#i understand i was having a psychotic episode but i didn’t need to do all that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

darlinboypresley · 2 years

Text

lotta true crime

pairing: serialkiller!austin x reader

summary: serial killer Austin kidnaps reader who has a podcast about true crime with her friends cus she saw something she shouldn't

trigger warnings: mentions of murder and well death kidnapping Stockholm syndrome.. mentions of various serial killers talk of blood and knifes psychotic thinking... and smut in the next chapters last but not least my shitty writing

authors note: AAAH HALLOWEEN KICK OF HERE WE GOOOO it's spooky month so here is serial killer Austin on the way to make you all swoon. hehe hehe please i swear i'm sane and honestly if you cant handle this subject please leave it and don't pay anymind to it

special tag: @asshlyyyyy

Part 2 here

It was currently 3 am in down town LA and Austin was out looking for another victim. He couldn’t help it he never understood what was wrong with him and after a while he stopped caring he liked who he was. Even if that meant he hurt people it made him feel some type of way….

He knew it was bad and that he shouldn’t feel that way but he does and that damn podcast wasn’t helping one singular bit. He didn’t care about her friends he would’ve killed all of them in an instant if they were ever to cross pads but her….

It was all about her. He put on the latest episode of your podcast. It usually started with your friends bitching about men like bundy….. or Ramirez…. But you… you seemed to understand him. He sighed as he heard your friend speak up again

“I mean I hope this doesn’t seem to impolite but Ted Bundy was just never that fucking bright he was just sorta charismatic and white and he was so fucking sure he had the right but he’s ugly and I’m glad he’s dead because there was no fucking candle in his pumpkin he wasn’t special for winning his game with women who never even played they could’ve have killed him.” Her annoying voice ran trough his air pods…

and then you spoke up “well I mean I’m sure it went deeper than that I’m sure there is a more psychological reason your missing here… he had a pattern and I-“. You were cut off again by your other friend.

“There’s a new killer in town…” she said as Austin looked up from his phone a bit surprise… could it be “they call him the butler killer or something he prints out anything bad his victims do.. and then he sighs it “butler” that’s all that’s it…* she said and Austin smirked ever so lightly to himself.. they were talking about him he waited for your response kinda nervous as if your opinion really meant something to him.

“Hm… butler killer” you hummed and he smirked to himself. He never met you but he just felt connected as if you knew what he was thinking the whole time and then he heard you speak up again.

“Hm so he kills people who like kill or hurt others… there’s gotta be some good childhood trauma for that..but he isn’t big enough to talk about in the media … yet interesting “ you said and Austin smiled proudly to himself. He was proud of you, you were his clever girl even tho you don’t know that yet.

If you were thinking in theorie which he knew you did you’d probably be on your phone googling what ever you could find about him. Your friend her annoying voice ran through his headphones again as he let out a low groan.

She just needed to run her mouth again as always if she wasn’t careful enough she might get herself killed one of these days…. “So what does this guy do? Does he kill butlers” she laughed that annoying laugh.

He heard You sigh softly and speak up again “no amber this article says that the killer leaves business cards at the crime scene with the name butler on it and the sin of his victims on the back of the card, police hasn’t found any other evidence at the crime scene whatsoever” you read to them ever so effortlessly from your phone.

As Austin smiles proudly to him self of-course his little bunny wouldn’t disappoint.. and of course he wouldn’t be stupid enough to be leaving evidence behind you see. That’s one thing he didn’t have in-common with other serial killers whatsoever his work didn’t get sloppy. He always made sure to wear gloves and hide his face.

The sound of your voice died out for a bit as your friends went on and on.. until you spoke up again “he uses a knife.. “

you said “there have been no signs of gun powder and no one ever heard a bang so my theory is that he uses a knife to avoid brains flying around… or any organs seeing that’d leave a bigger mess than a knife he likes to prevent the mess from happening he’s a clean killer.. also his name… maybe it’s not about who he kills he kills people who sinned here cheating wife… fraud ect ect I don’t think he’s a butler tho maybe maybe it had something to do with his name” you said.

He smirked at him self that was his clever girl he agreed with your theorie about the knife seeing ge never used a gun because of how loud it would get and it’s more traceable Austin liked working clean. He wasn’t like others he had feelings he knew how to feel hurt and sad and angry.

But what about Happy….. in full honesty he hadn’t been happy in a while… it had been a long long while since he had been happy.

And the theorie about his name was even more brilliant. You did your research he’d give you that much. He leaned back in his car seat putting his feed upon the dash board. As he listened to your voice once again.

“It almost seems like… like he’s following the 10 commandments honor your father and mother his first victims were two teens who set up their parents for their money and then his second victim was a neighbor who gave a false testimony against another neighbor…. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor and here… cheating wife found dead while lover was still inside her … thy shall not commit adultery… and the most resent one was a man who stole billions from the company he worked for… thou shalt not steal” you said as your friends spoke again.

He was kinda dumbstruck honestly it was like you knew all of his moves all his thoughts that’s why you were his bunny you understood him… if he wouldn’t know better you’d be a killer yourself.

But he knew nothing more than your name and that you went too the same college.. he spoke in your criminology class a view times your professor mentioned your podcast. That’s how he found his bunny but you wouldn’t remember him for the life of you. And he knew that

At around 4:00 o’clock the podcast ended and that’s when Austin spot his next victim a boy about 19 years old who killed a little girl in a hit and run… thy shall not murder so it was Austin his time to make him pay. Little did he know you were walking home.

You walked through the alley way he was in just about to finish it he took his mask of. As you approach them your blood ran cold.

Austin looked up quickly and cursed to himself before you could let out a scream he grabbed your waist and pulled you. Around the corner his hand covering your moth and the tip of his knife. Pointing into your stomach with a bit of pressure

“Wouldn’t scream if I were you little bunny.” He whispered in your ear. And the last thing you felt was a hit to the head and then everything turned black

But little did he know that one night would change his whole life…

this is halloween everybody make a scene

part one out of 5 of lotta true crime let me know what you guys think

love j xxx

#austin butler #x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler x reader #elvis movie #austin butler fanfiction #elvis 2022 #austin butler elvis #austinbutler!elvisxreader #elvis presley #austin butler smut #austin!elvis #austin!elvis x reader #austin!elvis smut #halloween #serial killer austin

426 notes · View notes

bozoswozo · 2 months

Text

Just finished rewatching Death Note, and though it’s completely for my personal pleasure and I would doubt if anyone would read it from start to finish, it’s rant time! *spoilers alert*

First of all, woah. The second watch was truly an experience. Everyone is always talking about ‘I wish I could rewatch … for the first time again.’ and though I’d usually agree, I don’t for Death Note specifically. I don’t really understand why, but in my second watch had a way bigger impact on me than my first. Maybe because I watched it for the first time 4 years ago and I’ve grown now, with different opinions.

ONE THING THAT DIDN’T CHANGE IS MY DISLIKE TOWARDS LIGHT‼️

This being said, the ending where he tried to run away from the police, wounded, made me feel kind of sad for him. He wanted to do good, sure. But after all, anyone who uses bad to solve bad is as bad as the bad they’re trying to solve. Evil cannot be used to fight evil :P

I understand his point of view (somewhat) but I still dislike him. How are you going to watch this man commit genocide, lead his father to his death and feel no remorse, consider killing his sister to save himself (again, no remorse), lead on the angel that is Misa in a cruel way, kill L and Mello (their deaths are enough for me to dislike him but I needed to give more reasons :3) etc etc and still root for him?

Again, no shade to Light lovers. To each their own :P.

Moving on. When I first watched Dn, I was only attached to L. And so, seeing him get killed off and be replaced by Near sparked in me a deep hatred towards that boy. But maturing is realising that Near is the third best character in the show (Right after L and Mello) and that he’s a cutie pie.

And he’s also extremely smart. Correct me if I’m wrong but before L died, he mentionned that if something were to happen to Watari, that he’d erase all the data. That means that Near had none of the informations that L had collected during his investigation.

That also means that he was able to conduct those researches by

1. Not having Light around to examine his attitude or lock him up illegaly

2. No knowledge of what had happened before L’s death

3. He was nowhere near as experienced as L when it came to solving cases (I think…)

He still was able to arrive to the same conclusion as L though, as he mentioned, it wouldn’t have been possible without Mello :)

I also happened to think about Ryuk a lot more and I think he’s the funniest character. My guy dropped his notebook into the human world because he was bored and he landed on a boy who wanted to become God of the new world. And he just went along with it, giggling every now and then. We never truly got a glimpse of his internal monologue, so we don’t know if he agreed with Light or not.

One thing we know, though, is that he sure was amused…

Light is almost as funny. Think about it. If you got a notebook that could kill people, you’d probably get rid of it (I hope so) or AT LEAST ponder on what you would do with it, or if you’d even use it. If you’re a sane human being, your first instinct would be to ‘No way! I could never kill anyone!’.

But Light wasted no time. In only one episode he went from a privileged, smart man to an absolute deranged killer, and that’s hilarious. He didn’t even think about it twice. It’s like he just had a psychotic side to him that just had to wait for the perfect moment to be released.

Also, I knew Matt didn’t have much screen time. But when I rewatched it I noticed that he really DID NOT HAVE ANY! Like they barely add up to thrirty seconds and that sucks cuz he was so cool.

Speaking of cool, MELLO!

He’s so cool like everything about him, his hair his scar HIS STYLE, his aura EVERYTHING. AND I feel like we tend to forget that he is SMART! Like he is smart enough to have been considered a good successor to L and thats crazy to me. It’s sad we didn’t get to fully experience his smartness though.

Same goes for Near. Though it is stated somewhere (I don’t remember where) that he is a little bit smarter than L (but L has a lot more experience, something that cannot be overlooked), I feel like most of the conclusions he’s made appeared from thin air. Did I just not pay attention?

