#is a story about how rape is bad and hurts people and recovery is difficult

[flowerflamestars]

Hey hey hey 😀 not sure if you've been getting my asks(could really be my WiFi too) or Tumblr has been up to no good again, but hey how was ACOSF? I gather from your updates and posts you're just disappointed by it. A lot of us are. Hope you've been doing well after reading Acosf 😅

Hey babe! I know I have at least one from you that I need to answer- entirely my bad, I’ve been going through my inbox in little chunks. Yall have been too lovely and the influx is great :)

Disappointment is very much the right word. 

The big thing- ignoring that Nesta as a character was meaningful, or that the baby plot line was big swing in every wrong way possible, the plotting is a MESS- is that I think the story resoundingly fails on both it’s goals.

It’s a recovery story, a healing story. And a romance.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD

Nesta is stripped of her autonomy. And I want to be extremely clear on that- this is framed as an intervention and it is not an intervention. It is not, at any point, really about Nesta becoming healthy. It’s about control. Rhys says it, Feyre says it, Cassian says it: Nesta is a problem. Nesta affects their reputation. Nesta needs to be punished.

Morrigan, a fellow abuse/assault survivor, tells Cassian with absolute seriousness that they should just throw Nesta into the Court of Nightmares and leave her there. Because she’s just as bad.

WHAT

The entire structure is that Nesta needs to change- but it isn’t about her being safer, her finding her way- it’s about the fact that her being suicidally depressed makes her sister sad.

So yeah, Nesta gets stronger. Because one of her two-pronged punishments is army training with the man she once loved and has been trying to distance herself from for YEARS. Who proceeds to control what she wears, when she sleeps, WHAT SHE EATS. Who laughs, when she gets hurt. 

By the end of the story, the issue Nesta has confronted, from her laundry list of trauma is...that she’s bitchy to her sisters in instances of extreme distress/hardship. 

That she...blames herself for the death of her abusive, absent father, who in no way contributed to her life from the time of her mothers death into her adulthood until he showed up for...ten seconds in acowar, named a ship after her, and immediately died. Watching a parent die? traumatic as hell. Retconning an ENTIRE parent-child relationship to make a character have something more palatable to struggle with? Bad writing.

Rape hangs over Nesta like a cloud this whole novel, but she never talks about it. It never in any way comes up while her and Cassian are having rough sex on every available surface.

She never heals, and she never becomes comfortable as a faery. She gives up her power. 

Literally AND figuratively- Nesta is the same person at the end of the novel, but now she can punch really hard? has no magic, gave up a destiny the book STRONGLY IMPLIES was actually, really, always about Rhysand. All that changed is now she’s finally bent enough to play by the rules of the same people who condemned her for responding to the terrible things that happened it her...in ways exactly like they have and continue to do.

It makes me so sad, you know?

Which brings us to Cassian.

Who is supposed to be the emotionally intuitive one. The one who has survived so much, who understands trauma. Who more than that, understands Nesta, better than anyone else.

That is not the man in this book. 

He’ll make this earnest declarations that sound...almost right? and then ten seconds later he’s guilt-tripping her. Saying just, absolute bullshit to her. Sexualizing her in her lowest moments.

It’s not enemies to lovers- Cassian is ashamed of Nesta when the book begins. Takes active glee in physically punishing her when she’s having a breakdown 600 pages later, on what it supposed to be the great tipping point of their relationship.

At no point does this man seem to even LIKE Nesta. He wants to have sex with her. He want her to do what he wants and obey 1) him and 2) their High Lord and Lady. 

Nesta, who even toward the end of the book, as I said STILL IS NOT HEALING AT ALL, tells Cassian: “I don’t deserve you, and I never, ever will.”

Cassian’s response it to...kiss her?

Tell her: “You’re not going to marry Eris.” “There will be no one for else. For either of us.”

And then Nesta says yes, cries more, and they have sex again.

oh yeah, and then in the morning he runs off? To have a snowball fight? And then doesn’t speak to her or see her for three days.

I just. This dynamic never gets better. Proud, strong, intelligent, ferocious Nesta is always kind of like: will you look at me? you’re good and i am not. 

She’s not safe in this love. Not comfortable, not ever on even ground. The entire dynamic of this relationship has brought her low and keeps her there.

So like, in the end. They have this fight where Cassian fully starts yelling at her...in public...because she isn’t saying yes! we’re mates! I’m going to quote it here:

“I am your mate, for fucks sake!” Cassian shouted, loud enough for people across the river to hear. “You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?”

She let the truth, voiced at last, wash over her.

“You promised me forever on Solstice,” he said, voice breaking, “Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?”

“Because with that one word, the last scrap of my humanity goes away!” She didn’t care who say them, who heard. “With that one stupid word, I am no longer human in any way. I’m one of you!”

He blinked. “I thought you wanted to be one of us.”

“I don’t know what I want. I didn’t have a choice.”

“Well, I didn’t have a choice in being shackled to you, either.”

GUYS. I hate this fight to unfathomable levels.

so yes, he immediately tries to recant it...but like, let’s follow the thread for a minute. They’re together, really together, ever since the stupid moment Nesta said she was trash and didn’t deserve Cassian and Cassian said...you and me! forever! let’s fuck about it!

I get that the matebond is a precious thing- but god, it could not be clearer Cassian just...doesn’t respect Nesta even a little bit? She won’t use the word, so he’s yelling at her.

a page before: “That word means nothing to me, Cassian,” she said, voice thick as she tried to keep people who strode past from overhearing. “It means something to all of you, but for most of my life husband and wife was as good as it got. Mate is just a word.”

BECAUSE SHE WAS HUMAN. Because, very validly... Nesta has been fae for, two years? Her baseline is human, that’s how she feels. And she’s not wrong??

Faeries get married too. It’s not mates or nothing. 

In my imaginary book, Cassian goes: why Archeron, is that a proposal? Because I’d love nothing more than to be your husband.

In THIS BOOK, he snaps: “That’s bullshit.”

Annnd cue fight.

Not only is Cassian so, so disrespectful of Nesta’s feelings...HE THOUGHT SHE WANTED TO BE A FAERY?

Are you kidding me, canon? Nesta was drowned against her will in the Cauldron! Cassian was there, unconscious in a pool of his own blood, still trying to reach her and save her. The ENTIRE pivot of her character that slides her into the dark place this book is meant to heal her from is her complete loss of autonomy at Hyberns hands.

and then the shackle line. I just...obviously, people say things in arguments they don’t mean, But Cassian never once stops going for what hurts the most where Nesta is concerned, and is yet baffled by her responses. He understands how to hurt her, but not how to comfort her when they’re fully clothed.

And then the end is...they’re mates. They’re going to have babies. They’re going to have a big faery mating ceremony. Nesta’s feelings aren’t not addressed, they magically cease to exist.

I’m sorry this turned into a FULL RANT- but yes, I’m disappointed. 

Its always the same story: the difficult woman has to soften. Learn to be nice. Power? she can’t have that. She’s going to have a mate and babies, that’s her journey, because that’s every woman's journey.

There is one bright spot, which I do have to mention. I love Nesta’s friends. 

They’re her real chance at recovery, that the IC have nothing to do with. And you know what? she makes them right off the bat. It’s crazy how if you treat someone like a person, they can function like one.

I just want them to have their own story far, far away from everyone else. 

#apparently I was holding in a rant with my whole chest #acosf spoilers #knowing it wasn't going to be great did help #as did live blogging it with all of yall #but go fuck that ending forever #bad in every way #in a book that both had too many details and no plot #in a love story that was better when they were strangers than when they were sleeping together

[witchvspatriarchy]

Goo Hara's story is one of the most tragic and rough in kpop history. And in light of the recent events, I'd like to share it.

It's pretty possible that most of you (ppl who weren't around for 2nd generation prime) dont know Goo Hara or her legendary group KARA. The group was among the top three girl groups nation wise, and number one in Japan.

But when KARA debuted it wasn't very popular, so when one member left, the company saw the opportunity to revamp the group and they added two new members. One of those was Goo Hara. She was introduced as main dancer and visual.

Hara's integration helped the group. Her innocent beauty in contrast to an effortless sex appeal caused men and women, children and adults, to fall in love with the idol, and this new fandom catapulted the group. Even though before debut she already had many fans, she already had antis too. A big portion of the original fandom rejected the integration of Hara. So from day one Hara had a strong individual fandom, but the group's fandom hated her.

Hara became the it girl of the moment, getting all the commercial contracts - this generated animosity from the fandom that questioned why she was the only one who was given the opportunities and why she did not participate in the commercial activities of the group. This did not weigh much on Hara at first, since she was somewhat accustomed to hate for no reason - in high school she was the victim of such extreme bullying that she had to change schools several times. She had the general public in her palms, so a portion of the fandom hating her was manageable.

But the love and support from the general public didn't last long, as netizens searched the internet to find something to destroy her and succeeded. They found Hara's teenage blog from before she was and idol, and in it they found photos of her in a hostel on her 17th birthday with her boyfriend at the time. They published them saying that Hara had had a romantic stay at the hostel and therefore she had sex while being a minor. And although the company denied it and Hara's friends said it had been a group trip, the netizens sought witnesses to support their accusations and thus began the gossip that Hara was promiscuous. This accusations gained notoriety when her relationship with Junhyun of B2ST became public. And so netizens invented her love affairs with many idols.

The situation reached a climax in Radio Star, when the MC asked KARA what topic they didn't want to talk about, to which Hara replied "dating." The three MCs started joking with Hara's promiscuity in a rather heavy way. And although it is well known that this type of image is harmful to an idol (mostly female idols) the MCs continued with the jokes. Hara tried to laugh it off but it was a comment from Kyuhyun that made her crack, being the gossip expert on the show, he said "if I said what I know, her career would be over." It was then that Hara threw him a bottle of juice playfully and then broke into tears. Hara was accused of being violent, unprofessional and disrespectful by netizens. And when one of the MCs came out in her defense and apologized for what they had done, the netizens said that "Hara's tantrums had forced him to apologize" and they hated her more.

Shortly after this, KARA disintegrated. But despite everything, Hara made a fortune as a commercial model. And there is nothing that netizens hate more than a successful, independent and wealthy woman. Especially if she achieves so despite public hate. And even more, if this successful, independent and wealthy woman is best friends with another successful, independent and wealthy woman (Sulli) that netizens also tried to destroy. And so, Goo Hara moved on with her life, even though the hate never stopped.

On September 4, 2018, Goo Hara (who is 1.64 and is so thin that she has been accused of being anorexic) was accused of beating her boyfriend. For the following week there were no signs of Hara, while the boyfriend appeared in the media several times a day giving interviews about it, and saying that she had gone crazy when he tried to end the relationship. He said he wasn't going to go public at first but when he got home he realized she had "disfigured" him and his face "is a big part of how he makes a living" (he's a hairdresser) so he decided to let everyone know the type of person she is. At some point the guy gave an interview in a hospital gown and connected to serum, despite having given interviews without these things several days before, and the hospital records shows he only had scratches. But despite being suspicious, the netizens did not need more, and cited what happened on radio star, her promiscuity and her friendship with Sulli as evidence of her violence and imbalance, and demanded jail time for Hara.

Time after that, Hara finally appeared on the media, which she had not done because she had been hospitalized due to the beating that the boyfriend (the alleged victim) gave her. Attack that damaged her internal organs to the degree of causing severe bleeding. Incidentally, there was damage to her intimate organs, so a rape is suspected, although it was never confirmed as such. And although Hara presented evidence and a witness, the netizens did not believe her, they said that she paid the witness and that, because she was promiscuous, her word had no worth. It was then that Dispatch revealed that the boyfriend had offered them the premise of the matter, then screenshots of the guy blackmailing Hara with an intimate video that he filmed against her will came to light. Just then the netizens decided to listen to her. The witness (Hara's roomie) came out to give her version of the facts: the guy had entered without permission with the access code and had woken Hara by kicking the bed. The witness and the messages proved that Hara had broke up with him and he wanted to blackmail her with the intimate video and threatened to end her career, Hara tried to take the video, and the guy beat her up. After that, he destroyed averything and anything he could find at the apartment, while Hara begged him not to publish the video. In the week that Hara was hospitalized the guy sent her threats and fragments of the video as blackmail.

For a while Hara had the empathy of the netizens, but the case was never resolved judicially, and the public eventually forgot what happened and attacked Hara again. This year Hara uploaded a photo to her social media for the first time, thanking the support she received in those difficult moments. And the netizens accused her of attention seeking, they said that if she was really hurt she shouldn't be on social media after what happened, and accused her of being unaware of the damage she caused her ex - who could no longer show his face in public. Soon she went to Japan to fulfill previous contracts and they accused her of fleeing, of indifference and said that what had happened hadn't been so serious if she was already working and she had made a big drama for nothing. Meanwhile the ex is active in social media and opened a new beauty salon, which was very successful. And as if that were not enough, the ex-boyfriend, Junghyun (B2ST) ended up entangled in the Seungri/Rising Sun scandal. And although it has been said that he was not an active participant beyond commenting on the videos that JJY sent, the netizens insisted that there were videos and intimate photos of Hara in the infamous chats.

