#im listening to some music from middle school so im in a weird mood which made this very fun to edit

[vegetalass]

ik this is a bit odd, but can you do some hc about micah as a kid/teen like his family life and stuff idk

This totally isn’t odd at all, anon! I love writing / thinking about this kind of topic too so I’m so happy you asked! Obviously, I’m taking some liberties here to create more of a narrative / backstory... but I hope you like it anyway! 

I’m sorry that they’re not the happiest…. If u want happy just send me another request and i gotchu!! 

I also couldn’t decide if u wanted in game or modern so I just did both LOL 

In Game

As far as we know, Micah is the third of his line and has a (younger) brother, Amos 

It’s honestly pretty easy to see Micah growing up without a mother... 

Either because she left or because she died when he was very young 

And because his father is an outlaw, Micah has a hard time getting a straight story out of him of what happened to her anyway 

One thing that he probably knows for sure, however, is the fact that his father was probably very abusive to her, mostly because we can infer that he was abusive to Micah, as well 

Hence why her leaving, dying, or getting left behind isn’t an implausible thought 

That being said, everyone loves their mother, and I think the lack of growing up with one definitely is part of what makes him so cruel, angry, and bitter 

Especially as he’s growing up, since part of him feels like he was robbed of being loved 

This is also pretty ironic because this situation is very close to that of Arthur’s... as he also has a dead mother and outlaw father 

That’s why, I think, in a way, Micah trying to follow in his father's footsteps was and is a defense mechanism

It acts as a way to both protect himself from his father’s wrath and a way for him to do something other than sit around and be miserable 

Or in Amos’ case, as his father probably says, being useless 

You know, the “if you can’t beat them, join them” mentality 

I think that while initially Micah went along with his father’s demands just to placate his anger, eventually, doing as his father asked and following without question was the only thing that really got him praise and made him feel proud of himself

This is also part of why Micah wants to be and feel like a survivor so badly

And how he starts to feel a sense of pride in his name, too 

Despite also being someone who definitely likes receiving praise from people he thinks he’s supposed to respect 

Despite the fact that he supposedly ran with his brother for a time, his brother is a lot more empathetic than him, and I can see how this may be what caused the rift between them a long, long time ago 

Back when they were kids, even, and Micah still chased squirrels with sticks for fun

When he first started acting like his father, Amos questioned, begged him even, to stop doing senseless and reckless things for attention 

And this was such that, when they did start running things together, Micah still held this feeling of resentment toward Amos for being better than him, kinder, that hasn’t, and will never, go away 

And Micah, having never really known love, doesn’t know what else there is to do other than hate him for this

Growing up hungry never did anyone any favors, anyway 

Modern

I think that in a more modern setting, Micah would be what some might consider white trash 

He grows up poor, with a drunk daddy who’s not around and constantly in trouble with the law

The only difference I imagine is that in modern times, his mother is around for a little while longer

In this case, he has memories or her holding him and telling him she loves him and his brother 

This is why her eventual leaving makes him into a bitter and angry person in this case, as well, despite the fact that Micah knows that she loved him

Though one can see how he probably started being mean to her, too, just like his father

Parents aside, he lives in a small house with a big yard 

He has to share a room with Amos, which he resents

And if his dad isn’t drunk, he’s asleep in front of the tv or God knows where 

Despite all of the fighting and their differences, Micah cooks and Amos cleans 

Mostly because Micah doesn’t mind stealing the food they eat (even at this young age)  

As a kid, he also plays in the yard a lot

They probably have a couple balls lying around and some garden tools that they play with 

Carves his name into the fence once and gets chewed out by his father 

Or he goes over to the houses of other kids in the neighborhood to hang out and eat dinner with them 

The other moms always make him bring Amos so he can eat, too 

Despite him and the other boys being mean to and wrassling with and bullying each other, these are fond memories for him

Being surrounded by people who are similar to him is a great comfort

And having this kind of connection with others sort of builds on what he likes about Dutch later in life, too 

I think being a teenager gets a little more difficult for him because as he ages, he has less of an excuse to be immature and reliant on other people

And the older he gets, the more he’s forced to face the fact that his mother left his family, his brother doesn’t really like him, and his dad is a drunk criminal

And as his dad starts disappearing more and more, Micah really has to try not to go out and follow him 

Because he knows if he does he’ll either get dragged into the fight, hurt, or both

This is also when things get more tense with Amos, too, as Micah finds his personality to be a lot more prominent than when they were kids

Micah thinks Amos is bossy and overbearing because he’s always trying to get him to do the right thing

And since they eventually both get jobs while going to school, Amos tries to tell Micah to steal less and be more honest with the world so his future can be better than his past 

Amos is also probably better with the girls at school too, which Micah finds annoying 

I like to think that in all situations, Amos does love Micah, but knows he can’t fix him 

Overall, Micah is a broken and cruel person, but I think it stems from the fact that the world was cruel to him, first

#rdr2 #rdr2 headcanons #red dead redemption 2 headcanons #red dead redemption 2 #micah bell #hopefully this is what u had in mind anon #i actually LOVED doing this ask so thank u for sending it in!!!! #im listening to some music from middle school so im in a weird mood which made this very fun to edit #anyway..... ENJOY ILY #the other requests might take me a bit but dw yall theyll get done!! #Anonymous #anon

[twilight-love-nochu]

BTS Reaction to neglecting your family while away (Maknae Line)

JIMIN (Park Jimin)

*im going to name the kids here because it’s more understandable than saying Y/S/N as there are two sons in this reaction*

“Okay, everyone in the car!” You shouted while struggling to get every school bag, lunch box as well as your own things that you’d need for work and holding your youngest daughter in your arms. You ushered your 3 kids out of the house and into the car as fast as possible to get them at school on time. You put the things into the trunk while your sons got into the car on their own. You were so thankful they were quite independent already when it came to certain things at 7 and 5 since you also had to take care of your 3 year old. As a Semi-single parent that was very helpful and you couldn’t help but thank God for that.

You hurriedly closed the trunk and went to the backseat of the car to put your daughter in her car seat and checked if your sons put their seatbelts on right. When you were sure they did, you carefully closed the car door and slipped into the driver's seat.

“Done!” You thought while closing your eyes and letting out a sigh. A grin stretched out on your face when you then realized what always followed the hectic morning.

“You know what time it is?” You turned to look at your children in the backseat still grinning and you could see the same thing happening on your children’s faces.

“CARPOOL KARAOKE!!” You heard the voices of your eldest son Adam and your daughter booming inside the small space you were in, even though you weren't entirely that the little one even really knew what was happening. Your 5 year old, Yeonwoo, didn’t say a thing and simply looked through the window. You found that weird because usually he was the one who was most excited about the karaoke session you had almost daily. You shrugged it off and blamed it on him not getting a good night of sleep last night after having a nightmare.

Your husband and you started to do those carpool karaokes ever since your eldest son started kindergarten. One day, your husband and you just put on some music in the car on the way there and sang your hearts out and you saw how excited your son was on the backseat, which surprised you because he would usually be in a bad mood and pouting before going to kindergarten. Seeing that it put your kids in a good mood and woke them up, made them actually excited to go to school and was a great bonding time for your family, Jimin and you decided to make it a tradition.

You were singing songs that were playing on the aux at the top of your lungs with your son and your daughter was also trying her best to sing the songs right but the only voice you didn’t hear was the one from your middle child. So when you arrived to a red light, you turned to him and said: “where missing your beautiful vocals, babe”

“Yeah you need to sing with us to practice for our band, Yeonwoo” Adam added to his brother, which made you chuckle. Yeonwoo was not laughing though. In fact he didn’t react to anything you said and kept looking out of the window. He started to worry you. Usually, even if he was tired, the karaoke would help him wake up and excite him. You sighed but couldn’t do anything in the moment as you had to continue driving again.

You dropped Adam off at his primary school and sent him off with a kiss before making your way to the kindergarten to drop off the other two. Without Adam’s singing, the vibe inside of the car became a little weird though, since you were the only one singing, with your daughter's cute rambling, but you didn’t want to stop and make everything even weirder. Plus, you had a little hope that Yeonwoo would soon give into the singing.

To your dismay, he kept silent until you got to your destination. You brought the too inside and helped them take off their shoes.

“Kissy” you turned to your daughter. She gave you a kiss and skipped inside with the educator.

You then turned back to Yeonwoo who was getting up to go inside, too.

“What a second, kiddo.” You knelt down and made him turn to you but he kept his gaze on his jacket. “Are you okay? If you don’t want to go to kindergarten today, you don’t have to, you know? We can go get some ice cream or go home and sleep some more?” You were never a fan of forcing your kids to go to school. If they really didn’t want to go, there would be a good reason for that.

“I’m okay, mommy. I need to go inside now. See you later.” He said without a lot of enthusiasm in his voice but he nevertheless gave you a kiss and went inside.

You watched him worriedly until he was out of sight and got up with a sigh to make your way to your job.

The whole day long, you couldn’t get your son out of your head. What was wrong with him, today? He was usually so cheerful. Was it maybe his nightmare? That was the only reason he could have for being so down, so that must be it. When he came into your room hiccuping, you asked him if he wanted to talk about it but when he shook his head vigorously, you let it be. Now you wished you had insisted more so that you would know how to help him now.

When you picked your kids back up from school and Yeonwoo was still not his old self, you decided you had to talk to him. So you sat him down with you after dinner and started asking him.

“Kiddo, what has been up with you all day? You look so sad it makes mommy sad too” you told him slightly pouting to lighten the mood a little.

“I already told you this morning that I’m fine, mommy. There’s no need for you to be sad” he stood his ground. You looked at him and decided to change your tactic and ask directly. You sat him down on your lap and asked: “Does it maybe have anything to do with the bad dream you had yesterday?” You felt him tense a little and look look down but he stayed silent.

“Mommy?” He shyly looked back up at you.

“Yes baby?”

“Does…. does daddy hate me?”

What?

To say you were in shock was an understatement. Why would he say that?

“No he doesn’t baby, don’t be silly. Why do you think that?” You asked full of concern. So that’s what his dream was about? No wonder he was that upset.

“Daddy's never here, doesn’t call and when he does, it’s only for a short amount of time. Is it because of me? Does he not like me?” His voice wavered and his eyes filled with tears making you almost cry with him.

“No, honey, no. Daddy loves you very much. He loves us all, so don’t you ever think otherwise. Daddy is just a very busy person, you know? It’s true he’s away a lot but trust me if he could be with us everyday he would.” You could tell he was having a hard time believing you so you did the only thing that would make him believe. You pulled out your cell phone and FaceTimed the man in question.

“ You know what? Let’s call daddy and you’ll see” you felt your son getting anxious on your lap but you were set on sorting this out as soon as possible.

“Hey babe!“ the familiar voice of your husband boomed through your phone.“ I know I haven’t called much lately, I am so sorry. I swear I am trying but I can’t seem to find the time, I’m so sorry“ Jimin started to ramble as soon as he answered. You chuckled. You knew he was trying his best so you didn’t put it against him.

“It’s OK babe, that’s not why I am calling. I’m calling because this little guy here” you pointed the camera at said little guy who now had his head hidden in your shirt ”put the silly idea into his mind that you don’t love him. I tried to tell him that that was not true but I can’t convince him, so maybe you can.” as soon as you said the words you saw your husband‘s face fall.

“Yeonie? Hey look at me kiddo.”You could literally hear the heartbreak in his voice. Your son slowly turned to look at his father on your phone. “Why would you think that?”

“You said that in my dream. You said that you didn’t love me and that was why you 're always away.” He fidgeted with your shirt tears starting to fall from his eyes.

“Yeonie, listen to me. That was just a dream. That was not reality. Trust a bad dream. OK? I love you more than anything else in the world. You along with your siblings and your mother. You are everything to me. Me being away so much has nothing to do with any of you. Because of my job People from everywhere in the world want to see me. And if I wasn’t doing this job I wouldn’t be able to bring back all these awesome toys, would I?” Jimin added playfully. When you heard Yeonwoo giggle for the first time today, you couldn’t help the relieved sigh that left your lips.

“By the way, you won’t believe what awesome toy I found for you this time!” At this point it looked like Yeonwoo had completely forgotten about his nightmare and the tears on his cheeks.

“What is it? What is it?” He bounced up and down on my lap in excitement.

“That’s a surprise” your husband laughed. “You’ll see we’ll have sooo much fun with it.”

“Okay, come home soon daddy!” Your son said slightly disappointed that he had to wait to know what his toy was.

“I will. I miss you very much Bub. And I love you, and you too Y/N.”

“Love and miss you too” your son and you said in unison and ended the call.

“Feel better babe?” You asked the child.

“Yeah. But I want to know what my toy is.” He pouted which made you burst out laughing relieved that your son was back to normal.

V (Kim Taehyung)

Taehyung’s biggest dream next to becoming an idol was to found a family. Have a beautiful wife and have a lot of children with her. Everyone knew that, it was pretty clear when you saw the way he acted with children. Each time he would see people with their children in the streets or when he played with his younger relatives his desire to finally achieve that dream would get bigger and he would get more and more impatient to get there.

He would most likely make a great father too. He always had his father as an example and wanted to be just like him: an amazing father to his kids, who didn’t miss a step of them growing up, who was always there when they needed it and did his best to give them the world.

When he met you, he knew instantly that he was a step closer to his dream. He made it his mission to make you fall in love with him -which happens pretty quickly considering his outstanding looks and charming personality. Fast forward 3 long years later he popped out the question and you two got married. Taehyung was the happiest person alive at this point. Not only did he achieve half of his dream but he was married to the most wonderful person he had ever met. But something was missing for him to be completely satisfied.

So he didn’t waste any time and you two started trying for a baby. And after 3 even longer months of trying and desperation you finally saw the two bars on your pregnancy test. You stayed frozen on the toilet trying to process the information. You were pregnant. You were going to be a mother. Happiness and relief washed over you.

But your reaction was nothing against your husband‘s reaction.

You got out of the bathroom and into your bedroom where Taehyung was pacing back and forth from one end to the other obviously anxious over the results of the test. He was so caught up in his thought that he didn’t even realize you were standing in the room until you called out his name. As soon as he saw you he rushed to where you stood and asked what the results were. You didn’t trust your voice so you settled with just showing him the test in your hand. He looked at it and after a few seconds he looked back up at you in disbelief. “Does...does it mean you’re...you’re…” he was choking up and couldn’t form a correct sentence in fear that he understood it wrong and it was yet again a failed attempt. That was until you nodded your head with a soft smile and tears starting to brim your eyes.

In the next moment Taehyung fell to his knees in front of you and sobs ripped through the quiet room. He was so happy. Pure happiness. After so many years he finally did it. He had gotten everything he had ever wanted in his life. And that was the moment he realized it.

“You’re going to be a dad, Tae.” You said softly to him as he hugged your belly while he whispered sweet promises of a good life to his chilled growing in your belly.

Over the next 9 months Tae was extra protective of you, he was not going to let anything happen to you or your child. He’d scold you every time he saw you do some kind of effort - potentially dangerous or not -, he’d do most of the chores that you usually did even though you assured him over and over again that you could do it, he’d accept every moody attitude that you had and buy everything you needed for your cravings and even try the weird dishes with you, although that was just because for his curiosity. He even renovated one of your spare rooms into a newborn room with the other bang tan boys without you knowing. You were kind of upset about the fact that he didn’t let you help but at the same time you were quite happy with the result. The room looked dreamy.

Taehyung even assisted to the birth of your beautiful baby girl and was the first one to hold the new main character of your life. Later that night he held her tight and watched her sleep and you also asleep in the bed next to him and realized that this was the start of the most beautiful moments in his life.

And that’s how it was for the first few months. While balancing his work life and his private life he tried to spend every moment he had with her and you and he did a great job at it as he did not miss one of her firsts.

That was until the impossible happened.

A world Tour.

Over the past few months Tae had almost forgotten that he was not only Kim Taehyung but also BTS’s V and that V also had responsibilities.

Now Taehyung obviously loved tour. He did. He loved it at any other moment that now. Of all the other times it could have happened, it had to happen during the most important time of parenting. He knew he was going to miss a lot which visibly broke his heart. You saw that and tried lifting up his mood by reassuring him that you were going to call each other as much as possible.

But that promise was harder to keep that you had thought. Of course you two tried to talk everyday but a lot of factors were playing against it. Schedules, time difference, exhaustion, flights… it just wasn’t working.

Your daughter’s first birthday was coming up soon and Tae was still on tour. You knew that he would never forgive himself if he missed such an important day with her and you were worried that you two would not be able to call each other again on that day. So you came up with a solution.

You were going to go to wherever he was on that day. You planned everything and made arrangements with his manager to see if it would be alright, which luckily it was.

That‘s how you found yourself 5 days later in the airport on your way to Germany to surprise your man with your daughter.

Your phone was going off for the third time this morning and it was Taehyung again. He was trying to reach you to talk to your daughter since today was her birthday and you felt bad for not answering but you knew you had a bigger surprise to make up for it.

And you were a little relieved when you went into the plane and had to turn your phone off for the flight as you didn’t have to go through the temptation to answer your husband’s calls.

The plane took off and you looked anxiously at the 1 year old on your lap waiting for her to start crying but to your surprise she was fast asleep. You sighed in relief and decided to take an example on your girl and took a nap, too.

Several hours and only one tantrum from your daughter later you arrived in Berlin and found the boys‘ manager who was here to pick you up.

„Did you have a good flight, Y/N“ Sejin said while hugging you and then pinching the cheek of the sleeping girl in your arms.

„Long but okay, thank you.” You replied. Sejin was like an older brother to you by now so it was nice to see him again.

He took your luggage and led you to the car to take you to the rehearsal place the boys were currently at. You had to say that you were kind of nervous after not answering his calls but you were more excited to see his reaction and to see him. You arrived in the blink of an eye and you got out of the car.

“They’re practicing right now, let me take you there.” Sejin told you as you got out of the car.

You ran a hand through your hand and took a deep breath before following the tall man into the practice room, your daughter in your arms just starting to wake up.

The familiar sound of ‘Black Swan’ got louder and louder in your ears and soon enough you saw your husband and his 6 brothers dancing their hearts out with their backs to you.

Your heart was pounding in excitement but you tried to contain it and not run up to the love of your life right then as you didn’t want to disturb their dance practice.

The music came to an end and all the boys fell to the floor in exhaustion and you couldn’t help but worry about if they were getting enough sleep. Tour was tiring as it was so pair that with the boy’s perfectionism, your worries were definitely not for nothing.

You were caught up in your thoughts when your daughter started babbling incomprehensible words and when you lifted your gaze back up to look at the boys seven pairs of eyes were looking back at you in pure surprise. ‘Way to ruin the surprise’ you thought to yourself

“Surprise!” You said sheepishly with a grin on your face.

Taehyung was the first to stand to his feet. “Is this real or is the exhaustion making me hallucinate?” You giggled as you saw him Blick in disbelief.

“No hallucination, babe. I couldn’t let you miss Y/D/N’s first birthday.” You reassured him and in the next moment he was sprinting over to you two.

“Y/D/N!!! My princess Daddy missed you so so much!” But as he reached to take her in his arms, she did the unthinkable. She flinched away and hid in the crook of your neck.

Oh no.

You could see the exact moment Taehyung’s heart broke. He dropped his arms slowly and his smile did the same thing “ She-“ he gulped “ Does she not remember me?”

“She’s just sleepy” you laughed nervously “she just woke up. You know how she is when she wakes up.” You tried to calm him down but you both now that was not the reason for her behavior. Let’s face it. She just turned one and her father had been away for a few months. You honestly couldn’t expect her to remember him. At least not right away.

By now the rest of the boys were also beside you watching the scene unfold in front of them. Tae took a deep breath and tried reaching for her again. “ Princess it’s me, your Appa.” He said softly, partly to not scare her away but also because he was sure he would break down if he spoke any louder. But the tears came anyway when she shook her arms out of his gentle grip and started to cry.

You didn’t know what to do. How do you make your child remember their father? You racked your brain for something while the boy tried to comfort your husband. Screw it, you told yourself as you resolved to just talking to her.

