#idk it. and be triggering though I know

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

I haven’t been actively lately because I only just got internet and phone access where I’m staying rn and I finally have my new sim card in so I can have WIFI HALLELUJAH (I’m only supposed to have 1 hour phone time a day but no one needs to know heheheh)

Anyway I just wanted to say that I nearly died and I will still die and stand for Carson because he is amazing and a good person and season 6 isn’t in character but even if it was what happened to Thomas CLEARLY wasn’t even Carson’s fault and if you say it was then you SUCK and you’re WRONG!!! 😌 CARSON IS MY LIFE AMD MY WORLD AND THATS JUST SOMETHING FHAR YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!

#I’m so happy to have wifi back and I made plans w someone and talked to my mum one to one like a real person and everything’s been insane o #obviously like I was in the icu and now mental ward and it’s been some of the darkest most traumatic time of my life but after talking to th #the right ppl I feel hopeful again and like an entirely difffeernet person from this morning #random tmi life update #hopefully I’ll be able to draw something decent and I can post some Downton animals soon ☺️ lol #force everyone here to care about tiger carson <3 #still obsessed with him #weird stuff going ik this is weird but I like just got my internet and tumblr back and I’m like WHEEEEEEwWWWwwW #maybe there can br hope lifean da future for me #also probably the fucking shitton socktail of meds I’m on rn has something t di with it lol #i think I’m getting some more in. a bit but I’m gonna go to the art room or something and try to draw more or whatever #coz it’s too early to sleep and I’m bouncing with energy! #crazy like I couldn’t even walk by myself a couple days ago and now I’m like chatting with everyone and hyper ^~^ #idk whether to say I feel good or bad at this point coz idk what either means anymore but #yeah like I need that seeet sweet therapy pls fix my BRAIN and the dr upped my meds so Horay that should help too #suicide mention #not rly but just being safe tagging #death mention #? #idk it. and be triggering though I know #like the topic I mean #anyway I stand by and live carson and if you blame him in any way for Thomas suicide I’ll personally kill you

[spnintheyearofourlord]

Thinking about Sam and how central autonomy and violation is to his character. How many times and ways he had his choice taken away throughout the series. All the things we don’t know about his time with Lucifer, but are also so heavily implied that we do.

Imagining he eventually gets out of The Life and becomes a victim’s advocate. He ultimately decides not to try and pursue law school at this stage in his life—it’s been so long and so much has changed—but finishes his bachelor’s and pursues a master’s in social work. He never expected to end up here: the boy with the demon blood, no longer living out some doomed and twisted fate, helping people. He’s passionate about representing those made most vulnerable and unsafe in their own skin, supporting others as they come out the other side survivors, lending the compassion he’s always struggled to have for himself. Every time he listens to someone else’s story, helps connect them to resources, advocates for their case, he heals a little bit too.

#just thinking my little thoughts #sam winchester #supernatural #bodily autonomy #tw sa implied #cw sa implied #idk the best way to tag this?? just vague passing thoughts but I don’t want to trigger anyone so #sam posting #i just think it would be a fitting job for him #one of many great options #but i think he would find this fulfilling. and depending on why you think he was pre-law it would give him similar space to represent people #even if not in a court room #though who knows what type of law he planned to practice #I really think the show dropped the ball on exploring this particular facet of Sam’s trauma #they kept hitting the nail on the head with the autonomy theme and it *being the trauma* #but not enough follow through on Sam’s emotional damage™️ aside from tasty morsels here and there #sammy #<- for my own tagging system

[savage-rhi]

Magenta.

#i lost my job #even though they're not saying its because of my disability it is because of it #I've been applying to places and some of the safety nets i had fell through #im scared right now and feel very betrayed #i got enough to get me through the month but beyond that idk what to do #i have resources im looking into and as most know that doesn't put a dent into finances #i need help #i feel bad for asking and i know i preach people shouldnt feel ashamed #but i do get where folks are coming from with that #the shame is powerful especially when you pride yourself as someone that takes care of themselves #im open to ideas opinions whatever folks want to say #i haven't felt this triggered ptsd wise in a long time past homeless experience and work abuse has been creeping in #I'm trying to get to the good but its really hard seeing it right now after getting screwed for the millionth time #for something i can't control with my body #i guess on a good note that partnership meeting went well #it seems like an excellent opportunity but its also an investment and i don't have the means to put into that right now

[sonknuxadow]

sonic being given a picture frame and immediately having the perfect picture to put in it implies that he had pictures on hand . does he just carry pictures of his friends around or something . actually that would be a cute explanation for why amy thought that would be a good gift for him

