#if you have a problem with your partners weight you don’t deserve them

[back2bluesidex]

Forbidden - KNJ (18+)

Pairing: Professor!Namjoon X Student!Fem reader

Theme: SMUT, PWP, Forbidden relationship au.

Summary: You know it's forbidden but you don't care, not when your professor is more than ready to ruin you.

Word count: 1813

Warnings: professor fucking a student, cumming on her ass, strong language, spanking, slut shaming, Joon hits it from behind, unprotected sex (it's a no no), domish Namjoon.

Minors are NOT welcomed in this blog!!

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Forbidden - “Not permitted or allowed” 

There is not a single part of the definition that you don’t understand -- Yet you can't help it.

All of your life you have been an exemplary kid. Be it academics, be it code of conduct, be it discipline, you have always excelled in everything. But you were never nosy about it. You kept yourself humble but quite reserved at the same time. You know well which lines cannot be crossed and which ones can, that too, when you should cross them. 

With a pair of big doe eyes and a heart full of enthusiasm, you stepped into this university. All set to achieve your dream degree. 

However, some of it changed when this one particular person walked into your life. 

“I clearly remember asking everyone to do their own parts even if it’s a group project. Didn’t I?” Kim Namjoon, your physics professor, says with his baritone voice. Hints of anger evident in his expression. 

“Yes, professor.” You and your project partners chant in unison. 

“But I got this feeling that two of you haven’t even written a single word.” Namjoon crosses his hands on his chest as he supports his weight on the table. Your eyes follow his every movement. The way his chest flexes against his tight turtleneck, it's illegal. You inhale sharply trying to shoo away the intrusive thoughts that are starting to cloud your mind. 

“No professor! We did as we were told” one of your partners almost shouts in her defense. You resist the urge of rolling your eyes. You know Namjoon is right, because you were the one to do the entire project. Park Sun Mi was way too busy with her baseball captain boyfriend and Lee Jae Min was way too high to come down and use that one left brain cell to do the project. You had no choice but to do the entire thing alone. You can’t afford to lose points because of your unworthy partners, even if that means giving them the scores they clearly don’t deserve. 

“Is that so? Then you should have no problem in appearing for a test based on the project in my office after your class hours.” their mouths fall open at Namjoon’s suggestion. 

“But professor-” Jaemin starts but Namjoon cuts him off,

“No ifs and buts. Report directly to me after your classes are over. Is that clear?” Namjoon says in a very authoritative tone. There is no room for any objection any more. Neither that you would ever object, you would rather spend an hour or two taking an unnecessary test in his presence than going home and resting. 

“Yes professor.” again you three answer in unison. 

“Leave” your professor orders. You are about to turn your heels when he orders again, “Y/N, I need to talk to you. You two leave.” You catch Sunmi rolling her eyes at you.

Your heart reacts faster than your mind. It starts to beat menacingly in an instant and you don't know how to act normal. You can’t really wrap your head around the fact that you are getting a piece of time to spend alone with the man of your dreams, your guilty pleasure, your forbidden desire, Kim Namjoon. You are so lost in your head that you didn’t even notice that Namjoon has been ogling your exposed legs. However, he soon composes himself and clears his voice to claim your attention.  

“Y/N… I didn’t expect that from you.” His voice is mixed with disappointment and anger, maybe? 

First of all, this is the first time in two semesters’ time, he has called you by your first name only, no suffix or prefix to burden the weight. Secondly, you don’t know why but, him being angry with you sends tingles down your spine. It definitely should not be like this. Had it been any other time, you would have probably sulked or cried your eyes out because you disappointed your mentors but…. This time it’s different. This time it's Namjoon. 

You don’t say anything in your defense. You know Namjoon understood that you did the entire project alone the very moment he read it, when it was supposed to be a “group” project. You are no better than your partners. You were on your way to give them free points for your own selfish needs. So, you hang your head low, avoiding his eyes. 

He marches towards where you are standing and comes to stand right in front of you. 

You curse at the proximity he has chosen to tease you with. 

“sorry, professor” you apologize with your small voice. 

“I think you are intelligent enough to know that your apology will not be enough, Y/N” he breathes out. The anger and disappointment in his voice are now gone, now those are replaced by something akin to darkness. 

“Professor, I-” You are immediately interrupted as Namjoon puts his index finger below your chin and tilts your face up to make you meet his eyes. Another round of shivers run down your spine as you perceive his siren eyes and the looming mischief in them. 

“Don’t you think you deserve some punishment?” Namjoon takes a step towards you as you take a step back. 

“You have been acting like a bad girl lately-” another step.

“-bad girls deserve punishment and I knows how to treat brats like you.” your ass comes into contact with the first row of desks. With blown out pupils you stare at your professor and try to comprehend the meaning behind his words. He, on the other hand, seems to be enjoying the way you are already submitting yourself to him. 

“Profe–” he cuts you off again, 

“Shhh– turn around” he orders and you comply without sparing a second thought. Your morals and rationality have feld through the open window long ago. 

You turn around and stand back-facing him. He places one of his giant hands on your shoulder and lowers your upper body down enough to perk your ass up. Your heart thumps as if it would burst out of your chest any given moment. Anticipation of what might happen in the very next moment, makes you leak. For a moment you think that you are dreaming. There is no way your daydreams are taking the shape of reality, you ain’t that lucky. But the next moment, you are proved wrong, when you feel Namjoon’s rough hands brushing right below your skirt’s hem. He bunches your skirt up and reveals the supple flesh of your perked ass. One of his palms creases down your butt through the thin material of your panty. He hooks two of his fingers on the hem of your underwear and pulls that down in an instant. 

And before you could accept the fact that you are now butt-naked in front of your hot professor, thinking of whom you hit your high every other night, a tight slap lands on your right ass. You yelp, eyes start stinging with tears right away. 

“For working on the entire project alone.” Namjoon groans.  

“Fuck” you curse out loud. 

Another slap lands at the same spot. “For concentrating more on my arms and thighs than the white board.” You gasp for air. 

Another slap. “For wearing these short skirts and driving me crazy.” 

Fuck, did you really drive him crazy? 

The last slap lands on the same spot. “For making me do something so forbidden.” 

You are drooling, both by mouth and cunt, by the end of the spanking session. Namjoon massages the fat of your ass as his other hand travels towards your cunt. He drags his slender fingers through your slit once and then parts your folds to gain access to your clit. You start to breathe heavily but stay still and let him do whatever he pleases. 

“Tell me to stop before I do something wrong, Y/N” his thick voice causes you to leak more. 

“No. don’t stop. I- I have wanted you, professor, for a long time now.” 

“You nasty little slut, do you think it’s okay to fancy your professor like this?” Namjoon says through his gritted teeth. All the while, his fingers probe into your cunt bringing a delicious friction and stretch with them.

“Fuck! So tight!” Namjoon exclaims. The more he discovers your tightness, the more his nails dig into your ass. 

You moan some incoherent curses and those arouse Namjoon even more. 

“You like it, don’t you? You like being corrupted? By the professor you desire? Hmm? A model student like you but so nasty inside?” He says with his husky voice. 

“Yes, professor. For you, only for yo-ah fuck” Your head starts to spin when he scissors his digits and stretch your walls even more. 

“For me? Yeah? Then do you want my cock?” he presses his thumb on your clit. 

“Yes. please.” you choke out, and that’s the confirmation Namjoon needed. He removes his hands from your body once for unbuckling his belt and setting his cock free. Once the deed is done, he slaps his thick meat on your ass. And fuck, you never knew you had so much of juice left inside of you cause you are leaking again. 

“Spread your legs.” he orders and you comply. 

He enters you bit by bit. At first it's just the tip and then he is half inside and then he is balls deep into you. The stretch is dreamy, far better than what you imagined and you want it all. 

“Should I move now?” His considerate voice makes your heart flutter and that’s a territory you don’t want to cross. You nod and he slams his hip into you. 

You arch your back. Namjoon wraps his hand on your waist to keep you in place as he starts thrusting into you mercilessly. 

The desk starts shaking violently but he doesn’t stop, neither do you want him to. You don’t even care if anyone is hearing you two doing things you definitely should not. With a vice-like thrust he hits your g-spot and your cream his cock without any warning. 

“Fuckfuckfuck” namjoon curses as he struggles to keep the pace. You know he is close as well. He pulls out his cock and cums all over your ass. His cum drips down the globe of your ass down your thighs and the scene alone makes him wanna fuck you again. However, he is a man of control. 

He let the beast out once and that should be enough. He knows you are a forbidden fruit and he should not touch you ever again. But the question is, can he contain himself? Especially when you turn around and seal your soft, sweet lips into a tempting kiss while both of you are still naked enough to start fucking again? Especially when you are so willing to be ruined by him and the bad boy in him roars to life. 

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#bts smut #namjoon smut #bts x reader #namjoon x reader #namjoon x you #bts x you #namjoon fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic #BBHTY series

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

The DUFF 13

Warnings: groping, insecurity, food and body issues, manipulation, and the usual. Proceed with caution.

Feedback is always welcome. Love you and thanks for the wonderful responses so far.♥♥♥♥

Image credit (I want to give dues where due but don’t want the creator to keep getting tagged in my posts as I have been approached by some before that they don’t want me in their notifs)

Silence compounds your castigation. Whether it’s you or Curtis who refuses to speak, you can’t really tell. You’re too afraid to go first and maybe he is too. Or maybe he’s just that pissed. That thought irks you. You haven’t done anything to deserve his anger.

You watch the lush landscape dwindle out to urban architecture. Your return to the city is both a relief and a fall to earth. Your usual dread for work is laced with a sense of excitement. You just want to reclaim some sense of normalcy.

Curtis pulls up to the curb outside your apartment. Your hand is already on the handle, ready to escape. You stop yourself as you give in to the tension.

“Thanks,” you say, “for the ride.”

