#the way things ended was so so messy

[tabbytiger]

.

#13 #the way things ended was so so messy #because they started to replace me with other people and started not hanging out with me as much anymore #I felt so betrayed like you couldnt have stabbed me deeper and twisted any harder #And when I went and had the final talk of cutting thrm off they blamed me #i think im just so torned up over it because the last talks we had they just kept bringing up that i never said anything when i had promise #to speak up #that shit was such a fucking kick to the teeth #to have been miserable for years and shouldered it for years #out of fear that if you had they wouldnt have hurt themselves or you #and at the end of it to have them use that as leverage against you to really drive it to the heart that YOU were the problem #Like you could not have stabbed me and twistef that knife any deeper or harder #like years of being put on a pedestal and to be told you were shit by someone you poured your life into #and I felt like i had to be the perfect fucking friend #it was suffocating #Like I know i should be so angry but im just so disgusted by the thought that i was a bad friend i cant get past the fucking guilt #just like the guilt of hurting them once even though they’ve dobe nothing but hurt me its fuckibg insane #Like god #Im not proud of the shit i said at all. All the pent up anger and frustration over the course of it all just fucking leapt out. #I guess i feel bad about feeling angry because they’ve just made themselve out to be the victim so perfectly i still cant help but #blame myself

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Izutsumi character study

#dungeon meshi #izutsumi #One of my goals for this year was to spend more time doing art studies. #What better way to start than with my favourite danmeshi character (not seen: a whole page of figuring out her features) #I feel like she is by far one of the most poorly understood characters in the series. Partially due to her 'late party member' status. #'She's abrasive and mean' - 'she's a picky eater' - 'she's a catgirl who acts like an asshole cat ' YES and that is the point! #Everyone in dungeon meshi is traumatized and messy about it but izutsumi is just less polite in how she tries to cope. #Izutsumi is a extremely traumatized teenager who has utterly lacked autonomy her entire life. #She is the epitome of a “If I can just have X thing then all my problems will be solved!” character. And the X is 'Freedom'. #Her epilogue was one of the best and wrapped up her character so wonderfully (WARNING: I WILL NOW SPOIL PART OF THE ENDING) #Because she finally gets her freedom! She can go where she wants to and she doesn't need anybody! Yet...it doesn't fix her. #She is so focused on doing only what she wants that she forgets her own needs. Sometimes you have to eat the things you don't want. #And sometimes you have to face the hard truths that you need more than just one thing to make you happy. #Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow. #Eat your vegetables (including the metaphorical ones: I am eating more art veggies this year by doing art studies!!!)

[angeart]

hhau rescue rambles - part II

>> part I here // hhau masterpost here <<

The hermits are here to take Scar home but Grian is gone and Scar can’t leave without him, even if the others would promise to look for him. (They won’t find him, they won’t, they won’t. Scar knows how vast these forests are. He knows how many hiding spots there are tucked away if one knows where to look.) (They don’t know where to look.)

They’re not listening to him. He’s half-feral and panicked and desperate, barely making any sense. He keeps saying he needs to find Grian, but he looks half-crazed, clothes stained by a huge amount of blood and—

If it looks, a little bit, like he’s just in frenzied denial of some grief? That maybe something happened and Grian isn’t here anymore? The world is permadeath, after all. The rescue party isn’t sure what to think.

Of course they promise to look for Grian. Of course they’ll try. But first, let’s get you somewhere safe, Scar.

Scar panics and backs away and says he isn’t going anywhere until they find Grian. He’s so so afraid they’ll take him away and he’ll never find him. (He keeps imagining that wretched scream he heard that very first day he found Grian, a year ago. How close of a call that was.) (He thinks of finding him after the mimic incident, barely surviving. Wounded and bloodied and ready to collapse.) (He thinks of Grian sobbing as he begs Scar to never leave him again.)

He can’t leave him behind. He can’t.

He won’t.

He’s done everything he can up to this point and if this is his last fight? Then damn it, he’s going to go out swinging. He is going to find Grian. Even if he has to fight his saviours. (They’re enemies if they’re trying to separate him and Grian—) 

He growls and lashes out and his vex magic comes through. The hermits are stunned and a little bit afraid and a whole lot confused. They’ve never seen him like this, hair white and claws ready to tear. (Cub, especially, is terrified of this development. Knowing that if Scar pushes himself too far in his vex form, he could die.) 