“Baby, will you look at mommy” you cooed. When she looked at you hiccuping you were relieved at the small win. “ Look over there! It’s your Appa” you said overly enthusiastically but she wouldn’t look. “Princess you love Appa, don’t you remember?” She looked up at you again at your words a little confused but interested and you could see Tae’s desperate look from the corner of your eyes. “Yes! You don’t remember talking to him on the phone? He always sings to you.” And that’s when it hit you. “Tae! Sing!” The confused look on his face mirror the one your daughter made earlier but when he saw your encouraging smile he started to sing.

His beautiful deep voice filled the room as he sang your daughter’s favorite song and for a moment you just stood there and took in how nice it felt to be back with Tae and be able to here his voice in real life.

And then you looked at your daughter anxiously. Out of a sudden she’d turned her head to look at her father. Did she recognize him?

“Appa?” She said in a small voice and relief washed over you and you could tell the same happened to your husband.

“Yes. Yes Princess, it’s Appa.” He said eyes slightly moist as he took a tentative step toward you.

That’s when your daughter’s face finally broke into a big smile. “Appa!” She shouted, making grabby hands towards him. Sighing in relief Tae took her in his arms and hugged her tight, a few tears now rolling down his cheeks. “I missed you so much my little Princess. Happy birthday.” He whispered to the now excited bundle of happiness in his arms and planted a few kisses across her face, making her giggle.

You reached up and wiped the tears that were resting on Taehyung’s cheeks away and he turned to you. “Hi” he said and you giggled “Hey.”

“Thank you for doing this.” He pulled you in for a family hug.

Suddenly you heard a voice from behind Taehyung. “ I’m not trying to ruin your moment but Y/N did you maybe bring a cake? I haven’t had any sugar in way too long.” Jungkook pouted and everyone in the room bursted into laughter.

Jungkook (Jeon Jeongguk)

“Whatever. I have to go.” He ended the call before you could get another word in.

Were you really being too clingy? It’s not like it was the first time you had to go through this type of situation. You two had been separated for far longer than this time so why were you like this?

“Mom are you okay?” You suddenly heard a voice at your bedroom door. You looked up to see your son watching you with worried eyes.

“Yeah I’m okay.” You mustered up a smile. “Why do you ask.”

“Because you’re crying.” He said his frown getting deeper. Immediately your hand went to your face and sure enough tears were streaming down your face.

“O-oh” you tried to dry them as fast as possible “I’m okay, puppy. Don’t worry.” You replied with a soft smile but he didn’t seem to believe you as he came in, took a seat next to you on the bed and pulled you in for a hug.

Naturally your tears started falling freely when you realized your son’s hug felt almost the same as Jungkook’s which only made you miss him more. He was 16 now and definitely resembled what his father looked at the same age.

“Mom, please tell me what’s wrong.” He asked again. You didn’t want to tell him because you didn’t want him to worry about you but maybe not telling him would only make him worry more you pondered. The sobs ripping through you wouldn’t let you speak even if you wanted to anyway.

“Is it dad?” Y/S/N asked tentatively. Oh fish were you really that obvious? Finally calming down a bit you pulled away and looked at your son.

“You got me.” You chuckled, wiping at your tears. “I’ve just been missing your father a little more than usual lately. It’s silly. Really Y/S/N, don’t mind me.”

He didn’t let up though. “ You have every right to miss him mom. I mean when was the last time he’s even called. Seems like he’s forgotten he has a family here.” The scowl on his face changed from worried to angry at the thought of it. Slight panic settled inside of you. You couldn’t let him be mad at his father because of you.

“Don’t say that, pup. You know your dad loves us more than anything. He is just really busy right now. I’m sure he tries to call as often as he can.” You reasoned partly trying to convince yourself.

“Right but then he argues with you when he does call?” You froze. Had heard you two fight? “Being busy is not a reason for treating you like this, mom. You’ve been nothing but a loving wife and an amazing mother. When he’s not here you take care of us and the house all on your own while he’s having fun all around the world.” You could hear the concern and disappointment in his voice which broke your heart.

A sigh left your mouth. “Y/S/N look at me.” You waited until his eyes met yours before continuing. “I’m fine, okay? Your father and I are fine. Yes we did fight but that doesn’t mean anything. What couple doesn’t fight, hm? But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love us or appreciate me. I probably wouldn’t have been crying if I hadn’t been stressed with work and tired, so it’s not all your dad’s fault.” You forced a smile to convince him. It didn’t seem to work so you added “In fact, I’ll take a nap now and when I wake up all be completely alright again.” You said beaming.

“Alright” he said rolling his eyes but a small bunny smile on his lips “But if dad makes you sad again I won’t forgive him.” He added as he stood up from your bed to make his way outside.

“Look at you, protecting your mother.” You teased “My baby boy is all grown up” you wiped at a fake tear.”

“Whatever.” Your son laughed with a slight blush on his cheeks as he walked out of your room.

“I love you!” You said before he shut the door completely and you heard him shout it back from the hallway.

You could always count on your children to make you feel better, you thought to yourself as you lied back down on your bed. You weren’t lying when you said that you were tired because of work so you decided to actually take a nap.

In his room Y/S/N couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with you. He knew that you were defending his father because you loved your husband and because you wanted to protect him from any problems between them two but he also knew that his father was in fact neglecting his family - be it on purpose or not - and that it was taking a toll on you. He could let his father get away with that. What kind of son would he be if he did?

So he took out his phone and called the man in question and to his surprise he did actually answer.

“Hey kid. Can I call you back later? I’m in the middle of practice right now” the familiar voice in the end of the line said making him roll his eyes. Typical he thought to himself.

“No, actually. Because I know you are going to forget and not call and this is kind of urgent.” He said before his father could end the call.

“Urgent? Did something happen?” He could hear the slight panic in Jungkook’s voice.

“Yes. Your argument with mom happened.” The worry on his dad’s face quickly changed to disinterest to which his anger grew.

“Y/S/N don’t mind it. This has nothing to do with you. Your mom and I are fine.” Y/S/N could tell that his father was about to end the call.

Wow is he serious? How could he be so insensitive after hurting her like that?

“You might be fine but she is not, dad” at this point he wasn’t even trying to hide the anger in his voice. “Mom does so much and you take her for granted.”

Jungkook could hear how affected his son was and that was definitely not his intention. But he really had to go back to practice right now so he tried to calm him down as fast as possible “ Buddy listen-”

“No you listen to me, Dad” his son’s dedication surprised him “When you’re not here, Mom has to balance work, taking care of the work, taking care of us and she does it without ever complaining. Even when it gets hard and she misses you she keeps to herself to not upset us and to be strong for us because we miss you too. But then when she needs you, just to talk to you, for you to make her feel better and to give her strength to go through all of this you snap at her and make her cry?” At this point your son was getting a little emotional.

It is only when Jungkook heard those words that he forgot all about practice and started to realize what he was doing “W-wait what? She cried?”

He didn’t know? Your son thought to himself. He thought he knew he made you cry and just didn’t care, that’s why he was so mad.

“I thought you knew.” He saw his father frantically shake his head on the screen of his phone.

“I would have never ended that call knowing she was crying, Y/S/N. If I knew I had upset her that much I would have talked it out with her.” Although his anger died down significantly the 16-years-old was still quite mad at his father because no matter if he knew it or not he made you upset. “Is she okay? Is she still crying?” Okay so he does care. Good to know.

“She’s fine now. I comforted her.” Even though that is supposed to be your job. He wanted to add but decided against it because he could see that his father genuinely felt bad. “I think she just misses you a lot, Dad. You’ve been gone for months and when’s the last time you called?”

Jungkook knew he hadn’t been the best husband and father for the past months and the guilt fell on him like a brick. “Let me talk to her.”

“She’s taking a nap right now. She has been overwhelmed with work for the past weeks.” Your son shook his head.

“She has?” Jungkook ran his hand through his locks in frustration for not knowing “Gosh I’m such a fuckup.” He frowned.

“Yes but your lucky Mom loves you. She kept defending your actions earlier even though you’ve obviously been an asshole to her.” Jungkook was so absorbed by the thought of him not deserving you that he didn’t even notice his son insulting him.

“Y/S/N please tell me when your mom wakes up. I need to talk to her as soon as possible but I don’t want to wake her up. She probably really needs the sleep.” He said and his son nodded. Jungkook was set on making things better with you. “Thank you. And I love you. And I love your mom. Please don’t ever doubt that.” Jungkook said with the most serious look on his face. The last thing he wanted was for his son to question his father’s feelings for his mom.

“I know. That’s why I called. I know you will make it better.” He finally smiled at his father and his father mirrored it.

They said their goodbyes and Jungkook was left to find a worthy apology.

Tags: @eviardashian

#bts reactions #bts #kpop #bangtan #bts angst #bts rm #bts jin #bts suga #bts jhope #bts jimin #bts v #bts jungkook #kim namjun #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #min yoonki #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #jeon jungguk #bangtan fics #bts fic #bts fics #bangtan fic

[ickle-ronniekins]

dance with me

request from nonnie! “Hello! Im terribly in love with your writing! I was wondering if maybe, Charlie takes Bill, the twins an (either oc or reader insert) to a muggle party and they’re all super confused but love it and Fred is completely smitten by the OC when she danced and maybe did something weird/special of your choosing. I hope it isnt much, lots of love for u and Mischief Managed! ♥️”

pairing: fred x muggle!reader

word count: 2.2k

A/N: my dudes i don’t even know what the fuck this is but i loved this request so much, didn’t mean to make it sad, sry, also you can interpret this how you will.. personally i think they’re both too vulnerable rn to ~get it on~ but i like to think that maybe fred would open his heart again after this and she’d mend his heartbreak..... brb making myself big sad !!!!!! but listen if you wanna imagine him pinning her against the wall and having the time of his life then go for it, man i'm just...... big into angst;;;;;;; pls reblog & leave feedback & things of the like, thank you loves

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @cottageoflove @laneygthememequeen @snakesonaplane-7 @lupinsx @keoghans​ @helloallthethingsilove​ @waschbiber​ @dreamer821​ @the-hufflepuff-of-221b​ @62442-am​ @wtfweasleyy​ @obsessedwithrandomthings​ @thoseofgreatambition​ @harrysweasleys​ @sleep-i-ness​ @shadowsinger11​ @shadychaoticcollection​ @haphazardhufflepuff​ @afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff​ @hood-and-horan​ @letsfightsomeorcs​ @theweasleysredhair​ @purpleskiesstorm​ @hxfflxpxffs​ @wand3ringr0s3​ @finecole​ @angelinathebook​ @highly-acidic​ @purplefragile @90shermione​ @zreads​ @susceptible-but-siriusexual​ @parker-potters​ @andromedaa-tonks​ @bbstrawberry0421 | message me to be added!

The foggy, wet streets of the city were unappealing compared to the very comforting, open landscape next to the Burrow. The very last thing that Fred and George had wanted to do was follow their two eldest brothers in the frigid, rainy weather to some silly Muggle party in central London.

Especially Fred.

He didn’t want to be forced out of the one place that made him somewhat happy, especially when he was still nursing the heartbreak that had been causing him so much unpleasantness.

But they’d obliged, because Charlie had nearly pounced on the two of them about it, and they’d much rather go to this than be forced to sit inside the Burrow with pompous Percy -- although, since the war, he had admittedly gotten better at not being a self-righteous git.

The twins had a ton on their plate; not to mention, Fred wasn’t in the mood for any of it. They were dragged out of their business shop by Bill, who was adamant about the fact that they’d both needed a night out, and when they’d tried to persist, telling their eldest brother many times that they had too much to do before the newest shipment of magical inventions came in, Bill had nearly hexed the pair of them, causing them both to shut up almost instantaneously.

But now, as bright, fluorescent lights hit the middle of the room, highlighting you, your smooth and effortless dance moves, and the very lazy grin on your face as you sang along to the booming music in between sips of your drink, Fred wasn’t so huffy about being here anymore.

His heartbreak didn’t seem so heavy anymore.

At least right now, it didn’t.

Admittedly, Bill was right. They really did need a night out. They’d been so bloody busy working that they hadn’t even been to the pub in a few weeks’ time. Ever since the war, business had seemed to escalate, which was really saying something, considering it was incredibly busy even before all of this had gone down. The two of them hardly ever had a moment to breathe. Which, they supposed, was good for Fred. Kept him occupied, kept his mind at bay. But they reckoned they probably needed to hire some more help. Ron had reluctantly agreed to lend a hand. It was Hermione’s idea. A brilliant one, at that.

George thrust a beer frustratingly into his twin’s hands. “We’ve got so much to do, mate.”

“Yeah,” Fred replied breathlessly, truly not listening to a word George was saying.

Fred Weasley had always had it easy when it came to the ladies. They flocked to him, really. He didn’t like to admit it so as not to come off like an entitled prat, but it was true. It was probably due to the fact that he was always making everyone laugh -- something that came equally as easy to him. Perhaps it was his bright red hair that the girls ogled over. Maybe it was his wicked sense of adventure, and the fact that he was always landing himself in questionable situations more often than not. But that was school. He could easily impress those girls at school. He hadn’t had too in a while, though. He’d been happily tied up with the same person for years — that is, until he wasn’t. Until she’d picked someone else.

This was different, though. This was a Muggle party, in the middle of central London, in someone’s sweaty, sticky flat with a bunch of people he didn’t know. Fred couldn’t do magic here. He couldn’t impress someone with his inventions or with his stories about adventure without giving away the fact that he was a from a magical background. He couldn’t use his usual tricks in front of all of these Muggles or he’d be in a ton of hot water.

He also couldn’t let his very intense vulnerability and his rusty flirting get in the way.

But he wouldn’t be Fred Weasley if he didn’t try, right?

It was always easy for Fred to be able to flirt absentmindedly with women. But with his heart in a fragile state, he wasn’t so sure it would be easy tonight.

Bill, picking up on his younger brother’s locked knees and fingers gripped tight around his beer, stopped in front of them. “You alright, Fred?”

“Yeah,” Fred said again, clearing his throat and swigging a bit of his drink. He then thrust the nearly full beer into Charlie’s hands, who furrowed his brows in a confused look. Fred continued, “More than okay. Hey, you guys have fun -- I’ll catch up with you in a bit, alright?”

He left his brothers standing at the other end of the room as he pushed through tons of people. When he’d finally made it to the middle, you were gone. He casually swerved around, peering all around the room to try and meet the gaze with the eyes he felt like he’s known for years already. He then spotted you toward the corner, pouring yourself another drink. His feet began moving before he could register exactly what he was doing; so quickly, in fact, that he hadn’t even heard the obnoxious exchange of words and laughter from behind him from his brothers.

“Merlin, can we go anywhere without Fred picking someone up?”

“Give him a break, mate -- he hasn’t seen anyone since everything unraveled with the last one. It’s been almost two years. Reckon this is good for him — for me, too.”

“Wish it was that easy for me to pick someone up, bloody hell.”

With his heart pounding unnaturally against his ribcage, Fred slid next to you and too began to pour himself a drink, glad to have gotten rid of that beer that Charlie was now undoubtedly guzzling. He opened his mouth to speak, but much to his surprise, you spoke first.

“Ahh -- a whiskey man, are you?”

He was taken aback at the sultry sound of your voice; maybe it was because the music was pounding in his ears, or the fact that you were this foreign person he desperately found himself wanting to know, and very quickly. He looked down at his drink, and then up at you. You were already sipping yours. “That a bad thing?”

“Not necessarily -- though I haven’t decided yet.”

The slight eyebrow raise you gave him made his insides twist. It was too early in the night for nerves. He swallowed them down as he took a swig of his very strong drink. “Haven’t decided, hm?”

You turned to him and then around to face the rest of the party. You inched closer and crossed your arms over your chest, and nodded. “There are three different types of men here tonight, you see. Those, over there,” you pointed with your pinky finger to a bunch of very frat-like men sipping lazily on their beers or glasses of wine, “they’ve come looking for something casual. Not so casual as far as one nighters go, but a fling. Something of the like. Those over on that end,” Fred followed your finger over to a very messy looking group of men who were dancing far too close with some women in the middle of the dance floor -- they looked like they all needed to get rooms. Separately. Merlin. “You know the type of night they’re looking for.”

Fred couldn’t help but snort a bit as he sipped casually.

“And then there’s you. Sipping your whiskey. Cute as ever.”

You turned back toward him and he raised an eyebrow. He was now feeling a bit self-conscious — he was both thrilled and equally embarrassed at being called “cute” by a woman as stunning as you, way out of his league and probably having quite a laugh yourself. He didn’t even know your name. What would you say next? You’d already deemed him the “third type of man” in the room, but the fact that he was a standalone, and not lumped in with another group, made him feel both overwhelmingly relieved, and also slightly terrified. But he tried to play it cool.

“What about me?”

You brought your hand to your hip and wet your lips, pondering this. A small smirk spread itself across your face, the fluorescent light flashing across your eyes. “I dunno yet,”

He liked that. He liked that you didn’t know anything about him. He liked that he didn’t have to be the bloke who made jokes to lighten the mood, the guy who loved messing with people, or the boy who got his heart broken by a girl who’d never really cared for him at all. He didn’t have to be any of those people. He could just be Fred.

“Haven’t decided, I reckon? Like the whiskey?”

You smiled; it was bad enough that Fred was losing his mind solely at the perfume you were wearing, and the fact that this conversation was going absolutely nothing like what he’d planned. Your eyes met his and your voice was soft when you leant in closer, “That’s what makes it so bloody dangerous.”

He didn’t know what the bloody hell you meant by that but he didn’t seem to mind, especially when you grabbed him by the shirt and led him to the dance floor again, slinging your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you as some slow song he’d never heard blared through the speakers in the corner.

“And to think — I was just going to come over here and see if I’d even be lucky enough to have a chat,”

You laughed at this, shutting your eyes whilst doing so, and Fred noticed something sparkly painted on your skin toward the edges of your eyes. “What can I say? You’ve intrigued me.”

Perhaps he could do this without any magic. Bloody difficult to not talk all about it, though.

Perhaps his vulnerability would subside, and he’d be able to talk and flirt and dance without thinking back on his own overwhelming heartache that had rendered him nearly useless the last few months.

But after a while, he stopped worrying. The music was so loud, your laughter so infectious, that he’d forgotten all about all those stupid jokes he’d wanted to make about his shop, about Hogwarts, about the magic he’d learned growing up. It wasn’t until you’d asked him to be in the moment with you that he’d truly remembered them.

“Just,” you’d started, tugging gently on the collar of his shirt and biting your bottom lip as another song played loudly, “just be here with me, okay?”

Fred wondered, as glassiness seemed to fill your eyes through a grin at him, if you, too, were in need of this night out.

Maybe you were nursing some kind of heartbreak, too.

Maybe you were also trying to find some type of normal.

It was in your tone — in the way your voice trembled slightly when you’d said be here with me. He didn’t think you were looking for something like a fling, like those guys you’d pointed at before. And he definitely knew that you weren’t looking for one night and one night only, like those sloppy people he’d kept trying to avoid on the dance floor. Maybe, like you’d said, you just needed him to be here. In the moment. Just the two of you, shoes heavy against the hardwood floor, eyes sparkling underneath the lights.

He realized, when he peered down at you and felt some type of warmth for the first time since his own heart was crushed in its vulnerability, that he just needed you to be here with him, too.

So when you leant forward slowly, trying to read his expression, to see if it was okay to do what you wanted to do, he leant in too, pressing his lips gently to yours in a spark of electricity for the first time in Merlin only knows how long.

And what he tasted on your lips sent him spiraling.

When you pulled apart, he raised an eyebrow and smirked at you. “What?” You asked nervously, biting down on the bottom lip, desperately trying to hide the smirk that was growing on your face.

“A whiskey girl, eh?”

You shrugged casually, as if it meant nothing. But you both knew it meant everything. It was just strange, he thought — your first interaction just hours ago, the conversation you’d held, and how you were here, now, entangled together. You wiggled your eyebrows at him — and he was surprised that he found it both innocent and incredibly alluring. “Told you it’s dangerous.”

