#im js. numb

[rotting-brains]

Me after saying DID doesn't affect me too bad as if it doesn't make me completely unable to feel any excitement and joy for reaching the most important goals

#rea's rambling #rea's dumbfuck posts #started t and im feeling nothing. ive been waiting 6 years for this. i feel nothing #i see people crying in joy when they start t and i cant even remember if i put it on that morning or not #im js. numb #im tired #i got top surgery and i feel nothing #i havent felt gender euphoria in years. i dont think i ever felt it #i want to be like other trans guys but i dont have a personality and can only match other people's energies so of nobody is euphoric for me #then i cant be either. #i hate myself why cant i be normal for once #rant in tags #vent in tags #did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #cdd system #complex dissociative disorder #ftm system #trans system

[hisintentions]

all these "traumatic" experiences and not one has given me something interesting what the fuck.. "i dont understand how you dont care. i wish you did. you dont care about fucking anything and you dont try to care. what is more important to react to then the worst night of your life like you always scream about?" fuck u mom idk why i dont care jack ass

#i think she thinks im on drugs but im not im js numb and make myself feel things with unhealthy coping mechanisms

[ace-with--a-mace]

aging is beautiful and whatnot but oh my god is it scary

#ive been crying all day my uncle came over to drop off a walker for my grandma im gnna vomit #shes old but shes not old old shes turninf 79 our bdays are a week apart shes not sick or anything but ogmygod #i know people dont stay forever nd i thoufht ive been preparing myself for whenvr she goes for years but its scary #idk idk idk. idk how to like explain jt fully? its not scary scary but its not a pleasant feeling. its so weird #ive been kinda numb emotionally for a minute but this js ljke. ugh. my heart feels like a squeezed caprisun #l speaks #shut up l

[n3on-grav3ston3s]

High milestone in my life on the first night of pride month to celebrate 2 electric boogaloo

It's midnight

I'm not gonna write a novel again, I'm high and it sobers me up i don't want that, swamp grass is expensive here, i wanna be high of it in an economic and financial way.

Damnit. I'm writing a novel again. I need to get back to the story. Fk I'm doing it again. And also I'm writing a novel again.

After that previous post i went to watch that video on a loop. And i fking love it . And like wow the dub for tengen is so fking nice it just fits him like the actual voice does. It's a dub doppelganger.

And the BROMAAAANCEE. I miss rengoku and uzui. I love their characters.

Well.

I'm gonna go smoke some more swamp grass .

#this js sexond part go read previous one if youre interested but im sure no one will actually have the patience to read this #not even me probably #im going numb again #and im also writing a novel again #hehe writing novel again count throigh the novel #i want ramen #but first #im gonna indulge #happy pride 🌈 #LGBTQ #mint is high

[c0llisiion]

NUMB TO THE FEELING : Concert Sex —J.jk

★pairing: jeon jungkook + f!reader

★genre : smut

★: npr, switch!jk , switch!reader , fellacio , handjob, whiny!jk, idol!jkandreader , dirty talk , cum eating, lots of ‘baby’ usage, its basically jungkook being all whiny idk 💀 – lmk if i missed any!

★W/C: 1,207

Pt.1 , Pt.2 [can be read as a stand alone!]

A/N: HIIIIIIII! Im backkk! I decided to quickly write this lolol (not rlly proud). I didnt intend it to be so switchy jk path but somehow i js ended up there 😭 its kinda short and idk imo but anyways hope you liked this! I might make this a series hehe

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

It was the day of jungkooks fanmeet. The crowd was huge. Fans were screaming out his name over and over again. The arena was so lively. You were deep in the audience, and no one seemed to notice you. You were sitting in the 3rd row with your managers and bodyguards surrounding the seats in front of and beside you. You watched as your boyfriend entertained a crowd of mostly young women. There was a spark of jealousy, but why would you be jealous when you get to fuck him whenever you want?. As the concert went on, vcr’s were played every now and then, but one of them caught your eye. It was a vcr where Jungkook hopped out of his and yours shower. In the same shower, he ate you out till you were shaking. The same shower where you suck his dick as he groans and whines at the way your mouth worked on his dick. The same shower he pushed you against, fucking into you until you blacked out. Thoughts of those steamy days and nights flooded your mind as you watched the vcr.