“Yep, no problem,” he utters flatly.

“I, uh, I’ll see you later?”

He’s quiet, one hand on the wheel, his other arm draped against the door. He stares through the windshield. He really is upset but you can’t apologise if you don’t even know what you’ve done.

“Right, well, I should go. I’m already late.”

He sighs and bends his arm, brushing his fingers over his hair, “you need a ride to work? I can hang around…”

The weight in your chest lightens as his tone softens. You exhale, trying to scatter your addled nerves. “That’s really sweet but I’ll be fine. Go home, get some sleep, get cleaned up. I’m sure you have stuff you need to deal with.”

“I have time,” he insists.

“Really, you’ve done enough,” you pull the door handle, “see ya.”

“Yeah, see ya,” he mutters.

You get out and shut the door gently. You turn and walk up to your building without looking back. After the morning you’ve had, work will be easy as pie.

🐰

You rush into the office and nearly collapse into your chair. You untangle your bag from your arm and tuck it under the desk. You hit the button to boot your computer and catch your breath as you watch it load. 

There’s three of you in the small space, tucked into cubicled desks as the partners retreat into their offices. You sign in and fan yourself with a folder. Only two hours late!

You get up as your desktop buffers and peek over at Marnie’s head, the constant tap of her typing nearly drowns out her grumbled, “morning.” You return the unemphatic greeting and stroll away. Taylor doesn’t say a word as usual as his eyes cling to his monitor.

You go into the shared kitchen and put a cup under the spout of the keurig. You open the cupboard and take out the small box marked with your name. Everyone brings their own supplies. It’s not a very friendly or cooperative environment.

You sift through and find a pod. Hazelnut. You grimace. You knew you shouldn’t have grabbed the variety pack. As you fish around for any other flavour, a pare of sole tap into the kitchen behind you. You glance up as Andy, one of the partner’s, enters with a black mug in hand.

“Oh, go ahead,” you move your cup off the tray, “I’m just looking for coffee.”

“Thanks,” he nears and grabs his own bin. It’s neatly sorted with tea and coffee, and a small pack of rice crackers. He mostly eats out with the partners or clients.

You continue your futile search. Hazelnut, hazelnut, hazelnut…

“Ooo, hazelnut. Can I interest you in a trade?” He intones as his hands rest on the sides of the box.

“You don’t even have to trade, you can have them.” You drop the pods back into the bottom.

“I got… caramel or some dark roast,” he offers. “Caramel’s a bit sweet but it was a gift.”

“Hmm, well, sure, I’ll take one of those,” you hold out a handful of pods, “keep em.”

He chuckles and lifts the box instead. You dump them in and he plucks out one of the orange pods in the other corner. “I wouldn’t mind if these one went mysteriously missing…”

You smile and thank him as you take the pod. He inserts one of the hazelnut into the machine and pushes down the lid. You wiggle your foot as you wait for his coffee to brew, trapped in another silence. Do you really need the coffee?

“Good weekend?” He cracks the icy lull.

“Uh, yeah, I… sorry I’m late.”

“I wasn’t meaning that,” he assures you, “really. I’m genuinely curious. You got caught in the storm? Must’ve been a nice getaway.”

“Uh, yeah, wasn’t really planned,” you fold your arms and lean your elbow on the counter, “me and my friends went out on Friday and then… I dunno, long weekend.”

“I’m jealous. I don’t even know the last time I went out anywhere,” he taps his fingers on the wood finish as the machine grinds, “my buddy was telling me I should. I’m a bit too old for clubs but he’s been on my ass to get out and meet someone… any tips?”

“Tips? From me?” You scoff, “barking up the wrong tree. But I definitely wouldn’t recommend a club.”

“Oh, bad experience?”

“Eh,” you tilt your head back and forth, “not really my thing. My friends are more into it.”

“Makes sense,” he nods as the last few drops spit into his cup. He slides it out and turns cautiously on his heel. “You don’t seem like the type.”

“I don’t?” You wonder as you play with the pod between your fingers.

“Nah, a woman like you, you seem classier than that.”

You can’t help a crooked expression. It’s a compliment, you think. Unexpected for sure. 

“Thanks,” you take your cup and slide it across the counter, “enjoy the coffee.”

“You too,” he raises his mug and blows across the top, “and don’t work too hard.”

#curtis everett x reader #dark curtis everett #curtis everett #dark!curtis everett #snowpiercer #andy barber #defending jacob #au #drabble #series #the DUFF

[annie-creates]

Bundle of sunshine

Pairing: Lady Lesso x reader

Genre: angst and fluff I guess?

Words: 1300

Note: I'm back! Honestly I didn't think this story would give me such a block for almost a year, as I had no idea what to do with it, but here we are! Here's a continuation of The evil witch. Thank you so much to everyone for sending your requests in in the meantime and I'll write them all I swear! I'm so sorry it took me so long.

Sleepless nights and dark days became Leonora’s new norm. Anywhere she went she could hear your happy laughter and the excited mumbling of your child. Her child. Was it even her child? Biologically sure, there was no denying that now. But would you ever let her near you and your little bundle of sunshine again? Close enough to be your family? However powerful she wanted to feel months ago, she’d trade it for your presence in a heartbeat. That’s why she tried to catch one of the infrequent moments you wondered around the castle without the insufferable princess by your side.

“So are you gonna pretend I don’t exist for the rest of your life?” she didn’t want to have attitude with you from the start but couldn’t stop the snarky tone in her voice.

However startled you were, you kept your composure intact. “Excuse you? Who do you think you’re talking to!?”

“The mother of my child? That is my baby, you can’t deny that.” She was mad and a little hurt you’d keep her from her own baby.

“I’m sorry was it not you who called me a sleep-around whore a year ago and told me to never disturb you again!?” Long gone were the days you let her manipulate and use you.

“Well maybe I got a little carried away…” Leonora admits, turning her voice down. “But you can’t keep me from my own child.”

“Nu-uh, it’s too late for that. I don’t care what wicked plan you have in your head, but my child is never gonna know you as her mother.” you emphasize, leaving her stunned in place as you forcefully pace away from her.

You couldn’t believe the audacity of that woman. Wo did she think she is? Hurting you in your most vulnerable moment, shaming your pregnancy, and then trying to crawl back in the picture almost a year after your child was born? There was no way you were gonna let her waltz back into your life when you had Lonnie by your side, a lady who supported you from day one without even knowing you properly. Yet it didn’t leave your mind that maybe, she deserves to have some, little and unimportant role, in your daughter’s life. She is also her child after all. And your partner was observant to all your worries.

“Is something tormenting your mind, love?” Lonnie asked getting in her side of the bed at night.

You didn’t want to relay your problems on other people, but she proved time and time again she can share your mantle. “It’s Lesso. She demanded access to my daughter…”

“Well, we expected that, didn’t we? She is her biological mother after all.” Lonnie warmly smiles at you.

“Yeah, I guess, but… I don’t know. I don’t want her to hurt Y/d/n like she did to me, or corrupt her for evil, or anything… and I don’t want her filling her head with nonsense, I just don’t know. Can I ever trust her?” you weighted.

“I guess we’ll have to try and see. It could be good for Y/d/n to have her in her life. If you can negotiate some general rules with Lesso.” your girlfriend suggested, giving you the effortless advice as always.

You’ve spent that night dreamless and restless, and many after that. Could you ever forgive the woman you once loved so hard and who betrayed you so viciously? When it was for the benefit of your daughter? You wanted Y/d/n to have everything in the world, but was this too much to ask of you? You decided you’ll try your best to find a way to include Lesso in Y/d/n’s life, even if it meant you’ll have to overcome the fear and wariness. That’s why after a week of careful thinking and options considering, you and Lonnie visited Lesso’s office together.

“To what do I owe the pleasure..?” Leonora had no idea why the two goodies decided to randomly visit her tower but did everything she could to appear like she didn’t really care.

“I have decided you can be in Y/d/n’s life.” you announced matter of factly.

“You don’t say.” she almost mocked you but a spark in her eye seemed genuine.

“Leonora, I don’t know if you have any real grasp of the full extend of the hurt and betrayal you did to me. That is unforgiveable. In fact, I probably shouldn’t even be considering letting my child or myself anywhere need you.” you lecture her.

“I’m sorry, I was just…” Lesso tried to reason with you but you didn’t let her finish.

“You weren’t there for all my morning sickness, growing stretch marks and swollen ankles. You weren’t holding my hand when I was giving all my life into giving birth to my beautiful daughter. So no, she’s not your daughter, and she never will be. But you are related, so if you can keep on good behavior, maybe you can be her fun aunt or something.” maybe it didn’t sound fair but that was all you were willing to give her. She needed to realize she was lucky to be allowed to even see your daughter. “And when she’s older, I’ll of course tell her how she was born, but that’s a talk between me and her.”

“But you’re gonna let this princess parent my child? That’s obscure!” Leonora protested.

“Hey!” Lonnie scolded her but she knew you didn’t need saving from her anymore.

“Lonnie was here for me in the darkest moments, she held my hand through doubts and supported me in moments of weakness. She’s the only reason me and my daughter are still alive.” you give Lesso a fast reality check. “So yes, as long as she’s my partner and friend, she’ll be more important to Y/d/n than you could ever hope to be. If you’re unhappy with that, I’m okay with moving away and never showing up here again.”

“Ugh, fine, I’ll figure. I just wanna see my daughter.” you were surprised how obedient Leonora suddenly was when it came to contact with her child.

“Great, we’ll set up a play date.” you concluded and left her office as fast as you came, releasing a deep breath outside. You partly expected a disaster to strike.

Your worries turned out to be unnecessary as you prepared for a coloring activity with your daughter, Lonnie and Lesso. Leonora seemingly accepted her role as a friend rather than a parent and Y/d/n absolutely adored her. She found every gruesome detail of her stories interesting and each one of her torture techniques fun. She was there for every new milestone or sick fever, telling bedtime stories until the late hours of night. One birthday celebration came after another as your toddler grew into a beautiful confident child with a curiosity as no other.

