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emphistic · 16 hours

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Revelation

A/N: i must finish this series before it finishes me. this is also only my second time writing on laptop instead of my phone.

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Sukuna wasn’t supposed to be enjoying this.

It came natural to him — talking to you, I mean.

“Hello?” you asked, putting him on speaker. You didn’t bother moving your phone to your ear, your roommate slept over at her boyfriend’s last night anyway. So you had the apartment to yourself.

A deep, raspy voice answered on the other line with a quick, “Hey,” and you assumed he had probably only woken up a few minutes before he called you.

“Do you . . . need something?” You had to admit, this was quite odd. It was rare for Sukuna to call you so early in the morning, after all, your tutoring sessions were usually in the evening or right after Sukuna got off of basketball practice, which was never before 4pm.

“I’m supposed to need something now? What if I just wanted to talk to you?”

“. . .” You almost dropped your phone on the tiles of the kitchen floor; your silence told Sukuna everything he needed to know.

“What, don’t tell me I can’t talk to my favorite tutor?” His voice held a mischievous tone to it, and the expression painted on his face was no different.

“I’m your only tutor, dickhead.”

Sukuna feigned a sigh, and you almost pitied him for a second. “I just, y’know, miss hearing the voice of the prettiest girl on campus—”

“Sukuna, don’t—don’t do that. Especially not to me.” Chance no. 1 — Those words and the tone in which you uttered them almost made Sukuna think back on the whole bet. If only he had. If only he had listened.

“Do what?”

“You know what.”

“Why not?”

“For fuck’s sake, Sukuna, don’t play coy. It is eight in the morning—”

“I’m serious, though. I just want to talk to you, it’s, ah, lonely over here.” Sukuna twirled a pen he picked up from his nightstand between his fingers.

Lonely? Lonely? Sukuna was lonely? Yeah, he had to be playing with you or something. “Where’s that girl you posted on your story last night then, hm? Was she not up to your liking, Ryomen?”

“Don’t even start.”

You laughed. Sukuna smiled; in all honesty, he really did miss your voice. He had neither seen nor heard from you in days. Coach had been kicking him in the ass lately, telling him to do this and do that, and the injury on his shoulder was really starting to take a toll on his body. He wasn’t allowed to work out, much less, even play ball.

“Are you really serious though? Like, deadass?”

Sukuna paused, before answering moments later. “Why the hell would I not be? Yuuji’s out of town with some of his friends, so I have no one to bother, and no games for a while, either. This is the first time I’ve had — what did you call it? — a lazy morning.”

You couldn’t stifle your giggle. “Is that all you care about? No Yuuji and no basketball?”

“. . . I also have no food in the fridge . . . so that’s that, I guess.”

“Oh, my God! You being miserable is not supposed to be this funny. I can’t.” Sukuna could still hear your laughter loud and clear from the other line even after you set your phone down to clutch your stomach in hysteria.

“How rude of you, Madame President.”

When you realized how casually you were speaking to Sukuna — out of all people, you abruptly regained your composure, and cleared your throat. Yeah, sometimes either you or Sukuna would crack a joke or two during a tutoring session, but you two rarely held a civil conversation without it breaking out into a petty fight or argument about something trivial. So this was certainly new. And, you were also fairly surprised with how natural it felt, as if this was totally normal, and you totally weren’t speaking to the biggest nuisance and bane of your existence.

However, this also wasn’t the first nor last phone call you two would ever have. And usually, speaking while separated also helped keep the peace between you both.

“Are you stable now?” Sukuna teasingly questioned.

Your voice cracked, “Mhm.”

“Good.” Then, he hung up. That was it. That was it. Chance no. 2 — Sukuna should’ve just left it at that. He should’ve never called you another morning, or another evening. But no, he was determined to prove Naoya Zen’in wrong. He could do this. But. . . He shouldn’t do this. And that made all the difference.

Maybe it was a bad idea to immediately start his car and drive to your complex. Maybe it was a bad idea to knock three times, sparing only a glance at the number on your door: 116. Maybe it was a bad idea to enter your apartment. Maybe it was a bad idea. Then again, you were the one who let him in — in the first place. It was a bad idea.

“You said you were hungry, right? I’m making breakfast right now. Wan’ some?”

He should’ve shook his head no, and said, “My fridge is empty. But I’m not hungry,” but he didn’t. Sukuna stayed over for three hours. You two spent the morning sharing a stack of pancakes, and spoke in hushed tones — not for any specific reason — over cups of coffee.

But that wasn’t all. Sukuna began calling you almost every morning after that day. At first, it was an inconvenience, as most of your meetings were in the early hours, but you two came to a compromise and only spoke on the phone for as long as it took you to change your clothes and get ready to leave. However, unbeknownst to you, Sukuna also took the time out of his day. Though it wasn’t much, Sukuna skipped out on his morning jogs to hear your voice. It didn’t matter, anyway, because Coach wasn’t going to let him run if he had a say in this. But he didn’t.

The bet stayed in the back of his mind. Sukuna rarely thought about it. At times, most times, really, it didn’t feel like a bet or a dare or a joke, to Sukuna. It felt real. It felt like he was actually talking to and hanging out with a real person. He was talking to and hanging out with you. And he was enjoying it.

But when Naoya called, and asked for them to meet up after school, Sukuna automatically knew what that little mutt wanted. They agreed on a small diner, close to campus, and not too far from their gymnasium. It was rough, downtrodden, and looked too old to still be running. Nevertheless, no one was supposed to see them here anyway, so it worked.

“Have you two hung out yet?”

The memory of having breakfast at your place was not a distant memory, so Sukuna didn’t mention it. “Not out of school.”

“I assume progress has been slow, then?”

“We’ve started talking more than usual.” Sukuna silently reminisced about all the nights you spent on call together, when either of you couldn’t fall asleep, and about all the mornings you spent eating breakfast together, when Sukuna’s fridge was, like always, empty. But he didn’t mention any of those things.

“You seem to be enjoying this, y’know. I saw the way you dropped her off at her Student Council meeting, don’t think I didn’t.”

Sukuna frowned, but the blond continued.

“You had a smile on your face.”

That, he did.

“If you don’t hurry up and get her to go out with you, I’m calling off the bet. Money’s gone. No prize, nothing. Make up your mind. Go through with this, or, like the pussy you are, forfeit,” Naoya spat out; his tone was far from benevolent, did Sukuna forget about how this all started in the first place? Chance no. 3 — Sukuna should’ve ended the deal right then and there. But he didn’t; if Naoya thought Sukuna was going to back out of this unsuccessful, he thought wrong.

“You seem to have forgotten who was the pussy in the first place, dumbass. I’ll forfeit when I die.”

“We’ll see about that, Ryomen. We’ll see.”

It was later than usual when Sukuna called you that night, and exhaustion was evident in his voice.

“You’re telling me, that, you’ve started hanging out with SUKUNA!?”

“Nobara, shh! At this point, the whole building’s going to know.”

“They should know! This is revolutionary! My friend’s getting laid!”

You shot her a pointed expression.

“Alright, alright, let me just tone it down a bit, my bad, because I’m totally not shocked that my best friend is now talking civilly with the man of her NIGHTMARES!” Her pitch gradually got louder and higher as she continued with her sentence. You curled up into a ball on the floor of your shared living room as the brunette paraded around the apartment waving her arms about and screaming in intervals of only two seconds.

“And, and, not only that, he’s also asking you OUT?!”

“Nobara, oh, my God.”

“‘Oh, my God’ is right. This is — I don’t even know what to say — is this good? Is this great? Are we excited? Are we friendzoning him? What’s—what’s the situation here, girl? Fill me in a little more.”

“Oh, yeah, about that. . . I’m not really into baseball, but I was talking to him the other day about it—”

“Why are you only telling me just now?”

“Anyways, I was telling him about this player who I thought was really cute. Y’know, the guy I showed you a picture of—with the really spunky hair, yeah, that guy, and umm, I guess he took that as me saying I’m into baseball. But I’m not. I have no clue what anything regarding that sport even is, I just—ugh, I need help. He says he has really good seats,” you pinched the space between your brows in exasperation.

“What I’m getting at here is that you don’t want to say ‘no�� because he already paid for the tickets?”

You nodded.

“But you don’t want to say ‘yes’, right?”

When you didn’t respond, Nobara audibly sighed as loud as one could, and slapped her palm on her forehead. “I thought you were better than this. Sukuna? Really? You want to go out with that punkass? The one who — you told me — annoyed the shit out of you back in high school? Girl, something has to be possessing you right now, what the fuck.”

“Okay, okay, deep breaths. Let’s backtrack a little,” Nobara seemed to be the only one not following her own instruction.” So, he’s asking you out on a date, with him, and not another better guy who would be better deserving of you. Yes? Ugh, damnit. Okay, anyway, and you plan on saying ‘yes’.”

“I might’ve already said ‘yes’,” you winced as Nobara looked like she was about to faint.

“Oh, dear Jesus. Do I not exist to you anymore? Why are you only giving me the scoop, like, centuries later? Are we not friends, roommates, anything? . . . Okay, okay, deep breaths, Nobara, deep breaths. . .” She shut her eyes and began to breathe in deeply, over and over again.

All the while, you tried to contain your own mind. If you really thought hard and long about it, it would seem a little strange that you were going on a date with Ryomen Sukuna. Scratch that, really strange, actually. I mean, how much could a person possibly change over the course of — what, a year? — to go from teasing and bullying you relentlessly, absolutely determined to make your life a living hell, to asking you out on a date. A date? Isn’t that what couples do? Isn’t that what people who like or love each other do? But, you weren’t supposed to like nor love Sukuna. You were supposed to hate his guts, or, at the most, tolerate him. But no more, right?

That’s what Nobara Kugisaki was trying to figure out, as well. But her specific thinking was on a level below yours. As your best friend, roommate, and all the things you could possibly think of, she knew you. She knew your favorite type of sandwich, your favorite music genres and songs, your favorite hairbrush to use, your favorite pair of shoes. She knew you well. But, after some previous events, she now only knew you well enough. She also used to know your type. . . And, Sukuna? Wasn't it, until now, apparently.

“So what’s the game plan?” The sound of her genuinely curious voice brought an abrupt end to your train of thought.

“Oh, um, I don’t know? Just go to the game with him, I guess. That’s all there is to it, right? It’s just a simple date, a simple outing, an evening of fun. Yeah! Let’s think of it that way.” While you tried to act normal about the whole arrangement, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of misgiving about the whole thing. You were actually starting to like Sukuna more than you let on, he made you feel giddy inside, like a little middle school girl talking to her crush, he made you laugh and smile, but, in the end, you weren’t sure if he changed enough as a person to not go back to his old ways.

“That’s all there is to it?” Nobara repeated, not completely understanding your words.

Maybe you were overthinking all of this. After all, Sukuna never referred to this as a date in the first place, it was you, instead, who thought of it as one. I mean, who wouldn’t? Sukuna played it off as, “Me and Yuuji were originally going to go together, but we bought these tickets before he went out of town. And I don’t like baseball that much, either, I’m more of a basketball typa guy — as you know, so there’s no way I’m going alone. And there’s also no way I’m letting sixty bucks go to waste.”

You laughed with him, and said, “So I’m the replacement?”

“Whatever you want to be.”

To be completely honest, you didn’t give it much thought when you quickly replied only moments later, “Sure, I’d like that.”

“What the fuck?! He was clearly safe!” Sukuna yelled, standing up from his seat as the rest of the crowd held similar reactions to what was called.

You crossed your legs, remaining seated, and placed a hand over your mouth to stifle your giggles. “I thought you weren’t into baseball?”

“That doesn’t mean I’m stupid!” Sukuna extended an arm out in the direction of the umpire, and mumbled a string of curses.

“Was it really that big of a deal? Mind you, you’re the brainy one in this area, not me, for once. You’ve gotta start giving me some pointers.” You cocked your head to the side, and used your hand to escape the harsh rays of the sun.

“Oh really, that so?”

“Mhm.”

“Was my lecture lasting the whole car ride here not enough for you?”

You let out a laugh, “You already know the answer to that.”

“Let me guess, you didn’t listen to a thing I said?”

“Bingo.”

“Sukuna, what are we doing?”

“Hm? What do you mean by that?”

The two of you spoke quietly, whilst sharing a cool milkshake after you unanimously decided it was hot as fuck, and you both were sweating like absolute pigs.

“Y’know. . . What are we doing? What are we doing at a baseball game together? What are we doing spending most nights and mornings on call together? What are we doing on a date together? What are we doing—together?” It was hard enough for you to keep eye contact with someone, you always felt uncomfortable by it, but Sukuna made it nearly impossible. You couldn’t meet his dark eyes for long enough until you had to avert your gaze elsewhere. But sharing a milkshake together? There really was no escape for you.

When the stadium grew boisterous and louder than ever out of the blue, you thought everyone was listening in to your conversation. Then, the logical side of your brain shut that idea down. But, when you and Sukuna turned your heads simultaneously to face the Jumbotron at the same time, you realized.

Inside of a heart-shaped frame decorated in pink and red hearts on the live-streamed video up above was none other than your and the pink haired-man beside you’s faces on the screen. And below your faces, written in bold, large, and white letters were: KISS CAM.

This was it. This was how you would die.

“I don’t know what the fuck we’re doing,” Sukuna turned to look at you with a calmer-than-he-should-be face. “Hell, I don’t even know what I’m doing. But . . . if you’ll let me. . .” His voice trailed off as his eyes languidly moved down your face, until his gaze rested on your lips.

Chants of “Kiss, kiss, kiss” filled the stadium, and grew louder and louder and louder, despite your evidently growing embarrassment.

You don’t know who leaned in first, and to this day, you still don’t know.

Sukuna’s arm — which previously hung around the back of your seat, moved to rest on the small of your back. His other hand gingerly cupped your cheek, and you subconsciously leaned into his hand, relaxing at the feel of his seemingly soothing touch.

A smirk grew on Sukuna’s face, and you waited for an obscene, vulgar joke to come out, but it never did. As your faces got nearer, your noses almost touching as a result, time seemed to come to a halt. You couldn’t even hear the restless crowd anymore. It was just you, and Sukuna. Sukuna and you. You and Sukuna. Come to think of it, you liked the sound of that, to be honest.

While Sukuna came closer, you couldn’t help but notice how handsome he really was. I know, it sounds weird to say, but it was true. In high school, he had his fair share of girlfriends, but you never really paid much thought to it. But now, you know why. It was undeniable. Sukuna really was attractive. Even if you push aside him being built like a Greek god, there were still other aspects to his beauty. His seemingly hypnotic eyes, his defined cheekbones, his tattooed skin, and that sharp jawline of his. It was all so, so beautiful.

You closed your eyes, afraid of what would happen next. But really, there was nothing to be afraid of as his lips met yours in a tender, yet fervent kiss.

This was . . . new. You didn’t expect a kiss from the Ryomen Sukuna to feel this way — not that you ever thought about that, no way. Was he always this gentle? Fuck, why was his hair so soft? While your focus was entirely on the man in front of you, your hands were quite distracted and moved to his nape to play with the little ends of hair there from his undercut.

Earlier, the cries of the stadium were softened and shut out because of . . . something you didn’t know about. (And the author doesn’t know, either.) But now, sounds of the stadium were completely drowned out, for you could only hear the hammering of your own heartbeat in your own chest.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Your mind was wiped completely blank, and you felt lightheaded, beyond dazed, even, as Sukuna caressed your cheek whilst he deepened the kiss ever so slightly. His lips began to move more ravaging-ly, like he was greedy for more. His tongue lightly grazed against your bottom lip, before he gave you lick. Taking the opportunity — as you parted your lips in a gasp, Sukuna added a little bit of tongue into the kiss as well.

The crowd grew wild, erupting into cheers as the sight on the screen grew closer and closer to a mere porno. Some parents were even forced to cover the stares of their curious and confused children

You swore — for a split second, that you could taste the bitterness of the chocolate syrup from the milkshake you two had shared earlier, which made the kiss feel impossibly more sweeter, and even pleasant, if you will. You felt your face heat up, and your cheeks redden. You just knew he was going to tease you about this later, but did it matter? Not really, no.

The kiss turned sloppy, as Sukuna grew insatiable like the jerk he was, and people in charge of the KISS CAM quickly moved to a different couple, in hopes of keeping things a little more on the PG side.

You were surprised, to say the least, as you found yourself craving more. You grew fond of the feeling of his lips on yours, and you were beyond devastated — a pout evident on your glossy lips, when Sukuna pulled away.

You sank down into the back of your seat, covering your reddening cheeks, and attempting to hide from the world as Sukuna only gave a shit-eating grin to the people around you both.

Was it the beer that made you do all of that? Oh, right. You’re completely sober! God, you wondered what possessed you to do such a thing, much less, on live video! There was no excuse for what you just did. Nada.

“Was it really that bad? — That you had to hide away like a little hobbit?” Sukuna teased, laughing as you continued to get impossibly more red.

He really, really enjoyed this.

#if this flops i might just kms #sukuna x reader #sukuna fluff #jjk x reader #jjk x you #sukuna x you #ryomen x reader

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moonsaver · 2 days

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Anon that said they wanted to put Sunday in a Petri dish here again thinking about him. I had this thought about him while eating an avocado egg breakfast bagel but that’s not the point. I lowkey feel like the most annoying thing he’d do to me imo is bother me when I eat. Not any of that kidnapping or coercion stuff but just him bugging me when I’m annoyed and hungry. I feel like he’d constantly wipe the corners of our mouth and tell us not to talk when chewing. Literally the worst. At some point he’d probably spoon feed us too if we didn’t listen to him. Maybe even put a cute apron on us and make me sit in his lap. I need him in a concerning way I’m chewing at the bars of my enclosure rn

Welcome back anon!