After this, Hara uploaded a picture and netizens accused her of getting plastic surgery. Hara said that she had eyelid surgery for medical reasons and asked people to stop attacking her, but the netizens ignored and attacked her for the surgery.

May 25th 2019, Hara was found unconscious in her apartment. It was said it had been a suicide attempt. This incident, unlike others in the world of kpop, did not have a wave of positive and empathetic comments wishing her recovery, but the comments were insults, offenses and ridicule towards Hara. They even reproached her for her lack of success in committing suicide, accused her of faking it, said that the news were false to get attention and attacked her more than ever.

Soon after that Hara los her best friend.

This news were devastating but they were not a surprise, at least to me. I made a post about Sulli's passing asking people to support Hara, because I knew that she would be next. She had already tried. And she got hate for not succeeding.

A lot of the kpop fandom now wasn't around for most of the second generation mess. We had idols poisoned, attacked, and destroyed by netizens. There still are many idols victims of slave contracts and abuse but back then you saw the proof of those things regularly. With idols passing out and stuff.

Korea, specifically its treatment of celebrities is crap. Its inhuman. As international fans we should spread love for idols. And ask the companies to care for them, we should watch for their best interests as humans. What Hyuna and Edawn are doing, going on variety shows and doing photoshoots together as a couple is huge. What Mamamoo has been doing is huge. What Holland is doing is huge. Please support the idols who are actively fighting to change Koreas celebrity culture. ITS IMPORTANT.

And its important to know the stories of idols like Hara, Hangeng, T-ARA... because this idols were victims and where given nothing but hate. Hate that ended their careers or in Hara and Sulli's case, their lives. Hate kills. Haters kill. Not allowing people to live a plenty life, kills. Not allowing people to make mistakes, kills. I hope you read Hara's story and pay attention to female idols with a bad reputation, they're vulnerable in so many ways. And I hope that, in the future, when an idol survives a suicide attempt y'all wont ignore it like you did Hara.

REST IN PEACE🙏💔💔🙏

#how many more #goo hara #kara #tw suicide #tw rape #long post #sulli #f(x) #korea needs to wake up #idols are human #kpop #rip #rest in peace #rest in power #second generation #female idol #depression #mental health #netizens #girl groups #kyuhyun #super junior #suju #junhyun #b2st #seungri #rising sun #bullying

[scripttorture]

Hello! I’m a long time follower of this blog and first of all, I wanna thank you for your amazing work! I’ve learned so much from your analysis and explanations! My question is: I have a character that is kidnapped along with two partners/friends that are beaten to death in front of her. She then endures torture such as being repeatedly drowned, tased and whipped, and she spends most of the time in a stress position (hands tied above her head from the ceiling). That lasts about 2/3 days (1/2)

When they threaten her with rape, she says the information she’d been withholding in an attempt to escape it. Is this realistic, or does it go against the fact that the most you torture, the less the victim is likely to cooperate? Also, they end up raping her still, and shortly after that she is rescued by her friends. What would be the extent of her psychology damage? I don’t want her to bounce right back into work like nothing’s happened - that would be disrespectful to actual victims (2/2)

-

I find gauging/explaining the extent of psychological ‘damage’ difficult because one of the things I try to avoid here is grading people’s pain. We have a tendency to default to almost ranking these things and I don’t think that’s helpful. It’s a perfectly legitimate question (and I don’t think you are trying to rank how much this character suffers) but it’s a… cultural quirk that makes answering a bit more difficult.

 The truth is that with all of these things there’s a range of individual responses rather then one universal ‘right’ answer. So if you’re struggling remember that the target you’re trying to hit isn’t a pin, it’s a boulder.

 As you practice writing different survivors you’ll get more confident handling symptoms and long term mental health problems.

 I’ll circle back to that, let’s tackle the question of whether people ‘talk’ first. I think a lot of people get confused by this because there are a lot of factors at work and it’s difficult to picture the knock on effects of all of them at once.

 Torture does not lead to accurate information. It fundamentally can’t. And it can’t because of mixture of factors including:

how our memory works

how our nervous system works

how torturers behave

the effect torture has on organisations more broadly

the erosion of public trust torture causes

 The question of whether an individual victim ‘talks’ or not concerns the first two points. Which (putting it briefly) are: pain and trauma cause memory problems meaning that torture actively destroys the evidence it claims to seek and that we are stubborn creatures who become a lot less inclined to actively cooperate with people who hurt us.

 However the issue is bigger then the victim here.

 When an organisation uses torture they lose the public trust, people stop volunteering information. And volunteered information is the main source of accurate information for any organisation.

 This means that the majority of people arrested by these organisations typically know nothing. They are then tortured and given a big incentive to lie.

 This creates a cycle of increasing misinformation. I talk about this effect in more detail here.

 On top of all this torturers… how to put this… They don’t give a fuck about genuine investigation.

 They claim that they do. But their actions tell a different story.

 Torturers don’t record what their victims say. They do not fact check what their victims say. There are multiple recorded incidents of torturers continuing to ‘interrogate’ prisoners who did not speak the same language and of torturers continuing to torture when victims were clearly physically incapable of responding.

 There have also been cases where victims have reported trying to give up information only to have torturers completely ignore it and carry on.

 And torturers are no better at telling the difference between lies and truth then anyone else. They often believe lies told by victims who know nothing. And they are equally likely to dismiss the truth.

 The main point to understand here is: there’s a difference between a character giving up information and a torturer/organisation that tortures obtaining accurate information.

 Personally? I think it is easier from a writing perspective to have the character lie, especially if this is your first time writing something like this.

 Writing torture is hard. It will be a lot easier to avoid falling into the common torture apologia trope that ‘torture works’ if the character lies. Especially if you don’t think the narrative has the time and space to explore the knock on effects of torture on the villainous organisation.

 So this isn’t so much an issue of realism as what you feel you can take on in this story.

 A small number of people do try to tell torturers the truth or give up information. But the scale of misinformation that torture produces is so vast that any small truths get lost among the lies.

 Conversely readers expect that if they see a character telling torturers something true, there are going to be narrative consequences. They expect this to mean the Bad Guys ‘know everything’ and will act on it.

 Realistically… torture can’t produce that sort of coordinated, thought through response. Because for everything this character says there are twelve others in separate cells contradicting that information. Because her torturers may not actually want to hear the truth, because they’ve probably sunk a lot of time, effort and personal prestige into a lie they heard a month ago being ‘true’ instead.

 But that’s not a leap most readers will make. It isn’t a context you can expect the average reader to understand. That isn’t me disparaging your readers it’s just… accurate information on torture is hard to find or access, so most people believe the apologia they see everyday. It’s another kind of trope and we’re all used to tropes playing out a particular way.

 Question whether your story has the space to explain this context and whether it can be done in a way that’s narratively satisfying.

 If the answer is ‘no’, or if you just feel like it’s a lot to tackle, then I think you’re a lot better off with the character lying to her torturers.

 Looking over the torture scenario itself I think you do have a survivable scenario here.

 I would say that it’s uncommon for victims to be put in stress positions for a few hours: generally the typical time frame is around 24-48 hours. Using a stress position in this scenario would still be painful but you don’t need to use it. You already have a lot going on with five separate tortures (six if this character is beaten as well.)

 I don’t see anything wrong with keeping it in here if you feel it adds something to the story. But if you want to drop one of these abuses the stress position seems like the odd one out.

 Circling back to the beginning and the psychological problems torture causes, I think a definition of ‘disability’* is helpful here. Disability is any impairment, mental or physical, that has a substantial, long term, negative effect on daily life.

 That’s what we’re talking about with torture survivors.

 Recovery is possible. Life for survivors can get better. Every common psychological condition torture causes can improve with time, treatment and life style adaptions.

 But we are talking about disability. Improvement and a happy life doesn’t mean that someone goes back to the way they were before.

 Let’s take a few examples from the list of common symptoms which you can find here.

 An ‘easy’ example to think through would be something like chronic pain. I think most of us can imagine how being in pain every day would have a negative impact on your ability to do things.

 It can make it harder to perform normal, daily tasks. People with pain in their knees might struggle climbing stairs and walking long distances for instance. People with pain in their arms or shoulders might struggle to get dressed, hang washing on a line and access things on shelves above chest height.

 Chronic pain can also make it harder to interact positively with people and socialise. We’re rarely at are best when we’re in pain.

 A harder example to think through might be the kinds of long term memory problems torture commonly causes. You can read more about them here.

 One possible type of memory problem is a sort of general forgetfulness that a lot of survivors experience. It is not dementia, it isn’t a progressive loss of memory. But some survivors find it a lot harder to remember information and that can have a huge impact on a person’s daily life.

 Typical examples are things like:

forgetting medical appointments, which can lead to people being denied treatment

being consistently late for work, which can lead to loss of employment

difficulty managing money

forgetting to pay bills, leading to essential services being cut

forgetting meetings with friends, leading to reduced social life and isolation

 That’s not a complete list but hopefully it gives you an idea of some of the ways this particular symptom impacts daily life.

 This thought process that I’ve outlined is what you’re aiming for when you’re trying to think through symptom severity. It imagining the knock on effects on daily life and ensuring they’re at a level where the character is disabled.

 That will look different depending on the combination of symptoms you pick.

 Survivors don’t typically experience every possible symptom. As I said there’s variety; survivors of the same traumatic event can come out with completely different sets of symptoms and we’re not always sure why.

 Given that I think the best thing a writer can do is pick 3-5 symptoms from the list for their character and show those symptoms consistently over the course of the story.

 Remember that symptoms can improve. A person’s mental health problems can get better; but this means ‘easier to deal with’ rather then ‘no longer there.’

 It’s also worth keeping in mind that the same mental health problem can look different in different people. It’s common for people with depression to experience insomnia but it’s also common for people with depression to feel tired constantly, sleep excessively and find it impossible to get out of bed.

 Decide on the symptoms you want to write then take a moment to think about how they should manifest in this particular character.

 I find it helpful to consider what it will add to the story. If a symptom works well with a theme in the story or creates interesting narrative opportunities then it’s usually a good pick. When thinking through the severity of the symptom consider whether this particular disability would create interesting challenges for the character as the story progresses.

 Recovery and learning to live with disability takes months or years. It’s not linear and there are some people who will require regular assistance.

 Essentially because symptoms are so varied between survivors and because they can manifest is different ways I can’t give you a perfect road map to writing trauma. There isn’t one ‘correct’ way to do it because there isn’t one way it manifests in life.

 But it isn’t necessarily as hard as it sounds. Writing this stuff well takes practice, trial and error. That shouldn’t stop you from trying.

 If you can I’d recommend finding a beta reader or writing group. Having other people reading over your stuff and giving feedback can really help. It’s a good way to make sure your scenes are coming across as you intend them to.

 I’d also recommend taking a look through ScriptTraumaSurvivor’s archived blog here.

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*I’m quoting from UK anti discrimination law here mostly because I think it’s a clear, helpful way of picturing what we’re talking about.

#writing advice #tw torture #tw rape #tw kidnap #torture as interrogation #torture does not work #memory problems #torture and organisations #torture and compliance #writing victims #writing recovery #writing torturers #scarring torture #clean torture #disability #mental illness #time frames for torture

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Midnight Angel

Pairings: Peter Parker x Gender Neutral!Reader

Summary: There are some disgusting people in this world- people who feel the need to exert power over others in terrible ways. When victims speak up, they are ignored, or worse, blamed. When you decide to take matters into your own hands, you run into a particular superhero. 

Warnings: Violence; Repeated mentions of sexual assault, rape and abuse (though no actual depictions of any); I guess there’s like borderline torture but not really? Stapling things to people’s bodies?; Cursing; Rope around the neck (not hanging anyone but they get pulled by it, like a collar)

Word Count: 4000

A/N: All victims of the Midnight Angel (Philip Meeks and Hillary Times) are entirely made up characters! These are not based off real people and if anyone has these names, this is not an accusation of them in any way shape or form. Just a coincidence. 

_________________________________

Finding targets was always the easiest part. You had two main methods: 1) Tracking people down through the internet and 2) Hearing about them through your mother’s law firm. Going to a STEM school that emphasized proficiency with computer programming made hacking into web systems to find the necessary information simple. Since your mother specialized in representing abuse and rape victims in court, getting information from her files was a quick task. 

You didn’t think of yourself as a criminal, although you knew that by all legal definitions, you were. But was it really a crime when you hurt people who hurt others? By targeting rapists and abusers, you were only making the city safer. You considered it community service that you could never include on a college application. 

It all started when your mother came home, angrily devastated by the loss of a case her client had against her ex-boyfriend, claiming he’d been abusing both her and their son. The evidence has been solid. Multiple police reports from both her and their neighbors, along with pictures documenting the abuse and witness reports made for a nearly assured win for the client. Your mother had been so excited that the poor woman and her child could finally rest easy knowing that their abuser was behind bars. But then the ex-boyfriend’s lawyer said something that instilled just enough doubt in the jury’s mind to return from deliberation with a not guilty verdict. 

You remembered your mother coming home in tears that night, telling you how she felt like she’d failed the victims because now the boyfriend would walk free. That night, though, you decided that he wouldn’t. It wasn’t difficult to go through your mother’s computer once she fell asleep, a solo bottle of wine later, to find out where to find the boyfriend lived, though it took some digging through multiple databases. 

