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causeimhappinesss · 3 years

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Like Adam & Eve (Chris Redfield x Sherry Birkin)

Pairing: Chris Redfield x Sherry Birkin

Warnings: age gap + smut + wrap your biscuit, please

Request:

Disclaimer: I’m french and even if I’m learning English for ten fucking years, it’s not perfect and I’m sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. If English is your native language (or if you’re bilingual), I would really appreciate it if you could help me by correcting my errors. Just don’t be too harsh, please. :)

****

He was beautiful. So handsome. Tall. Muscular. In his early 40s. Intelligent. Open-minded. Honest. Brave. Selfless. All this despite his impulsiveness.

She had known him for years. Since 1998, after the events of Raccoon City and Rockfort Island, when she was under government protection. On several occasions, Leon and Claire had come to visit her; him with them. She was only 12 years old at the time. He was already 25. He saw her as a scared little girl. A child to defend from this cruel world, from her past with her parents... In 1998, the attraction she had developed towards him was only innocent, of course. With no ulterior motives.

The years passed and the number of meetings multiplied. The more she became a woman, the more she wanted to attract his attention, joking with him, telling him about her boyfriends to spark off some kind of jealousy deep in him. She voluntarily wore clothes that emphasized her feminine attributes, although she didn’t have JLO's curves...

For four years, their paths didn’t cross again, until June 2013. President Benford's death, Simmons' betrayal... But there he was. They hadn't been teammates because they didn't share the same mission, but the same conflict had brought them together. Once again, she had not been able to enjoy his presence, to savor it, except on the plane back to the United States.

Sitting between him and Jake, she chatted with Chris Redfield, Wesker's archenemy, her former godfather and her late father's best friend. She was talking to him, her eyes sparkly, her lagoon-colored doe eyes riveted on him, while a smile stretched her rosy lips. Her features, still somewhat juvenile, despite her 27 years, gave her a baby face. She was beautiful. Radiant. In spite of all that she had lived; horrors. He also had his fill of BOWs. Together, they were making up for the time and she even caught herself, almost innocently, sliding her hand over his bicep as she reassured him. Redfield was still not out of his mental breakdown. It had been going on for months and getting back on track was proving difficult.

"Would you like to drink a beer, one day?" she asked in a honeyed voice.

"Oh... I don't know, I'm exhausted..."

Yet his answer didn't make her face fade. The young blonde needed more.

"Oh, come on, Chris! Please, it's been ages since we've spoken... When's the next time? When there will be another bioterrorist attack?"she sighed with a pout.

"Well... Okay, but only once. I have a lot of work to do, you know."

A smile triumphed on Sherry's face as she simply nodded and thanked him. The brown hair man took advantage of it to go towards the toilets of the private jet and at the moment he disappeared in this cabin, Jake patted the shoulder of the blonde. A malicious smile stretched the fine lips of the redhead, clearly amused by the situation. He wasn’t blind.

"You devour him with your eyes, Birkin... What are you waitin’ for to ‘sweet-talk’?"

"I... He's not interested..." she stammered, embarrassed. These simple words reminded her of the day when Redfield had pushed her away, indirectly, without her knowledge. Jill and him were talking, in Claire’s garden, because she had organized a party where all her friends, fighting the bioterrorism, had been invited. It was a mistake. She just wanted to get some fresh air... A bad mistake.

It was hot. Way too hot inside. Sweat was clinging to her skin and even her glass of iced water, after the two glasses of alcohol she'd ingested, wasn't helping to bring her body temperature down. The summer of 2009 was proving to be more overwhelming than she had anticipated. The hubbub in the room was giving her a headache. Leon already seemed to be completely drunk and Claire was chaperoning him. Meanwhile, Sheva and Barry were talking to each other. There were also other agents she only barely knew. Discreetly, she fled the house and, immediately, her body tingled with the coolness of the night. It was pleasant.

Once again, she brought her glass to her lips and the cold liquid flowed down her throat. As she listened to the song of the crickets, whispers made their way to her ear canals. Curiosity overcame her and she moved towards the two voices; a woman and a man. She pressed herself against one of the walls, silent, and recognized who the voices belonged to: Jill and Chris.

