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#is this how headcanons work???
riewritten · 1 year
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SUGGESTIVE CONTENT AHEAD.
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SOMETIMES, there's just this lurking point of concern that Erwin couldn't stop kissing you while you're talking.
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"I'm sorry the eggs were burnt earlier," you sighed upon closing the door of his office.
He peaked his head from a huge folder with a smile. Instead of asking you to come over, he stood up and walked towards you.
"Well, it had a distinct smell." But his hands made you doubt if he actually was disappointed. It roamed around your waist, slid up your hands until it reached your shoulders. He pushed you softly so you'd be pinned at the door.
"Yeah. I'm such a terrible cook."
"Uh-huh," he went to your ear and showered it with chaste kisses.
"And when I took a day off for the household stuff." After all, you feel bad as Levi and Hange tease him about having a partner so ignorant of house management.
"Yeah?" He cupped your cheek next then peppered the other side with pecks. "How unfortunate." He didn't seem to hear it, though.
"Are you even listening?"
"I am."
"What did I say?"
"Uh... the egg was burnt?"
"And?"
He chuckled lowly; he had no idea what you said and he didn’t care one bit about it. All he’s concerned for is feel you further. He buried his head in the crook of your neck then landed another kiss. "You smell good today, so much for having the entire kitchen stink."
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AND IT'S NOT JUST THAT; sometimes, his hands seem as though it needs to be contained. So much for being known for his composure. It doesn't even matter what his mood is. Throughout such, you can’t help but have the urge do the same in pursuit of annoying him.
"Tired?" you mused as you handed him a cup of tea. He had his head down at the table. After a few seconds, Erwin sighed, shot you a look (and god the pity you had felt when you saw his eyes—so exhausted, so vulnerable, so in need of comfort), then tapped on his lap.
"What's with your lap?"
He let out a tsk. You knew what he meant and he’s not in the mood to tease around. "Please."
You let out a strained chuckle, sat on him, cupped his cheek and showered his face with kisses—from the bridge of his nose which you admire so much, corner of his eyes and lips, his temples, and when you went to the crook of his neck he closed his eyes with a sigh.
Well, he doesn't seem to be annoyed.
And so you did more. You languidly caressed his biceps, down, down, and down until you reached his thigh. You waited for his reaction, perhaps one akin to “What the hell are you on? You don’t do that a lot.” because a tired Erwin is a grumpy Erwin. But much to your surprise, he returned the actions very well.
Before his hands unbutton your top, you stopped him with a glare. “You are tired.”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Why are you not grumpy?”
“Uh,” the poor man was confused, “do you want me to?”
“You’re supposed to be irritable. Even Hange can’t mess around with you if you’re in the peak of exhaustion.”
He finally understood your agenda of vexing him, then. “Well, are you Hange?”
That was enough answer on your end. He can never be annoyed with you touching him. Admitting your defeat, you huffed and leaned your head on his chest.
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BUT WELL, if there's something to remember about Erwin, it's that he's never absolute.
"Can we do it?" He whispered with lips on the crown of your head.
"Do what?"
He didn't answer. You shot your head up with curled eyebrows and stiffled laugh.
Is he perhaps getting shy? Really? When both of you had already gotten this far?
Erwin huffed. He knows what you're thinking about. Don't get him wrong; he's not shy—he'd never be. It's just that both of you have been so direct, may it be from touches or favors. Thus Erwin, for the little chance he could get, wants to make it different even for a moment.
He wants to… well, what really does he want?
Your chuckles tipped into loud wheezing, under complete impression that your huge man is indeed a shy lover boy underneath.
Oh, it really didn't take long for Erwin to realize why. You make that face whenever you see something new. New things amuse you. And apparently, that smile is so beautiful and he wants to see more of it. Erwin can and will forsake anyone just so he could bring you things that you could smile at, and after doing so, he will watch silently in pride—he pulled out that face on you, yes. Yes, he did.
