanas forced her foot free, and quickly side stepped the next punch and quickly backed away from the Night Elf to formulate a counter. Unfortunately Tyrande was on top of her the entire time and refused to give her a moment of rest. The next swing slammed into a tree and the bark practically exploded off from the force of the punch! Her knuckles bloodied from the swing, she gritted her teeth towards Sylvanas who used her new powers to bind Tyrande in shadowy chains long enough to catch her breath. In that moment, she realized that the Night Elf still had her swords firmly implanted into her gut! Before anything else could be discovered, a beam of light blasted down from the sky and blasted the Banshee onto the ground! She rolled onto her knees, snapping her fingers as the swords faded away and her bow was summoned into her hands. She quickly took pot shots at Tyrande, who now dashed to grab her Glaives from the ground. She was quick enough to dodge most of the arrows but felt one firmly implanted itself into her shoulder! She let out a quick groan before rolling for her weapons and quickly wielded them to block the next volley of arrows and slashed one in half before charging at her once more.

Sylvanas quickly realized the position she’d be in again if Tyrande was to close the gap again, and transformed into her banshee form to fly out of reach! Just as she turned to fire a shot at the Night Warrior, she saw Tyrande had blasted herself at Sylvanas with a mighty leap and slammed herself into the other Elf and the two came crashing back down to the ground below!

The air around them swirled with a blackish blue dust cloud, before it revealed Tyrande having impaled Sylvanas in her shoulders. Tyrande pinning her as the markings slowly faded, having expended much of her power to healing the stab wounds in her gut and that powerful leap. She kept herself over the Banshee by kneeling over her midrift. The Quel’dorei groaned in pain as she struggled to fight the Night Warrior off her body.

Tyrande leaned close to the pained expression of Sylvanas with a calm fury over her face, before speaking to her in a cold tone: “For Teldrassil, and Elune’s mercy be upon you.”

She pulled her glaive’s out from Sylvanas’s Shoulders, and impaled her in the chest with her weapons! The Banshee cried out, her hands trying to pull the blades out of her body while cutting her hands on the harsh steel of the blades. This pain forcing her to remember her final moments alive at the hands of Arthas all those years ago, forcing a boiling rage to swell within her at being reminded of such a hated memory. Her head rolled back as the pain shot through her body, her eyes burning with fury and pain as she looked back at the one who had done this to her.

In her eyes, she saw no joy nor satisfaction in this act. There was no pleasure in this act of vengeance. No glee or pride found in the Priestess’s eyes. Instead, she saw only pity. She almost saw a hint of regret behind her cold glare, as if she wished she didn’t have to end this life.

Sylvanas breathed heavily, her breathing ragged as she looked at the Night Warrior who kept the blades embedded into her body. She smirked up to the woman, feeling her blood escaping from her mouth.

“I... I suppose this is wh... where you take my head then? Well go on. Your trophy need only a swipe to claim. Ash karath, Tyrande Whisperwind.”

(Darnassian: “Do it, Tyrande Whisperwind.”)

Tyrande pulls a glaive out from her chest, and raised it over her shoulder. She looked down and took a deep breath, “Selama Ashal’anore.”

(Thalassian: “Justice for our people.”)

Just as she swung down, just before her blade could meet the banshee’s neck, she was interrupted by the Jailer’s minions and slammed off Sylvanas. She was pulled away, as the invading forces retreated and left Tyrande behind. She tossed her Glaive at them, but missed as they were too out of range for her. She watched them get further and further away, her breathing quickening as her anger soon boiled over, and she released a blood curdling scream as loud as she could that echoed across the realm!

Tyrande had won, but failed to finish off Sylvanas this time.

(Author’s note: I know, I know, I know, this is a shitty ending. Look we all want Tyrande to put down Sylvanas after all the shit that had happened between them. Hell, I’m hoping they duke it out and the cinematic gets the animation of Saurfang V Sylvanas! But for now, until we get to see where the story goes, she gotta stay alive. Still, I hope you still enjoyed this fic and hope you have a wonderful birthday Pebs.)

#pebster #pebe-art #pebsterino #Tyrande #Tyrande Whisperwind #Lady Sylvanas #Sylvanas #Sylvanas Windrunner #world of warcraft #WoW #Shadowlands #World of Warcraft Shadowlands #not my art #my writing #canon characters #Ciradel #not my character #zakthefiend

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dontcallmecarrie · 3 years

Text

tfw the plot bunny strikes and refuses to let go, here, continuation of this:

Loki was torn between chagrin and vague amusement, as he observed everyone else’s reactions to the two Justin Hammers in between herding everyone to one of the safehouses Victor von Doom had somehow managed to get ahold of in this strange world.

At first glance, Victor seemed to be the most unperturbed— but Loki knew him well enough to note the way his eyes had widened when he’d seen the two side by side, couldn’t help but catch the tiniest shift in the way he held himself and Loki would bet anything that if he were any sort of telepath, he’d be hearing nothing but an infernal screeching coming from his corner of the room.

Ivan Vanko wasn’t much better, but at least he’d elected to hyperfixate on cleaning up the loose ends they’d left in relation to their original mission: from his mutters, some of the security cameras’ footage had been trickier to access than not, and required even more effort to scrub. Loki gave it another five minutes before he was forced to look away from his computer and acknowledge the reality of the situation.

Meanwhile, the Winter Soldiers were an interesting study in contrasts; while Winter was extremely apologetic about the situation and had already apologized no less than five times, Soldat seemed to be content to look on in bemusement as the situation unraveled from there.

...which wasn’t very different from what Loki’s own counterpart was doing, actually, but at least Soldat wasn’t enjoying the chaos. Visibly, anyway, and Loki was getting a new appreciation for just how irritating that particular smirk looked on his own face. If they all weren’t so focused on calming the jumpier, more visibly frazzled-version of their leader, someone would’ve punched it off his face by now. As it was, though...

“Who the hell are you people?!” Justin Hammer whisper-shrieked, in between sharp gasps for air and eyes wide as he cowered away from his kidnappers. “And wh— wh—”

“He’s more high-strung than you are.” Someone muttered to the terrifying figure who had his face—

“Of course he is, he has no idea what’s going on and you guys kidnapped him,” his mirror image replied with a flat look, before turning to face him looking vaguely embarrassed. “Look, Hammer— can I call you Hammer? Wait, no, you can be Justin, I’ll go by Hammer and man this is weird— I can explain. Just. Sit down and take a breather, because it’s, uh, a bit of a long story.”

Justin would’ve thought an explanation would leave him with more answers than questions.

He was sorely mistaken.

The headache he had now wasn’t much of an improvement from before.

“So, let me get this straight: you,” Justin jabbed a finger at the dude with the dark grey mask which was just about the only thing differentiating him from his twin, “grabbed me because you mistook me for him—”

“Sorry about that, by the w—”

“—and you’re all from some other dimension and pissed off goodness knows how many organizations trying to figure out how to get home,” Justin steamrollered on, closing his eyes in an effort to take things one step at a time because he was trying not to feel overwhelmed but these guys weren’t making it easy, “is that right?”

“Well...”

“I mean...”

“Yeah.” Ivan— not the bastard responsible for his being in Seagate, another version of him who apparently didn’t actively try and screw people over— replied, and Justin opened his eyes just in time to catch the tail end of his shrug. “That about sums it up.”

“Okay.” Justin nodded to himself. “Why?”

“Why what? You’re going to need to be more specific, here, I’m not a mind reader.”

“How’d you even get here? Or do you weirdos just go dimension-hopping for fun on a Friday night?”

“You’re not the only one wondering that.” The alien god said airily, toying with a— that was a knife, okay, Justin already knew he was in way over his head, he didn’t need the reminder, thanks. Where did it even come from, anyway? “I would really like to know that as well, Ivan.”

“Oh, nah, this was a freak accident.” Ivan snorted, then gave them all a smirk that gave Justin goosebumps for a second. “As for why...look at it this way: this was weird and stressful for us, and from the start you guys knew what was going on and have me to figure out how to get us back. Now imagine if it’d been the Avengers.”

The silent, broody one— Victor, was it?— made a noise of realization. “That is diabolical. I love it.”

“I know, I was trying to figure out how to temper it when this happened. The ray gun was supposed to be temporary, I’m not sure what happened but the end goal’s a duration of twenty-four hours. Sorry you guys got caught up in the beta, by the way.”

“We are going to be having words about proper lab safety protocols when we get home, Ivan.” Victor said darkly, and something in his voice that had six out of the seven other people in the room freezing for a second.