She’d never believe it was possible for a spawn of evil like herself to create something so good and pure. She had no doubt your daughter would grow up into a beautiful princess like her other mother. Leonora enjoyed every little moment she spent with her daughter as if it was the last minute she had with her, aware that she’ll be grown before she knows it and possibly will not want to have anything to do with her anymore. After all good and evil didn’t blend together well. The last thing she needed was to get back her burning love, the woman she’d burn in eternal hell for. But, after months and years, your love for the princess knight didn’t dissipate and as stealthy as she tried to be about winning you back, she had no luck so far. Five years turned out to be enough for you to say yes to marrying the new woman in your life.

#lady lesso #leonora lesso #school for good and evil #lady lesso x reader #tsfgae #leonora lesso x reader #lady leonora lesso x reader #the school for good and evil #lady lesso x you #lady lesso fluff #lady lesso angst #charlize theron x reader #sge #fanfiction #fanfic

[codfanficedits]

Christmas Troubles.

Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley & Reader

Summary: Reader doesn't like christmas too.

Wordcount: 3844 | Rating: E! (18+ only!)

Warnings: talk about flashbacks regarding childabuse and child neglect.

A/N:

I have thought about not posting this, as this fic describes childabuse, however, I write to cope, so I decided to post anyway

If you are struggling at home too, know that there is a way out, and things will get better, the cycle can be broken, no matter how hard it is.

Give yourself the kindness your parents couldn't give you.

Merry Christmas to all the children, no matter how old, whose life will always be marked by their parents.

Very merry Christmas.

You’ve always loved Christmas, the subtle decoration on base, never a whole Christmas tree, but a few Christmas ornaments taped to someone’s door, a few tinsels draped around in the mess hall, a Santa hat being pulled over someone’s helmet.

But most of all, it’s the changing atmosphere. The weight of the war no longer weighing soldiers down fully. Excited faces when they all realize they get to go home for the holidays. Longing for their wives, their husband, their kids, family. For a brief moment all they are is human. Humans longing for the connection they have with those around them.

When the days come closer, the base gets more and more empty. More and more excited voices when they can finally go back to the people they loved.

You spot a piece of crumbled up wrapping paper, and suddenly you’re no longer the soldier you are today. You’re five years old and your ear is ringing from the slap you’ve received from your father, the skin feeling hot and you already know it’s turning red. It’s boxing day, and your reaction wasn’t happy enough. But you’re five, socks aren’t really your thing yet and you don’t understand why Santa would give you such a thing while you asked for a new stuffed animal.

You’re five and your father drags you up the stairs by your collar, screaming at you that ungrateful children will get nothing. And you’re ungrateful. You try not to be, you try to be a good kid, but it just happened without your control. You spent the rest of the day alone in your room, the few toys you own keeping you company, your own imagination being the escape you need.

Your eyes shift to your lieutenant. For the past two years you’ve spent Christmas on the base you share. No interaction, no words, nothing. But you know something haunts him around Christmas too. But it is not up to you to mingle around in old wounds. If he wants to tell you, he should do it himself. All you know is that the feeling of loneliness and grief hangs around him. Your own grief and loneliness dancing around his whenever your eyes meet, but the dance is brief, as if both of you are too scared to admit it.

When you moved out of your childhood home and joined the army, you made yourself the promise you’d do it different. You would never become like your parents. So the first time you could buy yourself the gifts you really wanted, you cried. Cried as you never had before, because being raised by cold eyes taught you not to cry. You held the stuffed animal you had gotten yourself close to your chest. You couldn’t celebrate Christmas that year, every little thing reminding you of the Christmases you had deserved in your childhood. Leaving you sobbing in your bed while your partner stroked your hair, understanding the pain that came with your childhood.

Next to the crumbled up wrapping paper is a Christmas ornament, and you pick it up. You stare at the Christmas ornament in your hand, and all of the sudden you’re no longer the soldier you are today. You’re seven years old, hiding on the top of the stairs while you can hear your parents argue. Your mother had decorated the Christmas tree wrong, and your father is fuming. You’re too young to understand what the problem is, why couldn’t they just decorate the tree again? You hold the stuffed animal you sleep with close to your heart, as if the toy is supposed to protect you against your fathers rage. The sounds of breaking glass no longer scares you, instead it is a sign for you to leave the top of the stairs and hide into bed. You know the drill, you know the routine. Like clockwork your mother barges into your room, demanding you get up and pack a bag, she is leaving your father and you’re coming with her. You’re seven, your biggest prized possession is your stuffed animal and a few books, so you pack it in a little suitcase, dragging it along down the stairs, while your father refuses to look at you, grumbling about the now bare Christmas tree.

You’re seven and our mother drags you along to the nearby park, it’s cold, you’re wearing your pyjama’s and a jacket, but it’s not enough to protect you against the cold, harsh December wind. Your mother smokes her cigarette, ranting towards you how horrible your father is. You know better than to agree with her, everything you say can and will be used against you, so you do what you do best, you stare at the grass beneath you.

Your hands begin to tremble when you’re no longer seven, but the hardened soldier you are today, the Christmas ornament snapping in your hands. You can hear the whispers, whispers about your hate for Christmas, your hate for the holidays, and those are the reasons your teammates believe to be the reasons why you prefer to stay on base.

But in reality you have no one to come home to. It used to be different. Your partner loved Christmas just as much as you did. Urging you to buy those little gifts for yourself, decorating the house with you, decorating the Christmas tree together.

Hell, the two of you even made your own little traditions. Sweet little dinners together by the soft candlelight, personal gifts the two of you had bought weeks before, just for the two of you, it was something that would keep you alive during the whole year, those two days were enough to fuel you, to heal the broken and wounded child you kept in your heart.

But your childhood taught you that all the good things must come to an end. And how could you blame them? You came with a suitcase full of childhood trauma, and your partner had no longer the strength to carry that suitcase with you. Leaving you alone on your base during Christmas once again.

As you sit inside the mess hall, next to your teammates, you can hear Gaz talking about his mother, how much he loves her, and much she is going to love her gift. Proudly he tells his team, and that includes you, that he got her a getaway to see the northern lights. Something she’d wanted for years, and now he could finally give it to her, a payback for how much she had loved him when he was growing up.

And you can’t help but feel that familiar pit in your stomach again, but you’re a hardened soldier, so your eyes don’t show the war within you. Because you love your mother, she is your mother after all, and that is what you are supposed to do. But you hate her at the same time. You hate her when you walk in on her emptying your piggybank, because she needs to smoke and your father doesn’t give her the money anymore. You hate her, when you overhear her complain about her children, and how they’re the reason why her marriage is failing. But the child inside of you wants to love her so desperate. It wants to cling on to the illusion of having a mother.

Brown eyes meet yours, and that same short dance happens between you and Ghost. Your soul leads while his tries to keep you at a distance. No longer than three seconds before he looks away, his attention on Gaz again. A comment about how lovely this gift to his mother is. A joke about Ghost hating Christmas. Loud laughter.

When you’re alone in your barracks, you stare at the wall. The burden of Christmas is weighing you down, it is drowning you, but you’re a hardened soldier, so you can’t let anyone in. You’re so afraid of losing something or someone you love, that you refuse to love anything again, including yourself. And you can’t treat something you don’t love in a kind way, so you shut everything and everyone out, while your heart is sick and tired of the loneliness you bring it.

A loud knock on your door. Gaz.

“Hey. I’m leaving for Christmas.”

“I know. Have fun.” A fake smile plastered on your face, you’ve mastered the skill of putting up that damn wall.

“Thanks. Take care of Ghost, yeah? Christmas isn’t really the time of year that makes him happy.” But how can you take care of Ghost when you can’t even take care of yourself? And who will take care of you while you drown?

“Will do.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh and Gaz?”

“Hm?”

“It really is a lovely gift for your mother.” The smile on your face warms up to be a real one, you mean it, even when the little child inside of you is screaming at you, because what did it do wrong to deserve such treatment?

The excitement on his face is endearing, a bright smile and sparkling eyes when you mention his mother. God is that how you’re supposed to look when someone mentions her? All you can see while you look in the mirror and think of her, are your fathers eyes staring right back at you. It isn’t your fault that you have your fathers eyes, yet you hate yourself for it, because how can you be something you’re not when you look like him.

“I’ll let you know how she likes it!” And with those words Gaz leaves you alone, a spring in his step when he realizes that this family is within arm’s reach, the burden of being a soldier being left behind on your base.

You stare at the open door, not having the strength yet to get up and close it.

Brown eyes meeting yours as Ghost walks past your door. Your soul wanting to reach out to dance with his again. “Can take care of myself during Christmas.” He grumbles, as he had overheard your conversation with Gaz. Your soul backs off, taking a blow, making you feel unwanted. A short nod and he is on his way again, that lonely feeling taking over again.

And suddenly you’re twelve, and you’re dreading to go to school, because you don’t fit in. Your father had implemented a new rule. Showers were only allowed to be taken twice a week, a horrible combination considering you’re a teenager, your body needs to be cleansed every day, but he is unrelenting. Your body is burning with the shame of not belonging. Your classmates are quick to realise what is going on, the bullying is relentless, a never ending torture that continues the moment you arrive home. No safe haven on earth. You’re old enough to realize this isn’t normal, this isn’t the way normal people live.

And now you’re a hardened soldier, and you’re angry. Of course you’re angry. Because there had been so many opportunities where someone should have helped you, but never did.