"Don't you see how she's looking at you? Chris! You're blind!"

"Jill... Seriously, I think you're fretting over nothing. Sherry sees me as a big brother and I see her as a little sister or a cousin."

A sigh escaped the brunette's lips.

"I'm not fretting. There are looks that don't deceive... Look, I'm not jealous, but I'm telling you what I see. Put up barriers before she takes it as... An invitation."

"All right, if it makes you happy."

Heartbroken, hands shaking, stomach clenched, throat knotted, the little blonde went back inside and no one seemed to have noticed her short absence. She sat down on the sofa, next to Claire, putting back on her mask... The mask of a happy person. The man she had been interested in for eleven year saw her as a little girl, a sister.

What were you thinking, Sherry? He's been with Jill for ages, she's gorgeous, she has the look of a real woman... She's full of qualities. She's not a Birkin! her conscience shouted.

The barriers he put in place? He hadn't seen her in years. Four years, to be exact. It was extreme, and even though Jill had told him it was too much, he'd felt it was the right thing to do, if his girlfriend's assumptions turned out to be true. And while Chris had tried to reassure Jill, when they were still together, he was reassuring himself at first. He had observed her chest and her bottom, on several occasions, during a few seconds. He had almost drowned in her cerulean eyes too. It had become so difficult not to look at her.

Now, Chris, needed to be alone. Only two minutes and the bathroom would prove to be the perfect excuse. Now, in front of the stall mirror, he watched his reflection. Droplets of blood adorned a part of his right cheek. His blue eyes looked tired, lost.

You accept once and you make her understand that there will never be anything between you... Right?

There had to be. He couldn’t allow himself to build a relationship with a woman he had known as a child, it would be indecent and would call into question his image, his values. He was afraid of looking like an old pig, of proving Valentine right, even though they had broken up in November 2012. All these thoughts provoked profusions of sweat, that he tried to mop up with his back hand. When he closed his eyes, for a moment, the features of the beautiful Birkin came back to his face like a slap. Her angelic eyes, her superb smile, her cleavage, her butt... A bump formed inside his boxer, and his eyes widened.

It is tiredness, nothing else... he reassured himself.

And, in a vain hope, he imagined his grandmother in atrocious underwear, until his erection disappeared. Once sure of himself, he left the toilets, went towards Sherry and whispered: "we’ll agree on the place and the hour for the beerby message, tomorrow" and he moved away to find Leon, in full discussion with Helena.

Move away... Move away... Move away...

Sherry had done everything to make him come to her house, to drink the beer. She had tried to put on clothes that would highlight her, a simple skirt that didn’t reveal too much and a simple crop top with straps. He had arrived with five minutes of advance and quickly, the beer had been consumed. She hadn’t left him time to speak, to express his desire to break off all ties, to explain her there would never be anything between them, that she started up a movie. A comedy focused on sex, a strategic way to relax the atmosphere that was getting heavier. Indeed, the more she stayed by his side, the more she dreamed of letting her graceful fingers run over the protruding muscles of the man, from his arms, to his torso, passing over his thighs that she dreamed of straddling until the orgasm. She often dreamed of him, of what he made her, his dick inside her. From minute to minute, discrete, she approached him, by light movements, in natural although calculated appearance... Her ass was close to him, to the crotch of the B.S.A.A’s Captain.

He, Chris, had understood the stratagem. However, impossible to emit the least remark. Every time he opened his lips, he was unable to... hurt her. He knew if he said what was in his mind, he would hurt the young woman. Not to help, his cock was so close to Birkin's tender buttocks and her jasmine scent intoxicated him. She nibbled on her lower, wet, luscious, lower lip; a call to kiss. A new erection showed up and he was quite happy that the covers above them prevented the blonde from noticing it.

