#it feels weird to post again o

[homielander]

the most interesting character detail about maeve through which i have extrapolated at least half my understanding of her is that she prefers to be called maeve. i frequently see "maggie" pop up in meta and fic as her chosen name, but quite literally nobody calls her that, including (and most significantly) elena. elena is maeve's tether to her humanity and her refuge away from vought, yet even elena only ever refers to her as maeve. (and in season 2, we learn that maeve started dating elena before she joined the seven -- before queen maeve's popularity would have become so inescapable that she would feel compelled to introduce herself by that name.) it's especially notable that in her final scene, maeve refers to starlight as annie for only the second time, but she is still called maeve by both annie and elena.

here's what we know about maeve's life as maggie: she had a rocky relationship with her father whom she doesn't seem to speak to anymore, she's from a "cousin-fucker hick town" as described by homelander -- i can't imagine this place being terribly lgbt-friendly, and she generally lacks connection with anyone she would have known before becoming queen maeve. she doesn't have fond memories of this time of her life, and perhaps that extends to all associations with it, including the name maggie.

i tend to think that becoming queen maeve was, in many ways, self-actualizing for her. the act that garners her national attention and earns her a ticket to vought is a heroic one -- she breaks every single bone in her right arm to save a school bus from falling off a bridge. and i know madelyn says she is responsible for the mythos of queen maeve, but this character was still aspirational, and likely someone maeve wanted to live up to. in any case, this new identity gave her a purpose and tools to achieve it: she wanted to help people! by her own admission, maeve enters vought bright-eyed and hopeful, not far off from annie. (maeve is also one of the only supes in the seven not to know about compound v -- she doesn't strike me as religious but believing she's among the very few born with powers would have strengthened her internal drive to be a hero.)

it's for the same reason that i think maeve actually... liked having powers? of course she says otherwise in her last season, but season 3 maeve is cynical and weary from about two decades of dealing with vought and homelander's abuse. they've used her first as the token woman and then the token gay person of the seven. after growing largely passive to the brutality of the job, the flight 37 incident forces her to confront all of the violence she's witnessed and tolerated. she's given pieces of herself away and she loathes the husk of herself that's left. i don't find it surprising that she would want to relinquish every single connection to vought, including her powers.

assuring herself that she will be better off without her powers comes with an added benefit: she gets to distinguish herself from homelander, who would be lost without his powers. and i think she is eager to make this distinction in her mind because there are some uncomfortable similarities between their initiations into vought. the mantle of homelander allows him to exert agency for the first time in his life, just as the mantle of queen maeve endows her with purpose for the first time in hers. (crucially, none of his current circle call him john, either.) they both enjoy being the most powerful superheroes in the world, the unending public adoration, and (in my interpretation) each other. they're also both overwhelmingly lonely and they know it -- homelander teases her multiple times about how she has no friends with a bit more bite in every passing season, while maeve is keenly aware of his isolation and exploits his yearning for love pretty effectively.

maeve steadily grows disillusioned with her position at vought because she still has a moral code, suppressed though it may be. even so, she nearly relents to homelander's vision: that they will be lonely at the top but lonely together. she's pulled out of her miserable state of inaction by annie and elena. annie reminds her of what a hero should be (what she was, once); elena offers her a way out of vought, serving as maeve's light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

she escapes that tower as maeve, not maggie. she rejects homelander's god complex which engenders his cruelty towards regular people and 'lesser' supes -- no one will call her queen maeve ever again, at least -- but it is still important to her to be a hero, and for better or for worse, she found that as maeve. i feel like she'd struggle to exist without her powers (possibly the self-awareness hasn't settled in yet) for all the reasons mentioned above. i like to think that eventually, she'll circle around to helping people and resisting vought however possible -- albeit on a smaller, more covert scale so she can continue living a peaceful life with elena.