You sipped the very last of your drink before tossing your cup into the waste bin. Fred reckoned he could stay here all night, forgetting about all of the things that kept him up at night, the things that had been making him so bloody prone to unpleasantness for such a long time. He wanted to laugh again. He wanted to smile again. He wanted to love again.

When you cocked your head to the side and smiled softly at him, beginning to mouth the words to the music, he reckoned he might just be able too.

Then you tugged on both of his hands, placed them delicately across your waist as you locked your arms around his neck again, you said over the booming of the next stupid song you’d undoubtedly sing every word too,

“Just dance with me, Freddie.”

#fred weasley #george weasley #fred and george weasley #weasley twins #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley reader insert #fred weasley imagines #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley fanfiction #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #hp imagine #hp imagines #weasley twins imagine #weasley twins imagines

[westerberg]

tagged by @officialglenntilbrook 😘💞💖❤️🥂

1. what is the first song you remember hearing? Oh man uhh... i remember my my dad playing the video for... oops i did it again I think? by britney spears and i was very obsessed with it. if i saw the video I would know but i don’t feel like doing that. hard to say if that is my earliest memory of music tho. i remember listening to the R.E.M. In Time greatest hits in the car late at night and feeling weird out of body as Man on the Moon came on. i like that story better but I have no idea when that memory is from. i also feel like i heard my mom singing along with Sarah McLaughlin or Norah Jones a lot when i was very young.

2. what is the first band you got into? hmm... i  really loved Bon Jovi when I was very young but i didn’t like. have any knowledge of them or their discography I just liked slippery when wet and their greatest hits. and also thats embarrassing so i am trying to think of an out... probably the first real musical obsession i had was lana del rey when I was 14 /15 but thats also not great. just take the L buddy... i didnt actually get into music i would now consider very good until about 16.

3. do you collect any physical music? during quar i started trolling ebay and other similar sites for cheap cds and I have gotten a pretty good collection! you would be shocked the number of people who just really do not want to have their R.E.M. albums anymore. I have a few vinyls- a couple of cheap Joni records, Station to Station, the mats Dead Mans Pop boxset thing, and the R.E.M. single So. Central Rain. Oh and I have a very cool cd single of beastie boys body movin’. I also have a collection of cassettes that used to belong to my mom- she passed 5 yrs ago so they are very special to me! she had some R.E.M., U2, Eurythmics, Squeeze, Crowded House, Indigo Girls, and I recently dug up a bootlegged Tracy Chapman tape! she might have some more at her childhood home and if I find a tape of murmur i’ll like blackout. the sad thing is that now I really like all these musicians my mom apparently liked but i was not into them when she was alive so :/ figuring things out feels like archeology. was listening to In Time greatest hits the other day and was like she definitely skipped E-Bow the Letter every time it came on lol bc i did not hear this song until like last year.

4. what is your favourite piece of music memorabilia? do you know that picture of R.E.M. where they are all holding roses like they are all going to the prom together? i scored a poster of that off Ebay for the incredible deal of $50!! a deal at any price :) I don’t have much that is like legit valuable lol. But here you have to see the picture

5. what's your favourite concert you've ever been to? hmm i havent really been to any truly mindblowing concerts I don’t think. I got to see Tommy Stinson play an acoustic set at 7th street entry in 2019 which was very cool. I feel crazy saying thats my favorite but it was incredibly special.

6. if you could see one artist who is no longer alive in concert, who would it be? If you ask right now I would probably have to say Replacements with Bob Stinson. Prince would be a close one

7. have you met any musicians? almost! when i went to see tommy stinson, afterwards he was hanging in a bar next to the club and was taking selfies with people. i kept thinking about getting in line and eventually i decided to just do it. when i finally went to go look for him he was deep in a conversation with someone and I also realized i had nothing intelligent to say, so i sat and stared at him talking for a bit until i left and went back to the show.

8. what is your go to album when you're feeling sad? Tim by the mats! i think i maybe listened to this album every day my senior year of high school. it is legitimately strange how I feel as if this album just knows me very well. everyone says this about the mats but every song feels like it’s about me and my life. I think a perk of being a lower middle class Minnesotan with an alcoholic father is just really really getting the replacements. but i guess it depends on the kind of sad I am. If i’m just looking to be cheered up i might go with Lifes Rich Pageant or Green by R.E.M. because invariably by the end of Tim I will be bummed out !

9. what is your go to album when you're feeling happy? somehow this is a very hard question. Radio City by Big Star was a big one for me when i was still on campus. maybe an obvious one but rubber soul is a good being happy album

10. what is one music documentary you love? the doc Every Everything about Grant Hart from Hüsker Dü is a favorite. it’s just all interview with him and he’s a fascinating guy. I’ve never watched an interview with him where i wasn’t like woah u’re smart :0... the director of that also did a good replacements doc but at certain point with mats journalism im just like well i could’ve just read trouble boys.

11. what is one concert DVD you love? I think I only own one concert DVD, Prince’s Lovesexy show which i was very obsessed with back in high school.

12. do you prefer listening to playlists or albums? i prefer albums usually, sometimes i’m in the mood for a playlist but albums are def superior

13. do you prefer to listen to albums in order or on shuffle? in order !!!! What am i a psychopath

14. what is your favourite deep cut song by your favourite artist? Portland by the mats is a top ten song of theirs. very in character for it to be a b-side i’m not even mad

15. what is your favourite cd/cassette/vinyl you own in terms of packaging? I love the inner sleeve of my Grandpaboy cd which is just Paul Westerberg’s doodles and scribblings. sometimes when i buy stuff off of ebay it comes with notes and stuff too which is my favorite. my copy of suicaine gratifaction came with a very sweet note of how much the previous owner loved it. and my copy of mbv’s loveless has this very hard to read note which i can maybe make out half of. if you can read it please translate for me.

i love being tagged but if you do not want to answer 15 long questions do not feel pressured! i shall tag @the-replacemints @pattismithgender @myfcukingrat @willemdafoeplscallmemynumberis @little-rimbaud @milesofsmiles97 @electrofolk 🤙😜💘

#this was very fun!!!! thank yoo <3

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

[disaster-bay-leaf]

Ok so these were the cutest~ (ㆁωㆁ)

4, 6, 7, 9, 12, 19, 22, 23, 28, 33, 34, 46, 47, 52, 59, 60, 63, 66, 83, 87, 88, 93, 99

I kno I listed like....all of them lmao but feel free to answer whichever you want and ofc you can ask me in return Baybe ( ◜‿◝ )♡

uHUHUHUHU much content for me to answer, im happy bebe 💜💜💜✨

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

hm coffee either Very Black No Sugar (for the sleep deprived me) or iced latte three sugars and theres no in between

and as for tea its All Black Teas That Exist, cinnamon-flavoured especially (but basically all teas that come to mind when u think “autumn”), and rooibos!!! okay basically the only oke i dont like is any type of green tea (which is sad because they look cool but my tastebuds said ✨no✨)

6 - do you keep plants?

honestly id l o v e too because i love plants but,,, im kinda horrible at taking care of them though still way better than the majority of my family (research helps) so the only plant i own is kinda a small-palm-tree-looking thing in a bigass glass jar that i saved from my mother’s plant-destructing hands and its mostly doing well (the ends of its leaves are starting to be yellow tho and im worried:((( )

7 - do you name your plants?

yes!!! though the current one was named by my sister and its called “pickett” after fantastic beasts shsjjsj

9 - do you like singing/humming to yourself?

oh god oh dude you have n o idea

i have absolutely n o singing voice but its something i do constantly to give my brain the right amount of stimuli so basically i listen to music 24/7 and hum to myself 99% of that time

12 - whats your favourite planet?

oh i actually didnt think about this for so long but either pluto (hes a planet screw nasa) or saturn (RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or venus (girls,,,and libra,,,)

19 - do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw in it?

okay im gonna be completely honest with yall and say that my every single try at keeping a journal failed spectacularly and i lost motivation after like a few months so my only journals rn are my fancy fake-leather-bound calendar to note tests and assessments into, a kinda roughed up notebook that i uses for noting down poems or scribbling or passing notes in class, and a kinda fancy bullet journal notebook that i used as a book of shadows for a while but since my fountain pen died i didnt touch it

22 - are you a morning person?

n o

i am so not a morning person but i wish i could be because honestly dawns are beautiful

but as it is rn im either sleep deprived all the time and loathe every second of being in an awake state or (if i have a few days of schoolbreak) my biological clock moves forward a few hours and i sleep 2am-10am

23 - whats your favourite thing to do on lazy days with zero obligations?

except for the fact that i dont remember the last time it happened, i would probably spend it drawing outside, watching anime with my sister and riding a bike around the forest

28 - sunrise or sunset?

i love sunrises because its so peaceful and everyone is asleep but also i subconsciously immediately correlate them with waiting for a train to take me to school (because thats basically the only time i see them) so its a bittersweet love especially with my fucked up biological clock

but sunsets are really really pretty too and i see them more often so i cant choose

33 - whats your fave pastry?

and isnt that a millior-dollar question dhsjjsjsj

either cinnamon rolls (i absolutely adore them) or that one specific type of cupcake-shaped-thing made out of shortcrust/bread/whatever its called and filled with vanilla pudding

34 - tell us about a stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

awwww this is cute

okay so basically my two favourite stuffed animals (i still have them, they sit in my wardrobe) were two teddy bears (like maybe 20cm high each of them) and one was pure brown and the other was silver-brown and they had stereotypical polish male names “Waldek” (read. Valdek) and Stefan (i think tho im not sure if i remember correctly, my memory is a feeble thing sometimes

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of

what dog would never bite you? a hot dog *badumtss*

47 - what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

huh a year ago id say pineapple pizza but i guess i dont hate pineapples that much anymore (tho putting them on pizza is still an abomination) but i think that if id ever want to get rid of anything it would be parsley, i hate that freakin herb (does it count as food tho)

52 - what are your favourite memes of the year so far?

the ever given for sure shsjshjsjsjsjjsj

but bullying tramp stamps is gold and pure tumblr energy too

as for fandom memes: im in love with all keeping-up-with-the-todorokis variations and the fact that the entire bsd fandom looked at fukuchi and said “biTCH” and thats one of the only things we’re unanimous about

59 - whats your favourite myth?

i always liked the kora/persephone myth (though demeter is an overbearing parent to the nth power), loki and thor crossdressing at a party to get mjolnir back, atalanta because shes a queen and id politely ask her to kick my ass, and cassandra because she deserved better, and theres a l o t more because alas i was a mythology nerd but this post is long enough for me not to make this section 20 times longer sjjsjsjsjsjks

but there are a lot of slavic myths that are very cool too, though we dont know that much about them as about the greeks for example

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

o o o o h yeah i do like poetry because to create such a beautifully sounding thing with only words someone has to be a genius

some of my favs are: some works of nakahara chuuya (thank u bsd for introducing me to this man’s beautiful imagery in his works i swear to god the descriptions do it for me) (also his poem about having hangovers is a mood like i feel you buddy), the raven by ea poe (i know everyone likes it but hOLY DAMN THE INTER/INTRAVERSE RHYMES ARE LIKE,,, BREATHTAKING) (and aso im a slut for gothic horror), and many more but also That One Poem From Welcome To Nightvale about reaching the island in the west,,, only perfect vibes from it

63 - are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be?

okay heres the thing. for anyone else both my playlist library and my bookshelf would be considered pure chaos of a mad man b u t they actually have a highly focused system which means that i sort them based on their vibes, lovability and (in case of books) their age and whether or not theyre a part of a series so i would say my bookshelf is rather organised (when a quarter of it isnt occupying my desk that is) and my music is more organised than not but sometimes it gets out of control and i have to sort it entirely again

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

either entirely constructed of simple white daisies, entirely constructed of only white roses, or something that probably would win a “how many different coloured flowers can one fit in a flower crown” competition

or something purple (maybe not belladonna)

83 - whats some of your favourite album art?

god i dont know if it counts but hozier’s wasteland baby is probably one of my absolute favourites and no one shall beat that

“thrifted youth” (dalynn) and “standard deviation” (danny schmidt) have very aesthetic covers too

also the iconic p!atd too weird to live, too rare to die! album cover,,, its just iconic what can i say

and last but not least matt meason’s pink-and-black album covers (though bank on the funeral is really pretty too but like,,, “who killed matt meason” d o e s it for me and so does the 2017 tribulation single)

87 - what are some movies that you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

this is such a hard question because im not a really cinematography-oriented gal but i suppose that (at the risk of not going deep enough into the cinema world):

- the princess bride

- inception

- night at the museum

- SPIRITED AWAY

- forrest gump

- truman show

- E.T. (i cried okay)

- the lord of the rings (because damn me if this isnt one impressive adaptation)

- parasite

and one more personal recommendation: “ready or not” with samara weaving because goddamn i dont usually watch this genre but holy s h i t is it good

93 - whats the hairstyle you wear the most?

honestly just plain hair down (because having curly hair is a menace), split in the middle when i have longer hair and split on one side when its short

also low ponytails or half-up-half-down when im exercising, or double french braids when my hair doesnt cooperate enough to look presentable in any other form

99 - list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them

this is difficult because my music taste is a goddamn rollercoaster on a good day, but heres some:

- me and the sky from “come from away” musical (this is sort of a test song for my mental stability, if i cry i aint stable)

- dancing after death by matt meason (okay most songs by matt meason except for like,,, hallucinogenics maybe)

- tears and rain by james blunt

- i will follow you into the dark by death cab for cutie

- almost home by mxmtoon

- anything by hozier really but shrike especially

- payphone, the cover by alex g (i cried to this song so many times)

- burning pile by mother mother (can i roast all my problems please)

- long way from home and cleopatra by the lumineers

- autoclave by the mountain goats

oooh that was c o o o o o o o l as fuck thank you sm so much bebe (and sorry for the long post @everyone else)

#smadhuman being pure af #bay answers #long post #very long post #ask #asks

[no6secretsanta]

The Sound we Heard That Day

To: @hi-im-secretly-satan​

From: Signpainter1 (AO3)

The Sound We Heard That Day

“Hey Sion, what about this?”

Sion turned and surveyed the hat that his friend Lauren was holding. It was navy blue and woolly, with small smiling waving snowmen on it. It was definitely something Sion would buy for himself, though for Nezumi….

Sion giggle as he pictured Nezumi scowling from underneath it. “He would hate it.”

Lauran put the hat back, a frown on her face. “You weren’t kidding when you said he was hard to shop for. I can see why you wanted to meet early.” Sion made a sound of agreement. Lauran went back to surveying the items on a shelf. Sion joined her. He was glad he wasn’t shopping for Nezumi alone. After moving to No. 5 almost a  year ago, Sion had become close friends with Lauran and her boyfriend Ted. Nezumi didn’t care much about them, but he was pleasant enough in their company.

Four years previous, when Nezumi had materialized at their doorstep on Christmas Eve during a blizzard, Sion wasn’t sure what to expect from their relationship. He was extremely happy to see Nezumi again could shake the feeling that it wasn’t permanent. Even now, two years later, he would sometimes dream of Nezumi leaving him again.

“What else does Nezumi like?” Lauran’s voice brought Sion back to reality.

“Hmmm….” Sion’s mind ran over some ideas before he gave a sigh of defeat. “you know what? I think I’ll just get him a book after all. I wanted to get him something special, but I don’t want him to hate his gift. This is our first Christmas here and I want it to be perfect.”

“There’s a bookstore near the food court. We can go there.” Lauren glanced at her watch “But we better hurry. We said we’d meet up with our boyfriends at 6:30 and it’s already 6:15.”

Sion blushed. “Nezumi isn’t really my boyfriend.”

“But you two are romantically involved right?”

“Kind of…” Sion shrugged. “It’s complicated.” When the mood was right, they would cuddle and Nezumi made it clear he was interested in Sion. Even so, they hadn’t gone farther than that. Nezumi hadn’t kissed Sion since that Christmas after he had returned.”

Lauren, noticing Sion’s discomfort quickly said. “Well, in any case, we need to hurry.”

“Yeah, ok.”  

They headed out of the small store and down the crowded hall of the indoor mall.  The place was decorated for Christmas and cheerful music was playing over the intercom. The whole scene put Sion in a good mood. As they turned down another hall a jingle started playing from the intercoms. Sion paused at the sound.

Good afternoon shoppers. We thank you for choosing  No. 5 Central Mall for your shopping needs.  In the next ten minutes, we will be testing the new fire alarms. Please excuse any inconvenience this may cause.

The jingle played again, and Sion’s cocked his head in confusion.

“I’ve heard that jingle before. It used to play in No. 6 when general announcements were made.” It felt weird to hear it after all these years.  After rebuilding No.6 the jingle was put out of use since it caused trauma.  During the Holy Day, that jingle was played right before the chaos began. Sion may not have such a visceral reaction to it, but it still made him feel uncomfortable.

“That’s not surprising.” Lauran shrugged. “They tend to reuse stock sounds like that between all the cities. I grew up in No.3 and that jingle was used at schools when classes started and ended.”

“I see.” Sion mulled this over. “That makes sense.” It made him feel a little better to know that. “Right let’s go shopping!”

Picking a book wasn’t hard. Sion had basically memorized Nezumi’s whole library. It was one of the benefits of having a photographic memory. Sion knew what books Nezumi wanted and what books he already owned. He was in a very good mood as they left the book store to head towards the food court to meet Nezumi and Ted. As they started down the hall, the lights started flashing and the jingle started up again.

Good afternoon shoppers. We thank you for choosing  No. 5 Central Mall for your shopping needs. We will now be testing the new fire alarms. We’re are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.

As the voice died down another sound fill the halls. A high pitch alarm wailed in beat to the flashing lights.  Some kids covered their ears and a little girl started crying, but most of the shoppers just ignored it. Lauran seemed unperturbed by the sound. Sion however felt his stomach clench. He knew that sound. It haunted him through many of his nightmares. The last time he heard it he was 16 years old. Sion slowed down until he stopped completely starting off into space.

“Sion?” Laura’s voice sounded far away, as if she was on the other side of a long tunnel. She had stopped as well and was watching him concernedly. Sion wanted to respond to her, but he couldn’t speak. He was no longer in the mall listening to a fire alarm, he was in the Correction Facility. As the sound penetrate his brain, adrenaline and fear shot through him. The alarm was going off. They knew an intruder was in the facility. Safu was dead. He and Nezumi were in danger.

Sion’s legs shook as he desperately tried to reason with himself. It wasn’t the Correction Facility it was a mall. The sound was probably just being reused, just like the jingle. It didn’t mean anything. He wasn’t there again. He was safe. He was safe. He was safe.

His mind didn’t listen. A loud buzzing was slowly spreading across his brain, blocking rational thought. Sion staggered to the side of the hallway, trembling like a leaf. The sound was consuming him, dragging him back to that horrible day when he had lost himself in the depths of hell.  He leaned against the wall as the coldness continued to spread everywhere but his stomach, which was on fire. Sion tried to take a deep breath, but it was hard. His lungs didn’t want to expand in the stale air that surrounded him.

“Sion!” It was getting harder to hear Lauran’s voice. The other sounds were overpowering it. The sound of the shoppers, the fire alarm….

The gunshots, the screaming, the dying.

Sion’s eyes widened in fright. There were corpses on the ground. Men and women who were dragged to the Correction Facility now lay in a pile in front of him. Sion could still make out some of their faces. He could still remember some of them. Sion gasped for air as the smell of blood and decay hit him. Staggering forward he took off running.

“They aren’t there. They aren’t real.” The words made no impact on his mind. As his own senses continued to betray him, more images and feelings arose. Now all he could smell was rot and blood; all he could taste was stale air and copper; all he could feel was weariness and pain.

“Hey watch it!” Sion had run into someone. He couldn’t tell if they were a shopper or a guard. Sion staggered back and covered his face.  If he had hoped to find comfort in the darkness, he was wrong. Safu’s sad smile loomed out from the depths of nothingness. She was alone. Sion had failed her. He had let her die. He couldn’t do anything.

