#i’m so sad we don’t get to see what their dynamic would’ve grown into

[johns-diqi]

The saga of “what ifs” continues

If John had lived yk these sentimental fuckers would redo the David Bailey photo shoot but now that they’re old and i’d eat up every moment of it. I want a fanart of this B A D

#PUHLEASE #they’d be the ultimate power couple of the 21st century fym nuh uh #i’m so sad we don’t get to see what their dynamic would’ve grown into #they’d bully each other on twitter and John would’ve written fanfiction why do we have to miss out on this #the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon #david bailey

[lila-pitts-apologist]

Not to rise from the dead and post on here after months, but I wanted to touch on an aspect of the show that I feel is misunderstood by the fandom, especially in season 3.

I hate to bring it up at all, but I’m talking about Luther and Allison’s relationship(?). I know it’s a part of the series that most of us ignore or joke about, but in actuality it sheds light on how the siblings were raised, especially Allison, in a sadly realistic way.

While I obviously see Allison and Luther’s relationship as troublesome and unhealthy/weird, I don’t think I have the same ‘gawk in disgust’ reaction other people in the fandom seem to have when the complexity of the relationship is brought up.

This isn’t because I think incest (what I would label the relationship, even if it was more emotional than physical!) is acceptable, but because I think it makes total sense within the show, especially within the character dynamics of Allison and Luther.

Even though it’s a hard thing to bring up, sibling incest is more common than we think. It’s not always full-out or malicious, but it does occur way more often than most of us would assume. Specifically, it’s more likely to occur amongst siblings that are not properly socialized as youths, or ones who are full on isolated.

When we think of isolation we think of olden time families living on a farm cut off from any other societies, and I feel like that makes people underestimate how much the Hargreeves siblings were isolated from their peers and just other people.

I mean, we’ve seen Reginald’s parenting! The kids make their superhero debut at age 11, and by the way it’s described who knows if the kids ever even properly went outside before then. Growing up the Hargreeves had only the seven of them (6 if we account for Viktor’s separation).

All of the personal growth, all of the curiosity about the outside world, all of the teenage melancholia and growing pains, all of it has to occur within the bounds of the seven siblings because there’s literally no one else.

So of course this is going to make for oddly bonded children! Of course they’re going to blur the lines of what siblings should act like, because they know no objective standards! We see this in their competitiveness stemming from being pitted against each other, we see it in their ‘ride or die’ mindset even when they don’t like each other, and we see it in Allison and Luther.

I see the fandom spin it into Allison and Luther being freaks, especially as the other siblings find it odd as well. While I agree it’s weird, I think it’s unfair to paint it simply as ‘grown adults have a thing for their own sibling’ because we’re then ignoring their unique upbringing.

I mean, i find it hard to even treat the siblings as adults on an emotional level, because they were never truly allowed the development needed to grow into stable, mature adults.

You have one sibling who is reared to crave attention and validation, who didn’t see much kindness or empathy due to his envy-inducing status as Number 1. And you have another sibling who is purposely left devoid of proper morals, who is used to getting everything she wants and being wanted by everyone in the way she wants them to, by charm or by force.

Is it really hard to see what those siblings would find in each other, the validation that they surely would’ve found in non-relatives had they been allowed to grow up normally?

One of my favorite parts of TUA is that it’s not afraid to give us a fucked up family, exploring how such an unorthodox childhood allows for ugliness to rear its head in the craziest places. To me, the too-intimate bond of Allison and Luther isn’t something to just be written off as an awkward writing choice, it’s another very real and sad example of how the Hargreeves’ morals and minds were doomed from the start.

#pretty sure this is too long for anyone to want to read #thanks for coming to my TED talk #tua #tua s1 #the umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #luther hargreeves #is this fandom hibernating until s4 comes out??

[mutant-enthusiast-08]

Well well well, I’ve finally finished the Facts of Life and man it really went out with a whimper didn’t it 😭.

As much as I enjoyed some parts of season 9, I definitely think I’d rather have the finale for Season 8 be the ending of the show since it fit so well. A bonus to that would be not having to see Jo and Rick get married which I did not enjoy.

Going into the show knowing that Jo was going to get married at the end, I already knew disappointment was in store but I thought it’d be better than this! Jo and Rick’s relationship isn’t fleshed out AT ALL and I have no idea why Jo likes this guy, we didn’t even see them get together, they just start dating out of the blue!!! Having Tootie and Jeff get married in that episode is would’ve made much more sense and I think I would’ve really liked that.

I also really didn’t enjoy them femming Jo up so much this season. As a sort of masc presenting person myself, it really grinds my gears when female masculinity is treated as a phase that you’ll eventually grow out of. More than that, I just don’t think it made sense for Jo as a character to start dressing this way all of a sudden. Also, knowing that Jo becomes a cop in the reunion movie makes absolutely no sense when looking at the person she’s become by season 9.

I didn’t have any big problems with Natalie or Tootie’s storylines this season, in fact I really enjoyed them and I think they made it through to the end of the show pretty in tact as characters.

I do wish Blair had been able to consistently keep some of the character development she gained over the years. They have so many instances of her being ignorant and stuck up when she’s really grown more than that by now. I know it’s for comedy but it still makes me a little sad.

Finally, Jo and Blair’s dynamic. The premiere of season 9 had me hopeful but sadly, it didn’t maintain. Oh how I long for the casual intimacy they had in seasons 5 and 6. Those girls were together every second back then!!! They’d enter the store together, hang out together, go to events together, study together, and we get very little of that this season. It’s back to the old pretending like we hate each other shtick, which, I guess I understand, it’s a sitcom and people eat that stuff up, but man, if character continuity mattered more, I think they’d be just as amiable as in their early college days.

All that said and grievances aside, I’m still so glad I found this show. It’s made me super happy over the past few months and I think that happiness will carry on even longer . Though I’m sad to think about what the later seasons could have been, I still have the episodes where it was in its prime to rewatch and that’s good enough for me 😌

P.S if I were in charge, I never would’ve moved to Over Our Heads, Edna’s Edibles was my favorite era of the show



#the facts of life #facts of life #tfol #edna garrett #jo polniaczek #blair warner #natalie green #tootie ramsey #dorothy ramsey #jo x blair #blair x jo #warnerczek #80s tv shows #my thoughts #Charlotte Rae #kim fields #mindy cohn #lisa whelchel #nancy mckeon

[mislamicpearl]

Oh my gosh I loved the episode “The Administration” from Dragons: Rising! The one after it was great too, honestly the first really good episodes in part 2 so far. I’ve been despairing over how bland and boring this revival has been, what with the dragged out fetch quest for the dragon cores and the really uninteresting dynamics between the old and new characters (Wyldfire and Kai WOULD’VE been fun if she wasn’t so unlikeable, but even that was improved in these episodes). “The Administration” finally gave us an entertaining location (and by entertaining I mean SUS AF), and genuinely funny character moments rather than painfully unfunny jokes with obvious punchlines. Also, most importantly, FEELS! Oh my gosh I so love how they're doing Kai this season, he has matured and grown SO much and they’re really taking the time to show it (and also still OWNING the big brother role!), that conversation he had with Wyldfire where he talked about how he learned patience from Master Wu (during his depression when he LOST HIS SISTER T_T) was soooo cute! And then him just… literally being her dad in the next episode even while the others are there?? PLEASE, she is his daughter I don’t caaaaare!

And Zaaaaaane being awesome and a good boy, I’m so glad they brought him back, and that line from Lloyd, “Zane, not that we don’t love you,” aaaahh X3. And and and COLE SAYING GOODBYE TO NYA, WHY WAS THAT SO SAD AND WHERE ARE THEY SENDING YOU ANYWAY COLE??? You haven’t even seen the others yet, I need to see huuuugggs!!!

Oh my God and my sisters going absolutely nuts the whole episode begging for Jay and him STILL catching them by surprise just suddenly appearing out of nowhere XD. BUT WHY DID WE LEAVE HIM THERE, YOU GET HIM RIGHT BACK!

Phew, so yeah, the villains still suck, and Sora and Arin are still really boring, but at least the heart of the OG ninja is slowly returning.

#mispearl cartoon thoughts #mispearl ninjago thoughts #ninjago dragons rising

[ecargmura]

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End Episode 17 Review - See You Later, Sein

There wasn’t a Frieren episode last week due to it being the holidays in Japan. Now that everyone had their fun with festivities, it’s back to anime broadcasting over there and anime reviews here with me. I’m glad to be returning to writing Frieren reviews because my Fridays don’t feel the same without this show now. The show returns with a new opening and a change in the ending animation while using the second verse of the same song; while the second opening isn’t as strong as the first one, it has its own flair.

Basically, this episode is buildup to Sein finally leaving the group and how they get by without him. I’m actually sad that Sein left the group because he felt like the perfect companion that balanced the group dynamic. He’s both the older brother and father figure of the group. He’s someone Frieren can give praises to and talk on equal grounds with due to their similarities. He’s a mediator when Fern and Stark get into an argument and undeniably their biggest shipper as he shouted for them to get together; he’s been saying what we’ve all been thinking in that Stark and Fern should get together because they’re so perfect for each other (and because he’s tired of being their therapist).

He came on this journey to find Gorilla who happens to be in a village on the other side of Frieren’s destination. That’s the reason why they decide to part. I do like how Sein did struggle at first on whether he should part with the group because he has grown so attached to them. Since his story is about not living with anymore regrets, that’s what he does. He takes a step forward and goes on his way to finding Gorilla. I did like that their departure was brief. There wasn’t any emotional good-byes or anything. All Frieren said was “See you later, Sein.” I just hope this means Sein will return because no one says “See you later” to someone and never see them again. Sein better return with Gorilla. I’d love to see the group’s dynamic with Gorilla in tow; it’d probably be crazy. Now that Sein left, they lack a healer. While Frieren isn’t a healer, she does have knowledge of basic holy magic and herbs. Sein’s presence still lingers as he left a notebook of medicinal herbs just in case they get hurt. Sein is the group’s dad; there’s no denying it. 

The group’s dynamic minus Sein remains the same how it was before he joined, but they do feel a bit closer now. However, the second half of the episode has it where we see Frieren and Stark bonding and Stark learning more about the relationship between Frieren and Fern. Since we rarely see Frieren and Stark without Fern, it was a nice episode to see how they’re like without her. They’re both awkward people, but their interactions are surprisingly mature. From the time Stark spent with both ladies, he knows how they are. The Frieren he knows is a powerful mage, but a lazy and awkward person. To see her rather softer and motherly side towards Fern is a rare sight that even surprises him. He doesn’t find it bad; I think he rather enjoys learning a newer side of Frieren. I think it’s always a good thing to see different sides to people even if you know them for a long time.

I did like that Frieren enjoying learning and bonding with people was because of the time she spent with Himmel, Heiter and Eisen. Getting Sein to go on a journey was because it was what Himmel would’ve done as he did it for her long ago. A lot of her actions after Himmel’s death has been because of her bond with the hero. Himmel has been a driving force for everyone in the party. His kindness is his strongest trait. It’s the reason why Heiter adopted Fern. It’s the reason why Eisen adopted Stark. It’s the reason why Frieren decided to go on a new journey to learn about people; a result of her wanting to learn about people is how she held Fern’s hand when she was sick. Himmel had held her hand when she had a cold; it left a huge impact on her, hence why she does it with Fern. Himmel said that children aren’t the only ones that need emotional support in times of sickness, which was why Frieren goes so far to praise adults with head pats and hold Fern’s hand; she learned how to be emotional support and is using that knowledge. I think this scene was rather impactful because it’s an amalgamation of what Frieren learned throughout her life thanks to Himmel.

I do like how the party has terrible luck when it comes to winter as they got stuck in another blizzard. Fortunately, the area they were in had a small village, so they didn’t have to be stuck in a lone cabin with little resources like how it was back in Episode 11. I also noticed that they prayed before eating their food, so the lessons they learned with Kraft is stuck with them now. I really like seeing small details like this. It shows growth and development from the main party. My favorite parts of the episode was when Frieren and Stark found the icicle cherry blossom tree. That was a beautiful tree. However, the funniest part was when Frieren found the mushroom and Stark freaked out over how large it looks when foraged; the part where she mixes the ingredients in a big cauldron like a witch was hilarious too! Frieren and Stark were so cute in the second part of the episode.

