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#it felt very surreal at the time
mikimeiko · 3 months
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I was watching LadyNightTheBrave's video on Twelfth Night (good video, I really enjoyed it) and there was one version of Viola that I found particularly compelling so I went to check who the actor was and IT WAS FUCKING JOHNNY FLYNN why does this man keep appearing unexpectedly in my life, why does he hold such power on my psyche
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nipuni · 22 days
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Photos at Madrid's Victory ball! 💃
We attended our first ball! It was such a dreamlike experience!! It was also our first time doing Regency reenactment so it was a challenge. We haphazardly put together some looks, had a great time learning more about the fashion and the dances and met a bunch of lovely people from all over the world. The palace was stunning, the live band was wonderful and the food delicious, it was an unforgettable night 🥰
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marsixm · 9 months
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my main criticism of barbie is that i just wish the very direct stuff said by america ferreras character didnt feel like them reading off a buzzfeed feminism 101 blog post then going “see look we did the thing” like yes keep the sentiment in there and even the specific quotes i just think it could have been written/integrated in the script in a way that felt more diegetic
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rosaaeles · 6 months
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i had a dream i was a tribute in the games last night and i made it final three before i woke up and i think that’s a pretty astounding achievement
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thelegendofmrrager · 1 year
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Just put in some post tags that I don't know what to do know that I've graduated but actually for now I think I'll brew myself some green tea and just fucking chill
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magnoliamyrrh · 7 months
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altar-ov-plagues · 11 months
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28 Jun 2023
Can't tell if she's an actual woman or a dark entity, but she sent me a text today saying...
"Your darkness is so bright it made everyone else look dull."
...and i can't stop thinking about it.
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vampirebutterflies · 1 year
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oh, to be able to accurately capture how a song makes u feel into an artform for others to experience in the same way as a means of deeper transformation connection and understanding
#and a “this is how I perceive this— can you feel it too? can you understand it at all? can you appreciate it even if you don’t?”#except “how it makes u feel” is far less standard emotional “feeling” and far more like#oh this one feels like walking along the road you know well from where you grew up except the sun is setting so everything’s bathed in a#shifting gradient of sunlight fading from pink to oranges to pinky purples to deeper purpley blues. in a way that feels and looks surreal#yk when sunset light just completely changes how everything looks and feels?#so. bathed in that sunset light and surrounded by tiny floating soft silvery glowing flecks that are almost drawn to you but float further#away when you reach out your hand to touch them#the ones you do touch turn more golden and have the texture of. soft silky dust. like flour or tile dust. and they feel cool at first but#warm very quickly#and you’re walking down that street you know so well (for better or worse) but you’re older now. you’re You now#and you can see the world and the people around and there’s things happening. but you’re unaffected by it all you’re just walking#“there is freedom within— there is freedom without / try to catch the deluge in a paper cup”#and it doesn’t feel bad. just a calm sense of disconnect and. relief? and a path. doesn’t matter what’s happening around you#“there’s a battle ahead— many battles are lost / but you’ll never see the end of the road while you’re travelling with me”#you’re just walking through it all#“and I’m counting the steps to the door of your heart”#I’m sure this is an incredibly common and normal experience#especially given this is very different experience to my intentionally curated brainmovies and music videos I make in my head (normal)#this is just a This Is How It’s Always Felt From When I First Heard It#it’s developed with listening again and again over time but the feelings and the core are the same#anyway#I need to go to bed#mercury moments#if anyone reads all this babbling this specific example is sarah blaskos cover of dont dream it’s over#just so u know#free to ​rb the post if u want#shrug. maybe I just feel things too much and. too deeply and too specifically sometimes#iunno
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into-the-voiddddd · 2 months
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"Ocean Eyes" - billie eilish
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echoesofadream · 1 year
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https://www.tumblr.com/benzohoarder/712345
did you see this
203697221632/misa-ndry-benzohoarder-stylesnews-harry?source=share
omggg rosé my love doing charity work<3333 no I didnt but I did see a picture of harry styles and namgi+taekook who apparently went to his concert. so. that was something
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pretty-little-mind33 · 2 months
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James Potter x fem!reader
Summary: You love James but he loves Lily. It's simple, until it isn't so simple anymore.
Genre: Angst (happy ending)
Warnings: James x Lily mentioned, "unrequited" love, idiots in love, swearing, violence, harassment, crying, arguments, protective!james, jealous!james, stupid!james, Lily isn't a villain—pls i love her!
You know two things for certain—
You're head over heels in love with James. 
He's head over heels in love with Lily.  
In the beginning, you saw the entire situation as some messy game of cat & mouse, and you'd been determined to win. You had foolishly been convinced Lily didn't like James in any way. It never seemed like she had any interest in him. 
And James? Well, James adored your attention. It very clearly sparked his already enormous ego, and you couldn't deny you liked the thrill of him liking your shameless flirting. 
It was fun and harmless while it lasted and it seemed like there was a mutual understanding to both pretend you didn't notice the stolen looks, or shy smiles, the feel of his hand brushing yours in the hallway, the small written notes in class, or the letters he'd sent over the summer…and of course the present he'd left you for your 17th birthday; a small, necklace with expensive tiny rubies. 
It felt surreal. 
It was surreal because the moment you find out James has been dating Lily since Christmas break you feel sick. "Lily? Lily Evans?" You ask your friends, almost choking on your scrambled eggs. 
"Yeah. Apparently, Marls said that Lily kissed James in the Common Room after his practice yesterday," Mary says, immersed in the gossip, "Either way, I heard from Sirius Black that they've been inseparable ever since New Year. He says it's rather annoying."
You hear her muffle a yelp as Pandora kicks her shin from underneath the table. "Oh, I forgot you like James, Y/n," Mary says and sends you a sympathetic smile. 
You feel crushed inside but you force a smile, "Me? Oh, please. I can find so much better than Potter. He was just a silly crush," you swat your hand in the air, "I'm already over him," you say.
Pandora doesn't look like she believes you but she doesn't say anything. Instead, she and Mary let you sit in silence and pretend not to know you're unintentionally staring at James and his friends from across the dining hall. 
James is laughing and your chest tightens. He seems over the moon as he has his arm around Lily's shoulder and she looks at him with a look you've never seen her wear. She actually looks like she's enjoying his jokes now. 
You can't help yourself as you start to compare yourself to Lily. You chew on your nails as you start to remember every insecurity you've ever had and you feel miserable.