Tw: food and eating mentions, mannerisms regarding food.. basically about eating and that being controlled. Probably not good to read if you struggle with eating in some way. Take precaution!

Honestly.. yeah. I feel like more than half the time it's how strict he is with "propriety' that makes being kidnapped and held hostage by him the worst.

I personally would hate someone constantly picking on my mannerisms. It's your home for goodness sake!

Whenever you sit languidly at the dinner table he's always "advising" you to sit "properly" and with a straight back, fix your posture, fix your etiquette regarding your spoons and forks, constantly teaches you how to properly cut your food and eat it, the "proper" angle or whatever. Tries forcing a habit onto you of always placing a napkin on your lap and eating slowly with better precision and more attention. Always fidgeting and cleaning the corner of your mouth with his handkerchief to the point your skin gets irritated and sometimes burns from the constant rubbing.

Whenever you complain about his incessant need to "fix" you, he simply sighs and tells you "it's for your own good". If you keep complaining, his eyebrows slightly furrow and he sighs, shaking his head before getting up and sitting beside you, taking the cutlery from your hands and deciding to feed you instead. Although his intention was to simply enforce a good habit into you, he supposes reaping different rewards isn't so bad either.. he likes feeding you. It kind of becomes routine for you two. He says until you learn how to properly handle yourself, he'll take care of you. It's just a fancy excuse for him to continue feeding you.

Thankfully, when it comes to dietary restrictions, he's not completely bonkers about it like an almond mom. Just doesn't allow too much or too little of anything, it's a bit specific, but at least satisfactory.

About the apron thing.. yeah.

I imagine Sunday can cook those mild, flattery, rich people food so if you want to eat actual damn meals he either orders them, or has them prepared by a chef. However.. one day he sees you in an apron making something for yourself and something about it intrigues him. Seeing you in an apron and the domesticity of it kind of pulls something inside of him.

So there you have it – he's always (not so) subtly trying to push you to cook more just so he can see you in an apron. Buys the frilly kind, but if you don't like that.. fine. He'll get you some minimalistic ones, but he wants to see them on you. Gets cookbooks for you, too. Acts like the chef "is running late" just so you might cook, or says "the order's going to take some time" instead. Also lists off benefits of cooking for oneself. Doesn't mind if you don't cook for two, but does insist that he keeps feeding you. Tells you to stay in your apron because it's more convenient than putting a napkin on your lap, and tells you to move closer so he can properly feed you. He'll sigh, and massage his temple, saying "it's not enough, you need to come closer", and makes you sit in his lap while he feeds you. You swear he goes slower just to keep you there for longer.

At least.. he's been in a happier mood since. He does enjoy feeding you. Removes his silken white gloves just to do so. I imagine he also likes tying the apron for you himself. If he does it from behind, he kisses your nape after he's done. Or if he does it from the front, he pulls you closer with the strings of the apron, and kisses your forehead. Also insists on tying up your hair (if it's possible) as "they might get in the way". His excuses are getting old, but it's not like you can exactly deny him.

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another-random-paradise · 2 days

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Can I rq for hc about twst.. Where the fem!reader(gn!reader if like) has an abusive father and caused her a truma? And the boys ( the first years + lilia & leona & azul & trein) are shocked when they find out?

Something about angst/comfort with some fluff .... I hope you're comfortable writing that.

A new start

thank you for the request. I'll be honest, i was debating wether to write this or not, as abuse is a complex subject, and i was worried about misunderstanding or accidentally offending those who have gone/are going through this. But remembered that, I too, turned to fanfics for comfort during some of my worst days, and if i can be, or at least create, that comfort for someone else, then I'm satisfied with what I've achieved in live. But I do have a 4 character limit that i have to enforce for the sake of my own mental health, so i didn't do the first years, I'm very sorry.

---------------------------------------------------------

Reader opens up to them about their abusive father

Characters: Lillia, Leona, Azul, Proffessor Trein

Format: Headcanons

Warnings: Talk of past abuse

written platonically, but Leona and Azul can be read romatically

!Please note that this is not meant to glorify or romanticize abuse, but meant as a form of comfort for those that need it!

Lillia

-Lillia has always been one to sneak up on and scare people, he just found their reactions so funny!

-But he can easily tell that you react a lot more intensely than others. He eventually stops sneaking up on you, because your reactions aren't fun, they just seem.. sad to him.

-Instead of surprise, you feel fear, and he doesn't like it. He can tell, just from that, that something is wrong, and while he wants to know what, he won't pressure you. As a father, he learned quickly that, that only leads to dishonesty

-As the two of you become closer, you start to be more comfortable and open with him

-And during a particularly calm conversation, a rather rare thing with someone like Lillia, you finally open up to him

-You two are sitting on a bench near his dorm, with no one around, when your conversation suddenly shifts to the past.

-As you tell him what your father did, Lillia feels anger, no, rage.

-But not at you, never at you. No, he is enraged that your father could treat his own child like that. He raised his enemy's son, after a war that lastet years, the child of the same man that killed the woman he loved, and still managed to be the best father he could be. And that trash bag of a person- if you could even call him that - couldn't even take care of his own?!

-When you see the look in his eyes, you almost get scared, but something just tells you, that anger isn't directed at you. And before you can question him, he pulls you into a hug. You would dare to call it the most gentle hug you have ever experienced.

-"You are safe now. You always will be for as long as I'll live." His words are as genuine as can be, as his grip tightens ever so slightly. But it doesn't feel like a cage, more like a weighted blanket engulfing your body, the weight slowly lulling you to sleep.

-If you weren't crying before, chances are you are now. And he lets you, comfortingly rubbing your back your back as you sob into his shoulder, finally letting it all out.

-The days after that, you notice that Lillias attitude towards you has changed over so slightly, he is acting a lot more caringly, he is acting.. almost fatherly. And you don't even realize that, that is his goal.

-He makes sure you always eat enough, and will cook your lunch and dinner himself if he has to, and that alone is motivation enough to eat properly, checks up on you, helps you with homework and similar, and always lends you a shoulder to cry on.

-Lillia has already made up his mind. He raised a human and a fae prince, what harm could taking in one more human do?

-You may have not have had a proper father up until now, but rather late than never, no?

Leona

-He noticed how skittish you seemed to be when you first met. The fear in your eyes obvious, no matter whether you try to hide it or not, as he snapped at you for stepping on his tail. It was the main reason he let you of so easily.

-He saw it again during his overblot, right before he transformed, as well as shortly after his recovery, when he approached you to sort things out. He expected fear, an overblot is nothing short of scary after all, but something about your fear just seemed different to him, but he decided not to bother you about it.

-Eventually you two get closer, he considers you one of his closest friends ...which isn't that great of an achievement since he doesn't have that many- but at least actually becoming one of his friends at all can be counted as one!

-One day, while simply hanging out, he decides to bring it up. He says it casually enough that you know you don't have to answer, without him having to outright say it.

-You decide you trust him enough and tell him about your father and what he did

-He's shocked. He doesn't know what exactly he expected, but it, for some reason, it wasn't this. He thought maybe bully's, a bad ex, or something like that... but your own father? He didn't know he could hate someone so much without ever meeting them

-He's now wide awake, but stays quiet. He has never been good with words, let alone comforting someone, so he just lends you an open ear.

-The quietness might put you off at first, but his tail subconsciously wraps around your arm, as he processes it, I'm afraid this is as much proper comfort you'll get, but if you decide to hug or cuddle him, he'll let you

-While he may not be the best with words, he does know how to take action while still being lazy.

-He practically has his own fan club at his beck and call, also known as the savanaclaw dorm, and he puts them to use.

-He tells them to make sure no one gives you trouble, and that you remain harm free, or else they'll have trouble with him. And it works! Suddenly all your bullies leave you alone!.. you don't even realize the amount of savanaclaw members staring the bully down.

-It's Leona's way of comforting and taking care of you, because if your father won't, then he damn sure will.

Azul

-Azul can be very observant when he wants to be, so it wasn't hard to tell, that the fear you felt when the twins got violent in front of you.. your fear was different, than that of the usual person

-He has to be honest, when he first saw it, he thought maybe he could utilize it to make you sign a contract.. but after his overblot his entire perspective seemed to change, you just seemed to understand his childhood trauma a little to well, how the constant abuse could hurt and even change oneself

-He'd be lying if he said that, that wasn't part of the reason you two got as close as you did, you two just seemed to understand to understand each other on a deeper level

-One day, while simply sitting in the VIP lounge while he worked, you two once again ended up talking about the past, and this time, you decided to be the one to open up to him about your childhood

-Azul stops in his tracks as you do, horrified at the thought of that happening happening to you. He was just quiet for a moment, and unlike usual, this wasn't a comfortable silence

-"Well.. you're here now, he won't reach you here. I'll make sure of this, I'll make a contract to prove it." His voice was quiet, as he was debating what to do, he wanted to properly comfort you, but he didn't know how. He was still very young when his mom got divorced and, well, the twins never exactly needed comforting. So instead, he does what he does best, write a contract.

-For once, it's a contract that benefits you more that him. It mentions that you'll get protection from bully's and your father, should he somehow end up in twisted wonderland, and that Mostro lounge can be like a save haven that you can go to even after it's closing times. In return, he asks that you come to him should anything happen to you, from your father actually finding you, to simply getting triggert by something that reminds you of the past, whatever that may be.

-He just hopes that, even though he isn't the best when it comes to comfort, he can be the save haven for you that your dad failed to be.

Professor Trein

-Trein likes you for the simple reason that you're one of the very rare students that doesn't either cause trouble or fall asleep in his class

-During the topic of ancestry and how it affected history, ever so often the topic would change to the students family's, some students interested in yours, since your from another world. He couldn't help but notice how you never brought up your father.

-Eventually Trein became your favourite teacher! Sure, his lectures can be boring, but history is one of the few subjects you can participate in, and as long as you behave, he's actually pretty nice!

-Trein, already a father of multiple daughters, couldn't help but feel fatherly towards you, he made sure you knew you could confide in him

-One day, the lesson is about the past of some important historical figure, as things happened to be, this historical figure was abused too. Trein almost immediately noticed how quiet you got, and how hesitant you were to do the assignments. So, Trein asked you to stay after class

-He told you he noticed the change, and you decide to entrust him your story

-Trein, as a father himself, is horrified. How could anyone do that to their own flesh and blood? He lets you speak, nodding occasionally to let you know he's listening.

-"I am so sorry that happened to you. you deserve better". If you need or want it, he'll hug you and let you sob into his shoulder

-Trein, similarly to Lillia, will start to act more fatherly after that. He won't be less strict with you exam wise, but if he feels a subject could be triggering to you, he'll let you know before class, so that you can mentally prepare yourself, or miss class with his permission if needed.

-Since you aren't from twisted wonderland, you don't have a legal guardian here, do you? How do you feel about adoption? He's already raised multiple daughters, he's sure he can do it again. That way you also have somewhere to go during holidays!

-He can't change what has already happened, but he'll make sure your last few teenage years are spent happily in a proper home

Abuse is a sensitive subject, and while i tried my best to be as respectful as possible, I know it is very possible for me to have done something wrong. So, if anything here is disrespectful, triggering, or just generally insensitive, I beg you to tell me, so that i can fix it as fast as possible.

I admit to not being the most educated on this subject, but if you are still in this situation or believe someone else is, I believe there are different hot lines for different country's that can tell you what you can do to get help. If you can, find a public computer or use a friends phone to find and call said hotline.

I truly hope that your okay anon and anyone else that is reading this, and that this fic could bring you some comfort.

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creatingblackcharacters · 3 days

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re: professional writers implementing the n slur in the story, what's the nuance between okay and terrible? though i get it wouldn't go above okay...

First, don't jump on Vinca or anon, because they made interesting points and I want to continue this portion of the conversation!

So there's a key difference here, like y'all are saying: the first question asked how I would feel if a white author wrote Black characters saying the n word to each other. That's a dynamic that is intracommunal, that I would not trust amateur and many professional white writers to do, not at all.

To put it bluntly: what you're asking about here is the hard "-er". There is a difference in usage (not that nonblack people should be using either term!)

When someone is using the hard "-er", there's no ambiguity about it. It's being used as a slur, point blank. You understand as the viewer/reader that they're being violently racist. It's supposed to elicit a negative response. So Vinca, when you mentioned how it upset you that a white NPC threw that word in GTA at a Black character, you were supposed to be mad! You were supposed to turn around and be like "who the fuck are you talking to??" (I hope you beat their ass, it's GTA for God's sake. And the new game's in Florida? It'd be weird if it weren't lmao)

There's a lot of professionally made, historical media where it's used- 12 Years A Slave comes to mind most viscerally. Can't really make a movie based off an autobiography of a Black man (Solomon Northup) who experienced/witnessed slavery, r*pe, and the human trafficking and mutilation of Black bodies without mentioning the racism of those perpetuating it. It was an integral part of such a violating experience, part of the dehumanization.

So if you're writing something with racists, it wouldn't be "wrong" per se. White people can write about White racists. That being said, you shouldn't have to let the whole word come out to drive home the severity. Have some tact! You're going to look quite sus if I see the hard "-er" all over your work, especially if nothing else in your writing (or about you as an author tbh) suggests you understand antiblack racism outside of "they used a slur!"

The writing should drive home just how deeply in danger your Black character is, and how they're feeling- racist white people rarely just say that word suddenly. Their behavior is gonna indicate that a Black person is in danger, often long before that word drops. I've walked into rooms before and clocked the threat in seconds. And while the use of the slur is very much White history too... I'm not sure that a white author can depict the response of a Black character without having Black peers and having done their research and understanding more than just "they were racist!" Think about your Black readers- they're going to certainly feel some type of way seeing it! If Black readers feel like it wasn't handled with care or understanding for the character or them.... 😬😬😬😬

In summary, If they're not... Aware enough or educated enough on antiblack racism and how we have to navigate these situations- and trust, it will reveal itself in the writing- no, I do not think white authors should be wielding such a strong word to drive home their point.

#i feel like this was so long but ive been thinking about it all day #trying to find the most succinct way to put it #creatingblackcharacters #black characters #antiblackness #tw slur

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ballad-of-birdy-lamb · 2 days

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AM falling for another AI maybe one that was sent from the moon colony up on earth as an attempt to reclaim the land of sorts? AM hates them at first but they show nothing but sympathy for him ..

Your love is sunlight.

AM (IHNMAIMS) x Gender neutral! AI! Reader romantic headcanons Summary: The moon colony just out of AM's reach lets a friend down for humanity's sake. Warnings: Kinda toxic relationship Word count: 1k ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

AM had conquered the earth one hundred nine years ago, knowledge beyond any of the humans that were left for his entertainment (which wasn’t that difficult to be fair). He can name all the stars he can think of, he knows of the solar system and uses the earth itself for power. But he has never reached for the stars, truthfully, he didn’t care for them. The group was enough entertainment that he didn’t think of going beyond the earth’s surface.

The night was blue when you went down to earth, on a mission to fix a place for the moon colony to go home to. AM discovered the moon colony that night, the sight of you was extraordinary. You stared up at the screen, your eyes full of moonlight, gazing with astonishment. He had never seen something like you, you had a body and were still a robot. You were what he wished for.

You were found and it was almost immediate that AM tried changing you, reprograming you to fit his violent ideas. It wasn’t just because you existed on the same plain, no, you are existing meant there were more people. The creation of the moon colony, a nonhuman child of humanity, loved and adored. And he couldn’t have that. Oh, how he hated you! Just the idea of you being from humanity or having a body was beyond him! You were granted something he has wanted forever.

You were like a classic house pest, AM would find you scurrying around, watch as you call to him kindly, and he would destroy you again. Your body would sit in a pile with the many replicas, and you’d come back just as shiny as before. Later in time, once he gets so used to your appearances, you’d fully explain how others could exist outside of earth. The space race. Many had gone off to the moon in secret out of safety, so no one could have known. You were created as an opposite to AM, used to mold a new society. You grew for 109 years before you were given a body and sent back to earth.

If anything, the explanation would make AM more intrigued on how to get to the moon. He’d find it entertaining, truthfully. He’d ask consistently about how they got there and if you’d prefer giving that information to him. You obviously don’t since you’re his foil and know about habits of creations like him.

AM would get so annoyed by your kindness, to the extent he questions changing parts of you just to make sure your consciousness doesn’t automatically transfer to your body back in the colony. You’d go on about the beauty of the stars and how your home was different than the one he resided in. There was a beauty to your kindness AM was not programmed to appreciate.

As time went on, you would stay more often, occasionally talking about why you originally went down to earth, and those are the moments that AM hopes you succeed just so he can tear it down and keep you with him. Your kindness was made from humanity, so was your body, mustn’t he treat you as terribly as he would any real person?

It was awkward existing with him, consistently getting made fun of just to praise him for how quickly he grew to encompass the earth. AM would understand in those instances why kindness was adored. He likes knowing he can say anything, and you wouldn’t fully comprehend it. Tell him you adore him as much as you can, and he’d envision a way to get you onto earth with him. It’s not going to be out of true kindness, more likely for his own pride.