 

Jungkook had just finished the second-last setlist of the night. You watched him scurry off the stage, removing his clothes in the process. You relaxed and laid back a bit when one of jungkooks staff approached you. “Mr.jeon would like to see you in his dressing room immediately, Ms.y/n”  she said while taking deep breaths. You smirked and nodded before following her. You knew exactly why he called you. You were guided through the backstage area by his staff. People were running rampant, preparing for the next set list. She eventually brought you to Jungkook's dressing room before giggling and leaving. You stared at the door in front of you, contemplating whether to tease him and just leave or give him what he wanted. “Come in already, baby.” A deep voice was heard from inside the room. How the hell did he know? You chuckled before entering his dressing room. "I thought of actually leaving you all hard and-“ jungkook grabbed you by your neck and smashed his lips against yours, cutting your little banter off. His other hand went to your ass, groping the fatty flesh from under your teeny-tiny miumiu skirt. His tongue was inside your mouth as he pressed his hard-on against you. “Fuck– gotta make this quick, baby. God, you look so hot rn.” He mumbled into your mouth as his fingers toyed with your wet pussy. You moaned into his mouth, grinding onto his fingers for more stimulation.

You pushed him away when you felt his fingers pushing inside of your soft walls. He stumbled back a bit and stared at you, confused. “Baby? Whats wrong-“ he got cut off as you pushed him down onto the dressing room couch, immediately taking your place in between his legs. Jungkook smirked at your sudden action before relaxing on the couch, throwing his head back, waiting for your next move. You were kneeling down in front of him as you palmed his erect cock through his jeans. You unzipped his pants and pulled down both his jeans and boxers together. His big, thick cock flung out, hitting his belly, precum already leaking. 

You took the monster in your hands, smearing the pre down his shaft before sucking on his tip. Jungkook let out a loud groan, bringing his hand to your head to push you further down. You slapped his hand away. He stared at you with a confused look and a pout. “You’re being mean-..” he whined. Your hands went up and down his length, slowly pumping it. “Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?” You say it tauntingly. Your hands increased in pace, and jungkook was in another world. His head was thrown back as whimpers after whimpers escaped his mouth. “Look at you. All whiney. You just love it when i tease you, dont you jungkook?” You say before pressing your thumb into his slit. Jungkooks hips bucked up at the sudden action. “Haa…! Nghh- y/n..” he moaned, his eyes looking down at you half-lidded and on the verge of tears as you kept teasing his sensitive tip. “Speak up, baby. What is it?” You ask with a fake sweet tone as you fondle his heavy balls. Pulling and tugging on them before licking up a huge stripe from his balls to his tip. Jungkook whined out loud, his back arching away from the couch. Hands gripping the armrest. “You are so sensitive..” you say, gliding your hands up and down his length faster. “So..so.. sensitive..” wrapping around his dick tighter and pumping him faster. “Haa… fuck so good, y/n… im gonna cum…—“ he says, eyes closed and in a state of bliss. “Yeah? You’re gonna cum? What if I don't let you?” You say before detaching from his cock and watching it twitch in the air. Jungkook whined and cried, missing your soft hands. “Please y/n.. let me cum.. I promise to fuck you good .. “ you loved seeing him be all desperate for your touch. The way he could switch from being a dom to a sub was so surreal. You chuckle at his words and nod. “As you wish…” you say before putting his entire length down your throat. Jungkook moaned out as your throat spasmed around his thick dick. Your head bobbed up and down his length. His hands are pinned down to his sides by your hands, restricting him from touching you. 

