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sixosix · 1 year

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'cat' the son | itoshi rin

( a/n ) when i came back the poll was 50/50 so i got bribed and it’s now decided that rin is the winner + little highschool au bc we all know they dropped out:/ idk what to title this im ngl

there’s a cat on the sidewalk.

you have about six dollars in your hand, a faltering mission to treat yourself to a cold drink, and an aching heart at the sight of the little animal seated like a king on concrete, looking up at you with blank eyes.

its dark fur and near-teal eyes remind you of someone. of a back facing your seat, dark hair always kept neat and looking like it’s conditioned meticulously, and the sharpest eyes you have ever seen on a high schooler.

it has been a long day, long enough for you to have stormed out of the room as soon as classes ended to rush to the nearest shop that would sell what you’re craving. alas, there is a cat on the sidewalk, and you can’t just ignore it.

“stay here, kitty,” you say before rushing off with the six dollars in hand and a new goal to head straight to the nearest sign with an animal cardboard cutout printed on it.

eventually, you find one; eventually, you come out of the store holding cat food and a tiny cat bowl because you were worried about letting the cat eat straight from the can. it’s baby blue with little fishes added as design, though you think it’s rather gruesome to put that there, considering the canned food you bought is made from fish. still, you hope the cat will appreciate it.

the cat is still there as if it’s understood and blessed you with patience. the unimpressed look it has on its face says otherwise, though. grateful, you kneel beside it, slightly mesmerized by the fact that it hasn’t run away yet.

maybe other people are feeding it, too? it doesn’t look worryingly thin. needs a little cleaning, but looks well-fed. you’re relieved.

“here you go,” you coo, ignoring the strange looks of the passersby. you place the bowl down and crack open the can. the smell has the cat walking over, meowing all crankily. “i know, i know.”

the cat doesn’t dig in until you’ve finished shaking off its contents, staring at you in the same way the itoshi guy in your class would. the resemblance is uncanny.

you spend the rest of your afternoon keeping the cat company. its face speaks as if it’s far from amused, but the way it rubs against your ankle contradicts it.

cute. the cat is cute.

another student comes to visit the cat, carrying two cans of cat food. it’s been sitting in the plastic for a little while because as he had been going in the same routine he usually has, he spots you, his classmate, bent to the knees next to his cat, and paused.

rin thinks you’re scared of him because everyone in the class is. he lets you have your moment, choosing to come back later when you’ve finished so you don’t freak out and scare the cat. he thinks he can strike up a conversation tomorrow where there are no cats to frighten.

the cat walks up to him, instantly familiar. he doesn’t even meow up at rin impatiently, which confirms rin’s suspicions.

“y/n fed you well,” he mumbles. “i guess you can have this tomorrow.”

you’re suddenly all too aware that rin sits in front of you. he’s right there, uniform stretched over his broad back, most likely because he’s the prodigy of soccer in your school.

the neatness of his hair reminds you of the cat from yesterday, with its silky dark fur despite being a stray. you resist the urge to touch it, missing the cat already. you make a mental note to refill your water bottle so the cat can drink after.

while left thinking about the fact that you’re three dollars shorter than yesterday's budget, you fail to notice that class has ended and rin has his arm slung over the top of his chair to turn to look at you.

rin’s eyes flicker down to the paper bag next to your feet. “what’s that for?”

startled by the smoothness of his voice directed at you, you choke out a: “t-this?” you gesture lamely at the bag containing the gruesome bowl.

“what else am i referring to?”

you scrunch your nose. “okay, no need to be so rude. maybe i won’t tell you what it is.”

rin stares, and you’re intensely reminded of piercing eyes looking up at you, patiently waiting for the canned tuna.

“it’s a cat bowl,” you murmur, defeated.

“cat bowl,” he repeats, a gleam in his eye. he probably thinks you’re weirder than he already thinks you are.

“for a stray. i don’t want to bring it around because some other cat owner might steal it. i can’t have that.”

“show me,” he demands.

a little terrified by the fact that the class grump is actively maintaining a conversation with you; you obediently show him the bowl, spinning it around to show all sides. rin hums, contemplative. your classmates are starting to stare. “it’s weird, right? fishes for the print and fishes for dinner. do you like it?”

“lukewarm.”

“what does that even mean?”

“it’s too small. buy a new one.”

“...you think?”

rin nods, standing up. the chair screeches while he says, “i’ll come with you.”

this is how you end up in the same pet supply store with a companion this time. rin picks the most expensive one for the bowl and the canned cat food, which makes you think he must really like cats a lot.

but as you two leave the store, you belatedly realize he’s leading the way even though you never told him anything about the stray you meet.

it doesn’t hit you until the same cat meows and purrs at rin, rubbing against his pants with its entire body.

“hi,” rin says, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

you gape. “wait, the cat’s yours?”

rin bends down, knees to his chest while he sets the bowl down and cracks the can open with one finger. “no. dad’s allergic. he doesn’t follow me back home anyway.” while he does that, the cat comes to greet you, and your heart aches on rin’s behalf.

so he just comes to feed him every day, huh… you muse, gently scratching the cat who purrs at your attention but still looks as if he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“do you have a name for him?”

rin pauses, having finished pouring everything. “...no.” he squints at you as if you’ve just asked him the exact coordinates of his birthplace: sincerely confused.

“what do you call him, then?” you watch as the unnamed cat starts digging down on the food, content. you wonder why no one else has already kept this cat to themselves. he’s so cute and polite.

“cat.”

“ah, of course.”

you two watch ‘cat’ eat, content with the silence. it starts to drizzle moments later, but rin is quick to pull out an umbrella and cover all three of you. the cat grumbles unhappily at the splatter of rain hitting him.

“do you always visit him?”

“yes.”

“do you like cats?”

“yes.”

a shame that allergies are the only thing keeping itoshi rin from getting a cat.

while you’re distracted, the cat goes back to rin. rin wastes no time bending down to pick him up, looking awfully domestic in the middle of a sidewalk in front of a busy coffee shop. your hands twitch to reach for your phone, but you’re too stunned to do anything but stare. they look so much alike.

cute, you think, horrified, rin looks so cute holding the cat.

while engulfed in rin’s arms, the cat meows at you. and you, with a too-tender heart, can’t resist.

“i’ll keep him,” you declare with newfound determination. “i’ll take care of him. if you let me keep the bowl you bought.”

rin’s eyes light up, though it wouldn’t have been evident if you hadn’t been his classmate and witnessed his varying expressions of death. (as if it was varying in the first place.)

“i’ll buy everything else he’ll like,” he says, like a true cat mom, his face glowing with barely concealed excitement.

since then, rin accompanies you home. you tell him that you’ve saved up three dollars from yesterday and now you have more than enough to buy a nice, cold drink and maybe catnip for the cat, but rin insists that he’ll pay for everything, including your beverage.

“you feed our son.”

“our son?” he repeats curiously.

“yes. he lives with me. he looks like you,” you explain absentmindedly, setting up the water dispenser on the new food bowl rin ended up buying. it no longer has fish for design or the painful lime green he bought the second time—instead, it’s a nice blue that compliments the cat’s eyes.

“and what are you implying is going on between us?”

you nearly spill water all over the floor. “i…” you honestly did not think about that, “—nevermind. don’t make it weird, itoshi!”

you think you heard rin chuckling, but you’re too busy being embarrassed to bother.

(during class, you will find that rin is far from intimidating. in fact, he’s actually a little bitch to deal with. you’re starting to think that he’s more of a pain to deal with than an actual grumpy cat.

“don’t forget to buy food for our son,” rin says after class, in front of students who gossip like there is no tomorrow.

“what?”

“for our son,” rin says, nonplussed at the sight of your haunted expression.

someone who has overheard the conversation pipes up, “you two have a son?”

“we don’t!” you hiss, face burning with embarrassment at the sudden influx of attention from your classmates.

rin frowns. “don’t lie.”

“you two are starting to act like a married couple recently…” another comments offhandedly.

“itoshi walks y/n home, i saw!”

“we have a son,” rin agrees, and you’re starting to think that he’s doing it on purpose.

