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stereax · 8 months

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is there a reason why Carolina is losing all their affiliates???

Other than being assholes to Erik Haula?

Okay, but in all seriousness, there's a short answer and a long one.

The short answer is two words long: Pyotr Kochetkov.

The long answer? Meet me under the cut.

Alright, hi there. So to answer this question fully, we need to talk about the AHL in depth. The AHL, or American Hockey League, is the second-highest league of North American pro hockey, under the NHL. Most people tend to believe it's just "where prospects play before they hit the NHL". This is... only a part of the story.

There are 32 teams in the AHL to match 32 NHL teams. The idea there is that every NHL team would have an AHL affiliate - the most recent expansion, for example, the Coachella Valley Firebirds, is the AHL affiliate for the newest NHL team, the Seattle Kraken. Many of these teams are owned by the same group as owns the NHL team - Harris Blitzer, for example, owns both the New Jersey Devils and the Utica Comets. Others don't - the AHL's Charlotte Checkers, for instance, are owned by Michael Kahn, whereas their NHL affiliate, the Florida Panthers, is owned by Sunrise Sports (aka Vincent Viola).

Why is this important? Well, if you're an NHL team that owns your AHL team, you can let that AHL team leak money. You're turning a good profit on the NHL team, so you don't have to make your AHL team economically viable on its own - you just put it in as a massive tax write-off and go on with your day. Thus, you can put all of your AHL team's resources into developing your AHL players to get ready to play at the NHL level. Of course you sign some vets and such of your own, maybe get a few undrafted guys for the AHL team too, but generally, an NHL-owned AHL team's sole purpose is to develop NHL players. Winning the Calder Cup (the AHL equivalent to the Stanley Cup, not to be confused with the Calder Memorial Trophy given to the best NHL rookie) is just gravy on top.

Contrast this to independently-owned AHL teams, where this is not the case. For these teams, making money is paramount. How do you make money? When you win. Fun fact - the Chicago Wolves, incidentally, used to be televised on main channels partially as a fuck you to Bill Wirtz, who didn't let the Chicago Blackhawks' home games be televised, presumably to drive ticket sales. The Wolves saw that and pounced on the opportunity to make some cash. So if nothing else, love them for sticking it to the Hawks. You can still watch Wolves games on My50, it seems, if you've got that channel, as well as AHL streaming options.

But back to independently-owned AHL teams before I go on my daily anti-Hawks crusade. You want to make money. You do that when you win. When you make the postseason. When you win in the postseason. Independently-owned AHL teams want to win, not necessarily develop for the NHL. So when your NHL team keeps taking your best player away for weeks and then giving him back... you get annoyed.

Let's now talk about the ECHL and the Norfolk Admirals. Thankfully, this is going to be a lot simpler. The ECHL, unlike the AHL, has only 28 teams. This means 4 NHL teams don't have an ECHL team. In addition, very few, if any, ECHL teams are owned by their NHL affiliates. This further incentivizes them to play for profit (winning the Kelly Cup, the ECHL version of the Stanley Cup) instead of development. On top of this, relatively few ECHL players actually make it to the NHL. ECHL affiliates change fairly frequently, especially due to many of the teams folding because of financial issues (most recently the Brampton Beast, Manchester Monarchs, and Quad City Mallards). So if an ECHL team decides to drop its NHL affiliate, or vice versa, there are four other suitors, all of whom would probably want to pay the ECHL team decent money to be their associate. For the Admirals, it's easy - they see the Canes lose their AHL affiliate and decide they'd rather take the Jets' offer instead, whether it be for the money (Carolina's supposedly notoriously stingy) or for the security. It's just really fucking funny that it happens at the same time Carolina loses their AHL team. Get fucked lol.

Now let's play Chicago Wolves Simulator. You are Don Levin and Buddy Meyers, the Wolves' owners. Your goal is to win the Calder Cup or at least come pretty damn close so you can pay the bills. You have a good team - hell, you won the Calder last year! - but your best asset is this star goaltender named Pyotr Kochetkov. When Koochie's in net, you usually win because he bails out your team. When he isn't there to help you win, you kind of don't. Now, Carolina's going through its own issues in net, so they keep calling Koochie up and down. And, as previously mentioned, you kind of suck without Koochie. To be fair, you're not all that great with him, but you suck without him. And you have no control over when he goes up to Carolina, even just to sit on the bench.

You miss the playoffs by one point. One. And your three-year contract with the Canes is up. What do you do?

Waddell Young, GM of the Wolves, says their philosophy and the Canes' fundamentally differed. The Wolves develop and win. Winning develops, to them. The Canes wanted the Wolves to focus solely on development. Not winning. So, when their deal with the Canes was up, the Wolves said "no thanks, we're not going to continue this, we're going independent". This decision makes them the first non-NHL affiliated team in almost 30 years. Now, this isn't to say all independently-owned AHL teams are doomed to fail in partnerships because of divergent philosophies. Look at the Hershey Bears and the Washington Capitals for a prime example of that - the Bears are one of the best teams in the AHL and have won four Calder Cups with the Caps as their affiliates since their affiliation began in 2005. But the Wolves were quite unhappy with the Canes, and so the two split. Also notable is that the Canes have also poisoned the waters with who should be their local AHL affiliate, the Charlotte Checkers, to the point where the Checkers affiliated with the Panthers instead. So... there's that.

So what can the Canes now do with non-roster players? They can affiliate with another AHL team (co-affiliation); one instance of this was when the Seattle Kraken affiliated with the Charlotte Checkers in 21-22 because the Coachella Valley Firebirds weren't yet ready. Supposedly the plan is to get an affiliate for 24-25. But what do they do this year? Especially if they can't find an affiliate to share, which seems more and more likely as the summer drags on? Well, you can't sign players to two-way deals with the Wolves anymore, so you can't really keep veterans around in the AHL to call up if needed. So you... sign nine defensemen to NHL contracts and carry them on the roster at all times. Yep. Don Waddell, Canes GM, has basically stated outright that his roster is probably going to have to carry 22 or 23 players at all times to be sure to have replacements in case of injury. And your prospects? They either go to Europe, where they're basically inaccessible for the whole year, or you loan them to other AHL clubs. Waddell has said plans are in place with several teams to send 2 or 3 players each to several different AHL clubs. For your youngest, they go back to major junior in the CHL and related leagues. Same for your veterans - if you want to keep them, you'll have to sign them one-way (I believe) and then loan them down to scattered AHL teams across the league. Prospects who you could have signed to play in the AHL and develop? You're probably going to have to let them go to free agency (see: Kevin Wall, leading player for Penn State and Carolina draft pick, who just inked a deal with the Milwaukee Admirals, AHL affiliate of the Nashville Predators). And then you can send your worse prospects to your ECHL tea- wait. Oops. They just lost that too. Can't do that either. Well, shit.

And remember, one of the Canes' biggest assets is their system of play (with strong defense) that they execute well. The Wolves needed to teach their players the Canes' system and prepare them so the jump from AHL to NHL wouldn't be that tough. The Canes put their coaches on the Wolves for that purpose (the Wolves have since cleaned house and instated their own). Loaning your players to another AHL team? Why would that team be incentivized to teach your player(s) the system? So now even when you're calling up someone to play for the Canes, you have no idea how well they know the system and no idea how well they can play in it.