You aren't really supposed to feel miserable, you reason, deep down you knew James wasn't yours. He was always hers. He was just waiting for her to claim him and you were a silly distraction.
You pry your eyes away from James and Lily when he stands up. You think he sees you for a moment because you can feel his stare. However, when you lift your head and make eye contact for a moment. James's expression is unreadable and he's the first to turn his head. He grins and continues his conversation with Lily as you're frozen in time.
"Y/n?" Mary calls your name and time resumes.
"Yeah?" you whisper, composing yourself and crossing your arms on the table. 
"Here," she hands you a crumpled-up note and points behind her, "It's from Danny."
You take the note from Mary and tilt your head to see Danny Dulac staring at you from the Slytherin table. Danny Dulac is the Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team. He's tall, extremely smart, and has the silkiest blond hair. 
Danny sends you a smile and motions toward the paper in your hand which reads:
~I heard Potter is out of the picture now. Does this mean you're free for a Butterbeer on Saturday?~
You think it's a joke but when you look up, Danny looks dead serious. Mary leans over and when she sees the note over your shoulder, she exclaims, "Oh my Merlin, Danny just asked you out!" she pushes on your shoulder excitedly and you shush her. 
You stare at the cursive and your mind races. You spent so many years liking James that it had never even crossed your mind that you could like other boys, or that they could like you. 
"Well? Answer him," Pandora insists and makes a little circle motion with her hand. 
Once you find a quill from inside your book-bag, you reply with a small, enthusiastic, 
~Yes!~
* * *
Over the week leading up to Saturday, you try to pretend James and Lily don't exist. 
It's much easier than you imagined because you have Danny's to pay attention to now. Turns out Danny Dulac is a gentleman who carries your books in the hallway and compliments you whenever he has the chance. 
You don't feel the loss you felt when you found out James and Lily kissed—at least not when James isn't staring at you from afar. You knew James wasn't that fond of Danny—being the Gryffindor Quidditch Captain and all—but ever since Danny has been hanging around you it seems like James can't stand the guy. 
It's confusing, especially because James hasn't made any attempts to talk to you since his relationship with Lily became public. 
You sit in Potions next to Marlene when Remus Lupin comes up to you. "Y/n?" he asks in a quiet voice and you look up at him, "It's from James," he shows you the note in his hand and you stare at it like it's one of James's stupid pranks. 
You thank Remus and open it anyway, 
~Meet me at Hogsmeade on Saturday?~
Without a word to Remus, you scribble an answer, 
~I have a date~
You fold the torn parchment and hand it to Remus. You watch him walk back to James and Sirius. When James sees you've actually written him a response, his eyes sparkle and he hides a smile. However, his smile disappears once he reads the contents and you’ve never seen him so perturbed. 
He starts to scribble on the paper and, with his eyes focused on you, hands it to Remus. 
Remus shakes his head adamantly so James then tries to hand it to Sirius, who also shakes his head. James's last option is Peter but the poor boy has fallen asleep on his Potions book. 
You smile. Your attention is pulled from them when you see Danny next to you.
"Hi," he smiles.
"Hi," you answer and the last thing that could possibly be on your mind is James Potter. 
* * *
You pull at the hem of your dress and adjust your jumper nervously. Danny has just made the same joke he made a few hours earlier and you really try and force out another chuckle. 
"You ok? You look a little warm," Danny says foam from the beer lays across his upper lip.
You blink. You like him, you try to convince yourself, he's smart and super handsome and he carries your books for Merlin's sake— 
"I'm completely fine, continue?" you smile sweetly and lean in towards him from across the table. You want to look interested.
Danny smirks and looks around. "Wanna go somewhere quieter?" 
No, you want to say. You won't want to go anywhere with him because that means you have to listen to him some more and he's oh so boring.
Only you don't say no, you say, "Sure," and allow him to take your hand.
Once you've found a small, empty corner of The Three Broomsticks, Danny pushes you to the wall. His hand is resting near your forehead and he leans in as if he wants to kiss you. You panic and push him away, "Oh I'm super warm actually. One second," You turn and your hands tremble as you pull your jumper over your head and let it slide down your arms. 
Danny looks a little annoyed when you turn back around. His eyes lower and he frowns, "Pretty' necklace. Who's it from?" he points out and you look down. 
James's necklace.
"Oh. A friend," you say dismissively and rush to unclip it as it falls into your hands.
"A friend huh?" Danny crosses his arms, "Is it from Potter?"
You feel your cheeks become warm. Why would he ask that? You aren't sure what expression you're making but it cannot be a normal one.
"No!" you say and Danny yanks the necklace from your hands. Your heart sinks as you try to take it back instantly.
Danny holds it away from you, making you feel small, "You can't keep this." 
"Why not? It's mine," your lip wobbles.
"Because it's from him and he has a girl. It's completely inappropriate." 
You lower your arm and your heart hurts. Is Danny right? Maybe you have thrown away the necklace as soon as you found out about James and Lily? Why are you still wearing it? 
"Plus, if you want to be my girl you'll throw away this dirty necklace," Danny snarls as he runs his fingers along the silver chain. You freeze. 
"What?" you can't believe he just said that. 
"What?" Danny counters. He seems confused at your sudden shift in tone. 
"I am not your girl. I don't want to be your girl."
"Bullshit, Y/n," Danny rolls his eyes and stuffs your necklace into his robe. He walks closer, this time menacingly, and you feel stuck. Your hands press against the wall and you look at him. Your eyes brim with tears, mostly in hopes he'll leave you alone when he sees them. Danny just raises his hand and harshly brushes them away with his thumb, "You should feel lucky someone like me even likes you," he smirks. 
You feel like someone just punched you in the gut and you stutter, "Get away from me."
"No," Danny says and leans in. Only, he's suddenly ripped from in front of you and you inhale, surprised. You blink as Danny stumbles when someone seizes his collar. You feel someone else's hand on your shoulder and you turn to look at them. 
"Are you okay?" Kind, considerate, Lily Evans whispers, concerned at your tears.
"What the fuck?!" You hear a loud crack as Danny groans in pain. You look towards the sound and see James Potter take Danny's collar again, his knuckles already stained a little crimson. James looks furious. 
"Did you hurt her?" he hisses and shakes Danny like it's nothing.
Lily soothes you by rubbing your shoulders and she calls James's name as a warning.
"Hurt her? We're on a date, Potter. She wanted it," Danny snarls and you wince. You didn't want it. James looks at you and Lily from the corner of his eye and his heart breaks when he sees your expression.