Jungkook was a moaning mess. His sweet little mouth let out groans every second as you worked up his length. You felt his dick twitch in your mouth, and before you knew it, a white, salty liquid coated the inside of your mouth and throat. You coughed and gagged around his cock as rope after rope of cum kept slipping down your throat. Spurts of his cum start to peek out the sides of your mouth. You pulled away and swallowed all of it before bringing your hands back to his softening cock, overstimulating the hell out of him. Jungkook shuddered under your touch as he tried pushing you off. “Y/n please.. thats enough..” he said. You smirked at him before continuing to work up and down on his length. He leaned forward and wrapped his hand around your neck, immediately stopping your movements. "Didn't I tell you to stop, doll?” He said he was squeezing the sides of your neck. You nodded and whimpered as his grip on your neck tightened. His hands traveled to your jaw, his fingers wiping away the reminder of his cum that was around your mouth. He stuffed his fingers back into your mouth, and you shamelessly licked off the rest of his cum. He smirked and softly slapped your cheeks. “I fucking love you.” Was all he said before he was cut off by a loud knock on his door.

“Jungkook you are up in 10! Get ready quick!” His manager screamed from the other side. He looked at your kneeling figure before kissing your cum stained lips. “We are not done yet btw” he said, pulling you up before putting his pants back on and exiting his room.

A/N: Ilysmmm! Thank you for reading!!!

#bts #bts reactions #bts smut #bts x reader #bts army #bts fanfic #bts headcanons #bts scenarios #jeon jungkook #jungkook headcanons #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook reaction #jungkook scenarios #bts jungkook #jungkook smut #jungkook #taehyung smut #kpop smut #smut #jeongguk #jeon jungguk

[forlix]

talking ab fallen star cos that fic consumed me when i first read it and consumed me again when i reread it earlier 🤚

firstly the way he kept his promise to bring mc to the airport it really broke me. it's so melancholic like there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one? you can still feel the love he has for t hemin the way he tiredly made his way to drive to their house and to the airport after he came back from his own long flight it honestly makes me insane.

i love how in the car there's this like faint and twisted idea of hope lingering between them. some part of them still longs for the other and it's right there they could just grab the very thing they yearn for but it's incomplete. it's not the same. honestly when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot? and ac i feel like they meant both of them are idiots for allowing themselves to end up in this awkward but necessary situation.

there are some unresolved feelings and unanswered questions while they sit in silence on the way to the airport, but the airport scene™️ gives them both the closure they need. they're not getting back together, no matter how much one might like, but the tension in the car shows a sliver of hope that they would and i feel like it really emanates in your writing and makes me as a reader reader hope for a happier ending as well. also the shaky "fuck" describes my feelings as i read this as well thanks btw 🥲

and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too. the worst part is there's no definitive point where they felt or "became" okay, because like you said, time is the best medicine and gradually mc just healed. but knowing that hyun is okay and has moved on kind of popped a bubble of reserved feelings and its not necessarily sad its just kind of disheartening or numbing?

idk how i started yapping sm lol i read wayyyy into this HAHAHA. i chose to analyze this instead of study for my finals ☝️🤓 but in conclusion, xian i love falling star and its yet another product of ur mindblowing sexy brain i love you so much bby and i js wanna say im so proud of you <3

when i tell u i saw this while studying (also for my finals) and it had my jaw on the floor my head in the clouds i couldn't focus for the LIFE of me afterwards. WDYM YOU WROTE ME AN ESSAY OF UR THOUGHTS ON MY WRITING? IS IT MY BIRTHDAY?? i love you so fucking much omg. thank u for sending this in my lovely star :') putting my VERY ramble-y response under the cut

"there have been broken promises before but hyunjin wouldn't dare end their relationship on another one" is soooo poignantly put and so so so correct. honestly him remembering the day and time of the flight was supposed to be a show of pettiness at first, like "you called me unreliable so here i am bitch" lmfaooo but let's be real you're right on the money with his real intentions. he was literally counting down the days until he had an excuse to see mc again.. he was also worried about the flight being so early and wanted to ensure their safety... AGGHHH not me hurting myself thinking ab this couple 😭