They try to placate him, calm him down, reassure him. They try to get the damn teleportation bracelet on him. They keep telling him they can take him home, it’s okay, Scar, it’s okay.

It’s not okay.

He isn’t leaving without Grian, and he isn’t trusting anyone else with this.

So he runs.

He runs from his friends—from people he loves with all his heart; people he thought he’ll never see again. Runs from the promise of home and safety and this hell being finally over. 

He runs, because he can’t take the salvation if he can’t share it with Grian.

Everything’s a bit of a blur as he rushes through the forest, looking for something to tell him where Grian is. He’s fully in his vex form, senses sharp and heart panicked, calling out, desperate for Grian to reply. 

There’s no answer.

Scar sees it, then: a handful of ripped-out feathers and blood.

His heart jumps into his throat, but he laser-focuses and starts following the trail. The world feels askew around him, his steps urgent, his breaths hovering near growls that want to threaten the whole forest if anything dares to hurt Grian more. (He hopes Grian’s still out there.) (He has to be. He has to be—) (Why is he not replying to Scar’s calls, then?)

Scar’s aware that if he can follow the trail of blood, so can others. He needs to be better than them. Faster. (He needs to be a better hunter than them.) He knows that if he’s following the trail now, maybe someone already followed it. (He tries not to let that thought in. That he might be too late.) 

He’s trailed by the hermit rescue party. They scramble in his wake, trying not to lose him. They lag behind, losing sight of him, but Cub staggers to follow his vex bond with Scar, like a tether, trying to hold down the swell of warning anxiety at the fact that Scar is in his vex form. Scar looks feral, he lashed out and ran from them, clothes stained by blood and hair white—

Them following just makes Scar feel hunted. His instincts go haywire and put him more on edge. 

He keeps going.

He keeps calling out, too. Uncaring that he’s attracting every hunter in the vicinity. He can take them. He will happily attract them to himself if that means they won’t go after Grian instead. (The fact that he’s searching for Grian gets a bit tangled up in him. The fact that if he succeeds, he’ll just be bringing the hunters to Grian fails to quite register. He’s not thinking very straight.)

Hermits hear those wails, echoing through the forest. He sounds like a wandering spirit. 

Inhuman. 

Lost.

 --

Grian is hurt. Hand pressed against the spot on his side that bleeds, he sits curled up, pressing himself into some bushes for a moment of reprieve—just a moment, just a little bit, please, please.

He hears Scar’s calls from far away. He hears them, and his heart tears itself to pieces.

He is terrified and hurting, and it feels dangerously close to a despair-filled memory.

 He tries to shield himself from it. There’s a reason he ran. There’s a reason why Scar should stay away from him. He can’t— He shouldn’t— He—

Scar draws closer. Grian can hear his sobbing and heaving. His pleading, so heartrendingly desperate. “Grian please. Grian answer me.”

Grian finds himself cautiously standing up, every muscle taut. His heart is rabbity fast, fear clogging his throat. 

He doesn’t mean to answer. He really, really doesn’t mean to. (He needs to keep Scar away.) Yet a distressed chirp slips through anyway, like a terrified call, begging for Scar.

The sound of it pitches something in Scar. His sobbing changes to panic and dwindling hopefulness. “Grian…?”

There’s a tinier chirp then. Scared. Still involuntary.

Grian is so so afraid and he should know better, but a part of him is desperate for Scar.

The moment he sees Scar, though, the futility rips through him. No. He isn’t meant to— Scar shouldn’t be near him. Because Grian’s been gone so shortly and yet the hunters have already found him. He’s already gotten hurt. He is a beacon.

He can’t stay near Scar. It’ll get Scar hurt. 

It’ll get Scar killed.

(Everything good that stays near Grian dies—)

He needs to get away from him.

He backs away. Tells Scar, in a wobbly voice, not to approach.

Scar doesn’t care. He needs to get to Grian. He needs to get to him, they can go home, this can all be over. 

Running on some faulty reasoning, Grian tries to get away. It’s useless, he is in no state to outrun Scar—he can’t bring himself to fly and he’s bleeding, dizzy on panic—but he feels like he needs to try, anyway. 

His feet feel heavy beneath him, the world unsteady. Scar is behind him and Grian’s heart begs him to stop, turn around, and burrow into his arms. (He can’t he can’t he can’t—)

It takes only a couple of steps for Grian to trip over some roots, the world as cruel to him as ever, sending him plummeting harshly down in a rough tumble of leaves and limbs and feathers. A pained, fearful yelp gets punched out of him on impact.

