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#idk i dont really want to be an academic... i just want to do my own research and not talk to ppl
aroacesigma · 2 months
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really wish my mum would hurry up and get me a doctors appointment
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milkweedman · 1 year
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Resisting the urge to carve myself a distaff from one of the evergreen boughs ive dragged home and learn medieval in-hand distaff spinning. Do i need to do any of this ? No. Am i happy with supported spinning ? Yes ! Am i probably gonna do it anyway ? ... also yes
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imflyingfish · 7 months
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Aggh feeling super proud of myself like im getting on so well atm im learning to drive and im learching french and my art is going really well and ive been enjoying spending time with myself and ive been organising more things for my future and now it feels possible and i hit that deadline and ive been more equiped to deal with things that definetly would have given me a breakdown in march and like. This year is going to suck and im not getting everything i want done but its not going terribly either
#ive had a lot of anxiety issues this last week#i dont have anxiety but i do get anxious most days but im able to get past it#but idk i had a session today and it was positive and it was good to catch up after last weeks was cancelled#theres some things i want to do more of like i want to learn more guitar and i need to do more revision but im also. im improving myself a#lot more#like after learning blender (althpugh ive forgotten now lol) anytime im like man i wish i could learn ____ im like... well i learned blende#its cheesy but its given me a LOT more self confidence in my skills both academic and creative#i sometimes feel that im fucking stupid but like. im also not#idk i just dont think im as far off as i thought#and im SUPER syced to be learning french and spanish#its a LOT more work than it was like last week but honestly i think im going to settle back into it#and im like. okay if i spend 4 years learning french/spanish. i may not be fluent#but i sure as hell wont be any worse#also i know like LOADS more spanish than i thought#anyway im super proud of myself for kicking myself into this#I watched a youtube intro in french and UNDERSTOOD IT IMMEDIETLY TODAY#well it took a bit of concentration but u know#and im watching and listenimg to french/spanish media and its really interesting and fun#my endurance in spanish is not as gpod as in french#and usually id type this out in either blog but my energy is just out for today#but i'll be listening to music and just hear words and its insane how much i can pick up while doing coursework or whatever its amazing#i feel annoying when i talk to other people about it but. oh well i sometimes just get so excited about it#im NOT good. but hey its been 4 months learning french and. about 3 days learning spanish lol
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dip-the-stick · 4 months
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i am falling apart
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aahsokaatano · 1 year
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getting so fed up about the lack of trans voices in rhetoric on an academia level while trying to find sources for a class project that i am considering changing my career goals
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#the agony of writing personal statements. or statements of purpose#why is it so hard? bc i dont kno how to balance listing things i can do vs waxing on abt bullshit i like#idk i just feel v pretentious when i write things bc i also kinda talk that way when i can get a sentence out straight. when i can figure#out what im trying to say. so i just sorta talk kinda weird. or i say weird stuff#its not a bad thing really. but idk how much i should let it out on these statements#or what i should focus on#what to say: i studied extremophilic soil communities. learned stats coding. loved cyanos.#but also: i enjoy science communication? sort of. i like talking abt things and hearing other perspectives but u gotta kno what im saying#1st so i gotta teach u. and i want to help ppl understand things in a way that makes sense to them bc everyone learns differently#but also im too tired and depressed to do thst lmao#sigh... its just hard bc my interests seem frivolous. like theres an academic justification but im not actually interested in being useful#thats just a side effect. so i dont wanna talk abt that stuff#ugh. annoying i wanted to finish writing thrm today but then i got invited to go hiking#and going on a 3hr hike sounded like a better idea than sitting in ny apartment having a breakdown#and then i ran around in the rain a while. so not a bad day as it turned out#but a very unproductive weekend :-/#ok but the annoying part abt the personal statement writing is that i know im agonizing over it more than i should#bc i kno some jackass out there is applying to the same school and just slapped one together and im wasting hours and hours#on 1 to 2 pages. annoying. and i might mot even get in idk#uuuuuuugh. and it looks like i might have to share a room with my boss for thurs thru Sunday night on our sampling trip#itll b fine i just might wilt being around ppl too much#also have like a streight up 11hr car ride with my lab mate. which will b ok hopefully bc we r friends#but like idk i feel like i kinda gotta pull the conversation with him so blah well see what happens#blah. i fluctuate between: im so burnt out im not having fun anymore#and then remembering: oh wait i am passionate abt things. i wish i had the energy. and then slumping over again#idk @ thr Universities im applying to: u should accept me bc i said so. there. end of statement#unrelated#university: what do i wanna b when u grow up?#me: fuck it i guess a professor? i just wanna do cool research. i dont actually want to work for a uni bc fuck that#i also dont wanna talk to ppl. just habe my own office and do cool science stuff rip
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airbenderedacted · 2 years
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I love you too!!! /p For the record I also listen to will wood I’m just not a superfan and I haven’t listened to the album because I didn’t have the energy to listen to new music yesterday,,, But anyways yes idk I just remember you talking about listening to will wood a while ago and you were like “I’m a gay little spinel kinnie of course I do” so maybe I had those words subconsciously in my mind… but in any case I . I just wanted to tell you everything will be okay . Because I know you have been sad in the past :( . And being a spinel kinnie if it’s for trauma is inherently sad HASHJSNAD. Anyways goodnight or good morning depending on when you see this. Rest well buddy💗💗💗
"I'M A GAY LITTLE SPINEL KINNIE OF COURSE I DO"
