#idk but i really need to start looking for a job or phd

[msmargarita]

✨🤓Johnathon/🕳️ Spot Headcanons✨

These are some headcanons I wrote for my two fics:

i'm not going to turn into a cosmic anomaly and leave you forever

and

i'm really serious this time, baby

It has !!spoilers!! for both of those fics!

It's basically an AU unless I somehow foresaw the future and guessed what happens in BTSV!

Beware the keep reading button. This is HUGE.

🤓 Johnathon HCs!

HE IS A GEMINI. Like come on. Talks a lot, nerdy, silly guy. He is a canonically silly guy! In his first fight with Miles he pretends to have hurt his nose (he doesn’t have one) to trick him. So silly! I would bet there's Capricorn somewhere in there too. And Pisces. I’ll make this man’s whole birth chart if you dare me. Just dare me. I’m insane.

Jason Schwartzman used to be in a band in the 00s. I think it would be cool if Johnathon also had some sort of interest in music. I think he would have tried to learn guitar in college but only got a few chords in before life got too chaotic and every now and then he thinks of picking it back up. 

He is also one of those guys who fanboys over old ass music, especially from the 60s and 70s. Loves Jazz, Funk and Prog Rock. Look at this man and tell me he is not a prog rock guy. He is a nerd, he might even be *shudders* a math rock guy. I also think he would have one completely random favorite artist that has nothing to do with the things listed above, like, idk Lizzo. Or Princess Nokia. He just looks like the type.

I think everyone agrees Johnathon is at least in his thirties, but I put him down as thirty-three in the end. I did that because Olivia is thirty-five tops in ITSV (according to Peter) and since he was her subordinate it makes sense that he would be just a little bit younger than her. 

“But hey! That's too young to get a PhD!” you might say, but I think Johnny is an overachiever. I think he was one of those super genius kids that got in early in college and lived for academia. A teacher's pet even.

He is a workaholic, so when he quits his job he gets really lost and doesn't know what to do with himself. He might have a new job soon doing what he loves, so you’re going to need to be on his ass so he doesn’t fall back into his old habit of overworking. 

I like to think that Miles would get an internship under Johnathon a few years in the future and they would learn a lot together. Jonathan would probably take a week to figure out he is Spider-Man and would cover for him when the boy needs to disappear. This actually sounds like a fun drabble to write about.

Johnathon may be a genius, but like he said, he is not too familiar with relationships. I think he might've had one or two in the past, but everything slowed down when he started working at Alchemax. “I’ve been told” is referring to those past relationships, in which he was probably told that he works too much and never has time to spend with his partners. He’s not been with anyone for a long time and his game consists of buying the first comic book he saw on a shelf in order to ask you out.

But that doesn't mean he is cold. Quite the opposite really, Johnathon is very touchy-feely. He hasn't been with anyone for a while and misses touching and being touched. He is most comfortable when being at least 70% curled around you. 

He smokes Dunhill Carltons (he likes to feel fancy), but less now that he isn't as stressed from work. Like he said, he used to go on walks to smoke and pass by the comic book store you work at before you guys had even met. I like to think he developed a little crush back then.

Had his tattoos done in college, so they are very faded now. He doesn’t think of redoing them because the mere thought of having to stay seated for hours in the same place feeling pain stresses him out. He was a lot more easygoing when he had them done.

He did have a superhero phase when he was a kid. He would fantasize a lot about having superpowers and flying away when the bullies showed up. Never thought about fighting back. Before becoming the Spot, he wasn't the confrontational type. The hero thing fizzled out as he grew older, but he would always dream about being stronger. Being a better version of himself in a kinda superficial, but understandable way.

He still has a bunch of action figures, he thinks they look cool. If you give him one, he won't even care if he knows the character or not, he just likes them.

Even though Johanthon says he is “good-looking”, he does add “for a scientist” in the end. I think he tries to mask his insecurities with humor, always putting himself down with a joke, always saying he’s too old, too corny, too nerdy. In the back of his head he knows the hair and the glasses are kind of a look, but he doesn’t feel handsome. You help as much as you can, but that’s an obstacle for him to overcome by himself. I think after i’m really serious this time, baby he gets better at this.

🕳️ The Spot HCs!

For clarification: the story of i’m not gonna turn into a cosmic anomaly and leave you forever stretches the plot of ATSV to a few weeks instead of a day. Just think of it like Spot taking a little longer to power up instead of a few hours.

Since he was forced to do crime to survive, I think he would've thought to himself: "Well, since I have to go rob a store anyway, might as well be that one where that cute cashier works at." 

Yes, Spot starts tracking and following you after you two meet. He uses his computer nerd powers for evil. A very unhealthy way of dealing with a crush, I think.

Spot can eat but he doesn't get any nutritional value from food. When you drink wine together or when he burns his tongue (?) from tea it's just a placebo effect. I like to think that Johnathon's mind is still inside The Spot's body, so he eats just for habit. He says he gets hungry all the time, but it's actually a deep need to consume everything around him. The little rascal.

As he powers up, Spot gets more confident in himself. He thinks the stronger he gets the further away he gets from Johnathon, his old self. Which, in the end, turns out to be true.

I think at first you don't really believe Spot is an actual supervillain which is why when you see him after the fight in Mumbattan it's such a shock. In a way, you did the same thing Miles did when he underestimated him, even if for whole different reasons. I think even though he knows you care about him, Spot knows you don't see him as a threat and that makes him want to impress you more. 

Spot knows that the reason you keep getting new jobs is because his own crazy supervillain life keeps interfering with yours, so he tries to keep it as much hidden from you as possible. He thinks what you don’t know can’t hurt you! As Johnathon, he feels guilty at first that you’re changing your whole life to go with him to New Jersey, BUT this time it was your choice! Not because of supervillain shenanigans!

He does love you (even if it was too early to know) and wants to be with you, but his head is so lost in the supervillain game, he thinks he can’t stop now. You never really realized how serious he was about “being stronger”. Which is why you never tried to stop him.

I chose I’d Rather Be With You as a theme song because I think it’s a song Johnathon/Spot would enjoy. But I also like how the lyrics match both their feelings towards you, in both fics. He wants to fly away with you once he gets all powered up, he loves your smile, etc. He does want to be your friend until the end as the Spot, but as Johanthon he is really committed to work on his bad habits in order to be with you. We gon' make it this time, baby! I cry, damnit. 

It’s also a surprisingly gender-neutral song, with no physical descriptions in it! Anyone can put themselves in the lover's place. Bootsy Collins is cool like that.

I like to think that, in the end, Spot didn't erase himself from the timeline. He just reloaded an old save. Does that make sense? Like you said, your relationship will always have happened, just in an old, non existent dimension. And since Johnathon and you still get dreams and deja vu about the whole thing (think of it as dimensional residue or whatever), you do have all the EXP of the old save. Johnathon, after going through the literal end of all existence and then forgetting about it, feels something compelling him to finally take a chance and enter the comic book store. It’s like when your body goes through something and it remembers later, even if your mind doesn't. Here's a (hopefully) comprehensive timeline:

the end.

Thank you for taking an interest in my weird AU! I would kill for you 💖

#can someone please make a ready to hole shirt and mail it to me #spot #spot x reader #johnathon ohnn x reader #bagel guy x reader #reader fic #the bagel effect #spider man: across the spider verse #reader insert #headcanon #AU

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

hi, im a trans teen

i really like mechanical engineering but is willing to give it up if it means i can transition and live as a guy so i wanted to ask could you like explain what is the best trans friendly place to live which is affordable which also has trans friendly jobs with good pay. i want to start planning ahead that's why and im aware of how being queer in the stem field has its disadvantage but i wanted to ask if theres a way where i can transition and hide it while working in stem, i don't mind hiding im transgender, i just wanna live happy since i wasted my childhood and teenage years away by being emo lol.

autumn says:

idk if you will see this anon because this is a post from awhile ago but you can absolutely be trans in stem. You absolutely do not need to give up your passion for mechanical engineering to exist, thrive and live as a guy.

I'm a chemist currently in a PhD program and I'm extremely out, extremely proud and loving every second of being trans, even in stem. I'm not going to lie to you and say that its always been easy because there are some assholes, but there are more good people than bad people where I'm at.

