#its 4 am I cba

[naes-dairy]

I'm just finding myself doing the things I love less because I'm scared of failure, failing myself and everyone around me.

I'm scared of hearing all the hate being sent to me, even though I'm the hater.

I'm scared of being judged by others even if I know they're close friends or other people that I'll probably never see again.

I hate being scared... of my own feelings.

#naes pinned post note goal: 4/10 #i am not okay #gosh i shouldnt be crying rn #its my fault for being so stupid and lazy #hate myself sm #tw low self esteem #self hate #hate myself #whats the point #each day i wake up a failure #i csnt even type properly anymote wth is up with these typos i cba to edit them now wth #should just kms already #istg #expresso the depresso #naes vent posts #what #what?

[stereax]

Hello! I am writing a paper for a law school class on transnational courts about the IIHF and NHL-Russia player transfers. I’m starting with the Fedotov mess and looking for a thesis from there. I have found great stuff on litigation from the early 2000s and player transfer agreements with other leagues under previous CBAs but very little current info. I’m also looking for any updates on Fedotov since the IIHF’s ruling in August and Russia ignoring it. I know he’s playing in the KHL now. Did the Flyers just let it go because there isn’t anything they can do? Any help/ideas/resources would be much appreciated!!

I love you for this, so so so much. You've combined just about all of my interests in one ask. I'll give you the very concise version of it here, for public consumption. You might know most of this already, and I'm sorry if this doesn't help that much - but DM me for more info. I can and will go searching with you. Hell, if you want, you can "interview" me via Discord or via DMs here and cite me as a source. (I've done that a lot with my friends for papers hahaha, asked them their thoughts and then cited it.) Under the cut, as always! 💜

As you're probably aware, the IIHF is the leading organizer of ice hockey stuff around the world. I believe it's them that organize the Worlds and World Juniors, and they also have international standards for things like rink size. (Of course, the NHL plays on a nonstandard rink, so...) Importantly, however, the IIHF has very little legal power. It is difficult for them to fully enforce their decisions - especially when it comes to a country that won't listen.

Ivan Fedotov was a seventh-round selection of the Philadelphia Flyers in 2015. He has been playing primarily in the KHL since. In 2021-22, he backstopped CSKA Moscow to the Gagarin Cup (the KHL's version of the Stanley Cup) in what was widely considered a "breakout" year. Following this, in his last year of eligibility, Philadelphia signed him to a one-year entry-level contract (ELC), with the intent of bringing him to Philly and seeing if he could be a good enough goaltender at the NHL level (presumably to be the backup to Carter Hart) or even the AHL level. This is where things get screwy.

Fedotov is arrested shortly after the ELC is signed under the "charge" of avoiding the Russian army draft (understand that this was most likely a politically motivated arrest). He spends the next year at a fairly remote Russian military base, only communicating with the Flyers once in this entire year. He was allowed to continue training part-time, but not to the level he could otherwise have. So the ELC slides one year.

In the summer of 2023, Philly tries to get Fedotov overseas again... only to find that he's signed a two-year deal with CSKA Moscow. Now, the NHL and KHL used to have transfer agreements, but the NHL cut these agreements after the Russian invasion of Ukraine. However, Fedotov has two contracts, and he clearly can't play in two places at once. What happens?

The IIHF steps in, and decides that Fedotov's ELC with Philly should be honored - and that he and CSKA Moscow were not allowed to sign a contract with the ELC in place. They ban Fedotov from playing for 4 months and CSKA Moscow from being able to sign non-domestic players (international transfers) for one year.

Before I continue, something to be aware of with sports in Russia: certain teams are sponsored by the state and oligarchs far more than others. This is true with Russian soccer and also true with Russian football. CSKA Moscow, in particular, is one of the most-supported teams and is notable for its ties with the Russian army. Its dominance during the Soviet era was because it could literally draft the best hockey players (and I mean draft as in draft like for the army). It's currently owned by Rosneft, an oil company that's majority owned by the Russian government. (SKA Saint Petersburg is another of these highly-supported teams, for what that's worth.)

So CSKA Moscow, sort of predictably, flips off the IIHF. And starts Fedotov. In their first game. The IIHF can't really do much - it hits CSKA Moscow with a 5000 CHF fine (laughable) and threatens to refer it, and Fedotov, to the IIHF Disciplinary Board if they keep doing it. They keep doing it. Of course. The KHL's president claims that the 4-month ban threatens Fedotov's Russian constitutional right to work and that they will thusly disregard the ruling. As of November 2nd, Fedotov is still playing in the KHL - he just recorded a shutout, actually.

