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caligvlasaqvarivm · 15 days

Note

ik you mentioned interest in writing out how you'd prefer homestuck ended (though obviously time and money makes that impossible lol), and you touched on it in your big eridan essay at the end, but would you ever consider maybe a more detailed outline? i really enjoy your thoughts on the characters and the abandoned plotlines, i'd love to get a little more of an in depth look at how you wish it went down.

Yeah sure!

For those who aren't sure what the hell I'm talking 'bout, please check out my blog and the various essays I've been writing.

Some of it is contingent on stuff I kind of still need to reread so I'm really sorry to the alpha kid likers but I'm still not totally 100% sure where I want to take them. I'm also going to include quite a few personal preference ships; I'm not interested in arguing what other people should ship or about arguing about the course of action for my dumb fanfic in general. I also tend to discover the plot I want while I'm writing it, which I don't have the luxury of here, so... some of it is going to be kind of sloppy. I'm also a big troll stan so unfortunately the kids are a little bit neglected (sorry!!!!). That said.

So the changes would take place directly after GAME OVER, which is personally the point at which I think the truncation/turning on the fanbase really starts - ships start to get turbo-sped at that point. I'm not even saying I dislike JohnRoxy or JohnRezi, but they just feel oddly rushed the way they're handled in the comic itself. IMO, anyway.

There's not too much I would rearrange during this interstitial segment; I think it's important for Jade to have the experience of loneliness, for Terezi to kick off the retcons by only feeling comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Moreover, there's no reason why other characters can't use her mind beacon abilities to ask John to rearrange the timeline, though their attempts, because they aren't backed by Seer of Mind abilities, are a lot sloppier and come with a lot more unforseen consequences.

But something I would change is that Roxy's deal with Nyx is not to just kind of... sit back and chill in non-space while John does all the work; instead, like Rose in Davesprite's timeline, Nyx puts her to sleep, and when the timeline ceases to be, GameOver!Roxy's memories get transferred to Past!Roxy via her dreamself (which wakes up early), fulfilling a "stealing from void for others" aspect of her abilities, and leads to some important interactions later on down the line.

Also, this timeline's ARquiussprite and Gamzee's corpse (heretofore referred to as (ARquiussprite) and (Gamzee)) need to come along for the ride somehow. Maybe they fall through the sky after LOLAR crashes into LOFAF.

This kicks off a series of retcons, as each troll that gets brought back successively asks for another troll/set of trolls to be brought back. This absolutely RIDDLES Act 5 with password pages, can't go two steps without running into a password page, there are password pages within password pages (which IMO is very funny and very Homestuck).

Meanwhile, a couple other plots are running concurrently - the GameOver!crew (heretofore referred to as (Name)) are now in the dream bubbles, completing their character arcs and preparing to defeat LE. Because time and space are weird in the Furthest Ring, every successive meteor trip that occurs as a result of John's retcons is the first time from the point of view of the meteor, but is a repeating event from the point of view of the people in the bubbles - eg those dead god tier Eridan and Feferi wind up healing the Mayor like seven times from their perspective.

(Aradia) is fluttering her ASS off to make sure everyone is in the right "place" at the right "time" for this, lmfao.

Roxy gaining future memories also means that the Alpha kids get to complete their arcs in a way they weren't able to prior to Game Over. Because what John's retcons are doing are functionally whiting out and redrawing the past, the Alpha kids are also only seeing a single linear timeline.

One last arc, which is running concurrent to the retconned!trolls and their new meteor trips, is that bringing back each successive character allows them ALL to grow a little more. So it is NOT like they bring back Vriska, and now everyone's problem are fixed and everything is fine; Vriska's still kind of awful, but she gets better after Tavros gets brought back and they have to character develop alongside each other, and same when Aradia and Sollux get brought back, so on and so on. Because it's about BEING FRIENDS and BEING A TEAM. They're all still having interpersonal problems right up until ALL of them get brought back.

But as a side effect of this and the questing done by the GameOver!crew, the Dancestors get more fully utilized as foils, and get their problems addressed. As the retcon!team goes through their character development, they start to tear the Dancestors apart, because the Dancestors represent shitty parents who force their kids to clean up after their messes, and refuting them works both literally and symbolically as rejecting their irresponsible way of being in lieu of responsibility, accountability, empathy, and compassion.

So here's the series of retcons, and the absolute bullshit that accompanies each decision:

Terezi asks John to save Vriska, and prevent herself from getting too spades with Gamzee, as these are her two greatest regrets.

Pretty much just what her canon iteration asked for; I don't see any problems with the actions she asks John to do for her.

HOWEVER, we'd get more than just a montage of Vriska's time on the meteor, because in this version of events, we're taking our time and letting plot points breathe. Neither does she magically fix everything just by being around when she's very much herself still going thru it by the time the Meteor trip pops off. In any case, she brings with her some new complications:

Karkat still winds up having to play moirail and keep Gamzee calm. This still ends up breaking down by the halfway point of the comic, because they're kind of just not good for each other, but Karkat's personal shitty relationships are going to become A Theme, so it's important to make note of it here.

Vriska and Terezi don't fully make up on this iteration of the trip, since from Terezi's point of view, she was still actively about to kill Vriska before John intervened; however, we get more hints, now that they have to spend three years together, that not only does Vriska really miss Terezi (which is pretty well-established, given how she can't seem to leave Terezi alone), but Terezi actually misses Vriska, too - she's just really bad at separating her own feelings and desires from her instinctive grasp of karma and justice, a very Mind player-type problem to have.

At least with Vriska around, Terezi's able to nip her Gamzee habit in the bud, but this kind of leads to Gamzee feeling worse and more alone.

Something Really Messy happens between Vriska, Rose, and Kanaya when Rose starts her drinking habit, and it's pretty toxic for all involved, and Karkat is kind of stuck playing auspice. Vriska already expresses not liking Rose much and develops some flushed feelings for Kanaya after being watching her murder Eridan, so "It's Really Messy" is kind of all I can say on the matter. The girls are fightiiinnnnggggg

Dave and Terezi get close again, but given the weirdo vibes he notices between her and Vriska, and the fact that he's really not down with quadrants (YET.), means they still end up not getting together.

Sorry DaveKat likers but I am not one. They do not ever get together, so if you are hoping for that, I am sorry and you don't have to keep reading if you don't want to, it's OK.

On a note about Vriska and Terezi - personally, I do think their moirallegiance is endgame; Vriska clearly misses her terribly, constantly trying to bug her into making the Scourge Sisters a Thing again, and she even expresses feeling really bad about the Team Charge Debacle to Terezi explicitly, before directly foreshadowing how awful Terezi will feel after killing Vriska:

AG: Cause even though you got all these highfalutin morals and fancy reserv8tions, you know as well as me that a killer is a killer is a killer! AG: There 8n't no ch8nging your ways for good, and one d8y you're going to flail that silly l8ttle cane of yours and not find n8thin to 8ump into, and fall f8ce first into the shit ag8in. AG: And you're going to do something t8rri8le to some8ody and wish you could t8ke it 8ack 8ut you c8n't!!!!!!!! AG: And then you'll work hard to win 8ack their trust, and you'll try and try and tr8, and you'll see how hard it is! AG: You'll seeeeeeee!

We know that she starts using 8's where they don't make sense phonetically when she gets really agitated, so it's pretty safe to say that she's displaying genuine emotional distress here. When combined with the way she tells John about feeling absolutely horri8le about killing Tavros, it's pretty clear she's genuine about feeling really bad about the Team Charge debacle, and sincere about wanting to somehow make amends and get back into Terezi's good graces, at times trying rivalry, at times trying to prove that she's trying to fix her mistakes.

Terezi also vehemently denies them having a kismesistude and directly mirrors Vriska's hesitance about all the murder:

GC: W3 4R3 SUPPOS3D TO R3V3L 1N BLOODSH3D 4S W3 GROW UP GC: 4ND SH3 S33MS TO B3 3MBR4C1NG H3R R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 W1TH R3CKL3SS 4B4NDON, 4S 1 WOULD 3XP3CT GC: GR4BB1NG TH3 BULL BY TH3 HORNS, SO TO SP34K GC: 1TS 4 L1TTL3 1NT1M1D4T1NG GC: B3C4US3 1M NOT SUR3 1F 1M R34DY FOR TH4T

AG: On my world, I would 8e completely vindic8ed for killing him! He is far lower on the hemospectrum than me. He managed to disrespect me time and time again, 8ut I kept letting him live! In fact, the amount of slack I cut him would 8e considered scandalous 8y those in my class. AG: I had every reason to kill him. And yet... AG: I feel 8ad a8out it like a lame weak fudge8lood, just like he was. AG: And the fact that I feel 8ad is why I'm sort of freaking out right now!

They're basically two toxic girls who CANNOT be honest with their real feelings, and wind up hurting each other. They need therapy badly, but given the fact that they also mirror each other positively - Terezi feels grateful to Vriska for blinding her, and Vriska mentions she ought to thank Terezi for killing her, which set her up on a date with the dead John Terezi also killed - I think they have a lot of potential to be genuinely kind to each other once they work through their individual issues.

Anyway. We're keeping the Roxy stuff under wraps for now - last we saw of her, she went to go see her denizen, and her planet exploded, and John was really bummed about it. HOWEVER, we are going to check in with our GameOver!crew, although only lightly for now:

Meenah and (Vriska) have fully disappeared, and (Tavros), (Nepeta), and (Feferi) are looking for them because they've got the FUCKING TREASURE???

Everyone else from the Game Over timeline has landed in the afterlife, to varying degrees.

Shortly after entering the afterlife, (Eridan) fucked off somewhere to be alone. Last anyone heard from him was (ghost!Sollux) and him being Erisolsprite, but neither (ghost!Sollux) nor (alive!Sollux) have seen him since Erisolsprite died in Game Over.

(Karkat) is also brooding off on his own, feeling really shitty and sorry for himself. He's always felt personally responsible for everything going wrong for his team, and now that his team is basically entirely dead, he feels extra shitty.

Mostly just setting up that these guys are still relevant to the story, despite now being (irrelevant).

That brings us to the second retcon. Vriska obviously had great regrets about killing Tavros, both pre- and post-retcon, so she asks for his death to be prevented.

Tavros is back.

Vriska's requested fix is a very simple one - after all, Karkat makes mention about how Vriska's always had a competitive streak with Terezi, admiring/being jealous of her ability to manipul8 people; I think an ultimate culmination of that is her insisting that insisting to John that he do a retcon to stop her from killing Tavros - which, as covered above, she regrets greatly - but to do a much sloppier job of it, simply having John pop into [S] Wake and knock Tavros the fuck out.

Vriska herself doesn't believe this will have any unintended side effects, because her opinion of Tavros is still really low despite her genuine desire to make amends, and she's wrong.

Tavros's stay on the meteor has a major effect on Gamzee. I'm not entirely sure how it would pan out exactly, but I think Gamzee would step in between Dave and Tavros, into a situation none of them are happy with. This starts Tavros on a path of realizing that his inability to stand up for himself not only hurts him, but people he cares about (Gamzee, whom he ghosted).

Vriska is mostly uninterested in Tavros now, as the moment has kind of passed, and Terezi keeps getting on her ass about going after him (which brings the two of them closer).

Previous Messy romantic situations are still active. Karkat is going thru it.

Dave feels bad about tormenting Tavros but he kind of can't help himself, especially because Tavros keeps going up to him for some reason. The fact that he gets trapped in an auspice with Tavros and Gamzee kind of reinforces that he does NOT vibe with troll quadrants. Dave becomes MORE xenophobic.

On a note regarding Gamzee and Tavros: while I generally try to avoid relying on Hussie's commentary too much, as he likes to play his cards close to his chest, his note about Gamzee in the Act 5 book is actually significant enough to me to include:

The best explanation for why Gamzee says he's scared of Vriska, in my opinion, is this: he's flat-out lying. It's a good way for him to maintain his cover as 'Soft Gamzee.' It also provides some ammunition for those who, against all sense of good taste and judgment, want to continue to believe and assert that Gamzee is a decent guy with sensitive emotions and vulnerabilities before he undergoes his Muderstuck awakening. He was none of those things, ever.

Hussie likes to play coy, and you can't really trust anything he says after Act 6 because he's fed up with the fandom, but I think this comment comes early enough, and is made assertively enough, that it can be taken at face value. I know that "Soft Gamzee" is actually extremely popular in the fandom, so this may be controversial, but I do think there's more evidence for him being kind of nasty and manipulative than not, and having that always be a part of him brings more cohesiveness to his character. For example, he seems to have a pale crush on Karkat, trying to assert that Karkat is his best friend and changing the topic when Sollux gets brought up and he recognizes Karkat is closer to Sollux than him, and if you read his first log with Terezi as if he's hiding being nasty under a soft veneer, then his comments do read as pretty passive-aggressive.

TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh... ... TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS? TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

Maybe most damningly, his narration calls dealing with Eridan's genuine emotional distress "indulge emotional theatrics," an implication of his true feelings. Karkat and Eridan are heavily foreshadowed to be moirails, and Gamzee seems to have a pale crush on Karkat. What does Gamzee do in this conversation? He chases Eridan away from comforting Karkat - using the same excuse as he uses to avoid dealing with Vriska.

CA: put kar on TC: UuUuH, i cAn't rEaLlY ThInK AbOuT InTeRvEnInG, tHe bLaCk fRoWnInG MoThErFuCkEr kInDa sCaReS Me

Moreover, he does NOT seem to like Jack comforting Karkat instead, either.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY I DON'T THINK GAMZEE ALSO DESERVES A SHOT AT KINDNESS AND REDEMPTION. Gamzee is clearly a very troubled youth, between his absentee lusus, his indoctrination into a fundie doomsday cult, and his sopor usage. The fact that having his faith shattered by Dave makes him snap implies that, one, he was already unstable and teetering on the edge, and having his faith fucked with was the last straw, and two, that until he lost that last shred of hope, he was still pretending to be nicer than he was for a reason, and given that his LE worship doesn't start up until after the snappage, I think it can be extrapolated that that reason is that he genuinely wants to get along with his friends.

Given that Gamzee's issues largely stem from his neglectful lusus, it's not a stretch to say that Gamzee does not take well to abandonment and isolation. So here's kind of where Tavros comes in:

Gamzee mentions that he feels "So aT ChIlL WiTh yOu" while talking to Tavros, and Tavros reciprocates the friendship and also - interestingly - acknowledges Gamzee's religion, calling it beautiful even if he doesn't necessarily believe in it. I call it interesting because Karkat's inability to do so is explicitly one of the reasons their moirallegiance broke down. Moreover, in their first conversation together, Gamzee explicitly praises Tavros for his "gumption" for stealing his clown nose, when Tavros's avoidance of his problems is one of his biggest personal issues. So yeah, personally, I'm all for moirallegiance.

But Tavros started ghosting him after Gamzee offered to make out a little, another symptom of his avoidance issues. I'm sure that, even in this meteor trip, the fact that Gamzee killed Equius and Nepeta really scares him. In his conversation with Terezi, Terezi outright says "NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU"; Equius is constantly yelling at him; lots of people on their team seem to genuinely just sort of dislike him.

CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.

So having one of the few people he does really like also ghost him probably did... bad things to his mental health. Especially so when said person wound up dead. But now that he isn't dead, I think they have a shot - they just need to address their personal problems. Tavros with his avoidance, and Gamzee with his resentment toward the world, and reliance on substances and religion to take the edge off. In this meteor iteration, that doesn't quite happen - their toxic auspicetism succeeds in letting them air out their dirty laundry to the audience, but doesn't bring full reconciliation.

In any case, this meteor trip is fairly short, and uneventful from the dream bubbles side, although I do think Tavros should get a talking-to from (Tavros) about real self-esteem and self-worth.

Still, being back in contact with Tavros again, even if in kind of a messed-up way, does make Gamzee start to reconsider some of his past actions. This brings us to:

Gamzee Asks for Equius and Nepeta back.

Gamzee's not as nice as he lets on, but he does genuinely care about his teammates, and for the people he really cares about, like Karkat or Tavros, I think he's willing to stick his neck out. Bringing back Nepeta and Equius is more for Tavros than himself, really, because Tavros is scared of him for doing that, and he motherfuckin' misses Tavros, okay? John mostly agrees because he's kind of scared of Gamzee.

Some really fun stuff starts happening this go around.

The Gamzee-Tavros situation becomes resolved because this time, Equius steps in as an auspice between Tavros and Dave, and this auspicetism is COMPLETELY HEALTHY (with the bonus of being extremely funny, and what is the point of a Homestuck ship if it is not deeply funny).

Gamzee and Tavros are able to enter into a totally healthy moirallegiance once the auspicetism builds up Tavros's self-confidence, much to Karkat's relief.

Being stuck in the auspicetism makes Dave go crawling back to Terezi on his hands and knees. I'm sorry, Terezi. I'll do anything if you take me back. Just don't let me die as the guy stuck in a threesome with the two worst trolls. Dave has overcome his xenophobia.

Dave and Terezi becoming official does make Karkat sad, however, so when Nepeta finally works up the courage to confess to him, he accepts the offer to date her, thus fulfilling Jaspersprite's musing that she might only be able to date him after she dies.

They also break up. We're keeping up this trend of Karkat and his disastrous relationships. He's still involved in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska drama, too.

With GamTav and Dave/Tavros/Equius cinched, Tavros and Vriska reach a sort of truce with each other. Not really friends, since they kind of still dislike each other, but Vriska would genuinely be glad to see Tavros getting more actually confident, and muster up the energy to genuinely apologize for almost killing him, so there's a sort of mutual respect there now. Vriska and Terezi are even closer because of this, but still not fully over their problems.

On the topic of the Dave/Tavros/Equius auspicetism: Dave still can't stop bothering Tavros, but the lewdness of it sets Equius off, so he feels like he has to intervene. Dave also can't stop himself from bothering Equius, which ALWAYS BACKFIRES, and since Tavros has a weird fondness/rivalry with Dave, he'd find it within himself to ask Equius to back off (which would work, because of Equius's... Equius). And every time Equius gets too overbearing toward Tavros, Dave feels COMPELLED to intervene, because he's like, my fucking god, you are the two worst trolls, why must weirdos fight. Dave desperately wants out, but he can't stop staring at these two.

And weirdly enough, it's beneficial for all of them. With two people to yell at him for being weird, Equius becomes less weird. With a rival in Dave and more contact with Equius, Tavros becomes more confident. And Dave has two people to rap against and feel good about his art with, something he more or less had to deal with alone during previous trips.

On the topic of Karkat and Nepeta, there are quite a few implications that they wouldn't necessarily work out. For citations, let me just link my Nepeta essay, where I go over what the comic says about their relationship from a storytelling perspective; here, I'll talk about their relationship from a more interpersonal perspective.

Karkat's signals are mixed as fuuuuuuck. While I don't necessarily think this will be an issue for Nepeta, as - as a Heart player - she's preternatually gifted at understanding motivations, the thing is... I think Nepeta can do better, and deserves better, a sentiment echoed by Jasprosesprite^2. She certainly deserves better than being second to Terezi, at the very least, even if she states she likes his outbursts.

And the thing is, Karkat is pretty explicit about saying that he doesn't return her feelings; in a world where they date, there's always going to be a sense that she's his second choice. And, just... my girl deserves better, okay? Moreover, while he respects her personhood, he's also pretty nasty to her when he DOES talk to her, implying he doesn't necessarily respect her choices. And also, she's actually really bad at shipping, so there will be this extremely weird tension of like... a hobbyist vs. a professional. I don't think Karkat would be able to stop himself from mocking some of her shipping choices if she ever opened up to him about that.

But I think them getting together is important for Nepeta, developmentally - I talk about this in my essay for her, but shipping is something I think she does need to outgrow, since it's kind of a replacement she's using for her loneliness. Moreover, I say in that essay that the issues she has in her moirallegiance with Equius warrant relationship counselling - and that's what Karkat is uniquely qualified to dispense, as the team's Blood player. Although they end up not working out, Nepeta would take several valuable lessons from this relationship - that she's kind of bad at shipping, that Equius is being kind of a shithead to her, and that she needs to start making friends with other people.

Now then. We're finally getting into some drama in the bubbles.

Please imagine for me Equius and Horuss talking, and Equius being aghast at the way Horuss is so derisive towards his matesprit and moirail. Now imagine him pulling a mic out of nowhere and rapping at him about how his problem is that he does not respect his partners. Now imagine Tavros and Dave joining in, also out of nowhere, with Tavros adding bars about how the hemospectrum is, not a good thing, he thinks. And Dave adding bars about how he does not have a fucking dog in this race. He's not even a troll. He doesn't understand their hemospectrum. Let him out of here. The fine fucking art of Alternian slam poetry. I think Horuss would start crying. So would I if three people including my grandkid started rapping at me.

Nepeta's uncanny emotional acumen leads to her wanting to befriend Damara, but being unable to speak her language.

GameOver!crew is up to something, IDK, probably showing (Tavros) inspiring people and rebuilding the ghost army, to tell a parallel story to Tavros becoming more genuinely self-confident.

We check in with the Alpha kids, too, who have some group therapy sessions led by Roxy.

Vriska and Tavros confront Rufioh together, a final culmination of their no-longer-enemiesship, and together, they steal Rufioh's ones. Like, Tavros starts speak1ng w1th ones, something he always had in him, and they also roast Rufioh so badly that he stops speaking in ones. But the way it's presented to the audience, Vriska outright just says that Tavros should steal his ones. And Tavros does. This carries over to successive retcons, as it's implied that Tavros just kind of starts naturally being more confident as healthy relationships are established sooner and sooner.

Anyway, a final note about Equius - his problems are mostly due to being sheltered. Although he is probably the most casteist highblood, he's not really that casteist, as what's really going on is just that he's got a BDSM kink. But because he's sheltered, he does not realize that it's a kink. And a fetishist who does not realize that they're a fetishist has more power than God.

His protectiveness of Nepeta does come from a good place; preventing her from playing FLARP was actually in her best interest, given what happens to people who play FLARP. But he's very much going overboard with it, likely an extension of his own lack of understanding of how much sheltering is good and how much becomes detrimental. What he really needs is for someone to point it out to him, which I think he gets via Nepeta or via Karkat, and then have a reaaaaally long think about it. He's genuinely a polite and helpful soul, who doesn't WANT to make people uncomfortable. The auspicetism is very good for him in this regard, as is his moirallegiance once Karkat talks him and Nepeta through their issues.

The point is, once he's forced to reckon with the fact that the degeneracy is coming from inside the house, I think he'd have a LOT of regrets about the way he treated Aradia. Which leads us to:

Whoops That Robot Thing Was Really Inappropriate Huh

Equius approaches John to ask him to make Past!Equius reconsider the Aradiabot Thing. John's getting kind of impatient with all these trolls who keep asking him to go back through time, but given that everyone seems a little happier each time, he can't help but agree.

So he goes back to the past, before Equius can give Aradia her robot body with the love chip in it, and something really fun gets to happen here: first of all, Equius's Void status makes him really hard to place, so John winds up missing by a bit, time-wise, so Aradia's already in the body. This is the first time that retconning!John and Aradia have been in the same place together, and when she meets him and finds out that he can time travel without causing paradoxes, she demands (with her Aradiabot deathmurderkill intensity) to be taken back in time to before she died.

John's retcon powers explicitly ignore the usual rules of paradox space - he describes it as a "fresh start". Given that Breath is associated with choices and freedom, his retcon powers are kind of the ultimate culmination of his abilities as a breath player. Although doomed timelines can and will still result from paradoxes caused by players when John isn't there, anything he directly interferes with is totally a-okay.

So all Aradiabot asks him for is passage back in time, in order to sanction her interference in the past. After she dismisses him, she still more or less has to adhere to events in the original timeline, for two reasons - the first being that she doesn't want to risk a new doomed timeline, and the second so she can keep the timeline predictable.

So even though she's basically asked for passage to the time period before SGRUB, it's basically outright stated that the progression of events has to be more or less the same, up until the point where John's other retcons take place. So here are the cascading effects of Aradiabot preventing her own death:

Aradiabot takes Aradia's place in the Team Charge debacle, being blown up/"killed" (as a sprite) by Sollux's eye beams, so that she can take Aradia's place as Doc Scratch/the Handmaiden's servant and "carry out" their orders.

Meanwhile, Aradia seeks refuge with Equius, whose void powers keep her hidden from Doc Scratch's omnipotence.

Because Sollux never actually killed Aradia, and Aradia communicates with him via Equius's account, Sollux is less depressed and self-loathing. He no longer predicts a future where all of them die and he has to be blinded. It's left deliberately vague whether this future comes to pass because he's less pessimistic, so his Mage powers are calling a happier future into being, or if his future changed, so his Mage powers are prophesying something new.

Nepeta starts regaining memories of alternate timelines and past retcons, as an extension of her Rogue of Heart powers. This includes the relationship counselling she received from Karkat.

Between Nepeta and Aradia yelling at him, Equius's character development starts sooner, so he's squared away for future events, and ends up not making the creepy Aradiabot, making a non-creepy one instead.

