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#is it my ship? not personally. but do i think it's valid as hell? hell yes.
greenerteacups · 4 months
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favorite relationship (non romantic or otherwise) in the hp canon? one thing I love about lionheart is Harry and hermione’s friendship - criminally overlooked in the books imo pidgeonholing hermione into only the “nagging mum” role for so much of it ! these two are siblings!
interesting parameters! my favorite non-romantic relationship in canon is ron and harry, actually. i think that hermione has great friendships with both of them, but the sheer intensity of the bond between ron and harry is unmatched anywhere outside romantic pairings in the books. harry latches onto him basically at first sight and imprints like a baby goose, and goes, "excellent, at last, a Friend; i will now spend all of my time and attention on you Forever." what's that? hungry you say? sad you say? i will buy you All The Food. then draco "definitely homeschooled" malfoy rocks up with his hilariously incompetent friend overtures and harry says right that's cool, but you threw shade at ron, so you can fuck right off forever. i've had this weird little ginger in my life for less than a day and if anything happens to him i'd kill myself. bye.
and ron drinks! it! up! because he's never had it! he's never been First for someone before, and he LOVES it! and he responds by becoming an instant ride-or-die for harry. that's not a reading, either, that's straight up text: in book 3, ron says, verbatim, "if you want to kill harry, you'll have to kill me." and he's thirteen!! takes him about five minutes to get there, too — in the ten weeks they've known each other before christmas break, eleven-year-old ron weasley tells his MOM about his new cool friend, and whatever he writes is so glowingly effusive that molly knits harry a goddamn family sweater (if you knit, you Know) without having stone cold met the kid! not to mention — ron (at eleven! eleven years old, ron weasley!) decides to pass up his only chance to see his parents until june, not to mention missing his family christmas, so he can stay at hogwarts and keep harry company! because harry potter will never be lonely if ron weasley can help it!!
basically. ron and harry are the original platonic soulmates. they ARE the catherine-heathcliff "he's more myself than i am" dig-up-his-grave-so-you-can-lie-in-it type of love. they are each other's destiny and each other's choice.
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midnightsera · 7 months
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why i prefer jegulus to jily
1. this is probably my main reason— lily isn’t the kind of person to publicly dislike someone for years and then one day just go huh. he’s not as bad as i thought? omg let’s get married! it just seemed kinda forced—like some of jkr’s other heterosexual relationships *cough* remadora and hinny *cough*
2. also (it’s not a canon event but most of the fandom has accepted it as canon) james repeatedly asking lily out doesn’t sit right with me. he’d respect her when she said no and wouldn’t constantly pester her. he’s not that kinda person (in fanon anyways)
2. jeggy’s dynamics? hello? rivals/ enemies to lovers, best friend’s brother, grumpy x sunshine, thinks he’s unlovable vs loves everyone— i could go on and on
3. jegulus’s ANGST. its never fails to rip my soul out, tear it to shreds, set it on fire then put it back into my chest and do it all over again. i’m not saying jily isn’t also heartbreaking— it 100% is. but jegulus is just UGH.
4. also there’s so much comedic potential with jegulus. sirius’s reaction? gets me every time. tie swapping? hell yes. slytherin vs gryffindor quidditch matches but they’re just checking each other out? GIVE IT TO ME
5. platonic jily is one of the best friendships in the fandom imo. they’d be that duo that had like a month-long relationship but are now just friends and get super embarrassed whenever it’s brought up. especially because i hc lily as a lesbian and that’s just the cherry on top
i am by no means hating on jily— all ships are valid. it’s just my opinion so please. no hate
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strangertheories · 2 years
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It is my biggest pet peeve when (mostly) straight people try to make queer people feel guilty for shipping two same gender characters together or say it's problematic to ship them, so I've made a little list debunking their ideas. I'll be talking a lot about Byler but this also applies to Elmax, Ronance, Steddie and queer ships in general.
"Why can't people be friends anymore?" Why can't a guy and a girl be friends either? Why aren't you saying this about Chrissy and Eddie shippers? Unless the issue is that they're gay.
"You're assuming Will is gay based on stereotypes!" Of course, the horrible stereotype that gay guys like men but not women, how problematic of me.
"You're fetishizing children!" No one says this about M*leven shippers. The fact that you view a queer relationship as inherently sexual and adult is sexualising young people much more than shipping Will and Mike does.
"Men will be scared to be affectionate to their friends in real life in case people think that they're gay!" First of all, I doubt some straight guy is going to stop hanging out with his friend because some random person on the internet drew Steddie fanart. And second of all, why are we treating straight men's fear of being perceived as gay as a perfectly valid and normal fear? (I elaborate a bit on this point in the reblogs)
"Why is it okay to say Mike Wheeler is gay but not say Robin is straight? You're erasing his sexuality!" First of all, when did Mike say he's straight? Sure he said he loves Eleven (which I doubt he does anyways) but bi people exist. Plus, there are so many straight characters and ships out there. Straight people don't look up lists of shows with canonical queer representation or watch a show because it has a straight girl in it. Lesbians like myself look up to characters like Robin and they are meaningful to them. No straight person feels seen in their heterosexuality because of Mike Wheeler. The only exception in my opinion is when people headcanon straight characters who are dating trans people as bi like Tao from Heartstopper because that comes off as transphobic.
"They're too young to know that they're gay and you're forcing a sexuality on them." I've known I'm gay since I was eleven or twelve which is the age they are in S1. And yet again, why aren't you saying this about straight people! Everyone accepted that Dustin and Lucas liked Max in S2. Yet Will is too young to know who he likes... Interesting.
"Grown adults wanting two young boys to kiss each other is pretty weird." The issue with this is again the hypocrisy. Adult M*leven shippers don't get told this. Mike kissed Eleven in S1 and it was completely cute and non-sexual because they are children so of course it isn't sexual. Hell they even made out when they were 13 and no one complained. Why would that be any different if he kissed Mike instead of Will? Yet again, people view queer people as being inherently sexual but queer people get cute little crushes or want to kiss people sometimes too. It's not a sexual thing. It's the exact same as a straight person doing it.
Anyways that's my rant done. It just annoys me when half of their arguements saying why it's wrong to ship these characters are just masked homophobia, even if the person saying it doesn't realize. Feel free to add more to this in the reblogs, this is just what I've seen.
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helsensm · 5 months
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I cannot hold it in anymore I am absolutely OBSESSED with your art and the way you draw Lao.
I also would like to inquire….. just perhaps… what are your top head-canons for him, and/or your opinions on popular ships for him/which ones you like?
No pressure!! I hope you are having a wonderful day 🧡
me, trying to act normal every time an awesome artist I look up to says something nice about my art
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Thank you so much! first of all, please take this Lao with you, he's yours now~
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now let me preheat my bad english.....
Most of my Lao headcanons (if they are not related to a particular art I made) were yoinked from another ppl, because DAMN FELLAS your brains are sexy. 😏 So you might have heard some of them already, but here's my top general hcs for him.
NOTE: we are talking about the current timeline mk1 Kung Lao
- Lao is very expressive with his hands and he's THE TOUCH person. Just look at how many times he took Raiden by the shoulder in the first chapter alone?? He'll be pushing, and patting, and shoving, and punching you all over while telling about his breakfast or something.
- Lao is struggling with inferiority complex. Since childhood he was under a tremendous amount of pressure, he has to do things right, to be better, or else he would be mocked or punished. Now he believes that he should be the best, or he would not be taken seriously. He's constantly seeking validation in his peers, causing him to act cocky and over-confident.
- Anger issues, usually when someone questions his skill.
- People call him lazy because he tries to act like everything comes naturally to him. In reality he trains hard and takes things seriously. Like, he's fighting with a RAZOR RIMMED HAT fgs, it's not something you can master in a day! Also he always got energy running through his veins, lucky bastard... *cries in iron deficiency*
- He makes his hats by himself. With his hands. He designs and creates. ALL of them. I will die on that hill.
- He's a slow to trust, but ride or die as a friend.
- He's a trouble maker FOR SURE, but not a bully. He's respectful and polite to most of the people (if they don't provoke him), also drinks his respect-women juice.
- Master of sass and sarcasm. And yes, I think he swears, but in the right circumstances or the right company.
- He's got rizz NOW, but in his teens he had zero game because he could not keep his mouth shut and would scare off the person with the most ridiculous piece of idiocy.
- I read it in one fic and really loved the idea that Liu Kang "told the blossoms" about Kung Lao, and they really liked him 🌸 so now they are following him around and bringing him news and gossips, that's why there's always those goddamn petals aroung him aasghGHHHj 🌸🌸
- He's rolling his eyes at Johnny, but they quickly become besties.
- He actually has a cold relationship with Liu Kang. Don't get me wrong, he trusts him, respects the hell out of him and will run into a wall for a man. But I think Liu will distance himself because of all the memories of HIS Lao and how badly they sting. oTL
- That smile and a bow Lao did after loosing to Raiden? He meant that. Loosing hurted BAD, but the pain was pushed aside by the sence of pride and happiness for his best friend.
oh shit, this is getting out of hand, I'm starting to think about the other timelines and dynamics, we'll be here all week hhhhgh
About the popular ships... Well, I'm a big fan of railao (yeah NO SHIT who would have thought), but I am a multishipper, so I'm just happy to see my fav characters feeling good in someone's hands. 😊
I really like the liulao and laoliutana for several different reasons. 👀 The johnshilao (or is it laojohnshi..? erm) was the one that didn't impress me at first (love the Lao just third-wheeling with a tired expression <:'D), but recently I'm starting to warm up to all the different dynamics these three can have. And that is, in no small part, thanks to you and your kenlao agenda 👀💖 damn you created such a nice cozy universe for them I'm 🥺💕💗💖
Bi-Han/Lao is a bit random, but I love how catto did them, they are such a cute pair of assholes! >:3
ummm, yeah, so I'm going to stop there ahahhH. Thank you again for asking and for all the nice little feels your art provides, I admire you tremendously~
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caligvlasaqvarivm · 20 days
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ok im not going to tag this but i need you guys to know that my endgame ships for eridan and karkat are
eridan ♦️ karkat
eridan ♥️ roxy
roxy ♦️ calliope
eridan ♠️ calliope
karkat ♥️ calliope
i call it "the polycule only a blood player could love" and although it manages to be perfectly healthy, from the outside, everyone looks like they're cheating on everyone else. nepeta is staring at it going ":33 < dodged a fucking bullet!!!"
Eridan ♦️ Karkat
the ship with the most canon backing. this ship needs to be true before all other ships can be true because it keeps the two of them normal enough to have a shot at romancing anybody else. nobody realized they were pale for each other for an embarrasingly long time because their regular day to day conversations feature slurs and death threats. sometimes looks pitch or flushed from the outside because karkat is a mess who can't stop yelling at people he's trying to romance in the red quads, and because eridan gets really needy sometimes.
Eridan ♥️ Roxy
They get together within five minutes of knowing each other and, despite Rose's protests, never ever break up. Eridan is into cute, pink, bubbly, nice girls, and Roxy is into eccentric troubled princes. Not to mention she fucking loves wizards, and Eridan is a wizard, and that they're both hipsters who use rifles. Also Eridan is weird as hell and Roxy thinks he's hilarious for it. Despite the fact that he puts on this unpleasant, nasty act, he'll pretty much do anything Roxy tells him to, and she likes that. She thinks he has himbo energy. Everyone else thinks she's deranged. Like girl that guy is an insane murderer. Girl he will not stop saying slurs
also their specific abilities are diametrically opposed in an interesting way? prince of hope = can destroy anything he believes he can destroy, rogue of void = can create anything by stealing away its nonexistence. neat!
Roxy ♦️ Calliope
since they aren't trolls and don't need to calm each other down, it's not really a proper moirallegiance, but they're bffffffs and the kinds of silly fun-loving gals who would call their friendship a moirallegiance even if it doesn't have the biological components or serve the social function of one. Two girls that just love each other.
Eridan ♠️ Calliope
biologically, cherubs only engage in pitch romances and are attracted to other cherubs that remind them of the other half they lost in predomination. what i'm saying is that calliope - unfortunately for her - has brother issues. initially put off by eridan's superficial similarities to caliborn - his bluster, his riflekind, his insane logic and thick skull, and how damn often he talks about murder - as they get to know each other, the feeling becomes mutual. eridan is generally totally ok with outright hostility, but calliope's faux-nice smugness when taunting an opponent would drive him nuts, as would the earnestness with which she approaches magic (what kind of POSER needs to RELOAD their WAND), and in general, i think he'd take her genuine well-wishes toward other people as a personal affront, a la "i didn't ever need anybody to look after me!"
they somehow have a 50/50 win ratio at the board games they play, which drives calliope nuts. "believing in your pieces" is not a valid chess strategy!!!!!!!!!
also i think it's fun and thematic, the angel killer and the cherub, whose adult form features hope-shaped wings.