Justin couldn’t help but notice his...twin was not part of that number.

But first, because this was something he’d been wondering ever since he’d heard of how this ‘Cabal’ operated—

“Why are you going to this effort?”Justin asked.

“Oh, boy, here we go again,” the guy calling himself ‘Winter’ muttered, but before he do more than start to turn to him in confusion, Ivan spoke.

“Because death is too simple.” He said, not looking away from the computer he’d pulled out. “Because any rando with a gun could do that, if they wanted. No, if I’ve got a beef with someone, I want them to suffer. I want them to regret ever having pissed me off, to curse my name every time they step on a Lego and realize who put it there, to—”

“Yes, I know, we get it.” One of the alien gods cut in. The one who didn’t look like shit, and had a long-suffering look on his face partway into Ivan’s spiel. “If I had a penny for every time you go on that rant...”

“Says the guy who uses my ideas to become the official nemesis of the Avengers.” Ivan shot back, unamused, and the way Winter sighed and Victor pinched the bridge of his nose told him this was a recurring argument.

“Guys,” Justin’s...twin cut in, and Justin couldn’t help but feel something in the pit of his stomach clench as he noticed the way everyone from his dimension came to attention. “If we could focus on getting home?”

“I know, I know, I’m on it.” Ivan muttered, turning back to his computer. “Trying to throw SHIELD off our trail’s easier here, but it’s still not exactly a cakewalk.”

“Okay. What can we do in the meantime?”

The more Justin saw of this ‘Cabal’, of Hammer and the others, the more uncomfortable he felt.

Because the more time passed, the more it felt like...he was seeing a better version of himself.

How long had he tried to get people to respect him? How many classes on public speaking and marketing had he taken, how many books had he read in an effort to build his charisma, to be remembered as something other than the cheap knockoff of Tony Stark?

And now...

Justin watched as someone wearing his face walked around, and he was quiet, and fairly introverted, but something about him demanded respect, commanded all the attention in the room when he talked, and... Justin wanted that.

Of course, Justin’s...twin noticed.

For some reason, the look of sympathy he got felt even worse than the first time he’d donned prisoner’s uniform in Seagate.

Not to mention the conversation they had, when Justin was ushered into a quiet corner near the safehouse’s kitchen as they had tea.

It was. A talk.

Not a great one.

Not that there really could’ve been, considering, but.

“I am not you, you are not me, and that’s a good thing.”

Justin didn’t know what he was expecting, really.

Another version of himself, forcing him to acknowledge things he’d thought he’d gotten over— how was he supposed to handle it?

“You were set up for failure from the start, you know. No child should ever have to carry some of the burdens you grew up with.”

Just.

Someone who understood, and how was he supposed to deal?

“You cannot change the past, but you can control your own actions in the future. What do you want to do, who do you want to become? What makes you, you?”

Justin had thought he’d felt tired when he’d finally been brought into the mess these guys were part of, but now his exhaustion felt soul-deep and he didn’t know when he’d started crying but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t stop—

Mercifully, the others left him alone for the rest of the day.

He... needed to think.

Justin wasn’t the only one having a hard time, he knew: he’d noticed the way Soldat followed Winter around, trying to mimic his self-confidence, and the Loki of this world looked at the easy camaraderie his counterpart had with a hunger that would’ve made Justin very nervous if that expression were aimed at him.

Something dark and feral, all jagged edges and brittle smiles and it shouldn’t have resonated nearly as much as it did but—

It made for a good conversation starter, if nothing else. Something relatable to bond over tea, because Victor was a monster who had an irrational disdain for coffee and Justin needed his caffeine fix if he wanted to keep what was left of his sanity.

Justin didn’t know what he brought to the table. Not compared to whatever his twin did, anyway, and he didn’t want to go that route either because he wanted to be himself.

Even if he wasn’t certain what that looked like, anyway, not after decades of chasing after Tony Stark’s shadow, but...

He’d find out. Somehow.

“Hey! Guys, I figured it out!” Ivan’s excited cheer woke everyone up early one morning. “Just gotta get my hands on some materials, but we can go home soon!”

#No Hero [Downward Descending]#schrodinger's canon #My writing

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ivorysoapshavings · 3 years

Text

So…… my hyperfixation on HxH is back and stronger than ever so I wrote this

TW: Hanahaki mentions of blood and corpses alcohol and minor cursing

Kurapika finally took the time to open his phone after a few months, he opened it to find eight voicemails and over twenty missed calls. He clicked on the voicemails and played the first one that was sent almost two months after Gon, Killua, Leorio, and him first split up.

~The other night dear as I lay sleeping I dreamed I held you in my arms~

“Hey, Kurapika it’s Leorio, I just wanted to check up on you; you’ve seemed pretty busy lately hope you’re not overworking yourself. Anyway things aren’t too interesting here at medical school but I do have a few big tests I need to study for,” there was a pause for a long sigh, “guess I should get to doing that huh? Well, call me back when you get the chance. It's been a while,” there was a small pause before the line went dead.

~But when I awoke dear I was mistaken so I hung my head and cried~

“Hey, Kurapika, it's Leorio, just wanted to check up with you and see how you’re doing. Oh! something hilarious happened I think would have amused you. So me Gon and Killua were eating lunch together and Gon tried to do his impression of you and Killua was taking a drink at the same time, and Killua laughed so hard water came out of his nose,” There was a small chuckle at the other end of the phone, “you know they miss you too,” silence for a couple of seconds, “welp, you know my number call me back when you get the chance,”

~You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey~

“Hey, kurapika, it’s me again. Listen I know you’re probably just busy with your job and all but I can’t help but be a little worried. You’re not injured are you? You don’t even have to call, just send a message of something, anything,” there was a sharp inhale and a light sigh, “Well bye then,”

~You’ll never know dear how much I love you please don't take my sunshine away~

“Hey Kurapika it's Gon! I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I can tell Leorio is kinda worried about you. We’re also been doing a lot of things. Nothing dangerous of course!” Gon paused to nervously chuckle, “It's been fun though I wish you could be here with us. That would make it even more fun! Leorio said he told you about Killua spewing water out of his nose that was really funny but what I bet he didn’t tell you was that he choked on his food and almost fell out of his chair too,” There was a pause and some chittering in the background, “Welp, we gotta go hopefully you’ll call us soon but call Leorio first he really wants to hear from you,” there were a few crashing noises and someone yelled Leorios name then the line went dead.

~I’ll always love you and make you happy if you will only say the same~

“ Kurapika, it’s Killua you better call us back soon or I’m gonna -,” Killua was cut off by someone. Then came a lot of muffled yelling and a loud crash. “Got it ,” Gon yelled triumphantly, clearly having wrestled the phone from Killua’s hands “Sorry about that Kurapika. Killua just misses you too he just has an awful way of expressing it” Another crash and the line going dead.

~But if you leave me and love another you’ll regret it all some day~

“Hey Pika, It’s gotten boring here again. Gon and Killua ran off to god knows where, no heads up just left. I just really hope they stay safe, they’re always getting into the most trouble,” Leorio let out a small chuckle, something about his voice sounded different more weak “I really worry for them sometimes they’re just so young yet they’ve been through so much,” he paused letting out a sigh, “Ugh, I sound like a dad. Anyway hope you’re staying safe kicking ass out there. I really hope you’re at least listening to these and not just deleting them. But stay safe don’t overwork yourself, miss you,”

~You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey~

Kurapika noticed something strange as he was going to click on the next voicemail. They were usually sent two to three weeks apart from each other but this one was sent almost a month and a half after the last one. He brushed it off thinking Leorio was just busy, until he opened it.

~You’ll never know dear how much I love you please don't take my sunshine away~

“Hey Kurapika it’s Gon again, we just met up with Leorio again and he’s --,”

“Gon! He didn’t want us to tell,” Killua yelled interrupting him

“I know but it’s gotten worse and-,”

“We can ask him again when he wakes up! But its not out place to tell,”

“I know!” Gon yelled exasperated, “but what if we tell him and it’s to late,”

“That won't happen, so give me this an-,” the voicemail cut off there

~You told me once dear you really loved me and no one else could come between~

Kurapika sat in confusion at the voicemail ‘What did they mean it was getting worse? Was there something wrong with leorio? Why didn’t he want to tell me? Is it something bad? Deadly?’ Kurapika wondered to himself as he stood up and started to pace the room with worry. He needed answers so he clicked on the next voicemail which he noticed was also almost a month apart from the last one. About a week ago.