Aradia and Equius do not strike up a relationship, and become uneasy enemies/friends.

Aradia secretly god tiers well in advance of Jack's arrival, and meets him at Derse rather than awakening on her crypt there.

Aradia and Sollux continue a loving matespritship, leading to Sollux settling into a moirallegiance with Feferi. He's devastated when she dies, which still happens along with the rest of Eridan's freakout; Aradiabot doesn't intervene because she's needed for:

Aradiabot winds up being the one to sacrifice herself piloting the meteor, allowing Sollux to stay with the rest of the team when he meets up with Aradia, (Aradia), and (Sollux) at the Green Sun. Aradiabot winds up with the GameOver!crew.

With the 1337 hackers back in commission, Sollux and Roxy are able to establish a server connection with each other, allowing them to communicate during the 3-year meteor trip.

Aradia involves herself in the Rose/Kanaya/Vriska Mess, and I kind of can't decide what I like better - a vascillatory pitch/flush threeway between Rose, Kanaya, and Vriska, now that Vriska's near the end of her character development, with Aradia serving as a stabilizing force as Kanaya's on-again off-again moirail, or Aradia stepping in as an auspice. Either way, it's out of Karkat's hands.

This has a knock-on effect of finally giving Vriska the chance to fully make amends with Aradia, which winds up cinching the Vriska/Terezi moirallegiance. The scourge sisters are back baybee. And between a healthy moirallegiance for Terezi and a healthy moirallegiance for Gamzee, I think pitch Terezi/Gamzee could work as a healthy ship this time around. I'm not married to it, but they did always seem to hate each other well before SGRUB.

Nepeta has LEARNED HER LESSON regarding dating Karkat, so that does not happen.

Karkat now has no quadrants. He winds up desperately throwing himself at Sadstuck Sollux to try and help him get over his breakup. It's not a good look. Sadkat. He also takes up talking to the alpha kids for emotional support, which puts them off, too. Still gives really good relationship advice. He's clearly one of the more unstable members of the retcon!crew at this point.

We're light on the dream bubble drama this time around because of how MUCH is happening for the retcon!crew, but there's going to be a reference in there of Nepeta learning East Beforan.

SO. NOTES TIME.

Aradia expresses outright that she hated the feeling that she was set up and that she wishes someone would have stopped her from being so reckless. And although she seems to find some satisfaction in being the stewardess of the afterlife, there's clearly some resentment there that she's been forced into that role, as she expresses that what she's really looking forward to is watching it all break apart. There's also kind of an orphaned plot thread where Aradia is spending a lot of time in the afterlife putting knowledge together, which never really directly pays off except to the audience, and I think a really good way to bring that back in would be for her to be communing with (Aradia) in the dream bubbles in order to make sure the timeline flows as smoothly as possible.

As for Aradia/Kanaya - they're actually really good friends, and Aradia expresses that she's flattered that Kanaya wants to talk to her so much. There is a tone here that matches the way Vriska thinks about Kanaya when Kanaya is still ostensibly Vriska's moirail, and Kanaya herself admits to being attracted to people who are reckless. In fact...

AA: i just wish AA: back when i was behaving recklessly AA: i had s0me0ne t0 tell me t0 st0p listening AA: even if i ended up ign0ring their advice AA: it w0uld have been nice

GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems

So I'm just kind of saying... Aradia and Kanaya moirallegiance... is not entirely unfounded. And a moirail stabilizes a troll's other relationships; if we have a moirail for Kanaya and a moirail for Vriska, then the Mess that is whatever's going on with Kanaya, Vriska, and Rose would probably resolve itself, I think. Either way, Rose is surrounded by SUCH a girl's night of emotional support to help her with sobriety now.

As for whatever's going on between her and Equius, I tend to believe the comic when it tells me relationships don't work out, and Aradia expresses regret for kissing him during the Ministrife. I think they could be good vitriolic frenemies, though.

Okay, onto Sollux.

In the same panel where Eridan and Karkat are implied to be "hatched for each other" pale-wise, Feferi and Sollux are foreshadowed in the same way:

They also spend a LOT OF TIME curled up in a pile together talking about their feelings, which we don't see with matesprits, but we DO see with moirails. Nepeta and Equius do the same thing, and they are kind of THE moirails. So I think Sollux and Feferi were always meant to be pale, but because Aradia died, Sollux wound up taking Feferi on as a matesprit instead. Between EriFef, SolFef, and GamTav, people getting flushed and pale feelings entangled is like, a Running Thing, so it's not really surprising to me.

Now, here's the thing. We already know that Sollux likes to cope with a rebound, since he went flushed with Feferi after Aradiabot exploded and was presumed dead. And Karkat cares very fucking much about Sollux, to the point where Gamzee speculates that he's actually Karkat's best friend, and Karkat even calls him that (although Karkat also kind of just calls anyone his best friend, lol).

CG: GAMZEE WAS MY VERY GOOD FRIEND, WHO WAS THIS GOOFY LOVEABLE BULLSHIT CLOWN UNTIL HE WENT PSYCHO AND KILLED SOME PEOPLE. I LIKED HIM A LOT. CG: I DON'T KNOW, I GUESS MY BEST FRIEND IS REALLY JUST THE GUY WHO I HAPPEN TO BE FEELING MOST SENTIMENTAL TO AT THE MOMENT, IS THAT A FUCKING CRIME.

This crab's got so much love in him. In any case, I mostly just want to keep sticking Karkat in these extremely unhealthy relationships for a while. It makes it sweeter when he finally winds up with Eridan LIKE HE WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO... but yeah.

Cross-session communication is also entirely possible, as Sollux set up chat clients between the trolls and the kids in the first place, and even without that, Kanaya found Rose's old GameFAQs on a server in the Furthest Ring. With both Sollux and Roxy on the case, there's no way they can't somehow establish communications way sooner.

Regarding Nepeta regaining her memories, let me once more point you towards the Nepeta essay. She's on track to become the one who attains Ultimate Selfhood, and comforts people like Jade and John about not really knowing their friends or being lonely.

But yeah, obviously Sollux asks for Feferi to be brought back.

F-EF-ERI!!!! 38D

Mostly Sollux just asks to be prevented from provoking Eridan so harshly. Eridan still winds up blowing up the matriorb, and thus, still getting killed by Kanaya in retribution, but this means that Eridan is now the only member of the team left dead.

PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP. PITCH FEFNEP

Pitch FefNep leads to Feferi letting slip something casteist where Sollux can hear; he doesn't personally care because he's heard much worse, but puts them on a break while she sorts herself out. They get back together after that.

Karkat alone :'( he's mostly just talking to the alpha kids at this point, trying to hide from all the happy fucking relationships happening all around him.

If the last retcon was really heavy on the retcon!crew, then this one is much more about what's happening in the bubbles. We get most of our dancestor development this go around. Do not read if you like the dancestors! I go very in-depth about how most of them are horrible people on purpose here, so their arcs are mostly about them being pulled up on their abject awfulness.

Nepeta, who has learned East Beforan, is able to talk to Damara and have an earnest heart-to-heart with her about how awfully she was treated. They hug and cry. Damara, finally validated, gives everyone a big middle finger.

Feferi heals Mituna's brain injury, because literally why the FUCK has nobody else done that. Now once more in control of his faculties, he breaks up with Latula, pissed off that she took advantage of him all those eons to boost her own ego. He also gives everyone a big middle finger. Damara steals her skateboard and high fives Mituna.

Porrim's basically the only dancestor who grew as a person so I think she mostly escapes unscathed.

Latula gets chased around by Sollux and Aradia, who basically just bully her for being bad at games. This is a date to them.

Gamzee completely refutes Kurloz, with his newfound clarity about the real miracle being friendship and the real dark carnival being the world he and his friends will build, not that LE noise.

In a double team between Terezi and Rose, Meulin gets eviscerated for the way her own Issues have made her ships deliberately awful, that she could have simply Not, and she has a bit of a breakdown.

As Feferi is grappling with her privilege and internalized casteism, Cronus wanders up to try and hit on her, and she goes "oh my god... when people look at me, are you what they see? A friendless loser that nobody likes? A total waste of seawater who's only pretending to be cool with the lower castes? A totally fake poser? 38(" Cronus just goes "..." and starts crying and Feferi ends the convo oblivious to that, just going "wow... thanks for talking with me! really gave me a lot to think about" imagine how funny it would be -

Karkat finds and talks to (Eridan), where he fully admits to missing the guy. His mopiness is so extreme that (Eridan) takes issue with it and punches him, before basically yelling at him to get his shit together. Karkat then yells at HIM for him to get HIS shit together, and they both leave, intent on getting their shit together.

We also get an update on Vriska and Meenah at this point, where Meenah is starting to seem more into how they totally ditched their responsibilities than Vriska is.

So the thing with this update is that most of the trolls have sorted their shit out; even Karkat has had a lot of introspection about how he really just fucking loves his friends and should have been more honest about it, not worried so much about appearing weak or lame. With the double Aradias in play to kind of handwave that the timeline will be stable because they're ensuring all loops get completed and all necessary conversations happen, and with everyone's successful relationships on display, we can kind of truncate the next leg of the journey:

Karkat Fixes Everything

Karkat is the Friendship Troll. Karkat is the Romance Troll. Karkat is the Bonds troll. He is their team's Blood player, and as the Blood player, he's been shown to deeply love all of his fucking friends - yes, even the assholes. Maybe even especially them.

As such, it's vitally important for the last push - last leg of the journey - to belong to Karkat. Where would our Blood player be without his bonds? Well, we actually have the answer to that. It's knocked out and prevented from joining in any of the important boss battles. LAME!

So in the last retcon, Karkat hears from Nepeta about the retcons that have been happening, and he really starts digging through his own past. If every retcon so far has been each troll only feeling comfortable undoing their own personal mistakes, then what of the guy who feels personally responsible for everything, all the time, forever?

Look, I'm not saying that a shipping chart saves Homestuck, but... by the time this last retcon is through, every Alternian troll is alive and god tiered. And he is dating Eridan.

If you have any questions about him dating Eridan, please refer to the link above. That essay is nearly as long as this one. There's SO MUCH FUCKING FORESHADOWING.

I don't think the god tiering needs to be explained, because if we hear that Karkat basically made his past self a shipping chart, and we've seen everybody's character development as they've gone through this journey, and we have Aradias on timeline duty and Nepeta with memories of past retcons and her alternate selves, I think we can more or less gloss over exactly how they go about earning their wings while maintaining timeline integrity. The important thing is that Karkat is dating Eridan now.

Because that leads to the last few bits of dream bubble stuff, but before we get into that...

Miscellaneous Plot Things That Need To Happen But I Don't Know Where To Put Them

Yeah there's just some ideas that I have floating around that need to be placed somewhere but IDK exactly where, or exactly how they shake out.

Hal becomes a real boy. And by that I mean as part of their character development, Jake makes Hal "real" a la brain ghost Dirk, and then the rest of them have to scramble against the clock (Jake's ability to maintain Hal's realness) to god tier him and make his existence permanent. He's a Sylph of Mind, which allows him to negate Condy's mind control. And maybe a GCATboy?

(Tavros) becomes the new leader of the ghost army.

Davesprite winds up dead at some point in the bubbles and doesn't explain how he died, but he and (Dave) get to fight each other and hash out their Realness and Relevance issues, before facing their final boss fight as bros once more.

Jade and Nepeta get to talk, and Nepeta gives Jade the reassuring speech about Ultimate Selfhood and how she won't be lonely forever. Maybe it's flushed. Might leave it ambiguous.

Somebody needs to auspicetize Dirk and Jake holy shit. Dunno who. Maybe Karkat, but I kind of like him pitch with Dirk, so IDK really.

Dad needs to die. Sorry Dad. If I can find a way to kill off all of the sprites besides ARquiusprite, I will. It's explicitly stated that sprites are drawn to the battlefield during the Reckoning, presumably to die, as part of the coming-of-age themes - losing one's guardians. It's sad but it's gotta happen.

All the Godtier!Calliope stuff basically happens as-is.

Can you tell I need to do more research on the alpha kids...

Ok Back To Karkat And Eridan

I think I'm going to leave their moirallegiance fairly ambiguous, but when Eridan is brought back, he and Karkat are basically together all the time. Karkat's signals are mixed even on the best of days, so I don't know how easy it'll be to tell that these two assholes slinging death threats at each other are pale, but *I* will know, and that's what matters.

This leads to the last two dancestor takedowns:

Karkat and Eridan (mostly Eridan) round on Kankri. Eridan calls him SO MANY SLURS. The fact that Karkat not only condones this, but is DATING ERIDAN, kind of makes Kankri lose it a bit.

