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extravaguk · 3 years

Text

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

wordcount: 15k

genre: summer!au, ex high school classmaters, kinda frenemies to lovers, tattoo artist!&piercing artist!jungkook, popular!reader

rated: m (fluff - smut - angst)

warnings: you broke jungkook's heart you bitch!! , oral sex (m&f), protected sex (shocking tbh), CL as your bestie it doesnt get better than that! idk i dont wanna spoil too much

author's note: fucking finally dude!! i've been writing this since february but school was kicking my ass. now that i finished my exams and mercury is in gemini i was able to finish it. if you read this, i hope you enjoy it!

Inkphoria

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping the flyer too tightly, rumpling the paper in your hand until you're pretty much sure it's ruined. It's the first day of June, and it's already too hot. The sun and humid weather are causing beads of sweat to form in your hairline and your white tank top to stick to your skin. Your jean shorts didn't feel this uncomfortable a few hours ago and you're sure the heat is causing your mascara to transfer to your eyelids and lower lashline. You've never needed a slushie and a smoke this bad in forever, even if you knew the later would make your parents lose their shit.

Inkphoria

You read it again. Your brain is trying to guess what font its written in, an excuse to try to steady your heart beat until your nerves ease a little and you can finally gather the courage to step into the damn shop. You've noticed a few people passing by giving you strange looks because maybe it hasn't been fifteen minutes. Perhaps you've been unmoving like an idiot in the middle of the street for longer than you want to admit.

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

'Its not that much of a big deal. It's not even that painful, trust me.'

You wish you could trust your best friend, but your best friend is also the same woman who assured you Cats was the movie of the year. Yes, not 'Cats: The Musical'. 'Cats', the movie.

'And this could be a great start to get out of your comfort zone and start living your life exactly the way you want to, not the way people expect you to. Not the way your family wants you to, not the way Adam wanted you to.'

But although her credibility could sometimes be questionable - like that time she also told you she'd tried marmite and 'honestly, it's not as bad as people make it out to be'-, you also didn't trust anybody in this world as much as you trusted her. She had always been your entire support system, the only one around you who never sugarcoated, who always treated you as an equal, who was always there for you to help you discover yourself and, at the same time, remind you of who you were.

'And it's gonna look so hot, too.'

That's it. Sticking the wrinkled flyer on your back pocket, your feet finally start moving. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing open the door.

The first thing you notice is that, thankfully, the shop is empty. The second thing you notice is the bright sky blue walls, a green undertone peaking through. Your eyes scan nervously the interior. Frames with tattoo designs and people modeling other different designs decorate the walls, some skateboards also hanging from the ceiling. A few plants in the corner, and two leather couches on either side of the room. Your scanning stops on the counter, where a girl with short, platinium hair and -what you guess is- the eighty percent of her body inked. Face included. She's been looking at you, a smirk tugging at her lips. Her tone is amused when she speaks

"Hi." she says. "You can come closer, you know? We don't bite."

Great. As if you couldn't feel more out of place, apparently you also couldn't look more out of place.

"Sorry." you gulp as you walk forward. "It's my first time doing anything like this."

She laughs this time, but it's not mean. It's not mocking, thank God, and the smile she sends you is as warm as the weather, friendly, luckily helping you calm down a bit. "A virgin, huh? JK's gonna love this." your eyes jump in surprise, but she's fast to wave her hands in front of you. "Just a joke. So, first time getting a tattoo. You have something in mind, honey?"

"Um, no. Not a tattoo. Not yet, I think." you wet your lips, regretting not reaplying chapstick before stepping inside. "A piercing."

"Oh! Cool!" she claps her hands, too excited for your own taste, pulling from under the counter a catalogue. "So, where will it be? Cartilogue? Nose? A lot of people are getting their septums pierced right now, though, so you might-"

"Nipples. Like, one of them."

Her gaze finds yours in surprise, although her face swiftly transforms again into an amiable expression. "Now, that's badass. Alright!" she skims through the pages of the catalogue until she finds the nipple piercing collection. You scratch your head before wiping your forehead sweat-free. "You can pick either barbells or hoops, although barbells heal faster and they don't move around as much. There's different kinds of metal, too. Gold or platinium. If your skin is sensitive, I recommend titanium. It's hypoallergenic and not as problematic."

The blonde keeps talking as you nod your head, a smile making its way into your face while silently thanking her for her easygoing personality. It quickly makes you feel comfortable and stupid for being so terrified of doing this.

Once you decide, settle on the cost and sign the papers, she stands up from the stool she'd been sitting on. "Ok, I'll go tell my coworker. He's been sketching tattoos all morning, it's time he gets to work!" she laughs, but suddenly your smile banishes and your throat shuts down.

"He?" your alarmed tone halts her motions and she looks back at your frightened expression.

He? A he is going to pierce your nipple? You're about to let a random stranger, a HE, see and touch one of your boobs and then pierce a needle through one of your nipples?

"Oh, baby, don't worry. I'd do it myself if I knew how to, but I only do tattoos. Most of our staff are on summer vacation so it's mostly just him and I. If you don't feel comfortable, which is totally understandable, you can wait until september when Minzy comes back and she can do it for you." It's her turn to scratch the back of her head as she adds: "but trust me, we're professionals. He's not a creep or anything like that. He's been doing this for a long time. He won't cross any boundaries."

September? You won't even be here in september. Fuck.

Sure, you could do it when you move back into the city. But this summer was supossed to be the summer. You already decided after your breakup with Adam that there would be no trace of the old you. That it was time to push yourself, to do the things that you've always wanted to do, unapologetically. To find the new you, the real you. To stop being scared.

So after going through you options for a few seconds and taking a deep breath, you make up your mind.

"It's fine. I can do it."

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"JK, sweetheart!"

Jungkook is finishing drawing a Chinese dragon when Mijoo opens the door without knocking. Again. He puts the pen down, rubbing his eyes. It's monday, a slow monday, not much work, and he had hoped it would stay that way until closing time. It's summer and Jungkook hates summer. He hates the heat, he hates being drenched in sweat, and he hates the fact that he can do nothing about it. Because working in the summer is terrible. Summer makes him lazy, makes him want to bathe in a tub full of iced water and not get out until he turns into a raisin and october comes. It makes him irritable. Summer makes him annoyed by people -like Mijoo, even if he loves her to death- and himself.

"I got a girl here who wants a nipple piercing, her first piercing by the way, so get your shit ready and bla bla bla. Straight titanium barbell. Also, don't flirt and don't be creepy. She almost ran away when I told her a male was going to be touching and piercing her tit, be mindful of that. She's too cute, if you want to get her number you should wait until it's done. I think that's it. I'll bring her in in a minute."

Mijoo leaves as fast as she talks, but Jungkook is already used to it. He's already used to the headaches her mouth causes too. He sighs before standing up, tying his too-long raven hair into the best bun he can manage. He washes his hands, sets the table up, sits on the chair and puts the gloves on. He's too busy sterilizing the jewerly when Mijoo comes back with you.

"Alright, my babies. I'll leave you to it." she turns to you. "He'll explain everything, from how the process will be to how to take care of it after it's done." she leaves before saying bye, closing the door behind her, and then he finally turns to you.

Your eyes meet and suddenly everything stops. He almost drops the sterilizing machine, his whole body tensing, going into panic mode as he recognizes you immediatly. His hands shake.

Of course he does. Of course he recognizes his high school crush. The too goody two shoes, too pretentious and too rich, too good for everybody and, most importantly, 'too good for Jeon Jungkook' girl of his high school dreams. Of course he recognizes the girl he had confessed his stupid crush to when he was sixteen. Of course he recognizes the girl who rejected and broke his young and foolish heart when he was a dumb teenager.

It doesn't matter that six years have passed ever since. He still knows every lock of your hair like the palm of his hand. He still remembers the shape of your lips and the exact shade of your eyes. He can still identify the body he fantasized about -and jacked off to- when he was a hormonal teen, now filled in all the right places. Now a grown woman.

Just one look at you after years and years of pining is enough to almost make him faint. And grow a boner under his jeans.

And by the look on your face, your eyes wide and your mouth agape, you recognize him as well.

Dammit.

He schools his features and clears his throat. Forces his body to relax and compose himself, because he's not a teenager anymore. He's also a grown man, who has matured, who now has much more experience with women than he did back then. He had already embarrased himself enough when he was sixteen to be doing it all over again. You're just another attractive girl in a sea of attractive women.

He turns to you. You still haven't said anything. Neither has he.

"Um, you can sit on the table." he manages, motioning to the set up in front of him. He watches you taking doubtful steps until you're sitting down, your eyes avoiding his gaze. He almost forgot you were here to get pierced. Holy shit, you were here to get pierced. To get your nipple pierced.

You're a professional, Jungkook. You can do this, Jungkook. You've seen boobs before, Jungkook. You've pierced nipples before, Jungkook.

Clearing his throat again and forcing his hands to stay by his side, he speaks. "The... The top." your gaze finds his, like a puppy about to get scolded. You look at your top, realization dawning on you. "You don't have to take it off. You can just pull it down."

So you do, pulling the straps of the white tank top down and dragging the fabric down with trembling fingers. No bra. Jungkook gulps as your breasts comes into vision. As perfect as he had imagined years ago. His cock twitches. Round, full, perky and so damn inviting he has to hold himself back from latching onto one nipple with his mouth around it and swirling his tongue over the nub until you're a pretty, moaning, little mess on his piercing tabl-

He closes his eyes for just a second before reminding himself to act like the 23 year old Jungkook he's tried so hard to become. The confident, assured Jungkook he is.

"Okay, this is how it'll go. First I'll clean it and scrub it to get rid of any bacteria." he's so glad he hasn't stuttered yet. 23 year old Jungkook doesn't stutter like 17 year old Jungkook. He's also glad he can pick the alcohol bottle and the surgical scrub without trembling. When he faces you again, you're watching his motions with your lip caught between your teeth. That has him swallowing the lump in his throat.

Making eye contact with him again, you take a deep breath and offer a small nod, so he gets to work. He can show you and himself he's a grown man. A grown man who can pierce a nipple without appearing like it's the first time he's seen a boob in his life. The sooner he does it, the sooner it's over.

Jungkook wets the paper towel with alcohol before carefully wiping over your nub with it. Your back arches, probably from the cold feeling, he guesses. He rubs it a few times before throwing it in the trash can nearby. He avoids looking at how enticing the soft peak is salluting him when he reaches for the marker. He doesn't say anything when he dots it with it, jaw clenched and his dick painfully stiff.

"Lay back." his voice low as he commands, turning away to get the clamp. When he slides closer, he tries to ignore the view: you, with your hair sprawled and your sweaty, shiny skin and your eyes focused on the cieling, nipple fully erect, like the star of one of his most erotic dreams. He extends his free gloved hand before he can stop himself, fingers carefully working the nub until he's sure it's painfully hard. Almost as hard as he is.

You gasp, your back arching again. He stills and looks at you, your cheeks flushed pink. Probably from the heat, he guesses again. Or at least that's what he tells himself. He can't stop himself from wondering how responsive would you be in a different setting, most likely his bed while his teeth play with your breast and his cock dives into-

"You okay?" he studies your face, your eyes not meeting his and instead still focusing on the white ceiling.

"Mhm." you reply with a small voice.

"Relax, alright? It'll be over soon." his voice is as gentle as he can, his fingers mindlessly caressing your breast to try to soothe your nerves. Or maybe it's just because he's a selfish bastard. Whatever it is, he forces himself to bring the clamp to your nipple, securing it around it.

"Take a few deep breaths. This will only take a second of pain and then it will go away." He misses the way your mouth falls open, but he doesn't miss the way your eyes squeeze tight as the needle goes in.

"Ah!" he definitely doesn't miss that either. He goes rigid for a second, because that didn't fucking sound like a cry of painfulness. It's breathy, and whiny, not too loud and, for fucks sake, if that's how you sound when you're getting fucked, he swears to God-

He feels your heartbeat under his hands when he puts the barbell in and then the bandage over it. He takes a look at you, chest moving up and down. And then you take a look at him and what he sees is almost enough to take you right there.

Reddened cheeks, drops of sweat framing your face and those eyes glazed with something he's seen too much in the women he's fucked throughout his life. They're half lidded, mascara adorning your long lashes and almost smudged, looking right through him.

"Jungkook..." and your voice, as you say his name -acknowledging him for the first time since you stepped into his shop, for the first time since you were sixteen-, it's hoarse, almost inaudible, like you just came all over his-

He's on his feet in an instant like he's been burned. "It may bleed for the first week, and it can be really sore. The swelling will eventually come down." he's quickly tidying up the table, a bottle in his hand that he hands to you without looking directly. "Wash it gently with this soap and warm water once per day. Don't touch it. Wear a comfortable...bra. If it gets crusty, clean it with saline. Not alcohol or any other thing you might clean a wound with. The soap I just gave you or saline. Nothing else."

He's pacing around the room as he takes his gloves off and throws them in the trash bin, too agressively maybe, then he keeps rambling, like he's hurriedly trying to make you leave as soon as possible. "Avoid pools and the sea. It takes about six months to a year to heal, so don't... don't touch it, don't play with it or..." he clears his throat, "don't let anyone else play with it. And if it gets infected, come back immediately and I'll take a look at it." which he honestly hopes it won't happen. When he faces you, your top is back on and you're getting off the table.

"Alright, um...I'll do that." clearing your throat, your hand gripping the doorknob. "Thank you."

But right before you can exit the room, Jungkook says your name.

"_____." when you turn around to face him, it takes a few seconds for him to make eye contact from across the room. "It was good to see you."

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"Let me see!"

It's the first thing Chaelin says when she opens the door to her appartment. It's on the second floor, small enough to compare it to most expensive appartments you'd stayed in throughout your life, but big enough for Chaelin, her cat and her -impressive- collection of acrylic nail kits and pairs of high heels. It's also big enough for her to offer you the only guest room until summer is over so you didn't have to, one, stay at your parents' place, and two, find an appartment in a short period of time for a short period of time.

When you left years ago, you did so with the thought of 'never looking back'. You never really expected to return here, of all places. Maybe visit your best friend for a weekend at most, have dinner with your parents on a saturday and then go back to the new life you'd made for yourself on a sunday.

But that was before you'd caught Adam cheating.

Tale as old as time: childhood sweethearts get engaged, move in together, son of a bitch sleeps with the assistand he told his girlfriend not to worry about, and then the brokenhearted girl packs her bags and leaves the cheating bastard begging for her to come back.

You'd be lying if you said you were surprised.

Throughout your life, you'd learned to expect many things, regardless of being sheltered and babied by your family since you were born. Watched too much Maury and Dr.Phil. Too much Gossip Girl to know what the deal with life really is.

So, thankfully, you'd only shed a few tears, mostly because your ego and self steem were slightly triggered. You'd realize long before that your feelings for Adam started to disappear once he popped the question and you said yes. Your love story began as teenagers but soon after graduating, the two of you went on different paths: you'd matured, grown into your twenties while he got stuck at 17 and never stopped acting as such.

So yeah, whatever, break ups are hard. But they're not as hard when the love is gone and the sole reason to stay with your partner is to please your parents. You were also right when you expected your mom to tell you to 'forgive and forget' because 'those things just happen, it's not a big deal, honey'.

But above all things, the last thing you expected to happen when you came back was to show your tits and get pierced by none other than motherfucking Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook. Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

The lanky nerd with braces, glasses and an anime obsession much bigger than his hentai obsession, which is saying a lot. The shy, awkward classmate who'd stuttered his undying crush for you when you were just kids. That one who you had rudely rejected like the bitch you used to be in high school.

But my God, Jeon Jungkook was anything but a kid now.

You were shocked. You were gagged. Couldn't seem to fathom what was happening and what your eyes were seeing. It took you a while to close your mouth when you realized JK was Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie.

With messy black hair, a smoldering gaze free of glasses, piercings adorning both ears, and his right eyebrow,, the braces long gone showing perfectly straight - but still bunny like- teeth. The clothes he wore were loose, all black, but it was impossible not to notice the muscles of his back and arms, covered with tattoos from his hands to his forearms. You'd bet there were more of them underneath the fabric.

It was awkward at first. You didn't know what to do, or what to say. Didn't know if he rememberd you. So you chose to stay quiet while your body chose to react like it had never been in the presence of an attractive young man in it's entire life.

And oh, did it react.

He was reluctant, his old timid demeanor peeking through his newly adopted persona. But as soon as those hands came in contact with your skin, your whole body was lit on fire. Like you were 16 and losing your virginity over again and it was the first time a dude touched your boobs.

There shouldn't have been anything erotic about it -besides the fact that your entire breasts were exposed-, it should've been just a professional procedure. But those gloved fingers touched and pinched and suddenly you were too aware of Jeon Jungkook and the way you were starting to sweat profously, not due to the heat of the season.

You tried to distract yourself by looking at the cieling and not at his gorgeous face. Tried to avoid thinking about Jeon Jungkook and how his mouth would feel wrapped around you. Tried not to think about the way your panties were a second skin to your folds, and how tempted you were to grind your hips until you recieved some sort of friction with the jean fabric of your shorts. You wonder if he noticed you squeezing your thighs together. You hope not.

And then the needle happened. You never thought of yourself as a particularly kinky person. Sex with Adam was boring for the most part and you'd lost your libido for a long time. Stopped thinking about sex altogether. But the pain. The pain mixed with his hand rubbing soothing circles on your breast and his voice, as sweet as honey, guiding you through it. It made you reconsider a lot of things you'd once dismissed as 'weird' or 'deviant'

You swear you almost came right on his table.

And then your eyes connected, you made the mistake of calling his name like a satisfied woman who still needed more, and it was all gone. He stood up like a scared cat, gave you a bunch of explanations about the aftercare that you barely grasped without even looking at you and pretty much rushed you to leave.

So you walked, all the way from the tattoo parlor to Chaelin's appartment, mortified, and completely humilliated.

"Are you gonna let me see or not?" your friend says expectantly as you finally sit down after chugging a glass of iced water. You sigh, placing the glass on the table before carefully pulling down your top. "Oh my God, it looks so cool!" she gasps and you can't help a smile while she studies it in amazement. "Did it hurt?"

"Um, I guess." you keep out the part where you almost orgasmed, obviously, stopping her hand from touching when she reaches towards you. "Wait, no. He said something about not touching it for like six months or a year, I don't remember."

At that, Chaelin's eyebrows quirk up. "He? It was a he? Was he cute, at least?"

"You won't believe this..." looking away for a few seconds, you take a deep breath. "It was Jeon Jungkook."

There's a pause, a silence that fills the room when Chaelin's jaw drops. "Jeon Jungkook...pierced your nipple?"

You close your eyes, bracing yourself for what you're a hundred percent sure is coming.

"Ha..." there it is. "Ha ha..." you still know there's more. "Ha ha ha..."

Chaelin laughs hysterically for about God knows how long, while you keep drinking your glass of water unfaced, your mind drifting back to Guk. Gukkie. Jeongukkie, his tattoos and his stupid gloved hands.

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You know he's here.

Everything was cool, you were doing alright, having a great time with your vodka sprite in hand and your cute white bikini on. Chaelin was by your side, the guys were excited to have you back and thankfully, you'd avoided most questions about Adam and they'd avoided digging too deep into the topic. You'd sunbathed the whole afternoon, kept away from the water like he'd told you and ate the Hawaiian pizza Yoongi insisted on ordering despite Namjoon's and Jimin's complaints.

It's at night, when you're a little tipsy and your cheeks are flushed, that you feel it. You'd barely noticed Taehyung disappearing to let in a new guest.

You don't see him, but you feel him.