The Flyers really can't do much, outside of pressure the IIHF, which has little concrete power, to levy more punishments (and the IIHF has gone quiet about this too). Philly could try to, theoretically, smuggle Fedotov out of Russia a la Malkin, but you can only imagine what the Russian government will do to Fedotov and his family if he tries to defect. Especially because Fedotov's what, 26? 27? And goalies don't tend to have a long shelf life. Even if he came to the States, and played some games in the NHL, would those precious few years be worth the wellbeing of him and his family? Probably not. Again, since the NHL and KHL no longer have a transfer agreement, Philly and CSKA Moscow would have to come to terms on their own - and CSKA Moscow isn't keen on giving up their current star tendy to play in likely the AHL.

And remember, Philly also has Matvei Michkov now. Whose father recently died under "mysterious circumstances". And it's rumored those circumstances had to do with Michkov's father trying to terminate his son's KHL contract to send him to America sooner. That's also a factor here that must be considered - is it better to play nice with the KHL now and give up on Fedotov to be able to bring Michkov stateside?

The situation is incredibly complicated; unfortunately, there seems to be no easy end in sight, and probably very little chance of Fedotov seeing NHL ice in his career. The war in Ukraine also complicates this, and that is currently locked at a stalemate, so... good luck there.

Alright, that's my little lecture. If you need anything else, do DM me! I can see what else I can do as well :)

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #stereducation #ivan fedotov #philadelphia flyers #cska moscow

[typekiku]

TSUKIHIME FASHION REVIEW 4!!!!

hello hello everyone

*insert applause here*

i totally haven't been dealing with some severe writers block for this relatively improvised series of rants no way i just been uhh climbing a.... spiritual mountain! yes! that is it!

i strongly suggest everyone climb their own spiritual mountains it really helps clear *things* up

uh yea whatever

so today we will be returning to the much awaited tsukihime fashion review with the one and only CIEL so go whip up some good ole curry and read along for this rant breakdown of ciel's designs evolution throughout the years.

CIEL

just look at her for a second and reconsider your life choices? have you done your homework today? (if not please go do it thats very uncool) have you returned your library books? have you tied your shoe laces? thats the vibe im getting from her in this pic

suddenly she hits you with this look and its like ugh i could go to war for much less. i could take on maybe a dead apostle or two or even a dead apostle ancestor. sure i'd die but what is death in front of curry senpai amirite? im suuuuuuure she would appreciate that sentiment

on a serious note tho she actually is adorable as hell and i can't believe i only literally just noticed that. the hair especially is to die for.

Takeuchi bless his heart really nailed that cute older student vibe he so sought for

wait wrong pic

now THIS is raw as hell. pure peak 90s edge. i imagine takeuchi was literally sitting on the edge of a blade on the edge of a cliff on the edge of the world.... well theres one more edge joke here but ill leave it be point is this is edgy and i lowkey love it.

i used to feel somewhat indifferent to the design here especially concerning the tattoos which i think i still am. the biggest issue with the tattoos for me specifically the angel wings is simply they aren't symmetrical and thus look bad according to me but everything else is chefs kiss

i talked about this in the roa post but like wtf is wrong with roa man... first thing he does is strip down is bro ok? why does he do this? what does he gain? freak.

CIEL REMAKE

excuse the border im literally copy pastin here ANYWAYs yea idk how i feel about the remake ciel at all tbh to the point that i considered accidentally forgetting this section

its like they brought up her cuteness factor by 100 points in exchange of any edge whatsoever

she got sanitized damn it

SANITIZED

don't get me wrong i still find her cute but GODDAMN where is the edge? where is the allure? i bet she wouldn't ask "Glasses or no glasses" OH WAIT THEY TOOK THAT TOO!! why can't ciel have a good thing in peace... they took away the roa boner yall...

its kinda meh to me overall

again ignore the large size i cba to find a smaller pic rn

yk what she looks dope here so ill allow it. i may be feeling things rn actually its weird because i have never really been a ciel fan but now im gushing over her... huh strange

no comment besides omg hot

ANYWAYS thats all i have to say about ciel

i like her og design much better then the remake because i feel it was very hmmm distinctive is the word i would use.

the remake makes her look much more generic in a sense especially concerning the hair

overall i would say the remake really went for a slightly more generic look in the hair department and i aint really a tm boomer or anything but it is such a shame

thats all i have again so cya folks

remember to read tsukihime right the fuck now or else....

