#if I don’t take my jewelry shoes bra makeup off the moment I’m home I go insane

[worstversionofme]

Liz Herrera brings me so much joy as a woman lawyer who also wears real professional shit everyday the apartment outfit is real

I’m partial to hoodies instead of tshirts but that’s me

#dimension 20 #liz herrera #the unsleeping city #if I don’t take my jewelry shoes bra makeup off the moment I’m home I go insane

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

#transmasc #ftm #ftx #gender #genderqueer #transgender #trans #lgbt #lgbtq #trans man #nonbinary #genderfluid #poets of tumblr #spilled thoughts #gender expression #low dose t #hrt

[mermaidxatxheart]

Black Magic Woman

I got this request from @buckybarton03 I hope I did this justice, dearie. 

Pairing: Bucky X Reade

Word Count: 3500

Request: Hi, I was wondering if you could write about how Bucky and Y/N have been dating for a while and Tony throws a party so the Avengers can finally meet Y/N. At the party, Y/N connects with Sam really well (as friends) and Bucky gets super jealous.

“Are you sure you wanna be keeping secrets, Bucky? Your whole team relies on the fact that there aren’t any secrets between you guys.” You say softly. 

 The sauce is simmering quietly on the stove and the meatballs are frying away in the oil. You’re just waiting for the water to boil for the pasta. Bucky is pacing around your spacious kitchen. 

“It’s not a secret, doll. Sam knows about you. I’m not hiding you from anyone.” He says, his blue eyes drifting to the meatballs.

 “Don’t even think about it. And yeah, sure, Sam knows about me. But we’ve never met.”

 “I’m just trying to keep you safe.” He says.

 “No, you’re using that excuse to cover your real feelings.” You huff, putting down the tongs and turning towards him. 

 “My real feelings?” He asks.

 You cup his face gently. “Barnes, when will you ever learn you can’t keep anything from me?” 

 “Probably never.”

 “You’re still feeling guilt over your past. Like maybe you don’t deserve to be happy.” Your thumbs trace light lines over the planes of his face. He grasps your wrists softly. “But remember? We talked about this. James Buchanan Barnes would never have done that.  They took the best qualities about you and twisted them. That’s not on you. You’re allowed to be happy, to have a life. You said yourself that Stark forgave you.”

 “He did.” Bucky sighs, closing his eyes. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t still feel like if I did have a life, moved on, he wouldn’t be pissed. Sorry.”

 “Don’t be fucking sorry, you know I never mind a god damn swear word.” You reply and he chuckles. 

 “You’re worse than a soldier.”

 “Bucky, please? I need you to be comfortable with this, okay? I’m happy to wait until you’re ready, but I think you should consider it.” You say. 

 “Fine. Just for you.” He nods.

 You press up on your tip-toes and kiss his soft lips. He pulls back and grins, brushing your cheek. 

 “You get all red.”

 “Yeah, the beard burn is no joke with you.” You mutter, turning back to the stove. “You can make the pasta, and if you even think about touching the meatballs before they’re ready, you’re gonna get it.” You warn. He grins, holding up his hand. 

 “Yes, ma’am.” He promises, but you suspect that his fingers are crossed on the hand you can’t see.

 ***

 “Barnes!” Tony calls, trying to catch up to the big man. Shit, he walks fast. “Bucky!” Tony calls again, turning his speed into an actual jog. “Damn, speed racer.” He mutters, stopping when he sees him truck through the door and he’s gone. 

 “Hey, Tony.” Sam greets, signing in.

 Tony turns to look at him and sighs. “Will you tell Barnes that he can stop avoiding me? I’m not mad anymore.”

 Sam has the nerve to chuckle. “Sure, I’ll let him know, but it’s not about you, man.” He says, patting Tony on the shoulder. “Not everything is, you know.”

 “What? Then why is he running from me?”

 “Maybe it’s not you? Maybe he’s running to someone instead.” Sam grins. 

 “I don’t follow.”

 “He’s got a girl. He’s there almost every night.” 

 “What’s she like? Why haven’t I met her?”

 “I don’t know what she’s like. No one’s met her as far as I know. And if they’ve met her before me, he’s gonna be sorry.” Sam says, dropping the pen back down. “He probably wants his privacy, man. After seventy years of living in a cage where anyone can come by and harass you, wouldn’t you want privacy?”

 “Fine, when you put it like that, it makes sense.” Tony sighs.

 “Good. Now, let it go. He’ll introduce us when he’s ready.” Sam disappears into the compound and Tony looks thoughtfully at the door.

 “But I’m ready now.” He mumbles, heading back for his office. Time to think of a plan. 

 ***

 The grocery store is crowded, more crowded than he would have liked. People keep bumping into him and that’s not helping his cover. Not that a baseball hat and dark sunglasses is much of a cover. 

 He had spotted you back in the frozen foods section and simply couldn’t believe his luck. Having received your picture in his background check, he knew exactly who you were. 

 And boy, are you way out of Barnes’ league. 

 He follows you around for at least fifteen minutes, trying to figure out a way to meet you ‘organically’ since he’s not supposed to know who you are. 

 You’re looking at boxes of tea, so he figures he can approach under the guise of getting some for himself. 

 Just as he’s about to turn the corner, someone bumps into him and he knocks over an entire shelf of syrup bottles and honey jars. The mess goes everywhere and he has to scramble to hide.

 ***

 Which tea did Bucky say he wanted? Crap, you knew you should have written it down. You select a couple different varieties, tossing them in your basket. You’re about to leave when an entire shelf tips over behind you. You jump, flattening yourself against the tea wall as honey and syrup flood toward you. 

 There’s a narrow space to walk for your escape so you quickly take it, avoiding getting your shoes all sticky. 

 Some people need to pay more attention.

 ***

 You wanna ask him, you know your tone would be light. It’s a thing these days, a joke people say when weird things happen. But he would take it the wrong way, get overprotective and never let you leave your apartment. 

 “Do you ever feel like you’re being followed?” One simple question, a tease, a half-hearted jest. 

 But with Bucky, the King of Paranoia, it would mean so much more. So you keep it to yourself. Even though weird things keep happening.

 There was that incident in the grocery store, and then a few days later at your favorite book store-an entire row of customers were knocked over as some lunatic created havoc. Then at the laundromat, some idiot accidentally locked himself inside a dryer and they had to close the building down. 

 Everywhere you go lately, chaos follows you. 

 ***

 “I don’t understand.” Tony paces his living room. 

 “Explain to me again how you accidentally got locked in a dryer in a laundromat you don’t even need to go to,” Pepper says, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

 “It doesn’t matter, that was weeks ago, Pep. Don’t you see it? She’s a witch and she’s cursed me.”

 “To do what, exactly? Make a fool of yourself? Because you’re doing just fine on your own.” She says evenly. 

 “Funny. No! Every time I try to get near her, something disastrous happens.” Tony chews on his thumb as he thinks. “It’s been two months. All I want is to meet her. That’s it. Make her feel welcome so Barnes feels welcome.”

 “Lies.” Pepper sighs, leaning back and crossing her long legs.

 “Excuse me?”

 “You, sir, are a dirty rotten liar who lies on his throne of lies. You want to meet her because you don’t like that someone is keeping a secret from you.” She accuses and his mouth falls open. 

 “Why, I never!”

 “More lies. You always.” She retorts, standing up and getting more wine. “Honestly, why are you going to all the trouble of tracking her down when you could just get her to come to you?”

 Tony perks up and looks at his wife. “Come again?”

 “Throw a party. A small get together with just the Avengers and their significant others. We could do a barbecue.”

 “Pepper, you’re a genius.” He exclaims, pulling her in for a kiss.

 “I know.”

 ***

 You fidget nervously in front of the mirror. Bucky will be home soon and then it’s just a quick shower and he’ll be ready to go.

 You eye the invitation and a slow smile spreads across your face. Finally. You can’t wait to meet all his friends. 

 You smooth the indigo-colored shirt down over your waist, hands just having too much energy to stay still. 

 It’s still a mystery as to how Tony Stark even knows about you or where you live, but you just assume that Bucky gave the okay to invite you. Or maybe he put you down as an emergency contact. 

 Whatever the reason, you’re excited. Eleven shirt changes, do the shoes match the shirt, or not match? Hair up? Hair down? Makeup? No makeup? Barbecue means casual, right?

 The door clicks open and you can hear Bucky shuffling as he takes off his work boots. “Babe?” He calls and you scoop up the invitation before stepping out to meet him. His eyes lift to look at you and he smiles. “Wow. You look gorgeous.” He says, stepping forward. 

 “You’ve been gone for five days on a mission, I could wear a potato sack and you would still think that. Better than the sweaty men you’ve been around.” You roll your eyes, but you still flush slightly at his compliment. 

 “Very true. And I would very much like it if you wore a potato sack. Easy access, no buttons or ridiculous bra hooks to fight with. Just up and over your head and then you’re all mine.” He says, sweeping you into his arms and kissing you deeply.

 You sink into it for a moment before you remember that he doesn’t have much time to get ready. You pull away before he can distract you any further. 

 “What?” He asks, confused as he searches your face. 

 “You have to get ready so we can go.” You say, pushing him in the direction of the bathroom. Not that he moves much. 

 “Go where? Are you taking me out on a date?” He asks scandalously, teasing you with slow steps and leaning into your hands.

 “To Tony’s party.” You remind him. 

 He stops dead and stands up straight, all humor is gone. “Wait, what? What party?” He asks.

 You hold up the envelope for him to see and he takes it from your hands, reading the details. “You didn’t know.” You say, resisting the sigh.

 “No.” He answers shortly. 

 So, he didn’t give the okay, this isn’t his idea. He’s still not ready. 

 You give a small nod. “Alright.” You start taking off your earrings.

 “Doll,” he starts.

 “We don’t have to go. I said I would wait until you’re ready, not Tony Stark. We can stay home. You’re probably tired anyway.” You step around him to put your jewelry in the dish on your dresser.

 He grabs your arm lightly, stopping you. “Don’t. Keep your earrings in.” He says, his eyes closed.

 “Bucky, we don’t have to go, it’s fine.” You insist. 

 He pulls you close and cups your face softly. “When are you gonna learn that you can’t keep things from me?” He teases. “I know you wanna go. You got all dressed up and I can feel your excitement in the air. Let me shower and then we’ll go.” He promises.

 “Are you sure? Really really sure?” You ask and he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

 “It’s time.”

 ***

 Bucky

 He told you he was fine with going to the party. It just means that he can yell at Tony tonight instead of waiting until Monday. 

 You look so beautiful, the deep rich color of your shirt bringing out the tones in your eyes. You thank him softly as he opens the door for you. You look up at him as you slip inside and squeeze his hand. 

 “We can go. Get burgers at Rhonda’s, your favorite milkshake. Netflix and chill.” You offer suggestively and he’s sorely tempted to take you up on it, but he knows how much you want to be here. And he loves you for offering him a way out. 

 “Nope. Although, the Netflix and chill thing we’re definitely doing.” He says and you laugh. 

 “Deal.” You kiss him softly and allow him to lead you through to the common area. There’s a massive outdoor patio with a grill set up and tables and chairs, coolers of beer and sodas. It looks like it’s a quiet affair, not one of Tony’s loud galas. Just a handful of people that he works with, Natasha, Sam, Maria, Sharon, and some others. 

 He sees Pepper and gives a small smile, realizing that keeping this a small affair must have been her idea. 

 “Hey, Bucky. Glad you could make it.” She says, giving him a confident peck on the cheek. 

 “Thanks. This is my girlfriend, Y/N. Y/N, Pepper, Tony’s wife, and wrangler.” He looks at Pepper. “Speaking of, do you know where he is?” Bucky asks. 

 “Getting the food from the kitchen. Y/N, let’s get you a drink.” She says, offering you her arm. “I see Sam over by the drinks, let’s go meet him.” 

 You take it with a curious look at Bucky. He nods once and kisses your cheek, your skin soft against his lips. He watches Pepper lead you away before turning to go to the kitchen. 

 Tony is humming away, dancing very badly as he prepares a platter full of burgers. He doesn’t notice Bucky enter and a little thrill goes through his chest. Never able to resist startling someone, it brings him a secret joy. 

 He moves silently behind the billionaire. “Stark.” He growls. 

 Tony lets out a high-pitched scream and he spins around and stumbles back into the counter with a hard thud. 

 Ever the master assassin, Bucky keeps a straight face on the outside, but inside he’s doubled over laughing hysterically. That shit was funny.

 “Barnes!” Tony squeaks. “Glad to see you made it back.” He manages, looking around the kitchen guiltily. 

 “Are you?” Bucky murmurs, examining his nails. 

 “Of course.” He clears his throat nervously.

 “What’s the matter, Tony?”

 “Nothing, why would anything be wrong?”

 Bucky sighs, crossing his arms. “Stark. Why go behind my back?”

 “What do you mean?”

 “This party, the invite. You could have just told me about it. Instead, you send an invitation behind my back to my girlfriend. How did you even find out about her?”

 Tony sighs in defeat, his posture relaxing. “Wilson. He mentioned her a couple months ago and I’ve been trying to meet her ever since.” He shakes his head. “She’s some kind of magic. Every time I get close something would happen to make it go wrong.”

 Bucky chuckles. “She is magic, I’ll give you that. C’mon. I’ll introduce you as long as you leave her alone after this. I don’t want her in the crossfire of what we do.” 

 “You know we’d protect her,” Tony replies as Bucky picks up the platter. 

 “That’s not what I’m worried about.” The men walk back outside to the party and Bucky stops dead as he sees Sam sling his arm around your shoulders.

 He leaves you alone for a few seconds.

 You tip your head back and laugh, nudging his ribs with your elbow. Annoyance settles in his belly, burning through his veins. 

 ***

 Sam Wilson is hilarious. Ever since Pepper brought you over here, he’s done nothing but crack jokes and tell you stories about your boyfriend. 

 He’s warm and charming and easily accepting you. You can tell you’re gonna be good friends. 

 You’re in the middle of teasing him about a story Bucky told you about him when you feel eyes on the back of your head. You start to turn and Sam drapes his arm around your shoulders, laughing at your teasing comments.  You nudge his ribs good-naturedly. 

 His attention gets called away and you look around, seeing Tony Stark at the grill. He’s handing the platter over to someone else, which doesn’t surprise you. He doesn’t seem like the type to cook. 

 So, if Tony’s out here, where’s Bucky? You turn in a circle, searching for his face. Not seeing him outside, you head inside, hoping you don’t get lost. 

 You don’t have to look too long before you nearly walk into him. “Hey.” You smile, linking your hand through his. “Work everything out with Tony?” You ask, tilting your head. 

 He barely looks at you before nodding. “Yup.”

 “Bucky, what’s wrong?”

 “You should go enjoy the party. It’s for you, after all.” He says. His voice is cold, face blank of emotion. 

 “Bucky.” You say firmly, squeezing his hand. “I like it a lot better when you talk to me.” You try and he scoffs quietly.

 “Do you?” He replies and then winces. 

 Your body turns cold. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 “Nothing. I shouldn’t be here.” He pulls his hand out of yours and turns to leave. “This is a mistake.”

 A mistake? Those words hurt you more than you can say. 

 You dart around him and block his way with your hands on his shoulders. “What’s a mistake? Being here? Or being with me?” You ask, your voice wobbling.

 “You deserve better, someone without baggage to drag you down.” He shakes his head, taking your hands off him.

 “You’re leaving me? Here? At a party with your friends?” Your voice cracks and the tears fill your eyes, blurring your vision. 

 What could possibly have made this mood come on?

 “They’re not my friends.” He says, looking over your head.

 “Sam is.” You return, tears spilling over as he clenches his jaw. 

 Bucky groans. “Doll, don’t cry.” He half reaches to brush them away but drops his arm.

 “Then don’t leave me. It’s a stupid idea and you know it. I love you. I don’t understand why you’re doing this.”

 He opens his mouth to reply but glances over your head and closes his mouth. He nods with a curt smile at someone passing before he takes your hand and pulls you into a small side room. 

 “Take a minute to collect yourself.” He says, turning to the door but you squeeze yourself between him and the entrance, blocking his way.

 He raises an eyebrow and you know you’re no competition for him, he could easily move you. But he won’t. 

 “What the fuck is going on? Did I do something wrong?” You ask but he just shakes his head, taking a step back from you. “Are you just overwhelmed? I know you weren’t planning on this, being here and sharing me yet. We can go home, I’ll leave. I’d rather be with you anyway.” You rush.

 “No, doll.” He sighs and you grip the door handle so you don’t sink to your knees. The thought of losing him breaks you. “We can stay. I’m just being...” he trails off. 

 You try to wait patiently for him to continue speaking, but it’s not easy. You’re dying to know what’s in his head. 

 “I’m just...” he repeats, struggling. Finally, he looks at you and the cracks in his demeanor give way to holes and he melts. “Jealous.” He admits finally, shoulders slumping as he unburdens himself. 

 “Jealous? Of what?” You frown, confused. 

 “Sam. You two were getting along so well, right off the bat. I just...”

 You heave a sigh of relief. “Listen, I like Sam. He’s great and I feel better having met him knowing he’s got your back. Of course, we’re going to get along. We have someone we care about in common.” You say, poking his arm. “Jesus, you’re an idiot.” You huff. 

 “Am I still your idiot?” 

 You tilt your head, thinking about it for a second. “I guess if you still want to be.” You shrug, but inside you’re ridiculously happy. 

 “Of course, I want to.”

 “So, we can go back to the party?” You ask, gesturing behind you. He nods, holding out his hand. You take it, kissing the back of it. “You’re not allowed to leave me.” You tell him. 

 “Yes, ma’am.” He leads you back outside and over to his friend. He lightly punches Sam in the arm, his own tight around your shoulders. You happily lean into him. 

 There’s a tap on his arm and he turns you around to see Tony Stark. Bucky groans exaggeratedly but introduces you anyway. 

 “Yeah, the magic girl.” Tony nods knowingly and you tilt your head curiously. 

 “The what?” You ask. 

 “You have some sort of magic. I’ve been trying to meet you for a couple months but something always goes wrong.” He admits, shaking your hand.

 “You’re the disaster that’s been following me around?” You ask incredulously. Sam snorts into his drink and turns away. 

 “Well, yeah.”

 “How on earth did you even get stuck in a dryer?” You plant your hand on your hip as a sheepish grin spreads across his face. 

 “Well, it’s a long story.” He starts, glancing at Bucky.

 “You got stuck in a dryer? Now, this I have to hear.” Your boyfriend says, gesturing for him to continue. 

 “Well,” Tony starts and you just know that this is going to be the start of a beautiful, but weird, friendship.