He tried his best to be focused on the movie, until a sex scene appeared on the screen. Embarrassed by this scene combined with his proximity to the blonde, he cleared his throat and looked away at Sherry's coffee table. Her crystalline laughter attracted his attention and he gazed at her. His cock continued to tense; it was becoming disturbing. The desire was growing and he was struggling. An internal struggle he wasn’t winning.

"Chris! Don't be embarrassed, it's only a movie and then... Well... I think it's funny how they make some positions look simple!" she said while batting her eyelashes. If she didn’t know yet the power that she possessed, it didn’t change the fact he wanted to devour her. To jump on her. Kiss her.

"That's because you haven't found the right partner..." he whispered.

He couldn't help it. It was the truth and... And what? His brain wasn’t running smoothly anymore. If only someone could shake him, slap him, to bring him back to his goals.

"Oh yeah? Explain to me..."

The blonde turned around and in her swiveling, her buttocks rubbed against his hard cock. The way she had rubbed herself wasn’t accidental, far from it, it was guessable. And he guessed she had felt his erection. A smile stretched Sherry’s lips who slid a hand on the thigh of the soldier, so close to his erect member. The blonde's eyes sparkled with excitement as she leaned over him. Chris gulped with difficulty. He dreamed to stroke her breast, to sink into her, to show her he was right.

"Show me, then." she added, of a suave voice.

She was the one who initiated the kiss by pressing her lips against his. With this last lost control, he let his hands wander on her beautiful body. His thick and calloused hands sought her chest, under her crop-top, whereas she wasn’t wearing a bra. He quickly removed the garment and tossed it somewhere in the living room. As he kissed Sherry, he titillated her breasts, her erected nipples. Soon, their lips pulled apart and he licked her nipples, drawing sighs of pleasure from his partner.

He no longer cared about what was right or wrong. If she was too young or not. If he had known her as a kid or not. It didn't matter.

Meanwhile, Sherry took off Redfield's shirt, slid her phalanges between each line of his abs, before attacking his belt. Once rid of this one, she opened the button of his jeans, then took his zipper down. She didn’t seek to get rid immediately of his pants. Instead, she stroked his hard cock through his boxers for a few moments, which made Chris sigh. Finally, she freed his cock from this confined place to admire it, her mouth watering. It was very thick, probably 7,4inches (19 centimeters) long, completely hard, veiny, with a pink head. Some pre-cum covered the tip. With a false look of innocence, she ran her fingers over his balls, on his cock, to the head, then placed kisses on it.

"Sherry..." breathed Chris, his eyes half-closed, watching her. She looked up at him and licked his cock. Again and again. After titillating him, she took him her mouth, her perfect lips wrapped around his member, moving back and forth with wet noises. She insisted on the most sensitive places, in particular on the tip, while she massaged his balls. Her heart beat was off the charts, following the example of that of his sexual partner.

She did everything to please him, to receive his compliments and when the first ones came, such as "nice girl", "oooh... perfect...", her heart swelled with joy. When he asked her to stop, she complied, moved her thong to the side and came to rub her wet intimacy against Redfield's penis as he grunted with excitement... With anticipation... She was having fun rubbing his head at her vagina entrance. She was torturing him.

"Chris... Tell me you want me..."

"Sherry..."

"Please. Say it. I want you so much... If I could make you my God, I would..." she squeaked without stopping her movements.

"Goodness, yes! I want you Sherry! I want you like I haven't wanted a woman like that in so long!"

That's all it took for the blonde to impale herself on Redfield's cock, not waiting for him to finger her. It was a waste of time in an unexpected situation she never thought she'd ever succeed to provoke. There she was, straddling his cock, with delicious moans. Sometimes, she threw back her head, sometimes she lowered her eyes on their sexes, watching this huge cock moving inside her, stretching her in the most pleasant way.

Chris couldn't believe it. It was as if he was a spectator... As if he was possessed... Yet he was heaving a great time and his thrusts joined Sherry's movements to help her. His hands had found their way on Birkin’s milky hips. Then, he made her roll and lie down on the sofa. He got rid of his pants and his boxer, just like her thong and the skirt. He penetrated her again in a grunt, folded the thighs of the blonde against herself and pounded in her of brutal pushes. Fast. A pleasant revenge for having provoked him... To have made him leave the right way.

