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touyazbbygirl · 1 month

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the lights in the Wind

Per requested here's part two. this is part one

Dabi x reader Happier ending? still bittersweet

talks of death, spoiler warning still and still not proof read so if there's typos my bad

A gasp was torn from your body as you shot up. Seeing Touya next you asleep his head resting against your shoulder, or was until you shot up from the nightmare that had infested your thoughts. Touya stirred a bit as he looked at you with a raised brow, “what’s wrong Doll?” He spoke voice gravelly from sleep. “J-Just a nightmare” You spoke, voice wobbling with each word. Taking in his appearance, hair still black he was perfectly fine.

“We need.. we need to talk Touya..” His eye widened as he looked at you. “How.. did you?” He trailed off as he swore, damn dream walkers. “Listen I-“ he was cut off as you shook your head “No Touya you listen. You’re going to fucking die. You’re going to die and leave me because of your past.” You barked at him as he was taken a back by your outburst. They were talking about kidnapping a student from U.A. He didn’t think that taking the kid was going to cause him to end up in a grave.

“Listen.. I don’t know how far this is.. but, you release a statement on live TV that you are Touya Todoroki. Outing yourself and your family about this. You have a DNA test to also show this.. and you fight both Shoto and your father.. you hurt Shoto really bad Touya.. I know.. I know you have your problems with your family but you’re going to end up dying. Not by them, but you.. you kill yourself Touya. Please, you need to promise me you won’t do this.” You looked at him with a teary expression as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling your head to his chest. “How did you know..” You sniffled as he spoke looking up at him “I had a dream about it. Just now. I held you in my arms before.. the last time.. I felt you.. in my arms Touya.” He sighed deeply as he pulled you into his lap, rocking your frame in his arms as he pressed a kiss against your head.

“Id rather you be locked up and having a hard time seeing you than never see you again. To never hear you calling me again.. I don’t want to lose you. I can’t lost you, don’t you understand that Touya? You’re my everything, you saved me, I was about to die and there you were. I could still feel the warmth of your flames against my skin when you killed them. I know that guilt from killing them eats at you every single day. You’ve cried to me over it, I know it’s haunting, and Im sorry for that but Im not sorry for trying to save you. Please don’t go through with this. I don’t know If I could lose anyone else.” You confessed, words stern as the tears that you tried your hardest to keep at bay. Gripping the collar of his jacket tightly in your hands as he looked at you shocked. You had never taken such a tone with him, let alone been so aggressive before, not that he minded.

“Listen doll-“ he was cut off again as you spoke again “Don’t Touya, I will kill you and bring you back to life to kill you again. It’s not happening do you understand me. I don’t care how badly you hate your family, I don’t want you to kill yourself. They already think you’re dead, is not that enough for you? Listen.. Im sure.. you have your own reasons Touya I do. But I can’t lose you.” You would say it as many times as you needed to get it through his head that you weren’t going to let him leave you for his own self fulfillment. “I will say, I do like the hair white too, I like the black.. but something the white makes you look like an angel.. you’re my angel Touya..” You sighed softly as you leaned down pressing your lips against his own. Cupping his cheeks stroking his skin with your thumbs “Listen Touya, I know youre hurt by your past, but right now, I need you to think about me and you. Do you love me?”

Touya looked at you with a softened expression, cupping your cheek now. “I love you more than anything, I may have my own.. plans and self fulfillment for validation..” He sighed softly as he pressed a kiss against your head before leaning back against the couch. Bringing you with him as he rubbed your back tenderly, reassuringly. “I can maybe rethink my plan or think of another way to get back at my family. Just.. won’t go too far. I don’t want to lose you either, you.. made me feel things that I never thought I would be able to feel. You made me realize that its not so bad to be around other let alone be alive. You.. have shown me that loving someone doesn’t have to hurt and love shouldn’t hurt. Ive been happy because of you, all those happy things that make me feel alive. Dreams.. that aren’t just dreams and having you stay by me.. I just want to make you smile, I just want to make you smile even through the tears. I never..” He trailed off trying to steady his breathing as he leaned his head back, the red blood filling his lash line. Sniffling as he pets your head gently fluttering his eyes shut. “I thought.. I was just some damaged goods, I thought that I was.. a lot of things but then you cried out for help that day.. you waltzed into my life and changed me, ripping my heart right out of my chest and held it captive ever sense.” His voice trembled before he sighed “When I feel you and hear your voice calling me when we first wake up.. fills me. With so much. I can’t.. when you say those words of love and when Im feeling insecure.. you know exactly what to say, where to touch, how to kiss me. I love you. I love you so much.” He felt your hand reaching up to his cheek, wiping away the blood stained tears.

“Do you promise me?” You spoke softly as you stood on your knees, cupping his face in your hands his blues starring back at you. “I promise to keep going, just for you.” He spoke, a sniffle coming from the both of you as you pressed a kiss against his lips.

That night the wind was as gentle as the gentle touches against each others skin. Whispering calls of each others names in words of affirmation. He was like the whispers in the wind, but at least he kept you by his side even on the stormiest of nights.

tags: @artemida88929

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stevethehairington · 7 months

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okay so. overall review:

actually not as bad as i expected it to be! and not as bad as i thought it was going to turn out while i was in the trenches there lol. i still wished it focused a little more on eddie's home life/relationship with his dad and uncle AND his friends, and had way less of the romance stuff (read: none), BUT i will admit that there ended up being a lot less of the romance stuff than i initially expected and a lot less than it seemed like there would be while still in the middle of the book.

the paige stuff still made me uncomfy bc i didn't like the power dynamics there (paige had something eddie wanted desperately, and i don't like the idea that that could have had something to do with his "feelings" for her/why he engaged with them ((esp bc let's be real — he didn't seem super torn up over not getting to be with her in the end)) or that she used that to her advantage bc there was ALSO something in it for her) BUT i will say they did make it slightly less skeezy than i expected bc she was only a couple years older than him instead of like. significantly older like i expected.

i do wish there was more about eddie's friends and their fallout and reconciliation. his friends were super important to him and he just. dropped them. like that. and there was BARELY any blowback. like yeah there was a fight with ronnie, but we never actually got to see the reactions of any of the other hellfire/corroded coffin guys, and i would've liked to see that. same with the reconciliation, it felt very minimal — i would've liked to see more of how that played out too.

I LOVED EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN SECOND OF WAYNE MUNSON CONTENT, THAT MAN IS A GIFT HE IS AN ANGEL I ADORE HIM WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. IF THERE IS ONE THING THIS BOOK HAS DONE IT HAS SOLIDIFIED MY STANCE THAT WAYNE MUNSON IS THE BEST GOD DAMN CHARACTER AND I WOULD DIE FOR HIM.

as for eddie — i think the author did an alright job finding his voice. there were times where i thought she really nailed it, but there were also A LOT of times where i thought "he would never say that!!" "he would never do that!!". it wasn't very consistent, but overall it wasn't awful and there were some good parts!

the other characters we know and love that made cameos — VERY fun to see them (gareth, chrissy, jason, hopper, will, jonathan!!!) gareth was ESPECIALLY fun to see because they really embraced that feral chihuahua boy energy we love to assign to him. BUT. i am SO incredibly upset with how badly they massacred my boy tommy h (whOSE LAST NAME THEY COULDNT EVEN GET RIGHT I MEAN W H A T!?) they fucking. got his characterization SO BAD. it was awful. i am. personally offended by it (joking, mostly rhsjsi). (as a tommy lover i am. devastated tho. HE WOULD NOT DO THAT!!!)

OH ALSO — reefer rick. WHAT a fun dude. hes out here in his robe and bunny slippers drinking darjeeling tea, living it up. what a guy.

id like to give a huge FUCK YOU to principal higgins too! they made that dude a straight up MONSTER. he was unnecessarily CRUEL and some of the things he said straight up to eddies face,,,,,,, sir what the FUCK. i know the 80s was a different time but jesus fucking cHRIST was casual cruelty and bullying from grown ass ADULTS commonplace? i sure hope not.

ALSO FUCK AL MUNSON LIVES ALL MY HOMIES HATE AL MUNSON LIVES. that man was AWFUL, TRULY HONESTLY GENUINELY THE WORST. neglectful and cruel and downright AWFUL. NOT ONLY DID HE CONSISTENTLY ABANDON EDDIE THROUGHOUT HIS LIFE BUT THEN HE DREW EDDIE INTO HIS SCHEMES, CONNED HIM, FUCKED UP REAL BIG, AND THEN LEFT EDDIE IN THE ASHES OF THEIR — OF HIS — HOME AS THE ONLY PERSON LEFT WITH THE COP WHO GOT SHOT AND IS LIKE SLOWLY BLEEDING OUT. TALK ABOUT FUCKING TRAUMA WHAT THE FUCK. i hope he got flayed ALIVE by charlie greene lmao it would serve him right that absolute twat waffle.

also, im gonna be real. the end of that book was actually INSANELY depressing. like, it tried to be positive because you gotta end on a positive note right? but it just fell. COMPLETELY flat. bc we all know what happens to eddie in canon. he's sitting there reenrolling in school, peacoking around about how he's GOING to finish high school and he's GOING to graduate and he's GOING to show principal higgins that he CAN do it and that he ISNT the fuckup deliquent he's convinced he is. BUT WE ALL KNOW HE DOESNT FUCKING GET THAT IN CANON. he's taking waynes advice and fully embracing who he is and he's learning to be comfortable in his own skin and to rise above all the noise of people who don't like him and think he's a freak. ONLY WE KNOW HE NEVER TRULY GETS TO DO THAT EITHER BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HOW IT ENDS IN CANON. so yeah it just ends up being a REALLY fucking BLEAK ending because all of that "positivity" is absolutely tainted. it's fucking soured. and i am once again INSANELY INFURIATED about eddies death. so fuck the duffers, again.

also, eddie munson literally never caught a fucking break. not one fucking break. his ENTIRE life was just one series of tragedies after the other and it truly just continued on that way until he fucking died. honestly, its a goddamn MIRACLE that he has ANY ounce of positivity and optimism and hope left in his life when we get to him in s4. thatd how utter dogshit a hand he has been dealt in life. and it only.got worse from there. and i will NEVER forgive ANYONE involved in his creation for that.

so yeah! that concludes my journey reading flight of icarus. it was a wild ride lol.

#flight of icarus #flight of icarus spoilers #eddie munson #stranger things #mack reacts

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cupoftaae · 1 year

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Can you please do prompts 5 and 12 for Yoongi? Thank you in advance!

Hi lovie! sorry for getting to this a tad bit late! I hope you enjoy -nini

-"well..yell, scream, say something, say you hate me, anything"

-"i'll wait for you"

x YOONGI

warnings- swearing, cheating, angst, breakup :(

You and yoongi sat in the small booth of your favorite cafe, it was right in the corner and provided the right amount of privacy and great window viewing.

You both had your first date here in this booth when you had met in college, you were both freshman- he saw you and knew he had to have you in any way he could.

So- like any reasonable man, he offered to take you to get coffee and a bagel, and because yoongi is yoongi, you couldnt say no.

A few months later, he asked you to be his girlfriend in that booth, and not too long after that, you both kissed for the first time in that booth.

The torn seating, the uneven table, it wasnt much but to a young couple it symbolized a growing relationship. You had cried, laughed, had small arguments, ate, flirted, you name it- it was all here, in this seat with him.

Today, though, 5 years later, the coffee and bagel meeting was under different circumstances.

It all started with a "I think we need to talk"

You had never expected to hear what you heard come out of yoongis mouth.

"I hooked up with Jen"

You remained still, slowly putting your coffee down as you looked back, your eyes trying to decipher whether he was joking around or not- but the way his gaze stuck to his lap told you everything you needed to know.

He began to speak again, "Im sorr-"

"when was this?" your voice was calm, and steady

He looked up at you, "last weekend"

You nodded, "so...when you went over to jungkook and tae's apartment?"

He slowly nodded

"you told me you guys had work to do"

"we were- we had been working but then jungkooks girlfriend came over and brought jen because they are friends....we all drank....it was a mess....I was leaving, drunk, and jen was there and it just...happened"

His words were choppy as he anxiously picked at his bagel, a slight panic in his eyes once he gained courage to look up at you

Instead of finding anger, he was met with a neutral expression, as if he hadnt done anything at all. To be honest, this scared him more.

You slowly took a breath. You were expecting this, deep down hoping it would never happen, but the men in your life had a way of proving you wrong and failing you at any chance they got- so were you hurt? a bit, but shocked? fuck no.

You nod, feeling your heart twist in pain as you allowed yourself to think for a moment. You simply look up at him and offer a small smile before grabbing your coat and turning to stand up.

"w-wait!" he stood up as well "where are you going?"

You looked up to him, small smile still evident, "well, yoongi, I dont see why i need to be sitting here. Why drag this out?"

His eyes widened "so-...youre breaking up with me?" he whispers, fearful, as his hand still is holding your arm, knowing if he lets go- you leave.

You shrug, trying your best to keep your emotions in. "what else am i supposed to do?"

He rapidly shook his head "well...yell, scream, say something, say you hate me, anything!"

His voice was panicked

"yoongi..." you softly began, "you brought me out for lunch today....to our spot, to tell me you cheated-"

"it was an accident!"

"that you told me a week after it happened. if you cared I would have been made aware of it right away, or....you know...not have had it happen at all."

He breathes heavily, looking around at the semi empty cafe before eyes turning to you again

"it wasnt anything, it didnt mean anything, baby please-"

"people who love eachother dont hook up with other people, even when they are drunk, yoongi. You are telling me this to clear your guilty conscious, not because you are sorry"

"no baby..please..please no ... no" he tears up and grasps your coat, but you only yank away.

"goodbye yoongi"

"Y/N stop, please"

You look at him for a moment as he tries to collect himself,

"its...its ok...be angry, ill wait for you" he sighs

You shake your head, confused. "yoongi...this isnt about waiting. I am not gonna be cheated on, this hurts me....a lot. And I need to be......away from you."

His heart sunk to his stomach as he watched you turn to leave, regretting not running after you. Was it over just like this?

A small little booth, once filled with a budding romance is now just a signifier of what only crashed and burned...hard.

#bts #bts fanfic #yoongi drabble #yoongi #min yoogni #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi angst #bts fic #taehyung fluff #bts fluff #bts smut #jungkook #jimin #jhope #jin #namjoon #open requests #requests open

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treetownconfessions · 1 year

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thinking about htf au where fliqpy is the demon entity creature thing of all time except he was such a menace that he got sealed up into dogtags and those got thrown deep into the jungle in a huge lake within it so hes basically trapped there forever. and flippys just a regular ass private and he knows the tiger bomb mission was just a massive setup to kill him and his friends but he cant do anything about it so the night before the mission he goes outside to look at the stars and the water all emo-like and miserably one last time because hes accepted hes gonna die and the spot he chose is literally the lake fliqpy was imprisoned and when flippy looks at his reflection in the water it distorts to fliq since he's looking back and starts talking to him and. flippys super sleep deprived and insane and its the dead of night so he doesnt even fucking care that his own distorted reflection is talking to him in the lake now and thinks hes probably just dreaming. and fliq asks him whats wrong and flippys like "im gonna die tomorrow :( cant do anything about it" and fliqpys like "yeah that sounds unfortunate. i bet youd like not-dying over dying right" and flippys like yeahi guess, and then fliqs like "i can do that for you! stick ur hand in the pond" and flippys like "what" and fliqs like "do it. Put Your Hand In The Pond" and flippys like fine, and puts his arm in the pond and has to dig around for a bit in the water to find the dogtags and when he lifts it out hes like "what is this gonna do" and fliqpys like "yeah that. that thing :) dont worry about it just replace that with your regular dogtags and everything will be sorted out. lol. lmao" and flippys like ok fuck it i have nothing to lose and does as he says and fliqs reflection is gone at this point so he heads back to his camp and falls asleep. he wakes up and literally nothing has changed and hes convinced its just a dream so he goes out 100% sure hes about to die today. and the tiger bomb mission happens the same with his friends dying and fliq appearing and flippys like Ohhhh. u WERENT just a figment of my imagination. and fliqpys like "yeah im here to take over your body as my own so i can properly free myself" and flippys like "oh. dont do that please" but fliqpys a massive asshole and kind of only tricked flippy into the events of last night bc when he saw flippy he realized he could switch out his physical inhabitance from the dogtags to him so now flippys fucking stuck with this murderous incomprehensible entity and fliqpy is originally only using flippy as a temporary host until he can create his OWN body and inhabit that (which will also probably kill flippy in the process once he leaves him) but theyre also in the middle of a war so hes like ok, i have to keep flippy alive until this war is over so he can keep being my host, and then when its done and we leave i can get to making my own form freely. but his plan goes south because. he falls in love with flippy and then is stuck between striving for the freedom hes been wanting and calculating for since the day he was imprisoned and staying and caring for this silly green bear whos shown him kindness hes never had before even in the face of betrayal and its not like he can do both because again itll probably fucking kill flippy so hes just so torn up over it and he doesnt recognize these feelings he has for someone seemingly so insignificant and. yeah

im going to die

#fanfic

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doexoeyes · 2 years

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Strangely Stranger Things

(Part 2)

Summary: You & Steve Harrington? Well, stranger things have happened. Interdimensional monsters and all.