Soap visits you the next day, because he too has a family to come home to. Something you’ve been craving ever since God has put you on this earth, you’re tired of longing for something that has not been written in your stars, but you’ve had a taste of it, and now you keep chasing a taste you can no longer remember, all you know is that you need it, the feeling of loving, of belonging, of being wanted. Soap is one of the last to leave, some soldiers leave together, because they too have no family to come home to, but they have each other. Because friends count as family too when Christmas is around the corner. Not for you, never for you.

“Oi.” The Scottish accent snaps you out of it. “You’re leaving?”

“Yeah. Won’t be home until new year’s.”

“Aight. Have fun, and please don’t blow up your neighbourhood with firework.”

A small smirk tugs around his lips after your remark. “Can’t promise a thing. But if Price asks, you tell him I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

Two arms around you when he pulls you in for a short hug. The smallest amount of affection brings a lump to your throat, and you need a few tries before you can swallow it down.

“Keep an eye out for Ghost, will ya?” His request is paired with his arms leaving you again, the loneliness seeping back into your pores, infecting your veins, reaching your brain.

“I will, if he lets me.”

“Aye, don’t take it personal.”

Every form of rejection is personal, no matter who it comes from.

“Sure, sure, sure.” It’s a mere mutter, you can’t even keep an eye out for yourself, how could you keep an eye out for Ghost? But you worry that if you admit you’re not up for the task, you won’t be needed anymore. Because what is your worth if you can’t be of service?

A rough hand ruffles your hair. “Take care, kid.”

“You too, Soap.”

Another one leaves.

Base is becoming more and more deserted, and the less distracting you have, the easier it is for the memories to seep to the cracks of the walls you’ve build to protect yourself, because trauma sends you letters, without warning for the rest of your life, usually disguised as something else.

You overhear a conversation about a Christmas dinner. And suddenly you’re eight again, your legs aren’t reaching the ground as you sit on the dining room chair, your gaze is fixed on your plate. Your parents are arguing about dinner, your mother under seasoned it, your father tried to fix it and now it’s a blend of flavours that do not mix together, and somehow it is your fault, because you dared to breath near them. Fear takes over your being when the cabinets in the kitchen get slammed shut, the loud footsteps coming closer. You flinch when he walks past you.

Mistake.

Because flinching means that you acknowledge that your father abuses you, and he doesn’t. He keeps telling you that and what your father says goes. He can’t be abusing you, because there are children in the world who have it worse, and you have a roof to live under, you are fed, what more can a child want? You are not abused, because the bruises are placed on spots on your body that no one sees, because the screaming, the name calling, the humiliating marks your brain, but never your body, because everyone can ignore your shoes, who are two sizes too small, your clothes being either too large or too small, there is no in between. You cannot be abused, because you still love your parents. And if you aren’t fed love from a silver spoon, you learn to lick it from knives.

A large hand grabs your hair, yanking it back. The chair you’re sitting on protests against the sudden movement.

You ruined Christmas dinner, and the both of them make sure that you know it. When you’re dragged to the stairs again, and you endure his punishment, your mind goes blank. You went to visit a friend from school, and her mother didn’t yell, didn’t scream, didn’t call her names, and you cried in their bathroom, because this woman radiated a warmth you didn’t know you were craving. As you lay in bed, you can feel his feet stomping on your body again. The marks he left are a reminder that you were the one who ruined Christmas, again.

The feeling of being watched snaps you out of it, and as the trained soldier that you are, is the first thing you do controlling your breathing, your chest heaving just a little less when you finally look up.

His brown eyes meeting yours once more, and your soul doesn’t dare to reach out to his again. You can see the walls that he has put up, because they have the same structure as yours. If only he would allow you to seep through the small cracks between the stones. But he doesn’t, because Ghost too remembers his childhood as a long wish to be elsewhere.

 You shift your eyes away again. Not ready to face him, not ready to see a glimpse of his childhood in his eyes. No, you wish to forget, to drown your demons with something that will kill them, to make sure that they will never come back. But you can’t, every attempt only resulted in them coming back harder, stronger. But you can try, right? So you find yourself on the floor of your room, a bottle of vodka next to you. You had been drinking too much, too quick, and now your body feels paralysed while snippets of your youth creep in again, and there is nothing you can do against it. You want to push the memories away, bury them in the dirt, a skill you had managed to master, yet you seem to have lost completely.

The familiar feeling of a burn starts in your throat and you make an attempt to crawl to the bathroom, barely reaching the toilet. A wave of sour vomit leaves your lips, it splatters against the porcelain of the toilet bowl, staining the floor, and it brings a panic to your chest.

You’re nine, and you have a stomach flu, being woken up with the horrible urge to vomit. You try to run to the bathroom, your little legs carrying you as fast as they can.

But you don’t make it, instead you drop to your hands and knees and you can’t stop the waves coming out of you. You feel like you can’t breathe, and you’re afraid you’ll die, suffocated by your own vomit. Your father wakes up from the noise, and instead of a compassionate rubbing of your back, you’re met with a scowl on his face. His hands gripping the back of your neck. You try to mutter that you’re sorry, but before you can speak he presses your face on the floor, dragging you across your own vomit, the same way they used to drag dogs through their own urine in an attempt to housetrain them.

The alcohol in your blood makes you unable to supress your memories, and you find yourself sobbing on the floor, muttering that you’re sorry again and again. You flinch when an unknown man enters your bathroom, his large frame looming over you. You hold up your hands against your face, apologizing over and over again.

“Fuck, you’re a mess.” You recognize the voice, but you can’t remember if it is your father’s or someone else’s. You begin to cry harder when a hand grips your wrist, trying to pull you up.

“ ‘s okay. ‘s okay.” You hear the same voice mutter, before a damp washcloth is dabbed against your face, an attempt to clean you up. You’re pulled against a broad chest, your mind still way too fuzzy to comprehend who it is.

“I promise it won’t happen again dad, I’m so sorry.” You’re slurring your words, and you don’t notice the breath of the person holding you hitching in his throat.

“Let’s get you to bed, ‘kay?” He mutters as he gently yet firmly guides you to your bed, making sure that you’re tucked in under your covers before he goes to place a bucket next to your bed. Not that you notice. You’re drifting off to an empty sleep.

When you wake up the next morning your head is pounding and you let out an annoyed groan when you wake up. You automatically rub your temples in an attempt to make the pain pass a little. “There’s water and painkillers on your nightstand.” A gruff voice tells you and your eyes snap open, only to see Ghost sitting down on the chair in the corner of your room, his jacket put over him as a blanket.

“Dear God.” You groan as you spot him, so much for taking care of him. “How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to know your father is an asshole.” His words make your blood run cold, you always had tried to keep your past, the abuse, a secret. You try to swallow the lump in your throat. “How much do you know?”

“You didn’t say what happened, but from the way you apologized and flinched.” Ghost shrugged after his words. “I know what it means.”

Is that his soul reaching out to yours? Is this his invite into your life?

“Does it get better?” You ask, scared for the answer.

“Not without hard work.” He answers you. “Have you tried therapy?”

“Have you?” You shoot back, not wanting to admit you haven’t.

“I have.” He chuckled. “It wasn’t easy, but once I was done after nearly two years. Shit that felt amazing.”

You scoff, not fully convinced. “And what did you get out of it?”

He looks at you, his brown eyes piercing your soul. “I can look at myself in the mirror, and I no longer see my father. You deserve that too.”

You want to stop the tears, you really do, but his words hit the right spots. You turn around in your bed, your back facing him as you curl yourself into a little ball.

Your bed protests when he comes to sit on the edge, his fingers running through your hair. “Listen.” He lets out a sigh. “I’m not here to scold you, but the team has been telling you that you need to look out for me, and while I think that it is bullshit, it is a nice gesture. But do you know why they asked you?”

You don’t respond, instead you stare to the wall, tears rolling down your cheeks.

Ghost decided to continue anyway. “They asked you, because I told them about my past, not much, no details, just enough to let them in, to let them understand certain behaviour. And I’m not telling you, you should do the same, but think about it. Maybe it’ll help.”

His words did make sense, you knew you had to do something, knowing that you couldn’t keep on going with the amount of flashbacks you were having lately. “Just tell something to Price, okay?” Ghost continues. “And if you want, I can pull some strings, get you on some easier missions for the time being. And I can hook you up with my therapist. You remind me of myself, so it has been easier to avoid you. However, you deserve some happiness too and I’m sorry for avoiding you so much.”

You look up at him, through your teary eyes. “Thank you.” You manage to mutter.

“Don’t mention it.” He answers, while his fingers run through your hair again. “Christmas will become fun again, don’t let them take that from you.”

He stays silent for a second or two. “You know what, do you want to make some hot chocolate? Make our own little tradition?”

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod mwii #cod x reader #angst #mw2 #fanfic #ghost x reader #ghost x you #cod fanfic #fanfics #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic edit #ao3fic #ao3feed #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #ao3 writer

[robininthelabyrinth]

Not sure if tumblr ate my other ask (feel free to ignore) but if you're still doing alt headcanons, what about Lan Qiren as Nie Mingjue's other parent?

“You knew?” Lan Xichen shouted.

“Do not disrespect your elders,” Lan Qiren snapped. “And keep your voice down.”

“I will not! I cannot believe – shufu, how could you? Nie Huaisang has done such terrible things in his pursuit of vengeance, such that I cannot believe, and you…not only will you not support me in acting to stop him, you tell me now that you knew what he was about this entire time! That he was scheming behind my back to destroy A-Yao’s life, that he suspected even me of collaborating with him, that he was orchestrating everything, even murdering Mo Xuanyu –”

“I knew it all,” Lan Qiren said impassively. “From the beginning to the end. Whenever he needed help, I offered it to him, and gladly. It was I who sent Sizhui and Jingyi to Mo Village, and Wangji to watch over them, and I did so knowing what they would find there, and who. I knew, and not only did I know, I approved. I collaborated. Any punishment you seek to bring down on his head will need to be brought down also upon mine, though of course doing so will shame our sect, and so you cannot act as freely as you wish. That is your complaint, is it not?”