#type moon #tsukihime #ciel #read tsukihime #tag #yea that was just a tag #hm #hmm #hmmmmm #tsuki fashion review #kiku rants

[sojutrait]

thank you so much!!! 😭💓💓💓hope u feel better omg fuck the plague

i just simply started making sims kdjfkdk

I DO im so happy season 2 has started it reminds me sm of old school sims 4 lets plays with storylines and such UGHHH im so glad that style is making a resurgence

thank u!! again im so unhelpful when it comes to advice on making sims bc i really jus Go for it 😭 i dont really have a different approach when it comes to making masc frame sims either

probably not bc its such a small action (like theres only 2 or 3 steps iirc) it just wouldnt be worth the hassle and i dont think that many ppl would find any use out of it😭😭

well,,,, tis the season 🤔

i highly doubt it dkfdkkd

i didnt its from the gallery! i just decked out the inside

ahhh i play on desktop but theres 3 and 4 columns for different screen sizes u can read more about it on the actual mod page iirc

my defaults should be good but my mods arent but i cba to update them rn 😭

( @simarcana ) TYYYYYYY she really is, i just wanna spin her around in cas all day and gawk dkfndk

my only tip would be dont dress them in clothes only if u would wear it/its your style. more so let it be a reflection of their character and their own fashion sense. theres alot of my sims id never dress like djfdkfkd but i know its something they would like !

NOW- DIFJDIFJDK me and nia orphyd have written many dissertations about... That aspect of dante's life but i will not confirm nor deny if that was included

im drawing up blanks too rn 😭😭😭 id suggest if u already know like the ethnicity of ur founder sim to just google last names from that culture and go from there, thats what i usually do dfjkd

10!

thank u omg but no i would feel bad if anyone gave me their money esp considering my tendency to like.. dip for weeks at a time DFKDJK also love u tumblr but i absolutely do not trust u with my credit card information

strip naked/bald, facial features, skin details, hair, clothes, repeat any steps if i dont like what i picked initially

( @thatoneplumbob ) no thank u for enjoying them !!! 💓💓💓😭😭

thats an easy one i dont JFKDJFK thats all neighborhood stories and mcc, i would simply die if i had to do all that myself 😭😭😭 i just pop in and give them quick makeovers

( @cutie-with-glasses-blog ) thank u so much !!! u have a great day as well 💓💓💓😌

i havent, im not a big marvel movie fan 😭😭 BUTTTTT i have seen edits and fancams of shuris actress and i agree i would also sell my kidneys and yours for her, shes so fine

( @wildsangria ) THE WAY I ALREADY FORGOT THIS DISCOURSE HAPPENEDDHFDJHDJ ugh throwback to when i gatekept the decades old tabletop rpg game dungeons and dragons

ive been staring at this in my inbox for almost a month and it never fails to make me laugh yet also feel horrified great job you two

WELL GOOD NEWS I DID and ive only made one hs so far!! buttttt it was before hsy so it doesnt work with the pack 😭😭 ill prob make one for hsy eventually bc as much as i hate building im also drawn to it like a moth to flame

thank u!! but ahhh no i havent been having any problems with uni

thank u, i hope ur having a great day too! tbh its not like something i put like... effort into if that makes sense KJDSK like for my gameplay sims no matter how casual i try to make it i inevitably start adding unnecessary depth into them 😭😭 like ill just be cleaning my house and think hmmm this sim hates this food or once had this happen to them, so pretty much the same approach i do to my ocs!

I ACTUALLY RECORDED A VIDEO i just gotta grow some bawlz and upload it 😭😭 its just a quick cas vid for a sim i wanna do gameplay with on there but im still peeing in nervousness

TYYYY i am doing well i rlly am 😌😌 im on winterbreak so YIPEEEE hope ur both doing well too!

#asks #anon #simarcana #thatoneplumbob #cutie-with-glasses-blog #wildsangria

[chaewonplzbiteme]

If you bought a VIP/Royalty package to see a K-Pop concert, how would you rank the following benefits? Assume you’re seeing your favorite group and these are all offered.

* Early Access/Entry

* Signed Item/Merch

* Hi-Touch/Send Off

* Group Photo

* Soundcheck

Oh hello~

I may be very biased from my experiences with K-Pop concerts so far. Double digit concert attendance, so strong opinions. I have sampled everything.