~But not you’ve left me and love another you’ll regret it all some day you have shattered all of my dreams~

“Here, you have to tell him,” It was Killua’s voice, “Or I'm gonna tell,”

“I can’t,” It was Leorio this time but his voice sounded even more different from his last message. It was less preppy and loud and more horse and mellow, “I don’t want him to worry about me. He’s probably doing something important and it’s not like hes gonna listen to this anyway,” Killua let out an angry huff

“Fine than, Kurapika hey it’s killua you better get your ass over here because-,”

“Wait! Killua I’ll tell him just give me the phone,” there were a few shuffling noises and then Leorio started speaking again, “Hey Pika you probably won't get this but I’ve got Hanahaki and it’s you I love you,”

~you are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are gray~

Kurapika stopped pacing and dropped his phone in shock ‘Hanahaki’ ‘it’s you’ ‘I love you’ he was trying to make sense of it all Leorio loved him Leorio had Hanahaki because of him.

“How? How! God damn it!” he yelled to no one. He grabbed his phone off the floor and ran outside. Kurapika had run a couple of blocks before it hit him, he had no idea where to go. He knew they were in the same city but where? So he stopped and dialed Killuas number. It seemed like days as he waited for someone anyone to pick up the phone he gasped out of relief when someone did answer

“Kurapika yo-,” Gon had answered the phone he sounded like he was crying

“Just tell me where you are,” and after Gon had finished telling him the address Kurapika immediately hung up and started running again.

~you‘ll never know dear how much I love you please don't take my sunshine away~

“YOU’RE TOO LATE. YOU’RE TO LATE KURAPIKA. HE’S DEAD HE JUST FUCKING DIED,” Gon shouted furious as kurapika bolted through the door of their hotel room, when he saw what was infront of him he froze in shock from the sunflower petals scattered along the floor, Leorio dead in Killua’s arms, Gon swearing at him, “THIS. ALL. COULD. HAVE. BEEN. AVOIDED. IF YOU PICKED UP. THE FUCKING PHONE. FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE,” Gon kept shouting, shoving Kurapika in between each phrase. Kurapika just let it happen because he knew it was his fault Gon was right.

“Gon stop,” Killua said monotone, now behind Gon holding him back from shoving Kurapika even more. Gon didn’t even fight him; he just turned around and crumpled into Killua’s arms. “Kurapika say something please,” Killua begged. After Kurapika stayed silent and didn’t answer, Killua got up from under Gon and stood in front of Kurapika and slapped him across the face. This snapped something inside Kurapika and he fell down to his knees and started sobbing

“I killed him… I killed him.. I killed him I killed him I killed him I killed him,” Kurapika chanted, getting louder each time he uttered the phrase. He turned and looked at Leorio on the floor lifeless, blood stains all up his front, covered in petals, “I killed him,”

~In all my dreams dear you seem to leave me when I awake my poor heart pains~

The funeral came and It was Kurapika’s turn to come up and say his final farewell to Leorio. As he stepped up to the casket he saw Leorio pale and lifeless, no amount of makeup being able to make him look alive again. He was also wearing that stupid suit he always wore but now that he was seeing it for what was probably the last time it wasn’t really stupid. His casket was also scattered with sunflower petals which stared at Kurapika mocking him for not being there when his friends needed him most, for being so selfish and such a workaholic. He stepped down from his place in front of the casket and left the building not bothering to stay for the rest of the service. He didn’t think he could face Leorio’s family or Gon and Killua after being the reason that Leorio died. So he made his way back to the hotel room.

~So when you come back and make me happy I’ll forgive you dear I’ll take all the blame~

It had been a few hours since Kurapika left the funeral which meant it had probably ended by now. All he had done was sit there and think and ask questions that could now never be answered. After a few more minutes passed the door to the Hotel room opened, and Gon and Killua walked in.

“Oh you’re here,” Killua said, slightly annoyed.

“Kill stop now is not the time to be fighting,” Gon practically whispered, his voice being hoarse from crying.

“No! You had your chance to yell at him earlier, now it's my turn,” Killua retorted, slightly raising his voice.

“Listen Killua, I know it’s my fault. I’ll just leave,” Kurapika mumbled, getting up from his position on the floor.

“No! Do you know how much pain he was in? How much blood and flower petals he coughed up? We were the ones to keep him company and comfortable.

We were the ones who had to watch him slowly die as we desperately tried to contact you. We had to make him tell you about the disease because he didn’t want to worry you in case you were doing something important. And you didn’t even show up until weeks after we told you about it. And after all that you don’t even stay for his funeral ,” Killua was flushed and slightly out of breath after yelling and Kurapika stood in front of him, eyes now a beautiful yet frightening scarlet color.

“You know what? No. I don’t know how much pain he was in nor how much blood and petals he coughed up. And I know I should have been there when he needed me, how none of this would have happened if I had picked up the stupid fucking phone sooner, and I couldn’t stand being at the funeral because how could I ever face his family knowing I’m the reason he died,”

“Guys can we please stop this,” Gon begged from the sidelines, desperately tugging on Killua's hand. Killua just shook him off and stepped closer to Kurapika.

“Yeah because you’re a fucking coward , and it’s not like being here would’ve changed anything you probably didn’t even love him back,” this is what made Kurapika snap.

“How do you know what I feel, Killua Zoldyck! How? How would you ever know how I feel when you’re just an emotionless assassin,” Killua gave a sharp inhale

“Yeah, well because of your cowardice everyone you loved is dead, Leorio, your clan -,” before Killua could finish Gon stomped his foot on the ground cracking the ground underneath them.

“Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! You guys are arguing like a bunch of babies and there's no point in insulting each other, it's not gonna bring Leorio back. So just.. Stop it!” Killua just huffed angrily and toed at the ground not looking at either of the two boys in the room. Kurapika just brushed past the two boys towards the door knocking into Killua on his way.

~You are my sunshine my only sunshine you make me happy when skies are grey~

After Kurapika left the hotel room he wanted to find a way to distract him to relieve him of his hurt and stress and fast. So he found the nearest bar.

“Hey kid, aren't you a little young to be in here,” The man behind the bar asked Kurapika. In response all he did was place his hunter license on the bar and said

“something strong,” The bartender grunted in response and went to mix a few things together before pouring it in a cup and sliding it to Kurapika.

“You look like shit,” The bartender told Kurapika after what was probably his fifth drink.

“Yeah? Well, I just killed someone I loved,” Kurapika managed to slur out. The bartender just raised his eyebrows in question, “Hanahaki disease. You know the one where you spit up flowers? All because I couldn’t be bothered to pick up the fucking phone.” And without another he stood up, shoved his hunters license in his pocket, slammed the rest of his drink down and walked out of the bar. Now that he had nowhere to go, no one to return to, he was bound to endlessly wander till he couldn’t wander any longer.

~you’ll never know dear how much I love you please don’t take my sunshine away~

#hxh #hunter x hunter #leorio paladiknight #kurapika #gon freaks #killua zoldyck #hanahaki #hxh angst #leorio x kurapika #leopika

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shadowthestoryteller · 3 years

Text

TL:DR Of this post.

Please don’t send me anything to do with the bad batch show until it ends. My mental health is at worryingly low levels because of it and I have to avoid everything about it to avoid panic attacks.

Clone wars era bad batch stuff is perfectly fine, or “o66 never happened AUS” are fine too, but please dont send me stuff on the show.

Now, for the longer explanation.

So I’m sure y’all noticed I haven’t been active recently. A it’s because I’m not around my computer much this week. B...

Well I’m admittedly taking a new Med for insomnia and it’s got me feeling a bit funky since it’s really starting to kick in. But more than that...

The Bad Batch show has my mental health at a... worryingly low level. It’s bad, dangerous even, and has been bad ever since I had a stress attack back in May when the show premiered which led to almost three weeks where I could count on one hand the number of times I got more than three hours of sleep a night. I don’t think I’ve really been myself since the show aired. It’s almost like my brain won’t register reality vs fiction. Things don’t feel real anymore (partially due to the pandemic most likely). I’m not at a level where you need to worry for my life or physical well-being but... mentally I’m not good. At all. And haven’t been for quite a while.

During quarantine, I latched onto the original four of the Bad Batch to keep me sane. They quickly became my comfort characters, and whenever I was feeling down I watched their arc. Then my fic started and I invested all of my energy into the fic to stay sane. So much so that I wrote a 60k word story from April to July. Then the show was confirmed. I was so happy to see all of the boys together causing havoc.