“stop saying that!”)

thank u art aanobrain for giving me the idea of rin just naming the cat ‘cat’. that idea is so special to me.

anyway. RIN IS SO HARD TO WRITE HELPPPP. this was an excruciating process i genuinely did not know if i did anything right but WHAT’S DONE IS DONE. thx for reading <3

#606:BLLK #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi rin x y/n #itoshi rin x you #itoshi rin imagines #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi x you #blue lock fanfiction #blue lock x reader #blue lock fluff #blue lock x you #itoshi rin fluff

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glacierclear · 7 months

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Having some mad fuckboy!Leon thoughts rn

After he's unlearned all the stuff he taught himself and is basically done with the whole fuckboy thing oh man he would be SO soft. Holding your hand? Check. Cuddling at his dorm? Check. Being more gentle and loving during sex? Also check.

Also, stealing his hoodies. He'd melt for sure

oh, for sure. healed fuckboy!leon would be a SIGHT TO BEHOLD.

he wouldn't be perfect...

progress isn't linear. he'd stumble a lot. make a lot of mistakes and backward steps. you would need to be patient. you would need to be careful. especially in the early stages. because damn, he's trying. he's trying so hard. and you need to acknowledge the effort, even if it's hard to see, because any praise towards this will mean so much to him.

it'd come out especially on his bad days. he's more impatient. short-tempered. lashes out over seemingly mundane things. you'll need to be firm but not demeaning. catch his tells, his habits, and figure out the real reason he's behaving the way he is.

you'll need to slowly teach him the true depth of his words. that they hurt you just as much as they hurt him. he's unfamiliar with the idea of accountability, so you need to teach him about consequences. let him know you're upset and angry at him. but just because you're upset doesn't mean he's irredeemable. he'll assume any pushback is you ending things permanently. he needs the space to fuck up and forgive himself.

and damn it all, he's the jealous type. possessive. protective as all hell. it's toxic, and you need to teach him boundaries. it'll be tough. he worked so fucking hard to get you, doesn't he deserve to have you the way he needs? but no. you need freedom. he'll learn eventually, but be prepared to send a lot of "im safe and i miss u" texts to him when you're out with friends.

speaking of toxic. the toxic masculinity will be hell to unpack. sometimes it's nice! he insists on you being passenger princess. he insists on picking up the bill (well, once you're actually dating). he doesn't mind taking care of spiders (and fine, just because you asked nicely, he won't kill them). but...the bads get real bad.

displaying any kind of vulnerable emotion is like pulling teeth. when he's nervous, scared, anxious...he'll take it out on others. or himself. early progress will be made when he's blackout drunk and spilling everything to you. he reveals the deepest, most fragile parts of himself on these nights. it's like he's an entirely different person. and the next morning he'll do his best to sweep it all under the rug, but you have to fight for it. accept him and love him despite how "totally fucking lame" he acted (his words, not yours).

that being said. the good parts? oh yeah. Boyfriend Material 100%.

he'd do anything for you. anything. don't even say shit as a joke because he'll do it. at a certain point he doesn't even care if his friends think he's being stupid. you're his whole world. he'd wear stupid t-shirts for you. go to that concert you're dying to see even if he thinks the music sucks. he'll bash his head into a wall and learn to bake french pastries if it'll get you to smile. through hell and high water, he'll follow.

and yeah, he weans himself off social media. stops posting thirst trap photos and cuts ties with his sneaky links. but the lack of external validation is felt, and it kind of falls on you to fill the void. clingy won't even begin to describe what he is. he'll resort to begging. he will. late to work in the morning? that's not his problem. you're staying in that damn bed and you are cuddling him. you think him wearing tank tops in the middle of December is just a dumb mistake, but you catch on quick when he starts to shiver and needs to huddle you for warmth. "you want me to die of hypothermia? c'mon, babe. get closer." and yeah. those ice cold hands are going straight on your stomach. have fun.

part of the excitement will come from truly learning who he is as a person. most of his herculean facade is a persona. he doesn't actually like beer. he likes dry whiskey and refined clear liquors. he doesn't actually enjoy parties. the crowds make him nauseous, and he can always blame it on the alcohol. he's not actually all that into sports. you figure out he has a well-loved public library card and he knows the mystery section like the back of his hand. he's vibrant. shockingly intelligent. gets that light in his eyes when you nudge him about his interests. it'll be hard to get him to admit it, but his favorite part of the week is huddling on the couch watching nature documentaries with you.

and it's a two-way street. he remembers everything about you. early on in your relationship you casually assume he'll never keep track of the important dates. that's the stereotype, right? you couldn't be more wrong. birthdays. anniversaries. doctor's appointments. your fucking dog's yearly vaccine. he won't necessarily go all-out, not until you're more of a long-term thing, but what he does is meaningful. sincere. you won't get $500 of flowers and chocolate for valentine's day, but he'll abduct you from work, drive you out far, far into the countryside. lay out a patchwork blanket and stare at the night sky. he brought your favorite brand of pita chips and sneakily worms a gift box in your hand. it's that stupid $15 thing that's been sitting in your online shopping cart for weeks that you could never justify buying. and yeah, he'd appreciate a blowjob under the stars, but seeing you happy is enough.

and you could never begin to imagine how loving and passionate he can get during sex. it's totally different than his usual flavor. casual hook-ups and one-night stands are merely a fraction of his power. he tends to avoid intimate gestures on those nights. no eye-contact. hardly any kissing. he likes it rough and he likes it fast. but with you? he takes his time. commits your body to muscle memory. his gaze is intense, and he watches every reaction, trying to map out your flesh like a cartographer. he'll happily make out with you for upwards of a couple hours before you even begin the real foreplay. and you always cum first. always.

oh, but if you're not a fan of PDA...he might be a problem. he's proud of you. you're the hottest thing on two legs as far as he's concerned. he'll have no issue grabbing your ass, wrapping a hand around your waist, kissing along your neck, whispering the most obscene things in your ear. it's not even to make a point. there's no rhyme or reason. he just wants to. and you're right there. and what right does the world have to tell him to stop? does it make people uncomfortable? who cares. he'll lay off if it really bugs you that much...but if he catches anyone staring at you too long he'll ramp it up. it's almost aggressive. you turn to scold him, noticing how his eyes aren't even on you. he's staring at someone else. someone who's looking at what's his.

he's a yes man, too. if you need restraint and careful guidance in your life...he's not the one. he'll support any weird, out of the blue hobby you want to pursue. if you even joke about quitting your job he'll egg you on. "i'll drive right up there and tell your boss i'll fuck his wife!" and you have to talk him down. he'll punch the sun for you. he'll be behind every impulsive purchase. every 4am trip to walmart. every instinct to feed your id. any "little treat" you want to have he'll get it. because you deserve the best. if you ever want to have a stable bank account you need the be the voice of reason. because it's not gonna be him.

yeah. he'll have a lot of problems. don't worry about that. but, at least with fuckboy!leon, you'll almost never have any doubts that he loves you. once you manage to pin his heart on his sleeve, it's there for life and it'll always be yours.

#fuckboy!leon #leon kennedy #resident evil #shut up glacier #suggestive #headcanons

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daegall · 9 months

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Bewitched.

pairing: bf!mark x reader

genre: fluff, established relationship!AU, college!AU

warnings: mentions of cheating (a past relationship)

word count: 1.2k words

a/n: happy late mark day!!!!!! our watermelon boy deserves the whole world <3 wrote a little drabble a little too late, so I hope you'll forgive me for that (had a very busy first few weeks of school!!) anw, other than this, i think im gonna start of my spidermark fic!!! (if i get motivation lol) i hope you guys enjoy <3

networks/taglist: @neoturtles @knet-bakery @kflixnet @nct-writers @k-radio + @soobin-chois @markhyuckselca @jaehunnyy @justalildumpling <3

🎧 :: Bewitched (Laufey)

The last time you dated someone was in your junior year of high school, before swearing off boys after the boy you had been with cheated on you. Plus, you needed the extra hours to get ready for all your AP exams and your final year of high school.

But now, you find yourself in your second year of college, and with another guy.

Mark Lee is unlike any guy you've ever met in your whole life. Who could be so human, yet so flawless? He was so raw and was never afraid to show himself to anyone, and god knows he was the one to make the first move. How could you ever, after being date-less for more than 2 years?

Nonetheless, you find your rhythm with him quickly, naturally, everything falling into place as if it's always supposed to be like this.