The biggest thing about finding a place that is accepting (and I'm thinking you're probably fixing to go to college), is to go to places that have track records being good with queer shit. I went to an undergraduate school that had a very active queer community and a large stem presence. While there weren't a lot of queers in my stem classes (there were some and we definitely found each other), I was able to supplement my stem classes with queer classes and queer people. Look for schools/workplaces that have a community in place, and/or (if you are in the US) find a chapter of NOGLSTP or Out in Stem or any other queer stem societies. With a meche degree you can get a good paying job pretty much anywhere, or go to graduate school to get a masters/phd and get a job from there.

You got this anon. There needs to be more queers in meche!!!

#stem #trans #transgender #coming out #college #autumn says #queer in stem #trans in stem

[sourseat]

we're 1/4 through the year its time to check in with the goals and vibes

this post is so long

so tbh i haven't been thinking much about the goals and vibes i set at the start of the year. in fact rereading them there are many i had forgotten about lol. so let's revisit

theme no. 1 was self-assurance. i was feeling insecure last year apparently (how quickly i forget...) and wanted to feel solid in myself. i think this is feeling good! i'm not sure it needs to be theme no. 1 anymore! but i'll keep it because it is nice to feel self-assured. feeling insecure is not pleasant.

theme 2 was consume less. this is pretty good and remains a theme i am vibing with

third theme is let go of clinging to / craving stability and certainty. yeah i think i have integrated this. stability is something i might pursue but not something i will expect.

and the goals

join a choir / sing regularly in some form - nixed for now. not vibing.

do at least one overnight camping hike (hopefully more) - okay its so windy here maybe i'll hike and stay in huts or something idk about camping. we'll see!!

go to the pole studio in the town i'll be living in and suss the vibe. if the vibe is good enroll in classes! - i haven't been to the one closest to me yet!! but i will soon and have been to another studio so :)

keep journaling (i've journaled each day this year!) or at least remember journaling is there, and is helpful (i've noticed i tend to journal a lot in Jan and then stop) - i have kept up the journaling! not every day but at least a few times a week.

figure out how i want to have meditation in my life - a work in progress but this is moving up the priority list rn. i have been anxious. meditation helps w that for me.

sort out my digital archives - i haven't started this and the thought of doing so is deeply overwhelming in the terrible way where it gets more overwhelming the longer i wait

finish editing all my half edited videos - : / nope and i'm about to lose access to premiere pro so !! ???

read more poetry, memorise 3 poems (i'm memorising the raven at the moment, it is so long that it might take me all year) - i forgot about this lol, i'm kinda still into it but its low on the list

do PhD revisions and be finished with the phd for REAL - i submitted a draft to my supervisor! nearly done :)

write (at least) one article based on the phd (a reluctant goal. i must.) - feeling confident i will do this due to the environment i am in!

okay some good goals in here. i have been thinking i wanna do some prioritisaiton. that is a long list of goals up there. too many. so here are the ones i am gonna keep in mind for now

Work + career development - stay on top of my job, submit articles, apply for conferences. i am gonna have to keep living for my whole life somehow so i'd best use this time to set myself up to be able to get a job in this field i have spent a bunch of time in.

Meditation + journaling - really wanna get a good vibe with meditation again. Still unsure what this will look like but will prioritise figuring it out.

Organising - there's a genocide happening and I'm not doing shit. wanna get connected with organising communities here. weird being in a new place and not knowing anyone.

Pole + stretching - feeling strong in pole classes recently has felt sooooo good! And dancing... I love it. I think there's not much else in my life here yet that brings that level of joy.

Maintain relationships w people in Aus - this is like a time consuming thing that requires thought! I somehow did not foresee this! And I do want to prioritise it. Messaging people, scheduling calls, this kinda thing. I don't really like messaging generally lol so, it is on the list!!

Travel - I want to see Ireland and Europe while I'm here! And can already sense how easy it will be for two years to pass without me going anywhere.

And backburner goals

Do an overnight hike

Sort out my digital archives

Read + memorise more poetry.

#resolutions

[parvuls]

okay but hear me out. bones/omgcp au. and yes this is a result of late-night binging of bones' first seasons BUT:

bones!jack and booth!bitty, come ON.

if jack's passion was science and not hockey he would still be the same driven, single-minded person he is, except all his focus would be on this job. he'd be kickass at being a forensic anthropologist because he'd find the whole historical cultures aspect fascinating and be really good at noticing small details and hyperfocusing on a skeleton. jack's social skills are a little rusty, though, and his main way of communicating with other people is through the language he knows: his passion. it makes other people feel like he thinks he's smarter than them.

bitty is a people person. that's like, a major part of his personality. he understands people and how they think and he connects to them easily and he's not like, religious per say, but he's definitely a lot more spiritual than jack and more open to seeing the world through less scientific eyes. he's a little all over the place, but he'd make a really good detective because he can read people really well, and because he looks nonthreatening so suspects trust him off the bat.

(he'd be terrible at getting his paperwork done on time and his desk, filled with case-related evidence, would always be a mess. it will drive jack mad.)

their work relationship would be, as in the comic and in the show, a little rocky to start with. jack gives bitty the impression that he finds him silly and somewhat dumb, and bitty gives jack the impression that he sees him more as a bones-robot than another person. but jack is the best there is, and bitty has the same determination as his canonical self to prove he deserves his position, so they stick it out. for justice. as they get to know each other they realize their first impressions were wrong - both their assessment of their partner and their assumptions of what their partner thinks of them.

there's a lot of unspoken ust there. like. a lot.

if you don't see hodgins!shitty and angela!lardo... idk what to tell you.

mad scientist shitty??? who comes from a rich, pretentious family and hates them all and doesn't want the team to know his family funds the institution they work for because he just wants to be shitty. he probably got a degree in something his parents approved of, like biochemistry or physics or something like that, and then snapped and decided to get a phd in something they definitely won't approve of, like entomology and botany. shitty loves being the slime and bugs guy, and he loves helping to find evil motherfuckers and bring them down even more.

lardo was getting her art degree when jack met her while giving a gust lecture. he watched her work on a life sized painting of a hyperrealist adult male and was so impressed with her anatomical accuracy that he struck up a conversation (this doesn't happen very often). lardo wasn't exactly getting an art degree to work on three-dimensional skeletal reconstructions but, you know, a) it's a paying job, b) she kinda finds the whole murder-solving thing morbidly cool, c) she likes jack. she thinks jack is a good dude who is going to need good bros around him. and getting to work with state of the art equipment is definitely a bonus.

ransom, holster and the frogs are still up for debate. but I kind of see ransom in cam's position, maybe - having went to medical school, ended up as a medical examiner, and now running the lab. holster has that manic fbi agent vibes on him. dex is a scientist if I ever saw one - maybe one of the squints?

#omgcp #omgcheckplease #zimbits #listen if you never watched bones all you need to know is: logical scientist jack and intuitive and caring fbi agent bitty partner up #they solve crime with their ragtag team of scientists #and they wanna bone but don't for Reasons #do not @ me bro I KNOW I'm right on this one okay #prompts #bones au

[inkofamethyst]

February 9, 2024

Quick rant: I think stores should put the major flat-laid measurements (waist, bust, hip, inseam, length) of their clothes on their websites. I hate hate hate the guessing game I have to play with fit because they'll give some vague indication of the model's size or maybe their measurements but I have no idea how that's meant to scale up. And I know that it would be a lot of extra work for fast fashion retailers, so I'm not really talking about them. I'm talking about stores where a piece can cost upwards of a hundred bucks, I don't want and shouldn't have to order multiple options just to check fit, especially since size charts seem a little nebulous useless nowadays.

As a PhD student I'm expected to attend job talks for potential hires and give my opinion on them but like, I don't really know what I'm looking for? I don't know how to grade these people? It makes me wonder whether I'm being too harsh on the candidates who are probably very nervous, but to me just haven't made me excited about the work that they do or plan to do. I've seen talks from outside guests that have made me feel excited and interested even if the content was outside my area, so idk. Maybe I'm grading on performance quality and not on science which is probably not ideal. [edit, the following week: NOPE. I WAS RIGHT. A candidate came in today and I adored them omg. Ambitious, down to earth, curious, personable, excellent communicator.. the whole package. I suppose there are some things left to be desired around mentorship experience, but I hope they know they did a great job.]

I've been able to really up my noodle game since I started living here. I'm getting more creative with fixin's and the bowls are lowkey actually starting to look a bit like art. Might need to get myself a good pair of chopsticks. Bit of an upgrade to just plain ramen. I think the next level would be to start adding minced garlic and ginger instead of using powders, but that may not be worth it from a time perspective on busier nights.