Once you found your target’s location, you had gotten dressed in dark but unsuspecting clothes and gloves, the face masks you were forced to wear due to COVID-19 coming in handy for concealing your identity without looking suspicious, and snuck out through the fire escape, making your way a few blocks down to the sketchy apartment building your target resided in. You climbed the fire escape up to the fifth floor and peeked in through the window before the actual attack. The man was asleep on the couch, the TV illuminating the otherwise dark room. The cans of beer scattered haphazardly across the coffee table told you that he would probably be difficult to wake up, which was perfect. 

You flicked the blade of your pocket knife out and used it to slide under the windowpane and shimmy the lock until it clicked open. Carefully, you slid the window open, watching for any reaction from the man only to see him still sawing logs on the couch. Once you were in, the first step was reaching into your backpack to remove duct tape and rope that you brought with. You grabbed a chair and carefully brought it into the center of the small living room, just far enough away to make it impossible to reach anything, before tiptoeing back to him and placing a strip of duct tape over his slightly stubbled face. 

His eyes shot open and he woke with a start, hand going up immediately to grip your wrist that dwarfed in comparison. You’d expected this reaction, though, and grabbed his wrist, using his own force to throw him off of the couch and onto the ground. 

Little known secret: Your mother had had you in judo classes since you were a young child. Though you’d never gotten into competing for any more than earning belts, you were one of the best pupils until you quit a few years ago. 

The man was caught off guard and he tried to yell at you through the tape but to no avail. You rolled to straddle him and looped the rope around his neck, albeit sloppily, but it tightened just enough when you pulled on it. Using the rope as leverage, you stood up and dragged him over to the chair. He crawled sloppily, fumbling over himself as you tugged on the rope in a sadistic yet satisfying display of power when he didn’t move fast enough. 

“Get up!” You demanded quietly but aggressively, trying to distort your voice naturally by making it a few octaves lower than it naturally sat. He sat back on his knees, prying at the rope around his throat but you just tugged on it, making him lurch forward, his hands landing on the chair. “Sit.” 

On shaky hands, he pressed himself up to obey and you used the long end of the rope in your hands to wrap around his body, tying him to the chair. The rope around his neck was loose now, mostly just there to serve as a reminder of what you could do if you really wanted to, but the rope bit into his biceps. 

Once he was securely tied in place, you walked around the front of the chair to get in his face. His brown eyes were wide with fear and confusion and a fucked up part of you loved to see it. “You like to hit little kids, huh?” You asked and he shook his head aggressively in denial, tears brimming in his eyes. 

You sent a solid left hook to his face, “You liar. You really think I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know what you did?” You shook your hand, never having truly punched anyone in the face before and boy did it hurt like a bitch. 

For the finishing touch of your master plan, you reached into your bag one final time, retrieving a staple gun and a piece of paper you’d printed out that read I think it’s fun to beat women and children. Uncreative, you knew, but this was a spontaneous act of vigilantism. Next time, you’d think of something better. 

“Tell me… what is it about it that you enjoy?” You waved the staple gun around as you spoke and his eyes followed it in terror, “Is it some power trip? Do you enjoy seeing the fear in your girlfriend’s eyes when you're about to hit her? The fear in your son’s? How old is he again? Four?” Seeing somebody look so afraid of you, by what you were doing and saying honestly scared you but the rage was taking over, fueling your shaky hands as you continued your little speech, “How people like you exist in this world is beyond me. Even more is how monsters like you get away with it. But don’t worry, you won’t ever again.” 

In a flash, you stuck the paper to his chest and used the staple gun to send short metal prongs into his pectoral muscle, tacking the label to his skin painfully. He screamed out in pain as the metal curled beneath his skin but it was muffled by the tape, inaudible to the neighbors in every direction. 

“Now, you get to stay here until somebody finds you and when they do, they’ll see you for what you are. If I ever hear that you put your hands on another person again, I don’t give a damn who it is, I’ll come back and tattoo it across your fucking forehead. Or I’ll just kill you.” You shrugged before leaning in, your forehead nearly touching his, “But remember that I found you this time. Finding you again will be even easier.” 

You made your way to the window, stepping out, “Sleep tight.” 

**

“Today’s top story, another victim of the vigilante taking out abusers and rapists. This time, a woman named Hillary Times was found tied to the kitchen table of her Queens apartment with a paper that says, quote ‘Don’t trust the babysitter’ end quote, stapled to her chest. Along with the note was included multiple pages of messages between Times and several children, all under the age of fifteen. Also provided was a link to a web forum dedicated to child pornography, which has led to the arrests of not only Miss Times but four other suspects. Times sustained minor injuries in the attack and is expected to make a full recovery. She is the latest victim of what news articles are calling the Midnight Angel. Some are making them out to be a hero while others see it as a violent rampage. What is the truth? We’ll leave that up to you. Now, onto sports…” 

Peter watched the news play on his computer screen while he suited up for his nightly patrol as Spiderman. He couldn’t lie, he was actually sort of impressed by this Midnight Angel person, whoever they were. As long as they were only hurting bad people, he didn’t see a problem with it. Besides, he was no better. He was just some kid acting like a vigilante in the night, just like the Midnight Angel. Just like all the Avengers were before they were an organized collective. 

He swung out the window and out into the bustling New York City night. Even at midnight, the song rang true. It was the city that never slept. 

Peter went through his usual routine, swinging around, looking for any sign of distress. He didn’t find any after looking for at least an hour, which was actually disappointing. It wasn’t that Peter wanted anyone to be getting murdered or robbed or what have you but he always craved a bit of action. Tonight was just one of those rare calm nights where he found himself sitting on the ledge of a tall apartment building, swinging his legs over the edge in boredom. 

Or so he thought. 

It was quiet at first- so quiet that he wouldn’t have heard it without his exceptional senses. It came through at first as a tip tap tip tap of something against metal. Peter couldn’t tell exactly what it was but his senses told him it was coming from a few dozen feet below him, still in the same building. 

Crawling along the side of the building, he crept in the shadows until he saw the source of the noise. You swung your body gracefully over the edge of the fire escape and crouched down at the window before taking something from your pocket. What it was, Peter couldn't tell from where he was but it got his blood pumping in anticipation. Home invasion. It had been a long time since he'd dealt with one of these and they always got interesting. 

He watched as you slid the window open and crawled through the port, disappearing into the apartment like a shadow in the night. Peter continued crawling down the building another four stories until he saw the open window you used to enter. 

It was unnervingly quiet at first, though he could hear your light footsteps pattering down the halls, almost imperceptibly. Peaking in, he noticed the main room was empty, apart from typical living room and dining room furniture. The kitchen was directly across from the window, only separated from the living room by a little bar, but his hearing was piqued in the direction of the short hallway to his right. 

Suddenly, there was a thud and the sound of a muffled struggle from down in that direction. Peter rushed down and burst into the bedroom to see you straddling a man on the ground, who it looked like you had just pulled out of bed. He was face down and struggling as you roughly pulled his head up by a gag cloth you had in his mouth that you were struggling to tie. 

"Shut up!" You hissed, smacking the man upside the head. He didn't and only struggled more. 

Peter jumped into the action, immediately helping the man in distress. Before you could even process what was happening, the boy shot a web at you and flung you into the wall roughly. You hit it with a thud and crumbled to the ground. 

What the hell?! 

With a pained groan, you leap to your feet and lunged to grab the man you had pinned, now trying to make a desperate escape. Now that you didn't have the advantage of the target being groggy from sleep, he kicked you in the face roughly with his sock covered feet. You retracted just enough to cover your face with your arms but this allowed for him to scramble away. 

"Don't worry sir! I'm here to help!" A boy's voice called out from the doorway. When you looked up, you saw none other than Spiderman. This meant you were either going to get help or were really fucked. Sure, you had computer skills and martial arts training but he had sticky webs and super strength. 

"Get him!" You called out to Spiderman, desperate not to lose your target. 

Peter stood confused. You demanded his help as if it were an obvious move. Why would a robber expect him to help? Maybe something else was going on… 

When he didn't move, the man shoved past him, desperate to get to the front door, "Please let me go! Help me out Spiderman! This person just broke in and attacked me!" 

You ran after, quickly tackling the man to the ground. He threw punch after punch your way but you swiftly dodged all but one. The one that landed sent you to your ass, falling backwards heavily. 

“Shut up you pathetic sack of shit! You think your exes got help when you beat them?" You spat, venom in your words as you maneuvered have him pinned for a third time.

Those words made it click to Peter. "You're the Midnight Angel?" 

"Yes! Now help me or get out of my way!" Under normal circumstances, you were much nicer but currently you were struggling immensely to keep this guy under control. Manners were not your top priority. 

Peter didn't need much time to contemplate. With a flick of his wrist he had the guy caught in a web and held in place. "What should I do?" Peter didn't know why he felt so clueless. Didn't he do this crap every night? He should know how to capture a bad guy. But because you were involved, he felt like an accomplice to a crime and it made him nervous. The way you handled things seemed so much darker than the way he did. 

The guy was only held by his chest by the webs, his arms free. He took the opportunity to grab at you and pulled your mask down. You gasped in horror and your first instinct was to send a mean left hook to the man's head, effectively sending him to the ground, unconscious, before he could get a good look at you. You just hoped he hadn’t gotten a good enough look at you to describe you to police. 

"Wait, Y/N?!" You froze. How could Spiderman know who you are? And why did the way he said your name sound so familiar…

"How do you know who I am?" You asked defensively, quickly pulling your mask back over your face. 

Peter stiffened, realizing that by acknowledging he knew you put his identity at risk to, and began to babble, "Oh, did I- sorry, you just look like someone I met one time but you're not them so don't worry. My bad, all my bad." 

The rambling with the voice… it all began to connect in your head. "Peter?" 

Peter's blood went cold, "What? No. You must have me confused with someone else." 

"Oh my gosh! Peter Parker, are you Spiderman?" You whisper-yelled to make sure the neighbors couldn't hear. It all made sense. You were casual friends with the boy, both doing Academic Decathlon. Your strength was more computers while he seemed to specialize in engineering but you still had three classes together and just happened to sit by each other in all of them. "All the Decathlons you missed, showing up to school with mysterious injuries, crushing everything in gym class, and the Stark internship! Everything makes sense!" 

He stepped towards you waving his arms desperately, "Shhh you can't tell anyone!" 

You shrugged, looking almost indignantly at him, "Of course, I won't tell. You can't say anything about me either though." Did he really think so low of you? 

"No, no, of course not." He stammered. The room went silent and you both sort of shifted back and forth on your feet. 

Eventually, you gestured to the unconscious man on the floor, "Well, uh, I better finish up with all this. You can stay or go or whatever. But I'm not gonna steal anything so you don't have to worry about actual crimes being committed here if you leave." 

"As if sneaking into a guy's apartment and beating him senseless before stringing him up with rope and stapling a note to his body isn't a crime?" He pointed out, only a hint of sarcasm in his voice. 

Your brows furrowed, "It’s punishing bad guys. You do the same thing!" 

"I know, I know, I was joking!" He defended, making you retreat slightly. You didn't mean to sound hostile, your nerves were just high after being discovered. After a brief pause, he asked ,"So, uh, you need help with that?" Peter gestured to the man, whose face was now swelling immensely 

You shrugged, thinking of the rope in your backpack and knowing it would be easier to let Peter help, with his super strength and all, considering this particular man had to have at least a hundred and fifty pounds on you. Using the moving momentum of someone significantly bigger than you was one thing. Hoisting up the dead weight of one was drastically different. "If you wouldn't mind." 

Peter nodded, almost excited to help. "So where do we begin? This is your thing." 

"Usually I tie them up and threaten them a little. Get a few hits in if I'm feeling generous. Then I staple a list of evidence against them to their chest and run off into the night." You rubbed your neck awkwardly, looking down at the man who was on the ground with twisted lips, "This didn't quite go the way it normally does…" 

Peter thought for a moment, "I think I have an idea." 

***

The coffee shop bustled around the table that you, Ned, MJ, and Peter all sat around. A cup of jasmine tea steamed on the table beside your open AP Chemistry textbook and study guide for the upcoming Decathlon. The group felt comfortable despite it being the first time you'd studied with only them. While you had always been casual friends with all three peers, you hadn't actually started hanging out until recently. That is, until after you and Peter found out about each other's secrets. It was amazing how discovering a friend was a secret vigilante really brought a pair together. 

"How are you doing on the astronomy section, Peter?" Ned asked from across the table, leaning over his AP World History textbook. Each of you had taken a different subject to work on. 

Peter picked up his copy of the study guide, which he'd scribbled notes all over, "Uh, I have all the notes on Titan I could manage from the book and I’m moving onto the gravities of different planets but-" 

"Wait, shh!" MJ silenced the group of you suddenly without explanation. 

"What?" You asked, trying to hear what she was talking about but not hearing anything other than the shop's ambience. 

