#i’m mentally dating nancy lol

[malewife-cas]

Hi :) Who are your top 5 st characters?

Hii :) this is actually so difficult, i love all my children equally but,,,

1. will (my son)

2. max (i’ve been in love w her since middle school)

3. lucas (wholesome sunshine <3)

4. el (my daughter)

5. mike (i am him and he is me. he’s just struggling rn <3)

#(not in order) #thanks for the ask! <3 #i love dustin. he’s my pookie comic relief baby but i wouldn’t say too 5 #i love you dustin <3 #and joyce she’s an angel. love her #i’m mentally dating nancy lol #robin <3 #see i love them all lmaoo

[drunkengodsofslaughter]

sorry i was the one sending the ask about your love triangle take while you posted it.

i think that is an interesting take and it does makes sense. however not to bring in ronance (i'm not a shipper) but i do think a lot of Nancy opening up in s4 has to do with Robin instead of Steve. Like Steve, Robin also could be seen as community. Nancy throughout s4 chose to be with her instead of Steve. It was Robin who slowly broke her out of this shell. I think if we also view ronance through that friendship level lense it makes much more sense than romantically. like Nancy yearns to have a best friend again after Barb.

i wish we could have seen or have knowledge what life was like for Nancy between seasons. like idk i also question what the outside thinks of her relationships and how much that affects her. in s1 it was very clear she cares a lot about her reputation, being with Steve for a year i'm sure people didn't look at her negatively. she had even other friends close enough to have sleepovers with. and then she broke up with him rather messily and started to date the school creep almost immediatly. i mean people definitely were talking. i could imagine Tommy spreading some rumours. i would love to see how that affected her because like you said Jonanthan is isolation, being with him meant being cut off from people. how did she handle those rumours? i could imagine it drove her to even isolate further and she developed an us vs them mentality. like what did her other friends say, esp after hearing things through the grapevine.

tho i'm not a stancy fan (sorry) i do agree with a lot of your points

it’s totally fine that you did that you had no clue i was in the process of writing that lol. and ohh okay this is interesting i didn’t think about it like that. okay ronance can be seen as community. i think she opens herself up to robin but also robin and nancy’s conversation starts out with talkjng about steve. robin has to make sure that nancy knows that steve and robin aren’t dating. while yes steve doesn’t actually bring them together: steve makes nancy confront with the fact that she’s isolating herself. nancy sees steve’s car first then sees everyone else. steve is the initiative for nancy to confront everything about community. then robin does play into it because honestly steve and robin represent the same thing. but the difference is who is in nancy’s narrative and who represents what. nancy has just meet robin so while robin does mean community and brought nancy out: it’s not exactly 100% a romantic representation towards nancy. i think robin represents community to nancy as a friend meanwhile steve is community as a partner to nancy.

honestly i wish we saw a lot of the characters in between but yes especially nancy! ohh you make such excellent thoughts and observations. like jonathan is isolation so what would those rumors effect? especially because like you said she cares about her reputation (much like steve just observing something i promise lol). god yeah those rumors would not help with her situation at all - it would make it so much worse and she would want to isolate even more.

don’t be sorry that you’re not a stancy fan i’m honestly happy that you decided to hear me out and have been respectful towards me. i also hope i’ve been respectful to you 💜

#answered asks

[cinnachuu]

DATING MIDARI HCS

a/n: we’re coming to the end of the kakegurui girls, only a few left on my list! hope u enjoy this one! Midari is one of my personal favorite girls <33

warnings/genre: this one will heavily mention Midari’s masochistic nature and heavier violence, along with self harm. please practice self care and avoid reading this if that’s not your style. thank you!

•this relationship literally needs a warning sign plastered on it

•let’s be honest here, you’d have to be madly in love to date her

•obviously I acknowledge all negative attributes to the girls, but I feel like this relationship would be the most dangerous

•you’ll spend countless nights thinking if Midari is okay, it she’s landed herself in trouble or gambled herself dead in a ditch

•it’s very unhealthy, and I definitely think that if you wanted a good relationship, seek someone else.

•she’s very arrogant and selfish, often belittling you or disregarding you if try to scold her for her behavior

•she reminds me of a feral Dazai, begging you to join her to commit acts of violence to yourselves.

•she begs you endlessly to gamble with her, growing agitated when you say no, bounding about to desperately throw away your lives to gamble

•dating her is similar to descending into madness. All she wants is to throw it all away with you and bury yourselves in risk and intensity

•she honestly doesn’t care for your safety at all, and expects you to do the same

•she doesn’t like you coddling over her

•but at the same time, she’s desperate for your affection, she just doesn’t know how to properly recieve it, or what healthy affection is

•you can take this relationship two different ways

•right, so obviously you can put yourself into a care taker role, not in the way that’s used in certain communities, but in the traditional way.

•you can try your best to be patient, reassure her with positive affirmations and do everything in your power to try and keep her mindset in healthier places

•will it work? depends :)

•see, Midari is such an instinctive person. She would need to trust you, and her instincts would tell her to listen

•but would anyone allow her to go sane?

•Kirari would strongly dislike you. She enjoys Midari masochistic nature in contrast to her sadistic one, she’ll threaten you until you stop trying to care for Midari in the way no one else has.

•so, you can love her slowly, help her find healthier coping mechanisms and ways to handle her nature, and be absolutely hated by Kirari, and god knows how long it would take to help stabilize the mind of Midari.

•so! the alternate is enabling this behavior

•honestly? none of these options are safe but Kirari won’t be at your throat so...lol

•this is gonna be at the sacrifice of your health

•Midari is so selfish, you feel like you’e just an obstacle in her way at times

•and you won’t sleep, constantly thinking of her and if she’s okay

•but she doesn’t care, she just wants more risk, more and more filling her cup until she snaps

•but ahem

•we’re here for a good time and not a long time, so let’s get on with some fluffier aspects of your relationship :))

•alright, so she’s not very good at giving in relationships.

•but she does do a lot of absent minded physical affection if you two have been a pair for a while

•throwing you onto her lap, holding you close, wrapping an arm around you

•her love is tough, get used to it

•she doesn’t use pet names other than darling. I just feel like she’s not the type, she already loves the feeling of your name on her tongue

•she loves pulling you into her arms hehe

•she doesn’t like receiving gifts or giving them

•I feel like affection is very very difficult for her, she’ll have a hard time processing a proper response or she’ll feel really weird about it for a while

•a healthy relationship with her won’t be the easiest, it’ll require all your time and effort, so in the nicest way possible, don’t try

•there’s no way you’re gonna break Midari and help her safely, she can never love you that much, she’ll never be able to process loving you enough to be saved

•but if you’re nice to her, she’ll obsess over you

•the way she shows her infatuation with you is gambling

•she’ll get really upset if you’re not good so get practicing !!

•gets so excited whenever you beat her, even if you insist you don’t want her stacks of money she offers

•she claims that if she’s not losing anything, the experience doesn’t feel right

•she always begs to harm herself in order to pay off the debt she owes to you, it’s terrifying and it takes all of you to stop her

•oh! She practically worships you and is constantly begging for your attention to be on her

•she loves loves loves gambling with you

•just pretend the game isn’t totally rigged by you from the start so you don’t end up dying, and everything will go as planned

•she gets so upset if you don’t enjoy the same things as her, and verbally goes off on you when she gets very agitated

•anyways, slipping back into negative nancy mode

•she’ll hold you dear, as long as you never step out from the image she sees you in

•I would love to go on and on about your relationship, but let’s do some more light hearted stuff :,)

•takes you around when doing her beautification duties

•she likes placing flowers in your hair, and you have to fight her away from the scissors

•she tries really hard to look her best for you, she wants your attention and love so badly

•is just desperate for your affection, it’s just so hard for her to understand how you can love someone healthily

•I rlly cant imagine u getting into the situation of you dating her

•I’m not saying that dating anyone with a mental illness will be a hassle or painful, I’m saying that Midari is so far gone and traumatized that there’s no possible way that you can manage to help her stabilize and find healthy coping methods by the time you graduate

•no that isn’t a challenge you are going to get killed

•kirari hates you <3

•I just have a feeling that Kirari absolutely despises you JANDKSJD

•Midari thinks you’re beautiful though and will often laugh and caress your face, admiring you, tracing your features with a sharp nail

•desperately begs for you to kill her one day

•she thinks you’re a goddess, groveling at your feet

•her camera roll is full of photos of you, it’s honestly a little bit creepy

•ive never written explicit yandere but that’s definitely what I could classify her as

•I just feel like she would be absolutely obsessed with you, and once she descends to that level you can’t stop her

•I’m sorry this one was so negative!! but I promise the next one will be lighter on the heart <33

•Midari is not, and I don’t think she could be a great girlfriend in the near future.

•but you can try to help her :)

•and honestly, you’re just as mad as her for loving her.

#kakegurui imagines #kakegurui x reader #kakegurui midari #midari ikishima #kakegurui #midari x reader #woooo this one was a lil heavy

[neonponders]

I'm sorry your brain is feeling squished!

Question: what the most outlandish harringrove au/idea/ concept that crossed your mind, but you immediately dismissed because you were worried it was too 'extra/big/over the top'

🥺 😭 Thank you, Graaaaaves 💗

You know, for some reason, I tend to avoid super fantasy au's??? (so says the person in the middle of a werewolf/vampire/witch/merman fics 🙄) Like every time I see griffin/centaur/faun art of the boys I lose my mind, I love it so much. And I recently saw this pic of a pair of lions (it's not weird, it's just a picture of lions lol) and thought.........that's Harringrove. Shape shifters? Steve's hair is literally Kovu from Lion King 2...but I never go anywhere with these haha I think it's the notion of writing horse sex that scares me off LOL

BUT I got brave once and made a tiny drabble on zayacv's post here ~

Apart from these, I am ~ s l o w l y ~ but surely writing a soulmate fic where they can't see colors until they see their mate, AND they can see each other in dreams.

(more under the cut because I'm about to overshare lol)

Cue a LOT of angst because Steve forgets his dreams (like a normal person does lol) and forgets Billy's abuse, so Billy's pissed when they finally talk and he's like????????????? HELLO? You don't care???

They slowly work it out over the next several months, and finally arrange a proper date BUT Billy experiences the crash at the start of season 3, and actually knows about the Upside-Down so he runs fast and far away from Hawkins, standing Steve up, and leaving the team behind to deal with it. Steve knows he's alive because of the dreams but it's still terrifying to wonder if Billy disappeared because he's in that meat spider.

Then he and Jonathan move to NYC and for a while, it's good. Just the daily grind to pay rent and the rush of being outside of their small town. But Steve's growing more and more haunted by the dreams he shares with Billy, because Billy's off living his life and dating - like a normal person, sure, but it still feels like cheating and Steve DID get stood up. They know they're soul mates because they can see colors and Billy left.

He left Steve.

Steve falls into heavy depression, unable to hold a job, Jonathan and Nancy get engaged - rubbing salt into his wounds - he develops an eating disorder because he feels bad about eating the food Jonathan pays for, etc etc etc.

Eventually he reaches a breaking point and uses the credit card his mom pays for to land his ass in therapy. After a few sessions, the woman is like, "Okay. I'm giving you antidepressants and sleeping meds, but you need to really think about the latter because you won't have dreams of your other half anymore."

Steve just wants to stop hurting, so he takes them. And, god, he finally sleeps. The meds make him super groggy throughout the day, and he sleeps like the dead - alerting Jonathan and Nancy that something's wrong, but that's a tangent - but he's finally recovering.

This coincides with Robin getting him a job (because she's in the city too, duh) bartending at a Drag Queen club. Steve's super lost in this place lol he know's he's not straight because - again, Billy - but this whole big, vibrant world of queer culture is new and intimidating and Steve's just so so tired.

But the owner clocks his ability to see colors immediately, because he's visibly bothered by somebody's makeup job. "They're wearing green, unblended foundation but can't tell because it's all grey tones to them."

And when I say this is a club, it's a CLUB. Projected stage, the owner's partner works at a record label, like, the drag scene may be a bit underground, but they're not messing around. These Queens become Steve's fairy godmothers and get him back on his feet, demanding he take dance lessons to be a backup dancer on occasion "Because the people love you, Stevie baby, get your ass on stage."

