#i still wish the train was real tho
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After You - N.JM
1/4 diary of the heartbreakers
summary: ➸ ♡ Na Jaemin had it easy. Loved by everybody, the man of everyone's dream. He's a perfect mix of a charmer and a player. Girls begged to be his, and he loved every part of it. Life used to be so fucking perfect for him. Then comes you. You're like an old book, ink fading, cover tearing, but he swears you're worth the read. Before you, life was easy. After you? He wasn't so sure.
"Break my heart, and you'll only find yourself inside."
GENRE: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature themes
WARNINGS: Minors DNI, Explicit sexual content, Language, Mental Illness, Drugs/Alcohol usage, Addiction, toxic!reader, fuckboy!Jaemin (but still a sweetheart)
WC: 19k (I got carried away, lol)
DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fanfiction. Only the names of the Idols are used, and does not reflect on them in real life. There's no way in any shape of form that they are like this in person, because I MADE IT UP. I don't personally know them. DO NOT STEAL / TRANSLATE / MODIFY. This is my work and I don't appreciate people stealing it. Thank you.
Enjoy reading! -ryo
//////////////////////
"Look who finally decides to show up," Jeno welcomed Jaemin with open arms, Haechan and Renjun following in pursuit.
"Come on, I just saw you guys about a week ago. Don't be dramatic." Jaemin loosened his tie, sat at the vacant seat beside Renjun.
"No Yeri today?" Haechan smirked, obviously mocking Jaemin.
"She has plans with her friends," Jaemin wants to shift the topic quickly, not wanting to be the center of attention for so long.
"Are you sure its not because she hates us?" Renjun looked at Jaemin with his brow raised.
"She hates everyone." Jaemin grabbed the flute glass in front of him as he saw the waiter come by with champagne.
"No offense, Jaemin, but I hate that her too." Haechan, eating the garlic bread. Jaemin rolled his eyes.
"Makes two of us." Jeno chimed in, drinking his champagne aswell. Jaemin didn't say anything, waiting for Renjun's addition to his girlfriend's hate train.
"All of us hate her, actually. Sorry man but your girl is literally the reincarnation of the devil." Renjun.
"You guys done? I know she isn't the best but she's still my girlfriend?" Jaemin, like the other times his friends tell him how horrible his girlfriend is, try to defend her even tho he knows that they're partly right.
"Yeah, we know. One of the mysteries even Sherlock Holmes can't fucking solve." Haechan chuckled. Jaemin let out a sigh and drank the champagne in one shot. He barely gets a break from Yeri, and when he does, his friends still mentions her name in every conversation they have.
"She disrespects everyone, literally went out with you just to show you off to her friends. I don't understand why you're still with her." Jeno rants, trying to make Jaemin understand. He doesn't mean to drag Yeri, but Jeno cannot understand how the likes of Jaemin, will go out with Yeri who treats him like shit.
"No shit, dude. Neither do I." Jaemin admitted, leaning back on his chair before dragging his hands through his hair.
"How about Karina? She's great, you went out with her a few times, right?" Haechan.
Jaemin, for the ninth time this night, rolled his eyes. "She moved to Paris."
"Joy? The girl you took to Haechan's birthday?" Renjun, pulling up a picture of Joy he searched on instagram, just to show to Jaemin.
"Engaged to Sungjae." Jeno answered that one, Sungjae being one of his acquiantances.
"Oh, I know this girl from Busan--"
"Can we not talk about my fucking love life?! Y'all are just stressing me out, God damn." Jaemin massaged his temples, just wanting a breather. Before he went here, he already had an argument with Yeri.
"Chill, man. Fine.. jeez. Just wanted you to know your options." Haechan looks away and shrugged his shoulders. To be fair, his intent was truly innocent. They just wanted their friend to live a happy life.
As per Jaemin's wish, they moved on and changed the topic to something else. After a few drinks, Jaemin started to let loose.
He wondered about a lot of things. One of which is on how he ended up here. Stuck in a relationship he doesn't really want anymore. Seeing his friends and how happy they are really hits something inside Jaemin. When will he find that? Will he even find that?
Just like the other nights Jaemin drinks himself to slumber, a few glasses in and he starts to think of something so dangerous yet so good. Something forbidden, something he would probably regret. He thinks of you.
Jaemin's greatest what if. You were like a fever dream, a memory he would cherish forever. No one can compare to the beauty hold. You were Jaemin's drug, so captivating, yet so vicious.
He wondered where you are. Are you doing fine? Are you happy?
Sometimes Jaemin hopes you still think of him. That his relevance in your life, although it was short, still lingers in your mind once in a while.
And the memories you and him had, even though it was temporary, Jaemin wishes it was enough for him to believe that you'll meet again.
Jaemin met a lot of pretty girls. All of them, actually. Yeri, despite her frowned upon attitude, was actually beautiful. That's what drove Jaemin to ask her out in the first place. He just wasn't aware of the other things that comes with it. No one can deny the beauty that Yeri holds, and even tho it contrasts his friends opinions, they know that Yeri is still one of the prettiest girl Jaemin had.
But was she the most gorgeous? No. Because there was you. They all fall behind, after you.
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
The first time he saw you was at the school's cafeteria. You're an art student which he could clearly tell from the messy pencil on your bun as you ate with a friend at the back of the canteen. He knew that friend, Jeonghan, because.. he might've slept with his sister. He still couldn't remember tho, he was stupidly drunk that time.
"Who's that with Jeonghan?" Jaemin asked, still his eyes not leaving your face. As corny as it sounds, everyone's faces blurred out when he saw you.
"That's Jiho's bestfriend? I think? Wait, isn't Jiho that one chick you banged last week?" Haechan, the resident insider was the one to answer. Jaemin mentally cursed himself. You're Jiho's bestfriend. Usually that doesn't matter to Jaemin but somehow he felt some sort of guilt into taking an interest with you. Inevitably, you'll know what happened with Jiho and Jaemin, and you'll definitely see Jaemin as this asshole who slept with your bestfriend.
"Everybody knows that he slept with her, dude." Jeno chimed in, smirking.
"More like, everybody heard." Renjun followed, which earned a hefty laugh from his group of friends. Usually, Jaemin would respond with a strong punch in the arm but he was still in a dilemma on how he should approach you without giving off an asshole vibe in him.
Jaemin came up with a plan. Not a good one, but still, a plan. He would casually pass the Arts building, specifically where you usually hang out which was at the Art studio at the top floor, (don't ask him how he found out-- he has his ways) and just ask you where the exit to the building is since he never really got around this part of the university.
His plan sounded good, and just to be assured, he asked Haechan. Which wasn't a very good choice but the way Haechan got around the girls in the university, he deserved some credit. In typical Lee Haechan way he responded, "That'd totally work, dude. I don't know how that would go wrong."
Well, Jaemin now know how it would go fucking wrong.
As the plan goes, he reaches the top floor of the building and walked towards the Art studio at 5pm, because according to his sources, you like to stay after class to do your project on the Art studio. Again, don't ask Jaemin how he got those information. Which is proven to be credible, because he did find you sketching on a canvas by yourself. He could hear a faint music playing on the studio as you sketch, which Jaemin could tell was a portrait of a lady.
He cleared his throat, as he opened the door. Just like in his script, he spoke,
"Hey, uh, excuse me? I've been finding the exit from this building and uhm, I just can't. Can you-- uhm," Okay, fine, Jaemin did fuck that one up. But how can he not, when you turned around so majestically with the golden sunray perfetcly hitting your face which gave Jaemin a full view of your beauty?
"Na Jaemin? What the hell are you doing here?" You stood up, walking towards the speaker and turned it off.
"You know me?" Jaemin asked a dumb question. Everybody knows who he is. He's a fucking famous-- wait, no, he's just famous for fucking. That's it.
"Jiho and all the other girls around this place can't stop talking about how big your dick is, so I'd like to think I'm familiar with you, yes." Sarcasm fit perfectly with you, Jaemin thought. Although, he did not expect you to be this harsh given your soft exterior, nonetheless, he still found you pretty.
"Uh, that's uhm-- not the point, I need to find the exit." Stick to the plan, stupid. Jaemin had thought.
What surprises him even more was your sudden burst of laughter. What's so funny? Embarassment started to fill Jaemin, finding the whole situation dumb and stupid. Why are you laughing at him? This is the first time Jaemin felt this. Usually, girls are all over him, why are you laughing at him like he's some stupid idiot?
"Do you realize that if you're trying to find the exit, you go down the building, not the top floor?" At that exact moment, Jaemin wanted to bury himself alive.
--
"Dude, I didn't think you would fumble this bad." Jeno couldn't hold his laughter after Jaemin told him what had occured in the Art studio. There was only Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin in the dorm today, Haechan was steering out of Jaemin's view eversince he received a threat from his friend, quote, 'I'm gonna burn your hair off your scalp, Lee Haechan'
"You just turned around and left? Are you serious?" Renjun was more like dumbfounded. He expected more from Jaemin, being infamous in their little friendgroup for being a lowkey manwhore. He could not believe Jaemin could act so-- foolish?
"I didn't know what to say or do, bro. This is Haechan's fault, fuck!" Jaemin looked like a prepubescent teen screaming into his pillow. A couple leg-flailing and he'd successfully portray a thirteen yearold boy.
"This one's on you. You know damn well Haechan could pull that shit off with his over confident ass. Whats with this girl anyways?" Jeno asked, with little to no care about whatever Jaemin answered. He already knew you were Jaemin's type.
"You know Jaemin and his thing for innocent girls, Jeno. Are you not with him for the last seven years?" Renjun stated, which Jeno just nodded and shrugged.
"But the way she shut you down, I wouldn't say she's too innocent." Jeno had the other two thinking. Yes, with your soft brown hair and cute features, especially your love for art, you look like the stereotypical good girl that captured Jaemin's eyes. But your encounter says otherwise. No good girl can resist Na Jaemin. Everybody knows that.
Na Jaemin, contrary to his friend's beliefs, is the recent most popular man in his school. All of them were, but every student that knows him, (which is everyone) Na Jaemin is number one in his little friendgroup. He's the perfect balance between a player and a charmer.
Nobody hated the guy, they all liked him. Had the title of Prom King for four consecutive years, and has a squeaky clean reputation. Oh, don't get him wrong tho, he's a manwhore, still. Its just that every girl he has been with doesn't have any bad thing to say about the guy. He's got a great dick and even better personality. Word got around that even guys wouldn't mind if he slept with their girlfriends. That's how loved Jaemin is around the campus. He has a way with words, that once Jaemin calls quits on a girl, that girl would even say "Thank you."
Jaemin likes to think he's just being nice, but Haechan calls him a professional manipulator and gaslighter. Which if you do see it in a technical way, Jaemin's sweet words does affect the way girls interpret his intentions. Because in all honesty, he's just fucking and ghosting. But with a couple of I'm sorry's or Sweetheart's or maybe even a little bit of 'You don't deserve a man like me,' Jaemin easily could bounce out everytime.
"Also, why have we not heard about her? I mean, a face like that? Its impossible that she hadn't shown Haechan's radar." Renjun stated. Its true, it does feel weird that none of them knew who you were, specially Haechan. He's quite literally the hot girl radar and you definitely qualified as one. Its rate that Haechan never made a move on you, or even talked to you.
"Maybe she's really weird or has like a third nipple." Jeno sounds genuine, which was even worse. Jaemin couldn't help but question how is this man his best friend.
"Can you not be a twelve year-old?" Jaemin, as he threw a cushion over Jeno's side.
"Anyways, let's go back to Jaemin being a stupid idiot,"
--
["You got it?"] Renjun's voice was heard through the phone.
"Yes, you bitch. Now once I get home, I expect my beer and chicken laid in my table perfectly, or I'm burning your book." Its almost 7pm and almost everyone had already left the campus but Jaemin. Renjun had asked him to fetch his book from a friend, because Jaemin is the only one staying in the campus this late. For the reason being, well, he had a little make out sesh after his last class with Jiho.
Jaemin wasn't intentionally doing it just to spite you, its just Jiho was a great kisser. And maybe to get information about you, just a little. But that did not happen because he did not have the chance to actually talk to her about you as his mouth was a little preoccupied.
As he walked through the hallway, a door suddenly opened, which revealed you, hair dishevelled and your shirt was wrinkled. He knew that posture too well, out of all people, he's the one most familiar of it. You just did the nasty with someone.
In the school grounds? Jaemin scoffs. He was about to approach you when another body also came out of the room.
No way. No fucking way! Jaemin's eyes went wild, his jaw slowly parts as he saw who it was. He quickly hides behind one of the lockers to avoid you seeing him, only peeking his head a bit to confirm what he just saw.
Nurse Suh. You're sleeping with the school nurse. Jaemin was utterly shocked, as he contemplated on what he should do next. You're definitely not the innocent and soft girl he thought you would be, you're so far from it. And as far as he knows, Nurse Suh has a girlfriend! And not to mention, it's illegal!
"Nurse Suh?!" The three of his friends couldn't believe it either. Jaemin just could not keep the information to himself. He knew he could trust his friends.
"I mean, yes he's hot but isn't he like 34?" Jeno questioned.
"Dumbass, he's only 27. Him and my older brother are friends." Haechan said, then quickly looking back at Jaemin.
"And she's what, 22? I don't see anything wrong here." Haechan shrugged. Of course, out of all of them, Haechan would find this situation fine. He had slept with a teacher before, and called it his 'great awakening'.
"He has a girlfriend, you fucking idiot." Renjun said, hitting Haechan in the back of the head.
"So? You gotta do what you gotta do, man. Honestly, if I was Nurse Suh, I would tap it too." Followed by a playful chuckle, Haechan got another slap in the back of the head, this time, from Jeno.
"Stop hitting me! I need to protect my braincells, I need to pass the test tomorrow, you assholes." Haechan whined, massaging his head.
"Wait, Haechan, did you not know her before?" It was Jaemin's turn to ask, genuinely curious on why Haechan never made a move on you.
Haechan is basically like Jaemin, but even more evil. Sure, they're both manwhores but Jaemin leaves nicely. As to Haechan, he would leave without saying a word and pretend to not know you the next day. While Jaemin would receive love letters, Haechan receives death threats and some hex put on him. Its not like he's bad in bed, because if he is, he wouldn't be able to get his dick wet as frequent as he is now. It's because Haechan does not care for people's feelings.
"I did, I know who she was." Haechan shrugged. All three of them looked at him.
"Why didn't you.. like... tell me about that?" Jaemin's voice was small, a bit shy with what he just said.
"Because It's kinda funny when you get turned down." Haechan had a smile on his face whilst he said it. Jeno shook his head and Renjun just scoffed.
"Please tell me you're joking." Renjun. The boy laughed even more louder while shaking his head and before he knows, a flying cushion came straight to his face. But it didn't stop Haechan from smiling like an idiot.
"You know what's ridiculous, Haechan? That fucking faded out starwars shirt, because I'm gonna make you eat it you fucker!--" Jaemin fought back, reaching out for his friend but Haechan quickly moved away from him
"I'm sorry, Jaeminnie-- but I did try to flirt with her but she's cold as ice, man. And you all know how persistent I am so when me, Lee Haechan, gave up on a girl, you know that girl's impossible. And I heard that she never dates, well, I guess now I know why." Haechan explained himself but Jaemin is still annoyed and pissed.
"So you just let your friend get his ass handed to him? You should've told Jaem, man." Jeno.
"Admit it, It's kinda funny when Jaemin gets rejected. I mean, it almost never happens. And the one time it did, we're not even there to witness it." Haechan keeps smiling, pissing off Jaemin more, but his mind is else where.
---
"I had to say, I'm surprised you called me twice this week. Am I finally cracking your fuckboy code, Na Jaemin?" Jiho had a smirk on her face when he approached Jaemin at the closed off audiotorium in the science building.
"Can you sit down first?" Jaemin scooted a bit and gave space for Jiho to sit down. He has a whole different plan today, and although inviting the girl in his usual makeout spot almost always leads up to them hooking up, this time Jaemin is persistent on asking Jiho about you.
"This is weird. Aren't you taking my skirt off?" Jiho hesitantly sat beside the boy, expecting a kiss but instead, Jaemin has his brows furrowed and seemed bothered
"What? No. Not now. I just want to ask you something." Jaemin turned his body facing Jiho.
"You're being weird." Jiho leaned away a bit, still confused about the whole situation.
"You know y/n?" Jaemin goes straight to the point. Jiho had a visible shock in her face. She never expected your name to pop out from anyone's mouth, and especially not Jaemin's.
"Yes? Why?" Slowing her words, she inspected Jaemin's features.
"Nothing. Why haven't I seen her before?" The question Jaemin is most interested about.
"She's never gonna be interested with you, or anyone. Leave her alone." Jiho suddenly stood up, turned around and walked away as fast as she can, but not as fast as Jaemin.
Before she could even leave the auditorium, Jaemin got a hold of her wrist. "Why are you this weird about her?"
"I know you think you can woo her because you're Na Jaemin and you're a fucking playboy or some shit, but I'm telling you, not even as your hook up buddy, she's worse than you. So I suggest, as your friend, stay. away. from y/n."
---
"This is totally not weird. Yeah sure, I mean, we're just following a random girl walking down the street. Totally not weird." Renjun for one was scammed into doing this. Jaemin asked him to go with him and go buy some pants in the mall for a promise for Haidilao afterwards. Ofcourse Renjun is gonna agree, because he would never pass a free hotpot.
What Jaemin failed to say is that he has a little side quest on his itenirary for today. For someone who's unbothered most of the time, Jaemin is going insane thinking about the mystery that is you. And Jiho's outburst absolutely did not help at all.
"We're not following her. We're just y'know... happens to be in the same way as her." Jaemin knew what he was saying was bullshit, and that Renjun would never believe a word he says. But he would never admit that he's letting someone go and do cartwheel on his mind for almost two weeks now.
"Except we can't walk more than ten feet closer and we've been turning in the same corners as her for about thirty minutes." Sarcasm did not need to be noted.
Jaemin didn't listen and continued walking the same direction as you. This is definitely out of his character, but he has to know you. He's been intrigued enough to actually make an effort to atleast know who you were.
Suddenly, you turned left, into a busy cafe. "You promised me Haidilao, Na Jaemin. Not coffee!" Renjun started being a little irritated. He's hungry, exhausted and disappointed from Jaemin's fake promises. He doesn't need coffee right now, and hell, he's not gonna sit inside a cafe when he could have hotpot right now!
"Jesus, shut the fuck up!" Jaemin dug into his pocket and reached for his phone, typing for a minute and Renjun felt his own phone vibrated.
"Nice. I'll see you later, Sherlock Holmes." Jaemin sent Renjun money for hotpot, which quickly shifted the boy's mood.
"You're useless!" Jaemin yelled as Renjun walked away. "You love me!" Renjun replied with a smile as he skips away.
Jaemin hesitated a bit if he should enter the cafe. Is it too much just to suddenly show up where you are? No. This is the townsquare, students from his and your school are frequents here. It's not gonna be weird. Right, definitely.
The cafe is full packed, quite a line forming. There seems ro be no tables available, but Jaemin still decides to go inside. But as soon as he steps inside the cafe, his feet turned ice cold.
"Alright! I know, I'm sorry!" He sees you hurriedly putting on your apron, as another man seemingly upset with you. He quickly steps into the line of customers, and he just hopes that once he's on the counter, you would be the one serving him.
Jaemin thought he had time to calculate how he's gonna approach you, but the line was quickly moving, and he swear, he's fucking nervous. What if you didn't remember him? Or find him weird for being here?
As the last one in front of him turned to leave, he's finally infront of you. Unfortunately, you weren't looking and focused on the monitor in front of you.
"Uhm," he cleared his throat, trying to get your attention.
"What can I get you, sir?" Your customer service voice was obvious, and quite frankly, annoying. You smiled brightly at him, which he deemed so fake.
"Iced Americano, small." Jaemin's voice was deeper than usual, partly because he's nervous, and maybe because he wanted a cool guy impression.
"You literally followed me here just to get a small americano?" The humour in your voice makes Jaemin embarassed. Wide eyed, Jaemin feigned confusion, not wanting to be caught in 4k.
"I wasn't following y-you?" One thing Jaemin was bad at, was definitely lying. The way he stuttered at his last word says so.
You fought a smirk, again, leaving poor Jaemin feeling so little. "Sure, and the gravity isn't real."
"I swear, I'm not--"
"I'm on a break by 6:30. One small americano, right, sir?" You smiled at him, and Jaemin can fucking feel it. His heart skipping a beat.
"Make that large."
----
His drink already warm, ice all melted into one bland coffee, Jaemin started to feel pathetic. He's been sitting here, on the side of the cafe for almost three hours. He's realizing how stupid he is for doing all of this for someone who's not even that... special. He doesn't know you. You're pretty, yes, but there's always gonna be another girl who's prettier. Maybe its his dick thinking and doing the decisions earlier, but Jaemin saw his entire reputation go so far down if anybody knew he waited for you for three fucking hours. He never knew he could do all of this for a pussy he can easily get with other girls who would even beg for him.
Simmering in his own thoughts, Jaemin huffs and almost stood up to leave, Until he saw his phone, 6:29.
Shit, only one more minute wouldn't hurt anybody? No. Fuck her for playing hard to get. I'm Na fucking Jaemin! Who does she think she is?!
Just as Jaemin actually stood up, he saw you walking slowly towards him while undoing your apron, smile on your face making his knees literally weak that he had to sit down again.
"Leaving already?" You asked, sitting in front of him.
"I-I was just... stretching my legs." If his friends are here to hear the words he just said, he might just jump off a cliff.
"Sure. Now, tell me, Na Jaemin-ssi. What the fuck do you want from me?" Okay, now this, Jaemin did not expect this. Your words sounded harsh but your soft voice says otherwise. Being passive aggresive just makes Jaemin confused all over again.
But fuck it, you wanna play hard? Jaemin can do that. His patience wearing thin, he leaned back on the chair and smirked, almost like flipping on a switch in his aura.
"I want to fuck you." Jaemin didn't whisper, or even lower his voice. He said it so casually, and he noticed your confident stare flinch for a bit.
"I would, but I'm afraid you're not my type." Its like you two were having an asshole-off and seeing who's more cockier than the other. Jaemin isn't competitive, but he's not gonna lose this one.
"Don't be silly. I'm everybody's type." Jaemin definitely won by that line. Or so he thoughts.
"Judging from words on the streets, You're a walking STD. I think I'm gonna pass." This time, Jaemin's sure that you're just pissing him off. Maybe this is your way of playing hard to get, but Jaemin likes to play dirty.
"I fuck a lot but I'm clean, and even if that happens, I'm sure your little school nurse friend can help you." Visible shock in your face, its clear that Jaemin pushed your buttons. Your confident facade slowly shaking, as you gulped and blink trying to process what he just said.
But that didn't last long, only seconds after, you pulled back your smirk. "Oh, you've done some research, I see."
"Now come on, pretty girl. What do you say?" He started to feel it. He's cracking your hard shell.
"Are you really good in bed as they say you were?"
"Go on and ask your friend."
---
"Holy f-fuck, J-jaemin.. shit.. slowdown!" Your table aggressively banging as you bent over it, Jaemin mercilessly pistoning you from behind. His pants not even half way down his thighs, the lower hem of his shirt in between his teeth, showing his glistening abs flexing as he thrusts.
His left hand locking both yours behind your back, and his right hand keeping your head on the table, facing your side. Your mesh tights has been ripped, your skirt all the way up your stomach. One by one, your things that was left on the table started to fall on the ground, as Jaemin's aggressive thrusts forcefully moves the table on a rocking motion.
"Shi.. fuck, I'm coming.." Your hoarse voice was prominent, only motivates Jaemin to hit even harder. Only grunts and growls was heard from the boy, his moans blocked by his shirt between his teeth. Jaemin wasn't only fucking you, he's proving a point aswell. To you, and to himself.
He removes his hands from your head, allowing you to look at him from behind. His free hand brushed his hair backwards, still keeping his tempo. Sweat dripping, his thrusts started to stutter. He then grabbed your face, and pulled you to his chest. Letting go of the shirt in his lips, he whispered, "Come with me, sweetheart."
His hands finding your waist as he felt your walls tighten, an intense whine leaving your mouth as your leg shakes quietly. That triggered his own release, murmuring a few curse words as all his movements halts. Only heavy breathing was heard, everything else dead silent. He slowly pulls out, earning a moan from the both of you.
"That was.." You couldn't even finish, fixing your clothes, quickly sitting at one of your chairs on the table, afraid your knees might give out.
"Intense." Jaemin tucked himself on his pants as he sat down in front of you.
"Not bad," You smirked at him, trying to keep your composure. Jaemin smirked back, proud of himself.
"I thought I wasn't your type?"
"Gotta know what's all the fuss is about. I guess the cat died and curiousity wins." Out of breath, you suddenly picked something on the floor, and Jaemin notices that its a marker that had fell from the table.
"If you wanna do this again," you stared grabbing Jaemin's arms and writing your number on it. "...give me a call, yeah?"
"How about Nurse Suh?" Jaemin didn't wanna sound like a little whiny boy but he had to ask. Is she still going to continue seeing him?
"What about him?" You raised your brows at him.
"Won't he be mad?" Jaemin can see the laugh you held in, before shaking your head.
"We're not in a relationship, and will never be. Same goes to you. We just fuck and go. I'm clean, I hope you are too, and we're not passing the line of being each other's fuck buddy. None of that corny shit, or you're out. I hope you understand, Jaeminnie, you're just a good dick with a pretty face." Your soft face does not match the words you just spilled out. And Jaemin thinks he's hit the jackpot.
No commitments? Just good sex? With you? He thinks he's in heaven. He can't wait to tell the boys about this.
If Jaemin was in the movies, he would've fisted the air and smiled like an idiot.
"Here's to good sex?" Jaemin offers his hand, which you gladly accepted. "Good sex indeed."
---
Jaemin never minded what day it is. Just as long as he did what he needs to do today, he's fine. Tomorrow will have to wait. But eversince you, suddenly he felt impatient and counted the days until he saw you again.
After a few weeks, Jaemin and you saw each other twice a week, mostly Thursdays and Sundays, the days where your schedules matched. Jaemin never knew he would be stuck with one girl for this long, but damn. You're too good. You keep Jaemin on his toes every time he sees you. You were like a gift, waiting to be opened everytime. The excitement and the thrill always feels brand new. And Jaemin would never admit it, but every week, he'd hope the other days go by quickly and wishes it was Thursday again.
"He's smiling like a creep again, Jeno! What the fuck is up with your bestfriend?!" Haechan dramatically hid behind Jeno as Jaemin walked inside their little hang out spot, the old elementay library that became abandoned throughout the renovations.
"He's apparently getting the best pussy in the campus." Jeno shrugged and pushed Haechan away before he plopped himself down the couch.
"You're banging Im Hayeon?" Haechan widen his eyes as he strides towards Jaemin.
"No, dimwit. He's fucking y/n." Renjun, unbothered as usual as he continued drawing in his iPad.
"No way-- no fucking way!" Haechan gasps, grabbing Jaemin's shoulder as he shook it. Jaemin slaps away Haechan's hands and pushed him aside to sit beside Jeno.
"Shut up, Haechan. You're being dramatic." Jaemin pulled out his phone, hoping he would see your name pop up. Surprisingly, nothing but social media notifications greeted him, message requests and follows from people he doesn't know. He checked what time it is, 2:45pm.
Okay. Its still early. She'll text later.
"In all seriousness, dude, do you guys talk? like aside from doing it-- I mean." Jeno's tone was unusual. It's like he's being careful about something, or he wants to say something.
"Yeah? The fuck? D'you think we just fuck and go? Of couse we talk. Why?" Jaemin noticed Jeno's way of talking, turning his whole body towards his bestfriend.
"She tell you something about her?" This time, Renjun and Haechan leaned in.
"Get to the point, man." Jaemin.
"Nah, cuz the girl I was with last night told me that she's really... uh, popular at her previous school." Jeno, knowing the whole context, winced at the word 'popular'.
"What do you mean?" Jaemin's smile when he came here was no longer visible, replacing it with a frown as his brows creased in nervousness.
"I don't know-- man, I think you just... ask her, y'know?" Jeno wasn't comfortable sharing the information he had, but he knew Jaemin needs to know. But he wasn't sure if he's in the place to tell it.
But Haechan did not give a fuck. He's intrigued, and before they knew it, he's deep inside his phone texting someone.
"What are you doing?" Renjun asked.
"Since Jeno is being a pussy and won't share, I'm finding it out." And a second before Haechan could even type another letter, Jeno grabbed his phone away.
"Don't! Don't fucking search it. We should respect her, man. She's still a girl and I heard it was taken down---"
Haechan gasped even louder, even breathing out an "oh my god", He didn't say it out loud but the four of them were thinking the same thing.
"Holy fuck, she has a sex tape?!" Haechan, ofcourse was the first one to break the silence.
And once again, you surprised Jaemin.
---
"I'm famished, god damn." You sat beside Jaemin on your old couch, digging a spoon on your bowl of cereal. Your top barely even buttoned, you started eating a spoonfull after another.
"Slow down, you'll--" before Jaemin even finishes, you caught something in your throat and coughed almost everything in your mouth.
"What did i tell you? Aish-" Jaemin quickly then grabbed the tissue beside the couch and started to wipe your face. He grabbed the bowl from you, putting it aside and wiping some of the milk that had spilled on you.
He then stood up and walked towards your kitchen, as if he owns the place. Next thing you know, he comes back with a glass of water in his hands.
"Thank you," you managed to blurt out in the middle of your coughing and drank the water.
"I thought you didn't have a gag reflex the way you sucked my dick earlier," Jaemin joked, earning a playful slap in his shoulder from you.
"Shut up, movies starting." Jaemin didn't give a single fuck about the movie playing on screen. Haechan's voice keeps ringing in his ear, and as much as he wanted to stay out of it and respect your privacy, something in him wants to know. Its like an itch wanting to be scratched.
"Tom Holland's like the perfect spiderm-- Jaemin?" The boy's trance was interrupted when you call his name. He didn't realize that he was staring off to nothing instead of watching the movie he picked.
"Yeah?" Jaemin blinked thrice before looking at you, your eyes peaked interest as you examined his face.
"You're out of it, what're you thinking?" You paused the movie, moving your body to fully face him.
Jaemin can't wait. He has to know. "Just curious, where did you say your last school is?" He hoped his question wasn't too obvious.
"I didn't say anything?" Okay, hold up. Plan backfired. Fuck!
"What? I-I swear you told me, like, last time? Sacre--"
"Sacred Heart. Yeah. And no, I didn't tell you about it." Like the many times, Jaemin was nervous. Again. You make him so.. unlike himself. What the fuck is it with you?
"Oh, wait, are you sure--"
"You heard about it, huh?" Jaemin couldn't tell if the smirk on your face was a good thing. He doesn't want to fuck this up, and he's starting to think he just did.
"I'm sorry, If you don't want to talk about it--"
"It's fine. It's not that bad. Hell, It could've earned so much if it was uploaded in a porn site, y'know? Stupid Mr. Nakamoto," You chuckled, nonchalantly turning your body towards the screen again, as if what you just said didn't just shocked Jaemin to the core.
The fact that you weren't bothered about it, and even sounded like you're bragging about it wasn't the main thing Jaemin was apalled by. "Mr. Nakamoto?"
You smiled, as if you were reminiscing, "He was my Biology teacher. Couldn't accept the fact that I'm leaving him so he went and blackmailed me with the video, but his phone got stolen and poof, it spread around like a wildfire. If you ask another person tho, they'd just say I spread it myself. You choose what you believe-- I don't really care." And you looked like it too. You did not care, because if you did, you wouldn't just tell all of this to Jaemin.
"Did anything happened to that assho-- Mr. Nakamoto?" Jaemin feels heated. He doesn't know why, but what he knows is he wants to suckerpunch whoever that Nakamoto is.
"Got his license removed, but you know what's even more fun?" You leaned onto him, your lips next to his ear and whispered, "His wife was so devastated her husband had to find someone younger to fuck, she filed for divorce the very next day."
And just like that, Jaemin was left speechless. Again.
---
"Jaem, someone's looking for you." Renjun tapped his friend's shoulder, pointing at the student standing on the door. Jaemin slowly opened his eyes, way too tired to even stand up, and looked who it was.
To his surprise, it was Yoon Jeonghan. He knew this would come sooner or later, since he had a.. thing with his sister for a while. But he never thought that Jeonghan cared, afterall, Jeonghan never talked to him about it.
But oh boy, was he wrong.
"Heard you're fooling around with y/n?" Jeonghan was serious. He wasn't looking at Jaemin, he's just staring ahead. His hands on his pocket, as Jaemin stood behind him, confused.
"Yeah? What about it?" He knew you and Jeonghan were friends, he often sees you with him. But why does this conversation feel more intense?
"And my sister already talked to you about it, right?" This time, Jeonghan looked at him.
"Yeah, she's being weird about it." Somehow, Jaemin wants this conversation to be about Jiho instead of you. He wishes Jeonghan was only after him because of his sister, because then, he knew what to do. But its you. Jaemin never know what to do with you.
"Because she's right. You should stay away from her, man. Just-- a friendly advice, alright?" Jaemin hated how Jeonghan sounded so sincere. What could be so awful about you that even this man, who he never even talked to, warned him about you?
"Dude, not to sound rude, but how the fuck does me fucking around with y/n, your business?" His voice slightly getting sharper, owing to the fact that he hated getting told what to do.
"You're a good man, Na. I'm sure there's more prettier-- even more fucking hotter girls than her. She's not..." Jeonghan paused, almost saying something he would regret, "... good for you. I've known her forever, and she's not the type to be with."
"I know you're older than me, and I mean this with utmost respect, you and your sister should mind your own business. I don't know what she did to you and Jiho, but she's fine. And we're not even together! We're just fooling around! Y'all are so dramatic." With that, Jaemin turned around and left Jeonghan. He sounded so unbothered by all of this, but in all honestly, he's starting to question if there's really a valid reason on why Jeonghan and Jiho was so sincere about you being apparently, a bad person.
The way you laugh at Jaemin, the way you smiled, you tell your stories, and everything Jaemin saw you do, you being a bad person doesn't make sense to him. Sure, you've done some fucked up things but Jaemin never cared about that. You showed him genuine happiness, and Jaemin could never see you in the light that Jeonghan and Jiho painted you out to be.
And just like clockwork, your name popped up in his screen. Just as if everything in the past fifteen minutes never happened, his steps became slightly faster as he grabbed his things. He couldn't be more excited to see you again.
---
"This is pretty." Jaemin pointed out a painting, whilst he dressed himself. You were also doing the same thing, but you looked at where he was pointing at.
It was your artwork from last year. The canvas was leaning beside your dresser, along with other canvasses that you never put up.
"Wonderstruck." you said. You were a bit appalled that Jaemin noticed the only work you were actually proud of. It wasn't even displayed in the front, it was almost entirely covered by unfinished canvasses.
"Wonderstruck? That's its name? It's really beautiful." Jaemin sounded sincere, he really found the painting pretty. It was a couple, sitting by a river on golden hour. Sky was the shade of orange and blue, nighttime seeking in but the sun's still there, laying real low. It was in a middle of a field, lavender flowers scattered around.
It was new to you, men showing interest on something more than your face and body. It sparked something in you, Jaemin knew that with the way you jumped out of your bed, biting your lip, hesitating for a second, "Want to show you something."
"What do you think?" You were standing beside your kitchen table, with a few printed photos of people Jaemin didn't know. It was all in black in white, and all of them showed genuine smiles.
"Cool. Who are they?" Jaemin was adjusting his belt as he scanned every picture. The way you're looking so innocent and fluffy, showing him your photo collection can fool a person into thinking you did not just have mindblowing sex minutes prior. Jaemin stifles a laugh.
You, in your overalls smiled so brightly at him, excited that Jaemin showed interest on your work. "They're random people I saw on the street." You were fidgety, kept on arranging the photos. Looking at Jaemin for any signs of validation. Jaemin thought you were so cute, but he never said it out loud.