Karkat ♥️ Calliope
We know two things from his crush on terezi: the first is that karkat is into clever, cunning gals, and the second is that he's really fucking messy, the kind of guy who would tell his flushed crush to "set the table on his bone bulge for their candle light hate date." Fortunately, or unfortunately??? for calliope, the fact that he will scream obscenities at her is kind of what she's into. everybody, please, a moment of silence for calliope, who somehow manages to have worse taste in men than roxy.
but yeah more seriously, karkat has a big and loving heart, and so does calliope, while calliope maintains a cleverness and intellect that karkat would be into.
normally, it would be a huge problem for your moirail to be pitch for your matesprit, and we have that both ways here. however, a few factors are mitigating that here. first, eridan will always prioritize karkat or roxy over calliope when they're around. this actually does kind of piss her off, although she feels annoyed that it does. second, calliope is generally mature enough to compartmentalize. third, karkat WILL auspicetize if they aren't careful, and nobody wants that. and fourth, everybody wants to keep roxy happy.
but yeah everyone else watching it is like. are you guys okay? blink if you need help
ofc ship what you want to ship this is not at all me telling you what you should be into. im just saying that these ships have been calculated for Maximum Funnyness, which as we know, is the only objective measure for what makes a good homestuck ship
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a-doubleh-x · 26 days
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Why I like Chaggie
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Hey! My last casual ship review did pretty well, so here I am with another! Needless to say, but thank you all for the interactions, I appreciate it very much 🥰
Last time I talked about Charlastor, a notorious controversial ship and today I'll talk about a surprisingly controversial ship: Chaggie. Why do people dislike this ship? I'll go a bit into it on the second half of this post, but first I'll talk on the positive I see in this cute couple.
First of all, as a guy in his late twenties who's been on at least one relationship, I will say that I appreciate a relation that's mostly based on comfort and support. Some people might think that's boring or not quite the basis of romance, but I think quite the opposite. Johnathan Decker, a licensed couples therapist on youtube (you might know him from Cinema Therapy) often talks about how safety and mutual understanding are the basis of any lasting relationship.
At the start of the Amazon series, Charlie and Vaggie have been together for 3 years, which is evident in many of their day to day interactions. They're comfortable with each other, they rely on each other and best of all, they still coo every now and then over how adorable the other is.
That is not to say the relationship is without conflict, which in my opinion as a writer it's the lifeblood of any good story. Vaggie is clearly quite codependent of Charlie, which is why a large portion of her self worth is based on being useful to her. However, I think the two of them do a decent job of talking through the problems this brings sometimes, such as episode 3.
I think it's cool that the relationship seems to work despite their rocky moments. Charlie most likely thinks a person like Vaggie is a breath of fresh air in Hell, she's selfless, loyal and dedicated. That's probably the reason why she has so much patience with her, a feeling that I'm certain is mutual. Vaggie is clearly very aware of how silly and idealistic Charlie is, in fact she often tries to nudge her to be careful with her attitude. And even though she may not agree with everything, she still always supports her without appearing judgemental, which I think speaks volumes of her character.
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Now, let's talk about the shortcomings in the face of the audience. Some people think there's not enough substance in canon to be sold on the couple, which I think is a valid opinion. Some people argue that Chaggie's relationship is boring and not quite as interesting to watch as Charlastor, which I don't entirely agree with. Some people plain dislike or hate Vaggie because they think she's just a naggy chick who is an awful partner to Charlie in every way, which I *definitely* don't agree with.
My opinion falls in a more moderate standpoint. I think, even in the series, their relationship isn't boring, but it could've been presented better. While I said earlier that I think conflict is good in a story, I think a problem in the series that's probably unintentional is that most of the story beats with Charlie and Vaggie are negative.
In episode 3, they have a fight over their lack of communication. In episode 6, Vaggie puts her own secret status as a fallen angel over Charlie, which harms her later. And in episode 7, Charlie spends most of the episode mad at Vaggie and they make up offscreen, which is something unilaterally most fans believe was a mistake.
To the showrunner's credit, there are some positive major story beats. There's Charlie's trust fall on Vaggie, which was cute. There's their beautiful duet in episode 8. And there's them fighting alongside each other in the final battle.
Unfortunately, the fact their arc is a bit wonky and doesn't have a proper buildup makes it so that the climax (the duet) may feel a bit unearned. I don't want to make this whole post about the series because I could spend all day talking about it, so I'll just say for now that i underdtand why some people aren't sold on the ship.
I will say. Some fans have some very beautiful, gorgeous pictures of this ship. There's this great comic made by squids-and-fruitcake that's been running around about Charlie giving Vaggie a gift for Christmas (here's a youtube link in case you want to watch a dub, I couldn't find the original)
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I think it's a great example of why this relationship works: they love each other. They may not completely understand each other's circumstances, but they try every day and are still together because of their mutual effort.
Charlie herself, as Hell's number 1 laughingstock can really use the support and the fact that Vaggie supports her even though she doesn't have all the answers means a lot to her. She brings her stability, peace and affection, all things she lacked until she met her.
Vaggie, on the other hand, who was plunged against her will into a pit of violence and cynicism also needs Charlie's perspective. She loves the fact that she cares about something bigger than herself, that she wants to help damned people like her, which given her circumstances I think it's something she also needs in a fundamental level.
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That haz bin my review for today! What do you think? Do you like Chaggie? Do you think it could've been written better? What's your favorite interaction between them? Let me hear your thoughts! It's been fun to put my thoughts down for casual reviews, I hadn't done it before, so expect more in the future while I'm still working on the next chapter of my fanfic.
I think I already have an idea about what my next Hazbin post is going to be about (hint: it has to do with Angel Dust). Thank you again for all the love, hope to see you all soon!
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apollosgiftofprophecy · 4 months
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What made you fall in love with Copollo and how can we angst this with Hypollo?
I had to marinate this in my head for a bit haha
First - What Made Me Love Copollo?
I don't know if I have the words for it, but I shall try! XD
First of all, I do love me some of that simple, satisfying ships that make you smile - ie, Percabeth - but -
But. But.
There's something about those toxic relationships that are so interesting.
And Copollo has an especially interesting dynamic - Commodus is the more toxic one, but Apollo's the one with all the power. Usually it's only one person with both those things but it's split between them (and note: I said Commodus was the more toxic one - Apollo was also toxic. he was enabling Commodus.)
So the dynamic is one reason. But I also just...love their story.
They relate to each other on a level rarely reached. They had a genuine relationship that was more than carnal, or even just affectionate. They loved each other, and I do think Commodus had just as much of an effect on Apollo as Daphne and Hyacinthus did.
I mean come on.
Apollo gets nervous around trees because of Daphne = Apollo doesn't like water because of Commodus.
Apollo describes Hyacinthus as perfect = Apollo has thought of Commodus as perfect.
It's all right there^^^^
And with Apollo, it's like he's caught in this "I can fix him" / "he can make me worse" mindset.
With Commodus, he's been seeking validation his whole life and clings to Apollo's when it's given to him - and his sanity spirals when he looses it.
They're that perfect mix of "match made in heaven" and "match made in hell". They would have worked but they also could not.
It's just. such a tragedy. which FITS because ya know, Greek Tragedy TM ;)
AND OF COURSE THEIR INTERACTIONS ARNUMNUMNUM!!!!!
How they're so very casual with each other in that flashback. Apollo's bouncing grapes off Commodus's nose for crying out loud THEY'RE IN LOVE YOUR HONOR-!
And then. In ToA. urhhhhhh it's so good. Commodus is That Ex with a picture of his ex on a dartboard. SERIOUSLY. and he THROWS KNIVES AT IT.
LIKE COME ON HOW MUCH MORE JILTED EX CAN YOU GET?
"dear heart", anybody? DEAR HEART? REMEMBER THAT?! I DO!!! LIVES RENT-FREE IN MY HEAD!!!!!
also the two innuendos in TDP and TTT are so good like come on Rick you know what you did there
and then. their final scene together. it's just. ARGHURHMMRM
Apollo reminisces on how he used to hold Commodus's hands with love. Commodus is so fucking eager to take a shot at him. Apollo screams him to death like omfg and the last thing - the last thing - Commodus hears is Apollo's pent-up heartbreak.
May I emphasize Apollo's pent-up heartbreak. HIS HEARTBREAK OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS YES BUT ALSO HIS LIFETIME. WHICH MEANS COMMODUS IS LITERALLY GIVEN A FACE-FULL OF PROOF THAT APOLLO STILL CARED FOR HIM.
Two people in love, and their love going so wrong when one betrays the other - killing them! - and the other is suddenly hellbent on revenge?
It's all about that lovers to enemies, everybody. Enemies to lovers is good and all but what about loves to enemies.
It's so good armnumnum.
GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM OKAY I LOVE THESE BISEXUAL BITCHES MJHYJUFGH
inhale
exhale
i'm good now. ahem inspects ask angst it with Hyapollo now, eh?
Let's see here...
Well for one Commodus is 100% jealous of Hyacinthus. Like sorry I'm not moving from this hill I will die on this hill you will have to climb up this hill and drag me off it kicking and crying and screaming and clawing you. I'm not moving. crosses arms and sits down pouting
Meanwhile, in the Hyacinthus department, I think Hya would just...not really care? Or well, he'd care about how Apollo took the whole arc but he wouldn't be like "oh no he moved on :(" about it (Poly Apollo is canon y'all i don't make the rules!). more like "bitch you think I give a shit about you?" at Commodus. "YOU'RE NOT WORTH MY TIME!"
I also find it funny if it's this:
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this hasn't really turned out as angst but the comedic potential is too good lmao XD
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the-kipsabian · 4 months
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wrestling fic writers!!
i have decided to be the change i wanna see, so lets do a nice little thing for each other, as a community full of incredible and talented writers. yes this is writer specific only, but thats cause thats where the main problem of people not interacting with creative works lies in this fandom as far as i can tell and have seen people talking about it especially in the last couple of months
if you read this, please add links to your written works. it can be just a single fic youre really proud of, your writing blog, your writing tag, your ao3 account, anything where your works can be found
and if you leave your link here, PLEASE check out someone else that has left their works, and interact with them. leave them a comment, even just a kudos, REBLOG their fic, etc. interacting is the keyword i want to emphasize here, along with building a sort of a masterpost of where to find people writing in this fandom
and if you are not a writer, youre still highly encouraged to interact with this post and share it and show love to the writers in this fandom, obviously!! i think that should go without saying, but adding it in anyways
a bit more about my vision and resources and such under the read more, but thats the gist of it. happy linking and please be kind and supportive to each other!! 💜
nobody is too big or too small to add their things on this list. if you write and post anything in this fandom whatsoever, be it fics or drabbles or headcanons, any companies or any kind of ships or reader inserts or any content whatsoever no matter how 'dead dove dont eat' or hell even if its just meta, we welcome all here and nobody can say that one thing is less valid than another. just please tag your content accordingly, especially if theres content warnings, and feel free to mention what you write, who you write, any info you wish to leave that would help people before they click on your links. but even so, that should not and hopefully will not deter people from interacting, no matter what it is. someones trash is another ones treasure, i promise you
and unless the amount gets really overwhelming, im personally going to be checking out everyone that leaves something here. unless it squeaks me out, but even then, i'll spread the word. and i just wish as many people as possible will do the same, and not just use this as a potential board to only get eyes on their stuff. ofc thats also the point, but you should give as much, if not more, than you get. we need to be kind and supportive of one another (besides, from personal experience, if you show love to someone else, they are more likely to do it back than without you taking the first step, so... pay it forward)
as for resources, heres a few links that should be helpful in leaving comments and feedback. of course everyone does their own thing and no comment is too big or too small to leave, but for those who need them. if you have anything you'd like added to this list, dont hesitate to get in touch or drop it in the post yourself!!
101 comment starters
ao3 floating comment box
kudos html
dont know how to comment? easy solutions
a quick hot guide to commenting (by yours truly)
an overall guide to appreciating fanfic writers
and just in general.. leave people comments. leave them asks about their projects. just go over and gush about their work. i know it sounds embarrassing but writers love nothing more than to hear that someone likes what they are doing. if you find a fic that hasnt been updated in forever, comment on it. it might just be the spark the author needs to continue. while kudos and likes are nice, and just as valuable to some, its definitely in the words the people leave for them that matter the most. im not saying this to put pressure on anyone, its just how it is, and i feel like unless people are writers themselves, and even then sometimes, thats just hard to grasp, especially if the writer is a smaller and less popular one who doesnt get a lot of traffic in the first place
i think thats all. just be nice and considered to everyone, reblog peoples works, this post with others add ons and so forth. and if i find anyone talking shit here or at other writers for something they share, you'll be blocked and im probably taking your kneecaps. be fucking nice. we are all struggling here and we need to stick together
happy sharing and commenting 💜💜
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a brief retrospective on Louis and Violet as love interests, Clementine's bisexuality, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this
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In December of 2019, I made a series of posts called "An Explanation of Why Louis and Violet are Both Excellent Love Interests" that explored my feelings on the topic after seeing a lot of fighting in the fandom over who's better; who is the "right" choice for Clementine?
The answer is simple: there isn't an objectively correct choice.