Well... we all know what happened.

Suddenly my one true source of comfort was only a stressor. An endless well of anxiety and worry and depression and uncertainty. The one thing I had to stabilize myself was suddenly yanked away from me and I’ve been in a free fall decent ever since. I have nothing to steady myself in a world where literally nothing is certain anymore and America is in a political upheaval on top of everything else.

Y’all may have noticed how many fic chapters, and how many long fic chapters (5000+ words) I’ve been putting out recently. My fic is still a distraction. Theres no uncertainty for me. I know what’s coming. I know how it happens. I know what comes after. There’s hurt and pain, yes, but there’s a happy ending waiting for me.

I can’t see that with the bad batch. There is ZERO hope in me for happiness from this show anymore. I’ve lost my one true stabilizer, and have been scrambling to find a backup. Kinda like jumping out of a plane and trying to grab the parachute on the way down. While the flaming wreckage follows close behind. My original stories, old fandoms, new fandoms... and none of it works like it should.

I’m just not ok anymore, I’m giving up pretending that I am. I’m in agony and suffering 24/7 it seems. All because of this damn show. It’s a problem l, and addiction even, but it’s hard getting out of a pit when you have nothing to pull yourself out with.

I can’t take breaks, because if I do all that pain and worry will slam into me. I’m working myself to death but if I stop then it all comes back. I can’t take quiet time to myself, I can’t be idle. Because that’s when the danger levels start to rise.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. This post isn’t to garner sympathy just...

I’m not ok, and I want anyone else in this same hell to know you aren’t alone.

And to anyone who plans to say “it’s just a show”, kindly fuck off. Logically I know it is. But my brain is not registering that fact, and the emotions I feel certainly aren’t fake. One thing about hyperfixations, your brain will literally start to have a hard time telling the difference between reality vs fiction. My brain doesn’t register a character in trouble, it registers a close friend or family member in trouble. So, again, don’t say “it’s just a show shadow”. Because, unfortunately, it isn’t just a show to me. Even though I wish it was.

#tw medicine #tw mental instability #tw insomnia #tw possible addiction #tw pandemic #tw self harm mention #tw depersonalization #tw dissociation #long post #im just not ok guys #bad batch show

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melodiesofblueroses · 3 years

Text

𝘙𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦 𝘔𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴

→ 𝘓𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

𝘚𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺: Levi has been messing up on the latest choreo a bit too much lately, and his manager is starting to get worried about him.

𝘎𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦: Fluff

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: ~3.2k

𝘏𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘴 𝘶𝘱: f!reader , idol au

“alright, take five.” at the mention of those words, the seven demon brothers all collapsed onto the studio floor, thankful to finally have a small break. they had been practicing for weeks now on their new dance routine, and although they weren’t perfectly in sync yet, they were getting much better with each passing day. all seven of them couldn’t wait for their next comeback; they wanted everything to be perfect. not only were they given creative freedom for this album, but they even got to direct the mv! the whole group was stoked to say the least.

“we’re so close!” mammon shouted as he lay sprawled across the hardwood floor. “just a little more practice and we’ll be ready.” the others couldn’t help but nod in agreement. the album release date was so close, they could practically taste it. although the date was scheduled for a few months time, they all knew that if they worked harder, there was a huge possibility that it’d be moved up. the entire album was all finished and ready by now, the only thing left to do was memorize the choreography and film the mv. it was all so exciting.“but levi! ya gotta stop messing up at every take.”

“h-hey, i’m not messing up!” the third eldest retorted in between his heavy breathes. though he tried his best to defend himself, levi saw how all the others nodded in agreement at mammon’s statement. the only thing that did was make him feel worse about himself, which wasn’t ideal for someone who already had a hard time believing in their worth. “sure i may be a little out of sync with the rest of you guys, but that’ll be fixed soon. i just need more practice.”

“levi, it’s been weeks now, and the problem still hasn’t gone away,” satan added, recieving a glare and a punch from levi who sat right next to him. he couldn’t help but chuckle at levi’s angry face. satan may be younger than him, but it was still so fun to mess with levi. his flustered reaction was much too priceless. “we all want you to perform with us, but you keep dragging the entire team down.”

“pfft, harsh much,” belphegor snickered as he took sips of water.

“wait, what do you mean dragging the group down?!” needless to say, levi was quite red in the face right now due to both anger from his brothers’ hateful remarks and embarrassment from being called out. everything was welling up inside of him, and levi couldn’t help but explode at them. he’s had enough of their rude comments the past few weeks. “i’m a member of nageki as much as any of you are. without me, it wouldn’t even be nageki!”

“yeah, that’s true but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be included in the mv you know.” satan smirked at his ‘gotcha’ comment, enjoying the fact that levi was taken aback by his remark. ah, it was so fun to make levi so flustered. “if you don’t get better soon, then we can always exclude you from this particular comeback.”

“y-you can’t do that! can you…” although he mumbled out the last part, satan couldn’t help but overhear it due to their proximity. all satan did was grin in response, which made levi’s heart shatter. sure, levi wasn’t the best member on the team for either choreography or singing, but hearing his brothers want to drop him so quick did numbers on his self-esteem. he already didn’t think of himself too highly, but now that he knew that his brothers didn’t think of him as a valuable member of the group, well, levi felt like crying more or less. was he really that useless that even his brothers don’t want him in the group? choreography was the bit that he enjoyed the most too, so hearing them drag him for it made him lose faith in himself. he wasn’t even good at the part he most enjoyed.

“satan, that’s enough,” nageki’s leader and the eldest brother, lucifer, demanded. his tone was sharp and cold, enough to make everyone in the room shut up and listen to him. it was quite difficult to imagine that he had so many fans pining after him, especially since he was so cruel and heartless (at least in the brothers’ eyes). “and levi, satan and mammon do have a point. your dance moves are getting lazy, and you can’t even seem to keep up the same pace as us. as much as we really don’t want to exclude you, if this keeps up, then we’ll have no choice.” the way he said that last part so nonchalantly angered levi the most. even though lucifer said that they would all be deeply saddened to drop levi, it surely did not show on his face. it almost felt as if he was mocking levi in a way.

levi was way too depressed now to even say anything. the least he could do was just angrily stare at lucifer and hope that it was enough to burn holes in the back of his head. maybe creating this idol group with his brothers was a mistake. they surely didn’t seem to appreciate the effort he put into this group anyway. levi spent countless hours alone trying to perfect his singing for that one line or trying his best to improve his dancing; he poured his blood, sweat, and tears into the group, yet no one appreciated it. they all ignored his efforts and hyperfixated on the one time he made a mistake.

“alright guys, quit it.” at the sound of their manager’s voice, the whole group turned around only to be met with y/n’s disappointed glare. it shook them to the core and frightened them more than any of lucifer’s gazes could. she was quite the menace after all, not to mention that she made most of the decisions for them. “i leave for two minutes to talk with the choreographer, and all of you are at each other’s throats and dogpiling on one another. you seven are a group, and above all, you’re all brothers, so act like it.” the anger in her voice was quite prevalent, and no one had the guts to respond and say a word to her. even lucifer dared not to say anything to her. “i think the stuffy atmosphere of this studio is getting to you,” she sighed, her tone much more soft this time around. “go out for lunch or something, but come back in an hour.”

“you’re such a saint, manager,” mammon cried out, getting up from the floor and stretching before grabbing his coat from the rack. “how about we all go down ta’ the closest burger joint? lucifer’s treat.” needless to say, he quickly retracted that last statement once he felt lucifer’s deathly glare on him.

“that sounds great,” beel muttered, holding his stomach while seemingly daydreaming about all sorts of food. “i’m starving.”

“go out and have some fresh air, except for levi, i need to talk to you.” at the mention of his name, levi whipped around and stared at his manager, becoming even more red at the embarrassment of being called out by her. all his brothers couldn’t help but ‘ooo’ at this statement, which only embarrassed him even further.