"Is it for your project?" Now, Jaemin doesn't have a single clue about the Art department in his school, but he knew it's important for you, so he tried his best.
"No. I just did it." You took one picture and showed it to him upclose. "I just like to see people smiling, you know? There's just something so precious with asking people to smile for you. Because when they do, you can tell that they just feel.. pretty. And I like making people feel pretty." You were so caught up in explaining that you didn't notice how Jaemin was looking at you. And he was thankful you didn't see it.
The way his eyes just expressed a thousand strings of emotions he's afraid to show almost felt dangerous, he didn't want to get caught. But for a moment, he let it happen because he was sure you were focused on something else. All the while he was focused on you. Because while you were explaining how smiling makes people pretty, he was thinking that you didn't need to smile and he's already thinking that you were the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on.
But before you could even looked at him, Jaemin quickly focused his gaze on the photo you were showing him. "That's cool. But I never knew you were into photography aswell. I thought you were into paintings only."
"I'm into art, Jaem. And art comes with different things. Although I like painting more, photography is my second favorite. Here, before you go," Swiftly, you grabbed your polaroid camera and stood beside Jaemin, putting your arms around his shoulder making you stand on your tippy toes, and angling the camera where it could capture you both. Jaemin was caught by surprise but he still managed to smile and pull you tighter.
As soon as the flash disappeared, you removed yourself from him and grabbed the film. "This one's for you, so you could remember who your best sex was." She winked at him and chuckled before going back to rearrange her photos.
Jaemin, on the other hand, his eyes never left your figure. He was in awe, he was amazed, and fuck it, he was wonderstruck. But most importantly, he was fucking scared.
---
The next thursday came, and surprisingly, you didn't call. Jaemin liked to think you were just busy, so he never reached out. There's still sunday, he thought. And even if you didn't reach out this sunday, its okay. It's not like you had to keep the schedule, right?
Besides, Jaemin was busy aswell. He's planning Jeno's birthday. Usually, Renjun and Haechan was the one assigned to planning parties, but Renjun was occupied and Haechan wasn't feeling it. They were still helping Jaemin, its just that Jaemin wanted to throw a party for his bestfriend this time. Also, to take his mind off of you for a bit.
If he wasn't busy and occupied with something, Jaemin might go insane thinking about where you are or why you haven't been calling him. So he initiated.
"How fucking long is your list, Jaemin?" Renjun couldn't believe how long he's been scrolling through Jaemin's list for the party invitations. Yet, he isn't surprised.
"You know you can just announce that you're throwing a party and literally everyone who knows you and Jeno will come, right?" Haechan, laying on the couch scrolling mindlessly on his phone.
"Nah, I don't want some weirdo showing up uninvited." Jaemin pointed out, but he left out another reason. He wanted to waste time on listing names just to get you out his mind even for a short time.
"Well don't forget about Jisung's best friend." Haechan smirked.
"Jeno's brother's bestfriend? That's weirdly specific, bro." Jaemin added, shrugging his shoulders. Still, he wrote it down.
"A little birdie told me that Jeno has a thing for his brother's bestfriend." Haechan chuckled, fixing his glasses.
"What? How come I never knew that?" Jaemin asked. He's Jeno's best friend and an information like this would surely come up. Yet its the first time he's heard of this.
"That's because you're so far up that mystery y/n girl's ass you're starting to look like anal beads, bro." Renjun winced at Haechan's choice of words, but then again, he's used to it.
"I'm not, dude. I'm here most of the time, aren't I?" Jaemin looked at Renjun for validation, but he just rolled his eyes at him.
"He's actually right, Jaemin. You're whipped." Renjun added, smirking.
"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm literally here in front of you guys, on a thursday, which I'm supposed to be with her-- but I'm not because she didn't call-- but also because I want to be with you ass--"
"The more you talk, the more you prove our point. You're fucking whipped, Na Jaemin." Haechan sat down properly, playfull shoving Jaemin to provoke him. Jaemin just hit Haechan's hands away but that didn't stop the boy from annoying him.
"Think of it, dude. You went through two months with her-- only her. Two months-- dude. That's fucking bizarre for you. It's either that pussy was gold, or-- just like what we're saying, your ass is whipped." Haechan was pissing Jaemin off, not because he doesn't agree, its because he does. And admitting that would just fuck up everything you two have.
"I don't know what you're talking about. You guys are tripping, big time. I'm not whipped." Lies tasted bitter in his mouth. He might just be whipped.
He walked out of their hangout room, and just as he opened the door, his eyes widen. You were there, standing with your messy bun, clueless eyes and a box in your hand.
"H-hey?" Jaemin was caught offguard, as he closed the door behind him.
"That room looks like it stinks."
Jaemin chuckled, it does. "Mostly of weed and old furniture. What's up?"
"I,- uh, baked some cookies. Just-- y'know, wanted you to have some." You awkwardly raised your box of cookies to present them to Jaemin, and it takes so much of him not to melt on the spot.
"Thank you," Jaemin resisted the urge to call you 'baby', mostly because he didn't know if he was allowed to do it outside your apartment.
"Tell you what-- why don't we eat it together?" Jaemin.
"I'm free until 4:30?"
"Cool, we can go to the garden, there's barely any student there."
Jaemin smiled and grabbed you by your wrist. "But I know a much more cooler place."
"Really? Where?" Jaemin stopped, and it was your turn to hold him by the wrist.
Jaemin didn't ask, he just let you drag him anywhere. You could take him to a lion's den, he wouldn't care. Anywhere is fine with him as long as you're there.
After climbing on a flight of stairs, Jaemin noticed that you two ended up on Art department building's rooftop.
He hasn't been in here, and it was.. interesting. It looks like any other rooftop, messy and full of unused class chairs, except there was a spot where there's an old couch, just like what they have on their hangout spot. There's a random mini refrigerator and a lamp-- thats it.
"This is my super secret place. Be greatful I let you in here." You squinted your eyes at Jaemin as you patted the seat beside you, basically asking him to sit.
Jaemin did so, and looked ahead. He can see the entire school campus in here.
"This is pretty." He whispered.
"Much better than your stinky room, huh?" You bragged, opening a can of cola that you have on the mini fridge.
"Hey, how come you have that? We requested to have one but the stupid school didn't let us."
"Oh, this little guy? Johnny helped me with it." You smirked, tapping the blue mini fridge.
"Johnny?" A new name in Jaemin's books. Who's Johnny?
"Nurse Suh? His name is Johnny Suh, you didn't know?"
"I didn't." His vibe went a bit south, but he didn't let that spoil your moment together. It was rare for you to approach him in school, and he wanted to have that moment.
"This is good, damn." Jaemin munched on the cookies you got for him and it was honestly tasty. Better than any other cookies he had before, or maybe he was biased and his judgement was greatly affected by the fact that you made it. Eitherway, the cookies are delicious.
"I only made one batch and even that was too much for me. I wanted to give some out but.." you paused. "Funny, you're the only one I had in mind."
"Nurse Suh?" Jaemin didn't even know why he brought the guy up again, but he did.
"Nah, we don't do that." You smiled.
"And we do?" A tinge of hope sparked in Jaemin, that maybe he had some difference between him and Nurse Suh. Maybe you do treat him more special. A guy can dream, can't he?
"Sure, we do. I mean, I can't just throw away this exceptionally good tasting cookies, can't I? And you're the only one I have right now.. so."
Jaemin was enthusiastic. He felt like he won something. He can't help but smile even more, but also, he felt bad. When you said he was the only one you have, he thought about Jiho and Jeonghan.
"What about the Yoon siblings?"
You let out a humourless chuckle, more like a scoff. "Jiho doesn't talk to me anymore and Jeonghan.. well. It's complicated."
"I swear I just saw you two eating at the cafeteria." Heck, that's how he found out about you. Because you were sitting at the cafeteria beside Jeonghan.
"He just sat with me because he felt bad I was eating alone. Also I barely go down there to eat-- so he kinda just.. I don't know. Let's not talk about them anymore, Jaem."
---
"Look at me, baby." Jaemin whispered, softly grabbing your jaw to turn your head towards him. He has you on your side, holding your right thigh up as he slowy thrust. He can see that you're near, and damn, he can feel it too.
"J-jaem.." You start shaking, as your entire body give out. Looking into his eyes, his own pleasure wasn't on the table anymore, he just wants you to feel good. He can safely say that you are indeed the prettiest when you cum, and he's glad he can see you this way.
"That's right, sweetheart. Let go for me, will you?" This was very different on how you usually do it with him. You were usually intense, rough and fast, but something about tonight feels more... passionate. Jaemin never went any faster than his current tempo, yet he still hits every spot. Slow and deep, while he looks at your face, admiring the beauty he's glad he had the priviledge to see.
"Kiss me, Jaemin." You didn't even have to ask twice, Jaemin already dipped his head lower to reach your lips, tasting you while your walls tightens, your whimpers covered by his own lips, you just came.
Once Jaemin pulls away, he pulls a few strings of hair strands away your face to see you. Your eyes glistening, and not long when you let a tear drop. Jaemin could never wish for anything more than this.
"You're so beautiful, y/n." He whispered, more to himself, than to you.
"Thank you." You softly answered, smiling at him and giving him another kiss. Jaemin then let go of your thigh, instead wrapping his arms on your waist. It seems like you got the idea that he's near his climax so you positioned yourself in a way that he gets more of you, sticking your backside out more thus facing away from him.
"No, no, princess keep looking at me." Jaemin whispered and you followed, facing him again.
"You gonna cum for me, baby?" You asked sensually. His thrust slightly getting deeper, but never faster. His eyes went back and forth with both of your eyes as he nodded.
"For you, my love." He mumbled. His jaw slightly ajar, brows furrowed as he let out a deep moan, abruptly staying still and you felt his release warming up your walls.
"You did so good, Jaemin. So, so good." Your compliments just adds to his pleasure. Shivers ran down his spine, he manages to calm himself after his intense climax.
"You're so good to me. I lik--" Before Jaemin finishes, you pulled away from him.
"I'm taking a piss." You said, forcing yourself to stand up and walk your way to the bathroom.
And just like how he felt so good seconds before, it suddenly got washed away with the feeling of dismay. He can't believe he just attempted to say that. Fuck. Running his hands on his face, he mentally curses himself for being wreckless.
You were still in the bathroom when Jaemin heard a few knocks. He's confused, grabbing his phone to look at the time.
9:47pm. Who could visit you at this time?
He grabbed his boxers and quickly putting it on, as well as his shirt but he didn't bother to make himself presentable. He opened the door and his eyes widen.
"Nurse Suh?" He eyed the tall man, and the guy eyed him too. Both of them are confused as to why the other is standing where they are.
"Na Jaemin? What the hell are you doing here?" Johnny wasn't even sure why he was asking that, it's clear with Jaemin's shuffled hair and obviously--- him in his boxers.
"I'm sure you know the answer to that." Jaemin sounded rude, but he does not give a shit. Nurse Suh poses as a threat to him and your-- uh, situationship -- and Jaemin doesn't have a reason to be nice to him.
"Where is she?" Johnny's voice was full of concern, as he looked past the younger boy just to get a glimpse inside your apartment. That's until Jaemin steps outside, and closing the door behind him.
"What do you want from her?" Jaemin looks at him, and although the guy was taller and has a bigger built, again, he doesn't care.
"I'm sure you know the answer to that." Johnny's tone and him mocking Jaemin pissed him more. Letting out a huge breath, Jaemin looked at him straight in the eyes.
"You know-- you're whole relationship with her is fucked up, right?" Johnny was surprised on how Jaemin just turned off the calm facade. He didn't expect him to be triggered like this
"What relationship? You out of all people should know she doesn't do relationsh--"
"Yeah, whatever. You can't fuck around with her anymore, man. You're a fucking school staff, and she's a student. Also, you have a fucking girlfriend. I don't know how you're okay with this."
"The same way she's okay with it. Look, kid," Johnny closed his eyes and massaged his temples, he continued. "... me and her, we've been through some shit. Shit that you can't handle. But I know.. man, you care for her. And I don't want to hear your bullshit, you do care for her. And I do too. But she's not the kind to be with, y'know? She's gonna ruin--"
"Fuck! You weren't the only one who fucking told me that. I don't know what she did to you, but she's fine with me. If you think of her as this fucking tragedy on legs, then maybe you don't really care, don't you? But I do. So get off my fucking ass and don't see her again. Or I'm gonna have to report you." Jaemin didn't know where all of his words came from, but it did feel good. He doesn't think about the consequences of everything, but one thing's for sure. He's not gonna let anyone talk shit about you anymore.
Johnny, tho, never flinched. Instead, he smirks and even let out a chuckle. "You've got some nerves, kid. Okay. I'll back off. But don't come running back when she breaks you." he then turned around and got ready to leave, but a few steps in, he turned to Jaemin again.
"...oh, and tell her Happy birthday."
Jaemin stood there for a minute, watching Johnny leave. It's your birthday? How come you never said anything?
After a few deep breaths, he went inside the apartment again. Just in time when you walked out the bathroom, hair all wet and with a set of new pajamas.
"You done?" Jaemin approached with a smile.
"Yeah. You wanna take a shower?" You looked up at him. He shook his head as he patted your head. "You hungry?" he asked.
You smiled even more, looking up at him expectantly, "Please?"
"Okay. I'll go get us some food, alright? You don't worry your pretty little head." Jaemin gave you a kiss on the top of your head before getting his pants and keys, walking out of the apartment.
Not even half an hour, Jaemin came back. Not only with takeout, but also a bento box. You looked at him kind of confused on what it is, but when he opened it, your eyes widen. It was a small cake that he bought on the convenience store. He wanted a much more expensive one but he also wants to get back to you as soon as possible.
He then pulled out a small candle, sticking it onto the cake. Pulling out a newly bought lighter, and lighting the candle. "Happy birthday, princess. Make a wish." He smiles softly at you.
When all of this was happening, you didn't say a thing. You just looked at him with your glassy eyes, your mouth slightly apart. You blinked hard and fast before finally tracing back to yourself, "I'm.. how did you know?" you asked.
"Doesn't matter. Now come on, candle's burning out." Thats when you looked down on the candle, quickly closing your eyes, clasping your hands together as you thought hard about what you're wishing. Seconds after, you opened your eyes and blew on the candle.
Jaemin was still smiling, setting the small cake aside to give you a kiss on your forehead. He was surprised when your arms wrapped around his waist.
"Why do you have to make me so happy, Jaem? You make it so hard. So hard." You whispered, but Jaemin heard everything. He desparately wanted to answer, because he had an answer. And its something he's afraid to tell you. Because the result was uncertain. Its either it goes perfectly well, or he lose you. And he's not gonna take that risk.
So instead, he just returned your embrace, but even more tighter, giving you another kiss on your forehead. "I don't know." he answered quietly, lying to you and to himself.
"You're a good person, Jaem. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Your vulnerable voice made Jaemin feel warm. In a way, you sounded truthful. You felt genuine.
"You're lucky, then." Slowly, Jaemin. Lay it on her slowly.
"I can't have you." Your bitter smile showed.
"Why not?" Every second counted, every breath you take suddenly mattered.
"I can't do that to you," With a shaking voice, you buried your face in his chest even more.
"I don't understa--"
"Just shut up, shut the fuck up and let me have this." And with that, Jaemin never muttered another word. Instead, he just held you closer like this was the last time he gets to do so.
"Jaem?" You looked up at him, Jaemin looked dow n at you with his eyebrows up.
"I'm sorry." You said. And Jaemin didn't want to ask why you were apologizing, he doesn't like to know the reason behind it. Because he doesn't want you to give him a reason why he needs to forgive you about something.
---
"I think I'm inlove with her."
"Ya think?" Jeno, deep inside his phone, seems like he's stressed about something. Never minding his best friend's struggle, because everybody already knew Jaemin was inlove with you. It's not new information.
"Fuck! Shit!" Both their heads turn as they saw Renjun ran inside their hangout spot and closed the door.
"Hell is wrong with you?" Jaemin asked, but Renjun ignored him and proceeds to lock the door.
"Why's everybody so weird today?" Jaemin mumbled.
It is a very weird day for Jaemin. Somehow, he feels like something's not right. Well, yeah, his undying love for you was one thing he was stressed about but there's more, today's not like every other day, he thought.
That goes on for the rest of his morning. Its like he's waiting on something to happen, like everybody was so tense. You didn't text or call either, which was feeding onto Jaemin's paranoia. It's not like he's being clingy, but he's genuinely feeling something unsettling in his chest.
Maybe it was the coffee he had this morning, or maybe the fact that he's never had this dilemma about a girl before.
So, finally giving up his pride, he texted you.
4:50pm jaemin: wya
4:52pm jaemin: heyy
4:58pm jaemin: ??
You not answering definitely did not help. So, the next big thing he can come up with was go to your apartment. Not a smart choice but Jaemin never once claimed to be smart.
Once he took a step towards your door, for a moment. Jaemin regretted going here. He can see that your lights are on, and can hear shuffling inside. But fuck it, he's already here.
He thought you had someone over, maybe Johnny, or someone else. That made him heated. But the closer he was on your front door, he heard yelling-- and another voice, which he could tell was from a girl.
The door was ajar-- and once he was right infront of it, he could hear everything.
"Y/N! Please! Not him-- he's a good person. You know that!" He confirmed that it was Jiho who was arguing with you.
"I don't care what you feel, Jiho. Get the fuck out of my apartment!"
"Leave Jaemin alone--" Once Jaemin heard his name, his feet froze on the spot.
"Why the fuck are you so nosy? Is it because I stole your little Na Jaemin? Then go ahead! Get him back! But, oh-- newsflash, he doesn't want you anymore. Washed up and used--" The sound of a slap made Jaemin finally interfere. He walked up inside your apartment and saw you holding your cheek and Jiho crying. Both of them looked at him shocked.
"What are you doing here?" Jiho was the first one to speak, but Jaemin's eyes were focused on you.
"Did you just hurt her?" Jaemin was angry. The sight of your cheeks red and the fact that he knows Jiho just slapped you didn't sit right with him.
"Didn't you heard what she said?! Didn't you fucking understand what kind of person she is?" Jiho cried even more, she couldn't believe that someone as sweet as Jaemin would side with the most vile person she knows.
"Doesn't give you the right to hurt her." Jaemin threw all his principles away at this point. He doesn't care anymore.
"You're poisoning his mind, Y/N!" Jiho shouted, which you just smirked at her. Jaemin can't find the warmth inside your eyes, he just saw something empty.
"I didn't do shit, Jiho. Maybe you should just learn how to get out of my fucking trail. Or should I do something? Should I break your brother's heart for the second time?" Jaemin didn't know this version of you. Its like you've thrown away every emotion you have just to spite everyone.
"Don't you fucking dare." Jiho attempted to step towards you again but Jaemin put himself in between you and Jiho.
"Just go, Jiho." Jaemin calmly said.
Jiho didn't say anything, and let out a huge puff before walking out of the apartment, sobbing. She slammed the door shut and quickly the room went silent. None of you dared to talk for the first couple of minutes.
"I didn't want you here," you started.
Jaemin didn't say anything, instead, picking up some things that fell on the floor, trying to fix the apartment. Your paint brushes, your keys, and even some of your photos were on the floor. Must've been a very intense argument.
"Did you hear me, Jaemin? I don't want you here!" your voice strained, Jaemin pretended not to hear you as he continue to clean up the mess.
"Are you hungry? Want me to get you dinner?" Jaemin's voice was as normal as it can be. It doesn't make sense to you. But everything in this situation doesn't make sense.
Jaemin should be mad. Jaemin should go and leave you. Jaemin wasn't supposed to stay.
"Whatever-- do what you want. I'm going to bed."
Jaemin likes to think that in a couple of hours, you'll come up and be in a great mood. Sun shining and all that corny shit. Jaemin was also overly enthusiastic, one that masks with the real thing he's feeling right now. Nervous. Worried.
For a couple of days. Jaemin tried his best to get you out of your apartment because remember, you two are students. You were supposed to go to school. But you never left your bed. And for the first few days, Jaemin didn't go to school too. He was in your apartment day and night, looking after you. This wasn't like you before, Jaemin swears its like you're a whole new different person.
You didn't talk, didn't want to get up, and he knows damn well you aren't sleeping for the past days. You just layed there, emotionless.
He didn't know why he was doing this. You weren't you anymore and Jaemin doesn't know who he was even taking care of anymore. But he's still here. He's still with you.
The third day went and Jaemin is still in your apartment. Ignoring his friends-- and shit, even his mom. He doesn't want them to know why he's MIA for the past few days. He doesn't want everyone to know yours and his business. Whatever happenes between you two, stays between you two.
Jaemin woke up with you sitting on the kitchen. Eyes staring at nowhere, hair dishevelled and bags under your eyes forming.
"Goodmorning," Jaemin said in his sweet voice, careful not to scare you.
"I don't know how many times I should tell you this, but you should go, Jaemin. While I'm being nice." Even your voice sounds like a stranger. The pinch of joy that used to come with your voice were no longer there.
"I will, but I need to make sure you're fine---"
"I'm fine! I don't fucking need you here!" You yelled, Jaemin flinched but still remained calm.
"Are you hungry--"
"Maybe you've become dumb and stupid that you can't comprehend a simple fucking sentence, huh? I'm done with you, Jaemin. I'm sorry but you're useless to me now. I need a new face around here and yours is--"
"You really want me to leave?" Jaemin sincerely asked, like he was tired. Your eyes lifted, and you nodded.
"Yes." Jaemin's lips formed a thin line, his jaw clenched.
"Fine." He calmly walked away-- and convinced he can't take it anymore. He was tired mentally, emotionally and physically. You didn't want to be helped and Jaemin knew he can't handle you.
But as soon as the door shut behind him, his feet stood frozen as he waited. And not even a couple of minutes, the sound of your sobbing on the other side of the door made Jaemin turn his steps.
He was tired, but not fatigued. He knew he couldn't handle you but he can try. You didn't want to be helped but maybe tomorrow you change your mind. And maybe, just maybe, he can take another day.
"Breakfast, y/n. Come on." Jaemin, the fourth day. He went home for a bit, took a shower, but quickly went back to your place. And in his surprise, you were out of bed.
He can hear the faucet running, so he knew you were in the bathroom.
A few moments later, he heard you coming out of the shower. And there you are, hair all wet, freshen up after a few dreadful days and Jaemin was starting to see the color coming back in your skin.
"You feeling better, baby?" He softly asked.
"What are you still doing here?"
Jaemin didn't say anything, instead, giving you the most precious smile he had. "Come on, I cooked pancakes."
"Jaemin, get out. We're done, Jaemin. Get the fuck out!" Tears started forming again in your newly healed eyes, as you pointed out the door.
"I'm not leaving you, y/n." Finally, Jaemin acknowledged the situation.
"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? When I say we're done, we're done, Jaemin. Can't get that through your thick head?" Words spew like venom, Jaemin starting to feel like he's staring at a stranger. Who is this person in front of him?
"I know you're upset and you haven't eaten a proper meal in days--"
"The fuck do you care?" And with that, you ticked something off from Jaemin.
"Fuck do I care?! Y/N, you've pushed everyone around you away and I was the one who stayed! For days I didn't go anywhere and stayed with you, y/n. Do I care?! Because even if I don't know what the fuck is going on with you I still fucking stayed! So yeah, I'd like to think that I care for you because I fucking lo-- shit!" Jaemin caught himself before actually saying the thing. He knows its a deal breaker if he said it but hopefully, you already felt it.
"Did I ask you to do all of that shit?"
Jaemin can almost feel his heart shatter. You really didn't care about him, or his feelings. He had a little bit of hope. And with a single sentence, you destroyed it.
Jaemin let out a humourless chuckle. "Fine. We're fucking done, y/n."
---
It's been a week and Jaemin's friends started to worry. Jaemin barely ate-- didn't attend his classes and barely got out of their hangout spot. Jeno had a call with his mom and told him that Jaemin didn't once contact them in almost a month. And thats where Jeno knew something was wrong. Jaemin loved his mom-- and he would never ghost her.
"Man, I don't know what to do. He just flicked me off when I offered him ramen." Haechan was serious. You barely see him being this concerned-- but even him, knows something was wrong with Jaemin.
"Is it about that y/n girl?" Renjun asked.
"Probably. I mean, eversince she came into the picture Jaemin basically became a different person." Jeno haven't met you yet, but this, what you're doing to his bestfriend definitely isn't giving a good impression.
"Maybe they're done. If Jaemin's looking like this and haven't mentioned a single thing about her, I think that's what this is." Renjun said, looking at his friend, and his sleeping figure.
"I have an idea." Haechan stood up and huddled his friends, but Jeno and Renjun stepped away. "No, Haechan, you don't."
"What? At least I'm trying to help our friend!" He grabbed both of his friends again, "Anyways-- we should introduce him to another girl. Get him back in the game, y'know?"
"What are we talking about?" The three of them almost jumped when Jaemin was suddenly huddled with them.
"Nothing! We're just thinking about how much booze we're buying for Jeno's party." Haechan's quick wits came into action but Jaemin didn't buy it.
"Stop being weird." He casually walked back to the sofa and plopped himself down again.
Jeno tho, had enough. "You're weird! What the fuck is with this act, bro? You look lovesick or some shit."
"m not doing anything, the fuck are you on about?" Jeno got even more pissed, because Jaemin was blatantly lying.
"That girl you're with is causing trouble, dude. You're barely going to class, we haven't seen you in days, you didn't call your mom in a week and just for her to fuck with the school nurse?" Jeno's still calm, not wanting to escalate the situation. But he figured that Jaemin needs to hear it one way of another.
Jaemin was visibly confused. What did Jeno mean about you with nurse suh? Didn't he already dealt with that?
"Saw her yesterday at the nearby convenience store with Nurse Suh. I don't know, dude but she's not worth all this shit. And I don't even wanna talk about the stuff I heard about her previous school, man." Haechan was a little hesitant about confronting Jaemin, but since Jeno has already started it he's got no choice but to just say it.
"You're out of your mind if you think you have the right to say all that shit. You don't even know her." Every word that Jaemin says was delivered with so much intensity, even the boys were starting to feel uneasy.
"We're just confused Jaem, eversince you met that y/n girl its like you became a whole new perso--" Renjun was cut off when Jaemin let out a scoff.
"Okay, I see what's going on here. If we're airing out our business here then let me have my fucking turn." Jaemin stepped towards Jeno, "You, aren't you shagging your lil bro's bestfriend? Yeah? Guess what, so is half the school."
"Hey, the hell? What's wrong with you, man?" Haechan interfered. He knew the look that Jeno has right now was serious, and he also knew that if he didn't get in between them, chaos will ensue. So he quickly stepped beside Jeno.
"What the fuck do you know about me and her, Renjun? I minded my own business when you went out with your girl out of pity." Jaemin doesn't know where that came from, but it already went out his lips. He wasn't the one to say things like that but somehow it came out. Renjun was fazed, to say the least.
"And you--" Jaemin let out an sigh and smirked, slowly turning towards Haechan. "You talk high and mighty but everybody knows you're a fucking cheater, Lee Haechan. So you, especially you, doesn't have the right to even mutter a thing about her. Because if we're talking about being an asshole, you take the fucking throne." Jaemin's eyes are empty, and so his mind. He just wanted to say anything to get back at his friends without thinking.
"Fuck you, man. Seriously. All this for that girl? You look fucking pathetic, Na Jaemin." Jeno was aggravated and fuming, but he was never gonna go down with violence, specially with his best friend. He knew better.
"It doesn't even fucking matter what you think about her anymore, cuz y'know what? We're done. She doesn't wanna see me anymore. So go ahead and talk shit about her but make sure I'm not in the fucking room next time." The room was silent, they didn't know what to say. Obviously because this was the first time they saw Jaemin like this.
"I think this shit got out of hand, I know you're upset but we're just genuinely concerned, dude." Renjun, now on the much calmer side, tries to difuse the situation.
"Okay, I'm just gonna ignore what you said because I know you're upset, Jaemin. But come on, man, you've met her what? For two months? And you're already losing yourself? I swear if this could be any other girl I wouldn't say anything but man.. she's only trouble. And you can get angry at us all you want but I'm glad you got out of that situation." This side of Haechan was rarely seen, because it only comes out when they need it the most. And for Jaemin, its also rare that he agrees with Haechan but this time, he did.
For the next week, Jaemin tried to bring himself back, and his friends noticed it too. He became active again, going to parties with them and even got back to planning on Jeno's birthday party. There was no sign of you, your name or your presence. Jaemin was starting his old ways again, meeting some girls here and there.
"Hey, what did I tell ya, huh? She's great, isn't she?" Haechan grinned at him, as they walked together.
"Nah, I've had better." Jaemin non-chalantly said.
Haechan looked at his friend, smile slowly getting bigger. "There's the asshole I know, glad you're back to the game, man!" Haechan with his proudest smile, shook Jaemin playfully and but the boy did nothing but chuckle.
His friends were satisfied and pretty much convinced that you were completely out of Jaemin's system. To see Jaemin go back to whatever he was before you, definitely brought back the Jaemin they knew.
"Happy birthday, man! Whew, how does it feel to be an old hag?" Haechan joked as he hugged Jeno, Jeno just playfully pushed him away.
The music was loud and people were starting to fill up Jeno's house. It's his parent's house and they were out of town, as per Jeno's request on his birthday. No one wants to party with their parents, ofcourse.
To say that Jaemin pulled off the party planning was an understatement. It was only 8pm and the party is already packed. Jaemin really outdid himself on this one, also with a little help from Haechan and Renjun.
"Happy birthday, Lee! This party is fucking lit, dude!" Yangyang, from engineering department went and greeted Jeno. "We've got Jaemin to thank for that." Jeno responded loudly, trying to communicate among the loud music.
"Yeah-- where's Na?" Yangyang asked, and Jeno was clueless as him. He knew Jaemin was in the house, he saw him earlier. But after that he never saw him again.
His eyes went around the room to find atleast Haechan or Renjun, and he only found Renjun on the side, in his phone. "He's around, somewhere." Jeno answered, bidding goodbye to the friend and walked across the room to approach Renjun.
"Where's Jaemin?" Jeno managed to ask.
"Upstairs with the girl Haechan introduced him to!" Renjun wiggled his eyebrows at Jeno, and Jeno nodded in agreement. At least he knew Jaemin was having fun.
Little did they know, Jaemin wasn't having fun.
"Come on, Jaemin.. how long does it take?" The girl whispered sexually, kissing his neck like its her last meal.
"Just.. don't talk." Usually it doesn't take Jaemin this long to get hard, but the girl just doesn't do it for him. Its been almost thirty minutes and Jaemin is getting tired, but he also doesn't want to disappoint, so he tries his best to focus on the girl, but he just couldn't.
His phone constantly vibrating doesn't help, so he grabbed it and threw it on the other side of the bed.
Jaemin closed his eyes, felt every single touch and did the worst thing he could ever do to himself. He imagined it was you.
You were touching him, kissing him and giving him warmth. It's you he's with, not this girl, not any girl. Its you. And it worked. It brought back memories of you that sparked something in his body. Small waves of pleasure started. And just as he's slowly starting to function, he heard the door open.
Jaemin's back was facing the door but the girl on his lap can see who just entered. The little mindgames in his head was interupted when the sound of the door brought him back to reality.
"What the fuck? This room is occupied!" The girl with him yelled, completely destroying the fantasy Jaemin created in his head. He's back to square one again, and this time he's not trying again.
As soon as the intruder left, Jaemin lifted the girl off his lap. "Sorry, Cindy, bab--" he can't even call her 'baby'. "--but you need to go."
Jaemin didn't wait for her answer and left her on the bed while he walked and locked himself on the bathroom.
As soon as he knew that the girl had officially left, that's when he went out to his room again. His hands finding his phone, he checked what time it is. 9pm.
Jaemin brushed his hands through his hair, frustrated and strssed.
He ignored the multiple chat that Jeno and Renjun had sent, and went to an food delivery app instead.
Delivery Status: Successful
Items: 1 Full Steak Meal with Pineapple Juice and NY Cheesecake
Total: 80,000krw
Notes: Don't skip a meal :) -J
Jaemin has been sending food to your place for the past week. In exactly 9pm, when he knew you'd usually have your dinner.
The next morning, he woke up fine. He didn't really drink much so he didn't have any sort of headaches or symptoms of a bad hangover.
The house was eerily quiet, as usual, the morning after a very big party.
He was the first to wake up and the whole house was trashed. He didn't expect anything else, ofcourse seeing the amount of people last night.
He knew all four of them was still in the house tho, maybe a couple of girls, so as the designated sober person he took the initiative to prepare breakfast. It was calming for Jaemin to take care of people.
Not long after he heard a couple of footsteps, and of course, it was Renjun.
"Mornin'" Renjun, hair sticking out everywhere, still in his clothes from last night.
"Had fun last night?" Jaemin asked, smirking.
"Didn't you read the texts I sent you last night?" Renjun asked. Jaemin's smirk disappeared.
"What text?"
"Jeno wouldn't want me to tell you this but... she was here. She was looking for you but Jeno and I didn't tell her where you were. She knew that you were here because she told us you invited her a while ago, she looks so.. tired. And then she asked Jisung, who doesn't have a clue with the whole y/n situation so he told her that you were upstairs." Renjun thought that Jaemin needed to know what happened. Jeno thought otherwise.
Jaemin felt his blood drain out of his body. He remembered someone knocking and opening the door to where he was with a girl last night, but he didn't know who it was. Jaemin's heart was racing. He was sure it was you. And he was also sure how fucked up it is to find him like that.
Jaemin didn't say anything, grabbing his keys as he left Renjun thinking if he made the right decision.
"Y/n! Y/n!" Jaemin was knocking on your door with urgency, and after a few, the door opened.
You were there. Standing in front of him but why can't Jaemin find any familiarity?
You were so different. You've lost weight. You're not you-- yet his heart still beats the same. His eyes still found warmth as you looked at him. The smile that left no trace on your face still lingered around Jaemin's memories and for that he still knows that somehow, you're still you.
"Hey." You whispered. You sounded weak.
Jaemin was about to hug you-- confront you about last night but once his eyes left the beauty that is your face, his heart skipped a beat. His body froze, he felt like time stopped.
Your shirt. Your fucking shirt. You're wearing a faded out starwars shirt.
"W-what are you wearing?"
"Oh this? Ah, right! Tell Haechan thank you for last night-" You smiled, the sweetest smile that Jaemin once loved, was now stabbing him in the chest.
"Don't..-- Why are you-- I don't understand.." Jaemin finally broke down, eyes letting go of the tears he held. You're breaking him down-- you're ruining him.
"What? You thought I was better?"
"Y/n.. don't do this to me.." Jaemin whispered. Knees giving out, yet he remained still.
"I don't know what to tell you, Jaemin. I'm everything they told you I would be."
"You're just.. cruel. My friend, y/n? My fucking friend?" In contrast with his cursing, his tone wasn't angry. It was despair.
"Will you leave me now?"
"Did you.. did you sleep with him?" Stupid question.
"I don't know, Jaemin. Did I?"
"You're.. fuck, y/n you're just cruel. Cruel and fucking unfair. Whatever did I do to you?" His voice strained. Drip-drop.
"Do you finally hate me?" Drip-drop.
Drip-drop.
Drip...drop.
"Yeah.. yeah I think I do."
And there it was. The last drop of Jaemin's feelings for you. Congratulations, y/n. You've finally drained him out of love.
---
Three days, Jaemin went off the grid. He stayed with his mom, giving himself a break.
He didn't want to contact any of his friends. At least not for now. He knew he still had that pent up anger towards Haechan, and he don't want to do anything that would result in him being violent. He knew that it was all your plan, just to get him to leave you alone.
What he couldn't understand is why Haechan did it. Haechan knew what Jaemin felt for you, like shit, he knew before Jaemin even knew for himself. He was one of the people who made Jaemin realize his feelings for you.
He wished he had listened to everybody and just left you alone. He wished he took everyone's advice and minded his own business. Maybe all of this wouldn't have happened.
Eventually he had to comeback. His school isn't very much happy with him and its not like its the end of the world. Everything is moving on but him, and nobody likes to be left behind.