"Fucking nutter!" James exclaims and punches Danny in the stomach. This time, Danny doesn't just take the hit. Instead, he tackles James and they trip onto the ground. Lily screams at her boyfriend and you scream Danny's name. 
You try to pull Danny away from James but it's only when you hear a loud crack as Danny lands on his left thigh that he pauses. You gasp, covering your mouth with your hands, which makes James pause and he looks confused as Danny pulls out your necklace from inside his robe. The small rubies have shattered and when Danny opens his hand, the chain and the shards drop onto the ground. 
He stands and taunts, "Some gift, huh Potter?" James's expression falls. 
 You crouch down, scooping the, now completely ruined, necklace into your palms. You try to hold in your tears and the world around you turns silent as you look at your present. "Shut it," You hear Lily snap at Danny and she doesn't hesitate to help you stand. Her arm holds yours and she looks almost as furious as James. 
"She's crying because of you, you prat! Does that make you feel good about yourself, huh?" James points out with frustration.
You know he means well, but it doesn't help that he basically announced to the entirety of The Three Broomsticks that you're in tears. You sniffle and look at Danny. His blue eyes shine with a mixture of embarrassment, pity, shame, and resentment.
"Whatever," he just snarls, "She's not worth it. She never was," he says as if you aren't standing directly in front of him. 
"You piece of shit," James hisses but Lily interrupts him.
"James. No," she scolds like a mother and James whips his head around to glare at her.
Instead, he makes eye contact with you and his face falls once more. His posture softens and, to your surprise, he doesn't move when Danny bumps his shoulder to leave. 
"I'm sorry, James," you say sadly, still holding his present. 
He looks confused and tilts his head as walks closer to you. Murmurs drift around the room as students continue to watch the scene. Lily looks around, seemingly just as uncomfortable as you, and James does the same. 
He gestures to the door and raises one of his eyebrows in a question. Lily nods. Quietly, you follow them outside and as you walk.
James and Lily somehow find their way next to each other. It's almost automatic for them and your heart breaks. Lily whispers into James's ear and his eyes glance at you. You look away, insecurities burning your chest. 
"You okay?" Lily asks, turning around when you start to fall back behind them.
You hum and pick at your nails, "I- I'm gonna go," you mutter. Lily wants to protest but, without a word, you stand before James and let the broken necklace fall into his open hands.
He looks at you with wide eyes and then clutches his hand around the necklace so fiercely. He shakes his head and your name leaves his lip but you don't wait for him to continue. You turn to leave—what can he possibly say now that will make you feel better?
"I like you!" His voice resonates in your ears as your breath leaves you. You turn around, almost hurting your neck. You couldn't have heard him correctly. Your eyes bounce to Lily but she doesn't look hurt. She doesn't even look surprised. Instead, she sends you a small smile.
You blink, "Pardon me?" You walk a little closer to James, "You like me? As in romantically or as a person?"
James starts to stutter, "R-romantically."
You look towards Lily, bewildered. "But, you're dating her!" 
  James turns to look at Lily just as she speaks up, "No, we broke up. We didn't even last more than maybe two weeks, Y/n." She laughs, "You two should really talk—" 
James nods at her and then turns to you once more. His arms stretch out as if he wants to make sure you won't run away from him. "Please, Y/n. Hear me out." He sounds so small and for someone with such a big personality, you're suddenly afraid.
You find yourself nodding slowly and let him lead you behind The Three Broomsticks. James lets you lean against the wall and then he nervously runs a hand in his hair.
"James, I don't understand," you say quietly, "You like Lily. You have always liked Lily—I was always just some girl you entertained because you liked the attention. I've always known that."
James's face falls as he listens to you and you see his hands hesitate towards you. "You were never just some girl," he says adamantly.
You frown, "Yes, I was."
"No, you weren't," His voice rises and you press your back against the wall, staring at him as he explains, "Listen, I ended things with Lily. It was my decision. I realized I couldn't stay with her and do you want to know why?" 
You shake your head instantly but he tells you anyway. 
"Because she wasn't you. She didn't make me feel as full as you always do. When she laughed, I never had the same butterflies in my stomach," James pressed his hand to his chest, "My heart didn't feel compressed in my chest whenever I looked at her. I didn't blush at her compliments like I would yours, or want her to smile only because of me. Just like you used to. Bloody hell, I thought of you when I kissed her."
Your entire body feels warm as embarrassment washes over you. "Why did you then?" your voice breaks, "Why did you put me through that? You knew what I felt for you and you chose Lily anyway. How can I trust you now, James?"
You watch his lip tremble as he looks at you with his doleful brown eyes and your heart shatters for the fourth time this hour alone. 
"I don't know," he buries his face in his hands, making an exasperated sound, " I know that answer isn't good enough for you, and I know I can't take back the pain you felt when you saw me with her. I do know that." 
You don't know what to answer. 
James runs a hand over his jaw and looks at you, "I suppose I couldn't let the fantasy go," he admits in a whisper. 
You turn your head away, "Y-yeah—Lily Evans, the fantasy. I understand." 
"W-what? No, that isn't what I meant!" James assures you, "I've been stuck on Lily for years. I know I didn't see you, but—but I see you now."
You stare at him. He looks so upset that your anger turns into pity, "James—"
"Y/n, please don't reject me. I can't bear it," his voice breaks as his eyes water. He walks closer and drops the broken necklace he'd given you in your palm. Your hand closes around it without thinking. "I've been such an idiot but I can't imagine losing you like this."
"You lost me the moment I saw you with Lily. You don't deserve to have me—not like this, and definitely not anymore," you say sternly and watch as you break the heart of the boy you're madly in love with. 
"James, you strung me along for months and months, and then threw me away without hesitation for her. If you liked me, you would have never let me cry over you for weeks," your voice becomes louder. 
James's hurt expression twists and his eyes darken, "You spent your days with Danny Dulac for fucks sake! What the hell was I supposed to do?" he also raises his voice.
"You aren't allowed to be jealous!" you say and push your index into his chest, tears streaming down your cheeks, "You ruined this," your voice dies as your hand flattens on his chest and he grasps it in his. James pulls you closer and leans his head onto yours. 
For a moment, you let it rest there, but then you pull away. "I can't do this," you mutter, "you only want what you can't have, James," you whisper and you know your words would hurt him but you don't care. You hear him call your name as you walk away from him.
* * *
Over the next few months, it's as if you and James never existed. 