#idk how in character this would be though #because i cant really see sonic as the kind of guy who would own a lot of stuff or carry much with him while hes running around #if he did keep a lot of pictures of his friends/adventures they would probably all just be kept in a box in one of tails' labs #not carried around with him #but i guess you could argue maybe he just happened to have said box nearby since they were streaming from tails' lab #okay wait i just had a thought #werent there really rare and difficult to trigger voice lines in sonic frontiers #that heavily implied the cyber corruption was messing with sonic's head and making him struggle to remember things #including things like his own name and why he was doing all this #what if that whole thing made him a bit afraid that something like that could happen again and he could forget his friends #and he started taking/keeping pictures more often because of that. i dont know

[the-witness-sys]

transfem alter fronting while the body is on its period???? is this gender-affirming????????

#im suffering but like #gender-affirming suffering #though it is VERY weird what do you mean we're bleeding but its okay #i know what a period is i just didnt think HAVING one would be such a mind fuck #lilith.txt #did #did osdd #did community #did system #osdd #osddid #i think we usually put more tags but its only suggesting me the others' tags #um #not my problem i guess? /lh #blood mention #idk if that might be a trigger #pls lmk if i missed anything

[smittenskitten]

Gmmtv on their group chat probably: anyone who wants to play psychotic batshit crazy bad guy, this is your chance.

Everyone: say no more, I am in ✋

#midnight museum #ngl episode 3 was a bit triggering though #who knew Bright would play crazy this well #good job #i know Nannon is also here idk who else might show up #midnight museum text

[ssaalexblake]

genuinely can't wait for jodie on bake off bc she Is going to be that weird one who takes the celeb version that exists only for raising money for charity, where the premise is basically that celebs make fools of themselves on tv by being bad at things to get people interested in a cause, too seriously, and she IS going to be weirdly die hard about winning and will go totally over the top. All to win an apron. An apron that you can just buy off their website where the proceeds go directly to charity. So you don't even need to actually win to get the prize.

#literally can't Wait #so glad she's gonna be on something that isn't Deeply miserable #(though. they always include a real person's story with cancer in this show and that IS very miserable and if you've not watched before #and may find that triggering i recommend skipping that part.) #but we know she's gonna be the weirdo about it #idk if she'll be good or bad at baking or just average but she'll be weird either way #(considering she's apparently refused to go on the chase bc of public humiliation reasons i'm gonna assume she can turn an oven on if she #agreed to go on it l o l)

[longeyelashedtragedy]

i feel really sad. just squashed under the heavy weight of sadness

#it's the way that no matter what i still can't see any happy endings for myself... #it's one of those days when i just want to disappear forever and none of my coping mechanisms are working #i know part of the reason is that i have to return to the extremely literally trauma triggering job on tuesday #i'm going to try to get transfered to a new (again) location to finish out my 'contract' plus i do like the skills i learn at my job #if they won't transfer me i will have to quit and i've never quit a job before #there's other things going on too though. idk. just hate that my life's turned out like this #but from what i've seen with my particular combination of mental issues #i've been punching above my weight almost my whole life #i hope this isn't the limit #brain stuff

[rivalsilveryuri]

let’s him walk around on my palm

ruby and sapphire

#VOICEMAIL #funny 2 me that viz just. made his reoccuring...........bathroom joke into him pourign a can off of rooftops. but everyone else is still #reacting like he's killing someone while he's likr 'i love recycling :)' and emptying a can of pepsi or somethign #sorry that its what first comes 2 mind with him. #but i DO like emerald.... he's kinda the only hoenn dexholder i ... like??????????????? not in the way i DONT like the other 2 i just don't #have much 2 say on them. but also because reading rs may actually trigger my ptsd i think. a little. ummm. so i dont remember basically any #of rubys half.. i remember saphs just fine thoguh. but yeah what was i on about. umm. oohhh yeah i like emerald thr best #kinda makes me mad how people just infantilise him and look over. basically everythign about him. like his sibling relationship with crys #+ his backstory + the shit under the surface for the way he acts.. #+the interaction they have as a trio because i find it kind of fascinating but its honestly the shortest amount of time 2gether a trios had #idk. it feels likr 2. people out there are actually interested in *emerald* himself #and everyone else just likrs. ............how everyone else sees him in universe.... and the rest see him how emerald wants to be seen. idk #always shy about character analysis cause i always worry im pulling at nothign and cooking nothing but i feel decently confident that- #-thats the whole point of emeralds character and his childhood and behaviour n etc. #i have NOT read oras though. umm. heard mixed things about it but who knows. itll take me 50 years 2 get there n e ways... #also emerald and wally. wish they interacted at LEAST cmon. unless ive brain fogged it but whateva........ #how did me talking about piss jokes turn into character analysis

[2-kamikou-1]

the way i am so fucking paranoid rn.

