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whmp · 4 months

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in case you're just here for the good stuff, i'll be tagging my personal ramblings as #whmpersonal so you can avoid em BUT this is tangentially related to the game project i'm working on, so stick around i guess? tl;dr: i'll probably make a more coherent post where I ask ppl for help (especially artists). also, i'll be more attentive and answer your asks faster, hopefully. : )

anyway, after a bit of a "review" of my creative process (and i guess my uhh way of living in general?) i've noticed that it's a huge clusterfuck. and that it has been since i was a kid. without some external pressure or an imposed structure (like deadlines, parents or strongly worded emails) i just sort of relied on random surges of productivity to carry me through life. on one hand, it's kinda fun: most of the time i'm not doing anything valuable and then all of a sudden i condense weeks worth of work into several sleepless days during which i feel like An Immortal Unstoppable God. lighting bolts shoot from my fingertips, my eyes glow in the dark, and my caffeine-to-blood volume ratio is hovering around 1.

unfortunately, it's not really sustainable. the "not doing anything valuable" stage that takes up most of my time is not me just chilling. it's me freaking the fuck out about not doing anything despite wanting to and finding myself just. not able to. not to mention that some things just need minor, but constant maintenance - at best i'd just forget about them and face the consequences later on. at worst i'd be acutely aware of them while procrastinating, clueless as to what's wrong with me.

couple that with a couple other unhealthy habits, a microscopic attention span and wow, i fit like all the criteria for adhd. i gotta admit i was super sceptical at first when doing any research, since, well. how the fuck am i even supposed to gain any unbiased insight into this. anyway, i spent a stupid amount of money on an official diagnosis (seriously why is this not covered by insurance gsygx), it took a million meetings and tests and i get a piece of paper that says i have add and deserve some medication.

this has also made me realize that i'm spread out super thin when it comes to projects. i love every single one of them, but im going to have to be a bit more realistic in terms of what can remain in "when it's done" limbo and what needs a bit of a push. the whump game is unique in that it's not just me who wants this to eventually get released. so! what this means is that it needs a proper, project structure. not a .txt on my desktop where i keep a backlog of missing features. but must important of all, it needs ~*people*~. this is the first time i took a step back and estimated how much time everything would take me and yeahhhh i was being very optimistic when i said "playable build in 2023" lol. i've been hesitant to ask for help bc 1. i'm stubborn : ) 2. im bad at coordinating stuff 3. i can't pay ppl - like seriously, there is one person making a model for me (if you're reading this sorry i didn't ask if you want a tag but this is just a personal post where i keep yapping) and it's looking so clean and professional,,, you gotta sell this as an asset.

HOWEVER im getting past the mentality of "i gotta do as much as i can by myself". and also taking meds so that im able to focus on tasks (both gamedev-related and others) and actually pay attention to what im doing. which is great news for development! and answering asks! ill be making a dev post where i tag all the ppl and will also ask for help.

that's it. im on a train rn and bored out of my mind so this is why this post exists, sorry. anyway check out this screenshot of a moment in clone high that i relate to deeply.

#whmpersonal #<- this is the tag #isn't it creative like wow i had to think about it for a couple of minutes #not tagging it as whump dev since it's just me rambling #I'm so bored you don't even know #this train is already late by like an hour??? god #shout out to łódź fabryczna gotta be one of the ugliest train stations known to man

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totorotattoo · 2 years

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tag 9 people you want to know better tag game thing.. it was on a big rb chain that was so long so i am making this a separate post so sorry.

i was tagged by @maeve-simone

hiii how are u?? thank u for the tag!! i love tag games

fav color: im liking pink right now tbh also green

currently reading: uhh just finished orlando by virginia woolf and am about to start giovanni’s room by james baldwin

last song: i’m listening to music RN and the song that’s playing is popscene by blur

last movie: twilight…

sweet/savory/spicy: IDK i like whichever one im eating at a certain time best/whatever i’m in the mood for

working on: procrastinating on working on a paper :-(

i will tagggg @gildedfairy @figluvrs @tallahassee2002 @tomhiddlestongf @motifbf @floweybug @mandapandaaaa and anyone else who wants to do it :D

#people i tagged: lmk if you dont want to be tagged in stuff pls #tag game #txt

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lesbianpepsi · 9 months

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Im going insane. I've been slouched over staring at a bright, white screen and reading words written by silly little men in the 1700s. (The U.S. Constitution) for the past 6 hours. It's 1:58 AM and I'm on my 5th cup of coffee and I've downed about 7 cups of water to balance it out. Life is awful, I'm a big procrastinator and school starts, technically tomorrow. So this assignment is technically due in 23 stupid hours. I regret putting this off, I should of listened to this stupid teachers warnings. I'm not even supposed to still be in High School rn, I'M A SUPER SENIOR. (I was enrolled into school really late bcs my parents didn't know what they were doing...they r immigrants and i was the first child, technically the experiment child) God give his toughest battles to his weakest soldiers

please keep safe dear anon and sleep enough. school is a fucking ass of a place and is the fucking worst at times. and i leave the papers till the last moment too and it's a pain in the ass and something i need to stop doing💀

i'm also really sorry for responding so late, dear, i hope your school day is going alright and please sleep enough tonight<3

#goose chats #anon message

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leverage-ot3 · 4 years

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to all the leverage ot3 fans out there

if you love that soulmate level shit, watch the haunting of bly manor

this season/series of the haunting saga is not as scary as hill house at all. it’s not even that scary. just a lil spooky. but it’s spooky season anyway so you’ll be fine.

the main love story is a wlw between the au-pair and the gardener in a (haunted) manor that takes place in 1985

their love story is honestly the best and healthiest love story I’ve ever seen aside from the leverage ot3 (however this is a very explicitly, stated, canonical love where they are seen kissing and in love whereas the leverage ot3 is all about subtly and subtext with some physical aspects).

they are domestic and pure and love each other wholly with all their hearts.

they literally move away from the fucking cursed house and open a flower shop in vermont. it’s literally a lesbian flower shop au. other creators would NEVER

it’s literally soulmate level shit and I love it

also it’s so fucking refreshing for a queer love story to not hve the main antagonistic theme be homophobia. especially since this takes place in the 80s. the only hint of discrimination was when they got their civil union certificate at around 2000 when it became legal in vermont. that’s it. no unnecessary, triggering homophobia in this one my dudes.