Scar’s next to him in an instant, kneeling down and gathering him in his arms. Crying as he buries Grian in a hug, terrified he might try to run again. Frantically telling him, “Grian, it’s over, it’s over, we can go home— Please—”

Grian’s sobbing against him, held in place, unable to understand what Scar is saying. He just wants Scar to get away from him and stay safe. (Grian can’t be safe. He’s been doomed from the start. He’s been doomed this whole time.) (He’ll end up like that bird. Dead, with wings ripped off—)

The words “it’s over” mean nothing to him. All he manages to choke out is, “There is no— There’s no home anymore.” They’ve had their safety ripped away from them over and over again. They’ve been showed that they can’t have a home anymore; this world will not allow it. Nowhere is safe. Nowhere is safe, as long as Grian’s wings are bright violet and attached to his spine. 

Scar insists, a series of reassurances, words tripping over each other as he tries to keep his hold on his voice. He says they’ll be okay. He says they don’t have to run anymore. Please, Grian, we can go home.

But it’s not a concept that exists anymore for Grian; it refuses to register in his mind, words sliding right off him, incoherent.

What he knows is this: he failed to protect Scar, and they don’t have a home to go back to, and Grian is sure the hunters are about to show up, any second. He’s so tired and terrified, and he needs Scar to be shielded from this fate. He needs him to be safe.

Scar isn’t letting go of him. His grip is firm as he continues to plead with Grian. He doesn’t want to be rough, he’s never been forceful with Grian, but he can’t let go now. Even as Grian paws at him and tries to push him away. 

Grian’s crying so hard; his efforts to get free are all frantic and urgent, yet half-hearted. (He wants to give in and bury himself in the protectiveness of Scar’s arms.) (He wants all of Scar’s promises to be true.)

And yet something tips askew.

Because Scar’s never been forceful with Grian.

He was always so gentle. He’d never grab him like this, with so much force. So much insistence.

Grian is hit with a dizzying, nauseating thought. Is this a trap? Is this a mimic?

Grian starts chirping. More of those distressed, scared noises as he can't get free of Scar's grip.

It’s the first time ever that Scar won’t heed Grian’s requests to be let go. Not even if Grian says it hurts. He won’t let go he won’t he won’t. He’ll drag him home if he has to.

Grian’s scared and confused, all his thoughts are jumbled, running on rampant trauma responses and unadulterated panic. He can’t deal with any of this. He keeps trying to wrangle free and push Scar away (is it even Scar???), begging him to let go, but it’s so horribly weak. It’s almost nothing. He just chokes on sobs and hyperventilates. (He feels caught.) (He feels like Scar will get killed because of him.) (He doesn’t know what’s happening.)

It’s awful. It’s wrong. It’s— It’s not what it’s meant to be. 

This should be easy. This should be the best day ever! They can go home! 

Instead, it’s like a panicked final showdown and Scar feels like it’s him against everyone. The hermits weren’t listening to him (Grian needs him, he needs him, he needs him), and now Grian isn’t listening to him either. (He can’t comprehend what Scar’s saying at all, and isn’t that so heartbreaking?) (Scar is desperate to get through to him. To calm him down enough so that this could be anything more than Scar forcefully holding him as Grian chokes on panic.) (The kind of panic he should never feel in Scar’s arms—)

Voice breaking, Scar pleads, over and over again. Please, Grian. Please. It’s okay. It’s okay, we can go home, we’ll be alright. It’s me. It’s me, I got you, we’re gonna be safe.

It’s the kiss he presses to Grian’s hair that tips the scales a little, just enough for Grian’s chirps to mute, his sobbing drifting off into softer cries. He goes limp under the affection, still terrified, still trembling and choking on air, but now he’s pressing himself against Scar instead of trying to get free. 

“G, do you understand what I’m saying?” Scar begs in a wavering voice, unbecoming of his feral appearance. He holds onto the magic prickling along his skin, alert for any sort of danger, anything that so much as tries to approach and hurt Grian. His hands are still clawed. His hair is still white. His veins are still stuffed with unending desperation. 

Nothing is over yet. 

It should be. It should be, but it isn’t.

Not yet, not yet.

 The hunters find them before the hermits do.