#i caj hardly sleep #i don't wanna have nightmares about it again #i dont want. to be vulnerable #even though nothing like that has happened while i sleep like what if it did and i just didn't know #and theres s first time for everything what if it happens #im so scared #this is honestly so fucking ridiculous though #it wasnt that bad. #n all this was triggered by basically nothing #i get the feeling I have just been lying about it my whole life and I've gotten so absorbed in it that I've begun yo believe #my own lies #and like logically i know thats untrue #but logic never did shit to help paranoia and fear like this did it. #god #idk #i just want it all to stop

[bloody-shadow666]

ate some strawberry yoplait and my mouth isn't swelling up so either yoplait uses fake ass strawberry chunks or my allergy was maybe temporary? Or maybe I'm just not allergic to THESE strawberries. will have to conduct more experiments. but first I think I want to experiment with eggs again because I'd kill for a breakfast burrito

#i know that strawberries can trigger mast cell instability and cause an allergic reaction that isnt the same as like #someone being normally allergic to peanuts or something #And it comes and goes #And there are theories that one of my other conditions is caused by a minor form of MCAS so I'm already possibly predisposed to that #Idk man strawberries are weird #In case anyone was ever wondering though Starburst uses real strawberry juice in their strawberry flavored starburst #skittles does not. #As for eggs i am allergic to egg yolk but only in the cooked form of normal egg #I can have it baked into foods just fine I just can't eat like. Scrambled eggd

[monster-noises]

Ahahahahaaha love love Love getting Medical Anxiety triggered by over hearing something at work and fucking Finally feeling normal by the end of the work day only to come home and Remember It

Best time

Good vibes

My insides are vibrating at a daaaaangerous frequency and it's Not Helping

#monster noises #i never know what to call this type of Ongoing Exaggerated Anxiety #cause I don't want to misues terms #and I don't think it's...... Active enough for me to qualify it as Paranoia Or Hypochondria #but it's got a Hairline trigger #(i.e useful tips posted benignly on the internet about how to check for/detect something - overhearing co workers talk about their health - #part of a podcast that portrays a catastrophic health event; all things that have sent me absolutely Spiralling #some that Continue to affect my behavior) #and a base level of Constant Fear that i just really wish i didn't have to deal with #i loose a lot of days were i'm just kinda puttering around not doing much unable to drum up the energy because my Brain is on Fire #trying to convince myself i either Am or Am Not on the verge of having a Stroke or some shit #and I don't talk about it a lot because......... #idk #seems like it's not serious enough to warrant it #though it absolutely is #and i don't want anyone to like... get concerned cause that's just gunna make Me Worse #and that's Really not gunna help

[theodore-lasso]

So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on

#bonus points for. the only photos of me w my Grandma are from me under 8 years old #so like. i wasnt close to her at all but death is v triggering for me w how badly my parents fumbled the bag w grief when i was growing up #brief context. mum got mad at me that my v close friend died like a week after her dad died bc she couldn't do two things at once #so everyone rallied around her in her grief and i went to two funerals and like ??? rotted i guess. #dad was in his painkiller era lol #anyway so im probably not gonna go to the funeral bc im just gonna be triggered the whole time #im less grieving her as a person and more grieving the fact that i never really. had grandparents. #like i barely ever saw her #even though i lived in the same city as her #i googled her name earlier and found out she wrote a chapter in a book about domestic abuse #and thats really the most ill ever know about her #i wanna read the chapter but idk #if it turns out that my grandpa was abusive and then my grandma left my mum and aunt with him by themselves to move to bali #im probably not gonna be thrilled #anyway even thats basically just closer to learning stories about people i dont know #wouldnt it have been nice to have. a family

[frobby]

prosekai i7 au where tsukasa is tenn and saki is riku 

#has this been said before? #i hope so #sorry i just started i7 and i cant stop thinking about tsukasa and saki #tsukasa has to leave to become an actor for saki's sake and they dont talk for years #hes still silly though he just doesnt know how to saki cuz woag shes older #the idolish stand-in is like leo/need but i dont think wxs is trigger i think he just does that after his contract ends or something #random but i always forget that saki and tsukasa arent twins #idk they seem twin-like #i7 #idolish7 #kujou tenn #nanase riku #prosekai #pjsk #project sekai #tsukasa tenma #saki tenma #pjsekai

[snow-and-saltea]

i dont know how to word this well but hopefully my point gets across. as ive gone through lots of manga/hwa/huas for the past few years, there's been a lot less hate for fat female characters, and when the author portrays negative traits in them, the comments are always up in arms to defend said character or point out that it was unnecessary and was adding onto a distasteful image of associating fat people = evil in media. that's good!