(Or in which the reader is a character in Stranger Things & this how I would incorporate them in the storyline).

Paring: Steve Harrington x Fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, violence, a bit of suggestive dialogue.

Notes: This is part 2 of this series & it takes place during Season 3. Check out Part One before reading. Hope you enjoy♡

Season 3

You and Steve Harrington were living proof that the stranger, the better.

Never in a million years would either of you had thought that you’d end up dating, let alone be completely in love with each other.

Like literally devoted. Steve is like a love sick puppy around you, so inexplicably happy at being loved so fully and completely and by you. And you’re over the moon for Steve, butterflies and sparks every second you’re with him. Absolutely smitten.

The Loser and The Hair. Who would have thought.

Tammy Thompson is throwing a farewell party at her place and you and Steve attend, although he has made it impossible for you to even get out of the car.

He’s cupping your face, kissing you feverishly, one hand sneaking up inside your shirt while ‘True’ by Spandau Ballet played on the radio.

“Steve, come on..” you say as you tilt your chin away, although your words turn into a moan when he moves to place kisses down your neck.

“I can’t help it. You have me obsessed,” he mumbles into your skin, and you shiver at his confession.

“Mhm. We could have just stayed home then if this is how you wanted to spend the night,” you say, eyes rolling back when he sucks at your weak spot.

Your hands make their way into his hair, pulling at the strands. This elicits a groan from Steve, moving his hands down to slip his fingers under the waistband of your jeans.

“Mmm, not too late to turn back.”

You stiffen at this, gently pushing him away from you as you face him properly. “Steve, come on. This is probably your last high school party. You know, since the likely hood of me ever getting invited to one is very low,” you say, half joking.

You knew that when you’d go back to school without Steve there, you wouldn’t be as ‘respected’ as you were now. You knew the school would revert back to teasing or neglecting you, but you didn’t care. You had Steve at the end of the day and that’s all that mattered.

Steve looks at you with a pout, clearly unhappy at being torn away from you.

“I don’t know if I want to, actually. I think I prefer to make out with my girlfriend and have her make those beautiful sounds for me as I-”

“Is this about the college thing?” you ask him, a concerned frown on your face.

Sometimes it was a curse how well you knew him. He could never pull anything over you.

He sighs, slumping into his seat, hands running through his hair. “Im just gonna feel like shit when everyone starts talking about their futures. I already know I’m a loser. I don’t need it rubbed in my face,” he reveals.

Your heart breaks for Steve but you lean over to him, gentle hands on his cheeks as you tilt his head to face you. “Hey, you’re not a loser,” you say firmly, tone still maintaining its softness. “Getting into a stupid college does not measure your worth. You saved the whole freaking town for gods sake! And you’re the best baby sitter on the planet, hands down. You’re the most amazing person I know, Steve, and I know there’s other’s that feel the exact same way,” you state, smiling at him.

He looks at you silent for a moment, visibly thinking your words over.

“Besides, colleges are just a scam to trap us with student loans for the rest of our lives, enslaving us to the capitalistic world. And I’m not just saying that because my parents raised me to ‘stick it to the man’,” you say, and Steve laughs at that which makes your heart swell.

“What would I do without you?” he says sincerely, eyes looking into your’s with so much adoration that it makes your stomach do flips.

God, the effect that man has on you.

You kiss his forehead and his eyes close as he hums. “Hopefully you never have to find out,” you say with a wink, and he watches you move away from him with a dazed smile on his face.

With it being summer and all, you and Steve decide to both get jobs together at the Starcourt mall.

It was honestly not Steve’s decision per say, his dad forced him to get a ‘crappy mall job’ so he can ‘teach him a lesson’ on what happens to people who are ‘too stupid’ to get into college.

Those were his exact words. Sadly.

“Do you know how embarrassing that is? To have a dumbass for a son? What are you even good for, huh? You’re nothing but a disappointment. To me. To your mother. To everyone who has ever made the mistake of caring for you.”

His dad’s condescending words did a number on Steve, but you were right by his side, healing his wounds and giving him the encouragement and love he deserved.

“I love you so much. So, so much. And one day he’s going to realize that you’re a much better man the he will ever be,” you had said that night, both of you laying in your bed as you stroked Steve’s hair and held him in your arms as he cried silently on your chest.

That was the first time you had seen Steve cry, and though he resisted at first, your reassurance and kindness was enough to get him to let his guard down.

The next day he’s back to being all Steve-like, of course, not acknowledging last nights events, but you know that’s it’s a part of his process. You make sure to give him extra love and attention that day, and although he doesn’t tell you, he’s incredibly grateful.

Steve ends up getting a job at ‘Scoops Ahoy’, an ice cream shop at the food court, and you get one at ‘Tape World’, a music store on the second floor of the mall.

The best part? It was right across from Scoops Ahoy. So if you ever wanted to, you could poke your head out the store and wave at Steve (which you constantly do and he happily returns).

You’re the one thing keeping him going on the days when he feels like he’s going to explode. Especially since his coworker, Robin, seems to get her kicks out of humiliating him every chance she gets.

Despite this, you actually like Robin. You think she’s funny and has great taste in style and she gives you free ice cream when Steve is busy doing something in the back whenever you stop by.

“I still can’t believe you’re actually dating her, Harrington. You do realize she’s too cool for you, right?” Robin says one day as you walk out of the ice cream parlor.

Steve watches you walk away with a love sick smile, hand under his chin as he leans on the counter. “Yeah. I do,” he admits, Robin rolling her eyes at him.

Ew.

You actually end up liking your job at Tape World due to your love for music, but also because you’re coworker is a certain dark haired, d&d loving, rock & roll rebel.

Eddie Munson is the coolest person you have ever met and you’re genuinely surprised by how you both clicked so easily.

You knew him in school as Eddie ‘The Freak’ Munson, but you never really cared for labels as your given title of ‘The Loser’ made you very aware of how bogus they were. So you’re more than open minded about getting to know Eddie and you both end up bonding over your love for horror movies and your favorite bands.

He even introduces you to music you never heard before and lets you borrow his copy of ‘Lord of The Rings’ when you mention something about wanting to read a good book.

“So, you and Harrington, huh? What’s it like infiltrating the high and mighty of Hawkins High?” he asks one day as you organize a stack of tapes into their respected bins.

“Oh it’s insane. Did you know they have their own private bathroom with like a bathroom attendant? Along with a horse drawn carriage that takes them to and from classes. It’s crazy,” you joke with a mock scandalous tone.

“I knew it. Those bastards,” Eddie teases back and you both chuckle.

“Nah, Steve is just…he’s different. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he was a real fucking asshole for like 80% of the time he was there, but he was just being a stupid, insecure teenage. We can all be assholes when we’re insecure. Turns out though, he’s the most kindest, pure hearted person I know. And it’s like..he actually sees me, you know? I feel seen when I’m with him. And I’ve never really felt that way before,” you confess, teeth sinking into your lower lip, a little embarrassed by how honest you were.

Eddie, however, doesn’t make you feel ashamed at your vulnerability and instead gives you a small, understanding smile. “Yeah, I get it.”

He reaches down to the box in your hands and grabs a couple of tapes, helping you sort them as he says “But if Harrington ever breaks your heart, I’m going to make sure he doesn’t see anything ever again,” he states and you bump your shoulder into his playfully, the both of you cracking up.

Meanwhile, Steve gets involved in Dustin’s plan to translate a ‘secret Russian code’ he overheard on his ‘cerebro’.

Robin also becomes a part of it, able to crack the code in less than a day, but Steve refuses to let you in on what they’re doing, promising himself that if he were ever able to spare you from potential dangerous situations, he would.

This unfortunately starts to create a bit of tension between you and Steve, because when you would visit him at work now, he would act incredibly fidgety and suspicious.

You were starting to think that maybe he was starting to pull away from you. ‘Maybe King Steve is over with experimenting with The Loser,” the voice in your head, which sounded a lot like Carol, said. But you try to pay no mind to it because that’s absolutely ridiculous and you know Steve loves you.

…He loves you, right?

“Hey, so umm…they’re playing that new movie tonight. The one with the DeLorean time machine, and I was thinking we can go watch it. Like a date night?” you suggest, leaning over the counter, eyes on Steve.

You see his face twitch, a mixture of pity and guilt, before he plasters on that ‘Harrington smile’. “I’m sorry, babe. I can’t. I have to stay late tonight to…to..”

You frown at him, knowing very well that he’s searching for any possible excuse to give you. He seems to notice that you’re on to him and is about to drop the act altogether until Robin chimes in, emerging from the back room.

“To clean the freezer in the back! Yeah, dingus over here accidentally disconnected it this morning and all the ice cream that was in there melted. Huge mess. It’s like, an ice cream massacre in there,” she states, feigning annoyance, but you see right through it.

“Mhm. Totally,” you say dryly, not trying to hide your disbelief. You to turn to walk away but Steve grabs at your wrist.

“Hey, we can watch it tomorrow? I’m off at 5. And after we can go to the fair and then watch the fireworks. It’ll be the perfect date night, I promise,” he says, eyes almost pleading with you to accept as his thumb rubs smooth circles onto your wrist.

You watch him in silence for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip before mustering up the tiniest smile. “Sure. Tomorrow sounds good.”

The smile isn’t convincing and Steve feels his chest drop as you slip your hand out of his grip, walking off without a proper goodbye.

He’s completely distracted by the thought of you all day, causing him to be more tightly wound up than usual. He even manages to snap at Robin, which throws her off because despite her constant teasing, Steve has not once been genuinely upset by it.

“I’m sorry, it’s just…I really can’t lose her,” Steve confesses to Robin when she asks him about it. “She’s the greatest thing in my entire life and if I lose her over this stupid Russian thing then I’m going to lose myself,” he says with a sigh, running a hand through his hair.

“Look, I know I said she’s too cool for you, and although that is true, she’s clearly head over heels for you. I just think she’s a bit weirded out over how off you’ve been acting. She can tell you’re hiding something from her. Maybe it’s better if you just tell her the truth.”

Steve immediately shakes his head. “No, I can’t. Because if I do then she’s going to want to be involved and she’s infuriatingly hard headed and as long as I’m a part of this, she’s going to want be too, no matter what I say. And I’m not putting her through danger. Not again.”

Truth is, ever since last fall, when Billy Hargrove broke your arm, he’s been living with the guilt of it being his fault. If he wasn’t so pathetic, then Billy would have never gotten into the house and hurt you the way he did. Your screams replayed in his head most nights, along with the voice of his dad letting him know that he was a disappointment to everyone who has ever made the mistake of caring for him.

You made the mistake of loving him. Which was even worse.

That night Steve, Robin, Dustin, and now Erica, are fully involved in their plan but become trapped in a secret elevator overnight and then kidnapped by Russian soldiers.

It’s in the interrogation room that Steve realizes that’s he’s probably not going to make it to your date.

As if that should be his biggest worry at the moment.

The truth is, Steve could be at the brink of death, and his thoughts would still be on you.

He pictures you in his mind as the soldiers torture him relentlessly. He thinks of your smile and the way your eyes light up when your excited and how you make him laugh more than he has his entire life and how your lips on his make him feel like the luckiest person in the world.

His eye is swollen and he’s spitting up blood but he still doesn’t break because you’re the one he’s doing this for. He’s not going to let you down this time.

When he passes out finally, he’s put into a room with Robin. Flash forward to the drugs they were given and the alarm going off right before Steve’s nail is pulled, and the gang finally escapes once Dustin and Erica come to their rescue.

They escape and take refuge inside the movie theatre where they’re seated coincidentally at the movie you wanted to watch.

“Hey! This is the movie y/n wanted to see! Where is she ?!” he shouts, and the audience shushes him harshly as Robin turns around to shush them back.

“They’re all just jealous. Ignore them,” she reassures him, crossing her arms across her chest as she sinks into her seat. “In fact, I’m kinda jealous too…” she mutters in her stoned stupor.

Steve is high as a kite and he knows it but he swears he sees you walking up the aisle and exiting the theatre so he decides to follow you out. Robin in tow, of course.

It’s not you, to the disappointment of Steve, and he actually lets out a whine of disappointment. He’s about to run around to find you (because he absolutely must apologize and explain that he didn’t ditch you, he just got kidnapped and tortured by Russians) until he gets distracted by the lights on the ceiling. They leave Robin mesmerized as well, but they both eventually get dizzy and dash to the bathroom to puke.

“God, I’m gonna lose her, aren’t I,” Steve says in between dry heaves. He hears the sound of the toilet in the stall next to him flush before Robin speaks up. “So what if you do? You’ll just move on to the next like you always do.” she claims and Steve frowns.

“It doesn’t work like that when you’re in love, Robin.” he says and there’s a pause from her. “You..love her? Like, for real?”

“Yeah. I do. I mean, I thought I was in love once before, but now I know I was wrong. This is what love really feels like, and I would rather be tied up in a chair and have my face bashed in again then lose it. I’m…I’m gonna marry her someday,” he reveals, leaning his back against the stall door.

“Wow. I just always thought that guys like you took that for granted. The fact that you can openly love whoever you want. I mean, you’re Steve Harrington. Your with a new girl every semester.”

“Maybe. But that’s not who I am anymore,” he answers simply. “And what do you mean I can openly love whoever I want? You can do that too, you know,” he says and his brows furrowed when there’s no response from her.

“Robin?” He chooses to slide into her stall and catches Robin sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees, back to the wall.

“That’s the thing. I can’t. I don’t know if I ever will.”

He eyes her, confused. Robin goes on to explain exactly why she was jealous of Steve back in school, and it all clicks for him.

The fear in her eyes are evident and there’s a tense moment of silence as she can visibly see Steve process it all before he finally responds.

“I mean, yeah. Tammy Thompson, you know, she’s cute and all, but…she’s a total dud.”

And the conversation surprisingly ends with them laughing and singing like muppets and Robin decides that she was wrong when she said you’re too cool for Steve.

Turns out, he’s pretty cool too.

Meanwhile, after accepting that Steve wasn’t going to make it to the movie, you had been walking around the mall when you realized you had forgotten your Walkman at work.

“Shit,” you muttered as you looked at your watch, realizing that the mall was closing. Thankfully, you had a key to the store and was sure your manager wouldn’t mind if you just really quickly grabbed your Walkman and left.

You do exactly that, making sure not to move anything out of place, but just as you finish locking the gate, you hear a car going off. “What the..” as you lean over the railing to see what’s going on, you notice a car lifting up the the air and barreling towards a group of men holding guns.

“What the hell!” you shout, and you suddenly see familiar faces looking across from you on the first floor.

“Y/n!” Steve calls out to you, and you immediately run down to the first floor, eyes widening when you see the state of Steve’s face. “Steve! Oh my gosh, what the hell happened?!” you say as you bolt towards him, immediately caressing his face in your hands, checking his injuries.

“Hey, I’m ok, I promise. It’s a long story involving Russians and a silver cat and a secret elevator but I need you to know that the reason why I’ve been acting so weird lately is because I didn’t want to get you involved,” he admits, words rushing out of him like word vomit.

You look overwhelmed and confused for a moment, but just as you’re about to respond, the rest of the gang shows up, including Jonathan who you immediately envelop in a hug.

“You’re crushing me,” Jonathan states, but you shake your head, ignoring him. “I feel like I haven’t seen you all summer,” you state, and he chuckles softly as he embraces you back. “Yeah, I know.”

After pulling away, you hear the rest of the group get reacquainted, listening to every detail you so obviously missed before this. Just as you’re about to ask Steve to elaborate further, Eleven collapses on the ground.

Turns out the Mind Flayer was back and it has possessed Billy Hargrove and taken victims from Hawkins. While battling it, a piece of the Mind Flayer had gotten inside of Eleven and now it needed to be taken out. You watch in disgust as Jonathan attempts to cut it out of her, but Eleven finishes the job herself, levitating it out of her leg and throwing it on the other side of the room.

That’s where Joyce, Hopper, and Murray come in.

As Eleven rests and the rest of the gang plan out their next move, you take the time to confront Steve.

“I just don’t understand why you would keep something from me. Russians or no Russians, we’re supposed to tell each other everything,” you state, clearly hurt.

“I know, and I’m sorry, but I knew this would put you in danger. And I honestly can’t imagine what it would have been like knowing you were in the same situation as I was. I don’t want you to ever get hurt again. Not if I can stop it,” he explains, and your brows furrow.

“Is this about what happened that night. With…with Billy?” you ask, swallowing down the lump in your throat.

Steve looks at you with sad eyes, confirming your suspicions. “I will never let something like that happen to you again. I couldn’t stop it then but I will now,” he promises and your chest aches.

“Steve…I love you. And I love how much you care about me. But you can’t keep things from me, or lie to me in order to do that. You need to let me make my own decisions. You need to trust me,” you say, eyes pleading with him. He looks at you with his big brown eyes and that look that makes you want to melt. You’re the most important person in the world to him and you can feel it when he looks at you that way.

“Okay. I trust you,” he says and leans in to kiss you gently. Your hand instinctively cups his cheek as the kiss deepens but he pulls away with a small hiss.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry, I forgot,” you say, hands over your mouth as you remember the state of his face. He chuckles and kisses the top of your nose, reassuring you that it was ok.