She was Eve. He was Adam. The forbidden fruit? Her pink pussy, martyred by his cock.

The blonde moaned and she didn't need to play with her clit to get off. Chris was naturally gifted, as she had imagined in all her dreams since she was a teenager. He was hitting the right angle, the G-spot. It felt so good that she couldn't say anything except let her vocal cords do the talking... Just her luck that her downstairs neighbor had gone on vacation!

"God... Chris... Keep going... Like this...!"

He didn't stop, he let the pleasure continue to climb, until they were close to orgasm. He closed his eyes as her vaginal walls pulsed around him, like a soft vise around his cock, a sign that her orgasm was hitting her hard. She was cheering him. Struck by his own orgasm, Chris grunted and let his seed paint the blonde's walls. His cock throbbed after the four hot spurts of cum. With a sigh, he pulled out and opened his eyes again. His cum was flowing out of her still convulsing pussy in the most erotic way possible. Gradually he caught his breath and let Birkin's legs fall back. The latter was smiling, her face and chest pink.

My God, what have I done...?he thought.

Yet he didn’t escape like a thief.

No, instead, they often slept together. If he tried not to have any attachment, he couldn’t help but stay always longer than he should, whether it was in Sherry's bed, in her shower, or inside her. The more time he spent, the more addicted he became to her, like a drug. It was worse than meth. He couldn't get off it. Little by little, he was falling. No, in fact, he was falling in love with the one he had always denied himself.

Asleep, Sherry was sleeping naked, stuck against him, their legs intertwined, under the moonlight that filtered into the room. She hadn’t closed the shutters. One of her hands were flattened against one of his biceps. He contemplated her curves and her angel face. Tenderly, his fingers slid along the spine of his partner. He didn’t manage to sleep, torn between his duty and his desires.

He had obviously spoken about it to Claire who... Didn't see any harm in it. In fact, really open-minded, his young sister had advised him to start a relationship with Sherry, if he liked the blonde.

"You deserve that! Nobody can judge you when you bleed to save the world every day!" she had whispered while hugging him.

Did he love Sherry? Yes, he recognized the same signs as he had for Jill a decade earlier when he realized he was madly in love. Today, his heart claimed Sherry. Deep down, he knew she was waiting for this, she would accept to start a relationship with him, she was dying for it and if it frightened him a few weeks earlier, now the idea warmed his heart. In a tender gesture, he placed a kiss on Sherry's forehead, whose eyes fluttered as she awoke from her sleep. Slowly, her eyes opened and locked with Redfield's.

"What is it Chris...?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you so much..." he whispered in a husky voice.

The woman's eyebrows furrowed, and she straightened in the middle of the bed, inviting him to continue.

"All these years I knew you wanted me and I acted like I didn't know anything about it, pushed you away as much as possible and... Even though my heart was taken, I regret it. Sherry... I..."

He straightened up in turn and his thick hands framed Sherry's face.

"What I mean is... I love you. I'm a loser when it comes to love confessions, but it's been said."

The blonde burst out laughing then stole a soft kiss from him.

"All that matters now is that we're together. Okay?"

In the end, yes, that was all he cared about. Chris knew he had to think of himself and that meant loving Sherry without any remorse.

***

My AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/users/BetrayedWriter/profile

#chris redfield imagine #chris redfield #chris redfield one shot #resident evil fanfic #chris redfield x sherry birkin #chris redfield fanfic #RE8 #RE8 village #RE6 #chris redfield x reader

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mageofseven · 4 years

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Hello! I've been a little curious for a while so I wanted to see if you would be willing to take up an ask of mine. I was wondering which of the brothers would most likely know sign language, and if you're comfortable, how the brothers would react to a mute mc. If you don't feel like answering my request that's fine. Have an awesome winter and stay toasty!