I compared Louis and Violet to the romantic options in other games, including Life is Strange, Persona 4, King's Quest 2015, and Catherine, as well as TWDG: A New Frontier. I wanted to show how much better TFS handled the romance versus those games, why we should be grateful for what we got since it could've been a lot worse, and how the fighting over who's "right" was a waste of time.
I suppose it's only fitting that I'd be driven to revisit this topic after seeing fans continue to argue amongst themselves over this years later in the trenches of a weakening fandom.
Just when I think I'm done writing pieces for TWDG, some random redditor writes an essay about how violentine only exists for "woke points" that grabs me by the throat and throws me down. Then another will insist that clouis is abusive since Louis voted against them in ep2 in their own essay and I'm dragged back here, kicking and screaming.
While I think my previous Excellent Love Interests posts about this are on the juvenile side, I do still agree with my main point: Louis and Violet are excellent characters who make for compelling love interests. The fact that we got them both, that we were given the choice, and that they're as well done as they are, is something I don't think we appreciate enough. Hell, I don't think we even appreciate that Clementine's a canonically bisexual protagonist as much as we should.
We're too busy trying to one up each other with, "Well, actually, clouis is superior because of this and this," and "no, you're wrong, violentine is actually better because of this and this," and sometimes a wild non-shipper will appear out of nowhere to slap down an, "actually, you both suck, singletine is better."
It's sad that this is what fandom inevitably defaults to, always. It stops being about the game we love, the thing that brought us here, and it becomes a pissing match.
Doesn't matter what fandom it is; we end up projecting too much of ourselves onto fictional characters, investing too much of our time into ship culture, hyper-fixating until it becomes part of us... and let's be real, sometimes it's in unhealthy ways.
So, when someone else attacks the things we're attached to, it becomes a personal attack... and when we feel threatened, we become defensive and retaliate... and sometimes, we take it too far and target others out of insecurity, to feel validated, even if it means going after someone who is just minding their own business.
Also, I think some people are just assholes who want to piss on everyone.
Because of this, I would like to discuss Louis and Violet as romanceable characters, why they're both important to TFS no matter who you choose, why Clementine being a bisexual protagonist matters, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this.
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For many personal reasons, I've always been trepid about being open with my sexuality as a bi woman. I've done a lot of reflection this year on why that is; internalized misogyny, the biphobia that lingers in the queer community, insecurities, regrets, how I tend to be harsher on female characters over male characters, why it took me so long to not feel afraid of engaging with queer media, admitting I was wrong about so many things I've said in the past, how it's all affected my writing, etc.
When TFS released and I made this blog, I had already accepted my bisexuality but was in no way public about it, not online or in my personal life. But playing the first two episode of TFS, being presented with both Louis and Violet as potential romantic partners struck something inside of me.
Yes, I picked Louis; we all know I'm a major clouis shipper at this point, and if you're new here, then now you know, too.
But it's the fact that Violet's also an option, that with just a few different button presses, Clementine could've fallen for her just as she did with Louis; that there's evidence in game that she shows interested in both of them no matter your choices; that no one in-game judges Clementine for who she chooses to be with... that meant something to me in a way that it hadn't before.
TFS wasn't the first game I played with a bi protagonist; in Excellent Love Interests, I compared Louis and Violet to Life is Strange's Chloe and Warren. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the first LiS game overall, but I've been quite open about my dislike of Chloe and indifference to Warren.
Chloe, to me, is everything I dislike in a love interest, predominately in wlw. 2023 was the year of "CJ dives into sapphic literature and it's a 50/50 chance of striking gold or gettin' hella eaten by disappointment, shaka brah." Meaning I've read a lot of wlw novels, and all the ones I hated featured a Chloe clone, sometimes done even worse.
And Warren? I'll be real honest with you- I couldn't even remember what his name was when I started writing this. I had to go back and check. That tells you what I think of him, no?
So, LiS didn't strike me the same way. Sure, I knew Max was a bi protagonist and that's great, but the choices weren't appealing to me. This was when I was a teenager still somewhat in denial of my sexuality, which most definitely contributed to me being uncomfortable when faced with a wlw relationship portrayed in-game, especially when I found myself wishing Kate was an option for Max... but y'know, "shhhhhhh if I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist."
When the first episode of TFS released, I was older, I was no longer in a not-so-great relationship, and had better accepted who I am. The first episode does a great job of introducing you to Louis and Violet, and giving you the opportunity to spend more time with the one you're interested in.
I actually really liked them both when ep1 dropped, but I've always had a preference for a character who is kind, deflects with humor, and tends to be picked on by the rest of the cast... so it was inevitable that I'd stick with Louis. Though I won't discredit Violet in ep1, or the rest of the game, just because I didn't choose her in the end.
That's one of the best things about Louis and Violet as options; they're opposites, yet alike in many ways. They have their appeals and charms. They're flawed. It never feels like a "love triangle" situation where they're fighting over Clementine. Louis and Violet are friends who have known each other from before the walkers came. It's refreshing to have two characters who are interested in the same person but don't go for each other's throats over it. When they do argue over her, it's more to do with AJ shooting Marlon and whether it's safe for the group to let them stay.
I can't fault anyone who struggled to pick between them. When someone talks about who they picked and why, it's all about the player's preferences.
It's your choice to make, and no matter what, you're not wrong for it.
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This season concludes Clementine's story, regardless of what some comics will say. It's the last fight. It's her happy ending. She and AJ finally found a home, a family.
I've played these games since S1 came out in 2012, over ten years ago. Clementine holds a special place in my heart. Not only did this important character have a great final season [despite Telltale shutting down and TFS nearly being left incomplete, remember] but she's also revealed to be canonically bisexual.
They didn't release the whole season and then as an afterthought be like, "oh yeah btw she's bi, she has oneline of flirty dialogue with this character so see? we did good rep."
Yeah, I'm side eyeing you, ANF.
They didn't try to hide it. They presented it to the player unapologetically and made a conscious decision to exclude anything biphobic from other characters... which meant a lot to me.
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Biphobia is real and it's not that I don't want it explored well in media, but there's something appealing and safe about a game with a bisexual main character who isn't questioned about it negatively; "You're bi? Doesn't that mean you cheat on all your partners?"
To give a compliment to Life is Strange: True Colors, I had a similar feeling in that game, too. Alex is openly bi, she can date either Steph or Ryan and no one questions the "legitimacy" of her bisexuality.
Because that's always a thing on top of everything else, y'know? "You're a bad bi unless you're with the 'gayer option.'" "Bisexuality isn't real, you're just confused." "I don't date girls who've been tainted by a man." "Oh, you're into girls? How about a threesome?"
Violet never turns her nose up at Clementine for admitting she had a crush on Gabe. Louis isn't ever gross about Clementine and Violet getting close. It speaks volumes for their characters and how accepting they, and everyone else at Ericson, are of Clementine no matter who she chooses, if anyone.
That acceptance, even if it's just in a game, means more than words can express to queer players who don't feel that acceptance in their daily lives.
Which means it hurts all the more when it comes to the fandom's own display of biphobia; "You're bi but ship clouis? Why ship something hetero when violentine is right there?" "Well, MY Clementine's straight because she picked Louis! Stop forcing the gay onto MY Clementine!"
Clementine's important to all of us. Why do you think so many people are pissed about the comics to the point of spewing disgusting bile toward Tillie Walden? I've said my piece on that plenty times before, so allow me to say it on this; the representation of bisexuality in Clementine is beautifully woven through TFS in ways that are subtle yet impactful, and I thank TFS for giving that to us.
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One argument I've come across recently against Clementine's bisexuality, and violentine in general: "blegh they only included violentine/made Clem bi for lgbt points." y'know... as if that's a bad thing.
It bothers me because A. saying "I'm not homophobic *but*-" and then making a homophobic argument against violentine while insisting that Clementine's bisexuality came out of nowhere and was forced is icky, and B. I know I've said similar things about violentine in the past. I know I used to argue that violentine's underdeveloped, yet the devs pushed it to the forefront over clouis to pat themselves on the back for doing representation, etc.
I don't believe that anymore; remember when I brought up people making arguments out of insecurity? Yeah, that and being lowkey bitter that violentine got more dev attention than clouis sometimes even though like... that doesn't matter? It literally doesn't matter. That's what I meant when I said you get so invested that certain things feel like a personal attack when they're not.
Some of the developers of TFS are queer people. They probably wanted a bi protagonist with a wlw option because that representation is important to them and they had the opportunity to express it, not because they were trying to get "points" with anyone. Go listen to the commentaries for TFS; they talk about violentine with nothing but positivity, and they didn't do that to shade Louis or clouis shippers. And if you do think they did it shade fans, then maybe stop and consider why; do you actually believe that or are you annoyed that your fave wasn't the center of attention?
On the flip side, I also want to say that gloating and insisting that violentine is the better/right choice because of these things is also unpleasant and untrue. It sucks when it feels like things are biased against you and it sucks even more when that bias is weaponized by other fans to beat you down.
But honestly? If you need this much validation on your opinions about fictional characters, maybe you should stop to think about why that is and what it says about you, yeah?
Truly, this whole clouis versus violentine thing is irritating at best, vile at worse. Thankfully it doesn't happen as much on tumblr given the state of the fandom, and everyone's at least agreed that no matter their feelings toward each other, clemricca is worse. So, that's something, I guess.
I think the best way I can put this is you don't get to dictate what other people think and feel. Being passionate is great until it becomes an excuse to be an asshole. Not everyone is going to agree with you and you need to put your big kid pants on and accept that.
I'm under no impression that the fighting will ever stop, even when this fandom is dried up with only bones and memories haunting its desert... but at the very least, I can point some of it out and ask that we do better than this.
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The focus gets lost in the fighting, and that focus is Louis and Violet themselves. Y'know, the two this retrospective's about.
Remember when I talked about Persona 4 in Excellent Love Interests and how much it sucks when the person you want to romance isn't actually an option--?
Hmm? What's that? Ah, yes, right- @pi-creates insists I add that TFS and Persona 4 actually are the same because Aasim wasn't an option and they're still bitter about that... but this isn't about Aasim, that's a topic for another day. Sorry Pi, but thanks for the screenshots used in this retrospective👍
Anyway, TFS gave us two excellent choices, and it would've been worse off had it only given us one of them, or none at all.
Louis wears charisma as a mask and uses humor as a shield to deflect. Violet, for as quiet and standoffish as she first appears, has a heart she's both eager and reluctant to share.
Louis is warm curtains of sunlight seeping through the murmuring woods of green leaves and little song birds. A heart carved into the rustic wood of an out-of-tune piano. Music echoing in the early morning hallways.
Violet is the glow of a full moon that illuminates still waters so the stars can dance in its reflection. Paint smeared over finger tips to offer a piece of herself meant to be worn. Constellations of stars named in secret.
They're both lonely people, often misunderstood by the others at Ericson, and sometimes by each other. They want to be known. They want to be seen.
But fear is a powerful wall to overcome.
And that's the beauty of choice. You get the impression of knowing them in the beginning, but it rarely breaks surface tension; Louis is nice and funny but undependable, Violet's rude and reserved and a little awkward. Neither are outspoken about any issues around Ericson, content to keep their heads down.
Clementine has to make the effort to know them, and the game establishes this by asking you an unassuming question: do you want to go hunting with Louis or fishing with Violet?
Clementine either makes an effort to understand Violet's feelings toward Brody and why she's so mean to her, and try to help her through it... or she doesn't listen to what Violet's saying, is dismissive, and ends up making things worse.
When Clementine goes hunting with Louis, she has to make the decision to spend time with him or ignore him in favor of hunting, and should she choose him, he opens up to her just a bit.
Then comes the confrontation with Marlon at the end of the episode where Clementine has to make the choice of who to appeal to. The gravity of this choice is often glossed over, I think.
Marlon has a gun pointed at her head, and she pleas for Louis or Violet to step in and save her. Both are hesitant because of course they are! They've known Marlon longer, he has a gun, and he's using manipulation to scare them into submission; he uses his friendship against Louis, and Minerva against Violet.
But when Clementine gets through to them? They stand between her and Marlon in rather in-character ways; Louis eases in with his hands up, attempting to deescalate the situation while Violet pulls out a weapon and demands he back off.
They risked getting shot. They risked death. They knew what was happening was wrong. They didn't want Clementine to die, they didn't fully believe Marlon's bullshit but were too scared to step forward until Clementine asked them, too. In that moment she basically told them, "I trust you. Instinct tells me you are the one who can stop this. My life is in your hands."
This choice changes them, and this moment ripples through the rest of the season. It makes perfect sense that Louis would be upset over Marlon's death and feel unsafe with Clementine and AJ there whereas Violet sees the death as justified and Clementine and AJ shouldn't be kicked out over it. It's an overwhelming situation for everyone.
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I've talked about ep2 and the vote until my lungs nearly collapsed and I saw the gates of Hell over the horizon... but that's fine, I can talk a little more about it and maybe this time the flames with cleanse me of my sins or something.
This is where the fighting really began, and I shouldn't have to say it again, but I will anyway: There isn't an objectively correct answer here, there's only personal preference.