My favorite point is when the owner tells Steve to go in the makeup room to get a particularly ornery Queen out of their mental crisis and get into costume. Steve discovers their breast plate and it's just NASTY. Covered in caked on makeup and he has his own mental snap of his own. He cleans the weird, silicone thing, and is shouting louder than the whiney Queen,

"THIS IS DISGUSTING! IF YOU CAN'T RESPECT BREASTS THAN YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM AT ALL!"

The owners just love him. "Okay, Bisexual King, you better work."

Meanwhile....

Steve taking the meds to stop his dreams has also made Billy stop having his. And Billy freaks. He thinks Steve is dead, and begins a desperate scavenger hunt to find him.

There's a lot more to this lol like Steve's psychiatrist recommends journaling, and Steve writes a poem that wins a poetry contest, which lands him a big scholarship to an NYC college. So he's colleging by day, Drag Kinging by night. His mom shows up to ask what the hell is so expensive every month on the credit card, and Steve confronts her about her ability to see colors because, "You've worn that specific coral peach shade ever since I was a kid."

So then Momma Harrington is in the mix and the two of them get a place together in the city (probably with Robin too, so that they can have a nice, swanky place and the three of them split the rent). Momma H. also reveals that Steve had night terrors as a kid because he DID see Billy’s abuse. She had to take measures so that he would sleep well and whatever hypnosis they did helped Steve sleep back then.

Steve's writing ability enables him to meet a band, so he writes for the band, and it's an added siphon to get his feelings about Billy out.

It's a very intricate story, obviously lol and it involves a lot of poetry, which isn't my strong suit. But it's very mental health-heavy, so I have to be in a certain place to write for it.

*sigh* thanks for reading lol

#ask #answered #neonponders #gravegroves #ily and hope you have a magnificent day #thanks for checking in 💗🥺 #harringrove

[n3rdybird]

Meddling

Written for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​‘s Multi Fandom Follower Celebration.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Prompts: “Siblings best friend” and the quote “What do you have to hide anyway?” which I admittedly tweaked to “What does she have to hide anyway?”

Rating- T for Dustin’s potty mouth, lol and some tooth rotting fluff. Enjoy!!

-----------------------------

Steve Harrington was having a good day.  Spent some time with his little buddy Dustin at the arcade, flirted with some girls, beat Dustin at Mrs. Pacman (which was pure luck, but that didn’t stop him from celebrating with a very elaborate victory dance) and now he was driving him home, and he might just get a chance to see you, Dustin’s older sister.

He had never paid much attention to (Y/N) Henderson, as you ran in a different clique in school.  You were too smart to be caught hanging out with him, but he was aware of you.  While he and his friends ruled the school with sports, parties, and popularity, you were quiet, smart, and just… nice.  He shared a history class with you, and when he was having trouble keeping track of the names/dates/places, you leaned over his desk during a free period, and taught him tricks to keep the facts straight.  And when he got a B- on his next quiz, he showed it to you proudly, and you gave him the most brilliant shy smile and congratulated him.

He was dazed by your smile for what seemed like hours, until his friends asked him what his problem was.  When he showed them his quiz, they laughed it off.  He laughed it off too, shoving the quiz into his bag.  After all, “King Steve” wasn’t a nerd, he didn’t worry about grades.

But then, he started dating Nancy, and then all that weird shit was happening.  His friends didn’t seem like friends anymore, and Barb disappeared.  And then life was normal-ish for awhile, until Nancy dumped him.  Then Dustin dragged him into catching Dart, and you stumbled onto them with their weapons and pads.  You demanded to know what was going on and why was your Mom looking for Mews across town.  Any ideas Steve had about you being quiet and mouse-y were blown away when you armed yourself with a golf club to help out.  Especially when you helped him escape from the demodogs in the junkyard with a well placed swing of a 9 iron.

And again, things calmed down after a while.  He found himself a pseudo big brother to Dustin and harboring a crush on you.  But he was too nervous to talk to you, so instead he hung out with her little brother and kept his crush to himself.

“Dude, are you even listening?” Dustin’s voice broke into his thoughts.

“What? Sorry man,” Steve apologized.  Dustin sighed and rolled his eyes.

“I was saying, I’m not sure if your advice on girls really works,” he repeated.

Keeping his eyes on the road, Steve gasped and clutched his chest as if hit with a mortal blow.

“My advice is awesome,” he corrected the young boy.

Dustin looked at him unconvinced.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” he prodded.

“Well, no but I’m not looking right now.  Lone wolf style, don’t want to be tied down,” Steve spluttered.

“So you weren’t trying to flirt with that blonde girl at the snack bar, and she didn’t laugh at you and walk away?” Dustin asked.

“She wasn’t laughing at me, she was laughing with me, there’s a difference,” Steve excused.

“Uh huh… sure,” the curly-haired boy said, keeping in his laughter.

“Young people, no respect.  I’ll have you know you are talking to “Steve the Hair Harrington.”  No one has better advice about the ladies than me.”

“I’m just saying, the pretending you don’t care method, doesn’t seem to work,” Dustin shrugged.

“Oh yeah, and where did you hear that?” Steve scoffed.

“I read it in my sister’s diary,” he said bluntly.

The car lurched to a stop as Steve braked hard, pulling the car over to the side as the car behind him honked.

“Dude, you can’t read your sister’s diary!” he blurted out.

“Why not? What does she have to hide anyway?  In case you forgot, we all fought monsters from another dimension together.”

Steve ran his head through his hair before focusing on the road again and steered the car back into traffic.

“Not the point man.  Girls’ diaries are sacred.  It has all their innermost thoughts, and she would kill you if she caught you.”

Dustin huffed.

“I was just trying to do research into a girl’s mind.  Mr. Clarke said that every successful experiment needs to be based on research.”

Steve gave him a hard scolding look.  

“Fine, I won’t do it again.  It didn’t have much to read anyway, just her talking about some guy she has a crush on.”

Steve had to keep from braking again when he heard that bit of information.  Instead, he tried to play it cool.

“A crush huh?  Did she ever say who it was?”

Dustin shook his head.

“Never gave a name.  Think he’s in her English class.”

Steve sunk into his seat.  He only had History with her this year.

“Huh, cool.  Wonder who it is,” he said distracted by trying to think of all the guys in your English class.  That asshole Billy was in there.  No, you wouldn’t have a crush on Billy.  Steve started muttering to himself, trying to work out who you could have a crush on.

Dustin swiveled in his seat, full on staring at the 18-year-old driving.

“Why do you care who my sister has a crush on?  Do you like her?”

“What no! No, no of course not.”

Dustin looked unconvinced.

“I mean, has she said anything about me?” Steve asked, looking anywhere but at his passenger.

“Dude, that’s my sister!” Dustin groaned, punching Steve in the arm.

“Hey! Easy, I’m driving,” he said, swatting Dustin’s arms away from him.  Dustin folded his arms and sat back down in his seat.

The car ride became quiet, and Steve was a little worried that Dustin was going to come after him with his own bat.

When he pulled up to Dustin’s house, you were sitting outside reading.  You waved at the car when you heard the familiar sound of Steve’s car.

Steve waved back like a dork and Dustin just shook his head.

“You know if you did like her, I guess it’s better than some of the other assholes out there.”

Steve smiled and held out his hand for a high-five.

“Thanks man, but I don’t think she likes me like that.”

Dustin shrugged and grabbed his backpack from the floorboards.  He opened the door to step out when he paused.

“History.”

Steve blinked.

“What?”

“He’s in her History class, not English.  Thanks for the ride!” he said, shutting the door and running up the sidewalk to his house.

Steve sat in his seat, frozen as his brain tried to process the new information.  You had a crush on someone in your History class.  Steve was in your History class.  He looked up to see you ruffling Dustin’s hair as he got to the front porch.  You waved again, before ushering your little brother into the house.

It could be him.

 ----------------------------------------------------

When Dustin got home, he had the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.  You were a little suspicious when he kept looking at you and looking away.

“Alright, spill it Dust-bunny.  What’s going on?”

He shrugged, and pulled a drink out of the fridge.

“Nothing, why?”

You narrowed your eyes.

“You’ve either done something or you are going to do something.  I can tell by like smirk you’ve got going on there,” you said, motioning towards his face.

“Nope, nothing going on.  By the way, is Steve in your history class?”

You folded your arms across your chest.

“He is, why?  Did he need some more tutoring?  We do have a big test coming up,” you mused out loud.

Dustin did a quick fist pump while you were distracted.

“Yeah, he said he wanted to ask you if you minded studying with him tomorrow.”

You nodded as you mentally ran through your schedule.

“I could, I don’t get off from the library until seven.  But afterwards I’m free.”

“That’s fine.  He said you can come straight over after work.”

“Alright, should I call him?”

“No, I’ll let him know,” Dustin blurted out.

You stared long and hard at your little brother.

“O-okay.  Just tell him to pick me up tomorrow at seven.”

“Right, sure.  I’ll let him know,” he agreed, before retreating back to his room and slamming the door.

You shook your head.

“Weird kid.”

 ---------------------------------------------------------

“Steve, Steve, come in, over!” Dustin called frantically into the radio.  Steve had received one of the walkie-talkies as he was added to the Party.  It was great for calls you didn’t want anyone else, namely his sister, to pick up on.

“Dustin, I was asleep,” the groggy voice of Steve answered.

“Get up, you need to get ready, over,” he said as he was packing his backpack with supplies. 

“For what? And you don’t need to keep saying over.”

“(Y/N) is coming over to help you study for your history test.”

There was a long silence and Dustin wondered if Steve fell back asleep.

“Why is she coming over?” was the confused answer.

Dustin groaned and resisted the urge to smash the walkie-talkie against the wall.

“So you can make your move dumb ass!  You know, ask her out.”

“Did she say something?” Steve blurted out, now clearly awake and listening.

“Not really, but you guys are in history together.  Obviously the guy in her diary is you.  So, we need to set the scene, make it romantic, and get you ready.  She’s expecting you to pick her up at the library at seven after her shift,” Dustin rattled off.

“Dustin… its 9 a.m.”

“Exactly, we have no time to lose.  I’ll head that way on my bike.  You better not fall asleep before I get there.  Over and out!”

Operation Clueless Idiots was underway.

 ------------------------------------------------------

You finished your shelving for the night, and leaned against the front desk.  Dustin was acting strange, well, stranger than usual? But not as strange as when the world was ending.  So, he was acting odd.  You tried to puzzle out why Dustin was acting so weird, when the head librarian dropped her hand on your shoulder.

Jumping a little, and embarrassed she had caught you off guard, you apologized.

“No need (Y/N), I know why you are so spacey today,” she said with a knowing nod.

“You do?” you asked, confused.

“That nice handsome young man has been waiting for you in the parking lot for the last fifteen minutes.  You can go ahead and leave for the night.  Don’t keep him waiting,” she said with a wink before heading to her office.

You felt yourself flush at the mention of Steve.  If anyone had told you that you’d be friends with Steve the Hair Harrington, you’d roll your eyes.  Before, Steve was very self-absorbed.  He only cared about his popularity and sports.  But that was just a mask.  The Steve you grew to know was brave and funny and selfless.  

After everything and he was dumped by Nancy, he took Dustin under his wing.  You were thankful.  When your dad left, your brother confided in his friends, but he didn’t have an older male presence in his life.  There was no way he’d talk to you or your mom about his crushes or girls.  But Steve took the time to hang out with him, and build up his confidence.  It was sweet, really.

It wasn’t hard to start having feelings for him, past friendship.  He was always around, hanging out with the kids, helping you baby-sit, and each one of his smiles sent you into a tizzy.  When you began to interact at school, he quickly shut down his friends unlike the previous years, and would make time for you no matter who was watching.

This new grown up Steve was wonderful.  (Well, a little grown up.  You did catch him and Dustin having a ‘light saber’ duel in the backyard once.  Dustin won, of course.)  But even with your newfound friendship, he seemed to hold himself back from getting to know you.  You had come to accept that the two of you were friends, and nothing more.

Even if studying was the only thing happening tonight, you couldn't stop the zip of excitement that coursed down your spine when you exited the library.  Steve was leaning against the passenger door of his maroon BMW, messing with the strings on his hoodie.  You cleared your throat, causing his head to snap up. You waved hi and his face lit up.

"Hey (Y/N), how was work?"

"Quiet, you know. Like a library," you joked.

He laughed along with you.

"Haha, I bet. You'll probably be wishing you were still at work once we start studying. I don't know how you keep everything straight," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well for starters, I pay attention in class," you teased.

Steve groaned.

"But Mr Sutherland is so boring. I can barely keep awake."