 Tag List:

@everythingisoverrated @psyched2b @shreddedparchment @bitsandbobsandstuff @after-avenging-hours @alexblrus @thinkingsofamadwoman @i-dont-want-to-be-called @thefridgeismybestie @fortheloveofallthatsholy @crazychaotic @pleasureoftheguiltiestvariety @redstarstan @justreadingfics @themistsofmyavalon @sebastianstanslefteyebrow @wkemeup @thiccbinch @glide-thru @elliee1497 @ellaenchanted91 @part-time-patronus @janeyboo @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @thirstybitchqueen @xxloki81xx @stuckonjbbarnes @browngirlmagic @geeksareunique @nicoleplacee @lexshead @gambitsqueen @sebbbystaaan @lokisironthrone​ @imanuglywombat​ @also-fangirlinsweden​

#request #Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #mermaidxatxheart-writes #romance #fluff #marvel #marvel fan fiction #marvel fanfic

[sunlightwoo]

tag games ✰

here’s just a long post of me continuing on tag games that i’ve been tagged in but haven’t had the time to answer hehe

however if you see this, you’re tagged by me if you haven’t done it already :) and thank you @hyunjaethereal​, @timextoxhajima​​ , @sankyeom​​ , @viastro​​ , @bbangsoonie​​​, @wavesmp3​​​ and @shionwrites​​​ for tagging me ily guys <3

✰ element writer tag ✍️

what element writer are you?

magma writer

Molten rock that still has to surface. You're the perfect mix of fire and earth, and your story shows it, having the best of both worlds. You're the writer that holds fire on their fingertips and kisses their lovers goodbye in the most painful way. You're able to build long stories that burn on the inside. You break the human soul, touching with infinite grace the right cords. You are an artist of the elaborate pain and heavy angst only a constructed and long story can give. If i could see in your eyes, i would be looking at your soul dancing on an unstable floor, flames all around it, to protect it and to forge it. Your love burns hot and infinite inside of you, and sometimes, when it slips out, you're afraid that it could burn too much. But the right people will know how to love you, and every bright tongue of fire your soul is made of. Your stories are the ones that make the world change.

damn no need to hurt me like that

✰ what is your unorthodox love language?

for this one i took it with my friends and it was sharing foods with your loved ones!!

and this really hit home <//3

✰ playlist tag

rules: we’re snooping on your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs and then choose 10 victims.

flag by tbz

sit down by nct 127

after school by weeekly

come back home by 2ne1

good to me by svt

from by ateez

secret story of the swan by iz*one

she’s in the rain by the rose

shoot by itzy

asap by stayc

✰ writer positivity tag 🪴

rules: bold the things that apply to you

I am a talented writer | I have a way with words | I can plan my stories really well | I can improvise my stories really well | I am great at writing realistic dialogue | I can really paint a picture with my words | My writing is very atmospheric | I am great at descriptions | I am great at action | I am great at touching people with my stories | the backstories of my characters are all diverse and I feel like I truly know them | I am great at making a realistic and complex personalities | I really enjoy the character dynamics and relationships in my wips | my main characters aren't always the same | I am great at coming up with gripping beginnings | I am great at coming up with gripping endings | I am great at coming up with titles  | I am in love with my characters and would die for them if they were real | I love how I write animals and mystic creatures | I am great at world-building | I have intriguing and gripping plots | I write amazing character-driven stories | I am great at capturing and keeping the audience's attention | I am persistent even when I want to give up | I'm very organized with my writing notes | I am constantly learning from every story I encounter | I devour books

✰ this or that intimate moments (bold what applys)

love at first sight or slowly growing fond of someone | love letters or mixtapes | hand kisses or kisses on the cheeks | understanding each other without words or finishing each others sentences | gazing into each other’s eyes or looking away blushing | longing to be with someone again or spending every second together | laughing together or crying together | someone run their fingers through your hair or gently playing with your hand | surprise kisses or long tight hugs

✰ aesthetic tag

➼ 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 13/20 (had a hunch)

baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | re-watching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

➼ 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐀𝐂𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐀 7/20 

neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

|➼ 𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐘 4/20

closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

➼ 𝟕𝟎’𝐒 5/20

colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

➼ 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 4/20

collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colourful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairylights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details |

✰ zodiac this or that (i’ll do my big three)

Pisces sun: Aquamarine or Amethyst. Sea Green or Ocean Blue. Tulips or Carnations. Turmeric or Willow Herb. Surfing or Water Skiing. Ocean or River. Poetry or Painting. Dolphins or Whales. Pineapple or Watermelon. Telekinesis or Reality Warping/Illusion powers. Zinfandel or Spiked punches/lemonades. Starfish or Seashells. Healing Crystals or Dreamcatchers. Psychic powers or Water bending/manipulation. Coneflower or Iris. Lighthouse or Watermill. Baby’s breath or Waterlily. Taurus or Capricorn.

Taurus moon: Green or Pink. Malachite or Emerald. Roses or Violets. Thyme or Brasil. Vanilla or Chocolate. Candles or Bath bombs. Painting or Jewelry making. Seduction powers or Enchanted jewerly, treasure, or gemstones. Foxglove or Larkspur. Chocker or Medallion necklaces. Apples or Grapes. Singing or Humming. Elephants or Turtles. Gardening or Shopping. Having a homebody day or Taking a walk in nature. Pinot Noir or Bourbon. Precognition or Manipulating life force. Violin or Lute. Cancer or Pisces.

Virgo rising: Navy Blue or Olive Green. Peridot or Sardonyx. Peony or Sweet Pea. Hops or Rosemary. Chess or Checkers. Carrot Cake or Fig Bar/Cakes/Cookies. Knitting or Crocheting. Grammar Checking/Quality Assurance or Critiquing a piece of work. Golf or Tennis. Buttercups or Morning Glory. Herbs magic or Earth and plant bending. Mice or Bees. Cabernet Frank or Micro-brews. Enchanted Garden or Magic that can perfect skills. Bunnies or Deer. Cancer or Scorpio.

#tag games

[wookikun]

aesthetic tag game

tagged by @hiddenclawsof (who wrote the very first WooKi I've read and well I'm facing some unpleasant moments but u still remembers me and that heals me a lot)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

(soft!) baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

(dark academia!) neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

(edgy!) closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humour | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

(seventies!) colourful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

(preppy casual!) collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time | frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

(by @masterninjacow!) rainy mornings | sweet steaming tea | cats’ purrs | daydreaming about fantasies | back hugs | glinting necklaces | loud video games | grumbling thunder | constantly chewing gum | wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear to bed | watching horror movies at night | nibbling on chocolates | talking to yourself | short hair | sad lofi music | messy sketches | sweet-scented body wash | spicy noodles at midnight | hating physical affection but craving it at the same time | ending all texts with lmao or rip

(by @cherriigguk!) dried flowers | painting at 2 am in oversized sweater | up until sunrise | abundance of blankets and plushies | minimalistic colours | writing when you can’t sleep | warm banana bread on a winters day | stroking a sleepy dog | big eyeliner | butterfly clips | lo-fi hip hop | glossy lips and rose tinted cheeks | afternoon tea with old friends | oversized cardigans | herbal tea | dainty jewellery | self-care evenings | messy low bun or ponytails | dark hair | too many sketchbooks |

(by @iniquitouspoppy!) cuddling with pets | collecting art | journaling at night | flower dresses | raccoon eyes | thunderstorms | listening to music in bed | gaming | anything (pastel) rainbow | jumpsuits | taking pictures with an old camera | pictures everywhere | spending time with friends until the sun goes down | being alone and loving it | being alone and hating it | reading in the train or bus | just reading all the time | biking everywhere | buying flowers | biting your lip | blue skies, white clouds | big tattoos | piercings | stargazing |

(by @sweetae-tae) zoning out when talking to someone | travelling with friends | concerts and music festivals | doing something just because it makes others happy | being happy when loved ones are happy | mom-friending everyone | buying new flowers you know nothing about | baking for others | trying out new things | listening to one song on repeat for hours | not being able to find one specific song to listen to | doing things to keep your mind busy | a cool breeze during warm days | staying up for “just one more episode” | wishing on dandelions | collecting four-leaf-clovers | dimples | contagious laughter | decorating your room with photos and postcards and posters | winter nights when it snows heavily

(by @actuallythatwaspromise) bookstores | pearl necklaces | wishing on the first star at night | messy room | tall lace up leather boots | never breaking the rules | thigh high socks | peppermint-mocha frappes year round | no jackets in winter | standing outside in the rain | the scent of pine | watch documentaries for fun | navy blue room | knitted Blankets | eyes that are multi-colored | cool morning mist | perfectly formed sentences | reading poetry to learn new words | swords with golden hilts | wish anklets on so long that you forgot what you wished for

(by @kodabodaa) all black everything | vampire-esque | sitting outside on quiet nights | winged eyeliner | fucked up sleep schedule | standing outside during a downpour | meme photo folder | tattoos | piercings | loves to make people flustered through flirting | first meal not till after midnight | looks like could kill | laying in bed all day | majorly independent | playlists for everything | prince zuko trash | could read you to filth | lack of emotions | once i love, i love hard | not afraid of really anything |

(by @seoultraveller) intense eye contact | deep discussion about passions | naked dance sessions alone in the bedroom | learning foreign language through poetry, song, and history | studying historical dynasties | not studying out of pure disinterest | nervous lip biting | patience | having one drink alone at a hotel bar | pancakes or waffles on a weekend morning | driving down an empty road towards a roadtrip destination | a tryst over the summer that turns into a romantic storytime | traveling to put your school knowledge to use | mellifluous speech | does not speak unless spoken to first | peppermint hot chocolate by the fireplace | wine on the balcony | unknown intensity | crying in bed at night |

(by @daybreakx) hot drinks in tall mugs | glitter eyeshadow | the sensation in your mouth from peppermint + cold | the scent of roses | red lips | talking to yourself in another language | old disney movies | unsolicited information dumps | messy handwriting | cold days with lots of wind | listening to a song you love in public | a playlist for driving even if the drive is 10 min long | heart skipping a beat from happiness | the feeling when a concert is about to start | crime shows | sarcasm | drinking coffee while waiting for your flight | horror stories | scented candles all over the place | daydreaming as an escape |

(by @thelilyshope) sliding on floors wearing fuzzy socks | tennis shoes with dresses | loves horror | making your own coffee | lost in thought while in nature | staring at the night sky | loves the sunrise but doesn’t like feeling tired | falling asleep while bear hugging a plush | the feeling of excitement when discovering a new place | mysteries in old places | learning through travels | slowly reading books | longing for the future | fashion you love but could never try | interested in many but passionate only for a few | warming up under blankets after playing in snow | turning fear into excitement | embarrassing others in public | trying on weird things at the mall for fun | the go-to comfort friend

(by @yutopiada) morning runs through the sleepy neighbourhood | cutting your hair on a whim | clothes that are too big | podcasts and breakfast | writing letters to yourself | the sound and feeling of pressing the keys of a keyboard | songs that remind you of a precise memory | wanting to be different | scared of being forgotten | procrastination | body hair positivity | having a collection of wired earbuds in case one of them breaks | saving empty notebooks because they’re too precious to write in | claiming things as yours by putting a sticker(s) on it | that artificial strawberries and cream flavour | it’s not dessert unless it’s chocolate | white trainers | big, chunky shoes | staring at paintings/artifacts in museums for too long | enjoying old architecture

(by @hiddenclawsof ) walking at night to look for something interesting | collection of mystery/murder books | eyeshadow palettes that will not be used | highlighters | converse | not good at giving advises | vintage bracelets | old philosophical movies | peppermint | cries watching animals are being rescued | fidgets when thinking | instruments | typos | kaomoji | observes thoroughly | googles simple words just because | eyeglasses | black earrings | rain | strolling around the bookstore

(by @wookikun) making a group chat with all my fake accs just to comfort myself | love to stay alone but hate being lonely | become a talkative person when I meet someone I really love | love writing & reading | pansexual | a good listener | never show my true self so fast | always thinking before sleeping | can't sleep without clinging to bolster | shallow sleep whenever I'm not at my home | animes | wu xia series | coffee | accessories like bracelet, necklae, earrings | mostly use men purse instead of women's | imagine drawing with clouds | spicy foods | audio drama adaption cause I'm so lazy to read these days | dreams that I still need to follow | confessed to my crush and got rejected years ago

I'm not gonna tag anyone cuz I'm unfamiliar here but still I want to do this si without tagging I just do it :(((((

[pretty-restless-insomniac]

Tear Me To Pieces (W.C. 1,738)

Fandom: Riverdale

Word Count: 1,738

Pairing: Sweet Pea / Reader

Rating:  Teens and Up

Summary: "You couldn't just stay away, could you?" Pea's eyes shine with unshed tears and bites his lip shaking his head. You can't stand it any longer. 

WARNINGS:  Cussing

Part One I’m Not Her

Part Two Say Something

AO3  Or Click Keep Reading Below!

    You sigh as yet another call vibrates through your phone, disrupting the rare moment of peace you're finally experiencing. You know its him. Pea wasn't joking when he promised to be relentless. It's been a rough month since your last conversation, but thats something you won't ever tell another soul. Riverdale doesn't exactly have the best track record of keeping secrets, so you bode well to suffer in silence.  But damn, you miss him so much. Crying yourself to sleep nearly every night has taken not only a mental toll on your body, but quite noticeably a physical as well. You've barely eaten, face slightly gaunter and dark purple bags under your eyes. And mentally, you're  exhausted, a constant war waging inside of your mind. To give in or fight through the loneliness.

     But when the  phone started to ring again, your body makes the choice, launching at your phone to quickly answer it. 

   "Hello," you flinch at the croak that comes from you. 

    "Y/n, Jesus-Christ in Prada boots, you sound like shit, everyone's been trying to get ahold of you for the past 3 weeks! Three! Where the hell have you been?" You almost hate yourself for the small stab of disappointment that it wasn't him but you merely wince at Cheryl's blunt response.  Before you could muster up a crappy excuse, you hear a sigh and the phone being snatched away by her pink haired beau.

    "Don't mind her, Y/n, she doesn't take being ignored well - baby, no, I love you for it don't worry- ," her voice gets softer when she talks to her girlfriend. You hate the tears that well up in your eyes at tone, and you hate your mind for replaying all the times you were addressed in that soft tone, from your own love. Fucking. Hell.

     "Y/N, you still there?" You shake your head, trying to calm your racing mind.

      "Yeah, I-I'm here," You take a deep breath hoping for your voice to be at least a little more steady, "I'm sorry for disappearing on you guys, I've just had a lot to think about. And I think best alone, but I-I think I'll be o-okay now." 

     You almost laugh at your own lie as you catch sight of your horrid appearance in your dresser mirror. 'Okay' when the fuck is anybody really okay? What does okay even mean? The awkward silence ensues as Toni decides within herself whether it would be better to call you out on your lie, or not. You can just imagine the standoff going on between the two Vixens right now, no doubt having you on speaker, and no doubt one wanting to call your bullshit more than the other. A disgruntled groan is your only warning before you realize that yes, you're in for it..

     "Okay? Yeah, and you're also not supposed to mix gold and silver jewelry but does it look like I give a damn? Listen, what I'm about to tell you is what you told me when my darling JJ was taken by the cold clutches of death and deceit. Get your shit together. Take off the stupid Snoopy PJ's that I know you're wearing. Put on a bra, yes, the buckle type, boo-hoo. Pull on the red dress in the closet that I got you and do whatever you have to do to get the rest of you presentable. Blow torch, laser, hell I don't care, but you got 5 minutes till I'm picking your sulking ass up. We're going out."

     You're stunned when the line goes dead, eyeing your PJ's with wonder. You're not sure what being gifted you Cheryl Blossom, God or the Devil, but you know you're dead if you don't start running around now. Off you go, moving more than you had in the past few weeks, and becoming out-of-breath embarrassingly fast. You stand in front of the mirror, contemplating what to do with your hair. Luckily you sleep in braids so it's not a complete rats-nest, and you're relieved when soft waves fall past your shoulders. Your pale complexion and purple bags can't be helped much, so you decide to just fuck it and go without makeup. You're not trying to impress anyone anyways. 

     You're shuffling your way to the door, when it's suddenly thrown open and in strolls your raptor. Cheryl eyes you before scoffing and rolling her eyes, reaching her hand into the bag Toni is holding. Toni sends a sympathetic smile before Cheryl's tossing a pair of low-heeled sandals your way. You eye them and then eye the determined aura surrounding the red bombshell, deciding to pick your battles instead, and begrudgingly pull on the stupid shoes. Cheryl puckers her lips scanning your face but a look from Toni sends her stomping her way back into the car, Toni and you following behind. As you settle into the back seat, you fold your arms and stare out the window, wishing you could crawl back into bed right this minute. Stupid caring friends. Cheryl turns on the radio, drowning out the heavy silence with some upbeat tempo. 

     "Where are we going?" Toni reaches up to adjust her mirror till you can see the dazzling smile she sends your way, which you're sure she meant to be reassuring but actually worried you more.       "Well, Veronica's having a little get together at the speak easy so Cheryl and I thought it would be good to get you out and about. Betty and the rest of them will be there too!" You bristle a little at the thought of being around so many people so soon,  you feel like you're coming out of mourning. But you need to move on, you tell yourself, enough hiding away. You just nod, tongue too heavy to give any other reply, but also too heavy to ask your only question. An unspoken one that Toni can catch in the  glint of your eye.

      "No. He- he went out with Fangs tonight. Figured you two weren't ready to be around each other yet."

        You turn back to the window, fighting down a new wave of tears but Christ, you weren't sure if they were from relief of disappointment of his absence. You don't have time to ponder it though, you've arrived and Cheryl practically throws herself out of the car desperate to get to the soirée. You step out continuously tugging at your dress and Cheryl fusses with your hair before linking herself between you and Toni before strutting up to the packed venue. Cheryl pushes the three of you past the line of people, and you can't help but to giggle as Toni sends out apologies to the other jilted guests. You breathe a sigh of relief as you finally descend into the speakeasy, quickly staring in wonder at all the beautiful decorations. You don't know how long you stand with your mouth open but soon Cheryl's placing a drink into your hand and pushing you towards your group of friends to 'mingle.' 

    "Y/n, I've been so worried," Betty pauses during her skip towards you to glance back at her beanie wearing shadow who offers a soft smile and a nod," we've been worried." You gently squeeze her when you're drawn into her arms, trying to keep all your thoughts and emotions buried deep. You refuse to be anymore of a burden.

    "No need, I'm a big girl Betty. It's just a little high-school drama."  

    You pray she buys the smile that you plaster on your face, a timid one is returned though it doesn't dull the concern shining through her eyes. You need to get the attention off of you.

    "So where's V?" Betty looks at you for a - painstakingly long - moment more but then turns to point out the hardworking entrepreneur behind the 'bar.' Perfect.

    "I'm gonna grab a refill," you lift your empty glass, "want anything?" At her quick deny you scurry off before any other intervention of feelings come upon you. You've only been here for 5 minutes but you're already wanting to steal Toni's car to go home. No doubt the Cherry Bloodhound would catch you, but maybe some air would help just as much. Your legs move faster at the idea and soon you're pushing past some ignorant kids making out in the phone booth, flashing a small wave at Pop's before you're out the door. You face the building running your hands down your face and the brisk air filling your lungs. Finally alone.  

    "Y-Y/n," a wavers a voice from behind you.

    For fucks sake.

    The voice, his, sends shivers through your body but it looks as if you were shivering. You feel him walking closer, practically feeling his breath on your neck, but instead of his hands a jackets placed over your shoulders. You whip around, and Pea's eyes widen as he steps back, afraid he's crossed the line already. Your eyes asses over his figure, taking in the similar purple bags under his eyes that haunt your own. He's in nothing but a white t-shirt, his breath visible in the cold air. You move to return the jacket but he steps back again, shoving his hands in his pockets.

    "P-please, it's cold. I don't want you out here freezing. " You don't know what to say, the awkward silence causing you both to look down at your feet hoping maybe it would swallow you whole. 

    "Listen, I, uh, I promised Toni that I wouldn't show up here tonight. I- I was with Fangs but I, well," he stops to scratch the back of his neck, you blushing when you catch the slight show of skin as his shirt lifts. A surge of anger hits you, but more at yourself than him. Embarrassed at how much control he still has over your body but too bad it doesn't come out that way.

    "You couldn't just stay away, could you?" You push away the guilt that stabs you when he flinches, looking away,  at your brash tone.  Pea's eyes shine with unshed tears and bites his lip shaking his head. You can't stand it any longer. Your blood is roaring in your ears as you close the last the last few feet of distance and clutch the neckline of his shirt, dragging his face down to yours.

    "I swear I really fucking hate you." Then you mold your lips to his.

#riverdale #sweet pea #sweet pea x reader #cheryl blossom #Cheryl bombshell #angst #fangs fogarty #sad #post break up #betty cooper #betty x jughead #toni topaz #toni topaz x cheryl Blossom #veronica lodge #jughead jones #archie andrews #reggie mantle #malachi riverdale #Hiram Lodge #fred andrews #hermione lodge #mary andrews #alice cooper #fp jones

[gaasaku-fanfests]

Enslaved (Part 7 & 8)

Title: Enslaved Author: Pikaboubou Rating: E Word Count: LOL 86,775 Summary: AU; Suna succeeded in the Konoha Crush, enslaving their people. Years later Sakura is forced into the care of the man who destroyed her village, and is surprised by what she finds in him. Gaara, on the other hand, is interested in becoming more… ‘social’. Warnings: sexual assault, abuse, stockholm syndrome, graphic sexual content, murder, torture, physical abuse, verbal abuse, foul language. Author’s Note(s): Both Sakura POV and Gaara POV. Despite the warnings this is actually not as a dark as it sounds, and does in fact have some comedy and romance. There’s some OOC moments, but hey, its fanfiction. (Also have plans for a sequel if well received) (Additional note: Mild dub-con elements in the early section but not a dark story. If you don’t like dark Gaara you may still like this.👍😊💕) [Due to the size (and 10 parts) this story has been merged into 5 parts/posts.]

Prompt chosen: AU, War

Partner: saku-harem

Part 7

The next few days were ridiculous.

Sakura would sleep in his room at night, and when Gaara would leave someone would fetch her to bring her back to that strange bedroom. She would be forced to change into some sort of ridiculous harem attire, and made to sit in one spot for him to return.

Now he was just beginning to expect it, and would immediately come up to 'her room' to bring her back down into his. It was exhausting, and she made sure to complain about it every single day.

Today seemed like she would be going into the same ridiculous routine, leaving her to groan as the door to his room opened.

"Oooh don't you people ever give up?! He doesn't want me staying up there!!" Sakura turned away from the window to stare down whoever was taking her away today, but ended up blinking in surprise.

"Sakura Haruno, yes?" The blonde kunoichi waltzed in like she owned the place, well she technically did. "I require your company today."

Immediately the pinkette flushed, thinking that this beautiful woman, who also happened to be Gaara's sister, desired her for darker reasons.

"What for?" Sakura asked before wringing her hands.

"I'll be prepping you for tonight's festivities." Temari answered, beckoning her to follow as she exited the room. The pinkette rushed to follow after the blonde, wearing only her casual red dress with black shorts. Outside the room she hurriedly slipped on her shoes, and scurried to keep up.