And here you are, walking in the lonely streets of the city, clock indicating you've been out long after the curfew you had given yourself in the beginning of the year.

Fuck that curfew, because you would trade anything for this moment, laughing at Mark's lame dad joke, bumping your shoulder with his.

It's been so long since you've felt so genuinely happy with someone, someone you could be yourself around and not be scared, someone who could match your energy just as easily.

Mark plays the guitar. He showed you on your second date, when he came back from a tutor session (he teaches kids, for fucks sake! He's perfect!) and was fully willing to play a few songs of your choice. That was the first time you felt fully comfortable with him, and felt okay to be yourself around him.

He likes watermelons. He adores watermelons, more than he should. On a random hang out to the local market, Mark unintentionally charmed up one of the store ladies, running his mouth on and on about how much he loves watermelons, eventually ending up in getting a free watermelon. You found the way he grinned and cradled the watermelon adorable.

Mark takes his time.

'It's better that way, kinda like fermentation, you know?'

You get what he meant just a little bit, but with every moment spent by his side, you completely understand. He takes time to write his songs, even when he gets a surge of inspiration in the middle of the night, staying up until 5 in the morning just for 1 verse.

Another thing he claims he wants to take his time on, is your relationship. He had asked to be your boyfriend about a month into your little situationship, and he does not rush into things.

It's a nice change of pace, you admit. The 2 other guys you had been with both definitely rushed into things very fast, and you felt way too overwhelmed by the speed. With Mark, you don't have to worry. He'll wait for you.

When you had asked him for the reason he would even try waiting, your heart seemed to be plucked from your chest, taken into the warm and (not so) safe hands of Mark Lee.

'The best things are worth waiting for. You're worth waiting for.'

And now here you are, and you want to savor each moment spent next to Mark, taking your time.

He's walking you back to your apartment, after a date to the movies. You barely even paid attention, you really were just there for the popcorn and soda, and maybe just a little cuddle with Mark.

"Thanks for tonight, Mark," You mumble with a smile as you two halt in front of your apartment lobby. He beams at you, grinning.

"Thank you too, Y/n, I really liked tonight,"

He looks absolutely dreamy right now. So cozy with his sweater and baggy jeans, the genuinely smile tugging at his lips, the sparkle in his eyes. You continue to observe him, not wanting to let go of the oddly intimate moment.

He seems to think the exact same thing, reaching out to take your hand in his, swinging it side to side as his gaze shifts from your eyes, to different parts of your face, and back to your eyes.

Mark's thumb stokes across the back of your palm, and it's like a spell, disabling you from taking a single step away from him. He's got you bewitches, and you don't mind one single bit.

Finally, be breaks the spell, tugging you closer to wrap his arms around your waist. Your own automatically circle around his shoulders, hands settling for the hairs on the back of his neck, playing with the strands, just like how he always asks you to do.

"Call me once you get to your room, okay?" He murmurs with a smile, tilting his head to the side. He's got an adoring look on his face, entranced.

"I promise, Mark." You respond, taking one hand back to hold your pinky up, urging him to do the same.

That's exactly what he does, taking his hand off your waist to wrap his pinky around yours gently. "Good."

With one more sway of your intertwined fingers, you pull away, slowly, as if to remember every little detail. "I better go to my room now then, huh?"

"You do that,"

After what seemed like hours, you peel away from each other, parting. There's no sadness, not a single bittersweet smile, because you know he'll be there for you, always. As you will be for him as well.

"Goodnight, Mark!"

He simply waves as he watches you walk away little by little, each step resonating through his ears, along with his heartbeat.

Mark Lee likes to take his time. He's always preached this. But now, as you walk away, it's like his clock quickens a tenfold, and you have a string to his heart, tugging on it.

Before he knows it, Mark's reaching out, jogging slightly, calling out your name. "Y/n!"

You feel confusion flood over you at the sudden call of your name, turning to reply, but you don't even get to. Mark has his arms around you, leaning into you, as his lips place against yours clumsily.

'Take your time,' you've always told yourself. And yet, you don't even waste a second to reciprocate the kiss, head tilting to the side with a sigh.

'Take your time,' Mark remembers saying over and over again. He's wanted to kiss you for months, he's taken his time, and it feels perfect. He knows its perfect as his lips part to deepen the kiss, he knows there's nothing better as his hand cradles your cheek, the other wrapped around your waist.

You know as well, as your knees grow weak, as your lips smile against one another, as he leans in for yet another kiss as you pull away, chuckling into his skin.

And when you pull away, Mark Lee looks even dreamier than before, if it was even possible. He's got a goofy smile on his lips, the lips that had just kissed yours, his eyes shining with nothing but absolute pure love for you.

"Goodnight," He mumbles.

"Goodnight," You echo back, smiling at him. "a-and, thank you,"

Mark chuckles, shaking his head, as he pulls away from you, stroking your cheek one more time. "Hey, can we make this a thing now? Can I get a goodnight kiss every time I walk you back after a date?"

"Go home, Mark! It's late!" You push him away playfully, shooing him away.

"Fine, fine!" He throws his hands up in a surrender. He has an awfully boyish smile on his lips, eyes twinkling with mischief. "We'll see tomorrow, after I take you home after our date, right?"

Mark Lee has you bewitched.

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bethdutten · 1 year

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the ending i learned to love

summary: One of these days, he’ll get it right and he’ll see it through, one way or the other.

warnings: suicidal thoughts, self-harm, angst but with a happy ending!

a/n: this had no business being this depressing im sorry

Bucky survived everything, more than anyone should conceivably be forced to survive, but he wasn’t sure if he could survive himself.

He wished he could stop punishing himself. Could feel like it was enough. Sometimes he thinks he should stop calling himself a survivor; because, did he? Did he survive, if he still feels like this?

It was a regular November night when he met you. It also happened to be the night he had decided to finally commit to either living or dying. He couldn’t keep existing in this in-between place-- feeling like a man who should be dead, living anyway without actually wanting to.

He told Steve he was going for a walk, headed out towards Central Park, which was exactly the same and completely different than he remembered. He walked with his hands in his pockets, head down, going over the pros and cons of killing himself like he did every night, when a loud bark pulled him out of his thoughts.

It was the only warning he got before a large mass of fur knocked into him, jumping right up on his chest before he had a chance to dodge out of the way. He swore, right hand stuck in his pocket as he struggled to catch his fall. There was a thin layer of ice on the ground from an early rain that froze in the cold November temperature, and he just barely managed to get his left hand out to brace his fall, completely forgetting he’d forgotten his gloves.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

A voice called out from in front of him, a figure in a black coat holding a leash grabbing on to the dog before it could lunge at Bucky again. Bucky grimaced, clenching his fist against the ground, ready to snap at the irresponsible owner of the dog as he looked up and--

You held out your hand, eyes full of worry. “Are you okay? She never does this, I don’t know what got into her.”

Bucky blinked, watching your gaze flicker down to his metal hand when he hesitated. But you didn’t pull your own hand away, and he carefully took it, mindful not to grasp too tightly as he pulled himself up.

Your hand lingered in his for a second too long, sliding up his wrist to squeeze his forearm. “Sure you’re okay?”

He didn’t know what the hell was going on. He can’t remember the last time someone treated him like he was... normal. Before the war, at least. If it wasn’t the obvious aversion to his arm, it was his murderous facial expressions that tended to scare people off. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.”Um. Yeah. Uh-- I’m fine.”

You gave him a tentative smile, hand dropping from his arm. “She always walks right beside me without a leash, I don’t know why she jumped on you. You don’t happen to be carrying any dog treats on you?”

Bucky felt himself softly smiling back. “No, more of a cat person.”

“You seem like it.”

He tucked his hands back in his pockets, shrugging. “Are you saying I seem unnecessarily cruel and independent unless hungry?”

You laughed, and the sound made Bucky’s cheeks warm. It was a sound he instantly wanted to hear more of. “A bit? Is this your way of fishing for a dinner date?”

“Oh, uh, no. No, I just--” Bucky looked down, flustered and cursing himself for how lame he sounded. He used to be good at this-- but that was a different lifetime.

But you just knocked your shoulder against his, putting him at ease, again treating his left arm like it was no different from his flesh and blood arm. You grinned. “I’m kidding. Although, my dog did just maul you to the ground, the least I could do was buy you some food. Or a coffee?”