You poked his forehead.

"Even so, just taking notes help."

Steve nodded.

"You ready to go?" he asked, opening the passenger door.

‐----‐------------------------------

Steve's house was huge.  Definitely one of the bigger houses in Hawkins. But it almost felt like a museum. Very beautiful and clean, but sterile.  There weren't any piles of shoes or tossed coats on chairs. Even the stacks of magazines were perfectly arranged.

As you stood in the middle of the immaculate living room, Steve grabbed his backpack and yours.

"We can study here," he started, but then noticed your awkwardness. "Or we can go up to my room."

"Your parents won't mind?"

"Nah, they aren't even home. Think they are in the mountains this weekend."

You knew Steve's parents went out-of-town a lot, the parties he threw were a testament to that.  But you realized how lonely he must be. Rather than bring it up, you nodded.

"Your room sounds good," you agreed.  Steve flushed slightly at the prospect of having you alone, in his room, his parents out of the house.

"Ye-yeah. I'm gonna grab some drinks and meet you upstairs. Are you hungry, I can get some snacks too."

"Sounds great. Which room?"

"Last one, end of the hall on the right."

--------------------------------

Armed with soda and snacks, and an array of meticulously highlighted notes, you began your study session with Steve.  He wasn’t as hopeless as he’d led you to believe, but he definitely was going to benefit from your help.

An hour and a half into the study session, Steve dropped his head on to his book.  He was laid out on his bed, while you were sitting at his desk.

“Please tell me we are almost done.  I think my brain is going to melt out of my skull.”

You laughed at his dramatics.

“We can take a break if you’d like,” you agreed, stretching your arms above your head.  Steve looked up and saw your sweater pull up just slightly, showing a sliver of pale skin.  He swallowed, reaching for his drink to slake his thirst.

“Is your back hurting? That chair isn’t too comfortable.  I usually just do my work on the bed,” Steve said, pushing some of his stuff out of the way.

“You can sit here, and I can use the chair,” he offered.

“Oh you don’t have to get up, I’ll just sit over here.  Plenty of space right?” you said, claiming a spot next to him against the headboard.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

As you kneeled on the bed, you didn’t take into account how soft the bed was, and nearly fell face first into Steve’s lap. He was able to catch you, his hands catching you around the waist.  His arms were tight around you, and you bit your lip to keep from letting out a squeak.

You looked up to see Steve staring down at you, his expression unreadable.

“Sorry-” you started to apologize, when Steve leaned down, his face just inches from yours.

“I really like you,” he said softly.

You sucked in air, surprised by his confession.  You didn’t move, trying to form a coherent thought.

“I really do. And I’d like to kiss you, if-”

You didn’t let him finish, but tilted your head up and kissed him softly. It was chaste, but sweet and you pulled back, your face flushing.  Even from a simple brushing of the lips, you felt like your entire body was surging with electricity.  All you wanted to do was keep kissing him.

“I like you too Steve,” you confessed, ducking your head down.  Steve was shell-shocked.  He never expected you to make the first move.  He moved one of his hands from your waist to your neck and he tilted your face up.  His fingers were gently cupping your neck, and you brought your eyes back to his.

“Can I take you on a date, a proper one?” he asked.

“No studying?” you teased.

“No studying.  Dinner, maybe a movie?”

You smiled.

“Yes.”

His face melted into one of the softest smiles you had ever seen on him.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Always.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When you finally got back home, it was late.  Your mom was asleep in front of the tv and you were very quiet as you snuck past her.

You were almost to your bedroom door when Dustin’s door creaked open.

“(Y/N)?”

You shushed him, nodding down the hall to your mom.

“Are you just getting home now?”

You rubbed your arm.

“Yeah, Steve was pretty far behind, so it took awhile to catch him up.”

Dustin’s sleepy gaze sharpened as he took in your flushed face and dreamy expression.

“I knew it.  Steve is the guy from your History class that you have a crush on!” he whisper yelled in victory.

Your brow creased.

“How did you know about that?”

“Oh, it was in your di-” he stopped, realizing what he was saying.

“I mean-” he stuttered, trying to figure out how he was gonna dig himself out of the hole he was in.

You pursed your lips and crossed your arms.  Dustin shifted his weight, not sure how you were gonna kill him, but he figured he might be able to escape if worse came to worse. With a sigh, you smiled at your brother, knowing that his meddling helped Steve confess his feelings.

“Thank you baby bro,” you said, ruffling your brother’s hair.

Dustin stood still, not sure if this was ruse and you were gonna murder him in his sleep.

“Just don’t read my diary again, unless you wanna read about Steve-”

Dustin covered his ears.

“La-la-la don’t want to hear the details, thank you.”

You laughed, covering your mouth as to not wake up your mom.

“Good night Dust-Bunny,” you said, before retreating to your room and good dreams about your new boyfriend.

#stranger things fanfiction #star's multi fandom follower celebration #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #dustin is a little shit #dustin and steve bff

[derekmorganscrocs]

AHHHH (Thank You/Update/Mini Rant)

That’s me screaming. For a few reasons.

Good reason! I’ve gotten so much love the past few days on all my posts, and as someone who’s felt super unappreciated and invisible, it means the absolute world to me. And since I struggle with confidence, the commments and asks I’m getting telling me that what I posted is good means everything to me. Like you don’t even know how much it means. Literally I love all of you sm, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The not so good reasons/updates on fic progress.

I HAVE SUCH BAD WRITERS BLOCK RN. And several overdue assignments, and I just went on a cleaning binge, reorganized my desk and sorted all my notebooks, plus cleaned my whole room. AND I ONLY HAVE THREE DAYS LEFT FOR COLLEGE APPS AND I ONLY GET FIVE PROGRAMS BUT I LIKE SIX AGH!!!

Anyways, I’m both creatively and mentally struggling, more so creatively than mentally, but I am trying really hard to put out more fics and stuff! The Bess Marvin one I wrote turned out to be a flaming dumpster fire (at least in my opinion), but I’ll post it if a couple people say they want me to. It’s not quite done, and I’m not comfy sharing with ppl I know.

Anyway! I have quite a few other things started that I’m hoping to finish, and I’ll try my best to have something posted by the end of the week.

I have so many Criminal Minds oneshot drafts, same with Bones, and I have a few other Nancy Drew and some Outerbanks. I also have a lot of Riverdale (don’t judge me lmao) from like March when I first watched it, but only a few of any are finished.

If you wanna reply with your fave characters, I’ll post whatever I have for whichever names pop up the most. You don’t have to! I’ll figure something out if not haha, but it would definitely help me out.

Y’all wanna see a dating Finn Abernathy head cannon?? Or a Wendell Bray?? I threw together one of those last night at like 1 am (for my preferences book I’m working on) in what I thought was a fever dream, but it was still on my phone when I woke up, so I guess it actually happened.

Anyway, I love it here and I feel so appreciated and loved despite the major burnout moment I’m having. Just thought I’d dump this here so I could maybe get pointed in a specific direction, but if not y’all can see my dumpster fire of a fic! That applies to so many things I’ve written, it’s kinda sad.

Anyway! Happy Wednesday y’all! Just realized it’s Wednesday which means you know what tonight is. NANCY DREW NIGHT!

Lol it’s Wednesday my dudes. Sorry I feel chaotic rn and can’t focus on anything haha. Anyway have a good rest of your day and an even better tomorrow!

#ace #ace nancy drew x reader #ace nancy drew #nancy drew cw #nancy drew #ned nickerson #bess marvin #george fayne #george fan #criminal minds #bones #riverdale #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #aaron hotchner #spencer reid #emily prentiss #jj maybank #john b #kiara outer banks #pope obx #help me my brain has betrayed me #burnout be like #why is my life a dumpster fire #wendell bray #finn abernathy #seeley booth

[fictionalfop]

After re watching all 3 seasons four times, each time with a different sibling, I got a little thoughtful about the Mind Flayer and what it represents to the abused children of the series, aka Will, Billy, and El.

Will Byers

In S1, Will clearly draws a parallel of the creature to the Demogorgon from the DND session. Both as a way of explaining what on earth was happening to him and also perhaps a way of verbalizing trauma. The Demogorgon is a minion of the Mind Flayer, being made to hunt Will down and presumably take him alive so the Mind Flayer can impregnate him. 

For Will, the Mind Flayer/Demogorgon hunts him down, terrifies him, forcing him to run from hiding spot to hiding spot. Back in Hawkins, Jonathan said that Will is ‘good at hiding’.

Why is Will good at hiding? Lonnie. Whether Lonnie was ever physically abusive with him is unconfirmed to my knowledge, but he definitely persecuted Will verbally, heaping abuse and insult and ‘you’re not good enough’ on his younger son. His arguments with Joyce were loud and explosive, clearly something that caused emotional and psychological distress to Will. (Also Lonnie kinda slammed my son Jonathan into a wall...so he could easily do something similar to Will, something cruel and cowardly, and brush it off as some manly ‘rough and tumble’) 

The first place Will made meaningful contact with Joyce was in a little cubbyhole, where she held the bundle of Christmas lights. It isn’t a stretch to see Will using the same cubbyhole to hide from Lonnie and, in the present, hide from the Demogorgon, stalking around outside, roaring. Harsh, loud sounds...like the voice of his abusive father shouting his name, shouting at Joyce.

So a double nightmare for Will. Also, thanks to Jonathan and Joyce, Will seems to suffer no guilt over what Lonnie did...he doesn’t seem to blame himself for his father’s abuse, doesn’t think he deserved it. He didn’t escape trauma-free, but is more concerned now with forgetting it, with finding his place in the world when he’s already so different by virtue of his isolation and his Upside Down adventure. It was just a ‘bad roll’ that will scar him forever. Something that just happened. Because life is like that sometimes. **cries forever**

Billy Hargrove

Billy’s parallels are a little more obvious. Like Neil, the Mind Flayer strikes with very little notice (and breaks up his date completely and I feel awful for laughing at that but still, lol). Like Neil, the Mind Flayer seeks to exert complete and utter control over Billy, to empty him of himself and put his own personality there instead. Like Neil, the Mind Flayer not only catches Billy, but exhibits violence on him and isolates him from humanity.

This is not to say that Neil was controlling Billy and making him behave as he did in Season 2. This is to say that years of abuse with no family/friendship structure to help him made it easy for Billy to lash out at others like that. He fights a war every day alone against Neil and his own personal demons of hatred, substance abuse, and depression, and after the Mind Flayer takes him his body becomes the same kind of battered, abused battleground.

And just like Will says, “the Demogorgon got me” because of his bad roll...Billy’s Mom told him to “watch out for rip currents”. And then, out of nowhere, a force of nature/evil grabs Billy by the foot and yanks him into a living nightmare. I do believe Heather falling into black depths, like water, is purposeful imagery. (If not then I am just a lucky fanfic writer) I believe the Mind Flayer drowns people in their own heads, subsumes them under their own identities. He is the Seven Foot Wave for Billy, but also the rip current underneath. And Billy must try to swim until he drowns. 

While I’m sure its been done to death, it’s worth mentioning that El’s act of empathy for Billy...the feeling that he was not alone, that someone cared...was enough for him to stand up to the Mind Flayer.

Which means that if Billy had either been reached out to or made the decision on his own to reach out (both viable. Nobody owes my dumpster son redemption but wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if it worked out that way, and nobody had to die alone and abused all their lives that’s what TV is for Duffer brothers yammit), then he would have resisted Neil’s domination and become his own person, scarred but free.

Eleven aka Jane aka El

Finally, El. There aren’t as many parallels here...except the same quality in El makes both ‘Papa' burn-and-die-please Brenner and the Mind Flayer interested in her...her psychic powers. Brenner sees her as a weapon he can point at others. The Mind Flayer sees her as a weapon pointed at itself. Brenner tried to destroy her humanity so there’d be nothing left but the power. The Mind Flayer tried to destroy her so she couldn’t use it. Neither of them cared about or saw the girl. 

And neither gives a toss about humanity either. If it could, the Mind Flayer would kill everyone. If he thought he needed to, Dr. Brenner would kill anyone. Both sides of the coin of the same type of monster. They both dehumanized El and reduced her to a pawn on their chessboard.

How did they react to this monster, and to this trauma?