[—TBC—]

#ange rambles #ange writes #hhau #yes this was just an emotional mess wasn't it #grian is so lost amidst all the trauma rn #he's not processing anything right #had really fun with throwing in the “what if mimic” panic bit #they deserve that after their experiences #also. just something about cub seeing scar go vex mode #scar's never done that on hc #it's incredibly dangerous #they think he lost it #they think maybe grian's already dead #how heartbreaking is it that the rescue should be a Good thing? #that it should feel like relief #and yet it's just this panic-stricken mess? #anyway yeah please stay worried folks #more messy things incoming #<3 #also no #grian did not expect to survive on his own #one way or another #it was going to end today

[rotisseries]

the anger and hatred i feel for the "robin wouldn't date nancy cause of steve" rhetoric is literally unmatched by any other force on planet earth

#I will murder each and every one of you with a chainsaw this isn't even about shipping this is about the way you guys talk about shit #I will fucking have your head I will grow a garden of violets and lavender and use your mashed up bones as fertilizer #I will drown you in a pool of your own blood #I will carpet bomb your house I will visit a rage upon you so horrendous it will make the rapture look like a nice family vacation #I want you people to eat shit #<-that. is all copypasted from discord bitching #but anyway. steve has moved the fuck on and if he hasn't he should it's been like 2 years #and while there's obviously a statute of limitations on dating friend's exes st*ncy ending has exceeded that #now we're at the point where it would only matter if it was a shitty ex which nancy is NOT. #“she broke steve's heart🥺” this literally ain't about him idc quit making robin's dating life about steve #also you guys just don't get lesbians if anyone is gonna date a friend's ex it IS a lesbian #you literally don't have to like ronance but I am so tired of people talking about it like this situation would be wrong somehow #they're literally already friends dating isn't even that much of a jump #also you guys have no sense of fun I like messy shit you could make that messy if you wanted #stranger things #ronance #anyway. tis the misogyny hydra again I think

[imminent-danger-came]

thinking about how Macaque usually smiles when being more aggressive. Thinking about how monkeys usually ‘smile’ to show aggression. Thinking about MK smiling a shit ton durinf the Azure fight. THINKING ABOUT THE WARRIORS AND MKS REPRESSION GODD

Watching MK go completely unhinged while fighting Azure moodboard:

#but part of me was cheering with SWK #THAT'S MY HARBINGER OF CHAOS. THAT'S MY BOY #HE SHOULD YELL AT PEOPLE MORE OFTEN #(Wukong) #(He should yell at Wukong) #It's the fact that they love each other so much that makes SWK V MK fuck so hard #MK *loves* to repress/ignore problems that impact his worldview. He is so messy #Like I love the way he deals with LBD in s2 because it's absolutely abysmal. #He handles the problem without actually handling the problem. Does not go to monkey king. Does not talk to his friends #He trains but he also doesn't make any effort to try and stop LBD's plans or learn what those plans are #And then after being bitter at Wukong for a whole season he pretends it did not happen in s3. Like MK my sweet boy #you are not handling anything with any amount of grace #AND THEN he tried to do the same thing with his Monkey Form. But Monkey Form did not let him #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk MK #asks #solarartzz #like can you believe they ended s4 on such a high note. And then also said that s4 was the ''calm before the storm'' #can you believe s4 was set up. THAT IT WAS SET UP #Like oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooo. MK's s4 arc ended on too much of a high note #Especially because it resolved like nothing about his identity & his relationship with SWK #And they totally hinted at the SWK V Macaque fight being revealed later #Like god. We really are so fucked I'm telling you

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i only just found your au and i need everyone to have a happy ending so badly im gonna cry ;-; sally is gonna be so freakin upset when she wakes up for real and sees she decimated barnaby.

oh, Barnaby already has his arm stitched back on when she wakes up! and really, even if he didn't, that'd be the Least of her worries. she wakes up into a Real nightmare - partially of her (unintentional) making