Oooh! This is an interesting one! Thank you for the ask~

Also though, winter? It's only September, almost October. Its fall where I live 🍁

Spoiler warning: Year 1 spoilers

Most Likely:

Satan- probably learned multiple forms of it as a hobby (ASL, BSL, and LSF)

Lucifer- likely learned it as a result of the exchange program so he could understand the student

Belphie- learned it just so he and Satan could quietly insult Lucifer without him knowing

Lucifer:

Read it off their application originally so he wasn't surprised at all when he met them.

Learned their form of sign language in preparation for their arrival.

Wouldn't really say he's fluent, but has learned enough to communicate with MC so he can assist them with whatever they need.

It helps that MC is mute and not deaf; he and his brothers can simply talk to them as they do with anyone else and they can understand the demons; he merely needs to read their hands in order to get their responses.

Overall, doesn't really mind MC being mute, but does worry about how his brothers' interactions with them will go

Mammon:

Wait, so how's he supposed to look out for someone who can't even talk to him?

Is slightly uncomfortable in the beginning because of the silence between the two

But eventually likes how he finally has a person around him who isn't constantly calling him names or talking back to him.

Poor MC has to hear him gloat about himself a lot.

Swears up and down that he would never learn sign language for them; they just need to do what The Great Mammon says and not die, got that?

Actually gets pretty attached to them quickly. After being turned down by Satan to borrow some of his books on the topic, the demon simply searches online for resources to help him.

Very slow learner. Manages to get better at it when he finally admits to MC that he's trying to learn and they let him practice with them.

Some of his hand signs are slightly off when he does them, but since he just needs to be able to read them when MC uses them, it's fine.

Won't admit it, but he is very happy that he can have full conversations with his favorite human.

Leviathan:

Doesn't feel like it affects him. I mean, why would he wanna talk to some normie human anyway?

After the TSL trivia contest between the two of them, he feels like he's kinda obligated to because of the pact between.

Just kinda learns the basics so he can understand them somewhat at first.

As the two get closer though and he dubs them his Henry, this boy gets so into it. He really makes it a priority so that nothing can limit his talks with his Human.

Is super proud of himself and even has full conversations in sign language with them, despite the fact that he doesn't actually need to sign back to them.

Overall, doesn't really care that they are mute, but loves that conversations with his Henry feel so secret and special.

Satan:

Already knew the language long before MC moved into House of Lamentation.

Is extremely fluent in the language.

Honestly, he would have been their guardian throughout their stay in Devildom because of this if Lucifer actually trusted him.

He practically is once the two get close though.

Will translate whatever they say to teachers during the classes that they share.

Has most definitely scared off other demons who tried to joke about or insult them for not being able to speak traditionally. Their classmates learn quickly that Satan won't tolerate that shit.

Becomes the first person they go to if they need something, even before Lucifer.

Overall, likes having someone he can use the language with.

Asmodeus:

Really doesn't care at first.

I mean, that doesn't stop him from flirting with them, right?

But then he remembers: he can't hear them say anything back to him. No confirmations of whether they're actually comfortable with his words or advances. No way to hear them give him compliments or flirt back.

Big pouter at this fact.

Won't actually make any attempt to change it at first though.

Will just make his brothers translate what they say for him.

It's not until the retreat at the castle when they draw great power out of him so he can charm the snake that he's actually starts thinking that this human is interesting and he just needs them in his life more.

Will now learn sign language because he needs to be able to understand his bestie

And they are best friends. Of course, unless they wanna be more 😘

Overall, finds it very inconvenient, but gets over it and starts seeing it as nothing more than part of their charm.

Beelzebub:

Honestly, expect no conversation to take place between the two for a long time.

Beely is a quiet boy so having MC who has no choice but to be silent just kinda brings them to a stalemate.

When he discovers that they are trying to help Belphie and Lucifer make up however, he realizes that he needs to be able to talk to them properly.

Really, really tries to learn. Has never been one to easily grasp any foreign language though, let alone one that solely involves hand movements.

With MC's help though, manages to learn a lot more than he thought he would.

Can understand most things they say/sign now, but sometimes needs one of his brothers to fill in the gaps for him.