“Steve, come on! We gotta go!” Dustin calls out to him, and Steve grabs your hand, ready to lead you with him, but you pull away. “Actually, I’m gonna stay with Jonathan and Nancy and the rest of the kids,” you state.

You can see the way his mouth is ready to protest but you flash him a pleading look and he immediately drops whatever he was going to say. Instead he sighs and wraps his arms around you in a tight embrace. “Just promise you’ll be careful. No putting yourself in stupid, risky situations for no reason, ok?” he asks and you smile softly, nodding and hugging him back. “I promise.”

When the group separates, you, Jonathan, and Nancy work on getting the car started out in the parking lot. You get in the drivers seat while Nancy and Jonathan check the engine.

“Hey, you didn’t have to stay with me and Nancy, you know,” Jonathan begins to say, approaching you. “You could have gone with Steve if you wanted. We coulda done this by ourselves,” he reassures you, hands scratching at the back of his neck.

“Maybe, but I need to make sure that my best friend survives the night. Especially since we have movie night coming up on Friday and it’s my turn to choose,” and he chuckles at this. “Hey, you know I love you, right? And you’re like so important to me and I’m just sorry that this summer we have haven’t been able to hang out as much as we used to, but you’re still my best friend and I wouldn’t ever want to los-“

“I love you too,” he interrupts, giving you a sincere smile that lights up his eyes. You smile back.

“Dork,” he mutters under his breath and you snort, flicking your middle finger at him jokingly until a roar of an engine catches both your attention.

As if meant to interrupt all the peace and happiness you’d been feeling after days of anxiety, Billy Hargrove is seated in his car, engine sputtering and roaring like an animal ready to pounce. Even from inside the car you can see his deranged expression, the anger in his eyes. You were let in on the fact that the Mind Flayer had possessed Billy, but it still didn’t lessen the hatred you had for him.

You abort the original plan and run back inside of the mall, where Jonathan attempts to start the car that Elven had thrown at the Russian soldiers. But then the Mind Flayer literally crashes in and ruins any hope of getting that thing to start.

Meanwhile, Dustin’s trying desperately to get in contact with you all but to no avail. This causes Steve to grow anxious, knowing that if no one was answering, then something was very wrong.

He runs off with Robin to go back to the mall to try to save you all, praying to the universe that you were fine and he would make it in time.

You all eventually manage to escape out of the mall, but you notice that Billy is still outside in his car, ready to drive right into you all.

Nancy orders Jonathan to start the car and the kids pile up inside, but as you look towards Billy, all you can do is remember that night at the Byers’ house, when he grabbed your arm and slammed you into the table. When he put his filthy tongue on your neck. When he said those awful words to you. When he made you feel so helpless and weak; a feeling you never wanted to experience again in your life.

You spent months with a cast after he broke your arm, a constant reminder of that terrible feeling. You knew it was the reason why Steve saw you differently now. Why he feels the need to protect you so much.

You refused to be seen as weak ever again. You will not let Billy get his way.

Nancy is screaming at you to get inside as she stands with her gun pointed towards Billy, but you don’t move an inch.

“Nancy, give me the gun,” you demand.

“What?! Are you out of your mind right now?!” she shouts, looking at you as if you grew an extra head.

“Nancy, just give me the gun and get in the fucking car!” you bark and something flashes in her eyes as she looks at you and then back at Billy.

Understanding.

She gives you the gun as she heads to the passenger side of the car and you stand with your hand on the trigger. Billy starts the car, speeding towards you and you immediately shoot. Bullet after bullet pierces through the glass but he continues to accelerate towards you. Despite the fact that he’s most definitely going to crash into you, you stand your ground to the very end, and just as he’s about to hit you, a car suddenly crashes right into him, forcing him out of the way.

You watch with wide eyes as you realize that the driver of the car that saved your lives was Steve, and you let out a sigh of relief before racing towards the trunk for you to sit in. Nancy drives over to Steve and Robin so they can get in, just as the Mind Flayer appears once more.

Once inside the trunk, you embrace Steve, who’s quick to embrace you back but not before exclaiming “you broke your promise! this is exactly what I meant by not putting yourself in stupid, risky situations!”

You all watch anxiously as the Mind Flayer tries to gain on you all, but the sound of Dustin and his very much real girlfriend Susie singing ‘Never Ending Story’ on the walkie is a welcomed mood changer. Despite everyone giving you a strange look for singing along. “Oh please, don’t act like you don’t know it,” you state with a roll of your eyes.

You all make it back to the mall and see the Mind Flayer collapse, a sign that the gate was successfully closed, which signaled the end of all this. You spot Max hovering over Billy’s body, understanding that he hadn’t survived. Although your anger towards Billy over what he did to you may never go away, you wouldn’t wish death upon anyone, and your heart ached for Max and her loss.

That night, you stay over at Steve’s. His parents are gone for the week and you’re both very clearly out of a job given the destruction of the mall, so the night turns into a few days and you spend your time holding one another, crying, healing, and trying to enjoy one another’s company.

Along with the death of Billy, you were all informed that Hopper did not make it either, and with that, the Byers’ were moving out of Hawkins and all the way to California. Which meant that the only people who made you feel like you had an actual family, were leaving you.

Steve reassured you that they wouldn’t be gone from your life and that you could always go and visit during breaks and holidays. And although you knew that was a possibility, it still didn’t lessen the pain you felt at once again having someone leave.

“Steve?” you call out to him softly, your head laying on his chest as his arms held you. “Yes?” he murmurs into your hair. “Promise you won’t leave me?” you ask, voice watery as tears trailed down your cheeks.

Steve immediately lifts his head up, causing you to do the same in order to look into his eyes. “Never. I will never leave you. I promise,” he swears, and the look in his eyes tells you he means it.

“Hey, I know what will make you feel better,” he says after a moment of laying in silence together. He gets up from the bed and turns on his cassette player, the opening chords of ‘Separate Ways’ by Journey plays and you sit up from the bed, raising a brow at him. “Really?”

“It’s your favorite song,” he claims as he air guitars and a smile breaks out on your face as you giggle. “No, that’s your favorite song.”

“Mine? Are you sure?” he asks, and he walks over to you and grabs your hands pulling you out of the bed with him.

“Here we stand

Worlds apart, hearts broken in two, two, two”

He sings to you and you’re a giggling mess, Steve laughing along with you before head banging as he begins to bounce up and down, moving your arms around with him.

“Feelin' that it's gone

Could change your mind

If we can't go on

To survive the tide, love divides”

Steve’s energy is contagious and you can’t help but sing along with him, both of you jumping up on the bed and shouting out the words to one another.

“Someday, love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched and went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

You know I still love you

Though we touched and went our separate ways”

Steve grabs onto you and makes you both fall onto the bed. You squeal, a mess of giggles as he lays several kisses on your face. “I love you,” he says, forehead resting against yours.

“I love you,” you recite back, gazing at him with pure adoration. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Just the two of you in your own little world. A world where nothing or no one could hurt you.

Little did you know, there was something lurking around the corner, getting ready to deliver more hurt than you could possibly imagine.

“Though we touched and went our separate ways”

#steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #stranger things x y/n #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things 3

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imightgetbetter · 1 year

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Oh! So after he matched with my friend on Bumble, I had a bit of manic episode, went a little “psycho” and was like “please don’t leave me” when he was like “so it’s over” or whatever. That was all I got for him breaking up with me. A text that said “so it’s over”

A few days later, I sent him a picture of me dressed up when I went out with a friend, he called me cute; we didn’t talk for a few days, and then he randomly texts me “Hi.” We talk, and he’s like “let’s meet up in a few days to talk and stuff.”

More time passes, at 3am Wednesday night I think it was, I get an incoherent text from him, so I’m like “??” He replies “I don’t know.” But edits his original text to say “I can’t believe this is it??”

I emphasized that I didn’t want to break up (I’d previously apologized for going off on him because I genuinely felt bad about it, and he was like it was deserved it’s fine,) but he was just like “it’s for the best.”

At the beginning of our relationship, I had loaned him a book, so I immediately was like “give me my book back.” And he’s like “I feel like you’re mad.”

The thing is I’m having a really bad depressive episode so I literally told him I don’t have the energy to fight for him anymore, especially when I know there’s nothing I can do to change his mind. But the next day I texted him again, and was like I’m free Saturday and Monday, give me my book back. He’s like “I’m out of town for the weekend.”

Monday, he texts me, while I’m at work and was like “where do you want to meet?” So after I get off, we meet up in a random parking lot, and I chewed him out, but then he sat in my car with me for over an hour helping me figure out an issue I’m having with my insurance, and I’m still really torn up about it.

One of the last times I saw him before our breakup, he was like “I think it’s a right person wrong time thing,” and honestly, now, I feel like he was right. I’m obviously not in the mental state to have a relationship right now, but I’d take him back in a heartbeat (granted, things did go from really sweet and intimate to toxic real fast, with him only texting me when he’s horny lool) but for him to sit in my car with me and try and help me figure out the mess that is my life right now, after we broke up? It meant a lot to me.

I’ve literally cried all day today, when I wasn’t sleeping or working, and my heart just hurts. I know I deserve better than how he was treating me at the end, but in the beginning? That was the best I’ve been treated, and for him to still be offering to help me, after everything? Im also struggling with money, im trying to take the LSAT so I can go to law school, and he’s like “let me pay for it,” because I genuinely don’t have the $400 to take it right now, but I ideally need to take it within the next few months.

Sorry this was so long lool

(🧚🏻‍♀️)

babe, i say this with all the love and care in the world, but this guy is manipulating you masterfully. it’s not the right person wrong time because the right person will always come at the right time, fate works great like that. he does not respect you and your boundaries (from what you’ve told me) and you freaking out on him for being a dick was deserved. i don’t think you should be begging this guy to stay because he isn’t worth that and has given you no reason to ask him to stay. being nice at the beginning is bare minimum because um he should be nice to you always. i don’t think taking the money would make you feel any better but if you need to, then do it. but i think you should stop communication with this guy immediately. it’s really not good for you. we all support you and want the best for you 🫶🏻

#asks #i’m just hanging with my friends online #fairy anon

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s3xtones · 1 year

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hiii ily,

this might be quite long so sorry about that :/

theres a pretty lady i’ve known a very long time who i am very much in love with. i feel as though we’re bound by that in a way, she knows i love her without me having to tell her and i know she loves me. ig the bond that we have isn’t enough tho since we’ve tried several times before and it never ends up working out for us. she mostly blames it on herself and her ‘self sabotaging tendencies’ but there’s been times where i’ve been so horrible and so obviously at fault and it’s almost as if we start off beautifully but we both become almost chaotic and end up splitting again.

we’ve spent a lot of time apart and as of right now i feel as tho we’ve both matured a lot and my love for her is just as strong if not stronger than before. we talk less but it’s almost as if we don’t need to, whenever we do however we always clarify and honour the love we still have for each other even tho we’re separate. i really do believe in a relationship with her and i’m not close to giving up on that but my problem is that i’m worried that she struggles focusing on someone long term in general.

we mostly stay out of each others way now, checking up every once in a while. she has a boyfriend now too which doesn’t bother me in itself but he’s sort of the object of the issue. i don’t mean to sound cocky but i know that i could take her back whenever i wanted, boyfriend or not. that’s where the problem arises tho because they’ve only been together around 2 weeks and in that time alone she’s flirted with me and mentioned (not directly to me) that she’d ‘literally die for me’ and hates that she sabotaged our relationship calling herself insane for doing it :( .

as i’ve mentioned i do see a future with her. i love her and i want her and i guess i’m selfish in the sense that if we were guaranteed to last, i wouldn’t have any problems taking her away from her boyfriend at all. the only reason i’m reluctant is because i feel like if she can’t focus on her current man for 2 weeks without running back to me at 4 in the morning, then she’s not ready for something long term and i’d hate for us to go through the effort of getting back together just for it to end in a couple weeks. i really feel torn because i want her to myself but i see no longevity in us. i think if tried to focus on the person she’s wit now it’d prove to me that it’s possible for us to have something long term. we’ve had a connection ever since we met and i feel so drawn to her. she’s a real angel to me and i wish her sm peace and happiness regardless of our circumstances. i really need a new perspective. tysm for reading this and giving advice if u do <3

oh and btw she shares ur first name <3

lots of love <333

A DOOMED LOVE STORY.

Idk taking her from her man is just an ego / pride move n a terrible way to get back into the relationship. Based on what you’ve told me , i think y’all are both confused on what you actually want from each other and what to do with the feelings you have for one another. the space is good for now and actually maybe there should be even MORE SPACE. Her Reachin out at 4am is not a good thing cause she’s creepin and even though to you that’s a sign you can “take her” it’s also evidence of the overlying problem, COMMITMENT!

If y’all both cannot commitment 100% it’s never gon be right.

Commitment takes trust, faith, love , discipline, loyalty and a lot of self reflection.

It feels weird to let go of someone so familiar they felt like home. You get to reminiscing bout old good times n wishing you could do it all over again but the reality is it cannot work with the way things are. People never change, they do grow and mature but people do not change their ways and who they are at their core.

idk im still trynna figure out my own situation and this made me cry. Reiterating what i said, there’s a difference yearning for the love once shared and missing someone you’re too afraid to let go of but you don’t really want cause then you’re actually alone.

Let her go fr n if y’all are meant it will be.

ily2 n i wish you the best, focus on u fr build ur dream life in the meantime

ARIEL WHEREEVRR U ARE U BETTER GET RIGHT N REALIZE WHAT U WANT AND WHAT YOU DESERVE. YOU ARE WORTH THE BEST!

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bisognamorire · 3 months

Text

Beloved and dearly missed A.,

Happy Friday!

I am unsure what you would think of me writing these, because isn’t this kind of ‘not letting go’? But I thought: for me it is in a way, because I’m not asking for a response or acknowledgement and whether I type it out or not is a bit of the same, because I would tell you in my mind, if I wasn’t writing it down. I always want to talk with you. I always miss you. And you know I am always delusional and pathetic.

Two days ago, I had some nervousness inducing conversations with my therapist about me being dissociated most of the time, up to the point that I even dissociate in therapy sessions and can’t really process or understand/accept what is being said to me. And that I feel anxious to ask questions because I worry my therapist might not be honest to me when I ask her to be upfront (which is ofc my own trust issues) or might feel I’m annoying her.

We then looked closer at that cycle of dissociation and anxiety. I felt horrified to see how torn that inner insecurity (almost a grappling for the perception of reality between the “trauma brain/adult brain”) makes me feel and act at times. Sure you remember. And to get a sense of all the potential damage that volatile dynamic can cause others and myself.

This week has started with many people calling in sick to work, so I was obliged to take on more shifts than I originally had. Needless to mention that that isn’t very pleasant. I feel rather knocked out by this week. Patients and coworkers have been rather rude too — it reminded me of the time you worked in the city museum front desk. I, too, experience the general public’s madness everyday. So many bizarre things that I can’t possibly write it all down or remember it. I was once asked out of the blue, mid conversation, by a grandpa whether I was wearing a wig. An other patient complained to me that his taxi was taking too long to pick him up, but he apparently hadn’t even called one (?). Then the general babylonic discourses with russian people who are unfazed at me telling them I don’t speak russian and who proceed to speak russian anyway… 🫨

Im just constantly tired and exhausted— it reminded me of that little sketch you drew of yourself of rotting in bed and saying ‘surely theres a better way to live my life than that’.

Yesterday I rolled over in bed and stared at my wall. My blanket had wrapped around my torso tightly. I remembered you hugging me like that in the bed you had set up for me in your room on that last night and just began to cry horribly.

Not all that I feel can be expressed in words about all that.

I’ve also not slept very well all week and woke up in the middle of the night. I suppose dad and you are haunting me in my subconscious.

But — on to more ‘joyous’ things.

You know how I read up about the Somerton Man (scary) and I was very intrigued by the process of identifying him and just the mystery around that ‘Tamam Shud’ from Omar Khayyam’s Rubaiyat in his pocket. I had wanted to have a copy of that for myself (there are such nice editions with art nouveau illustrations which you would surely appreciate too) and went to a nearby antique book store after my massage last Saturday. They had a battered 1913 copy (unfortunately without illustrations) of it and some of the poems really resonated with how I feel.