Speaking of cooking, I broke down and baked some cookies using sweetened condensed milk and they were divine. Soft, lightly sweet, generally simple to make. I had to restrain myself from eating too many at once.

Today I'm thankful for eggs scrambled in bacon grease!!! My maternal grandmother used to fix scrambled eggs in this old old old cast iron pan, and they were the tastiest eggs I'd ever eaten, nothing has come close. This morning I fixed bacon for breakfast and scrambled an egg in the leftover grease, and the taste reminded me of her. One of these days I've got to get me a cast iron skillet, nonstick just isn't the same.

[subtract-me-from-your-heart]

So many things I'm trying to figure out about the next like. 8 to 10 years.

At this point I'm just trying to focus on applying to grad school and saving up money/paying off debt. I think reducing monthly expenses will help.

Idk. It's starting to feel really impossible. I can't quit my job but I really don't think I can work this job and also do all the things I need to do. I don't know how realistic it is to do 12 hours while also working full time but I don't want to take 4-5 years just to get my MS.

I'll probably start looking around for jobs I can do from home that have a more flexible work schedule. We just can't afford for me to take a big pay cut at the moment, so that makes it harder.

In a lot of the states I want to live in, I need a phD to obtain a license, so that's still on the table. Cause fuck Texas honestly.

Like maybe this whole thing was a stupid idea to begin with and I should just... stop.

#sky rambles #dont mind me #im just dumb #autism is like WE NEED A PLAN #but theres too many variables #cannot plan this all out

[geminusrufus]

A Better Way to Get Data

0: Been a Minute

I came out the gate real strong on these dev blogs then completely dropped off. Oops.

In my defense, I got an actual salaried job, and it has been pretty hectic. Like, miss-application-deadlines-for-PhD-programs hectic. It's not all bad though! For starters, I honestly need the break from being a student. Also, it's a ~tech job~ and I'm taking the opportunity to learn more about programming, tool development, and project management.

"Why does any of this matter?"

Because a current work project clued me into a better way to collect inscriptional data!

1: A Better Way

In previous posts, I explained how to scrape Greek inscriptions from the Packard Humanities Institute website. Here's that post (link), if you want some context.

This is the method I used for my thesis, but it has some problems. It's pretty slow (I had to leave the full scraper + cleaner to run overnight), and it wasn't the most accurate. Since the data was just sitting untagged in pretty minimal HTML format, nothing was really tagged. I worked around this by giving the scraper search parameters with some... functional Regular Expression (I'll cover that in head crushing detail later). Unfortunately, Regular Expression is an avatar of the devil and my sloppy search parameters introduced numerous errors, especially when it came to inscription dates.

However, we can do away with scraping entirely and retrieve the data in XML format, along with more details about the book and chapter of the Inscriptiones Graecae they're found in, using API calls!

2: What's an API?

idk. someone elses code for you to vandalize.

ok, API stands for application programming interface. An application is just a piece of software that fulfills a function, and an API communicates between applications.

So say you have a website that shows you some data. In this example by John Watson Rooney, it's listings of sunglasses from the Sunglass Hut website. Rather than hard-code a page with every pair of sunglesses and the corresponding prices, the website has a field for the different offerings that's filled in by an API. When you open a list of sunglasses, an API grabs the relevant data and presents it to the website for formatting. In this example, the website is one application, the data server (or partition, etc.) is another application, and the API is responsible for carrying information about sunglasses in between the two.

That means the data is actually stored separately from the website. If you wanted to, you could just call that API yourself and retrieve the raw data!

3: Applying This

Now here's where we can start to apply things. Multiple volumes of the Inscriptiones Graecae are available online, free of charge, through the Berlin-Brandenburgische Akademie der Wissenschaften (the current publishers). Here's a link, but note that it's not a secure page.

I originally bounced off this site and landed on the Packard Humanities institute because I only knew how to scrape, and the Akademie's APIs had me totally confounded. But I've leveled up, and I think it's time to use the resource to its fullest.

There are a few APIs at work here. One just gets a list of all the inscriptions, organized by book, in JSON format (don't...worry abt it just yet). Just slap this into your browser and take a look:

http://telota.bbaw.de/ig/api/inscriptions

Another

Another gets information about each volume, including the subject region, volume name, and (very crucially!) the volume identifier used by the APIs to select a specific book. Check this one out too:

http://telota.bbaw.de/ig/api/getVolumes

The site has plenty more: some for grabbing chapters, some for sections organized by chapter, some for an ordered list of sections without chapters, etc. Every which way you could want to get information about a book, you have it.

Then, at the very end of it all, you can grab an actual inscription, this time in XML format. Give this last one a try:

http://telota.bbaw.de/ig/api/xml/IG%20I%C2%B3%201

Let's take a second to parse that. It starts with "telota.bbaw.de": TELOTA stands for The Electronic Life Of The Academy, and BBAW stands for Berlin-Brandenburgische Akademie der Wissenschaften (Berlin-Brandenburg Academy of Sciences). TELOTA is the digital humanities wing of the BBAW!

Moving on, "ig" stands for Inscriptiones Graecae, and "api" denotes that we're making an API call, rather than viewing the site normally. Then, "xml" indicates the viewing format.

Now the good part! We have this arcane looking string "IG%20I%C2%B3%201". It's not actually all that bad — those %20s are just escape codes (remember we dealt with those before!) indicating spaces. Unescape them out and we get this

http://telota.bbaw.de/ig/api/xml/IG I%C2%B3 1

Well, doesn't that "IG I" look familiar!

That "%C2%B3" looks a little more complicated, but if we check this list of escape codes, we find that it's equivalent to ³ (superscript 3). Knowing that, we can unravel the rest of the link:

http://telota.bbaw.de/ig/api/xml/IG I³ 1

And there it is! The last portion is just the book series (IG), the volume (I³), and the inscription!

4: Putting It Together

So here's the plan. I need to write a script that uses the known APIs to call a list of each volume, its chapters, sections, etc. Using the data from the responses, it will gather a list of inscriptions by section into a table, where each row has the volume, chapter, section (etc), and inscription number. This will involve converting JSON to R tibbles, but I've experimented with the Jsonlite package which does just that. It's nothing too complicated!

Next, I need a script that will build API calls out of these inscription numbers, then use the responses to fill more data into the table. This will involve converting XML to R tibbles, which I don't have any experience with, but the data format is widely used so I expect tools have been developed.

Once that is done, I should have a table of inscriptions in (hopefully) much less time and with minimal errors in time or location data!

#quantitative linguistics #ancient greek #classics #classical greek #programming #API #historical linguistics #R #dialectology

[deep-peach]

augh i don’t even know who to talk to about any of this, i’m exploding

i was really anticipating just taking a few classes and doing tea club and maaaybe having a distance job w flexible hours for extra money

and in this this one meeting my advisor was like oh ok so you should actually teach a 101 language class this fall and also translate some of that book u talked about last spring and then we’ll use the book and ur translations in the class i’m teaching

also shadow another teacher to start teaching literature classes

like ok sure i’ll get tuition covered which was a big worry but uh

uh

i have The Autism and Social Anxiety and Unmedicated, Wild, Out of Control ADHD

y’all rly trust me to teach!!????? an entire class????????

lord i can barely keep my basic particles straight when i talk how could i possible grade students on their mistakes 😞😞😞 i’d be a hypocrite!!! i need help myself!!!!!!!! but he was p insistent that the work that goes into the modern lit class would be a much bigger demand of my time energy and focus and i do trust him and don’t want to wade into dark territory at the start.

but i did miss all my scholarship deadlines so idk what choice i have…. so i started reviewing my basic grammar again (rip that i threw out my 101 and 102 books since i figured i wouldn’t need to reference them……. it’s always the ONE thing i let go of that i realize i need ffs) and i’ve been studying my kanji again the past month or so already so that’s good. i’ve gotten half this first chapter typed up and 1.5 pages of rough translation. i hope he doesn’t want this whole book for fall 🌚 but i could probably get a chapter or two ready by august at least.

woof. i know being in academia means teaching but like this is so much right from the start that i was desperately hoping to avoid. but i know i need to get stronger at public speaking & being more of a leader or mentor etc, and it’s something i’ve really wanted the opportunity to try to grow into but i haven’t been in that position before. i’ve never even been like, a key supervisor or whatever in retail you know? and now i’m a teacher???? at least i’m Old compared to other fresh grad students straight from undergrad but like idk if my life experience measures up to someone else my age. and, this is a good chance to feel out if i should pursue a phd and/or another masters, and if academia is a good career path for me; or if i should just look at making some okay money in a boring office job and translate things on the side as a passion. idk man. my anxiety is really rough and so is my physical health. it’s a lot of pressure 😞 but i think i should go with it and see what happens.