You don't speak in class and when James wants to talk outside of classes, you ignore him. Eventually, he stops trying. He doesn't go back to Lily like you'd expected him to. Instead, time goes by, you both graduate, and it isn't until Marlene's 21st birthday that you see James Potter again.
He's in the middle of a small crowd: his smile as bright and wide as you remember. He's laughing like he would in school and you stand to the side of the room, suddenly unsure what to do with yourself.  
When James sees you, his smile falters for a moment. He looks you up and down and when his eyes land on the necklace you're wearing, his heart thumps in his chest and he can't help but wander over to you. You almost run from him, but enough time has passed for you to stay still.
"Hi," James says, looking into your eyes. 
You look up, your voice merely a whisper, "Hi." 
Weirdly, conversation flows easily. You talk about work, hobbies, and eventually you land on relationships. Somehow you've found each other in a secluded side of the room, you're leaning against the wall as James's arm rests near your head. It isn't confrontational—no, instead you feel safe caged in his strong arms. Your eyes train on the muscles of his arm—of course he plays Professional Quidditch now. You need to remind yourself to pay more attention to Quidditch from now on. 
"You seeing anyone?" James hums, his eyes flickering to your necklace again. You fiddle with it subconsciously and shake your head. 
"You?" 
James shakes his head too and he finally asks the question that's been burning his lips, "You fixed it," he raises his arm and his thumb skims the rubies. 
You hum and nod. "I did."
"Why?"
You laugh and look at James. "Because I love this necklace," you pause a moment and you whisper, "And it reminds me of someone."
   James seems surprised and he runs a hand in his curls. He looks at you and leans in a little. "C-can I?" he asks and a part of you wants to shake your head…tell him to fuck off. But, this is James Potter. He's the only boy you've ever loved—no matter who came after him. You nod and James's hand cups your cheeks as his lips press against yours. 
"I've been thinking of doing this for years," he says breathlessly through his kisses. 
I have too, you want to say but instead you just pull him closer. 
"I love you," James says suddenly and pulls away. He looks flustered as he tries to explain himself. "I- I never stopped."
You look at him and utter three words James didn't think he'd ever hear, "Neither did I." 
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wonfilms · 3 months
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enhypen + giving them a hickey
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0T7! { warnings: kissing, intense but there's nothing crazy} a/n: this was kinda crazy and very out of my usual writing style but THERES A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING gen: fluff + suggestive
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“oh? what’re you getting at doll..?” heeseung’s eyes showed no sign of shyness, instead they glistened with a sort of playfulness as your lips pressed greedily against his neck, your eyelashes gently brushing his skin as your face presses up against it, he curses softly under his breath,  “hmm…” your hums reverberated through him too, sending gentle waves of want through his abdomen, butterflies threatening to flood his stomach. he sucks in a breath stroking your hair softly, as a soft groan of appreciation slipped absent-mindedly from his lips, his head gently tilting up, hair splayed across the sheets, giving you even further access to his neck. “you better not leave a mark h..honey…”
“...oh so that’s what’re you’re doing?” jay smirks softly, a gentle blush covering his cheeks as he feels your teeth graze his jawline.. and then your smile oh so “innocent“-ly against his skin.. and he feels a moan slip from his mouth. “oh god” he curses under his breath.. hands tangling gently in your hair as he melts against the pillows.. his hair tousled.. he looks almost vulnerable, jay never looks vulnerable.. except for now.. you’ve got him wrapped around your little finger and all he was doing is letting you work him up,  “y..you’re gonna make me go crazy ___ ”
“t..tickles-” jake complains breathily, his teeth trapping his soft bottom lip between them.. Your breath grazed his neck ever so gently it felt like a dream. his head swam with hazy thoughts that he didn’t think he was capable of picturing. it all felt like too much.. his skin was warm against your mouth.. sensitive , as your teeth gently bit down at the sweet spot on his neck that you’d mapped into your head a hundred times over. he cowered under your touch, a vivid warm blush flooding his cheeks, “y..you’re such a little tease” 
“d…don’t stop.” sunghoon’s words are barely audible. he’s completely lost, face flushed and body pliable under your gentle touches. your mouth works wonders as you suck soft marks against his pale skin, a physical reflection of your love. he breathes out shakily as your tongue traces little patterns against the sweet spot under his jaw. he watches through lidded eyes as you kiss every little mole and beauty spot on his neck, that’s all he can do.. all he can do is be an utter blushing mess for you. 
“y..you better help cover this up later..?” sunoo laughs gently as he feels your gentle lips against his skin, he sucks in a breath letting you kiss his neck almost feather light, it’s almost ticklish… until your press a slightly harder kiss against his adam’s apple, it sent a flash of warmth up to his cheeks, making them rosy. you have the audacity to smirk, it’s cute, he makes a mental note to get you back later  as he sighs smiling.. “you’re crazy y’know”
“i… i thought you wanted help with your thesis.. w..what–” jungwon’s eyes fluttered shut as you kissed him cutting his speech off. he hummed softly into the kiss, lips gravitating towards you even when you pull away. he pouts confused before you’re pushing him backwards, his head hits the pillows and his eyes widen as he feels your tongue gently drawing hearts against his neck. a gentle groan leaves his mouth.. it’s like he has something lodged in his throat, the way his tried to swallow down his noises. his head swam as he gripped the sheets. he hears you whisper “just relax” into his ear, lips grazing his lobes. “c…can’t relax when i have you kissing my neck like that..”
“this.. is so gonna leave a damn mark” niki strokes your cheek trying to play it cool as you kiss his neck hungrily, it feels surreal to him, your soft plump lips dragging so damn gently against his skin, your teeth nibbling gently before pulling away, your tongue soothing the temporary sting, his head swam imprinting this feeling right into his memory, he was going to tease you later but for now all he could do was drown himself in the feeling of your kisses. 
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suntoru · 3 months
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❝ I'VE LOVED YOU BEFORE, I'M SURE OF IT!❞
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— SYNOPSIS: eons ago, the king of curses lost his lover. you're gone, you have been for years, so why is it that you're standing right before him?
— WARNINGS: reincarnation, death of servant, your death mentioned, blood, swearing, angst, fluff, ooc sukuna?, he's downbad, 3k words
— AUTHOR’S NOTE: HELP MY FIRST TIME WRITING FOR SUKUNA IF U LIKE IT PLS LMK AND REBLOG!!