Will fought the Mind Flayer tooth and nail to protect his family and friends. He loved them and it was their love for him that reminded him he could fight...with just a finger, tapping away at Morse Code. He retained a piece of himself until his family could drive away the bully. Like Lonnie, the Mind Flayer fled the house, slamming his door on the way out. Like an abusive parent being kicked out of a family he’d been damaging for far too long. And Will was left behind, battered, bruised, but alive. And he would continue to live despite the scars.

Billy fought the Mind Flayer in a way that, because of the Mind Flayer’s direct control, isn’t as apparent. Saving Karen, unnecessarily revving his car engine outside the mall to warn Nancy and the kids, and of course, the big scene...just standing there and saying ‘No’. Holding his ground. In many ways, just saying No and refusing to budge is far more difficult then walking the other way. Billy didn’t try to run. He caught the Mind Flayer’s tentacle/Neil’s fist, and despite the fact that the last time he stood between a bully and a woman (Neil and his Mom/Mind Flayer and El) and it didn’t do him a spit of good in the end...Billy was willing to do so again. And I will point out that during his final scream, black liquid was oozing out of his mouth. Sure, maybe it was a sign of internal bleeding. But maybe it was a sign that Billy was mentally kicking the Mind Flayer’s ass, and would have freed himself completely if not for that fatal strike. **coughBilly’salivehonksclownnose**

And El? El is so wonderful. Despite being deprived and dehumanized, she didn’t want to hurt that cat. She killed those men after being repeatedly isolated in a dark room that terrified her. She tried to please her Papa, ripped open a gateway to another world, and then blamed herself. When she went out into the world and met kind people, she wept because she realized she had put them in danger. And when Papa returned? Showered her with ‘love’ and ‘approval’ and promised to fix everything?

El had learned that, regardless of his ability to ‘fix things’, whatever lurked in Papa Brenner was evil, and would hurt her, and all the good people he’d left as a trail of bodies to get to her. She may not have had a single clue how to fix everything, but she had the absolute courage to try. She rejected evil and took responsibility for the entire world in a single moment, and I don’t think she can be praised enough for somehow rejecting years and years of brainwashing to make a choice that many of us today would hesitate over.

And El isn’t amazing because she had friends. Billy wasn’t so damaged and hurtful because he didn’t. Will didn’t retain his sweetness simply because his Mom threw Lonnie out. Friends and family don’t guarantee your moral state or even your social state. There are innumerable factors that get thrown into the mixing pot that makes up a person. Love, education, perception, inspiration, and outside treatment...these all get thrown against your inner reasoning, inner strength, and you make choices. Sometimes against impossible odds, against unavoidable failure, but you always make choices.

These children all chose to fight against the monsters that abused them, that tried to destroy them and everything that made them who they were. When their nightmares became real, and the Upside Down responded in kind, joining forces to torment them and echo what they’d already suffered from their ‘father figures’...they fought. The spark that was their spirit could not be quenched even when they were never quite the same. Even when they died. And that to me is an unbearably beautiful thing.

#billy hargrove #stranger things #will byers #mind flayer #lonnie #neil #i am so sad rn #babies #protect #monsters #eleven #jane #joyce

[alj4890]

Love/Jealousy Prompt

(Thomas x Amanda) with requests: to see them pregnant and more jealousy from Amanda.

(Thomas Hunt x oc*Amanda) Taken from And Then I Met You storyline.

@lxaah11 @alleksa16 @penguininapinktuxedo @blackcoffee85 @stopforamoment @darley1101 @hopefulmoonobject   @krsnlove   @annekebbphotography @gibbles82  @cora-nova @bella-ca   @sunflowergirl05 @desiree-0816 @greywitchyshots @lilyofchoices @emceesynonymroll @dr-nancy-house @aworldoffandoms @pixieferry @lolablackwrites @i-bloody-love-drake-walker 

A/N Sorry for the delay on everything. Things keep becoming crazy here and I am behind on chapters. Hopefully will have all back to normal by the end of this weekend. To make up for it, I have another look at these two and Amanda’s jealousy. Pregnancy is not helping her at all with it, LOL.

Masterlist

Journals

"Are you alright?" Thomas asked.

"Of course. It's only a thousand degrees out here. Nothing like sweat and a very noticeable pregnant belly to make a girl feel attractive." Amanda drily replied.

"You look stunning." He tried to place a kiss on her lips but she turned her head away.

"Stunning? As in, I'm stunned she even found a dress to fit in? Stunned at witnessing a human being able to sweat so profusely?" Amanda dabbed a cocktail napkin at her upper lip and forehead. 

"You know I meant beautiful." Thomas tried to reassure her. Her eye roll made him mentally groan. Since the beginning of her third trimester, she had spawned a highly critical view of herself.

"You are only saying that out of familial obligation." She muttered. "We both know I look like a beached whale that somehow managed to swallow another beached whale."

"Not in the least." His eyes swept over her, thinking how lovely she looked in her simple blue sundress with bow tied in the back. Her hair was swept up in a loose bun with tendrils around her face softening the severity. Her complexion practically glowed. "Let's try and find you a chair." He said when he noticed her shifting from one foot to another.

"I'm fine." She murmered. "When I spontaneously combust, I would rather not be sitting on kindling." She motioned toward the wooden Adirondack chairs that had been set out along the grounds.

He chuckled and kissed her temple. "How about something more to drink?"

She handed him her glass. "Yes, please." "Who gives a soiree outside in August?!" She narrowed her eyes at the the duke and duchess responsible. "That's right. Hakim and Joelle would."

He squeezed her hand and went to the bar. On the way back to his wife, Joelle called his name out and beckoned him over.

"Thomas! Look who I finally convinced to come for a visit." She waved her hand to the woman next to her, one he happened to know very well.

His eyes widened in surprise. "Jacquelyn."

The independent filmmaker artfully tossed her curly strawberry blonde hair back. "It's been a long time, Hunt."

"Yes it has." He lifted an eyebrow when she smoothly took one of the glasses he held. Her fingers brushed his and she looked at him beneath her lashes while taking a sip of the fruity punch.

"No alcohol? Since when do you try and remain sober at a party?" She teased.

"That is for my wife. She's eight months pregnant." He explained before turning back to order another drink. "Excuse me, ladies."

"So it's true." Jacquelyn followed him. She leaned against the bar and focused her brandy colored eyes on Thomas. "I had heard you married a few years ago. I didn't believe it then and I have a hard time believing you are beginning a family." Her nose wrinkled in disgust. "You never liked children."

He frowned at her words. "Meeting the right person changes certain viewpoints."

"I have to meet this miracle worker." She made a dramatic show of scanning the crowd. "Which one is she?"

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why?"

"Curiosity and to congratulate her on her work. She accomplished what many of us failed to do." Jacquelyn teased in a sultry voice. She slid closer to him. "You were the one man I assumed would remain single."

He took a step away. "Like I said before, all that changed after meeting my wife."

"Thomas?"

He turned quickly to Amanda. Her eyes flickered back and forth between him and Jacquelyn. She noticed the way the woman was making sure to brush up against her husband and how long they had been standing there talking. She then saw her drink in the red head's hand and felt as if she had been hit in the chest.

She took a step back and bumped into another guest. She mumbled an apology before turning back to her husband. "Thomas, I think I'm going to go home. I'll send the car back for you." She glared at the two of them and walked away with as much pride as she could.

He caught up with her easily. "Amanda? What is it? Are you ill?"

She could feel her cheeks flush as anger seemed to engulf her much like the August heat. "I am sick to my stomach. It all happened when my husband left me on my own to hit on some woman at the bar."

His eyes narrowed. "I didn't hit on Jacquelyn!"

She stopped and rounded on him. "Really? Then how do you know her name if you weren't hitting on her? You never talk to people at parties unless absolutely forced to."

"I wasn't hitting on her. Jacquelyn and I have known each other for years." He explained. "She followed me to the bar when I went to retrieve another drink for you and we were just talking."

"How well do you know her?" Amanda asked.

Thomas hesitated, unsure if her normal jealousy would be multiplied exponentially by the pregnancy hormones. "We, er, we both attended the same college."

Amanda folded her arms. Her suspicion was now through the roof. "How well?"

"We dated back in college." He said quickly. "And then tried again a few years later."

Amanda's jaw dropped. Why did this name seem so familiar to her? She then remembered where the name had appeared. "Is this the Jacquelyn you considered as the most desirable woman in the world?!"

"What?" Thomas had no idea what she was talking about. He had never mentioned Jacquelyn before to her. "What are you talking about? I never said that."

"Yes you did!" Amanda hissed. "You made certain to write it down!"

"Write it down? Why would--" Thomas stared at her for a few beats of stunned silence. "Amanda, did you read one of my old journals?"

She tossed her head and looked away from him. "I happened to come across it."

"Happened to?" He muttered, his eyes narrowing as his own temper began to snap. "I see. And how did this event happen?"

"I came across it by accident!" She walked around him and continued to the car. Tears filled her eyes at his tone. "I thought it was something else and noticed your handwriting."

"Your accident didn't stop you from continuing to read it." He accused.

Amanda paused at the car. "Are you saying if you came across one of my old diaries, you wouldn't read it?"

"Of course not! Those are your personal thoughts." He retorted.

"Really? If you thought it was something else and opened it to the middle, seeing my handwriting talking about how wonderful a certain man was, you wouldn't read on to see who I was talking about? How attractive. How intelligent. How perfect!"

Thomas shook his head. "I wouldn't read it."

"Well aren't you a saint among us mere mortals." She jerked the car door open. "After all I read, I'm certain you want to remain here and spend time getting reacquainted with her, don't you? She is so attractive."

Thomas refused to rise to the bait and remained silent.

Amanda glared back at the people milling about the party. "I can't believe this." She awkwardly got into the car and tried to shut the door. She let out a frustrated groan at having to ask him for anything. "Will you shut the door for me, please?"

Thomas spoke to the driver and shut her door. He walked around the car and got in beside her.

Amanda's eyes looked on him with disgust. "I don't want you coming home with me!"

"What?" He bit out.

"You're only coming with me because you think you should. You believe it will reflect badly if you remain to be with the one you find so incredibly desirable instead of leaving with your fat, pregnant wife." Her eyes narrowed on him. "I don't want you to come with me."

Hurt by her words, Thomas opened his mouth then lowered the privacy barrier. "Turn around and take me back." He ordered in a harsh tone. He raised the barrier and looked at his wife. "Happy now?"

"How could any of this make me happy?" Amanda nearly yelled. She gripped her stomach as the baby moved about suddenly. Thomas attempted to touch her in concern and she pushed him away. "Don't touch me. Just go be with your perfect woman and leave me alone."

"I am not going to fight with you over this because I believe that your hormones have caused you to lose what sense you once had." His tone was low and serious. "Once you have calmed down, we are having a long talk about a great many issues."

"Well, I can't wait." Amanda's sarcastic retort reveberated in the car. "Please don't hurry home on my account. In fact, feel free to follow Ms. Sensual Filmmaker to her next location."

His dark eyes studied her profile silently. "Amanda? Do you honestly not want me to come home?"

Bitter words were on the tip of her tongue. She finally looked at him and paused. Her shoulders slumped as she covered her face. "No." Tears began to fall from her eyes before the gut wrenching sobs followed. "You should be with her. She's gorgeous and clearly still wants you." She dug around in her purse for tissues as she cried harder. "I wouldn't choose me if it was between me and her."

Thomas told the driver to take them home before trying to comfort her. Amanda stiffened in his arms and she lifted her eyes to his. "If I wasn't pregnant, you wouldn't stay with me."

"I know somewhere in that hormonal infused brain of yours that you know how completely wrong that statement is." He eventually gave up trying to hold her. "Why are you even thinking like that?"

"The journal!" She snapped. "Your journal had more pages written about Jacquelyn and how she was a woman straight out of your fantasies than any I have ever seen before!"

"How many men's journals have you read?" He immediately regretted his question when she sucked in an insulted breath at the insinuation. He cleared his throat and tried to veer the conversation away from his past with another woman. "You never saw my journal from when I met you."

She blew her nose and shook her head. "You don't have a journal for then." She turned away from him in a huff. "Possibly a cocktail napkin about having to drive in the rain to pick me up from the airport. It probably only has the date and time listed. " She squirmed when his arms wrapped around her.

His lips brushed the back of her neck, silencing her for a few blessed moments. "I did keep a journal then." He murmured, placing a kiss behind her ear. He felt her muscles relax with each kiss and he continued talking. "Would you care to read it?"

She stiffened in his arms again. "I thought they were your private thoughts? Thoughts only you are privy to about all the other beautiful women in your life."