A wave of despair hit him. Why did he even come here?  Why did he foolishly think he could save Safu? He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t save all those innocent people. He couldn’t give a dying man a peaceful way out. He couldn’t even save the one person he came for. Pathetic. Weak. Sheltered.

A hand landed on Sion’s shoulder and he gave a cry of fear. Turning around he saw the terrified face of the man who he had killed. Sion’s stomach turned violently as renewed fear shot up his spin. That man couldn’t be here. He was dead.

“I didn’t have a choice.” Sion wasn’t sure if he was speaking aloud or in his head. The two realities were colliding using the alarm as a bridge. “You were going to shoot Nezumi! I didn’t have a choice!”

“What are you talking about?” The man had a female voice. Sion dully realized it was Lauran. “Who was going to shoot Nezumi? Sion, what’s going on?” Sion ignored her. He had just realized something horrible.

Nezumi wasn’t with him.

Where was Nezumi? Nezumi was always by his side in the Correction Facility. Even in Sion’s worst nightmares, Nezumi was present. He needed him now. He needed to see Nezumi’s uncaring smirk and deep grey eyes. He needed to hear his smooth voice. It was the only thing that could fix this. Nezumi was the only reason he was able to continue moving in the Correction Facility, even when he wanted to curl up and die.

Without another word, Sion took off running again. His confused mind tried to apply the map of the Facility that he memorized to his current location. It didn’t match up. Of course it didn’t. This wasn’t the Correction Facility. Sion gave an angry sob as he ran harder, pushing people out the way. Memories chased after him, pouring into his head.

Nezumi was crying and apologizing. Sion had killed someone and Nezumi blamed himself. It was the first time Nezumi had cried. It was the first time Nezumi had broken. No.6 couldn’t break Nezumi. The Correction Facility couldn’t break Nezumi. Sion could break Nezumi.

Then he was in the elevator. Nezumi had dragged Sion away from Safu. He had blown the place up. He had freed Safu from her imprisonment. He did what needed to be done to spare Sion the pain of that horrible choice. Even so, Sion had blamed him. He was such a child. He was so spoiled.

Finally, he saw Nezumi lying on the ground in front of him. Blood was pouring from his wound. Despite Sion’s rage towards him, Nezumi had protected him. Now he was laying on the ground gasping and writhing in pain. Sion knew he was suffering, fading.

“No!” Sion cried out, his eyes blurring from tears. He needed to get to Nezumi. He needed to save him. He had helped him once before. He could do it again. He needed Nezumi to be alright. He needed Nezumi. Nezumi needed him.

“If he needed you so badly then why did he leave you.”

The words washed Sion like a wave of cold water. He slowed down and stopped in the middle of the hall, lost and confused. Where was he? What did he do? Why did Nezumi leave? Gunshots rang out. Angry shoppers bumped into him and told him to move. Nezumi was singing in the cramped vehicle heading to the Facility. A girl was asking her mom for a doll in a display. The air smelled of spices from a nearby store. The air smelled of putrid gasses and death.  He was at the mall. He was at the Correction Facility.

And Sion was alone.

He bent over and covered his ears. He needed to block it all out. He needed to be stronger this time. He couldn’t rely on Nezumi. He was alone again. That was why Nezumi left him. Sion had become too much of a burden. If Sion was stronger, braver, smarter, wise, more talented, Nezumi wouldn’t have walked away. A small part of his mind whispered that it wasn’t truer, but he could hardly hear it over the chaos.

Sion sobbed loudly crying out for Nezumi. He didn’t want to be in the Correction Facility anymore. He didn’t want Safu to die. He didn’t want to kill that man. He didn’t want Nezumi to leave him. He couldn’t do it all again. It was too much, too tiring. It had been unbearable. The four years without Nezumi had also been unbearable. After the horrors of the Holy Day, his world became grey. He couldn’t enjoy life. He couldn’t smile as he used to. The thought of going back to waking from nightmares alone was terrifying. He didn’t want to cry himself to sleep again wondering if it was all his fault that Nezumi had left. Even after Nezumi had returned and added color to his life, Sion never confronted him about his fears. It was easier to pretend Nezumi never left. It hurt less. Now he regretted it. He needed some closure.

“Nezumi.” Sion wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. If real Nezumi wasn’t going to appear then perhaps a dream version would show up. Some version of Nezumi always came to him. Nezumi was always there when he was in danger. He always saved him.

“Please save me. Please come back. Please come back. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Sion!”

Sion opened his eyes groggily and uncovered his ears. His prayers had been answered. Nezumi was kneeling in front of him, pale and frightened. His eyes held the deep fear that Sion felt. Sion wanted to cry out in joy. Nezumi had come for him. He didn’t leave him to go mad in the Correction Facility. He didn’t leave him to grow old alone in No. 6.

“Is he alright?” another voice asked. It sounded like a man’s. Sion knew he should recognize it, but he couldn’t think who it belonged to.

“I don’t know.” A woman’s voice spoke. “He just started freaking out. Nezumi what’s wrong with him?” Nezumi ignored them, his eyes on Sion alone. Sion reach forward and touched his shoulder.

“Are you really here?” Sion wasn’t sure why the ground was shaking so hard. It made it difficult to keep his hand steady.

Nezumi’s eyes softened sadly as he gently took Sion’s outstretched hand. “Yeah, I’m here. We’re going to leave. Just hang on, ok?”

Sion nodded mutely as he allowed Nezumi to guide him away. Nezumi understood what was going on. He understood that they needed to escape the horrible alarm in the mall. They needed to escape the horrible alarm in the Correction Facility. The shoppers didn’t understand. Lauren didn’t understand but Nezumi did. He was there. He was always there.….

No that wasn’t quite right either, Nezumi left him after they escaped.

A new wave of fear crashed over Sion. “Nezumi.” Sion clung to his arm. “Don’t leave, please. I’m sorry. I won’t be useless anymore. I won’t push  problems onto you.” Nezumi filched his words.

“Don’t.” He looked away. “That’s not why….I won’t leave you again.”

“But if we escape…” Sion dug his fingers into Nezumi’s sleeve. “Once we’re safe….”

Nezumi turned towards him his eyes aflame. He grabbed both of Sion’s shoulders and looked into his face. “Once we’re safe we’re going home together. I’m here Sion. I came back. Don’t forget, I came back.”

“You mean it?” Sion stared into his eyes, his mind working sluggishly slow. He felt like a child, vulnerable, and afraid. “You’ll stay even if I’m a burden? Even though I killed someone?”

“What?” apparently the man and woman had followed them. “Nezumi what’s he talking about?” Nezumi glared over at the couple before putting a protective arm around Sion.

“I will explain later. You two go doing something. I’m taking Sion home.” His voice has a finality to it that was so familiar that Sion almost felt comforted. The woman opened her mouth to argue but Nezumi had already turned and dragged Sion down the hall. Sion stumbled as they melted into the crowd, the couple’s cries of protest mingling with the sound of screams and gunshots.

Sion managed to make it all the way outside to the parking lot before his legs gave out. He was too tired to move. He couldn’t do this anymore. He’d rather just disappear than have to struggle forward. In the distance, he could still hear the horrible fire alarm ringing from the nearby mall.  

“Nezumi I can’t do it. It’s just too much. I can’t keep fighting.” He bowed his head in shame. He didn’t want to see the look of disgust and disappointment on Nezumi’s face. He didn’t want to see the flash of anger in Nezumi’s eyes. He had failed him again by being weak, just like he had failed everyone else.

Nezumi bent down next to him and attempted to pull him up. He managed to half drag, half carry Sion to a secluded corner a few feet away. When they were out of sight from prying eyes, he curled his body around Sion and pressed him to his chest.

“Sion. What do you feel?”

“Your heart,” Sion mumbled.

“That’ right. I’m here. I’m not going to leave you. Relax and listen to me.  Ignore the world. Just listen to my voice.” Sion pressed into Nezumi’s chest as if it was a shelter from the onslaught of thoughts that invaded his mind. As he got comfortable Nezumi started singing; his voice silky smooth and pleasant to hear.

The summertime is coming,

And the trees are sweetly blooming,

Nezumi’s voice was soft and sweet. It filled Sion’s head and pushed away all other feelings. Soon the smells and taste of blood began to disappear followed by the feeling of horror and fear. Lastly, the sound of gunshots and that horrible alarm faded to a faint echo.  

And the wild mountain thyme

Grows around the blooming heather.

Sion closed his eyes as he took a shaky breath. He listened to Nezumi’s heart, beating rhythmically to the song. Nezumi was a song. He was the comfort that could soothe a dying soul. He was the comfort that could save Sion from his own mind.

Will you go,  will you go?

And we’ll all go together,

Sion didn’t know when he started breathing normally. He didn’t know when he had stopped clinging so tightly to Nezumi’s shirt. He didn’t know when the alarm had stopped wailing. All he knew was that he was with Nezumi. Everything would be alright.

To pull wild mountain thyme

All around the blooming heather,

Will you go?

Sion blinked as Nezumi finished his song. After all the sounds that clouded his mind, the silence was defining. It wasn’t unpleasant though. The silence meant safety. It was the kind of silence he heard when it was just him and Nezumi living in the West District.

“Are you alright?” Nezumi pulled away from Sion a little to look into his face. Sion shivered in the sudden cold. He hadn’t noticed it before when he was lost in his own memories, nor when he was curled into Nezumi’s chest.

“I’m fine.” Sion’s own voice sounded false and hoarse from all the crying. Nezumi peered at him and Sion turned away. He couldn’t look Nezumi in the eyes. Now that it was all over, he felt stupid. Of course, everything was alright. It was just a dumb alarm. He had overreacted.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Nezumi turned Sion’s head so they made eye contact. “What happened in that place was traumatizing. That sound brought back unpleasant memories. You acted like most people would act if they had to go through that hell.”

“But you were at the Correction Facility too! You heard the same sound as me, yet you’re fine and I’m just a mess!”

“That’s only because I’ve learned how to close myself off when I’m reliving the past. If I broke down every time it became too much I would have died as a child.” Nezumi let out a slow breath. It turned white in the frosty air. “Trust me, I felt like I was in the Correction Facility too….I was afraid….I was afraid I was going to lose you.” Nezumi’s voice filled with sorrow. “I brought you to hell and you broke. I should have known better. You weren’t ready.”

“No.” Sion shook his head feverishly. “I was the one who was weak-.”

“You weren’t weak.” Nezumi cut him off sharply. “You were strong. You were able to hold on to your humanity for so long in that place. That was truly amazing.”

“But I eventually broke. I shot a man. I blamed you.” Sion felt panic weld inside of him. Nezumi must have noticed because he gently lay a finger across his lips.

“Don’t, not now. We can talk about this later but now is not the time. You need to concentrate on the present, not dwell on the past.” Sion nodded and Nezumi dropped his hand.

“Can you teach me to close myself off from my own feelings?” Sion was trembling again. He couldn’t tell if it was from exhaustion or the cold. “I don’t want to react like that ever again.”

“No.” Nezumi shook his head fiercely. “You don’t want to do that. Trust me, suppression isn’t going to make it go away. It’ll just sit in your mind and you’ll obsess over it. You need to learn to accept and overcome it.”

“How do I do that?” Sion asked meekly. Nezumi hesitated.

“I don’t know.” His grew eyes grew heavy with sadness. “I never needed to do anything more than survive. I don’t know really know how to live with my own past.”

They were quiet for a few minutes. “What should we do?”

“We’ll figure it out together.” Nezumi gave Sion’s hand a reassuring squeeze. Sion attempted a weak smile. It must have been pretty bad because Nezumi laughed quietly.

“You look like someone just kicked you in the stomach.” Nezumi snorted. “If you can’t smile yet then don’t. With your current expression, someone’s going to think I’m mugging you.”

For the first time since the alarm, Sion laughed. It was a weak sound but at least it was genuine. Nezumi smiled reassuringly and let go of Sion’s hand as he started to get up. Sion’s mind went into a panic and he grabbed Nezumi’s arm.

“Don’t go!”

“I already told you I wasn’t going to.” Nezumi sounded sad and slightly annoyed. “Is that really so hard for you to believe?”

Sion looked away. “I never told you this, because I wanted to forget it myself but after you left life was really hard.  I suffered a lot from nightmares about everything that happened….I tried to distract myself by rebuilding No. 6 but once a new mayor was elected, I had nothing to do. I thought I was going mad. I would dwell on past events and couldn’t get it out of my mind. I couldn’t help blaming myself…I felt that it was my fault that you left….” It felt shameful to admit it out loud. Perhaps he was every bit as spoiled as Nezumi always said he was. Sion wouldn’t be surprised if Nezumi scoffed at him. He didn’t. Instead, Nezumi grabbed Sion’s arms tightly and said in a stern voice.

“No Sion. Listen to me. Do NOT blame yourself. It was….” he looked away. “My fault. I handled it badly back there. I thought I could outrun everything, even you.” He lowered his head slightly. “I know I act as if I have everything sorted out, but I don’t. I was afraid and shaken after what happened. I fell back on the only thing I knew to do. I distanced myself from the problem, cutting off all emotional connections. I distanced myself from you….I blamed myself for what happened to do you in there. I felt as if I had lost you or never really knew you. I was afraid.” Sion listened to his words carefully. He knew this was hard for Nezumi and he wouldn’t repeat it.

Emotions swelled in Sion’s chest. Now with all their feelings out in the open, it felt like a weight was lifted from Sion. The darkness that lurked in the back of his mind recited slightly and that lingering doubt grew smaller. It was nice to get some closure after all those years of worrying and stressing. He felt light and free, almost glitter.

“Nezumi.” He couldn’t put into words what he was feeling. He wished he had read more. Maybe then he could spout some epic poetry about the overwhelming feelings that were swelling inside of him. Nezumi was here to stay. Nezumi would continue being by his side. At that moment Sion wanted Nezumi more than ever. Passion replaced anxiety and Sion wanted to hold Nezumi close, to snuggle with him, to kiss him. The cold forgotten Sion leaned in.

“Can you kiss me?”

Nezumi stared at him. “How did you come to that conclusion.”

Sion blushed. “No…I just mean…never mind.” It was stupid. He didn’t even know why he brought it up. His emotions had gotten the better of him.

“You want another promise kiss?” Nezumi asked.

“No.” Sion tried to sort his thoughts. “I don’t want the kiss to have any meaning.”

“All kisses have meanings, Sion.”

“Well, I want this one to not mean anything. It’s not a promise. It’s not a way to make sure you’ll stay with me or that nothing bad will happen again. I want to kiss you because you’re you…”

Nezumi surveyed him for a moment before smiling cockily. “My oh, are you hitting on me?”

“No!” Sion blushed “I just-” the rest of his sentence was cut off by Nezumi’s lips. It pressed against his own, transferring all his love and caring into Sion. Sion sighed happily, closing his eyes. The taste of Nezumi overpowered any lingering memories of the taste of blood and stale air. The sound of Nezumi’s heartbeat replaced the lingering memories of screaming and gunshots. The sight of Nezumi so close erased the bodies and men with guns. The feeling of Nezumi pressed against him replaced the coldness and pain.  All too soon however Nezumi pulled away. Sion stared at him dazed.

“Nezumi what are we?” Since they were getting everything else out the way he might as well ask.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean are we dating? I know you don’t like labels…”

Nezumi frowned thoughtfully. “Sure.” He shrugged. “It doesn’t really change anything but if it helps you understand that I’m here to stay then let’s go with that.”

“So we’re boyfriends now?” Sion’s eyes lit up excitedly. Nezumi rolled his eyes and flicked Sion’s nose.

 “Yep, now enough heart to heart. Let’s get home. We can watch one of those stupid romance movies you like so much.

“They’re not stupid!” Sion gasped. “They are sweet! Who doesn’t like watching people fall in love? You read romance stories.”

“I read classics.” Nezumi corrected. Not vapid chick flicks.”

“Fine if that’s how you feel, then let’s watch something else,” Sion grumbled.

“No way.” Nezumi shook his head. “You need something that comforts you. These movies are as far as one can get from reality.

A grin started spreading on Sion’s face. “Ok but I get to choose the movie.”

“I’m regretting this already,” Nezumi said dryly helping Sion to the car.

“Oh come on, you might like it!”

“I also might like eating tacks.” Nezumi rolled his eyes again. “Now buckle your seatbelt. The temperature is dropping fast and it’s cold.”

“Maybe it’ll snow.” Even as Sion said this a few snowflakes drifted down from the sky. He smiled as Nezumi closed the door and got into the driver seat. It was going to take a while but eventually, these memories would fade. Perhaps then, he would stop dreaming of Nezumi leaving him. As they pulled out of the mall parking lot, the snow picked up and drifted lazily down upon their warm car, silently and peacefully.

#no6secretsanta #no6 #no.6 #no. 6 #no 6 #nezushi #fanfiction #signpainter1 #hi im secretly satan #hi-im-secretly-satan #submission

[lovemesomesurveys]

How do you feel about full length beards? I’m not into a lot of facial hair. I like some scruff, but that’s it. Have you ever been to a circus? Yeah, once. I was naive and didn’t know about the abuse that went on at the time. Do you know anyone who’s gone to a Fat Camp? No. Do you use Facebook IM everyday? No. I don’t even remember the last time I used it. How many surveys have you done already today? This is my first.

What’s the WORST show on Adult Swim? I don’t care for the Adult Swim shows. Family Guy and American Dad is okay, but after that it gets too stupid and weird for me. Sorry. Like once I saw this show, Mr. Pickles, and uh... wtf. The episode I saw was very disturbing. I don’t get the appeal of Rick and Morty at all. And why the hell is Mike Tyson Mysteries a thing? That’s just to name a few. I see previews of other shows and I just... wow. Do you have any relatives that have shunned you, or vice versa? No. Has anyone ever posted a HORRIBLE picture of you for everyone to see? Not maliciously or because they thought it was horrible and wanted to embarrass me, but yeah. My mom has posted photos where she didn’t see anything wrong and she thinks I looked fine, but I was like EW NO take that down it’s hideous. I reallyyyy don’t like photos of me taken by someone else. I have to take my own photos if I’m going to take one at all because I know the angles and lighting and can add a filter. Plus, I can take a ton before finally settling on one. If someone else takes the photo and they want to post it, I have to approve. Which grade in school was the most fun for you? I enjoyed elementary and middle school. High school had its ups and downs, but there were parts I liked. I liked the last 2 years the best. Which would you rather have, a new puppy or kitten? I wouldn’t want another pet right now to be honest. We have our doggo and one suits our family best right now. Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? No, thankfully. I have other issues I struggle with, but not drama. Do you ever just want to go away to a new place where no one knows you? I don’t live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I was never Miss Popularity, so apart from family and a few other people, not a lot of people know me. However, I do want move away to a new place. My family and I have wanted to for a long time, we just haven’t been able to. A change of environment and scenery would be really nice. You’re ordering a pizza, you can have any kind of toppings, what are they? I’m a simple gal, I just like white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, and crumbled meatballs with pesto drizzled on top. Do you hit ‘quiet’ or ‘ignore’ on your cell? Which one usually? Nah. If my phone rings and I don’t want to answer it, I just let it ring. Do you ever regret giving your number to people? I have before with some people. Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? Haha yeah. Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? Nope. Does/did your high school have pop machines? No. They decided to remove them the year I entered high school, which I was mad about. Do you use a public computer, or do you have your own? I have my own laptop. Do you ever find it odd how you type LOL when you’re not really laughing? >> No, because I understand that its function has moved far beyond representing actual laughing-out-loud. <<< Yeah. I remember discussing that in a class once. Have you ever gambled? A couple times. Not my thing. Although, what really made my experience unenjoyable wasn’t so much the gambling, it was that the casinos I’ve been to allow smoking and I don’t do well with cigarette smoke. At all. It gives me a killer headache, makes my heart rate go up, and makes me feel dizzy and sick. It’s awful. The smell in the casinos was too overbearing for me, so I spent very little time inside. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I really don’t want to work retail. And that’s not shade toward retail workers AT ALL. I salute you, honestly. You deal with a lot of shit. What’s the shortest you would ever cut your hair? I had a “bob” for a few years. Do you listen to any deathcore? No. Do you subscribe to any teen magazines? Which ones? No. I’m also 30 years old. Do you know someone who never smiles? Never? No. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable at work? I’ve never had a job. Do you still watch South Park? I never did. I mean, I’ve seen bits here and there before because my brother used to watch it, but I was never into it myself. Tell me one movie you’ve seen recently that sucked: My mom, brother, and I recently watched this movie on Netflix called, The Platform. It had potential and was interesting at first, but the ending was just... no. It seemed abrupt and I was just really confused. Have you ever carved something into a dinner booth somewhere? No. When’s the last time you were carded at a bar? When I last went to the bar, which was almost 10 years ago. Do you smoke little cigars? Have you ever tried them? Nooo. You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? Pfft, no I’m not babysitting. What’s the last thing you returned at a store? I very rarely return things so I have no idea. It’s been a long time. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? I don’t even recall the last time I petted a cat. Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? I haven’t in a long time. If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? I already do, I dye it red. Who’s got your heart? Me. What’s your television addiction? I have several shows that I’m into. Have you ever stringed green beans before? No. What do you do to make yourself more relaxed when you’re nervous? It’s hard to calm myself when I’m anxious, but I try to distract by talking to someone, listening to ASMR, watching TV or something on YouTube, or reading.  Do you cook? If so, what’s the last thing you made? The only thing I cook is ramen. Oh wait actually I made a grilled cheese sandwich the other day. ha.  Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? Yeah, a few things. How do you usually spend your Saturdays? I spend all my days and nights the same, really. Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? Last year I briefly got into making beaded bracelets. I made a few. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored? I do the same things everyday whether I’m bored or not: spend time on my social medias, watch YouTube, read, watch TV, scroll through Tumblr, do surveys, just lie there.... ha. Somedays just feel like they’re dragging and going by extra slow and the things I listed above that I like doing just don’t cut it so I just lie there mindlessly watching TV or go to sleep. Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? No. Do you like the smell of new school supplies? As a kid I did. Like getting a new box of crayons. Do you give everything you do 100%? No. I certainly haven’t with life... Do you shop at any independent music stores? No. I don’t shop at any music stores. How do you feel about mainstream music? I like a lot of it.