Louis and Violet take very clear, opposite stances on this situation. I think they're both a little wrong and a little right; they shouldn't ignore that AJ killed Marlon, but kicking them out isn't the best solution either.
As a clouis shipper, I happen to like the way these events play out with Louis' vote. But not everyone feels that way. For some, Louis' vote is a deal breaker, making Violet the more appealing option given she voted for Clementine and AJ to stay.
Do you want a girl that's been by Clementine's side from the beginning and was vocal about keeping her and AJ here?
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Great, Violet's the choice for you. Enjoy the lovely moonlight and constellation mini-game.
Do you want the extra angst of a boy who made a vote he comes to regret and then does everything he can to apologize and make it up to Clementine?
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Wonderful, here's Louis. He'll play you a song he wrote and then name it after Clementine, it's very cute.
While on the topic of ep2, I also want to discuss the episode's final choice of saving either Louis or Violet and the consequences.
You know how in other games, say like massive RPG's with "good" and "evil" choices you can make that end up defining your character? You know how sometimes people question why developers even bothered putting those evil routes in since a majority of people will choose to be good? This isn't a new topic of discussion, but it's relevant to my point- they do it because the option to be evil makes the choice to be good more impactful. If you do choose to be evil, you did it knowing you could've been good and yet you decided chaos was the way to go, and now everyone and everything around your character suffers.
I don't think it only applies to binary "good" versus "evil" choices, either.
TWDG is great with its "You can only save one of them" choices, even if they usually fumble with the consequences in later episodes.
When I'm faced with this choice to save either Louis or Violet, I don't save Louis just because I like him more. Sure, initially that's why I saved him on my first run... but then the rest of the season came out and I learned the consequences of the choices I did and didn't make.
Knowing that he'll get his tongue cut out if I don't save him makes me all the more anxious to choose him. And I know violentine shippers are gutted knowing that if they don't save her, she'll feel so betrayed that she turns on Clementine and in the end is blinded in the boat explosion, so they're just as eager to save her.
But all of us have to live with the consequences of what happens to the one we didn't save, too. We made the decision to save the one we love at the cost of hurting the other we didn't love enough. You can't save them both. You're forced to hurt one of them in order to protect the other.
And it doesn't even stop there. TFS isn't done twisting the knife.
Mere moments before you have to make the choice to save one of them, Lilly's standing over Clementine with her finger on the trigger... only to then be tackled by the person you didn't choose to spend time with.
They just saved Clementine's life only to be dragged away by their neck, and the game asks you what that's worth: They got captured saving you, so do you save them in return or do you remain loyal to the one you chose before?
And when you know the consequences of both routes, when you know Louis will have his tongue cut out and Violet will have her eyes burned?
Louis and Violet are good people at their cores who only wanted to be understood and loved, and no matter what, you have to abandon one of them for the other... and they are left physically and mentally traumatized because of it.
But wait, there's more. The one you didn't save will always survive to the end and act as a constant reminder of what you chose... but the one you saved? If you don't trust AJ, then you'll be forced to watch them get torn apart and eaten alive by a herd of walkers. The only way to save them is to trust AJ so that he shoots Tenn.
A child has to die in order for you to save the one you love again, a choice you indirectly made.
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The ending shows you the one you didn't save, and it shows you Tenn's grave... and it presents a quiet question: was it worth it?
Would you make those choices again?
That's the power Louis and Violet bring to TFS.
That's why the choice matters.
We justify trusting AJ because we'd rather see Louis and Violet live over Tenn, knowing we're taking away the best friend AJ's ever had and allowing Minerva to get her way. We save Louis knowing that it breaks something inside of Violet and results in her permanently losing most of her eyesight. We save Violet knowing that we'll find Louis bloody and sobbing in the cell after having his tongue cut out of his mouth.
And we argue about it amongst ourselves even though it's all fucked. There isn't a true happy ending here, not for everyone.
Louis and Violet stand on their own as great characters, but you only get the true depth depending on how you play. They're excellent love interests because they care for Clementine. Through their relationship with her, they grow as people and find the acceptance and love they're starved for.
It's not perfect, but it honestly doesn't need to be. There was care woven into these characters. Both routes have a wide appeal. That means something to so many people.
I know we as fans often will say we wanted more, we wanted this and that, we wish this was different. It's not a dating sim where the main objective is to woo them. It's not a massive RPG with hundreds of hours to explore every nook and cranny of their characters. This is a Telltale game. It's a narrative with Clementine and AJ at the forefront, and it's up to you whether you want Louis or Violet to share that spotlight.
It's a story about Clementine finding a home, about molding what kind of survivor AJ comes. It's about Clementine meeting two broken people with glass shards at their feet, about her glass mixing with theirs. It's a game about choice; which glass pieces do you pick up, and which do you step on?
We should take more time to appreciate Louis and Violet. We should share our appreciation for the development team for giving us a bisexual lead with two great love interests, especially since we almost didn't get TFS in its entirety; we can hate Skybound as much as we want for the Clementine comics, but without them, this team wouldn't have been able to finish the game they were clearly passionate about.
We should have more self-awareness and try to understand why we like and dislike things without targeting others.
In conclusion?
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I think they're both neat 👍
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Why is the answer always "Levi said this Levi did this" whenever one asks about the signs of Eruri in canon? Levi's side is pretty clear, but every time I talk to an Eruri and I ask "but why do you think Erwin loved Levi" the answer is very long but it's mostly empty and just "I am sure he did" or "but Levi loved him so Eruri is canon". Sorry this isn't a "hehehe your ship is one sided it's not canon" type of question. It's more of a writing-wise question, since you are a writer yourself I thought you'd give the best answer to this.
I am wondering, is this because of lack of Erwin's pov in aot manga or anime? I know Erwin is important and plays an important role and story revolves around him in s3 p2 and all that but when you look at the bigger picture he's mostly just there. He's in the story but you don't see his pov. We don't get to see the inside of his head until the end. Is this why "does Erwin love Levi" question is a hot topic in aot fandom always? Or are there any side stories like smartpass aus that suggest Erwin had feelings for Levi? I'm sorry I don't know those very well I only know the manga and the anime.
Lastly, I am sure you answered this before but my question is very specific, do you actually believe it was mutual? After all it's fiction and you don't need their love to be mutual to ship them. People ship characters who barely interact. It's what fandom is and that's totally normal and valid. I guess I am wondering if you ever doubted, th ship or even yourself which I do a lot (in a "oh I love this so much and I read so much fics I made myself believe" way) Thanks I hope this doesn't sound rude or offensive, my English isn't very good so if I sound rude that must be it it's not my intention :)
Ooof there’s  a lot of different questions here but I think they boil down to the following: 
Are Erwin and Levi’s feelings for each other mutual? / Does Erwin reciprocate Levi’s feelings?
Why do people question Erwin’s relationship to Levi? 
Do I personally believe their relationship was mutual, and have ever “doubted the ship”?
I’ve answered the first question many, many times over the years. You can read all my various answers here.  In short I do think that Erwin reciprocated Levi’s feelings and I think the evidence is there in the manga, the official guidebooks, the Smartpass stories, and the side content for anyone who cares to see it. I’m not going to list all the side content here, but there’s a very old post by @erbeansandravioli that links to a lot of it: Eruri receipts.
As to why people question Erwin’s relationship to Levi, well that’s an interesting one.  Some people clearly just don’t get Erwin’s character (see the previous ask I just answered), they don’t understand his role in the plot or the significance of his relationship to Levi.  For example I’ve seen people arguing passionately that Levi’s vow had nothing to do with Erwin, which is just mind boggling to me. It’s certainly true that Erwin is a much harder character to read than Levi who very much wears his heart on his sleeve.  Erwin is more reserved, and holds his cards closer to his chest.  However the fact that Levi is the only one who he reveals his true self to is significant. Daisuke Ono put it beautifully when he said in an interview that the amplitude of Erwin’s feelings is so great that it can be hard to see.  
It could also be that some, perhaps younger, readers just don’t recognise their relationship for what it is. It’s certainly not a typical shounen romance, but it is a deeply believable adult relationship; one that is based on mutual trust, respect and understanding. This is from a previous ask I answered on the subject:
It frustrates me enormously when people deny their canon relationship, despite Yams being at paints to explain it repeatedly in the guidebooks. I want to shake them and ask what the hell they think a relationship looks like when you’re an exhausted 30 + year old war veteran who has spent their entire life fighting for survival.  It looks like this; finding someone who you can trust with your life. If you were to ask me what characterizes a successful adult relationship I would say it’s exactly this; mutual trust, respect and understanding, and when push comes to shove, the willingness to do everything in your power to help the person you hold most dear, even if that means letting them go. 
And as to whether I’ve ever doubted the ship, the answer to that would be no, never.  Sure we’ve never seen them swear undying love in canon (though some would argue with that and point to Erwin’s "Arigatō Levi".) I wrote this in response to an ask about Eruri canonicity: 
Do you mean that you don’t believe they’re canon because we never see them kiss? Because they never marry?  Because the main focus of the story isn’t romance?  All those things are true, but in my opinion, they’re also not the only things that make a relationship canon.  Particularly when that relationship is between two war-weary 30 year old men who have been fighting for survival almost their entire lives. The irony is that, in some ways, Erwin and Levi’s relationship is actually quite conventional. They really do behave a bit like an old married couple.  They have a long standing relationship that has matured over many years, they have their own weird sense of humour, they’re not afraid to challenge each other, but they care about one another deeply, and they also trust each other unconditionally.  That’s all the canon evidence I need tbh.
Having said that, you are absolutely right that you don’t need any canon evidence to ship a couple.  Hell, I’ve had great fun written Hanji and Petra as a side ship and I don’t think they ever even interacted in canon.  In Erwin and Levi’s case though there is more than enough evidence in canon to attest to the significance of their relationship. 
Hope this answers your questions.
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autistichalsin · 4 months
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Okay, I’ve been a bit scared because I’ve been observing from the sidelines, but I do want you to know this isn’t a hateful or troll ask, I’m genuinely asking for clarification.
In my experience, “pro-shipping” has always meant ‘problematic shipping’, and all of the people I’ve talked to about this have said the same thing.
Am I the one who’s misconstrued? I really don’t get it.
Being called “pro-harassment” or “pro-censorship” is hurtful and confusing as all hell.
I don’t harass people for what they create. I don’t care to do that. I block and move on, and warn people if I know they could be upset by the content.
But I also don’t understand how certain things are justified.
I am personally not bothered by much, but I have watched friends and acquaintances go through visceral traumatic reactions because people have decided to air out their coping by sharing it with the public. (I.E, people who write romantic incestual fics, etc)
I don’t give a shit what people write. I really don’t. But it feels harmful to use the excuse of coping when you, in turn, could be hurting dozens of others.
Like I said, I genuinely am not trying to be hateful here. I’m confused, and still distraught that all of this is happening. I don’t think anyone deserves to be harassed. I just also don’t get the logic here.
Pro-shipping never once meant problematic shipping. It meant opposite of "anti" because antis would come and invade the tags and asks, calling them all kinds of names if they found their ships distasteful.
Sorry that being indirectly accused of supporting harassment hurt your feelings. Imagine how I felt, being DIRECTLY accused of supporting rape in real life because of my taste in fiction. You are throwing in your lot with people who can't distinguish fantasy and reality.
I don't like incest fics either, anon. They are triggering for me. So you know what I do? I don't read fics tagged as incest. For that reason, I have never been triggered by an incest fic. I suppose I would be if I read an incest fic that wasn't tagged as much, but you will never find a single pro-shipper who defends posting such content without a tag. You are responsible for your own experience online; it is your job to curate the content.
If it was just seeing that the fic exists that triggered the response, then I'm sorry to say they're still in the wrong. As a survivor, learning that triggers exist and how to navigate those triggers is on you. We are responsible for how we deal with our trauma. Your friends didn't deserve their traumas, and they deserve kindness and support, but requesting that people never be allowed to write distasteful fiction so that they don't have to be upset by the idea that someone somewhere shipped incest is not reasonable. Their feelings are valid; it's totally reasonable to be triggered, to strictly curate your online experience. It's reasonable to block everyone who ships the upsetting incest ships, to put an "incest shippers DNI" on your page, all of it. It's not reasonable to call them supporters of IRL incest or to accuse them of causing your trauma. It isn't hard at all on AO3 or Tumblr; they even give you the option to blacklist/filter out certain tags so you can avoid it without blocking users. There's easily half a dozen safeguards that already exist that are a lot less radical, a lot less likely to be weaponized against queer users, and a lot easier to enforce than trying to remove them.
Me writing fics, such as a character using kink to cope, can only harm a user who doesn't curate their feed (and who reads fics they know will trigger them, which I can only assume would then be a purposeful form of self-harm). Denying other survivors their coping mechanism, though, IS a direct form of harm. Stigmatizing recovery by saying that survivors are in any way akin to abusers for creating fiction is a direct form of harm.
It sounds to me like you've absorbed some very harmful and very narrow ideas of what recovery should and should not look like, and what is and isn't a good/valid survivor. You might want to reflect on why you're turning your attention to policing what survivors do to cope so much.