Bucky looked up, your cute head tilt and slight blush confirming that you were, in fact, asking him out.

Just a minute ago, he was contemplating whether Christmas was a pro or a con to be alive for, and here he had a gorgeous girl holding his metal hand like it was nothing and asking him for coffee. Later, he would tell you how close he was to picking death, and how you literally saved his life. Now, he just gave you a smile, a real smile, one he hadn’t had a reason to use in years, and said,

“I’d love that.”

---

That was two years ago. Now, Bucky lived in Brooklyn with you and your dog and Alpine (who reluctantly shared her home with you both if only to appease the man who fed her). And he still wasn’t quite sure if he was strong enough to survive himself.

Because he had everything, he had you. And he was still sitting on the bathroom floor, blood dripping down his shoulder from where he was clawing at where metal met flesh, and wished he no longer existed. Bucky thought of all the violence he has inflicted in his life, none has been as violent as what he has done to himself. Because it had to be, right? How else could it make up for all he did?

You came home from work, letting the dog out and feeding Alpine, going through your usual routine. Bucky had been on an assignment with Natasha and Steve all week, and he usually called before he came home. You were just about to text him and ask how it was going when you noticed the light coming from under the bathroom door.

“Buck? Are you home? Why didn’t you--” you pushed open the door, freezing as you took in the sight beside you. Bucky looked up at you with fear in his eyes, red-rimmed and wet with tears, his right hand shooting up to cover his shoulder. But the blood had trinkled down his chest and caked in his nails-- you knew immediately what he'd been doing.

“Oh my god,” you whispered, dropping to your knees and grabbing his hand, pulling it away from his shoulder to see the damage. It was bad, but at least he didn’t take a knife to it like that time a year ago. You met his eyes, sighing. “Baby, why didn’t you call me?”

“Don’t, please,” he choked out, watching you lean over to grab the first aid kit under the sink and rifling through it for the bandages and antiseptic.

You ignored him, pouring the liquid over his shoulder to get a better look at the injuries without all the blood. There were a few gouges that were still bleeding, but most of it was surface damage. You pulled off your shirt, shaking your head when Bucky whined as you struggled to pull him up.

“Come on, in the shower.”

“No, just leave me--”

“I’m never leaving you!” you snapped, looking him dead in the eye and steeling yourself for a fight. Sometimes it was like this-- arguing over whether to let him suffer alone or let you help, like you could ever just leave him like this. Like you ever stopped thinking about him, could stop loving him. Like you could live without him.

Bucky gave a huff of defeat, letting you pull him to his feet and undressing him the rest of the way, carefully leading him into the shower before following him in. You ran the water as hot as you both could handle, standing under the spray as it washed the blood down his chest and circled pink around the drain.

You wrapped your arms around him, letting him tuck his face into your neck and cry, and stood there until the water ran cold.

---

Afterwards, once you’d washed his hair, bandaged up his shoulder and set him up in bed with a movie, you cuddled up against his left side, pressing soft kisses to the skin above the bandage.

“I wish I could have met you when I was whole.”

Bucky said it so softly, so broken, you squeezed your eyes shut to hold back the flood of pain that brought tears to your eyes. You wished you could take all his hurt into you.

“Bucky,” you hushed, leaning up to meet his eyes, resting your hand on his face to make sure he was paying attention. “You have always been whole to me. And I love you.”

It wasn’t the first time you’d said it, but he still acted like it was. He stared back at you, frowning as he searched your face for a lie, and found none. “Really?”

You nodded, kissing him softly. “I love you.” You pulled back and smiled against his lips. “I love you.” Kissing him again, you whispered, “I love you—“ yelping when he swiftly rolled you onto your back and hovered above you, laughing. You grinned at the beautiful smile on his face; he was incredible, unbelievable. You didn’t understand how you got so lucky.

“I love you.” Bucky kissed you slowly, metal arm holding himself above you as his other hand trailed down your body, hips grinding down against yours. You moaned, back arching to press as much skin to his as possible.

“Bucky,” you panted, raking your nails down his back, avoiding his shoulder. “Need you.”

“My turn to make you feel better.”

—-

It was his birthday. Every year was a reminder of how he wasn’t supposed to be here. A bonus year, he called it. Usually hoping it would be his last.

This one was different. This year, he started to plan for the future; something he never really did until he met you. You asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday, and he said he wanted something lowkey. Just his closest friends, the ones who were like family, and you.

You said you’d book a table at your favorite rooftop bar in Manhattan, just a casual thing.

Bucky should have known you’d invite half of the city, instead.

He feigned a smile and tried not to flinch when they jumped out in surprise, Steve at least having the sense to look guilty.

“She planned it, man. Didn’t want you to think we didn’t all love you.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and slung his arm around your shoulder, already resigned to the night being ruined. But he kissed you sweetly and murmured, “Thank you, babe. I love it.”

“Everyone here is so happy they get you in their life,” you whispered back, resting your forehead against his as you sighed. “Especially me. I can’t wait to celebrate a million more of these.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “God, this serum might just make that possible.”

“If only I’d be so lucky,” you grinned, dragging him along to a table near the edge of the rooftop. “Come here, I have someone I want you to meet.”

“Oh?” There was a group of people gathered away from the crowd, a man at the center of it laughing. Bucky froze, yanking you back by the hand. “Wait. Is that… you didn’t.”

You shrugged, biting back a smirk. “I did.”

A cousin’s friend’s friend happened to know the publicist for Keith Richards, who was in the city with the Stones for a show later that week. They were Bucky’s favorite band, and he was convinced Keith must have gotten some version of the serum to survive the 80s.

He snapped out of it, turning to you with a huge smile on his face. “I love you.”

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Go on, fangirl with your favorite person. Happy birthday, baby.”

Bucky shook his head, cupping your face and kissing you hard. You licked into his mouth, moaning softly before remembering where you were, pulling away and feeling yourself blush.

He grinned, kissing you again quickly. “You’re my favorite person. Best gift ever.” He turned and headed towards the group surrounding the rock star, and you made sure no one bothered them for the rest of the night. And you were only slightly jealous.

You didn’t get back home until after 3AM, Bucky going on and on about his conversation with Keith in the cab. You grinned, sitting down on the bed as you slipped off your jacket and dress, leaving them in a pile on the floor to deal with tomorrow.

“So the night was good?”

Bucky sighed, collapsing down beside you. “No, actually. You kinda ruined my birthday.”

You frowned, leaning over and brushing a piece of hair from his temple. “I know you wanted something small, but I thought inviting Keith Richards would be more special—“

“But it was supposed to be just you, me, and our close friends where we went on our first date, so I could ask you something I’ve been preparing for for months,” he explained nonchalantly, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out a ring.

You felt your heart drop, staring at the diamond ring in his hand as Bucky slowly slid off the bed and onto one knee, taking your hand. “And now you’re making me do this at 3AM the morning after my birthday, in my stupid bedroom, nothing special at all—“

“James Buchanan Barnes, shut the fuck up,” your whispered, hands shaking as Bucky gave them a squeeze and smiled softly at you, holding up the ring.

“Fine, but one more thing. Will you marry me?”

You felt your vision get blurry, every moment in your relationship replaying in your mind— the first day your met, when he’d been walking in the park deciding whether he should live or die; every night you woke up from his nightmares, holding him until he could breathe again; all the times he tried to hurt himself, all the nights you whispered how much you cared about each other, every time he made you laugh until it hurt and he made love to you like he was worshipping you.

But he was still healing. Every day was a fight against himself. And someday you feared you wouldn’t be there in time. You couldn’t lose him, not as a best friend, not as a boyfriend, not as a husband. “Buck,” you started, voice cracking with emotion. “Promise me. This is for forever, right?”

There was a look in his eye like he knew exactly what you were thinking; and he probably did. He was so good at reading you. It’s why he never doubted your love for him, even if he doubted how much he deserved it every day. But he didn’t take this lightly— truth be told, he’d thought about this from the first month he met you. And he wouldn’t have asked you if he didn’t know it was more than a marriage proposal.

It was him finally deciding once and for all, to live.

“Listen. I love you now. I’m with you now. I’ll do my best, moment to moment, to be here now. That’s all I can promise. That’s all I have.”