WARNING: this is a healthy and beautiful love story BUT the show has a tragic ending (that makes sense with the storytelling fashion. it is not a bury your gays trope though). you will cry. I cried the last 30 minutes of the finale even though I knew how it ended. HOWEVER, I would not take back watching it. witnessing their love was worth the pain of the tragedy, and that’s what the story really was.

after all, owen said it best in ep1: “to truly love another person is to accept that the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them."

(also see my sideblog for the haunting series at @thehauntingofnetflix)

#when I tell you I cried bitch I SOBBED UNCONTROLLABLY FOR THIRTY MINUTES #the most beautiful love story I’ve ever seen #I want a love like this #without the tragedy tho. just the soulmate level love #I want a flower shop wife while I’m a therapist and live our sapphic life in vermont #and LMFAO as someone that lives in vermont half the year when going to school I can absolutely say that burlington is gay culture #please watch it so we can talk about it I NEED to talk about it with someone #I worked in a hippie crystal and fashion store and I was LIVING #like half of us were gay and it was great #sorry I’ve been making rec posts lately it’s just me still trying to be active while sharing my hyperfixations with y’all #I’m hyperfixating on jatp and bly manor rn buT I PROMISE IM STILL HERE #I LOVE YALL SO MUCH #I’m just on a hyper fixation binge so I’m not as active but also school and work are murdering me #I wrote this instead of working on my 5-7 page paper due at 11:59 and also I work from 4-10 so pls pray for me and my procrastinating ass #dani x jamie #damie #leverage #leverage ot3 #parker x hardison x eliot #show recs #recs #mine

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cole-grey-writes · 3 years

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Brown Hair Braided

Universe: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Timeline: Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Character(s): Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes

Pairing(s): Stucky x Male Reader

Warning(s): tooth rotting fluff

Request: Hi king!! Your writing is amazing! I’d love to request a cuddly stucky x boyfriend reader. Bonus points for extra snuggly long haired Bucky and Steve and the reader playing with his hair.

A/n: WOW so sorry this took me a while to get up. I was busy with online classes and homework, all that shit. and if anyone is interested to know, i finished applying to my first college (yeah cutting it suuuper short but fuck im a procrastinator). I really hope you enjoy this fic. Keep sending in your requests, i really like writing for you guys!

You sit at the desk that sits in your bedroom, doing some last minute paperwork before the weekend. You’re startled from your focus and analytical thoughts when you get a frantic text from one of your boyfriends, Steve. You smile.

It's been a couple years since you had started going out with Steve but it still feels like you two were in the honeymoon phase. Steve brings a smile to your face at even the slightest mention of him. Although, you’re a little confused as to why Steve didn’t just call you. It’s what he usually prefers to converse with you while you are away from each other, Steve having told you it had something to do with liking to hear your voice. You chose not to dig further to spare Steve’s already tomato red face from exploding.

You turn away from your computer and small stack of papers, picking up your phone just as the screen lights up with another text.

Steve [5:23 p.m.] Y/N Y/N Y/N

Steve [5:23 p.m.] HEY

Steve [5:24 p.m.] ANSWER

You snort, wondering what Steve seems so excited about.

You [5:24 p.m.] what

Steve [5:23 p.m.] BUCK IS COMING HOME

You’re immediately sitting up straight, smile spreading even wider. You now understand why Steve had chosen to text you, probably embarrassed to start loudly squealing over their boyfriend coming home while in his place of work.

Bucky was your other boyfriend, something you wouldn’t have believed if you were to bring it up with your past self. This is mostly due to the almost palpable tension between the two of you when you and Bucky officially met about a year prior.

You, Steve, Sam, and occasionally Natasha, had been trailing after Bucky all over Europe for a few months. Bucky must have been slowly rebuilding himself during that time because he had suddenly stopped running right before you were going to hit the four (4) month mark.

You didn’t understand where all the awkwardness had been coming from. For all you knew, you were just looking for Steve’s childhood best friend, one of the only people to still remain from Steve’s old life. That was, until Sam and Natasha started making offhand comments about how deep Steve and Bucky’s friendship seemed to run (you honestly didn’t and don’t blame either of them for the new wave of insecurities that flooded your mind, you and Steve having agreed to keep the relationship, which you started only a few weeks before the reveal of HYDRA’s secret operations inside SHIELD, you started a secret until you two became more comfortable).

Everything made sense after that. It was understandable that you and Bucky had a fragile relationship in the beginning. And it really was only in the beginning. It didn’t take long before you and Bucky started bonding over your shared love for Steve and it didn’t take long after that before something started forming between the three of.

You [5:25 p.m.] !!!!!

You [5:26 p.m.] OMG

You [5:26 p.m.] REALLY?!?

Steve [5:26 p.m.] YES!

Steve [5:26 p.m.] we need to hurry he’s on the way home rn

You [5:26 p.m.] oH UM

You [5:27 p.m.] i’m home rn

You [5:27 p.m.] i can set up everything here

Steve [5:27 p.m.] good!!

Steve [5:27 p.m.] i can get dinner and dessert on my way home

You [5:27 p.m.] perfect

Steve [5:28 p.m.] ok 123 brEAK

You snort at Steve’s comedic antics as you push yourself away from your desk and away from your work. You know that you'll have to finish those at some point before monday. You’ll most likely be doing it late sunday night due to the fact that you’re going to be completely preoccupied with your boyfriends all weekend because it's been a few weeks since all three of you have been together.

This is obviously due to your hectic work schedules, Steve stuck with what was left of SHIELD, unofficially of course, doing top secret secret agent missions. Bucky had joined him in that soon after he was cleared for it. You, on the other hand, have a very typical and boring office job, a job that has become very demanding as of late with your boss giving out extra paperwork around your floor.