This now begs the other question - how will the Wolves fill their roster? Well, they've got options. Generally, an AHL team takes the prospects of its NHL affiliate and then fills the rest of the roster with AHL veteran free agents that the AHL team signs to AHL-only deals. But without an NHL team, it's a smidge more complicated, or perhaps easier. Firstly, other NHL teams can loan their prospects to the Wolves instead of their own AHL teams if they consider the Wolves better at developing them, for instance. The Wolves can now also sign whatever free agent players they find roaming around that could be a good fit for their team - undrafted college players, good ECHL players that can't seem to get called up enough, AHL veterans, players on European teams (especially Russians who might want the chance to get the fuck out of Russia) and so on. These free agent players could see the Wolves as a stable AHL team that can pay solid money (the AHL doesn't have a cap) with a strong chance at contending for the Calder as well as a possible stepping stone to an NHL contract. The Wolves also don't have to worry about these free agents taking ice time away from the Canes' prospects, who would need to be prioritized under an affiliation, which would also be a strong incentive for AHL free agent veterans to sign with them - they'd be able to get a truly fair chance, unlike under an affiliate system where prospects are the priority and free agents are generally playing fewer (and worse) minutes.

And remember - Chicago just drafted Bedard. The city's getting back into hockey and Hawks tickets are expensive. Want to watch some quality hockey on the cheap? Why not come to Wolves games! They're only 18 miles away from the Hawks, too!

TL;DR stan the Wolves for rejecting the system. Canes Suck.

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #stereducation #carolina hurricanes #chicago wolves #norfolk admirals #ahl #echl

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stereax · 18 days

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Arber Xhekaj and Jack are having their shoulder surgeries done by the same doctor on the same day

Yep!

I now want a fic where they're sucking on popsicles in the waiting room afterwards and still a little loopy from the anesthesia <3

#also. jack is Very Tiny and arber is Very Lorge.#I'm not saying size kink. but I'm not NOT saying that either :)#stereanswers #sterechats :)

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stereax · 10 days

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The coyotes staff and players were still on the ice 50 minutes after the game ended handing out sticks and hats to fans 😭

HI THANKS FOR MAKING ME CRY SOME MORE 😭😭😭

#stereanswers #arizona coyotes #fuck man they didn't deserve this!!!

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stereax · 10 months

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Can you explain the erik-canes drama please 😚

Yeah, no problem, anon! Meet me under the read more for the details :)

So last night we found Haulzy wearing a "Canes Suck" bracelet -

(let the record show I posted this FIRST before the Canes fans found it because I am speedier than them and also much better in every single way 😉)

Now, you may be asking yourself, "why is a grown, 32-year-old hockey player of a man wearing a bracelet that says Canes Suck on it?" That is a WONDERFUL question. First, let's look at Haula's career.

Erik Haula was drafted in the seventh round by Minnesota. He played for the Wild for a few years before, well, the Wild essentially sold him to the Golden Knights in the expansion draft - they basically sent Vegas Alex Tuch (one of their better prospects) for a third and "expansion draft considerations", meaning the Knights would choose Haula in the draft and not a player like Matt Dumba or Marco Scandella, who were more vital to the Wild's core.

Haula plays for the Knights for two years - he's part of the team that wills itself into the Cup finals in 2017-18. In 2018-19, Haula goes down early, getting injured in a game against Toronto that keeps him out the rest of the season.

Vegas trades him to Carolina three days before his wedding. It's a Kelly McCrimmon move - and if you know the Knights, you know what that means (trading fan favorites for better returns). By all accounts, Haula loved Vegas, so he's going into this Carolina thing with some apprehension, especially because this is the last year on his contract. If he puts up good numbers, he's going to get a payday. If not, well, probably not. Remember, he had a career year in 2017-18. He wants to prove he's got what it takes.

Alright. He gets there, gets hurt for a few games with an LBI, comes back, gets hurt again and is out for a few weeks. At the time he gets his second injury, he's got 11 points in 16 games, with 8 goals, one less than team leaders Svechnikov, Aho, and Hamilton (all of whom played more games). So the dude's playing stellar, but then gets banged up. He slots back into the lineup just before Christmas.

And here's where things go south. You see, Haula and his wife, Kristen, were planning to start a family. Kristen got pregnant probably around August, given that when Haula posted the baby announcement on his Instagram he noted a May due date.

The baby is found without a heartbeat 12/30/19.

Erik Haula plays the next day and pots a goal and an assist.

It's a second-trimester miscarriage, which means it's likely Kristen had to deliver a stillborn baby.

He points to the sky after the goal, honoring his lost daughter.

It's around this time that relations between Haula and the Canes begin to take a nosedive.

(Fun fact, contrary to what Canes fans will tell you, Haula's play only suffered significantly after the miscarriage. In the four games in December he played before the miscarriage, he got 2 goals and 2 assists, so in 20 games he had 15 points which is nothing to scoff at for a middle-sixer. Despite being tossed around a bit in the lineup, he was still producing very well.)

Reports of exactly what was going on are incredibly difficult to find and are generally tainted by the biases of whoever writes them. It's stated that Haula was, in some way or another, "forced" to play the day after the miscarriage and never given time to emotionally recover from it. He gets scratched a few times (and again, it's a contract year for him, so ice time is exceedingly valuable). There are rumors of a "shouting match" between Haula and head coach Rod Brind'Amour. Supposedly, he's not participating in after-game workouts that Brind'Amour makes the team do (for recovery) and thus "doesn't fit the culture of the team", "has no respect", and "is a jerk". (Which... we'd prefer him do work on the ice, thanks???) Other rumors say he's "bullying" the rookies on the Canes (which have never been corroborated by a reliable source nor been backed up by similar actions anywhere else). Kristen makes vague posts on Instagram that Canes fans interpret as being derogatory towards the team - Reddit widely quotes one as "Don't allow your loyalty to become slavery. If they aren't appreciating what you bring to the table, let them eat alone."

So Haula gets dealt at the deadline to the Panthers as part of a deal for Vincent Trocheck, after playing only 41 games for the Canes. And he journeys around the NHL for a few years after that before finding his home in New Jersey.

Ever since then, the Canes have absolutely haunted Haula. The "1-14" thing Canes fans put on pictures of him? It's because, since leaving the Canes, he's won once at their home rink (PNC)... and lost 14 times. In three consecutive years, his teams have lost to the Canes each time in the playoffs (Predators, Bruins, then Devils, respectively). He's the first player that happened to, where he played for three different teams and each year lost to the same team.

Canes fans boo him every time he touches the ice - for them, he's a traitor that shit-talked Raleigh and the team and backs it up by playing like a goon when he's against them.

So if there's one person on the whole Devils roster who deserves to wear a Canes Suck bracelet, it's Uncle Haula.

Go off, king.

