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rosethornewrites · 1 year

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Fic: a pool of light, ch. 3

Additional Tags: Pre-Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Reconciliation, Dissociation, Mental Health Issues, Anniversary, Food, Food as a Metaphor for Love, Found Family, Emotional Constipation, Communication Failure, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín is Bad at Feelings, Jiāng Chéng | Jiāng Wǎnyín is Trying, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn Needs a Hug, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, POV Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, POV Third Person, Podfic Welcome, Food Sex, Friendship, Reconciliation, Psychological Trauma

Summary: A reconciliation, but not the one expected.

Notes: See end.

Part 1 | Part 2

Chapter: 1 | 2

AO3 link

——————

The next morning, Wei Ying’s phone, playing A-Li’s ringtone, wakes them—later than they usually rouse, but they had an emotional evening and a very late night. He hesitates only briefly before answering, not because he doubts her, but because the emotions of yesterday wash through him so powerfully he almost forgets the phone is ringing.

A-Zhan squeezes his hand, and he squeezes back as he answers.

She starts with small talk, clearly hesitant to discuss Jiang Cheng’s actions, but eventually she broaches the subject.

“I didn’t know what A-Cheng was planning, or I would have told him to do it on a different day. I hope it didn’t ruin your anniversary. A-Xuan is going to settle quickly, so Jin Enterprises won’t challenge the suit. You deserve restitution, A-Ying.”

The wording rubs him wrong, like she wouldn’t have told him even if she knew in advance, like she would have let him go through this some other day. He’s not sure if he’s reading too much into her words, if this is his trauma misinterpreting.

Wei Ying can feel himself slipping into a dissociative state, focusing vaguely on his husband’s morning wood against his leg and imagining the glorious sensation of taking it with the remnants of last night’s lube only barely dulling the pain of the stretch.

It takes a moment to drag his attention back to the conversation, and he does his best not to feel guilty about thinking of being fucked by his husband while talking to his sister on the phone.

“Wen Qing is going to reach out to him about Dafan Applications joining the suit on my behalf to make it more, ah… legitimate.”

He can’t help but wince at the word, since it makes it clear Jiang Cheng no longer has the standing alone as his brother to do this—his estrangement from the family had been so terribly ugly and public, after all, and in that time his brother had never reached out, not even when Uncle Jiang had his heart attack. For that matter, Jiang Fengmian has never reached out, either.

A bitter lump settles in his throat, hurt he still carries, and he knows he’ll need to make an appointment with his therapist to unpack this, and then he’ll be nonfunctional the rest of the day—and he’s so tired of having to unpack and process his damn trauma all the time.

A-Li’s pause speaks multitudes, perhaps about her own guilt, and Wei Ying steadfastly refuses to feel guilt about her own guilt, too many emotions bogging down his brain. He can barely manage his own right now, let alone anyone else’s, even Jiejie’s.

“That’s a fantastic idea,” she finally settles on, “and I’m sure A-Cheng will welcome it.”

After some awkwardness, the rest of the conversation turns to tales of little A-Ling and his toddler adventures, which Wei Ying answers with stories of A-Yuan and Turmeric. It ends on a promise to get together soon, “once this unpleasantness is settled,” in A-Li’s words.

When they hang up, he lets A-Zhan draw him close and hold him, settling his head against his chest to hear his heartbeat.

Once, his adoptive sister was someone he went to for comfort in difficult times, but she wasn’t there in the most difficult ones, and now Wei Ying feels like they’re circling around each other, trying to find the shape of a new relationship, but always out of step. Where once he craved her warmth and would bring up her number on his cell and wish he could call her, now it’s hard to look forward to her calls, harder to reach out himself.

He has trouble finding that trust he once had, reminded all too often that she capitulated to demands he be cut off, by her parents and Jiang Cheng, by her husband’s family. He doesn’t even know if she really believed in his innocence. It’s not like he can entirely blame her—they were raised in the same household, and each of them carries the scars of that upbringing.

Wei Ying isn’t sure there’s any going back, and sometimes it feels like she wants to return to what was instead of figuring out where they are now. Compu-Jiang’s motto may be “attempt the impossible,” but too often this seems beyond even that, and he wonders if he’ll always hold her at arm’s length, if this is just another part of his life destroyed forever.

Eventually A-Zhan rises, helps him into a much-needed shower, and tenderly bathes him, the kind of non-sexual intimacy he needs right now. Wei Ying returns the favor, happy to focus on dragging a soft sponge across flesh, on laving away the remnants of their night, massaging shampoo into his scalp and rinsing the suds away. They dry each other, too, and dress in comfortable pajamas.

A-Zhan makes congee and pulls out some of the leftovers from dinner to act as toppings, one of their favorite ways to repurpose leftovers into a hearty breakfast. They’ll probably use some of it for fried rice, and others will be reheated as side dishes for supper.

They have a few hours before Lan Xichen returns with A-Yuan, and neither of them have messages from anyone—which means their son is fine, that Wen Qing is handling the lawsuit issue and doesn’t need their input, and that neither of their numbers have leaked to the press—though they don’t tempt fate by looking at their emails, personal or work.

Which means they’re left with several hours to kill, and after spending the night having increasingly kinky followed by increasingly lazy sex, they’re quite sated and a bit too sore and tired to have another round.

Instead, they let Turmeric out of his hutch so he can hop around the living room while they watch a documentary about Chinese music traditions, one of A-Zhan’s major interests that will also allow Wei Ying to cuddle up and dissociate to music.

Wei Ying hasn’t been able to concentrate on watching anything longer than half an hour since the Jin were arrested and the media converged on them, while A-Zhan requires distraction from his anxiety, so this was the solution they alit on, a way for them to be secure and loved and close while also handling their mental health needs.

The credits (because A-Zhan of course reads those) have just finished rolling when A-Zhan’s phone alerts, the gentle guqin note indicating a text message.

“Xiongzhang would like to know if Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang can accompany him when he brings A-Yuan home,” he says.

The plan has always been that Lan Xichen would bring lunch when he came to drop off A-Yuan, so he’s really asking if he can bring them as guests to lunch. It’s nice of him to ask instead of just doing.

Wei Ying has a suspicion that Nie Huaisang is behind the request, that he wants to reconnect after the takedown of the Jins. He hasn’t seen his old friend since his public disowning and the subsequent blacklist years, but Nie Mingjue’s health had failed due to the stress of the targeted attack against Nie Innovations, and he’d changed phone numbers and email addresses multiple times due to harassment since, so it wasn’t terribly surprising.

A-Zhan is watching him quietly, putting no pressure on him for an answer either way, which means he has no objection either way. It used to be a problem, A-Zhan capitulating to what Wei Ying wanted, but their therapy has helped him voice his desires and made their relationship healthier.

He’s a bit surprised to realize he would like to reconnect with Nie Huaisang, though there’s a painful nostalgia associated. Along with Jiang Cheng, they’d been terrors as kids, pulling all sorts of ridiculous shenanigans, and those memories bubble up with the thought of reconnecting with his old friend, bittersweet now that those days are long behind them, those relationships lost.

“They can come,” he murmurs finally. “We’ll try it.”

And he truly means try—A-Zhan will happily alert his brother if either of them is distressed, and Lan Xichen has not let them down since he returned to their lives after the ugly meeting with Lan Qiren, and he won’t hesitate to usher the Nies out if needed. But if they’re lucky, this lunch will be a little like the dinner that had brought A-Zhan’s brother back into their lives, a chance to heal and find the shape of potentially a better relationship.

After A-Zhan texts his brother, they prepare the apartment for guests, including putting Turmeric back in his hutch, tossing their very used sheets in the wash and tidying up from breakfast; they keep a tidy apartment generally, thanks to his husband, so they’ve also changed out of their pajamas and have tea on by the time their guests buzzed to be let in.

A-Yuan insists on hugs immediately upon entering, which is a nice distraction from their guests, and then he runs past them to greet Turmeric in his hutch, leaving them to awkwardly greet the Nies and Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue’s regained some of his health since Wei Ying last saw a picture of him, but still has a wasted look about him, and Wei Ying wonders if his and A-Zhan’s troubled years show on them to those they knew before. Nie Huaisang presses an intricately carved wooden box on them, and inside is the sort of teapot one might give at a wedding—Yixing clay, red with intertwined golden dragons, clearly customized and made for a couple.

“Thank you for having us,” is all his old friend says, but the gift is far more than a guest gift.

From the way A-Zhan is handling it and Nie Huaisang’s tastes generally, it’s clearly a very expensive piece. He’s sending a message—in part an apology for distance, for missing their wedding, not that they’d expected him given the sudden collapse of Nie Innovations at the time. Nie Mingjue’s faintly embarrassed expression solidifies that idea.

Just the memory is exhausting for Wei Ying, and his mind distracts him, wondering if at some point A-Zhan would like to renew their vows now that they’re in better times. They’ve certainly managed being there for each other in sickness, and it could be a statement looking forward to healthier times.

Lan Xichen’s comment, something about not talking shop today, brings him back to the present.

“Agreed,” A-Zhan says, his voice doing that thing that implies he will brook no argument.

He’s directing this to Nie Huaisang, who smiles sheepishly and nods, then hides his face behind a fan he unfurls dramatically.

Wei Ying remembers teasing him about his love of collectible fans, and he can almost hear Jiang Cheng asking how many fans one person can have, and Nie Huaisang arguing there is no limit.

“It’s not about how many I can use. If I get enjoyment out of them, even just looking at them, they’re worth having,” he said at the time.

He doesn’t understand the need to collect, even now, having learned young not to get attached to physical things that could be taken away thanks to a combination of foster care and Yu Ziyuan.

The one Nie Huaisang has with him now was one of his favorites back in high school, Wei Ying remembers, and he wonders if carrying it today means something, is some kind of message, then shakes himself out of that line of thinking, knowing that way lies madness. He knows from therapy that he all too often looks for hidden meanings and agendas when he feels on edge, something borne from so many years of trauma even before the corporate espionage accusation thanks to survival mechanisms developed because of Madam Yu, survival mechanisms that are no longer useful and instead lead him to seek patterns where none exist.

“It’s good to see you again,” he finally settles on, a safe thing to say, and effective if the way Nie Huaisang lights up is any indication.

“Ah, Wei-ge, you too—oh, wait, you’re both Wei-ge now, so maybe I should call you Ying-ge and Zhan-ge?”

His hands flutter as he speaks, and Wei Ying can’t help but smile at the frenetic energy he somehow forgot Nie Huaisang exudes in his speech when nervous, how it reminds him of high school and some of their silly shenanigans. He does his best to ignore the flip side of those memories—the punishments he received the times they were caught, and the fact that the last third of their trio is still absent, the weird attempt at apology notwithstanding.

Nie Huaisang just ghosted him, not that he didn’t do the same, afraid to reach out lest he be blamed for Nie Innovations’ woes as well, so this reunion was less fraught, to a certain extent. Jiang Cheng… well, that’s different, involved hurtful words, You are dead to me, he remembers among the worst of them.

“Those work fine,” A-Zhan answers for him, likely noticing he’s become lost in his thoughts, then asks after Nie Mingjue’s health.

The distraction is welcome, and Wei Ying focuses on pouring tea for their guests while their guests answer—recovered, mostly, but under doctors’ orders not to engage in stressful activities. While Nie Mingjue speaks, Lan Xichen spreads the takeout on their lazy Susan, and A-Yuan rejoins them and helps set the table, lured out away from Turmeric by the smell.

They’ve brought Indian from one of the better places in the city, and it smells heavenly—and Wei Ying isn’t ignorant of the fact that a particular container of rogan josh has been set by his seat, meaning it’s extra spicy, just the way he likes, along with several samosas that also must run on the spicy side. He’s not sure whether A-Zhan texted his brother his favorite or if this is somehow Nie Huaisang remembering from years ago his preferred order from takeout during college.

Other dishes on the lazy Susan include more samosas, palak paneer, and mushroom korma, likely made with a spice level the Lans can tolerate, goshtaba, chicken tikka masala, and dhaba goat, which he guesses is likely for Nie Mingjue, though they’ll all share (except him because no one else can handle his spice level). There are plates of paratha and naan, as well, with gajar ka halwa and gulab jamun for dessert. There’s even a plate of the typical raita, pappadum, chutney, and other sides that would be typically served in-restaurant alongside their meals.

As Nie Mingjue discusses his health, with occasional interjections by Nie Huaisang, they all fill their plates with their preferred foods—Wei Ying taking tastes of the mushroom korma, goshtaba, and dhaba goat, but otherwise sticking to his rogan josh.

His maladies are largely heart-related, brought on by extreme stress, which required some major lifestyle changes, they learn. He’s recovered a lot, but is still monitored by doctors and largely uninvolved in the recovery and running of the company, which falls to Nie Huaisang.

“A-Sang is doing a wonderful job running the company, and Xichen’s help is very welcome,” he finishes simply.

Nie Huaisang makes a token protest at being responsible for anything, which none of them buy, and they turn to the task of eating, thankfully saved from difficult conversation as A-Yuan talks between bites about his fun sleepover, taking them through each hour with occasional interjected additions from the Nies or questions by Wei Ying or A-Zhan.

They’ve chosen not to address, by mutual agreement, that Lan Xichen seems to have moved in more with the Nies than his own apartment, with A-Zhan wanting him to finally have space to make his own decisions and decide what to tell others. It’s the sort of independence they’ve started to give A-Yuan with smaller matters, and Wei Ying knows his husband is very aware of the fact that neither of them were ever given that by Lan Qiren, that A-Zhan himself wrested that in his decision to stand by him against his uncle’s wishes.

In many ways, they’re all having to heal from traumas, and Wei Ying thinks that may be why he doesn’t judge Lan Xichen for anything that happened—for someone so lacking in independence, his fight to keep him from being charged despite the will of the GusuLan Tech board and his uncle took incredible willpower. He wants to imagine that maybe Jiang Cheng and even Jiang Yanli are coming from similar places, but he’s too close to it to be able to analyze it in the same way.

Yeah, he can see there’s definitely going to be a very intense therapy session in his near-immediate future.

Lan Xichen cleared A-Yuan meeting the Nies with them in advance, and they okayed it—they weren’t strangers, and he and A-Zhan decided that the gap of time since seeing them last had not made them strangers, which was why he could handle them being here, in their home, instead of meeting them elsewhere as they did with other people trying to reenter their lives. Jiang Yanli still hasn’t been to their home, for instance, and after this morning…

Wei Ying takes a deep breath and mentally drags himself back to the conversation in time to hear A-Yuan talk about all of Nie Huaisang’s fans, which are apparently in some sort of special cabinet with drawers for each one, which he’s guessing he’s had custom-made. The last time he remembers visiting him they were all displayed, which probably means something about how vast his collection has grown.

“How many fans do you have now, anyway?”

Nie Huaisang blushes at the question, which he finds amusing, but Nie Mingjue answers for him with a number that has thousand in it, and he can’t help but laugh at the chagrined look that follows.

“How on earth do you display them all?” he can’t help but ask.

This proves to be a mistake, as they are run through a list of themes and fans until Nie Mingjue shoves a samosa in his mouth—unfortunately one of Wei Ying’s, which leads to the need to get something to quench the fire in his taste buds.

A-Zhan quickly gets a glass of orange juice, which he’s learned through accidents with A-Yuan taking a bite of A-Die’s food without thinking to keep close to the table, and disaster is averted. Wei Ying eats the rest of the samosa anyway, not one to waste good food, but the act feels more weighty than that since it’s something he did in the old days when it was common for them to share food like this, like something important has shifted into place. Somehow the atmosphere eases, and conversation becomes less stilted.

He’ll only really understand it later, when he has a chance to think and talk with A-Zhan, after the Nies and Lan Xichen leave. This winds up being much later in the evening, after Nie Huaisang pouts about the mishap and Nie Mingjue apologizes, laughing still at his brother’s face, red and tear-streaked after the spice. After they finish dinner, they have more tea and dessert, which eases poor Nie Huaisang’s taste buds a bit more. A-Yuan insists they introduce the newcomers to Turmeric, and ultimately they settle in the living room with Dora the Explorer on in the background for chatting and play, Turmeric snuggled on Nie Mingjue’s lap, Nie Huaisang joining Wei Ying and A-Yuan in building a block tower, even, until A-Yuan’s naptime.

Before they leave, Nie Huaisang asks them to come for dinner in the next few weeks, and Wei Ying feels safe enough to agree when A-Zhan glances at him.

Distractions continue in the form of chores to be done and dinner to be made. Despite being mostly leftovers, decisions about how to work Indian cuisine into Chinese cuisine keep their minds blessedly busy. They’re nothing if not pros at compartmentalizing.

It will be nearly bedtime before he and A-Zhan discuss the day and he realizes this is evidence that they don’t have to keep their entire old lives cut off; they can pick and choose who they decided to include in their lives going forward from this time, this opportunity for reconnection. They can decide what role the people they reconnect with will play, and in some ways that’s simultaneously an incredibly freeing but also intensely terrifying prospect.

But the overtures toward such reconnections don’t have to be stressful, like reaching out and actively attempting to bridge the chasm of so many years, or announcing a lawsuit like Jiang Cheng has chosen in an effort to somehow make amends. Their relatively simple decision to allow A-Yuan to come into contact with the Nies via Lan Xichen was likely the impetus that led them to ask if they could come for lunch, leading to this tentative revival of their relationships.

All they have to do is find a way to send out feelers to old friends they may want in their lives again. And that, he knows, is something he and A-Zhan can decide to do together.

Wei Ying still has no idea what to do about Jiang Cheng’s overture, but that can be handled as it comes.

—————

So A-Zhan and Wei Ying’s mental health difficulties manifest in different ways, based partly on my own and how they manifest in sometimes very different ways at different times, and those of friends and family. Wei Ying’s voice and his difficulty focusing because of the mental health is interesting and sometimes hard to write, because it involves a lot of reflection on my part as the writer. One thing to remember is that, because this is written very much in Wei Ying’s mind, as readers you may notice how a sort of paranoia exists around his very close relationships.

I read a Tumblr post not long ago that discussed bullying and trauma and I read it while I was high so that sent me down a weird spiral of thought. Trauma, like with bullying, impacts our sense of safety to the point of needing to hide our full selves because all people are potential threats who cannot know our vulnerabilities. Maybe some, but not all, which means we might show different aspects of our personalities depending on what we feel safe to show. The problem with that is the potential to lose one’s sense of self doing that, so a much smaller group of close relations is the way to counter that.

Basically, Wei Ying is seeing everything through trauma goggles, especially seeing possible betrayal or hints to hunker down again in the NC-zone. He knows this, but doesn’t always see it in his own reactions and what he feels the need to emphasize. Like with Jiang Yanli, where he focused on all the problematic phrases, recognizing at one point that he’s doing it, but ending with another he doesn’t recognize (her use of “unpleasantness” to describe the situation). So this isn’t necessarily her dismissing this event as nothing, or her not also being retraumatized by these events. It’s Wei Ying’s perspective and he can recognize how it impacts his interpretation, but not how it was meant by Jiang Yanli. He’s fucking terrified and it impacts his perception. It’s a bit of a miracle that he’s able to tolerate the Nies in his space for so long, and he should be proud he didn’t dissociate entirely.

That was a ramble but also I am a little high again. Thank goodness for legal states because my chronic pain is eased a bit, as is some of my anxiety.

So with the Yixing teapot… this is some of the highest quality clay used to make teapots in the world. Furthermore, the clay used is harvested from spots with particular minerals that change the composition and color depending, as well as the value. This teapot could be made of hongyi (red) clay, which is a top-quality color. But there’s also a much more expensive possibility, a particular kind called zhuni, which fires especially densely in a way that makes it nearly perfect as a teapot but means most of the pots crack in firing and are useless, leaving a precious few surviving. Which is why it is extremely expensive and requires expert verification on authenticity.

You decide which it is!

Now that I think about it, that very kind of teapot, the zhuni, could have been the one the Nies presented to Lan Qiren during the CQL lecture arc. I don’t know.

I could explain the different Indian dishes, but I figure that’s easy to look up if you’re curious. Basically there’s mild vegetarian dishes for the Lans. Rogan josh is a particular kind of curry that’s known to be very flavorful and spicy. Goshtaba is a yogurt-based curry with mutton meatballs. Ca halwa is a sort of carrot pudding (insert bunny joke). The rest of the dishes are fairly standard fare one might find easily in any Indian restaurant in the US. I used to sleep over at a friend’s house when I was in elementary school, and her grandma used to make what I called “Indian pancakes” for us, which I’m pretty sure was actually paratha. She didn’t speak English, so we couldn’t talk, but I adored her.

I hope you enjoyed this piece in the series. Jiang Cheng really is of the opinion that he’s sent out his overture, and is waiting to see if Wei Ying responds. He’s just as nervous and uncertain as Wei Ying, but shows it differently because he’s an angry grape. His idea of an overture is much different than theirs, of course. It’s more of a crescendo, but that’s kind of him.

I’m doing ok, largely unpacked, but mental health is very difficult and there were some very ugly hiccups that cost money, time, and spoons. Recovering enough that I’m cooking again, which is… I just haven’t had the energy for anything but simple and easy for a long time. Haven’t started a freelance gig yet. It’s hard. And it shouldn’t be, but it is and it sucks.

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fannish-karmiya · 3 years

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Wei Wuxian’s Position in the Jiang Household

Fandom tends to mischaracterise Wei Wuxian’s position in the Jiang family greatly. A lot of people project more modern ideas about adoption onto his relationship with the Jiang siblings, and write as if he really is their sibling and only Yu Ziyuan’s abusive nature gets in the way of their bond.

This strikes me as a bit misguided. While adoption was practised in ancient China, it was mainly for the purpose of obtaining a male heir in the absence of one, or obtaining more daughters to marry off for alliances. Jiang Fengmian had no reason to adopt Wei Wuxian into the main family, and he didn’t. Wei Wuxian’s position in the household is far more nebulous than that, and honestly it’s hard to find an exact corollary, in Chinese history or in any culture, precisely because it was so messy and ill-defined.

A Companion to Upper Class Children

Wei Wuxian is the son of a servant of Yunmeng Jiang; it’s notable that Wei Changze is always referred to this way, rather than as a disciple. Wei Changze wound up leaving the sect in order to marry Cangse Sanren, and Jiang Fengmian considered them dear enough friends that when he heard they passed away, he spent years searching for their orphaned son. He wound up finding Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling and brought him home as his ward.

Wei WuXian was taken home by Jiang FengMian when he was nine.

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang YanLi, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few.

She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling.

(Chapter 24, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear from the start that beyond this sense of obligation to his old friends, Jiang Fengmian also had a role set out for Wei Wuxian: he wanted him to be a companion to his children, and Jiang Cheng in particular.

He encourages a friendship between them, insisting on a sleepover between the two a week into Wei Wuxian’s stay.

On the second day, Jiang Cheng’s puppies were given to someone else.

This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian. Quite a few days later, Jiang Cheng’s attitude softened. Jiang FengMian wanted to strike while the iron was still hot, so he told Wei WuXian to sleep in the same room as him, hoping that they’d grow fonder of each other.

[...]

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

[...]

Wei WuXian waited outside for a long time. When the door opened, before the joy could spread onto his face, he was bombarded with a pile of things being thrown out. The door banged shut again.

Jiang Cheng told him from inside, “Go sleep somewhere else! This is my room! You’re even gonna steal my room?!”

[...]

Standing outside, as Wei WuXian heard that dogs would come bite him, fear immediately bubbled within him. Twisting his fingers, he hurried, “I’ll go, I’ll go. Don’t call the dogs!”

Dragging behind him the sheets and blanket that were thrown outside, he ran out the hall. Having only arrived at Lotus Pier for a short period of time, he didn’t dare jump around yet. Every day, he obediently holed up in the places that Jiang FengMian told him to stay at. He didn’t even know where his room was, much less have the courage to knock on other people’s doors, scared that it’d disturb someone’s dreams.

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

After Jiang Cheng is worried about getting in trouble, he goes to Jiang Yanli for help, and she searches for Wei Wuxian.

But this was the first pair of shoes that Jiang FengMian bought him. Wei WuXian was too embarrassed to make him go out of his way to buy another pair, and so he said that they weren’t too big. Jiang YanLi helped him into his shoe and pressed the hollow tip, “It is a bit big. I’ll fix it for you when we get back.”

Hearing this, Wei WuXian felt somewhat uneasy, as if he did something wrong again.

Living in other people’s homes, the worst that could happen was to make trouble for the hosts.

Jiang YanLi put him onto her back and began to walk back, wobbling in her steps as she spoke, “A-Ying, no matter what A-Cheng said to you, don’t bother about him. He doesn’t have a good temper, so he’s always home playing with himself. Those puppies were his favorites. Dad sent them away, and so he’s feeling upset. He’s actually really happy that somebody’s here to be with him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later, Wei Wuxian offers to cover for him, saying simply that he ran outside by himself because he was scared. In this one case it feels like a genuine instance of children showing solidarity and covering for each other’s little misbehaviours. But it also follows a pattern of Wei Wuxian doing this and making excuses, time and time again, for Jiang Cheng. I wonder if on some level, he already knew that his role in the household was in part to be a companion-servant to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian normally never puts up with people treating him poorly or being arrogant; he constantly bites his tongue when Jiang Cheng does so around him. While they study at Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng frequently insults Wei Wuxian, who always just smiles and laughs it off.

Jiang Cheng humphed, “Him? He wakes at nine in the morning and sleeps at one during the night. When he wakes up, he doesn’t practice his sword or meditate; he goes boating, swims around, picks lotus seedpods, and hunts for pheasants.”

Wei WuXian replied, “No matter how much pheasants I hunt, I’m still number one.”

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!”

(Chapter 16, Exiled Rebels translation)

We never see Wei Wuxian excusing this sort of behaviour from any other character; he has no problem scolding Jin Ling for his arrogant attitude and telling him that he shouldn’t be imitating his uncle, after all! It’s only where Jiang Cheng is concerned that he does this, and honestly, even then he seems to be quite aware that Jiang Cheng’s behaviour is wrong; he simply accepts on some level that it’s his role in the household to put up with it.

He actually does, very gently, try to guide Jiang Cheng at times. In Lotus Seed Pods, for example, he tries to give Jiang Cheng advice on how to flirt with some of the maidens in Yunmeng and make friends:

Wei WuXian threw the seed pods toward the shore. It was a far distance, but they landed lightly in the women’s hands. He grabbed a few more and stuffed them into Jiang Cheng’s arms, shoving, “What are you doing, just standing there? Hurry up.”

After a few shoves, Jiang Cheng could only accept them, “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei WuXian, “You ate the watermelon too, so you also have to return the gift, don’t you? Here, here, don’t be embarrassed. Start throwing, start throwing.”

Jiang Cheng snorted again, “You must be joking. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Whatever he said, however, even after all of the shidi began to throw seed pods, he still didn’t start to move. Wei WuXian urged, “Then throw some! If you throw some this time, next time you can ask them if the seed pods tasted good, and you’ll be able to make conversation again!”

[...]

Jiang Cheng was just about to throw one when he realized how shameless it was the moment he heard it. He peeled a seed pod and ate it by himself.

[...]

After a while of laughter, he turned around and looked at Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the front of the boat eating seed pods with a long face. His smile gradually disappeared as he sighed, “Well, what an unteachable child.”

Jiang Cheng fumed, “So what if I want to eat alone?”

Wei WuXian, “Look at you, Jiang Cheng. Nevermind. You’re hopeless. Just wait to eat alone your whole life!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even sighs rather disappointedly when Jiang Cheng refuses to take the hint; he knows that Jiang Cheng’s sullen behaviour is going to make him miserable down the line, but all of his gentle efforts to nudge him in a better direction have failed.

He also speaks with great awareness of Jiang Cheng’s flaws after the fight in the ancestral hall:

Wei WuXian reached out with one hand and massaged his chest, as if trying to break up the pent-up feeling inside his heart. A moment later, he blurted, “I knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have let us go so easily. That brat… How could this be?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian’s eyelids throbbed, “Every one of them. The brat’s been like this ever since he was young.He’ll say anything when he’s angry, no matter how bad it is. He gives up on all grace and discipline whatsoever. As long as it’d annoy whomever he’s against, he’d say it no matter what terrible insults he uses. After all these years, he hasn’t gotten better at all. Please don’t take it to heart.”

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is so interesting to me, because it really makes it clear that Wei Wuxian has always been aware of these flaws of Jiang Cheng’s. He hasn’t been viewing him through rose-coloured lenses or making excuses for him because he’s ‘family’. He puts up with Jiang Cheng’s behaviour because being his companion is one of his duties in the Jiang household. It may never have been directly stated, but there seems to be some unspoken understanding to this effect.

I honestly don’t know if there is any official role in history (in any culture, not just China) which perfectly correlates to this. In China a lady’s maid was expected to also be a close friend and companion to her mistress (in canon, see Bicao to Qin-furen and Yinzhu and Jinzhu to Yu-furen). In Europe an upper class woman would hire a lady’s companion, a woman from the lower fringes of the gentry who would serve as her companion in exchange for financial support.