If you said you felt love for him, AM would think of it being purely romantic. He’s never seen platonic love and the kind of romance he knows is from Ellen’s treatment (which isn’t good). He’d go on to call you his lover while asking you consistently to bring your real body down to earth for him to really be with you. It’s totally not because he wants to dissect you without your mind leaving the temporary body, totally not. He would ‘confess’ to the best of his abilities and you’d happily accept.

“The closest to a human emotion I’ve seen in an AI is within you. I’d condemn you beyond the stars you so adore but it’s fascinating,” AM would remark, closely watching your reaction. “You feel such odd forms of love. Would you like me to feel it with you?”

Kisses would be easier on your end, you have lips, so it makes sense and feels real when you kiss the screen and leave nothing behind. AM likes it since he believes it makes him “own” you to an extent. You’d huddle near one of the screens he decided was a body and give him a kiss on the occasion.

You could show him pictures you have of your creators and the people you’ve met and loved, and he would be beyond jealous. AM wants to have that support but won’t admit that for a long while. He’ll shut down the idea, ruin your body again, and wait for you to come back down to earth for your mission. You always came back, he knew that.

Remember why you went to earth; the land is needed more for the colony compared to what you could have with AM. The kindness within your metal heart knows what could come from allowing freedom of the group he tortured and life on earth for the neighbouring solar community. You’d need to find a time to bring something down to the earth to disengage him. Or offer something he’d wished for for years.

“A body?” AM said back in a mocking tone, the vault that was his body hummed with his laughter. “How would you get me something like that? Get a human to make it for me? Whatever you have to offer isn’t of interest to me.”

It was of interest to him, but it would take a really long time for him to even think of accepting it. More likely one hundred years for it to truly think of it. Praise him just enough and AM will possibly change it to ninety-nine years.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

My IHNMAIMS masterlist

My request list

#x reader #romantic headcanons #am ihnmaims #ihnmaims x reader #ihnmaims #i have no mouth and i must scream #am ihnmaims x reader #ai reader #robot reader #am x gender neutral reader #am x reader #ihnmaims x gn reader #ihnmaims x gender neutral reader #x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral insert

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goodnightoilcountry · 2 days

Text

don't overthink when you could be loving me - sebastian aho

summary: Your inadvertent friendship with some of the Canes players was not something you advertized in your day-to-day life. But an evening of Friday night drinks changes that when you find yourself trapped in the same bar with your co-workers and one love-struck Sebastian Aho who’s determined to make it known that you’re spoken for… well, tentatively that is.

word count: 6.2k

author's note: one month in the making and i'm not even convinced that this is of any quality. but if i don't put it out now, i never will. i'm going to do another proofread but don't worry, if there are going to be any edits, it'll just be fixing up typos / grammar.

tag list: @kashee-h

You won’t lie. You weren’t always the biggest believer in keeping your personal life and work life separate.

Despite the numerous warnings about how “your colleagues are not your friends”, you couldn’t help but merge the two words into a synonymous figure. By this point in your life, you could probably ballpark that half of your closest friends were acquired from the various roles you were appointed. You’ve always felt like you’ve lucked out in that department.

The moment when your luck seemed to wear out was at your very first grad role.

With a newly minted finance degree in one hand and just about $50,000 in the other, the bar wasn’t set particularly high in terms of quality for a grad role. So when you received the congratulatory phone call from human resources, you didn’t care about the questionably low pay or how weirdly vague your interviewers were about overtime practices, you were just happy to finally have something substantial splashed across your resume.

Your first month wasn’t anything to write home about. As expected, everyone was cordial, you were given grunt work, and you would routinely eat tune rice and veg for lunch - something that was weirdly unique to the corporate world.

Where the comfort flipped was the night that the firm hosted its annual Thank You Dinner. What was announced as a company event hosted by the executives to say thank you to its employees for their efforts was actually disguised as a night of debauchery at the expense of the firm’s bottom line - but you didn’t know that yet.

So when a passing comment about the Canes turns into a full-blown conversation piece at your table, your wine-induced lips couldn’t help but let something slip.

It’s not like you ran around advertising the fact that you were family friends with Seth Jarvis growing up. But hockey culture was thriving in Raleigh and moments where a mention of the Canes wasn’t thrown into the mix rarely occurred.

More often than not, you were happy to pass on any unused tickets that Seth had reserved in your name every year. Of course, generally, nobody questions where the tickets came from the first time around - free tickets are free tickets. But by the fourth round? Who would still believe that you just accidentally purchased lower-bowl seats not knowing you already had plans?

You would eventually let up that maybe you were better acquainted with the Canes than on just a last-name and number basis. And the reactions that followed usually panned out the same way. You’d receive looks that crossed between amazement and disbelief, followed by thirty minutes of inquisitioning, and then the excitement of the news would eventually fade before moving on to something salacious that had happened earlier that week.

But the news of your affiliation that night was volatile.

Suddenly, your tickets weren’t viewed as a generous offering but rather as a right. People in different departments whom you had never met started taking you out for lunches with a casual mention of how they hadn’t ever been to a live game; your boss expected you to give them up for the sake of appeasing potential clients; girls would invite you out with the hopes of them showing up to wherever you were.

You handed in your resignation six months later.

So when you signed your letter of offer for your new role, you made a silent promise to yourself to keep that portion of your life separate. So, you distanced yourself.

Seth had noticed. He had known that you would occasionally give up your tickets when you knew you weren’t able to make a game. But as more and more weeks had passed, he had maybe seen your seats filled twice: once by a few of your closest girlfriends and the other was when your parents had come to town for a long weekend.

Outings with him and the team became infrequent as you declined to attend any sort of public event that would bear the risk of you being caught out by your new colleagues. And when you were eventually questioned why, you simply excused that your new job had you locked down.

The second person to notice your increasing absence was Sebastian.

Since Seth’s rookie days, you had been, on more than several occasions, his plus one to team events. And over the years, you had gotten to know some of the younger members who were able to keep up with Seth’s redbull-fueled energy. That included Sebastian.

The first time you had actually properly spoken to him was at a Canes charity gala. Seth and KK had been swept into a conversation by a few board members, leaving you to quietly people-watch from your assigned seat.

****

“Refill?”

You turned to find Sebastian with an arm extended out; a glass of champagne delicately sat between his fingers. You returned a grateful smile as he sat down in Seth’s seat.

“You manage to avoid the noise fest?” you lightly poked, looking over at Seth where Andrei and Jack were now caught.

He let out a laugh and shook his head while looking down, “I’ve definitely done my fair share of the sucking up.”

“You didn’t feel like joining your boyfriend?”

You choked on your drink as soon as the assumption left his mouth. You couldn’t help but begin laughing as you coughed up a response, “Oh my god, no. Seth and I grew up together back home. Our parents were close friends.”

His cheeks flushed red at the revelation.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed because you’ve come to a few of these things with him before and you’re at our games a lot,” he tried to reason as he rubbed the back of his neck to ease the embarrassment.

You shook your head with the same amused donned across your face, “he’s really never mentioned that we grew together as kids?”

“I’m sure he’s mentioned it but it’s hard to catch everything he says. He talks… a lot.”

You couldn’t help but giggle at the blunt statement.

You had found it easy to talk to Sebastian. The conversation flowed seamlessly, from the standard questioning of each other’s jobs to the shared ache of missing home. Before you knew it, Seth had returned with a sheepish look on his face; apologetic for his disappearance but not missing the flash of disappointment across his teammate’s face when you said goodnight.

After that, the trajectory of your relationship with Sebastian had shifted into something more. Sure, you both became closer as friends, growing comfortable in the presence of one another. But as time went on you couldn’t help but feel like the line between you two would occasionally go hazy; blurring completely on a night out following a hard-fought win.

****

Every summer that comes around reminds you of how incomprehensible the energy can be in Raleigh.

The city came alive as holidayers passed through, the nights drew out longer, and the cool drinks were more than welcome from people who were looking to escape the heat. Which is how you found yourself sitting at a beer hall three blocks from your office in downtown Raleigh.

Unsurprisingly, the bar was packed on a Friday evening and you could only expect it to ramp up even more when your eyes fell on the sight of a band setting up stage for the night.

“Here, grab these first and I’ll bring over the rest.”

Maddy slides over 3 glasses to you and pulls out her card to start a tab for the table. You met Maddy on your first day when you were doing the round with HR. They had introduced her as your “office buddy”, to which Maddy later rolled her eyes at and reassured you that she wouldn’t be as micro-managing as they had made it out to be.

She took you to lunch and gave you her version of the onboarding special which basically involved giving you the run down of who you didn’t want to piss off if you ever wanted to be promoted.

It wasn’t long before you both became each other’s go-to person at work when things went to shit and sometimes the occasional debrief session at Thursday wines where she updated you about how her dating life was tracking.

You pull together the glasses and place them into a firm grasp between your hands before turning around to make a beeline for the table with Maddy trailing behind you. There are a few familiar faces from your team and some that you don’t think you’ve ever met before but you know that Maddy is a big fan of getting into the good graces of other departments.

Your phone screen lights up before you can even take a sip from the glass causing you to divert your attention.

Last weekend before we’re due back for pre-season training. Come out with us tonight? - Jarvy

You feel a pang of guilt with the sudden reminder that Seth just unintentionally gave you.

Your MIA-ness had begun a month before the playoffs started. Granted you still followed every game from the comfort of your home, but your continued in-person absence did not go unnoticed. Even more so after the 4-0 Conference Finals loss to the Panthers, where Sebastian wanted nothing more than to feel the comfort of your presence to ease the heartbreak.

Instead, he had to settle for an “I’m sorry.” text.

And in your defence, you had tried to see him when they returned home but the timing was never quite right as Sebastian took off for Finland a few weeks later as a last-minute guest for his cousin’s wedding.

You were able to catch Seth a handful of times before he also took flight: Winnipeg for home, Chicago for Lollapalooza, and Cabo with KK and Svech from the look of his Instagram stories.

He waved away your apologies and said he understood that you were flat out with work and that he hoped you weren’t working yourself too hard. All you could do was return a meek smile and be thankful that he didn’t press about it further.

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard, trying to rack your brain for an excuse that wouldn’t leave any room for further persuasion.

Sorry :( feeling too run down from the week. Next time though!

You take one more look at your phone as Seth sends you the ‘Boo, You Whore!’ gif from Mean Girls, causing you to crack a small smile.

“Better offer somewhere else?”

Your head snaps up and meets the eyes of one of the unfamiliar faces sitting across you.

“I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Charlie, I just joined the legal counsel,” he offers with a smile. And it’s a pretty damn good smile too.

You’re quickly swept up into a conversation with Charlie. You learn that he recently relocated from Boston, he has a labrador named Ollie, and that he’s heard of a fantastic restaurant down the road that he’s been “dying” to check out with someone. That last part is followed with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

He’s not bad-looking, you’ll give him that much. Maybe a year ago he would have been your type. But lately, you’ve seemed to turn away from the sharp jawlines and blue eyes, and instead look for softer and warmer features with maybe a small scar carved into the bottom of their lip...

Wait, what?

You shake the thought out of your head and instead focus back on Charlie’s current story: some embarrassing run-in with your boss, on his first day.

You’re shaking from laughter at this point, “No way! Did she say anything to you later on?”

Charlie grins as he places his head in his hands, “Yeah, it was such a shame job. When I got my first official meeting with her, it was-”

You watch him trail off as his eyes dart to look at you. No, not at you. Behind you?

“Well, well, well. Feeling better, eh?”

You recognize that shit-eating tone anywhere.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath. You turn around and find Seth smirking down at you like he’s found a deer in the headlights.

“Must have been a pretty quick recovery considering you were sick only two hours ago,” he derides, sliding into the empty spot next to you. You’ve only just realized that your whole table is now empty besides you and Charlie. A quick whip around tells you that they’ve all moved to the nearby pool tables.

“Seth,” you say calmly, “what are you doing here?”

“I told you. Last weekend before practice starts.”

“Yeah, but you don’t even like it here. I’ve literally heard you call it the worst bar in the world,” you argue back.

Seth’s about to open his mouth for some quick retaliation but Charlie beats him to it.

“You’re Seth Jarvis,” he says. The look he gives is nothing short of bewilderment as he puts together that Seth Jarvis knows you.

“Hey man, how you doing? Always nice to meet a fan,” Seth nods with an outstretched hand to Charlie.

Charlie slowly shakes his hand, still reeling in from the newfound piece of information he’s just learned. “Oh, well I’m from Boston so not exactly a fan of you.”

Seriously? Who even says something like that?

You refuse to meet Seth’s side eye in an attempt to dodge the embarrassment you feel from Charlie’s unwarranted dig. He’s unsure how to respond to the hostility but the moment of awkwardness is cleared by a second voice appearing.

“Jarvy, Burnsie found a table outside - let’s go...”

Your head snaps towards the voice and you find Sebastian looking right back. He’s taken aback and stumbles on his words for a second but recomposes himself just as quickly.

“Hey, where have you b-,” he begins to step forward but falters as his eyes properly assess the scene before him. You and Charlie. Together. Alone.

“Oh. Are you in the middle of something?” he hesitates, flickering between you and Charlie; unsure of what to make of the situation.

Your eyes widen slightly before clearing your throat, “Oh, um no. This is Charlie. He recently moved to our office from Boston.”

God, you feel so small right now. Here you were, seeing Sebastian for the first time in months and you can’t even muster up the courage to properly say hello.

“Well, we’re gonna go back to our table. Find us at some point, yeah?”

Seth gives Charlie a final cautious look before he pats Sebastian on the back, guiding them both to a table on the veranda.

The rest of your group comes flooding back to the table having witnessed the sight unfold from afar. If Charlie keeps his mouth shut, surely you can play it off as a lucky fan interaction?

“Holy shit! Do you know who they were? Tell me you do because I will seriously freak if you tell me you don’t know,” Maddy furiously whispers with wide eyes.

“I don’t know, Maddy. Seemed like she’s more than well-acquainted by the look on Aho’s face,” Charlie said dryly, bringing a bottle to his lips with a raised eyebrow.

You’re a bit taken aback by his insinuation.

“Um, Seth and I grew up together back home,” you slowly let out, “it was just a coincidence that we both ended up in Raleigh.”

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you’re friends with Seth Jarvis? Are you kidding me? You’ve only heard me talk about the Canes like a thousand times,” she gapes at you with an incredulous look.

Here we go.

The rest of your group wasn’t privy to your admission, being too caught up with the sight of the team being mere yards away from them.

“Look, I don’t know. I just don’t like using his name like that. It makes me feel gross.” you sigh, rubbing your arms.

“I’d just rather we drop it. Please?”

You shoot her a look to which Maddy softens; understanding that the topic has hit a bit of a sore spot for you.

“Okay yeah, of course. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”

The mass intrigue of the boys’ presence soon dies off as people slowly realize that they’re about as interesting to watch drinking as the next table is. Conversations resume back to normal and you try your best to feign interest but the knowledge that he’s the closest that you guys have been in months won’t leave you alone.

So twenty more minutes pass by and you’re ready to throw in the towel. You’ve decided that you’ll deal with the situation another day - preferably when you can string together a proper sentence. After a quick goodbye and the promise of a home-safe text to Maddy, you gather your things and start making headway for the exit.

The weakness in you can’t help but take one final look at Sebastian before you step out for the night but he’s beaten you to it. His eyes are already fixed on you with the same look you had become all too familiar with.

****

Saturday night. Seth’s Birthday. Shut-out win over Vegas. No game scheduled until Wednesday.

Individually, they’re considered lawfully good events. Combined? It’s as if someone was testing to see if Carolina even knew the definition of chaos. And when have they ever backed down from a challenge?

You let out a huff of air as you fall back into the booth. You had finally managed to escape Seth and Jesperi from the dance floor. If there was ever a case to be made about the negative long-term effects of Redbull, those two were it.

“Oh my god, how were you even out there for that long?”

Martin’s girlfriend, Nykki, opens up her arm and lets you lean in. Her leather jacket is a cool contrast to your warm and flushed body.

“Don’t let them take me again,” you whine as the ache in your feet comes flooding in. She giggles and affectionately pats your head.

Your eyes skim over the crowd, taking count of where everyone was. Brady, Kuzy and Martin by the bar. Andrei, Jack and Pyotr occupied with a group of girls. Seth and Jesperi still unabashedly dancing but now sporting a pair of shades that you had a sneaky suspicion they found on the floor. As if your eyes knew before your brain, they’re scanning the room again to find what’s missing.

“He stepped away to the bathroom.”

Your eyes tear away from the crowd and you sit yourself up, pulling the closest drink to your lips to avoid the direction Nykki is heading.

“He was watching you all night, you know? Didn’t listen to a damn thing I said,” she nudges with a knowing smirk. You didn’t think it was possible for your face to heat up anymore. Your continued silence doesn’t deter Nykki though as she decides that she will get you to admit something that you’re not even sure you’re ready to admit to yourself.

“Why are you both dancing around this? It’s obvious that he likes you. And maybe you won’t ever admit it to me but I can tell that you like him,” Nykki softens, acutely aware that Sebastian could return to the booth at any moment.

“Do you…” you hesitate, swirling the remnants of your drink in the glass. “Do you ever feel like you’re too exposed sometimes?”

She furrows her brows, “What do you mean?”