She pointed up to the TV playing in the far corner that could barely be heard over the constant murmur of voices but the subtitles were easy to read from the close distance. A woman read the newest story from the teleprompter as you all watched, “Breaking news, yet another alleged victim of the Midnight Angel has been found, this time in Jackson Heights. However, this time, there’s a twist. 39 year old Philip Meeks was found strung up hanging between his apartment building and the convenience store across the street, over the middle of the busy road by spiderwebs. This appears to be the work of Spiderman, which has never been seen before at any of the previous crime scenes. Mr. Meeks was found alive and in stable condition with a seven page long list of reported incidents against him, filed by fifteen different men and women claiming to be previous partners of his, stapled to his chest. These accusations range from verbal abuse to sexual assault. 

Mr. Meeks is now in custody and his crimes are being investigated by police. The bigger question now is who is the Midnight Angel? Has this been Spiderman the entire time? Or are they two vigilantes now working together?” 

Her co-anchor turned to her, “Well, Jill, I sure hope we find some answers soon.” 

“Me too.” She agreed, flipping through the papers on her desk. 

There was an awkward moment where you, Peter, and Ned all exchanged a quick knowing glance while MJ’s back was turned. Ned’s eyes got wide when he realized that you were in on everything somehow and his mouth opened in a silent plea for some bit of information. As far as Ned knew, he was the only one who knew about Peter’s secret. What the hell did you have to do with anything? 

MJ turned and let out a heavy sigh, you, Ned, and Peter all quickly returning to a neutral ignorant facade. “I don’t usually look up to people but I think the Midnight Angel is my hero.” 

You snorted, “Why’s that?” You questioned innocently. 

“Why wouldn’t they be? All these twisted sickos out there go around abusing and assaulting people and get away with it because of our victim-blaming ‘justice’ system,” she added air quotes, “It’s about time somebody tracked these fuckers down and made them pay,” She leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms, looking off dreamily, “I think I want to marry them.” 

“You don’t even know who they are.” Ned’s pointed out. 

MJ just waved away the concern, “Don’t care. That’s the energy I need in my life.” 

You just chuckled inwardly to yourself and though, Alright, guess we’re getting married. Peter looked over to you with a similar look, laughing at the same thought himself. 

“So do you guys think it’s all Spiderman?” You asked, just to look less suspicious, though Ned still looked like he was catching on. 

MJ shook her head, “No, not a chance. Why wouldn’t he have used his webs in the other eight attacks then?” Suddenly, she jolted and began scribbling on a notebook page. 

“What are you doing?” Peter peeked over her shoulder to try and decipher the scribbles, failing when MJ’s hair fell to block his view. 

“I’m gonna figure out who they are.” She announced proudly. “Because I know they are not the same person.”

Peter shrugged, panicking internally, “There’s like eight million people in New York City. I don’t think you-” 

“Sure in the whole city but all the attacks have been local to Queens. Same with Spiderman sightings. I’m guessing they live here in Queens, which brings our pool down to like 2 million people. Spiderman is apparently male, which further cuts that number in half, and we don’t know about the Midnight Angel because nobody has ever seen them. From there, we can look at Spiderman’s build and eliminate people who are overweight, underweight, and super tall…” MJ continued rambling on about her masterplan to discover the identities of Spiderman and her new hero, the Midnight Angel. 

You and Peter looked across the table at each other, your leg bouncing nervously. While MJ’s plan seemed ludicrous considering the millions of possibilities she had to sort through, you knew how smart she was. There was a possibility, no matter how slim, that she could actually figure this out. Peter seemed to know this as well. 

Would it be better to come clean now or wait and see if she figured it out? Concerns for the future of the Midnight Angel whirled through your mind but one thing was for sure: regardless of whether or not Ned and MJ found out your secret, the Midnight Angel would never disappear. 

#spiderman #Spiderman drabble #spiderman imagine #Spider-Man: Homecoming #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker one shot #marvel #Avengers #avengers imagines

[rangergirl3]

The thing I hate most about having C-PTSD is...well, the roller-coaster aspect.

I’ll have a few good days, sometimes all in a row, where I’ll actually feel sort of relaxed, but then I’ll come across something that (seems/is/would) be perfectly non-threatening but it’ll catapult me back to a very bad event in my life and I’ll end up needing to take in several deep breaths/go on a walk/try to make a cup of tea without spilling everything everywhere because my hands are shaking. 

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Some trauma details mentioned below the line; please proceed with caution

TW: Mentions of sexual assault 

I’ll just be going about my day and then someone will mention that they’re going in for a medical checkup and my freaking brain will jump right back to when I was ten years old and woke up mid-tonsillectomy, and then I’m treated to a front-row seat the real reason as to why waking up with tubes down my throat terrified me enough to kick the nurse/doctor nearest to me in the stomach.

I mean, sure, I had/have abusive parents who I no longer speak to, but that wasn’t why I freaked out so badly on the operating table that they secured me with four-point restraints until I was out of recovery. (Grinds teeth and puts on sarcastic voice). Yeah, great idea, doc. I was ten years old and couldn’t talk because I’d just gotten out of oral surgery. There was no one around when I woke up, so I totally didn’t feel like I’d done something wrong or was never going to see the sun again. *attempts to remember calm breathing exercises*

I am a survivor of childhood rape. I repressed the memories for literal decades, but my body remembered a lot of it. It was awful, painful, and I couldn’t breathe for most of it because the sick bastard forced oral sex on me. It hurt, a lot, and the whole idea was that I wasn’t worth listening to.

Guess what brought this latest panic attack on.

It was a comic strip about how some people’s opinions aren’t worth hearing.

I Mean, sure, there are several jackasses who I have on what I call ‘permanent mute’ — Trump being one of them (I would even go so far as to call him a turd). But, I just - I really, really freak out at the idea of anyone being physically restrained from speaking. 

It’s different if it takes place in the context of a story, because I can put the story down and walk away, if I need to, or I can even just sit back and remind myself that it’s okay, no one’s actually in danger here in the real world. 

But coming across it in a comic strip, or in a ‘real news’ story - it just makes me feel so sick and scared, and that’s just when someone being gagged is mentioned in passing.

If anyone straight up makes a ‘joke’ or a reference to oral sex, I’m usually much worse off. I know it’s not necessarily meant in a mean way, or anything, but it really messes with me. Sometimes I just feel queasy and have to distract myself. Other times, I do my best to hold it together until I can hide somewhere and cry.

It’s just...really frustrating, to have to deal with all these feelings that I didn’t understand for so long. It makes for some really long days, and very unpleasant nightmares.

I’m not saying the people who make those kind of jokes are necessarily being insensitive, not at all. It’s just - it’s really difficult sometimes. I’m lucky enough to be able to process all this stuff in a safe place, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

It’s sort of like trying to file paperwork that’s trying to eat you. It’s all fine once you’re able to get it into the filing cabinet, but up until then you’re trying not to lose an arm to the Monster Book of Monsters (HP reference there)

This post is a bit longer than I meant it to be. Um...I do love encouraging messages from friends, or platonic hugs <3 <3 Or even just a ‘like’. It helps me feel like I’m not alone (on the really rough days). <3

#c-ptsd #urgh I was having such a good...day? Couple of hours? <3

[dxmedstudent]

*sensitive content* Do you know anyone who were sexually assaulted? A few days ago on holiday I was ( I don't know whether it was attempted or an actual rape) he essentially penetrated but not completely because I started crying. I said No beforehand to sex but was willing to do other stuff (I was also very drunk) and don't remember much of the night. I don't know what to think or how to react to the entire situation because I've never been in such a situation since I've been blessed. Part1

My friends feel guilty and tried their best to stop me going but I was stubborn and hence really really blame myself. They still feel guilty and don't know what to say or how to talk to me about it and i just feel so alone. I'm relieved he didn't completely go in but still feel taken advantage of and hate that i have to live with this for the rest of my life. I want to think I can move on from it and heal from it completely but reading stuff online, apparently this is permanent.

**WARNING: DISCUSSION OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND SEXUAL ABUSE**

I’m so, so sorry that this happened to you. It shouldn’t have, and it’s not fair, and it’s not right. And there will only ever be one person to blame for this; the person who sexually assaulted you when you were, as you say, very drunk, and made it clear you didn’t want penetrative sex. Many, many people experience sexual assault over the course of their lives; the figure is something like 1 in 4 women. We ALL know lots of people who have been sexually assaulted. It’s just not something most people talk about, so it’s not very obvious. It comes out when people trust you, and when they feel ready to share their stories. There are lots of stories out there we never hear because people are afraid of judgement or abuse if they share their experiences. A lot of us are taught to blame ourselves, and I don’t feel that I have any authority to order you not to, when that is the first thing most of us do whenever anything bad happens to us, even when we are victimised by others. But you are not to blame, and I don’t think it’s fair or kind to you if you blame yourself. There will be a lot of feelings for you to unpack, and it may take a while for you to really understand how you feel about it all. That is not unusual.It’s not 100% true that things feel the same forever; our feelings are complex and evolving, and we all process trauma differently with time. We can’t undo what happened, and many events, including assault can have a big impact on us; I don’t want to minimise that. But what happened to you was very recent, and it’s hard to tell how it will affect you in the future. But things can and do get better.  I recommend seeking help; counselling or therapy can be an important part of working through difficult feelings. Every person deals with things differently, and so there’s no one answer for ‘how will this affect me in the future’. You don’t have to go it alone, though. It’s OK to take someone with you, if you need to.

Everyone is different, being sexually assaulted can affect people in different ways, and there’s no ‘right’ way to deal with the fallout. You’re not ‘weak’ if you go to pieces. When people we trust mistreat us, it can make us feel that it was our fault, and hurt our minds as well as our bodies. That’s why therapy or counselling (or medical treatment, if there’s PTSD, depression, anxiety) can be really helpful. Please don’t suffer alone. You are more than what happened to you, and you are worth fighting for. You are not dirty or broken or damaged because of what happened; the only person sullied by such an act is the rapist. To answer your question, one of my best friends was emotionally and sexually abused by her then boyfriend, before I knew her, and it left a lot of scars for her to deal with for a long time. But she’s made a lot of progress in terms of how she processes what happened. It doesn’t make what happened OK, and she is still sometimes triggered by stuff, and still has a lot of things to work through. But she’s better than how she was, and she doesn’t blame herself any more. I know people who were abused by partners who went on to have new partners and loving, mutually fulfilling consensual sex, it doesn’t define your body or your sexuality, or your future relationships. Depending on what happened, and the fallout, recovery can sometimes be more difficult and there are all sorts of factors that go into how people cope afterwards. Everyone is different. I’m glad that your friends are trying to help, though it’s clear that it’s a very hurtful situation for you, and therefore it’s hard for them to know what to do/say.  It can help to talk to people you trust/love about it. Sometimes talking to parents, to friends, to people we trust helps. And usually those people try hard to support us, perhaps not perfectly, but they do their best. However, sometimes people aren’t very understanding or kind about people who have been victims of sexual assault. No matter what anyone says, it was never your fault, you weren’t asking for it, and you aren’t alone. I don’t know if you’ve considered seeking legal advice; I don’t know whether I can ever recommend going to the police, because the way that victims are treated by police varies so much in different countries, and sometimes it’s not the best option for victims at that time in their lives. If you are somewhere where there’s a realistic chance of them helping, it might be an option for you to consider, and evidence usually has to be collected as soon as possible. However, going to the police is also a very draining process and lots of people can’t countenance it at the time. I also want to remind you that, perhaps further down the line, it would be a good idea to get tested for sexually transmitted infections, even though things didn’t happen for very long; it’d put your mind at ease from that point of view.

I really hope you feel better, soon. I hope you are surrounded by people who understand and support you, and I hope the hurt fades. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’d be happy to hear from you. I’m so sorry, anon, you deserve so much better than what happened to you.

[glorious-sea-pancakes]

To people wondering why Captive Prince is beloved

Alright so I know a lot of people think that captive prince, the book series, is problematic. The whole thing is hotly debated. 

As someone who loves the series fiercely and doesn’t think that it is problematic, I wanted to put in my two cents to the debate... because a lot of people who explain why it is a good series often fall short and don’t really explain adequately in my opinion. If I were someone on the fence that read a lot of the explanations I've seen, I wouldn’t be particularly convinced or happy. So I’ll do my best to articulate what I mean.

EDIT: wow this is long. Sorry? 

EDIT EDIT: And in retrospect the only thing I see with Captive Prince that actually does bother me is the lack of female characters. This is very much a male dominated story. But you know what? That’s a pretty small gripe because I’m cool with a boy-focused story. Plus it has an awesome gay power couple as the main characters.

HOKAY so first: A lot of people try too hard to avoid any kind of spoilers that they keep it TOO vague. So, without spoilers, I’m gonna be a little clearer 

Thing One: The premise.

Damen is a warrior hero to his people, and the rightful heir to the throne of Akielos. But when his half brother seizes power, Damen is captured, stripped of his identity, and sent to serve the prince of an enemy nation as a pleasure slave. Beautiful, manipulative, and deadly, his new master, Prince Laurent, epitomizes the worst of the court at Vere. But in the lethal political web of the Veretian court, nothing is as it seems, and when Damen finds himself caught up in a play for the throne, he must work together with Laurent to survive and save his country. For Damen, there is just one rule: never, ever reveal his true identity. Because the one man Damen needs is the one man who has more reason to hate him than anyone else…

With this alone, I can see why people get the wrong idea. At a glance you think it’ll be a Stockholm syndrome kinkfest with tons of rape and Fifty Shades of Grey consent issues--hence it being problematic.