📿👑

~ [ Addendum 1: Pasta ] ~

David Pastrnak, much like Erik Haula, also lost a child - his son died only six days old. I'm sure, when Pasta accidentally ran into Antti Raanta on the ice during the 2022 playoffs, they didn't go on his socials and make disgusting comments about his child's death...

Oh? They did? Well then.

Canes fans will tell you they only had the utmost of respect for Haula during his miscarriage and never used it against him, both during and after his Canes tenure. Somehow, I doubt that.

But maybe that's just me.

~ [ Addendum 2: Signs ] ~

When Canes fans make signs like this about you, it's understandable why you get upset.

The sign reads "It's me. Haula. I'm the problem. It's me. Hi everybody agrees", with cutouts of Haula's former teams' logos pasted on top.

What's so strange is that no Panthers, Bruins, Knights, Predators, or Wild fans seem to have a problem with Haula. It's only the Canes fans calling him "locker room cancer". Jack Hughes disagrees with this assessment.

Coincidentally, the "locker room cancer" charge was also famously said about Dougie Hamilton...

Oh, hey, look, some Canes fans behind the Devils' bench, just behind Jack, made a sign! I'm sure it's nice and respectful :)

Wait, is that Ellen Weinberg-Hughes next to a man whose face is photoshopped to be Sebastian Aho?

The sign says "Jack Your Mom's A Ho", by the way.

And several Canes players signed it.

"Bunch of jerks" is right.

So if you wonder why Jack Hughes beat the shit out of Sebastian Aho... look no further.

~ [ Addendum 3: Culture ] ~

Once again, I point you to this post by eugeniosuarez -

1 is about Jordan Staal, 2 and 3 are about Tony DeAngelo, if you're unsure.

Yeah, I think I see the culture problem here. Just to be clear, this one, right?

Glad we're on the same page 👍

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #stereducation #not your typical analysis but still #uncle haula #erik haula #nj devils #new jersey devils #carolina hurricanes

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stereax · 4 months

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I’m particularly mad at Verbeek because it really does sound like a JD trade has been in the books for a while (re: him not playing the last few games last season that would have given him more ability to decide where he was traded), yet it really does sound like he was blindsided by this because he was on the plane to Nashville with the ducks when he was told. Torts and Danny B. said this trade has been in the works for months. Idk if they were talking about trading Gauthier or the trade with the ducks specifically, but even so I can’t get over the shadiness (mostly on Anaheim’s side, I get that the Flyers were doing what they could in a bad situation— also I’ve seen a tweet that says Kevin Hayes had some hand in Gauthier not wanting to play with the flyers 👀). I get that it’s a business, but that’s no excuse to be so cutthroat to young players who were fully committed to the team.

Right??? Basically everyone is cringe here except Drysdale. And, like - I get trying to move Drysdale as an injury prone asset who may be being forced out the pipeline by other prospects (Mintyukov, Zellweger, Luneau). I even get trying to move on as a sort of change in regime (moving away from the JDTZ new era and to a McTavish, Carlsson, Gauthier, and even Dostal-led one). But damn this feels SO fumbled on Jamie's side, like - if you knew a trade was going down, why didn't you leave Jamie in Anaheim at least? Tell him he's getting traded? I don't get it. Gauthier was being shopped for a while, too, so Verbeek probably had an idea he was gonna try to move Jamie for him.

(iirc Hayes and Gauthier both said Hayes didn't say a damn thing about the Flyers, sounds like Gauthier just thinks he's a little entitled to NHL ice and the Flyers think they didn't want to pay the bonuses in Gauthier's contract and they pissed Gauthier off.)

#stereanswers #jamie drysdale #philadephia flyers

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stereax · 6 months

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This whole deal with Ottawa and Dadonov - could you possibly help me understand what happened plainly? I'm a little confused with the twitter lingo. Thank you 💙

No prob, anon! Under the cut for you 💜

So Evgenii Dadonov, when he signed his contract with Ottawa, had an M-NTC (modified no-trade clause, or colloquially a no-trade list). I believe he could put 10 teams on the list. What that means is, by a certain time on a certain day (usually, the first day of free agency), he submits a list of teams he would NOT consent to be traded to. If his team (the Senators) wants to trade him to a team that is NOT on this list, they can do it and he can't complain (like the Bruins did with Taylor Hall, shipping him to Chicago because it wasn't on his list). If they want to trade him to a team that IS on this list, they basically have to beg him to waive the M-NTC, and he can say no, and they can go kick sand about it (like the Blues had to because Torey Krug wouldn't waive his full NMC to facilitate the Kevin Hayes trade).

When the Senators traded Dadonov to Vegas, he did not have Vegas on his no-trade list, but he did have Anaheim. He keeps his M-NTC when he moves from Ottawa to Vegas, as he didn't have to waive it. Vegas later trades him to Anaheim, and when he and his agent hear about it, they immediately ask "What the fuck, wasn't Anaheim on the no-trade list?" The NHL confirms it and the trade is cancelled, much to the embarrassment of the Knights. Oops.

So why are the Senators being punished? When Vegas and Ottawa were on call to figure out their trade, Vegas (obviously) asked Ottawa "hey, so what's Dadonov's no-trade list?" And Ottawa said "oh, he didn't submit one this year." This was a lie - Dadonov did, in fact, submit the no-trade list. Supposedly, Dorion was the only person on the call, which is also highly suspect. So from what it sounds, Dorion knowingly lied to the Knights about the no-trade list not having been submitted, presumably to get them to agree to the trade, and this blew up in his face.

There's apparently a 73-page document that the NHL issued after investigating this, so it's safe to say that Dorion is almost certainly guilty here. And Andlauer, the new owner, is NOT happy about losing that first-round pick. So Dorion got canned.

But why is Vegas doing this? Mostly to clear themselves from the stigma of not honoring M-NTCs. Vegas is... kind of infamous for being a place where contracts go to die and people get traded with no feelings involved (see: Marc-André Fleury). Having a reputation, however real, of ignoring no-trade lists? Not great. At all. So Vegas wants to clear its name here, officially.

Also, a little bit, to help themselves in the long run - if Ottawa loses a first-round pick, everyone else moves up one spot. So it helps, just a little bit, in the future.

"But wait, isn't there an NHL-owned registry of no-trade clauses?" LOL no, actually! It's a privacy thing, from what it sounds like - imagine if someone got their hands on all the no-trade list details and leaked them. It could cause massive backlash. So the NHL puts the burden on teams, and teams have generally been good at dealing with no-trade list stuff and transmitting the necessary information. Well, until now.

Hope this helps!!!

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #ottawa senators #pierre dorion #evgenii dadonov

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stereax · 6 months

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I seek your wisdom, o wise one.

Exactly how screwed are the sharks, the flames, and the oilers?

You can't see me but I am RUBBING MY HANDS IN DELIGHT at this ask. Nothing I love more than talking about why teams suck. As always, meet you under the cut! 💜

(Also, sorry this took so long! Had to make a presentation on the Chinese Super League for sports diplomacy and it siphoned my will to live.)

Do I have you? Great! Okay. Let's go one by one.