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akenya · 1 year
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Rizzoli and Isles is actually a show about a Queerplatonic Relationship.
Okay hear me out.
So, I always have shipped Rizzles. There are many MANY ways in which these are queer coded characters with a heavy romantic subtext, that a lot of the time honestly bleeds into the maintext. A lot of the actions and dialogue that we would typically interpret as romantic, especially between a hetero pairing, certainly works for this show. 
But I did a re-watch of the show recently, and while I still ship them romantically, I actually think what is being portrayed between them is something else. They are DEFINITELY more than friends; I mean they are life partners in every sense of the word. But the kind of dynamic that is CANONICALLY portrayed between Maura and Jane, is in fact, a Queerplatonic Relationship.
So here’s a working definition of the term for those who aren’t familiar with it: 
Queerplatonic relationships and queerplatonic partnerships are committed intimate relationships which are not romantic in nature. They may differ from usual close friendships by having more explicit commitment, validation, status, structure, and norms, similar to a conventional romantic relationship
I have actually experienced something like this, (and yes I’m going to get a bit anecdotally personal here; I’ll try not to be too long winded, but it’s relevant, I promise lol): 
I had an (unspoken) kind of relationship like this with my best friend in my early/mid 20s. We have been best friends since I was 11, but something definitely shifted when we became adults, and I have to say, I ended up, quite unexpectedly, being deeply in love with my best friend...platonically. I didn’t want to date her. I didn’t want to sleep with her. But, I was totally devoted to her and we were each other’s person for years. We were each other’s assumed plus one for everything, we regularly did dinner dates, we gave each other super sentimental cards and specialized gifts on birthdays, we also regularly did domestic shit together like grocery shopping, errands, chores, house projects; you name it, we had it/did it. I mean we were even each other’s phone background for a while lmao. We never lived together, but we had keys to each other’s places. 
Now a lot of this shit can happen and does happen in standard friendships (maybe not the phone background thing; that was super gay ngl hahaha), but the thing that made this different was the level of assumed partnership going on between us. And the...energy. We would stare deeply into each other’s eyes. We had that magnetic kind of magic with each other, like no matter where the other is in the room, we find our way back to each other. And people literally perceived us as a couple. Hell, my other friends teased us about it. 
Any of this sound familiar?
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Oh and I DO find her to be attractive and even sexy. And we flirted (still do lolol) a LOT. 
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But I didn’t ever really.....actually want to have sex with her. Not that I would’ve even necessarily been opposed to it, because we were so close, but it just, wasn’t ever a desire for me.
This was interesting to experience, because I do identify as a lesbian, I have been romantically attracted to people, sexually attracted to people, and the two, as society expects, do usually go hand in hand for me. But with her, I honestly could’ve seen forever; like being exactly as we were, as life partners, I could’ve even seen myself raising kids with her, and I would have been TOTALLY, GENUINELY content with it, ‘cause my relationship with her filled me up in a way nothing else has. This was confusing as all hell to me for a long time, because I didn’t have a name for this until recently when I learned about the concept of Queerplatonic Relationships which again supersede friendship and often are life partnerships, but aren’t inherently romantic or sexual, even though they are quite deep. I actually think QPRs speak to that “limitless” “otherwise undefinable” kind of relationship dynamic. 
Sooo - and I promise I’m wrapping my story up - when my bff met her current boyfriend, which is her first super serious adult relationship, I didn’t quite experience jealousy, I mean I always envisioned a romantic partnership for her, and I still want that for me! Buuuut...my feelings were complicated because it’s like...I had to mourn what I lost, as our dynamic inherently changed, and the fact that I wasn’t her person anymore. Weird thing to process indeed. Also *ahem* SOUND FAMILIAR?
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Without getting too carried away here (oh who am I kidding, I already have 😂) for comparison’s sake, I actually went through a crazy ass heartbreak with someone, also while I was in my mid 20s; someone to whom I WAS romantically, sexually, spiritually, connected and attracted. I mean I was IN LOVE with this woman and she broke my heart by not fully reciprocating my feelings and not wanting to be with me. I thought I was gonna die when we stopped talking. Hell, it’s been years and I still think about her. 
But if you were to ask me who the true love. of. my. life. has been so far...I’d pick my best friend! 
The funny thing is I think a LOT of women end up in these kinds of dynamics, ESPECIALLY queer women, maybe even more so queer women who form super close relationships to “straight” women (gotta put str8 in quotes ‘cause...this shit is inherently queer even though it’s not romantic/sexual). You all know what I’m talking about; You’d do anything for each other, there’s chemistry, connection, and care, yet it doesn’t quite fit into any box you try to give it. People read you as a couple. You know this about yourselves, and you just...accept it. Because what you have is actually beyond any label. You know?
Anyway, I think there’s actually something cool and radical about this and I know that queer people want and deserve romantic and sexual representation, but I think this IS an accurate kind of representation that happens all the time that isn’t appropriately covered or discussed in media.
In hindsight, I think that’s what really hooked me on R&I. I mean, I started watching ‘cause I thought they were lesbians, and I kept watching ‘cause I thought it would be canon! And yeah, I still think about what could’ve been with them: fanfiction is good for that. But why do I still watch the actual show? Well...I LIVED it. 
Now: do I think that Maura and Jane often tip the scales a lil’ TOOOOO far in the explicitly gay direction on this show? Oh hell yes! Do I think you can interpret them as two people who are madly in love, romantically, with each other, yet are too scared to do anything about it? Oh hell yes! Like I said I do ship Rizzles. BUT, if I’m honest about what is FULLY, CANONICALLY being portrayed, no subtext, ALL maintext: It’s 10000% a QPR. 
So no: Maura Isles and Jane Rizzoli are certainly not JUST friends. They aren’t just colleagues, although their work relationship is just as powerful and awe inspiring as their personal one. They aren’t really like sisters, although they can quarrel like siblings at times. They aren’t truly romantic, although they are essentially life partners. They aren’t in a sexual relationship with each other; not that it couldn’t go there, but I also see how it wouldn’t need to go there, and how that doesn’t diminish the bond at all. They have something that I recognize -and something I think perhaps many of us recognize too- something beyond definition, because at the core of it they are true-blue soulmates who share a kind of unconditional love that is rarely found in ANY kind of relationship. If there is a definition that comes close to summing this kind of thing up: Queerplatonic Relationship is the answer!
Idk just felt like sharing this. Thanks for reading 🤓
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tirsynni · 7 months
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If we're asking about BotW/TotK ships, any thoughts on Revalink? Asking mostly just because it has been living in my head rent-free for months and I constantly desire more people to talk about it.
Anonymous asked:
Sorry for asking about your opinion on Revalink without even checking to see that you had already written Revalink fics, feel free to ignore previous ask
Oh, honey. I am always happy to talk about Revalink. They are absolutely my BotW/TotK OTP. I also adore Revali and I hungrily devoured even the slightest mention of him in TotK and have multiple WIPs scribbled on my laptop finding out ways to have him actually in TotK.
(Do I still feel a little cheated? Maybe. I wasn't expecting much, but ow, TotK.)
This ship has an insane amount of potential, especially since we have so few of Link's memories available in BotW. Maybe it was always just brutal tension between two fucked up young Champions with far too much weight on their shoulders (with most of it being self-imposed!). Maybe they quietly figured out something, just for Link to forget or maybe he didn't even forget but it didn't matter because the Link of then and the Link of now are so different. Ack! So much potential!
...but anyway.
Pre-Calamity, these two had so much weight dragging them down and not a single positive communication skill in sight. Link was buried under the title of Champion and Hero to the point he could barely see the sky anymore. Revali pushed and pushed and pushed himself to the point of collapse. He was absolutely driven and stubborn and passionate and snarky and desperate for validation. Link was silently begging for everyone to not look at him and Revali was silently begging for someone to fucking see him.
Specifically, he wanted Link to see him.
That's what absolutely kills me about that pairing. We don't know what Link saw or thought. We got everyone's journal but his. Hell, even his memories seemed like they were from an outsider's perspective (especially the last one). But we got Revali's journal and we got to hear Revali speak (and snark and yell) and so it baffles me when people paint him as an asshole who hated Link.
Doubtlessly, Revali would have pushed himself forever without external validation, but it didn't change the fact that he was thirsty for it. Where do we see it most? In his interactions with Link. In his journal talking about Link. It was a constant chant of "See me, see me." Link was strong and skilled and we saw in his limited memories that he pushed himself, too. While Zelda quietly mused in a safe, dry spot, Link stood in the rain and continued to practice with his sword. He threw himself at hordes of monsters and Zelda scolded him for being reckless. For their own reasons, Revali and Link actively pushed themselves arguably long after almost anyone else would have stopped, and I think Revali saw that in Link -- saw a possible peer who valued hard work and sweat and determination -- and desperately wanted Link to see him, too.
When they reunited one hundred years later, for all of Revali's snark about Link making him wait, nothing can convince me that Revali wasn't happy to see him again. We won't know what happened in those final days before the Calamity or what Revali knew about Link during those hundred years, but the fact that Revali specifically told Link to avenge him will forever be telling to me. Revali -- fiercely independent, determined Revali -- recognized that he couldn't avenge his own death. He also didn't expect the fight to be impersonal for Link, for it to be another thing for Link to check off in his quest. He didn't want Link to kill the Blight on his behalf: he wanted Link to do what he couldn't, he wanted Link to treat the fight as something personal, he wanted Link to fight in Revali's name. He wanted Link to avenge him.
(And in return, he gave Link wings and personally lifted him into the sky. <3 With an adorable little flourish.)
I also love the dialogue choices during the fight, and they are part of my argument for why Revali isn't hateful: he's snappy and snarky and is absolutely the guy who shows he cares about by calling his love interest an idiot for failing to appropriately care for himself. He spends that entire fight scolding Link and cheering Link on and snarking at Link and fretting over Link, depending on how the fight goes. He gets so worried for Link. Not because Revali won't be avenged but because Link is hurt and he checks to see if he is okay. ;_;
On Link's half? If Revali is the bird who is desperate to fly as high as he can, Link is absolutely the trapped, muzzled songbird. There's one scene where the king is scolding Zelda and Link is kneeling beside Zelda, absolutely forgotten by both of them. He's pretty much part of the scenery in that memory. His head is bowed. His face is expressionless. He's disregarded butterly as the king berates Zelda and Zelda focuses on vainly defending herself. That exemplifies so much of his backstory: he's the silent Knight. He's the Wielder of Evil's Bane. He's the guy who effortlessly claimed his destiny by pulling the Master Sword while Zelda struggled fruitlessly to call upon her sacred powers. I would argue (and this isn't a slight against Zelda, who is clearly a traumatized, overburdened, and royal teenager in all of these memories) that when Zelda finally sees Link as an actual person and not just another symbol of her failure, she still struggles to see him as a true individual and not another way for her to deal with and understand her own problems. For most of the characters in those memories, Link is characterized by his role and his duty, not as an actual overburdened teenager himself.
Except Revali, who never shows any indication that he gives a damn about titles and destiny and all of that bullshit, sees Link and wants Link to see him. Revali wants a response. Revali wants Link.
I've also written briefly about this before, but in regards to symbolism, Revali is also the closest in-game parallel to things normally associated with the Heroes of Courage. Courage is Farore green, courage is Farore's Wind. In Skyward Sword, Link rides upon his loftwing, a sacred creature which connects the Hylians to the Goddess. In Wind Waker, well, do I need to say it? The other Champions fit well with Din/Power (Urbosa and Daruk) and Nayru/Wisdom (Zelda and Mipha). Revali? Fits great with Farore/Courage. Revali, who pushes Link and gets so pissed (and hurt) when Link doesn't push back. Revali, who tells Link to watch him as he flies and grows so upset when Link doesn't react to that magical moment at all.
To leave the Great Plateau and begin his journey, Link needs to take a leap of faith and glide through the sky. Link needs the wind. Link needs to fly.
I could keep going for a while, but I think I should stop. lol I've written plenty of meta about these two before, though, so feel free to check out my Revalink tag. Always feel free to ask about these two (and fandom and such in general). I love rambling about them and people IRL tend to look at me like I'm crazy when I begin talking about this stuff. :D
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toxicpineapple · 7 months
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the big amamota essay
the age old question. why do i ship kaito momota and rantaro amami from new danganronpa v3: killing harmony. two characters who have one mildly hostile onscreen interaction in chapter one, a few interactions via the anthology, and now a shorter than short dr:s scene. is this deranged? maybe. but i've been in the fandom for a long time and as such i've had a while to do a lot of thinking, and kaito and rantaro are my favourite characters of all TIME, which basically means i live in their heads. i am them. they are me. they exist in my heart and brain. even when i eventually leave danganronpa behind, i will be taking them with me.
there are a lot of reasons and we're gonna get into the messy details down below, but for the ones looking for a true thesis style TLDR: i think they could act as a mirror for one another's weaknesses. i think they have opposing strengths that could complement each other. i think they would just straight up get along. i think they embody so many of the traits that the other admires most in people. they could take care of each other SO well. they're both asexual. and most importantly, i think they are both two people who have suffered so much and grew up so fast and together maybe they could have a little bit of fun.