What song lyrics describe your mood at the moment? *shrug* Do you have healthy eating habits? No. My eating habits are messed up. I have issues with appetite and other issues.

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? A dog. Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about? I do the knock on wood thing, but it’s just out of habit, really. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be? There’s so many places I’d like to visit. What food disgusts you the most? I don’t do seafood at all. What is your favorite thing to cook? Ramen. One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? I wouldn’t want to get lost anywhere in the dark. :O Are you claustrophobic? Yes. What is your worst flaw? Oh where to start. One thing that always creeps you out? ALL bugs. What is your biggest fear? Losing loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life and just wasting away... If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I don’t believe in reincarnation. Ideal way you’d like to die? Obviously painlessly, but jeez. If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick? I like living with my family. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Uh, a lot of things. Your favorite kind of dog? I love doggos, but I definitely have a special thing for Labs and German Shepherds. Do you have any scars? If so, how many? I have a lot of scars. I’m not going to count them. What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark? I don’t watch them in the dark. Unless I’m at the theater, obviously. I love scary movies, though. Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die? Cremated. What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic? Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks. That’s also coffee, but you know what I mean. I don’t have a favorite alcoholic drink, I don’t drink. What is your favorite food around the holidays? I love either ham or turkey depending on the holiday and mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, and rolls. Easiest way to scare you? I’m such a jumpy, easily scarable (it’s a word, shh) person so you could really just say hi and I’ll jump. haha. Like my back faces my bedroom door and if I don’t hear anyone coming in or they just poke their head in to say something I’ll jump. lmao. Tell me one of your biggest secrets? Nah. What was your last nightmare about? It’s been awhile since I’ve had one, thankfully.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[watchmegetobsessed]

Crush // Shawn Mendes mini-series part 4

okaaay so this is the final part of this mini-series, i hope you enjoyed it! hopefully i’ll come with the next part of boundaries very soon, im working on it, promise! take care xx

part 1 - part 2 - part 3

masterlist

I keep my word. I try my best to forget about all my worries and just… chill. I spend some quality time with my family in the remaining time of the year. I mostly just help Mom with everything around the house, I go grocery shopping with Dad on the evenings and I go ice-skating with Eric once. My nerves calm down, I don’t think too much about Shawn. We keep in touch in text though, I ask him if Maddi can come along and he assures I can bring anyone I would like.

Maddi returns on the 30th and I go back to the apartment that day too. I say goodbye to everyone at home and promise to visit sometime in January as well. Maddi is already there when I arrive, her suitcase is wide open in the middle of the living room.

“Hey!” she greets me with a wide smile when she walks out of her room. We exchange a quick hug before I bring everything into my room and just leave the bags on the floor. “So, are you excited?”

“Um, a bit, but it’s fine,” I shrug.

“Cool, I’m happy you are not stressing about spending New Year’s Eve with your future boyfriend.”

I roll my eyes at her, but she just giggles to herself poking my side gently. “Okay, I promise I won’t nag you about it, let’s just have a great time tomorrow.”

“That’s a plan,” I nod agreeing.

 We sleep until noon the next day knowing we wouldn’t be getting any sleep on the last night of the year. Getting ready with Maddi is like one big party. She has a playlist she always puts on, it’s full of jumpy, dynamic songs that are perfect to get you in the mood. She does my makeup using her magic skills and I end up with the most dramatic and perfect cat-eye I’ve ever seen. While she does her own I curl some light waves into my hair leaving it less bold, I definitely don’t want to look ridiculous with a too flashy look.

It’s past five when we get to the outfit part and by the time we are ready it’s surely time to leave. Shawn sent me the address earlier and it’s almost as far from our place as my home. So dressed in our partly fancy, partly cozy outfits we pile up into my car and leave.

I’m driving and Maddi is in charge of the music from my phone, so when I get a text she sees it before me.

“Oh, Popstar just texted!” She sings happily and I glance to her for a moment. “Can I open it?”

“Yeah, read it to me would you?”

“Okay, it says… Hey, just wanted to make sure you are still coming. You can park in the garage, can’t wait to see you. Ah, he is such a cutie!” She grunts in excitement but I just chuckle.

“Charlie, why are you so sceptic about him?” Twisting her body she looks at me questioning. I’m glad I have to focus on the road so I don’t have to look her in the eyes.

“I’m not sceptic,” I object, but I wouldn’t be able to say what I’m really doing.

“You are sabotaging yourself and I’m not a fan of it,” she continues. “I know Dylan screwed you over, but it has been years. Now this handsome, nice, successful Adonis is basically running after you, but I feel like you are ready to shut the door on him. Promise me you’ll be open tonight. Just go with the flow, let him charm you and let yourself fall for him a bit.”

I keep my mouth shut as a painful feeling wraps around my body, pulling me into my deep anxiety.

“But if I let myself fall for him a bit, I will fall hard. And I won’t be able to recover.”

“Recover from what? Charlie, if this guy screws you over I’m gonna do your laundry until one of us moves. I’m a hundred percent sure he is pure and perfect and I haven’t even met him!”

I don’t say anything, just keep my eyes on the road, escaping Maddi’s examining gaze.

“Charlie?” she calls out.

“What?” I snap letting out a tired sigh.

“Promise me! Please!”

“Okay, I promise. I promise that I will let him charm me,” I say grudgingly earning a round of applause from her.

Not that he hasn’t already charmed me, I think to myself, but decide to keep this small little detail to myself.

  Shawn’s place is… amazing, but I don’t know what I was expecting, he has the money to have a home like in a catalogue. It’s modern, has a lot of rooms, a huge kitchen and his TV could fit our TV in it like ten times. And the view is the most amazing thing about the whole place. I can clearly see the CN Tower through the window and there is a nice and comfy sitting area right at the window. I imagine him sitting there in the night, watching the lights of Toronto and playing the guitar.

I don’t actually meet Shawn in the first twenty minutes, but I do see some people from my high school and it’s making me feel weird at first. My high school years weren’t the best and because of Dylan I was quite a controversial person. Half of the people hated me for dating him and then the other half tried to be friends with me so they could get to Dylan, but since Dylan was such an asshole I never really made friends with anyone. Now they are weirdly staring at me from the distance, only a few of them actually dare to come up to me.

Maddi is having a blast, but I’m not even surprised. She has always been great at making friends, her nature is just simply so easy-going and open, she can charm anyone in a minute. We are chatting with a guy who graduated a year before me, I think his name is Chris, when I go to get a drink and actually look for Shawn. I make my way into the spacious kitchen that is filled with people, I look around but I don’t see him anywhere. I lean against the counter and pulling my phone out of my pocket I start typing a message to him, but I don’t get to finish it.

“Well, hello there, Charlie!”

Glancing up I find a smiley Shawn right in front of me, a Corona in his hand, his eyes beaming at me. I quickly forget about the message and curl my arms around his neck pulling him into a hug.

“Hey! I thought you are not even here!” I giggle sliding my phone into my back pocket and turning all my attention to him. He is looking amazing, as always wearing a khaki long sleeved shirt with black skinny jeans, his curls are messily framing his face and for a moment I feel like I need to run my fingers through them, but I control myself.

“Sorry, I’ve been all around the place.”

“It’s fine, you are the host,” I smile at him.

To his suggestion we take a shot as a welcome drink and then he hands me a beer just to start my evening properly. We stay in the corner of the kitchen talking, but mainly it’s just me listening to him and getting lost in his features.

I completely forget about Maddi and the drink I promised to get her and only remember it when she shows up in the kitchen. Her face is a bit upset at first but the moment she lays her eyes on the tall guy next to me she forgets about that drink completely.

“Hey there!” she chirps smiling, eyeing Shawn from head to toe.

“Um, Shawn this is my roomie, Maddi. Maddi this is-“

“Shawn Mendes,” she chimes in holding out a hand for him that he takes grinning.

“Nice to meet you, Maddi. I hope you are having a good time,” Shawn says handing her a beer as well which she takes gladly.

“It’s nice, you got an amazing place gotta admit.”

“Thank you. Though I’m not here that much.”

“I can housesit for you sometime. Anyway, I heard a lot about you lately.” Her eyes turn to me and I immediately feel myself blushing. She is not gonna bust my crush on him, right?

“Really?” Shawn’s eyebrows raise and he glances at me playfully.

“You know, I told her about our stressing reuniting,” I chuckle nervously and think about having another shot to make my anxiety go away. I’m truly fearing that Maddi will say something awkward in front of him and I really don’t want that.

“It was… surprising, yeah,” he chuckles nodding his head, causing a curl of hair to fall to his forehead. My eyes follow the shape of it until he combs it back with his fingers and catches me staring. I quickly turn away feeling my cheeks turn even redder than before, but luckily he doesn’t mention it.

“Mhm, and I heard about other stuff too,” she adds with a knowing look and God, I just want her to stop talking even though I love her to death. Shawn’s eyes shift between us as I dart her a deathly stare and she finally gives in. “Alright, I’ll look for that cute guy I’ve been eyeing, you two have fun. Charlie, text me if you need me,” she shrugs already turning away to search the place for the guy.

Shawn mumbles a bye to her before she disappears and we are alone, well, as much as you can be alone in a crowded apartment.

We stay in the kitchen, but privacy is not really a thing when you are hosting a party. People keep coming up to Shawn and being the sweet person that he is he doesn’t turn anyone down, but because of this I feel like I’m keeping him up. After all, I’m also just a guest and I shouldn’t own him from all his friends.

When he is talking to this guy he used to work with I decide it’s better if I look for Maddi and let him do his business for a while, hoping to get back to him around midnight, which is only an hour away. I grab my drink, a vodka soda he made for me and with an excusing smile I’m about to leave the conversation I wasn’t even part of, but his hand finds my wrist and he pulls me back. The force of the pull smacks me against his body a bit, giving him the chance to put his arm around my waist and giving it a gentle squeeze and honest to God, this is the smoothest move I’ve ever seen.

I’m blushing like a school girl, standing close to him with his arm around my waist and my smile is so wide I probably look like a fool. He keeps me by his side until the guy leaves and his hand doesn’t move even after that. Not like I would want it to, or like I would want to leave him, I’m feeling better than ever with him and at first I thought it’s just the alcohol, but I’m barely just tipsy, it’s all him.

Not much before midnight I excuse myself to the bathroom. We are sitting on his couch and he unwillingly but takes his hand off my waist so I can stand up, but before I could slip out of his hold he grabs my wrist and holds me back.

“You’re coming back, right? We only have twenty minutes until midnight.” His eyes are fixed on my face and I smile at him kindly as I place my free hand on his on my wrist and give it a squeeze.

“I’m coming back,” I tell him and he finally lets go of me.

There are two people waiting for the bathroom so I stand in line patiently. I keep checking the time making sure I don’t run out of it. I’m excited for midnight and I can’t even lie, I’m hoping Shawn feels the same. From the last few hours I’m guessing he is, but first I have to make sure to be there when the clock hits midnight.

When I finally finish my business I only have five minutes left. I make my way back to the living area looking for Shawn. Soon I spot him on the couch, almost where I left him and a smile spreads across my lips, but as I’m approaching it soon fades away when I see that he is not alone, and I know exactly who is sitting next to him, laughing along with him on something.

Lauren seems comfortable next to him, her long legs are crossed and her whole body is tilting in his direction. I remember what Shawn told me about their relationship, that he only dated her just to distract him, but seeing them so close and smiley is more painful that I would have expected it.

Suddenly I feel like I don’t belong here. Looking around I see all these people I used to see every day but I don’t even know them, and maybe I don’t know Shawn at all either.

The guests start buzzing as everyone realizes how close midnight is. The excitement is rising and everyone is finding the person they want to celebrate with while I push my way through them and with a glass of champagne someone hands me I exit to the balcony seeking some privacy.

As the glass door shuts behind me the chattering and music fades and the cold Toronto air hugs me around. The lights are still breath-taking, I step to the railing and stare at the CN Tower in the distance. I wrap my arms around my body trying to keep my heat, but it’s useless, though I don’t want to go inside just yet. Maybe I’ll just freeze to death here until Maddi finds me and we go home. Standing there I contemplate on everything that has happened to me in the past years. Seeing Shawn with Lauren really hit me hard, I guess I should have just listened to my brain. Maybe I’m upset because I feel like he lied to me when he said his relationship with Lauren was nothing. Maybe he said the truth but he has been rekindling it lately and it is something to him now. I never really knew Shawn and there is a chance I read the signs incorrectly, maybe he has been just extremely friendly all along. After all, he himself said that he is over his crush on me, I shouldn’t have let Maddi make me believe there could be something between us.

I can hear as the people start the countdown inside and I bring my glass to my mouth, getting ready to start the new year with the champagne, totally alone.

“Four!... Three!... Two!... One! Happy New Year!” Everyone chants inside as screaming and laughter follows the wishes.

I take a sip from my drink and just when I’m about to turn around and go back to escape the cold I hear he door opening and closing, then a familiar voice speaks up.

“You said you’d come back.”

When I turn around Shawn is standing there, his hands are in his pocket and he doesn’t seem too happy. I’m lacking the right words, I’m not sure why he is standing here, he should be making out with Lauren on the couch.

“I um… I just wanted some fresh air,” I say not really sure about what should be said. He walks closer and stops two steps away from me. He is so tall, but his features still amaze me even in the dim lighting. His silhouette is shining as the light is coming from behind.

“At midnight? Who wants to be alone at midnight?” he shakes his head with a confused chuckle. I just shrug my shoulder. No one wants to be alone at midnight, and that includes me as well.

“Charlie I-“ he starts but then just ends it with a sigh as his eyes roam around the city skyline before they return to me.  “I was hoping to celebrate the New Year with you,” he then says.

“Me? Why not Lauren?” I ask before I could think twice. He furrows his eyebrows.

“Lauren? What are yo- Charlie, you saw me with her and came out here to be alone at midnight?”

“No?” I say severely ashamed of this fact. It sounds dumb now that I heard it from him.

“She just came up to me while you were alone, but left before midnight to be with her boyfriend. Because she has one and she wants nothing from me, we’ve been friends since we broke up.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Shawn.”

“Yes I do. Because…” He pulls his hands out of his pockets and reaches for my free hand and takes it between his warm palms. I look down at our hands and up at his face as he takes a step closer to me. “Because I don’t want you to think I’m into anyone. Look, I’m terrible with talking about my feelings, I only write songs about them, but I can’t just start singing all the time,” he chuckles and it makes me smile too. My heart is pounding against my ribcage as I’m waiting for him to continue. “Remember when I told you I was over my crush on you?” he asks.

“Yes,” I nod shortly.

“I lied,” he straight up says making my suck my breath in. “Charlie, I still have the biggest crush on you. When you walking into our house at Christmas I knew I was screwed because I felt just the same as in high school even though I really thought I was over it. And then it just got worse because we started hanging out and you are such a sweet soul and so kind. By the end of our little nostalgia walk I was… head over heels in love with you again, or maybe I’ve always been, I don’t know. But what I know is that I really wanted to be with you midnight because I’ve been building up my courage to kiss you and you just ruined my whole plan,” he chuckles nervously and I can’t help but laugh with him. He really did just turn everything around in a few minutes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your plan,” I finally tell him earning a boyish smile that looks so good on him, I could just kiss him right away, but I give him the opportunity to take that first step himself.

“It’s alright. But I guess you owe me something now.” “Oh really?” I giggle biting into my bottom lip and he moans painfully.

“Oh my God, Charlie, stop biting your lip! It’s making me crazy, for real.”

“Sorry!” I laugh but when his large hands slide to my jaw and tilt my head upwards I immediately stop. He leans in, but stops right before our lips could meet.

He doesn’t say anything, just examines my face and I’m just about to ask him what’s wrong when he finally kisses me. I melt into his hands, his lips fit mine perfectly as they are moving against them slowly. I bring both of my hands to his wrists, wrapping my free one around his and because I’m still holding the champagne in my hands I can only brush my knuckles to his skin with my other hand. He is taking it slow, lazily nibbling on my bottom lip, taking his time savoring me and I’m perfectly fine with it. Moments pass by and we part when I jump from someone screaming inside. His face is still just a few inches away from me, his warm palms are on my cheeks.

“Why did you stop before it?” I question curiously.

“Because I let my high school self admire the moment he has been longing after since day one.”

His words melt me and instead of saying anything I just pull his head down and kiss him again. And again, and again…

  My fingers are drumming against the wheel as I’m rolling in the traffic, singing along the song blasting through my car’s speakers.

“Be my summer in a winter day love…”

The sun is beaming which is odd in the middle of February in Toronto, but I’m not complaining. The warm rays are caressing my skin and the smile on my face is wider than ever. As I reach my old neighborhood I let out a satisfied sigh. I park down on our driveway and grabbing my bag from the car I head to the front door.

“Hello! I’m home!” I sing loudly when I walk into the house. I spot dad on the couch, probably watching a documentary. He smiles at me widely as he walks over and hugs me.

“Hey Chipmunk, how are you?” he asks walking back to the couch.

“Everything is fine,” I smile. I head to the kitchen and find Mom at the stove and I can smell the chili from the doorway.

“Hey! Are you hungry? It’s almost done,” she says caressing my face when I stop next to her.

“Yeah, thank you.”

“Charlie!” Erik barks when he walks into the kitchen through the backdoor. We exchange a highfive and he immediately tries to sneak a spoonful of the chili, but Mom quickly smacks his hand away from the pot. “When do you want to leave?”

“Leave?” Mom asks lifting his head. “She just got here!”

“Not leave leave, we are going over to the Mendes house,” I explain and Mom’s smile immediately grows wide.

“Is Shawn back in town? Why don’t you invite him over for dinner?”

“Because we have dinner plans,” I chuckle at her enthusiasm. Her disappointment amuses me, she is really fond of the whole Mendes family.

First Aaliyah made my brother fall in love and become a more decent person we’ve ever thought he would turn out to be. Then dinner at their house at Christmas was nice, she found so much in common with Karen, Eric told me they met up twice since then. And the latest news of me and Shawn getting together threw her over the edge. When I told her a few weeks ago I thought she would start crying over the phone.