Lan Xichen bit his lip. “Tell me why,” he said fiercely. “Shufu, I know A-Yao – I mean, Jin Guangyao. I know Jin Guangyao has done terrible things, I know it now, and I despair of it, but still, how could you ally yourself with Nie Huaisang? Why would you?”

“Because Jin Guangyao murdered A-Jue.”

Lan Xichen faltered.

“Oh, so now you remember,” Lan Qiren said, and his voice was icy cold. “You forgot, I take it, that the former Sect Leader Nie was misaligned, that he was a man who bore who his own sons with his own body…that he needed only a willing partner to father them, someone willing to let them be raised as Nie rather than under his own surname.”

He rose up, and for all that he was shorter now than Lan Xichen, Lan Xichen felt the weight of his uncle’s stare as if it were coming down on him from above.

“You remember now that I served as that willing partner,” his uncle continued. “That Nie Mingjue was not merely your friend and sworn brother, but my son – by blood, although not by recognition. Tell me, Xichen, now that you remember, do you still have the gall to ask me why I did everything in my power to avenge him as he ought to have been? Do you still wish to chastise Nie Huaisang for pursuing the vengeance that in all rights I ought to have been the one to undertake, a right that I only yielded up because I was worried about you?”

Lan Xichen hung his head.

“Go back to seclusion, Xichen,” his uncle said, words biting; given Lan Qiren’s troubled history with his brother, it was the closest he had ever come to actually cursing his nephew. “And don’t come out until you’ve reacquainted yourself with morality – or, if you find yourself unable to develop that, at the very least a sense of shame. Your brother and I will manage perfectly fine without you.”

This was probably, Lan Xichen thought numbly, about what he deserved. He’d known from the start that he was displacing his anger at himself at Nie Huaisang, but to have forgotten something so close to his uncle’s heart…

Maybe his problem with Jin Guangyao really hadn’t been just ignorance. Maybe his uncle was right, and it was something deeper than that, more fundamental. Maybe it really was a matter of morality.

Maybe he really did need to take some time to examine himself.

Maybe…

Maybe seclusion really was what he needed.

“Yes, shufu,” he said. “I’ll go.”

#mdzs #lan xichen #lan qiren #my fic #my fics #alt headcanons #getting to the last few of these

[zoros-bandana]

i’m sorry for sending an emergency request after you just did one but i have been really insecure about my weight and i wish i could do something about it but i never can and i don’t know why and it’s killing me. it’s making me hate myself more than ever and i just wish i could look like the other girls. could you write zoro comfort for that? (she/her pronouns and romantic)

if it’s too much trouble feel free to ignore. i hope you have a good day/night<3

Omg no angle please don’t be sorry! Also I love you and you are so beautiful and deserving of everything good in the world and your weight does not define who you are or what you are worth. I’m sending you a massive hug my dear 💚

Zoro Weight Comfort - Emergency Request

(SFW)

(Romantic intentions with a tad bit of possible leading to NSFW)

TRIGGER WARNINGS for issues with weight/self appearance/food issues/self worth

A thick haze circled the air up in the crows nest. The summer heat radiated through the windows as you sat on the bench, sprawled out to try and cool yourself down. Your partner, Zoro, was in the midst of his workout as per his usual routine. He had shed off most of his clothing to try and beat the heat; opposed to yourself.

You stayed covered up, not wishing to show any amount of skin. Even if it was just in the presence of Zoro.

You weren’t ignorant. You knew the state of how your partner looked; carved directly from the gods themselves. You also knew the type of women that were drawn to him. Tall, petite, perfectly curved in every place you wished you. They were everything you wanted to be.

It was hopeless to even try and compete with them. No matter what you did it wasn’t enough. You had attempted many efforts to try and grow to like yourself; working out, eating better, training with Zoro. Nothing seemed to fix your problem.

You could often lose yourself in a train of thought, wondering off as you counted the list of problems you found about yourself; shameful in how you looked.

“Hey? Are you listening?”

You slowly flickered your eyes over to Zoro, watching as he huffed; sweat dripping from his body. His brows furrowed at you, confused at your ignorance to his question. Dazed, your eyes wondered over his chiseled chest, zoning back out again; your fears resurfacing.

“Baby?”

His hand gently tapped at your cheek, alerting you of his whereabouts. As you focused back on him a stray whimper parted your lips. His strong arms wrapped around you as he sat beside you, curling you into his sweaty body.

“What‘s wrong?”

“Do you think I deserve to be with you?”

“What?”

“It’s just I don’t feel like I do… in this body… I don’t like how I look and I just feel so disgusted in myself. I don’t look like Nami or Robin or anyone else who is beautiful and I just think -“

“Take that back!”

“What?”

“Just because you don’t look like them doesn’t mean you are any less worthy to feel loved, (y/n). I love you and to hell with anyone who thinks you don’t deserve it! Every single part of your body is something wonderful and should be cherished. You are so beautiful”

“I’m not!”

In one swift move he flipped you onto your back, hovering above you. There was a playful gleam in his eye as he leaned down close to you, slowly teasing above you.

“I love your beautiful face” he leaned down, peppering kisses across your cheeks. His smirk stayed against your skin as you giggled from his light touch.

“I love your precious arms” he trailed down, covering every inch of your arms in swift pecks.

“I especially love your sexy chest” he burrowed his head between your chest, resting there for a moment.

“I love your gorgeous stomach” he made his way down, lifting up your shirt; covering every fold and curve in soft kisses. He groaned as he covered your skin, relishing in how soft you tasted against his mouth.

His hands slid down the side of your body, his lips dragging over your skin as he reached your legs. “And I love your angelic thighs”

His breath fanned against your skin, tickling you as he moved around; covering every inch of your skin in his lips. Once satisfied with his claim he rose back up to dangle over your face, his expression more neutral than before; his once playful demeanour vanished.

“I love you; every single part of you. To me you are the most beautiful girl in the world and I wish you saw that. You are so incredible in every single thing you do and never cease to amaze me. There is not a single moment where I question if I deserve you; because I know it’s you that truely doesn’t deserve me. I love every single fold and roll and curve on your perfect body and I wished you understood how heavenly you are. You don’t need to look like Nami or Robin to be beautiful or have a purpose in this world, (y/n). You are beautiful and you have purpose. I wished you saw yourself from my point of view”

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course I do; every last word” he leaned back down again, this time pressing a tender kiss to your lips. “And I will continue to remind you until you understand it, baby. You are perfect just the way you are”

[havvkinsqueen]

dear victoria, it's almost the end of 2023 and with this in mind, i'd like to return the favor. well, not exactly favor, but i'm here to bring you what you've brought to me and an entire community every friday for the past year. you're the kindest soul i've encountered on this hellhole and i'm so freaking glad that i got to met you. you're kind and sweet and extremely talented in case no one reminded you today. i know life can be tough sometimes and it may get difficult especially at this time of the year when work is hectic and you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. but i hope you do realize there's something great awaiting you. even greater than you've accomplished thus far. words can't even begin to describe how grateful i am for you. you're an amazing writing partner who has singlehandedly decided to take a muse that appeared for exactly 5 minutes and 48 seconds and do a better job than the duffer brothers ever could. and i am in awe with your interpretation, okay? all the verses you have for her, all the nuances she has because of you, all the great threads i am reading from you and your writing partners. you are a bloody brilliant writer, i hope you know that. and above that, you have a superpower aka you bring life to your muse, even when she's barely even a walking dead creature. but your writing is not everything, you see. i've seen your kindness when i was in a pretty bad state mentally and despite having your own problems, you were there for me and i can't thank you enough. but your presence did leave a mark on me. and i love hearing what you're passionate about. i won't list them here because it may give away who i am, but just know that in my opinion, your passions/hobbies are cool as fuck. some took me by surprise and in a good way. you're a fantastic friend, i hope you know that. and this is just the tip of the iceberg. but to actually return what you've brought us, i hope you take care of yourself. mentally, emotionally, physically. i hope that when you look at the christmas lights you do realize that's what you are to many of us. a source of light and delight. and i hope you treat yourself as you treat us. with kindness and patience. and i hope you have the best of holidays with your loved ones. you deserve a break after working so hard this year. i am proud of you nonetheless. for everything you've accomplished and for everything that you are. it's an honor to have met you and still stand by your side after a year. i love you and thank you for everything, friend.

"And if we look closely, we can find those moments, every day in our regular lives, from sipping on our early morning coffee to munching on our midnight snack, from taking a moment to gaze at the sunset to simply sitting silent listening to our soul, beautiful unfiltered unadulterated moments that often go unnoticed yet remain forever warmed up in the cold embrace of our heart, frozen in a niche of a dream called Life." - Debatrayee Banerjee

— Oh, Anon, this message was so sweet. And so very long! I don’t know what to say. So, thank you. This is so very kind, I 😮‍💨. It’s always nice to get these back and any time I do, I really treasure it. My first instinct is to say I’m not worthy of this, but I do work hard at everything. So, once again, thank you. I’m touched by the kindness you’re showing me right now. And to hear my presence and everything brings people joy and light; That makes me so happy. Life is so hard, all I want to do is alleviate that for people even for a moment.

#we're the kids in america */ ANSWER #anonymous */ #here comes the sun */ POSITIVITY

[buddiebeginz]

I wasn’t sure if I was going to write this but it was bothering me and I don’t see anyone else talking about some of this so here goes. Heartstopper season 2 brought a lot more focus on Charlie’s ED and I’m glad because we don’t see men dealing with that much at all in media and men definitely do.

My issue comes with how Charlie’s ED affects his relationship with Nick and will in the future (I haven't read the comics yet but from what I know it's an on going part of the story). I know a lot of people will see this storyline and say Nick is the best most supportive boyfriend ever (and he so is) but I also don’t want younger people watching this getting the wrong impression on some things.