You're sitting on the pool tile steps, legs dangling and the water baely reaching your belly to make sure it doesn't touch your very sensitive and newly pierced nipple. Your back is facing the sliding glass doors of Hoseok's house, but the moment you hear his voice, smooth but animated as he converses with Taehyung, your body wakes up immediately, back straightening, goosebumps forming on your arms and nipples tightening against the fabric of your two piece.

You don't turn around, instead opting for downing the remaining of your drink and coming to the realization that, of course, Taehyung, social butterfly who'd always got along with everybody and remained friends with most people from high school, still keeps in touch with Jungkook.

You ignore him when he enters the pool, still peering from the corner of your eyes while pretending to be engaged in Chaelin's and Jihyo's conversation. Your mind sabotages you by taking you to that day a week ago at the tattoo parlor.

To the warmth of his hand, to the few strands of hair that his small ponytail couldn't keep together, to the way his eyes focused on such an intimate part of your body, to the endless ink decorating his skin, to-

Great. Now your bottoms are wet and not due to the water.

You don't miss Chaelin supressing a laugh and her not so subtle elbowing. You glance at her in warning and try to keep calm for the next fifteen minutes until Jin proposes moving to the living room to watch a movie.

"I'm gonna stay here for a little longer, guys." you say, after clearing your throat. You needed some time to gather yourself before being in a confined space with Jungkook.

"Are you sure?" Jin stops by your side to place a hand on your shoulder as everybody starts exiting the pool. "It's Mean Girls! You love Mean Girls! You never miss a minute of Mean Girls!"

Rolling your eyes, you wave him dismissively. "I know every dialogue on Mean Girls like the back of my hand, I think I'll be alright, Jin."

When everybody finally leaves, you take a deep breath, covering your face with your hands in an attempt to get him out of your head. Damn Jeon Jungkook and his irresisitble glow up.

"You okay?"

The unexpected voice startles you, a gasp finding its way out of your mouth and causing you to jump on your seat, heartbeat erratic as you instantly recognize who it belongs to. Your hand grasps your chest as if that would do anything to protect yourself against him.

"Shit, don't do that!" you say, the words almost getting stuck in your throat as you see him approaching you, still submerged in the pool. The more he nears you, the less water depth there is and the more visible his torso comes into view. Wich was exactly what you'd been avoiding.

Because Jeon Jungkook was ripped, as you'd imagined when you first encountered him.

Broad shoulders and strong biceps and chiseled abs and veiny forearms. Drenched hair, a full sleeve of tattoos and water dripping from delicious tan skin and all just so very hard. That paired up with a loopsided smile that does nothing but make you shudder.

"Sorry." he doesn't sound apologetic at all when he says that, the smirk adorning his features telling. "You just seemed a little off." you advert your gaze when he pushes his hair back.

"I'm fine, just...just wanted to be by myself."

"Oh" Jungkook's smile disappears. "I can leave, if you want me t-"

"No!" you're not sure where that comes from and neither does he, judging by the look on his face when your eyes find his. Eyebrows raised and mouth slightly parted, he's as surprised as you and there's an awkward silence for a few seconds. "Um, you don't have to. I mean, it's not my house, you can do whatever you want." you sniff and tame your voice, trying to seem cool and collected like you didn't just practically beg him not to go.

Ironic, considering this was exactly what you had been fearing for the past thirty minutes.

And then he smiles. A knowing smile. A smile that says 'you just totally checked me out and now you don't want me to leave'. A smile that you would have never associated with Jeon Jungkook of all people years ago. A smile that makes you want to look away but still keeps you in place.

"Sure." he says, closing the space between the two of you slowly but still leaving enough distance. "So, how's it going?"

You clear your throat, head high and determined not to let this man, or any man for that matter, turn you into a trembling mess. You're still you and you're not easily shaken by the opposite sex. Or at least that's what you helplessly chant in your head.

"Everything's cool. I'm on summer vacation now," a little white lie, "so I decided to-"

"The piercing." he says, the smile never leaving his face. "I meant how's the piercing."

"The pier- right." you almost miss the step he takes forward, all too aware of his height over yours but thankful for the centimeters that being propped on the stairs added to yours. "It's-" you almost, almost miss his knee touching your knee and him slightly separating your legs with his own inch by inch. Or how your thighs open unvoluntarely to welcome him in and how you can barely find coherent words to speak. "It's doing-" or the way his smile disappears and is instead focusing his dark stare fully onto yours.

"It's doing well." you finally say in a whisper, not being able to bring yourself to be louder.

He hums. "May I see it?" Jungkook wets his lips with the tip of his tongue and the action and his voice is enough to make you nod your head, bewitched.

His movements are unhurried, his hand coming up to tentatively come in contact with the flesh of your clavicle. His fingers skim through your skin upwards, his touch is feather-like when it wraps around your throat. You pant, and he stops but he doesn't move away, his eyes still focused on yours, studying you, daring you to pull back, to tell him to back off. But just a simple touch of his and you're fully under his control. It reminds you too much of the day you got that damn piercing.

Your lips are parted and for a moment he stays just like that. His body so close to yours but not close enough, and his hand slightly gripping your neck. Your pussy clenches around nothing and you can't wrap your head around the fact that something so simple sets your entire being alive and leaves you aching.

Then, as slow as he started, his hand travels from the front of your neck to the back, pushing your hair aside to carefully untie the straps of your bikini. He breathes through his nostrils, doesn't make a sound. He seems so collected it's starting to annoy you.

Instead, your breathing is ragged when the top falls down, exposing both your breasts to him. That's when he removes his eyes from yours and his jaw clenches. Your nipples perk up under his gaze, like they remember him and the effect he had on them just a week ago. You're at least glad you're not the only one affected but he seems to be a master at keeping it under wraps.

Then, his hand moves again, leaving goosebumps on your skin as it goes south. Jungkook takes his time, so deliberate you want to scream, until he's cupping your pierced breast, keeping away from the nipple just like he'd advised you a few days prior. You can't look away from his face, from his eyes observing you like you're a full course meal and he's been starving for days. You feel drops of water falling from his hair to your thighs, his thumb caressing your skin so delicately as it faintly nears your still tender nipple. Just nearing it, never touching it.

"Beautiful." his murmur is almost imperceptible and for a moment you think you've imagined it. Your back arches on its own, breast pushed against the palm of his hand, almost like your body is begging him to come closer, to touch you more, to feel you all over. He meets your eyes briefly, gauging your reaction, before going back to your chest. Suddenly, the grip on your breast tightens, fingers ever so softly squeezing your flesh. From your throat comes a mewl, your eyes shut and your legs close around his waist.

"Jungkook, please..." you whisper when you open your eyes. He looks at you, unvertainty written all over his face, lips bruised as if he had been biting on them too hard, gaze as glassy as yours. And just like that, the spell is broken. He blinks and his expression changes completely. Lips forming a straight line and jaw tight. His hand retracts, fixing your bikini top over your breasts before tying it around your neck like it originally was. Meanwhile your eyebrows crunch in confusion. But when you're about to start asking questions, he clears his throat.

"It's healing okay." he steps back, avoiding your eyes. "I'll see you inside."

Jungkook leaves the pool like nothing happened.

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Jungkook is fiddling, fixing the position of his glasses and combing through his straight hair with shaky hands, habits he's tried so hard to get rid of in his sixteen years of existence but still finds impossible to.

He can't help it. He's always been like this: the quiet and awkward kid in class who sits in the back, a misunderstood puppy in a sea of stronger dog breeds that could eat him alive. An outcast. Too geeky for his own good. Notebokes full of Dragon Ball doodles on the margins of the pages, the shelves in his room stacked with Marvel figurines, and a closet filled with outdated clothes that he has been inheriting from his older brother.

He has never been the type to stand out, always being overlooked by people like he's invisible. He doesn't mind though. He'd much rather be ignored than getting picked on by bullies like he used to in elementary school.

He never gets invited to parties. Ever. He's a nobody who barely speaks, and when he does he either stutters or manages to embarrass himself in one way or another. He's seen the look on people's faces when they look at him. Their eyes seem to scream 'weirdo' everytime he gets acknowledged.

So obviously the only reason he was invited to this particular party had a first and last name: Kim Taehyung. The only kid in Jungkook's entire life who didn't look at him in a funny way, the only kid who took the time to entangle in a random conversation with him after class and who seemed geniune enough to make Jungkook feel comfortable.

He's not sure how it happened, since Taehyung mostly hangs out with the cool kids. But somehow it did, and now Jungkook is uncomfortably standing in a living room full of drunk teens, looking directly at you.

You, the one girl Jungkook had been pining on for God knows how long. You, who are obviously too pretty, too popular, and way out of his league. You, with your plaid skirt and your polo shirt and those legs that never seem to end. You, who are sitting with your friends in a couch, drink in hand and visibly tipsy. And yet, he doesn't think he's ever seen anyone pull of the 'drunk-rosy-cheek' look better than you.

He can hear your laugh through the music and he already thinks it sounds better than whoever is playing in the background.

"Come on, Gukkie! Her friends are leaving and she's all by herself now! It's your chance" Taehyung's obviously drunk too because it took Jungkook a while to decypher his exact words. He'd disappeared for a while and now that he's back, he's pushing Jungkook in your direction.

"This was a mistake, Taehyung." Jungkook shakes his hair and steps back, quickly glancing at the front door to prepare his escape. But his new friend's grip on his hoodie keeps him in place.

"Guk, listen. The only thing you have to do, is walk up to her, and say 'hey I think you're, like, really pretty. Just letting you know. Bye!' That's it. Jung- Dude, Guk, seriously, look at me." Taehyung grabs Jungkook's cheeks, squishing them between his hands and forceing him to face him. "You've been crushing hard on her for years, my man. We're graduating and you won't see each other again. What's the worst thing that can happen? Getting rejected?"

Jungkook's eyebrows draw together. "Um, yeah?"

"Exactly! Getting rejected is not the end of the world, bro! It just means keep trying on other girls!" Taehyung releases his hold on Jungkook's cheeks. "I just think you're going to regret not telling your crush she's your crush. Who knows? Maybe in the future you two will get married."

Jungkook snickers, muttering a 'yeah right' under his breath. Still, he can't help the smile that Taehyung's words always seem to pull out of him.

"Now," Taehyung playfully slaps Jungkook before turning him in your direction again. "Go get 'em, tiger!"

"Okay," Mijoo's voice slices through Jungkook's memories. She's sitting on Jungkook's desk, munching on her brownies and looking at her coworker expectantly. "And then what?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sits back on his chair, already feeling the effects of Mijoo's baked goods. "And then I walked up to her, like a damn fool, stutter and all. And I say:" he clears his throat, making an effort to do his best teenage Gukkie impression."'Hey, _____, um, so, I think you're beautiful and I've had a crush on you since seventh grade, haha, just wanted to let you know.'"

Mijoo rolls her eyes, still chewing. "And then what?"

"And then she looked me up and down, giggled, fucking giggled, Mijoo, and said 'Who are you, again?'" Mijoo gasps and Jungkook closes his eyes, trying to force that recollecion out of his head.

"What a bitch." she can't help but laugh before apologizing. Jungkook merely shrugs his shoulders and takes another bite of his brownie. "She didn't say anything else?"

"She said something along the lines of:" he clears his throat again, this time, doing an impression of you. "'That's sweet and all but, you and I... we're not the same. And I have a boyfriend, so...' She said that like I didn't know, like I wasn't aware of the school's it couple! Like I was dumb!"

Mijoo nods. "And now you want to fuck her even more than you did in high school."

"I- No! Well, yes. Fuck, of course I want to sleep with her! But I just... can't."

"Why not?"

"Did you hear anything about what I just told you or were you too concentrated trying to get high?"

It's Mijoo's turn to roll her eyes. "I heard everything you just told me. I just don't understand what the problem is. You two were sixteen. Sure, she was a bitch about it, but Lord knows I've been a bitch my entire life and now I'm not anymore." Jungkook raises an eyebrow at that. "Okay, sometimes I can be nice. But the point is..." Mijoo finishes her piece of brownie before getting off of Jungkook's desk. "It's been, what? Nine? Ten years? People change, JK. You're the best example of that. You want to fuck her and she obviously wants to fuck you too. You're both adults." she wipes her hands on her shorts. "I think it's time you fulfill that high school fantasy of yours."

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You've made up your mind.

And by you, it means Chaelin has made up your mind.

It didn't take long to convince you though. That last interaction with Jungkook cause too many emotions stirring within you. It left you hot, it left you bothered, it left you confused. Sure, it also left you a little bit embarrassed like the first time, but above everything else, that interaction with Jungkook left you absolutely livid.

Because who the fuck did Jeon Jungkook, formerly known as Guk, Gukkie, Jungukkie, and currently known as JK, think he was to come near you, speed your heart rate's up, and then runaway like that?

You've spent days thinking about it. About that face, about that body, about those hands and- shit. You're doing it again.

You've spent days trying to push those intrusive thoughts. Spent days trying to bury what happened. You've spent days trying to keep quiet, not telling anyone about it and just wishing that stupid spark of desire simply went away.

But it has just been simply unavoidable. You haven't been able to ignore the sleepless nights with your brain drifting back to that night and forbidding your hand from slipping under your panties. Or the excessive amount of time during the day where images of him suddenly popped in your head and wouldn't go away, even with you squeezing your thighs to try to make the ache go away.

So you ended up ranting and ranting and ranting to the only person you could confide on, who is obviously your best friend. Your best friend, who's too smart for her own good and knows you too well for your liking. Because apparently your moodiness and snappy remarks couldn't go unnoticed.

And after explaining the fiasco over a bottle of wine -and minutes of endless laughing on Chaelin's part because, again, it's Gukkie you two were talking about and, according to her, this was "the most karmic thing I've ever seen"-, she gave you the best advice an older sister could ever give.

"Fuck him."

"I know right? Fuck him!"

"No. I mean, fuck him."

And now here you are. Right inside that room you stepped in weeks ago, confronting the man in question with the same confidence that has always distinguished you from others and trying to act like the fluttering inside your belly wasn't nauseauting.

"A date."

"Yes."

"You want to go on a date with me." this wouldn't be so hard if Jungkook didn't look so delectable in a plain white t-shirt and ripped jeans. You cross your arms over your chest, doing your best to not look down at the exposed skin of a man who obviously worked out a lot and apparently, never skipped leg day. "What's the catch?"

He's sitting on his chair, back resting comfortably and legs spread, narrowing his eyes at you and probably wondering why the girl at the front desk let you in without an appointment. Also, probably wondering if there was a catch to all of this.

"There's no catch. I just want to go to the fair this weekend. I'll ask Taehyung for your number and text you the date and the exact place we'll be meeting. Unless..." your quirk one of your eyebrows. "Unless you're already planning on how you'll chicken out this time."

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Of course, Jungkook says yes to going on a date with his high school crush but spends the following days overthinking every single thing.

He can't help but feel like it's kinda sketchy. What if you're planning your vendetta on him? What if you don't even show up and he ends up there looking like a damn idiot? What if you hate him and are just messing up with him? What if that incident in high school is going to repeat itself?

"If she doesn't show up, you simply move on and never speak to her again. It's that simple. She can't have that much power over you to cry about something like that." Mijoo had said that same day she let you in the tattoo parlor after you'd asked to see Jungkook. Jungkook's coworker hadn't even question you and just motioned you to Jungkook's room with a knowing smile on her face. Later that day, Jungkook had scolded her about it and she'd simply shrugged.

He considers cancelling, eyes reading the 'won't be able to make it, sorry (sad face emoji)' over and over again and fingers hovering over the send button so many times he's lost count. But then he remembers that comment of yours about him chickening out and Jungkook starts seeing red.

How couldn't you understand he's just terrified of you rejecting him one more time? Sure, Jungkook is now an adult who doesn't get butthurt over stuff like that. He's experienced too much after graduating from high school and he's a much stronger individual than his fragile self back was back then.

But something about you just makes him feel so... weak.

He still finds it impossible to concieve where he got the courage to approach you like that at Taehyung's pool, or how he brought himself to touch you for longer than a minute without coming in his pants. He'd enjoyed it too much. Allowing him to see you so exposed, just for him. He'd be so tempted to kiss you right there and then, to run his hands up and down your thighs and fully wrap your legs around him to let you known how much you'd affected him. Once you called his name, it was like he'd finally snapped out of it and backed away like he'd been burned by you. He spent the next twenty minutes trying to keep himself from pulling down his pants and jerking off in his friend's bathroom.

It's terrible. Because he feels like the teenager he used to be when you're around. Shy, insecure and overall a mess. You showing up in his life after so many years and now apparenly being interested in him seems like a dream that he's not sure he wants to keep being in or wake up from before it's too late and he falls back into that tumoltuous longing that will inevitably end up in heartbreak. His heartbreak.

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It's saturday night, he's standing by himself in the crowded fair at the spot. You're fifteen minutes late and he's already about to turn back and dip out. He feels too awkward and the nerves are eating him alive.

You're not going to show up. You're not going to show up and now he feels and looks even dumber than the time he told you he was crushing on you. You're not even going to show up and now he's going to come back home, get drunk by himself and curse your name for-

"Hey!" he turns around to the sound of your voice and sees you running towards him. "Sorry I'm late! I couldn't find my phone and spent like thirty minutes looking for it. Turns out, Sharon Stone, was taking a nap on top of it and I didn't even notice."

"Sharon Stone?"

"Chaelin's cat."

To be honest, he's too surprised to process your explanation right away. He might also be a little speechless because that sky blue sundress looks too good on your skin and your eyelashes are so long, framing your beautiful eyes, and your lips are all glossy and kisseable that it takes him a while to find his own voice.

He clears his throat. "It's alright." scratching the back of his head, he momentarely adverts his gaze from you in an attempt to not get distracted by how soft your hair looks and how much he wants to wrap it around his hands in a ponytail. "Um, where do you want to go first?"

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Almost an hour and a half later, when the sun has already disappeared and you're both surrounded by colorful lights, Jungkook decides to buy the both of you hot dogs and a drink and you both settle down on a bench.

You've been walking all over the fair, going from booth to booth, playing any game in sight Jungkook dared you to -he obviously had a competitive streak-: from the ballon and dart games, to the shooting games, to the bumping cars, to the ball-in-basket one. To say you were having fun was an understatement.

You'd almost regretted setting the date up. You were sure he wouldn't even show up and if he did, you were scared of how awkward things could get between the two of you. And if things were awkward, you were sure it would only take less than thirty minutes for the both of you to part ways and never talk again about such failure of a date.

To your surprise, none of that happened.

The conversation was flowing, both of you acting like you were strangers on their first date getting to know each other, which, to be fair, that's exactly what it felt like. There was a slight banter, teasing each other when one of you lost in whatever game you were playing while the other was obviously winning. There were laughs and a funny feeling in your tummy whenever you'd walk side by side and his arm brushed yours.

There was no stiffness on his shoulders, no mention of the past or your previous encounters, no acknowledgement of the blatant sexual tension you'd experienced before, not an ounce of avoidance whenever your eyes met his and he was even sure of himself enough to place a hand on your lower back or briefly interwine your fingers with his to guide you through the mass of people.

It felt like you'd both unspokenly agreed on making each other feel comfortable enough to have a good time.

"I didn't think you were going to show up, to be honest." you suddenly say, taking a sip of your strawberry juice and thankful to finally let your feet rest for a while.

Jungkook looks at you, hot dog mid air and eyebrows almost disappearing into his hairline. "You didn't think I was going to show up? I didn't think you were going to show up." you simply shrug, lowering your gaze seepishly, the beginning of a smile on both your faces. He surprises you by tilting your head in his direction with his forefinger. You watch him watching you, a little dazed, a little lost in how his dark hair messily falls over his forehead and his equally dark eyes study your face, his thumb swiping over your lower lip. "You um... There was ketchup right there." he lies.

"Oh" you say, feeling your face heating up. "Thanks. Red doesn't really match this dress." you manage a smile and tuck a lock of your hair behind your ear.

