#to the best worst dad

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children they’re allergic to any kind of jewellery that isn’t made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold. 

It’s not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much. 

And it doesn’t end with shiny things, oh no… 

The Ancunín brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.

They’re seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in children’s sticky hands. 

There’s even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchanted—the instrument certainly looks extravagant enough! 

And then there’s always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the Ancunín children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways. 

So, it’s no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their children—some might say they’re even spoiling them rotten. 

And maybe they are, especially Astarion.

But he doesn’t see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to.  

When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters. 

Because, these people, they don’t know anything about the Ancuníns. 

They don’t know that it’s not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sun…

That any holes and tears the children’s clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time. 

Nor do they know that Astarion doesn’t mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they don’t touch the mangy animal. 

No, those people know nothing at all...

“Not tired!” Astarion’s youngest cries; the vehement denial of her father’s earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.

The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable. 

Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort. 

By now, he knows every step of this game.

“Tut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?” Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. “We only tell lies outside of this house.”

Unfazed by her father’s gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that haven’t yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav. 

Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this time—the list is growing longer by the day, after all. 

“What’s the matter, dear?” Astarion asks gently, hoping it’s something easily fixable as it’s growing rather late. 

“Want apple!”

Decades ago, Astarion might’ve rolled his eyes—he knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, it’s been haunting him all day—but once he started to treat his children’s problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier. 

“Why, let’s get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?” 

The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress. 

She rests her cheek against her father’s shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.

Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knife’s blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.

“Here you go,” he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. “A sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesn’t it taste so much better when we don’t eat it off the floor, darling?” And when it’s not crawling with ants…

The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls. 

Her hair’s getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day. 

Once, Astarion would’ve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair that’s not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it. 

But that’s why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.

Astarion can tell by his toddler’s heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her. 

The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed. 

He’s just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughter’s tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.

“Thank you, papa,” she mumbles, more asleep than awake.

Astarion pauses.

He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples won’t be that appealing anymore. 

By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.

And sometimes he wonders what it’s like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe. 

He wonders what it’s like for his children to know that their father’s love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever. 

Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet. 

He’s often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family. 

These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.

He’s raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their father’s love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.

It’s the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him. 

Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips. 

After all these years—all these children—he’s still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.

And it won’t—not if Astarion can help it. 

“No, thank you, my heart,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddler’s head. 

When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dadstarion #astarion x tav #astarion headcanons #astarion x f!tav #baldur's gate astarion #astarion ancunin #to the best worst dad #astarion father of the year every year #emicha writes #idk how this turned out this long #I just put my daddy issues to work #I'm thinking about writing more casual one shot length pieces like this more often though #btw anyone else who only got real gold jewellery as a child? #having a grandma who told them fake jewellery isn't good for your skin? #and now that you're an adult you're left with a certain standard for jewellery but no money to actually pay for it? #because that's really funny ha! #I'll sleep better knowing the ancunin brood will just steal their jewellery even when they're not destitute

[wiltedreamofbaldursgate]

Girl dad Astarion would be like “ugh, look at that little menace of a child keeping me away from my darling Tav. Children are The Worst. What a hassle. ugh.” while lovingly combing his daughter’s hair. Braiding it in the most beautiful, intricate fashion even though he’s just getting her ready for bed. Feeding her secret sweet treats for no other reason than her being daddy’s little delight.

And when he’s done, asking how the little one likes her hair, she would just demand more ribbons and bows because she’s like 5, getting the princess treatment ever since birth (by Astarion. Tav not so much. Obviously.)

Astarion would scoff inwardly, because ugh, it’s been an hour already? The kid’s taking up my entire damn time, but ultimately go with “Why, what a splendid idea, my precious, finally someone to share The Vision with. Red or blue? ...Red? That's what I thought, too, love.”