“you’re in trouble~” asmo sang, though all that did was receive a glare from levi and a punch on his shoulder from lucifer who made it quite clear to quit teasing the third eldest. it wasn’t like levi was necessarily mad at asmo for that statement since he knew it was the truth. asmo just didn’t have to rub it in like that!

one by one, all the other brothers existed the room, giving levi a few sympathetic looks since they knew he was in for it now. as much as they adored their manager, none of them truly wanted to get on her bad side. y/n was sweet and kind and caring as one can see by how she wants only the best for the group. she had no problem standing up to any haters or other companies that dared to sully nageki’s name and reputation, and at times, she couldn’t help but dote on the brothers. everyone in the group truly loved her, but when she got mad, oh, she got mad alright. it’s not like they didn’t understand, however. they knew that the idol industry was cutthroat, and y/n was simply looking out for them and wanted them to succeed in such a toxic and stressful industry. the brothers did need a few lessons here and there after all. they were all brothers, conflicts were sure to arise.

levi was quite embarrassed at the entire situation and a bit tierrifed. for one, y/n was the manager, and she had the say in quite a few decisions. if she wanted levi out of this comeback, then she would have him removed promptly. and just the thought of that made levi shudder. he could take insults from his brothers no problem. sure, they may sting a bit and lower his already rock bottom self confidence, but they were just his brothers. he has lived with them for so long; levi was quite used to such comments by now.

but y/n.

y/n could make or break his entire career. i mean, he knew that she would never go that far since she practically had a heart of gold, but levi didn’t think that he’d be able to handle it if his crush told him that he was messing up the entire group. her words alone would either give him motivation to continue on or give up on becoming an idol entirely. levi felt as if she knew him better than he knew himself.

and that was another thing: levi had a crush on his manager. he knew that it was unprofessional; he knew that it was most likely never going to happen, but levi couldn’t help but fall for her. she always was there for him. whether he phoned her at two in the morning for her to come watch him dance or came to her with issues he was having with his brothers, y/n never failed to let him down. she always stuck by his side and helped him resolve each and every problem, no matter how small and inconsequential they were. y/n wanted the best for him and would do whatever it took to make him happy. and levi had never had someone like that before, someone to care for and cherish him as if he meant the world to them. it felt nice to say the least. so to be in the room, all alone, with his crush who could easily make him cry, well, levi was of course rather nervous.

“alright levi, what gives?” she sighed, helping levi up from his spot on the floor. y/n quickly took note of the way he winced when he stood up with his left leg, though she brushed it aside for now. surely it was merely sore from the intense practice session they just had. “i know that you’re a great dancer and all, but you seem to be messing up this time around. is something bothering you? you know, you can tell me anything.” gah, the way she softly smiled at the end attacked his heart. she was too dangerous for his heart and wellbeing.

“i-i’m fine,” levi stuttered, too nervous to be standing so close to his crush. “it’s just that this choreography is a bit more difficult, so um, yeah. it’ll take me a bit longer to get used to, but i promise i’ll get better!” he tried his best to defend himself, but levi couldn’t help but mentally curse himself for admitting that the choreo was difficult. what would she think of him now? that he was an incompetent fool not cut out for being an idol? he’d have to try his best to backtrack.

“hm, really? i personally thought that the choreo for the last comeback was much harder…”

“a-ah, yeah…” crap, levi had forgotten about that. last comeback was way harder than this current one, that was basically a fact. it took all seven of them weeks to perfect it, and even then, all of them thought that it wasn’t the best that they could do. it was sufficient, sure, but it wasn’t the best, and all of them couldn’t help but hate their last mv because of that. to them, it was a sign that they were becoming much more lazy and incompetent, so they all vowed to become much stronger dancers. well, that was coming along swell for levi.

“levi,” y/n started, taking his hands in hers which surely made him short circuit. this surprise skin-to-skin contact made levi so flustered. why didn’t she give him a warning beforehand? was she trying to kill him? maybe this was her plan all along, to weaken him by her warm touch before informing him that he wouldn’t make this comeback. he wouldn’t succumb to such normie tactics! then again, her hands were so soft and warm. levi never wanted to let them go. they made him feel safe, and besides, it made him imagine what the two of them would be like as a couple. they’d be adorable together, no doubt about that. then he could hold hands with her everyday. oh, it would be such a dream come true. amidst his romantic daydreams, levi had forgotten about the fact that y/n was indeed talking with him right now. it didn’t register until he heard her voice again, to which he finally snapped out of his thoughts and focused on her. “please be honest with me, i promise i mean no harm. what’s going on? i would never take you out of this comeback, you know that. don’t listen to your brothers, ok?”

“...ok.” it was as if she read all of his thoughts. embarrassing. levi fidgeted with her hands, caressing them and memorizing every single aspect of her skin before he gave his answer. her touch comforted him, needless to say. she was right; levi knew that she would never take him out of the group, even for one mv. of course she was right, y/n was his manager after all. y/n was always by his side and solved every single problem that came his way, so why shouldn’t she solve this one? taking in a deep breath, levi attempted to calm himself before he said his answer. y/n would always take him seriously. “it’s that, well...i’m excited for zaramela’s concert tonight!!”

...

“...a-ah, i see…”

well, there was that awkward silence that levi had feared would happen. maybe if he continued to explain himself, then y/n would see his point of view. yeah, that should work! “you see, this is my first time going to one of her concerts, and i’m so pumped!! i’ve never seen her live before, so i can’t wait. i’m so excited that i can’t focus on anything else, not even on the latest tsl movie release!” as he went on his long passionate tangent about how awesome zaramela was and how he wished that one day he’d become a top idol like her, levi unknowingly tightened his grip on y/n, holding her hands close to his chest as he continued to fanboy.

y/n, on the other hand, couldn’t help but giggle at how enthusiastic levi seemed to be. he really did admire her so much, huh. he was quite adorable, especially when he talked so passionately about things that he loved. “i can tell that you can’t wait any longer,” she commented. levi didn’t notice the soft look that she gave him as he was too busy going on and on about his love for zaramela. if he saw that look, he would’ve had a heart attack right then and there. “well, have fun, and make sure to hide your identity well. you did dye your hair for this comeback, so at least you got that part down.”

“yes manager!!” levi shouted a bit too loudly, ecstatic that she had allowed him to go out and see his favorite idol. if it all works out in the end, then maybe she might go with him to a concert next time! just the two of them, alone in a concert, under the moonlight and stars. ahh, it sounded just like a date. well, it would be a date! a date with y/n sounded just perfect to levi, and maybe, at the end of it all, they would share an intimate and passionate kis-

as levi was trapped in his daydreams yet again, he quickly snapped out of it when he felt something on top of his lips. wait wait, y/n was kissing him! he wasn’t prepared at all for this, what?! this wasn’t how levi had planned his first kiss with her to be at all. it was supposed to be on a romantic date under the stars as the moonlight illuminated her features, and levi went in for a kiss. it wasn’t supposed to be a spontaneous thing! well...this didn’t feel so bad either. unconsciously, levi began to kiss back after a few seconds, and he allowed himself to relax as he started to feel all warm and tingly on the inside. ahh, y/n’s touch was way better than he had imagined. this didn’t even begin to compare to all of his daydreams about her. this was much better, so much better.

“make sure to go out and enjoy the rest of your lunch,” y/n commented once she pulled back, much to levi’s disappointment. if only it had went on for a few seconds longer. levi wanted to relish in her touch, but it was gone way too soon. “you have about thirty minutes left, so get yourself something tasty.” with those final words, y/n began to flip through her clipboard and get ready to go out, mentally adjusting the schedule for the team for the remainder of the week. there was just so much to be done this week.

levi, on the other hand, remained frozen and speechless as he continued to process what had happened a few moments prior. his crush really had kissed him out of nowhere. this was his chance to ask her out. i mean, she had basically reciprocated his feelings right now, so what better time than to ask her on a date. his wildest dreams were sure to come true then.

“hey, y/n.”

“hm?” she turned around, a cute confused look on her face that made levi’s heart do backflips. y/n was too cute for her own good.

well, it was now or never. swallowing his nerves, levi averted his gaze from her and mumbled out his question. “would you maybe like to, you know, come with me to the concert?”

the moment y/n smiled, levi had his answer, and oh how he was so ecstatic. not only would he get to finally fulfill his dream of seeing his favorite idol live, but he got to spend it with his crush. this was way too good to be real life. “sure, i’d love that.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me leviathan #leviathan x reader #fluff #fic

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1p2p-heta-imagines · 3 years

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I’m sorry if this is weird but I have a mermaid hyperfixation rn

Could you give some 2p Axis mermaid Headcanons? Like how their tail would look or where they’d live or really just anything, sorry if this is weird or sounds kinda childish, ty 💗

(I found some tails that are pretty fitting but I didn't want to add them as it made this really long, so please tell me if you'd like to see them!)