But, you don’t have to worry about that at the moment, you remind yourself. That thought spurs you into moving around your apartment, an apartment that you’ve been sharing with your boyfriends for a couple of months now. You note this fact with a small surge of glee inside your head as you rush to your closet where you keep all your blankets at.

You pull out the blankets you have, which is quite a lot, a fact you’re slightly embarrassed to admit. You’ve accumulated a bunch of them throughout your entire life, some as gifts from your friends and family and others from your lack of self control during the fall and winter time of the blatant holiday themes are anything to go by. You’re pretty sure your old baby blankets are boxed up somewhere, likely under your bed.

You pile the load of blankets high in your arms, so much so that you can’t see where you’re going if you don’t walk sideways as you make your way towards the living room. The living room where everything is going to happen.

Dropping the mountain of blankets on the couch unceremoniously, you immediately start to arrange them all around the couch. You bunch and ball the blankets around the back of the couch, trying to form a cocoon out of them so that you, Steve, and Bucky can remain warm no matter where or how any of you sit while you watch movie after movie throughout the rest of the night.

Which reminds you, it’s not possible to have a movie night without any movies.

turning to the small movie rack that sits next to the TV, you waste no time at all in picking out any movies that catch your eye which are quite a few movies, a good number of which are Steve and Bucky’s favorites. You set the, rather large, stack of movies next to the couch blanket fort so they’re out and ready to pick through whenever.

You’re left with a small clean up after that. You clear off the coffee table for when Steve gets home with the food, picking up leftover coffee mugs (courtesy of Steve) and rinsing them before sticking them in the dishwasher for you to deal with later. Then, you move the books lying around the living room to the miniature bookshelf in your bedroom before gathering all the drawing paper and well used pencils (also courtesy of Steve) and placing those on the left bedside table, the side Steve likes to sleep on when he’s not in the middle.

You wander around the apartment after that, looking for anything else to clean while you wait for Steve to arrive. It takes less time than you think it should have, which is surprising, so surprising that you almost think someone is politely breaking in when you hear the sound of the door clicking open and closed.

You head out of your bedroom where you were perusing a book, something you could distract yourself with, when you heard. You walk into the kitchen to see Steve already unpacking the food, clearly having rushed home.

You’re not able to hold back your smile upon seeing your boyfriend for the first time in weeks. “Need any help?” you wonder, your appearance catching Steve’s attention. He turns towards you, it being quite obvious that Steve is as excited to see you as you are to see him if the wide smile that spreads across his face in seconds is anything to go by.

Steve pauses in his unpacking to lean towards as you approach him swiftly, so he can pull you into a warm kiss. You and Steve feel each other smile during the kiss, making you two smile even harder. “Help would be great,” Steve tells you after you separate. He resumes unpacking the food from the plastic bag it was put into.

You identify the logo on the bag now that you’re so close and it’s clear that the food is from Bucky’s favorite burger place. You take note of the food as you help Steve set everything out on the counter. There’s three (3) different to-go boxes, no doubt filled with favorite menu items. You also spot three (3) medium sized milkshakes sitting in the cup container.

“Dessert?”

“It’s in the fridge,” Steve informs you.

Making a sound of interest and curiosity, you ask, “What is it?”

Steve smirks and raises his eyebrows. “Went to the store and got one of those ice cream cakes Buck likes.”

“Well,” you start, “that will certainly be a nice treat for later.”

You and Steve share a smile as you both grab the food and milkshakes so you can bring it to the living room. The living room where you plan to have dinner and a show with your two wonderful super-soldier boyfriends.

Afterwards, you and Steve resign yourselves to standing around the kitchen, catching up on the last few weeks. You and Steve are ready to happily greet Bucky once the time comes that he opens the door.

It feels like time drags on and on while you two are waiting so you’re very much thankful when you finally hear the turning of the doorknob. You and Steve separate from where you had been wrapped around each other, turning and shouting Bucky’s name in excitement. Just as he walks through the door, Bucky is all bashful as soon as he sees his two boyfriends greet him with spread arms and wide smiles.

You look him up and down for the first time in quite awhile, Bucky just as gorgeous as he always was. He clearly showered and changed beforehand if the damp hair and sweatpants are anything to go by.

Bucky drops the gym bag, obviously filled with his dirty and possibly damaged suit, on the floor. He stretches his arms out, resting each hand on the back of your and Steve’s necks so he can pull you both in close to give each of you a kiss on the lips.

“Welcome home.”

“Welcome home indeed,” Bucky rumbles back, a heart-eye look sweeping across his face. You’re one of the two people on earth that gets to receive that look, not that you mean to brag or anything.

“I’ll take your bag and put it in our room,” Steve tells Bucky. Bucky thanks him before he pulls Steve into another kiss. It’s something you feel there’s going to be a lot of for the rest of the evening, which you look forward to.

Steve takes Bucky’s gym bag from him before walking off so he can do exactly as he said, leaving you and your other boyfriend by yourselves in the kitchen. Once Steve is out of reach, you feel Bucky’s hand move from the back of your neck to your waist, which allows him to pull you in close. He presses you against his chest so he can engage in a deep reunion kiss. It’s been a long time since you’ve last felt his lips against yours which is why you allow yourself to indulge.

You have to force yourself to take a step back. “Not that I'm not enjoying this, because I 100 percent am, but…” you trail off as you take Bucky’s hand in yours, ”we should go to the living room for your first surprise.”

“First surprise?” Bucky’s tone lilts in clear interest, eyebrows raising. It’s almost as if he’s joking but you’re able to tell that Bucky’s genuinely looking forward to what you and Steve have prepared for him.

“We haven’t seen each other properly in weeks. There’s a lot to catch up on.”

“Well, I am definitely looking forward to it. Lead the way, doll,” Bucky instructs you, causing you to chuckle before you turn away from him in order for him to lead him into the living room.

You present the done up living room with wide open arms and an enthusiastic ‘ta-da’ and it seems that if Bucky’s smile could get bigger, it probably would. He surveys your and Steve’s work before he turns back towards you and also Steve, who has just rejoined you and Bucky. “What do you think, Buck?”