At that, he eyes your dress for a moment, mouth slightly ajar. He's debating on whether or not to say something but you beat him to it.

"I'm sorry, by the way."

"For being late? I already told you it's fin-"

"No." you shake your head. "For... that time when we were young and I was such a concieted brat." you say, looking away , trying to find anything else that's not his pretty face. "I thought I was a queen bee back then. I was annoying and rude, specially to you. I..." you lick your lips. The cherry glittery gloss was already gone. "I thought it was cute, what you said. There was no reason for me to act like that. I know this doesn't make anything right but..." when you turn to face him again, there's still the same expression on his face. "I'm sorry."

A few seconds go by before it's him who's shaking his head. "It's okay. It was a long time ago, anyway." he smiles at you, although it doesn't reach his eyes and seems sorta forced. You sigh, and he takes your hand. "Let's go to the ferris wheel."

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tell you're tense. You're sitting right beside him in the ferris cabin, your back is all straight, you're facing forward and he believes you haven't blinked for what feels like an eternity. He thinks it has everything to do with your conversation a few minutes ago. You were probably not content with his response but what could Jungkook do? There was really no point in apologizing for something that happened years ago, but at the same time, he didn't want to hold anything against you like a resentful asshole because it was really not who he was. But there was still a little bit of stingyness inside of him and he didn't know how to make it go away.

At the end of the day, here you were, on a date with him that you'd asked for, getting along and asking questions about him and laughing at his jokes and trying to start all over again.

But then the ferris wheel starts moving, and he finally understands why you look so uncomfortable.

It's the way you immediately grip his forearm, nails digging in his skin and he swears he hears the smallest gasp forcing itself out your throat.

"Are you... scared?" he tentatively asks.

You say nothing for a while, not moving an inch. He would laugh if you didn't look so pained about it.

"I don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters." you finally say through gritted teeth.

"It's not really that small and ferris wheels are not rollercoasters. " your nails dig deeper and he winces. "Okay, okay. You don't like small confined spaces nor rollercoasters, and that includes ferris wheels. So why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. I've never liked ferris wheels but you seemed excited about it, so..."

There's a silence after that in the environment, neither of you exactly sure of what to say or how to act. Until Jungkook moves one of his hands hands until it's resting on the one who's holding onto him for dear life, fingers caressing yours. The warmth of his hand spreads through yours and although it's almost July and you can already feel your sweaty back staining your dress, it's oddly comforting. What's more comforting even, is him twisting his body towards you and talking with the calmest and most soothing tone you've ever heard.

"Look at me." you do instantly, unwillingly, and kinda wish you hadn't. It's almost as if your body will do anything he says without question. Like he has some sort of power over it to just react however he wants. His eyes bore into yours and suddenly the cab doesn't seem so suffocating. "It's just you and me right now. We're not even on a ferris wheel." the corners of his mouth turn slowly upwards. You zone out the environment, suddenly too aware of him and how close he is and how loud the beating of your heart is to your own ears.

"Jungkook."

You swallow the knot in the back of your throat when he removes his hand from yours. It almost makes you protest, - now realizing you've losened the tight grip on his arm- , before it craddles your face, keeping you in place while bringing his body closer.

"You have to stop saying my name like that."

With his thigh touching your thigh, your whole demeanor melts. When he leans closer, and you feel his breath fanning over your lips, your eyes shut closed.

"Tell me I can-" he starts to say.

"Yes." you finish for him. He doesn't doubt on closing the distance between you two. His lips touch yours and your body shakes in excitement. It's just him lightly skimming your lips with his but it's already too much and at the same time, not enough. It has you deepening it, yourself moving closer when he kisses you again. It has you relaxing against him, the tenseness prior disappearing and making you arch your back when his tongue asks for permission.

But it's exactly then, the moment you open your lips to him, that has you losing your mind.

The sparks fly, traveling from your head to your toes and then settling on the pit of your stomach as soon as the kiss starts to turn desperate and rough. When he nibbles your lips with his teeth, it makes you mewl and whine and your nipples tight against the cotton of your dress. It makes the metal barbell to feel uncomfortable, slightly painful. And when he goes back to being messy and filthy with his tongue tangled with yours, your thighs close on their own.

He forces himself to pull his hand back and bring it down, finding the parting of yd opening them for him. "Wait," you say, your fingers wrapping around his forearm as you try to catch your breath."The ferris-" he shuts you up with another kiss.

"We're not on a ferris wheel." he reminds you, a soft whisper against your mouth. And for whatever reason, you believe him.

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"He fingered you on the ferris wheel."

"Yes."

"And you came before the ride was over."

You take a small sip of wine, your eyes focusing on the TV where a rerun of the Golden Girls is playing, although, to be fair, lately you haven't been able to pay much attention to anything else but a certain brunet with doe eyes and kisseable lips. "Yes."

She hums, stealing a handful of popcorn from the bowl between your thighs.

"How long did it took? Like five minutes?"

There's a pause in which you clench your jaw, your fingers twitching around the glass in your hand, and then you answer. "Probably less."

There's another pause, and then-

"Ha...Ha ha...Ha ha ha-"

You let her laugh. It's okay. You knew you had it coming.

Chaelin knows the pillow you throw right at her face is also something she had coming.

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It's not that you're mad.

Jungkook and you had a great time on that fair date, he made you laugh, bought hot dogs and drinks for the two of you and got you off inside the cab of a ferris wheel on record time with those magical, long fingers of his. Technically, there shouldn't be anything to be angry about.

Except it's been a week and you can't stop thinking about him, about wanting more, and about those words that he left you with after the ferris wheel ride ended, when you had tried to return the favor.

'Next time, maybe.'

And there hasn't been a next time.

The thought of texting him or giving him a call to ask for another date is persistent in your mind. It remains while you do the laundry or wash the dishes, while you shower, while you eat or while you spend your days at the beach with Chaelin. There's always the incessant desire to reach out towards your phone, unlock it and dial his number to beg for more.

But you'd never been one to beg, so you resist the urge everytime that feeling starts to creep up on you and it washes over you like a wave. You silence your phone and try to concentrate on making the most out of your summer.

It's one random night, when you're tiredly dragging your feet across Chaelin's apartment's carpet, yawning and ready to succumb to a well needed slumber, that you see your phone screen's lighting up with a message.

Your heart pathetically leaps inside your chest when you read his name.

'you free on saturday?'

You wish you could say you ghosted him, ignored his text and moved on with your life until it was him who begged you for another date. But the truth is you opened it in a matter of seconds and typed 'i'm free, why?' back in a rush with trembling fingers.

So now you're on the passanger seat of his car while he sits on the driver seat, the first saturday night of July, like he's Danny Zuko and you're Sandy Olsson, watching a vintage movie in a drive-in theater which plot you don't give a shit about, even if Jungkook's date plan idea made something inside of you churn with adoration.

And the only reason why you don't give a single damn about the movie playing in front of your eyes, is because you're hot. Way too hot. And the reason and cause is none other than the boy-now-turned-man sitting on your left.

You barely exchanged words when he picked you up, just rode in silence until you got to your destination and you bet he can feel as well as you do the tension in the air.

You've surveyed him a few times from the corner of his eye, noticing him fiddling with the rings around his fingers and shifting in his seat from time to time. And if the sight of his fingers bring memories that you've tried to bury to keep yourself from lunching towards him, a brief glance at his forearms, adorned with ink drawn through his golden flesh -doing a poor job at concieling the veins running underneath- and his skin-tight jeans wrapping those muscled thighs of his is enough to have you be the one squirming in your seat.

A woman can only endure so much, and you come to that realization thirty minutes into the movie.

"I want to suck your cock." you say, a stern expression on your face as you turn your body in his direction.

Jungkook frozes as your voice slides over him. It takes him a couple seconds to look at you, shock widening his eyes and parting his lips.

"Huh?" he manages, his grip on the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

Without separating your gaze from his, you gather your hair and tie it in a ponytail with the hair tie previously around your wrist. You don't miss the quick glance he sneaks into the curvature of your neck and the valley between your breasts.

Inching forward, closing in on him, you place one of your hands on top of his thigh, the action making his whole body tense. "____..." he whispers your name in a warning that doesn't sound convincing even in his own ears.

You smile, your eyes never wavering from his as your hand inches upwards, slowly caressing over the fabric of his jeans until you finally come across what you were looking for.

His hand flies to your wrist, stilling your movements. "____, this is not-". He starts, but his voice gets stuck inside his throat when you palm his undoubtly growing erection.

"Shh." your shaky breath fans over his cheek and you force yourself on your knees on the passanger seat in a more comortable possition to stop the trembling to reach them.

You fumble with the belt holding his pants in place, then with the button and finally with the zipper. He helps you by lifting his hips to pull his jeans and boxers to his thighs and you have to bite back a mixture between a gasp and a moan at the sight below you. You haven't even seen Jeon Jungkook naked all the way, but the mere sight of his hard cock with pre-cum glistening on his crown is probably the sexiest thing you've ever had the pleasure of appreciating.

It gets sexier when you wrap your hand around the base and his body melts in the driver seat, throwing his head back with his eyes shut. It gets even sexier when you finally lower your head, swirling your tongue over the head before finally engulfing him fully in the wet warmth of your mouth.

"Shit." his voice is tight, uneven as his hand loosely grips your ponytail, as if careful not to accidentally hurt you and break the glorious moment.

Although you wouldn't mind at all. Because the moment your hands are on him, and your tongue is on his shaft, that's the only thing you care about. Your belly is twisting, an undeniable wet spot on your panties as the fabric sticks to your folds, and the more you suck Jungkook, the more you want from him. His earthy taste is addicting and the soft little whimpers he occasionally can't prevent himself from are making you want to milk him until he can't take it no more. There's this desire within you to whorship him and his cock like you had been dreaming for the past weeks.

"This is s-so fucking h-hot." he rasps between ragged breaths, the bobbing of your head, sliding up and down his dick as your hand works the centimeters your mouth can't take is about to make him faint.

"Getting a blowjob?" you joke, your throat starting to feel sore as you kiss his leaking tip.

"N-no." he draws in a rough breath when you take him all of him again. "You giving me a blowjob... T-the f-fact that anyone c-could see us..." he darts a quick glance at your body, your ass up in the air and your dress sliding down, almost exposing you completely. "The fact that-ah! Shit..." he squeezes his eyes when he feels a glob of your spit lubricating him.

There's a sudden need to make you feel the same, to touch your skin and have you shaking the same way you have him. So one of his hands travels from your spine, to your perked ass, finally dragging the cotton of your dress to allow himself to see your thin white panties. "The fact that anyone could see you l-like this," he murmurs, regaining a little bit of control when he squeezes one of your cheeks. "letting t-them see you s-sucking my cock and..." he smirks when he feels you gasping around him, his fingers trapped between your thighs and pushing them inside your heat easily "and letting them see me fingering this pretty little pussy."

Soon after that he's cumming in your mouth while you're cumming around his fingers.

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At first, it's mostly on weekends when you see each other. Weekends of stolen kisses and soft sighs and whispering against each other's lips. Then weekends turn to week days, sitting on grass while sipping on refreshing beverages, drawing each other laughs, elbows touching as you walk around the park side by side because the both of you are too scared to interwine your fingers together.

Jungkook feels content like this: sitting on the sand with you between his thighs, admiring the sunset while nuzzing your neck and inhaling your scent every now. He likes waching you enoying your strawberry ice cream, almost forgetting the chocolate chip one already melting in his hand.

"If you were an ice cream flavor,which one would you be?" you ask him, relaxing against his chest.

"Rocky road."

"Why?"

He shrugs behind you. "Everyone likes rocky road."

You hum, playfully rolling your eyes. "What about me? Which ice cream flavor would I be?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer."

"Lemon sherbet? Out of all of the flavours out there, you're rocky road and I'm lemon sherbet?"

"Lemon sherbet, in the summer." he corrects.

"Okay, fine. Why?"

"You're boring and basic."

You gasp, trying to feign outrage but not being able to repress the laugh that escapes your throat. You elbow him, his laugh mixing with yours while taking the time to wrap his arms around your form, the breeze blowing your hair allowing him a spot between your neck and your shoulder. "You're boring and basic, but once you have a taste..." he presses a small kiss on your skin, causing the tiny hairs on the nape of your neck to rise. "Once you have a taste, specially on the hottest day in the middle of summer, you can't stop tasting and licking until there's no more lemon sherbet left."

You suck in on a breath when he craddles your jaw to face him. "It's been my favourite flavor since I was a kid." he kisses you immediately after, his lips swallowing the small whimper now stuck in your throat.

You close your eyes as his tongue opens your mouth, arousal blasting your insides and something much, much deeper that you fear to even name shredding your chest.

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The beginning of august comes faster then you two realize, but what you both do realize is how hard it's becoming to stay away from each other.

It's been thirty days of dates happening almost everyday, sharing high school memories and anecdotes of the time you spent away from each other. Hours of getting to know each other and opening up to each other. From failed relationships to new friendships. Of park dates walking side by side and fingers now interwined because you both realized one day that, fuck it.

It's difficult to sleep when you realize you're starting to catch serious feelings for somebody who was just supposed to be a fling. It's hard to sleep when his face, his voice and his touch and thoughts of missing him when you don't see each other start haunting you at night.

It's hard for Jungkook to focus on work when you're everything that's occupying his mind. Because he has a hundred sketches to make but he's too busy thinking about the hundred different sketches he would make of you.

It's hard not to send him a goodnight text, just like it's hard for him not to reply in a matter of seconds, almost as if he was already waiting to recieve it.

Jungkook thinks of you at night. Of how pretty and absolutely perfect you are for him. Of the taste of your lips, the way your hair feels between his fingers, or the flush on your cheeks when he makes you cum as droplets of sweat accumulate between your breasts. He thinks about your voice. He also thinks about the amount of hours left to be able to listen to it again.

But mostly he thinks about how ridiculous this situation is. Because he was stupidly crushing on you when you were only teenagers, daydreaming about a chance with you. And now his crush is long gone and he's starting to realize that he's falling, and falling fast.

You, too, think of Jungkook at night. Of his ability to bring a smile out of you, to soothe you with just a few words and filling your belly excitement, happiness and feelings you're sure you've never felt before.

Jungkook's managed to imprint himself in your dreams, and you, in his.

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Getting drunk with Jungkook is fun and messy.

It's fun because he lets loose, he stutters a lot like he used to do when he was a teenager and he makes you laugh louder than ever before. It's messy because he has no control over his hands as they explore your body, clumsily taking your clothes off as his mouth laps at the breast he's allowed to touch.

He's more forceful and dominating too, pinning your hands above your head, and commanding you to keep them right there, on the pillows of his bed. When you rebel against it, your fingers finding the hard planes of his chest, he pulls away from you and places them back where he left them. "Don't make me tie you up." he threatens, and your body shudders beneath him.

He sucks, and bites and leaves marks all over your skin, grunting in response to your moans. Creating a path of kisses from your lips to your stomach, his shoulders separating your knees, opening you up only for him. And thankfully, when you reach down to tug at the strands of hair framing his face, he lets you, because he knows you need something to hold on to the moment his tongue eats you up. He leaves his fingertrips on your thighs as he keeps you in place, not allowing you to runaway. Just forcing you to take it as he takes from you.

And when you cum, he doesn't back away. He keeps sucking, and licking and punishing you with his mouth until you're cumming over and ove again, screaming and begging for his cock.

Having Jungkook over you, both completely naked, skin to skin and only sweat in between is more than you could've ever fantazised about. He slurls your name when he puts the condom on. He would do anything to feel you raw, but he also knows he wouldn't be able to last a minute. The sight of you spread open, with your cheeks darkened by a crimson blush and your hair tangled all over his pillow is a picture he wants to keep forever.

He enters you when you call his name, your voice dripping with need. He stretches your warm and wet felsh, slowly easing himself into you at first, until he's fully inside and your bodies are completely in union. A shiver runs down Jungkook's spine when he looks at your contorted face in pleasure, your lips forming an 'O' and your pussy clenching around him.

"Oh, my God." you moan into the dark of Jungkook's room, and even then, he can clearly appreciate every curve of your body lifting off the mattress to connect with his. He lowers himself on his elbows on either side of your head, caging you in and capturing your mouth with his.

"I know, baby." he murmurs. It's hot, in the middle of August but suddenly Jungkook doesn't hate summer as much as he used to. Not with you sharing the heat with him. "It's way beyond what I could ever imagine." You nod hurriedly against his lips, your arms finding their way around his neck as he starts rocking in and out of you.

"It's too good." you cry, when he hits a particular spot that has you rolling your eyes in bliss and gripping his waist tighter with your legs against you. Your fingers thread through his hair, not bothered by the beads of sweat gathered on the nape of his neck.

"Too good..." he agrees, not missing the shiver that's shaking your own frame when he picks up his speed. "You have no idea what I would do t-to fucking feel you with n-no barriers between us," his movements become frantic as his hips slap against yours, his jaw clenched as he keeps talking, "to s-stuff you full of my c-cum over and over again until it won't stop d-dripping."

Jungkook's voice against your ear has you trembling and your orgasm nearing closer, your nails scratching down his back as his thrusts overpower your form. "Would you like that?" he asks with his voice strangled.

"Y-yes. Anything y-you want."

"You'd take all of my cum like a good cum-slut?"

You hate the fact that that's what makes you come undone. The twisting and knotting in the pit of your stomach finally snapping until you're holding on to him like you never want to let him go and he's following soon after.

Because if Guk, Gukkie, Jengukkie was not only able to make you come in less than a few minutes with his fingers or his tongue, but he was also able to make you cum instantly just by calling you a good cum-slut, that means you're fucked. Like, really, really fucked.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

There's a knot in Jungkook's stomach and a suffocating grip around his vocal chords as he caresses your skin. The sun is rising in the distance with the first rays of light entering his room through the window. Your shamphoo is intoxicating him, numbing him and enticing him to bury his nose in the tangled curls pressing against his chest. Your arm is thrown across his stomach, your breathing leavig goosebumps all over his body.

"It's too early. Go back to sleep." you mumble against his heart. He wonders if you can feel it dangerously speeding up.

"I can't." he says, voice struggling to stay balanced. "I have to tell you something."

You hum in response, sleep still interwined with your body, your arm tightening around him. You sigh in content, expecting him to elaborate.

He wets his suddenly dry lips. "I don't want this to end. In fact, ____.... I want more. Need more."

"Jungkook..." your whole body goes rigid right away, untanglling your bodies from each other and sitting up on the mattress.

"No, listen to me." he mimicks your movements, rapidly grabbing your hands to make you look at him. His eyes are expressive, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his dark irises. "I wake up everyday, and you're the first thing I think of. I go on about my day, and I keep thinking about you, wondering what you're doing and counting down the hours until I get to see you again. I spend every night dreaming about you, and when we'e together, the only thing I can think about is how I wish I could stop time so I don't have to say bye to you the next morning. ____, I-"

"Jungkook, stop please." you shake your head, pushing away from him and in desperate need of air. You press a hand against your chest, beating back the throb of pain while the other curls in a tight fist, the feeling of your fingernails digging into your palm less painful than the ache inside your heart. "This... This wasn't supossed to happen, Jungkook." you start pacing around the room, as if trying to find an exit while avoiding his gaze. "This was just a summer fling. That's all it was, I'm supposed to come back to the city in two weeks and-"

"A summer fling?" a sardonic sneer comes out of him. "Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening again..." he mumbles to himself before rising from the bed. You stop immediately, a shiver quaking through you as his impressive frame intimidates His eyebrows are drawn together and his dark eyes are void of any prior emotion. "You're going back to the city in two weeks? And you didn't care to tell me until now, after I just spilled my guts to you?"

You eyes fill up with uncomfortable tears, reaching one arm towards him. "Jung-"

He flinches, taking one step back. "A summer fling is all I mean to you?"