CALGARY FLAMES: CANDLE IN THE WIND

I, for one, never got the hype behind the Flames. Every pundit in the entire NHL was saying "Oh, the Flames are going to have a massive bounceback year, last year was a down year for everyone!" And now look at them. 3-7-1 to start the season with a mere 7 points in 11 games.

Spoiler alert: Trading your best forward in points production to literal Satan for a single corn chip is not going to help you be competitive. Who'd'a thunk it?

In addition, there seems to be a major coaching problem. On theory, this team should be solid. Maybe not top of the league good, but solid enough to make a wildcard spot at least. But you watch the systems at play and they just don't work with the players. For instance, Huberdeau is an east-west player being forced to play a north-south system. He can't do what he does best, make plays, because the current north-south system simply won't allow it. Firing Sutter was supposed to fix this locker room. It only seems to have made the problems worse. Christ, Zadorov is apologizing to the fans because they're playing that shittily.

How screwed are they? Probably a solid 8/10. Markstrom seems to have bounced back, but the team in front of him has not, tanking his save percentage because the defense simply cannot defend. We're being treated to a classic Huberdeau and Kadri Disappearing Act (2-4-6 and -12; 1-4-5 and -12). Mangiapane and Andersson have both gotten suspensions already for no god damn reason. All extension talks (Lindholm and Hanifin chief among them) have been suspended. It's chillingly possible this team will have to sell big at the deadline to get any value out of their expiring UFAs - and then what? You've got a few good pieces (Cary, Sharangovich, Wolf) that can lead your retool, but you've also got anchor weights in massively underperforming contracts, like the aforementioned Huberdeau's, that come with no-move clauses and are just such bad deals that even if those clauses were waived, who'd take them?

EDMONTON OILERS: BULLS ON PARADE

I think if you told anyone in July that the Edmonton Oilers were going to start their season 2-7-1 in 10 games, you would be laughed out the door. And yet.

I do have to preface this by saying yes, McDavid was out for several games, and when you're without the best player in the NHL, it gets tougher to win games. But fuck, man. The Devils are now down BOTH their top six centers for the foreseeable future and yet they're still managing to win games. You know why? DEPTH SCORING. Something that the Oilers have not had since seemingly the 80s. If your game plan revolves so strongly around one guy, chances are you'll be fucked anyway if that guy goes down.

Also, Campbell cannot stop a beach ball in net. Skinner isn't much better. How much of this is the defense and how much is just the goalies sucking? Unclear, but it is NOT a good sign. Although the Oilers mostly work under "outscore your opponent before they outscore you", you want to be able to make SOME timely saves. Neither tendy is giving any hope recently.

And all this can ultimately be traced back to Ken Holland fucking this team over with contracts. Nurse did not deserve that much. Kane is questionable at best. Campbell? Christ. And then you have no cap room to sign actually decent bottom sixers and then wonder why they're getting shelled. Why is Sam Gagner, a random legacy Oiler on a league minimum contract, on your second line? Make it make sense!

The thing is - you CAN win if you have a few guys getting paid the big bucks. Just look at Vegas for an example of that. You CAN'T win if you have a few guys getting paid the big bucks and almost no depth beyond your top line where you stack McDavid and Draisaitl to try to get SOMETHING going. You can't doubleshift those two across the entire lineup. I know, it sucks.

SAN JOSE SHARKS: COLD WATER

How screwed are they? I'll give them a 6/10. We're seeing the "or bust" part of "cup or bust". Can they turn it around? They have McJesus. Anything is POSSIBLE when you have McJesus. But it's not looking pretty, at all. I bet they end up in the wildcard hunt, or close to it. Just enough to maybe make the playoffs but too exhausted to do anything else.

Remember, Draisaitl's contract is up after 24-25. McDavid, 25-26. Will they want to stay in this garbage fire? If one, or God forbid both, ask to be traded, this team better channel the early 2010s and tank hard.

And now we reach the ultimate lolcow. These guys STINK. 0-10-1 in 11 games. .045 points percentage. The only point they managed to get was because Blackwood stood on his motherfucking HEAD in game 2.

But then you have contracts like Hertl, Vlasic, and Couture, which you can't move and which will weigh down the franchise for years while it tries to rebuild. What are you going to do with them? How will you get rid of them?

What's the problem? More to the point: What isn't??? There's zero star power on the entire roster. The defense doesn't know how to defend and the offense can't score against a Shooter Tutor, much less an actual NHL goalie. The goalies... they're trying! I think! Give them credit. And Quinn's trying, maybe, to coach? But when do you kick his ass to the curb too, just to try to put some life back into that lineup? That is the world's deadliest team. It's like hockey is a punishment to them!

FanDuel is running bets on when they will finally win their first regular season game. That's how ass they are. I wish I were kidding.

On top of all this, the locker room seems like it's going up in flames. Remember the Nucks' 10-1 beating of the Sharks? Kahkonen, the Sharks' tendy, got injured after the sixth goal, when Kuzmenko ran into him. Kuzmenko and the Canucks made sure Kahkonen was alright and that it wasn't a major injury. The Sharks? They just went back to the bench!

This unironically is probably the worst team in my lifetime, and maybe for decades before I was born too. They're just so BAD. There's no redeeming reason to watch Sharks games at all except to laugh at the Sharks as they get 10 goals dumped on them.

How screwed are they? 10/10*. I'm sorry, but fucking Zetterlund is leading your team in goals. ZETTERLUND. I cannot name ONE player on that roster who I would send to an All-Star Game. Maybe Blackwood, if he doesn't crumble into fucking dust first. And knowing how injury prone he is, he just might.

But this is a 10/10 with an asterisk. And here's why: * They WANT to be bad. The worse they do this year, the better their chances for Celebrini or whoever is the first overall. That's the idea of the Shark Tank. And if that's the goal, it's being executed perfectly.

There you go, anon! Hope this helps! If you have any more questions, feel free to drop into my inbox! 💜

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #san jose sharks #calgary flames #edmonton oilers

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stereax · 3 months

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Sure I'll bite, tell me about the trade oh wise one

VANCOUVER GOT FLEEEEEEEECED-

Ahem. Ahem.

Instant Stereanalysis - Lindholm/Kuzmenko Trade

Okay, so Lindholm was linked to the Nucks for a while - the Nucks don't really have a 2C. Pettersson and Miller can both play C, but they're much better together on the "Lotto line" with Boeser. So it makes sense why Lindholm was moved.

It also makes sense why Kuzmenko was. He's not performing to his contract and is becoming $5.5m in the press box. So he was likely going to be moved anyway.

My problem is everything else about the trade. Lindholm for Kuzmenko, 1 for 1, would make sense. Okay, Lindholm is the better player, and has a lower cap hit, so you need to throw in extras. Vancouver does this by... throwing in Brzustewicz (75th overall d-man prospect from 2023 who looks like a steal). And a first. And a conditional fourth. And Joni Jurmo (a decent d-man prospect in the Liiga right now). You see the problem here?

Plus, Lindholm has neither an extension in place nor RFA status after the season. If Vancouver flames out - pardon the pun - early in the playoffs this year (and I suspect they might), Lindholm can simply walk, and you just threw away Kuzy, a first (which, if they lose in the first round in the playoffs, would be in the 17-24 range), and one and a half good d-man prospects for what, 30-40 games of Lindholm? Ouch.