“You know what I think, Stevie baby,” Bucky tells him, grabbing one of each of your and Steve’s hands. “I absolutely love it.”

Changing the subject a little, you say, “Well, pick a seat because none of us are moving for anything other than changing the movie and getting dessert.”

Bucky hums, his voice lifting up high at the end. “Dessert, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve dismisses before his boyfriend could get any ideas. “You have to finish your dinner first.”

Bucky nods eagerly, not in any way bothered by being withheld dessert, before he takes his seat in the middle of the couch. He clearly wants to have his boyfriends cuddled up on either side of him.

“So, what do you want to watch first?” you question while you scoot the pile of movies closer to Bucky, who doesn’t take any time at all to begin picking out the movie he wants. And as it turns out, it’s a horror movie called The Apparition.

While he takes it from the pile, Bucky comments, “Been awhile since I’ve seen one fo these.”

“Horror movie, huh?” Steve jokes. “Trying to be our knight in shining armor while we cower behind you in fear?” you laugh alongside your boyfriends.

You settle back on the couch once you’ve taken the movie from Bucky and put it in the DVD player, which begins to play shortly after. You and your boyfriends snuggle into each other’s sides, feet pulled close to your bodies as you all munch on your food.

Well, it’s more like Steve and Bucky are eating their food. At the moment, you were less interested in your food and more interested in Bucky. Your boyfriend was distracting in general, both of them were. But it’s the smooth brown waves of Bucky’s hair that’s distracting you specifically. It looks so soft, especially so after Bucky’s washed it, and you just want to run your fingers through it, play with it for hours.

Your eyes wander down to your wrist as you continue to think about your boyfriend’s long hair, eyes catching on the little black band around your wrist. It’s a hair tie, one that you and Steve always have wrapped around your wrists for this precise reason. For tying up Bucky’s hair when he needs or wants to. It’s a habit to keep hair ties on your person constantly, originating right around the time Bucky was cleared to go on missions. He had decided that he wanted to keep his hair long, at least for the time being, so as the length of Bucky’s hair grew larger so did the need for hair ties at any given time.

You glance between Bucky’s hair and the hair tie, your self control wearing thin. After only a few seconds, you’re not able to help yourself from reaching your hand out to your boyfriend’s beautiful brown hair. You weave your fingers through a few strands is all it takes for your desire to skyrocket.

Tangling both of your hands to Bucky’s hair, you feel him pause in his eating but you pay it no mind as you begin to languidly braid his hair. It’s not long before another pair of hands join yours. Looking over, you spot a giddy Steve on the other side of Bucky. It appears as if your thoughts have rubbed off on him because he grabs the other half of Bucky’s hair so he can braid it alongside you.

Bucky chuckles, clearly amused. “You two are ridiculous.” Although, you wonder if Bucky can really blame you.

“Your hair is really beautiful, though,” Steve adds. Bucky doesn’t say anything in response, not that it matters. The blush that highlights his cheeks for the next five minutes is telling enough.

You and Steve share knowing looks as you both continue to braid your boyfriend’s hair, permanent smiles stretching across your faces.

(NOT MY GIF)

Main Blog // Other Side Blog

((NO ONE HAS MY PERMISSION TO REPOST MY WORK ANYWHERE EVEN WITH CREDIT))

#stucky x male reader #stuck x reader #reader insert #marvel cinematic universe

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hatsukeii · 4 years

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One where y/n has been obviously in love with Tsuki since they were kids and not afraid to show it, but he’s always been lowkey mean to her and thinks she’s annoying and then finally years later she decides he’s not a nice guy and let’s him know she’s fine with all that crap and then he realizes he’s falling for her and does something really sweet for her and they fall in love? 😭😭🥺👉🏻👈🏻 ty in advance. Sorry if this is too long or specific, if it is, feel free to ignore

I genuinely hope you didn’t think I would actually ignore this<33

IM SORRY IM A MASTER PROCRASTINATOR ILY ALL AND YOU ALL DESERVE AN APOLOGY FROM ME

Dear diary//Tsukishima Kei x Reader

Word Count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Cursing

Genre: Angst??? I guess???

Summary: He’s an ass, but you still love him to bits, and it’s killing you.

July 16, 2008

Dear Diary,

I got to play with Tsukki again! He had his dino with him, it was super cute! He told me his front teeth came off last night, and there’s a big hole in his teeth, but it’s okay, because he said it will grow back. I tried to hold his hand while going down the twin slides but he said it was sweaty, so next time I’ll wear gloves!

You flip through the hot pink diary, cringing at your young infatuation. Your diary entries were cringey as fuck, but they always rekindle something within you whenever you read them. You can’t even remember when you stopped writing in the book. Was it when you turned 10? Maybe 12? You don’t have a single clue.

April 30, 2011

Dear Diary,

Tsukki refused to marry me in the playground at break:(( I’ve known him for so long though, aren’t we supposed to get married? I just wanna hold his hand and hug him and give him a biiiiig kiss<33

Chuckling at the memory, you recalled the event from that entry clearly. You were seven years old only, still an immature kid. You still thought that getting married in a middle school playground was a huge milestone in life, almost as crucial as a legal marriage.

May 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Love how Tsukki didn’t even remember my birthday:,) Must be nice getting made fun of. Half the students in my class felt my second hand embarrassment from when he completely forgot about it. God, why am I even in love with this asshole? I’m gonna have to go to school tomorrow and deal with all my classmates making fun of me for being hopeless. Brb, currently digging a hole for myself:)

Frowning at the memory, you think back to when you were twelve. He was an asshole then, still is an asshole to this day. And yet not an ounce of your unconditional love and support for him has faded. Grabbing a tissue, you wipe the remaining tears from your eyes, ignoring the dried tear stains on your cheek. Your hand slams onto the bedside table, lazily feeling for your phone. Tilting it towards your face, you sigh at the empty lock screen, accepting defeat. Flicking through the rest of the book, you are welcomed by pages and pages of white. “So that’s when I gave up on this diary...” you mutter to yourself as you lift yourself up from your bed. Heading towards your desk, you absentmindedly grab yourself a pen, notebook in hand. Slamming the diary down, you open it up to the next entry page after your last one, gently placing the tip of your pen on the first line. You grab your hair out of frustration, the ink bleeding into the thin paper. “What to do, what to do...?” You mumble, starting to form sentences in your notebook.

