lexpressobean

[lexpressobean]

◾️ zwarte piet is racisme // black pete is racist ◾️

where i’m from, Sinterklaas is celebrated today; a winter holiday like Christmas, but imagine instead of jolly elves giving you presents and bringing you joy, it’s white people in blackface - Zwarte Piet, a racist caricature.

because of this, late november - early december is Hell for black people in the Netherlands and Belgium. you walk down the street seeing white people doing blackface minstrelsy, you grow up seeing tons of blackface imagery in stores or on TV, and the conversation on whether or not its racist is being dominated by complete disregard to the Dutch colonial & slavery history. 

while changes are being made (slowly), the amount of gaslighting and racist violence black people and POC here have to endure is draining and traumatizing. “it’s for the kids!” they say, but i’ve seen first hand how it has negatively impacted black kids in my family, making them question their place in society, myself included. black activists have campaigned against the tradition and those speaking out have been beaten and harassed by both the police and the far-right. and yes, this happens in a country that prides itself on being sooooo tolerant.

it should not take that much effort to change a “fun, family friendly holiday tradition for kids” in such a way that is inclusive for EVERYONE - in a way that remains fun and pleasant without harming others, especially marginalized folks.  today i wanted to speak up and use my platform in hopes to educate, spread awareness and advocate for change.

#reblog #reblog: hey guys

[lexpressobean]

Friendly reminder that no matter how much you think you like a celebrity or a popular tumblr user or someone in close proximity to you irl

Being Good at Something

does not mean

that person is Inherently a Good Person.

They are still a stranger. And if you don’t know someone personally, you cannot honestly judge their character. Just their actions and appearances.

If you do not know someone personally, you cannot honestly judge their character. Just their actions and appearances.

#lextalkstothevoid #i can probably explain more but i won't #it's mad boi hours #kinda like sad boi hours #but instead of wanting to cry #i want to fight someone #multiple people even im so goddamn awake #i also really fucking hate fanatic and fan behavior #there is something so infuriatingly pathetic about giving your all to defend your object of obsession #while trying to destroy someone else for something as trivial as having a slightly different opinion #the kicker is that no one in that scenario has ever met and probably never will #like what is that

[lexpressobean]

#reblog #reblog: hey guys #i literally felt a disturbance in the force today and i didn't know why #now i know lol

[lexpressobean]

Ha already fucked up. I’m gonna try to organize things little by little please bear with me if I accidentally spam or something

also thinking of making a focused sideblog while I’m at it hmmmmm

#lextalkstothevoid

[lexpressobean]

i think anyone who’s every used the internet has seen this picture at least once

#reblog #tumblr things #internet things #this is actually pretty cool #ahhhhhhh gonna really clean out my likes this week #i think it's finaly time

[lexpressobean]

Anyway, had a very fun, busy and interesting weekend! A lot of firsts for me, and also a great break from school for sure! I’m always happy to spend more time with a friend <3

#lextalkstothevoid #i guess it was what some people call an adventure #'cause all things considered it really felt like one haha!

[lexpressobean]

Can you add the 'read more' to your longer posts please and thank you. It's just a bit of Tumblr courtesy for people scrolling on mobile

If you go to your dashboard settings there is literally an option to toggle that automatically shortens all "long posts" for you. Last I checked mobile has it as well, though I don't use mobile anymore.

Hope this helps. Feel free to block me if it doesn't.

#i won't be going thru my old posts any time soon lol #i haven't really made any real fan posts for 2 months it feels like? #ah well can't please everybody

[lexpressobean]

gonna start tagging this shit as #lextalkstothevoid. i need to vent some

i apologize in advance

i can’t tell if my friends see me as this “good” person because i’ve never had a serious argument with any of them like i use to have with an old friend who’s no longer a part of my life as of this month. i knew her for over fifteen years.

the people i call friends now don’t know me as intimately as she did, and yet, just within the year we cut ties, i found myself avoiding her just to be with them. we cut ties because i was honest and tried my best to communicate what i was feeling. she decided i had become too cold and she couldn’t understand where i was coming from despite me pouring my heart out. my mistake was trying to keep distance with a tether. we all know it’s best to walk away at some point, and that point for me was quite a while ago, but she was my best friend since i was 13. it. was. hard. but now the thing i thought i didn’t want to happen happened anyway.

the event that set everything in motion was definitely her doing tho. she not only lied to me (as I found out a year later), but she twisted my words around and attacked my character. it was like she was looking for a reason to fight with me, yet when i stood my ground and i pointed out the facts, she tried to take back her instigation and didn’t want to talk about it. but you don’t get that upset for no reason, and i really couldn’t understand why she did in that moment. and when she finally told me her reason, it was such an exaggeration of a reaction, both in my opinion and objectively.