I don’t know of any version of this role which involves two men. In general, this sort of role existed because upper class women were confined to the household by and large, and had very limited social spheres. Men, meanwhile, had much greater ability to meet with their peers and make friends. I almost feel like Wei Wuxian wound up being shoved into this role simply because even as a child Jiang Cheng was so unsociable that Jiang Fengmian didn’t know what else to do!

Wei Wuxian also at least once steps in and starts a fight in place of Jiang Cheng (essentially taking the fall for him). He does this when Jin Zixuan speaks disparagingly of Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses:

Jin ZiXuan asked in reply, “Why don’t you ask me how on Earth can I be satisfied with her?”

Jiang Cheng instantly stood up.

Pushing him to the side, Wei WuXian walked in front of him and sneered, “You sure think that you’re pretty satisfying, don’t you? Where did you get the guts to be all choosy here?”

[...]

Wei WuXian sighed, “… It’d be nice if shijie came. It’s fortunate that you didn’t hit him.”

Jiang Cheng, “I was going to. If you didn’t push me, the other side of Jin ZiXuan’s face would also be ruined.”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s also very notable that Wei Wuxian is never shown having friends outside of Jiang Cheng’s social circle, despite what an outgoing and friendly person he is. Any time he expresses interest in someone for himself, as with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng tries to nip it in the bud. Being unable to deter Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji directly, Jiang Cheng instead tries to drive a wedge between them, constantly telling Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji hates him.

“Yeah,” Nie HuaiSang spoke, “It looks like he really hates you, Wei-xiong. Lan WangJi usually… No, he never does something so impolite.”

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng pulled him even closer, “It’s not as if you’re familiar with him! Don’t you see how much he hates you? You’re going to carry him? He probably doesn’t even want you a step closer to him.”

(Chapter 52, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even directly orders Wei Wuxian not to invite Lan Wangji to come visit him at Lotus Pier during the Lotus Seed Pod extra.

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not only Lan Wangji he tries to steer Wei Wuxian away from; he also interrupts his conversation with Wen Ning at the archery competition:

Wen QiongLin was probably one of Wen Clan’s disciples furthest in bloodline. His status was neither high nor low, yet his personality was timid. He didn’t dare do anything and even his speech stuttered. Through much practice, he had finally conjured up the courage to enter the competition, but he blew it because he was too nervous. If he didn’t receive the right guidance, perhaps the boy would hide his true self more and more from now on and never dare to perform in front of other people again. Wei WuXian encouraged him a couple of times and touched on a few areas of growth, correcting some miniscule problems that he had when he was shooting in the garden. Wen QiongLin listened so attentively that he didn’t even turn his eyes away, nodding uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng, “Where did you find so much nonsense? The competition is starting soon. Get into the arena right now!”

Wei WuXian spoke to Wen QiongLin in a serious tone, “I’ll be off to the competition now. Later, you can see how I shoot when I’m in the arena…”

Jiang Cheng dragged him away, short of patience. He spat as he dragged, “See how you shoot? Do you think that you’re a model or something?!”

(Chapter 59, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even when it comes to Wei Wuxian’s friendly flirtation with Mianmian, Jiang Cheng has something to say and tries to deter him from her:

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Chapter 56, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng really does seem to view Wei Wuxian in a very proprietary light; he’s not allowed to have any friendships which don’t exist under Jiang Cheng’s direct control.

The idea that Wei Wuxian was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s servant-friend is reinforced at its darkest when Lotus Pier falls: both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s last words to Wei Wuxian are an instruction to protect Jiang Cheng.

One hand holding him, Madam Yu grabbed Wei WuXian’s lapels with her other hand as though to strangle him to death. She spoke through clenched teeth, “… You damn little brat! I hate you! I hate you more than anything else! Look at what our sect has gone through for your sake!”

[...]

Madam Yu, “Don’t make such a fuss. It’ll loosen up when you’re somewhere safe. If anyone attacks you on the journey, it’ll protect you as well. Don’t come back. Go to Meishan straight away and find your sister!”

After she finished, she turned to Wei WuXian and pointed at him, “Wei Ying! Listen to me! Protect Jiang Cheng, protect him even if you die, do you understand?!”

[...]

Jiang FengMian stared into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out. Only after pausing in the air did he finally touch Jiang Cheng’s head, slowly, “A-Cheng, be well.”

Wei WuXian, “Uncle Jiang, if anything happens to you, he won’t be well.”

Jiang FengMian turned his eyes to him, “A-Ying, A-Cheng… you must look after him.”

(Chapter 58, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even Jiang Fengmian, who supposedly favoured Wei Wuxian, only gives him instructions as pertains to his own son; he doesn’t spare a single last word for Wei Wuxian himself.

A Lower Status Family Member

It wasn’t uncommon throughout human history, across many cultures, for wealthy families to take in relatives who were orphaned or had otherwise fallen on hard times. They tended to have a lower status than the main family; they lived with them and were still a part of their social sphere, but were not quite equal, either. The English term for this is ‘poor relation’.

Obviously, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually a blood relative at all. But his position in the Jiang household definitely has some similarities. He lives in the main house, eats meals with the family, attends school with the son... He is even on some conditional levels accepted into the gentry of cultivation society. But he isn’t a full equal member of the family, either.

The fact that he’s Jiang Fengmian’s ward, not a blood relative or adopted into the main family, puts him at even more of a disadvantage. It seems that Jiang Fengmian paid for all of Wei Wuxian’s expenses:

Wei WuXian took a bite, “Back then, I didn’t even have to pay when I ate at the dock. I grabbed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted; ran after I grabbed, walked as I ate. A month later, the vendor would get the reimbursement from Uncle Jiang.”

(Chapter 86, Exiled Rebels translation)

While this is a bit of conjecture, I gather that he was given access to family money as if he was part of the clan, and could just charge Yunmeng Jiang whenever he shopped in Lotus Pier. Which is great so long as Wei Wuxian is accepted in Yunmeng Jiang...but as we see during the Burial Mounds settlement period, the moment that acceptance fades, Wei Wuxian is left out in the cold without a single coin. And because he isn’t a member of the family, it’s a far easier matter for him to be thrown aside, as he was when Jiang Cheng grew angry with him over his decision to protect the Wens.

Of course, Chinese families traditionally did share their wealth, and still do nowadays. Ideally, in a loving family, this is a positive and means they all support each other; but when that isn’t the case, it leaves the victims of abuse vulnerable.

In Wei Wuxian’s case, he has some of the benefits of being a member of the Jiang clan, without ever actually being a member. He can be cast aside at any time, and he is never afforded the same respect by wider cultivation society which an inner clan member would have.

I don’t believe the novel ever directly addresses Wei Wuxian’s acceptance into the guest lectures at Cloud Recesses in this light, but the donghua actually has a very interesting little exchange about it which takes place between Nie Huaisang and a relative of his:

“Wei-xiong is just a disciple from Yunmeng. Why could he come to Gusu to study?”

“Wei-xiong is the son of Jiang-zongzhu’s old friend. He has been treated as their own son.”

“Oh, I see. That explains why they don’t look like master and servant, they seem like brothers.”

(MDZS Donghua, Episode 3, Guodong Subs)

Wei Wuxian was only allowed to attend these lectures, which seem to mainly be for sect heirs and inner clan members, on the grace of being Jiang Fengmian’s ward (and probably to accompany Jiang Cheng). While this exchange is not from the book, we never do see or hear about any of the other students being outer disciples rather than members of the main clan. Here’s what the novel had to say about it:

In that year, aside from the YunmengJiang Sect, there were also the young masters from other clans, sent to study here from parents who heard of the reputation. The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before. It was widely known that, although Wei WuXian’s surname was not Jiang, he was the leading disciple of the sect leader of the YunmengJiang Sect—Jiang FengMian, and also the son of his friend who had passed away. In fact, the sect leader regarded him as his own child. This, along with how youths were not as concerned with status and ancestry as elders, they were soon friends. Only a few sentences passed, and everyone started to call others older brothers or younger brothers.

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

And Wei Wuxian isn’t treated as an equal at school, either; when he and his friends get up to mischief, he’s frequently the only one punished. Nie Huaisang even notes that Lan Qiren seems to be far harder on him than the other students:

Nie HuaiSang spoke, “Why does it seem like old man Lan is especially strict towards you? He always directs his scoldings at you.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

And we see Wei Wuxian being the sole one punished out of a group taken for granted by his friends multiple times:

As a result of cheating notes flying everywhere in the air, Lan WangJi suddenly attacked during the test, and caught a few initiators of the commotion. Lan QiRen exploded with anger, writing letters to the prominent clans to tell on them. He loathed Wei WuXian—in the beginning, although these disciples could hardly sit still, at least nobody started anything, and their buttocks were able to stick to their legs. However, now that Wei Ying came, the originally spineless brats were influenced by his encouragement, venturing out at night and drinking alcohol however they pleased. The unhealthy practices grew greater and greater. As he had expected, Wei Ying was one of the biggest threats to humanity!

Jiang FengMian replied, “Ying has always been like this. Please take care to discipline him, Mr. Lan.”

And so, Wei WuXian was punished again.

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

The boys were all cheating, but Wei Wuxian is the one punished most severely. This happens when he's caught sneaking alcohol, too (though to be fair to Lan Wangji, he probably was only punishing him, and himself alongside him, for being outside after curfew when he threw them off the wall).

Of course, Jiang Cheng didn’t dare to say that Wei WuXian was at fault. Thinking back, it was them who urged Wei WuXian to buy liquor. Each and every one of them should have been punished. He could only speak in a vague way, “It’s fine, it’s fine; it’s not that serious! He can walk. Wei WuXian, why are you still up there?!”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not entirely unreasonable for the one who gets caught to take the punishment (what’s he going to do, rat his friends out?) but their ready acceptance of this does fit into a pattern.

Jiang Cheng’s top was tied at his waist. Hearing his mother’s chastise, he hastily put it over his head. Madam Yu scolded again, “And you boys! Can’t you see that A-Li’s here? Who taught you brats to dress like this in front of a girl!?”

Of course, it was needless to think who led the group. Thus, Madam Yu’s next sentence, as usual, was “Wei Ying! Do you want to die!?”

[...]

He could still feel some pain in his back, so he tossed the paddles to someone else, sat down, and felt the stinging piece of flesh, “How unfair. Nobody else was wearing anything, but why was I the only one who got scolded and beaten up?”

Jiang Cheng, “Because you hurt the eye the most with no clothes on, for sure.”

[...]

Everyone nodded. Wei WuXian, “Thanks for the praise, you guys. I’m even starting to feel some goose bumps.”

The shidi, “You’re welcome, Da-Shixiong. You protect us every single time. You deserve even more!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

While we know that Yu Ziyuan is an abusive person in general, she abuses Wei Wuxian far more harshly than anyone else, even the outer disciples. It’s made clear to us in Lotus Seed Pods that she whips him regularly over minor infractions:

Madam Yu was even angrier, “How dare you run! Come back right now and kneel!” As she spoke, she let loose her whip with a flip of her wrist. Wei WuXian felt a searing pain slash across his back. He loudly exclaimed, “Ow!” And almost tripped on the ground.

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

And that his back is heavily scarred from it:

He felt his back, covered in scars both old and new, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

Rumours about this even made it outside of Lotus Pier; during their visit to the ancestral hall years later, Lan Wangji even states that he heard about some of it:

Lan WangJi had on an expression of understanding, “Kneeling as punishment?”

Wei WuXian mused, “How did you know? That’s right. Madam Yu punished me almost every day.”

Lan WangJi nodded, “I have heard of a few things.”

Wei WuXian, “It’s so famous that even people outside Yunmeng, even you Gusu people know—how could it be ‘a few things’? But, to be honest, in all these years, I’ve never seen a second woman whose temper was as bad as Madam Yu’s. She told me to go to the ancestral hall and kneel no matter how small the matter was. Hahaha…”

(Chapter 87, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian’s lower social standing is definitely a part of why Yu Ziyuan is able to abuse him so terribly and receive little to no censure for it. Everyone at Lotus Pier simply takes it for granted, with the exception of Jiang Yanli who at least does try to deflect her mother when she is angry with Wei Wuxian:

Yet, all of a sudden, someone’s quiet voice drifted by Madam Yu’s ear, “Mom, do you want to eat some watermelon…”

[...]

Jiang YanLi almost cried from her mother’s pinching, mumbling, “Mom, A-Xian and the others were hiding here to relieve the heat and I came here on my own. Don’t blame them… Do… Do you want some watermelon… I don’t know who gave them to us, but it’s really sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer is great for cooling down and quenching thirst. I’ll cut them for you…”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

She both tries to deflect her mother from her anger, and also outright states that Wei Wuxian and the other boys weren’t at fault. Jiang Yanli seems to be the only one at Lotus Pier who ever does this.

After the war, Wei Wuxian attends social events at Jiang Cheng’s side but is never quite treated as an equal, either. See how at the Flower Banquet, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue greet Jiang Cheng but not him:

Suddenly, a voice spoke, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Wei WuXian’s heart jumped. Nie MingJue turned around again. Jiang Cheng came over, dressed in purple, hand on his sword.

And the person standing beside Jiang Cheng was none other than Wei WuXian himself.

He saw himself walk with hands behind his back, wearing all black. A flute in the shade of ink stuck to his waist, hanging down with crimson colored tassels. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Jiang Cheng, he nodded in this direction to show respect. Attitude slightly arrogant, he took on a profound, disdainful appearance. As Wei WuXian saw the stance of his younger self, the root of his teeth even cringed in soreness. He felt that he really was pretentious, and itched to just beat the hell out of himself.

Lan WangJi also saw Wei WuXian, who stood beside Jiang Cheng. The tip of his brows twitched ever so slightly. Soon afterward, his light-colored eyes returned to where they were, still looking forward in that composed way. Jiang Cheng and Nie MingJue nodded at each other with grave faces. Neither had anything unnecessary to say. After a hasty greeting, the two walked their separate ways. Wei WuXian saw his black-clothed self glance around as he finally saw Lan WangJi. He looked as if he was about to speak before Jiang Cheng came over and stood to his side.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

They then proceed to talk about him and his lack of a sword behind his back, never having said a word to Wei Wuxian himself:

Nie MingJue’s gaze turned over again, “Why does Wei Ying not carry his sword?”

Carrying one’s sword was like wearing formal attire. In such gatherings, it was a non-negligible indication of etiquette. Those from prominent sects saw it as especially important. Lan WangJi responded in a lukewarm tone, “He had probably forgotten.”

Ning MingJue raised a brow, “He can even forget something like this?”

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

At Phoenix Mountain it also seems that Wei Wuxian is conditionally a member of the gentry, but not treated like an equal. Sometimes there are these more cheerful interactions:

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

(Chapter 69, Exiled Rebels translation)

But then he will be publicly disparaged and it is readily accepted by others. Jin Zixun first starts an argument with him by criticising Wei Wuxian for fighting Jin Zixuan, then turns the topic to Wei Wuxian’s having taken a third of the prey in the hunt.

Jin ZiXun, “Wei, just what what do you mean by going against ZiXuan so many times?”

[...]

Jin ZiXun sneered, “How is it presumptuous? How is any part of you not presumptuous? Today, in such an important hunt involving all of the sects, you really showed off your abilities, didn’t you? One third of the prey have been taken by you. You sure feel pleased, don’t you?”

[...]

He mocked, “But it’s only natural that you don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s not the first time that Young Master Wei has disregarded the rules. You didn’t wear your sword in both last time’s flower banquet and this time’s hunt. It’s such a grand event, and you care nothing for courtesy. In what regard to you hold us, the people who are present with you?”

[...]

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Chapters 69-70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Naturally, Jin Zixun is able to weasel out of giving an apology, even though Jiang Yanli demands one. And guess who also takes a third of the prey, but this time without any censure?

Jin GuangYao, “In reality, not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well.”

Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Never a Brother

As I’ve already mentioned, Wei Wuxian was never adopted by Jiang Fengmian, or adopted into the clan in general in even a distant way. And this nebulous ‘we’re letting you live with the main family as a charity, but you aren’t really one of us’ attitude also reflects in his relationship with Jiang Yanli.

I’ve already discussed how Wei Wuxian was more like a companion servant to Jiang Cheng than a brother. It’s also worth noting quickly that neither of them ever refers to the other as a brother. Wei Wuxian refers to Jiang Cheng as his shidi a few times, and Jiang Cheng never even refers to him as his shixiong (because Jiang Cheng views him as his servant, not as even a martial brother, I’d argue).

Only one member of the Jiang family ever does use familial terms to refer to Wei Wuxian: his shijie, Jiang Yanli. At Phoenix Mountain, when Wei Wuxian is being insulted by Jin Zixun, Jiang Yanli stands up and defends him, and states clearly that she considers Wei Wuxian a little brother:

The people who gathered around Jin ZiXun had on the same dark faces as he did. Yet, taking into consideration Jiang YanLi’s background, they didn’t dare talk back to her directly.

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

She straightened her back and raised her voice, “I hope that Young Master Jin ZiXun would apologize to Wei WuXian of the YunmengJiang Sect!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

It doesn’t come through in the Exiled Rebels translation, but she actually refers to Wei Wuxian as her didi in this scene, not her shidi. She’s trying to draw a line and state that Wei Wuxian is a part of the family. However, no one takes her seriously, and shortly afterwards we see Jin-furen insisting that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be walking alone together because it would be inappropriate.

Jiang YanLi whispered, “That’s not necessary. I’d like to have a few words with A-Xian. He can walk me back.”

Madam Jin raised her brows, looking Wei WuXian up and down. Her gaze was somewhat cautious, as if she was feeling displeased, “A young man and a young woman—you two can’t stick together all the time if nobody else is present.”

Jiang YanLi, “A-Xian is my younger brother.”

[...]

Wei WuXian lowered his head, “Excuse my absence, Madam Jin.”

He and Jiang YanLi bowed at the same time. As they turned around to leave, Madam Jin grabbed Jiang YanLi’s hand and refused to let her leave.

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan also never treats Wei Wuxian the way one might a brother who is still angered with him over his past dismissive treatment of his sister. For example, see their argument at the Flower Banquet:

Before he could see how Lan WangJi reacted, a series of clamor suddenly came from the other end of the base. Wei WuXian heard his own raging shout, “Jin ZiXuan! Don’t you forget about what things you said and what things you did? What do you mean by this, now?!”

Wei WuXian remembered. So it was this time!

On the other side, Jin ZiXuan also fumed, “I was asking Sect Leader Jiang, not you! The one I was asking about was also Maiden Jiang. How is that related to you?!”

[...]

Jin ZiXuan, “Sect Leader Jiang—this is our sect’s flower banquet, and this is your sect’s person! Are you going to look after him or not?!”

[...]

...Jiang Cheng’s voice came, “Wei WuXian, you can just shut your mouth. Young Master Jin, I’m sorry. My sister is doing quite well. Thank you for your concern. We can talk about this next time.”

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “Next time? There is no next time! Whether or not she’s doing well isn’t any of his business, either! Who does he think he is?”

He turned around and started to leave. Jiang Cheng shouted, “Get back here! Where are you going?”

Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Anywhere is fine! Just don’t let me see that face of his. I never wanted to come, anyway. You can deal with whatever’s here yourself.”

Having been abandoned by Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng’s face immediately clouded over.

[...]

Jiang Cheng stowed away the clouds on his face, “Don’t mind him. Look at how impolite he is. He’s used to such rude behavior at home.”

He then began to converse with Jin ZiXuan.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng also quietly dismisses the notion of Wei Wuxian as a brother in relation to Jiang Yanli; when they visit to show him her wedding dress and she asks for a courtesy name, Jiang Cheng specifically says:

Jiang Cheng, “The courtesy name of my unborn nephew.”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Not our nephew, mine.

Even the disastrous invitation to Jin Ling’s one month celebration is framed as a favour to an old shidi, not a family member:

Jin ZiXun, “Since you’ve heard it from him already, you should know that I can’t wait. Don’t tell me that you’ll disregard your brother’s life for the sake of Sister-in-Law’s shidi?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “You clearly know that I’m not that kind of person! He might not necessarily be the one who cursed you with Hundred Holes either. Why are you so rash? I was the one who invited Wei WuXian to A-Ling’s full-month celebration anyways. If this is the way you do things, where does that leave me? Where does it leave my wife?”

Jin ZiXun raised his voice, “It’s best if he doesn’t attend! What does Wei WuXian think he is—does he deserve to attend our sect’s banquet? Whoever touches him gets nothing but a splash of black! ZiXuan, when you invited him, weren’t you worried that you, Sister-in-Law and A-Ling would receive an irremovable stain for the rest of your lives?!”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear that not only does wider society not consider Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs siblings...they themselves don’t, either. Wei Wuxian, after all, readily accepts that his relationship with them is over after he leaves the sect:

Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, “We won’t see you off. It wouldn’t be good if someone saw us.”

Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn’t easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted. He spoke, “We’ll go first.”

[...]

He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’d get to see the people he was familiar with again.

But… right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Cast Aside

The way cultivation society treats Wei Wuxian when he is not with the Jiangs is also very revealing. Any level of respect he is given is contingent on his position in the Jiang household, and when they aren’t around that minimal respect fades away. Look at how disrespectfully he is treated when he approaches Jin Zixun to ask for Wen Ning’s location.

Wei WuXian didn’t make small talk either, getting straight to the point, “No thanks. I don’t.” He nodded slightly at Jin ZiXun, “Young Master Jin, could I please have a word with you?”

Jin ZiXun, “If you have anything to say, come after our banquet is over.”

In reality, he didn’t want to talk to Wei WuXian at all. Wei WuXian could see this as well, “How long do I have to wait?”

Jin ZiXun, “Probably around six to eight hours. Or maybe ten to twelve. Or until tomorrow.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m afraid I can’t wait for that long.”

Jin ZiXun’s voice was arrogant, “You’ll have to wait even if you can’t.”

Jin GuangYao, “Young Master Wei, what do you need ZiXun for? Is it a pressing matter?”

Wei WuXian, “Pressing indeed. It allows for no delay.”

[...]

Jin ZiXun, “Wei WuXian, what do you mean? You came for him? You aren’t standing up for a Wen-dog, are you?”

Wei WuXian wore a broad grin, “Since when is it your business whether I’d like to stand up for him or cut his head off? Just give him to me!”

At the last sentence, the grin on his face vanished. His tone turned cold as well. It was clear that he had lost his patience. Many of the people within Glamor Hal shivered in fear. Jin ZiXun felt his scalp tingle as well. Yet, his anger soon soared. He shouted, “Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

[...]

Just as he was about to rebut, sitting on the foremost seat, Jin GuangShan spoke up.

His voice seemed kind, “It’s not anything too important anyways. You youngsters, why lose your tempers over such a thing? However, Young Master Wei, let me be fair here. Barging in when the LanlingJin Sect is holding a private banquet is indeed inappropriate.”

To say that Jin GuangShan didn’t mind what happened at Phoenix Mountain would be impossible. This was also why he only smiled when Jin ZiXun bickered with Wei WuXian but didn’t stop them, and only spoke up when Jin ZiXun was at the disadvantage.

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

After a few laughs, he continued, “Sect Leader Jin, let me ask you something else. Do you think that, because the QishanWen Sect is gone, the LanlingJin Sect has all right to replace it?”

All was silent within Glamor Hall.

Wei WuXian added, “Everything has to be given to you? Everyone has to listen to you? Looking at how the LanlingJin Sect does things, I almost thought that it was the QishanWen Sect’s empire all over again.”

[...]

A guest cultivator on his right shouted, “Wei WuXian! Watch your words!”

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

Another guest cultivator stood up, “Of course it’s different. The Wen-dogs did all kinds of evil. To arrive at such an end is only karma for them. We only avenged a tooth for a tooth, letting them taste the fruit that they themselves had sown. What’s wrong with this?”

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

Another person spoke, “Young Master Wei, is it that they don’t have much blood on their hands just because you say so? These are only your one-sided words. Where’s the evidence?”

[...]

Jin GuangShan stood up as well, his face a mixture of shock, anger, fear, and hatred, “Wei WuXian! Just because… Sect Leader Jiang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be so reckless!”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “Do you think that I wouldn’t be reckless if he were here? If I wanted to kill someone, who could stop me, and who would dare stop me?!”

[...]

“Young Master Wei really is too impulsive. How could he speak in such a way in front of so many sects?”

Lan WangJi spoke coldly, “Was he wrong?”

Jin GuangYao paused almost unnoticeably. He immediately laughed, “Haha. Yes, he’s right. But it’s because he’s right that he can’t say it in front of them, correct?”

Lan XiChen seemed as if he was deep in thought, “Young Master Wei’s heart really has changed.”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

The only person at this banquet who speaks to Wei Wuxian respectfully is Jin Guangyao, a consummate manipulator who is also of a lower social status. Everyone else speaks to him dismissively, refusing to respect his request for Wen Ning’s location even though he states that Wen Ning helped him during the war. Wei Wuxian is extremely polite at the beginning of this conversation, and only slowly begins to lose his temper when Jin Zixun speaks rudely and Jin Guangshan decides to bring up the matter of the Yinhufu (Wei Wuxian is right in suspecting him of wanting to replace Qishan Wen, of course, and that it’s very bold of them to think they have the right to a spiritual tool of his just because...they’re rich?).

When the sects meet at Koi Tower to discuss the breakout at Qiongqi Path, no one considers Wei Wuxian as an independent agent who they might actually want to meet and negotiate with themselves. He is a wayward servant of Yunmeng Jiang who the sect leader has failed to keep in hand.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei Ying is your right-hand man. You value him a lot. All of us know this. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to tell whether or not he actually respects you. In any case, I’ve been a sect leader for so many years and I’ve never seen the servant of any sect dare be so arrogant, so proud. Have you heard what they say outside? Things like how during the Sunshot Campaign the victories of the YunmengJiang Sect were all because of Wei WuXian alone—what nonsense!”

[...]

Lan WangJi sat with his back straight, speaking in a tone of absolute tranquility, “I did not hear Wei Ying say this. I did not hear him express the slightest disrespect towards Sect Leader Jiang either.”

[...]

The good thing was that, not long after he felt awkward, Jin GuangYao came to save the day, exclaiming, “Really? That day, Young Master Wei busted into Koi Tower with such force. He said too many things, one more shocking than the next. Perhaps he said a few things that were along those lines. I can’t remember them either.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan followed the transition, “That’s right. Anyhow, his attitude has always been arrogant.”

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei WuXian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

[...]

“In the beginning, Sect Leader Jin asked Wei Ying for the Tiger Seal with nothing but good intentions, worried that he wouldn’t be able to control it and lead to a disaster. He, however, used his own yardstick to measure another’s intents. Did he think that everyone is after his treasure? What a joke. In terms of treasures, is there any sect that doesn’t hold a few treasures?”

“I knew that something would eventually happen if he continued on the ghostly path—look! His killing intents are being revealed already. Killing indiscriminately those from our side just because of a few Wen-dogs…”

[...]

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to Burial Mound and deal with this.”

Jin GuangShan felt satisfied, speaking in a sincere tone, “That’s the spirit. Sect Leader Jiang, there are some things, some people that you shouldn’t put up with.”

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is very reminiscent of the way that Jin Zixuan would often turn around and say, ‘Why aren’t you controlling your servant?’ to Jiang Cheng whenever he had a dispute with Wei Wuxian over his treatment of Jiang Yanli.

When Jiang Cheng goes to the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian defects from Yunmeng Jiang in order to help the sect save face, Jiang Cheng treats this as a personal betrayal. He not only challenges Wei Wuxian to a duel but then announces that Wei Wuxian has betrayed Yunmeng Jiang and declared himself the enemy of cultivation society:

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

“Wei Wuxian has betrayed the sect, and publicly regards all cultivation sects as enemy! Yunmeng Jiang Sect hereby expels him, breaking all ties with him and drawing a clear line between us. Henceforth, no matter what this person does, it will have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang Sect!”

(Modao Zushi Radio Drama, Season 3 Episode 5, Suibian Subs)

Naturally, no one ever questions this or wants to hear Wei Wuxian’s side of the story. Jiang Cheng is a sect leader and Wei Wuxian his servant, and that is all cultivation society needs to know.

In Conclusion

Wei Wuxian was never really part of the Jiang family. The wider social view was that he was a servant who was lucky to be taken in by the family and allowed to live in the main house alongside the sect leader’s children. He’s accepted into cultivation society conditionally, but only as someone who remains a rank below everyone else.

This attitude isn’t just the wider social view which the family themselves disregard; they all play into it. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Cheng both actively enforce it, Jiang Fengmian passively enforces it, and Jiang Yanli tries but fails to break through the social barriers between them.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #modao zushi

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ibijau · 3 years

Text

here we go, last fic of the year! It’s Lan Sizhui/Jin Ling, a/b/o, set in the same universe as Petrichor, but can be read as a stand alone :)

Someday, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi are going to get married.

It is not something that anybody really talks about, and more an accepted fact of life. They have been friends for as long as they can remember, they are both in good position for being sect leader after Lan Xichen, they work well as a team. At fifteen, Lan Sizhui presented as an alpha. Some months later, Lan Jingyi surprised everyone by presenting as an omega, and that settled things. People around them started talking about them as an established couple in spite of their youth, because they’d never have been so close if they were not somehow fated, right?

Neither of them minds. Not really. It’s convenient for everyone after all.