July 17, 2020

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while hasn’t it? Holy shit, all my entries were about Tsukki weren’t they? Jesus, of course they were. At least I was able to get it off my chest this afternoon. Telling him that I’ve been in love with him for years, that was fucking terrifying. Telling him that although I know he’s an ass, an animatronic dick complete with ballsack, that won’t stop me from falling harder, it was gut wrenching, but also relieving to a certain degree. I’m still waiting for some form of response, although I’m not sure I’m gonna get one anytime soon. I can’t decide whether telling him was the dumbest or bravest decision I’ve made. Maybe it was both. Just wait until I look back on this entry like a decade later and still cry about it lmao. Tbh he’s a genuinely nice person at heart. I know that all too well. He may be an ass most the time, and he may think I’m annoying, but despite how hard he tries to push me away, I’ll never abandon him. Jesus Christ, I sound like a yandere here, but it’s not that. It’s that I care for him a lot. Maybe even a bit too much. It’s ridiculous how absolute and utter shit a crush can make you feel.

Throwing the pen down, you flop back onto your bed, huffing into the thick blankets. You stay silent, not sure of what to think of the situation. “I’ll just deal with it all tomorrow, I’m tired of this shit.”

On the other side of the incident, Tsukishima is currently going through a mental crisis.

The blond sits at his desk, eyes unwavering, but focusing on nothing. It feels as if he hasn’t blinked in what seemed to be hours. Just hours of staring at his wall that led to nothing. Your confession plays in his head nonstop, like a broken record that refused to run out of battery.

“The thing is I like you. I’m pretty sure I always have. And I know that you’re such an asshole and all that, you won’t treat me as well as people would expect, but it’s fine. I’m fine with all that. All the dumb, stupid, careless insults you’ll throw at me, the side eyes and sneers, telling me to shut up and go away, I’m fine with it. I know you’re a good person, and that’s all that matters to me.”

“Well shit what the fuck do you want me to say?”

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

Maybe he should have let you down slowly.

But as he stares at his wall, the photos of the two of you framed and balanced on his floating shelves, he starts to reconsider his feelings.

The way your expression faltered then as you hastily took your bag and rushed away without a single word, the way you avoided him in the halls, the way you stopped talking to him throughout the day, it drove him crazy. He couldn’t handle the realisation that he hurt you so incredibly badly, so now all he can do is stare at his empty, blank wall. Did he know why he felt that way? No. He didn’t and still doesn’t. He’s Tsukishima fucking Kei, the emotionless, provoking, unlikeable king, yet a mere girl is somehow able to mess with his mind so badly, that all he can do is wallow in regret and confusion? What is this weird feeling? His throat itches, his heart is beating like crazy, sweat starting to gather around his temples. He clamps his two hands together, slamming his forehead onto them and squeezing his eyes shut.

How could I have been so dense?

How was he unable to see that you were absolutely in love with him? Even with the bento boxes, birthday gifts, constant compliments, he still only ever thought you liked him as a friend. However he never did. He likes you more than that. Way more. Yes, he thought, and still thinks you can be annoying at times, especially when you nag at him about not eating enough or being rude, but it was undeniable that there was something else he felt. But his stupid ass shitty ego would never let him admit it. And now that you finally confessed, he freaked out and fucked up. Even then, he didn’t think it would affect him to this extent.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you (Y/N).”

He says that over and over again, desperate to cloud out the disagreeing thoughts in his head that scream otherwise.

“It was a stupid middle school crush, I’m over you.”

The guilt didn’t go away.

In fact, now that he’s said all that, he feels even worse. Oh how much he wants to find you right this second, wrap you in his arms, tell you how incredibly sorry he is, but he can’t. He doesn’t deserve to do that. His heart is begging for him to just get out of the house and run to yours as fast as he could, but his body won’t move. He wants to cry. Scream. Shout. Throw something. Shatter something. But most of all, he wants to get another chance.

Picking up his phone, he hesitates, before typing in your contact, the cleared out, empty chatroom showing up on his screen. Going as fast as his fingers could, he typed out the one sentence he’s been dying to let out.

“It was a middle school crush, but I’m still into you. I always have been.”

Is it just me, or is this bad-

Idk man it seems like all my fics are pretty much the same and I hate it😌

Tags:

@sunshines-and-tatertots @izzyphantomgamer @justachillgirl @trashcanweeb @just-another-bored-writer @poppirocks @majorfangirl37 @kaylacinderella @random-fandomlover @tiger1719 @tiredgr3mlin @itmekisuu @skyeackermans @talks-a-lot-of-stuff @shoutsukii @agentvicinity @sakusasgarbage @kuroo-thought-of-a-better-un @sneezefiction @bokutokoutarou @thirstyvolleyballhoe @iwaixiumi @iwaigroomi @inlwlevi

Feel free to comment or pm to be added to taglist!

I’m back to writing lmao I’m bored in two week quarantine rn

Edit: cue me realising I was half asleep and missed something in the request don’t be surprised if I repost this💀💀💀💀

Btw the hq manga just ended time to cry

💕💕💕💕

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b00bconnoisseur · 5 years

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Reaallly long art rant

Lately, the past 4 months or so, ive felt v drained inspirationaly. This is the longest ive ever had art block. So, whenever i finish a drawing i have this satisfaction, this high, it makes me feel so good. That when i felt like i wouldn't finish it, that i didnt have the energy to, i did. I also feel like tumblr is a big part of my block. Dw im not leaving of course lol, im just ranting. But yeah, ive been on here SO much and i hate that i am but i AM. Its like an addiction. Plus all my friendos are on here so i dont just wanna take a leave.