(Karkat) and (Eridan), who have reconciled in the bubbles, finally find (Vriska) and Meenah. (Karkat) gives the two of them the speech that retcon!Vriska gave (Vriska) in the comic's original ending, but this time around, (Vriska) actually agrees with him. This serves as a conclusion to (Karkat) and Meenah's arc, and causes Meenah to feel so bad that she walks back to the other dancestors in shame, as (Vriska) leaves with him with the treasure to finally fight LE.

When Meenah returns to the dancestors, the first one she finds is Aranea, who's really sad about her own little escapade, blaming herself for the way Game Over went. This prompts Meenah to go, no, it was probably my fault, shouldn't have let you run off like that. And this would, from all the sobbing dancestors, prompt a string of "no, I'm the reason we failed"s, eventually culminating in Meenah rallying them together to do one last good thing before everyone gets sucked into the black hole and go join the fight against LE. Everyone agrees.

(Gamzee) is revived by the life players and cursed with immortality, so he can go on to become LE and complete that time loop. He is immediately locked in the fridge. This is also why he can't fucking die no matter what you do to him.

This also leads us into the final boss fights.

VS. CONDY

The twelve trolls. The Condesce represents tyranny, the worst aspects of the trolls' old society, and as such, is most thematically taken down by them. While she did fuck up the alpha kids' lives, too, I just personally think it's so much more thematic and satisfying to watch her be beaten down by the trolls.

VS. THE THREE JACKS

The eight kids plus Hal plus Davesprite. With Bec Noir specifically, it's fucking PERSONAL, as this guy killed their parents. This is where Dave fulfils his destiny of killing an iteration of English with his sword, when he decapitates Jack English; the person in the middle of that sandwich is Davesprite, which is how he dies and winds up in the bubbles. The iteration of Jack that survives to date Ms. Paint is Spades Slick, as he's the most sympathetic out of all of them and didn't kill anybody's parents.

At some point during this fight, I like the idea that they get zapped away by Jack English, John zaps them to the Godtier!Caliborn fight where he gets sealed in the juju, and then we cut back to the fight with Jack English, where, inexplicably, they all zap right back in.

VS. THE FELT

The spares - ARquiussprite, (Gamzee) in the fridge (who has since been revived by the life players and blessed/cursed with eternal life so he can go on to fulfill his role in the timelines and become part of LE), Dad, and the other sprites (if any of them are left alive).

VS. LORD ENGLISH

The GameOver!crew, the ghost army, the dancestors (they have a Big Damn Heroes moment right near the end, buying Jake time to deploy the Weapon), Aradiabot, and Davesprite.

Jake fulfills his destiny to defeat the Lord of all Angels by being the one to deploy the weapon, which deposits the beta kids, who knock LE in to the black hole. They then zap out of there, collecting the alpha kids from after the Caliborn fight, and zap back to the fight with the Jacks.

This specific configuration of boss battles winds up leaving Lord English entirely up to dead characters, who are then implied to all eventually get sucked into the black hole - their memories to live on through the living characters via Ultimate Selfhood, which only Nepeta achieves on screen, but implies that they will all achieve eventually.

It's important to me that the GameOver!crew is the one leading the fight against Lord English, as they're the ones who were the most screwed over by LE and his machinations - manipulated into killing each other, used as servants of his will, dying ignobly in a doomed timeline filled with special stardust. Meanwhile, the retcon!kids and trolls prove what they've learned - about compassion, kindness, equality, and forgiveness - by beating the shit out of the Condesce, who represents the horrors of Alternia, and the Jacks, especially Bec Noir and Jack English - the latter of which is a shadow of what Lord English represents - immaturity, cruelty, hatred - and the former of which is a culmination of all the failures they committed to get to this point, a symptom of their universal cancer.

I wrote a little snippet of Aradia once, and I think I'll use that to end this essay:

(ARADIA): ok now that we are all done being stupid (ARADIA): im sure enough people here remember the plan that i dont need to explain it again (ARADIA): so instead i just wanted to say (ARADIA): leave your backs to us and face forward without fear (ARADIA): the dead and irrelevant will slay the demon of double death while you unmake the threats of the living (ARADIA): and personally i think it's very fitting that he will perish here as nothing more than a bad dream (ARADIA): this will be the last time we see each other (ARADIA): so on behalf of everyone that you are going to be leaving behind (ARADIA): live (ARADIA): and be happy!

#homestuck #eridan ampora #karkat vantas #nepeta leijon #feferi peixes #kanaya maryam #gamzee makara #vriska serket #sollux captor #aradia megido #equius zahhak #tavros nitram #terezi pyrope #unfortunately i was not able to get my actual project done so i'll save that for 6/12 hahaha #but have this meager offering instead

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jaymesyourplaything · 30 days

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TRANSPARENCY

ver they/them is sherlock he/him mod

john he/him is johns mod.

all purple are links.

hello,, i think to start this, i will have to be very transparent. this is going to push a lot of my comfort zones, and... well, writing this is going to... be very difficult for me. i'm sorry. if i give too much leeway, some friends may be upset. if i speak at all, i fear i'm losing some automatically.

but, i wanted to speak up. push myself. my friend gave me the okay, and along with bewitched they are both giving me the courage every day. 🥺🥺🥺

i struggle with speaking up. my co-mod was always the one who, spoke for me. in my life; i am very much a wallflower. in my personal life, people don't like how i am so very willing to see the good in people, even if they hurt me. this is because i was abused and neglected started from a young age.

due to my abuse;

i have a dissociative disorder

it makes it very hard for me to interact with people around me in my day to day life. whenever i am stressed, whenever i feel i should be quiet-i was conditioned well-or if anyone so much as changes their tones, i'll be gone. it's questioning when i come back, but it's often when i'm more comfortable.

so, when someone is out of line, or otherwise mean to me, i would dissociate, and often forget about it. my caretaker once commented on how i wasn't there mentally, i didn't have the ability to hold a grudge. it was not because of a mental deformity, but the neglect i suffered.

i was only ever "real" during happy moments. i would lose focus during un-happy moments. it was easy to create false memories, especially if all i had to go on was my (caretakers) retelling of any story.

my memories, my thoughts and feelings on people, are based entirely of whatever i can remember of them at that moment, and what other's tell me about the memories/people. my reality is easy to be altered. (which is why i stepped back so long, all my thoughts are based on my partner of 10 years, childhood friends who do not interact with this website or anyone in it, or some of my friends who have been helping me correct my behavior who have all stayed out of it for their general lack of like of drama and also it helps me tremendously to interact with the world "alone" and learn how to proceed in my life/process. alone as in they don't interfere, other than advice i ask for. mostly i'm saying i purposeful stepped back from ver and bewitched -and john- anyone involved and spoke to those not involved for my opinions here. )

the best coping mechanism we found is to be extremely grounded. the last year has become the best year of our life after we became aware how severe the abuse was and why i've been the way i have. (we as in my partner and i. we have been together for 9 years now. )

this is why i struggle keeping a narrative for long. i'll lose it, i'll go through various stages of understanding, or memory loss. my narrative is based on those around me and what i see, and other things i can trust. it takes awhile, so i can gather what other's think of what's happened around me, so i can base the truth off it.

(i stayed out of this because i couldn't just, listen to everyone when this is /my/ experience. hence why i talked to my partner, or other -childhood friends not related to anyone here in this space- about such topics for so long, or other trusted friends, until i could gather an idea that isn't biased from my friends. because i trusted john, it hurt a lot for this to happen, it was hard to believe, hence dissociation and why it took so long. heughhh... )

also, yes, co-mod

i co-moded this blog once. if you know who the co-mod is, please keep it private. we have since talked and he has agreed to stay out, he's leaving me to handle the experiences on this account. he has remained quiet by my request. he now has only commented on his own experiences on his blog, only. john never knew the identity of this other person, in fact i don't think i told him my identity either. we spoke as "i" or "we".

edit: gdi pookie i said keep it private wts

my co-mod quit the fucking whore

thats a joke i don't mind they quit. poor communication, i would dissociate and he disapproved that i was continuously supporting him [john] even though i was clearly, by my own mind's definition, in discomfort talking to him. i wanted to be a good mod, keep contact with the other mods. ): i didn't like how he treated people behind the scenes, gossip and stuff. devaluing sherlock for a long time.

my friendship and thoughts on john and ver

i don't think ver is emotionally manipulative, but i didn't think john was abusive either. john has certainly shown he has been abusive since the split at least, but it suspects he could have always been abusive.

john planned replacing sherlock with his friend, from early january at least, but i suspected it back around august 2023

he said early on ver would deserve being replaced. said mine would be a better sherlock once, said he was tired of ver's sherlock, supported the idea of the other sherlocks popping up since jan but said they were also crazy and not to talk to them.

but anyway, here's wonderwall

aka my statement

there are boundaries. revealing personal information about ver, at first in private (with me, who else could he have? ) and then later in public, or messaging them after they (publicly ) told him to stop. then slander, or public harassment (public attempts to communicate, or throw accusations at, or now accuse of sending anon asks without proof -turn off anon asks then john. ) i don't know what happened in private, but publicly john has continuously escalated a situation that ver has attempted to be quiet and respectful on continuously.

i ended my friendship with john because of his continued abuse towards ver since he abruptly and without warning replaced ver.

uh , last thoughts? and a message from me

john was a mean girl who decided to fully bully and harass ver now that ver was free.

ver is just emotional and reacted to johns /empty/ threats of quitting.

which again is mean of him, empty threats, he knew he wanted to replace ver, not quit lol

since he kicked ver out and cut them off, he has continuously reached out, even after ver requested he stop. he has no even made a new account (sherlockbbc-rp blog ) so that he could interact with us (we all had to re-block him, or otherwise ignore him ) since we all have been trying to move on

he is obsessed with ver, which is weird when john is the one who wanted ver gone. ver even tried to help john every step of the way (and wanted the same respect and help. ) which john refused. i believe ver and believe john blew them off until he replaced him, since he's refused my help in similar ways countless times.

i hope ver can move on and recover, they do seem really shaken up and shy because of this event, and john continuously just, escalates. now that we've all done statements, i want to help ver move on. i want to plan and plot more interactions, i want to help cheer them up. i hope johns friends continue to watch and take care of him too, but i honestly am happy i'm not one of them now. it's stressful. i don't need to be friends with someone who puts that much thought into slandering and harassing someone and has no intentions of growing as a person and stopping that behavior. i've been trying, and i'm sure most of my friends would agree i'm doing so much better. i am proud of my improvements, and i am so very proud of ver for moving on and taking all steps i would have. i am not proud of john. i am proud of me for leaving john. my friends are proud, it was difficult for me, very very difficult.

this was difficult to write. as said, in my personal life, i am too soft, too nice. last ex, i remember we talked it out and ended with me saying (so us agreeing ) we were both too immature for the relationship. in reality they were cheating and petty lol. i.. i am often harassed for, not... speaking up, for taking blame, for ending so many things on good terms. two people i respected a lot even judged me when it took me so long to cut john out of my life. it hurt a lot. i've withdrawn a lot, since then. i am excited to move on from this chapter of my life, and continue growing as a person, from poor behavior to just being more assertive.

thank you for reading this, i... i feel no one really cares, but a close friend comforted me, and reminded me that even if no one else cares, that my friend ver appreciates me helping. i was silent so long, partially their request, some was a mutual agreement between me and my co-mod, and a lot was processing... what was going on with john. please be respectful, please be patient with me. this was my friend too. this was ver's friend once too. thank you to my friend, thank you to my continued friends for always helping me in correcting my behavior, or just remaining patient with me during this journey the last year with my own personal growth, and thank you to bewitched and ver for giving me the courage and help to speak out in the first place. i love and appreciate all of you very much.

john, please stop trying to contact me.

#jay #a scandal in tumblr #mod

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tonguet33 · 2 months

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My Creepypasta hair headcanons no one asked for because I *just* made this blog

[This is my first post so just a couple characters, I take requests !! also I'll make X reader if i feel like i can represent the character authenticity !!]

Eyeless jack

HE IS A BLACK BRITISH GOTH.

I think his hair would be a bit past shoulder length, probably in locs or twists.

Maybe a bit grown out but I think he'd perfer it like that, since yk organ harvesting with freshly retwisted hair isn't exactly ideal.

Also hair jewelry?? I think he'd prefer something metal n sturdy, something that can withstand the wear and tear of his hunts with out breaking. (Yes I've been affected by that one fanart of ej with locs and hair jewelry)

I think he has a habit of wearing his hair infront of his face to hide his eyes, I think his eyes in particular are something he's especially sore about. However if he needs to I think he'd tie back his hair with a scrunchy into a ponytail or a high bun.