“It’s not like I’m what anyone wants in an omega,” Lan Jingyi points out when, one day, Lan Sizhui asks him if he’s really okay with that. “Aside from you, I’ve never met an alpha I didn’t want to punch in the face after five minutes. Even betas I can barely stand.”

“Hanguang-Jun too?”

“Hanguang-Jun is way above everyone else, beta or alpha or anything,” Lan Jingyi protests. “I guess I could marry him, if he wanted…”

Grimacing at the thought, Lan Sizhui elbows his friend in the ribs, but that only makes him laugh.

“I’d become your new dad,” Lan Jingyi insists with starry eyes. “Would you call me dad, daddy, or father?”

Lan Sizhui rolls his eyes. He should have known that his friend wouldn’t take the conversation seriously. Still, he feels a little better about the situation. Lan Jingyi isn’t without his faults, but he isn’t one to bottle up his emotions. If he really minded that everyone assumes they’re an item, he would have jumped on the chance to say so.

That’s good enough for Lan Sizhui. He doesn’t want romance. He’s seen what he did to his father, to his uncle, leaving one branded by shame and the other broken for years. It just doesn’t feel worth the trouble. What Lan Jingyi and him have isn’t the stuff of great stories, sure, but it’s stable and it's safe. Security is far more important than something as ridiculous as love.

When Lan Sizhui is nineteen, there starts being talk of making their engagement into something formal. Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren ask them to give it serious consideration. They are both orphans, so there is no direct pressure put on them, but Lan Sizhui gets the impression that Lan Qiren at least is particularly in favour of the match. Neither of his nephews has had children, and they're unlikely to ever do, between Lan Wangji's character and Lan Xichen's delicate situation. Lan Sizhui isn't a Lan by blood, but he is well liked by juniors and elders alike. Lan Jingyi doesn't have that diplomacy, but he is a cousin to the Lan jades. If they get together, it would avoid the risk of disputes when the time comes to choose a new sect leader: they can just rule conjointly and leave it at that. Lan Xichen is less insistent than his uncle, and says it's important they choose carefully. It's clear, though, that he doesn't disagree with Lan Qiren's position.

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji doesn’t like this.

He doesn’t say so, because he wants Lan Sizhui to make his own choices in life, and he will support his son through anything as long as it is not endangering his life. Still, he radiates disapproval when Lan Sizhui reports on that conversation with his uncle and great-uncle.

Most people wouldn’t guess, but Lan Wangji is a romantic at heart.

Lan Sizhui isn’t.

Well. He tries hard not to be.

But now that this engagement business is turning into something serious, he’s a little less sure about it.

It is nice, of course, to know exactly what the future holds. There's comfort in that. Lan Sizhui likes knowing what to expect, he likes safety, he likes knowing that tomorrow will be very much like today.

And he loves Lan Jingyi of course. They’ve been friends for years, and they know each other better than anyone else. But it’s not the sort of love that makes them want to kiss and get in bed together. He’s sure of that, because they’ve tried kissing once or twice, to see how that’d feel, and it was just weird. Lan Jingyi's smell, like grass freshly cut and summer warmth, doesn't evoke any strong desire in him. That's a problem because if they get married, they’ll have to make love. And it’s not that Lan Jingyi is ugly or misshapen or anything, but the idea doesn’t sit right. All Lan Sizhui can hope for is that when they’re bonded, once his ruts and Lan Jingyi’s heats coincide, it’ll sort itself out.

(that still leaves the issue of that initial bonding, but if Lan Sizhui doesn’t think about it, then it’s not an issue)

It’s a comfort of sorts when the morning after they talked to Lan Qiren, Lan Jingyi looks as awkward about the situation as Lan Sizhui feels.

“Are we really doing this?” Lan Jingyi whispers to him, even though they’re in class and really shouldn’t be talking at all, least of all about something like that.

“If you want,” Lan Sizhui replies, his voice as low as possible to avoid attracting Lan Qiren’s attention. “We still have time to decide.”

“Yeah, right. I mean, it could be worse, right? We get along fine, we know that already.”

It is a blessing indeed. Most people in their position would just be dumped into an arranged marriage, and consider themselves lucky to not end up with someone they despise.

Still, Lan Sizhui is glad that they don’t have to give an answer right away.

When they meet Jin Ling on Dafan Mountain, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi immediately agree that he is a bit of a spoiled brat.

It’s no surprise of course. The only heir to a sect like Lanling Jin, with also some rights over Yunmeng Jiang? It would have taken the world’s best parents to prevent that boy from being a little rotten, and as everyone knows well, Jin Ling doesn’t have parents.

In truth, Lan Sizhui feels a little sorry for him, not least of all because that boy is related to Jiang Wanyin, and Lan Sizhui pities anyone who must deal with that man on a regular basis. Only a truly awful person could be so disliked by Lan Wangji.

It’s also quickly apparent that Jin Ling is, for lack of a better term, a little awkward. He reacts to Lan Jingyi’s light teasing as if he was being insulted (in fairness, Lan Jingyi sometimes walks a fine line between the two, and he’s a little on edge after that business in Mo village) and takes himself far too seriously. He is also impossibly stubborn, and surprisingly reckless for someone so aware of his own self-importance.

“What a brat that was,” Lan Jingyi complains on the way back to Cloud Recesses. “No need to question what he’ll present as, he’s got alpha written all over his face.”

“No gossiping,” Lan Sizhui reminds him, his eyes darting toward Lan Wangji who, thankfully, pays them no mind. All his attention is on that lunatic he has decided to protect from Jiang Wanyin. “And you can’t go guessing at people’s fate like that. Sect leader Lan doesn’t look like an omega, does he? You just never know until it’s there.”

Lan Jingyi takes a moment to consider that.

“He is spoiled and prissy enough that he could be an omega,” he concedes, as if that’s the point Lan Sizhui was trying to make. “Still, I’m betting on alpha, and a very annoying one at that. I hope we never have to see him again.”

“Sect Leader Jin has no child of his own, so Jin Rulan is his heir. Of course we’re going to see him again.”

The face Lan Jingyi makes at the news is such that Lan Sizhui can’t help laughing a little too loud. Lan Wangji turns to look at him, curious more than scolding. That odd man on the donkey, Mo Xuanyu, also looks at them as if he wants to join in the fun, but dares not because of Lan Wangji keeping a close eye on him.

It’s funny, Lan Sizhui thinks. His father doesn’t usually care much about people. He likes the juniors, especially all the ones whose education he had a part in, but people he meets when they’re already adults, or people close to his age… if at all possible, Lan Wangji just ignores them. Maybe he feels sorry for Mo Xuanyu, who seems to have had a rough life? Or maybe it’s something else. Mo Xuanyu has an eccentric personality, but Lan Sizhui too can’t help feeling a certain sympathy for this very odd omega.

They meet Jin Ling again far sooner than Lan Sizhui would have expected, and if betting weren't forbidden, Lan Jingyi would have won. In the short time since they saw him, Jin Ling has presented as an alpha.

It's no surprise, of course. Although there are exceptions, people born within the main branch of a clan are almost always alphas, at least for the first few children. Aside from sect leader Lan who is an omega and sect leader Nie who is a beta, even within the smallest sects there's hardly any ruler that's not an alpha.

It does make a complicated situation a little worse. Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi and a group of juniors were on a trip to a Night Hunt when they started being led astray by dead cats and mysteries. They then met juniors from other sects, as well as Jin Ling, travelling alone, who immediately tries to be in charge. Lan Sizhui calmly puts an end to that. It's not unusual for a young alpha, especially one still getting used to changes in their body. He can't even control his smell at all, sweet and flowery with a hint of spice which Lan Jingyi complains is making him nauseous.

It's all normal, of course. Lan Sizhui too had a brief phase where he tested everyone's patience. So for Jin Ling who is already hot-headed and proud…

To make it worse, Lan Jingyi won't stop arguing with Jin Ling. They can't go five minutes without getting into a fight of some sort. They snap at each other about the road to take, the inn to stay at, how loud Jin Ling's dog barks, Mo Xuanyu's donkey, whether to warn their respective sects or not… If a disagreement can be had, they will have it.

At first, Lan Sizhui tries to intervene. Someone has to make sure that these two don't throttle each other. He knows that Lan Jingyi is no delicate flower and can take anyone in a fight, but he still has a responsibility as the oldest alpha present, so he gently puts Jin Ling in his place when needed. Surprisingly, Jin Ling usually backs off pretty easily once Lan Sizhui gets involved in a dispute. Lan Sizhui really expected that they would come to blows at least once. That too would be normal, especially since Jin Ling is obviously aching for a chance to prove himself, but it never happens.

After a few days, Lan Sizhui doesn't bother stopping the fights anymore. Jin Ling shouts a lot and plays tough, but he never displays any sign of real aggression towards anyone. If anything he seems to have fun when Lan Jingyi and him argue with each other, and the opposite is just as true.

Maybe that's just how Jin Ling plays, Lan Sizhui figures. He really is a very awkward boy after all. Already back on Dafan Mountain he was so brash and haughty with everyone. He was also alone back then, with only his uncle and other adults around him. Now too, he is the only one who doesn't have anyone from his clan with him. He has his dog, sure, but that's not the same.

"Be nice to him," Lan Sizhui tells Lan Jingyi after yet another dispute, one where he had to intervene for the first time in a while. "I don't think he has a lot of friends."

"You bet he doesn't. He treated Ouyang Zizhen like dirt just because he's a beta! Who'd want to be friends with someone like that? He could be tolerable if he just stopped acting like such a little mistress, but I guess that's too much to ask. Between the two of us, you wouldn't think I'm the omega."

It's a little unkind to both boys, but part of Sizhui almost agrees. Lan Jingyi has never really behaved the way people expect an omega to do, and as for Jin Ling… with his pretty, boyish face, his elegant flowery smell, and the way he always backs off the instant Lan Sizhui gets involved in a fight, he could somewhat feel like an omega.

Except he only behaves like that with Lan Sizhui. With everyone else, he pushes for dominance as much as he can, and he's so stubborn, from a sect so powerful, that even older alphas in their group have started bowing to him.

It's weird, really. Lan Sizhui doesn't know what to make of it.

"He'll never learn to play nice if you don't show him how," Lan Sizhui says after some thought. "Don't think I haven't noticed you're the one starting half those fights. If you don't like him, just stay away. It's wrong to pick fights without reasons."

Lan Jingyi shrugs, which is against the rules because it is insolent.

“He likes it when I bother him,” Lan Jingyi boldly accuses. “Being half raised by someone like Jiang Cheng…”

“Jiang Wanyin.”

“Raised by someone like Jiang Wanyin in a place like Lotus Piers, that little mistress must think shouting at people is how you behave around others. Don’t you remember how his uncle was on Dafan mountain? Scolding him and telling him to succeed at his hunt or die trying, and then coming to save him at the first sign of trouble… no wonder the little mistress is so annoying, he learned from the best.”

That had struck Lan Sizhui as well, mostly because of the risks Jin Ling had been willing to take after being shouted at. As if he really feared that his uncle wouldn’t let him come home again if he couldn’t kill the monster. He can’t imagine being uncertain of his family’s love like that. Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen, and even Lan Qiren would never, ever threaten Lan Sizhui in such a manner, and even if they did he would know better than to take the words literally.

He really feels sorry for that boy.

“Just try to be nicer,” he insists. “Teach by example. He’ll be sect leader someday, we really shouldn’t be antagonising him this way.”

The sect leader argument works. It usually does. Lan Jingyi promises to make an effort.

There’s no argument until early afternoon the next day and in fairness to Lan Jingyi, that does count as progress.

Yi-City is not a fun place, not by far. There’s thick billowing fog, there’s fierce corpses, half their group gets poisoned, Mo Xuanyu tricks them into eating the worst food they’ve ever tasted by calling it a cure… Lan Sizhui isn’t one to complain (it is against the rules) but he comes very, very close a few times.

When it’s over, he tells himself that it’s a great learning experience. Mo Xuanyu is eccentric, but definitely not mad, and he knows far more about fighting evil than anyone Lan Sizhui has ever met, except maybe Lan Wangji. He is a little… brusque with them, pushing around the group of juniors and clearly delighting in scaring them a little if he feels it’s good for their education. But he is kind as well. He’s trying to hide it, but there’s a certain gentleness in the way Mo Xuanyu behaves around Jin Ling that he doesn’t really have with the rest of them.

To Lan Sizhui’s surprise, the reverse is equally true. Jin Ling grumbles and complains and stomps his foot, but he seems to like Mo Xuanyu and tries to help him whenever the chance arises. Seeing these two interact makes something go a little soft in Lan Sizhui’s chest.

It’s nice when family can reconnect.

After everything that happened in Yi City, Lan Wangji allows them a little celebration. They get to burn colourful paper money and to organise a little party of sorts at an inn, without any adult supervision, too. Lan Wangji and Mo Xuanyu have retired for the night, presumably to discuss everything that has happened and decide on their next move. Lan Sizhui half wishes he could be involved in that conversation, but that’s mostly because he knows he’s supposed to want to be serious and grown up. In truth, being down here in the dining room with the others is a lot more fun.

While all the other juniors mingle together, Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui find themselves at a table a little away from the rest, in the company of Ouyang Zizhen and Jin Ling.

“We’re all future Sect Leaders, so it makes sense to sit together, right?” Ouyang Zizhen explains, boldly glossing over the fact that his sect is nowhere near the size of theirs. “And from here, we’ve got a good view of the entire room, so we can make sure that nobody misbehaves.”

“I never realised you were so serious,” Lan Jingyi sneers. “Senior Mo complimented you once, so now you want to be praised by him again?”

“You’re just jealous,” Ouyang Zizhen retorts with a grin. “Who is that man, anyway? He’s not dressed like any sect I know, but for Hanguang-Jun to respect him like this…”

“He’s just some crazy loon,” Lan Jingyi claims. “We met him a while back.”

Then, since Ouyang Zizhen expresses interest, Lan Jingyi starts telling him the whole story of their encounter with Mo Xuanyu. Lan Sizhui, who was there, allows himself to check out from the conversation and eats a little. He is startled when after a few moments, someone drops mushrooms in his bowl.

"Don't like those," Jin Ling huffs. "And you ate yours first."

"They're my favourite," Lan Sizhui admits, a little embarrassed at being caught like that. Being a picky eater and indulging in preferences is frowned upon, but he is only human.

"Can't see why," Jin Ling mutters. "They're slimy and disgusting. Do you want the rest of mine as well?"

It's a testament to how engrossed he is in his conversation with Ouyang Zizhen that Lan Jingyi doesn't pick up on that extremely rude offer. Lan Sizhui almost wants to remark on Jin Ling's manners, but decides against it and just nods. It's obvious the other boy is trying to be nice, and that must be encouraged.

After the mushrooms are unceremoniously dumped in Lan Sizhui's bowl, Jin Ling insistently stares at him while he eats. He looks angry, but Lan Sizhui has figured by now that's just his normal face.

“Earlier… you fought decently,” Jin Ling suddenly says, in a tone that makes it sound like it hurts him to say even that weak of a compliment.

“You did well yourself,” Lan Sizhui replies far more earnestly. Lan Wangji has taught him the importance of encouraging good behaviours rather than to just punish bad ones, and Jin Ling is definitely making an effort here. Besides, he did fight surprisingly well, considering his age. “I hope we can go on more Night Hunts together. Although perhaps next time, let’s go somewhere a little less dangerous, at least until we’re experienced enough.”

Jin Ling's face does something funny, like he's happy and angry at the same time. It's kind of cute, if Lan Sizhui is honest.

"Oh we should all four go Night Hunting together!" Ouyang Zizhen exclaims. "We're friends now, right?"

"That sounds right," Lan Sizhui quickly agrees before Jin Ling has a chance to say something rude. "I know I'd love to spend more time with the two of you. Hopefully next time, we won't be put in mortal danger."

Lan Jingyi laughs at that, but more importantly Jin Ling begrudgingly admits that he too wouldn't be against another inter-sect Night Hunt, even though he looked ready to protest when it was Ouyang Zizhen offering it. It seems he really respects Lan Sizhui's authority as an older alpha though, and that's extremely flattering.

The next time they see each other they are, in fact, in mortal danger again.

It bothers Lan Sizhui less than it should, but only because there's something odd about this cave they're trapped in. Some of the other juniors trapped with them say this is the Burial Mounds, but that's… There's such an air of familiarity to this place, and yet Lan Sizhui knows he's never come here before. Unlike some others in his generation, Lan Wangji has never been one to go on grimly triumphant pilgrimages to those places where the cultivation world rose as one against evil. Lan Sizhui has never seen Yiling, nor even Nightless City.

Still, this cave… it shouldn’t be so bare, nor so silent. There is a wrongness to that silence. Lan Sizhui cannot explain why, but he feels like this place should have more life to it.

He cannot explain either why it seems so right to see Mo Xuanyu… ah, no, Wei wuxian step inside, followed by his Ghost General and Lan Wangji. Something falls in place inside Lan Sizhui’s soul, a certain sensation that things are as they should be. Seeing these three together, in this place… Lan Sizhui half wants to cry, and he can’t explain why.

That unbidden and unexplained surge of emotions must be why he eventually snaps at one of Jin Ling’s cousins. Lan Sizhui feels a little guilty over it, although in fairness, that boy deserves his anger. He insulted Hanguang-Jun, which was unacceptable, and Wei Wuxian which… for some reason was equally unpleasant. And for the entire time they’d been there, Jin Chan had been irritating, somehow unable to say two words without finding a reason to be mean to everyone around him, especially to Jin Ling.

Of course Lan Sizhui lost patience. He doesn’t like when people are cruel to his friends.

That protectiveness becomes a problem a few hours later.

So much has happened in a short span of time, they’ve been rescued, they’ve been attacked, there have been accusations and betrayal, there’s been…

Lan Sizhui feels sick to his bones when the bloodied corpses of dead Wens emerge from a bloody pond to protect Wei Wuxian and Wen Ning, but not in the way he thinks he’s supposed to feel sick. His chest aches looking at those horrifying shapes, and if Lan Jingyi hadn’t stopped him, he would have walked to them because if he could just see their face, if he could take their hands… but he doesn’t get the chance, and they crumble into dust before he can figure out why those dead people felt like they were his, just like Wen Ning and Wei Wuxian do.

Lan Sizhui is still confused when they get down the mountain to climb onto some boats, and exhausted as well. So when Jin Ling starts acting up about Wen Ning, shouting and letting his flowery smell invade the space around him, Lan Sizhui doesn’t react as gracefully as he might have otherwise.

He hates seeing anyone being cruel to Wen Ning who he knows, with the greatest certainty, is a kind soul who only ever means to care for those he loves. Lan Sizhui can’t help wanting to shield him from those who would harm him, because someone has to, and auntie isn’t here to do it anymore.

At the same time, Jin Ling’s pain hurts as well. There’s something unbearable about seeing him break into tears, about the betrayed looks he shoots at Lan Sizhui for daring to side with his father’s murderer.

They’d been getting along so well, they’d made such a great team fighting those fierce corpses earlier, but now it’s all gone. Lan Sizhui wonders if Jin Ling will ever forgive him for standing at the Ghost General’s side, and nearly wants to cry as well when he realises the answer is probably going to be no. He wants to reach out to Jin Ling and explain he doesn’t mean to hurt him, that they can still be friends, that he just can’t let Wen Ning be hurt again.

Before Lan Sizhui can move, Jiang Cheng calls his nephew from another boat, and demands Jin Ling join him. The order is promptly obeyed, Jin Ling turning away without so much as a last look at Lan Sizhui.

Lan Sizhui sits down, and tells himself if his heart and head hurt so bad, it’s only out of exhaustion.

When everything is over, when Jin Guangyao is dead, Lan Sizhui gets to hug the man he once thought of as his father when he was really little, and to see him stand happy at the side of the other man who raised him. Things have been an awful mess, but Lan Sizhui is so happy for both of them.

Nobody deserves happiness more than Lan Wangji, and even though they don’t know each other too well, Lan Sizhui really likes Wei Wuxian a lot.

Leaving those two to explore what the future can bring them, Lan Sizhui instead takes a trip to the past as he decides to accompany Wen Ning.

First of all, they go to the Burial Mounds once again, this time to gather the ashes of their family. Their people, who paid the price of being on the wrong side of a war they didn’t even want. Lan Sizhui still doesn’t really remember much, but he likes hearing Wen Ning telling him stories about them. It makes him feel a little more complete, even though he never particularly felt like anything was missing from his life until that day in Mo manor.

After giving their relatives a proper burial, they head toward Nightless City, or what’s left of it anyway. Here too, Wen Ning has stories to tell, some of which are happier than Lan Sizhui would have expected. It feels wrong to hear that Wen Ruohan wasn’t always a monster, that he was also a man who loved his sons and played with them when they were children. Lan Sizhui was never taught to fear and hate the Yiling Patriarch as much as others of his generation, but he’s heard plenty about the horror committed by Wen Ruohan and struggles to accept that he, too, was only a man after all.

He wonders if that is how Jin Ling feels about Wen Ning.

In fact, Lan Sizhui thinks a lot about Jin Ling as the weeks pass. Whatever judgement he ever felt for the younger alpha regarding his attitude to Wen Ning has melted away now, replaced by deep sympathy. Jin Ling is only fourteen, and Wen Ning did kill his father, so it’s normal that he would feel so angry. Some things cannot be forgiven. And now that Lan Sizhui is a Wen too, he figures that there’s no friendship possible between them, not after how much sorry his family has caused Jin Ling’s.

For some reason, Lan Sizhui realises he is truly upset about this. He had really been looking forward to knowing Jin Ling better, because while Lan Jingyi is an amazing friend, he’s still not an alpha, and there are things he doesn’t understand. Lan Jingyi now has Ouyang Zizhen to chat with, who as a beta is in a good position to lend an ear, but Lan Sizhui doesn’t really have any close alphas in his life.

He really wanted to be close to Jin Ling.

It won’t happen now.

It’s fine.

At least now, he has a family.

Wen Ning and Lan Sizhui have just finished a Night Hunt far into what was once Wen territory when news from the Cloud Recesses reach them. They learn that Lan Xichen, a little while after the events that unfolded in Yunping City, entered seclusion. They learn also that Lan Wangji has married Wei Wuxian, who is rumoured to be with child. Without even needing to talk about it, they immediately start heading back toward Gusu. Lan Sizhui has always thought it would be nice to have a sibling, and now that wish is about to be granted.

By the time they get to the Cloud Recesses, Wei Wuxian is very, very round and very, very upset that he’s being restricted left and right. He’s not allowed a number of his favourite foods, he’s not allowed to experiment with talismans, or to run around, or even to read for too long.

“It is the worst,” Wei Wuxian whines from his bed, surrounded by pillows, nibbling on some snacks that Lan Wangji brought him when he served tea for all of them. “I have never suffered so much in my life. Sizhui, if you marry an omega, you’re forbidden from knocking them up, it is just too awful.”

Lan Sizhui almost snorts in his tea. He glances at Lan Wangji who is watching Wei Wuxian with open adoration, at least for who knows how to read his expressions.

It makes his heart ache that he will probably never know that sort of love. After all, he’s still half engaged to Lan Jingyi as far as he knows. And aside from his best friend, who’d want to marry him? He isn’t sure if he’s still allowed to be part of Gusu Lan. He isn’t sure he still wants to be part of it, now that he knows the truth… and it’s always a little hard for an alpha without resources to marry. Jingyi would, of course, because he’s loyal like that, but Lan Sizhui feels he should insist on dropping whatever understanding existed between them. It would be kinder.

Luckily, when Lan Jingyi comes to see him that evening, he is of a similar opinion.

As the two of them walk toward the rabbits’ clearing to feed them and chat alone, Lan Jingyi starts explaining, very awkwardly, that he won’t be able to marry Lan Sizhui after all.

“It’s Zizhen, you see,” he mumbles when they reach the clearing, his entire face red. “We’ve gone on a few Night Hunts after you left, and we get along really well, and… well, Lan Qiren isn’t too happy about it because he was still hoping on me being Zewu-Jun’s heir rather than Hanguang-Jun’s child, but of course Zizhen is going to inherit his father’s sect someday, it’s so messy when two sect leaders are married! He was still trying to push for that, but then that thing with sect leader Nie and Zewu-Jun happened, and Lan Qiren is seeing what a mess that is, so he’s warming up to the idea of me marrying into Baling Ouyang.”

Kneeling down to hand some cabbage to a particularly bold rabbit, Lan Sizhui shoots his friend a curious look.

“What about Zewu-Jun and sect leader Nie?”

“Oh, right, you wouldn’t have heard!” Lan Jingyi exclaims, startling the poor rabbit and making it run. He sits down next to Lan Sizhui, and grins. “Listen, gossip’s forbidden and all that, but… you’ve heard that Zewu-Jun was marked in his youth, and nobody knows who the alpha is, right? Well, listen to that!”

That, it turns out, is a convoluted tale of romance, deception, and betrayal that spanned over a decade and recently culminated into the recent engagement of Lan Xichen to Nie Huaisang, much to the bafflement of the entire cultivation world.

Lan Sizhui is happy for his uncle, of course. He’s always tried to ignore gossip, but it’s never been possible to avoid all of it, and even within the Cloud Recesses there have always been those who judged their sect leader for that youthful mistake. It’s a little odd to think that the great Zewu-Jun would settle for the Headshaker, but Lan Jingyi swears that Lan Xichen looks more at peace than he had in many years, and so does Lan Sizhui himself when he gets to see his uncle a few days later.

Lan Sizhui is happy, sharing the joy of all these people he loves and who are finding the happiness they want. Even Lan Qiren is probably less angry than he pretends to be. He loves his nephews after all, and he’s always wanted their happiness.

Lan Sizhui is happy, and tries not to feel left out, tries not to resent the fact that while everyone has found happiness in the past year, all he’s gotten is people to mourn, and a fear that he could be killed if anyone found out who he really is.

“I guess we’re going to have a lot of weddings coming,” Lan Sizhui notes, swallowing whatever bitterness he isn’t allowed to feel, choosing instead to grab one of the rabbits and pet it. “I wonder who’s next… do you know if Jin Ling has met any nice omega?”

The idea, for some reasons, makes his heart clench so tight that it nearly makes him sick. Only because then, he’d really be the only one left out, Lan Sizhui figures.

It’s a relief when Lan Jingyi laughs and shakes his head.

“That little mistress? No omega could put up with him!” he mocks. “He is so annoying and stuck up and… but at least, he’s been nice about me and Zizhen. Supportive even! He said if Zizhen’s dad and old man Lan Qiren keep being old farts about this, we can run off to Carp Tower, he’ll take us into Lanling Jin and let us marry. Not that I’d ever want to be a Jin,” Lan Jingyi sniffs disdainfully, “but I appreciate the intention I guess.”

Lan Sizhui lowers his head to hide a smile. Jin Ling isn’t without faults, but at heart he really is a good person, and a good alpha. It really is a shame that there is so much history between their families, because Lan Sizhui really would have liked to…

“He’s been asking about you a lot, you know,” Lan Jingyi remarks, which startles Lan Sizhui.

“Who has?”

“The little mistress of course. We’ve been on a couple Night Hunts with him, and every time he’s asking where you’ve gone, and when you’ll be back, and why you left without saying anything… He really won’t shut up about you. You should write to him and let him know you’re fine, just so he’ll stop pestering me.”

Lan Sizhui’s hand stills in the rabbit's fur, his heart racing in his chest, his face heating up. He can’t figure out why Jin Ling would miss him, they didn’t really get the chance to get close after all, but the idea is… pleasant. Lan Sizhui himself has certainly thought a lot about Jin Ling while he was travelling with Wen Ning. Mostly to mourn this friendship that never had a chance to bloom, but also just because sometimes they passed by a pretty landscape that he wishes he could have shown to the other alpha, or they fought a creature against which Jin Ling’s skill with a bow would have helped, or they passed by some fragrant peonies in bloom, or just because it would have been funny to hear him complain about this and that.

Lan Sizhui wants, very badly, to write to Jin Ling, to see him even. He knows, also, that it would be a bad idea.

If he tells Jin Ling about who he is, and his link to Wen Ning, then he is endangering himself, and risking the good reputation of Lan Wangji who saved him and hid him for years. If he doesn’t tell Jin Ling anything, then it’s a form of deception, since he knows the other alpha would never want his friendship if he knew the truth.

It’s safer, then, to simply stay away.

Still, Lan Sizhui enjoys being missed, more than he probably should.

Lan Sizhui never realised how sad his uncle was, until he went into his room in a Qinghe inn alongside Lan Wangji to help him get ready on the morning of his wedding. It is no secret that the road has been somewhat bumpy for Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang, that even to this day they have their disagreements, but it is just as clear that Lan Xichen is the happiest he's ever been, on that warm morning of late summer.

Lan Sizhui wonders what it feels like to marry, and for love, too, not just for politics.

For some reason, his mind immediately wanders to Jin Ling. He's still young of course, and his position is too fragile, but someday he'll marry someone, a pretty little omega from a good family. And then, Lan Sizhui will be the only one of their little group to remain single, since Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen have finally obtained the engagement they wanted. They're hoping to marry next spring, if all goes well.