Another big part of my block is sorta myself? My personality ig u could say. And what i mean by that is i can never say no to anyone. It makes me feel terrible. The thing i can never say no to is art requests. I get them so much from my extended family. And thats another part of the block, family.

Theyre always askin me to draw stuff when im like "er not rn....im uh on this *points down at paper* rn. Maybe next time..?" Thays my attempts at saying no. But noooo of course my cousins are like "no no no just draw me rn ok u can do that drawing some other time ive been begging u to draw me forever!" BOTH of my cousins are always bugging me nonstop to draw them. I hate it just leave me the fuck alone i just finally got to another drawing and u won't even let me finish it go fuck off. But i of course dont say that. I start immediately on one cousins sketch while he watches me (tjis was on ny's) Now im doing the other ones sketch rn. Only because his birthday is today and this is his gift. Also because when we go to see them today, and i dont have it done he'll make me feel horrible. And since i dont have my other cousins sketch done he'll do the same. (I dont have the ref photo so i cant finish it. My bro has it and refuses to send it to me.) Another thing is they cant respect how i do my art and my art style. They want all the art i draw in realistic color whereas i only do traditional b&w shadding. And my other extended family is always trying to get me to draw them live. Like, they pose and i draw them. I CAN'T do that. It takes me HOURS to draw. Plus ik they'll be like hurry up! And get tired after 2 mins. Plus idk, thats awkward for me. Id rather just have a pic. Boom. Simple. But THEY wont understand that.

Theres alot more that theyve done but I'll stop there.

And sometimes im in a way putting this block on myself? I hold these free giveaway stuff then i ask ppl if they'd like a request or i accept requests or an art trade or i say im gonna draw this for somepne for this holiday or smtn. I do it for fun and it makes ppl happy. And idm doing it. But it builds up. More. And more. And more. To the point where im feeling v v v overwhelmed with stuff im supposed to draw for ppl. And i get v behind on everything. And i cant even enjoy when i finally finish a drawing. Im like welp, im v late on all these, onto the next. Its not a good feeling. And sometimes whenever im like "i do so many drawings for OTHER ppl, i need to do one for MYSELF like i used to" so i try. But then i have no idea what to draw. And then all i can think of is what im supposed to be drawing for other ppl. Then it makes me feel like im being selfish by trying to draw for myself. To try to distract myself i go on tumblr. But then im just procrastinating. And i usually just end up not drawing anything. But when i do its just requests or stuff for other ppl. And i feel i dont upload art much anymore on tumblr so i feel the need to get something out there. And when i do it doesnt get too much notice. So i feel more deflated. Just a repeating cycle. Over. And over and over.

And since its for other ppl i feel i gotta make it perfect.

I just wish i drew as much as i used to without a care. I wish i COULD do that. But im in a huge mess and the only way to get out of it is to finish all the drawings. Then start fresh. It feels I'll never get to that tho.

Alot of the time i just think about giving up on art. Alot. Cause its not so enjoyable anymore as it used to.

I wont tho cause it IS what makes me the most happy in the world. Im mesmerized by it. Its what i want to do when im older. I dont wanna throw all that away. Without it id be basically nothing

For now, I'll sort thru (try to anyway) the mess i got myself into and try to kill the damn block. And try to draw for myself sometimes too.

Thanks for coming to my ted.....rant? Talk? Idek anymore.

But hey, if u read all that, props to u bro.

Sorry for getting all art depressy on main..

#rant #art rant #artists on tumblr #artists problems #my problems

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aph-australia · 5 years

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5 things

I was tagged by @obfood thanks!! sorry it took me so long

5 Things you will find in my bag:

i never carry a bag but i tend to have these things w me

-phone (obv)

-chapstick

-hand sanitizer

-hand lotion (I HAVE to have a shitton of lotion on my hands before touching paper cause it’s a BAD FEEL)

-credit card

-also a cute little ceramic knife

5 Things you will find in my room:

-a shitton of flags and souvenirs

-lots of classical art, like I have the Liberty Leading the People painting poster that I got at the Louvre, and Monet’s Dusk in Venice

-tokyo ghoul manga

- international coin collection

-a kickass machine gun magazine holder box thing from the Vietnam (?) war

5 Of my favorite things:

-My pets

- daydreaming

- curling up in bed on a cold snowy day under my electric blanket with tea and my cats and dog curled up next to me

-traveling

-nature

5 Things Im currently into:

-tokyo ghoul

-brooklyn 99

-graphic design/those really complex paint by numbers

-nature documentaries

-photography

5 Things on my to-do list:

-get my Australian work visa sorted out

-get my national pharmacy certification (I only have the state one rn :/)

-enroll in a surgical technician program

-eat healthy and exercise every day

-practice my violin regularly

I’ll tag: @larckla-blog @aph-danemark @blaklokke @drev-the-procrastinator @aph-belarusia @aph-mr-puffin @theacetherapist

#tagged #about me

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yourbleedingh3art · 2 years

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Seshposting

Pre sesh: Just got done playing w a baseball.Listening to slimesito.On the toilet. Swear to god ive been to the bathroom nine times already I havent eaten anything or had anything to drink since last night But yet i have to piss every 15 minutes on today of all days When im wearing two mf belts i have to hurry to unbuckle before Piss dribbles down my FUCKING leg.Stole somebodys lipgloss off the ground bc it was Hempz. Imma weedhead need my own strain - duwap kaine (Now he's on)

Sesh start time: 2:21 pm i hand ground some weed bc idk where my grinder is rn im waiting to hit the first bowl till 2:22 AYY it changed to it rn Time for bowl #1 in my pipe

bowl #1 2:22 highness scale of 1-10: 0, it hasnt hit me yet, i literallt havent even exhaled bowl #1. Note my "bowls" r like half size bc its easier for me to clear each bowl in one pipe hit so tht way smoke doesnt waft from the weed and i minimize the smell (Smoking in the college dorm life) Random observation: There is an empty paper towl roll, incense, a press on nail, 2 incense boards, a green rug, a kleenex ashtray box, a towel, toilet paper, a toilet, and a shower On top of the floor. That is my environment. (Yeat is playing)They say yeat keep on evolving how u so steady wid it!