You let out a watery laugh, smiling. “That’s all I ever wanted.”

Bucky held out the ring again, a worried smile of his own on his face. “So, will you be my wife?”

And despite giving him the best birthday and the worst proposal, he wouldn’t have changed a single thing when you said yes.

#bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky fic #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #bucky fanfic

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futfemfantasies · 1 year

Text

TV \\ leah williamson x León!reader

Request: “...can you do a leah w x reader imagine inspired by tv by billie eilish?”

I am uneducated on Billie’s songs so I hope I do it justice anon 😬 and i’m jumbling the lyrics up a little, sorry 😬 I hope you enjoy!

Song lyrics are bold with italics.

Mapi is your older sister! :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't wanna talk right now I just wanna watch TV I put on Survivor just to watch somebody suffer

“No Leah, I don’t want to talk to you right now” You say as you walk into your locker room at the Barca training grounds.

“Please Y/N, let me explain” Leah pleads with you.

“Leah there’s nothing for you to explain. You were caught kissing her on multiple occasions. The photos explain themselves”

“Baby please, let me explain” You roll your eyes at the lame apology.

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have kissed her. We’re over Leah. I can’t believe I was going to propose when I saw you next. Goodbye”

Before Leah got the chance to respond, you ended the call. You threw your phone harshly against the ground. Luckily no one else was there. You put your bag away and took your boots outside to get some extra practice in. Ball after ball went in either the top left or right corner and your teammates watched on the sidelines. After the 10th ball went in, you felt a hand on your shoulder and you turn around to see your older sister Mapi.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“I’m fine” You grumble back to Mapi.

“Hey Y/N! Why is Leah calling me asking to speak to you? Also is this yours?” Lucy asks confused as she walks over to you holding a smashed up phone.

“Ask her why” You say as you take your phone before walking to get some water.

Your teammates are now officially worried. You aren’t your usual fun, bubbly self during practice. Instead you’re taking everything so serious and haven’t even cracked a smile once. When training finishes, you’re the first one in the locker room and the first out. You get in your car and text the team group chat saying you feel sick so you might not be there for a few days. After getting into your apartment, you grab a bottle of wine and head up to your room where you turn your phone off and watch Survivor. It might be comforting to watch someone else go through pain when I am, you think.

Maybe I should get some sleep What's the point of anything?

After nearly a whole bottle of wine and 5 episodes of survivor, you decide to call it a night. You turn on your phone again and you see mainly missed calls from Leah, Mapi, Alexia and Ingrid. You reply a ‘im fine, stop worrying’ to Mapi before turning it off again and going to sleep until whenever. For at least an hour, you were rolling around so much that you built up a sweat. You turn on your phone and see it’s just after 4am. Using the phone flashlight, you walk downstairs and get a glass of water. You read Mapi’s reply first.

Maps 👯‍♀️: i’m never going to stop worrying, you know that. To Maps 👯‍♀️: maybe you should. i’m not a little kid anymore

You put your glass in the sink and went back upstairs. As you went to charge your phone, you see it. You reach to grab the velvet box and open it to see what would have been Leah’s engagement ring. You continue to stare at the custom made diamond and start to think what’s the point of anything?. After looking at the very expensive diamond You jumped awake several hours later to bangs on the door.

“Get up right now Y/N/N” You hear the lovely voice of your sister ring through the door.

“Go away Mapi”

“Not until you talk to me” Mapi pushes.

“You’re going to be here a while”

“Y/N Y/M/N León Cebrián open the fucking door right now!” You instantly got up from the bed and stared down Mapi and Alexia.

You got back into bed and Mapi got on one side while Alexia got on the other. You knew you had to open up eventually but you were scared to. You’ve never been the one to share your feelings, that’s when the notes app on your phone. it took you approximately a minute before you started to breakdown and you fell into your sisters arms.

After crying for a while, you compose yourself, somewhat and take the glass of water Alexia was offering you.

“What happened y/n/n?” Alexia asks softly.

“Leah she um, she cheated on me with Jordan”

“Wait her ex-girlfriend Jordan? I’m going to kill her!” Mapi stands and goes on a rant for a minute before sitting at the end of the bed again.

“How are you feeling?” Mapi asks putting her hand on yours.

“I was going to propose Map. Two more weeks and I would’ve proposed. I think I’m problem”

Mapi and Alexia spent the next few hours talking about some strategies to help this, since both girls have been cheated on before. You didn’t have any negative thoughts when the girls were there which was a change from your negativity the past few weeks.

Mapi decided that a movie day would be beneficial and you all shuffle downstairs to the living room. You get blankets out of the closet and Alexia makes popcorn in the microwave. Mapi quickly puts on your favourite movie and half way through the movie, you hear a loud knock at the door. You get up to go answer and when you do, you are lost for words.

“Hi Y/N”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

y/n = your name

y/n/n = your nickname

y/m/n = your middle name

Send in your suggestions, I’m open to anything within reason :)

#womens soccer #leah williamson x reader #woso imagine #woso soccer #espwnt x reader

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marshiebun · 19 days

Note

what if you made a new public twitter account instead? all fresh and new

i dont rly want people to think im running away from my past though. i feel like people would take it the wrong way, i dont want to seem like im hiding from anything bc what i took responsibility for in the past is still important to me. and i mean.. i still go by 'marshiecritter' so it'd be a bit silly

i dunno, i just wish ppl would not assume the worst i guess? i really just wanna go back so i can interact with my friends again and post art, thats rly all i want lol. none of my friends really use tumblr, despite how lovely it is here compared to twitter. i dont gaf about having a platform, but people ended up pinning me as a 'popular osc artist' and then when that crashed down it was a lot to take in. it sounds stupid but theres some lame twitter callout trauma i have from it that im still dealing with, having hundreds of people suddenly turn on you and say you're disgusting is a lot and it's very difficult to process

i just really wanna talk to more people that like the things i do! its been really lonely being confined to my priv, and even though im super extremely grateful to have mutuals and friends that understand me and support me, the outer osc is really scary. i dont want people to believe im some horrible gross nasty guy, because ive genuinely reflected on everything and learned. i've put a huge amount of work in emailing people, splitting off from problematic people, and making amends with others trying to mend my mistakes. why else would i make a whole video using my real voice addressing everything as much as i could?

some day i'll return, but for now i'm just scared of what people will think. because there are definitely still people out there that despise me, and all i want is to heal from that

#text #vent #? kind of?

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heeracha · 1 year

Text

ep 28. / ep 29. — the one where jay can't because he's busy. / ep 30.

end of the line. — p. jongseong

synopsis: thinking it was a hotline for people who just need someone to talk to, jay calls. but why did a clueless student answer? with jay’s phone call has a time limit, you, the clueless student, insists on staying with him until the end of the line.

pairing: jay x f!reader

content/genre: college au (wow shocking), slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.

warning(s): friends teasing friends, yk affectionate teasing, swearing, tell me if i missed something !! jay lowkey being a jerk,,,,,, rejecting.

note: here's the playlist <3 ,,,,,,,,,oops

as jay enters the dorm, sunoo is at his side of the dorm with a soft smile on his face. “good day?” jay asks and sunoo hums.

“it was okay,” sunoo says and jay nods as he goes to his side. he puts his bag on his swivel chair, eyes catching a small note sitting on his laptop. he grabs it and opens it as he reads the note. he doesn’t know what he was expecting, but he wasn’t expecting it would make his eyes go wide.

hi i like your style. people like you never go out of style. wanna see if your style goes with mine?

y/n

p.s. my friend suggested this, so… ignore it, that was stupid. would you like to go get coffee some time?

jay frowns, taking his phone as he opens the thousands of messages you sent him.

honey, i gave the note to my cute guy !!

well, i asked my friend to give it to him

omg im so scared

why did i use your lame style line

ISTG HONEY IF MY CUTE GUY REJECTS ME ITS YOUR FAULT

what the fuck? you’re bubs. he has been talking to you all along. simping over you to you all this time. it’s you. how the hell can he talk to you now that he knows it’s you? he should tell you, right? of course, he should tell you. but how?

of course, it makes so much sense. whenever he tells bubs he had interaction with you, bubs has interaction with her cute guy, too. the bake sale, you sounded way too familiar. your tweets were somewhat always connected to bubs. he even remembered the week he and bubs fought, he kept checking his phone all the time and when sunoo asked him to join him with you and the others, jay noticed how you kept checking your phone, too.