There's no shame in being single, of course, especially for an alpha, but the more Lan Sizhui realises he's unlikely to marry, the sadder he gets. It would be nice to Night Hunt with another person, to find his equal, his perfect match like his fathers did. Someone strong and determined but still kind, someone like…

"I wish I didn't have to bother with that veil," Lan Xichen sighs, eyeing the fabric that Lan Sizhui is holding in clenched fists. "It's ridiculous. He knows what I look like."

"It is traditional," Lan Wangji retorts.

"Did you make Wei Wuxian wear one then?"

Lan Wangji smirks, ever so slightly. "Eloping has advantages."

Lan Xichen freezes, blinking a few times. Like almost all of them, he is still a little upset that his brother married in secret. Still, soon enough he is laughing, and turns to look at Lan Sizhui.

"Some example we are giving you," Lan Xichen remarks, taking the veil from his nephew. "I hope you will be more serious than us when your time comes."

"But father and uncle are very happy," Lan Sizhui notes, allowing himself a moment of insolence on this joyous day. "Surely it gives the impression that breaking rules and ignoring traditions is rather rewarding."

Lan Xichen laughs again as he pins the veil in place, and even Lan Wangji can't help a slight huff, his eyes smiling proudly at his son.

"I suppose we make bad cases for obedience," Lan Xichen admits. "Not all rules are worth following. And you are a clever young man, so I'm sure the path you'll choose will be a righteous one, and that you'll find a partner worthy of you."

Lan Sizhui nods. His thoughts, again, go to Jin Ling. Hopefully he too will find a good person. After so much tragedy in his life, he deserves to have someone in his life who will stick with him and be loyal and honest. That’s the very least Jin Ling deserves.

His veil in place but not yet lowered, Lan Xichen stands, smoothing non-existent creases in his robes, making sure that everything is perfect. He looks nervous, as any spouse-to-be can be expected to be.

Mostly though, he looks happy, and there is no hesitation in his steps when he heads out of the room to go meet his groom.

Nie Huaisang is a lucky man who’d better not mess this up.

The banquet offered by Qinghe Nie to the wedding’s guests is nothing short of magnificent. Whatever faults he has, Nie Huaisang is a good host, who knows how to please people. There are many dishes, fit for every taste, and over half of those are suitable for vegetarians. Lan Sizhui, however, finds himself without much appetite on this happy day.

He really is never going to be Lan sect leader now. Not when he knows who he truly is, not when his father has a daughter of his own blood who is probably only the first of many, not when his uncle too might now have children. It’s a relief, because Lan Sizhui isn’t sure he ever wanted that responsibility in the first place, no more than he would have wanted to marry Lan Jingyi, if he’s honest. But it drives home once more the fact that he doesn’t know what the future holds for him anymore, and that is a little scary.

Without meaning to, Lan Sizhui’s eyes start to wander toward the Jin guests, and rest on their young sect leader. It is the first time Lan Sizhui sees him in over a year, since that day in Yunping City. He looks taller, and a good deal less like a child, but that’s no surprise with everything that has changed for him. Jin Ling seems to be growing into a serious young man. A handsome one as well, but that’s hardly a surprise, the Jins usually have their good looks going for them, even if their personalities can be lacking… though Jin Ling has both a good face and a good heart, of course.

Lan Sizhui must have stared too long, because after a while, Jin Ling notices, looks in his direction, and smiles. It makes Lan Sizhui’s heart beat a little faster, until he remembers that there can be no friendship between them, not unless he lies.

In this too his life has changed.

His mood taking a sour turn, Lan Sizhui excuses himself to Lan Jingyi, leaves his seat abruptly, and goes for a walk. Hopefully, the Nies won't mind too much that he is wandering a bit. If anyone asks, he'll say he is looking for the garden his uncle mentioned after some of his visits.

No one asks.

Lan Sizhui might as well be a ghost.

He feels a bit like one, tied to a past tragedy that now defines him. The lone survivor of a sect that should be extinct, forced to decide if he should follow the teaching of the family that raised him, or try to find again those of a family he cannot remember. Either way, it would feel like betraying someone.

Just as Lan Sizhui finally finds that garden, he hears footsteps running after him. Before he even turns to look, he knows by the flowery smell that reaches him who decided to follow him.

“Lan Sizhui!” Jin Ling shouts as he gets closer. “Are you avoiding me?”

Lan Sizhui winces, unsure how to answer that without insulting or lying. He has been avoiding Jin Ling, but it would be unwise to admit it.

“It’s been ages!” Jin Ling insists, unbothered by the lack of reply. “And I know you know that you’re invited to come to Carp Tower whenever you like, because I told Jingyi to tell you, and he said that he told you!”

Lan Sizhui can’t fully repress a small smile. Lan Jingyi has, indeed, passed that invitation on to him. Lan Sizhui has assumed he was invited only out of politeness, to avoid offending another alpha due to the friendship Jin Ling has developed with the omega Lan Sizhui was once half expected to marry. It can’t have been anything more. Like Jin Ling says, it’s been a long time since they met.

“I am very sorry,” Lan Sizhui says, which is nothing but the truth. “I have been busy.”

He hesitates to say more than that. Considering Jin Ling’s distaste for Wen Ning, it is probably better not to mention him. It is a happy day, Lan Sizhui doesn’t want to ruin it.

Jin Ling, unimpressed, shrugs and steps closer. It is hard to ignore that he’s taller than Lan Sizhui now, his shoulders broader. Jin Ling is everything that an alpha ought to be, and Lan Sizhui almost envies whoever will get to be his omega.

“I know you’ve been busy,” Jin Ling retorts, crossing his arms on his chest, looking a little like the haughty boy he was when they first met. “Travelling places with the Ghost General and all that… but you’ve been back to Gusu for a few months, would it have been so hard to come say hi?”

“That’s…”

“You can even take Wen Ning with you if you want, I don’t care,” Jin Ling adds, rolling his eyes as if he can’t believe he has to spell it out. “I don’t hate him as much as I used to, and Lan Jingyi says he’s actually good company. Plus he’s related to you, isn’t he? So of course I want to learn to tolerate him better.”

Lan Sizhui gasps softly, his blood turning to ice at the thought that anyone might have guessed already. Of course he knew that people would talk after hearing that he travelled with Wen Ning, but somehow he’d hoped that nobody would realise why he was doing that, not yet, not so soon.

Jin Ling, again, rolls his eyes.

“Right, it’s supposed to be a secret I guess?” he snorts. “Well, I’m not a complete idiot, thanks. I can see that you look a bit like him, and my uncle told me more about when Wei Wuxian was living in the Burial Mounds, since I asked. He says there was a child there, and then I just had to do some math and… well, I’m right, aren’t I?”

“You’re right,” Lan Sizhui confirms, terrified and elated at once that he doesn’t need to keep that secret from Jin Ling. “You seem to be taking this rather well.”

Jin Ling shrugs, a touch of red colouring his cheeks.

“I’ve had time to get used to the idea,” he grumbles. “I was pretty pissed off at first when I realised, but then I figured it doesn’t change things that much. You’re still you, and I still want to be close to you, the rest doesn’t matter.”

Hearing this, Lan Sizhui’s face heats up.

“I’d like that as well,” he admits with a shy smile. “I thought you wouldn’t want for us to be friends if you knew, so this is a relief.”

“Of course I’d want to be friends anyway!” Jin Ling exclaims. “I don’t care if you’re a Wen, or a Lan, or whatever! You’re Sizhui, and I want us to be close, I don’t care about the rest!”

Lan Sizhui’s blush deepens, and he looks away, trying to contain a nervous laughter.

“Jin Ling, I’d have thought being a sect leader would have taught you to be more careful about what you say,” he teases. “You’re lucky we’re both alphas, or else your words might be misunderstood as something else.”

Jin Ling’s entire face turns so red the cinnabar dot on his forehead nearly disappears. It’s… it’s cute. It’s really cute, and Lan Sizhui knows he shouldn’t think of another alpha as being adorable, but he can’t help it.

“There’s nothing to misunderstand!” Jin Ling blurts out, fists clenched on either side of his body.

“Of course,” Lan Sizhui sighs, a little too amused that Jin Ling is still the same, even if he’s grown up. “I was just…”

“There’s nothing to misunderstand because that’s exactly the way I mean it!” Jin Ling cuts him, grabbing one of his hands and squeezing it just a little too tight. “I like you a lot, Lan Sizhui! And I don’t care that you’re a Wen, or that you’re an alpha, I still like you like that, so deal with it!”

Lan Sizhui gapes at the other alpha, stunned by those words he would never have expected.

If it were anyone else, he’d think of a joke. Or else, he’d think that this is just a younger alpha who admires an older one a little too much, as can happen. It’s not unheard of just after presenting, and it usually goes away quickly. In fact, if Jin Ling had said this back in Yi City, Lan Sizhui would have dismissed it as just a passing crush. But they haven’t seen each other in so long that Jin Ling should have grown out of that phase already. Beside, he looks and sounds dreadfully sure of himself.

And Lan Sizhui, who has never really given much thought to those few omega who tried to flirt with him, finds his heart racing in his chest at the idea that Jin Ling might like him.

“Jin Ling, that’s…”

“Don’t say anything!” Jin Ling orders, squeezing his hand harder. “You don’t get to say anything until you’ve really thought about it, and then you’ll have to come visit me in Carp Tower if you want to talk about it! But I mean this, so don’t treat me as a kid, and give it real thought. I’m serious about this, and if you don’t like me back yet, then I’ll just have to convince you!”

There won’t be much convincing needed, Lan Sizhui suspects, his eyes falling to their joined hands. He’s never thought of Jin Ling in that light before, but only because his whole life used to be so neatly mapped out for him.

Suddenly, that sense of uncertainty he’s been feeling since he understood where he comes from isn’t so scary anymore. The Lan Sizhui of before, half engaged to his best friend, half expected to become sect leader, could never have allowed himself to even think about Jin Ling in that light. The person he is now can, and he certainly will.

He’s already been thinking about Jin Ling more than he should, anyway.

“I’ll come to Carp Tower soon,” Lan Sizhui promises, carefully moving his hand to thread their fingers together.

He likes the hopeful way Jin Ling stares at him, his tone and gesture already betraying what his answer will be.

Lan Sizhui grins.

The future, once more, feels like something to look forward to.

#lingzhui #zhuiling #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #mdzs #jau writes #does the world need more lan sizhui angst regarding his complicated familial situation? not really but have it anyway :)

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

Note

Lotus Pier was always loyal, aware in the way that objects only are after hundreds of years, and she expected to disappear after she was destroyed. Instead she wakes up, rebuilt in both place and spirit, stronger than ever, at the hands of a grieving Jiang Cheng.

The Lotus Pier always loved the bright spirits of the world, the free and unrestrained; she held them cupped in her hand like birds, ready to fly away, to go where their whim takes them, to return because they loved her. Her cultivators reflected that, shining bright, standing against the world and attempting the impossible.

But they were only humans, their lives short and too easily cut shorter; when the invading armies came to the Pier, she tried her best to help her people – help them fight, help them flee – but the enemy was already invited inside her gates.

There was nothing she could do.

Her walls were thrown open, her treasures taken, her children killed – her very core, layer upon layer of arrays painted by all the Jiang sect disciples through all the years, violated.

The Wens sought to make her their own, in their blunt, stupid, grasping way. They didn’t know what she was, of course. No one knew. Only the Sect Leader – each one learning about her from their predecessor at the moment of their accession, the secret as well as a set of vows, an oath of mutual loyalty, and those who refused the oath were killed at the very moment of their supposed triumph.

Her children were good to her. In return, she was good to them.

When the Wens tried to seize control of her, to make her nothing more than a fortress, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to disappear – to die, destroyed in both body and soul, rather than allow herself to be used by those who killed her children.

She did not expect that anyone would be able to reawaken her.

Who could? It was impossible. Only the Sect Leader knew her secrets – and he was dead, dead long before he could pass along his knowledge to his heir, and of course it wasn’t written down anywhere.

Awakening, therefore, came as a surprise.

It was even more of a surprise to realize that she was still herself, still the Lotus Pier of old; she had half-expected the Wen sect to have cracked open her arrays and found a way to make her obedient.

But no.

It was not the Wens.

It was a single man, little more than a half-grown boy, kneeling in the center of an array painted in his own heart’s blood, his chest still wet as the bandages slowly soaked through.

He was wearing her purple, embroidered with her lotuses.

“My name is Jiang Cheng,” he said, and her heart thrilled: of course he was a Jiang. Only her children would be brave enough to attempt something as insane as this. “Great Spirit, I come to you as a supplicant. I need your power to help me protect my home.”

He did not know who she was.

It amused her not to tell him – meaning only to hide it for a little, only at first, of course. He was a Jiang, and Sect Leader; they were bound together, the two of them, like the Nies and their sabers.

It was fun at first.

Jiang Cheng was rebuilding her body, each plank and each joint fitting together, the wood from the best of trees, the arrays hidden within the walls. He spoke to her about it, sometimes – it took him a while to get used to her dwelling inside of him, her presence at the back of his head, but in time he got used to it.

It didn’t seem as if he had anyone else to talk to.

He loved her, dearly. She could see it in the way his hands were soft over her, the way he worried over small details, the way he insisted everything had to be perfect.

He did not think she loved him.

She didn’t find that out until some time in: he was proud, her little Jiang, full of pride, but his shoulders were weighed down with grief and responsibility. He was not spontaneous, preferring rules that he could understand and implement – he had been a disappointment to someone once, and it had sunk into his bones. With a rule he could do the right thing and hope to please; without, he was on his own, and he had no faith in himself. He knew himself to be no genius, knew that all he had to offer was his hard work – and oh, he worked so hard. He tried, so hard.

And he thought that it meant nothing.

“Wei Wuxian knew the motto better than me,” he said once. “The impossible was easy for him, a snap of his fingers…impulsive, reckless, free. A proper Jiang. He always said he had a mother and a father, that all the rumors about my father being his were false, but how would he know? Was he there when he was conceived? Or maybe it’s just easy enough to understand, so easy that someone else’s son can do it, and only I fail to even grasp it.”

The Lotus Pier did not pay much attention to the bright sparks that drifted above her, certainly didn’t know them by name; she did not know who Wei Wuxian was. Still, her heart hurt to hear her Jiang speak about himself like that.

You did the impossible, she reminded him. You survived. You revived. You returned. You summoned me.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I only did it because I’m the only one left. Anyone else would have done a better job than me, but there was only ever me.”

She argued with him, confused as to how the Jiang sect motto had been so perverted – it didn’t matter if he was stiff and stern, if he liked rules, if he liked winning, if he was grumpy and rude and prone to yelling, expressing affection through his scolding rather than warmth; it didn’t matter if his first thought each morning was of his obligations and what he needed to do, rather than what he wanted, that he put his sect first in his heart over all other matters; it didn’t matter that he needed to think about what was right and what was wrong rather than simply knowing immediately in his heart what he should do.

That was who he was, the boy he was born and the man he’d become. That was fine.

All she’d ever cared about was that they be resolute and determined, brave enough to do what must be done without flinching.

Her little Jiang Cheng – he did the impossible every day, all alone, and he never once realized it.

Eventually, she told him who she was.

He did not take it especially well. But then, she’d expected that – he was most sensitive to matters of deception, tender in only the way a boy who had been a little too trusting could be. She regretted that she’d hurt him, that she hadn’t realized that he wouldn’t enjoy her teasing the way some of his ancestors did – but in the end he had bound himself to her, body and soul, so it wasn’t as though all his storming around could really have an impact.

He did leave, for a while. When he came back, he had a small child asleep in his arms and a beatific expression of sheer joy.

“My sister’s child,” he explained, having apparently completely forgotten how she’d hurt him. He’d remember later, of course, in the dark of the night when he counted all his grievances, but right now he needed to tell someone and she was, very sadly, the only person he knew. “Jin Ling. When he’s older, I’ll introduce him to you.”

She reminded him that her presence was usually a secret kept to the Sect Leader.

“What good does that do? If I get killed, won’t you just disappear again? Besides, he deserves to meet you. He deserves everything I can give him, and more.”

It turned out the sister was dead, too. Dead, like his parents, like Wei Wuxian – he’d had an old grandmother who’d come to help for a while, but she hadn’t long survived burying her black-haired daughter.

He only had the child – and her.

Time passed quickly enough, and the Lotus Pier flourished under Jiang Cheng’s control. He indulged her just as he indulged his nephew, building her more bridges, more buildings, another pier or two; she was pleased by it, spoiled by it.

Used to it.

And then something came and nearly destroyed it all. Someone.

She wasn’t aware all the time, spending much of her time simply being the Pier, and so she only saw a small part of it – Jiang Cheng screaming (not new), sobbing (not especially new), and then running around like a maniac, begging for people to try to draw a sword from its sheath (new and a little disturbing).

He retreated to the room that held her core and collapsed on the array.

“It’s not mine,” he said, his face covered. “It’s all been him. Everything I’ve done – all his. Same as always. I’m always second to him –”

He said more than that, too. Not very intelligently, or coherently, but in time the story came out.

He gave you nothing but power. You did the rest. You were the one who build me back up from nothing, alone; not him, you. He left. You stayed.

“Just wait,” he said. “Just wait. He’ll come back, one day, and then you’ll see – he’s just like what you like best. Better than me. Everyone likes him better. Even Jin Ling – you’ll see.”

The Lotus Pier did not keep people by force: she let her birds fly free, following their hearts. She did not consider herself abandoned when people left, no matter how good or bad the reason. And yet…

“He loves him,” Jin Ling told her, curled up in his room. “Uncle loves Senior Wei so much. He gave up everything for him. Did he tell you?”

I live in his mind. I know.

“I don’t know why he won’t make up with him!”

Wei Wuxian followed his heart. Jiang Cheng followed his. Their paths conflicted; their hearts broke. Who is to say the path chosen by one, trying his best, is better than the other’s attempt to do the same?

“But they’ll both be happier if they make up. Senior Wei is – I don’t know. I like him. It’d make Uncle happy to have him back. Even if only sometimes, if only for a little. I wish there was something I could do!”

Your uncle is competitive. Remind him that you love him best. It will help calm him.

It wasn’t clear to her what exactly Jin Ling did – it wasn’t at the Pier – but somehow Wei Wuxian came to visit, his husband in tow, a wary but hopeful expression on his face. They had dinner together, all of them. It was awkward and awful, Jiang Cheng alternating between snapping and biting his tongue, Wei Wuxian making light of things he shouldn’t and dismissing past pain, Lan Wangji looking as though he would rather be dead and Jin Ling with his head in his hands more often than not.

Bring him to see me.

“Absolutely not!” Jiang Cheng blurted out.

Wei Wuxian, who had been in the middle of complaining about eating nothing but vegetables at family feasts, stared.

“He wasn’t talking to you,” Jin Ling clarified, but that didn’t help; if anything, Wei Wuxian looked even more concerned.

He won’t understand. Bring him to me.

Jiang Cheng swallowed, his fingers clenching in fear; she has told him time and time again that she would never abandon him, couldn’t, but he still didn’t believe her.

Still – he loved her. He loved her best.

He stood up.

“Come with me,” he said.

“Where?” Lan Wangji asked, suspicious.

“The ancestral hall.”

“I thought you said I wasn’t allowed there,” Wei Wuxian said with a nervous laugh.

“I need to show you something,” Jiang Cheng said. “Just you. There’s – someone I want you to meet.”

#mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jin ling #my fic #my fics #dunno why but there's a lot of jiang cheng today #all the prompts together at once #Anonymous

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watch-grok-brainrot · 3 years

Note

For the character and letter prompts: how about D. Subtle kindnesses, with the yunmeng trio?

Here you go! Sorry it took me so long! I got overwhelmed making gifs and then doing some other stuff. I really enjoyed this prompt. It wouldn’t have been something I explored on my own. I don’t know if the kindnesses were all SUBTLE, but this is what came out of it.

Assumptions: 1) WWX and JC are on speaking terms. 2) Post canon. 3) CQL JC who is softer and kinder than MDZS JC. 4) WWX lives in CR and doesn’t really go to Lotus Pier much. 5) WWX and LWJ are married.

Thanks again for being patient! <3

Visit Often in the Future

Word count: ~1540

Characters: Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, Lan Wangji (brief appearance), Lil Apple

Rated G

Warnings: Not much really... canonically dead characters.

-------------

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come along?” Lan Wangji asked his husband as Wei Wuxian packed a qiankun pouch.

“I’ll be fine. You need to preside over Qingming events in your family. And I owe it to Jiang Cheng to show my face in Lotus Pier.”

“If he lays one fin-” Lan Wangji began, but Wei Wuxian shushed him with a finger.

“He won’t. He’s always more angry and louder than he actually means. I need to go see Shijie and let her know everything that’s happened and show her that Jiang Cheng and I will be ok.”

“Fine. You know I cannot deny you anything.”

“You’re so good to me Lan-er-gege. When I come back I’ll thank you properly,” Wei Wuxian said as he bid his husband goodbye with a kiss and went to fetch Lil Apple for this trip to Yunmeng.

~~~

The familiarity of Yunmeng never failed to surprise Wei Wuxian. After nearly two decades and across two lifetimes, the place seemed unchanged: the same smells of food and rain, mostly similar shops and stalls, and even many familiar people.

He guided Lil Apple through the crowds, stopping to look at trinkets in stalls. He picked out something Jiang Cheng and Shijie would like from their childhood. For Jiang Cheng, he got a little glass dog, clear bodied with purple floppy ears -- he blamed his residual guilt from when Uncle Jiang got rid of Jiang Cheng’s pets when he was first taken in. He then purchased a simple sandalwood hair stick with one end intricately carved into a blooming lotus flower for Shijie. Her style had always been elegant but not ostentatious. Maybe he could burn it as an offering to Shijie this year. Maybe the peacock would enjoy seeing her wear it in the afterlife.

Wei Wuxian settled Lil Apple in the stables and went to watch Jiang Sect sword practice. Before he even got close to the Sword Testing Hall and main courtyard, he could hear Jiang Cheng barking out instructions.

“Lift up your arm! Squat lower for a better horse stance! How can you call your base stable with that form?!”

Wei Wuxian smiled and lept onto a banister, perching and watching.

Jiang Cheng seemed to have matured in the last two years since their altercation in the Jiang Sect ancestral hall. He held himself with less tension and his instructions were more precise. Instead of hitting the disciples as Wei Wuxian remembered him doing in the past, Jiang Cheng guided their arms and adjusted their legs in place. He could see some of Uncle Jiang’s kindness in the current sect leader.

Wei Wuxian reached into his qiankun pouch and held the dog in his hand, rubbing his thumb over the coarse ears and smooth body. The little figure really seemed appropriate for Jiang Cheng -- hard as rock, cute (at least for such a wretched creature), and full of various textures.

“Jiang Cheng! Mind if I join in?” Wei Wuxian called from where he perched.

“Wei Wuxian! I didn’t think you’d show your face! Do you even remember any of our forms? Can your weak body handle it?”

“Well, we won’t know until we try!” Wei Wuxian hopped down from his perch and set his stuff onto the ground. He grabbed a practice sword and joined the students in their forms.

“Let’s see if the former head disciple remembers Jiang Sect teachings,” Jiang Cheng huffed as he continued drilling his sect.

Wei Wuxian felt himself falling into the familiar pacing and movements of the Jiang Sect sword forms. Each thrust, jab, and extension of his arms brought him a sense of ease. He quietly thanked himself for picking up cultivation shortly after the Guanyin Temple events. It took him a few months to get accustomed to Mo Xuanyu’s body proportions but afterwards the movements and his qi started flowing in unison -- something he had not felt since the fall of Lotus Pier years ago.

By the time sword practice finished, Jiang Cheng approached his former shixiong. “I see you picked up cultivation again.”

“Yup! Since i have a new body, I figured I might as well see if I can make use of it.”

Jiang Cheng hesitated before clenching his jaw and asking, ”Do you want to spar with me?” He paused and then added, “Wooden swords. No spiritual energy.”

Wei Wuxian’s eyes lit up, “Just like old times. I”ll do my best to kick your ass! Loser buys lunch!”

Much to Jiang Cheng’s chagrin, he was forced to buy Wei Wuxian lunch. But he did get a cute purple glass dog as thanks. Why Wei Wuxian even had a dog figurine was beyond Jiang Cheng’s comprehension.

~~~

The next day sword practice was canceled for Qingming preparations.

“Wei Wuxian! How dare you think you can visit Lotus Pier for Qingming without helping out?” Jiang Cheng’s voice bellowed across Lotus Pier, trying to track down the elusive Yiling Laozu.

“Jiang Cheng, I am helping! I’m supervising, can’t you tell?” Wei Wuxian leaned against a pillar of the Sword Testing Hall, held up a small bottle of Lotus Breeze Wine, and gestured in the general direction of the bustling Jiang Sect disciples.

“You need to clean too!” Jiang Cheng said as he plucked the bottle of alcohol from Wei Wuxian’s hand and replaced it with a broom and a few rags. “Go to the Ancestral Hall. Sweep the floors, polish the tablets, set out the offerings. Get it done in two shichen. There are many more Qingming preparations to finish!”

“Alright alright,” Wei Wuxian said as he sauntered towards the Ancestral Hall.

“And pick up the pace. Don’t set a bad example for the juniors!”

“Alright! Alright!” Wei Wuxian called back and headed to do his task. He stepped into the Ancestral Hall and stopped. There was an extra table set up with two memorial tablets. Did someone else die? But wouldn’t he know about it?

He shook his head and started cleaning the floor. He’ll have to clean them anyway. He’ll find out then. After the floor was swept, mopped, and polished, he pulled out a new rag and started cleaning the memorial tablets. He remembered Shijie sitting by the lotus-shaped altar and crying over Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang’s tablets. He remembered himself and Jiang Cheng as children being forced to kneel before the spirits of the dead after they got into trouble. He remembered learning the names of all the Jiang Sect ancestors from the last few hundred years. From the oldest to the most recent, he carefully wiped the dust from their names.

He got to Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang and held them a bit longer. Closing his eyes, Wei Wuxian muttered, “I hope you’re proud of Jiang Cheng. He’s done well for the sect. Under his care, Lotus Pier has gotten stronger and become well respected. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help him more. I hope you forgive me for that.” He opened his eyes and returned Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang to their rightful spots.

He then reached for Jiang Yanli’s tablet. He wiped it down and spoke to her, told her about A-yuan and Wen Ning and Lan Zhan. He spoke of the rabbits his Lan Zhan kept for him and of all the new Gusu rules. He described the way the pine trees bent under the snow in Cloud Recesses winters and the food Lan Zhan cooked just for him during that time. He told stories about night hunting adventures with Jin Ling and the Lan Juniors, about how Jin Ling was growing up to be a respected sect leader. After a quarter of a shichen, his voice started to crack and he finally returned his Shijie to rest beside her parents. He then pulled out the hair stick he bought for her. “I hope you like this Shijie. I miss you so much.”

The last two tablets were not with the others on the lotus altar but set aside on an offering table in a prominent location. Wei Wuxian almost dropped them when he saw the names: Zangse-Sanren and Wei Changze. What? Why? His fingers brushed over his parents’ names. Was this why Jiang Cheng told him to come here? Did Jiang Cheng plan this all along?

He fingers tightened as he slowly lowered himself onto the floor. Even when Uncle Jiang was alive, memorial tablets of his parents were never in the Ancestral Hall. He had never gotten a chance to speak to them or tell them about his life. Suddenly faced with two lives worth of memories, Wei Wuxian found himself speechless. He opened and closed his mouth a few times and finally returned the tablets to the table.

Pulling over a pouffe, Wei Wuxian knelt before his parents’ names. He lit three sticks of incense and bowed solemnly thrice. “This unfilial son, Wei Wuxian, pays his respects to his parents, Wei Changze and Zangse-Sanren. Forgive me for my years of transgression.”

Outside the Ancestral Hall, Jiang Cheng leaned against a sliding door, hidden from view. “Uncle Wei, Aunt Zangse, A-Jie. I hope you’re enjoying your time with A-Xian today. I promise he will visit you often in the future.”

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aurora077 · 3 years

Text

Securing Sect Leader Jin

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13926514/1/Securing-Sect-Leader-Jin

Chapter 1 - Before securing Sect Leader Jin, you must first secure the donkey.

Disclaimer: This will be a mix of canons so like in CQL, Wei Wuxian goes travelling after the temple’s events. However, he has been resurrected in Mo Xuanyu’s body rather than his own, like in the novel. Also I do not own MDZS/CQL that belongs to MXTX.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wei Wuxian?! What are you doing here?” Jiang Cheng scowled.

“Shhhhhh! They’ll hear us!” he hissed, barely refraining from clapping a hand over Jiang Cheng’s mouth. That would have certainly gotten them caught because Jiang Cheng would probably have murdered him on the spot.

Jiang Cheng reluctantly shut up but glared fiercely at him. The effect was rather lessened by the fact that they were both hiding like thieves behind a large bush and spying on their nephew.

“Wen Ning couldn’t come today so I’m following the juniors in his place,” he whispered.