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a face so familiar that in a sea of people, he'd recognize it instantly. he could paint a perfect picture from memory alone; how could he ever forget you? the only person he's ever grown accustomed to loving with every fiber of his being. the only person who's ever made the very king of curses feel weak. so then, why... why are you here once more?
impossible. it couldn't, shouldn't be you. he watched you slip away, felt your last breath against his skin, cradled you in his arms as your life ebbed away, the haunting reminder of the day he lost you. so why, against all reason, are you standing before him?
he can't deny the reality that it's truly you standing there, amidst the blossoms, with those delicate features that outshine even the brightest stars in the sky. the very essence of innocence radiates from your being, reflected in the purity of your gaze as you remain unaware of his presence, lost in the simple joy of picking dainty flowers from his meticulously tended garden. it's a scene so achingly familiar, yet impossibly surreal, as if plucked from a distant memory and brought vividly to life before his eyes.
his naive little lamb, blissfully unaware of the danger that lurks just beyond the edges of his meticulously guarded property. anyone could sneak up on you at this very moment, and you'd remain oblivious, lost in the gentle warmth of the sunlight as you hum a soft melody to yourself. do you not realize the trespass you commit with every step, the audacity of encroaching upon his domain?
for if you were anyone else, the ground beneath your feet would surely be stained crimson, a stark reminder of the consequences of such brazen intrusion. he scrutinizes your every movement, his gaze lingering on each delicate gesture as if committing them to memory. it's the first time in what feels like an eternity that he's experienced a semblance of peace.
sukuna, the embodiment of strength and power, finds himself perplexed by the profound comfort your presence brings him. he detests his own vulnerability, despises the notion of being beholden to anyone or anything. and yet, in the quiet moments spent observing you, he can't help but entertain the fleeting desire to hold you once more like the days he once treasured with you.
the fleeting moment of vulnerability dissipates in an instant as one of his ignorant servants, a mere fool in sukuna's eyes, rudely intrudes upon his garden sanctuary. with careless disregard, they trample over the delicate cecilias, the very flowers you were delicately picking.
"m-my lord, my humblest apologies," they stammer, their voice trembling with fear. "i don't know how an intruder got in, but i promise to dispose-" before they can finish their sentence, their head is swiftly separated from their body, the soft thud of impact echoing in the garden as it rolls to the ground. red oozes out, staining the grass crimson red as he stares at the body indifferently. tch. incompetence is met with swift and merciless retribution. how weak, how utterly weak. not only had that feeble intruder disrupted his tranquility, but they had also brought undue attention to his secluded sanctuary.
his gaze sharply turns towards you, contemplating whether you had noticed the disturbance, only to find your eyes innocently peering back at him. a surge of something unfamiliar courses through him as he meets your gaze. there you stand, so delicate and unassuming, clutching those flowers, studying him with a curiosity that unsettles and intrigues him in equal measure.
would you scream? run for the hills? yet, there's an underlying fearlessness about you, a quality he's always admired. part of him yearns for the recognition in your eyes, the acknowledgment of his presence, a desire for you to step closer, to nestle into his embrace and play with his hair, as if it were an annoyance he secretly craved, so long as it was from you.
"…would you like a flower?" you beam up at him, your smile radiant enough to rival the sun itself. holding it out to him, your eyes sparkle with genuine delight as you offer the delicate blossom. "it matches your hair. pretty." for a moment, he hesitates, towering over you with his imposing figure. yet, you show no fear, not of his unusual features nor his intimidating presence, not in this life and not in your past one either. with tentative movements, his rough, calloused hands brush against yours, accepting your gift.
he observes with a quiet fascination as your smile widens even further, a sight that warms a part of him he thought long dormant. almost instinctively, he restrains the urge to brush back a stray strand of your hair, watching instead as you take care of it yourself, a soft frown forming on your face as it catches in your lip gloss.
"it's funny," you begin, a playful lilt to your voice as you gently tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "everything here seems so familiar. tell me, have we ever met before? i feel like i know you from somewhere," you muse, studying his features with a curious intensity. there's a certainty in your tone, a sense of recognition that stirs something deep within him.
"no. that's stupid," he gruffly replies, brushing off your inquiry with a dismissive tone, though he can't ignore the flicker of amusement in your eyes. "ah, you're right. that would be impossible, wouldn't it? perhaps it was just déjà vu," you concede, your smile widening ever so slightly, there's a sincerity in your gaze that leaves him unsettled. he hates the way his heart stirs each time you do that, that... that thing with your face, he's seen it a thousand times before, that stupid smug smile. it's been a millennium since he's last seen it, and he finds himself silently admitting that he's missed it more than he cares to admit.
the one who shattered his harem, the one he believed he had lost forever. over the years of your absence, he had convinced himself that it was foolish to love a mortal. loving you was a mistake, he told himself. there was no void in his heart because of you; it was there to satiate his hunger for bloodlust.
yet, the mere sight of you right now, skin kissed by the sunlight shattered those self-imposed barriers, your voice carrying on about the flowers you held. peonies, daisies, lilies, roses—all growing in a small, vibrant garden. they were your favorites, adorning the white fence so beautifully. although he'd rather be caught dead then admit it out loud, it was dedicated to you, a silent tribute that reminded him of your presence.
in moments of turmoil, he found solace here, secretly seeking refuge amidst the blossoms, gazing up at the stars as if searching for your familiar constellations. what were they again? he had almost forgotten, and somehow, that notion was more unsettling than any sorcerer he had ever faced.
"oh, i almost forgot to ask, what was your name?" you giggle, looking up at him with an air of innocence. do you really talk to random strangers like that? you still are such an airhead. it seems you have no survival skills, but perhaps that's why he's always been so protective of you. "i am the king of curses, sukuna," he states, glaring down at you. it irks him, slightly, that even his name has been wiped from your memory. you really, don't remember, do you?
"sukuna... i'm calling you 'kuna from now on, 'kay?" you beam, and he lets out a weary sigh. how unoriginal. you used to call him that too, but anything else sounds quite strange coming from your lips.
"why are you here?" he grumbles, the question weighing heavy on his mind, not just in this moment, but echoing through the centuries. he wants to know why you've returned, why you've chosen now to reappear in his life after so many years have passed by. are you taunting his only weakness? how infuriating. you remember his old nickname, the flowers you once adorned his head with, but not him. is this some sort of game to you?
"i don't know," you answer simply, adjusting the crinkles in your dress. as the sun begins its slow descent, casting a warm, golden hue over the valley, you find yourself standing there, amidst the beauty of the landscape. "i just happened to stumble upon here," you murmur softly, your gaze fixed on the horizon, where the sky meets the earth in a breathtaking display of colors. the grass sways gently in the breeze, whispering secrets of days gone by, while memories of laughter and joy linger in the air like a bittersweet melody. his nose crinkles. what do you mean you don't know?