"when mc mutters "idiot" it really made me think like are they calling hyunjin an idiot? or themselves an idiot?" I LOVEEEE LOVE LOVE THIS? god u are a genius i adore you. i totally see this being the case. if i may add, maybe mc thinks they're an idiot because they reciprocate hyunjin's yearning even after everything that's transpired. like inward frustration that there are still feelings there? yeah. ur a genius.

about the slivers of hope after the car scene, i apologize for the lack of a happy ending love </3 the fic was definitely challenging (and saddening) but also refreshing to write. i really wanted to explore a couple that is well and truly doomed bc some of the relationships in our lives are doomed, yaknow? and you can recognize that and still have a lot of love for the person at the same time bc human beings are fucking complicated like that. but please consider this my official justification for posting something so depressing

"and this is all from my own mind but i imagine reader saw a photo or maybe got an invitation to hyun's wedding and they realize he's okay and it makes them reflect on themselves and with a heavy heart they realize theyre okay too." FUCKKKK NOT THE WEDDING PICTURE. this just made me frown irl. if i may add.....again..... what if they physically run into each other and that's how mc knows? at the start of the convo mc kinda feels the familiar stirrings again but it's more out of habit than anything. they talk for a bit and it's really pleasant and mc notices he has a ring on his finger and they realize they feel ✨ nothing ✨ about it anymore. but there's just an inkling of remorse remaining about the whole situation. like a passing thought of "maybe in a different universe we would've made things work"....haha.....fuck. BUT mc is happy hyunjin's happy, and mc is happy to have recovered, and life goes on

as for ur entire last paragraph i might actually cry, i'm so glad you love the fic and i truly do appreciate u taking the time to look into my fic this closely so so so much :'( you keep me going, I MEAN IT

#smothers u with kisses this made my whole life ily #*inbox

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

tw vent[s], ignore this bassically i js wanna yell, it's long, sorry in advanced, you litterally do not need to read this, yadadadadayada

/nbh I feel so numb but at the same time I feel everything so fucking much I'm never sad, i'm deppressed I'm never angry, i'm fucking furious When i'm happy it feels like i'm choking on it but other times the lack of feeling scares me, why can't I be angry at them? Why aren't I sad because of this? Why can't I be happy for this? Why isn't this hurting Everything hurts and nothing can hurt me "Ok." Can make me think someone hates me but i don't feel nearly as hurt when someones yelling at me or doing something that is hurtful I feel stuck, like im repeating the same day but the world still feels like it's moving too fast 4 years ago feels like yesterday one hour feels like an eternity I want to keep everything in but it always comes spewing out I want to hate everyone who has ever done anything to me but i litterally physically cannot bring myself to because I know nobody is born wanting to fuck anyone else up, something has to happen to them. and when I learnt about what happened to them, i knew i couldn't, i litterally could not, for the love of god, hate them. It's easier for me to hate god, he's not real, he's supposed to be infalible, he has no regrets, he's okay to hate because he CAN help but is doing nothing, and he won't get any pushback from anyone. but everyone else around me seems to love that bitch, especially those who have been wronged the most by him, i litterally can't fucking get it Gonna sign out for a bit, maybe tommmorow aswell, love yall, take care of yourselves please

#tw vent #vent post #bye #until tommorow or after tmrw

[nightmaredxydreams]

theres no way i have this.

look, heres all the proof you need. im whining about not having DID lmao

who truly has DID and does that? no. body. thats all the proof you need

people who truly dissociate suffer from it. i dont. i love the numbness from my body that experiences so much discomfort (not even chronic pain not even pain like all other DID systems have just fucking discomfort, mostly caused by autism hypersensitivity) i love the feeling of being detached from my own flesh prison ugly undesirable embarassing body. i am fucking faking im prob psycho or sum shit lmaooo

i dont even dissociate that badly. other real DID and even OSDD systems be out here so dissociated they dont even fuckin know their name and feel like nothings real all the time. i never forget my name or personal information, i just forget what i just thought or zone out daydreaming or sum shit and say "whoops! i dissociated sorry" or if im lucky, have few seconds long derealization in little few day long episodes. i dont even fucking dissociate for real. definitely not enough to have DID