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dastarion #astarion x tav #baldur's gate astarion #astarion ancunin #i hear there’s been some unsavoury dadstarion discourse going around #so respectfully have some dad astarion content with a big kiss on top #to the best worst dad #astarion father of the year every year

[k7ino]

forgot to post this here last night but,,hoffstrahm pikmin dads :3

#saw #saw franchise #mark hoffman #peter strahm #hoffstrahm #coffinshipping #my art #fanart #idk all that much abt pikmin but i watched the jerma streams so #yeah #theyd be the best pikmin dads and the worst astronauts #hoffman aint getting shit done his ass is playing having fun with his pikmin children and oatchi #strahm will get work done but mostly beat the fuck outta bugs for getting near his babies #idk

[mugentakeda]

not even harvards top scientists could understand the complexities of the azula-iroh beef lore that i made up in my head

(silly bonus under the cut)

#YES THIS IS A REPOST. Again. my bad #they both suck so bad i love them... best uncle niece dynamic in fiction ever..... theyre the same in all the worst ways.... #yes im an iroh fan yes i think azula can hit him with a comically large mallet we exist #“how do u think iroh and azula are the same but think azula should be allowed to beat irohs ass”. ill give you 3 reasons #1. shes a female. 2 shes not a boy. 3. and most importantly SHES A GIRL #waiter waiter more irrepairable family relationships please!!!!!!!!!! #id go on a 10 yr long spiel about my thoughts and hcs abt their dynamic and what they think ab each other but i shall Refrain. #lu ten couldve been the dad that stepped up but he had to eat shit and die for the plot and good of the world. Amen. #azula #iroh #lu ten #zuko #atla #avatar the last airbender #alicias art

[stophangiingdjs]

been playing birth by sleep

#Yosu's thoughts #kingdom hearts #aqua kh #terra kh #eraqus is like the best worst dad ever its so funny #my little princess aqua <3 and terra is there too ig...

[soaked-ghost]

Frisk and their last resort shithead dad

#Best and worst ideas I've ever had is to force a child into ink's care every chance I get. he needs it methinks lol #I call ink frisk's dad but I dont really see their relationship as a 'child and father' one tbh. it's just funny to say #being a dad is a big no no to ink cuz that would mean he would have to be responsible #and frisk just doesn't want to call ink their dad cuz they don't think that highly of him lolz (they still like him a whole lot) #u can say that their relationship is like weird estranged siblings that only recently got into contact or something #ink sans #core frisk #sans au #undertale au #art #myart

[ink-witch111]

Ghoul Dad. Synth Son.

back with the fallout content because I cant stop.

side note: why are kids so hard to draw??? ill take the coat and hat any day.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout hancock #bacon mayor #fo4 hancock #hancock #john hancock #fanart #shaun fallout 4 #ghoul husband #ghoul dad #synth shaun #early fathers day?? #best worst dad award #fallout companions #fallout ghoul #my art #inkwitch111

[deconstructthesoup]

Personal Ranking of the Fantasy High Dads, From Worst to Best:

Angwyn Penguin Abernant: -100000/10. He's somehow both controlling and neglectful, elitist beyond belief, power-hungry and cruel, and doesn't see his daughters as anything other than tools and means to an end. Adaine killing him in one hit was one of the most satisfying moments in Dimension 20 history.

Mac Applebees: 0/10. He and Donna did clearly care about Kristen, but that was clearly conditional and all of those points are subtracted on account of him being racist and members of a conservative religious cult. And if Bucky is any indication, those parenting skills have not improved.

Bill Seacaster: 4.5/10. Absolute madlad? Yes. Chaotic king? Yes. A joy to witness whenever he appears? Yes. But despite the fact that he clearly loves Fabian, he piled on a lot of unreasonable expectations and didn't fully prepare him for the world... and he clearly had several bastard children who we know absolutely nothing about. He does get points for being totally cool with Fabian being a bard, though.

Arthur Aguefort: 5/10. Again, in the same realm as Bill---a chaotic madlad who's a joy to watch, but his parenting skills do leave something to be desired. He does get points for clearly caring deeply about his students and Ayda, as well as attempting to reconnect with her again, but he's got some ways to go.