(you know you're in deep when the tldr is too wordy. essay below!)
so one thing you probably don't know about rantaro unless you've done his free time events is that the motherfucker is evasive as hell -- but not to a fault. i'll explain.
first, here are some screenshots from rantaro's free time events with shuichi.
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these screenshots are from rantaro's first and second free time events respectively. as early as his first hangout with shuichi, rantaro drops a mention of his biggest trauma, but quickly pulls back when questioned. then he continues to dodge talking about it, even when shuichi tries to inquire further. rantaro is secretive. he has a pretty good reason for this -- twelve missing sisters is a doozy -- but he does eventually open up to shuichi. later on he admits that the reason he dodged talking about it in the first place was because he was terrified that shuichi would judge him or tell him to give up on his search. rantaro is an incredibly dedicated person, so being told that he needs to quit the one thing he feels personally responsible for doing... yeowch. but it's obvious especially from the bonus modes where rantaro does NOT share information about himself that these free time events with shuichi are a rare occurrence. rantaro doesn't often share those kinds of personal details about himself.
which brings us to kaito. the biggest and best example i can point to, other than kaito's repeated attempts at hiding weakness throughout the game (from his ghost fear to his injury to going so far as to try and confront ouma himself rather than wait for the class to save him) is his harmonious heart event.
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kaito clearly also struggles with lowering his guard around people. he does NOT want to accept help, especially from his sidekicks, but that's beyond the point of this essay lol. the point is kaito has a repression complex, but there IS a part of him that wants to be heard. he responds most positively to shuichi telling him that he can be weak.
which brings me to my first point as to why these two work so well for each other. we can see here that kaito and rantaro are both incredibly resistant to accepting help from people for their own reasons. rantaro has been doubted his whole life, dealing with a deep inner shame and fear of judgement for his mistakes. kaito doesn't want to be viewed as less-than or weak, but a part of him does want support and validation... do you see where i'm going with this?
kaito is the luminary of the stars! he's THE believe in you guy. if rantaro even started to hint about being a useless older brother, much like shuichi in the ftes kaito would not leave him alone. he'd persist until rantaro opened up, and when rantaro eventually does open up, he'd encourage him. he'd reaffirm that rantaro is doing the right thing, that he CAN do it, that it's possible and that kaito believes he will do it. it's the kind of support and validation rantaro hasn't received from anyone, even people who are well meaning, in such a long time. getting it from kaito would impact him deeply.
now on kaito's end, rantaro is very very observant. in his first fte with kaede he lists off really shrewd observations about miu, kiibo, and korekiyo showing he's good at seeing people are more than meets the eye. which leads me to believe seeing kaito he'd understand that while kaito does genuinely have passion for being a hero, he also has difficulties showing his weaknesses to others. rantaro is very tactful. i believe he would be very patient with kaito and let him open up on his own time, but seek him out. while he's scared of ghosts, while he's sick, you name it. he wouldn't have to say much. just that even heroes have their weaknesses. and i think that eventually, kaito would listen to.
the other part of this is that these two both have incredibly high eqs, so they WOULD be able to see that the other is struggling. they WOULD see that intense fear of vulnerability, of expressing themselves... and they'd recognise it in themselves, especially through witnessing or even dodging the others' attempts at helping them. rantaro is smart, he would call out kaito's attempts at helping him without accepting anything for himself, and kaito would NEVER accept a hand from someone who he couldn't support in turn. and as they get closer they'd start to think... maybe a little bit is okay. maybe if it's for his sake, it's okay. if i can help him, then i'll let him help me.
kaito and rantaro also have complementary strengths! kaito is inuitive, outgoing, vocally encouraging. rantaro is shrewd, observant, and a good listener. kaito is highly trusting to rantaro's distrust. rantaro is measured and careful to kaito's recklessness. kaito has temper issues, rantaro is extremely calm and rational. rantaro struggles to take up space, kaito will boldly make himself the centre of attention. kaito runs hot and rantaro runs cool. kaito conquers the stars and rantaro conquers the earth. kaito is the home that rantaro comes back to after every failed search for his sisters, and rantaro in turn is the home kaito wants to return to when he's out in space. they complete each other. they both have high eq but in different ways, with rantaro skilled at reasoning out why people are the way they are and kaito good at knowing where someone's heart lies. you'll notice this is also the thing they're missing. in canon rantaro never knows who to trust or how people will react to him. kaito struggles to understand ouma because he has no idea why he is the way they is. they can help each other to grow and cover each other's blind spots.
my next point is that they really would just get along! rantaro is incredibly tactful, never the type to be insulting or rude. you can see it in the way they interact in dr:s, when kaito is saying downright ridiculous stuff about looking for rantaro's sisters in space rantaro just thanks him for the help. he wouldn't call him stupid or belittle him or target his insecurities. and on the flip side i think kaito has so much energy and positivity, rantaro would really enjoy that. rantaro is so exhausted and beaten down by the world, meanwhile kaito looks at it with starry eyes. but it's worth noting that rantaro ISN'T a staunch pessimist. he DOES believe impossible things can happen, or he wouldn't be on his search. they would mesh in that way.
beyond meshing, i also think that the two of them really do mirror each others' admired qualities. we see this in the artbook, where rantaro comments that he likes space and kaito says something along the lines of "we should fight!" i think saying that he wants rantaro to join him in fighting the monokumas lol. kaito can tell at a glance that rantaro is formidable and could potentially hold his own in a fight, hence inviting him into the squad. furthermore, just take a look at rantaro's backstory. the dude is an adventurer. he travels the world by boat and survives close calls with spies and assassins -- KAITO WOULD THINK HE IS AWESOME.
rantaro also i think really would admire kaito's passion and expertise when it comes to space. he's a hard dedicated worker and rantaro would be able to tell, as well as recognise his talent in his field. i think he'd really admire that and want to learn more, especially enjoying space himself.
it's also worth noting that we see in kaito's love hotel that his romantic ideal is someone who can challenge him. someone who he admires who will be neck and neck with him... and who better than a seasoned adventurer who hasn't quite lost his spark yet?
as well as admiring each other, i also think kaito and rantaro would just be really really good at taking care of one another. kaito is such a high eq person and a good listener, highly attentive to the specific ways to reach out and comfort people, always there to lend a listening ear when someone's upset. he's really good with his words, and would be really good at offering rantaro pep talks when he's weighed down by his search. kaito is also very physically affectionate as his main love language with his friends, and i think that would really be good for rantaro who is so lonely and withdrawn.
rantaro as well is excellent with his words, perceptive, and caring. we see from his love hotel event that all he wants is somebody he can protect in some capacity. he'd want to take care of kaito and help him more than anything. in utdp we see him bringing back thoughtful souvenirs and making sure to show up for every major school event even with all his travels. he's attentive to other people's needs and what is important to them! he'd love to listen to kaito's space rambles and bring him gifts from all over the world as he continues on his journey.
kaito having someone who will listen to him is SO important to, because so many of his classmates and even his closest friends oftentimes brush him off or call him ridiculous for the things he says. i think rantaro would genuinely enjoy just hearing what he has to say. they pay attention to one another and enjoy spending quality time together. and i think kaito would absolutely insist on helping rantaro find his sisters, too, to the best of his abilities. travel montage :]
this is a quick note lmao but i think that kaito and rantaro of everyone have really strong asexual coding. i made a whole post about rantaro once but the long and the short is rantaro's aversion to sex in the salmon mode as well as his love hotel being nonsexual give me vibes, and then kaito's response to maki's confession as well as the utdp scene where he talks about peeping with leon and hifumi but ends up just talking about adventure the whole time... they're ace4ace. they are so comfortable in their own bodies together.
finally, i really do think these two could just have so much fun. kaito is so competitive! he'd challenge rantaro to all sorts of games and physical tests, bring him along to training, bring him out to enjoy the stars and go for outings. rantaro on the flip side will whisk kaito away to all kinds of foreign destinations and fancy restaurants. they can talk together in other languages and tour america, they can play fight, they can laugh together... i would like rantaro to read aloud to kaito and scratch his hair, or for kaito to carry rantaro on his back and jump into a lake...
it's the little things like that, you know? they just both grew up so quickly. we see how kaito ages in the killing game alone burdened by an illness and all the people who need him. we know he feels that way even outside of a killing game setting. and rantaro has this quest to find his sisters and NOBODY around to support him. when they find each other they can take the weight off each other's shoulders and really just... play. have a good time.
i know i'm insane. i know that there are people who ship these two because they're two attractive hunks or because one of them can take care of the other or whatever but for me it has always been about give and take with these two. mutual exchange. mutual vulnerability. mutual growth. they don't just add to each other, they learn from each other. they don't FIX each other, they CHOOSE to heal because when they get close together, they finally have a reason to. they finally have someone to heal for. they finally have a home again.
thank you. stan amamota for clear skin.
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comechaseme · 1 year
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,, 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐁𝐂𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐀𝐈 𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇.
. A. Affection , { How affectionate are they? How do they show affection? }
— kai is definitely an affectionate person. he shows his affection and love by giving gifts and physical touch. he truly loves seeing your face when you receive something that you care about, or your reaction when he suddenly hugs you. i firmly believe that it won’t take kai long to be comfortable around you but he’ll be cautious until he fully trusts you.
. B. Best Friend , { What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start? }
— definitely a power duo. it is a world known fact that kai is a great friend. he might be cocky and egotistical at times, but he truly cares for those he truly loves. i believe that him and your’s friendship would have started back when you were in high school but then you fell off but met later in life and discovered and rekindled the hidden feelings from your youth.
. C. Cuddles , { Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle? }
— kai adores to cuddle, and he’s not shy to admit it to. he’s extremely clingy and he would take every opportunity that comes along to glue himself to you. kai really just wants skin-ship, he doesn’t necessarily care how the cuddles are, the comfort and feeling of another person next to him is more than enough.
. D. Domestic , { Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning? }
— as we all know, kai had to be an adult from a young age, so, he’s quiet independent. he would have to be madly in love with his partner to let them share his personal space. he only ever lived with his sister and team. it’ll be hard to be with another person, but he’s determined to make it work. kai knows how to cook, but mostly the basics. he’s great at cleaning, though. he’s easily imagined to be messy, and he can be, but when he decides to clean his mess, whatever place he cleaned would he glistening.
. E. Ending , { If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? }
— it depends on the reasoning for the breakup. if it was from a valid reason, he’d be calm, collected and try his hardest to keep his composure and most importantly his anger. on the other hand, if it was a horrible reason where he was the one to be betrayed, he’d let his anger control him and he’d be a slightly mean. when kai was younger, he went through a lot of failed relationships where the reason for breakups where from both parties, so he decided to be the best he can be when it comes to romantic feelings as a young adult, so it would hurt like hell if he would to breakup or get get broken up with because he truly tried to be good.
. F. Fiancé , { How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married? }
— i’m a firm believer that kai hates the idea of marriage. he’s not sure why, but he would rather be a boyfriend rather than a husband, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his partner. he simply thinks that marriage is a way of putting legal terms on someone’s relationship and he’d rather be a beloved uncle than a father, but he’s young, his mindset might change throughout the years. he would show his commitment by having matching necklaces, or by giving you a necklace with his initial on it.
“ i want to wear his initial on a chain around my neck, chain around my neck, not because he owns me, but because he really knows me, which is more than they can say.” — call it what you want - taylor swift.
. G. Gentle , { How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally }
— when it comes to physically, kai is the most gentle soul ever. he truly would go to hell and back to make sure you are comforted and happy. on the contrary, kai isn’t the best with his words. sometimes his words come out harsher than he intends or egotistical and non caring, he’s working on that, but he relies on his physical love for you to make sure you know he adores you.
. H. Hugs , { Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like? }
— kai adores hugs and he frequently asks for them. he’s the type of person that would randomly stop whatever he was doing and interrupt your duties to ask for a hug. out of all the physical love ways to show love, his favourite thing ever is to hug you. kai enjoys long, silent and comfortable hugs more than short and quick ones. kai’s hugs are comfortable, especially in winter since his element raises his body temperature. whenever his partner is cold, they tend to wrap their arms around kai and he happily accepts and enjoys the long lasting hug.
. I. I Love You , { How fast do they say the L-word? }
— kai would definitely try to wait for the right moment but end up saying it during a panicked moment. he truly didn’t mean to say it during a near-death experience, but his words slipped before his mind processed. after the fact, when everyone is safe, kai would try to bring it up, but before he can, you would instantly say "i love you too, kai." and walk away like it was nothing.
. J. Jealousy , { How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous? }
— now this is a decisive subject to decide, kai isn’t overly jealous, but he’s anxious. if he’s with someone, he truly trusts them with his life that he doesn’t worry, but he can’t help but feel jealous at times. when kai is jealous, he tends to take time to to calm himself down before simply walking towards you and saying it’s time to go, he would glare at the person as he walked away, but he will try his hardest not to cause a scene.