Now that they’re going to reach Äußerst in the next episode. Since the mage exam will focus on Fern and Frieren, what will Stark do when the exam happens? Wait around? I just hope this exam arc will be good. Bringing in a bunch of new characters at once can definitely be a hit or miss since “tournament” arcs usually drag a show. I hope it isn’t the case with Frieren. What are your thoughts on this episode?

#frieren beyond journey's end #sousou no frieren #frieren #fern #stark #sein #review #anime #anime review #ecargmura #arum journal

[princessfbi]

Hi my favourite Buckley Siblings person. I need some serotonin after reading some horrifically hot takes that basically said that Maddie and Buck is not a healthy dynamic and she has no boundaries when it comes to him.

So, I was wondering if you could give your too reasons as to why the Buckley siblings are elite? 💜

Isn't that always the curse of the eldest daughter? To be invalidated in your feelings and your trauma because you're expected to perform to an expectation that can be crippling. There's a joke somewhere along the lines of "are you an overachiever or were you just the eldest daughter?" that seems fitting this morning.

I mean let's talk about Margaret and Philip's history of invalidating their children's feelings for a second.

They forced Maddie to never talk about a brother who died that she remembered and had known for most of her life. Maddie was nine. She would've been a fourth grader! She was a kid who still had to walk in a single file line down the halls. Do you know what the big deal was when I was in fourth grade? I got to have my classes upstairs on the second floor. That was the big monumental life change for me in that grade. It was a big deal.

Maddie was a fourth grader who lost her brother, didn't even have a grasp of the concept of what death meant, was told to pretend Daniel didn't exist, and was aware enough that her whole life had changed.

That's a fourth grader being told never to talk about someone ever again. A fourth grader who is then taken away from her home, her memories, her friends and forced to pretend like nothing was wrong.

There's a reason emotional neglect has such a clear through line to later in life abuse. It's this idea that Margaret and Philip perpetuated with Maddie that there has to be this performance. Nobody understands our suffering and judges us. It both alienates a child and teaches said child that the world will not understand you if things are different. You see that with the way Maddie hides things with Doug, she makes excuses for him, it's different with her and Doug, she judges other victims of domestic abuse when they come into the hospital, and she deflects. All of this she learned from her parents.

Maddie hiding the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip hiding Daniel's death/their grief

Maddie making excuses for Doug 🤝 Philip making excuses for Margaret

It's different with her and Doug 🤝 Philip and Margaret crying victim about people judging them for having Buck because obviously that's not the same thing as other people who procreate children to save other children

Maddie judging other victims 🤝 Margaret and Philip judging Maddie for attaching herself onto someone who loves her (questionable but I think in Doug's own way he did)

Maddie deflecting about the abuse 🤝 Margaret and Philip deciding to move away and never talk about Daniel again

You see them do it again and again to Maddie ("You don't know what it's like you're not a mother yet") so it's no wonder Maddie does it to herself. She'd gotten used to it. You see her do it to herself with Buck, Chimney, Sue, Josh, and then for a brief moment when she's struggling with the PPD.

Maddie deflects but she also makes a point to not let Buck do that. That's why it's so meaningful that she came to talk to him after he revealed he was going to therapy because she thought he wouldn't want to talk about it freely with Chimney around. That's why she prods when Buck makes excuses for Abby's behavior towards him. That's why her scene where she calls Buck sad and lonely is so important. That sticks with Buck and instead of getting angry about it, he tries to get help. But then he does the same for her too "Because I always felt like you were sad too."

Meanwhile in regards to Buck, we see Margaret and Philip objectify Buck from before he was even born. I think a lot of people forget that objectifying someone doesn't strictly imply sexually. Being a donor baby already comes in a severe degree of objectification (you can see this as a major argument in regards to the whole concept of donor siblings ie the book Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro for example). Margaret and Philip objectified Buck from conception and when it didn't work, they didn't put the work in to shift that way of viewing Buck. He remained an object to them. He was never a baby, he was a thing. "We live with a reminder staring us in the face." They didn't just invalidate Buck. They didn't let Buck be a person.

And Buck had grown up being objectified his whole life which is why he doesn't even react when people are constantly doing it to him (people on the job, Abby, Bobby and the team to a certain extent.) I think it's interesting the way he reacts when Omar does the same thing when Maddie introduces him.

Maddie: Omar, this is my brother, Evan.

Omar: Oh, yeah, the football star.

Buck is so visibly uncomfortable when he says that it actually hurts my soul which is why that scene where Buck says "I'm going to be something... I just-- I don't know what it is yet" is so important. Because Maddie has spent her entire life being invalidated and she goes out of her way to make sure that doesn't happen with Buck. She validates Buck. She reminds him that he's a person. That he is someone.

So, when Maddie gives Buck the keys and the money to go away, she's not just giving him an escape. She's giving him permission to go be someone.

What I think people sometimes forget is that the trauma Buck experienced (the neglect which in my personal opinion, is a form of abuse though I know the technicalities are a gray point) was also what Maddie experienced. The difference is that Maddie got to be a person. She got to be their daughter. Their choice. Wanted. Buck wasn't given that consideration.

So, she did it. Maddie changed the course of trajectory for Buck.

And she started that when she was nine years old. A fourth grader decided that she was going to want this unwanted baby.

Maddie wasn't fighting her parents in Buck Begins about being able to talk to Daniel. She wasn't even fighting because they were invalidating her feelings again! She was fighting them because they were back in their lives and treating Buck like he wasn't a person again. She was fighting them because they came into town and gave a lackluster attempt at trying check and make sure Buck was fine before they dismissed him.

And Maddie wasn't going to let them do that again.

I mean just think about the "Don't be stupid, Evan"/"Don't talk to him like that" scene. It's so understated how significant those two lines are. It speaks volumes of the way Margaret in particular has diminished Buck's capacity as a human being and how she'd done it enough times that Maddie immediately jumps to his defense.

And it's not just Maddie who does it either. Because Buck knows Maddie deflects. He's seen her do it with his own two eyes (I just don't think he realized how much she deflects from him because again he thought they were on the same page). "C'mon you don't have to pretend with me. I know things aren't okay with, Doug." So Buck jumps in between Maddie and anyone who is a "danger" to her.

He does it with Margaret: "She's going to nursing school. You should congratulate her."

He does it with Doug: "Standing in between you and anyone who thinks they can hurt you is exactly where I want to be standing."

He does it with Gloria: "Want me to talk to her?"

And he does it again in the big build up at the infamous dinner scene with his parents. Buck has seen Maddie just take it, so he puts himself in the middle. "It was a compliment, Evan!"/"Oh, was it?"

"A united front."

"You and me in the world."

"Us vs them. That's what we always said."

I agree that I don't think it was Maddie's place to tell Buck's parents about his therapy (though, I know why she did it). But Buck is such a firm believer in the "People make mistakes. Doesn't mean you give up on them." and that came from Maddie and grew from his experience with Bobby, Hen, Chimney, Eddie, and Athena.

Buck and Maddie are never going to give up on each other. If they had, Maddie wouldn't have given him an escape. Buck would've stopped trying to contact her. Buck and Maddie show such a capacity of love and forgiveness towards one another it's maddening because they so easily could've not.

It's not Buck tolerating when Maddie "hurts" or "upsets" him. It's Buck loving Maddie so completely that he loves her in spite of her flaws. The same way she has loved him in spite of his failures.

I think that's really the saddest part about the people who don't quite understand the Buckley siblings relationship. It's people who don't get or haven't gotten to experience the profound love that comes from being forgiven for something. Forgiven completely and not just stated. I think to be forgiven, really forgiven, is maybe one of the greatest gifts a person can give you. Because to be forgiven is to be seen. It's be seen for all your faults and still accepted. Whether a person deserves forgiveness or not is really just a moot point if you think about it. Because to make the choice to forgive someone is a liberation of yourself by saying "I am not going to hold this baggage for you anymore." It's all you can control at the end of the day. How people respond when you say that is when you really get to see the true value you hold to a person. Like my sibling and I grew up hating each other. HATING each other. It wasn't until we were older that we started to connect. But I have never once, nor have they, questioned whether or not we would go to the mat swinging for each other. And yeah we have a lot of baggage we're still holding onto but one by one we're letting things go and we are still around for one another.

That's why I think it's fascinating Buck's capability for forgiveness and it stems from Maddie because Margaret and Philip I don't think have ever forgiven Buck. They may not have blamed him but they never forgave him either.

François Duc De La Rochefoucauld has a really amazing quote about forgiveness.

"One forgives to the degree that one loves."

Buck's capacity to love and forgive is because Maddie loved him so completely. She saw him as a person. She treated him as a person. She forgave him for being a person and she loved him for being a person.

They survive major childhood trauma together. It has created this codependency that is shifting for the better because Buck and Maddie are getting better. They're surrounded by people who love them the way Margaret and Philip should have loved them. They are surrounded by people who validate them the way Margaret and Philip should have validated them. They are surrounded by people who see them for who they are the way Margaret and Philip should've seen them.

"Cause it's hard to feel betrayed by someone you didn't really think you could count on anyway... and easy to lash out one the person that you know is always gonna forgive you."

So that's my top reason why they're elite. Buck and Maddie forgive one another the same way they love one another. Completely and entirely with their whole hearts.

#evan ‘buck’ buckley #Maddie buckley #evan Buckley #chimney han #Bobby mash #Eddie diaz #hen Wilson #Athena grant #buckley siblings #the Buckley siblings #buck can forgive his parents I shall never #never I say #madney #tw domestic abuse #ask #answered #maddieandchimney

[faelapis]

what i mean when i say i like jasper’s ending a Lot in terms of “what the character needs”, rather than what the audience needs, is that the transition from “fragments”, to “homeworld bound”, to finally “the future” shows, albeit quickly, a pretty interesting commentary on “want vs need”.

“want vs need” is a pretty basic storytelling concept of, basically, writing flawed characters who have some growing to do as people. they “want” one thing, but they actually “need” another thing.

so let’s talk about jasper’s “want” vs “need”.

cont: but you are not my diamond. if you think you’re hard enough to tell me what to do, fight me and prove it.

she makes her “want” clear in every episode she’s in SU future - which is that she wants to subjugate herself to a diamond, because that’s the only worthwhile purpose in life she’s known.

but we, and steven, don’t actually want that to happen. we know it’s not good for her health. we’ve seen that it’s not, both because hierarchies like those are toxic and because we’ve been shown, specifically for jasper, that it causes her to self-destruct over and over again.

so when it does happen, it’s very fitting that it’s in the worst circumstances possible. she begged for steven to fight her with all his might, over and over again, so he could prove himself a worthy diamond - to the point where he ends up shattering her. and when she’s brought back to life, she’s not even mad at him. he’s proven himself a “worthy” superior.

so we’ve been shown very clearly that jasper’s want is pretty, well, unhealthy for her. she would literally die for it, and get nothing in return except unhealthy, oppressive structures around her. getting everything she wants, at long last, fills her with a kind of void and fragile happiness... which only lasts so long as steven embraces his role as diamond and stays with her. 

hence we, and steven, only see her act at peace with her circumstances without complaint for a couple minutes, and it always (both in fragments and homeworld bound) ends in her own heartbreak. that’s the fragility of her “want”.

basically, it’s bad because, albeit she would know what to do with these structures... it would be at the expense of her own agency, character growth and health. it would always end badly for her.

this is a good time to point out the parallels to steven in “mr universe”.

much like jasper, steven doesn’t care if the structures around greg were cruel or oppressive. he never looks closely enough to notice how much greg hated his life. he just wants things he sees as “normal”. he wants guidance, certainty and authority figures to tell him what he’s “supposed” to do in life.

so. how is jasper’s “want” inverted?

much like rose would eventually do with pearl, the unhealthy attachment is cut by giving your subject a very bitter pill - disappearing from their life. by leaving them behind, you’re essentially forcing them to grow.

that’s NOT the main / only reason rose has steven, or steven eventually leaving beach city... but both serve the purpose of making someone who idolized you “deal with” your absence. and that’s certainly at least a part of their intention - rose thought of herself as stuck and likely holding pearl back. steven is horrified by the diamond role and wants jasper to do “something better”.

and that leads us to jasper’s “need” - to be free from these oppressive authority structures and find her own path in life. this would both improve her health & happiness, as well as making her stop engaging in unhealthy behavior towards herself and others.

now. is she fully “there” yet? no. 

but i think that as much as her trying to persuade steven to take her with him into the great unknown mirrors pearl - ie “i should be fighting for you, because you’re too important”, her reaction to steven’s reassurance that he will be fine shows that she’s already done more growing than pearl had at that point.

she’s likely been taking classes at little homeworld (where she was confirmed to currently live, NOT just visit to say goodbye to steven) for the preceding months between “i am my monster” and “the future”. she’s somewhere near accepting that her diamond doesn’t need protection. it’s also likely something she started thinking after “fragments” - if your diamond is truly so wonderfully powerful... why would they need your protection? what is your “purpose”? steven defeating her + leaving without her in “homeworld bound” both lead her to the same conclusion - she can’t fail or succeed in protecting him, because he doesn’t need her to.

thus, her role isn’t warranted.