Because at least with L we could see his train of thoughts, his way of thinking and we understood why he came to all those conclusions and decisions.

But with Near it just feels…rushed. (or maybe I js didn’t pay attention…) Like wdym you found that out…It feels like he was more guessing than discovering. Kinda sucks bc he is allegedly smarter than L and I would’ve loved to see it more.

Anyway,

I finished ranting. If you’ve read all this then woah pls get a life (in a nice way <3) .

Death Note amazing anime, amazing openings, amazing aesthetic, amazing characters, AMAZING EVERYTHING‼️

22 notes · View notes

antoinetriplettsupremacy · 1 year

Text

i don’t care if i lose followers over this. i could really care less about how many ppl follow me on this app, it’s tiktok that i care about so i’m gonna say this here instead of there.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING!! THIS MAKES ME PHYSICALLY SICK TO MY STOMACH. and the fact that it was posted by one of my favorite mutuals makes it so much worse

For context, let me explain. Fitz kidnapped, drugged, and cut into daisy without her consent, basically violating her completely and could’ve possibly paralyzed or killed her. fitz spurted out some horrible nazi talk and then said -when he was not going trough a psychotic break- that he would do it all again and he doesn’t regret a thing. and let me add this, it is CANON that there is a remote that can TURN IT ON OR OFF AT WILL!! if now i haven’t rewatched season 5 in awhile because the way they treat daisy makes my blood boil but i’ve been reading a lot so i know a lot and all of this is so so wrong.

this is unbelievable. she was terrified of her powers and then he just decided that he needed her powers so just took them without asking her. yes it was out of his control and i understand that but even when he was back in control episodes later he said he would still do it!!! and when did she do something similar? when she was mind controlled by a parasitic inhuman who controlled her actions which she deeply regretted afterwards and had her consent violated as well. and some people may say, “maria doesn’t that sound like what happened to fitz” yes it’s very similar but fitz never regretted his action. he wasn’t controlled, this was the thoughts that were already in his mind coming to the surface and he just didn’t care to hide them after his break. daisy on the other hand was controlled by someone and had these thoughts placed into her mind and deeply regretted them afterwards and still regrets them. hers traumatized her and his was a excuse. and if you’re talking about when she left in season 4 and he got butthurt that she left. she was traumatized, depressed, and extremely suicidal after having her consent violated and the love of her life -at the time- sacrifice himself for her when she wanted herself to die. she needed to get away and find herself again and she was not okay and he just said that she left because she didn’t care. i am so unbelievably pissed off. i can write essays on this but i’m gonna end this here before i write 5 more paragraphs. if you don’t support this then you can unfollow me or i can find the block button and do it myself.

#this is not proofread because it was written quickly and in red hot anger so…#if there are any mistakes that’s why #agents of shield #daisy johnson #leo fitz #anti leo fitz #anti leopold fitz #daisy johnson deserves so much better

59 notes · View notes

schizopositivity · 1 year

Note

are there any resources you can share about caring for a loved one who may be going through a psychotic episode?

my little sister (21) is going through something that looks like an episode, but we don’t know for sure since she hasn’t had one before. my parents convinced her to see a psychiatrist, but because she *seems* okay until she starts laughing uncontrollably or doesn’t know where she is or thinks her body is horribly deformed, the first appointment didn’t really go well (as in, my dad didn’t bother talking to the psychiatrist himself and let my sister go to the appointment herself). i haven’t seen her recently, but i have spoken to her and she doesn’t seem like herself.

i’ve found sources about how to help someone with active delusions/hallucinations, but nothing much on care when they are rambling nonsense words or when they *seem* fine but then get set off and start ranting/screaming at others (sometimes obvious triggers, sometimes completely unfounded from an outsider perspective).

i struggle with my own mental health, and bipolar disorder and schizophrenia run in our family. i’m mostly concerned about providing informed care for my visit (she cannot be left alone according the psychiatrist so i will be sleeping in the same room with her).

any advice would be helpful and greatly appreciated <3

I think encouraging her to get regular psychiatric care is the best option. There is only so much you can do as a nonprofessional. For most people who suffer from psychosis, the most impactful and effective treatments are prescription medications and therapy. And those are two things you cannot provide yourself. I'm sure you and your family are aware of this, but if she struggles to open up or tell the truth or even just remember her actions to tell to her psychiatrist, it might be very helpful if you or another one of your family members schedules an appointment with her psychiatrist so that you can tell them things from your perspective.

For trying to help you sister at home, I think just being there for her, to listen, to watch out for, and to be nonjudgmental of her will go a long way. Try to make her comfortable, try to eliminate any known triggers that you can. Try to let her know you are there for her and you will keep her safe. Start an open honest dialogue with her. Ask her if she is aware of her actions, how she feels at the time, if you could do anything to help during those times. Maybe she can tell it's coming before it happens and she can notify you. Maybe she isn't aware at all and would like you to let her know what she did.

Every psychotic person's experiences and needs are different. While general articles and guides can be a helpful start, it's also important to communicate with the person you are caring for and ask them what would be helpful to them specifically. The best time to set up crisis plans, coping skills and other forms of care is when the person is doing well or is at their baseline. So when your sister is not in an episode would be the best time to have these conversations and set up these plans to help.

Also, even though you might not understand what your sister is going through, you can find parts to understand, and go from your own understanding of what might help. For example: a common feeling during psychosis is fear and/or confusion. You could think about times when you are afraid and confused and think about what things might help during those times (like assuring safety, explaining things, etc).

I'm sorry I took so long to reply, I had stuff going on that kinda kept me from doing this. If anything in this situation has since changed feel free to send me another ask and I can try to give some insight into things as they are currently. Or even if you just want to update how things are I'd be happy to hear it.

#psychosis #psychotic episode #caring for someone with psychosis #loved one with psychosis #answered

21 notes · View notes

octou-sin · 6 months

Text

Something I hate.

The attraction to goth girls, manic pixie dream girls, or tóxica/latinas from a hetero male perspective.

When I first met my boyfriend and was around his down bad guy friends they would obsess over tóxicas or goth girls. Making jokes about wanting to date “them mentally ill girls”, and I am just that. I am hispanic, I dress in dark gothic clothes time-to-time, and I have BPD and schizophrenia. So, I am labeled into these categories by hetero white men. Some of these men are roommates of mine, but they don’t understand that these labels and diagnostics aren’t just for quirks. I have psychotic episodes, I have breakdowns, I have scary moments I don’t always remember, but I don’t hurt people.

After my roommates had a clear view of how my mental illnesses affect me, they viewed me completely differently. People who I once was able to hang out with and have pleasant interactions with is no longer there. As well, they now go out their way to annoy me since we have not spoken in months due to one of my outbreaks. I don’t understand why they would if they fear me in the first place, and do things which are obviously irritable. These are the same type of people wanting these type of women, but they don’t understand them. The reason I hate this so much is because I will be admired, or fetishized, but I am not one that someone will commit to. I’ve currently have had a boyfriend for two years and the only reason I believe we have stayed together is because he was aware of my issues and didn’t fantasize about them, and about abusing those diagnostics against me.

Many other women, or feminine outward appearance people have dealt in the past with men who think trauma can be used to manipulate, and abuse their partners. Many others like me have dealt with loving a person who sees you only as an object. Others like me have had those issues weaponized against them, like in; threats to institutionalize, threats of violence, psychical violence, sexual abuse, and many more issues like these.

These labels do AND don’t define us. I enjoy many hobbies, I am very well versed and educated in topics I am passionate about. I am not a person who is mostly bubbly then switches towards self harm. I do not act allistic, and I don’t act like a 1940s cartoon esc character who needs a lobotomy. Mentally i’ll partners are not accessories to your life. Mentally i’ll people are mentally i’ll for a reason, even with thorough treatment for cognitive issues, it doesn’t resolve episodes, and if someone is aware that their partner has severe diagnosis it isn’t just a label, it is a big part of understanding who someone is. If you leave someone after they told you their issues and they finally come to light, and then you leave them, you are fetishizing characters you deem as weak, until they show that they are not.

Sorry if this is all over the place.

#rant #mental health #BPD #schizophrenia

8 notes · View notes

ibrahimnerde · 2 years

Note

Hi! I was wondering about your opinion of Gulfem Hatun? I know she’s supposed to be a center, the just person in the harem but the writers seem to be indecisive about that.

I believe the writers probably wanted to do more with Gulfem hatun but kinda ran out for ideas? Or couldn’t insert those ideas within the plot because she gets less important to the story, which is such a shame I wished they utilized her more.

Gulfem is definitely a case of her own, while everyone is fighting for what they desire, she doesn’t seem to necessarily desire anything for her personal interest. Yeah she wants peace in the harem which is great, but when you compare her needs to like Hurrem , Mahi and Hatice she appears much more selfless and more peaceful which kinda doesn’t fit with the environment and with how the writers created female characters. They all have personal goals and they are all fighting while she is just trying to exist.

Something I personally wished the writers would make is to have Gulfem be neutral when it comes to Mahi and Hurrem or have her support Hurrem to provoke Mahi (like Mahi rooting for the Russian slaves or any concubine just to provoke Hurrem). Like I don’t understand how why were they sooo peaceful with each other from the start, I understand their acceptance in later seasons because well Gulfem got nothing to do about it and she doesn’t have a son either so why create problems yk but in the first episodes I wished they wouldn’t show them as allies , not necessarily hostile towards each other, but at least not friends. I remember Mahi told Hurrem that she won’t make it easy for her like she didn’t make it easy for Gulfem…here a proof that they weren’t lovey dovey to each other so what happened? The writers just throw that they weren’t great before and that’s it, they don’t work on that part or even hint what stopped them from being hostile towards each other.