Temari walked at a fast pace, that was for certain. Within a matter of minutes they were already walking down the city streets.

They rounded a corner, surprising Sakura when they were at an entrance to a hidden spa.

"Alright, hurry in. We need you to look classy if you're going to be on Gaara's arm." The blonde pushed at her back, and almost immediately upon entry the women in the shop set to work.

The pinkette was tugged this way and that, her only moments of rest was a mud bath and a relaxing facial. Other than that they roughly exfoliated her skin, put weird things in her hair like mud and oils repeatedly washing and drying her. It was a strange phenomena that she never wished to experience again. They plucked her brows, exfoliated her lips, cleaned her nails, scrubbed her hands and feet with harsh pumice stones, applied paraffin waxes, oils, lotions, potions; you name it and it was done to her.

By the time they applied her small amount of makeup she was exhausted. Temari seemed to be going through similar treatments, but handled it with the grace of a pedigree cat. Sakura was amazed by this woman's resilience.

"So, my brother, what all have you two done together?" The blonde didn't even bother looking at her as she asked the shameless question. The pinkette stumbled for a moment, wincing as her hair was yanked back into an elegant twisted hairstyle.

"I don't kiss and tell--"

"Ah, so you have kissed him. I'm surprised he hasn't killed you yet." Temari was cruel, but Sakura was certain it was merely a defensive act. Something told her that this woman was actually kind.

"He says he likes me enough that he'll protect me like he protects himself. I think that spells out how he feels." The pinkette could play this game, she grew up with Ino after all. It seemed to get the blonde's attention rather quickly.

"If you think you can tame him then think again. Gaara is ruthless--"

"You obviously don’t know him well, because I have experienced a gentleness from him that no other man has ever shown me." Sakura knew that this woman would not hesitate to beat the crap out of her if she felt like it. However, she merely smirked at the pinkette's boldness.

"Sounds like you like him, that's surprising too. Most women are scared shitless of him." The blonde gave a small laugh, completely at peace with the woman behind her yanking her hair into a high spikey bun.

"I'm not most women. I don't fear pain, and I don't fear death. Only humiliation." Sakura brought her eyes forward, and her words seemed to silence the powerful kunoichi sitting next to her.

Once they were finished the were given robes to walk back in, what they were going to do with her clothes she didn't know, Suna was a strange place.

Temari walked side by side with her up the stairs, but when the pinkette went to keep going the blonde yanked her back.

"My room, I have some things for you." Without even the opportunity to argue Sakura was pulled by the wrist into the blonde's elegant bedroom. It was very classy, draped in many fine purple silks and decorated with fans that the pinkette knew had to double as weapons.

Temari disappeared into her closet then came back out with a box of powder, and a velvet box that Sakura could only assume was some sort of jewelry.

"Perfumed powder mixed with diamond dust, it's extremely expensive so don't spill it. Also, this is one of my best bracelets, I hope it will go with whatever the hell you're wearing tonight." The blonde tried to sound tough, but it was obvious that she seemed to be enjoying this a bit too much. The pinkette nodded in thanks while taking the trinkets. "Kankuro brought Gaara with him to pick out corsages, yes this is a very elegant engagement. The annual Suna banquet celebrates the history of our people, and schmoozing up political officials. Don't fuck this up, keep your mouth shut, and just look pretty. That shouldn't be hard for you."

The sneaky compliment Temari threw in did not go unnoticed, and earned a smirk from Sakura.

"I'm a smart girl, I can blend." The pinkette snickered, and surprisingly the blonde laughed a bit before shooing her out of the room.

Now it was time for Sakura to prepare herself for probably one of the strangest nights of her life.

--- ... --- ...

The elegant black and nude dress was on, the black heels with ankle straps being slipped into. She had dusted her collarbone and shoulders with the perfumed sparkling dust, and it made her skin look shimmery, like she didn't belong on this plain. She reddened her lips a bit more, but just enough to look bitten. A wide crystal choker was placed high on her long neck, and the bracelet, which luckily was a diamond one, matched rather well with her choker.

Last but not least she placed a crystal pin in her hair in the shape of a cherry blossom. It went well with the elegant hairstyle. With her bangs brushed to the side she nodded at her appearance. This was probably the most beautiful she would ever look in her life.

She chose not to wear a bra underneath from how skin tight the dress was, and her underwear was the lacey kind that left no indentations. Her whole form looked sleek and fluid, elegant and sexy.

She wandered back out into Gaara's bedroom, not expecting him to be there. When she heard a light sound, like someone opening their mouth to speak she turned her head to see who it was. The redhead was wearing that nice cream suit she had seen in his closet the other day with a sharp red shirt underneath, and a white tie. He seemed completely dumbstruck.

"Cat caught your tongue?" Sakura straightened before jutting out her hip seductively.

Gaara was dumbfounded for a moment, but then quickly shook himself out of his daze. His eyes narrowed dangerously, and he practically slammed the door behind him making her jump.

"Woah, I was just teasing--"

"We're not going." He huffed as he tried to roughly take off his tie, blinking in confusion she closed the distance between them.

"Why? Is something wrong?" The pinkette tried peering into his eyes, but he refused to look at her.

'That's strange...' She studied him, but couldn't find an answer to his strange behavior. Finally he gave an exasperated sigh.

"I don't want anyone seeing you like this--"

"-Oh for heavens sake, Gaara! If you hated the dress why did you agree to buy it?!" When he wouldn't answer she grew frustrated, ripping the tie out of his hands to synch it back up to his neck, then she pulled him by said tie to lean forward. "We are going."

"No, we are not! I can't have every man lusting over you! I'll end up killing everyone in the fucking room!" The redhead sounded legitimately stressed about it, as if what he was saying was the truth. "Those men imagining you in disgusting ways... I can't--!"

"Let them imagine it then, I'm not going home with any of them." Sakura tried not to snicker about it, but her smile still peaked through. She undid his tie finding it had gotten too messed up, and began remaking it.

"Sure, walk around like that. Let every man eye-fuck you while I watch!" Gaara hissed, and as his voice started to rise she hushed him gently back into a calm state.

"Yes, but I'll be on your arm. You'll have the prettiest girl while they have the mediocre ones." She wasn't trying to flatter herself, rather she was trying to make a point that he could show her off, and revel in their jealousy. "Even if I'm wearing rags there will still be men who will desire me just because I'm female. There is no getting around that--"

"If anyone looks at you wrong I will kill them." The redhead huffed stubbornly making her smack at his chest.

"You will not! What is it going to take for you to be okay with this? Do I have to get on my knees, and beg you or something?" The pinkette gave an exasperated sigh before tightening up his tie. She glanced up to see him looking off to the side, trying avidly to avoid her gaze. "Well?!"

"Or something... could you elaborate?" Gaara murmured softly, awkwardly clearing his throat before staring off in a different direction. She blinked at him in disbelief.

Was he trying to get something perverted out of this?! Was she going to have to bargain with him?! She almost couldn't believe it.

Almost being the key word here. She knew that he had that side in him, he just hadn’t utilized it until she had came into his life.

'Fine.' She mused to herself before letting out a sigh of resignation.

"Well, it could be one something... or a few different somethings. Maybe I could let you choose one 'something' you'd like, but you have to show me that you can be a gentleman tonight." She smirked, knowing full well that his mind would probably be racing with possibilities. He licked his lips for a moment before looking down.

"I get to choose?" The redhead spoke shyly above a whisper, it was adorable.

"As long as it's not full penetration, then sure. Whatever you want." His eyes widened at that, and she moved in to swiftly kiss him on the cheek. She teasingly slipped past him, not failing to notice how quickly he turned to follow her as she made her way to the exit.

In a split second he was there, opening the door with the fiercest blush she had ever seen on him. Before she could step through it, however, he shoved something towards her.

It was a corsage of pink roses that matched the color of her hair. She outstretched her one bare wrist, and he tied it down with a stern expression. Once again, he was acting too innocent for his own good.

"It's beautiful, thank you." She admired the flowers attached to her wrist with a smile. He nodded quickly before gently ushering her out of the room.

--- ... --- ...

"I hate these things." Gaara huffed bitterly, walking steadily with her arm linked in his. She gave a small giggle at his expense.

"Don't forget about what we talked about. I want you on your best behavior if you want to get that 'something' tonight." Sakura smirked as she felt him tense under his jacket. They just rounded the corner when they came face to face with the legendary puppet master.

"Oh ho! Did my ears really just hear that--?"

"Shut up, Kankuro." The redhead narrowed his eyes threateningly, forcing the puppet master's smile to disappear.

"Gaara, knock it off." The pinkette warned before turning to Kankuro. "You look nice this evening."

"Heh, in comparison to you I look like road kill--"

Gaara started to growl, receiving a smack to the chest once more from his date.

"Do that again and you get nothing." Sakura glared at him, and while he tried glaring back at her his anger eventually waned.

"Two 'somethings', or no deal." The redhead put it out there so blatantly that it was obvious what he was bargaining for. At first she gaped at him in disbelief, but then finally narrowed her eyes.

"I get to pick the second 'something'--"

"No, I get to choose both--"

"Quit being greedy, you get what you get or you can have nothing. We can turn around right now, and I'll sleep upstairs. Alone." The pinkette was a ruthless haggler, and his eyes blinked in shock over how she was willing not only to deny him 'something' but also take even more away. She was certain that he hadn't taken that into consideration.

"Wow, Gaara, you should take the deal." Kankuro looked between them with interest while the redhead continued to glare daggers at her.

"Three 'somethings', and you can choose two." A small smirk started to form on his mouth, and finally she began to feel relief over the fact that he was becoming playful.

"Deal. Be sure to grab a drink while we're there cause it's going to be a rough night for you." Sakura gave him a teasing smile that had him looking off to the side.

"Likewise." Gaara grinned then, and that's when she was pretty sure she had just sold her soul to the devil.

"So, Sakura... do you have a sister--?"

"The closest thing I have to a sister is already a part of your harem. Try bantering with Ino, she's just as bad if not worse--"

"Really, billboard brow?!" Speak of the devil and she shall appear, Ino walked up with Temari before slipping her arm through Kankuro's. She wore a rather scandalous purple dress that was quite strappy all over.

Sakura couldn't believe it, she never thought that she would see her best friend again, let alone tonight of all nights. The smile that stretched across her face made her cheeks hurt pleasantly.

"Ino-pig!!" The pinkette detached herself from the redhead to throw herself at her best friend. They hugged it out so tightly that the rest of the group didn't know how to feel about it. "I missed you so much!!"

"You too!! Are you okay?! I thought they were going to kill you!" The blonde ran her fingers down her best friend's cheek, checking her over for any marks. Sakura felt a tidal wave of emotion begin to rush through her, but pushed it down in the sake of professionalism.

"I'm fine. They threw me in with this broody fellow over here, and he's actually a huge sweetheart don't let his glare fool you--"

"Sakura." Gaara warned, and it made her giggle for some reason.

"Ooo, yeah you can have the violent ones. I got the goofball--"

"H-hey!" Kankuro huffed at the girls as they erupted into a fanfare of giggles. Suddenly the two best friends linked arms to continue down that hallway, Temari seemed to say nothing about what was happening, but her smirk let on that she was amused.

Gaara growled for a bit as he followed behind them, but Sakura decided to not pay much attention to it. Instead the two girls clucked away over what they had been doing over the past few weeks. When it came to something nitty gritty they would begin whispering to each other, looking back at their dates, then break out into giggles.

The redhead growled a bit louder--

"Hey man, I get that its irritating, but look at it this way. They are two very beautiful girls practically smooshed together, it just takes a little bit of imagination and then--"

"Are you kidding me?!" Ino whipped around to poke Kankuro in the chest. "We don't do that perverted stuff, get your head out of the gutter!"

The redhead blinked owlishly, before noticing that Sakura was slipping her arm back into his. She knew Kankuro originally wanted her to be a part of her harem, now she wondered just what he would have done with her had she actually went along with the other girls.

"Well, now I know what your brother is into." The pinkette gave a scoff before urging the redhead to go forward down the hall. She could hear Ino chewing Kankuro out even as they turned another corner to go down a flight of stairs. It seemed she didn't have to worry about Ino at all, she obviously had the man wrapped around her finger.

‘She seems happy too, I’m glad.’

"What is my brother into, exactly--?"

"I really shouldn't have to spell it out, but I can be nice just this once. Lesbians." She tried to remain serious, but as his face distorted at the thought she nearly snorted with laughter.

"I don't understand. If women only have love for each other, and none for a man, then why would that be attractive? It makes no sense, the man would get nothing out of it." Gaara's naked brows furrowed in confusion as he tried thinking it over.

"I don't know, what would you do if I decided to just go over there and make out with Ino--?"

"I would kill her." His tone was practically murderous, and yet she had to stifle a laugh.

"What if I asked you to join?" Sakura smirked when he went completely silent. His lips formed a thin line while his brow continued to furrow. "Does it make sense now?"

"...I'm not really sure." The redhead tried to focus on something, his knuckle coming up to his mouth to bite at it in deep concentration. He was always so cute when he couldn't quite understand something.

"Have Kankuro explain it then--"

"Explain what now?" The puppet master had jogged to catch back up to them, leaving his enraged date in the dust.

"Gaara needs a crash course on the birds and the bees, especially between women--"

"I do not!! I understand it well enough!! I just don't care!!" Gaara hissed at the both of them, where Kankuro grew a bit nervous the pinkette busted out into laughter.

"Oh whatever! You're such a liar!" She snickered under her hand, watching him just about boil over.

"Does it work both ways?!" The redhead fumed while stopping dead in his tracks. She blinked at him for a moment as it caught her off guard.

"I'm not following--"

"Do women enjoy seeing two men together?! It's not that hard to understand--!"

"Um... I can't really say for myself but some women like it." Sakura bristled when he stepped closer. His haunting eyes had her mind stolen, hypnotized by the darkness that surrounded the ghostly opaque color.

"I want to know what you think about it." Gaara spoke in a low tone, making her hairs stand on edge. Why was he suddenly so interested in this topic?

"I've never seen anything like that, how should I know?!" The pinkette snapped, and surprisingly he straightened with a calm expression setting her at ease.

"Let's find out." The redhead said matter-o-factly. She stared at him incredulously, wondering just what the hell he was talking about--

Then he did the most strangest thing. He leaned over, and kissed his own brother on the mouth. It wasn't a truly intimate kiss, but it was longer than a peck and it was enough to make her shriek.

"GAARA!! What the hell are you doing!?!" Sakura quickly yanked him back towards her, forcing him to break contact with his utterly stunned brother.

"Well? Did it do anything--?"

"Did it do anything?!?! YOU JUST KISSED YOUR BROTHER!!" The pinkette screamed at him, and Kankuro immediately stepped in to try and save the day.

"Hey now! It's okay! No harm done! It's not like we're jacking each other off--"

"Oh my god NO!!" Sakura slammed her hands over her ears before storming away from the two. She chanted gibberish to herself to try and get the image out of her mind.

It took a few minutes to get her head back in the game after that fiasco.

--- ... --- ... ---

"I said I was sorry." Gaara murmured softly to her as they waited to be announced. Apparently everyone needed to be announced before entering the banquet, and she was already on edge from his shenanigans earlier. "I don't see what the issue is, though. It's not like he's female--"

"It's still incest, Gaara. Please don't defend things like that." Sakura groaned, but then stiffened when she heard him chuckle.

"Your face was priceless." The redhead broke out into a genuine grin, taking her breath away with how handsome he was when he smiled.

It was then that the doors opened, and whoever was paying attention on the other side got a good view of his wonderful smile before he quickly turned to stone. With a hardened expression he walked forward, a crowd of well dressed people started clapping from the get go, but then it quickly died down into a strange wave of whispering. He rose a hairless brow at the odd situation.

"That's the first time that's happened." Gaara murmured while he looked around himself curiously, then walked her towards a large table meant for the guests of honor.

"Why are they doing that?" The pinkette looked around too, noticing many eyes were staring at them.

"I've never brought a date to any function. I assume they think I must have snapped or something--"

"Or 'something' indeed." Sakura teased, and got a suggestive glance for her effort.

"Don't tempt me, I will make a scene." His eyes shamelessly sized her up before pulling out her chair. Even though he was teasing her back, the redhead still managed to play a gentlemanly card.

"That sounds like fun, let's get kicked out for fooling around on the buffet table." The pinkette laughed before sitting in her spot. He took a seat next to her, and funnily enough Kankuro was sitting on his other side. They were the last to be announced, thus the last to take their seats.

"Or we could give them all a real heart attack, right now." He gave her a devilish grin that made her wither.

"Please don't kiss your brother again, I swear to god--"

Gaara leaned in quickly, capturing her jawline in his hands before placing a soft kiss on her lips. Before she could say anything a hushed silence fell on the crowd of people in the room, and someone somewhere dropped a glass that happened to shatter loudly.

Kankuro snickered behind his hand, and it was irksome enough for Gaara to pull away to glare at him.

"Why are you laughing?" Even though the redhead was trying his best to be intimidating the puppet master couldn't contain his giggles.

"You didn't wipe your mouth first. She just got an indirect kiss from me-- OW!!" Kankuro winced as he recieved a hard punch to the shoulder. "Hey man, it was a joke!"

"Not a funny one, you should work on your punchlines." At first it sounded like a normal response, but when Sakura looked deeper into it she nearly squealed. The two boys looked at her suspiciously before she broke out into giggles.

"You made a pun! 'Punch' lines! Get it?" The pinkette clapped her hands giddily, enjoying the fact that sometimes the redhead could act like a normal person. It wasn't long before Kankuro started chuckling too, yet all they could get out of Gaara was a smirk.

The night started off strangely, what with everyone freaking out and staring at them, but then a few boring speeches were made. Certain council members gave these droll monologues that made not only her yawn, but Gaara too. She was beginning to understand why he hated these things.

Next there was dinner, and it was very delicious with several of Suna's signature dishes. Gaara got his own plate of what looked like a cooked tongue. She shivered at the thought, but he seemed to be excited about it. She happily had the chicken.

Desert was surprisingly cake with ice cream, and while she giggled at the thought of a children's birthday party the rest of the table raised their brows at her. Except Ino, she knew why it was funny.

All that was left was essentially drinking, and dancing. A few men had actually come up to ask her for a dance, but had left with their tails between their legs when Gaara would answer for her; in his most threatening tone possible.

They stood there, wine in hand, watching everyone else twirl on the floor. She sighed wishing she could do the same.

"What's wrong?" The redhead queried, leaning against the wall looking like a complete punk with a bad attitude.

"I want to dance." The pinkette huffed before giving him a pair of classic puppy eyes. His face actually started to look like his heart was breaking a little bit.

"I don't know how." He flushed lightly at his admission, and she gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I see..." Sakura stared back out at the crowd, watching them twirl to the beat of the music.

"Wait here." Gaara suddenly walked past her, leaving her alone on the wall. He left the room completely, which worried her a little bit.

"Well, I guess I'll just stand here--"

"I'm shocked that Lord Gaara has brought such a beautiful flower with him tonight, one that should be dancing rather than standing against the wall." One of the younger council members, still in his mid thirties however, approached her while holding out his hand to shake.

"Hojo, it's a pleasure, miss?" He waited for her to respond, and finally she kicked into gear.

"Sakura." The pinkette smiled handing him her hand, to which he surprisingly kissed the top rather than shaking it. It made her instantly nervous.

"Lord Gaara must be smitten with you--"

"Yes, he really is." Sakura decided to press that point, hoping that this man would back off. Yet his eyes drank in her appearance in a way that she would deem as inappropriate.

"You're not native, I see. It shows in your hair." Hojo grinned, his dark locks swaying into his eyes. Something about this man made her uneasy, and it wasn't just the perverted way he looked at her. She had met many perverts that she still felt comfortable around.

This man, Hojo, was clearly a cunning person who killed with slow acting poisons rather than with knives.

"I'm from Konoha." She finally answered truthfully, and got a strange expression in return.

"Oh, I see. That's why he likes you." The councilman's face cracked with a dark laugh making every hair raise on her body in alert. "Makes perfect sense why you were able to tame him--"

"Caring for one another does not make us a beast, and tamer. You would do well to watch what you say, and not just because I'm Gaara's date either." The pinkette threatened, letting him know that she could be just as dangerous as some of the other ninja here. However, she merely received another laugh discrediting her.

"Konoha women, so spirited. In more ways than one--" He went to stroke her hand, but was quickly intercepted by a very protective big brother.

'Oh thank god--'

"If you don't want to die tonight you'll back off, do you understand? Gaara will kill you if he sees you touching her." Kankuro grabbed Hojo's arm, and the man wiggled his fingers in surrender. Like this was just a game to him.

"I'm merely playing, I wouldn't dream of touching the jinchuriki's concubine-- er sorry, forgive me, his 'mate'." The middle age man sized her up before turning away to talk to other guests. A few people were watching curiously, probably wondering what the hostility was about.