"Am I not allowed to get shy?" Erwin lied as he cupped your face and peppered kisses on your cheeks, up to your eyes, forehead, then towards your ear. He went on until it became ticklish.
"Oh no, you sweet boy," you held back the chortles in consideration. Erwin almost huffed a teasing chuckle. You really tend to believe him so quickly. "What do you want to do, hm? Tell me."
Erwin noted to not be too direct. "Can I love you even more tonight?"
"How would you love me even more?" But it really didn't take you long to understand as soon as his warm hands entered your shirt.
"Heh. Glad you asked."
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🏷 @frenchdyer @watyousayin | SUBSCRIBE HERE
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MORE OF THE SWEET SUBTLETIES SERIES HERE
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mybuginette · 3 months
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i'm obsessed with this shit now
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sorry, in universe social media is my roman empire now
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creamiceandsugar · 10 days
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So I knelt beside the river and I drank until
I drank until I drank until I died
But something in the water must have brought me back
it brought me back it brought me back to life
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wolfstarisswag · 3 months
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Headcanon that cas does not understand human pet-names in the slightest. Sure he knows about ‘darling’, ‘honey’, ‘sugar’, but he doesn’t understand why those words are chosen specifically. One day, Dean and Cas are in the kitchen, Dean’s making dinner and Cas is watching him, and Dean’s like, “Hey Cas, can you pass me the rice?” And Cas, wanting to impress Dean with his knowledge of human interaction/emotion, responds with “of course, Milk.”
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h0nkshroom · 2 months
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IM THE ARTIST AND I GET TO DECIDE IF MY LAMB IS TRANS OR NOT ❗❗❗
Bonus
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mumblesplash · 3 months
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reel life
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steddieas-shegoes · 3 months
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Just started thinking about labor and delivery nurse Steve Harrington having to fill in for his best friend Robin in the ER at the last minute on his off week
And who stumbles in (comes in on a stretcher) but rock star Eddie Munson who fell off the stage at his show just because he’s incredibly clumsy (this isn’t even the first time it’s happened). His leg is very obviously broken at the knee because he broke his fall with it and he’s struggling to focus on questions because of the pain.
One of his bandmates came with him, Jeff, who Eddie keeps referring to as his mom on the road. Jeff calls Eddie’s next of kin so they can focus on giving him a scan, pain meds, and setting his leg as soon as possible.
The pain meds kick in fast and he’s flirting with Steve nonstop.
And he’s good.
He hits all of Steve’s buttons: the obnoxious pet names that should be annoying but aren’t, the casual touches to his hands and arms as he gets him comfortable, the lines he’s using that are stupid but adorable.
He has no reason to stay after they take care of his major injury and the one spot on his arm that needed stitches. He didn’t hit his head and passes all the concussion protocol tests, his stats are normal, his pain is being managed with a prescription of Tylenol with codeine. He can go home.
But Eddie insists he should have Steve’s number in case he gets worse (he won’t) or has questions (google is available). Steve gives him his number.
He texts him almost immediately.
And keeps texting him for days.
Weeks.
Calls him every morning before Steve’s shifts. Every time his post-show adrenaline matches up with Steve’s lunch breaks. Every time their schedules sync up.
And then he shows up randomly to get his cast removed.
Steve reminds him he could’ve gone anywhere, especially because he was working his usual floor.
Eddie reminds him that he wanted an excuse to see him.
Steve manages to grab a 30 minute lunch break when all his fellow nurses and doctors find out his Eddie is visiting.
When Eddie leaves, it’s with a promise to be back when tour ends in less than a month, a promise to take Steve on a real date, and a promise to be the best damn boyfriend Steve’s ever had.