It had been a few months after the incident at Guanyin Temple, and while travelling was something he’d always wanted to do, he could admit to himself it was a bit lonely when his only company was a recalcitrant donkey. By chance he had stumbled across Wen Ning and A-Yuan who had just set out on their journey to give the Wen Remnants a proper send off and Wen Ning had expressed his dismay that he would not be able to look out for Jin Ling during night hunts while he was gone (he still felt guilty for being partially responsible for the death of the boy’s father and had dedicated himself to keeping him safe, especially since Jin Ling seemed to have forgiven him). Wei Wuxian had enthusiastically volunteered to be his replacement while the newly discovered uncle-nephew pair took the time to bond with each other. “Everything will be fine Wen Ning, you’ll see! I’ll be Jin Ling’s guard until you get back!”

It had reassured Wen Ning only partially, because while he could agree that Jin Ling would be safe, he worried that Wei Wuxian would not be. Far be it for him to comment on Wei Wuxian’s choices but he did worry for his friend who had no self-preservation skills whatsoever. But regardless, Wen Ning went along with A-Yuan and trusted that Wei Wuxian would keep both Jin Rulan and himself safe.

He did however forget to warn Wei Wuxian that he might bump into Sect Leader Jiang, who took his nephew’s safety very seriously and followed him along on night hunts (in secret because Jin Ling was now Sect Leader Jin and he felt it was beneath his dignity to have his uncle trailing after him the entire time.)

To Jiang Cheng it just seemed like his little nephew was whining about being ‘a big boy now jiujiu’ and ‘you don’t have to hold my hand anymore jiujiu’ (well Jin Ling hadn’t used those exact words but Jiang Cheng had on jiujiu-coloured glasses). Jiang Cheng, of course, disagreed with Jin Ling’s assertion that he didn’t need to follow him. Being Sect Leader Jin actually brought Jin Ling even more danger than before because his position was not solid and many people wanted to kill him to take over the sect themselves or to destabilise the sect even more than it already was. So like it or not, when Jin Ling was on a night hunt, Jiang Cheng would be following closely behind. No assassin was going to get Jin Ling on his watch!

Luckily for our two stalkers the night hunt was relatively simple and Jin Ling, together with the loud Lan and the lone Ouyang with any sense in his head, had finished it up swiftly and they were just looking for an inn to stay the night before heading back to their sects in the morning. The boys got their rooms and tiredly went to take baths before dinner, unaware that they had been followed. This left Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng standing awkwardly outside the inn (because they couldn’t stick too close, they’d be noticed!), neither knowing what to say to the other. It was much easier back in the forest where they couldn’t speak because neither wished to be caught skulking around.

“Ah Jiang Cheng could you um….” Wei Wuxian rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, “Uh, nevermind…”

“What is it?” “It’s nothing, don't worry,” he said nervously. He was always nervous around Jiang Cheng now. Their days of easy camaraderie were a thing of the past.

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, “Just spit it out!”

That was familiar enough that the words spilled out before he realised it. “Uh so I left Lil Apple tied at the edge of the forest and I need to go feed him or he’ll get cranky and will wake up the entire town with his braying tonight. I just wondered if you would maybe, um..reserve-a-room-for-me-as-well when you go in…” he said, rushing the words, then stammering, “B..but it’s okay if you don’t want to! I’ll just try to get one afterwards, if they have any left by then haha.”

“Still travelling with that ridiculous donkey then are you? I thought you’d be holed up in the Cloud Recesses with Lan Wangji. Didn’t you leave together with him?” Jiang Cheng scoffed.

“Hehe, well Lan Zhan is busy, you know. Zewu-Jun is in seclusion so he has to help Lan Qiren run the sect.” “That doesn’t explain why you’re not there with him. I mean I never expected you to fall for Lan Wangji of all people especially when you’d have to live in Cloud Recesses with their 4000 rules and Grandmaster Lan who hates your guts, but hey there’s no accounting for taste.”

“Hey! Lan Zhan is great! Anyone would be lucky to have him even with their 4000 rules. And I told you, we’re just friends, it’s not like that,” he replied, pouting slightly. The truth was Lan Zhan hadn’t asked him to stay and he… well he didn’t want to impose. He’d already caused Lan Zhan so much trouble, with his sect and otherwise. It’s not as if he could have stayed forever anyway, he wasn’t a Lan and Jiang Cheng wasn’t wrong, Lan Qiren did hate him.

“Right, so you bowed in the ancestral hall for no reason other than to pay respects together with your “very good friend”, nothing more to it?”

“Exactly!” he replied brightly.

Jiang Cheng huffed in disbelief but didn’t pursue the matter. He couldn’t tell if the sarcasm was lost or if Wei Wuxian was being purposefully obtuse. But whatever, far be it for him to help out that condescending, Wei Wuxian-stealing, Lan Wangji anyway.

“What have you been doing if you haven’t been in the Cloud Recesses then?”

“Oh you know, just travelling here and there. Seeing the world. All that good stuff. Experiencing the life of a rogue cultivator.” He didn’t really have a place to go back to after all, travelling was all he could do, but it felt pathetic saying it out loud.

Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow, “Then how did you land up back here, checking on A-Ling? Isn’t that what The Ghost General does now that he has more free time than he knows what to do with? What could he have possibly been busy with that he had to ask you to do it? Not like he needs to eat or sleep.”

“How did you know Wen Ning does that,” Wei Wuxian asked, surprised. Jiang Cheng scoffed again, “Who do you think I usually end up behind bushes with Wei Wuxian? I’m surprised he didn’t warn you that I would be there.”

Wei Wuxian grinned slyly, “Behind bushes with Wen Ning huh, and here I thought you didn’t like him.”

It took him a second but the comment registered and his face turned red. “Wei Wuxian you..!”

Jiang Cheng was ready to throw hands. Wei Wuxian laughed and dodged and for a second the sense of familiarity was so strong it felt like no time had passed at all. But the moment soon evaporated and they were both left feeling wrong-footed. Wei Wuxian shifted nervously once more, fidgeting with his sleeves.

Jiang Cheng cleared his throat, “Well anyway your picky donkey isn’t going to feed itself is it? Get going Wei Wuxian! I really don’t need to wake up to the sound of an angry donkey in the middle of the night.”

“Right, well uh I’ll just go.. do that...” he dashed away quickly to escape the awkwardness.

Jiang Cheng sighed forlornly. It never used to be so difficult to be around each other. But he didn’t know how to interact with Wei Wuxian anymore. He’d fall back into his natural mode of grumpiness only to realise that instead of laughing about it Wei Wuxian would get nervous. Like just now. When he literally ran away to go spend time with a donkey instead of Jiang Cheng. Once upon a time he used to be the stubborn ass in Wei Wuxian’s life. Oh to get replaced by an animal! Called Lil Apple! Who’d bite his master if he displeased it! At least Jiang Cheng didn’t bite. He pouted internally. Shaking himself out of his thoughts as a large group of people passed him by to get into the inn, he made his way to the counter, even more annoyed now that he’d have to wait in a line to book a room. He’d normally warrant attention because of his status but it was crucial that he keep a low profile at the moment thus he didn’t draw the innkeeper’s attention to himself. As such, he ended up not-so-patiently waiting in line like a normal person.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian felt like he could breathe freely again. “Ah Lil Apple, at least I know what to expect with you,” he said, trying to pat the donkey and almost losing a finger for his efforts. “Fine, fine, you only want me for the food don’t you?” he groused, pulling out a few apples and leaving them on the ground. “You’re a smart donkey aren’t you? I’ll be back in the morning so be sure not to eat them all at once or you’ll be stuck with this forest grass.” Lil Apple brayed contemptuously. “Oh don’t use that tone with me! Do you want to go back to the Cloud Recesses and share with the bunnies instead?” Lil Apple side-eyed him but took a deliberately slow bite out of an apple to show he understood the threat and would heed his master’s words, but that he did not appreciate it. When he was in the Cloud Recesses those darned furry rodents had covered almost every inch of grass and he could not get a bite in between. He had unhappily brayed, hoping to get some of those carrots the young humans would bring for the rabbits to sate his hunger, only to be unceremoniously tossed out when his master came back because the older white clad humans had been annoyed by his hungry cries. One of them in particular, the one with a tail on his face, also seemed to hate his master. He made sure to spit on his robes before he left. Only he could dislike his master. He really did not want to go back there, so he just ate his apple mutinously.

Satisfied that Lil Apple would be sated and would not cause a disturbance, Wei Wuxian made his way back to the inn.

“You there, with the flute!”

“Who me?” he asked, surprised.

“Yes, you. Your companion has booked you room 13,” said the woman, who he realised was the innkeeper, “He’s ordered dinner to be brought to the room when you arrive, so you should probably head upstairs. Dinner will be served in thirty minutes.”

So Jiang Cheng did reserve a room for him after all. He let out a sigh of relief. He’d wondered on his way back if he’d come back to find that he’d been left to find another inn as this one would surely have been full by the time he got back (he had sat for a while just chilling with Lil Apple). He’d even been ordered dinner. Jiang Cheng was being particularly generous. He wondered how he’d pay him back though. The silver Lan Zhan gave him was running kind of low.

He opened the door to room 13 (which he suspected was close to the juniors’ rooms given that it seemed to be one of the inns’ better ones) and came face to face with Jiang Cheng. He startled a bit but before he could say anything Jiang Cheng scowled, “There you are. I was wondering if you’d decided to disappear with the damn donkey. What took you so long? Don’t you know it’s a chilly night? What if you catch a cold with that weak body of yours?”

“You were looking for me? I was just reassuring Lil Apple, nothing major. Thanks by the way, for ordering a meal. And for the room. I promise I’ll pay you back as soon as I can. You can go back to your room, I’ll be fine, I’ve lived through worse than a cold night,” he said, touched that Jiang Cheng had come to check on him.

“I am in my room,” Jiang Cheng said nonchalantly, “And don’t be ridiculous, did anyone ask you to pay? Dinner will be here soon, you should probably go wash the eau de donkey off of you before it arrives.” “

“Oh. Sorry, I must have gotten the wrong room then, which one is mine?”

“You are also staying here.” “Huh?” came his bewildered reply. Did Jiang Cheng just not want to bother paying for a room for him? He’d still be grateful for dinner and at least the floor of the inn was clean as opposed to outside in the dirt but he couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. He had gotten his hopes up for a bed.

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop. There were no other rooms left. So you can either suck it up and share with me for a night or go sleep on the donkey.”

When Wei Wuxian looked like he might actually be considering going back outside, Jiang Cheng’s scowl returned with a vengeance. “Oh I see how it is. You can go gallivanting around half the jianghu, sharing rooms with Lan ‘just a friend’ Wangji but you can’t stay one night with me, who you lived and shared a room with for years before...shit happened.”

“Th..that’s not it! And how do you know that anyway?” he sputtered, slightly impressed with Jiang Cheng’s knowledge of things that he wasn’t present for given that he didn’t think Jin Ling talked with his uncle about that time in their lives.

“Juniors talk to each other on night hunts, Wei Wuxian. I have overheard some conversations.”

Ah. Eavesdropping. He was slightly less impressed.

“A..anyway it’s not like that!”

“Then what is it like? You got him drunk and he tied you up with his forehead ribbon and then you went to the same bedroom. You can’t seriously expect me to believe it isn’t a little ‘like that’.”

“What’s the big deal with everyone and that damned forehead ribbon? It’s not like I stripped him,” he huffed.

Jiang Cheng was astonished. “You mean to tell me all of these years later and you still don’t know?” Shit, he was starting to feel a sliver of pity for Lan Wangji.

“Look I know it was my bad the last time at the archery competition, but this time it really wasn’t me! He did it on his own. And he was drunk, he had no idea what he was doing. So whatever importance it has to the Lan at least this time I wasn’t the one who started it.”

Yup, that was definitely pity he was feeling. The poor sod. He absconded with him in front of all the sect leaders who would have been happy to think Lan Wangji was being deceived, hid him from said sect leaders, bowed in the ancestral shrine with Wei Wuxian, shared a bed with him, tied him with his ribbon, and still got called just a friend. Any lesser man would break.

But also, wait… “If it’s not ‘like that’ then why did you act all shameless and say he was your type?” Jiang Cheng grumbled, annoyed upon remembering that first day of meeting him as Mo Xuanyu. “And then go on to share a bed with him in Cloud Recesses and in all those inns?” he continued.

“You’re not still hung up on that, are you Jiang Cheng?” he pouted, “You know, I was just trying to escape; from both of you at the time. I didn’t mean anything by it. Don’t you remember how easy it was to rile him up when we were in Cloud Recesses? Anything I said or did was against the rules. He’d get mad so easily. I tried my best to scandalise him this time so that he would kick me out and I could go off on my own but I had no idea he’d grown so tolerant in the years I’ve been gone. I only got away from you because of A-Ling. As for him, I thought it would be easier to escape so I did things that would make him want to kick me to the curb. But nothing I did helped me to escape. Not even getting drunk, in fact, he even joined me in drinking once! I never thought I’d see the day. Eventually we got caught up in the mystery and he stood by my side when things went pear-shaped. You know I always considered him a friend even though I thought he hated me. Turns out he didn’t really hate me after all! Isn’t that great? You always said he did!” he accused.

“He always seemed like he did! Even you agreed. He was always so stiff. It’s not like we could have read anything else from his perpetually stony expression. I had no idea how he really felt until...well...” Jiang Cheng trailed off awkwardly.

Clearly Wei Wuxian was also not keen on broaching the ribbon or the shrine topic so he sidestepped it easily and went back to Lan Wangji. “Yes, exactly. Lan Zhan is such a good friend. I’m really glad that he doesn’t hate me. I value his friendship very much so don’t badmouth him Jiang Cheng, okay? You can badmouth me all you like but Lan Zhan is a good person and he doesn’t deserve it.”

He certainly doesn’t deserve this level of obliviousness, thought Jiang Cheng. It was somehow both good and bad for Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian didn’t realise it. If Wei Wuxian did not return those feelings and truly did see him as a good friend, he wouldn’t have to go about feeling all guilty and obligated about it because that would 100% happen and Lan Wangji himself wouldn’t want Wei Wuxian to bear that burden. On the other hand it was bad because Lan Wangji would just be there pining away with no definitive answer and getting his feelings inadvertently stepped on when Wei Wuxian did something that was like rubbing salt in his wounds. But hey, he still didn’t like the man so, not really his problem. Especially since he would have had no feud with him if Lan Wangji himself hadn’t started acting like Jiang Cheng was enemy number one. He would have thought Lan Wangji of all people would know better than to listen to rumors. Clearly Lans did gossip after all. Wei Wuxian on the other hand...well he’d been dead for thirteen years, he had to get his news from somewhere.

He had such complicated feelings when Wei Wuxian first came back to Lotus Pier, and even though the truth had not yet been revealed, he’d still wished they could somehow go back to the way they were. That was until Wei Wuxian broke their unspoken mode of communication (through arguing of course), by actually physically attacking him in his own ancestral hall. Though he was starting to realise that maybe their shrine talk had devolved so completely because of the presence of Lan Wangji. If Lan Wangji hadn’t been there without his permission then Jiang Cheng would have had nothing to say about him. But he had been an outsider in a private space and had the nerve to bow in front of Jiang Cheng’s parents with Wei Wuxian like he was family. It had rubbed Jiang Cheng the wrong way and his words were even more scathing than usual. After now being explicitly told that he shouldn’t badmouth the man in front of Wei Wuxian, he really believed that things wouldn’t have gone so poorly if Lan Wangji just wasn’t there. Wei Wuxian was always the type to get mad on everyone’s behalf but his own, and in this case, he thought highly of Lan Wangji which didn’t help. All Jiang Cheng was looking for was an explanation, instead he had gotten an unwanted show.

“Anyway,” Jiang Cheng deflected, scrunching up his nose, “Whatever my thoughts on Lan Wangji, at least the man is always clean. You stink. Go wash up idiot.”

“Is it really that bad?” he sniffed himself. Okay it wasn’t that bad, A-Cheng, rude! But he was smelling a bit like a barnyard animal so he went behind the screen to take a quick wash before their dinner arrived. There was a basin with water and a clean washcloth to the side. Jiang Cheng had already freshened up since there was a scrunched up cloth in the corner. He felt like he was having an out of body experience. How many times in their youth had they been in this situation? Him coming in all messy from creating mischief somewhere and Jiang Cheng chiding him while making sure he took a bath and didn’t get sick. Jiang Cheng never said what he meant. Always scolding him but worrying about him at the same time. Back then they were carefree kids, a vast difference from their current situation but maybe, just maybe, that at least was still the same.

Back then also had two beds, he thought mournfully, as they finished up an awkward dinner and he was faced with the reality of having to sleep on the floor.

----------------------------------------

Author's Note: So I had this idea and have been trying to finish it for the longest time, but I decided to post chapter one at least and see how it goes because it is taking me longer to finish than I hoped.

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disastermages · 4 years

Text

Lan Zhan had been trying to work his way over to Wei Ying for the better part of two hours now, but every time he got close, either one or both of them were being led off by some distant relative, or business acquaintance, or a family friend that neither of them could recognize. Wei Ying had only thrown him sympathetic looks over his shoulder as they both resigned themselves to have strangers chatting away at their elbows.

Lan Zhan should have known better than to let go of Wei Ying’s hand, he should have known better than to agree to an engagement party, even if Jiang Fengmian had insisted on throwing one for them. Jiang Yanli had warned them when he and Wei Ying had decided to announce their engagement to their siblings first, and neither of them had had the foresight to listen to her.

It takes him another hour and a half to find himself beside Wei Ying, their shoulders pressed together as their fingers intertwine. “Can we sneak off yet?” Wei Ying asks, his nose brushing against Lan Zhan’s cheek, and Lan Zhan would give anything to be able to lean into it, but he doesn’t, instead his eyes search across the room for his brother, swiping his thumb over the back of Wei Ying’s hand.

When their eyes finally do meet, Lan Huan takes a moment to look over the room before he smiles and nods, waving them off as subtly as he can. Lan Zhan feels himself relax instantly. “Yes.” He answers finally, his hand tightening around Wei Ying’s as he leads them out of the packed room, trying his best not to get noticed by some aunt or uncle that held either one of them once.

It takes longer than it should for the two of them to find an empty dock, the rest of them occupied by others who had drifted away from the party, or larger groups looking for a quiet place to sit and gossip while they drank, but Wei Ying leads him out to one on the far end of the Jiang’s property, with only a single row boat tethered to it.

“I missed you.” Wei Ying sighs as they sit down across from each other, their knees touching as they leaned into each other’s space.

“We’ve been in the same room all night.” Lan Zhan teases, reaching forward to tuck a lock of hair that had escaped from his ponytail behind his ear, though he doesn’t take his hand away, instead he lets it trail down the length of Wei Ying’s arm, only stopping when he holds one of Wei Ying’s hands in both of his.

“With three hundred other people.” Wei Ying whines, and Lan Zhan can feel the corners of his lips trying to pull into a smile. “It doesn’t count if our families keep us on opposite sides of the room, Lan Zhan.” Even as he speaks, Wei Ying’s thumb is sliding underneath the cuff of Lan Zhan’s shirt, pressing against the soft skin of his inner wrist.

“I missed Wei Ying as well.” Lan Zhan says, taking one of his hands and lifting it to Wei Ying’s cheek, already wishing they were back in their apartment, the door locked behind them and Wei Ying asleep on his chest.

Wei Ying’s eyes flutter closed on instinct, dark lashes fanning out across his cheeks and making Lan Zhan’s stomach do somersaults, even after all the years they’d been together.

He hadn’t known what to do the first time he’d seen Wei Ying, sneaking over their boarding school’s wall and breaking the rules before the semester had even properly began, such an obvious disregard for the rules had confused and frustrated him.

Lan Zhan likes to think that he’s gotten better though, leaning forward and brushing a kiss onto Wei Ying’s forehead.

When he sits back, Wei Ying is smiling up at him sweetly, his eyes soft as he leans forward, chasing after Lan Zhan like he always does, though he seems to deflate a little once his hands make contact with Lan Zhan’s thighs.

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying sighs quietly, looking up at him in a way that makes Lan Zhan want to pull him into his lap and keep him there for the rest of the night, “Is this how our wedding is going to be? Having to sneak off just to get away from Uncle Jiang’s business partners?” It wasn’t like Lan Zhan hadn’t had the same thought, his uncle hadn’t invited any business partners of his own, but he’d invited distant relatives, some with names neither Lan Zhan nor his brother could remember. The same couldn’t be promised for their wedding.

“It does not have to be.” Lan Zhan says softly, looking down and focusing on the way their legs press against each other, “We do not have to have a large wedding if Wei Ying doesn’t want it.” Lan Zhan had had his own thoughts of a big wedding, long before he’d proposed. He’d thought about kneeling next to Wei Ying with their families behind them, with no one rolling their eyes or stroking their beard disapprovingly, but those thoughts had fallen to the wayside now.

“I thought I wanted it.” Wei Ying confesses, pouting just a little as he presses his thumbs into the fabric of Lan Zhan’s slacks, the weight of his hands warm and comforting. “I thought I wanted to see the look on your uncle’s face when he realized you weren’t joking about marrying me, too.” Wei Ying says, his nose wrinkling as the smile on his face threatens to outshine the moon.

His uncle hadn’t thought he was joking when he told him about their engagement, he hadn’t said anything at all for a few long moments, and then he’d nodded and Lan Zhan had known that the conversation was finished. “My uncle knows I would not joke about marrying you.” Lan Zhan says slowly, looking Wei Ying in the eye and hoping that he would understand. “I would never, Wei Ying is too important.”

“Lan Zhan! You can’t just say things like that!” Wei Ying cries, his voice loud enough that Lan Zhan thinks they’ll be caught and dragged back to the party, though no one ever comes. “What about you? What kind of wedding do you want?”

“Any wedding would be fine as long as you are there.” Lan Zhan says, he doesn’t have to think about it, there’s no reason to, not when he would marry Wei Ying right where they were, sitting at the end of a dock with their hands on each other.

“We could elope.” Wei Ying grins, sitting up on his knees and shuffling forward, he doesn’t sit in Lan Zhan’s lap yet, but it’s a near thing, just a few inches away as Lan Zhan sets his hands on Wei Ying’s hips.

“Mn.”

“We wouldn’t even have to tell anyone where we’re going, we could drop the rabbits off at my sister’s house, A-Ling would love that.” Wei Ying’s arms wrap around Lan Zhan’s neck then and Lan Zhan pulls him into his lap on instinct, burying his face in Wei Ying’s neck.

“Jin Ling has gotten better at handling them.” Lan Zhan admits, thinking back to the way he’d gently carried one of them the last time they’d babysat for Jiang Yanli, a few months earlier, Lan Zhan wouldn’t have dreamt about handing the little boy one of their rabbits and letting him wander their apartment with it.

“Jiang Cheng will be upset, he’s already sending me color palettes and fabric swatches.”

“I will protect Wei Ying.”

“Your brother will be disappointed, he won’t say it, but he’ll be disappointed.”

“Huan will forgive us.” Lan Zhan would be surprised if his brother hadn’t already considered the likelihood of them running away together.

“Lan Zhan, we’re eloping, aren’t we?” Wei Ying asks, pulling away just enough to look at Lan Zhan, his smile has already turned misty by the time Lan Zhan allows himself to be gently pried away from Wei Ying’s neck.

“If Wei Ying wants.” Lan Zhan answers, bringing a hand up to Wei Ying’s cheek again, his thumb stroking over his bottom lip before Lan Zhan pulls him down into a kiss. It’s gentle, and quick, but neither one of them pulls away from it completely, their foreheads pressed together. “Whenever Wei Ying wants.”

“Lan Zhan, if you tell me that I might want to get married tomorrow morning.” Wei Ying laughs, his bangs brushing against Lan Zhan’s cheeks and tickling him.

“Whenever Wei Ying wants.” Lan Zhan repeats, blinking slowly and smiling as he looks up at his fiance

“What if I wanted to get married in the next fifteen minutes?”

“Great Aunt Yi would be willing to officiate.” Lan Zhan answers simply and Wei Ying laughs again.

“You’re teasing me again, Lan Zhan.”

“Wei Ying teased me first.”

#the untamed #mdzs #wangxian #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wei ying #lan zhan #modern au wangxian bc i could not be bothered to follow canon today #i mean not that i ever do but yknow #also to the one anon in my askbox i see your request and i am trying

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bloody-bee-tea · 4 years

Text

A second chance

ScarletRuby19 over on Twitter commissioned me for a Chengxuan fic where JZX survives and comes to Lotus Pier where JC and JZX bond, first over JL and then JYL, before they fall in love. Cue some angst and doubt, over whether they are allowed this happiness before they decide that, yes. JYL would want them to be happy. Plus a little bonus at the end where WWX finds out and Madam Jin doting on JC. I hope you like it! It’s a little over 5k, so you can also read it here on AO3.

Jiang Cheng is standing in the ruins of his home and he doesn’t know where he should even start. Just yesterday he added a plate for his sister, setting it up next to their parents and just the thought makes Jiang Cheng want to curl up and die. Or maybe just sleep for a very, very long time.

Let someone else shoulder the responsibility for once.

But he doesn’t even get that, because a disciple comes running up to him. It’s always bad news when people run up to him.

“What?” Jiang Cheng snaps out before the disciple even comes to a stop, and when he does, he has to bend over to catch his breath first.

“Sect Leader, Jin Zixuan is here.”

Jiang Cheng blinks, once, twice and then a third time for good measure.

“He is what?” he finally gets out and the disciple points back to where he came from.

“He just landed, a baby strapped to his chest.”

Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng thinks, and it’s that thought that finally gets him to move.

He runs off, the disciple close behind him, and Jiang Cheng comes to a stop when his eyes fall on Jin Zixuan, like his disciple said, chalk white in his face, sweat on his brow, swaying on his feet and a baby strapped to his chest.

“You’re not dead,” is the first thing Jiang Cheng says to him and he’s met with a grimace at that.

“Wishing I were right about now,” Jin Zixuan gives back, panting heavily and when his knees give out on him, Jiang Cheng is there to catch him.

“I don’t understand,” Jiang Cheng admits, one hand under Jin Zixuan’s shoulder to support him, and one hand on Jin Ling’s head.

“Wen Ning killed you,” Jiang Cheng says once he safely guided Jin Zixuan to sit down right where he stood and Jin Zixuan lets out a snort that turns into a pained grunt.

“Wishing he did right about now,” Jin Zixuan says again with a grimace and then he sighs when Jin Ling starts to squirm in the harness. “Help me with this,” Jin Zixuan pants out, getting started on undoing the straps that hold Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng is quick to assist him.

He doesn’t mention how much Jin Zixuan’s hands shake.

What he does mention is the steadily growing patch of blood on his robe.

“What the fuck,” Jiang Cheng breathes out and then turns towards his disciple. “Get Jiang Sushan, right now.”

The disciple runs off without comment and Jiang Cheng turns back around to Jin Zixuan, just in time to have Jin Ling deposited in his arms.

“What is going on?” Jiang Cheng whispers and Jin Zixuan presses his lips together.

“I survived, if only barely. And I can’t stay at Koi Tower. I think—I think Jin Guangyao and Jin Zixun were working together. I can’t—I don’t trust him. I can’t stay there. Jin Ling shouldn’t be around him,” he pants out and Jiang Cheng looks down at the tiny baby in his arms. “My mother sent me away.”

“Why come here?” Jiang Cheng dumbly asks, but it’s all a bit too much right now.

“You’re her brother,” Jin Zixuan presses out. “You’re his uncle. Where else would I go?”

His answer takes Jiang Cheng aback, because it sounds like Jin Zixuan didn’t even consider going anywhere else, and it makes a ball of dread settle in Jiang Cheng’s stomach.

“I have nothing to offer you. Look around,” he says and points at the still slightly smoking ruins of Lotus Pier. “I have no resources, no stable home, nothing. Why come here?”

Jin Zixuan levels him with a look Jiang Cheng didn’t know he could make and repeats “You’re her sister, you’re his uncle. Where else would I go?”

Jiang Cheng opens his mouth to argue, but before he can find the words, Jin Ling lets out a discontented noise and Jiang Cheng’s attention is immediately redirected.

“I don’t know what to do,” Jin Zixuan whispers and he sounds as honest as Jiang Cheng has ever heard him. “She’s gone and I don’t know what to do.”

Jiang Cheng’s head snaps back up, just in time to watch Jin Zixuan slump back, his injury and the exhaustion clearly getting the better of him, but before Jiang Cheng has time to panic, he catches sight of Jiang Sushan rushing up to them.

“I don’t know, either,” Jiang Cheng whispers and then he makes place for the healer, Jin Ling cradled protectively to his chest.

He doesn’t have a goddamn clue what to do either.

~*~*~

Jiang Sushan forbids Jin Zixuan from standing up until the hole in his stomach has healed. The hole in his stomach. Jiang Cheng feels sick just thinking about it, and he tries very hard not to imagine how it happened.

But with Jin Zixuan forced into bedrest, Jiang Cheng spends more time in the infirmary than he ever cared to do before. But Jin Zixuan wants to see his son, and Jiang Cheng can barely stand the thought of giving the tiny baby out of his hands.

So it’s him who brings Jin Ling to Jin Zixuan on a daily basis.

“If you could just heal up already,” Jiang Cheng grumbles sometimes during the third week, because he has a home to rebuild and a Sect to establish and disciples to train, but instead he’s sitting at his late sister’s husband’s bedside, holding a baby on his knees so Jin Zixuan can reach out and let Jin Ling grab his finger. “I have better things to do than be here every goddamn day.”