i never had severe trauma. i was too disabled and shielded. fuck, the disabilities i was born with prob mimic DID. brain damage to the hippocampus, a majorly affected part of the brain in DID put two and together lmao. who knows how psycho the brain damage made me. im autistic and intellectually disabled, all people with intellectual disability are perverts they get arrested for sex crimes more than other people lmfao ofc i was hypersexual at 3 there was no sexual abuse i am too ugly to be sexually abused or even desired ofc im faking being sexually abused to make me feel better about myself lmfaooo i just cant live with the fact i was born a worthless undesirable unfuckable ugly pervert

if i had DID i wouldnt fucking remember when i was 3 who tf u kiddin

im sensitive to yelling and the least little "threatening" tone or touch or even fucking hand signal. if i was really sexually abused id be triggered by sexual shit, not the least little thing like a trauma free scared little baby

if i had DID id switch out more, especially when triggered or in situations where it would help. idk if i even switch out, i prob js fall asleep, wake up and do shit in the early stages of waking up i dont remember. instead my alters are just back there and do nothing when im being retraumatized and i have to call out mentally loudly to get any alters to respond anymore. then just trying to communicate with them gives me a headache from hell. proof enough my alters are delusions and im some psycho. most of my "alters" are just vague faces with voices and not much of identity. most of them fade away. just like delusions.

i feel like im worthless unless i was sexually abused. my whole worth depends on it for some fucked up reason. i will get defensive toward the two people i live with who say it didnt happen, they arent honest all the time but when they say theres no chance it happened bc i was too shielded even tho i have memories of being alone w him (no abuse memories bc fuck no) i believe it and feel iffy when i even wonder if i was sexually abused. when i think about any other form of abuse i suffered or trauma i have, i feel like that means i wasnt sexually abused. i have no memories of it, i never did until someone pointed out that my hypersexuality at 3 was a sign of sexual abuse so i went diving for the memories myself. then what i got were a few random half ass flashbacks to the sexual abuse. if i was really sexually abused i wouldve had flashbacks to it waaay before i made myself remember. everyone else with ptsd, did osdd etc does

other people with DID feel broken and suffer because of their trauma. they remember it somehow and suffer from the effects of it. i just suffer from wanting to have the trauma to be valid, not knowing if the trauma happened and having things trauma victims have but no memories of the trauma. the only flashbacks i have are to things i deserve, things that other people would agree i deserve and arent anywhere near as traumatizing as it can get for a real sexual abuse survivor. things that dont cause DID and rarely cause ptsd. i have cringe ass trauma. i dont have valid trauma.

i dont really have DID and i wasnt sexually abused. i just held onto the idea as an excuse for me being a worthless, born broken, jealous, delusional psycho pervert who will never amount to anything, never matter enough to get a job, marry or have a family, never mattered enough to be smart or do normal kid things because of my disabilities, never got to be cool and wont be, am trying to be cool and matter when i never will, am so ugly my body doesnt deserve love and sure as fuck wasnt sexually desired as a little kid how fucking sick of me to even want that to matter, and dont matter because of my disabilities. im sorry for faking it all. no wonder my denial was so strong, it was never real anyway. now im gonna do some major fucking harm to my ugly waste of space and resources body and kill myself. im fucking sick and tired of living in hell from my own brain torturing me saying im worthless and not valid and more i cant say here. good fucking bye.

#childhood trauma #suicide note ig #attention wh0r3 #tw vent

[stoned-r0mantic]