He pulled her back against his chest and turned her face toward his. His lips crashed down on hers, drawing a surprised moan from her. He sighed against her lips and met her tear filled eyes. "I think you should read them."

"Them?" Her brow furrowed. "You have more than one journal about me?"

He slowly nodded, letting his lips brush her skin with each movement. "I have two filled with longing for you to be mine. Then one from wanting the marriage to be permanent. Followed by the ones of each year we have been married." He placed a lingering kiss on her lips. "How could I not write about finally finding the love of my life, one who is truly the perfect woman for me?" His lips continued to move over hers as he spoke. "The one who not only met every fantasy I had but surpassed them."

"Thomas." She kissed him again. He could feel her tears fall and gently wiped them. Remorse flooded her expression. "I'm so sorry for letting my jealousy say all those things and for reading your journal. I--" She sniffed and tried to say more, only to be cut off by his kiss.

He softly shushed her and held her close. They sat there silently a few moments when a thought came to him. "When did you come across my old journal?"

Her cheeks flared with color. "About a month after coming to work with you. It was one night when I couldn't sleep and was searching your office for a notebook to write some ideas in."

"Oh." That at least explained why he had not been confronted with this before now. His eyes narrowed some more. "You remembered what I wrote after all these years?"

"Yes." She mumbled. "You have quite a way with descriptions."

"Did you read any others?" He suddenly felt a deep sense of panic as he recalled his relationships at the beginning of his time in Hollywood.

"I only read that one." She lifted her head off his shoulder and looked at him. "Thomas? Should I be worried?"

"No! Not at all." He planned on burning all he had written as soon as he could. He passionately kissed her to avoid more questions. "I was wondering if you had read my first impressions of you."

"You already know I had no idea you had written about me." She started to pull away as her eyes narrowed. "What journals are you worried I might have seen?"

"Er, um, I'm not worried." He pulled her back against him to avoid her penetrating gaze that rarely missed anything. He was thankful he had kept the majority of his journals hidden from plain sight. "I merely want to make certain you don't doubt my love and desire for you and only you."

Amanda pressed a kiss to his cheek and rested her head on his shoulder. A mischievous smile curved her lips. "Good to know you will be taking care of all those old journals that line the bottom left hand drawer in your desk."

#red carpet diaries fanfiction #choices red carpet diaries #thomas hunt rcd #choices thomas hunt #thomas hunt x oc #thomas hunt x amanda

[angelicults]

(   lili reinhart. cisfem. she/her.   )   is that elizabeth ‘betty’ cooper from riverdale in storybrooke ? on screen, they’re very constant + meticulous but here they seem more calculating + impulsive. the nineteen year old criminology student can usually be found around storybrooke police department with their hair pin that came with them through the storm. they can remember much about their life back home. crescent moons on pale palms, strawberry milkshakes at 12pm, messy case files scattered across a neatly organized desk, lollipop playing on a record from a different room. 

here we go again..... i’m so bad at intros this is a nightmare for m e

𝙖 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚

this will be my first time playing betty soooo ... please bear with me while i sort out quirks and muse and everything. :~) i’ll be sticking mostly to the show and i know everything is supposed to be canon but if you’ve ever watched it ... i’m straight facts ignoring the alice/fp/jughead story line because it makes me shout. thank you on god how do i even begin to explain the tragedy that is riverdale * triggering content to look out for in this post/plotting with betty is mental illness, family toxicity, death/murder, & serial killers * there will be major spoilers to riverdale plot lines in this post if anyone cares

𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙚𝙡𝙨𝙚, 𝙞 𝙜𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙨

NAME: elizabeth cooper NICKNAMES: betty, beth, b DATE OF BIRTH: september 13th ZODIAC: virgo HOMETOWN: riverdale, new york ( ? ) CURRENT LOCATION: storybrooke, maine GENDER: cisfem ( she / her pronouns ) ORIENTATION: bisexual OCCUPATION: student

𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙭𝙩 𝙙𝙤𝙤𝙧 ↝ a person or type of person perceived as familiar, approachable, and dependable.

𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙙𝙞𝙜𝙮 ↝ a person, especially a young one, endowed with exceptional qualities or abilities.

dig a little deeper, betty has always been put on some sort of pedestal whether by her friends or by her mother. it was easy for her to go with it for most of her life, but she eventually wanted to be seen as something more. the pressure to be quote-on-quote perfect put on her shoulders by her mother was hard to deal with, and she was sick of being the .... angelic one of the friend group. she often felt as though she was playing a role, and eventually broke out of the labels to be who she really is.

family toxicity trigger. a picture perfect family isn’t always as it seems , which was the case for the coopers . betty and her sister polly grew up under a strict mother and a charade of a father , always under pressure to keep up a reputation and try to present themselves as perfect . alice pushed betty harder than she did polly , often pushing her buttons in order to push her to be the ideal daughter she wanted . maybe it was projection , maybe not ... it sucked nonetheless . after finding out the real reason her sister polly wasn’t staying with them anymore , betty wanted to cut most ties that alice had on her . for a while , they were at each others throats in a passive aggressive way , each trying to get under the others skin . their relationship remains on/off , but for the most part betty only feels close to her cousin , cheryl .

death/murder, serial killers & mental illness trigger. whew ...... love the riverdale writers ! anyway , while investigating a case on a killer that appeared in riverdale ... he began to seek betty out . he was conversing with her and leaving hints that only she would know , trying to manipulate her into some Wild Shit and yeah ... eventually it turned out to be her father ? idk , but he died a bit later . while unsure on how to cope with the death of her father , if she should mourn or continue to resent him , betty also struggles with the fear that she’ll turn out the same way he did . while still alive , he often told betty that she was exactly like him and that he saw something in her and she shares the same traits as him and blah blah blah. anyway she’s scared that she’ll be like him lol

so in storybrooke she’s trying to get herself on track and she’s actually happy to be far , far away from riverdale. can’t imagine why !! once she began treating the storm as a case , she started to become more comfortable in the small town than she’s been in a long time . it didn’t take long for her to enroll in school , studying towards something she wants to do on her own . to summarize , she’s happy now and wants to start fresh . leave the past behind her for good . she won’t be phased if she never gets to leave .

oh , and , she caught on that some people don’t know who they are/have blurry pasts ... and now she’s pretending that she's in the same boat in case anyone she doesn't wanna run into is here . as a treat .

𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙢𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙞 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙚𝙡𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙣

betty is an extremely helpful/resourceful person. she’s a huge empath and basically looks out for others before herself

she often puts herself in dangerous situations to follow what she thinks is the right thing to do ( and sometimes it isn’t ). curios cat type situation u know

she’s basically nancy drew so when anything Mysterious happens u can count on her to believe whatever you tell her and try to figure it out with you

also a master lock picker so like... dm her!

due to her family problems she has a hard time trusting and letting people in, even the people closest to her can get shut off easily if she suspects something is going on

besides that she’s also very social and likes to have people around , just prefers to keep them at an arms length

more of these will come when i figure out her muse more fsjkgjk

𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞'𝙢 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨

#maine.intro #˜ ♡ ﹙ elizabeth cooper ﹚ ↝ 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 ． #one down one to go #tw death #tw murder #tw serial killers #tw family toxicity #tw mental illness #whew...

[inconvenient-sneezes]

Could you write some more Jonathan? I’m missing him lol. Maybe with Steve semi bullying him (after he starts letting his sweeter side show a bit since starting to date nancy) noticing he’s sick, and somehow convincing his posse to back off without letting on that he’s concerned about Jonathan.

abso-fucking-lutely. sorry this took so long — i’ve been traveling. i hope you enjoy this lil drabble 😌

 *** 

“Well, if it isn’t Jonathan the pervert,�� Steve announced snidely, slamming Jonathan’s locker shut and nearly missing his fingers. “Whatcha up to, loser?”

Steve’s posse was positioned around him, as usual: Nancy, slightly behind him to his right; Carol, arms akimbo, on his left; and Tommy H. to his right, grinning per usual. 

Jonathan glanced up at him nervously, trying not to sniffle. He’d been hit with a cold that’d been going around school and felt like death itself. He swallowed anxiously and winced at how badly his throat hurt. 

“Physics,” he told Steve hoarsely, reaching up to spin his combination again. 

As his fingers spun the knob, Jonathan pretended Steve wasn’t still staring at him. 49… 13… 

“H-heh’CHSSHUH! Hap’SHHH!” 

 He sneezed twice off to the side and goosebumps ran along his arms — a belated response to his sneezes. Jonathan shivered involuntarily and mentally scolded himself for it. Why did he always have to look so weak? 

“Poor baby,” Tommy clucked, puckering his lips and making kissing noises. “Not feeling well today?” 

Jonathan ignored him and opened his locker, gathering his textbooks into his arms. “Just leave me alone.” 

His eyes watered terribly and he tried to blink away the itchy tears. Fuck, he needed to sneeze again. As they all watched him and Carol opened her mouth to say something snide, Jonathan’s breath caught and he knew he was screwed. 

“I-ihhh… hihH! Heh’TSCHHH! TSHZSHHH!” 

 He stumbled as a result of the sneezes and his books tumbled to the floor. The group laughed (save for Nancy), but Steve felt an odd twinge of guilt.

“Dumbass,” Tommy said in between giggles, but Steve gestured for them to go.  

Jonathan sniffled as he scrambled to pick up his books. 

“Let’s go guys,” Steve said, nonchalantly kicking “Principles of Physcis” toward Jonathan. “We’ll leave Snotathan to his business.”

***

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#ok jonathan is so fucking fun to write #so is mean!steve #love it #drabble #drabbles #strangersnz #snz #snez #sneezefic #snzfic #snzblr #snezblr #sneezeblr #sneeze kink #ask #asks #request #requests

[peachymess]

random question - if you had never watched aot before, and you decided to binge watch/read the entire series up to date, do you think you would have the same fav characters or not?