Having an ED is not Charlie’s fault. Whatever time he needs to figure that out and work through it he deserves. He also deserves to have the people who love him support him through this. However speaking as someone who was in a relationship with a person who had an ED and other mental health struggles (including spending time in psychiatric hospitals) and as someone who has also dealt with my own mental health issues including self harm and panic attacks I want people to understand that there's a lot more to this kind of stuff than just loving and supporting someone during their struggles.

For one thing and something I've already been seeing in Charlie and Nick's relationship that has bothered me is Charlie has lied to Nick on numerous occasions because of his ED. Now this is quite common for people dealing with mental health issues especially stuff like ED and self harm because there's a lot of shame and the feeling you don't want to be a burden to the people you love. You're already battling a lot of negative feelings of self worth so of course you're going to think your problems don't matter. But that still doesn't mean it's okay to lie to someone who is supposed to be your partner. The lying and the sneaking around is what forms the cracks in a relationship and can ultimately lead to it deteriorating. It erodes the trust you're supposed to have in your partner and them feeling like they can trust you. I can already see a little of this happening with Nick and Charlie. Not that I think it will cause them to break up but I do think Nick is going to have some difficulty trusting Charlie completely right now.

I also think that Nick has to be mindful not to take on all of Charlie’s struggles as his own. Again speaking from experience there’s a difference between love/support and fully taking the weight of someone else's burden on top of your own personal stuff. I think far too often media romanticizes these things like in order to love someone you have to save them from themselves which just isn't true. The first person you should be taking care of is you because you can't be a good support system to someone else if you're not looking after yourself and addressing your own needs.

The other thing I think it's important to emphasis is you can't force anyone to change or get better especially not on your timeline they have to do it on their own and for their own reasons. It's clear that Nick loves Charlie and wants him to get better and likely season 3 will have a lot of that storyline incorporated but I also hope we see Charlie really recognize he has some problems and want to get help for himself more than just for Nick or anyone else. I also hope Nick speaks up if he doesn't like something Charlie does like lying or hiding things. I also hope we get a scene where Nick talks to someone about how he feels about it all maybe Tao (I love how their friendship as been developing). It's just it's clear Nick already has a lot of feelings about all of this some he's shared with Charlie some likely not but when you have a partner who is ill it affects you a lot too and Nick will need support too.

Anyway I'm not sure how much of this made sense I just wanted to get some of my thoughts out. Feel free to disagree or respond with other thoughts especially if you're someone who is like Charlie and has or had an ED. I'm not at all trying to judge or hate on anyone with EDs or any other mental health issues and definitely not trying to hate on the show. I love Heartstopper and Nick and Charlie's relationship. This storyline just got me thinking a lot about things I've gone through. If you read this all thanks. ❤️

#heartstopper #narlie #hs s2 #tw: eating disorder #tw: ed #tw: self harm #tw: mental health #hs!

[seamsterslocal]

PINNED POST

who am i?

someone who’s been sewing since being voluntold into the puppet factory at age 7. (yes i did grow up in a circus.) a legal adult for decades now but immature enough to get away with calling myself a boy until i die. trans man who dresses like an off duty drag queen. undiagnosed autistic with sensory intolerance for synthetic fibers. proud of my weight gain and not shy to block fatphobic bigots. too arthritic to give a shit about typos or capitalizing. former professional alterations-er. white usamerican who believes strongly in class solidarity across all lines. faggot.

what will you find here?

ive never been good at keeping my tumblr self organized but i’m really going to try to keep this one focused. at first i’ll be posting project round ups and picture tutorials as i work through the immense backlog of my stash, but i’d like to answer questions and help folks troubleshoot their own sewing, fitting, and mending problems. theoretically i’d like to do video tutorials but i dont have the time or equipment. certainly some anti-oppression based political analysis and references to the leather community will filter through, and probably some garden and pet pictures. i’m going to be coaching my life and business partner through making their first clothes pretty soon here so that will be posted in some form as well. tips for adapting clothes for sensory issues and physical mobility based disabilities. me fixating on pattern matching to a truly asinine degree. all black projects covered in cat and dog hair that are really hard to photograph well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

what do i make?

ive made everything from thirty foot puppet costumes to these-jncos-arent-wide-enough industrial high fashion jeans to back support corsets and more but currently my own projects are all about providing me with a wardrobe that a) keeps me warm b) doesnt trigger any sensory issues c) makes me look like hot shit. you could call what i’m working on a capsule wardrobe but really i’d just call myself broke. my idea of looking like hot shit involves seamlessly blending the fashions of a sixty year old redneck who goes to town twice a year, and the hardest fem at goth night.

what am i interested in?

i really like historical fashion, especially viking and pre-viking era scandinavian, medieval british isles, and irish/scottish/english/american from about 1800-1960. (NOT saying that other places dont have incredible clothes and fashion traditions, but sewing is pretty much the backbone of my ancestor work—not nec. reverence bc not all of my ancestors deserve it frankly (though some do) but connection and understanding—so i focus my research and construction where my own ancestors were (if you call yourself folkish you can fuck off and die in a dumpster fire right now and if you dont, dont bother googling they dont deserve your attention)). i often take historical undergarments and adapt them for contemporary outerwear, or blend methods of fit or construction that were traditionally used exclusively for either mens or womens fashion in a single garment. somehow i ended up specializing in flattening out princess seams.

perks

follow me and maybe i’ll get someone to video me using the treadle machine which has belonged to my great grandma, my gay great uncle, my gay great uncle’s widower, my mom, and myself

new build project masterlist

alterations project masterlist

tags masterlist

“you’re really into anti-oppression, why aren’t you adding image descriptions?”

a couple reasons. as i mentioned i have a host of disabilities (physical and otherwise). my dayjob involves a lot of computer work, sewing is really hard on my hands and body, i cant always look at screen for very long, and if i made myself wait to post until i could do image descriptions, i would never post at all. i don’t think requiring disabled folks to do things they can’t is the best approach to radical hospitality. if anyone feels moved to add image descriptions to anything i do, i will reblog their post with the tag ‘image descriptions added.’ my main aim in starting this blog is to share my knowledge with trans/disabled folks and other people that experience gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, sensory issues, or physical difficulties getting clothes on and off without pain. the typed writeup that will accompany each picture tutorial is my best attempt at sharing my knowledge and processes with anyone who uses a screen reader

#sewing #historical fashion #sewing tutorial #tailoring #project masterlist #pinned post

[kinnersonne]

Thinking today about how cancel culture tries to do the same thing as repentance but SO doesn’t. Repentance requires acknowledgement of the initial mistake: “I used to verbally abuse my partner, and now I recognize that was wrong.” But with cancel culture, it’s in the name, the goal there is to completely erase any indication that anything bad happened, and if you can’t, erase the person themselves. Zero tolerance. I’ll acknowledge that there are things in this F’d-up world that deserve zero tolerance, and the threat of losing face does work on celebrities with no sense of accountability who like to throw their weight around. But cancel culture doesn’t seem to accept any boundaries.

There’s no growth there. There’s no change if there was never anything bad to change out of. You never get the crucial step of, “Instead of lashing out at her, I will endeavor to replace that anger with kindness and appreciation.” It’s black-and-white, and it’s brutal. It tells us that anyone who does anything bad ever, even ignorantly or on accident, is 100% a bad person and needs to be completely ignored. The focus is on not messing up ever, instead of rectifying our inevitable mess-ups when they pop up. It’s a social Reign of Terror.

Isn’t this what we have a Christ for? So that we wouldn’t have to be permanently condemned for any and all mistakes? So that we could become kinder and gain a higher understanding over time?

The issue is not with the mistakes themselves, because YES people are jerks on the internet and there has to be some consequence. It’s the permanence with which those mistakes are treated. Personally I think it has to do with time. Cancel culture wants the power to redact and retcon. In its preoccupation with the negative past, it precludes any hope for a more positive future. And you do need to acknowledge the past in order to repent correctly, particularly if there’s trauma involved: “My parents would always put me down growing up, and I never realized that it would someday affect the way I treat my partner.” But cancel culture holds the past over your head as a kind of blackmail for your current reputation, instead of analyzing it as a potential cause for problems and in so doing finding solutions.

Also: about the way cancel culture demands or doesn’t demand apologies. Yes, everybody should apologize when they hurt someone. And, no one can make them do that genuinely but their own educated conscience. That’s one of the reasons we need a Messiah, to take the blame when its owners don’t claim it. One of the things that stuck with me in my institute classes was how a professor explained why holding grudges is wrong. Going off of our theology—Jesus Christ is our intercessor, able to take the spiritual punishment for our transgressions that someday we may become holy ourselves—holding a grudge is literally standing between that person and the Savior, saying ‘no you have to go through me first.’ To quote from a Conference talk that escapes my mind, “would you have those sins paid for twice?”

Repentance takes time. Effort. Love. And so much patience, on both sides. Cancel culture offers none of that; it treats the symptoms and not the disease.

“I’m sorry I said those things to you. I know it was wrong. I’m trying to break the cycle but today I didn’t succeed. I’m upset that I hurt you, and I want to change. Please, may I try again?”

#spiritual thoughts #church of jesus christ of latter day saints #tumblrstake #christianity #general conference #lds church #book of mormon #mormon #yup that got really long again #welcome to seminary guys #I’m supposed to be asleep bc I’m sick as a dog

[neptune-ian]

Neptunian i feel sad that I have lived for so long and have not been able to be in a relationship with someone who loves me and someone I can love back. I'm not exactly complaining. I'm happy to love my friends and family. But I'd like that one person with whom I can share my love abundantly you know? I hope I will have that one day. I think this generation suffers from a lack of intimacy and no amount of healing can set us right. We see so much misery around us, we just want to be held. Lol sorry for dumping these thoughts and ... thanxx for reading patiently. What are your two cents?

Hello anon.

