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#is this enough trigger tags
underdarkwaters · 11 months
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Recovery from an ED never really ends, I think. I’ll be doing fine and then see someone online and my brain flips to “why aren’t your arms like that, your jawline could be like that by now if you didn’t give up” and I shoo the thoughts away but then when I go to make lunch I can’t move my arms to grab ingredients. When I finally do after staring into the fridge for long enough that the motor kicks on I hold them in my hands and then put them back and walk away because I don’t feel hungry anymore anyway and THAT is exactly how every attempt at eating would go while I was actively engaging in my disorder, the “this isn’t necessary you can just go sit down” and my body so eagerly following through with that thought after being completely disobedient to the thought of making myself food.
My ex would never want to talk about it. If I needed help it was “just eat” or “I don’t want to listen to this”. He would encourage me to get be smaller or replace my meals with protein shakes and buy tiny bowls to eat from so I can’t overfill my portions and it was painful
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She is like this though. She wants me to be the way I am and she wants me to eat and she wants to help me however she can and doesn’t put it down or make me feel like it’s not a big deal or unimportant. I asked this because I needed reassurance after not being able to make lunch and I knew she would be nice to me but I wasn’t expecting her response to feel like I was shot by a barrage of bullets all at once all over my body and in my heart, I immediately started crying and felt loved and it is just completely amazing how the body reacts to real love. She is real love and I am so god damned blessed to have her in my life.
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mikayesha · 3 months
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she keeps on growing,
slippin' through my fingers all the time.
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ginumo · 6 months
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Prelude
0 // (OLD) Next
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epicawesomewin-art2 · 8 months
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how i feel playing pmd
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zukosdualdao · 1 month
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i'm a worst case kid / in a plague pit town
zutara month, day 1: reluctant allies
summary: ever-slight canon-divergence in which zuko accepts katara's offer to heal iroh after feeling his too-weak, dying pulse, as his injury is bad enough zuko is unsure he will survive otherwise. not much else changes. it was never going to.
warnings: canon-typical depictions of injury, violence, and trauma responses.
other notes: title is a lyric taken from tommy lefroy's "worst case kid". starting pov is zuko's, ending pov is katara's. two pieces of dialogue are directly taken from the show.
*
The wind is whistling in this dry, abandoned, dead town, dead like—
Zuko does not shiver, and he does not cry.
He used to be able to tell himself things like that and mean it. When did that stop being true?
Uncle’s pulse is so faint, for a moment, he thinks it isn’t there at all. Even when he feels it, he knows it might as well not be. He might not have long at all.
Zuko hears the other footsteps approaching, their silence loud and almost mournful, but he bristles on instinct. They can’t see him like this, can’t see Uncle like this—how could he be so stupid as to turn his back on the enemy? 
“Get away from us!” he shouts as he looks back. They’re all staring at his uncle’s prone form, and Zuko turns back to him, too, heaving heavy breaths. He needs to do something, but he is weak, useless, outnumbered—
“Zuko, I can help,” the waterbender insists, and Zuko wants to snarl, yell, reach for his fire, and he raises his hand to do so—and frowns. 
What does she mean?
He looks back to where Uncle lies prone.
A heartbeat shouldn’t feel like that. The Dragon of The West shouldn’t go down so easily.
Uncle shouldn’t be able to seem so small and worn and fragile.
Slowly, Zuko lowers his hand and looks to her striking blue eyes. There’s no pity or malice there, he doesn’t think, she just looks… still cautious and unyielding, but sad and sincere, too.
He’s fallen for tricks like this before, though—Azula has always loved how easily she could fool him—and it feels a little like he’s standing on the edge of a steep precipice.
It would be naive to just… trust the word of an enemy. She has no reason to want to help him. He knows this.
The rest of them still watch his uncle’s maybe-dying form, but the waterbending girl stares at Zuko unflinchingly, almost as though in challenge.
Uncle groans brokenly, the noise like that of a wounded animal. 
“How?”
*
The world is dead silent.
The prince of the Fire Nation is staring at her with tears threatening to fall from his right eye, though not the left, which is twitching lightly. She’s never before noticed how he can’t seem to open it fully due to the scar tissue set against it. She’s never had much reason to take in his features as anything more than the face of their enemy. 
His gaze is still steely and untrusting. In this light, his scar looks violently red and painful. He asks after her offer with a voice that cracks, though he doesn’t seem to pay that any heed. His hair is short but growing in, and he’s traded out his Fire Nation attire for earthly green and brown robes. He looks so different from when they last saw him. 
He looks so… young.
It’s all a little bizarre.