However, I am telling you right here and now, the two main characters hate each other’s guts. Laurent would sooner break his own fingers than touch Damen. The two main characters have sex and a romance eventually, but it isn’t until they develop real respect wwwayy later. Ridiculously later. By the time those two hold hands you’ve been screaming for entire books kiss already!

Sooo, the first thing that I assumed when I picked Captive Prince was that there would be immediate hate sex, but I am halfway book 2 and the sex is nowhere to be seen and instead I am so caught up in the political intrigue that I don’t even care-- cosetteferaud

They are physically attracted from the beginning, true, but they hate so strongly that they couldn’t be bothered to take much interest in pretty faces.

Damen frowned. Laurent was a nest of scorpions in the body of one person. Torveld looked at him and saw a buttercup.

So, no, this isn’t a stokholm kinkfest.

Things in this summary you should focus on: Not just the pleasure slave thing.

The real focus is on the political intrigue and twisty politicking with EXTREMELY slowburn romance on the side.

The first book is widely known as the darkest of the three. In places it is hard to read but you DO have to read it to fully appreciate the second and third books. You must know what is at stake, get plot threads going, really see what they’re working so hard for. Gotta meet the villain and understand why they’re so bad. You need that dark first book understand why they end up loving so deeply. You need to see them at their worst. And on that note, their worst…

Thing Two: Their hatred.

I mean it when I say they have anger and hate. The chasm yawning between them is an ugly one.

So Laurent haaaAAATES Damen. He treats Damen like garbage. And Damen hates him because of it. Laurent is actively TRYING to be a dick. He’s aware that he’s doing things that are mean. Laurent is trying to put down someone he genuinely sees as an enemy. So, yeah, Laurent does Problematic things. However that’s… to be expected? When you hate someone’s guts? If your goal is to make sure someone hates you there are some pretty clear ways to achieve that. He doesn’t want to like Damen. If you wince and think that, ouch, that was cruel and charged with a lot of ugly implications: know that Laurent is fully aware and is eyes open trying to create distance between them by using those things deliberately. You won’t completely know the why until later in the series. 

A thing to remember: you don’t yet know his motivations.

To me, the most important thing is not what the characters say or do but how the author frames those things.

When Laurent does something conniving or insults people: the reader, Damen, and the author all understand he’s being a dick. The author isn’t glorifying Laurent’s behavior. That means everything. She NEVER excuses them for what they do. You’re meant to look on the bad things that happen and agree that oh, no, that was a bad thing.

Characters should be able to do bad things otherwise what is the point of the story? Not every book can be conflict free coffee shop aus. If you only want to read problem free stories like that, this is NOT the series for you.

More than that, there’s value in discussing the dark things like the ones that this book discusses. There’s value in seeing people hate and attempt to destroy each other. I’m serious!

When Laurent says something nasty you’re meant to be like OOF LAURENT OW not ‘Oh the author believes this and wants people to be like this.’ Because that would be dumb? People should be able to talk about real life issues and problematic stuff without being equated as sermons. Because if you believe that even depicting the Bad Thing is gonna spread it, then you’re silencing education about the Bad Thing that could allow people to avoid and learn from it. Censorship does not encourage equality, it encourages ignorance. Censorship and purist ideology just denies that people, good people, can do bad things. It also denies the knowledge that Badguys are human.

One of the reasons I love storytelling so much is because it is the number one way to think about and discuss difficult topics that happen in the real world all the time. I’m sorry, you can’t escape reality. It is out there. Constantly. We need to think about and see these bad things and create a conversation about them to understand them. On a cultural level, storytelling is how we learn and frame opinions. We started out telling myths through oral tradition around campfires to explain and teach—what makes novels any different? Novels are one of many modern-day oral tradition adaptions. You must appreciate that for what it is.

Captive Prince is no exception.

Thing Three: The Virtues (AKA why you should read it)

-Srslyarts

This is a mature book. It discusses sex and has graphic smut. It discusses rape. It discusses pedophilia. People die. The author condones NONE of these things. But, more than anything, she also managed to capture delicious, thorny, complex, hard to explain pain of emotional conflict. Which is so hard to write. And that emotional pain and complexity is so interesting and beautiful.

This is a book about hurting others the way you’ve been hurt. It’s about abuse, recovery, redemption, forgiveness. Its about privilege, growing up too quickly, entitlement, sexual objectification, slavery, having no choice, responsibility, putting your past in perspective, realizing the people you hate are human, realizing you were wrong, realizing people aren’t who you thought they were, that you’ve made mistakes, realizing you don’t like the person you used to be, learning how much you’re willing to give up. It talks about abuse survivors who don’t get sad but become angry instead. It’s about the long-term effects, the vulnerabilities, of abuse. It’s about good people doing bad things. It’s about falling in love with someone who has done the unforgivable and being terrified of it. This novel does not take the easy way out on anything.

The emotional complexity in this book is gorgeous. I’ve heard so many people say they were moved deeply by Laurent because they saw themselves in him.

More than that, this book is intelligently written. All the political intrigue, the focus of the story, is SO SMART. Seriously. I predicted so little. Normally when I crack open a book I can generally see where a story is going and what is implied way before the reveal. But these characters are wickedly smart and four steps ahead of you as a reader. And you get to see their thought process!! I’ve noticed a lot of authors will tiptoe around the How of characters outsmarting people because they can’t figure it out themselves. Myself included. Not this story. You see every step of Laurent’s spider web being woven and the hand Damen has in it. Pacat is incredibly intelligent and it shows through her characters.

Laurent is quick as a whip and sees through everything—I never would have noticed half of the things he sees. Nor would I be able to prepare and respond so well. It is so cool seeing him explain what is happening politically.  

Its even better because you’re reading from the perspective of Damen. Damen is a prince and a strategist. Damen is a master military man. However social subtleties aren’t his forte and a lot goes right over his head but not yours. Damen is notoriously honorable and oblivious. He thinks he knows what is going on but you will stop and squint. Even still, in the end both you and him are shocked silly by what actually happens. Moreover, Damen is a wonderful person and it is really cool being in his head. He’s every bit the noble prince who is quiet, thoughtful, serious, and honorable to a fault. He’s also a brat and inwardly very snarky despite being so good natured. 

The writing style is delicate and eloquent. She remains consistent with lingo fitting for the time. And, honestly, the humor is super dry and I flipping love it.

Lastly. It is a truly good love story. For how ugly their relationship started Lamen ends up becoming one of the healthiest most loving and sweet I’ve read.

PS: We don’t deserve Charls the Veretian Cloth Merchant or Damen’s left cheek dimple.

-typohime

And, finally, a word from the author:

#Captive prince #discourse

[dovahfem]

“The Husband Stitch”

I am going to try and make this my last post about the ‘husband stitch’ as i’m getting a lot of backlash for it. 

No, i did not source the first post. I was angry and made a flippant statement about how i had just learned about it. Yes, i did my own research, and i provided several sources within the comments sections to people who wanted to play the source game, something that usually happens in discussions about women’s trauma and abuse.

Here are the sources i personally found.

THE “HUSBAND’S STITCH”: UNNECESSARY EPISIOTOMIES AND THE WOMEN WHO HATE THEM

Portion from the article: “The official name for this procedure is an “episiotomy.” Routine episiotomies are no longer recommended, but many argue they are still performed too often. And women are getting pissed off about it. Recently The Huffington Post ran a story about several women who felt their episiotomies were unnecessary, painful and harmful. One of the women was Babble blogger Rebecca Woolf, who has been a vocal opponent of routine snipping:“My episiotomy was not slight. It was severe and not only did it take me weeks before I could pee without crying, but it took me a year before I stopped itching my crotch. It was like a yeast-infection on speed as it was healing. Not fun at all. Not only that, but it STILL doesn’t feel the same down there. He cut through the muscle tissue so the whole vag-area feels just very funky and sad.”

The Huffington Post:  Episiotomy, Once ‘A Little Snip’ Childbirth Routine, Curbed By New Guidelines

Portion from the article: “People were taught in the ‘50s and ‘60s that routine episiotomy was good for the woman,” said Dr. Robert Barbieri, chair of obstetrics and gynecology and reproductive biology at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. “What they thought is that if they did a routine episiotomy, they’d have a chance to repair it and that during the repair, they could actually create a better perineum than if they hadn’t done it. The idea [was] that we could ‘tighten things up.’”By the 1980s, episiotomies were being performed in more than 60 percent of vaginal births in the U.S., which is when researchers started to take a harder look at the practice as part of a broader shift toward ensuring decisions about patient care were backed by scientific research.Clinical trials conducted in the ‘80s and ‘90s found that episiotomy cuts can, in fact, turn into even deeper lacerations during delivery, damaging the area around the rectum. Then, in 2005, a sweeping review published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found no benefits to routine episiotomy. A year later, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists issued new guidelines, saying that episiotomy during labor should be restricted because doctors had previously underestimated the risk of bad outcomes later on, such as painful sex and possible incontinence.”

Skeptics.stackexchange.com post discussing the “Husband Stitch”

Portion from the forum: “Vaginal tightening surgery has been around since the mid fifties, where gynecologists used to tighten the entrance of a woman’s vagina with an extra stitch while repairing vaginal and perineum tears or episiotomies after giving birth. At that time it was notoriously known as the “husband’s stitch,” the “husband’s knot,” or the “vaginal tuck,” and doctors discreetly referred to this procedure as “improving a woman’s well-being.”The goal of these procedures is to reconstruct (or to narrow) the lower third of the vagina, which includes “the orgasmic platform, internal and external vaginal diameter (introitus) and the perineal body.” The procedure enhances vaginal muscle tone strength and control, and decreases internal and external vaginal diameters. Women choosing to have their vaginas tightened are generally healthy women without true functional disorders. In vaginal tightening procedures, portions of mucosa are excised from the vaginal fornices (via scalpel, needle electrode, or laser) to surgically “tighten” the lower third of the vagina.The article cites “Green F. From clitoridectomies to ‘designer vaginas’: The medical construction of heteronormative female bodies and sexuality through female genital cutting. Sexualities Evolution and Gender. 2005;7(2):153–187” as a reference.A 2004 (and 2011 edition of a) book titled, Pregnancy Sucks: What to do when your miracle makes you miserable, by Joanne Kimes and Leslie Young MD, notes:I do have a secret to let you in on. Some doctors suture your abdominal muscles together again after delivery if you need a C-section. I’ve also heard that doctors can add an extra stitch if you tear during delivery to tighten yo your vagina (known as a “husband stitch”!). I guess having a baby is as good an excuse as any to have a little work done.The use of episiotomy during childbirth appears to still be prevalent which could indicate that husband stitches might also still be around. A “birth log” from the ‘90s (via Snopes) suggests that the practice was perhaps—based on the tone of the article—routinely in use then. Furthermore, the fact that techniques such as vaginal rejuvenation (example) and other solutions such as “vaginal tightening creams” (an astroturfing example) exist, suggest that a corresponding market also exists.

A forum on Mothering.com discussing the “Husband Stitch”

Portions from the forum:  “ My mom mentioned this to me once…she said that sex was VERY uncomfortable for her after this–and she said to NEVER let them stitch you tighter than you are–the skin there is supposed to be elastic–it will go back (especially with kegels)…my dad even mentioned it to me once…so…just know that stitching yourself, or having yourself stitched tighter than you are when you give birth is a BAD idea!”

“I’d heard the term a long time ago, a couple of different ways actually. Earlier this year, I attended a birth whre not only did the dr. do it,she laughed about it while she told the parents about it. I was FLOORED. I guess the only “good” thing about it was that at least she forewarned them that it was going to be extra tight, so they wouldn’t be surprised to find out the hard way. I felt sooo bad for her. The wierd thing is, I’ve seen this same OB do a couple other stitch jobs andshe doesn’t always do the “husband stitch”. I think its sad that “tight” is so desired that drs will go so far asto surgically make it tighter after they are the ones that destroyed it. Kind of like if I burn down your house thencome over to rebuild it.”

There is also an article on http://www.mamabirth.com/2013/07/the-husband-stitch.html

Portion from the article: “Here are some quotes from women about their experiences with the husband stitch.

"I wasn't right til my second baby stretched me back to normal, I decided that OB's who attempt that stitch have no idea how vagina's work, tightening the skin does not tighten the vagina...

No nothing about the stitching was explained except that I had been "laced back up," but it was very clear that too much skin had been stitched back together. Three days postpartum some of my stitches pulled, most excruciating pain in my life. At my 6 week check up I still wasn't healed but was told "I looked great considering..." Not comforting!!! Sex was impossible for 3 months, bearable by 6... most women think having a baby will ruin you, but having another baby fixed me. It's possible this was a mistake, but if you don't let anyone cut you there's no room for mistakes or any extra stitch work.

My poor husband was always so worried about hurting me... Husband stitches hurt husbands too."

"I got a hubby stitch, it was not right till next baby lots of lube creative positioning, never too fast (jerk doctor) I seriously had a pleat in my perineum.

Yeah it was terrible, forceps giant epsiotomy but doc said no worries it will be "better" than before... what the? I was clueless.