#sorry for this word vomit i have just been thinking about maeve! what's in a name... #motivated by 2 years of reading takes about maeve wanting to be a normie (during s1-3 and prior) that i don't rly agree with #i'm not offering this as the 'right' interpretation of course this is just what makes sense for me!! #i have a couple of things i wanted to add (particularly re: maeve x HL since i know how consensual their relationship was #is controversial and i feel a bit weird slipping in that characterization of it w/o any follow-up) #but for now i am just going to say it fits with how i perceive her character trajectory and leave it there?? #because i don't want to disrupt this post my thoughts on that #i also have mixed feelings on her ending but again not the post for it i suppose #queen maeve #the boys #maeve x elena #maeve x homelander #annie x maeve #supe names in this show are interesting... curious to see what they will do w annie next season

[luck-of-the-drawings]

when i was in highschool one o my biggest coping mechanisms was drawing all the kids i hated getting killed and eaten and killed. and well. time is a slowly ascending spiral. you will find patterns.(i work as a blackjack dealer. gamblers are FASCINATING

#cw blood #luckys original content #ITS SMALL BUT ITS ART SO IT GOES ON THE ART BLOG #also wwaooooww its meee its my lil persona!!! i dont draw myself enough.... #anyway i have bigger things in the works. im slowly but surely chipping away at a pd thumbnail for that pd thumbnail project #FINALLY COLORING. BUT COLORING IS SO HARD AND I HAVNT BEEN IN THE COLORING MOOD #SO IVE JUST BEEN MAKING RLY DUMB COMICS INSTEAD... OOPS.. #idk if anything finished n polished will be posted here anytime soon. BUT i post wips of everything on my twitter #and i post jrwi exclusive wips on my slucky blog. you may look at those if u have Truck Art Wishdrawls. as many do. as many do #THIS BLACKJACK JOB IS RLY AWESOME BTW DONT GET ME WRONG #i work three 12-hour days ina row. i gotta take an hourlong bus up to the depths o the mountains and then #i get to stay in this delightful lil hotel that was built in an ooold hospital. its a whole casino town. and an OLD one at that #ITS GORGEOUS HERE. last week my bus home was delayed for 2 hours #so i finally got the chance to head to other casinos and try drinkin n gambling. lost ten bucks to a pretty girl. NOT the first time #i rlly wanna try it again!!! i love interracting w ppl and i love being inebriated in public bc im just so sweet and pleasant and friendly #and pretty girls LLOOOOVEE MEEEEE i think i just need to go to gay bars more #but theres fucking NONE HERE. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im collectin comrade queers up here tho #we wanna make a Group but we just gotta come up witha name first. i need something weird and strange #yknow i remember being in highschool. and being miserable n unmedicated. my mommas ultimatum was that; #if i dont drop out of highschool; i dont need to move out. she probably wouldntve kicked me out anyway bc my mommas sweet like that but #she REALLY wanted me to graduate. and i remember dreading that i might never do that #i remember feeling like the Resident Idiot. sweet but so so fucking dumb. it took me 7 years of strife n stress before i finally graduated #i remember worrying back then that i might not ever be able to handle myself out there. that i'd be too dependant on others #AND HERE I AM. DID U KNOW I WAS LOOKIN AT HOUSES A WHILE AGO? IM AN ADULT AND IM WWINNINNNGGGGGGG #IM RUNNING OUTA ROOM BUT HERES MY ADVICE TO YOU. BC I KNOW UR FUCKING SCARED TOO. THE ONE THING THAT SAVED ME. #THAT KEPT ME FROM SINKING INTO DESPAIR IS REMEMBERING ONE THING: ITS LITERALLY JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #MOST PPL YOU CAN JUST WALK UP TO N ASK A QUESTION N THEYLL ANSWER. THEYRE ALL NPCS THEYRE NOT REAL #LIKE IF U WALK INTO A BANK AND ASK HOW A DEBIT CARD WORKS THEY WILL HELP YOU #AND IF YOU THINK THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES RELATING TO MONEY. YOU CAN ASK THE CUSTOMERS TOO. ITS JUST LIKE VIDEO GAMES #ANYWAY STAY SAFE KIDS HAVE FUNNNNN. IM GOING TO GO DO DRUGS NOW. HOPE U CAN DO DRUGS SOON TOO. I LOVE YOU

[candyheartedchy]

Just want to thank everyone who’s been enduring my Spo.ngeBob fixation these past few days.