First off: - I'm not one to camp from midnight to secure a spot - I may come off as a snob, lol - It does not help that I'm older now - I kind of value my time - I respect the artists' time, too - Did I mention strong opinions?

No. 1: Signed Item/Merch

Nice merch goes a long way~ I dig shirts and caps for the 'generic' merch, and whatever unique thing they produce.

Ironic, considering I value experiences over property. No, please don't look at my room filled to the brim with merch 🙈.

For signatures, live signed goes deep. Knowing that they signed it for you. Just for you. The minute where you can chat with them is a precious icing on top of the experience. Memories to cherish for decades~. I have signed shirts, posters, and albums.

Needless to say, I am not very fond of pre-made signed items.

No. 2: Hi-Touch

Sadly, this experience has been heavily diluted after the pandemic. Nowadays the idols are mummified behind a glass wall. I think they dub it Hi-Wave now. I still shelled out $100 for seven exclusive photocards, though... That's how they get me.

Actual Hi-Touch or handshake events are genuinely nice though. I remember how I made Gahyeon laugh when I clapped their manager~.

No. 3: Early Access/Entry

Early Access / VIP is often tied to GA / Standing spots. Early kpop concerts abroad did not divide EA and regular GA once inside of the hall. It was nice nonetheless, first dibs on merch and better spots until you had to get a drink or take a piss. But everyone was friendly enough to let people back to their places, even at the front, not like anyone has to be scared of losing their spot.

When I go Standing, I go EA. No exceptions.

Once they started dividing EA/VIP and plebs into separate sections... I can only think of someone reading a lone comment on the internet complaining about the lack of a clear benefit once inside the venue.

Capitalism has made EA/VIP a weird thing. 2018 Dreamcatcher, all Standing/GA, non-divided, was ~90% VIP. MIK Festival was 80% VIP. Music Bank GA was VIP-exclusive lol. Only non-VIP were seated.

The idea of cutting the queue by slamming some bills on the table seems to be an illusion. What a shame.

No. 4: Group Photo

The Blackpink group photo was hilarious. Photo of the group on stage - artist not included. What the fuck.

Aside from the jokes and horrible benefits (parking spot, anyone??), I agree it is a nice memory. But it is not one I really value. I don't take selfies or pics of myself in general, so I figure it is a character thing.

I do have a stash of pics the artists took with me. But I know I will never look at these pics ever again. I will treasure the memory of them taking a picture with me though~.

No. 5: Soundcheck

While this may be a good opportunity to see the idols, I'm not going to queue for hours for 10-15 additional minutes. Hours ahead of the show. And then rejoin the regular (VIP) queue. As you can guess from my answer, I did not attend the Blackpink soundcheck, cba.

Another facet: This is capitalism at its best. In the old days, you had a friend at the venue who let you in. Or sneaked in. Now you just unload some bills.

I prefer to spend the time eating lunch with friends and chatting with them in the queue.

No. 6: Send Off

Is this seriously being offered as a benefit? Back in the days fans got to do this for free, and now we need to pay for it. How nice.

I am not going to hang around for another two hours and force them to be still pretty for one minute of them exiting the venue and entering the van. All for a single wave.

I am going to leave the idols alone once the concert concludes.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

---

Bonus: Seated or Standing?

These days I prefer seating spots. I can still see the idols well in most venues. Seated is also perfectly suited to appreciating the intricate details of choreographies. Can't see their feet when in the pit.

But nothing beats getting close to the artists. I would like to quote a friend of mine:

"I want to get so close until I can see the sweat on their skin!"

#asks #kpop concert #kpop concert opinions #i admit it I'm a snob #not a communist

[cyberbullyinc]

u guys remember when i said something like i cant let my sleeping schedule slip cuz thats the only thing i got going for me like i might not leave the bed the entire day but at least i wake up before 8 am……… but ive been going to bed at 4 am lately……… i have nothing left…… usually when i isolate myself i still use social media but just like tumblr and tiktok places where i wouldn’t run into real life friends but i still have like an outlet to share what im going through and i know technically thats what im doing rn but honestly im usually more open i just……. cba this time…… like i cant be asked its bad besties…….. but please dont pity me lmao

[quadruple-a-battery-under-ur-bed]