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skidcd-megamix · 3 months
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Fists of the North Star (lo)
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BTW THERE WERE ZERO SOLOMON REFS ON GOOGLE I HAD TO SCREENSHOT A VIDEO cmon dudes where’s the Solomon appreciation
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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 months
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everyone settling into the hotel and figuring out the unsaid rules of cohabitation like
1 - it’s okay for Angel Dust to leave work stuff lying around IF ITS WASHED
2 - if you want a drink you ASK Husk. If you want to die you mess with his drink display
3 - TV is timeshared and if Alastor wants to use his timeslot to turn the tv OFF then no you can’t watch it just because he’s not using it
4 - Niffty can pin up the cockroach kill of the week in the lobby for everyone to wince at but it has to be on the cork board Charlie bought for her and she has to take the old ones down first each time
5 - if you break it you rebuild / replace it. You do NOT upgrade it with weapons while doing so (Sir Pentious THIS MEANS YOU) 5b - as long as it gets rebuilt / replaced no one gets to make a huge deal over something being broken or blown up again (or at Sir Pentious for doing it)
6 - don’t move around the fucking lobby furniture without moving it back afterwards 6b - if it’s in your room then you can do what you want but in all shared spaces the furniture NEEDS to be kept tidy and in proper place unless you want to hear swearing and sounds of violence as Vaggie trips over and throws her spear into a wall in frustration again, ruining the paper 6c - every third time this happens everyone has to sit through another presentation by Charlie explaining how having one eye is different when it’s not huge and in the middle of your head and you’re not basically at ground level
7 - Charlie can sing but only between 10am and 10pm unless it’s an emergency. If she tries singing outside of that whoever’s nearest is allowed to GENTLY hush her 7b - if you hush Charlie at any other time Vaggie will chase you. 7c - the above is NOT a recommended source of healthy exercise (you will have trauma)
8 - and above all have fun and FUCK yourself!
- Whoever changed “be” to “fuck”- it’s okay and you are loved <3
- Platonically. You are loved platonically, by me Charlie, who is writing this while standing next to my beautiful girlfriend.
- hey Charlie puff you alright? Sounds like she had a gun to your head while you were writin’ this XD
- It was more like her lips on my neck but yeah pretty close!
9 - Charlie and Vaggie are not allowed to be gross and cute in common areas they have a room for that sappy shit and need to keep it there thanks
- Homophobia.
- this is hell, toots
- You are literally a gay man Angel Dust
- I contain multitudes. Multitudes of d
- Bonding between friends is WONDERFUL but this is a list of rules not a chat room so let’s end things here ha ha ha ! Great job everyone!!!!
- KILL
- niffty what the fuck did you write that in it wont wash off
- BLOOD~
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turtleblogatlast · 14 days
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I think a lot about Leo’s tendency to push his way into the spotlight despite clearly being a natural in the shadows. Hell, you could argue that his worst moments are when he’s forcing himself onstage, and his best are when he does things no one notices until it’s already been done.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#His aptitude with subterfuge sleight of hand stealth and speed really push how being a ninja really comes naturally to him.#it’s arguable that his desperation for the spotlight and validation is an act of subterfuge against himself#note that when he’s offered a job as a mascot he’s fine being unknown#when he and splinter win the battle nexus Leo immediately says ‘they love YOU pops’#idk I think so much about how good a ninja Leo is#and how much his persona is more an actor#Leo as a tot is shown a natural skill at katana too so hear me out-#every Leo is a natural ninja but every Leo’s route in life is directly tied to their splinter so#since rise splinter is an actor Leo too aims for it#and he brings it into his whole life - masking always because a Leo makes what they do who they are#I think that Leo naturally falls more in line with that of a typical ninja#his eccentric performer self is his subterfuge skill just set to an 11 at all times#not that that’s NOT him - like I said it’s still undoubtedly a part of Leo#but? idk I think about little moments like Leo being the only one to choose stealth in bug busters#or Leo being the only one to almost get Gus’s dog tags in The Ninja Art of Hide and Seek (he was so close but luck was against him alas)#like- he’s clearly in his element there and he falls into those skills so easily#it’s like how everyone has skills in so many things but some exceed more in some than others do#like Raph? Raph’s the biggest Hero of the bunch of them let’s be perfectly real here. Raph is THE Hero#All the boys are smart in their own rights but Donnie is THE Genius.#and they all have mystic powers but Mikey is THE Mystic Warrior with immense untapped potential#likewise Leo I feel is THE Ninja#but yeah I love how much Leo goes for the spotlight anyway for better or for worse#he IS a performer again make no mistake! but again the way he does it still lines up with his natural ninja aptitude and I love it#Leo loving magic tricks and magicians so much works doubly well here because like#you’d think he’s focused solely on the performance flair - no it’s ALSO and ESPECIALLY the DECEPTION
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zillychu · 3 months
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Consider this: ghosts are actually exactly what the Fentons think they are.