Istg shes gonna leave me. Im too much. Im not enough. Im too insecure. Im the worst bf. I get angry bc she'll never do things for me like i do for her. I'd do anything just to hang out with her. But she won't do that. But it's fine! I'll just sit in bed and cry while i wait for her to respond to my texts and want to call! Like always! I'll wait like a dog even though it feels like you dont even want me anymore! Doesn't matter how much i need to call bc ur not feeling it! /gen! but it's fine. No one will ever love me the way i love them. i don't want to live anymore. I just want to fucking kms so i dont have to live in this miserable world. I cant leave them but i physically cant stand being alive anymore i just cant. Its become too goddamn much. I cant wait two more years anymore i just cant i want to die i hate codependency. I hate my fake fucking friends. Whsts the point of living? Theres no fucking point to life. Why should i stay alive for others when they dont even seem to care enough to hang out with me once in a while. Im so pissed off at everyone. Im so close to just ghosting everyone and killing myself. I cant stand this constant heartsche anymore. I can't stand not calling every single day. Or not calling at all basically. Its selfish. But i can help it. If you cant handle how needy i am then dont fucking be with me. I want to leave her before she has the chance to leave me. Im splitting and i dont want to be mad at her. I dont want to hurt her. I dont want to leave her. But this relationship makes me so much worse and i hate this version of myself. I hate being vunerable. Boys dont fucking cry. I shouldnt be fucking crying.

Just leave me already so i can kms and not have anyone upset about it. I can't stay clean. Hell, i can't even NOT lash out. You say i'm "a good person".. but *I* know I'm the worst fucking person. If only you knew what went on in my head. If only you knew how i feel 24 fucking 7. Pictures of brutally murdering people just because they pissed me off. Sadness turning into outright hatred for someone. Paranoia. All the fucking tme. Just needing destruction and chaos in my life. Not csring abiut anyone but myself. Thoughts of manipulating people js bc i can and its so easy to do. constant numbness. I dont wanna be toxic. I dont want to be. But these thoughts get so hard to ignore. I dont wsnt to hate her but if she doesnt change some things soon im gonna stsrt splitting. Devaluing. If you cant call me at least once or twice a week then we shouldn't even be tg. Ive told you. Time and fucking time again. I need calling. Yet you still STILL fucking dont call. I love you so much it hurts me. Ill wait for you forever. Just step all over me and tear my heart out, we both know I dont have the strength to leave you. I'll just self sabotage until you decide im too unstable to be with. Leave me. Abandon me.

#bpd vent #rant post #personal vent #fp bpd #you dont love me #im sorry #bpd splitting

[inmaki]

I'm also the "I listen to everything" type of person lmaoo, but atm my favs r prb indie pop (Whatsaheart), aesthetic rap (I rec Ash keash and af1) and regular rap!

i listened to whatsaheart js now ooooh!! their songs r interesting, not playlist worthy for me but i definitely liked 'i feel better when im numb', would listen again :0 IM GONNA LISTEN TO THE OTHER TWO LATER I PROMISE!! ty for the recs ily <3

#inmaki

[agi-ppangx]

I feel like i wanna cry, but idk the motive. like js simply wrap my hands around my knees and cry? idk why but life has been feeling so frustrating and like.. sometimes i wonder whether I'll be able to still keep up w the world bcs everyone around me is perfectly fine, everyone has other irl friends and here am I, js sitting in the corner bcs of my antisocial ass that is too scared to talk bcs i always feel like ppl would judge me. and then, i can't talk abt this to others bcs it makes me feel stupid, so I'd rather cry. but i can't cry for wtv the reason is bcs tears js don't come and then im frustrated bcs of that too. and I js wanna be in my bed, sleeping and that's it. like.. idk im tired

-🐺

im so so sorry my love, i wish i could hug you right now :(

but unfortunately i kind of relate to you, bc i majorly fucked up yesterday but instead of crying i feel as if i've gone completely numb, as if everything doesnt mean anything anymore :/

also, i know it wont do much, but please if you feel comfortable and you need to vent dm me and pour everything there, im not the best with words and with making people better, but im here for you and i wont leave you alone<3

#also youre not stupid anonnie #your emotions are valid #and its okay to not feel too well #im here for you love #youre not alone<3 #- 🍄𖥻 [ answers ] #- 📨𖥻 [ 🐺 anon ]

[hvghes]

mm am i really content that im not made for love bc of my past relationship or am i js numb to it!!

[darling-i-read-it]

the entire american government js so fuckin stupid😭like. roe v wade protected interracial marriage. one of the men on the senate is in a interracial marriage. bros fucking himself over

bestie its ridiculous. at this point i feel like im numb to whatever i hear from politicians these days. its so disappointing but absolutely not surprising.

