#im honestly rlly embarrassed but i couldnt help it?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lamestteenagegirlever · 4 months

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as a book reader i ADORE the series but if theres one thing i love more than anything is seeing baby percabeth from an unbiased perspective bc theyre so cute but also percy is so LAME like hes so embarrassing i love him. like in the books hes just like yeah i think she looks like a princess and we only hear his internal thoughts so i LOVEEE actually seeing how awkward he is with his crush on annabeth.

its so cute and i honestly think pretty important for the viewers because it rlly helps to drive how young they all are and how insane it is that theyre being put in these crazy situations. like his dorky face when annabeth smiled when he started singing the consensus song? his voice cracking after annabeth laughed at his potty joke?? the look of brief panic on his face when he realized grover saw the face he was making when he hugged annabeth back followed by the really awkward smile??? THE WAY HE WAS THINKING ABOUT THE FACT THAT A PRETTY GIRL HUGGED HIM FOR SEVERAL DAYS STRAIGHT AND SAW ANNABETH WAS ACTING WEIRD SO HE ASSUMED SHE WAS DOING THE SAME BUT SHE HAD ACTUAL SERIOUS STUFF TO WORRY ABOUT SO HE JUST ENDED UP TELLING ON HIMSELF???? LIKE THAT IS ACTUALLY SO EMBARRASSING I WAS DYING WATCHING THAT PART. THE WAY HE INDIRECTLY ASKED HER ON A MOVIE DATE AND WOULDNT MAKE EYE CONTACT EXCEPT FOR A MILLISECOND TO SEE HER REACTION BEFORE DARTING HIS EYES AWAY SO FAST????? THE TUNNEL OF LOVE SCENE OVERALL?????? THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER LIKE YOU CAN LITERALLY SEE THAT HIS PUPILS ARE DILATED IN A GOOD COUPLE OF SCENES WHEN HES LOOKING AT HER LIKE THIS LITTLE BOY IS DOWN ASTRONOMICALLY HE IS SO FUCKING LAME. like we obviously knew the way they were both ready to sacrifice their lives for eachother in a heartbeat and how well they complimented one another and the way they changed each others world views and made the other strive to be better versions of themselves like ive known they were the blueprint since like literally 2nd grade like that didnt stop me from repeatedly bawling my eyes out over it but thats not the point. like we knew this and we could see it in the books but we couldnt see, or at least not fully see, how big of a stupid embarrassing crush percy had on annabeth and how she obviously feels the same way but is better at hiding it like oh my god i love them i wanna squeeze them until their eyes pop out like those old pens at the scholastic book fair do yall remember those?? im sorry guys im so autistic pjo and specifically percabeth has been my special interest since i was 7 and now 10 years later i get to watch them on tv in an adaptation WITH YOUNG RYAN REYNOLDS ARYAN SIMHADRI AND THE ONE AND ONLY MISS LEAH JEFFRIES thats almost entirely book accurate but also adds in fun stuff that works great in the plot and for the most part even better than the original scenes in the books bc the show is how rick would write the series NOW with all of his new gained writing experience like im actually going to explode the show is so good

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #percabeth #percy pjo #percy and annabeth #annabeth chase #leah is my annabeth #leah is our annabeth #grover underwood

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calciferstims · 2 years

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lmaoo got real clever with the emojis there!

no worries! take your time answering, not like im being any quicker myself lol.

the only pirate theme thing im sort of watching on and off that has me sort of interested is one piece. lmfao yep animooo! i legit dont really watch anything else but anime aha. go watch it you too! it only has over 1k+ episodes and counting lool.

LOL...3 TIMES as long? damn. what the hell was going on? give the masses the fucking deets or something. 😅 "I have no idea what con o’neill was doing but I know what he’s capable of" pff LMAO 😂 what if that was what he kept doing? just going awkwardly as long as he could ooooo daddyyyyy and he just couldnt help himself? OOOOO...PAAAAAAAADREEEEE. shiver ma timbers!

AHA WHAT??? was NOT what i had thought it was going to be, okay okay i legit thought it was going to be..uh...sexier? lmfao its just what i had in mind. when he was done he legit looked like he came to his senses loll.

israels whole wiki is a tad bit...weird. it's not really able to state time of death or location either, which may be understandable? its kinda funny how izzy is portrayed as a 55 year old when apparently israel was like....in his 20's or something. lol...

i wish there was a capybara emoji tbh! now that'd be litty titty.

honestly i was kind of waiting for you to maybe realise that "hol up...is this the same person?" and then boom, ye did haha.

hope ye having a good day too and have enjoyed your weekend!

sorry dumb as all hell but what do you mean with him holding back?

~🐨

ok I hi I took ten years again sorry 😔 imma start putting the rest under the cut bc I don’t wanna shove my long ass replies on everyone’s dash all the time 😅

ohhh one piece???? Ok but like. It feels funny to me that I have definitely heard that name many times and yet somehow still have ZERO clue what it’s actually about. Like actually none. Net zero information. You could literally give me any random, made-up plot of the show and I would be like ‘yeah sure that checks out’. I would have no way of knowing otherwise 😂

AND YEAH EXACTLY. I WANNA KNOW WHAT TF HE WAS DOING. PLEASE RELEASE THE FORBIDDEN TAKES LMAOODHF

ok so you saying ‘ooohh padre’ is SO cursed but it just reminded me of something even fucking worse I found recently 😔😔 I actually thought ‘oh I NEED to show 🐨 anon this IMMEDIATELY’ SHDGHHF. It’s a fucking. The f. The French dub. Of that scene. It’s so fucking bad. It makes the original scene feel like a pleasant dream with how embarrassing the French version is by comparison. I found it at like 3am at night and had a breakdown. please share my pain.

LIKE WHY DOES HE FUCKING SOUND LIKE THAT. WHY. I HATE IT SO MUCH PLEASE SHDHH IT TOOK ME SEVERAL TRIES TO MUSTER THE STRENGTH TO VIEW THE WHOLE THING I KEPT PAUSING IT LMAOO

and on that note DGDGH PLS. NO IT IS NOT SEXY. not one bit it is thee most embarrassing scene ever. he’s a humiliating little man. I love him. He’s so dumb.

and yeah that’s very much what I’m talking about when I say I wish we knew more about him!!! Like…. Israel Hands was rlly walkin around being a PIRATE at my age????? Like I’m pretty sure Blackbeard gave him his own ship when he was like, 17, which is just wild to me. Who was he…. I must know….

damn we do need a capybara emoji ur so right…. Somebody get on that 😤

and to answer your question!! I just… I know con o’neill and I feel like he could do something much worse than the daddy scene if he wanted to 😂😂 he has so much weird horny freak power contained within him…… you don’t even know…

Honestly I WANT him to do something worse in season 2. I want him to outdo himself. I think he’s capable of it 😌

#HI HOPE UR HAVIN A GOOD DAY TOO #ask box #this just makes me think of that incredible video that’s like ‘izzy hands freak compilation’#and it’s just. a collection of lil freak moments except they get exponentially worse as the video goes on #there’s some intense classical music in the background and very funny commentary it cracks me up #there’s like different stages. the worst part is the daddy scene isn’t even the highest stage on the freak scale….

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bebeselene · 1 year

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Small life update

A super nice and cheap gym is opening soon and its super close to me, im so excited but terrified at the same time. On one hand im excited to be able to have access to the necessary tools to get into shape, but on the other ive never had access to a gym and im terrified of people. Idk how like any of the equipment works, im fat and out of shape so its just embarrassing, and i already have social anxiety:/ im just aaaa… i work tomorrow so i need to get to sleep but i rlly wanna start planning my routine.