"Fucking bastard." Kankuro nearly spat, but Sakura shook her head.

"Don't tell Gaara about this, it will ruin his night." The pinkette looked back out onto the floor wondering where he had even gone off to. In a matter of seconds of him leaving she had become shark bait.

They were already trying to use her to get to Gaara, it disgusted her.

"It's no problem, I just know if Gaara starts a fight it'll be really bad. Not only for him, but for you as well. Sometimes he just rushes in just because he knows he can, and that he is strong enough to get away with murder... literally--" Kankuro looked pale at the thought, but she really couldn't blame him after having to deal with the redhead's odd behaviors. In the beginning he was a ranting lunatic, but he seemed to have mellowed out since she started giving him the attention he needed.

It made her smile, knowing that she could make a huge difference for someone.

"Back, let's go." Out of nowhere Gaara appeared, not stopping as he made a beeline for the dance floor snatching up her arm on the way there. She stumbled after him, trying to balance on her heels as he forced her to powerwalk.

"Gaara, where did you go?" Sakura asked, but was quickly distracted when they got to the dance floor. He turned abruptly attempting to put his hands on her, but instead furrowed his brow in thought. "Start with the waist, we can just sway if you want."

"Rrrright." The redhead's speech sounded off, something wasn't right here, but he managed to put his hands on her waist... then let them slip down to her hips. She gave an exasperated sigh, wrapping her arms around his neck.

That's when she smelled just a hint of alcohol--

"Oh no, you didn't do what I think you did, did you?" The pinkette suddenly felt extremely worried, she had no clue what kind of drunk he was, and now she was stuck in a very precarious situation.

"Ha! That's a weird sentence!" The redhead gave her a funny kind of smile, and her point was proven.

"Oh my god, oh no. Oh nooo--" Sakura started to panic.

"Whassup?" Gaara tried tilting his head to see her more clearly... even though they were literally inches away from each other.

"What kind of drunk are you? Happy? Sad? Murderous?" The pinkette bit her lip in concern, watching him tilt his head to the other side.

"I dunno... never drank like this soooo, guess we'll find out!" The redhead laughed genuinely, practically like a normal person. He seemed relaxed, casual, but still a bit drunk.

Okay, maybe this could turn out for the better. He could seem more sociable--

"Heeey... did I tell you that you're really gorgeous?" While Gaara had attempted a whisper it was still loud enough for a few couples to hear. Sakura almost grimaced, but stopped herself as she knew that he was honestly trying to compliment her. She forced a small laugh for his comfort.

"You're not so bad yourself. You clean up nice--"

"Woah now! I know you want my body, but we should take things slooow." The redhead snickered before growing a bit more ballsy, and started to nearly waltz. She kept up with him, but still kept her eyes sharp watching for sharks in the water.

"Yes, you know me so well." Sakura rolled her eyes, but still carried a smile for him. She was surprised at how well he could dance now.

"I do! I know you better than anybody--"

"Oh really?" She played into his game, getting the biggest grin she had ever seen on his face.

"Yup, I know what you look like naked--"

"SSH! Gaara!" Although she smacked his chest she couldn't help but snort at his comment. With a laugh he twirled her outward, then pulled her back into his embrace rather hypnotically. It made her dizzy for many reasons.

"Good thing we already did stuff cause you're in trouble, pretty lady." He was clearly teasing at first, but then his eyes truly focused on her. "You're in a lot of trouble... big trouble..."

"Are you playing the hero then? Am I the damsel in distress?" With another giggle the pinkette was spun outward, then with greater force pulled back in. His eye's were so focused on her own that it seemed like he was thinking they were alone in this room full of people.

"Not a hero... I want to be the villain." Gaara purred softly, and as she blinked owlishly at him he leaned in to whisper in her ear. "I'll tie you up... and make you scream for mercy..."

Her heart started pounding wildly, her cheeks inflamed at the thought.

Sakura thought of pushing away, thinking that perhaps someone might have heard him say that to her, but everyone just continued dancing like nothing happened.

"Eeeh... you're blushing. Hehe..." Gaara snickered, and for his boyish behavior she smacked him lightly on the shoulder. "I don't want that expression to go away."

"Since when did you become such a pervert--?"

"That day when we were running and you got attacked, I licked a cut on your leg... and you blushed just like this-" His hand came up to trace his thumb over her cheekbone, the action made her tremble. "-I want to do that tonight--"

"Gaara, stop saying things like that in public." She tried to warn him, but it only made him grin devilishly.

"Why? Afraid someone might hear me? Hear about how I'm going to strip you down later--?"

"Gaara!" Sakura hissed at him, and he raised a devious brow at her. He went to speak, but she immediately hushed him. "Say one more word about it, and I will start taking back the 'somethings'."

He blinked at that, and then surprisingly gave a bitter expression.

"Fine. Take them. I don't care--" The redhead huffed stubbornly, she almost couldn't believe the instant change.

"Really? You're going to throw a fit right here?" The pinkette groaned with frustration, and then pulled away from him.

"Hello, may I cut in?" A different council member approached them with enough balls to ask Sakura for a dance. While she was prepared for Gaara to tell the man 'no' he actually continued to glare at her.

"I don't care anymore. Dance with her, she enjoys being a people pleaser--"

"Gaara!" The pinkette blinked at him in disbelief, and he merely shrugged.

"I'll see you later, I'm going for a walk." The redhead turned his back on her quickly, and her stomach dropped. The older man grinned expectantly at her, holding his arms out for a dance. She turned to call out for Gaara but he was already gone in a cloud of sand.

She was alone... stuck with the wolves while she was nothing but a lamb to them.

Sakura moved in to dance, trying to play off confidence as this older man spun her around like a rag doll.

"Hojo told me good things about you, I just had to see for myself--"

"Did he now?" The pinkette went apathetic, acting as if that man didn't scare her.

"He did, you're an ex-leaf kunoichi aren't you? You certainly are high strung like one--" The older man was despicable straight out of the gate, and it took everything in her power not to stamp on his feet.

"I wouldn't say 'high strung', we just know our worth." Sakura hissed bitterly as she glared daggers at the man, his smile turned into a evil smirk.

"Yes. Now that's a look I wouldn't mind changing. When Gaara is finally through with your outrageous antics I'll have the guards send you my way. I know just what to do with that pouting mouth of yours, leaf slut." The councilman chuckled darkly, and she balked at his disgusting behavior. Not being able to stand it any longer she tried breaking free of his grasp, but he held on rather tightly. "Don't make a scene, my dear. It will reflect badly on your owner--"

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" The pinkette spat venomously at him, but it only made him laugh more.

She felt trapped in more ways then one. She needed to get away from these people. This was turning out to be a very frightening evening.

"You know what? I think a few of my colleagues would enjoy your company as well, you obviously must have some sort of 'charms' going for you, otherwise Lord Gaara would never keep one of your kind--"

"For the second time today I have to tell one of you assholes to get the hell away from Sakura." Kankuro appeared at her side, gripping at the councilman's shoulder with hands itching to kill. She had never felt so relieved in her life, in fact she instantaneously thanked him for it. The older man narrowed his eyes, clearly offended.

"I'm not done with her--"

"Not your choice, you gross old lech. I overheard what you fucking said. You're a nasty old pervert, and you should be ashamed of yourself." The puppet master gave the councilman a hard shove, getting complete disbelief out of the man.

"How dare you, Kankuro!? Dishonoring your village for some worthless leaf whore--!!"

The crack that resounded around the room was loud, and sickly, but it made the pinkette so happy she could cry for joy. Kankuro hit the older man so hard that she was almost one hundred percent certain she heard his jaw break. The councilman dropped so fast that he looked like a sack of meat falling to the floor, and Kankuro was practically steaming he was so pissed.

Alright, the puppet master definitely deserved an award for best gentleman of the night.

"Kankuro!? What are you doing!?!" Temari stormed over to her brother, and opened her mouth to scold him up and down. He stopped her before she could even start.

"I'm getting Sakura out of here, that's what I'm fucking doing. No wonder Gaara was pissy about being here tonight, even the council is filled with disgusting old fucks--!"

"Kankuro!" Temari warned, but he shook his head angrily.

"Nope. I'm done. I'm taking her to a safe place. Fuck'em." Kankuro snatched up the pinkette's arm, tugging her after him in a rough way. She stumbled a bit, but she knew he was just urgently wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

"What about me?!" Ino shouted after him, and he groaned.

"Have Temari bring you back!" The puppet master shouted, and threw open the main doors to the ballroom dramatically as they made their exit.

Her heels were clicking against stone double time in comparison to his dress shoes, his gate was much longer as well so she had to nearly run to keep up.

The halls around the area doubled as walkways around the courtyards, the night air was dry and cool under a bright silver moon. Had she been with someone else, she would have found it romantic.

"Let's stop here for a minute." Kankuro guided her to a stone bench, and practically forced her to sit down. She followed his demands, and rested for the time being. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you--?"

"No! No... it was just unnerving is all. Embarrassing..." Sakura looked out into the night, she was beginning to feel shittier by the second. "I hate this place. No offense, but I hate your people too. They are savages."

Her words were cruel, but at this point she just didn't care anymore. She wished she could just leave.

"We're not all like that, but I can understand why you'd think it. Since we took over Konoha our people have grown cocky. They forget what it was like to be honorable, and instead revel in the fortunes of war." The puppet master sat next to her with his hands on his knees, his fingers tapped away like they had strings attached to them.

"They're misguided, I want to change that. However, the 'council' deems me to be unsuitable for the title of Kazekage. They don't think I'm strong enough, they want someone like Gaara to do it."

"Why won't he?" The pinkette pressed, and the man next to her laughed.

"It's not that he won't, it's just that they don't think he's perfect for the job either. Gaara is violent, selfish, and unmerciful. While he could get us far just by riding his coat tails it would only make for more wars, and he would not hesitate to kill his own people--"

"He's not like that anymore! He's making great changes-!!" Sakura tried arguing, but Kankuro hushed her.

"Do you really believe that? What do you think he does when you're not around, hmm? Do you think he just sits on his ass, eating a lollipop?" The puppet master grew a bit angry over the topic, and she could tell that it had been bothering him for a while. "I bet he's maiming someone right this very second--!"

"Just because he stormed off doesn't mean he's going to kill someone. The only threat I heard from him tonight was that he would kill anyone who came on to me. To be honest you should be happy he left, otherwise he would have killed two council members--"

"He gave you away to one." Kankuro said lowly, and it seemed that he had been there to witness the whole entire exchange.

"Gaara didn't know that those men were going at my throat, and he doesn't need to know either--!" She was about to tear him a new one when low and behold Gaara walked up the steps from the courtyard.

'Uh oh...'

"I just love it when people talk behind my back, especially the ones I favor most." The redhead's eyes were glowing, but with what emotion remained unclear. It were as if he were perfectly calm, laying in wait like a silent panther. Yet there was something off about him.

"You deserve it." The puppet master huffed, and she watched as Gaara's head turned painfully slow in his direction. The moon glinting strangely off his eyes.

"Excuse me--?"

"You heard me, you ignorant bastard." Kankuro looked him dead in the eye without a single trace of fear. The redhead seemed to smirk at this.

"You're not afraid of me." Gaara seemed amused while his brother violently shook his head.

"No, I am done with your bullshit." The puppet master hissed before standing, storming over to him with the intent to harm. Before she knew what she was doing she put herself between them.

"It's not his fault, Kankuro! He didn't know!" Sakura suddenly started to yell, as if it would defend the man behind her more.

"I didn't know what, Sakura?" The redhead's humor left him instantly, chilling the air with his aura while also heating it with the sound of her name. She couldn't open her mouth, she didn't want him to be angry...

"Well, for starters, that guy Hojo cornered her at one point to creep on her. Then when your ass decided to ditch you left her in the hands of that old guy Hebiki, who might I add called her a 'leaf whore'--"

"Kankuro, that's enough!" The pinkette tried putting her hands over his mouth, but Kankuro quickly pushed them away.

"He said that once you were done with her he'd have the guards send her his way, so that him and the rest of the council can do whatever the fuck they want to her--!!"

"ENOUGH!!!" Sakura screamed at him, at first gaining a glare of betrayal from the puppet master, but his face quickly changed when he saw her begin to crack. "I didn't want... I didn't want him to know..."

She quickly tried to conceal a tear by wiping her cheek with the back of her hand, but another just fell forward to replace it.

"I'm going to bed... I don't want to talk about this anymore." The pinkette couldn't look the redhead in the face, she felt so embarrassed over the whole thing. Instead she merely began making her way back to the main building.

The two she left behind began talking normally to each other, and she was grateful that at least her outburst had now kept them from fighting.

--------- …………… ----------- …………..

Gaara hadn't planned for something like this to happen. If anything he actually had high hopes that the night would end well, but of course his rotten luck would have it turn sour.

'Perhaps I really did get bad luck when I broke that mirror--'

"So, are you going to kill them? If you do, you know the rest of the village will be in an uproar." Kankuro spoke, still a bit bitter over the events of the evening.

The redhead couldn't say anything, he was at a loss for words. He had left her all alone with the very men that he knew had it out for her. He was a failure as a mate, and his shame was beginning to make him immobile.

"Are you fucking listening to me--?"

"Yes. I'm sorry." Gaara blurted out before walking dejectedly over to the railing to look out into the night.

His vision was a bit off, still woozy from the alcohol he had snatched from one of the more drunken guests. Luckily for him the alcohol seemed to metabolize fast due to the fact that he was a jinchuriki.

He remembered leaving Sakura in able to go find the 'liquid courage'. No, he had never truly gotten drunk before, but from what alcohol he had in the past he knew that people always thought of him to be friendlier with a drink.

Surprise-surprise, Gaara was a giddy drunk.

At any rate he knew that people did ridiculous things when under the influence, so he thought he would use that to his advantage.

Turns out that he's a bit more than 'happy' with half a bottle of hard liquor. For some reason he turned into a rather forward flirt. He knew he had been hitting on her when he had returned to Sakura's side, but literally half the conversation was a blur.

The redhead did remember her shooting him down, and the bitterness that came with it especially after they had made plans for 'private' activities later. It had left him for a complete loop.

Then he did something extremely stupid, he left her with the very crowd he hated most.

'I'm such an idiot.' Gaara shamed himself with a sigh, noting his brother now was on the approach.

"You said to them that if they disrespected her that you would torture them. To be honest I think you should act on that promise." The puppet master leaned with him against the balcony, looking out at the same night sky. "Teach them a lesson, and then go apologize to Sakura."

Silence fell again at the sound of her name. The redhead felt like burying himself in a hole out of guilt.

"You made her cry--"

"I fucking know that!!" Gaara surprised himself with his own outburst. He had never felt so guilty before, nor had he ever cared about someone else's wellbeing in such a way. His chest was starting to hurt. "Will she feel better... will she smile again?"

The redhead had meant to keep such questions to himself, but he felt that his mind was becoming more and more scattered every day.

"Just go beat those idiots up, and then apologize to her. If she starts turning her attitude around then seize the moment, and do something you know she'll love." Kankuro patted his younger brother on the shoulder, but something about it felt off. He felt tense.

The inkling had been there for a long time. From the first moment the puppet master had mentioned taking her, to him always questioning about her, even tonight with his gallant 'rescue'.

Gaara had heard them, he had been out in the courtyard practically underneath them at the foot on the large staircase.

He had heard his brother's anger, his malice towards the younger for his selfish behavior. However, had it been a different woman the redhead knew that Kankuro would have acted differently. He wouldn't have given a single shit about any other female...

But Sakura... she was special, and he knew that there was a jealousy there that bubbled under the surface.

"You like her, don't you?" Gaara murmured softly, and while he didn't want to know the answer he knew he had to know it anyways.

It went quiet, nothing but the breeze was heard between them for what seemed like an eternity. Finally Kankuro shifted, and cleared his throat.

"She belongs to you, not me--" His older brother dodged the question, making it painfully obvious how he truly felt on the matter.

"I'm not talking about that. Do you love her?" The redhead pressed, and the silence that followed was palpable.

He didn't want to know, but he had to know. She was important to him, as was his own brother. Gaara had never felt so torn in his entire life--

"I don't know her that well to answer such a question, but I'm sure if she had came to me instead of you I would have fallen head over heels... but...." Kankuro gave a pitiful laugh before shaking his head.

"...I may like her, but you love her, so I will only ever further your relationship with her. You don't have to be concerned about me sabotaging anything. You are my brother... I could never do that to you."

Gaara felt his brother's words wash over him, dousing the redhead with a wave of care that awakened him. Kankuro was his brother, and he knew he could trust him regardless of his feelings for the pinkette.

For some reason it felt like so many peaceful doors opened up in his mind. There were so many thoughts... good thoughts.

"I trust you." Gaara murmured, not failing to notice how his older brother tensed up completely.

'I've... never said those words before in my life... he must know this too.'

"Heh, well then I guess I'm going with you to kick some council ass. Someone has got to watch your back!" The puppet master gave a hearty laugh.

Yes, this was an alliance that the redhead had truly needed. For once he felt grateful to have an older brother.

--- ... ---

"I told you all what would happen, yet you chose to ignore my warnings. Why is that?" Gaara purred at Hojo, reveling in the man's fear as he was held captive in a coffin of sand. "It's almost as if you had asked me to kill you outright--"

"NO PLEASE!!" The middle aged man shrieked, squirming in his sand entrapment. It pleased the redhead to no end, the man who had made his mate feel uncomfortable was about to receive that feeling tenfold.

Gaara reared his dominant hand back, and pushed it faster than his sand could follow. He was able to strike the man in the cheekbone with a bare fist, and even though it stung it was just as equally satisfying.

Hojo groaned with confusion, but before he could collect himself the redhead struck again, and again, and again.

The sand was trying to keep up, but wasn't fast enough. Every bare fist connected beautifully as he beat this horrid man in the face--

"Woah woah!" Kankuro stepped in then, grabbing at the pummeling arm to hold it back from laying down another strike. "Hey, I know it's great getting revenge, but if you kill him it'll be your head on the chopping block--"

"Just one more--" Gaara argued, but the puppet master shook his head.

"Gaara... he's already unconscious." The older brother pointed to the limp person within the redhead's sand, and sure enough Hojo was out for the count.

'Damn.' Gaara inwardly cursed, wanting nothing more than to continue punching the guy until he felt better. However, he had to admit that his knuckles were definitely going to bruise after this.

He loosened the sand, and watched as Hojo fell unceremoniously to the ground in a heap.

"Alright, who's next?" The redhead cracked his neck, and then his knuckles before shaking them out.

"Hebiki is unconscious too, remember? I handled that one--"

"Well, I'll just break his legs then..." Gaara snickered for a moment, but his face dropped when he saw a strange look on his brother's features. "What?"

"Dude, it's done. Go take care of your girl." Kankuro frowned for a moment, but then a sly smirk graced his face. "Fine, if you want to go pummel some faces be my guest. I'll go visit Sakura, and make sure she's okay."

"No, you will not." The redhead barked at his brother, getting a snicker in return.

"I specifically remember you telling me how to handle my women, that I needed a firm hand?" The puppet master grinned ear to ear, making the younger brother uneasy. "Well, right now Sakura needs a 'gentle' hand. Maybe a nice massage, and a steamy bubble bath--"

"Is that what you want written on your tombstone?" Gaara glared with every fiber of his being, but didn't expect the bellowing laughter that followed.

"I'm joking! Get a grip, man! I'm not going to fuck your girl, but you need to step up. I've never seen a woman look so god damn stunning, and your standing here looking for a fight rather than doing her proper! You need to get those priorities straight before she finds 'comfort' somewhere else." Kankuro scolded him thoroughly. The redhead went completely dumb, he knew his brother was right, but he was so pissed that he didn't want to admit it.

"Gaara, go find Sakura! Fucking hell--!"

"Alright!!! I'm going!!" Gaara barked ferociously before beginning his trek towards the living quarters. He heard Kankuro shout a few lewd well wishes, but it didn't soften his stomping feet as he moved angrily through the halls.

--- ... --- ... ---

She wasn't in his room, and that was a bad sign.

Gaara thought about leaving her to her own devices for the night, but then again he knew he had to make things right as soon as possible. With a groan he made his way to the harem room, but didn't bother knocking on the door before entering.

The room was empty, but her dress was on the floor. In fact, all of her beautiful items were strewn everywhere, most likely in a fit of anger.

A bubbling sound caught his attention, and he saw that the stone bath had been filled to the brim with hot water. Sakura was at the bottom of the tub, eyes shut tight as she let the air escape from her lungs.

He waited for her to come back up, but then noticed that she seemed to be making it a game to practically drown herself.

He reached in, unceremoniously grabbing her from both sides to yank her to the surface. She jolted, gasping for air as she struck him hard in the chest like an enraged feline.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" She screamed with every strike, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Stop acting like a fool, and I will!" Gaara seethed, tightening his grip around her until she finally calmed. He eventually let her go with a sigh, and watched mournfully as she sank back down to shoulder level.