#IMN SIRRY YSYHGS BJNMS IM SORRY I READ THAT PART AND IT SENTM#JKSDFHGVSD NM E SO BAD I LIKE/ .#i think ym whole brain exploded just the inherit humor of that is GODLY im scvreaming#idk what it was i SAID but you remembering it like that is killing me it's jkllk BGHVDFJMK#HELPa#crying that made me completely unable to read the rest of ur ask for like. the past IDK mins straight hjsefhjskjs#BUT ANYWASY UM! okay yeah no i've been doing really well like emotionally and healthily and academically these past few months!!!#i think it so very WILL be okay YEAH!!!! 😄 <3333 that's really nice of you to wanna send me ty <333333#(bc god yeah i was . fucked up SO BAD the beginning of the year. and also for a decent while prior to that. The Foreshadowing to the hrtgh)#(BUT IT'S FINALLY ENDEEEEDDDD YEYAGHDHAAHHHH and it better stay that way god (it probably will lol i've fixed like. a Lot of Thimngs👍💖))#Also. to that last spinel kinnie mention: HELP?#DWNMBDNBSNM OKAY ICAN SAY RIGHT NOW THAT THE KINNIE THING IS NOT BECAUE OF TRAUMA or at least i dont think i can say that#that fyucked up lil wad of pink bubble gum of a gem is just Literally Me and it's insane and yah :)#genuinely. very genuinely. movie premiere bringing her into existence was like having a mirror held up to my mind's eye. crazy#both in aesthetic and being ridiculously relatable on so many fronts both to past and present instances of myself like wtfff#(minus her wanting to hurt innocents during her stupid fucked up and evil phase - that was NOt a mood 😰 girl wtf the fuc)#WHY DID SHE HAVE LIKJE ALL OF MY MANNERISMS AT THE TIME. HER STUPID LITTLE WALK. THAT WAS 2019 ME HELPP#okay anyway done screaming abt being a kinnie ty for the ask and being so sweet and fun to talk to !!! 👋😄😊 <333#fr!!!!!! ♡
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angelguk · 2 years
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can I ask how you find the time to create and write when you're busy? I find all of my time being devoured by school and work, and I really miss painting and writing. the most I manage is late-night journaling. your writing is so gorgeous and ur posts about tarot have made me really curious about trying too. I guess, how do you find the space to let the creative in you breathe?
i most definitely poorly manage my time im afraid, either its sacrificing sleep or procrastinating something to get a little writing done. the most a do is 1-2 hours of writing and thats not even daily (sometimes its all i manage in a week :/). i wish living wasn't as time-consuming as it is, i would love to just spend my time writing and looking at media for inspo but nope! this is really shitty advice sorry but thats honestly because i need advice in this area too
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cisthoughtcrime · 2 years
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hakugreenfinch · 2 months
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when they said a masters thesis is more difficult than a ba thesis i didnt think they meant "nobody cares about your masters thesis"
#hakuna matata#i think im a bit more affected by my consultant not even reading it before meetups than i thought#last time my consultant was literally doing diplomacy in japan and she could read what i was sending her and give me feedback#my current consultalt not knowing about jojo isnt an excuse i had to explain trans women to this previous one and she could help#i dont want to slander this man. the rest of my class does that enough.#its just a bit frustrating putting out 10ks of characters not even knowing if what im doing is any good#not expecting my classmates to care tbh. whenever i had to discuss my topic with them it felt like it was a joke for them#its just. idk? anyone? does anyone care that im doing it and if im doing it right?#other than my beloved friends whose support i honestly appreciate <3#it just feels like im assured that pop culture analysis is worth the work in an academic environment#but nobody in the actual academic environment seems to really care what im doing#ah that and the lady that ran the thesis writing class last year giving me a 3 :))#i thought i gave a good presentation and she showed no signs that she disliked anything about it.#the paper i sent her i think i did pretty well on too. especially for a paper i sent after 3 days of being very sick#i sent it late but i told her i was going to be late because i had a terrible weekend#so she knew i was sick! and she was very 'prioritize your health' in class!#idk what happened there... so my work is praised in class but then its only worth a 3...?
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solardistress · 6 months
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me when i did literally nothing i wanted to do even though j had hours upon hours of time to do so but didnt because my body didnt want me to get up from the chair no matter how many times i yelled for me to do so to the point i started ceying because i kept wasting time
#. frowns .#upsetting . im so . idk man idk anymore#im just good at doing assignments but even then im struggling#if im not good at this im not good at anything . im not good at anything . i dont even know what i want to do after this .#what i want to do in life . im too scared to talk to people i want to .#i dont have rhe best looks . i dont even know who i am anymore#im just ‘that smart girl’ who you get answers from because he folds easily#whenever i try to do something non academic i cant help but feel extremely guilty for not studying or something#and its so . idk . stressing .#not only am i worrying for my academics but then my social life#theres nothing there . at all . i daydream about connections with people i know i could never possibly talk to#what we could be if i . yk . wasnt so . me i guess#i think about my friends and how lonely i am even though i have them all the time#how im just a tool for people im not close to because . im that smart person at your table#im not funny . not attractive . im just smart . thats it . thats all i am#god my chest feels . really heavy because i cant talk about what i actually do want to here because certain people are going to see it and#idk . i dont want them to .#so many things go thru mt brain that when i want to relax i cant . i just sit there stunned and paralyzed and hating myself#because for some reason in my brain whatever i do is never enough#. i really have to get this fixed . i cant deal with the tight and heavy feeling in chest all the time#vent
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zhuzhee · 1 year
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waughh i will get through this semester i will throttle my exams i will finish all my org work especially that one pesky shirt design i will focus on my project i will draw mochael my beloved and actually start reviewing the consti and commit maybe ten crimes hashtag Manifesting
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jackandspaghetti · 5 months
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not a vacation. (jack hughes x female reader, smut)
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summary: they just wanted to get freaky w no distractions, life is hard. and jack has been too, so these two goofies needed some satisfaction! they figured a hotel was the way to do it. dont ask me, im just the messenger. this was written via divine inspiration.