Overall, really wishes MC wasn't mute because it feels like a barrier keeping him from getting closer to them, but tries his best on his end so they can be friends.

Belphegor:

Knows sign language, but has never used it with anyone but Satan and that was just for a handful of times.

Was surprised that it actually came in handy when they first visited him in the attic.

He was honestly very annoyed at this, but tried to pretend otherwise. I mean, how was he actually gonna get help from them if they couldn't even speak?

Honestly surprised to hear that one by one, each of his brothers was learning the language for this human.

It bothered him that they had gotten that close with his brothers, but wasn't complaining; I mean, it definitely made things easier.

After the Incident™️, he feels guilty as hell and becomes very protective of them.

He sees them being mute as something someone might use to take advantage of them.

Becomes their sleepy little guard dog.

Overall, he found MC being mute as annoying at first, but later it becomes a source of worry for him.

Like, what if they get attacked and can't call for help?

He can't help but wonder if they had their voice, could they have somehow broke free and screamed for help the night of the Incident™️ and prevented things from happening the way they did.

Just doesn't want anything bad to happen to them and feels like he has to make up for their mute-ness.

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc #fggamer-reds

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againstshame · 4 years

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Anonymous request for advice: “My brother is autistic and unemployed and I’m worried about his future."

Topics include: employment, hygiene, stimming that is disruptive and physically dangerous to others, “overeating”, family dynamics.

“Hello. I really hope I don’t come off as ableist. I just need some advice about my autistic brother. He is currently 26 years old but has no goal or ambitions for his future ( everyone has a different pace I know) His special interest is in cartoons, and and researching about them (which I think is neat ) but it’s the only thing he does besides eat (this has resulted in obesity). He has had one job before, but disliked it, so my mom let him quit.

He is perfectly content just eating and watching tv, I am very worried about his future. I imagine he will stay with my mom until she passes, doing what he is doing now. What about after? We try to talk to him but I think he doesn’t really listen, he just waits for the conversation to be over. For example he only showers on Sunday, and we ask him why and suggest that maybe he can just use a wash cloth but he refuses, so we just have to deal with the odor every week

Like I said he is very large so when he stims (he stomps and spins) it shakes the house and the floorboards make a lot of noise and my teachers ask me what it is cause it can be heard through my mic even when I’m in the basement ( online school). I ask him to be quieter but he ignores me ( I am younger) also I can’t get it attention because he is swinging his arms and I don’t want to get hit like when we were younger.

I don’t know if there’s much to be done about that tho. Is there any way to motivate my brother, how can tell my brother to think about his future. How can I talk to him in a way that he can hear me. I am sorry if I used ableist language or phrases, if someone who is autistic or has autistic siblings can lend some advice, it would be appreciated I want him to be able to live his life even without my mom. Thank you.”

Thank you for writing in. This is a difficult situation to be in, and I hope I can offer at least some encouragement and some clarity, if not a solution.

I am autistic, and so is my brother. My brother is a little bit like yours, in that he doesn’t work and lives with my parents, while I’ve moved away. I’m older than him, though, and he may not care about my opinion about some things, but he doesn’t totally ignore me and he doesn’t physically intimidate me.

I have no idea if your brother’s life has been anything like mine, but I can tell you about the time I spent as an unemployed autistic young adult, living on my parents’ money. The main thing I can tell you is that all pressure from others to get a job or "think about my future" did was make me feel overwhelming panic. It may have seemed like I was living a carefree life but I was constantly aware that I wasn't living up to what a Good Normal Person was supposed to do, and the shame and anxiety that I felt about that were so severe that they prevented me from taking action to get a job or continue school. I tried, but most of the time, applying for jobs was so panic-inducing that I couldn’t force myself to do it.

I had no context for what work would be like, no framework to imagine what kind of job I would like or be good at. It was just a complete blank in my mind. I could not actually *want* a job, because I had no idea what it would be like- I couldn't even really imagine what having my own income would be like- which made it difficult cognitively to plan for getting one.