but i've realised that there's not as much defense or uproar when it's a fat male character? you know the one. they'll be drawn comically fat with tiny features to show that even the author thinks this character is a waste of time to put effort into giving them a design full of character details and an actual Story. they might even be bald in some cases to drive home the "lecherous old man preying on the helpless" image. they'll be bumbling, incompetent, the most inarticulate bastard in the story, and the author wants you to KNOW it. look at this guy. he's obviously meant to be hated. look how pathetic he is and how he pales in comparison with our hero, who is charming, pure snow-white in morality, Has Never Done Anything Wrong Ever.

the trouble is, unlike female fat characters that are often used as a sort of cynical, pessimistic evil whose entire identity is to prove that "sometimes you're ugly both inside and out", that isn't the case for fat male characters. in a way, fat female characters have a "way out", so to speak, because there IS a probable cause that's snowballed the problem until its become a mountain; particularly, the cord that binds how they're expected to perform in society (gender roles, sexism, internalised misogyny) and how they feel they aren't able to escape scrutiny anyways for being ugly, even if they're good. so why not go all the way? what's the use in being halfheartedly acknowledged for who you try to be, when you could be the worst version of yourself, and at least THEN they'll finally look at you proper? so a lot of fat female characters who turn evil are often in this line of thought, i think. despite how much they're trying to break free from the preconceived notions of what people want them to be, it still clashes with their innate desire to be seen, accepted, and loved by other people. so the answer to "redeem" them? simple. accept them. that's enough to write a satisfactory redemption arc to turn them "good" again.

but fat male characters... i've noticed that they're written with crimes much heavier and much more serious than their female counterparts. their appearance is never purely for the sake of psychological friction (stirring the pot, instigating distrust) in the story. we see them drawn with disgusting lustful expressions to show that they haven't moved past primitive desires (they're worse than children—they're children with an adult's ability to get what they want), touching people inappropriately, their minds always turning to the worst possible scenario, their dialogue always written with an undercurrent of narcissism, like the river of his own life was completely empty save for his own self-admiration. is that really all there is to them? how did they manage to get this far in life without ever experiencing or being convinced — or tried to be convinced — to change? has he, in all his years of living, never experienced a shred of empathy for others? has he never felt touched by the connection of another human being?

and then at the end of the story i know it was useless to ask these questions — he only existed as a plot device, as an antagonist for the final climax and resolution, the dragon to be slayed.

but he's not a dragon. he's a human, and despite his current problematic views on life or people, i'd like to try and imagine what it's like to "redeem" him.

but almost always, there IS no way. the author has cut off every possible escape route for him. he was always evil. he can't be helped. he can't change. he was always going to do this, so there's no point in imagining a world where he didn't.

but like. why? why do fat female characters get to be redeemed with the power of Love and Friendship but not him? why is it not enough for him to be bad, he must also be dangerous beyond recourse?

i don't really know the answer to this question, since i'm AFAB and i don't have insight on the matter beyond my own speculations. but the only thing i know is that it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth when i see him being toppled over as the final Evil, and everyone cheering in the comments with "i've always found him sus" "finally you disgusting pig" "i hope he never shows up ever again"

i have to say, i don't like the idea, especially in fiction, that people are irredeemable and unworthy of compassion. of course this isn't a plea to forgive them or to get them out of fictional jail or whatever, but i'd at least like to entertain the thought that i want to know the entirety of a person's character before writing them off, and you can do that in stories. i can't do that in real life. i would kill myself trying. sometimes people just hurt you and you have to accept that they hurt you to give yourself express permission to protect yourself.

but in fiction... are you really telling me that a world with dragons can exist but not the possibility of change for a character whose fate was set in stone the moment their shape was carved into existence?

#yuu rambles #idk idk idk. ive had a lot of thoughts about this for a while #btw anyone who interacts w this dont fuckin come at me with the all men are evil garbage #its prolly only gonna be seen by friends who follow me but just in case i wanna put it out there #i dont believe all men are evil though i do think theyre raised and incentivized to nurture traits that are #convenient for being evil effectively. but its taught not inborn meaning anyone can decide to change what they dont like #about themselves. its called accidents of birth bc we dont have a say in how we're born in what appearance in what environment #but as you grow up you do owe yourself the opportunity to be someone you're proud of #and to be honourable both in character and action #anyways. ANYWAYS!!!!!!! #idk man im just rambling. also there might be processing some Shit in here tehepero #u know how it be!!!! #i fuckin FORGOR to trigger tag this im sorry!!! #tw fatphobia