#happy endings... well... yes and no. depends on what act you look at #act one? no! actually things get So Much Worse in an entirely festive new way! #act two? eh! sorta! its more bittersweet than anything #act three and four blend into each other so much that three doesn't have an 'ending' #but the final act - act four... well. who's to say! im still workshopping what i want to happen #but i do know it's still gonna have at Least a bittersweet tinge to it #wh lights out au #rambles from the bog #there are consequences and not everyone Makes It. i dont like stories where everything wraps up perfectly fine #even if it hurts! i like it when things hurt in a good way. those stories where the ending is overall positive #but Enough Happened that its just... its an ache. looking at where someone used to be. you know? #my favorite shows and books and fics have ended with me smiling while sobbing bc it yes it Hurts but it was So Fucking Good #and while i wouldnt be able to handle rewatching/rereading due to Emotional Damage... #i think of them fondly and often and theyre Important to me #perfectly happy endings just rub me wrong. it always feels like there's something Missing despite it all being idyllic #i cant let my own stories - original or aus or whatever - have that kind of end #so if thats what people are hoping for! you've come to the wrong person and the wrong au! #i like to be kind but that rarely extends to my creative works! #i like it messy and painful and bittersweet and i like to be Ruthless with my creations with no compromise #sometimes characters need to fight. or leave. or die. or make serious mistakes. etc. #but anyway! anyway.... #i will say that there isn't a happy ending for Everyone. and for others it's... complicated. again - bittersweet

[modgirlyreposts-revamped]

I don't really go here, but all the members in The Amazing Digital Circus are in a polyamorous relationship methinks

#yes this includes caine an' bubble cry about it- /lh #i have a disease that makes me hc any group of characters i like as bein' in a polyam relationship wit' eachother- #ok but srsly tho i mainly headcanon this cuz the theory that the circus is a hell of sorts really got to me and idk why- #an' even though things could be better between many of them so far i still ship this cuz the way i see it they're all stuck there- #-but they're stuck there together an' instead of lettin' it get to them all they choose to defy their situation by embracin' eachother #like they prove the whole saying 'hell is people' wrong by embracing the fact that they may not click 100% wit' eachother in every way- #-an' that's ok since at the end of the day they do have one thing in common which is that they're stuck there- #-but they're stuck there together instead of being hopelessly alone wit' their own thoughts or in the basement #plus no relationship is perfect an' sometimes it can be a bit messy jus' like theirs since they may be stuck but they're stuck together #an' i jus' think that's beautiful in a weird poetic way #holy fuck i was ramblin' sm in here does anyone actually read these anyways- #the amazing digital circus #tadc pilot #tadc #tadc pomni #tadc jax #tadc ragatha #tadc caine #tadc gangle #tadc kinger #tadc zooble #tadc bubble #i'm tagging all the ships cuz fuck you lol- #tadc pomni x ragatha #tadc ribbun #tadc royalteeth #tadc caine x pomni #tadc funnybunny #tadc bunnydoll #tadc showtime

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

#red said #the other thing that bugs me about it is. ok and again this is old shit dredged back to 2021 when we moved in together #but i had my housemate. and Sam had her. and each of us were really close pairs who'd lived together a long time #and we tried looking for flats as a four but a) a flat with 4 good sized bedrooms in Edinburgh is hens teeth #and b) my housemate was pretty happy to live with me and Sam but increasingly felt like a 4 man flat was going to be a lot for him #and so in the end we talked about it. and through a combination of that and same housemate being in a pretty #unfavorable position housing wise. cause she was unemployed and had shit credit at that moment. #we agreed she'd move with us and Joe went and found a one bed #and in the end that's been really great for him tbh he's a lot happier and more confident and we were pretty sick of each other by then #and so we get on much better now #but at the time it was a real heartache i felt like I'd let Joe down i felt like our friendship was over #and honestly I have never been a huge fan of living with our current housemate. even before we lived here #like when i was staying with her and Sam too. she's incredibly messy and takes up a lot of space in conversations #I've always liked her as a person but she's exhausting and often unpleasant to share space with #and there's a bit of me that's like. we bent over backwards to accommodate you when you were precarious. #like it would have been WAY easier for us to look for a 2-bed during 2021. and if it was a 3-bed I'd have rather stayed with Joe. #but we moved with her for her sake. and she left Sam to clean up their old place (and there were Literal Rats) #and she got really pissy about driving the moving van even though a) that was her idea and b) she's the only person with a license #and c) i walked all MY shit over by hand anyway and the only reason she hired the van was to move her tv #me and Sam found all the core furniture. me and Sam sorted out all the viewings. me and Sam did all the planning. Sam set up all the bills. #we spotted her for rent!we took a bigger share of the costs! because we fucking cared about her and wanted her to have a fucking home! #and she can't even do us the courtesy you'd offer a fucking lodger you found on fucking gumtree