I had a a mediolateral episiotomy (I suspect second degree) with a forceps delivery no idea if necessary because I only pushed on my own for about 15 mins. Then it felt like he brought my perineum back completely over each other so that I had some tissue that poked back into my vagina. Imagine a pleat in pencil skirt. Healing was bearable but sex in the traditional missionary position was not comfortable I almost had to be on top and angled forward far and sex had to be slow or it would give me small cuts at the scar, if that happened we couldn't have sex again for at least a week- so it always made sex sort of stressful with my husband asking a lot "is this ok". Mood. killer.  

My doc was old school too! I don't necessarily know my feelings about the term birth rape but I would not have agreed to how he altered my body, stitching skin over top of skin is not repairing - my perineum is not your canvas."

"I was given the husband stitch.....my provider was a midwife (hospital birth). It was absolutely horrific. I was told nothing. First I was given an episiotomy that I didn't know about and then I was given the husband stitch without knowing about it. I found out about it way after the fact when I learned more and realized what had been done to me. Recovery seemingly took forever and I couldn't believe how much it hurt just to sit down. My husband and I couldn't have sex successfully without excruciating pain for months. I had no idea why. I would cry and cry and cry. I was a virgin when we got married and the husband stitch was WAY more difficult and painful than first-time-intercourse. (And for me, the first time was a challenge...) I vaguely recall her saying during my birth "And we're just going to get the baby out a little faster." Then she cut me. (I didn't know this, my husband told me later. He saw it happen all too fast to stop.) When she did the husband stitch she said, "And this one is just for your husband." At the time I had no idea what she was talking about. Like I said.... I figured it all out in retrospect. My husband said that he found no pleasure in 'the husband stitch' and it did absolutely nothing for him."

"I didn't know I was getting one as part of a third degree tear repair, I only found out months later when I was being investigated for painful sex, amongst other things. I don't know why anyone would ever choose to have one. It has ruined our sex life. "

" I had it done to me. My daughter was born 28 yrs ago at U of M. I was 18 and had never even seen the man catching my baby because that's the way it worked at that time. He was rude and completely disrespectful. My daughter had slid completely back up and he pulled her out with forceps causing such bad tearing it took 3 hrs to repair. When he finished, he stood, started towards the door while snapping off the gloves and said he did my husband a favor. I found out from the nurse what that meant. I could only have sex in one way otherwise it was excruciating and even that one way was uncomfortable. It wasn't until the birth of my second child that it was remedied."

"I had an episiotomy with my first baby (that I didn't consent to....the doctor just did it and informed me AS she was doing it). Then after, she sewed me up too tight. Sex hurt for 6 months afterward. At first it was so excruciating we couldn't even do it. I was in tears every time we tried for a couple of months. When I went in for my check-up, I told the doctor about it (a different doctor), and he said, "Well then let's stretch you out a bit." as he cranked on the speculum to make it bigger. (It was inside of me at the time and was already painful. That's why I brought it up with him.) I almost passed out from the pain."

I understand that there are many people who believe this to be a myth, and that one of the sources about it that pops up when you google it, is a piece of feminist writing that is fiction.

But this is really happening to women, i believe that piece of fiction was born from truth. Women are coming forward and saying they had this happen to them in droves, the same thing was happening on my original post which caused such a stir. Read the stories on that post. Read the stories you find in online forums. Listen to the women who have had this procedure performed on them without their consent.

BELIEVE WOMEN.

#feminism #the husband stitch #believe women #abuse mention #medical abuse #my mouthwords #long post

[praximeter]

Any stucky classics I can read. I am new to the fandom n all.

Hi nonnie! Welcome to the greatest fandom on earth. 😉 And thanks for writing in!

I sure do have some fic recs for you. Not sure what your jam is, so I’m gonna list out a couple of my favorites and you can go to town. Also, check out my fic recs tag! 

Classic Stucky Fic Recs under the cut! And also, you should definitely check out the Influential Fics for New Readers post over at @thestuckylibrary​.

to memory now I can’t recall by Etharei

Rating: Explicit | Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Additional Tags: Time Travel, World War II, Memory Loss, Time Loop, Alien Technology, Identity Porn

Summary: While on a mission storming a HYDRA facility, James Buchanan Barnes touches one of the many strange alien devices collected by the Red Skull. He does this, in fact, twice— in the past, and in the future.

Next thing he knows, Bucky Barnes is opening his eyes in the 21st century, which is full of great gadgets and coffee, and at least includes his old pal Steve. (And, inexplicably, a different Stark.) Meanwhile, the Winter Soldier finds himself in the middle of World War Two, helping Captain America hunt down HYDRA (which is at least familiar), pretending to be Bucky Barnes (which is not), and figuring out the very noisy group of soldiers who call themselves the Howling Commandos.

Comments: This is my one of my absolute favorite longfics in this fandom. It has everything: recovering!Bucky, time travel, tragic comparisons of Bucky’s past and current self, somewhat of a twist on outsider POV (in a weird way), and it is beautifully written and plotted.

This, You Protect by owlet

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences | Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Additional Tags: Humor, I hope humor anyway, cursing, Protection, Strong feelings about coffee, slightly off-canon, Steve is sassy, sam is sassy, Bucky is sassy, Everyone has their sassy pants on, just accept that grilled cheese is the perfect food, old people are Team Bucky

Summary: The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

Comments: This is typically most people’s entry for the “if you read one fic from this fandom” contest. Funny, clever, sweet, and a totally unique take on Bucky’s post-TWS mindset. Great fun and great sequels.

Ain’t No Grave (Can Keep My Body Down) by spitandvinegar 

Rating: Mature | Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Additional Tags: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Abuse, Homelessness, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Catholic Steve Rogers, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Artist Steve Rogers, Identity Issues, POV Alternating, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, because I am a desert pony that runs as wild and free as the wind, Period Typical Attitudes, Masturbation, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, original kid characters, a coupla goddamn kids, Pinkberry, Past Rape/Non-con

Summary: It’s six in the morning, and Steve is heading out on a run when he nearly trips over a bouquet of sunflowers on the front steps of his brownstone.

For a second paranoia takes over, and he kicks the flowers a little, waiting for them to explode. They don’t. They also came with a card, which he picks up. The front of the card has a tasteful picture of the Brooklyn bridge at sunset. It’s very nice and sedate, like the kind of card you would buy to give to your boss. On the inside someone has written a short message in big, shaky block letters.

I AM SORRY FOR SHOOTING YOU.

Steve sits down hard on the steps.

Comments: A really inventive take on Recovering!Bucky, with a super rich backstory and a daring characterization. 

4 Minute Window by Speranza (@cesperanza​)

Rating: Explicit | Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Additional Tags: Surveillance, It’s Like Grand Central Station In Here, Brooklyn Boys, Power Couple, People Are Sick of Conceptual Art

Summary: “Look, if they catch me,” Bucky muttered, “they’re either going to kill me or they’re going to put me in a box with a little window and—Steve, I can’t.”

Comments: Okay, so if you don’t know @cesperanza​, you are in for a treat. Her characterization of Bucky is one of my absolute favorites - he is competent and cool, and she writes him and everything he does so convincingly. That’s the hallmark of a speranza fic: you believe every word of it, and it always feels real. It’s a totally immersive story that continues out into a delightful series. Honestly, you should read everything that speranza has written for this fandom - especially 20th Century Limited. 

Silent thunder, as of a thousand wings by kaasknot (@kaasknot)

Rating: Mature | Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Angels, angel!bucky, Religious Imagery, (Now with bonus sacrilege), Angst, Pining, Consent Issues, Agency issues, Gore typical of wartime, Period-Typical Ableism, Racism and racial slurs, PTSD, Flashbacks, Period-typical ignorance of PTSD, attempted suicide, Here there be Google translations, Bucky Barnes is a dirty liar, Steve is a chihuahua with aggression issues, thor is not an idiot, Everyone’s a grade-A potty mouth, Torture

Summary: A theologian once said that angels are constructs of love and holy rage, and chained to obedience through both. Or maybe a theologian hadn’t said that. Maybe it was the Bright One himself, or just Uriel being grumpy.

But Bucky knows that he loves Steve, and he loves his taskmaster of a boss even as he gripes about him over beers after work, and he loves the dames with their red, red lips and smooth, soft curves (and he loves the guys, loves their strength and the tall, proud lines of them), and he loves old Mrs. Greene even when her rheumatism acts up and she turns mean as a wet cat. But he loves Steve most of all, and if Bucky is shackled to mindless obedience because of it, he calls it a good trade, because Steven Grant Rogers is the best person he knows. When it comes down to it, he figures his desire only adds a new dimension to a love that was already there, glowing hot enough to burn.

He was sent to Earth in a cage of mortal flesh to watch over Steve, and Bucky can do no less than love him with all his heart.

Comments: A great, creative alternative universe story that that takes a difficult premise and executed it perfectly. The changes made to canon are so smart and it maintains the urgency and emotion and tragedy of canon while transforming it completely. And the OCs are amazing.

i need a forest fire by tomorrowsrain

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences | Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Additional Tags: Road Trip, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Reconciliation, Recovery, Past Torture, Fugitives, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Deaf Clint Barton, Fix-It, Jewish Bucky Barnes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, On the Run, Developing Friendship, Healing, Past Brainwashing, Talking, some humor hopefully, Character Study

Summary: "The past beats inside me like a second heart. These fragments I have shored against my ruins."

In which Tony Stark makes a reckless decision, becomes a wanted fugitive, goes on the run with the former Winter Soldier, and learns how to forgive. For his part, Bucky Barnes is just trying to hold himself together. AU, post-Civil War.

(sequel of sorts to après nous le déluge, but can be read alone)

Comments: Love, love, love this story because it’s got Stucky AND Tony & Bucky friendship as well as a really smart characterization of Steve and Bucky.

The Crucible by Dreadnought (@dreadnought-dear-captain)

Rating: Explicit | Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Additional Tags: Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Psychological Trauma, Brainwashing, Teamwork, Science, Bucky Barnes-centric, Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Torture, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Tension, Internalized Homophobia, Bad Parenting, Intergenerational Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, Past Bucky Barnes/Various Female Characters, Sexual Content, Medical Torture, Psychology, POV Bucky Barnes, Hydra (Marvel), Emotional Roller Coaster, Stockholm Syndrome, Introspection, Unreliable Narrator, Trust Issues, Lots and lots of psychotherapy, Homophobic Language, Period-Typical Homophobia, Heavy Angst, Vomiting, Gaslighting, Anxiety, Depression, Recovery, Character Study, Explicit Sexual Content, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, parasuicidal behavior, Therapy, therapy fic

Summary: Therapy's a bitch, but PTSD is worse. An in-depth character study of Bucky Barnes as he reconciles his years with Hydra in the wake of Civil War.

------

I don’t really know who I am. I do know that James Buchanan Barnes is dead. He’s a pile of bones at the bottom of a ravine. He’s a side bar in some other guy’s museum exhibit that might not even exist anymore. James Barnes would puke if he could see what he became. His parents and sister and friends would cry.

I don’t know what’s left over now, but I know it’s not good. And I don’t think it can ever be good.

Comments: This is the therapy fic. Dreadnought knows his stuff like nobody else and it hurts and it’s so good. You should definitely read this and then jump into his other fic, a WIP called Baghdad Waltz which will tear your heart out like nobody’s business. It’s a modern military AU, and 100% the best one ever written for this fandom.

#Anonymous #asks #fic recs

[scripttorture]

Hi how are you? I have a character who's isolated for about a year in a room. The room is spacious and pretty much designed like a little studio for utmost comfort. She's well fed and has a small bathroom compartment in her room. Only, she's cuffed by the foot by a padded chain to the wall. She has a servant who takes care of her needs and brings her food and books to read to keep herself busy. The servant visits her for a couple hours everyday and they form a friendship (Imprisoned woman ask/1)

(imprisoned woman ask/2) A friendship strong enough that the servant helped the woman escape even if that meant her persecution. The woman was the military leader of her country, a powerful fighter feared Nationwide, only reason she got imprisoned was as a sacrifice to save her country from invasion. At first she tried to hurt herself and starve herself for them to take her out of the room, but they only brought the doctor to her room. After that, she started exercising again and and doing her..(imprisoned woman ask/3) ..her best to keep her fitness at top shape. She was at first regularly drugged because the king wanted to impregnate her, and knew if he got close to her while she was awake, even strapped from all angles to the bed, he won’t come out unscathed. That stopped after they found out she was pregnant finally. For her escape, she was supposed to leave right away, but couldn’t help but sneak to kill the king.(imprisoned woman ask/4) I want her to succeed in killing him and escaping the country, shallow or fatal wounds are okay, because she’s saved soon enough in less than two days. But I want to make sure it’s possible in the first place, that is, whether it’s realistic that she manages to fight and kill the king and then fight her way across the castle and country all the way out of the borders in about a week or possibly more. She’s still early enough in her pregnancy that she doesn’t even know(imprisoned woman ask/5) She doesn’t even know about the baby until she loses it because of her wounds. Also, would she be able to return and fight for her country once again in a month’s time? She doesn’t have any lasting physical impairments. As for mentally, she has severe PTSD and depression, those two she had at a milder degree because of past trauma of previous wars, but they became much worse, she also has anxiety related to shame and guilt because of the rape she essentially had no..