“Be careful, Katara,” Sokka insists from behind her, though when she glances back, his focus is on Iroh, a complicated expression playing on his features. Aang is staring at him, too, eyes wide and verging on teary. She doesn’t yet know Toph very well, but Katara can tell her body is rigid, her feet tense as her toes curl into the dusty ground beneath them. Toph doesn’t know that Iroh has been their enemy. But Iroh also helped them at the North Pole, and again just now against that princess, Zuko’s sister, she supposes, with her calculating eyes and strange blue fire.
Katara nods but says nothing further. If Zuko was going to make a move against them, he could have done it when his sister vanished.
They had turned away from their futile attack against her, and he’d already been kneeling at his uncle’s side.
She approaches slowly, circling to the side opposite him. When she kneels and reaches for her waterskin, Zuko nearly growls and takes hold of the edge of Iroh’s sleeve tightly, like he might try to drag him away.
“I’m not going to hurt him,” Katara says, flush with indignation. The dirt beneath her chafes her knees even through her clothing. “I need space to heal.”
“I’m not moving, so forget it.”
Katara tilts her head and looks into his eyes as he glares back. He now looks every bit the angry, hateful prince that had tracked them around the world for months, but she can see something else filtering through his expression, too, something like fear.
She almost wants to laugh at the absurdity of it. Why should he be afraid of them?
“Fine,” she allows after a moment. “Just don’t get in the way.”
He nods tightly, and at the agreement, Katara opens her waterskin. She calls the water to her and sets it against Iroh’s the right side of his chest, his robes black and charred. Closing her eyes, she calls out to his chi and focuses her energy on it. She doesn’t know if she can do it, doesn’t know if Iroh is truly too far gone…
After a few long moments, his breathing evens, and Katara sighs. Across from her, Zuko’s features soften just a fraction, but when she meets his eyes, somehow, she knows exactly what they both are thinking, united in nothing but this.
It doesn’t change anything, Katara's thoughts insist as her friends draw closer. Zuko tenses again. It can’t.
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jventureart · 8 months
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"& then i punched them through the wall!" "Haha, sick"
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spnintheyearofourlord · 9 months
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Thinking about Sam and how central autonomy and violation is to his character. How many times and ways he had his choice taken away throughout the series. All the things we don’t know about his time with Lucifer, but are also so heavily implied that we do.
Imagining he eventually gets out of The Life and becomes a victim’s advocate. He ultimately decides not to try and pursue law school at this stage in his life—it’s been so long and so much has changed—but finishes his bachelor’s and pursues a master’s in social work. He never expected to end up here: the boy with the demon blood, no longer living out some doomed and twisted fate, helping people. He’s passionate about representing those made most vulnerable and unsafe in their own skin, supporting others as they come out the other side survivors, lending the compassion he’s always struggled to have for himself. Every time he listens to someone else’s story, helps connect them to resources, advocates for their case, he heals a little bit too.
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lbulldesigns · 2 months
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AITAH FOR GHOSTING MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS FOR THREE YEARS, FOR MY OWN MENTAL HEALTH?
Posted 7th of January, 2024
Disclaimer: mentions of self-harm, violence, and attempted suicide.
Please bear with me. This post will be long.
I (20f) have been estranged from my family for the past three years.
I want to start off by saying that my family aren't bad people. They were never abusive, and they did care for me, but they could never understand me or the full extent of my issues.
Some background. When I was around five, my sister (26f), we'll call her V, and I witnessed our parents' death at the hands of some trigger-happy Enforcers. We don't know why they decided our parents deserved to die, but they did, and we were left orphaned when the authorities couldn't find any other family to take us in.
We bounced around in the system for a while, fearing being torn from each other at any moment, before a family friend was able to foster and then officially adopt us. Our AD (adoptive dad) was a godsend, he was and still (to my knowledge) is the most patient and gentle man I know. Despite looking like a wolf LOL.
Along with gaining a new father we also gained two brothers (twin 23m) the older twin (C) takes after our dad, Kind and patient. The younger twin (M) however is a little nasty bitch, who took upon himself to make my life in particular an ongoing hell. He was never physically abusive, but he was verbally abusive. It felt like not a day would go by when he wasn't putting me down and treating my existence like it was something insignificant. He never had a problem with V, just me.
For the first six years everyone else would defend me, put him in his place, and overall hold him accountable but at some point, they stopped holding him accountable and just expected me to grow a thicker skin. I still remember the day when I went crying to my sister and rather than comfort me, just rolled her eyes and asked if I could maybe not take him seriously because she needed to finish her group project. To her credit, she apologised for that but it was hard to rely on her after that.
Long story short, M made my home life unbearable, and I had bullies at school that made it unbearable. Especially once I was in high school and my best (and only) friend started making friends of his own. I want to say that I was cool with this, but in reality, I turned into an absolute brat and refused to get along with any of them. I wish I didn't, but I just couldn't help but feel betrayed and genuinely acted on those emotions.
And this is how I was with everyone. Constantly betrayed and acting out. It was no wonder everyone I knew got sick of me.