OK HOES IM BACK AT IT AGAIN

i am triweilding hyperfixations rn (dnd, bg3 + hwfwm) so i decided that it would be fun to smoosh them all together into a fucking mess so i proudly present: a shitty jason asano char sheet for dnd (w a ver for bg3 bc the subclass isnt in bg3 (might need to change spells idk havent checked)) (also this is just for mechanics i would reccomed speaking to ur dm if u wanna add flavour items also idk how the equipment would go w bg3 so) this is not in the same order he gets his powers (aka he takes the mage hand cantrip even tho the powers it emulates (shadow hands and physical soul) dont come till book 4 and also he gets revival ish powers at level 6 just ignore it dnd has diff balance to hwfwm its no biggie heres how you make it!

first step: we r gonna take the high elf for the powers BUT we r gonna reflavour it so he looks human

for the cantrip w r gonna take message to emulate his vc power

then we take a background: urchin! (but change 👏 the 👏 flavour 👏)

this is mainly for the proficiencies and also the mouse which we r gonna reflavour as a colin leech (ask ur dm)

u can drop all the other flavour items or ask if u can change em since yk the lore dont add up if ur playing jason fr

now time for ability scores since here u go:

str: 8 (-1)

dex: 13+2 = 15 (+2)

con: 14 (+2)

int: 10+1 = 11 (0)

wis: 12 (+1)

cha: 15 (+2)

step four is to choose a class so im going with warlock since 1: i like it 2: its a spellsword form level 1 just like jason 4: the flavour is nice

ok time for the good stuff:

start by grabing arcana and deception as ur class skills (replace one w stealth and maybe sleight of hand too if u didnt take urchin)

equipment: any simple weapon, an arcane focus, a scholar's pack, Leather armor, any simple weapon, and two daggers

(u can take whatever simple weapon u want or maybe even ask ur dm for a sword (short or long bc u get those proficiencies from high elf)

next we wanna take the undying subclass for all its nifty death defying undead fucking powers

(if ur playing bg3 or ur dm wont let you use SCAG content then take the great old one)

now for the spells and cantrips:

cantrips at first level we r gonna grab will be mage hand and poison spray (on top of message (high elf) and spare the dying (undying))

spells will be hex and comprehend languages

at second level we grab the armour of shadows and eyes of the rune keeper eldritch invocations, grab arms of hadar, and dump comprehend languages for cause fear

third level is time for the pact boon! take pact of the blade (though if u really want a familiar take pact of the chain instead) (some ei's we take have potb as a prequisite so then just pyf) and also misty step

level four we r gonna take the skulker feat (or +2 cha if u arent using optional feats) as well as finally picking up eldritch blast (it doesnt suit the flavour ik it makes him worse but it also makes him quirkyer) and also grabbing ray of enfeeblement

level 5 we grab ray of sickness (undying expanded spell list) or if not then remove curses and also the one with shadows invocation

level 6 we grab vampiric touch

level 7 you wanna take blight and grab the thrsting bade invocation (pyf if u didnt take potb)

level 8 we r grabbing +2 charisma and also dimension door

level 9 its contagion (hold monster for u tgoo guys) and also theif of five fates invocation

level 10 blade ward babyyy

level 11 darkness + circle of death mystic anacrum

level 12 take lifedrinker and another +2 charisma

level 13 grab counterspell and finger of death mystic anacrum

after that youre on ur own kid bc i cba to take it into the realms of trully unbalanced

feel free to use this (lmk how it goes havent tested it yet) and change anything up (id love some feedback!!!)

#:0 i spoke #hwfwm #he who fights with monsters #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #dnd #dungeons and dragons #dnd character

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

[tsumikoz]

HI UM idk if this is weird but I wanna start going by he/him as well as she/her.. if u just wanna use she/her tho that’s fine

#i was thinking abt it a lot last night n i realised i just.. like em both #i dont rlly like they/them v much tho im a bit iffy w that but its just.. nice #idk what i am gender wise idc @ this point tho i just wanna go by what makes me happy ya kno #i kno no1 will call me he irl it happened a whole once bc the guy i sat next 2 in english realised i always call myself a boy when talkin in #third person but thats mainly just bc its easier but the more i thought abt it the more i realised i kinda #kinda like it. basically i cba 2 figure out what i am gender wise id just like it if ppl could start using he 4 me.. #i feel as tho im kinda too comfortable w how feminine i am 2 be nb like i have long as shit hair n i like skirts n dresses #idk i feel as tho im kinda a stereotypical girl but i dont rlly like being referred 2 as a girl lol #IDK BRO ITS WEIRD i feel weird abt feelin like this. idk man hopefully some1 gets where im comin from