“i can protect myself”. “i know... farewell, my diamond”.

it’s pretty significant to me that at the end of their little scene, steven doesn’t run away or give jasper any orders to stop following him. SHE leaves, albeit sadly, because she agrees with him. he can take care of himself.

jasper’s still framing steven as a diamond / superior, but... i think a big point here is that she’s someone who was so firmly stuck at the bottom of a pit of self-hatred, isolation and meaninglessness that she couldn’t unstuck herself - not without being pushed to do so. which ended up also being true for steven.

that’s the irony of the double-edged sword of her “want” - in a way, she’s right about one thing. she can’t just magically get better on her own.

i think the episode “guidance” illustrates an interesting balance between steven and amethyst’s philosophies - amethyst would rather gems do whatever, even if they end up slipping back into their old patterns. steven would rather guide them towards challenging themselves, even if that means dismissing their autonomy.

jasper... kinda gets both? her “want” and “need” play into each other in interesting ways. i’ve been framing her want as a negative a lot, but it does have an interesting silver lining - she had to get what she wanted (to be defeated, to be given a diamond), to be pushed to what she needed.

and in turn, steven needed to listen to and adapt to HER, in order to help her. only after doing that, after being pushed by jasper in turn and truly giving her what she wants, even if it tears you apart mentally... would she ever listen to you. as steven is probably used to by now.

and despite the tragedy of it, i think that’s... kind of an okay thing to show? because not everyone will seek help on their own. it’s not the uplifting message of “anyone who needs help will eventually realize it entirely on their own”, but it IS the hopeful message of “even people who refuse help, deserve help”. 

there’s horror in steven ultimately adapting to jasper’s desires, because it shows them both the fragility of their wants - for steven, being able to control jasper was a horrifying consequence. he got what he “wanted” in the worst way possible. for jasper, getting what she “wanted” meant being forced to let it (steven) go in favor of staying at little homeworld. 

but honestly... we already knew that jasper would never seek help on her own. she’s too “selfless”, in the toxic sense. purpose matters most.

and she’s not alone in that.

“pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. she put rose quartz over everything; over logic, over consequence, over her own life.”

pearl taking rose down from that pedestal was a slow, elaborate, exhausting process that took years of actively working on herself. the majority of that work was only done after rose was gone.

jasper’s gonna have all the same tools - a genuine support network, people who are willing to both empathize and teach a better way, distance from her romanticized superior, and her own desire to get better. 

the latter point, at first, because she’s told to. but as we saw in “little homeschool”, leaving her to her own devices without any “worthwhile” path forward wasn’t ideal. her “want”, much like amethyst said... still deserves to be listened to, even if she still thinks like a homeworld gem. 

but the seriousness of such an effort is, as pearl taking care of steven “for rose” and then “for him” and finally growing to do things “for herself” shows, a good avenue for REAL growth. jasper may soon yet grow for her own sake.

and the results... again, pulling pearl as my example, can be remarkable.

as i’ve said before... i am pretty sad we won’t actually get to see more of that. that’s what “the audience” may have felt they needed from jasper. the same way i’m sure rose would find it bittersweet to know how much pearl has grown without her. the same way you’re sad whenever you don’t see a character you love find love and happiness onscreen, even if it’s implied...

but in a show told from steven’s perspective, i think there is some point to that.

i’ve come around to the following: she couldn’t go with him. any forgiving hugs steven & jasper could’ve given each other at this point would’ve been hollow. that power dynamic would’ve been in the way. what they “need” is not each other. they need people who really, truly understand them, and to figure out what they want in their lives when steven doesn’t have someone to save emotionally (jasper), and jasper doesn’t have someone to sacrifice herself for (steven). 

(...and it’s at this point you realize i made you read ALL OF THAT mainly to justify why pearl and jasper’s relationship is gonna be such a central thing in my post-canon fanfic. lol. anyway here’s the link again.)

#steven universe #su future #jasper #steven #pearl #amethyst #long post / #su theory #gif /

[iheartbookbran]

Anthony, Penelope, Marina and Colin deserved better...

Beware, rant ahead

Ok I wish I didn’t feel such strong need to continue beating this dead horse but oopsie, I will very much be beating it some more.

Like, my fave books of the Bridgerton series are Anthony’s and Colin’s books, so I’m seething about what they did with their characterizations, Anthony and Penelope in particular, because Colin’s only real sin was being boring, and if you remember how funny he’s in the books it makes me wanna fall on my knees and ask Chris Van Dusen whyyyy omg why would you do something like that to such a dynamic character. So yeah, Colin is boring af and a moron but at least he isn’t an asshole the way show Anthony and Penelope are, and I’ve seen people say that they can always be redeemed in future seasons, if we get them, but that’s exactly my problem, because they never had to be redeemed in the books, to begin with. Penelope more so than Anthony but let me begin by defending my boy.

Is he a jerk sometimes? Sure. Is he actively awful and uncaring towards those close to him, especially his family? Hell no, quite the opposite, in fact. Not to be controversial on main but in the books... he was right in not wanting Daphne to be courted by a man who he knew damn right had no intention of marrying her and as far as he was aware was only making her waste her time, and he was right in demanding Simon pay for compromising her honor. Could he have been more mindful of what Daphne had to say and listened to her wishes? Of course, but considering Simon and Daphne (both in the show and in the books) aren’t exactly masters in communication themselves, Anthony doesn’t come off as the biggest offender in that situation.

What he never did was force Daphne, or any of his sisters really, to do anything; if they didn’t like a guy then that guy was out of their lives no question asked, and he loved them enough to always have their best interests at heart, for his sisters and his brothers, to the point that even though he’s traumatized and thinks he’s gonna die young he’s still willing to get past that to do his duty and marry, because he doesn’t want to pass that burden on to his little brothers (so him deciding to leave all his responsibilities to Benedict so he can fck off with his mistress is... like, a choice lmao). In fact all the subplot with Siena felt like a choice on the writers part, like they truly liked Benedict and Sophie’s story so they just slapped it on Anthony so he could act all sad and sexy while they gave us foreshadowing with the subtlety of a warharmer that he’s ending up with Kate anyways (and that Benedict is ending with Sophie anyways too, so they would be using that storyline twice, unless they do make him bi and fall in love with a man, but maybe that’s too much of ask for this show), so what was Siena’s purpose in the story? Who tf knows not me.

Now Penelope, my god. Yes I know I joke Penny has never done anything wrong in her life, and I still love her, but she was wrong. Very much so. What she did was significantly worse than what Marina did, which I still don’t condone at all. Like yes, I still maintain that Marina tricking Colin into marriage was wrong (and I’ll go later on why that whole subplot was racist af), but what Penelope did could have not only ruined Marina and herself and her sisters reputations, but it was basically condemning an innocent unborn child to a life in the streets, that’s messed up. Even if Marina was rose-coloring her potential life with Colin and he might have grown to resent her, at least the baby would’ve been alright. And my problem with that whole subplot is that all of it was resolved so neatly, with Sir Phillip sweeping in to save the day so we don’t have to actually see what Penelope’s actions could have caused, but the implications are still very much there.

And I’m cracking my mind trying to figure out whether the showrunners just... really hate Colin’s book and Penelope as a character so they’re trying to inflict some kind of character assassination on her so they can get away with writing him off with another person without causing much outrage, or if they just thought there wasn’t enough ~drama~ or stakes on their book so they have to add them, and give him some kind of bullshit tragic romantic past to explain why he doesn’t want to marry, whereas in the books, the reason he doesn’t marry anyone is because he doesn’t feel like it, and that’s ok, there’s no need for every character to have a tragic backstory and to be riddled with angst; Colin is that character, he’s an easy going guy who’s just not interested in marriage until he falls in love with Penny AND THAT’S VALID, just because he doesn’t have the most complex motivations out there doesn’t mean he isn’t a compelling character. The stakes in his story after he discovers Penny is Whistledown are, as he points out, that she has insulted so many people there’s no way some of them wouldn’t want to retaliate if word came out, and he cares for her and doesn’t want her to get hurt (there’s also a dumb part about him being secretly jealous of her accomplishments as Whistledown, but thankfully he gets over that pretty quickly).

But while I am on that, it is true that Penelope wrote some uncharitable things about the mean people around her, but she never ever ruined someone’s reputation, let alone endanger the future of a child. Was she a bitch sometimes? Yeah, but she was also kind to a lot of people and her criticism was never unwarranted and never did more damage than maybe annoy a couple of girls like Cressida. I just hate the idea of this needing to turn into some sort of ~redemption arc~ for Penelope because, again, in the books she really didn’t have to make up for anything, definitely not to Colin, who was actually the one who had to do much of the heavy lifting in their relationship when he realized that he literally slept on her for years.

And now regarding Marina, like yes, she was wrong and I stand by that statement (but not as wrong as Penelope), but tbh I find it hard to be mad at her when they gave her such a racist storyline, as the scheming woc who gets pregnant out of wedlock and then tries to seduce the innocent white man, until the virtuous white girl needs to step up to save him. At least that’s what I thought initially as the writers intention, but honestly I’m not so sure anymore, I doubt they will continue to write her and Colin as a couple otherwise they would’ve bothered to show them interacting outside of her manipulating him and him acting like a bumbling idiot, the most sincere moment they had together was when he comforted her about the lie, but by that time this bitch (me) was empty and didn’t give a shit anymore. Literally all their other interactions where shown through Penelope’s POV to let us know she was sad, and Colin’s most significant scenes where again... with Penelope (because it isn’t as if he has a family and his own moments in the books outside of being an object for Penelope to pine after).

And as I said before, Marina had a—relatively—happy ending: married to a man she doesn’t love (just as she didn’t love Colin) but who will treat her right and care for her and her child in comfort. Is arguably a better ending than if she’d married Colin because now she doesn’t have to go through the trouble of explaining things to her new husband and run the risk of him resenting her forever. Phillip may not love her but he knows who he’s marrying and why he’s marrying her. That’s literally the same fate Marina had in the books, and it makes me wonder why, oh why would the writers do that.

Why create such a contrived plot to give a character who appears in one(1) chapter of an 8 books series then promptly dies, all at the expense of the characterization of one of the most beloved heroines of said books series? Why would you write this racist storyline for a character whose fate is dying? And now I’m horrified at the repercussions that can come with Marina committing su*cide like in canon, because the implications would be that Penelope would be responsible for it (and I hate the idea of blaming one person for the su*cide of another, fictional or otherwise, is harmful and we need to be careful with making such implications), which would make her even less redeemable or like, likable in general. Not to mention that would be like putting the final racist nail in Marina’s coffin by giving her that ending.

It makes me wonder, seriously, if Chris Van Dusen hated Romancing Mister Bridgerton that much, if he loathed the idea of writing a fat character finding love and getting sex that much. I just wanna know why lmfao.