2p N. Italy:

- Lives pretty deep in the Adriatic sea and mostly refuses to come up to the surface since humans usually try to capture him and then sell him off for profit

- He lives in a little cave that he decorated with things like seagrass, shells, bones and rocks to make it seem more homely

- His diet mostly consists of whatever fish that has the misfortune of being caught in his grasp, he's not too choosy when it comes to meals

- His teeth are a lot sharper than most other mermen's due to the fact he's strictly carnivorous and it's needed to be able to sink into prey

2p S. Italy:

- Lives in the Tyrrhenian sea, pretty close to the surface. He's commonly sighted by people, typically sailors, and some people choose to see him as a sign of good luck since he'll wave at them

- Steals fish from fishing boats, usually bluefin tuna since it's his favourite. He waits until their net has caught a lot then bites it open and grabs as many as he wants, it's very effective

- He can actually say a couple of phrases, but he has no clue what any of it means, he just likes to speak because he likes how it sounds

- Only ever goes deeper down into the sea so that he can sleep because it's cooler down there and also because it means that he's harder to catch

2p Germany:

- Lives in an aquarium since he got caught, but he used to live in the North Sea

- Eats whenever he gets fed, usually gets fed swordfish, yellowfin tuna, and Alaskan salmon since they're good for muscle and they want to keep him healthy enough, but humans usually end up feeding him other things like chocolate, crisps/chips, apples, etc.

- He learned to speak pretty well by copying/mimicking whatever humans would say to him (much like a parrot does) but since really only children go to see mermaids/mermen, his vocabulary isn't actually that good

- One time a worker at the aquarium let him wear their headphones to show him music when he first got sent there and it calmed him down a lot, he still hasn't gotten over the fact they got fired and commonly just waits for them to show up

2p Japan:

- Lives in the Sea of Japan, he's been to a lot of different seas but always finds himself coming back there so it's where he's just started to call home

- Saury and mackerel are his main diet, but he doesn't mind other fish that he can catch. He also likes crab but finds that their shells are often too hard to get into with just his hands so he doesn't have them too often

- He collects things from when he travels around to different seas or different areas of seas so his home looks very mismatched

- He lives pretty deep down so he can see extremely well in the dark, going up too much can end up really hurting his eyes so coming up anywhere near the surface is extremely unlikely due to this

#2p #Hetalia #2p Hetalia #2ptalia #2p Italy #2p North Italy #2p Veneziano #2p South Italy #2p Romano #2p Germany #2p Japan #2p Headcanons #2p Hetalia Headcanons #2ptalia Headcanons

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa has 8 stories at Gossamer, but there are even more X-Files fics at AO3 and her website. She writes Mulder and Scully in a very lovely way. I've recced 3 of my favorites of her fics here before: Bird in Snow, Fall: East on M St, and Skuamorph. Big thanks to Tabula Rasa for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

I'm always extremely pleasantly surprised to get kudos (or, very rarely, a comment) on my old fic, but I'm always happy to see it! I did post them all (I think) to AO3. I'm not surprised people are still reading fic, though. It's an iconic show and now with streaming, it's really easy to watch older shows and natural to want fic about them!

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

XF was my first fandom, definitely my first online fandom, and so it will always have a special place in my heart. Also... I had a great time! I stumbled upon and joined the Scullyfic email list by accident, but it was the best thing I could have done. I learned a lot about how to be a writer and how to be in fandom, and those lessons are still important to me. Foundational. Also, in terms of modern fandom drama, XF was more low-key on the drama (although it didn't seem like it at the time!). But I learned something that's always served me well: find like-minded people, and hang out with them. Don't worry about the rest.

Also... you can't control the show, but you kind of can control the canon.

Because of Scully, I ended up taking a forensic anthropology class in university-- and now I have a Master's in a forensic science! Part of the Scully Effect, and proud of it!

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Definitely mostly email list! I never really got the hang of message boards. Posting fic was exhausting, and tbh I never figured out how to work Ephemeral. I checked it every day, though! I loved, after a new episode, everyone sending in their thoughts and reading everyone's experiences together. Fandom was a lot more work back then, tbh!

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

That fic can be just as good, or better, than traditionally published works. There are works of XF fic that have stuck with me for years now, far more than some books I've read. That fan writers can know the characters better than the show writers. The fandom in general was really smart, and mostly more adult than me (I joined fandom when I went away to college, so I always felt at the younger end of the scale. That was good though!).

Also, my first time reading and writing porn. Not gonna lie, I was shocked the first time I accidentally read smut. But I adjusted fast. lol

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I was still a kid (now we would say preteen) when the show premiered- I think in middle school. But I was already into ghosts, aliens, monsters, solving mysteries, and I'd already imprinted on the dynamic thanks to Square One (really)! I was also just old enough to start developing celebrity crushes. Hilariously, I did not twig to the fact that I'm bisexual the entire time I was in XF fandom, despite having enormous crushes on BOTH Mulder and Scully. Ahhhh!

Also, my whole family was into the show, but I was definitely the one with the hyperfixation. I used to take notes and record the episodes as I watched. It just had the right stuff and hit at the right time. And I've always been obsessive.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

As a kid I also really liked Star Trek, and someone had given my dad a book about the history of Star Trek, which I read. This included mentions of fandom and fanfic. As soon as I had a private-- and perhaps more importantly fast-- internet connection (in college), I went looking for XF fanfic, and that was that. Hooked immediately. Also I shipped them A LOT so that's what I went looking for.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

I tend to not go back to a fandom once I have a new fandom, so I wouldn't say I'm in it. I did hang around the edges for the revival, of course, because I wanted to experience that with the same people, but since the revival was mostly not that great (with a few exceptions), I didn't get pulled back into it. But I still think of the people I knew in the fandom a lot, and always hope they're doing well.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I've never left fandom, and I've been in a BUNCH: Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Bandom, Supernatural, now CQL/The Untamed and other Chinese-media fandoms, with many smaller ones in between or on the side. I feel like at their core fandoms tend to be similar, although where you host the fandom makes a big difference: Livejournal, tumblr, twitter. I think that because fandoms now tend to be bigger and more diverse (which is good) there tends to be more wank (which is bad). In some of them I was close to a group of people, some of them not. Honestly the best thing is when someone you know from an old fandom is in your new fandom. It's so much fun. I have really good friends thanks to fandom, and I've had them for YEARS. Like. 15 years.

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I tend to focus more on ships than characters, but some of my all-time favs: Scully, Hermione, Sirius Black, Castiel, Lan Wangji, Xie Lian. That's just fandom-oriented ones, otherwise we'd be here all day. :D

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I don't often rewatch episodes any more, although if I come across an ep on tv I might. I definitely still think about them though! For example, I'm a teacher now, and just a couple weeks ago one of my colleagues mentioned he'd heard the students saying they shipped two of their classmates, and he was like "Ship? I don't get it" and I was like "HOO BOY, do I have a story for you!" And I explained how shipping came from XF fandom, and why. That was fun. I definitely still think about Mulder and Scully too-- I mean, they're cultural touchstones, so they do come up sometimes in greater pop culture. Also, I was in Hannibal fandom for a while, and Gillian Anderson is still The Best.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I haven't read XF fic in years, even the ones I remember as being really significant/important to me. I still have my all-time favs saved on an external HD though! Fic in another fandom- every day lol.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Blinded by White Light by DashaK has stuck with me. Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Ruby-Throated Warbler by I forget I'm so sorry -- that's lasted as my ideal post-canon MSR and as an interesting and different way to tell a story. [Lilydale note: It’s by rah.] I was always thrilled to see fic by Brandon, JET, MaybeAmanda, Syntax6... and, frankly, everyone on the Scullyfic/ Emuse list. So many talented people in that fandom!

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Things Outside, which is the only thing I've ever written based on a dream, and I'm really satisfied with it. It was hard to write but so much fun to revel in the weirdness. I always kind of wanted to write more because I know a lot more about the situation, but otoh, I like the open, ambiguous ending (usually I am very HEA).

In other fandoms, King & Country in bandom (MCR) and in Supernatural I'm very proud of Hope and Clay. I struggle to write casefics even though I love to read them, but that one really worked out.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I don't think I'll ever write something new. There is an old fic that may be done but it was smut so I was too shy to post it at the time. In theory if I find it and it's decent, I could post it!

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I do! I write fic very slowly, but I do write still! I have a million ideas for stories, but I'm so slow at the actual writing part.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I usually take a jumping-off point from canon, or of course, something I need to fix or expand on. Or sometimes I start telling myself a story as I fall asleep and the idea grabs me long enough I can manage to write it.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I was getting into fandom and realized people didn't use their real names. I flipped through my history book looking for inspiration, and decided tabula rasa was a great name for a writer. I tend to add an X because it's rare to get "tabularasa" as a username, and the X is indeed for X-Files (so I'm something like tabulaxrasa most places). I usually go by Tabula Rasa or Tab, though. And I still use it because 1) it IS a great name for a writer; and 2) it's not fandom-specific so I can keep it in every fandom.