#peach posts

[ahmedisnotgr8]

march madness

lmao where to even begin so i guess i am suspended for a year i will appeal this though but yeah who wouldve thought my life took a sudden sharp turn i guess i gotta figure out what to do i had a feeling it wouldnt go well so i booked a high floor room at the mariott in copley and ate cheesecake and indian food and smoke in the room i was scared id get charged for it but i wasnt i called gia first instinctively uhm yeah i am in minnesota i dont really know what to tell my parents if i ever will i think ill also not get the masters anymore either. i looked at everything and i just need 3 more classes to finish in 21 summer so ill do the 3 over the summer and tell my parents that i want to graduate early instead of doing masters my gpa also took a nosedive so i have to do really really well in my last few classes so uh yeah i started looking for jobs and applying to places idk if i can even do a phd or anything anymore to be honest but i felt nothing when i got suspended i was angry at blair for a little second then at me for being stupid then it went away woohoo dysthymia regina had a field day we will see we will see problem for future me eh i am very much confusion but i will figure it out oh i also got the covid vaccine too look at me being a responsible citizen one of the first too

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sigh... its academia sad feels time #why? bc the way my brain works there are topics that im extremely interested in and i want to learn about them but #i get so caught up in learning abt them that its overwhelming and upsetting #so i feel like i dont kno enough abt the topics i really want to be researching and am intimidated to tall abt them to anyone #well versed in the topics #and it just makes me sad #but every so often i resolve to learn more and the only time i can think to do it in is when i read before bed #so i would be replacing fanfics for science and that also makes me sad bc im replacing something that is somewhat relaxing #with something that stresses me out and basically extends my work day even further #and i dont even kno if im working too much or slacking off bc theres always so much to do and i dont have a point of comparison #in terms of time to relax vs time to focus #idk but i really need to start looking for a job or phd #really i should wait on the phd bc im a bit burnt out but i kno working will be an immensely stressful transition #idk i dont really want to be an academic... i just want to do my own research and not talk to ppl #ugh i bet im so worked up abt this bc i was editing my cv and that always turns up the stress #idk im just tired #unrelated

[inkofamethyst]

January 21, 2024

I have a class this semester that's pretty far from the others, so I've researched all the plausible bus routes (4!) I could use to get there and back on a pretty tight schedule. Thankfully, I do have enough time between the classes to walk the half hour route if necessary or desired (but that certainly won't be a fun time with my big ol' laptop (that can now hold a charge overnight!!!!!)).

I don't think I ever did a true reflection on my first semester in graduate school. I had days where I dictated my thoughts, sure, but no overarching reflection. Overall? It was fine, I guess? So like, okay, I'm very aware of the possibility of burnout, especially since I "went straight through," so I'm trying to pace myself and not necessarily overwhelm myself with all of the things I could be doing. On the flip side, I often felt like I wasn't "doing enough" even though I didn't really know how to start asking for what more I could be doing? I know I've got stressful times ahead in this program for sure but idk I've just felt a little antsy. I mean I suppose I should take this time to just work on time management.

I dunno, it just doesn't feel like there's that much to reflect on?? Like it feels like I'm easing my way into the program with a relatively steady (and slow) start. I think I'll probably talk with my advisor about career development stuff this week and go to the career center sometime early this semester to get a head start on that. I know the academic job market is majorly tough, so I want to have enough options/skills in case academia isn't open to me (because I'm probably not desperate enough to go for a job in a state where my lifestyle would take a dive/the general populace doesn't want me (a woc professing human evolution among other things)).

Man, I'm still psyched about the battery replacement. I did that! Me!! And everything is fine!!! Even if I end up being able to use my tablet/keyboard duo for any in-class coding exercises, this still opens up so much flexibility. Plus, cleaning the gunk out of my fans is keeping it from overheating all the time. It's nice not hearing a rocket launch every time I open discord. Love the right to repair.

Speaking of which, I was able to complete over half of my ("on campus") winter break goals!! First time that's ever happened. The only ones I didn't do were 1. work on phd notion page; 2. lunch with potential friends; 3. decorate; and 4. dynamic photography (though I did order a bluetooth shutter controller that should be here tomorrow). I did all seven of the others (though none of the "at home" ones which I'm choosing to ignore because I really just needed the rest), plus a bonus library card.

Today I'm thankful that I was able to get so much done today. I feel ready for tomorrow and the week beyond. It looks like it'll be a long day, especially if I go to the book club.

[bellesowl]

kiss and make up

- multiple characters 

⤷ atsumu, sakusa

genre: (an attempt at) angst to fluff ; established relationship, timeskip 

synopsis: in which you have an almost relationship-ending argument

word count: 2.1k total - about 1k each

warnings: fighting (obv), being called a burden, the boys are kinda mean but they make up for it i swear

- a/n: tbh i was kinda getting sick of writing just fluff so i wanted to spice it up a lil! if this sucks i’m probably going to stick to fluff fics but i think it should be fine? this one also only has 2 characs cause idk how i would be at writing angst LMAO if this does well enough i’ll post the one i have written w kuroo and iwa <3 but i feel like this kinda sucks so oh well

- thank u @kybabi for beta-ing <3

- miya atsumu

you n atsumu have been together since high school which is why you’ve always been inseparable

you went to the same college & moved in together right after, but once he got his job with the jackals, he insisted that you didn’t work and focused on getting your master’s degree

you reluctantly agreed, if only to be able finish & earn your phd soon after

because atsumu is always busy, it’s kinda become commonplace for you to do the chores around the house- like doing the laundry or washing the dishes or cooking dinner for him

but it’s gotten to the point where he expects it

atsumu sighs, unlocking the door to your shared apartment. today’s practice was rough, it was a day of hard conditioning and bad sets and he wanted nothing more than a good meal and to cuddle. the first thing he noticed when he walked in was the mess. instant ramen bowls were scattered everywhere, empty coke cans and dirty napkins were all over the floor, and there you were, in the eye of the hurricane. the second thing he noticed was that there was no homecooked meal.

surprised, he walks into the dining room to see you, furiously typing away at your laptop with four different books surrounding you. you hear his footsteps and look up.

“hey baby! how was practice?” you ask with a smile

atsumu grunts in reply and gestures toward the kitchen, “so.. what’s for dinner babe?”

your eyes widen, “oh shoot! i’m sorry, i was so busy studying for this final that i forgot to cook. do you mind-“ you stop when you see him roll his eyes and head out.

“um, where are you going? you just got home?” you ask, following him.

“out. i have to get food somehow” he replies, “especially because my useless s/o can’t cook a goddamn meal for me” he mutters under his breath

you stop in shock because did he really just say that?

“i’m sorry, i don’t think i heard you right.” you start but he interrupts you

“i said, i have to go get food because someone is too busy to cook a goddamn meal. what do you even do anyways- well, besides spend my money? the least you can do is cook for me, god.” he finally turns to look at you but he feels his heart stop at the look on your face.

not wanting to escalate the situation any further, you try to calm him down, “tsum, hey, i’m sorry i forgot to cook okay? this is my last final before the year ends and i just can’t afford to fail it, so i’ve been studying all day. if you come back to the kitchen, i’ll make you something, okay?”

“i don’t want to eat your half assed attempt at a meal, y/n. the whole point is that you couldn’t get off your ass for an hour to cook when i make the money, i paid for the apartment, hell, i’m even paying for your school! is it really too much to ask for you to stop being such a burden and cook and clean everyday?” he fumed.

you gape at him, shocked that he would even say that. to hell with not escalating things

“at least i want to do something more with my life than hit balls around and retire at 35” you hiss, “and i do everything in this house! i do the laundry, i clean the bathroom, i cook - i do all the things you refuse to. and do i complain? no. i offered to get a job but you refused.”

you turn around to grab your laptop and your textbooks, “just- just do whatever the hell you want to, atsumu.” and with that you walk out the door.

atsumu’s heart drops when he realizes that you actually left. sure, you’ve had arguments here and there, but you’ve never left. he pulls out his phone to call you when he sees you’ve left yours on the counter. knowing there’s nothing to do but wait at this point, he begins to clean up and calls osamu over.