Now, if Vancouver re-signs Lindholm on a reasonable deal, this trade will look a lot better. As it stands, though... Yikes. Patrick Allvin's first trade under his new extension is not great.

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #elias lindholm #vancouver canucks #andrei kuzmenko #calgary flames

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stereax · 9 months

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I'm not very aware of hockey booktok but like what's going on over there?! It seems awful

not well-versed on it either. I think @hard4softthings knows more than I do. but tl;dr FROM WHAT I KNOW -

Seattle Kraken find out about BookTok that they seem to interpret is promoting their players. They ask one influential BookToker if she wants to have an all-expenses paid trip to a Kraken game (presumably to grow the Kraken's following among the new generation). Problem with BookTok is that, unlike HockeyBlr and Ao3, BookTok has very little understanding of a fourth wall. BookTokers went to games with signs like "krak my back Wennberg" (one of the players) which. Yikes.

So Felicia Wennberg, wife of Alex Wennberg, writes an Insta story post that's like "we love our fans but like please don't do this, Alex is a married man and it's making us uncomfortable, not to mention that if he were a woman and the people doing this stuff were men this would be clearly viewed as sexual harassment". Alex later posts a similar story. BookTok does NOT receive this well and begins attacking the Wennbergs for... asking people to not catcall Alex while he's working??? I guess??? And posting nasty comments on their Instagram posts dating back a while...

I also think there was something about Felicia being a racist because the BookToker she called out was Black? Which, I don't buy that she's racist for asking a Black person not to do something bordering on sexual harassment, but again, I don't know all the details here.

Just don't go on TikTok ever for any reason ever and you'll be fine. That's the general rule I stick to in life and it serves me well.

Also, lock your fics, lock your tumblrs, and generally work to keep the fourth wall intact because people will be ANGRY and posting nasty stuff on whatever they can find. Which, you should be doing this anyway because NHLers generally don't want to look up their name casually and find posts thirsting over them, fics about them boning their teammates, and whatever else have you. Except maybe Tyler Seguin but that drama is a WHOLE other can of worms.

Again, I might be wrong about this but this is just what I understood from the posts I've seen about it. If I am wrong, please feel free to correct me.

Good luck. o7

#stereanswers

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stereax · 4 months

Note

in terms of the zegras trade talk, is there any way (in terms of cap situation etc) that it would be possible for him to join jamie in philly?

and which teams do you think it are likely for him to go to otherwise?

thank you in advance <3

Hi there anon! So so sorry for the delay on this, I hope you're not too mad at me.

Your question is incredibly intriguing, but it's not quite exact. Any team, theoretically, can pick up Zegras, as long as they move the right pieces back or conduct the proper cap gymnastics. That being said, many GMs will not find him worth the price, and, furthermore, not worth the hassle of potentially taking a sledgehammer to the future.

Moving Zegras during the season (as in before the trade deadline) versus in the offseason would play out drastically differently under the cap and mean different decisions from Verbeek and co. Meet me under the cut for more!

So let's talk about the cap. I don't know how much you know about it, anon, but let me give a quick refresher. The NHL has a "hard" salary cap; teams cannot surpass the limit, full stop. (This is contrasted with MLB soft cap, for instance, where you just pay more tax for being over the cap.) There is one notable example, however: LTIR. Standing for Long-Term Injured Reserve (well, not really, but we all call it that), LTIR allows teams to surpass the salary cap, as long as a player on the team is "bona fide" injured and will be out for more than 24 days and 10 games.

Now here's the complicated thing: cap "accrues" every day that you're under it. (Kind of like it gains interest.) So, as the cap is 83.5m, if your team only makes 82.5m, you have that extra 1m accruing. This is key at the trade deadline where that 1m can end up as over double that to play with in extra wiggle room. (At the trade deadline, you can trade for a 2m player and be at 84.5m, but since you accrued the cap earlier in the season it averages out and is okay.) However, when you have players on LTIR, your cap basically stops accruing. This is why you'll see teams keep season-ending injuries as regular IR and not LTIR if they can - it helps the cap accrue. (Two instances of this right now are Kirby Dach and Dougie Hamilton, both out for the season as far as we're concerned, neither on LTIR.) Notably, in the playoffs, you can activate players off LTIR and go over the cap because of some badly written rules that nobody wants to fix (literally). This is often colloquially termed "pulling a Kucherov" after the Tampa Bay Lightning did this in the 2020-21 season, putting Nikita Kucherov on LTIR for the entire year, using his cap hit to acquire players, then reactivating him game 1 of the playoffs and going wildly over the cap limit. And it's pretty dang successful too - the Vegas Golden Knights emulated that success with Mark Stone last season.

So here's where we take a look at Philly.

Philly has around $3m in deadline cap space. Zegras's contract has a $5.75m cap hit (for this year and two more). Now, he could be traded to Philly at 50% retained salary at the deadline, but this would likely require giving up a lot of extra capital in exchange for Anaheim holding that 50% of cap hit on Zegras for the next three years. (Generally, retaining salary on an expiring deal costs a lot less than on a deal with extra years left, for hopefully obvious reasons.) Philly won't do this. This would be stupid from Briere. If they want Zegras, they have a much better plan in their back pocket: Ryan Ellis.

Ryan Ellis is a defenseman with a $6.25m cap hit for the next four years. His career is most likely over; he has a rare back injury that he's probably not going to recover from in a way that will let him play hockey again. At least in theory, he plays for the Flyers. However, he's been sitting on IR all year. If Philly wants to acquire Zegras, they will (almost certainly) slide Ellis to LTIR and use that $6m in cap space to put Zegras in. The one problem with this is it forces Ellis to LTIR for the rest of his career, most likely, and disadvantages the Flyers in the long run.

Option three is just to make space with bad or nonvaluable contracts. Cal Petersen buries $3.85m in the minors. (Buried contracts are weird; essentially, if you send guys on certain kinds of contract - as in expensive - down to the AHL, you're on the hook for some or most of the salary.) Move that contract anywhere and Philly should have room for Zegras at the deadline. Plus it makes it easier for the team to deal with new contacts. Or you move Cam Atkinson, an aging vet making $5.875m, to a team that's not on his modified no-trade clause and free that space for Zegras. Or you move Rasmus Ristolainen, an underperforming defenseman making $5.1m... See what I mean? Any team you like has options to move around cap to pick up Zegras. Not only the teams like Chicago, Buffalo, and Nashville who have the obvious cap space, but also teams trying to retool into younger cores could be keenly interested. (I could go through all the teams in the NHL as potential suitors, but that might be too much information. Unless you want that. In which case, ask and I'll do it.)

That being said, it sounds like Zegras will be moved during the offseason - and that makes sense, as usually contracts with significant term and roster-forming implications aren't traded at the deadline. At that point, with UFA contracts going off the books, it can quite literally be anyone's game to pick up Zegras. However, it'll probably be costly - a young, talented center who will be in your NHL top six, has serious upside, is on a fairly cost-friendly contract for two more years and then retains RFA status? Those don't grow on trees. Expect him to be moved for either a blue chip prospect or a first-round pick. Maybe both, if Verbeek is smart. Genuinely cannot think of a trade of such a player in recent history. (The closest off the top of my head? The Matthew Tkachuk trade - that was two prime players, a first, and a prospect for him. Granted, his circumstances were much different than Zegras's, and Matthew was undeniably worth a lot more.)