Heres some of my favourites:

Three days ago the rest of my Yamato Cosplay unexpectedly arrived in the mail, so I took some joy out of completing the costume for now. I feel like my inner transmasc oni was turned outward finally! 👹

For my birthday last year Sharon’s boyfriend gifted me a box of Basilur Green Tea assortment from the russian supermarket in front of my house. I usually don’t like green tea, so I only tried it recently. In that assortment they had a few sachets of milk oolong tea, do you know it? I love it now. I drink it with two or three spoons of sugar and a bit of milk. Its not as irritating to the stomach as the Earl Grey I favour, maybe you can try it? ♥️

While we are on the topic of Earl Grey — after I have completed a cosplay of Transmasc Oni Yamato (my alter ego) I am now thinking of doing a Ciel Phantomhive or Pinocchio from Lies of P cosplay, just because they’re both giving off that assholish midget horse-lady Laurent vibes, which — as you know — is also my alter ego 😏

I’ve been doodling a bit in the evenings after work (I’ve not drawn something in so long, and why? for who?), and listening to anime openings etc. Sometimes I wonder if it is a bit cringe that I still gain joy from the same things I had when I was 13, living with my parents back then and feeling utterly lonely (still do). Here are some of the things I’ve drawn:

The first one is depicting how I feel when I am experiencing an episode of mania (also, also, blood thing/our Laurent, self insert?). I called this emotional state ‘Archangel’, because it isn’t actually me, or thats how it feels at least. It is this righteous entity, that is entitled to anger and vengeful feelings. He is 100% sure his feelings are justified. I don’t often experience the archangel or that inner ‘surety’ of my own perception, of reality. But when I do — not only does he feel anger, he also punishes me bodily for — by proxy — feeling anger through him. He humiliates me. It is almost as if I was taking on the persona’s of the people who abused me as a child. Who disallowed me from standing up for myself, and who discouraged protecting myself from them, who disallowed me from feeling angry. I am not allowed to be upset.

I’m sorry if thats tmi and makes you uncomfortable, you know I’m always too open.

The second one is Romano and Antonio in the traditional clothes of the Fallas Carnival in Valencia. This year is the tenth year anniversary of me first visiting the city (I can’t believe it! I have memories of 10 years ago!!) I booked a one week vacation there for March to go by myself and finally see the Fallas! Valencia’s main festival! I’m very excited to drink Horchata de Chufa and draw some Antonio/Romano doodles and take naps. I also booked a tour to see the atelier’s of the artists building the statues, that will surely be interesting. I already wish I could send you a postcard, but I’m not supposed to, am I? Maybe I will get one anyway and just post it here and then add it to your little box of things I keep.

Again, I’m looking forward to rest and play my video game on the weekend, when I am off (I’m currently trying to level myself up to take on that acid monster in the Cathedral of St. Frangelico) 🙄

Thinking of you fondly at the sight of the stars & moon,

your Sabo

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bluebellswood · 9 months

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MahoYaku main story 1 reread

Rambles for myself so I can look back on it. Will probably add as it goes.

i missed out a lot of things looking back and ?? now i read some parts and wonder if i am reading too much into things then i remember who wrote this and what happened in i7 so there’s never too much reading into it with tsm sensei’s works

its been close to 3 years since I last read it and ms2 is coming to an end so like hehe. Plus it hasn’t been voiced yet back then so I am listening to it now. ITS SO GOOD…

Ch1

“Both the world and I have been torn apart quite terribly”

I am now knowingly nodding when Murr said that. now I’m wondering. since it was a fragment of old Murr why wasn’t there a shard or smth of his soul during first meeting or was it simply part of the summoning magic.

Shino: They haven’t been wiped out. I know someone at the magic headquarters. If anything happened to him, I’d know right away. Eastern merchant: H-how? Shino: Wizards don’t make promises. Because if we break a promise, we lose our magic. But I was tricked by my irresponsible master and made a promise with a fellow apprentice. We promised that we would protect each other.

ch3. Shino... ueuueue like despite how he said, Im sure he would still went ahead and make that promise of keeping Heath save but in a one way direction only...

It kept me going knowing that Shino was worried about Heath despite trying to make it sounded lightly like he’s a spoiled young master, he’s probably crying rn but ur voice is betraying no one Shino

-----

Ever time Arthur appears it makes me wanna head pat him and go what a good kid and start crying or something

Drummond: Not all wizards are benevolent beings who help humans, anyway! Just look at Oz, who controlled the world under his rule of terror — he’s exactly the kind of wizard I’m talking about! Humans have long suffered under the thumb of wicked wizards! Arthur: ............

This part gets more funny bc despite how true that is to Oz, it’s the worst example that could be brought up to Arthur in this context bc Arthur thinks Oz is the nicest person ever. Anything bad about Oz is not real to him. He doesn't believe it despite everyone as early on tells him about terrible things Oz did.. it keeps getting me head in hands

-------

Here comes Cain talking about his eye and Owen. “a wizard with a terrible personality” Owen’s terrible personality is what makes him cute. shut up Cain. Aren't u the one who asked him out to dinner like. 2 years laterdfgj

ch 4

I just love how Shylock has his ways of words, it's probably comes with experience and age with how he knows how to appreciate everything and also bc hes a bartender adkfnds

Like how Bradley's section of the sage manual is "Warning: handle with caution" bc at the end of the day he's relatively a sensible person who had to learn how to survive in the north. but it also goes to see how the previous sage didnt try to understand the wizards on a deeper level. as funny as he was, he wasnt good at his job adjffhb. (1)

Also Owen's part "Talking with him makes you feel like you’re having a mental breakdown." wheeehehfh reading about him also gives me a mental breakdown so I cant say anything much there AhAHAHBHS

I totally missed out the "Oz taking over the world" part the first time round and only connected the dots sometime later.. actually I think it makes sense since no one know about Oz and Arthur's relationship yet at that point so the implication of it is not yet known

----

They put in a mana stone in the goblet and like afjsnaoj isnt that a dead wizard... and the fact the content in the goblet smells like blood... cryuing

ch 5

NEROOOOOOO NERO NERO <333 NERO APPEARED!!!

Riquet! God… looking back at how brainwashed he was growing up in a cult and how in 2nd anniv it was implied riquet was caged up and he thought that that was him serving the people is so fudging. They’re just using u Riquet…. :(

Listening to Chloe and Rustica duo is way more funny than just reading it. Rustica is so HAHAHAHA helpless, really <3 they’re just so funny I love them

When Figaro showed up. Made me 🥹🥹🦶🦶🦶🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🫶🫶🤬🤬🤬😠😠😠 he evoked so many emotions it’s unreal. But the Flores brothers 🥹 Mitile wants to defend his nii sama

Mitile: What about you, Dr. Figaro? Is there anything cool about you? Rutile: Hey. Don’t be rude, Mitile.

This part is so funny im gonna cry. Also Yknow how Rutile telling Figaro it's not a good hobby to keep secrets? Yet he doesn't mind if he keeps them, if that what makes him happy bc to Mitile and Rutile.. Figgy was the on who took care of them and so they care about him genuinely.. i need figgy to wake up and see it and accept it adkjfg SECOND ANNIV SCREWED ME UP WHEN SMTH ALONG THESE LINES GET BROUGHT UP. anyway. Lenno!!

Ch6 when Murr said

“Just as I can love the < Great Catastrophe > when it gently illuminates the night sky, but must push it back when it gets too close.”

He had a change of tone where there’s a hint of old murr towards the end when he talks about the moon…. I loved it so much bc no matter what, no matter how his soul shatters, it’s still Murr, the eccentric philosopher who loved the moon as if it’s his everything.

———

This part makes me wonder so much

Snow: Take a closer look. White: Our shadows are still stuck within the frame.

Our shadows? White still has shadows? Isnt he a ghost? Does it not count if he’s in the frame?

———

Bradley calling himself Bradley sama is so funny to me bc I can definitely see back then why I wasn’t that interested in him in the first place. If he had continued acting that way, he wouldn’t have shoot up so high my my favourites right now.

+ Akira saying their impression of Bradley initially the older brother with quick temper but guess they were wrong AKDNSKAK NOOOO Akiraaaaa cling onto ur judgement!!! He is!!! He’s just a little hot headed bc it’s only in the introduction phase!!!!

ch 7

Arthur: I’m thinking of setting aside a day of national celebration, and calling it "National Mixer Day". Akira: P-perhaps you should come up with a different name for a national holiday? Arthur: You think so? Akira: Y-Yes.

Help this part Arthur but hes a good kid really!! Anything he comes across, he takes notes of them and see how he could use it to improve the country and how he takes the sage words seriously... how he trust people so much... oz... how did u raise such a good kid.....

As for Akira.... Akira really rolling with everything the previous sage said, not correcting anything, trying to save his image CRYING the previous sage should thank Akira.

ch 8

Shylock: No worries. I'm quite familiar with lunatics.

ok. when shylock says it. its kinda nice. when murr says it. he sounds so akfdsjfbhj do u wan a slappnsd

Snow: We’ll introduce the remaining three. White: Bradley — absent. Snow: Owen — absent. White: Mithra — also absent. That’s all.

I love mhyk's sanbaka

also i love how practically everyone knows Figaro. Northern wizards? Self explanatory. Arthur? Figaro is like an uncle to him. Nero? He's from the North. Faust? Former mentee. Murr and Shylock? Please, the whole snow and white drama.

MMMMM I have a lot of things to say from onwards but I finished reading and wow damn I did forget many stuff

OZ BEING WORRIED WHEN HE REALSIES ARTHUR WAS A SAGE WIZARD TOO I CANNOTOTKFK he wanted to keep him safe ueueud

Bradley telling Mitile he might be able to get by in the North is so KUSA knowing he has a Northern wizard blood running through him and if he was trained properly he would definitely be strong af… (also with how later on Brad does mentor Mitile here and there occasionally)

shino and heath little argue and the fact that they didn’t actually recoiled but somehow just fell back to being friends again

BRADNERO FUDGING QUESTION WHERE WERE U ON THE NIGHT I GOT CAUGHT… he genuinely seems worried and if not a little hurt by the fact Nero was not there with him in the moment of distress. I am hurt. for Bradley, Nero was someone he considered his partner, someone who he could trust his hopes on. He was still daydreaming…. (FUGDE Y SECOND ANNI) Bradley being real serious with the way he said it’s not because of Nero he got caught so don’t worry. Nero can’t reply. Because he was indeed the reason Bradley got caught.

Fugding hell Old MurrShy is the thing ever. I love the knives they throw at each other which CUTS because they know each other too well. The Love and Hate Shylock has for Murr for over close to a thousand years. The ruthlessness of both.

Chloe asking Rustica not to take their friendship to the extreme like Murr and Shylock 😭😭

OH MY GOD THE PARALLEL OF WHEN FAUST INSTRUCTED EASTERN WIZARDS TO HOW LENNOX POINTED HOW HE REMEMBERS FAUST USED TO GIVE COMMANDS 😭😭😭 right when Faust bring them to the execution hill BRUH

Shino pointing at the hill and Faust talking about the execution hill like he Knows too well… FAUST… failed heroes becom criminals… FAUST…..

Shino back at it again saying he wants to make it big so he can brags about Heath to everyone, so he can proudly say this is my Lord and no one will look down on Heath and he can proudly say Heath is his friend and Heath can have confidence in himself and and to shino, HEATH IS A MAN WORTHY OF EVERYTHING AND HE WILL GRANT HIM THATSHDJNDMDMD

Faust wanting to leave and Figaro said there’s no one else more responsible than Faust and the way it went like “ Faust went: Snow and White. Figaro: Are you joking. Look at how me and Oz turned out “ I know figgy said futago sensei careless, they were his and Oz’s master but yeah. same thing. kusa

Faust blizzard injury being his dream and his desire.. while he was out to stake to be burn… Figaro being there too…. when in actual reality Figaro long ditched them…. he just wants his mentor was with him till the last moment eueududjjfjksksm HE STILLS WANTS HIS MENTOR TO BE WITH HIM

Figaro cursing Faust with plain words of things that are stating the obvious bad outcomes if Faust leaves so it will rings in Faust head if anything bad happens and the regret will curse him THAT THING IS SO GOOD DESPITE HOW TWISTED IT WAS because words hold so much power and Figaro.. even if he’s a coward… he knows how to speak when he wants…. Also cursing the knowledge Figaro might die soon. And not being able to tell anyone or do anything.

chloe actually crying in ch 17 :( i had no idea he cried cried uuuuuu I want to hug him and tell him he’s the nicest person ever, I want to be his friend!! Anyone who doesn’t is their lost!!

Oz’s small smile after he walked away helping Arthur… when he finally got a good look at Arthur’s face and thinks about how much Arthur has grown. And Arthur realising Oz has been avoiding him to protect his place in the castle and his reputation. I AM FOIJG TO CRY GOING TO CRY

Kizu Owen is the cutest thing ever his voice is so cute. I can hear a little bit of Leo in there ajxhjsk anyway he is the cutest. Owen’s Knights complex shines a lot with Kizu Owen. Him wanting to be saved by a knight. Him being trapped all alone in his childhood left with a half torn muddy picture book about Knight. The only thing that gave him hope. Maybe Kizu Owen is Owen’s personality before he became twisted. He does feels like a hopeful child way back…. I want to give him so many cakes

MITHRA THINKING BACK ABOUT TILETTA….. making a promise to Tiletta bc he wants to make her happy at least once before she passes away… and to him, Tiletta’s happiness is worth putting all his magic on the line.

Mithra does complain a lot about Tiletta. Oh this rude women oh wild women but But at the end of the day, she’s still the most important figure in his life, she’s still the one who raised him, taught him magic, taught how to live. He does respect and care about her. The only constant in his life and grounds him for the world. When Mitile told him he feels sorry that Mithra has not yet found anyone precious him his life… all I want to say is… my boy.. it’s your mother…..

the relationship between Tiletta and Mithra going from “this boy handsome, will make him my lover” to “he grown up to be pathetic, so I decided against it”

Arthur displaying his authority as the crown prince to Vincent GOD THE VOICE ACTING WAS GOOD!!!CHILLS ITS ALSO THE SAME WHEN HEATH DID IT TO NICHOLAS (shino: heh) so proud of both of them !!

Oz and futago sensei standing there like 🧍🖼️ at night bc they’re useless. Love them

NERO AND BRADLEY. They’re both so Uncle core u don’t understand 😭😭😭 they still very buddy buddy when it comes to these things it’s so funny. U could tell they used to spend a lot of time in each other’s company by how they act (when Nero slips)

Some wizards are already starting to catch on… no… even Mitile himself starting to caught on how Figaro only teaches him weak spells and the way his spell is hard to say….. I didn’t realise it was that early on…. Holy shit…..

The whole Mitile asking BradNero to save Rutile from Mithra only to be in the way of defeating the actual villain and them arguing and Nova standing there🧍

SANBAKA TOGETHER FINALLLYYYYYY. Bradley calling a Mithra an Idiot. Cant say much. Bradley is the smartest there.

Mithra dumping Nova in a magma reservoir. Closing it without hearing Nova’s grand exit and reveal. Everyone: …. Mithra: wanna eep (ISNT THAT WHY U REALISE UR PROMISE ALMOST TOO LATEKAJDJS)

All Northern wizard recognising Oz’s reverse lightning except Nero 😭😭😭😭

Nero trying to be poetic and Brad went u ass what the fudge u going on about is like the most buddy thing. It’s like seeing ur friend trying to be a romantic staring out the window trying to act as if they’re in an MV and u giving the what the fudge face

so maybe Layers to Shylock eating Murr’s shard instead of feeding it back to Murr. Because he despise Murr and does not want OG Murr to come back? Because he loves Murr that he wants part of Murr to always be with him? Because he wants to taste Murr??????? SHYLOCK????? The longing and yearning yet hating is insane with MurrShy

Re to what I said in (1) I think the previous sage does come to a realisation with what he wrote in the manual but at that point it became too late to get to know them on a deeper level. He still thinks Northern wizards are always difficult to deal with when they can be real simple at times if put in effort talking to them.

Nova no having that many lines is the funniest shit ever

The voice acting for Shino is so damn good I can’t wait to hear 2nd anni voice bc there’s a lot of desperation in the arc. When worried Shino called out the Kizu Heath like it pains him a lot. GOD. He is so worried and he’s doesn’t want to hurt Heath

important stuff I like getting reminded about

>Breaking a promise results in the wizards losing their magic. Because it means betraying your own heart, betraying the you who made that promise. Words hold lots of power after all (common theme which I really like. The importance and the impact of what you say to others)

>Promise is what moves the heart, the resolved in your heart and this your heart is what binds the promise. It’s shows that even if this world is uncertain at least there’s someone you can trust no matter what. An anchor.

>Mana stones hold the respective wizard’s magic powers. Magical technology uses it to fuel

>Murr was the one who founded Magical science technology which cause uproar in the West. Causes Shylock’s hometown to be contaminated and creatures go extinct. ( hunt down magical creature till extinction for the mana stones.?? I’m sure I read this somewhere)

>Owen gains power from human’s emotion. Fear. He can talk to beast what a Disney Princess he is <3333 bc he’s a huntsman bc ignore that

>Figaro feels he’s gonna die soon. Mitile is the prophecy child who will destroy all Southern wizards.