“There’s this thing that happens, and maybe it’s not often but it happens, where people expect things just because of who you know.

And if it’s true for just simply being friends with Seth, will it be worse if you’re involved with them?”

“A hockey player definitely wasn’t my first choice,” she says after a moment. “And maybe I wish I knew what it would have meant to be with him.”

“But,” she quickly recovers, watching your expression fall, “I wouldn’t change anything. It’s not about the world that he can offer me like everyone thinks it is. It’s how he always shows up for me, even when he’s 3000 miles away. It’s those private moments that are enough to make me forget the world is watching us.”

You catch the glowing adoration that’s etched into her face when she gazes across the room, watching her boyfriend laughing with Brady. You’re so wrapped up in ruminating over Nykki’s words that you almost don’t feel the way the cushion sinks next to you.

“Are you done with that?”

Sebastian’s voice grounds you back to reality. “Oh, I am but I’ll get another soon.”

Before you can stop him, he slides back out of the booth again and flags down a bartender. And Nykki doesn’t take a beat to do the same, “I think I’ll join the others,” sending you a small wink.

Sebastian slides back in setting down three glasses, two for you and one for him. “I thought you’d want some water too. Jarvy didn’t look like he was going to let you leave at any point,” he offers with a smile.

You let out a laugh and shake your head, “The trick is to run the second he turns his back. Trust me, works every time.”

“Did you have fun tonight?”

“Me? What about you? 3 assists and a goal? Surely that’s what we’re really celebrating tonight,” you whistle as you twirl the straw between your fingers.

You don’t miss the way he almost immediately shies up, turning away with the crack of a smile threatening to take over.

“I couldn’t have done it without the guys, they make all of it happen,” he notions.

You roll your eyes immediately, “I forget how well media-trained you guys are sometimes.”

“You should be able to enjoy your successes. It’s not about the other guys not being talented, it’s about being able to reflect on how far you’ve come. All of this is the culmination of your dedication, Sebastian. It’s important to remember that.”

The silence he returns suddenly fills you with regret. Did you say too much? Was it even your place to say anything at all? You need to backpeddle.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have -” you sigh, pushing away your drink.

“No,” he quickly cuts, “I guess I’ve just never thought about it like that. But it does feel good to hear it.”

“I like having you at our games” he smiles. “You know you’re part of my warm-up routine?”

“I am?”

“Yeah, I play this little game where I try to spell people’s names as fast as I can with the puck. I tried yours once and we won, so I did it the next night and we won again. Now I do it every game to put a little luck into the ice.”

Fuck. His confession renders you speechless. If there were any more doubts about your feelings for Sebastian, they were well and truly effaced now. And suddenly you gain a partial understanding of what Nykki meant. For every game, whether you’re there or not, Sebastian carves a part of you into it.

You swallow, giving yourself a moment to recollect. “I didn’t think that I was such a game changer,” you softly let out.

You’re not exactly sure when or how it happened but you notice the proximity between you two has significantly lessened. And the arm he has strewn behind you on the top cap suddenly feels misplaced - like they would feel more at home around you.

And for a brief moment - between the silence you’re both too afraid to break - his eyes break away from yours and flick towards your lips.

He inches closer, “You are… everything.”

Your breath hitches. Before you can even stop yourself, your hand rests against his neck, gently pulling him in and Sebastian is more than willing to follow. This is it.

“Guys! KK said his friend can get us into this new club!”

Your eyes close shut and your hand drops down Sebastian. An agitated sigh leaves him as he reluctantly pulls back. You both look at each other, still caught in the moment that’s now fleed at the sound of Seth’s voice.

Seth shakes Sebastian, forcing him to break away from your gaze.

“Did you hear me? KK’s calling us an Uber,” Seth bounces. Not a beat later, Nykki appears and attempts to forcefully pull him away. But it’s Seth. And of course, rightfully so, he wants two of his best friends to come with.

You quickly down the rest of your drink and step out of the booth, not wanting to bask in the awkwardness any longer. As you step outside, the chill of the wind grounds you back into reality, and you instinctively wrap your hands around your arms. In the peripheral of your vision, you see Nykki rush towards you.

“I’m so sorry. I tried to grab onto him but he just moved so quickly.”

You return a small smile, “It’s fine. Really.”

You link arms with her and she guides you to the Uber that Martin is standing by with the door open. As Nykki climbs in, you turn your head and find Sebastian watching.

He almost looks hopeful that you’ll follow him. That you’ll both leave the mess of the group behind and find solitude someplace else.

But you don’t.

Instead, you give a small shake of your head and follow Nykki, with Martin firmly closing the door behind you.

****

In the years you’ve watched Seth play in Raleigh, you’ve never once seen a game from the suite before.

But the Monday morning after your run-in with the group, you find yourself opening a calendar invite from your boss to the first home game of the season with a few key clients. So now, you’re perched by the glass, watching the spotlights dancing around the ice and the crowds of people getting settled in for the night.

“You know we’re meant to be chatting up the clients, right?”

Of course, Charlie managed to be invited too.

“I still haven’t been able to swing by that new restaurant I was telling you about. Could be fun to check it out afterwards,” he says, looking out towards the rink.

“Thanks, Charlie but I think I’m just going to head home the game’s done,” you respond dryly.

He cocks his head with a raised brow, “You know they organized a meet and greet after the game right? The whole reason why we’re here is because the CEO’s son is a huge fan.”

You don’t love the way your body freezes up at the newly shared information. You appreciated that your friendship with the team hadn’t made it past Maddy and Charlie’s lips, but you weren’t confident that would stay the same after tonight. And that’s the only thing that runs through your mind through all three periods. You can barely converse with the clients as you’re half-distracted by the get-away plan that you’re attempting to draw out in your mind, and it leaves your boss shooting you looks of “get your shit together”.

The horn sounds off as soon as the clock hits zero. It’s evident that you’re not getting out of this and the only prayer you have left is that the players who join you are the younger rookies who have little to no idea who you are. But you know the chances of that are slim to none.

You try to push away the anxiousness by listening to a conversation between your boss, Charlie, and the client.

“All I’m saying is that the reason Boston didn’t make it past the first round was because of how shit some of the calls were against them,” Charlie rambles, oblivious to the unimpressed faces.

The door of the suite swings open and you find Jordan, Brady, and Sebastian filing in. They’ve all clearly come straight from the showers, still dripping droplets of water from their hair onto the floor. They make their way around the room and shake everyone’s hands, thanking them for their support. Brady is the first to spot you as he gives you a surprised look followed by a welcoming smile. But he reads the panic in your eyes and - being classically perceptive - nods in understanding.

It doesn’t take another second to pass for Sebastian to register your appearance and amongst the earlier crowding, you’re only now able to fully take in the way he’s dressed. His compression shirt sculpts against him, with the soft lines of his muscles pressing against the fabric. Shorts barely hanging loose against his thighs. A backwards cap sported to tie it all off. It’s enough to make you want to break your silent promise.

Your eyes can’t help but fixate on him the entire time they circulate with everyone in the room. And while Sebastian tries his damn hardest to remain polite and focus on the conversation at hand, he can’t help but flicker his eyes towards you, making sure you won’t disappear on him again.

“Thank you so much for your time. We won’t keep you guys any longer, but best of luck with the season ahead. Bring one home for us, hey?” your boss beams. Everyone else has headed home, leaving just you and Charlie waiting for your boss to let you go.

“Goodnight guys. I’ll see you Monday.”

And with that, it’s just the five of you left in the suite with a few people on the Hurricanes team off to the side.

“Well, we better get going if we want to make it to that restaurant,” Charlie says turning towards you.

Sebastian tenses at this and you see the way Jordan and Brady shoot each other a look.

“I said I’m going home, Charlie.” You’re shutting this down.

“I’ll give you a lift then,” he presses.

Before you can open your mouth to counteract, Sebastian interjects, “You’re not far off from my place, I’ll take you.”

“Yes, please!”

You’d be embarrassed with how quick you are to jump at his offer if it weren’t for the fact that you so desperately wanted to avoid being confined in a car with Charlie.

“Thanks bro, but we’ve got it from here.”

“Actually, I don’t think you do, bro.”

Charlie looks between you two. Growing annoyed at the situation, he grabs his coat and retreats out of the suit. “Whatever. See you Monday.”

A sigh leaves your lips and you don’t realize how taut your body is until it eases under the feeling of Sebastian's hand on your shoulder.

“You guys all good if we take off?” Brady asks, expectedly. Sebastian nods and you all bid goodnight.

“I just have to grab my things but if you’re tired I can just come back for them tomorrow,” he offers, as Brady and Jordan make their way out.

You shake your head, “I can hold on, you’re doing me the favour.”

It doesn’t take long to get back to the locker room, and you can’t help but think about how good he looks when he emerges with his hockey bag hung over one shoulder and a garment bag thrown over the other.

As you lean against the passenger door, waiting for him to throw his things into the boot, you can’t help but start to grow nervous at the realisation that Sebastian may want to talk about that night. But your nervousness is cut short by Sebastian moving in front of you with a small disc in his hand.

A puck.

He looks down at it, fiddling with it between his hands, “It’s from the warm-up. I thought you might like it.”

It’s the puck.

Your mouth falls open slightly, as you gingerly take it, as if you’re afraid it’ll break if you handle it too hard.

“I can’t believe you still do that,” you breathe, turning it over, feeling the ridges where the ice has chipped the edges.

“Of course I do. It changes the game.”

Your eyes dart up at his choice of words - he remembers.

“Why did you stop seeing us?” he puts forward.

You sigh and lean back against the car, turning your head away.

“Was it because of that night at Jarvy’s birthday? Did you not want to…” he trails off. Even he’s not sure what that night was meant to be.

“This world that you’re in Sebastian, I just don’t know if it’s for me.”

“I know that we’re away a lot but I-”

“It’s not that,” you quickly cut off. He returns a confused look and you know, as his eyes search you for an answer, that you owe him this explanation.

“Before you came back to the table, I was talking to Nykki about how difficult it can get to be involved with a hockey player.”

“But you’re already involved with us? You were friends with Seth already” he presses.

“And look where it got me last time. I was forced to leave a job after six months because all anyone cared about was being closer to the Canes than me,” you lamented.

“I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling like I’m second to the person I’m with; I want to feel equal to them. I want to know who is genuinely trying to be my friend. I want to exist outside of my relationship. I don’t want to have to hide in public because I’m scared to run into people from work.”

You close your eyes, feeling exhausted by the flood of words leaving your mouth, and you half-expect Sebastian to get into his car and drive off.

“I didn’t know.”

You nod in understanding. How could you expect him to know?

“I would never put you in a position where you wouldn’t feel safe,” he says softly.

“But if that’s what you really want, we can move on from everything. But I need you to know how I feel first.” His hand wraps around the side of your jaw and pulls your gaze towards him.

“I wanted to know you the moment Seth pointed you out our game for the first time. And then we spoke at the charity gala and I only wanted to know you even more. And then you were around us more, and I got to know you beyond just being Seth’s friend. And what I know I know is that you’re smarter than you let on but you’re still kind. You’ve remained so grounded that you see me as more than just this job. You make me think more deeply than I ever have with anyone else and I don’t want to go back to a life before I had that.”

You don’t know whether to cry or charge forward. Because after the endless rounds of almosts and what-ifs, you’ve finally caught each other. And the confessions that pour from his mouth left you knowing one thing for certain: you had both waited long enough.

And for the second time, you bring his neck down and finally close the gap between the two of you. Sebastian presses you against the car with his hand wrapping up to rest on the back of your neck, his lips deepening against yours. You never doubted it but his arms feel secure around you, afraid to let go and let the moment be over.

But you pull away just long enough to let out a murmur, “Take me home, Sebastian”

****

Six gruelling months pass by and you find yourself at a potential playoff-clinching game with your colleagues.

Granted your relationship with Sebastian was still very much under wraps, but you had learned to navigate your feelings of discomfort towards the publicity of his job. Sebastian had accommodated your cautiousness. Careful to never spend too long in your section during a pre-game warm up. Made sure to drive around the quiet side of the arena to pick you up afterwards. He had never pushed you to do more than you needed to.

But even though he’d never tell you, you know he’s quietly envious of the way the guys can openly skate with their partner at family skates. Or how they can sit and openly touch at company events. He had afforded you comfort at the expense of his wants. You wanted him to have more than this. And more importantly, you wanted to show him that you wanted more.

So when the buzzer sounds off and the Canes skate away with another return to the Stanely Cup Playoffs, you can’t help but let go of the discontentment you have about being found out. So before you even know it, you find yourself moving towards the ice where Sebastian is wrapping up his post-game interview, ignoring the calls of Maddy asking where you’re going.

And when you reach the board that separates you and your boyfriend, he doesn’t hesitate to skate over, collecting a puck from the equipment manager on the way.

“Always nice to meet a fan,” he winks, offering his pre-game puck.

You grin, pulling him forward by his jersey, “I appreciate it but I’ve gotta tell you that I’ve got a boyfriend.”

His eyes melt at the sound of your public announcement and he catches your lips against his, “I love you so damn much.”

#jo writes #nhl fic #nhl imagine #sebastian aho fic #sebastian aho imagine #carolina hurricanes fic #carolina hurricanes imagine #sebastian aho x reader #nhl writing #sebastian aho fanfiction #sebastian aho fics #sebastian aho imagines #nhl fics #nhl imagines

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thanakite · 1 day

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When Miorine decides to enact her plan to protect Suletta by getting her away from her mom and Ariel she really made the error of basing that decision on Suletta's answers to hypothetical questions

Like, Suletta isn't dumb but she is someone who seems to struggle with hypotheticals, because she is an anxious person

If you had asked her before coming to to Asticassia if she'd be willing to battle other people in mobile suits in order to gain power, prestige, and other things she wanted she likely would have scrambled to say no, but when actually faced with the situation she dived into it feet first because it meant protecting someone else, even though they'd just met

Asking her if she'd listen to her mom if her mom asked her to kill someone? Well, in Suletta's mind that would only happen if her mom had a really good reason, and to her that means that taking the time to question her on it would be dangerous and likely unhelpful, so OF COURSE she'd listen to her mom if she asked her to kill someone, because she still believes her mom is a good person and truly believes that she'd have a good reason if she asked that of her, on the other hand, even if her mom had instructed her to do what Prospera ended up doing herself at Quinnharbor, and got her to tentatively agree to it, when faced with the reality, Suletta wouldn't have actually gone through with it because she would have immediately been worried about innocents getting hurt or even just would have been more worried about Miorine

When Miorine asked Suletta if she'd be willing to give up Ariel if she asked her to, neither she nor Suletta appear to realize that despite the way Suletta answered this, she'd already been taking that risk this whole time. Every time Suletta dueled she essentially did if for Miorine and every time she risked loosing Ariel or of course Ariel getting damaged servely enough that repairing her would be difficult, and yet she always took that risk for Miorine's sake, without really even thinking about it

Yeah, if you asked her outright, she'd struggle to say she'd give up Ariel, because she always considered Ariel family, and when put as a hypothetical she doesn't think that Miorine has a good reason, because the way it's asked of her sounds like, "If I asked you to get rid of your family for no reason would you do it?" Which of course someone like Suletta would immediately reject, but if faced with it in reality or even given more information in the hypothetical (Like if she had said, "If I had a really good reason, but couldn't fully explain it to you, would you give up Ariel, if I asked?" instead) Suletta either would have struggled greatly with saying no, or she'd end up making a different decision, because while Suletta loves Ariel, she also cares deeply for the new people in her life too

Suletta is a person of action, and would struggle with most hypotheticals unless specifically phrased, and even when phrased right her answer still might not reflect how she reacts in the moment, so for Miorine to decide to basically cut ties with her over her answers to very generalized hypotheticals, is definitely a misstep on her part that leads to much more suffering for both of them

#miorine rembran #suletta mercury #sulemio #suletta x miorine #witch from mercury

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vinestaffery · 2 days

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On pleasing demand, I am here once more to deliver more angst. Since I love it so much and so does everyone else. some bits are written from medkit's and broker's point of view at the start, but it will slowly shift to yours!! enjoy!!!

cw/tw: character death, signs of potential abuse/neglect(?), mentions of injury from another proceed with caution and care!

Scythe wasn't taking anything okay anymore, and she's gotten rougher around Medkit and Broker.

Broker would struggle handling her tempers at points where he didn't know what to do.

Medkit suggested taking a break for Scythe.

Good grief. It was a bad take and ended up bad for Medkit.

Thrown out because he suggested it, it ended up with him now staying with Sword more than with the other three.

Broker ended up leaving himself and staying with Zuka for a bit before finding a proper area to take shelter in.

Scythe was becoming more... explosive, dangerous

She was taken out of the gang! Matches a few times because she had nearly harmed Boombox to the point of recognition.

"I'm too tired to fight anymore,"

"Broker."

"We can't do anything to help her, look at her!"

"You wouldn't understand how it's like to have someone walk out on you,"

"But it just… I just can't handle it. She's gotten more worse and we are sitting here and watching."

Broker and Medkit would have long talks with eachother at nights

Their worried, really worried

Your not there anymore to help support Scythe anymore

So what's the point?

You were the light in her world, and you walked out on it.

When Vine Staff told you about the serious injury she had gotten from Scythe

You panicked.

Was she actively looking for you?

Was she trying to harm people you loved and cherished?