Later Gulfem would just be Hatice’s bestie, she doesn’t influence Hatice’s decisions positively or negatively she just follows what Hatice does. I wouldn’t say they don’t love each other , no Hatice clearly loves Gulfem, she shows Gulfem her venerability, have her know her psychotic plans and tells her her secrets. Gulfem too she could have just gave up on Hatice but no she stayed , while her presence didn’t make Hatice better in sense of her actions, the fact that Gulfem stayed despite knowing Hatice isn’t mentally stable proves that she cared. Again a missed opportunity they could’ve had Gulfem knock some sense into Hatice head and make her think right, instead they just shoved her in the storyline without having her take part of it.

In SO4 that’s when it gets somewhat interesting, Gulfem switches sides at the end and opened up to Hurrem a bit. Not because I love Hurrem, but because it simply showed a little bit of a personality in Gulfem, while Ik that probably happened because Hurrem was the only one there but still…a change. Gulfem trying to kill SS is the peak of her development, yes she failed and got killed instead but the fact that we saw the little delicate Gulfem who was just a follower trying to kill SS even when many odds are against her (like she is in his chamber) just because she think he is morally fucked up and doesn’t deserve to live , that’s a bold and new move to her. She died but kudos to the girl she tried, I personally think that’s the best ending the writers could’ve provided her , they could’ve just have her die of a natural cause , but it is way more interesting to me to see someone like her take that move knowing so well whether she kills SS or not, she will die either ways.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #gulfem hatun #there was so much that could’ve been done with her #missed opportunity

6 notes · View notes

automatismoateo · 11 months

Text

Religion just killed my little brother. via /r/atheism

Religion just killed my little brother.

On mobile, and i need somewhere to vent, my apologies. My younger brother and I grew up together. He was always strange growing up, but he was smart. He couldn't stand any religion when he was younger. He was mentally, physically, and sexually abused as a child. He couldn't fathom there being a God, because why would a God do those things to a child? Unfortunately, in his late teens, he was diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. Before that point, he and I would smoke weed together and talk about all the many failings of religions and their detriment to society as a whole. After he was diagnosed, he decided to start self medicating using a newer substance, at the time, called kratom. Around the time he was 19, he started really getting delusional. For example, he once tripped on some Salvia and then spent days trying to convince me he had found the secrets of the universe and said, "we're all in stories." I got where he was coming from, having experienced the world folding on itself over and over like pages from a book during my own Salvia trip. But the level of conviction he had and his need for me to understand was scary. When I would tell him it's just his brain's reaction to the drug, he would become irate. He eventually decided to move across the country and marry a girl he met online. They did kratom together, had a baby, and decided to start living out of cars or small motor homes. The kratom was affecting him physically as well as mentally. He became impossible to talk to, like talking to a wall. He eventually jumped on the Trump train due to being an easy target for online misinformation. It was as drastic of a change in mindset as Kanye. He went from being a thoughtful atheist conversationist to a preaching racist "Christian." He finally got some help about two years ago after our dad passed. My brother's wife had left him and taken the child, and slapped him with a no contact order. After my mom decided she could no longer live with him and feel safe. She took him to a clinic, and they convinced him to stay. After a little time and therapy, I had my little bro back, at least somewhat. He dumped the whole being racist and went back to being a liberal. Unfortunately, he never truly got past the "maybe there is a heaven" part. I think it was in large part due to how bad he felt for the way he treated our dad before he passed. I know I blamed myself and fell into a depression, but I was states away when it happened. I can't imagine how bad he felt knowing that he was there staying with him in a full-blown psychotic episode. He started using kratom again and began to fall back into another psychotic episode, only this time his focus was on death. He wanted there to be an afterlife so bad that his mind began creating one for him every night when he would dream. Of course, it was hard for him to sleep due to the kratom. So he would take benadryl, or seroquil, in order to sleep and visit this other world where he could speak to our dad. He even said he saw his daughter there. She's alive, but that didn't matter to him being as how logic was now out the window from the drug use. I spent many phone calls with him telling him that this world could be just as nice as his dreams were. He would go to our mom's apartment and watch The Good Place with her because it was the only show he was willing to sit through... Well, the Monday before last, I was woken up by a call from our mom. My little brother shot himself, and they found his body after the cops broke in to do a wellness check. I found bags of kratom all over his apartment, and I mean everywhere. Maybe I can't fully blame religion because he was mentally ill and on drugs. But I know damn well he wouldn't have done it unless he was positive he was going somewhere better, the place in his dreams. I've talked about the dangers of believing in an afterlife with him a thousand times. I never thought I was actually talking about him. I lost my little brother, and the pain is unimaginable. I've felt like I was living in a fog since my dad passed, I can't even describe what life feels like now. It doesn't feel real anymore. I can't stop crying. His daughter, who asked her mom if she could talk to him just days before it happened, has not seen or spoken to him since she was three. I'm going to make a video of every picture and video of him I have, and give it to her, because i doubt she has any real memories of him left. Unfortunately, he left us with no money for his services. We barely got enough to pay for a cremation through a gofundme that my cousin set up for him. I'm going to set up some kind of college fund for his daughter with what little I have because she deserves something. The fairytale of an afterlife has now taken the one person I spent more time with growing up than anyone else on this planet. Since his diagnosis, I always imagined I would be taking care of him later in life. He trusted me more than anyone in the world, and I feel like I let him down. Life, for me, will never be the same. I loved you, Eric, and I will always miss you!

Submitted June 09, 2023 at 02:33PM by FalseProgress5 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/Y8XM7za)

#reddit

0 notes

television-pil0t · 1 year

Text

Unsurprising I went to the mental hospital. The Carolina Center for Behavioral Health. I stayed 2 almost 3 days.. maybe 3 almost 4 days idk. Idk time blindness is a bitch but whatever. I’m back so I’m gonna talk about it because.. GENUINELY what the fuck.

So I was having a episode odviously. Full out psychotic ass bitch. Voices, believing I was god, thinking there were tall black people in my room (shadow people I just like sounding racist) like the whole nine yards. After I got off I’d tumblr swing “I keep hearing shit” or “seeing shit” or whatever I said I’m not gonna check. I called my friend queenie. She was asleep.. of course. Like no duh it was late.

I’m talking to her and I have her my account so know she knows about my awful bad boy tumblr account but I wanted her to understand what was going on. She dead ass is like “daemon this is really bad. Like your not thinking straight.“ I’m like “whatever whatever I do what I want.” I hang up and sleep like nothing happened.

Next day hits me like a fuckibg truck. I completely convence myself to go to the FUCKING AIR FORCE! LITERALLY LIKE

BRO WHAT LMAO!! I GOT IN CONTACT WITH A FUCKING SARGENT BRO!! AT MY SCHOLL LIKE!! ?!?? So I clearly had no intention of.. preserving my life. I get into a PHYSICAL fight with one of my DEAR FRIENDS and tell him to FUCKING KILL MYSELF. Like.. basically pushing everyone away as fast and aggressively as possible so.. as I told my psychologist ”If I say something or do something so bad then I won’t be tempted to come back to them. And they will hate me to much to come back to me.” 😀? What was I on? Nothing MOTHERFUCKER AND THATS THE PROBLEM.

So after that I go home. I told queenie I was going to the military. She’s like “literally don’t cancel that. Like your not doing that. That’s as never in your plans. Your going so far off the rails rn. What’s up with you. You had a whole plan and you’ve gone so far from what you wanted to do like.. your so creative you can really do something with all this..” blah blah blah saying every true stuff but I was insane so I didn’t care. Hung up. Blocked her in everything. Said fuck her she doesn’t undersand me 🥺 and.. she called the police telling them I need to be taken to the hospital..

LMAO I DID BUT I WAS ODVIOUSLY MAD

THEY HAD EVERYONE OUT THERE BEO. The cops were farther down but they were making sure I didn’t try and kill myself or something so they brought everyone.

So I go to the hospital and I’m out of it at this point I can’t lie I barely remember this shit. Straight up. I don’t remember a lot of this whole.. few months because I’ve been stirring up a episode but like.. I really did good on dissociating the entire thing.

I do remember them giving me apple juice but it was open. I was like “can you.. give me another one I’m not happy that it’s open.” And they were like.. :/ and got me another one but THAT ONE WAS ALSO SLIGHTLY OPEN?! SO I WAS PISSED OFF. Because I was like?? ARE YOU TRYING TO DRUG ME LIKE?? WHY IS IT FUCKING OPEN CUNT?! I eventually just said fuck it and drank it and it did have meds in it because I was knocked out in a matter of a few minutes but like.. if they just told me I’d drink it?! I just don’t like they were like.. hiding it.

So some shit happened. At night they would watch me and I’d be like :/ and they would be like 🤨😦😑🫤 and I be like ☹️🥱😴 and that was that. So then..

This nurse?? Come in. It’s like 8 in the damn morning and I’m tired as fuck and she gives me breakfast and asked if im ok. I’m like “yeah whatever”. She’s like.. “do you know why your here” im say “because im a bad person.” He’s like “can you explain to me how.” I’m like “that would be to long and you have other patience and I’d rather just talk without a time limit.” She looks at me with the most.. “damn.. you right but shit” look I’ve ever seen and then leaves after writing something down on her little tablet.

I stay in the room almost all day. They keep checking in me. I keep responding the same.

So at the end of the day.. bout.??? 9 or 10 idk they didn’t have a clock in there. That nurse came back and sat down in a chair. She was like “would you like the light on” I was like “nah it’s better it adds dramatic effect when it’s dark” I make her laugh at this point I’m like “Hehe I’m in baby!” In where idk but lord knows I was fucking ovulating so nothing I was saying or doing was making since. Thinking with my dick and shit or something idk idk.