"Ju- "

"Look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that's all I mean to you. A summer fling." panic crawls up your throat. There's the need within you to confirm, to stare into his beautiful and stern eyes and tell him that, yes, that's all he is to you. But you've never been a good liar. So nothing comes out. You opt for wrapping your ams around yourself wishing they were his and lowering your eyes to the ground. "I think... I think you should leave."

Those are the last words he says to you, and the last thing you see when you turn around one more time after gathering your clothes, is his back as he looks out the window.

You allow yourself to cry the exact moment you step into Chaelin's apartment. Your friend is sitting on the couch, bowl of cereal in hand and a fresh cup of coffee sitting on the livingroom's table.

"Hey, you're early tod- Baby, what's wrong?"

"Please, don't laugh."

That morning, you lay down for hours on the couch with your head on Chaelin's lap while she softly brushes your hair as you cry, hiccup, fight through the pain in your heart and relate to her as best as you can the latest events.

She doesn't laugh at all.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"She'll come back." Mijoo's slurred words do nothing to put Jungkook's state at ease that night. He simply shrugs, fingers clenching at his sides, frowing into his drink before gulping down the bitter taste of vodka in one shot. "Seriously, I think she's just afraid. My ex was the same."

"Comparing her to your ex is not the analogy you think it is."

"Ugh, shut up. Things didn't work with my ex because she was a bitch." Jungkook gives Mijoo a pointed look which she responds to by rolling her eyes and sipping on her rum coke. "Your girl is not a bitch. She used to be a bitch. What she did this morning was bitchy, but, like I said, she's just being a pussy. If she only wanted sex with you, she wouldn't have been doing couple stuff with you the entire summer."

"Whatever. I don't care." he lies and Mijoo knows he's lying but decides to drop the subject fo now.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

"We can't keep spending our days smoking weed." Chaelin speaks over Blanche's voice on the TV.

"I know. I'm just sad."

"You have to come back and tell him how you feel."

"I know."

There's a beat of silence before your friend kicks your thigh with her feet.

"I know and I will." you mumble through red eyes and smoke clouds.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

It's September first and it doesn't feel like Jungkook's birthday at all. He's been trying to focus on his work, alternating between isolating in full hermit mode and hanging out with friends to drink away his sorrow. The days have gone by and before he could realize it, he woke up today with over twenty text messages wishing him a happy day and a throbbing hangover.

He dresses up on autopilot. First a cotton shirt, then a pair of jeans and lastly, his Nike's. He doesn't bother tying his sneakers just like he doesn't bother taking a shower. He smokes a cigarette for breakfast, the death stick making him feel nauseaus on an empty stomach. And then he goes to work.

He's been repeating the same routing for the past weeks and he's not thinking of changing it, not even on his bithday.

He spends hours drawing, tattooing and drawing some more between yawns. He ignores texts an phone calls and simply waits until the day is over to go home, go to bed and forget about the fact that you're probably on your way to the city and that he hasn't crossed your mind not even once.

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Inkphoria.

You've been standing outside the shop re-reading the word for fifteen minutes, although it definitely feels like it has been longer. You're gripping cup of ice cream as it melts down your fingers the more you wait. The shop is already empty and it's starting to darken out side, and still you're so hot. Your shorts are heavy and your tank top is sticking to your skin. You didn't even bother to put on any make, although your eyebags definitely needed some concieling and your lashes some dimension to hide the fact that you'd been crying for the last few days.

'You're crazy about him.'

Chaelin's voice echoes inside your head.

You've lost count of how many times your best friend has given your advice, or simply encouraged you to do something you've been too scared to try.

'And he's cazy about you too.'

Chaelin might be wrong about marmite and the movie Cats, but she's definitely now wrong about anything regarding your and Jungkook.

That's it. You briefly close your eyes, inhale a deep breath then release it slowly. You start walking. It doesn't take longer than three strides and you're pushing the door open.

The tattoed blonde looks up from the counter the second you come into view. She smiles at the distance between you two. "You can come closer. I won't bite."

You clear your throat, stalking closer to her. "Is he-"

"He's in the back." she replies before you can finish you question. You close your mouth, clear your throat and nod your head.

"Thanks, Mijoo." she gives you a small wink, her smile easing your nerves like she had three months ago.

She watches you disappear. She shakes he head, her smile meeting her eyes. "I told him so."

≿━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━༺❀༻━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━≾

Jungkook ignores the knock on his door at first. It's almost ten and the parlor is about to close. He just has to finish this last fucking sketch so he can grab his shit and go the fuck ho-

Knock knock.

He growls, exhasperation cursing through him. He runs a hand through his messy pile of hair, his rings tangling between the strands, making him wince in pain. "Come in." he grunts under his breath. The door opens. "Mijoo, I really have to finish-"

He stops dead in his tracks as soon as he sees you.

"Hey." you say after a moment of hesitation.

"Hey." he replies and although there's something inside, deep in his chest, shouting at him to stand up, run up to you and kiss your face while he tells you how beautiful you look right now and how happy he is to see that you're still here, he decides against it. "Listen, ____, I'm pretty busy-"

"No, you listen to me." you cut him off abruptly. He looks taken aback and is already opening his mouth to say something, but you're not having it. "Please, just... Let me talk."

Silence looms between the two of you for a while, a staring contest defying each other to back down. When you take one step inside and close the door behind you, he sighs and leans back against his chair.

You move towards him slowly, your lip caught between your lip going through your mind for the speech you'd been preparing the last few days. Your hands are sticky due to the the sugary treat liquifying in your hand. "I know there's no reason you should give me another chance after rejecting you in high school, and there's definitely no reason why you should forgive me for the way I shut you out a few weeks ago. You've been confessing your feelings to me since we were teenagers, and now it's my turn to tell you exactly how I feel about you."

"Jungkook, the truth is... I like you so much. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. Ever. I said this was just a summer fling, and I was lying. I was lying because there's no way a simple summer fling could make me feel the way you do. There's no way a simple summer fling could make me want not just summer with you, but also fall and winter, and spring and every summer that comes next."

You hadn't realize when your eyes filling up with tears until the sight of him starts blurrying in front of you. His fingers reach yours, his thumb comforting on your skin. "____, it's okay-"

"I'm not done yet." you sniffle, gathering enough courage to continue. "I brought you a lemon sherbet because you said it was your favourite. But you also implied I was your favourite, and I want to keep being you favourite, but now it's already melted and-"

The corners of Jungkook's lips start pulling upward as he tugs you towards him, his heart loudly jumping inside his chest. "Shhh, come here."

He takes the ice cream from your hand and places it on his desk. Then he's helping you onto his lap, your head tucked under his chin and your arms wapping on their own around his neck.

He doesn't care about your sticky fingers or the wet stains of your tears in his shirt. The only thing he cares about is the fact that you're right there, letting him engulf your frame and drown in the scent and warmth he'd misses so much.

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The first day of June has Jungkook sweating and wishing for a haircut. Jungkook usually hates summer. He hates the fact that he has to shower at least twice a day, and the fact that the heat is almost unbearable to sleep in and also the fact that he's easily sunburnt.

This year, however, Jungkook likes summer a little bit more.

"Excuse me, miss. Do you have an appointment?" it's the fact that you're starting to wear those summer dresses he loves so much, and the fact that your skin glows under the sun like glitter, and also the fact that he can lick ice cream off of it whenever he desires.

"I am the appointment." your giggle is almost childlike, playing with Jungkook's heart strings. You shut the door behind you, nearing him. You also seem to always have that flush on your cheeks. Although he likes to think part of it is due to him. He doesn't say anything else as he puts his pencil down and instead turns around in the chair to have you immediately on top of his thighs.

Yeah, he also likes the path your lips trace from his cheek, to his jaw, ending at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder. It still makes his body quaver to this day.

"Let me see." he murmurs against you forhear, his hand already working on unbottoning the front of your dress.

"Mijoo hasn't left yet." you whisper back, your smile impossible to supress and the faint whimper impossible to hide when his fingers expose your breast and tug at the titanium barbell adorning the already hardened nub.

Jungkook loves knowing he was the one to do that, and also the only one to play with it. He doesn't hesitate when he dips his head. "As if we'd ever cared about that." he adds, wrapping your sole point in his mouth.

He fucks you on his studio table with your legs around his waist and his tongue playing with both your breasts, the tattoo sketches long forgotten, scattered on the floor as he whispers against your flesh something that sounds a lot like 'I love you'.

#jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #bts fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook x reader #bts #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook fic

6K notes · View notes

gyuphorias · 2 years

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omfg youre sooo cute l… i almost feel bad for sending this in after reading your other post :(

that whole brat dynamic thing i sent early made me want to want you to write about the exact dynamic well not the exact same but something like it with yeonjun(hes my bias and apparently is the bias of your other followers too😭😭)-🥀

you're so sweet ilysm absolutely don't worry about sending in a request ever <3 also ur so right idk what it is but almost all of my requests are abt yeonjun it's actually amazing tbh gyuphorias, population: yeonjun stans

flipped switch | c. yeonjun

warnings afab!reader, sexual content (brat taming, degradation, spanking, manhandling, dacryphilia, choking, edging, pussy slapping), daddy (used once)

word count 1.5k

you're not quite sure what's gotten into yeonjun tonight. maybe it's the nice date he took you on earlier in the evening, the fact that you've not been able to see each other much recently and he just really missed you, some combination of the two, or something else entirely, but he's being extra gentle and sweet with you now.

he's got you on your back, head cushioned against the pillows as he trails his lips across every expanse of exposed skin as he can. the pace he's set is slow and easy going, pulling only the softest, breathiest noises from you. your fingers curl into the hair at the nape of his neck, reveling in the warmth of his body against yours.

it's nice, truly it is. you love when your boyfriend takes his time taking you apart and putting you back together again. he does it so easily, like it's what he was born to do. it's always a welcome reminder that sex doesn't always have to be hard and rough and bruising. during sessions like this, he just makes you feel loved and appreciated, every single part of you, which is always welcome, so you have no complaints really because even just getting to have yeonjun in any way is heaven personified.

despite all of that, there's a feral, unhinged heat creeping beneath your skin that craves to be released. it's been so long since you've been together and you've had enough of taking your time; in his absense, you had to drag out your pleasure on your own, leaving you unfulfilled because you just can't fuck yourself the way yeonjun can. you just want him to have at you, to use you as he sees fit and you're going to do what you can to get him there.

using your fingers in his hair as leverage, you pull his face up to yours, kissing him and letting out little pants and moans into his mouth. "want more, junnie. please."

he shakes his head, his hair brushing against your forehead. "no, baby. wanna take my time with you tonight."

you whine loudly and exert all of your strength to get him to turn over, effectively switching positions. now, you're on top, hands pressed heavy against yeonjun's chest, shoulders heaving as you catch your breath. "want more... daddy."

yeonjun flushes as he processes what's just happened; you can practically see the gears turning in his head. his eyes narrow and his jaw flexes, the skin over it tight. he sits up and pulls you off of him.

"fine. you want more? i'll give you more," he says, his voice harsh. "turn over."

you scramble to turn and get on your hands and knees, smiling a little bit to yourself, glad your plan worked. you've incurred the wrath of yeonjun's brat taming and you've never been happier to have done so.

without warning, he thrusts into you sharply, jolting you forward and setting a brutal pace. his hand comes down on your ass and the resounding smack sends a shiver through your body. he smooths over the print for a few moments before repeating the process: spanking and soothing the skin afterwards.

"dirty little whore," he grunts, using one of his hands to grab at your waist and pull you back into him. "trying to be gentle and treat you all nice, and you don't appreciate it. wanna act like a fucking brat."

he winds his hand into your hair and yanks you up, biting at your shoulder and growling directly into your ear. he trails his hand to your throat, just letting it rest there almost like a collar. you whimper and moan and whine, trying your best to push back into his thrusts, but it's hard to keep up when he's moving so fast. you start sobbing openly, not a single thought in your head other than this feels so good and you want to come so badly.

"you close? wanna come?" he asks and it's deceivingly gentle. you know what he's thinking and where this is going; he's just trying to lure you into a false sense of security.

you know this and you fall right into it anyways. you nod, whimpering out his name.

"yeah?" he questions, paying close attention to the signs of your fast approaching release.

just when you're about to crest that wave, he pulls out and lets go of you, sending you face first into the mattress. he watches as you clench desperately around nothing, your thighs shaking at the loss of his touch and your ebbing orgasm.

"junnie," you cry, thick tears rolling down your cheeks and soaking the sheets under you.

he lands another spank, ripping a high pitched whine out of you. "you wanted more, baby. you asked for this. you completely disobeyed me and acted like a no good brat who only thinks with her pussy."

his hand comes down again, but this time, it strikes your cunt. you can hear your wetness as his fingers come in contact. you cry out again and jolt forward.

"you wanna come, you're gonna have to beg for it because honestly, i don't think you deserve to."

you try to break through the fog in your head, feeling hazy and far away from this moment. you search for the words you know he wants to hear and try to get them vocalized through your hiccups and sobs, still trying to come down from the orgasm that wasn't fulfilled.

"please, junnie," you cry, trying to look back at him. "wanna come so bad for you. missed you so much. please, i'll be good. i promise."

you keep babbling about how much you missed him and his cock, how nothing makes you feel as good as he does, how you'll be good for him if he just lets you come on his cock. you're almost too busy begging for him to at least put his dick back to notice that he's thrusted back into you. almost. you thank him for it.

the pace he sets is still fast and you're still jolting with the force of him dripping his hips into your ass, which still stings, but you welcome the pressure. you feel blissed out as he works you up again, a hand sneaking around your waist to play with your clit. his free hand pulls you back up to him, but this time, it's a little less harsh.

"did so well begging for me, baby," he says into your ear, kissing your jaw. "missed you and your cute little pussy too. you touch yourself wishing it was me?"

you nod against him, turning your head to look at him. he kisses your lips this time, sliding his tongue against your bottom lip and pulling away before it escalates.

"me too. couldn't wait to come home and fuck you as much as you'd let me."

he can feel you clenching around him again and your thighs shaking against his as his thrusts into you. he presses a hand to your tummy and the other to the shoulder farthest from him, trying to belt you against him for the high he knows you're going about to reach, the high you've been waiting for for weeks.

"you gonna come, sweet thing?" he asks, not surprised when you nod against him, staring up at him with wide, doe-like eyes. "you can come. i'll catch you."

it doesn't take much longer before you're coming undone at the seams in his arms. you go limp against him, moaning out a mix of his name and praises and thanks for letting you come. you can feel his own cum fill you up, his hips faltering once, twice, three times before they still, thoroughly fucked out, at least for now.

yeonjun, chest heaving against you, is the first to move, doing his best to keep himself seated inside you while sitting back against the headboard and pulling you with him. he presses kiss after kiss to your neck and shoulder, both of his arms around your waist.

"sorry for being a brat," you say, your head leaning against his as you finally find a steady breathing pattern.

you can feel him shake his head, his chin brushing your shoulder. "it's okay, baby. you knew what you wanted and i wasn't giving it to you. plus, i don't mind all that much when you act like a brat."

it's your turn to shake your head, letting out a laugh and leaning into his embrace, glad to have him to yourself for longer than a few hours. you stay just like that for a while, yeonjun's fingers rubbing comforting patterns into your tummy and hips, his lips kissing your skin gently, and his arms and chest keeping you tethered against him as you continue to come down.

yeonjun finally breaks the silence, kissing at your cheek this time. "want me to run you a bath?"

you shake your head again, feeling a little sleepy now that everything's catching up with you.

"you want anything? kinda wanna order pizza and watch a movie. is that okay?"

"sounds perfect," you answer, looking up at him as best you can, smiling tiredly at him.

and it does.

#yeonjun x reader #yeonjun smut #txt x reader #txt smut #kpop smut #🌙 — talking to the moon #🌕 — full moon #🌕 — txt #🌙 — 🥀

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toujoursmiraculous · 3 years

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Thoughts and Reaction to Mr. Pigeon 72!

I knew this was going to be a really good episode, just because the synopsis we got and the trailer seemed pretty bland. Whenever ML does that, a lot of big things happen in that episode. I screamed and choked on my water in the opening scene where Ladybug's with Alya in Marinette's room. I've been looking forward to Alya and Marinette scenes sooo much since Gang of Secrets! Wayzz & Alya: Hey Marinette, you should take a break and rest. Marinette: Nah, I'm good I gotta keep working Alya: YOU'RE LOSING IT, GIRL! Marinette: Don't care, must work Alya: Okay... you know Adrien and Kagami broke up, right? Marinette: Wait what?! Oh no, Kagami needs me! Alya: Not the reaction I was expecting but okay "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." I really like this quote! Even during bad times, you need to find the good and enjoy it. And Marinette reaaaally needs to do that. But in a literal sense, please don't dance outside during a dangerous storm.

ALYA AND TRIXX ALDJFSLJDS oh I love them, I'm so happy we'll get to see more of them. The way they both reacted to Marinette saying she has to go console Kagami, they weren't expecting that. xD But I was! I find it very amusing how in episodes like Frightningale she was more upset with Chloe being Ladybug than Chloe being in a video with Adrien that Alya's shocked by her decision, and in Frozer where Marinette was putting Adrien's wants before hers. I really don't understand why people think just because she likes Adrien, she'd not want to help make those around her happy even if it wasn't what she wanted for herself. I'm not surprised at all that Marinette would do this for Kagami, but I'm very happy that she is. "Alya, in Paris, Kagami has no other friend except me. Only I can console her." This makes me so happy. The only times in this show I like Kagami, is when she's with Marinette. After watching this episode, I'm more and more thankful she finally told Alya about being Ladybug I don't even want to know the state she'd be in had she not. O.O She almost ran out of her room as Ladybug (whoops), then almost ran out in her pjs (again, oops). Thanks to Alya, she didn't do either. xD That little detail where Marinette runs out and the sun's really intense, letting us know she's been inside a really long time, so everything outside is really bright. I really appreciate the little things like that. Or at least, that's what I take it as. Unless they're hinting at summer coming up soon... Dang Marinette, just jumps on Kagami's back LOL Kind of reminds me how Chat Noir likes to come up on Ladybug. xD "Your so original friend." Marinette is pretty original! I know the tone implies that's not a good thing, but eh. She's letting her go with Marinette and spend time away, so who cares! Marinette trying really hard to convince Kagami to get back with Adrien and how she's going to help her. I think it's really sweet of her, but Kagami of course clearly doesn't want to. Plagg: What's wrong with you, jumping into ice water! YOU'RE LOSING IT! Adrien: *exposes duffle bag full of Camembert* Plagg: I take back everything I said about you Also huh, Alya just told Marinette she's losing it, now Plagg tells Adrien he's losing it...hmmm. Bob Roth is a horrible person and each time we see him, he does something else to show it. Poor Adrien's allergic to pigeons specifically. I guess he's okay with some birds but not others? Idk? But he told Gabriel it'd be doves, so he approved. But it turned out to be pigeons instead. To be fair, at least in the US, Mourning Doves are often mistaken as pigeons, at least where I live, so they'd make a decent substitute... if it wasn't for Adrien's allergy. Adrien in Gorizilla to Wayhem: If you stop following me around screaming, I think we could be good friends! Wayhem with Cardboard Cut-out Adrien in Mr. Pigeon 72: ADRIENNNNNNN! :/ Marinette has a bag full of everything she may need in all kinds of situations. Comes in handy but good grief girl! How do you lug that all around??? What kind of scenarios do you think up to think of

some of that stuff!? Marinette's so adorable in her bathing suit awwww! Dude. Bob Roth. He said he's allergic to pigeons! And you blame Mr. Ramier because Adrien sneezed and it scared the pigeon away? How is this man successful again? He doesn't listen to anything or anybody. Marinette's like hey Kagami, look at Adrien. You'll start liking him again. Do you feel your heart beating fast now? And she's like "I feel especially bad for the trainer (Mr. Ramier)". I mean same though. He's being treated horribly! x.x Next take, Adrien dives and he sees Marinette with Kagami. But I think he only saw Marinette. Because he says he thought he saw a friend from school (Kagami doesn't attend their school, just the fencing class, as far as we're aware) and also he makes no mention of Kagami at all in this episode. Which means...