As soon as his friends saw him, Haechan froze. He quickly tried and approached Jaemin. "Dude. Where were you? Everybody was looking for you--"
"Don't touch me, Lee Haechan." Jaemin wasn't angry, but he wasn't calm either. His tone is strong and firm, enough to stop Haechan from his tracks.
"Is this about Jeno's birthday?" Jaemin wanted to punch Haechan for even bringing it up. How could he?
"I swear to God if you don't step back--"
"What the hell is wrong with you, Jaemin?" Renjun was the one to interfere this time.
"What's wrong with me? This fucker slept with y/n and you're asking me what's wrong with me, Huang?!"
"Hold up-- hold the fuck up, What do you mean?" Jeno, eyes going back and forth between Haechan and Jaemin.
"She told you we slept together?" Haechan was legitamately confused.
"She was wearing your ugly ass shirt, Haechan."
"Yeah because I lent it to her? She was at the party and I accidentally bumped into her and she got alcohol spilled all over her shirt, Jaemin. So I had to fucking give her a shirt and then she ran away right after. You think I'd do that to you?!" Haechan was fully arguing with him now but Jaemin had remained silent.
Then why did you let him think that you did it? Why would you put him through this? Are you that desparate to make Jaemin hate you?
Jaemin brushed his palm all over his face. He was dumbfounded. He then plops down on the couch, deliberately thinking about the past few days he spent trying to get you off his head. And he thought he was damn near on succeeding, but the sudden information struck him down again.
And just as the tension was slowly coming down, a sudden intrusion on their room made the four of them look at the door.
"He's here? Na Jaemin!" Jiho burst through the door, passing through the three boys who were too caught in the moment to stop her.
"J-Jiho.." Jaemin stood up again, as Jiho stood in front of him.
"What did you do?!" Jiho was frustrated and angry, to say the least.
"Let's calm down," Renjun, the forever pacifist meekly attempted to delute the situation in hand.
"No! I told you, Jaemin! We told you to stay away from her!" Jiho.
"Are you blaming him? Your friend is a pathological liar who likes to play with peopl--" Jiho angrily turned towards Jeno, making the boy stop his rant.
"You're not part of this." Jiho then looked at Jaemin again.
"We're done, Jiho. I don't want her anymore. I don't want anything to do with her--"
Jiho smirked, "She left, Jaemin. She pulled out of school."
The room filled with silence, and it was so loud. Nobody wanted to say anything, partly because they were waiting for Jaemin to react.
"She-- what?" Jaemin was shocked. His body didn't know how to react. Every bones started to feel loose, it was so eerily quiet that it feels like he can count the seconds it takes for his heart to beat again.
Jiho's tears started to flow. "She was sober for six months, you know? We thought we finally fixed her-- she was doing fine. And then you-- you just had to come in and ruin everything."
"I don't underst--"
"I don't want to blame it all on you, because I know you're also hurt-- but Jaemin we begged you to stay away from her. But you didn't. You--" Jiho sat down, hands on her face, shoulders shaking.
"S-she--" Jaemin couldn't form a sentence.
"Where were you? In the past three days, Jaemin, where were you?" Jiho took a sharp breath, raising her head and looked at Jaemin once again.
"I was at my mom's..." Jaemin answered meekly.
"I found out last Thursday. When you saw us fighting at her apartment, that was when I caught her doing drugs. I was trying to--, fuck, I was trying to throw it away and then she got angry and started to talk about you. I guess she felt that you were by the door and started to talk about you.." Jaemin remembers that clear as day. The day you visibly changed right in front of his eyes.
"She left Sacred Heart last year because of the scandal. It hit her so bad, and that's when it started. She was introduced to drugs and later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Me and Jeonghan knew her from our childhood and we did our best to help her. And then she went out with Jeonghan and that's when our falling apart happened. She broke my brother's heart and I can't even blame her because I know she only did it because she wants everyone to leave her. She thinks she's a burden to everybody. And then Nurse Suh came into the picture and helped her to get free medication, and when she did, eventually her addiction stopped. And then you happened, and for a while she was so happy. But suddenly Nurse Suh cut her off and the medication stopped. That's why she drove you away, Jaemin. You know what she told Jeonghan before she left? She said that you didn't deserve to be with her."
"She can't leave, did you check the apartment?" Denial. Jaemin can't process everything yet. He doesn't want to.
"Her stuff's out of the apartment. We found this," Jiho pulled out a polaroid picture. Jiho reached out to Jaemin, swiftly before letting go of the photo.
"She's a good person, Jaemin. She's just broken. I know you did your best, but we can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. I just hope you don't hate her forever." Jiho then walked away.
Jeno, Haechan and Renjun was silent. They didn't say anything, not to disturb their friend's moment of silence. One by one, the left the room, leaving Jaemin and a photo that had a glimpse of a moment where you were once his.
It was the picture of you and Jaemin. Happily smiling. Upon seeing the photo, Jaemin finally broke down.
At the back, there was something written.
Hi, Jaem. Thank you for the food you've been sending! Although I didn't eat it, I still know that it's delicious!! Remember when we talked about photography? How I love people's smile? Guess what? I think yours is my favorite. So please keep wearing it. You're precious, Jaem. I am so sorry for everything. I hope you get the love that you deserve. Do me a favor and forget me, will you? -y/n :)
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
"Is it on?" Jaemin was a giggling mess, infront of you as you filmed him beside you on your bed, nothing but the sheets.
"It is! Okay, ladies and gents,--"
"This man right here," You booped his nose, "Just gave me a mind blowing orgasm about.. hm, six minutes ago?" Jaemin laughed at the camera, before wiggling his eyebrows at it. "I did, one of my proudest talents."
"Shut up!" you laughed. "Anyways, Mr. Jaemin-ssi. Tell the whole world your age and what you want to be when you grow up!" You giggled, focusing the camera on his bare face. His eyes heavy, smile reaching his eyes.
"22, and yours." He whispered as he looked at your eyes instead of the camera lense.
"What? You barely said anything!"
"I just did what you told me, baby. I told my whole world what my age was and what I wanted to be." Jaemin can see the sudden rush of color on your cheeks. You frowned cutely.
"You're a loser." A tinge of smile you desperately hid made Jaemin laugh. He likes it when you pretend you don't like his corny takes.
Jaemin then grabbed the camera, now turned it to you, also nothing but the sheets and bare face. Jaemin is convinced this is what heaven must look like.
"Now to my pretty interviewer-- aren't you gorgeous?" You jokingly cleared your throat, smiled so big that it could make anyone blind.
"Hi, I'm y/n, Jaemin's pretty interviewer."
"So, my pretty girl. 5 years from now, how do you see yourself?" You were a bit unprepared with Jaemin's question, he sees it the way your smiles faltered a bit.
It took you a minute before you answered, "Better. I hope I can be better so I can take care of this little manchild." You somehow turned it light, grabbing the camera from Jaemin and pointing at him.
"Well, y/n from 5 years from now, I'm glad-- I hope, I'm still there by your side."
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
"Yeri, I've told you a hundred times, she's my mother so you need to treat her with respect!" Jaemin can't help but yell, just as he followed Yeri out of the restaurant.
"She doesn't like me, Jaemin! Gosh your mother is so-, I'm not dealing with her shit anymore, Jaemin!" Yeri yelled back, stomping her feet as she walked toward's Jaemin's car.
Yeri is Jaemin's girlfriend for four months. He went out with her upon his father's request and to his mother's dismay. His father thought Jaemin could finally settle down with a woman after you.
Jaemin can't help but grunt, looking up, frustrated and honestly just tired. Everyday he questions why he's even with Yeri. The girl did nothing but drain his wallet, disrespect his mother and treat him like a trophy boyfriend.
"She's not allowed in our apartment anymore," Yeri said as she settles herself on Jaemin's passenger seat.
"What apartment? It's my apartment and you sleep there, Yeri. And you can't just-- ban my mother from my place!" Jaemin has already forgotten the time where him and Yeri never argued.
"Did you see the way she looked at me? And you're gonna sit there and not defend me?" Jaemin admits that his mother did have a distaste with his girlfriend, but never once did his mother did anything to show that. She is not that kind of person and Jaemin's sure he's not the only one to vouch for that.
"She was trying to make a conversation and you blatantly ignored her, Yeri."
"I didn't like her tone." she rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone as Jaemin drove. He decided not to talk anymore, mostly because he doesn't want to argue anymore.
"What're we doing here?" Yeri saw that he parked outside her apartment complex.
"I need time for myself, Yeri. I can't handle you anymore." He expressed with utmost respect.
"Are you kidding me? You're kicking me out of your place?!" Yeri squealed, almost making Jaemin cover his ears.
"You can disrespect me but not my mom, Yeri."
Yeri smirked, crossed her arms on her chest, and looked at Jaemin. "You're trash, Jaemin. Such a fucking mama's boy. I bet this isn't even about your mother, huh? Still about that bitch who left y--"
"Get out or I'm gonna have to drag you out, Yeri. Please." Thankfully, Yeri did get out, but not walking away before she slams the door, making Jaemin flinch a bit. He makes sure the Yeri actually went in the building before he drove off.
He pulled out his phone, texting his mom. He decided that he'll just go back to the restaurant and apologize for Yeri's behavior. He knew that his mom was hurt, and he can't let the night pass without comforting his mom.
Luckily, the restaurant is near where he was so it took him about ten minutes to go back. Getting out of his car, he wondered if his parents are still there.
Looking further inside the restaurant, he didn't notice someone walking out the door so inevitably, he bumped and collided with a man. He quickly bows, "I'm sorry, man."
"No worries," Jaemin was a bit perplexed on how deep the man's voice is, but shrugged it off anyways.
"Felix!"
Jaemin felt his heart stop a beat. He knows that voice.
"I'm here," The man responded.
Jaemin was frozen on the spot. He was afraid to look behind him and put a face in to the voice he just heard, but he's sure as hell he's not leaving this spot without knowing who it is.
"Excuse me," This time, the woman was much closer to him as she walked pass Jaemin.
His breath hitched, time slows down as he saw the back of her head.
Before she could even take a step further, Jaemin grabbed her wrists, not thinking of anything,-- just the fact that he desparately wanted to see her face.
"Hey!-- What,-- Jaemin?"
There you are.
Jaemin gulped before blinking to see if he was just hallucinating but there you really are. "Y/N," he whispered, more to himself.
"You know him?" The man, who he assumes was Felix, asked, looking at Jaemin's hands on your wrist. It brought Jaemin back to reality, and swiftly let go of your hand.
"Y-yeah," Your cheeks burned, not letting your eyes away from Jaemin. It was like everyone else blurred out, and you two were the only ones in the room.
"You okay, man?" Thats when Jaemin realized that his jaw was actually a bit slacked, staring at you for a solid minute now. He shook his head to look at Felix,
"Yeah. Uh, y/n, how-- how are you?" Jaemin's breathing was starting to get abnormal, as he was really shocked to see you here.
"Good," you cleared your throat, "Great, actually. Uhm, Felix, this is Jaemin," "Jaemin, Felix." The two shook hands, Felix was still visibly confused but Jaemin was still stuck on you.
"Old friend?" Felix asked.
"Is that what she told you?" Jaemin, glancing on you.
"Yes?" Felix was starting to feel uncomfortable, as he had no clue what the heck is happening in front of him. You two looked perplexed and out of it, to say the least.
"I--, We need to go, Felix. Hey, uhm, Jaemin-?" It was obvious you were aghast, just like Jaemin.
Jaemin looked back at you again, "Yeah?"
"I'll see you around?" You uttered.
"Okay." Jaemin said quietly.
The two started to walk away from Jaemin, but Jaemin was left there frozen. In his own thoughts, drowing in memories about you. Everything came crashing back on him and it was overwhelming. After so long, you still had that power over him. You still manage to get his guard down.
This is fucking dangerous. Jaemin shouldn't even feel like this. One look, one word-- and its like his whole being fell again. Is destiny truly fucking with him? He took so long-- months, to get you out his system. Or at least burn it so deep inside his brain along with the memories you have. And for what? All of it being opened like a freshly sewed wound, all because of a three second interaction?
That night, Jaemin went home with a feeling so familiar. Like he wanted to find you again. Just like the first time he saw you at that cafeteria. He wonders if he'll see you again.
Actually, no. He will make sure to see you again.
---
"You can't break up with me,"
Jaemin sighed, he didn't know what else to do. This was the only way Jaemin thought of, specially after his encounter with you. He knew the effect you had on him that night wasn't the innocent 'seeing your friend after long time' type of thing. He knew there's more to it.
"I'm sorry," and he really is. He didn't want to string Yeri along, and doesn't want to give her false hope that this relationship is going somewhere.
"Is this about your stupid mom? Fine, I'll apologize!" The thing with his mom was also a big thing in coming to this decision. Jaemin likes to think that even if he didn't see you that night, this breakup was inevitable. It was coming, sooner or later.
"Don't-- don't call my mother like that, Yeri, please. And no, there's more to it. Please, I want a clean breakup," Jaemin didn't want to elaborate, he didn't want to hurt Yeri even more.
"You can't leave me, Jaemin! We have a party to attend-- I already told them about you! Do you want me to be embarrassed?" Of course. Of course its about the fucking party.
Jaemin was a trophy for Yeri. Handsome and rich, Yeri bragged about having him in her palms. Jaemin never complained about it but it does bother him. And Yeri bringing it up now just showed him how Yeri never really cared about this relationship.
"You can find a new boy toy, somewhere else, Yeri. I'm done." He's not gonna lie, there's still a pang of guilt when he walked away from Yeri. He knew it was unavoidable, yet it with you in the picture again, it does play a huge part.
"A fucking toast for the newly single man! I'm so proud of you for letting that devil reincarnate go!" Haechan was beyond sober, as he welcomed Jaemin who just came a few minutes earlier.
"You really did it, huh?" Renjun smiled, putting his arm around Jaemin's shoulder.
"Yeah, I guess." Jaemin shrugged. Every moment feels important to him. He doesn't have any idea when you'll show up again. So he better not drink even a drop of alcohol, just in case.
"Why the long face?" Jeno was buzzed aswell, completely leaning on the bar couch. Eyes barely open, he's been drinking quite a lot lately.
"Nothing," Jaemin doesn't want to say anything about you and his' encounter, he didn't want to jinx it.
The bar was loud and busy, yet Jaemin was quiet and stuffy. He does feel relieved, breaking up with Yeri was a huge weight off of his shoulder. But he can't get off his mind the words you said.
"I'll see you around?"
Where exactly is around? When will you see him? Is it in the same restaurant? Will you text him to meet? Is that Felix guy your boyfriend?
"You're such a bore, Jaemin. Not even a shot?" Its a mystery how Jeno managed to stand on his feet with how drunk he is but he still did, handing Jaemin a shot, which Jaemin refused.
"Not in the mood,"
"Whatever. Y'know, eversince that gi-"
Before Jeno could even finish, Renjun, which had a little to zero alcohol in his system quickly pulled Jeno down beside him.
"I'll sew your mouth close, Lee. Now sit down and let me fucking find the other Lee." He was referring to Haechan, which also is drunk out of his mind, but still ran into the sea of people on the dancefloor.
"I need a breather," Jaemin decided to go outside the bar, but making sure that Jeno is well situated first before leaving the poor man laying in the couch.
In every other situation, he would've loved to match Jeno's energy and got drunk as much as his best friend, but this time he is truly not in the best condition to do so.
As soon as the bar's door closed behind him, the sudden silence was almost deafening. Which Jaemin wouldn't tell if its much worse than being inside, since he was left with only his thoughts and the street in front of him.
He crossed the road into a nearby convenience store, wanting some water or any drink that could possibly soothe his mind.
"Thank you," He bowed to the cashier, as he paid for the drink in hand.
The store was empty. Just him, the staff, and some random music quietly surrounding the store.
He sat by the stools, contemplating if he should just go home. Phone dead, he disregarded the idea of calling Renjun, who he is sure would prefer to be with him in this quiet convenience store rather than to babysit two grown adults who can't seem to handle their alcohol.
Dropping the phone on the side of the table, Jaemin quietly opened and drank the coca cola he bought. He just now realized that this was his dinner. He forgot to eat. Funny, Jaemin being a big advocate of not skipping a meal, skips a meal.
The dingling sound of the door was heard, Jaemin never bothered to look because again, this is a 7/11. People come and go. A slight set of footsteps was also prominent, seemingly roaming around the store.
"Can I sit here?"
Wide eyes, heart skipping a beat. The music was suddenly gone and everything else blurred out.
"Y-Y/N." He stuttered. He can't swiftly grasp the situation before you sat down the stool beside him.
"Hi." Your hair a bit shorter, cheeks a bit fuller, carrying a shade of pink, your figure covered with a thick coat.
You placed a couple of kimbap in front of you and a coca cola, same as his.
"What are you doing here?" Jaemin, carefully picking his choice of words as to not show any signs of discomfort.
"I was passing by and.. actually, no. I followed you here." For a moment there, you sounded like you wanted to lie, but backtracked and told Jaemin the truth.
"Did you now?" Jaemin remembered when he followed you that one time, and it feels like the tables have turned.
"Yeah, figured we needed to talk." You were timid, can't barely see Jaemin eye to eye. From his memories, you were always confident with what you say. So seeing this demeanor in front of him was a change.
"How are you?" Jaemin asked, genuinely curious.
"Never been better," You answered back, with a full chest and a heave of deep breath like you were relieved.
"I'm glad," Every last word was quickly followed by a complete silence.
After a few moments of deep thought, Jaemin wasn't sure what to say. Yes, before you showed up, questions was flooding in his brain. Asking for answers on why you left, why'd you lie and most importantly, why did you break him for no reason.
Jaemin's thoughts mustve been loud, hence the next dentence that came out of your lips.
"I'm guessing you have questions?"
Maybe Jaemin should've had a few shots before, to ease the tension and gain liquid courage, because fuck, he doesn't think he can handle this tonight.
But for the months you were gone, Jaemin isn't gonna pass this rare chance that you showed up, much more, showing up to talk to him properly.
"Why'd you leave?" Three words that circulated Jaemin's mind on those months you were gone. A question he asked himself a lot of times.
You were still for a bit, likely thinking about the answer. Jaemin could explode at any moment, he feels.
"I signed myself up for rehabilitation."
This wasn't the answer Jaemin expected. Its somehow a blow, to him, because he was angry at you for flaking on him for no reason. But now that you answered one of the many questions he had, it made Jaemin regret some of the things he had thought of about you. His guilt crept in.
"I-, I didn't know."
"Only a few knew about that. You were one of the unlucky ones to have suffered from it, so I thought you needed atleast an explanation." You smiled bitterly, still looking outside, whilst Jaemin looked at your side profile.
You continued. "I assume Jiho had filled you up with some of my dilemmas after I left. But trust me, Jaemin. I never intended to hurt you. You're so undeserving of the things I did but I had to make you hate me. I knew you cared for me back then, more than I had anticipated and I never really wanted to give myself that. I knew I can't receive love I didn't deserve. And I can feel it too, Jaem.." you paused.
Jaem. Oh how he missed the way you called him that.
".. I can feel that you really wanted to fix me. And you truly tried your best. But back then I didn't want to be fixed. And its unfair to have you selfishly. I never slept with your friend, I just made you believe that. I wanted you to despise me, to never think about me ever again." Well, you failed on that part, big time.
"Just hoped you gave me a chance to take care of you," Jaemin muttered.
"I'm not that evil to give you a burden like that,"
"You were never a burden to me,"
You let out a humourless grin, "I'd like to believe that, but we both know that's not true. For as long as I remember, I had been apologizing for just.. existing."
"I could've been there, y/n. I could've helped you."
"No, Jaemin. I don't think so, cuz even then, I couldn't even help myself." You spoke with great sincerity.
Another cruel moment of silence passed, and it was the most intense yet. None of you spoke, as if your thoughts were connected and understood each other without even saying a word.
"You really fucked me up, you know." It was now or never for Jaemin. Might as well open the can of worms now, and regret everything later. He might not have the same courage and opportunity as now.
"I did. And I'm so.. so sorry."
"But it's fine, y/n. I was young and naive, I guess I needed that. I already forgave you, fuck it, I don't even need to because I never truly hated you. All I did was love you, and even after you broke me, I still did." Looking into the distance, after so many failed attempts, he finally said it out loud. He was ready to risk it all, again.
"And I knew that, Jaemin. And maybe, I did love you too but back then I didn't know what love is. It was so scary and overwhelming that even from a distance, I already despised that kind of feeling."
"Are you... happy?" Jaemin thought about the man you were with. And at this moment, your answer was crucial, as it was a defining moment of what step or path he should go next.
"Yes. Are you?" Looking at him, you saw his eyes fill with unspoken comprehension of what its like to be happy and sad at the same time.
Happy that you're doing great, sad because he had just accepted the fact that you're much better with somebody else.
"I have no idea." And that was the truth. He wasn't sure if theres a word that could describe how he feels.
"Yeri, right? I heard from someone that you're with her. She seems great," Oh, what a great timing.
"We broke up already."
You widen your eyes and smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry,"
"No, its okay. It wasn't working anyways. It was bound to happen sooner or later. You and Felix?"
"He's a great friend. He helped me with sobriety and therapy." Friend? Is that so?
"I thought you were dating," Jaemin liked the way this is going, it gave him hope.
"No, not really, never had anyone after you."
Is Jaemin supposed to be proud? Nonetheless, he felt a slight flutter in his chest. He was about to make a decision that will ultimately trash the imaginary walls he tried to build.
"Have.. have you thought about what we could've been?" Oh, what a risky question.
"Yeah, even back then, I always dreamed about an alternate universe where I wasn't so fucked up and actually tried something with you." Okay. You seem fine now, you seem on track. It wouldn't hurt to try again, right? Jaemin wanted to slap himself. Do he really want to risk it again?
"You could still.. try." The answer is yes.
You furrowed your brows, tilted your head a bit, "I don't think you deserve another heartbreak, specially from me, you know?" You chuckled, yet Jaemin was serious. This time, he's set to have you. He has to have you.
"I'll gladly let you break my heart again, y/n. Trust me, you'll only find yourself inside."
.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.
Maybe Jaemin was setting himself up for another heartbreak, but this time he was certain. He was certain to give it his all-- everything he has to lose. You were worth every piece of his heart.
He kissed your lips like he held his entire life on it, like every moment were his last. Running your hands on his hair, you two blindly roamed around your apartment. Luckily, Jaemin still had the entire apartment sketched in his brain.
You felt his hands lower, lifting up your ass, signaling you to jump and cling onto him. You gladly did, and like a feather, he lifted you without any struggle. Lips still tangled together, Jaemin lowered you into the soft texture of your bed.
"I missed you so much," Jaemin groaned as he parted his lips from you. Seeing your face against the dimly lit room was majestic. Not long before he lowered his face onto your neck, giving it open mouth kisses that sent shivers down your spine.
Slowly, he tugged on your shirt upwards, lifted it and revealed your soft pink laced bra, covering your breast. Jaemin didn't waste time grabbed one of you breast, caressing it gently, just enough to bring you pleasure without discomfort.
"Hmm, I missed this," He groaned again.
You whined, being sensitive to every touch he gave you. His hands worked like magic, pulling down your bra and swiftly latching his mouth on your left nipple, while still caressing the other. "Ah, fuck.. baby." you moaned.
You can feel your core dripping already, desperate for any kind of friction. His expert hands left your boob, yet not leaving your skin, just lowering to the area you were sensitive the most. In a split second, your pants was undone and a cold breeze on your center gave you goosebumps all over. "So wet for me,"
"Yes.. yes, please, touch me." You begged for him. You needed him.
"You don't need to beg, princess." Just then, his middle finger applied pressure on your dripping core, igniting a spark that felt so good-- you couldn't help but buck your hips onto his hands.
He was gonna love you, and you were gonna love him. Tomorrow's uncertain, but today was sure. You were meant to be his, and he's meant to be yours.
Let your heart get what it wants. If you get hurt, then you have to endure. Jaemin endured the entire time and its your time to gamble.
While Jaemin was still devouring every inch of your skin, you took this chance to touch his clothed member- already rock hard, seeking freedom from the confinement of his pants. You traced it before gripping it through the fabric, making Jaemin hiss in pleasure.
"Take.. it off." Barely composing a sentence, Jaemin understood the assignment and pulled away, to undress himself. His top came off first, and just like a reflex, your hands quickly find his toned chest, down to his abs. You can't help but bite your lip, seeing his body again after so long. The only difference is, this time, he has a more mature build.
Tracing your hand down to his lower abdomen, and even much lower, and helped him undo his pants. As he disregarded all of his clothes, he didn't waste time and quickly lowered himself again to you. Kissing you with burning passion, he grind his hips onto yours, and you felt his hard length poking your thigh.
Using your hand, you grabbed it by the base, Jaemin reacting so sensitive made you excited. Your hands doing up and down motion, pointing finger tracing the slit on his pinkish tip.
"Fuck.. fuck baby, god." Jaemin couldn't help but groan deeply, urging you to move faster. Your movement all of a sudden halt, as Jaemin held your wrist, stopping you. "I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that." His dark voice whispered.
"Already?" You smirked at him.
"You underestimate your effect on me, baby." Truly, you were the only person who could melt Jaemin into a puddle if you wanted to.
His hand balancing himself on top of you, as the other held his cock, lining himself onto your entrance.
"Ah.. ah, shit," You moaned, caused by the stretch. A slight tinge of pain but quickly replaced by a wave of intense pleasure as he deeply plunges until you take all of him.
"So.. so fucking tight, oh fuck." Jaemin waited for your signal to keep moving. Which you did, by lifting your hips up to create any sort of movement. He swiftly pull out, just to go in again.
"I love you," Jaemin cried from pleasure, his tempo slowly gaining speed.
"I love you so much," you replied, grabbing his face to look at you as he fucks you with intense affection.
"Y/n, y/n.. I love you." He repeated like a mantra, going in and out repeatedly. You can feel your insides creating a bubble-- soon going to pop. He examines all of your features, "Cum for me." He murmured.
You nodded in response, biting your lip, yet not losing eye contact. A sudden wave of pleasure struck, and before you knew it, you're shaking under him. "I.. I love you."
"I'm cumming, shi..." You locked your legs on his waist, as he stilled so deep, reaching levels of your insides no one has ever reachex before. He cums, deep inside you and you felt his warm, thick ropes of cum paint your insides. His body collapses on top of you, heavy breathing surrounded the apartment.
Honestly, Jaemin didn't care if you hurt him again, Heck, break him again and again. Run away if you can, but he would make sure that he'll be here, always waiting for you. Break his heart for all he cares. You'll only find yourself there.
"Let's go, baby. They can't wait to meet you." Jaemin smiled at you softly, opening the car door before letting you in.
"I really get the feeling that they hate me." You nervously said, as Jaemin went around the car and sat at the driver seat.
"They actually did, back then. But now they're a lot less dumber." You laughed at him.
This was the first time Jaemin will introduce you to his friends. Even tho you knew that they already know you from the past, you wanted to introduce your new self. The self thats much better.
As you arrived at their shared apartment, you can already hear the noise behind the door. You looked at Jaemin with anticipation, as he opened the door.
"There she is! Hi, y/n!" Haechan, which you have encountered before, greeted you with a big smile. He was approaching with wide arms, which Jaemin quickly swats away.
"No." Jaemin simply says as he put his arms around you and dragged you further in the house.
There, you saw Jeno and Renjun playing Jenga. As soon as you sat down, the tower had fallen. Renjun frowning, Jeno with a big smile.
"Oh hi, y/n. Renjun just lost in Jenga, again." The cocky grin was present in Jeno's face.
"That doesn't count! We should play again, this time with y/n!"
You were quiet, but not because you were uncomfortable, but because you were slowly digesting everything. You felt so belonged with these people that its felt a bit weird, in a good way.
You smiled at them, looking back at Jaemin who's walking towards you with a drink in hand. "Thirsty, baby?" His smile was enchanting, and so, so gorgeous.
The time goes on and it all felt natural. It was the first time you saw Jaemin laugh that much, and it made you happier than ever. Then and there, you have concluded that you will never hurt this man again. This time, you'll try to make this work, because you knew he was the only one for you.
And even if the gods and the heaven above curse you for loving selfishly, you wouldn't care. Jaemin is the perfect man for you. And you can't let that smile fade again.
"What're you thinking?" Jaemin whispered, above all the noise from his friends.
"I love you."
And if you thought Jaemin's smile couldn't get any bigger, it did.
"I love you." He answered.
This time, you'll get your happy ending. You choose your happiness and Jaemin. Forever, you will choose Jaemin. Because you realize that after everything, even fiction itself, got nothing on this man.
-end-
A/N: I know it took so long to publish but again, I'm a bit busy! But how was it?? I hope you liked the first installation of my series, diary of the heart breakers! Thank you so much.
taglist: @cutiepeas @legbouk@hyuckissed @bockhyun @hibernatinghamster@shookyungsoo@sundamariis@sharkipoonis@ohmykwonsoonyoung@carelessshootanonymous
next part >> Inevitably Yours
#nct imagines#kpop imagines#nct x reader#kpop oneshots#nct#nct dream#kpop au#nct 127#nct aus#na jaemin#jaemin smut#nct jaemin#nctzen#nct mark#nct drabbles#nct fluff#lee haechan#huang renjun#lee jeno
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summer went away, still the yearning stays.
kaz brekker x grisha.
genre - slight angst, fluff.
summary - Three years ago you were taken away from Kaz to Ravka to train as a Grisha, now you found your way back to him and he was your again, Kaz Rietveld was yours again.
word count - 2.3k
a/n : hi wow writing after a long time !! also the summary of this sucks lowkey but we roll <33 please reblog/comment it makes my day <33
leave reqs here !! (no promises tho)
The little palace never felt like home. Something about being considered superior and the ongoing talks about how being a grisha was a gift by the saints, one meant to be cherished made you irritated. Being a grisha was what took your real life away, took you away from a person you cared for the most, Kaz brekker.
Kaz brekker was known by many names be it the bastard of the barrel or dirtyhands but you never knew him as those, to you he simply was Kaz Rietveld, to you he would always be the boy who was caring and smart and broken. Life hadn't been kind to him and it probably still wasn't.
When you both were fourteen and were roaming around the streets of Ketterdam without a care in the world on your part, some grisha came and took both of you to be tested, Kaz wasn't one but you turned out to be, and then without a choice you were taken away from him to the little palace. You wished you had put up more of a fight, maybe even tried using whatever powers you had to free yourself, maybe then you'd still be in Ketterdam with the one you wanted.
But deep down you knew however hard you would've tried you wouldn't have been to run away. You missed everything about your old life even if it wasn't the most safe and comfortable, even if you weren't guaranteed a meal everyday, even if it meant living on the edge everyday cause it meant you could be with him.
You were now seventeen and you felt like you knew nothing except the fact that you missed him. And now you were amidst a war for a country you weren't sure you cared for but you still helped of course, you battled for Genya to receive her justice, you battled for the people who lost their lives due to General Kirigan being an abomination to the society and using people as pawns in his own twisted game.
"Zoya let me come with you to Shu Han." You spoke with eagerness in your voice.
Ever since knowing about the plan to hire the crows to retrieve the Neshyenyer from Shu Han you've been on your toes. This could be the one chance to see him before you possibly died. You weren't going to give up on that.
"Tolya is coming with me I've already told you this once before." Zoya said, Her voice was dripping with sternness, she didn't want any further arguments, "besides why do you even want to come with me?"
You glared at the woman in front of you, it felt as if the fire that normally blazed through your fingers was now in your eyes, "you know why." You said, your voice cold, your jaw clenched.
Zoya studied you, she saw the way your hands were in a tight fist and how your lips were in a thin line. She noticed the slight hitch in your breath and the way your eyebrows were scrunched, then she met your eyes. Your eyes were filled with a fire she had only seen once before when you had found out General Kirigan's reality.
"Fine. You can come with me," She said tilting her head slightly, "don't make me regret this." A smirk rested on Zoya's face.
"I won't. Thank you." You said and gave her a nod, going away to get ready for your travels to Ketterdam and then Shu Han.
Ketterdam. You had so many feelings about Ketterdam that it overwhelmed you. Was Ketterdam your home? Maybe it was cause he was there. Or was it your enemy, the place which broke and bruised you, which made you feel as if someone took a dagger and slowly ran it through your body, just enough to sting forever. Was it a place that placed an irreplaceable hurt in you or was it a place you longed to be in cause he was there. Sometimes you found yourself missing Ketterdam, or maybe you just missed Kaz. After all, it's always the people who make a place feel like home, a safe haven.
-
The whole ride to Ketterdam to you was completely utterly anxious. Your fingernails dug deep into your fist, your bottom lip so chewed out that you could now taste blood in your mouth. You had to remind yourself to breathe and your heart to beat. One of your hands reached the necklace that laid against your chest, your fingers softly gripping its pendant— a heart, engraved with flowers around the corners and a capital R in the middle. You had remembered the day Kaz had given it to you, it was your fourteenth birthday. He had nicked it from a pawn shop and hoped you'd like it. You remembered it as clear as day how he gave it to you, it was a memory that brought you peace, taught your heart how to beat again. You closed your eyes, releasing the tight grip of your fist and freeing your lips from your teeth. Taking a deep breath you lost yourself in the memory.
"hey," Kaz called out to you, your name leaving his lips, "come in"
You followed Kaz into his room and sat on the chair of his study, he opened his cupboard and removed a small circular velvet box. Your eyes curiously followed the box and him as he sat on the bed opposite to your chair, his hand still holding the box. You looked at him and slightly raised your eyebrows.
"happy birthday" he said, holding out the box for you to take. His voice seemed almost emotionless, like always, but this time you could hear the slightest quiver in it. Was Kaz Brekker nervous?
Your face adorned a smile, "is this for me?" You asked him, your voice slightly teasing.
"yes." He spoke, motioning you to take the box.
You took the box from him gingerly, a small thank you leaving your lips as you gave him a big smile, your finger ran along the edges of the box feeling the soft velvet and then you opened it. A soft gasp of surprise leaving your mouth as you removed the necklace out of the box, "Kaz! This is so precious" you said, an even wider smile now covered your face, the one where he could see your teeth, "thank you so much." You spoke earnestly.
"I'm glad you like it." Kaz spoke, the tiniest of smiles on his face.
You studied the pendant, your finger dragging along the pink flowers carved along the heart's edges, you smiled at the 'R' in the middle of the heart, "There's a 'R' in the centre of the heart" you said, your eyes meeting his, your eyebrows raised slightly as if questioning him.
Kaz remained silent, you felt as if you said something wrong, maybe you shouldn't have pointed it out, maybe it was accidental. But then Kaz said, "This way, there's always a piece of the real me with you." of course it wasn't accidental, kaz brekker is a mastermind, everything he does will always have a meaning.
"Thank you," you said, putting the necklace on, "I love it"
He merely gave you a nod and you left his room.
-
"Let me do the talking." Zoya said, her eyes on your face as you stepped into the crow club, you hummed a noise of approval your eyes desperately searching the dim lit room which reeked of alcohol, a smoky haze covered the room. Someone approached Zoya, you didn't know who he was nor you cared cause it wasn't him.
You soon got lost in your thoughts again, kaz often had that effect on you. You couldn't stop thinking about how he would react to seeing you, would he even acknowledge you? Would he show the slightest reaction? You weren't sure. Soon, Zoya grabbed your arm and tugged on it, "Let's go? I've been calling your name." Her voice had its usual sternness.
"Yeah, right, sorry." You spoke softly, your face held a look of melancholy, Zoya noticed it and her eyes softened, she placed her hands on yours gingerly and gave it a gentle squeeze, "it'll be okay" she said softly, offering you a small smile. You gave her a warm smile and a nod as you both walked towards a hall led by someone.
"Boss will meet you here", the man said as he opened the door to a room which looked like a study, you walked in and Zoya took a seat on the wooden chair kept opposite the table. You walked along the room, your eyes taking in every single corner of the room. You saw the painting hung up on the wall, scrolls of paper neatly placed on the side table, a black wool coat hung on the coat rack. Your breath hitched slightly, "was it his?," You thought, your hand reaching out to touch it, your hand grazed along the soft wool and then you heard the door open. You turned around and your eyes widened a little, your mouth slightly open, a breath left your mouth and your eyes met his striking blue ones. You felt as if time had stopped, you could feel your heart beating fast, so fast that you could feel it in your throat. "Kaz" you said, your voice barely a whisper.
