#i wasn't gonna put in a readmore

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

Transcript of Shelby's Video:

CW: Abuse

:readmore:

Hello! I don't know if you can even hear it, I put on, like, light jazz in the background because it seemed awkward being quiet, but I don't think you can hear it, so I'm just gonna turn it off. Um, hello! Um, welcome! We are in emote only because I'm just gonna be talking today, and then I'm gonna go! I'm gonna go!

Um, yeah, it was very, very low. There's, there's no need. I just, it felt weird leaving you in silence, but I'm here, so — Hello! Um, I want to talk about something today that, um, very nervous. I feel sweaty. I had a sweater on, I had to take it off. Um, I'm gonna try and just, I wrote down pretty much everything I think that I want to say to keep track of, sort of all the points that I want to make sure I don't forget anything. So I will be reading from something, um, a good portion of the time, but not 100 percent of the time. Um, and I just wanted to make sure I got all of my thoughts down in words ahead of time. I'm, I really like writing down my thoughts. So I did that.

Um, oh, hold on. Can I turn ads off? I think that maybe we turn ads off today. How do I make that happen for just today? Um. Shoulda had that already. I shoulda had that already. I actually don't even know how to make that happen. You know what? That's just gonna have to be that way. I'm so sorry.

Um. I'm all good. Um, yeah, okay. Today's just gonna be talking. Uh, I'm just gonna start reading from what I wrote, and go from there.

I have a really big coffee, I'm gonna take a swig. And I have my water, and I'm gonna take a swig of that.

I have always liked telling my different experiences that I've had, um, in dating because it feels important to me to share what I've learned and maybe help other people to not make the same mistakes that I have before. I'm 30. I've dated a lot. I've gone on a lot of dates. I keep trying, um, and it's unfortunate that a lot of my dating history, uh, there were a lot of bad people that tried to manipulate or control me, um, but that's not to say that every person that I've dated has treated me poorly. Um, some people just weren't the right people.

Um, and speaking out about my bad experiences has never felt as important as it does right now because silence has always brought me peace. And this time it feels like my silence is not keeping my peace. It's only keeping somebody else's peace. Um, and I never thought that I could be the kind of person to end up in a situation like I did. I'd never thought that could happen to me.

And so for me, this is important because it could help anybody else see the signs sooner than I did. Um, or hopefully avoid a similar situation entirely. Because the, the truth is it was dangerous. Um, there were a lot of things wrong in this relationship that, um, I endured some pretty terrible treatment. Um, and I might touch on some things here and there about that. But, um, if I feel like it's important to the overall context. But what I want to stay focused on is this specific issue, um, and the things that happened matter-of-factly and the things that people saw and witnessed in our circle.

Um, it took me 10 months after to heal. And I spoke with multiple therapists and tried different forms of therapy. Um, I tried somatic therapy. That one was actually really good for me. Um, because that one actually helped me release a lot of, um, built up anger I was having over the last year. Um, but the anger that I was feeling was for myself because, um, I felt like I should have known better.

I felt so stupid at myself for, um, sort of just staying through all of this. Um, and I shared my story with a lot of friends after I started talking to therapists and I was like "So, this thing happened ... and I wasn't really sure ... It just seems weird now to me looking back," and all of them told me exactly what was happening in the words that I was too afraid to use.

Um, and I was being hurt in my last relationship. And it took me all of that time to see it through that lens. Um, I even posted an anonymous story to Reddit that I have now deleted with an anonymous account. But in posting that, I found a dozen other stories that were exactly like mine, exactly the same way. Um, and all of the comments said exactly the same thing.

Um, and I was so mad at myself because I was lying to, um, at a certain point to protect this person, because I knew that if I told my friends the truth, it'd make him look really bad. Um, I didn't think that I would cry and I practiced saying all of this and I didn't cry, but it's easier to practice it when no one is listening.

Um, but he always cared more about how it looked and that was really important, not what was true. Um, and it was really subtle. When I hear about, um, when I hear about physical abuse, I think of hitting. I think of hitting and punching, um, so I thought that this wasn't violent enough, um, to be abuse. Uh, I thought that it was just like a constant accident that he kept hurting me. Um, but he's not hitting me and it didn't start as something that he did to hurt me.

Uh, he had this habit of biting, which is so weird to me now, but he said that he had had this habit since he was a kid. And even his mom said that that was true. And he said it was just affectionate and that that might have been — I mean, I think that that might have been true, maybe, at the start, but I also feel that I have good reason to believe that every part of it was a lie, but that's just my personal opinion, um, and I had no problem with just biting, that isn't even the most uncommon thing, um, but he did mention something early that I should have taken as a red flag, um, and he wanted to make sure that I was okay with him biting me because he didn't want me to come back later and say that he abused me. Which I thought was really weird considering he had never hurt me before. And so why would I call it abuse? And why was he thinking about that? And I thought he was being sweet, checking on me to make sure that I was still comfortable. Um, but of course I was because he hadn't hurt me. And why would I think he ever would?

Um, and then he did, for the first time, by accident, uh, and I don't specifically remember the actual first time that he bit me too hard by accident, because I didn't think that it would be significant, um, I thought that it would only happen once, and he started biting me more and more over a period of time, sort of throughout the whole relationship, and accidents of him biting too hard and really hurting me happened more and more frequently, um, but he always seemed genuinely sorry, and he decided that he didn't want to keep accidentally hurting me, um, so we were gonna use a safe word, um, so he could learn where my limit was, where my pain tolerance ended.

Uh, and saying that out loud now doesn't sound — Like, that's not very sound logic. Um, but at the time, I thought he cared about not hurting me. But in reality, it's like, why are you biting so hard? And why do you have to bite so hard? And it shouldn't be that hard of a problem to stop. Um, that shouldn't be that hard.

And he disguised it as this really quirky part of our relationship and was so comfortable sharing it with his friends to the point that he would do it in front of them. He thought it was this really funny story to tell and a good bit to take my arm and bite me in front of everybody until I literally shout in pain. Um, and then I have to laugh it off because I'm so embarrassed and I don't want to cause a scene in front of all of our friends and I'm sure everyone was a little bit uncomfortable, but as long as I was saying that it was fine, nobody really felt like they needed to be concerned and that's not anybody's fault because I was lying. I was lying and it wasn't fine because I would go home later and I'd tell him how uncomfortable I was. How much I didn't like being hurt all the time and I needed him to really stop biting so hard. I didn't like it and I tried telling him over and over again because he wasn't actually trying at all to not hurt me, um, but he said he would try, at first, and then he started saying things like it was my pain tolerance that was too low, or I'm exaggerating how much it actually hurts. He's not even biting that hard. I'm, I'm being dramatic. Um, but his biting escalated to a point where I was covered in bruises all over my arms and they hurt and he would poke at them for fun. And he even felt so comfortable showing off my bruises that he had caused to our friends because he would bite me so hard by accident, "by accident." He would even joke that it looked like he abused me. Um, and eventually he did acknowledge how bad it looked that I was covered in bruises all the time. So he stopped, um, biting my arms as often. And he started biting my legs instead. Um, and it was in the last couple of months of the relationship that every time he bit me, it was until I needed to use this safe word. Um, it had become his benchmark for when to stop.

Only once I was definitely hurt, um, which meant I was being hurt every single day, um, multiple times a day, uh, for all of the days that we spent together in person. And when I asked him to stop again, this time he said, "This is who he is. He isn't going to change." Those were his words. And I remember a lot of, specifically his words about certain things, especially at the end.

Um, because I'm good at remembering words and especially his wording. I became really good at remembering because he was constantly contradicting himself. And I would notice, but most of the time it wasn't worth picking a fight over. And — But he would fight me on it sometimes 'cause I would po- I would point it out and, uh, he would insist that he had never said the thing that he said, he definitely did say. And then he would say something like, "How are you so sure you're remembering correctly? Why are you always right?" Um, and he definitely said the things that I heard him say and other people heard him say.

So, he had, now at this point, weaponized the safe word and was using it to ensure that I was hurt and on a constant basis. And he wasn't sorry anymore. Um, I couldn't even tell you the last time he had apologized for doing it anymore because now sometimes he would bite me and I would yell out the safe word because it hurts so bad and he'd clamp down even harder and, just for a second, just for good measure, before letting go and sometimes I'd say the safe word and he'd grind his teeth down on my skin and sometimes he'd smile after, um, like a gloating grin?

And during this time I was filled with so much anxiety all the time that I was constantly nauseous. Gagging daily, um, on occasion throwing up because of the pit that was in my stomach. I never told him about that though. I was going and running away quietly to throw up in the toilet and rejoin our group of friends.

Um, but I felt so unwanted and ignored. Um, and I would tell him that and then he would reassure me that he wanted to be together and he loved me. He loved me more than I loved him, even. He would always insist that that was true, like the, "I love you." "I love you more," but he was like, really serious about it.

Um, and looking back, I do believe that the way I was swept off my feet at the beginning of this relationship was 100 percent love bombing. Um, and we were friends for a time. Um, at least people would have thought that, actually, but I use the word friend very loosely because, um, we had actually never spoke to each other outside of group chats we were in together when, like a handful of times throughout the, the whole time that we knew each other, um, but did not talk to each other.

So I wouldn't have even called him my friend until he found out I was single, waited a few weeks to reach out, and then we started a friendship and then that friendship turned romantic and then he made these huge romantic gestures. He wrote me the most beautiful love letter that I had ever read. Um, he called me his soulmate. He talked about "forever" one month in. He told me he hadn't been in a relationship in five years. He thought he could never find love again before he met me. He said he wanted someone to grow with. He wanted to be a dad. He had all his names picked out and I didn't have a preference because I — My feeling of it is that the timing is right and with the right person, I could, um, but if that doesn't work out in time or the time, you know, I, I'm not super pressed about it. Um, but I started opening my mind up to the idea with him because it seemed so important to him. And I kept trying to talk to him to figure out where he was, later on, when I could tell things like, were declining.

And, um, now all of a sudden he's telling me he's not sure he wants kids at all. In fact, he has never been attached to the idea of kids. Um, and I told him that isn't what he said before, and he said he's allowed to change his mind. And I'm of the opinion that in a relationship, there are a few things that you are not actually allowed to change your mind without letting your partner know.

I think that kids is one of them. It wasn't even important to me. Um, and I think marriage is one of them, so I brought that up next. And I asked if he still wanted marriage. He said he wanted to marry me. And then he said, now, "I'm not the co-" quote, "I'm not the commitment guy. You know that."

I didn't know that.

Why are you dating me?

In fact, he was telling me the exact opposite every day. Uh, he would tell me he still wanted to be together. He wanted to work on all of the problems. He wanted to, like, he wanted me at the end of everything. He did not want to break up. He made that very clear. And uh, I have though, caught him in lies before, but usually it was small stuff and I, again, I didn't want to, it wasn't anything that ever seemed worth rocking the boat over, uh, which isn't normal for me.

I hate lies. Um, and yet I ended up lying for him. So, uh, but he had lied about big things and he had also been caught lying by his friends numerous times. So this is something that he feels is acceptable to do. And everything reached a breaking point when he was about to leave for an extended period of time.

We were not going to see each other very much, a few days out of every few months, um, and now suddenly he is dumping all of these problems that he has been having feelings about all of this time later. Um, at one point he said he's been feeling this way a couple of months. At another point, he says he's been feeling this way for six months, immediately contradicting him- contradicting himself in the same conversation.

And with no time to do anything about it. I arrived — the one of — Never mind. I'm gonna get to something later, but I literally arrived for three days for this conversation to happen and then leave. Um, my cat just woke up and she's not usually awake right now — Hi, my love. It's really close to her dinner time. I should have fed her early.

Um, so no time to fix any of the problems all the sudden because there are three days before he leaves and he insisted he did not want to break up. He, and so, he was expecting me to have a solution somehow, magically, and I gave a number of solutions that would have a way forward for us to be together, but he refused to make any compromise, um, whatsoever.

And he said that "the relationship was starting to feel like a responsibility," towards the end. Also his words. Um, so it wasn't a responsibility the whole rest of the time to him. And he was at this point, basically flaunting that he would never prioritize me over anything. Um — she's eating my laundry. Please don't cause problems. — Um, and I wasn't even asking for literally even the bare minimum. I was asking for so little and he — I was watching him give exactly what I was needing in the relationship all over the place to anybody else who, who just happened to ask and just wasn't me. So, um, and he also, he was never going to prioritize me over anything that would give him more fame or money.