“I told you! I told you he would be great for you!” she told me with joy-filled voice and I just rolled my eyes, but I knew she was right.

Things has been going better than ever. New Year’s Eve changed everything, I went to Shawn’s place single but left taken by none other than one of the most famous singers in the world. To be honest I had my doubts and fears, but it turns out Shawn and I can make things work easier than I thought. We had our first official date two days after the party and had several since then, but we agreed on taking it slow. Meeting again was quite sudden and we have a lot to adjust in this new situation. He left Toronto two weeks ago and I haven’t seen him since then meaning we spent Valentine’s Day apart and this is why we are holding our own V-Day now. It’s an understatement to say that I’m excited to see him again, but spending time apart was actually kind of useful, because I started to get used to the fact that we can never be like other couples, his work will take him away a lot and until I finish school I can’t always go with him.

“Okay, but we have to have dinner together sometime, like an official thing,” Mom says bringing me back from my thoughts that are already a few streets away.

“It’s not like you haven’t met him,” I point it out but she shoots me a look.

“Yes, but you weren’t dating him then. I haven’t seen him since Christmas and I would love to have him over for dinner.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to him about it,” I sigh giving in knowing she won’t stop nagging me about it.

Eric and I leave soon to meet our spouses at the Mendes residency. I have never thought I would ever be going to my boyfriend’s house with my brother, or date my brother’s girlfriend’s brother. Or that I would date a famous person. Of course, Shawn is not like a celebrity for me, he is an old friend, someone I’ve known in the past, someone who I’m happy I met again.

“So… How are things with Shawn?” Eric asks breaking the silence between us as we are walking down the empty streets of our neighborhood.

“Um, good! I have to get used to a lot of things, but it’s going great.”

“Charlie, I have to tell you something,” he then sighs nervously making me look at him suspiciously.

“What?” In the blink of an eye millions of theories run through my mind about what he could be hiding, neither of them seems too great so my anxiety is slowly creeping its way up on my spine.

“You remember when I said I didn’t think you’d care about the whole Shawn is Aaliyah’s brother thing?”

“Yeah?!”

“Well, that wasn’t true.”

“Eric, what did you do?” I gasp completely blown.

“It’s not that big of a thing! But… Aaliyah might have known about his crush on you and she might have told me about it. The dinner was about to happen at another time but we convinced everyone it’s better if you and Shawn are there too, this is why it was held at Christmas, because that was the only date when both of you were home.”

“Eric! I asked you specifically about this and you acted like you knew nothing!” I gasp in total disbelief how my little brother and his girlfriend just played me.

“Don’t be mad, it all turned out well!” He laughs nervously and I guess he is right. If it wasn’t for their little plan I wouldn’t be with Shawn right now. I might have never knew how he felt in the first place.

“I’m not mad, but next time let me know when you want to set me up.” I narrow my eyes at him and he holds his hands up nodding.

“Promise!”

Arriving to the Mendes house Aaliyah welcomes us and invites in. Looking around I don’t see Manny or Karen anywhere which is odd. I thought they would enjoy an evening to themselves now that we are all going out tonight.

“They are not home,” Aaliyah tells me smiling as she is putting her coat on. “You should take your jacket off by the way,” she suggests and I look at her confused.

“Why? We are going out too.”

“No, we aren’t,” I hear Shawn’s voice coming from upstairs and a moment later he appears in a dress shirt tugged into his deep blue pants. He looks hot as always, and the smirk on his face is just irresistible.

For a moment I don’t even process what he just said, I’m more focused on him and seeing him again. When he reaches the last step he immediately wraps his arms around my waist pulling me close to him and kissing me. I cup his face in my palms as I kiss him back and savor his sweet lips. It takes a few moments for the pink cloud do disappear and then my brain finally starts functioning again.

“So what’s with us staying here?” I ask still a little dizzy from his lips. He smirks down at me pecking my nose before letting go of me.

“Come on, I’ll show you,” he smiles at me.

Aaliyah and Eric leaves and once Shawn closes the door behind them he takes my hand and walks me into the dining room where the table is beautifully set for two people, candles are lit in the middle and there are even rose petals all around the table. It’s straight out of a romantic movie and needless to say, no one has ever did such a thing for me. I turn to him in disbelief as his arms snake around my waist.

“I also cooked, it’s not the best, but I tried. Aaliyah helped a little,” he admits and I see his cheeks turn rosy.

“I’m sure it’s amazing,” I say caressing his cheeks.

As I look in his eyes for a moment I go totally speechless. I think about how different things would have turned out if I wasn’t that obsessed with Dylan, noticed Shawn from the beginning. He would have been my first boyfriend, my whole high school experience would have turned out better.

But right now all these doesn’t really matter. Because I look at him and I’m just happy we happened to meet again.

“Eric told me something interesting today,” I say. He hums and kisses my forehead softly. “Did you know him and Aaliyah worked together to get us meet again?”

He freezes mid movement and looks at me with furrowed eyebrows.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, apparently Aaliyah knew about your crush and they twisted everything to make Christmas happen with both of us present.”

“What? You gotta be kidding me!” he gasps with wide eyes. “How did she know about it?”

“I don’t know, but our siblings are master minds,” I chuckle and he nods laughing.

“Well, I gotta thank her though. If Christmas didn’t happen I would still be just longing after you and occasionally think about high school.”

“You were still thinking about high school because of me?” I ask raising my eyebrows at him.

“Honestly, yes. Not that much, but I still kept thinking about you. And now… I get to kiss you.” He leans closer and pecks my lips softly. “Whenever,” another kiss, “I want,” another one, “because you are my girlfriend.”

“Mhm, I am,” I grin at him in awe. “So, does this make me a celeb too?” I ask playfully, making his chuckle.

“Well, we haven’t made it official. Wanna do it now?”

“You mean you want to post a sloppy couple picture?”

“Exactly,” he nods.

“Well, I guess we have to take this step sooner or later.”

He pulls his phone out and I try to fix my hair to look presentable. Suddenly I think about the millions of people that will see this photo and I feel very insecure about my look. I keep running my fingers through my hair.

He wraps his hand around my wrist and stops me. I look at him and see a warm smile on him.

“Stop, you look amazing.”

“Uhuh, you have to say this, you are my boyfriend,” I arch an eyebrow at him, but he just rolls his eyes. “Maybe we shouldn’t take this photo, or just not post it, I don’t kno-“

His lips crash to mine stopping me from talking and honestly, this is the best tactic. I get lost in his lips, kissing him feels like paradise and I just never want to stop doing it. Though when I lean back I see that he has his phone held up.

“Shawn! Did you just sneakily took a picture?” I ask turning to the screen just to see a photo of us, very much lost in each other. I have to say it’s a good photo, my favorite of us so far. His defined jawline amazes me and I just want to turn back to him and kiss it.

“Mhmm,” he hums as he opens the photo in Instagram.

I watch him write the caption “from high school crush to girlfriend” and then tag me on the photo, but he doesn’t post it just yet. Instead he turns to me.

“I’m not posting it if you don’t want me to. I’m excited to share with the world how happy I am with you, but if you are not ready just tell me.”

I smile at him caressing his cheeks with my hands.

“Post it. I only care about your happiness.”

He smiles down at me stealing a short kiss before finally posting the picture. A wave of anxiety washes over me but then I calm down pretty quickly. I see the comments and likes flow in and for my biggest surprise it’s mostly positive. People are freaking out, but they also seem very happy to see us together. A lot of them are confused about who I am, but I’m sure they’ll do their fangirl magic and find everything out very soon.

“Well, I guess you are officially linked to me. Can’t run now,” Shawn jokes and I turn to him hugging his neck with my arms.

“I’m not a fan of running, so you are stuck with me,” I smirk at him before kissing his sweet lips. We soon forget about the chaos our photo just caused and just get lost in each other, happier than ever.

#shawn #mendes #shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fanfics #shawn mendes fanfictions #crush #crush mini series #mendes army

[being-of-rain]

i have, um. seen you post a LOT of Wicked content. and i am STILL in the dark as to what it is; what is it? all i know is that its a musical and apparently extremely gay, which is good 😆

Im so sorry, turns out I am too tired to find a way to answer this in any concise or coherent way, so here's some unedited ramblings that you can hopefully find some meaning in!

Wicked is a musical based on a book, and it is a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. The main character is called Elphaba, who eventually becomes the Wicked Witch of the West (who's the villain in Wizard of Oz. You probably know that cause it's like a famous movie but I didnt want to assume djkdhsgdh).

Super Quick Plot Synopsis: Elphaba goes to uni, and people dont like her because she's got green skin and is also a nerd I guess. She learns some magic and is good at it and The Wizard (the titular Wizard of Oz who is like in charge of the country for some reason) offers her a job. And thats all she's ever wanted, but then she finds out The Wizard is sketchy af on things like 'morals' and 'locking innocent people up' and stuff. So she turns against him, but he demonises her in the press and now everyone thinks she's a wicked witch. And eventually this leads to the events of The Wizard of Oz where a girl Dorothy like accidentally assassinates her (except in the musical she only pretends to die and lives happily ever after or something.)

I think Wicked popularised the idea of retelling classic tales from the villain's point of view? I can only think of the film Maleficent and the parody play Twisted as examples of that, but Im sure there's more.

Anyway, I left lots of stuff out of that synopsis, mostly characters Elphaba interacts with. And the character she has the closest relationship with is Glinda, who is the 'Good' witch in The Wizard of Oz. And like. It's not explicitly gay, in fact they spend a lot of the plot in a love triangle with some guy. But trust me, it's real easy to headcanon them as gay and in love. I swear they go through so many fanfic tropes together. Glinda and Elphaba are in the same year at uni, they hate each other immediately because the former is a popular prep and the latter is a loner nerd, but they gotta suck it up because they're roommates (*vine voice* oh my god they were roommates). Eventually, after some shenanigans, they become best friends. And then it gets all tragic and awkward because when Elphaba says "f#€k the government", Glinda gets a public government job as The Good Witch and needs to denounce Elphaba. And they have a fight or confrontation or something, but at the end of the musical they admit once again that they actually dont hate each other, and all but admit their undying love for each other.

OKAY ANYWAY, the kinda odd thing about Wicked (for me) is that I dont super care about the plot (I mean,, I can't even remember it that well. And the book apparently isn't real good so I don't care about it either) but despite that, Wicked still has a special place in my heart, probably just because I've listened to its songs so many goddamn times. (When I was in middle school I pretty much Only listened to musical soundtracks. I think I was kinda weird. But yknow, who wasn't.)

And Glinda/Elphaba means a lot to me too, again probably because Ive listened to their duets so many times. Plus there's so much (probably accidental) queer coding. It's super easy to headcanon Elphaba as trans too. (Her first solo song is her daydreaming about her perfect life working alongside the wizard and no one judging her by the body she was born with. It literally includes the lyrics

"and one day he'll say to me 'Elphaba, / Girl who is so superior, / shouldn't a girl who's so good inside / have a matching exterior?'"

Like, what a trans mood.)

So Basically, Wicked and its songs, and Glinda/Elphaba, are all like comfort food for me at this point.

#idk why i always write so much #i just always got a lot to say I guess??? #wicked #ask #my posts

[weirdlizard26]

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

 96. desktop background?

 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

 98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

[shushvera]

*toy story shark vc* howdy howdy howdy ! i would like to make it known i’ve been unabashedly eyeing this since it opened ! anyway ! i’ve lost my ooc intro groove so we gonna move down to my ic intro down below:

oh hi there, welcome to holiday, VERA FLOROS. you’ve been here for TWO MONTHS? awesome! you look just like MARINA DIAMANDIS, it’s crazy. oh, so you’re a 30 year old ‘FORTUNE TELLER’/’MUSICIAN’. and you’re FEMALE and use SHE/HER? okay, just checking! oh, people say you’re INTUITIVE & DILIGENT but DECEITFUL & RASH? well, i’m sure that you can prove yourself here. you’re looking forward to the HALLOWEEN celebration? that’s a good one, you’ll love it. i have to get going now, bye! [fleur, 19, est, she/her]

i would like to start by saying i’ve played vera once (1 time) before and it was,, so much fun,, the dumbest smart person to exist. i’ve tweaked her bg a little (because..... that’s what happens when you read lucille ball’s autobiography that was SUMN.....), but ! who cares !

update: this got rly long so there’s a tl;dr at the bottom if that better floats your boat !

INTRO-WORTHY STATS

aka, stats that aren’t that deep™

FULL NAME: Vera Floros DOB: August 17th, 1989 AGE: thirty FROM: Abergavenny, Wales OCCUPATION: “fortune teller” & a musician who doesn’t understand marketing ORIENTATION: bisexual CLASS: middle class ( that inheritance kicked in ! )

BACKGROUND: 

CHILDHOOD

triggers: parental death, brief mentions of child abuse

alright, vera was born to a very young couple in wales. they’d gotten married fresh out of high school and had a child (her) just two years later. that being said, for about two years after, her mother began distancing herself from the father... not because he was a bad guy, but he moved cities entirely and she was NOT about that.

to be perfectly redundant, for about two years, it was just vera and her mother. 

grandparents weren’t about their daughter being married. at 18. did they help pay rent for a separate living space? until vera’s mom was 21, yes. but was she welcomed in their house? lmao!!!!!

THEN her father blew back into town. they reconnected, they both began working more so that vera’s mother didn’t have to rely on her own (we’ll get to her dad’s parent’s in a second). 

vera, at the Tender Age of Three™ learned that she was a complete Daddy’s Girl™. although she loved her mom for obvious reasons, she connected with her dad on an entirely different level. he was fun! he was playful! he was young, but he was the perfect dad! he even told dad jokes! which she didn’t get until she was five because three year olds usually aren’t that smart! they did little ‘acrobatic’ things! it was cute and fun and good!

but? this is a roleplay character?

our man died from unexpected heart failure. the autopsy showed an abnormality that hadn’t previously been discovered, and we know our man rarely went to the doctor. vera was six at the time.

her mom: married at 18, mother at 20, widow at 26. 

because she and her mom had never developed that Close Bond™, it was difficult for her mother to figure out how to... like... keep her from wandering around... because just telling her not to wasn’t working... so she was like “you know what.... a leash.”

we love ‘puppy’ by george saunders

so whenever her mom was at work and vera wasn’t in school, she was tied to a tree in the backyard.

cruel and unusual punishment!

eventually, her mom kind of just... threw in the towel... she left completely for a change of pace. she said she would be back and that vera would be under the care of her father’s parents in athens until then.

her father’s parents had always been more accepting of the young marriage. they’d been more supportive of them being young parents, in spite of her father having left for a while. they’d definitely been supportive of vera and her mother during that time because they were like “omg mood”

there were a few other kids under their care, all related or not. they did some work for her father’s parents, but nothing very laborious – just sort of... Bonding™ ja feel?

so her mom DID keep her promise and returned three years later when vera was nine. mind you, vera had never held any feelings of resentment towards her mother. when she was six, she... just didn’t get it. at nine, she was old enough to be like “i get u.”

BUT her mother DID get remarried. she didn’t resent her for that, but... she was not fond of the new husband. he wouldn’t accept the ‘dad’ title, was very stern, very serious, made her mom seem like an absolute joy, etc. 

but her mom was in love, so what could she do? and then they had a son together, so what could she do? nothing.

that summer, to learn more Discipline™, vera was sent to live with her step-father’s parents in london. boy howdy, it was nothing like her father’s parents! they had a knack for pointing out flaws, induced actual laborious work, constantly quoted the bible at the worst of times, and thought that a single head nod was the equivalent of “good job!” there were a couple of other kids there too, but yikes.

TEENS ( *hang ten emoji* ) + COLLEGE

triggers: brief domestic abuse implications

early was filled with Drama™ surrounding her step-father’s parents and her step-father himself. the overall consensus was that he was not a dope dude, nor were his parents. vera’s mother filed for divorce and gained sole custody of their son (keeping in mind.... she basically already had sole custody of vera.... considering she was her only legal guardian left lmao)

after the divorce was filed, vera’s mother was like “u kno what. my parents hate me. my first husband is dead. my second husband was a douche. i have no reason to be here anymore.” so they went to the land of golden opportunity

but wound up in america instead

(joke patented by dr. doofenshmirtz)

vera, around sixteen at the time (y’all i’m figuring out ages as i go along bear with me), now attended some strange high-school where they were like “fahrenheit.” 

by the way! it was in holiday! that’s important to note for possible future connections!

it wasn’t an unwelcome change, though. starting over... was nice...

but the problem was that she was like her father in that she always acted before she thought... which made her a very dumb smart person. 

alright get ready for the single idea that drove this entire thing:

she majored in philosophy then was *pikachu shocked face* when she realized there were no jobs out there for philosophy majors.

ADULTHOOD

alright... so what do you do when you have no good opportunities for things in your major?

you would think you would do something like... idk... find a well-paying job that doesn’t require a major?

or maybe a job that just requires experience in ___?

or maybe a job that just requires a bachelor’s degree of any sort?

or maybe a job that doesn’t require a major, but would like a major similar to yours, thus giving you a leg up?

etc.?

lmao no. you go to new orleans and become one of many phony fortune tellers using the one good thing you got from your weird upbringing: easy analysis of body language.

in addition, you try to make something of your life through music, but have no clue what ‘marketing’ is because you really don’t understand social media and probably still have the egg as your twitter profile picture.

what do you mean print is out of style?

what do you mean no one listens to CDs anymore?

what do you mean garageband isn’t acceptable to record on?

that being said, it’s not like... she wasn’t good at it... i mean she was v good at it... but musician is in quotes because she has made NOTHING of her LIFE with it. DOES NOT UNDERSTAND MARKETING.

*sonic kid vc* WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? *end vc*

she got some decent pay from being a ‘fortune teller,’ though. tourists totally flocked and using a fake russian accent helped, as did... just speaking a language they didn’t know while pretending to contact spirits...

at least she’s a good scam artist

can’t market very well, but could probs create the next big ponzi scheme

returned to holiday when she heard news from her brother that her mother had fallen ill.

honestly rest in peace.

is still around because... that’s her home! sentiment! also rip!

also marketing isn’t as hard in holiday so???

also testing fortune telling out in holiday is more interesting so???

DOPE.

PERSONALITY

either really dumb for a smart person or really smart for a dumb person.

still has a childlike trait tbh. i mean when ur growing up just laying beneath child labor laws, ur gonna have to become a kid again eventually.

really bad at technology for reasons unknown to... everyone, but really good at scams.

has not thought before she acted even ONCE.

hasn’t used her degree since she was 22. the closest she’s come is buying some misc. philosophy books and sharing tidbits with strangers. 

“now this is a taoist anthem” - vera @ ‘soak up the sun’ by sheryl crow

so many ragrets.

will find a way to bring up she’s half greek in every conversation. 

“and i’ve had mental illness since i was in middle school. good night.” - that video someone edited of professor tox

im so bad at personality sections but she’s got a fun one y’all one of the few characters i’ve played who’s had a Sad Backstory™ but wound up being a Fun And Comedic Character™

TL;DR

that was my first time ever writing this whole thing out, so it got real long. so we gonna give a tl;dr:

triggers: v brief mentions of parental death, brief mentions of child abuse, v brief implication of domestic abuse

born to a v young couple in wales. dad was like “brb” then he did, indeed, come rb. loved dad. but dad died when she was six lmao get wreckt this is a roleplay character.

mom was like “idk what 2 do” so she took notes from george saunders’s ‘puppy’ and just tied vera to a tree when she was gone adjsflka. went away for a while and vera stayed with her dad’s parent’s in greece. came back three years later and reunitedanditfeelssogood.mp3.

got married tho and vera was like “i don’t like this guy” and mom was like “i’m having his child.” lived with his parents over the next few summers. they almost violate child labor laws. like. just a hair more. hare? became source of any self-hatred lmao get wreckt

vera’s mom and step-dad divorced bc he was horrible and they moved to holiday when she was sixteen. she left for college when she was eighteen. she decided to major in philosophy which was a bad idea and the source of her entire character. 

decided to become a phony fortune teller in new orleans instead of... idk... just getting a job that didn’t require a degree or sumn? pretty successful tho! talked in a fake russian accent around tourists bc? why not? 

also did/does music but has no idea how marketing works. bad at social media. records things on garageband. an overall fool. good but a fool.

back in holiday bc mom died lmao get wreckt we’re an orphan now boizzzz

Sad But Rad™

WANTED CONNECTIONS

it’s 2:38AM as i write this part and i still have to go back and include a stats thing bc i love those then post ic but i’ll update this w/ some when im done i suppose?? but we do love brainstorming in this house!!

like this or hmu if you’d like to plot !