I feel you, I have never been in a relationship and sometimes it does weight on us as we feel lonely and even unloveable. My reasons are probably different than yours but we should still consider our worth and that we deserve a genuine love, with a respectful and wonderful partner.

I hope you will find that person of yours because we need to be loved and to love. Maybe you know them but are not aware of who they are, you know what I mean?

I agree that this generation is scary ; hook up culture is not for everyone but it is in fact, not good at all for everyone. We should be careful with whom we share our time with. Humans are social creatures but they need to love and feel integrated in a group to thrill or else they isolate themselves, become depressed and the worst can happen.

However I do understand that avoidant attachment to actually avoid to suffer because of betrayal, disappointment… I too would love to be loved and to love but that is not my case and it’s a bit my fault lol but at the same time I can’t settle for the minimum. I want what I want and I don’t ask for much. Healing takes sooooo soooo sooooooooo much time and sometimes one can think they never healed besides all their efforts and because of that some give up but the rest keeps going. Also, some just want to stay where they are, they refuse to change their way of being and doing because that’s how they have been educated, that’s what allowed them to survive, they think they are right, they suffer from complexes and stuff. It’s hard for those to get rid of their old/bad habits. It’s a bit reassuring for them. Even though they know the truth a part of them just refuses to see the reality. « That’s how/who I am », « I can’t change that » are excuses. It’s understandable but not okay to stay on this mindset. I think that is how operate our generation nowadays. They don’t want to be held accountable because it would mean to change, to recognize their wrongs and accept failure (which hurt the ego). You can recognize them for instance after an argument, if the two of you were very mean towards each other but you are the only one apologizing but not them — they have a problem. Or even, they act all cute right after it as if you exagerated all of it because they want to put themselves at the victim’s place one way or another. That’s why you hear a lot of storytimes either contradicing themselves or completing each other but there is only one viliain each time : the other. You can’t create bonds with that mentality, you can’t have intimacy, be vulnerable so what do you do? You just quit as soon as possible the person you where supposed to be with (or not) ignoring the vacant issues and hidden feelings. It is toxic for everyone but it’s easier to just run away than to accept that we indeed do mistakes and are not perfect.

What do you think?

#tarot blog #neptune’s blog #anon ask

[specialneedspets]

First Dog? 5 tips to follow and mistakes to avoid

Choosing to bring a dog into your house for the first time is a responsible and fulfilling choice. An otherwise boring life can be brightened with happiness, company, and unconditional love from a new furry friend. It can be your lifelong companion and your partner through good times and bad. But making it through this journey takes more than cuddles and playtime; it takes thoughtful planning and comprehension. These are some common pitfalls to avoid, along with five essential tips for every new dog owner to ensure a smooth transition and happy life for you and your new companion.

Prepare Your Home

Think of your dog as a new member of the family that deserves a special place to call home. Provide a bed, food and water bowls, and suitable toys in a designated living area for your dog. The dog needs privacy, so make sure this spot is both easily accessible and away from foot traffic. Eliminate any possible risks, like poisonous plants or small items that could be swallowed. To lessen the chance of electrocution, tape up any electrical outlets that are located low.

Ensure Proper Hygiene

Dogs are affectionate, extroverted creatures. They enjoy playing and don’t mind getting messy when doing so with their human. It is your responsibility to keep an eye on your dog’s health and to lead a clean lifestyle. It’s critical to schedule routine veterinary examinations in order to track your dog’s health and provide any required shots. It’s also a big responsibility to dispose of your dog’s waste properly. To ensure effective and safe waste management, though, think about hiring a professional dog poop service if you’re too busy or just don’t want to clean up their mess. The waste left by your dog will be routinely cleaned up and disposed of by professionals. Hiring these professionals takes care of the common problem of responsibly handling your dog’s waste and keeping your outdoor space clean.

Provide Suitable Nutrition

It is critical for your dog’s health to maintain a diet that is both balanced and nourishing. To develop a customized diet plan, speak with your veterinarian about the nutritional needs of various dog breeds. Your dog’s size and breed also affect how much food they should eat in order to stay at a healthy weight. Steer clear of giving your dog human food; it may be excessively salty and harmful to their health. Dogs are toxic eaters, so foods like chocolate, grapes, and onions should be kept out of their reach.

Prioritize Regular Exercise

Playing with its owner is the most enjoyable activity for a dog; they thrive on regular mental and physical stimulation. For them, exercising every day is therefore essential to maintaining their health, not just a choice. Frequent walks provide your dog the chance to become accustomed to its surroundings and are also an excellent way to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It’s critical to adjust your dog’s exercise regimen to suit their breed and level of energy. Dog breeds with high energy levels need more playtime. Regular exercise neglect can result in obesity, behavioral disorders, physical health problems, and other problems. Boredom can be avoided and their cognitive abilities stimulated with interactive toys, puzzles, and agility games.

Implement Positive Reinforcement Training

In many ways, dogs and children are the same; they are both adorable and affectionate but also incredibly unruly. Thus, training your dog is regarded as essential to dog ownership. Effective training starts with positive reinforcement methods, which emphasize rewarding desired behavior instead of punishing undesirable behavior. Treats or praise should be given to your dog promptly for good behavior so that they will come to associate the behavior with the treats or praise. Treats or time spent with their favorite toy can be used as rewards. Steer clear of severe techniques like yelling or giving your dog physical punishments as these can have a negative long-term effect on their behavior.

Some Common Mistakes

Improper Socialization

Dogs are gregarious animals. To the best of their abilities, they live to amuse and love their humans. Restricting your communication with them may result in undesirable conduct. Make an effort to socialize with your dog when it is still a puppy. By doing this, you can strengthen your relationship with your dog and raise the likelihood that it will obey your commands. Give your dog plenty of time to get used to new people and scents.Ignoring socialization can result in fears and aggressive behaviors.

Inconsistent Routine

Dogs need a regular schedule in order to thrive; they have specific times for play, walks, and meals. It can be very challenging to control aggressive behavior that arises from upsetting their routine. They may also experience tension and anxiety as a result of this. Dogs that are anxious more often may stop eating altogether or eat too much. Their energy balance is subsequently impacted, which may result in weight problems. Setting up a regular schedule for your dog’s activities is essential to avoiding these issues. It might not be easy to follow at first, but keep in mind that it’s for the benefit of your dog.

Harsh Training Methods

The foundation of a healthy human-dog bond is affection for your animal companion. The goal of owning a dog in the first place is defeated when harsh training techniques are used. These techniques, while incredibly common, may make your dog feel resentful. Having a dog demands tolerance and comprehension. By tackling problems patiently and calmly, you can establish a solid basis for a long-lasting partnership. To create a solid bond, use positive reinforcement techniques.

Overfeeding

Refusing to give their dog extra food can be tough for some people. Steer clear of this! Give them portions based on their nutritional and energy needs, and limit the amount of treats you give them. Dog obesity is a serious issue since it can shorten their life span and cause a number of health issues in the future. Feed them wholesome foods in sufficient quantities to guarantee a happy, healthy puppy.

When it comes to adopting your first puppy, pragmatism and attention to detail are your constant companions. You can create a secure and nurturing environment for your new furry family member by adhering to these five easy rules and avoiding typical mistakes. Every action that you take to ensure a happy dog and a healthy relationship matters, from setting up a routine and preparing the home to providing positive training and consistent exercise. With these suggestions, you can start this new chapter of dog ownership with the assurance that your commitment will be rewarded with an abundance of love and company.

Learn More: https://specialpets.org/

#pet #pet hospital #pet help #non profit #pet health

[kamandzak]

Sentences in my new WIP that hurt to write

Working title: Render me Speechless

Premise: Army medic Sam Taylor (narrator) loses his best friend and is left with a letter revealing secrets about her life. Said secrets lead to Sam landing in New Orleans to complete a mission; a mission that will turn into a journey of mutual healing as common threads between two trouble men blend seamlessly with their growing feelings.

"I was on the Formula One racetrack to nowhere for what felt like both minutes and lifetimes and when I finally hit the wall, I was on the sidewalk running in front of a small row of attached townhomes. If my life depended on giving directions to my current location, I’d be hung out by my heels and shot, and that would have been a welcome alternative to the real world."

"There was something horrifyingly stagnant in the knowledge and sensation that I was simply nowhere and nothing. What was life, and who was I, and why hadn’t I died instead of Cass, and why was I too much of a coward to put myself out of my own misery? I didn’t deserve to be alive."

"It was as if I no longer held the rights to my own bones."

"'Do you dissociate a lot? It’s nothing to be ashamed of,' he added quickly. 'It’s just a way to keep parts of you safe. It’s you protecting you in the only way that seems to work.' Will was staring straight ahead as if he hadn’t just encapsulated my yo-yo-ing brain in such a simple and clear way. 'It probably feels like everyone is watching but in the end we know who we are and taking care of yourself to the tune of others music will only muffle yours.'"

"Part of the programming of my childhood – intentional or not – was that only I could fix my problems and that the easy way was most likely a shortcut. You wouldn’t follow XYZ off a cliff, would you? Maybe not, but if I’m on an island that’s ablaze and there’s a boat at the bottom of the cliff, I’d rather live."

"I hated Cassie’s last few moments but I would have rather shouted them from the mountaintops than think about the version of me that would never set foot in the US again."

"The weight had dropped and all I could do was sit and be clung to by a man drowning in the finality of what a complete stranger had thrown into his life."

"J burst into sobs so gut wrenching I felt nauseous. They weren’t the cries of a dying soldier passing me his valuables so they could be sent to his partner. They weren’t the wails of a spouse who flew a distance to ID their loved one. These were the sounds of a man lit on fire; a man so distraught I wished I had snuck a gun into the ER so I could put him out of his misery."