#i know it might be annoying to some that I kinda just abandon my other f/o(s) rn and ended up really hyper focus on the sponge #but I never had so much fun self shipping with a character before #and I know I mentioned this before but to openly ship with him now makes me so happy I don’t think y’all understand #and I know it’s my blog and I can do whatever but I’m still nervous I’m coming across annoying and weird #but at the same time I kinda don’t mind??? like I should be happy and express my love for my favorite fictional character! #but I do feel guilty about leaving my other f/o(s) in the dust especially Scratch #it’s just I have so much shipping stuff I want to finally explore and share #and that’s why I been posting so much so fast because it was all kinda bottled up this whole time #and now it feels like the floodgates are open #and there’s just SO MUCH I want to talk about #so again thank you everyone who’s been supporting my ship and art #💬 chy chatter 💬

[lulladae]

just woke up and boop button gone what's even the point

#i'll never get as many notifs as that again :( #i also just liked smacking people via cat paw #what do you mean i need to tag my posts so i can get notes #joke #funny #is that good. it feels weird. #boop #boop o meter #tumblr boop #the boopening

[3amsnek]

new icon time bc the moment we hit double digits on the halloween countdown my brain genuinely straight up forgot it was still summer

#*changes my icon and immediately forgets so I get jumpscared every time I use hold to rb on mobile* #oh yeah and here’s this funky guy. haven’t posted him before #he exists bc my hand shook in the wrong direction when messing around with a completely different Weird Cat concept and I went o shit that’s #better actually #my art? #my oc art #character art #original character #oc art #furry #character design #ignore that this draft is almost three weeks old just don’t even worry abt it #life is. hahahaahaha. so much rn my summer has been Dog and Constant Stress and art is just. not able to be a priority rn #so ofc I have many ideas :’) someday im gonna be able to do things just bc i feel like it for more than five minutes again. someday #i do have like 4? i think? finished pcs of Bear Art from the past few months that i might post for fbw let me know if you want that perhaps #but that’s not for another month or two I think? i should know that im sorry brooks falls bearcam i have failed :( #there’s some stuff in the drafts i forgot I didn’t post too actually #maybe I’ll get around to that with my. very minimal free time the next couple of days (<- probably won’t) #on that note #if you commissioned something from me and I haven’t posted it pls don’t be sad i am simply attempting to survive the summer #my brain is not good in hot weather under the best of circumstances and this has not been those #I Do plan to post them they just take more brain than like. this quick silly doodle for myself to draft out #i know ppl probably are not worried i am simply. afraid. #anyways. look a creature

[hailsatanacab]

Chapters: 12/? Fandom: Danny Phantom, Batman - All Media Types Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Danny Fenton & Damian Wayne, Batfamily Members & Danny Fenton Characters: Danny Fenton, Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake, Damian Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth Additional Tags: Good Sibling Damian Wayne, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Danny Fenton and Damian Wayne are Twins, Danny Fenton Needs A Hug, Implied/Referenced Torture, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Not Phantom Planet Compliant (Danny Phantom), Bad Parents Jack and Maddie Fenton, Gun Violence, Blood and Violence, Gunshot Wounds, Mugging, Medical Torture, Vivisection, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attacks, Child Neglect, Past Child Abuse Summary:

“If you ever find yourself in danger, go to Bruce Wayne. He will help you.”

His mother had loved him, in her own way. If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have helped him escape. If she hadn’t, she would have dragged him back to the League of Assassins, to Grandfather. If she hadn’t, he’d be dead.

She loved him, but she loved the League more.

Jack and Maddie Fenton loved him too, they did, but they loved their work more.

They loved their work more.

--

After his parents react poorly to his reveal, Danny escapes to the only person he thinks can help him - Bruce Wayne. He doesn't know what to expect when he gets there, but it has to be better than where he is, surely? He certainly doesn't expect to be reunited with his long lost twin brother Damian. It's funny how things work out that way.