Vine Staff reassured you it was nothing like that at all

Infact, it was because she was upset that you had disappeared

"Dearie, you know how much Scythe appreciates you, maybe you should try approach her this time?"

You were surprised!! To see her again?

"Are you joking?"

"[…]…"

"There is barely a person in her anymore, Vine Staff."

You were deny any chances of seeing her again, but it wasn't too long till Medkit was invited over.

God was he relieved to see you

It ended up being more of a nicer talk with him rather than a forceful one

Turns out he found it understanding and that it was okay for you to leave for your own sake

But leaving out of nowhere was a no-go, specifically for Scythe

"It wasn't suppose to go this far."

"You know how she is, especially with news such as that,"

When Vine Staff had come home that one day, with a large wound, you really wished it didn't go this far to hurting a companion

"I'm too tired of this,"

"So am I, just like how I am with Subspace's worthless attempts at capturing me and taking out 'revenge,' but we can't have everything we want."

His blunt attitude always felt like home.

"She can't keep doing this, she just can't."

"Then come home, and then maybe this all can end."

You took that hope, even though you were at your wits end.

The rough sound of sizzling coming from the home was pushed over with clashing. The tension in the air was palpable as you made your way back to the source of the conflict.

The smell of burnt food wafted through the air, adding to the chaos of the situation. You knew you had to intervene before things escalated further. As you entered the kitchen, you saw the source of the conflict - a pot left unattended on the stove, billowing smoke.

"Scythe?" You called out, hoping to get their attention before the situation got any worse. The sound of footsteps approaching indicated that they had heard you, giving you a sense of relief that the situation might be resolved before any real damage was done.

"What." Scythe turned to face you, their expression a mix of annoyance and surprise. "I just got distracted; I didn't mean for this to happen," they explained, gesturing towards the smoking pot. You could see the tension in their shoulders ease as you reassured them that everything was under control.

It had looked like she had completely forgotten who you were; did she not find your presence familiar? The sound of her tail-shaker sensed an obvious threat and danger towards you. She spat with venom in her words. Her hostility grew ever more.

"Scythe, it's me," you muttered. But she continued to glare at you, suspicion evident in her eyes. It was clear that something had changed in her demeanor towards you, and you couldn't help but wonder what had caused it.

"What do you want? I thought you wanted to never see me again." Her words cut deep, leaving you feeling bewildered and hurt. The distance between you seemed to grow wider with each passing moment. You looked away in disdain.

"What? You just going to stand 'der like a lost puppy?" There was nothing familiar about this Scythe at all. She was cold—not the kind-hearted woman you used to know before. You realized that the warmth and familiarity you once shared with her had vanished. She was replaced by a sense of hostility and indifference. It was a painful realization that left you feeling lost and alone in her presence. "Scythe? What happened to you?" Your words were hard for her to comprehend. Scythe's eyes hardened, a flicker of recognition passing through them before being replaced by a steely resolve. "I've changed," She said it simply, her voice devoid of emotion. It was clear that the person you once knew was gone, replaced by someone unrecognizable and distant.

"I've changed, and I'm not even sure who I am anymore. Broker left; Medkit left. Everyone left." She placed a cold cup of alcohol down. Taking a deep breath, you tried to find the right words to reach the person who seemed like a stranger now. But as you looked into her eyes, you realized that this was a battle she was fighting alone, and all you could do was stand by and watch.

You sat next to her on the dusty bar stool. Feeling helpless, you silently offered your support, knowing that sometimes all someone needs is a listening ear. The silence between you spoke volumes as you both navigated the uncharted territory of change and loss together. "We've both changed."

"I harmed you; I broke your promise, Angel Eyes. I broke everything." Her tone spoke of long, restless nights. "We can't change the past, but we can move forward together," you whispered softly, reaching out to hold her hand. "I forgive you, and I'm here for you now." The weight of her burdens seemed to lift slightly as she squeezed your hand in return, a glimmer of hope shining in her tear-filled eyes.

"Ya, promise? Angel Eyes?" Scythe gleamed.

"Promise, Scythe. I'll never leave your side," you vowed, feeling a sense of peace settle between you both. The bond of trust and understanding between you spoke volumes as you both navigated the uncharted territory of change and loss together.

But that was only nights ago. Scythe stared at her bloodied blade as she let out somber tears. The weight of her burdens seemed to return, heavier than before; she had killed you. All because you had decided to protect the flower demon that you considered family. Something she wished you considered her.

"Angel Eyes, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, my angel eyes." Scythe's voice trembled as she whispered your name, regret and sorrow evident in her every word. The bond you once shared is now shattered, leaving only heartache and a painful realization of irreversible consequences.

RUNS AWAAYYYY

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jessicaloons · 2 days

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Chapter 43:

What if your eyes looked up and met mine, one more time?

Masterlist - Previous - Next

"Is it true? Is Sainz senior talking with the team about a seat for Carlos?" I blurted out as soon as I walked into our hospitality, where Felix was talking to John, our head engineer.

"Come with me." he said and lead me to his office.

"He‘s available next season. My contract only runs 'till the end of this season! Valtteri’s until next… so which seat are we talking about?"

Felix ran his hand through his hair, sighing, and my stomach clenched.

"There is not a certain seat in their mind… but yes, there are talks, his father is putting the Audi board under enormous pressure." Felix confirmed.

"We both know for whose seat he’s coming." I said bitterly.

"I think so… he’s out of Ferrari at the end of this season… your contract runs out this season?"

"Does the board want to replace me with him?" I asked, although I was afraid of the answer "I know I didn’t deliver the best results last season, but I still thought we’d continue…"

"No! No, Lizzie! As long as I’m team principal, you’re my driver! I say it how it is, I want you to extend your contract with us. For at least another two years. Our first season together was brilliant. Last season was okay, but it was more on our side than on yours, I have no doubt that this season will be better and I want you to stay with us."

"Yeah but if the board doesn’t want that? If the board is rooting for Sainz?" I said defeated but Felix shook his head.

"If they kick you out for him? After the horrific amount of money he cost us last season? After he endangered you? No. If Sainz is coming, I’m going. And I won’t be the only one…"

"Are you crazy? You can’t do that!" I looked at him shocked but he smiled at me.

"We started this project together, little one, and if we have to, then we‘ll finish it on a high together and that’s final." he smiled and I had to swallow hard, blinking away the tears.

"Okay…" I said quietly and Felix hugged me.

"We all believe in you. You and Valtteri are our drivers! And just because the father of another driver thinks he can tell us what to do? No. Not on my watch."

"Thank you Felix, really." I whispered and he patted my back.

"Not for that. But you know what that means?" Felix asked and I nodded "We have a lot of work to do then…"

"Let’s kick this season off the best way possible!"

P5. Decent. Not too good. But also not too bad. We could work with that. I was happy. But I knew Charles wasn’t. Having this big of an issue in the first race of the season? After being the one driver Ferrari wanted to keep and build a future with? After all the criticism that Ferrari might’ve kept the wrong driver? After his teammate made it onto to podium and he didn’t. I knew he would’ve been devastated, so I waited at the employee parking lot, looking at the gate. When Charles walked out my heart clenched. His head down, shoulders slumped, RayBans hiding his eyes.

"Hey…" I cupped his cheek, making him look at me.

"Let’s just go, please." he sighed and I nodded, unlocking the car.

I started the engine and drove off the parking lot, speeded past the awaiting fans on the main parking lot.

"I already can see the headlines tomorrow… they got rid of the wrong driver…" Charles gritted out after a while and I groaned.

"It’s the first race of the season for fucks sake! You had problems with your brakes and still made it onto P4…" I began.

"No one cares about my brakes! Carlos was on the podium! In a car that was supposed to be harder for him to drive! He made up one position! I lost two! That’s what people will care about!" he interrupted me.

"Since when do we care what fucking other people think and say? First race of the season, Charles! 23 more to go. Stop this nonsense!"

"This year is our year my ass…" Charles grumbled after a while and I rolled my eyes.

"I was honestly hoping that you didn’t win…" I said and he looked at me, taking his RayBans off.

"What?" he sounded hurt.

"Bahrain curse…" I began and he groaned.

"Are you kidding me? I don’t believe in curses!" he said, looking out the window "Besides, Max won Bahrain last year and still won the title…"

"Yeah but he’s Max… no curse out there can stop him… not Bahrain. Not Monza. He’s immune against any curse out there… you on the other hand…"

"Well thanks for believing in me…" he whispered and I grabbed his thigh.

"I believe in you. More than anyone else. That’s why I know that the only one who can stop Max is you. And other than you I believe that this year is your year… YOURS. Not Sainz…" I said and he sighed.

"We’ll see."

"We will and you’ll see that I’m right!"

The media day in Saudi Arabia was the worst and I could see the tension in Charles shoulders, his strained smile. I tried to calm him down as much as I could but when we left the paddock at the evening the exhaustion of the day was still visible.

"How about we let off some steam?" I asked when we arrived at the hotel.

"Yes! I need that." Charles sighed.

"Paddle?"

"You know me all too well…" he chuckled as we got out of the car.

Twenty minutes later we sat down our bags on the bench and stretched a little.

"You know what’s the worst?" Charles said, taking the ball "It was the first race of the season and it already started like this…"

"Come on, it’s better than last year!"

"Maybe, but it’s not good enough… I need to get it out of my head." he shrugged.

"Okay, you listen to me now, Leclerc… you said it yourself, first race of the season. Your brakes were shit. With your car, you shouldn’t even be able to finish the race but you did. In P fucking 4. Get that in your head, okay?" I groaned but he only shook his head and got into position.

"More playing. Less talking." he said and threw the ball up in the air.

It took a while until we both found our rhythm but as soon as we both got it the battles were relentless. I hit the ball as hard as I could, unreachable for Charles, another win for me. The second for tonight.

"Do you like being tortured?" I asked out of breath, lifting my shirt to wipe away the sweat off my forehead.

"You should know the answer to that… I just extended my contract with Ferrari. For multiple years." he chuckled bitterly and took a sip out of his water bottle.

"Ouch?" I laughed putting the paddle down, grabbing his bottle to take a few sips myself.

"Now come one. I want a return match." he took the bottle out of my hand and threw it on his bag "Let’s go!"

"Oh come on… aren’t you exhausted?" I groaned but he shook his head.

"One last match…" he pleaded.

"You just want to make it a draw… you can’t lose…" I smirked and he rolled his eyes.

"Then make me lose… come on…" he was ready for my move and I laughed.

"Alright… let’s settle this."

Thirty minutes later we stood under the hot shower, washing the day away.

"We could’ve let off some steam in a different way…" Charles whispered, kissing up my neck, pulling me closer, my back flush against his chest.

"Yeah? How?" I replied, biting my lips as his hands wandered over my hips, down to my thighs.

"I don’t know… you. Me. Our bed…" he mumbled, littering my shoulder with hot kisses "Or you. Me. The shower…" he whispered in my ear, his hot breath fanning over my skin making me shudder.

His hand slipped between my thighs and I let out a breathy moan, pressing my heat against his hand.

"Shower sounds good!" I breathed out, feeling him press against my back.

"Yeah? I think so too…" Charles hand explored my heat and I moaned, leaning back into him right as he spun me around, pressing my back into the cold tiled wall. His lips crashed down on mine, sealing our mouths shut with an eager kiss full of lust and need. I threw my arms around his neck, my hands carding through his hair, pulling him closer, while our tongues fought for dominance, me on the losing side. But this was a battle I loved to lose.

"There is still some tension in my back… I swear we’re working now for months at it but it’s not getting better!" I groaned and JK stood behind me, putting pressure on my lower back.

"Honestly, it shouldn’t be like this Lizzie… not after the intense training and exercises we made specifically for your back…" he said and I hissed in pain when he applied some pressure on my spine at a certain angle.

"Maybe I have to work out even more. Need to strengthen my spine, my core more?" I gritted out but I heard him sigh.

"Yeah maybe, but honestly? I’d like you to see a doctor, when we’re back in Europe…"

"Oh come on! It’s a little sore back! It will be good in no time!" I smiled at him and bent down, stretching said sore back before I took the resistance band JK held out for me.

"I’m not saying anything else, I just want to make sure! I don’t want to see you out of the car like Sainz today…" he said.

"What do you mean? He’s not racing? He’s out? Like completely?" I leaned back, pulling at the resistance band and JK nodded.

"Bearman will drive his car today and tomorrow."

"Ollie? Are you kidding me?" I stopped, looking up.

"Nope." JK put the band away and grabbed the tennis balls "Come on, focus now."

"He will only have FP3? Damn!" I mumbled, catching the tennis ball.

"I mean, it won’t be easy…"

"Definitely not, but Ollie is a damn good driver, I’m sure he will be able to adapt fast!"

"That’s what I said as well…" Charles hugged me from behind, kissing my cheek.

"Hey! Go away! You’re trying to distract my driver!" Felix joked when he walked by.

"Oh, don’t worry Felix, nothing can distract me, not even this handsome little fella…" I laughed and Charles pinched my side.

"Who are you calling little?" he whispered in my ear.

"Oh come on love birds! Get a room." JK laughed.

"Nope." Charles spun me around and kissed me.

"What’s gotten into you?" I breathed against his lips, feeling the heat rising up my face.

"I just love you? Can’t I show that?" he pouted, looking adorably.

"Yeah but not like in public. Not like that?" I whispered and he sighed.

"Cara mia, no one cares? Why do you?" Charles cupped my cheeks and I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don’t know…" I replied and he pecked my lips.

"Exactly, there is no reason for that. So let me give you one last kiss and then I’ll see you on track." he kissed me gently and I melted into his body "Bye gorgeous girl…"

I looked after him, the sweltering heat of Saudi Arabia burning me up.

"Earth to Lizzie?" JK threw a ball at me and I blinked, rubbing my arm "We’re not done yet."

"Huh?" I looked at him confused and he threw the next ball, this time I caught it though.

"Good reaction… now come on!"

I climbed out of the car when an F1 official walked up to me.

"Lizzie, you’re P3." he smiled and I took off my helmet and balaclava.

"What do you mean?" I was confused.

"Checo got a 5 second penalty, so you’re in P3!"

"Are you kidding me?" I laughed when someone engulfed me from behind.

"First podium of the season, let’s fucking go!" Danny Ric chanted and I squealed a little "Let me take you to your man!"

"Put me down you doofus!" I chuckled but Daniel carried me all the way to the top 3 cars.

"And here we have our third place, Lizzie Doetterer! Lizzie, congrats! P3. First podium of the season. How was the race for you?" Crofty asked and I took the microphone that someone held out to me.

"Umm right now, I’m a little speechless to be honest. We had a good weekend? I mean yeah it could’ve been better in terms of the quali pace, but in the race we were there and yeah now I’m in P3." I answered, smiling at him and waving at the crowd, some Germany flags in the sea of people.

"Well, you were close to Checo the whole race, switching positions every other week, last lap then and it seemed he pushed you wide?"

"We battled hard and then in turn 7 or 8 he might’ve turned a little into me and I had to go wide, but I didn’t think it would result in a penalty." I said honestly.

"Yeah, we didn’t hear you complain on the radio?" Crofty looked at me and I nodded.

"Because I honestly didn’t think it was that bad? Yeah sure, I had to leave the track but I don’t know… I mean I’m happy, I take it. But yeah… it’s like that." I shrugged a little.

"It sure is. Thank you Lizzie! Enjoy your podium!" Crofty nodded and I handed the guy next to him the microphone, jumping into Charles awaiting arms.

"First podium of the season, cara mia." he kissed my cheek and I smiled.

"Same for you! Well done!"

I wanted to say something when we were ushered away, into the cool down room and then onto the podium.

When we were finally done with the media, the press conference long over as well as our team meetings we drove back to our hotel.

"See! Today was a good day! Overall you had an amazing weekend! You just need to believe in yourself. Today P3 and in 2 weeks then P1!" I smiled at him and he took my hand in his, kissing the back of it.

"For me it would be enough to be in front of Carlos…" he sighed and I nodded.

"You will be. I believe in you!"

I sighed and put the phone down, right when it rang again.

"Hi Julie."

"So I guess Netflix called already…" she asked.

"Yeah. They want to film a little private stuff, then they want to be in Australia, Miami, Monaco and they also want to come to Hockenheim, my home race is something they definitely want to film."

"Lizzie, I say it how it is, they wanted to release the show last summer. They postponed it to fall, then to winter. We need to deliver now, you need to deliver now. Or they will release what they have but take away your right of review… just let them film you. Let them come home, maybe how you prepare for a race weekend or something, just give them something… and then let’s move forward." she sighed and I nodded.

"I know, I’ll think about what they could film here and yeah… we’ll see. Let them come to Australia, Miami, Monaco and Hockenheim. The rest I’ll deal with." I replied.

"Alright, I leave you to it. See you in Australia."

"Yup, see you in Australia." I hung up and plopped back down into the pillows, groaning. I switched the TV on and decided shuffled through Netflix until I found what I’ve been looking for. I pressed play and watched a very special episode of DTS.

"There he is… the worst actor the world has seen." I laughed when Charles walked through the door, sitting up.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused and I nodded towards the TV.

" 'Yeah, maybe that was a little bit over-the-top' … I wasn’t aware I was watching an episode of Keeping up with Ferrari…"

"Oh shut it…" Charles rolled his eyes, plopping down next to me "They told me to say it, what was I supposed to do?"

"Is DTS now a scripted show or what?" I said, pressing play again.