"what are you doing?" he hears your voice, sweet and soft like a distant echo from the past, a time when things were simpler, when you were by his side, filling his days with light and laughter. it's been hard without you, he realizes, a pang of longing tugging at his heart as he watches you standing there, bathed in the warm glow of the setting sun.
he wants to reach out to you, to tell you how much he's missed you, how much he's longed for your presence all these years. but instead, he remains silent, a silent observer of the moment, as the memories of days gone by wash over him like gentle waves, leaving behind an ache in his heart.
"you're trespassing," he grumbles, his voice carrying a weight that extends far beyond the boundaries of his garden. it's a warning, a silent one for you to stay away, to spare him the agony of reliving the memories that threaten to consume him. but even as he speaks the words, he knows deep down that it's not just his garden you're trespassing into— it's his heart, too.
sukuna does not wish to love you, loving you hurts, it makes him what he hates the most, it makes him weak. once, long ago, he was foolish to love you. he never uttered those words aloud, but the way his gaze softened in your presence spoke volumes. you were the only one who managed to carve a place for yourself in his heart, a place he thought was forever closed off to the world.
he doesn't want to care about you. to him, you should be nothing more than a passing nuisance, easily disposed of if it serves his purpose. yet, as he gazes upon your innocent face, memories long buried begin to resurface, tugging at the frayed edges of his carefully constructed facade.
sukuna despises what you evoke within him, a vulnerability he thought he'd long since buried beneath layers of ruthlessness. as the sun caresses your features with its gentle warmth, he can't help but feel a pang of longing deep within his chest. it's a sensation he's tried to suppress, to bury beneath the weight of his power and dominance. after all, he's the feared king of curses, not some lovesick fool. but even he can't deny the allure of your presence, the way you effortlessly weave your way into the recesses of his darkened heart.
in the depths of his being, sukuna knows he shouldn't miss you. he shouldn't yearn for the days when your laughter echoed through the corridors of his mind. yet, despite his best efforts to cast you aside, a part of him remains tethered to you, unable to sever the invisible threads that bind him to your memory.
your love, once radiant as the sun, pierced through the darkness shrouding his heart, illuminating corners he never knew existed. it was pure, untainted, a beacon of hope in his desolate existence. even in his darkest moments, he couldn't bear to extinguish your light, for fear of losing himself entirely. but then, like a flickering flame snuffed out by a sudden gust of wind, you were gone.
the memory of holding you close as you slipped away, your warmth fading into cold nothingness, still haunts him to this day. yet amidst the pain, there was a promise— a whispered vow that one day, you'd find each other again. and somehow, against all odds, you did. but fate had robbed you of the memories that once bound you together.
he watches you now, your smile as bright as ever, oblivious to the love you once shared. it's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing that you'll never remember the depth of your connection, the intensity of the love that once burned between you. forgotten memories of your presence flood his mind, stirring emotions he thought long buried.
he should be able to snuff out your existence without a second thought, should revel in the sight of your blood staining the verdant valley, your cries piercing the tranquil air. but as you stand before him, oblivious to the darkness lurking within him, he finds himself paralyzed by indecision.
his soul screams at him to act, to rid himself of this weakness once and for all. but his heart, that traitorous organ, refuses to comply. how can you, with your pure heart and untainted spirit, still evoke such conflicting emotions within him?
sukuna prides himself on his selfishness, on his willingness to betray and manipulate to achieve his desires. and yet, in your presence, he finds himself questioning whether his desire to hold you close once more is too selfish, whether his darkness would tarnish your purity.
and a part of him wonders if you'd fall in love with him again, wonders how you did the first time. would your hands feel the same, tracing the contours of his face with that delicate touch? would your lips still taste as sweet, brushing against his with that familiar tenderness?
"'kuna?" you murmur softly, looking up at him to see if he's paying attention. and for a fleeting moment, he's transported back to a memory he holds dear, etched into the deepest recesses of his heart.
"'kuna?" you had called out one day, perched elegantly on his lap, nestled against him as if you belonged there. his hand, protective yet tender, rested on the small of your back, ensuring you remained secure in his embrace. your legs were tucked into his, absentmindedly toying with some strands of his hair. "hm?" he responded, his gaze half-heartedly softening as he met your doe-like eyes, a hint of amusement dancing within their depths.
"do you think in every universe, we're together?" you inquire, your voice tinged with a hopeful innocence that tugs at his heartstrings. he let out a scoff, a familiar gesture masking the warmth that blooms within him, his fingers instinctively threading through your hair as you playfully swat them away. you're so naive and innocent, believing in such stupid things.
"that's absurd," he retorted, though the corner of his lips quirked upward in a ghost of a smile, unable to deny the affection that lingers between you. love, he once believed, was a fleeting illusion, a mirage in the desert of existence. he scoffed at the notion of eternal love, dismissing it as a fanciful delusion born of naive optimism. how could love endure when humanity was plagued by sin, disloyalty, and obstinance? it seemed absurd to place faith in something so fragile, so easily shattered by the harsh realities of life.
"hey..." you pouted, your bottom lip jutting out in a playful display of mock indignation, your eyes sparkling with mischief. "well, i believe we are," you declare, a stubborn determination coloring your words as you stick out your tongue in defiance.
"such a meanie," you'd muttered under your breath, though your protest is laced with affection as he pulled you closer, enveloping you in the warmth of his embrace. and he's snapped out of his thoughts once more when he hears your voice cut through his memories.
"ah, i'm sorry," the present you sheepishly mumbles, catching yourself mid-ramble and rubbing the back of your head with an embarrassed smile. "i'm boring you, aren't i? it's getting late; i should be going."
with a resigned sigh, you glance up at sukuna, feeling a flush of embarrassment color your cheeks. you hadn't meant to prattle on to a stranger, especially one who felt so oddly familiar and comforting, like a warm, fluffy blanket on a chilly evening. as you start to move away, ready to bid your unexpected companion farewell, one of sukuna's arms shoots out, gripping your wrist firmly and halting your departure.
despite everything, you're still here, standing before him, a familiar presence that refuses to fade into oblivion, and he finds himself unwilling to sever the crimson thread of fate that you once fervently believed bound you together. he's unsettled of the idea of allowing himself to love you again, yet, at this moment, his greatest fear is not in loving you, but rather in the prospect of forgetting you altogether.
confusion flickers across your features as you look up at him, but he refuses to meet your gaze, his expression unreadable. the soft hues of the pink sunset cast a gentle glow over you both, and in that moment, you could swear you see a faint flush tingeing sukuna's cheeks.
he still considers you foolish for believing in an everlasting love. and yet, as he looks into your eyes, he doesn't believe an eternity with you would be too bad. in fact, he wouldn't mind it at all. he mutters gruffly, though his voice betrays a hint of annoyance, and yet, inexplicably, your heart leaps at the invitation.