An uneducated idea of my goals

I mostly wanna work on glutes and legs, even tho i do like looking at thinspo w small thighs, I honestly love thick thighs and wanna keep mine, i just need them to be a wee bit smaller and more defined, also i want a fat ass, my ass looks ok from a side angle but because i dont work out its just not it from the back <\3 i need alot more definition there. I wanna avoid getting alot of arm and shoulder mass, i need those small and dainty pls and thank you

People say cardio is good for weightloss then other people say its not, i guess it just depends in the person so ill start out trying cardio and after ab three or four weeks see if its helping at all, all tho most days i will be walking to and from the gym so i may skip most cardio on those days since ill be getting alot anyways

I wanna be more flexible, im honestly pretty flexible rn which im happy ab but i wanna be more flexible, ive always loved gymnastics but my family couldnt afford it <\3 i did it for a little bit as a child and wld sometimes go to open gym sessions but that ab it,, i learned some tricks on my own but id live to learn more and go to parkour / gymnastics places for fun :).

I know its like just a trend rn but id live to get into pilates or however u spell it, that or just some yoga, itd help with definition and flexibility 😎

Rn im only working 3 days a week and tbh im fine w keeping it like that, every other day can be a gym day, itd keep me busy and out of the house so im less likly to binge. Just aaa im so excited. I will have my dream body super soon and now that i have my oen money i can get my own safe foods. Im genuinly so happy ab it. Not to mention this job has given me sm validation ngl, a few guys have flirted w me and asked for my number/insta/snap. And ik its toxic but my boyfriend getting jealous is also validating 😭😭 i dont go out of my way to make him jealous or anything, but when it happens it makes me feel loved 💀

#tw weighloss #weightloss #not pr0 ana #just ed shit #pro recovery #tw #not pr0 just using tags #eating problems #tw bmi #an0rexi4 #ana #just ed stuff #tw ana thoughts #th1nsp1r4t10n #th1n$po #4n0r3x14

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smol-grey-tea · 3 years

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I was gonna write the romo attraction thing today but honestly i dont feel like doing it bc im just rlly upset about smth that im sure a lot of ppl can relate to

So my irl friend groups are very... well they dont know much about these kinds of things, i had to be a walking encyclopaedia for them about my identities like nb stuff bc they didn't bother to just... look it up.

When i told them i was trans they would say "omg are you actually trans?? I have a trans best friend!!" Yikes

Instead they would ask me to explain it. Which is fine, i kinda hate having to explain for the 5th time that no, using the correct terms and pronouns is not a fucking burden, and that yes, dysphoria is awful and wont just magically go away.

and when i tell them to yk, not use pronouns for me and just use my name instead, not 1 person did that. They just... misgendered me and used she/her when i explicitly told them that it makes me dysphoric. I then told them to use coo/coos/cooself instead bc i quite like it, but they still didnt use it.

Then i gave up and told them to use they/them since it doesnt make me dysphoric even tho i lowkey hate it. They still misgender me but said "they'll try to get used to it". Its not that hard guys what the actual fuck???

Anyway, i was actually going to talk about aspec stuff. So i only told one of them that i was demiromantic demisexual, and they said "wtf is that" which yk is not a nice way to react to someone coming out, but i have thick skin so i just explained it bc again they couldnt bother to search it, and they said "ok ig" and changed the subject when i wanted to explain my attraction???? I've never had anyone that i could talk to about my complicated feelings with being aspec and just when i thought i could i was shut down.

I thought it was over and done with, until they started to... ignore my fucking identity??? Which i would say is way more important and personal to me than my bisexuality??? They never did any of that bs with my bisexuality probably bc they were pansexual themself, but jfc is it that hard to not make jokes about me being horny or having a crush or joking about setting me up on blind dates??? It legit made me so uncomfortable and i have no idea what to say.

Bc remember, they didnt exactly respect my pronouns and kept using gendered terms to refer to me even more after i came out??? I swear it feels like its on purpose every time they called me a girl but whatever

Istg they forgot that im demi bc they keep making these jokes and ignoring that i dont feel sexual or romantic attraction like that and keep acting as if i want to date ppl or fuck them when i say they look pretty??? I spent way too fucking long mistaking my aesthetic attraction for sexual for ppl to once again reinforce this idea and im done with it. Please for the love of god stop it.

I said i liked wilbur and thought he was rlly cute and they then proceeded to, you guessed it, act like im in love with him or that i want to fuck him. First of all, hes a real person on the internet that i do not know, 2nd of all, fucking eww, and 3rd of all, hes a whole ass adult and we r both in high school. Yikes again.

Ofc i didnt tell them these things and just said that i dont like him that way and just thought he was pretty and nothing else. They completely ignored this and thought i was just embarrassed or smth or that i was in denial. Yikes again again.

So yeah. The only lesson i learned is to never come out as aspec to anyone irl ever again. Tbh i kinda want to tell them that im not bi and that i dont feel any kind of attraction. It would be a lie but christ i wish they would stop. They can validate my bisexuality but not my nb or aspec identities? I knew that queer sexualities were more normalized now which is awesome but why cant they do that for trans ppl or aspecs? Why does it have to stop there?

Sorry for venting like this but i thought this might be relatable for yall. Ive never had the experience of feeling "broken" bc of any of my identities, im very confident in them. I just wish other ppl other than my online friends would feel the same.

Also sorry for delaying the romo attraction thingy i just rlly dont feel like it rn. Idk when i will write it but hopefully if i feel better i will finish it today

There's no pressure to write it up dude it's cool :) whenever you're ready ❤

And those ppl do not sound like good friends- idk exactly how old you are but ik I'm older, and I can tell you for certain that you will find better friends one day. It's guaranteed :) they don't deserve your friendship and I am glad to validate and help you in any way you need ❤❤

Yee I've never felt broken either! I think an element of that is that I thought I was allo for a very long time? But on the other hand I was bullied in my childhood for not having attraction so idk why that hasn't manifested into a phobia of romance but eh I'm better off this way whether it makes sense or not.

It makes me happy as well cuz a lot of ppl in the community seem very pessimistic abt how we're treated but it's nice to know that not all of us feel broken cuz the 2 of us are living examples of that :)

But unfortunately yeah, your experiences above are things many ppl can relate to. I'm sure almost everyone can remember a time where they came out to someone and weren't met with good responses,,

Let this be a reminder that this is not right and we deserve more support for something so personal. Even if you don't understand someone's identity that doesn't give you the right to dismiss or ignore them. Our identities are very important and personal to us and supporting them is basic respect.