They're snapshots of a longing so strong, unfinished business so deep it reaches out beyond life. Lingers just a bit longer. And if it happens to meet a dense cloud of ectoplasm (invisible to the naked eye, but omnipresent even in the mortal realm), it coalesces. The ectoplasm fits into the shape of it. Which, when the desire is strong enough, it's got a rough idea of its self-image. This tends to mean a more humanoid figure, though it's more often warped in some way–a self-reflection, skewed by said desire. The warping varies on the dead soul’s perception of themselves, the intensity of their desire, how much time passed after death, and how much ectoplasm was present.
In short… no matter how “normal" a ghost looks or acts, it really, truly isn't human. It's animated ectoplasm with a single goal: an obsession. Nothing else. They're more akin to plants than animals, following a single drive with no emotion. They react to stimuli, recognize threats (including other ghosts), and can even imitate human speech and mannerisms to obtain fulfillment of their obsession.
Not “evil" by any stretch, but they're entirely driven by instinct. A tree doesn't pause to consider the rocks it breaks with its roots. A cordyceps doesn't torture its host for fun, or kill with malice. It just does. It follows code in its DNA to survive and multiply–And ghosts just follow the code in its ectoplasm to fulfill its obsession. The more powerful a ghost, the better it's able to overcome obstacles preventing this–whether through brute force, or manipulation. This power is always directly proportional to the amount of ectoplasm present at the time of formation, and how much time passed since death.
What then, does this mean for Danny? Danny, who's previously come to the conclusion that he's only half-ghost, which surely explains how he retained his mind? His independent thoughts and emotions?
What does this mean for Phantom, who experienced an entire world’s worth of ectoplasm condensed as a singularity, at the exact time of his death? Whose strength only grows and begins to exceed every limit they previously thought possible?
If a ghost was as strong as him… could it mimic a human perfectly? Down to a molecular level?
Could it, in its desire to fill an obsession… trick its own fake mind into thinking it was still human? Or half-ghost?
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Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children they’re allergic to any kind of jewellery that isn’t made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold. 
It’s not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much. 
And it doesn’t end with shiny things, oh no… 
The Ancunín brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.
They’re seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in children’s sticky hands. 
There’s even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchanted—the instrument certainly looks extravagant enough! 
And then there’s always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the Ancunín children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways. 
So, it’s no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their children—some might say they’re even spoiling them rotten. 
And maybe they are, especially Astarion.
But he doesn’t see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to.  
When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters. 
Because, these people, they don’t know anything about the Ancuníns. 
They don’t know that it’s not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sun…
That any holes and tears the children’s clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time. 
Nor do they know that Astarion doesn’t mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they don’t touch the mangy animal. 
No, those people know nothing at all...
“Not tired!” Astarion’s youngest cries; the vehement denial of her father’s earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.
The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable. 
Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort. 
By now, he knows every step of this game.
“Tut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?” Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. “We only tell lies outside of this house.”
Unfazed by her father’s gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that haven’t yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav. 
Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this time—the list is growing longer by the day, after all. 
“What’s the matter, dear?” Astarion asks gently, hoping it’s something easily fixable as it’s growing rather late. 
“Want apple!”
Decades ago, Astarion might’ve rolled his eyes—he knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, it’s been haunting him all day—but once he started to treat his children’s problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier. 
“Why, let’s get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?” 
The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress. 
She rests her cheek against her father’s shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.
Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knife’s blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.
“Here you go,” he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. “A sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesn’t it taste so much better when we don’t eat it off the floor, darling?” And when it’s not crawling with ants…
The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls. 
Her hair’s getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day. 
Once, Astarion would’ve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair that’s not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it. 
But that’s why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.
Astarion can tell by his toddler’s heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her. 
The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed. 
He’s just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughter’s tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.
“Thank you, papa,” she mumbles, more asleep than awake.
Astarion pauses.
He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples won’t be that appealing anymore. 
By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.
And sometimes he wonders what it’s like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe. 
He wonders what it’s like for his children to know that their father’s love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever. 
Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet. 
He’s often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family. 
These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.
He’s raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their father’s love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.
It’s the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him. 
Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips. 
After all these years—all these children—he’s still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.
And it won’t—not if Astarion can help it. 
“No, thank you, my heart,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddler’s head. 
When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.
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gabe-lovebot · 1 month
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councilor 3D model
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i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up to bring him to life. he's yours now. do whatever you want with him
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please credit me if you make something using the model (or even ping/link me to it, i would love to see what you made!)
currently available as a .blend, .fbx and an SFM port.
#hello councilnation i'm finally releasing him to the wild#have fun playing toys with him#ultrakill#councilor#councilor ultrakill#3d stuff#obviously with the councilor having just 1 full body image of him means that some stuff i had to improvise on#so you get to enjoy my headcanons on how he looks#(like obviously the wings & halo)#(but also the chestplate design)#but did you know that the councilor's canon design has subtle engravings on his forearm armor pieces?#i only barely noticed them when painting textures and i was floored#i had to add them#to the sfm anon and whoever else wants to use this for sfm stuff-#i did my best with a port for sfm and i'm quite proud of the result#but please be aware i have never used it before so if you find that something doesn't work as it should please please let me know!!#gonna pour my heart out in tags as always so close your eyes if you don't wanna see me being sentimental but#i'm not kidding when i say i learnt 3d modelling from the ground up for this#i have meddled with blender before but never actually came close to finishing a project#and i don't know how i did it and how i kept going#(i do know) (it was my friend encouraging me every time i showed him progress)#this was like 1 entire month in the making#but i'm so fucking proud of this and how it turned out and people's tags in my act 2 render genuinely were such a huge confidence boost#so thank you guys for liking it <3#i'm still very much thinking of doing a version with just his bloodied head#but it might take a while because i want a break and i want to play warframe
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raycatzdraws · 3 months
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ribbonwood
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leverage-ot3 · 5 months
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I’ve talked about this before but imagine what it’s like for someone in a country/place where eliot is Top Most Wanted and then your tech guy finds a breakout star baseball player on their visual scanner that looks EXACTLY like spencer. but…there’s no way that’s him, right???
and then the next year it happens again but this time it’s some one hit wonder country singer kenneth crane that has like 78 tween-run fangirl blogs dedicated to him. you see a grainy video of him being chased by a horde of screaming teenage girls and ??? no way Eliot Last Thing You’ll Ever See Spencer is a country singer star just. signing pictures of his face right…?
a few months later your intern shows you footage of an eliot lookalike who is in san lorenzo talking about how there is dog fighting in the presidential palace and you just. sigh. because of course. a scant few days later the political geography of the country changes drastically and damien moreau is imprisoned. …interesting
and then a year of silence goes by. he still shows up as blips on the radar but he must have a good hacker working for him because his tracks on the internet are expertly erased.