Generally, you're not trading away or giving up young core players. Verbeek doing so with Drysdale opens the floodgates. Whether it's because Verbeek wants to sculpt this team the way he wants (neither Drysdale nor Zegras were drafted by him) or he simply sees no future for Zegras on the Ducks, it's incredibly puzzling, not least of all because Anaheim seems mired in this rebuild, and Verbeek may be adding years to it if he plays his hand wrong.

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #trevor zegras #anaheim ducks

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stereax · 1 month

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hey!! i kinda wanna get into fantasy hockey but it seems . extremely intimidating ! i was wondering if u know of any primers / yt vids / anything that u found helpful when u were getting into it that might b helpful! :3

Hiya nonnie!

Honestly, to be blunt: it very much, uh, depends how much tolerance for White Cishet Men Who Think They're THE Shit Talking Puck Semi Accurately you have. I'm unfortunately not kidding.

Now, to answer more fully, let's go under the cut!

First off, it's important to keep in mind that everything is, to some extent, random. You can draft Connor McDavo with your first overall pick and he can become Collarbone McBroken for half the season. That's part of the fun, unexpected stuff happening. Fantasy hockey can be intimidating and overwhelming sometimes, but if you ask around, I (and possibly others) am totally willing to listen to your thoughts and help point you on the right track.

Secondly, though, there is a lot you can control. You don't draft Brendan Smith expecting him to put up McDavid-like numbers. That doesn't make sense. If a fourth-liner just scored a hat trick, it doesn't mean he'll do that every game.

Some people say that a good draft is key to winning a fantasy hockey league, or even doing well. This is only partially true. You can win with an autodraft team, but it's much more of an uphill climb.

That's why my first big tip is to try mock drafts. Do several, on Yahoo and ESPN and wherever you want. Learn who's available at generally what rounds. This can help you identify possible steals in the draft. Additionally, be very aware of the rules of your league. Is it points or categories? Are the points "standard" or are some stats more heavily weighed? As an anecdote, one of my leagues has a strange point distribution that gives massive weight to penalty minutes. This lends itself heavily to the playstyles of, for instance, the Tkachuks, Tom Wilson, and Evander Kane.

My second big tip is to watch hockey news. Familiarize yourself with players slated for a breakout year or players that are good at certain stats (Alec Martinez, Blocks Georg, comes to mind here). Especially get cozy with teams you and your group of opponents don't follow much. Another anecdote, my friends are mostly Devils and Pens fans. This allows me to capitalize on (somewhat) under-the-radar players like Sam Reinhart on the Panthers, Drew Doughty on the Kings, and Sean Durzi on the Coyotes.

My third big tip, depending on your league, is learning to stream. Not hockey games, but players. Generally, there are fewer hockey games on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. This means that usually, your lineup will have spots open those days, and will be full Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, with mostly-full Sundays. If you drop and add players strategically, you can get five, six, or even seven "man-games" out of a single slot, increasing the amount of points you can earn. DataDrivenHockey on Instagram runs awesome fantasy help data sheets, along with streaming advice to maximize man-games.

As for resources... Yahoo and ESPN for mock drafts. Do your mock drafts. I cannot underscore how important this is. ESPN publishes good articles as well, about player stocks weekly and more general ones in the preseason. Yahoo seems to too. Here's a good "fantasy hockey 101" article I just pulled up from Yahoo, actually. (Be aware that some of the things it mentions, like separating forwards into C, LW, and RW, as well as salary cap drafts, generally don't exist in ESPN leagues.) DDH, as mentioned, for streaming stuff; posts there go up usually every Friday. There are also sites like DobberHockey and RotoWire that are good for fantasy hockey stuff, but I don't personally use them, so I can't vouch for their effectiveness. Places like the Athletic do draft cheat sheets. Once you get into the season, you're mostly adding and dropping based on average points per game anyway, especially over the last 15 (sometimes 7 or 30) days.

And then, if you're beginning to get hyperfixated, you can start looking for your low-view-count YouTube videos.

youtube

But honestly, it's probably better if you just drop a line with a friend to ask at that point. Or me. I'm totally down to talk fantasy hockey and give my tips and advice!!!

#stereanswers #stereanalysis #fantasy hockey

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stereax · 2 days

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hello!! for the drafts thing: “bless your waters, bless your doubts” what did you set out to do with this? what changed that caused you to put it on hold? what are the themes that jump out at you, what story were you trying to tell? also, is the title a reference to something? i love to hear about the creative process!! :3

- puckpocketed on main

Yes!!! Oh my god, this was such a fun project that I began undertaking. Just couldn't keep going on it. More under the cut.

So yes! The title is a reference to the Devils' goal song. Here it is, if you haven't heard it (or if you haven't heard it in its entirety) before.

youtube

Okay third time's the charm my posts are being chewed upon by tumblr please dear lord let me post this this time please please PLEASE

[inhales] Okay! So the initial premise of this fic is incredibly simple. Dougie Hamilton, one of the Devils' better defensemen, has a running joke going where the Devils claim he's the admin of our social media. Hamilton slapshot goals are posted with a caption of "I scored!", Dougie's been roped into the act a few times, the like. So obviously this means someone's gotta write a Dougie Hamilton social media admin AU. I'm surprised nobody has yet. Devilsblr, get on it.

Anyway. I think the indents are messing up my post so let's try to post step by step. Instead of indenting snippets, I'll italicize them.

"What?"

Of all the things Dougie Hamilton had expected to hear when being pulled aside by the media team before the first game of the season, this was not it. The hockey player reclines in his seat, rubbing at one of his eyes. "You want me to do what?" he repeats.

Across from him sits Christopher Wescott, leader of the social media team if memory serves Dougie right. A quick glance down at Wescott's placard on his desk, prominently placed, confirms it. Director, Content Strategy & Social Media. Then again, Wescott usually wasn't seen filming anything, or talking to the players even, unless it was roping a certain Jack Hughes in front of a camera to try to get him to sell the youth foundation. That took all hands on deck. They even got the players involved in that one.

Gravy celebrated that hundred-dollar bonus for capturing Jack harder than any goal he's scored with the man. Colorado sleeper agent, Severson complained the next day. I would've doubled it if he let me go, Hughes complained in concurrence.

Dougie didn't remember when the media crew ever needed the hockey equivalent of a SWAT team, not in Boston or Calgary or Raleigh. Then again, maybe he's just not used to Jersey yet. (It's not New Jersey, Nico clued him in before one of his first post-game interviews. Just Jersey. Say New Jersey and they know you're not from here. Just Jersey and you're one of the locals.)

And here, in Just Jersey, Christopher Wescott wants Dougie Hamilton to take a second job.