#my post #ask #long post #lgbtq #aspec #aroace #aroacespec #non binary #transgender #neutralitea #transphobia tw #aphobia tw #acephobia tw #arophobia tw #swearing cw

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leossmoonn · 3 years

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ok what do i do when i have a crush on a rlly close friend but ik for a fact they dont like me in that way? bc i feel like im going insane lol

omg hi anon. im really honoured u came to me about this. but honestly i literally dont know what to tell you 😭

ive had crushes on my close friends before, one of them and i even dated. we’re still friends too. and one time i told one of my friends i liked them and they said they liked me too, but we never did anything about it? (wish we did though lmfao) ok anyways

honestly i think if you like them but you dont want to get hurt, embarrassed, and rejected i would try to distance yourself from them. try focusing on yourself more, or even someone else!

or you can tell them “i like you, but i know you dont like me. its just been killing me though, and i just though i should let you know because we’re close friends” and if they’re really youre friend theyll say “thank u, but i dont like you like that. but id still like to continue being friends”

if they start giving you shit abt it, just leave its not worth it.

but, i think you should go with the first option because it’s the safest.

again im really sorry i couldnt help very much :(. but whenever i try to get over someone i usually distance myself from them. or i even think of all the bad things about them and that usually works? but i dont suggested doing that bc that might ruin your image of them.

anyways, i hope my advice works?? if anyone has any advice, pls share bc i guarantee itll more helpful than mine. i wish you well in whatever you decide anon! stay safe <3

#anon <3 #ask #im sorry my advice is ass lol

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

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So on the last day of july i went clubbing

Almost immediately met a cute boy and he asked me to go to a hotel with him. I debated but ultimately went with him. He asked if i wanted to go on a date because fucking japanese assholes equate date with hotel.

Went. Hooked up. Then. He said he wanted to go back to the club because otherwise “it would be a waste of his night”

Yeah

So... went back.... watched him look for another girl. And felt like shit

Eventually a boy that was ok looking talked to me. I didnt ignore him and he got excited over me talking to him after having ignored other boys. I didnt intend to continue talking to him but he was so excited the entire time and was nice so i just stayed with him.

We left together and sat on some sidewalk and talked. I saw that both his arms had cut marks all over them

And as a fucked up person... i stupidly think that other fucked up people will be as empathetic as i try to be and my depressed friends back home

He told me some of his shitty homelife - apparently he doesnt have parents

He asked me to go to a hotel with him and i said no... so we went to eat instead...

He kept being overly nice (in words) told me that he works at an old folks home and that he wants to learn english and come to america and help me take care of my mom.... in a sudden way

Rationally im not stupid and know that was a line. But im pretty stupid in general

He kept asking me to be his gf and i told him id need to go on a date with him to decide that

I just wanted to say no but...

He didnt pay for my meal - ya im one of those girls that that bothers

We seperated and he continued to text my the next few days. We set up a date. He asked me to go to him in yokohama - an hour away from tokyo

Since id never been there i said yes. But this meant i had to pay an expensive train ticket

He did pay for dinner and afterwards convience store for me... mostly... asking if i had change

He wanted to drink at the pier and insisted i get a drink but didnt pay for it

And then took me back to his apartment

It ended up being fun

The next morning while he was showering i was just poking around at his stuff. Not actually looking for anything just curious about the things he has

I looked at his wallet (honestly to see the design but i also always wonder why japanese guys are so comfortable leaving money around who is generally a stranger)

And then. I found. Picture from a photobooth. Him amd soem girl. It was dated from a week before.

He told me the night we met that he broke up with his ex a year ago. But this picture looked very much like a couple

I asked him about it and he just said sorry and threw it in the trash (not a real trash. It could easily be taken out) he said it was from a year ago

After. Bit i took it out amd pointed at the date. He literally hummed and refused to comment ...but he told me hell only see me...

I shouldn’t take that as enough but i did and told him when i got home that ill only se him too. I told him i liked him - and to this point he kept saying he likes me over and over. He has not said it since this. Just said he was happy that i used his name.

After that i went to okinawa for a few days. He told me his sim card broke and he doesnt have wifi unless he goes to a convience store (as an excuse to text slow)

I got back the next week and stayed home all week from a yeast infection that i think he gave me. When he barely responded i told him that

Then he responded continuously telling me that i just got it on my own and hes healthy so it wasnt him

That weekend i went drinking with some friends and messaged him. He responded immediately and i called him. Asking when his phone got fixed. He told me the day before

Then he told me he has pink eye and sent a picture. He said he cant go out of his house because of it

The next week was my birthday. He said hed be cured the day after and we could celebrate. Then he cancelled saying the doc told him hes still contagious

A few days after he sent me a picture of him with makeup on and contacts in saying he went to the salan. I responded immediately asking if he was still contagious and tried to call. He ignored me

I tried to call more throughout the day

Nothing

Over 24 hours pased so i used another account to say hi to him. After 2 hours he responded to the fake account asking who it was

And i flipped the fuck out. I told him a bunch of reasons why he sucked and that he did and fuck him

Then he responded to me with long messages. Many of which i couldnt understand (hes used incorrect kanji before that which makes translation strained)

His excuse was that he felt sick and slept for 20 hours (but he ignored me for over 27)and that he wanted to answer his texts in order. That he doesnt look at him phone much and then got mad at me for not being worried about him and instead getting mad

He didnt addresss any of my complaints like the fact that if im his gf i should be a priority

But because im a sucked i felt bad for trying to hurt him and apologized.... he said hed forgive me if i buy him an accessory next time we hung out...

Yeah. Red flags. I too if i had other options... would have said. Thats a weird way to accept an apology.

Also before (on that first date) when we talked about our bdays cause his was a bit before mine. I asked him what hed wanna do as a late celebration. He immediately told me he wanted yakiniku (an expensive meat meal) and clothes or accessorys from an expensive brand he likes...

So he continued to take over 24 hours to reply to me. With very small responces - he never asks me questions. I asked him to call the night before i went camping and he said he couldnt because he was too drunk from drinking with friends. I went camping and came back and got him on the phone. I demanded him to call and he said he couldnt cause he was tired from work and would the following day

I told him it makes me upset that he doesnt talk to me and that i constantly dont feel good because of him. He just said sorrry. I planned to say this is over if he didnt agree to meet me. But he agreed to a date the coming sunday... the day before i began work again. He said hed come to tokyo and and had a plan. It sounded fun.

Well come sunday morning.... he cancelled. He said he didnt have money. I tried to call him several times and he ignored me.

I confronted him in person. He got mad at me for it. Said he got some sort debt collection and got frauded... someone used his name to take out money and he has to pay court. He said he doesnt have money because of it.

I asked why he never tells me whats going on with him (because im dumb and beleive this... actually i dont. I hope hes being honestly and just has really bad luck but)

This time like last time i told him the way he treats me is how really awful boys who are using me and playing with me treat me. And i cant trust him if hes like this but doesnt tell me why

Well...i was there... i offered to pay for out date.... besides the 11 dollars it takes to get to him

He asked me to put 5 dollars on his train card.... it takes 3 dollads to get to and from where we went. He... mad sure no matter where we would eat it would cost 40 bucks - wanting to drink alc and such. It costed 43 dollars. He wanted starbucks but i kinda said no by saying i dont rlly like starbucks - but he still wanted to get a dessert - 3 dollars

And... he wanted me to buy him that aftermentioned accessory... a ring. He looked at very expensive ones... i... would not have paid for even as stupid as i am.. the one he got was 15 or 25 I forget which...

The thing is... if he wasnt actually... if i wasn’t comfortable being with him i woulda stopped this before... unfortunately. As usual. Despite initially not being attracted to him i really enjoyed his company and find him to be fun...

He said that we should go home at 8 i asked about going back to him place and he said no because hes tired and has work the next day. He knows i also do too. At the same time. And i tried to convince him and he kept saying no. Then i asked doesnt he wanna have sex. He said that we should go to a hotel. And i protested that hotels are expensive and his apartments free and just a cheap train station away. He said hes too tired and just wants to sleep at his apartment but hotels are exciting so hed be awake at a hotel.

He pushed them and i said at that point id be spending like 100 dollars on the day and he knows i also dont have a lot of money.