"What do you want? I'm busy--" Her tone was not appreciative.

"Sorry to take you away from your 'drowning', but I want you to know that those men will not approach you again." The redhead huffed stubbornly. She whipped around, wiping her vision of water while looking him over. She seemed almost confused by his appearance.

'She's expecting blood...' He finally guessed.

"I talked to them, isn't that a surprise?"

The pinkette's mouth hung open slightly, completely shocked by his testimony. However, he wasn't being completely honest.

"Alright, I threatened a little bit... well... okay more than threatened--"

"Gaara." Sakura spoke in a warning tone, forcing him to look off to the side shamefully to avoid her judging eyes. "Did you torture them?"

"Torture is a strong word, more like 'physically pressured'..." Gaara broke into a small smile for a moment, but then cleared his throat when he caught her glaring. "I didn't mangle them, and you can blame Kankuro for Hebiki's broken jaw."

She didn't seem amused, and he found himself scrambling.

"Just know that I took care of it, and if it happens again they know full well that I will come to kill them. I made that fact more than crystal clear." The redhead sighed as he sat on the edge of the tub. She was still glaring at him, as if expecting him to say something else...

'What does she want--?'

"Do you regret leaving me?" Sakura murmured softly as she brought her wet knees to her chin. Her words finally hit him, and he realized that he had forgotten something crucial.

"Yes, but I also wish that you could have relaxed a bit on the dance floor..." Gaara huffed stubbornly, but regretted it as soon as her face soured.

"Gaara, there were more than a few eyes as well as ears on us. I had to be careful--"

"They already assume that we've gone all the way, why does it even matter--?!"

"Because they think I'm your whore! Not your girlfriend, mate, partner, whatever you like to call it... they think that I am your... sex slave." The pinkette sighed, turning on the hot water faucet. While her words stung, he could also see now why she would be hesitant, but she also hated these people so why should it matter?

"Who cares what they think?! They are all useless wastes of space! Meaningless in the grand scheme of things! All that matters is how I feel for you!" The redhead started to argue vehemently, but never rose up from his spot on the edge of the basin.

"And how do you feel about me, Gaara? Do you love me?" The pinkette stared at the water, shocking him to the point where he couldn't respond right away.

'What am I to say to that?! "Yes, I love you. Please, be mine?" I can't say that to her!!' His mind was running a million miles per minute, and he felt every muscle in his body clench as he finally found some word vomit to spew at her.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to." Gaara huffed, looking away from her with a small flush. Then he heard the water shift, and two wet arms wrapped around his center as she molded herself to his back.

'Just say it. "I love you." It's not that difficult--!'

"You're getting me wet..." The redhead huffed, and inwardly slapped himself for his stupidity.

Suddenly he felt a great pull from her, and his whole world turned as she pulled him into the hot water. His whole body was able to go under, and for a second he flailed splashing water everywhere.

Finally he came back up to the surface with a snarl. It scared her enough to squeal, and attempt flight, but his reflexes were quick enough to snatch up her ankle to yank her back under the water.

They wrestled, fought, pushed and pulled until the bath turned into a stormy ocean. Somehow he was underneath her, wondering why she was sitting on his waist before she slammed his shoulders against the edge of the bath in frustration.

"Apologize!!!" Sakura barked. He bared his teeth at her in response, causing her fist to yank at his red hair. Pulling his head back painfully he gave a harsh groan of discomfort, but something about it was strangely erotic. He was beginning to like how her dominance felt.

"Say you're sorry!! For everything that happened!! For leaving me! For... not being nice to me..."

Her hand finally relaxed, and she leaned in next to him to rest her head on the side of the tub. He reached for the tap, turning it off with a long sigh of resignation. He knew he was going to have to humble himself to make this right again.

They remained silent until the water was finally still.

"Sakura... I'm sorry..." Gaara murmured softly before his head dipped into the crook of her neck. His arms wrapped around her possessively as he nuzzled against her. Her naked form felt so soft under his gripping hands. "I'm sorry. I've been too... neurotic. My desires have turned me into a shameful man..."

The redhead adjusted himself into a more proper sitting position, her body slid down until she was nestled sweetly in his lap. Her form felt small in his arms, almost breakable. Like he could snap her if he truly wanted to.

Only he didn't want to kill her, if anything he wished that all barriers between them would disappear. Had he just stripped down before all of this they could have been in a perfectly precarious situation.

Well... they still could be.

The pinkette pulled away to look at him in the face, and the hard blush that hit her cheeks was flattering as well as telling.

"While I do apologize for it, can you really blame me for wanting you? I've tasted you... touched you... I've become greedy for it, and you keep so much to yourself." Gaara's hands gripped at her bottom, and he pulled hard on her hips to grind with her. A small gasp escaped her, and it left him wanting more.

His desire finally reached a tipping point, it left him licking his lips before purring gently.

"I want to be inside you... I want to feel you around me."

Part 8

Sakura sank into the giant stone bathtub, she had no desire to stay in Gaara's room tonight so she went to the one room she hated most. Thankfully she brought her own clothes this time.

The pinkette sat in the water for a long while, and had already washed her hair. At the moment she only had conditioner sitting on it, but with a hard sigh she dunked her head under the surface. Her eyes clenching tight as she sunk to the bottom of the deep bath.

She held her breath for as long as possible, and even after she released it she continued to stay under for an even longer time. She already felt a bit dizzy, and wondered if it would be okay if she just drowned--

Something reached in, grabbing her from both sides to yank her to the surface. Once above, she inhaled with a sharp gasp before hitting the assailant repeatedly in the chest.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!" She screamed with every strike, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Stop acting like a fool, and I will!" The rasped voice barked, and she didn't have to hear him speak twice to know it was Gaara.

Of course, who else could it be? He could never leave her alone to bathe.

"What do you want? I'm busy--"

"Sorry to take you away from your 'drowning', but I want you to know that those men will not approach you again." As that sentence sunk in she feared for the worst. She wiped her vision of water, expecting to see him covered in blood, but there was none to be found. He had lost the jacket and tie, and his knuckles seemed to be raw from hitting something. Other than that there was no carnage. "I talked to them, isn't that a surprise?"

The pinkette's mouth hung open slightly, completely shocked that he just admitted to not murdering in her name.

"Alright, I threatened a little bit... well... okay more than threatened--"

"Gaara." Sakura spoke in a warning tone, forcing him to look off to the side shamefully. "Did you torture them?"

"Torture is a strong word, more like 'physically pressured'..." Gaara broke into a small smile for a moment, but then cleared his throat when he caught her glaring. "I didn't mangle them, and you can blame Kankuro for Hebiki's broken jaw."

She waited in silence, anticipating an apology or a confession. His expression flittered a few times before continuing.

"Just know that I took care of it, and if it happens again they know full well that I will come to kill them. I made that fact more than crystal clear." The redhead sighed as he sat on the edge of the tub. She could tell that an apology was on the tip of his tongue, but his pride was preventing him from saying it.

"Do you regret leaving me?" Sakura murmured softly as she brought her wet knees to her chin. She hugged her legs for self comfort, yet it still didn't do much to ease her.

"Yes, but I also wish that you could have relaxed a bit on the dance floor..." Gaara huffed stubbornly, and it made her frustration skyrocket once more.

"Gaara, there were more than a few eyes as well as ears on us. I had to be careful--"

"They already assume that we've gone all the way, why does it even matter--?!"

"Because they think I'm your whore! Not your girlfriend, mate, partner, whatever you like to call it... they think that I am your... sex slave." The pinkette sighed, turning on the hot water faucet for extra added heat. The temperature was almost blistering already, but she was still feeling cold.

"Who cares what they think?! They are all useless wastes of space! Meaningless in the grand scheme of things! All that matters is how I feel for you!" The redhead started to argue vehemently, but never rose up from his spot on the edge of the basin.

"And how do you feel about me, Gaara? Do you love me?" The pinkette questioned him.

Why was she asking that, and why did it seem so sad coming from her lips? Perhaps she wished that he did, and that would be at least one person who truly loved her like she always wanted. Someone who wasn't already dead, or had left her behind.

Sakura wanted to be loved, but all of her relationships, even with friends and family, ended up failing in some way.

"Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answer to." Gaara huffed, looking away from her with a small flush.

She was done with this. This weird dance with him was driving her insane. She reached up, hugging him around the waist feeling him tense.

She just needed to be comforted, she needed to feel close to someone. The desperation was there, and it was glaring.

"You're getting me wet..." The redhead turned his head further to huff, and she felt something snap inside her. With every ounce of her strength she yanked him into the large bath. His whole body was able to go under, and for a second he flailed splashing water everywhere.

He turned around while snarling at her like a vicious dog while she practically jumped out of the water. She squeaked when his hands dove under, pulling at her ankle until she was submerged.

Sakura splashed around, coughing and breathing fresh air as soon as she was able. Her fingers latched onto his wet shirt, tugging it away from his skin in able to regain balance. He started to snicker, and in another wave of anger she kicked at his legs, sweeping him back under the hot water.

The bath had turned into a wave pool, splashing out over the floor while more water was still being poured in by the faucet. Some how she got him completely under her, and she slammed him by the shoulders against the wall of the basin while she sat on his waist.

"Apologize!!!" Sakura barked, and when he bared his teeth at her she fisted her hand in his hair. Yanking his head back painfully he gave a harsh groan of discomfort. "Say you're sorry!! For everything that happened!! For leaving me! For... not being nice to me..."

Her hand relaxed, and her head rested next to his. She felt the coolness of the stone basin on her forehead, while his abdominal muscles seemed to tense under her thighs. She felt him reach for the tap, turning it off with a long sigh.

They remained silent until the water was finally still.

"Sakura... I'm sorry..." Gaara murmured softly before his head dipped into the crook of her neck. His arms wrapped around her possessively as he nuzzled against her. "I'm sorry. I've been too... neurotic. My desires have turned me into a shameful man..."

The redhead adjusted himself into a more proper sitting position, the water coming up just under their chests. Her body slid down him naturally, and she found herself quickly seated in his lap.

The pinkette pulled away from him to gauge his thoughts, and was shocked by the intense gaze he gave her. While his eyes were surrounded by darkness she could now see the water dripping sinfully off his lashes. His red hair sticking to his forehead in a piecey mess. He looked far too sultry to be real.

"While I do apologize for it, can you really blame me for wanting you? I've tasted you... touched you... I've become greedy for it, and you keep so much to yourself." Gaara's hands gripped at her bottom, and he pressed down hard in able to get her to rock against him. A small gasp escaped her lips, and she watched carefully as his eyes grew lidded. "I want to be inside you... I want to feel you around me--"

"Gaara, no. I'm not ready for that..." Sakura tried turning away from him, but one hand turned her chin while the other wrapped around her waist. His hips rose up to meet hers again, gaining a soft groan from both of them.

"I know that, but it doesn't stop me from thinking about it." The redhead panted, his fingers gliding along the skin of her throat. He wrapped his hand around it gently, rubbing her jugular with his thumb. "Every day... I think about it. I try to imagine what it would feel like to be inside you, pleasuring you--"

"Stop this." The pinkette batted his hand away, but he pressed her hips down hard as he lifted his own. She shook violently, and gave a true moan while he looked on in wonder.

"That sound, make it again... I want to hear you beg for me." Gaara held onto her tightly, grinding against her. His mouth went in to suck at her neck, and it had her so overwhelmed that her voice went up in pitch.

Sakura could feel how hard he was through his pants, and how his muscles would tense every time he moved. She wanted to feel them directly under her fingertips.

Her hands traveled to his shirt, plucking each button one by one on the way down to reveal his smooth wet chest. There was no netting this time, just silky pale skin that was hot to the touch. He broke away from her to watch as she finished undoing his shirt, his eyes glazed over with an emotion that she knew all too well.

"You're so beautiful..." Water dripped hypnotically from his lips as he nearly whispered. The redhead's unfocused eyes devoured her nudity, but it seemed that just grinding against her was not enough to quench his thirst. "Let me have you... please--"

"No." The pinkette was stern, but continued her own war of rolling her hips against his while slipping her hands into his open shirt. Her fingers reveled in the feeling of his working muscles, making her whimper with each hard movement. His hands lowered between them, and she knew exactly what he was doing. "Gaara... I said no..."

The redhead ignored her, and suddenly she felt his hand adjust his length out of his pants. He moved his hips in a way that the underside of his erection could slide against her folds, leaving him practically breathless, and her surprised.

"I wont go in... but... it's so close now...." Gaara panted excitedly, his hands now going to her hips for his fingertips to dig into. "This is my 'something'... I hope that's okay with you..."

'Clever bastard.' Her eyes narrowed, but he was correct, since it wasn't penetration it didn't count... but it was cutting it close for sure.

However, she found herself more humored by it rather than upset. She locked her eyes onto him, and rolled her hips sinfully against his. A whine erupted out of her as she did it, and he seemed to follow with a moan of his own.

The water around them made small waves as they moved together. At times he would get a bit antsy and begin kissing her chest, neck, jaw, and then eventually her mouth. The longer they did it the more intense his actions got. Occasionally he'd give a hard squeeze to her bottom, suck hard at her breasts, and sometimes bite at her neck and shoulders. He panted heatedly against her flesh while starting to groan continuously from the attention.

All his hard work was beginning to become her undoing. She rode her naked hips with his with an intensity that she didn't realize she had in her. Her body was pulsing for more, urging her to take it further when she knew she couldn't. She took out her frustration on his chest, clawing down the muscles as they tensed under her touch. His hands ran up her sides to tangle into her wet hair while she leaned forward to suck lasciviously along his neck.

"Fuck--" Gaara cursed as his coal rimmed eyes fluttered shut, she could feel his heart pounding rapidly in his chest as he whimpered. Her fingers latched in his hair for a light tug, and got a heavy whine for her effort. His movements grew more frantic, and his arm around her waist was holding her bruisingly tight so he could rock his hips even harder.

She moaned on his neck, then turned her face up to his ear, mewling against the shell while he shivered with each needy cry.

"Gaara... please..." Sakura knew he would be weakened to it, and as good as this felt she did not want to finish this way. Instead she wanted to really feel, and witness him do it. While she whined loudly next to his ear she heard him give another curse, this time it sounded almost like desperate prayer.

'He's so close...' The butterflies in her stomach wouldn't stop fluttering, the more he cried out in desperation to climax the more she felt those cries pang through her body in the most shameful of ways.

"Sakura--!" The redhead tilted his head back with a pitched moan, his hips rolling against her as his voice continued to cry and break. His breathing was panicked, his body arched up for one last grind before he came hard. She felt like she might be riding a bronco with how much he writhed beneath her. It was so incredibly sexy that she almost ended up getting there herself, and was somewhat disappointed when she felt her veins pulse with the absence of orgasm; screaming at her for being too cruel.

Gaara held her to him fast, his erection still pushing out what had been building up between them. The pinkette leaned her face upwards to kiss at his neck, occasionally giving long licks to wick away the water that had gathered along his pulse. She was in a state of arousal that had her doing strange things at the moment.

The redhead seemed to notice, and even in his hazy state he ended up raising a curious naked brow at her.

"I... seem to be the only one who got there...huh?" It was a rhetorical question, but for some reason he ended up laughing at himself. "I'm not very good at this--"

"No... you're wonderful..." Sakura ran her hands up his chest, and into his hair to scratch playfully at his scalp. His eyes watched her as if she were the most interesting thing on the planet. "I held off... on purpose..."

"Why?" His hairless brows furrowed, and his hand came up to trace her bottom lip with his thumb.

"I wanted to watch you first." The pinkette felt a sense of shamelessness, as if any and all truths could be told at this moment. He blinked at her owlishly for a second before looking away.

"Well... I hope I didn't disappoint... " Gaara formed a shy pout with his lips, and a flattering blush had tinged his cheeks. She almost couldn't take it anymore, and began reaching for his hands.

"You didn't--" Sakura pulled his hands over her wet frame, watching his expression carefully as he managed to swallow hard. She pushed his right hand downwards, and in between her legs. "--but now I need you to touch me--"

"Sakura, wait." The redhead held his hand firmly away from her, and she almost cried at the lack of feeling. He began moving them, but all she wanted was for him to touch her. She started to throw a fit, whining and smacking at him while he lifted her up out of the water to sit on the edge of the tub. Her feet were still submerged, but the rest of her body was exposed to him. "Forgive me, but I'd like to take the second choice of 'somethings' for tonight--"

"That's not fair--!!" The pinkette went to argue at first, but he ignored her completely. Distracted in her anger she didn't realize what he was doing until his hands had parted her legs. He nestled his chest between them, wrapping his arms around her waist sweetly before kissing her stomach. "Wh-what...are you--??"

"I want to taste you properly." Gaara answered huskily, and she was shocked that he could already be so worked up after just finishing himself. His kisses went lower, and lower.... and lower....

Sakura gasped as he quickly put one thigh over his shoulder, and placed his mouth over her aching heat. She mewled in approval, fisting her hands into his red hair to pull firmly at the locks. He let out a heated breath that flayed against her wet folds, and a slight breathy laugh escaped him before he took a few lascivious licks.

The pinkette whined, her figure started to rock itself shamelessly in ecstasy while he lapped at her. The occasional sucking had her throwing her head back in a hard pant while scraping her nails against his scalp.

The more he did it, the more strongly she'd react. She was already so worked up when he got to her that it didn't take long to get her to a steady point.

Sakura had never felt like this before, it was nothing like anything she could do to herself, and it was so intense that it had her trembling with the need to finish. There was no pain in the friction, no discomfort, only pleasure. As his mouth became more ardent she felt her legs clinging to his back while his fingers dug into her hips and thighs.

"...Gaara... yes...." The pinkette whined, her heart starting to race as her orgasm was fast approaching. Her body was shivering with need, and he answered by licking her as firmly as he could. When her hips went to buck in pleasure his strong hands held her steady, allowing her to have that fight that she needed for a great climax.

It was like a gunshot, loud and fast. Her hands pulled hard at his hair, and he groaned against her folds as he tried to keep up. She gave out high moan that quickly turned into a scream of ecstasy. Her blood pounded so hard that it was all she could hear in her ears. Her heartbeat was the only thing left of her before she took a much needed sharp inhale, coming back down into her body once more as oversensitivity took over.

He was still going, and as much as she liked his enthusiasm her body just couldn't handle that much attention.

"Stop!" Sakura squealed, her legs trying desperately to close even though he was still there, however his grip on her was great enough that she did not succeed.

Gaara pulled away from her with a lidded expression at first, but then a genuine smile made it's way across his features. He ended up chuckling as her expression grew more flustered.

"H-hey!! Stop laughing--!"

"I'm sorry... you looked so cute..." The redhead panted slightly, and ended up licking his lips which only made her more bashful. "Did I do it right?"

The flush that took over her whole body was intense, she made a weird expression before hiding her face in her hands.

'Oh my god... I was screaming!!'

"Sakura? I asked you a question..." She felt his hands go back to her thighs, steadily creeping up her frame to her waist, but she refused to look at him. "Did I do it right? Or perhaps I should try again--?"

"You did fine!!! Go away!!" The pinkette shrieked at him before swinging her legs out of the tub. She quickly grabbed the towel next to her, and wrapped herself protectively in it. However, it didn't protect her from his laughter.

"There's no need to be embarrassed." He teased. She heard water sloshing around, as well as a drain being pulled. Then one by one his soaked clothing seemed to be plopped over the edge of the tub. She jumped when she saw it, and scurried over to the bed in the center of the room. Acting quickly she hid deep under the blankets, encasing herself in darkness.

Sakura knew he would follow her there, but at the moment she didn't want him to see her face, or tease her for how she had reacted.

"Sakura... Sakura... in spring sky as far as I see... is it mist or is it a cloud?~" Gaara sang her name in a familiar song, and hummed the rest of the tune as he approached. The edge of the blanket lifted, so she huddled further down. "There you are, cherry blossom, no more hiding--"

"Go away!!" The pinkette pouted, and his brow furrowed before a sly smirk graced his features.

"Not a chance, not after hearing you scream like that..." His tone grew dark, sultry even. "How dare you tease me, and then hide away."

Suddenly he was crawling under those very same blankets as her, and for a moment it seemed that he was not dressed.

No, he truly was not dressed. At all.

"Stop!!" Sakura shrieked as she felt him pawing at her in the dark. Her body was being pulled to him easily on the silk sheets. His mouth was on her flesh in an instant, kissing along her chest and up her neck. She didn't know why, but her hands clawed sinfully along his back making him drag his teeth down her jugular.

"I want to hear it again... say my name... scream it..." The redhead spoke huskily, tilting his mouth towards her ear to purr. "I am starving, and my appetite is insatiable--"

"Gaara, please! I can't take any more, it's too much!" The pinkette tried moving away from him once more, but his hands pulled hard on her hips bringing her under him. With one arm he held himself over her, and with the other his hand immediately found it's way between her legs. "Gaara!! Stop--!!"