#rant over #if i sound salty is because i am #like there actually were a lot of aspects i did enjoy but i just cannot get past this #though this rant helped me a lot to feel better so there’s that #tellmewhy.gif #anthony bridgerton #penelope featherington #marina thompson #colin bridgerton #polin #tagging them bc i rant quite a lot about how they ruined their relationship #enjoy the salt uwu #bridgerton #bridgerton netflix #bridgerton spoilers #meta #my meta

[dadsbongos]

Mommy Issues

Movie/Game/Show: Umbrella Academy Dynamic: Five Hargreeves/Reader (Platonic) Warnings: you’re a mom of two, maybe might be sad? Summary: Five has to pay a visit to the old lady. ~~~

“Come on,” she held out the can of beans, shaking it around slightly when the boy refused, “You have to eat, Five.”

He shook his head, continuing to mark up the book in his hands, “Too busy.”

“You’re never too busy to fucking eat,” (Y/n) huffed, grabbing the book from his hands and replacing it with the can of beans, “It’ll all be here when you’re done.”

Five pursed his lips but decided to not argue with the woman, “You’re lucky you’re the only person left in this hellhole.”

“How so?” (Y/n) crossed her arms, desperately attempting to hide her starvation, “I get to take care of a little boy?”

“I’m not a little boy, first of all. I’m thirteen, technically a teenager.”

The woman snickered, “What’s your second point?”

Humming through his chewing, Five quirked a brow, gesturing for her to continue.

“You said ‘first of all’,” she shrugged, reaching for the bottle of wine settled amongst the rubble of an old library, “Did you have a second point to bring up?”

When the boy didn’t respond, (Y/n) quietly laughed before looking at the book Five was so focused on since he found it. Extra Ordinary by Vanya Hargreeves, her brows furrowed as she picked it up and began flipping through it. Five nearly choked on his beans, “Careful with that.”

“I will be,” she calmly replied, tone softening at the shared surname between the two, “Was she your mom?”

Five shook his head, taking the book back, “Sister.”

“I’m sorry you have to go through this,” (Y/n) forced on a smile, reaching into her tattered pants’ pocket, “If it’s any consolation, I lost some people too.”

Just as he went to retort, a picture of two children was forced into his hand. A boy his age and a much younger girl, and suddenly he regretted every time he mockingly called her mom. Her sad smile was still painted on her lips as realization sunk its claws into Five, “Your kids?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, sitting up straight, “I took all the pictures in the house before packing up.”

“Since we’re learning about each other,” he held out Vanya’s book, “I think you should read this.”

(Y/n) nodded, opening up to the first page, “If you want, for whatever weird reason is in your genius brain, you can keep the picture. I have a lot.”

“Thanks,” he pressed the photo into his blazer pocket, “you can’t keep the book. I want that back when you’re done and don’t write in it.”

“Naturally.”

Silence broke over the pair until (Y/n) spoke again, much quieter than before.

“What?”

“Stop zoning out, creeper,” she ruffled his hair.

“Don’t baby me, (Y/n),” the thirteen-year-old boy snapped, still clutching his mannequin companion to his scrawny body.

In response, the woman rolled her eyes, “I’ll baby you all I want, Five, because in case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a wasteland and I’m the only adult alive.”

“So far,” the boy glared, “There could be some lonely Australian man across the ocean and we have no clue.”

She shook her head, “Well until we find him, I’m still going to baby you - because that’s what you are to me. A little baby in need of mothering.”

Five grumbled under his breath, “You’re more annoying than anything else at this point.”

(Y/n) didn’t verbally reply, only pulling up the scarf acting as the boy’s mask before continuing down the road. She turned when Five didn’t follow, nudging her head down the way, “Come on, I think there's a wagon we could find to carry supplies!”

A wagon there was, but only one. At least at that point. The grown woman huffed while looking around, “Put Dolores in, you’re rolling the thing with you.”

“What?” Five looked up at her, “But you’re the adult, aren’t you?”

“Which means I get to tell you to roll it around.”

The wagon would go to him then. The boy.

“What’re you thinking about?”

Five’s brows furrowed as he walked, lugging the dirtied thing behind him, “What are you talking about now, (Y/n)?”

She simply stared at him, a blank, empty stare, “What are you thinking about?”

Her eyes made him nervous now, they were devoid of any kindness and warmth they usually held when looking at him. Less like a loving mother-figure and more like the mannequin he held close at night. But even Dolores smiled every so often.

“Five!” she suddenly shouted, no longer walking. She rushed over, grabbing his shoulders, “Five!”

There were no hands on his shoulders, just the old, wrinkled one between his own hands. He blinked a few times, shaking his head before looking down to the elderly woman on the floor, “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“As spacey as ever,” (Y/n) chuckled dryly, coughing a few times between the laughter, “I asked what you were thinking about.”

“Oh, nothing much,” he lied easily enough, “Just how much I’ll enjoy you not bossing me around.”

The dying woman shook her head, using what little strength she had to smack his arm, “You’ve been a rude little boy since we met.”

“Well,” he shrugged, letting a soft silence fill the heated air, rubbing his thumb over the weathered bones in this old woman’s hand, “What about you? What are you thinking about?”

“My kids,” she smiled faintly, “I’m excited to see them again.”

Little Joan and Lacy, he’d heard about them countless times. Joan was about his age when the pair first met after the Apocalypse, dark hair and light eyes with freckles spread across his cheeks. Lacy was on the younger scale with little curls sprouting from her head and brown eyes like honey pots with a birthmark right on her forehead. Adorable kids, from what few pictures survived the fall of humanity.

“I wish I could’ve met them,” he grinned down at the faint woman.

(Y/n) nodded weakly, eyes fluttering shut every now and again, “You three would’ve been so cute together. Them trying to make you smile and you just being grumpy; like something out of a sitcom.”

Five’s eyebrows rose at the sentence, “Now I’m not so sure.”

“Stop,” she wheezed, patting at her chest, “You would’ve loved them…” it was quiet for a few more moments, “I’m worried about you too, you know? Being all alone after so long, I don’t want you to go completely crazy.”

“I won’t be alone,” he attempted to reassure, nodding towards their plastic friend, “I have Dolores, don’t I?”

“God, don’t get me started on that…”

“I really will be fine,” he gripped her hand a little tighter, “Don’t be worrying about me, I can handle myself, old lady.”

“One day you’ll be an old man, and then who’ll be laughing? Me, from the afterlife.”

Five wouldn’t admit it, but the thought of (Y/n) still being somewhat around comforted him, “I’ll be counting on it.”

“Better be.”

. . .

Five rubbed at his temples, stopping the Apocalypse built up a headache worse than surviving it. He pushed the doors to Griddy’s open, not having had one of their coffees since his first night into the present. He slid onto a stool at the counter, giving Agnes a nod when she waved at him.

Agnes went into the back and after a few murmurs, he assumed a new waitress would be serving him.

Looking to the right, two familiar faces came into view. His eyes widened, hands fumbling for the photo in his blazer pocket. After (Y/n) died he made a habit of keeping it around; felt wrong to go without it. He looked between the picture to the children.

The doors from the back opened up and a painfully familiar woman stepped through. She smiled at two kids, ruffling the boy’s dark hair and pinching at the girl’s cheek before going over to Five. 

(Y/n) shot him a grin, pulling a pad of paper from her uniform, “What can I get you today?”

Five didn’t answer immediately, stare fixated on the living, breathing, not-dead woman in front of him. Unlike in their years together, her skin was less dirt-covered, hands less crusted in ash and soil, hair more well-kept. She seemed healthy, happy. After realizing he was staring for far too long, he cleared his throat, pocketing the photo, “Sorry, I’ll have a coffee. Black.” 

“No donuts?” she teased, “I know they’re not top-of-the-line, but I never miss an opportunity to snag a few for my kids,” she pointed her pen in the kids’ direction.

“Well, I suppose I could get…” he looked over the menu before continuing, “a lemon jelly donut.”

(Y/n) wrote down the order, “Funny, that’s my son’s favorite.”

“What a coincidence,” of course, he knew that. He knew it fifty times over.

Nodding, she tore off the paper before walking towards the back, stopping at the two kids. The tiny glances from both child in his direction made it obvious he had been mentioned. Giving Joan and Lacy each a kiss on the forehead, (Y/n) made her way to the back kitchen.

Lacy looked between her older brother and the strange boy before getting down from her stool and skipping over to the brunette. She gave him a broad, pearly smile, “Hi.”

Five smiled slightly, turning in his seat to look at the girl properly, “Hello.”

Joan followed after his sister, smiling apologetically to the boy about his age while taking the girl’s hand, “I’m sorry about her.”

“No, she’s fine,” he waved off the other boy’s sympathies, “She's pretty adorable.”

(Y/n) returned from the back, carefully setting down the steaming coffee followed by Five’s donut, “Hope my kids aren’t bothering you. They like making friends with the customers.”

He shook his head, “Not a problem.”

Joan slid onto the stool beside Five, holding his baby sister in his lap, “Haven’t seen you around here before.”

Five nodded slowly, wrapping both hands around his warm cup, already feeling his headache begin to dissipate, “I used to come here a lot when I was younger.”

#tua #The Umbrella Academy #five hargeeves #five hargreeves x reader platonic #just founds out i'm allergic to my face scrub because nobody wanted to tell me it's not normal for my skin to turn red flaky and hurt #pretty t'd off about it ngl

[mc-critical]

Would you agree that it’s almost impossible for motherhood in the harem to not be toxic to some degree? Especially so in mother-daughter relationships, but still prominent in mother-son relationships as well. (Also I’m not making this observation about harem motherhood to say that harem fatherhood is a lesser evil or non-toxic. If anything it’s even more toxic and damaging..especially given that it was such a norm for fathers to kill their children and feel completely justified in doing so, but that’s a discussion for another day.) I’ve observed this in almost every mother in the series. With Hafsa and her daughters (remember Sah at Mihrimah’s wedding talking about how her mother forced her and all of her sister’s to marry, and based on what it sounded like, at an extremely young age against their will), with Halime and Dilruba (Halime was geniunely okay with the possibility that Dilruba might die after Kösem kidnapped her if it meant sparing Mustafa’s life), with Hürrem and Mihrimah (forcing her to marry Rüstem at 17 years of age and using manipulation for years to keep her daughter in an unhappy marriage). The list goes on and these are just a few examples but I can’t not see a pattern here. Even with their princes there was the constant forcing a love-interest for upon their sons (Mahidevran I believe forced Fatma on Mustafa if I remember correctly? My memory is spotty there so tell me if I’m wrong) or eliminating their sons love interests in often brutal ways if it was self-serving (Hürrem killing Beyezeid’s harem to cover up Huricihan’s murder.) I almost believe there is no way for motherhood/fatherhood to be completely healthy in an enviornment like the harem especially given the examples.

Yes, I definetly agree with you on this one. It's truly almost impossible for mothers to not be toxic in some way in the environment that is the harem, because so much of it is dedicated on perpetuating such toxic behavior in both the dynastic and non-dynastic sultanas.

The first and foremost thing a woman who has just entered in the harem has to think about is how to survive, how to lend in a more comfortable position. And the first step in doing that is going to a halvet and bearing a child from the sultan. But that's not so easy, since she both has to make a solid impression and fight so many rivals on the way. The harem encourages competitiveness, putting people against each other for a single goal and the ambition to climb yourself as high in the hierarchy as you can, all of which leads to constant stress, paranoia and opportunism. As we see with so many characters and their arcs throughout the series, the longer you get to be in the harem, the longer you adapt to the system (which is a central theme of the franchise for a reason), the longer you endure, you just get used to it and at many aspects, absorb it. It's only natural at this point this would transfer to the children of the mothers, as well, because they are not only children, they are, as sad and unfortunate as it is, the keys to both full survival and success in the harem that can turn into tools for their mothers to mould when it's necessary. Because these mothers perfectly acknowledge that they aren't alone. When you bear a child, you do get to have a sense of comfort, but that comfort is only temporary and by the realization that there are other mothers with other children that will turn into deadly rivals for your own child, it slowly transitions into the next phase of the game of life in the harem: the fight for the throne where you have to fight harder than ever, actually. The most difficult part of it all seems to be just beginning and you have to use your best virtues as a player in the harem to win the war the system put you into. And a healthy relationship with your children, as we know it, sadly isn't a part of that.