-

it’s already 3 am when you walk back into your apartment, and you blink multiple times when you open the door. it’s ... clean? you’re sure it was a mess when you left, so how would it be clean? you sigh, too tired to think about it more and walk into the kitchen. your eyes widen at the sight. not only is your favorite food on the stove, but there your boyfriend is, asleep on the dining table. you smile slightly, well that explains things.

“ ‘’mu, hey, wake up babe.” you kiss him lightly and shake him.

he grunts and sits up, “baby! i’m so so sorry for what i said. you are in no way, shape, or form a burden, i have no clue why i said that. today’s practice was just really tiring, but i know i shouldn’t have taken it out on you. just please-” he sighs, “just please don’t leave me again.”

your heart breaks your teary eyed boyfriend. “shh, of course baby. i’ll never leave you again okay?” you say, tugging on his arm, “cmon babe, let’s go to bed, okay?”

“mm okay my love.” he replies and practically pulls you into bed. “i love you, okay?”

“i love you too baby.” you reply

“to the moon and back?” he asks

“yeah, and to infinity and beyond.” you reply, your lack of sleep hitting you hard

“oh, i didn’t know i was dating buzz lightyear”

you let out a loud laugh and just like that you both fall into the same routine, love radiating off both of you in waves.

- sakusa kiyoomi

dating sakusa was,, challenging

it definitely took him a while to get comfortable with you

so you guys have been dating for a couple years now, and at this point he’s def clingy

however there still moments when he reverts to his old self

this just happened to be one of those times

“OUT! AND JUST LIKE THAT, EJP RAIJIN TAKES THE WIN AGAINST THE BLACK JACKALS!”

the stadium is silent before the ejp cheering section erupts in cheers. you stay silent, watching your team below. you watch as sakusa stills, still in disbelief. you make your way down, practically sprinting to your boyfriend.

he sees you on the sideline and makes his way over to you. you put on your biggest smile and attempt to make him feel better.

“you did great, kiyo! you’ll get them next time, yeah?” you beam, knowing how hard he’s been training to beat his cousin

he eyes you warily, not knowing what to say.

usually, sakusa gets pretty clingy after games, so you you move to give him a hug.

“don’t touch me” he barked, jerking away from you. “if you hadn’t been distracting me, we would’ve won.”

you stare at him, refusing to let the tears flow. you both turn when you hear a certain setter yelling at the opposing middle and you sigh.

“um, okay then. i’ll see you at home, yeah?” you ask

sakusa merely nods and makes his way over to his teammates. you look around to see if anyone saw what just happened and you lock eyes with your boyfriend’s cousin, who walks over.

“congrats on the win komori! you guys did so well!” you cheered

“thanks, y/n! and i’m sorry about kiyoomi. i’m sure you know he gets that way sometimes.” he explains

you smile and shake your head, saying that you’re used to it and you both bid your farewells. as you walk out of the stadium, you think back to how your boyfriend, the one person you loved with everything you had in you, utterly embarrassed you in front of his whole team. before you know it, silent tears start streaming down your face. 

you enter your home and immediately rush to the bathroom. you draw yourself a bath and make some dinner while waiting. you assume that kiyoomi wouldn’t be home to have dinner with you anyways- and now that you think about it, you can’t remember the last time you had dinner together. after you finish your bath and eat your dinner, you decide to wait up for boyfriend and watch a couple episodes of your favorite show to pass the time. 

-

kiyoomi walks into his apartment at around 1 am, completely and utterly exhausted. he kicks his shoes off and drops his bag on the floor. The rustling rouses you from sleep and you sit up.

“hey kiyo” you say with a yawn, “where’ve you been all night?” 

sakusa ignores you in favor of getting ready for bed and you frown when he brushes past you. 

“kiyo, babe, what’s wrong? you’ve been ignoring me all night and i-” you start but he interrupts you before you can finish. 

“god, just shut up, y/n. can’t you tell i don’t want to talk to you right now? i’ve already had the worst day, i don’t need you making it any worse.” he snaps

"kiyoomi, look, i understand you’re upset but you shouldn’t take it out on me.” you reason, reaching out towards him, “listen, i’m here if you wanna-” 

“i said, do not touch me.” he seethes. “you are so fucking clingy y/n, lord, let me breathe a little.”

with those words, you explode. “you know what, sakusa,” he flinches when he hears his last name come out of your mouth, “i think i have the right to want to spend some time with my boyfriend! i haven’t seen you in god knows how long- you leave before i wake up and i fall asleep in an empty bed. i’ve been working my ass off to get some time off to watch your stupid volleyball game and what do you do? you embarrass me in front of your whole team!”

you sigh, wiping away the tears that continue that continue to fall. “listen, i don’t want to fight right now. i’m going to go stay at a friend’s house for the night, alright? i’ll see you tomorrow” you say, grabbing your purse. “if you’re even home tomorrow,” you add under your breath.

sakusa is in shock. the moment he saw your tears start to spill, he felt an undeniable and unrelenting ache in his chest that only seemed to grow with every work that came out of your mouth. and when the door shut? sakusa fell on his knees, his heart dropping. he truly couldn’t believe he said that to you. now all he had to do was wait till you got home.

-

2:38 pm - you check the time on your phone before pulling out your keys. you hope you made the right move, choosing to come back home while kiyoomi was still at practice. you open the door and the sight causes your eyes to widen.

there, on the couch with your favorite flowers in hand, is your boyfriend. he hears the door open and stands up abruptly.

“y/n, my love, i am so sorry. i truly cannot express how horrible i feel, and i cannot begin to understand how you feel.” he takes a deep breath, seemingly holding back tears. “i- i do love you. i love you more than i’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. i know i’m not the best at expressing it, but you mean the world to me- no, you are my world. without you, i don’t know what i would do. so please-” his voice cracks, “just, please give me another chance?”

you run towards your boyfriend, practically tackling him. “kiyo, baby, of course. i love you too, you know? you just can’t do that anymore, yeah? you shouldn’t feel like you have the right to embarrass me just because you had a bad day. and please, don’t call me clingy? i know i do stick to you like glue sometimes, but that’s just because i never see you anymore.” you reply.

“that will all change, darling.” he answers sincerely, “i’ll make more time for you, i swear. in fact, i’ll take the week off, how does that sound?” at the sight of your smile, he relaxes.

“that sounds wonderful, yoomi.” you answer

sakusa feels the weight that’s been dragging him down lift and he realizes the effect you have on him- you’re his breath of fresh air. he also realizes how utterly idiotic it was to push away the one person who could make him feel better.

it’s fine, he reasons, he’ll just never make that mistake again. he swears it.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu fluff #hqradiostation #atsumu headcanons #atsumu drabble #miya atsumu #atsumu scenarios #atsumu angst #atsumu x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #sakusa fluff #sakusa hcs #sakusa x reader #hq sakusa #sakusa imagines #sakusa angst #all my love - signed; isa

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Dean Winchester x Jeremy Bradshaw ??

Idk if you are asking re my post the other day about Angels or just generally, but just to be transparent Dean's OTP in Angels is Cas and I will not be permitting outsiders.

however, for purposes of um, brainstorming - for you know Science, I mean 10/10 Dean would find Professor Jeremy Bradshaw attractive. Dean THEEEE king of having a thing for authority figures Winchester? Dean 'I like men in uniform,' Dean 'I like doctors' Winchester? And snarky, I'm Always Right Professor Jeremy Bradshaw? (Also I mean. it goes without saying He Is Dean's Type ;)).

Yeah our boy would be A Whole Mess over this man.

However, I'm not entirely certain how Professor Bradshaw would feel about Dean. I can, however imagine the conversation that would ensue...and I wrote it down for you, nonnie - under the cut!

Dean's having a really long day, and it's only 9:00 a.m.

Yeah, he got his four hours last night, but still - hauling ass to school of all places this early in the morning - well, cracking the books at the first sign of the sun's never been one of Dean's favorite things.

But the mysterious disappearances in the Bridgewater Triangle are all over the papers - and according to the Lore (which now apparently comes in the medium of podcast), this isn't the first occurrence of paranormal activity in the area.

So here they are.

Sam's gone to nerd heaven in the university library, leaving Dean stuck talking to their primary witness.

Who happens to be - a professor of fucking folklore? What are the odds?