So we have a long conversation.

She gives me my phone… and I show her my tumblr..

She looks at me with the most 😐😧😦😬😨😰 look I’ve ever fucking seen. Like bro was SCARED.

She sets my phone down.. DOESN’T TURN IT OFF BTW. And goes “so you think you have aspd. You know you have bpd right.” I was like “very aware.” She was like “well.. I think you have some define characteristics of both.” I just kinda was like thinking ok the worst that could happen is that I stay here for like.. a month if I tell the complete truth. So I go all out. Say fuck it. Tell my whole ass truth because I’d im gonna be here im gone leave with a correct diagnosis and help that I need. I’m like “I feel like I’m constantly in conflict with myself about caring and not caring. Like I know I have abandonment issues but I broke up with my bf out of pure anger and then did shit just to hurt him and I did that to my friend when I got into a fight with him and I did that to my mom when she was still alive.” She as like “do you feel bad?” I was like “I don’t know.” She put her tablet down and it felt like she was just taking to me and not working. I know that’s literally just a ploy. She way probably recording the conversation but it felt nice. “Do you know what it feels like to feel bad about something?” I’m like “I think I remember.” And that goes into my emotional blindness and perception. After a while of not feeling a emotion I forget what it’s like and it feels like I’ve never experienced it before and I tell her that and she’s like “well that sounds like both disorders working together pretty well. Do you ever feel like your fighing against someone else in your head” and I’m like I don’t have DID but.. sometimes sure I do. Because it’s hard to keep both feeling in check. I don’t wanna be reckless but the more I think about something the more in convence myself what I’m doing is right.

So we start talking about people. We talk about the first and I admitted it was a bit irrational (now I know it was very dumb but I wasn’t there yet) and we talk about my mom because I just kept being her up and then she looked at my phone again and asked me how I felt about my ex. I was like “I feel like I did the same thing to him as my friend except I feel like I lost feeling.”

This woman said something that ripped my apart. “Did you lose feelings or did you just not remember them once he hurt you.”

Bro I’m gonna throw up at this point. She goes on because I’m completely silent because I never thought of that but she was completely right. “you wanna feel better than everyone else because that’s how you think you deserve to be treated. Do you treat others like that?” I’m like “yeah I treat all my friends well.” She looks at me and she’s like “do you? Do you treat them and say things you’d like to be said to you? Or do you stop being nice once you realize you can’t control them.” And I’m like “I think I’m nice.. I think I say nice things.” And then I remember again.. she was right. I’m just kinda a asshole. Once I realize I’ve lost someone’s “undying loyalty.” I stop caring for them. Happened with my mom. With Mali once he got a gf I almost completely treated him like a completely different person. Happened with khye. And we didn’t even talk about the “others” until the second day but..

I’m like at a lose. I’m really sad because I realized how bad I fucked up and I start feeling empty and like shit. Idk if it was guilt but.. it all made a lot of since

I felt like I couldn’t feel love for a very long time because I just forgot what it felt like. Not that I want loved by my bf I was. And I loved him. It was just I was having a episode and genuinely couldn’t see it or feel it at the time because sometimes in her words “when your long distance it’s hard to hold someone with your words. You seem to crave that. Even if you don’t want the physical affect do you think he hugged you with his words enough.” And I’m like “I think so. He wrote me letters and gave me gifts” and she as like “ok.. did those make you happy or did they make you feel warm. Did they remind you ‘oh yea this person loves me’ or was it more if just.. this is how I should be treated.” And I was like :( because damn girl this hurts. Your hurting me. She was like “did you stop loving your mom when you realized she didn’t do anything worth loving.” And I was about to fucking kill myself because as much as I saw her struggle.. in my mind the bare minimum was her feeding me and giving me a house and shit. That’s all she COULD do. That’s literally it. She could only do a little bit for me and I didn’t feel love for her when I realized that’s all she could do. That’s.. awful. I feel so fucking bad that I thought like that.. and that I thought like that too late before I could change it and be better. Yes she fucked up. We would fight and argue and she would say some awful shit but she also tried so hard to give me a good life with the best possible education and food on the table as often as she could and the fact that I didn’t see that as enough.. that sucks.

She basically kept going on for about an hour or 2 until I was like.. “damn. I’m tired.” She gave me my meds and I went to bed and the next morning I went out and talked to some people.

Met this guy that was pretty neet. I got called into the office and they talked to me some more this after noon. It was basically just “you have very conflicting mental illness and we’re surprised you haven’t ended it all yet. Here have meds.” Lmao

Fr tho. I have autism, bpd, adhd, and some kinda aspd (not officially diagnosed.. or maybe I am but they gave my paper to my parents and I never saw it.) but they were like “Your listed here as a self centered .. extremely selfish narcissist with paranoia, social anxiety and general psychosis or schizophrenia (like all of it delusions, hallucinations, disorganized, thoughts and behaviors etc I was fucked up yeah I know.)

So paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious psychosis. (Supernatural reference) and I was like :/ damn son where’d you find this.

They gave me some meds to take and the. Kinda watched me for a while.. I have to go back and be watched a few more times cuz ya know but I’m not excited about it.

My meds definitely work. I’m not like.. batshit insane anymore but I still have my symptoms because they didn’t cure me. I still have to go to therapy and shit for a while. I feel bad because my friends fucking hated me for a while because queenie told them what happened and tbh I’m surprised I was even slightly forgiven. I don’t use my mental health as like a “sorry I did that” moment but literally they was no other explanation for what that happened. It was straight up I thought I was god full on insane mode and then basic “your think in a shitty way and that’s not your fault but you still have to work on changing it.” Therapy.

Am I gonna apologize. Yeah. When.. idk. I pissed off so many people I’ve the past couple of days including my parents. They didn’t believe me at first but now they feel really bad for everything and shit.

0 notes

finsterhund · 1 year

Text

Getting my medicine was a nightmare they didn't know what they were doing and it took forever and I had go book another appointment with my doctor anyways even though they faxed my doctor to refill prescriptions before

Stupid I hate it but at least I was at my doctors office so I went in there and didn't have to struggle over the phone so now I have emergency 2 weeks meds until then but it took them forever to get it ready and I am very hungry and tired and want to go back to bed and it's time overdue for Scott's morning wallkies and I still want to kill and maim I am angy want violence.

The bloodwork people want to phase out the accessible way I've been booking my appointments so you have to fucking phone appointment and I fucking hate it people barely understand me talking face to face fuck you. But they still let me do it. So I have them book it six months in advance. Fucking hate how I have to do bloodwork until I die. Fuck.

Hate this. Want to live in the woods but need meds and bloodwork.

Angry. Would stop meds if stopping meds didn't makeceverytjing so much worse. Enemies with everything want to kill but unable to. Meds make me easier to ignore negative stimuli and not be consumed wanting to kill my enemies even though they deserve it I can't do it so all I do is seethe and it's better to ignore it but can't ignore it if not medicine.

My roommate made me spend money so bank is negative can't buy anything until get paid big mad.

Have to have bath and do laundry but I don't want to.

Wish meds were imstant but they are not. Why do they make me do bloodwork before I wake up I booked the next one at a reasonable hour.

Need to go to the vet and get Scott more nexguard butvmy bank is negativrvneed to wait until I get paid again.

When I took Scott for walk the failed delivery Canada post slip was in the mailbox even though they delivered a package to the house before we left I am so mad they just delivered one but not the other.

One week five days on Wednesday also new episode of the bad batch very excited Cody was in the last one I like commander Cody

The cunt who stole my art blocked me when I told him off. They always fucking do that. Deviantart makes it impossible to actually report these shitheads. Just more things pissing me the fuck off.

I want to fly int oa fit of rage. I want to fly into a fit of rage so badly. I want these people everyone involved to suffer.

Psotives I think of positive.s:

Fishy sent me money just now whjen I was writing this. Thank you love you good happy no bank problem. So that is saved

also I am on my meds now so hopefully I will have calm down time eventuallty

I have weed gummy but I have no clue if taking it will calm me down or if I will just became psychotic rage but high on weed gummy.

Scott gave me lots of kisses. He may not be able to be service dog but there are benefits for me rewarding him for Cazza’s commands just to have repetition and familiar comfort routine in my life because he does them sometimes.

most of my enemies are older than me so if I am lucky I will outlive them when they die

retribution will happen eventually

star wars

heart of darkness

crying dog toy with a pocket in the ear

#text post #negative #long post

0 notes

shecouldntbetamed · 1 year

Text

I’m so happy to have all of my proof of how I was FINALLY able to stand up for myself and put my foot down since you kept crossing my boundaries. As I was trying to make you understand what it takes to be a parent, you fought me tooth and nail! The entire relationship you acted like everything that could possibly go wrong had to be because of one of my kids!

They wanted more time with me. Alone. They needed that. They had an entire year with me spending entirely too much time with you and not them. That still wasn’t enough for you. Then you started trying to trade/beg/steal/“borrow” adderall and kratom from me, and it would ALWAYS end in a battle, and you know exactly why. You would go back on your word, because you have never learned what true integrity actually is. You have an evil spirit that lives inside you and he is an amazingly cunning con artist. How you played your game so well…

You had cameras in my house, then you’d dump me and leave me alone, and you’d block me for a few hours. You called my house phone because I’d block you back. You’d keep calling and calling and calling so I’d have to get up and unplug it. One night you called me and said, “You might wanna like leave the house or something because I’m coming over there and I’m gonna kill you”

And I think the most insidious part about the “situationship” (your gut-wrenching term for what you equated your love for me to be) for me is that not only do you turn your actions and my reaction to your sudden, psychotic, abrupt change in personality, it’s downright abusive and you are telling me and everyone else that you are a fucking victim of narcissistic abuse!!!! You turned it all around on me and you’d do it after you and I had plans to do something or we had just been fine and in fact, I found a coincidence in the fact that on the days I would be really happy, and gushing about all the amazing things you do for me, I’d inevitably walk in to work the next day crying because you dumped me.