There is this one exact aspect of the toxicity of some mothers you referred to here that comes more due to the exertion of the "mother knows best" attitude. No matter how many allies and supporters their one prince, in example, has, the mother is the one who would always vouch for him and would never turn his back on him, if only they're their ticket to more piece or that they've truly come to love him as they should. The system demands of the mother to raise the prince the best way she knows how and gain as much political advantage as she can, that including all these infamous political marriages. The mothers have to at least give their children sound advice of all things and that's what they also become used to, more or less. And them having these obligations, in a way, to their children, along with having gone through what they have in the harem, all make them believe that their children don't know better. They're the ones that have gone through this and have to stay strong and act pragmatically, not these children that have yet to find out what is going on. And even when they grow older, there is this decent possibility they won't realize the stakes of the game. MCK Bayezid is the most notorious example, with him living a fairly comfy life under Kösem's care when it comes to this that only vanished after Gülbahar came to the castle and he became the favourized heir of the throne and yet, Gülbahar still had to constantly remind him for so long that "he's the center of the fire" and that "they're in a war". MC Mustafa often refused to make pragmatic decisions that would've basically spared his life. Hürrem literally tells Cihangir that he shouldn't meddle in these things, because she knows better and thinks he can't tell the difference from right and wrong. So the mothers usually consider themselves forced to make the hard decisions instead of them, trying to keep all aspects of their life in check. That's why they meddle so much in their love lives, as well, along with their personal opinion and bias for the women they chose to be with, of course. Mahidevran and Valide wanted to marry Mustafa and Aybige for both reasons - Mahidevran both doesn't like Efsun and found the upper hand in a marriage with Aybige. {though it is important to note that Mahidevran specifically monitors Mustafa's love life because of the fear of the possibility of the next Hürrem, too, whose arrival and tradition breaking in the castle are still very deep wounds for her. She got over that eventually with Rumeysa and Mihrunnisa, but it was there and it was really showing at first. She sent Fatma to a halvet in E50 with the intent to distract Efsun away from Mustafa, but when Efsun was already dead, Mahidevran was strictly against all her attempts to sabotage the other concubine Mahidevran was sending and win Mustafa over and even decided to not send her to Manisa exclusively for that, disguising it with that she currently needs her in the castle.} I'm taking about the princes, but it obviously applies to the daughters, too, of course, especially Mihrimah, who also had a long way to go until she figured out what is the game all about and even then that only worked when it was connected to the protection of the family and Hürrem knew it. And while the daughters are perceived to have "less value" than the princes, bound to become sultans, as seen with Halime's relationship with Dilruba, they still play a significant part in the game and help the princes gain yet more security and the mothers influence the matters much more through the vezier or pasha the daughter has married. And it's as important to find the proper candidate, which is why Hürrem was against Taşlicalı and she broke her promise to marry Mihrimah to the person she loved. Leave it to the mothers to make the opportunistic choices that their grown-up children sometimes won't be able to make.

The fight for survival also triggers severe amount of protectiveness that plays a part in the toxicity of the mothers. They always have to keep an eye on the children, because there is the possibility of someone trying to attack them or someone else to try taking advantage of them, which is why, as well as attempting to dictate their actions, they always want to track every single move the sons and/or daughters make in order to dictate their actions. There is this prominent fear of backstabbing, betrayal and murder attempts that just can't let these mothers think or act otherwise.

It's tricky because even though some of them get so engrained into this it becomes a personality trait of theirs or apply personal gained bias when they embrace their toxic motherhood traits, they try their best to maintain cordial relations with their children and show them their genuine affection. There are so many profound mother-son and mother-daughter relationships that are either incredibly interesting on their own, either have so many human interactions with their sons or daughters, in spite of the circumstances. And in the case of, say, Halime and Mustafa, but almost all these relationships qualify, the huge amount of such interactions creates a very fine line between the tender affection and the toxicity the system causes them to show, which is why maybe it could be missed to an extent, but the narrative still does its best to make it obvious enough. It's so sad and chilling that the life in the harem just won't let healthy dynamics in general and if one starts to think for a second that the children may be an exception because they are the closest link to their mothers and the ones most likely to reveal their humanity, it soon becomes clear that this is far from the case. The system leaves nothing and no one untouched.

It becomes even tougher when, knowing the law of Fatih, a mother has to choose between her princes in the inevitable scenario where only they are the only heirs of the throne left. There every possible ounce of a healthy dynamic leaves much faster than usual, because the mothers have to realize sooner or later that they do actually have to make a choice. They love them all with the bottom of their hearts, but there is only one more fit to rule. And there is never a guarantee that the "chosen" or the only surviving prince will never dare to think about executing the law. That choice seems ludicrous, because how would a mother choose from her own children? This conflict is icredibly exploited through Hürrem in S04. She undergoes a subtle arc that has her deal with this precise moral dilemma. It tore apart her belief that the fight would be over after Mustafa's death and all her flaws in terms of Selim and Bayezid's parenting came back to her, with her seeing the problems and inevitable power struggle between them in their fullest power. She couldn't bring things back now, for their conflict had already gone too far. So she goes through fairly lengthy denial of the choice at hand and tries her best to search for a peaceful solution, for both of them to be able to "coexist", but she eventually realizes that this wouldn't be possible and when she did, it was way. too. late. And Hürrem had her preferred candidate for the throne regardless, so when you face that struggle as a mother, it's impossible for your relationship with your children to not be toxic in a way. And I know many mothers out there would relate with Hürrem's internal conflict when it came to this, because no matter how much they've adapted to the circumstances, these are their children, aren't they? The children of their own blood they cared for their whole life up to that moment! How damaging would that be for a mother? Kösem as a mother faced an even more extreme display of this, because she had too many princes and a son on the throne; she not only had to choose between them, she had to eliminate them as a desparate, but apparently necessary measure - she had presumably won, but then she came to realize that her son couldn't rule the country and didn't listen to any advice. As I've said before, her whole S02 arc was her coming to terms that she had to eventually eliminate him, for he stands against not only the country, but her as a representation of said country. She infamously sealed the pact to kill Ibrahim also because he apparently wasn't fit for the country. That tore her apart, but she did it anyway. In her time period, I dare say it's even harder to not have some kind of toxicity present in the mother's relationship with her children, because of its more dynamic rhythm and the ways of ruling in it where women, which are naturally mothers, too, are at the peak of their power and are way more likely to do stuff for its sake alone than in Süleiman's time. So we could argue that it's not only impossible for mothers not to show toxicity in the harem, but that toxicity increased as the franchise progressed, cementing the core contrast between MC and MCK: power for the sake of personal motives vs. power for the sake of power. That obviously has to impact the mothers, for they truly are the main players in this whole game.

I can't lie that it's more probable for the dynastic sultanas (that are not daughters of the sultan) to not show toxicity to their children, since they don't really have that survival fight in front of them and they have to build their families, live in a castle with them and that's about it, but then another problem arises - they have grown in the harem, they have grown with this toxicity. They have been taught this their whole life. They and their children can't exactly have healthy relationships, because the established hierarchy in the harem and the positions of these mothers are stopping them. They are gonna live with the mindset that the son is more important than the daughter (we have Hatice wanting her first baby to be a son) and even if the child is a girl, they would be constantly reminded of their social standing, that they have the blood of the dynasty. Yes, this is way less toxic, but could still bring problems and can't be healthy in a literal sense. Not to mention that ambition within a member of the dynasty isn't a concept to be discarded - Şah Sultan is the perfect example of this, with her wanting to marry Esmahan to Bali Bey, not just because her daughter is okay with this, but also because that marriage would be useful to her goals. Esmahan being the one who proposed it in the first place (as far as I recall?) and her wanting to put it in motion a lot, was only sheer luck.

Motherhoods in the harem are indeed fascinating, but toxic in one way or another. There is a clear pattern in all these relationships that is bound to show itself at some point and the fight for survival may cause mothers to put their own needs above the ones of their children's. And that kept going on and on for the longest time. There's so much humanity in these relationships, but a considerable amount of toxicity, too, that I blame mostly on this gross system.

[Fatherhood in the harem is truly even more toxic, destructive and even dangerous in many areas. Most fathers we've seen in the franchise are sultans and the sultans are notorious with their relenting paranoia of betrayal that manages to go over their own heads. I can go on and on how the same paranoia screwed every single sign of a healthy dynamic between a father and a son especially, rendering it totally nonexistent in a while, but that's truly a post for another day.]

#magnificent century #magnificent century kösem #magnificent century kosem #magnificent century: kösem #ask #stuffandthangs

[akudama-drive-incorrect-quotes]

Akudama Drive Character Opinions/Thoughts Pt. 1

Yay!! I finally finished Akudama Drive today! I’m so so sorry for not posting recently, I’ve been very busy with the holidays and semester exams. But at last, I finally sat down and binged from about episode 6 through to the end, and OH. MY. GOD. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head!! 

So today I thought I would give a very honest review/my opinions for EVERY character in Akudama Drive just for the heck of it and to help cope with the sadness of the show being over.  Thanks for sticking with me! <3 

So obviously, this will be spoiler heavy, but I assume that everyone reading knows that. xD Okay! This’ll probably be long and really long winded, but off we go! 

Swindler: Oh gosh. Where do I even begin with her?? Swindler’s character was so intriguing to me from the get go, what with us not knowing much about her (and even in the end still not knowing much about her past). I was pretty neutral towards her in the beginning, but MAN. After that scene where she killed those two guys protecting Sister. MAD Respect. I think that that marked a turning point for me liking her. I found her a bit much at times when she didn’t seem to show extreme emotions at the deaths of Hacker, Hoodlum, etc. But I obviously know that she was wrapped up into all this tea by accident and that her actions (While at times potentially suspicious) were completely justified, such as her fears, her desire to protect Brother and Sister, and her confusion as she slowly began her descent into the craziness that was the Kanto-Kansai situation. It was super enjoyable seeing how she grew, and I really wanted her to succeed and be happy. Her death scene made me cry. Also those scenes with Sister and her were so CUTE. <3

Courier: To be completely honest, I didn’t really have any strong emotions towards Courier for the majority of the season. He was frickin badass as all hell, but in terms of the character himself, I thought he was alright. That definitely changed though by the end of the season! We see him deliver a gift to Sister without any fee (Brother’s “dying” wish) and we sympathize with his tragic backstory involving the unnamed woman murdered in his home (mother? Sister?) I loved that addition because we get to see more about the coin itself and why he views it as bad luck. Super neat. I think his interactions with Sister and Swindler are cute, and makes me think of them as sort of like a family. UwU Also his love for Takoyaki/cooking is a pretty fun contrast to his stoic outside. I’m not sure that I ship Courier and Swindler (I can 100% see it though :3). I see them more as two individuals who are bound together by fate (the coin) and have grown to respect one another while learning/surviving in this crazy world. I was definitely sad to see him go, but I’m super happy that I got to love his character a lot more by the end! What a cool guy. His dedication/the way he went above and beyond for Sister and Brother in the end? Perfection. My first pick for a zombie apocalypse team. 

Brawler: He’s wholesome for sure. I’m usually not a big fan of big, tough guys in anime, but he reminds me of the traditional Danganronpa stereotype of the fighter with a warm interior. His interactions with Hoodlum made me like him so much more and appreciate what he brought to the table. I’m sad that he’s not recognized more. He's super badass in his own right and I feel sort of guilty for not realizing it while he was alive. Like cmon girl. It pissed me off the way that the Doctor was treating him after he died (also. That. She killed him. >:O) Like. Is that all you saw him as? I get angry when the POC characters always die first/disrespected by other characters for the sake of “comedy” and whatnot. Like as a POC myself...it’s not cool. But overall, I liked him for who he was. I didn’t care for him too too much, but I definitely wanted him to be happy and enjoyed those sweet moments of excitement he had when fighting, even up to his last moments. 