“so, what do i tell her?” sunoo asks with a wide smile as jay turns to him with a frown.

“i can’t. i’m busy.” jay says and sunoo frowns. “don’t tell the other three about this.”

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen smau #jay imagines #jay scenarios #jay x reader #jongseong imagines

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blkkizzat · 6 days

Note

hi im shy so i haven't interacted b4 but i luv your fics! i like that you write stories & just don't post smau or twt porn links.

Hey nonny! TY for liking my work, its appreciated!! I do encourage you to interact though, even if its just a comment or continued anon msgs cause they do encourage me to write. I also really like receiving them <33 so I hope you or anyone else feels comfy to interact with me. *i dont bite i promiseeeee*

However, I honestly don't think theres anything wrong with smaus or twt porn links.

I incorporated smaus into my fics before. I adore writing or reading a good crack fic/post so I definitely think they have their place too and they are funny! I just personally struggle when it comes to writing shorter content so not something in my wheelhouse to do. (lol anything i write under 1k words i automatically think is dogshit. lol someone teach me to write short stuff i beg.)

Also I be EATING UP those twt porn links!! I don't post any of my own as my twitter is a stan account and I don't follow/like/retwt porn on there cause I don't want to mess up my algorithm. But I do be bookmarking them HEAVY! They are good reference material for my smut fics tbh.

Also I try to stay out of the mess/discourse cause I feel like people should be able to enjoy what they like without writing lame dissertations in defense/debating about it. But since we are on the topic already I'll add I haven't really understood the hate for them in particular, especially those saying people who like/post them have porn addictions because what!? Like we are not all on here to write/read smut?? pot---meet--->kettle. Anyway I guess I can understand the frustration some have when they assume they are stealing attention away from fics, but idk tumblr is huge and there is a place/audience for everyone is my belief. I've seen many long 6k+ fics breaking 20k+ so I think theres interest in long fics as well (one of my 7k+ fic has 18k+ notes). But I work in marketing, am getting my MBA right now and have worked in the middle of business and creative my entire career (at one point i worked for Twitch directly with streamers/influencers) so I can say when it comes to anything content/creative driven its honestly it's less about the quality of the individual work and more about regularly finding, interacting and catering to your audience if you really care about notes that much . I think its far more important though to do it for fun. Especially since we are not getting paid and doing this for free-99! So much creativity gets stifled when its too much about the business/results/notes side and you are working to please others/for clout. Thats a whole ass job in itself lmfao! I used to write on ff.net back in the day (years ago omfg) and stressed myself out so much from all the reviews/requests that I ended up abandoning it and was scared to write fanfics for years because of the anxiety of 'letting ppl down' until I got back into it last fall and decided to stop giving a fuck LOL.

Ahhh but I could ramble on about that for hours so let me stop I'm doing what I said I didn't want to do cause this is def now a mini dissertation from me going down the rabbit hole on this LMFAO! (im long-winded af lol)

But ty for the ask nonny I hope you come back soon <3

#kizzatanswers #anons #kizzatrambles

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deerlottie · 2 months

Note

reader has being very anxious lately and has read that weed can help so one day she beats her fear and goes under the bench where the stoners are. she doesn’t know elsewhere to look and thinks that those guys, being older, are cool and maybe rude to her but when she goes she just finds nat and van, two older losers very high who welcome her lamely and share their joints immediately. she feels so welcome in this queer environment that the three end up being inseparable and freaks together :3

nat making fun of you for being so shy because "we're just a bunch of losers, why are you so scared?" thinking about them teaching you how to hit the blunt and laughing at how you hack up a lung every time LMAO. van would 100% give u some edibles so you could sneak it around better at home :3

it's now a tradition to go meet up with them in between classes and smoke <3 van sees how quiet and shy you still are and makes an effort to get you out of ur shell every time!!! always asking u random questions and just smiling at how much more talkative you've become since that first day you met them :( AHHH now im thinking about a perks of being a wallflower type au with themmmmm

#natalie scatorccio thoughts 💭#van palmer thoughts 💭

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eddiebabygirldiaz · 2 months

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im really so tired of the way things are, of being who i am, oh being stuck in this cycle that never ends. every day is the same and i am suffocating here but even if i somehow manage to make it out one day will it even make a difference? i'll still be alone, still be utterly incapable of being someone worth staying for, i don't know how to be someone people want to be around, i don't know how to be someone other people love, myself has never been enough, never been right or interesting enough, so ive contorted myself into a million wrong shapes and now im so lost and im so scared i always will be. because really im nothing. not good or bad, not great or lame, just nothing. bland and undesirable. so it'll be me and the nothingness because i don't know any other way to be and i hate it i hate it i hate it

#delete later #ry rambles

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anonil88 · 5 months

Text

I realize some people who believe coming out is redundant or being confident about your sexuality without "shouting it to the world" still have a lot of shame to unpack. Even people who seem so annoyed or laissez-faire when sexuality is brought up may skirt around the words "I like (insert gender or person of said gender)". Theres no need to "pick a label" if anyone don't want to but some people are just worried of the stigma or have lost vital people in their lives due to their existing. So it feels easier to distance themselves from terms like butch or any lgbtq identity because they're afraid of what others think but also the things we say to ourselves that no one hears. And so people backtrack. It happens and unfortunately some do it more publicly than others.

Yes it annoying to have people only bring it up or to have people speculate. That behavior can really also get someone to stay quiet or feel pressured and isn't okay. It is something else to bite your own tongue so hard with a smile on your face. But, thats not recognized as shame its only seen as "oh people are just invasive so I don't have to face it myself" instead of oh okay I'm afraid because this thing is seen as bad. Which I could rant about how bad=sin religious theology and "sex is bad rhetoric" etc. but I won't. This time.

I saw something recently about relationships and how there is a difference between private and secret. That's what seems to be happening with the whole hush hush sexuality era we're in and im afraid if we do that enough we'll end up "coming out is lame"-ing ourselves right back into closets, arranged lavender marriages (not talking bout the ppl who do it for family or benefits reasons), and a 1960s ad version of queer people. Squeaky and clean rainbows with the aesthetics of a radicalness that will no longer exist.

I guess the TLDR of this is:

From the non famous to the famous, old or young, rich or poor lgbtq people will turn scared at one point in their journey. Often because of society and community imposed shame but also the shame we internalize.

I've been there and maybe all queer people go through it in some way. Its something you've gotta face one day or you will never get to the freedom of truly not giving a flying fuck. Process it and love yourself wholly.

#billie eilish #coming out #shame #queer shame #gay shame #no need to come out

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lumineescente · 6 months

Text

Seungjin drabble (slowtober challenge)

hii im doing a thing called slowtober (made by @/oeildesaturne on instagram, french speaking folks check it out!! although be aware of tw mental health and eds talks) and i’m posting on twitter a seungjin au per word

I’m late in the updating on tumblr but for the seventh days (october 19th - 21st) the word was “ghost”

i was extremely tempted to write angst i'm not gonna lie, but i decided not to (because it is seungjin and they deserve all the sweetest thing in the world and no angst unless there is comfort) so i went on the other side of it - no pun intended there - and go for something very fun!

if you know new girl you'll recognize my inspiration btw

this is just a silly love confession gone wrong, haunted house funfair are involved and accidental hitting too!

oh btw when i'm done with this challenge i'll hold a little poll on twitter to see which drabble should be written as a whole fic!! so if you like it, you might want to follow this:) (or not) (like it's up to you)

and i keep forgetting to thanks everyone for their time hehe<3 i appreciate every likes!

AND if you enjoyed this challenge who is now over you can vote on this form for your favorite that I’ll be writing into a full fic on ao3! (“soumettre” is “submit” btw)

if you want to check all the drabbles you can go here

In Hyunjin’s opinion the funfair is more lame than fun, but he is here for Seungmin and it goes way above and beyond any lame thing he can attend. Even if it means ruining his Halloween night, and bringing all his friends into his doom, because Seungmin got this stupid job in a haunted house. The overwhelming romantic feelings, and painfully one sided, he has for his best friend of several years has obviously nothing to do with these kind of decision. Never. No matter what Minho would say about it. Or Felix, or Jisung.