bowl #2 2:26 highness scale 1-10: 4 That one made me drool spit Eyes water throat burn As to be expected but ewwwww Owwwie Considering getting some water... Listening to a stupid soundcloud lawyer ad rn OHH YES NOW THE YEAT IS ON! I DONT GOT NO COMMENT...IONT GOT NO COMMENT! Such a good concept to center a song around bc literally No comment.... like sorry I just be seeing stuff and it's like ok no comment. Literally no comment. Comment but am i going to sya it no im not. No comment. Or can i even be bothered to care about this no i cant. No comment. Did i even hear what u said No was i even listening... NO Comment. Like such a good phrase..... Maybe i more than a 4/10 high but it feels crazy to change it now hmm i guess it's 2:31 now so 5 minutes have passed (that math took me a hot second tbh like not a long time but not quick either) Okkkk 3G is such a crazy song yeat and uzi Like i dont fw uzi voice like that im sorry his music usualyl just falls outside of my personal taste But sometimesss he makes a banger anyway who am i arguing w anyway idk how I feel about 3G it's kinda lit tbh growing on me like mold rn And officially chaning my rating to 5 on the highness scale. I am trying to reason with myself if i should smoke more or not like yes i only smoked 2 half bowls but i. ground so much ore weed up but also i feel like a good level of high for 2:35 pm on a thursday u feel me? I dont have ny classes today left idk and i did take my italian quiz... shit... Smokin more (I pulled up bust a nut and then she thank Meeee-yeat *scream crying*)Ooh ooh yea I pulled upo smaosdakMachetes ooh...ahh..zahh!!WeeoOowowooeeoowowowowwoeeeeeeeeoOOEoeoeoeoeoeoeyaayay... ahh... (kant relax by yeat.) I so high listening to ome soundcloud edit remix HuananaamamaHunonhehno heh no heh type song osqaidhuf ahhhh it sounds like that deadass but like slowed down and randomly sped up its hype...I guess lmao this is straight paper garbage shredder trash tbh im just high

^Like that. ^^#Real. ^^

Do u see how much i procrastinate inbetween bowls like wow. Ok anyway. THIS FUCKING SONG IS STILL ON ITS SO BAD I am not turnigng it off too high to do that of course but wow Oh it eneded and went right into an ad

FUCK YOU SOUNDCLOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!

OOOH now fginally a good song is on yesssssssssssssssssss yes Ok yes.

bowl #3 2:41 highness scale like idk that bowl was lame still a 5/10 if anything Im sober now. No im lying of course but that bowl somehow had the reverse effect of getting me high .. Like now im like yeah i .. ahhsdahvsajiJDHSJFJAIOSsihfeodekfjhjdhd LMAOOO THIS DUWAP SONG CA ME WONNN NVMMM... EMPIRE BY DUWAP KAINE. Ok i think im about done live posting one more bowl and our lovely sesh will be done. Duwap kaine is fuckoing crayz bc empire 1:49-1:55 like omgmgmgmgmgg that part goes sooo <3 perfect

party in the back ft ooskully by jewelzworld is so good like oooooooooooooooh ok thank god music hitting rn.

bowl #4 2:49

bowl #5 2:52

im high.

I hate CONNER.

kay modern family and ignore everything time.

SESH EL FIN ... 3:07

#blog post #weed.

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shamelesslyethan · 6 years

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Since you asked me some stuff, lemme ask you now---okay so I know Ethan is your bitch, but why?? Why not Grayson? What put's him above Gray? I really wanna know AHAH -What always put you in a good mood? -How do you cope with stress and busyness? -What time is it rn where you live? -When did you become a fan of the twins and when did you create your blog / or turn it into a blog for them? -How's yourrrrr day so far??:))))))))

AHHH OKAY YAY THANK YOU SM ILY - honestly when I started watching the boys, I really thought I would fall for Gray, because he’s WAY more similar to the types of guys I would normally fall for. BUT then something about Ethan just struck me (maybe it was his JAWLINE BECAUSE OOF). But I’d have to say that me falling into his lane began with his wisdom teeth video, and it just got more intense from there, so I don’t know as if I would say he’s above Gray for me (because obviously he’s literally just as amazing) but something about E made me feel more connected to him. AH I RAMBLED - THE TWINS WITHOUT A FAIL ALWAYS CAN TURN MY MOOD AROUND IN ACTUAL SECONDS. I literally tell all my friends that they’re my antidepressants. 😂😂 Even if I don’t have time to like watch a video or anything I can literally just pop onto tumblr and see them and just get so happy, and I love how I come on here and see such cool people that all share the same interest. I also love reading and writing, and in the summer you can usually find me laying in the sun and swimming while I read and write. - I am probably the worst procrastinator I know. I can put my phone away and remove all distractions and will still struggle to get working, as yesterday I literally laid on the floor to avoid work. BUT I always get everything done, even if I’m up till 4am+ I know that currently I’m paying thousands of dollars I don’t have to be this busy and as much as I hate it I need to do well 😂 when I get too stressed I’ll usually watch a few videos on YouTube or I’ll make a schedule of my work so that I can follow something. - it is currently 1:08 where I live (I’m from central/upstate NY) - I WAS SO LATE TO BECOME A FAN OF THE TWINS!!!! I would say I’ve been a fan for around a year now, even though it feels like I’ve been a fan since the beginning. I literally played the “episode” game thing having 0 idea who they were, and then like a month later I had run out of videos in my sub box and one of their videos was in my recommended so I clicked on it not expecting much (I don’t like many of the “new age” youtubers). Then I was like oh lol these are the dudes from that app thingy. But I literally immediately fell in love, and watched every single one of their videos in a span of a few days. I made my tumblr over last summer, and originally it wasn’t for the twins but the first thing I ever posted was a quote from E. It didn’t take too long for me to decide to just convert into a fan page considering they were all I looked at anyways. - so far my day is good! I just woke up and am still in bed because I was up super late, working on this fanfic I’m hoping to have time to finish and upload today. But, today is going to be stressful because I have to revise one paper, write another 500 word paper, do my Spanish homework and study for my quiz, and finish another assignment. But, I’m determined to not put everything off too much or get too stressed. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME QUESTIONS I LOVE ANSWERING THINGS AND TALKING TO PEOPLE AHHH SO IM SORRY IF I TOTALLY RAMBLED 😂 BUT I LOVE YOU SM!! 💖💖(Also, pt. 2 of FaceTime is coming at some point I didn’t forget about you either 😘)