"speak."
and with that stupidly charming grin on your face, you do.
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© SUNTORU 2024. do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works on any platform.
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harmoonix · 4 months
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Dangerously Beautiful
❀ (Astrology Observations) ❀
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𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺
❀: Lilith (h12) aspecting the ascendant (all aspects) is in the top aspect for dark feminine energy which can be felt in their energy/aura
❀: Lilith (h12) quincunx/inconjunct the ascendant can be though because the native has a hard time to feel safe in their sexual energy, is like they are always restricted from something. Once you heal the pain you'll feel better
❀ Neptune in the 8th house can make you to have sexual fantasies, sometimes it's getting to dark or deep and they can visualise it in real life
❀ Aphrodite Asteroid (1388) aspecting Venus in all the aspects are very charming, they have some femme fatale energy in this too, they are hypnotizing with beauty
❀ Venus and Mars in the same house or aspecting eachother are radiating lot of sexual energy, this energy because is aspecting Mars can mostly be felt by men but by the women too in some cases
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❀ Leo/Scorpio/Aries/Capricorn in the 7th house usually attract dominant spouses or partners, partners who usually have a boss energy, loyal partners aswell
❀ Mars aspecting the ascendant (all aspects) have a wild & fierce personality, they're love getting wild and just feeling themselves in their natural element, they're bold af tho
❀ Libra Moon/Libra Venus have a common energy, let me tell you they attract people like crazy, because of their character and personality these natives are very liked by people but most times end up being confused about their love life
❀ Mars in the 1st/6th/11th house axis need a lot of stimulationnnnn girl move your body your muscles, your neck,...dance til your feet get tired your body needs a lot of MOVINGGGG
❀ Men with Venus in a Fire Sign will love you with passion it actually depends cus Leo Venus Men gets crazy when they're in love but most of fire Venus men will give that passion you need (Or I hope they give that energy either they're boring like???😀🙌🏼)
❀ 10th house placements love to spoil the people they love esp Sun/Venus and Saturn they'll be like "I'll buy whatever you want cus you deserve it luv" 😩❤️
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❀ Venus - Saturn aspects are underrated in love because yes they brings some challenges or struggles in love life but when you learned the lessons of love karma will give you loyal and appreciated partners
❀ Sun in the 7th house will focus most of their life on relationships or on finding a good partner for them because Sun shows where you shine the most they shine in a relationship (possible healthy relationship)
❀ Sagittarius/Taurus & Aquarius and possibly Pisces Venus are very open minded people in their relationships like they will understand their partners flows and downs 100% and sometimes even relate to it
❀ Moon - Pluto aspects (all aspects) can get obsessed/CLINGY or possesive in a fast way to those dear to them. Hope it doesn't go into the toxic side but they're actually attached hard for real
❀ Saturn in the 5th/6th/8th and 12th houses need to learn that privacy and intimacy are not something to fear with the right person, you won't be judged or mocked just loved by the right person
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❀ Venus in Water signs are so calm in love (depends on aspects I write based on the element right now), i know some Water Venus signs and they're like a river so calm and unbelievably they're not overthinking that much
❀ Mars/Jupiter will show your husband in the chart. I certainly believe if those planets are in the sign of Sagittarius or in the 9th house your husband will love to travel and probably will take you with them on trips
❀ Venus in Virgo/Venus in the 6th house, is such an empathetic placements full of empathy, surreal energy, and extremely nurturing!! They can come off as shy/introvert at first but they are truly amazing people deep down!! The beauty of this placement is that they will always dress good and have a good personality
❀ Jupiter aspecting the ascendant (all aspects) are so underatted when it comes to beauty in astrology, Jupiter expands the beauty and gives them a specific glow 🌟
❀ Jupiter aspecting Lilith (h12) can be the horniest people alive, like omg 24/7?? 48/24??😀 They're so dirty minded at times and can indicate a lot of sexual energy
❀ If you have a Capricorn Mars/Jupiter and you're attracted to men I just know your man is gonna respect you so much and gonna put a lot of effort in the relationship
❀ Jupiter - Juno (3) in good aspects shows a very optimistic/supportive marriage/relationship between you and your specific person like supporting eachother is so important
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❀ Uranus - Juno aspects will probably have a spouse/partner that will stand out of the crowd for their unique nature, inteligent & innovative
❀ Mars in the 8th house = To you all those people who have been blessed with Mars in this house, guys you will have the bed being broken 24/7 🙌🏼
❀ Sun aspecting Lilith or Mars have a pulling fierce energy they're usually very strong and determinated from a young age and of course rebellious
❀ Juno in Aquarius natives will have a spouse/partner who will do the things in their own ways, they can possibly have a lot of friends and being very social and open with you
❀ Asteroid Born 13954 aspecting Juno 3 can actually indicate you were born to have that specific relationship or that specific partner usually in romantic ways
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❀ Asteroid Cassanova 7328 - ascendant aspects know how to seduce people with their words/voice they're FLIRTY AF and so damn naughty
❀ Asteroid Bless 92891 - aspecting Groom/Briede and Juno can be blessed with beautiful relationships/spouses/marriage/wedding etc.. is so cute
❀ Asteroid Sappho (80) in Taurus/Gemini/Sagittarius/Pisces/Virgo can have relationships with the same sex or dating the same sex people+ being attracted to it
❀ Sometimes Juno/Groom/Briede in Aquarius/11th house or aspecting Uranus can indicate meeting your lover in online, maybe on a dating app or just randomly in online
❀ People with Vesta Asteroid in the 1st house can experience things way more deep than others, usually these natives are very devoted and loyal they're truly so blessed
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❀ Asteroid Charis (627) in Leo/5th house can end up with people crushing ont them without they realizing it sometimes people talking how charming you are
❀ Asteroid Charis (627) in the 3rd house aspecting Mercury or in Gemini has a charming voice, people will get pleased by hearing your voice and find it charming
❀ Asteroid Charis (627) in Scorpio/8th house or aspecting Pluto will definitely have a magnetic look and aura they're just like a bomb of magnetism and passion
❀ Charis aspecting Juno is one of the cutest aspects out here, your partner/spouse/specific person will find you charming/beautiful and the thing can be reciprocated/Let's not talk about how charming your marriage can be
❀ If you have Saturn in the 5th/6th/7th/8th house and you're struggling with your love life I understand you perfectly 🙌🏼 with the time you will understand that Saturn just wants the best for you and that lasting relationships come with the time