That’s a very god question.  I’ve actually reflected a lot on this... I’ve grown a lot since I found Armin. I got stronger in certain aspects, and I think... I’m less inclined to unconditionally fall for the low self-esteem characters now. But only by a small margin. The defining factor is, whether they try to push through their self esteem struggles on not. Those that let themselves become a victim over and over and never seem to be able to give up the comfort of using their uselessness as a crutch, I don’t have unlimited patience for anymore (just almost). I’ve been there, growing up that was me. But I grew - and Armin helped me grow even further. And I know that nothing will ever be better by just whining about it. Woes me. Yes, woes you... to a certain point. But once you’ve had your cry, you have to get up; there is no other option. Well, there is the choice of remaining in your sorry state, lamenting your inadequacy... but that will make you remain inadequate for the rest of your life, and at that point, you’ve got yourself to blame; not the world. It’s been scary to recognize that I understand why people find Armin whiny and useless. I’ve lost the unconditional patience I once had for attitudes like that - the victim mentality - because I’ve come to realize what perpetuates it and what defeats it. In the end, the only thing you can do is get back up and keep trying. “Just DO it”. Those that perpetually refuse, and have never ending vaults of excuses as to why not,.. they can’t be helped. You’ll take their hand and lead them forever; they’ll never start walking on their own. If you let go, they sit down and continue lamenting exactly the way you found them.  At a certain point, I can’t lag behind to baby them anymore. As a former negative Nancy and victim mentalist myself, I know that the only person who can fix them is themselves. I think there is no harder task than making a negative person realize they’re negative. You can’t tell them; they have to realize it themselves. Some do... I used to think everyone naturally would; I had my aha-moment at age 15 and I’ve consciously worked to veer my mind towards strength ever since - even though it’s a slow recovery. But I’ve come to realize that not everyone wakes up. Some people carry their victim mentality to the grave. And I don’t have unconditional patience for it anymore. I’ve got years and years in me, but not forever. This is a topic I burn deeply for in real life. I’m only scratching the surface here, as it somewhat relates to your question.  Now, with that longwinded preface, I want to make very sure that I’m not getting misunderstood here: I do *NOT* think Armin qualifies as a perpetual victim mentalist. What i’m saying is that he starts out with major self esteem issues, that hold him back and makes certain tasks that others just DO, hard for him to push himself into doing. Certain actions require a whole lot more of mental preparation and pushing for him to do, whereas others just jump right into it. This is why I say I understand why some people find him whiny; in the end we all have to do it, it’s either do or don’t, regardless of ability. You might make it, you might not, but nothing progresses until you *TRY*. Knowing that, depending on your patience, you’ll be annoyed with a character for not having done it yet after X amount of time. In action, where so many others just do, I understand that some don’t sit down with a whole lot of understanding and patience. They just want the action already. Characters, depending on their flaws, will meet the issue that takes time to surpass, at different stages. Some have self esteem issues and have trouble starting. Some lack skill and struggle to do it well. Others, again, struggle holding back, and may act prematurely. Etc.  I used to love the characters that face the struggle at the very beginning; the inner struggles of not feeling good enough in some way. And I used to be a lot more patient. But my patience has shortened, now that I know how self-sabotaging it is to play the victim card. At a certain point, I want them to break through that barrier they’ve put up to restrict themselves. If they don’t,... even though I understand them... I might not favor them anymore.  I still have a very strong affinity for them, though, and I think in most fiction, a character that doesn’t grow through a story, is just badly written... so in most cases, I think I’ll love this type the most anyways. But there is a limit, and depending on how interesting the other characters surrounding them are, I might favor some of them instead. I know this true for Crona. Or I think so, at least... this character from Soul Eater is one I’m sure I would have less patience for these days, had I not fallen in love with them already. Not that I wouldn’t love them and feel bad for them. But at some point, I’d be more exasperated with how they aren’t ablate evolve...  But Armin...? He’s the strongest boy I know. He has these struggles in heaps, but he always keeps pushing. He leveled up early, after realizing his friends might not view him as weak after all, and it did such a huge difference, even though he’s still not “healed” of his struggles. I understand that some people thought he whined too much, because they had no patience for any amount at all. But I still don’t agree with them. And I see that when they have no patience actually analyzing him and keeping their attention on him, it’s easier to fall for his own words of being “useless”, although that is 100% not true!  Not everyone comes fully equipped with confidence to tackle things without some inner conflict. To be honest, I’m a bit weary of people who don’t have any patience with Armin. Sure, there is something called too much, but there is also something called too little. Too little empathy and patience for other people’s struggles. Just because something is easy to you, it might not be to someone else. And if you can’t understand that, or you find it irritating just because YOU don’t have issues with it, then... I don’t expect you to have patience with people who have bad days. Days where they struggle. Someone who expects you to always be on top and who’ll be annoyed and mocking if you need some time and help... yeah, those aren’t my kinds of people. That being said, I know the weight people put on fiction varies from person to person, so take that assumption with a grain of salt, haha. I do, too. They might have a million times more love for real life strugglers, just not when it comes to wanting to be entertained. Just like for me, I think I still have the same amount of patience in real life as before. While characters need to evolve through x amount of pages, it takes a lot longer to grow in real life. Anyways, to cut the ramblings, I’ll say that while I’ve changed a bit, I’m still pretty much the same, and Armin is such a beautiful, complex, strong character, that I know he’d be my favorite even today. As a matter of fact, his introduction is hardcore. He’s not showing weakness and uselessness in the first scene; he’s standing up to bullies who are taller than him, bigger in number than him, stronger than him - and his line of those that hit proving they’ve lost, is just... fucking solid. As for the others... I don’t really know. I think I’d have the same faves, yes? Maybe I would be less observant of the backdrop characters like Moblit, Nick, Marlo, Colt (though I love him bc of the cracks ship me and my friend came up with, so I’d either love him or not care, in any situation, depending on whether that happened or not).  Thank you for the ask, and sorry for the titan wall of text reply, lol. So much ado about nothing, eh?  TL;DR: yes. lol

[imcynfinite]

her name is cyn.

This kid. Head always in the clouds. You couldn't keep her grounded. Only liked reality when it stimulated her imagination. Read a lot of books because she liked the trip. Did a lot of unhealthy things for attention. Always compared to her sisters and never getting affection just for herself, there had to be another way to get noticed. So she stole. Glasses from her classmate's desks during reading time on the carpet (sorry, Salita), Sour Power candy from lunchboxes after bake sales, mechanical pencils from the supply shop that she'd tuck into her uniform jumper, books from the library after she read them, pretending she returned them just so she could have their worlds to escape to at home whenever she needed to. She lied a lot, too. A pathological liar. That's what her mother called her when she was caught in the act. She was ALWAYS caught in the act, but couldn't stop doing it. Lying felt good. Even as the lie formed words that she knew wouldn't be convincing enough, she could. Not. Stop. It was here that she first learned she could tell stories, but didn't see her power yet. She used them ill. When she couldn’t drift off, she grew resentful. Loved alone time. Sought after it to escape. Sure, she'd play dolls with her little sister, or watch Saturday morning cartoons and Toonami after school with her older sister. She allowed herself to be herself with her siblings, but only until she was compared to them or didn't have control over the situation. She was never good enough. She couldn't be the pageant queen with stardom in her future like her little sister, and couldn't be the first born who did everything right like her older sister. She didn't understand the pressures they faced holding such titles, but at that age, how could she? At that age, it stung. What could she do right? What title could she hold? She loved her sisters, but couldn't be them. So deep down, she grew resentful. Acted really mean towards them, in ways she couldn't help. Much much later on, she'd spend a day trying to understand why she grew cold with them so many times during her teens and young adulthood, and the resentment will click. It'll all make sense to her, the healing to not blame her sisters for their parents' comparisons will begin, and a newfound friendship and appreciation will bloom. But here? How could she have known? She loved food. Don't know when it started, but once it did, it took off. She ate a lot, because food made her happy. When she was sad and resentful, food was forgiving. Soothing. It didn't judge her in the slightest. She'd ask for more at dinner. Get the extra scoop of ice cream for dessert. Asked the kids during lunch if they were gonna finish that. Sometimes was so hungry, she'd sneak and take a bite or two of her lunch before the bell. She started gaining weight. That cute face growing round, belly poking. But she was fine. A beautiful, chubby kid. The first time she learned something was wrong with her body, though, was seven years old. Frustrated they couldn't find a communion dress that fit, her mother told her it was her fault. "You have to do something about this." A few years later, her father, out of deep frustration and desperate to bring her to shame to incite some motivation, called her an elephant. Her mother tried to take food away from her, but that just made her want it even more. How could something that made her feel good be so bad? The one thing that validated her existence was the enemy? No. Her mother tried, and tried, and tried. But little did she know, it just made the girl cling to it harder. Seek its affection. Crave its nurturing. She had no idea she was growing an addiction. This kid had charm. You see that smile? The softness in her eyes. The brightness in her spirit. She did things her way, because she projected the world as what she saw in her head. People were charmed by it, and she had no idea. Co-workers of her mother took a liking to her every time she came to the parties. One in particular always gifted her with Nancy Drew books, every birthday. Just because. She thought this kid was beautiful and joyous and couldn't help checking in on her or asking her mother how she was. Asking if she finished reading her book, and considering expanding her gifts to include The Hardy Boys. ...People watched this girl. Liked her spunk. Liked the mystery of not knowing what exactly she was, but feeling good being in her presence. This kid had charm, and she had no idea. How could she? If she wasn't being compared to, she was told no one would like her looking like she did, round belly and all. That having bad grades meant you were lazy and stupid, and not that you possibly had issues concentrating. Teachers complained about her staring out of the windows for too long and not doing her homework. Kids bullied her for not being pretty or not liking what they liked. That she kept to herself and was a "trouble maker". No one liked the kids who upset the teachers. Sisters that loved her but couldn't stick up for her. They didn't understand. She didn't have anyone to tell her she was just fine the way she was. Magnificent, even. She grew tired of the loneliness. Her imagination was fun, sure. But reality got realer, and she needed a way to deal. She just had to. So, she transformed. Right into high school, she became a vibrant spirit who cracked jokes to make people laugh. Rebelled against her parents and pretended not getting good grades and being fat was something she wasn't ashamed of. Joined drama club and performed on stages. Cut off her permed hair and rocked a fro. Writing like crazy and showing anyone who cared; growing a fan base in school and online. She didn't know it then, but it was here she was learning her voice had volume, and people wanted her to blast it. She became someone she'd write about in her stories. Even though it was all an act, her best starring role to date, it was enough to help her get by. To survive. It silenced the self-hatred that was beginning to build due to neglect of interrogation, but as time went on and new masks took form, she realized pretending meant neglecting that inner child who just wanted to be herself and liked for it. Who didn't want to be compared. Who didn't want to be frowned upon for not being pretty. Who didn't want to be told they were too much, or too little. Who just wanted to SHOW UP, without pushback. At 29 years old, I've realized how much of myself I've created just to be seen. Over the last five years, something has called on me to undo those masks and to begin living in my truth. As a storyteller who wants to hold up the mirror, I was chosen to perform, and I was then tasked to learn how to leave the costume backstage. Not to make a home out of it. For friends, for lovers, for parents, for society, I have done so much dancing to survive, but that isn't LIVING. That isn't love. It's not care, it's not protection, it's not kindness. For a majority of my childhood, I spent it daydreaming. Wishing reality could look like my wildest dreams. And here I am, facing what truth looks like and realizing that I can bend it. I can find a way to merge my dreams and my reality without disappointing my inner child who'd rather get lost in the clouds and pretend she's riding them. That kid doesn't know how amazing she is. I don't remember everything, but for the things I do, sometimes I'm charmed by her, too. I look in the mirror and don't always recognize that kid, but sometimes when I look off into the distance and my lover asks, "Hey. Where did you go?" or my mother looks at me and just smiles because I'm radiating light she can't deny, I remember. When I write my tweets and people respond with, "You should write a book. The way you write, I'd read anything you make," I remember. When I decide to meditate and my imagination brings me back to a dream I had a while ago, I remember. When I look in the mirror and look past the make-up and the experiences I've lived, I see her. She's so precious, man. She's a kook, lol. She's rambunctious and impulsive and loud and expressive and quiet and dreamy and fluid and hard. She's a whole ass universe. I wish she knew her impact. God, I wish she knew. I do my best to tell her... well, I'm learning to. When she wants to throw a tantrum, I'm learning how to parent her the way she needed. I'm trying to work with her. When she wants me to perform for people to get the attention she wants, I try not to fight her but get her to understand we can't do that anymore. That maybe we don't NEED to do that anymore. That maybe it's time we just be who we wanna be. She doesn't know what that means. I try to explain that it's like her daydreams, except real. She's not convinced. "Dreams are better." She walks away to her corner to embark on a mental journey. It's a constant battle with her. She wins a lot of the time. She's stubborn like that. But every now and again, when something in reality works just like or better than we could have imagined, there's a glimmer in her eye. Hope, I think.

As I learn to navigate adulting, I run into fear, and run away from responsibility. But 2019 taught me that it's high time I stop running, because the freedom I'm meant to have is so rich and the brilliance I harbor is so abundant, they're meant to marry. The mirror I want my stories to reflect to the world require I go through this transformation, and feel it ALL. I've stayed in places I didn't belong, loved people who weren't as good to me as they could, hid from opportunities that could give me wings, all because of who I thought I was. All of the voices from people I loved who, when I think about it now, were simply afraid for me and themselves and just didn't know how to say that. Despite knowing the masks I've put in place to survive and understanding that in 2020, I'm being asked to leave them behind, the fear of shedding skin is real. Because that means people I wanted to stay forever have to go. The stories I repeat to myself have to end. Discernment to trust I will always do my best to give myself what I need must be sharpened. Love, the way I want to experience it, must be given room to walk into and I have to set the example. 2019, my goodness. What an acid trip. A chapter I hated to write, and probably should have embraced more of. It dragged me because I had given up on myself during a period where curiosity could have governed me further. I remember being a kid who loved to be curious. Now, I hide away in fear. Where is that girl? I'm determined to meet her again. Talk to her. Conjure up a master plan. I cannot play small, and the universe has stopped begging. It's sitting back now, watching what I'll do now that it's not up my ass. I turn 30 years old this year, and there's something personal to that. A resonance very warm. Will I meet the beauty of that turning point of my life with arms wide open? Will I grab the opportunity to take that kid's hand and show her something different? Can I stand by her?... This kid's name is Cynthia. She's one of the coolest kids I know. And if no one else can, then I will. I'll stand by her. I'll stand by me.

#blog #journal #black queer writer #writer of color

[tehnardier]

In A Crowd Of Thousands (Part VI) —  Steve Harrington

Series: In A Crowd Of Thousands (other parts here)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader, side Billy Hargrove x Reader

Words: 1586

Summary: The aftermath of the party.