[leviiackrman]

tagged: by the delightful @binickmiller to answer some questions about music, books, films, & tv and then tag nine people! (i did 10 cus why not)

tagging: @thewolfkissed @tiptree @barncsbucky @boozerman @jamesbvchanans @mornignstars @zmassani @chrsievans @duffmckagans @severusnpe

MUSIC

favourite genres: practically anything but im a sucker for anything rock

favourite artists: you me at six, bring me the horizon, lauv, picture this, ac/dc, black stone cherry, lewis capaldi, YUNGBLUD, hayley kiyoko, 5 seconds of summer - to name a few

favourite songs: if it means a lot to you - a day to remember, feelings - lauv, wherever you will go - the calling, TAKE ON THE WORLD - YOU ME AT SIX (can you tell its my fave song), bangarang - skrillex [this playlist has all my fave songs in it]

song currently stuck in your head: hard to say considering i have headphones in aha but its gotta be what im currently listening to so “crazy” by makeout

favourite lyrics: i cba to go find some of my faves tbh so most lines from my fave songs

radio or your own playlist | solo artists or and bands | pop or indie | loud or silent volume I slow or fast songs | music video or lyrics video | speakers or and headset | riding a bus in silence or while listening to music | driving in silence or with radio on (usually my music)

context: i literally cannot function as a human without some kind of music playing

BOOKS

favourite book genre: im not the biggest reader tbh so i only have a v small collection to reference but do art of books count as a genre haha? if not then comic books/manga lmao

favourite writers: j.r.r. tolkien, hajime isayama, andrzej sapkowski

favourite book: the hobbit - j.r.r. tolkien

favourite book series: attack on titan manga if it counts lmao if not then lord of the rings - j.r.r. tolkien or the witcher series - andrzej sapkowski

comfort book: the art of: uncharted 4 a thief’s end - naughty dog

perfect book to read on a rainy day: anything comforting at that time? so currently thats the aot mangas or my atla comics OR any of my critical role books!

favourite characters: BILBO BAGGINS!! plus wayyyyyyy too many to name

five quotes from your favourite book that you know by heart: *shrug* i really don’t read enough to answer this haha

hardcover or paperback | buy or library (i wish i went to libraries more but i have no need) | standalone novels or book series | ebook or physical copy | reading at night or and during the day | reading at home or and in nature | listening to music while reading or reading in silence | reading in order or reading the ending first | reliable or unreliable narrator | realism or fantasy | one or and multiple POVS | judging by the covers or and by the summary | rereading or reading just once

TV AND FILMS

favourite tv/film genre: animation, horror or anything fantasy/otherwordly

favourite film: “singin’ in the rain” if its stand alone films

comfort film: anything classic disney, 10 things i hate about you, about time, love simon, how to train your dragon

film you watch every year: marvel marathon, lotr marathon

favourite tv show: attack on titan or critical role (more of a webseries but hey i count it)

comfort tv show: lmao attack on titan: junior high (if you’ve seen the main show and not this you are MISSING OUT. go watch it now) or avatar: the last airbender

most rewatched tv show: friends, attack on titan, the haunting of hill house

ultimate otp: oh fuck thats cruel to make me pick...

five favourite characters: bucky barnes, peggy carter, levi ackerman, merida, zuko

tv shows or and films | short seasons (8-13 episodes) or and full seasons (22 episodes or more) | one episode a week or binging | one season or multiple seasons | one part or saga | half hour or one hour long episodes | subtitles on or and off (depends on what i am watching) | rewatching or watching just once | downloads or watches online (im also considered old and still buy everything on dvd)

#tagged* #binickmiller #thank you!!! #its so hard to list your favourite things when it changes as often as mine haha #like theres ones that always stay but like my fave film??? feck that #i cant pick #it always depends on my mood #anyway thank you againnnnnn

[just-a-simple-beep]

@lizardmoor thank you so much for the tag!! So uh I'm assuming you just write down your favourite 10 debut albums and 5 recent songs, prepare for alot of mitski!

I have no idea how to cut off text so I'll go on my desktop later and change it!

Top 10 debut albums!

(I'll be honest idk the difference between an album and a debut album and I cba to search it up)

1. Puberty 2 (Mitski)

Okay this album is just good, it's my person favourite by Mitski. Idk what to say about it really, makes me break down and cry everytime I listen to it.

2. Bury me at make out creek (Mitski)

Again it's just such a good album, with absolute bangers such as 'I will' and 'drunk walk home' . Another album that makes me break down in tears.