We awkwardly went to a manga cafe that was only 5 dollars but it wanted you to make a card that costs 5 more dollads. And then i got fussy because too much stress literally makes me lose control of my emotions.

It fucking sucks and i hate it. I have no fucking control over my emotions when my stress is bubbling (which it almost always is) and boils over.

I asked him if he can even pay just the 5 dollars and he said he has no money. I asked how hes gonna get to work with literally no money and he said his conpany pays for it (yea japanese conpanies pay AFTER you go )

We left. It was a bad mood. He didnt storm away from me even though i was basically crying in the street (i have had this happen with even friends. I start crying and they just walk away so even though it should be expected of someone claiming to be your bf... ya)

Anyhow i told him i just wanted to cuddle and talk and kiss

He looked annoyed but i guess he thought those wants were cute and looked for a isolated place

Because were in japan

Couldnt find one cause we were in a city and he again just started saying lets go home. That hes tired and not in the mood.

But we were in a quiet enough play.

And im bitching here but ill take a quick break to say i kept hugging him and stuff which he liked despite saying he was really embarrassed

He told me ealier ok that because of this debt thing hes gonna work two jobs

Which. Terrified me. The first guy I went on a date with in Japan asked me to be his gf and to move in with him and said he had to work two jobs for a month to afford to move so he wouldnt have time to see me. He told me his progress for two weeks and then ghosted me.

This boy told me hell make time to see me when i complained about not doing anything physical when i wouldnt see him again for who knows how long

Welp. Todays saturday and that was sunday. And while at first i thought he was trying because he replied to my messages in or at 24 hours for a few days. Its gone back to the 17 hours

And i asked him to talk on the phone

And he just said not tonight because after his current job hes working at home too

And because im dumb ive waisted my whole saturday waiting for him to reply and crying.

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elnorasims · 5 years

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simself tag

i was tagged by the amazing @surreysimmer and @dawsim thank u lovelies :3

im not sure who has done it and i think im kinda late on the bandwagon so if you want to do it feel free to say i tagged you xo

traits: foodie, goofball, lazy [and i included my doggo bc he is my son]

You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish there, traits, anything about you. After the keep reading thingy are +100 questions I found that you can answer if you want, but you don’t have to. i’ll put it below :]

What is your full name? abbiegaile

What is your nickname? abbie, ab, abz, fannyanne [lol dont ask pls] and my last name

Birthday? december 28th binch it’s comin soon

What is your favorite book series? oof idk maybe lord of the rings and tmi

Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? maybe im too skeptical

Who is your favorite author? idk oops

What is your favorite radio station? um idk maybe capital fm or smooth radio

What is your favorite flavor of anything? coffee yum

What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? cool, amazing, ‘wow’ (also its bugging me that this font size is bigger idk how to fix it im not that tech savvy)

What is your current favorite song? i honestly couldnt choose

What is your favorite word? lol idk maybe like pipette or something

What was the last song you listened to? gold dust

What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? oof i have a lot - big mouth, south park, game of thrones and outlander

What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i love me some rom-coms like idk maybe 10 things i hate about you

Do you play video games? yup - maybe a little too much

What is your biggest fear? the unknown (so pretty much everything lol)

What is your best quality, in your opinion? idk maybe that im approachable?

What is your worst quality, in your opinion? i over-analyse situations a lot

Do you like cats or dogs better? dogs 100 percent

What is your favorite season? either autumn or winter

Are you in a relationship? yes <3

What is something you miss from your childhood? lol this is dark and deep but not having to worry about things like i do now

Who is your best friend? my boyfriend

What is your eye color? blue

What is your hair color? it’s technically blonde n im naturally blonde but it’s gotten dark over the years so my roots are brown but i have blonde highlights and this was a complicated answer to such a simple question wow

Who is someone you love? my family, my dog n my boyfriend

Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend

Who is someone you think about often? um

Are you currently excited about/for something? christmas tbh

What is your biggest obsession? i have way too many obsessions i look at something for more than 5 seconds and im obsessed its unhealthy

What was your favorite TV show as a child? bear in the big blue house as a little kid shout out to that fkin og show

Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? boyfriend lol

Are you superstitious? boy do i

Do you have any unusual phobias? i guess i have a phobia of bellybuttons lol

Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind definitely

What is your favorite hobby? reading

What was the last book you read? the help by kathryn stockett

What was the last movie you watched? um idek i havent watched one in so long

What musical instruments do you play, if any? lol i wish

What is your favorite animal? polar bears

What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i can’t choose just 5 its impossible

What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation

When and where do you feel most at peace? in my room lying down in bed reading

What makes you smile? a lot of things

What sports do you play, if any? lol no

What is your favorite drink? caramel frappe from mcdonalds yum

When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? hm idk maybe a card if that counts for my sister

Are you afraid of heights? nah

What is your biggest pet peeve? when ppl scratch the carpet with their nails lol

Have you ever been to a concert? yes

Are you vegan/vegetarian? no

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a singer

What fictional world would you like to live in? id love to live anywhere in middle-earth but most likely the shire *_*

What is something you worry about? everything

Are you scared of the dark? no

Do you like to sing? yh

Have you ever skipped school? yeah...too much

What is your favorite place on the planet? my room or tokyo

Where would you like to live? somewhere peaceful

Do you have any pets? a dog called brandy

Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? a night owl def

Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets

Do you know how to drive? no

Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds r more comfortable but i prefer headphones

Have you ever had braces? no

What is your favorite genre of music? indie chill

Who is your hero? my mom

Do you read comic books? rarely

What makes you the most angry? horrible people

Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real book

What is your favorite subject in school? psychology

Do you have any siblings? an older bro n an older sis

What was the last thing you bought? mcdonalds lmfao

How tall are you? 5′8

Can you cook? no

What are three things that you love? my fam/dog/boyfriend, cuddling up in a warm blanket on a cold night and peace

What are three things that you hate? horrible people, my anxiety and um idk

Do you have more female friends or more male friends? idk i think equal

What is your sexual orientation? i dont rlly like putting labels onto things

Where do you currently live? england

Who was the last person you texted? friend

When was the last time you cried? yesterday

Who is your favorite YouTuber? david dobrik, pewdiepie, um i also have a fkin love for like study youtubers

Do you like to take selfies? nah

What is your favorite app? idk lol i dont rlly have one

What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? ..

What is your favorite foreign accent? australian most likely

What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? tokyo

What is your favorite number? 2

Can you juggle? no

Are you religious? nope

Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? space but they both scare the shit out of me

Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no way

Are you allergic to anything? no

Can you curl your tongue? yes

Can you wiggle your ears? no

How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? if im wrong i admit it

Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest

What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? to just ‘do more of what makes you happy’ and that it’s ok to feel bad emotions it’s just important to control them

Are you a good liar? nah

What is your Hogwarts House? hufflepuff

Do you talk to yourself? yeah

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

Do you keep a journal/diary? i do if my anxiety is hella strong i like to let it all out

Do you believe in second chances? depends on context

If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? probs hand it in

Do you believe that people are capable of change? depends on context

Are you ticklish? a little

Have you ever been on a plane? no

Do you have any piercings? ears

What fictional character do you wish was real? hmm idk maybe jamie fraser from outlander

Do you have any tattoos? no

What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? to stop caring about what other ppl think of me