"The younger generation of fans like memes," Wescott explains. The word memes rolls off his tongue like Dougie rolls out of bed after a physical game; that is to say, falls like a paperweight and ends up on the floor sprawled awkwardly, wondering why he hasn't retired and become a lawyer like his father yet. Wescott is what, five years older than Dougie, maybe? From the way he speaks, it sounds like he's an old man trying to commit the name of his smart speaker to memory. Erica, remind me to buy rice.

"And the team said you're supposedly the best at making them," Wescott continues, snapping Dougie out of this train of thought.

"Rice?" Dougie echoes, confused. "Anyone can make rice. It's just an orange packet you put in the microwave, you rip the top off a bit..."

Wescott sighs, running a hand through his hair. He's definitely thinking some dumb hockey player stereotype right now; Dougie can tell by the way his brow furrows in annoyance. "Look," and here he drops his volume two steps, scooting forward to lean across his desk, and oh this is serious? Dougie better pay at least enough attention to remember this discussion. No more rice. "I thought social media posting was just going to be putting up reverse retro pictures and celebrating stars of the week if we get any. You know, standard fare. But Andrew floated the idea with us a few weeks back and we really think we can get ahead of the league in capturing younger fans with a more dynamic social media presence." Of course it was Maclean, or, as the team called him, Picture Day. One guess as to why.

"And where do I get involved in this?" Dougie asks, but he realizes even as he asks that it's not going to change his final answer.

"We were thinking to make a meme after every win." Wescott pauses. "Oh, and some other reels and things for when it's needed. Of course Catherine's also going to be making content for us, too." Catherine Bogart, Queen of the Tiny Mic. Oh boy.

"Do I get tiny mic privileges?" Dougie flashes one of his patented Hamilton Smiles, hoping to catch Wescott off guard.

"We'll think about it." No then. Aw. Would've been fun though.

"Do I get paid?"

The director shrugs. "Aren't you on a multi-million dollar contract?"

"To play hockey," Dougie specifies. "Not to deep-fry Bratt pics." From the look of confusion on Wescott's face, Dougie reminds himself once again that he's dealing with a senior citizen in the body of a mid-30s advertising executive. The guy probably needed an assistant to turn on his computer. For him, deep-frying is exclusively for overpriced tempura. "Meme things," he explains without explaining. "But - "

"Museum pass, any place in the state, any exhibit, we can figure it out for you."

That rumor even made it here? Well. Hey. It's something to do on the weekends, he figures. And he's pretty sure Wescott, fancy director placard and all, can't actually give him a salary for this. "Fine," Dougie agrees. He's used to being underpaid, after all. Might as well have fun with it. Besides, it's a good excuse to get out of any social events he doesn't particularly want to go to. (Is he justifying this to himself? Oh, definitely. But he'd be lying to himself if he said he didn't want to do this.)

So yeah! The basic premise of the fic is Dougie's (mis)adventures running the social media for the Devils, his work with the social media people, his reactions to the Devils' season, and the like. I tried to keep it quite light (funny, even, perhaps? but I'm not really funny). Dougie, is, at his heart, a fun character, and I'd like to think it shows a little. It's not that realistic (he definitely doesn't text from the bench!) but it's fun.

In typical Devils fashion, they lose the first game.

In typical Devils fashion, they also lose the second game.

Dougie already has the next three games lined up. He doesn't expect to need more than one of them, if he's being honest with himself, but he's personalizing for each team, so there's that. Might come in handy later in the season, too.

By the end of the second period against Anaheim, they're 2-2. This is also the approximate time Dougie realizes he doesn't have access to the Devils' social media accounts.

Fuck.

And to make matters worse, Dougie starts the third period on the ice.

Shit.

And, if that weren't bad enough, he scores a goal 33 seconds into the period.

Damn it.

All this to mean that, in the next thirty or so minutes, Dougie Hamilton needs to hack into Instagram and TikTok and get ready to post this meme.

The second he's on the bench, he paws off his gloves, reaching for his phone under the front wall. Shaking it on, Dougie quickly navigates to Instagram and logs -

"Dougie, you're on," Lindy calls. The defenseman slides his phone back and jumps over the wall.

When he gets back to the bench a minute or so later, Dougie completes the process of logging off his Instagram account, then quickly punches in the Devils' media email address for the login. It shows him the right account, which is good -

"Dougie, you're on." Lindy again.

As he skates, Dougie contemplates the password. He can't disappear from the bench mid-period to go and find whoever was still working now and ask, so he's got to figure this out on his own.

The first password Dougie tries is njdevils. No dice. He goes on for another shift, then comes back and tries raisehell. Also nothing. If he keeps this up, he's going to freeze the account. Two shifts later, Mercer scores, and now the situation is dire, just when Dougie's brain is deep-fried worse than the Bratt pictures he sent the groupchat last week.

"Hey, Haula," he whispers as the center clambers over the wall to take his position on the faceoff. "If you were gonna make a password, what would it be?" In retrospect, Haula is not the person to ask about this, but Dougie will take what he can get, thank you very much.

"I dunno, man," Haula shrugs. "Password or something?" He raises an eyebrow at the weird question, skating off. Dougie nearly facepalms at the response, but fuck it, he might as well try. password.

Holy fucking shit.

Dougie slides his phone back onto the shelf to take another shift, biting his tongue to keep from cackling so loudly that even his own teammates would stay away from him. Holy fucking shit. Wescott and company clearly have never had a single lesson about cybersecurity.

Well, he's in now, and that's the most important.

However, as I continued writing, another story "thread" popped up, this one a lot more personal to me - the story of the Polish diaspora in New Jersey. A lot of my own personal stories are reflected in this part of the fic. It makes sense in the story (Dougie rents a townhouse in Garfield to avoid being recognized in Newport, Hoboken, and that area), but it's definitely a sharp left from the fic's initial focus. The two plot lines do intersect later on, but I never got to really writing that part of the story, sadly.

A few moments later, Ms. K turns off the stove and carries the soup pot into the dining room with two oven-mitted hands. Dougie pulls himself up to steady the situation however he can, helping direct the pot into its position. Ms. K takes the ladle she had hooked onto her arm, snatching Dougie's bowl before he can react and filling it with several ladlefuls of żurek. At the hockey player's mortified expression of a silent way too much, Ms. K shakes her head emphatically. "Big man, strong, big meal."

"Okay," Dougie agrees, cautious, as he settles back down in his chair and takes his spoon, stirring the soup. Chunks of sausage - kiełbasa - float up to the top before dipping back in. "Thank you," he mumbles, a little too quiet for even his own liking. He's just tired after the game. Yeah. Tired and a little humbled by the kind gesture.

"No worries," Ms. K replies, and from the way she rubs her hands together as she sits, Dougie knows she's one step away from launching into a story over dinner. "You know Martyna from the deli?"

"Yeah," Dougie nods. One of Ms. K's co-workers at Bratek, the business on the other side of town where she cooks for a living. Dougie's been there a few times, just to bask in the atmosphere and maybe score a few free candies. Martyna's the young one, couldn't be more than 24. Her husband Konrad is, from what Dougie has heard of him, a massive piece of shit. He suspects he's going to hear more of him in a moment.