warnings: sex (p in v) unprotected (assume bc), praise, idk man this is my first time im a virgin to writing smut
other notes: random context, i think Y/N is in college for this and also she is living w jack. its a fic bae don't read into all that too much
wc: 3k
Y/N and Jack are finally on vacation. Well, it’s only for a couple nights, and they do not have plans to do anything. They really just wanted to get away. With all of Jack’s hockey stuff finally done for the season, and with Y/N’s academic year having come to a close, they just needed a break.
Originally, they were just going to spend time together at their own house. They do it all the time, and they certainly enjoy it, but that did not feel like enough of a reset. Their families could still show up at their door at any moment, or even solicitors were enough to ruin their peace in each other’s company. So, they decided they would go to a random town not too far away and stay a few nights in a hotel. Somewhere that their families would not find them. Somewhere quiet. With few tourists. A place where there would be little noise to distract them, and few people to be distracted by the noise they would inevitably make together.
Anyway, this was not really a vacation. It was a desperate retreat to a place where Y/N and Jack could just immerse themselves in each other with no consequences or disruptions. Neither one even plans to leave the hotel for any reason except to quickly grab food or to stop at a convenience store.
The two check into their single-bed hotel room, a pretty nice one thanks to Jack’s being famous and everything. Neither one has brought many clothes. They don’t anticipate wearing them very often. The couple wastes no time in racing to their room for some privacy.
The minute they walk into their home for the next few days, Y/N throws her bags down and puts the “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door handle. Then she locks the door and spins on her heels to face Jack. They both seem to let out a breath of relief. They have both been terribly horny for days. Not that they haven’t had sex in those days, but their desire just keeps returning. They can’t seem to get a break from it for any longer than Jack’s refractory period. So here they stand, in utter silence, staring at each other with hungry eyes in their new little hideaway. Each one waiting to see if the other will make a move.
Suddenly, Jack lunges at Y/N and wraps her up in a passionate, sensual kiss. He is breathing heavily into her mouth and already sounding like a hungry man who will do anything for a bite.
“Ohhhh Y/N,” he’s kissing her deeply. At some point, he picks her up, because now he’s carrying her and pushing her onto the neatly made hotel bed.
She immediately responds, moaning into his mouth and wrapping her legs around him when he lifts her. She feels the way her panties are soaked through and at that moment, she is desperate to be wearing nothing. To feel all of his skin against all of hers. She whimpers, “Oh god babe I’m so wet.”
Jack is on top of her now. He grunts when he hears that, and he pushes his own hips down onto hers. They are both still fully clothed, but his erection is no secret when it’s pressing against Y/N. And he can easily feel the intense heat radiating off of her through her sweatpants. These respective sensations are enough to make the two of them moan together, on fire with want as they notice each other’s arousal.
Jack whispers, “Mmmm feel that baby?”
Her voice is whiny and a little pathetic with frantic desire. “Not sure if you’re talking about you or me, but I feel us both. Jesus Christ you’re hard. Ohhhh fuck.”
He chuckles a bit at her little display of desperation, and he slides his warm hands into her sweater, onto the even warmer skin of her stomach. His voice is gentle, soothing, but intimidatingly so. It’s clear that behind it, he is trying to control an unusual amount of arousal, a primal need to have Y/N naked and flushed and sweating beneath him. These images are flashing through his mind when he says, “All for you. God, look at you.”
His hands slide further, hiking up her sweater and revealing a bit of her abdomen. Y/N sighs as those familiar fingers graze her skin. She hears the quietest groan in Jack’s chest, and the sound of his pleasure in this moment, from just touching her, multiplies her own pleasure tenfold. His hands are on her bra. Her nipples are so hard that they are obvious through the padding, and both Jack and Y/N make a strained noise when he feels them.
Y/N starts to grasp his sweatshirt, arching her back a bit with desperation, and Jack knows neither of them can live like this a second longer. His own dick is currently being suffocated as it strains for this girl.
“Clothes are so uncomfortable, aren’t they baby?” he pulls her sweater off in a sudden hurry, followed by his own sweatshirt. The clothes end up somewhere, who knows, the only important thing is that they aren’t here.
She whimpers, “Yeah…oh my god…” as she feels utterly overwhelmed by his determination.