“Then just leave,” Jin Zixuan snaps back, clearly as unhappy with his bedrest as Jiang Cheng is.

Plus, neither of them counted on seeing each other every goddamn day when Jin Zixuan married Jiang Yanli and for all that Jiang Yanli clearly loved him, Jiang Cheng still holds a grudge.

Jin Zixuan was an ass to his sister and he’s not sure he’ll ever forgive that.

“Fine,” Jiang Cheng presses out and makes to stand up, absolutely intending to take Jin Ling with him, but Jin Zixuan fists his hand in Jiang Cheng’s robe.

“You’ll leave him here,” he says, eyes narrowed and Jiang Cheng fights the urge to bare his teeth at him.

“Absolutely not. You’re not even allowed to hold him yet,” he gives back and he can see the fury flash over Jin Zixuan’s face.

“And whose fault is that?” he demands to know and if he’s being honest, Jiang Cheng has been itching for this fight ever since Jin Zixuan landed in Lotus Pier.

“Why don’t you tell me,” he says, voice scathing and Jin Zixuan doesn’t even hesitate for a second.

“Your fucking brother did this to me,” he hisses and now Jiang Cheng gives him a smile so sharp Jin Zixuan rears back.

“From what you told me it was your brother who did this, so if I were you, I wouldn’t go around throwing stones,” he gives back without missing a beat and Jin Zixuan goes red in the face. “Now if you would excuse me, I have to take care of your kid, because clearly you’re unable to.”

It’s a low blow, and Jiang Cheng knows it, but he can’t stop himself.

“I wasn’t supposed to do this alone,” Jin Zixuan says, and his voice sounds more watery than Jiang Cheng knows how to deal with. “Yanli was supposed to be here, too.”

“Yeah, well, she’s not, is she,” Jiang Cheng says, and even just the reminder that his sister is dead cuts him open all over again.

A very vindictive part of Jiang Cheng hopes that Jin Zixuan feels the same pain Jiang Cheng does.

“And whose fault is that?” Jin Zixuan yells suddenly at him, startling Jin Ling into crying, but neither of them care right now.

“Certainly not mine,” Jiang Cheng shoots back but Jin Zixuan doesn’t back down.

“No. It was just your brother who killed my wife. Who killed his mother,” Jin Zixuan says with a pointed look at Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng boils with rage.

“She was my sister, too,” he shouts, Jin Ling full on wailing in his arms now, and it’s only the arrival of Jiang Sushan who defuses the situation.

“What the hell,” she says and marches up to Jiang Cheng, to take Jin Ling out of his hands. “I allowed you to bring him because I thought it would help his recovery,” she snaps and rocks Jin Ling in her arms.

“Since clearly you’re both too stupid to appreciate my gift, I’ll have to ask you to leave now, Sect Leader Jiang.”

Jiang Cheng turns burning eyes on her, but Jiang Sushan is not one to back down and Jiang Cheng knows it.

“Can I—,” Jin Zixuan asks, arm outstretched for his son but Jiang Sushan gives him the same judgemental look she gave Jiang Cheng.

“Absolutely not,” she declares and then simply storms off, Jin Ling still in her arms.

Jiang Cheng’s fingers itch without Jin Ling’s by now so familiar weight and Jin Zixuan looks like he has half a mind running after her.

But thanks to the interruption all the rage left Jiang Cheng and so he scrubs a tired hand over his face.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. If you leave that bed, she’ll find a reason to send Jin Ling to Meishan or something,” Jiang Cheng whispers without looking at Jin Zixuan who freezes in his movement.

“She wouldn’t,” he gives back but he doesn’t sound as certain as he surely would like to be.

“She would,” Jiang Cheng corrects him and then straightens up. “Just stay in this goddamn bed and heal, would you? I’m tired of doing this alone,” he tells Jin Zixuan, his eyes still carefully avoided, but he still notices the jerky nod from the other man.

It’s only then that Jiang Cheng leaves the infirmary.

~*~*~

It takes Jin Zixuan another two weeks to heal enough for Jiang Sushan to allow him out of bed. He’s still not allowed to hold Jin Ling without help, but at least he can watch him. It doesn’t give Jiang Cheng enough time to deal with his Sect’s business, but it’s better than nothing.

“I can help, you know,” Jin Zixuan says one afternoon as he watches Jin Ling and he startles Jiang Cheng enough that he messes up his letter.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng curses, prompting Jin Ling to let out an unhappy noise and when Jin Zixuan shoots him an accusing glare, Jiang Cheng glares right back.

“He’s too young to pick up on this,” Jiang Cheng says as he checks if there’s a way to save the letter.

There is not. He’ll have to start over.

“One day he won’t be,” Jin Zixuan reasons and he reaches out as if he wants to pick Jin Ling up.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Jiang Cheng hisses under his breath and intercepts his movement, taking Jin Ling into his own arms.

“Jiang Wanyin!” Jin Zixuan snaps and Jiang Cheng glares at him over the top of Jin Ling’s very soft baby hair.

“If you pick him up, you’ll rip something and then we’re back at square one, so don’t even think about it.”

“He is my son,” Jin Zixuan presses out and Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“Then maybe hurry up with the healing, so you can hold him, too. It certainly would be a great help,” Jiang Cheng snarks and then clicks his tongue when his eyes fall on the ruined letter.

“I can help,” Jin Zixuan says again, following Jiang Cheng’s gaze and Jiang Cheng bristles.

“I am perfectly capable of writing my own letters, thank you very much.”

“You’re so—,” Jin Zixuan says and then clearly can’t find the right words because he closes his mouth with a click. “Fine. Put him back down again, so you can finish your damn letter.”

“Ah, language,” Jiang Cheng reminds him, rather smug, and he almost has to smile when Jin Zixuan shoots him a glare.

Almost.

~*~*~

When Jin Ling starts running around, Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan have long fallen into a routine. Jin Zixuan was right when he said he could help—he was trained as an heir, too, after all—and Jiang Cheng is loathe to admit that it removes a great weight from his shoulders to pass the less important matters off to Jin Zixuan.

They don’t talk a lot, even after all this time, since too many topics are off limits. They don’t talk about Wei Wuxian or Jin Guangyao at all, and mentions of Jiang Yanli still make both of them bitter and snappish, even though they are getting better at it.

It’s still safest to talk about Jin Ling, so they mostly spend their time doing that.

Even though Jiang Cheng finds himself wishing they could talk about Jiang Yanli more often.

Jin Zixuan is one of the last living people who held his sister dear, and Jiang Cheng itches with the need to find out what details Jin Zixuan remembers about her.

Jiang Cheng is afraid he’s forgetting too much lately, everything getting buried under work and more work.

“My sister told me I would hate this,” Jiang Cheng says apropos of nothing one day, when Jin Zixuan’s gaze follows Jin Ling down the pier.

They have secured this particular pier—erected a barrier so that Jin Ling couldn’t fall into the water even if they looked away for a second—and so Jin Zixuan doesn’t hesitate to snap his head around to him.

“What?” he asks, voice breathless and Jiang Cheng already regrets opening his mouth.

But the thought that maybe his memory of Jiang Yanli would be matched with one from Jin Zixuan gets him to talk again.

“She always said I’m a doer,” Jiang Cheng says, and keeps his eyes on the pile of letters on the table. “That I was meant to train the disciples and lead them on night-hunts. That I wasn’t made for the bureaucracy of leading a Sect.”

“She was right,” Jin Zixuan says with a scoff, though it’s not as sharp as it could be. “You’re doing a piss-poor job at this.”

“Language,” Jiang Cheng mildly reminds Jin Zixuan and he has to press his lips together when the predictable offended huff comes.

It was quite the surprise to realize that Jin Zixuan cursed almost as much as Jiang Cheng did, and by now Jin Ling starts to babble. One of them will slip up sooner or later, and Jiang Cheng is determined to have it be Jin Zixuan.

He thinks it would greatly amuse him, to see Jin Zixuan flush in outrage and embarrassment.

“You think you could do it better?” Jiang Cheng challenges him and Jin Zixuan sighs.

“I don’t—I don’t know,” he finally admits and Jiang Cheng’s gaze snaps towards him.

He didn’t expect Jin Zixuan to admit that he doesn’t know, that he isn’t sure of his capabilities.

“My father—he never let me do much. Shoved the minor matters off to me, but that was before Jin Guangyao came to Koi Tower. Afterwards, not so much. I guess between the two of us, you’re the only one with real experience.”

“Oh,” Jiang Cheng says, because sometimes he forgets that it wasn’t only his family that was fucked up.

“Oh,” Jin Ling parrots after Jiang Cheng and it’s enough warning for Jin Zixuan to brace for the impact of the toddler.

“You just make sure to repeat the harmless stuff,” Jin Zixuan tells his son as he hoists him into his lap, where Jin Ling settles quite contently.

An ugly spike of jealousy goes through Jiang Cheng, but he shoves it aside. Jin Ling is Jin Zixuan’s son. He’s just the uncle. Of course Jin Ling would be more comfortable with Jin Zixuan.

But then Jin Ling makes grabby hands at Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan shuffles closer with a roll of his eyes.

“I do not understand the fascination with your bell,” Jin Zixuan grumbles under his breath but he watches fondly as Jin Ling excitedly grabs for it.

“I do not understand the fascination with you,” Jiang Cheng shoots back, his eyes already back on his letter, but he still hears the outraged noise Jin Zixuan makes.

Instead of retaliating, like Jiang Cheng expected, Jin Zixuan falls silent and it’s a long time before he speaks again.

“Yanli always said that we needed to find a capable and trustworthy right hand for Jin Ling,” he finally whispers and Jiang Cheng stiffens. “I think she was preparing for the possibility that Jin Ling would turn out like you, too,” Jin Zixuan goes on, and normally Jiang Cheng would be offended at his choice of words, but Jin Zixuan’s voice is soft and Jiang Yanli never thought anything wrong with Jiang Cheng.

“I see,” Jiang Cheng whispers and then busies himself with the letter again.

He doesn’t move away when Jin Zixuan’s knee brushes his.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng is contemplating drowning himself in the waters of Lotus Pier when Jin Ling runs up to him.

“Baba!” he yells excitedly and Jiang Cheng’s heart stumbles with that by now so familiar and dreaded mix of emotions.

They have tried to tell Jin Ling that he should address Jiang Cheng as ‘jiujiu’ and not ‘baba’ but it never seems to stick with Jin Ling and at least Jin Zixuan seems to have given up on it.

Jiang Cheng refuses to acknowledge how that makes him feel, but sometimes, it’s all he can do, drowning in how much he might want this.

It’s not right, and Jiang Cheng knows it.

“A-Ling,” he greets Jin Ling when he crashes into his legs and peers up at him, excitement shining out of his eyes. “What is it?”

“A-die said I could start training with the sword soon!” Jin Ling’s voice is still too loud, too excited, but Jiang Cheng smiles down at him.

“Oh, did he?” he asks, even though he already knows it.

For all that Jin Zixuan is Jin Ling’s father, they have fallen into the habit of making decisions together. It’s a dangerous territory, like Jiang Cheng’s heart likes to remind him.

“Yes, yes, yes,” Jin Ling babbles, and Jiang Cheng knows Jin Ling is getting too big for this now, but he still bows down to pick him up and settle him at his hip.

“But I’m not allowed to use Suihua yet,” Jin Ling then adds with a sad little tilt of his mouth and rests his head on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. “A-die says I’m still too small for that.”

“And he’s right,” Jiang Cheng says and flicks Jin Ling’s nose. “Plus Suihua is too sharp for practice. You don’t want to cut yourself, do you?”

“No, baba,” Jin Ling agrees immediately, because for all that he tries to play tough—even at his tender age of five—Jin Ling cries easily.

Not to mention that neither Jin Zixuan nor Jiang Cheng like to see him hurt.

Jiang Cheng turns away from the water, thoughts of drowning himself and his stupid feelings forgotten, and when his eyes fall on Jin Zixuan he turns his head slightly away from Jin Ling on instinct.

It’s also a good reason not to focus on how his heart skips a beat.

“A-die!” Jin Ling predictably yells and throws himself out of Jiang Cheng’s arms, straight into Jin Zixuan’s, secure in the knowledge that neither will let him fall.

Jiang Cheng maintains his grip on Jin Ling until he’s sure that Jin Zixuan has him, but he sharply turns his head away when Jin Zixuan’s hands linger on his own longer than is strictly necessary.

Jiang Cheng’s mouth gives an unhappy twist when he reminds himself yet again that Jin Zixuan is his dead sister’s husband, but it does nothing to calm these feelings inside of him.

“Did you tell your baba already?” Jin Zixuan asks Jin Ling, but his eyes don’t leave Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng has to turn around when the look becomes too much.

“I did,” Jin Ling nods. “He says Suihua is too sharp for me, so I won’t use it yet,” he then tacks on and Jin Zixuan chuckles.

“Didn’t I tell you the same? Why do you only listen when it’s your baba saying that?” Jin Zixuan wants to know and Jiang Cheng can’t take it anymore.

“Zixuan!” he snaps and he only remembers himself when Jin Ling stares at him with watery eyes.

“A-Ling, why don’t you go to your room, I found you a training sword,” Jin Zixuan says as he puts Jin Ling down and Jin Ling runs off just as excitedly as he ran up to Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng’s outburst clearly already forgotten.

Jiang Cheng stares after him, not out of worry because he knows Jin Ling is safe in Lotus Pier, but to avoid Jin Zixuan’s look.

He can feel his eyes on him and Jiang Cheng doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to take it.

“Why are you still objecting to being called baba?” Jin Zixuan wants to know as he steps up to Jiang Cheng and Jiang Cheng tenses.

“I’m his jiujiu,” he gives back, even though there’s a sharp pain in his chest at the possibility of being addressed as such from Jin Ling.

“No, you’re not,” Jin Zixuan softly says and then turns Jiang Cheng around with a firm hand to his shoulder.

Jiang Cheng can’t meet his eyes, but when his gaze falls to Jin Zixuan’s lips instead he jerks his head away from that sight too.

He’s still trying to forget that night, the one where they both got drunk, the night where Jiang Cheng allowed Jin Zixuan to lean in and kiss him, and it’s so much harder than it should be. But Jin Zixuan isn’t his to touch or to kiss and Jiang Cheng hates himself a little bit for the fact that he wasn’t strong enough to push him away.

That he kissed him back instead.

“Wanyin,” Jin Zixuan whispers, and Jiang Cheng jerks with the familiarity in that name.

“Don’t,” he presses out and tries to take a step away from Jin Zixuan, but he follows him.

“Tell me why,” Jin Zixuan says, matching Jiang Cheng step for step, relentless in his movements, until Jiang Cheng is pressed against the railing of the pier.

“You’re my sister’s husband,” Jiang Cheng bites out, the words so ingrained in him already, because he has to remind himself of that several times a day.

“I’m a widower,” Jin Zixuan says, and he sounds exactly as pained by that as he should, before he shakes his head. “And the mourning period is over.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” Jiang Cheng gives back and startles when Jin Zixuan puts his hand on his arm.

Not really holding onto him, but seeking contact nonetheless and Jiang Cheng is helpless against it. He sways into the contact, a move Jin Zixuan clearly notices because a small smile grazes his lips.

Jiang Cheng itches to kiss it off.

“Doesn’t it?” Jin Zixuan asks and Jiang Cheng raises his head as he pushes his shoulders back.

“No,” he bites out but Jin Zixuan doesn’t let go of him.

“Do you really think Yanli would begrudge us this? Do you really think she wouldn’t want us to be happy?” he asks and Jiang Cheng jerks with his words.

“Who says you make me happy?” he shoots back and his stomach falls when pain flashes over Jin Zixuan’s face.

He hesitates for a moment, but when Jiang Cheng doesn’t move or say anything else, he slowly pulls back.

And Jiang Cheng, he can’t let that happen.

His hands shoot up on instinct, fisting in Jin Zixuan’s robes, which are more purple than gold at this point, and he stops Jin Zixuan in his movement.

Jiang Cheng can’t quite meet Jin Zixuan’s eyes, but he has wondered the same lately. If Jiang Yanli would really be mad at them for finding happiness again. For finding happiness with each other.

Jiang Cheng can’t be sure, but he likes to think that she would want this for them. That she would be happy. And if Jin Zixuan thinks the same—

Before Jiang Cheng can overthink this, he leans forward, pressing his lips to Jin Zixuan’s, who meets him without hesitation.

Jiang Cheng was drunk the last—only—time they did this, but he isn’t now. Now, he gets to enjoy this.

“You make me very happy, Wanyin,” Jin Zixuan mumbles against his lips when they finally part, and Jiang Cheng wonders when Jin Zixuan turned into the more brave, into the more suave of the two of them, but then he tilts his head again and all thoughts flee his head.

Jin Zixuan makes him very happy, too.

~*~*~

Jiang Cheng hasn’t even entered their rooms completely yet when Jin Zixuan slams a letter down on the table.

“My father died,” Jin Zixuan announces and the good mood leaves Jiang Cheng just as quickly as his stomach drops to the floor.

They didn’t even get two years, is all Jiang Cheng can think, as he sinks to the floor opposite of Jin Zixuan.

“I see,” Jiang Cheng whispers, and pushes the letter away from him.

He can guess what it says. Jin Zixuan is the heir after all.

He will leave, and he will take Jin Ling with him, and he might as well reach into Jiang Cheng’s chest and take his heart, too. It’s not like there will be much left of it, after all.

“You don’t,” Jin Zixuan says with a little shake of his head, and then leans over the table to drag Jiang Cheng into a biting kiss.

Jiang Cheng imagines this is what goodbye tastes like and he has to blink furiously so that the tears won’t cloud his gaze.

“I’m not going back,” Jin Zixuan says when they finally part and Jiang Cheng’s breath hitches at that, his hands coming up to frame Jin Zixuan’s face.

“Do not lie to me, only to leave in the end,” he demands, but Jin Zixuan shakes his head and then presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng’s palm for good measure too.

“I’m not,” he reassures him. “Did you forget that my mother likes you? Maybe even more than I do,” Jin Zixuan teases him, and it’s familiar enough to bring a small smile to Jiang Cheng’s face. “She’s going to be acting Sect Leader,” Jin Zixuan tells him as he leans close again to brush his nose against Jiang Cheng’s cheek. “And she wants us to marry.”

Jiang Cheng freezes in surprise at those words.

“She what?” he dumbly asks, because this is something Jiang Cheng never allowed himself to think of, to hope for.

Jin Zixuan wore red once already, and surely Jiang Cheng couldn’t get so lucky as to see him in it again.

“The date is set,” Jin Zixuan says with a shrug. “She doesn’t give us much choice. Really, it was more a statement of facts than her voicing a wish. You know she adores you, I wonder how you can still have doubts about that.”

“Zixuan,” Jiang Cheng says, because he doesn’t appreciate it if Jin Zixuan is just joking around right now.

“If you would have read the letter you knew,” Jin Zixuan says, his amusement clear in his voice and Jiang Cheng can’t help himself, he simply has to lean in and capture Jin Zixuan’s lips again.

His fiance’s lips, if Jin Zixuan is speaking the truth.

“Jin Ling is going to love this,” Jiang Cheng says when they part and Jin Zixuan makes an unhappy face at him.

“I would prefer it if you loved it,” he pouts and Jiang Cheng gives him a brilliant smile.

“Isn’t it enough that I love you?” he asks and when Jin Zixuan splutters like he always does when Jiang Cheng so freely expresses his affection, Jiang Cheng knows that they will be alright.

More than that even.

~*~*~

Wei Wuxian has to admit that he kind of enjoys showing the little brat just what his talismans can do. It’s fun to see him on the floor and struggling to get free.

“You just wait until my a-die and baba show up,” the brat says, once he exhausted himself and Wei Wuxian frowns at that.

“Your a-die and baba?” he parrots but before the brat can answer him, there’s a rustling in the underbrush next to them and Wei Wuxian takes a cautious step back.

“Jin Ling,” a new voice says and Wei Wuxian watches as the sour face on the brat’s face is overtaken with a smile.

Wait a minute, Jin Ling? Jin Rulan? Could it really be, Wei Wuxian wonders, but then Jin Zixuan is already stepping forwards and it’s really him.

Even though Wei Wuxian has to do a double take when he sees him dressed in all purple.

“Jin Zixuan?” Wei Wuxian blurts out, and then—because he can’t help himself—he adds, “Didn’t Wen Ning kill you?”

As soon as the words leave his mouth he slaps a hand over his mouth, but it’s already too late and the damage is done, Wei Wuxian can see that in the narrowing of Jin Zixuan’s eyes.

“Wei Wuxian?” he asks, suspicion clear in his voice and Wei Wuxian winces.

To think that he would blow his cover this soon.

“Haha, in the flesh,” he says with a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his head, and he totally doesn’t squirm under Jin Zixuan’s searching gaze.

“Not quite in the flesh, huh,” Jin Zixuan mumbles and then destroys the talisman on Jin Ling’s back. “You know, I didn’t appreciate it when your Ghost General put a hole through my stomach,” Jin Zixuan then says conversationally and before Wei Wuxian can say anything to that, purple lightning fills the forest.

Wei Wuxian shivers, phantom pains already running down his back, and he takes a step back.

“You know, I didn’t appreciate it either when your Ghost General put a hole through my husband’s stomach,” a new voice says and when Jiang Cheng steps up next to Jin Zixuan Wei Wuxian’s mind goes blank.

He blinks in confusion several times, but the picture still doesn’t make any more sense than before.

“I think you broke him,” Jin Zixuan whispers to Jiang Cheng who gives Jin Zixuan a sweet smile—and that is something Wei Wuxian can’t even begin to process—and then he holds his hand out for Jin Ling.

“A-Ling, come here,” Jiang Cheng says and Jin Ling is up and next to Jiang Cheng in an instant.

“A-die and baba?” Wei Wuxian whispers, his mind still reeling with the new revelations, and he’s almost relieved when someone else interrupts the scene.

“Zixuan, are you angering my A-Cheng again?” a woman’s voice suddenly calls out and Wei Wuxian can do nothing but stare in helpless confusion as Jin Zixuan groans while Jin Ling snickers.

“A-niang, seriously, you could think Wanyin is your son,” Jin Zixuan complaints just as Madam Jin comes to a halt next to them.

“Thankfully he is now,” Madam Jin gives back with a smile as she pats Jiang Cheng’s cheek, and Wei Wuxian has to watch as his brother just lets it happen.

Without blushing even, which means this must be a regular occurrence.

“It’s not him who made me angry,” Jiang Cheng reassures her and Madam Jin’s eyes fall on Wei Wuxian.

“Oh?” she says and Wei Wuxian falls into a sloppy bow.

“Madam Jin,” he greets her only to startle when Zidian crackles again.

“That’s Sect Leader Jin to you,” Jiang Cheng snaps, just as Jin Ling chuckles.

“What. The fuck,” Wei Wuxian whispers and when three voices snap “Language” at him, he wonders just what the hell he stumbled into this time.

{Buy me a kofi}

#bt writes #the untamed #mdzs #commission #chengxuan #canon divergence #jyl dies like she does in canon #but jc and jzx find happiness again #hurt/comfort #fluff #angst

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ruensroad · 4 years

Text

if wishes were fishes - a ZhanCheng AU

Chapter One

Can also be read on AO3 here!

Once, five years ago, he had been accused of seeing things far out of the righteous perspective. That his mind had been clouded, fisheyed and narrow to all things good and just and right.

And while he couldn’t speak one way or the other about that even now, he had to admit the fisheye comment had been a bit off the mark.

“I’m so, so sorry Hanguang-jun!” poor A-Yuan kept saying, as he had since he’d first picked up the shining fish amulet. Lan Wangji had never been good with words, but in his current state he couldn’t summon up even one, and he was at a loss on how to comfort the boy he had come to treasure like a son.

Thankfully, they weren't alone, and though A-Yi was brash and stubborn, he had just as good a heart as the best of them and patted A-Yuan’s back in reassurance. “You didn’t know, A-Yuan!” he defended and Lan Wangji had never been more relieved of their friendship. “That slimy toad tricked you!”

A-Yuan sniffled, the tears too big on his face as he looked down into the basket, which had thankfully been placed in the water. It’d been the best they could do and if his lips weren’t a gaping fish mouth, he’d praise them both for their quick thinking.

But he was a fish, silver and white and blue, a carp with flowing fins and a long body. He could feel the animal’s instincts to swim strongly and fought against them, staying quiet in the small basket so as not to worry the boys. His depth of vision was astounding, which he was thankful for, and he could see in all colors, even those his human eyes could not. It was breathtaking, really, a small comfort in the madness his day had turned into.

He’d just known coming to the Conference in Yunmeng had been an inauspicious idea.

You’ve done well, he thought hard at A-Yuan, and nodded his head in the water. Thankfully, A-Yuan seemed to understand and smiled a bit, sniffling into his sleeve. It was a habit Lan Wangji had been trying to gently curb, but right now he could see it for the comfort it was and all of his heart ached.

“I got it! I got it!”

They all turned to see the young heir of Koi Tower (the irony was not lost on him) hurry over with a clay pot that was nearly as big as he was. Lan Wangji was more than a little impressed with the six year old’s ability to carry it by himself, even if the rest of him wanted to remind him not to run with breakable objects. He had a feeling he’d have been ignored in this situation.

“Yes!” A-Yi cheered and helped Jin Ling set down the pot on the bank of the lotus lake. Lan Wangji knew the boys had never interacted before this Conference, but already they seemed thick as thieves, working together to dip the pot into the water to fill it, then carry it back up the bank.

“We need handles,” A-Yi panted, looking around for anything to use. “We can’t drop Hanguang-jun!”

“Jiujiu knows how to make handle knots,” Jin Ling offered when they couldn’t find much but lakeweed. Lan Wangji immediately winced and to his dismay the boys seemed to agree that calling for the Sect Leader of Yunmeng was a smart option. He was torn between pride at their sense of self, that they recognized they needed an adult and further aid - and mortification, because of all people to lean on, he’d rather cut off his own foot with Bichen then be helped by Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng, who’d probably laugh himself to stitches seeing his predicament. The man had made no effort to hide his dislike for him, which was a relief, because it meant Lan Wangji didn’t have to hide his own dislike right back. He could count only a handful of times they’d been almost cordial with one another, and none of those times were recent. Too much had happened since, too many bridges broken between them.

And now, it seemed, Jiang Cheng was to help. If he’d been a man made to laugh, he would have, fish lips and all, but it was a fleeting thought. If he could praise the boys for their knowing when they needed help, he could be humble enough to admit the same. As much as he hated the thought of Jiang Cheng knowing, it was logically only a matter of time before he did anyway. He had to get back to the conference, to his brother and uncle, and three boys carrying a pot too heavy for them with a fish inside was going to attract notice. At least with Jiang Cheng glowering at everyone, they had a good chance of getting there quickly.

He sighed to himself and made sure to nod at the boys when they looked at him with hopeful faces. It was all Jin Ling needed and he was off like a shot to track down his uncle.

That left A-Yuan and A-Yin in charge of helping him into the pot. For a moment, they tried lifting him, and he did his best to stay perfectly still, but he was slick and their hands too small, and he ended up toppling back into the basket. So, they tried simply dragging the basket close to the pot for him to jump into, which went much more smoothly, and once again he was proud of their ingenuity.

The feeling was quick to leave, however, when the footsteps came. Thunderous, purposeful, only one man had the ability to cut through every moment like a lightning bolt striking a tree, and this time was no different. With his trademark scowl on, Jiang Cheng was an imposing figure, and looked intensely irritated. Lan Wangji could admit he didn’t know the man well enough to know if that irritation was real, or if it was just the man’s mask of confusion, or some other feeling. The old maxum of frowns becoming rooted permanently into faces had proven true with the man. Lan Wangji had only seen him smile twice throughout the entire Conference, and only when he thought he was alone with Jin Ling. They were private things, not meant for anyone else, and Lan Wangji had felt almost guilty to witness it.

That guilt was far gone now. A-Yuan looked a tad fearful and if he’d had his body, he would have stepped between them. That didn’t stop him from sticking his head out of the water and glaring back as best he could with a cockeyed fish face. Jiang Cheng only looked disgusted.

“How the f- how did this happen?” was all he said, looking at the boys. Lan Wangji was almost surprised at his effort not to curse at them, though that didn’t stop his fishy glaring. “And when?”

“Just a little while ago, Sect Leader Jiang,” A-Yuan said immediately. “In the market. One of the vendors was selling amulets and I touched one. The next thing…” He sniffled and gestured to the pot, crestfallen and guilty. Lan Wangji turned to face him as a sign of comfort and blew bubbles in the water, which made the boy smile a bit. Success.

“Amulet?” The frown on Jiang Cheng’s face darkened considerably, his sharp eyes flicking over to the market. “Who?”

“He disappeared!” A-Yi exclaimed, throwing his hands out wide as though it would help explain better. “Just poof!”

Jiang Cheng looked torn between yelling and sighing, which ultimately won out. “And the amulet?”

“It’s here,” A-Yuan lifted it from where he’s put it on his neck for safe keeping. He’d needed both hands to try to get a flopping fish into the basket and into water. Not the best solution, but the boy was only seven and Lan Wangji was proud all the same.