[nozomijoestar]

Asuka is a tragic figure, a figure of mystery, a wild card, all because the only thing she wants in life is peace and quiet for herself and to feel in control- yet her secret heritage that may be hidden from her for her own protection and the reality that life is unpredictable and will go on with or without you keep ruining that delusion, that vision of how the world is meant to work to her, and she suffers regardless of what she wants, what she does, and how little she understands anything

She was born into a family preaching peace and balance and order while being a creature of violence, and puts a dozen mental locks and excuses over this truth to justify giving into her impulse for fighting by pretending she's justice when she does it

She keeps trying to build a place of safety but she's using sand and life is a wave that destroys, yet she stubbornly persists rather than give up, not drowned to the point of self centered suicidal loathing like Jin- there's contrast, where Jin is cloaked in death Asuka stubbornly clings to life and humanity as a normal person in a terrifying world

She's not a fucking narrative clone for Jun's own purpose, Asuka's purpose must be determined by Asuka herself

#tekken #Jin is born of two worlds Jun walks between two worlds Asuka is at the crossroads of two worlds #Jin is broken by it Jun traded part of her humanity to reconcile it and now Asuka has to accept it yet persist- she is always persisting #that's her strength that no matter what she's always still herself #'For being so very Y o u' as Lili told her bc she sees it #she's an interesting character BECAUSE she's not Jun and she's not Jin and she's not aligned with them entirely #stop waiting for her to be something she's not #also i think it's GOOD she doesn't know everything or everyone in her family bc that builds mystery and suspense #it gives everything a tension in the background for when the normalcy charade will be broken by the bigger family drama catching up w her #what's happening to the Mishimas should be something no one is dragged into yet the one family member who's the least connected #is going to run out of time at some point and get hit by that trauma anyway and she doesn't even Know it's coming for her eventually #isn't it fucked up. how everything catches up with you in the end #and you won't even understand it until it's too late ie. her involvement in T8 global war now #also a character that wants peace and order but actively pursues violence ensuring she will never truly have those things bc of her nature #AND she's already been traumatized by T5 Feng and T6 Jin that just makes her retreat to seeking comfort in detachment- in the familiar #which only prolongs her avoiding the world outside what she can control- and then Lili won't let her live in ignorance not to punish her #but bc she wants to help her bc the Mishimas have already put their claws in Lili- they won't catch Asuka off guard #what is it with people sanitizing the messiness and humanity characters represent in favor of 'If they just acted logically the way I want #then they'd solve the entire story 1 2 3 and we'll have everything wrapped up easy' THAT'S NOT A STORY THAT'S A MATH EQUATION #FEEL SOMETHING INSTEAD OF ALWAYS NEEDING TO SOUND SMART AND HAVE PERFECT ANSWERS YOU STUPID FUCKS #IN TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING HAVE A PERFECT SOLUTION YOU'VE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT'S IN THE TEXT #AND ALSO ASUKA BEING VIOLENT BUT STILL CARING ABOUT PEOPLE AND DOING GOOD DESPITE IT #and AsuLili is about two similar people who've been traumatized finding safety in each other once they put down the trauma responses #this is all in line with T8's tagline of Face Your Fate btw this is literally what was always coming finding you & you face it

[archduke-enver-gortash]

mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again. #sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all. #imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs! #so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately. #but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when. #like. imagine that. jesus dude. #like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here. #but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

[dyed-red]

Sometimes I'm like "am I reading too into the subtext? Am I seeing incest horror implications where none actually are?" When I think about John and Dean in Devil's Trap, or the way the shifter approached and talked to Sam in Skin, or Playthings, or Henriksen's comments, or (or, or, or).

And then I remember Bela's canon backstory.

And then I remember that canon had Mary kiss her possessed father, had it show us how isolating her life was and how controlling her father was, including over her relationship.

And a few episodes later canon had Samhain possess the body of one of the witch siblings who raised him and the first thing he did was kiss the vessel's sister, all while she's reciprocating this and seemingly delighted.

And a few episodes after that, we got a soon-to-be-dead one off side character introduce a sex worker as his sister for absolutely zero reason, followed shortly by whatever the hell this was

And yeah, no, a lot of it was definitely on purpose. Zachariah even told us flat out, these boys are psychotically irrationally erotically.