In fact, he said that himself. He, uh, that was exactly why he was not going to compromise at all for a solution for us to be together. Because he said he wanted to see how much fame and money he could get. Um, and I just thought we wanted to be together. I thought that's what we both wanted, because that's what he was still saying he wanted to.

Um, but then he also admitted to me that he had grown resent- uh, he had grown to resent me. And I have to be thankful that he said that bit out loud. A lot of these bits he said out loud. Because that was the last push that I needed to get myself out.

He had grown resentful, which I also pointed out that there was no reason. Like, there was no reason to feel that way and he admitted that there was no reason for him to feel that way either. I think that it was because I'm someone who can communicate how I feel. Um, but, I don't know, I think, there, I have a lot of theories and reasons why I believe things happen the way that they did and why he was lying all of the time.

Um, but, he was "resentful" of me, was causing me physical harm every day, multiple times a day, despite me telling him over and over again to stop. He wasn't going to change, and he wasn't going to end the relationship. He was going to keep hurting me, and it was possibly going to escalate even further. So I broke up with him.

And I didn't even want to. Um, because I couldn't even see for such a long time after, um, what it really was that had happened. That he had abused me. And, in fact, we left things as, we want to be friends, and he can never imagine not speaking to me again. Um, and then he never spoke to me again. Uh, outside of like a couple of exchanges where I needed to ask for my clothes to be shipped, um, so at least I got my clothes back, uh, I had a whole closet full.

However, uh, he did throw away all of my other things, uh, without saying a word to me about it. Hundreds of dollars of things from my office were trashed without a word, and I didn't block him till ten months later because I wanted an open door still. I really thought I wanted to be his friend. Um, but, uh, I don't feel that way anymore.

I do believe he was bottling up so many emotions, uh, and he would never talk about how he felt. Um, I, I think he even, I mean, he did admit that he felt like he couldn't say it any sooner. Like, there was just no possible way to say how he was feeling sooner than the absolute last possible chance. Like, not even a chance, because three days before he left, that was actually a lie too, also.

He didn't leave for another week after I left. He, he brought me in, had this three day conversation, he was supposed to leave, and then he stayed for another week before he left, uh, with all of the friends that I was also meant to see, but he had lied to me about the dates too.

Um, but I do believe that there, uh, that he was bottling up so many emotions that he was taking it out on me physically. I believe there was a moment where he knew that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and instead of just ending it, he tried to push me away any way he knew would hurt me. And he knew all of the ways that would hurt me the most. And he knew he was hurting me. There was no way that he didn't know because of the safe word that he made.

Uh, and he just didn't care. He was hurting me and he didn't care. And even looked like he was enjoying it, sometimes. Um, and I can look back now and I can see all these instances that were really major red flags. Um, there was this one time that he pinned me down and asked me to try my absolute hardest to get him off of me.

And I couldn't do it, obviously. And he said something to make the point that he was so much stronger than me that I wouldn't be able to fight him back. Fight back against what? What do you mean? You don't say shit like that to people? That's insane. Um, and I was also sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend, and he knew that.

Um, he had stopped giving anything to the relationship, and he said that why was because he "was just waiting for things to change on their own." Um, he said he also "didn't have the time or energy anyway to do the things that I was asking for." Um, but then would constantly make any bit of time and energy for anybody and anything but me.

Uh, and he would say he wanted more quality time, so then I would try to arrange things for us to do online because we were, uh, long distance, but then he would complain that he doesn't want to spend all of his time on the computer anymore. Uh, and then we'd be there in person and all he wants to do is stay inside, play games on his computer, watch movies. He doesn't want to go out.

Um, and I'm not saying any of this next part to be mean, um, he lived in filth like I have never seen, and I've seen filth. This was the worst. Uh, he would spill things on the floor and never, literally never clean them up. Uh, he got an ant infestation once, um, and wasn't going to do anything about it because he said, he said "Bugs are normal in British houses," um, so I had to buy Antkiller. And he wouldn't clean his bathroom for months, and months, and months, but would constantly complain about how bad it smelled, and I would tell him, that's mould. It's mould. He complained about being tired all the time too, which I don't know if that was a lie or not, but mould will do that too.

But he would insist that it wasn't, somehow, without having cleaned in months. But it's not mould. Um, when I met him, he was washing his clothes without detergent. Um, just, he wasn't using that at all, and I don't know for how long before I met him. He was just running it with water and then hanging it on his filthy kitchen cabinets.

Um, and I felt bad. I felt bad because I felt like he needed someone to help him learn how to be cleaner. I thought he just didn't know how and I listened to all of the struggles of his upbringing and I was like, "He just doesn't know how. Someone just needs to show him." Um, and then I found out that he said he doesn't clean at all when I'm not there because he just waits for me to get there to do it.

Um, and I only found out about that after we broke up because he said it behind my back. Uh, I was doing all of the cleaning and laundry for him. Also, I had a separate bathroom. I want to make that clear. I wasn't using that bathroom. I had a separate bathroom that I cleaned for myself. I had cleaning supplies. I don't think he even actually knew I had cleaning supplies in there. Um, but I had my own bathroom.

Um, all the, all the cleaning, all the laundry. All of it. I was paying for. All of the, um, like paper towels, like soap, all of that only stayed in the house so long as I was buying it. Um, I would arrive and there would just not be toilet paper in the whole house. There were paper towels instead. And who knows for how long, too.

Um, I was paying for food more than half the time. Uh, because he would often push me into ordering food for us even if I had paid for the last meal, or the meal before that. Um, and I'm of the opinion now that I shouldn't have been paying for any food. Um, none at all, but I wanted to at least, I thought I was being equal by at least doing like a back and forth. Um, but, uh, I ended up paying for food more often than just going back and forth anyway. And he would do this to his friends all the time too. Um, but I was also paying for every plane ticket and the cat sitter, which cost roughly the amount of a plane ticket to England.

Um, and he never offered to help me pay after the couple of times he did come here to visit me because he paid for the flights that we would both take. Um, but that only happened twice at the very beginning. I have actually had a friend tell me that, that this is financial abuse, but I don't know enough about that to say for myself, but I was telling him that I couldn't afford it, uh, all by myself all the time because I was losing money. I was never able to work properly there and he wasn't traveling at all to see me anymore, even though he said he would. Uh, that was like the basis of our entire relationship starting off. Um, so then he agreed to pay for the cat sitter so that it would be basically paying half the cost of my travels. Um, and he did that once, and then never did it again, uh, despite many more months of dating.

Uh, and I was traveling often. Um, I had to. Because he was worried that we weren't spending enough quality time together. And then all of the time that he would have ever extra, he would choose, choose, to not spend it on me because there was an available choice and he chose not to spend it with me. Often.

Um, and I did everything short of just up and move there, which I was willing to do the whole time. And I told him that I was willing to do it and he knew, uh, but he insisted that I don't. He insisted not to. He was planning to move here. That was supposed to happen first.

Um, and then at the end of the relationship, he said, "Maybe things would have been different if I lived there." If I lived there. Uh, like I had said I would the whole time and he insisted I don't. Maybe that could have saved the relationship. Um, and I say all of this because I believe that people like this are genuinely dangerous. I believe he is dangerous.

Um, he was willing to lie. He was willing to do harm to someone he claimed to love more than anyone he has ever loved. Uh, his actions escalated, um, and I don't think that I'll be the last person that he hurts. Uh, and I felt like sharing my story was really important to warn people. Um, I want people to see the signs that I refused to.

I want you to listen to your body. Um, and get out as soon as possible. Tell your friends the truth and let them help you.

Um, I really thought I, I couldn't — Because I had been sexually assaulted in a previous relationship, I just thought I was so much smarter. To never — and I was like, "if someone ever laid their hands on me, I'd leave immediately. It would never happen a second time." But you, you just, it just kind of happened so slowly over time, and got worse, and worse, and worse, until the point where there's no way to deny the fact that he was hurting me and he knew, and, and didn't care.

That's just the kind of thing that I keep repeating to myself when I'm like, "But was it bad enough? What? It wasn't violent enough." Um, but I was being hurt multiple times every single day. Days, and days, and days, and days, for a month at a time in a row, uh, and I'm not even speaking on most, because I did touch on other things, but I am not even speaking on most of the other things that, in my opinion, I do think that there are some things that are across a line that make you a bad person.

I don't think that most people can be defined in a black and white, you're good or you're bad, but I do believe that there is a line that you can cross and only bad people will do the things on the other side of that line. You know what I mean? Um, and I watched a couple of things cross that line. And I just, I, I truly feel now that my soul is so healed.

Um, I am light years beyond him. Uh, this was the last thing that I felt like I needed to do — That's my cat. — Um, before I could move forward and hopefully never talk about him ever again. Outside of maybe my stories that I want to tell about other shitty things he did. Anonymously mixed in with the other stories I still have of shitty things that shitty exes did.

Because I think it's important for us to share our stories and our experiences. I think it's important for all of us to know that we deserve so much better than this. Um, and I think that if people don't want us to talk about the shitty things that they do, then they shouldn't do shitty things. Um, and this just felt so important to share.

I always wanted to share my experiences. I always will. Um, and that's kind of it. That's it. That's the end of everything I prepared. I reserve the right, uh, entirely to change my mind later and tell every story I want to, um, but for now that's all I really have, I feel like, from my soul, I want to speak on. Because I think that this can help other people.

I think that it can help other victims. Um, I have already talked to a number of — I only cry now when I'm talking about my friends! Who also dealt with such shitty things from shitty people. Um, but I'm also so, so grateful for all of my friends who were through, uh, with me through this whole thing. And my friends who also were experiencing similar, similar sorts of situations, um, at the same time, and we kind of went through it together. So, um, I think they are the strongest people in the whole world, and they made me feel like the strongest people in the whole world today. Did I call myself people? I meant person. I feel like the strongest people — I did it again. — I feel like the strongest person. They made me feel so brave. I felt impenetrable today. Um, but I am gonna go now because my friends are coming over and we're immediately gonna go become distracted by watching Love Is Blind. I already watched all of it already and I don't care.

So thank you, um, for listening. Thank you everyone who gifted subs. Um, um, I am going to be taking, uh, the rest of the week off from streaming. I have a video going out on Saturday and I'll be back next week and, uh, you won't hear about any of this again for a while, probably. But, uh, thank you all. I don't really even know what to do now. I think I'm just going to end. Um, go spread love all over the place on Twitch right now and I'll see you guys later. Bye.

Wilbur's response:

In the past week a series of allegations have been made over my conduct from an ex-girlfriend. I want to emphasise that, although I feel it fair to offer my perspective, this person's feelings are completely valid. I have taken my time sharing this statement as I wanted to process and respond respectfully and with the hope to gain a deeper understanding for the situation.

During our relationship's final months, I regrettably became slobbish, disrespectful, and selfish. These actions caused a lot of pain to my ex-girlfriend and I've since sought therapy to address these behaviours, making significant lifestyle changes to rectify my past actions. I have come to realise how much my past behaviour hurt this person, but I truly, compassionately believe I have made great strides from the person I once was and hope I can continue to grow and improve on this trajectory.

The allegation of abuse, particularly in the form of biting, deeply shocked me. Throughout our relationship, I understood from our numerous conversations and text message exchanges on the subject, that this behaviour was consensual, playful and reciprocally enjoyed. I truly believe those personal message exchanges reflect mutual affection and understanding. Out of respect for her, I choose not to publish them and I emphasise my perspective is not shared to diminish or invalidate anyone's feelings. Instead I share it in the hope that I can offer a genuine, fair and relevant insight into my understanding of the situation. While I may perceive our interactions differently, I recognise that this person has processed and expressed feelings of hurt. I want to extend my sincerest apologies for any pain that I caused.

I am fully committed to understanding and addressing her concerns going forward. I hope my perspective sheds light on this situation without detracting from its message. I am dedicated to earning and maintaining the trust of those around me and hope I continue to be held to these high standards I wish to attain and maintain.