-

I think that a lot of what you want is possible but I think that chain is likely to cause lasting physical injury, there’s still a high chance of death and I think you’re underestimating the likely extent of psychological symptoms.

 I’ll be honest, this isn’t a plot I personally like, it feels as though it’s putting more and more trauma on the character without really giving her any moments of agency. She loses control over her body early on, the decisions she attempts to make are undermined. Her escape is engineered by the servant. And while killing the King is her decision it’s quickly followed by a miscarriage that further highlights how much she was under his power.

 Now all of this might be necessary for the story but I’d ask you to think about whether it really is. Does rape add anything to this story? Does the miscarriage? Does a suicide attempt? Are these necessary steps for the character? They could be, but I’d ask you to think hard about whether they actually are.

 You don’t need to put a character through multiple traumatic events in order to justify trauma. The symptoms you’ve described; PTSD, depression and anxiety could all be explained by years of fighting a war. They require no further assault.

 Depending on the amount of time the servant spends with this character she might be in solitary confinement.

 Solitary is defined as less then 1-2 hours human social contact a day. In this situation the character could well be in solitary confinement for some parts of her imprisonment and not for others. A week is enough time to develop symptoms and estimates of recovery times vary. I think it’s safe to assume that for a week in solitary it would take several weeks of normal social contact to recover.

 Please consider whether your character would be suffering from solitary symptoms. I think it’s likely because it would take time for her to build up a relationship with the servant. And if she’s suicidal, aggressive or starving herself at first then that could easily scare off the servant and prevent them from forming a relationship with his.

 I think it’s unlikely that the character would attempt suicide, starve herself, and then not just decide to live but summon the will to train.

 You generally do not see that sort of progress while someone is still being held against their will and tortured. A slow decline while imprisoned is common. Hanging on to certain behaviours or routines is possible.

 But a 180 from suicidal to health and military training seems almost impossible in the situation you’ve outlined. Psychologically I’d say it’s extremely unlikely but you’ve also got physical factors at play because the character is being drugged and you’ve implied the character is force fed and subjected to medical procedures she doesn’t consent to.

 Forced feeding is often traumatic. So is going through a serious medical procedure without consent.

 If the character was suicidal before then I think she’s unlikely to recover immediately after more traumatic events. This either implies that suicidal feelings are subject to reason (they are not) or that they can be fixed with more trauma.

 I also think that if the character is being drugged and repeatedly raped it’s likely she knows about it. It isn’t clear from your ask whether she knows or not.

 I find it difficult to understand the timing in this scenario. How does the King know this character is pregnant when she herself does not? Does he have access to modern pregnancy testing? Because even they can be inaccurate within the first month, implying that the character is still being drugged and there’s a window of about 1-4 months when she escapes.

 The chance of a natural miscarriage are still incredibly high in the 2nd and 3rd months of pregnancy and sometimes it is not clear that what occurred is a first trimester miscarriage rather than an unusually painful, late and heavy period.

 We also genuinely do not know the effect of many drugs on pregnancy because they are often not tested on pregnant people. Many drugs, especially older ones, might not even have been tested on pregnant animals.

 Anaesthetics are not perfectly safe. They can be hard to administer and it can be hard to judge the dose correctly.

 It can be especially hard to judge the dose if the character’s weight fluctuates, as it would during periods of starvation followed by binges.

 If it’s hard to judge the dose and hard to administer the dose, the chances of overdose are higher. If this is happening repeatedly and regularly then overdose becomes quite likely. It could result in serious health problems or death depending on the drug used.

 I’d suggest you take a look at ScriptMedic’s blog and think carefully about the kinds of drugs that could be used. And the side effects of long term use.

 Why is it so important that the King have a child with this woman? If it’s so difficult and requires the use of drugs that might cause a miscarriage anyway; is there a good reason why the King couldn’t find a willing woman who looked vaguely similar, with the plan of announcing that the child came from the prisoner?

 If you’re trying to emphasise that this character is evil then he’s already waging a war. You can use the way he fights battles to establish his morals. You can give the character personal reasons to want this King dead without rape. Things like the impact his actions and orders have had on people she cares about.

 Escape generally is rare, I don’t think using an escape plot is a bad thing but if you’re going to do it then I think you need to think carefully about why escape is possible.

 From what you’ve said this escape is relying a lot on the fighting skills of someone who has been imprisoned, drugged, abused and unable to practice properly for a year. I think that winning a succession of fights is unlikely in that scenario.

 I’ve done a little martial arts. Believe me a year of not being able to practice properly results in a noticeable drop in skill. And I don’t think someone chained at the foot and regularly drugged would be able to practice properly.

 If you want the character to fight as part of her escape then I don’t think that’s necessarily ‘wrong’. But try to have a realistic idea of what she’d be physically capable of. She’d be weaker and slower then normal because she’s been mistreated and hasn’t trained.

 I don’t know if the memory problems trauma commonly causes effect martial arts specifically, but they do affect learning and recall. I think it’s likely this would also negatively impact her fighting.

 Most top fighters couldn’t take on twenty people in a strange place and win every fight. Think about whether what you want the character to do, with her impairments, is reasonable.

 The weight of a metal chain that’s worn continuously over a year is likely to cause serious problems. I am not entirely sure what those problems would be because it’s not a typical modern torture. Based on injuries from long term restraint tortures I would say nerve damage, joint problems and chronic pain are all likely. Long term mobility issues (ie difficulty walking) seem possible.

 I don’t think it’s a good idea to give the character fatal injuries if she’s in the process of escaping. I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of the miscarriage as it is as well. Is there a reason this character can’t choose whether to allow the embryo to develop or not? Is there a reason she can’t have a little bit of control over her own body?

 As it stands; no I don’t think this character could successfully go back to fighting in a month.

 She might be able to go back and make a lot of bad decisions driven by mental illness. But I don’t think she’d be healthy, physically or mentally a month after all this trauma. Especially since you seem to be suggesting that fighting again would exacerbate her mental health problems.

 I still think that three symptoms is much too low given the extent of abuse and the length of time she endure it. I list three symptoms as a minimum for a torture scenario. So if a writer has a character who is tortured once in a single scene, a character that’s held for a few hours or a day, then I typically suggest that three symptoms might be appropriate.

 You are doing much much more then that. I think as a minimum you should look at 5 symptoms from the general list. I think going as high as 7-9 could be appropriate.

 I don’t think you should have the character recover from a serious symptom, such as suicidal feelings, while she’s imprisoned and abused.

 The severity of the symptoms should also be considered. Picture something that would take over ten years to recover from. That’s the level I think you’re looking at.

 If this sounds like too much then I’d encourage you to reduce the trauma inflicted in your story. Reduce the time the character is held. Think about whether the rape plot line is necessary. Look at the drugs, medical procedures and chain not as forms of control but as additional traumatic abuses.

 I appreciate that this isn’t the first time you’ve come to me with questions. And I think you have improved a lot. Personally I don’t think this is there yet.

 You are getting closer though.

 Remember that practice helps. I don’t know how you approach writing, so if you know this last piece of advice wouldn’t work for you feel free to ignore it (I know it wouldn’t work for me).

 Try writing out some of the scenes as you’ve planned them now. Then take a break and come back. Look at the emotions the characters are going through. Look at the events. Look at the symptoms you’ve given the character. Then try to create different versions of the story. What do the scenes look like if the prisoner’s symptoms are realistically severe? What do they look like if there isn’t any rape in the story or if sexual assault isn’t a regular occurrence?

 Write out a couple of different versions. Challenge yourself to make it better every time.

 Because part of this is practice. Not just the writing, but the planning. And if you haven’t had a lot of practice then an exercise like this might help.

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#park-chimchim #writing advice #tw torture #tw rape #tw miscarriage #writing responsibly #writing victims #mental health #symptom severity #solitary confinement #restraint torture #clean torture #medical abuse #tw suicide

[katlangforddaily]

Katherine Langford and Dylan Minnette on How ‘13 Reasons Why’s’ Popularity — and Controversy — Impacted Their Careers

“13 Reasons Why” landed with a bang heard round the internet: The series, about a high school girl who commits suicide, became the most tweeted-about show of 2017 just one month after its premiere, and made overnight stars out of its two leads, Katherine Langford and Dylan Minnette.

It also sparked a national conversation about suicide — and what’s appropriate to be shown on TV.

The actors, who were thrust into the spotlight, faced a crash course in the power and pressure of social media.

“You have an idea of what fame is and what celebrities are like and what acting is like, and you think you can just focus on the work, but in reality, you can’t just necessarily focus on the work because it comes with the privilege and responsibility of having a larger platform,” says Langford. “That’s something that I’ve tried to deal with in a very levelheaded way.”

She points to her Instagram account: It was private at the time the show premiered; now that she’s made it public, the number of followers has jumped to nearly 7 million.

“I like to have moments and periods of life that are expressive and where you can be creative, and I think that’s harder when you have more people that are more aware of you and watching you because if they don’t understand the context and they see a picture of you doing something crazy, then it can get taken the wrong way,” she says. “I don’t think it’s ever something that feels normal, especially as a 21-year-old.”

Minnette had nearly 40 roles to his credit when he was cast in the Netflix hit — he’s been acting since he was six. But Langford hadn’t acted professionally at all when she auditioned for the role. Born and raised in Australia, she didn’t take her first acting class until she was 18 and had just a handful of international auditions under her belt before she sent in a tape for “13 Reasons Why.” She jokes that her only prior acting work was a few “horrendous” student films.

“To be honest, I came into the audition at a really weird time,” Langford says. “I didn’t have a job, and I didn’t have drama school, and I was wondering what I was going to be doing with my life, and that’s about the time that the audition for ‘13 Reasons Why’ came around.”

She did her callback over Skype with director and executive producer Tom McCarthy. “The one thing I remember him saying was ‘I think we’re done,’” Langford recalls. “And in my mind I was like, ‘OK, that’s either a really good thing or a really bad thing.’” It was a good thing.

“It was tricky and very, very challenging casting Hannah,” showrunner Brian Yorkey says of Langford’s character. “We saw many talented, wonderful actresses, but we just needed the person that brought that very special luminosity. We needed that, and that came via a self-tape from Perth, Australia, in the form of Katherine Langford.”

When Minnette came in for the role of Clay, he captured the character perfectly, reports Yorkey. “We very much wanted someone who would be believable as an average kid who has some depth of thoughts in him that most people have not seen yet,” the showrunner says. “We believed him in everything he did and found him incredibly compelling when he took the character to those deeper places.”

Like Langford, Minnette says the show has brought a new sense of pressure. “There are a lot of ups and downs to how life has changed,” he says. Though the co-stars say the transition has been challenging, both understand that their newfound fame is a necessary byproduct of an uber-successful show. Helping them navigate is no less than the queen of Young Hollywood, Selena Gomez, who is an executive producer on the show — and the most-followed person on Instagram.

Langford was reluctant to make her Instagram account public, but Gomez convinced her that with a mass following at her fingertips, she would be able to interact with her young fans — something that has proved to be especially important given the show’s explicit coverage of teen suicide. Cognizant of the power of addressing millions of teenagers directly, Langford has included links to suicide prevention hotlines and The Trevor Project across her platforms.

“Overall, I think it was a good thing. You need there to be opinions in order for there to be discussions, and that’s really what the show is about — talking about issues that are taboo or that people wouldn’t usually discuss with parents or teachers.” - Katherine Langford

“I wanted to be there for fans who wanted to reach out or connect after the show,” Langford explains. But, she adds, “I also think there’s a point where if you’re looking to [social media] for affirmation, that’s where it can be overwhelming because you’re relying on other people’s opinions to feel good about yourself.”

Minnette, who has a reach of nearly 5 million across Twitter and Instagram, is less of a fan of being plugged in. “I get real anxiety when it comes to social media. I never want to do or say the wrong thing,” he says. “For the most part, I try not to touch social media, but I hope I can do good when I do. I don’t know how to handle that type of pressure.”

That pressure has been immense because of the intense backlash the show received, given its vivid portrayal of Hannah’s suicide (she slit her wrists in the bathtub), as well as two on-screen rapes of intoxicated high school students. The graphic footage prompted parents to slam Netflix for glorifying suicide, and pushed Canadian schools to ban any discussion of the series in classrooms. The show had trigger warnings ahead of each episode; Netflix then added links to a mental health resource website. And on July 31, a medical study was released that found that online searches about suicide have skyrocketed since the debut of “13 Reasons Why,” including searches for suicide awareness.

“When you make a show like this, we expected controversy. What surprised me was how long it took,” says Langford, who points out that the storm didn’t reach a fever pitch until three weeks after the show’s debut.

But, she says, the discussion it sparked was ultimately for the best. “Overall, I think it was a good thing,” she says. “You need there to be opinions in order for there to be discussions, and that’s really what the show is about — talking about issues that are taboo or that people wouldn’t usually discuss with parents or teachers.”

That said, Langford believes the trigger warnings should have been on the show from the start. While Minnette agrees that the opposing opinions about the show are healthy and necessary, he feels that some of the backlash was unfounded.