Dean waits for the stream of students pouring from the open door of the classroom to peter out before he slides inside. The man he's seeking out is still lingering in front of the rows of uncomfortable looking chairs. They're the kind with seats that stick straight up to the ceiling when a posterior isn't weighing them down.

"Jer- um, Professor?" Dean's not sure why he's hesitating, but something about leading with 'Jeremy' seems entirely too familiar for someone he's just met.

Especially when that someone is standing in front of him at a podium of all things, looking like an intriguing mixed bag of business casual blazer and rumpled button down shirt, dark swoops of hair grazing the sides of his face, still messy - as if he couldn't possibly bother with brushing it this morning.

Dean's never been to college but he's starting to think he understands why Sammy won't shut up about his 'time at Stanford.'

The professor is looking at him oddly.

Dean realizes he's literally stopped speaking and they're just standing in the middle of the classroom in stone silence. "Erhm. Dean Winchester. Aquarius," Dean blurts out, feeling a little unhinged.

He suddenly realizes he's given this man his real name as opposed to this week's FBI alias, and now he's going to have to explain why he's here in a suit and quickly-growing-more-uncomfortable tie.

Maybe not though, because the expression staring back at Dean is the epitome of 'I could care less.'

"Jeremy Bradshaw," he says in a melodic timbre, and yeah maybe Dean could sit through a lecture if this dude gave it.

"I don't really subscribe to the idea of the zodiac, so I hope you don't mind if I don't share my birth chart with you," Professor Bradshaw continues. There's a snarky little bite to his syllables that pricks the back of Dean's neck in a funny way. "Pray tell, what can I assist you with other than directions to the astrology department?"

Dean's not sure what he was expecting (maybe some mild mannered dude, dorkier than even Cas?), but it certainly wasn't all...this.

He clears his throat. "My brother Sam and I, we uh. We hunt monsters!"

What is happening to him? Maybe the supernatural creature they're hunting is the professor himself.

Potentially-Monster-of-the-Week-slash-Professor Sexy Bradshaw seems equally confused by Dean's demeanor.

"Monsters aren't real," he says almost gently - the equivalent of a 'there, there' to a recalcitrant child who's inquiring about a candy bar in the grocery checkout line. "Trust me, folklore is my primary field of study."

"Um," Dean continues, feeling suddenly very much like he's shown up for a final exam entirely unprepared. "Well, actually - they are."

This is going great.

Professor Bradshaw frowns a little, and Dean can see by the press of his lips he's starting to lose patience with him. "Mr. Winchester, was it? Listen, I've dealt with enough people who believe the things you do to know minds can't often be changed, but I can genuinely tell you that there's an explanation for anything you may be ascribing to the...paranormal."

He takes the wire-rimmed glasses from his nose, simultaneously pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his slacks, and wipes the lenses carefully.

Dean watches his movements like he's in a fever dream.

Dude's gotta be a siren or something.

Professor Bradshaw slides the spectacles back on and purses his lips with a sigh. "If you like, however - I'm always happy to discuss the supernatural in terms of academia. I have the background."

Great. The last thing Dean 'GED and a give-em-hell attitude' Winchester needs right now is to discuss his actual godforsaken job in terms of...academia.

After a moment of collecting himself, Dean decides to go with:

"What is your background, exactly?"

Maybe there's a back door approach here.

He slams down on the next incoming thought prompted by his use of this particular terminology with particularly intense vehemence. If the professor sees Dean squirming, he doesn't comment, replying instead:

"I happen to have a PhD in - "

Dean doesn't even let him finish the sentence. "A PhD? Like a doctorate?"

Professor Bradshaw nods, increasing irritation tensing the lines of his jaw. The toe of his extremely sensible Oxford shoe is starting to tap a little beat on the faded hardwood of the classroom floor.

Dean knows it's not the same as a medical doctorate.

He's aware.

But that doesn't stop him from picturing Doctor-Monster-Professor-Bradshaw sporting a white jacket and scrubs, with a dangling stethoscope replacing the bowtie that's currently perched on his neck.

Professor Bradshaw's eyes are blinking at Dean. They're full of confusion.

He suddenly notices that they are also very, very, very blue.

Yeah - Dean's gonna have a really long day.

#you-cant-spell-subtext-without-asks #nonnie #scribbles #idk what is happening but I started writing this when I got the ask and hey! have a crossover #Dean isn't the character meeting Professor B in Angels so here's your treat of that <3 #Happy Thursday #Bridgewater pod #Professor Jeremy Bradshaw #dean is bi #spn fan fic #supernatural fan ficlet #fan fic rec #drabble #spn creators daily

[lexpressobean]

Thoughts on Kikaichu as actual Parasites.

Knowing how skin and the body generally works on a medical level, the "hive" aspect of the Aburame clan really drives me crazy. 'Cause parasites are real, obviously, but the size of Kikaichu beetles makes absolutely no sense in comparison to irl skin parasites. At least not in a bee hive sort of way lol

rambling because my mind craves logic and I'm specializing as a wound care nurse but it's literally anime so what do I expect lol

No, wounds don't freak me out, I'm more terrified of generally handling vomit and babies than I am a dehiscence of a 15cm long surgical site lol. The human body can literally take so much abuse before it really starts to give and try to alert you that you need help! And once you give it help, it really can come full circle to the wound 100% looking like it was never there. The body is an amazing thing <3

However the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the word "parasite" is always going to be "tapeworm". That's not gonna change. However, kikaichu are not worms and CERTAINLY don't grow that fucking huge or live that long. (A tape worm can live long enough to graduate with a fucking PhD. Can you believe?) I haven't been exposed to any urgent situations involving parasites yet, however, the one I would compare a Kikaichu to that is (unfortunately) also common is the scabies mite.

Very briefly, scabies mites (Sarcoptes scabiei) are technically a type of arachnid that grow no bigger than a bout 0.5mm in size, but CAN be seen with the naked eye if you're looking for them. They crawl around the skin and burrow specifically in the top layer of skin, called the epidermis. The epidermis is that protective layer of skin and can be between 0.5mm to 1.5mm thick depending on which part of the body you're looking at. After the epidermis, you have the dermal layer, which is where sweat glands, nerves, and capillaries are found. Scabie mites will not burrow that deep because they only burrow to lay their eggs and such. As they do this they can cause visible tunnels and other marks that can be mistaken for acne or other skin conditions if not properly identified. You'll most likely know because the itch is VERY BAD.

They're very easily spread by close contact and a scabies infestation needs to be treated with a prescribed pharmacological means.

However, kikaichu are definitely a lot bigger than 0.5mm. In the case of size, I would compare them at minimum to fruitflies/medflies, which grow up to 3-5mm and maximum to ladybugs 4-7mm.

3-7mm > 0.5-1.5mm... obviously. And the holes which Kikaichu swarm out of that the audience has seen before are about a size comparable Shino's nostrils, IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!

You're telling me those things were in his mouth?????????? S H I N O N O

That would mean, in realistic terms, the Kikaichu are fucking around in Shino's body to the bone and muscles and THAT'S A REALLY SCARY THOUGHT. Even just passing the epidermis to the dermis is alarming! Compared to the dry, protective epidermis that can and does take damage, the dermis can be 1-4mm thick depending on where you're looking and is where skin does it's business. All together that becomes 0.5-5.5mm of space BARELY big enough for a fruit fly do mess around in. It makes just enough sense in terms of THAT size, but last time I checked, having the skin penetrated to the dermal layer is just asking for infection to happen. You're first natural line of defense has been breeched, there's a pretty good chance you're gonna be bleeding (blood vessels) and general body fluids are going to be draining, which is bad for a multitude of reasons, and there's damage that gonna affect the nerves, and realistically this shit is going to be ABSOLUTELY painful if they're constantly manipulating those areas near nerves. These kinda of things CAN make new connections and things like that, sometimes damage is forever. (Case by case basis).

So my first thought to more or less "magically" solve the problem with anime logic, is that first of all, it's an anime and logic doesn't have to apply haha.

On a more sci-fi level, in which kikaichu are smaller than we've seen them shown, maybe they have been purposefully been allowed to burrow into the dermal layer of the skin at least because the blood vessels seem to be in direct contact with the chakra system. Kikaichu's prefered food is chakra, but they WILL mutiny and eat their respective Aburame from the inside out if they don't balance their chakra smartly. So it's safe to say Kikaichu are at least carnivorous as well, and so I only imagine these absolute nightmares would swarm their prey in the wild, and actively bite through and burrow into the body of the prey until they found the chakra system and went to town on that poor unfortunate soul. Eaten alive, how the hell did they "tame" them in the first friggin' place??