- Will

Shubble's response:

i could not have imagined what i would wake up to today. my ex pretending he thought i enjoyed being hurt... and all of my friends immediately coming to my defense. The support has brought me to tears, i don't even know what to say. i'll be back, i'll just be taking a little time

and for the record, i don't accept the apology

#shelby #shelby shubble #wilbur situation #Youtube

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for abandoning my party in the middle of a notoriously tough dungeon?

i (26m) was playing ffxiv and had just unlocked a new dungeon. all my friends were asleep and i was too excited to wait, so i decided to go against my social anxiety and run it with randos.

the scant handful times i'd run dungeons with randos before went great - earlier that day after another dungeon i'd even gotten player commendations from two of the players in a party i was healing for - so i was more or less confident this time would be fine as well.

boy oh boy was i wrong...

i got matched with three players we will simply call tank, healer, and dps (age and gender unknown for all three). i went in as a bard (all my other jobs were too underlevelled), filling the remaining dps role.

things went awry almost as soon as we set foot in that dungeon. i died in the first room to some enemies that aggro'd on me and ganged up on me. the rest of the party left the room pretty much immediately after all enemies were dead.

i politely asked to be resurrected, to which healer reluctantly complied. they told me to "just rez next time", which would've sent me to the beginning of the dungeon. in hindsight that would've prolly been fine since it was only the first room.

after i caught up to the others i once again got swarmed with monsters. this is gonna be a pattern if you couldn't tell. after i'd died to this pattern a couple times tank yelled at me for "constantly pulling everything ffs".

for those who don't know, tanks (at least in this game) have a special ability that basically acts as an aggro magnet. i have a strong suspicion tank wasn't using said ability considering how often i got swarmed, but we'll never know for sure.

now the mid boss was where it truly went to shit. no matter how much of a distance i kept from that damn thing, no matter how well i evaded its aoe attacks, i just kept dying over and over again. one time the rest of the party even got sent back somehow. i'm not sure how.

and why did i keep dying you may ask? because healer never healed me. not once after they resurrected me at the beginning did i notice my hp go up aside from when i used hi-potions or my one (1) healing spell, both of which have a very long cooldown. i think they were glued to tank the entire time, completely neglecting me and dps.

and yet, i was the one taking the blame for everything. for pulling the enemies tank should've pulled. for constantly dying, which i couldn't help because healer never once touched me after that first resurrection.

it was really starting to affect me so after i let my dead body be sent back to the beginning of the dungeon i finally put my foot down and left the dungeon. this disbanded the party, not only kicking everyone from the dungeon, but likely also penalizing all 4 of us because of my actions.

i will clarify that this wasn't just any old dungeon; it was aurum vale. it's a dungeon you need to be at least level 47 for. while i don't know much about it myself, judging by the way my friends talk about it the semi-universal verdict is that it sucks major balls. it' would's not be a fun dungeon to have to redo, that's for sure.

i was on the verge of tears for well over 30 minutes afterwards, both from the emotional afterquakes of fear and anger but also from the guilt of abandoning these people like that.

so, am i the asshole? am i too sensitive? should i just have sucked it up and kept going?

tldr; i felt like my party of randos were blaming me for being the weakest link while doing their own jobs poorly, and decided to prioritize my own feelings by leaving the dungeon, dissolving the party and forcing the others to start all over again

Oh no. Oh honey. I am so sorry Aurum Vale is just like that. I'm gonna put the poll here and some extra INFO/advice under a readmore because it's a bit long, but please read on before voting.

First: don't let leaving bother you too much, it didn't kick everyone from the dungeon, that's not how it works. If one person leaves, the queue just refills the party with a new person and the dungeon continues like normal, or everyone else now has the option to leave without penalty.

Aurum Vale's first room is a motherfucker--basically it's an older design with lots of wandering monsters, so on the first room especially you need to hug the left hand wall as tight as you can to aggro as little as possible. Let the tank go first and grab aggro on mobs. Don't pull for the tank, especially at this level range. Let them do their job. I can't say for sure whether they had their aggro-generating stance on, could go either way, but I can see why they got annoyed at someone pulling stuff they weren't ready for yet. While wall-to-wall pulling is pretty standard in this game, that's the tank's call to make, not the dps's--and some of these older dungeons with funky level syncing or enemy pacing make wall-to-walling more difficult and not for everyone.

(BTW, as an aside, tank stance works as a personal buff, not a magnet--they do still need to hit things to grab their aggro, sometimes more than once if someone else has already established on them. If they already have a pack they're working on and you grab something way on the other side of the room, you'll have to bring it over to them so they can take it off you!)

If you do die to mobs between bosses, sometimes the best thing to do is just release and respawn! If you get a rez, you'll have a debuff that makes you weaker for a while. Definitely if it's the very first room, releasing is the move most of the time.

As for dying to bosses: was it definitely the mid boss, the cyclops? Because the other two (the plant and the morbol) both have mechanics that make you take slow damage over time unless you eat a fruit to get rid of it. You want to eat a fruit every 2-3 stacks of the debuff that you get because that's where the damage starts to get more severe; before then, the healer can probably handle you.

Basically, it seems like this party mistook inexperience for malice and was rude to you in response. Not healing you, for example, is absolutely inexcusable. You did some things suboptimally that made the dungeon harder for the group, but honestly we were all there once, don't let it get to you too much. Try it again with your friends bearing the stuff I mentioned in mind, and it'll go much better! But as an aside it SUCKS to heal, if you have a more experienced friend you should let them handle it haha

#aita #am i the asshole #ffxiv #aurum vale #sorry for soapboxing lmao this game is just my thing

[wingwaver]

A few tips for new Tumblr users wanting to write here

Yo if you're here from Reddit or Twitter or some other site and just wanted to give this a shot you may have seen some blogs that are dedicated to writing headcanons or short fics or even original works for their own OCs and you may be thinking "hey I wanna give that a shot! I like to write!" then I have some tips to make it easier on you and people who see your content.

1. First off, if you're writing a pretty long piece the you should probably put it under a read more, it'll look like this on mobile

and this on desktop

or you can write :readmore: on a line by itself and press enter.

2. Now if you're gonna write for a whole bunch of different fandoms and you wanna make a master list then I suggest making an actual list with the fandoms you write for and then making more lists with the actual content as a you go along because you can only have 100 links in one post (I know that sounds like a lot but as someone who has around 300 Transformers things written trust me you fill up a post quicker than you expect, especially if you take requests from other people). The way I typically do it is like this

The first pic is the MASTER master list that lists everything I write for and when they're underlined like that it means they're links. The second pic is after clicking the G1 link, it's a separate post that has the actual fics and headcanon links. Note the 6/100 in the tags, this is how I keep up with how many things I've added. You can of course just use the numbers options from here

or just number them manually from your keyboard like I'm doing with this post. Adding links has no barring on what else you add to the post so you can add yourself some fancy header or divider pics if you want.

3. Adding links! Links can look like this https://www.tumblr.com/wingwaver/721887224846778368/test-post-for-reasons?source=share or like this https://wingwaver.tumblr.com/post/721887224846778368/test-post-for-reasons depending on whether you're linking from mobile or desktop/browser Just highlight the text you wanna add a link to and a the little chain will move to the end, click it and paste your url you want to link to and press add link, then press post/save draft/save (whatever the blue button says)

Now you've successfully linked a post to another post!

4. Tagging! To get your fics and headcanons seen to build an audience you usually wanna tag the stuff correctly. If you're posting a fic about Miles Edgeworth and Phoenix Wright from Ace Attorney then you'll tag it with #Ace Attorney, #Miles Edgeworth, and #Phoenix Wright in the tags area. But it's also a good idea to mention if it's a ship or general fic in the tags too. If so then putting ship names and #Miles Edgeworth x Phoenix Wright and #Miles Edgeworth/Phoenix Wright in the tags will help everyone know this is a ship fic. Tagging with characters or fandoms that aren't apart of the fic just clogs the tags for people looking for content of said characters and fandoms so it's very looked down on here and will likely get some of your stuff reported for spam so only use the relevant tags. Also tagging for triggers can be tricky here because of how fucky tumblr is but please don't tag censor tags. Tagging things like #a**** or #a*use or even #abu$e doesn't work here because people who have #abuse blacklisted will be able to see this content because it wasn't tagged properly. Also if you're writing for OCs or reader inserts it's common courtesy to tag those appropriately too. Someone looking for a reader insert may not want to read an OC and vice versa. Also many people filter those out so try to add tags like #x reader, #*fandom name* x reader, and #*character name* x reader for easier filtering. Also people cruise those tags too so it'll help people who fo want to read that content find your stuff!

#tumblr tips #writeblr #twitter migration #reddit migration #reddit blackout #twitter refugees #196 #r/196 #Twitter #Reddit #fanfiction #writing #writing blogs #tumblr help

[storagebay29]

james somerton 'apology' video transcript

Note: for those who do not want to watch it. For those who do, here's a link to a reupload as the original has since been deleted. There are a lot of a pauses and 'um's/'uh's, the latter of which are largely ommitted from the below transcript. Posted under a readmore as it's pretty long.

I'm sorry for taking so long to make this video, or to say anything. I'm in the hospital- I've been in the hospital for a little over a week. I tried- Fuck. I tried to do something really stupid... (pause) I'm only here now because before I did it, I called my dad to talk to him one more time and, he figured out something was wrong, called paramedics or 911 or… and they got here and I woke up in the hospital and, yeah.

…

Anyway, I'm not trying to make this a sob story, I'm just trying to explain why I've been so quiet. I had a friend from back home checking my emails and stuff, and yeah.

…

But anyway… I wanna say that I'm really really sorry, really really sorry... for the stuff in the videos, the not crediting people, and for a lot of videos, you know I, I did the opening titles thing, and I tried to put like ‘this is based on X's- this person's research, or on this person's book,’ but I know now that wasn't enough, that wasn't okay. And then there were a lot of times... that uh...  oh god. There were a lot of times that stuff just got put in and there was no attempt at crediting anybody (pause) and I'm really really sorry.

And I'm not, I'm not sorry that I got caught, I'm sorry for ever doing it, I didn't- I honestly honestly... didn't realise that I was hurting people... And now that I know that I was hurting people… I'm just really sorry.

I lost my best friend because of this. Nick and I have been best friends since 2011 or [20]12? We'd been friends online and then. He lived in Ottawa, I moved to Ottawa so we could be, like, friends in person, and then we moved back to- I moved back to Nova Scotia, and Nick came with me. We eventually moved to the Toronto area where we lived together for 7 years? 8 years? We lived together for a really long time… and… he hasn't spoken to me since this happened.

Sorry, sorry I said I wasn't gonna make this a sob sorry. I should’ve got some Kleenex.

Then again I'm really really really sorry for the things I did in the videos: copying people's work and not crediting them properly or at all. I also wanna apologise for the misinformation and just outright lies that ended up in the videos? I didn't- I honestly say that I never intended for any of that stuff to be in the videos, most cases I didn't write it but I should’ve, you know it was my face on the channel, my name on the channel, I should have been, I should have been more diligent about fact checking and stuff. ‘Cause there was a lot of really stupid shit in there. It would’ve- it's just so easy to check, I just never did, I just took it for granted…

I also, I wanna thank Hbomberguy and his team for setting up the fund to make some money available for the authors that were wronged and the journalists and writers and…

I wanna help somehow, I don't know how, a lot of- I've seen a lot of people online saying how much money I apparently make and they’re way overestimating. Beyond the fact that Nick and I split everything 50/50, they're still way overestimating how much money came in… And the Toronto area is expensive, so there's not really any kind of savings, I'm moving home really soon… ‘Cause without Nick there's nothing for me here, and like I said it's really expensive…

And so I wanna say I wanna thank them for setting up that fund, and I wanna help somehow. The only thing I can think of right now is to make the videos, most of the videos public again and every month I can send the ad revenue from all of the past videos- ‘cause there were plenty that didn't have any, any uncredited stuff in them... But I can make them public again, and then every month I can send the AdSense to- either I can send it to Hbomberguy's team, that they can add to the fund, or I can start a fund myself? And every month I can publicly say how much money was made on the AdSense and show it. And send that to the writers and stuff every month. I don't know... what the system for that would be? But I would be more than happy to do that

You know some of the videos like the ‘Killing Stalking’ video brought in like a pretty decent amount of money every month so that would be helpful I think/to them. I'll also put in either the description or the pinned comment the names of the authors so that anyone watching the video knows where all of the information came from, that it wasn’t me going out doing journalism- I never thought that anyone thought that I was doing journalism and stuff, and I don't think anyone did. For the people who actually were doing it should have been given the credit they deserve, they did the hard work, all I did was edit a video. They did the hard work and they- they deserved the credit

(cut) Sorry about that, phone stopped recording.