"She came in yesterday all crying," Ms. K sighs, blowing on a spoonful of soup. It reminds Dougie to try his own - it's distinctively sour, but in a good way, enticing yet filling. (He suspects Ms. K makes him a lighter batch than she normally cooks, given the difference in color between this one and the one at the deli. No matter.) "Says that barely enough money for rent. Konrad drinks it all away. Co za kurwa debil."

Dougie doesn't need to speak a word of Polish to understand the meaning behind that acidic sentence, that Ms. K clearly isn't happy with her coworker's husband. "That bad?" he queries, making sure to leave it open for interpretation.

"He even doesn't have job," Ms. K rolls her eyes. "I told her, this man no good, he not love you. No. She loves him. Enough for her that she loves him." The older lady sighs. "Love doesn't pay rent. Or food. Or gas. He needs job." Dougie nods again in agreement, letting her continue; after a moment, she does. "Nobody want to hire him. Not construction, not restaurant, nobody. All what he does is drink and complain."

"Maybe he's got some sort of mental disorder?" The defenseman offers the idea. "Sits at home all day, does nothing, drinks - "

Ms. K barks out a laugh, cutting Dougie off. "His mental disorder" (here she butchers the pronunciation of the words) "is lazy. He doesn't go to school, doesn't work. Only watch game and drink. Lazy. Mother not raise him right." She shakes her head. "You give child everything, they get lazy. You make child work, they not get lazy."

"Aha," Dougie grants the point, deciding that a debate on the existence of depression against his matronly elderly neighbor who was currently feeding him wasn't exactly his plan for the rest of the day.

"No discipline in that house," Ms. K sighs. "All three Kubiaks lazy. One I understand, three is parents' fault." A pause as Ms. K lifts her spoon. "Martyna stupid, Konrad lazy. Perfect together."

They eat for a few minutes in silence, Dougie digesting both the soup and the gossip. "She's at least a good worker though." It's a calculated statement, because Ms. K very obviously wants to keep talking, but Dougie doesn't want to hear about Polish child-rearing strategies (which, from his very limited experience, began and ended at corporal punishment). So hopefully she bites on the redirect.

"Did I tell you about Barbara?" Hook, line, sinker.

"No," Dougie hums.

"She knows nothing!" Ms. K flushes red with annoyance. "She goes all day and looks how I cook. She can't even make salad. All you do is..." Her steam runs out as she searches for the word she needs. "Zetrzeć carrot, doesn't know how."

"Cut?"

"No, not cut." Ms. K mimes running a carrot over a grater. "So you get thin."

"Grate," Dougie supplies.

She nods quickly. "Yes, grate. Cannot grate carrot. Cuts herself. Cannot stir soup - not even make soup, just stir it. Burns herself. Or gets soup dirty."

He chuckles at that. "So she's not a good chef."

"No, but she is owner's son's wife," Ms. K sighs. "Cannot be at cash register, scans things twice. Cannot stack food, food falls and breaks. Cannot cook, chicken is raw and burnt. Both on same piece. Useless."

Dougie tilts his soup bowl to fill his spoon, unable to stop his eyes from looking at the cakes on display. The nutritionists don't need to know. "Can she bake?"

"She make pączki and pączki go boom." She says it so matter-of-factly that it's hysterical. "If she know how bake, she work at Piast."

Piast, the Polish store/restaurant hybrid that looks like a literal castle on the side of the road. Dougie hasn't ever been inside, Ms. K forbidding it (and once again, he's not going to argue with the woman who clearly knows her stuff). "If you ever need Polish food, come to me. Not Piast. Owner died, place is bad now. Too expensive."

That's another thing about Polish people - they measure everything in who died. Usually with when and how thrown into the mix. Honestly, it's fascinating. Ms. K puts on her Polish television shows and points out to Dougie who had a heart attack and who got into a car accident, recounting the details as if she were the coroner. She turns on the radio and everyone got cancer or was murdered by a French guy, five songs in a row, and then an Italian song comes on. Ms. K purses her lips for a minute, then says, "Did you know their daughter disappeared? Took too many drugs, jumped off a bridge. So young, too."

It's kind of morbid, Dougie figures.

Every Sunday, Ms. K goes to church and then to the cemetery, weather permitting. She takes candles with her in fancy glass containers, lights them and leaves them on her husband's grave. Dougie's seen the containers and heard the stories, how she counts the days until she sees him again. Dougie asks her, once, whether she wants to find another husband; she laughs sadly, "When Wojciech died, I saw it was either son or new man. I said better to work for son than for stranger. Son no longer here, but am old now. No point in looking for husband. I have husband already. Just not here anymore."

I think the main "issue" with this fic is that it's Super Fucking Long. There are so many plot lines in it and so much going on that it quickly became an overwhelming sort of project and I sputtered out on energy.

If I went back to rework it, I'd have to definitely consider whether all the parts are truly necessary or whether I just want to focus on Dougie as the social media admin and go from there. Additionally, I didn't know much about some characters before beginning to write, so they come across as fairly OOC, so I need to rework that.

Fun fact, though - I originally intended bless your waters, bless your doubts to be a capstone of a series. Each fic would represent one line of "Howl" and would be a short oneshot dealing with a specific Devil and some specific situation they were in. For example:

and all grown up and traveled so well - Mercer about heritage

do you still hear the sound of the thunder while you lie up by yourself? - Palat injury

And each one would offer a new perspective, roughly in chronological order, on the Devils and their own narratives. I still feel that the "braided" fics, as I call them, would be vitally important in presenting a complete picture, and I'd want to preserve them if I do retry this one.

However, it's a bit of a "dated" fic (22-23 is so long ago now), plus it'd end up being so incredibly long... I don't think I have it in me. Maybe someday.

Have one last snippet, here, and Experience Devils Hockey with me! [profuse sobbing]

It's seven-fifteen by the time Dawson shows up, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. Classic. Dougie can't help but chuckle as he opens the door for the young center. "Nice to see you," he smiles, a little fondly. Dawson reminds him a little too much of himself. He supposes it's only kind to pay it forward and take him under his wing.

"Yeah," Dawson grins back. "What's cooking?"

"Figure it out," Dougie challenges. The kid sniffs the air, contemplating his next words, and Dougie takes the opportunity to take the finished chicken out of the oven. "Before if gets cold," he calls across the room, balancing the dish in both gloved hands. Dawson scurries over to get a better look.

"I knew it had to be garlic," the Newfoundlander comments. He pulls out his chair and plops down unceremoniously. "Got anything to drink?"

Dougie bites his tongue to stop from rolling his eyes. "Because you want to be hungover the morning before the Caps."

"It'll help the L go down," Mercer offers. Damn, they really thought they had no chance, huh?

Right. This team never did have a chance. He's been here a year already but enough of that time was on injured reserve (and the rest trying to avoid anyone on his former teams) that it's still new to him, this - this culture of expecting loss. He sees it in the eyes of the old guard, how Sevo and Wood sigh when a goal is given up like it's the last breath they know how to take. Even the newer players feel it, see it, know it.

This was once a dynasty, Dougie understands, and now the castle is in ruins.

#stereanswers #sterechats :)

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