3. Build a problem (Dodie)

This album!!! This album right here!!! Look at it a marvel!! The songs all flow into eachother beautifully!!! They are all so good!!!! Dodie outdid herself with this album and I cant wait to watch them live in september!!

4. Be the cowboy (Mitski)

OKAY THIS IS THE LAST MITSKI ALBUM ILL TALK ABOUT !!! Be the cowboy is what first got me into hee music and agagagaga it's so good!! It's an album I can dance and cry to! While nobody is the most known mitski song! Remember my name! Blue light! And Geyser are all bangers too!!

5. The waters fine (Liana Flores)

I listened to Liana at the end of my musical phase and into this new trying to find music that my friends will approve of phase. But her music- God it is so good! I cannot explain in words how much I love it! I feel so calm and at ease when listening to her!

6. Lemon Boy

I dont listen to Cavetown as much as I used to but this one is on here because I loved/ still love Cavetown! His songs are really sad but he was one of the first artists (ignoring musicals) that I really got into! And wah This is home and Lemon boy!! Both such good songs !!!

7. Lush

Real men. Brand new city. Pearl diver. Door. EVERY FUCKING SONG SLAPS,,, it is so sad,,, Mitksi let me give you a hug please,, I am in love with you

8. Teens of denial - Car Seat Headrest

The best thing @lizardmoor ever did was introduce me to car seat headrest sorry for making fun of them I take it back. Very very good!! 1937 state park... Vincent AND Cosmic hero.... my heart hehehe

9. You - Dodie

Such a happy album!!! It's so good!!! Instantly brightens my mood!!! AHHHHHHH!! I wish there were more songs on here!!!

10. Inside - Bo Burnham

Okay okay so this doesbt really count BUT oh my.... the FYCKING SADNESS AND THEN A SONG ABOUT JEFFERY BEZOS .... yes... I cry then laugh...

Okay 5 recent songs,,,

1. You weren't meant to see that - The Rare Occasions

Such a good sing the build up 😘👌 it's so good! One of those that I'll listen to on repeat for ages and then forget about and never touch again!

2. I will - Mitski

Being real here I project onto this song SO HARD. It's me and my friends..m looking after eachother... it's me healing... in the future that doesnt exist.. god I just want to look after my friends and live with them as far away from home as possible.

3. Like someone in Love - Björk

This song is so soft! I love it! It was on my discover weekly and now I listen to it ! Again a song that i want to heal to! I want to love life!

4. Dan the Dancer - Mitski

ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG!!! I am in love!!!

5. Something soon - Car Seat Headrest

I NEED SOMETHING SOON/ I CANT TALK TO MY FOLKS /I NEED, I NEED SOMETHING SOON/ LETS BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN

That is all ! Idk who to tag but uh (if you wanna do this as well)

@ratt--park @flushedaway

And anyone else!

#mitski #dodie #csh #car seat headrest #cavetown

[vanillatalc]

ive talked about it so much but im not really happy in my job :/ the job being the doll wig making. a lot of aspects i really DO enjoy but some of the stuff is so specifically bad for me (like the organisational + admin tasks i find really, really difficult + ive had to refund quite a few customers over the years bc i just cant get my shit together enough to ship out on time etc) - this i think is solvable w/ some planning, and idk why ive not actually done any planning of that ilk. i think i just assume ill get better at it as i go, but it’s not a skill problem, bc ive been doing this for 5y so like? i think i have got to bite the bullet and become a more organised person unfortunately.

think also: i need SOMETHING like a schedule - but not actually a schedule, bc i love the freedom to do whatever i want. that is like perk no. 1 of this job. but like perhaps a set no. of hours per week?

like im sure ive written this exact thing before, but pros / cons are something like:

pros -

1. good conversation starter, no one else really does what i do (lol) 2. some level of artistic satisfaction 3. near-total freedom job-wise - i can work wherever, whenever, not beholden to anyone, i am in charge 100% 4. seriously large chunks of money are involved in the doll business (people spend thousands on the naked, bald, eyeless dolls alone - none of mine cost less than £350 and i have like 5 of them), and if i could get a handle on the organisational aspects i would be earning surprising amounts of money probably lol (like i already earn probably more than you would expect). however this earning potential has always been tempered by a lack of desire to actually do any work, so its possible i just cba to work enough to become rich (which i mean, im not gonna try and change, im fine w/ that)