Gorbag Last-Name-Unknown: 6/10. We don't know enough about him for me to give him a fair ranking, and he did become a dad at, like, fifteen. But it does mean a lot that he found Gorgug again and is clearly an active presence in his life.

Gorthalax The Insatiable: 7/10. Clearly a good dad to Fig, loves her like crazy, the chillest and nicest devil you'll ever meet. Does have a bad habit of getting trapped in rubies, but still. Great guy all around.

Pok Gukgak: 7.3/10. If he hadn't died before the show started, and if he'd gotten to be present in Riz's life, he'd get ranked higher due to us having more data. As it stands, though, he's a badass secret agent angel who supports and loves his son, and he even accepts Riz's sexuality, which is a win in my book.

Gilear Faeth: 7.9/10. Being a dad is literally the only thing he's actually good at, and it shows. Does get a point taken off for getting engaged and going on a cruise without telling Fig, but we'll find out more about that in a few days. There's probably an explanation.

Digby Thistlespring: 9/10. Loving, sweet, supportive, sex-positive---what's not to love about him, he's a great dad! Sure, he does do the parent thing of embarrassing Gorgug at times, and he and Wilma both clearly still need to work on understanding that their son needs to express his anger, but he does a great job.

Jawbone O'Shaugnessy: 11/10. My guy. He went from being a random NPC that Brennan named on the spot to being a central character in the whole damn narrative, and he shines. The fact that he's been through the ringer means that he gives out the best advice, and the man is one of the most supportive and caring dads in existence.

#adaine went from having the worst dad to the best dad and we love that for her #also yes i'm still referring to angwyn as “penguin” what of it #dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high: junior year #angwyn abernant #mac applebees #bill seacaster #arthur aguefort #gorthalax the insatiable #pok gukgak #gilear faeth #digby thistlespring #jawbone o'shaughnessey

[whitecrossgirl]

The difference between Gideon, Hotch and Rossi and their team of BAU profiler children.

The BAU team in an SUV with Gideon: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Gideon: No. There’s food at home.

The BAU team: I hate this fucking family.

The BAU team in an SUV with Hotch: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Hotch: *pulls into drive-thru*

The BAU team: *cheers*

Hotch: One black coffee please.

The BAU team in an SUV with Rossi: McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

Rossi: *ready to buy them the entire menu* McDonalds! McDonalds! McDonalds!

#criminal minds #incorrect quotes #source: that McDonald’s meme #bau team #Jason Gideon #aaron Hotchner #David Rossi #Rossi being the best dad #Hotch is punishing the kids because they kept fighting in the back of the car #Gideon is the worst Tim #Derek Morgan #emily prentiss #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia

[mtndw-whteout]

I humbly request moar teru dad. Or terumob dads too — both! Either! They are such cute dads!

They have like 52 Esper children ok

#they like #Impluse adopt #they both start crying when they hear another Esper kid got put up for adoption #at this point the agency just calls and asks if they want to #also uncle Ritsu!!!! and implied funkle Shou #god Shou would be the worst/best uncle #anyways 🫶 #enjoy #art #artists on tumblr #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #teruki hanazawa #shigeo kageyama #terumob #adult terumob #also terus shirt in the 2nd drawing says ‘y’all can go to hell I’m going to toyotathon’ #and shigeos says best dad ever #eheheh

[royboyfanpage]

I think one of the reasons Oliver Queen as a parent resonates with me so much is because he feels... real. He's not a shining beacon of perfect decisions. He doesn't always say or do the right things. He fucks up, and sometimes he hurts his kids in the process. But he's also not some cartoonishly evil parent. He's not an abuser. He's not apathetic. He loves his kids so much, but love isn't enough to make someone flawless. But he tries, he makes amends, he fixes his mistakes, he apologises, and he learns. He's trying his best.