Do you believe in karma? sort of

Do you wear glasses or contacts? i should bc im short sighted but i cba

Do you want children? yes but not until im a lot older

Who is the smartest person you know? my boyfriend

What is your most embarrassing memory? um

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes

What color are most of you clothes? black

Do you like adventures? yes if im not being lazy lol

Have you ever been on TV? dont think i have

How old are you? 18

What is your favorite quote? dont have one im boring

Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory

#ts4 #sims 4 #ts4 tag #simself

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huangfilms · 5 years

Text

Prince!Chenle

summary: you’re a member of the royal family and I didn’t know and you ran into me in the village and I completely told you off oh my god || prince!au

(A/N) o-oh my god i’m back from the dead with some prince chenle hope u enjoy (im a lil rusty so leave me some feedback Please! also,,, its not proofread haha aslkdjfhals Please Spare Me)

okay so you live in the village

your mom told you prior that you need to just walk over to your grandma’s house and drop sumn off

and to get to her house, you have to cut into the uhhh

the place where all the store stands are

u know like the market place ish

and so your holding a lot of stuff in your arms and you just walk with your eyes on the floor, watching where you step

and you lift your head up at times so you can see if you’re ever going to bump into someone

guess what

you rlly done goofed cause you Look Up and right as you do theres this body that collides with yours

and you drop

e v e r y t h i n g

then you just stop and you get rlly pissed off

you look up rly dramatically and slowly and you meet a pair of eyes that actually look a lil scared

(ugh poor bby chenle im rlly srry)

‘are you serious??? were you just not paying attention??? do you seriously have no coordination on where you’re going??????’

and then you let out a huff and start to pick up your things and place them back in your basket

while you do that you’re just muttering to yourself, ‘GOSH my mom is literally going to whoop me if she finds out i dropped gma’s stuff’

and then you see the guy kneel in front of you and start to help

‘um...... i can do this by myself, you can go ahead and bump into someone else now’

and he just looks at you with this expression you cant read

then he slowly gets up

‘prince chenle, we need you back at the kingdom right away, your mother is asking for you.’

and then you freeze up

p-prince ????? w-what ????????

two plus tw o equals pie ??????

then you start to panic and you hurriedly place the rest of your stuff in the basket and Run

you just Run To Your gma’s house

but you hear a soft ‘wait!’ when you run but you just Cannot

you’re SOOOOO embarrassed and when you arrive at your gma’s house your face is RED

and your ears are all flushed and your gma asks whats wrong

‘i just told off the prince because he bumped into me-’

in your defense he rlly didn’t look like a prince (wdym chenle ALWAYS looks like a prince smh)

he was wearing .... regular clothes so he Did Not Look Like A Prince

like,,,,,, yeah i dont know LOL

but then all your grandma does is LAUGH AT YOU

whats so funny??? blease omg hes gonna Have My Head omgomgomgsdhkjah

so your grandma just looks at you like you’re overreacting and says, “chenle is a nice boy!! he comes and visits me all the time sweetie.”

and then you freeze up because-

w hat ???? let me ??? move my ??? bang real quick ???

“grandma you what”

“chenle visits me all the time??? very nice boy, you’d like him !!”

and all she does is feed you then kick you outta the house to go home before it gets too dark

when you walk back your just rlly thinking ‘.... that happened huh ...’

AND THEN !!! you hear a lil yell of ‘hey!!’

and when you schnapp your head up you see the prince waving up at you with this Look on his face ???

so you just give him a weird glance and walk slowly towards him

“listen, about earlier i am so sor-”

“it’s fine !! hope you aren’t beating urself over it too much !! have a great evening ...?”

then u tell him ur name yadda yadda then he leaves and then ur like !!! haha what just happened !!!

so you go home and just sleep on it cause you kind of just dont want to think about it HAHA

so the next morning when you wake up your mom says to go to your gma’s again

just cause your gma wants to see you .. which is kind of odd

you only see your grandma during special occasions and when you drop things off

only because school/work has been taking a lot of your time

but just for your gma,,,,, you’ll visit her and forget the responsibilities for now

you walk there with confusion on your face because,,, although your grandma loves you, she doesn’t just spring on you and ask you to come over

so youre just curious about why she wants to see you (there isnt anything wrong with it !!! its just a lil odd)

when you arrive to her cottage you see this car outside and immediately become anxious

youre just treading slowly to the door, and then you raise your hand to knock,,, but youre hesitating A LOT

so time goes by (max. of like .. 5 minutes) and the door swings open to reveal your grandma

she puts you into a bone crushing hug, and then pulls you inside

“thank you for coming dear !! i want you to formally meet someone.”

and then you get SCARED scared

so when you turn to go into the living room, you nearly SCREAM

cause on the couch is mr prince chenle and you feel like one of the guards is going to strangle u with the glare they’re giving you

in your defense, you didnt Know ............ you told off the Prince .......

“chenle sweetie, this is my sweet grandchild i was telling you about !! they did tell me recently that you recently met.”

chenle blushes when he makes eye contact but you rlly dont now why cause You Told Him Off and thats rlly all you can think about HAHA

BUT in reality chenle isnt too bothered by that cause you didn’t immediately treat him like a Prince, you treated him like a regular person (albeit a lil ... Yikes)

and he actually thinks that you are the most gorgeous being in the World !! mayhaps lil prince even has a tiny crush on you !!!

when you Formally Introduce urself to him

ur grandma hits u w that, “sweetie can u help me n chenle garden some things !!”

and then she gestures u both to follow her in her backyard

she tells the guards to make themselves feel at home and leave out like lemonade or sumn

so you and chenle are just super awkward at first cause you dont know how to break the tension

also all you can think about once again: was that u rlly told him off

but then chenle starts to laugh really loudly at a joke your grandma says and then you just-

YOU WANT TO COO !! cause even tho his laugh is Super Loud, you find it endearing that he’s just letting loose like this

he catches you staring tho and he stops and he Blushes Again and you want to !!! squish !!

who doesnt want to squish chenle he’s literally such an angel and hes so adorable ugh i lov baby

so you both just start talking more and then by the end of the day you guys are just best buddies

you forget hes the prince too

but then u walk in to see the guards and ur all lik e... righ t...

its ok tho !! chenle is a person too !!

and honestly you guys make this a regular thing

you and chenle go to ur gmas house to garden every day or when you guys have the time

and essentially its just you guys pulling out weeds while talking about new and exciting things that happened to you recently

and your grandma just watches you guys get along and her heart is happy

cause chenle sometimes talks to her about him not making friends cause they always use him for his status

and so ur gma knows u arent like that and shes just really happy to see the two of you get along really well

days turn to weeks, weeks turn to months !! and you guys become really really close friends

some feelings develop too or .. whatever ..

but you dont acknowledge them cause youre just a person who lives in the viliage while hes a prince

chenle does though

and hes so shy about it that he blushes everytime you say his name or just smile at him

cause his heart goes !!!!!

he rlly likes you

and u rlly like him but u just dont know !!!

ye wutevr its 2018 and status rlly shouldnt matter but ur just rlly conscious about being judged and stuff

like even if u started to date him would his parents accept you

and then u snap out of ur thoughts cause chenle looks worried and you havent answered his question

haha he asked a question ???