Why's your jaw dropping at the sight of your "just a friend" in a bathing suit, Adrien? And, you know, Kagami's literally right there in a bathing suit, too. Just saying. But it's like she's not even there to him. Hmmmmm. Poor Kagami's like, this entire thing is embarrassing, I feel embarrassed for me, Adrien, and this situation. Kagami: Marinette, stop! It's getting crazy! Marinette: Love is crazy! Don't think about it! I love how the more Marinette tries to help Kagami, the more things are working out in Marinette's favor. Interesting, isn't it? The more she tries to tell Adrien her feelings and make opportunities for them, the more they fail. The more she tries to help Kagami, or someone else, the more opportunities for her land in her lap. Hahahahaha the way they both fall LOL "Marinette? 😮" *guilty smile* AND THEN THEY TAKE DOWN POOR EDGAR! :( Mr. Ramier's in the background giving the poor bird CPR as he's drowned and Marinette and Adrien are just casually talking not paying attention lolol "What are you doing here?" "I came to surprise you." Kind of, she was hoping to help Kagami get back with Adrien. So that's a kind of surprise! "Uh, well to relax!" True too, actually. Alya did send her off because she needed to get out of the house and relax from her Ladybug and Guardian duties. Marinette, everyone needs to be careful when at a pool. Clumsy people like you especially need to be careful! lol Good thing Adrien's already seen her fall so many times, it's nothing new lol Gabriel: It's a failure Bob Roth: It's not my fault, it's his! Mr. Ramier: You are under arrest! Edgar is my best friend. He's the most intelligent of the pigeons! Gabriel: It's a pigeon Bob Roth: WHAAAT? IT'S A PIGEON? RAMIER, YOU LIED TO ME. Sorry Gabriel, I'll replace this man! I know a shark trainer First off... LOL that whole scene XDD I actually knew Bob Roth was going to say that entire thing before I heard it lolol Second... awww Edgar's okay! c: and third... I'M SORRY, YOU WANT OUR PRECIOUS BOY TO BE AROUND SHARKS?!?!? Who keeps this man employed?!?! Idk why but this whole time I thought that everyone would turn into giant talking pigeons lol ah well "I realized my mistake! We'll recreate the moment where you fell in love!" ohhh? Like I mentioned earlier, whenever she tries to do something to help Kagami (or someone else) that's when her intentions work out best for her. 😉 One of my favorite things from Style Queen was Plagg and Ladybug working together. Now they're working together again and just... ahhhh I gushed so much at that scene! x3 YESSSSSSS what I've been waiting for! Ladybug can just call Alya now and be like hey, I need your help! And Alya can just be like okay cool, and either goes to her room to get the Miraculous herself, or finds her and gets the Miraculous. So cool! Of course, I'll be most excited if she ever gets to just keep it on her, but... baby steps. Rena did a phenomenal job speaking as both Ladybug and Chat Noir lol. She's such a fan of them both, she knows just how they are around each other. Oh, oh no. We're trapped against a wall by a few pigeons. Looks like our only option is to give up and remove our Miraculous and reveal our identities. Are you seriously buying that, Gabriel? Plagg's like HELLO I'll be taking this! Alya did everything from inside Marinette's room. Ladybug was trapped in that room at the pool the entire time. All it took for this akuma to be defeated was Illusion that can be done from anywhere and Plagg getting the object off Mr. Pigeon. That's amazing! Also, this is the first time Ladybug didn't have to actually see things around her to know what to do. She just focused and thought about it. o.o Okay so hold up. Thanks to Alya, Marinette now knows she can create charms to protect past akuma victims and keep them from getting reakumatized, which is wonderful. I love how much of an impact Alya knowing is having! BUT How exactly does Monsier Rat come about then if he has a charm to protect him??? 🤔🤔🤔 I really like how her drive to want to figure things out was

especially because Mr. Ramier's been akumatized so many times, and she wanted to help him from having to continue to go through that. "This girl is truly Miraculous" awww cute how he got to just watch that this time.

I screamed at this moment because I knew. Since Origins, we have not seen this exact sky. Even during rainy scenes like in Chat Blanc or New York, they didn't look like this. YES, Kagami knows that the way Marinette feels about Adrien shows how much she loves him, but she knows she doesn't feel that way about Adrien too. And "You're right, Adrien is perfect... perfect for you." With a smile and everything! Awwwwww! This acceptance, and the Marinette and Kagami friendship in this episode is really, really good! 😭 "Wow, have you kept it [the umbrella] all this time?" She sure wasn't expecting that!! But wow Adrien, you noticed? Then Coup de Foudre happens again. Yeah, this girl is never getting out of her feelings for him.

Of course she's having trouble with her words still, but that's okay. But she's like oh, I'll give it back, and he just pushes it to her and says she'll need it to get home... unless she'd like a ride with him. AND SHE ACTUALLY ACCEPTED AND WRAPPED HER ARM AROUND HIS OMG.

To then only have the umbrella close on BOTH of them!

AND THEN ASKS IF HE WANTS TO WALK INSTEAD BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE UMBRELLA! She's come so far! And the sheer disappointment when he remembers he can't because of his Chinese lesson :/ And then, because he can't not be looking at Marinette, he hits the back of his head on the car, making himself look silly, just like in Origins she made herself look silly. This time she laughs, and he laughs with her. And it's literally Umbrella Scene 2.0 and it's absolutely everything.

DORKS ❤️❤️❤️ "They are made for each other." awwwww instead of Master Fu, this time it's Kagami. And she sounds very okay with that, that's so nice. "Let's not wait for the storm to pass, but let's dance in the rain." Then proceeds to dance in the rain!

Ahhh what a refreshing, good episode after how much she's been struggling and crying! So lovely! Her friendships with Alya and Kagami were really strong in this episode, her doing her best to help her friend with the guy she herself has always liked, and then Kagami was the one that wasn't really into it, and it made both girls realize that Marinette loves Adrien and is the one best for him, not Kagami. And I'm pretty sure this episode helped Adrien to open his eyes to Marinette more too. At least, this is the beginning of that, anyway! Alya's such a tremendous help to Ladybug now, which is everything. I do wonder if more friends will very slowly start to find out her identity and they end up contributing more to bringing down Hawk Moth, so she really, really isn't alone like she once thought. I don't really have any complaints about this episode at all! Just a bit sad we had no actual Chat Noir, but we got Ladybug and Plagg from it, so it's fine with me! x3 I know some may see it as "Chat Noir isn't necessary, how dare they do this to him!" but no, he's very necessary, sometimes he just can't be there and she can't do it alone. You have to remember how much Chat Noir means to Ladybug, and that she wouldn't even BE Ladybug if it weren't for Chat Noir! I'm really curious now about what episode 5 is, since now we've gotten Episodes 1-4, 6, we're getting 7,8, and 13 later, and we've already gotten 11. Filling in the gaps for the first half of the season! This entire week is going to be crazy with the new episodes, and for each one I'll be writing one of these posts for, so be on the look out for them!

#ml #miraculous ladybug #miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #ml season 4 spoilers #mr pigeon 72 #mr pigeon 72 spoilers #adrienette #marinette dupain-cheng #adrien agreste #ladybug #alya cesaire #rena rouge #plagg #ahhhh such a sweet ep!

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eg515 · 2 years

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A TV Show Update Nobody Asked For

okay, so with only two months left of this year, I thought I'd make a list of where I am with my current tv shows and what I have planned for the rest of the year. this is mostly for me, to help me keep track, but I also accept recommendations. not including the shows I watch weekly.

Revenge: I've been on this rewatch waaaay too long, but only 12 episodes are left. I fully plan on finishing it this year, hopefully even this month. it was fun to rewatch it.

Elementary: I've been stuck on early s2 of my rewatch for way too long, longer than Revenge. I can't help it, I never liked Mycroft. I plan on watching it, but I'll probably restart it. s1 is my favourite anyway. but it probably won't happen this year.

Being Human: I've been stuck on s2 for a long time, but it just got so boring. the whole thing with the vampires restructuring their hierarchy, Annie appearing and disappearing to humans all the time, and George's werewolf girlfriend whose name I can't remember, these were all storylines I didn't like and watching the show became hard. I might continue at some point, but it won't happen this year.

911 Lone Star: I'm planning a full rewatch before s3 starts in January. right now the plan is December. the exact time will depend on my schedule.

911: I want to rewatch this too, but I might wait until either the mid-season break or until after s5.

Ted Lasso: it's been on my watchlist for a while, and I will definitely watch it sometime during the next two months.

The Librarians: it's been on my watchlist for YEARS. so many years. it's definitely my next big watch. I expect it to go the same way as Leverage: it will take me a long time to start, but once I do, I won't stop.

Nikita: it's been on my watchlist for years too. I keep seeing more and more of it on my dash, so this one depends on when I will get to the point where my bi ass can't take it anymore and I give in

Succession: new item on my watchlist. I keep seeing a lot of gifs, I'll probably start it at some point.

Berlin Station: s1 done, two seasons left. but s1 was quite heavy, so I'll need to be in the right headspace. I expect I can watch s2 this year, s3 probably early next year.

Money Heist: after a long time, I finished s1 and 2 this year and started s3. s3 is unexpectedly boring though, and I stopped after a few episodes. I currently don't have any plans to watch it, I abandoned it, but mom plans on watching it, I might watch it with her.

Teen Wolf: I've been thinking about rewatching it all year, so it's only a matter of time before I say "fuck it" and binge all 6 seasons.

The Romeo Section: it's a new find, I'll start it as soon as it fully downloads.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: I've been meaning to watch it for a while. it's only a matter of finding it in good quality.

Imposters: definitely rewatching in the near future. I miss my idiots.

Liar: I should finish s2, but I would need to rewatch s1 too. probably won't do it this year though, but Q1 next year is likely.

LA's Finest: I plan to rewatch next year.

Mindhunter: I started once, got halfway through ep one, had to stop, never restarted again. idk, I'm losing interest, but if anyone recommends it, I might watch it.

Mr Robot: I started it like... three times? never got past s2. maybe this time I will?

Pushing Daisies: I've wanted to watch this for so long, ever since I saw it on tv. I have it downloaded and ready to watch, I just need one final push.

You Me Her: I've had it downloaded for over a year, but probably won't watch it until next year.

Sense8: definitely rewatching, but probably only next year.

Leverage/Leverage: Redemption: rewatching next year for sure.

okay, this a very long list 😂 oh well.

still taking recommendations though 😂😂

#tv show update #an update literally nobody asked for #eg rambles

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ecclais-fouoras · 3 years

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Sometimes moving on is good

Ch5 pt2

(pt1 here)

Again sorry idk what's going on, it's hard to know how many chapters there is (tumblr's bad for multi ones so feel free to read it on wattpad it's easier and there's music.)

Anyways so

WARNING: a bit of smut

It had been a week since you had asked diane to go with you to the fun fair.

You were nervous to ask her again but, since she said that she was willing to try you did.

"Diane, will you go out at the fun fair with me tomorrow, they arrived two days ago already ?"

After a bit of esitaton she agreed, but told you she would not be doing the horror house or whatever that thing was called.

"So it's a date then, I'll pick you up tomorrow at 4pm and we'll have a nice evening then maybe if you are nice to me, I'll take you for a walk and we can have dinner at my house. Sounds good '?"

She nodded and you left before you were late for work. She always asked why you didn't work from her house since you worked at home. But you told her you didn't want to mess up her clean house with your stuff and your atelier was better for what you did anyways.

You gave her a quick kiss before leaving and she held your hand as you did.

The next day you were a bit nervous, not like you're first date, but rather because there was a lot of ways diane could not enjoy herself or even worst be hurt.

But you pushed that aside as you went to pick her up, she looked good, as usual, And she was even smiling.

"Hey !"

"Hi y/n, good to see you" she said before giving you a peck on the lips.

"You ready to go ?"

"Yeah Sure let's do this"

When you got there you opened up the door for her to come out, and closed the vehicle.

She looked a bit amazed

-"i haven't been there since I was a kid"

She said her eyes a bit watery.

So you hugged her lighltly from behind and placed a kiss on her neck.

"Let's make new memories then diane."

As you saw the first ride you took her hand and lead her to it

-"no, no no no wait we can discuss this...OMG it's huge"

you laughed and paid for your tickets as you pulled diane to your seats

"Oh are you scared now ? Don't worry I'm here i won't let you throw up"

"Aha very funny y/n, i am not scared ju...AH"

She was straddled by the small rollercoaster's move.

And clung to you for dear life.

"Diane you are not going to fall you are attached here"

you said as you pushed the bar in front of you. But she didn't stop holding you for the intier ride.

When you got out her hair was a mess and you were both laughing slightly.

You spend the afternoon going on different rides, and then stopped at a food truck.

"Do you guys have chichis or like what are they called churros?" You asked the cooking guy.

"Yes ma'am indeed we do"

"Well I'll have 25 with powdered sugar."

"Here goes 25 churros max !"

You turned around and diane was lost in her thoughts looking at a cute girl drinking a soda so you pecked her cheek softly and told her she was beautiful while you put a strand of hair behind her hear.

"Diane...tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

-" I'm happy"

-"what?" You asked a little stunned at what she'd just said.

-"I'm happy, right now, with you. Before I met you I would have seen that girl and immediately get angry because her parents have her, and i don't have chloe. But now, with you I'm happy, happy that this girl ever there is smiling and laughing while drinking this sugar field stuff."

-"oh Diane, you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that, you know I really care about you...and"

-" 25 CHICHIS OVER THERE MA'am" you were cut of by your order, so you paid and took your food.

"Here you NEED to taste this" you said as you handed her one.

"This really looks like a penis y/n"

-"WHAT"

-"Well yes It does"

-"OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF DICK DID YOU SEE IN YOUR LIFE THAT LOOKED LIKE THIS"

You both burst out laughing as you held a churro in your hand.

You continued to walk while eating and doing some of the rollercoaster and games for a few hours talking about everything.

You took her hand again and lead her to a

Stall.

"Okay imma try to win you this one"

-"I'd like to see you try"

-"you underestimate me diane"

-"well do it then"

You had to shoot all of the blue balloons in order to win. After your second try diane said that you both should try something else but you insisted.

-"wait you know what they say, third time's the charm"

And you won, she looked at you with wide eyes.

-"How did you get it ?! Those games are rigged"

-"i know but as soon as you get were the trap is, you can avoid it"

It was almost 7pm and the sun was starting to set.

"So have you been good today diane ?"

-"what ?"

-"I told you if you were good i'dd take you somewhere so...were you a good girl today ?"

She couldn't help but get a little aroused at your words but it was something you'd explore later.

-"i think so ?"

-"Okay that's good enough for me" you giggled softly and took your car and drove of.

-"where are we going y/n"

-"it's a surprise diane now close your eyes"

"Oh..okay" she said shyly.

You both arrived a few minutes later at what looked like a dead-end.

"Are you sure you took the right road darling"

-"yed, i took the exact one i wanted"

You stopped the engine close to the edge of the road.

"There we are diane, time to get out of the car".

You both got out and she was confused about where you were. So you went to her side and lead her by the hand to where you wanted and she smiled at you.

"Here, don't move and don't peak"

You went back to the car, at some point she got scared you were going to leave her here and drive off, like her mom did to her once because she wasn't doing what she wanted.

Somehow you understood her fear and yelled from the car;

"don't worry I'm not leaving you here, just grabbing some stuff."

She laughed at how ridiculous it was for her to fear that you'd leave, you were too gentle and caring for that.

You got back with a cover that you set on the grass, a few pillows and what looked like a

Cool box.

You helped her sit as she still had her eyes shut.

"There, you can open them".

She blinked a few time to adjust to the light before she took in the amazing picture she had in front of her. You were at the edge of a cliff, with the sun setting on the horizon, and she could see green fields and forests from kilometers around.

"This view is so beautiful y/n"

"It is..."

You told her as you were looking at a very different landscape, her. Her beautiful brown eyes shining orange as the sun goes down, her long and golden red hair cascading down her naked shoulders. She looked at you and your replied.

"It is...this view is beautiful" emphasizing that you ment that she was the beautiful view.

She smiled lovingly and you share a few kisses.

"I know I said we'd have dinner at my house but I couldn't help but think that a picnic here would be perfect. So I brought a few things, wine...pasta...cheese...and cake"

You pulled everything out of the cool bag and set it on the blanket.

"Oh y/n ! You have the best ideas."

You ate as you chatted and stared at the sky, when you finished the cake she said.

-"See i told you, you had overcooked it last time, now it's perfect."

"Yeah, i gotta admit, i did pretty good here"

You stayed like this for a while cuddled together as the night came. You felt her shiver and as much as you didn't want to ruin the moment you knew you should get back.

"Hey... it's getting cold here, we should go back home"

"I don't want the night to be over, of we go home, I'll only see you tomorrow."

-"no it's fine you can sleep at my house tonight."

She held your gaze for a while.

"No funny business, I promise"

She chuckled and agreed.

You drove back to your house, diane staring at the moon, and your hand on her lap most of the ride. When you got to the door she asked ;

"Wait, i don't have my stuff to sleep should I get it?"

-"No it's fine I'll hand you some stuff"

-"oh okay"

-"So do you want to watch a movie or go to bed directly ? Or both at the same time for that matter, i have a tv in my bedroom."

-"both?"

-" don't ask me, I'm asking you diane."

-"well both then"

-"Both it is"

You took her hand and lead her to your bedroom. You found some oversized t shirt and shorts for yourself and asked her if she wanted some too, which she did.

After you got ready for bed she got out of the bathroom and she looked really sexy, the short showing her slim legs.

"Hey"

-"hi..." She replied in a small voice.

"Don't shy away diane, you are very beautiful like this, and If you don't want me to sleep here, I'll sleep in the guest room."

-"okay...so what are we watching ?"

-"i got 'tomorrowland", "gravity" or "the fault in our stars or literally anything else here, "Carol" or "elisa and Marcela"?"

-"the last one please"

-"the last on it is"

You put the dvd in and got up on the bed next to her. When the movie was over you were ...-horny-...no happy and so was diane.

"I had an amazing night y/n"

-"me too diane"

-"i wish everyday could be like this"

-"yeah..me too"

"Thank you for tonight, it was perfect"

-"thank you for being perfect"

She giggled and it send a shiver down your spine.

You were both really close, your back against the headboard and her back between your legs. She turned around and sat on her heels.

-"I really appreciate everything you do form me"

-"and i appreciate that you let me do them for you, and that you are here with me"

you softly replied before kissing her sweetly.

It was just a peck at first but then she started kissing back and by the time you were done you had her on her back, your hands caressing her hips and you were making out with her.

Your hands went under her shirt and found her bra covered breast that you kneaded lightly. She moaned against your lips and you started to kiss your way down her neck, as you worked on getting her shirt off. You heard her soft whimper of pleasure as you bit her skin gently and traced your fingers over her nipples.

You took off her bra and kissed her chest electing soft cries from her as she arched her back. She wasn't very vocal but her breathing was a good indicator of what she liked.

After you started to sick on her buds she held your head up slightly looking at your eyes "wait".

You immediately got the message and was quicker to put it into words.

"Hey..we don't have to do anything tonight, we can stop anytime and just cuddle for a while before we sleep...we can take this as slow as you want."

"I...can we...I'm not sure I'm quite ready to have sex with you tonight"

you pushed yourself off of her. And laid next to her while you whispered softly;

"alright do you wanna put your shirt back on and cuddle maybe ?"