Kaz's eyes widened a little, you could see his grip tighten on his cane, you gave him a little smile, he had to remember you. How could he not?
Zoya's sharp voice suddenly cut the thick tension that settled in the air, "Kaz Brekker, Ravka seeks your help." Her hand holding a letter out to him. A scowl covered Kaz's face, he snatched the letter off Zoya's hand, "We aren't patriots," he said grimly, his eyes meeting Zoya's.
"The money isn't the matter, the king will give you your price" She said with certainty.
Kaz hummed in response, his eyes reading the letter and then it met yours again. Oh those eyes, how you had longed to see them, Kaz's brown eyes were something you'd never forget. You couldn't even if you had tried. His eyes were the shade of brown you saw everyday in your morning coffee, you saw his eyes in the dark leather bound books, you saw his eyes in pieces of dark chocolate. For you he was everywhere- he was in the game of cards you saw younger Grisha playing, he was in the snarky remarks passed around, but more importantly, he was always in your heart.
"Leave." he said now looking at Zoya, "we will discuss about this in a moment." His voice sounded bitter.
Zoya hesitated, her eyes followed yours and she gave you a nod, "Fine, but just a moment", she uttered, leaving and slamming the door shut.
"Kaz," You called out, this time louder. Your voice held desperation in it, it was soft yet tense- you wanted to hold him, you wanted to touch him and try to make up the lost time, you took a step closer to him, "i missed you" you said, your hand fiddling with your necklace.
Kaz's eyes followed your hand, he was surprised to find out you still had the necklace with you, "Three years." he spoke, his voice softer now, "it's been three fucking years." you could see his walls slowly breaking down, his eyes becoming softer, the grip on his cane becoming weaker. "I wondered if you had died", his voice quivered slightly, his eyes glossier.
Another step forward, "How could i die without seeing you?", you said, humor in your voice, "Kaz, are you okay? is everything okay?" you asked, your face held a look of melancholy, your lips pursed.
"You look different," Kaz said, ignoring your question, "you look beautiful." he said slowly, a small smile playing on his lips.
you could feel the tears in your eyes, you smiled at him, a soft giggle left your lips, "Thank you, but that still doesn't answer my question, are you okay?"
"I missed your laugh" he said, "i missed you." This time Kaz took a step towards you, his gloved hands tensed a little. "You still have the necklace." he remarked.
You nodded, "how could i not carry a piece of the real you with me always?"
Kaz looked down, his hand tracing patterns on his cane, "I hated being away from you" he admitted, "i-" he took a breath, his eyes meeting yours, the look on his face made you want to cry, you could feel your eyes filling up with tears again, "I needed you" he said, your name leaving his lips, another breath in, "I wanted you".
You tilted your head slightly, your hands wiping the few tears on your cheek, "I am sorry,"
"It wasn't your fault." he said quickly.
"You have me now, if you still want me." you said, your voice slow, "after this, this war is over I'll stay here in Ketterdam, if you want me too"
Kaz's face looked like that of a young boy again, he was changed in the way he was now, he was dirtyhands, the bastard of the barrel, he was someone people feared- but right now, in this moment, he was Kaz Rietveld again.
"I will always want you." He said slowly, his hand reached out for yours, it tensed a little.
"Kaz you don't have too-"
"I want you to stay." He said, his hand relaxing in yours, "i want you." He gently squeezed your hand.
"Then you'll have me" you said smiling, "you will have me Kaz Rietveld."
#kaz brekker x reader#kaz brekker#kaz brekker x reader fluff#kaz brekker x reader angst#kaz brekker x fem!reader#kaz brekker angst#kaz brekker fluff#kaz brekker x y/n#kaz brekker x you
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Friends in the Crucible
MOTA PACIFIC THEATRE || FLIGHT SURGERY AU
1: Welcome to Hell Island
Requested by the sweet @forsythiagalt
AU NOTE: due to a long-standing crush on real life heroine Ensign Jane Kendeigh and her work on Iwo Jima, the current ongoing anniversary of the battle and a hope to not step on the toes of any existing Nurse!xBuck pairings -I’ve gone with what excited my imagination the most and created an entire Pacific AU with our MOTA boys. If this AU ends up being as interesting and stimulating to y’all as it was for me in writing it, I’d be terribly down for exploring more scenarios with everyone in their new and varied roles.
Main paring: Gale Cleven and OC Flight Nurse Ensign Maureen Kendeigh…cameos by “Doc” Egan, John Brady, Ken Lemmons, Harry Crosby and Benny Demarco…and maybe a nod to a certain Marine Captain named “Andy” who I refused to let die, even though he was never on this island. You neither need to have seen HBO’s Pacific or know about the history for this to make sense, in fact it might help my ignorant writing go down better without it 😏
Warnings: WAR?! Graphic descriptions of wounds, battlefields, gore, foul language, period typical language: use of the word “Jap” and a joking insult of “fish eater” for a Catholic. Hints that John Egan is a terror to his nurses, Cleven having to take his pants off for a wound to be examined, brief mentions and emphasis on his never having been touched by a woman intimately, a nurse positioning a man’s member out of the way to his surprise, strictly professional tho. No joke, really. But they’re having a bit of a moment.
Only proof read once. So many thanks to Bee, Christi and Ashley who all enabled me into going this rogue with a simple request and for giving edits and assurances. Hope y’all enjoy!
There were a whole lotta jolts in the descent. Of course there were. Why, there were jolts and bumps even coming down to the runway at Pearl or San Diego, and there had been far more than jolts on the training tarmacs in Kentucky. She had been in enough planes, experienced enough banging about, and had enough wheels up landings that Maureen felt somewhat entitled to her opinion on the necessity of jolts or none.
So far, Major Gale Cleven had piloted this monstrous tin can like a limo, smooth, steady and with full warning for each bank and turn. Maureen had not even had to catch a single falling bottle so far and the rows of empty bunks lining each side of the plane had hardly rattled except in the same low humming frequency of the ever thrumming engine.
But now there were jolts. And of course there were, they were flying straight into a warzone. Cleven had gotten them to Iwo Jima two hours ago, and since that time he’d been circling the island in a wide arc, casually waiting for a pesky air battle between fighters to calm down enough for him to land. Sure, the beaches had been wiped clean and a landing strip had been carved out of volcanic ash and marine corps blood -cleared for their use. But still, there were Jap bunkers, Jap planes, Japs themselves and Jap equipment in that smoldering mountain and so far, no word had come down definitely as to when the island might be considered secure.
It was all very historic, Maureen has been assured -allowing a woman into a combat zone. First time ever, so they kept erroneously insisting. That’s why there was a man armed with a camera and not plasma sitting a few lines down from her on the cold metal bench. Maureen had once had plenty of time to ponder the historicity of her mission and that of her fellow nurses back in Guam, right now she wished she could focus solely on her training and ignore the ominous crack-pop of something hazardous in the air and the resulting wobble of Major Cleven’s steering.
Stupidly she wished the Major’s low voice would come back on through the near radio system and soothe them all back down like frightened livestock. Gale Cleven had a way of managing that even with his face obscured, and while it made Maureen blush to admit she needed any calming, the facts were she was 24 years old, practically untried and desperate to be brave enough to be of use. Rattling on the bench seat between equally nervous girls and a hawk-eyed journalist was no match for the cuticle picking anxiety.
Maureen chose to forcefully look up from said bloody cuticles and was met by Major Egan’s gum smacking grin across from her. How many carriers had he been on when they went down? Kamikaze planes jutting out the side of them, ocean water pouring in, sharks abounding and hundreds of patients under his care, in his charge to tow to shore?
Mild, scattered, poor-man’s flack wasn’t remotely disturbing to their flight surgeon. “He’s great, isn’t he?” Egan yelled to her cheerfully, the jerk of his head suggested his praise was directed towards someone in the cockpit.
Maureen knew well enough that much as Egan respected the co-pilot Demarco, it was no match for the love affair between him and Cleven, an appreciation that had Egan’s special request yanking his friend from Air Force to Navy to Transit. Such a series of bounces in a man’s otherwise distinguished career, all to chauffeur one charmingly entitled flight surgeon, was enough to put anyone into a bad mood -it would explain Major Cleven’s initial coolness on meeting them all at the departure tarmac.
Or maybe he was just businesslike. Maureen couldn’t fault anyone for that. He had been prepped, perhaps not as much as she had, but he didn’t act entitled in any way, and he kept the plane steady. Except for this mounting series of jolts.
“Yes,” she had chosen to holler back to Doctor -Lieutenant Commander? Bucky No Shits? Johnny? Doc “Smirky”?- Egan, knowing he’d want a favorable report on his friend, “it’s been remarkably smooth.”
Maureen was glad truth aligned with diplomacy in this instant. Although if any man could handle the outright truth it was John Egan, no matter what they all said. And “they” said a lot, he had once had two marine squadrons under his care and to them he was a Marine, simultaneously he’d had three navy squadrons to take care of and to them he was a Navy man. He’d even switched uniforms thrice in a day before. And now he was being flown about by his best friend to tend carcasses on a foreign strand, oddly suited to terrible conditions and bad scenarios, offering medical aviation expertise and poorly timed jokes wherever he went.
He’d trained her group of specialized Evacuation Flight Nurses the last three weeks of aquatic conditioning in the states, and he’d culled eighteen out of the group for getting winded after towing full grown men seven laps in the San Diego surf -all while puffing on a cigarette himself, seated with sunglasses on in an motorized dinghy. Maureen had come to hate him that day, and every day after she’d come to want to be like him. Kathleen Martin got her wings pinned first and Maureen right after, “well done, Candy!” Egan had praised while his fist drove in the tack.
“It’s Kendeigh, sir.” Maureen had dared correct for the hundredth time that training week, “Pronounced like: Ken-Day.”
“Cand-ay. Got it!” he repeated with jovial affirmation and that was that.
Major Cleven had given her the respect of calling her ‘Ensign’ as he shook her hand, a quick and firm squeeze and on to her next companion, she’d have judged him as too pristine in everything from mannerisms to features were his war record not ample justification for his bearing. The low cadence of his voice over the coms came in as a slight pitch to the plane and a swoop of decline in altitude became apparent under her—
“All personnel prepare for landing.”
Cleven was nothing like those pilots during training, barking orders laced with frantic warning in their voices. It was a cow pasture back in Kentucky and there they’d had no good reason for alarm. Here where there was real reason, Gale Cleven crooned to them and John Egan smiled opposite her as he took in the effect his chosen pilot had on his nurses.
“Like soothin’ a baby,” Egan sighed as he lounged a little deeper on his bench, long legs deceptively braced for impact, Maureen had long ago learned the man was nothing but smoke and mirrors of his actual intentions, “isn’t he great? In danger of fallin’ asleep with that guy at the wheel.”
To emphasize his point -or more likely to distract “his girls” from the imminent prospect of landing on a battleground, Egan leaned back all the way and tipped his cover over his eyes, pretending to fall asleep. Maureen caught him as he cocked one sharp eye open to see if she was still watching. She gave him a hopeless smile of recognition of his disguised kindness before forcefully suppressing a gasp of shock as the plane hit Amtrak smoothed gravel and ground its way down the beach. Egan hadn't budged by the time the momentum ceased and the plane became bizarrely still after hours of vibrating travel.
“Right. That’s us.” He straightened up, his cover and his posture, rising up in his seat and slapping at the metal ceiling of the plane, “Good job Buck.” he hollered and got no reply. “He’s still crabby about flying a C-47.” he divulged to no one in particular as they all rose and prepared to disembark, drilled for ages in this routine and finally let loose to practice it. Egan’s nonchalance was almost disorienting for such a momentous occasion.
The large cargo door was opened and a irreverently pleasant tropical breeze funneled through the plane, bearing with it the sounds of crashing waves and popping, far off gunnery. There was also a smell that came with it, sulfur and sweet. It was sickening from the first, and Maureen dreadedly wondered if it was from volcanic fumes and rotting vegetation or something more heartbreaking. With her kit on her back she followed her companions out the cargo door, finding Major Cleven blank faced and unphased on the tarmac beside it. Nothing but a smidge of sweat around his hairline to suggest the hours of flight he’d just clocked and the wacky landing he’d managed so well.
“Welcome to hell island, ladies.” he greeted in a droll monotone and Maureen’s gait stiffened without her permission.
There was no true tarmac, as they had been warned, just a strip of cleared back sand churned up by Cleven’s wheels. Lapping waves were on the left side and then a field of sheets to the right. It was the oddest sight. Rows and rows of camo tarp and white sheets blotted pink, hardly a spot of sand to be seen between. They’d been warned it was havoc here, the situation so bad that they’d finally allowed for this exception, allowed the sending in of specialized units to evacuate by air as the boats could hardly ferry enough of the wounded out in time to save them. But this -this beach of corpses was so daunting a task it seemed impossible to choose where to start.
“John,” she heard Major Cleven address Lieutenant Commander Egan as he dropped down beside her, “you’ve only got so many births, do what ya need to do to fill them, but I’ve got my orders. You’re not settin’ up a hospital. When we get the supplies off, get this plane full -we’re takin’ off. Full stop. I’m not gonna have us here like sittin’ ducks for the mortars while you fuss.”
“I hear ya.” Egan assured him in that remarkably unassuring way of his and lit a cigarette. “Alright nurses, gather round.”
Triage was crucial for such a mission, the prioritizing of wounds and necessary services essential for prolonging the lives of those in imminent peril, versus those with the likelihood of surviving on only the essentials found in a corpsman or medic’s arsenal. They’d be back tomorrow with another flight, and the day after that. Cleven was right that they weren’t here to establish a hospital, yet still the idea of how many would perish from being left behind, even by this first flight, was a sickening probability Maureen has been trained to ignore.
“Where are all the corpsmen?” Egan asked one pharmacist's mate who came to greet them, picking his way through the rows of groaning men. The boy couldn’t have been a day over seventeen.
“Up there,” the kid had nodded up to Mount Suribachi and its ominous veil of smoke, “or dead. Lost so many in the first week they started sending us in to substitute. We’ve done what we can. Sure glad to see you guys.”
“What’s your name, boy?”
“Lemons, sir.”
“Hell I can’t call someone a lemon, now can I?” Egan’s grin was infectious and the boy grinned back like he was seeing his first friend in ages.
“Then it’s Kenny. Sir.”
“Yeah alright Kenny, let’s get to it.” Egan had drilled you all so thoroughly you could have performed even without the aid of the grounded pharmacists and their mates, yet still it was odd to see such a mass of wounded and so few to tend them. The desperation and chaos was tangible.
Maureen had barely set off out from under the plane wing when Gale Cleven’s brusque reprimand arrested her steps as forcefully as a tug to her flight suit would have, “That bunch don’t need your help.”
The terse judgment in his tone gave her sharper eyes to notice that the particular section she was headed towards all had sheets pulled over their faces. Her own face blanched at both the misstep and the sensory overload of so much sorting to do. She wasn’t going to feel sorry for herself, not here, not when faced with the easy part of all this, and she wasn’t going to be crippled by criticism while enduring her first trial by fire. “Right, thank you, Major.” she agreed with him as stoically as possible and ground her heel back around on the sand and tromped off towards the direction of sheets that were visibly alive and writhing in misery.
That changed as soon as they saw her girlish form walking amongst them. Sounds of dying anguish changed to cheerful wolf whistles and happy greetings. It made Maureen’s heart swell with pride at the unbreakable spirit in each of them.
She spent the next hour and a half amongst those men.
Gruesome was a word that Maureen swore to herself that she would never use lightly again. She wasn’t one given to hyperbole anyway, and her years apprenticing in the hospital in Manilla and her most recent training for exactly such wounds as these, understandably led her to believe she knew the mettle of such a word.
But no.
Gruesome, she decided as she began her task again and again, applied only to this: the way the tiniest slip of her hand on any part of this poor boy took skin with it, charred and soupy flesh squishing off meat and sinew like the flaky crust on a prime bit of brisket. It was the only comparison fitting. His own flamethrower had bitten him as he tried to take a countless next pillbox. He’d said it like a joke even as his teeth chattered too hard from pain to deliver the punchline.
Maureen wasn’t here to contemplate ironies, or the unfairness of war, she was here to find some intact vein through which to stab her needle and begin giving him back the blood that was slowly leaching into the black sand beneath him. Ensign Smith was holding up the bottle, throwing a shadow over his charred form that helped Maureen discern a bit better, giving the boy a kind word or ten of reassurance about home and pain relief. Maureen bit through her own tongue when she finally slid the needle home, deep and pulpy, she could only pray it would hold the blood they gave back.
“Alright, bandages, Smith.” Maureen decided and did her best not to jump as a mortar thumped on the sand, hundreds of yards away, but still, they were getting ever closer, proving Major Cleven’s grim prognostication to not be unfounded. He was confirmed that the Japanese didn’t give two shits about red crosses, much less cargo planes carrying in supplies and taking away wounded. Maureen tried not to dwell on it as she and Smith began cutting away filthy uniforms and wrapping their patients' flesh in the Vaseline soaked bandages. It was a terrible business for the first few minutes before the interlaced numbing agents in the gauze took affect and made their care something less like torture for the poor men.
Some of them could walk, a missing leg being a mild injury comparatively, they just needed the helpful shoulder of a technician and off they went to amble into Cleven’s plane. There the Major met them despite it being beyond his purview, handing out cigarettes even though he himself abstained and kept an eye on the Navy mechanic refueling his plane from a bullet riddled jeep. When he wasn’t doing that he was scanning the sky, aviators turned up and reflecting a cloudless sky. Maureen’s mouth grew chalky at the thought of what he was looking out for.
Once wrapped and tended, the men were ready to be hoisted on stretchers and taken to the plane. But those men were select ones, ones that Egan had decided upon. He had a particularly odd way of triaging, one that upon initial observation appeared rather callous and aloof to his nurses who had been trained as much in medical practice as in solicitous decorum.
Doc Egan moseyed through the ranks of wounded, keenly aware he was not as popular as his pretty faced nurses, but making up for it with such easy-going banter that chuckles followed him wherever he went, making the men forget that he was deciding who got relief and who did not. Who were to be permitted the cooling sheets of Elysium by nightfall and who were to be left burning on the sand. Puffing a cigarette and making small talk, he clocked each injury and each likelihood of recovery without giving a bit of it away.
Nearing Maureen’s own patient of the moment, she felt him crouch down beside her and take in the hopeless gut wound she was ineffectually trying to stuff with bandages. A sturner superior would tell her not to bother, to move on, save such determination for someone with a longer life expectancy than five minutes. Maureen found it hard to make that call herself when met with the pleading eyes of someone’s dying son.
“C’mon Candy, move over, lemme try.” Egan murmured and his hip knocked hers gently as he crouched over the boy, perfectly aware of the futility. “Hey bud, breathe for me, breathe. You wanna smoke?”
Egan’s now bloody fingers reached up to his own lips and plucked his fresh and third cigarette of the hour and brought it down to the boy’s chapped mouth, shifting until he was fully seated on the sand, arms around the kid’s shoulders, gently taking the refreshment away when he puffed out, then replacing it for another inhale.
Maureen knew better than to linger. Beside this scene of brotherly last rites was another dying man and a hundred more beside him, so she moved on, seeing only vaguely the way the kid coughed blood as he laughed at Egan’s conversation. The topic seemed to be on the boy’s dog back home. The Sergeant she was tending added in a bit of teasing over the name -who names their dog “puppy”?!
Maureen had barely managed a tourniquet on the sergeant's arm before she could suddenly hear Egan’s gentle chatter turn to low shushing.
The sergeant looked away to the other side.
Maureen noticed the discarded cigarette laying on the sand, it had been smoked to a stub.
The heaving rattle of panicked breath beside them stopped.
Egan shifted onto his knees again and his long, bloody fingers dragged those sightless eyes closed. There was the brittle clink of dog tags being checked.
The sheet was tugged up all the way.
That triage was over.
Maureen politely ignored Doc Egan’s harsh sniff beside her -it was dusty here- but clocked the way he rose to his feet, a rough brushing off of his flight suit and his brusque inquiry regarding her morphine distribution in sector 2.
“All tended-“ she had begun when a shout from the far off plane rang out-
“-JOHN!” That was Cleven’s unmistakable bellow and Egan, despite being in a human sea of potential Johns- responded like he’d been made to hear that one voice alone. “Incoming, west!”
“Shit.” Egan spun westward and sure enough there were fighters with a blazing red sun, rushing straight down at them.
They were such a distance away still, Maureen doubted Cleven’s sight for all of fifteen seconds before horror set in. “They wouldn’t-?” she looked up at Egan whose bitten lip suggested that they would indeed strafe these poor men given the chance.
“Stretchers!” Cleven yelled again, “Get ‘em under the wings!”
There was a callous logic to it. Those men already prepped to be saved might as well be prioritized this much more. Fairness wasn’t something promised in war and Maureen chose to hate Gale Cleven instead of some ephemeral “war” for verbalizing the awfulness of that necessary.
“Do it.” came Egan’s agreeing order and Maureen and Smith took their respective sergeant down near the waterline at a run, fifteen other nurses and the various techs mimicking them. They deposited their men under the relative safety of the flimsy wings and dashed back out for more, leaving two techs behind to hoist the poor fellas into the cargo hold and deposit them in their respective bunks.
“Come onnnnn.” Cleven’s warning yell was drowned by the commencement of allied anti aircraft higher up the beach, trying to pick off the fighters before they reached the landing strip.
Maureen hardly noticed the closing drone of the fighter’s approach, nothing but her heart beat and memorized lines of her training on repeat in her ears. She’d been trained to fight hand to hand if necessary, her folks knew the risks of their daughter volunteering for such service but there was a sour dampening of resolve at the idea of being picked off from the air, not even allowed a bit of struggle to go out with.
All she could do was lift, hoist, run, deposit, do it all again.
They were getting near to full. On one pass through she saw Cleven counting berths and scolding poor Ensign Courter for her rushed method of securing her charge- “five feet drop to the floor on my first bank, oughta be just what that chest wound needs. For God’s sake, I’ll do it!”
He had a cold sort of fury to him Maureen found obnoxiously potent, and she felt a judgment rise in her for his obvious haste in wanting to get out of there. To his credit, when the planes did go by and everyone hit the ground, he was still standing yanking on the straps to secure the top bunk. Bullets punctured the side of the plane and riddled it, tiny specks of light flooding into the dark hold. One man was grazed as he lay in there.
“John!” Cleven warned again after they’d gone by.
“I know, I know damnit.” Egan snapped back from yards away, “There’s just not enough corpsmen -let me finish my damn job.”
“By the time you finish yours I won’t be able to finish mine.” Cleven retorted and the obvious finally occurred to Maureen -perhaps it was not his own safety that preoccupied him but the fragile capability of his riddled plane being able to evacuate once full. That, was indeed, his job. Still, such sentiments expressed as they were from the shelter of the cockpit and from a man who favored a silk blue neck scarf identical to the shade of his eyes, rankled Maureen.
The returning buzz of the Japanese fighters coming back around only cemented her futile rage. Her arms were aching and the sand caught at her boots and her mouth was dry with dust and there were so many, so, so many more left to help. Ensign Smith had been called away to assist with lifting another, and Maureen was knelt beside the man they’d managed onto a stretcher, doing her damndest to find how many bullets were embedded in his left leg and how deep the shrapnel was on his right. There was so much blood and filth it was impossible to tell and Andy, as his name was, couldn’t give her much help besides informing her it hurt like hell and she sure was a sight for sore eyes.
“Egan! At your three o’clock!” There was Cleven again.
Maureen grinned back at Andy and forced it to stay on her face as the buzz of the approaching fighters grew imminent and the dreadful thwump of machine gun fire thudded into the earth yards up the beach. It hit the section of the dead first, a further injury and dishonor. Maureen felt a lump in her throat at the realization she had no one near to help her lift this stretcher and that Andy himself hadn’t a usable leg to spare.
“Go.” her patient told her with a clear look of realization on his face as the leaden spatter of strafing began to elicit responses from those wounded men still alive enough to react.
“No.” The refusal came out of her mouth about as naturally as taking the next breath.
A shadow threw over them for a second and Andy’s facial expression grew surprised, but, stubbornly focused on her patient’s face, Maureen assumed it was the plane passing by at last and chose not to spend her last seconds watching what was going to kill her. “Ensign Kendeigh, lift.” Major Cleven’s voice was so close so suddenly it spooked her flat on her backside until she saw him, squatting down and casting a shadow at the head of the stretcher, poles gripped in both hands, ready to hoist. She scrambled to the foot and took the wood in hand, lifting for the twentieth time that day and running towards the plane.
Time was slow and fast all at once. Cleven’s shadow had come before even the first fighter. But as they ran it zipped by, bullets flinging up sand into their eyes, a near miss. The second one was close behind and as they ran near to the wings, they saw no room was left under them, as crowded as an awning at Coney Island during the height of summer.
Maureen squatted fast and lowered the foot of the stretcher, feeling Cleven mimick her movements behind her. Before she could turn ‘round and enact her training, there their pilot was, body draped over the battered Marine captain, his back as stalwart and protective as the wings of his plane. Maureen threw herself to the ground as well, propping herself over Andy’s battered legs. Together they made a turtle shell of sorts and, damned to be caught cringing when death took her, Maureen kept her eyes open and stared back at Gale Cleven’s gentle face as the -thud-thud-thud- passed them, a micro expression of assurance twitching his mouth and eyes as death passed over.
Who needed to look at the sky when you could find God in those eyes his mother gave him?
For as long as she lived, Maureen would never forget the gust of his spearmint scented breath on her face, the first sensation she registered as soon as the planes were past and they yet remained, alive, locked together above a man they’d both risked dying for.
“Major, you shouldn’t’ve.” Andy’s rough voice spoke Maureen’s own dazed sentiments as they straightened up, Cleven picking up his fallen aviators from the sand, “You gotta fly us outta here, you die an’we’re all sitting ducks.”
“Eh, that’s why we have co-pilots, Skipper.” Cleven grinned before glancing back at the sky, his face morphing into anything but carefree.
“Is that how Lt. DeMarco feels?” Maureen teased wearily.
“I’d never presume to know how Benny Demarco feels.” Cleven replied levelly but the corner of his mouth quirked up in amusement, “Ensign Kendeigh, give me a task.” he demanded.
“Sir-“
“I want us outta here in ten.” His tone held no room for argument, “What’s somethin’ even a dumb pilot can manage? Egan!” He yelled as the Lieutenant Commander approached them at a jog, his dark face the picture of rage for the men in his care being further hurt. “Out in ten.”
“Not gonna happen, still got supplies to distribute-“ Egan was visibly inscenced.
“-one more pass on my plane and we’re not gettin’ up. Look at that back wheel” Cleven replied, nodding at the deflating tire. “Hand me your shit, what’re we supplyin?”
“Aren’t you queasy for needles?” Egan balked, finding time for teasing despite himself.
“Hand me the damn syrettes.” Cleven stuck his hand out.
“You're under Candy’s orders.” Egan stipulated, pointing to Maureen and Cleven nodded.
“Yup, and we leave in ten.”
“Okey Buck, go, go, go.”
The nurses that had gone before them had tagged and labeled each, making it easy for Maureen and Major Cleven to squat along the rows and complete what help could be given. Her other companions were doing the same, each staggered at a few yards and assisted by Corpsmen and pharmacists. And despite the tension from the strafing and the dismal prospect of having to leave so many behind, the hum of chatter soon picked up again on the beach.
“Shit, shit, shit, no-I hate needles!” Marty, eighteen years old but with eyes that had seen a little too much, bore his dressing with tired stoicism until Cleven pulled out the morphine syrette.
“Son,” Gale murmured with barely concealed amusement, “your side looks like a bear cub teethed on it, you’ll be fine. And this’ll help.”
“Don’t ‘son me’ you baby faced glamor boy.” Marty spat back, marine corps superiority coursing through his admittedly impressive veins.
Gale was midway through a good natured snicker at Marty’s venom when the heavy shock of lobbed mortars began to thud the beach again. “Jesus.” the Major sounded more annoyed than surprised and had the wherewithal to place a restraining hand on Marty’s chest as the kid began to scramble up in panic, displacing Maureen’s dressing on his ribs.
“Cleven, they’re chewin’ up our strip!” Demarco yelled to them from the cockpit and sure enough, craters were beginning to form at the end of their taxi-able stretch of beach.
“Don’t leave me! Don’t leave Major!” Marty suddenly clutched at Cleven and the Major had to wrench his arm free. “Calm down, private, you’re on a stretcher.” he then ducked his head as he moved round to seize the poles, “And if there’s one thing you should know,” he went on in a low murmur just for Marty’s benefit, “it’s that Doc Egan doesn’t waste his stretchers on dead men.”
Carrying Marty’s stretcher to the plane was Maureen’s last jog down the beach. She ran up the cargo ramp and Cleven was after her, handing over the task of racking the private into a bunk to one of the nurses before sternly ordering a path for himself through the crowded belly up to his cockpit. Demarco had the full radio system on, the better to communicate with the nursing personnel as they prepared for take off, and everyone aboard could hear his exasperated greeting as his reckless officer took his seat.
“You really game enough to try to get this Goony off the ground with less than a thousand feet of strip?” Benny’s broadcasted doubt made most nurses pause in their work and Maureen met Andy’s eye from the third bunk halfway along the plane wall.
“I thought he said that’s why they have co-pilots.” Andy joked to her quietly.
“Mm,” she agreed mischievously, “I guess co-pilots are one thing, co-Clevens are another.”
“Should find a way to mass produce.” Andy sighed, “War would be over in five seconds.”
Gale Cleven hadn’t even refuted Demarco’s concern verbally and already the crew shrugged it off, if Major Cleven couldn’t get them off Hell Island then no one could, and that was that.
“John Egan, get your ass onboard, it’s wheels up.” Cleven’s yell out the window blasted through the radio, too, and the girls grinned at each other -Major Egan wasn’t one to get bossed about. But, as if to challenge everything they knew about life and their own superior, mere seconds later, John Egan was hopping up into the belly of Cleven’s plane with his empty sack dangling and sweaty hair in disarray. “We’ll be back Kenny!” he yelled to the young pharmacist’s mate left on the sand as the cargo door was hastily wrenched shut by Brady.
“Honey I’m home.” Egan yelled up to the front and Demarco’s snicker echoed along the walls of the tin belly.
“Everybody stow your gear,” Cleven’s order came through, the pounding vibration of nearby mortars shuddering the plane even more than the engine’s revving, “we’re gettin’ outta here now. S’gonna be bumpy.”
“That’ll be one word for it.” Demarco snarked, “Death by bumps.”
The human cargo in the plane, those not groaning or insensible, let up a unanimous chuckle. It helped to have been to hell and back, a quick death as a plane failed to get air and plowed instead into a sand bank was hardly the worst prospect these men had faced.
“Believe, Benny, believe.” Maureen could hear Cleven’s soft smile in his voice as the wheels began to roll.
Brady, their engineer, navigator and the lone crewman besides the pilots aboard this transport, kindly manhandled Maureen to a seat between his legs on the rattling floor beside Egan’s built-in desk, his hand fisted in the back of her jumpsuit collar like she was a kitten. They kicked their legs out together and braced as they gained speed and the plane began to jostle into the milder craters at an ever more intense pace.
Shell fragments made a series of charming bangs off the side of the wing nearest her and Maureen could hear Brady whispering behind her in repetition “God spare the oxygen, God spare the oxygen, God spare-“
“50-“ Demarco’s countdown was unfortunately broadcasting like some morbid game announcer and Maureen could see Egan’s jaw ticking in stress under the harsh overhead lights.
There was a terrible blast in front, the sound of shattering glass or metal and a jarring shudder went through the plane, “Damnnit.” Cleven hissed but the acceleration remained.
“You hit?”
“No. Read me, Benny-“
“80-“ Demarco obligingly resumed counting.
“C’mon Buck.” breath gusting on Maureen’s neck behind her, as Brady had begun to direct his prayers to the Major now and as if in answer, the stomach swooping feeling of flight took over them seconds later as the cargo plane let out a mighty roar of strained endurance and lifted with a wobble that had more than a few bunks puking their guts out. There’d be over five hours to clean the plane floor and attend to housekeeping if they could just level out and stay up long enough to get out of range.
Down the way from them Egan was still seated, one hand holding aloft a not yet hung plasma bottle and the other gripping a support bar. But his head was starting to nod like a dancer keeping pace with the band’s ever growing tempo. The engines had a beat, if you’d been personal with a plane long enough to pick it up, and Maureen paid attention to Egan’s stippling fingers on the cross bar as they mounted and mounted, little bursts of enemy gunnery causing a comparatively mild wobble to the plane body every few seconds. She figured a veteran like Brady would know when it was safe to let her go; judging by the grip on her collar he was still highly dubious of their lasting success.
“Fighters, -everyone brace.” Cleven’s voice warned about as cooly as if he was pointing out the drip of ice cream slipping down a cone.
“Ice man.” Andy praised from his bunk to the agreement of his companions as the fighter zipped by without so much as a shudder from Cleven’s steering.
Plenty of the passing bullets had punctured the belly and one man got a direct hit. “Candy!” Egan commanded from his place checking the unfortunate man’s pulse, “Go remind Buck that we haven’t got the oxygen to go full bomber, he’s gotta keep low and -Candy! When ya come back, time to start throwin’ on blankets. Brady, get our pumps going. This is as steady as it’ll get.”
“You got it, commander.”
More than a little sure her mission was more provoking than necessary, Maureen still obeyed and followed Brady up the length of the plane and towards his electrical station, then past it to poke her head between the pilot’s seats.
“Well, well, this is a pleasant surprise, getting car sick, kiddo?” Demarco joked, “Hey, I get it, I’d find it hell back there with no windows to look out.”
Their front window was partially shattered and the metal on Cleven’s side was gnarled.
“Those mortars obligingly made a few.” Maureen joked back.
“Anybody hurt?” Cleven asked, and to her surprise, he turned from his panel to look at her with unmasked concern.
A joke was ready made there about everyone quite literally being shot to hell but she sensed he’d not appreciate it and following some uninterpreted impulse of desiring his good opinion, she hardly wished to repay his earnestness with flippancy. “Only one.”
“How bad?”
“He looked -dead.” Maureen admitted. She hadn’t gotten a good look at the man moving past him but she’d seen Egan’s treatment of the body and it wasn’t promising.
Cleven’s jaw worked overtime at the news and something snapped in his mouth, followed by a soft curse from lips too full and soft to always be so stern. Maureen thought he may have broken a tooth with all that tension but he spit out two halves of a blooded toothpick instead. It fell to his pant leg.
“Major Cleven, sir, you’re bleeding.” It had drawn Maureen’s attention to his wet lap.
“That’s what I said.” Demarco agreed.
“It’s somebody else’s.” Cleven shook his head.
“You know if you pass out on me-“ Demarco warned, completely ignoring Cleven’s denial.
“-that’s why we’ve got co-pilots.” Cleven finished for him with a maddening smirk that made Benny Demarco throw his hands up.
“Can you check him?” he asked, “I mean -you are a nurse!”
“What? Hell no!” Major Cleven spooked for the first time all day at the suggestion, glancing quickly from his reddened trousers, behind him to Maureen Kendeigh, and back again. “I’m fine.” he declared in a firm tone that dettered her almost as much as the challenge of getting over the instruments and a steering column to pull down his pants and look. “Ensign Kendeigh, was there a purpose to your visit?” He redirected, resolutely ignoring Demarco’s unabated concerns.
“Yes sir,” she replied, meekly as she could, “Doc Egan asked me to remind you that you’re not flying a bomber. To mind the oxygen, sir. And that it’s cold.”
Cleven let out a mirthless little laugh. “We’re full of holes Ensign, of course it’s cold.”
“I know sir.”