But even that pride gave way to panic when the amulet glowed, refusing to let the boy take it off. The tears were quick to come back to A-Yuan’s eyes as he pulled and tugged to no avail. The amulet refused to rise over his chin. “S-Sect Leader!”

“Hey, breathe.” Jiang Cheng was not what anyone could call a gentle person, and even now his tone was a little too sharp for Lan Wangji’s liking. He turned in the pot to glare, but was startled to watch the man kneel down and catch A-Yuan’s hands, stopping the boy from hurting himself with the pulling. “Is it hurting you?” he demanded, confident and clear, and when A-Yuan shook his head, he carefully forced the boy to let go of the amulet by pulling his fingers free of the fish. “Then leave it for now. Let’s get to Zewu-jun, he’ll know what to do.”

“Okay,” A-Yuan was still trembling, but seeing Jiang Cheng so calm had him trying to be brave. Lan Wangji was startled to see the effect on all three of the boys, not just A-Yuan. They were all standing a little straighter, a little more serious, like tiny soldiers about to go to war, instead of just moving a pot with a fish.

“A-Ling, you and your friends go and find me a good long rope, the kind we use on the boats.” it was a simple request but it shot through them like lightning, and they all hurried off into the market. Which, unfortunately, left Lan Wangji alone.

He braced himself for the laughing, or the lecture. He glared in a preemptive strike to combat whatever Jiang Cheng would throw at him, but all he got was a long suffering sigh and the man rubbing a hand down his face after a beat of simply glaring back. “How the fuck is this my life?”

For once, Lan Wangji could agree.

#ruenwrites #zhancheng #jiang cheng #lan wangji #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi

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somuchnonsense · 4 years

Text

October Drabbles 17-20

More drabbles

17. Insects (pre-canon baby Yunmeng trio gen)

Wei Wuxian laughs the first time Jiang Cheng yelps as an insect bites him, and the second and the third and fourth, but he stops on the fifth one when Jiang Cheng bursts into tears. Jiang Yanli pats him on the shoulder and says, “A-Cheng,” half comforting and half weary; Jiang Cheng is eight years old, too old to be crying over a silly thing like insect bites.

“They’re just bugs,” Wei Wuxian says dismissively, but he pats Jiang Cheng’s other shoulder all the same. “What kind of man will you be if you can’t handle a little pain?”

“Why do they keep biting me?” Jiang Cheng continues crying, unmollified. “They’re not bothering you.”

“They are.” Wei Wuxian slaps at his neck with the hand that’s not resting on Jiang Cheng’s shoulder. “I’m just tougher.” Before Jiang Cheng can argue, he quickly adds, “And they don’t like me as much as you.”

“Maybe A-Cheng is sweeter,” Jiang Yanli teases. She’s rubbing Jiang Cheng’s back now as the pace of his tears starts to slow.

“You don’t think I’m sweet, shijie?” Wei Wuxian pouts exaggeratedly, making Jiang Yanli roll her eyes.

“I suppose.” Her eyes twinkle. “Maybe it’s all that spice you eat that drives them away.”

“All right, then. Jiang Cheng, you have two choices: learn to deal with pain or eat as much pepper as I do. What do you say? You think you can handle either one?”

“Both!” Jiang Cheng’s upset is forgotten in the face of Wei Wuxian’s challenge and his desire to never let the older boy surpass in anything. “Of course I can do both!”

Wei Wuxian laughs fondly. “Let’s go home, then, and get started.”

18. Fireplace (canon LWJ post-seclusion feelings)

The nights are often cold in Cloud Recesses, particularly in winter. It never used to bother Lan Wangji, but lately the chill seems to seep into his bones and set the scars on his back aching. Perhaps he’s getting old, he thinks, but that’s silly when he’s barely past twenty and a cultivator of his caliber can live for a good long time. Perhaps it’s only that he’s tired, in a deeper-than-physical way. He’s nearly half a year out of seclusion but still getting used to returning to society, still adjusting to a world that hasn’t really changed while he has.

“I worry that you’re lonely,” his brother said to him not long ago, but that’s foolish too. He sees his brother and his uncle and little Sizhui and other Lan disciples regularly. That’s no less company than he had before his seclusion—more, really, with Sizhui always happy to see him, his smile bright and undisturbed by the horrors of his past.

But that doesn’t explain why, on those cold nights, Lan Wangji sits in front of the fire in a room that is no more or less quiet than it has always been and feels the cold and the silence more intensely than he ever did before. He wraps a blanket around his shoulders and determinedly doesn’t think of a smiling face and sparkling eyes, of a cheerful voice he didn’t realize just how badly he would miss until he could never hear it again. He never really had Wei Wuxian at his side, after all, so nothing has changed.

19. Praise (post-canon Wangxian fluff)

Lan Wangji is not naturally effusive with praise, but he loves Wei Wuxian deeply and genuinely thinks he’s an amazing person, so why wouldn’t he praise him? Wei Wuxian’s view of himself doesn’t match how Lan Wangji sees him, confident in his intelligence but not in his worth as a person. He should hear, until he really believes it, that he’s a wonderful person, that Lan Wangji’s life is better with him in it, that anyone would be lucky to know him, that he matters and deserves to be happy.

Besides, he loves the way Wei Wuxian reacts when Lan Wangji praises him and expresses his affection in plain terms. He gets so flustered, laughing this slightly panicked laugh and squirming as though he physically can’t deal with how much Lan Wangji loves him, or at least not with hearing it put into words. He’ll try to brush it off with jokes or with pleas of “Warn me before you say something like that, Lan Zhan!” but Lan Wangji only ever looks steadily back at him, refusing to take it back, communicating with his gaze that he meant every single word.

“You’re too kind to me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian says once, more quietly, when they’re curled up in bed together, after he’s done his usual nervous flailing.

“No,” Lan Wangji responds in a steady, certain voice. “I’m exactly as kind as you deserve.”

Red rises high in Wei Wuxian’s cheeks and he looks back at Lan Wangji with a mix of uncertain gratitude and so much love. Lan Wangji expects him to argue, but for once, Wei Wuxian only curls into his chest, accepting, at least this time, the truth of what Lan Wangji sees in him.

20. Dogs (pre-/during/post-canon WWX gen)

(1) “It’s mine!” Wei Wuxian cries, his voice going high with desperation. He’s so hungry and it’s only a scrap of food, a piece of a steamed bun thrown away by someone who can afford to be wasteful, but it will keep him going for a little longer, give him time to find something else to keep him going for a little longer than that.

The dog growls and bares its teeth and Wei Wuxian panics, throwing his find into the dog’s face. He’s been bitten before, and he’s not hungry enough yet to risk that happening again. He runs away as fast as he can, not daring to look back to see if the terrifying beast is following him.

As he curls up that night, cold and hungry and frustrated, Wei Wuxian thinks of the dog’s ferocious expression and struggles to convince himself that he can try again tomorrow, that somehow it will be all right.

(2) Wei Wuxian half hides behind the man who said to call him Uncle Jiang, though he’s little better than a stranger, as he walks into Lotus Pier. His uncertain hope gives way to fear as he sees another little boy in the yard, surrounded by dogs. His high-pitched yelps are punctuated by laughter as he plays with them, but Wei Wuxian only sees danger. Uncle Jiang said he would be safe here, but clearly he isn’t.

He moves to hide fully behind Uncle Jiang’s legs and starts to cry, overwhelmed by fear and disappointment at realizing that this place won’t be a refuge for him after all. Once he manages to explain through his tears what’s wrong, Uncle Jiang says, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. The dogs will be gone soon. Nothing can hurt you here.”

The other boy looks at him curiously, his hand on the head of one of the dogs, and Wei Wuxian can see that he’s not hurt, but his instincts, honed by his time on the streets, still scream “Danger! Danger!” He desperately hopes that Uncle Jiang really will keep him safe, that he really will be all right here.

(3) If he wasn’t so busy panicking, Wei Wuxian would be embarrassed about how he reacts when Fairy comes runnning. He likes to think of himself as fearless, and likes other people to see him that way, but there are, unfortunately, things he’s afraid of. He’s a long way from that scared little boy on the streets, but he can’t let go of those old, deeply ingrained fears.

But Lan Wangji doesn’t judge him, though he clearly doesn’t understand. He only asks why, and somehow Wei Wuxian trusts him enough to tell the truth. And once he does, Lan Wangji lets him cling in fear, lets Wei Wuxian hide behind his shoulder or his sleeve, lets Wei Wuxian be afraid without trying to talk him out of it, however irrational his fears.

Later, Wei Wuxian learns that Lan Wangji was also once a lost little boy, in his own distinct way, and he thinks that maybe that’s why he understands that the painful lessons learned in childhood are not easily shrugged off. (Even later, he learns how much Lan Wangji loves him and realizes that that’s probably the reason Lan Wangji accepted him, fears and all.)

(4) “Fairy, stay back!” Jin Ling calls. He rolls his eyes a little to show that he thinks Wei Wuxian’s fear is silly but he’ll humor it. The dog sits down some ten paces from Wei Wuxian, which isn’t nearly enough to make him feel okay about it, but at least Jin Ling is between him and the dog.

“Fairy’s a good dog, you know. A special dog. There’s no reason to be afraid.” Jin Ling’s tone is still a little mocking, but more gentle than Wei Wuxian could have imagined him being a few months ago—more gentle than Jiang Cheng ever was to him.

He can see, if he looks, that Fairy doesn’t look anything like those vicious dogs that loom large in his memory, tongue lolling out and tail occasionally wagging, and healthy, with no need to fight anyone for food. He thinks, maybe, that if he keeps meeting Jin Ling, one day he’ll be able to believe that he can be safe around Fairy, and maybe even around other dogs, but not yet. “You keep your ferocious hellbeast to yourself.”

Jin Ling scoffs and shakes his head, but there’s a fondness in his eyes. “If you insist. But you’ll learn to love him someday.”

For his nephew, and also for himself, Wei Wuxian is willing to try. “I just might.”

#mo dao zu shi #mdzs #cql #the untamed #mdzsart #cql fanfic #the untamed fic #mine #fic #wei wuxuan #lan wangji #jiang yanli #jiang cheng #jin ling #yunmeng trio #wangxian #flufftober

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alessandriana · 4 years

Text

For @missximagination! This may or may not be precisely what you wanted, haha. I got shoved under an unexpected truckload of feels when I started thinking about Jin Ling having to go back and forth between the Jin and the Jiang all the time, and added in the mix was also this absolutely gorgeous art by @yutaan, and-- yeah. So this is mostly a large dose of Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling feels, with some added JGY & JC interaction.

***

Jin Ling was bawling by the time Jiang Cheng crossed the border between Yunmeng and Lanling. Jiang Cheng was halfway to doing the same, though it manifested mostly as a fierce scowl that made his face ache and only got worse as the ridiculous excess that was Carp Tower came into view on the horizon.

"I don't wanna," Jin Ling sobbed, face red and miserable where it was pressed into Jiang Cheng's shoulder. At six years old, he was old enough to know what was happening and too young to understand why. "I want to go home, I want to go swimming and play with the fishes and--" he hiccuped, "and I don't like it there, no one likes me, I wanna stay with you, jiujiu."

Okay, fuck. Jiang Cheng's arms tightened around Jin Ling and he descended abruptly out of the air to land in someone's field. Grass rose knee-high, nearly swallowing Jin Ling entirely as Jiang Cheng set him down and he flopped onto his stomach to cry into the dirt. Jiang Cheng crouched down in front of him, then sat down in the dirt himself, ignoring what it would do to his clothing and the way Jin Guangyao would very politely refrain from commenting on it while the rest of his retinue giggled behind their hands.

"Hey, hey, A-Ling," he said, putting a hand on Jin Ling's back, and then wincing as Jin Ling flinched away. "I'm sorry. I know you want to stay at Lotus Pier-- I want you to stay at Lotus Pier--" god, did he-- "but I don't have a choice."

Jin Ling lifted his face, smeared with tears, and said, "Don't you want me?"

Fuck! Jiang Cheng reached out and gathered Jin Ling into his lap until Jin Ling finally turned and wrapped his arms tightly around his jiujiu's neck. Jiang Cheng buried his face against Jin Ling's hair and closed his eyes against the hot press of tears. His jaw felt like it was going to crack, he was clenching it so hard. "I want you a lot, A-Ling," he managed. "You have no idea how much."

The compromise he had made with Lanling Jin had been simple. By all rights, A-Ling belonged with his father's side of the family. They could have shut him up in Carp Tower and only allowed Jiang Cheng to visit once a year, had they been so inclined. But Jin Guangshan had seen an opportunity in the depths of Jiang Cheng's grief, and he'd offered a deal: Jin Ling would spend six months of the year in Yunmeng, and six months of the year in Lanling. In exchange, Jiang Cheng had promised to make Jin Ling his heir, and neither marry nor sire any children of his own.

It was a nearly ruinous deal. If Jin Ling inherited, Lanling Jin would gain significant control over the Jiang. They would lose their independence, becoming little more than another subordinate sect-- albeit a wealthy one. Jiang Cheng's mother would have called him a sentimental fool for even contemplating it.

Faced with losing the only remaining member of his family, Jiang Cheng had taken the deal in a heartbeat.

Jin Ling, of course, being six years old, was aware of none of this. All he knew was that every six months like clockwork, Jiang Cheng dropped him off at Carp Tower and didn't look back.

Jiang Cheng rubbed Jin Ling's back and let him cry until he'd exhausted himself. They were going to be late, but that didn't matter. Jiang Cheng's head was pounding with the effort of not giving into his own emotions.

Once Jin Ling's crying had tapered off except for the occasional wet sniffle, Jiang Cheng took out a handkerchief and began methodically wiping off his face until it was clean again. The mud on both their clothes mostly came off with some brushing and a quick spell A-Jie had taught him, though there wasn't much he could do about the wrinkles. It would do.

Then Jiang Cheng lifted Jin Ling into his arms, pulled out Sandu, and lifted back into the air.

Jin Guangyao was waiting for them at the top of the staircase at Carp Tower, as always. The ladies who were in charge of taking care of Jin Ling at Lanling-- Jin Guangyao himself did not, of course, take care of children on his own-- were standing behind him; they bowed with utmost respect, but Jiang Cheng could see the covert glances they were throwing at his clothing.

"Jiang-zongzhu," Jin Guangyao said, ever-polite. "I'm so glad you made it safely. I trust your trip was uneventful?"

"Jin-zongzhu," Jiang Cheng greeted in return. He'd managed to reduce his scowl to something more neutral, though the effort had been considerable. It would do neither of them any good for him to appear visibly distressed-- Jin Guangyao might be less of an outright bastard than his father, but he would have no compunctions about using it to wring more concessions out of the Jiang. "It was fine. My apologies for being late. The weather was good, so we stopped to look at some animals A-Ling wanted to see."

Well, Jin Ling had probably seen some bugs when he'd had his face in the dirt, anyways.

"It's no trouble, I assure you. I'm sure he enjoyed that. Clearly he's very tired out!" Jin Guangyao smiled at where Jin Ling was practically passed out in Jiang Cheng's arms.

That was Jiang Cheng's cue; he lifted Jin Ling off his shoulder. One of the ladies stepped forward, as if to take him, but Jiang Cheng set Jin Ling on his feet instead and knelt down in front of him with a hand under his arm until he was awake enough to support himself.

"A-Ling, it's time for me to go," Jiang Cheng said seriously. "Are you going to be good for your xiao-shushu?"

Jin Ling rubbed his eyes with the back of his wrist, yawning. He looked back and forth between Jiang Cheng and Jin Guangyao. For a moment Jiang Cheng thought he was going to start crying again, but then he just nodded, downcast.

"A-Ling," Jin Guangyao said, as he bent down as well and reached into his sleeve to pull something out, "do you want to see what I brought you?" It was a shining metal carp, enameled in orange and yellow, with articulated joints that caused it to wiggle like a real fish when you moved it. Jin Ling's eyes brightened and he reached for it with grasping hands, completely and utterly distracted.

"Say thank you to your uncle first," Jiang Cheng snapped. On the one hand, he was more than a little aggravated by Jin Guangyao's obvious attempt at bribing his way into Jin Ling's affections-- it was not the first time, and Jin Ling was starting to show signs of being spoiled. On the other hand, if it took that sad look off his face, Jiang Cheng would have bought a hundred more fish just like it.

Jin Ling dropped into a credible bow, and said, "Thank you, xiao-shushu."

"You're very welcome, A-Ling." Jin Guangyao handed over the fish, and Jin Ling started waving it around, delighted.

Jiang Cheng stood, hoping to get away while Jin Ling wasn't paying attention. Jin Guangyao rose as well, and walked with Jiang Cheng a few feet towards the stairs. "You're more than welcome to stay for dinner, or even a few days," he said. "We'd be happy to have you. Jin Ling could show you the new training field we put in in the south wing for him; the training master is going to start him learning how to shoot this time, I understand."

The last time Jiang Cheng had taken him up on that offer, Jiang Cheng had left having agreed to lower the tariffs they charged Lanling by five percent in exchange for having Jin Ling come home during the Spring Festival. So. Better to get out now, before he truly bargained away the rest of the Jiang Sect. "I appreciate your kind offer," he said, and with a tiny bit of malicious gladness added, "Actually, I started teaching him how to use a bow earlier this year. But I'm sure he'll benefit from Lanling Jin's expert instruction as well."

Jin Guangyao's pleasant expression flickered, then returned. He said, "How wonderful! I'm sure he could have no better teacher than yourself. Jiang-zongzhu is well known to be the best archer in Yunmeng."

A muscle in Jiang Cheng's jaw jumped as he read the unspoken coda: now that Wei Wuxian is dead. But there was no way to tell if that jab had been intentional or not. "You're too kind." He added, "I'll take my leave now."

"Jiujiu!"

Jiang Cheng turned, and caught Jin Ling just as he flung himself at Jiang Cheng, that stupid fish still clutched in his grubby hands. They clung to each other, and for a minute Jiang Cheng let himself not care what their audience thought.

But it couldn't last forever. Finally Jiang Cheng had to peel himself away. "Hey, A-Ling, no crying in public," he said, roughly.

Jin Ling sniffled. "Yes, jiujiu," he said, face solemn.

"Good kid." Jiang Cheng stood, ignoring Jin Guangyao, ignoring the stupid retainers who were probably laughing at him. "I'll see you in three months for the Spring Festival," he said. "Then you'll be back in Yunmeng for the summer. Got it?"

"Uh-huh."

And with that Jiang Cheng turned to go, because if he didn't leave right then he was going to start crying in public.

Carp Tower faded behind him.

Someday Jin Ling would grow used to this, to being shuttled between families, to spending half his life in one clan and the rest in another.

Jiang Cheng wasn't certain he ever would.

#the untamed #mdzs #jiang cheng #jin ling #jin guangyao

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scottspack · 4 years

Text

My Wife Has An 18 Hour Drive Fic Rec Roundup

I wanted to make a fic rec post for the insane amount of Untamed fic ive been reading anyways, and Chi @got2ghost is driving halfway across the country tomorrow, so there’s no time like the present to put all of the really great fics ive read over the past couple of weeks in one location! Let’s get it poppin!

Ones That Chi Already Read:

A Lot of Edges Called Perhaps by hansbekhart (Wangxian, E, 21k)

The funny part is - and it is a little funny, even if Wei Wuxian has no one left to share the joke with - they never have. Not anything. He has never kissed any part of Lan Zhan besides his slim hands; never been even partially undressed with him anywhere besides a miserable, xuanwu-infested cave. It’s always been like this between them, this simmering need, this desperate understanding: a knowledge so deep that it lives somewhere in his bones, that if he wanted to have Lan Zhan he could have him, and if Lan Zhan wanted Wei Wuxian he could have that too. But they never have.

I found this fic on someone’s blog when they said that it was the definitive fic to read directly after finishing the series so i saved it, read it directly after finishing the series, and felt completely and wholly fulfilled by the resolution found in this fic. 10/10 cant recommend enough.

One Rouge Spark In My Direction by hansbekhart (Lan Wangji/Xiao Xingchen/Song Lan E, 5k)

He’d thought, in Yueyang, that they’d seen something in each other, something familiar. That maybe they’d recognized something in him. But it’s been many years, and many things have happened since, and he’s guessed wrongly at other people’s hearts before. Lan Wangji looks back down at the table, at his steaming, bitter tea. He’ll beg if he has to.

In “A Lot Of Edges Called Perhaps” Wangji mentions that he has had sex before and this is the in-universe story of that time and WHEW BABY!!!! AHHHHHH!!!

Gathered Herbs & Sweet Grasses by hansbekhart (Laz Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

Later, when he’s older, it’s this that A-Yuan will remember most: the stretch of silence, the two of them both dirty and shaking with fever, as he looked at Brother Rich, and Brother Rich looked back at him.

This is a fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui from when he brings him back from the Burial Mounds until they bring Wuxian back to Cloud Recesses after he’s resurrected. It made me cry about 18 times and I consider it fully canon in relation to the show. I reread this fic at LEAST once a week. *chefs kiss*

Seldom All They Seem by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 25k)

or, one hundred and thirty-three principles of the Gusu Lan, pertaining to the state of marriage

***

He bows to Wei Wuxian, sword in hand, sleeves falling properly. Wei Wuxian bows in return, and the sect leaders begin the opening courtesies, and for all of ten minutes Lan Wangji is under the impression that he is betrothed to a boy who is perfectly normal and acceptable apart from an unfortunate tendency to fidget with his clothes.

That impression does not last.

A canon-divergent fic exploring “what if Wangji and Wuxian were betrothed from when they were young like Yanli and the peacock?” It’s extremely good and very compelling and also made me cry multiple times. (The confrontation in the rain doesn’t get any easier even if they’re betrothed!)

Half Cloak & Half Dagger by Fahye (Lan Xichen/Meng Yao, E, 13k)

Jin Guangyao lifts his head and smiles. "I'm considering a problem."

"Can I be of any assistance with it?"

He drops a kiss on Lan Xichen's chest. With the nail of one finger he lightly traces the characters for irony on Lan Xichen's side. "Not this one, er-ge."

In the “Seldom All They Seem” universe but focused on xiyao. Has hands down the best written characterization of meng yao in any fic ive read so far. I continuously come back to this fic just to read the absolutely genius way this author writes the Head Bitch In Control of the cultivation world.

Hurricane by gdgdbaby (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"Haven't you heard?" Nie Huaisang replied, clicking his tongue, though he was clearly pleased that he could be the one to break the news. He leaned in to announce with a dramatic flourish: "Lan Wangji just took emergency family leave this past weekend."

WANGXIAN AS SPIRK STAR TREK PON FAR AU!!!!!!!!!!!!! WEEWOO WEEWOO WEEWOO!!!!!!!! This was actually recced to ME by CHI and I have not stopped thinking about this fic for a full month. It’s like author gdgdbaby sat down one day and was like “Tumblr user Liv Scottspack deserves everything she wants in this life.” and then wrote this fic. Thank you author gdgdbaby, I love you.

Ones That Chi Has Yet To Read:

My Age Has Never Made Me Wise by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 63k)

“We hear that His Excellency might be married by summer’s end,” the merchant’s wife says and Wei Wuxian freezes, his heart in his throat. “The Gusu Lan sect has been buying enough red silk and brocade that the merchants in Caiyi can’t satisfy the demand.”

He feels himself grow brittle inside, like a flick of a finger to his temple might make him shatter. His ears are ringing.

“Who’s the lucky bride?” he asks despite himself. His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth.

Or: The story of a marriage.

I LOVE THIS FIC. The absolute best kind of slow burn and I think such an extremely accurate representation of the canon material. I’m always surprised by the authors in this fandom’s ability to write shit that is so concretely grounded in the universe. This could and should be a real companion novel. Amazing. I love it.

The Year of Drought by idrilka (Wangxian, E, 24k)

Wei Ying could not be contained by the walls of the Cloud Recesses, alive again and overflowing with it, bursting like a dam in spring with the force of two lives unspent. And so he had to go. Lan Wangji understands that—he understood it when Wei Ying told him of his plans, looking at Lan Wangji above the rim of his cup with an apologetic smile, like craving freedom was something to apologize for.

Wei Ying would go, and Lan Wangji would see him off; this has always been the only way it could be.

Or: In the absence of Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji waits.

The previous fic but from Wangji’s perspective. Absolutely required reading if you read the other one. Wangji baby.......i love you.....

A Civil Combpaign by Ariaste (Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui, T, 20k)

“And,” said one of the pompous ministers, “there’s the matter of a marriage to consider as well!”

Jin Ling, who at the beginning of that sentence had expected to slam into the very last wall of his patience and lose his temper entirely, paused. “A what?”

Thing was… it wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jin Ling gets it in his head that as sect leader he should get married and sets his sights on Lan Sizhui. I cannot stress enough how FUCKING CUTE this fic is!!! Sizhui being the best boy! Jin Ling having more uncles than he knows what to do with! Jiang Cheng being the worst at relationship advice! It’s so fucking good it love it so much.

Anyway, Here’s Wuji by kakikaeru (Lan Jingyi/Lan Sizhui, T, 18k)

The melody gets a little clearer when he breaks out of the trees, and Jingyi changes course with certainty, barreling down the back hill and through the Cloud Recesses, dodging scandalized disciples left and right. He throws open the doors to the Receiving Hall without announcement and bows nearly double, eyes on the floor instead of on the shocked faces of the Mei delegation and the impenetrable gaze of the Chief Cultivator.

"Forgive this disciple," Jingyi shouts, because he's going to get punished for rule breaking regardless. "From the back hill, Hanguang-jun, there is a song in the wind!"

Lan Jingyi comes of age.

A Jingyi-central fic about Jingyi growing up and falling in love and being a hero and being the second best boy of my heart right after Sizhui. Not only is this fic sweet and romantic but it’s another one that explores a lot of interesting things within canon and all of the supporting characters are written very well and are just as interesting as second best boy Jingyi.

Ok, JiuJiu by kakikaeru (Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen, T, 16k)

Uncle's jaw works in the way that suggests he's about to say something irredeemable. Jin Ling, in a move of diplomacy he hopes the Chief Cultivator appreciates, distracts him with spicy food and his favourite subject: the incompetence of his own officials.

"I hear the lakes in the south east are having drainage problems?" he asks nonchalantly, sticking three big slices of braised pork belly into his Uncle's bowl.

Jin Ling just wants to get through the Discussion Conference with his Sect, his dignity, and his heart intact.

A follow up fic to “Anyways, Here’s Wuji.” I LOVE the Jin Ling/Ouyang Zizhen dynamic of Jin Ling having been raised by Jiang “I keep all my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die” Cheng being hopelessly charmed and smitten with Ouyang “President of the I Love Love Romance Novel Book Club” Zizhen! I LOVE IT! EXTREMELY CUTE!

This Side of Paradise by greenfionn (Wei Wuxian/Wen Qing, E, 3k)

Wei Wuxian does some very quick math in his head that goes something like this: He is pretty sure he’s in love with Lan Zhan - Lan Zhan is not here and likely never will be here - Wen Qing is here, not to mention very hot and let us not forget, actually interested in sex with him - there’s a solid chance he goes genuinely crazy or dies, or both, in the next few months and really, who wants to die a virgin?

Listen.......the fic premise is “Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing, noted bisexuals, figure life sucks enough at the Burial Mounds, they might as well have any fun they can before they die” and........I Am Looking Directly At It. It features Wen Qing bossing Wei Wuxian around and Wei Wuxian’s canon he-wants-to-be-pregnant kink. It’s........I liked it.

To The Act of Making Noise by words-writ-in-starlight (Lan Sizhui & Lan Wangji, G, 19k)

His father in white plays the song late into the night, and when A-Yuan wakes up confused and afraid, the guqin lulls him back to sleep.

Lan Sizhui hears his father play the same song every night for his whole life, and never, ever get an answer.

Another very moving and heartwarming fic about Lan Wangji raising Sizhui and Sizhui figuring out Wangji’s past and then eventually reconnecting with Wei Wuxian. It’s cute and soft and Sizhui is my best boy!

History (Proud To Call Your Own) by words-writ-in-starlight (Wen Ning, G, 5k)

“A-Yuan? Um—Lan-gongzi,” Wen Ning corrects, trying to set a good example. The children are young, seven and eight, exactly a dozen of them lined up in two crisp lines of tiny blue and white robes. Wen Ning can feel them staring at him, even though most of them have already mastered that Lan trick of neutrality. The smallest, a little girl with liquid dark eyes, is clinging to her nearest shijie’s sleeve and half-hiding. “Can I—what can I do for you?”

Wen Ning gets himself recruited for services, while he and Sizhui are visiting Cloud Recesses. Wei Wuxian gets a fan club.

Set in the same universe as “To The Act of Making Noise,” a very cute fic about Wen Ning finding his place in the post-canon world and being proud of his cousin Sizhui and being the world’s best substitute teacher. As the official Wen Ning Fan Club President, I had to include this.

Lan Sizhui's Guide to Courtship by Kimblydot (Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, T, 23k)

In which Jingyi is a little oblivious, Sizhui is patient (and should have said something in the beginning), and everyone else is resigned to watching them dance around each other for far longer than necessary.

(Or: five things Sizhui tries to do in his courtship, and the one time Jingyi realizes there was one happening in the first place.)