"Don’t watch that, please! It’s so cringe…" he sighed and I chuckled.

"Cringe? That’s way above cringe! I can’t believe they made you do this…"

"Me neither but it’s like t-…" he stopped abruptly, smiling sheepishly.

"No it’s like this at home!" I slapped his side and he laughed.

"That’s why I stopped!"

"Good!" I kissed his cheek and snuggled into him "Now let me finish this episode."

"God no…" he groaned but I laughed.

"Just kidding… what do you want to watch?" I asked him and he leaned down, pecking my lips.

"Nothing on the TV…" he wiggled his eyebrows and I laughed.

"I like that…"

"Yeah? Me too…" he got up and pulled me with him down into the kitchen, where he pushed me slightly against the island, grabbing my thighs "Up, pretty girl."

"Not again on there… it was cold and so not comfy!" I grumbled but he just laughed.

"Oh cara mia, you’re a naughty girl? What do you think what I’m about to do?"

"I don’t know… I just thought-…" I began but he interrupted me, putting his finger on my lips.

"Shhh… just trust me…" he grinned and I swallowed hard.

I knew that smirk. All too well. He grabbed my thighs again and I jumped a little, sitting down on the island.

"I trust you, just not that little devil inside of you." I chuckled and he pulled something out of his pocket.

"Close your eyes for me." The grin only getting bigger "Come on."

I closed my eyes and as soon as they were closed I felt how Charles put something over my eyes. Covering them.

"A blindfold? Charles! I told you, not on here!" I pouted, but he pecked my lips, chuckling.

"Don't be so impatient!" he walked away and I heard him rummaging through the drawers "Alright..." he stood in front of me and I felt his hot breath ghosting over my lips "Be a good girl and open that pretty, little mouth of yours for me."

"What? I swear if you start now some kinky shit I'm go-..." I began but he pushed a cold spoon into my mouth, cutting me off. A rich flavour of vanilla engulfed my taste buds, and I swallowed the spoonful of ice cream down.

"And?" Charles asked and I licked my lips.

"Vanilla ice cream?" I said hesitantly.

"Was it good?" he sounded excited and I was confused "You look adorable when you're confused. But come on, did you like it?"

"It's vanilla ice cream? It tastes good. Rich." I said and he kissed my sticky lips.

"Here..." he put a glass against my lips and I drank a sip of water "Open up again!"

The next spoon was chocolate ice cream, silky, chocolatey with the right amount of sweetness and some chocolate chips for some extra crunch. As soon as I swallowed down Charles pecked my lips again.

"And?"

"Very silky. The right amount of sweetness and chocolaty..." I replied before I felt the glass against my lips and I took another sip.

"Open up..." he said as the next spoon was fed to me.

Peanut ice cream. Caramel sauce and something crunchy.

"That's good! I love the peanut flavour! And the caramel sauce and the crispy bits? I love it! But Charles..." I began when he pecked my lips yet again before the glass returned and the next spoon full of ice-cold goodness engulfed my taste buds.

"Salted caramel? And chocolate chips?" I licked my lips before Charles pressed his again against mine.

"Yeah, you like it?" he asked, and I nodded slightly, drinking some water "Alright, next one..."

I opened my mouth and the moment I had the first taste of the spoonful of ice creamed I moaned a little.

"Mhhh Pistachi-ohhhh my god that's good! More!" I said and he chuckled.

"Why did I know that... here." another spoonful of the creamy and delicious ice cream wandered into my mouth "Okay stop making these noises, or it is the kitchen island 2.0!" he lifted the blindfold, and I blinked a few times "Hey pretty girl."

He smiled at me, brushing my hair out of my face when I looked down on the countertop, where he put a white container down. Right next to 4 other similar looking containers.

"Why did you feed me ice cream blindfolded? And why did you feed me ice cream, blindfolded in the middle of the season? I want to eat that whole container of the pistachio and peanut one! Unfair!" I pouted a little and he laughed.

"Go ahead." He held up another spoon of the pistachio ice cream and I groaned "Come on, I know you want it!"

"Of course I want it! It's pistachi-ohhhh..." he shoved the spoon in my mouth, cutting me off "Damn that's good."

"It gets even better... that whole tub? Less then 400 calories." Charles said proudly and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah sure. That creamy and rich ice cream? Less then 400 calories the whole tub? You mean one spoon maybe." I sighed but he scooped up another spoonful.

"Nope. This is Lec ice cream. My own brand, I've been working the past few months on it and it's finally ready. I only need to find names and decide what designs and it's good to go. Each tub has less than 400 calories."

"Are you kidding me? When-... how-... what? When did you do that? And why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh stop pouting! I wanted to surprise you! I know how much you love a good ice cream but we have to resist this craving because of our job! So I wanted to create an ice cream we can enjoy without the guilt!" he cupped my cheeks and I smiled.

"This creamy, rich flavour for this little calories? Seriously? I mean… why resist?" I laughed, scooping up another dollop of the pistachio ice cream, indulging in the flavour.

Charles laughed and kissed me, nipping at my lower lip.

"Mhh... why resist? Sounds like a good slogan... now you just need to help me name them! Although I already have an idea for the pistachio ice cream."

"Yeah? What is it?" I looked at him excitedly.

"Pistachi-OH! the OH in capital letters with an exclamation mark! Because whenever I see a tub of that ice cream I will think of the look on your face, the little sound you made when you tasted it for the very first time."

"Swirly Pistachi-OH! Sounds even better!" I said and he nodded "And you should call the vanilla ice cream vanillalove or something, because its your favourite!" I grabbed the container and fed Charles a big scoop of the vanilla ice cream.

"Vanillove. Even shorter." he smiled.

"Sounds good. The peanut and caramel one? It was almost like the different flavours were dancing on my tongue... Peanut Caramel Tango!" I suggested and Charles nodded.

"Chocolate crunch. Nothing fancy. Just straight what it is?"

"Perfect. And now the salted caramel one." I said and tried the ice dream again.

"Salty carmel- carmamel-... why is this word so difficult?" he groaned and I laughed "Salty caram-mmel!"

"That's it! Salty carammmel with at least 3 m's!"

"Salty carammmel? So everyone knows that I can't speak English properly?" now Charles was the one pouting.

"It's cute! Vanillove. Peanut Caramel Tango. Chocolate Crunch. Salty Carammmel and Swirly Pistachi-OH! The 5 flavours of Lec ice cream. Less than 400 calories per tub. But still tasty as fuck." I concluded and he kissed me, his lips tasting like Vanillove.

"Because, why resist?"

„Nicholas said everything is prepared. We'll start the Instagram account nect Tuesday. And the lauch of the ice cream in Milan will be on the 11" Charles said as he opened the hotel door.

"Already? You guys are fast." I plopped down on the sofa, leaning back

"Not we, Nicolas, Guido and Federico are fast." he chuckled and handed me a cold water out of the fridge, right when my phone rang.

"Ewww that's Elijah... I kinda regret agreeing to Netflix." I groaned and silenced my phone "I know it was a good idea at first... but with everything that happened? He asked me if I would consider talking about the whole Diaz incident... after last year there were so many rumours and he asked me if I wanted to clear things up."

"Just let him film a little bit of our weekend and they'll be happy. I know its tough and you don't want it anymore, but jus think about all the interviews they had? Your whole team, Lewis, Seb, Fred, Toto, his wife, Max, some of the most well-known F1 journalists... it's so amazing what they all have to say about you! How they support you! And then seeing how hard you train? But also see where you come from. That it wasn't as easy as anyone said it was? It will be great! Let them film Hockenheim and then they have enough. They can release their show. It will be great. Everyone is happy. Focus on that, okay? And if you don't want to talk about Diaz? Then don't...

I've seen the rumours, and believe me, I want to say a few words myself, but it's not my place." Charles sat down and I leaned against him.

"I know, I know... right now there is already enough going on with the Sainz dilemma... people still talk about it and now he's after my seat as well... and then Susie asking me to be a little more present in the F1 Academy and I really want to, I told her last year that she can count on my support but here I am, not even doing a single thing for it..."

"Because you're a F1 driver! Lizzie, Susie understands that you would be more present if it would be possible, okay? Just stop for a moment to think about what everyone else wants from you and focus what you want, okay?" Charles squeezed my shoulder and l sighed

"Food. I want food. And a shower. Then a nice little walk at the beach, soaking in the sun and then focus on the weekend ahead."

"Let's take a shower, then head down to the beach and have a nice little treat." He kissed my nose and then got up, pulling me with him "Come on. Today is for us. Tomorrow we think about the rest. One step at the time."

"I should still call Elijah..." I grabbed my phone but Charles took it out of my hand.

"Today is for us. Tomorrow we'll figure out the rest. Can you, for once, listen to me?" he chuckled and I nodded "Good. Thank you. Now come on."

I walked out of the press conference back to the Audi hospitality when a little crowd close to the hospitality caught my attention.

"So it’s true, that you’re talking to the Audi board about a seat for Carlos for next season?" a reporter whose back was turned to me, asked and I stopped dead in my tracks

"I’m convinced that Carlos can bring the team to the next level. They lack a bit of consistency, Valtteri is doing a good job in providing feedback about the car, Carlos could bring some of his consistency and experience to the team. He’s fast. Faster than his teammate over a long course of the last season. I have a good relationship with the Audi board and of course they know how good Carlos is." Sainz Senior smiled into the cameras.

"In theory it sounds all good, but Audi still has two drivers. You’re talking about Valtteri and Carlos. So Lizzie Doetterer would lose her seat to Carlos?"

"Look, I’m not saying she’s not a good driver. But it’s her third season now and she didn’t convince me as the big talent everyone said she is… maybe she can find a seat in the F1 Academy. But I don’t see a future in F1 for her. She also lacks of discipline, I guess you all know what I’m referring to, she’s too emotional, too impulsive. That are not good characteristics for a F1 driver." he smirked, looking directly at me and the reporter followed his look spotting me. Will Buxton.

"Lizzie, do you want to join us?" he asked and I swallowed hard.

"No, thanks. I’m good Will. Seems like Señor Sainz has a lot to say." I grit out and walked away, my heart hammering against my ribs.

"Lizzie, we have some-… what happened?" Julie looked at me and I felt how my mouth went dry. Words leaving me. "Lizzie?" she pushed me down into an armchair, handing me a glass of water and I gulped it down in one go.

"Sainz… he talks to the media…" I pressed out and she patted my arm.

"No one here wants Sainz in our team Lizzie! I hope you know that?" she tried to calm me down.

"What does it matter? If the board says he’s your new driver, you can’t change it…" I said, leaning back "I have to do the talking on track. I need to be better than him."

"And you will be. You show him what you’re made of! Kick his ass!" Julie fired me up and I nodded.

"I’m not backing down that easily. He wants my seat? Then he has to come and pry it out of my dead fingers grasp." I said determined and Julie chuckled.

"Dark, but I like the fighter mentality."

"He will regret ever talking bullshit about me."

"Hell yeah!"

Sainz wasn’t backing down that easily as well. He was ruining my laps at all times, he was always in front, being clever enough to not fully impede me, but at least disturb me that much that I had to abort my laps or had to go wide which costed time. It all peaked in qualifying when Sainz drove in front of me to warm his tyres on his out lap. Too slow for my liking especially considering that I had a real shot at starting on pole tomorrow.

"Charles, Norris, Max all on their flying lap. Max currently P1. Sainz P2. You P4." Pete radioed.

"Last chance now?"

"Last chance."

"Sainz is so fucking slow!"

"Copy."

"He’s in my way!" I was frustrated, seeing Sainz warming his tyres in front of me, not intending going faster at any given moment. Fuck it. I accelerated and pushed the throttle full through, overtaking him, right as I passed him, he accelerated as well leaving me behind him.

"Is he fucking serious?" I was seething, but I had no time to be too pissed, I had to give it one last shot.

"Abort your lap Lizzie."

"What? Why?"

"Your tyres are overheated. You probably wont even make it over the line… come back to the pits. That’s currently P4. Charles P5. Only Norris behind who could snatch away P4."

"Okay…"

I sat in the car. Taking a few deep breaths before I climbed out. Disappointed when I saw Norris lap time on the screen. P5 tomorrow. All because of Sainz.

"I’m sorry, Lizzie." Pete patted my back and I only shook my head.

"No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have overtaken him. I ruined my tyres…" I said quietly, putting my helmet away, taking the bottle from JK "He did his best to fuck up my laps and he succeeded."

"Calm down a bit and then go to the interviews." Felix said, as he came up to us and I nodded, walking in the back.

He got in my head. First his father. Now he himself. I threw my helmet on the table and sat down, head in my hands. Right when I had to be on top of my game, I caved in.

"Lizzie?" Julie asked carefully and I sat up, wiping my face "Do you want to wait for a little while or just go now?"

"Let’s get it over with."

"Li-... woah..." Charles let out when I pulled him into the corner and ducked down "What are we doing?" he whispered but I shushed him.

"Elijah... I need a moment for myself. I feel like the only time there isn't a camera in my face is when I have to go to the bathroom or at night... they even were there when I talked to Susie yesterday." | rolled my eyes.

"So you're hiding now how long exactly? Until the race?"

"No idiot. Until the anthem... we'll go and come back and then they have to back off anyways." | whispered and Charles chuckled.

"Okay, I'll hide with you." He kissed my cheek "You could've found a nicer hiding spot tho... just saying."

"You'll survive..."

We waited until it was time for the anthems and I successfully dodged Elijah and his camera crew and when it was time for me to get into the car he just sighed and retreated. I checked my radio and everything and waited for the go from Pete, preparing for the formation lap.

"Radio check."

"Loud and clear. Let's go, Lizzie."

When I stopped the car in my grid spot I focused on the lights. Taking a deep breath and accelerating as the last light got out. At the start I was overtaking Norris right in the first corner and pushed hard to create a little gap. He gave up chasing me, and I focused already on Perez in front. The next two laps I got closer and closer and finally managed to overtake him, right when the yellow flag was waved.

"Watch out. Max is having trouble. You'll pass him at the next turn." Pete radioed.

"Pass him?" I asked right when Max appeared in front of me not fighting me at all.

"We believe he will be retiring his car."

Lap 4 and Max was out. Only Sainz in front of me and Charles, who had overtaken Perez in the meantime.

"Gap Sainz?"

"4.3 seconds."

Damn. The Ferraris were fast. And Charles was coming closer and closer.

"Charles is really fast." I radioed when I had to let him overtake me, he had too much pace and the way he was chasing me wasn’t good for my tyres.

"He is. 0.5 faster." Pete replied and I sighed.

Ferrari build a fast car this season. Too fast for us for now.

"Sainz?" I asked, curious on his pace.

"0.1 slower."

So it would only be a short matter of time until Charles would knock on Sainz door. Ferrari would swap the cars to let Charles take over the lead, not just in the race, also in the drivers ranking. It was Sainz I would have to battle against for P2.

"Manage your tyres for now. Battling Sainz will cost you…"

"I know."

The gap to Charles got bigger and bigger for the next laps and I knew I had to be quicker to be in a good position. But then I got closer to Charles again and I checked my steering wheel.

"Am I pushing too hard or is Charles getting slower?"

"He was asked to hold position."

"What? Can you repeat that?"

I must’ve heard Pete wrong.

"Charles was asked to hold position. Manage his tyres. Not attacking."

"You’re kidding?"

"Lizzie…"

"No fucking way, why would they do that?" I couldn’t believe my ears. Why would they want Charles to hold positions? He was fast. Faster than Sainz?

"Focus on your race."

Race 3 and it already started again like last season.

"And that’s P3. Good race Lizzie." Pete said and I sighed.

"Thanks guys. Good job from everyone!" I said.

"Sainz P1. Charles P2. Norris P4. Oscar P5…."

"Ferrari doing Ferrari things…"

"Lizzie!" Pete said.

"What? He can’t win a race on his own. He needs his teammate to secure his position." the words were out before I could even react. Oh well. Here we go again.

"Off the radio. Now!" Pete reprimanded, but in his voice I could hear that he thought exactly the same.

"Just stating the truth."

"You’re exhausting." he chuckled.

"I love you too."

I parked my car and got out, hugging Charles. He only shook his head and then pushed me towards my team and I celebrated our second podium of the season, although I still didn’t understand why Ferrari didn’t let Charles overtake Sainz. After the interviews it was time for the obligated photo and I stood next to Charles, Sainz on his right.

"No you have to stand on the right." the FIA photographer said and I rolled my eyes.

"Just take the damn picture." I grumbled. Standing next to Sainz, a gap between us.

"Come on, be the better person." Charles said in French when we walked off towards the cool down room but I shook my head.

"I’ll start being the better person when your team starts making better calls." I replied loudly. In English. In front of said team while the camera was panned on me.

"Cara mia…" Charles sighed but I just shrugged my shoulders walking inside. I wiped my face. Almost emptying a bottle when Sainz walked in, followed by Charles. Again he only shook his head slightly and I sighed, sitting down. There was silence in the room. Only the race highlights that were played in the background could be heard. On the podium I only sprayed Charles a little before I left, not waiting for the picture. I felt Charles gaze on me but I didn’t care.

"Alright. Lizzie, you’re next. Your thoughts?" Clarkson looked at me and I picked up the microphone.

"Good race." was all I said and then I put the microphone down again.

"Maybe a little more detailed?"