Jack’s eyes hungrily scan Y/N’s partially exposed body as he makes quick work of his jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping like he has been in this situation, urgently taking his pants off, many times before. He has. Then they are off and gone and no longer in the universe and he is only in his boxers, yanking Y/N’s pants off with a frustrated grunt.
She has not really been doing anything to help; she has just been watching him in awe, blushing at his urgency. She decides this is her chance. Y/N places her palm firmly against Jack’s hard, fabric-covered cock, rubbing a bit and relishing in the way it reacts to her. The way it seems to have a mind of its own, twitching and straining under her touch. Jack groans, very audibly this time, as he feels this and stares down at Y/N in her bra and panties, so beautiful and laying right beneath him. His voice is low, “I need you baby. I…” his voice drifts off, unable to think straight as he sees her looking so helpless for him.
Y/N finally speaks up, though the tension is so palpable that she can only manage a whisper for fear of shattering the moment. “Jack…” his eyes meet hers and she whimpers, “please, Jack.”
Normally, he would do a whole “please what?” thing and make her spell it out for him that she desperately wants him to fuck her. But this time, he is so hard that he just makes a noise in his throat and pulls his boxers off, setting his throbbing dick free. He runs his hands over Y/N’s bra before slipping them under her back and unhooking it, letting the cursed thing fall off her shoulders and throwing it into the abyss that is the world outside of this one embrace.
Y/N is immediately relieved and also sent into a fit of deeper arousal when she sees his cock, throbbing with need and dripping pre-cum, hard and ready to go, all for her. She doesn’t wait for him to take her panties off, she just lifts her hips and does it herself so that they are now both naked, stripped bare before each other and each one loving the other.
But forget that—this is about the sex.
Jack grabs her thighs and roughly pushes them wide apart, staring between them. He smirks, “Mmmmm poor thing. A pussy this wet can only mean you’re aching for me.”
A soft gasp escapes Y/N’s lips. “Yeah…” her breath is shaky, “it’s your fault.”
“All this? Plus all that was in your panties?” his voice drops to a whisper as he leans close to her ear, “I’m the only guy who can make you this wet, hm?”
“Yes.”
He seems proud of himself. Of course, he already knew all that, but that doesn’t mean hearing it is any less hot. His lips are just barely brushing against her ear, and she can feel his breath when he adds, “I’m the only one who can see this pretty thing? Touch you like this?”
This time, it just comes out of her. “Yes daddy.” She wasn’t even trying to do that. Something just comes over her sometimes when he acts like this, and her eyes widen when she realizes. Her face turns red.
But Jack isn’t bothered. He smirks. Almost chuckles a bit. He kisses right below her ear, sliding his hand down her waist and softly rubbing it against her stomach. Then, in that low, intimate voice, “Mmmm what was that?”
Y/N is losing her mind. She doesn’t know how he does all this when she knows he is equally desperate, but apparently her calling him daddy makes him want to mess with her. She’s not having it. She’s not too proud to say it again and make it a little more flowery this time. She sounds really helpless and a little louder when she responds, “I’m all yours, daddy. Take everything, I don’t care, just fuck me please.”
She doesn’t have to tell him twice. He lines himself up with her, purposefully letting his tip rub against her clit for a moment first. That makes her gasp. Then, “Sure, baby,” and he is pushing his dick into her, groaning a bit as the pressure and warmth of her pussy soothes his aching erection. “Shit, this is good.”
Y/N moans, her walls adjusting around him as she adapts to the sensation, and the feeling of being filled like that gives her face a glowy, though dazed, look. Her voice matches the look in a way, “Fuck…you feel so good daddy.”
“Mmm yeah?” he starts to slide in and out of her in a rhythm, slowly at first, “You like me on top of you, princess?”
He keeps going slowly, but starts to run his hand up her body, leaning in close as she whines, “Yes, daddy…ohhhh…” she doesn’t really know what to say. Her brain isn’t formulating responses when hes so close to her, touching her like that, fucking her like that, breathing on her skin.
“Good girl,” he slowly starts to kiss along her jaw, speeding up his thrusts just a bit. He seems to want this to last, but when he has been wanting her this bad, he has a limit to how much he can hold back. His lips eventually reach her ear, and he whispers, “This is where you belong. Right here under me baby. Your legs spread; your pussy wrapped around my cock like this.”
She gasps, then her exhale is just a moan. She starts to run her hands along his sides and his back, desperate to feel more of him as her breath becomes labored.
“Soooo wet…” his voice feels like poison, like it’s incapacitating her, but in such an addictive way; it’s like a drug. He grunts softly before speaking again, “and so, so tight…you feel like heaven, princess.” His hand reaches her breast and gently kneads the flesh as he starts thrusting his dick into her harder, though not any faster, feeling and relishing in the way her walls tighten and react to every adjustment.
Her eyes are fluttering as he praises the way she feels for him. Her nipples are hard, begging for stimulation when she feels his hand on her breast. It’s like he reads her mind, because in an instant he is teasing her nipple with his thumb, starting to plant hot, wet kisses on her neck. “Ohhhh…oh Jack,” she moans as he overloads her with pleasure all over, the sensations piling up and boiling over and causing her pussy to react, squeezing his dick for a moment as she arches her back just the slightest bit.