I identify with it so much I have answered to this name in class (oops). I have a "Tab" t-shirt (as in the soda, but I have worn it to Comic-Con for ease of ID-- better than a nametag!). And my mom got me a necklace with a "tab" typewriter key as a charm, which I adore. Yes, I have accidental merch of myself.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

As you can tell from the above, my family knows (my family being my parents and sister). They are supportive! I think my mom read a couple stories? But obviously she has to know the fandom to get it... I got my sister into fic, and we even wrote a couple fics together (in Gundam Wing). She's a lot more selective about fandoms, but she's joined fandoms on her own, too. She's just not in one constantly, like me. :p

I tend not to tell not-online friends unless I have felt them out and know they're super fannish, or they bring it up first.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

Most of my old fic is now on AO3 and I hang out on twitter a lot, @tabula_x_rasa

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I'm really glad people are still in this fandom! It will always be so important to me. Thank you Lilydale, for this nostalgia trip!

(Posted by Lilydale on March 30, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #tabula rosa

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fakeloveaskblog · 3 years

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I think you. should ask Janus to "slither" over to your house! But also give him options! Like, "would you like to join me for dinner at my house? Or do you prefer to just go on a walk? How about we go to a fancy restaurant~ My treat~. Or maybe just enjoy each other's company at a park? You don't have to of course!"

(Words: 2095)

Logan: "Ah yes wonderful tactics stranger! This will surely be useless in my upcoming attempt!"

It was nearing the end of the day. Janus was closing up. Meanwhile Logan was trying to calm his nerves by reminding himself that he was objectivly very cool. He had on one of his best sweaters to look extra good (it had the tardis on it!).

"Alright. Looks like we can go home and have an existential crisis about the passage of time" Janus said motioning towards the exit.

Logan took a deep breathe before grabbing onto the sleeve of his crush' shirt "Please wait just a moment. How long have we known each other?"

"I guess since I started working here...so around 6 months? Please don't tell me you’re quitting! Work would just become soooo much more enjoyable"

"I was actually wondering if you mayhaps would like to accompany me on a so called 'hang out' during our leisure time...Today...Or some other day! If you want to! You don't have t-"

"No! No I would hate to!- Love! I mean I would love to!" Janus couldn't stop himself from grinning.

Logan flapped his hands in happiness "Good! So would you maybe like to go to the park nearby or-"

"No! Yes! Yes!"

"Great!"

Logan walked out of the library and held the door open for Janus. After quickly locking they walked towards the park. It was a simple small one. Just some trees, lots of grass, lots of people smoking grass, a pond, angry ducks, even angrier swans and exactly 1 ice cream shop.

All Logan wanted to do was take his crush' hand. It would be hard to do even if he tried to because Janus was constantly fiddling with his gloves. He was barely even looking at where he was walking.

"....I'm sorry for the weird way I talk sometimes" Janus quietly confessed "With the backwards talk. I kind of lie when I get nervous? I think?"

"Oh I know" Logan replied.

"You kNOw?" Janus' voice went up a tone.

"It is very noticeable but it is also quite charming if I may say so myself" It took a moment before he carefully added "Besides I have read that compulsive lying and also vitiligo can come from great stress or bad...events so even if I did not find it charming I wouldn't hold it against you either"

A small smile played on the edges of Janus' lips "Thanks"

"No need"

He took an impressively deep breathe before he stopped in the middle of the road and dramatically grabbed onto both of Logan's shoulders to stop him. He stood on his toes to make himself taller and stared into his love's eyes.

"I do not think you are also charming at all!!!" Janus very loudly announced.

Logan let up into a chuckle. He forced himself to keep eye contact "Well thank you"

Janus let go of him and kept walking very very quickly to try and distract from his red cheeks and heavy breathing. That was flirting right??? He had flirted??? He had done it??? He'd flirted??? The little voice in his head that he was starting to think was his self confidence trying to break through to him would be so proud!!!

“So would you perhaps like an ice cream in these trying times?” Logan asked. He was walking with his hands clasped behind his back.

“Oh right I would definitely love something high calorie that would just make me even more gross”

“Somehow your thick layer of sarcasm was the part of that sentence with the least falsehood in it. We can share one? Or if you get uncomfortable eating desserts in front of other people we don’t have-”

“SNAKE!” Janus interrupted him.

He ran out into the grass of the park and hunched down to gently pick up a slippery snake. It was small enough to keep in one hand. He was repeatedly hitting his other arm against his leg and putting his fingers in uncomfortable positions.

Logan happily sat down next to him. Janus ungraciously shoved the snake right up near his face.

“It’s a baby northern watersnake! It’s not venomous I promise. It hunts fishes in the water. Isn’t that cool? It’s also one of the few species that doesn’t lay eggs! It can even put out musk to protect itself!! It’s so-”

He realized how much he was ranting and immediately forced himself to stop. He stopped his arm as well. He was so annoying.

“I apologize. Sometimes I just run my mouth and I do these stupid motions”

Logan boped his nose “The only stupid thing about that is you assuming I wouldn’t want to hear you rant. Or see you....stim...? I literally flapped my hands 5 minutes ago. I do not judge”

Janus shrugged at the stim question “My mother did always say that my father has adhd but that was in an insulting way. When I have done research on adhd I relate to a lot of it but it’s not like I have a diagnosis or anything”

“Bitchass mother” Logan mumbled under his breathe “I do not have diagnosed autism either but I do still now I have it.....Besides....Not to brag but I have both a deegre in both psychology and medicine so I can basically diagnose myself anyway”

Jan was already too overwhlemed to ask how the hell he had had the time for 2 bachelors deegre only to end up at a library.

“Anyhow we don’t have to talk about psychology...now...............maybe one day though” Logan did a little robotic evil laugh “For now maybe you can infodump about that snake, then we can get a shared ice cream and then I can infodump about glorious star trek. How’s that for a plan?”

His crush took a deep breathe before nodding. He stood up and cupped the snake in his hands. “You want to go to the pond don’t you little guy? Want to hunt and murder a few fishes don’t you?”

He turned to Logan and shuly said a few more facts while they went to the pond. He patted the snake on it’s head before carefully setting it down among the plants at the water’s edge.

The friends sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the snake as it looked for prey. (Though Logan spent most of the time adoring Janus’).

When the snake caught a small fish and swallowed it whole Janus broke out in happy flaps. He let out a happy squeal while pointing at it. Logan nodded back at him. He mimicked his flapping.

He’d never seen Janus’ smile that brightly. Logan took his hand. Intertwining their fingers. They stimmed together until Lo pulled in his hand making his crush stumble into him.

Jan sat with his head leaned against his chest. He looked up at Logan with blushing red cheeks. He forced himself to move back even if he didn’t want to.

“Sorry”

“No need” The nerd assured.

He stood up and held out his hand to help Janus up. They didn’t let go of each other’s hands as they walked towards the ice cream shop.

“To piss off homophobes” Janus lied up the explanation while motioning for their hand holding.

“Of course”

They ordered a scoop of lemon ice cream and sat down by the tables outside. Janus had taken off his gloves. Their hands laid on top of each other.

“Do you also have that experience where” Logan stopped to take a bite of ice cream “You categorize your life into what you were hyperfixated on at the time? For example I remember that when I met Patty I was into Doctor Who and right before then I was enjoying Sherlock Holmes”

Janus shrugged. He didn’t want to say that he had a hard time even remembering most of his life clearly “I can see the Doctor influence” He nodded towards his tardis sweater.

Logan’s eyes lit up “Oh have you seen it??? The ninth and fifth doctors are my favorite! Though as a bi man I can not ignore David Tennants’ everything”

“I have seen exactly 0″

“Well that is not a problem that can not be fixed! When I met Patty she hadn’t either- maybe because we were 12- but I show-”

Janus choked on his ice cream “12? Oh wow. For some reason I had assumed you were older”

“Oh no. She moved towns and started in my class. It was almost love at first sight. I stole flowers from my neighbor and invited her to see the movie everyone in town was talking about....Kung fu panda”

He broke out into a laugh.