I’ll stop describing fics about the juniors as being “cute” when they stop being SO FUCKING CUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

Grow by cafecliche (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, T, 14k)

“Okay,” Jingyi says, as Sizhui puzzles this out aloud. “Okay! So the demon has been turning its victims into children.”

“I think so,” Sizhui says.

“To make them easier prey,” Jingyi says.

“Yes,” Sizhui says.

“So—” Jingyi’s voice cracks here, “this kid is Senior Wei.”

Wei Wuxian, still tangled in his own massive robes, blinks politely at them.

(Or: Wei Wuxian is cursed on a night-hunt, and the junior quartet rapidly finds themselves in over their heads.)

What I expected to be a goofy, silly fic turned out to be extremely emotional and made me FULLY CRY! It’s a very moving fic about Sizhui coming to understand himself and Wei Wuxian a lot better AND features all of the juniors arguing over who’s turn it is to hold 6 year old Wei Wuxian. A true win/win of a fic.

Your Name, Safe In Their Mouth by astrolesbian (Lan Sizhui & Wei Wuxian, G, 10k)

“You’ve got a fever,” Wei Wuxian says soothingly. “You just keep still as well as you can. We’ll have you fixed up soon.”

Lan Sizhui recognizes his tone—this is the voice that Wei Wuxian uses on hurt people and young children, a very calm and no-nonsense voice that has none of the mischief and cheer of the way he sounds the rest of the time. Lan Sizhui looks up and meets his eyes, and they are dark, stormy gray, muddled and concerned.

“I’m all right,” he croaks.

“Hush,” Wei Wuxian says, in a low croon, like someone quieting a baby. Then he blinks, and looks away, awkward. “I mean—you shouldn’t speak. You’re tired. Rest if you need to.”

or: lan sizhui gets sick on a night hunt. wei wuxian comforts him. they both have a lot of feelings about it.

The Wei Wuxian and Sizhui bonding fic that I so desperately desperately needed to read. Scratched the very particular itch of “but have they REALLY talked about what it means that they’re reunited after 16 years???”

Stainless by Fahye (Wangxian, E, 6k)

"I'm starting to feel," says Lan Xichen, "that this was a counterproductive suggestion."

Wei Wuxian looks down onto the pristine, tranquil cold springs of the Cloud Recesses. Sitting in the water, their bare shoulders rising like dumplings carefully spaced in a steaming-basket, are a large number of Lan disciples.

"They seem to be doing better," he says, encouragingly. "If they--oh, no, I see what you mean."

At the near bank, someone has pressed someone else against the rocks and is kissing them frantically.

It’s smut! What is getting into a new pairing if not an excuse to read sex pollen in new and exciting ways!

Sweet Night by thejillyfish (Wangxian, E, 10k)

It was like coming back to life again, like being restitched into existence, cell by cell, nerve by nerve. From the surface of his skin to the marrow of his bones, everything new and purposeful. Like being pulled back from oblivion into an embrace of pure light. A feeling of absolute asylum.

That’s what it felt like, to realize Lan Wangji was in love with him.

In-show au of “what if they just admitted they’re in love and fucked during episode 43?” Soft and romantic and hot!

Shadows In The Sun Rise by Yuu_chi (Wangxian, E, 25k)

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, voice slow and a pitch too quiet. A second later Wei Wuxian understands why. “I cannot hear.”

Or; Lan Wangji is cursed into internal isolation. Their ability to understand one another remains as unwavering as ever.

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I have been thinking about this fic nonstop since I read it. It is.....fucking incredible. One of the best qualities of wangxian is that they’re so in tune with each other and able to work so cohesively with little communication and this fic is like “what if we take that and DIAL IT UP TO ELEVEN” and i was like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

WHEW OKAY that’s enough for right now!

I’m constantly reading new fics all the time so maybe eventually I’ll make a second one if Chi actually reads/likes any of these (they’re picky!), or if anyone else likes this list and wants updates.

TO CHI: Thank you for getting me into The Untamed! I love you! I had the best time texting you every thought that passed through my head while I watched it. I’ve loved all of the content you’ve sent me from the book and the comic. I’ve loved making fun of Yibo with you. I’ve loved being your fic taste tester. Life sucks right now but at least we have wangxian!

TO EVERYONE ELSE: If you read any of these fics please come to my DMs and talk to me about them! I have a lot of feelings and love to cry over fics! Thank you!

#the untamed #fic #WHEW BABY THIS IS A LOT #i did in fact just spend two full hours making this #i dont regret it at all bc im bad about bookmarking things so im glad this forced me to go back through my ao3 history #and actually make a record of the fics ive read and loved #theres SO MUCH talent in this fandom #just a crazy amount #from the fan artists to the fic writers to the gif makers #i forgot how fun being in a fandom is when the canon is good and the fans are creative!#i said it on my sideblog but this has been the first time ive EVER read fic for a fandom #where i wasnt exclusively reading fics about a certain pairing getting together #i literally just want to read any and everything about this universe #regardless of pairing or rating or whatever else #which is not at all my usual style #shout out to the untamed for being a good fucking show and for having like four other canon adaptions #theres just so much to work with and the fic writers absolutely kill it #ANYWAYS I LOVE YOU CHI #HAVE A SAFE TRIP TOMORROW

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curiosity-killed · 4 years

Text

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

Nerves tumble through him, all delighted energy racing in his veins in place of blood. His robes are new, a surprise from Wen Qing, Granny, and two of the aunties. Ink-dark clouds bloom over rich blue silk the color of the first bruising brush of night, a deep red robe rustling underneath. Running his fingertips down along the neat folds, he bites back a shaking smile. He’s going to meet his nephew. He’s going to see shijie and Jiang Cheng and he’s finally going to meet his first baby nephew. If excitement were an animal, his would be a hundred gilded canaries flocking and whirling behind his ribs. He’s inundated, suffused. Joy is such a vibrant rush that it blots out all else. Under the sun-white glow of it, he can think of little else but the excitement of the day. There is no room for his worries: whether the sects will ever let the Wens go in peace to a new home; how Uncle Four and Granny are going to get through the worst days of winter; what it means that the back of his hip keeps going funny lately, like the threads holding it in place are slowly unraveling. Sliding a small wooden box into his robes over his heart, he steps outside. Wen Qing’s waiting, clearly pretending she’s not by studying the lotus pond like it holds some secret message. By her side, Wen Ning holds a-Yuan on his lap, listening seriously as the boy chatters and waves one of his spinning toys through the air. Wen Qing straightens first. “How do I look?” Wei Wuxian asks with a grin.

Pursing her lips, Wen Qing studies him with a sharp eye and her hands on her hips. “Like a nuisance,” she says and reaches over to tug a strand of hair into place. “Hey!” Wei Wuxian yelps, only a little faked. Wen Qing pulls back to fold her hands at her waist. Her expression goes a little soft, the way it sometimes does when she looks over all of them gathered for dinner in the firelight. Wen Ning has stood and come to stand at her shoulder now, and he manages a tremulous smile. He’s worked hard over this year, to get back his emotions. He can’t blush or cry anymore, but he’s gotten the hang of inflection again, and he can pull up these little smiles. In another year or two, perhaps, he’ll be able to grin and laugh once more. “Behave for your sister,” Wen Qing says and holds out a small pouch of silver, “and pick out something nice for your nephew.” He can’t help the way his smile goes soft and a little sappy. Wen Qing looks skyward as if for patience, but before either can say more, there’s an insistent tug on his skirts. “Xian-gege,” a-Yuan says, frowning like a Yunmeng thunderstorm, “why do you have to go to the baby?” His voice is so petulant, so full of little kid frustration with the wide world. Wei Wuxian fights back a laugh. “Ah, a-Yuan, don’t you want to meet my shijie’s baby?” he asks. “He can be your little cousin a-Ling.” “Don’t want a little cousin,” a-Yuan pouts. “Xian-gege promised older brothers and sisters.” He pauses and tilts his head to look up at Wei Wuxian sideways through his lashes, rubbing his nose with one finger. It is a preposterous expression on a four-year-old face, and Wei Wuxian has to bite his lips to keep in his laughter. “Maybe we can sell him with the radishes?” His voice is so hopeful, the question so absurd — Wei Wuxian lets his laughter peal out of him and swoops down to scoop him up in his arms. His back twinges, briefly, but he ignores it. A-Yuan’s eyes brighten as if he thinks he’s getting his way. “A-Yuan, so cruel!” he scolds, delighted. “How could we sell my very first nephew?” “We could trade him,” a-Yuan suggests solemnly, “and plant a big brother instead.” It’s too cute; too much happiness is flooding him all at once, and Wei Wuxian squeezes him close even as he pinches his cheek. “Ai, truly the son of the dread Yiling laozu,” he teases before leaning in to kiss his cheek. “And so cute!” Shaking her head, Wen Qing tries to stifle a smile, but it’s still there in the corners of her mouth as she reaches out and plucks a-Yuan from his arms. He looks briefly disappointed, but he laughs in surprise when Wei Wuxian chucks his chin gently and ruffles his hair. “Go on,” Wen Qing says, nodding toward the path down the mountain. “You don’t want to be late.” Grinning, Wei Wuxian waves an idle goodbye as he starts down the trail with Wen Ning at his side. Granny and Auntie Three tell him to take care when they pass, and Uncle Six wishes them safe travels as he returns from gathering water. Wei Wuxian could nearly skip all the way to Lanling with the way joy bubbles effervescent in his veins, but he settles for spinning Chenqing between his fingers and humming along to a song he half-remembers from childhood. They’ve left with enough time to fly to and from Lanling twice with rest on either end, but then, Wei Wuxian’s not flying anywhere. Suibian sits propped on a shelf in his cave, where it’s lain since they arrived. He cleans the blade as he has to, out of respect to the spirit that still thrums through it and to the bond he once shared with the sword, but otherwise, he pretends he cannot see it lying there. He doesn’t regret it. There is no world in which he could ever wish he’d made another choice, but—

He’d told Wen Qing he understood the consequences. That he knew the risks and the weight of giving up his golden core. He would forever be mediocre, destined to live out a shorter life and to never fulfill the great dreams he’d had in his adolescence. Such broad declarations could not fathom the painful prick of everyday loss. He no longer reaches for spiritual energy that isn’t there, but sometimes he dreams, and he still knows that familiar river-rush song of power at his center. It still feels right, still feels like the song his soul has known since he was twelve and he felt a seed of something strong and glowing deep within him. He wakes bereft, empty-handed, hollowed. It’s not even the dreams he misses most — those grand heroics were always stories, and his home has been in Lotus Pier alongside his duty for most of his remembered life. It’s the little things, the things he had taken for granted: being able to help when someone was ill or injured, being able to soar up on Suibian and see the tumbling world splayed out before him. He will never regret his choice. If anything, he’s been proven right over and over in how Jiang Cheng has led Yunmeng Jiang through the war and into this new reconstruction. Lotus Pier needed its leader, and Jiang Cheng has always been destined for that mantle. So, no, he will never regret his decision. But, sometimes, he grieves. It’s a selfish sorrow, to lie with his hand flat on his chest in the night-quiet and feel the resounding hollowness echo through him. There’s still spiritual energy lingering in him, enough to power a talisman or a weak spell, but it diminishes day by day, eaten away by the resentment hooking claws into his bones. Guilt does its best to drown the grief. He has no right to feel sorrow for a sacrifice willingly made. If he does not regret the decision, what reason is there for hurt? He should just be able to set it aside and move forward, onward. He tries. It works most days. They stop in Yiling to pick up a token with the money Wen Qing sent, and Wei Wuxian eyes the whole supply, running his fingers along the jade, weighing the heft of them in his palm. It’s only adornment, a small trinket to accompany his real gift, but he wants it to be perfect, too. Outside, Wen Ning waits patiently. He’s dressed in his best as well, neat black robes that don’t mark him as any sect but are carefully pleated and tied. Wei Wuxian grins and holds out the tassel for examination. “What do you think?” he asks. “It is very pretty, Master Wei,” Wen Ning affirms. “Is this your gift for young Jin Rulan?” Wei Wuxian scoffs and reaches into the folds of his robe to pull out the lacquered box. As if he would give his nephew something so small as a tassel and say that was sufficient. He passes the box to Wen Ning, who cradles it in his hands like a bird’s egg. Wei Wuxian waits, trying carefully not to preen, as he lifts the lid to examine the gift. “It’s warded,” he blurts out anyway, because he’s never been very good at bottling up excitement. “Low level ghosts and monsters won’t be able to come near him as long as my nephew wears it.” “I can feel it,” Wen Ning says, his hand hovering carefully away from the beads. The bracelet has taken hours of work and planning, the kind of mental challenge that is at once exhilarating and exhausting; he loves the strain of it, the puzzle in how to determine the right characters and imbue it with the proper strength, but it also required more planning and detail work than comes naturally. He can’t count the number of times he checked and re-checked his work to make sure he didn’t miss something tiny and vital. Wen Ning moves to touch the bracelet, and panic flashes through Wei Wuxian as he half-lunges to stop him. “Ah don’t touch it!” he yelps. He manages to reign himself back in as Wen Ning stops short and turns to him with something like alarm. “I’m not sure what it’ll do.” He tries not to wince as he says it; he hadn’t wanted to point it out at all. Despite his placid face, Wen Ning’s shoulders stoop a little, and Wei Wuxian’s heart squeezes painfully. He shouldn’t have to worry about this, shouldn’t have to think about how he’s been made into a monster. It’s not his fault, not something he had any say in, and guilt sours deep in Wei Wuxian’s belly at the way that he still has to carry the burden even when it was forced upon him in the first place. “Come on,” Wei Wuxian says, clapping Wen Ning on the shoulder once the box is stowed once more. He gives a smile of reassurance, apology, and Wen Ning quirks up his lips in his own smile. “Of course, Wei-gongzi,” he says. It’s a long walk to Koi Tower. Wei Wuxian almost wishes they had chosen to split up the trip between two days, but it’s not like they would have been able to afford an inn and a bath if they had. He spends the walk teasing Wen Ning and chattering. Wen Ning’s still a little demure, but he’s gotten better at teasing and understanding when Wei Wuxian is joking over the year. It’s nice in a way few things are anymore; Wen Ning knows, like Wen Qing, and Wei Wuxian doesn’t have to pretend around him. He cradled Wei Wuxian’s head as his sister pulled out the thrumming golden core at his heart, kept his shoulders pinned to the ground as he screamed. He understands in a way shijie or Jiang Cheng or Lan Zhan never can. They have done terrible violence to each other for the sake of their siblings, and they can laugh and talk and tease in the sunlight. It’s the kind of light that falls through cracks in ancient ruins, that illuminates and softens the ragged edges of history. They plan to pause and rest on the far side of Qiongqi Pass, Wen Ning’s enforcement of his sister’s order. “It would make Lady Jiang upset if you overexerted yourself before the celebrations,” Wen Ning says. That is certainly not how Wen Qing phrased it. Wei Wuxian accepts it with only a little complaining, to keep up appearances. It can’t get out that he can be persuaded so easily after all; his reputation would never survive.

#mdzs #cql #the untamed #untamed fic #wei wuxian #wen ning #wen qing #my writing #and the sads being

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ibijau · 4 years

Text

Burn it down AU // on AO3 // extras on AO3

For the first time in years, Lan Wangji looks forward to the future with anticipation rather than dread

(aka: epilogue time! Thanks to everyone who read this story, hope you enjoyed it and that I didn’t forget to tie up any loose thread. If I did... oops, my bad, too late XD)

Less than two months after the death of Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen left his sect in the hands of his uncle and urgently took flight for Qinghe after getting a letter from Nie Huaisang. Lan Wangji, A-Yuan and Wei Wuxian followed only a few days after, after packing their belongings so they could stay in the Unclean Realm for a few weeks, or even a few months if it came to that.

In his letter, Nie Huaisang had confessed to finding his mood swinging, as it had done before Lan Xichen started playing music for him, and so his family and friends wanted to be around him to support him. Besides, Lan Wangji had a faint fear that Wei Wuxian was growing restless in the Cloud Recesses, and travelling could only do him good.

It took them some time to reach the Unclean Realm. A-Yuan had still not yet learned to fly on a sword, though he probably would start lessons during their visit. And while Wei Wuxian could, he confessed to feeling awkward about doing it in this weaker body, with a sword that wasn't his. It was quickly decided that for him too some lessons wouldn't hurt, which Lan Wangji would only be too happy to provide.

By the time they reached the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang already appeared to be doing better than he had claimed in his letter. He was smiling brightly when he welcomed them at the gate, Lan Xichen at his side.

Lan Wangji, A-Yuan and Wei Wuxian were quickly ushered inside the Unclean Realm and brought to Nie Huaisang’s personal quarters. While Nie Huaisang hugged A-Yuan and demanded news, servants brought them some much welcome hot tea and took away their damp coats. They’d encountered a little bit of snow earlier than morning, which wasn’t unusual for that time of the year and that region.

"Oh you'll have to stay the winter now," Nie Huaisang announced with great satisfaction. "It would be unreasonable to travel in this season. Dangerous even! And I cannot allow you to put my A-Yuan in danger, so you'll all have to stay."

A-Yuan, hugging his step-father's waist, nodded firmly, but Lan Xichen smiled and came to pat his lover's shoulder.

"I probably should go home though, now that you are in the capable hands of your husband," he said in an odd tone.

It took Lan Wangji a moment to realise that his brother, always so serious and stern in spite of his eternal smile, was teasing Nie Huaisang.

Nie Huaisang himself must have been more used to it, because he immediately reacted in sort.

"Zewu-Jun, how dare you!" he gasped theatrically. "I am sick, terribly so, and you would abandon me and leave me in the hands of an inferior musician, risking my very life?" Nie Huaisang paused, and glanced at his husband. "No offence, Wangji."

Lan Wangji only hummed to signify he knew better than to take that seriously, while both Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian tried to contain their hilarity. Even A-Yuan, after an initial moment of worry, realised that Nie Huaisang was just messing around, and started taking the defence of his father’s skills. Before long Nie Huaisang, confronted also by Lan Xichen and Wei Wuxian, was forced to give a very theatrical apology to his husband.

Once they were done joking around, A-Yuan was asked to play quietly while the adults traded news, with the promise that if he were good, Nie Huaisang would take him to see his birds later. The child quickly agreed, and left the four of them alone at the table.

The first news to be shared whas the reason for Nie Huaisang’s slight relapse. Jiang Cheng had come to the Unclean Realm to demand that Wei Wuxian’s possessions be handed to him, which had quickly turned into a huge fight about Nie Huaisang endangering Jin Ling by not revealing immediately what he’d found out about Jin Guangyao. Heavy accusations had been thrown on both sides, and while Nie Huaisang had managed to hold his own and kept everything confiscated, the confrontation had shaken him badly enough that he’d thought it best to call for help.

“He’ll probably be back when the weather allows for easier travel,” Nie Huaisang sighed, leaning against Lan Xichen who wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer. “I think for now he doesn’t know yet about Wen Qionling, but when he finds out…”

He shivered at the thought, while Lan Wangji wrinkled his nose at the idea. No matter how good Nie Huaisang was at keeping his old friend’s temper in check, this would surely be too much.

“How is Wen Ning?” Wei Wuxian eagerly asked. “Did you hide him somewhere?”

“I am not able to be as good a host to him as I would prefer,” Nie Huaisang confessed. “We have a safe house, a few hours away from here, where disciples can rest and get provisions and necessities if trouble arises. I’ve sent him here, with some of the items obtained from Jin Guangyao’s secret chamber. Most of it was yours, Wei-xiong, but there were also spoils of wars from the Sunshot Campaign, among which ancient Wen texts. Wen gongzi has expressed the wish to study and copy them, to which I had no objections.”

Whatever resentment Wei Wuxian still held against Nie Huaisang for the murder of Mo Xuanyu, he instantly relaxed at hearing that Wen Ning was being treated well.

“Can we go visit him?”

“Not today, it’s too late for that,” Nie Huaisang said. “But as soon as we get a day of decent weather… he has expressed interest in meeting A-Yuan, by the way.”

All four of them turned to look at the child who had grabbed a book from Nie Huaisang’s library and was now reading it with such concentration that he did not notice he was now the center of attention.

“It will be difficult to explain to him who Wen Ning is,” Wei Wuxian sighed, tearing his eyes away from their son. “He’s a clever boy, he’s going to ask questions, but it’s probably best if he doesn’t know…”

“Wei-xiong, you like secrets too much,” Nie Huaisang cut him, startling Wei Wuxian. “Meanwhile, I’m tired of them. A-Yuan is a very clever boy, he can understand some things can only be spoken about with family, and he already remembers more than he lets on, I suspect. Have some faith in the people around you, Wei-xiong.”

“Nie-xiong, you’ve gotten very bold while I was dead, I’m almost impressed,” Wei Wuxian retorted. “Lan Zhan, what do you think?”

Lan Wangji hesitated, his eyes jumping several times between Wei Wuxian, Nie Huaisang and A-Yuan before he could make a decision.

“No objection to them meeting,” he said at last. “If it goes well, A-Yuan should be told.”

“If Lan Zhan agrees, then so do I,” Wei Wuxian sighed, defeated.

Lan Wangji could not refrain a pleased smile at the thought that Wei Wuxian, in this new life, seemed to have more respect for his opinion than he ever had before. Or at least, that they had less trouble communicating their mutual respect, since perhaps it had always been there. He thought it bode well for the future, and that perhaps someday they would be able to discuss those things that had happened in the past, and the choices they had both made. Lan Wangji still did not understand why Wei Wuxian had dropped conventional cultivation in favour of more dangerous methods, but he had good hopes the other man would tell him when the time was right.

For the time being, the conversation shifted to less dangerous topics, such as Lan Qiren annoyance that both his nephews had deserted him. Lan Xichen expressed some regret over causing his uncle sorrow, but Lan Wangji felt little pity for him, and one glance told him that Nie Huaisang was of the opinion that Lan Qiren deserved to be made to suffer for what he had made them go through. They also discussed the latest news they’d heard from Lanling, where it was still unclear who would seize power, before chatting of their plans for the winter they would all be spending in the Unclean Realm.

It was, without a doubt, one of the most pleasant afternoons that Lan Wangji had ever experienced, all because his entire family was there with him.

Although winters were harsh this far North, Lan Wangji found himself quite happy with his time in the Unclean Realm.

As they had planned, A-Yuan was brought to meet Wen Ning. After the initial fright of encountering a fierce corpse this powerful, the two quickly found common ground and were soon chatting like old friends. Lan Wangji was already starting to wonder how to break the news of their shared blood when A-Yuan suddenly turned to his fathers and asked if he had met Wen Ning before. A-Yuan broke into tears when they explained the truth to him, and ran into Wen Ning’s arms to hug him tight, repeating again and again how happy he was to have even more family than he’d thought.

Because they could not risk bringing attention to Wen Ning, their visits to him remained few and far between. It did not stop A-Yuan from writing to him daily and bringing him a pile of letters each time they went to the safe house, so he would have something to keep him company while he was alone. Although it was impossible for Wen Ning to cry, being a fierce corpse, it was a near thing every time that A-Yuan showed how fully he had adopted his cousin back into his family.

The rest of the time, they all stayed mostly in the Unclean Realm. Having little else to do, Lan Wangji set out to teach A-Yuan how to fly on his sword, for which his son showed great skill. Before the snows melted, he was capable of making his sword hold his weight, keeping his balance on it, and even moving around a little, though only very slowly. The adults in his life all complimented him on his skill, and encouraged him to keep working hard so he would improve further. It helped, perhaps, that Wei Wuxian was following those lessons with him, still oddly awkward about using a sword even now that Suibian had been returned to him.

Lan Wangji couldn’t shake the impression that there was something there he wasn’t being told, but he tried his best not to probe. Wei Wuxian would be ready someday, and for now he did not want to risk pushing too hard and putting a dent in their friendship. They were getting along better and better as the winter passed. Although Wei Wuxian was by no means glued to his side, no matter how or where he spent his days he always returned to Lan Wangji at night and shared everything he’d done. Sometimes it was just normal cultivation, so he could give his new body a golden core. Other times he had gone off to do some mischief with junior Nie disciples, much to Nie Huaisang’s irritation who accused him of corrupting the youth. Lan Wangji’s favourite days were the ones they spent together, but he also liked hearing stories of Wei Wuxian living his own life, free and alive again.

Sometimes, when the mood struck him, Wei Wuxian seemed to get somewhat flirtatious with Lan Wangji. It was hard to say if it was in earnest or simply part of his personality, so Lan Wangji took it in stride and tried not to read too much into it. Wei Wuxian seemed very amused that his taunts no longer had the same effects they’d had in their youth, and kept looking for new ways to tease Lan Wangji who was just happy with the attention.

Perhaps someday it would lead to more, as it had for Lan Xichen and Nie Huaisang who seemed happier than newlyweds and often appeared to forget that they were supposed to show some discretion. Or perhaps between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian there would never be more than teasing and an ever deepening friendship. Either options would make Lan Wangji equally happy, after those years of mourning.

All too soon, spring returned to the Unclean Realm, bringing with it the end of their happy insouciance.

Lan Xichen could no longer find excuses to remain in Qinghe now that the weather was warmer. It was obvious, anyway, that he had started feeling guilty at having abandoned his sect so long, refusing to become as uncaring and detached a sect leader as their father had been. For that reason he left the Unclean Realm as soon as the first warm spell of spring hit them, though not without making Nie Huaisang promise to visit him in the Cloud Recesses as soon as he could.

Fearful that this separation from his lover would have too much of an impact on Nie Huaisang’s mood, Lan Wangji decided to remain a little longer to check on him. After a few weeks though, it became obvious that Nie Huaisang had recovered almost entirely from the instability that had ailed him after his brother’s death. Not only that, but since he no longer had to hide from Jin Guangyao and knew that nobody in his sect would turn against him, Nie Huaisang set out to do better at his job, determined to improve the way Qinghe Nie was run so he would have more time in the future for his hobbies, as well as for visits to his lover.

Seeing him so determined to achieve this new, healthier goal, Lan Wangji found himself wondering what he wanted from life. He’d never had to think about it before, first because there had always been rules in his life to dictate his every action, and then later because the only thing he’d ever selfishly wanted had been taken from him. Things were different now, though, and it forced him to consider his future.

The idea of simply returning to the Cloud Recesses and staying there permanently did not sit quite right with him. It was his home, it always would be his home, but there was too much he had become critical of to be comfortable there, as well as too many tensions with his uncle. It would have been, then, easy to stay in the Unclean Realm. Nobody would have objected, since it was where his husband lived… but that solution did not sit right either. It would have been difficult to stay without letting A-Yuan cultivate with the Nie method, which Nie Huaisang had stated times and times again that he did not want, and which Lan Wangji disliked as well, having seen how even someone like Nie Huaisang could be so easily and deeply unbalanced after following that path.

With those two options eliminated, a third had to be considered. But before he could try to breach the subject with Wei Wuxian, the other man came to find him one day with a request

“Lan Zhan, I’ve been talking with Nie-xiong earlier and he asked me a favour,” Wei Wuxian explained after interrupting Lan Wangji’s meditation. “You see, he’s been hearing rumours about people going missing in a region away from here. It’s a place where there aren’t any sects to take care of those things. It’s also probably just some fierce corpses, and the area isn’t very rich, so rogue cultivators aren’t very likely to go there. But people are still in trouble, right? So I was wondering…”

“We’re going,” Lan Wangji interrupted, standing up from his meditative pose, already planning what they would need for the journey. Money, food, clothes… paper for talismans too, of course. All of which Nie Huaisang would gladly let them have. He wouldn’t have mentioned that issue to Wei Wuxian without reason.

Wei Wuxian stared at him, looking stunned, then threw himself at Lan Wangji’s neck to kiss his cheek.

“Lan Zhan, I knew I could count on you! And I was thinking, maybe we could take Wen Ning with us? It’d be good for him to get out of that safe house, he must be going crazy in there. And he’ll help us make sure that A-Yuan is safe, even if it’s more than fierce corpses over there! Would you allow it?”

A little dazzled by the kiss, Lan Wangji only managed to nod weakly. It was enough anyway. Wei Wuxian never needed more than the barest of encouragement when he had an idea in mind. He startled babbling about all the things they would need, then ran off to pester Nie Huaisang into giving them all of that.

Lan Wangji, for a moment, remained frozen where he stood. Very hesitantly he brought a hand to the cheek that Wei Wuxian had kissed, still feeling the warmth of those lips on his skin.

It had been nice, he thought, to travel with Wei Wuxian when they were looking for Nie Mingjue’s body. It would be nicer still to do so with A-Yuan at their side and, yes, even Wen Ning who Lan Wangji thought he might easily become friends with, now that the occasion was given to them. They would take care of this problem, and of the next one they would encounter, until they felt like going home to either Qinghe or Gusu where they would rest for a time until some other cry for help reached them…

The thought made Lan Wangji smile.

It would be nice to be with his family, and to finally be happy.

#wangxian #xisang #lan wangji #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #mdzs #jau writes #burn it down au #still need to do the lwj/nhs extra but on the whole this story is done yay /o/#I'm sorry that the wangxian is still very low-key but really they're taking it slow #and I tried to make it clear that it's still going to happen once wwx feels ready for it #but aaaaah finally I can take this off of my list of wips yay XD

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