cons - 1. quite stressful never knowing where the next batch of alpaca will come from (this is a problem every few months max, bc i can only afford to buy about 5kg at a time, which is like... 75-100 wigs or st?) + having to do the email rounds is such a pain in the arse. and it’s not very secure. altho i have to say it’s never actually been a problem so far - so the lack of security might be more of a perception thing than a fact 2. it’s not a job that i feel like intellectually stimulated by 3. i dont really like key aspects of the process (e.g. shipping and admin) 4. have to FILE MY OWN FUCKING TAXES! 5. typical self-employed-in-a-niche-market shit like you can never be truly sure how finances are gonna go 6. it’s not exactly bettering humanity

me + ben + ana are gonna get a 3d printer in the new year and i am gonna start printing doll eyes, i think this will be a good addition to the business, maybe refresh me a bit, possibly a lucrative area and if it doesnt work out at least ill have had a bit of fun doing it. long-term not sure tbh. i find chess much more “intellectually stimulating” (gross phrase im so sorry lol) but i also dont think i could take spending all my time in that cesspool of an environment, so

#ideally i could just employ ben but i only earn enough for me atm #and there isnt enough admin to pay him to do it #but potentially if i could use the upcoming 3d printer to widen my scope significantly it might be worth thinking about what we could do tog

[aristosakielon]

thank you for tagging me @anxiousamoeba 🥰

1. Why did you choose your URL? it‘s a kind of wordplay i guess! (the way i pronounce it, they half-rhyme). the phrase ‚aristos achaion‘ from TSOA/the iliad(?) to describe Achilles (‚best of the greeks‘) i used and changed it to akielon since that‘s you know…damen from captive prince. which are my two favourite things (and i thought i was being clever). its a little funny since it technically refers to Achilles and Damianos, yet my favourite characters are actually their respective husbands.

2. Any sideblogs? nope! there is a dead account of mine on here from like 2013 but we don’t talk about that.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? uhhhhh a few years, but i only went on it occasionally back then

4. Do you have a queue tag? no, i am useless at technology so i don’t even know how to queue stuff

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? boredom, perhaps?

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? damen and laurent!!!!! because i am in love with them!!!! and its the official japanese art!!!! (one that isnt nsfw lolol). they are so tender in it 😭

7. Why did you choose your header? pretty painting, pretty art, pretty ancient looking…which tick all of my weak points honestly. and it has warm colours. to say the least.

8. What‘s your post with the most notes? probably the twelfth night capri drawings, but i don‘t check. if it means out of my own posts that is.

9. How many mutuals do you have? like three! and i love them.

10. How many followers do you have? i can’t be bothered checking right now lol, but maybe around 100-200? half are inactive i think

11. How many people do you follow? again, cba checking but probably around the same amount as followers (100ish)

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? - i don’t know what qualifies, but prolly. i don‘t tend to post myself that much, when i do though it is a trainwreck.

13. How often do you use tumblr? - too often

14. Have you ever had a fight/argument with another blog? no, i have social anxiety. even if someone looks at me funny i think about it for exactly three years after, so i think i would positively decease

15. How do you feel about „you need to reblog“ posts? what like the ‚reblog and you will get extreme fortune in two days, if not someone close to you will die‘ or world issues type ones?? if so, they give me so much anxiety so i don’t like them and the first ones are just plain wrong and i never reblog those. i feel awful about not reblogging world issues/political ones, but i read them and help/share in my own way. if its about cute cats or artwork like ‚you need to reblog this masterpiece’ then i am indifferent. if i misunderstood this question then whoops!

16. Do you like tag games? sure! kinda indifferent again. its nice that people think of me, but i only have the energy to do them when i‘m bored so i feel bad and i hate sharing opinions sometimes

17. Do you like ask games? same as above i guess^

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? uhhhhh ???🤷🏻🤷🏾‍♂️🤷🏼‍♀️ not mutuals, but i’ve interacted with capri artists and writers and such which made me feel like a fanatic fan lol

tagging: @proserpina-09 !

[tsumikoz]

bro I feel so halloweeny right here right now

#its the exact halloween weather meaning its cold but just slightly too much 2 b pleasant ya kno hegsgwcsgv #i have my window open so its making my hands cold but god am so excited 4 halloween #my sister said we r gonna have a halloween party so B) #i would draw smth halloweeny but cba to get up and have no ideas tbh geusgghhnj #still! halloween vibezzzz B) #as a replacement am gonna make a costume on msp bc im loser