I started listening to the NPD podcast you say you showed me (yeah, remember that fun fight?) and I learned about BPD from searching something else. I didn’t want to believe you had those qualities or that I could really be dealing with someone so insidiously cold-blooded and calculating. I honestly started to become afraid of you.

Remember that night you were at my house and you were shaking and crying because you had broken up with me (and you always turned it around and you do something so disrespectful that my reaction is normal, like anger)? I was laying in my bed with you and we kept our clothes on and in my head was an episode of Dateline NBC, and it was featuring mom of two, Shawnya Alexander.

Every single time you had an episode you’d emotionally and verbally abuse me in writing and you’d harass me by calling my phone and prank calling me. Everything about how you would act was disrespectful of everything I ever stood for as a woman. You manipulated me from day one and you’re the biggest gaslighted I’ve ever encountered. You cannot possibly tell me you think everyone in my life that knows what you’ve done time and time again only dislike you because I talked trash about you? No! It was all of my reactions to your abuse that they all had to endure and respond to and they formed their opinions of what they know to be my truth.

I am not an actress. I never tried to be even though you lied to some dude at a booth and told him I tried to be an actress when I moved to LA. I’ve never uttered those words in my life, Matt.

I know that this is all just part of your abuse, but if you and I went to court, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be completely backed up by the rest of society.

You made a bunch of sense and it was very easy for me to empathize with your version of reality and your truth, to a small extent. Your reactions to normal, everyday occurrences just went off the deep end. You and I used ti get along and when we did, I would start to feel more connected to you.

You always wanted to add me to things. You used me for an entire year while you didn’t work. You didn’t do shit to find work, either. You overstayed your welcome and my kids got really sick and tired of the way everyone was walking on eggshells in my house. Things kept going missing and you’d blame my kids but they’d show up magically somehow. It’s funny, one of the most bizarre things you would do to fuck with me was take my lighters. You’d hear how many times a lighter would go missing and I would even catch you putting my shit in your pockets. I found my things gone and then in your car all the damn time!

That was a game and I caught ontoright away. You’d do something and then accuse me of doing it. All you’ve done from day one is mirror me. It’s as though you

https://vikingmerman1989.tumblr.com/post/669173541298749440

0 notes

domesticateddog · 2 years

Text

he’s back to wanting us to get jobs and move in together, all is normal for now and yet i STILL don’t know what to do with my emotions. i know they’ll fade with time like i said before but in the meantime... it still happened. i know i should (more or less) let it go, or at least not let everything he did while having an episode (that he cannot control and has very little memory of) affect me, but also keep it in the back of my mind for any possible future episodes so i don’t get as devastated by them. he is gonna see his primary care doctor very soon and ask to be put back on seroquel so that’s a start. but he joked he wasn’t gonna continue with trying to see a new psychiatrist (who was MY psych too actually) and i made it VERY clear that he WILL see her or else i won’t stand for it. i told him he needs to see her bc of everything that happened (which i told him the things he said to me during that time) and he didn’t say anything he just looked at me and then hugged me for a minute. i hope i got through to him. mental illness is so lame.

he’s been having um… low sex drive issues lately and i know the only reason he wants to be back on seroquel is bc it made him extremely horny when he took it in the hospital so hopefully this is a 2 birds with 1 stone kind of thing. also he keeps reading articles stating that studies show antipsychotics/mood stabilizers lessen peoples mental capacity. like babe. having psychotic episodes literally gives you brain damage. NOT being medicated will literally permanently damage your mind. i understand finding the right balance of medications fucking sucks ass (i’ve been on roughly 13 different medications throughout my life I KNOW) and the trial and error is awful but it’s a necessary evil for this kind of illness, unfortunately. i do not want to go through that again.

#i may delete this bc i’m starting to think he’s actually going through my tumblr bc he keeps joking about it and im just blatantly putting #his personal business out there which is admittedly not cool of me. but idk.

0 notes

gothbusterz · 3 years

Text

All the stars in the sky, all the birds in the trees

Jun-Ho came back different, and I’m not sure if he’s ever really coming home. Sometimes, all I can do is hold him and not let go.

Warnings - Mental health issues (PTSD and anxiety), Prescription medications, angsty kind of fluff

Word count - 1.1k

(“my current mental health is is rapidly approaching an ATL ... which is, um... That's an all-time low. Not... Not Atlanta.” I had a depressive episode and just need to be held like this and thus this angsty little number was born.)

I love the quiet mornings. The clouds have gathered and rain threatens to fall, not sure of its own ability. The wind rustles the curtains of our room, light dancing into our shared space in time with the flowing curtains. The light awakens the room, bringing the day to life in slow lashes of illumination.

He sleeps peacefully next to me, the light caressing his fine features as the curtain flows to and fro with the wind outside the single open window. Jun-Ho, such a frightening creature. His violence and deep anger juxtaposed by his position - peaceful, at rest. A man tortured by the things he’s seen and done finally able to forget, even just for those few hours a night.

His bedside table is littered with bottles of different sleeping pills, antidepressants and calmatives - all the different solutions the doctors have tried to help him live in peace. Corpses in pristine black caskets, adorned with a striking pink ribbon. The crematorium, rivalling nazi invention. His mind swims with the memory of his hand in the destruction of mostly innocent people, and slowly, it’s destroying him.

He crinkles his nose as the gentle light lashes his face, beginning to stir him from his deep, peaceful sleep. His head rolls to the side, and his eyes slowly creep open, blinking a few times but not focusing on anything past the first thoughts of the day. He inhales and exhales a deep breath before closing them again, shifting to lay on his back. Jun-Ho’s hand slowly drifts over, his fingers running the soft, cold cotton of the sheets as he searches blindly for my hand. My eyes scan him, memorising the details of his face as if he might slip away. After all, he’s slowly losing himself more and more each day, becoming a nervous, depressed and angry husk of a person; An echo of the man he was.

His features twist and his eyes snap open, as if his brain realised it was time to torture his body. He fumbled for one of the bottles of pills on his nightstand, tipping two into his hand and quickly throwing them back. He sighed, mumbling an apology for waking me up, his arms wrapping around himself as he sat back against the headboard with his knees bent, wishing the anxiety away and waiting for the medication to calm him.

Sitting up, I gently rest my hand on his bent knee, pressing a kiss to his cheek and letting my head fall onto his shoulder. My arms creep around him and I pull his curled up body closer to mine. He leans into me, feeling slightly safer for a moment in my arms. Gently rocking us back and forward, I run my fingers through his dark, silky hair.

This is what people don’t see. They see an angry, short tempered ex-cop. I see an exhausted, scared little boy who’s experienced enough trauma for 2 lifetimes and lost his older brother in the process. His friends, his coworkers - none of them understand him and what he went through in that week he went away. How could he begin to explain it to them? When he finally came home, it took him days to open up. He was silent for 3 days. He didn’t eat at all and slept almost as little. After beginning to process what it was he went through, he made me promise to keep it between us and not to get the police involved, worried I may think he’d had a psychotic break and ran away. If he told them the story he told me, it wouldn’t be hard for someone to have him committed. Men in pink suits and hundreds of people being murdered while playing children’s games. Insanity.

I’m not sure I believe him, but something definitely happened to him. He came back different. He’s scared of everything now and jumps to violence at the slightest sense of danger. He has panic attacks first thing in the morning and last thing before we goes to sleep, the effect the sleeping pills have being his only solace.

No matter if I believe him or not, I love him. I loved him before he left, as a talented young cop with the world at his feet and a smile on his face. I love him now, as a damaged soul, suffering as he tries his best to reclaim what he used to be. Leaving him to suffer alone was never an option for me. I’d move heaven and earth to see him smile. They’re so rare these days.

His body begins to loosen, not realising how tense he’d been holding himself for the past 20 minutes. The medications began to calm his nervous system and he let out a soft sigh. Jun-Ho’s voice is tired and thick with relief as we slowly slide back down into the comfort of our bed. “Thank you… I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you.”

At this point, I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or the pills, but his sad eyes are focused on me so I can only hope. I lean forward, resting my forehead against his as I feel his gentle breathing on my skin. He closes the gap between us and our lips gently melt together. There’s no sense of urgency, the kiss is full of love. I can feel the stress float away from him, leaving him in a moment of calm. When he chooses to spend those precious moments with me, it’s something I could never turn down.

Jun-Ho’s gentle hands trace up and down my arms, leaving goosebumps in their tracks. The same hands he’d used to commit such atrocities as his whilst undercover were now juxtaposed with how carefully he’d always touched me. He had always treated my body like glass - careful and tender - but ever since he got back it seems like he’s even more scared of himself and what he can do. He’s scared of hurting anyone else now that he doesn’t have to.

My hand gently catches his, bringing it to my lips and pressing small kisses to each of his knuckles. I squeeze gently, entangling our fingers together as Jun-Ho shuffles closer, his head coming to rest on my chest. His eyes closed again and a soft sigh left his lips. My arms wrapped around him once more and held him tightly as his breathing became deeper as his mind slowly drifted back into the darkness of dreamless rest.

Even if he never fully recovers from what he went through, and a large part of me doesn’t think he’ll ever come back, I’ll be there. I love him more than all the stars in the sky, more than all the birds in the trees, and there is no force on earth that could stop me from loving him until the day I die.