Hoodlum: He was the one character in Akudama Drive that I was not expecting to like as much as I did. Again, not my favorite, but MAN was he entertaining! I ADORED how much character growth we got from him. I was really rooting for him up until the end (I got super excited when he killed Doctor...and then really sad. CoMe oN) Initially in the first episode, he just seemed to be the classic sort of cowardly idiot, but after he met Brawler you can tell he changed a lot. The dynamic was super fun! Even after Brawler dies, the moments that show Hoodlum coping with his death are amazingly sad, for example, when he says “check this out,” or when he gets angry when no one else seems to care about his death. (SAME Hoodlum. SAME.) The anger and grief that Hoodlum feels is portrayed in an interesting way (he begins to lose himself and submits to Doctor’s manipulation/alternative resources in Kansai). In the end, I’m so happy that he was the one to kill Doctor, because not only was he avenging his friend’s death, but also standing up for himself in a way that he hadn’t done in the series up to that point. Overall. Loved the development of my boi. 

Doctor: This woman. I tell ya got on my nerves. Holy moly. But I should clear things up! At first when she was introduced I thought she was super cool for sure! We s t a n n  a queen to put them boys in their places, but as time went on I started disliking her more and more. Don’t get me wrong, there are parts about her that I think are amazing! For example, I loved her motivations for studying the children (interesting), her poisons/ability to heal were incredibly useful, her voice actor, and sometimes she was just a bad bitch. Like go off queen. But at the same time, I really found her bothersome. I don’t really know when I started to notice it as much, but I just didn’t care for the way that she called Brawler a “Dreadlock Gorilla” ...because like. Um. NO. I also didn’t like how she manipulated Hoodlum (obviously that’s totally in character, but still). As the show went on Doctor just really didn’ vibe with me for some reason. I guess I just didn’t like her as much as the other characters and I know it’s terrible to say, but I was glad when she died. I don’t know what else to say. I stopped liking her. ://

Hacker: Right from the beginning I knew he was my favorite character. <3 I think the aesthetic was super cool and I loved loved the similarities between him and a certain SHSL computer programmer. ;) I appreciated the little moments with him, for example when Cutthroat pushed the emergency buttons on the airbus, the whole “parting-gifts” idea, the drones, etc. His abilities that he brought forth were incredibly useful and without his sacrifice the final mission of rescuing Brother and Sister would’ve been impossible. I LOVED that his role expanded even after he left the group in the early stages (;-;), we can see he was behind the blackout, the hijacking of several systems (including the propaganda videos), and how he was able to play the puppet master by controlling/saving his old teammates. I just think that his abilities to hack and to literally do anything that he pleases was super badass. I feel like out of all of them, Hacker is one of the few that genuinely feels more human (in the sense that he seeks out a new place to call home/excitement, etc.) which I loved. Overall my favorite character...I’m still a little salty about his death and the fact that no one really acknowledged his sacrifice. >:((

Hope you enjoyed that long ramble! Check Out Pt. 2! 💕

#akudama #akudama drive #akudamadrive #akudama drive thoughts #akudamadrivecharacters #character opinions #characterthoughts #hacker #swindler #hoodlum #doctor #brawler #courier

[goutheswimqueen]

thoughts on free! s3? what do you think went wrong/right/what you wish it would’ve went etc

I could quite literally go on FOREVER about season 3 and y’know what you asked for it so I’m just gonna ramble until I feel good about it lmao.

Now first I have to say that I wholeheartedly love season 3 with the deepest passion in my bones. I genuinely didn’t think that we were ever going to GET a season 3 in the first place, so the fact that it exists is just... so meaningful to me as someone whose favorite franchise is Free! and someone whose life was saved by these dumbass swimmers. 

I will say that season 3 isn’t what I wanted from it. I wanted it to be centered on Nagisa, Rei, Gou, Sousuke, Ai, and Momo. I love Haru with my entire being but I really really REALLY wanted to see a series centered on the Iwatobi trio. They’re so underrated and I felt like they were lowkey sidelined in Eternal Summer so I wanted to see them shine and grow together in their third year. But of course Kyoani has just been setting them aside more and more as time has gone on so I feel like that was nothing but a hopeless dream lmao. I have a lot of headcanons and AUs about what went on with everyone who was still in Iwatobi while the rest of the gang was in Tokyo. The little bits that Kyoani gave us of them were beautiful, I will admit. Episode 11 is my FAVORITE episode of season 3. The fact that Rei WON A NATIONAL RACE??? Like, come on. I wish we could’ve seen the work that he put in to even be able to do that in the first place. That moment where he ponders what he’ll be doing after high school really gets to me too because I would love to know what the fuck he and the others are gonna do. I wish we could’ve seen the moments in their third year that led to whatever decisions they will make. I wanted to see the Iwatobi trio go through the absolute wringer together lmao. I wanted angst I wanted to see their journey that led them to where they are now. I wanted to see more of them growing with the new trio too. I wanted to learn more about Gou and Sousuke’s past through their interactions in her third year. If the season was longer I feel like they could’ve had it be half the Iwatobi arc and half the Tokyo arc, y’know what I mean?

Nonetheless, I love season 3 for what it was. I’m so beyond happy that they brought in Asahi, Ikuya, Natsuya, and Nao, you have no idea. The High Speed! characters hold such a special place in my heart. I wish Asahi would’ve had more of an arc/character development though, and I wish Nao was more included. I think Natsuya’s character arc was my favorite of the whole season. Seeing the trash traveling man that he had become and his interactions with Rin and Sousuke really stuck with me for some reason. And that line that he had when he was talking to Ikuya and fucking crying like, “a dream to fight for my strength and pride, plain and simple.” That shit fucked me up bro. We all meme about Natsuya a lot but I feel like there’s a lot of deeper shit there that’s yet to be explored. When we met Ryuuji I was genuinely convinced that he was Ikuya and Natsuya’s father because it would explain a lot about Natsuya’s behavior. A trash dad who wasn’t really there for his family and just kinda fucked off to travel the world training swimmers until he found one that met his expectations? That would’ve added so much to Natsuya and Ikuya’s background stories and their character arcs. Like can you imagine? Natsuya not initially going into professional swimming because the fact that his father LEFT to find a swimmer to train instead of training his own damn son because he didn’t see that potential in him??? Natsuya being inspired by Ikuya to work hard to prove their father wrong??????? Nao punching Ryuuji square in the nose the moment he sees him???????????? A fucking gold mine that Kyoani could’ve dove into, but no he’s related to Shizuru lmao. 

I could go on forever about Natsuya in season 3 cuz I just really, really loved his arc but I’m gonna keep rolling haha. Hiyori was probably the most unexpected thing from season 3 and I just... love him so much. Like his absolute snakey behavior gave me the same chills that that scene of Sousuke pushing Haru against a vending machine in episode 2 of Eternal Summer gave me. I LOVE that shit. The Free! antagonists just keep getting bitchier and bitchier lmao. I also relate to Hiyori on a deeper level. I too have been selfishly protective of my best friends in a way that... really just wasn’t the way to go. Like jeez Hiyori I understand how you feel but maybe let them talk to Ikuya at least once??? Chill with the possessiveness? Idk I know Hiyori is the source of a lot of discourse lol, but that’s just how I feel because of my own similar experiences with myself and others who’ve acted in a similar way. I do wish his beef at the other boys wasn’t solved by just fuckin... swimming with Haru lmfaoooooo. Like I wish they just would’ve added more to his conversation with Ikuya when he asked him to join the relay with him.

I was quite satisfied with Rin’s arc in season 3. It just like, made perfect sense to me I guess lmao. I know he wasn’t there much but I don’t know what else they could or should have done with him, if that makes sense. The fact that his coach is Ai’s uncle is just the best thing ever too lmao.

I was also very happy with Haru’s arc actually!! Seeing how much he has grown makes me feel like a proud mom. Ya boi is tired of the bullshit and the miscommunication haha. Of course I’ll always wish he didn’t go into pro swimming but alas, gotta deal with it I guess. I love his dynamic with Ryuuji and the way that he has dealt with pro swimming though. And his decision to go into the individual medley absolutely made me lose my mind. I didn’t know I needed to see him swim the other strokes until it happened and I just, I loved that so muchhh. 

I alsooooo enjoyed Ikuya’s arc. Seeing someone from your past again like that can 100% have that effect on you. I just kinda wish we understood more about like, why he just randomly faints while swimming sometimes? I feel like they didn’t solidly explain it? Cuz I don’t think it was always from overworking himself. Idk maybe I’m just a dumbass and remembering incorrectly.

Kisumi deserved better. YOU CAN’T TELL ME THIS BOY DOESN’T HAVE UNDERLYING ANGST THAT KYOANI HASN’T DELVED INTO. He gave us that line of “We’ll never make friends like the ones we had back then” and then him worrying about whether or not there was anything he could do to help with the Ikuya situation. This boy feels left out and you can’t tell me otherwise and it is 100% because of the fact that he’s not a swimmer. Someone give this boy a basketball team that he can experience that kind of bond with PLEASE. I AM BEGGING ON MY KNEES!!!

Makoto also deserved better. Like, okay, don’t get me wrong, I absolutely loved his arc with the kids and Nao and all that. I love his new dream. BUT!!! Kyoani has yet to go into depth with his insecurities with Haru. I’m still not over that damn dream he had on that bus. All we got in season 3 was Makoto’s aNGSTY looks when it came to his relationship with Haru lmao. GIVE MAKOTO A BIGGER ROLE AND A BIGGER ARC DAMMIT. He’s one of the most popular characters I’m surprised his angst hasn’t been touched on more. This dumbass just needs to stop holding things in i SWEAR TO GAWD.

I thought the inclusion of Albert was kinda weird, dunno what the point of him is aside from making Haru shake in his bones. Kinjou is definitely interesting. He scares me lmao, but I am here for that. Give us an antagonist who is just absolutely unhinged at this point LMAO. I have some headcanons about him too but I feel like the new movie coming up is going to crush my dreams soooo yeah.

Isuzu is a goddess. I’m so happy she’s finally here and she has a name and a FACE. We learned that the Mikoshiba bros had a sister before we even knew that Momo existed lmao (Sei mentioned her in a drama cd from season 1). I almost thought they were never going to give her to us but she’s here and she’s beautiful and she’s everything that I wanted her to be. I’m so happy she thinks Gou is cute and that GOU LIKES HER and I just ugh yes thank you so much Kyoani I never expected that we’d actually get this but I’m so happy we have it. I hope she goes to Hidaka Uni and gets to race Haru like she wanted haha. And I’m so happy we got to see her swim! Our first in-anime female swimmer with a name. I love her.

Speaking of FEMALE SWIMMERS. Sighhhhhh.... My biggest disappointment. Aki Yazaki. Where is she? We deserve her!! I promise we do!! She was SUCH an important character in the High Speed! novels and kyoani decided that she just doesn’t exist anymore lmao (biggest reason why I’m not the biggest fan of the Starting Days movie). At this point I’ve lost hope that she’ll ever be included in the anime, and it makes me so sad. I love her so much and there’s so much potential for an amazing beautiful story arc with her if she reunited with the boys. I don’t think we’re going to get a season 4, (the new movie is scaring me making me think it’s the end of the series with the way it’s been advertised...) but if we DID get one I imagine it beginning with Haru walking through a snowy day, huddling close to himself to shelter from the cold, when he passes by a tall figure and catches a glimpse of familiar caramel hair with a loose little braid peeking out from behind one ear and a large scarf that has gotten quite messed up over years of wear and tear, a memory clicks in his mind like a light switch and he stops in his tracks to turn around and let a long forgotten name slip from his lips: “Yazaki Aki?” ... cue opening sequence. LIKE WOULDN’T THAT BE SO AMAZING???????? I WOULD FUCKING SHIT MYSELF OKAY YOU DON’T UNDERSTANDDDD. Aki is one of my favorite characters I’m so mad she wasn’t in season 3. I’m also mad that Satomi Nii wasn’t there either like!!! She would make a great trio with Ikuya and Hiyori that’s all I’m sayinggggg. I would probably start crying if either of them showed up at some point like genuinely I would just be a mess sobbing on the floor. ALSO I FEEL LIKE GOU AND ISUZU WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM LIKE PLS GIVE ME THE GIRLS THAT WE DESERVE!!!