#ollie queen is not the best dad or the worst dad but a secret third thing: #a realistic dad #he reminds me of my mum #tbh i think me and my mum's relationship is quite similar to ollie and roys #oliver queen #ollie queen #green arrow #arrowfam

[wilteddreamsofbaldursgate]

Girl dad Astarion who is mourning the times when his biggest problem was coming up with more or less child-friendly excuses to not read yet another bedtime story. Or to fix the dress of a shabby old doll that gave him the creeps. Or to kiss some scratches better, even though the minuscule wounds usually troubled him more than they did the damn child. 

Nobody ever told him that children grow up this fucking fast, okay?

But now he has to watch his darling little girl grow into a beautiful young woman, and he is—quite frankly—terrified for her. 

Because wherever he looks, he can see that strangers are watching her, too. 

It doesn’t even bother him that they notice his daughter’s beauty, no, you would have to be blind not to see it. She’s stunning—obviously. She's his child after all…and Tav’s, of course, but that’s not the point. 

It’s the way they're looking at the girl that disgusts Astarion to his very core. Leering eyes following her every move. Ulterior motives buried under layers of false niceties. Seemingly innocent little touches stolen as if those filthy hands were entitled to her body in any way. 

And for all their obnoxious gawking, they don’t even see her. They seldom care for his daughter’s talents, her sense of humour, or her intelligence. Her heart.

Those heads are only turning for a pretty face, and for all the small privileges that might afford her, they always come with a price—a price Astarion has paid once upon a time; a price he doesn’t ever want his daughter to even consider accepting.

But the world is not kind. It’s already leaving scratches on his child that neither he nor Tav can kiss better any longer. 

And Astarion hates it because the last time he felt this helpless was when his own pretty face was all that kept him, well, as alive as he could be. A thing to be used for other people's gain. Selling himself out for crumbs.

And then, one day, he notices a new bracelet on his daughter’s wrist. 

She happily hands it over to him so he can take a look. Then she tells him some stranger gifted it to her. Just like that! 

All they wanted for it was a little smile—isn’t that so great, father? 

It’s not. Far from it. Astarion is fuming inside. 

How dare some random nitwit think that ugly trinket worthy of his daughter’s wonderful smile? The audacity. The nerve. Unbelievable! 

“Darling, it’s not a gift if they’re expecting something in return,” a forced smile tugs at his lips, trying to soften his scolding tone.

It doesn’t work.

“But it’s so pretty, I had to have it!” 

The girl sulks, her little nose scrunched up as if he just sent her to bed without her fairy tales. Astarion supposes, in a way, he has.

“And what do we do when we see something we want, dear?” 

She rolls her eyes at him in a way that always has Tav cackling up. Maybe it's because, in moments like this, she looks a little too much like her father. 

“We just pocket it.”

“Exactly, my darling child, we just pocket it,” Astarion nods approvingly. “And if they ask for a smile next time?”

“We stab them,” she sighs.

“Absolutely, we do. Now, off with you, lest your daggers get all rusty, you lazy duck.” 

Ending the discussion with a gentle smile, Astarion watches the girl go before he produces the offending bracelet from his sleeve. 

It’s always out of sight, out of mind with pretty things, isn't it?

He takes another look at the bracelet, scrunching up his nose as if it gave off a particularly vile smell. In a way, it does.

In fact, it’s giving Astarion the creeps. And it's not even made from real gold, by the way.

Astarion scoffs at the cheap trinket. This child still has so much to learn.  

#astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #dadstarion #astarion x tav #astarion headcanons #baldur's gate astarion #astarion ancunin #to the best worst dad #astarion father of the year every year #being perceived is pain #girlhood in a nutshell

[hairscare]

I love annoying dad zalgo

at least someone does

#i love him too...... worst best dad ever #my art #creepypasta #lazari swann #zalgo

[alchemicaladarna]

I was rewatching the fight between Sunny and Leo from yesterday and god, I just noticed so many more details.