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❀ Uranus/Moon in the 6th house can have habits that usually tend to be transmitted to other people for example you may like gaming/playing etc that specific thing can be pulled into others and then you wake up with people having the same habits as you
❀ Moon aspecting Uranus can go through 1000 changes of mood per day and is no joke from feeling happy to angry to sad to nostalgic etc..is like is messing with your mood
❀ Cancer/Pisces over the 5th/6th house axis have such a soft/kind energy you can see in their personality/aura that they are good people
❀ Venus in the 4th house and Venus in Cancer will baby you 24/7 like they're so mother energy?? damn I see my friends with those placements babying everyone in the friend group & be like "I'm gonna take care of you all" 😚😚
❀ Venus in Aquarius/Venus in the 11th house, my apologies for not talking enough about how gorgeous this placement is for the planet Venus!! Is unique/different (in a good way) it's an electric placement, a very beautiful fashion style, very social/open minded and honestly is always surrounded by people
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𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺
🦇 I luvvv the vampire aesthetic 🦇
🦇 Be blessed you all who read the notes 🦇
𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺𖠺
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teddytoroa · 1 year
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we took a bus to like 4 towns over, did christmas shopping, walked the length of a long ass beach, walked through a massive public reserve, got lost in an area we thought was residential but it turned out it was just giant posh boatsheds, then walked several kilometers downriver home. and my whole body hurts so bad but i had a really great day so im happy. we saw soooo many oystercatchers and black swans and shags (including spotted shags!! rare guys) and TWO herons and ducks and a bajillion seagulls and some yappy little dogs and some sheep fragments and loads of tui and assorted finches and it was great i love going outside
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iwanthermidnightz · 11 months
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When I think back on the Speak Now album, I get a lump in my throat. I have a feeling it will always be that way, because this period of time was so vibrantly aglow with the last light of the setting sun of my childhood. I made this album, completely self-written, between the ages of 18 and 20. I've spoken about how I feel like those ages are the most emotionally turbulent ones in a persons life. Maybe when I say that, I'm really just talking about myself.
I think they might just be the most idealistic, hopeful years too. At this point in my life, I had released my second album, Fearless. It became the breakthrough moment I'd always dreamt of, one that catapulted my career to new realms of success. It had brought with it a tidal wave of pressures and pitfalls and growing pains. All the while, I was encountering the milestones and checkpoints of normal teenage growth. I had cataclysmic crushes and brushes with heartache. I moved out of my parents' house and set my bags down in a new apartment. I hung photos on my own walls and decorated the space where I would sob and cackle and shatter and dream. Sometimes I felt like a grown up, but a lot of the time I just wanted to time travel back to my childhood bed, where my mom would read stories to me until I fell asleep.
In my darker moments, I was tormented by the doubt that swirled loudly around my ascent and my merits as an artist. I was trying to create a follow up to the most awarded country album in history, while staring directly into the face of intense criticism. I had been widely and publicly slammed for my singing voice and was first encountering the infuriating question that is unfortunately still lobbed at me to this day: does she really write her songs? Spoiler alert: I really, really do.
In the years since, I've developed a thicker skin about public criticism and the cynicism with which some people approach the music I make. At that time, it leveled me. I had these voices in my head telling me that I had the perfect chance and I blew it. I hadn’t been good enough. I had given it all I had and been found wanting.
I wanted to get better, to challenge myself, and to build on my skills as a writer, an artist, and a performer. I didn't want to just be handed respect and acceptance in my field. I wanted to earn it. To try and confront these demons, I underwent extensive vocal training and made a decision that would completely define this album: I decided I would write it entirely on my own. I figured, they couldn't give all the credit to my cowriters if there weren't any. But that posed a new challenge: It really had to be good. If it wasn't, I would be proving my critics right.
I had no idea how much this pain would shape me. That this was the beginning of my series of creative choices made by reacting to setbacks with defiance. That my stubbornness in the face of doubters and dissenters would become my coping mechanism through my entire career from that point forward. This exact pattern of enacting my own form of rebellion when I feel broken is exactly why you're reading these very words, and I'm re-releasing this album now.
I went through my first worldwide scandal (the mic grab seen around the world). I experienced the weirdness of trying to get to know a boy while a swarm of paparazzi surrounds the car. Media contacting my publicist for an official statement on why two teenagers broke up. These are weird experiences to have at any age, but even more surreal when you're 19.
I had the nagging sense that in the most intense moments of my life, I had frozen. I had said nothing publicly. I still don't know if it was out of instinct, not wanting to seem impolite, or just overwhelming fear. But I made sure to say it all in these songs. I decided to call the album Speak Now. It was a play on the speak now or forever hold your peace' moment in weddings, but for me it symbolized a chance to respond to the chatter and commentary around my own life.
Some of these emotional revelations were surprising to people. Some expected anger and instead got compassion and empathy with 'Innocent'. Some expected a kiss-off breakup song but instead got a hand-on-heart apology, 'Back to December. It was an album that was the most precious to me because of its vast extremes. It was unfiltered and potent. In my mind, the saddest song I've ever written is 'Last Kiss'. My most scathing is 'Dear John' and my most wistfully romantic is 'Enchanted'.
I'll be forever proud of setting a goal and seeing it through. I'lI always feel shivers all over when I remember singing 'Long Live' to close the show every night on tour. The outstretched hands of those bright and beautiful faces of the fans. Their support was like an open palm that reached out and helped me up off the ground when others were, frankly, mean.
These days I make my choices for those people, the ones who thought I had been good enough all along. I try to speak my mind when I feel strongly, in the moment I feel it. I'm still idealistic and earnest about the music I make, but I'm less crushed when people mock me for it. I know now that one of the bravest things a person can do is create something with unblinking sincerity, to put it all on the line. I still sometimes wish I was a little kid again in a tiny bed, before I ever grew up.
I always looked at this album as my album, and the lump in my throat expands to a quivering voice as I say this. Thanks to you, dear reader, it finally will be.
I consider this music to be, along with your faith in me, the best thing that's ever been mine.
Yours,
Taylor
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