But- yes. They deserved- they deserved credit, and… when it was something... when it was something like the, the recent... ‘history of hollywood’ videos, right there in the opening credits, I put the Vito Russo's name, that it was adapted from his book ‘The Celluloid Closet’. Same thing went for the gay panic video and the gay holocaust video, they were- the holocaust video was adapted from two books, and the gay panic video was adapted from a lot of journalism, and I- I put their names right at the beginning of the videos.

But and- I understand that's not how citation works... now. I understand that, I get it. And I wanna do better. And I know a lot of people hate me now, ‘cause I did bad shit. But I wanna try and do better. At some point I’d like to make videos again. I'd like to do videos that are fully sourced, where I will put a link to the script where you can find all the sources so that everyone is properly given the credit that they deserve, any the kind of research that's done, credit for any b roll that's used whether it's stock footage, or movies or TV shows or video games, or anything like that, have it all in there. I would like to become a really really good example of giving proper credit to writers and journalists

And I know a lot of you watching this aren't- aren't really gonna care, you'd rather I just disappear. But I would like to try to do better.

I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital, I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things. I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus, which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…

This whole thing, Nick and I were 50/50 partners, it wasn't I hired him to have a scapegoat or something like that. I never hired Nick. Nick and I were roommates for years before I started doing Youtube videos and then they started- people started watching them and I asked Nick if he wanted to help me write them and he said yes and we started splitting the- first the AdSense and then the Patreon and then the sponsorships, we just split everything. Nick was never supposed to be a fall guy.

I'm sorry. Maybe I should have waited longer to do this. But yeah, I- the- I did not- I don’t think those things and I don't think Nick does either, I think it was just how fast we were writing stuff, and how fast we were putting videos out, it was just too fast. And we weren’t putting the care into them that needed to be put into them.

I've seen a lot of people on social media and other youtubers even lying about me, but other- other- Hbomberguy was not one of them, I just wanna be clear about that, except I was never setting Nick up to be a fall guy and. It was never a grift or anything like that. I swear it was not. It is not.

In the next couple of days, I'm gonna send out a message to the Telos supporters on Indiegogo and explain the whole situation in more detail to them because we were not super clear about everything that was going on with Telos and so I can- I understand if it seems like we weren't doing anything but we were. We were doing a lot of work on Telos. We just weren’t talking about it is because we- we made that initial first announcement for ‘final girl’ and that fell through and I'll explain that to the message I send out to the supporters which I'm sure will end up on reddit or somewhere… And after that we didn't- we didn't want to talk about it too much until we had something really concrete, and I will explain all of that in that message

Telos was and is not a grift. I was never gonna take the money and run. None of the money that came in for telos was ever going to be paying me or Nick. It was going to be paying queer actors and artists, musicians, things like that. And I know there's been lots of talk about budgets and all this stuff, and people saying that I'm really stupid for thinking a movie could be made for that little money, but there are examples of it being done, and I actually do have a work ethic.

Anyway. but yeah. anyway

I do want to keep making videos and I know a lot of you won't watch them and that's- that's fine. But I really liked making videos…

We ended up making a lot of videos we didn't wanna make because people were asking for them, and so there were a lot of videos that we made that we didn't wanna make, and I think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. One of them never got officially released. It was released to patrons, some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private. A lot of people hate the analysis that Nick and I did on it but. And so maybe it's good that that never got properly released, because… maybe it would have hurt people. And I don't want that.

But I do wanna make videos again sometime. I'd love to do like retrospectives on important gay movies. If you watch the channel ‘Be Kind Rewind’ they're an amazing channel that do a lot of retrospectives on older Hollywood movies and I would love to do that for gay movies. A lot of gay movies, people my age and younger have never heard of, things like ‘Torch Song Trilogy’ and ‘Longtime Companion’, and stuff like that, movies from the seventies and eighties and the nineties, things that were like really influential for gay cinema that no one talks about. And you know, I'd like to talk about not just those movies but how they got made and stuff like that. I would love to do something like that.

I swear on my mother's grave that there will be no copying people, no copying pasting. Every source will be cited in a document and on screen. ‘Cause I usually liked doing the research. I loved doing research - reading the books and articles and stuff like that. I- the part of me that was lazy was the copy and paste part. Instead of just putting it into my words and citing them properly and giving them credit… that's where the laziness came in. That was- I wasn't trying to be malicious. That was just laziness. And I promise for anyone who does watch the videos that I make going forward… I promise that will never happen again. I welcome the highest level of scrutiny on the new videos.

…

As for Patreon, I’m going to reactivate it. Because I saw a lot of people on social media saying that I was probably going to reactivate it right on January 1st so that everyone could get a surprise billing and I could take the money and run. And, no. First of all that was never my plan and I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna reactivate it now so that anyone who wants to leave - which I imagine will be the vast majority - can leave and not have to worry about being billed again in January.

… Yeah. So. In closing. I'm again incredibly sorry... And again I'm not sorry because I was caught, I honestly didn't know how much I was hurting people… and how much harm I was bringing to the community, because that's not ever what I intended. I wanted the channel to be a safe place. I spent so much time deleting comments that were hateful

I recently found out that I wasn't being notified about- that I wasn’t seeing comments that were in replies to other comments so there were plenty of hateful comments in the comment section that were plenty hateful that I wasn’t seeing, and I didn't know that. But I wanted the channel to be a safe place and it ended up not being a safe place.

And for the misinformation, that kind of falls into two categories. 1. I did the wrong research in the historical things and other things they're not what I wrote.

Again, thank you to Hbomberguy and his team for making the fund for the writers. I'd like to try to contribute to that somehow so- if- if it's okay to make the videos public and send all of the- public and send all- it won't be all of videos ‘cause some of them had to be taken down because sponsors wanted them taken down, but I can put the videos back up with the sources properly put in either- for the I guess for the videos that would be going up from zero, I could actually put in sources for the videos, which would be good.

I guess I could- For the other ones that would just be made live again, I could put them in a pinned comment. ‘Cause I think people read pinned comments more than they read the descriptions, cause like the descriptions disappear in a lot of places. Something like that. Something so that I can try and- it won't make up for what I did but just. Something.

So I’m really really really sorry. I hurt a lot of people that I really respect and that really sucks. And.  Nick if you're watching this I know you're probably not but I miss you and…

Yeah I want to do better. I want- I want to do better. I want to prove that I can do better. I don't expect anyone to just give me the benefit of the doubt. But I want to show that I can do better, so I hope you'll let me do that.

Again, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that the things I did- I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I promise going forward I will do better.

Thanks for watching, and...

…

And I’m really sorry.

#james somerton #hbomberguy plagiarism video #plagiarism and you(tube) #james somerton apology video #of course it's badly written he had to write it himself for once

[eshithepetty]

EXCELLENT CHOICE to actually show ???%'s expressions a little instead of them just being a black void with white, blank eyes. Especially since we don't get their internal narration like we do in the manga. Gives a nod to the fact that this is a person, not just an unthinking entity,,, i love it

[ID: two screenshots of Unknown Percentage from season 3, episode 10 of Mob Psycho 100, where they're first shown to be glaring, teeth gritted, then raising their head, eyes widening in what looks like surprise. End ID.]

Also, anyone else get the sense that here, ???% was leaning in to Teru to check if..... well, maybe not if he's okay, but if he's alive at least? Whether or not that means they care for Teru's well being, I'm not sure, but I find it interesting. In the least, it does show that they are aware that they are hurting people, and not just doing it indiscriminately, so that's something.

[ID: a screenshot of Unknown Percentage eerily leaning over Teru, who is prone. End ID.]

In light of that, it's also interesting to consider exactly what ???% kept attacking Teru for then. This part is gonna get a bit long, though (as ???% is my childe and I have many a dozen thoughts about them), so I'm putting it under readmore.

(Also, there are gonna be manga spoilers on account of me getting way too deep into it, so beware !!)

[ID: a screenshot of Unknown Percentage, facing away from the viewer, looking up at the sky where Teru's bag is exploding where it floats. All the following images are screenshots as well. End ID.]

1 ) First thing first, ???% immediately destroys Teru's bag. I don't think there's much to this one, but you could consider this a sign of hypervigilance - they saw Teru drop something, and immediately went to destroy it, perhaps in fear that it was aimed for them. So it quickly becomes obvious, that ???% is quite distrustful.

[ID: In the first, Teru is in side profile, looking to an off screen Unknown Percent, saying, "I'm not sure what happened," and in the next image, he is facing front, his face still relaxed, but now illuminated by the white light of Unknown Percentage's powers, saying "but if I'd suffice, I'd be happy to lis-" then cutting off. End ID.]

2 ) Next, Teru says this, and ???% immediately gets angry... I think. The first part, the implication from Teru that 'something must have happened for you to act this way' is what annoys ???% more. Because to them, they're just finally acting as they've always wanted to.. This isn't a bad thing to them. And they're frustrated that Teru, this person that acted much like them not even that long ago, is looking to talk them out of it.

[ID: In the first, we see Mob's bouquet of flowers, Teru off screen saying "Oh, you bought flowers! That's great!". In the next, he's smiling as he says, "But it might be a little dangerous going as you are right now.". In the third, he is illuminated by that same light, only brighter, his hair sweeping back, his expression turning panicked. End ID.]

3 ) Now this one... manga readers will know, ???% wanted to see Tsubomi as much as Mob. And so Teru denying them that chance here... well, suffice it to say, they feel a bit rejected here. Reigen told Mob in the previous episode to show his 'true self'. And in ???%'s eyes, they are the true self. To let Mob simply continue on, lie to Tsubomi as they see it, and keep pretending ???% wasn't a part of him, as if they weren't the whole reason he was even still alive right now... ???% probably would find that unbearable.

[ID: In the first, Teru is frowning and sweating, saying, "You leave me no choice." In the next, the background behind him has turned an ominous purple, his expression intense, Unknown Percent's shoulder seen in the corner as Teru restrains them with his telekinetically powered scarf, and says "I'm gonna have to keep you restrained until your powers calm-". And in third, we see his vacant face, flying through the clouded sky, his noise slightly bleeding. End ID.]

4 ) Once again, Teru is denying ???% being a part of Mob, being Kageyama-kun, instead labeling them as just Mob's 'power'. Fitting for Teru, who just in this episode said, "[Kageyama-kun taught me], how important it is to accept yourself without any psychic powers." For Teru, accepting himself without his powers was essential, since he hinged his everything on them to an unhealthy degree. But to Shigeo, the opposite is true. And ???% has had enough of being restrained.

[ID: In the first, it's closed up on Teru's trembling hand, which he is clutching with the other, saying "Kageyama-kun...." The second image is a closeup of Teru's eye, slightly serious, as he says "Stop this. You should head home for the day." And third is a similarly composed closeup of Unknown Percent's eye, glowing a bright white against his shadowed skin, as Teru continues off screen, "It's for your own good." End ID.]

5 ) The same as in the third point, except this time, there's the added salt of Teru saying "It's for your own good", as if he even knows the slightest thing about ???%, and, by extension, about Shigeo (as ???% sees it). Logically, we know that it truly doesn't do Shigeo any good to let ???% just keep rampaging like this. But ???% doesn't. Feelings are often irrational. And in this case, ???% just feels scorned.

[ID: In first, it is closed up on Unknown Percent, them turning back to the flowers flying behind them, their mouth slightly open in alarm. Teru in the background is staring wide-eyed, aura glowing. In second, Teru is looking more serious, saying, "If I destroy those...". In third, it is focused on the flowers, Unknown Percent and Teru in the background, as the bouquet gets enveloped in Teru's powers, seemingly exploding. In fourth, it is closed up on Teru's gritted teeth, as Unknown Percent grips their hand around his throat, choking him. End ID.]

6 ) Once again, same as third point... ???% is very determined to do this one thing 'right'. The fact that Teru almost took that chance entirely away from them probably scares them. And, of course... there's the obvious parallels with the choking.... this follows Teru's little inner monologue about how Mob has changed him. So even though I am still undecided on whether this was an intentional act of revenge on ???%'s part or not, the narrative meaning of this is pretty clear... they are, as Mob said all that time ago, the same, in that Mob needs to deal with his feelings involving his powers just as Teru did.