-"i'dd like that...sorry"

-"hey no no no no... No need to apologise sweet thing...we are not doing anything you are uncomfortable with okay ? I'm already happy with being here with you. I can wait as long as you need."

You got off the bed and she got worried, but her fears vanished away when she saw you were just looking for her shirt that you threw in excitement.

"There, found it" you said as you handed it to her.

You got under the covers and she finished putting her clothes back on. Once she was done you scooted close to her and asked her if she was okay with you spooning her.

"Yes I'd like that too"

You pressed her back against your front and circles your arms around her middle as your legs were touching.

"Goodnight beautiful"

"Night my sweet y/n"

#diane sherman x reader #diane sherman #sarah paulson fanfiction

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somewhat-crazy · 3 years

Note

Hello dear! I'm just gonna drop this off here before I forget! May I please have a creepypasta match-up? Tysm in advance and feel free to take all the time that you need! Also sorry if this is a bit long.

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back.

I have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting.

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything. I also love tyring new things like skate boarding, playing guitar, learning how to cook things and bake.

Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider

I match you with: Toby

honey im sorry this took so long ;-;

idk, you just really radiate toby vibes

he thinks that it's adorable how short and cute you are. he's not super tall (5'7") but still thinks you're super cute ^^

your personalities are actually a very good match for each other! toby doesn't look very threatening, but when you're with him, people usually leave him alone lol

if they actually knew you two though, it's just fluff

the amount of stupid things you two do together is extremely concerning. slender actually has secretly sent one of the other proxies after you on your dates quite a few times just because most of the time you would end up trying something and almost die

also dw toby hates spiders too

YOUR MUSIC TASTE IS LIKE 99% THE SAME so if you don't mind making playlists with him or blasting music at all hours of the night... 🥺👉👈

he's very conscious about your mental health and sometimes knows how you're feeling better than you do. if he ever sees you getting into a cycle again, he immediately points it out and will offer to help if he can in any way

and yes this one is a tiny longer than most, i felt bad about not doing requests lately :((

#creepypasta #creepypasta matchups #ticci toby #ticci toby x reader

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uncloseted · 3 years

Note

1/2

1/2 Hi. I think I could use some help, I'll try to make this short. When I was 14yo (I'm 20 now) I dated a 18yo guy, thank God we were taking it slow and never made things official. Now that I'm older I can see that relash was rlly wrong. He was manipulating, used me to boost his ego, forced me to do things I wasn't comfortable doing and I think although we weren't official, he cheated on me? (more on that later). After a few months of fooling around, I found out something about him that I didn't like and confronted him about it, with the intention of ending that relash. He started begging me not to leave him, asking me tricky questions about the things I had heard of him with the intention of "making me realize" he did nothing wrong, and he even became violent with the person who told me those things, to the point I couldn't break up with him because I was scared. I just stopped answering his texts and calls because I was afraid of even talking to him and eventually he took the hint and suggested we broke up. We decided to stay friends, but that only lasted a few days, because one day, via Facebook Messenger, he suggested we got back together and I rejected him, so he blocked me. Months later, I had to close my Facebook due to harassment (not related to him) and opened a new one. Facebook showed me his profile in 'people you may know' and I decided to peek out of curiosity. Turns out, the moment we broke up, he started uploading photos with his new girlfriend. The descriptions of those pics said the exact same things he used to tell me, and I ain't good a math but I did some calcs and he had to be with her while still being with me lmao. I really didn't care, I was just happy I got rid of him, and I moved on with my life. Some time later I fell head over heels for a guy from my workplace, who I still hold close to my heart. I have trust issues and I am a very private person, especially with my relashs, so I didn't tell anyone about this guy except from like 3 friends. One of them was a girl (that we'll call Anne) who was like a sister to me, and was also friends with my ex. Over the next 2 years I had a relash with this guy, everytime I talked to Anne I used to tell her more details about my relash. Then, one day, I got a text from my ex. He texted me like we were besties and nothing had ever happened between us, like he didn't block me TWICE (yeah, he blocked me from my new Facebook too even though I never tried to reach out to him). I was angry at his nerve and told him so, he realized I was upset and changed his persona from confident and tough as nails to regretful and soft, telling me he was sorry for being so immature all those years before, but excusing his shitty behavior by saying he always "kept an eye on me". Um, wtf? He told me he was always asking stuff about me to Anne, looking out for me. I wanted to know what exactly he knew, but, trying to manipulate me again, he said he would only tell me if I accepted to play a game with him: I could ask him one question if he would ask me one in exchange and so on, and we had to be ttly honest with each other. I really didn't wanna get into his shenanigans but I only had one question (wtf do u exactly know about me, creep?) so I accepted. He asked his question first (dID u fEeL sAd wHeN i bLoCkEd U?) and I asked mine. I thought he maybe knew something about my school stuff and MAYBE that I had been dating someone else. Turns out he knew every. single. detail about my personal life. Not only he KNEW I was with other guy...

2/2 Not only he KNEW I was with other guy. He knew his entire name, the school he attended and every little detail from our relationship and other stuff about my personal life. Every single thing I told Anne, opening my heart to her, she told him. I felt terribly violated. I felt like a dissected frog, open for anyone to see my most inner parts. I felt ashamed, unprotected, sad and angry, all at the same time. I told him what he did was disgusting, to never reach me again or try to "keep an eye on me", and that I would make that job easier for him by getting Anne out of my life. He apologized, said he understood the situation, would respect my wishes, and wished me a happy life. I thought that was it. It took me a while but I got to heal, to feel safe again, although I still have a hard time trusting my friends. But I was wrong. Months later he sent me a Friend Resquest. I was a lil afraid, but tried to calm myself saying he probably just was checking if I was still upset, so I rejected the request and again convinced myself that was really it. But then he sent some girls to take pictures of me during my high school graduation ceremony and recently, his cousin (who was my friend when we were 14 but haven't talked since) texted me. I know that sometimes nostalgia makes you reach out to old friends, but we weren't close at all. Besides, he acted super weird, didn't even try to make small talk or let the convo flow naturally, but went straight for super specific and weird questions: are you studying college? what are you doing with your life? are you in a relationship? I was really weirded out and considered the possibility he may have been asking all those things because my ex asked him to do so, so I kept my answers short and vague, not giving him the info he wanted, and although I def came out as cutting, he kept asking. I tried to still be friendly because I didn't wanna seem paranoid, but I think he realized I wasn't telling him anything over texts, so he asked me to meet again over some beers with his friends on October 27th and that's when I stopped answering. I thought about that strange invitation for a few days until it hit me: October 27th is my ex's birthday. So much about respecting my wishes. I spent the rest of that month really nervous that cousing would try to reach out again, but nothing happened and I started to feel calmed again. Until, in November, he wrote me again, this time asking me if I wanted to go to the beach with his friends. I haven't even bother to open that text. Since them, I've been super paranoid. I know my ex's attacks aren't that consecutive (more like every two years: he contacted me and sent me that friend request when I was 16, hijacked my graduation at 18 and now sends his cousin at 20) but I can't help but think he's always there "keeping an eye on me" and planning his next move. I stopped accepting any friend requests because I'm afraid he will send someone for me, and if someone I already have on my friend list but idk texts me and after some small talks asks me about my life, I get paranoid and ask them why they wanna know and if they have some hidden intentions. Also, there's a mall near his house, and everytime I have to go there to buy something, I feel like crying because I'm afraid I'll stumble with him. I probably sound crazy. Some people may think I'm exaggerating and I should just let my ex stalk me and act all obsessed, but I feel dirty everytime I think about him knowing my personal stuff. It was just so traumatizing the first time. Do you get me? I feel like nobody gets me. Please help me, what can I do? I don't know how to make him stop, I'm tired of living in fear.

Not to start this off with an unrelated thought, but when did Tumblr get rid of its character limit on asks? I don’t think I’ve ever seen it let someone send in a message this long in one ask.

To get to your situation, I can definitely see why this would be a stressful and uncomfortable situation for you. The first thing I would do is to stop interacting with your ex and people related to your ex. You don’t owe his cousin anything. Block both of their numbers, block their social media accounts, etc., and do that for everyone else who’s friends with your ex (or put them on limited profile/create a “close friends” list on social media). Tell all of your friends in no uncertain terms that you don’t want them talking about you to your ex, even if it’s stuff that seems harmless, and cut those people off if they do talk to your ex about you.

The other action you could take is to file a restraining order. If you go down that route, you’ll have to fill out some forms and file them with the court, and then have a hearing with a judge where you explain your situation. Then, you’ll have a second appearance in court where the stalker is present, and you both get the opportunity to explain the situation. The judge will then determine the final order and the conditions of that order. It can be a bit of an involved process, but it may give you some peace of mind.

The last thing I would suggest is going to therapy. It seems like you’ve been through something traumatic, and a mental health professional can help you to work through that and move on from it. There are many options for therapy, both online and in-person. If you have health insurance, your insurance should cover at least some therapy sessions. If not, some therapists provide services on a sliding-scale, and online services like BetterHelp can be less expensive than traditional therapy.

#Anonymous #effys-closet #effys closet

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anonymoustalks · 4 years

Conversation

The left has become absorbed by identity politics and is obsessed with race.. it scares me that they will create more racists than before they started

(6-17-20) You both like politics.

You: heyaa

Stranger: Hi

Stranger: How are you

You: anything you're interested in?

You: I am fine

Stranger: I'm interested in hearing opinions on things

You: oh, me too ^^

You: what kind of things?

Stranger: Politics is divisive, but in order to get a better understanding I wish to listen to both sides

You: awesome, I think that's great ^^

Stranger: :) thank you

You: do you have issues you care about most?

Stranger: The current fall of western society

You: fall of western society huh

You: can you elaborate more?

Stranger: Over the past few years we have seen western society devolve. Where once we were fairly united and we stood strong, we have become more divided and with the introduction of identity politics, that has just worsened till we have gotten to where we are now. China is currently pushing her borders, and yet with the US in flames and the uk following suit (along with France for that matter), noone challenges it

You: mhm *nodsnods*

Stranger: To speak out against the lunacy is to be called a racist and a bigot, not that that's anything new of course but those who are calling for these things seem to not really understand the importance and significance of their actions. I see this as akin to the 1920s Weimar Republic. They are pushing for things they don't want

You: you type a lot haha

Stranger: Sorry i am choosing my words carefully

You: mhm it's fine

You: so you think strong foreign policy is very important?

Stranger: I do. I am from South Africa, though I live in the uk. For those who live outside the us and Europe, we see the importance of Baro and the us on a geopolitical scale. China owns the east of Africa, if not central as well. The us has been the top dog preventing them and Russia from doing much for years, though that's going to change in the coming years

Stranger: NATO not baro* bloody autocorrect

You: oh okay I was wondering what that was haha

Stranger: If I may ask, where are you from?

You: the us actually

Stranger: I thought you might be given the time :) it's half 1 am here

You: yeah it's late!

You: so in your view, western countries need to have more of a spine?

You: is that basically what you're saying?

Stranger: Always. But history has a cycle.

Stranger: Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times

You: very fair

You: speaking of cycles, I think something that is floating around these days

You: is whether it's sort of like the beginning of the end of american hegemony

You: sort of like UK's empire gradually had its sunset

Stranger: This is what I am concerned with. All empires have their time in the sun, and all shall fade. I had hoped I would be dead before it happened. I made a prediction several years ago that should trump win in 2020 again, there will be civil war. I am unsure on my prediction of civil war, but I can see that he will win. Should there not be war, I give it another 2 presidencies before yourselves will fall, and ww3 breaks out

You: hmm the us is steamy right now, but idk about civil war

Stranger: It's been brewing for a while now by my estimation

You: that said I would not be surprised about China continuing to be more aggressive

You: that stuff with India yesterday?

You: ^^

Stranger: Without strong willed opposition, they will always push more overtly. They have done so in the shadows for years now

Stranger: And that's just one example

Stranger: They have intruded on Thailand air space as well

You: I don't think either democrats or republicans are very foreign-policy aggressive right now though

You: idk if your concern will be that much better with biden

You: clinton was a little hawkish but she lost 2016

Stranger: It would be much worse with Biden, or anyone from the left EXCEPT Tulsi Gabbard

You: oh you sounded like you didn't want trump to win lol

Stranger: I don't like him. But honestly, he's the best option out of what has been shown. Bernie is a socialist, Hillary is a warmonger, Biden will probably be a puppet. Who can stand? Hillary could be strong, but you would go to war. For all his faults, Trump has avoided war and conflict. He brought North Korea to the discussion table.

You: okay ^^

Stranger: I may not like him but he is effective, and has been a boon to you economy though as someone who works in finance, the next crash is due soon

You: fair enough although I think a lot of places are hurt by the coronavirus economy anyways

Stranger: Yeah.. the lockdowns are odd.. why quarantine those who are healthy? We have always quarantined those who were I'll first, and then those who go out and riot get a free pass? It's a bit confusing, and is a little bit of double think. Rules don't apply to you if you have the correct opinions it would seem

You: idk the US never really had forced quarantines

You: everything here was just you were supposed to do it

Stranger: The uk did, apologies

Stranger: Well not heavily enforced near me

You: we had college students going to beaches even though the quarantine was happening

You: because young ppl think they are invincible

You: and dumb ^^

Stranger: Hahaha yeah you aren't wrong in that

Stranger: But I have waffled on, may I hear your opinions on what we have discussed?

You: mhm, I disagree but it's cool yo~

Stranger: No that's great, it shows that we can discuss and hopefully come to compromise

Stranger: Thank you for being chill and relaxed

You: mhm I'm basically a hippie though so I don't usually take strong stances on international intervention

Stranger: That's fair and understandable. I used to agree with that as well for many years

You: I kind of think it's a little bit of a selfish position to take (the peace one)

You: in the sense that I don't want to deal with other people's problems

You: so in a sense it's kinda selfish

Stranger: It is and it isn't :)

Stranger: It's a moral good and a difficult thing. Peace only exists as reprieve from war. Humanity is a war like species, and peace only ever exists between them. And I applaud your pacifism

You: idk I'm not sure if it's always something to applaud

You: I think in a sense it's a kind of inaction

Stranger: A good thought experiment for you then, look at ww2

You: yup

You: I'm familiar with isolationism in history and its ramifications

Stranger: The us was neutral officially for years, and because they took no strong stance, the Nazis rose to power. Admittedly it was partly the fault of all the allies and ww1 but that's a digression.

Stranger: But war was thrust upon them officially by what happened. The peaceful stance can be taken from you, but that is not a bad thing in my opinion

You: yup

Stranger: What would you do if you could, at that time?

You: at that time?

You: hmm

You: it's not a question I've thought very much about

Stranger: I thought on that myself

You: and what did you conclude?

Stranger: My answer was intervention. Stop the Anschluss, the Munich agreement, the extremely harsh measures of the treaty at the end of ww1

You: oh yeah that was a terrible treaty

You: I kind of imagined myself as an average person though haha

Stranger: But I understand the reasoning at the time for allowing all those things to go through

Stranger: I am too

You: you would have protested your government signing that treaty?

Stranger: That's why thay generation was called the greatest generation. We the average man stood up and took up arms, because they believed what was right.

Stranger: It is difficult to say that if I lived in that time I would. Of it was today, 100%

You: mhm... war is frightening

Stranger: We cannot judge the past with the same moral standing we have today

You: of course

Stranger: And yes, war really is a horrible thing

Stranger: If peace was an option, I would go for it. Often times though, we have no control over that

You: mhm there is suffering in a lot of places, and violence that arises from suffering and hatred

Stranger: Look at the Nazis and the hatred of the Jews. That was extremely common all across Europe, the uk and the us. Many leaders in politics and business liked the Nazis initially. But just because something is common, does not make it right

You: I actually never understood antisemitism

Stranger: You are quite wise, and I agree with you. But the sad thing is, there will always be suffering

You: or why people hate(d) jewish people

Stranger: The scary thing is, many of those in BLM look up to a man called Farrakhan (forgive me on the spelling) who is a huge antisemite. Like he openly calls for violence against them. He gets away with it, because he is black. Why he hates them I don't know. They are hated I think, because they are the oldest abrahamic religion and the oldest monothesist one as well, from which both Islam and Christianity draw their teachings from initially

You: I just don't understand why they are hated

You: often by christians too

Stranger: Me neither, I find it abhorrent. They have been persecuted for thousands of years

You: yeah idk I just don't understand why

Stranger: I have yet to find out why. I know in Islam they hate them as it is dictated within their scriptures, though the exact wording I am unsure on. Christians I would think it's because they don't believe that Jesus was the son of God

You: I guess so

Stranger: But I may be entirely wrong

Stranger: Which I probably am

You: idk I don't know anything so I have no clue

Stranger: Hence why I like and want discussion :) we learn more through communication

Stranger: We become better the more we communicate

You: is there a reason why you dislike blm so much?

Stranger: I stand against identitarianism

You: so basically all those "pride" movements?

Stranger: I come from a racist country that segregated everyone and everything based on the colour of everyone's skin and I was hated for being the colour of my skin just for being born. I cannot condone movements that wish to implement the same things, as it will lead to suffering and hatred.

Stranger: I have nothing against being proud of your race, though I think the idea is a bit stupid. I have an issue with everything needing to divided up based on the colour of ones skin, I choose to judge someone on the basis of their character. I'm not perfect and there are times where I have been prejudiced but it is something I am consious of and wish to not do

You: mhm okay

You: I'm not sure if blm wants things to be divided up based on race though

You: I thought they were mostly against police brutality

Stranger: Some very much so are. Though I will concede that not all of them are, and I should tar everyone with the same brush. But as a counter to that, look at CHAZ in Seattle, they have segregated farms though calling them that is hilarious

You: I thought chaz is just a city block?

Stranger: On the police brutality, I agree with them and that reform must happen. Abolishing police is not a good idea. More funding is required, better training and better internal policies and structures to vette and review the officers is needed. Abolishing them will lead to anarchy. You are correct that Chaz is, but it is a microcosm showing the very things I stand against. I am against racism of all kinds, segregation is a form of racism. The us had a history where they did it too and agreed that it was wrong

You: mhm

You: I just wasn't familiar with blm as pro-segregation

You: that said, most blm activists are just really young

Stranger: They have been co-opted by those who are. And many activists are young white kids

You: I don't think mainstream democrats take them very seriously

Stranger: I'm not so certain. But I hope I am wrong

You: idk I mean these days who knows what kind media we each read

You: so I'm sure I'm in a bubble too

Stranger: They may see these things as a good and helpful idea, but the road to hell is often paved with good intentions

Stranger: Of course, and I hope I'm wrong. I recommend a variety of news sources, especially independent ones. A great one is a guy named Tim Pool on YouTube. He is a left leaning centrist guy who is upfront with his leanings. But he gives the news as it is

You: mhm I try to avoid youtube news

You: although idk if it's truly reliable to always go through bbc or ap or others

You: they are just mainstream

Stranger: BBC is very biased in my opinion. Tim used to work on mainstream media but he left. I would call him credible, he looks at news sources and verifies them. He's very milk toast and fence sits allot the problem with news is that all sides want to spin things the way they want it

You: mhm okay

You: is there any kind of mainstream media that you like?

Stranger: I don't trust any of them when it comes to almost anything except weather and sport scores. I will listen to what is said from various sources before coming to my own conclusions. I have lost all faith in the media since 2016

You: I see, I guess it ends up being hard to find something to trust

Stranger: Unfortunately it is. My reasons for it was both the elections in the us for 2016 and the brexit vote here in the uk. I was very similar to you then, very much so a hippie and very left leaning. I disagreed with Trump and Brexit, but I lost. But the way the media and society within the left handled themselves and the situation, that put me off completely and pushed me to become more conservative than what I was

You: interesting, although I'm not exactly following what made you more interested in conservative things

Stranger: The constant denigration of those who you disagree with. The treatment hat those people got, most of whom are the working class, upon the backs of which society is upheld. They are not racist or evil. They have a different opinion and different values. How does making a choice in a democracy make someone evil when neither side is perfect?