Warnings: none bUT IT’S //REALLY// ANGSTY

A/N:  !! PLEASE READ THIS !! I’ve got so much to say aahhh! first of all, i’m sorry for taking so long to update. I really didn’t know how I wanted this story to go and took a while to figure it out.. also, this is again really angsty but i promise you we’ll eventually get to the fluff?? lol, i swear there will be fluff on the future, don’t get mad at me just yet!! and last but certainly not least, your feedback is so important and it really gets me to write faster (+ would really appreciate some ideas if you have any), so if could drop by my page and write me what you think i’d be veryyyy happy!! enjoy :) tags are below the cut (if you wanna be tagged just ask!)

Steve didn’t hear nor see Y/N for the rest of the weekend, not that he was really sure he wanted to see her after everything that happened on Saturday. He thought he had experienced heartbreak when Nancy broke up with him, but comparing that to what he felt now was like comparing light rain to a tsunami. His whole body felt numb except his heart and brain, both aching badly and constantly reminding him Y/N’s exact words. It doesn’t matter if there is something or not, we’re best friends and nothing more. You have to get yourself out there and stop following me around every damn second.

His parents thankfully didn’t question him when he gruesomely made his way out of his room on early Sunday morning with puffy red eyes and damp shirt sleeves, having stayed awake since he got home from the party. His dad looked at him up and own, and went back to whatever he was doing before, groaning and murmuring something under his breath about how useless his son was. His mom, on the other hand, looked at him in pity, hugged him and made sure he ate before ushering him into the shower, for once not reprimanding him for smelling like cheap alcohol and cigarettes. Steve couldn’t help but think that, if Y/N was there, she’d know how his father’s treatment affects him and would know exactly what to do to make him feel better.

Steve spent the rest of the day trying to make sense of what had happened and why it had happened. Deep down, he knew since the beginning that he would fuck it all up, that his feelings would’ve been to obvious for Y/N to ignore any longer. But never in a million years would’ve Steve guessed that they wouldn’t be one sided, that Y/N somehow felt the same way. Or, did she? Steve was so certain for a moment that she did feel something, and the hope that filled his heart was almost comical now. One second she was looking at him with something in her eyes that Steve knew wasn’t platonic, then she was making it seem like he was a burden on her life, then she was hugging him and asking him not to hate her. To say Steve was confused was an understatement.

After hours of moping around, Steve came to the conclusion that Y/N probably didn’t feel the same way and, even if she did, it wasn’t nearly as strong as how he felt for her. He also accepted that maybe, after he stopped hanging out with the wrong kind of people, he latched way too strongly at her side and that could’ve made her feel suffocated by him. And last but not least, Steve knew that their relationship would never be the same, but even if it changed for the worst, he was not about to give up on Y/N and their friendship. He’d endure awkward and restrained encounters if it meant he’d still be able to be apart of Y/N’s life. She seemed to think otherwise, though.

For starters, Y/N wasn’t waiting for Steve at his locker on Monday morning as she normally would. Steve decided to brush it off as her waking up late and not having the time to go look for him. He felt pathetic for still trying to pretend that nothing had changed, but that was the only way he would be able to get through the day without breaking down. At the end of the day, the only thing Steve had gotten from Y/N was a friendly wave from across the hall and a small smile when she sat next to him in class, and he could no longer ignore the inevitable. 

“Please, let me talk to you.” Steve said immediately after the last bell rang when he managed to ambush Y/N by her locker.

Y/N flinched in response, but then composed herself and turned her head to him. “Go ahead.”

Steve, thinking he’d at least have to plead a little longer for her to actually be willing to talk to him, looked at her with wide eyes and started opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of the sea, searching his mind for the right words.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Steve started out slowly, testing the words on his tongue. “The last thing I want is for you to think you have to ignore me.”

That set Y/N into panic mode. That wasn’t right. Steve was not supposed to be asking for her forgiveness, he didn’t do anything wrong. She was the one who that basically ripped his heart out of his chest, stomped on it and put it back on. And he was apologizing. Come to think of it, Y/N should’ve known something like that would happen. Steve was the sweetest guy she knew and he had never been able to stay mad at her for long. That was a quality she appreciated on her best friend: his niceness and ability to forgive others. But, now, she wished he was the asshole that half the school seemed to think this King Steve was and that he’d just treat her like the selfish person she was. Maybe that would make the butterflies on her stomach stop. Steve mistook her silence as her being angry at him, and not at herself.

“What can I do for you to forgive me, Y/N?” He asked desperately, playing with the hem of his shirt in a nervous manner. “I just… I can’t lose you. That may be selfish of me but I just can’t.”

“No.” Y/N whispered. “You’re not selfish, Steve. You’re anything but that.”

Steve looked puzzled at her. “I took advantage of you that night. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“I wanted to—“ Y/N shook her head and stopped herself before she could say anything that would make their friendship even more restrained. “I mean, you didn’t take advantage of me. I kissed you back, remember?”

Y/N mentally slapped herself. Why did she just admit she kissed him back? So much for not saying anything that would restrain their friendship. “It was all an act, don’t worry. I’m sorry for everything I told you that night.” She added quickly.

“Then why are you ignoring me?” Steve asked, his voice breaking at the last few words.

“Because, Steve…” she stopped. She didn’t know exactly why. Or maybe she did, but the reason for it was far from the platonic zone she was very much comfortable staying at, so there was no way she’d be able to explain it to Steve. “A lot was said that night. And I need some time. It’s not your fault, it’s just that I need to take it all in before I can hang around you again.”

“Oh.” was all Steve said. Y/N couldn’t bring herself to look at him, instead choosing to finally open her locker and put away her stuff.

“But you knowing that I have romantic feelings for you doesn’t change anything, ok?” He said, his voice a little quieter than before but with the same tone of determination. “You can still treat me like you always did. It doesn’t have to change anything.”

Y/N couldn’t help but groan. Steve couldn’t just say things like that and expect her not to tackle him on the ground and kiss him right there in the crowded hallway. Couldn’t he just be an asshole? Why did he have to be so sweet all the damn time? Y/N always ended up hurting him that way, just like she was going to right at that moment.

She closed her locker after putting her books away and turned her whole body towards him, wanting to at least give him her full attention.

“Steve, I…” she started carefully, forcing herself to maintain eye contact with Steve. “Billy asked me out today and I said yes.”

Steve’s face fell. He felt his heart clench on his chest and tears on the brim of his eyes. “W-What?”

“I’m sorry.” Y/N breathed out, fighting every cell on her body to not hug the boy right there and never let go. “It changes everything, Steve. It does. And I don’t wanna lose you, either, but I don’t know how we’ll go on being best friends like before if one of us will react like that every time the other has a date.”

Steve sniffed and ran his palm over his eyes. “You’d react like this too if it was the other way around and I had a date?” he asked weakly.

Y/N only looked down in response. It was not like she didn’t know Steve had at least an idea of her feelings for him, it was just that saying it out loud felt too real and it hurt too much.

“I have to go.” she heard Steve say after waiting a while and not getting anything from her. Even if she was not looking at him, she knew he was hurt and could picture exactly how his face was at that moment, having seen it multiple times throughout their years of friendship. She hated it more than anything.

By the time she got herself to look up, all she could see was his back as Steve pushed his way through the mass of teenagers quickly. As Y/N lost sight of him, she wondered if not telling Steve how she felt was really going to protect their friendship or if she would lose that anyway.

@vanitysfairr @astridthevalkyrie @strngervibes @wills-strange @givemesmutorgivemedeath @nancbyers @stevesharrlngtons @harringtonwife @moonlight53 @rockergirl581 @lovely-los-v-er @inspiredbynewt @glenn-the-cinnamon-roll-rhee @laauurreennn @veesims @g-lossiers @-episkey- @californiaadreamz @kaliforniacoastalteens @tmalchow @musicandbeat @kinghairington @lilo-1398 @alexahood21 @stevieboyharrington @roozfictions @fandomsfavorite @the-sassy-slytherin92 @lilacs-lavender @dancethroughthethunder @steveharrigntons

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagines #stranger things x you #iacot series #my-writing

[edsmysterygirl]

92 TRUTHS - tagging @justaboywithaonemanshow @givemeedplzfanks @edandanniina

THE LAST…

1) Drink: Forest fruit squash. 2) Phone call: My mom. 3) Text message: A friend from uni. She asked me to proof-read her thesis. 4) Song you listened to: I’m A Mess. I’m rewatching Glastonbury. 5) Time you cried: Friday, when I had my mental breakdown. Good news though, I get until the end of August to finish my thesis!

HAVE YOU EVER…

6) Dated someone twice: Nope. My current boyfriend is my first boyfriend ever. 7) Been cheated on: No. 8) Kissed someone and regretted it: No. 9) Lost someone special: I mean, a lot of family members and family friends. But is it bad if I say the worst ‘someone’ that I lost was my previous dog…? I never knew two of my grandparents and I lost one when I was 3 and the last one when I was 7. I feel like I never got to form a bond with them. And I wasn’t very close with the other people that I lost. 10) Been depressed: Never had the official diagnosis, but came close to it. People have been wanting to put me on antidepressants probably since I was 16 – but I have always refused. Let’s just say I have a lot of problems and have been in therapy on and off for 13 years now. It’s a long story. 11) Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, I don’t drink. 😊

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS…

12) Blue. 13) Yellow. 14) Red.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15) Made new friends: In RL, not really. On Tumblr? Hell yes! 16) Fallen out of love: No. 17) Laughed until you cried: Yes. My boyfriend will sometimes make me laugh till a point where I basically can’t stop laughing and start crying. Fun times. 18) Found out someone was talking about you: Like, behind my back? Probably. 19) Met someone who changed you: Does discovering Ed count? 20) Found out who your true friends are: Yes. I’ve basically isolated myself socially in the past few years. The people that still check on my even though I don’t check on them (I know, I should…), those are my true friends. 21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well, I’m friends with my boyfriend, so yes.

OTHER…

22) How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life?: I don’t see everyone regularly, but I met all of them at least once in RL before I added them. 23) Do you have any pets?: A dog and a cat. 😊 24) Do you want to change your name?: My last name, sometimes. No one ever gets it right. I guess marriage may fix that one day though, lol. 25) What did you do for your last birthday?: Make a Tumblr, LOL. 26) What time do you wake up?: Sometimes I wake up at 7:15 AM, sometimes I wake up at 4:00 PM… My sleep schedule has been all over the place lately. It’s messed up. If I had nothing to do I would probably sleep from 2 AM until 12 PM. 27) What were you doing at midnight last night?: Watching a Supernatural episode with my boyfriend (over Skype, because LDR). 28) Name something you cannot wait for: The day that this freaking thesis is finished!! 29) When was the last time you saw your mother?: Monday morning when I left for uni. I’ll see her again tomorrow when I go back home for the weekend. 30) What is one thing you wish you could change about your life?: My mental health? 31) What are you listening to right now?: Nancy Mulligan (still watching Glastonbury). 32) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: No actually? I know a Tim. And a billion Thomases. But no Tom. 33) Something that is getting on your nerves: My thesis. 34) Most visited website?: Facebook? Though maybe now Tumblr… 35) Elementary: Not that great. I got bullied a lot. Didn’t have many friends. Other than that alright, I guess? 36) High School: Okay. Bullying turned into ignoring me. Still didn’t have many friends. But these were the years that I discovered my love for languages and strangely enough I really enjoyed high school. 37) University: Still enrolled at the moment. Hoping to finish my Master’s degree in translation this year. 38) Hair color: Brunette. 39) Long or short hair?: Very long. 40) Do you have a crush on someone?: My boyfriend. And Ed, of course. 41) What do you like about yourself?: That’s a difficult question that I can’t really answer at the moment… 42) Piercings?: None, not even earrings. 43) Blood type?: No clue… Probably should find that out at some point. 44) Nickname?: MG on here. 😂 I don’t really have a nickname in RL. My mom calls me Josephine sometimes, which has nothing to do with my name. 45) Relationship status?: I have a boyfriend. 46) Zodiac sign?: Gemini. 47) Pronouns: She/her. 48) Favorite TV show: I used to watch SO MANY TV shows. Back when I was in high school I would watch 12 at the same time (like, as the episodes came out). For the past 2, 3 (?) years I have sort of stopped myself from watching TV shows. Because I get obsessed with things. Like with Ed right now lol. I will still occasionally watch an episode (like last night), but I’m really behind on everything. My enthusiasm for TV shows is probably what led to me studying English in the end. And Supernatural was the common interest that matched my boyfriend and I. 😊  49) Tattoos: None. 50) Right or left hand?: Right hand, though I can write with my left hand if I have to. But I don’t consider myself ambidextrous.