‘you want to hang out with me tomorrow?? thats not gardening?? i-i mean its ok to say no haha i love gardening with you i just wanted to know if y-you wanted to try something new with me? i-i understand if you want to say no-’

‘chenle, sweetheart, breathe,’

and then he Blushes cause oh they just called me sweetheart and he just breathes

then you say you would love to !!!

and ur gma is just watching the Entire Thing with the guards

with popcorn and tea

and its literally the cutest little exchange ever cause youre both just blushing and red

so when tomorrow comes

chenle meets u at ur gmas house

and so like he holds his hand out for you to take and ur just !! heart into overdrive !!!

and then !!! he takes you to this ice skating rink cause youve mentioned before that you havent been

and he rented out the whole place so people wouldnt be bothering you two

and hes just nervous and so are you but since ur dont know how to skate youre just clinging to him for dear life

and hes such a blushing mess omg

the guards are just cooing at the both of you, some even join you on the ice

and you guys are just cracking jokes and having such a good time

there was a time where one of the guards fell on their ass and u two couldnt stop laughing

then chenle falls but since youre holding onto him you fall down too oops

and so ur just kinda ... laying down on him awkwardly and your guys’ faces are so CLOSE

but then you clear your throat and then you jump off of him

it gets kind of late and the guards are just like, “hate to break this cute and adorable moment, but your momma is calling you to be home prince”

and so chenle just blushes and gets up first, then holds his hand out again to help you up

it makes you sad when he has to leave, but he drops you off at home

when he does, he walks you to your door and then he says goodbye, but before he leaves

you feel a little bold and you kiss him on the cheek !!! so cute !!! cause then hes just RED ! and hes so flustured and he just waves bye and when he gets into his car

he just clutches his chest and has this big smile on his face and hes just so in awe

and the guards are teasing him but he really Does Not Care cause you just did : THAT

you kissed him on the cheek and hes so !!! about it

but you guys go out more often after this

and sometimes is just to hang out with your gma cause chenle has grown to love her HAHA

its become a thing where you kiss him on the cheek goodbye

wow cute

one day though, hes saying bye and hes looking away while youre about to kiss his cheek

but then he remembers he needs to tell you something

so right as your lips are about to kiss his cheek

his head turns and you two share a lil innocent peck

AND YOURE BOTH BLUSHING WOW

AND THE GUARDS ARE SO !!!!

o-ohmy gosh im so kilig you guys

CHENLE IS SO FLUSTURED THAT HE FORGETS WHAT HE WANTED TO TELL YOU

oh right he was about to CONFESS confess but like

ur flustered too so u rush out a goodbye and you LEAVE

and chenle is just !!!! ok ill tell them tomorrow !!!!

well tomorrow comes

and you dont show up

ur gma tells him that u’ve been exhausted cause of school, theyll probs be back tomorrow

so then he comes back tomorrow

and you arent there again

and this goes on for like a week

and he just Knows ur avoiding him

but like hes so fed up because he has been Waiting for the Right Time to confess to you

and so he goes over to ur house and then knocks

you answer the door and then your eyes grow wide and then u shut the door again

but chenle pushes it open and just “WAIT”

and so you just slowly open the door

“why have you been avoiding me??”

and ur just speechless cause haha avoiding you ?? why would i do that ???

and he gives you This Look

and then ur all like ... “OKAY !!! so ive been avoiding you .... what about it..”

and he just sighs and hes all serious and ur all !! cause chenle is barely serious alsdkf

“Listen,,, i really like you,”

you pause and you just look at him before grinning

“i really like you too chenle!!”

and he just looks Frustrated cause he thinks you arent getting it

“more than a friend way!!!”

and then you start to smile and ur all like .. “the feeling is mutual bub !”

and now HES pausing cause w-what

m-marty

but then you just hug him tightly and tell him how much you really like him !!!

and he goes !!!! oh my gosh !!!!

then you guys are just looking at each other and you really do forget that there are other people around you and he kisses you !!! wow !!!

please spare me ive never had my first kiss before HASKDJFHASD

BUT ANYWHO

you guys are always together now !! and he even lets you meet his parents and they immediately: love you

you basically hang around him a lot and when he says he has to do sum prince duties ur all like ... huh ... i forget ur a prince LMFOAJFH

but everything is good everything is well !!!

youre just content with what you have with chenle even tho u started off a lil rocky

you just !!! like him so much !!! life is good hehe

anway end !!! prince chenle: cutest lil headcannon but chenle is ALREADY a prince !!!

Masterlist

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karak9 · 5 years

Text

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

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hugttos · 5 years

Text

is rae really still fucking foaming at the mouth lol?? like im allowed to talk about my abuse and she knows this bc i was open about what broden did to me (which she then turned around and acted like i was a freak about it when it benefit her lol)

but like considering she loves doing that, manipulating stuff to fit her narrative

i just pointed out how it was weird her oc is physically ten and stalks her love interest, wants to kill that persons love interest just because they like each other, makes said love interest stay naked around her, and then suddenly im a freak for it and the ‘physically ten’ aspect suddenly vanishes (even if it still says they have the body of a child’

i mean, this isnt really that relevant but something i find funny is how they aggressively hate tearzah to the point of having a blog against them but theyre becoming more and more like them by the day. honestly is their oc just becoming an ash clone at this point.. a super ‘old’ oc with the body of a child who does weird fucking shit and it also rlly doesnt help that raes joked about beating this oc

rae also went totally fucking rabid when i pointed out that broden had liked her ‘im moving like this post for a follow’

like okay yes we know hes a freak who lurks but why would he DIRECTLY INTERACT with your post. especially one that says ‘like and i’ll follow you’ like idk how its my fault that it makes YOU look bad.

then she whined about how im still on her about (and how i took the link down but since she seems to want to be outed so bad i put it back) and broden isnt. and like...brodens already inactive as fuck and has no friends anyway bc he fucking sucks but you’re still actively lying about literally all the gross shit youve done and still actively being abusive so its really not rocket science.

i made it suuuper fucking clear i found her url so i could block it, since if i DIDNT do that she would be totally open to harass me (and considering shes still lying its really not that unreasonable for me to do something like that to protect myself lol)

like rae wants to claim me pointing out her gross actions has made her so anxious that she couldnt eat but then when i point out that her abuse literally makes me relapse then she spurts some really gross victim blaming rhetoric that basically shit on people who self harm and abuse victims in general

if you wannt see her really weak and honestly kind of hilarious defense its here lol

i would update my ‘’’’callout’’’’ read: ask explaining what happened, but i dont feel the need to since she already embarrasses herself enough without me doing anything

#there i just compiled it into one thing rather then me vomiting 12 posts rip

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candyredterezii · 7 years

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i had to watch my mom cry.

she came to talk to me and thank me for getting that gofundme up..

she said it took a lot to do that and how I must be embarrassed to do that

and you know she was right

“i know ur embarrassed to have ur friends see you have to do this.”

i couldnt tell her I wasnt

I am extremely embarrassed.

Esp seeing them donate i am greatly appreciated ofc but god do i feel so embarrassed and ashamed like.

She started crying.

Sobbing how she failed me.. how terrible it was to get stuck with two awful fucking parents

and i just was so close to cry myself i just

i cant

i feel bad

cus i rlly rlly fucking

cant

i have no energy to try and cheer and console other people but she was my mom --

i tried my best but.. it seemed to suffice she calmed down..

i just feel so terrible that she thinks that of herself and whatever like..

she tries so hard and honestly shes so unlucky and gets so much shit and treated so terribly by everyone and i wish i can do more for her

and as i told her this is the least i can do.

Letting myself get extremely embarrassed and ashamed to even be seen by my fucking friends is a small price to pay honestly..

my parents are seeing my like im a fucking saint doing this and im not even doing anything

im just loosing my sense of pride and my own feeling of security in my image or whatever u wanna phrase it

rlly its everyone else being so kind and donating and helping us

and ofc theyre constantly grateful for you all who donated but i feel that should be where it stays.

