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young-dumb-and-vaccinated · 3 years

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Cult Girl: Doctorate (Hannibal x Pregnant!Female!Reader) pt. 14

Hannibal reads too much into Max's attempt to reconcile and cult girl revisits her past.

@wisesandwichshark @pearlstiare

Trigger warnings: discussions of death, abandonment, military casualties, emotional abuse

You soon returned to the opera knowing you had nothing to hide. Hannibal selected for you an off-white maternity gown so form-fitting it was practically painted on. He wanted everyone to see that you, his queen, empress and goddess, were carrying his child.

It only took that evening for the whole dynamic to change. Suddenly, you were an expectant new mother. Imogen had been a massive hit, you were planning to go again.

You were affixing your heavy cubic zirconia earrings when you heard a knock at the door. You hesitated, but hurried down the stairs when you saw who it was.

"Max?" You said, upon opening the door. He stood there awkwardly, holding a bouquet of flowers. "Hi?"

"Hey, [F/N]." Max greeted, eyes darting nervously around the porch. "I just came around to apologize in person. I'm sorry I was such a chauvinist prick."

You leaned against the door. "Oh?"

"You were right." He continued. "I don't know what it's like to carry a baby, and, unless something goes very wrong, I never will."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." You smiled.

"Anyway, these are for you." He said, handing the bouquet over. "They're chrysanthemums."

"Thank you, Max." You said, accepting the flowers.

"Archie and I-" He scratched the back of his head. "We thought that, maybe, if you'd still have us, that we'd name the baby Chrysanthemum. With your permission, of course."

"Like the picture book?" Your face lit up. "With the little mouse girl?"

Max nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, exactly."

You hugged the bouquet into your chest and considered it again. You looked back at Hannibal, who hadn't looked up from his expectant fathers' website for a second all day. He surrounded himself with books about child psychology, attachment theory, developmental behavior patterns and somehow found himself on a tangent about institutionalized misogyny in medicine.

"I'm sorry, Max." You said, sincerely. "I really do appreciate you coming down here and apologizing, but-"

Max put his hands up and gave you a disarming smile. "I understand. Plans change."

"I just really want to stress that it's not you." You assured him. "I've kind of... really grown to like the idea of being a parent. And I think that was Hannibal's plan all along, too."

"I believe a congratulations is in order, then." His voice turned up in delight. "I'm very happy for you. Both of you."

You clutched the bouquet to your chest. "Thank you."

"Well, I'd better get going." He stepped backwards down the stairs. "I've got three pints of Ben and Jerry's in the backseat and Archie'll have my head if I come home and they've melted."

"Max, wait." You stopped him before he could get down the driveway.

"Hm?"

You leaned against the threshold and smiled warmly. "Don't be a stranger, okay?"

Max returned the smile. "Of course not."

You waved goodbye and shut the door. You hurried to the kitchen to put the flowers in water before you had to go.

"Who was that, love?" Hannibal asked, half-heartedly. He was still very fixated on his research.

"Max Thomas-Park." You answered, unwrapping the flowers from the decorative plastic.

Hannibal looked up from his computer, but left the room silent for you to fill.

"He wanted to make amends." You explained. You walked across the room to the china cabinet and selected a vase big enough to hold the ornate bouquet. "Brought flowers and everything."

"Chrysanthemums?" He asked, sniffing the air.

"I see your sense of smell is coming back." You commented.

"Interesting selection." He narrowed his eyes on the bouquet.

"Well, he said that was what he wanted to name the kid." You offered. "It was a cute pitch, not gonna lie."

Hannibal shut his laptop and examined the bouquet up close. "If he wanted to express regret, he would have done better to bring you blue or purple hyacinths."

"Well, like I said." You made a point to project a little more. "He said he wanted to name his daughter chrysanthemum."

"Mums are given to show sympathy for those in mourning." Hannibal continued, clearly having his own conversation.

"Hannibal-"

"I think your cousin got her hooks in him and he's planning to--" He cut himself off, lest he speak the unthinkable into reality. "That's why he brought mourning flowers."

"Max Thomas-Park is conspiring with Anna to kill our unborn baby?" You said, flatly, to emphasize how insane he sounded.

Hannibal held a bloom between his fingers and looked closely at it. "It's the kind of hint I would leave. For courtesy's sake."

"I think looking at parenting blogs all day has made you a little paranoid." You observed, knowing full well that an overprotective husband and soon-to-be father of your child was not a bad problem to have. Nevertheless, you shut the laptop and touched his cheek. "Come on. We're going to be late for the opera."

You heaved yourself into the passenger's seat of the car, feeling the seat give beneath your heavy frame. Every time you got into the car, you remembered that you needed to shop for a car seat. The thought just as soon left your mind every time.

“We need to look for a car seat.” You said as Hannibal shut the door, hoping that he’d remember.

“I mean,” Hannibal blurted out, still lost in his own conversation. “Max is a cultured and well-educated man. He has to know the implications of his flowers.”

You huffed, dreading to think that paranoid delusion was symptomatic of his parenting style. “Right. The twenty-seven year old data analyst who graduated with a finance MBA from UChicago is also proficient in the outdated and frivolous language of flowers.”

“In Italy, mums are only given as comfort for loss.” Hannibal said with undeserved conviction. “Exclusively, [F/N].”

You rolled your eyes and typed something up on your phone. You raised your eyebrows, feeling a bit proud of yourself for what you found.

“In Korea, y’know, the country that Max’s family is from,” You corrected. “The chrysanthemum is a symbol of friendship.”

Hannibal tensed up for a moment, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. It was as if he were trying to break himself out of a trance. “...I’m sorry, darling.”

“I know you’re scared.” You stared at his profile, trying to make out an expression. “I’m also... pretty scared. But you can’t take it out on a guy who has nothing to do with it.”

“I am scared.” He affirmed, but the way in which he did was a telltale sign that he wasn’t giving you the full story.

“Of?” You raised your eyebrow. “Finish the sentence, Hannibal.”

"I need to keep our baby safe." He answered. "And I cannot in good conscience let her come into the world knowing that someone wants to hurt her. To hurt you."

You sighed. "Hannibal, are you seriously still worried about Anna?"

"Don't underestimate the role privilege and entitlement plays in the decision to commit acts of violence." He enunciated carefully. "You of all people should know that."

"Anna has cultivated such a perfect victim image to project outwardly that even a hint of proactive violence would shatter it." You explained. "She's the poor girl who has things done to her. Her evil cousin ruined her marriage. Her evil cousin destroyed her career. And she's the innocent victim in all of it."

"Logically, I know that you can speak on her behavior with more authority than I." Hannibal admitted.

"No shit." You scoffed. "I had to live with her."

"Can we at least entertain the idea that she has something planned?" He pleaded.

"I'm surprised at you." You said. "You never really struck me as the overly-cautious type."

Hannibal shook his head. "With my own life, I'm willing to gamble. But not when it's you. And not when it's Imogen."

You tensed up. His admitted willingness to put himself in danger unlocked a core memory you had buried deep down. The only thing you knew about your own father was that he was willing to put himself in danger. To go overseas and die for fuck-all instead of live for the child he selfishly created then abandoned. He chose to give his life for oil. You didn't choose to grow up without a father and your mother didn't choose to raise a child without a partner. He made that choice for you.

"Now what are you not telling me?" Hannibal broke you out of your trance. "I know that look, [F/N]."

"Nothing." You shook your head. "You should really not plan on dying anytime soon."

"I promise you, I am not going anywhere." His voice softened. "Least of all, to Iraq."

"Okay, you're a pretty good therapist but you never told me you could read minds." You threw your hands up in defeat. "Are you a psychiatrist or are you Loki?"

"As fun as being the god of mischief would be," Hannibal smiled to himself. "I just happen to have a steel-trap memory and an admittedly quite obsessive fixation on the mental health of the mother of my child."

"I swear to god I never told you about him." You denied. "Not even in passing."

"You didn't have to." He assured you. "Beatrice did."

You were surprised for a fraction of a second until the information sat in your head long enough to realize it wasn’t surprising in the slightest. Beatrice took every opportunity she got to brag about her son's sacrifices. She never once mentioned the sacrifices he forced upon you. Only that her son was a hero.

"Did you get the 'don't believe anything [F/N] has to say about my son' speech?" Your voice flattened in complete non-surprise.

"It was a prepared speech?" Hannibal chuckled. "Pity. I thought I was special."

"She gave it to my first boyfriend." You rolled your eyes. "We were, like, fifteen."

"The root of your psychological issues becomes clearer every time we talk about Beatrice." He commented under his breath.

"I know." You conceded.

He pulled into the parking lot, turned the car off and placed his hand over yours.

"Your father was a coward." He said, bluntly. It was nice to hear what had been echoing in the back of your head out loud for once. "I know no country to serve. No god to glorify. I promise, you have the whole of me. My mind, body and soul belongs to you and our child."

You squeezed his hand. "I couldn't ask for anything else."

#hannibal lecter #hannibal x you #hannibal x reader #hannibal nbc #cult girl #more cult girl #cult girl doctorate #cult girl 2 #tw death #tw family #pregnant reader #hannibal x pregnant reader

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haloshornsinkstains · 3 years

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Mine [Tomura Shigaraki]

This is a bit different from most of my other writing I think? Read the content warnings. It’s not as fluffy as a lot of my other writing. It was just an idea that wouldn’t go away and I finally got it all written out.

Sorry I haven’t updated much this week, first week back at work has been rough. Always open for requests though, especially headcanons or thirsts/drabbles atm.

CW: Omegaverse (Alpha!Shigaraki, Omega!Reader), female reader, NSFW, dubcon , blood, violence, kidnapping

Distressed omegas were meant to be a cowering, whimpering mess. They were meant to be easy to control, to comply subserviently with an Alpha, or even a Beta, in order to remedy whatever situation had them in such a state. Distressed omegas were most certainly not meant to be snarling, snapping and occasionally sending ripples of electricity and broken earth out at their captors. Which is exactly what you were doing.

It was supposed to be an easy job, scope the place out, report back on your findings. The place was not, according to all the previous intel, supposed to be a hideout for one of the most notorious villain groups in all Japan. But just your luck, that was exactly what it was. You’d expected to die, honestly, when the small blonde had appeared out of nowhere. Maybe dying would have been the better option, rather than being tied up and surrounded by the League. You weren’t even entirely sure why you weren’t dead, she’d mumbled something about your scent and in a blurry series of events you’d found yourself here, growling at their leader as he crouched before you, easily recognisable with the hand obscuring his face.

“Can someone tell me why we have a distressed omega in the middle of our floor?” He rasped, taking his eyes away from you for a moment to scan the group. “We caught her sneaking around!” Toga grinned, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Right. So why is she here and not, say, dead?” Shigaraki growled, before whipping his head back to you, nose wrinkled. “And will you stop that? You smell terrible.” You merely snarled in response. You knew your distress tinged your natural scent with a sour note that wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t as if you could control the feeling given your current predicament. “Um, boss, we do have her tied up. It’s probably not entirely her fault.” “Spinny is right. She smelled so good before~” Toga beamed. You snorted. “She’s bleeding, of course you thought she smelled good.” “Not like that! The blood smelled good, but she smelled right before she started bleeding. Then she smelled better~” Tomura sighed, shifting forwards towards you to try and see what the beta girl meant. You shuffled backwards, baring your teeth at him in a snarl, sparks skittering off your skin towards him. Tomura snarled back, sharp canines glinting from between chapped lips in a clear threat. “Stop it! I could just kill you you know?” He glanced over his shoulder, missing the way your body drooped in poorly hidden hurt at his next words. “You just had to bring a broken omega didn’t you brat?” Broken. You’d heard that before. No one wanted an omega who snarled and snapped back, instead of submitting at the drop of a hat. Omegas were supposed to be subservient. Motherly. They were supposed to have supportive roles. You were none of those, topped with an offensive type quirk, you weren’t what anyone would look for in an omega mate. You were broken, by their standards. “Stop. Calm down.” You reacted immediately to the new Alpha voice, your body relaxing against your own will, every fibre of your being racing to obey the alpha’s command. You turned your head to scowl at the man who’d pulled such a dirty trick, stupid Alpha’s and their stupid ability to make Omega’s obey. A scarred face grinned back at you, Dabi you realised, another strong Alpha - had to be to make you submit like that when you were so riled up. “You could’ve done that too you know creep, threatening her wasn’t going to make her any less distressed.” He huffed. “You’re the worst Alpha I’ve ever met.” Tomura scowled, scratching at his neck. “You must not spend much time with yourself.” Dabi huffed a laugh, leaning against the wall behind you. You could feel his eyes burning into the back of your neck, clearly watching for you to make some move to attack as Tomura shifted closer. His scent was getting stronger, too much so to just account for his proximity. He was trying to calm you, you realised belatedly, a hand twitching near his neck as if he didn’t dare scratch at the damaged glands further. It took a moment for the scent to really hit you, your eyes going wide and panicked as your body reacted, the urge to fling yourself towards him and flee warring between each other and leaving your frozen in place. You shook your head as a needy whine bubbled from your throat unbidden. Tomura fell backwards, brows pinched together in what you thought was a similar kind of distress. In a panic you tried to focus on a different scent, anything to push the scent of dusty rooms and decaying leaves and belonging from your nose. Your head whipped to Dabi behind you, breathing deeply through your nose. He was another Alpha, surely his scent should do something to mask Tomura’s, but the smoke and spice was far too faint to cover whatever the other Alpha had pumped through the room. Noticing your gaze Dabi just offered a lazy shrug, tilting his head slightly with a smug smirk. The burn scars that covered his neck must have messed with his scent glands, which also explained the tang of burnt flesh you got from him. The Betas weren’t doing much either, and everyone smelled faintly of blood, including you. With another needy whine you gave up and focused hard on the floor, trying not to breathe more than strictly necessary. The world around you blurred and faded as you fought every instinct in you screaming to reach out to the Alpha and bare your neck to his teeth. 'Stupid body, stop it. I'm better than this, I've met plenty of strong Alphas before.' 'But none of them smelled like that. Good enough to make you react like this' your traitorous mind whispered back. 'Screw that. I am not my secondary gender. I'm a hero. I don't roll over for anyone, and certainly not an infamous villain. No matter how good he smells…' 'Smells like mate. Your Alpha.' '...mate. No!'. You snarled into the floor, not quite sure when you’d shifted position like this. You vaguely registered the shuffle of feet, Tomura had stood and moved away at some point, and the low rasp of orders. "Spinner, go put her somewhere." "Okay? Uh, where?" "Anywhere but here." A door slammed and you felt yourself being lifted, heated over a shoulder. Spinner you guessed, he smelled weird, even under the blood and soft scent that marks him as part of the pack. His smell was dry, like sand and tanned leather and something reptilliant you couldn't place. He jostled you slightly as he moved down some stairs, making you hiss at him in irritation. He growled back, finally dumping you in a small cellar, your hands still tied.

“What was that all about?” Toga asked, spinning a knife in her hands. “You can’t guess?” Dabi sighed. “Do you know anything?” Toga just shrugged, humming to herself. “I know how to stab people.” “From the omega’s reaction I’d say she smelled a mate.” Compress sighed. “I’m sure you can piece together who from the reaction.” “Oh. Oh. Maybe that’s why she smelled so nice before.” Dabi shrugged. “What did she smell like before? I only got the sour distressed smell, and… well.” Toga winced, the sour smell had been unpleasant sure, but the strange musk after it hadn’t been so bad. It reminded her of how things smelled after she got to play with blood. “She smelled good, like thunderstorms and old things. A bit like the bar when we first got here, except with more lightning.” “That explains it. Creepy hands McGee is going to be a child about it though.” Dabi hummed. “You should have more faith in our leader.” Dabi shot Compress a disbelieving look and shook his head. “This is going to be a pain.”

You weren’t sure how long you’d been trapped in their cellar. Two days maybe, if they were bringing you three meals a day, longer if not and well… three meals a day seemed a little too generous for the group of villains. Yet no one had come to find you, probably assumed you were dead you reasoned, but the abandonment stung somewhere deep in your chest. You’d smelled your mate several times since you’d been captured too, lurking outside the door but never coming any further. Each time the battle with your instincts got harder, the omega inside you begging to call out, to crawl to the door and beg for him to come in. Occasionally small whimpers would slip past your lips, ones that you would scold yourself for, but worse was the answering growl that sometimes came from the other side of the door. Low and possessive and filled with a promise of something both dangerous and so, so tempting. Those times it was even harder to stay back, your body trembling from the effort of staying still. You didn’t want him, not logically, he was dangerous and cruel and evil. Everything opposed to what you worked for in life. But your traitorous body smelled a mate, the first one you’d met since high school, and it wanted him so badly it ached.

Meanwhile Dabi was getting more and more frustrated, nothing was happening with the League while their boss was fixated on their captive, and while he didn’t really care about the League’s goals where they diverged from his own, the inactivity was boring the others and their restlessness was driving him insane. That and the constant growling of the other Alpha made his hackles rise, part of him he thought he’d buried long ago wanting to fight over the omega. It was stupid and he hated it, so it needed to be solved, and he knew just the thing to kick Shigaraki into action.

You snapped awake from a fitful sleep as you heard the door to the cellar opening. A traitorous part of your mind hoping it would be your mate. Instead the faint smell of burning caught you nose and you huffed, turning away from the other Alpha. You heard a growl from behind you but ignored it, pulling the blanket around you protectively. “Go away.” There was a rough laugh. “I don’t think so little Omega. All this pining is getting annoying.” You huffed. “There is no pining. But if you’re here to kill me just get it over with, this cellar smells terrible.” “Tempting but no” he grabbed your shoulders, flipping you onto your back in one swift motion “I’ve got a much better plan.” Your body tensed up, preparing to fight whatever this asshole planned to do to you, despite the power-dampening bands they’d locked onto your wrists. You pulled your legs up, closing them tightly, ready to kick him away. But Dabi was deceptively strong, pinning your legs down with one arm as his other grabbed something from his coat pocket, binding it over your nose and mouth. A gag, you thought at first, ready to scream for help that probably wouldn’t come as soon. But then the smell hit you, your eyes going wide and panicked. It was his smell, dusty and decaying and enough to set all of your nerves on fire. You thrashed on the bed, tossing your head around and trying to get it off, get away from the intoxicating scent, but Dabi had a hand pressed hard against your throat. “Behave.” You froze with a whimper that you hated yourself for. “Good Omega. Now, we just need to wait until your heat kicks in and this’ll all be over.” You struggled weakly again, your heat hadn’t been very far off when you first broke in here anyway, the overwhelming scent of Alpha, of Mate, would only bring it on faster. And with Dabi pressing down on your neck you felt you might pass out before you could get the clothing off you. Everything was hazy and the blood was pounding in your ears as the edges of your vision darkened.

Dabi sighed, climbing off you and sniffing the air. Beneath the sour sting of distress he could smell the sweetness and thick musk that signalled an impending heat. A couple hours and you’d be in full heat he figured, plenty of time to convince the creep to get down here and trap him in here with you. Dabi figured he’d either kill you, fuck you and then kill you or (and it was probably the least likely) actually claim you as a mate and stop this ridiculous moping. Maybe having an omega around the place would be useful, you were supposed to be good at looking after people and all that shit and god knows these idiots need it. Now he just had to convince the creep to actually enter the cellar.