"Ssh... hush now, I'm going to do something a little different--"

"It's going to hurt!!!" Sakura kicked her legs, and only recieved a breathy laugh for her effort. The feeling of his lips against the shell of her ear had her breaking out in goosebumps all over her body.

"You really think I would be so cruel? I have only showed you gentleness despite the fact that I have an intense desire for you." Gaara's words were whispered, but the meaning had her feeling a bit guilty. She began to relax, and a small sigh escaped him. "Yes... just relax..."

His fingers stroked gently at her wet heat, humming in approval over the state of arousal that she still seemed to be in. Suddenly her folds started to part, and she felt him slowly insert two digits inside of her.

Sakura was not completely foreign to this, as she had grown curious a few times, but having someone else do it had her tensing up almost painfully. As he moved his fingers out slowly she felt her sheath wanting to hold him in despite the fact that she wasn't sure if she wanted him there in the first place.

"You're burning up inside, I can feel it." The redhead panted excitedly against the shell of her ear. She squirmed slightly with shame, placing her hands over her face even though the blankets already hid them from the light. When he pumped them again she felt a familiar sensation, but it was also different. The fingers that were invasive before were now filling her with a pleasure that she hadn't felt before, a pleasure she was slowly starting to warm up to. "Is this okay?"

Although he asked a perfectly normal question she had to turn her face away, and this seemed to not sit well him. He removed his hand, and then flipped back the blanket to blind her. She felt as if it were agony, being teased in such a way only for him to stop so abruptly. He glared down at her, and it made the pinkette feel small.

"I wont do it unless you tell me that you want it." Gaara scolded her, and while she would usually feel upset by it for some reason she found it somewhat alluring tonight. "Say it."

The redhead was impatient, dark, and dominant. It was turning her on, and surprising her at the same time. She maneuvered her body into more relaxed position while keeping her eyes on his, and she let herself become vulnerable underneath him. Yet all it did was make him click his tongue.

"No, while I do appreciate this I still asked you a question. You will give me a verbal answer--"

Sakura whined like a spoiled child who refused to ask for something politely, and it got the redhead to raise a hairless brow at her display. A small smirk tried to make it's way across his lips, but he quickly narrowed his eyes instead.

"Say you want it." When she shook her head his voice lowered to a soft growl. "Say it."

Her heart was pounding so fast, and truth be told she wanted him to do it more than anything, but she didn't want to have that choice. She didn't want to come off as some sort of sex crazed nympho--

"Alright, I'm leaving." Gaara's lips formed a tight line as he began to move away from her, but before she knew it she was grabbing at one of his arms desperately. That tight line quickly formed a devilish smirk that he unfortunately could not hold back. "Say it then."

"I want it." The pinkette's voice came out small, but it seemed to have a good effect on him. She could see him breathe hard at her admission, goosebumps showing up on his skin while a shiver went down his spine.

"...Say it again." The redhead growled as he turned towards her, an animalistic instinct washing over him quickly. She could practically feel the heat radiating off of him.

"I want it." Sakura spoke more confidently, and that same shiver rippled through him as he pressed his mouth over hers.

She could taste a hint of herself on his lips, but it didn't bother her in the slightest. If anything it had her burning up at the reminder of what he had done to her. He pressed her back down onto the mattress, and held one knee up to her chest while his hand stroked her exposed sex. She gave a needy whimper, and he answered by slipping in two fingers. It was more accepted this time, and the more she relaxed into it the better it felt.

Gaara moved back slightly to get a view of what he was doing, and it was enough to make her squeak in bashfulness. However, the tone quickly changed as he began working a firm and steady pace on her. Forgetting her shyness she started to writhe in pleasure, her body moving like a snake as his digits pumped into her.

"You're getting so tight..." The redhead chuckled slightly, and although she felt thoroughly flustered by it the only thing she could do was moan for him. Her emotions didn't seem to matter anymore as her natural instinct took over. "Does it feel good?"

The pinkette mewled in answer, rolling her hips with his working hand finding it to be just that much sweeter. His eyes roamed her frame greedily, enjoying every second of pleasurable torture he placed on her. Soon he was hovering over her again, leaning in for a kiss that she was far too eager for.

Sakura moaned against his lips, occasionally panting his name in between rough kisses that took her breath away. Her nails raked against his skin, carving her way down his lean hips and toned thighs leaving him trembling underneath. When her hand accidentally ran across his groin she felt his hardened length, and grabbed hold of it with an almost painful firmness.

"Stop being...sneaky..." Gaara panted in between desperate kisses, and decided that moving faster was the best option. She tried stroking him, but was greatly distracted by what he was doing to her. Her head shot back as her body arched with his hand, stringing her tight like bow's string. She was too close to function properly anymore, so holding him tightly was all she could do. "That's it... scream for me--"

As he pushed harder she felt herself clenching around his fingers, crying out wildly from high pitches to low ones. Her body was breaking out into a sweat as the noises heaved from her throat, slowly causing her vocals to rasp from overuse. Her pink hair clung to her face as she rolled her head in pleasure. Just when she thought it was too much his hand began to slow, and she regained the breath that she had lost during the intense moment.

The redhead pulled back, chuckling slightly in a breathy tone while his eyes continued to study her. As she came back to reality she looked over to him, her heart still racing from what he had done to her.

"I've been wanting to do that all night." Gaara laughed genuinely then, and his smile was far too beautiful.

That same smile that he only ever showed to her. It was a gift, and she wanted to return it.

"You're too stunning for your own good, I was completely enchanted when you walked out of the bathroom in that dress." His eyes closed for a moment, as if he were remembering it fondly.

"Is that so?" She didn't know why at first that she was suddenly crawling over to him, and it didn't become apparent until she had placed her hands on his hips that she actually had a plan in mind. It was spontaneous, but she didn't care, this would be her 'something' for the night. "You didn't think about yourself... at all?"

His eyes opened as her hands stroked at his skin, they darted around her frame curiously before he bit his lower lip for just the briefest of moments.

"I tried not to... I'd just chase you away with the things I'd want to take from you--"

"Such a martyr, the demon that loves only itself is a total lie isn't it?" Sakura smirked, taking his erection into her hand to tease it with feathery strokes. He let out a slow, yet shaking breath, his eyes starting glaze from the second she had reached for it. "So, oh selfless one, I guess you wouldn't be interested in me putting this inside myself, would you?"

"Don't be cruel." Gaara narrowed his eyes in warning, but it only spurred her on.

"Are you sure? You could try begging for it. Who knows, maybe I'm in a giving mood--"

"You already told me 'no', and I already prepared myself for that rejection." The redhead snipped, his temper started to flare just the slightest. It seemed he was not one to be teased, even lightly.

"I didn't mean 'that' way. You assume there is only one part of me that can take you..." The pinkette lowered her head for a moment, and licked the underside of his length as his breath hitched. His breathing from then on out was a forceful pant.

"Do you want it?" She purred.

"Yes." There was no waiting, no thinking involved, he simply put his desire out there on the table. She snickered for a moment at his eagerness, finding him to be fairly innocent yet struck with a carnal need.

"What's the magic word?" Sakura giggled looking up at him from below his waist. His eyes unfocused, became lidded, and glazed over with lust as his lips parted.

"Please..." He breathed the word, and it made every hair raise up on her body.

"With sugar on top-" She gave a long lascivious lick before continuing. "-And ice cream in the middle?"

The redhead blinked at her for a moment as his cheeks began to flush. He looked like he might faint from the attention.

"Yes... sugar... ice cream... middle..." Gaara's words came out choppy, as if he forgot what language was. She full on laughed at his display, but decided against teasing him any further.

The second the pinkette wrapped her lips around him he let out a groan of relief. His fingers tangled in her pink hair, but he was incredibly gentle with her scalp.

She remembered things that Ino had told her about her 'oral' encounters. There was to be no touching from her teeth, that was a given. The tip was the most sensitive part, that was second. Last, but certainly not least, the penis was not the only part that was to receive attention; the testicles were just as important.

It was funny how other women would rave about their talent in merely placing their mouth on a man, and calling it a day, but Ino had made sure that Sakura knew that there was a lot more to it than that.

As the redhead let out a rather youthful whimper she seized that moment to cup him gently in her hand. The fingers in her hair clenched while he gave a full moan.

He was far too precious, sounding like a young teenager during his first sexual experience. She reveled in the idea that she was tainting him in some way; tainting this 'monstrous' man who always seemed to have blood drenched in his clothes.

Sakura was enjoying herself, and that scared her a little bit, but just because it was new and odd didn't mean that she would stop herself. That would be true cruelty.

"Sakura..." Gaara whimpered, his hands clenching and opening in her hair. As she swirled her tongue around his tip she witnessed him not only cry out harshly, but tremble as well. He was shivering hard, and his skin started to sweat while he gave shaking breaths. He would whisper her name, whimper it, and cry it out like a mantra. It left her feeling high with how she could bring such a 'frightening' person literally to their knees. "S-stop... please..."

She didn't, she knew why he wanted her to do so, but she didn't care. His hands tried to push her away, weakly one might add, but she stayed regardless of the fact that he was also trying to pull her hair. She became more vigorous, and soon his hips were rising up to meet her with each bob of her head.

"No! Stop!" The redhead cried out, but after it was said she went harder, and she could practically feel the shock go through him as he groaned loudly through his teeth. She felt him start to pulse on her tongue, and as a wave of bitter salt splashed into her mouth she quickly tried gulping it back. It wasn't as fluid as she would have liked, but it wasn't awful either.

The fingers in her hair loosened, and all the muscles that were clenched up relaxed almost instantly. The only sound left was that of his panting breath. Pulling away she wiped her mouth smartly, giving him a rather smug smile.

"Did I do it right?" Sakura teased, and while he did blush he also got a tired laugh out of it.

"I think so... however we could try again--" Gaara said with a exhausted smile, and she balked at his suggestion.

"Stop getting greedy!" She smacked at his thigh, gaining another laugh for her trouble. "How about instead of acting like an ass you can thank me with a glass of water?"

As much as it made him wince he also couldn't stop his snickers. While she turned to lay on her stomach she felt the bed move as he got up to do the exact thing she had told him to do.

'He's such a puppy.' The pinkette giggled inwardly, thinking how he could literally eat from the palm of her hand while also licking it completely clean. 'Oh, boy... He's got a talent for that too...'

"Here." The redhead was now holding out a glass of water for her, and surprisingly wearing a nice black robe. When she looked him over questioningly his cheeks managed to tinge pink. "Um... it was by the closet... I can get you one too--"

"No need." Sakura smirked as she rolled onto her side, taking a long drink of the water he had given her. From the corner of her eye she could tell he was studying her naked form, and for some reason she liked the attention. She pulled the drink away from her lips to place it down on the nightstand before truly staring him down. "Well, thank you for such a wonderful evening. You were a fantastic bed partner, but now I must bid you farewell. The door is that way."

She pointed to the door, and gave him a sinister smile, which he returned in kind.

"Kicking me out--?"

"Well, that's what you're here for right? To please me? You've done your job well enough." The pinkette looked at her nails, pretending to be aloof with him just to get under his skin. It seemed to be working for the most part. "Oh, I forgot to ask what your going rates are-- AAACK!!"

With a ferocious snarl he tackled her onto the bed, and while it surprised her she couldn't help but laugh hysterically as he growled against her neck. He seemed to understand the joke, and it put a nice spin on things.

"Back! Back I say! You little beastie--!" Sakura almost snorted as she smacked at his shoulder, but he stopped abruptly to glare at her.

"I am not 'little'." Gaara spoke in a low tone that sent pleasant shivers down her spine. She lowered her lashes for him, and bit her lip.

"You're right. You're a big, intimidating, enticing, and handsome beast." The pinkette purred, and as he tried to inch closer she proceeded to crawl away.

"Flattery will get you nowhere--" He smirked.

"Wrong! You're already trying to paw at me again, you're incorrigible." Sakura turned her head defiantly, but it only gave him an opening to kiss her neck. "Hey! I'm tired--!"

"Hello, tired. I'm incorrigible, it's a pleasure to meet you." Gaara bit down, and when she jolted his hands gripped greedily around her frame. She smacked at his shoulder a few times, receiving a snicker against her skin.

"I can't believe you just made that joke!" The pinkette scoffed, but quickly became putty in his roaming hands while he worked his magic on her neck. It had her humming, and relaxing in his strong arms. "I'm about to fall asleep..."

"Let me sleep next to you then..." The redhead's heated breath flayed against her skin, and his weight on top of her was more than welcome.

"You really shouldn't." Sakura pet his hair while he kissed down her collar to the center of her chest, it was the place where he finally rested his head despite the fact of it being bare.

"I know...but I still want to." Gaara's arms gripped her possessively, and her heart began to sink thinking about his predicament.

"Have you talked to 'him' about it? You two talk often don't you?" The pinkette kept her tone gentle, as she was prodding at a very delicate topic. He nuzzled further against her chest at first before giving a tired sigh.

"It's like talking to a wall. He is stuck in his ways thinking that everyone must die--"

"Including me?" Sakura blurted, and felt stupid for asking such a thing. When he didn't answer she felt that she had recieved her answer.

"I don't... like to talk about you with him... but I can tell he likes you. However, I don't want to share you with him..." The redhead's hold tightened, but his words confused her.

"What do you mean by 'share'?" She asked carefully, and when he stiffened she felt a bit nervous to know the answer.

"We share a body... he knows what I know... and can feel what I feel.... I believe this is why he likes you." Gaara almost whispered, then some sort of desperation came over him. It inspired him to move upwards to hold her more protectively. She could feel a sense of anxiety wash over him as he held her. "He made me an offer recently... after our first... whatever you'd like to call it, and I don't think the risk is worth it."

"He made an offer? Like what?" The pinkette was already suspicious of the being inside of him, and felt her caution become validated rather quickly.

"Time with you... in exchange for the first peaceful night's sleep I've ever had in my entire life." The redhead sighed before shaking his head. "I'd rather die of insomnia--"

"You should accept it." Sakura stated calmly, and he instantly pushed himself up to truly look at her face. He looked absolutely horrified.

"You can't be serious! He would kill you--!"

"If he wanted to kill me he obviously wouldn't care enough to want my company." The pinkette deadpanned while he gaped at her for even trying to defend the beast.

"And what if it's something more sinister than that?" Gaara narrowed his eyes in warning, jealousy clear on his features. While she was worried about something like that she also knew that any chance he had at getting some rest was probably worth it.

She'd probably have to bargain with this one, and with the last card in her hand no less. However, she desperately wanted to give him some sort of peace... so handing over her final ace seemed only natural.

No, it was more than that. She honestly just wanted him to have it.

"You can take the bargain... after you've had me for yourself..." Sakura said it in a small voice, but it made a great enough impact on him that he started to forget how to breathe.

"Sakura... I... I can't do that--"

"Oh don't lie, you know you'd fuck me in a heartbeat." The pinkette scoffed, and while the idea seemed to dawn on him with a fierce reddening of his cheeks he also seemed to shake the thought literally from his head.

"I...no---wait... yes... I mean... yes. Yes, I would, but it's not right for me to feed you to a monster just so I can actually sleep for once." While he seemed a bit mixed in his emotions she could see the weariness in his eyes. He just... looked so exhausted. The idea must have been haunting him for so long now...

She'd have to force him to do this somehow, yet an idea came to her quicker than she thought.

"Gaara, I give you full permission to have sex with me whenever you so choose, but afterwards you will answer to the one tail's demands. Then you can finally get the rest you deserve." Sakura laid out the bargain for him, and he merely stared at her as if she were insane.

"You can't be... serious--"

"Deadly serious. I'll meet him head on for you, I'm not scared of him."

That was a filthy lie, ever since that day in the forest she was scared shitless of the bijuu that lived inside of him. The sand beast had almost killed her, yet she was sure that Gaara had somehow made it so she could live another day. She truly believed that deep in her heart.

His face started to twist, and his jealousy seemed to erupt.

"Then I guess I'll just stay abstinent!" The redhead barked at her. She frowned, thinking that he was blowing this out of proportion.

However, there were sneakier ways to get what she wanted, and she decided to use what she had at full force.

"That's too bad... I was really looking forward to it." The pinkette stretched languidly underneath him, and just like that she had his undivided attention. "After the amount of talent you've shown me tonight I'm positive that you must be a complete animal in the bedroom. I guess I'll just have to use my imagination--"

"Stop teasing." Gaara growled at her, making her raise a well groomed brow at him.

"What am I going to do? I don't think I've ever wanted anyone so badly in my life..." Her hands wandered her own body in the most sensual of ways, making him stare at her with a hungry expression. "Don't you want me too?"

As she reached up to stroke his cheek he leaned his head into her hand before kissing longingly against her wrist. His eyes were dark with desire, holding an almost bitter expression.

"You're so cruel..." The redhead murmured against the inside of her delicate wrist. She watched in wonder as he inhaled her scent while growing more enraged. "Why don't you ever shut up? I'm so sick of your twisted bullshit--"

"Excuse me?" Sakura furrowed her brow both in insult, and confusion. Her words seemed to wake him up to his odd behavior, cueing a horrified look in his eyes as he realized that he had spoken aloud.

"N-not you! I'm sorry, I wasn't talking to you!" Gaara seemed truly upset by this, and while she loved to watch him act like an innocent little boy she didn't truly want to cause him any harm. She reached up to soothe him, scratching with a feather light touch along his nape.

"Ah, I see. Well, if you're going to talk to him out loud can you make sure to let me know that its 'him' you're talking to, and not me?" The pinkette snickered while another blush graced his cheeks, although this time it was merely out of awkwardness.

The redhead couldn't seem to speak, and her only confirmation was a quick and awkward nod of his head. He was too distraught to tease any further, so she decided to end their discussion for the night.

"So, am I sleeping here? Or downstairs?" Sakura smiled warmly at him, and he blinked as if he were stunned by her somehow.

"I don't want you to get dressed..." Gaara started pouting, causing her to roll her eyes at him.

"Oh my god, you are such a brat!" While her words sounded mean, the little smile that went with them told him that she was merely playing. He seemed to take it well enough, managing a smirk if his own. She rolled over, and felt him cuddle up close to her. With a wave of his hand the sand in his gourd by the bed started to move at his will, going around to each oil lamp to douse them for the night.

Sakura watched curiously as the grains sparkled in the moonlight, wondering how he could get them to move on a chakra level. She felt him nuzzle the back of her neck, and breathe slowly. It were as if he was truly about to go to sleep, although she knew better than that.

"Goodnight, Sakura." The redhead whispered as he clung to her naked frame under the sheets. She moved even closer to him.

"Goodnight, Gaara, sleep well--"

"You know I wont." He huffed, and it was cute enough to make her laugh.

"I know, but I can still wish for it, right?" The pinkette hummed before truly feeling fatigue hit her, and she started to drift to the sounds of his calm breathing.

"I love you."

She could have sworn she heard him say that, but she wasn't completely certain. Perhaps it was only a dream.

Yet, it warmed her heart in places that she thought were completely destroyed. Places she could have sworn were broken inside of her.

She wished it were real.

#GaaSaku #gaasaku-fanfests #GaaSaku Fan Fest 2018 #Pikaboubou #fanfic

[kdfrqqg]

The King's Ragamuffin

Crowley x Reader Fluff (One Shot)

Summary: The reader and Crowley have to go to a meet to buy an object but Crowley doesn’t want her to go with him until she gets a makeover.

A/N: I wrote this for my Fluff so Sweet it will Literally Rot Your Teeth Challenge. The prompt I stole was #27 – Pampered.  There are still some slots left if you want to join.

Word Count: 2K

Warnings: Light cussing, Dean being grumpy, Crowley insults you

The war room reeked of overly strong cologne and way too much testosterone as the Winchesters and the King of Hell had an all out pissing match in front of you about a Hand of God object that needed to be acquired.  “Yes, Squirrel, I understand what it means to protect it.  What you, act like you don’t trust me anymore?” Crowley smugly smiled.

“Crowley, I never have and never will trust you.  No way are you not going alone.” Dean spat.

“Well I’m not taking you with me to the meet.” Crowley paused, “or Moose.  Everyone knows you two flannel wearing morons.”

“Then take (Y/N)!” Sam suggested, making you raise your head to look him in the eye.  Sam simply shrugged assuming that Crowley would hate the idea.

Crowley turned his head towards you, “You cannot expect me to take this little ragamuffin as part of my entourage.”

“Hey!” You yelled suddenly feeling self conscious. “I clean up pretty well.” Your voice cracked

He began to stare at you and moved forward, “Hmmm, well, you aren’t completely homely.” He took your hand, “These nail beds are awful,” you pulled your hand away, “and will not do, you will need a full manicure.” He continued to examine you, “When was the last time you waxed your eyebrows?” You thought about it. “If you have to think about it, then it has been too long.” He snarked.

“Hey!” You almost had enough.

“And that brass color of your hair indicates one too many home dye jobs.” He sustained his criticism.

“Really, what the hell man?” You asked completely offended.