#zen sage’s manual

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ak47kawa · 1 year

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nothing was more exciting than july. the anticipation of seeing each other... the moment my mother came through, showing the confirmed ticket. the relief i felt after feeling like i'd never get to touch you for an entire year. the anticipation of the gifts, the outfits. the moment i first saw you and i wanted to cry but i couldn't because of your family. the nervousness and giddiness of a queer relationship is so so so so special and its so hard to feel like that again the second time around. holding hands with you, laughing with you. touching you. kissing you. the indescribable love i felt when i was near you and the sorrow that tugged at my heart when it was time for you to go. even those moments were beautiful, sitting outside, waiting for an uber to pick me up while i watched the video you recorded on my camera. i wanted to kiss you, you wanted to kiss me and we did. you were so sweet and so precious and i tell myself i'm fine, that i can get through this but minute i think of the words "bye pretty" i'm suddenly back at square one. anything that reminds me of you slows my breathing and its so hard to stabilize it. and these past 3 days, there's been tears. i drift off and remember what it was like to be loved, to love another. i drift off and think of the last time i got to kiss you and how much i regret it. it was too fast, too messy and we didn't have enough time. i think of sitting on the curb and reading the journal, sobbing because it felt like the end of the world. my heart breaks over and over again, thinking of the night i read your words that sent me into a trance. the sob i let out, the screaming i did. the temptation to end myself. the temptation to hurt myself in some shape way or form. i should hate you, i should be furious and raging and not even speaking to you because you broke my heart. you led me on. you told me that same night that you'd visit me, that we wouldn't break up and we'd still spend the holidays together. why did you lie to me? why do you listen to yourself so much why, why don't you fight the way you feel? i should be reminding you every second of everyday that you're the worst person i've ever met, that you don't deserve my time or company... that you don't deserve happiness at all. i should. bc im upset. but i can't. i can't bring myself to hurt you, make you cry. i can't bring myself to not talk to you. because i am still so deeply in love what used to be you. i can't stand the thought of not getting a good morning. i can't stand the thought of our conversations dwindling little by little until you become an afterthought. i can't let you go no matter how much i try, regardless of how right it is to keep you out of my life. and now i regret saying i don't want to say ily at night, the only simulation that you still have my heart. but i can't do that. telling you i love you and knowing i'm not receiving it with the same passion and yearning that i have. but yet im still talking to you like nothing ever happened. maybe i'll drive myself insane idk. but i'm hurt and i'm torn and i miss us so much and the essence of our love. idk what to do with myself anymore. idk if i can keep hurting myself like this and tucking away my feelings but i can't. let. you. go. i'll keep talking to you even if it kills me... maybe? i don't know. i just miss you, hanan. and i can't see my future anymore and i'm so scared. i see nothing. i see nothing but dim light with maybe's, what if's and possibly's... whats the point in doing any of this, of moving forward of having goals, or kids or being married. i didn't WANT anyone else. i didn't need anyone else... i had it figured out and you stripped away my life and i hate you so much for it. i wasted so much energy, so much compassion, time and money into someone who can just forget what it feels like to be in love so fast. i truly, truly wish we had never met.

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witchboyjimin · 1 year

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Confidently waving at you below a mountain of tissues and heart medicine bc of your last ask :D

Also my prayer better work the fuck or else imma throw hands 😤 it does make me go shifty eyes over my sent asks tho haha. Until you answer, I'm always like you better not have lost this my dude @ Tumblr

ALSO NOT YOU SAYING YOU WANNA INVITE ME TO DINNER OMG NAV LMFAO. Smooth. Did make me giggle ngl. Also we have the option of me cooking because i am pretty decent I'd say. And all I have to watch out for are things that give me problems randomly in no pattern so we're good rip 💀 however, ordering in is also awesome so I'm game for anything. What do you usually love to order in or rather, if you could choose anything, what would it be?

I'm wrecking my brain over what part of ILHDYS I enjoy the most but hm. Maybe not choosing is the more elegant way out haha. Ngl the scene just before Jungkook leaves for the human town, their fight... That one's a good one. I love when a character sorta fucks up and hurts the other character's feelings jn the heat of the moment because it feels quite real and raw.

And omg Nav, i genuinely all jokes aside had my heart warm up upon your words of gratitude ♥️ i love that i could contribute to you getting more comfortable with your writing again and that you gained confidence back. I love love love to see it ♥️ and i will shamelessly continue to do so haha.

And i am so torn (sounds too harsh but can't think of a better word rn lol) over coming off anon, not necessarily bc I'm shy but writing messages on anon like this has a certain kind of magic to it. I have such a hard time putting into words what I'm trying to say here hahaha. But i will definitely consider 😊

Question(s): what fic trope do you enjoy reading the most? And what's your favourite pet name if you do have one? Seeing as there are different ones throughout your fics.

I'm sending you hugs upon love upon hugs (if you want ofc) back and hope you take care of yourself too. I was very happy to read on your main blog that you feel better ❤️❤️❤️ and if you're ever feeling down or like you'd want to talk to someone, I'm never far ☺️

.... also forehead kiss Nav- that is lethal hahaha

- cabin anon ✨

omg yeah keeping my fingers crossed your asks come through!!! >:0 be nice tumblr!

keke ofc i was going to invite you to dinner! oooh! do you have like a signature dish? or a fan favourite that friends/family request you make? but also rip to random foods that give you allergies >:( that's truly the worst when it is hard enough trying to eat. my fav thing to eat out is....[shame spiral] mcdonald's spicy chicken nuggets. no im joking (im not), my go to take out food is actually korean fried chicken. i think i eat it like...at least twice a month fkndk what about you!!! we gotta decide what we're gonna eat at out dinner.

I ALSO LOVE WHEN A CHARACTER FUCKS UP AND THEN THE OTHER PERSON'S FEELINGS ARE HURT!!!!!!!! it's DELICIOUS! and then you just get to sit there and nibble on the anguish. it's especially nice if you, as the reader, know character who got their feelings hurt likes/loves character who hurt their feelings. good shit.

i mean it! i've been writing down my feelings more these days so i can process them/figure out mental blocks and i legit wrote "cabin anon enjoys your fic and that's enough" because i can really get in my head about being good enough which is also so dumb because i'm very lucky that so many kind people enjoy my fic. but it really means a lot to have someone like support me in this way so i really wanted to let you know how much i appreciate it and how much it's helped! i make a much more active effort to write these days. and it's 100% okay if you don't want to come off anon! whatever makes you happiest and most comfortable -3- no pressure from me. i am happy to talk to you like this and if you did come off anon, i would love to talk to you that way too!

my fav fic trope is definitely hurt/comfort. i think i love reading it because....i love getting my feelings hurt and then receiving the comfort fgjfndk but honestly when a fic hurts just right, i can like feel it in my chest and the ache will travel all the way down to my hands and it's just SO GOOD! if we get more specific, i love (as we discussed) when person a goes feral when person b gets hurt and also...guy who is insane and evil and mean but not to his love interest.

fav pet name for jimin is 100% kitten >:) i don't get to use it enough but i will change that! also love it when jk calls jimin princess. but i think in general for fic, i'm a sucker for baby/babe. you can never go wrong with a classic. i do love endearments/pet names a LOT tho! so i also love little bird/dove, love, darling, etc etc.

please tell me what you like for both questions too THANK-YOU!

keke well you were being so kind and wonderful and physical touch is my love language -3- i hope you have a great day cabin anonie ✨!! and that things are going well. i'm also here if you ever need to get anything off your mind! cheering for you!!! 💛💛💛

#cabin anonie ✨#replies

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kennakatlyn · 2 years

Text

04/25: It’s been a week and a half. Today someone told me i’ve changed. I’ve hardened and I am rough around the edges. I guess I never considered that I let you consume my entire life so now I don’t know who I am without you. I want to be rough around the edges so nobody ever hurts me again. I think I knew months ago this would be it. You showed all the signs but I was too consumed with what we once were and how to get us back. You were burdened with thoughts of how to get away from me. And you did. I want to say I don’t love you anymore but honestly I think I will always love you, I just hate you more than anything else. I met someone. He takes care of me the way I begged you to. He cares the way I begged you to. He looks at me like I belong in the sky with the stars and I look back at him dead and cold. Maybe I am rough around the edges now. At the end of the day I just want the parts you stole from me. My innocence. I want to walk through life naive to the pain that is you. you haunt my dreams. Nightmares of you abandoning me over and over again. I have lived this heartbreak 100 times in the past week because every night when I close my eyes it happens again. After a week and a half all I feel is anger and disgust. Im sure the pain will come back soon enough. I keep seeing your face when I told you I knew. The blank stare and 0 regret for what you did to me. The pain I felt knowing you slept soundly that night in our bed while I begged the universe to tell me why this is happening to me and what I did wrong. One day I won’t feel anything anymore. I will have hardened completely and I will be cold. Nobody will ever hurt me the way you did.

04/27: It’s been two weeks. I think im pretty good at distracting my mind because I haven’t felt any pain besides in my nightmares about you. Last night they were too real. I was back outside our house. I had come to get the rest of my stuff and you were having a party. I was trying to guess which one she was but the more I saw the worse it hurt. You were somewhere upstairs but I got to see kota. it turned very bad after awhile but when I woke up I saw him looking back at me. for the first time in months I felt safe. like I was happy to know someone wanted to be there. Now im dreading the day he leaves and im alone again. You fucked me up. I have to relearn how to trust someone and I can never get that back. Everyone’s going to leave me they always do. I wish I was better at explaining how im feeling. It feels like im holding onto anyone who shows me the tiniest bit of decency because it’s something you couldn’t show me for months. I just don’t understand how after you cheat, I become the bad guy. im the monster. I spent months begging you to love me when I should’ve just left you behind. I shouldn’t have had to beg you for the bare minimum of being a decent fucking human being. and the fact that you laid there that night texting her while I was bawling my eyes out with my rib cage torn in half is just more proof you never loved me. you loved the things I did for you. you loved the idea of me. I feel so fucking sorry for you. you are a miserable fucked up person who gets joy out of coming into someone’s life and tearing it apart. you act like you’re better than everyone but you are no better. I find it amazing how you turned this all on me but i’m not surprised in the slightest. I think you want to make me out to be horrible so you don’t have to feel bad about what you did to me. but you and I both know all I ever did was love you. and one day that might hit you. it might not. but I can promise you this, you will never ever have the ability to do that to me again. I will come out of this strong and resilient and there will be a man who will actually fucking love me for who I am and not try to change me. while you’re still in the same old bed with the same stupid job and the same stupid friends. doing nothing with your life because you lack any sort of motivation. you talk a big game for someone who depended on me for everything. but I was the problem? for now my emotions bounce from nostalgic to anger but I promise you once they even out again, all that will be left is hate for you and the absolutely disgusting things you put me through.

04/28: Last night he got upset w me for something small. it reminded me of you. how I would ask you what was wrong and you would say oh nothing a million times until I went absolutely insane. I laid awake sick to my stomach all night. I had so many nightmares and breathing felt impossible. you did this to me. I will look for pieces of you in every man I meet and wrap them in red tape so I don’t make the same mistake twice. but how can I avoid the inevitable? i will forever gravitate towards men that give me that energy in an attempt to feel something again. it’s a shitty consolation prize if im being honest. you get to live your life totally free without a care in the world and here I am spending my days with my head down incase someone has the nerve to ask how I am doing. I feel sick and tired. my body has been in panic mode for months and it has finally come back down. now all I want to do is sleep forever so by the time I wake up i’ll be in a world where you no longer exist. where I don’t have to worry about seeing your car around town with another girl in my seat. I miss kota a lot. I know it’s probably best on her that I just stay away because she deserves to have peace but I miss her so much. she took a piece of my soul with her too. I hope you two take care of each other. I know how much she loves you and you her. I hope you guys can heal together and have the most amazing lives together. I know I say I still am struggling with this but at the same time I feel numb. Like my chest is completely hollow. I don’t want to feel again. I want to stay this way forever. never living in fear of when you might creep inside and take up residency in my bones. I just hope all of this was worth it.

05/02: I feel better today than I ever have. I had the time of my life on saturday. something I wouldn’t have been able to do with you. You did try to get my attention by messaging lindsey though. you can say that you didn’t but i’m not stupid. The only reason I responded was because I was smashed drunk and I knew I could take whatever other shit you threw at me. you called me a fragile soul and at first that really pissed me off until I realized im not fragile I am resilient and I am putting my pieces back together without you. I am healing myself from the inside and it seriously feels so good. I feel empowered like I could take on the fucking world. I would say I have you to thank for fucking up so bad but in reality im thanking myself because you deserve absolutely nothing from me. I feel so sorry for you. you have no idea what it means to truly love someone. you are to selfish to ever find that. your relationships will continue to fail and you will blame the other person and people will believe you but at the end of the day that shitty empty feeling you get is all you. that’s your body telling you that this one is on you. goodluck out there. you lost someone who truly loved you with all their heart and now you’ll be looking for me in every bitch you meet. respectfully hope you don’t find her because nobody deserves the pain you will put them through. I always put you up so high like I thought you were so great to me but in reality you were fucking awful and selfish. I have too much love to give to ever waste it on someone like you ever again.

05/04: I finally figured it all out. you had been talking to this girl for months. she literally follows me on instagram. she posted a picture in your bed and my heart sank like are you serious dude. you called lindsey on sunday and proceeded to tell her how i’m crazy, a whore, a bitch and all about how you’d be a better friend for her. not surprised that you want me to be alone through all of this because you want me to feel pain and it bothers you that I am okay. I have no idea who you are now. you are not the sweet boy I poured myself into for two years. you are a monster and you absolutely disgust me. I can’t believe that this is who you were all along. you never cared about me and you never loved me. I mistook you taking advantage of me for love. I begged you for months to tell me what was wrong with me so I could fix it. you played it off like I was insane. I was never the crazy one. you emotionally manipulated me for the last 6 months of our relationship and instead of just coming out and breaking up w me you decide cheating would be your way out?

honestly I have been way too nice about this. day one I got up and grabbed clothes and left. I should’ve been screaming and crying and beating on your chest for what you put me through but my only thought was “but I still love him”. now you have the nerve to act like I wasn’t civil about this because I didn’t bend to your every will on the way out? you’ve got to be joking. you are the one who fucked up and I still walked out of there w my head up.

06/20: it’s been almost 3 months since you did what you did. I have spent the last two of them distracting myself by the presence of other men. you and I speak now. more than speak actually but your girlfriend can’t know about the one time I met you in the backseat of your car in the middle of the night. you told me you still love me yesterday. and you told me you will always think of me when it rains. I like to think one day we will be together again. I know how unrealistic it sounds but I find peace it the fact that you are out there in the world existing and our paths could cross again at any moment. how badly I dream of a fairy tale ending to this story. it rains one last time and you realize you can’t live without me so you hop in your car and show up on my doorstep where you take me away from here and tell me everything’s gonna be okay. im not delusional im aware that the reality is if you actually loved me then you wouldn’t be with her. but I can’t help myself from believing that maybe just maybe you don’t want to be alone. we can’t be together so you use her to fill the hole in your hearts. that’s what I tell myself anyways and maybe that does make me delusional but it makes the nighttime a little easier to process knowing you could be out there thinking of me. I just hope I find someone else to love me before it’s too late and reality sets in that you’re never coming back.

—the letters I never sent, and one day they just stopped

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cynettic · 3 years

Text

Kissing Genshin Characters before you Die

Summary - Kissing the Genshin Characters one last time before you enter the battlefield.

Pairings - Reader x Albedo / Barbara / Bennett / Beidou / Chongyun / Diluc / Eula / Kazuha / Kaeya / Ayaka / Ningguang / Childe / Venti / Xiao / Zhongli

Warnings - Angst, death mentions

Tips - I wrote this listening to ‘Lovely’ and ‘Listen before I go,’ so it might make it better if you listen to both those songs while reading this :’) Both are by Billie Eilish btw, both reverb and slowed down songs for the extra angst

A/N - Im so tired, so so tired of human interaction and having no motivation to talk to people. Its like my social battery simply does not recharge, and I'm stuck writing about interactions I wish I could have, even if it's angst. Burying myself in the delusion that being in a different reality would change everything, burying myself in little imaginations and dreams of a love that doesn't exist.

Also yes, if you did notice the song lyrics playing at first are from "If the World was Ending," used to listen to that song so much. Thought it would fit this :)

“If the world was ending you’d come over right?”

It was absolute chaos, flames crawling up the wooden buildings and spreading smoke through the nation of Teyvat. Everything burned with the scorching heat, children crying, men and woman trying to run from the unescapable flames. Terror etched into citizens faces when encountering the monsters who appeared unaffected by the destruction.

Hilichurls and ruin guards smashing past people, till there was nowhere to run. And it was the mere decision of whether being beaten to death or burnt crisp was a better way to leave this world.

“You’d come over and you’d stay the night.”

But there you were, weapon in hand as you stood up against the blaze. Strong against the unblinking inferno in front of you, unwavering as you stood in front of the monsters that eagerly rushed towards you. Cut and obliterated in seconds, your eyes held nothing but a sickening disgust.

You slowly turned back to your s/o, relief quenching your heart when they were safe in the little location you’d found for them. They were injured, they wouldn't be sitting on the sidelines otherwise. And holding your weapon up again, you claimed the role of protector against the hoard of monsters.

“Would you love me for the hell of it?”

Their voice broke past your focus, a ragged sound that was suffering. It only took you a few strides till you reached them, crouching down to face them fully. Your faces were mere inches away, and you could see the frustration on their face. A deeply rooted feeling that fueled the action as they curled their hand around your head. Pressing your lips against theirs, one last kiss before you assumed the role of predator against the monsters.

“All our fears would be irrelevant.”

Both hands coming to hold their face, you pressed forwards into their kiss. Grasp tight against them, clinging onto them as if they were your lifeline.