In the end it was easier than he thought. All he had to do was suggest you were in some kind of danger and some long dormant Alpha instincts seemed to kick in, sending Shigaraki darting into the cellar before his brain could catch up with what he was doing. With a satisfied bark of laughter Dabi slammed the door shut again, banking on the boss’ instincts kicking in before he could think of disintegrate the door with his quirk. Sliding the lock shut he turned to address the door, raising his voice so he could be heard inside. “We’re all sick of your nonsense, so either fuck or kill each other. I don’t care.” You were staring wide eyed at Shigaraki from your makeshift blanket nest, a sheen of sweat making your skin almost glow in the dim light. The room stank with the scent of your heat, sickly sweet and tinged with ozone. For his part Shiagraki had pressed himself back against the door, staring at you as if you were about to pounce on him and eat him alive. Though, in his defence, your instincts were screaming at you to do exactly that. In a way it was almost funny, that something so simple could reduce someone so powerful to panic like this, but you knew how dangerous that could be at the same time, how easily he could kill you. You tried to growl at him, but it came out more like a needy whimper, a ripple of pain running through your body. You knew it was only a matter of time before he lost control, maybe it was better to just get it over with… the way your body was screaming at you was getting harder to ignore too. Before you realised what was happening you had started to crawl towards him, his snarl the only thing that snapped you out of the heat daze and made you stop. “Stay back.” You froze, studying him carefully. He was trembling, a thin sheen of sweat covering his face, his hands frozen into claws on the floor, pinkies raised. So it was getting to him faster than you bargained for. Great. “I’m trying!” You hissed. “Try harder!” You narrowed your eyes, a snarl escaping your lips. “Screw you.” He answered with a growl, deep and low in his throat, the sound making you whine and press yourself to the floor on instinct, hips raised in the air. In the few seconds it took you to realise what you were doing something in Tomura snapped, the scent of your heat and the submissive mating position sparking every instinct in his body. In a flash you’re trapped beneath him, feeling the solid press of his length against your ass. He’s trembling, barely restrained as he ruts against your clothing. It’s sweet, in a twisted way, that he’s this far gone but still trying to hold on to a thread of control, to wait for your consent. And with him pressed so close, his intoxicating scent filling your nostrils, you know you can’t hold off much longer. Each time you try to say no it comes out as whine, your heat growing stronger with each passing heartbeat. “Please.” It comes out as a whine, but your hips rocking back against his is more than enough to tell him what you want.

His fingers scrabbled at your pants, careful to keep his pinkie away from the clothes even in this state. You heard the groan as he saw the mess of slick sticking to your underwear, you could feel it starting to run down your legs, the smell almost overwhelming. You heard more fabric rustle before you felt him pressing against you, felt the quiver in his body as he stilled with his head just pressing at your entrance. You whined, low and needy, bucking your hips back against him again, knees pressed together by your hastily tugged down clothes and chest cold against the floor. Behind you he growls, hips bucking forwards with enough force to almost push you over. His body folded over yours, hands pressed against the floor, away from you. A small thing, but it speaks volumes about his unwillingness to hurt you, that the bond of knowing you’re mates has stuck with him too. It’s the last coherent thought you have before your brain is completely overcome with a haze of lust, devoid of any thoughts except how good his cock feels inside you, hard and heavy rubbing along your inner walls. Your hands scrabble against the floor as he bucks up into you, pressing against a spot on your insides with every thrust that makes you see stars, his breath a series of harsh pants in your ears. There’s no dirty talk, no indication how much he’s enjoying this aside from the occasional ‘fuck’ or low moan. You could feel his knot pressing against your entrance, stretching you a little more with each thrust, brushing against your clit and pushing you closer and closer to your release. You knew anyone who passed would be able to hear your wanton moans and whimpers through the door, too lost in pleasure to control your volume. “Please. Please knot me Alpha, mate.” You whined, rocking back against him. “Need you.” There was a low chuckle from above you, dark and twisted. “Lost all your fight little omega? How pitiful.” You whined, clenching down around him. It was all it took for him to thrust hard once more, his knot pushing past your outer ring and locking itself inside you. The sudden pressure tipped you over the edge, spasming around his dick, barely aware as he made a final few shallow thrusts before groaning and tipping over the edge himself, filling you with his warm come. The pain of his teeth latching onto your neck, the sharpened canines piercing through the bond mark, was enough to bring you out of your daze. “Mine.” Locked together you could feel his tongue lapping at the wound, cleaning the blood and soothing the sting of the bite. You tried not to struggle, worried the movement would anger him, even as you could hear the mutterings of ‘mine, my omega’ against your skin. With the worst of your heat sated right now you could almost think clearly again, despite the stretch of his knot inside you firing all kinds of signals inside your body. You’d allowed yourself to be claimed by one of the biggest villains in Japan, in a dingy basement against a cold stone floor. He’d bitten you and marked you as his. There was no way they were going to let you out of there now, no matter how much you begged or used your ‘omega charms’ on them. You were trapped. At least the claim would offer you some protection from the others, or so you hoped.

What on earth had you gotten yourself into?

#my writing #my hero academia #bnha #shigaraki tomura #league of villains #omegaverse #shigaraki x reader #female!reader #f!reader #alpha!shigaraki #dubcon #halo.writes #halo.afterdark

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frosteee · 3 years

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The Existential Terror of Asura [Soul Eater]

It's been a long time since I've thought about Soul Eater, but I've been thinking about it a lot recently and I wanted to talk about it. I've been thinking maybe a bit too much, which is relevant.

Asura resonated (sorry) with me years ago when I first got into the series, and he does even more now, for what he says about fear and its effects, and how the wrong response to individuals suffering from that fear can cause a spiral into even worse depths.

[LONG ASS POST UNDER CUT]

Lord Death created the first Kishin, Asura. Literally and figuratively. There's no two ways about it. Excalibur tells him as much in his final moments, telling him how wrong it was to create a being out of his own fears. Lord Death acknowledges that Asura, his own son, was created as an experiment, a means to the end of becoming a perfect god of Absolute Order. The quote from Voltaire's short story 'Memnon' comes to mind here: 'One day, Memnon conceived the insane idea of becoming perfectly wise.'

This foolish, if well-intentioned, effort was successful in Lord Death's case, but the consequences for those around him were horrendous. Early in the manga, Lord Death is unable to admit it out loud. Even the way he recounts Asura's fall into madness and betrayal, and how he dealt with that consequence, speaks to Lord Death's detachment, his lack of compassion and understanding at that time. He removes his relation to Asura entirely, removing the truth of the matter and placing himself on the moral high ground in the process.

When he is recounting Asura's downfall, Lord Death remarks that he did not know what lay in Asura's heart, pondering if it was fear. He does not seem to realise or take responsibility for the fact that Asura is literally his anxiety incarnate. He understood on some level that no being, god or otherwise, could stand such a condition, and was careful not to make the same mistake with Kid, but Lord Death (at that point) was unable to admit or think of Asura as anything other than a traitor and a threat.

Lord Death taught Kid that the real purpose of a Reaper was balance - conveniently forgetting to mention how he came by that particular titbit of wisdom - his eldest son, the most unbalanced creature to ever breathe.

I remember being in the car on my way to school with my dad. At the time I was suffering from an intense anxious phase where I was deathly afraid of bad weather - even something as harmless as dark clouds. I would cry when I opened my curtains and looked out. I didn't want to leave the house. I remember my dad saying to me: "You keep this up, and you'll be a nervous wreck."

That scared me, but I didn't know what to do to stop being scared. My fixation with the weather passed, somehow, later, but when I was in the grip of it I was powerless to do anything because I didn't understand, and neither did my parents. I was already a nervous wreck, and the prospect of a future where this continued, or became worse, only terrified me more.

Luckily, while my dad was never the best at handling my fears (more from his own 'pick yourself up' mindset and fear for me than disinterest or lack of love), my mum was always there to get me the help I needed and talk to me about my feelings. I still struggle today, but I have a good support system and am better equipped to handle and understand my feelings.

Asura had nothing and nobody like that. His father, Lord Death, created a fully mature being with full concept of his own makeup - the fears that Lord Death had discarded, the fears that made Lord Death flawed, imperfect, and wrong. Lord Death made a son of one of the the most corrosive and self-sabotaging emotions and was surprised when that didn't turn out well!

Lord Death saw a man, his son, so utterly terrified by the world, people, and himself, that he couldn't bear to go out without the protection of layers upon layers of clothing, a being so crippled by fear that he kept everything and everybody at arm's length, even his own partner Vajra, and spent his days in a state of constant introspection, barely paying attention to the outside world and mumbling incoherently.

Lord Death looked at that man, that firstborn child of his, and allowed that to continue. There's no indication he tried to ease Asura's anxieties, or help him in any way. Asura was a powerful member of his elite order, and that seemed to be all that mattered until it was too late. What kind of parent sees their child in such a state and does nothing?

Who looks at this and does nothing?

Lord Death created a nervous wreck of a man, and was both surprised and furious when that nervous wreck finally broke under the strain. Lord Death and others talk about Asura 'forgetting his discipline/teachings' and disobeying, like he was supposed to magically be able to handle being mortally afraid!

Being so helpless against the condition of his being, Asura sought the only thing available to him - the only thing he was valued for: power, and disobeyed his father.

Lord Death's response? To rip all of Asura's skin off his body and seal him inside it for the next eight hundred years, and doing everything possible to keep Asura there.

We all know that sealing something away and putting a rug over it never works, especially in fiction, so it was only a matter of time before Asura was freed, but in an emotional and moral point of view it was so, so wrong.

Asura had been gripped in fear for all his life, unable to healthily cope with it, and spent so much time in his own head his thoughts were coming out of his mouth as frantic whispers. The worst thing Lord Death could have possibly thought of as a punishment was to isolate Asura entirely.

I don't remember if this appeared in the manga, but in the anime (Lord Death and Asura's second/final confrontation), Asura tells Death of the things he thought about while in that sack of skin, because the only freedom he had left was to think. The worst possible thing for anyone, especially someone suffering from anxiety, is to do nothing but think. All this exercise does, and did with Asura, is exacerbate and breed more anxieties, and further embed them into the mind.

Left with nobody but himself to find a way out of the existential terror of his own thoughts, Asura came to realise that he had been an experiment, a tool, not a son. He refers to our heroes at puppets of Lord Death, as he once was, and regards Lord Death as nothing but a tyrant. Up until the revelation that he and Kid are brothers, Kid himself had never questioned Lord Death. Asura had eight hundred years to do that.

Eight hundred years in a stew of your own existential dread.

In the anime series, Asura concluded that it was the ability to imagine the future that was the source of fear. He who had spent so long terrified of the what if's and maybes, tortured by uncertainty, he sought to create a world where there was nothing but the immediate, static present, where nothing like that could exist.

Lord Death's response? "Sorry, I'll kill you for real this time" or "I've had enough of your rants!"

In either anime or manga, he never addresses or responds to Asura's thoughts or feelings. Even when Lord Death realised the error of making his eldest son the way he was, he never communicated this to Asura personally. To Asura he was flippant, dismissive and angry, acting as if Asura was solely responsible for the evil he did when Lord Death knew it wasn't. He'd sooner punish and hurt Asura than actually help him, a consequence of becoming 'Order' with no room for those who challenge or question it. It's like taking a young offender into a prison full of nasty criminals and violence and being shocked when they come out worse than when they went in.

His suffering son is a blemish, a shame, a threat. At one point, Lord Death even threatens to put Asura through the same existential hell again. Can people really blame Asura for hating him and turning on everything Lord Death cares about (more than he ever did his own son)?

In making his anxiety a person, Lord Death was obviously going to detach himself from Asura as an individual. Asura is everything he wanted to dispose of, only powerful and capable of taking out his enemies en masse. He was clearly only kept around and tolerated for that purpose, but never looked upon or valued as a thinking being capable of feeling and reacting to the condition of his birth.

Asura is Lord Death's biggest, most horrendous and reprehensible act. It's not a mistake, either. Lord Death intentionally created Asura to be the way he was, with no mind for the consequences until it blew up in his face. And when it did, not only was Lord death not humbled or sorry, but he pinned all the blame on Asura in a fit of rage and punished him - and punished him in the worst way both for Asura himself and for the world in general.

Lord Death treated Asura and his mental breakdown like a rabid dog to be locked away and forgotten about. That is not something a good parent does. A good parent acknowledges their hand in their children's problems, they talk to them, they help them out.

Lord Death may have been a good father to Kid, but he was the absolute worst Asura could have had. And Kid, aside from that flicker of doubt, doesn't acknowledge it, continuing to praise Lord Death and be the true Death God Lord Death had wanted.

Asura lashes out and sees everything in the world as his enemy, a thing to fear, a thing to hate, and he could not conceive of anything except terror. He was completely unable to understand a state of peace, harmony, bravery, in the face of all the fear life throws at you. He was a nervous wreck until he died, and that scares me. I don't want to become like that, but it's difficult to imagine some days when you're gripped by this unnatural fear of something, even if you know what it is, that you can get better and be truly content.

Asura was never happy and always afraid. He was fucked over by his parent like Chrona was, but nobody (including the narrative) gave a shit. Yes, his actions were wrong, he had to be stopped, he couldn't be allowed lash out against the world and others like he was, but I still see Asura was a tragic figure who was fucked over by the person he needed most.

I'm sorry this is so long, I have a lot of feelings right now.

#Soul Eater #tw anxiety #anxiety discussion #mental health #Kishin Asura #Asura Soul Eater #Lord Death #Lord Death Soul Eater #Death the Kid #Death the Kid Soul Eater #spoilers #anime spoilers #Soul Eater spoilers #manga spoilers

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thefossilwhale · 3 years

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i filled out this super cool button character profile by @extraordinarymage for sabrina! thank you for making this, it was a lot of fun to fill out <3 the bulk of it is under a cut and oh boy is it long !!!

Short, Quick Reference

Name: Sabrina Wiseman

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Love Interest: Kent

Main personality trait: Confidence

Secondary personality trait: Morbidity

Relationship with Nick: Full of love, haunted by unaddressed guilt and frustration. But mostly full of love.

Nickname for Nick: Saint Nick (used sparingly)

Resentful or accepting?: Slightly resentful

Main strategy (interpersonal, insightful, innovative?): Insightful

Ethical or expedient?: Expedient

GENERAL

Name: Sabrina Larkspur Wiseman

Nickname(s): Sab, used by anyone; Sabby, only Nick and Sally; and, of course, Button for Nick.

Birthday: I think I made her an October Libra for the purpose of a template I did months ago, but I’m not sure! No concrete birthday yet, I’m always very slow to nail down details like this.

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Hair color + style: Blonde. A little past shoulder length, sometimes wavy. Usually a middle part. For Aeon, tied back in a bun.

Eye color: Blue, entirely because of the section of Frank O’Hara’s “Meditations in an Emergency” that goes, “My eyes are vague blue, like the sky...”

Height: 5′5

Piercings: Multiple in each ear, but a couple have started to close.

Tattoos: None yet! Sab likes the idea of a tattoo but is worried about finding the perfect design, whether she’d end up hating it, that the pain might be greater than she expects and she’ll look like a baby in front of her tattoo artist. I’d like to think she eventually consults Sally and/or Glitch to come up with an idea that she falls in love with, but I haven’t come up with what that would be!

Clothing style: Mostly solid colors, not a lot of patterns. Nothing super bright, but a fairly varied mix of pastels, neutrals, dark colors, black. Partial to denim skirts and sweater tops. Ankle boots. Likes a good turtleneck. She’s bolder when it comes to formal wear, and especially loves suits. Big fan of silk and satin.

Since she has a pretty accurate face claim, I’ll link some gifsets I’ve rb’d for appearance ref if you are so inclined.

STATS

I’m always adjusting minor things and swapping scenes around, but these are from my most recent Sab run! Most scores hover somewhere around these values.

Personality:

Confidence: 53%

Humor: 5%

Morbidity: 22%

Resentful: 57% | Accepting: 43%

Strategy:

Interpersonal: 12%

Insightful: 50%

Innovative: 10%

Ethical: 43% | Expedient: 57%

KEY DECISIONS:

What is Nick’s nickname and why?: Saint Nick, used very rarely. It’s a joking reference to the time she thought Santa was an evil Ment out to ruin Christmas, and a point about Nick overdoing it with the cheer. “Saint Nick” is usually code for “I know you mean well, but please mind your own business.” Otherwise, she just calls him Nick.

What is their favorite type of cookie (and its name and why?): Salted caramel chocolate chip! No special name.

What was their initial reaction to Sally hugging them, as kids?: She just froze. That could just be me projecting adult Sabrina onto her childhood self; I don’t imagine that she was as uncomfortable around strangers or quite as cautious back then. But that’s what I’ll stick with.

How did they ace the ASE test?: The in-game option she takes is “My entire life has revolved around strategic avoidance,” but the one about being just plain smart also sounds like her. If Sab has the chance to thoroughly (over)prepare for something, she will do it. Her mind blindness also has her constantly (over)analyzing situations. So, hard work and relentless anxiety!

Did they manage to win their first assignment? How?: Yes, by having Sally block the door. I’ve headcanoned some slight differences in how it plays out, which I wrote about in-depth here. To summarize, Sab thinks of blocking the door as a desperate last resort, not a clever loophole, and she pushes back against Rosy’s praise because she wishes she could have done it the “real” way. Rosy goes from being impressed to being annoyed that she’s willfully missing the point.

What was the primary emotion Button felt during the Aeon bombing (love, gratitude, etc?): Guilt. She feels very guilty about how much Nick has given up for her in general, but I think that in the moment, it’s on a smaller scale. The fact that Nick was on the phone with her when it happened, coming to her rescue like always, becomes emblematic of their whole relationship for her, and she really fixates on that.

Who drove them home from the hospital from and why?: Glitch. Sab responds to her initial text with “Are you sure?”, and is relieved when Glitch takes that as “Yes, please.” She doesn’t relish the idea of being around someone more connected to her family or Nick at that point.

How do they feel about Nick riding around in their mind?: Worried, at first. Just because it’s so unknown and absolutely insane. After seeing Doctor Amari, she’s excited! Sab is thrilled to be a Pollard Five and intends to take full advantage of it. I am not looking forward to seeing how she reacts when that’s taken away from her.

Why did Button agree to do the undercover mission?: To prove she still deserves to be an MIV. Sabrina feels stupid and reckless for putting herself, Nick, and Aeon in this position, but she knows she’s smart, and she hasn’t worked this hard for nothing. She wants to prove what she could do with a normal Pollard Score and make herself too valuable to give up even when she’s back to Zero.

Told Glitch about your mind blindness?: Depends on the playthrough. I’m constantly going back and forth on whether Sab meets Glitch for coffee or wanders the city with Nick in her second chapter 5 slot (after trying to track down Kent). If she does meet Glitch, though, she absolutely tells her; with how touchy Sab is about privacy, she couldn’t stomach not warning Glitch that Nick could hear everything they said.

Figured out K’s secret?: Nope. She finds enough of the clues to be given the “I knew it!” option in-game, but she didn’t actually put it together. Sab is too angry and embarrassed by learning that Kent is an AMO to find any reason to interrogate it. “The random guy I met before school just happens to be a jerk” is a perfectly sound explanation to her.