The art style of season 3 was pretty good. The only thing that bothered me about it was how fucking WIDE the characters’ shoulders were sometimes. Especially with the big bois like Makoto and Sousuke. Like please god no stop that. I’m always gonna miss the art style from season 1 tho, the crazy expressions n shit that were there were just too GOOD lmao. I feel like in season 3 they kind of attempted to bring that back but it just wasn’t executed the same and done to the same extent. R.I.P. the comedy from season 1, it will be forever missed.

I love the opening and ending themes, always. So fucking good. I’m so happy all the characters were included in the end theme animation sequence. I’ll never get over Gou and her BEAUTY.

ANYWAYS. Those are my thoughts in the general sense. Idk if I forgot anything because I have so many thoughts that’re all unorganized haha. If anyone wants me to talk in more detail about anything specific I am soooooo down! Thank you for sending in this ask, talking about this show makes me happy hehe.

#asks #haowls #dttf #dive to the future #season 3

[ahkaahshi]

Angsty Kuroo and Oikawa scenario with #3, the love triangle where you fall in love with Kuroo with a sad ending?

prompt: ☁︎ #3 -> love triangles

roomies: kuroo tetsurou (love interest) and oikawa tooru 

genre: angst

warning(s): n/a

my note to you: ask and you shall receive even tho the thought of abandoning either of them in a love triangle hurts my soul :’) ty for sending this in! 💓

choosing kuroo over oikawa in a roomie love triangle [scenario]

oikawa really didn’t see this coming tbh. he was so busy with volleyball and training that he didn’t know that you and kuroo were spending more time together

because of this, it hits him really hard. he’s a confident guy, but at the end of the day, his ego is fairly fragile

of course, he’s going to act like it doesn’t hurt and put on a brave face bc he doesn’t want to show his vulnerability

but inside he’s really broken up about it

he’ll spend more time out of the house since he no longer feels like he has a reason to hurry home (he was always excited to come back and see you)

he’ll also distance himself from both you and kuroo, and become more argumentative or egotistical than usual (as a defense mechanism)

will surely put your friendship and generally peaceful roomie dynamic on the rocks

As you shuffle down the hallway from your room to grab a refill of your coffee, you become acutely aware of the fact that the conversation you could vaguely hear echoing from the living room has come to a halt. Upon rounding the corner towards the kitchen, you glance over into the living room to see Oikawa and Iwaizumi sitting together on the sofa, watching a men’s volleyball game on TV. “Hey, guys,” you greet them with a small smile, not missing the way Oikawa’s quick to avert his chestnut gaze from your (e/c) one.

“Hey, (f/n),” they respond in unison. Since telling him you didn't return his feelings for you, Oikawa had dropped the affectionate -chan honorific from the end of your name. It’s a change he’s constantly reminding you of, and one that makes your chest clench with dismay each time your name rolls off his tongue.

“Who’s playing?” you wonder, trying to make casual conversation while you wait for your coffee to finish brewing.

Oikawa doesn’t budge as he answers flatly, “Tachibana Red Falcons and EJP Raijin.”

Your eyes light up with realization and you give yourself a small smack on the back of the head, since you can’t believe how quickly you’ve forgotten what your boyfriend told you earlier. “Oh, yeah! Of course,” you mention, voicing the thought that’s entered your mind, “Tetsu told me this morning. He’s at their game right now.”

Iwaizumi nods slowly but Oikawa adds, “Ah, so that's why you two aren’t attached at the hip right now like you always are.”

If his verbal dig had come out of left field, you would’ve been more surprised. However, you’ve been dealing with his offhanded remarks for a decent amount of time now, and have grown accustomed to them. But you can’t deny that it still sends uncomfortable shockwaves of guilt coursing through you. You don’t regret your decision to be with Kuroo, since it was one made by your heart and one you would always stand by, but you certainly miss having Oikawa as your friend.

An awkward silence befalls the group of you, and you turn your attention away from your spurned roommate to watch the coffee bubble inside its glass container. Aside from a few comments about the game, not much is said, and you have to try your hardest not to spill your drink while you rush to refill it and hustle out of the kitchen.

On your way back to your room, however, you feel a nagging sort of curiosity that you can’t shake, so you open and close the door without going inside, and, instead, tip-toe back down the hall just close enough to hear their conversation.

“You shouldn’t be so harsh towards her, ya know,” Iwaizumi scolds. His childhood friend gives no response, so he sighs and continues, “It’s not like she’s with Kuroo to spite you.”

“I get that, Iwa-chan, but knowing that doesn’t change the way I feel about her.” Your heart drops into your stomach, and you turn your gaze to the dark liquid in your cup, watching as ripples form on its surface from your shaky hold on the handle. There’s a short moment of quietude before Oikawa mentions, almost as an afterthought, “I still love her.”

Iwaizumi responds, “I know you do, but--”

“I already know what you’re gonna say. But she’s with Kuroo now so I need to get over yourself and move on, right?”

The chirping of a referee’s whistle from the television fills the short pause that follows his spitefully spoken statement.

“I’ll just keep telling myself we were never meant to be every night and hope I get so tired of trying to come to terms with the truth that I actually believe the lie instead.”

Iwaizumi grunts, “Hearing you talk like that is depressing. You’ll find someone else soon enough, Shittykawa.”

“Yeah, I will,” is his breathy response, as if spoken during a deep inhale, “I won’t find anyone else like her, though.”

“You haven’t told her yet, have you?”

“About?”

“Argentina.”

You can practically feel the strain in his voice grip at your own throat when Oikawa answers, “I’ll tell her closer to the day I’m set to leave.”

Wiping away the tears you find are suddenly sliding down your cheeks, you turn back down the hallway and slip into your room as silently as you can.

⭐︎ fran’s 600 milestone event! (reqs closed, interactions welcome!)

#fran writes hq!! #haikyuu!! #kuroo tetsurou #oikawa tooru #haikyuu x reader #angst #x reader #reader insert #haikyuu #hq!! #fran's 600 milestone event!! #fran writes requests!!

[soulvomit]

I’m realizing what some of my writing block is. This is why I’ve decided to only write *adult market.* I can’t write YA. I can’t even write for people who want to read YA. The narrative demands of an audience that wants everything to be Young Adult, are like handcuffs. I can’t write within those boundaries, I just can’t.  I can’t even write for people who read Adult then get mad that it’s not YA. I can’t write even for younger readers of erotica. I can only write for people with roughly my same level of social experience who are coming from the same place, who don’t require their characters to be moral paragons, or who want to read something that is coming from a different place emotionally, or... for that matter... young people who prefer to read older work.  Long winded diatribe about some of my more difficult, culturally incorrect romantic narratives I’ve written, as an example of this problem. In case you’re not going to read behind the read-more, no, I don’t write incest or pedo. (Doesn’t mean I won’t write a character who has experienced this if it comes up, I haven’t yet, but who knows. But I don’t write positive portrayals of it. I feel I need to write this disclaimer here.)  

Looking at my writing - I have some scenes I’ve written that are very passionate. It’s basically an OC fanfic type of scenario, it’s writing I did that spun off of a game setting my characters were in for a very long time, about two characters who later ended up married. (And I often do this when game groups fall apart, I start writing about my characters.) It’s some of my best writing, and I’ve often thought about filing the serial numbers off and cannibalizing this for some totally original setting. In the piece I’m looking at, the characters haven’t jumped each other’s bones yet, but there is a strong attraction between two lonely, unattached coworkers that is growing into... outright longing. These are middle aged divorcees with children. They have navigated love and lust before. They have been adults at this point for a long time. They are both sexually experienced (her, in fact, much more than him). It’s clear that they utterly want to rail each other from dusk to dawn until neither one of them can walk. Much of this is from the point of view of the male character. (And I LOVE writing het from the male point of view; it’s one of my favorite love/sex dynamics to write.) They’re definitely conscious of this attraction and in their private thoughts that I’ve written, before the attraction is consummated, there’s definitely “strong crush” energy. These are experienced, sexually mature, middle aged people who are both divorcees with children and they definitely are guessing correctly about the other person’s attraction and interest. They’re imperfect people: they’ve made bad life choices in the past. They’re equals, but it’s never *explicitly pointed out.* He’s a hypermasculine (but not toxically) and badass warrior type, she’s an engineer. She is older than he is, but that never matters and never comes up any more than the fact that I’m 6 years older than my fiance, ever comes up in our relationship. All four of us are *middle aged people* and it is just not a topic of conversation. Another thing that’s “eh” by YA standards is that The thing with how I portray and read erotic or romantic stuff, is that I am an older, experienced person, and I like stuff about older, experienced people. People who already know how to navigate these situations and don’t necessarily need everything spelled out. The thing is, I almost feel like - because of changing sexual mores - I can only write for people over 40 unless I totally rewrite the way everything goes and even the emotional temperature of their early relationship. Even though it’s very clear that my characters are absolutely mutually into each other, and it would be clear to any experienced person who navigates body language, I would have to navigate a whole new set of mores around having to outright spoonfeed my audience - we are really into tell don’t show now, we are really into long winded prefaces to everything explaining how everyone involved is really a good person, and I notice that there’s so little comprehension of nuance or subtlety now, things have to be spelled out, one character reading another person’s body language and flirting at a subtler level would be considered gross and against the present day’s mores around consent. My characters ultimately end up making out and going to bed and they never, ever talk about it and they never process it. The establishment of consent is very, very brief and amounts to one middle aged horny person basically saying “wanna fuck” to another middle aged horny person (personally, my absolute favorite way to start a relationship, that’s how my current and best relationship started, 10/10 highly recommend) and, 12 hours later, the other person pulling them into their hotel room. It’s the kind of establishment of consent that you would’ve seen in an older work and it’s not a particularly complicated dance. I didn’t write this work for public consumption outside of a handful of people and perhaps if I did, maybe I would have written it differently because I’d have to assume that “show don’t tell” doesn’t work on audiences who don’t read nuance, I don’t know. Also, in the lead up to the two characters doing the do, they totally sexually objectify each other in their heads. They think about how much they’d really, really like to pounce on each other. And this is... objectifying, or something. I always portray consent but there’s never a complicated ritual around it. I don’t enjoy writing that. Also, I really enjoy writing and reading stuff with spontaneous passion. I LOVE stuff where it’s even a little over the top.

But the big thing that seems to have changed? The big social more? It feels like you’re not really allowed to show your characters crushing too hard, or desiring too much. They’re certainly never allowed to have frustrating desire or one-sided attractions. (I’ve written lots of those. How the character acts on it or doesn’t, is going to depend upon what type of character I’m writing. I have a couple of one sided best friend crush types of dynamics that I’ve written, usually it’s same sex and incompatible sexual orientation.)   Characters are not really allowed to be horny and there seems to be a general disgust with horniness. Which is difficult to navigate because I love horny work, about horny people. I love stuff about crushes and frustrated limerence.   Also? I even love forbidden romance and forbidden sex and sometimes, and even characters doing things they’re Not Supposed To Do. (I think this is why so many people in my age group are into crime fiction, stuff about illicit affairs, etc.) I have the standard legal and moral limits, but yes I will even read about characters cheating on their spouses. It doesn’t mean I condone what the character is doing or want to do it, and it’s satisfying to see how the situation resolves. (It has to have consequences or it’s just not believable.)  

But even age differences between grown ass adults and massive social differences don’t bother me. I love reading and writing common and royal, rich and poor, people from forbidden and different social worlds.