“Mmhmmm what about me baby? How does daddy’s cock feel?” His voice sounds rough, and he has to start fucking her faster. He needs more as he kisses and bites every sensitive spot on her neck that he knows so well, rubbing her precious breast with that one hand while his other arm is wrapped around her waist, supporting a bit of his weight against the bed. Her skin is hot and it’s all for him, “Tell me sweetheart.”
“Daddy…oh god it feels perfect…ohhh fuck it’s…mmm right there, daddy,” she whimpers as his dick rubs repeatedly against her g-spot, “so hard…fuck, you’re so hard and you stretch me out so good…” Her legs wrap around him, and she sighs under the weight of his warm body.
His mouth finds its way back to her lips, and now he’s moaning as well, making pleasured noises into her mouth as he fucks her hard and fast, feeling her tightness threatening to make him bust any minute now. He is panting as he speaks into the kiss, “Fuck, baby. Keep up that whimpering and shit.” He softly bites her bottom lip for a moment before he can’t do it anymore. He can’t focus on kissing her when her body feels like that. He adjusts his weight onto the other side and now the hand that was supporting him is all over her; it’s on her waist, on her breast, on her neck for a moment. Then it rests on her hip as he thrusts into her over and over and over again, watching the way her tits bounce from the force of his movements.
She does indeed keep up the whimpering. She is a moaning mess by now, her eyes closed more often than not, like her body doesn’t want to sense anything but this feeling. The warmth in her lower abdomen blooms like a flower, then spreads through her body like a flame. She is gasping with every breath, moaning with almost every exhalation. Y/N feels Jack’s cock staring to twitch inside her. She feels her own telltale spasms that come before orgasm too, crying out with pleasure, “Daddy!!! Ohhhhhh!!”
A small grunt escapes Jack’s chest with every thrust and his hand is gripping her hip so hard, squeezing the flesh like his life might depend on it. Their heavy breaths mix as he puts his face against hers. Sounds of panting and moaning fill the room, along with the sounds of the sheets rustling just slightly under their movements, and of course the sound of wet slapping as his pelvis repeatedly pounds into hers.
Jack speaks in a rough, strained voice, “I’m so fucking close baby. Oh, fuck you make daddy feel so damn good.”
Y/N replies frantically, almost pathetically, “Me too oh god me too. I’m gonna cum daddy oh you feel so good.”
He groans and speaks again, urgency in his voice now, though not replacing the sound of authority that has been there this whole time, “Fuck! Okay princess I need you to let go. Cum for daddy c’mon baby.”
If she wasn’t already going to cum just from the sensations of all this, those words definitely do the trick. She is suddenly arching her back and curling her toes, sweating and crying out in pleasure. Her orgasm hits her like a truck, causing her to convulse around Jack and writhe with the overwhelming feeling of it all. As for her face, her eyes roll back before they flutter shut, her mouth is open, her head tilted back slightly on the pillow, her cheeks flushed a bright shade of red. Y/N looks like the picture of female pleasure.
This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jack, who sees the way she cums for him, sees the way her face looks all because of him, and feels the way her pussy squeezes the life out of his dick. He pumps into her for only a second more before he grunts loudly, driving his cock deep inside her and groaning as he feels himself release.
Y/N sighs as she feels that familiar warmth filling her up deep inside, feeling his cock spasm as he empties his load.
Jack is nearly paralyzed for a moment until he is all done, when he collapses on top of her, his face buried right where Y/N’s neck meets her shoulder. He lets his dick slip out of her as he starts to soften. He places a gentle kiss right where his lips are resting against her skin, and then a slow, quiet groan is heard from deep within his chest.
Y/N smiles and tries to control her breathing. She weakly lifts a hand to stroke his hair and the back of his neck, feeling a small amount of Jack’s nut mixed with her own wetness slowly dripping out of her. She sighs and can’t hold back a little giggle, “So that was good then?”
He just wraps his arms around her tighter and nuzzles his face deeper into her neck as he groans again. Y/N laughs. She uses her free hand to soothingly caress his back, feeling his toned muscles under that lovely skin, “Mmmm I see. You’re speechless.”
Jack chuckles into her neck and gives her another soft kiss there before lifting his head to look down at her. He strokes the hair around her face a bit, “Pretty…”
She smiles, “Good sex too?”
He laughs and hugs her tightly again, returning to his newly declared home nuzzled in her neck. There is a slight pause before Y/N hears and feels a soft voice against her skin, “The best sex.”
She nods with approval and pride in herself, then responds with a whisper, “I love you.”
“I love you. I’m gonna fall asleep here.”
Y/N chuckles and continues to caress him. She was calling him daddy earlier, but normally that melts away and they are just their barest selves after the excitement. She whispers, “Okay then.”
She hears one last little grunt from him and her heart melts as he falls asleep.
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rorschachisgay · 1 year
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i wish there was some nuance between "everyone has to love the word queer" and "if you don't like it you are a terf automatically". because the reality is i don't identify with the word queer and i never have. as a kid i was aware of it as a slur and as a teenager i started to understand it in an academic concept first (as in Queer Theory) but i didn't identify with it because in my mind it was like, a clinical, academic word. and then later as i got older it became an increasingly prevalent point of conflict around me.
im not arguing that terfs dont dislike queer as a group term, though speaking from a british perspective the majority of them here are very focused on removing the T from LGBT over arguing about queer as a term at all, so it doesnt really feel like a particularly important form of conflict over what is a very targeted erasure of trans identity Specifically.
and thats kind of partially why i struggle to identify with the term Queer. it is not specific. it does not describe or capture my identity. lately i have found much more identity in words like fag, faggot, transexual, which do relate directly to my specific identities and have a very long history in the community. and additionally, won't get fuckin sold back to me by coke.
like that's really all Queer feels like to me now, something that has now been packaged up as an easily marketable buzzword to be printed on t-shirts at Primark or used meaninglessly by Disney to pretend they care. it does not refer to the aspects of my identity that matter to me, it's not something that i ever claimed for myself, and now i am continually getting told that if i don't identify with it im bigoted against myself and my siblings.