Found Noh’s clues?: Not at the metro station. Sometimes she sees the Vengeance brooms in chapter 5 (again, depending on the playthrough), but that’s it.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP:

Love Interest: Kent

Why them?: Sab feels an immediate kinship with Kent after learning about the NPO program. It’s kind of funny how quickly he moves from the least sympathetic position in her eyes (Ment who got past me and read my mind without my knowledge) to the most sympathetic (non-powered child of a prominent family aiming a league above where he “belongs”). A lot of new respect for his competence. Her fate is sealed when she realizes that his kindness at the hospital wasn’t him trying to make up for some wrongdoing, but just him being very sweet. (She had scoffed over “You needed help.” But now she’s like, “Oh. He meant that?! Fuck.”)

As they spend more time together, Sab realizes how weirdly similar they are in other ways, too. And she starts to feel safe/secure around him in a way that she’s extremely not used to. Growing up surrounded by Ments, Sab has a lot of issues about being too much, too difficult, needing to “be worthy” of love. So someone like Kent who is not a Ment, who has no “obligation” to care about her, and whose judgement she trusts implicitly? Being around him and being loved by him mean a lot, and I think will go a long way towards helping her reflect on her other relationships!

What are their first impressions of each other?: Okay, there are like 3 first impressions with Kent. First: he’s tall and handsome and secretly adorable, and they have similar career goals, so she’s drafting a five-month plan to woo him and get his number. Second: he’s a lying, self-obsessed loser who owes her many explanations. Third: oh no, the first impression was true! And he’s been continually, selflessly kind to her in spite of her overt hostility. Scratch the five-month plan, because the crush was only fun when it was entirely superficial; now she really, really likes him and that just sucks.

We know that Button makes a good impression on K by stopping for their dogs, but apart from that... I mean, the “we confused each other” from chapter 7 is very apt. Sab has lots of shifting personas, and Kent sees pretty much every one within 24 hours. The prevailing impression before everything gets cleared up is probably just that she cares a lot? About everything? Her stopping for the dogs, how seriously she takes the first assignment, the way she seems so deeply affected by something he said or did that morning. It’s a rare side of her to meet first because she usually pretends to be above everything.

What feature does your Button find most attractive in their RO (ex. appearance, personality, etc.)?: Probably his composure. And his... steadfastness? The way he seems unruffled by anything, his soothing presence. She really admires that about him and finds the calm contagious.

What do they do to spend time together?: Going on drives together! Kent driving while Sab plays songs she thinks he’ll like, talking or not talking. Cuddling on the couch while reading their own separate books. Museum dates. Walking the dogs together.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: I imagine that the first month or so of their relationship would be difficult, just because they’re both bad at expressing themselves and not used to relying on other people. Kent kind of negates a lot of Sab’s impulses to get defensive or hostile, so instead of arguments, I think there are more likely to be awkward periods where she’s just stewing in something without addressing it. Most of their fights would be, like, one of them becoming really distant for a concerning number of days until the other tries to awkwardly check in on them.

What does their future look like?: Uhh some random lore: I think eventually they do get married, despite neither of them caring that much about it. Sabrina would be excited to have something to plan, and she knows it would make the people around her happy. They have a long engagement; there’s never really an “official” proposal, just an acknowledgement that yeah, they’ll get married one day, and then eventually they get rings. The engagement is almost Sab’s favorite part, honestly. She likes planning and showing off her ring and calling Kent her fiancé, a lot of fanfare on her part for a wedding that ends up being very modest and chill.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in depth!)

Relationship with Nick: When I first started developing Sab, I thought that with as difficult/prickly as she can be, her relationship with Nick would be worse than it is. Never bad, but certainly strained, with more jealousy/resentment on her side. However, she rejected this. She is resentful, but never towards Nick—she internalizes the negative parts of their relationship so they manifest as guilt instead. And that’s the problem, not resentment. Sab thinks he’s overprotective, but that doesn’t make her angry; it just makes her sad. She wishes things were different and he didn’t feel so responsible for her, but she also doesn’t know how she could manage without him taking on so many of her burdens. So, guilt! So much love, but always looming guilt.

Having Nick in her head has helped. It’s added a new kind of guilt (“I’m a horrible person for being so giddy that people can’t hear my thoughts even though that requires my brother to be in a coma”), but getting inside Nick’s head for once and really feeling his love for her changes things. Makes her feel way more secure, I guess? It’s easier to see her brother as human person, a friend who loves her, rather than a perfect selfless paragon who sacrificed everything to raise her, which is an important shift.

There are also Things happening with self-presentation in the fact that they’re both models, and flirts, and pretend to be shallow. And the ways that they’ve responded to vastly different expectations. And selflessness versus selfishness. But I have no idea how to talk about that yet.

Relationship with Father: Strained and distant. Sabrina doesn’t necessarily blame him for leaving, but she hates how he’s handled it. She’s incredibly frustrated that John insists on keeping them in this miserable limbo of uncomfortable visits, even though moving away was (to her) a tacit acknowledgement that she and her parents are better off without each other. He’s trying to force a relationship that Sab thinks is ultimately harmful for everyone involved. For Nick’s sake, she’s willing to grin and bear the visits, but it never works because John can obviously tell it’s an act. He pushes her, she gets defensive, and so on to infinity.

Relationship with Mother: Like with John, Sab doesn’t resent Hope for the incident itself, or for leaving afterward. It was terrifying, and the idea of being around Hope makes her panic—but she thinks of that as just another irrational anxiety symptom, and she’s trying to work through it. What she does resent Hope for is letting it get to that point at all. Sab is incredibly bitter that Hope will suffer silently to the point of almost killing her (during the incident) and potentially herself (with the BRS), while Sab has no choice but to be completely open. Especially because they’re so similar in that way—she’s almost jealous. “Oh, so your silence is allowed to almost kill me and it’s ‘nobody’s fault’ but I can’t pretend to enjoy a single lunch with Dad without him calling me out for lying?”

And even though she doesn’t hold the incident itself against her, Sab is very hung up on “Why are you never quiet? Why are you always there?” She knows, on some level, that this was not a Personal Judgement against her. But because Hope keeps so much quiet, this is the only honest expression of her mother’s feelings that she can remember! It would take a lot for Sab to believe that Hope was really, genuinely interested in reconnecting with her, rather than just pretending to love her "enough” this time because to do otherwise would reflect poorly on Hope as a mother.

Relationship with Sally: Besties <3 Sally is the only member of the Wiseman inner circle that Sab doesn’t have complicated feelings about. They both have hidden morbid streaks that they bring out in each other, and can laugh about. They both have competitive streaks that work well together because they’re always on the same team. And their wants/needs from the relationship complement each other well, I think. Sally has always felt valued because she’s useful and not because she’s loved, while Sab has always felt smothered by love/care without feeling like she genuinely adds value to other people’s lives. So it means a lot to both of them that they’re able to help each other practically, while also genuinely loving and supporting each other outside of that.

Relationship with Gray: Full of trust and genuine care, but predicated on distance. Sab loves him a lot for being so careful not to cross any boundaries, physical or emotional, with her. She’s grateful that he’s there for Nick in a way that she doesn’t feel she can be. But "I like Gray because he doesn’t push me and is good to Nick” means that any hand he extend makes her defensive, because she’ll either view him as an emissary of Nick or start to panic because their normal routine is being disrupted (she doesn’t tell him about Hope in ch 3, for example).

They get along very well in a friend-of-a-friend sort of way, and bond over being cautious counterparts to Nick. Also, Sab never had a crush on Gray, but she is not immune to tall superhero and thinks it’s fun to fake flirt with him. (You know Isabela’s “You have pretty eyes” routine from DA2? Sab does that to Gray when conversations steer towards things she’d rather not talk about.)

Relationship with Glitch: I’m really excited about these two! They click from the start, and Sabrina feels immediately comfortable around Glitch, which makes her feel distinctly uncomfortable whenever she catches herself. Externally, they have pretty different personalities, but they’re both perceptive and... socially manipulative? aware of their self-presentation?... in ways that they both pick up on right away. So it’s a lot of conversational maneuvering and trying to figure out what the other’s game is, while also genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

Relationship with Kent/Kenna: I could go truly insane here. See the romance section above instead.

Relationship with Kim: Sab wants him to like her sooooo bad. He’s one of the only people to ever really get through to her, re: my headcanon conversation after the first assignment. Authority figures tend to treat her as special, whether that’s negatively because of her mind blindness or positively because she’s such an overachiever. She had no idea how to respond to that not being the case (and didn’t handle it well at first), but chapter 6 solidifies her respect for him.

It also turns Rosy’s opinion of Sab around; he was impressed by her in class but left his office thinking she was self-absorbed and naive. But the bombing is a reality check, and her response is very measured and practical in a way that surprises him.

Relationship with Lev: She doesn’t mind the comparisons to Nick or the “maybe one day they’ll fix you” comments as much as you might think. They aren’t her favorite, but she prefers that sort of thing to the inspirational platitudes belied by coddling that she got from her family growing up. Sab has fond memories of Lev and is grateful that he’s always been kind to her, but doesn’t have any particular feelings apart from that.

Relationship with Clarence: Holds a grudge against him for causing a scene, making her late, and generally being a jerk. But she can’t fault him for being right, after what happened! Mostly she just wants to avoid him, but she’ll be thrilled to lord her success over him if/when she proves herself.

Relationship with Dean Branham: Like Rosy, another authority figure that Sab desperately wants to impress. But without the personal investment she has in Rosy’s validation, more “Oh, this person is in charge, so I should make her like me!” Despite Nick’s and Rosy’s reservations, Sabrina doesn’t really have a problem with being “strongarmed” or manipulated into cooperating; for now, she figures Branham was just doing her job and respects her tactics.

Relationship/attitude towards Ments in general: Mostly just uncomfortable and wary around them. Sab doesn’t want her mind read, and she figures that no Ment wants to be forced to read it either. So she has a pretty strict “no Ments” rule for close personal relationships (excluding Nick, Sally, and Gray, of course. But only Nick really counts because he’s the only one who can hear her thoughts whenever she’s nearby). Not out of hatred or resentment, just because she knows it will be easier for everyone in the long run.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): Not many, but yes! Sab dated around a lot in the 2 years before Aeon (more like year and a half, because she completely shut it down once she was more focused on preparing for the MIV program), but there are 2 relationships that were formative/important for her. A high school sweetheart, and someone Sab met through modeling. She doesn’t keep up with her high school ex, but the model is her best friend outside of Sally and Nick, and they still keep in touch! I’m still developing them/the relationships, and I’ll probably post more about them someday. They’re fun!

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: Confusing and contradictory. She has two main modes that confuse people who meet both (e.g., Kent). She’s either cold, stuck-up, and sometimes hostile, OR she’s charming, frivolous, and sometimes flirty. Mode 1 is tense but stoic and inexpressive; mode 2 is seemingly relaxed but very posed and insincere. Mode 1 is for when she feels uncertain or has no agenda apart from “get to point B”; mode 2 is for when she’s more comfortable or trying to manipulate someone. Her actual personality is a bit closer to the second, but she doesn’t pretend not take things seriously or hide when she’s annoyed.

Strengths: Analytical, methodical, detail-oriented. Very driven and hardworking. May not always act like it, but does have social skills/charisma; a great liar, if you can’t read her mind. Unfailingly loyal and loving to her favorite people, so so so warm and affectionate and supportive if she really loves you. Very perceptive.

Weaknesses: Way too proud. Can be petty and vindictive. Self-absorbed (she doesn’t mean anything by it, but it’s hard for her to see past herself sometimes). Stubborn, hates being wrong. And... emotional isn’t the word, but strong negative emotions can really cloud her judgement. It ties into her being proud, petty, and stubborn; if she’s really upset about something, she can cling to that emotion instead of re-evaluating it or moving forward.

Phobias: From this ask about the phobias that are planned to show up in-game, there are a few that I could see fitting Sab, but I want to wait to see how they’re implemented before I fully commit. Which is very metagame-y, I know (and I am very metagame-y about IF), but “fear of X” is so broad that it really does depend on when/how it manifests in the text.

That being said, agoraphobia is almost a lock; crowds do make Sab very anxious if she can’t keep track of everyone within a certain distance, and if she can’t leave when she starts feeling antsy. Claustrophobia is a maybe. The choice that triggers it (in chapter 4, about hating MRI machines) suits Sab, but I’m not sure if she hates MRI machines because she hates tight spaces, or if it’s more related to her general anxiety about hospitals, medical tests, etc. Which she definitely has!

What activities/club did they do in school?: She avoided anything group-oriented as far as possible. She took piano (maybe violin?) lessons and did recitals, but wasn’t in orchestra. The one exception was maybe National Honor Society or some equivalent, which she would have joined for her resume’s sake. And I think she would have tutored!

Where do they escape to when they need space?: A little used library corner, where she can people watch without being seen/heard.

How do they feel about/cope with their mind blindness?: Sab hates it but tries not to dwell on it. She knows that it’s no one’s fault, and she mainly just tries to... minimize it? Drown out her thoughts, limit her contact with Ments. And, least healthily, very rigidly managing herself. Because there’s so much of her that exists outside of herself, without her control, she tries to either filter or completely suppress everything else. Part of why she got into modeling, she can perform and be perfect and have total control over the final product of her body in the photographs for whatever campaign. Some Day This Will Be Better. But definitely not where she is in current canon.

How has your Button changed since the Incident with Hope?: Developed many new anxieties and disorders and syndromes :) She also became way more self-conscious, as in literally conscious of and way more tightly monitoring herself, what she’s thinking, what she’s expressing, how she’s sitting, etc. Less emotive face, more rigid posture.

If they weren’t an Aeon student, what would they be doing?: Sab would have beaten herself up forever if she “proved everyone right” by avoiding Unity/Ments entirely, so she’d want to stay in the family business somehow. She probably would have ended up doing scientific research on mental agility. Maybe even working for Mirrortech or some other biotech company, which I imagine would have been an interesting conversation to have with the family.

RANDOM FACTS:

Zodiac sign: Like I said, I assigned her Libra months ago for the sake of a template. But I don’t know enough about astrology to commit. Libra or Leo, probably.

Hobbies: Music, reading poetry, “cooking” (i.e., sitting on the counter and not helping while Nick makes dinner)

Likes: Watching other people (Nick) play video games, dressing up, taking long showers/baths, dark chocolate with caramel, back hugs

Dislikes: Being patronized, hot weather, going to the doctor, driving, doing anything she is not good at

Type of bedsheets: Bamboo.

Drink of choice: Cucumber mint lemonade! For hot drinks, some kind of caramel coffee. For alcohol, she refuses to get drunk because she’s terrified of having even less control of her mental broadcast, but at home/around people she trusts she’ll have a glass or two of wine. Doesn’t know enough to be picky, but doesn’t like it too sweet.

Favorite food: Probably some pasta dish Nick makes with asparagus and tomatoes and a lot of garlic.

Favorite color: Like a light turquoise!

Favorite music: Music to her was another mind-shielding tactic before anything else, so she tends to like upbeat-ish electronic/pop stuff. Catchy and repetitive, and/or with lots of personality to drown out her own thoughts. On the other end of the spectrum, she does have a soft spot for crackly, lo-fi, old or old-sounding slow songs—something about fuzzy recordings simulating a weak telepathic signal.

Favorite season: Hmm, spring and autumn are both good. She likes either side of winter.

Anything else you’d like to share: My heart and a long, fulfilling marriage, with anyone who reads all this 💍

#wow this is so long. insanity luv lit ral insanity #this was super helpful for articulating certain things about sab's character so it's already done its job #pls do not feel pressured to read Thousands of words about sabrina my beloved. but if you read all or even some of this <333 a kiss for you #why am i embarrassed to overshare about my own ocs on my own blog. i live here #oc: sabrina wiseman #also this was very much a stream of consciousness deal but i tried to go back and make it comprehensible. good luck all ye who enter here

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dappercritter · 4 years

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Random She-Ra Season 5 Thoughts: THE FINAL RAMBLING

Yep. I finally got all my crazy absurd thoughts about this gay adventure-romance-drama cartoon summarized into one incoherent yet fun to read computer document/article! ...four months after the show itself ended. Oh well, no one’s perfect. Anyways, there are a whole lot more insane observations than ever before, so I had to put it below a link so this thing didn’t back up my blog or any of yours. Hope you enjoy reading through these as much I enjoyed spouting them for no discernible reason other than I felt like it!

-I feel that since is the last season, I ought to talk about an important part of the show that I’ve been putting off: the animation. It’s… okay. It’s definitely smoother than what the original 80’s show and it’s brother series (heheh) looked like, but at the same time it still seems to suffer from similar limitations which causes some distracting moments of stiffness. But other than that, it’s pretty good. It’s no Titmouse or Studio Mir but it looks good and it gets the job done.

-After all, let’s not forget: “Imperfection is beautiful!”

-Even when things are at their lowest, Adora is a jock with a heart of gold.

-Horde Prime and the Galactic Horde’s aesthetic feels like a mixture of Catholicism, Scientology, Heaven’s Gate, and modern Microsoft, and honestly, that just makes him creepier.

-Speaking of Horde Prime, he didn’t waste any time with destroying Bright Moon. …apparently.

-Furthermore, on the topic of his giant holographic messages, WAS THAT A FREAKING MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE MOVIE REFERENCE?!

-Boy, Glimmer and Catra sure got along quickly! It’s almost like they magically understand each other because they both assumed leadership roles and screwed up big time! …I guess.

-Either that or this season is going to be a speedrun.

-Wow, the Rebellion sure got used to having a once-thought-dead king as well as a known enemy general/abuser running around their camp awful fast, didn’t they?

-Mara’s got a spaceship, a cyber girlfriend, a magic grandma, a dragon, a tragic backstory, AND a force ghost?! Dang, even in death, the girl’s got it all. No wonder everyone likes her!

-(*me looking at the TV rating at the start of episode*) “Why is language in there? Is there surprise cuss words or something in this season?” (*sees Horde Prime seize control of a clone for the first time*) “HOLY FREAKING SH—oh that’s why.”

-Applause to the crew for making the “dinner with Prime” scene for making a meal between a sparkly princess, a catgirl, and alien cult leader feel even more uncomfortable than it had a right to.

-(*me throughout the season whenever a clone was onscreen*) Is that Hordak? Is that him? Is that him? Is that him right there? Oh it is—oh no wait. … Is that h—

-Extra applause for having Glimmer learn from her grey-area wetwipe phase and refusing to sell out her friends again whilst telling the imperialist cult leader where to stick it.

-I would pay a sizeable portion of my life savings to hear what a Scorpia and Swift Wind duet would sound like.

-In fact, I’d double it if it was just Scorpia singing.

-Ah what the heck. I would triple it for an entire She-Ra musical!

-As happy as I am to see to see Entrapta interacting with the other princesses again, I have to say that their big reunion left me with some mixed feelings. Here’s a quick rundown:

-Entrapta, a grown autistic woman, being led around on a leash by non-neurodivergent teenagers—again: that’s bad.

-The Princesses confronting Entrapta about joining the Horde: that’s good!

-The Princesses blaming all their problems with the Horde bots on Entrapta’s actions and her hyper fixations alone: that’s bad.

-Entrapta explaining herself, admitting that she regrets her mistakes, and getting the Princesses to understand that she thinks and communicates differently, but in spite of that, she really does want help find Glimmer: that’s good!

-Entrapta never gets to call out the Princesses for how poorly they treated her: that’s bad.

-Entrapta saves the day and goes to space: that’s good!