I’m presently writing something in which a young (but adult) witch is married to an immortal god, and finds out she’s one of millions of his brides through history, and hundreds in the present time. And she is going to stay married to him because that’s part of, in my world, being the type of witch she is. OF COURSE there’s a power difference because HE’S A GOD. The story also spends a lot of time with her as a child, because I write CRADLE TO GRAVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I love to spend a character’s entire life with them, from the time they’re born to the time they die. But leaving that aside. The sweetest and most tender romance I’ve ever written, involved a sad 50something man and a 25ish year old woman. I was in my 20s when I wrote this. I had lived with the male character in my head for a long time and knew him inside and out. I was delighted when I realized that sparks were flying between him and another character, I’d lived through this character’s life story and its long history of unhappy self-sacrifice, and I decided to follow to see where it led... and it was delightful! I decided to let him have the happy ending. He deserved it after all of this time. She was the initiator of the relationship. She’s in love with him. He is a widower who’s lost everything and now he has a chance to rebuild his life and start a family with this new person. She has other suitors but wants him. She gets pregnant. But it’s narratively a blessing. She wants him, she wants their child, and he’s delighted (especially since his late wife and child are dead), it’s a matrilineal culture, she and the child will stay on the land with her family after he dies. This is a blessing for him. They’re on her family’s land and he’s an exile with no home. She is NOT a Literal Child; she is a grown-ass adult with her own agency, who is sexually experienced, and who has born a lot of responsibility, and is in a prominent social position. His existence is at the mercy of her family, though they keep him around because of his knowledge and abilities. He is the one who doesn’t initiate the relationship, because he’s conscious of the age difference and feels like an old fool, and worries she’ll tire of him one day. Who has the power? Also, he’s a “fish out of water” from another (completely fictitious) culture who ends up totally living among, and assimilating into, this new culture, and basically living out the rest of his life among them, with his bride and their children. And that’s something that isn’t supposed to happen, right? (Writers whose characters just show up in their heads, will relate to this. I don’t even pick my characters’ love interests.)

[luminecho]

For the ask game, Okami! Because I love that met through an entirely different fandom but have that one in common. <3

YES I love that too!! <3 I remember when I first saw your ao3 icon and just went “👀”, lol

(And tysm for asking, I will NEVER pass up an opportunity to scream about Okami)

(Ask game)

The first character I first fell in love with: Honestly? Probably Issun. I tend to get attached to companion characters really quickly anyway, and while his general,, nasty attitude (*cough* you know what I mean) definitely threw me off (I pretend I do not see it), he wormed his way into my heart pretty early on. Companions that only come with you for their own personal gain but then end up reluctantly befriending you... my beloved <3

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: Tobi. He’s a piece of paper. Why would anyone get so attached to a piece of paper? And yet Okami made us attached to a piece of paper. I never thought I would love him so much initially, but every time I see him I’m filled with joy and love. Favorite little scrap <3

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Waka. That’s not to say I don’t love him, because I definitely do, but there’s a very clear difference between the way I love him and the way fandom loves him, at least from what I’ve seen. Simps, all of you /lh. Jokes aside, I never really felt all that attached to him beyond his personality. His backstory just left something to be desired for me. He’s still a fun character though!

The character I love that everyone else hates: ISSUN! You have no idea how many times I’ve tried watching someone play Okami on YouTube only for me to not be able to continue watching because they have such a STRONG HATRED FOR ISSUN that I will NEVER understand. It makes me so sad.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: Ummm I wouldn’t say there’s anyone I’ve really grown to dislike, honestly. If I liked them, chances are I either still like them the same amount or even more than I did before.

The character I would totally smooch: Queen Himiko,, hh,,,, pretty,,,

The character I’d want to be like: This is an interesting one to think about... I wanna say Kai. She just seems like a good sister and a good friend. She’s just an overall really nice person. I love her a lot. <3

The character I’d slap: Issun again, lol. Seeing Ammy chomp him is therapeutic. He’s a little bitch boy and sometimes he really needs to get his attitude checked. Stop being GROSS, man. I would absolutely slap him, and he deserves it.

A pairing that I love: uhhhhhhhhh... I haven’t seen a lot of Okami pairings/ships in my time, but Rao and Himiko? Lesbians. Love that for them.

As for platonic pairings though, I’ve kind of always been obsessed with the potential dynamic that Ishaku & Shiranui/old-Ammy may have had. I wish we knew a bit more about them. I wish their reunion in Ponc’tan had been more... substantial? It was there but it was also mostly played for laughs. I get that Ishaku is old, but I still feel like he would’ve noticed that Ammy, y’know,, doesn’t remember him? Also, the last time he saw her (him? them?), she literally died. You’d think he’d have a bit more of a reaction to seeing her again. Idk, I just found it odd and kinda wish we’d gotten more on them (especially after going through the Spirit Gate, there’s a lot of potential there). ACTUALLY, on the note of Ishaku, I ALSO wish we’d seen more of him and his relationship with Issun touched on as well. I wish we could’ve seen that reunion. I wanna see Ishaku react to his grandson coming home for the first time in years, I wanna see those apologies. We never saw them actually interact but their potential interactions are all I think about.

A pairing that I despise: Romantically speaking? Anything with Ammy in it. It’s just,,,,,, she’s a dog. She’s a dog, please— Just because she has a kid in the sequel doesn’t mean there has to be,, someone, you know? They’re gods. It just,, rubs me the wrong way. A lot. There’s some WEIRD ships out there with her.

#tysm for asking sister!! :D #// #answered #sister-dear #ask game #okami

[harrysdimples]

folklore track by track review

the 1: love me a piano intro. oh this guitar?? swearing in the first 5 seconds? I like these lyrics. never bleed????????? hmm.................it would’ve been you.............I..............it would’ve been fun if you were the one.........bruv..........dare I say it...............am I just clowning.....or like.......................is she....ya know.......talking about........you know.......h****?? oh these vocals ! bruv I don’t care this is about harry because I say so afhdjssa. I really love this production and her vocals, it already sounds so much more mature than lover and it’s only the opener, feels like a more-mature version of a deep cut on red. excellent start!

cardigan: oh this percussion?? the piano?? her voice sounds fab. is this about the met? black lipstick? or bleachella? her VOCALS bruv sound 10x better than anything on lover?? I love these lyrics omg. THIS IS SO GOOD. HEARTBEAT ON THE HIGH LINE ONCE IN TWENTY LIFETIMES. this so good?? try to change the ending peter losing wendy?? leaving like a father running like water????? I love this so much omg. the atmospheric vocal...the percussion....the lyrics.....the piano......LAV IT. I can’t get over how already this is more lyrically dense than lover and reputation but I ain’t complaining!! I’m both surprised and not surprised that they went with this for the single from this era but I really like it, it feels like it would fit right at home in the NFR tracklist.

the last great american dynasty: love these strings?? omg the beat? is this political? hmm I like the lyrics of the verses but i’m not 100% feeling the lyrics/structure of the chorus, feels a little like she’s trying to fit too many words into the line, but I love the storytelling aspect of it and it’ll probably grow on me. it’s like a grown-up version of starlight or the lucky one. Is this supposed to be like an alternate version of what taylor’s life could’ve been like? or am I just completely misinterpreting that lmao?

exile ft. bon iver: like this piano intro. love bon iver. oh the birds in the background?? ooft these lyrics....brutal. is this about calvin? is that a kazoo? afjdshjsa I promise i’m not trying to be like this but like......this is very......hm. I really love his voice. the bridge is really pretty with both their voices. I can see myself staring dramatically outside the window listening to this when we’re allowed to properly go back outside lmao. very nice and pretty, it’ll probably hit harder later on than my first listen but I like it. 

my tears ricochet: this a-cappella intro? oh this is sad :( what a ghostly scene....................................I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace :( oh this buildup?? I still talk to you........omg these atmospheric vocals I. LOVE. I need to read the lyrics on my next few listens to this but I really like it so far.

mirrorball: this feels like the outro in a coming of age 80s movie. love the soft guitars. oh these vocals! I know she didn’t mean to but when she signs tallest it sounds like she’s saying toilet to me lmao. jack’s atmospheric vocals!!! yes!!! the bridge is really beautiful. all I do is try, try, try. I’m just trying to get you to look at me :( I do have to say, while I love how lyrically dense this album is and reflective it is in comparison to her last few albums, the instrumentation doesn’t change a whole lot throughout these songs on first listen, it’s more that atmospheric vocals/sounds are built on top of it, which is fine, but I think they’ll benefit a lot from me listening to them outside the context of the album. love the meaning behind this though and I think it’s really beautiful.

seven: (this is when I stopped doing live reactions and instead went for post track reactions) Is it weird to say that this did better at the “love letter to love” concept meant for lover than lover did? this song feels more like for her legacy/future family and how she’s grown than as an active, present moment which is nice. I will say while I did love NFR when it came out, it also hit a wall with me eventually where it needed some breathing space or something to break up the sections of the album (which harry does actually quite well) and I feel like we’re hitting that point (if we haven’t already). I’m always slightly apprehensive about long albums like this which is why I said this will benefit from listening outside the context of the album. 

august: I’m really curious as to who this is about lmao. but this was excellent in the progression of the track and the buildup/atmosphere and dynamics of the track, this was what I was wanting a bit more with songs like exile and it did great at building a different sonic landscape which is what was needed in the album imo. one of my favourite tracks so far.

this is me trying: this is very...wistful and reflective. a hybrid of the archer and I wish you would to me. “I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere, Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here” is a LYRIC bruv. feels reminiscent of what she said in the miss americana documentary about how you’re stunted in your growth when you become famous at a young age and you fall behind the emotional development of most people around you, which is really interesting. “Pouring out my heart to a stranger, But I didn't pour the whiskey” is that supposed to be like a metaphor for stopping herself from saying too much all the time because she knows it could get out/be perceived in a certain way? either way, these are some great lyrics. “you're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town” hmmm.....

illicit affairs: I LOVE THIS. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS. I have nothing else to add. this is fantastic. favourite track so far. amazing. 10/10.

invisible string: this song is really sweet lol I wish I was in love with someone to relate more to this. very referential to her work as a whole and I liked the more stripped down production.

man this is a long album lol

mad woman: FUCK YOU FOREVER. scream. this is very lana-fied lmao. I wish she did a little more with the electric guitar in the back though, imagine this more being soft-rock? so this is definitely about scott and scooter right? I do like this but it does feel very sonically similar to some of the tracks we’ve heard so far and I wish she had switched it up a little to fit the excellent lyricism of this song, more guitar would’ve really elevated the song imo. 

epiphany: lol I got a bit emotional listening to this, I can already tell i’m going to listen to this at night and cry lmao. I have a massive fear of death/the unknown and this song sort of touched on that concept to me and I really liked the production. this feels like it should be in a movie soundtrack or in like, grey’s anatomy. the heartbeat-like sound in the outro? beautiful. this is the sort of concepts I’ve been wanting from taylor for a while now and the execution of this was really good imo. 

betty: ms swift it’s okay to be gay. the elaborate-ness of putting yourself in the position of a man just to say you liked a girl. how are the kaylors/gaylors holding out lmao this is a nice story (like an upgraded version of ybwm) but I can’t get over how effectively no-homo this is lmao. the key change? love story wishes. oh the wistfullness to be young......and in looooOOOOoooOOove.

peace: love the guitar in the intro. this gives me another more grown up perspective of a song on melodrama? I love her vocals in this. I feel like i’ve said this about 40 times already but the atmospheric sounds....chef’s kiss. 

hoax: the closer. the LYRICISM bitch. “your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in” shut up :( the bridge is gorgeous. I’m not sure how I feel about it as the closer though, it ties up the themes of the album pretty well but I almost feel peace would’ve been a better closer? still really gorgeous though.

okay. overall thoughts. top 3 albums of taylor’s discography for me along with 1989 and red. It did feel long towards the end though and I still think her problem is editing and streamlining her projects which is why I think 1989 (as her best album for that) and red (while being longer than this has enough songs to break up the album so it’s not monotonous for the listener) rank above this for me at the moment, but that could change. If I were her, I would’ve taken out invisible string and possibly betty and seven to have as deluxe tracks. her lyricism is better on this album than both reputation and lover combined, she really did that in like 4 months. I will need more time with it as I always do with taylor’s projects but it was the album she needed in my opinion. I think part of the reason I disliked lover and to a lesser extent, reputation, was because they didn’t come across as if she needed to write them like her other projects, but more projects she felt she should to write because that was where the narrative of her public image was forcing her to go, this feels like a return to form, even if I would tweak a few things. the visuals for this album have all been great (her best album cover after 1989 imo) and I think it benefitted a lot from going into it with next to no expectations, without a single or anything and I hope she continues to just do whatever, rather than painstakingly plan marketing surrounding an album and just allow her talent to speak for itself. really good. favourite tracks are probably: illicit affairs, the 1, cardigan, epiphany and mirrorball. least favourite are probably: invisible string, seven and maybe betty too. i’d rate it about 8/10 at the moment. also: ****** never dies.

#ruth rambles #taylor swift