His hands touched your shoulders, “My dear if you are expected to represent me, you must look the part. I can’t have someone so unpolished, join me on this venture.” He pulled a silver cardholder from his pocket, “Here.” He handed you a very fancy business card to one of the most prestigious salons in the area. “I’ll set everything up. All you have to do, is go and they will take care of you.”

“Look we don’t have time if this.” Dean jumped into the conversation.

Crowley addressed Dean.  “The meet isn’t until 10pm tonight. She has more than enough time to get a little pampered and look like she belongs on my arm.” He turned to you and whispered, “It’s that what you want, my dear.” He words made you breathe a little faster, and all you could do was nod.  “That’s what I thought. Look, she wants to be a part of this.” He bent down and spoke softly, “I can’t wait to see how lovely you will look this evening.” How did he just go from insulting you to making you blush in just a few minutes? Then he just vanished from the room.  

You didn’t have to think about what to do, it was already noon and it would take you about an hour to get to Kansas City for your makeover. Crowley was right, you were in need of some pampering, so this may take the whole afternoon if not longer. You grabbed your bag and jacket walking towards the garage.

“What, you’re going!?” Dean asked.

“This is what you guys want, right? We gotta get the item.” You turned to them and they just looked at each other trying to figure out what to say. “Well Crowley wants me fully done up, then he will get me fully done up.”

“Well yeah, I guess.” Sam finally said something.

“End of discussion. I gotta go.  Either of you wanna come to Kansas City with me?” You asked being polite.

“What and wait for you to do your lady stuff? No thank you.” Dean scoffed and you shook your head before finally leaving for the garage.

The salon was in a cream color stand alone building in one of the nicest parts of the city, you took a deep breath pushing back any nerves you had, this was definitely not Great Clips.  The receptionist was a young and snooty with four or five different colors in her hair, long red nails and she wore a tight black dress, she barely acknowledge your presence when you walked up.  “And you are?” She finally asked looking you up and down knowing you didn’t belong in a place like this.

“I’m (Y/N). Mr. Crowley made an appointment for me.” You nervously said.

“Crowley!” Her eyes widened with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, it’s (Y/N) right?” You nodded. “I didn’t know.  Mr. Crowley said you were to get the works.” She rushed you off to a chair and placed a glass of champagne in your hands.  

Hours passed and they had put tin foil in your hair and you had new polish on your hands and feet not to mention the wonderful stone foot massage, now they were moving you onto the wax room.   The esthetician waxed your brows and upper lip the she said, “Ok, you can remove your jeans and panties.”

“Excuse me what?” You asked truly shocked.

“Did Mr. Crowley not tell you? He wanted you waxed down there.  Do you want just a bikini or full brazilian?” She informed you.

Why the hell would he want me waxed there? What did he think was going to happen? Shit the questions just kept running though your head as you sat up from the table. “Ummm…yeah…ah… what the hell lets go for it, full brazilian, please.”

You breathed out as she spread the warm wax on your sex, when she pulled up on the wax it didn’t hurt so bad. She was done in no time and you were all smooth and soft, wow you really felt sexy and stood a little more confidently.  

You left with approximately $300 worth of products that they informed you would help keep up your style, it was Crowley’s money anyways so who cares.  Catching your image in the mirror, you didn’t look like yourself, the dark eye makeup and new hair color were going to take some time to get used to.  

The sun had heated up your car to a nice toasty level as you blasted the AC, you thought about what you could wear tonight.  There was that nice boring black dress in the back of your closet, but you really wanted something to ‘wow’.  Your car went on autopilot to closest mall, with a stolen credit card in hand, you went in search of the perfect dress for this evening.  

Amazingly enough it only took you an hour or so to find a super sexy dress, shoes and accessories. Dragging a garment bag and various other smaller bags into the bunker, you meet the boys sitting with their laptops open.  “Well look at you.” Dean eyed you. “You bought a new dress?”

“Yeah, I have to look the part, dude.” You responded.

“And Victoria Secret?” Sam asked spotting the bright pink bag you tried to hide behind another bag.

“Ahhhh…This dress needed a push up bra, have you seen my bras?” Both men shook their heads knowing you wore very conservative undergarments. “Yeah, well then they weren’t going to work.”

You ran off to your room not wanting to hear them make fun of you or give you any lectures, quickly you threw off all of your clothes and took the expensive bottle of lotion out of a bag from the salon, spreading the lotion all over your body giving you a shimmering glow.  In the Victoria Secret bag there was a black lace thong and matching lace push up, you slid on the items never feeling sexier than right now.  Untying the bottom of the plastic garment bag, you pulled the dress off the hanger, you glided the soft silky fabric over your head.  The dark purple sleeveless dress had a plunging neck line and pleated ruching that gave you a structured look but showed off your curves.  You brushed your hair, powdered your nose and reapplied your lipstick, when you heard Dean yelling at you from down the hallway, “(Y/N/N), you ready?” Quickly you put on the new strappy black heels that showed off your pedicure and grabbed a handful of jewelry

“Yeah, I'm ready to do this.” You hooked your necklace around your head while you walked to the war room.

“Whoa!” Dean breathed out.

You heard Sam say, “Damn!” as you walked in.

“I look that good.” A smile crept across your face that turned into a small chuckle.

“My dear, you look positively ravishing.” Crowley strolled over to you kissing your cheek, “absolutley gorgegous.  I knew it would just take a little pampering to bring out the woman in you.” He came closer to your ear and asked lowly, “Did you opt for the waxing below?” He raised his eyebrow to you.

You couldn’t help but smile at how suave he was acting, “Maybe.” you giggled.

“You know the plan (Y/N). You and Crowely purchase the Hand of God and come right back here.” Sam interrupted your moment.

“Yeap, got no problems here.” You responded as your stomach grumbled.

“Did you eat today my dear?” Crowley asked grasping your hand.

“I had cereal for breakfast and few peanut butter crackers when I got home.”

“That is not a meal. Why don’t you let me take you out to a nice steak dinner after we are done?” He asked right in front of the boys.

Now you tried to hide your smile and excitement, “Really!?” You looked down at your shiny toes, “Sure, that would be really nice.”

“Did you really just agree to a date with Crowley?” Dean asked almost flabbergasted.

“Well I guess, I am very hungry.” You held onto his arm a little tighter.

“Seriously, I swear man, not a hair, not a hair!” Dean yelled thowing his hands up as Crowley and you vanished from the room.

He placed a hand around your waist when you and he met up with the rest of his demons at the meet.  Crowley moved a piece of hair behind your ear while he whispered in your ear, “Were you just trying to piss off Dean, when you said yes to dinner earlier?”

“No.” You said softly, “I like the way you look at me. I feel feminine.”

“And you are.” His lips pressed gently to your ear lobe and neck as his hand ran over your knee and up your thigh. Then the door opened and his contact came into the back room of the old warehouse, you disappointingly frowned during the transaction because you didn’t want to be interrupted.  As promised, Crowley returned you and the Hand of God object back to the bunker as soon as everything was paid for. “Here Squirrel!” He placed the gilded item on the table, “My dear, if you are still hungry, I’d love to take you out somewhere.” His arm snaked around your waist.

You turned pressing your bossum to his chest, “All of the good places are probably closed now.” You pouted. “Maybe we have I’ll have to take a raincheck.”

Crowley’s hand ran threw the hair at the base of your neck, massassing you head a little, your eyes closed as he captured your lips with his, you moaned slightly as you opened up to him going weak.  You could hear the Winchesters airing their protests but you put them out of your mind. “You know (Y/N) it is only 9 o’clock in Las Vegas. What you say, a little food, a little drink and a little gambling?”

You bit your lip smiling almost giddy before you kissed him back. “I say don’t wait up boys.”  Your giggles were all the Winchesters heard before Crowley popped you from the bunker as his hands were on your hips and his lips tangled with yours. If the rest of the evening was anywhere as wonderful as this day had been then this was going to be a great start to an amazing relationship.

I love all the likes and reblogs but I really do want your feedback. Please leave me a comment; let me know what worked or what didn’t. If you hated it let me know what I could do different. It may determine how I write my next fic.

“Give it to me! You know you want to!” Writer winks at reader.

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[8831blog]

My New Project

I own a lot of clothes. Clothes for days when I wanna look like Jem and the Holograms. Clothes for when I am so sad I have to wear something that feels like a giant fuzzy blanket to stop from sobbing in public. Clothes I wear when I want a whole room to look at me. Clothes I wear when I am absolutely not paying for drinks. Clothes for when I am the witch of the wood, tell Stevie Nicks to eat shit because actually I invented her look. I use all my clothes, shoes, accessories, and to inform whoever happens to look at me how I am feeling at that particular moment. Except for when I don’t.

Taking cute pics for Instagram

But anyway, I own a lot of clothes. Too many to properly count. And absolutely too many to ever wear. I have clothes from fifty pounds ago that I can’t bear to let go because I tell myself again that “I’m going to lose weight. I need to keep this”. I bought things that still have tags attached that I never even wore because I bought them without trying them on, or they were so cool I just HAD to have it, or I saw a cool way to wear it in my head, or it looks like something I saw in a magazine (yes, I still read and worship fashion magazine editorials like it's 2006). SImply, over the years I’ve hoarded quite a collection of stuff. And I use hoarded in the literal sense. I have boxes of stuff I don’t use or wear or have a place or even care for, because I say that I know it will be of use some day (plot twist 99% has never been). The mass of fashion items I’ve got is a problem for me and others!

Quite twisted at a party after working all day and pulling this outfit out of my ass

So here’s the project. I’m not going to stop buying clothes. I’m not going to Marie Kondo clean out my closet because I think everything in there does, in some form, give me joy. What I am going to do is wear every piece of clothing, every piece of jewelry, all my shoes, my bras, underwear, socks, all of it, and really truly examine why I’m holding on to it. Life is not just good or bad, happy or sad, black or white, and neither are my feelings about clothes. I am plus size (currently around a size 18, but can fluctuate from a size 14-22), 5”10 (six inches taller than the average american woman), so finding clothing that actually fits on my body is difficult. Finding items that fit my body well is another story. My body and self image are all over the place, and so is my mental health. Once upon a time I wore a steel boned corset for 10+ hours a day for six months until I could take 12 inches off my waist, but also I bought shirts I wanted to fit baggy but in reality they are too small now, or never fit in the first place. Basically, everything in my life is wildly, outlandishly,  inconsistent. Fashion is what I care about most, which brings me back to introducing my new project- wearing every item of clothing I own and deeply examining why I should keep it.  I have a whole closet, wardrobe rack, vintage armoire, and more full of 25 years of collecting. Truly, I own some cool shit. That corset I mentioned, a vintage beaded floor length gown in a size two I thrifted, stuff I found on the ground in New York City, things my friends made, my mom’s clothes, so much of my late dad's clothes, lots of stuff older than me, things that sold out instantly I managed to snag, its just endless. Actually, it's not- it just feels that way because I put so much emotional weight into fashion.

Middle of a shift at my nursing home job- no makeup and working eight days straight. Pre COVID so no mask!

If you’re still reading this, please follow my journey that starts with fabric, and ends I don’t know where. I do want to get rid of things (I need to get rid of stuff) but so much of it makes me “happy”. In this journey I am going to discuss how to properly dispose of clothing, how to tell if something fits right, make lots of fashion and film and pop culture references. I’m going to talk a lot about body image, gaining.losing weight. The fashion industry as a whole, my personal experiences and thoughts about the future. How it feels to be a woman, how it feels to be a plus size woman, how it feels to have  a perchant for black clothes, to love drama, to work twelve hour shifts in a nursing home, what it's like to NEVER PAY FULL PRICE BECAUSE PAYING FULL PRICE IS FOR S U C K E R S.I’m going to reminisce and fantasize. I’m going to examine the idea of perfection until it means nothing. I am going to show off but also be too vulnerable. I’m not going to stop buying clothes but hopefully I’ll get smarter at it. My name is Anna McCabe and this is what’s happening.

TL;DR: I’m going to try on all my clothes and decide if I like them and I’m going to tell you all about it. Prepare for lots of dirty mirror selfies.

Easter Sunday 2020 in a pandemic that I only dressed up for because my brother’s girlfriend wore a pretty dress and my mom made a comment about my pajamas

[svetlanawagner-blog]

While living in LA, we visited the no more than 5 times the ENTIRE year even though we said we wouldn’t take the for granted. We immediately regretted it after moving to land-locked Las Vegas.

Traffic was always our number one excuse for staying in, but we know we could have made the effort. Now that we’re back on the coast, we’re determined to enjoy San Diego’s beautiful es. We’re hoping to explore every in the area and make it out to a – new or old – once a week. Today, we put together a list of what to bring to the to help us and you stay organized.

A big thank you to Sparkling ICE for sponsoring this post. All opinions are always our own. This post may contain affiliate links, where we receive a small commission on sales of the products that are linked at no additional cost to you. Read our full disclosure for more info. Thank you for supporting the brands that make Local Adventurer possible.

Last Updated: Jun 7, 2019 // Originally Published: Jun 11, 2015

What to Bring to the Beach - Our Beach Essentials Packing List

Beach Bag – It’s especially good if it’s like this one with a zipper or clasps at the top and you can use it as your personal carry on item too.

Dry Backpack or Dry Bag – Jacob likes to carry this backpack to keep our stuff dry.

 Reef Safe Sunscreen – Skin cancer is no joke! We used to love using our Neutrogena Dry Touch, but after reading up on what ingredients go into their sunscreens along with other big brands, we’ve found some great non-toxic alternatives. Keep in mind sunscreens above SPF 50 only add slightly more protection. If you find oxybenzone, octinoxate, octocrylene, homosalate, or octisalate on the label, it is not reef friendly. Mineral sunscreens with zinc oxide or titanium dioxide are generally safer.

Chapstick with SPF – Jacob’s burnt his lips more than once because he forgot about them. This one is SPF 30.

 Cheap Big Sunglasses – I keep my nicer pair in the car, so that they don’t get scratched up by the sand. You want big sunglasses to be able to protect all around your eye.

Sunhat – Gotta keep the sun off your face. The one I’m wearing above is from San Diego Hat Company.

 Swimsuit

 Swim Cover Up

Summer Attire – Summer dress, tank top or tee, and shorts.

Beach Towel – This is a cute watermelon one from ban.do.

 Beach Blanket or Portable Beach Mat – Lately, it’s been too cold to get in the water, so we like to bring a blanket to relax on. Jacob hates getting sand in everything, so that’s the best way to keep the sand away. We got ours a while back at our alma mater.

A Good Book – Nothings better than feeling the breeze, soaking in the sun, and enjoying a good book. We typically bring our Kindles with us so we have multiple options on what to read. I’m currently reading Slaughterhouse Five, and Jacob is currently reading The Giver. What about you?

A Light Jacket – Even though the is usually nice, winds can always pick up and make it chilly as the sun sets. Be sure to bring a light jacket to stay warm. We really like our Patagonia nano puff jackets that pack up small.

Change of Clothes – Always good to have just in case.

 Camera – Whether it’s a phone, a point-and-shoot, GoPro, or DSLR, we like to have at least one camera (if not all 4) to capture the moments.

Waterproof Flip Flops x2 or Water Shoes: These flip flops go with me everywhere. They’re so thin and light that I can pack them in the side pocket of my backpack and forget about them until I need them. Pack an extra pair in case one breaks. I’ve had flip flops break on me on trips before, and it’s never fun hobbling back to the hotel. You also might want to consider bringing water shoes if you’re at a with rocky surfaces.

 Baby Powder – It removes moisture from your skin so sand will fall off easily.

Bug Repellent

Kleenex Wet Wipes or Sanitizer – this is the germ removal kind.

Zip Lock Bags in Various Sizes – I actually bring ziplock bags on every trip because they’ve come in so handy on many occasions. You can use them to protect your phone and personal items from getting wet or pack your wet swimsuits afterward.

 Portable Phone Charger: This Anker charger keeps both our devices charged all day.

First Aid Kit – We don’t always pack one, but we know we should.

Snorkel, Mask, Fins – if you can snorkel right off the , we prefer to bring our own masks and snorkels since it fits our faces better.

Wetsuit – if you’re swimming out in San Diego, you need a thick wetsuit.

 Rash Guard – for extra protection from the sun.

 Spare Change for Parking Meter

 Snacks – To keep the hanger at bay, we always bring some of our favorite beef jerky or trail mix to appease the monster. It’s good to bring nice portable snacks that won’t melt in the sun. Great snack options are fruit, nuts, crackers, and power bars.

 Hydroflask Bottle or Growler – to keep your drinks cold.

 Cooler Filled With Water and Beverage of Choice – It’s always important to stay hydrated. Doctors recommend you drink 8 full glasses of water. I’ve never liked drinking regular water, so it’s been nice having our fridge full of Sparking ICE. They have over 20 sparkling water flavors, and they have no calories. I love the fizziness, and my favorite flavor so far is Peach Nectarine.

More: How to Pack for a Snorkeling Trip

More Things to Bring to the Beach

These aren’t necessities but make life easier or more fun.

Beach Umbrella – Sure, you don’t need a umbrella, but once you use one, it’s hard to go back to the old life. This one is very packable and can turn into a sun or rain canopy or try this portable tent that’s easy to set up.

Camping Chairs – these fold down way smaller than chairs.

 Waterproof Portable Outdoor Speaker

 Towel Clips – to keep your towel in place

 Sand Coaster – to keep your drink from falling over.

Inflatable Lounger / Hammock

Giant Pool Float

Bodyboard

Float Strap – for cameras, phones, and other devices

Entertainment – Frisbee, Football, Volleyball Kite, Card Games, Toys to Play in the Sand, Slackline

 Whistle – It’s good to have especially when ing with children.

 Binoculars – to do some birding or to scout other wildlife.

 Walkie Talkie – if there’s no service

cutest watermelon cooler / bag that I’ve been toting everywhere!

More: The Best Summer Sandals for Travel Road Tested and Reviewed

Essential Tips

Pick a Beach Bag you don’t mind getting dirty. Large totes or medium size backpacks are good. Compartments and pockets help keep things organized and water resistance is always a plus.

Maximize space by using cubes and rolling your clothes and towels at the bottom of bag.

Leave most of your valuables at home including your nice pair of sunglasses.

Weigh your luggage to make sure they will not go over the allowed weight. 

Personal Items

ID Driver’s License or Passport

Credit Cards and Cash

Insurance Cards

 Wallet

 Keys

Car Rental and Hotel Information

 Directions

 Phone + Charger + Portable Charger

Printable PDF

Clothes to Bring on Every Trip

PJs

Bras and Underwear

Socks

Nicer Outfit for Dinners

Workout Clothes

Tees + Tops

Shorts, Pants

Sundresses

Dryer Sheets – keep it in your suitcase to keep your clothes smelling fresh.

Toiletries

Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap / Body Wash, Lotion – Most hotels will carry these already. I usually only pack my own conditioner since my hair is so damaged and needs extra love.

Travel Hair Dryer – depending on where we stay, I’ll bring my own mini hair dryer.

Lotion

Toothbrush

Toothpaste

Floss

Sunblock

Aloe

Hairbrush – love the tangle teezer.

 Hair ties, Bobby Pins, Clips, Spin Pins – I always lose them so I like to bring extras and stash them in each bag.

Hair Product – Hair Cream, Gel, Spray

Shower Cap

Flat Iron or Curling Iron

Eyeglasses

Contacts, Contact Case, Contact Solution

Eye Drops

Makeup Bag + Makeup Listed Below

Pads and Tampons

Jewelry

Nail Clipper

Tweezer

Meds Prescription, Vitamin, Benadryl, Dramamine, Pain Reliever

First Aid Kit

Eye Mask

Ear Plugs – You never know when you will have snoring roomies. 

Garbage Bag

Makeup

  Magic Cushion – this works as a great foundation and concealer

Face Setting Spray

Eyeshadow Pencil

Lipstick pencil

Chapstick with SPF

Blush

Eyeliner

Mascara

Makeup Remover – I’ve been collecting extras from hotels whenever I can, but I also love using these Grapefruit ones.

Eye Cream

Moisturizer

Electronics

Power Adapter and Converter

Phone

Phone Charger

Portable Phone Charger

E-Reader

Laptop

Laptop Cables

Camera / GoPro

 Waterproof Case for Cameras and Phone

 Waterproof Outdoor Speakers for music

More: Your Essential Underwater Photography Guide

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Favorite Beach Destinations

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Checklist - Do This Before You Leave Your House

Stop deliveries – or have a friend or neighbor take packages inside for you.

Mail

Board your pets or hire a petsitter

Housesitter

Take care of any bills

Unplug appliances

Put all valuables in a safe

Empty the fridge

Take out garbage

Set Thermostat

Lock doors and windows

Send your itinerary to a friend or emergency contact just in case.

Set Alarm

Address, map

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What to Bring to the Beach

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What do you usually pack for the ? Any essentials we’re missing?