-Scorpia and Entrapta still haven’t interacted even though the former is with the Rebellion in the first place because she went to look for her because she is her best friend: …can I go home now?

-How nice! Michah finally got to shapeshift!

-And he’s rocking that She-Ra outfit to boot!

-So is Darla a back up of Light Hope or do they just run on the same operating system and have the same voice?

-I could watch an entire season of Adora, Bow, and Entrapta going on space adventure in a rundown ship with their custom-made spacesuits, tbh.

-Is anyone else weirded out that Catra’s younger self looked at her in her flashback(?).

-Actually what WAS happening there, anyhow?

-(*watching Bow’s spacewalk to save Glimmer*) “Is that a Gravity reference?” asked the man who never saw Gravity.

-Speaking of spacewalks, how did Glimmer survive those precious few seconds in space? Does the teleporter teleport a breathable atmosphere too?

-Also, Catra, WHY did you think it would be a good idea to teleport Glimmer into space? I know you had a plan and the ship was right there but… Ah, never mind.

-Not that I’m complaining but Glimmer’s apology to the rest of the friend squad for her HORRIBLE plan last season went… surprisingly quickly.

-You know as cool as The Star Siblings are, being a quirky band of space-travelling siblings with cool powers and some trans rep to boot, I only have one small problem with them: weren’t there already Star Sisters on Etheria back in season 1?

-That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about Masters of the Universe characters to dispute it.

-Entrapta confirmed pan, objectum, AND horny on main. Dang girl, you’re gonna have fun whether you got Hordak back or not…

-“The Velvet Glove” is both a menacing and stupid name for a decadent overlord’s mothership.

-Wait, it’s from the 80’s canon? Oh. That kind of explains it, actually.

-Goshdangit, I wanted Catra to face punishment for her crimes, but I didn’t think that would involve going to evil alien conversion therapy!

-Nor did I want her to die! For a second. Actually, since it obviously wasn’t going to last I was… weirdly okay with that part???

-Horde Prime seems awfully okay with Catradora. I mean he’s still super creepy and manipulative about it, but also oddly progressive for an evil brainwashing cult leader.

-(*Adora transforms into a She-Ra through seer will*) First of all, called it. Second of all, WOAH MAMA now that’s a glow up!

-Wrong Hordak did not have to be a thing, and yet, I’m glad that he is.

-Hordak remembers the LUVD crystal and Entrapta… Hordak remembers Entrap—! It’s happening! Oh my gosh, it’s happening! Everybody stay calm!

-Wow, Entrapta didn’t have to be so forgiving of Catra for everything she’s done to her but she did. Only I’m not sure if that was Entrapta taking the high road or the low road.

-Or which road the crew took for that matter.

-I remember when I thought those “Chipped AUs” floating around here on tumblr were just something the fans came up with and that chipping people was not an actual despicable thing Prime does in canon. I miss those days.

-I know it’s not the same as before or the original design, but True She-Ra’s designs and powers? I think they slappin’.

-Hooray, Adora and Catra are finally making up! And it only took four and half seasons worth of communication failures, toxic villainous behaviour, and physical violence for Catra to snap out of it!

-…We can go back to Entrapdak now, right?

-Poor Elberon. First they unknowingly adopt a double agent then get invaded by the Horde and now they’re getting brainwashed and chipped by the Galactic Horde. They might be a cute village, but they got some pretty lousy security.

-You know it’s cute that Micah is doing his best to be friends with Frosta and get back in touch with his dad-side, but look I can’t be the only one worried about how the local King is a less proactive leader than the princesses or the known war criminal/abuser, right?

-“The Perils of Peekablue” or as I like to call it, “You Thought ‘Boys Night Out’ Caught You Emotionally Off-guard? Hah! Watch This.”

-You know I didn’t think Scorpfuma would be a thing aside that one moment of flirting near the end of season 4, but they really pushed for it to be a thing! This is… actually pretty great! Perfuma’s not perfect, and I would have appreciated giving them a little more time to bond and form some real chemistry, but at least she reciprocates Scorpia’s sweetness instead of rebuffing it in increasingly aggressive fashion.

-I’m not sure what’s more concerning: that Mermista set a boat on fire, that it’s worded like she had a fling as part of some experimental phase, or that Sea Hawk is turned on by this.

-Peekablue might not be real, (I think?) but he is one dapper dude! Female-to-male redesigns could learn a thing or two from him.

-It involved them getting stung and seizuring, but that was a heck of a way to reintroduce Double Trouble! I swear I got watching them cycle through their transformations in some sort of physical reaction.

-Or maybe that was just me worrying about their wellbeing…

-Okay, I get the Chips are huge, and actually rather clever threat, but how do these characters get chipped in the first place? I get there are chipped people who spread the chips throught the population but where do they get those from???

-Do one of those Horde Prime drones just sneak behind someone, slap a chip on their nape then hand them a whole bagfull and say, “Beep boop beep, Horde Prime’s Light, blah blah blah. Alright have fun, kiddo”?

-Or is it some sort of Alien: Covenant deal where they’re just floating around and Lord help you if one sticks to you?

-HOLY CRAP THEY ACTUALLY GOT SCORPIA TO SING! AND SHE WAS GREAT!

-Oh shoot. Guess I owe the crew twice my life savings now…

-Entrapdak might be what got me into this show, but it’s Double Trouble that kept me around, so you can imagine how happy I was to see them make their grand reappearance!

-Conversly, you can imagine my disappointment when they just disappeared until the finale.

-And on that note: HOW DID YOU GUYS LOSE DOUBLE TROUBLE?!

-You forgot to cherish them, didn’t you?

-So, Scorpia sacrifices herself just after finding a new girlfriend and gaining some newfound confidence, Mermista and Sea Hawk are split up,and Double Trouble didn’t join the main cast. Why can’t you just have fun like a normal cartoon, show?

-Gosh, I love me some shifting title cards!

-Is it just me or did they sneak in some more Annihilation references on Krytis?

(-Said the guy who was too chicken to watch the movie and just read about it and watched a few clips online.)

-(*audibly sighs*) FINE. I guess I like Catradora now. Are you happy now, SPOP Crew? ARE YOU?!

-Hooray, Catra’s got a emotional support animal! And they’re a shapeshifting magic alien cat. Those are the best kind!

-Is it weird that I knew that weird glowing stuff on Krytis was just magic all along, or was it just not hidden very well. Anyways, I like Krytis. I like that we got to see a truly alien world with its own form of magic.

-Plus, we got a logical advancement of the magic versus science subtheme with magic being Horde Prime’s weakness! Neato!

-Getting back on the “which is worse?” wagon for a second, I don’t know what feels less right: that Wrong Hordak’s big revelation and his resolution to free himself and his brothers and friends from Horde Prime’s control is played humorously, or that Real Hordak should be the one having this moment.

-That bit with Castaspella and Shadow Weaver where she tells Casta about Etheria being a living thing with inherent magical property, or whatever, while we got a peaceful shot of some boar creatures sleeping was actually kind of nice. It would have been nicer though if it wasn’t part of a power hungry abuser’s obvious scheme. If only there was a kindly old witch lady character who was in touch with nature and knew just what to say when someone was feeling downOH WAIT.

-Furthermore… Why did Shadow Weaver and Castaspella need to have romantic tension?

-Seriously though, where’s our Madame Razz quota this season? Where’s my supportive magic grandma timelord at, yo?

-Yup, they speedran this season.

-I’m actually really disappointed we didn’t see more of an intergalactic new rebellion rising up to fight Horde Prime’s forces across the universe. Especially if it meant we got to see more Star Sibling action!

-Again, I adore Wrong Hordak but I keep wondering what was keeping the crew from just bringing in Original Flavour Hordak. (You know, aside from teasing us Entrapdak fans and trying to distract us with a loveable new character in the meantime.) I mean he could have done the whole infiltrating the clone squads and tricking them bit, too.

-Heck, he could have done the wink, too!

-I’d gleefully point out Loo-Kee’s cameo this season but apparently, they already made some several seasons ago. That’s what I get for not rewatching the 80’s show and training my eyes first.

-(*sees Erelandians*) Are those freaking Toads and Toadettes?

-So, what’s keeping them from just hitting Spinerella’s chip again? Besides emotional baggage and gale force winds, I mean.

-Perfuma coming out of a cave scared out of her wits, demanding to know who’s there, clinging to her friends as soon as they come back, and balling her eyes out is a big, BIG mood.

-Frosta absolutely decking Catra in the face was nestled somewhere between cathartic and excessive.

-Netossa spraying her with a bottle of water on the other hand…

-Oh, so Greyskull was the name of a Rebel Squad! I think. Meh, the important thing is we got an explanation and it still sounds cool.

-Leave it to a couple of dads to make a secret message out of a dad joke.

-You know I made fun of Light Hope for being creepy, but I swear that avatar from the Spire is even creepier. I don’t know if it’s her face—those dang blank eyes, man—or just that it she’s less animated than the real thing, but it just felt… off.

-Aww, Noelle made Netossa’s princess weakness illustrations! So cute!

-Forget episodes that deserves Emmys, Keston John deserves one for voicing Hordak, Horde Prime, all the clones, and several minor villains and giving each and every single one a distinct voice! Where my king’s respect, eh?

-Yes, Catra you had a small disagreement with Hordak. …Over sending his girlfriend and your “friend” to DIE IN A LITERAL LIVING HELL.

-Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

-Why does Perfuma get pressured to get angry and go wild when Entrapta’s the one who’s had it the worst out of all them? Why can’t my gamer girl go berserk, dammit!?

-Okay, but really, how do these fricking chips work??? Are they parasite devices who store Horde Prime’s Baptizing Dew then slowly pump it into their host’s bodies? Do they have their own nervous systems? Are they technorganic? Also, how and why do we need to make these chips are bigger threat then they need to be?

-Horde Prime showing up on Hordak’s throne in grand Killing Joke style and casually throwing shades at his brother’s overblown attempts to impress him is pretty awesome, but it feels strangely underdeveloped. Hordak’s not there to have his hard work insulted and we never got to see Adora have any similar encounter with Hordak here before, so unless you look at it from the perspective of someone who has been here before in the Horde story like Catra it lacks the dramatic weight it should have had.

-Scorpia resisting the chip to save her new friends was pretty great, though.

-I swear, when they got to the scene where Adora and the others figured out that Shadow Weaver was grooming her so she could use her to get to the Heart of Etheria, I was mouthing “You B***H” through the whole thing.

-They really brought back Etherian deep magic just so they had something to make Micah threatening. …okay.

-Okay, the rest of “Failsafe” messed me up, so here’s a rundown on all the other messy thoughts I had while the show ripped my heart and ground it to dog food:

-Entrapta and Hordak reuniting: Yay!

-Swift Wind yanking her away before she can get through to him: Boo.

-Catra encouraging Adora to try and take care of herself for a change: Yay!

-Adora hurts Catra and she runs away: Boo.

-Adora finally calling out Shadow Weaver on what an utterly horrible person she is: Yay!

-Adora resolves to risk sacrificing herself to save the world: Bo—okay, seriously, was all this suffering really necessary, show?

-I know I mentioned in my previous She-Ra random thoughts that I supported Glimmadora, but I am okay with Catradora and Glimbow ending up canon. The only problem I have is how rushed they feel—moreso with Glimbow. With Catradora, the crew had an entire season to make it work again and they took it. Glimbow it feels like they were down to the last few episodes and went, “Oh right, we were gonna do something with these two!” then did their darndest to fit in some chemistry in between all the other stuff going down.

-As ominous as it was, the music where Horde Prime starts hacking Etheria honestly SLAPS.

-Okay, I know everyone is magic or something, but I am legit surprised getting electrocuted in water didn’t kill the heroes right then and there.

-Sea Hawk tries to flirt with his girl even as she’s trying to kill him. Truly, he is a man of taste.

-What do you know, Shadow Weaver can only do good when she’s (canonically!) punch drunk.

-You know a whole lot of this could have been avoided if Holo-Mara was Adora’s mentor instead of Light Hope.

-When I think about it, it was actually really clever to make Horde Prime the final villain for Adora to face: a domineering decadent man who’s been in power forever against a humble emotionally vulnerable compassionate young woman.

-Not to mention the divide between cult-like oppression and progressive freedom. Or something.

-Holy crap, did the First Ones get a great freaking a Great Old One for a guard dog?!

-So, you guys seriously didn’t bring Angella back to reunite with her family OR mention her all season after the impact her death had on everyone all last season until Glimmer needs a power-up at the last possible minute and then you never bring her up again. That is absolutely a dick move in bird culture.

-Entrapta’s hacker sticker gives me life. Gamer girl gremlin princess forever!

-On the one hand, I’m disappointed that Adora and Catra don’t get to have an awesome couple battle against the security monster and win. On the other hand, Shadow Weaver is finally dead. YAY!

-With apologies to the writers and especially Lorraine Toussaint. She did splendidly bringing this character to life and even if I hated Shadow Weaver, I adored the effort she put into making her one of the most emotionally complex villains I’ve ever seen.

-Words cannot, will not, and will never describe the pure joy that I experienced when I first saw Hordak’s big scene: standing up to and disowning his tyrant brother, saving Entrapta, declaring his love to her (albeit in a nicely lowkey fashion), and then throwing Horde Prime to his apparent doom Disney style with Entrapta cheering him with sheer glee. GOSH, it was everything I could have hoped for from this season!

-Now if only they kept the deleted scene where they got a moment to themselves before Prime body-jacked him again like the creepy sonuvabich he is.

-Horde Prime just wouldn’t be a religious villain if he didn’t tell everyone to burn.

-Bonus points for actually trying to burn the frigging planet.

-Aside from the idea of Adora switching to wearing a She-Ra themed dress everywhere in the future, the future vision was really quite sweet, and seeing Prime step in to ruin it made it all the more impactful.

-Can I just say that it’s absolutely wonderful that the show, for all it’s flaws, said “**** senseless heroic sacrifices”?

-BREAKING: Lesbian cat finally makes up with her jock ex, has a canon kiss so pure it saves the world!

-In other news, Catradora fans are still spoiled rotten.

-Wow, look at all those character comebacks they skipped through! Look, there’s the chefs from Dryl, Double Trouble, Huntara, the Horde Trio, Imp, Madame Razz—are you kidding me?!

-Grumbling aside, I actually find the idea of the Horde Trio and Imp getting involved in a G-rated science-fantasy version of the first Hangover movie quite amusing.

-Oh dang, they pulled a Castle in the Sky with the Velvet Glove!

-As nice as it was to see Aodra save Hordak from Horde Prime and destroy the latter through exorcism via sheer compassion, I’m rather disappointed we never got to see She-Ra go full Metal Gear Solid Rising: Revengence on any creepy old cult leaders.

-Yeah, it would have gone against the “love conquers all” set up, but love takes on many forms, does it not? So, why can it not manifest as cleaving your mortal enemies with extreme prejudice to save your loved ones?

-Furthermore, in addition to Holo-Mara being a better mentor, Hordak raising Adora instead Shadow Weaver could have prevented a lot of similar problems. Maybe. Possibly.

-Eh whatever, he has a lifetime’s worth of fanfiction to make up for it.

-ENTRAPDAK IS CANON, ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD.

-And so is Catradora and Glimbow! That’s nice, too.

-Aww, how sweet of them to skip through Catra and Scorpia, and Glimmer and Micah’s big reunions! It’s not like we’ve been waiting forever for this stuff or anything. HahahahAHAHAHDHAHAHFHAFHKSADJHFKAJHDfine.

-And so it all ends with everyone either friends, in love, or both, as heroes decide to make up for it all with a grandiose sequel promising more exciting space adventures we probably won’t see! HOORAY!

-All snarky ranting aside, I actually really enjoyed the finale. It was exciting, heartwarming, and above all it ended on happy, hopeful note without leaving too many frustrating questions unanswered. (*glares with utmost contempt at Voltron and Star vs. The Forces of Evil*)

-You know, this wasn’t bad for a final season, but I think this might have worked better as two seasons. Not in Netflix’s cheap “split a regular 13-episode season in two 6-7 episode long seasons” strategy, but I mean two full seasons with their own storylines leading up to the grand finale:

-First, one that starts out with Horde Prime’s arrival the downfall of Etheria, focuses on the space adventures, ends with their return to Etheria and gives the characters time to recuperate from season 4.

-Then, we have one final season that focuses on the Best Friend Squad’s Return to Etheria, Horde Prime’s plan, gives everyone more time to properly reconcile before ¾ of the entire cast gets chipped, sets up a new Rebellion made up of Princess Alliance and former Etherian Horde members, maybe even set up a proper Hordak redemption arc or something, and then our big happy ending.

-On a mostly unrelated note, I also feel that the whole show could have turned out even better if it had been either a dedicated science-fantasy war drama with some levity (like the good Star Wars shows or Avatar: The Last Airbender) or a lighthearted yet empowering slice-of-life action-adventure romcom (i.e. basically a well-made remake of the original show in the style of Adventure Time and Parks and Rec or something).

-My final random thought for this whole thing: we really could have used a triumphant end credits song or something. Aside from obviously recommending Fabulous Secret Powers, I would have also recommended the original 4 Non Blondes “What’s Going On,” a reprise of “Warriors,” Gorillaz’s “We Got the Power,” or (my favourite) Talking Head’s “(Nothing But) Flowers” since the ending scenes remind me of it.

Thanks again to the crew for giving me something to live for and/or complain about!

Now, let’s hope the He-Man reboots do as well...