[fornina444]

udk how much my mind is running right now of what ure doing now. idk what ure doing and everyrhinf else. im really tryinf. trying my best like really. to put this mind off is really hard for what happend today. i love you so deep that i start to think of things that idk if wud happend. mayb im js scared of being hurt again. but i js wan be numb with the pain. idk what u did today. its crazy. because even when im single now. i still choose u all over again idky. i can choose to talk to anyone but i didnt . bwcayse i want u. and talk to u. idk wtf is going really. i js wish really. u js talk to me. idw any lies anymore. idw any hide js cuz ut wud hurt my feelings. i wan to know. idw to look stupid so i wan to know everything. so js please.

[straightjacket111]

honestly. it js keeps cominf back and forth. im tired of thinking wether i was enough. did i deserve dat and everything else. hanging out with friends at night doesnt really help me anymore. being out alone doesnt help anymore. drinking and smoking doesnt help anymore. it doesnt help me to stop thinking anymore. ive never this cried much in my life before and honestly it hurts really bad. all the flashbacks and everything else. all the pain js flows into me like rivers . its like im slowly dying . dying inside js wanting to be happy . im always wondering wether i deserve happines but idk. idk after what happen like everything else. everything js feels numb u know. where physical pain doesnt feel like pain anymore. so numb from head to toe. my whole body is js shit . and im so tired . i coudlnt even sleep well anymore because of all the past nightmares ive been thru. im not complaining but i just wan to be happy. i want peace . where i dont remember a single thing where im just okay like how use to. where talking to friends is easier instead of being quiet most of the time because of my mind is running. im getting tired because of my own mind. it wont shut up and its tiring where sleeping doesnt even work where i'll wake up feeling tired again. speed doesnt feel like speed anymore. the faster i get the more i feel like its slow. why is it slow. why is everything that im going thru is slow. pleasee. i need myself back. i really ned myself back.

[c0llisiion]

NUMB TO THE FEELING — j.jk

♡pairing : jjk + fem!reader

♡: not proof read, exs, idol!jungkook x idol!reader , fwb kinda? , smut , mutual masturbation - lmk if i missed any!

W/C : 1,162

Pt.2 , Pt.3

A/N : SORRY 4 DISAPPEARING AGAINNNNN! i js got too busy guys 😣😣😣😣 rqs are open! Send in your rqs and prompts ily <33 anyways here is a jk fic i wrote instead of finishing my other jk fic :3

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ MDNI. Please refrain from reading if the topics make you uncomfortable. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

2 months. Its been 2 months since you broke it off with jungkook. It was all over the news, a hot topic for the k media. ‘BTS’s Jungkook and Y/G/N’s y/n ends 4 year relationship’, was still trending on naver. It happened so quickly. Knets are already placing the blame on you for the breakup, as they view you as a mean rebel idol who breaks hearts and messes around. A face of disgust was plastered on your face as you scroll through the endless amounts of hate comments knets put under the articles.

“Wow I always knew she was a bitch”

“She definitely cheated on him with another idol lol”

“What do you expect when you date a wh*re? Jungkook should have never dated her”

“She ruined his image”

Back and forth, people were calling you degrading names and putting Jungkook in a good light. They said all of this while not knowing a single thing about how your breakup unfolded. It was mutual. You both started getting busy with schedules. That simple. Maybe a few disagreements here and there. Maybe a few trust issues but the main point was it was mutual and you both broke up because of schedules. You got tired of the same comments and decided to turn off your phone but you got a new notification.

baby star candy 🤍

Hey

Tf is he doing at this hour?

Y/n

???

baby star candy 🤍

Is it okay if i come over?

Classic jungkook. Getting straight to the point. You stared at the text for a while not realising that you were leaving him on seen.

My baby star candy 🤍

Helloooooo?????

Its fine if you dont want me to

Y/n

Yes. Quick.

You sent your reply before his second text got to properly load. And there you were. Your phone turned off, biting your nails as you waited for jungkook.