Anyway, he twitches in his halloween costume. Way before this whole situation happened, Hyunjin had decided to make his costume a bit funnier than usual, when they were supposed to celebrate it in the warmth of a house, and had picked a slutty nurse costume. Except now the skirt is definitely way too short for his liking, showing too much of his legs and the autumn night has no mercy on his skin. He could have changed when he had known the plan would, but Hyunjin is terribly stubborn.

Parents of young children are looking at him with horrified eyes, he stands a bit taller in his costume. Although he is not sure if it is the slutty or the skirt part that horrifies them, he can bet that they would have been less upset about it if he had been dressed as a man. Fuck them.

“You look very sexy,” he hears Seungmin’s voice say to him.

“I’m also very cold,” he answers.

Seungmin sits down in front of him. Hyunjin is holding on to a cup of hot beverage like his life depends on it, maybe it does though. Seungmin is dressed as a ghost, well not like the easy kind, with just a white sheet or anything. For such a little funfair and a haunted house that is so tacky Minho has already told them he had went two times and had not been scared once, the make up artists and costumers are very good.

Hyunjin is a scaredy cat, he would rather die than enter the haunted house, it can be as predictable as possible he knows he will end up on the floor crying, so he would rather wait outside for Seungmin to be done.

“I have a coat that I don’t use,” Seungmin tells him, “does not suit the vibe very much, plus it’s hot in the house.”

Hyunjin shakes his head.

“Then die in the cold,” his best friend flatly says.

“Hey! Being sexy comes with a price.”

“You’d be sexy fully covered or dressed as a pumpkin, what you wear does not matter.”

Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, “sexy pumpkin? Is that your thing?”

Seungmin blushes. Hyunjin can not see it under his make up but he knows him well enough to guess it. He feels proud of himself for that, if he can not do anything about his one-sided attraction at least he knows him better than anyone else, and knows exactly what to say at what time. So there is that.

“That’s not…” Seungmin stutters, “don’t be stupid! I’m just complimenting you.”

Hyunjin blinks several time, registering exactly what all of this meant. It is not unusual for Seungmin and him to compliment each other, even on their apparences. Well Hyunjin could never spend a day without telling Seungmin how handsome he looks (he makes sure not to make him uncomfortable of course), but there is something different in the tone of his voice. An embarrassment, or maybe it is the term that he has used. Hyunjin’s not sure.

“You think I’m sexy,” he says, “all the time.”

“Yeah, of course. You are so attractive it’s stupid, not that it’s the only thing that I like about you.”

Maybe the cold has frozen all his braincells, maybe but he does not react at all and Seungmin looks away.

“Sorry, forget about it,” he mutters, “I gotta go back to work, break is over.”

Hyunjin opens his mouth but nothing comes out and before he can do anything else Seungmin is gone. He stays still for a moment, trying to process what he has just heard.

“Hey,” Felix says.

His costume is way too complicated for the place they are, a cosplay from some video game he enjoys so much, and he struggles to sit down on the spot Seungmin has just left. He moves his hand in front of Hyunjin’s eyes when he has no answer, “Earth to Hyunjin?” he adds.

“Felix,” Hyunjin says in a very low voice that startles the latter, “is it possible that… maybe, Seungmin likes me?”

Felix’s hat almost drops off his head as he lets out the longest and deepest sigh he has ever had, “woh, the question is more is it possible that Seungmin does not like you? And the answer is no, by the way.”

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asks, confused, “what do you mean?”

“Well I’m sorry to break it to you but you know every time you came to me crying because of your one sided feelings for Seungmin? They never were one sided.”

“Why didn’t you tell me??”

Hyunjin stands up, suddenly getting the control of his body back. The beverage falls down on the table spilling hot chocolate everywhere but he does not care.

“Hey! I tried! Don’t blame the messenger, you both are so oblivious it’s stupid and also kind of entertaining.”

“Fuck,” Hyunjin mutters already not listening to whatever Felix is saying, “I’ll be back.”

Without thinking he starts running toward the hunting house. There’s no need for a ticket since they paid to enter the place in the first place. He probably scares a bunch of kids and outraged some more parents but if he starts to think he will back down and he can not because Seungmin now is probably thinking that Hyunjin rejected him or something.

He regrets it immediately when he enters the house and the lights are shut down and the floor is cracking under his feet and he hears laughter in the echo, and screaming. His blood turns cold in his veins, he makes one step forward but something sticky touches him on the shoulder and he screams, painfully aware at how much skin is out to be touched. He wants to cry.

He is a man on a mission, so he does not and goes on, yelling for Seungmin’s name a bit louder every time something scares him (every two seconds).

Weird things are touching him, the floor is either too viscous or too thin, moving or painfully still, he tries not to lose his balance as fear entirely flood his brain. The noises are too loud between the children screaming in fear and the scary music and sounds everywhere. In theory he knows every trap he encounters are made up but it still works every time.

He enters a new room and feel a hand catching his shoulder and he does not think as he screams and pushes back. He hears a loud noise that has nothing to do with the haunted house, and a bunch of curses, and suddenly two people catch him and hold him on the ground. He tries to fight back but their hold is too strong. The lights are blueish in the room and his eyes have finally being used to the obscurity.

“Seungmin, are you okay?” someone says panic in their voice.

Hyunjin’s brain focuses back. In the side of the room he sees a silhouette getting up from the floor, helped by another one.

“Yeah, I’m fine I just hit my head on the side.”

“Oh my god,” he stutters, “I’m so sorry.”

The two people over him hold even tighter, he let out a scream of pain.

“Seungmin, it’s me,” he mutters, “fuck, I’m so sorry I just got scared!”

“Hyunjin?!”

He sighs as he recognize Seungmin’s voice.

“It’s me, are you hurt? Did I hurt you?”

“You can let him go,” Seungmin tells the two persons.

They seem unwilling to agree to that.

“Please,” Hyunjin whimpers, overwhelmed by the entire situation and the fact that he still is terrified by the whole haunted house. “I’m really sorry.”

Eventually they do and Seugmin goes to his side, “why are you here? Hyunjin this is so…”

“I like you! Like more than a friend.”

He hates himself this is the worst way to confess to his long time crush. After hurting him and in the middle of a haunted house, in front of obviously very judgmental people right now. He can not blame them for that. Seungmin stares in disbelief.

“Is this why you pushed me?”

“No! This is because I was scared, I’m still very scared.”

Seungmin shakes his head but he faintly hears him laugh.

“Okay, I’m going to take a break and get checked by a doctor, okay?”

Everyone agrees to that. He then stares once again at Hyunjin who is still lying down on the floor.

“I’m wondering if you deserve to finish the haunted tour by yourself or…”

“I’m really sorry,” he repeats.

Seungmin extends a hand that he grabs and gets up.

“Fine,” he tells him, “but that’s because I like you like more than a friend too.”

The sparkles that Hyunjin feels in his heart manage to make the scary atmosphere fade away. Seungmin still holds his hand and he feels warm. He gets closer to him. Maybe the funfair is not that lame.