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cowboypossume · 4 years

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so i reread keeper of the lost cities and here’s my fresh input:

a note before we begin: you know how people fake throw up at things on tik tok? this book is the reason i now unironically do that.

dex and fitz really have the enemies to lovers troupe going for them and i’m ok with it. i really am.

so do sophie and biana at the beginning but it fizzes out so a better description is enimies to friends to lovers

marhella and stina give me such power top energy i cannot express how much i think that contributes to people not liking them

speaking of stina i wish sophie didn’t just immediately hop onto the bandwagon of “oh she’s evil” without investing further, especially with how much she is written as a ‘good’ person (which i can and will defend to the day i die that good people don’t exist but that’s for a different day).

there’s way too much heteronormativity and Patriarchical Ideas mushed into the book. like three hole pages of a 488 page book of teenagers being like “oooooo girls like guys and guys like girls” only for della to join in. not to mention the amount of times keefe is the reason for those ideas because he’s teasing like “oh fitz has a girlfriend”

keefe and fitz didn’t have as many bonding moments™️ in this book as i remember, but they stil know each other really well, have comfortability around each other, and would make a 10/10 best friends to lovers troupe.

oh my god s o many crushes i swear. like two teenagers of the opposite gender really can’t not like each other apperantly

i miss read a line and really thought there was cannon sexism for me to do a whole ass rant about in the notes part of my analyzation but n o p e

but we do have classism, sexist stereotypes, and the fact that there’s been SO many characters who’ve spoken and ✨🌺far too many of them are white🌺✨

oh also: no ones disabled. which annoys me because their society is described as ‘euptopic’ almost implying that it’s something that makes people problematic, which,,,, no

ok a side note on the society, i understand that the story’s message (kinda) is that things that seem perfect are probably deeply flawed, but something tergan said stuck with me. on a page i can’t remember at the moment he says something like “[the black swan exists] in a society that doesn’t have rebels”, which it suck with me bc that’s boarderline dystopic if it’s not there already. it’s one thing for laws not to be broken, but when you think your society is so perfect despite it having obvious flaws and you think that no one rebels, then i really hate to break it to you, you have a massive rebellion about to occur; it’s just scented as foul under your resplendent nose.

please stop flirting. i get its part of teenagers being teens but i swear if i read “s/he realeased a breath” or “their heart fluttered” or literally ANYTHING like that god no.

yall. i missed dex. he actually has more role in this book than ‘you can gadget and we need one’ and oh boy i really missed him. he’s a BEAN and deserves better.

hole’s said everyone deserves better and i absolutely agree so we’re adding that note here.

if you do what i did and read this book out loud to one of your best friends who has no clue anything about this weird fandom and give fitz a really deep voice for no reason it’s comdy GOLD.

i really think i’m reading too much into this point but iggy seems,,,, symbolic to me?

like ok with humans, sophie didn’t ‘fit in’, right? like she grew up hearing things like “why can’t you be normal like your sister” (which i can do a whole other rant about how that will affect her for the rest of her life just a s k)

not to mention looking really different from her family and graduating high school at age twelve

but you know who never judged her?

m a r t y

so anyway sophie meets this teal-eyed, movie star smiled wonder boy who takes away her entire knowledge of everything she’s known while taking away her family too

and it turns out even in a place of weirdos she still manages to be the exception to everything

and she doesn’t have the comfort to hear what people are really thinking about her anymore (which as i said before say the word and i’ll deadass write a whole speech about how everything she heard will completely fuck up every relationship she has) which unfortunately means that she grew used to confirming people didn’t like her but now she doesn’t have that

she has to adapt to this new space and feel like she’s always felt, like an outcast in a place that was accepting, but yet again, she the exception to everything

but about halfway through the book she starts to become more comfortable around grady and edaline and that’s when iggy comes in

she finds him while cleaning garbage, and grady compliments her. they have a bonding moment and it’s because of this t h i n g. and then sophie actually feels proud not only does she take up a room, but she did something

and her new parents are proud of her

so she finally feels like she BELONGS because she helped out at the place where she lives/they work

to me it seems iggy is kinda a manifesto of the world building and character development that happens in this book

i think the plot/character arc is fixated a little too much on how different sophie is. like, i get it, she’s exception to everything, but the plot really didn’t need her to be that quirky. yes, she’s different, but there’s a lot more to the plot and her character than how different she is.

also, i had to reread pages a lot bc i needed an exact paragraph number and,,,, it’s really paced like a fanfic

some questions i have about the society is:

it’s established that they use books, physical papers, etc., and the only thing i remember about trees is the speech alden gave her about how she doesn’t know the name of their most popular tree, and the fact that people become trees when they die. even then i don’t think the second one is in this book. never o n c e do i remember something about planting trees that aren’t dead elf’s, so do they feel the affects of deforestation and that jazz?? like if they use trees, will they run out of them? can they??? and do they use the coffins of elf’s for paper??

this is more of a rant than a question, but here it goes anyway. in foxfire, students have a testing system very similar to the one in america: a huge test at the end of the year determines the future of a student. that in of itself doesn’t sound too drastic, right? well,,,,, not necessarily. several studies have shown that tests in general, but especially these types, don’t work. despite how good or bad of a teacher i think my past and current teachers have been, every single one of them hates this system that we have in place. they know it’s an unfair assessment that does it’s damnist to make you fail, and they’re trying so hard to denounce it. however, that doesn’t happen at all in the lost cities. in fact, most of the teachers pride themselves on failing students. so if elf’s are in such an advanced society, why do tests still exist? especially in an environment where the consequences are far greater than just staying back a grade.

so sophie’s figuring out that major problems exist in the world the elf’s created, right? i wonder if more society structured problems exist more than ‘oh bad people do things and the law justifies which is what’. like, as i’ve previously stated, there’s sexist stereotypes presented (like girls like dresses and guys don’t), but does sexism still exist? does racism exist? it’s established that poverty isn’t a thing because of the fund elf’s have at birth and their limited usage of money (which if you understand please explain bc i don’t really get how they buy stuff but still don’t use money) but if someone gets shipped off to exile, do they lose their money? is it possible for elf’s to starve to death because they can’t afford food? do they pay for food?? if they did starve who would they call? because someone on this website, who’s post i tried to find but i couldn’t so if y’all know what i’m talking about please link it, brought up a good point that elwin is a school physician, he shouldn’t be dealing with the near-death experiences sophie has, so who would they turn to? especially if they don’t have access to foxfire because they got exciled??

is therapy a thing in this world? sophie and dex could really benefit from it, yet mental health has only been brought up when someone went insane, which REALLY shows how little they think about it.

that perfectly transitions into my next point: sophie and dex’s trauma. i really don’t get the vibe that there was much thought going into their kidnapping, other than sophie needed something to trigger her inflecting ability and establish the black swan are on the good side, which really sucks because wow trauma doesn’t happen lightly. and the fact that it happened seems rushed to me, but i’ll come back to that. but anyway, their trauma doesn’t get developed that deeply in this book because it wasn’t given the space to. they were beaten, tortured, starved, gagged, and who even knows what else for t e n d a y s, only for them to find them again, repeat the process, but someone saves them and dumps them into an illegal city and they both nearly die from dehydration, coldness, and lack of concentration, and you’re telling me after three days of conscious of bed rest sophie wants to get her failing out of school over with? ma’am, it takes more time than that to adjust to THAT alone, not to mention the realization that “hey your entire life is fake because people genetically altered you to be their weapon in a war so much bigger than yourself” that was recently dumped on her. like,,,, you really expect me to think that three days is what made her feel prepared and CONFIDENT? no sir. i don’t buy it.

coming back to it being rushed: the book starts out slow and then really hits the ground running and doesn’t stop. so much more stuff happens in the second half of the book than the first and it never gets fully developed it feels like. in the first half sophie moves away but gets a new family and struggles a bit but adapts, fires maybe but hey don’t worry about it, dex hates fitz, fitz is ✨d r e a m y ✨ but our main girl doesn’t like him like that, right?, stina’s a bitch, and sophie is a quirky girl and telepath but can’t tell anyone. pretty basic stuff, not too plot intensive. the second half though: sophie almost fails her midterms but doesn’t, grady and elaine want to unadopt her (which that’s never really explained as to why they do that but ok) fires exist in san degio but they’re fine but they’re actually a rebel elf so..., sophie accidentally breaks a law but it was an accident so it’s fine, update on the fires: sophie burns herself trying to get the evidence that it’s a rebel elf and it works, she’s the moon lark and basically a weapon bc no one knows her well enough to evaluate her safety, sophie and dex get kidnapped but fitz can now transmit to her and she has two new abilities so it’s all good, trauma doesn’t exist except for nightmare you can fix with sedatives, sophie doesn’t fail out of school, and yayyy her family doesn’t want her remove their adoption. there’s probably a lot more that i missed, it’s just that’s a LOT of stuff crammed into a little bit further than the second half of the book that really could have been devolped or explore further instead of forcing into less than 244 pages, ya know?

fitz’s eyes are mentioned seven times, the first time being on page TWO of the novel

his smile is mentioned three times

alden says “no reason to worry” five times, he writes it once, and sophie points out he says it a lot so he chances it slightly to something like ‘don’t stress about it’ so i didn’t count those though i should have

speaking of alden, in this book he’s absolutely creepy, but something that stands out to me is how much he calls sophie girl. i didn’t count it, but he said “that’s a good girl” to sophie too many times for it to be normal especially when you consider how he doesn’t do it to anyone else.

i kinda forgot i was annotating for sophie’s anxious habit of pulling out her eyelashes so i got she did it twice, but i highly doubt that number

but i will keep adding to this when i actually do the words with my annotations.

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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what’s up i have had like a migraine-hangover that has tanked my ability to concentrate on anything at all today except Takes. penny/kady was a relationship that made intuitive sense because of shared mutual interests (being insanely hot, petty crimes, hating nerds). between that, penny flirting while tied up with prof whose name i can never remember because i am always too excited that cutthroat bitch from house is on my TV speaking of shows that managed to have some pretty awesome female characters for how much they hated women, and penny choosing not just to hook up with alice but specifically to hook up with alice when she was even more deranged than the usual alice baseline, and his post-death admission that he always kinda thought he might bang margo, we can surmise that penny’s type is the woman in the room who seems most capable of murdering someone with her bare hands, which is why he is an ally, and also means that while the revelation that penny23 was in love with julia23 is of course a Whoa moment, it did not feel hard to believe, because julia lives her life by finding the most Extra reaction to the situation and then pursuing it 110%.

BUT THEN they never did any work to set up julia being interested in 23. their s4 hookup was kind of whatever in the sense that this show does love to just shove very sexy people at each other but (NOT UNLIKE MARGO/JOSH AS IT BEGAN) it made a certain amount contextual sense given the.... INSANE stress that julia was under between her confusion about her magic/indestructability/etc. status and her position by virtue of her loyalty to quentin as like the monster’s number two trauma action figure. you could imagine pretty easily that under this ongoing traumatic circumstance it would be pretty tempting to get with a dude who looked at you like you walked on water even if your logic-brain understood somewhere that he wasn’t really looking at you because of how you had never had a real conversation. it is idiotic that they got together because HYMAN of all people shipped it and also i actually don’t know that i agree with what hyman says about their alleged similarity, that they both put other people before themselves so often that they never let themselves be happy. that fits with penny and is basically exactly what hades says to penny to get him to let go of the earthbound life he spent all of doing that. and it was certainly true of kady, stemming from her relationship with her mom and seen in the single-minded desperation she brings to helping first julia and then penny.

but julia? tanked her relationship and her entire life because she wanted magic so bad julia? nearly killed her best friend when she was mad at him julia? thrilled to find a non-evil crew to do magic with because she just fucking loves magic julia? betrayed her recently reconciled best friend and all his friends because she was determined to have revenge julia? knowledge seeker julia? spilled the secret of her mysterious magic to josh for fun julia? i don’t.... like i don’t actually think she has that problem. i think she DOES derive a lot of personal satisfaction from helping people, which is part of what’s so lovely about her goddess scenes in season 3 (her little smile when she cures quentin’s headache ;-; ), but she’s not out here signing billion year contracts to the order. i am pretty hard pressed to think of one (1) thing that julia does seasons 1-4 for a reason other than Because She Wanted To. even in s4 when she’s so committed to the monster situation because of quentin, she’s also taking time when she can to try to figure out her own deal, or nope-ing out of a particular endeavor because it involves the guy who sexually assaulted her in a bathroom to prove a point. even giving up her goddesshood - that is a sacrifice, but it’s one she makes extremely clear-eyed, and one she explicitly says she would not take back.

julia does not have the problem that she ignores her own happiness and desires, and the more i think about this the more it grosses me out because like, with penny whose personal harm from this tendency of his is manifestly clear re: the library contract (altho the show seems to have decided that was for the best anyway LOL), but with julia... what has she ever done to or denied herself? every possible answer to this question is gross! like, is the assumption that we are supposed to believe this is true of her simply because up to that point she was the only main who had never been in a romantic relationship except for the one with james which again she tanked not to save the world but because she wanted magic more than she wanted to make good choices? (also ultimately it wasn’t even her fault bc she was gonna tell him but then pete wiped him!) like if a woman is out here living her extremely busy life and never boning anyone she must secretly be denying herself happiness? despite the fact that for example even accounting for the fact that she gets magic back privately she seems to have emotionally adjusted to life without magic WAY better than quentin, alice, or josh? or are we to infer her tendency for self sacrifice from the contours of her friendship with quentin, which, ://////////////

anyway so then like they could have (1) not done the most heinous thing in the world in 4x13 and/or (2) spent 13 episodes illustrating for us literally one (1) thing julia & penny23 actually had in common or giving us a single moment where we could understand why julia wicker the character we know would be drawn to this particular person but instead they just had them fight about 23′s insistence basically that hyman was right and julia’s insistence that actually fucking knows herself and then break up and then get back together because julia was pregnant and LOL J/K despite her series-long bone-deep passion for magic (i understand why fandom fixates on quentin in this regard but there is one (1) other character who has the pure full-throated hunger and wonder and love for magic that quentin does AND IT IS JULIA WHICH IS WHY THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS) and her sense of calling to do things that mattered which actually well preceded quentin’s death thank you very much (remember when she was like “i actually have to hit pause on the quest to bring back magic because of how i need to end fairy slavery?”) she apparently did just want motherhood & monogamy all along. COOL.

#the magicians #the magicians critical #when my bf watched the s4 finale he got to the part where julia was like #'can you just stand there and let me be mad at you'#and closed the window and was like 'so am i looking this up on wikipedia or are you telling me what happened after that bc i am NOT doing it

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canarhys · 5 years

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valdangelo headcanons

hey guys. so... i reached 500 followers last night. and i’m really happy that you fuckers can deal with my dumbass posts because jesus, i never thought i’d get this far.

so in return for the amount of souls i have stocked up, i have redone the valdangelo headcanons i did for 100 followers a long time ago.

let’s fucking go.

• the two of them are meant for each other simply for the fact that nico sleeps all the time and eats so much junk food he has cavities while leo hasn’t slept for an entire month and hasn’t eaten in three days.

• they don’t like grand, fancy dates and instead go for drives through the city at night and hang outs at a fast food joint. (“nico stop saying mcdonald’s we’ve been eating there for the past week i’m starting to hallucinate ronald mcdonald.”)

• they don’t show much affection in public. usually it’s just hand-holding (it’s basically their second nature) and cheek kisses but when alone they’re touch-starved and cuddle all the fucking time.

• they play video games together obviously. when they compete (say, mario kart), it’s a ruckus because they’re both equally good so the entire camp watches and places bets because it’s so intense. when they play together, it’s usually nico on his nintendo 3ds playing pokémon with leo resting his head on his shoulder, making jokes and occasional pointers.

• i’m all for the idea that they two of them could hold conversations without even talking. nico and leo share a look, nod, and somehow they know what the other is implying. it’s insane.

• they get matching tattoos not just because it’s a couple thing but because it’s fun. they decide to get star tattoos on their ankles.

• nico: lend me a hand.

• leo: throws his prosthetic arm to him

• nico: thanks.

• i just love the thought of them having such funny ass laughs. nico cackles and it almost resembles a wicked witch. leo wheezes like a balloon losing air. also nico slaps people whenever he laughs while leo is stuck in a position for a fucking hour.

• and i just imagine when one is laughing the other is silently watching them with an adoring smile. despite the fact that the one laughing looks so fucking stupid.

• when they laugh at the same time it sounds like a hospital delivery room, ngl.

• they argue all the time but it’s over stupid shit like which superhero wins or who can be the most edgy/annoying. it’s all playful banter but it goes on for hours on end and everyone is about to kick them out.

• they’re fucking dorks; they watch jojo’s bizarre adventure and binge stupid instagram videos and recreate tik toks that are somehow worse than the original.

• they can’t give each other flowers because nico always ends up with lifeless, drooping ones and leo somehow manages to set all of them on fire so they just pack snacks and lunches for each other.

• they have to coax each other into taking care of themselves because they’re self-destructive little shits. nico often drags leo to bed when he’s working on a project. leo cooks nico healthy foods and forces him to brush his teeth. when one of them is sick, the other is by their side all the time.

• they share earbuds a lot. they both really like the arctic monkeys, they’re basically their soul band and whenever one of them is listening to them, the other senses it and immediately grabs the bud out of the other’s ear.

• i like the thought of them trying to be like buzzfeed unsolved and recording videos of themselves strolling through haunted houses and searching for cryptids but it would be so... disastrous.

• nico, playing don’t mine at night on a stereo at goatman’s bridge: come out, bitch.

• goatman: i’m fucking begging you to stop.

• leo, recording: fucking wheezing

• or they would try to be like game grumps and record themselves playing retro games like donkey kong or sonic but it also yields some fucked up results.

• leo, playing sonic adventure dx with tears in his eyes: screaming at the tv and trying not to have a nervous breakdown because the game is so fucking bad his brain functions have gone haywire

• nico: laughing so hard he knocked over twelve vases on the table

• they call each other by their last names a lot. it used to be an insult when they were arguing a lot back then, but now they use it as fun little nicknames with mild malice (unless one of them fucked up).

• they also have some personal ones for each other! nico calls leo “firebug” and “bombshell” and leo calls nico “sunshine” and “angel.” (they totally call each other “amor” and “bébé” as well.)

• they have small picnic dates at the strawberry fields in camp since leo loves strawberries to death and nico likes seeing leo’s adorable face as he eats them. usually they eat those along with chocolate dip and some milkshakes.

• leo has tried to teach nico how to cook in the past but it resulted in the inflammation of the argo ii’s kitchen and buford sending nico angry “glares” due to leo having to scrub off all the excess smog off of him.

• leo buys nico a fuck ton of hawaiian shirts as a joke but nico had worn all of them in less than a month and rocked all of them. leo now has taken the duty of buying as many as he can because damn, if his boyfriend didn’t look so cute.

• the two of them wear each other’s clothes all the time. leo uses the excuse “i’m cold” in order to achieve nico’s jacket or sweater. nico has started using it as well and leo hands him his hoodie or mittens. it’s cute.

• also i love the idea of them either wearing complementary clothing or drastically different ones, with no in-between. one day leo is wearing a soft rainbow-striped shirt under some overalls while nico wears a floral striped hawaiian tee, the next nico is in all black and leo is wearing a neon green jumpsuit. everyone gets whiplash from it.

• i feel like after the giant war and during apollo’s mortal quest, they go with him to indiana to search for meg. and they find themselves at the waystation and after the entire commodus fiasco, the two of them decide to stay and live there. both of them are going to visit chb in the summer but they like the thought of having normal lives and being normal teenagers, plus jo and emmie basically adopted them into the family and all of the kids there love them (especially georgina).

• at camp, they usually hang out in bunker nine or the hades cabin since both of them don’t like crowds and get overwhelmed by them. also they talk about conspiracy theories all the fucking time.

• leo: what if... in a parallel universe... we were straight...?

• nico: holy shit.

• they’re such horror movie fanatics. leo’s favorite is texas chainsaw massacre and nico has a heart for alien. both of them have confirmed that killer clowns from outer space is the best horror movie of all time and have watched it exactly thirty-six times.

• they both had serious discussions of which horror tropes their friends are. they are still categorizing to this day.

• nico: piper would be a final girl, that’s clear. what about jason?

• leo: first one who dies. that fucker is literally dead and hanging in a hotel.

• i also think the two of them love horror/thriller shows. stranger things, tales from the crypt, ash vs. evil dead. especially ash vs. evil dead. leo literally dressed up as ash for halloween, chainsaw hand and everything. nico, in turn, dressed up as a deadite.

• speaking of halloween, it’s like the culmination of their entire beings. because they both a) like dressing up, b) like free food, c) love halloween decor and shit, and d) love seeing each other’s happy faces during the holiday.

• both of them are incredibly dedicated to it, wearing black and orange and hanging up the majority of the decorations around camp. they buy the candy, organize the activities, and take a roll of what campers are dressing as so if someone is worried that they’ll have the same costume as another person, they can check with them. percy says they should get married on halloween just because they’re that into it.

• both of them hyper-fixate a lot. leo gets so invested in a project that he forgets to eat or sleep or even acknowledge anyone else around him, so nico makes sure to not disturb him unless it’s time for lunch or bed. he wraps his arms around leo as he works and buried his face in the crook of his neck and leo always smiles.