[ID: In first, Teru is noticeably beat up, expression worn and concerned, as he asks, "Kageyama-kun, are you having some kind of episode?". In second and third, it pans the back of Teru's head across the screen to reveal more of Unknown Percentage, a he says "To think you, of all people, would go berserk and lose control of your powers...". In fourth, the background has turned to a splash of warm yellow, as Teru disjointedly smiles, points a finger at them and proclaims "I guess you're pretty average, too! I'm a bit relieved, honestly.". The fifth is a closeup of Unknown percent's eye, staring angrily. And the next, the lines shadowing them get more intense, and Teru in the background lets out a "No..." End ID.]

7 ) Whoooowgh,,, this part..... it's hard to hear, but ???% gasps a little after Teru calls them average. I think... this runs deeper than Shigeo's relationship to Teru and their collective view on a person's worth. I think, this traces way back to Reigen. When he told Mob, right after he hurt a loved one with strength beyond any 'normal' person all by accident, that he's 'just like everyone else'. That he's average. I think... this talk. Was instrumental to the born divide between Mob and ???%, just as the actual violent act was. Because how do you reconcile the fact that you're apparently just some normal, average, harmless little kid, with the fact that you can also kill people without even trying? While not even aware?

Reigen does say, after all, upon seeing this. Upon actually witnessing ???%, Mob's power in it's entirety, that he didn't know about this. He didn't know. He had no idea, and he was just speaking out of his ass about things he didn't understand... so while that advice did help Mob immensely in a lot of ways, people aren't wrong about that... I think. A lot of people are also missing that this advice Reigen gives isn't the full picture. That it is, just like everything about the conman, flawed. Just as Reigen influenced Mob positively, he was also one of the negative influences in his life, that led to this point. To Mob splitting himself in halves, and paying the price.

Everything and everyone, after all, has two sides to them.

[ID: First is a closeup of Teru's eyes, the background being a stark white, everything illuminated in a haunting red glow. His expression is horrified, he is bleeding from his nose, and someone in the background is yelling "Help!". In the second and third, Unknown Percentage turns to Teru wordlessly, as the people around them continue to shout "Look out!" and "Save me!". End ID.]

8 ) And you can see it here. The way ???% is staring at Teru, almost asking him, "Do you see it? What I am actually capable of? Is this really 'the average' you speak of?" because I have the feeling, Shigeo is tired of people brushing past his very real concerns of being more than capable of hurting people, to a disastrous extent. To deny he is different in any way, is to deny his capabilities are different, and that what he needs is different as well. He cannot go on living just as any other human without powers, or as any other esper even. Because although he is equal to everyone else on a human level, he is not the same as everyone. This desire to fit in, to not stand out, to not acknowledge his unique fears and desires and feelings, is the entire reason 'Mob' as a persona got constructed. And ???% is finally finding the chance to unravel all of it.

[ID: two shots framed from low perspective, the background being a cloudy, gray sky, as Unknown Percentage first looks down at an off screen unconscious Teru, then turns their back, beginning to walk away. End ID.]

It is meaningful, then, that after this, ???% just lets the people Teru saved float, and leaves the boy to lay on the ground, to continue on. It wasn't really their intention to hurt people just to hurt. They certainly don't care that much about their pain right now, either, but. It was for a point. It was all just to prove a point, to Teru, to the world. That they're not something to be stifled. That their desires deserve to be heard, too. And, more than anything... I think it was a way to get back at Mob, at this person that has shunned them all this time, and say - you think you're the only one who deserves to be happy? You think you can be happy, with me continuing to writhe underneath the surface, unacknowledged, like this? How long are you going to go on? How long, until I'm able to exist freely again? And how long, until you realize, that what happened 4 years ago, wasn't a fluke?

Because they're not the one who hurt Ritsu. It wasn't some otherworldy entity, this power that is inhuman and uncontrollable and unreachable. It was Shigeo. Shigeo, who is comprised of Mob, in all his desire for self control, and ???%, in all his desire for freedom. And only through them meeting together, can they fulfill both, and learn to not repeat those same mistakes.

Because Shigeo is human. And Shigeo is the protagonist of his own life. For better, for worse <3

#mob psycho 100 #mp100 #kageyama shigeo #hanazawa teruki #meta #character analysis #unknown percentage #question mark percent #mp100 season 3 spoilers #mp100 manga spoilers #mp100 finale spoilers #described #my own post #god this took so long sjdfsjfs... #but fuck i needed to get this out there :') #man... the horrors were truly witnessed today;;;... cant wait for them to return in a week ahahahh.... #anyways i.need to go to sleep now. buhyeee;; o(-(

[sleepymccoy]

Still thinking about a Star trek TOS Firefly au. So I'm gonna have fun writing it out.

I love the dynamic between Mal, Zoe, and Wash, so that's certainly becoming the triumvirate. Mal > Jim, Zoe > Spock, Wash > Bones. However Wash's job doesn't make sense for Bones so he's going to change to doctor.

Jim was on Tarsus 4 and suffered the same as in canon, famine leads to who lives lottery and he wasn't chosen but survived anyway. I think that makes perfect sense in the Firefly universe too, but I think unlike in trek Kodos is celebrated by the federation in Firefly for making tough choices and leading in a strong way. So he's not on the run, he's a constant background side threat who's still in power. The face of the federation in this version, but not the head of it. You feel me

After Tarsus, Jim and Bones met and became mates. I think Bones moved to a big fancy planet for his wife and child after a bit. In the meant time, we have Spock!

This got massive, have a readmore

Spock is the result of eugenic experiments (there's no aliens in Firefly 😢) like the serenity thing that the og story is about (but generational eugenics not brain poking)(because I want there to be many others, just also in hiding and with their own political factions and opinions) but his resulted in Vulcan-like stuff. I think he's still got the pointy ears and has excessively strong emotions that he's learnt to hide completely cos he was raised in a medical facility by cold scientists instead of parents and love. There's schools of thought about them, some want to integrate, some want them exterminated, some want them to form their own society. The federation stance is these eugenic things don't exist and if you see one kill it because it officially doesn't exist. So Spock is forced into hiding and hasn't really had a chance to form his broader opinion, cos it's academic anyway. They're all hiding now.

So, Spock's escaped (more on that later) and in hiding. He meets Jim and they click, probably meeting in some silly battle. I reckon Spock has ways to get away from the feds that Jim wants to learn, so Jim pushes for them to team up. They spend some time together either on someone else's ship or on a smaller ship just them two.

After a while that comes to an end and they put together a crew and buy a ship together. They hire Sulu and Chekhov who are a criminal team who need to get off this rock very fast please. Chekhov can fly wonderfully and has enough engineering knowledge that they're like hey we maybe don't need someone in the engine room!

Sulu is a jack of all trades. It takes a few months for them to realise how useful he is, he always has a skill they need and always knows someone who'll play as a contact. Absolutely invaluable.

Eventually the engine breaks beyond Chekhov's skill to fix and they've all heard of Scotty. Everyone knows about Scotty. I think this would make a good episode one.

They work Sulu's contacts and find Scotty who is, lo and behold, having a drink with his mate disgraced Doctor McCoy. Spock, immediate dislike, this guy is a doctor. Jim, holy shit! Bones! Why the fuck aren't you emailing me back!?

Turns out Bones has gotten divorced and threw a bit of a fit in a hospital and can't work on a core planet anymore. He agrees to join the crew and Scotty has some issue that forms most of the episode plot and joins too cos hey, crims gotta keep moving

The ep ends with meeting Uhura, who manages a lot of the residual resistance movement's comms. She's the most political of the bunch, but Jim is absolutely in agreement and so chuffed to meet her even tho he's never been too war-y before. Scotty and Sulu already know her. She takes a kind of Inara role on the ship, but she's not companioning, she's boosted the comms in the shuttle and is continuing this work. It's great for her cos she gets to move around and be hard to catch, and it's great for the ship cos it gives them access to loads of underground people who aren't the hated federation

I also think she helped Spock break out back in the day. I'm not sure if she was part of it and they've met, or if she helped run things so she knows Spock but he doesn't know her. She's gonna be their reason for getting accidentally involved in larger things in the story and why they get more altruistic with their jobs. Spock also pulls them into some of the eugenic stuff

I reckon episode two needs some Spock eugenic stuff to happen so that Bones can solidify himself as on team Spock in action even if he has a go at Spock. Cos everyone else follows Jim's orders and Jim is team Spock, so I think Bones needs a chance to prove it. To great danger to himself ofc.

Repeat characters (like in Firefly they have Badger and Saffron who rock up as major non crew characters) are Chapel and Rand. I think Chapel is still on a core planet as a nurse. I would have her join the crew in season two, to look for her missing husband. But in season one she can be an insider informant for the hospital heist episode, which they do mainly for the medical equipment cos Bones has like nothing to treat people with. And maybe Spock has some additional medical needs that Bones needs to learn (Spock hates this)

Rand is like a bit of Saffron energy but less totally untrustworthy. I think she works them for her benefit but in a way where when they meet again they're like hey Janice you're not allowed on the ship but it's great to see you! Like, maybe she hijacks them to get her somewhere or stows away super inconveniently. Or maybe she just steals from them old school style and has a very all's fair in love and war vibe about it. She just doesn't hold any resentment, so it's hard to resent her

If I were to cast this show I'd cast Bones and Jim and women because I think it needs more women, might as well put them in positions of power, and honestly I think Spock's character with the emotional repression and all would change being cast as a woman whereas the others wouldn't. Spock's character in this is gonna be playing into stereotypes and expectation to stay in hiding, and those change as a woman

I've definitely got less tension on board than Firefly. There's no Jayne equivalent making life hard for everyone, but you could write an arc in for Chekhov like that if you wanted to. He could go from disliking the danger Spock and Uhura bring to absolutely admiring them over like two seasons. Could be interesting, but it's not got much to do with trek really

There's no shipboard romance here either. There could be something cool in the Scotty/Uhura that happened later in trek canon. Maybe they've got romantic history, so when she joins the ship there's tension and they just fall into bed together pretty quickly. But I'd only put that in if it added something else to the story, which it might! I'm not actually writing, I'm brainstorming

And similar to what the did in Firefly I think Spock/Bones makes the most sense. Cos we don't need proof that Spock and Jim understand each other, they're captain and first officer. They have each other's back absolutely. And similarly with Jim and Bones, they'd have old loyalty and friendship to draw on. And I think they also just obviously get along. But Spock and Bones could do with some plot prodding along, so I'd do something like the Simon/Kaylee romance where there's tension and clear desire but they're bad at making it happen. There's too much in the way. But it adds reason for Bones to have Spock's back (cos we're coming at at the start of their friendship, not years into their five years mission) and you can occasionally see Spock relaxing the emotional wall with someone other than Jim as he develops more serious a crush

I want to see! The Niska episode where Jim and Spock get nicked and tortured, and Bones goes in to trade for them back. He can only afford one but true to the Empath ep he just trades himself and volunteers for the torture.

I also want to see a Jaynestown style ep where Scotty or Sulu are the hero. I think probably Scotty. He'd be easy to write as selfish in a he only cares about tech kinda way and then to find that he accidentally did this would be funny. He also likes to keep a low profile generally so it's extra hilarious

Hospital heist ep, with Chapel cameo. I don't think anyone's handing Spock over to the feds, but maybe they get caught and Chekhov tries to trade Spock for their freedom? Not in a pre planned malicious, but more that he just doesn't prioritise Spock's safety over everyone else's. He sees it as a last ditch leverage effort, for the greater good. Could be good drama

Saffron style ep with Rand but she steals from them. I do think that's hilarious, showing them be the mark. And I'd let her win, leave them stranded without whatever thing it is she fleeced and having to find a new magical tech engine bit. But hey she left some booze as an apology and made out with Jim so it's not too bad

I really like Firefly

#star trek #star trek tos #firefly #uhotty #spones

[humming-fly]

every year for my birthday I do something self-indulgent and THIS year it's me finally organizing all the doodles and lore for my kirby oc Fayre that I have yet to put on tumblr into one place!

because i love you all putting the vast majority of this under a readmore but yeah if you want a collection of doodles and vaguely coherent scraps of info about my little guy please read on and if you want to ask questions about 'em go for it i love talking about these idiots

gonna also be mentioning a few other OC's here so for the record Strix belongs to @alagaesia-overlord and Stell belongs to @aseuki, because everyone knows it's more fun being insane about something if you have company~

real quick gonna just link to the past main posts on fayre for posterity lol

Fayre Details/Backstory:

So as has already been established in prior posts fayre is a very fae-aligned little critter that pretty exclusively hangs out in the woods with their 1-way mirror mask behaving for all intents of the word like some sort of weird cryptid. In terms of defining characteristics they have a set of very odd wings that constantly emit a stunning aura that causes confusion/distress when observed at close quarters, as well as a permanent 0.0 expression that they can't change (so no blinking, smiling, etc.) which is a byproduct of their creation as a mirror clone.