now i’ve just been thinking and thinking, since i don’t have access to a therapist, i have to figure some shit out. because even if we’re never gonna speak again, that’s actually fine by me. and even if it wasn’t, it’d have to be.

and all i really got is that we simply grew up into different types of people...

which is a very generic blanket like statement. she’s called me cold, and heartless, and scary. i know anyone else in my life would disagree.

but i guess, she had some resentment building up that she never talked to me about. because she never talked about how she really felt unless it was a positive thing. maybe she didn’t like when i told her her things honestly, because sometimes honesty hurts or is unpleasant. maybe she thought i was too honest. maybe she didn’t like that i was so safe about my business. maybe she didn’t say it out loud, but to her, i was a complete downer because of these things. maybe she didn’t think i was fun anymore. maybe she didn’t like a lot of things about me, but she never told me these things upfront

she probably didn’t because then why would we still be friends if she didn’t like me? i think about it more still, and i realized i was her only friend. i was the outgoing one and she didn’t make much of an effort to make new friends. i wasn’t cold, i just didn’t indulge her temper tantrums or pity-parties. i wasn’t heartless, we just had different priorities/opinions and i didn’t agree necessarily with everything she did or said. and i needed someone on the outside to tell me this, but i wasn’t scary. when you don’t give anyone a reason to be scared of you, but someone is still sacred of you anyway, the reason is because they’re usually up to something, and if it has to do with you, they’re scared that you’re going to catch on. they’re scared because they’re lying to you, or tricking you, or trying to play you. that’s what someone told me, because here i was, thinking i must’ve had some crazy anger management issues i needed to control, when others told me i managed all my emotions just fine. one went on to point out i wouldn’t have come this far in my career if i couldn’t since i work so intimately with people...

all it took was one person of romantic interest for her to stop giving a fuck about me completely. i used to be her shoulder to cry on, and suddenly nothing but updates about how her life was going so great while she blocked out anything else. and when i needed her to show me she still cared, told her that i felt like she didn’t care about me anymore. her response was that she knew i hadn’t been at my best... and yet she never bothered to check in and really try to help me out, even if it was to just support me... she claimed to not understand me, but now it just seems like she just didn’t want to.

she was no longer someone who was good for me. she doesn’t care about me anymore. but i know she did a long time ago. and if there was something i didn’t take into account, that honest to god slipped my mind, i wouldn’t know. i don’t know what i did to make her feel how she does now. but even if the change of her feelings was my fault, she never communicated with me and just acted so unnecessarily passive-aggressive. maybe she was more afraid of being hated than being honest with her feelings. maybe i just didn’t want to be hated either once i realized we had grown apart. i still cared at the time, even if it hurt.

now it’s hard to care. i feel more angry than anything, but not so much with her than with myself. i doubted myself all this time, thinking i was to blame for it all. but she really was just a liar with no friends left. and now she’s with someone romantically that probably shares her views and her mentality and likes her just the way she is. and that’s great for her.

i don’t wish anyone ill. it takes two to tango, as they say. i just don’t know why she couldn’t be honest from the beginning. all this time wasted trying to salvage something that couldn’t be.

... sometimes it’s not the lack of communication. it’s just a tired situation that can’t be fixed...

#lextalkstothevoid #i just need a place to vent for a bit #school and hospital visits and obligations and people really testing my patience and feeling like my friends must all secretly hate me #they don't i'm just fragile even tho i hate to admit it #and the people i call friends now don't argue with me #because we actually ALL communicate #they make me so happy and i don't want to be lied to anymore #i'd rather someone punch my face and break my nose than lie to me saying i didn't upset them when i did #we're adults now dammit and i'm feeling like dumbass little kid again i hate it here #i tried my best and some things i'll never know and i just have to accept that

[lexpressobean]

you learn something new every day i just learned about the limacodid slug caterpillar and i am obsessed

#reblog #bugs #super cute and friend shaped!! #but apparently this family is actually poisonous lmfao #deceit

[lexpressobean]

In other news, wow, look at that. In just one week I'm out of the yellow and back in the green. I hope everyone else did well but I seriously will waste no more time with study groups...

#tis i #i promise i'm not anti-social #pretty asocial ngl #but i believe in quality over quantity anyway #this applies to social interactions as well hahahaha!! #i apologize in advance

[lexpressobean]

I think the reason Shino is so gender to me is because as far as the Prep/Goth/Jock/Nerd chart game goes he's literally just flirting with the Goth aesthetic while keeping it Jock for the most part. Which makes sense, he's a ninja which is a very active and physical occupation.