“Yeah, ‘course you know,” his eyes lightened for a moment and Maureen almost deluded herself he was being chummy when he murmured next, “you’re smart like that. Tell the Lieutenant Commander I’ll keep her nice and low, so low the Jap navy gunners can blow the floor out without a sweat.”
“Much obliged, Major.” Maureen chirped, pleased to have been trusted with a bit of morbid humor -it was the truest test of being taken seriously a woman could hope for in the service.
“Thank you, Ensign.” And with that she was dismissed.
By the time she got to the belly again her assigned job of doling out blankets had long been accomplished by her fellows. Brady had the place lit up like an operating theater and there was the added drone of medical equipment added to Cleven’s engines. She liked to think of them as his now, Maureen realized, a tiredness seeping in now that the rush was over, now there was just six hours of the same until they touched down again in safety. His engines stayed with them, consistent, steady, dependable yet a little absent, just like the man himself.
“Major Cleven said he’ll keep her low, Doc.” Maureen reported dutifully but whatever humor Egan once held when sending her to the cockpit was now gone, a bloody mess on his hands as he and Ensign Dormer worked over a head wound.
“Good.” Egan gritted out, “I need a monitor on vitals and I need new gloves, c’mon Candy, c’mon!”
The hours passed like this, no way of telling time in the artificially lit tube of metal. Some men needed a cup of water and a kind smile, others required every bit of grit and intelligence to keep even the faintest pulse discernible above the hum. When one of them passed away in the anonymity of the top bunk, Egan didn’t bother to cover his face, the man looked to be sleeping and it suited the morale better if his fellows were not disillusioned on that score.
It was impossible not to think for a split second on the unfairness of it all -live to be finally evacuated and only die before getting safe. To think how someone else less tore up might’ve been given that bunk and survived the trip.
“Can’t dwell on it.” Ida Brady, their headmistress back in Manila, had said -and she had been right. But seeing her brother Lt. Brady cross himself now in recognition of a soul passed did something to Maureen’s own spirit, a grieving sort of fury possessed her which matched Egan’s own as they worked on the next unsalvageable man until he became a likely contender for seeing his wife and kids again.
She had been up for nineteen hours, flying for ten of those, nursing for four. She was bone tired and yet there was always someone to be tended and the thought of leaving one of these poor men without even the slightest of their needs met felt impossible. Maureen didn’t even think to pause or lag in her expertise, neither did the nurses around her and up there at the front somewhere, Cleven’s eyes were sharp and focused as ever, she knew it, and knowing it brought a calm over her that made her sympathize with Egan’s own superstitious preference for the man.
Brady came through with coffee, an abnormal duty he picked up as a result of trusting no one else with the process or the electrical requirements to make it. “Figured our pilots could use it.” he explained before passing out a passel of paper cups to the girls filled with the peppy stuff, belying his practical excuse, before taking two to the cockpit.
He came back out with a funny look on his face- “Benny says he needs a pan.”
“What the hell for?” Egan balked.
“Or a condom.” Brady dutifully amended the petition.
“I repeat -what the hell for?”
“They’ve drank a lotta coffee sir.”
“Any of you fellas got condoms?” Egan asked his patients with a laugh and got a series of predictable replies. “Gale Cleven sure as hell don’t.”
There were light hearted moments like that, many of them in fact, but six hours of flying with wounds as bad as the ones they were tending was no joke, there were bits of laughter and there were times of quiet and there were restless sleepers whose terrors not even morphine could dim.
“Forty minutes out.” Major Cleven had gone quiet over the coms for so long it was like hearing from God again when he came on, gentle and steady.
Those they couldn’t get comfortable were at the height of their groaning as the cold and the endless buzz got to them. Helplessly the nurses offered pillows and water and irrigated the burns with saline and checked needle positioning. Maureen had taken to charting, something too often neglected in high stress environments but something that proved terribly crucial as soon as they landed and handed over their charges to a new set of professionals. On the left side of the plane she held one man’s wrist after another and noted their pulse. On the right side she did the same, one man’s left hand after another, wedding band or sans wedding band, in her notes it was only ever:
“94, 57, 88, 91, 63, 82”
The lights had been dimmed, hopes were some rest could be gotten by those in any shape to manage sleep. It made for a drowsy atmosphere, only the flashlight in her teeth illuminating the veins under her fingers and her co-workers faces, Egan’s face was a shiny mess of freckles in the torch light despite the chill, exhaustion seeping out of him but not a hint shown in his workmanship. It made the dull chorus of groans in the dark all the more ominous and Brady remarked to Smith on one pass that maybe they should have brought a record player.
“Twenty minutes out.” Maureen and every other soul on board was living for those little updates from Cleven.
Men told to hang in there and not die before they could be gotten to surgery suddenly had a goal in mind and the suspense was growing brutal. Stashed and stowed, secured and checked, landing preparations were already done and it was last minute tending before taking seats. Maureen found herself nearly piddling by one young private, trying to soothe him with a washcloth as sepsis fever wracked him when over the intercom came the oddest lulling hum, like a far off jazz intro.
It was too soft initially to be recognized but the surety picked up, something about the tone unmistakably belonging to their pilot, his hums about as characteristic of him as his laconic speech.
“Is that whadda friend we have in Jesus?” Demarco’s voice overtopped the gentle melody.
John Egan was wheezing in a chuckle beside her as Maureen shook her own head in disbelief.
“No,” Gale murmured, humming paused only briefly, “it’s ‘Leaning on the everlasting arms’ -you fish eater.”
“You gotta be jokin’.” Benny was wheezing too but Cleven was back to his gentle humming, words actually forming this time and filling the tired plane with a timbre that could put Bing Crosby out of a job.
“What have I to dread, what have I to fear
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near
Leaning on the everlasting arms”
It worked, the sickening drop in elevation was -if not noticed- bravely pushed aside for a hymn sing, Brady leading from the back and Cleven from the front. And for a brief moment, men from Kansas to Florida, Oregan to Rhode Island, strapped in a flying coffin of flickering souls, were seated back in the pews of their childhood, trusting something larger than themselves. Even if that something was Gale Cleven’s steady hands or the justness of a cause worth dying for or God Almighty, it was something big and above the pain of right now.
“Leaning, leaning
Safe and secure from all alarms
Leaning, leaning
Leaning on the everlasting arms”
The Navy station at Gaum had a runway, in fact there were five Cleven could have picked at whim, and there was no feeling so beautifully civilized and sure as the smooth roll of plane tires on asphalt after what they’d just left. “Flaps at quarter!” and they were slowing, the deflated back wheel only causing some slight disturbance, and then they were stopped.
That bizarre stillness settled again as the engines were cut. Egan gave Maureen a smile so soft and telling that her heart about seized in realization -they’d managed it. “Well that’s us.” he repeated for the second time that day, voice gone raspy with cigarettes and fatigue. “Welcome to American soil, boys.”
There were so many lights outside the cargo door, searing white flashes in the nighttime, jeeps and ambulances and all manner of medical personnel at the ready, it was overwhelming in the exact opposite way the beach at Iwo had been. Maureen hopped down onto the tarmac with Ensign Mann, ready and prepared to stay with her charges until the transition could be made. Clipboard in hand and kit on her back, she’d go in with her select five until they’d been admitted and charted meticulously in the various wards.
“How’s it feel to make history, Miss?!” -some of those lights, Maureen realized with a dull throb behind her eyes, were flashbulbs. Journalists were thick as thieves, snapping and hollering, others respectfully keeping a distance, “You're the first woman to step foot in a combat zone-“ Maureen kept her hand on her stretcher even as she watched Cleven limping over to a jeep and piling in after Demarco. Her mouth set in a sour line of suspicion regarding his claims of being unscathed. He’d be in interrogation and she in the wards for the next hour, she’d have to find out later.
A couple of hours later John Egan was sat with Captain Crosby in the administration office, nothing but a small alcove at the front of the ward, his legs spread wide in his chair and good scotch whisky being slurped from a cleverly injected orange while reviewing the charts. Croz was a whizz at this, meticulous and careful to a fault and John adored him for it because men who gave a damn were scarce after this many years of grueling loss and, also, because it allowed himself to wind down sooner than he was technically free to do so.
“Two men lost, that’s -that’s still good odds.” Crosby couldn’t manage an upbeat tone, he felt those two lives as deeply as Egan did, but facts were facts and over all, this experimental mission had proven beyond successful. Now to tell that to the families of the two men now being carted to the morgue instead of surgery and salt baths.
“Yeah, my girls were Trojans out there.” Bucky sucked his teeth, the squint in his eyes beginning to relax with a boozy sort of calmness. “Speakin’ of Trojans! —Candy!”
Maureen approached the little alcove at a tired gait, not above reprimanding Egan for his loud voice with all those occupied beds just feet away. “It’s late, Commander.” she reminded with hinting softness that only made him crane his head back and grin sloppily at her.
“It is, it is.” he agreed, reaching up to pat her arm and she squinted at the smell of whiskey, Crosby’s sudden and transparent busyness with the charts confirmed her suspicions. “You should get some shut eye, Candy! Back at it tomorrow.”
“So should you.” she hinted kindly.
“Mm,” he hummed in negative, “apparently my ‘specialty’ is needed elsewhere before then.”
“And so the booze?” she struck back and Crosby’s pen briefly dragged along his tidy line in shock at her daring.
“Steady hands, Candy darlin.” Egan responded, lifting two sticky palms up and showing, indeed, not a tremor. “I’ve got a surgery in less than an hour -working with Brady’s old sister, of all people, the one who snuck out of Manila after?- anyways, she’s 90 pounds of spit and vinegar. Starved for two years, but she takes three weeks off and a round of anti-parasitics and she’s all ‘let me back at ‘em.’ Hell of a dame. Anyway, surgery with her. I need this.”
“Well,” Maureen Kendeigh knew when to let go of a fight with a man who’d as yet never failed her or anyone else, despite his habits, “I can confirm it does nothing for your eyes bags.”
“Kiss ‘em better?”
“Not in my purview, sir.” she couldn’t help but smile, “Perhaps lieutenant Brady will be obliging?”
“She scares me.” he objected.
“And I don’t?”
“Only in the ways I like, Candy Darlin’.” he insited.
“Ah Major!” Crosby’s strained greeting drew their attention away from this over rehearsed banter and Egan straightened up fast upon sight of his friend.
“Buck!”
“John.” Gale Cleven was in the same uniform he’d been in for hours, flight jacket undone and scarf hanging loose. He must have come straight from interrogation and standing in front of the administrator's desk he was turning his cover over and over in his hands. Maureen was certain that were she to devote two hours a day to brushing her hair she could never bernish it to the golden brilliance that twelve hours of flight-sweat gave his. On a more concerning note, his was pale as death except for those lips. “I came to check in on everybody. Load of journalists out there.” He thumbed back behind him at the public area, “Mostly curious about you, Ensign.”
“Historical.” Egan affirmed and sent Maureen a sly look as she sighed over the fuss being made of her mission.
“I’m one of twenty.” she reminded.
“I hope you were nice about her.” Egan goaded his buddy and to her confusion, Gale flinched as if that were a remarkably successful mode of attack.
“O-of course.” he frowned severely and Maureen had a desperate urge to thumb those lines away. “I told them the truth.” he defended, mildly heated.
“Which is?” Egan was enjoying this and neither Maureen nor Harry Crosby could seem to puzzle out why.
“They did remarkably.” Cleven didn’t budge.
“Better than you thought.” Egan prodded.
“Yeah. Admittedly, far better than I thought. Jeeze, John.”
“But were you nice about her?” Egan insisted.
“What?”
“You said they were particular about Candy.” Egan said, “So what did you say?”
Maureen grew concerned that with such a level of fluster in the Major’s face not a stitch of blood seemed able to raise a blush.
“How ‘bout you read it in the paper.” Gale replied, coolly mean before clearing his throat and straightening up, back in possession of himself. “I came to see how many -how’d we do?”
“Twenty eight.” Egan confirmed.
“Outta thirty?” Cleven asked for confirmation.
“Yes sir.” Crosby answered him.
“Alright.” The Major accepted that, hat still whirling in his hands, a strange contrast to his perfectly contained posture. It drew Maureen’s eye to his hips and that deep red stain running down his pant leg.
“How’s your hip Major?” she asked, seeking to break the silence before Egan did so with some new and regrettable subject.
That did bring a flush and a sheen of sweat broke out on a face Maureen knew would be feverishly hot were she to touch it. He looked peeky, truth be told. “It’s fine, ma’am.”
“Hold up,” Egan stood from his chair and leaned over the desk to glare blearily at Gale’s trousers. “You're hit.”
“It’s a scratch.”
“Scratches don’t keep bleedin’ like that.“
“Well, mine do.”
“Hey, I don’t go tellin’ you how to fly your planes-“
“-you do though.”
“-so you don’t go tellin’ me what’s a scratch and what’s a wound. It’s still drippin’, that makes it a wound.”
Cleven moved his boot to the side impatiently and only succeeded in proving his friend’s point as a line of fresh blood smeared the white tile. “I was gonna just -“
“-What?”
“-Clean it in the shower.” Cleven sighed, defeated but with an edge that suggested he might yet do it .
“Oh, just gonna rinse mortar fragments outta of your thigh, yeah?”
“It’s not that bad. Dunno if it really got hit.” He protested, “Might be scratched.”
“Or you might have a piece of your instrument panel snuggled up to an artery.” John affirmed sarcastically. “We’re goin’ up again tomorrow. I need you fit, I need you good.”
“I am.”
“You’re gonna get checked.” Egan commanded and Gale looked back at the double doors leading to freedom and a pack of journalists and sighed. “You’re on the ground now, flyboy, I call the shots.”
“Ok.” Cleven mumbled, “If you’re so goddamn eager to pants me, do it.”
“I am, I am but I’ve got even better things to do.” Egan rounded the desk and flung an arm around Gale in parting, bringing him in close despite Cleven’s stiff necked antipathy that hid only the deepest seated endearment, “Like putting a left lung back where it should be and trying to get Lt. Brady to smile at me.” Egan expounded, letting go and beginning to actually leave, much to Cleven's sudden concern, “Which is, naturally, on the left -the left lung, that’s where it goes.” Egan went on.
“Wait, aren’t you gonna-?” Cleven called after him.
“Pantsing is more of Ensign Kendeigh’s purview.” John replied cheerfully. “Don’t look so appalled, I'm sure she’s seen smaller.”
“John!” Major Cleven and Maureen both inflected his name like twin, scandalized parrots.
“You deserve each other.” John laughed, “Ensign, do your duty.”
“This is the kinda behavior that has you gettin’ write ups for bein’ a terror to your nurses!” Gale growled after him in remonstrance but it did nothing to slow Egan’s tactical withdrawal.
“Bulshit, everybody on this ward loves me!” John dared to claim even as he was berated on his way out by more than a few wounded marines for being a little too jovial at two in the morning.
Cleven didn’t wait for the doors to fully close on Egan or for Maureen to collect her professional demeanor and clipboard before he was leaning over Captain Crosby at his desk, large hands splayed on the fresh paperwork, assuming the pose of a supplicant before a lawyer. “Harry, Captain, do me a favor this once and take a look fo-“
“-Major Cleven sir,” Harry Crosby interjected levelly and with the utmost respect, “I’m an administrator.”
Maureen composed herself, the sight of this stoic man losing a grip on himself due to the prospect of lost modesty was surprising, it was also motivating to find her own professionalism and put him at ease. “Major, if you’d follow me?” she nodded her head towards the ward and started clopping down the dim aisle toward one of the last empty beds. He didn’t need to lay down for it but she needed her instrument tray, an isolated light and, if his shyness was so severe, drawing the sectioned curtains would hardly be amiss.
When she arrived and turned round to instruct him, he was obediently there to obey. Something about that dogged respect for authority he possessed and his compliance with her own profession filled her with an odd protectiveness and she motioned him into the space gently, tugging the curtain closed behind him. He was taller than she realized, made more apparent as he took the initiative and tugged off the bulky weight of his flight jacket, methodically laying it out in a half fold on the bed, nothing but a lean line of him left in olive green.
Lanky, her mother would call him, a long drink of water. He looked all of twenty four, suddenly, soft and in need of a meal. “Your leg, yes?” she reaffirmed, jotting it down in the chart. She had found that men found it easier to talk of injuries when she wasn’t making eye contact.
“Yes.” His voice was low as the grave and hushed too, “And -I think maybe my hip.”
Maureen’s eyes flicked to the place in question, recalling how she had suspected his lap in general on the plane. “Right.” she made the customary jot down of the detail and then an arguably unnecessary note beside it, the longer to give him a chance to cool himself. “Your pants Major, if you would.” she filled in the date and the time, cursory information so as not to be idle while he undid his belt, the clank of the flat uniform clasp deafening in the space where he seemed to hold his breath.
She was used to discerning the moment when it was safe to look up. Often there was a brief period after the sound of pants hitting the floor where one might have the misfortune of catching a man adjusting himself to a preferred side. She was prepared to give him that moment in peace but his voice called her to attention.
“Is this?-“ he didn’t finish his sentence and she looked up to see his vague gesture as he stood in briefs and boots, jacket hung open, too.
“Yes I think we can manage with those on.” she smiled reassuringly, discerning his query. His skivvies were blood stained on the right and clinging to him but the wounds appeared to be above and below their coverage, “I’ve always got scissors if need be.”
“Scissors.” He repeated with a nod, teeth savagely dug into his lip.
“Jacket off, this could get messy.” She ordered and something about her decisiveness seemed to soothe him like she knew it would, he shrugged it off gracefully and laid it beside the sheepskin, and yanked at his tie to relive his bobbing throat. “Please, sit Major.”
He sat down on the bed, a little stiffly, and she reached above her to turn on the large overhead lamp, shining it down on them both and in the harsh glow of it she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen something so beautiful as Gale Cleven’s blushing face fixed upturned towards her own.
“You’ve lost a lot of blood, looks like.” she attempted to make conversation and got a mere nod instead, once she stepped nearer, his eyes devoutly focused themselves somewhere to the right of them, on the floor.
She rinsed the area first, wiping away the crusted blood until his smooth, lightly haired skin came into view, little jagged tears visible in it with small fragments embedded. It wasn’t bad at all, but deep enough to keep it bleeding.
The touch of cool water made him jolt in surprise. What it didn’t do was make him shrink. She saw his hands curl, white knuckled around the mattress pad beside him as she gently dug out the metal, and she had a suspicion it wasn’t from the pain.
As unabashedly as her profession had taught her, Maureen tugged up his boxer leg until she was satisfied she’d uncovered the last little shard and did what was necessary, reaching atop the wet fabric and moving his heavy member up and away. He about bucked off the table at that mere touch of positioning and Maureen backed away out of pure animal instinct to avoid getting reflexively kneed.
“I'm sorry!“ he rushed out, his chest suddenly tight like an elephant were sat on it and his blood thudded in his ears, “Ensign, I apologize, I don’t know why-“
“It’s fine.” she insisted, stunned and pitying at the realization she probably was the first woman to touch him this way. To touch him at all. “I’m sorry this requires it.” she admitted.
“Please don’t -“ he took a large breath and began again, actually managing to meet her eyes out of sheer willpower, “-I’m the one who’s sorry. You’re doing your job, i don’t know why I get- it’s unprofessional of me, I'm sorry.” he repeated firmly and straightened his spine as if he could discipline a most human reaction away.
“It’s not at all uncommon.” She whispered, feeling compelled to be unprofessional herself if only to make him stop berating himself, “We nurses deal with this all the time, quite normal after combat, particularly.” Maureen paused for a moment and weighed the joke on the tip of her tongue as she dabbed iodine on a cotton ball and prepared to go back into the dreaded zone of his thigh crease, “It’s to be expected, the manual says; your blood is quite literally UP.”
Stood there in suspense between his legs with the iodine swab waiting mid air, Maureen waited until she saw a flicker of amusement twinkle his sad expression and a snicker escape that sober mouth. “Tell me about it.” he rasped, exasperated at his own body. “Every damn time.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” she teased, bringing the swab down and ignoring the sizable jolt his whole body and appendage gave at this dab to his thigh or the way his belly caved in with his deep intake of breath, “I’m telling you it’s normal.”
“Damn, you are sweet.” He declared suddenly with gut wrenching emphaticism that finally broke Mauren’s own precarious composure. “Not just to me,” he hastened to add in response to her melting expression so close to him, “to everybody out there. You were incredible today.” He paused and Maureen swallowed hard and tried with great difficulty to find the capability to thank him for the compliment. Before she could, he added with youthful honesty, “But you are -sweet to me.”
“Right back at you. Major.” she insisted, daring to stay that close and look back into those eyes she thought would be her last sight on earth for a second there on the beach earlier. His shuddering breath suggested he was recalling it, too.
“It’s nice to have friends in the crucible with ya.” he explained and Maureen felt her heart glow.
“Your poor hands.” she whispered, dropping her swab to gather his shaky hands in hers, the large palms engulfed her own even as she tried to cradle them. Never a hint of this anxiety while flying them, yet here he was shivering with it afterwards. “Probably blood loss.” she gave him an out, some men weren’t ready for talk of flight exhaustion or strained nerves.
“Then why’s it wasting all I’ve got to spare on…that?” He actually managed to joke back and Maureen actually allowed herself to laugh -god help her, she laughed at a man’s joke about an ill timed erection.
“John would say something about hope springing eternal, right about now.” she wheezed even as he groaned, his hands still placidly jittering in her grip, “I enjoyed your singing, by the way.”
“Mm, yeah, well,” he cleared his throat, “you didn’t see the hole in the wing or the busted flaps all the way home. That landing didn’t promise to be as pretty as it was.”
“But it was pretty.”
“Yeah. Not too bad.”
“A gorgeous landing.” she insisted and his eyes started to water under the harsh light. Impulsively, and in an act of unprofessionalism she would have never recognized before today, Maureen Kendeigh drew his hands close to her chest and pressed a kiss to his lined forehead. The way he sagged against her in a shuddering lunge suggested her impulse was a good one. “Doc Egan insists whiskey is good for this.” she whispered into hair that smelled so strongly of his musk and the wool of his cap she about buckled from it.
“Mm, but is it g—good for him?” he responded rhetorically, a gust of moist breath against the open throat of her flight jacket, his usual irony still remained with only a hiccup of nerves interrupting his speech. Maureen wasn’t sure anymore, what saved a life, well, it had saved a life, so why demonize it? She was here to force things to keep living in environments so hostile wildflowers gave up. Some men needed their booze and some men needed to be held in the hospital ward at two in the morning until their shakes calmed. As if he could read her mind, she felt Gale turn his head to the side a little for breath, face still pressed to her chest as he uttered quietly, “This is working. For me.”
“Good.” Nose buried in his hair she took a few measured breaths herself, feeling that odd calm still radiating off him, even as his body was shot to hell and giving off the overtaxed jitters. “You bring people calm, you know that, Major? It’s why Egan picked you for this, deep down, you make a plane load of dying men hang in there. That’s a gift. But when you’ve got a cup you keep pouring out of, it’s bound to go empty. Gotta refill yourself, sometimes, yes?”
“I thought this was blood loss.” Gale replied softly and it took Maureen a beat to recognize the sad mischief in his blue eyes.
“Alright. I’ll speak for myself.”She conceded with a huff.
“You must be exhausted.” he noted, suddenly as sober as they come.
“A little tired.” she admitted, questioning the way she instinctively tightened her hold on the back of his neck as he stiffened to pull away. Entirely unprofessional, she wasn’t a medicine spoon or a needle, he had every right to pull away.
“So what would fill your cup back up?” he asked in that low voice that sent a million varied undertones crashing through her, whether he intended it or not.
Too tired to be much more than plainly honest, or as honest as a woman should be with a half undressed patient cradled to her chest, Maureen admitted the half of it, which in many ways was the whole, “This is working for me.”she repeated his own words to him and watched them take effect.
Like a sudden reanimation had occurred, Gale Cleven untangled their hands with emphatic surety and then, in an act of kindness Maureen never expected, brought them to her shoulders and tugged her down for a solid embrace. “A hug and a nap then.” He prescribed, his solid shoulder beneath her cheek and his legs parted for her to step between. Only the bandages kept him from bleeding further on her.
“Not a nap,” she smiled, an inexplicable warmth and calmness flooding through her in his hold, his back was broad and lean under her hands, “we should go to sleep.”
“No such thing as going to sleep in the military, Ensign.” Gale murmured, “Sleep -that’s what happens when your mama tucks you in and you’ve got a whole night to waste. Naps. That’s what we take.”
“Alright, a nap, and a hug.”
“Alright.”
“You know,” Maureen dared with a little smile as some part of her slotted back in place and gave her the boldness to be a little too much, “there’s this thing people came up with ages ago where you hug and take naps at the same time.”
Pink cheeked but with a jaw clench that had defeated warzones, Gale Cleven pulled his head away and gave her a heavy look of admonishment, “Marriage.” he stated unamused.
Well, she had meant sex, and she wanted it, always had after danger -but Cleven had a point too.
“Uh, yes, that’s the most common-“
“-If I were to marry you, Maureen Kendeigh,” his voice took on a teasing lilt that was somehow more devastating than all his commanding earnestness, “there’d be no nap taking.”
“Oh.” A single utterance was about all she could articulate in the face of that smirk and gentle refusal. Both flattering and painful all at once. “Well, that’s not for us then.”
“No.” he pondered, full lips twitching downwards in disappointment, “At least, sounds like a decidedly post-war endeavor. No naps.” he clarified.
“Oh -yes.” she caught on, well used to the code of superstition all around her that didn’t allow men to spell out any sort of lasting, long term hope. “A postwar endeavor.” she agreed, never having heard marriage so smartly categorized.
“Uhuh,” his hands trailed up from her ribs to squeeze the sore muscles of her deltoid, “for now -naps. Back up tomorrow.”
“Alright.” she agreed, stepping a small distance back and looking him over, this time his presence didn’t shrink, in fact if anything he expended in the small room and it made her chest ache, “You're alright?” she made sure one last time.
He held his palms flat up and Maureen could attest they were indeed steady, terribly large, too, and his watch on his wrist was careening towards three o’clock. “Looks like it.” he rasped. “But you’re in charge here. Can I go, Ensign?”
Regretfully Maureen nodded, “You’re dismissed, Major.”
When he stood up from the bed he was by necessity in her space, looking down at her rather fearlessly as he yanked up the waist of his trousers and gathered the belt closed around his lean waist. Maureen felt her cheeks burn but couldn’t look away, if she were to glance away from those eyes she might see something even more tempting before he’d secured the fabric.
“Got any more duties after this?” he asked, breaking the moment as he bent to arrange his trouser hems over his boots.
“No.”
“Then I’ll walk you to your billet.”
“For naps.” she clarified cheekily.
“For naps.” he agreed with mirthful vehemence, finger pointed at her with almost paternal caution to not push his patience.
“Do you want your shell fragments?” she rattled them in their dish, the pieces she'd pried from the shallow muscle of his hip.
Cleven paused with his hand on the dividing curtain, shaking his head in amusement, “Give ‘em to Egan,” he suggested with a wicked little smirk, “knowing him he’ll make a talisman out of them or something equally useful.”
Hope y’all enjoyed! Feedback is a writer’s life blood, lemme head your thots or screams! Xoxo
Taglist (let me know if you’d like to be added for my MOTA fics)
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#mota fanfiction#mine#archive#friends in the crucible#Gale Cleven x OC#Buck Cleven x OC#Buck Cleven#austin butler#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler imagine#masters of the air#Bucky Egan#doc Egan#Maureen Kendeigh#iwo jima#hbo war#john egan#callum turner#Callum Turner fanfiction
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Heroes of Olympus---fitness/body related hcs
***Idk if anyone would even plan on it but Please do not comment or tag this as anything sexual as it is not meant like that in any way whatsoever***
Percy
Everyone lost some weight on the big Argo II voyage due to stress and all the fighting and everything, Percy is no exception.
In general, though, he is still leaner than Jason and has slightly less upper body/ pectoral strength than he does.
However, he has THE fucking core strength ever
Unless he's been really, really exerting himself he normally has a cushion of belly fat over his abs but if you feel his abs they're wow so strong
Also bunch of shoulder strength, he does lots of climbing
He honestly needs some squish especially in scenes set After Gaea’s defeat. One of the reasons im writing these hcs is that I hate the fanarts that give the demigods six or eight pack abs and 0 body fat like?? Have u ever seen a 16-17 year old boy with chiseled abs. Especially one that eats like mr Jackson. His mother is feeding him good on seven layer dip and cheeseburgers and cookies and blue candy and he drinks blue cherry Coke and eats his fill of barbecue every day at camp you Cannot tell me he has no body fat arrgggh
He probably looked like that while he was in Tartarus though bc he was probably really dehydrated and exhausted lmaoo
V good sense of balance and coordination
Jason
Jason’s got more strength in his arms/shoulders/upper body than anything else
Big arm and chest muscles
Also naturally has belly--when he's not worried abt food--but he tends to stand taller so you can't see it as much
Probably lost the most weight on the voyage. Too busy making sure everyone else was okay and also healing from his various injuries. He also had to be absolutely sure there was enough food for everyone else so he was worried abt taking too much
Generally spends more time exercising and has hardly ever seen a junk food in his life and eats a lot of protein bc hes always lived at camp jupiter so he's very muscle
Piper
Piper didn't really start exercising until she came to camp so she's probably the least physically strong in comparison
More squish than Annabeth. Carries fat in hips and thighs and belly
Thinks/feels like she's fat and low key worries abt it
Was only mildly disappointed when she started demigod training and her belly didn't instantly disappear lol
Kind of jealous of how Annabeth is so thin and athletic but Annabeth wishes she had Pipers thighs/boob/curves loll the curse of being a woman
Piper also feels like she has baby face compared to Annabeth bc she has chubbier cheeks and it annoys her
She's got a pretty good sense of balance tho
Pretty good at running fast but she doesn't have as much stamina as Annabeth
Shes quite flexible also
Pretty good swimmer
Annabeth
Naturally quite thin
been training her whole life so she's got strong arms and legs and core
Really good at running and sprinting
Very agile too
Core strength and upper body strength
Great at dodging attacks, less good at blocking
Tallest of the girlies
Climber shoulders/back muscles
Wishes she had Piper’s curves kinda. She doesn't care all that much but occasionally is like damn wouldn't that be nice
Frank
Arrgh I hate how in the middle of the series Rick took away all of his fat. Screw you sir. Put it back. Put it bacK
So Frank Immediately gets his tum back in the span of a few weeks
He's also really tired for the next however long after the Mars boy magic adrenaline wears off bc where's his fuel??? Gone!!
Very good at Lifting stuff. He had to carry stuffs for his grandma all the time bc she was old
Mostly strong in the arms and chest/pectorals
His growth spurt happened real quick so he's still not used to how big he is which is why he's all clumsy
Needs to work on balance and coordination lol
Although he got most of his chub back, his Babyface™ didn't come back quite so strong
Hazel
Hazel is the shortest girlie
Was really thin back in the 40s and then gained quite a bit soon after she came back to life. She was very confused and probably horrified
This was bc of a combination of having a growth spurt, pressure on little girls to be thin back then and the times having changed now, having enough to eat now, and changes in the amounts of additives and high fructose corn syrup and shit in foods
She was really distraught for a while bc much like Nico’s internal conflict with The Gay, decades ago being chubby was an unforgivable sin for a little girl
Obv not to Nico’s extent bc I don't think people were killed for being fat but still
It takes her a while to see it as not a bad thing but just a thing
She has pretty evenly distributed muscle strength because when she started exercise at camp jupiter they worked All The Groups
Leo
We love our tiny little shrimp man
He didn't get enough to eat during his growth spurt so he's kind of stunted
Even though he's a hephaestus boy he could not for the life of him build a lot of muscle
He's not that strong
He's probably pretty flexible though
Nico
Also stunted because he didn't eat enough in his growth spurt
Pretty strong though
Smol but he is still growing
Is getting taller and will almost definitely surpass Leo
Also is slowly gaining a healthy amount of weight as he stays at camp and Will makes him eat and sleep more regularly and now he's less tired all the time
Pretty good core strength and balance and agility
Looks more his child age now that his cheeks are more filled in
Reyna
Buff Girl
Girlie works out when shes stressed and now she's got muscles like steel cables
Im talking arms, shoulders, core, legs, glutes
Can arm wrestle Jason and win even if he does try his darnedest
Incredible sprinter
Does so many squats that she got the whole bakery lol
Really likes her muscles
Flexes in the mirror
Jason expressed to her how impressive it was a few times and it was partially why she fell in love with him lol
Will
Will has pretty good arm muscles actually and can lift heavy stuffs
Can lift his bf easily
He has a soft tum tho and padding on his arms
Does yoga and stretching and that works his core
Soft
Eats good proteins and veggies and gets good sleeps
Healthy boi 10/10
#heroes of olympus#hoo#the seven demigods#heroes of olympus headcanon#hoo headcanon#body neutrality#body posititivity#fitness#health#tw food mention#percy jackson#jason grace#piper mclean#annabeth chase#frank zhang#hazel levesque#leo valdez#nico di angelo#reyna avila ramirez arellano#will solace
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hi!! i love your writing so much!!
could i request a fake dating/undercover as a couple trope with hunter and a gender neutral reader? or just the prompt “Your flirting skills need work”
no pressure tho!! and thanks!!
hello! i'm so happy to hear you like my stories - thank you for the prompt and i hope you enjoy this one!!
words: 1,128
summary: in the middle of a crowded market on Ord Mantell, you have to get pretty up close and personal with Hunter. But it's only to make sure your covers aren't blown, what other reason would there be?
Play It Cool
clone troopers masterlist || request a winter ficlet!
Hunter was a genetically modified soldier who possessed a strength you could only ever dream of, and who had been trained for most of his life to be a terrifyingly effective combat operative. His face tattoo and the vibroblade that never left his possession also contributed to his menacing demeanor, especially to those who had made the mistake of opposing the Bad Batch.
He was also a terrible actor.
Usually that wouldn’t be a problem, but this time was different, because you were currently clutching his (way too sweaty) palm as you walked through one of Ord Mantell’s crowded night markets. You just had barely been able to convince one of the local shopkeepers (a sweet old Togruta who sold hand-woven clothes) that you two were a couple, simply based on the fact that his body language and expression made it seem like he didn’t want to be there.
“Your flirting skills need some serious work,” you hissed as you let go of his hand for a moment to wipe it on your pants. You could have said something about his sweaty hands too, but you chose to hold your tongue this time. “Did they not cover this in all your special training?”
“No, they didn’t,” Hunter hissed back. “I don’t think the Kaminoans ever considered that we’d be working with any other person, because we didn’t even have a Jedi.”
“Well, you’re compromising this assignment, so you need to act like you’re in love with me,” you said lowly, wishing things were different right now. This mission may only be a simple information retrieval, but you still had to make sure that the two of you didn’t stick out (more than you already did) among the usual shoppers and passerby of this particular market. Hunter didn’t respond, but you caught a glimpse of an expression you couldn’t quite read cross his face. As much as you would have loved these roles to be real, you didn’t think that was ever going to happen.
You didn’t blame him for not noticing the fact that you had an obvious crush on him. The crushing grip of the Empire’s fist was only growing stronger by the day, and the Bad Batch had a target on their back for simply being who they were. And so when Cid had asked you to do this for her (and suggested that you pretend to play lovers), you couldn’t help the way you agreed, simply because you didn’t know if you would ever be able to live the real thing. However, you could have never expected just how awkward Hunter was when it came to this stuff.
A few minutes after you spoke to the Togrutan shopkeeper, you noticed a burly looking Rodian hovering around the outskirts of the market, which certainly struck you as odd for this particular setting. Rodians weren’t uncommon on Ord Mantell, but you usually saw them in groups, and the expression on this one’s face (and the fact that he seemed dressed for combat) certainly seemed concerning.
After a subtle nod in his direction, you and Hunter began to tail him from a safe distance. Soon however, a clear issue arose: the Rodian had gone down an alley, and it would be considerably more difficult to follow him without raising any kind of suspicion.
Unless of course, he believed you were in the alley for a completely different reason.