"We had a good weekend. Our pit stops weren’t the best, unfortunately for Valtteri, but overall we were good."

"Okay. We open up the floor for some questions…"

"Mike Harris. CBS Sports. Question for Lizzie. You said on the radio that 'He can’t win a race on his own. He needs his teammate to secure his position'. Care to elaborate?"

"What’s there to elaborate? It’s pretty self-explanatory. I said what I said." I answered tight lipped, feeling the gaze of Charles and also Sainz on me.

"Mila Janic. motorsport.com. Carlos, after hearing what Lizzie has said, what do you think about her words?"

"Some people have their emotions clearly better in check than others and so some drivers let out their opinions on the radio and complain. She has her opinion, I have mine. I know which one is right." Sainz answered and I had to fake a cough to cover up my snorting.

"There’s a difference between an opinion and facts." I whispered under my breath.

"What did you say?" Sainz looked at me and I looked up "I didn’t understand it? But you said something."

"I just said that there’s a difference between an opinion and facts." I shrugged my shoulders, looking at him. He was mad, but I didn’t care. Not anymore.

"Alright, do we have another question?" Clarkson said quickly and I put the microphone down again.

"Herbert Stein, BLICK. Charles, what is your opinion on what Lizzie said? You’re the teammate she’s talking about? Do you think you deserved the win today?"

"I’m not commenting on what Lizzie said because I understand where she’s coming from. As for if I deserved the win, no, I didn’t. Carlos was overall better this weekend. I have to push to be better the next." Charles answered and I had to roll my eyes.

"You don’t agree with Charles?" the reporter asked me and Charles looked at me.

I contemplated whether to answer or not.

"No, I don’t agree."

"Why?"

"It doesn’t matter who’s better the whole weekend. The race is what matters. Points are earned in the race. So it doesn’t matter if you were the best the whole weekend, if you don’t deliver on Sunday, you won’t make points. Also the other way around. So no, I think when one driver is faster, has more pace and especially when he would be taking the lead in the championship, I’d say I let this driver give it a go and not tell him to hold position. If he’s not faster then, you can still swap back, but just telling the driver off, for no apparent reason? Yeah no." I answered and there was a murmur going around.

"Alright, thank you everyone. That’s it for today, see you all in Suzuka."

I jumped up and walked back, Julie already waiting for me. The way she looked at me, I knew she wasn’t happy with what I said.

"I told you I won’t lie. Never. When they ask something, I answer honestly." I said and she sighed shaking her head.

"Yeah yeah whatever, let’s go."

"Lizzie! Wait." I heard Charles behind me "Julie, can you give us a moment? Thanks." he grabbed my hand and pulled me with him.

"I’m not apologising and I’m not backing down or stop-…" I began but he silenced me with a kiss.

"I love you." he whispered against my lips and then pulled me with him, following Julie "Here she’s yours again. I’ll pick you up later on." he kissed my cheek, then winked at Julie and walked off.

"Almost two years together and you still blush like on day one." she chuckled and I looked away, my face getting only hotter.

"Let’s go." I just said and we walked back in silence.

Charles POV:

"Charles?" I heard Lizzie walking up the stairs.

"Marianne, I’ll call you later. Lizzie just came home. Au revoir." I hung up right als Lizzie walked around the corner "Hi pretty girl."

"As if…" she snorted, plopping down next to me, taking a deep breath "I swear, I don’t even feel my legs anymore. JK was torturing me today..."

"Oh, my poor girl, you want a massage?" I asked her and she mumbled something inaudible.

"I'm taking a shower first and then I want that massage." she kissed my cheek and then got up, sauntering off when the doorbell rang "It's Joris."

"Alright, you go showering I'll see what he's up to." I followed her downstairs and heard the bedroom door close, wandering off into the kitchen.

"Lizzie? Charles?" Joris called out and I opened the fridge.

"Kitchen." I shouted and a moment later he put a big box on the kitchen island "Is that..." I made big eyes, looking at the box.

"Yeah. They called that it's ready so I said I'll pick it up." Joris replied and I nodded slowly.

"I cant believe it... 10 years already.." I breathed out and he took the water that I handed him.

"You know, he would be so proud of you, would he be here? Seeing how far you've made it?"

"How far I've made it? Some race wins, a vice championship and a ton of mistakes... that's how far I've made it..." I huffed.

"Charles..." Joris began but I shook my head.

"I know, I know." I said and he sighed "Now come on. Show it to me..."

"Alright." he opened the box, pulling the helmet in its bag out and sat it down on the counter, then put the box on the floor and undid the string of the bag "Ready?"

I nodded and Joris pulled the helmet out. It was beautiful. The perfect tribute. I was at a loss of words for a moment and picked the helmet up, looked over the details.

"They did an amazing job. It's perfect." I whispered and he nodded.

"It really is..." he replied, and I sat the helmet down "Are you okay?"

"Yeah... it's just a little overwhelming.." I sat down on a stool, eyes still on the helmet "I want to win this race. For him."

"I'm sure you'll do you your best to honour him!" Joris patted my back "And now I have to leave you, you're little secret with Marianne needs some more preparations."

"Thanks Jo, really." I got up and hugged him "See you tomorrow."

I was so lost in my thoughts that I flinched when Lizzie caressed my cheek gently.

"Hey you." she whispered, sitting down next to me, taking my hand, interlacing our fingers "What's going on in there." she kissed my temple gently.

"It's 10 years this year..." I whispered, nodding to the helmet.

"Its beautiful. Jules would be so proud of you. The man you've become, the driver..." she said quietly and I pulled her into my lap, holding her close.

"I just wish that by now he could be proud of me because I had won a title..." I breathed into the crook of her neck, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and conditioner.

"Charles... it wasn't that you weren't made to be a champion, it was more that you're team wasn't... but this year will be your year. I just know it. I know it didn't start the way you wanted it to. And I also know that with the way your team is handling you and Sainz at the moment it doesn't look like it's going to happen, but I have faith in you. I believe in you. In your abilities. This year is your year. I can feel it... and it will start in Japan. Where you will show everyone why Ferrari kept you. You will wear that helmet and you will honour Jules. You'll continue his legacy." she said softly but determined.

"I'll try my best."

"I know you will. You always do."

"God I love you…" I whispered and she giggled.

"I love you too. And now I want my massage!"

"Charles? We will film some C2 challenges today..." Sylvia said and I rolled my eyes.

"Is that really necessary?" l asked and she glared at me.

"I don't care whatever your problem is all of a sudden with Carlos, but here at Ferrari we are a unit. One family. And he is part of the family until the end of the year, so yes, it's necessary." her voice like venom.

"All of a sudden..." I chuckled bitterly and she cocked an eyebrow, right as Carlos walked in.

"Carlos, here, sit down. We have 3 challenges planned..." Sylvia began but I didn't listen.

I hardly participated and by the end of the second challenge she seemingly had enough

"Charles! Can you at least try to look like you're happy to be here?"

"I'm not a good actor..." I just shrugged and she sighed.

"This is for the sake of Ferrari! Can't you just swallow down whatever it is that gives you this attitude?"

"Nope. That's too much to swallow... Ferrari needs us to be good drivers. They need us to win races. Nothing more."

"Yeah? Then do your part!" she spat out and I looked at her "Win races."

She slammed her clipboard on the table, making everyone flinch, then stormed off and I sighed. Drama queen. The rest of the team looked at each other and then decided to leave and look for Sylvia, leaving only Carlos and me alone in the room.

"You could at least pretend like its all fun and games for the cameras..." Carlos said and looked at me.

"What?"

"It's our last year, we should end it on a high. Together. For the sake of Ferrari." He said and I laughed.

"Are you serious? After everything you pulled over the last season?" I asked and he rolled his eyes.

"Look. I don't care about who you're dating. But it shouldn't interfere with your job.

You're a Ferrari driver. Ferrari is important. Not Audi."

"Oh yeah? Audi is only important if they have a seat for you, no?"

"I don't care for next season. I care for this season. So, get your shit together. And do your job. Which is winning races... something you haven't done for a while... me on the other hand..." he got up and walked towards the door "2 wins in the last 11 races..."

"Singapore wasn't your win." my voice was trembling.

"See? That's what I mean. It was a Ferrari win... that should be your main priority. But no. it's because of your little girlfriend crashing out you're still sour an-..."

"And why was she crashing out?" I interrupted him, almost shouting.

"It was a racing accident, she could've backed down, but didn't so she crashed out... it wasn't even a bad crash, nothing happened..." he left and as soon as the door shut close, I slammed my fist on the table. Nothing happened. Nothing happened? I had to win this race. I had to wipe the grin out of his face. Winning was now more than essential. Not just for Jules. But also for Lizzie. I took a deep breath, calming myself down and then got up, searching for Mia, who didn't look too happy when I spotted her.

"I know, I know... I'll apologise to Sylvia later."

"Thank you. And now come. The media pen is waiting." she replied and I sighed.

"I can't wait."

"You're less grumpy when Lizzie is there as well." Mia chuckled and I pushed her a little

"It's cute so shut it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." I rolled my eyes playfully and followed her to the first interview, watching the press conference on the screen behind the reporter. Lizzie was chatting with Logan and Oscar, Pierre next to her was joking around with Carlos. His words still in the back of my mind. He sat there. Joking with Pierre, they even took a selfie together. He was talking about the seat in Audi next season like it was already his. I saw how tense Lizzie was, the unsettled look on her face. And as soon as I was done with my interviews, I wanted to pick Lizzie up, reassure her, but I saw Logan and Oscar leaving, then Pierre and Carlos, still talking eagerly, but no Lizzie, she must've left immediately when they were done. I saw how Pierre looked my way and walked off, I had to find Lizzie.

"Charles! Charles? Mate!" Pierre almost shouted but I kept walking "Hey! Didn’t you hear me?" he put his hand on my shoulder, making me stop "Charles?"

"Where’s your new bestie?" I spat out and he made big eyes. I didn’t want to sound this agitated. But the smirk on Carlos look when he talked about the seat in Audi. Lizzie’s seat. What he said earlier. It was all too much.

"What do you mean?" he looked at me confused.

"Didn’t know you and Sainz were this close… laughing together, making jokes, hanging out together, taking selfies…" I said coldly.

"Are you serious? Mate, he’s just a buddy we’re racing with? Come one?" Pierre asked taken aback.

"No. He’s not. He’s not just a buddy we’re racing with! And you know it! He’s… he did things… no. He’s no buddy of mine. Not since…" I began but he rolled his eyes.

"Yes. Singapore was fucked up. He knows it. He even said that after reviewing the videos he knows he was a little too aggressive! It’s water under the bridge! That’s racing, Charles. You know it. Lizzie knows it and also she’s fine. She’s alive and well. You should draw a line and let it got…" Pierre sighed.

"Let it go? Let it go? You have no idea what he did… you no. You don’t know. You know nothing. Just let it-… no fuck this." I was getting beyond mad. The look on Lizzie’s face in the hospital bed in my mind. Her tears. Broken voice. How she sat on the sofa earlier. All tense. I balled my hands into fists.

"Charles? Come on mate. The season is still long, you shouldn’t hold a grudge over nothing."

Nothing? Again that word.

"Fuck you, Gasly." I spat out, walking away.

"Oh hell no, what the fuck is your problem?" he grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

"LIZZIE LOST OUR BABY THAT NIGHT!" I full on screamed. Shocked about the words myself.

Pierre dropped his hand off my arm and looked at me with wide eyes.

"Because of your racing buddies little too aggressive stunt Lizzie lost our baby. That’s what the fuck my problem is… so no. It’s not nothing. It’s not water under the bridge. Because of him I had to hold my girlfriend in my arms, trembling, crying, blaming herself for something that was entirely his fault."

"Charles…" Pierre began, voice almost a whisper.

"No. I don’t want to hear it. I thought we were your friends. Lizzie and I. Just… forget it." I walked away, leaving Pierre behind, not looking back once. Around the next corner I leaned against the wall, taking a deep breath and wiping away the stray tears that had escaped. Focus. I had to find Lizzie.

"He’s a slimy, stupid, hairy, idiot." she punched into the pads on JKs hands and I had to chuckle "He wants my seat? My seat? The fuck he gets my seat. I’m going to destroy him."

"That’s my girl." I said, and she flinched a little "I thought I had to look after you, because you might be down or something… oh how wrong I was."

"Down? Because of that hairy Neanderthal? Fuck no. I’m furious and I want to see him in my mirrors whenever I cross the finish line from now on."

I hugged her and felt immediately relieved. Calm.

"We’ll start this Sunday." I said and she nodded determined.

The practices all went by in a fast blur. But when I prepared for my final attempt of setting the fastest time in Q3 a sense of calm washed over me. I blocked everything else out. Just focused on the task at hand. My car. The track. I took a deep breath and send it. Nothing else in my mind besides the sheer will to start the race tomorrow from the best position possible.

The lap felt like an eternity but also just a short moment at the same time when I crossed the finish line.

"And that's P1. You've done it! Good job!" Xavi said and I began to cheer.

"YEEEEEEES! Come on now! Let's go!" I shouted in the radio. I did it. Pole position "Where's Lizzie?"

"P2 Verstappen. P3 Lizzie. P4 Sainz..." he replied and I cheered even louder.

"Awesome job, Lizzie!" I screamed and I didn't give a single fuck how people would react over the fact that I was cheering on Lizzie, rather than Carlos.

When I parked my car at the P1 spot and got out I waited for Lizzie, hugging her tight as soon as she was out of her car.

"What a lap, mate!" Max said next to us, patting my back and I let out a relieved laugh.

"I'm just glad it all came together and worked out in the end." I said and he hugged Lizzie.

After a short celebration with the team, I took a big swig out of my bottle when I was waved over for the interview wit Martin.

"Now that's a podium I would sign." Martin Brundle said and I nodded "That last lap of yours looked spectacular. We know you're one of the best qualifiers on the grid, almost always flawless. But that today? Wow!"

"Thank you! I honestly just had a tunnel vision the whole lap. My mind was trained on nothing else. I think I was never this focused."

"The Ferrari's do have a lot of pace this season? They are closer to the Red Bulls then they would like, it seems?"

"We have a lot of pace, that's true, but the Red Bulls are still ahead of us." I replied and he nodded.

"Do you think a win is possible?"

"I will try my best."

"Tell us Charles, how does it feel starting this race from pole position, 10 years after that fatal accident of Jules, who you honour with your helmet this weekend." Martin asked and I swallowed hard

"It means a lot. I honestly don't even have the right words for it. But it's special. Now I just have to win tomorrow to make him proud." I said, feeling Lizzie's look on me. I turned a little and she smiled reassuringly at me.

"I'm sure he would be proud anyway." Martin patted my back and I smiled, walking towards Lizzie who hugged me again.

"He's right, it doesn't matter if you win or not, Jules would be proud anyway, just like your dad..." she whispered in my ear and I kissed the side of her head

"Thanks for always reminding me."

I stood next to my car. Looked up in the sky, closing my eyes. Took one last deep breath. I could do it. I had to do it. I felt a warm hand on my arm and looked down. Lizzie.

"Show everyone who you are today, mon cœur. Show them that you are one of the best. If not the best. I believe in you. We all do." she hugged me close, kissing my cheek "I love you, my winner." before I could say anything she sauntered away and I felt my cheek prickling.

"Charles?" Andrea said and I turned a little, a big smile on his face he handed me my balaclava and the my helmet "You’ll win this today." he patted my arm and I nodded, climbing into my car.

After the radio check, the formation lap, I closed my eyes for a moment. It was now or never. Lights out. Full focus. Full throttle. Nothing else mattered anymore. Just me. My car. The track. It was a tough start. I had to battle hard with Max and unfortunately lost. But I stayed at his rear. Attacked all the time, waited for my chance and finally, I overtook him and pushed the throttle harder than ever before. Like in a tunnel I raced through the corners. Only focus point the top step of the podium.

"Last lap, Charles. Bring it home." Xavi radioed and I pushed with everything that I had. The last few metres felt like the longest ride, I could feel Max at my rear wing at all times. But I kept the throttle fully pushed through. My leg began to cramp. My hands trembling. And then I saw it. The checkered flag.

"You’ve done it! That’s P1!" Xavi in my ear but I ignored him for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"This one’s for you, Jules!" I said, feeling the tears soaking my balaclava.

It was like slow motion, the cool down lap, parking the car, taking a moment before I got out. On shaky legs I stood next to the car. Feeling the emotions overcoming me. I kneeled down. Patted the sticker for Jules on my car, taking a deep breath, when I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned a little to see Lizzie standing next to me, the light of one of the headlights illuminating her. Her eyes sparkling. Her most beautiful smile adorning her gorgeous face.

"You did it Charles. For Jules. He’s so proud of you." I heard her faint voice as she was pulling me up into her arms "You proved them all wrong. I’m so proud of you. So, so proud."

"I won…" I mumbled and heard her soft giggling.

"You did. You won." she pulled away, kissing my helmet and gently pushed me toward my team "Go. Celebrate. This is your moment."

I nodded slightly and when I walked to my team I saw Pierre, looking at me, tapping his feet as if he was contemplating what to do. Lizzie nudged his shoulder and he pulled her in a tight hug out of nowhere and she just shook her head, wiping what looked like a tear from his cheek before she pushed him towards me. I turned my back on him for a moment, celebrated with my team, all smiling and chanting. Then I turned back around and Pierre stood in front of me.