• leo does the same for nico, as the guy is incredibly invested in nerdy things that he tries not to tell anyone lest they make fun of him. so leo lets his boyfriend infodump as they lay in bed together, stroking his dark wavy hair and watching nico’s mouth move and continue to describe a dnd campaign he’s been watching recently. leo has to use all his will to stop him and get him to brush his teeth.

• they’re not really much to make future plans as they’re pretty pessimistic about everything due to their pasts but one day they found themselves discussing about getting an apartment or even a house together. leo said he’ll probably open a garage if they become the next caretakers of the waystation or even get a house and ask annabeth to help with the design. nico joked that they could have a floral shop there too since they’re both bad with flowers. and suddenly the conversation shifted to them planning a round-trip across the world on festus and one of them mentioned “kids.” then the two realized what they were doing and stopped, albeit hesitantly.

• i love the idea of persephone being a total mom to them (i don’t care about canon, she loves hades children no matter that her husband cheated) and having garden parties with them down in the underworld. she started teaching them how to take care of flowers better — which was sort of relevant since nico brought up the flower shop at home thing — and soon their blossoms almost stopped wilting or catching on fire.

• persephone: hey, you guys want some pomegranate?

• leo: yeah s—

• nico: n o w e ‘ r e g o o d .

• persephone wasn’t trying to trap leo in the underworld but nico couldn’t take chances.

• leo’s pretty good with instruments because of tool proficiency and is a master at the drums and guitar. nico actually has a nice singing voice and recently got into guitar as well, so you bet your ass that they have jam sessions constantly.

• leo is the gay that can drive while nico should not be within a steering wheel in any circumstance, so leo usually drives them to their dates. that, or they enlist the help of nico’s zombie chauffeur to drive them there.

• both of them share this soft and tender expression with each other that they don’t express towards other people, not even their other friends. it’s sort of like a face saved for them, for their little world and it’s cute.

• nico is way more touchy than leo and likes to wrap his arms around leo’s waist a lot. he often peppers his face with kisses and shit and leo gets really shy about it. when this happens, he nuzzles his face into nico’s shoulder or chest to stop his boyfriend but nico is resilient.

• i just... love valdangelo being so soft towards each other. every single banter they have they do with heart eyes and they usually just cuddle in content silence because they’re not big on talk, communicating better by actions. when they kiss, it’s like a perfect mix because nico is cold while leo is warm. they often lay in bed, smiling as their limbs are tangled together. maybe they’ll start up another conversation or game file. but for now, they like the quiet.

#pjo #nico di angelo #leo valdez #valdangelo #headcanons #home depot intercom #follower milestone #thank you guys!!

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flutteringphalanges · 4 years

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Summary: It is public knowledge that Zoe Van Helsing is the last of her blood line. Not to mention that, in a sense, Count Dracula is too. However, after an unexpected night of passion, both their lives dramatically change when Zoe becomes pregnant. Two unconventional parents, one extraordinary pregnancy. What could go wrong?

Rating: M

Pairings: Zoe Van Helsing/Dracula & Agatha Van Helsing/Dracula

Read on FFN and AO3

A/N: Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support! I love hearing your thoughts! Here’s the next chapter!

Chapter Two

Folklore. Stories passed down by generation involving legends, mythology. In the Balkans, such tales rose speaking of the species known as Dhampires. A creature born from a female human, fathered by a male vampire. Children of a forbidden union. A result that now Zoe Van Helsing had conceived.

Despite the force behind her punch, Dracula did not move a muscle. Not even offering a wince at her gesture. He did, however, stare at her rather perplexed, studying her gaze as if looking for some kind of falsity behind her words.

"Huh," he seemed to ponder. "That's quite an interesting accusation I haven't been accused of before."

"The tests don't lie, Count Dracula," Zoe countered. "And seeing as you are the only partner I've engaged in...relations with, there is no denying that you are the…" She hesitated. "The paternal genetic make up of my...offspring." Even the mere aspect of referring to the anomaly as a 'baby' was still hard to grasp. "Whether this was your plan all along or not, I am expecting."

He seemed to think for a minute, processing the doctor's words. Zoe wasn't sure what to expect next. Anger. Fear. Denial. But when his lips curled into what one might consider a borderline smirk, her own blood began to boil. Amusement.

"Fascinating," he commented. "Why, I never considered such a thing to be possible. In the centuries of science I've acquired, countless knowledge, the ability to procreate in such a way never passed by mind!" He chuckled, noting Zoe's darkening stare. "What a momentous occasion! I'd offer you some champagne but," the vampire looked her up and down. "Based on your condition, I hear that drinking alcohol is ill advised."

If she thought it would've caused damage, Zoe would've hit him square in the face again. But he was impervious to most sorts of pain. Too bad she didn't bring a crucifix with her. Or an entire bag. That would've provided some sort of vengeance.

"So, would you like to come in? I assume you were here to discuss things."

Dracula's voice pulled Zoe back to reality. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. Just being in his presence was giving her a headache.

"No," she frowned. "I'm leaving. I don't...I don't know why I even came here in the first place."

As she turned to go, already heading towards the stairs, she heard Dracula's voice call out.

"Does the Foundation know?"

Zoe stopped in her tracks, her heart skipping a beat. Until that very moment, she hadn't even considered mentioning to the institution of her latest discovery. A laboratory that sought on studying every detail, every aspect of the vampire himself.

"I'd advise against it," he said. "You can never be too careful when it comes to places of science. Experimentation is a rather unpleasant thing."

The doctor didn't reply, finally finding the will to move again. Though she'd never admit it, Dracula was right. If someone found out about this, someone who knew what she did, the result might not be in her favor. Zoe hurried back to her car, throwing her purse into the passenger seat before taking off. As she pulled out of the parking lot, she could've almost swore she saw Dracula watching her through the window.

XXX

A wave of nausea overcame Zoe the moment she stepped into her home. This time, however, she was unsure if it was due to her cancer treatments or being pregnant. She exhaled, running a hand through her hair as she set her purse down on the counter. Exhaled. Stressed. She wandered into her bedroom and collapsed onto the mattress. Even the idea of changing into her pajamas seemed tiring. Taking off her jacket and shoes, she lied back on the bed, allowing her eyes to close. Perhaps she could escape this nightmare in her sleep. At least there was that luxury.

"Well, you've gotten yourself into quite an unfortunate situation."

Zoe's eyes fluttered open and she immediately sat up in bed. She looked around the room nervously, trying to locate where the voice had come from.

"Oh don't look so panicked, I'm not going to hurt you."

A figure stood at the edge of the bed, her long habit creating a shadow that stretched to the back wall. Zoe squinted, her eyes fixated on what she could now tell was a woman's face. Her features were striking. Almost familiar. Nearly too much so.

"Who are you?" Zoe whispered, clutching her comfortable. "And why are you in my room?"

"For someone so smart, I'm rather surprised you don't know," the woman smiled. "I am, after all, your great, great aunt," she paused. "Give a few 'greats'."

"Agatha?" The doctor asked, brow furrowed. "But how, I…"

"Not exactly in the flesh, but you are correct," the nun stated. "As to how, well, I'm assuming it could possibly relate to you consuming Count Dracula's blood. Seeing as he consumed me and you then drank from him, due to our lineage connection, our minds are connected."

"Are you saying you are a part of me now?" Things just seemed to keep growing stranger by the hour. "Am I...possessed?"

"Possession would suggest I have dark intentions. An evil spirit if you will," Agatha chuckled. "In my opinion, I don't believe that I am-though, others may see differently," she shrugged. "No, I'm more a voice inside your head. A legitimate one, you are far from crazy."

"I...still don't understand," Zoe mumbled wearily. "Is this real?"

"As real as your sexual intercourse with Dracula," she replied, folding her arms over her chest. "And the result of that. I'm still in awe you allowed yourself to be seduced by him. Rather unbecoming of a Van Helsing."

"I wasn't seduced," Zoe interjected. "I was drunk...off blood."

"Well, I suppose we'll both see what is to come because of that," the nun sighed. "Now, I'll leave you to your sleep. We'll stay in touch."

With that, the apparition disappeared leaving Zoe once more alone in her bedroom. Zoe massaged her temples, shaking her head. First a vampiric pregnancy and now being haunted by her own kin. Life had really taken a sharp turn. Closing her eyes, the doctor tried to fall back asleep. If there was a God, he'd let it be dreamless.

XXX

"8:00 P.M? I didn't realize you would be open so late? What happened to my noon appointment?"

Zoe placed around her kitchen, phone glued to her ear. She was just about to head out when she received a call from the doctor's office. Her once assigned time had apparently been cancelled and rescheduled without her knowledge.

"There was a change in the schedule," the nurse replied apologetically. "A fluke. But we have it set straight. Are you able to still come in even if it is at a later time?"

The doctor sucked a breath through her nose. "I suppose," she mumbled. "Has my oncologist been made aware of the change?"

"We've contacted her," the woman replied. "She is on board with it. We can move that appointment too to tomorrow if that is convenient for you?"

"I haven't much of a choice, do I?" Zoe sighed, sitting down in a chair. "That'll do."

"Great," the nurse answered, sounding more cheerful. "We'll see you at 8:00, Dr. Helsing."

Once the line clicked, Zoe put down her phone. If misfortune was a magnet, she was its attraction. Not having much planned besides her prior appointment time, she took to busying herself around the house. Cleaning the kitchen. Reading one of her novels. Enjoying a peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich-an odd combination she chalked up to pregnancy cravings. By the time 7:30 rolled around, she finally gathered her things and headed out the door.

"I can sense your nervousness."

The doctor inhaled sharply, surprised by the voice. Glancing over, she noticed Agatha sitting calmly in the passenger seat. Her eyes remained fixed on the road, her expression curious as she studied the other cars going by. Having died in 1897 and seeing how everything had changed since then must have been interesting to say the least.

"Go away," Zoe muttered, pulling into the hospital parking lot. "I don't want to talk to you."

"I'm only trying to offer you some comfort," the nun stated. "I must admit, I'm rather excited to see what this is all about. I've always found vampires curious. What makes them tick."

"Right now, my main focus is figuring out what is going on with me," the doctor explained, shutting the door hard. "Now go, I don't want people to think I'm insane talking out loud to myself."

Much to her relief, Agatha threw her a look before disappearing. Holding on tightly to her bag, Zoe entered the clinic and took the elevator to the correct floor. Her heart was pounding, nerves on edge as she reached for the door handle of the office. When she pushed it open, her stomach dropped. There, sitting casually looking at a maternity magazine, was none other than Dracula himself.

"Oh, you're here, good," he grinned. "I hope you don't mind. I pulled a few strings, I thought you might want me here."

"You…" Zoe stammered. "I…"

Anger. Pure, red blooded fury rushed through the doctor's body. She tensed up, watching as the man eyed her with false innocence. Of course. She should've known. As she opened her mouth, uncertain what might come out, a doctor stepped out from behind a door.

"Dr. Van Helsing? I'm Dr. Clyde, I'm so glad you could make it. Ready to come back?"

Dracula smirked as he rose from his seat, placing the magazine down. Zoe was still in too much shock as she followed behind him into another room. Nauseated. The migraines. She found herself situated on top of a cot without even realizing she had. At this point, her body was on auto-pilot, alarm bells ringing.

"You must be dad," Dr. Clyde smiled, pulling a machine forward. "Congratulations!"

"Dad."

Zoe turned her head and saw Agatha standing in the corner, her eyes locked on Dracula's. The vampire didn't seem to notice, alluding to the fact that thankfully only Zoe could see the ghost. Still, it didn't help that two people she really didn't want present were.

"This is going to be a little cold," the doctor apologized, reaching for a tub of gel.

"Might I offer you my hand?" Dracula smiled, meeting Zoe's glare.

"That pencil might make a for a good stake if you use enough force," Agatha suggested, nodding to the counter.

Zoe squeezed her eyes shut tightly, secretly hoping that she was still back in bed and this was all just a dream. When the transducer probe made contact with her bare skin, she stiffened slightly. The doctor's eyes followed the monitor as the obstetrician moved the device about on her lower abdomen.

"Let's find that heartbeat, shall we?"

"Will it even have one?" Agatha inquired. "Do the offspring of vampires have that?"

Until that moment, Zoe hadn't really considered that. Now her own heart really pounded. She waited, watching the screen carefully when all of a sudden, the sound of thumping filled the air. Dr. Clyde smiled, studying the picture. Dracula too leaned over, clearly curious as to what was going on.

"The sac looks perfect," he commented, moving his mouse over it. "Measuring right...oh…"

"Oh?" Zoe exclaimed, a feeling of dread washing over her. "Why, oh?!"

"There appears to be two present," the doctor grinned, clicking over to a second blob on the screen. "Congratulations, Dr. Helsing, you're having twins!"

Fuck.

#Dracula #Dracula 2020 #Dracula on Netflix #Agatha Van Helsing #Zoe Van Helsing #Gemini

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motheatenscarf · 4 years

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So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault.

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality.

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww.

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine.

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires.

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she’s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

youtube

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes! While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective.

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

#Caitlin Watches Castlevania #Caitlin Has a Lot of Thoughts About Castlevania

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hearteyes-for-killmonger · 5 years

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5. Two Choices

Ivy's expression twisted into one of pure irritation when Dr. Stevens left her side yet again to pull another tool. How many did he have back there? She could hear him moving things around. They clinked and thumped, the small sounds threatening and unfriendly to her ears. The more she listened to what sounded like indecision and hovering between equally frightening items, the more irate she became.

"Can we cut the games and get to it? I'm fuckin shakin and tired of being anxious."

"My bad, maybe you could help me choose."

Ivy waited as he came into view, hands behind his back. She rolled her eyes.

"Aight. So you have two choices."

Bringing one hand forward, he revealed a large blade causing Ivy's chest to sink.

"Option one's this bowie knife I picked up in Tijuana. It's about eight inches long, two inches broad, quarter of an inch thick." He tossed it up causing Ivy to flinch, before he caught it effortlessly, swinging it through the air for a flourish. "It's kinda rough, but as you've seen, I can be gentle."

Ivy frowned at his zeal. He obviously couldn't wait to use that thing. It looked like a pirate's knife, the thick blade sweeping and arching into a sharp point.

"Is option two a knife?"

He revealed yet another knife and she sighed feeling wetness form at the outer corners of her eyes.

"Option two is a skinning knife. Do I.. really need to explain this one?" He smirked.

She refused to break down in front on him, shaking her head as she swallowed her bottom lip. Breaking down would be what he wanted.

"Instead of choosing between knives.. Why don't you give me an option between what you plan to do with the knives?"

He hesitated, his small eyes narrowing on hers and Ivy could feel her heart beating in her chest.

"Okay.. Little Ivy. We'll do this your way." He lowered the knives, hands loose at his sides and his evil eyes gleamed. She felt another chill in her spine.

"Choose. Would you rather I peel back the skin on your fingers or should I split that little pink tongue of yours in half? You'd look sexy with a forked tongue."

Ivy was faced with an impossible decision and her mind swam with even worse responses. But what could she say or do to stop this?

"You have two whole assistants just chillin out there. Why you don't cut up one of them?"

"Tuh.. What makes you think I haven't?" His gaze dug into her and she stared back into the abyss that was his madness, judgement and confusion clear on her crinkled brow.

"DRAYA, ARAYA GET IN HERE," he yelled, still fixated on Ivy and her squinted eyes of judgement. She couldn't hide the fact that she was appalled by him and if she had to be mutilated, then she wouldn't hide it. She wanted him to see just how disgusted she was, despite his evil glare.

"Yes, Dr. Stevens," the voices chirped in unison from behind Ivy. She maintained the dentist's eye contact as he ordered them to stand together to her left.

"Take your clothes off. Show Ms. Stevens... my art."

Ivy heard the twins' movements and the light sounds of clothing shifting, twisting, pulling, and dropping to the ground. Erik's hand extended gesturing for Ivy to look to her left.

She gasped as she viewed the scarred and marred bodies of the twins. The patterns on their deep brown bodies nearly mirrored each other as though he'd done them simultaneously.

"See the name on their left asscheeks? It says Erik Stevens 2016. I always sign my work. Those were done with my branding iron .. I just liked how it looked. The flesh gets a little gummy when you use an iron though, so that was a two-time deal. I won't be branding you."

"So she gets the handwritten autograph!? Dr. Stevens, it's not fair," Saraya turned to pout, her small breasts perky and exposed. There was a heart that had been carved onto her chest between her boobs, but it was healed. "I want another design, now. Before she gets it. I want your name by your hand."

"Oh you swear you're the favorite," Draya sneered turning halfway to face her sister.

"I am the favorite. He did mine first."

"That doesn't m-"

"Ladies," Erik interrupted, "Turn around," he mouthed twirling his finger in a circular motion. The twins eyed each other in silent communication before returning to their original positions facing the computer and the wall.

Ivy gave a sarcastic smile.

"You can see I carved an image on their backs too and when they come together..," catching his drift, they inched closer together, pressing their arms and shoulders together, "It makes-"

"A cat," Ivy muttered.

"A jaguar." Erik frowned looking at the scars on the women's backs, his jaw going slack with his focus. "Does it really not look like a jaguar?"

Ivy looked at his face as he questioned his work, twisting a few of the hairs of his beard in his fingertips. Her eyes flashed between him and the two women and a reckless idea hit her.

"It really doesn't look like a jaguar, but I feel like it could if you put some spots on it or something. You see what I'm sayin," she squinted.

He stared at his work tilting his head to the side in assessment while Ivy heald her breath in attempt to appear calm.

"Actually.. if I could.. I'd like to help. I'm a pretty good artist. We could collab."

---

Erik's eyes met hers wondering what it was she had up her sleeve. She didn't seem to be into this form of art. She didn't appreciate it and suddenly she wanted to participate. She had an ulterior motive, that was obvious. She wanted to escape.

As much as he didn't want that, everytime he looked at the twins' scars, they looked wrong and he felt a strong urge to fix them. It couldn't be ignored.

"Wait, it's.. I though it was a bobcat," Araya frowned looking back. She reached back in attempt to feel the ridges.

"I told you that was stupid," Draya sneered. Erik was conflicted.

"You can make it look more like a jaguar," he asked Ivy directly. He needed to be sure. He'd trust her if she could do it.

"I can," her brows raised confidently. He gave her a long look wondering if she'd try to run, ultimately deciding to risk it for the sake of his art.

Using the bowie knife, he held it up closely to her face.

"Behave..," he mouthed making sure she understood. She nodded and he couldn't see anything particulary treacherous in her beautiful green mossy sunflower eyes.

The tip of his blade trailed from her cheek to her top and then bottom lip. He watched the indentation. If he pressed just a little more, he'd see her pretty red blood.

"Dr. Stevens, us first! We've been with you longer. I'm the number one." It was Araya again. She was always the needy one if anything.

"Fine," he sighed. He cut through the ropes that were holding Ivy's ankles. She didn't move a muscle so he went to her knees. Again, she didn't move. He cut her arms, shoulders, and waist free. She was no longer bound as the red rope fell to the floor. He handed her the bowie knife nodding toward the twins.

"Here she comes," Draya whispered in Araya's ear. She was excited and prepared, but Araya kissed her teeth.