“What bothers me is that I noticed most of the people who had negative things to say, they didn’t see it. They would say, ‘I’m not going to watch this because this glorifies suicide.’ Well, how would you know unless you watched the season? You’re judging the series and what we’ve done based entirely off of something that you’ve heard or read,” Minnette says. “I think anyone in their right mind would be able to watch and process what we did and put together the piece that we laid out and be able to see exactly why we did what we did, and know our real intentions, because everybody behind this had the greatest intentions and the best heart and cared so much about this.”

Langford acknowledges that her character’s suicide scene was difficult to film — even talking about it brings her to tears. But she says the graphic nature of the show was needed to get across the anti-bullying message.

“We show Hannah’s suicide not to glorify it. We show the rape not to glorify it,” she says. “It’s uncomfortable when you watch it. So we made decisions creatively, acting-wise and writing-wise, that contributed to us wanting to show this in a way that felt truthful and authentic. Personally, I don’t feel like it glorifies it at all. When I watch those scenes, I get a visceral response — it makes me sick, and it makes me sad.” Both point out that the show has had a positive impact as well.

“The people who are yelling about it are always going to be louder, but I think there’s an overwhelmingly larger amount of people that it helped, more than people that it hurt,” Minnette says.

Langford shares the story of a recent fan encounter. “I was in L.A. going to a dinner, and a girl walked past me and tapped me really quietly and was like, ‘I don’t want to draw attention, but your show really helped my sister. Thank you,’” she says. “Those are moments where I’m like, that’s why I do this.”

And they’re not backing down. To continue generating conversation, the co-stars reveal, the upcoming season — which is in production — will not be toned down. “It’s evident from the get-go that we’re not pulling any punches this year,” Minnette teases, adding that the new episodes explore the recovery process for rape victim Jessica (Alisha Boe) in the aftermath of last season’s graphic scenes between her and Bryce (Justin Prentice).

While he won’t give any details, Yorkey assures that the intense scrutiny on the show — good and bad — won’t affect the intent of the storytelling in the upcoming season.

“If I worried about anything coming into season two, it would be that the successes of the show and the attention on the actors would be a distraction from what it is that we’re trying to do, and that has not been the case at all,” he says. “If anything, everyone has come back to the show even more deeply committed to doing something that we’re all proud of.”

Source: Variety

#katherine langford #dylan minnette #variety #article #2017

[freeonlinecours-blog]

Sex Ed for Christians: The Theology of the Penis

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Sex Ed for Christians: The Theology of the Penis

What does the penis, or male genitalia in general, teach us about God, about wedding, about the sexes?

This month I’m trying to expand on sex ed for adults in our Wednesday themed posts, and I want to talk today about what the penis tells us about God. So far we’ve looked at 10 things to know about women and arousal, and about the theology of the clitoris. So now let’s turn to the theology of the penis!

I’m going to be honest: this was much more difficult to write than the woman’s one. For a while, all we could think of was,

” Sometimes, life gets hard. Then it’s not. Then, at inconvenient or awkward days, it gets hard again. Especially during the teenage years .”

But we decided that would be in exceptionally bad taste.

Many( including Pope John Paul II) “ve written” more doctrinal was working on this( and have been in much better taste ), that have encompassed far more than simply the sexual function of the penis. Today, though, I want to focus just on the sex act here, since that’s what I tend to write about. So what do we learn about God and God’s design for sex from how the male anatomy works?

Sexual attraction is natural

First, at its most basic, intercourse only works if the man is aroused. On the arousal timeline, he feels desire( libido ); exhilaration( arousal ); stimulation( intercourse& orgasm) and recovery.

But he has to be aroused, or nothing works! So God made men to be quite easily provoked( in general ). If you compare bell curves of women’s libidos and men’s libidos, you’ll was of the view that they overlap, with men’s libidos, in general, being higher. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t some women with higher libidos than some men; but in general, men tend to have an easier time get evoked and remaining evoked than women do.

And this is the way that we are designed! Sexual attraction, then, is a natural thing that most men feel. It is not a sin. They’re wired to be attracted to women sexually so that sexuality is easier to do. If men were as hit and miss considering arousal and sex response as females are, then sex would be far less frequent and far more disrupted.

( Again, this is not to say that some humen don’t suffer from sexual dysfunction or low libido; merely that in general men’s arousal is more automatic than women’s .)

We should stop framing sexual attraction as a sin, then. As I’ve said before, and as I’ll write more about soon , noticing is not lusting. You can notice a woman is beautiful and then do absolutely nothing else with that think. By telling men that every time they notice a beautiful woman they’re in sin, we’re put humen in an impossible situation.

Other Posts in our Every Man’s Battle Series on Lust:

Why Every Man’s Battle Backfires

Is Don’t Be a Stumbling block a Really Bad Modesty Message ?

Sex, for men, is about being accepted and “let in”

While girls can have sex when they don’t want to( something that is tragic for all too many females ), men tend to need to be into it to perform.( This doesn’t mean that men can’t be raped; bodies will respond to stimulation even if you don’t want to, and that’s called arousal non-concordance. Additionally, men can be raped via anal sex. But in a relationship, in general, men can’t have sex unless they want to ).

What many humen are looking for, then, is for a woman who also wants to have sex. Good spouses want to be wanted; they don’t want to be placated. Sex is actually about a human entering a woman’s body and leaving a part of himself there. Sex is, then, about a human being accepted. Her wanting sex means that she wants him. She wants to experience his desire and his exhilaration, and she wants to be the object of it. When she is enthusiastic about sexuality, then, he feels wanted and accepted.

Enthusiasm Matters !

10 Ways to Make Sex Feel Amazing for Him

Sex involves humen, in general, to woo women

Men feel arousal quite easily and often quite intensely, but they also have this need to feel accepted( literally “let in” ). For this to happen, then, they have to get girls to actually want them. Certainly a bad man can force a woman, but that merely satisfies lust; it doesn’t satisfy the emotional need to be accepted that humen also have. Their libido and easy arousal, then, becomes a God-given impetus to woo their wives. If they want willing partners, they need to build the relationship and the emotional connect so that she is willing to be vulnerable with him. His libido, when channeled correctly, actually feeds a more intimate relationship.

Men’s area of greatest pleasure is also its own area of greatest vulnerability

Men’s genitalia is the focus of the greatest pleasure that they can feel-but it is also their most vulnerable point. Want to bring a man to his knees? Kick him you-know-where. Every basic self-defense course teaches females this. Go for the testicles!

Why is that? I’m going to suggest that it’s to remind humen that this part of themselves that can all too easily take over the relationship and dominate a woman can also become his biggest downfall. It’s to remind him that he is vulnerable. He needs to use his body correctly, or he risks being hurt, and hurting others.

Does your marriage need some spicing up-and some fun?

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Men need to stay in control-of themselves

If men want to avoid this vulnerability, then, they need to stay in control-of themselves. One of my faithful readers, Phil, pointed this out to me in the comments last week. If sex is going to go well, men can’t let themselves carried away. They have to think of the woman who is with him, to make sure that she is enthusiastic, enjoying herself, and accepting him. He has to make sure he doesn’t overpower her, which is all too easy to do.

Sex can become like a conquest-you dominate her and she submits to you. But for sexuality to be all that he wants it to be, with a partner who accepts him and is enthusiastic, it must be so much more. And that means not allowing your base instincts to run wild. You must instead temper them with love, with deliberation, with generosity. That makes the stronger look out for the weaker, and it constructs sexuality far better about giving than it otherwise could be.

You’re supposed to serve God-even with that part of you

While we know from the New Testament that circumcision is no longer a requirement to be a part of God’s covenant family, it was the marker of covenant faithfulness from the time of Abraham to the time of Christ. In fact, Paul uses the analogy of circumcision in Romans 4 to describe baptism, which has now replaced circumcision as the sign of our belonging to the people of God. Circumcision was only performed on humen , not on females, as circumcision of men does not inhibit their sex function while female genital mutilation definitionally does affect a woman’s ability to enjoy sex.

By submitting to circumcision and participating in circumcision rites for their sons, the Israelites submitted their whole selves, including their genitalia, to God’s covenant. So what does circumcision actually tell us about how God sees men’s sexuality?

Circumcision is a sign of being in covenantal relationship with God-and that sign was done on that part of the body. There’s all kinds of reasons for that( it was the part of you that had children; it was the part of you that was the most intimate ), but I guess one of them is telling us that at its most basic, we must serve God even with that part of us. We’re in a covenantal relationship with God, and that includes our sex drives and our sexuality.

So your sexuality life is supposed to come under submission to God. It isn’t an animalistic force-out that cannot be contained.

Much teaching about sexuality in the church describes male libido as an unwieldy force that every man must battle at all hours. It is as though many in the church believe the Spirit is impotent when it comes to the problem of male lust. Of course, that is ridiculous. While many men struggle with lust, many others do not. God’s original design was not that we serve God in everything EXCEPT our sex drives, which can’t be tamed( so girls have to tame humen for them by not causing lust ). No, God’s design was that we serve God in everything, ESPECIALLY our sex drives. So let’s stop talking about sex as the one region that humen are unable to submit to God because lust is so overpowering. We as a church should come alongside the fighting while nevertheless expecting holiness and” spurring one another on towards love and good deeds”( Heb 10:23, NIV ).

What do you think? Is there something that I missed? I did find the women’s version easier to write! So let’s talk in the comments!

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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, dedicating her signature “Girl Talk” about sex and wedding. And she’s written 8 volumes. About sex and wedding. See a topic here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

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Sheila’s Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex

10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage,& Sex Life

Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite

How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time ?

Check out some of Sheila’s Books:

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

31 Days to Great Sex

9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila’s Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course

The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up

The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

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#arousal #marriage #more #part #their #they #want #women #your

[realpaperclipsmagazine-blog]

Why You Mustn't Watch S2E13 of 13 Reasons Why

What does the internet do when you say not to watch the last episode of season 2 in 13 Reasons Why? THEY WILL DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE. Yes, I know because I did it also, I was bombarded with all of the articles on my Facebook newsfeed telling me that I have been warned but what did I do? I DID THE EXACT OPPOSITE. It’s not advisable to watch it if you are sensitive or have any form of a heart condition. I had to look away as that was rolling; it totally messed me up. ‘The Bathroom Scene’ Spoilers ahead but this is what happened in that particular scene - a graphic description of sexual assault. Tyler Down, one of the social outcasts of Liberty High had an unexpected encounter with the enraged bully, Montgomery Dela Cruz. Tyler was beaten to the point of unconsciousness. The most gruesome of it all is seeing him being tamed against his will and being sexually assaulted. Tyler was left in tears and filled with blood after that. What was so sad is that he just went to this school program that promises to help him have a ‘better perspective’ in life. But after the bullying, he again became shattered and lifeless.

The violence made him depressed that he wanted to plot revenge and in anger. He did not only want to cast his plans to Montgomery alone but to create chaos in Liberty High. He took his dad’s gun that was kept safely in the basement. The students were enjoying their night in prom, and even the other students in Hannah’s tapes have reconciled and found a moment of peace. But what’s consistent about this show is that the people in this series live in darkness. When Clay found Tyler carrying a loaded gun, he had to take action and convince him that this isn’t the right thing to do. He got Tyler to surrender the weapon to him and let him took off with Tony to somewhere safe. Then, the police started showing; Clay was nervous as he sees the gun in his hands, he might be blamed for all of this. It is a fact that we are expecting another season from this show but are we all ready to gulp it down?

Why is the bathroom scene the most talked about scene in 13 Reasons Why? Refinery29 had this really good point as to why Tyler being assaulted leads to controversy when two female characters, Jessica Davis and Hannah Baker, are raped in the first season of the series? Let’s first talk about the dominance that some jocks in these series convey. Popularly referred to as toxic masculinity. Bryce Walker was one of the guys who is the most accurate definition of being a toxic masculine figure: threatening, blackmailing, the cause of fist fights, raping and assaulting women, and more things that he can get away from. The series shows how dangerous these men can be and seems to be limitless of what they can do when being threatened or angered. It is disturbing that the showrunners are daring enough to story tell the gruesome assaults and violence in this show; but the truth is, all in the series can be real-life events. Mass shootings are recently happening in schools, bullying is much more depressing when it happens in social media, and sexual abuse or rape are happening for a very long time. The second thing to talk about is how unexpected it was for Tyler being treated like that. It was very uncalled for, and it looked like it hurt so much. Montgomery was stupid enough and acted towards his emotion; I think everyone in the audience can’t forgive him anymore. Anyone in their right mind would feel such sympathy towards Tyler. 13 Reasons Why: Good or Bad? It is challenging to watch. Sometimes the violence can be bearable in the series, but the bathroom scene is one of the reasons why I only want to watch that episode once. The series speaks so much truth about depression, suicide, and bullying, and that's difficult. I must say that the sinister deliverance about teenage suicide should not be taken lightly. This series is something that can be a conversation-starter that would also spark relatable topics. I even have this theory that the storyteller is not only hitting just the usual categories of the show. I can also see that every crime has a back-story. You can see the psychology and what the "criminal" is going through in the series. There are points of the series where you do have to pause and catch a breath. Some people think that it is glorifying suicide and it is dangerous for teens who are undergoing recovery in depression. Putting real-life situations in a 40-minute series may be a lot to swallow for the audience. However, if it is stirring someone's mind and will let people start talking - now, that is considered as art. Read the full article

#13reasonswhy #bullying #netflix #suicide #tvseries