Stranger: The left preaches tolerance, except that it doesnt in reality

You: mhm yeah I don't like that

You: I don't think it is effective either

Stranger: All it does is polarize people

Stranger: And drive them further away from reaching g a compromise

You: right

Stranger: Don't get me wrong, I don't agree with Brexit, but as a democracy we made a decision. So now we need to exact that decision. I would have voted for trump despite my disdain for him

Stranger: Enact not exact*

You: I think there are a lot of people who think similarly as you do ^^

Stranger: There really are

Stranger: The left has become absorbed by identity politics and is obsessed with race.. it scares me that they will create more racists than before they started

Stranger: Constantly calling your opposition racist and evil will force them into being it

You: mhm I think there are some things to distinguish between social media left-wing people and people in everyday life I think

You: the vitriol is always much more amplified online than people are irl

Stranger: Oh agreed! Twitter is not real life, but it has started to bleed over

You: I live in a fairly liberal state, although I don't really think I have ever seen twitter irl

You: although I do think there is probably self-censorship occuring

You: in the sense that people are afraid of what their neighbors will think

Stranger: There is allot of that

Stranger: Anything you say will be used against you. Even if it's not that controversial

Stranger: People have lost their jobs for an opinion not done at work

You: that said, I don't think that's per say the "left's" fault though -- I just think that public opinion has shifted dramatically in the last 10 years

Stranger: Or how about the man who lost his job because his wife said something controversial

Stranger: I agree with you

Stranger: I really do

Stranger: Allot of this I do think could have been stopped years ago

You: I don't really like the lynch firing of people

You: that companies do for their public image

You: because the truth doesn't matter

You: it's just public image

Stranger: They do so because they are scared of the mob

You: but at the same time, I think public image is a thing because majority opinion really has shifted in the past two decades

You: opinions on homosexuality have swung dramatically in the US

You: ten years ago it was totally okay in public to be anti-homosexual

Stranger: Obama was against gay marriage until it was politically important for him to win the next election

You: but public opinion I think has swung really fast

You: yeah

You: I think he swapped at the first poll that showed >50% of americans supported it

Stranger: Yep! I find it hilarious that that was the case

You: yes but I think conservatives find this kind of fast change extremely uncomforting

You: I can understand that sentiment

You: also isn't it getting kinda late for you? ^^

Stranger: Conservatives are by their very nature are conservative. Change is neither malevolent nor benevolent, but we cannot look at change as universally good. Not can we disregard tradition

Stranger: It's 3 am and I can still keep going, I'm enjoying this conversation :)

You: I need to do the dishes eventually lol

Stranger: If you wish to leave you can by all means :) I won't hate you for it

You: I'm fine either way tbh

You: are you working right now? if you have work tomorrow you should prob go to bed

Stranger: It's up to you :) I can go for ages though my coherence Kay descend

Stranger: I'm sadly unemployed at the moment having lost my job earlier this year

You: coronavirus?

Stranger: Sadly yes

You: that's unfortunate, I'm sorry

Stranger: Not your fault :) so don't stress

You: so aside from Russia and China and the decline of western things, is there anything else that you stress about lol?

Stranger: The drive of censorship

Stranger: I have serious issue with censory

You: mhm

Stranger: And yourself?

You: mhm I dunno really

Stranger: That's good, though I would urge you to become concerned with censorship

You: mhm maybe

You: for me it's sort of a contextual concern I think

You: in the sense that it depends on your vantage point

Stranger: Opinions, art and books doesn't matter. Today it is their voice, tomorrow it is my voice. The day after it becomes your voice. Censorship takes away their rights to speak, and your rights to listen

You: mhm, what I mean is that my family immigrated from China

You: so my reference point of censorship is literal government censorship

You: in comparison the "political correctness" thing just doesn't seem as big to me imo

You: because 90% of it to me is sort of like a person's relationship with the neighbor basically

You: the US government doesn't censor what you can publish essentially

Stranger: That's fair enough, but this is where it starts. Things take time, and if anyone gives in (such as they have in several cases) that builds. In time that becomes the norm, there after what gets censored will not be at the choice of the people but of those who are in power

You: perhaps, although I kind of have faith in the 1st ammendment and the US supreme court

You: we barely have libel laws or defamation laws in the US because of the 1st ammendment

Stranger: I have seen calls to change and amend it. In the uk we have no freedom of speech, people have been arrested for jokes, what's been said on Twitter, etc. There are those who say that it's ok to censor this and that because e they are problematic or it would be good for everyone. But that is how it starts. The US has so much freedom

You: ahh... yeah I feel like it is different in the uk

Stranger: The uk doesn't care for free speech. It's very worrying and there are calls for even more censorship here.

You: mhm that sounds worrisome

Stranger: I guess I project it across to all western countries, and that is something we have seen recently

You: I don't think the US will lose the 1st amendment anytime soon, it's not politically realistiic

Stranger: Look at Amazon censoring books and movies being removed etc, this is how this begins. If it is allowed now, how can we stop it in the future

You: idk the status of free speech in other countries

You: actually this is a very interesting topic

Stranger: The us is one of the only countries that has it

You: do you think freedom of speech should be protected in private spaces?

Stranger: Codified in law that is

You: because technically freedom of speech for us is supposed to be only related to public government relationships

Stranger: I believe it should always be be protected

You: specifically "congress will make no law restricting freedom of speech" (paraphrased)

You: so you believe that private companies should not control what is said on their premises?

You: I mean it's fine if you believe that, it's actually just a bit further than what the current status quo is

Stranger: Yes. They are not above the law. Society may shun them, but they should not become involved. Outright calls for violence are against the law and that should be honoured, outside of that no they should not impose on pthers

You: hmm in the US this is where things get super complicated

You: because conservatives are also the ones who want content restricted/said in their religious schools too

Stranger: I've noticed.. and that has an effect on the rest of the world

You: basically "freedom of religion" and "freedom of speech" being on the same political side here makes things very weird

Stranger: And yeah I am aware of that as well, though the pendulum seems to have swung to the other side now. And it will swing back to the other side again

You: kind of like "My store should have the freedom of religion to deny my patrons of being homosexual in my store" kinda thing

Stranger: Yeah it is hard but there is more to the opposite side than just the one thing

You: it's a weird convoluted thing when both are conservative issues

Stranger: That's a difficult one, but I would say that should be discussed and debated but the highest courts. I cannot say from a legal sense one way or the other, morally I can say that it's hard to decide. I think that everyone should get a choice but I am uncertain

Stranger: By not but*

You: mhm that's fine ^^

You: I just think it's very interesting because most laws here, they govern the relationship between between the government and the people

You: so our freedom of speech laws do not apply to amazon censoring books because they are a private company

Stranger: Which is the difficult thing

Stranger: They are protected by being a private company

Stranger: As it's not just them

You: maybe ^^ we have a free market though, so things that cannot be published on amazon will find an outlet elsewhere

You: provided there is a demand for it

You: that said, it also has some gray area with morality laws

Stranger: That is true but monopoloes make things harder to find

You: kind of like youtube banning pornographic content

Stranger: Yeah I can understand that morally, legally I don't know but I would assume that there is some laws regarding that

You: I mean I'm just used to many various sites having bans of various sorts

Stranger: The uk has some

Stranger: Yeah, but there are protections for them being platforms not publishers

You: I don't think there is any law forcing youtube to ban pornographic content; it's just a branding choice by the company

Stranger: If they are publishers, those protections don't apply

You: like I think they want to be seen as family-friendly

Stranger: Fair enough, would have thought there might be

You: porn sites are not illegal in the US lol

Stranger: Not family friendly, advertisement friendly

You: lol true

Stranger: Sorry I don't know enough to be able to say :) I'm happy to admit that

You: mhm aside from political correctness, I guess I just don't personally see a big problem with censorship in the US

You: although I think I have a different belief than you that I think it's okay for private companies to choose what they want to publish

You: even if the ban content

You: these companies still need to compete

Stranger: Them doing so is fine, but if they wish to be protected as platforms they cannot act as a publisher. I think that's the Crux of their protections

Stranger: It is something that has been going for a while though

Stranger: And I think Trump will have it in his campaign for reelection this year

You: okay ^^

Stranger: But I don't know, he has been interested in censorship and has said he is against it in the past

You: I think people mean different things by censorship

You: but that's just imo

You: there are almost no western countries that experience censorship by their governments

You: so people mean things like censorship at their workplace

You: although imo that's kind of less censorship and more on the political correctness spectrum

Stranger: True. That is very true. But if you don't stop censorship openly, then should it come from government you don't already know you can stand against it

You: but to me, that "political correctness" isn't anything new either; it's as old as time

You: like did we always worry about saying something that would offend our boss?

You: ^^

You: it's always been there

You: I just think people are uncomfortable because bosses have changed in the last few decades

Stranger: It's not just their work place. The new "town square" is has become online. Your freedoms online are not protected despite it being codified in law

Stranger: And you aren't wrong, and coming from China or at least your family, you bring an interesting perspective

You: I feel like in the US we have very little digital legislation

You: the US of is head of hear

You: *there

Stranger: The world needs a digital bill of rights, to protect us all and our data. But we won't get it

You: but I don't think we have anything guaranteeing that speech on the Internet is free by any regard

Stranger: I would argue we do

You: hm? which law?

You: I like most websites have ToS's and rules banning X Y or Z on their site

Stranger: Freedom of speech and expression

You: oh I mean in terms of law

Stranger: That is what I meant, so that we are free to speak and express ourselves. I also believe that our data should be private and cannot be sold and that should be protected. There are other things that I have heard but it's difficult to remember all those that were proposed

You: ahh

You: yeah we don't have those laws right now

Stranger: Today stuff is okay but you are not protected

You: although the EU has some privacy ones that we don't have in the US

Stranger: The EU doesn't care mostly

Stranger: Some laws only protect some information, I'm talking about all of our information

You: ^^

Stranger: Everything we post and do is tracked, monitored and sold

Stranger: We revel in it, "I was talking about cats/dogs and all of a sudden I got adds for cat/dog products"

Stranger: We hear that often

You: yup

Stranger: Also, with regards to our rights and things, who holds these companies accountable?

Stranger: Take google for example

Stranger: They have been caught tampering with the elections

You: well, again, we have basically no laws about this in the US so there is no accountability

Stranger: They openly censor news and opinions

Stranger: They are a monopoly

You: although some europrean countries have lawsuits whatever with them

You: yup they totally are

You: where are anti-trust laws lol?

Stranger: That's what I think Trump will be looking at, I would if I was in his shoes

Stranger: But they were given special protections

Stranger: Those need to be taken away, the large companies need to be broken up but governments are incompetent

Stranger: I don't trust them to do it well

You: mhm it actually reminds me of south korea actually

Stranger: I mean there are a few senators in the states that I think have the moral fortitude to do so, but I don't know

You: countries are loathe to break up companies that they're proud of basically

Stranger: Yep

You: like samsung in south korea lol?

Stranger: They wouldn't break them up

Stranger: It would do serious damage to the economy and blah blah blah

You: their revenue was like 20% of the entire country's gdp

Stranger: Yep it's a difficult argument

Stranger: And I can understand why you wouldnt

Stranger: That 20% could drop to below 1%

You: anyhow it is getting kind of late

You: it was nice talking to you

You: and you should sleep ^^

Stranger: Likewise! :) I needed to move my sleep schedule for a 24 hour race on the weekend anyway, sp thank you for occuping my time and mind :)

You: goodnight!

Stranger: I'm glad to have met another willing to talk, take care my good friend

You have disconnected.

#omegle #identity politics #blm #foreign policy #trump #china #anti-semitism #tech #internet privacy #censorship #first ammendment #freedom of speech #political correctness #politics

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lunebinnie · 5 years

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(1/11)Oh my gosh yesss I'm glad that you like long messages too because I talk way too much 😂 (And yeah about my friend and just hanging out w/ her more that's exactly what I was thinking 😂) It's actually kind of funny bc just yesterday I was hanging out at her house and her younger brother needed to go to Walmart and I was like 'I've been meaning to go to Walmart, I'll take you' and ofc since I have a bluetooth radio adapter the whole drive I had my Spotify going with some quality k-bops, lol

2)And as we were driving I noticed him kind of jamming and I was like 'Oh my god Mickey do you actually like this???' And he was Like 'yeah, these are some good bops 👍' I was shooketh. I had to go home before I had the chance to show him any music videos but he says he's open to watching some with me next time I see him. One way or another I'm going to turn someone in my social circle into a kpop fan you mark my words ☝ and then maybe we can team up and try to work on his sister some more 😂

3)I only started first getting into kpop last June so I'm still very new, but it's definitely super frustrating how so many ppl act like it's an inherently bad or cringey genre of music just bc it's kpop! The stigma is ridiculous! I also started out with BTS (lol) and since they're pretty popular in the US at least I was able to be like 'See, this isn't just a niche thing, lots of people know abt and like this group' but of course my dad still says 'Just cause it's popular doesn't make it good'

4)And I'm like? You're a band teacher, you of all people should understand that music doesn't have to be in your native language (or even have lyrics) in order for you to enjoy it, but go off I guess... It's the same with one of my college friends. They make fun of me for liking kpop but this is coming from some who still treats March 22nd (the day My Chemical Romance broke up) as a day of mourning. Like, no tea no shade no pink lemonade, MCR was a good band nothing wrong with liking them.

5)But like if you're 22 and you still haven't grown out of your emo phase do you really have room to pick on other people for their music taste? 🤷 Anyway that's the person who follows my main that I didn't want to know I had a kpop sb. I think I made it around July. Tbh it was pretty dead for most of 2018. But like I said I've started using it way more since I recently revealed that it exists, lol. Especially since that good good Astro cb 👏💗😩 But honestly Astro is such a blessing

6)Idk how I lived so long w/o them. When I first got into kpop I was planning on just sticking to BTS since the reaction to me being into kpop was so volatile. I was like 'I'm only into one group, ppl already are negative about me liking kpop so I'm just gonna stick to this and not become a full on multifandom fan' and then in Nov I accidentally let myself fall in love with Monsta X and that plan was foiled. And realizing I wasn't gonna be able to stick to just one anymore opened the floodgates

7)And I was like okay in that case, let's just start getting into *all groups* Lol. My story of getting into Astro was actually bc of my best friend's roommate (can you tell I have like one friend and my whole social circle kinda revolves around her? Lol) so this roommate when she heard me being sad about having no kpop friends was like 'oh hey, I'm kinda into kpop' and it turns out she didn't like very many groups and was one of the ppl who blah blah BTS is overrated, which ya know isn't ideal8)But I was just really desperate to have someone to talk about kpop with. And Astro was her favorite so I was like, okay I'll get into them so that I have something to talk about with her! So I started watching some videos and I fell in love with them pretty much instantly! And I was real excited bc #1 now I can talk about kpop with someone! And #2 this group is actually amazing? Bonus! ... And then they got in a big fight about their living conditions and the roommate ended up moving out RIP

9)So that didn't work out, lol (Your story about finding them during that internship sounds amazing though! Haha) But yeah, so this is my first cb too! And although I love them w/ my whole heart and would have loved to have them in my life even sooner what an amazing cb to be your first! The concept was wonderful, the album was excellent, the visuals were to *die* for. They worked so hard and I'm so proud of them and I'm so happy we got to see their work come to fruition and get them a win 🤧🤧

10)The dance practices though? You're so right omg 💗 Me and my Rocky bias *fully* understand 😂 All of them are such good dancers?? I never fail to be impressed. Of course you know who I always end up watching tho 👀 lol (̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶l̶f̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶R̶o̶c̶k̶y̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶o̶t̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶a̶l̶m̶o̶s̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶e̶y̶e̶s̶.̶.̶.̶)̶ ̶ I also love how at the end they always pause all dramatic for a minute and then start screaming 😂

11)It's like? Amazing talent *and* dorky personalities? What more could you ask for? Lol. In regard to your last question though Unfortunately I also won't be able to see them 😔 I live in the smack middle of the US and since they're only going to coasts all of the venues are way too far away to get to. Esp since it's the school year and I can't skip class to drive cross country for a concert much as I'd like to (Holy lord I talked over twice as much?? Why am I like this?) Talk again soon! -ASA

Okay SO I’m very sorry I haven’t had the time to answer everything until now bc I’ve been busy studying for midterms and also I was a lil trashy today since my uni closed bc of freezing rain so I slept in but I’m glad that FINALLY everything got sent like damn tumblr you really don’t want us making friends huh.

Yessssss I love the feeling of seeing someone else also get into the same interests! I’ve been pretty lucky in the sense that I grew up around mostly other asian americans, so kpop was never something that was considered super “weird,” like some people were into it and some weren’t but even if you weren’t you still would’ve been familiar with the more popular groups from when you were younger. Even now, I have a bunch of friends also into kpop (one of them is even my roommate) so tbh I was definitely the one in my friend group late to the party aha. Even my university hosts kpop nights at our bar and I’m pretty sure we have a kpop dance team as well? So tbh if I met someone new there’s probably like a 50% chance they’re into kpop or at least listen casually.

Tbh I used to be a little bit judgy too but moreso because of the obscene amount of money I’ve seen some of my friends spend (no joke one of my friends has spent probably like $500+ on Loona stuff in the past month and a half and another friend bought like 5 copies of the same album for herself like damn idk how do you have that much money).

I also really don’t like it when people bash other people’s music tastes, since I feel like it’s something so personal? Idk but for a long time I used to be really self conscious about sharing my music with other people and even now I feel like that sometimes. For me after getting into BTS I kind of expected to get really into other groups since I was in Korea anyway and I was already listening to a lot of other artists casually. For me it started with NU’EST (fell for them immediately at the same concert that I saw Astro at) and then after was Astro, and then I just started slowly getting into other groups after that (even though I haven’t totally been able to get into Got7′s music they’re SO funny and I just kinda fell for their personalities you know).

I honestly think that they did such a wonderful job with this comeback too! I like seeing their concept evolve and mature but they’re not straying too far from their original cute concept so I feel like it’s a nice middle ground that’s very unique to them, you feel? Also I feel like the visuals especially and the execution of the whole plant concept was just done so well?? Even my friend who’s not in kpop was like “k idk who they are but that was the prettiest music video I’ve ever seen”. What are your favourite eras and songs? For me I’d have to say either the Spring Up or Baby era BUT right now my favourite song is probably Again/Should’ve Held On though tbh my mood and my tastes change like every few weeks loool.

I have no idea why I tend to be most attracted to the dances rather than vocals or rap (maybe has to do with the fact that it’s something I’ve always wished I could do but have always been bad at lmao). But Astro’s stood out to me for the exact same reason! I just thought it was so funny seeing them all break character at the end because you really get to see how hard their choreos are and you get a glimpse of their personalities like damn, how can you not stan these dummies?

That’s really unfortunate that you won’t get to see them either :/ They’re also coming to the closest city to me but it’s on a Tuesday, but I *hypothetically* looked up flight prices and tried to see if I could get away with just missing a day of classes if I flew back in the middle of the night since I have some friends who did the same thing and drove down to Buffalo but I seem to have underestimated the size of New York State LMAO. But apparently my university’s too far from the airport so it’s “not realistic” (and also I’m hella broke from travelling to Taiwan and Japan while I was in Korea but that’s a minor issue ig). I hope we do both get a chance to see them live though! Who knows, after the success of this comeback I’m expecting a lot more cbs and world tours out of them ;)

#asa #Anonymous

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to-the-moon-and-never-back00 · 3 years

Text

My starlight✨

It still fascinates me how I found you when I thought I can't be found. You came unexpectedly, you were my miracle. Godsent. We were classmates since grade 8 (2014) 'til SHS (2019). Sa 6 years natin na magkakilala, who knew we'll fall for each other. Seriously, hanggang ngayon hindi parin ako makapaniwala. Yung taong araw araw kong nakikita sa classroom simula grade 8, siya pala yung taong hiniling ko kay Lord. Siya na pala yun. Well, the signs weren't clear until we talked again, and it was...