With a silent sigh, you resigned yourself to your fate and tried to think of the best way to explain to Hunter what you were about to do. Eventually, you decided that it was probably best not to say anything, and instead just hope to the Maker that he trusted you enough to make the best decisions, and that things wouldn’t be too awkward between you two once this whole evening had concluded.
He looked a little confused as you began to drag him into the alley, because he had clearly weighed the options (and the risk) here. “Trust me,” you whispered, silently hoping that this was the right thing to do. Positioning yourself against the outside wall of a nearby building, you squeezed Hunter’s hand a little tighter and pulled him towards you, all while listening for any snippets of conversation deeper down the alley.
“We can get that to you,” a gruff voice said, and you knew that this was likely the information you were sent here to get. “For 300.”
“Fine. How long is it going to take?”
“A couple rotations maybe, but I’m sure we can work something out if you need it quicker than that.”
In order to keep up the ruse, you couldn’t exactly be taking notes as you listened, but you tried to commit all of that to memory for later. You also hoped that neither party would re-trace their steps towards where you were currently standing, but you weren’t that lucky, and soon you were faced the impending reality of being found out.
“I’m going to do something, and I need you to trust me,” you whispered. Hunter had barely began to nod when the footsteps started to grow closed, and all you could do was grab his face and kiss him.
You weren’t a trained actor, if you wanted a kiss to look real it had to be real (to a certain extent). The shadows offered some form of cover for all this, but it wasn’t enough. You had originally planned to keep an ear out for any kind of trouble, but the fact that Hunter’s lips were so soft, and that you had been dreaming of this moment for quite some time, really made it hard to concentrate. That, and the fact that he had moved both his hands down to rest on your waist as he kissed you.
When you finally did pull away from him (and made sure the coast was clear), you immediately apologized. “I’m sorry for springing that on you, but we didn’t have that much time.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” he said.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make things weird between us and-”
“Y/N,” he said, cutting you off. “Everything is fine.”
You nodded, not sure what else to say. You wanted to kiss him again, but now did not seem like the right time for that. All you could do was hope that one day you would be able to admit how you felt about him to his face, and that he felt the same way about you.
And as the two of you walked back through the market with the intention of heading back to Cid’s, you did realize one pretty important thing.
Hunter was still holding your hand, and it felt a lot more natural this time around.
- the end -
i no longer have a taglist! if you're interested in being notified when i post, you can follow my library blog @ghostofskywalker-library and turn on notifications!
#winterficlets23#tbb hunter x reader#tbb hunter x you#tbb hunter#hunter x reader#hunter x you#sergeant hunter x reader#sergeant hunter x gender neutral reader#sergeant hunter x you#the bad batch x reader#clone trooper x reader#star wars x reader
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Some of My TMNT Hot Takes (PART 2) 🔥
Warning: More Opinions
Part 1 Here
I don’t like that in Mutant Mayhem Donnie is not a “science guy” but instead is more of an anime and pop culture geek. I’m not against him being an anime fan (I love anime too) but I wish we saw more of his science and being a tech genius side instead of him just liking stereotypical “nerdy stuff”. If that makes sense.
I don’t like the Punk Frogs (any version).
The 87 crossover episodes in the 2012 series (as much as I did enjoy them & are great episodes) should not have happened. They leave no real impact or development to 2012’s overarching story and just waste time. These episodes could’ve covered more important things that 202 was desperately lacking like like character exploration and character dynamic development. It was just nostalgic fanservice. The arc in S5 specifically would’ve work better as a movie instead of a 3-4 episode arc in the (most likely non canon) final season.
Shinigami being Mikey’s second love interests ruins her character a bit (for me personally). That was a pointless decision that did NOT need to happen. She would’ve been our first recurring female character to not be a love interest, but nope!
People are allowed to like/ship Donnie x April in ROTTMNT (this is coming from someone who’s not crazy about April being shipped with the Turtles).
I ship Yuichi with 2012 Leo more than Rise Leo (still ship Rise Leoichi, but I just think 2012 Leoichi is way more interesting, plus 2012 Leo deserves a good love interest).
The humans in Mutant Mayhem look ugly af (I know that was probably an intentional design choice but still. It looks bad.)
I hate Raph x Casey (any ver). I’ve stated in part one that I don’t like Raph (any version) being in a romantic relationship with human characters and yes, that meant him with Casey. Not only that but Raph and Casey being a couple ruins their whole dynamic and iconic friendship I love so much. I’m all for friends to lovers but they are a line that should not be crossed. Not every friendship needs to turn romantic.
2012 Karai’s hair looks bad.
Fans often over exaggerate Rise Donnie’s character and badly mischaracterize him in fanfics and fan comics to the point it makes him feel like he’s an entirely different character.
Shinigami should have been revealed to be a villain.
Rise Donnie was just as mean to his brother as fans claim 2012 Raph was to his. Yes, they both do love their families and I’m NOT saying either of them are abus!ce (they’re not), but fans praising Rise Donnie for doing similar things fans criticize/hate 2012 Raph for doing just makes them hypocrites.
Venus does NOT need to be in every iteration of TMNT. It gets kind of annoying when fans keep on saying that she should be in all the other iterations when in truth her presence would not make sense based on the already established canon story. The only (recent) version of TMNT where I think her being included would’ve fit the best and deserved to make her comeback in is ROTTMNT.
The side plot of 2012 Karai being mutated and later getting brainwashed by Shredder was a waste of time and the most boring arc in the series.
2012 April, Donnie and Casey being in a poly relationship does not fix anything with their problematic dynamic and massive flaws with one another. I'm not saying you can't ship all three of them together, you do you! Idc But in reality their relationship would be a train wreck, that's why I personally don't ship 2012 Capriltello.
Renet is probably one of the most powerful allies the Turtles have in the 2012 series.
Rise Donnie would NOT hate 2012 April. He’d go crazy over her psychic powers and want to study them to help her explore them more.
From what I've seen so far, Leo x Usagi seems like the only GOOD ship in the 2003 series (this hot take might change tho).
Raph had the best character arc and development in the 2012 series and changed the most out of the four brothers. Next would be Leo. With Mikey and Donnie have little development (or none at all sadly).
#hot take#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#mutant mayhem#tmntmm#tmnt 1987#tmnt 2012#rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#tmnt 2003#tmnt leonardo#tmnt raphael#tmnt michelangelo#tmnt donatello#april o'neil#casey jones#tmnt karai#tmnt shinigami#renet tilley#venus de milo#yuichi usagi#usagi miyamoto
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Blood all along
Eugene Roe x fem! reader
Inktober "Snow"
Warnings: Mentions of death, blood, war, the usual in this fandom(?.
a/n: well hello! This is a little something that I did for the inktober! I'm not an artist but I thought it would be cute to write a few fics for our favorite boys on this month! Hope you like it!
Btw English is not my frst language so tell me if something's wrong
ofc this is based on the hbo series and the actors who portray the characters, no disrespect for the real heroes!
You hissed in pain as you disinfected the wound on your leg. You were lucky, the bullet had only grazed your skin and the only thing you had to deal with was trying to stop the bleeding that was staining the snow beneath you red.
Bastogne was being a complete nightmare, the air support that arrived a few days ago was not enough and the battalion's medical team was having serious problems helping all the wounded men.
Having to digging in right along the line and repel the German attacks was the worst moment of the war so far and having lost so many soldiers in such a short time was a very strong blow for everyone.
Malarkey, Muck, Penkala and you were inseparable since Toccoa and losing two of your best friends in the same night was so painful for you, especially cause you trained so hard to become a doctor and still couldn't do anything for them. Don talked to you right after what happened, making sure you were okay, but the truth was that he was just or worse affected than you were, and even if Donald Malarkey always knew what to say to lift others' spirits, at that moment the words were stuck on his lips. The only thing he could do was stay by your side, silent and holding your hand tightly.
Everyone in the company noticed your change in attitude after Muck and Penkala's death. Somehow you turned lonely, quiet, and your hands shook when you were near the soldiers' wounds, something that didn't go unnoticed by Eugene Roe, who asked you to step away from the line for a while and try to forget everything that had happened in the last few days.
But forgetting was impossible. Even if your friends hadn't died, you could never forget the warm, viscous feeling of blood on your hands, the smell of gunpowder filling the air or the screams of pain you heard every day, at every second. Now, every time you closed your eyes, the images of the wounded soldiers appeared among a dark cloud that slowly grew bigger and bigger, trying to choke you.
You hissed again, the cold making the wound on your exposed leg sting terribly. You took some alcohol from your backpack and soaked the gauze with it to disinfect the bullet graze. You smiled a little, remembering how you had gotten hurt.
If you had found the third battalion sooner, Babe wouldn't have fallen into that Kraut's foxhole and you wouldn't have to run through the woods with gunfire hot on your heels. It was kind of fun tho, but your leg was swollen like hell.
You heard footsteps approaching your position and without thinking twice you grabbed the knife that you always carried on your belt. You waited for the shadow to become clearer in the snow to attack, but then you recognized the silhouette and relaxed your body.
Eugene walked towards you slowly. His nose was red from the cold and his hands were hidden in the pockets of his uniform. You put the knife aside and continued cleaning the blood. Eugene sat in front of you, noticing the red snow under your feet.
“(Y/N), you're hurt.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“Wait, I'm gonna help you,” he said and rushed to examine the swelling on your leg. You pushed him away “You should've come to me sooner.”
"It wasn't necessary. Don't worry, the bullet didn't hit me. At least not completely. Plus, I'm a doctor too, remember? I can take care of this by myself.”
"Doesn't matter. I wish you'd let me check you properly. Edward told me what happened.”
"Who?" You frowned, not understanding who he was referring to. Then you remembered that Eugene never called anyone by his nickname “Uh, Babe.”
“Yeah.”
“I asked him not to do it, I didn't want you to worry.”
“Well, no matter what happens, I will always worry about you” then he removed your hands from the wound and took the gauze carefully. Roe cleaned your wound and took the time to check that it was indeed a simple bullet graze. He put some ointment on it and blew on your swollen leg for a couple of seconds. You sighed cause the air from his mouth felt like a kiss on your skin and relieved the burning momentarily. You admired the firmness of his hands and the way the blood no longer scared him. He pulled a bandage out of his jacket and started wrapping it around your leg.
“Eugene, how can you stand it?”
He looked up for a second while continuing to manipulate the bandage. “What d'you mean?”
"I mean this. Still standing after everything that has happened."
Eugene stopped. His fingers rested on your bandaged leg and he thought hard for several seconds. He looked at you and could see how broken and tired you were.
"I pray. Sometimes"
“There must be something else” You sniffled, wanting to stop the tears. Eugene sighed, “Something that makes you feel like it's worth staying here.”
“I think there is always something good at the end of the road. I think that… beyond this forest, beyond this frozen hell… there's something that gives purpose to what we are doing. And I hold on to the thought that everything I love will be there when I come back” he said and caressed your cheek “And maybe, with a little luck, I can convince you to come home with me” You laughed through your tears and Eugene squeezed your hand gently. “I'm sorry about Muck and Penkala. I know you feel guilty for not being able to help them, but I'm convinced that they believed firmly in you, and that if it had been different, you'd be there, trying 'til the very end.
Your tears were uncontrollable and Eugene hugged you tightly, he let your pain come out of your chest and let your tears be carried away by the heavy snow that fell from the sky. Roe stroked your hair and kissed the top of your head.
“Everything's gonna be okay and i promise you that I'm gonna take you home,” he whispered in your ear. “I promise, (Y/N), I do promise.”
#dick winters#band of brothers#eugene roe#hbo war#lewis nixon#bandofbrothersedit#carwood lipton#bill guarnere#bob#easy company
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Switched Career AU
I’m aware the name sounds like a sims expansion pack I’ll fix it later
AU info below!
So i got this idea when i was thinking about how younger me misunderstood Alice in the first episode.
I thought that when she said “country boy” she meant he was a cowboy. And i thought this for like a whole year.
And then i thought “What if he was a cowboy?” But thats too easy and boring + They already kinda did that in s4. Not really but close enough (i have enough memes of Cowboy Clay locked an loaded anyway so i think I’ll survive)
So i continued thinking and remembered from the Knights code how Clay said a certain sword was easy enough a child could make it. And i just started assuming he must have some knowledge in weapon making. Cuz why not?
and also! I didnt neglect the other knights for this project! THATS A FIRST!
I gave them minor redesigns, nothing too mayor but still something.
(also all of this is pre-knights academy. So they’re like 15 or sum)
Yet again, just playing with the idea that he works as a blacksmith, providing for him an his brother.
I somehow thought out more for Aaron than Clay??? Big things are happening in Detroit ngl
I have a skit planned with Ruina involved, but more on that later
And for Merlok: guess he just never found him. Or he died. Idk I’ll figure something out later.
Oh and since Merlok couldn’t find him he just kinda grew into his powers, and so did Fletch. They dont know much tho about it and just use it as some sort of minor day to day tool. But they haven’t trained it so its just still kinda uncontrollable at times, remaining heavily linked to emotions.
(All of this still in very early development dont come for me)
I have no clue what Aaron’s dad works as but i just made him a fisherman.
Aaron still craves danger, but the danger of fishing (cuz that shit can be real fucking dangerous let me tell ya that-)
He’s still too younge tho, but he can’t stop talking about it, and how much he wish he could join his dad on his boat (He has snuck on on several occasions but turns out hiding under deck during a storm isn’t a good idea. The only reason he stopped was cuz he’d miss out on the fun part regardless)
Him and Clay are friends, meeting every now and again when Clay and Fletch come and buy fish from his family.
He’s been very excited about taking over the restaurant, already having a plethora of dishes he wants to make (and eat ofc).
He’s friends with Aaron, given they also buy fish from his family. He’s not very familiar with Clay tho. They’ve been at the fish market at the same time once or twice but barely talked. But they still see each other as friends, just not very close
Macy is still, Macy ig? I’m not sure what to do with her. So i just made King Halbert more chill. She takes several combat classes and planning on becoming a fighting queen if anything.
Her and her family are going on a trip through out the kingdom with the Richmonds. On her end its more of a meet and greet thing, but it’s different for Lance.
OG Lance must be quite jealous.
He was sent into the acting industry at a very young age. He thrives in it, taking role after role back to back.
However this next one requieres some sort of reference with the commoners. He joins Macy’s family (Bringing his agent and Dennis with him obv.) as they travel through the country sides of the kingdom. He honestly can’t wait to go home and take a dip in the gold pool.
Idk why this thing kinda makes me sad but oh well, it’s the truth after all.
I am planning on writing this. Like fanfic wise.
But whenever that’ll be out is a mystery.
I haven’t written a fanfic since my wattpad days and AO3 still lowkey scares me.
Also other than Fletch so am i not sure what to do with Ava, Robin or Izzy. So if ya have any ideas, please share, i have no clue.
#nexo knights#art#fanart#nexo knights fan art#lego nexo knights#nexoknights#digital art#clay moorington#nexo knights clay moorington#nexo knights clay#aaron fox#nexo knights aaron#lego nexo knights aaron#nexo knights axl#lego nexo knights axl#macy halbert#nexo knights macy#nexo knights macy halbert#lance richmond#nexo knights lance#lego nexo knights lance#Nexo knights lance richmond#nexo knights au#lego nexo knights au#au
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Good morning! I woke to lovely piece of yours with a Yan!Mayor & Yan!LBD with a fem reader. It was a wonderful piece that didn't stretch too long but left me feeling very happy due to the lack of Mayor/LBDxReader content there is here & anywhere from what I can see. If it's not too much trouble, may I please request a reader who can actually fight back against the Yan!duo?
Maybe she gained immortality because the women of her family had witnessed the Mayor's & LBD's powers generations ago, thus building the subsequent generations after the first witness (maybe someone who also caught the two's attention but managed to escape thanks to SWK, his "you should have stayed buried" line has cemented into my head) saw what they were capable of & feared their return. Generational training & horror stories ensue. The day of the ritual arrives & Mayor comes to collect Y/N but is shocked to see her resilience against Lady's call & chains. Maybe she [Y/N] uses the chains against him & he ends up bound instead? Same with LBD (not Bai He possessed tho, pls). I really think they'd be shocked & intrigued about reader's strength & ingrained tactical knowledge added to resistance to both of them... Might be very interesting~.😈
Bonus points if Y/N says something like "I see why you use chains, Chief; you look so darling all wrapped up~!" or "That is a lovely song you sing, but I am not one for such melodies, Baigujing." [<-LBD's real name] Imagine the reactions!
Sorry for the long read, I'm just so curious to see your spin on this if you wish to write it. Thank you for reading!
P.S. Did you notice that Baigujing & Bai He have the same three-letter-start, 'Bai'???
I can absolutely do that! I’m ngl this is the longest req I’ve had before! (Not trying to be mean :])
I may or may not have taken a bit of inspiration from Naruto with this one, specifically with a “sharingan” kind of ability :3
—this is relatively short bc I didn’t know what much to do auaughhhh—
PS, the amount of times I’ve had to rewrite this bc I wanted it to be PERFECT…
(WARNINGS; SACRIFICIAL RITUAL, KIDNAPPING, IDK WHAT ELSE TO PUT BUT YEAH YOU GET IT)
Being part of a family that had gained immortality and power was not always the easiest.
All your ancestors were always present, if they hadn’t been killed.
Your family had gained partial immortality; meaning they would not die of age. But if they were, perchance, given a life threatening wound, they wouldn’t survive.
But that just made your family more careful of how they used their immortality. Every day in your extravagant home you would witness the generations before you, still walking, talking.
It would be eerie to most. But to you, it was normal.
Another good thing that came from your family with immortality, is that among the generations power grew, you being the recent generations, it was strongest for you. It wasn’t very well combat-wise; but it allowed you the ability to deflect an attack and mirror it just as it was performed.
Your family never explained how they harnessed this. But listening in as a child to your ancestors at the alter briefly mentioned a name; Baigujing.
Your family soon brought you with all cheers to the alter, they had dolled you up with traditional robes of white, holding incense sticks and sage.
It dawned on you.
Your family made a deal for immortality. A sacrificial deal. You didn’t know what to feel. You couldn’t feel anything. You were kept in the dark for so long and for what, to be sent like a lamb to the slaughter.
You had no choice but to let it happen.
How else would your family progress.
A cool most wafted around you, a feeling of floating. It was like you were weightless. When you opened your eyes, you were standing, met with two people, a man. He wore a shockingly wide grin.
“My lady will be pleased with this sacrifice. How pleasing you are.” He hummed in an unstable voice.
Chains shot from under your feet, making you reel back briefly, before honing your ability to deflect and conquer the chains, sending them the man’s way; watching as they coiled around him like snakes and held him still in front of you.
The chains were strong, stronger than any you’ve seen; they emitted a soft, ghostly glow. Joining your hands under your sleeves, you kept a blank stare. “I see why you use chains, Chief;” you muttered, watching him stiffen. “You look quite lovely being held by them.” He could hear the coo in your voice, it made him wonder how this was a possibility.
But he didn’t have the time for that, unfortunately,
As the Lady Bone Demon seemed to materialize just behind him. “And what seems to be the problem,” there was a slight sneer in her voice before she laid her eyes on you. “Ah, our sacrifice. What a beautiful one, a shame.” She’d spoke calmly, releasing the Mayor from his own chains you deflected onto him.
“Come now dear, there is no use in resisting. You were chosen to be killed in return for their immortality.” The Lady Bone Demon hummed, walking circles around you, as if she were gliding.
She tried to latch onto you with a chain of her own, letting out a shocked gasp when the chain came back her way and clamped around her wrist. “What a lovely song you sing. I’m not one for such Melodie’s, Baigujing.” There was an eerie silence.
“I see you have done your research on the two of us; but still hadn’t known your family would sacrifice you to my will.” She spoke calmly, releasing the chain from herself once more.
“My dear, how do you deflect my chains so simply,” Baigujing said with a hiss, walking towards you; that’s when you realized how tall she truly was.
“It’s something I was taught..” you would simply respond back to her. She did not seem to buy it, however. But accepted that nonetheless.
“We are taking her back with us. We will hold the family’s end of the ritual; but we are keeping her.” There was a semi-shocked “What?!” From the Mayor, before he cleared his throat and corrected himself when the Lady Bone Demon shot a pointed glare his way, it shut him up very quickly.
“Come now, my dear. Or shall we have to take you by force.” YIU could only respond with a glare. This made the Lady Bone Demon turn her nose up with a huff, before she grabbed your face and tucked you close to her body, so you would not be able to get away. “Come now, let’s start anew.”
You reeled back your elbow hit her in the rib, making her groan in disdain. The Mayor immediately leapt into action. No, literally. He leapt on top of you and held you down. Sliding his hands up your neck and into your hair, he roughly yanked it back, which earned a strained groan from you.
“That was a horrible mistake, dear. For that we will have to discipline you. Since you wish to do this the hard way, we will treat you as you’ve chosen.” Her words were eerie,
And for as long as you would fight back, the more they would break you down.
#x reader#x female reader#lego monkie kid#yandere lady bone demon#lady bone demon#yandere mayor#lmk mayor#lady bone demon x reader#mayor x Reader#yan lady bone demon x Reader x YAN mayor#ask box#writing requests#lmk
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Shall we dance? - Leo Valdez x Male!Apollo!Reader
(I love gay people, I wish they were real)
(Also this song was my inspiration so definetly check it out if you're into ethnopop)
youtube
Leo was working on his latest project in Bunker 9 when he heard an unfamiliar song a familiar song. He got up from his seat and walked out, the music was coming from the deep woods. It was around 7 pm so he still had a few hours before curfew, he didn’t really expect someone else to be nearby at this time.
As he went deeper into the woods the outline of a certain person got clearer.
Imagine Leo’s surprise when he saw the son of Apollo in the middle, dancing and singing his heart out without a care in the world. Y/N spun around and his eyes landed on Leo’s figure. His face got hotter and he quickly turned the music off.
„Leo! When did you get here? I didn’t hear you.“ He admitted sheepishly.
„Clearly.“ Leo couldn’t help but chuckle. The usually calm and collected male was flustered and shy right infront of him, he couldn’t help but be amused.
„What are you doing here in the dark?“
Y/N rubbed the back of his neck, he didn’t want to admit it but it was evident that Leo has caught him in the act.
„I never have time to do this during the day, you know, with the training and stuff.“ He suddently regained his cool demeanor and flashed Leo a smile. „Your timing is perfect tho, I need a dance partner for waltz.“
Now it was Leo’s turn to get bashful, he wasn’t sure if he heard the boy infront him correctly.
„Haha, you’re real funny you know that?“ He avoided eye contact with the son of Apollo, the ground suddenly looked very interesting.
Y/N approached him with a devilish grin. He grabbed Leo’s chin and lifted him, making him look up at him. Leo stared at him in awe, his eyes sparking and the Moon reflecting on his hair made him look ethereal.
„Please? I really wanna practice, I haven’t danced with a partner forever.“ Y/N pleaded and obviously, Leo couldn’t say no to his puppy eyes even if his heart felt like it could jump out any second.
„Okay fine, just a fair warning: I can’t dance to save my life.“ The taller male let go of his chin and smiled in delight.
„Great!“ He started the song once again and got into position. Y/N placed his right hand on Leo’s hip and his left hand took a hold of Leo’s right. Leo on the other hand (haha funni 🗿) hesitantly put his left arm around the taller boy’s shoulder. This intimate position got him flustered.
Y/N on the contrary couldn’t seem happier even if deep down he was very nervous, he didn’t mean to be so forward but the words left his mouth sooner than he could stop them. If it isn’t the consequences of his own actions but holding the shorter male was more than a welcomed punishment.
„Now, just follow my lead.“ Once the chorus started, he slowly started to move in a 1-2-3 sequence. Leo managed to step on his foot a few times but Y/N just laughed it off. He couldn’t help humming along with the melody.
The son of Hepheastus didn’t think he would enjoy it this much. He was spun on the ground and then lifted in the air and spun again. The best part was undoubtedly when Y/N would bring him closer after every spin. If anyone were to see the two of them like this they would definetly consider it some romantic date.
As they finished dancing the son of Apollo noticed that Leo was uncharacteristically quiet, he thought better than to bring it up. He didn’t want to embarass him any more.
Y/N wiped the sweat from his forehead and smiled at Leo wider.
„Thanks again, you’re not a terrible dancer.“ He chuckled.
Leo brushed his hand through his dark curls and smirked even tho his face was still flushed from both the physical activity and the proximity. „Well, you’re not the worst teacher.“
The h/c-ette stared at him with awe. He shook his head before he spilled his heart and headed towards the direction of the cabins.
„We should head back.“ Neither of them realized it but almost 2 hours passed, time truly does fly when you’re having fun.
„Wait!“ Leo blurted out before he could stop himself and now the taller boy was looking at him. „Can we do this again?“
Y/N’s eyes widened and his mouth was opened slightly, he quickly composed himself and sent a reassuring smile towards Leo’s direction.
„Of course, tommorrow same time?“
„Yeah, sure. Meet me at the Bunker 9.“ He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, a habit when he gets nervous.
„It’s a date then, goodnight, Leo.“ Y/N waved and left the woods.
Leo stood there dumbfounded for like two minutes and then his words hit him.
„Date??“ He quickly pat his ears, the last thing he wanted was the set the woods on fire.
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Giving Doctor Who a New Chance, Part 3: The Giggle
It's nice that they're bringing back some classic villain, but I really wish they had the Toymaker butcher some other language. The gag is just not funny at all when you actually speak German
Ok, that's an illustrative montage of a mightyfine chaos
IDK what I think of this - set it up in a way that it can be reset again.
oooh, Mel is back! As a 6th Doctor fan, I appreciate this. Did not expect that. She still got that perky way of talking.
Having seen the eps he was in, slipping over a bottle of Vodka is exactly like Sabalon Glitz would die, but hey, at least he lived to a ripe old age.
Donna just landed herself a new job. I guess there's that duality in human's fluctuating confidence levels again cause she glibly asks for double but looks ecstatic that it worked
so, Donna doesn't remember in detail, but she got a rough glimpse
the guy playing the Toymaker IS pulling off the creepy clown act pretty well tho
I really liked that scene between Donna & the Doctor in the infinite cabinet with the Doctor re-evaluating his life choices.
That's another thing that's been missing, that fucking Chibnall didn't get - that the point of him, at the end of the day, is that he's just some guy. Somewhat wiser & tougher than a human, maybe, but still fundamentally just dude with wits & confidence. A trickster, a flawed person trying to do the right thing that through trickery ended up with this fearsome reputation. I used to think of RTD not getting it as much as Moffat did cause he did like overly savior-archetype-like plots sometimes whereas moffat emphasized the 'just a madman with a box' angle, but RTD gets it in this scene where we see the Doctor cringing at his past self for things he couldn't have foreseen & now he doesn't know what to do in a world that doesn't follow predictable rules
Because that's what they don't tell you about getting smarter, wiser or even just older - the price you pay for knowing better today is cringing at the awareness you used to lack. thats very real. you end up thinking you should somehow have known or done better even if you couldnt have.
there's certainly some thematic rhyming with the 'narrowmindedness-plague' afflicting the earth
Donna's dad is actually right. Good for him to be wary of the Hot Hand fallacy and its ilk. Missed a chance for an epic nerd reference
I dunno what to think about the concept of 'shift to fantasy', i wouldnt have done that & really turned more to harder & concept fanfiction, but i suppose it keeps thinks fresh without being repetitive (they cant keep destroying and un-destroying gallifrey all the time...) & the show has always been the very softest of sci-fi anyway - at leasts its set up in a way that it can be reset again or let future writers pick whatever they want. though i suppose it depends on how its done like, if possible without wholly throwing out humanist values. You can absolutely be a trickster in a fantasy story or fight crazy things with logic; Infinity train did it to great effect. I mean, the classics had far wonkier stuff like actual Vampires & whatnot.
i appreciate Donna rhyming while defeating the puppet
"jingsaw out of your history" thing imply that the timeless child thing was an in-universe retcon of sorts? Oh please. I mean I could kinda sorta accept 13 is she literally wasn't really the same character.
between this & the last episode it's pretty close anyway to the "every single backstory is true because of timey wimey ball" thing from the expanded universe fixed, on-screen canon. That I could live with. It's potentially deeply interesting that by virtue of getting tangled up in all the timelines the Doctor has in some ways been to many possible futures & possible versions of reality.
Former companions werent affected by the giggle thing cause it was a retroactive change made by the toymaker upon getting free
It's kinda sad that we'll never get to see the battle between the Master and the Toymaker because that must really have been something. Like two Jokers or Phantoms of the Opera fighting.
this is like when Q showed up on the bridge of the enterprise. Only much deadlier. I appreciate that the scene never stops feeling actually menacing.
I like how Mel also comes in to hold his hand, too, she's for realsies. (I guess this is how she makes up for making him drink all that carrot juice)
The "Alons-y" is a niftly little contrast/ bookend with 10s exit
My headcanon is that bi-generation absolutely WAS a myth, but that this is an extension of the whole breach in the logic/edge of reality storyarc being set up here, or really just the Toymaker thinking it would be fun to double them infinitely
I like how the Doctor mocks the Toymaker's fake accent with 'the ball' thing
The advantage with the ball game is, of course, that Fifteen has already seen it. He's fabulous alright.
I appreciate how they climb on each other at some point
I don't envy Kate, watching this absurd thing... humanity already got somewhat good at taking Sci-Fi threats on their own, but this they don't have context for. Maybe UNIT is gonna need a vault of magical artifacts now. I suppose you can play with that for a few seasons. Like how a contrast of fantasy & sci-fi elements worked in Madoka.
I like how Donna is casually putting her arm around 15
I guess 15 has reached that point where rather than cringe at your younger self you're able to have compassion. That's a good arc, actually.
aaand of course there's the obligatory sequel hook for the Master's return, to the surprise of no one
I like how the years with the lost memory weren't completely lost but Donna still learned something from them that allows her to send this message now
Soo Fifteen is basically taking advantage of the cartoon logic still being in effect until the end of the episode to duplicate the TARDIS. I bet it only worked because he picked the silliest possible hammer.
I appreciate how 15 makes sure to get one last Donna hug.
I do like that it kinda came down to self-love, self-compassion & knowing when to take a restorative break & all that. That's an important message these days.
So, the Nobles just deadass adopted the Doctor & Mel. Makes all the sense.
I always thought of Mel & the Doctor's dynamic as sibling-like (as opposed to Peri & the Doctor having a 'tsundere couple' energy & Ace who of course had a teacher/student thing), so I feel vindicated.
Also I appreciate how an older woman who didn't have kids but spent her life traveling & adventuring & doing what she wanted, & then ended up feeling a bit lonely because of it here simply ends up not lonely by finding friends / found family. Cause that's the fucking annoying gotcha they always hurl at you "Oh if you don't have kids & live the life you want you'll be lonely!" As if you can't have friends. Also, plenty of ppl who do have kids wind up lonely because the kids end up hating them.
I'm all for the Doctor catching a break. Very touching, honestly. & he's like actually a point where he wouldn't just run off & get side-tracked or brood on the inevitability of its end. (like he would have when spent those years with River)
Also sets an interesting background for 15 of course, as he'll be coming out of it 'fully rested', in a sense.
So, yeah, I do think I'm looking forward to what 15 will get up to. It was sort of a great way to introduce him in such a way that ppl will instantly like him for how he comforts his past self here.
It's also probably the ideal ending for Donna, cause, much like Rose & Clara she wanted to stay forever, & maybe now that she has a daughter & other responsibilities she won't want the big danger all the time, but the Unit Job & living with the Doctor in a house? That's prolly what she would have wanted.
(I wonder if they'll end up running into Martha & Mickey at her job, since Donna & Martha were buds that time they met. )
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our beloved youth
fate has a cruel way of bringing people in and out of one’s life. be it through weather changes, old memories or what seem to be mere coincidences. Jeno and you parted ways a long time ago, but destiny still has its say in who you end up with.
⋆
pairing // lee jeno x fem! reader; other characters include lee donghyuck (other dream members are mentioned) and aespa’s kim minjeong
genre // fluff; maybe angst? good ending tho; high school au + college au !!; exes to ??? (it’s kinda our beloved summer inspired but like /mildly/); everthing that is in cursive is a throwback !!
word count // approx. 10k
tw // drinking but legal ! (let me know if i forgot any!)
playlist // here
authors note // this one took me a hot minute and i’m not sure if i’m 100% happy with it but i think it’s the best i can do for it at this point! i hope you enjoy it nonetheless! and also sorry for just disappearing haha i’ll try to write more/faster in the future and summer is coming up so, be prepared!
! reminder ! everything i write about on here is entirely fictional and in no way am i saying this is how the boys would act in real life ❥
i. like downpour you come and go
Jeno sighed as the raindrops hit the concrete. He was currently seeking shelter from the violent rainfall at a bus stop. Just moments ago, the sky had been a vibrant blue, and now it was painted all grey. A groan of frustration left the young man when he realized he didn’t bring his umbrella. Just great. He really wasn’t sure why he agreed to meet up with Donghyuck, when he could have spent his day off at home, avoiding the current downpour. But a few days ago, the promise of a beautiful day outside with one of his best friend convinced him. On top of this series of unfortunate events, that albeit were out of his control, irked him incredibly nonetheless, Hyuck had texted him a few minutes ago that he was going to run late. That of course was to be expected, and Jeno had actually taken Donghyuck’s usual fashionably late arrival into consideration when he left his apartment, but he still arrived at the park before his friend did. He just hoped Hyuck would arrive soon.
A notification from his phone crushed this wish, however. He frowned reading the text he had had just received.
Hyuck: Hey sorry man, I think its gonna take me another thirty minutes, the trains delayed because of the rain.
Hyuck: but you could go to the café near the bus stop. They make a mean hot chocolate. Wait for me there. See you.
Getting to the café would be a problem Jeno concluded. There was virtually no way for him to get there without getting completely drenched. However, the thought of good hot chocolate convinced him to sprint over there. Besides, it really didn’t seem like Hyuck had left him any choice, saying he’d meet him there.
Unfortunately, Jeno was not the only one to try to sit the rain out at the café, so it was quite literally packed with people. There was not a single table unoccupied, all the waiters were running around, a little stressed, trying to get every new customer their order. It seemed they hadn’t expected the rain either and were understaffed for the business boom caused by the sudden weather change.
For the third time today Jeno was tempted to let out a dramatic sigh and wish that he had stayed home, but out of the corner of his eye, at the far back of the café he saw a table for two, occupied by one. Normally Jeno wouldn’t go up to a stranger and ask if they could share the table, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
The table was somewhat secluded from the hectic main area of the small café. Jeno was surprised that anyone had spotted it at all. He suspected that the young woman sitting at the table must be a regular and in the café before the rain had started, or else she wouldn’t have been able to secure such a nice, quiet space to finish her work. Jeno approached the table, but with her gaze fixed on the screen of the laptop in front of her, she didn’t seem to notice him advancing in her direction.
Jeno cleared his throat, “Excuse me?”
The second that the young woman’s eyes moved from her work to Jeno, his heart literally stopped. Well, figuratively stopped. He realized that the young woman he had hoped would share her table with him was you. Technically meeting you wouldn’t be such a big deal, if only it hadn’t been so long and if only, he hadn’t left the way he did.
Staring back at him, you looked just as surprised as he did. Eyes wide open and slight confusion written over your features.
“Hi,” Jeno breathed out, “I didn’t realize it was you. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you while working.”
A quick smile was thrown in your direction and then he was ready to turn around and leave. He was honestly just planning on going back out into the rain, which he hoped would wash away the embarrassment he had just felt from this very one-sided interaction. Even though you had had little choice in that matter.
You were too stunned by seeing Jeno again after all these years to immediately react. Your mind was racing quite a bit and you only really comprehended what had happened when you were already faced with the man’s back. So, just like that Lee Jeno reentered your life on a rainy day, just like he once had. This time he was quicker to leave you behind, though. You sighed.
-
May was always especially rainy and on this particular day in May you were incredibly unfortunate. Usually, you always had an umbrella with you, just in case, but you had lent it to a classmate just a week prior, and he hadn’t given it back yet. The morning had already been incredibly suffocating with the humid weather, so your mom reminded you to bring an umbrella to school, but in your morning rush you had forgotten to take an extra one with you. So, here you were standing just beyond the main entrance of your school, willing the downpour to halt, just for your way home, then the rain could fall as much as it liked. You just had to get home. 15 minutes, max.