#jun ho x reader #squid game #hwang jun ho #jun ho imagine #kdrama #wi ha-joon #squid game x reader #squid game imagines #jun ho squid game #kdrama imagine #squid game x you #reader insert #squid game x y/n #squid game netflix #jun ho angst

281 notes · View notes

igglemouse · 2 years

Photo

Episode 6 ~ Next Stage

His cousin, Yoel, had quietly moved the merchandise and the simoleons to the back, there for everyone to see but thankfully, for Alonso’s sake at least, Ines was fast asleep. She would learn eventually the nature of his wealth, that he knew, but he hoped by then she would understand that it was for her benefit now as well. He really did like her, perhaps love her, but that didn’t change who he was.

Yoel: There you go jefe, there it is, all in one piece and we counted every simoleons, counted it twice. All there, as you can see.

Alonso looked it over. Yoel was crazy, psychotic, even, but he was family and he was more than reliable. If Yoel said something was done then it was done. He didn’t really need to count it.

Alonso: And did Mr. Villareal have anything left to say? Any other messages or-

Yoel shook his head with a goofy smile on his face.

Yoel: Nope, nothing like that. Said the past is the past, somethin’ like that. Agua under the bridge. Said there’s an ocean between chu and him so he could think of no better partner.

Alonso: I see...

Alonso wondered if that was too good to be true. For years the Villareal’s had fought with his family over regions in Simerica that they thought were theirs. Brutal wars were fought in many streets, ripping neighborhoods apart, and destroying communities, but Alonso planned to change that at least. He offered the Villareal’s a deal, a deal that wouldn’t have been possible if his family, his cartel, didn’t gain a foothold south of the border. Now that they had it was a lot easier to offer the Villareal’s something they didn’t have, something they desperately wanted, pure powder. Now Alonso had a hold of it, more than enough really, and the Villareal’s were willing to pay and end the bloodshed as long as Alonso stayed on his side of the ocean.

Yoel: So all good? Anything else?

Alonso: Well, one thing actually. Please do not ever bring business to this house again. My wife is sleeping now, fortunately for you, but I imagine seeing all of this...the powder, the simoleons, would shock her. So Yoel, you make sure she doesn’t see this, ok? If my wife and I are at a hotel then don’t bring it to the hotel...don’t bring it around her period.

Yoel nodded his head, understanding.

Yoel: Sure thing jefe, but didn’t know you were married.

Alonso: I will be.

He had already planned on the engagement and wedding. He didn’t worry too much about Ines possibly saying no, in his mind, she was his and everything after was a formality...but Ines could be a bit of a problem. She didn’t know anything about his career and while he planned on eventually letting her in on it he hoped by then she would be so entangled with him that his downfall would be hers as well. That was going well, she would be having his child and he hoped that she would be able to have more than just one but she wasn’t his only problem.

She had friends, good friends, and they would have no ties to him. Thankfully, his brother had already solved one of those issues. It was pure coincidence that he had taken an interest in Irene and that they were moving quickly into something serious. Her other friend though, this Allie, seemed like the type that might be an issue. She seemed like the type that might want no part of the lifestyle and she seemed to be a little feistier than ‘Reenie’ and ‘Nessie’.

Yoel: Anything else? Been traveling all day, can’t wait to get home and-

Alonso: One more thing, yes actually...

The coolness of Alonso’s voice had raised Yoel’s brows. It wasn’t that he was so soft and yet stern spoken. That’s how Alonso handled everything. Calculating, cool, collected, and calm, but sometimes there was an edge to his voice that begged obedience.

Alonso: You are single, aren’t you?

Yoel: Y-yeah, you know me, enjoying life and all-

Alonso: I might have someone...but you’re going to have to treat her with a little more respect than your other women. Do you understand, Yoel?

Yoel fidgeted some. The judgment of Alonso’s dark eyes made him squirm just a pinch, but he kept his goofy manner before him like a shield. Hoping his cousin didn’t see past it.

Yoel: I-I can do that, yeah. I’ll play around here and there, you know, but-

Alonso: But not with her, at least not at first. She’s a friend of my wife, a good friend, so that means she’s important to me, currently. I’d rather she be compliant and friendly towards me and what I am building here, for all of us if you get my point. I’d hate for Ines to lose a friend over this whole thing...but it’s important that her circle is also my circle. So date her, domesticate her, the more you tie her to you the better.

Yoel: It’s like you arranging a marriage or something-

Alonso: Just meet the girl, date her for a year or so. If you fall for her, great, if not, then we’ll end it when I say it’s safe to. I’d of course prefer you two fall for each other and maybe she could talk some maturity into you-

Yoel: Yeah, yea yea, maturity... ok, I’ll do it...cabrona better be worth it though I swear-

Alonso: I think you’ll like her, she’s a pretty girl...make sure she likes you too...

Index - Next Episode 7 ‘Sympathy For The Devil’

#season 1 #the sims 4 #the sims #sims legacy #iggleverse legacy #sims 4 legacy #my sims #generation 1 #ines pliego #alonso navarro #yoel venegas

34 notes · View notes

bonny-kookoo · 3 years

Text

👹Bad Habits (JJK x Reader) 💜☁️🔞

👹Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

👹Genre: (Twisted)Romance, Angst, Smut, Psycho!JK

👹Warnings: Size kink, Body worship, biting, rough manhandling, JK accidentally hurts her a bit (but apologizes dw), mildly disturbing themes (blood, guts, bones cracking...), criminal activities such as theft (mentioned) and murder (not actively stated, but heavily implied), panic attack, psychotic episodes, psycho!JK because holy shit I actually got scared what did I create, degrading names (he calls her a whore in his mind like once..), possessive JK, strength kink, reader is unable to conceive (chances are very slim), unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it folks), impreg kink, dead dove do not eat 🕊 manipulative Koo, Dom!Kook, therapy talk, relapses, horrible anger management, emotional koo, emotional reader, look mom I actually wrote a happy ending

👹Summary: Oh monster monster under my bed, you’re the only one I have left, come out and play ‘cause I need a friend.

Jeon Jungkook is sick.

You know this, you are very aware of it if the very much still gaping holes in the walls of your apartment, left from his most recent violent episode is anything to go by. He's got anger issues, that much is very apparent to anyone who genuinely knows Jungkook. Somehow he just can't keep himself in check, it's like he just needs the perfect trigger to simply go off like a bomb dropped from ten feet. It doesn't take much to rile him up. It takes a lot however to get him back down again.

Now, this would be the perfect moment to explain that you are the sweet and kind ray of sunlight calming his temper and cooling his ever violently burning mind- but that's not the case. There's nothing that can tame the young man at your side, nothing that can snap that collar around his neck and chain him up to a wall until he's safe to be around again. You can't do anything more than watch and pray that he will keep his promise to never ever hurt you. At first, you were worried. Anyone would be.

But then the first outbreak came.

Then the second.

And you were fine.

He would wreck the apartment, throw furniture, or beat someone to a bloody mess in an alleyway next to a nightclub simply because the guy had looked at your admittedly short skirt the wrong way. While for the longest time he didn't care about anyone, you've become his possession, in every way that the word stands. He owns you, every single cell of your being is his, and he's ready to push anyone's eyes back into their skull just for looking at you weirdly. No one is allowed to lust after you but him. No one's allowed to even think about you but him.

It's quite bittersweet, the reasoning behind his obsession with you. You're not scared, you're never running away, you're always so gentle, so delicate, such an angel around him- and in one way he fears that one day he's gonna be the wolf eating the sheep in a frenzy. In the other however, he's weirdly amused by it; the way you still look at him so innocently as if you didn't know that his hands could snap your neck like a twig between his combat boots he's typically sporting. It's a very twisted story with you two, and in a sense, he's certain that you have to be just as sick in your head as he is for genuinely loving him and his bad habits.

Just like now.

You're not saying anything. Even when you can hear the young mans ribs cracking underneath the steel toed black boots of your boyfriend, you're quiet, watching, unable to tear your eyes away from him- and you don't even know who exactly you're watching. You have already forgotten what the young man looked like- your eyes unable to reconstruct his facial features back to what they were before Jungkook had thrown his fists into them until the stranger couldn't even open his eyes anymore, face bloody and bruised to the point where you're hoping he won't survive it. You're also simply watching as Jungkooks pretty long hair, drenched in a mixture of sweat and rain from above whips around violently as if to mimic the way his muscled leg stomps into the man's chest over an over again, face holding a determination that should scare you. It's all over after a moment however, as your boyfriend seems to grow a bit tired now, slowly calming down as his anger ebbs down, waves finally evening as he breathes heavily. He runs a hand through his hair as he looks at what's in front of his feet; unable to quite realize that this was actually him. He turns, looking for you, and his entire facial expression suddenly changes.

While he looked absolutely terrifying just moments before, he's suddenly holding such a sweet and calm glint in his eyes as he takes off his jacket, putting it over your head as he smiles down at you, inner demon now fed again as it seems to crawl back behind his actual soul it consumes daily. You smile back, and he leads you out of the alley, giggling like a teenager when you playfully start to run towards the car, calling him a sore looser when he doesn't let you win like he usually does.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's just a young man as well, deep down.

He's got you sat on his lap as he greedily licks at your neck, teeth suddenly clamping down on the skin as you mewl underneath his touch and actions. He's grinning like the devil in person, his large-in-comparison palms holding your behind as they suddenly sneak underneath your shirt; his shirt, actually, and the main reason he suddenly got hungry to devour you. Your hair is still slightly damp, but he doesn't care as he lifts you up, placing you underneath him on your shared bed, hair falling into his eyes as he pulls the dark grey carharrt shirt over your head, immediately kissing your collarbone, hands kneading your breasts needily as he seems too eager to slow down anytime soon. He grabs your ribs and its as if he doesn't know where to touch- he wants it all, wants to feel it all, all at once, because it drowns out all the bad things he usually does. You're an outlet for his pent up aggression, only that he lets loose differently with you. He's got no hunger to make you suffer, to give you pain or to have you look at him in fear. No, he simply craves the way you writhe underneath him, ready for him, wanting, needing him. Such an angel, such a whore, so needy for his love and affection.