August 2020

I still remember that day, August 12, 2020. I just got off from work and nagpapahinga na ako hahaha the usual me; kakain and then magbabasa ng wattpad.

Out of the blue, nag message ka sakin. That was literally unexpected 'cause I don't really talk to other people. I'm socially anxious argh idk how to react properly. My first thought were "What the hell? Bakit kaya nagchat to?" Well, in my defense hindi naman talaga tayo ganun ka "close" before kaya na wirduhan talaga ako hahaha.

Pero sobrang naappreciate ko yun lalo na nung kinamusta mo ako. I rarely talk to anyone na kakilala ko and it really meant so much to me at that time. Without any doubt, nag open up ako sa'yo. I don't know, maybe naghihintay lang talaga ako ng taong magtatanong saakin kung okay lang ako kaya noong dumating ka, gumaan talaga yung loob ko. Siguro kasi kilala kita at alam kong hindi ka masamang tao and we were friends rin. Hindi man ganun ka "close" pero I consider you as one of those peeps na mapagkakatiwalaan ko.

We started talking/chatting August 12,2020. Catch up lang sa kanya kanyang buhay. I don't remember ever talking to you like an actual conversation about our lives before nung classmates pa tayo. Well, I couldn't say na nafall agad ako at that moment duh hahaha grabehan na yun. Pero lalo kitang nakilala, hindi lang yung 'Sean' na kaklase ko nung high school. Unti unti kong nakilala yung totoong ikaw, I never knew I could see you in a different light. I admired you, you're just so amazing. You made your way to my heart kahit ang ginawa mo lang naman ay makinig at kausapin ako. Parang ganun na nga, na-fall na ako.

That feeling na I'm anticipting kung kailan ka ulit magchachat hahaha. And then nag birthday na ako, August 14. You greeted me through chat. Hindi mo alam kung paano mo ko napangiti at that time. At that time narealize ko rin na lagot na talaga ahahaha nafall na ako. Shett panindigan mo koo ahahaha char. On that day, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan yung nag post ka ng cover ng "Tanan-VNCE". I was smiling the whole time. Silently hoping na para sakin yung kanta na yun hahaha napaka assumera ko rin that time lol. Birthday ko naman nun kaya hayaan mo na hahahah

We continued to talk through chat. hindi ko na nga maalala ano pinaguusapan natin at that time hahaha. But talking to you feels great. I remember sending you my cover of KLWKN-Music Hero. I don't know if I ever told you this, but while I was recording the song,ikaw yung nasa isip ko. That was literally my first move hahahha. Kaya sobrang meaningful ng kantang yun para saakin. It was my first song for you :)

16th of August, niligawan mo ako. Nung araw palang na niligawan mo ako sure na akong sasagutin kita hahahamarupok. Gusto ko sana patagalin yung ligawagan hahaha wala lang hehe. And never ko naexperience yung may nanliligaw sakin hahaha minsan gusto ko rin maging normal na babae charot pano yun. But at the same time napuno ako ng takot. Sobrang bilis kasi, it was surreal. Iniisip ko kung nasa tamang pag iisip pa ba ako hahaha maloloka ako sayo hahahaha. But I realized that life is about taking chances. I don't want to regret anything, so might as well take the risk. And so I did,, we did...

August 18, 11:12pm. Sinagot kita. I literally screamed sa sobrang saya hahaha gumulong gulong pa ako sa higaan ko sa sobrang kilig tapos na realize ko na di pa pala ako nag reply hahaha. So ayun na yung umpisa.

First photo is my screenshot.

Second and third photos are yours hahaha yung sinend mo saakin before

Fourth photo is our first (virtual) photo together throgh video call sa messenger

Naalala ko pa rin kung gaano ako kasaya nung araw na yon. I took the risk, felt like jumping off the cliff but you jumped with me. Naalala ko pa rin yung saya na naramdaman ko. Yun yung feeling na ang sarap ulit ulitin. I never thought I could be THAT happy. Gusto ko tumakbo papunta sa'yo at that time para lang mayakap ka. Sobrang thankful ko kay Lord nung time na yun.

August 20, yun yung time na nag tweet at nag story ako tungkol saatin at nayanig ang sambayanang pilipino HAHAAHHAHA. Gulat na gulat sila 'cause same. Ang saya ko nung time na yon, kahit medyo anxious pa rin ako dahil nga sa bilis ng pangyayari. We went through that phase. Yung mga assurance mo saakin kasi palagi akong nag ooverthink. yung mga kumontra saatin at first but eventually tinaggap pa rin tayo. Nalagpasan natin yun kasi were stronger than them. Their opinion will never matter. Ang importante masaya tayo.

Umpisa pa lang yon pero ang dami ko nang anxieties na hinarap kasama ka. As a professional overthinker lol, inintindi mo ako kahit di ko maintindihan sarili ko. Hindi mo ako hinayaang harapin lahat ng yon ng mag isa. You helped me be who I am right now.

Credits sayo. Sayo galing yan screenshot na yan hehe.

Naalala ko pa rin lahat ng pangako natin sa isat-isa. Those were promises of forever.

All of our promises are for the future. We promised to be together 'til were old. We promised each other na we'll grow and be matured together and be a better version of ourselves. I promised to be there on your graduation day and you'll be there when I graduate rin sa college. Sabay natin aabutin yung pangarap natin. We imagined ourself sa kasal natin and then we'll have kids, isang babae at isang lalaki. And then we'll have a stable job and we'll live comfortably and happy and punong puno ng pagmamahal. We imagined so many things that we will do sa future that we overlooked whats in front of us. Nevertheless, sobrang saya lang talaga. To look forward for the future together.

Credits ulit sayo

Remember the dream I had before? Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng panaginip. Kung meron man oftentimes I will forget about it pagkagising ko. This one is different, kasi its really weird 'cause it felt so real. As if I was really there. Sobrang weird kaya naalala ko siya pag gising ko.

I am with my boyfriend daw, nasa loob kami ng kwarto sa bahay naka higa sa higaan ko. Sa panaginip ko hindi ko talaga maaninag yung mukha nung nasa harap ko. I had no idea who he was, ang alam ko lang is mahal na mahal ko yung lalaking yun. The moment na napunta ako sa panaginip na yun, naramdam ko lahat lahat ng pagmamahal ko sa taong yun. It's so overwhelming.

I was comforting him, sa panaginip ko hindo ko alam kung bakit hahaha I just felt like it. I hugged him really tight and I kissed his temple. That moment, it felt like home and it was wonderful.

It was the feeling that I never felt before. It was true love. I was like,, Lord when kaya? Is this a sign? If yes ibigay niyo na saakin please.

Sinabi ko sayo tong panaginip na to before it really happened. Naalala ko pa yung date. November 6, It was your first time dito sa bahay to hang out. Tumambay tayo sa kwarto hehe. We talked about a lot of things while we cuddled sa higaan. And then you got emotional :< naalala ko yung sinabi mo sakin and pinanghahawakan ko yung sinabi ko na kahit dito hindi ko babanggitin yun. Naramdaman ko yung takot mo nun na baka magbago yung tingin ko sayo once sinabi mo yun. Pero never mangyayari yun, cause your past can never define who you are right now. And then you cried, that was the first time I saw you cry and my heart hurts gusto ko rin umiyak and so I hugged you nalang and gave you kisses. I wanted you to feel how much I care for you and my love for you will remain the same.

It took me a while before I realized na that was the exact same scenario na nangyari sa panaginip ko. It's really amazing noh. Noong kinuwento ko pa lang sayo yon, I already knew na ikaw yung nasa panaginip ko. Na ikaw yung hiniling ko kay Lord noon na taong mamahalin ko ng sobra. It was a sign, to let me know na I'll find my significant other soon. He's really amazing 'cause I didn't know he will let me catch a glimpse of the future. It's like he's telling me na I will be happy, soon. Trust in God's timing lang talaga. God led me to you. Ikaw yung binigay niyang sagot saakin noong mga panahong tinatanong ko siya kung kailan ako magiging masaya. I thank God I found you.

Remember the playlist that we created for each other. Both of us contributed on creating that playlist. I still remember the day you made me listen to the songs that you dedicated for me. Correct me if I'm wrong those songs were

Always- Marco Sison

I Swear - All4one

Now and Forever- Richard Marx

I'd Rather - Luther Vandross

God gave me you - Bryan White

Swear it again - Westlife

Your Love - Richard Marx

Ikaw at ako - (saxophone cover)

I think I missed a few but those were the first set of songs you sent. I still remember how I felt at that time. It was meaningful for me. Para bang lahat ng love songs ay tungkol sayo or tungkol saatin.

And then it became our thing hahaha its like we were collecting songs that reminds us of each other and then idadagdag natin sa playlist natin. I lost count kung ilan yung mga kanta doon. I already deleted the playlist I made sa spotify :< I regret doing that :< now I'm sad. Alam kong nasayo pa rin yung playlist natin. I appreciate na you still have it with kahit wala na tayo.

Theres a lot of things that reminds me of you tbh. Remember how we use to call/video call like,, everyday and then we'll play Mario Kart. No matter how busy we were, we always try to find a way to bond or play. Kasi we'll be incall during the game. Sobrang saya nun kahit lagi akong talo hahaha. Umay ka na siguro sakin nun kasi walang thrill yung laro lagi akong talo hahaha. Tapos I tried to play ML with you. I never learned how to play that game even though I tried, sayang :< It would be much better kung kaya kitang sabayan sa ML, pero wala eh siguro kasi I'm not really into that kind of game hehe. Kaya naglalaro lang ako pag kasama kita. 1v1 or Brawl hehe. Masaya na ako doon. Kahit frustrated ako sa sarili ko minsan kasi ang shunga ko hahaha. But you were really patient with me, you tried to cheer me up and then tinuturo mo saakin yung mga dapat kong gawin. Sobrang naappreciate ko yun. Those were the things I always look forward to everyday aside from chatting/talking to you.

Everything that you do for me means a lot. What I meant by everything is literally E V E R Y T H I N G.

Like, you would know what to do or what to say whenever inaatake ako ng anxiety or nag ooverthink ako. You know how to make me calm. You know how to make me smile. All your corny jokes and your cheesy pick up lines. Your sweet messages reminding me of how much you love me. You would always say na hindi mo ako iiwan :> You always say na I am your blessing and I'll say the same. Yung pag alaga mo saakin. Yung mga paalala mo sakin araw araw na alagaan ko sarili ko lalo na pag may sakit ako.

All your efforts to make a video message for me tuwing may pasok ako para I cheer up ako. I really love them, sobrang naappreaciate ko yun. It helped me a lot sa work. I did great right, All of my achievements sa work are also because of your efforts to cheer me up. You were my inspiration.

I love all those little things you do, even the bare minimum hahaha. Like updating me sa mga nangyayari kahit tulog ako or nasa work. Ang saya kaya sa feeling na gigising ako na may message ka saakin tapos ikaw yung bungad sa notif ko. And then I will do the same with you. Iuupdate kita kahit tulog ka kasi tulog ka na pag shift ko hahaha. And you'll wake up with so many notifs from me hehe. Yun yung bagay na nakasanayan ko, kaya yun yung naging struggle ko everyday tuwing may pasok. I would be sad every break ko sa work :< But thats all in the past now, I can handle myself now.

Remember the first time na nag date tayo sa labas? Sa KFC SM Sucat. Wala lang, kasi that was our first date sa labas and my first real date everr. And nilibre mo ako nun, knowing na ginastos mo yung ipon mo para sakin, sobrang naappreciate ko yun. Alam kong minsan kuripot ka hahaha at mas gugustuhin mong itabi yung pera mo. Pero pinaggastusan mo pa rin ako sa pagkain natin. At naulit pa yun ha hahahaha. I really don't mind kahit saan tayo mag date tbh. Kahit diyan lang tayo kumain sa kanto tapos bili tayo kwek kwek masaya na ako. O kaya bili tayo tinapay sa bakery tapos softdrinks. Never kong pinangarap yung mga date sa fancy restaurant eeh gastos lang yon. Kahit nga wala tayong gastusin eh. Kahit mag window shopping lang tayo sa mall hahhaha masaya na ako doon, importante nakasama kita. Priceless yun, yung time and effort mo na makipagkita saakin.

Kaya minsan di ko makita yung sinasabi mong wala kang ka effort effort saakin. Kasi I never asked you for anything. You were enough for me. Maybe because I'm not vocal enough kaya hindi mo naramdaman yun. Simple lang naman yung gusto ko sa buhay, gusto ko maging masaya and I am happy whenever I'm with you.

Our first few months were wonderful. Wala nga tayo halos pag aaway kasi kung meron man tayong di pagkakaintindihan, naayos natin agad yon. We were so happy pero hanggang ngayon tinatanong ko pa rin si Lord kung anong nangyari. I thought everything are on its right places. I thought everything is perfect. Ako lang pala yun nag iisip ng ganun. We came to the point na ako nalang pala, it felt like flying and then iniwan mong akong nakalutang doon sa ere, hindi ko na alam kung saan ako lulugar. Lahat ng kinatakutan ko noong umpisa nangyari na.

Everything is falling apart but I'm trying to fix it sa lahat ng paraang alam ko. I stayed with you, kahit alam kong hindi na dapat. Hindi ko na kasi inisip yung sarili ko eh, all I want is for you to be okay. I want to fix you, I tried to help you. Like what you did to me before. Ikaw yung naging lakas ko kaya gusto ko ganun ka rin saakin. I know you did your best to hold on. I know na hindi ka na sigurado at that time, kahit sobrang sakit saakin nun pinilit kong harapin yun kasi may tiwala akong ako parin naman pipiliin mo hanggang sa huli. Kasi ako yung nandito para sa'yo, why would you choose the other.

We even celebrated Christmas and New Year together with both of our families. Sobrang naappreciate ko yun, kasi pinagbigyan mo yung gusto ni mama at that time. Seriously, even though di masyado naging maganda yung New year ko, I had fun being with you and your family. I really felt like I was part of your family too. I'm forever grateful sa kabutihan nila. I didn't know na yun na pala yung huling araw na tayo pa. I shouldve stayed longer. Sana inenjoy ko yung moment at hindi ako nagpaapekto sa emosyon ko that day. I should've hugged you tight or kissed you for the last time. I didnt know yun na pala yung huli.

I managed to be strong for you. Kasi alam kong maayos pa natin kung ano man yung naging gusot. I fought my own battles while I try to fight with you. Napaka martir ko sa part na hinayaan ko sarili kong mahalin ka kahit sobrang sakit na. Sobrang tanga na nun pero yung dahilan ko lagi? Mahal na mahal kita at ayos lang na masaktan ako kaysa mawala ka saakin. Di ko kakayanin yun kaya kumapit ako ng maghigpit sayo. Kahit nararamdaman ko na ako nalang yung nakakapit, sinubukan ko pa rin. Sinubukan natin, pero dumating parin tayo doon na sa punto na kailangan nating bumitaw.

January 3, sinabi mo saakin na mas okay na maghiwalay na tayo and I agreed. Naaalala ko yung time na yun, nagrant ako sayo and I was expecting na you'll comfort me. Na you'll come up to something para mag ayos tayo pero hindi eh :< you decided to end our relationship. At nagkaroon ako ng realization nung araw na yun. Siguro napagod ka na rin. Ako kasi kahit pagod na I would still fight for us. Ganun kita kamahal. Narealize ko rin how shallow your love is, kasi wala ka nang ibang dahilan para mag stay. Kasi if you really want me, if you really do. You'll do everything para magstay. Hinayaan mo akong bumitaw.

At that time I knew na game over na talaga. Kaya di na ako kumontra at hinayaan na kita. Siguro kasi hindi naman talaga ako yung kailangan mo nung time na yun. I was never enough. I felt sorry na I had to let you go. Pero nakita ko rin naman kasi na masaya ka nung wala nq ako eh and then I thought na maybe we made the right decision. Medyo gumaan yung pakiramdam ko doon, and you made it easier for me to move on. Masakit pa rin tbh. Ramdam ko pa rin lahat. Ang pinagkaiba lang kasi, I already learned my lesson and I learned how to handle the pain.

Di ko rin makakalimutan yung time na nagkita ulit tayo nung January. Kasi I have a lot of things to say lol. You don't know how much I want to comeback. Pumunta ako sainyo na may dalang pag asa, baka sakali lang naman. But I was so so wrong. It felt like a slap. Literal na nasampal ako ng realidad na hindi na ako yung pipiliin mo. Fckkkjgs I can still feel the pain ugh damn u.

Naalala mo ba yung araw na yun, halos ipamukha mo saakin kung gaano mo kamahal si Nyka at kinuwento mo pa yung kagustuhan mong makasama siya sa future mo. Gustong gusto kitang murahin at sampalin nung araw na yun. Wala akong ibang nagawa kundi makinig, matulala at umiyak sa harap mo. Nagalit ako sayo nun. Umiiyak ako sa lungkot, sa sakit at galit. And you had the nerve to keep a straight face ughb kainis. And then sinabi ko sayo na "Mahal mo talaga siya noh?" it sound so bitter. At that time, i wish I was her. Mas masakit pala pag harap harapan na. Gusto ko mag walk out nun, gusto ko na umuwi kasi sobrang sakit. Tangina kasi talaga Sean Gabriel, yun na ata yung pinaka masakit na nagawa mo. The whole time that you were with me, may kahati pala ako sa puso mo? Sa mga kwento mo para bang hindi ako dumating sa buhay mo. Parang wala lang ako. Binalewala. Yun yung naramdaman ko noon.

Ewan ko kung anong nangyari, pero sa sobra sobrang emosyon na naramdaman ko, umabot na ako sa sukdulan. I gave up. Para bang namatay yung kung ano man yung nasa puso ko. Nawala na yung 'hope' na baon ko. At that moment, unti unti ko nang naabsorb lahat. Natanggap ko na. You helped me do that at yun na yung naging closure ko. I remember laughing after nagsink in lahat ng nangyari. I forgave you. Inalis ko agad lahat ng galit ko and then I felt numb. I even helped you with your problem kay Nyka. At that time I really want to help you kasi napaka shunga mo na. Without any hidden agenda of getting back with you kasi at that moment I am done. Pero kaibigan parin kita kaya lets keep it that way.

Siguro yung nangyari after that, that was my lingering feelings for you na hindi mawala wala. It was 'love' without 'hope'. Kuntento na ako kung ano man meron saatin ngayon. Atleast I still have you pero hindi na kagaya ng dati.

I just want you to know that despite everything that happened between us. I'm still thankful for everything. I thank God kasi hinayaan niya akong maging masaya with you kahit saglit lang. You are my greatest everything. Greatest love, greatest heartbreak. Greatest lesson I needed to learn. I still hope for the best, for you and me. I don't mind if we go separate ways sa future. You know you have me as your number one supporter and rant person right??

It would be better kung ikaw pa rin hanggang sa huli. In another lifetime maybe? Sa perfect universe baka pwede pa.

Sa ngayon, I don't want to promise anything yet. But I'm not going anywhere. Ayoko na rin mag expect ng kahit ano. Go with the flow muna. I love you, always.

• I love you to the moon and never back. I'll love you always and my love will stay

I know our story doesnt end here.

Maniniwala pa rin ako na we'll have the chance we deserve sa tamang pagkakataon. Like for part 2 charouut hHAHa

yours for eternity,

Laila

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