“If the world was ending you’d come over right?”

You kissed them as if the world wasn't a aflame, like it was just you both sitting there. Hands grasping for their skin, for their lips, for them. Because without them you couldn't live in this smoldering world, a bright light that cocooned you in its comforting warmth. Nothing like the blazing flames that surrounded the two of you.

You kissed them like they were the only thing that mattered.

“The sky’d be falling and I’d hold you tight.”

But you felt the shake in their hands as they pressed their hand against your back, scared to let you go, scared to lose you. Scared to let this kiss end and have to face the scorching reality.

“And there wouldn't be a reason why.”

You pressed one last kiss to their forehead, basking in their embrace once more between you broke away. The look on your face was confident as you faced them one last time, softened by their teary eyes. Whispering soft words to them, you could only watch as they broke down, a tight feeling in your chest urging you to do the same.

But no, you had to be strong. For them, for yourself, for all of Teyvat. You slowly turned to the flames and monsters, holding up your weapon, screaming one last battle cry as you let your weapon lead your actions. As you let death become your only objective in a flurry to protect your partner.

“We would even have to say goodbye.”

Sobs wretched out of their throat as they watched you crumble, watched you fall the ground and collapse. Till the movement of your chest came to an abrupt stop, and monsters pooled at your sides.

They were forced to watch, unable to move.

“If the world was ending you’d come over right?”

Their cries turned to whimpers, until they couldn't hear the noises that spilled form their lips. Until they didn't care. What they cared about was thrown on their battlefield, beaten and ragged, torn and broken.

Dead.

“You’d come over… right?”

_-_-_-_-_

Albedo

He takes his time, hand on the back of your neck pushing you so hard against him till he’s woozy. Memorizing the feel of your plush lips against his, molding them into memory with every kiss. He’ll break away from your lips, pressing soft pecks up your face, along your nose, to your forehead. Infatuated with the way your hands gently hold his face, careful, delicate. He doesnt want to let you go, and with one final peck right between your eyes, he’ll close his eyes, whispering a goodbye as you leave. He doesnt open them when you die, he doesnt open them when the monsters reach him. No, he dies in your embrace, even if its not real.

Barbara

Desperate, oh so desperate. She doesnt know what to do with you when you press your hands to her face, tearful. You’ll have to be the one to initiate the kiss, muffling her cries with a short lived sweetness between the two of you. She’ll have her hands all over you, unsure of how to hold you, how to press you against her. She wants to stay like this forever, and even if her kisses are sloppy and messy, she’s crying too much to notice. She won’t break away, you’ll have to tug your way out of her grip and press one last kiss to her forehead. Her voice is angelic, even when she cries. You remind yourself that this is what you’re protecting as you enter the battlefield, giving it your all.

Beidou

Oh she knows, knows how this will play out. The kisses shared between the two of you are strong and compassionate, its more intense than any other kiss you’ve both shared before. Because she knows. She knows what’ll become of you and her, that this is the last kiss she’ll share with you, that there's nothing she can do about it. She lets herself indulge in you, her strong hold on you never letting go until you vocally ask her to let you go. You make her promises she knows you can't keep, but simply smiles, telling you to come back to her.

Bennett

Awkward, his hands will grab your shoulders when you approach him, pressing for a kiss immediately. He misses his mark, accidentally pressing his lips to the edge of your lips, noses bumping against each other as he tries to shift his face. You chuckle, holding his face as you adjust the angle, till you can fully reach his lips and press him against you. Like Barbara, he’ll cry, letting himself melt into you. He doesnt resist when you back away, whispering to him. Just sitting there he’ll cry, sob through it all, vision blurry with tears. But its better that way, he can picture you better when everything is fuzzy.

Chongyun

Everything was smoldering hot, too much for Chongyun who has so much yang energy trapped in him. He’s going through one of his rushes when you get to him, eager to tuck you into his arms. His kisses are sporadic, like he’s trying to kiss you but he cant. Like no matter how much his lips meet yours, it isnt enough. He wants more, he wants the promise of your forever embrace ingrained in his head. And when you break away, he’s left empty, the kisses he’d given you the only warmth on his lips. Suddenly everything was cold, so cold, and he only wished for you.

Diluc

Too rough, mashing your lips against his until you couldn't breath. Dizzy with the lack of oxygen, he didn't stop. You were ‘his,' right here right now, no one could take you away from him. You belonged alongside him, crouched in front of him, pressed into his arms where he could keep you safe. He wouldn't let you go, strong arms pulling you to his chest so firmly that you couldn't escape. He wanted to be selfish, he let himself indulge in the promise to himself that you weren't going anywhere. You’ll have to physically break out yourself, pressing back his hands as he tries to make a grab for you, tears brimming.

Eula

You were her everything, and she’ll tell you it through her kisses. She’ll run her hands along the curve of your back, holding you tenderly against her. She doesn't wish for vengeance for all the soft kisses you’ve stolen from her good days long ago, no, she’s willing to forgive you for everything as long as you’ll ‘stay.’ She promises that in all honesty, she loves everything about you, even if she denies it sometimes. And when you leave, she tells you to come back. That its the one and only thing she’ll hold against you if you don't.

Kazuha

Soft, so incredibly sensual with every touch. Kazuha was always filled with words, filled with lovely compositions made for you and only you. But now, he couldn't think of anything, no haiku he’d written in the past that compared to what he felt right now. Metaphors and hidden meanings couldn't compare to the raw pulsing throb he felt in his chest. “I love you,” he whispered, plain and simple. It held so much affection, he was afraid even those words weren't enough to express what he felt, but he settled with it either way. “I love you,” he repeated, brushing your lips against his before he said it again. “I love you.” He said it again, even as you left, entering the battlefield. He didn't stop saying it, not when he saw the monsters take you, not when they approached him with the promise of death. ��I love you.”

Kaeya

He doesnt kiss you, because kisses to Kaeya are a sort of affection that brings the sense of normalcy. He likes the way your lips feel against his, but holding you against him is more special. He doesnt depend on kisses to express what he feels, instead pushing your head to his chest, sighing when your own arms come to wrap around him. No kisses, no touches, just you and him. Offering each other your last shreds of hope, because in the end, you only need each other.

Ayaka

“Look at me.” Her hand cups your cheeks just as you do to her. Now you both simply stare into each others eyes, love and adoration filling hers. She loves you, oh she loves you so much. But she understands duty better than anyone, the urge to protect you almost consuming her. When she kisses you, its soft, butterfly kisses. She doesn't rely on the contact to keep her grounded, no holding your face is a gift enough for her. To stare at you, even for one last time, is all she needs. You’ve given her so much, she would follow you to the ends of the world if you asked her to, and that's why it hurts her so much to watch you fall. She closes her eyes, noticing that she’d follow soon after and perhaps see you in the afterlife. No, she would, that's a promise she makes to herself.

Ningguang

Ningguang has delt with loss before, the concept isnt foreign to her. But you… you’re more than the jade chamber, more than any possession she has. You’re precious, like she sold a piece of her heart to you that she could never gain back. You took it from her, and you plan to take it with you to the battlefield. All she can do is press her lips against yours. Kiss you and the world beside you both becomes meaningless, until air becomes a chore instead of a necessity. Because without air she'd kiss you forever.

Childe

Details, in the case that Childe himself cant fight alongside you, he’ll hold you and repeat the details in his head. The way his hand feels on your hair, how soft or rough your lips are against his. How you fit against him, how badass you look out in the battlefield. He won’t stop you from leaving him, because he knows that if this case was reversed, he’d want you to let him go too. So he presses intimate kisses, slow ones that dont consist of a fight for dominance like they usually do. No, he wants to tell you how much he loves you, one last time.

Venti

He doesnt know what to do, pressed against you firmly. He presses soft kisses, but theres no emotion, he doesn't know how to express himself here. He’s lost a lot, lost so much in his existence, but nothing prepared him for this. Only after a kisses will he ask to cry, and when you tell him yes he’ll press his head against your shoulder. He’ll sob, hands gripping the fabric of your shirt as he does so. And then he kisses you while tears stream down his face, mashes your lips against his until his face grows numb. And he’ll continue to feel numb when you leave, when you die, when he dies.

Xiao

He doesn't know what to do, Xiao has never felt so utterly useless when you crouch to him. Form battered and bruised, when you embrace him he feels whole again. You’re his world, he doesn't care about the blazing inferno just beside you, the monsters that threaten all of Teyvat. You are his everything, what he strives to protect and keep safe. Kisses with him are breathless, both of you passionately pulling each other closer. He cant get enough of you, he wants all of you, every single piece. Molded into his embrace until you cant get out. When you break away, he tries to pull you to him, but he finds himself only able to move in the slightest. But Xiao is a protector, he is ‘your’ protector. He follows you as you head to the battlefield, dragging his limp body in a crawl to get closer. He doesn't stop when he sees the monsters overtake you, no, he continues. Just until he reaches your body, grabbing you and holding your corpse into his chest. He numbs out the monsters that attack him, knowing sullenly that he's going to die. But death doesn't seem so bad, not beside you.

Zhongli

As someone who always has control over the situation, Zhongli will be able to adapt quickly. But he doesnt want you to suffer, admiring you for being so strong when everything presses against you. He wishes to relieve the weight if only a little bit with a few kisses. Sensual and intimate, he wants to support you, and if he cant do it on the battlefield he’ll do it right here. Hold you close and promise you that he’ll always be there for you. Only after you die does he allow himself to cry, not wanting to have burdened you with his tears.

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sukirichi · 3 years

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dutifully yours. [01]

Attached to the could’ve been’s of a promised happily ever after with the Crown Prince disguised under a scheme for power and greed, you are torn between choosing your happiness — or abandoning it to fulfill your duty as the future Queen.

→ unedited bcos i’m brave lazy. implied patriarchy. angst in future chapters. pure romance and fluff for now. royalty au. eventual smut. prince naoya !! i love him sm i could cry. this fic will break me, okay. naoya is close to canon but with my twist if that makes sense. drama in future chapters. oh and listen to this while reading <3

→ massive shoutout to my besties for always hyping me and helping me uwu, i present this token of prince naoya being an ideal husband okay cry cry i love him sm im crying. anyways pls enjoy bcos i poured my heart out to this and bcos i want more people in the naoya fucker club :>

one | next (to be posted)

Ever since the day your mother taught you how to read, you’ve had your nose buried in a book. Losing yourself in different worlds, swooning over fictional princes, and fantasizing for a love story ripped out of fairytale itself with such burning, passionate romance – you’d been through it all, dreamt of it all. And yet, you struggled to stop yourself from tugging at your dress.

The tight corset hadn’t even been the main focus of your worries, and neither was the heavy rivière resting on your collarbones.

“Would you stop fidgeting?” Beside you, your mother pursed her lips, fingers decorated with jewels stopping in their movements of fanning herself. The temperature hadn’t been particularly high inside the limousine that evening. You supposed it was the mere sight of you tugging and gulping audibly every now and then, gloved hands running over the hems of your collar.

You ducked your head down. “Sorry, Mother. I can’t help it.”

“Dear, your anxiety is written all over your face,” she sighed, turning your face to her as she cupped your cheeks. Smiling tenderly like a mother always did, your heart felt soothed even by the slightest bit. You wished she could keep holding you like this – like you were a fragile flower she was afraid of breaking; a fragile flower that needed more care handled than most. Tonight, however, you felt a hundred years older. Like you’d accidentally clicked on fast forward and got launched to the future. A future that seemed so unclear yet so...perfect. So right.

“How would the Prince fancy you if you’re sweating bullets like that? It’s not a good look for a marquess’ daughter.”

At the mention of the Crown Prince, your heart sank again. “My apologies, Mother. I’m just rather nervous. It’s the Crown Prince we’re talking about here.”

“He is quite the looker, isn’t he?” she giggled behind her fan, “Strong and handsome, as well.”

“My ladies. You are not fantasizing over the Crown Prince in my presence, are you?”

Crossing her leg over the other, your mother leaned forwards, elbows on her knees as she winked at your father. The marquess had his torso half twisted from the passenger seat, glaring playfully at your mother’s unabashed features. “It is of no seriousness, My Lord. I’m simply easing your daughter’s nerves.”

Your father sighed in worry. “What’s got you so worked up, child? You are beautiful. The Prince would be blind to not notice you.”

Each fibre in your body screamed in desperation for your father to be right. Tonight was not just any other night – the entire Kingdom, including noblewomen, foreign royals, and unwed daughters from honourable families had been invited to the Zen’in Castle for one purpose only: to find his Crown Prince a suitable wife, one that would be fit to be the next Queen as well. As the daughter of the marquess, you’d naturally received the invitation. It felt just like yesterday when the mail arrived and you’d cheered so much in joy the chickens went flying out of their coops, your horses galloping and whinnying at surprise, and now you here – minutes away from the palace where you were soon to be deemed worthy or unworthy to be beside His Highness.

With a shaky smile, you dug your nails into your thighs. “Well, we’ve only met once, Father. I doubt the Prince would remember me.”

“Just smile, darling. You will do great.”

To no one’s surprise, the Zen’in Castle brimmed with people and esteemed guests. Men and women danced with one another as muted chatters and chuckles blended in with the grand royal orchestra, everyone dressed to the nines and making you feel completely out of place.

The moment you’d been welcomed by the knights and led to the palace doors, your dress began to feel tighter than usual, your ribs clenching uncomfortably from the pressure. Your hands had not stopped trembling either, not even when you hid it behind your back and nodded at the people passing by. There were governor-generals, dukes, earls, professors and royal advisors and even families of the royal family’s inner circle of knights. Everyone looked like they belonged here. Chatting amongst one another over the finest of wines or discussing conspiracies on where the Kingdom of Zen’in would be in the next sixty years of the future King’s reign, no one here seemed to be out of place.

Everyone except you.

A warm hand was suddenly placed on the small of your back, making you gasp. Your mother’s smile was nothing short of warm as she held you close to her one last time, leaving a kiss on your forehead. You didn’t even realize how much you shook until she clasped her hands with yours. “Calm down, dear,” she reminded, “You’ll be on your own now. This is where we leave you since we’re not supposed to mingle with potential princesses.”

“Mother!” Your eyes widened in embarrassment. Looking around frantically, you bit your lip in fear someone must’ve heard.

Of course, while it would be no surprise most guests – if not all – hoped that their daughter would be the Crown Prince’s chosen fiancée, it still felt wrong to boldly assume such when you could barely keep up with the events of tonight.

However, your mother merely laughed. “I am proud of you, dear. Never forget that. It doesn’t matter whether you are chosen or not. We’re only here for formality and respect to the King and Queen’s demands.”

“You say that as if the Crown Prince really would not bother with me.”

“We didn’t mean that,” your father cut in, a flute of champagne already nested between his calloused fingers. Ever since you arrived, he’d been snatched away by fellow earls and barons, disappearing into the crowd for a ‘hearty conversation over one’s lands.’ You knew better than that, though. That statement always translated to which leader got to have more chances to wine and dine with the King, to which your family was ridiculously reminded of that you’d been stationed to the most faraway land where even hearing news from the royal papers was but a privilege.

“Just be yourself, alright? And enjoy the party. It’s about time you met with girls your own age and made some friends.”

“I – Father, wait!”

A slender young woman slithered to your side out of nowhere, her golden brown eyes following the silhouettes of your parents. It wasn’t long before they completely disappeared. Left alone with the stunning woman that was – for some reason – dressed in a plain black curve hugging dress too modest for tonight’s appropriateness, you took three steps away in caution. “You must be from way up North,” she noted, her head to the tipped to the side. “I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.”

God, was she beautiful. Long, thick eyelashes and short hair chopped in messy yet elegant curves, you struggled to hold her gaze. “Oh, yes, I come from the Terratian Borders. My family is stationed there under His Majesty’s orders.”

She hummed to herself. “The Terratian Borders are mostly forests and fields, no? The last time my family and I visited there, I came across the loveliest dandelions I’ve ever laid eyes on. Shame they died on the way back,” offering her hand – again, bare and empty with decorations yet still littered with faint scars and cuts – she beamed at you. “I’m Mai, by the way. Mai Zen’in.”

Zen’in?

Hands cupping your mouth, you bowed deep until your back ached. “Lady Mai!” you shut your eyes closed, unable to live with the shame. Mai Zen’in; one of the iconic twin pair from the extended Zen’in royal family, both a fashion icon and a legend for being a rumoured female knight. To have her in your presence was an honour. “My apologies for not recognizing you any sooner, Lady Mai!”

“Stand up, I’m not a royal,” she sniggered, “We’re just relatives of the actual monarch, but don’t let the family name fool you. The Crown Prince barely even acknowledges us being of the same blood.”

Albeit hesitant, you followed her gestures of making you stand up. You straightened your back and cleared your throat, fighting the urge to go haywire the moment his name was brought into the conversation. Not only would you be seeing Prince Naoya again in real life for the first time in years, but you’d also made acquaintances with his distant niece. However, his name was spoken with malice.

Frowning, you faced Lady Mai in all seriousness. “Prince Naoya? Why so?” Lady Mai looked at you like you’d grown two heads.

“He’s an ass, that’s why.”