#my writing #seungjin #drabble #slowtober challenge #word;ghost #hwang hyunjin #kim seungmin #skz drabble #stray kids drabble #hwangseung #luminee:slowtober challenge

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kosmic-arts · 8 months

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An Unhinged KH Rant That I Needed To Get Out of My Brain

here i am, once again, tortured by hypotheticals like- "what if kingdom hearts didn't suck?" and, "if i could rewrite kh, how and what would i cut or add?"

honestly,, my ideal kingdom hearts timeline is kh1, com, kh2, and days. that's literally it. games extending backwards or forwards from the end of kh2 (bbs & ddd kh3 unioncrossfuckinghell) really sapped the life from the series imo. in a better world, square and disney would've put kingdom hearts to rest by 2, and we would've all grown up and moved on with happy memories :))))

lol. but is it possible to extend the story of kh without draining it of all the magic, mystery, and charm established since kh1? by now i think we can all agree that here at the tailend of the timeline (kh3), this game has reduced itself to a fake deep shitpost soulless disney ad. :) -so, how could it be done anyway? ultimately, bbs would have to exist. you would need something to expand on the story's lore, and the lore of the keyblade and it's wielders is a prime target. i love and hate bbs; but i do think it really takes away from the charm of the keyblade itself and the mystery surrounding it. explains too much, if you will. lets not get into how the wayfinder trio spends their entire time talking about how much they gotta train and how their entire lives revolve around training and how wooden and stiff a vast majority of their interactions are eraqus dont even get me started he is so boring do not talk to me about the shitty gacha paytowin mobile game god help me also their shitty mark of mastery exam is with the fucking flying balls its so lame are you telling me this is what keyblade masters are capable of; what fucking happened to lingering will in kh2fm??? why cant we do any of that shit in bbs? wheres the fuckin keyblade transformations and capes in that game-

ok. bbs would have to exist… but it should've revived kh1's way of integrating disney plots into the main story. ALL the games shouldve revived that trick post kh2. whats the point of disney being a major half of these games if you dont use them. like- ven goes to fucking cinderella world and meets cinderella (NOT AS A RAT), and ven is sad and lost an looking for his friends and cinderella convinces her stepmother to hire ven as a stableboy or a peasent servant or some shit. something to get a roof over his head. ventus learns from cinderella about her dreams and it gets him thinking about what he wants out of life… maybe he wants to see his friends succeed and become masters but thats mainly just a pretty excuse hes been using to mask his true feelings. truthfully hes scared of getting left behind. maybe he discovers that he feels inadequate in comparison to his friends, and fears for the inevitable future where they leave home to lead their own lives/search for their own apprentices. fuck idk. 1 talk with cinderella could unlock all of that. easy. imagine writing. what a concept.

WHAT im saying is. disney shouldn't exist in kh just to be an ad. the reason why sora in kh1 came to the conclusion that MY FRIENDS ARE MY POWER, is because of the lessons he learned in each of the disney worlds up until his confrontation with riku. he literally explains his entire reasoning before he says the line- the disney plots mattered to sora's character development! by the end of the game, he became so much more wisened and was capable of butting heads with ansem who had studied all the esoteric makings of the universe and thought he knew where life began and eneded: darkness lol. but sora had come to a different conclusion: kingdom hearts is light!!! lmao!! it was an asspull, but shit. i could follow the line of logic well enough and it was cool and dramatic without insulting my intelligence.

what am i talking about? disney? i think the timeline extending backwards as far as bbs is serviceable, but nothing in this world will convince me otherwise from the belief that unioncross is hot garbage and needlessly complicates the plot to an insane degree. its literally star wars prequel movies but even shittier, but this time, theres a casino for the little kids!!! yay!! :))

aanyway. what about ddd..? the resurrection of org 13 needs to not fucking happen. and if it does, only like, 4 of the 13 and half of them arent even enemies. i dont want to kill guys i already slaughtered 2 games ago. theyre not threatening anymore GOD. what if kingdom hearts established new villians starting from ddd that would lead into kh3 being a whole new story? pretty epic right? it would be just like how com introduced the org13 the first time after ansem was beaten to lead into kh2! woww! but, like, who would this hypothetical new ddd-introduced villian be? we all know the kh team cant design characters for shit who aren't walking talking black coats. MoM? lol? i like the guy, but hes an overpowered omnipotent all knowing god that is too strong to feasibly be beaten by anyone without a humongeous ass pull deus ex machina to solve the problem. like c'mon, dont act surprised when sora inevitably walks up to him, goes- "light light friendship heart. the future can be changed!" and then MoM is like, "ah fuck i guess you're right. i suppose i, the master of masters, the most powerful keyblade wielder ever, maybe even the progenitor and also seer of all time and existance who knows everything you're going to do before you're going to do it-- knows less than you. i was wrong all along. guess ill die!". don't act like it wont happen like that :))). you really think the kh writers are competent enough to handle a character as difficult to manage as MoM? he's a cool guy, but they fucked up trapping him in this garbage game.

lmao. but anyway, who knows who this hypothetical new ddd villian would be. but it would have to be some other dumbfuck obsessed with the (((power of kingdom hearts))). thats the name of the game after all. so really, what im actually saying is- kh3 shouldve been a whole new storyline with new villians and plot, rather than dredging up closed plotlines from the previous games. we shouldnt have to be waiting till mf kh4 just for a new story. im not playing that game btw. not unless square figures out how to make a game fun to play like its literal 20 yr old predecessors of kh1&2, while also not selling me the fixes to the game in a 40$ dlc. fuck you. REMIND me not to ever play this shitty game ever again.

ok. i think im ok… i got everything out my system. bbs shouldn't have been garbage where you cant even be like lingering will by the end of the game. also disney worlds need to serve a purpose in kh beyond serving merely as ads… ddd shouldve introduced a new villian for a new plotline continued in kh3, rather than retconning and resurrecting everything from the previous games… and MoM is a cool guy trapped in a shit game that will inevitably get botched. yup.

ok i feel better now.

#kingdom hearts #kh #ramblings #ive been psychologically tortured by this game recently i needed to perform my annual kh mega rant to clear my head

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wintersoldierbmb · 11 months

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thursday june 6 i feel like a useless person.

im not depressed and haven’t been for like a year now but i can feel it creeping back in. family drama somehow found a way to me and without saying too much i don’t know who to trust anymore. people really don’t care about me as much as they lie and say they do.

on another note I’m just not motivated to do anything anymore. i wish i could just die. i don’t want to be useless. even though i am in college and stuff i still feel like my life is going to go nowhere and i’ll just be another person existing, taking up everyone else’s oxygen for no reason. i don’t deserve to live if i can’t be useful. i feel like i am incapable of doing the simplest of tasks and that makes me feel like i have no future. i wish someone would get rid of me so i don’t have to kill myself. i wish i didn’t have ADHD. i wish my mind wasn’t on a trillion things at once all the time. i wish i was easy for people to understand. i wish the smallest ripples in how i feel in a moment didn’t have the potential to make my whole day crash and burn. i really wish i was rich, and if not rich then at least normal so that i could be a functioning member of society and be able to get a job or something. i wish i had my own house but i will probably never get one because i can’t save money for the life of me. music isn’t working even though I’ve been consistently doing that since i was born (literally) so there’s another goal in the trash. i have been wasting my time with everything i try to pursue. i should just die.

i’m 19 years old and the only asset i have is the fact that i’m in college. i passed my summer one classes (i think) and i can’t even celebrate it. i can’t bring myself to be happy about that achievement. all i can do is thank God and move on. internally i’m not happy or proud of myself. even now i want to drop out. i am my biggest enemy. i’m not capable of doing things everyone else has learned to do when they were 15, 16, 17 in high school. i don’t think i have an interesting future or even a good one at all. i will die with regrets on how i lived my life. if i grow old, it will be into a life of regret of how lame i was as a youth, and how i didn’t choose to do what everyone else did. my perception on life is very skewed, but i don’t even know how to look at life anymore. i spent so much time being high and under the influence in the past few years that it was the only reality i could function in. now i’m trying to be sober again and not depend on weed to make me a normal person and the only thing it is doing is making me feel like shit inside. my self worth is only high on one day out of the week (probably because i was high that day) and for the rest of the week i feel worthless. if i killed myself i wouldn’t hurt a lot of people except for MAYBE my mom and i don’t want to do that to her.

i feel like something is wrong with me or that i am mentally retarded. everyone else seems to have the necessary brainpower to do everything they need to in life, but here i am being slow in mine. i try every day to improve my work ethic and attitude about living, but my insecurities overwhelm me. all i can think about is how dumb i feel. i feel like a stupid person. i am not intelligent or as intelligent as people make me out to be. if i was in any situation worse than i have been in in my life i probably wouldn’t make it. i thank God every day for always giving me another chance, but i feel sad because i feel like i’m wasting it. He is too merciful to someone who cannot make anything for himself. music is all i have to offer anymore. nothing about me is special or different enough for me to get recognized for. i don’t even feel like a real person anymore. i feel like i’m nobody. i should die soon and quit wasting everyone’s time, but i’m too scared to do it to myself. drugs are the only thing that “restore” me, but thats how you end up being a fucking junkie. i will never be a junkie. i’m hoping one of these days i overdose or get a bad batch of some weed or tale a strange pill or get spiked and die from it. i don’t want torture or deserve a long painful death as i haven’t done anything to earn that. the only thing that i need to do is die. quickly

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