Danny is 16 years old, not Phantom Planet compliant

--

Chapter 12!! Chapter 12!! Chapter 12!!

#dpxdc #danny phantom #batman #danny phantom crossover #dp x dc #well here it is chapter 12!! #kinda weird t o be on chap 12 #i'm running out haha #welp gonna be honest here kids... not sure how much i like this chapter #perhaps it's because it's the first one i've written since taking the break but like... idk it just doesn't feel right #it is what it is haha #idk is it too short? but then at the same time it feels too long? #pacing is all off #i'm not happy with it and there's TOO MANY EMDASHES #and they're all used incorrectly too but that's my god given right as a fanfic writer lmao #oh no niece ivy is crying and i think it's because my nails are clacking too loudly on the keyboard but sorry bby i'm updating my fanfic #this is more important rn #it's fine guys she was just whining in her sleep she's snoring again bless her #i just think it could do with going another few rounds in the edit machine but the edit machine is broken and craving validation #so it's been posted lmao #idk i think it's because we're also entering some very angsty chapters #and i'm so worried how people are going to receive that too #ah well #jeeezy wheezy these tags are depressing #sorry #i'm tired and still with a horrid cough so i'm allowed to be #don't look at me #uh. anyway. despite all of this i hope you enjoy the new chapter haha #good luck! ignore any and all emdashes #love you guys

[ghostcrows]

ugggh man the

the young pb episode is like. its sweet but its also like if i was finn i would kms immediately after all of that. the psychological fuckery would ruin my brain. i kinda get why he was huddled over a piece of her hair for an episode

#im not saying anything about pb i get why she did it too.. kind of #like wanting to be a kid again and being a little escapist about things #wishing they were different #but the immediate distance OWCH #like i see young pb as them just exploring a what could have been with the worlds shortest retcon #but...ya if me as a 13 y/o who already didnt get why age gaps like that were harmful #had my crush become my age and reciprocate my feelings and then as quick as that happened #she turns older again and wants nothing like that to do with me #id be destroyed by that #its still...its an uncomfortable concept to me the whole premise of it but i think you just cant overthink it idk #you have to think like youre finns age or close to it to not be a little weirded out in retrospect #adventure time posting

[rox-of-iu]

@ the people saying kind words and offering me english alternatives for the czech in my last post

first of all, I know you mean well and I love you to bits and I'm giving you a little kissy, ok? But... guys I do know English phrases... hahhah

Listen,,,, I am chronically online and I do actually have a certificate from C2 exams that is just 5 points shy of being 100%. I Know it absolutely doesn't look that way but that's just because I'm the laziest guy around and I don't feel like fixing it after myself when I have the excuse of being a foreigner- sahdjsd

so when i use czech words it is not out of the necessity of not knowing any substitutes but just me goofing around and going haha funny word go brr

#man this is probably coming of as mean and super defensive but its not supposed to be 😭😭 (tones still hard in any language) #it is genuinly super nice of you to try to help out!! and you couldn't have known so 💞 #but just throwing that out there....jasdhksdj #o(-( man #ykno like i said throwing in cz words is just me having fun with it #since its my scribble side blog and all that #because due to spending almost all my free time connected to english-centric internet my own language/culture took a bit of a backseat #like even in my day to day life which is very prevalent among lot of foreign people today #but i wont get into it now it doesn't rly matter #so me throwing in some funky words is me just having fun around and trying to bring some of it back while i doodle #but looking back at it it is prolly weird to do since ykno its Chinese so what is cz doing there and no one will understand it anyway #so ppl are probably left feeling confused or cheated out of something #so i should probably just stick with eng alternatives #oh well #idk why im even making this post this has completely derailed ashdk and again I'm not mad at beloveds who commented and left tags #it just made me think #and overthinking hahh bcuz im in the middle of stressful projects #plus tHE STUPIDASS UNI DOENST WANNA ACCEPT MY MONEY OK PLEASE TAKE IT I BEG OF U I WILL PAY EARLIER NEXT TIME (lying) #anyway thats all jhds uhh bye #wait im already having regrets about making this post in the first place man but i did spend valuable time typing it out so ughhh