His hair probably just smells earthy I guess?? I don't think he'd really have BO since he's at least partially demon. I think he'd just smell like actual dirt or soil, or maybe rubbing alcohol if he's been doing surgical junk.

Nina Hopkins

Let me start this off by saying that in my AU she is Afro Venezuelan, because A) @/seireitonin on tt has the coolest cosplay of her, so that imprinted on my verson of Nina. And B) the orginal creator of NTK is Venezuelan (or at least lives in Venezuela from what I know), and since no ethnic or racial background was mentioned in her original story I think of her as Venezuelan by default. :33

I think when her hair wasn't straightened it'd be in colorful goddess braids or soft locs, probably styled with a deep side part like most scene and emo hair.

TONS of hair accessories.

Owns clip on raccoon tails in every color you can think of, the black stripes drawn in with sharpie.

I think once she matured she's since abandoned a ponytail as her main style and has her hair down more often. Other than killer activities or if she wants her hair out of the way.

Her hair is a bit heat damaged, all that styling with a flat iron and no heat protectant starts to effect you after a while, but you only live once right?? That's what Nina thinks anyway :33

Her hair probably smells like got2Bglued hairspray or some mix of hair products and her perfume.

Jeffery Woods

Nasty, greasy, fithy, matte-

Let's just say he doesn't beat the greasy haired metal head stereotype.

I think his neglection of his hair is partly because of his mental illness, and also because he genuinely just doesn't care about his appearance past his carved smile and how intimidating he looks (or that's at least what he says). Chosing not to dive into how insecure I think he really is though !!

I think he'd complain about his hair getting in his face but doesnt use most hair ties/accessories because he thinks they're "too girly". He has a bad habit of using regular rubber bands in his hair and they rip or beak his hair off.

His hair is matted in certain sections (me too Jeff, me too) and between the lack of consistent water sources and horrible personal hygiene in general, his hair doesn't smell the best. I think if he isn't living in the mansion (which I headcanon a lot of the creeps squat in other places, since being in the mansion means being closer to slenderman so more work + fights w other creeps other for space.) then he'd just shower in a victims home if he really wanted to.

Request junk n I'll probably do it !!

Jeff dyes his hair black and it is so incredibly damaged, he misses spots when dying and if you get up close you can see it.

Has had the same brush since he was a teenager (no emotional attachment he just thinks the brush makes no difference anyway) and refuses to spend money to get a new one becuase "this one still works"

[The rest in the Comments so it's not too crowded]

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #headcanons #nina the killer #nina hopkins #ntk #jtk #creepypasta nina the killer #jeff the killer #jeffery woods #jeff woods #creepypasta eyeless jack #creepypasta ej #eyeless jack #eyeless jack hc

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sprout-fics · 6 months

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Good morning beautiful friend! Let me tell you, I went through and read every. single. thing. on your master list over the last week or so, and holy guacamole am I obsessed! You write so eloquently ❤️ All of these amazing writers (your lovely self included of course) inspired me to start posting my own writing. I wanted to ask if you had any tips on getting started? Where do I start? What's the best way to get my work viewed, what's the best way to tag stuff? Any other tips? I have some projects I've been working on, but I wanted to ask a few people for some tips before I posted anything. I'll appreciate anything you have to offer. Hope you're having the most amazing day. You deserve someone bringing you surprise flowers, no traffic on your way home, and a lovely breeze to keep you cool 😘

Hello dear! Thank you so much for your lovely ask! I’m so glad you’re enjoying my works, and thank you for reaching out! I’ve written a few posts on writing advice so far, but I’m happy to share more. Here’s some stuff I’ve written already:

Characterization for Characters

General Fandom Writing Advice

How To Conquer Writer’s Block

And here’s a few other posts by some other folks I’ve found helpful:

Writing Inclusively

Writing for Fun

In terms of getting started, here’s some general advice:

Write the stories you want to write. I’ve said this before but I cannot emphasize it enough. I’ve seen so many writer’s get burnt out by chasing trends and changing tastes of their followers, and as a result neglect the stories that are important to them. The best works are the ones that come straight from your heart, and your own personal passions. Ignore fandom trends and stay true to your own inspirations.

Curate your own space. This means creating a blog for your writing, figuring out what you do and do not want on it, who you do and do not want to engage with, and making sure these boundaries are clear to others. A great way to do this is through an FAQ or about post. I have mine linked in my masterlist if you’d like to take a look.

Additionally- find other authors and writers you enjoy, and try to make friends! It helps to have someone to share hobbies and ideas with. Whenever I’m running short of inspiration, I often approach my other writer friends to run an idea by them, and it is extremely helpful. Finding your own community is key.

Tag appropriately. Know common triggers, and be open to folks asking you to tag stuff you perhaps forgot to mention. Some common stuff includes sexual assault, noncon, major character death, specific traumas, self harm, etc. This helps folks filter the stuff they do not wish to see from you.

Use readmore/keep reading. I try to keep my posts pretty short, giving the tags, warnings, summary, header, and a brief intro to the piece. It’s common courtesy to shorten long posts to avoid making others scroll past over 500 words. (I often dismiss fics if they break this rule, and I’m certain others do the same)

Know what to tag and not tag to get your works seen. One thing I’ve noticed about he x reader side of fandoms is that they will spam the main tags, when a lot of folks are not looking for x reader fics. I’ve stopped posting any x reader content in the mw2/cod mw2/modern warfare/mwII tags, or if I do I always include an ‘x reader’ disclaimer so folks can filter it out

Also, in terms of tags, tag only the characters included in your writing. It doesn’t happen often, but I do see folks making a fic and then tagging it as every character under the sun to get it seen. Do not do this. It is spam.

That being said, there’s a bunch of ways to get your works seen. Taking up ideas from other folks (with permission) about headcanons, participating in writing challenges (@glitterypirateduck has a FANTASTIC few writing challenges, and more to come from what I can tell) and simply tagging your works so folks can find them is a great way to get started. Also, feel free to open requests as well. I find a lot of inspiration in folks coming to me with ideas they’d like to see written.

It helps to make your works visually attractive. I spend a lot of time on headers and creating banners for my works. It’s a lot of fun! It also helps you develop a good eye for visual design, which is a useful skill in general. If you are making banners, remember to request permission from artists if you are to use their art in your designs, and respect their wishes if they say no. Also, don’t just find art from Pinterest and include it. Try to find the source and ask there.

Finally, have fun! Writing fic shouldn’t be an obligation, it should be a joy and a gift. If you aren’t having fun, what’s the point?

I know this set of advice is a little scattered, but I hope you found it helpful! Feel free to ask more questions if you’d like. I might come out with some writing tips I’ve found helpful for my own particular style, as well as a guide to some common writing tools/programs/resources I currently use, and have used in the past. I hope this helped!

#writing advice #writing resources #writing tips #writing help #Always happy to share advice! Thank you dear!#faq

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sarcasticgaypotato · 6 months

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Do you agree with Ossy Flawol's video on Chell's backstory? What would be your own idea(s) about her? Also, when did Chell begin to develop feelings for GLaDOS in The Resurrection Project? Since we've only read it through GLaDOS' POV. I really loved reading TRP, so I also wanted to ask if you'd like to tell us about Chell's POV in the fic (I'm new to this blog so I am probably not aware if a question like this has been asked before). Thank you!

Alright two big questions here (and technically a third one) so I'll try and keep my answers separate so it doesn't bleed into one big long ramble. Ossy Flawol's video 'Who Is Chell?'

I thought it was well done! They clearly did their research, the video is edited nicely, and I think it's a perfectly good theory.

However, I think some of their conclusions are a bit of a stretch. While the bring your daughter to work day theory they offer is good, they don't do quite enough to convince me. I personally think it's very likely that the potato battery easter egg is just that; an easter egg, not canon lore. That doesn't mean I don't think it's fun to consider the implications if it was canon, it just means that I think the original intention behind putting it in there was just 'oh haha wouldn't this be fun' and not any serious lore plans.

I also think Flawol puts a bit too much stock into GLaDOS's insults without really considering them as a whole. They fixate strongly on the idea that there's 'half-truths' to her insults, but they neglect to mention all the jokes made about Chell's weight and her potential brain damage. We can certainly headcanon these being things Chell is specifically sensitive about, but considering there's no evidence to support it, I think it more likely that they're just...generic insults. Yes GLaDOS makes them in a very targeted manner, but 'you're fat and stupid' is hardly a unique insult to bully someone with.

Further, if Flawol believes we can trust that GLaDOS's lines have some element of truth to them, what about the 'good people don't end up here' line? Nothing in their theory implies that Chell has done anything that would make her sensitive about that comment, just that she's independent.

All in all I enjoyed the video, but there's a bit too much cherry-picking in certain spots for me to 100% agree with it. Definitely worth a watch though! (I was happy to see them point out the stupidity of the 'Caroline and Cave are Chell's parents' theory. Anybody who does that gets a thumbs up in my book.)

As for my own ideas about Chell? I've got some other asks in my inbox about Chell where I'll be tackling more of that soon, so keep an eye out!

When did Chell develop feelings for GLaDOS in 'The Resurrection Project'? What is Chell's POV?

I love this question because Chell's perspective throughout TRP is something that's kept purposefully unknown. The reader only ever sees her through GLaDOS's eyes, making her thoughts, feelings, and intentions a bit of a mystery.

Playing the games, it's easy to take it for granted how much we project onto Chell. We can easily imagine Chell's perspective because we're playing it, but what would it be like to be GLaDOS? How would you interpret someone like Chell?

Do you think Chell set up handgun practice as a way to get close to GLaDOS? Was she lying about only being able to get one shower? What was going through her mind when she held GLaDOS through her nightmare?

I'm hesitant to say too much about Chell, even years later, because I think a lot of the fun is how the reader interprets it. However, I can give a bit of the thought process behind her.

GLaDOS saved Chell's life at the end of Portal 2. She kept her word, she let her go. They worked together as a team to defeat Wheatley and they worked together well. Chell never forgot any of that, even when she initially comes off as cold to GLaDOS in the beginning of TRP.

Chell wonders if this is all some elaborate trick, but dismisses that once she sees how miserable GLaDOS is. From there, she finds this situation is a bit like when they were working together in Aperture, because GLaDOS isn't in a position of power over her, and it's not bad. They work well together, Chell might be catching some feelings, but all that has to clash with her lingering distrust.

There's a reason why, despite moments of them getting closer, Chell takes a long time to actually speak to GLaDOS. That is, in a lot of ways, the final hurdle she had to overcome. That was the biggest show of trust Chell could give her, and thus it's no surprise that she kisses GLaDOS soon after.

#chelldos #portal #portal 2 #the resurrection project #trp #chell #glados #I've got more chell thoughts on the way but it takes me 10 years to write anything #so just hang tight everybody

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jae-bummer · 9 months

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My Idol 3: Part Nine

My Idol From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Saturday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in a specific mission to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what four idols will move on to the second date.

My Idol 3: The Series

"Don't look at me like that," you muttered, looking up at Insu moodily.

"It looked like he was trying to inhale your face," your bodyguard muttered, eyes wide. "That must have been terrifying."

"I can't tell if you're trying to be an asshole or not," you sighed. Shoulders dropping, you leaned against the wall that Jackson had you pushed up against. "Had it ever occurred to you that I was enjoying it?"

"Not really," he chuckled, leaning against the wall beside you and crossing his arms. "Did you?"

"I thought so," you nodded. "He's very handsome. And very sweet."

"I wasn't asking why," Insu scoffed.

"I didn't say you were," you said, narrowing your eyes at him. "Why are we even talking right now? I'm still irritated with you."

"Oh right," he grinned. "Because I was the one to tell a complete stranger that you had severe hemorrhoids."

"He wasn't your date," you shrugged.

"Is now a bad time to talk?" he asked, suddenly turning serious. You remained silent, the question hanging in the air.

You knew he wasn't referring to your recent statement, but "talking" as a whole to fix whatever had broken between the two of you yesterday.

"Insu," you started slowly, trying to get your thoughts together. "You don't know me."

"I have never claimed to," he sighed. Adjusting his stance against the wall, he moved to face you. "But I know enough about what type of men you're dealing with to give some sort of warning."

"You don't know them either," you said quietly. "I understand that you're inherently protective, but protecting my heart is not part of your job."

Turning to lean his back against the wall again, Insu looked up to the ceiling, silent.

"I admit," you continued, not at all wanting to admit anything. "That there is...a level of comfortability between us."

"How sweet," he muttered.

"But that's not something I can afford to explore at the present time," you breathed. "As there are seven other men who are currently vying for my affections."

"Only seven?" he hummed. "What's another one thrown in there?"

"This isn't a joke," you groaned. "We need to be more professional."