#holidcyintro #ok! i said this at the top of the intro but this accidentally got rly long so if reading it all doesn't float ur boat there's a tl;dr at #the bottom!

[ask-shakespearehigh]

Q&A post with the Mods!!!!

This is going to be a long one oh boy

How strict is the delineation of creative control vis-a-vis characters/plays between the mods? (@pedanticlecturer)

We generally have the plays split up along lines of “what we know”— we have a list at the very beginning of the blog. Sometimes we’ll draw the others’ characters (mostly me drawing some of Star’s…) but even then the final say on characterization is up to the “main” mod for that play — mod aster

what aster said -- mod star

What is your favorite play? What is your favorite character in terms of how they were written in the source material? (@pedanticlecturer)

I think my favorite play overall is Macbeth, just because I like the vibes (and the fact that I too could kill Macbeth), the fact that you don’t say it’s name in theatres, and the fact that it’s a play I did a full read through and analysis of in class. Favorite character? Puck from Midsummer. — mod aster

uhhhh,, hmm. ive always had a soft spot for midsummer since i saw it with aster esp bc of how fun the costumes were. of the comedies it has the largest potential to be the most visually pleasing bc of the concept of fairies,,,and im gay and dramatic so i love that. id die if i got to costume design for midsummer,,,or be in it,,,yeah. fav character. hmm. probably mercutio?? i recently saw a version of romeo and juliet where mercutio was played by a woman and oh my god it was amazing!!! not to mention mercutio’s portrayal in baz luhrmann's INCREDIBLE version of r n j!!! (I based my mercutio design on him) he just spends the entire time making dick jokes. love that. -- mod star

How do you answer asks so fast? I mean it's great but I'm impressed 😂 (Anon)

Personally, it’s a mix of: notifications on, quick drawing speed, and using the blog to avoid my class work — mod aster

aster is fast and (as you can see from all of my answers) im lazey -- mod star

Are there any elements/characters of the plays you're covering that you would have liked to work into this blog's plot, but couldn't due to the constraints of the setting or the synthetic nature of the blog? (@pedanticlecturer)

I wanted to make everyone gay but unfortunately due to plot constraints we have to have some hets but that wont stop me from making it lgbt as possible. -- mod star

I did want to make The Tempest more of a central play, but it just didn’t translate well. Similarly, other supernatural elements like the witches in Macbeth. This isn’t so much a constraint mentioned, but my own time/energy means that I want to show the Macbeth backstory, in a specific format, but I can’t right now— mod aster

Is there a hierarchy of import when it comes to each play's individualized impact on shakespeare high's general arc? If so, what plays are crucial to the foundation of the story? Which ones did you do mostly for shits and giggles? (@pedanticlecturer)

This is phrased like an ACT question and i might not answer it right so sorry in advance but: mod aster and i only selected a few plays for each of us to do given we dont know all of shakespeare’s works, but we tend to put more emphasis on the the more well known. But it also comes down to 1. How much we have plotted out for each play and 2. What the followers ask about most. Our two most popular are hamlet and macbeth bc people are familiar w those but around march caesar always becomes relevant again. I didnt even have designs for some of the characters until someone asked about them. -- mod star

I would say the same as star— it generally comes down to what people ask about. I will say that the overall plot is sort of separated into “has happened” and “is happening”. Like, the human potion of Midsummer, Julius Caesar, and Macbeth are all in the “aftermath” portion, while Twelfth Night, Hamlet, and Romeo and Juliet, among others, are happening. We’re trying to incorporate as much as we can, and I don’t think any of them were really put in without some thought.— mod aster

What personal significance does shakespeare hold in ur guys' lives? (@pedanticlecturer)

I go to a theater school rn and so ive dealt w shakespeare (although not all of them) it also helps that i was in loves labours lost last year as moth and that i read hamlet and r n j. Theres also a theater in my state that always does One Big Shakespeare per season and they always do them super well!!! My love for shakespeare probably started w seeing midsummer at that theater w mod aster!!! So. Theater kid rights!! -- mod star

To be honest, I got back into Shakespeare Because of the blog. I’ve been friends with some people that got really Pretentious about Shakespeare, and it kinda put me off of it. I did have a book of abridged plays (the plays’ plots written out in prose, basically) that I read as a kid, which is what got me into not only the plots of a lot of the plays, but also the idea of having them illustrated. And, same as star, the theater in state does the One Big Shakespeare— and they tend to do some really cool things with the costumes, setting them in diff time periods. I haven’t been able to see any lately since I’ve moved, but they still slap. — mod aster

🥰😘💙🥰🥰💜💟🥰I 😍💗💚😍😍LOVE🖤🖤 YALL ♥️♥️🧡💛💚💝❣️💕💘💖💗💓💞💝❤️💛💜 okay now i have a question i swear— how long have the two of you been doing art??? and what were your first shakespeare plays??? (@hellaghosts)

Uhh i started drawing when i was like idk 12 and i have the giant boxes of sketchbooks to prove it!!! I moved to digital art at abt 14-15 but mostly stayed traditional until this yr when i got a Neat New Tablet so some of my sketchbooks are sitting abandoned rip. My first shakespeare was either romeo and juliet or midsummer nights dream and i love both of them v much!!! I have a very old piece of art that i did for r n j for my freshman class assignment on it and it hasnt aged well alsdjfjafd circa 2016 i think??? -- mod star

Oh man. I started drawing when I was about 10, but it was Bad. I don’t think I got much into drawing again until I was about 14? Sometime around the end of middle school/beginning of high school. I would say I started getting into drawing as more than doodling/coloring edits sometime around 2015-16? I would draw on my iPad with my finger, then I got a tablet for my computer, and now I pretty much stick to my iPad with an Apple Pencil. My first Shakespeare play was….. uh…… probably Midsummer???? I have No idea. We would go to plays when I was little, so I honestly don’t remember if I saw others before. It may have been Romeo and Juliet— I had that book where it was the original and the “modernized” with the little dog that explained things— which, if you know it makes sense, but if you don’t is probably a bonkers answer. — mod aster

Do you think this blog has like? An overarching thesis (be it b/c intentionally or simply b/c ur own take on the world has bled thru to the point where u believe it’s central to the piece at this point)? (@pedanticlecturer)

Not gonna lie, I had to read that like three times AND dm you to figure out what you were asking from us and all I have is “be gay, respect women, write your own happy endings”. — mod aster

This blog started with an ides of march shitpost and you think we have enough brain energy to write a whole thesis? I projected feelings of found family onto my half of the blog but idk if that counts. Be gay do crime 420 69 -- mod star

What’s the nature/rough dynamic of ur relationship? How do y’all know each other? (@pedanticlecturer)

Met mod aster when i was like 4 and even tho we didnt live close we became like, best friends although the Best part didnt start until we were like 13-ish and eventually we talked like non stop (about anime and homestuck. Yknow. 13 year old kid things) and we didnt see each other a lot bc of Distance and now its even worse bc aster is in colleg.,e but we consider each other siblings regardless of family bc we’re adopted into our own respective families so that bled over into our friendship and it would feel weird calling him anything other than my brother now. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst and if you really want a good insight on what we’re like as siblings watch griffin and justin mcelroy’s overview video of catlateral damage wherein i am griffin and he is the long suffering justin. -- mod star

Star is basically my long distance sibling and functionally the only cousin I recognize bc like their parents are basically an aunt and uncle and like our dads look enough alike that we’ve both accidentally gotten the wrong dad for a hug or similar so like. Anyways yeah Star is the Griffin to my Justin, complete with our absent middle brother who we love dearly— mod aster

Dubiously relevant q but what kind of music do y’all listen to when u do art (if that is indeed a habit either of u partake in) (@pedanticlecturer)

It can depend on the piece? I was working on some (unrelated) oc prints that were song-focused, and for those I just listened to said song on loop. Sometimes I have playlists. Sometimes I’ll just be in a Mood and throw a song on loop. But a lot of time for the blog, I’ll listen to The Adventure Zone for the billionth time, because I have Too Much Attention. I’ve also, on request from Star, linked the most recent “loop song”.— mod aster

I tend to obsess over the same like 3 songs every few weeks so those get listened to on repeat but it also depends on the tone of what im drawing or who im drawing i might genre switch bc of that. If im drawing ophelia i stick to lana del rey and if im drawing hamlet its the neighborhood, horatio is sufjan stevens etc. i have categorized,. Most of the characters i draw into different songs/genres/energies of music but not like i ever follow that. Sometimes i just pull up a really long nonsense video and forget to draw. Essentially: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -- mod star

How’d y’all come up with ur pseudonyms? (@pedanticlecturer)

I love space so much and my main blog is starryeydsailor space gay rights!! Im also tiny and full of energy and bright so basically i;m star -- mod star

Uhhhh i was like “hey i want to do uhhhhhh flower?” And then I google searched flower names until I found one I liked —- mod aster

How did you end up deciding the rough timeline of events in canon? (@pedanticlecturer)

It’s mostly determined by like. How we choose per story? If that makes sense. Like, we just take story by story, and decide “is it happening, has it happened, and when?” And then we fit them together in relation to each other just by dint of. All existing at once. Like, I knew I wanted Macbeth to be in aftermath, because like, even though there’s no murder, the way I’ve translated it to the AU is still kinda heavy, and it’s something that I don’t know that I could do properly if it were happening right now. Also, it’s more interesting IMO to have them at different times. Tl;dr we wing it per story and slot them together— mod aster (mod star agrees I just can word better, in theory)

If you could tell the story of shakespeare high in a different format than an ask blog, would you? Obviously y'all are making very good use of the format, but would you want to write this as a animated series or like? a comic book? or is the form inseparable from the story? (@pedanticlecturer)

I kinda wanted to do a webcomic or maybe to plot develop through like, animatics but the element of surprise comes from the asks we get and really makes us think so the blog is a good start. We didnt think we’d get this far -- mod star

Pretty much what Star said— there are certain elements where it’d be neat to do as a comic or as an animatic. Like, the fantasy dream is like, an anthology webcomic of each story, where you can like, see other characters in the background and stuff. But to be honest, we develop a lot by what we’re asked— there was a post about developing worldbuilding by being asked questions and then pretending you’ve thought about the answer, and it’s not far off. Personally, it’s hard to just lay out a story, because I have a whole WORLD and what’s relevant? What are people interested in? It’s by getting questions that I can then focus in on an area to develop. And yeah, we Super didn’t think we’d get this far lmao — mod aster

Any headcanons about your characters that you don't think will ever come up on the blog through asks or plot posts? (@pedanticlecturer)

I could make a whole separate post for this!!!!! Mostly its voice headcanons (and by mostly i mean like 1 or 2) or relationship hcs!!!! -- mod star

Honestly same. I don’t think I have voice headcanons for mine, though I bet I could find some. I’ve got a bunch of miscellaneous headcanons that just kinda float around, but like they’re scattered, too numerous for this post, and also not always things I’m sure are canon yet.— mod aster

#mod post #mod aster #mod star #q and a #birthday #we cant seem to read more AND tag so like brb gonna go kill god

[catmeme-moved]

all of the asks! >:3

god ok 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

😏

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

its only 4 babey

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober...ive never been drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16

7. What does your last received text say?

“jgdijgjfdivjdjdj me“

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in the parkinglot behind my dorm building

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffey

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

god i wouldnt have spent so much money

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

none at all ;3c

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i hope so!!!

20. Does anyone like you?

god i sure hope my gf does

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nop

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!

25. In the past week have you cried?

i mean probably i dont remember though

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

a pug...i saw him in a donut shop

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

i dry off as im stepping out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no bc jocks intimidate me

29. Do you think you’re old?

not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !

30. Do you like text messaging?

ya

31. What type of day are you having?

its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold..

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex” since sex is also on a spectrum like gender

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i thnik im fairly simple..idk

37. What song are you listening to?

when he died by lemon demon

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?

men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?

its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

i dont hate anyone!

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust

53. Do you like rain?

yes!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time 56. Do you like to cuddle?

god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?

its the social anxiety 58. Do you get along with girls?

i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

we r dating !! 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and my peper spray 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

id do it for 10 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 ! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yes! 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?    

i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?

plain white...f    75. Are you 16 or older?    

bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?    

yes i work in a library !  78. What are your initials?    

ylb79. Did you ever have braces?    

no :^/80. Are you from the south?    

nope im a pnw bitch

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   

i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?    

no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   

flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?    

god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

not yet93. …Had sex in a car?    

no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

 i hate wearing shorts

#vry sorry if the readmore doesnt work sdhgjkh #clouds06 #asko

[icharchivist]

perso-rant underneath and at first i intended it to be more light hearted but welp cant dive into myself without digging the bad stuff so just ignore this as rambling.

(idk if the cut works on mobile so as usual blacklist #ichapersonal to skip it , its quite long)

its night and im noisy and all but yknow part of the reason m/lb is such a healing show for me and i rewatch it every couple of days?

i cry everytime M.arinette's family is on screen pretty badly bc i get so envious all the time. i hate my shitty family (and often can relate to A.drien's ressentment) so just seeing such a /healthy/ family being often shown litterally brings me to tears. im like C.hat in the animan episode when he stares at the family picture with a sweet smile (another detail that stupidly make me cry who allowed th i s)

like. i dont relate to A.drien's relation to his family but some of the emotional effects is often a moment of "welp. mood." and being kinda sad /for him/ even if i can feel it for myself too. but then with M.arinette's family everytime they get to be on screen i realize how happy this sort of dynamic makes me and it makes me /so envious/.

like my mom is an artist and an excellent cook but she always barred those interests from me bc it was /hers/ and it was for /her ego/ and this attitude just killed every curiosity i had and remplaced it with a complete unability to care.

i used to bake as a kid but my mom was always shutting down everything i was doing, and if i was asking for help or recieps she would just tell le "it's a secret just watch " and never letting me know tf she was doing so i stopped lmao. everytime ive tried meals since it was only for myself and with a hard mocking from family and mom saying she had a better recieps and i should just let her do so i dont even try it often. (moreeven now that the kitchen is opened to the living room and they're super judgemental when im in it)

i was messing with drawings and paints in her workshop when i was a kid but she would always point out flaws and take my tools to correct it without telling nor showing me how and it killed it, it took me until my 14yo to start doing mindless doodles and then my breakdown when i was about 20 to seriously try back to draw and do art and try different tools (until my right hand made it impossible for me to hold a tool and the failure still feels yknow)

i wanted to sew things and make clothes (at the time for my dolls) but my mom was never letting me touch the tools (that we HAD since not only she made clothes but her mom actually had a fabrique shop. like. right next door. i think it became part of my mom's trauma hating her mom and refusing us to connect with her, more so with what happened when i was 7 and we lost contact with them but still, the damn irony. and i cant remember if my grandma ever let me close her sewing material but i was a damn kid after all) so this is another thing i didnt pursue

i wanted to pick up music (piano mostly) bc my uncle is a musician but my parents never wanted to invest in that because they already gave a piano to my sister (that i wasnt allowed to use) so ye that was dropped lmao

and i started to write when i was about 11 and it was that /one thing/ i didnt need help for from anyone, completely self taught, with my own ways and tools, and my parents were always dismissive of it, never listening to me, always telling me it wasnt important, that i should focus on something else, and after other circumstances that added to that i dropped writting around my 17/18yo and it had been painful to even try to write again since.(i came back to writing around my 20yo a bit before my breakdown but after it happened it started to die out and i felt exhausted and stopped after a few months and since then i've never been able to pick up writing again ay.)

(and im not touching the obsessive elements bc like- the fact she does it for her crush makes it different, but the sort of things she does? taking pictures and putting them everywhere in her room when she hyperfixates, making overcomplicated schedules and such? i litteraly do that with fiction. i made a freaking timeline for this show. i am currently working on organizing codex from d.a and an approval guide for christ sake. and im not talking about my multiple fandom shrines in my room and the fact i legit have one for m/lb made from pictures found on merchs.

or also the fact i have a lot of passions i'd love to share and seeing M. play video games with her dad for exemple makes me so bitter when all i get is backhanded insults from my parents when i bring it up.)

So sometimes i see M. and part of me is just in awe, loving everything about her. the other part of me tho... i feel... a bit robbed? like she's such a creative kid, she's incredible and she inspires me everyday, and i cant help but think how i would have adored her when i was a kid. (im not even kidding, as a kid i requested my mom a costume of black cat for h.alloween and a l.adybug costume for the carnaval. i have pictures of that at my dad's place sadly it kills me. also my room when i was a kid used to be covered with l.adybug stickers like. HELL my mom doesnt care about my interests but last year she bought me a M/LB winter callendar (bc its been years i was mentioning i wanted one, a selfish whim but oh well) and i had a huge double take bc i was certain she didnt remember me talking about this show- and she did not. when i asked her why, she legit told me "because she reminded me of you as a kid with your pigtails your obsession for l.adybugs". like!! i cant even stress how kid!me would have adored this show and especially LB./M.) (the pigtails too this time i have proofs around there i used to carry them all the time until i was bullied for it at school. (bullying at school instead of good friends also adds to the difference in question tbh lmao))

there is something so... weird into seeing the parts of yourself that you cut yourself from in a character, and see that the main difference is because of how the family (and bullies) treated those elements so drastically differently.

my family was always neglectful but differently than A.. the things i relate to with him is how he specifically still holds on hope that his father will do better at least just for one day and his reaction when he's left down saying he's just used to it. and like normal, not every kind of abuse are the same and all but i still relate enough to feel sad.

but M. is always a whiplash of feelings like i could have been this sort of girl in a better environment.

at 13/14yo she was already making stuff up, baking, designing clothes, doing art, she was doing so many things, even forgetting the superhero part. she was being happy being a creator at her pace and with encouragement. at 13/14yo i was starting to show concerning signs of d.epression because i was trying to handle my parents's divorces and the multiple trials that followed that /i/ had to handle by finding middle grounds, allowing some of my father's blackmail to avoid worse, and by litterally having to collect infos from mails everytime to prove against some of his arguments to the judges. and my sister refusing to talk to us for a year, which caused us basically to feel very bad thinking of the eldest sister who ran away from home, and having to handle my father's harrasment and emotional abuse of constantly belittling me (fuck this was the age he legit told me i would probably end up a p.rostitute so ye!!! fuck that!!!) andd the fact my mom was also falling apart from all of it on me and i was always supposed to cheer her up while i was having a hard time in a new school and new environment away from the very few friends i had and again feeling abandonned by my sister which freaking sucks after already had suffered that from our eldest one.

but M. makes me cry every. goddam. rewatch. its like maybe the ultimate wish fufilling story of just how i would have loved my family to be. of how i think i could have turned up.

and that realization hits so badly everytime.

there's a thing with my hyperfixations where i'll always find a way to tie it back to my traumas. i dont know if im pulling straws, or if the things are there. for having watched m.lb when it came out unfazed and only got hit with that realization upon rewatching- i feel it was more me realizing "there is something there that is touching me more than before" and having an introspection to get it.

and i think the difference is that- before my breakdown the characters and stories i related to where the eternal optimistic-yet-damaged "never give up!" type of characters. When things started to go downhill to my breakdown and since then the fictions that talked to me the most were all dealing with guilt coming from toxic environment that werent your fault per se but you pierceved that way. my way to relate were to characters who felt deeply connected to their guilt (peak being c.loud of f.f7 that even topped it with the deadly skin disease making him lose will to live (because ye that happened. still hate to watch out for that so ye), and memories issues, you would have told me at 13yo when i first watched that movie that this would be what i would relate to him about 7 years later i would have laughed at your face.), which translated with pushing people away and self destructing habits.