. K. Kisses , { What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed? }
— he loves teasing. he would go out of his way to back away the moment your lips are about to touch. whenever you try to connect your lips with his he would stop you by lightly touching your lips with his thumbs before giving in. kai is simple (sometimes), so he adores to kiss you on the lips, wether it would be a small peck or long and intimate kisses, kai enjoys everything, really. for him, he likes simple temple kisses. he grew up having to take care of his sister, so when you simply kiss him on his temple or head, he feels like he finally can give in and be the one to receive the care instead of giving it.
. L. Little Ones , { How are they around children? }
— he’s great with kids. he knows how to take care of a kid and their needs. he’s neutral about them, doesn’t hate them and doesn’t like them all that much, but if he was put in the situation where he had to take care of a kid, he won’t be oblivious but rather knowledgeable.
. M. Mornings , { How are mornings spent with them? }
— kai can be a morning person or a night person, it really depends on what’s happening in his life. he can be overly productive in the mornings, or laying in bed and contemplating getting up and starting his day. his sleep schedule is practically nonexistent so if yours isn’t, don’t bother trying to fix it, he gave up on that long ago, but if you’re also no constant with your sleeping routine, then be ready for random activities at two in the morning and seven AM.
. N. Nights , { How are nights spent with them? }
— like said before, his sleep cycle is messy. most nights, he’s out doing ninja duties and sleeps early in the morning, other nights, he’s blacked out in bed and it’s impossible to wake him up. he’s awake most nights though, he has to be extremely exhausted to sleep at night. he says he functions better at night, which you can confirm is true.
. O. Open , { When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly? }
— kai acts like he’s an open book, but he’s the most secretive soul ever. he would start to reveal things about himself gradually in your relationship, also, he wouldn’t really speak about his past unless you ask. he definitely tries to say everything at once but ends up a sobbing mess before he could finish his words. he tries his hardest not to be cryptic around you, but it’s a force of habit. he’s not, but you have to be patient.
P. Patience , { How easily angered are they? }
— we all know that kai has zero patience whatsoever. he needs everything done and done quickly. people call him aggravating and immature for that trait, but in reality he’s just anxious. he worries that if things are not done rapidly, the they never will be done. he’s trying to be more patient and you’re helping, but he can’t help but feel the need to fasten the pace of everything.
. Q. Quizzes , { How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? }
— when it comes to memory, kai can remember most things. if you mention something in passing, he’ll remember a little bit but not the finer details. he most certainly doesn’t forget everything, he remembers finer details about you but the little things that you say without mentioning their importance, he tends to forget.
. R. Remember , { What is their favorite moment in your relationship? }
— probably the first time you broke down his walls. you two were standing on the railing of the bounty in comfortable silence. this was after you two established your feelings for each other but decided to take the dating step after your current mission. you were simply speaking and kai felt a sudden urge to spill out every single detail about his life. hearing you speak brought him peace. he didn’t let you know how much he realised he can be soft around you, but you knew, and he knew that you knew, you both simply choose to stay in blissful ignorance.
. S. Security , { How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected? }
— oh, he’s the most protective motherfucker you’ll ever meet, but he most definitely knows how capable you are of protecting yourself and that you don’t necessarily need his protection, but he always let’s you know that he’ll be ready to jump into action whenever you need. just like you, he doesn’t need protection that much, but moments happen when he does and he feels enormous joy when it’s you that protected him. both your guys’s protection is portrayed by the usual mention of being for the other whenever they need.
. T. Try , { How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? }
— kai is putting his blood, sweat and tears into his and yours relationship. he adores overly fancy dated just to have an excuse to look overly put-together. like mentioned before, his love language is giving gifts, kai knows how much you truly don’t care about the value of a gift, but during anniversaries he makes sure to get you something of value. everyday gifts consist of simple things like getting you coffee or simply handing you the charger. to put it short, he just enjoys doing things for you.
. U. Ugly , { What would be some bad habits of theirs? }
— definitely his short temper. he doesn’t get angry at you but sometimes harsh words slip out of his mouth unconsciously. since you knew him long before you started dating, you know how to differentiate when he means his words and when he simply let his unsolved anger issues take control.
. V. Vanity , { How concerned are they with their looks? }
— this is kai, he’s always concerned for his looks. he needs to be looking good whenever he goes. originally, he did it for the pure confident he felt, but now, he goes out of his way to look good just to hear you compliment him. once, he was walking around the monastery with his hair un-gelled. his light brown hair fell on his face and moved gracefully in the wind, "you look pretty with your hair down." and ever since then, kai has slowly started to dial down his hair gel usage.
. W. Whole , { Would they feel incomplete without you? }
— yes and no. no in a sense that he’s been independent his whole life and is serene with the fact of being alone. yes in the sense that when kai falls in love, he falls head first and is unable to get up, so he might be able to distract himself from the fact that you’re not around but once he’s alone with his thoughts, he’ll feel off. that’s why when you’re not around, kai is always busy.
. X. eXtra , { A random headcanon for them. }
— kai likes overly hot foods. hot cheetos, spicy noodles, etc. if you happen to also like spicy foods, then be ready for random trips to convenience stores at three in the morning to eat spicy noodles. if you don’t like spicy food, then just simply to weary of the fact that his room would be filled with hot cheetos packs.
. Y. Yuck , { What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? }
— in general, kai despises sweets and sugary foods and drinks. he’ll occasionally eat them if it’s a cake in a birthday party or a gift, but he’ll never go out of his way to get sugary stuff for himself. in a partner, kai would dislike someone who wouldn’t be patient with him. he needs someone who would be able to take in his ugly, not only his good aspects. he needs someone who would be able to be on his level of caring, or else it just wouldn’t work.
. Z. Zzz , { What is a sleep habits of theirs? }
— kai needs a blanket. even if it’s in summer and his body heat is already up, he desperately needs to be covered in a blanket to go to bed. another thing, is that he needs to have water next to him because he randomly wakes up and he needs to drink water to be able to sleep again.
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multifandomfanficss · 8 months
Text
Home Is Wherever You Are P1
Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader
With a very heavy emphasis on platonic!Christopher Smith/Peacemaker
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Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
Adrian Chase Masterlist
Prompt: You jump in front of an explosive device to protect Adrian from the blast and end up getting separated from him with no way back.
Warnings: mentions of trafficking, mentions of child abuse, panic, meltdown, crying, divorce, mentions of August Smith, cannon typical Peacemaker violence and language
A/N: In July I started cooking up a new idea with the help of my friend @countlambula and what was originally meant to be a 2 parter moved to a 4 parter and somehow I ended with 7 parts?! Not quite sure how that happened! I’m very excited to share what I spent a huge part of my summer working on. I hope you guys enjoy!! Also despite the main ship being Adrian x Reader there is A LOT of platonic!Chris content in this fic so I really do hope Chris fans can read and enjoy this! I loved getting into the thick of Chris’ backstory for this! All of the 11th Street Kids have their own importance in this series, but it is very Adrian and Chris centric. Please enjoy!!
“I love you.” You sighed in relaxation, smiling as you were gently woken up by your boyfriend.
“Well somebody has to.” Adrian joked.
“Shut up!” You lightly hit him on the chest, laughing.
“Never.” He smiles, kissing you. You could look at his beautiful, infectious smile for hours. Your phones both buzz at the same time, an indication that it’s probably a text in the 11th Street Kids chat because you both got it.
“Didn’t we just get home from a mission?” You groan.
“There’s no time to rest for super badass super cool heroes, babe.” Adrian kisses you on the cheek quickly before getting out of bed.
“Okay, but if we have to pair up there is no way in hell I’m going with Chris again. Last time he told me I looked like his sexy babysitter growing up. Like who the fuck says that? Our lives aren’t some shitty porno and it’s almost like he doesn’t even give a fuck that we’re dating.” You sigh.
“Yeah he constantly tells me that you’re way out of my league. I think his exact words were I’m in little league and you’re on major leagues, but I don’t know. I was never on the bowling team.”
“I think he meant baseball, honey.” You smile at him, finding his little knowledge of sports cute.
“That might actually make more sense with his home run and base metaphors! It took me way too long to figure out what that shit meant. Why can’t people just say what they mean?” He questions.
“Because they’re trying too hard to sound smart. I think sometimes not saying things they actually mean, but understanding that’s not exactly what they meant makes them feel smarter. They don’t know lots of facts like you do and they definitely can’t come up with intricate strategies either.” You smile at him, taking his hand in yours. You watch his smile grow, but there’s something more behind his eyes. He seems moved.
“How do you always do that?” He asks.
“What?”
“How do you always make me feel so smart and validated?” He clarifies.
“Because you are smart. You’re a hell of a lot smarter than Chris and if anyone gave you a second and actually listened to you, they’d realize that. You helped save the world last year. There’s no way they could have done that without you. If it weren’t for you, Chris’ dad probably would have killed him that day, honestly.” As you speak Adrian starts to realize.
“I tried to tell Peacemaker about the gaps in the armor, but he didn’t listen.” He reminds you.
“Well that’s because he’s too deep in his own bullshit to see past it. He should have listened to you, but this isn’t just about him being stubborn. I don’t think most people would have noticed such a small detail like that. Give yourself some credit.” You kiss him again.
“You know you’re like everything to me right? I’ve never felt this way about a person before. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had feelings for other people, but like…it’s like I just never fit in as a kid. I just kinda felt like an alien who crash landed here as a baby and I know I’m not, but I just didn’t feel human. You make me feel human.” He’s giving you that look he gives people when he’s worried he’s said something a little too out of pocket or strange.
“I get what you mean. It’s almost like we were made for each other. We’re each other’s rocks…wait does that sound too cheesy?” You look at him, blushing.
“No! I love rocks! I had a rock collection when I was a little kid!” You giggle at how cute he is.
“Me too! My mom would find rocks in the machine every time she did laundry because I would stuff my pockets!” You tell him and you both laugh. Then your phones go off again, interrupting your good morning. You sigh. “Harcourt’s gonna kill us if we’re late.” You kiss him one more time before getting out of bed and heading to the shower.
“Let her kill us.” He laughs, smirking, following you to the shower.
Several hours later you found yourself sneaking through a warehouse. You didn’t quite know what to expect, you just knew a lot of people had gone missing at the hands of this guy. You figured maybe they were being killed off or trafficked. If you knew what you know now maybe you would have done things differently. Maybe you wouldn’t have even done them at all. You wished you were at home with Adrian. Adrian. You may never see him again…
You were running after the guy when he pulled a grenade on you. Adrian had survived a grenade once, but you didn’t think he would survive again. You on the other hand were testing out new armor from ARGUS that could probably withstand the blast, so you did what anyone would do for the person they love the most. You pushed him out of the way. Your ears were ringing and everything was so bright. You think you hear Adrian and maybe some of your other teammates screaming your name, but you’re not sure. Suddenly you’re on the ground, but the ground is different… you try to open your eyes, but they’re still strained from the bright light and now you feel lightheaded and nauseous. You black out.
You wake up to arms shaking you.
“Adrian?” You question in a whiney tone. You open your eyes to find a construction worker looking over you.
“I don’t know who that is. What even happened to you?“ You blinked a couple times, moving around slowly, getting your bearings. “You’re in my construction site for the new factory warehouse that’s going up. What happened? Did you slip down the dirt mound and hit your head?”
“I- I must have…” Your voice trails off as you try to make sense of everything.
“This is going to be so much paperwork.” The worker sighs.
“I’m sorry… what town am I in?” You ask.
“Evergreen, Washington.”
“I don’t remember there being any big construction sites like this recently.” You try to think of any signs indicating any recent work sites.
“We just broke ground yesterday. I’m surprised you didn’t see it on the news.” The worker helps you up.
“I don’t tend to watch the news. My boyfriend thinks it’s depressing. I usually get my news elsewhere, but I’ve been a little busy to read up on it in the past few days.” You smile at the worker, thinking of Adrian.
“Like the newspaper?” He asks.
“No, online.”
“On what? You wait in line?”
“No… like the internet…” You give him a confused smile.
“Oh, I don’t mess with that new stuff. I don’t want robots in my house, stealing my information. You young people always just want things faster, faster, faster.” You tried to refrain from giving the man an odd look. He’s probably from one of the more rural areas. You knew how radically conservative Evergreen could be at first hand, having met Chris’ dad and been told stories of how he grew up. You were just happy Chris’ dad was dead. As awful as that sounds you’d hate to run into him.
“Yeah…” You give a nervous laugh. “Well thank you, but I should probably head out before your supervisor notices.” You quickly excuse yourself, walking down the street. You pulled out your phone, but had no service, so you put it away. That’s odd. Usually there’s dead zones in town, but you didn’t think it was this bad. As you walk down the street you see a beautiful vintage car parked by the side of the road. It’s in pretty good condition.
“I love your vintage car! What year is it?” You ask the woman getting out of it.
“What this clunker? I got it from my parents. It’s only an 81, but I guess it’s getting old now. It’s got tons of miles on it. They just got a new car, so they gave me their old one.” She says, locking her door.
“They didn’t wanna keep it?” You ask in shock.
“Why would they? It’s old.” You look at her in confusion before she excuses herself to walk into the grocery store. Guess some people just don’t know the value of collectibles.