[s2pdoktopus]

The strict Shijie

#and my first Jiang disciple OC. she was going to be the daughter but i decided against it XD #she's old enough to understand the drama and she's gonna have opinions that would matter and she'd feel strongly because #daddy-o was crying on the floor again #so no she's not gonna be THE child. the child has to be a literal kid who just likes to brag that she's gonna be sect leader one day #like Simba singing I just can't wait to be king #fuck that's a material right there... when she realizes that being leader means Jiang Cheng will die because duh? #how did Jin Ling become sect leader? #anyway back to the girl in the pic. she's the little brat's glorified nanny. how her role downgraded XD #little baby jiang mistress is scared of no one! but A-die and strict Shijie. #i kinda wanna make a post about all the jiang kiddos. like their backstories and the core of their characters and what they are in the sect #but also... too lazy to draw it XD #i have thought of a comic again tho. it has Wei WuXian. the territory I am afraid to breach XDDD #oh one of the reasons I decided not to go forth with strict shijie (yes she has no name. i should probably give her one) #is because I thought she looked boring. #i'm sorry MDZS characters looked too alike for me. and that's coming from someone who watch anime!!! #if I'm making an oc they have to at least look unique. strict shijie I think can pop in mdzs and I wouldn't think it weird. #that's how bland she is. but I have drawn her so... welcome to the club strict shijie!

[strwbrymlkshake]

Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(

#mine #oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times #but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry #like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie #im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc #i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me #thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related #anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that #ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired #// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always #because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life #like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing #me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little #so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die #every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt. #well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he #is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him #every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again #but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh #i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT #I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time #like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me #he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do #he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away

[stardustedknuckles]

You know that weird feeling once you know something is wrong with you and maybe even the nature of it but you're still Not Sure, Really. Like you tell people you have it, you defend it vehemently to doctors so you get your treatment, but you can be years into taking medication for that condition and some asshole part of you is still sometimes like "maybe I lied really well or didn't take into account other symptoms that could point to something that doesn't require meds and I'm actually just a big baby using a crutch someone else couldn't get." Willing to bet this is a feeling other people know too.

#this turned into a post about adhd but that is not how it started #it started because it is 9 PM and my body is heating up #because the pepcid i took for histamine issues at 10 o' clock this morning has roughly a 12-hour working period #and when it wears off all my histamine issues come back - starting with getting really hot again #and as I took my evenin dose I caught myself wondering if the fact that I feel better half an hour after this med might just be correlation #maybe I wouuld have felt better even if I didn't take it #which is fuckin stupid #anyway sometimes I also get weird about my adhd meds but less so these days #chronic-les

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

I haven’t been actively lately because I only just got internet and phone access where I’m staying rn and I finally have my new sim card in so I can have WIFI HALLELUJAH (I’m only supposed to have 1 hour phone time a day but no one needs to know heheheh)

Anyway I just wanted to say that I nearly died and I will still die and stand for Carson because he is amazing and a good person and season 6 isn’t in character but even if it was what happened to Thomas CLEARLY wasn’t even Carson’s fault and if you say it was then you SUCK and you’re WRONG!!! 😌 CARSON IS MY LIFE AMD MY WORLD AND THATS JUST SOMETHING FHAR YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!

#I’m so happy to have wifi back and I made plans w someone and talked to my mum one to one like a real person and everything’s been insane o #obviously like I was in the icu and now mental ward and it’s been some of the darkest most traumatic time of my life but after talking to th #the right ppl I feel hopeful again and like an entirely difffeernet person from this morning #random tmi life update #hopefully I’ll be able to draw something decent and I can post some Downton animals soon ☺️ lol #force everyone here to care about tiger carson <3 #still obsessed with him #weird stuff going ik this is weird but I like just got my internet and tumblr back and I’m like WHEEEEEEwWWWwwW #maybe there can br hope lifean da future for me #also probably the fucking shitton socktail of meds I’m on rn has something t di with it lol #i think I’m getting some more in. a bit but I’m gonna go to the art room or something and try to draw more or whatever #coz it’s too early to sleep and I’m bouncing with energy! #crazy like I couldn’t even walk by myself a couple days ago and now I’m like chatting with everyone and hyper ^~^ #idk whether to say I feel good or bad at this point coz idk what either means anymore but #yeah like I need that seeet sweet therapy pls fix my BRAIN and the dr upped my meds so Horay that should help too #suicide mention #not rly but just being safe tagging #death mention #? #idk it. and be triggering though I know #like the topic I mean #anyway I stand by and live carson and if you blame him in any way for Thomas suicide I’ll personally kill you

[hauntedpearl]

.