You were just about to call your mom to pick you up when you, noticed someone with what looked like your umbrella move past you. The audacity some people had. “Hey! You!” you glared and shouted after the figure.
The student came to an abrupt halt, turning around and pointing at himself with a confused look. He was an upper classman, and it was obvious that he was startled by a younger student, such as yourself, talking to him in a demanding manner. Such manner that it made him seriously think that he had wronged the girl in some way.
You ran through the rain to get to the boy as fast as you could, to retrieve your umbrella and give the boy a piece of your mind. Even though it had only been a split of a moment you were out in the rain, you could already feel the fallen water on your skin. Your hair must’ve already curled its way back to its natural state, so you weren’t surprised to see the surprise on Lee Jeno’s face as you appeared in front of him in such close proximity. The umbrella was just big enough to shield both of your bodies from the rain. You must’ve looked crazy.
Even in all of his confusion the thought that you were pretty crossed his mind. Or the thought that you would be pretty had you not such a serious, maybe angry, definitely annoyed expression written over your face. Generally, Jeno thought you were pretty even with such a expression overtaking your features, but since it was directed towards him, he was slightly worried.
“That’s my umbrella.” You stated matter-of-factly.
Normally you wouldn’t talk to an upper classman in such rude fashion, but you had had a really rough day and just wanted to get home not thoroughly soaked. Studying his features, you recognized the boy in front of you. You knew who he was. The whole school knew who Lee Jeno was; stellar student and star athlete. Captain of the school’s Baseball team. You also heard that he was nice and helpful in moments of need. All you needed him to do right now was give back your umbrella.
He looked at you confused, “It’s my friend’s, Park Jisung’s”
Park Jisung. Said classmate you lent your umbrella to a week ago. He had begged you to lend it to him, since he had to carry some comic book, which apparently was worth more than his yearly allowance and Chenle (another one of your classmates) would most definitely kill him if he got it wet. You agreed since you had actually brought extra rainfall protection on that day. Now, of course, you were regretting the decision.
You sighed, “No it’s mine. I lent it to Jisung last week and he hasn’t given it back. See it’s my initials on here.” You pointed to the bottom of the handle, where in neat handwriting your initials adorned the umbrella.
“Oh.”, was all Jeno said. However, he still held onto what was now established to have been your umbrella.
“Well?” you asked expectantly, “Can I have it back?”
“But then I don’t have an umbrella.” He looked at you, brows furrowed.
“That is in all frankness not my problem.” You reached to grab the umbrella from him, but in a swift motion, almost a reflex, Jeno took a step back, leaving you exposed to the heavy rain, mouth open in shock.
Jeno had never pulled someone towards him so quickly. He hoped the grip on your arm wouldn’t leave marks, but when he had taken a step back, to keep the umbrella in his grasp, he hadn’t thought as far ahead as you standing in the rain without anything shielding you from it. In any other scenario Jeno would have blushed, being so close to a girl, but he was just so shocked and surprised with himself to actually comprehend the even closer than before proximity of your body.
“Sorry.” He whispered almost inaudibly.
You scoffed. Was this guy for real? With the added wetness to your school uniform and hair your body began to shiver despite the somewhat warm May temperatures. Now you really wanted to get home. You were about to curse at the boy in front of you when he stripped off his blazer and placed it over your shoulders.
“I’ll walk you home.” He stated, smiling comfortingly, as if it was a solution to all of your problems.
You narrowed your eyes at him, “No.” Jeno’s eyes went wide at that, never once had someone rejected his offer to walk them home. He himself thought it was sweet to do such acts of service. Before he could rephrase his offer and explain what he had meant, you continued, “I’ll walk you home.”
Now Jeno was blushing.
ii. flowers are a gift from the earth. and a reward from me, for you
It was a slow day. In every aspect. Spring break meant that there were barely any university students in town. Well, barely any but you. You were working in an empty shop, while it was the most beautiful day outside. You sighed, seeing the beams of light come through the glassy front of the shop which overlooked a small square. You loved to work in the flower shop, really. It was one of the best jobs you’ve had so far. You loved interacting with the customers, creating beautiful bouquets to give to their loved ones. You thrived off of the love, as well as the general distraction from whatever was going on in your life. That’s why, on days like these, when it was just you and the flowers, both doomed to observe the sunny outside world, your mind wandered to places you’d rather it didn’t.
The short and coincidental interaction you had with Jeno just a few days ago occupied your mind more than you had hoped it would. It seemed like he couldn’t get away fast enough. It was obvious that he hadn’t recognized you at first, but it would be a lie for you to say you hadn’t done everything in your power to distract your mind from him the second he had stepped into the shop, all disgruntled and annoyed from the rain. Your first instinct was to laugh about it and wave him over, as if he was here to see you. Thankfully you were able to muffle that instinct as soon as it rose up from deep inside of you. The distraction part was also going fairly well, until the young man decided to march right up to and ask something, you weren’t really sure what it was, just to turn around within five seconds, giving you no time to react. It was a little overwhelming seeing him again after all this time.
When you had told your roommate Minjeong about it, she burst out laughing. But upon seeing your expression she placed a hand on your back. Her face turned from teasing to empathetic and almost worried within a split-second. A small smile its way onto her face, “Still hurts, huh?”
You just nodded, bringing your knees up to your chest and sighing once more, to let all of the unspoken feelings out, without actually speaking them still.
The truth was back when Jeno and you parted ways, it was sort of mutual. Sort of because, while you didn’t not want to be what you were right now, Jeno’s points and worries made sense. He was graduating high school a year before you were, going to university kind of far away. So, you decided to break up, if you can even call it that since technically you were never officially each other’s significant other. Still, you considered yourself to be Jeno’s, and you were sure he considered himself yours as well. Back then it was easy for all of your girlfriends to paint Jeno as the villain, giving him dirty looks at school, for the little remaining time he was still roaming your school’s hallways. You knew it couldn’t have been easy for him either.
It still was easy enough for him to leave town without a last goodbye, though. When you found out from Jisung that Jeno had left right after graduation, and didn’t say a final goodbye, or anything at all really, it was easy to believe the words your friends had to say about him. And for a time, you did. But soon the anger turned into hurt, which eventually got more and more dull until you barely noticed it on a day-to-day basis. Only certain things, sounds, smells brought back the memory of your love that never really got to be what could have been. Well, could have, would have, should have, didn’t.
So here you were, wallowing in your first, and so far, only love that mattered. All of this made you just sadder so, to make it go away you decided to just let your head rest on the counter before you. It smelt like fresh cut flowers even more intensely than the shop already did. Trapped in your busy brain you didn’t notice the bell at the door ring.
“Is the shop closed?” an unsure male voice called from the entrance.
You were quick to react, happy that there was someone to take your mind off of Jeno, “Nope. No. I’m here. Sorry.” You said, lifting your head quickly off the table.
You had to stifle a laugh when you saw who had stepped into the flower shop. Was this fate playing some incredibly vicious joke? Whatever you had done in your past life must’ve been quite the crime, you concluded.
In front of you stood none other than Lee Jeno, who to be fair looked just as bamboozled to see you. You let out one sigh before saying a soft greeting to the man. Now that he wasn’t running away from you, you could study his features. He hadn’t changed much. The main difference was merely his more adult look, but put him in a school uniform and boom, you’d be back to being 17 and in love with the kindest, sweetest boy you had ever met.
Your heart ached at the thought that he was probably here to buy flowers for his girlfriend, nonetheless, you had to keep the business going, “What can I get for you today? Something pre-made or would you rather select the flowers for your own bouquet?”
Jeno was taken aback by your professional /read cold/ behavior. Despite the polite smile on your face, he couldn’t recognize any of your warm, welcoming expressions from high school (experienced by Jeno only after he had given back your umbrella, of course). Then again, basically running away from you last week couldn’t have helped his cause. Other than the change in expression towards him you still looked just as graceful as you did in high school.
When Jeno had first noticed you back then he was far from brave enough to talk to you. He knew you were friends, well classmates, with Chenle and Jisung, but he still struggled to find a reason to introduce himself to you. That’s also why he thanked a higher power for the unexpected downpour that one day, as well as everything else that followed.
“I’ll just take the one with the sunflower. But could you please wrap it?” he spoke softly, as if he was asking you to do an impossible task. The impossible task of wrapping up his new girlfriend’s flowers?
You just hummed softly, taking the bouquet off the stand, and bringing it to the back of the counter. For Jeno the silence was suffocating, for you it was welcome. You were focused on working right now anyways. Concentrating on getting the flowers wrapped as gently as possible.
“How have you been?”
Jeno’s question caught you by surprise. You halted your current actions and looked at him. It wasn’t a necessarily unhappy look, but Jeno still felt exposed under your gaze. Well, besides the fact that he had just interrupted your delicate wrapping of his bouquet, as well as practically sprinted out of a café at the sight of you, you just weren’t sure what he was looking for with asking the question.
Jeno was tense looking at you, looking at him, but after a moment or two your features softened, and you turned your attention back to his purchase. You nodded softly, “I’ve been good. Busy. Good-busy, though.”
Jeno let out a relieved sigh, “That’s good.”
You threw a small smile in his direction, finishing up the packed bouquet and handing it to him. He politely thanked you as he took it from you, paid, and with that he was out the shop.
You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, bringing a cooling hand to your cheek you tried to calm your nerves, before tackling the cleaning of the stray leaves and blossoms that decided they didn’t want to be part of Jeno’s bouquet.
You picked up one of them and brought it closer to your eyes, to get a better look at it before softly whispering, “the others are traitors, thank you for staying.” You then proceeded to giggle at your own silliness before actually continuing to tidy up.
What you didn’t know was, that Jeno was watching you through the window. He smiled at your habit of being soft and vulnerable when you thought no one was watching. You used to do that a lot, however, Jeno almost always got to sneakily witness those moments. There even was a time you would act that way around him without hiding. Of course, he couldn’t hear what you had said, if he had he probably wouldn’t have come to the conclusion that you were happy, but you looked happy.
-
You: smiling. Over the past two weeks Jeno had been fortunate enough to be able to see you like that a lot more often than he was used to. He was also lucky enough to have gotten to know you better ever since that fateful day in the rain. Now, here he was on your second date, well hang out, watching you ramble on about anything and everything while sipping on the Capri Sun you had brought to share. Initially, you had brought two, of course, but Jeno had already finished his and you had offered him another sip from yours, so he had stolen one or two from your pack as well. You said it was ok.
“If I fail my history test tomorrow, it’s totally your fault.” You stated as you happily strolled along the park, not at all worried about said test, Jeno noted.
You two were actually supposed to study. The both of you had another two tests just before a short break. Your history test was dreaded by all the students of your grade, and Jeno, having already taken the test, suggested he’d help you study for it. From the beginning you suspected you wouldn’t get a lot of studying done and that the plans with Jeno would definitely stir up your whole day. Actually, you were quite sure that Jeno would stir up your whole life, turn it upside down.
“You won’t fail the test. It’s pretty easy actually, I don’t know what all the fuss is about.” He chuckled to himself. He had scored a 93% last year, and from what he had gathered he was sure you were a lot smarter than him, “besides, it’s so nice outside today. It’d be a tragedy if we spent it cooped up in the library all day. Consider this a short break, we are only stretching our legs for a minute.” Jeno proceeded to dramatically stretch his limbs, groan and sigh, leaving you giggling, shoving him lightly.
“Ok mister, I play video games all night but can’t sit still two hours to study without my body getting stiff.”
“I actually move quite a bit when I play video games!”
“Oh, I’m sure you do.” You laughed. Despite being slightly worried about the exam, it was nice taking a break. Or taking the rest day off, as you suspected it would turn into a full-afternoon-adventure.
“Tell you what, I’ll ask you one of the most asked history questions ever, and if you get it right, you stop worrying about the test and embrace the afternoon plus I will give you this daisy,” he quickly picked up the tiny flower from the grass beside the walkway, “and if you don’t get it right, you definitely need the break because there’s no way you will get this wrong.”
“So, either way we’ll spend the afternoon not studying?”
“It’s called self-care” he smiled his infamous eye-smile. You shook your head; it was foul play. Jeno knew you were weak for his smile. Well, he probably knew you were weak for him.
“Okay. Shoot. What’s the question?”
“When was Rome founded?”
You laughed, “You really think Mr. History Teacher is going to ask questions like this?”
“Sounds like you’re avoiding answering. You’re right, Y/N, maybe you should be worried.” He dramatically shook his head.
“753 BC. Idiot.” You glared at him while he just smiled, proud that you knew your romans.
Jeno grabbed your arm the get you to slow down and halt in front of him, “Don’t you want your reward?” he smirked.
Your cheeks were burning and judging by Jeno’s smirk, he knew what he was doing to you. Ever so slowly, he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, and moments later placed the daisy behind it. He looked at you as though you were the most precious painting in the world. You whispered a small thanks and then the two of you continued you way through your study-free, sun-filled afternoon.
As time went on, you talked about all sorts of things; Your families, music, and goals after graduating. (After all you hadn’t really known each other for all that long.) The last topic left a bittersweet taste in Jeno’s mouth; He was excited about finishing high school, sure, but you had another whole year of school before you, and while your maybe-relationship (?) was incredibly premature and the two of you were only getting to know each other for now, Jeno knew how he felt. He knew how much he liked you, and he just didn’t want to stop anytime soon. Or ever. But for now, break was coming up and Jeno was sure to remind you to make time for him. It made your heart flutter. The attention Jeno gave you was unlike any other you had ever gotten before. Looking back, you were so happy that Jisung didn’t give back your umbrella right away (or ever really). You smiled contently as you walked side by side the last rays of golden sunlight warming your skin. A small smile adorned your lips as Jeno casually slipped his arm around your shoulder to pull you closer.
“It’s gonna get chilly soon, we should preserve the warmth.” He was blushing slightly. Since the umbrella incident Jeno had managed to control his blushing a little better, only turning three to four shades redder when he came in sudden contact with your body. He wouldn’t have it any other way though, it confirmed his feelings, and he liked the butterflies.
So as expected and promised, the short study break turned into an afternoon full of laughter, every thought of history cast aside except the one you were making for your own lives. With the golden light fading and the sky slowly turning into a twinkling, tiny polka-dot pattern, Jeno dropped you off at home. The warmth of the day had subsided, but you didn’t even notice the change of temperature as a gentle kiss was placed onto your cheek, warming you up from the inside out.
You hadn’t even properly processed the kiss, before the boy made another swarm of butterflies erupt inside of you, “Hey Y/N? If you get a higher mark on that history test, I’ll buy you real flowers, okey? But if my score ends up being higher, you’ll buy me some!”
You chuckled, your hand finding the daisy behind your ear. Challenge accepted.
iii. let me hold your hand, so you don’t fall for someone else
Days were long, boring, and filled with thoughts of you. Jeno hadn’t actually seen you since that day at the flower shop, yet he seemed to see you everywhere. Daisies blooming, umbrellas everywhere, and hell, Donghyuck’s new dorm room was room Nr. 753. (so technically he was also thinking of ancient Rome?)
When Jeno had first told Hyuck about his little encounter at the coffee shop, he burst out laughing and kept bringing it up throughout their whole meet-up. Most of Jeno’s friends had always been Y/N-enthusiasts, so Jeno was sure there was some hope, some hidden agenda in Donghyuck’s continuous mentioning of you. It would’ve been a lie for Jeno to say that you and everything he had felt, he feels, for you was in the past, so he chose not to talk about you at all.
It was hard. Especially after seeing you again in the flower shop, all he wanted to do was tell Hyuck how happy you looked, and how bad he felt for wanting to be included in your happiness. However, he didn’t deserve to have such demands after leaving. Back then you were determined to make things work and Jeno was quite overwhelmed with the ending of his childhood. Staying friends is what he suggested, and although he could see that it hurt you, you agreed. But in the end, it wasn’t what Jeno wanted at all. He was in love with you, he just wasn’t sure how to handle such strong feelings in a time of such change. And thus, he just left. Friends don’t leave their friends without saying goodbye. Not when they go home after a movie marathon and certainly not when they leave for university. Sending a message was the least he could do, and he typed it out, but he just never hit send.
In any case, Jeno was sure your happiness was more than complete, even without him. So as Donghyuck was putting the flowers Jeno had gifted him into a vase, and he kept teasing him about how it was sweet that he knew each of the guys’ favorite flower, Jeno was thinking of you. And as the small dorm filled with the rest of their friends, he was thinking of you. And as he walked home that night, he was thinking of you. And the next day, he was thinking of you.
The first time Jeno really wished he could stop thinking of you was a rather unexpected one. Jeno would’ve bet his throwing-arm on the certain emptiness of the library during spring break. There was virtually no way anyone else would be between the bookshelves, except for the people that actually worked at the library of course.
In an attempt to simply lower the volume of the tiny voice inside his head that kept chanting your name, Jeno decided to stop by the library to pick up a few books he would be needing for upcoming essays and whatnot. The bike stands in front of the building were almost empty. Only few bicycles scattered around the metallic constructs, some put up properly, others toppled over. Jeno was almost certain that the bikes were either placed there for a quick stop to the convenience store on the other side of the road, or that they had already been there and not been moved for the majority of the semester. In any case, Jeno was counting on the library being empty, as well as it being a quick visit of picking up books and then getting back to his apartment and possibly calling up the boys for an afternoon in the park.
The cool air-conditioned atmosphere and the smell of books welcomed Jeno as the doors slid open, inviting him in. The old lady working at the front desk was sitting comfortably reading a book; a good sign for no one being in the library, no books to put away. It was also quiet. Well, it was a library after all. But during the semester, when the library was full of desperate students, there were always some sounds, even if it was only the turning of pages. The lady barely acknowledged Jeno as he walked past her determinedly. Jeno knew where the books were that he needed so he didn’t need her until he was actually checking them out.
Strolling through the rows and rows of bookshelves, Jeno couldn’t help but feel some sort of comfort. This was an environment he knew pretty well; it was also because outside of baseball, Jeno never really did much but study. Of course, he had hobbies like gaming and hanging out with his friends, but he also cared about his grades, so he always made sure to have enough time to study. Days like these would’ve been a portal straight back to the past if it wasn’t for the lack of you. Jeno shook his head at his thoughts wandering off towards your direction once again. He sighed, sliding the last book he needed off the shelf and turning back to head towards the exit.
Just as he was about leave the aisle of books, he spotted someone familiar sitting at one of the tables. He had to refrain from audibly sighing. From what he could tell, you sat alone at one of the tables at the far end of the so-called study space. The window front let in enough light for students to not get sleepy during their endless hours of studying, and at this very moment your gaze was turned towards the outside world. Jeno just stood and stared for a second. Was this really happening? Running into you for the third time in only 2 weeks, this must be some sort of sign, right? Divine intervention to get you back to him. But just as Jeno worked up enough courage to go say hi to you, invite you out to coffee maybe, just as he had gotten his legs to work again, as he took the first step in your direction, a head popped up beside yours. A male head.
Jeno once again stopped and stared. Your mouth turned into a smile as the young man next to you whispered something into your ear. Shaking your head, you shoved him back into his seat and he once again disappeared behind the wall. Looking at the scene now, it was clear that you weren’t alone; Two bottles of water were placed on top of the table in front of you, numerous textbooks were stacked on top of each other, none of them for your major and at an even closer inspection, you were reading a novel. So, you weren’t studying at all, simply accompanying your… boyfriend? You kept smiling at the guy in front of you, you kept giving him the attention Jeno wanted, the attention Jeno once had, the attention he had lost. He appeared once more from behind the wall and grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours.
Had Jeno stayed a moment longer, had he not turned around the second the other male’s fingers wrapped themselves around yours, he would’ve seen you pulling your hand from his grasp and sticking your tongue out to your friend in mockery. But he didn’t. So Jeno concluded that this was not a sign for him to talk to you. This wasn’t divine intervention to get the two of you back together. It was the message for him to move on. So, as he checked out his books, he tried not to think about you. Walking back home, he tried not to think about you. Entering his apartment, he tried not to think about you.
Jeno wasn’t used to not succeeding at things. He had always done fairly well with everything, so why was this any different. If only he had held onto your hand a little bit longer, if only he had held it a little bit tighter, then maybe you wouldn’t be falling for someone else.
-
“Y/N” a soft voice woke you from your sleep. In all honesty you weren’t entirely sure when you had fallen asleep but the position of your head on the book in front of you, as well as the pain in your neck, indicated that it wasn’t an intentional nap. You hadn’t fully opened your eyes yet, when another statement was made by the soft voice, “You’re drooling allover your novel.” With a surprising speed your hand flew to the corner of your mouth checking if what was had been said was true (it was not), but you were only met with a giggling Jeno.
“Ha ha. Very funny, Jeno, thank you so much for the entertainment. I should hire you as my alarm.”
“Does that mean I get to wake up next to you every morning?”
You playfully rolled your eyes in an attempt to control the butterflies in your belly.
The two of you had spent the afternoon in the school-library. Jeno studying for his final exams and you reading. The afternoon quickly evolved into nighttime and looking outside now you were met with a pitch-black darkness, that did not look welcoming at all. Observing the outside, you let out a sigh, sleep still heavily clouding your brain.
Jeno on the other hand was looking at you, smiling. Before you fell asleep, he couldn’t get any studying done because he loved watching your facial expressions while you read. After you fell asleep, he couldn’t get any work done because he was busy just staring at you and listening to you breathe. There was a small smile on his features at all times, he noted to not invite you along to (serious) study sessions again.
Only then did you realize that Jeno had already packed up all of his things, “Are we leaving already? I’m not tired at all I could do this for another 3 hours minimum!” you smiled up at him, stretching your arms theatrically.
“Okay sure, sleepy head, but what you’re forgetting is that you have a curfew, and as the responsible young man that I am, I shall bring you home at least fifteen minutes before then.” He stated, smiling at you, and reaching out his hand for you to grab.
You checked the time, and it was true, your curfew was coming up rather fast and you really had to get home. You placed your hand in his and watched as his fingers wrapped around yours, the warmth from his hand spreading all the way to your heart. Too focused on the love you had for the boy in front of you, you didn’t realize that apparently your legs weren’t completely awake just yet, resulting in the first step being somewhat off? And then the next one had you stumbling completely. So, two steps in and you were already on your way to hit the floor.
But thank God for Lee Jeno. Thanks to him and his incredibly strong arms as well as very nice reflexes he caught you just in time spinning you towards him instead of the ground. Both of your eyes were big in surprise, staring back at each other. You opened your mouth in an attempt to thank him but his lips forming into themselves into a grin, made you reconsider your words for another moment. And that resulted in Jeno being faster with his reaction to the incident.
“Falling pretty fast for me, huh?” he smirked.
Your lips turned into a smile, “That totally ruined the moment just now, do you know that Lee Jeno?”
“Oh no not the government name.” He feigned fear, opening his mouth, and widening his eyes. This expression was soon replaced by what you could tell was a genuine smile, “You’re not going to move away?” he asked, suddenly somewhat shy.
Too caught up in Jeno’s joke and the general situation to have actually moved away, you hurriedly took a step back to give the boy in front of you some space. But before you foot could even hit the ground again, Jeno pulled you in once more, smiling. He promptly placed a soft kiss on your forehead (something he had seldom done before, especially in public!) and then placed his arm around your shoulder, leading you out of the library.
“Let’s get you home, sleepy head.”
You were sure your face was glowing with all the blushing it had been doing in the past moments. While the heat radiating from it welcomed the cooler night-air, the fresh air did little help to calm your racing heart.
iv. let’s stray alone
The world was spinning. Moving too fast and it seemed like you just couldn’t catch up with it. Your brain wasn’t doing you any favors by making everything blurry. Maybe downing that last drink wasn’t the greatest of your ideas. Your feet halted for a second as you tried to stop the carousel that seemed to be the ground for a second. You had to get yourself together in order to get home as soon as possible.
You had gone out for drinks with some of your friends and not planned on getting this intoxicated. There really wasn’t any occasion for your celebration, although it is important to say that Minjeong referenced to the evening as a mourning-party for you, since you clearly had fallen once again for Lee Jeno. You really wanted to contradict her, and you almost did, but then again you knew there was no point in lying to your best friend. She had observed you each and every day since Jeno came into the flower shop, thus Minjeong knew exactly what was going on. Contrary to its name, the outing today was actually supposed to keep your mind off your high school romance and keep the mere idea of men out of all your brains. It was doing a pretty good job (which was surprising since most of Minjeong’s Missions ended in chaos) until Lee Donghyuck walked into the bar of your choice. And thus, chaos spread. At least in your mind.
“You gotta be kidding me.” Minjeong sighed. Confused you followed her gaze. At the sight of your former school mate, you almost had to laugh. “There’s no way Jeno will show up, is there?”
“Lee Jeno is haunting you, Y/N” one of your other friends said giggling.
“It’s fate! Destiny! I’ve always said Jeno was your soulmate” another one chimed in, excited at the thought of your romance.
Minjeong scoffed, “Jeno doesn’t deserve Y/N, not after the way he left.” She turned to you, “You okay, bubs? We can leave if you want?”
While you appreciated Minjeong’s offer, you knew she had wanted to go a club after this, so in a swift motion you gulped down the drink in front of you and shook your head, “I don’t want to spoil anyone’s fun. I’m just going to go home and relax there, where the possibilities of running into Jeno are zero.”
“Never say never!” your friend chimed in making, most of the girls at the table laugh and you roll your eyes.
Minjeong just nodded along, watching you slip on your jacket. “You sure you don’t need me to walk you home? You know it’s not far, I can be back in like 30 minutes. You had quite a few drinks.”
It was true, your apartment wasn’t far, and you really had a few drinks, but with flushed cheeks and a small smile you declined her once again and headed to the door. You risked one last look back at where you saw Donghyuck, regretting it instantly. He was watching you, knowing him, he probably had been for quite some time. He offered you a smile, which of course you reciprocated. You had always liked Jeno’s friends. They were incredibly welcoming in high school and in the couple of years where Jeno was playing baseball out of town, you had seen them a few times and caught up a bit. But now with his apparent return to your hometown and thus the possibility of Jeno showing up any second, and further confusion for you and your apparently not gone feelings for him, you decided to just throw Hyuck a small wave. Finally, you escaped from a for your heart potentially difficult situation.
So here you were: Drunk, almost home and most definitely scared of still being in love with Lee Jeno.
You remember your mom telling you once that cool night air is the best remedy for intoxication, and up until this starlit night you would have stood by this, but tonight it seemed to not work its magic at all. Sitting down on a park bench just behind your apartment building you let out sigh looking up at the sky. Bad idea. Who would’ve thought that looking up would actually make the spinning worse? Quickly you lowered your head and stood up again deciding it was time to finally get to your apartment.
Taking the way you had, meant you had to go through a sketchy ally which then led straight to the entrance of your building, and it was also where the stray cats lived. You smiled to yourself thinking of the many days you stopped by to feed them and got some cuddles in return. Not all of them loved you, of course, but you were proud to say that all of them at least tolerated you (meaning none were hissing at you anymore). Turning the corner, you were still smiling about your furry neighbors, Jeno somewhat forgotten at the thought of getting to pet them.
You were pulled out of your thoughts as your feet came to an abrupt halt. The cats were there. But there was also someone else. Crouched down, stroking the kitties as they happily munched on what you could only presume was provided by the host. Your breath hitched, suddenly everything you did was too loud, and you could swear any second now he would turn around and see you just standing there, watching him like a creep. No. Nope. You were definitely too drunk to talk to Jeno right now. As well as too fragile, if you were being honest.
Carefully and quietly, you took the few steps back behind the corner you had just turned. You breathed out. The guarantee of invisibility thanks to the wall allowing you to gather your thoughts. Arguing with yourself whether or not you should just go up to Jeno, you took a peek. He was now sitting on the road, one of the cats settled comfortably in his lap. You didn’t have to see his face to know what look was on it. A soft smile spread across your features as you watched the boy you once came to love interact with the cats that have brought you comfort countless of times. You hoped he found comfort in them too. You heard Jeno let out a small sigh, barely audible, as he played with one of the kittens.
Caught up in his own thoughts Jeno was happy to have stumbled upon the strays. He was on his way home, after dinner with the guys. Donghyuck had insisted on them getting drinks later, but Jeno had refused, alcohol wouldn’t help his aching heart and he would end up drunkenly calling you or worse running into you, with his luck. Of course, he didn’t tell Donghyuck that, who would just insist on him tagging along. Jeno knew deep inside he wanted to run into you again, just so that he could finally tell you everything he’s been holding inside, how sorry he is he left the way he did, how much he has been thinking about you and most importantly how he never stopped being in love with you.
Who knew he would unknowingly end up in front of your apartment? Fate had its ways.
“What am I going to do, huh?” he asked the cat in front of him. Looking around Jeno had come to the conclusion that somebody was taking care of them; toys were lying around, and water bowls stood filled up to the brim. “Someone’s been taking good care of you. Hopefully they show you all the love you deserve. I’m sure you take good care of them, too. You think someone will take care of me too?” Jeno chuckled at the silliness of talking to cats about his troubles. But his heart was heavy, and he wasn’t used to feeling this way. The past years he was doing okay, thinking of you every now and again, having fond memories together and re-awakened the occasional butterflies, but now? The thought of you brought a longing and regret.
Jeno had no idea that you were watching him. I mean how would he know? Hidden behind a wall was not only you, but your heart as well. Hearing Jeno say these words confused you more than ever. Only a few years ago you were sure you and Jeno would end up together, now? You were hoping for it deep down, but you weren’t entirely sure how to go on about it. It was just a little more complicated than either of you had anticipated.
-
The first stone for the wall around your heart was set when Jeno asked you to talk. Technically that wasn’t too out of the ordinary. The two of you always talked but it was the way he phrased it that worried you. It was how he didn’t grab your hand pulling you away from your friends, how he didn’t place his hand on your lower back to lead you outside, and most importantly it was how reluctantly he spoke and how he didn’t really look at you.
Just days ago, the two of you were smiling and laughing together. The feelings you felt for the boy were so intense, almost overwhelming, but you wouldn’t have had it any other way. Back then, you wanted to tell Jeno you loved him. (You didn’t verbally, but he knew. Exactly how you knew he loved you.)
Now, here you were standing in front of the boy you loved, who was avoiding your gaze at all costs. Deep down you were hoping he was just nervous to /finally/ ask you to be his girlfriend, but you knew that wasn’t why he wanted to talk.
“Is everything okey?” stepping forward you tried to seek out eye contact, growing more worried by the second. Over the past few months, you had gotten to know Jeno quite well, and while it was a fairly trouble-free time, you had experienced him worrying. Mainly about the future and how his childhood was coming to an end. But this was different. Jeno was afraid of losing you, that had always remained unspoken. But now, he just wasn’t sure how to make things work.
“I’m not sure how we should go on about this.” He still wasn’t looking at you directly, which only added to your nervousness.
“What do you mean exactly?” You blinked confused, taken aback by the statement. You weren’t exactly sure how he expected you to react to this. You understood his worries, however you always figured you were going to come up with some sort of plan together, that maybe during summer you were going to work things out together.
“I think, I think we should just be friends.” Jeno thought his voice gave away that this wasn’t what he really wanted. In the end he wasn’t entirely sure why he was doing what he was doing. It’s not like it was the lack of feelings that proposed a problem but rather the overwhelming love he felt for you. Everything was a lot, it was just too much, and no matter how cruel it sounded, you were the thing he could get rid of most easily. He couldn’t stop time from moving forward, he couldn’t not graduate and not go to college. So not pursuing the love he had for you was the easiest way to lessen the weight of change. Even though it was the last thing his heart wanted him to do.
“Oh.” At first you were just relieved that he was alright. But then the reality of what being friends implied hit you, “Right.” You breathed out.
Jeno’s eyes met yours for the first time. Jeno could see you close yourself off towards him. He tried to explain everything he was feeling as best he could, without hurting you any further and without admitting his feelings making things even harder for the both of you. He tried to lessen your weight as well. But you just nodded along to what he was saying, gaze fixed on a spot on the floor. Jeno could see you holding back tears, he too, was trying to stay composed, keeping up the façade of doing this for the ‘greater good’. It was just the easy way out, really.
“Are you okey?” his voice was soft, as though he was handling something incredibly fragile, which in some ways he was.
At last, you looked at him with a small smile on your lips, but not one that spread warmth around his heart. This smile was distant. A single tear escaped your eye, but you were quick to wipe it away, “Well, I can’t say it is what I would have wanted, but if it is what you want, there’s not much I can do, right? So,” you tilted your head and smiled a tad bit wider, still not fooling Jeno, “Friends?”
It wasn’t what he wanted. It wasn’t what he wanted at all, but at the same time he really didn’t know what else to do. He knew you weren’t going to force him to do something he didn’t want to do, but it still hurt to hear you say that this is not what you wanted. It laid out the blame loud and clear. And you were right. You thought that this was something the two of you would talk about together. That the process of figuring Jeno’s post-graduation was something the two of you would do together. So, in the end he made a decision you should’ve made together, alone.
The thought of being friends with Jeno while still feeling all this love for him was almost impossible. Comical even. And when he left a week later without saying goodbye, you realized it was impossible for him too. Jeno never wanted to be your friend, he just wanted out and that you couldn’t understand.
v. fate has its ways
Things had been quiet for the past two weeks. The lack of Jeno gave you time to think clearly without freaking out too much. Honestly, at first you were surprised by how much of an effect he still had on you, but after reminiscing in the memories you had with him, you were impressed by not being affected by it more. The good memories made you excited at the thought of meeting Jeno again on accident. You realized pretty soon into your Jeno-escapades that you had forgiven him, that his presence was ever missing from your life. And besides, were many things remained unspoken between the two of you.
Fate definitely was playing games with your heart, since now that you were hoping to see Jeno, you didn’t. Just after he had scrambled up you and your life again, and you were starting to feel happy about it again, he disappeared. Not that it was his fault that you stopped running into him, but every corner you turned you were looking for him, every time the bell at the flower shop rung, signaling a new customer had entered, you hoped it was him, and at every little disturbance at the café you hoped it was Lee Jeno who was pulling you out of your thoughts. Of course, it never was him, always leaving you disappointed, looking for someone who you once loved and were ready to love again. Fate really was cruel.
For Jeno the world was spinning. When Donghyuck had told him that you were at the bar that night, his decision not to go felt like the worst decision anyone had ever made. It felt like missing the jackpot of the lottery by one digit, like bingo, but someone else said it faster. He doubted every decision he made, that didn’t lead him to the bar that night. From what Hyuck had told him, you had left almost immediately after he had arrived, why he didn’t know. But Hyuck had described you as very tipsy so maybe that was the reason why you left? He chuckled at the possibility of experiencing you drunk although he hoped you had gotten home safe that night.
So, Jeno too kept looking for you, everywhere. Although he was not quite as determined to talk to you as you were to talk to him, he longed for your presence in his life and the sunshine it had once brought. He didn’t expect you to be the exact same person as you were in high school (who would be after so many years?), but he was certain that you had only gotten even more perfect over the time you had spent apart, though he wasn’t entirely sure how that would even be possible.
With days filled with the thought of you in addition to his college student responsibilities, the weather had turned warm, and summer was approaching as quickly as ever. Time had gone by much more quickly than usual and Jeno wanted to stop wasting it without you.
-
Cicadas. The sound of summer. Even in the city they played their music day and night. It never really was quiet in your hometown, too many students celebrating too many occasions. There was always someone playing music too loudly from some corner of your neighborhood, so hearing the loud sounds of the cicadas was refreshing. It was like a welcoming greeting whenever you left your apartment in the evening. Minjeong had left to visit her family over the weekend, which for you meant that you had little to no motivation to cook for yourself. Of course, you still had to eat so you decided on stopping by the store just by your apartment building for some instant dinner.