In Naruto he's always looked a little more Jock with Goth tendencies aesthetically, even if he acts more like a Nerd with Prep tendencies. More specifically he looks plausibly like a Hypebeast, which could make sense as he really likes a lot of layers and would also logically have the money haha. And in Shippuden, he leans into the Goth a bit more with his full black outfit, but his green jacket offsets it and gives him a less Goth vibe. He's lacking accessories, (which I think Goth and Prep have a general affinity for just in different ways) and the articles of clothing are baggy but still very Hypebeast, and I'm just assuming his top is sleevless. Yet, I don't think Shino would even care all the much to flaunt his wealth, he'd just like the quality and how comfortable it is haha. In more casual settings, we still see him layering and both outfits are not truly Goth/Alt looks, but they really do scream "easy to move around in and fight at a moments notice".

Shino doesn't have the luxury to heavily accessorize as it wouldn't serve a purpose on a day to day, but if those star glasses and that red jacket in Boruto are any indication, he would probably LOVE to. He's just trying to be good and keep errors to a minimum but I bet Shino would totally love to accessorize and wear more fashionable clothing, even something more flashy. And it wouldn't necessarily be Goth oriented but I think he'd pull off the Goth aesthetic pretty well in canon if he wanted to? Maybe not Visual Kei level but dark Hypebeast Street Fashion lol

I know most would deem him a Prep or a Hipster more than a Goth. Which is fair as is his personality, but I really think given the chance Shino would dress up rather than dress down, because I think he'd actually enjoy dressing up. He doesn't get to do it very often and I wonder if at least as an adult he'd let himself do just that on a day off.

#shino aburame #aburame shino #naruto #lex rambles #one could argue Sai and Torune are very goth #and that Temari and Karin are pretty Goth in one way for form #it's just that Shino's style is very much my kind of style #like 85% #just not in a Hypebeast kind of way I don't have that kind of money lmfao

[lexpressobean]

People have told me that I would make a great instructor in the future. That after I work my field for a sum amount of time, I should teach. That I have the "personality" for it as well. But I don't think so. I don't think I could do that, I do not have enough patience. My patience runs very thin these days, despite what others think. I'm just good at words and excusing myself before I snap. My study group drives me fucking insane and I'm better off studying alone and I am going to do just that from now on tbh because I can't be the group tutor every damn time.

I think I've lost just enough touch with my inner child to no longer relate things or remember what it was like to learn difficult things. Once I "got it" I rolled with it and never looked back.

And then (of course) I thought about Shino and how he struggles with teaching in Boruto. All the main kids consider him boring and he's trying so hard but it keeps blowing up in his face. These dumb lil tweens are such jerks, and middle school kids are the frickin worst.

But he still tries, because he wants to teach. It's what he wants to do so he keeps trying to be better. And even though he was always trying to act more mature as a kid himself, maybe Shino does still remember. Maybe Shino is still very in touch with his inner child, as wounded as it may be. Or maybe, more realistically, he more or less recently connected to it, and that's kind of what drives him to stay being a teacher.

Seriously, teachers are taken for granted and deal with so much sometimes. It takes someone who is upstanding and really cares to be a true teacher who does their job well, and someone dedicated to keep trying.

I love him so much. Couldn't be me tho. Maybe it's also because Shino really does like people a good amount despite his hesitations and self proclaimed "shyness". I don't hate people, I'm just selective with my time and engergy when socializing isn't part of an obligation, I guess, and that's okay too.

#tis i #i feel like its a waste of my time and I need to make better use of my own time #i feel my grade has suffered thus far because I was being depended on too much to make the information more digestible #like it's not MY JOB #think for yourselves im outta here #stay stuck I need to move on #ugh #then I feel guilty but if I don't detach now I won't be able to bounce back... #maybe if my cohorts actually helped me understand the material that's actually new and didn't ask me to explain basic shit #we learned these things earlier in the curriculum my dude. where the fuck were you and why are you so behind................

[lexpressobean]

The Middle

I wrote and illustrated this story as a birthday present for my partner, I hope you enjoy it!

#reblog #i looooove this #super cute and wholesome ;w;

[lexpressobean]

sometimes I do things like light incense sticks in my room to calm me down when i'm stressed 'cause it works, it's very distracting

but out of nowhere i'll get blorbo thoughts like "oh wait actually shino probably wouldn't like things like incense or scented candles" :(

i'm sure they'd irritate him more than anything. yeah, he'd probably relax by wasting his physical energy somehow, a walk on a long, familiar path followed by brain buster type activities? like crosswords or 'find the difference' pages. least i think so.