#there are just.... so many examples of textual incest in this show #particularly the kripke era #when i think about kripke having (apparently) wanted to make jo actually be John's kid? i scream #plus so many examples i didn't even list #everything from Meg and Meg!sam to the creepy overtones in The Benders #sam being 'made unclean' so young in life by a home intruder #it's all so horrifying #subtext #full house of wincest #this haunting is architectural #you can never go home #it's also wild that the show eventually transforms the transgressive incest subtext #into a messy relationship with infidelity and recommitment that gives way to an implied wedding #and ultimately a stable marriage of sorts that circles back in the end to establishing this huge messy thing between them as good and right #as redeeming #but anyway

[arcadianico]

i think one of the reasons i dislike qtntduo as a ship is that wilbur hasn’t been on since literally before the brazilians arrived and everything about qq and elq was always made to be about him. and listen, i know qq’s obsession played a role in that but also qq’s thing about wilbur is so much more complicated that it usually gets portrayed. also having them be romantic and actually involved with each other would be boring sorry

#like the most interesting thing about their dynamic is the tension #also the unbalanced nature of the interest and the unhealthy route of qq’s interest are compelling as character aspects #but not as interesting within a romantic relationship #qq’s whole thing about wilbur is genuinely incredibly interesting. it also has very little actually to do with wilbur as a person #that’s why it’s able to continue so long without his presence #also every time i see a post about how wilbur will meet elq and immediately know he’s not qq im like ok and??? #didn’t literally every other player immediately see that he was acting off as well??? #i think their dynamic is interesting and that wilbur genuinely does give qq something he needs (open acceptance in a way he doesn’t receive #from any of the other players) #but that doesn’t mean i want to see that dynamic turned romantic #and i certainly don’t think it would healthy for qq if it did (if he was still here which he isn’t rn so yk kind of moot) #i hope elq doesn’t view him as anything special at all #i hope wilbur was just a means to an end for him and nothing else #but yeah a large part of my frustration comes from seeing qq moulded and filed and chipped away at to fit into the dynamic #rather than being allowed to be a complicated messy interesting character #idk #quackity #qsmp

[doom-dreaming]

more beach house progress pics

kelly has the driftwood room. do they use analog clocks in the 26th century? probably not. but it's cute.

i added a diy sliding door to the shipwreck room. this one's john's. not fully on board with the swing bench on the patio, but i'll mess with it

#blue team beach house #both this patio and the one in the back of the driftwood room are going to be covered #by whatever i end up doing on the second level #so the bench WILL be anchored to something #i just feel like. in terms of furniture #you'd need to have REALLY STRONG anchors on anything suspended to make it spartan-proof #maybe that's just cortana's dedicated swing. she likes to read there #writing that goofy thing about them picking themes actually helped me #the rooms are 1) shipwreck 2) driftwood 3) coconut/palm 4) coral reef and 5) seaglass #the toughest part is going to be bringing all that together for the common areas #in a way that doesn't feel messy #but i like a challenge

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

Baby Bengals vs. cardboard slide

Sound on for full effect.

#kittens #bengal kittens #bengal cats #*me realizing I own these videos and they don't have children in them so I can post them on tumblr* #prepare yourself for a backlog of kitten videos #please ignore the messy cage in the background things had not been cleaned for the day yet #this obviously took priority #love how they mob me at one point ajghlakjsadsf #in case it's not clear I was propping the cardboard up and videoing this #roxie at the end almost making it all the way up she is a force to be reckoned with xD #can you tell my babies apart? #random leeli in there can you believe that six of these black kittens are hers ajlghjalsfhgkdsjfkasjg

[deus-and-the-machina]

Frothing at the mouth what do you MEAN pearl gave Scott a life in ll for their alliance to be sealed oh myg od THAT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH WORSE AND SO MUCH BETTER

#pearl literally gave him part of her life and they ended up soulmates and he REJECTED her even still like. ow #what fascinates me about the divorce quartet and specifically pearl and Scott is how more than any particular slight the thing that stops #them from coming together is their stubbornness. scott was prolly too harsh on pearl but he’s not backing down no way besides she’s lost it #now and is hostile right back and so they hurt themselves to hurt each other and build up more and more animosity #cleo concedes a bit to martyn bc she knows it’s practical for survival but scott and pearl are the messiest of messy friendship breakups #you witnessed in hs because they’re both (mostly scott tho ngl) are so STUBBORN #and with how he and cleo seemed to be so eager to go off from their soulmates maybe it’s also like. it doesn’t really matter who their #soulmate was. at that point scott was sold on the two seasons in the making full time alliance with cleo and vice versa #they wanted to cause problems on purpose and they found the perfect reason to split from fate even if it was a tad of an overreaction #pearl and martyn were collateral. and with the context of what she did for him in last life you could argue she’s one of the reasons he won #at all by giving the yellow name a life. so no wonder it stings so bad they’ve done so much for each other. SHES done so much for him and #he throws her away over a nether excursion? did their bond really mean that little? ough. ough man #double life #pearlescentmoon #scott smajor #last life