How all that worked out is their 'original', Prism, landed right next to a mirror portal as a newborn and more or less immediately wandered into it - my general headcanon about how the mirror doubles work is that they're made up of Every reflection someone has made up to the point they look into the amazing mirror, but since prism only just existed her first and only reflection was the 0.0 expression of a child looking through the mirror before passing through it, so fayre is locked and loaded with that expression but nothin' else. This is also why fayre's wings are way different than prism's bird-of-paradise setup, as technically prism's back was never reflected by the mirror either so it got the randomizer setting instead.

Despite being 'born' more or less at the same time the two never formally met until many years later, as prism wandered right into the mirror world and fayre wandered right out into the primary world and neither ever looked back. Differences aside, when prism did eventually track fayre down they immediately hit it off and now consider each other to be twin siblings. (Prior to meeting Prism Fayre didn't know they were a mirror clone, but largely took learning that detail in stride, as they do with most things)

In terms of early life fayre was actually found and raised by a small village of broom hatters, who came upon this child in a little crater they'd made after falling off the cloud holding up the mirror

The broom hatters assumed that fall was what had paralyzed their face, but fortunately as the broom hatters are a race of faceless creatures themselves the lack of expressions wasn't ever a problem. Not being able to move or open their mouth means fayre can't talk with it, but instead uses the general telepathic way of speaking used by most species lacking that particular facial feature. The main benefit of that skill is being able to throw their voice and also talk in hieroglyphics if desired

Fayre stayed with the broom hatters until reaching early adolescence, after which they left to go explore the natural world - though now living on their own they do still come back to say Hi every year or so during the Sweeping Seasons.

Fayre got their wings sometime while off living by themselves in the woods, and after some trial and error did figure out a way to more or less 'replace' their wings with a funky cape (the trial and error being a learning curve whereupon getting near people with their wings would cause people to get dizzy/sick, so for a while they were wandering around in a little cape they found until they could puzzle out a way to properly tuck them away) - while the cape is replacing the wings they're more or less 'in stasis', so damaging the cape doesn't damage the wings and vice versa, and is more of a strange pocket dimensional swap than anything. Thus the cape can't actually be removed from fayre, trying to rip it off them won't hurt or anything but will probably just yank them around a bit (maybe they're somehow trading their wings with an equivalent in the yarn dimension? who knows, they certainly don't)

The wings themselves are pretty odd as they look sort of like dragonfly wings but are actually made up of individual feathers of varying traits - general consensus is they are indeed very pretty, but other than gliding fayre can't actually fly that well with them. The stunning aura on them Does keep bugs and wildlife away though making them ideal for forest exploration, and fayre will wrap themselves up in them every night when going to bed as the wings work to deter any predators from going after them, and it's Comfy

~Plot Stuff Begins~

Meeting Strix:

For quite a while Prism was the only consistent point of contact Fayre had with anyone else, and even then the two only visited one another infrequently, both happy to largely keep to the homes and lives they've carved out for themselves.

The first major change to fayre's day to day life was the introduction of another puffball named Strix, who happened upon them while looking for their wayward coworker

After conversing a bit it was discovered that Strix is actually employed as a Reaper, of the paper-pushing variety, and only tends to poke their head out of purgatory when hunting down their work-shirking coworker.

Said work-shirking coworker is also the reason strix is the only person fayre has met that isn't affected by their wing's wonky aura - spending a few centuries in close quarters with someone who puts out a very similar status effect tends to build up an immunity, which fayre tries their best to take full advantage of

Fayre and Strix managed to hit it off early on, and occasionally meet up every month or so for an hour or two to get their required socializations in before wandering back off from whence they came. Strix will often share their work bereavements, or encourage fayre to actually learn some self-defense, which is largely met with playful ambivalence, though despite fayre's general disinterest in combat some minor progress was made on strix's part

(To that end farther the line a more favorable and not at all ominous deal was struck between the two so time will tell how that pans out)

During one of these chats strix also shared some of their Tragic Backstory:tm:, which fayre empathized with in the only way they know how

These friendly meetings continued with regularity for some odd years, up until fayre accidentally rode-along on one of strix's business calls~

Meeting Stell (aka The 'Among-Us' Arc):

Unfortunately for Fayre, Strix had been called to investigate what was reported to be an erroneous wish caused by a faulty comet, one without its proper safety regulations in place. Fayre tumbled on through strix's portal and into the sidelines of an ongoing fight between strix and some new armored fighter apparently affiliated with said comet.

Hoping to avoid whatever anime-ass conflict was going on over there, fayre started drifting towards the only other point in space of any note, the giant cat-like mechanical comet. Unfortunately for fayre, whoever had maintained that comet had rigged it up with a series of perimeter defenses, which fayre became intimately familiar with as they were shot down and forced to land on the comet itself to escape the bullet-hell firing at them.

Suffering some fun knicks and scrapes predominantly on their wings fayre pushed that on the back burner with their cape and started to look for an exit from this weird mechanical death trap. (Past this point Fayre has a quasi-permanent notch in their left feather).

Thus began fayre's fun-filled two-ish weeks of impromptu among us where they had a jolly time hiding in the vents and cutting wires to stall the maniac doing their level best to eject them with lethal force

Eventually contact was made with the assailant, whose name was apparently Stell, and an agreement was brokered just as Strix finally decided to stop by again to see how fixing that busted-ass comet was going.

after that misunderstanding was cleared up Fayre finally got off that shitty comet and after being dropped off in the woods by strix managed to trudge all the way to the mirror dimension to visit prism and get some bandaids (slash bullet holes patched up)

Mirror Arc & Beyond:

Some additional fun is had with the twins in the mirror dimension, namely the whole kitten kaboodle becoming corrupted for a time and fayre becoming a bit of an asshole because of it, which predominantly ended up aimed at strix who popped by to help sort all that out

post-corruption fayre found out apparently strix took the verbal abuse personally and fixed that all right up in their own way by visiting them at their workplace

tragically for fayre's happy-go-lucky attitude they've come to be attached to strix, which only became obvious once strix relayed a recent near-death experience to them and they got to experience their first ever Bummer Emotion

making that extra fun was learning said near-death experience was caused by their good friend Stell, which in turn lead to fayre's first ever Catching Hands Emotion

fayre's emotional roller coaster topped out after more or less jumping stell in a convenience store and trying to forcibly shove their own negative emotions down his throat after he brushed off the encounter he'd had with strix (partially due to running a high fever but that sure wasn't fayre's problem) - since then they've leveled back out and are back to being the most emotionally well-balanced of the three, which is a low bar to clear but hey first place is still first place~

#why yes this Is a birthday gift to myself #internet backups are important and also fun to find down the line hahaha #anyways hope you all enjoy my Special Little Guy #also tw for flashing image way at the bottom of this massive post #long post #like for real it's a Long post i used the full 30 images #fayre #kirby oc #ahh #my art #doodles

[piosplayhouse]

Nendo Bingqiu update and plans:

Ok so I wasn't going to make a post about this until I get my tack for sqq but that's going to take a really long time and I just like them too much to not talk about them for that long so I'm just gonna ramble about my custom plans under a readmore

Here's a transparent horse riding maid binghe though that you can put wherever you want :-) pls have fun with him

So I think I'll paint the blank tb body I'm getting in the mail for sqq because it feels like a natural improvement on the Xiu Ya he has right now that I kind of hate (current on the left, body that I'm changing it out for on the right).

I think I'll be doing a dapple grey for him.

As for Xin Mo, I was poking around some indie sculptors' sites and managed to snag this b-grade sport horse head from Camelot Studios. It's a slightly larger scale (1:9 as opposed to 1:12) but since it is a second there could be scaling abnormalities + breyer models themselves can sometimes vary in scale even within category. So when it comes we'll see if I can Frankenstein it onto him

Here's a full reference of Xin Mo (warmblood stallion) right now:

I think the head could add a lot of personality to what I imagine would be a very difficult horse, so I'm hoping it fits. But even if it doesn't, I wouldn't be opposed to possibly buying a smaller pony traditional model like Brookside Pink Magnum to fit with it instead

#nendo bingqiu

[autisticlancemcclain]

Really loved your Beauty and the Beast Au! Youre an amazing writer, and it drew me in with like the first sentence! I know Lance is bitter about his situation (gosh love that langst) but I'd love to see how long and how the castle inhabitants would react to Lances situation. Is there more Langst? Found family fluff? What makes Keith a beast??

Thank you for creating!

ooooooou thank u for asking bc this forces me to get into brainstorm mode (so i might actually update lol). this got super long so im gonna put a readmore

yes lance is super bitter about his situation and he absolutely has a right to be. he, like belle, is most definitely the town outcast/weirdo, but unlike belle, he's not the smartest person in town?? like he's not a huge reader, he's more of a math person but even still. he's not strong like his brothers so he doesn't work well on the farm. he doesn't articulate himself well so people generally think he's dumb, even though he's really not. he gets frustrated at school because the way he makes sense of things doesn't line up with the way he's supposed to do things, so he doesn't do well. he has excellent aim, but he's a horrible hunter because he refuses to kill any animals (he loves them too much). he's kind of the disappointment on every end, and he knows that, and he hates it

he wasn't necessarily SURPRISED that he was chosen to be the one to be sent up for the beast, but he's hurt anyway. it hurts him more because it was up to the ENTIRE TOWN to vote, and his family has nine people besides him, and literally only three people (veronica and his niece & nephew) didn't vote for him and that hurts him so so bad. he feels super betrayed by his family, and it's worse bc he knows they love him and they try their best to include him & do what's best for him but they genuinely don't know what to do for him so the relationship is pretty strained

the inhabitants are very used to lance's situation, at least initially!! the way i have planned out is that keith's parents died when he was around 6, and so keith was made king, but obviously the poor kid was miserable and grieving and in WAY over his head. his uncle, zarkon, was gunning for the throne obviously, and as keith's new guardian he kept trying to convince keith to give up his rights to him, but keith never even heard a word from him like he would just scream at every person who so much as looked at him wrong. none of the staff could handle him, with the exception of shiro, the oldest squire of the kingdom(late teens) & keith's only friend/older brother figure, and even that was strained, but shiro loves keith and did what he could to support him. however since zarkon wanted that throne so bad, he made a deal with an iffy enchantress, honerva, who came to the castle one rainy night and begged for shelter. since, again, keith was 6 yrs old and literally had the worst possible thing that could happen to him happen, he was horrible to her, so she cursed him -- he would look as beastly as he feels inside, and if he doesnt find someone to fall in love with him & marry him in 20 years, he was gonna be stuck that way. all the workers of the castle got stuck as household objects w him too bc zarkon, who sucks, paid her extra to make that happen, and then dipped before he could be affected.

to try and save themselves, the kingdom staff came up with a plan -- they would invite a noble kid keith's age to be his betrothed, to come live with him for a while and be keith's royal consort basically when they were old enough to get married. common occurrence! except...keith is not only still grieving, but now he's literally cursed AND he's feeling hefty guilt about how the rest of the staff is cursed only he has no idea how to express himself so it just comes out as rage. obviously the noble kid backs out after like a month of being near keith. this happens again, and again and again, until the staff (namely shiro & adam) had no more noble kids to choose from, so they trickled down to the townspeople. over the years, this info passed from town to town, and evolved into a lottery that each town did when it was their turn: they would send a young person around the prince's age to be betrothed to him. should this young person manage to find the prince agreeable and marry him, regardless of the lack of royal blood in their lineage, they would become his equal, and their family would be treated accordingly. (so it makes SENSE why lance was sent. lance knows that by marrying the prince he will do more for his family than he ever would be able to otherwise. still hurts a bunch.)

shiro & adam and everyone else in the castle is well used to a new person coming to win keith's heart. keith is rude & jaded & honestly kind of mean (he's traumatised), so they're also used to no one lasting more than two months before quitting.

lance, of course, is a special case, because he is the most stubborn person alive. most people who come are afraid of keith. lance is fuckin' mad at him. lol.

yes there will be found family fluff!! and, also, lance's family situation is stupid complicated BUT he still loves them and they still love him and there WILL be a nuanced perspective. this fic will be about CHOICE, even when that choice is hard as shit.

feel free to send me more questions!! i will have an update soon hopefully

#i love these kinds of asks theyre my fave #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #langst #keith #keith kogane #keith angst #klangst #klance #broganes #lance's family #longpost #my writing

[swaps55]

One thing I love every time you talk about Sam is how deeply you understand him as a character. I have two related questions: 1) what strategies or tips have you used on purpose to get to know him better, over all the time you've been writing him? 2) what's the most surprising unintentional way you've learned big things about him?