"queer was reclaimed by everyone, it was reclaimed in the 80s". i actually don't feel like someone else gets to decide this for me? im not going to lie and pretend it was never used as part of the campaign for equality for decades and decades, it obviously has a crucial place in history, but now in popular culture it has become like. ubiquitous.
like ive said before i think words like fag and dyke can be used in a way that reflects our communal family and is a sign of camaraderie and that's also true of queer, but with those words it's extremely understandable when someone isn't comfortable with them and when someone doesn't want to identify with queer it's treated as a sign they're in the wrong.
idk this is so far from being a crucial issue it's barely worth talking about but i just really struggle with being told that i am in the wrong because i have my own complicated feelings about a word with a complicated history. in the grand scheme of things it's NOT that important but it does grate on my nerves to be told that theres zero room for any kind of debate or alternate opinion in this. like i just wish we didn't have to be so black and white as if the issue has no grey area or room for personal expression at all.
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#do i feel guilty abt spending like 4+hrs working on my CV during normal work hours today? yes#but also i spent 5 months getting paid part time when i was working 10+hr days 6 days a week#so i feel like it balances out#also i need to update my cv as things happen bc i instantly forget so many things i do#like i forgot i was named on at least 1 publication. like completely forgot until i searched my name on google scholar#also i have like 25 posters/presentations to my name. and only like maybe 5 of those are ones that r just in name#ive given a lot of talks/poster presentations lol#my cv is so long. i prob should have shortened it more before i sent it to the dude im talking with#but like. idk im gonna meet him next week so like if i commit a little faux pas by sending a too long cv im sure its fine. hes already#interested enough to chat. and therefore i have to bust my ass preparing to meet with him#bc hes from the most prestigious uni ive contacted. so like really theres no way ill get in. but i will shamelessly try#god. ive gotta really study hard. like i mean i dont have to but ive been so burnt out for so long that ive been slipping when it comes to#hardcore academic stuff. like my memory of genetics and chem stuff is slipping. and generally i find it difficult to wrangle my thoughts in#a way that makes sense. so i really wanna be prepared to talk to him#lol my boss is gonna get back from Europe like hey ur gonna follow me to las vegas? and im gonna be like haha fuck that i dont wanna live#there. i am currently 1 foot out the door. im at the bus stop waiting for someone to give me the money for the science bus#give me funding to study cool stuff!!!!#ugh and i still need to look for more ppl to ask. like i want at least 2 or 3 US options on top of my 3 potential UK options#and like im really considering contacting some ppl in Germany bc like all the papers i look at are german. the germans are doing cool#cyanobacteria bullshit. and im jealous and i dont speak german but hey ive got a year to learn#so idk maybe ill see if my boss talked to anyone cool while she was at her conferences. pls boss tell me abt the other cool cyanobacteria#ppl 🙏 but idk. i feel like ppl dont quite get what im interested in. bc its astrobiology but really its more evolution and understanding#the fundamentals of life. so like no i dont wanna go to mars. i wanna understand what freaky shit life was doing millons if years ago#ugh. im being a slacker. ive gotta shift into try hard mode.#but also i wanna draw and finish my fanfics 😭 we'll see what happens#unrelated#also thank u to the ppl who sent kind words on my post yesterday! im still shadowbanned so i cant reply to u 😭
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h00nerz · 11 months
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bodybag!
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masterlist | 1k celebration
pairing: kang taehyun x gn!reader (slight park sunghoon x gn!reader)
genre: angst, fluff, college au, sort of academic rivals to lovers, tsundere!taehyun, jealous!taehyun
word count: 2.2k
warnings: none afaik, just taehyun being possessive
prompt(s): #33 — “i can’t pretend anymore.”, #34 — “you’re all i can think about”, #35 — “i am so very in love with you”, #36 — “it’s you. it’s always been you.” & #37 — “i cannot stand you, and yet, i cannot fathom being away from you.”
requested: “okok i wanna send in a request bcs this kind of drabble has been living in my brain and idk if anyone wrote smth like it before but anyway!! lines 33 through 37 would lowk be so good for a jealoustsundre!taehyun where he acts like he fr despises you, but he like overhears u talking abt going on a lil date he gets so upset and mad 🤭🤭 i lowk got this idea from that one video i dont remember where but taehyun held a drink and was talking to the camera and said like " got this for you but that doesnt mean i like you or anything" HES SO 🙏🙏” — anon
authors note: omg heyyy my first time writing for tyun i am so excited!! enemies 2 lovers again bc… yeah. anyways enjoy~~
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SO FAR, YOUR JUNIOR YEAR OF UNIVERSITY was proving to be the worst year of your life. You were finally starting to take classes more specific to your major, which meant things were starting to become a lot more serious. You didn’t have time to work anymore, and even though you had spent the whole summer leading up to the start of the semester working two jobs to have enough money for tuition, you were still barely managing to scrape by. 