I have rlly nothing to do with it I just set the firewood up and everyone else started to light it you know

whatever im just

god..

i thought i finally was able to fucking get some kind of security but that got all torn down as soon as i got home.. ugh..

#personal #eh.... ignore me i guess.

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s-nnyd · 6 years

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all of the ask me meme :) please stop talking about naruto

i think that was this one?

rose: what makes you feel beautiful?

man, hmm, when my hair falls just right and it looks like the hairstyle that could be used in like a romcom drama oh or when the sun starts to set because everythign just starts to feel like the right color and it makes it just about everything right

lace: how would you describe your best friend(s)?

complete idiots i love hanging out with

wish: what are your favourite memories?

oh fuck dude my favorite memories? okay so back in middle school when there was the open house and i signed up for one of the shifts i just stayed in ms. dean’s room and like it was raining and pouring and i was just kinda fooling around with some friends before our shifts started and like we ordered pizza and my goodness it was cold and wet as fuck but it was such a genuinely nice memory of just the feeling during that time also when were painting murals for art ds like shit man that was like the time of my life and i genuinely get all these heartfelt feelings each time i think about it (oh oh oh oh and like mrs q said that like shes trying to make things work with walker about doing a mural inside the class and im like holy fuck please like im legit gonna cry if that happens) and although its super embarrassing just like all the times ive ever really had talks and hung out with mrs q like they were genuinely nice memories and esp friday too like she told me stories about the previous schools she went to and the types of students she had and i love hearing stuff like that and yesterday was truly enjoyable

heaven: describe your ideal date

hhhhhhhh okay okay okay okay so its raining out but we still were supposed to meet up and im standing outside with a cup of hot choco with extra whip cream just the way she likes it cause i wanted to get it for her and when she comes to meet me she also has a cup of hot choco with extra cocoa for me and its just the kinda heart and chest swelling kinda moment cause we both were thinking about each other and then we head over to watch the movies first something stupid yet enjoyable and after going to have some lunch at like a really good tofu house and then after going to an art museum and then ill say somethign cheesy like man im surprised you dont live here ‘why?’ cause youre a work of art or you know whats the most beautiful piece of art out of this whole exhibit ‘ooo was it the ______ or the _____ one or maybe its the ______?” nah its you and thats the main commentary im making through out the whole exhibition and like after that we head over to my place and the rains still coming down my head on her lap and her fingers through my hair as watch a movie both of us has seen far too many times already that it this point its just for the sake of background noise and like we swap spots where shes on my lap now adn eventually she falls asleep i carry her to the bed and let her nap for a bit and she wakes up after a while and comes into the kitchen and im cooking fried rice at like 3 in the morning and its just lazy hugs and bad singing but all in all its just relaxing soothing loving and everything i really want

angel: what is your dream aesthetic?

oh man like okay have you seen that godzilla jacket that was floating around on tumblr for a while like like that specific aesthetic where its super cool stitching and japanese words that i can actually read for once OH OH OH or like just absolute artist like just paint splatters and charcoal and pastel that wont wash out and jean jackets with patches and just yeeeeeee

wings: list five things you love about yourself

hmmm i think my determination to always be improving, my loyalty, my ability to think from multiple angles of a situation, my creativity and the multitude of ideas that come as a result of it , and mmm prolly the fact that when i love someone or got a crush like more than anything id love to give them the absolute most like id give them the world if i could if it would make them happy and like they dont gotta accept my feelings or anything but jsut please dont reject my gifts like i just want you to be happy and i wanna see you smile and laugh and like even if this aint gonna turn anything im glad i got to love you and have this experience

marble: what do you look for in a partner?

oh man okay so like ive noticed that every single person ive ever had a crush on like i dont necessarily got a type in the sense of like looks or anything like that cause they all look super different and there is no one “type” but like its a lot closer to a “type” as in a type of person like someone whos generally super open minded and caring and gentle someone who even though they dont believe so theyre changing and helping so so so so many people around them someone who has the best laugh that id do anything to hear and the prettiest eyes and the most amazing smile that id truly do anythign to see someone whos usually loved by many but even in close relations theyre extremely close heart to heart and very attentive someone whos got a great head on their shoulders and the mindset to keep moving forward and improve someone who rlly pushes the idea communication, trust, and honesty and like man theyre people with the most beautiful minds and hearts and like it ends up being a case where theyve got the most beautiful face too

velvet: describe your dream home

oh fuck dude i couldnt even talk about this for my project for japanese i cant do it here

pearl: what is your favourite: scent, flavour, sound, texture?

shit dude ive really gotta say that my favorite scent is prolly the art and the ceramics room like really its super calming my fave flavor would maybe be honey? (i just had a honey stick rn so) my favorite sound is the sound of my crush’s voice and laugh, fave texture has def gotta be my paint like fuck i love sticking my hand in that shit

sunlight: list five things you find to be beautiful

link, zelda, my crush, the specific color of cerulean blue, okay and oddly enough that scar thats on my leg from when i fell off my skateboard

cherry: what words of advice would you give to a stranger?

if you think someone’s got a cool shirt, pretty eyes, a nice laugh, the cutest button nose, a soothing voice, or is just in general attractive to you, just tell them like the smile on their face is worth a whole lot and i promise you that it could make their day

blush: describe your ideal future

oh fuck okay so its one where i got a like four big dogs (cause these are my faves), a samoyed a husky a german shepard and a pit bull, and im living in a nice decent place with my loved one i have a job either at one of the major animation studios or im working with a huge game company (preferably Nintendo so i can work on some loz games) and ive also got a seperate place thats a block or two away from my home and its my own personal studio a place that is just a whole floor dedicated to working on my art whether it be two dimensional traditional or digital and i also got a throwing wheel and a place to put my ceramics and ive made some movies and games that ive dedicated to mrs q and mrs y because theyve brought me so far in my art career and also played such a big role in my life in general and id love to make them proud and like honestly that soudns like the absolute shit to me

sea: what music, art and/or literature brings you peace?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man just seein loz fanart is the best but also like fuck dude like mmmmm when i see an art style i really love that has literally the best fuckign composition and color usage like fuck thats my shit like theres some specific ones that i dont know how to describe

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

working on that mural if mrs q can make it through cause that is legit what i really wanna do like i fucking love working on murals oh oh oh also when we can finally order the new j shirts cause i finished the design and i really wanna see everyone wearing them im really proud of this year’s design aalsososoooooooo like im really excited to work on the next project for ceramics like were makign slab boxes and we can basically tell a story and do whatever the fuck we want with it and man im just so excited for that (wow i legit realized that like everything ive listed that is part of my dream or makes me excited or happy is like art related like wow)

honey: what do you do to relax?

i watch shitposts oh that or i talk to my cousin lynnette cause really shes super understanding and its really easy to talk to her

silk: describe your most recent dream

man i forgot the bulk of it but i think like it was one where i didnt finish my charcoal portrait or my coil pot in time and then i woke up in a cold sweat

matte: what is something you are proud of?