Thank you!!! Part of it is that Sam lives rent free in my head at all times. There is no chance I could have more than one Shepard. Sam is it. He's a full time job.

How do I get to know him better?

I ask why, all the time. At the outset, when I was first giving him shape, the key question I set out to answer was, "Why does this guy save the galaxy, as opposed to someone, anyone else?" It was not an easy question to answer, and I am more or less still answering it. The other big question that set the stage for a lot of things was, "how does someone without the inherent trauma of Mindoir or the Earthborn background become the Butcher of Torfan?"

Whenever he does something, or reacts to something, or has a particular opinion, I try to ask why. I don't write from his POV, so I really have to stop and think about his motivations, his desires, the things that make him tick. And I think about them all the time. Sometimes the answers are obvious, otherwise they take longer to percolate up. I've learned to be patient.

Using a readmore because I did a lot of rambling.

One of the things that took me a little longer to unknot was why Sam gets so defensive in Cantata when Kaidan asks why he put himself through the N program with the glucose side effect. It was a pretty valid and question, but Sam comes back at him later asking why Kaidan doubts him at every turn, including whether he's good enough for the N program. But Kaidan didn't question that. Why did Sam interpret it that way?

I didn't have the answer when I wrote the chapter, and it always bugged me until I came across another instance where the same thing happens and it finally hit me. Sam interprets worry as doubt. If you express worry, in his head that translates to, "I don't think you can do this." So any time someone worries about him, he gets weirdly pissy. It's not until Kaidan flat out yells, "because I worry about you," to his face, that it clicks Kaidan isn't criticizing him.

I also learned huge things about him kind of unexpectedly at the orchard. I'd always operated under the impression that his fixation on the N program was largely due to the expectations of his mother, but that chapter showed me it really wasn't. His endless quest for approval is definitely because of her, but he went for N7 because he feels he owes his father a debt.

The N7 chapter of Cantata, Facing Giants, was a huge revelation overall, because that's where it felt like all the formative influences on him really crystalized. That chapter showed him in context with his mother and father, and how much they both influenced him so heavily in different ways, and it fell together in ways that were beyond my wildest expectations. I didn't set out to make that chapter a thesis on what made Sam Shepard Sam Shepard, but that's what it became.

But the most surprising, unintentional way I've learned something big about him is probably that time I got a random snippet of dialogue in my head out of the blue that handed me the answer to a question I'd been asking for probably 3 years: Why did Sam want the marines so badly? His mother wasn't a marine, and she's the one he was desperate to please. But his desire to be a soldier came around long before his father disappeared. So...why a solider? I didn't have an answer and it was making me crazy until this exchange between Daniel and kid!Sam popped in my head out of nowhere, in the shower:

"My job is to protect you. Arcturus is safer than being on a ship.” “Who’s gonna protect mom?”

....and there was my answer.

One of the really fun ways to think about Sam is in terms of what I know about him vs. his own self awareness. A lot of the questions that take longer to answer tend to be the ones where he lacks self-awareness of what drives him, like that particular question. If you asked him why he wanted to be a marine so badly he wouldn't be able to tell you. But now I know!!! Wheeeeeee!

#swaps replies #scribblesandknots #'shoot it again sam' shepard #opus!verse

[sothischickshe]

Up for a discussion question? If we’d gotten a full season three as intended, what would you have expected/liked to see from Beth and Rio?

Hey sweetie, I'm always up for a discussion question danke 🙇🏼‍♀️🥰❤️

I stand by what I said once re what i'd've liked to see from s3, particularly: the full s3 😭😭, whatever their vision for that was, so I could judge it on its own merits!! It remains a very romantic concept to me, bc while I certainly have my issues with other plots in s3 (terrible therapist, donor family, here's a hitman let's give him all our money woo, dean's salesman shenanigans & boring affair with gale etc) the angsty messy sexy brio scenes were soooo delicious 🥺🖤 and then while I understand s4 had a lot to reset from/deal with, s4 (b)rio frequently doesn't make all that much sense to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

but also! i finally started posting a fic which is kinda about that? (rio pov, post s3, eventually very long etc). so im gonna say a lil more (thus warning: minor fic spoilers) behind the cut...

....but this thing keeps moving where i put the readmore?!

how do u make a website this bad. um anyhow

pay-off to the boring dean/gale stuff!! helllooooo beth and dean both sleeping with their bosses?! hilarity goldmine no?!

MORE RHEA. like you can't just introduce a character beth's having a quasi-romance with & rio's presumably had an actual one with, who's seen them both at their softest and uncovered worstnesses, and is surely best placed to comment on say their similarities and then do nothing with it???

beth and rio yelling at each other. surely this was coming??

not ending on that next time empty the clip line (which i don't like) / wrapping up the hitman plot

given the (sudden!) arrival of nick in s4 and depressing rio backstory, i'd've loved some suggestion that rio was like consciously paralleling nick & beth's betrayals of him & considering them as similar and/or that his mentoring of beth had something to do with even the vaguest of plans to extricate himself from nick (plus Revenge) etc

like. acknowledgment and processing of trauma???

weird angsty sex

more brio bar scenes, more brio drinking, more brio laughing (at each other)

if not the furniture return, then at least it being more a topic of conversation...like how wasnt it? beth pitching ideas for earning the return (at least of her kids' stuff??) or rio holding it over her head or at least him going on abt how much he's enjoying her lamps or something!

death divorce. the show held this over our head for far too long. i also like this being decoupled from the brio stuff as much as plausible. beth needs to divorce dean not bc she's interested in rio but bc dean is the worst.

plenty of boland bubbles, that spot lasted abt 0.4 seconds after we sat through all that dean nonsense... we should have at least got rio testing out an empty hot tub cos he doesnt know theyre supposed to have water in or something.

inordinate amounts of brio bickering

ending of hitman/plot consciously paralleling s1 and 2 finales, even if it wasn't literally beth + rio + some man + a gun (ideally with some rationale as to how rio finds said hitman, whether or not that was a reveal of his magical powers)

Incentive Convo Callbacks (also rio vs sushi like a million more times, pls)

scars.

#ty for asking! <3 <3 <3 <3 #nbc good girls #tv #fanfiction #i 4got i have to go find a compooter to edit a half saved draft ask answer...tumblo y r u like this waaah

[icedmetaltea]

(Thanks again Tea for giving me permission to send this over! Wasn't too sure at first, but I decided to go ahead and just do it lmao,,)

This is a gift for Tea for being such an amazing friend! You've had such a rough year, but you were able to push through and I couldn't be more than happy!! I'm hoping 2024 will be easier on you, but if not, know that me and so many other people will be here for you <3

Now, no more mushy-gushy stuff behold!!! horni!!!

OK I realized I can't put this under a readmore since it's an ask lol so taggin is gonna have to do, that is what the blacklist is for after all~ If ppl who don't wanna see stuff like this see it bc they couldn't be bothered to blacklist these tags then that's on them

It is BEAUTIFUL!! Thank you so much again :DDDD You have such a fun style, I love how their grins curl up like a tim burton character and ofc all the lil details with the wrinkles and bows and such. You're a great artist! :D ❤️❤️❤️

2023 sucked ass BUT this fandom and all you lovely creative ppl made it so much more bearable. May this coming year be kinder to us all ❤️

#Answer tag #Metaltea Talks #emocatkeith #suggestive #tw suggestive #nsft #tw nsft #*gives keith a sack filled with various potion bottles*

[schoolbusgraveyard]

last question of the day... (I still appreciate you taking the time to answer, sorry if I'm bothering you too much)

How would everyone react if Ashlyn suddenly broke down emotionally in front of them? (you know... start crying desperately or let your emotions flow, we only saw her do that with her father, but... what about the others who she sees as her friends? they've only seen her angry or frustrated, but They have never seen her cry...)

(I insist again, thank you for taking the time to respond... Have a nice day)

Oh, trust me--there's no way you could bother me at all, I promise! I physically can't stop talking about SBG so this kind of thing is super fun to me. It's super fun.

Like you've said, we've seen her have a meltdown (when she was going off about the change of plans/Taylor, Logan, and Tyler saying they were second-guessing the plan to get the jeep and go back to Savannah), but never really cry or be upset in other ways.

Gonna put this under a readmore since this is a little bit longer!

Aiden: I think his priority would be to try and comfort her. Hug. Bump his shoulder against hers and sit like that for a little bit while she lets it out. Pull her into a hug. Anything that she didn't move away from or push him away with. He's big on physical comfort and affection, but he's not really sure how to comfort her in terms of what to say or do--he wasn't around a lot of people growing up. I think he would also try to keep his voice low while talking to her when she's upset/bawling her eyes out. I think he would hold her as tightly and closely as he could until it all passed and she felt better.

Ben: I think he would be so, so confused and not sure about what to do at all. I think he would prioritize sitting with her and listening, but like Aiden, not be sure about what to say. I think he would sit close to her, offer her a bottle of water or a snack, asked what she needed, and then when she kind of settled, write or type up a "What can I do for you right now?" message/ask what happened.

Tyler: I think that he would freeze up, actually, if she started crying her eyes out in front of him. He's responded to her "moping", but he's never seen her breakdown and actually cry. He's used to seeing his mother or his sister cry, not one of his friends--and definitely not her, of all people. Once the initial freeze passed, though, I think he would silently get her a cold rag/tissues/something weighted/water and offer it to her and just let her cry it out while he sat with her and listened to what she had to say. After she calmed down/after she was a little more okay, I think he would kind of bully her (not in a mean way), though, in a similar way to how he called her "carrot-top" when she was distressed about what had happened to him. I don't think he would tell her to stop moping in a case like this, though--I think he would just try to use the teasing as a way to make her feel even somewhat normal again. Especially if she apologized for or seemed embarrassed about breaking down in front of him, he would just "what do you think you're apologizing for? having feelings? wow, you expressed a human emotion, something nobody should ever do" sarcastically.

Taylor: If they were at someone's house (let's say Ashlyn's, just Taylor and Ash alone for a minute), I think she would grab the nearest blanket and bundle Ashlyn up, and from there, I think she would listen to what Ashlyn had to say, and then try to find the most comforting/reassuring words to respond with. She seems to have a bit of a knack for that at times, it's honestly probably a skill she picked up after watching what her mother grieve a lot. I think she would keep her voice soft, and even if she were also upset, try to keep her voice steady.

Logan: I think he would quietly sit with her and hold her hand, if she were alright with it in the moment. He would tell her that everything's going to be alright, that he's there for her--and if she needs or wants it, everyone else would be, too. I think he would probably get a little overwhelmed by her feelings, maybe almost start to cry himself, but try his best to reassure her in the moment.

#answered #I hope you have a good day too!! Ty for all of the asks <: They've been fun #ashlyn #aiden #tyler #taylor #ben #logan #situations

[girlbob-boypants]

still in the midst of it but I'd love to hear your thoughts on the stupid nanamo shit if you feel like expanding on it

GOD. GOD!!

Okay this is gonna go under a readmore but holy fuck that entire questline really highlights everything I fucking HATE about StB and Ul'Dah

FUCK that Godfrey guy for bragging that he's a good person for EXTORTING REFUGEES because it gave them jobs and earned him money

AND THEN THE GAME SAYS SHE LEARNED THE RIGHT LESSON AND I GET TO SIT THERE AND WATCH A WHITE #GIRLBOSS WORK WITH ANOTHER CAPITALIST TO EXTORT A NATION RECOVERING FROM AN OCCUPATION SHE BENEFITED FROM BECAUSE OF THE RRFUGEE LABOR

At least when Gridania is like "well our religion says we can't even provide medicine to outsiders" they're ACTUALLY treated like that's bad by the game!!!