Worst of all, though, was Kang Taehyun. 
Kang Taehyun was the bane of your existence. You had first met as freshmen at your university, in the same philosophy course, and you had immediately despised him--or rather, he despised you, and your hatred was just reactionary. It didn’t really matter, though, all that mattered was that he was a menace that made your life ten times harder than it needed to be. 
After that semester, you thought you’d never have to see him again. But, of course, fate had different plans for you. It turned out, Taehyun was pursuing the same major as you, which put you in multiple of the same classes by the time your junior year rolled around. By that point, it had been nearly two years since your last encounter, so you’d hoped he’d grown just a little bit since then. But, of course, he hadn’t.
Kang Taehyun had a vendetta against you that he wasn’t quite ready to let go of. 
Your last class of the day had finally let out, which meant it was time for you to head to the library. The night before, you had stayed up late pulling an all-nighter, and you really were not looking forward to another afternoon filled with studying, but if you wanted to make this deadline, you had no choice. 
With a sigh, you stood up from your seat, and were overcome with dread when you recognized a head of pink hair approaching you. “Not today, Taehyun. I am not in the mood.” You grumbled as you stuffed your laptop into your backpack, purposefully making sure not to even glance in his direction. 
“Yeah, obviously. You have a late night or something? It looked like you could barely stay awake the whole lecture.” He laughed at you, and now you finally looked over at him with narrowed eyes. “Jesus! You look like you just stepped off the set of The Walking Dead!” He exclaimed. 
Horror overcame you, as you realized just how bad your dark circles probably looked. “Shut up! I don’t look that bad!” You snapped at him, zipping your backpack shut so aggressively the zipper nearly broke off. “Even if I did, though, this is the face of someone who’s about to get an A on our midterm paper. So, ha.” 
Taehyun rolled his eyes, trailing after you as you exited the lecture hall. “Please. When I got Kai to review my paper, he said it, and I quote, ‘brought tears to his eyes’. It was that good. And I don’t look half as shitty as you do.” 
He was right. He didn’t look shitty at all. In fact, that was the most infuriating thing about Kang Taehyun. Even though he had shown time and time again that he had an ugly personality, his physical appearance was the opposite. Everything about Taehyun was perfect. His recently dyed hair, that was so fluffy atop his head it was reminiscent of cotton candy. His dark brown eyes that were simultaneously adorable as well as mysterious and inviting. You knew he worked out, he talked about it all the time, and it really showed. You hated him for being such a repulsive human inside of such an attractive body that must have been crafted by the gods themselves. 
“Probably because staring at his laptop screen and trying to decipher whatever bullshit you were spewing dried out his eyes.” You suggested. As you walked, you felt a yawn bubbling in the back of your throat, and as hard as you tried to suppress it, you were unsuccessful. 
“How late did you stay up last night? Really?” Taehyun asked, raising an eyebrow at you. For a brief second, you thought you saw a flash of something different, a flash of something human in his pretty brown eyes… But, you shook your head, positive that you had been imagining it, and sure enough, it disappeared.
“That’s none of your business.” You were quick to snap, quickening your pace in hopes of getting away from him. Instead, though, you ran straight into someone else, and knocked a couple of textbooks they were carrying onto the ground. 
“Oh no! I’m so sorry!” You immediately started apologizing, bending your knees so you could start to pick up the books. When you glanced forward, you felt your cheeks redden as you realized you had bumped into the Park Sunghoon, and the Park Sunghoon was looking at you with wide eyes. 
Park Sunghoon was, like, the star of your campus. He was the captain of the school’s extremely famous ice hockey team, which made him basically a celebrity on your campus. That combined with the fact that he had a face only someone blessed by Aphrodite herself could wield. So, for that perfect face to be just inches from your own right now has your stomach doing somersaults. 
“Oh. Hi, Y/N.” Sunghoon greeted you, and as the two of you finally stood, you blinked at him. 
“You—how—my name?” You stuttered out, staring at him like a deer caught in headlights. 
He furrowed his eyebrows together. “We had a class together last year, remember? You always sat in the row in front of me.” 
You slowly nodded. “Oh. Yeah. I’m surprised you remember that.” 
“How could I forget? You know, I always thought you were really pretty, Y/N.” He smiled at you, revealing his fang-like teeth, and you swore your heart stopped. 
There was loud coughing behind you, and when you glanced over your shoulder you were surprised to see Taehyun was still standing there. He was watching your interaction with Sunghoon with narrowed eyes, like he was contemplating murdering the ice hockey captain. You wondered if they had some kind of rivalry with one another, or maybe he was just irritated by him for the same reason he was irritated by you: just because.
You jerked your head to the side, trying to gesture for him to get out of there, but he stood in his place and looked as though he had no intentions of leaving. 
Deciding to ignore him, you looked back to Sunghoon, and flashed him a shy smile. “Really? You do?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him. 
He nodded. “Yeah, really. Um, I’ve gotta go, but if you wanna get coffee sometime…” His voice trailed off, as he pulled a marker out of his backpack. You thought your heart was going to literally beat out of your chest when he uncapped the marker and started writing on your wrist. “There’s my number.” He grinned at you, and you watched in awe as he backed up and walked away. 