You were happy on days like these; You had been productive enough to treat yourself to something, yet you hadn’t let the day go by without stopping to enjoy the small moments like listening to the cicadas or lingering on the balcony, in the sun for a moment longer than you normally would have. Jeno crossed your mind every now and then, memories resurfacing you hadn’t realized you even remembered. The semester was coming to an end for the first time in a while you weren’t too confused about your feelings, so you were content.
You sat down on a table inside, overlooking the small crossing in front of the store. You had your food in front of you and looking at it, it felt like a reward. After a day of studying for your final exams all you really needed was good food and a cold iced tea to be happy. So, enjoying your food, you watched life pass by outside, focused on the lives of passing people until a hand tapped your shoulder.
Jeno had ventured into the small corner store in hopes of a refreshing drink, as well as some treats for the stray cats that lived nearby. He was about to leave when he had spotted you, happily munching on your food, gaze fixed on the outside world. He was tempted to just let you be, content in being on your own, enjoying your food, but he didn’t know when he’d run into you again, if he’d run into you again, and after all, he really wanted to see you again, maybe even on purpose the next time. So, he took a leap of faith, and tapped your shoulder.
Neither of you had any idea that the other one had been re-falling in love over the past weeks. That each of you had been quietly longing to see the other again, just to finally go up to them and talk. Overwhelmed by memories and what-ifs, regrets and possible do-overs you were anticipating to be reunited by fate once again.
So, when you turned around, and realized it was Jeno who had tapped your shoulder, your eyes lit up and a smile spread across your face almost instantly, setting free the familiar butterflies in Jeno’s stomach.
“Hi.” You spoke softly, pleasantly surprised (although by now you really shouldn’t be). Your heart was speeding up due to the grin that formed on his lips and the eye-smile that was welcoming you.
He smiled back, ”Hello.”
thank you for reading til the end! i hope you enjoyed it and have a nice day !!! ♡
this piece was written by @yourstruleejn so please don’t post on any other platforms or translate into any other languages! thank u !!!
#nct dream#nct dream x reader#nct x reader#nct dream imagines#nct dream fluff#nct dream angst#lee jeno x reader#jeno x reader#lee jeno fluff#lee jeno x you#jeno x you#lee jeno x y/n#lee jeno#lee jeno angst#nct imagine#nct fluff#lee donghyuck x reader#lee haechan x reader#kim minjeong x reader#nct dream fic#jeno x yn#nct dream x yn#nct dream x you#mark lee#huang renjun#lee donghyuck#na jaemin#zhong chenle#park jisung#mark lee x reader
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One of my friends really likes loona, tho I don’t really follow them. And the articles I just searched up after reading your posts don’t really give the full story. Do you mind summing up what happened to someone outside the community? Totally fine if you don’t btw! But I wish there was a source that doesn’t sound like they’re forced to sell a certain pov
sure, here’s a brief summary. i’ll probably get a couple things wrong because i’m doing this mostly from memory, but here we go:
- loona debuted one member each month from 2016-2018, and debuted as a group with hi high in 2018. notably, the last member to debut only trained for 1 day before being thrust into the spotlight
- after that, comebacks were slow coming, especially considering they were a popular new group with a lot of potential.
- at some point, staff reveals that they haven’t been paid since debut. this includes the girls. bbc (the management company) also claims severe financial debt, and orbits (the fans) come together and mass buy merch to pull them out of debt. it was honestly pretty amazing
- a couple of members begin to stand out from the rest of the group. this includes heejin, the first member to debut, who begins getting ad appearances and a lot of center time. the other is chuu, the tenth member to debut, who is known for her bubbly and cheerful personality. she starts doing a lot of work outside the group- guest starring in reality shows, MC-ing, etc. we learn that, despite pulling bbc out of debt, they still haven’t paid the staff or idols.
:readmore:
- chuu begins to inexplicably miss a lot of group schedules. rumors say she might be planning to move to another company.
- in 2022, the kpop industry starts touring again. loona (minus chuu, of course, as she’s busy with other events) does a world tour with a very harsh schedule. members begin breaking down one by one until eventually only 7 or 8 are able to perform.
- chuu sues bbc to get out of her contract and wins, somewhat. she can now freely do solo activities but bbc still profits from her efforts. there’s silence for a few months. then, suddenly, on november 25th, bbc announces chuu’s removal from the group. they cite her abuse of the staff as their reason and make a lot of really weird statements. one of these is that “the rest of loona do not do this for personal gain”, which is very very odd considering chuu just wanted to be paid for her efforts. lol
- immediately, people start coming to chuu’s defense. one of these is hyunjin, her own group member, who expresses her frustration over chat despite risking getting in trouble for it. sunmi, a senior idol, posts a selfie of the two together in support. in addition, all kinds of staff for the different shows chuu has worked on share their stories of how kind and considerate she is. basically, the rest of the industry comes together to call bbc on their bullshit
- at this point, people have been speculating for a long time. one theory is that bbc is a money laundering scheme that’s kept loona as nugu (new group, despite being 4-6 years old depending on the member) as possible to avoid drawing attention. because like… if nobody’s being paid and they’re committing tax fraud then where is all that money going…? it’s kind of weird because bbc is the bottom of a chain of command that eventually leads to ilgwang group, which mainly sells weapons to the government and has gotten in trouble for corruption before (take that how you will)
- the rest of the group members are expected to continue with their activities like nothing happened, and are forced to do one on one video calls with fans. most of them are visibly upset. especially hyunjin, who’s always been one to express her real feelings. also we find out that the bbc ceo is suspected of evading over $37 million usd in taxes
- bbc releases another statement telling fans to stop speculating and let the members do their jobs
- almost immediately afterward, news comes out that 9 of the members (excluding vivi and hyunjin, probably because vivi is in korea on a work visa and hyunjin is busy doing some stuff for fifa) have filed injunction against bbc to terminate their contracts. chuu has now joined by4m studio
- and that’s about it, assuming nothing else has happened since i was asleep. tldr: loona was a group with a lot of potential but their company fucked it up and kicked out a member over bullshit claims, leading the rest of the group to quit too
#tumblr deleted this halfway through writing my answer#and didn’t even save it as a draft#so i’m probably missing some stuff#loona
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THIS! This tag game seems so fun! Made by the amazing @ronald-speirs!
Favorite place in the world you’ve visited?
That would be either the alps in Germany or the Salinas beach, here in Brazil! I adored both the snow and thes amount of stuff i find at the beach there
Something you’re proud of yourself for?
The amount of progress I made since being diagnosed with autism, depression and anxiety. Even if I stopped going to therapy, I feel like the diagnosis (esspecially the autism one) shed so much light on my life, and I was able to makes the world around me (even if just at home) more confortable for myself by understanding myself more and adjusting the way I do things so it's easier on me.
Favorite books?
Hmmmmm let's see- the Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children series, obviously, but I also LOVE The Book Thief, American Gods and definetely Warrior Cats (I only read the first arc, so Idk how good's the rest xD)
Something that makes your heart happy when thinking about it?
My dog and my characters! Love them :]
Favorite thing about your culture?
Hmmmmmm probably food? But I'm extremely picky so I don't even eat most of our stuff 💀 i do love feijoada, brigadeiro, pastel and coxinha tho- Idk about the rest KAKAKAKA other than that, the slangs. So cool. Love it
When did you join the HBO War fandom? What was the first show you watched?
Back at the end of 2022 or early 2023 was when I first heard about it, but as for officially joining...? Probably like. 5 or 6 months ago? I have no idea what time even is-
The first show was Band of Brothers :D
Have you read any of Easy Company’s books? If so, which ones were your favorite?
Nope. And won't.
Favorite HBO War character and your favorite moment with them?
Webster. Him shoving himself on the ground was the best. Just like me fr💕
Do you make content for any fandoms, if so; what sort of content?
Uhhhhh I make memes and occasionally fanart? I wouldn't classify this as content but when I'm really into something I take some aspects of it for my own world, so I can always keep it close to me, even if the hyperfixation faded a bit with time
Favorite actor/actress and your favorite film of theirs?
I know no one- but I do like Bud Spencer and Terence Hill's movies. They are the only actors I know the name of 💀 I like the funny coeboy movies, many good memories watching them with dad when I was a kid (and still doing so, every now and then)
Favorite quote/s that you wish to share with others?
"I'll beat you with a dead cat 'till it starts mewing" - a popular brazilian saying (the best ever)
Random fact your mutuals/followers don’t know about you?
HmmmmmmmmI share so much about myself that I don't even know 💀 probably that I once fell facefirst on a river when I was 4, while I was fishing? That was A Day
If you’re a writer, do you need a beta reader (say yes so I can be your beta reader 🤭)?
I don't write much but!! I did write something yesterday about my characters and idk if I should post, but if you're interested, I can show you :D
Three things that make you smile?
My dog, my characters, birds
Any nicknames you like?
Based off my real name I like "Rah", but only when used irl. As for the internet, I love Pretz! And I have a special one my best friend @isazmoon gave me, which is Pretzu, but this ones I feel like it's only hers :3
List some people you love to see around on tumblr!
@1waveshortofashipwreck @xxluckystrike @ronald-speirs @ronsparky @minha-xuh @whollyjoly @sweetxvanixlla!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! AMAZING PEOPLE!!
What would you do during a zombie apocalypse?
What would I live for, my stupid ass can't even run 😭 i'd die fast as fuck. And I know all my friendswould die too so we all just perish together 💕💕💕 friendship goals
Favorite movie?
How To Train Your Dragon? Wolfwalkers? Saving Private Ryan? Pirates of the Caribbean? Can't probably choose only one, it's torture
Do you like horror movies?
Ehh, not much? I prefer animations
Tags (no pressure): @xxluckystrike @whollyjoly @ronsparky @sweetxvanixlla @grumpy-liebgott @1waveshortofashipwreck @blueberry-ovaries @minha-xuh (hey Gih, if you want you can take off the HBOwar bits and/or replace them with MPHFPC, since you're from another fandom, feel free!)
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Leon S. Kennedy X M!Reader
A little self indulgent fic, because Leon is my husband (real) (not clickbait) (we are cuddling on the couch as of writing this). Fluffy but I DEFINETLY have some silly nsfw indulgences with him :)
Fun fact a chainsaw actually went off while I wrote this so that is definetly a sign from the universe.
I changed some stuff about my layout etc for this one, but the spacing is a little weird for this one because I had to write it on another medium and not tumblr, since for some reason I couldn't save at some points. (tho i think i fixed it pretty well)
may or may not be a little rushed at the end because I got new scenarios for Leon and uhm!!! BIG need to write but I wanted to finish this one to properly introduce my new layout and stuff!
WARNINGS/ CONTENT INFO; Male Reader, Leon is a silly guy, mentions and describtions of alcoholism, lots of bumps and small issues because Leon doesn't know how to properly care for someone and neither does reader, Reader is mentioned to be younger & shorter than Leon and to not understand social cues at times, Vendetta to Death Island Leon (my favs <3), slight mention of Death, slipped my head cannon in here that Vendetta Leon was in a long depressive episode and actually got to heal some time before Death Island, soft angst because Reader thinks Leon is straight, slight themes of bullying (though its never said to be that), pretty long (surprised at myself for that), only like halfway proof read
When you met Leon for the first time you swore you'd dislike him. You had just recently started working as a DSO agent and were supposed to work under him for a while, because he was "a competent older agent" and "knew what he was doing". Yet there he was, hungover from last night, wishing he already had another bottle of literally whatever alcohol he could acquire. For a second, you believed that he was someone else, surely not the Leon Scott Kennedy you had only heard praises of, someone who was held over your head as role model during the gruesome training you had to go through. Not a chance this poor excuse of a DSO agent was the person you had been told to be like. He had looked at you, grumbled something under his breath, and then strutted into his office. He hadn't even paid you a second glance. You didn't know whether to be offended or glad about it. If he didn't like you, you'd get assigned to another DSO agent, someone who might actually look the part. Someone who wouldn't be such a lowlife as Leon seemed to be. You'd take that over Leon any day, you told yourself.
Nothing prepared you for what would actually happen. Sure, Leon seemed to absolutely hate that you had been assigned to him, but he didn't order for you to get assigned to someone else. He was pretty chill about literally everything, actually. You had been with him for about a week when you started to wonder why he wouldn't just let you go to another agent, especially since he made a point of continously telling you what you did wrong, and that you should just quit the job. A few times you almost snapped at him, almost demanded to know why he was being this difficult. You hadn't trained for months and months just to get told off by this drunken mistake of a guy. You couldn't though. Leon Scott Kennedy, as much as you hated it, was still your superior, and if you didn't want to get fired because you snapped at some stupid remarks. You wouldn't let yourself drop that low because of him. That'd be the worst way to lose the job you had worked so fucking hard for.
You could deal with it though.
And you would.
The first time you started hating Leon a little less was when you were practically baking in your office on a hot summers day. You had just recently gotten your own office, after having to share with Leon for a few weeks - you only now had worked up the status to have your own. However, your AC was positively broken. YOu guessed that was the only reason why you got this office, no one else would want to work in it, so give it to the stupid newbie who won't complain. You sat on your desk, looking through files while having your window wide open - luckily for you, the day was almost completely windless, no risk of government documents getting flown out like your life is some generic movie. You were melting, an honestly, the day couldn't get worse. At least ypu thought that until Leon strutted in. IN your mind, you let out an exhausted groan. After a night fully worked though, a whole day of sitting in the worst heat and multiple files already worked through, you really didn't want to deal with his bullshit as well. You gave the taller man the slightest glare, waiting for him to speak. Instead he placed a bowl on your desk, on top some file - you'd be mad about that later, as you figured out that it had left a stain.
Icecream.
He had brought you icecream.
Your expression turned into one of surprise and shock as you watched him simply leave - he didn't even tell you that you were working too slow or that you had more to do than just sit around. The first thought that came to mind was that he had poisened the sweet treat, but honestly you couldn't be bothered as you cooled yourself from the inside with it. It didn't help much, but the thought had been... weirdly sweet. Well, at least until you noticed the previously mentioned stain and cursed Leon again.
Screw him and his weird gestures which got you into trouble for getting government files dirty.
But at least you got cooled down a little.
The second time you knew that your feelings for your superior agent had changed was when the office held a party upon another agent returning from a particularly gruesome mission. You didn't know the agent's name, but apparently she was now a pretty big deal around the office. Most agents were getting drunk, having fun, and enjoying the opportunity of having a proper break for once - all of you were overworked, definitely. You had simply sat yourself in a corner, completely unused to how busy the office now seemed. Normally you were tucked back into your own, buried behind files and the dreams of soon going on your own mission and returning as a hero, not out and about with everyone. There were only a few people you actually spoke to, mostly superiors and some agents that graduated the together with you. Though, in your defense, you had enough friends outside of work. At least you thought so.
Leon had strutted into the party fashionably late, already somewhat drunk and looking way too disheveled. He normally looked like a wet kitten picked up and brought inside out of pity - now it was somehow worse than that. Messy hair, eyebags way too big, face just a little paler than he normally was. You figured he wasn't feeling too well, but still came to the party. Probably for the free booze. Still, you felt obligated to keep an eye on him, just to be safe. He was your superior, you couldn't just let him do stupid shit. It would put a bad light on you as well, and you simply couldn't have Leon put you in yet another spot of annoyance.
Most of the night went well. Leon didn't pull any shit, and you weren't spoken to by anyone, which was a huge plus to you, because looking after Leon was already like taking care of a toddler, and talking to someone would have made that task a lot harder. After a little more time though, Leon had caught onto your slight staring and confidently walked over to you, basically glaring you down. You carefully started writing your will in your head, because you were convinced he would kill you on the spot - or, even worse for you, get you fired by labeling you as some creep.
"Something on my face or what's got you staring like that?" He ruffly asks, looking down at you with an unreadable expression. You let a sigh slip from your lips. "No, sir. I just figured I'd have to watch you so you don't make a fool of yourself." You then answered. If you were going to be humiliated in public, you at least wouldn't go down without showing Leon what a hypocrite he was.
You were once again caught off-guard by him when he actually started chuckling at your words. It was a pleasant sound, you had to admit. Nice and deep, but not cold, a pretty inviting sound actually. You couldn't help but let the slight shock you felt show on your face, which made him let out a breathy laugh. "What, did ya think I'd be mad at that? You'll have to try better, kid." He then grins, walking off to leave you alone, completely and utterly confused.
Leon left the party with some other agent. A pretty, young woman.
Your stomach twisted as you watched him step out the door, an arm around her waist and a charming smile on his lips.
That night was the first time you couldn't sleep because of Leon Scott Kennedy.
The last time you felt awful about yourself because of Leon was when you were told you'd get your first solo mission. It had been a month or two after the office party. A month or two after you noticed that you maybe didn't hate him as much as you thought you did. A week after Leon had started taking care of himself again, gaining muscle and wearing suits to the office, which he hadn't done once in the time you knew him. Three days after you had figured out that you also weren't as straight as you thought you were.
You were underprepared, wouldn't get the proper equipment, and the mission itself was total bullshit. The notes didn't make sense, the objective was way too random and you hadn't found any previous intel on anything mentioned in the file. It was like you were supposed to be confused by it, because everytime you even tried to ask someone about it, they'd simply give you an apologetic smile and went on about their day.
You were convinced that this was a plot to have you die on a random mission, because you had been too annoying, or made too many mistakes. Something. Anything. It didn't make sense.
For some reason, you found yourself standing in front of Leons office at last. Totally not because you were going to beg someone for intel, and weirdly enough you’d be the least embarrassed if the person you were begging was Leon. You gathered the courage to actually knock on the glass door, already feeling slightly nervous and uneasy. You didn't know how he'd respond, if he'd call you stupid, or worse. Your already close to fragile mind wouldn't be able to take that after spending sleepless nights because of him. A deep breath, a muttered curse, and his door swiftly flying open before you could even properly knock.
“Who the fuck do you think you are standing in front of my door— oh. It's you.” He spoke, all anger in his voice dissolving as he looked down at you, a complete nervous wreck. His tie was loose, he had probably been tugging on it,and his hair was a tad bit messy again. By now, that was actually weird for him, since he seemed to genuinely care for his appearance. “Sorry, I uh… I just got this mission and I'm uhm.. a little confused.” You muttered, an embarrassed flush creeping onto your cheeks as you gaze drifted to the floor - completely uncharacteristic for you, who normally stood your ground against him. Leon stared at you for a moment before he sighed and stepped aside to let you inside his office. He wordlessly took the folder with information, which you had been clutching onto for dear life, from you, swiftly looking through it, his expression growing more and more exhausted and angry.
He'd say you're stupid. Definitely. He thought you were an absolute idiot.
What you didn't think he'd do is let out a groan, open his office door, and yell out: “You lot are fucking assholes!”
You stared at him in disbelief, by now having taken a seat on the small couch that Leon had placed in his office some time between the party and you getting your own office. With absolutely no clue what was going on, you watched Leon step out, argue with someone - a female voice, as far as you could make out. You didn't exactly know what to do, especially since Leon hadn't told you a thing. You were simply sitting by, waiting for orders, getting yelled at, or fired - you didn't know what to expect either, if you were honest.
When Leon returned, you had been picking at the skin of your fingers for a good five minutes or so. He closed his office door and strutted to his chair, swiftly falling into it with a heavy groan.
“I'm sorry sir I just–” You started, interrupted by a dismissive wave. “There's no mission. It was a prank. I told them not to do it. Their reasoning was that you needed to get out of your office more and this would force you to talk to someone. They didn't plan ahead though, and simply told everyone that they'd give you a fake mission, without telling anyone what to say. I'm having her write an incident report about this. You can go home.” He simply spoke, leaning back in his chair as he looked at you. His words practically beat you down.
A prank.
A stupid fucking prank and you had gotten this upset over it.
You stared at the floor, desperately trying to even begin to understand that stupid reason. You didn't like socializing. Simple as that. Leon didn't do it, but he didn't get pranked and laughed at for it.
“She..?” You then asked, looking up at Leon.
“That agent that we had the party for. She grew over her own head, thinking she could rule the office.” He shrugged as you got up. “Where are you going, kid?” Leon wondered, clearly a little confused by the look on your face.
“Socializing.” You simply spoke, unsure of what you'd actually do. You were upset, angry… a lot more than that. You wanted to beat her, calmly tell her why what she did was wrong. A lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts.
“Instead of chewing her face off, how about you just come over to mine later, and we drink our asses into oblivion?” Leon sighed. He had dealt with stuff like that before, surprisingly as it was. You didn't make it particularly easy for yourself, though, as you didn't even seem to notice when you were getting out of line. Hell, you stood up to his gruff demeanor without a second thought - maybe you were just a bit crazy. Maybe a little more than just a bit.
That's how you ended up on the couch of Leon's living room instead, beer in hand, the TV on, Leon beside you with a respectable amount of space in between the two of you. His couch was comfortable, probably having been used for more than just a few years, as you could feel yourself slowly sinking into it while sipping your beer silently. Normally, you'd become more social when drinking. But normally, you weren't in your superiors' apartment. Nonetheless, a superior you had grown to realize you had a crush on.
Thinking about it, it had been obvious, really.
You don't think you've ever actually hated Leon. You just thought you did because you had actually felt like that for the first time in possibly years. A nervous glance over at Leon let you know that the other was focused On the TV, which stupidly led you to eye him cautiously, your gaze trailing along his face, jaw, neck… you felt a little weird when looking at him like this. He had pulled off his tie, his shirt slightly unbuttoned. Now that he wasn't wearing a blazer, you could see that his shirt was the tiniest bit too tight around his biceps - you swallowed harshly before forcing yourself to look away.
Leon hadn't noticed how awkward you felt around him. He was already at his third beer himself, seemingly a routine for him. You, on the other hand, were still sipping the first half of your first. Soft concerns about Leon's alcohol consumption filled your mind, but it wasn't your place to judge or comment on it. It was overall known at the office that Leon struggled - he frequented the office therapist, but only to sit there in silence as he stared the poor guy down. He only went because it was mandatory for agents after an unfortunate accident, a story no one you asked would ever expand on. You figured you wouldn't want to know anyway.
“You do know that the others pick on you constantly, right? There's a reason you have so many files.” Leon suddenly huffed, resting his head on his fist as he glanced over at you. You shrugged awkwardly. “I never noticed anything. I figured that… well, that everyone had so much work.” You mumbled. All this had been a bad idea. Definitely. This was stupid. Leon sighed your name, and it made a small shiver run down your back. He had used your first name, not the generic ‘Agent’, or simply your last name. It surprised you that he even knew your last name. You couldn't keep your cheeks from flushing.
“Listen, I thought you'd get it yourself, you aren't the type to be this… I don't know, obedient?” The older agent grumbled, shaking his head softly. You could only watch his soft strands of hair shake, wondering if they'd feel the way they looked. It took you a moment to realize his words.
A little dumbfounded, you asked him to explain what he meant by that. He didn't think you were ‘obedient’? Was that a good thing? Seeing as how your job was quite literally all about following orders, you feared that it might not be. Leon struggled to find the words to properly explain what he meant. “Like.. You stand up for yourself. Always, no matter what. It just.. feels weird to see you like.. like you can't take care of yourself? You normally speak your mind, but at the same time you're scared of not following everything to standard. You're.. weird, honestly. I don't mean that in a bad way, particularly.” He shrugged, and it was noticeable that he also didn't know how to deal with this. The two of you sat in silence for a moment.
“I don't notice.” You then mumble, taking a sip from your beer. Leon looks at you in confusion, so you clarify. “When I'm being harsh, or mean, or whatever. I don't notice. I speak my mind because I never got told that that was a bad thing at times. I guess I learned from childhood that most people don't appreciate it when I simply tell them that their life decisions statistically suck, but it never sticks.” The soft shrug that you add at the end earns you a chuckle from Leon. A sound you grew to appreciate more than anything. “Is that why you don't talk to people?” He asks, nudging your knee with his foot playfully - this is probably the most relaxed you've ever seen him. “I do talk to people.” You grumble, a soft pout on your lips. “Just not coworkers.” Leon chuckles again. If you could, you'd bottle the sound and replay it forever. There's a soft silence again, but this time, you are oddly aware of the fact that Leon is looking at you, almost the same way you were beforehand. You feel the sudden urge to chug your beer in one go.
"I really want to help you, kid." The older agent then sighs, shaking his head softly while getting up to go get himself another beer. "Surprising, I thought you wanted me gone." You huffed. The alcohol had probably loosened your tongue, and you didn't want to have to wonder about Leons actions anymore. One day he'd be nice to you, and then the next he'd glare at you like he was on a murder spree. It was confusing. He claimed to want to help you, but never actually did anything, it seems. You desperately wanted answers - partly because it would probably help you deal with the definitely improper feelings for Leon. He only stared at you for a moment, before sighing again and shortly leaving the room. You had fucked up, hadn't you? You made him uncomfortable or something.
"I don't.. want you to leave. Not fully, anyway." Leon hummed as he walked back into the living room, a glass in his hand. You guessed he had gotten something stronger than a simple beer. "This job ruins people. I mean, you know how I acted when you first got into the office. I was actually the reason that the whole therapist rule was put up..." He chuckles awkwardly as he moves to sit beside you again. You nervously notice that he's sitting closer than before. "I was forced into this, you chose it. And seriously, it's a stupid choice. This job gets you killed, brutaly so. It doesn't even have to be a Bioterrorist mission, every other one is awful as well." He explains, running a hand through his hair after taking a quite big sip from his glass. You're reminded of your beer, so you take a sip as well. You aren't quite sure what to say, you don't think you have a valid reason for your choice either. "The fact that you don't understand how to... well.. properly act doesn't help that either." He mutters, looking at you expectantly. A soft shrug is all you can muster up, still trying to think of the words to bring your point across - if you even had an actual point. Some silent moments passed. "I guess I just always wanted to be.. a hero.. of sorts." You then mumbled awkwardly. "The stories we were told of you were just a way to get me even more determined and well.. now it's too late to quit. I didn't go through all that just to go work in some coffee shop." You added, looking at the other cautiously. You weren't sure if he'd like your answer, even though it was mostly how you truly felt. Leon simply nodded as you spoke. “Yeah, I can respect that.” He then answers, another blanket of silence enveloping the two of you. Both of you sip at your respective drinks, caught in your thoughts for a moment.
“You got yourself together though, didn't you?” You then asked, unsure if the question would cross a line. The way Leon looked just a few months ago came to mind, the imagery of a wet kitten. The drunkard you had ‘despised’. Leon thought for a moment, a soft hum coming from him as he weighed his response. “I guess I did.” He then shrugged. “A friend of mine made me realize that I couldn't sulk around forever. That I had to keep going, even though it was hard.” Leon added. You watched as he downed his drink and set the glass down on the small table in front the couch. It reminded you of how awkward this situation actually was. Alone with your superior in his apartment, drinking alcohol all because you couldn't properly socialize with the rest of your coworkers. A bit ironic, actually. The only person you could talk to was the man that made you realize you were into guys. You huffed at that realization, slightly staring at Leon, who was apparently zoned out a little. The alcohol was getting to your head properly now - you'd always been somewhat of a lightweight - and you couldn't help but sigh as a strand of hair fell into Leons face, reaching out to brush it behind his ear again. The second your fingers made contact with the soft skin of his cheek you pulled back again, awkwardly aware of how weird that just was. Your cheeks flushed a deep red as Leon shot up to look at you, caught off-guard by the sudden touch. “Your uhm.. I just wanted to fix your hair. Sorry.” You mumbled, looking away from the older man in embarrassment. Neither of you said anything for a moment - it wasn't helping your state that this silence wasn't as pleasant as the others had been - and you already thought of the way Leon would tell you to leave.
Instead, you heard Leon chuckle as he gently took your chin to turn your head back towards him. "You could've just said that you wanted to touch me." He grins, awfully close to you. Your brain malfunctions for a second. "Come on, it's fine." The other adds, and you can form enough of a thought to carefully brush the hair out his face. His bright blue eyes dug into yours - your heart stopped for a second - before you pushed away slightly. This was crossing a line, no matter how much you wanted to be close to Leon, you wouldn't have it like this. He was probably just drunk and acting stupid. There was no way he'd ever actually be interested in you, in any way, shape, or form. Hell, Leon probably wasn't into men at all - a thought quickly dismantled as Leon suddenly leaned towards you and pressed a kiss against your lips. You were too shocked to react, simply jerked away as the abrupt action wasn't what you had ever thought would happen. "Shit. I'm sorry, I read that wrong didn't I?" Leon immediatly says, his expression showing that he hadn't meant to do anything you didn't want. "I just- I didn't think you'd... be into guys..? Let alone me." You spoke hastily, not wanting him to feel bad - not when inside you were fireworks going off. "I'm not, usually. You're just.. different. Only had this one time before and well that was... ended prematurely." He chuckled awkwardly. "I'm willing to try though, with you. Only if you want to though, of course. I'm not forcing you or anything, I now realise that's awful to say when I'm literally your superior and you probably will feel pressured-" Leon starts rambling, running a hand through his hair. It was actually kinda cute to see him like this, somewhat panicked because he wants to make sure that you know he doesn't want you to be uncomfortable. "It's fine. If you're actually willing to, I'd uhm.. I'd really love to try." You answer, your voice just slightly higher than usually because of how nervous you are. "You are?" Leon asks, just to make sure. A huge grin spreads on his lips as soon as you nod. "Really?" He asks again, excitement clear in his voice. "Really." You answer after clearing your throat. You want to jump up and down in excitement, scream out loud, literally whatever, because you're genuinely on the verge of getting to date Leon. You're caught off guard when Leon stands up, pulling you off the couch as well. You were painfully reminded of the fact that he was taller than you as you stood right in front of him, looking up. Your face flushed when Leon cupped your cheek with his hand. "Would you like to be my boyfriend?" He asked softly, almost as if he was scared that your answer could be anything but a clear yes. "Yes. Definitely. I really want to be your boyfriend." You answer.
Leon kisses you, and you swear it's the best you've ever felt.
#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon resident evil#leon vendetta#leon death island#leon x you#leon x reader#male reader#x male reader
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i did a pokeymon tierlist that took me three hours to do ;-;
i put it and explainations under a cut because its so big lmao. if you want it to not be blurry then open it seperately in desktop idk
lesbian tier: self explainatory (ill explain why i like them so much later)
my babies: good designs, sentimental, AND i like fighting with them
sentimental tier: various favs across the years, theyre more individuals than species to me because of my memories with these guys.
i wish pokemon were real: for pokemon that make me say "i wish pokemon were real"
ebic: i like them lots and i like to have them on my team
the funny little creatures: i smile when i see them and i like them
intriguing: hmm there is something here... but i'm not quite getting it maybe?
not rlly interested: this one is self explainatory... if ur fav is here im sorry :( im sure these guys are cool i just dont rlly think about them ever
fucked up: i dont like seeing them they make me uncomfortable
scyther was my first partner in my first pokemon game :) it was diamond. i overtrained scyther way too much and he (because it was a boy scyther) would do that thing where he doesnt listen in battle so i build his entire moveset around it. he was lost when i transferred him to heartgold and then dropped heartgold in some water. rip scyther always in my heart
togekiss was my friend alongside scyther. she was the first pokemon i ever trained up to lv.100. she was also a victim of the heartgold incident. rip togekiss always in my heart.
absol was the only one from my initial gamebeating diamond team to survive the incident. she was transferred over to my copy of platinum and after i ended up losing diamond, remained there happily. i dont want to transfer her to bank or home because i think itd be like moving an old cat to a new house. i dont want to upset her at her old age. also absol's design fucks. emo fringe lynx. absol is what sparked my emotions about dark types. also i played pmd1 as a kid.
gengar is gengar. also i played pmd1 as a kid and read a copious amount of fanfic focused around pmd1 gengar (everyone go read pmd victory fire now it doesnt even matter that its on forever hiatus and ended with a cliffhanger go read it)
the tentacool variations are here purely out of sentimentality. when i was much younger, id let my little sister borrow my copies of the gen 4 pokemon games. she was really young and didnt really care about rpgs in general at the time, so shed always just explore and catch random pokemon instead of actually playing the games. one time, after i got the games back from her, i looked in my pc and saw like. two full boxes of tentacool and tentacruel that shed caught. and they've all got nose themed nicknames like "nosey" or "nosenose" and other stuff like that. so apparently she was surfing about and saw a tentacool for the first time and was just. obsessed with how they looked and thought they looked like big noses (with the red spots being like nostrils i think) and just decided to catch loads and loads of them because she liked them so much. so it became an inside joke between us. i dont really have much in common with my sister anymore and our relationship is pretty cold rn but pokemon is the one thing we still hold in common. and ill always associate tentacool with her.
we all know why grovyle is where he is. same with dusknoir. theyre also good designs.
i really dont like enamourus because its fucked up how they designed three big buff genie men and then made one that was pink and skinny. awful. makes me angry. if they were buff theyd be one of my favs tho.
i really dont like the pla designs for dialga and palkia... theyve already both got very busy designs and i think these forms are Too Busy. i really wanted to like them but well... i look at giratinas two forms and cry over what could have been.
i dont like the tumblr sexyman lizard.
a lot of pokemon are in higher tiers cus theyre based on animals i like... i like a lot of cat pokemon for this reason. also i like the litten line cus it fucks. and my litten in sumo was a female and i like the idea of big buff wrester catgirl :3 incineroar is a really good design and shes big and strong... whats not to love.
also, i generally like a lot of designs which other pokemon fans dislike... i especially love more humanoid/furry "feminine" designs like primarina, lilligant, gardevoir, lopunny, tsareena, etc etc... i really dislike how a lot of these designs are just seen as like sexygirl designs by the community... sadly porn will exist of everything but these pokemon are also creatures. theyre animals. they may look a bit like a girl but they are still magic animals. like one time in moon i had a whole team of grass girlies and it was just fun to hang out with my funny grass lady creatures.
i like giratina because theyre a big ass antimatter caterpillar. drawing giratina helped me draw antropomorphic caterpillars actually. i like their big ass legs.
all eeveelutions are CATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the lunar duo are my ultimate fav pokemon forever as a team for a big mix of all the other reasons. partly its sentimentality, cus i really liked them as a kid and i would always chill on fullmoon island in my copy of platinum and just listen to the music, i also always tried to do the void glitch to get darkrai but i always fucked up and never quite saw her! (i couldnt do the event cus living in shitty rural region reasons) i also liked battling with them in oras :3 i think their designs are very well done. they remind me of the "swan" series by hilma af klimt specifically, which is a series i really liked on its own. i dont think that was intentional, but i was looking at the work about a year or so ago for an essay and i sorta realized how well the overall color palette of that series matches the pair and cresselia specifically, because shes based on a swan ofc. and ofc darkrai is also birdlike but in a more abstract way. she actually reminds me a bit of the skeletons of one of those really fucked up breed pigeons with the receeded necks and huge fantails and tiny beaks and weird spindly legs. i also really like how unabashedly edgy darkrai's design is... i feel a lot of nostalgia for edgy character designs from the mid 2000s which were edgy in a very un-selfaware way (another reason why i like absol specifically and also like. so many ghost and dark types) and as an angsty kid i always used to gravitate towards those designs lol. i also think its kinda romantic, the idea of a creature which kills others simply by being around them, a typhoid mary type creature, which isolates itself due to that, with its only friend also being the only creature that negates its negative affects. and also that creature killed a kid in america (fucked up). thats how i interpret their relationship. anyway ive been having lots of thoughts about them for like over 15 years.
this is unrelated but its kinda annoying when ppl use gendered pronouns for genderless pokemon... its not gonna ruin my days its just. funny lol (ignore that i have used she/her for darkrai throughout this entire comment... when i do it, its ok <3) one of the sad flaws of the pmd series imo bcus the mainline games dont do that at all.
in general i think my likes and dislikes are more dictated by character design/sentimentality as opposed to ability in battle or fanservice or competitive meta ... this is just part of being a longtime fan who doesnt rlly keep up with the community anymore methinks. im kinda beating myself up for not putting more complex thought into this buuut also i wanna be true to myself yknow... but then again this community sucks so i feel like im gonna be attacked for putting idk wingull too low or something lol
#please dont hate me if i put your fav low... this is just my personal opinion!#all creatures are wonderful in their own way <3 <3 <3
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