Today has been fucking weird. How did you even end up in that construction site anyway? You must have gone for a walk this morning and fell in, but it’s a little alarming you don’t remember. You could walk home, but it’s just so far. You walk into a nearby corner store hopping they have wifi to connect to. You couldn’t call Adrian without service, but maybe if you could get wifi you could get him a message to come pick you up or you could order an Uber.
You walked into the building and made your way up to the counter. “Hi, do you have wifi here?” You ask.
“No, sorry we don’t sell that.” The teenage cashier dismisses you and goes back to the pad of paper they’re doodling on.
“Okay… do you know anywhere near here that has wifi?” You ask.
“I don’t even know what wifi is. I could call the hardware store and see if they have some.” They look at you like you’re the stupid one.
“What do you mean call the hardware store?”
“We have a phone behind the counter.”
“How do you not know what wifi is? Wireless internet?” You stare at them, losing your mind a bit.
“You think we have a computer here? This is Evergreen. Half the town is poor as shit. You’re not gonna find a computer in a gas station. Go to the library. They just got another one.” The teenager rolls their eyes at you.
“Can I at least use your phone?” You ask, trying to keep your patients with the idiot in front of you. How do they not know what wifi is?
“You have to use the pay phone next door. My boss said this is a business only phone.”
“The pay phone… What is this? 1985? I didn’t even know pay phones still existed.”
“Well some of us again can’t afford a cellphone. Not to mention, my mom says they fuck with your brain.” They roll their eyes again.
“It’s the 21st century who cares what their mother says? Practically everyone has a phone?” You give them a strange look.
“I don’t know what you smoked before you walked in here, but you’re still half a decade away from the 21st century.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” You look at them dumbfounded before it all starts to register. The comments about the internet being new, no wifi, no cellphones, the vintage car. You feel your ears start to ring as your eyes begin to tear up. You feel like you’re underwater. You take off, booking it down several blocks. You’re out of breath and you have a cramp, but you don’t care. You keep running. You’re sweating, but you keep running. You can taste metal in your mouth, but you keep running. You keep going. You have to. Finally you reach it. You stand in front of the building, catching your breath as you watch people walk in and out of Henelotter Video. Your heart is in your throat.
“No…” You look at it and begin to cry in shock at what was once your headquarters… or you guess what will one day be… That day hasn’t come yet. You walk over to a newspaper box and grab a free local paper. You see the date says August 31st, 1994. Fuck. You drop the paper, rushing to the back of the building. You collapse on the ground against the back wall of a building that should feel more familiar to you than it is. You remember now. The grenade must have been some sort of weaponized time travel. The people weren’t being killed or trafficked. They were being displaced in time. You sob quietly, not trying to cause a scene. This wasn’t supposed to be this way.
You lean against the building staring out at the parking lot, the parking lot where you shared your first kiss with Adrian. You had just gotten back from a mission that he was a little too reckless on and you needed to tell him how you felt in case you never got the chance again. You look over at the dumpster, clean of the graffiti it will one day be littered with. That was the dumpster he was hiding behind when you first met him as Vigilante.
Adrian… You may never get to see your perfect boyfriend again. He was by no means actually perfect, but he was perfect to you. He was your personal version of perfect and you knew you’d never find anyone else like him again. Now you may never see him again…
You cry until it starts to grow dark. You wonder about what you’ll do. Anything you do could change the future. What if changing the future makes it so you never meet Adrian or what if you change something and it branches off into a different future and you get stuck away from him in a parallel universe? You’re not a time travel scientist. Anything could fucking happen! The only thing you do know is that you’re alone and it’s getting dark. If you’re getting your timeline right, Chris’ dad would be coming out soon with his awful fucking army and you knew if they tried to fight you, you wouldn’t be able to take all of them on your own. They rule the streets in these years. You pull out your wallet from your pocket to find you have enough money to at least go get dinner. Your debit card won’t work, but you have just enough cash. You head to Fennel Fields because you knew it would probably be the only consistent thing left in town. You just wanted something familiar.
As you’re seated, an overwhelmed waitress rushes past you saying “I’ll be right with you!”
“Take your time. I practically have all the time in the world… like 30 years of time…” You whisper the last part under your breath. The overworked waitress runs back to you and apologizes.
“Hi, my name is Diane. Can I get you something to drink?” You want to order a soda, but decide against it to save money.
“Uh… I guess water will have to be fine.”
“You don’t look so sure. It’s free refills.” She smiles at you.
“I- I’m okay…” You stutter, tired. You could really use the caffeine, but shouldn’t.
“Well if you could have any pop in the machine which one would you pick?” She asks.
“I’m really fine with water…” You laugh nervously.
“Just humor me.” She smiles at you.
“Uh…maybe a Diet Coke…” You smile shyly at her. She leaves and comes back with a Diet Coke.
“On the house.” She smiles at you again. Something about her is so comforting.
“Oh, no. I couldn’t possibly-“
“Take it. You look like you’ve had a long day. I know I have.” She smiles at you.
“You’re very kind.” You smile back, taking a sip, letting the cool bubbly liquid trickle down your throat, which is sore from crying.
“Now what are we doing for food?” She asks.
“Uh…I’m gonna be really honest with you. I know most restaurants won’t let you order a kids meal if you’re over 12, but I’m really tight on cash, so I was hoping to maybe get the chicken tenders and fries?” You try your luck and she gives you another comforting smile.
“Great choice. I’ll go have the kitchen whip it up.” She walks away without any other questions.
You stay and eat at the restaurant for a while. Even long after you’re done, you stay and enjoy more free refills just so you’re not out on the streets.
“You know we’re technically closed right?” Your waitress, Diane asks.
“Oh! I’m sorry. I’ll leave…” You start to collect your things as she begins to sit at your booth with a bin of silverware and some napkins.
“No, please stay. Mind if I join you?” She asks.
“Um…no.” You smile. “I don’t mind at all.” Truth be told you loved Diane. She had such a comfortable, familiar air around her. Even in all of this chaos, she felt like someone you could trust. She starts rolling silverware as you sip on your drink.
“So what’s your story? Are you running or were you kicked out?” She asks.
“What?” You look at her confused.
“You just look scared and tired and like you’re not quite sure what to do. It’s none of my business, but you just look like you need someone on your side is all.” She smiles again, hoping she didn’t overstep.
“Why were you so kind to me? I walked into this restaurant with thirteen dollars to my name and you didn’t even roll an eye at me.” You question her.
“Just doing what I think is right, I suppose. It’s been hard for me too lately. My husband just left, so I picked up this second job to make sure my kids will be alright.” You shoot her a sympathetic look.
“Um…kicked out…I guess….” You open up. Being exiled from your time period is sort of like being kicked out.
“Do you have anywhere to go?” She asks. You shake your head silently. She finishes rolling the last bit of silverware before standing up and putting the bin behind the counter nearby.
“Let’s go. I’m taking you home with me.” She smiles.
“Oh, no! I- I couldn’t possibly-“
“Yes, you can and you will. I’m a mother. I’m not going to let a young adult with nowhere to go and no money sleep on the streets.” She cuts you off. She couldn’t be too much older than you, but clearly motherhood had aged her.
“You don’t even know my name!” You protest.
“What’s your name?” She asks.
“Rey” You panicked. It was the first name to come to your head. You and Adrian had watched Star Wars yesterday.
“Well then, Rey, let’s go home.” She insists.
“I can’t just stay in your house. That’d be rude.” You continue to debate.
“Then work for me.” She says.
“What?” You question her.
“I’ve been wanting to hire a nanny, but haven’t been able to afford one. If you come stay at my place, while you’re there you could watch the boys when I’m at work and in return you would have a roof over your head and food to eat. It sounds like a win-win situation.” She proposes. It isn’t a bad idea. You worry doing just about anything else would have an insane impact on the timeline. How much could one family affect everything?
“Are you sure about this?” You ask.
“More than sure. There’s something about you. You just seem…right.” She tells you. You smile.
“Okay…let’s go home then I guess…” you say as you follow her out of the restaurant. On the drive home she tells you about her kids.
“I have two kids…officially…” She starts.
“What do you mean officially?” You ask as you watch the passing streetlights illuminate her face.
“Well my son’s friend is always over, so more often than not it’ll probably be three boys. I let him sleepover a lot even though he’s a handful because every time he sleeps at home he comes back the next day with bruises. I can’t do anything about it because…well…that’s just how the town is…I think if I said anything things would just get worse, so I keep my mouth shut and put out an extra table setting for supper.” Her hands tighten on the steering wheel as she speaks.
“That’s so awful. I’ll never be able to understand parents who do that to their kids.” You sigh.
“Me either. If anyone laid a finger on either of my boys I’d kill them.” Most moms would be exaggerating, but you saw fire behind her eyes. You knew she loved her kids and she wasn’t fucking around. When you get home and walk inside you see a toddler with tight brown curls running around the living room in nothing, but a diaper.
“Dorian?!” Diane yells through the house. She catches the giggling toddler who has food on his face.
“Dorian Gut Chase! I told you your brother had to be in bed by 8!” Diane starts to scold her son who could be heard from the other room playing video games. Oh fuck.
“I’m sorry. Can you please hold Adrian. I don’t want him getting into anything else before bed and it seems like Dorian and Chris are upstairs killing aliens on the Super Nintendo instead of watching him, which is why I need a nanny in the first place.” She shoves Adrian in your hands. Holy fuck.
“Hi.” You hold him stiffly in your hands.
“I’m Adrian! I’m three!” He tells you just about the only thing every toddler is trained to say upon meeting a new person, shoving 3 fingers in your face.
“I know.” You say back. That’s probably not what you’re supposed to tell a three year old when they introduce themselves, but it’s not like he’ll remember anyway. You’re too in shock to care.
“What’s- what’s- what is your name?” He asks, stuttering out the words, obviously new to keeping up conversations.
“Rey, could you bring Adrian upstairs to help get him ready for bed please?” Diane calls and you remember you told her your name was Rey. Fuck if only baby Adrian could catch the joke in all of this. This is so weird on so many levels.
“I’m Rey, I guess, and we’re going upstairs now.” You tell him.
“Is it bedtime?” He asks.
“Um yeah. You’re up a little late, bud.”
“It’s not late!” He protests in his squeaky voice.
“What makes you think it’s not late?” You ask, as you walk up the stairs.
“I’m not tired!” He says.
“What time do you think it is?” You ask.
“Um 2- 2- 27” He giggles.
“That’s not a time!” You laugh at him, pretending to almost drop him. He breaks out into a fit of giggles. You had almost forgotten who you were holding.
“You’re really good with him. It’s almost like you’re a natural. He’s usually not this happy with strangers. He loves you!” She says, pleasantly surprised. If only somebody else could see the irony in the situation. Freud would love to be a fly on the way during all of this.
“Oh…uh…thanks.” You smile, as Adrian situates himself in your arms, hugging you closely. You would do anything to have Adrian back. Well this is sort of Adrian, but… you wish you had the older version. You wanted your Adrian back.
“I’ll take him from here.” Diane offers. “Check out the guest room. It’s the one at the end of the hall.” She says, taking Adrian from you.
“Thank you. You’ve been really kind.” You smile at her.
“It’s no trouble. You’re doing me a favor.”
You bid your goodnights and head to the guest room. You sit on the bed and think for a moment. This is so fucked up on so many levels. Forget about how you could fuck up the timeline… How are you gonna fuck up your boyfriend?! Not to mention, what kind of fucking ethics are involved in nannying your future boyfriend? He’s fucking three! He’s impressionable! On one hand this is weird, but on the other hand it might be your smartest move. Free room, free food, and you know how Adrian, Gut, and Chris’ lives are supposed to play out, so maybe you can stick to the script of your own timeline a little easier. This might be the easiest way to change as little as possible. You sigh, flopping onto the bed. You pull out your phone. The battery is only half charged and you have no way of charging it, but you don’t care. You need him. You pull up a picture of him that you took this morning in the van on your way to the warehouse, as tears come to your eyes. You open your voicemails and play one he left for you the other day.
“Hey babe, it’s me. I’m just calling because I know you had a bad day today and I was thinking maybe I could bring takeout home from the restaurant and we could just have a movie night? I just wanted to know if you were feeling chicken parm or meatballs or if you wanted to just scratch dinners and have me bring home a pizza. Just call me back when you get this. I’m really proud of you- uh…not that I’m not always proud of you. I’m like totally proud of you all the time and I’m rambling again and this voicemail is about to be like 10 years long, so uh bye I love you.” As soon as the voicemail ended you played it again, letting your tears fall freely. After you’re sure everyone is asleep you sneak into toddler Adrian’s room to check on him. He’s fast asleep in his bed. You let your silent tears continue to fall. He starts to move in his sleep. He seems distraught like he could be having a nightmare.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna take really good care of you, just like how you always take really good care of me.” You put on a teary eyed smile, giving him a kiss on the top of his head and adjusting his fallen blanket to cover him better. He seems to look more comfortable now. He stays fast asleep as you sneak back to the guest room for the night.
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