and i know i watched m.lb the first time around that time, when i was 20/21. and that may be why i didnt feel that. that my concerns were too elsewhere to realize that. That i was too focalized on how i felt like i failed by suddenly breaking under the pressure, having all the things i've kept burried kicking me out at once, and that i couldnt afford to be a burden to anyone. and it translated with me loving characters like that because in most cases their friends ended up reminding them of what was important - and sometimes just getting frustrated about your fav being as dumb as it forces you to pull yourself back together lmao. not always working but it was there.

now im 23. i cut ties with my father for about 3/4 years now, with all the shitty things that ensued out of the last trial where he sued me and his still-happening harrasment (sometimes silly sometimes scary). My mom and step dad are suffocating me more and more everyday. my health had become so disastrous i cant even manage to go school or find a job. And more than ever im frustrated and angry.

and i think it may be a shown of recovery? perhaps linked to therapy? of while i still have guilt of falling apart- /they/ are the reason i fell apart. and I'm yet to have proper apologizes for it. i grew furious at my family. of how much i feel robbed.

lately im so angry at everything i lost, was taken of, stolen childhood all of that- because of my parents, mainly. (hell even the bullying at school - in primary school it apparently started bc of gossips about why my eldest sister ran away from home, and in middle school it was first bc my parents insisted on sending me to private school where i was an outcast. which then had me truly embrassing the outcast persona that had made it impossible for me to be at peace in the two others middle schools i went to. highschool saved my social life tbh).

i think it's therapy and recovery that is making me shift the blame and feel so angry at them. so bitter. and suddenly i see in an innocent kid show a "what could have been". same starting personality, different people to channel this.

and this is. frustrating.

but it makes me love it even more. idk if its driving anything else than ressentment but at least for the time of an episode I'm in a bubble of a.lternative universe where i can forget about my life and feel satisfied at once.

like finding a piece of myself that i deliberately broke and burried to never think about it again, and realize far later how it missed to the whole, and how damaged this piece is now, but still is.

and there is something incredibly healing about that. i would never have thought there would be this much healing out of this anger and yet satisfaction. what a strange feeling.

fiction is funny that way. the things people can get out of it to deal with their own psyche are so different one person to the next.

it's just so weird for me to go from "i relate to the horrors this character went through" to "and fuck those horrors. let me think about what could have been if this didnt happen."

even moreso knowing i had this piece of fiction before and didnt approach it that way. there's a time and a mindset for everything. apparently now was the best mindset for me huh

.......

so ye apparently i cant like something like a normal person and have to go on about how it connects to my deeply rooted traumas lmao.

anyway it's been eating me up for weeks now and it's 4:45am i have absolutly no impulse holding me back. if you sat through this piece of work im sorry. just needed it to get it out of my chest.

i'll go back to hugging my cheap-yet-lifesaving c.laire's l.adybug pillow now

good night o/

#ichapersonal

[warmau]

{Special} College!AU Jae

major: communications - rhetoric concentration 

minor: philosophy (not going well for him)

sports: n/a

clubs: debate team, writes for the art journal, in a couple of on-campus bands but is mostly active with a group called night6

“bro, why aren’t you a music major?”

“easy. i love getting into arguments with people.”

so a lot of people don’t know much about tall, lanky, otherwise unthreatening looking jae

and that’s the fact that he can run his mouth a mile a minute, and quite frankly, he loves doing that

got called out on twitter for abusing the 280 character limit 

by called out i mean youngk started a poll to get jae blocked by twitter - it didn’t work but it was hilarious 

asked his friend jamie once “hey, if i send in my grades - will they verify me on instagram?”

she wasn’t amused

he originally thought taking philosophy would just mean more time to debate others, but socrates ??? what was that dude even saying??? why are all his words so Complicated

like jae is all for that know thyself but damn,,,,,

he wants to go into law after school,,,,or more specifically public policy and stuff. he might act silly and make sarcastic jokes the core of his personality - but jae cares about things

he cares about people and the world deeply, enough that he’s agitated by unjustice

even if he’s gotten excused from “discourses on colonialism” like five times for cursing out christopher columbus 

he loves music a lot, probably has the most diverse taste in it though - so people are always asking him for reccommendations 

knows like,,,,,every local band playing in bars near campus,,,

night6 is a small band gotten together by jae and his closes friends, their unofficial manager is jamie who always puts up a fuss about them not playing venues worth their talent

but tbh jae loves it, the stage

small or big, playing guitar or arguing over texts - he just likes the spotlight

even if his rather shy, nerdy apperance says otherwise

he probably owns like one hundred of the same pair of wide-framed glasses because he thinks they make him look the best

also once he worse dark ones and wonpil was like “you look like a blind mouse”

always chilling outside of class, guitar case slung over his shoulder and notebook in hand, listening to some indie album no one has ever heard of

has messy hair, but a super clean dorm (sungjin really doesn’t know why his dorm is the only thing jae keeps organized in his life)

and you’ve actually known jae for a while, since middle school actually,,,

in high school you two even briefly dated, after years of friendship it had all come to a point where you’d kissed at some after party dance

and you and jae were sure you were soulmates, both music obsessed and enjoying good banter

but,,,,,,,,,it didn’t last long,,,,,,,,,because well because you ended it

there had been too much going on, too many uncertain futures and jae had still been a teenager - unaware that his jokes had a time and a place

and when you were in peril, you didn’t want his sarcastic commentary,,,,you wanted the jae behind that

the jae that had held you in his arms like you were the most treasured source of light in his life and if he were to let go  he’d be shrouded in darkness forever

but he hadn’t been that,,,and you didn’t know if he still had it in him

you guys didn’t talk much after, you didn’t know he even ended up at the same college as you until you see him talking with a jamie outside of debate club

and you wouldn’t have gone over, if it hadn’t have been for jamie spotting you and waving you over

she held your arm excitedly, asking if you know jae and if you can still make it to the concert she’d invited you tonight

all too quick did it dawn that this was jae’s concert,,,, 

“im happy you still play guitar.”

you whispered and jamie’s excitement buzzed between the weird atmosphere of you and jae

he smiled, but it was half-hearted

“im happy you’re doing well.”

the concert was,,,,just as you expected - in a dark, dingy bar full of drunk undergrads

jae’s band was playing, and you could vaguely recognize youngk who also went to high school with you two

the setlist was a whole bunch of songs you’d never head before - and you couldn’t believe that you felt your heart twist when you couldn’t even recognize one

a memory of you and jae, sitting in his garage when you were just sixteen played like an old film in your head

he had been a tiny bit shorter than he was now, and his handsome sharp features were awkward

but you had felt nothing short of true, pure love back then

because jae was sharing his songs with you, reaching out to take your hand and help you play chords 

laughing sweetly against your ear and making everything else float away

he had been close, so so close

but now, you were at the other end of the room and he was playing something unfamiliar and his eyes hadn’t met yours the entire night,,

clutching your untouched beer once more, you pushed it away and made your way to jamie who stood at the edge of the stage recording the performance

“just got a text from my RA, im gonna go ok?”

she nodded, turning to smile and mouth a goodbye

as you turned, your back to the stage as you fought through the people to the exit

jae’s eyes flicked from his mic to the shadow of your figure

i won’t miss them. ive missed them for far too long

he thought, but somehow he knew he was lying to himself. like he’d lied to himself when you broke up with him.

after that, you and jae kept your distances

jamie had tried to invite you to more of night6′s shows - but you made up excuses

she probed and jae to tell her how you two knew each other, but he always answered in one word or two

“school” “same neighborhood” “don’t remember” 

but he did - he remembered everything, even the things that hurt the most 

how you weren’t a,,,,,,sun kind of person,,,,you were more like the moon - gentle, but unforgettable 

you were the first person to tell jae he didn’t have to be whatever other people wanted him to be

you were the first person he really,,,,kissed,,,,really touched

there was so much about you - small facts and habits that he knew that suddenly flooded back in waves after seeing you at his concenrt

that he couldn’t sleep for hours,,,,,laid in bed and stared into the dark, listening to youngk’s small snores and stirs and thought

about the color of your eyes, the slope of your neck, your words - “jae, you weren’t there for me. i needed you and you just - you just -”

both you and jae know that staying away is the only thing that can keep you two on track, and the university is a big place it isn’t that hard to avoid crossing paths

but fate is mysterious and sometimes you can’t control where two people end up

it’s late when you leave the bookstore - you’re supposed to take your bike back to campus but ,,,,,,,, it’s gone

you stare at the pole you attached it to, but,,,,,,,it’s not there

the only thing remaining is the broken lock laying helplessly on the ground and as you squat down to pick it up

you try to reason with yourself - so what if it got stolen,,,,it was old,,,,,

but biting back your lip, you clutch the lock in hand and think that there must be a bus nearby,,,,a metro station? 

“stolen bike? tough luck!”

a voice says from behind you

“people are really dropping to new lows these days, like dude just go get a used bike they’re like thirty bucks.”

the voice is familiar and you want to tell yourself that no, there’s no way

but when you turn, jae is there and his look of amusement washes into something between shock and regret

“oh,,,,hey.”

you swallow, hiding the lock completely in your hand and trying to tell yourself to just act normal - like you guys are just clasmates - not friends, but not strangers

“hey, it,,,it’s funny right.”

you mean the bike, but jae’s tone of humor is gone. his eyes fixate on your hand and you see them do a small twitch, a habit he’s had since you knew him

“im,,,,about to drive back to campus. do you want a ride?”

of all the things in world you shouldn’t agree to, a one-on-one late night drive with your ex has to be up there

but you’re,,,,not in the mood to wander around looking for your stolen bike or any other way to get back to school

plus saying no,,,,would just seem like you were making things weird and you didn’t want to make things weird

so forcing the best smile you can you nod, “tha-that’d be great, but i hope it’s not a bother.”

jae shakes his head, the unkept bangs fall over his glasses and when he turns you take in the lines of his jaw and nose

since you’ve last seen him, he’s grown

and you were always charmed by his physical appearance, but now he wasn’t just cute - he was truly an adult 

with big shoulders and prominent angles that made something stir within you

something you pleaded with to calm down - to not cloud your better judgment 

jae’s car was familiar, it had belonged to his father when you were in high school and jae had stolen it once to drive you two to the city once,,,

you’d never made it - turning around halfway there because the sun was rising and instead stopping off the road to watch it 

he had held your hand back then, brought it up to his lips and kissed it 

he’d gotten grounded when he drove back, coming into school laughing about it at your locker

now, you were sitting beside him in the passenger seat and it was silent - pitch black outside aside from the flickering of stop lights and buildings

and you could hear your breathing, the beating of your heart and how it got just a bit faster when jae put his hand on the headrest of your seat while backing up out of the parking space

neither of you spoke, he didn’t even play music which was odd

it was horrible - suffocating

until finally you had had enough and leaned forward to press play on the car radio

“don’t-” jae began, but it was too late

the CD inside started playing - the sound of jae’s young voice speaking your name

“-this is a playlist just for you. it has all our songs on it, the one we kissed to and all the corny good stuff. the first one’s the one i wrote for you. don’t laugh at it, ok? you better not laugh.”

jae stopped it before the song could play, but you already knew what it was 

this was the playlist jae had made for you after you guys started dating. you’d given the CD back when you broke up,,,but why was he listening to it now?

you wanted to ask, but something kept you from it

“im sorry. this is awkward.” you whisper

“are you sorry that this situation is awkward or are you saying apologizing is awkward?”

you grimace at that, there he goes - always politicking always,,,saying what you wish he wouldn’t

jae seems to feel you tense and sighs

“sorry,,,,sorry,,,,i still haven’t learned to watch my mouth. but,,,,im sorry too. i wish,,,,,,,,we didn’t have to be like this.”

there’s pain in his voice and it almost breaks you - but you understand what he means

sitting back against the seat, you turn to face the window just because you don’t know what to say

you’re so scared of this fragile line you and jae are walking

because every moment with him feels like you’re re-living those good memories from before

but you’re also thinking about the moment you chose to abandon all that

jae doesn’t bother you, he seems to be in the same limbo of feelings too the whole drive back

but what’s weird is that when you pull into the parking lot, you both sit there in the car - not sure who should move first

“part of me regrets it.”

you breath and clench your teeth as you speak

jae’s eyes stay on the dashboard

“part of me regrets breaking up with you, because i did it so trivially - i just snapped under pressure and thought that you couldn’t give me what i wanted and jae -”

you feel his gaze finally settle on you

and his eyes aren’t those of the teenage boy you were in love with, they’re of someone matured and ready to be serious

“jae everything back then was so ,,,, fucked.”

you don’t even realize it, maybe because it’s the earth’s magnetic force or your own instincts as people, but you and jae are coming closer

till his strong hands have you in a hug, uncomfortable because of your positions in the car, but so inviting and warm

protective ,,,,, the kind of hug you needed back then but also the kind of hug you craved for even now

“i was still a kid, i didn’t know what to do. but ive grown, and i can be there now.”

his voice sounds deeper, closer against the shell of your ear and your grip on him tightens 

“have you been remembering ,,,,,, us?” you as with a shiver down your spine as jae nuzzles his face into your neck

“yes. i remember,,,,,,everything.”

that night, neither of you can go back to your dorms

you and jae walk the campus, still and untouched in the night and hold hands

you feel his long fingers entwine with yours and it’s embarrassing the thought that runs through your head

you’ve only just,,,,gotten close again - you can’t rush

and when you and jae talk,,,,,because years have passed and you’re not lost teens with too much adrenaline and misconceptions about the world you realize you’re both in places where,,,,,,,having each other

it would be nice. really nice

you fall asleep against his shoulder in the backseat of his car, his hoodie that he shrugs off is your blanket and nothing really happens but physical closeness and content

that your past is put to rest,,,,and you could find each other again

when you wake up, jae says he’s late for his class but he didn’t want to move and wake you

you poke him playfully, tell him that was dumb but jae just smiles and gropes around for his glasses on the car floor

he walks you to your dorm, and tells you to keep the hoodie

you walk a little bit up the stairs, just two or three before you’re at a height where you can lean over and kiss his forehead

and its,,,,,,,,,childish,,,,,giddiness that fills you two up even though you’re not kids anymore

the word dating doesn’t really come up till a couple of weeks after that, when jamie runs into you and jae at the cafe - jae is mocking one of the philosophers he has to read for class and you’ve got your legs thrown over his 

“sooooo you’re a couple now? honestly, you’re too good for jae!”

jamie comments, throwing an arm around you as she plops down at the table

she steals some of your coffee and jae rolls his eyes at her - asks her to let go of you, his significant other

and jamie just huffs, because she had you first

it’s a joke between friends, but you do have to put an end to it before someone gets some kind of food chucked at them

when jamie hops off to join kevin for studying, you look over at jae and smile

“so, it’s official - we gotta im your’s, you’re mine kinda thing?”

he grins, cheesy and the like and kisses your lips

“yep, better tell youngk to give up on that longtime crush he’s been having”

“oh hush, he doesn’t like me”

jae shakes his head, “i meant the one he’s had on me, obviously since im taken now.”

and don’t get me wrong, jae is still the sarcastic lil shit he’s always been - with a humor that borderlines annoying but that is still loveable

because he’s learned to scale it back, and he’s learned how to be a shoulder for you to lean on

just like you’re always ready to be there for him

whether it be supporting him at local band shows, wiping sweat off his face after a long set 

to helping him stay up and finish his philosophy papers - wikipedia articles and all

“those glasses make you look like a bug my dude”

youngk snarks one afternoon as you’re all eating lunch and jae untangles his arms from your waist to flick his best friend on the forehead

“hey, he’s a cute bug youngk - don’t be jealous”

you chime in, taking a bite of your food and lifting the chopsticks up again to feed jae

youngk makes a hacking noise at the affection, but both and jae stick your tongues out at him

you’re always surprised by the minimalism of jae’s dorm, just his bed, his desk, and his guitar 

even youngk has more than him, and you insist he decorate - give it some flavor

so jae hangs up a photo of you guys with tape and is like “i put up the most important photo i could find!”

you blush, but then you’re like “no, no we need one more.”

he tilts his head and you go “your mom. get a photo of her up there too you dweeb”

he  claps his hands together and goes “you’re totally right!”

sometimes he’ll call you petnames in korean and you’re like,,,tell me what it means or im bringing back the infamous chicken little jokes LOL

he’s so tall, that all his clothing has to be a size too large so it’ll be long enough

but this is great for you, endless baggy shirts and sweaters and flannels

and sweater paws that make jae fawn over you - or pout and go “give that back, i was gonna wear it to class!”

you and jamie are the first proud owners of night6 t-shirts

sungjin sometimes asks you if jae,,,,is like,,,,just like that 

and you’re like ?? what do you mean

and sungjin is like - is he just you know,,,,,,always talking

you: no there’s an off button, wanna see?

sungjin: please show me go

you: ok, here goes

and all you have to do is tap jae’s shoulder and wag with your finger for him to lean down

you kiss him, all cute and soft - leaving jae in a happy daze while throwing the peace sign up at sungjin who looks equally shocked and equally disappointed 

there’s a week where youngk goes away on a research trip with his fellow majors

and you and jae literally just turn the dorm into your own little apartment for the whole time, you never leave and you guys eat on youngk’s bed to avoid crumbs in jae’s

watching youtube video together, listening to jae write and practice, joking about how you guys have to wait past midnight to shower together 

it’s a week of just,,,,being domestic - and honestly you could get used to it,,,,

the last night you have “youngk free” as jae calls it, you’re laying beside jae and his hair is still slightly wet from his shower

he’s playing some game on his phone, arm still wrapped around you when you get that feeling in your stomach

and sit up, carefully removing the photographt of jae’s mother from his wall and placing it face down on his desk

“what’s up-”

he starts, but you throw a leg over his thighs and straddle his waist

jae’s eyes turn wide, and then haze over when you pull off his glasses and chuck his phone onto youngk’s bed

leaning in, jae taste faintly of mint and his large hand splays over your lower back 

you two fit together - and it’s like the temperature in the room climbs up ten degrees

jae sits up, you slide into his lap easily and there’s kissing, small sounds, and a lot of his hands everywhere

his body isn’t too muscular, it’s long and lean and he has the right amount of strength to support whatever you have for him 

and everything is close to perfect, but the small bumps of your noses and apologizes about marks left on necks just add to the overall naturality of being with him

“im blessed, im so blessed to have you”

is said somewhere afterwords, in the fall of bliss

and your heavy eyelids are kissed as you two fall asleep

youngk gets back early, and isn’t surprised to see you in the dorm collecting your things and taping the photo of jae’s mother back on the wall

you wave goodbye and when jae looks at youngk he grins “how was your trip?”

“just tell me you guys didnt’,,,,,not in my bed right?”

jae is not poetic when he talks, but he has a talent with lyrics and wonpil is sure some of his softer, more romantic ones are about you

jae refuses to acknowledge this, but the moment you’re around - sitting on his lap and playing with his hair or just giving him a kiss on the neck 

wonpil is sure what’s written on jae’s face is pure adoration 

you and jae debate on everything in a joking, couple kind of way but you do get competitive over some things

like which song is better or whose better at pokemon

and everyone thinks your twitter rants about each other are hilarious

you and jae can’t stay mad at each other for too long though - you both miss kissing each other more

jae is never amused at you asking him to get things off the top shelves in the libarary

but then again, you’re so freaking cute he does it anyway

“you’re mi amor”

“is that all the spanish you know?”

“i was born in argentina, but i didn’t really live there for too long - don’t sass me”

you and jae are voted cutest couple by the journal he sometimes writes for and youngk is like the votes are rigged but they’re not yall just too sweet to handle 

more college aus can be found:

by group: bangtan | vixx | got7 | nct | kard | monsta x | seventeen  gg specials: amber | momo | irene 

#day6 #day6 scenarios #day6 imagines #day6 au #park jaehyung #day6 jae #jae scenarios #jae imagines #jae au #i don't care that he had another major in college or that he's supposed to love music i love argumentative jae LOL #College!AU #college day6 #day6 jae scenarios #idk how else to tag this