"We?" he asked, lifting his brows. "I've never once, in the entire time of being contracted with My Idol, neglected your safety based off of my feelings. I am always alert and aware of any threats, including, but not limited to those men "vying for your affections.""

"You're getting more invested than you should," you said wearily, feeling suspiciously close to tearing up. "My life is beyond complicated."

"As you've mentioned."

"Disregarding the whole dating thing," you sighed. "I'm homeless right now."

"I don't think you realize..." he began. "That I am working for a production that you are also technically working for, making us coworkers. Are coworkers not allowed to have friendly relationships?"

"We are," you nodded. "But tell me you weren't jealous of me and Jackson's interactions."

"I was not jealous," he said simply.

Crossing your arms, you turned slightly away from him. He had to know that was bullshit.

"I was selfish."

You could only turn and blink up at him. "What?"

"I want to get to know you," he continued quietly, avoiding eye contact. "So badly. When I took on My Idol, this was just another job. Then I met you at a time when you were so broken. I wanted to protect you and make sure no one would hurt you again. I'm generally protective of my clients, but my feelings for you have been beyond confusing."

You swallowed. You had been in a proverbial dry spell for years. Suddenly though, your dating life had gone from raining to pouring.

"Why do they deserve a chance while I don't?" he continued, his face contorting into sadness, then anger. "Because they're celebrities? Because they're what the audience wants to see?

If it's the right time, right place for them...then I'm also here. What makes me so wrong? Why can't I learn about you and see where it goes?"

"This isn't real life," you murmured. "I am contractually obligated to see these men. If something happens during that contracted period, then great. Dating has been hard ever since I stepped foot in Korea. It's not that I don't want to acknowledge you as a potential suitor, but-"

"I just don't fit into that part of the story," he breathed.

"Insu," you whispered, the tears now dangerously close to falling. "You're not being fair to either of us."

"I know," he muttered, turning away from you completely. "I know. I'm being selfish. I'm putting my wants before what you, well, legally have to do."

"It's not wrong to be selfish sometimes," you cooed, tugging on the back of his suit jacket. "But right now, I'm asking you not to be."

"That's a tough ask," he said quietly.

Sick of speaking to his back, you walked around his body to stand in front of him.

"We can be friendly," you said sternly. He had to understand. "We can be coworkers, but you have to stop with these pre-conceived notions you have of the contestants. They all seem genuinely kind and happy to be able to date without ridicule. They're just people searching for a connection."

Insu remained quiet, biting his lip, and looking anywhere but at you.

"I know it's hard not to be angry...when you don't get a chance at something...at someone," you corrected. "But please, if you really care like you say you do, just go easy on me."

Exhaling through his nose, he finally glanced down toward you. "I will. Only because it's for you."

Slowly nodding, you looked up at him with a sad smile. He really was lovely, and in another life, you may have bumped into him, and fallen hard. It was best to nip this in the bud before the two of you grew past flirting and casual jealousy. Whatever issue he had regarding celebrities was likely unrelated to you and more so to his career. You were certain there was much more to his story than wanting a chance to date. He didn't seem like the type to go after things so trivially.

"Can I go to sleep now?" you asked, the question quieter and more fragile than you had anticipated.

"Of course," he breathed. Pivoting and walking toward your door, he already had your room key in hand. "I shouldn't have forced you into a conversation. I'm sure you're exhausted."

"No," you sighed. "It was good we talked."

"I'm not sure if "good" would be the word I would use," he grumbled.

This caused you to smirk. "It can be a good conversation without actually feeling good about it."

Insu furrowed his brow. "Do you feel good about it?"

"Absolutely not," you laughed. "But I don't really have a say over my own life right now, do I?"

During a time where you should be worried about the four incredible men who had each whisked you off your feet, your thoughts were plagued with the conversation you had with Insu. Playing it backwards and forwards in your head, you tried to find a way to make everyone happy. No matter how much mental gymnastics you did, there was no conclusion. The situation was impossible.

You knew from the moment you had met your bodyguard that you had the fattest crush on him. In fact, it was easy to admit at this point. He was good looking, certainly had a tragic backstory, and in general, seemed morally grey. It was all of your favorite tropes about the male leads in every single book you had read. He was a protector and he made you feel so safe in a time that was so uncertain. Maybe it was a touch of Stockholm syndrome, but who could blame you?

But it was all over now. You had to put your adult pants on and squash the small kindling that had been ignited. It was what was best for everyone.

Spinning the ring that Hongseok had made for you around your finger, you paced the length of your hotel room. After a few days break, you were finally slated for another date. With an estranged Insu and a generally stuffy Hyuk, your days had been long. You had met a handful of times with producers, as well as your old apartment complex. The police were still trying to sort out what exactly had happened during your break in. Suspects were hard to find when the entire country's eyes were focused on you.

Thinking back to the dates you had already been on, a thought struck you. You were over halfway complete with the first round. Four men had graced your life, while only three men were left waiting in the wings. It was an odd thought that you had met so many different personalities in the past two weeks. At times, this whole experience felt like a fever dream.

Your evening with Jungkook had been so simple in the best way. When meeting someone with the level of star power he had, you were expecting a big personality. It was refreshing to find him to be so down to earth. He was so expressive and understanding with his words and actions. Talking to him was like talking to a childhood friend. You had been at ease instantly and he still acted as a calming balm to your soul. Running into him in the hallway had only confirmed that.

The day you spent with Hongseok, however, felt like a true first date. It wasn't that you were totally awkward with each other, but you definitely had to warm up. After a strained first interaction, it was easy to see that he was tooth achingly sweet. With an endless supply of jokes and stories, the butterflies in your stomach knew no peace with him. If there was any consolation to your apartment being broken into, it was that he was the one to help you through it.

Rebounding from the shock of losing most of your worldly possessions, San was a perfect date to follow. The man was quite literally a walking green flag. His innocence and naturally cute mannerisms made you feel like you had been dropped inside of a rom com. He was a soft boy. Even after he had been injured, he worried about how you were doing. Plus, you had to begrudgingly admit, you kind of liked the nickname he had given you.

Your last date had still left you reeling. Being with Jackson was like constantly holding your breath. He was incredibly kind, but also incredibly hot. He oozed sex appeal, and it was easy to get lost in the idea of a first kiss with him. His date had been a little more involved than the others, but you felt like it had represented him well. He had so many different sides to him that it was hard to peg down. He was an enigma, and you were hopeful that you would get to explore your relationship more.

You closed your eyes as you heard a knock on the door. "Y/N," Insu called softly. "It's time."

Taking a deep breath, you nodded to yourself. Another evening date meant another appearance of Insu the chaperone. You knew he was likely to behave better this time, but you still hated that he essentially had to watch you date other people. It was unfair.

Unlocking your door, he pushed gently against it, causing it to swing in toward you. Turning to face him, you were surprised to find a smile on his face.

"Well, aren't you cute."

"Insu..." you warned.

"He said in a totally platonic way," he smirked, motioning for you to come into the hall.

Rolling your eyes, you walked past him, instantly feeling lighter. He had been a bit quiet since your big conversation, so it was nice to see him getting back to himself.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he took his place behind you.

"Nervous," you breathed. "But the good kind I think."

"Good," he hummed. "I know it's been hard to think of anything but the chaos going on around you, but you deserve to have a good time. Really enjoy what's happening."

Shooting a suspicious look over your shoulder, you quirked a brow. "Thanks."

Your expression caused him to laugh. "What?"

"I just..." you murmured, trying to pick your words carefully. "Wasn't expecting for you to be supportive after our conversation the other day."

"I've done my pouting," he sighed. "I just want you to be happy."

Stepping into the elevator at the end of the hall, your heart skipped a beat. He was too good for you anyway.

"Thank you," you said after a moment of silence. "Really."

"There's nothing to thank me for," he offered.

Unable to come up with a reply before the elevator doors slid open, you reached over and gave his bicep a quick squeeze. Shuffling into the lobby, you looked around, surprised to see the driver and camera men the only ones waiting for you.

"What-" you started but were immediately interrupted by Wu.

"Your date wanted to take a different mode of transportation," he sighed. "We're meeting him at the venue."

"Different mode of transportation," Insu clucked. "I wonder what that means."

...

Standing on the sidewalk in front of a record store, you watched the sun begin to set on the horizon. The colors were beautiful, but the lack of direct sunlight already caused the temperature to begin to plummet. Shivering slightly, you tried not to get annoyed. Where was your date?

After another five minutes of waiting, you were jostled from your thoughts by the revving of a loud engine. Looking up, you were surprised to see a large motorcycle easing smoothly up to the curb. Surely that couldn't be...

The driver began to fiddle with his bike, turning it off before reaching for the helmet he had been wearing. Freeing his head, he shook out his hair and ran his fingers through it. Honestly, it felt like you were watching a movie as he slid from the cycle and looked your way.

As soon as your eyes met, it felt like your breath had been stolen from your chest. Who was allowed to be that good looking? Even after popping off a helmet, he looked like a dream.

Shaggy black hair, pouty lips, and doe eyes, the man strode toward you, obviously in no hurry. Dressed in a black jean jacket with a grey hoodie underneath, black jeans, and converse, it looked like he had walked out of a magazine.

Remaining silent until he finally made his way before you, he offered a shy smile. "Hi."

"Hi," you choked out, suddenly overly aware of the lack of saliva in your mouth.

Tilting his head as he watched you curiously, he instantly noticed your arms wrapped around your torso. Without saying a word, he tugged off his jean jacket and held it in your direction.

"No, I'm fine-" you started, a natural reaction to not wanting to cause anyone trouble.

Lifting his brows, he shook it a bit. As you continued to stare, he heaved a sigh before walking around you and placing the coat across your shoulders. Stepping back in front of you, he grinned. "I'm Hyungwon, from Monsta X."

"I'm Y/N," you croaked. "From My Idol."

Hyungwon's smile grew in size as heat began to instantly creep up your neck. How did someone's simple existence make you so flustered?

"Nice to meet you, Y/N from My Idol," he chuckled. "Why don't we get you out of the cold and head inside?"

"Yes, inside," you said dumbly, already heated by your sheer embarrassment.

Hyungwon smiled again as he took a place beside you, putting his hand across your lower back to guide you into the building.

His fingers felt like they were searing a hole into the denim. You mentally chided yourself as you stumbled forward. Get it together, Y/N, or risk this being the most mortifying night of your life.

#bts #got7 #monsta x #seventeen #pentagon #stray kids #ateez #svt #monsta x hyungwon #mx hyungwon #hyungwon #chae hyungwon #hyungwon fluff #hyungwon angst #hyungwon x reader

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samijami · 2 months

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@staff I don't understand what's happening at all,

First I start getting harassed for God knows how long, staff bans individual accounts--ignoring the fact that it's a whole party of people, and multiple alts were being made,

For over 3 years, this was continued, but I normalised it and 'got over it'. And over those 3 years I have been:

-doxxed of my IP and address; school

-doxxed of my deadname

-doxxed of private conversations I've had with people (believe it or not, people were surprised and even offended at this point that I'm asexual, yet engage in smut with people my age occasionally)

-had mine and my friend's lives threatened, all while being repetitively sent SA threats, one in which I was sent my address and threatened that I would be killed in like 2 hours

-sent gore and porn

-continuously mocked, and demeaned based on my trauma with CSA, sexual harassment, child abuse, and neglection

-all the while, being dehumanised and relentlessly harassed for every little thing the harassers could get their hands on, mainly being my trans and asexual identity; along with CSA experience

-and more

And staff is sitting here,

-deleting a post of mine, without a proper link back to the post that was deleted, and with no clear reason why other than it being a 'user generated report' and my blog containing 'gore and self harm imagery' (which it does not)

-ignoring my emails for 5 days as of now. One was sent on the 24th, another on the 26th, another sent today

-not even bothering to send me an 'email request received' email on my last email I sent

-not addressing the current harassment other than banning one account related to it (@bahumbug6900) which is an account that seemed to be abandoned after I blocked it anyways

Tumblr is so hopeless, and I don't even know what to say or do anymore. Tumblr staff responds to reports on me, yet won't even respond to my reports on harassment. Nothing genuinely useful is being done to assist me.

Staff, do you want another incident like this? Cuz you've got it, and you asked for it. And I got a feeling you're not going to do anything about it.

#tw sa mention #tw csa mention #tw harassment #tw child harassment

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gavisuntiedboot · 3 months

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Hey I just saw your post about thinking of deleting your blog, may I ask why? I haven't seen your blog in a while because I've been going through so much work and haven't been here.

Is it because of the annoying zionists in your asks? Or is it just you not wanting to have this blog?