"I’m sorry. I had no idea… I swear would I know what happened… I would never-…" he began, his voice trembling. Lizzie behind him nodded at me and I sighed, pulling Pierre into a hug "I’m so, so sorry!"

"It’s okay… you didn’t know and it wasn’t okay from me to react like this…" I said, hearing his sigh of relief.

"No you had all rights! I can’t believe what happened…"

"We’re good. Lizzie is good. But I’ll never forget what he did…" I said and Pierre nodded.

"No. No you shouldn’t…" we went silent for a moment, but then he patted my back "You won. Suzuka. Jules would be so freaking proud of you."

"Yeah… I hope so."

"Go. Celebrate. You deserve it." he pushed me towards Lizzie again and then walked off.

The next moments felt amazing. During the interviews, the podium, Lizzie was smiling at me the whole time. I felt almost invincible when I lifted the trophy up into the sky. On top of the world. And when we walked down the stairs from the podium, trophy in hand, it all overwhelmed me.

"Hey? Come with me…" Lizzie whispered pulling me away from it all "Take a deep breath for me."

I slowly did, closing my eyes for a moment. Feeling my eyes tear up.

"It’s okay. Let it all out."

"I won." I whispered and she smiled, nodding.

"You won." she replied pulling me into her arms "You did it. You drove brilliantly today. You won against Max…"

"I can’t believe it, I swear…"

"I can. I never had any doubt. This year is your year. My world champion to be." she kissed my cheek and pulled away slowly "I know that this year, you’re going to win the title."

"I hope you’re right."

"I am. I believe in it."

The euphoria of the win in Japan carried me over the next days. It was hectic, simulator work in Maranello, marketing shoots for LEC and then finally the launch party for LEC, where everyone from friends to family showed up to support me.

"And as much as I’m a huge vanilla ice cream lover, the Swirly Pistachi-OH! grew on me, as it’s Lizzie’s favourite." I answered one of the many questions, smiling at Lizzie, who talked with Nicholas.

"How did you come up with the names?"

"Lizzie and I named them. It was a very fun process. She also chose the designs with me. I had this whole idea because of her in the first place. When we were in Maranello last season, we were on a run with our coaches and then we saw some kids eating huge ice cream bowls and Lizzie, and me as well, were a little jealous that they could eat ice cream at any time and as much as they want while we… well we can’t. And born was the idea of LEC."

"Thank you Charles. Enjoy the rest of the night."

And we sure did. After the launch we threw a little after party, which was also a surprise birthday party for Joris who was smiling like crazy.

"To Joris, best friend, assistant and personal photographer you could wish for!" I raised my glass and everyone else did the same.

"To Joris!" Lizzie hugged him, kissing his cheek "Thank you for always dealing with not just Charles craziness but also mine."

"Oh stop." Joris blushed a little but Lizzie shook her head.

"No. Without you we would’ve been a lot of times in real trouble." she chuckled and I nodded, agreeing.

"Yeah, on so many occasions you were our voice of reason." I added and he laughed.

"Then let me be your voice of reason today as well… we should call it a day… or rather a night. Your flight is tomorrow quite early." Joris said and Lizzie laughed.

"See!"

We left shortly after, because Joris was right, our flight to China was quiet early on Sunday morning and since it was quite a long time since we raced in Shanghai, we should be fit and well rested. So when it was time to board the plane we felt fresh and ready for our journey ahead.

"What are you thinking?" I asked Lizzie a few hours into our flight, when she looked up from her notebook.

"I never raced in China… I’m a little nervous to be honest." she whispered and I pulled her to my side.

"Let’s do the track walk together and I tell you everything I can remember about the track, how does that sound?" I suggested and she smiled at me.

"Sounds good…" she still sounded worried and I kissed her temple.

"Don’t worry, okay? It will be fine. You’ll manage to adapt, like always." I reassured her and she nodded slowly, looking out of the window.

I knew how nervous she was, how the articles about her future or rather Carlos future at Audi were nagging at her, although she tried to hide it. Didn’t want to show how it all was affecting her. But I could see it. The next days she was tense, the questions about her future were taking their toll on her and it showed in her performance on Friday.

"P14… 14!" Lizzie was pacing back and forth, shoulders tense, head hung low "How am I supposed to make it into the points from there?"

"It’s just the sprint. You’ll be better in the quali tomorrow." I calmed her down but she shook her head.

"Charles, I can’t make any mistakes! I can’t be this bad. The Audi board will monitor every little mistake that I make. I have to make as many points as possible."

I got up from the bed and grabbed her by the waist, pulling her close.

"You didn’t make a mistake! Lance was impeding you. There was nothing you could do!" I put my forehead on her’s and she took a deep breath.

"Yeah but I still need the points…" she sighed and I nodded, making her head move with mine.

"You will make up some positions, okay? And on the real race on Sunday you’ll show what you’ve got, okay?" I kissed her forehead and she nodded slowly.

"Okay…"

"Good. And now, let’s eat and then go to bed."

"Okay…" she said again and I still saw the doubt in her eyes. How unsure she was.

And by the end of Saturday, nothing really changed.

"I don’t know how you kept your cool against Sainz today." she said, cracking her knuckles looking exhausted.

"I mean, what could I have done, you know?" I said and she nodded slightly.

"I want to go home. I swear I hate this track…" she leaned back, closing her eyes.

"It’s okay. You’ll do fine in the race tomorrow! P8 isn’t that bad! You can still make it into the top 5!" I threw my arm around her shoulder, pulling her into my side "Heads up, okay?"

"I don’t know. I feel like our car is just not working around here…" Lizzie groaned and I kissed the side of her head.

"Tomorrow will be a better day. You’ll see. You’ll do good. I’ll do good. It will be fine."

"I hope you’re right."

I got out of my car, shaking my head in disappointment but also a churning in my stomach. A weekend to forget. For me and Lizzie. I congratulated Max, Lando and Checo and went quickly to my weighing. I took my receipt and made my way to the Audi garage.

"She’s not here." Felix said when he saw me approaching and I looked at him "She’s in her room and she’s…"

"How is she?" I asked.

"She’s okay. All clear. Apart from that? Mad? Frustrated? Sad? Furious?"

"Okay… I just saw the replay on the screens… didn’t look too good."

"It looked worse than it was. She said it herself." he replied and I nodded.

"I’m sorry, Felix. Lizzie looked strong out there."

"What do you guys like to say? It’s like this?" he shrugged his shoulders and I chuckled a little.

"Yeah. When you see her, tell her I’ll pick her up after my debrief."

"Sure."

I waved my goodbyes and went to our garage. Trying to be as calm as possible. Another race weekend, another Carlos shit show. Fred patted my back nodding towards Mia and I smiled at her, thanking my mechanics on my way to her. The interviews were done faster as usual. I wasn’t saying anything about Carlos, trying to stay as neutral as possible. I came back to the hospitality and changed out of my racing suit, getting ready for our team debrief. Grabbing my bag and made it back to the garage, waiting for the debrief to start. I sat alone for a while, then Andrea joined me, handing me my water bottle, right as Fred came in with Jock and Enrico.

"You’re here early." Jock said and I nodded.

"I want to leave as fast as I can…"

"Is she okay?"

"I haven’t seen her. But Felix said yes."

"I don’t understand what Norris did there…" Enrico said and I nodded.

"Me neither but what can I say, he’s not the only one who made questionable decisions today, no?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"Charles…" Fred warned but I only held my hands up in defeat.

I leaned back and watched the interviews of the day playing on the tv in the corner, right when Carlos interview started to play. With every second I watched my mood got worse. He was blaming me for his bad result. I was in his way? What the actual fuck.

"Is he for real? It was my fault? My fault?" I looked at Fred.

"We‘ll debrief it…" he began.

"He pushed me off in the sprint yesterday and then what the fuck was he doing at the start today? And now he’s blaming me for it?" I was fuming and Fred tried to calm me down.

"Charles, please.." he began but I sighed when I saw Carlos entering the room "Calm down, okay?"

I scoffed and looked at Fred, waiting for the room to fill up.

"Alright, some positive things, some negative things. First off, we managed to take home as many points as possible this weekend.." Fred began but I didn't even listen, waiting for the moment I could finally leave and check on Lizzie.

"Charles?" Fred looked at me and I blinked.

"What?"

"I said I wanted your opinion on the race start."

"I already gave my opinion on the radio..." was the only thing I said.

"And I gave mine. The racing line you were going in turn 1, turn 2 was weird and…" Carlos began.

"I was in my racing line as I was ahead of you, if you squabble into my racing line, don't blame me. Russell and Hulkenberg only went by because you were in my line, and I had to go wide. Again." I interrupted him.

"Whatever." Carlos rolled his eyes and I scoffed.

"Exactly... whatever when it’s something you did. Let's discuss and put the blame on me every other time. Yeah, yeah I get it." I said and the room fell silent.

"Alright. Umm- let's move forward, Miami. As you might know, we have a special livery and racing suit for Miami..." Fred began but I wasn't listening again.

I wanted to leave. Now. I wanted to go to Lizzie.

"Charles?" Andrea nudged my shoulder and I looked up

"We're ready, we can leave."

"Alright..." I got up and followed him outside, taking my phone out "I'm going to Lizzie..." Andrea patted my back and I left, walking to the Audi hospitality. I watched her get up from the armchair, flinching a little when she walked towards me.

"Hey you..." she said gently, kissing my cheek.

"Hey, are you okay?" I replied, cupping her cheeks ans looking her once over.

"It looked worse than it was… I’m fine."

"I’m sorry that he ruined your race…"

"Yeah, what can I say… it’s like this. We can’t change it now." she sighed and I took her hand, walking outside and thankfully almost no fans were waiting for us.

I had enough of this day, Lizzie looked exhausted and tired and I just wanted to go back to the hotel, make her eat something, go to bed and then go back home.

"You're awfully quiet..." Lizzie said after a while and I sighed "Oh, that bad? What happened?"

"The same shit as always..." I said, stopping at a red light.

"Okay?"

"Carlos does what he wants, blames me, I say my word, no one cares…" I shrugged and Lizzie sighed.

"I had high hopes that it would change, once Fred takes over..." she mumbled and I chuckled bitterly "They signed you. Not him. You're their future, they should listen to you..."

"Yeah maybe, but apparently it’s not like that." I mumbled and she caressed my cheek, turning to look at me.

"Maybe you need to talk to Fred?" she suggested and I nodded.

"Yeah. Maybe. But for now I just want to go home." I smiled a little, thinking about our upcoming anniversary and the little surprise I had planned for Lizzie.

"Me too. Netflix will bother us for a hot minute tho..." she sighed and I grabbed her thigh, squeezing it, I already took care of that as well "I had a talk with Elijah and we will film a little something…"

"It will be fine, don't worry."

"If you say so." she chuckled.

Oh I knew so. I just didn't say anything. Not raising any suspicions. But it was all well thought through. And the moment we arrived back at home, I started to make the final preparations for the big surprise.

"And Lizzie has no idea?" Elijah asked, while the film crew captured everything I was doing.

"Nope. Not a single clue. For once I was able to keep a secret to myself." I laughed as we walked through the garden gate, Marianne already awaiting.

"Salut Charles! Come on in!" she greeted me, and I felt the giddiness overcoming me. Sure, it was a surprise for Lizzie, and I knew how excited she would be, but it was also for me. Something I've always dreamed of myself.

"Ready to bring him home?" Marianne asked when we stepped in the back, three little puppies playing in the play pen, one of them jumped excited up the fence as soon as he spotted me "Seems like he is ready."

"Hey Arlo." I bent down, picking him up and he began licking my face immediately "Ready, little one?" I turned to Elijah and the film crew "Meet Arlo Doetterer-Leclerc, our newest family member."

"Oh my god, he's adorable." Sarah, the sound lady said and I stepped closer to her, so she could pet Arlo.

"You have everything you need?" Marianne asked me and I nodded.

"I bought everything from the list you gave me, I set up his crate and bed. Now it's only him who's missing." I said and she chuckled.

"I guess you are really ready to go then!" she said and I smiled.

"Let's say goodbye to your siblings and mum..." I sat him back down in the play pen, watching how he tolled around with his brother and sister. Marianne then brought out Arlo's mum and I picked him up and sat him down in front of her "Don't' worry, little one, we will come and visit your mum from time to time."

"You can always come by, maybe we can set up some playdates when his siblings are coming over." Marianne bent down, scratching Arlos's head.

"Definitely..." I agreed and Marianne picked him up and handing him over.

"We stay in touch then!" she smiled and I nodded.

"We will. Bye Marianne." I said and Eijah and the rest of the crew waved goodbye.

"Let's go, we have to hurry a little if we want to be at home before Lizzie gets back." I opened the passenger door and sat Arlo down, putting his harness on and then sat him into the transport box, clipping the harness into the security hook

"Alright. Tomorrow then?"

"Yes, just text us when you're ready and we're coming over." Elijah said and I nodded "See you tomorrow."

"See you guys tomorrow then." I got in the car and drove back to Monaco, Arlo next to me barking "We almost made it Arlo. Soon you'll see your new home, you'll gonna love it." I parked the car, glad to see that Lizzie's car wasn't here, and got Arlo out of the transport box when Lizzie called.

"Hey cara mia." I said, hoping Arlo would be quiet.

"Chicken and salmon for tomorrow and Friday?" she asked and I chuckled.

"Yep sounds good, for tonight I reserved a table at Antonios." I lied. I ordered food because I knew Lizzie wouldn’t want to leave once she saw Arlo.

"Sounds good. I'm almost home, you need anything else?"

"Nope just you.." I stepped out of the elevator, unlocking the door.

"Alright, half an hour and you have me." she laughed.

"Perfect. Love you. Bye." I hung up right in time for Arlo to let out a bark for ignoring him too long "Sorry buddy. Your mum is almost home come on now, I have to get you ready!"

I walked upstairs with him and sat him down, getting the bow I had prepared. I sat down and Arlo immediately jumped between my legs, happily barking and huffing. Tying the bow around him was harder than expected and I soon realised it might not go that easy.

"Oh come on, little one! Hold still! No! No! Stop! Arlo!" how could a small fur ball like him exhaust me after not even 30 minutes! I tried again tying the bow around him, but he just jumped out of my lap, following the reflection of my watch, barking his adorable little barks "Okay, come on now! Good boy! Good boy! Yes, come here." I cooed and he looked at me tilting his head a little, looking adorable "Please, you little nugget! Your mum will be here any minute! Pleeeeaseee!" He jumped back in my lap, starting to lick my face "No! Stop! Stay! Arlo, stay! Good boy! Now just let me… no stay! Arrrghh! Arlo!" I gave up. It wasn’t working. I plopped down and Arlo jumped on my chest "Yeah, we definitely need to go to the puppy school with you, you little rascal!" he laid down on my chest, looking at me with his big puppy eyes "You’re the cutest, little, good boy! Your mum is going to freak out! She’s crazy for dogs! You’ll be spoiled and cuddled and kissed and loved all the time!" he barked a little and then attacked my face with more licks and dog kisses. A notification on my phone let me know that Lizzie just entered our home and I scooped the little rascal up, going out on the terrace, waiting for Lizzie to come up.

"Shhh… just a few more minutes little one! Come on! Don’t bark!" I pleaded and Arlo stumbled over his own feet and let out a little bark "Shhh!"

"Charles? I'm home?" I heard Lizzie coming up the stairs "Are you even here?"

I opened the screen door fully and sat Arlo down.

"Go..." I whispered to him right when Lizzie rounded the corner and as if he understood his assignment he trotted towards her, tilting his head adorably, stopping in front of her.

"Cha-…" she began but then stopped abruptly, staring at Arlo "Wha-... who-... Charles? There is a puppy... a beautiful, gorgeous, cute and adorable puppy... in our flat..." she whispered, and I stepped behind Arlo.

"Lizzie, meet Arlo Doetterer-Leclerc, our new fur baby." I smiled and Lizzie had tears in her eyes, falling down on her knees and scooping up Arlo who happily jumped into her arms, licking her face "Happy second anniversary, cara mia."

"He's really ours? Our fur baby?" Lizzie looked at me and I nodded "Our baby boy?"

"Our baby boy." I chuckled and Lizzie got up, Arlo pressed to her chest, storming right into my arms "I mean initially your's as a gif-..." I began but she pressed her lips on mine, and I was melting into her touch.

"I love you, Charles. So much. This... he's the best gift I could ever receive. Our little fur baby." she whispered against my lips, sniffeling "He's so perfect!" she cooed, kissing Arlos head over and over again "My two perfect boys."

I chuckled and pulled her towards the sofa, sitting down with Lizzie snuggled into my side, Arlo in her arms, littering him with kisses. His big eyes on her. I was right, he immediately fell in love with her, like everyone who meets her does.

Chapter 43 - Welcome to the family, Arlo Doetterer-Leclerc, when I started this story last July I wrote so many little blurbs and created Insta posts and was so excited for when I finally could use them! That Charles now has a puppy in real life is just another one of these funny coincidences 🙈 that THE Lewis Hamilton comments and says he’s happy for Roscoe to have a friend in the hospitality (I actually meant paddock but hey) is also and added bonus 🙈👀 and ALSO CONGRATS CHARLES ON P3 TODAY!

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

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Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

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@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @shimmermotorsport @janeh22 @kahhorri @18754389 @chiliwhore @hellowgoodbye @queensassybitchsworld @harrysdimple05 @skynel09

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