And this just. AGHHHHHH. the fact that you spend all this nonsense time following her around and get to have no opinion?? Like at this fucking point in the story we could've just had Alphinaud BUY the salt harvesting gear AND establish trade routes with Ishgard who would desperately need salt for food preservation given how fucked their life is by eternal salt. But noooooo. We have to watch a child shaped national leader learn she can help Jeff Bezos get richer by putting a group of oppressed people in a position where they have to give up a portion of their work forever if they want to ever recover.

At least Alphinaud was there to make sure the contract wasn't extortionate. Something Nanamo didn't care about because her entire goal was to prove she could take care of herself. The fact that she openly extorted her alleged best friend's people and didn't even check to make sure that guy wasn't going to make the contract fucked up is so???

I wish I did poison her actually. Then I'll blender the entire council of rich fucks after. Bahamut nuke.

ALSO THE FACT THAT THIS IS ACTUALLY RAUBAHN'S STORY BUT IT FOCUSES ON A WHITE WOMAN LEARNING TO EXTORT PEOPLE TO PROVE SHE CAN BE SELF SUFFICIENT JUST SO THEY CAN PUT HIM IN THE ROLE OF CITY STATE LEADER AKA SIDE CHARACTER WHO ONLY SHOWS UP DURING SCENES TO BE REALLY BORING AND GO "You have my support" OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

Welcome to Stormblood where the people who should matter and get character arcs don't but we'll sure as fuck make sure Fordola, Lyse, and FUCKING NANAMO are all treated as sympathetic characters you want to see succeed.

#girlbob.txt #i hate this entire expac so much you have no idea it fills me with rage

[bluest-planet]

Wasn't gonna tag this originally, but if you follow me for my current chaiflower atsv fic, although it has nothing to do with it, being on the tag for atsv on AO3 has really made some things apparent to me.

Specifically how the fandom, and the fic writers on ao3 writes for the characters and their subject matter.

Now, dark fic and taboo subjects in fanfic isn't a new thing and it's never going to go away. Which is a good thing, bc the second we demonize and try to censor that kind of stuff, is the second we loose a lot of the kinds of stories we can tell.

Writing is a medium for humans to experience something with no stakes. Be it dangerous or just a good time, it helps us explore our thoughts, and feelings of scenarios we might never have to face but prepare us, or have already had to deal with and help us deal with those scenarios.

I'm also not gonna police anyone and tell em what you can and can't write fanfic about. Do whatever the hell you want, and make sure to tag your shit appropriately, it's a common courtesy and it's a bad thing to not do because even if you don't face any repercussions for it; do you really want to be the one people avoid because of a bad rep?

Moving on, let me just preference; I am an aroace person. I am also Mexican/Salvi. I think Miguel is cool complex antagonist and I'll admit he does have a sculpted ass lol. He's cool and conventionally attractive, with a neat personality people can mess around with. I get why there's a thirst for him.

But I think we should acknowledge how... He's treated by the fandom. Especially during that first week of spiderverse coming out. I don't mind smut, I just ignore it and move on with my day if smth doesn't appeal to me. But when you don't put fics under readmores, or put in tags so it's seen by everyone ur gonna have to deal with people skimming or having a base understanding of what kind of smut n stuff you're writing.

I'm not kinkshaming or anything, you do you, but it quite frankly has made me (and maybe a few others I've seen but don't quote me on that I only speak for myself.) Uncomfortable with this 'Latine Lover' trope people have stapled onto Miguel. I can imagine it's worse for his comic fans, but sometimes people really do be out here writing wish fulfillment smut fics where they're plastering their, kinda racist stereotypes and fantasies onto this Mexican character. If that was it tho? I wouldn't be making this. Because I know that eventually it would die down as time passes and we'd all move on.

Then came the flowerfang/MilesxMiguel (or any other of the spider teens) fics.

Look, again. Dark fic is a part of fandom whether you like it or not, it's up to your personal decision whether or not to engage with it. I don't. But I do think some people should be self reflecting and analyzing why these are being written at the high rate that they are and if you enjoy them or get something out of it is fine, but just be aware and critical of what you're reading and not let it cloud judgement or the actual characters' movie portrayals. It's so easy to let fannon dictate how you view characters, which are often dumbed down and stripped of their original identities for instant gratification.

When these characterizations become wildly accepted, it's often not an issue because people don't have to read it or engage with it in their own little corners. However it ends up highlighting the racism prevent in these spaces. Because to me, it feels like a lot of this is coming from white or young fic writers (although that maybe might not be the case, but I'm trusting my gut here. No shade to young writes either lol I'm close in age w the spider kids) Doing what they want with these amazing black and brown characters and low-key ruining the fun for non white fans, specifically Black and Brown fans.

Fandom is only a safe space and escapism for white fans, and anyone else is forced to carve out their own space and safeguard it from these racist depictions.

When Miguel is not being painted as a 'Latine Lover', he's a predator, or a violent monster, hypersexual Mexican man, or a creep, or someone who's unreasonably angry worthy of no redemption. It makes him so terribly black and white, and while he may be a dark gray that doesn't negate the fact his complexity is being washed away so these writers can have a clear villain who fits this view of violent Latino men hurting women, and kids.

And while I still have this view of a cool antagonist, and can block tags for my own safe experience, that doesn't fix the fact that his character is going through this fanonization with an abundance of dark fic will change perception. Things don't just disappear if they're outta sight. It's still there. With an oppressive force and sour after taste to see how bastardized he's becoming to a majority of what fics are being created and setting precedent for.

Same goes for Miles; saved by the fact he's a young, smart, skinny kid and the protag. But that doesn't spare him from his own fanonization as this meek, weak, soft, baby, cryboy who needs to be comforted or face the worst trauma ever in order to get some trauma porn/wump outta him bc that's all he can be used for apparently. Instead of the confident, heroic, creative, outgoing and friendly kid who sticks up for what's right. I can't speak for black fans and how they feel about this characterization of him. But as a latine fan?

Miles is amazing. He's funny and cool, he's young and talented, and he doesn't take anything from anybody because he's been taught right. I may not be Puerto Rican but Miles is just.... Such a good representation for other latines. So to see him be striped of these traits a lot of the time for others that have been exaggerated; clumsiness, awkwardness, emotional availability, sweet, and caring attitude taken too far it's bad.

Part of it is the racism. People see this dark skinned boy and babyfy him to make him less complex, take away the sharp edges for something soft and malleable, something more digestible and able to process for their own needs. And another part of it is;

Writing is hard.

Believe me! I'm a fic writer! It takes me a long time to write, I edit, and I go back to add or take stuff out, I rewatch or reread whatever I need to make sure I'm doing my best with these characters and somehow try not to fumble the bag with my own scenes and how I interpret their character and relationships to tell a good story to my standards.

And sometimes I still get it wrong!

Which is totally normal! Hell! You don't have to even do all that, fic writing should be fun. You wanna write that chatfic, dark fic, one shot, smutfic, fix-it? Do it! Find your creative drive and do something with it! You get better the more you try!

Sometimes people write and don't realize what they're doing. They're doing it for fun and maybe don't consider some of these problematic traits they're writing. Or they don't know how to approach the character, dumb em down so they can start easy at first, and then get comfortable writing like that instead of slowly getting better with time bc it's for fun.

I take the steps because I want to make something accurate and introspective, not everyone is like that. Even I like wild fun chatfics or crack fics once n a while to shut off my brain.

But you're gonna have to learn that not everyone is gonna like what you write. That if properly representing the characters is what you want, you take that time to put all the love and care into that writing. Putting in that extra work does wonders, and it makes you a better writer! And it creates a good space for others to feel welcomed into!

I didn't even get to how Pavitr Prabhakar is also woobified most often than not, or how discarded his girlfriend Gayatri is in favour of gay shipping (although she doesn't have much screentime, and his ships aren't with white characters so I get why it happens.), Or all the drama I didn't even know about till recently around Punkflower, and Hobie's character. But I'm getting tried so let's wrap this up;

Fandom is gonna fanon. Yes we are responsible for our own experiences and what fan content we engage in, but that doesn't mean we should also turn a blind eye to racism, problematic tropes, or bad characterization. Just because it outta site doesn't mean it's outta mind, and doesn't effect others. I'm not saying harass these creators, no. They are people and at the end of the day they're not hurting anyone and just creating like you are. Leave them be.

But what I am saying is that you have to be the change you wanna see in fandom. As cheesy as that is. You gotta create and encourage the people you do like and enjoy the works of, and foster a fandom that does more than take the easy route. With time we might just win out the bad white fanon.

Or maybe not.

But at least we tried, and we made our point.

(and for the folks who do struggle or participate in these racist tropes or portrayals and fanonized characters and realize their mistake or want to do better; I encourage you to take a step back, rewatch the movie of you can and really study the story and characters. If not? Then listen or read the posts of black and brown fans. We're not all right, and some even have bad takes, but try to broaden your circle. It'll help you make your writing better. I'm not mad, I don't hate these writers. They have their own amazing moments and fics it's great! They're not villains, they're just people doing what they think is fun. They just need a push in the right direction sometimes.)

#atsv #across the spiderverse #atsv fanfiction #atsv fandom #blue speaks #long post #do not send me hate or try to argue with me. this was just my 2 cents and im going back to my hole. #say your peace in the replies and nothing else no rb on this one #this was wordvomit and not planned so again. don't come at me these are just my observations. #hope this doesn't come off as antagonistic bc its not supposed to be its just a warning #telling people to put more thought into their fandom and creative spaces and be critical (not in a mean way) #i am not going to fight with you. and i do not intended this as a call out or an attack on the people who do this #this is supposed to be a learning experience for all of us #thank you and goodnight #i WILL delete this if people come at me and refuse to interacd again w the fandom if they do #i can live blissfully in peace w/o caring about fandom drama #do NOT call anyone out in the replies either i will delete the post eother u guys are not attacking each other either #if i have anything to say about it on my post.

[azuremliam]

Welp- made this blog to pretty much info dump lore about my ocs and the AU they exist in so here goes! Under a readmore cause yeah its gonna be a lot.

This here is Liam with their two wasp moms (based off a Warrior Wasp and (once I remembered the correct species) a Emerald Cockroach Wasp) Vera and Gemma.

They found them in a torn into (ripped apart by a kajiu sized lizard that ate all but one human- aka a 10 yr old Liam) underground bunker that humans made as a last resort after their version of the apocalypse turned all the reptiles, amphibians, and birds into gigantic, very hungry, monstrosities. Mammals remained pretty much normal.

Whereas most arthropods became more humanoid (they mutated human like lungs!) and human sized! Plants also became ridiculously massive.

There's still the usual places like Ice Kingdom, Candy Kingdom (which doesn't get along with certain bugs), ect but they look different from the usual. The other usual characters also exist!

Anyways, Wasp moms also find a beetle egg scattered among the wreckage and adopt that as well, it eventually hatching into baby grub Jake. It takes a while for insect eggs to hatch in their world compared to the quick hatching eggs on regular Earth. Their mutation also makes them live waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay longer!

Jake finally hatches when Liam was 20, and pupates into his beetle body when they were 25. And then 5 years later is the time around their moms found an abandoned baby Finn! (Vera, Gemma and Liam are pretty much the equivalent of Joshua, Margaret and Jermaine but also very different from them)

Liam's put in charge of taking care of the two when they're 30 and also are tasked with being apart of a scouting group. Jake and Finn insisted on going with their older sibling despite the dismay of their moms. Cause they need to find a new suitable home after yet another giant creature damages the "city"/hive that they all lived in while the others collect what was left of their homes to relocate.

Little Trivia time™

Liam dyes their hair with unique plants that grew around their original city hive! Their hair goes back to the brown coloration after a really long while.

Their world's apocalypse was an sudden explosion of golden light erupting from the Earth during the war. The area of the massive crater was is now a slowly solidifying sea of gold. The gigantic creatures congregate near its shores.

Jake's original beetle family is still alive somewhere out in the world.

Liam and (some of) Jake's family were devoured by the same lizard that favors the taste of humans.

Almost all the gigantic monstrosities have golden eyes.

Liam's soul is strange and wasn't supposed to be reincarnated as a human if at all.

This oddity cause them to be a cosmic candidate.

#adventure time #adventure time oc #ocs #liam #finn #jake #vera #insects #bugs #Bug World AU