"Being raised by a narcissist did a number on my childhood, namely that I never really had one. Being constantly forced into a mold meant I never found my default self. Add my unstable and impressionable mother with her own demons and I was a parentified child by my teens. No matter the issue, I was expected to find a solution and impartially execute. No fix equaled failure. Failure equaled blame. Blame laid the foundation and expectation and realty that any negative connections to said lack of fix was therefore my fault.

Adults have the experience and mental acuity to find the most effective fixes and the best ways to apply them. Ten-year-old's don’t."

"There was no doubt in my mind that combat had royally fucked me up. Beyond the injuries resulting from an ambush on our makeshift base, the range of ways in which every aspect of my existence was a barren wasteland terrified me. The Army had given me a place and purpose after a not-so-stellar childhood. The fact that something I held so close was also the reason I’d never feel comfortable in my own skin again broke my heart. It was all I had had and all I would ever have."

#writing #novel #author #novelist #writer #in progress #render me speechless #ptsd #combat #war #fiction #narcissistic parenting #grief #loss #platonic friendship #dissociation

[likeapray3r]

Falling in love in general has always been a complicated experience. You think you’re in love and you are but you fall so fast in hopes that you think you’ve finally found your person who will stay forever, but you know nobody’s ever stayed. And you know this person has never promised to stay. And maybe they’ve even disagreed with what and where they see the relationship going in the future. I always wonder if I’ll ever have the love that is easy and is soft and understanding and inclusive and honestly there. I always find myself watching my back when I’m in love. Sometimes I wonder if I’m enough this time, or maybe next time or the next time after that. Would you ever see me as someone that deserves reciprocation and hold a space for truly seeing me and loving me? Will I ever be worthy of not only bringing around town and live a day to day life with, but will you ever see me as someone who’s worth taking on a date? Am I worth surprises just because you love me? Or is there a catch? Will you take me on a date where all we do is talk about us and our future? Or am I just someone to emotionally dump onto everyday? Over and over again. To shrink smaller and smaller by burying me down with opinions of everyone else and everything else you deem more important. Will I ever be seen as someone who deserves to get that space to be cared for without dragging others down around at the same time. Will I be worth that time and space where there isn’t any defensiveness if I bring up something that makes me feel unsafe and anxious? Will I ever be worth protecting? Why would I have to live in constant anxiety, constant stress from friends talking about and bringing up your past relationship, bringing that to the relationship in the morning, constantly revolving the world around someone else who isn’t me and I’m not them. Will I ever get that space to be valued? Why do I find it in my heart to allow myself to be a doormat and let myself fall into an insecurity trap in these kinds of situations. Being compared to, I fall apart. Being compared against, I feel sick. Why am I really here? Was it ever love or was I just a fool the entire time? The pain is a revolving door you can’t find a way out of. My mind won’t allow peace in itself when it’s constantly worried that the space I hold isn’t as safe as we first set it out to be. My heart breaks little by little over time. You did it for her and why couldn’t you do it for me? This has been a reoccurring pattern ever since I was a teenager. Maybe the secret is to know I deserve better than to sit in a situation where my heart will be on a line that will soon break by the agitation of codependence. Will you ever do it for me, like I do for you, out of love and patience rather then in a rushed matter to try to shut me up. I rather be given a flower from the ground out of love than a bouquet handed to me out of frustration and demise of what love is supposed to be like. Why can’t I freely say, “hey I didn’t get to speak up for myself accurately, and that’s ok but I’m a little bummed out” without it getting spun on me that I’m making a problem. Naturally I don’t feel comfortable or safe around anyone that tries to minimize me, but I found myself minimizing myself all the time. My heart hurts, my love stays, but I cannot sit and watch and take everything on by myself. I can’t be used to my partner invalidating me, minimizing me, not hearing me, and not sticking up for me. It will break my heart over and over again. I make leaps and bounds for people I love but they never understand the weight of it. The safety there needs to be in order to stay. The empathy there needs to be to know it’s been a tough road and it’s getting tougher. I’m so tired of being minimized by the people I love and who I let near me. I’m not minimal. I hear everything I see your pain I feel your pain I just need you for once to see that I also have been met with these things and I would like to be held the same way through them. I keep hearing that it’ll all happen once you love yourself first. Someone will see it all one day

[dousemeinglitter]

Last night I had a dream that I got the opportunity to apologize to Parker in person for the way I acted when I lived in LA. This is something that has weighed heavy on my mind from time to time & there have been SO many times I’ve been tempted to reach out to him just to be able to explain.

I’m not the same girl I was when I lived in LA. I’m not that weak, selfish person who blamed everyone else for problems I needed to own. I think I’ve always wanted the opportunity to say, “Hey, look at me now. Look how much I’ve grown. I even eat sushi!” Obviously that’s just the tip of the iceberg for all the things I want to say and apologize for. I think I’ve carried the guilt from my actions in LA longer than I care to admit.

In a way, the dream was a bit therapeutic because I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to apologize face to face and that’s a fact I just need to accept. I know I deserve to be happy just as much as he deserves to be happy. Even though I was so ashamed for the way I acted, I’m grateful that I was able to learn and grow from the experience. When you go through an experience that breaks you, you have two choices: you can be angry & blame the world for all the bad that’s happening to you or you can take accountability, own up to your mistakes & change so that those mistakes never happen again.

That break up broke me for awhile, but now I understand how much more it hurts to feel so alone when you’re in a relationship. To have no support from your partner. To have your partner take out all their anger on you for shit in their life that isn’t even your fault. I learned immediately after the break up that I never wanted to be the reason someone I loved so deeply felt so lost & depressed because of my actions. To be the reason that the only way they could feel happy again was by letting me go because I was just dragging them down. It’s not an easy thing to do and I have so much respect for him for taking control of his own happiness.

Having to go through these past three years what I put him through in LA used to feel like a punishment. But now I know, I needed to take control of my own happiness just as he did. I understand now how we tend to rely on other people to make us happy when in reality it’s no one’s responsibility but your own. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to make you whole. You make yourself whole & a healthy partner is just a wonderful addition.

Today, I am not weak, selfish or insecure. I am strong, capable, determined, loyal, full of empathy & kindness. I have so much love to give & rather than continually giving it to toxic men who didn’t deserve it, I should have been giving it to myself. In the words of Sansa Stark, I’m a slow learner, but I learn. I love myself so much. I will never lower my standards again. I am extremely grateful, happy & fulfilled. & if I find someone who can compliment my life in a healthy way, then wonderful. If not then at least I won’t be giving the best parts of myself to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Now maybe I don’t need to carry the guilt of my past actions any longer. That dream may be the only kind of closure I get & I hope somewhere out there, Parker is happy, healthy & loved. I hope he can feel the weight of these words & forgive a girl who was young & selfish. But more importantly, I know I forgive that girl. She’s always growing, learning & evolving and I am SO proud of her.

-A

#relationships #growth #love

[rivers50ravn]

How To Defeat The Silent Killer, Sleep Apnea

If you've been diagnosed with sleep apnea, you may be in a state of confusion. Not knowing what to do is the hardest part about dealing with any affliction. If you're looking for information, you've come to the right place. Keep reading for some of the best tips for dealing with sleep apnea. Try playing a wind instrument. Playing the trumpet or a similar musical instrument should help you strengthen your throat and help you control your breathing. Your upper airways should become stronger and remain open throughout the night, which would make the symptoms of sleep apnea disappear or at least reduce them. Alleviate you sleep apnea by loosing weight. Many studies have demonstrated that sleep apnea can be significantly improved or even eliminated when patients slim down. You can go to the gym, join exercise classes or just get out and walk. Taking off the extra pounds will help you sleep more soundly. Try yourself to sleep on your side. If you fall asleep on your back, gravity can make it easier for your tongue and/or tonsils to fall back into your throat and obstruct your windpipe, causing apnea episodes. While it may be hard a first, as time passes, however, it will start to become second nature to sleep on your side. If you have sleep apnea and were just prescribed a CPAP, keep trying different masks until you find the one that fits you just right. Some masks may not be the right size or shape for your face. If festival trolley is leaking air into your eyes all night or rubbing the skin on your forehead raw, ask your sleep center to prescribe a different mask for you. If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from sleep apnea, you need to avoid caffeine and large meals before you go to bed. Stop eating and drinking any caffeinated beverages at least two hours before you go to bed. Both of these are linked to sleep apnea and should be avoided before bedtime. If you use a CPAP machine, make sure the mask fits well. Most people who quit using their CPAP machine usually say it is because the machine is uncomfortable. There are a number of different masks available, so you are not forced to use one that causes discomfort. Try out many different styles to find the right one. Do not sleep on your back if you have sleep apnea. Most people with sleep apnea tend to snooze lying face-up, and this can cause the airways to be more susceptible to interference. Prop yourself on your side using pillows or cushions. One great tip for people who sleep with an apnea sufferer is to use a white-noise machine. While this won't target the problem at all, it does at least help the partner to get a good night's sleep. Remember to use the same sound every night in order to sync the noise with relaxation. Do not drink to excess if you suffer from sleep apnea. If best sleeping bags drink, your throat muscles will relax too much, which will block your airways and cause snoring. You should either cease drinking alcohol or reduce your consumption to no more than a couple of drinks before dinner. That way, your sleep will not be affected. Even though festival packing list want to sleep better, do not take sleeping medication if you suffer from, or have a history of sleep apnea. What you may think will help will only make the condition worse by relaxing your muscles even more when you sleep. If you suffer from insomnia along with sleep apnea, speak with your doctor. Keep a generator at home. If there is a power outage, your CPAP machine will stop functioning. Some CPAP machines have a battery that will kick in if the power goes out but you should invest in a quality generator in case you have to remain without power for several hours. Now that you've reached the end of this article, you can see that there are things you can do about your sleep apnea. You don't have to simply accept it. Use what you've just learned to get a handle on this problem. You deserve to get the sleep that you need.

#festival packing list #fe