"I don't want her, I want Dr. Stevens. She can tell him what to do, but I don't want this bitch-"

---

Before the girl could finish her sentence, Ivy had thrown her knife as hard, as quickly, as skillfully, and as unpredictably as she could. She didn't even look to see if it hit him, she ran as fast as she could go, booking to the front and with shaking fingers unlocked the door barreling it open. Without her keys and phone, she couldn't drive. She ran straight to the next business and when it was locked, she ran as fast as she could to get behind the building to avoid running pass the entrance of the dentist's office. She didn't need them to see her. She prayed hard to God that they didn't catch her when she ran behind the building back where she came from, slid down the tall grassy hill, and ran into traffic, gauging the speed of the cars. Having been on that road plenty of times, she knew the speed limit was 55. Luckily, she made it across, hopping the median to get across the other lanes with her short, thick body.

By the time she reached the nearly abandoned steakhouse on the opposite side of the road, her short legs felt like lead. She'd almost had a heat stroke.

"Dammit," she panted shielding her eyes with her hand to look back at the brick building. The sun was high and Erik standing out front with his arms crossed, watching her. Her heart still pounded and she was building a sweat, but she was in one piece.

Turning back to the steakhouse, she exhaled grabbing her knees and prayed that it was open.

"Please, please, oh please, oh please," she panted walking up the wooden ramp to try the double-door. She almost fell to the ground in despair when it wouldn't open. The tears that threatened the outer corners of her eyes finally decided to fall and then she did sink to the ground. She didn't have the strength in her legs to run anywhere else, but she couldn't stay there. She had to hitchhike.. something.. and fast.

"SHIT," she flinched, her heart nearly exploding as she saw the pale face through the glass door. She dropped her arms and the side of the door she hadn't pulled popped open with the jingle of a bell.

"Hello, Miss, you okay?" It was a middle aged Asian man and he seemed very concerned that she was on the ground crying at the door. "You need something?"

Her jaw dropped and she looked at him as though he were an angel, rushing to her feet and grabbing his arms.

"Miss, I call police for you." Pushing her off of himself, he gave her a look that said she was insane before he walked away gesturing for her to wait.

When she looked around, there was a young white couple sitting at a table eating fried rice and sushi. Two more white women sat at a different table and for the first time... Ivy felt safer in a room with no black people.

@honey-poooh @missshae @raysunshine78 @destinio1 @marvelmaree @honeytoffee @thickemadame @heykillmongerluhme @ghostfacekill-monger @killmongersmistress

#erik killmonger #original #killmonger #erik stevens #erik killmonger fanfiction #erik killmonger imagines #erik killmonger imagine #erik stevens au #dentist

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dangermousie · 5 years

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This is epically long

One of the things I love about this drama is that everyone has shades of grey. Oldest brother is a monster of a sibling, but he is a loving husband and father. Honestly, a lot of the fault for his behavior lies with the awful father who, instead of ensuring the half-brothers got along and deal with the complexities of the half sibling relationship instead treated one as an angel and one as the devil and did nothing to stop those who kept pouring poison into the ears of the eldest about how Tingye and his mother were super evil (remember little eldest? He actually liked his stepmom.) Not to mention that the old Marquis himself shared the view that Tingye and his mom were satan so that probably entrenched eldest’ views. This show is magic - somehow I still felt sad when eldest died.

So the old monster had a deathbed repentance? That’s something at least, though still wholly inadequate. (But how unsurprising, the rest of the family stole it from Tingye.) But I think the old marquess always knew he was wrong and that probably made him even more angry and awful and only when he was dying was he able to admit it to himself.

Oh God, Tingye. If this was modern times, I’d recommend so much therapy. And the fct that he always longed for his father’s love - so sad.

Good Lord, that is the most shameless thing I have heard in a long time.

And that is why he is different from the rest of his awful family. (Also, compare him with old marquess - the old man made Tingye’s life hell, because he hated his mom. But Tingye treats Ronghie as precious despite her horror of a mother.)

And that is why living back then sucks! In modern society, he could walk out and never see all the bloodsuckers and gaslighters and abusers ever again and never deal with them. But here he has to deal with them forever and be a part of them forever and to me that is horrible.

Awwww and he so needed to hear that.

How does literally everyone else in the family, including the dim Third, understand Tingye better than the stepmother, who is cunning and raised him? I think she is just blinded by her loathing and her inability to imagine people can be different from her.

oh my GOD!!!!!

I am not sure what I love more - her utter shock at getting a title or how he listens to the usual flowery praises of her awesomeness from the official and just swoons because he totally agrees with that for real.

Look at how adorably smug he is!

Ahahahahahahahaha I love you, Tingye. He is often straightforward, which is so refreshing in the world of hints and untruths.

OMG can Third actually have brains despite his crazy mom?

That was the most adorable thing, him coaxing her to call him “darling Second” instead of the more formal wife. Whenever there are cracks in her propriety, I am almost as delighted as he is. And honestly, Minglan needs someone who would do it now and then.

OK OMG MANNIANG IS BACK WTF!!!!

Hahahaha Minglan spiking evil stepmother and Manniang, using all the patriarchal structures and restrictions. And you can tell Tingye is so proud of his wifey.

Oh Good God, Minglan! What sane woman, even back then, is all “it’s super easy for you to sleep with a woman you loathe” and mean it, even back then? Sure, she doesn’t realize he wants her to want him to be monogamous and not want him with other women. The society’s values are too ingrained in her. Despite him doing everything but waving a flag. But even back then, any woman who cares for her husband would normally be “I don’t love this and I don’t want you to do it, but I know you should for your kid.” But I can’t even blame Minglan because she is trying to be an ideal wife, precisely because he is so good to her and she cares for him, so she is trying to suppress her jealousy (you can tell she is filling it) because she thinks that is what he would want. Talk about crossed signals.

Oh my God. I audibly gasped at this - not even as much at her murder attempt but at the relish she took in telling him his son is dead. My God. Can my favorite characters ever get a break? In modern world, they’d need to be in therap therapy forever.

This scene! This scene! Her freaking out he is hurt, his denial that his son is dead etc etc. My heart!

OK, this scene just gave me the creeps and shivers We have never seen Tingye losing it to this degree and Manniang is both terrifying and repulsive and pitiable. Also, her blaming him for their son’s death is very her - nobody made her take the kid, he wanted the boy left with him. She left and stole the child away and refused to be found.

Awwwww. I love that her understated manner is such an ingrained part of her that even in insane situations she calms everything down by her mere presence. And that he is able to calm down and adore her even in the middle of all this insanity. It basically shows their relationship is the basic bedrock in their lives.

Oh, Tingye. The thing with his son hits him extra hard because of his own issues though frankly, his father was right there and so it was worse.

One of the things I love the most about Tingye is how fundamentally decent he is, despite his upbringing. Because here he is with Manniang trying to kill him, taunting him, just a monster of a person who took his son away from him, and he still says not one bad word about her to their daughter. He grew up in a monstrous environment and instead of imitating it in his own life, it just made him more conscious of how damaging parents can be and how fragile a child is and look how well he has taken that lesson to heart - making up white lies about a woman who shortly before he was so insane with rage about he wanted to torture and murder on the spot. Because he has learned a lesson most characters on this drama have not - putting someone else above yourself.

And what a contrast to her mother, who throws all that love and devotion in her face and is only fixated on herself and hurting people she hates and views her daughter as nothing in light of that. Only a tool. And then even less than that, as she tries to kill her.

Congratulations if you made it through this beast of a post!

#the story of minglan #cdrama #feng shao feng #Zhao liying #monster long post and pic heavy you have been warned

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ill-skillsgard · 5 years

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Patterns in the Ivy, Part 12 FINALE - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Patterns in the Ivy

Description: A continuation of Smoke & Money. Ghosts from the not-so-distant past come back to threaten her. She must choose between a lavish life of servitude or have everything she ever loved stripped away.

Warning: 18+ smut/swearing/mentions of drugs/kink & fetish themes

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

The days felt like months after she was gone. Bill had insisted that it was going to be for the best. Ivany would go to the best schools even if it meant being shipped off to another country. There was no arguing. There was nothing I could do. I hated Bill. I hated him more than I ever had before for making me give her over to strangers. Even with visitations, it wasn't going to be enough for me. It was like he enjoyed seeing me suffer in all ways and when we returned home from the airport he made no attempt to stop me from storming up the stairs to lock myself in my bedroom.

"One year. Give it one year and if she hates it, we'll take her out." "I already hate it! Isn't that enough?" "You do not understand the opportunity it is to attend that school, let alone be invited to enroll. It's... Monumental. I wouldn't expect you to understand fully." "I understand fully that you're a world-class prick." "You'll see when our daughter becomes a surgeon or a scientist or an entrepreneur like me." "Go fuck yourself. You're a glorified pimp. You're no better than what I was. You may not sell your body but you're just as bad. Just because you have money and nice things that don't make you better."

He looked at me with a disturbing calmness. I thought perhaps I had struck a chord with him but he just smirked and clapped his hand on my knee as we rode home in the back seat of his Lincoln, suffocating in the scent of leather. Bill had already closed the window, cutting us off from the driver so we could discuss our sensitive family business.

"Which is precisely why our daughter is going to be so far away from our messy fucking business that she will never have the option to become anything like us." "Your messy business, not mine." "Our business. Everything I have is yours too." "Yet, you have all the say."