“I-I don’t think he is,” you defended, “The Prince has been nothing but kind to me.”

“I didn’t know he was capable of kindness,” she muttered more so under her breath, low enough you were unsure whether you were supposed to hear it in the first place. Lady Mai then shook her head to herself before stealing a flute from a waiter passing by. Chucking it your way, her face turned dark and grim. “Take it as free advice: stay as far away from his as possible. The Crown Prince is nothing but good news.”

“Is it because he has lots of lovers?” you inquired with a small voice, “Uhm – well – It was an assumption. With a title and handsomeness like that, it would make sense everyone would want to be the Crown Prince’s lover.”

Lady Mai’s lip curled upwards. “Prince Naoya won’t bother with lovers. He is too occupied for that.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Heard from whom?”

“The Royal Declaration from His Majesty himself,” you said, “Was it not the purpose of this ball? To find worthy candidates to be the Crown Prince’s betrothed? His coronation is coming soon.”

“Right. I forgot today was technically a bridal market,” she scratched the edge of her brow, falling silent for a moment. Her eyes scanned the lively crowd for a brief moment – watching with you as everyone laughed and danced to their heart’s content – the grand final event of the routine personal dance with the Crown Prince himself slowly approaching to reality. “You are joining in the festivities, are you not? Later, when he arrives, he shall meet you.”

“I am obligated to as a noble bachelorette, though I doubt His Highness would even look my way. There are far richer noblewomen here and even daughters of duke that would be perfect as his wife. ”

“You may have a point for that,” she hummed to herself, unaware that her agreement to the Crown Prince not paying attention to you left a sting both in your ego and heart. Not that it lasted long, for Lady Mai was already tugged on the arm by another equally fiercely beautiful woman – her older twin, Maki Zen’in. Soon to be governon-general of the Kingdom.

Lady Mai smiled in apology. “I need to go now since I’m not a part of this event. But hey, if ever I come around to visit the Borders again, perhaps you could entertain me?”

“I would be honoured to, Lady Mai.”

“You are sweet and innocent,” it was her sister who spoke this time, glasses perched high on her nose that concealed the wariness of her gaze. “I hope the Crown Prince never gets to your routine.”

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s nothing; she was talking to herself. Maki does that a lot,” Lady Mai’s forced chuckles were barely heard from the music. “You enjoy the party now. Don’t drink too much lest you want to embarrass yourself in everyone’s eyes and be talk of the Kingdom. Prince Naoya would hate it if you took the attention away from him.”

“Oh, uhm...”

“It’s a joke, Lady Y/N. Relax.”

You bowed once more. “My apologies.”

“The dance is about to begin,” Maki tapped on your shoulder, making you look up right where her eyes zeroed in. And exactly in the middle of the grandiose hall, under the sparkling golden chandeliers where he made all the gold in the world look incomparable next to him, the Crown Prince stood in his fully glory. Blond hair with the ends stained of midnight gelled back to reveal his forehead, the Crown Prince’s beauty never failed to shine. Whether it be in the papers, in the tabloids, in the billboards that you passed on the way to the city, or from way back when you met him for the first time as a naive, innocent teen – Crown Prince Naoya came straight out of a magazine cover.

In the back of your head, you could hear either of the twins murmuring good luck. Maybe both of them had said it – you had no idea. All of your attention, all the sensibility and coherence of your state had been switched the next instant, as if your heart and soul was born for the sole purpose of being bewitched by your Crown Prince.

And as if feeling someone’s gaze on him, the Crown Prince’s eyes trailed over the crowd. Almost boredly, his sharp eyes bounced from one giggling woman to another, the ends of his lips smirking upwards for just the tiniest bit. It must’ve stroked his ego. Until his eyes connected with yours. The Crown Prince’s eyebrows knitted together. You had no idea how you looked in that moment, and quite frankly, you didn’t care. Because the Crown Prince was looking at you, and you were looking at him with hearts in your eyes along with your heart pulsing at the tip of your tongue.

“Let us begin,” his lips moved from the distance, “Play the music. I shall dance with my bride.”

The air shifted in a split second. Murmurs were thrown over the room, women and men alike turning pale. Even the orchestra was stunned from the Crown Prince’s entrance – and it hadn’t even been dramatic to his standards – yet the whole castle fell mum from just a few of his words. A few seconds later, the crowd recomposed itself, and the strings began to dance along with its bows.

You are pushed into the crowd. Nearly colliding into the arms of another, you quietly thank the masked man who was to be your first partner of the night.

All the men joining the dance floor dressed with the intention of making the Crown Prince shine. Prince Naoya stood out from the throng of white as per the colour code, his blood red uniform as both Prince with the golden crest of the military leader pinned to his right breast. The other men meant to be filler partners until all the potential brides got to their designated three minutes with the Prince were all dressed in black, faces covered behind a plain black mask. None were allowed to talk. None were allowed to utter even a word, and so your partner pursed his lips in displeasure at your apology.

Whatever. You just had to wait a few more rounds before the song finished and transitioned into a new one; the song where you’d been informed would be your time alone with the Prince.

You’d been so lost in your head you barely breathed the entire dance. From partner to partner, you blanked. Your heart drummed so wildly in its cage it begged to come out, and strings of apologies were let out each time your masked partners grimaced for a brief second when their hands came in contact with your sweaty ones. Around you, all the lovely women smiled and danced graciously, mouths moving in unreadable conversations shared with the Crown Prince. Not once did you look at the six partners you’ve danced with. Not once did you worry about tripping on your own feet. Not once did you care that some of the masked men held you a little too roughly for your comfort. Your entire reason for existing in that moment was to witness the Crown Prince himself, mirroring his frown that got deeper and deeper with each woman retreating to the sea of people he’d rejected.

Not once did you even think about being one of them – the girls who’ve ducked their heads down as their parents comforted them over not being the chosen one, of bringing ‘dishonour’ to their families that the mighty Crown Prince had deemed them unworthy. Tears streamed down their faces until black ink followed afterwards, lips trembling from silent sobs.

Despite their broken prides – although there was that minority who simply sighed in relief after returning to their own families – no one would dare interrupt the Crown Prince’s dances.

All of these thoughts crossed your mind too late and at the exact time your masked partner pulled away from you, body half bent in a bow with his arm outstretched to the side. Following where he was gesturing at, your eyes met the Crown Prince’s tall and lean stature, a few blond fringes now fallen from his movements.

Even though a thin layer of sweat shone from his face, Prince Naoya remained ethereal.

And like a snake charmed by the musician’s seductive tone, your feet moved on its own. Fingers stretching until it met with the Crown Prince’s large and warm ones, you were now in front of him. With him. Holding him, touching him, meeting him eye for eye and realizing – gold. His eyes burned a deep shade of gold, elegantly rich and heartbreakingly stunning your heart ached.

Before you knew it, your hands began to tremble, feeling as if your body had been corded into a corset three sizes smaller. You could not breathe, and the Crown Prince took notice.

“You are stiff. Do I make you uncomfortable?” Good Saint. If only possible, you would’ve closed your eyes and basked in the deep warmth of his voice. It reverberated from deep within, breathed out with an air of natural authority and profound confidence it made your knees weak. As if sensing his effect on you (though for the wrong reasons, it seemed), Prince Naoya hummed to himself. “This routine shall last for a few minutes before I can let you go, I’m afraid.”

You instantly realized the implications of your silence. “N-not at all, Your Highness! I am honoured to be dancing with you.”

“There is no honour in a choreographed dance. Everyone will dance with me. It’s nothing special.”

Your heart fell. Prince Naoya not only sounded dejected, but detached as well. As if he found no pleasure or specialty in this event, at a time where he had every opportunity to meet his lover, and that this ball was merely a task to be checked off in his already long list of responsibilities. It wasn’t disappointment, per se, but rather melancholy that left a bitter taste in your mouth. Not because Prince Naoya held little to no regards for something you treasured, but because he sounded terribly alone. Like he was simply waiting for it to end out of discomfort.

“It’s special to me, Your Highness,” you blurted out faster than you could stop yourself. For a moment, you feared you may have offended him, but the Crown Prince only laughs.

And when he did – saint, when he laughed – his eyes crinkled into half moons, pearly whites flashing against the bright lights and his whole chest shook with amusement.

You’d never seen him smile this way before.

Prince Naoya’s laughter didn’t cease. Around you, your gut instincts told that people were now beginning to look; the Crown Prince’s deep rumbles of laughter sounded exquisitely like music as well, after all. “ Is it special to you because you are now dancing and within the Crown Prince’s proximity? As much as I presume how exhilarating it might be for those who mostly see me in the papers and in the tabloids, I assure you, dancing with your Prince is not an honour. Especially when you are all sent the invitations based on your status and not your worthy traits.”

“It’s special to me,” you mumbled, growing shy all of a sudden when the Crown Prince nodded at you to continue. “Because...because it reminds me of the first time we met.”

The Crown Prince hummed in amusement.

“We have met before?”

“Yes, Your Highness. I’m from the Terratian Borders – my father is a loyal servant of His Majesty. You visited the borders when you were eighteen and I was sixteen. Do you remember it, Your Highness? You stormed in my private library.”

Indeed, the young barely-out-of-his-teens Crown Prince barged into your home’s library years ago. You were not previously informed he and his parents would be visiting since they arrived wordlessly, so you were stuck in your chambers as usual, killing time if not for sleeping and tending to the animals. Perched on a ladder, you attempted to reach for a book on the upper shelf when your foot slipped beneath you. At the age of sixteen, you were dramatic enough to say your life flashed before your eyes. You would’ve screamed then had strong arms not appeared out of nowhere, the Crown Prince staring at you with wide, golden eyes as they were now, his breathy rasped as he asked, are you okay, my lady?

The mere recollection of that fateful memory had your cheeks warming in delight. “You were so charming and heroic back then. Even when I had no idea you were a royal, I would have still believed you to be princely,” you said rather absentmindedly, blinking once then twice at your words. “Of course, it’s understandable if you do not remember, Your Highness!”

“My apologies. I do not remember, though Terratia is a wonderful place. Such a shame I was not informed beforehand they had a lovely daughter.”

“Thank you, Your Highness,” you cheered back, cheeks and jaw beginning to ache from how wide you were smiling. But could anyone blame you? You felt absolutely silly that you were a breath away from passing out minutes ago, and now here you were, dancing with the Crown Prince and sharing memories with him like it was a daily occurrence. The words it’s true love when you feel at peace with them suddenly rang back at your head from that latest romance novel you read, and you turned away, hoping the Crown Prince would not read your thoughts to your face. However, Prince Naoya’s lips pursed into a thin line, all traces of humour now disappeared. “I’m sorry – should I not have laughed?”

“No, I don’t mind,” he mused with his jaw locked tight, “I just haven’t seen anyone react that way before.”

“Like what?”

“Like my words meant the entire universe to them. I may dare even say you look terribly in love, though I cannot blame you on that one, can I?”

Prince Naoya shook his head the minute the words left his mouth. Forcing himself to believe it couldn’t be real, perhaps, you truly did not know anymore. Your only plan for tonight was to see the Crown Prince and get to live out your dream of seeing him once more even for just a brief moment before you travelled back home while he married another, and yet – “Your Highness, I’m in love with you. I have always been since the day we met.”

You could no longer stop the words. The voice at the back of your head begged you to shut up and not cause a scene, that your time had passed up and people were staring, yet you remained in his arms no matter how much you wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow you whole.

“Please do not misunderstand me, Your Highness. I did not come here to attempt to steal your heart and be your wife, though I will admit I have dreamt of meeting you again for so many moons. I...I only want to tell you this. That I love you and even though it was a brief moment, I think the love I’ve always read about felt real and possible for the first time in my life,” chuckling nervously, you gather to courage to face him, adoration shining for the Crown Prince stood shock still before you, however stunned he may be. “I love you, Your Highness. I love you. And to whoever lucky woman you choose to be your betrothed, I hope she takes care of you and showers you with all the affection you are deserving of. You would make a great King. So God help his Crown Prince, and may you lead us all into a better world.”

Prince Naoya did not budge a muscle. His eyes remained hard on yours, breath warm as his nostrils fumed. With each passing second that he did not speak, you grew restless and tugged your arm away from his hold with a disgraceful smile.

You’d truly crossed your line. The repercussions to be faced for this impoliteness would destroy your family’s honour. You had to leave. “Your Highness? The song has changed. It’s time to let go—”

The Crown Prince inched close enough until his hair tickled your cheeks, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine as he pulled you close, close enough that your lower bodies touched. Skin ablaze with heat, you dared not move an inch. “Do you mean it?” he demanded lowly, his fingers ghosting over your wrist to hold you in place. “Do you truly love me? Not for what I have, not for who I was born to be, but me as a person itself?”

Closing your eyes to shudder in a deep breath, you exhaled. “Of course, Your Highness. Even if you were not born as a Prince, I’m sure I would’ve still loved you in a different universe.”

“But I do not know you.”

“We don’t have to know each other, Your Highness, and we never will. Once you let me go, I’ll return to the shadows where I belong, and I will continue supporting you until the day of your coronation.”

“And if I refuse to let you go?” he clicked his tongue, “What will you do then?”

The Crown Prince’s spicy perfume must be an aphrodisiac or hypnotizer of sorts. Everything he did messed with your mind that it was too late – the music had stopped and people were no longer drinking or chatting. Everyone’s eyes were on you and the Crown Prince. You could only imagine how controversial this position must be; with his lips trailing dangerously close to that sensitive spot in your neck where you nearly moaned. You really needed to leave.

“P-people are looking, Your Highness. You do not want this affair with someone you won’t choose—”

“Who said I won’t choose you?” Finally, he pulled away. But Prince Naoya never once tore his gaze away from yours, nor did he allow you to look at anyone but him as he caresses your jaw so light and feathery you wondered if he was truly there.“Who said I haven’t laid my eyes on you the moment you walked in here? This ball is for naught because of you, Lady Y/N. I’ve already made my choice, and you helped me confirm it as soon as you danced with me.”

“Your Highness...”

“Look at me,” he ordered, your eyes flitting from his pinkish lips to his sharp nose and then to his fox-like gaze. Only this time, Prince Naoya was no longer harsh. “Don’t be scared.”

“But they’re looking.”

“You are with me, of course they’ll look,” he teased, “They wish to be you right now. But ignore them and dance one more time with me.”

It wasn’t like you had a choice, but did it matter? One nod from him was all it took before the orchestra fumbled back to their spots and a new song played, Ode of Moonlight Lovers, and the Crown Prince was guiding you back to where he had originally danced with you.

From the corners of your eyes, you caught a glimpse of your parents with their mouths gaped open; your father looking like he was on the verge of passing out. However, you felt nothing but joy, nothing but the adrenaline pumping through your veins as he danced and twirled you in his arms. When the music stopped and you were both panting for air with silly smiles on your face, it dawned on you that you were with the Prince. No, rather, it was only you and the Prince alone. Even in the sea of people whose faces began to blur, he prevailed crystal clear.

You could recognize him anywhere, find him everywhere.

Prince Naoya stepped impossibly closer until your chests touched, hearts beating as one. Cupping your jaw, he was near enough that he swallowed all your shaky breaths with a small, teasing smile like you both shared a secret the entire world could not know.

“Do I still make you nervous?”

Laughing, you nodded. “Yes, Your Highness. I feel like I’m going to explode.”

“It’s beloved now,” he corrected, face inching closer and closer to a point you could count the number of his lower lashes. “And what do lovers do to seal their union?”

“M-Marriage?”

“Close, but this is much better.”

If anyone were to tell you that you would have a love story ripped out straight from a fairytale, you would’ve laughed at their faces. You were no Cinderella, nor were you a goddess of beauty that could’ve possibly caught the Crown Prince’s eye. Yet, his soft lips were on yours, kissing you with as much passion you could only dream of that you cried.

Strong hands guiding the back of your waist, Prince Naoya dipped you lower to the ground – the grand of finish of his dance. He had chosen his bride.

The crowd cheered and rejoiced all around you, making you smile into the kiss. Fisting his collar to bring him closer to yours, your mouth burst into metaphorical fireworks as soon as his tongue mingled with yours for an experimental taste. He was bitter yet sweet; expensive wine resting on his tongue, yet a delicate vanilla sat heavily on his soft lips that molded with yours. It was a taste you could spend forever being addicted on. And you were crying, crying so much your chest ached and the Prince’s cheeks grew damp from yours. You’d dreamt of this for so long, too long now.

Prince Naoya slowly pulled you away, his thumb wiping the tears away from the pads of your cheeks with tenderness in his touch. However, the Prince was not satisfied. The crowd whooped as he leant down to kiss your forehead. “You are mine now, my princess.”

Looping his hands with yours, the Crown Prince led you out of the castle. The crowd parted naturally to make way for the new couple, and you were left staring at his broad back and the tuft of blond hair where you’d soon find out how soft it would be. Sending one last glance to your crying parents, you waved goodbye. You had no idea where the Crown Prince would take you but you were already bunching your dress up, heart completely filled with trust you did not question it. What mattered tonight and for the rest of your life was that it felt right. That it was him – your beloved Prince Naoya Zen’in and soon to be husband – that you’d follow through the moon and back.