“Don’t laugh at me Janny! It was an incredibly tactical decision. You see I knew she liked animals and the kung fu panda is a panda”

Janus doubled over the table while continuing to laugh “Me throwing popcorn at myself during my first hangout almost seems cool in conparison”

“Popcorn is usually hot. Not cooled down” Logan corrected. “Though to be honest the start of our relationship was sort of what you can call a ‘mess’ since as you already know both of us were foolish enough to think Patty was a guy. So suddenly I had to come to terms with liking guys. Until she told me she was a girl. So then I was straight. Until I met Thomas but that is a whole different story. It was like some people say a rollercoaster”

“Am I rude for finding that funny?”

“Yes incredibly and frankly you should be dragged to the guillotines right now”

Janus leaned closer to him with a sly smile on his face “Aw ~darling~ I didn’t know you could be sassy”

Logan did his best to hide how the nearly choked on his own spit “Yes I can indeed be if I want to. Just like how I have been able to have adequate facial expressions and voice tones and also eye contact during our whole hangout. Normally I only have a lot of expressions and tones if I am talking about hyperfixations or my wife”

“You don’t have to do that around me”

“Really? It does take a lot of energy to try and appear ‘normal’ but I was afraid of coming across as rude”

“Darling I find you lovely either way” Janus was going to pour up the biggest glass of fucking wine when he got home. He was a flirting machine!

“Oh okay” Logan relaxed his shoulders and started looking at a point right next to his shoulder instead of at his eyes. “Want to hear about Star trek the next generation? It’s the one with Data in it”

Janus squeezed his hand “I definitely have a very good idea about who that person is. Yes please tell me”

Logan went on a very very long infodump which Janus happily listened to (and did his best to reply to even though he didn’t know much). He was sure he would never get tired of hearing him talk. The ice cream nearly melted because they were both too busy with what he had to say.

“-And that is why the poetry actually have significance” Logan concluded after nearly half an hour.

“Well that sure sounds like an interesting series”

“I can show you it? Soon? I have it all on dvd”

“It’s a date- I uh I mean like planned thing not like romantic I mean-” Janus babbled out.

“I am aware of what you meant” He checked his watch “It is probably a good time for me to depart. It’s my turn on laundry today. I will get to categorize socks!”

“Wow. Sounds like a party”

Logan excitedly nodded. He stood up. Janus did as well. They looked down at their still connected hands. Jan was about to let go and simply leave but to his surprise Logan pulled him into a hug.

He leaned down and moved his arms around Janus’ waist. In return Jan quickly stood up on his toes and buried his head into his love’s shoulder. He breathed in his scent. Coffee and strawberry jam. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment.

“Janus, You are so special to me” Logan murmured while holding onto him as hard as he could.

“I- I love- I love being around you” He whispered back. Too afraid to say the truth.

Logan tried to memorise the way it felt to have him this close before letting go and taking a step back “Well I will see you tomorrow then”

“Can’t wait!”

#loceit #mini fic #logan sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides

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words-writ-in-starlight · 3 years

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What’s the difference between autism and adhd ? I’m going through you adhd tag and now I’m trying to guess whenever I have adhd or if autism + c-ptsd are wrecking my focus.

Hey anon, I feel you very hard! With the caveat that I am not a doctor and even self-diagnosis shouldn’t depend on taking the word of a random dude on the internet, here is my broad assessment, as a person with ADHD and C-PTSD but probably not autism:

All three feature a lot of overlap, both between the three and between individual pairs. For example, PTSD and ADHD can both present with focusing difficulties, memory problems, and hypervigilant behavior. ADHD and autism are highly comorbid--meaning, they appear together a lot, and one can easily mask the other because diagnostic tests aren’t always designed to separate them. More to the point, they share a lot of traits--hyperfixations and special interests are functionally the same thing, we both tend to stim a lot, we both have that once I start talking I can’t fucking stop thing. All of them share a big list of symptoms, including rejection sensitivity, difficulty in social situations, difficulty regulating emotions, sleep problems, the works. This can make it hard to parse the things that are characterized by “shared” symptoms--in this case, difficulty regulating your focus.

The things ADHD has that are not typical of autism or PTSD include:

Hyperactive behavior: this is different from stimming because it’s not attached to an actual sensation. I just can’t sit the hell down and hold still, at all, ever. It makes me feel like ants are crawling on my skin, and then it makes me frustrated, and then it makes me panicky, and then it makes me angry, and it pretty much goes downhill from there. Not everyone with ADHD has this symptom (I recommend looking up the distinction between Hyperactive, Inattentive, and Combined ADHD; I have combined type), but it’s still worth mentioning.

Short attention span: focus is the ability to dedicate your energy to a task; attention is the ability to keep your brain on that task at all. If I’m having a bad day or I forget my meds, I’ll just wind up staring at a wall or flipping through papers on my desk or something whenever my brain decides it’s done thinking about something. This is your classic Inattentive ADHD symptom. It is also why I have a list of every single minute task I need to do every day, because if my attention span ends before I’m expecting it to, I’ll forget everything I’m doing.

Poor sense of danger: not just a lack of impulse control, but your brain genuinely not telling you something is dangerous until you’ve already done it. One time I submerged my arm almost to the shoulder in 175 F water and the only reason I didn’t have to go to the hospital was because pain reflexes don’t have to report to your brain. I’m very delicately wired for threat responses, I’ll jump out of my skin if you drop a pencil, but if I had a dollar for every time I had to have my girlfriend bark DON’T TOUCH THAT right before I grabbed a hot pan, I’d be paying our Brooklyn rent.

Time blindness: ADHD means that I live at the mercy of the alarms on my phone. I have absolutely no sense of how long it’s been since I did anything, nor how long I have until I need to do something else. Have I been awake for an hour or four? How long has it been since I ate? If I have an appointment tomorrow, it basically doesn’t exist, right? You know how everyone started talking about how it seems like the only time that exists is Right Now since the start of the pandemic? That’s what ADHD feels like, all the time.

Interest-driven motivation: general executive dysfunction is one thing, but ADHD is characterized by a total lack of motivation for things that aren’t interesting. I essentially have to have someone physically in the room watching me the entire time if I’m going to clean my room. This is also because people with ADHD often also have trouble planning, which is such a related problem in my experience that I’m going to put it here. I can’t parse what parts of “cleaning my room” need to happen in what order, and also, my brain hates it, so if I try to do it alone, I just end up a little puddle of overwhelmed, understimulated despair on the floor.

Understimulation: this is, in my experience, the big one. ADHD is basically your brain being unable to provide a minimum level of stimulus to keep itself happy. That means that when people with ADHD get understimulated, we get depressed. If I sit in a waiting room with nothing to do for an hour before an appointment, I’m going to be on the verge of a meltdown by the time I’m done. I’ve developed an endless list of “time filling” activities to keep my brain from dropping into the black void of boredom. I’ve experienced a lot of emotions in my day and Nothing To Do is probably in the top three worst feelings I’ve ever felt. Personally PTSD tends to manifest as my brain not caring about stimulation anymore, probably because PTSD is plenty of simulation all by itself--if I’m sitting quietly in a dark room, something has gone horribly wrong.

Anyway, that’s what I can think of offhand. If you’re more of a visual thinker, this Venn diagram is a great TL;DR of this post. Obviously, plenty of people have atypical presentations of other disorders that might share traits listed here, but these are the things that, in my experience, are more characteristic of ADHD than PTSD or autism.

As ever, if you’re really struggling and you feel like you need help and you have the option, I recommend a professional opinion over Some Guy Online, but this guy online thinks you’re doing great. Be gentle with yourself--the slow creep of worldwide trauma created by the pandemic means that a lot of people are struggling to keep their footing, psychologically speaking. That very frequently manifests as focusing problems, especially for those of us with pre-existing disorders. Don’t rush to a diagnosis in the middle of a worldwide disaster, but also, take yourself seriously. The name of the disorder is secondary to the fact that you’re having a hard time, so don’t forget to be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack.

#adventures in adhd #actually adhd #cptsd #adventures in ptsd #advice from star #again i am NOT a professional but i AM very proud of everyone trying to take care of themselves during these dark days!#feeling some powerful big sister energy toward everyone on my blog looking for advice these days #please sit down with me so that i can braid your hair and tell you how good you're doing #i have dnd with my girlfriend's baby sister tomorrow and i'm projecting wildly on everyone don't worry about it #something something Big Sister Energy Is Gender Neutral #my pronouns are not related to my Weird Dad and Big Sister vibes thank you all kindly #a queue we will keep and our honor someday avenge #Anonymous #asked and answered

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