He took his hand off of my knee and leaned in to whisper, "you better watch your mouth." We rode the rest of the way home in silence, side-by-side yet miles and miles apart, as I then was with my daughter. I was determined to ignore him for as long as I possibly could and in my state of anger and absolute devastation I found it easy. He knew better than to come knocking that night. He didn't try to reach out to me and that in itself was just another layer of disappointment. I laid on my bed and cried until the wells of my sadness were bone-dry and I passed out from sheer emotional exhaustion. I didn't even change out of my clothes or take off my make up. I just fell asleep after sobbing myself stupid for hours until my voice was hoarse and my head was throbbing. Then came the deep dark pit of depression I plunged into head-first. I didn't see Bill the morning after and he didn't come to say goodbye to me before leaving. I was all alone in the big empty house. I was a bird in a cage again only this time, I couldn't just fly away once the door was opened. No, I was drowning in cement shoes that I had stepped into by my own fault. The first day was the hardest. It was no wonder to me that Bill took off for work without saying a word or alerting me to his departure. He must have known well that I was going to be inconsolable and wanted nothing to do with it. I already knew that he was incapable of genuine human emotion and it was no real surprise that he would leave me to stew in my agony alone. I pictured him going about his day, that determined step of his in full swing, looking slick and pompous with his platinum watch. He probably felt so good about himself; so satisfied that he had exercised his boundless control over me once again. After a couple of days, I decided to shower myself and try to do something besides lay in my bed, or rather, Bill's bed because I didn't own a thing. I laughed to myself and recalled our short yet vehement exchange in the Lincoln on the way back from the airport. He told me that everything of his was also mine but I found that laughable. I had nothing after he took the last thing that was really, truly mine. Even the bedroom he had given to me wasn't filled with my things. They were for me but they weren't really mine. They were simply constructs of what Bill wanted; clothes he wanted to see me in, perfumes he liked for me to put on and furniture that he thought was suitable to exist in his realm. The tears came back as I slipped on a dressing gown and instead of finding something to do like I had told myself to do, I ended up back on my bed to live out another crying fit. That was when my bedroom door opened and Bill took one pensive step inside. I turned to him, startled and embarrassed that I was in the middle of sobbing, red-faced and nearly hyperventilating. "What do you want?" I asked. Bill walked in, hands in the pockets of his trousers toward the right side of the room. He pulled the bench of my vanity out from under the table and sat down, crossing his leg over the other like he often did but with extra care. He peered at his fingernails for a second before directing his sights at me. I stared back at him for the first time since we had dropped her off at the airport. "You know what my father said to me when I was Ivany's age?" Bill posed his question. I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, making myself appear disinterested in what he had to say but when he continued to speak I listened intently. "Nothing. He said nothing to me because he was never there. I got shipped off to school and he promised to visit me and never came. When I went home for the holidays he was always away on business. When I graduated, there was an empty seat for him. I had to figure everything out on my own." With my wet eyes glued to him, I closed my mouth and watched on as he continued. "Ivany is going to have all of the great opportunities that I had only there's going to be one difference; her loving parents are going to be there to nurture her and guide her and make sure that she knows she's loved. You and I... We're not like regular people and neither is she. She's going to have it all. Brains, beauty, wealth and happiness in endless supply. She's going to be ten times better than us in every way possible." "I hate how you're trying to justify your decision by doing the one thing that I have been begging you to do this whole time. Well... Bad news; I still resent you and I will never agree that sending her away to school was the best choice for her. She could be here, right now, with us but instead, she's over the fucking Atlantic ocean, miles, and miles away from me and you're trying to fix it by opening up to me now? Nice strategy, Bill." "There's another reason why I needed her gone for a while," he said somberly, looking away from me to fixate on something across the room. The gravity of his expression didn't settle well in my stomach. "What? What do you mean?" "I'm getting out of the business." He took my silence as an extension of my confusion and began to elaborate which was good because I was unsure if I had heard him right the first time. "The ring... I'm getting out of it and there's a chance that it could get... Complicated." "By complicated do you mean dangerous?" "I'm not sure yet. It's not just something I can back out of easily. I'm working on an exit plan that will be as smooth and painless as possible but I need you." "What could you possibly need me for?" I asked. He rose from the bench and walked towards the bed with his long legs taking deliberate strides. I leaned away from him but he crawled up on the bed and came up to me so I had nowhere to go. "I need you for everything. I need you for support. I need you to be there for me at the end of the day because... Being with you is the only thing that makes me not regret every single little fucking piece of shit thing that I have ever done in my life." "You sent our daughter away," I began to sniffle. "I know. But you will understand why when you see how the benefits will pay off." "Right now the only benefit I can see is that I have been made aware of how ruthless you can be and guess what? I fucking get it. I get it now. I'm yours... To do with whatever you fucking please. Abuse me... Hurt me... Take away everything that I love so that I have no choice but to submit to you completely. Full domination. You got it." "I'm an asshole." I scoffed, "I know that." "I am fucking scum." "Yeah..." "I'm trash. Dirty fucking human filth." "All right," I recoiled a bit. "Hit me." "What?" "You hate me so much? Hit me." He crawled up closer to me and I wanted to back away but I couldn't so I settled for scowling. "What the fuck are you talking about, Bill? Jesus. You're fucking insane." "Hit me, I said. Do it." "No." "I know you want to. So go on... Hit me." "Why?" "Fucking hit me!" "Stop it!" Bill grabbed my wrist and held up my hand between us. "Do it. Please... Please just do it. Come on," he growled. "Fucking do it, damn it!" I used my already raised hand to hit him in the face. It wasn't hard and I could tell he wasn't satisfied with it at all. It was barely enough to turn his cheek light pink. He didn't even flinch for a split second. "No come on, hit me harder. Come on. Harder than that." I wound my arm back about a foot and hit him again, wincing as I swung to strike him. The sound was shocking and I half expected him to turn back to me and lunge for my neck like a wolf going in for the kill. Instead, his lips curled up into a sinister little smile and when he looked at me again I saw a familiar glaze take over his eyes. The way he looked was comparable to evil, with his cheekbones raised and a small, pronounced little laugh escaping his throat. "Yes. Again. Hit me. I deserve it." "Bill..." "Do it, J. Come on." I hit him again and the sound of my open palm and his right cheek cracked through the room and Bill started to laugh more heartily. Straightening and letting the top of my dressing gown fall open only slightly, I let the echo of the slap energize me. I had been feeling so cynical and torpid but the way Bill bristled beneath my hand gave me a good shake. The fact that he liked it, that he was allowing it, encouraging it hooked my attention. He rolled the sleeves of his light blue shirt up to his elbows and frantically combed his hair back with his fingers, readying himself to receive more. "Oh yeah, give it to me." After another hard slap across the face, Bill captured my hand again, spread my fingers out and brought my index finger to his lips so he could envelop it in the warm wetness between his teeth, over his tongue to the back of his throat. "Yes, baby... I've been so bad," he whispered after sucking on my finger. "Bill..." "Come on. You know I've been a bad boy." "Yes, you certainly have." All at once, I could see what he was trying to do and, at first, I didn't want to entertain him but the more he stared at me with those green eyes blazing with lust, the more courage I built up. "You have been a dirty little boy." "Yes! Yes. So what are you going to do to me?" I stood up on my knees, dressing gown falling open to expose my breasts. I held his head between two hands and stared at him, every feature of his from his delicious pouting lips to his nose to the scar on his cheek. It was near impossible for me to look upon his face and feel anything besides unbridled lust for him, no matter how much of an evil bastard he was. However, I couldn't resist the chance to do to him exactly what he had been doing to me since the day we met. I felt heat crawl up from my loins to the center of my chest where it sizzled and tickled my excitement. "Get on the floor. On your knees." I whispered, still not one hundred percent confident that I would be able to match his fervor when it came to domination. "Yes." He backed off the bed and I took notice of all of the nice things he wore from his shiny shoes to his heavy designer watch. Even the way his hair was styled looked expensive. I wanted it all gone. I wanted to strip away the extravagance and see him in his raw state if he would let me. "Take off your shoes and your watch. Then... Take off your shirt. I want to see you," I told him. He nodded solemnly though his eyes remained stuck on me. I smirked as he watched me watching him remove all of his tokens of opulence beginning with his shoes and then the watch which he took off with one hand and laid on the floor next to the bed. When his fingers came to the buttons of his shirt I felt my mouth start to water. He was swift at undoing each button and before I knew it he was shrugging out of it, pulling his arms from the sleeves and laying the garment on the floor much like he had the watch; with care but not too much. "Mm, look at you, pretty boy," I whirred. "Not as pretty as you, Mommy." "Oh..." I sighed, "I like that." "What else do you like?" "I like the way you look on your knees." "Yeah?" "Mhm, now, what should I do with such a bad, bad boy?" I uncrossed my legs and went to the edge of the bed to hang them off the side, getting myself a good seat at what was promising to be a good show. Bill inched forward and as I parted my legs he came up a bit closer, still drilling me with his deviant eyes, a small reminder that he was letting me do this as a favour. It was his show of remorse and as much as I loathed him for it, I knew that sex was his ultimate means of power and at that moment, he was giving it all to me. I was drowning in his shallow offering, overjoyed that he was laying down his weapon so that I could wield it for a change but still hating that this was how he was going to apologize for sending our daughter away. The giddiness of being in control was a dull tattoo that had been beaten into me long ago. I almost forgot how invigorating it was to exercise power over someone, especially somebody bigger than me, richer than me and more important than me. I was brought back to times long since gone but never buried too deep in my memories. I had always gotten a kick out of the men that wanted to be dominated. It was as endearing as it was totally pathetic but how could I ever say no? Especially when it was Bill. Never once had I entertained the idea that Bill could ever let somebody else tell him what to do. I rose my legs up and the sheer fabric of my dressing gown glided off my legs smoothly and Bill's eyes finally broke from mine as he noticed I was wearing nothing beneath it. Despite how hard I had been agonizing over Ivany's departure, I thanked myself for choosing that day to shower and shave because at that moment what he saw was enough to hold his attention. He licked his lips slowly, hypnotized and smoldering at the sight of my nakedness. He encircled my ankles delicately with his hands and lifted my legs up, spreading them only for a moment so he could stare between them before I closed my knees. "You like what you see, baby?" Chewing his lip, he nodded. "Oh fuck yes. Looks so good. I miss my pussy." "We'll get to that," I whispered. He kissed the inside of my left ankle, propping my other leg up on his shoulder so he could focus his attention on one thing at a time. With his eyes closed for only a moment, he ran kisses up and down the jutting bones of my ankle as he squeezed my toes together gently. I watched intently as he switched over to the other one and did the same thing. "Mommy's so soft," he purred, running his hands up and down my calves. The way he spoke was gentle and caring and I couldn't help but moan beneath his admiration. He worked his way up my legs to my inner thighs, bestowing nice little kisses with his sumptuously pink lips, humming against my skin so that I could feel each mark of affection all throughout my body. I pulled him in with my legs so his chest pressed against my stomach, his face nearly between my breasts. "Now, now, little boy. Don't get too excited. You can eat Mommy's pussy soon but not yet." When I leaned back he raised his hand between my parted legs and ran two fingers over my clit, purring in defiance until I caught his hand. "I want it." "No. Not until I say so. Don't make me hit you again." "I'm sorry." "Oh, you dirty little boy. You just want to suck on something because you're such a nasty fuck. Here," I said and untied the thin satin belt that was the only thing helping my dressing gown stay on me. When the soft swaths of fabric fell away completely, Bill's eyes glittered and his hands came up to smooth over the curves of my hips traveling them up to my breasts. I loved the way it looked when both his hands enclosed over my chest and squeezed before rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. They all but disappeared in his wide palms. When he kneaded them and groaned I felt the sensation spreading all over my body. Pushing my chest out a bit more, he stared up at me with wide questioning eyes like he was awaiting my instructions even though his tongue lolled out anyway. When he was done squeezing me with his hands he dipped down below my chin and let his tongue gently flick over one nipple. He hummed against me and drew circles round and round before drawing my taut skin between his lips to apply more suction. "I love your tits," he rasped after releasing my nipple from his mouth. "God, I love your gorgeous tits." "Easy, dirty boy," I talked down to him, literally as he was knelt on the carpet between my legs, head tilted back so I could preside over him. "I want to taste you, Mommy. Please let me?" He whispered. "Sh. Quiet now." I thought I had mostly forgotten my old ways but when I pushed Bill back onto his haunches and lowered my feet to run up his thighs, I felt the familiarity trickling back into me, restoring a feeling I had long since put away. "Put your hands behind your back. No touching." I warned him. He did as I told him and I thought he looked so good doing it that I wasn't sure if I could keep up the switch in our dynamic. I kind of wanted him to fuck me mercilessly as he sat in front of me looking deceptively innocent. With his hands held behind his back, it drew attention to his broad chest which I longed to press my lips against. He knelt down in front of me— his size cut nearly in half— yet still, he managed to tower. Despite feeling like I wasn't as good at being authoritative as I once was, I continued to run my feet up and down his clothed thighs, getting closer to his crotch each time. "Take off those pants," I told him. Maintaining eye contact, he hurriedly loosened his belt and pulled his legs out of the navy blue slacks. His cell phone dropped out of the pocket but he pushed it all aside next to his watch and bunched up shirt and faced me again in the same position. The way he was able to look at me with such temperance was astonishing. I never expected that he could be anything besides what he was; a domineering man that couldn't take no for an answer. But as he awaited my next move his expression was nothing but obedient and maybe even a little impetuous for what was to come. I loved his submissive position and loved even more that he was listening to me and not using his hands as I ran the soles of my feet up his legs again, stopping right as I reached the crotch of his underwear. Carefully, I lowered my right foot and used it to massage him, waking his cock and getting him hard enough for the outline of it to show through the soft fabric. He looked down, hands still clasped behind his back, eyes trained down his body to watch what I was doing to him. "Mmm... Yes, Mommy." "I bet that feels real good, doesn't it, bad boy?" He looked up at me and nodded with the most ridiculously fake yet satisfying look of untainted pleading slathered on thickly. No matter if he was forcing it or not, I liked the way he looked helpless and loved the way he sounded when he whimpered with each stroke I gave him. "Look at you getting all hard." I pointed out. He looked down and then back up at me with a pout. "Feels so good." "Yeah, I bet it does. Dirty little boys like you always like having their cocks played with." "More," he whispered. "What's that?" "More, please?" He asked louder. "What makes you think you deserve more, little boy?" He dropped his chin to his chest and watched me continue massaging him until he was fully erect, a small wet stain forming through the material of his underwear. His lips parted with such enthusiasm, he gazed back up at me and I had to bite my lip just to keep from groaning at the sight. He leaned back on his calves and purred each time I ran the balls of my foot up and down his shaft. "Oh, please. I'm so hard. Please... I need more." "I kind of want to make you come just like this. Do you think it's possible? I can see you're already leaking through your underwear, you dirty little bastard." "Mommy, please." He whined. "I love the sound of you begging. I think I could get used to you this way." The harder he got the easier it was for me to inflict exactly the kind of painful pleasure I wanted to. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he tilted his face back for a long cracking groan. Feeling his cock growing and throbbing on the pads of my feet was a sensation I had experienced before but never quite like that. I didn't know if it was the visual decadence of him on his knees before me, letting me degrade him or if it was all in my head but I swear I could feel the way he pulsed all throughout my body. He looked so pale and beautiful against the lush burgundy carpet of my bedroom and when I thought about how, at any moment, he could flip the switch on me and take over, it made it all feel almost comical. Of course, I would never actually be able to overpower him but his enthusiasm was enough to really lend to the fantasy that maybe I could reduce him to a whimpering mess. The lingering question was, how far would he allow me to go? The moment he started bucking his hips into me was the moment I pulled away. He sighed at the loss of contact and stared up at me to see just what I would do next. I looked down at him, enjoying the sight of the little stain of pre-cum that was showing through his Calvin Klein boxers. I smiled and he smiled back so pretty, cock twitching beneath the tight fabric. "Oh... Baby boy. Could you please pull that cock out for me? I want to watch you play with yourself real nice and slow. Go on." "Are you sure?" "Did I fucking stutter? Come on now, don't be a little bitch. Show me just how hard that cock is for me." "Yes, Mommy," he answered to which I couldn't help but shutter with the satisfaction after hearing his chosen term of endearment for the night. He brought his right hand around and grasped the hilt of his cock through his boxers, pulling the material taut so it showed through in more detail. I could distinctly make out the curving edge that was the head of his cock and exactly where it got a bit thicker halfway down his shaft. He lifted the band of his boxers and pulled himself out completely, lips glistening as he was finally allowed to touch himself. Both of us drew air in through our teeth as though we were sharing the feeling of his long fingers wrapping around the base of his cock. "Oh, fuck," Bill whimpered as he gave himself one long drawn stroke from hilt to head, stopping to run the tip of his thumb over the small drop of liquid at the very tip. "Look at that nice big dick. Tell me all the nasty shit you want to do with that cock, baby boy." "Yeah?" He asked, breathless, working himself slowly for both our pleasure. "You want to know?" Nodding, I urged him to continue, squirming only slightly, nipples hardening even more with arousal. I longed to hear the beautifully filthy things that were always dancing on his tongue. "I want to spit all over those gorgeous tits before jamming my dick between them. I want to get them all nice and wet and fuck them so hard. Then... I want to shove it down that pretty throat until you gag all over it. Fuck. Oh, God, I want to feel you choking on my cock right now." "Oh yeah? What about your mouth? What do you want to do with that filthy fucking mouth, huh?" His hand started stroking a little faster and he tried hard to choke down his groans. "Oh baby what I wanna do with my mouth... Fuck. I want to taste that pussy. I want to suck that clit and get all fucking messy with your pussy juice... Eat you until you're dripping cum down your legs and I'd drink every last drop of you. God, I need it." "Oh, you mean... This pussy?" I solicited, right before letting my legs fall open again so he could see me nearly naked. The robe had fallen off my shoulders and laid in a black puddle around my hips, splashing out over the strawberry silk covers of the bed. Bill rose up on his knees again, cock still in hand and staggered a bit closer. His eyes practically pried my legs apart and I knew at that moment I wouldn't be able to keep up the role for much longer. It was hard not to buckle and tell him to just give it all up so we could start fucking but I knew that he desired a long build-up packed with teasing so that the pay off was unbelievable. "Let me... Let me eat you. Please, I need to taste you on my tongue. Come on... I know you want to come all over my face." I sucked on my index finger again before feeding it to him. "Just keep that cock hard for me." He enclosed my digit, whimpering as he jerked himself, wanting more than what I was allowing him to take. I couldn't believe he was letting me tease and control him like that. He sucked on my finger like a newborn animal and whined until I pulled it out to run over my already aching clit, spreading our saliva over myself. I had neglected my own pleasure and when I finally gave myself a moment of stimulation it caused more waves than simple fingering usually would. What made it so amazing was making him watch me do it. "Mommy... I'm so hard for you. I'm trying to be a good boy. Please." I decided at that moment to stand up and since he had nowhere to go fast, his face came up to my lower abdomen. When I looked down at him at the same time he looked up to me, I felt another surge of power. "Please, may I lick your pussy?" I didn't have to say anything because he went for it and I wanted it bad. He hung out his tongue and ran those long spindly fingers up my thighs, giving me one long lick. I wanted to crumble and fall back onto the bed so he could crawl up over me and force my legs back toward my head like he always did but standing above him was still an intriguing change. There was a battle inside of my own head as he nuzzled his face between my legs, gently encouraging me to spread them apart for him. He reached up and laced his fingers through mine, pushing me slightly towards the bed. I knew that if I gave up my position that the tables would turn once again and I would have squandered perhaps the only chance Bill would ever give me to sexually rule him. After only a minute of him working me to the utmost wetness using his tongue and his voice to moan into me, I ran my hands through his hair, gripped the roots at the back of his head and pulled his face away from me so I could see how his mouth glimmered in the low light of the bedroom all abraded with my liquid. I hovered above him and couldn't help but smile as I sucked the saliva from the corners of my mouth. I had watched him do that and he had watched me watch him and the way he opened his mouth was hot as sin. "Yes, spit in my fucking mouth," he purred. "I'm such a bad boy." Cradling the back of his head, I let the fluid drip down into his open mouth and as soon as it landed on his tongue, I pulled his face between my thighs again. He mumbled something but I couldn't make it out as he was muffled between my thighs so I pulled his head back again by his hair, loving how easy it was to jerk him around. "What was that, baby boy?" "I said, ride my fucking face." At that moment I gave him a gentle but firm swipe across his cheek to which he moaned, mixed body fluids dripping from his lush lips. "Yes, abuse me. Hit me hard. You know I can take it." He seethed. After another hit he egged me on, even more, begging for me to strike him over and over and harder each time. When I reached my limit of how hard I would hit him he ran his hands up my legs and pulled them apart so he could run his tongue up my slit again, humming loudly, eyes burrowing into me. I wanted to let go. I didn't want to tell him what to do any longer. I wanted him to take me over and I think he picked up on it. With his hands gripping and spreading my thighs apart, he slathered his tongue all over me, moaning and murmuring. "Tastes so good. Mm, fuck I missed you. I missed my sweet, sweet pussy." I said nothing but I did hold his stare and watched as he lapped at me with a ferocity that set his eyebrows together. When it wasn't enough for him to just taste me he slipped in a finger and worked me up so deliciously until I was panting. He stood up but never stopped fingering me just so he could hover over me with one knee on the bed. "You giving up?" Shame turned in my chest but the sensation of him rubbing that spot inside of me as hard as I needed him to made me nod my head. "That's okay, baby girl. I want you to do a couple things for me right now. Can you do that?" "Yes." "Say, yes Daddy." "Yes, Daddy." "Mm, fuck!" He reveled. "One more time. Say it again." "Yes, Daddy!" He pulled his finger from me only to add a second and used the rest of his fingers to clamp down on me so he could continue fucking me knuckle-deep. "I want you to come for me first. I need you to come... All over my fingers and my mouth." Nodding frantically, we reached that agreement. He dropped back down to his knees between my legs and gave me all of his attention. Hot swirls of his tongue, gentle flickers mixed with exquisite sucking noises had me feeling so close to orgasm I could hardly bear it. "Yes, baby... You can do it. Come for me. Come all over Daddy's mouth." Shuttering so close to the edge and hearing Bill's voice enticing me, I gave in and let the pleasure rip through me until my legs convulsed and I couldn't stop the whine that escaped my mouth and my chanting of, "yes Daddy, yes Daddy, yes Daddy!" Bill moaned just as hard with me as I came and treated like he was experiencing it for himself. The exhilaration he got from it showed and he didn't stop licking at me until my hand came down to push his head away. "Oh... Good girl. That was so good. I need to just-" he paused his sentence to run his whole tongue over my spasming pussy. "One more taste." The sensation made my whole body jerk away but he had a firm hold of me. "You good?" He asked and I nodded. "Good... Because now I need you to do one other thing for me." "Okay," I whispered. He laced his fingers through mine and pulled me up to a sitting position. Bill remained knelt between my legs, eyes parallel with my heaving chest though he stared right up at me. "Marry me." The air evaporated from my lungs all at once and I was left stunned for more than a noticeable moment. "J... Marry me." "Fuck off." "I'm serious." "Fuck off!" He couldn't stop himself from cracking a smile. "Yeah. Okay? Marry me. I won't make you sign a fucking thing either. If we divorce I'll give you half of everything. That's how sure I am." "I hate you." "J..." "Why? Why Bill? Why are you doing his to me?" "I love you. I've loved you for so long and it never stops. I thought when you left me I could eventually bring myself to resent you but it only made it worse. You and Ivany are the only things that are real to me. You are the only meaning in my life and you created her and.. I just... I need you to marry me, all right?" "All right." "You will?" "Yes." So it would be that I would belong to him forever, in all ways and I felt completion ringing through what was left of my ugly, dirty soul. Although my pride had stuck a loaded gun to its head and pulled the trigger to splatter its innards all over the shambles of my independence, I knew I could find solace in knowing that just as much as I was his... He was mine. He was all mine.

FIN.

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgard smut #fanfiction

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aristarshower · 6 years

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Questions tag

@dragonscanbeplantstoo tagged me in two versions of the 10/11 question tag so I’m gonna answer the 21 questions at once and put them under a cut so I don’t clutter everyone’s tl!

Thank you so much for tagging me!!!!!

1. What’s one genre you really love the idea of, but are disappointed when you go to read/watch it?

Fantasy. I’m just so tired of the misogyny, racism and homophobia. So fuckinh tired.

2. Feelings about fire in general? (where my fellow pyros?)

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm no.

3. Which of your OCs is the kinkiest?

oh boi. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t know????????? My stories don’t have a lot of romance or smut in them?(Not against either in other’s stories I’m just not good at storylines involving romance?)

4. What is the one thing you most want a fan to say someday?

idk I’m pleased by the smallest things. Just an I love your stories is more than enough for me. But what I truly want is the insanely detailed meta that fandoms produce like wow never planned that but thats neat kind of meta you know?

5. Which OC do you think readers will like the most?

Kai i think? ik everyone will hate aux cause she is a confident female character. But I’ve seen people fall in love with kai so easily lmao.

6. Were your OCs born naturally, with pharmaceutical assistance, or via c section?

I’m not sure if you are asking in canon or if this is some kind of metaphor?

But in canon, kai was natural.

Fun side note tho: I have a whole world (it’s in the ideas folder for now. I haven’t written anything for it I think.) in which the difference between c-sections and natural births are really important and kind of form the basics of world building and the magic an individual can have.

7. What is the single emotion that is the absolute hardest for you to write? (loneliness, loss, hopelessness, joy, etc)

uhhh hopelessness is the hardest cause it hits me hard. But actually writing it is easy cause I feel it so much?

8. If your OC were a cookie, what sort of cookie would they be?

Kai would be oatmeal chocolate chip cookie

9. How important do you think it is to describe a character’s appearance?

I tend to go under than over with physical descriptions. But that changes with the POV. Kai files away important info especially strength and societal position and hidden weapons because of his past. But Sacrus on the other hand is attracted to the shiniest part of a person(as in the most attractive like a brilliant smile or pretty hair or twinkling eyes) because his artist brain is already figuring out how to put it on paper.

10. And, spitballing off that, which OC do you think is the prettiest?

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm they are all pretty in their own ways but the thing is none of them are conventionally(read euro centric) beautiful.

I’m putting the other 11 questions under the cut!

What cable news channel does your favorite OC turn to for information when something dramatic happens?

no cable in fantasy land. we have vampire telepathy tho.

One of your OCs is on an impromptu road trip and stops at a gas station in the middle of the night to pee and grab something to eat. They pick a drink, a salty snack, and a sweet snack. What are they?

kai would go for blood obviously, he wouldn’t really pick something salty unless he is in pain because salt is a vampire painkiller in my verse, he would totally go for cakes tho(sweet tooth idiot) preferably something blood flavored.

Your absolute most evil OC is startled by a toaster popping. What happens next?

the evilest of my ocs is an otherwordly eldritch horror that sucks life magic and color out of the world so uhh it would probably destroy the toaster?

Your sweetest OC goes up to the McDonald’s counter to get their order only to discover that after twenty minutes of waiting, the order is wrong, and this is the third time this has happened today. What happens next?

I don’t really have sweet ocs tbh but the closest is sel who would just accept his fate and drink the wrong drink. He would probably tip them too. But if it happens to someone he loves the barista would probs get a strong talking to and the drink returned(he would compensate with a bigger tip tho).

One of your OCs is in a Disney animated movie. What’s the “big” song of that movie? (Pocahontas’ was “colors of the wind,” Aladdin was “a whole new world,” Hercules was “zero to hero” etc.

None of them are straight enough to be in disney movies but kai would probs be let it go(sorry but it kind of fits him?)

Do you think having to write while stuck out in the wilderness by yourself (in a heated cabin, food and water but no wifi, tv, or phone service) would help or hurt?

help probably? unless i get terrified. For someone who loves isolation I sure am a wuss.

But not having wifi might hurt cause sometimes i get fixated on one little detail and it would help to just get it out of my system(like naming a character or some fact) by just looking it up.

You have written or thought about writing dirty fanfiction. What is it?

I used to be a fic writer lmao. I deleted everything so eh. I’m not gonna go into details tho.

Someone offers you thirty million dollars to ghostwrite a book about how Hell is real and all dogs go there, good or bad. Do you do it?

uhhhhhh yes? what kind of question is this? Do you know how many dogs I can have with 30 million dollars?????

You will automatically get a million dollar contract for anything you write, but it has to be at least five thousand words long AND you can only use as many letters of the alphabet as complete pullups you can do. How does that work out?

I’ve never done one(1) pull up in my entire life. How dare you?

Your dog turns into a person and writes a book about your lives together, and it gets turned into a movie. During the premiere of the movie, your dog turns to you and tells you that Hell is a place of our own making. What kind of popcorn do you order?

classic salted. maybe butter and salted if im feeling wild.(we dont really get a lot of options for popcorn in movies here? its usually just salted and maybe caramel? i dont like sweets oops)

What’s a genre of fiction you don’t think you’d ever get the hang of writing?

romance or horror? romance is a really hard genre to write tbh. (for me). I have mad respect for romance writers. Horror is a no cause im a wuss.

#about me #about wips #about kaiden #about kai #about destiny #sacrus is from destiny #my writing #tag game

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