If it's because you're Palestinian and you're struggling a lot, i know a simple sorry won't help but I can't believe how you must feel 💔. Inshallah Allah ruins the zionists all now or in the afterlife 🙏

Hello lovelies,

So I’ve been gone for a minute, neglecting this blog and my asks and everything because I just can’t bring myself to really interact with internet content centered around stuff other than Palestine.

I was thinking about deleting my blog just because I feel like I’m cluttering up the internet with nonsense. I’ll be on my phone seeing all the notifications of people liking my football writing and smut and I just feel like garbage because why is this what people are seeing? I have a following of almost 2k and all I contribute is filth.

I’ve also been prepping for the MCAT and just feeling rather depressed in general. A lot of my moots on here are gone and there’s not really a community like there was when I first started after the World Cup.

I am thinking of developing my series into a proper book (same general story, not real players, much better structure and grammar). If I did that and posted on AO3, would that be of interest?

(Also for all the people hooked on that series who reread it religiously - I have cross-posted it on Wattpad. So if I ever do delete this blog, JP will be alive and well on the internet. DW).

#gavisuntiedboot #gavisuntiedbootasks #gub just pretend #gubtalksaboutpali

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mdhwrites · 1 year

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Idk if you talked about this before but what's your thoughts on the Blight parents' relationship? Asking this mainly because I saw a long post saying all of Alador's actions were forced by Odalia (even the scene of telling Amity to drop Willow) and the only reason he neglected the kids was because he worked to protect them hence he wasn't abusive. Imo he and Odalia got along fine in their debut so when the "odalia abused alador" reveal dropped it was surprising for me. Since they were also hexside friends, I wonder if the show would've explored that aspect of their relationship before it went downhill (it would've been cool as Odalia as a character feels wasted)

I absolutely have talked about this before, in part because between S1 and 2, the Blight Family was actually one of the most interesting parts about the show for me. They were literally the first blog I wrote about TOH because I thought people treated them unfairly, especially Odalia, because High Society Characters are different from ones we normally sympathize with. If you want to see that version of the Blights, where they're both neglectful and making mistakes but also genuinely meaning well by their kids, I have a story called The Power of Love that explores a LOT of TOH's post S1 potential but especially Amity and her family alongside with making Boscha a real character. I've also just talked about them being shit in the past but I really want to focus on this in this blog: They're both terrible people. Everyone likes to focus on the fact that Odalia is a greedy capitalist but an honest story would recognize that Alador is a mad scientist. That Odalia would sell her children to get ahead while Alador would experiment on them if allowed or if he saw it as useful to his research. He makes robots though, so that's never in question. Amity ONLY gets Alador's attention... By besting his own creation. He watches that whole fight in Escaping Expulsion like he's studying it and liking the results. So yeah, he notices Amity is strong and is able to use that against Odalia to make her not be the dumbest form of villain, so they can claim to have some sort of principles... But how much do you really think that matters to him?

His statement when Luz tries to end the fight by saying the investors get it is that she has a point. Not that they are maybe going too far or that the abomiton's job of destruction is bad but just that the point has been made. Because that's what matters to him. After all, they specifically know that this creature is going to kill Luz. This isn't an interesting experiment for Alador. He doesn't care. He'd rather get this over with so he can go back to his lab.

Even Clouds on the Horizon actually reinforces this. Yes, he complains about not having a weekend off in five years... But that's FIVE. FUCKING. YEARS. There's a point where you know... Maybe he should have complained about this? Questioned anything. But that raises the question of: Before this... What the fuck else was he doing with his time? Both Escaping Expulsion and Reaching Out have him entirely in mad scientist mode where you might distract him for a moment but he will just keep working and ignore everything around him. That's part of WHY he likes Odalia. Odalia loves to talk. Loves to be social. Loves to remove the part he doesn't care about and easily gets distracted during. Even in Clouds on the Horizon, he doesn't explicitly state that his complaint is a lack of time with his kids. He's finally feeling it now because, if we're generous, Amity opened his eyes but... That implies he's a good person. That he just needed a reminder of who he was deep down, just like his daughter did (because Amity frankly has similar issues to this). But... if he were a good person, jokes like 'Immediate execution" would be done instead by having imply that the punishment is very light, revealing that his true nature, when he's not thinking, is kind. But it's not. It's more extreme than expulsion and goes all the way to murder. And why shouldn't it? He still had to have had this talk with Odalia. Agreed with the outcome. Learned the lines. If he was mad about it, he doesn't need to be at that meeting. He could be home working. This was instead important enough to him to get him out of the house. Same goes with dismissing Willow. He took time out of his day for that and didn't keep on script. Him cutting Amity off is not his job there unless he wants it to be. He defers power to Odalia though because she is better than him at this stuff. She is comfortable interacting with other people in ways he is not and their relationship is pretty much divided by those lines. It's very businesslike but neither person actually gives a fuck about people so why shouldn't it be more about collaborating strengths than it is anything emotional? And here's the thing: I'm just going by what the show shows us. Because if we claim Odalia made Alador do everything he does in the show... Who is Alador? We never get a real glimpse of that. If we even say the abomatons aren't something he wants, then he isn't an inventor. The best we have is he'd like to be a layabout and that doesn't technically include his kids. He could just be lazy then and do whatever he wants because that's what he already did... But at least he was making something.

The closest we have to anything else is Amity claiming that he used to spend time with his kids. We have literally no evidence of this, his personality doesn't support the claim, he didn't give a shit about Amity's well being until she challenged his creations as he was entirely on board with destroying social life, twice, so why should we think he was some paragon? Why should we believe Amity who doesn't even go on to ask about his fate once they're back in the Isles and she sees her siblings? Who seemed to care MUCH about her mother's opinion for Reaching Out rather than literally ever bringing up her dad?

It's revisionist in a way that tries to rewrite their dynamic into something more complex than it was. To try and make there be a point to Alador when him having control of the Abomatons doesn't even go anywhere because they still get shot down and still have to leave Alador behind to fight the damn things while they go rescue Luz. Cut out literally the entirety of Clouds on the Horizon and make it the Hexide kids rushing to the Day of Unity instead and you have a different force that can hold back the abomatons while Amity and co go off to help Luz. Worse yet, replace abomatons with "Elite EC Coven Scouts" and you effectively get the same result making Alador and Odalia even more pointless besides a very minor road bump on Amity's character arc all things said and done with how easy her rebellion against them is. They have no point in the story so people are going to scramble for some deeper meaning. Some reason they should exist by having them tackle something as provocative as domestic abuse or the like. But it doesn't. Instead, it's just inconsistent, wasteful writing that has no point to exist when the main character it should be affecting, Amity, is barely a part of any of it. She has some of the least screentime of any character in Escaping Expulsion. She isn't a part of her dad's transformation in Clouds except in an abstract way where Alador just wanting to spend more time video gaming would have been as meaningful with how shit their relationship is at the end of Reaching Out because they wouldn't even let us have a hug in that episode between the two because TOH refuses to just let a plotline end simply even when it involves extremely minor characters. And Reaching Out is the closest we come. An episode where Alador still rigs an entire abomaton to make sure Amity goes to the tryouts without knowing it's Odalia's dream not hers. And if Odalia really was the reason he did EVERYTHING... Shouldn't he know her better than that? Almost like maybe he sees the EC as a good future for Amity too because that's success and he clearly cares about success to some extent. Otherwise, he wouldn't have married a woman as greedy as Odalia. And even if in real life, I've watched a relationship turn toxic the minute they got married, nothing about either character, from their Hexide days, to a decade ago, to now, seems all that different from each other. They just now have kids they neglect or use as free labor. And yes, it's really that simple, no matter how much that fucking blows. And a final note actually: This is my interpretation. We get such little time with Alador and Odalia that statements like "This is why he likes her" are going to be somewhat subjective by how you interpret their relationship. If you think it's as shallow as Alador just found her hot and married her because of that and has been trapped for 16+ years... Well, A: why are you trying to paint him as sympathetic when you seem to not like him? but B: why hasn't her mistreatment been even longer? More over the top? We're just missing basic answers to these characters because they're so bog standard (even if Odalia feels like she comes from the 80s or 90s cartoons more than literally anything I grew up with) that I have to stretch and use literally every scrap of screentime we get with these characters because not only do they get so little of it, their family/kids reflect such little about themselves because none of the elements cohere into something whole. They're bad and really only stand out for that fact versus other one off villains because, well, they're related to Amity. But they're also dealt with just as easily as any villain of the week the show does so they have this weird contrast between Amity's importance and the importance the show actually gives them. Which again: Sucks.

#Odalia Blight #Alador Blight #the owl house criticism #toh critical

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nataliaphantomhivesblog · 8 months

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What are your current fandoms??

OH MY GOD!!! I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME THIS!! LETS GOOOO🥳🥳🥳

1. Black Butler<3

It would've been incredibly distasteful to not put this beauty on top of my list. I have been a fan of this one since 5th grade, the literal backbone of my insanity.

I may complain monthly over the agnoizingly short chapters, but the narrative and storytelling in this manga is one of my favorites ever.

Although you didn't ask, I have the need to mention: Ciel Phantomhive is my child!!

And yes, I am still awaiting Prince Soma's return.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a sebaciel wierdo and my space doesn't welcome the romanticization of pedophila. "waah waah but it's fiction!" okay?? my account is dedicated on fictional stories and characters and I don't want your wacky shit here. Thank you in advance.

2. Bungou Stray Dogs!!!

What a crime it would've been if I didn't mention the reason my account grew in the first place!!

BSD has such a special place in my heart. Tbh bsd saved me during the downfall that was 2021.

I think people who aren't new to my blog know I'm a sucker for Soukoku. I've made extensive analysis on their relationships for 3 years now. When will this brainrot end!?!?

And oh, of course I am forever greatful to the lovely @ryuuaka713 for collaborating with me on various post, I couldn't have done it without her!! Hope life treats you well! You got a tumblr friend always rooting for ya<3

ALSO: If any of you ever want to ask me anything regarding bsd that isn't Soukoku, please do! I love bsd as a whole and would be happy to answer<3

3. Berserk

Let me make one thing clear!!! I am NOT a berserk reddit fanboy who completely ignores and neglects the narrative of this story in order to fill whatever inner void that needs to be filled.

I am suuuper passionate about the Golden Age Arc and the Pre Eclipse era of Berserk, it would be impossible to shut me up about it.

I could go on billion rants about Griffith's character and his actual complexities throughout the narrative. (no, he isn't emotionless, that would destory the whole point of the story lol)

Also I want to give a not-so-subtle shoutout to @bthump for validating every single thought I had while reading Berserk and always providing textual evidence. Thank you for being the light in the darkness of this fandom!

4. Death Note

sighs yes I am still in the fandom of an anime that has only one season and ended so poetically that it makes perfect sense that it doesn't have a continuation yet my brain screams for content when obviously it will never happen.

Before anyone asks, I am not team Light or team L, both of them are selfish people and used others lives in order to beat one another.

I am a constant defender of the fact that the Death Note consumed Light. Not only is it textually stated; but it's visually stated

(Light's eyes get wider and more innocent looking for a reason when he forgets the death note guys!!!)

Anyways, this story is absolutely awesome and I think most people can agree with that.

I don't rewatch this anime often, but when I do I get shooked by the big brain plans and big brain confrontations lmao.

5. Moral Orel

"MORAL OREL SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CANCELLED!! FOOLISH PEOPLE FEARED IT SPOKE TOO MUCH FACTS" I scream into a void, tears fill my eyes as losing my religion by R.E.M plays in the background.

Seriously though, I love this show; a literal masterpiece. I don't think theres any show that made me incredibly concious of how my own family's dynamic worked as this one did.

Has amazing takes of the human condition and contains life long lessons.

I once made a long post about the generational abuse of moral orel if you want to check it out!

Anyways, if you haven't had the glorious chance to watch this masterpiece. PLEASE DO!! I BEG!!! The whole series is out on youtube!

we don't talk about the first 3 episodes!!!

6. Sonic!!!!

I never post anything sonic related on my blog, but I adore Sonic! Not only my childhood, but it continues to pump off amazing content and games.

Fun fact: I have a cute mini sonic keychain my friend gifted me, I take it with me everywhere!!

DID YOU KNOW THAT KELLIN QUINN FROM SLEEPING WITH SIRENS WAS INVOLVED WITH THE SONIC FRONTIERS SOUNDTRACK!?!?!? AAAAAAA I LOVE SONIC GAMES MUSIC AND ITS DIVERSITY

Nobody asked, but my favorie character is Knuckles and Shadow for anyone who wants to know! (No one wants to know but I HAVE THE NEED TO SAY IT.)

anyways yes, I love Sonic, I am at arms-lenght with the fandom since i'm... well... not much into the furry stuff that goes on. But theres lots of fanmade content out there that is super cool!