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seanemone · 4 years

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ok, so

i reached my goals and had the absolutely BEST BODY i ever had. obv it didnt last long (not gonna get so hard on me, it lasted almost a year). what happened? got both knees injured by running, also my self esteem went to the floor since a fucking disease wrecked my skin, hair and some other shits i was proud of in my appearence (man, ive never really had acne until this. miss my skin so muchhh). since i cant run and do any type of cardio, lose weight became HARD and the frustration made gaing weight sooo easy. this incredible mix of beauty curses broght me back my friend mia, so now, im struggling to get out of this fucking circle of self hate > binge > purge. i’ve made a habit tracker for april and manage to not purge for 17 days (also did my physiotherapy for 12 days, worked out 10 days and followed my diet plan for 9 days). im happy for the “mia tracker”, especially bc i did binge 7 days in this time.

so now, not purging is not my priority anymore. i hope i manage my diet/exercise/therapy plan better, get results and forget this lame purging life like it was when i reached my goals first time.

background update, now lets get to the point: i now weight 52.7kg / waist 69cm. my first goal is to get back to my last year shape, starting by weight 50kg / waist 64cm. 2.7kg shouldnt be so hard to lose. so the strategy rn:

. keep up: no purge

. exercise: physiotherapy every morning, work out 5 times/week (afternoon), start to do pilates every evening

. distract yourself: read, study, work. you surely have a lot of things to do. stop procrastinating and thinking about food/how disgusting you are all day (positive and productive thoughts will make the process easier). dont want to be productive: make your nails, do some spa shit, play the sims, idk just DONT EAT please

. food: eat peanut butter only 1 time a day (less than a table spoon), snack only on fruit or seeds, remember that veggies = more volume with less calories (you can - and hopefully will - eat less, but you have to fill satisfy or you know youre gonna binge. focus on the veggies and always rememeber that eating like a bird (fruits, veggies and seeds) will make you not only healthier but LIGHTER.

you can do it girl. if you lose 0.5kg/week, in SIX WEEKS YOU’LL HAVE YOUR BODY GOAL!! putting things like this, makes it really obvious that i can do it. like, who cant follow a 6 week diet and excercise plan??? bitch, you’re gonna do this!

today im gonna eat a burger with my bf whos going to visist his parents for idk 2 weeks. so, ill try to not eat too much during the day and enjoy hard this burger cause tomorrow it all starts. also have to remember that the time he’s away is the best time to really restrict, bc with him i always end up eating more than planned. now, gonna write all this shit down cause lists on paper help me with my goals. sorry for the book lol

#personal

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blackrupee · 7 years

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Woah that's a lot to process. Are you deciding to hold off on school bc of the cost or because of how time consuming it is? And I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling exposed with that person you talked to, if they came to talk to you while you were upset I think they expected to hear some sort of venting. Opening up can be good. I hate that that happened on what I'm assuming was a good night though. The brain is a bitch like that. New place though? Cheaper? #winning

welcome to my twisted ankle (very ramble-y)

neither. im just really lazy and procrastinate hardcore and i got an appointment to sign up for classes like.......two months after i should have lmao. so all the classes i really need to take are taken. plus, i feel like my second job is kinda expecting me to stay working through christmas and beyond maybe, but theres no way ill be able to survive on the kind of money im making there. like. its nice money but its very much a side job that i originally got because my leases overlapped. idk maybe what ill do is skip next semester, sign up for spring semester hella early, and arrange my classes so that i can maybe drop arbys? because ill have even more money saved up by then (im at a p decent spot rn with the plan of attending classes this fall)

but idk. i really do want to go back to school. i think i only need 34 hours to graduate so thats like two semesters and a couple winter classes and i just. would like to get it out of the way. on the other hand, though, what the fuck am i going to do afterward? i havent had a plan in life ever. i never thought id live this long and i never WANTED to live this long and the dependable schedule of “keep going to school” has become a crutch i guess idk. in that case, delaying finishing school becomes an excuse to avoid having to make difficult plans and decisions. kbdkjbfakjbjkjnfsdjkfdsajfds this is a fucking mess

but idk i dont really like to talk about my feelings. thats kind of a lie because i talk about what a piece of shit i am and how i want to kill myself all the time but theres a lot of internal monologue that goes on that ive never really shared with anyone. self analysis to the nth degree. ive always tried to bottle up my feelings and i feel like ive gotten worse at it but no ones really seen the UGLY side of me. only the Ugly side, which i parade around constantly.

ultimately its not her responsibility though. like. she can say “oh i really want to help you and i want to listen to you and you can always vent to me(:” all she wants but its still not fair to unload everything onto her. plus, and this is going to sound shitty, i dont know if i really trust her. i cant really trust anyone tbh. like i dont really think of people as friends in an honest sense but more as a way to express familiarity (this is my friend = this is a person with whom i associate relatively regularly and who provides me with entertainment through conversations/etc). maybe that IS what a friend is. idfk. god this is so fucking edgy and i dont mean to come off that way sdjfsfdsfkdsjfsdankfask. i just know that i provide nothing positive for people? i provide no utility? so theres no incentive to interact with me at all? and i dont understand why people do, unless i can point to like, use of my house, or my writing (helped this girl write her paper), or my car (driving, moving). and in that case, its not friendship but a parasitic relationship. or is it parasitic if i get utility out of them? is mutual benefit the foundation of friendship? is it its entirety?

holy FUCKING shit this is all stream of consciousness basically and its pretentious and edgy as fuck i am so sorry if you made it through that paragraph

but yeah it was a good night until then but i always ruin everyones night :^)

and hell yeah new place. cant wait to move

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