Something he wasn't sure he was capable of.

But he is, and it shows; while he usually moves with his jaw clenched, his brows furrowed, ever so agitated by the simplest of things, his face is calm now, relaxed, eyes however still feral- his gaze enough to make your core ache and your skin tingle. He's chuckling as he moves you around, suddenly impatient as he noticed your panties won't leave your legs as fast as he wants them to. It irritates him to the point where he just rips them as the seams, the fabric now ruined, but neither of you care as his hand instantly finds its way down to cup your heat, ring- and middle finger collecting your slick to bring it upwards to your clit, thumb running in circles over it as you squirm and whine, making him smile.

You're so sweet like this, and he can't help but move your legs, pulling you closer to him in his usual rough manner- he's not capable of being all gentle and sweet, after all. He tries, he really does, but Jungkook is like an overgrown puppy; he doesn't know how much strength he actually has. And it shows, as you squeak, painfully so, as he had gripped your legs a bit too tightly; fingerprints already an angry red on your skin, and he cooes at you, apologizing. "I'm sorry, so sorry.." He hushes against your skin, placing sweet kisses on the pulsing marks on your leg. "can't help it baby.." He muses, and you simply nod your head, hands reaching out for him as he smiles again, kissing your lips, finally.

He's never been fond of the gesture before, not understanding why something as unsanitary as this could be meant to signify any romance at all. But eventually he's gotten to know the intimacy of it, and had decided for himself that he'll never kiss anyone but you in his life. He doesn't want anyone but you anyways. You're his, for now, and forever.

"You're so sweet angel, you know that?"

He humms it against your neck as he finally rids himself of his own clothes, erection hard and proudly waiting to bury itself into your sweet cunt. "Hmm.." He humms again, amusement in his voice as he continues to draw patterns over your sensitive bundle of nerves between your legs. "I still can't believe how I fit inside that pretty body of yours." He says, as you suddenly feel the hot skin of his length against your middle. "Can't believe you can take it so well princess." His hand leaves your core finally, as he slowly enters you, making you mewl as he groans.

He doesn't have much self-restraint, but every time you're together like this, you're both amazed by how much he can control himself. The way he plays you like an expensive instrument makes you hang from his hands like a puppet on its strings. And you love it- the simple fact that he's able to do anything he wants with you, yet he'd never use you just to throw you away. He'd never hurt you. You know this.

He grins as he places his hand over the slight bulge forming underneath your skin where his cock is moving inside you, all warm and swollen, impatient as he can't help but move more vigorously, harder than before, as your body moves along with the beat he's giving you. He's in control, its impossible to lie about that and you don't see any problem with that. Your mind is empty, only pleasure remains as he bites down onto your skin again, hands roaming as if they can't decide where they want to stay; because it's the truth after all. He can't decide what he loves most about you, if your body is whats the most desirable or if its your soul locked inside of it and chained to his own like a prisoner. He gets a kick out of this feeling, out of the way you're speared on his cock like the doll you are, and if he desired to, he could simply snap your bones like those pepero snacks you always eat, and it would be just as sweet as they taste. Yet he doesn't- he's being oh so generous with you, letting you live beside him, keeping you as safe as he could at his side, never to let anything come close to you. You're his.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's also head over heels in love with you.

You don't know what it was this time.

You only know that he's currently in your shared apartment, having returned from Job hunting, and by the sounds of crashing glass, he's probably having another one of those days. You know you should just leave him, but ever so often your own curiosity gets the best of you, and you sit up on the bed, dressed in nothing but a shirt, your panties, and socks to keep your feet warm, since the heating in your apartment broke months ago. You carefully open the bedroom door, peaking around the wood to spot him as he currently kicks his shoes off in an ever so violent manner. He spots you, eyes dark and feral, but this time it's not lust in them. "Get back inside." He barks out, and you know why he does it.

He wants to keep you safe.

Against all odds he knows what he is. He knows he's sick, knows he's a danger to himself and others, and that's why he's always telling you to stay away from him whenever his anger is boiling over like this. It's his way of keeping you safe, keeping you protected and you know better than to go against his own judgement. He knows himself best, after all.

Only as you can hear him hiss in pain do you go against him.

As the apartment grows quiet, you slowly step outside the room again, eyes searching for the form of your boyfriend, before finally spotting him near the kitchen table, one hand on it, while the other is held close to his chest. You can see blood on the white cracked tiled floor close to him, and you immediately grow worried for him. You slowly creep inside the bathroom, retrieving some stuff from the first aid kit, as you walk back outside, spotting him on the couch now. "..kookie?" You carefully ask, wary of any signs of his body that he's not yet down to earth yet. But he doesn't move at all. You slowly walk around the couch, squatting down in front of him as your hands carefully reach out for his inked arm, and he lets you, his eyes eerily not looking at anything at all. You hiss a bit and sit down on his lap as he doesn't argue with you, almost delicately treating his wounded skin. He's probably somehow cut himself on the broken glass from the photo frame he broke. He seems awfully exhausted, which isn't a new sight to you. He usually is after a day like that.

"We're gonna loose the apartment." He says darkly, yet you don't stop what you're doing, simply humming an acknowledgement at him, while you don't look up at him. "Are you even listening?!" He suddenly barks out, grabbing your wrists as you look at him; not in fear however. You simply wait for him, like you always do, until he suddenly looks down onto his hands, letting go of your now red wrists with a look on his face like his favorite puppy has just been killed. "They simply said because of my criminal record they can't employ me-" He began, already getting riled up again as you kissed his cheek to distract him before he could slip again. With you situated on his lap like that, it could prove fatal.

"I'm gonna get a job, from home maybe. We'll figure things out." You softly say, and he doesn't seem like he quite believes you. He doesn't need to, at least not yet. It takes time, but you'll take yourself the time you need, even if its someone else's. Its not like he ever really cared about whats who's after all. "I still love you, you know?" You say, and that's when he breaks.

For the first time in those years you know him, he falls to the ground, crashes onto concrete with full force, and it wrecks through his entire body as he pulls you close, sobbing into your neck as he hiccups and chokes on his emotions, his hug painfully tight, but you don't complain. You're too shocked by his state to react much, other than running a hand over his back in a hopefully soothing manner. He doesn't stop for a moment, and you don't have a good feeling for time, so you cant tell how long you both sit like this, until he's finally exhausted to the point of simple slumping down, asleep as his body finally gives up. You carefully stand up, letting him somehow softly fall to his side as you struggle to pull his legs up to properly lay o the couch. Walking into the bedroom you retrieve blankets for him and yourself, as you crawl underneath his arm to lay against his chest, underneath the blankets, as you try and think of a way to help him.

You can't get a job. Not only because he won't let you, but because you get sick too easily. You're not allowed by doctors advice to work in any field that requires direct customer contact- and sadly that's all your educational level would allow you to work in. It never bothered Jungkook however, if anything he welcomed it as a good reason for you to stay at home, and at his side at all times. For him however, there were different reasons he didn't have a job. He couldn't keep one, with his short temper making him unfit for any job that required him to handle other people. He was a bomb ready to explode any moment at all times, and it was hard for him to land a job at any interview he somehow got. And nowadays, as word got around, no one simply wanted to employ him; stories of him going off at complaints and always being ready to throw hands made him the talk of the town in terms of who to look out for. He also had a criminal record- which didn't make the situation any easier.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. And it's a serious issue.

You somehow made it another month concerning rent.

With you selling some clothing you made yourself for a reasonable price, you somehow had at least a bit of an income, yet Jungkook didn't really seem like himself these days. He didn't leave the apartment much, and seemed much more grim to everything around him. You somehow thought that maybe he was just in a bad mood- but it seemed like this time things were a bit more serious than that.

"Princess?" He calls, as you rub your hand over the side of your neck, having laid on the couch weirdly as you had been taking a nap recently. You perked up at his call, walking out of the open kitchen to meet his gaze in the living room, his eyes serious as he pats his thighs; an invitation for you to sit down. He likes having you seated on his lap like this; it makes him feel all comfortable, knowing that you're so close to him. "I.." He starts, and visibly struggles with finding the right words for what he wants to say. "I want to get therapy." He states, and its quiet for a moment. You need to process his words for a second, as he never spoke about his issues like this. You never really thought about this option at all, and it makes you feel bad, deep inside, as you now realize that this was something you should've thought about as well, from the start on maybe. But you never wanted him to change for you; making you kick yourself in your thoughts. It never occurred to you that he wasn't changing for you, he didn't need to change for you, he needed to change for himself as well. You simply started to smile, and your arms snaked around his neck as he breathed in your scent, happy that you take this so well. He had struggled with the acceptance of it for a long time, and with you at his side, he knows he can somehow maybe change.

Even if its just a bit.

"I want to be a better man. For me, and mostly for you." He starts, and you attempt to speak, but he smiles, and kisses you instead, successfully shutting you up. "Don't say I don't need to. We know I do." He explains, and you nod. You're curious on why he suddenly realized it, but you decide not to dig too deep, as he currently seems vulnerable enough to you. So you simply let him hold you like this, quietly, calmly, while outside the thunderstorm continues, rain hitting the windows with as much force as the wind sees fit. Its ironic, really. Typically the situation is the opposite.

But somehow it feels like everything is changing, right in that moment. Just a few words have been spoken, but the ones that did make it out were a promise, a vow, a sentence of hope to finally get a hold on the future you both had dreamed about before, tangled in sheets and each others limbs. He's always said he wanted a family, as cheesy as it sounded to him back then, and then he'd laughed about it as if it was a joke. It somehow was, at least during that time it was; how could he be a better father than his if he was just the same? He didn't want his story to take a turn like that, to end up hurting you in the process of his own selfishness just to get what he wanted. No, he wanted something different in his life; he wanted his children to look up to him as a person they could be in awe of not because they were scared, but because they were proud to have them.