#tis i #im kinda sorta going thru it #that's what i get for going back for my rn i guess #everything's going a bit faster than I was anticipating ;;;;; #oh well gotta roll with it i don't got a choice #also the absolute vise grip this boy and his clan have me in

[lexpressobean]

#1: shikatema which I do like a lot in its own way #2: konohamaru/hanabi maybe tho not heavily invested #3: narusasu sakulee and kakagai like... mainly these three here... #4: not my sad and obsessive ass shipping shino and the beekeeper as my shino otp ship cuz of all the relentless brain worms of it all #also: shipping hinata and ino in the softest sweetest most healing way possible for me personally as both their OTPs cuz that's just me lol #5: narushino and tematen as my favorite (and cuter?) crack ships but kankiba shippers have a GREAT sense of humor too! #kotetsu/izumo also writes itself to be honest but they're also cute and fun haha #reblog #naruto #let it be known i don't put THAT much emphasis on shipping all things considered #i talk about more it cuz as far as characterization goes there's lots i'd like to touch on but dont feel like i can confidently yet #side note: still mad at the anime rendition of the beekeeper #like the book's beekeeper is sooooo much better. so much better. in every way possible

[lexpressobean]

When ShinoHina is taking place, Kiba is their biggest supporter. He sees it happening before they even get the chance to let feelings register, since they're both so naive in that sense. Kiba is aware Hinata "likes" Naruto and Shino is stubborn as hell, but Kiba's constantly trying to keep himself from saying something when they have a moment or don't hit the bullseye. A lot of the time he's just vibrating as he watches them haha. Eventually he sits Shino down and gives him a brutally honest pep talk (because otherwise Shino won't listen) and he'll try to gently nudge Hinata into really thinking about her feelings. He really adores his dumb friends and wants them go steady already!!

When KibaHina is developong, Shino won't notice until Kiba starts making comments and remarks about Hinata more consistently. Then he actually enters Protective Big Brother Mode and somewhat guards Hinata because to him, it's Kiba, and that can't lead to anything good. Hinata is still oblivious because she's still watching Naruto, of course, and Kiba's extroverted demeaner makes her nervous, but it's not a bad nervous?? However, the more Kiba drops his inflated bravado and gets sincere, the more Shino is moved by how... sweet it is. It's a bit surprising, but Shino starts offering support and encouragement. He still gets on Kiba's case if he gets a little carried away. Shino isn't one to meddle as far as nudging Hinata, but for someone who tends to wear her emotions on her face, she really tries to keep her secrets a secret. She's not very good at it but Shino doesn't push if she doesn't open up first.

But when ShinoKiba is a thing, I don't know why I find it so funny for Hinata to be oblivious to the fact there's like... something going on there. Hinata gives me "sheltered conservative good little girl" vibes in the sense that she probably wouldn't even know being gay was a thing until she was older-older. Like, gay people don't exist, it's not even a thought to her. No one talks about it. Kiba would know what he was feeling first and Shino might pick it up sooner or later, but definitely after Kiba. I like to pretend Shino actually knows more than he ever lets on but he just might be on the same boat as Hinata?? Kiba knowing Hinata doesn't suspect a thing might try to casually run things by her and get her opinion because he doesn't have Shino's ability to keep his mouth shut on things. She would just notice Kiba was more irritated some days and Shino might be more noticeably distant after she got used to him being more around and open. Yet, she'd never guess it's cause they were sorting feelings out between themselves. I feel like some of the others might catch on faster than Hinata. And I just know it'd be Tenten being her snarky self and talking shit like she does who makes Hinata rethink the last sum amount of years and realize the secret and still budding relationship right under her nose. But then she'd get so excited and so delighted by the thought of her two best friends becoming an item! And assuming they weren't together yet, she would be so cute trying to play cupid for her boys. She trys to be coy about it but she's still too easy to read, bless her heart. Kiba finds it more amusing than anything and maybe plays off of it a bit at times. Shino, as stubborn as he is, would be forced to fully acknowledge there is in fact a thing going on between him and Kiba, but finds Hinata's enthusiasm comforting in a way. Encouraging even. Hinata would be the warm sunlight the ShinoKiba flower was missing to fully bloom, d'awwww.

#shino aburame #aburame shino #kiba inuzuka #inuzuka kiba #hyuuga hinata #hinata hyuuga #team 8 #dai-hachi-han #they're just such an oddball group ya know? #i do like hinata but she definitely is a hit or miss in what she can pick up on and what she cant #and as a cancer sun i feel kiba is characterized so appropriately in the anime #he's not stupid he's just (probably) an aries rising lol #but he has a good 6th sense that guy #i will die on the hill of team 8 all sharing Cancer in their 'Big 3s' #hinata is a cancer rising and shino is a cancer moon to kiba's cancer sun and i will gladly fight anyone about it #im pretty sure no one is gonna fight me about it but it still stands XD

[lexpressobean]

and a happy birthday to a new year and new beginnings :)

#reblog #might guy #might dai #naruto #happy birthday best sensei ;v;