IN CONCLUSION!?!?!?

I have lots and lots of other fandoms im in but i fear i will go on forever if I keep on talking.

Thank you so much for reading all the way through and please, don't ever hesitate to ask me anything related to any of these fandoms above. Hyper analizing stuff is my speciality after all:D

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koinotame · 4 months

Text

\o/

hi! it's me, nana / koinotame!

if you're wondering why i went inactive and then deleted, my mental health kind of (really) tanked... and i ended up deleting my blog in a fit.

it's getting better bit by bit though! and i've been wanting to get back into writing (and talking abt my unhinged/yan ideas i can't really talk to anyone else abt), so. here i am! for now, at least

as for my previously posted writing, there's some good news and some bad news: the bad news is that everything i wrote directly into tumblr (99% of snippets, a lot of ask answers, most exact content warnings, etc) is gone. the slightly less bad news is that iirc there were very very few posts of mine that weren't reblogged by anyone at all, so they're probably still out there? feel free to send them my way if you find any and i'll rb them. @/midnight-remembrance also has reblogged a couple of them! there's a couple snippets i have saved in some places, so i might repost those on my own as i find them, but there's very few of those. the good news is that anything longer (proper writing — oneshots, hcs, yan alphabet responses and so on, prompt responses, etc) is safely backed up where i originally wrote it! some of it is also on my ao3, which is the same username. feel free to send me asks about any you'd like to see again and i'll repost them! i might not post them if i feel too embarrassed about/wish i hadn't posted them, and i might rewrite/heavily edit some of them, but i think there's only a handful that fall into the former category and none of them were particularly popular. either way, no harm in asking!

as for some other updates: i'm a little divided on whether i want to keep posting explicit nsfw or not so we'll see. i might just keep it out of main tags. idk yet. regardless of what decision i make, this blog is still strictly 18+ and that will not be changing. since we can reply from sideblogs now, this is a sideblog and not my main now. why? sometimes i prefer to check up on a blog frequently instead of following them for a couple of reasons, but this felt very awkward when they were following me. so this being a sideblog relieves a bit of that stress. if this makes it sound like i have severe brain worms, it's because i do. to that effect though, if we interact every so often feel free to consider us mutuals regardless of whether or not i'm actually following you =w=b tbh i.............. am not really into genshin anymore. i might post about it here and there but i just Do Not (really) Care about it anymore. scara aside to some degree i also have no clue what's going on post inazuma lol whatever projects or commitments to writing or etc i had made beforehand. i forgot all of them so just pretend that never happened ok? ok i'll also probably be posting more sparsely, but we'll see! and (this is obviously the most important bit) i have no clue where i put the mika edit so we're back to my og classic pfp. the header scales terribly and is temporary, please ignore that too

all that aside, as a treat for anyone who sees this in time,

*roughly 6/22 done, but fairly quick to write. roughly one paragraph per character (sneak peek line: "it's not too hard to be discreet with his unique magic when someone really deserves to fall face down a flight of stairs. or three. oopsie. odd they don't remember it, huh? well, he had nothing to do with that.") **more realistic isn't quite the right word(s)... probably won't post this one to the main tags regardless. won't be doing all of the characters (only important/relevant ones) and won't be writing more about/expanding on, so this one is just like. a one off experiment sort of thing. overall less violent than most takes on the au + leans a bit (or lot, depending on how you look at it) more on the religious aspect of self aware aus. i wrote a couple paragraphs a while ago, then rewrote them, but i'll only finish/post them if there's interest for it (sneak peek line: "aether has deluded himself and cast You aside entirely on his own—and when You finally grace them with Your real presence, zhongli is certain aether will be the first to fall from Your grace.")

i have one other new thing immediately ready for posting that'll get posted in a couple of days but that one's pretty silly

#koinotame #and hi to the three people that found this blog before i posted this o/#long post #i ended up writing a lot. ehem.#<- the type to always have trouble getting essays down to the max word limit #if nobody ends up seeing this. well. it'll be here still when i post some actual writing #q

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distort-opia · 2 years

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I love your Batman meta related posts, and I enjoy reading through them. I’ve noticed that a common theme in some of them revolve around Bruce being an abusive parent. I’m sorry if this is too much to ask, but may you please go over some examples of Bruce being abusive to the batfam, and how it’s not an OOC characterization for him?

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my occasional Batman thoughts. Indeed, I've expressed more than once that I do believe Bruce is an abusive parent -- though I feel like others before me have articulated the reasons for it far better. Which is why I will offer some of my opinions below, but I will also redirect you to a couple of metas on this topic I myself agreed with and found interesting, which contain examples of Bruce being abusive (with comic receipts a lot of the time): here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here... look, pretty much go through the “Batman’s C+ parenting” tag of bitimdrake’s blog :)) Many bingeable good metas to read.

I think it's very important to note that abuse is a heavy and complicated topic. People perceive and deal with abuse very differently; and people become abusers in different ways. You can certainly encounter individuals who maliciously and intentionally use their power or privilege to abuse others, but more often than not it's not that simple. It's not that black and white. Sometimes, a parent might genuinely love their child, but they might have no idea how to express themselves healthily or raise them, and they might end up doing a lot of emotional damage to their child because of it. And in my opinion, Bruce falls in the second category. He doesn't intend to harm his children, emotionally or physically -- but he ends up doing it nonetheless, again and again. That’s not to say Bruce can’t be a good parent. He has been; he’s supported the Family, he’s praised them, he’s shown them he cares, and I’m pretty sure he’d die for them if he needed to. And that’s the most interesting part: he’s a realistic parent with abusive tendencies. He’s human. He’s fallible. He loves his children and he tries his best, and he’s learned a lot over time; but he also makes a lot of mistakes.

I’ll go into more detail on each type of abusive behavior he displays (so warning for that), and why I don’t consider it OOC, under the cut. Because I was like ‘haha I’ll just link some metas’ but then I got long again. Sigh.

It's a joke that's made a lot, how Batman is supposed to be a loner, and yet he has one of the most extensive Families and ally circles in DC. But once you get to know the character, it's not at all a contradiction. Bruce lost his family, and that trauma shaped him. It's the basis of Batman. It makes perfect sense that he'd yearn to create one of his own... but the problem is, his desire for connection is many times outweighed by his absolute, paralyzing fear of it. If he has a family, if he has people he cares about, then he can lose them. Bruce is terrified of loss, and this fear is one of the main roots of his pattern of emotional abuse.

This pattern tends to manifest in three forms. The first is neglect. He distances himself from his children, treats them as soldiers in his neverending war on crime, keeps them at arms length -- both because he wants it to hurt less if he loses them, and because he's never developed a healthy way of dealing with his own or others' emotions. In many ways, it's self-preservation, and not just towards the Family. In general, Bruce's repression, intellectualization, and emotional distancing is a way to avoid being hurt. This drives his belief that emotional attachments are, in the end, a weakness. He can't focus on the Mission if he's constantly worried about the people fighting alongside him... but he also needs them. And here one of Bruce's darker traits come in, too: his ruthlessness. He can't be everywhere all at once, he can't operate alone and be as efficient as when having a small army of trained soldiers at his side. For the sake of the Mission being fulfilled, and with the goal of protecting Gotham and saving as many people as possible, he allows the Batfamily to exist. Bruce is capable of 'turning off' his emotions and only acting in the interest of a higher goal, in a way that's hurt and pissed off his friends and Family multiple times. I'm not at all saying he doesn't love them, or care about them. That's the crux of the matter. He does care, and he's afraid of what happens when he cares, which again and again prompts him to act cold and distant and emotionally push them away. But, ironically enough, it's this exact same issue that leads him to display the third kind of emotionally abusive behavior: excessive control.

Bruce has been shown to be invasive and manipulative, wanting the Family to follow his orders and punishing them in various ways when they don’t -- because, if you're terrified of losing something, one way to ensure you're not going to lose it is to contain it, and never take your eyes off it. Carefully control it. See, he can't entirely cut all ties, both because he loves the Family and because he needs them from a utilitarian point of view. But he can try to emotionally protect himself by distancing, and he can try to protect them by controlling them... by knowing everything that goes on in their lives, and (sadly) trying to get them to make choices he would make. He’s got a bit of a thing when it comes to rewarding the Family for acting the same way he does. It’s a complicated mix of Bruce’s arrogance, God complex and that controlling overprotective streak I mentioned; it’s ‘I think of every worst-case scenario and prepare for everything and train for everything and essentially try to become God, so if you act the same way I do, you will be safer and less likely to get hurt.’

The third form of his emotionally abusive pattern is the expectation for others to prioritize and handle his emotions. This pretty much follows the other two kinds; Bruce does say very hurtful things, he pushes people away, he keeps secrets and refuses to ask for help or include his children in intimate aspects of his life; but he also expects them to not let him do it, and it's... this one is really tough. I don't think it's ever quite hit him, the realization of his egocentrism: the way he makes so many things about himself. His emotions and his state of being are the priority, for his kids, and they always watch out for Bruce's anger, for his self-destructive tendencies, for signs of him retreating so they can pull him back from the brink, and the thing is, that's not their job. The kid is not supposed to take care of the parent, it's supposed to be the other way around. But more often than not, it's not Bruce handling his childrens' emotions, it's them navigating his. Dick and Tim, especially, are subject to this. Hell, Tim basically became Robin because he saw how Bruce was spiralling and went 'is no one gonna take care of that??', stepping into the role himself when Dick refused to (and good for him). And thing is, while a huge part of why Bruce adopted and trained them is empathizing with their traumas and caring about them, another part of it is... a need for grounding himself. Bruce knows he's always walking the line. He knows he's got a lot of darkness that he's always fighting to keep contained, and he can't manage it alone. He keeps himself human through his connections, his attachments; his Family, most of all. And so, it's not surprising that his children end up having to chase Bruce and figure out his emotions and take care of him, make him socialize and act like a person -- it's part of why Bruce forged these relationships in the first place. But it's still not fair to any of them. And it's impacted them in various unhealthy ways. There's certainly an argument to be made that some of them began to base their value, and self-worth, in how useful they were to Bruce. Bruce's approval is something that's so deeply craved in the core Family circle, and it's... sigh. It's downright insidious, sometimes. Bruce does so many shitty things, but they keep coming back, often at token signs of apology from Bruce or barely any crumbs at all.

And if it were only that. But Bruce's grief and his fear of loss always turn to anger. Batman is fueled by that anger, and Bruce has... lots of issues in dealing with it and venting it in a healthy way (see the above general issues in handling his own emotions). And so, you have the pattern of physical abuse, and not just the emotional I described above. In his grief and his anger, Bruce has exploded and hit his children more than once. It's tough to say who suffered more from this: Dick or Jason. Maybe Jason, since Bruce's tremendous amount of guilt and self-hatred towards him just turns into more anger, and that translates into even more potential violence. Especially when Jason breaches Bruce's rules. He gets very angry when anyone breaches his imposed rules, especially the no-killing one, and here’s where his harmful need for absolute control and some of that arrogance come in. Bruce justifies this kind of behavior in various ways (and the narrative does too, because it has to -- Batman has to be the hero), the most prevalent excuse being his treatment of them as soldiers, or a downright refusal to admit he’s even viewed as a father figure by them. This is an overarching issue in itself, his reluctance to admit he’s wrong.

In the end, so much of this has roots in Bruce’s trauma, which is the main reason why I don’t see it as OOC. He tries to save everyone because he couldn’t save his parents back then. He’s so controlling because he cannot even conceive of ever being that helpless again; he’s terrified of losing the people he cares about and still so incandescently angry at the criminals that took them away. Needless to say, he’s plenty neurodivergent, too. And disappearing for over a decade and training for being Batman, being away from Alfred and having his parents taken away at such a young age... never afforded him the opportunity to learn healthy ways of emotionally regulating himself. Neither did it teach him to reach out to others in a healthy way. And all the resulting issues, that he’s never truly dealt with constructively, converge in all the ways Bruce has fallen into abusive behaviors as a parental figure.

Hope you’ve found this an interesting read! I tried to keep it as general as possible, seeing as the metas before I’ve linked are a lot more specific. I also want to assert that this is my personal assessment of Bruce’s character, and that (obviously) everyone is free to create their own interpretation; I take no issue with people who prefer to headcanon and write Bruce solely as a good parent. But the canon reality of him not being one does exist, and is still interesting to dissect.

#thank you for the ask anon!#in the end I did write meta too #Bruce you truly contain multitudes #asks #batman #bruce wayne #batman meta #bruce wayne meta #batfam #batfam meta #abuse #abuse cw #my meta

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