Jeon Jungkook is sick. But he's also finally realizing it.

Therapy never goes smoothly from A to point B. It's never a smooth ride, never a straight line connecting the start to the goal. And Jungkook is feeling that as he walks through the door, fuming after an in his eyes pointless session with his therapist. Why the fuck would they want to know about his childhood? That's his business and his own only, it doesn't concern anyone other than himself. Hell, he never even talked to you about it- and he sure as hell won't start chatting away with a stranger like this. He can't control himself as his fist connects with the wall next to the door, drywall cracking underneath the force as you stand in the middle of the living room, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. He's disappointed in himself in that moment; he was supposed to get better. He was supposed to have himself in check by now, it was supposed to end; yet here he is, just the same as a month before he started. You try and walk towards him, and he's ready to tell you to turn around and leave him alone, but he doesn't. For some reason, this is not pure anger he's feeling.

It's frustration.

And it leads to his eyes watering, as he lets you hold him close, your warm palms running over his back as best as you can with the height difference, and he simply lets his forehead rest on your shoulder, breathing while you softly count next to his ear. He concentrates and lets go of his emotions all at once, taking his time to feel them before he opens his mind up to letting them go. It sounded stupid to him when he was told that this could help him, but now that he's doing it, he gets why its being taught. It helps. Its like a bandaid being taken off after your cut has heeled. It hurts a bit as its being taken off, but the fresh air on the newly connected skin feels so good that the short sting before is more than worth it.

He sniffles, and you giggle, making him chuckle as well, as he runs a hand over your head, a silent sign that he's okay now. "Try again next week. You're doing so great now, Kookie." You say, and its this small encouragmenent that makes him grin brightly.

Because as you both stand in the kitchen, making homemade pizza for the first time in ages, he feels at ease with his surroundings. He calms down rather quickly even though some things don't go as planned, and laughs more freely at his own mistakes as you smile brightly at him. Sometimes you feel like crying, seeing him change like this, but you're strong enough to hold it in until he leaves during the day. You're still unsure how the future will be changing, still a lot unknown to the both of you, but for now, you'll continue to keep each others heads above the waves with your sewing, while he does his best at getting better. You know he can make it, you're certain he can, and will.

Because Jungkook is sick. But he's finally getting help.

You don't know what has happened when he bursts through the door, uncaring to either take off his shoes nor to close it behind him, as he picks you up, spins you around, grinning so much his eyes crinkle at their sides, and you laugh, even though you don't know why he's so happy. "I got a job! Baby, I finally got a job!" He yells, screams almost, and it makes your eyes water; not because he's taking a huge weight off your shoulder, but because this has been one of his biggest goals ever since he started this journey of getting help. He's so happy about it that this time you can't keep it in, you can't stop the tears as they flow out, making you hiccup and wheep into his shoulder as you struggle to get your words out. "Baby- Princess, hey hey-" He says, setting you down as his hands wipe away at your eyes, the letter confirming his acceptance still in his left hand as he worriedly looks at you. "Why are you crying angel? hm?" He cooes, admittedly a bit amused, because he can imagine what's happening.

"I'm so happy!" You squeeze out, before another wave hits you, and he kneels down, holding you tightly again, as he doesn't let go of you, his love for you overflowing inside his veins as it fills his entire body. He's so thankful for your existence in his life, and he will never be truly able to properly tell you that. It's impossible to put it into his words how much he appreciates you staying at his side through this entire endeavor. Every time he's asked why he does this, his answer is always your name on his lips, always spoken with a slight smile, nowadays a bright grin he's not ashamed showing.

You don't let him go until he chuckles. "Will you let me close the door at least?" He asks amused, as he feels the slightly cool breeze coming inside from the complex' hallway. You disconnect yourself from him for a moment, wiping your eyes with your sleeve as he closes the door, finally taking off his shoes at last, as he walks back, running towards you with a playful growl that makes you laugh as you try and run away from him. But he catches you easily, carrying you over his shoulder into the bedroom, where he bites and licks at your neck, hands pinching your sides making you squirm around and laugh, desperately trying to get away from him. He'll never let you, and you know this, so its unsurprising that he's suddenly pulling your sweater over your head, needing to be close to you. It's cold inside the apartment, and you shiver as the almost icy air around you nips at your skin. "Can't wait until we can use the heating again.." He murmurs against your skin as he shifts around a bit, carefully undressing himself before he crawls underneath the heavy covers with you. "then you can flaunt around in your pretty underwear all day without getting cold." He chuckles, as you hit his chest playfully at the remark. "What? Its always so cold I never get to see you in it." He whines, as he reaches between your legs, inked hand easily working you up as you squirm around. "I never get to see your pretty body properly because we have to hide away like this." He complains, and you simply whine at him, as he suddenly enters you. "For now I'll just warm you up like this, hm?" He humms out, and you nod, not really understanding what you're agreeing to, but you do it anyways.

He's awfully slow and soft, you notice, as he' way more collected as usual. "I love this." He suddenly presses out, eyes closed in bliss as he kisses the side if your neck, trailing down to nip at your collarbone, while his hands find yours, intertwining your fingers in a gesture you can only describe as awfully romantic. "I love being able to make love to you." He explains, as you open your eyes a bit, meeting his as he watches you underneath him. "Though I think you don't mind me being a bit rough with you, no?" He playfully suggests, and your cheeks grow a bit red at that, before he laughs, head dipping down to properly kiss your lips, tongue instantly searching for entrance as he doesn't pick up the pace. "Can't wait until you're all round with my baby." He suddenly suggests, and your eyes open wide as you open your mouth to correct him, but you shut up as his eyes meet yours, determination in them as he suddenly grabs the behind of your thighs, positioning them a bit differently to hit even deeper. "I know, I know-" He chants, as he picks up his pace. "I don't care." He presses out between his own heavy breaths. "I'll just-" He begins, loving the way you mewl under his touch, "I'll just fuck you over and over again until it works." He promises, and you simply nod, unable to deny him. The chances you'll ever conceive are slim- but as he states, never zero. "I'll just- I'll just fill you up until your body can't help but give me a child." He muses, as you start to clench. And he knows, notices, how much this idea is just as enticing to you as it is to him. "You gonna cum? Hm?" He asks, and you nod vigorously before you arch your back off the mattress, making him groan as he shoots his load as well, the visual image of your pleasure underneath him combined with the way you clench his aching length inside granting him his release as well.

As you lay on your sides, all snuggled up underneath the covers after cleaning up, he kisses your bare shoulder, eyes closed. "I mean it, you know." He says, and you humm a reply, before he explains further. "I want a family with you. Someday. When I'm ready." He says, and you nod. You'll somehow make it work, you know this. If he can overcome his demons, you can overcome your own cursed body as well. You deeply hope, at least.

Because Jeon Jungkook is sick, but he's starting to see a future.

"Jeon!" His coworker yells in the big hall he's working in. "Why, pray tell, did you never tell us your girl is that fucking pretty, aye?" He barks in a playful manner, as you walk inside beside the old man, carrying a small plastic bag with what he assumes is a lunchbox. The view of you next to that man stirs something inside him, as he slowly gets up, wrench still in his hand, brows furrowed.

"Because your filthy hands should stay six feet away from her." He responds, with his brows still furrowed, before he finally sneezes.

"Bless you, hah! I'll let you have your break earlier-" The old man winks at you, then gives Jungkook a firm hit against the chest, taking the wrench away from him. "But only because she's cute!" He laughs, as he walks into the hall, Jungkook now walking towards you.

You're proud of him.

Months ago, this would've never been possible; neither the simple fact that he had a job, nor the small incident with his coworker just now. He still got easily irritated, but he worked through these emotions way more easy nowadays. His coworkers and boss know of his past, know what he was like and know that he's still deep in therapy, but they don't judge. They simply accept him, tame him back into his cage whenever he's close to boiling over again. You love the fact that you can walk inside the breakroom with him, eyes sparkling with newfound childish playfulness as he peaks inside the bag you brought him. He's still very careful with you leaving the house, but its not anymore just for his own gain- he's more open to his surroundings, he's starting to think about how he and his actions can affect others. He doesn't care much still; but he's realized that pretending is enough for now. Small steps.

"The handyman was there today." You say, as you watch him dig into the fried rice you brought him, his interest now gained. "They turned on the heating again. Can you imagine? I didn't even know we had floorboard heating!" You exclaimed excitedly, and Jungkooks eyes widen as well.

"Really? I didn't know either. Fuck, can't wait to come home now." He says, swallowing his bite before taking a sip of his canned soda. "Did that label contact you yet?" He asks, and you shake your head. Recently, you had gained the interest of a bigger clothing label, who wanted to collaborate with you for this season's designs. "Ah, that takes time I guess. We'll wait, its fine." You know he's not only saying that for you, but himself as well. He still gets agitated over small things, but he deals with them a bit more easily. "I'll be home in a couple hours. Do you wanna wait here, or go home?" He asks, and you stand up, packing his now empty food container as you smile.

"I'll take the bus, don't worry." You say, and he furrows his brows playfully.

"Mask?" He asks, and you hold it up proudly, well aware of the precautions you need to take to make public transport safe for you.

"Good girl. Text me when you're home yeah? I'll get us takeout for dinner." He says, as he kisses the top of your head. You nod, and wave him goodbye as you two go separate ways, at least for now, until he's finally free of work.

Jeon Jungkook is sick.

But he's slowly healing.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #dom!jungkook #dom jungkook #Bad Habits!AU

2K notes · View notes