every time you ask through interagency channels some random interpol guy talks in (condescending?) riddles at you and it also somehow feels like he’s threatening you
and then your friend who recently got into foreign hockey teams sends you a dropyourgloves video of someone called jacques the bear. you immediately get a headache (and watch some more videos because even you can admit this guy is a good hockey player)
and you know he’s a Bad Guy but it’s been admittedly a bit entertaining seeing what claim to fame he will come upon next. and his most recent actions over the few years make you wonder.
a few months later your phone pings because multiple heads of state evacuated from DC. the reason? eliot spencer was in town. you hear two days later a bioterrorist was taken down by… the report was redacted. your hacker tells you spencer and two teammates were behind the successful operation. which, huh.
not even a full year later it is released that spencer is dead and… you don’t know how to feel.
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gay-jesus-probably · 11 months
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Okay so I have a lot of thoughts about the whole thing of the Gerudo being a race of entirely women, with the only exception being one man born every hundred years, and that man automatically being their king. Now this worldbuilding comes from Ocarina of Time, and there's obviously a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications there, because it was 1998. And it seems that Tears of the Kingdom is sticking with the lore of Gerudo men being extremely rare and becoming the King of their people, which once again has a metric fuckton of unfortunate implications because it's 2023 and Nintendo has somehow gotten even worse about this shit.
But let's set aside the whole... everything, and look at this from just the in-universe perspective. How does it work? I mean, it's pretty clear that there is no overlap between the kings; the old ones are normally long gone by the time a new one is born, but the Gerudo manage to take care of themselves during the hangtime. So they must have an established system of government and leadership that doesn't involve a king, and somehow that system is set up in a way that does a smooth transfer of power once a new king is born and old enough to take the throne. But why bother always declaring a random guy to be your King when you already have a perfectly functional system in place?
I mean again, the whole thing has a lot of sexist implications, but we're not looking at this from a real world context, we're examining it in-universe. And we could just go the lazy route and say that their king is in charge just because he's the only man, but I don't like that. I mean come on, the Gerudo are a race of entirely women, and most of their outside problems come from Hylian men being creepy about it. They are entirely a matriarchy; there is literally no reason for their culture to have an inherent respect for men, even if the man in question is one of them. And they're desert people; they live in an extremely harsh and dangerous landscape, if they don't have their shit together, they will die. By sheer necessity, their culture needs to put a lot of value in being practical, because if they're stupid about things, people die. They really can't afford to have a shitty leader take over, and just letting some guy take the wheel doesn't really fit with the way their culture must otherwise work.
So again, why the fuck do they bother having a King?
I think it's mainly just a ceremonial position. Yes, if the guy is a good leader he'll be in charge, but if he isn't good at being a King or isn't interested in the job... fuck it, they've already got a functional government system that's been leading their people the whole time, why fix what isn't broken? The title of Gerudo King isn't about leadership or power. I think it's more about belonging. Because the Gerudo are a culture where every single one of them can be defined in the same way... and there is exactly one exception once a century. Men are considered to be inherently outsiders at the best of times, and more often they're enemies. A man born into this culture is a natural outsider; he is completely unique, and that means he doesn't really fit into his community. And well... when someone is fundamentally different from the rest of their community, they tend to be ostracized.
So I think that's why the position of Gerudo King exists. It isn't about them needing or even wanting a man to lead them. The title of King doesn't need to involve any leadership at all. It's about giving the man born every century a place in their society. It's a way of saying yes, you are one of us, you are a Gerudo, you belong here, you are wanted and you are loved.
The Gerudo know that every hundred years, one of their children will be fundamentally different from all of his peers. And so their society is built to ensure that a child who is completely different from them will still be loved and accepted. He will always have a place in their society. He doesn't need to earn their love, he has it just for existing. These are his people.
The title of Gerudo King isn't an inherent position of authority. It's a promise of acceptance.
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