Once he was out of earshot, you turned around to face Taehyun, a big smirk befalling your lips. “I guess Park Sunghoon is into The Walking Dead!” You announced triumphantly, like you had just beat him in a game of sorts. 
He didn’t react, though, still wearing the same, ticked off expression from earlier. 
“What? What’s your problem?” You furrowed your eyebrows, and suddenly he snatched up the same wrist Sunghoon had just written on. “Hey! What the hell?”
“I need to talk to you.” He said in a low voice. 
“Then let go of me and let’s talk!” You hissed, trying to break free of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go.
He shook his head. “Not here. Follow me.” Unfortunately, he didn’t give you much of a choice, as he started dragging you through the great big hallway of bustling students. Eventually, he found an empty classroom and pulled you inside, shutting the door behind the both of you.
Finally, he let go of you, and you immediately stepped away from him, reaching up to rub your sore wrist. “What the hell was that, Taehyun?!” You demanded, practically spitting in his face. 
“I told you. I need to talk to you.” He repeated himself.
You rolled your eyes. “So then talk! I have places to be, I don’t have time for this!”
“Oh, like coffee with Park Sunghoon?” He spat, his voice laced with venom. 
“Maybe! Doesn’t matter, because who I hang out with is none of your business!” You jabbed a finger, and he once again caught hold of your wrist, holding you in place. 
“Listen to me, Y/N. I’m only going to say this once.” He warned you, and although you wanted so badly to fight him and get out of that stupid classroom, you were also desperate to hear what he had to say. He let out what sounded like a sigh of defeat, and he hung his head loose in front of you. He mumbled something unintelligible, and you raised an eyebrow. 
“What did you say?”
“I said I can’t pretend anymore!” He exclaimed, and the sudden outburst caught you off guard as you took a step back. 
“What do you mean…?” You asked quietly, but there was a small part of you who knew the answer to your own question already. 
He let go of your wrist, reaching up to run a hand through his strawberry colored hair. “You know, Y/N… I can’t stand you. And yet…”
“Yet…?”
“I can’t… I can’t fathom being away from you.” His pretty brown eyes finally gazed up to meet your own, and you realized his face had become almost as pink as his hair. Your own cheeks started to heat up at the sudden confession. “Ever since our first class together, you’re all I can think about. Y/N…”
He took a step closer, and you didn’t know why you didn’t back away. Instead you stood still, allowing him to gently take your hands into his own. “As much as it pains me to admit it… I am so very in love with you.” 
You blinked at him. “Y-You are?” You whispered, and he nodded. Kang Taehyun, the pretty boy who had been tormenting you in your classes, who you swore you hated, was in love with you?! It sounded made up. And yet… It made a lot of things start to make sense. 
“Which is why you can’t go out with some idiot like Park Sunghoon.” He pressed.
You frowned. “He’s not an idiot!” You snapped at him, finally gaining the sense to pull your hands from his. “And--And you can’t just spring this confession onto me! You’re probably just trying to distract me because midterms are happening, and--and you want to be the top of the class!”
He rolled his eyes. “No, Y/N, I don’t--”
“Yeah! And you’re just going to--to pretend you love me, and then get me to realize my own feelings, and then right when I start to fall for you, you’ll rip my heart out of my chest, and--” 
Before you could finish your ramblings, Taehyun was cupping your face and connecting his lips to your own. You let out a soft gasp in surprise, frozen for a moment, because Kang freaking Taehyun was kissing you. This was absolutely not what was supposed to happen! But… Something about it felt so right. It was like your body had a mind of its own as you relaxed under his touch, kissing him back with as much passion as he had offered you. 
He pushed you forward until you stumbled back onto one of the desks set up in the classroom, and you gasped again when his hands slid under your thighs to lift you up onto it. Your fingers laced themselves in his pink hair, which was surprisingly soft for having been recently dyed. He was kissing you hungrily, like you were his first meal in days, and he couldn’t get enough of you. 
He was kissing you like he was in love with you. 
After what felt like an eternity, he was forced to pull away from the kiss to catch his breath, and you found yourself chasing after his lips. He smiled down at you, and you felt his fingers brush against your cheek as he gently tucked a loose strand of your hair away. 
“I’m not lying to you, Y/N. This isn’t some cruel trick to make you fail. It’s you. It’s always been  you.” 
You smiled. “You really mean it?” He nodded. “Hmm… I’m not sure I believe you… I think I’m going to give Sunghoon a call…” You lifted your wrist to look at the numbers, unsurprised to see the ink had smeared after Taehyun dragged you into the room.
The color drained from his face. “What? Are you serious? I confess my love, and--and you’re going to call Sunghoon?!” He stared at you in disbelief. 
You tried your best to keep a poker face, but were unable to fight back the laughter for very long. “I’m joking, idiot! Holy shit, you should have seen your face!” You began to cackle loudly, but Taehyun was quick to shut you up with another kiss. 
Maybe the rest of the year wouldn’t be so bad after all.
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permanent tag list: @jakeshands @therealhyunjingf @exohclipse @ttyunz @naveries @mazeinthemoon @luvsoobs @n0-thisispatrick @arizzu @dewyboi @yeonboy
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