My Dad was constantly worrying about me.
My older brother avoided me as much as possible, to avoid my outbursts.
My sister was just constantly swinging between feeling guilty, angry, and just done with my constant outbursts. Especially when these outbursts were directed at her girlfriend, who constantly talked about how she wanted to be an Enforcer to protect others (take a wild guess why I couldn't like her). V even slapped me for something I said (I can't remember what) to her GF that made her cry.
And my best friend... hates me.
It's my own fault, obviously.
What led to the title of my post is this.
I told my (former) best friend that I loved him and wanted to be with him, and he just raged at me. Apparently, he was seeing someone and thought that I was pulling something in order to break them up. He didn't believe me when I said that I didn't know he was in a relationship (I genuinely didn't know) but he wouldn't hear it and called me an AH and said he was done with me.
I felt humiliated and heartbroken, when I got home that day I was crying and M was the first person, unfortunately, who I came across. And the first thing he does is scoff and roll his eyes, and said "fucking crybaby".
I don't fully remember what happened, I blacked out, but I remember my dad pulling me off of M and his face was a bloody mess. I'm pretty sure that I broke his nose and then some, my dad was so angry. The angriest I've ever seen him; he actually shook me by the shoulders and demanded what was wrong with me. And when I couldn't answer, they told me to get out. Which I did.
I just bolted from the house, the sound of shouting behind me, and just kept running until I got to the Bridge of Progress.
I was just so empty and lost, and the water below looked so tempting. I was about to end it all when my guardian angel showed up.
Ez (21m) was walking by when he saw me about to jump and, without hesitation, climbed up next to me and asked what we were doing.
He saved me that day, without even trying. He listened to my whining and rather than offer me empty promises of "it'll be okay" instead said "girl you messed up. Wanna go on an adventure with me?"
We've been friends ever since.
I took him on his offer and went home to collect some things, when I got there the lights were off so I climbed up to my bedroom window and let myself in. I grabbed my clothes, some saved up cash, my laptop, and my documents (in case I needed them) and left a note for my family saying "bye".
And that was three years ago. I haven't been in contact with them, I don't follow them on social media, and I left my mobile behind so they were never able to get hold of me.
I completely and utterly. Ghosted them. And I don't entirely regret it.
In the last three years I have gained close friends, experienced new things, seen interesting things, and have felt well enough to actually want to seek therapy. My mental health improved greatly, although I still have issues but still am lot better than I was before.
However, I can't help but feel like an AH. My family weren't bad, just fed up. They are genuinely good people (even M) it's just that I bring the worst out in people. But recently I've been wondering if I should reach out or not.
What if doing so disrupts their lives? What if my leaving improved their lives?
I don't know.
AITAH if I reach out to my family after ghosting them for three years?
(This is a fanfic. Please read tags)
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enden-k · 11 months
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btw if i make kaveh say "oh my god" pls imagine him say that EXACTLY the way his english VA does bc its always stuck in my head with how funny and perfect it is ajkcjkab
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fivemonsturzzzwowz · 5 months
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whatre yalls fav voicelines of p1 dude :3 its a hard choice for me but im a buckwheat guy
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camelspit · 3 months
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monthly reminder to not repost art!! (and if you do, check with the artist first and make sure to credit them) this is absurd!!
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dailydegurechaff · 6 months
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intrusive thought
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pegasister60 · 7 months
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"[Locus standi Has Been Initiated] ... [MAKE YOUR CASE!]"
-Excerpt from Chapter 13 of Snake Eyes by KillingJoke98.
--
Yeah, if he looked at me like that I'd shut up and listen too.
Another fic rec. This banger's a Danganronpa THH fic! Been a while since I've gone here but this lad is dear to me. He has final girl energy and Makoto-typical luck. A fucking terrifying combination, let me tell you!
This fic is ongoing and on hiatus as of me posting this. I fucking promise you it slaps. Give it a shot!! It's got murder and violence and mystery and betrayal and all the makings of a fantastic DR fic, but through the lens of a protagonist who needs a chance to lay down for 18 hours straight. Somebody please crack open your sewing kit-
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urfaveisatransman · 2 years
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Hopper from A Bug's Life is a trans man!
Requested by: no one
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waterfallofspace · 8 months
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Currently obsessed with how, sometimes, the vibrations from singing/humming can trigger a sneeze.
Thinking about a singer trying to perform with a cold, while having an allergy attack, or just outrageously sensitive for some reason. Thinking about each note tickling so bad they can barely get through a full line without ducking down with another sneeze.
Whether in the recording studio, uselessly attempting and failing to record a new song, or on stage refusing to cancel the show.
I mean, it's not like their voice is gone, they just cahh... can't make it throuuhhh... through a full line withhhout- hh'eNKShiuew!
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yaboirezzy · 6 months
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FELLAS
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what is going on?
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