I like to think two things:

1) Kikaichu are passed down from parent to child, and the parent has control over the Kikaichu until they have been RIGOROUSLY trained for generations to comprehend that this baby/child isn't food, it's a new hive. If bees can comprehend time, Kikaichu can comprehend what an Aburame is. If they insist on trying to drain the babe or the babe just can't tolerate them, the parent takes the Kikaichu back and the babe is assigned another insect or position in general. Like hell they're gonna try to force a relationship like that.

2) As part of the successful symbiotic relationship, Kikaichu regularly debride the tunnels and borrows that they carve into their respective Aburame, and are naturally intuitive in avoiding as many nerves and blood vessels as possible. The chance of infection is never 0%, however, kikaichu are pretty good about taking care of their tunnels, and so it gives the Aburame more time to focus on their things, like increasing the amount if chakra in their system. To ensure that they stay healthy, Aburame are encouraged to eat as much protein and Vit C possible every day, whether it be meat, beans, lentils, eggs, oranges, tomatoes, or even supplements as times modernize. The dermis is living tissue and as long as debridement/tunneling is going on, it needs to be nourished as much as possible.

I don't know how the hell Aburame deal with the obvious drainage that would be coming from their bodies, assuming the dermal layer really is free game for the Kikaichu. But the magical solution is that... they don't? Because... drainage is minimal. The Kikaichu just do such a good job lol. Maybe they purposefully... carve entrances to be flappy, or they purposefully create pocket spaces underneath seemingly healed areas of skin to easily burst open when necessary. That's the biggest thing for me, leaking body fluids. There's no way around that shit besides straight up denial lol Maybe they wear a special kind of dressing underneath their clothes, or that's directly applied with their clothes. Maybe that's what that cute little backpack is filled with, who knows!!

Idk man. I'm sure the Aburame authority forces encourages many of their non-hive members to pursue medical nin training in order to give the clan more privacy in general too. All medics that claim the Aburame name are exclusively used by the Aburame Clan. A non-Aburame medic may end up healing tunnels and burrows that were meant to stay open because "oops" and now you have an X amount of insects possibly suffocating within a completely sealed pocket of the skin, and also now there's a very good chance that after those insects die, that whole area is gonna frickin' abscess and cause infection induced tunnels the longer it's left alone and GROSS THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! THERE IS A DELICATE, ORGANIZED, SELF-SUFFICENT PROCESS TO ALL THIS!! A PROCESS!!!

Like... the other ninja in the NartVerse can make as many jokes, jabs, and comments about the Aburame as they please (INO? BITCH??? but to be honest I still love her lol). But these MFers are constantly playing Russian Roulette with these high maintenance demon spawn from hell, and there are VERY little defences against Kikaichu, virtually none. Like the only thing I've ever seen actively thwart Kikaichu across all media is killing them with mass fire, countering them with large amounts of poison gas (both very exterminator like) or literally just feeding them chakra until they're so stupid full, they can't move, the little gluttons. As far as genjutsu, it's been stated that it's both effective and ineffective, so idk about that. But the Aburame are just SO set up to be the living breathing embodiment of Shinobi as defined by the NartVerse. They're whole clan culture relies on the threat of enemies. If they have no enemies, the whole relationship is an exhausting endeavor for literally no reason. It's not worth it if there's no one to fight or protect! But when there is a threat, you want them on YOUR side.

I suppose the best bet is to incapacitate the Aburame individual asap and the Kikaichu will tend the individual, making escape easier. But, if you DID manage to kill that Aburame right away, that particular Aburame's swarm is now suddenly without its food source and without restraint.

What do you THINK is gonna happen, bro?? The second an Aburame loses their grip on their consciousness due to external influences, the bugs go bonkers because I'm pretty sure Kikaichu are simply persuaded to be in this relationship and have NO tolerance for bullshit like alcohol and overheating temps. If their Aburame dies, they probably cause just as much chaos as they would as a wild, unattended swarm. Then YOU BETTER HAVE fire or poison gas or SOMETHING handy. The only way to calm them down is to offer them chakra and a new host with equal or even more chakra reserves. Otherwise the mutineers must be eradicated.

And for serious... Like, any deeper and the kikaichu would be in the hypodermal/subcutaneous layer of the skin and that's where a lot of connective tissue is located. Let's NOT mess with that shit, shall we? NOT a good idea. It's called connective tissue for a reason first and foremost...

#tis i #anime: naruto #shino aburame #aburame shino #if you need me to tag something lemme know #i wouldn't know exactly what to tag #i bet medics DREAD having to work on Aburame because their situations are so complex haha. #the best medic for an aburame would be a hyuuga clansman. #otherwise it's just gonna have to resolve itself cuz if they're unconscious #they can't help you help them

[mysticalmusicwhispers]

#i wonder what your thoughts on diaspora in hetalia are#cause its a pretty interesting topic (the post in question)

@urmomsstuntdouble a collection of things that I think about on a semi-regular basis below the cut (also thank you for the tags!)

Disclaimer: I think this turned into more of a discussion of immigration and immigrants, but I hope this strikes your fancy anyways 😅. Also this got SO LONG and I explained quite a bit of history (because idk whether anyone knows much about this), so the key thoughts will be bolded!

My thoughts are kinda complicated about this tbh; it’s weird, because if China really did exist as a personification in real life, we’d probably both be judging each other, just for different reasons 😅.

General Hetalia Cases

I think when discussing immigrants/diaspora, you have to think about why different immigrants left. @cupofkey kinda discussed that a while ago (if anyone hasn’t seen this superb post, GO READ IT NOW) about the Vietnamese diaspora, and I think there’s some of that in every country. How do the immigrants feel about the home country? Why did they leave: because of hard times, poverty? Political instability/revolution/war? Opportunities overseas? Are they doing well in their new home, or still struggling? Does their new country treat them like foreigners or outcasts, unworthy of even arriving, or doing anything besides menial labor, or have they been welcomed (rather unlikely)? Do they hate their home country (politically), or miss them? Would they ever go back, not just to visit family or the place of their birth, but to return permanently?

I think on the whole, hetalia nations would still maintain a connection to their immigrants, especially since most are still in touch with their culture, although they’ve crossed borders or changed nationalities. (However, the angst of not being as in touch with your culture as you think you should is so real; would our home countries be disappointed? Or do they sympathize, somehow?) In the end, we’re all the same that way. Plus, the alternative thought of them just disowning immigrants feels weird; I don’t even know how that would be possible. But I think that connection gets complicated by the reason people left, and their feelings for their place of origin; I’ll be using APH China and Chinese Americans as an example to discuss this hksdgsdf (sorry I don’t want to do more research than necessary and I have Thoughts about this)

**OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER that immigration/diaspora discussions are almost always case by case and will vary greatly based on things like country of origin/race/ethnicity, country immigrated to, initial socioeconomic status, time period, etc. And even among diaspora, people can and will have vastly different experiences, and it’s not good to generalize. These are just some thoughts with one example.**

1. Waves of Immigration 

Depending on when people arrive, they’ve got different push/pull factors drawing them to a country and it also factors into how the nation feels about them and vice versa... Chinese immigration to the US has mostly two major waves (you could also say there were 3, counting the post-WWII/Communist China wave, but I won’t talk about that): one in the mid 1800s and the other after the 1970s/1980s into modern day; the gap is because the Chinese Exclusion Act (1882) that banned most immigration from China wasn’t repealed until 1943 (because of Japan’s attack on the US in WWII, the US needed China as an ally).