hmmmm at current im proud of the presents i gave to mrs y and mrs q cause it made the both of them really happy and like i really wanted to show them how thankful i am to them and like they genuinely liked the posters and the flowers

gloss: list ten songs you love right now

lmao shit uh

feelings - hayley kiyoko

maple - hayley kiyoko

redbone - childish gambino

forrest gump - frank ocean

shes so mean - matchbox twenty

perfect - ed sheeran

and legit just like all of the soundtracks for all the loz games

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

oh oh oh oh oh when i give a present to my crush or i do something nice for them and they just give me the biggest smile or the best laugh ive ever heard and theres just the crinkle at the corners of their eyes from smilign so hard and because theyre trying so hard to keep eye contact with me while but theyre laughing really hard and they can only keep one eye open and like just the genuineness of joy and all

opal: talk about your interests and passions

hhhhhhhh dude dude like mannnnnn like hhhhhh okay imma talk about loz for a sec and like i know i brought it up before but i love like so much okay like oot was my first time playing time playing any loz game and my lord it was the shit like the storyline the characters the graphics the sound track the quests and side characters liek everything really made it feel like so much mroe and like i feel so much for it like heres link growing up and hes like what around ten or so and hes got some friends and he finally gets his fairy and then his tree dad goes and dies right after telling him lmao sorry but you kinda gotta save the kingdom k bye and like this kid this kid literally knows jack shit about anything but he goes on and does it anyways he goes and helps zelda he goes and helps the people who are in trouble along the way and plays some rad ass tunes on his tiny lil ocarina of time while doing it and like even when he gets put into the future like he sitll has the mindset of a ten year old hes still as innocent and earnest and pure hearted as when he first started and like holy fuck dont get me started on sheik like shit sheik is so damn cool and like knowing that it was zelda all that time like fuck yeah zelda can kick ass fuck yeah zelda got muscles for days fuck yeah she can punt you across the kingdom and like at the end when she thanks him and sends him back and time so he can enjoy the lost time like shit dude i know zelda meant well and all but like hes experienced so much with and for her hes done so much give the kid a break and then even then navi in the end like leaves and then eveything continues in majoras mask and again hes in his ten year old body but now wiht the experiences and knowledge and basically memories from being seventeen like hes got so much mroe than what his body and mind should handle at this point and he wanders into the forest again all in search for an old friend to look for navi and like when he gets sent to termina after trying to chase after skull kid and like havign those nightmares witht he scrubs like hes gone through so much and i only want more for him and like he doesnt have to save termina he doesnt he doesnt need to do anything he can let termina get smooshed to smitherins by the moon for all the work hes already done for hyrule but he does it anyway and he rewinds time again and again and again and again so he can fix all of these problems for all of these people he does all of this to bring some sort of proper ending for these people who have the last three days of their lives the last three days before their deaths repeat over and over and over and over and over again and he saves them each and every time he rewinds time and he goes through all this shit i mean this ten year old mother fucker is doing olympic bakc flips and twirls and shit after oot like shit boi and then like oh myy gooddddd like damn botw like fuck dude that game means a whole lot to me like its lacking a lil bit in the presence of an evil and i mena i know its ganon and all but like shit i could ignore that motherfucker for all eternity if he wasnt being such a total asshat to zelda and like i mainly beat that motherfucker up just for zelda like for once in a game ive never wanted more to save her like they went so much into detail abotu her and like dude those memories thos cutscenes? like that shit made everythign and i truly love her she works so hard and shes held up to this image of being extremely spiritiually adept because of all her ancestors ebcause of all the other zeldas but she jsut cant she jsut cant do the same thing and so she tries in other ways she tries to udnerstand and get a grasp on sheikah and ancient tech so she can at least be prepared to stand against the calamity when it does come and like the champions all worry about her like the girl nearly got herself killed in the process of trying to awaken her so called spiritual powers and like dude finding out that in the beginning zelda legit hated links ass like they put so much mroe into her like she she hated seeing that he was a prodigy that he didnt have a single trouble in the world and then finally link speaks up and he tells her he talks to her about why he keeps quiet and like the two finally bond and like the two dorks love each other so much that it really does go beyond friendship and romance like they legit would die for each other that one time that zelda was this fucking close to getting her ass handed to her on a silver platter and link was beat the fuck up like he went to save her and then the time when link was basically on his death bed and a guardian was about to pulverize him zelda stood between him and the guardian this bitch wasnt even thinking about having her spiritual powers she was legit ready to die for him if it meant he could run away and get to safety and i mean luckily she her spiritual powers did come out but she legit realized it when she was so genuinely scared but chose to stand up cause she cared for him so much and like these two kids fight so much and have gone through a lot both on their own times and also together but like i love them so much no matter what timeline theyre in

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

my lord i want life to point me in the right direction tbqh or at least give me a mentor for some help like please ive been guiding and doing everything myself this whole time give me a break like after reading all the stories for lang and lit like it makes me feel so lost in what im doing like after catcher in the rye and playing the role of holden caulfield and denying that i fit any part of the role and then realizing how similar i was to him and then reading death of a salesman and relating to biff and reading raisin in the sun and relating to beneatha like shit i really felt lost like ive been talking about it with my therapist lately and like yeah i think i really need some direction or reassurance or a mentor or at least something in my life thats consistent cause right now im a complete mess

#thanks jae #like i really enjoyed this #sickinthesoul

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archive4287508084 · 7 years

Note

same anon / the noctis one! sorry i should have clarified

its ok!!

i put it under cut cause its a lot

im not sure how to write this out so its kinda messy sorry

i was closeted ftm. prompto was the first one i told and it was highschool and i remember it rlly clearly and it was .. v nice… like he had no idea what it was but did his research and even tho he was awkward about it he tried to help ? he sometimes lend his clothes to me since i only owned fancy dresses for meetings which was very sweet i love him. also he had a huge crush on me which was very obvious and i rlly liked him too but i had to turn him down in subtle ways (since he like never officially confessed) because i already knew in hs that there would be an arrangent marriage.

on the trans thing idk when i told gladio or iggy but they knew before the roadtrip.

i looked a lot like my mom which is one of the reasons i just couldnt tell dad. i felt like would disappoint him not only in my duty by not being a princess but also on a personal level by trying not to look like her ? and i know he wouldve just accepted it and supported me hes a good father but that wont stop personal hurt and disappointment so

the thing that rlly confuses me is that i dont remember ardyn the crystal and the whole prophecy. at least not related to that time line ? ive been trying to make sense of it but my theory is as cheesy and fanfiction-y it sounds is that maybe after getting rid of ardyn the first time and fulfiling my destiny i got another shot at life without those things. which would explain a lot of complicated feelings and memories that dont match up with one another or just feel wrog to be considered in the same life. actually im kinda sold on the two canons/lifes thing its just smt rlly embarrassing to admit tbh. but to continue with the non chosen king canon.

there was still a war but it wasnt ardyn who was the mastermind behind it.

the attack also did happen while i was on my way to marry luna. from there on instead of seeking gods blessings and trying ti get the crustal back it was more about securing my peoples safety and seeking out luna. also after the attack i cut off my hair (well iggy fixed it so he mostly cut it) and started wearing a make shift binder. i dont remember much else from that time tho ik that after all this i faked my own death (since everyone remembered me as a princess it wasnt hard) and just kinda stayed with prompto near hammerhead as hunters and i got my happy ending which is nice and also i love my canon husband prompto argentum. i do feel bad about not continuing my bloodline though or maybe i did idk. idk what happened to the throne or well i dont remember but honestly i doubt i just left eveyone to themselves and i did take it back from the nifs so i prob made a good decision for my people? i wish i would remember more so i could stop feeling lowkey guilty but yk

and on the second canon thing i wasnt trans and it was closer to the canon one. i havent really made sense of it yet but i do remember some stuff that doesnt make sense to talk about rn. like just small memories that dont have much meaning for your question so i wont talk about it uh thats it

i left out luna theres a lot of heavy stuff revolving around her that i dont wanna talk about publicly so send me a message off anon if you wanna know

#asks

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