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Esther + Jacob

Esther and Jacob are the founders of Local Adventurer, which is one of the top 5 blogs in the US. They believe that adventure can be found both near and far and hope to inspire others to explore locally. They explore a new city in depth every year and currently base themselves in Las Vegas.

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[fashiontrendin-blog]

My First Fashion Week Has Been Imperfect and Strangely Life-Affirming

http://fashion-trendin.com/my-first-fashion-week-has-been-imperfect-and-strangely-life-affirming/

My First Fashion Week Has Been Imperfect and Strangely Life-Affirming

This is my very first fashion week! I’m very excited and also nervous and oh my god what will I wear I hope I don’t fall over at some point. I love fashion as something to think about and observe in others, but I feel I’m very firmly not a “fashion person,” if that makes sense? I sort of feel like a band nerd at a jock party, but I have no doubt this week will be fun (if I don’t fall). This is also my first fashion week as a managing editor, so while we’ve had meetings and google docs and emails galore, 90% of my anxiety comes from a deep need to not mess this up. Below, a recording of my first few days — let me know whether you think I succeeded.

Thursday

10 a.m.

I’m working from home today and have knocked out the work-from-home essentials: brush your teeth, wash your face, put on a bra and make a huge pot of coffee. I spend most of the morning doing normal non-fashion week things.

2 p.m

I make one of those weird work-from-home lunches that’s just a bowl of stuff from your fridge.

6:30 p.m.

I sign off to get ready for the DapperQ show at the Brooklyn Museum.

7 p.m.

I decide to walk because it’s finally not a million degrees out and immediately get rained on. I regret nothing as it is important to see the outside world for at least 20 minute on a work-from-home day.

7:30 p.m.

I meet up with my friend Naima and head in. It’s a full-on scene. Technically this is my very first fashion show, but it’s on what feels like my home turf. The general public can and is encouraged to buy tickets so it’s more of an event than anything else. There are pop-up boutiques, a gif booth, the world’s longest bar line and a station to get all of your measurements taken.

8:10 p.m.

The show starts and it’s actually 10 different labels showing: A/C Space, Audio Helkuik, Jag & Co, Kris Harring Apparel Group, Nicole Wilson, SALT, Stuzo clothing, The Phluid Project, TomboyX + Squirrel Vs. Coyote, and THÚY Custom Clothier. It’s a mix of incredibly tailored suits for all types of bodies and all types of gender expressions, flowy linen tunics and pants that feel like tropical menocore, ’90s inspired rave wear and a truly great bike short look. The models that are sent down the runway are all races, ages, sizes and orientations.

9:15 p.m.

That was a very long show, I fell in love at least three times and now I need to buy a suit. First fashion show down!

Friday

10:30 a.m.

I get into the office late because the Q was majorly delayed this morning and it was physically impossible to get on the first one that came. Haley, Simedar and I spend five minutes talking about how dumb New York is as an idea. Someone points out there’s a nutella cookie on the counter and I decide to treat my emotional wounds with too much sugar.

11 a.m.

The office is a ghost town, between people dashing in and out for shows, working remotely and squeezing in end-of-summer vacations. I get a lot of the task-based stuff done (pay freelancers, update our project management software, send some strongly worded emails). I think/hope we prepared well for fashion week this year. We had two meetings to try to get ahead of everything but also decided that this year everyone will be flexible within reason. There’s no need to stay up till midnight working on a post.

1 p.m.

Amelia turns around her Tory Burch post with lightning speed, Edith finds the photos and we turn it live! Nothing like the rush of timely content!!!

5 p.m.

Maybe it’s the sugar, maybe it’s the fashion week adrenaline, but it is 5 o’clock and we have lost our minds. We get on the topic of tattooing celebrities on our thighs, Haley has busted out her weird animal toys and I keep changing my hair. I’m going to Chromat in a few and feel like this is the day to just go for a fulllllll look. I’m wearing a purple jump suit and more makeup and jewelry than I ever do, but changing from a high bun to a messy low ponytail feels like a true leap into a fashion-forward existence. Haley loans me her incredible white coat and while every part of my always-underdressed soul is screaming for me to take it off, a small voice says, it’s fashion week.

5:50 p.m.

Eliz and I arrive at the Chromat show after a quick walk (that girl can walk). There’s a lot of street style hullabaloo and when a nice guy asks to take my photo I say YES. Fashion week has turned me into a whole new woman!! It was a weird process but whatever, I’m an old pro by the time we meet up with Simon and he snaps my photo for this here diary. We’re in line for about 30 minutes but it goes quickly because there is just so much to see, so many people to watch.

6:20 p.m.

After a somewhat confusing line situation and an elevator ride that set off my anxiety (made an iPhone note: “Play about fashion people stuck in an elevator???” I don’t think it’s a hit), we get into the space. In the rush to find our seats I see one Whoopi Goldberg and feel beyond blessed.

6:50 p.m.

The show is over and it was so fun! Once again we were blessed with a gorgeous mix of models including Ericka Hart, whose hair I’m copying immediately. Their swimsuits and sunglasses and beads almost made me sad that summer is over, but I now have some full looks to dream about for the next 10 months or so.

7:15 p.m.

Back in the office to send the final end-of-day editorial email and check in on some things before running off to surprise my friend who just got engaged!! Feeling very happy and grateful for this day.

Saturday

10 a.m. – 1 p.m.

Very chill morning, made some breakfast, did some reading, wrote for myself, went to the gym, ate a second breakfast, took a shower and put my “look” together.

1-2 p.m.

Getting ready for the Christian Siriano show and am VERY excited. I got to talk to him ever-so-briefly earlier this year and love not only the stuff that he makes but the people he casts. Also hoping to see my tall sister Leslie Jones.

Feeling a bit of an emotional hangover from pushing myself outside of my comfort zone (amazing what the right coat can do), so I just threw on the Levi’s from this story, a black turtleneck and some dad sneakers. Feeling very much in my comfort zone, I left, giving myself 20 more minutes than Google maps told me I needed because of the raggedy-ass MTA.

2:15 p.m.

The Q isn’t coming for 17 minutes. The B isn’t running at all. I remember how much fun I had in Baltimore earlier this year and briefly imagine what Baltimore Nora is doing right at this very moment.

2:32 p.m.

The train is beyond crowded but I push myself on because I can’t be late. I hope that all of my I’ll-wait-for-the-next-one karma has been stored up for this very moment. Texting with Haley and Em to let them know I’ll be late-late. Because, oh, guess what? This late-ass Q is now running local instead of express. A 3-year-old-girl is pummeling her older brother while their dad plays a phone game. Her brother pushes her and she falls on my shoes, the dad finally looks up. I double check that I’ve registered to vote.

4:17 p.m.

I finally meet Emily outside in line. We have standing tickets and Haley has a seat so she already went in. We chat, see Tiffany Hadish walk in (she ready, I mumble enthusiastically to myself) and I think Carmen Electra? It is raining and the line is outside.

4:23 p.m.

No room at the inn! Someone tells one person at the front of the line that we all have to go home and it quickly becomes the world’s saddest/grouchiest game of telephone. Em and I are both a little bummed and decide to just head home rather than wait to see people exit. I get back on the Q train, it is running as it should.

I’m a little annoyed and frustrated and the high of last night’s New York magic has worn off. The afternoon was stressful, challenging, disappointing and no one likes to feel like they’re being left out. It felt like what I was nervous would happen (“mmm you’re not cool!”) happened and I know it’s not personal and I know it’s not an actual big deal but I’m just…over it.

5:20 p.m.

Grab some groceries on the walk home, come back to send a few emails, update a few headlines and check in on everyone else. My ticket for Pyer Moss is standing also and I’m feeling a little Eeyore-ish and think about skipping it. My friend Morgan’s birthday is tonight and so is my friend Michelle’s goodbye and I could use the extra energy/hours. But I ultimately decide against ditching. So I eat too much cheese, sigh and put on my shoes, and head out the door. Feel free to bookmark that as an inspirational quote.

6:30 p.m.

The show is in Brooklyn at the Weeksville Heritage Center so I splurge on a Lyft since it’s kind of close. I get there and just like that, I’m back in it. Roughly 98% of the people outside are black and there are some fantastic outfits. I bump into my new pal Simon who was smart enough to wear a rain poncho. We wait in line for a bit which gives me ample time to covet the Pyer Moss sweatshirts the staff and crew are wearing. There are also staff members with shirts that say “If You’re Just Hearing About Pyer Moss We Forgive You.” I’ll take two. I don’t know anyone but it’s fine, because I’m just happy to be there.

7 p.m.

I walk into the space and it’s amazing. It is full on raining so it’s a bit of a bummer that it’s outside but very much worth it. I wander over to the back where the historic houses are. Which, I feel like I should explain something here: I LOVE historic homes and historic house tours. Like 80% of my personality is loving historic homes. These particular historic homes are the Hunterfly Road Houses , built at the height of Weeksville’s time as a thriving free black community in the 19th and early 20th century. Okay. Back to fashion. Shaun Ross is here! I think MJ Rodriguez is here too! Karruche is for sure here!

7:15 p.m.

A jazz quartet walks out. They’re all dressed in white and posted up to the side of the houses: I’m about to witness some black excellence, I think to myself. I’m standing by the stage manager and hear her say “the choir is coming out now” into a headset. Which, okay, sorry to keep doing this — I LOVE choirs, and while we’re here on this historic black site about to watch a black designer send black models down the runway while a jazz quartet plays, I watch this choir come out and think about how much being in choir helped shaped my identity and community and realize that, at this moment, it feels a bit like a community, and I get in my feelings, just a little bit. What would it have been like to see this future for myself? What is it like to grow up now with all these infinite ways to be black and successful?

8ish p.m.

The show is over and it was incredible. Yellow pleather overalls, a yellow mesh dress that I would not be surprised to see on MR sometime in the future, gorgeous pleated pants, amazing graphic prints and a gospel choir that swag surf-ed. I would see a look and think of a black actor it would be perfect for, or a friend (I’m matchmaking Crystal and those pleather overalls for sure). It just felt special.

It’s been a rough couple of news days, so standing in that space in awe of all that we do and all that we create was the first time I truly felt what it means for fashion to transcend clothing or magazines or trends. To be at the heart of how fashion can be the start of a conversation or even a feeling.

There was a cookout, with Hennesy, duh, but I decided to leave on a high note. I turned around to look at the Hunterfly Houses all lit up as an amazing 90s R&B mix floated out from the party and I remember why I love New York. That all parts of myself are given a place to thrive, to be seen. That in three days you can see different pieces of what matter to you reflected back in all of the crazy glory of the city at its most insane. I’m signing off to celebrate a friend and say goodbye to another, to give thanks for this city and the people that fill it.

Feature photo by Simon Chetrit. 

[reallygroovyninja]

This took me forever to fill out and my answers are boring

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Random Questions for LGBT Ladies #LGBTask

Below are some questions pertaining to LGBT+ women, conveniently categorized. Have others send you random numbers (there’s 130 of them), or simply answer them yourself. Please reblog!

 SEXUALITY & COMING OUT:

1. How do you define your sexuality? Lesbian

2. What pronouns do you use to identify yourself? Me, Myself and I – I am not into the whole pronoun thing

3. At what age did you first suspect that you are sexually attracted to other girls? 11 or 12

4. At what age did you come to terms with your sexuality? 17

5. Did you have an “aha I like girls” moment or was it more of a gradual realization? It was a more gradual realization

6. How did your sexuality make you feel before you came out? Confused af

7. How did you become comfortable with your sexuality? Talking to someone who made me realize my feelings were ok to have.

8. At what age did you first come out? 18

9. Who was the first person you came out to? How did they take it? A friend and she stated ”About damn time”  

10. Do your parents know about your sexuality? My dad had already passed away so I don’t know if he ever suspected. I am betting he did and yes, my mom knows.

11. How out are you? Very. I don’t hide the fact

12. Do you now identify as something different than when you first came out? I do. I kinda waffled with bi for a year or so.

13. Was anyone surprised when you came out or did people seem to already know? I think most people suspected my attraction to females

14. Has coming out lost you any friends? Not that I was aware of. Coming out when I did at 18 and then moving out of state for college I lost contact with people.

15. How soon after meeting someone do you usually tell them about your sexuality? I judge the situation. It does come out eventually but I am not going to advertise it in work situations etc.

16. How difficult do you find it to sympathize with straight women? I have no problem with it

17. Have you ever wished you were completely straight? No

18. Agree or disagree: Everyone is at least a little bit gay. – Anyone could be a little bit gay in the right situation

19. If you are not a lesbian, about what percentage of the time you find yourself attracted to other girls? n/a

20. Do you think it is possible to be a true 50/50 bisexual, or is the percentage always skewed towards one gender? Most bisexuals I have met have said I am bisexual but lean towards whatever. I guess it’s possible to be attracted to either sex equally

21. How often do you find yourself trying to sneak a peek or staring at a cute girl? When I was single I would do it all the time

22. How accurate is your gaydar? I think when they were passing out gaydar I got in the line for male gaydar. I can pick a gay man out of a crowded room but be totally oblivious to women.

 RELATIONSHIPS & DATING:

23. What is your current relationship status? Married

24. What is the longest relationship you’ve been in? Are you still with that person? 8 years and yes

25. Do you remember anything about the first time you kissed another girl? I was nervous and I remember thinking fuck I am actually kissing a girl.

26. Are you a virgin? If not, what gender did you lose your virginity to? Sorry not a gold star lesbian

27. What is your ideal first date? Something simple like a walk in the park just getting to talk with each other

28. What personality trait are you most attracted to? It’s a toss-up between sense of humor and intelligence

29. How flirty are you? Not very flirty at all.

30. Would you ever want to get married, if not already? I am married

31 Do you want have children someday? Yes

32. Would you ever want to give birth? We decided as a couple if we had children I would try to conceive

33. How often are you asked if you have a boyfriend? Not as much now as when I was single

34. Have you ever liked or dated a girl with the same name as you? No

35. Have you ever been on your period the same time as a girlfriend? Unfortunately, yes

36. Have you and a girlfriend ever been mistaken for sisters? No

37. Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship? Yes

38. Have you ever dated a guy? Yes

39. Has a girl ever dumped you for a guy? Have you? Not that I am aware of and no

40. Has another girl ever hit on you? Yes

41. Have you ever had a crush on a straight girl? Of course, what lesbian hasn’t

42. Have you ever had a crush on a woman who’s significantly older than you? Yes, to a college professor

43. Would you ever date a trans woman? Hmm, I guess if I was attracted to them I could give it a shot

44. Have you ever had a profile on a LGBT dating website or app? yes

45. Where do you think is the best place to meet a potential lover? I don’t think there is a best place because I know people who have met their s/o in all kinds of different places.

46. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? I am not a hopeless romantic but I can be very romantic when I want to be.

 PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

47. Have you ever cut your hair super short? If not, would you ever want to? No and I think I would look weird with super short hair.

48. Is your nose pierced? No

49. What is your opinion on septum/bull nose piercings? Not my thing but I’m not going to judge you if you do.

50. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? No

51. How muscular are you? I will go with I am toned but far from muscular

52. Are you or have you ever been a tomboy? I was when I was little but grew out of it

53. Have you ever been told that you’re too pretty to be gay? Yes

54. Have you ever been mistaken as a dude? No

 FASHION STYLE:

55. Do you wear skirts and dresses? If so, how often? I do but not very often these days. The joys of being a work at home employee

56. Do you wear high heels? If so, how often? I can wear high heels but don’t do it very often

57. How much jewelry do you typically wear? I am not a big jewelry person so necklace, watch and normally my wedding band but it needs to be resized. My fingers are thinner now

58. How much makeup do you typically wear? I’m a minimalist unless the occasion calls for more

59. How often do you wear a bra? Every day

60. How often do you wear flannel? Only in the winter and on occasion.

61. Have you ever worn a suit? Not a men’s suit

62. Do you wear any shoes such as combat boots, Doc Martins or Timberlands? I live in the Northeast so everyone owns Tims for the winter

63. Do you carry a purse? Sometimes

64. Do you wear any hats such as snapbacks or beanies? Not very often but I do own a few

65. Have you ever worn any men’s clothing? I love men’s basketball shorts. So damn comfy and perfect for lounging around in  

66. Have you ever dressed in complete drag? No

67. Have you ever shared clothes with a girlfriend? Yes

68. If you want to get married, do you think you will wear a dress? I think if we renewed our vows I would

 ENTERTAINMENT:

69. Who is your favorite LGBT celebrity? I don’t think I have one

70. Have you ever watched The L Word? Some of the seasons

71. Have you ever watched Will & Grace? I have seen a few episodes

72. Have you ever watched RuPaul’s Drag Race? I have but I get annoyed with the bickering

73. How well do you feel LGBT women are portrayed on television? Stop killing off the gays and we would be in better shape

74. Do you listen to any LGBT musicians (i.e. Tegan & Sara, Melissa Etheridge, Chely Wright, Elton John, Sam smith, George Michael, Adam Lambert)? I don’t go out of my way to listen to them

75. Do you watch any LGBT YouTubers? Yes

76. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed movie? Not really

77. Do you have a favorite LGBT themed blog or website? I guess After Ellen

78. Do you read any LGBT magazines? No

79. Have you read any LGBT themed literature? If so, do you have any recommendations? I have but nothing I can think of to recommend at the moment

80. Is there such a thing as “good” lesbian porn? Considering most lesbian porn is for men to get off on it would seem there isn’t but some does exist.

 THIS OR THAT:

81. Boobs or butts? I do love both but its butts for me

82. Beer or wine? I don’t drink either. I am a hard liquor kind of girl

83. Ellen or Portia? I guess Portia. I am totally not into Ellen at all.

 BEING (SOMEWHAT) RANDOM:

84. How much do you like cats? I own one

85. Have you ever been to a gay bar or a gay club? Yes

86. How many LGBT friends do you have? A few

87. Do you have any LGBT relatives? I’m not that close to many of my relatives but I am sure there are a couple in there

88. Have you ever used any words (or variations of) such as lesbian, queer, gay, or homosexual as a password? Thanks for the suggestion I have never used any of those

89. How outdoorsy are you? I don’t consider myself outdoorsy

90. Have you ever driven an SUV, Jeep, or pickup truck? I do own an SUV

91. How many rainbow items do you own? I have a couple gay pride shirts

92. Have you ever celebrated National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11)? No

93. Have you ever participated in the National Day of Silence? Never heard of it

94. Have you ever attended a GSA (Gay Straight Alliance) type of club? Not even in college

95. Have you ever attended a PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) meeting? No

96. Have you ever attended a gay or lesbian wedding? Yes

97. Have you ever been part of a softball team? In high school I was on the team

98. Do you skateboard or longboard at all? Not in a while. I would probably bust my ass skateboarding

99. Do you play any video games? That is my stress reliever at times

 FROM 1-10, HOW ATTRACTIVE ARE:

100. Muscular women? 4

101. Women who wear glasses? 10 – Glasses are fucking sexy

102. Women who are covered with tattoos? 4

103. Women who are covered with piercings? 1

104. Curvy/plus-sized women? 7 – I don’t mind curves at all

105. Women with short hair? 5

106. Highly intelligent women? 8

107. Tall women (i.e. around 1.83 meters/6 feet or taller)? 5

108. Masculine/butch women? 5

 GETTING SERIOUS:

109. What does equality mean to you? Just like the definition - the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities.

110. Do you consider yourself a feminist? I do

111. Do you eat meat at all? I love a good steak

112. Are you religious at all? I’m not into organized religion but I have my beliefs

113. Did you vote for Hillary Clinton? Yes

114. How do you feel when platonic female friends refer to each other as girlfriends? Doesn’t bother me

115. How do you feel when people use the word gay to mean things such as stupid, dumb, boring, or idiotic? I dislike it

116. Are you comfortable with terms such as lezzie, lesbo, dyke, homo, or tranny? I don’t say them

117. What are your views on gender identity and bathroom use? Unisex bathrooms so we can end this debate

118. Do you have any opinions on LGBT people in the military? I have no problem with it at all.

119. Have you ever been called a gay slur? Yes

120. Have you ever been queer bashed? No

121. Have you ever been discriminated against because or your sexuality or gender identity? If so, please explain. No

122. Does it really get better? As I get older I find it does get better.

123. How did you feel on June 26, 2015? My marriage was finally legal

124. How accepting of LGBT people is the city/community you live in? I’ve never encountered an issue

125. Have you ever tried to “pray the gay away”? No

126. How annoyed are you with how heteronormative society is? Doesn’t bother me

127. What LGBT stereotype do you most disagree with?  gay men are feminine and less of a man because they are gay.

128. Is there anything about the LGBT community that you wish you knew before coming out? How judgmental some people are within the LGBT community  

129. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to figure out her sexuality? You don’t have to put a label on your sexuality. Sometimes it just takes time to figure things out.

130. What advice would you give to a girl who is struggling to come out? Don’t let people pressure you to come out. Do it on your own terms.

#all about me #and my sexuality