[taexual]

im getting real tired of oc acting like she has everything under control and is this amazing manger when all she does is order people around and can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations. i mean she yells and questions others for their behavior but they have to draw the line when it comes to her? that’s hypocritical. her saying that she was hiding behind the bet and only bc she was scared of jungkook‘s feelings being real is and was obvious from the very beginning but she also lied to herself again i mean let’s wake it up right?

how come YOU work with your ex boyfriend that is in a band that YOU are the manager of and allow YOURSELF to work with when YOU act like YOU don’t care about him, while YOU also try to control him for petty sht that has mostly to 65% nothing to do with the work environment. she always wants others to give her time and let her get her thoughts right before she has to talk but others for example jungkook has always an ultimatum like what is wrong with her and her entire mental health atp? im on jungkooks side with, that yes i as a reader am tired too if her acting like she doesn’t want to be with him when that’s all she wants but she‘s selfish (in my opinion no shade) bc she wants to see him beg a little more to avoid a) the confrontation about their fucked up relationship that happened from both sides and b) bc it makes her feel worthy of something again bc he didn’t care about her enough in those 4 years he was with others right? then yeah i wouldn’t give my time and energy to get that kind of person back and not bc jungkook wants to be better for her he needs to be better for himself and her never giving him that reassurance is unfair and disgusting bc she can want that from him right?

like i seriously need people like her to just either be direct or get out of that persons life forever. she sees that jungkook has other SERIOUS issues like his mental health and addiction to always downgrade himself as not worthy for any-little-thing but all she focuses on is „omg u did a bet now i can’t be with you and also bc nick wants me on the renaissance tour so ughhh idk everything is so heavy and omg i fainted am having so much stress ugh:((„ like shut the fuck up. she knew what she was getting into when she signed the contract for being a manager could she know how much stress she was getting into? no but that’s no here or there bc she allowed herself to not have a break that is on nobody but herself.

i have so much to discuss about her character but i really don’t want to just know that im tired of her and also thank you for writing something that’s truly new and fresh! i like this story it makes us think and have thoughts about the the chapters in general so yeah i hope you don’t get offended of how i view oc i don’t want to bash your characters ig it just that everyone has a different opinion in certain matters right? still thank you and have a great day! ☺️😊

omg babe you are having some very very interesting thoughts!!!! thank you for reading and for getting invested!!!!!!! 🥺🥺

the characters will have a discussion about a lot of the things that you mentioned soon--mostly in the next chapter--so i'm not going to elaborate much, but again, some very interesting points!! they are people with clear issues, and insecurities ranging from their past relationship to parental trauma to toxic friends. you know what i mean?? and i can't wait to show you what's nextttt!!!! 🤍🤍🤍

adding a spoiler bc i feel like it 🤌🏻

baby you said oc "can’t be serious when it comes to confrontations" and that is going to be one of the key plot points in the upcoming chapters!!!!

their whole relationship, they dealt with the chronic let's-not-talk-about-this illness, you know?? and jungkook is overcoming it! but now that's coming back to bite oc a little bit, because not only does she have to talk too, but she also has to face her demons from the broken relationship she had grown up in

#ask #anonymous #taexual; sleepwalking #when i saw this i was facetiming my friend #it was like 2am #and the way you sent me straight into orbit with your message babe #INTO ORBIT #i was still on a caffeine high at that time and you made me want to keep working on sleepwalking rIGHT NOW #i went to bed at 5am lmao #regardless of that though #i'm so excited!!! like throughout the progress of the story i've heard all kinds of things about both of the main characters #and some of the reactions have been very intense!!! which has been very very interesting and fascinating #i have the most fun when the characters are complex and the situations they end up in are messy #so reading about your emotions?? it's extremely valuable for me!!! #i love to know what thoughts cross your mind as you go along the story<3