FIRST…

51) Surgery: Does a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) count? Probably not. Felt like one though. I have a medical phobia and about a year ago they suspected meningitis, so I had to have one. One of the most traumatic experiences I have had. They had to sedate me because I was so panicked. The whole hospital must’ve heard me scream and I pushed a doctor away (not on purpose, but if I’m yelling “STAY AWAY FROM ME” in your face and you approach me with a weird object that looked like something they were going to do the puncture with, well…) So they ended up sedating me and luckily I don’t remember a thing from the procedure itself. But they must have hit something, because my legs were numb and I couldn’t feel whether my bladder was full or not for like a week after. I’d just go to the toilet at times where I would usually go because I just didn’t feel anything. Plus I couldn’t stand up for longer than 10 minutes or my legs would collapse. Luckily all that went back to normal, though I still get this weird back pain from time to time that I associate with that. I don’t know how I will ever survive a proper surgery… 😭 I just can’t handle pain. 52) Piercing: Still don’t have one. 53) Sport: I don’t know which one came first, horse-riding or table tennis. Started both when I was 11. I stopped playing table tennis when I was 20, I stopped riding horses when I was 16. I don’t miss any of my hobbies that I’ve given up, except for horse-riding. 54) Vacation: We used to have a caravan/travel trailer when I was little. We’d go to the same camp site every year where we had our own spot with a shed and stuff. We’d go there in the weekends and during the summer. Later we bought a mobile home at a different camp site, but that camp site closed down when I was 20. Now going to see my boyfriend (and him coming over to see me) just counts as vacation for me. But that will change once I finish uni, I guess. 55) Pair of trainers: No clue? WHY IS 56 MISSING 57) Eating: Of the day? Ice lolly… 58) Drinking: Water. 59) I’m about to: Make dinner, mac & cheese. 60) Listening to: YNMIDNY. 61) Waiting for: My motivation to kick in. 62) Want: To sleep. All day, every day. 63) Get married: I’m not married yet. 64) Career: Don’t really have a career yet… I have a student job at a holiday resort with villas. And before that I worked as a cashier in a supermarket. I’d like to become a subtitler eventually.

YOUR TYPE…

65) Hugs or kisses?: I could live without kisses, but not without hugs. Not that I want to live without kisses... But if I had to choose, I mean. 66) Lips or eyes?: Eyes. 67) Shorter or taller?: If you would have asked me this a couple of years ago, I’d say taller. But my boyfriend is shorter than me. That’s what you get when you date an Englishman as a Dutchie. 😊 68) Older or younger?: Older. 69) Nice arms or nice stomach?: Arms. 70) Sensitive or loud?: Sensitive. 71) Hook up or relationship?: Relationship. I don’t think I could ever just hook-up with someone. Maybe Ed, lol. 72) Troublemaker or hesitant?: Out of those two, hesitant I guess?

HAVE YOU EVER…

74) Kissed a stranger?: No. 75) Drank hard liquor?: No. 76) Lost glasses, contact/lenses?: No. I’ve never lost my glasses, but I’ve sat on them before, lol. 77) Turned someone down?: Relationship-wise? No. In general? Probably. 78) Sex on first date?: No. 79) Broken someone’s heart?: No. 80) Had your heart broken?: No. 81) Been arrested?: No. 82) Cried when someone died?: Yes, obviously. 83) Fallen for a friend?: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84) Yourself?: No…t really. 85) Miracles?: No. 86) Love at first sight?: No. 87) Santa Claus?: No. Funnily enough most Dutch kids don’t believe in Santa Claus. They believe in Sinterklaas instead. He’s a saint (Saint Nicholas) who gives presents to kids (in the weeks leading up to and) on the 5th of December. Some parents decide to have their kids believe in both, but I think most Dutch kids grow up with the idea that Santa Claus (or the Christmas Man, as we call him) is simply fake. Not sure why little me never questioned the existence of Sinterklaas, though… 88) Kiss on the first date?: Since I met my boyfriend online and the first time I met him in RL was after months of Skyping and already sort of being in a relationship, yes? 89) Angels?: No. I don’t believe in a higher power, though sometimes I wish I did.

EVEN MORE…

90) Current best friend’s name: Merel. 91) Eye color: Hazel? 92) Favorite movie: All of the LotR movies?

#personal

[juniperhillpatient]

Thoughts on The Last Picture Show

*I’m glad we’ve established Geraldine/Jennifer as a villain and antagonist. Thank YOU for real 

*Jennifer’s story to Archie about being abused was one thousand percent a pile of lies. She’s shady as hell

*I hate Alice more every time she appears on screen for more than two seconds like no wonder Polly had a mental breakdown, I would have too with a mom like that 

*Anyway, where is Polly really? What’s the deal? Why isn’t Betty allowed to see her? 

*I guess we know why Betty has this whole “she thinks she’s Polly sometimes” thing going on. Her mom is psychotic and is giving her an identity crisis 

*Betty and Veronica are queens and I love seeing them work together to look out for Archie. Betty using the stuff she learned in Nancy Drew to be a rebel detective is just the perfect mix of adorable and badass 

*Um when are we going to get more of a focus on Jughead? He’s living in a theater and his dad is in a gang? I know Cole Sprouse is Daddy but keep in mind that in the context of the show he’s a sophomore in high school. Why aren’t more people in Riverdale such as adults including teachers concerned about/aware of this situation? 

*I haven’t been too happy with Kevin’s characterization so far but this episode was much better than any others so far imho

*Joaquin is interesting although I almost never end up liking ships that get together right away because I like a build up. The whole secretive, he’s in a gang and Kevin’s dad is the sheriff thing is pretty hot though tbh. Plus like...a love triangle with Kevin/Joaquin and Kevin/Moose??? (If Moose ever comes back? lol) That would be amazing. I love love triangles so much idc how cliche they are, fight me. Also we pretty much never get same-sex love triangles so that would be cool to see 

*I loved Kevin’s scene with his dad. More supportive parents for gay kids on TV (and in life duh) 

*Veronica and Kevin’s friendship is so cute. Platonic cuddling at the drive in? Sign me up. 

*Cheryl can step on me and I love her, she’s a bad bitch, but also...Sometimes I kind of hate her. A lot 

*Kevin’s face when Veronica sat down at the drive in with them had me weak af

*Sometimes I just think wow, Fred is a great dad, and other times I’m...not so sure. Yes, he told Archie none of this was his fault but he also didn’t stand up for Archie as much as he could have when they were all arguing and yelling in the music room. I’m not sure what he could’ve done though so maybe I’m being too critical 

*Again, the Fred and Archie hug scene was so touching. Why aren’t we talking about this more? 

*Archie breaking down broke my heart. That scene hit close to home as I’ve been in a situation that was sort of similar to his in the past. Without going into detail on that, let’s just say I think KJ Appa is phenomenal and he really nails the delivery on all the emotions Archie is going through. It was just a great scene like all of his scenes are. 

*Betty is the best friend in the world and Archie is so lucky to have her. 

*Honestly Archie and Betty are just lucky to have each other and I’m so proud of both of them for standing up for their friendship

*I love every scene at Pops. To be honest I’d probably be happy with an entire show set at Pops. 

*Veronica saying "girl" is the cutest thing. I don't even know why it just melts me. 

*I like that we're seeing this sort of rich bitch side of Hermione. The family is one thousand percent like that in the comics and I'm fine with seeing a nicer side of Veronica on the show (in fact I love this version of her!) but I like the sort of callback if you will to who these characters originated as and what part of them is still sort of like. Maybe that makes no sense 

*Can we not have Fred and Hermione date. IDK it just really bothers me 

*Again, my main takeaway from Alice is that she can choke 

*I'm intrigued by the mayor being corrupt, but at the same time isn't that a little cliche? A small town mayor is corrupt? Really? Plus it makes me sad because it takes away the value of that scene where Josie was talking about how hard her mom worked to get to that point 

*The whole Southside Whatever gang thing is a little bit corny, am I right? 

*Veronica yelling at a gang and people clapping is my new aesthetic though 

*Overall this was my favorite episode so far. This show has been really good and I've been loving it, but this episode just really did such a great job characterizing everyone, and it was also a really interesting plot. The scenes in the movie theater and in Pops when they were just being friends were my favorites. 

#riverdale #archie andrews #betty cooper #veronica lodge #kevin keller #jughead jones #the last picture show #review #my thoughts #my post #rose watches riverdale late

[sumergosuigeneris]

January 14, 2019, Part II

Why is ‘brain music’ or ‘focus music’ or ‘meditation music’ always electronic shit? Did we not have any of those types of music before electricity was invented? Or discovered, I suppose. What were we listening to?

So far today has not be great, but it hasn’t been as terrible as it could have been. I did get in trouble, but not for something that was actually my fault. It could have been *prevented* if I hadn’t been home sick, or had worked from home, but I didn’t do it. This douche I coordinate a couple meetings with. He’s always frustrated at my boss’ lack of availability. So lately, okay a few times, he’s been picking dates/times that work for other people and asking me to move the boss’ schedule around. Given that I know what a pain in the ass it is to schedule these meetings, I do my best. But I can’t always. Anyway, so what he’s been doing is sending out meeting invites before he hears from me that I can/can’t move things. Twice now, my boss has gotten involved, emailing his boss. Not in a tattle tail kind of way, until this time. He got fed up I think, because it keeps looking like we’re not taking his calendar into account when scheduling, and he’s not sure if it’s me or the other guy or both. Now, this time it was a date I’d said the boss couldn’t do. He’d emailed me and someone else, asking if we could move. But then he sent out the calendar invite before he’d heard from me. And it was a date the boss is traveling. So I look like an asshole, not paying attention to his travel. And because I didn’t take care of a few things last week for this week, and I leave things on his calendar until they’re dealt with (cancelled or moved), it looked like ‘things are slipping through the cracks’.

I hadn’t said anything before, but today I sent the guy an email. Said I got in trouble. Said I prioritize his requests. Said I give him everything I can, and/or try to move things for him. Reiterated that my boss is just that busy. And asked him to quit fucking me over. I mean, this stuff happens for meetings that are weeks, if not months out. You really can’t wait?

Chatted with the work friend who has cancer. It’s funny. She’s not the first person, by a long shot, I’ve dealt with. But for some reason, I’m going out of my way to double-check I’m being properly supportive. Not sure if I’ve done that in the past, but then forgot, or what. Not sure if maybe it’s because she’s one of the only ‘friends’ I have?

Checked my bank account balance. Whew am I glad I didn’t check last night! Because a bill came in today that made me overdrawn. It’ll take at least 2 business days to transfer funds. Fucking banks. They take money from you immediately, but give it back so fucking reluctantly. Even coops. I remember when credit unions used to actually serve their member owners. No more.

Grateful I was able to wash AND dry yesterday. But I gotta use a cc to get gas. Ugh. I tell you one positive thing about quitting grad school is having more money to put towards the debt.

Been nauseous all day too. It’s funny. I only willingly, firmly lie about two things. Feelings (how are you? fine) and illness. Not that I wasn’t ill, but I rarely tell anyone if it’s a mental health sick day. This one’s story is virus. Stomach virus if anyone presses. I justify my lying by saying that it shouldn’t matter what the illness is, if I have sick days left or vacation time, or take unpaid time. If it was F M LA, that would be different. Need doctor’s notes and shit. And I’ll be damned if I ever let another job be THAT affected/effected by my batshitness.

Left my earbuds and phone charger home today. That’s a severe bummer. Can’t listen to music as I walk from ww to archery. I’ll live lol.

I saw a thing on tmbr this am. Regarding putting down people who complain all the time. It was a bit of a trigger. Some people don’t have anything else going on except the things they complain about. Some people don’t have, I don’t know if it’s ‘outlets’ or ‘support networks’, but essentially I mean they don’t have people in their lives who are the normal sounding board for bad shit, so they say it to anyone and everyone. Some of us are just negative nancy’s but not everyone, and not all the time. It felt like mental illness shaming to be perfectly honest. Actually, it is one reason why I push people away. If I don’t have anything positive to say, or can’t just be in a positive frame of mind, I don’t want to put that on people. And I definitely try to stay away from preggos with that negative energy. Do not want to have fetus’ be around my negative energy when they’re working hard.

#me