IMMIGRATION WAVE 1: MID 1800s

These immigrants were mostly from southern China (Canton area), and they came to the US because of hard times (Opium Wars + political instability because of things like the Taiping Rebellion) and economic opportunity in the West (eg. Gold Rush (San Francisco is literally “Old Gold Mountain” in Chinese today) + industrialization, railroads, expansion etc.). There was Much Discrimination against those immigrants, and many worked as hard laborers in a variety of occupations (on railroads, gold mine, farms (in the South esp), laundry businesses; there were merchants as well, but they were the minority); many were looking to get some money that they could send back to their families in China and planned to return, but over time, they settled down and stayed. I think for those immigrants, Yao would definitely be understanding, even if he might not be empathetic. After all, he’s not thriving at that time either, and although he thinks Alfred is inferior to him (in many ways), he understands why people would be drawn by economic promise and quick wealth, even if it might not be the best strategy for getting rich. It’s not like staying in China would be better lmao. However, I don’t think he would approve (?) how many of his immigrants stayed in the US when most viewed it as a temporary move; I think Yao is very surprised by how so many of them persisted to carve out a home there, despite the discrimination and limited opportunities. Perhaps he admires their resilience, the creation of Chinatowns and community and how they still come to a country that doesn’t even let them in (see the San Francisco Fire of 1906 and the boon for paper sons), but still wishes they would come back, however unlikely that hope is. Personally, Yao would never be able to stay in Alfred’s country, the beautiful country, if Alfred’s hypocrisy prevented his experience, his immigrant’s experience, from being anything close to beautiful. (You were founded by immigrants and foreigners, but now you spurn them: the poor sojourners who continue to flee to your shores, and refuse them respite from the disasters at home.) And anyways, Alfred is just the next scrappy young upstart, barely 70 years old but with a swagger like he rules the world; how could he have something over himself, the Middle Kingdom, who has stood the test of time? (Admittedly, he’s doing nowhere as well as Alfred—even he can see that, despite his pride, and despite the haze of opium in his brain. Leaving is the logical, objectively sound choice. Still, his pride hurts vaguely when he thinks how his immigrants keep choosing a country that keeps rejecting them, over and over again, instead of himself. But it is no matter. The injury to his ego is inconsequential and easily brushed aside; for they are still his people, and they deserve a good life, wherever they are. His distaste for Alfred flares up again: Arthur’s bastard child, who takes advantage of his trade (see the Open Door Notes, 1899-1900), but refuses his people.)

if anyone wants more context or is interested in the history I mentioned, I highly recommend this pdf (from the book A Different Mirror: A History of Multicultural America by Ronald Takaki)

IMMIGRATION FROM 1949 TO 1980: according to Wikipedia, there was very little immigration from mainland China during this period due to the Cold War and China becoming Communist; most of the immigration was from Taiwan/ROC but counted in the quota for China. Since there’s a separate Hetalia personification for TWN, I’m not going to go over that. However, there were also many people from Mainland China who escaped to Hong Kong, still a British colony, during that period (I hope it’s clear why, but if anyone asks I’ll put it in a separate post); some stayed there, while others emigrated to the US; both trips were for more freedoms and a better life etc because China was really really messed up for a bit (also keep in mind the people emigrating all had the means to and were at least middle class, usually somewhat educated, etc.). I will not be talking about that group either because I don’t think it’s my place to, but please know they exist as well.

IMMIGRANT WAVE 2: 1980s ONWARD

A lot of people came from mainland China for education; there was also an. exodus of intellectuals following 1989 (which I Will Not get into). Many of these people sought job opportunities, like those that rapidly opened up in the computer industry, there are many students who come here to study abroad, who take SATs and TOEFLs to get into good US colleges or to conduct graduate research and get PhDs; some stay, others have gone back to like, advance China’s development (this sentiment of getting good students to go abroad and then go back to China to use their talents for Patriotic Purposes isn’t a new thing, stretches back to like the late 1800s). I don’t really have much to say about this group besides what’s below ↓. 

2. Immigrant Thoughts On Their Home Country

more complicated, because it varies by generation and time period and probably 203943 other things. Mainlanders that came over starting in the 1990s till now have relatively positive feelings towards China (imo, extrapolating from my life experiences); I think part of that is also because most* of these immigrants aren’t really escaping from something? They’re coming for an education/job opportunities (students studying abroad in the US (留学生 or liuxuesheng) for graduate school or university come to mind as one example), and they’re still very much connected to China politically and culturally, sometimes* more so than to the US. For these immigrants, I think Yao doesn’t worry too much about them? They’re pretty successful* overall*, and discrimination, although still A Large Problem™, isn’t the same from stuff that Yao (or his immigrants) remember from, say the mid 1800s (see above), or even during the paranoia about Communists after WWII and the subsequent Chinese Confession Program that made many people really scared of being deported. (Red China made Chinese Americans a target of the Communist panic, and the confession program was instated in order to make sure Communist spies couldn’t infiltrate the US. Those who immigrated illegally could confess that and gain citizenship; however you also had to weed out everyone you knew who also immigrated illegally.) I think Yao would see them as an extension of himself in a different land; they’re very much still part of him, and he gives them his well wishes.

However, I think that immigrants born in the US in modern day at least (1990s onwards) are definitely more ambivalent about China’s legacy + modern day Issues™, as much as we are connected via culture and heritage. Not quite sure how Yao would feel about that, because I’m not quite sure how much Yao is the state and how much he represents the people. However, I think there would be some mutual unease; does he see this as betrayal of some kind? Perhaps he doesn’t blame us for feeling as we do? Maybe he wonders what we feel about him; maybe he doesn’t want to know. Maybe he chooses the easier route: to focus on the bonds between him and his huayi instead of the grievances, and leave the rest unsaid. 

Additionally with first gen immigrants, there’s the conflicting feeling of being stuck between two worlds and value systems that oppose each other in many respects. Also there’s sometimes a feeling of not-quite-being-in-touch-with-your-culture (in other diaspora as well, ofc. here it’s often exemplified by forgetting or not knowing how to read and write Chinese proficiently, among other things 🙃); idk. does Yao see that as a bit of a disappointment? Would he wish us to try harder? Does he view it as inevitable, for those raised in the US; the environment is too different, and perhaps he won’t blame us for those differences, or shortcomings. Does Yao know, or care, about the racism? What about his immigrants who try to assimilate completely into American culture, who try to erase the Chinese part of their identity? Those that have tried it, but regretted it? Are they still his, when they have tried rejecting their connection to him, choosing to drop the “Chinese” from Chinese American? Does he consider racism when thinking about them? What about international adoptees? Does he claim them, when some have not been raised in a culturally Chinese environment, and when it’s still a sensitive subject on both sides of the ocean? I don’t have answers to many of these questions.

There are also immigrants who fled China because of war or persecution or upheaval, (one example is with regards to the Cultural Revolution), but I don’t feel qualified to discuss it here, and I don’t want to take it lightly.

But, despite everything I’ve discussed above, I’d like to think that however an immigrant feels about their home country or however long they’ve been there, all nation personifications would still wish them a better life (even Yao). I mean, it’s not always easy being an immigrant/part of a diaspora (especially when race becomes a factor). I really don’t think any of the hetalia characters would say “look at your struggles. What a mistake it was to immigrate somewhere where you still face so many challenges, although they might be different from the ones back home”. that’s just No. Also, I think that when you disregard sentimentality and their inherent connection to the people, countries would still be able to sympathize with people trying to strive for better, you know? People immigrate for a better life, whether it’s because it was getting rough when they left or because other places had more potential, and like. although nation-people can’t leave their own country, I think they understand the people who do, because it’s a chance to make a new life, and it would be unkind, counterproductive, limiting, to prevent someone from taking that opportunity if it came. And their children, and grandchildren; they are still connected to their origins even in a new country, by blood if nothing else, and nations are people too; they must have some sentimentality for their people born in a different land. I’d like to think that if Yao met a Chinese American kid running around San Francisco’s Chinatown, or bumped into an ABC high schooler in a well to do Massachusetts suburb, he’d stop and nod and maybe say hello, and wish them luck, wherever they go in the future. After all, they are the products of his immigrant’s hopes and dreams, and they are his too, as much as they live in Alfred’s land.

* (asterisks): this is a) from my experience and research; not everyone will have the same experiences! please keep this in mind and don’t generalize a very vast group of people. :)

Idk if that was too sentimental or rambly or something, but yeah, those are some of the things I consider when I think about nations and their diasporas. If you made it down here, thanks for reading! I greatly appreciate it. Also I hope I got all my facts correct, but if anyone spots anything incorrect, especially regarding the post 1980s immigration wave, please tell me! Tried doing my research but there are still a few things I’m unsure about rip. 

This might be deleted tomorrow because I’m feeling weird about it, but feel free to reblog! I’d also very much love some feedback too if any of y’all are feeling up to it

#i was thinking about a lot of this when writing the zine fic so this post is partially an extension of that #hws china #aph china #musings #hetalia #nation lore #hws #aph #aph china headcanons #hetalia worldbuilding #headcanon musings #hetalia headcanons #I GUESS??