#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well #as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i #overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk #(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao) #(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S #SO FUN!!!) #anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~ #involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big #platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY. #with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly #really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right #but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group #and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk?? #it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason #even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level #of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough. #also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me #all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles & #LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??. #HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :( #personal lmao. #dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™ #i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting #bYE

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think #nyarla dni #(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only) #listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is #his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b #wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha #she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives #in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh #GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK. #it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT. #and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters #anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed #he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him #hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry #dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired) #anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed #(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he #insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex #half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he #needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw #her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh #was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY #look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean. #but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i #you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never #let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH #and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her #and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM #look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it #was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave

[higgs-the-god]

Hnng

#truly unless I like the piece a lot I may not post art again #it’s just. I DO do it for attention. and getting barely 5 fucking likes when I see ppl get hundreds is. #incredibly disheartening #it’s just. sure I’m probably blocked by half the fandom or shadow banned but christ #I’ve thought abt only posting commissions but the chance of being asked let alone #someone actually comm’ing me aside from friends is astronomically low #itssss justttttt at this point ds is one of Those interests where I can’t live w/o it #but it also causes me pains from many angles and it’s just. ugh. I don’t know #idk even reblogging art and seeing that almost 100% get more engagement is. not what I want to see #something something don’t blame yourself I probably wouldn’t reblog my art either and it’s my fault for being so. idk. much of a freak #to get blocked by half-to-most of the fandom #hnggg chews drywall. anyway ignore this iiiiiiii don’t wanna see any asks abt it HDJGJD makes me feel weird

[discoreptile]

Shellycoat

#heyo again posting in the ol tags #At a moral quandary but I guess I'll update yous on my life while I think of a way to sound it out #I am currently single. This is a big deal for me because I am coming to terms with my status as a serial monogamist #I think my ex has been not single longer than I have so I'm not feeling guilty about it. Just feels weird being single is all. #I'm doing the whole dating thing again. Have been on 2. First one I stayed at her spare room and freaking cried. Haven't spoken to her sinc #Second one I stayed in her spare room and she stayed with her roommate. Both times I didn't want things to go physical. Both over now. #The second one I was more optimistic for tho.Prominent thing was that she wanted me to date her and others. So I'm not exclusive with anyon #And I still maintain that. Doesn't feel good bc when I go on a date with one it feels like I'm cheating on the others. #But i have such low confidence that I don't want to turn anyone down or keep anyone waiting for me to ask them out. So idk what I'm doing #anyway. moral quandary. I just realized I can't actually talk about it. But I have to choose advancing my own career at the cost of my sou #it would be really nice to get some big £$£$ but I'd have to sort of betray new boss a little. Who has already given me permission to do so #it doesn't feel right. Shellycoat here is from new project. Ugh I dunno. I think I'm going o have to sell out just a little. #Bein single again shows me how behind I am for my age. Still can't drive still living with my best pal. Probably goin bald soon #then again I've been saying that for years now. Maybe I have a few years left of it. But yeah. I don't earn very much rn. When I get those #questionaires I'm often in the lowest bracket so i'm like “I am among the poorest of ppl then??” One lady stopped talking to me when I #told her I rented a flat. Which implies a lot of men my age own property already. But did they get them with their morals intact or did the #have to do a bit of backstabbing on the way? Anyway. I guess I'm happy that I'm not just whining about my love life.Maybe being single is o #still wanting to get out there. Maybe I'll make another post about that or whenever I'm not single lol