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lazypeachsoul · 3 years

Text

I wouldn't want to spend a minute lovin' anybody else.

Warnings: this fic has some sad moments and mentions of the blip. also kind of AU because I'm completely ignoring Natasha's canon end.

Word count: 4,2k (i got very carried away with this fic)

Summary: · Meeting the right person at the wrong time can be life changing when it doesn’t work out the way we desire. But if it's meant to be it will always happen, right?

A/N: This is my fic for the "Women of Marvel xReader Exchange" created by @marvelxreaderfanfictionfest . It was created for @im-holding-ontoyou and I hope you like it! gif by @natasharomanovgifs 🌼 ALSO; i haven't watched Black Widow yet so I'm sorry if something in this fic doesn't fit the new info we got about natasha.

Masterlist.

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New York, 2015.

When you received the call from one of your bosses that you had a new case you would have never imagined how big that case would turn out to be.

You had been working for one of the most important law firms in New York for a year now, and you were getting kind of used to reading cases that would be narrated in the papers for months. Rich and entitled men, big divorces were they fight over who gets the yacht, one or two murder cases... if it revolved around the powerful people of New York city, your firm would get it.

When you got to the debriefing and were told that Tony Stark, one of the firm's most important clients, asked your team for assistance in the creation of some legislation with the newly created “Advanced Threat Containment Unit” you were more than surprised.

The events that the Avengers had caused (or saved us from, there were different opinions going around) in the small country of Sokovia were known all around the and it was only time before the most powerful officials asked for the regulation of ‘superhero activity’.

You weren’t important enough to actually attend the meetings that took place with the government, seeing as you had only passed your bar exam a little over a year prior, but you were deemed cheerful and nice enough to act as a nexus between the firm and the client.

For months you spent your days talking to Tony Stark and other members of The Avengers trying to explain what was being talked about. The first few meetings were a disaster, seeing as the mood was somber for the lives lost and nobody really understood your legal jargon. But slowly you started to transform your language and really tried to make the meetings as easy as possible for everyone present.

But who were you kidding, they really didn’t care about the meetings or the silly attorney being sent to explain something that was way above their paycheck. Well, at least Stark was gracious enough to set a coffee station with some pastries for the meeting. You were pouring the hot liquid into your to-go cup when your hand jerked and the hot liquid splashed your hand.

You could feel the sting of the burn but avoided further sudden movements trying not to make it worse. Before you could reach for a napkin to clean up the mess you made, a more dexterous and manicured hand reached for them and exchanged the hot cup in your hand for the bunch of papers.

“Careful, Stark always serves boiling coffee. I think it’s to mask that it’s not the best quality.”

You lifted your gaze from your hand and found a pair of deep green eyes gazing back. You would have thought that spending numerous meetings in the company of superheroes would make you less susceptible to their powerful auras, but being this close to Natasha Romanoff made your heart beat a bit faster.

“Yeah, I found out the hard way.” You joked, lifting your hand a bit. “You would guess one of the richest people in the world would actually serve good coffee...”

Seeing her crack a smile made you feel less tense. Sometimes you forget they are still normal people. Normal people who could kill you with their bare hands and had superhuman powers. She placed your cup on the food table, apparently not bothered by how hot it must have been, and pushed her hand in your direction.

“I’m Natasha Romanoff.” You wrapped your hand around hers and shook it, biting your tongue trying not to tell her of course you knew her name. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself in earlier meetings, we were all trying to come to terms with what had happened.”

“No worries, I can only imagine how hard it must have been for all of you.” You nodded and tried to show her sympathy, trying to avoid thinking about all the lives affected by the fight. “Oh sorry, I’m-”

Natasha quickly cut you off, speaking your name before you could even say it. You could feel your cheeks get warmer at the idea that they actually knew who you were, and she probably could sense your mood change because she quickly explained.

“I know who you are, you send us at least two emails a week about these meetings and FRIDAY always announces you before you arrive.”

“Who announces me?” You asked curiously at the mention of a name you recognized.

“FRIDAY. It’s the name of Stark’s AI technology. It works all around the tower and it’s there to make life easier for everyone.” She explained pointing around at the speakers strategically placed around the room.

“Oh, I get emails from Friday sometimes. Most of them are asking me to translate or explain something about the debriefing because Mr.Stark is not interested in legal terms.” Both you and Natasha laughed at the thought.

But she quickly recomposed and tried to look serious again when she heard her teammates coming in to get ready for the meeting.

“I wanted to ask you about that. Do you think we could schedule a meeting so that you could explain some things about the legislation of the A.T.C.U.?” She spoke lower than she had when the two of you were alone and you wondered why she didn’t want her colleagues to know about the meeting.

“Ye-Yeah, of course I can.” You were confused but thought it would be in your best interest, and the firm’s, to say yes to the proposal. And a meeting with a very attractive and definitely interesting woman was not something that happened constantly for you.

“Great, thank you.” She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand that you hadn’t even realized was still wrapped around hers from the introduction. “I can promise you better coffee.”

You could only hum in response, still trying to piece together what she might want from the meeting. But your thoughts were quickly cut off when Stark entered the room and you moved to start the reunion.

During the entire meeting you could feel the dull pain in your hand from the scorching coffee and the feeling of a pair of green eyes watching your every move.

Vienna, 2016.

The situation had only gone downhill from the Battle of Sokovia. The public’s opinion on the Avengers was at an all-time-low and that made terrorist groups bold. They knew that if they struck and caused enough chaos, the blame would fall on the good guys that tried to stop them.

The only thing that seemed to be a stable thing in your life was Natasha. Well, as stable as dating a superhero might be. She was busy a lot, but you understood the importance of her job and you were quite busy too gaining importance within the law firm.

And even if sometimes terrorists and criminals got in the way you still found a moment to spend together, wrapped around each other without having to think about how messed up life was.

You thought Lagos was the blow that would make everything tumble, the Sokovia accords were unveiled and it broke the Avengers, and your girlfriend. You could feel how torn she was at her decision of some of her friends to oppose the signing and go on the run, and her own decision to subordinate to the United Nations mandate. But you realized how small that had been when king T’Chaka was killed at the UN.

You had been at the UN as part of the USA legal team that participated in the writing and monitoring of the accords. Your participation in the negotiations almost broke your relationship but you were able to recover once you explained your position and Natasha actually came to an understanding of it.

Natasha was also in Vienna when everything went down, you hadn’t managed to properly see her because she was one of the signers and they sat at the assembly while other guests sat at the amphitheater watching the retransmission.

You hadn’t been able to properly see her all day, seeing as she took a detour before flying to Austria. You were only able to communicate through texts where you tried to make the situation more comfortable for her and she promised a peaceful european trip to celebrate the signing.

When the bomb went off and all hell broke loose the first thing you tried to do was look for her, she was at the epicenter of the explosion and you just wanted to see if she was okay. You saw her from afar when you were being pushed to the outside of the building while they swiped the perimeter.

She sat with T’Challa before he jumped from the bench and stomped away. Natasha looked around and your gazes crossed, immediately melting away some of the worry. You tried to push your way through the crowd to get to her, but police and security didn’t budge.

You never took your eyes off of her, scared that if you did she would disappear. But she did move her gaze to her phone and the look that crossed her face when she heard the voice at the other side told you it was a very important call.

Once the call was over and she looked at you again you knew that would probably be the last time you would see her in some time. You hadn’t known Natasha as long as some of her colleagues had, but you could proudly say you could understand what she wanted to say with just a look. And the look on her face in that moment read close to a goodbye.

New York, 2018.

It had been two years since the fall of Helmut Zemo and part of the Avengers was still on the run. And it maybe wouldn’t have had that big of an impact on you if it wasn’t because Natasha had also been on the run for that long.

You had heard about what happened at the Leipzig airport and how Natasha had changed alliances to join Captain America’s fight. You had been heartbroken at the news knowing that any resemblance of normality that you still hope for was destroyed.

You had spent months wondering what had made her change her mind. Had she thought about your conversations about the accords? Had she even remembered you, waiting for her back in New York, when she decided to go on the run?

A part of you tried to convince you of how selfish thinking about that was, why would she think about you when the future of her team and friends was at stake? But also you were her girlfriend, she should have thought about the implications that might have had for you.

In those years you had mourned your relationship and after the grieving period you tried to rebuild your life. New friends, a new position and new chances to take. And it went okay...at least until someone opened their mouth to talk about superheroes or The Avengers. Years down the line and it was still on people’s minds.

On special occasions you would receive anonymous gifts at your office or your apartment. The first birthday after the war you sobbed for fifteen minutes when you saw the bunch of flowers. There was no name or indicative of who might have sent them, that was until you looked better at the card and saw the small red hourglass painted in the corner.

The gifts continued. Every case you won, promotion, birthday or holiday a bunch of flowers would be delivered to you with the same note.

In a way it gave you a sense of peace knowing she was okay and still thought of you. But the more you thought about it the angrier you got at how she had left you.

You didn’t expect a message from your boss to run to the Avengers compound and assess some situation between Coronel Rhodes and Thaddeus Ross. Although the team had crumbled, your company was still hired to legally represent the remaining members and moderate situations that might arise with the government.

You entered the compound expecting another bureaucratic complaint about their activity but you found a trickier situation. The meeting room was filled with people you thought you would never see again.

Captain Rogers was sitting on one of the chairs sporting a new look that made you almost not recognize him and a tense demeanor. Next to him was Sam Wilson, looking around at the smallest of movements and trying to assess the situation. Wanda Maximoff was standing on the furthest corner of the room playing with her rings, meanwhile Vision was apparently being checked out for a wound. What kind of wounds a synthezoid could get was beyond your understanding.

“Thank you for coming so quickly, I might have angered Secretary Ross during a meeting.” Rhodey came up to you with a nervous smile.

You had gotten closer to him thanks to your job seeing as he was the one doing the dirty superhero work.

“Yeah, I got that much from the text. Nothing new then.” You tried to joke to diffuse the tension in the room. “It would have been nice to know you had guests though.”

“We are not guests. Last time I checked this was our home too.”

That voice made your blood freeze. You should have expected her there, all her friends had returned and the chance of her being back too was almost 100%. But hearing her voice again after two years was not something you expected.

You bit your tongue before you could talk about how it’s not a home if you abandon it, but decided against it. This was a fight between them, not Natasha and you.

“I need you to work with the government to avoid this situation becoming a disaster.” Rhodey explained and you scoffed.

“Rhodey, I’m a lawyer not a politician. I have as much power in this as you might have.” You tried to lay your point across but it was difficult with all eyes on the interaction. “Hell, I have even less power than you do.”

“Then I need you to distract them enough to get them off our shoulders.” He pressed. “Something big is coming and we need all the strength we can get.”

You thought about it for a moment. If it was true that something big was coming, the Avengers were the best option to fight it.

“I’m in.” You scoffed at his smile and sat down in one of the chairs of the meeting room. “I’m not ready for the world to end yet.”

The meeting went on for a while. You called bosses, government officials and everyone that would listen to your distractions. You sent emails that would flood their inboxes for days so that they couldn’t read any news that might reach them about what the superheroes had in mind.

It was late at night when a cup of steaming liquid was placed next to you. You looked at it and saw that it was some kind of herbal tea, probably made to relax the drinker. You followed the hand that was still holding the mug until you reached Natasha’s face.

You had done your best to ignore her looming presence in the room but now there was no distraction. Looking at her you could see tiredness in her face. She was platinum blonde now, a look that weirdly suited her, but her face still looked as welcoming to you as it always did.

You tried to stop the flashbacks to the last time you saw it in person in Vienna, but they kept replaying in your head until her voice broke you out of the loop.

“I thought you might need it, I remember how nervous calls used to make you.”

She was smiling but you could tell it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I got over it since I got my promotion. Now I spend a long portion of my day making calls.”

She hummed and sat down next two you, but leaving a chair in between you as a safe space.

“I read about it in an article, I sent you flowers to celebrate.”

“I got them. And the Christmas ones. On my birthday too.” You enumerated the times you had gotten the plants in the past two years. “You must have spent an awful amount of money buying me so many flowers.”

“You deserved it, you still do.” She shrugged and that’s when you noticed she had her own mug of warm tea in her other hand. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to celebrate with you.”

You laughed into your mug sarcastically. Out of everything you expected her to say this wasn’t one of them.

“Did you really? Because you didn’t seem to consider me much when you went on the run for two years.”

Natasha paled when she heard your tone. She probably wasn’t used to situations like these but you weren’t going to let her go without an apology at least.

“I was trying to do the best for-”

“-for the world. I get it, Natasha, I do.” You tried to contain your emotions but it was getting harder with every word. “Relationships are supposed to be teamwork. I know you are always too busy playing heroes and I never judged you for that, I just wish you would have trusted me enough to tell me before you disappeared.”

She was silent and knowing Natasha it’s because she was probably overwhelmed with the display of feelings. But she needed to hear how bad you had felt.

After minutes of waiting for an answer from her and getting nothing but sighs you shook your head and looked back at the computer screen.

“I guess it was a case of the right person, wrong time.” You shrugged trying to find distraction in the flurry of letters in your email inbox. “Or at least it was for me.”

She got up from her seat without a word and you grew exasperated. Why had she even approached you if then she wasn’t willing to have an adult, two sided conversation? She was almost at the door when you heard her voice again.

“Please never doubt how much I love you. I made some bad choices but dating you was not one of them.”

New York, 2024.

Time apparently flies by when you are erased from the face of the earth. One day you are in your office working late and the next you appear five years in the future with no recollection of what might have happened.

You were taken by authorities to impromptu camps and one by one examined to check your identities. The entire thing seemed to be something out of one of the dystopian novels you used to read as a teenager.

When it was your turn you gave them all the information you had on what had happened. You had given them your name and personal information and apparently had been a very searched person because the computer started beeping as soon as your name was introduced in the database.

You were moved to a secluded part of the camp and kept in an isolated room for god knows how long. Your stomach was in knots during the entire situation and you could feel the cold sweat on you. That mixed with the metallic taste on your tongue you knew this time your anxiety was justified. You were almost dizzy because of how hard you were thinking about the entire situation and trying to make sense of it.

When you heard the door of the room open you jumped up, discarding on the floor a makeshift blanket that had been placed on your shoulders when you got there. Your legs almost gave out at the movement and your heart felt like it was going to burst out.

The door opened enough for you to see who had been searching for you. Natasha stepped through the door still dressed in her tactic gear and with tiredness written all over her face. But that feeling seemed to almost disappear when she finally saw you.

With quick movements she stepped into the room and wrapped her arms around you tightly. For some reason that action was the trigger that you needed to let all your emotions consume you.

You started sobbing uncontrollably at the unknown. You didn’t understand what happened or how you are here, but feeling her embrace helped you feel safe in a way. It had been years since you last hugged her but it still felt as good as back in 2015.

You could hear Natasha’s soothing shushes in between your sobs and you moved to hold her tighter.

“You are here. I can’t believe I found you again.” She spoke softly and you didn’t know if she was speaking to you or herself. “It’s okay darling. I’m here and I’m not letting you go again. I promise.”

And with that promise a ray of hope made way between all the fear you felt.

Missouri, 2025.

Soft music could be heard all around the ground floor of the house. The soft beat was upbeat enough to get the morning started but not enough to be overwhelming if you had just woken up. You were sitting on the kitchen island looking at the news on your phone and having breakfast.

Mornings were usually very calm around the homestead and you couldn’ be more thankful for that. It allowed you to silently prepare your breakfast and coffee and get a headstart on Natasha’s breakfast too.

Since she had retired, Natasha had discovered a newfound love for sleeping in and you didn’t dare to take that away from her. She deserved it from all the work she had done in her life.

You, meanwhile, tried to get up early to scroll through the cases that you got in your new and smaller job and schedule meetings or emails.

It was a Saturday so work wasn’t a thing and you could actually enjoy your toast and coffee in peace. Or at least until a pair of arms wrapped themselves around your middle and pulled you back against Natasha.

“Good morning baby, how did you sleep?”

“Like a baby.” You could feel her smile when she kissed your cheek from behind. “You weren’t there when I woke up though.”

You shrugged before moving to get a bite out of your toast. Natasha tried to do the same but you quickly moved it away from her with a smile. She tried again and you moved as fast as your reflexes allowed you.

“C’mon baby, give me a bite” “No, it’s my toast. You can make your own.” “But it tastes better when you make it.” “No it doesn’t, don’t be lazy.”

The playful fight continued for a few moments until she got close enough to get a small bit but you moved it again.

“Don’t make me bite you, darling.”

You chuckled at her threat and plopped the remaining toast on the plate in front of you. Breakfast didn’t matter much anymore. You threw yourself into her arms and pressed your lips against hers. It wasn’t a slow and sensual kiss, it was closer to how small kids smooch their parents. But you knew it would convey your love more deeply.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Nat.” You spoke against her lips and squaked when you felt her playfully nip at your bottom lip.

“Is now a good time?”

That question had become recurring in your household, a nod to the phrase you said when you found eachother again after being separated the first time.

“I couldn’t think of a more perfect time.”

And you couldn’t. The rest of your life spent in a homestead with your girlfriend and whatever life might bring? It sounded absolutely delightful.

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