It didn't take him a lot of time. Reaching your place in under 7 minutes and 13 seconds. You heard your doorbell and you immediately rushed to the door. You stood at the door for some time, avoiding the impression that you were eagerly anticipating his arrival.

You opened the door and see the tall bulky black haired man with his calvin klein hoodie and grey shorts. You stared at him before he brought you back to reality by snapping his fingers. You let him in before locking the door. You grabbed him by his wrists and took him upstairs to your room.

He quickly settled in your bed letting out a deep sigh, Relaxing and stretching his limbs out onto the bed. His arm was tucked behind his head as he patted the empty space next to him with half lidded eyes. You rolled your eyes before snuggling with him. Your tv was on and playing a random tv show you put almost an hour ago, forgetting to it turn off. You sighed and relaxed into his arm. The silence was comfortable. Jungkook was playing with the hems of shorts and you with the drawstrings of his shorts. You knew where this would lead to.

His hands started slowly massaging your thighs and ass in a comforting way. Its like he knew you were sad. And he did. “Im sorry” he spoke up. You looked up at him. His eyes were focused on the tv infront. “Im sorry about those comments. I should have said somethin’.” He said finally looking down at you. You shook your head and nuzzled into him closer “dont be. Its not your fault. Tbh i really dont gaf.” He chuckled at your attitude. He always liked your idgaf attitude. That’s what made him ask you out. “So you are not sad?” He asked his hands trailing up your shirt, cold fingers resting under your tits. “Hmm i was but then there is no reason for me to be. Maybe we should upload one of our sextapes to show those bitchy knets and completely appall them..” you giggled thinking about their reaction. Jungkook sighed and chuckled. “Yeah? Which one? Our old ones or the one we are gonna make rn?” His cold fingers squeezed your bare tits and tugged on your hard nipples. You hissed at the feeling. He grabbed your hand using his other hand and started using yours to rub himself through his shorts. He let out a soft groan throwing his head back. You bit your lip as you felt his hand lower into your shorts, quickly taking your sensitive bud in between his fingers, tugging it gently. You gasped and held onto his wrists as he continued abusing your bud. He was growing harder and harder because of your hands and the unholy sounds you let out every time he flicked your clit. You put your hands into his shorts and wrapped your fingers around his dick. Your movements were restricted by his shorts which opted you to pull his dick completely out. You stared at it. Oh how much you missed that monster. “Quit staring baby..” you felt yourself melt as he inserts two fingers into your sopping hole. A loud squelch was heard when he started fingering you. Your hands lazily worked up and down his shaft. Small spurts of precum already leaking out of his red tip. You picked up your pace and so did he. You twisted your wrists around his tip. You knew how sensitive he was there and continued. His eyes were squeezed shut as soft moans left his mouth. He started choking on them as he felt your hands squeeze around his length. God the way you had this man under your control with Just your hands was insane. He was quick to return the favour as two more fingers were added. His thumb rested on your clit rubbing it in circles furiously as he fucked your cunt with his long fingers. Loud noises accompanied by yours and his moans were the only sounds heard in the room. Your vision went white as you finally reached your end. Squirting all over his hands and wetting your shorts as well as your sheets. You let out choked out moans and your back arched off of the bed.

“Attagirl…” jungkook said with furrowed eyebrows as he kept finger fucking you. Your hand movements got sloppy which prompted jungkook to thrust into your hands. You picked up pace which made jungkook stiffen. You knew his orgasm was close from the his facial expressions and his voice. You stared at his face as you watch your ex boyfriend come undone under your grasp. He let out a final gasp before cumming all over your hands. You slowed down your movements finally letting go of his softening cock before bringing your fingers to your mouth, licking all his salty cum clean, staring deeply into his brown eyes.

Only you had him like this. No other woman will never come to your level ever.

A/n : HEHEHE sex tape part 2? 🤭🤭🤭🤭 ALSO SORRY FOR THE USAGE OF BABY STAR CANDYAJJEKAJWJA I JS HAD TOOOOOO

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