First, Sunny lost to Leo- ok, that's fair. But she was trying to exit immediately after. Leo blocked the door and started hitting Sunny. Sunny was shocked at first, but eventually she started hitting Leo back until she backed Leo into the corner and popped her totem. Ramon went inside and placed himself in between Leo and Sunny to stop their fighting (god bless his soul)

But then, and this is the part that kinda made me go 😬 Tallulah placed a sign that said "CHEATER" in response to Sunny hitting Leo after the fight. After that, Pepito and Tallulah ran to Leo to congratulate her.

Here's my personal take: don't get me wrong, I love Leo and Tallulah, but Sunny wasn't even cheating- she was defending herself. I know it's not that deep because they're kids and sometimes kids act this way. Also Tallulah and Leo have their own reasons for disliking/not trusting Sunny. And it's a block game lmao.

But like. Does anyone ever get the feeling that sometimes this egg beef kinda extends past the "goofy haha babies fighting" and more into bullying territory? Because sometimes Leo and Tallulah are just really unecessarily mean towards Sunny. I know Tallulah has been less hostile and she explained why she was more apprehensive to approach Sunny, and that's understandable on some level. But Leo vandalizing Sunny's statue, though funny at the time, looking back at it, yea that literal shit was unwarranted.

Like I said this is block game and it's really not that deep, but still. Ouch.

God, I just want to reach through the screen and give Sunny lots of hugs. She deserves so much more love and happiness than what she's getting.

#qsmp #qsmp tallulah #qsmp sunny #qsmp leonarda #vodblogging #qsmp discourse #discourse #--just in case #i mean at least sunny has ramon and em and her two dads #her best relationships with other eggs like dapper and pomme are adorable but she doesnt see them often #her relationships with other eggs and islanders are tumultuous at best and downright exclusion or bullying at worst #ANYWAYS SUNNY IS MY BABY NOW AND I WILL PROTECT HER TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

[houseswife]

doomed tragic yaoi is all fun and games until you start pondering the Life They Could’ve Had

#I’m emo over it alright #they would’ve been the worst ever parents but also the absolute best #wilson would’ve been such a great PTA dad he’d get invited to all the events #and the entire committee would’ve had a restraining order against house after he attempts to sabotage the 4 millionth competition #in favour of their kid #AUUUUURGGGHHHH #I know that they emphasised how Wilson wasn’t ready or stable enough to be a father #but he never really let go of that vision #and house was so good with rachel :( #they could’ve fostered traumatised kids and broken the cycle #I’m just being delusional atp #but they deserved the bbc johnlock domestic fathers ending #we deserve a soft epilogue #and whatnot. #house md #greg house #gregory house #hilson #james wilson #house/wilson #hatecrimes md

[pisshandkerchief]

the obvious double standard with which we as a society treat amab nonbinary people and trans women who don't fit the level of feminity that they're expected to is actually disgusting.

#I see it every day in the way my gm (and closest friend at work) is constantly misgendered without anyone apologizing #but everyone uses the correct pronouns for me and quickly corrects themselves if they mess up. #I see it in the way my nonbinary dad #couldn't be friends with women in our old homeschool group #without rumors being constantly spread that they were just trying to get in the women's pants. #I see it in the way my mom was disgusted and disturbed by discovering my dad's early forays into crossdressing #but is proud of me for being my authentic self. #I see it in the way my dad is still scared to wear a skirt despite frequently expressing a desire to #for fear of being seen as “an ugly man in a dress". #I see it in the way my theatre director is constantly called they or he despite clearly having she/her pronouns on her email. #I see it in the way my mom refuses to use the correct pronouns for my dad even though they are out to her #and constantly “forgets” my gm's pronouns even though I've used they/them for them for months. #deep down I know if I was born with a penis my mom would think of my transness much differently. #when “women” embrace masculinity they are seen as empowered at best and at worst as victims of the patriarchy. #confused little girls who don't know any better. #when “men” embrace feminity they are seen as predators. traps. manipulative freaks. #I see it every day. It's so deeply ingrained in our society it seems like there's no escaping it.