But also, in particular I had no conception of what a supervisor or coworker could be like other than someone who would judge me and hate me for not being normal. Looking at job postings all I could think about was how terrified I was of being judged and found inadequate. And whenever my parents or others tried to encourage me to apply for jobs, all I felt was that they were angry and disappointed with me for being a failure.

This was because most of my experience of interacting with people outside my family consisted of being bullied and socially isolated by my peers, and being mistreated by teachers. I was not able to get a job until I began to understand just how much I hated myself, why I felt that way, and how my ways of coping with (/hiding from) that feeling were limiting me. And even so, I'm certain I wouldn't have managed to apply for the first "real job" I did get except that I knew there wouldn't be an in-person interview.

I needed: 1. Self-knowledge, analysis of how I was feeling, where it came from and ways to cope with it 2. Concrete information, so that I could say "I could be good at this job" and actually believe it 3. And even with all that, I needed accommodations around the things that were most difficult and fraught for me (interviews).

Thinking back on my own experiences after I graduated from college, I'm really not sure there's anything my friends or family could have done to help me get a job sooner. There was a lot of internal work that I had to do just to be able to interact with people without being incapacitated by anxiety.

My path to getting a "real job" started with volunteer work, in which I learned skills that I was later able to get paid for, and became familiar with organizations that would hire me to do those things. That worked for me because 1. it was online, so it avoided some of the issues I had about meeting new people and talking to people in real time, and 2. I could essentially try out what it was like to have that job by volunteering, with no barrier to entry and no consequences if I decided to back out. That's the best advice I have for your brother- to sort of move laterally towards a paying job through volunteer work, topics he's already interested in, communities he's already connected to.

Finally, a word of caution. In your message you mention several different issues with your brother, and I think it's important to be clear about the distinctions between these different issues and why you're concerned about them.

Some of them are problems *for your brother* that don't directly affect you, but you're concerned on his behalf (his future financial security) Some of them *do* directly affect you (noisy stimming while you're trying to focus on school) Some of them aren't really direct, immediate problems for either of you, but they seem like bad things on general principle (being fat)

Our feelings about other people are naturally a mixture of reactions to many different things about them, but please be careful.

It may seem better or more justifiable to say that your brother needs to change for his own good, for the sake of his future, than to ask him to change because he's bothering you, but it's not better. Covering the one thing with the other minimizes your own needs and feelings, which deserve to be listened to and respected, and it makes your comfort and safety depend on controlling your brother's life to a degree that is beyond your right *or your ability* to control.

If he were a significantly different version of himself who had a full-time job and showered regularly and wasn't in your house all the time making you feel like you have no space to yourself, that would sure solve all your problems, but nothing you can do will make him become that person. You especially can’t fix him if you don't trust each other, like each other or listen to each other. Even if you could make him change somehow, it wouldn’t be your responsibility to fix his life for him. That’s a big burden to take on! What you can do, though, is recognize your own needs and find ways to stand up for them.

I don't think I have any really useful insight about getting your brother to take you seriously when you say he's making too much noise. I don't think that's an autism-specific problem. When people have been doing something a certain way for a long time, and it's always seemed to be okay, it can take some repetition to get them to understand that something is actually not okay and they need to change their behavior in the long term.

My advice is what I've heard general advice bloggers say about general interpersonal conflicts: talk to him about it *not* "in the moment" when he's being noisy and you're in class, but at a time when neither of you is stressed and you have time to discuss it. Bringing in other people (your mother?) to confirm that this is a significant problem may help. Still, you may have to repeat yourself a lot.

If your mother *won't* take your side, even for a very reasonable compromise like "do that stim somewhere else" or "at this specific time while I'm on a zoom call, do a different stim," then... that’s not fair to you, and maybe you should think about getting *yourself* out of this house instead of your brother.

The bottom line, I think, is that none of this should have to be your responsibility. You haven’t said your exact age, but you’re still in school. You deserve to be able to make setting *yourself* up for a good life your top priority. It’s good that you want to help your brother, but there may not be much that you can do- especially if he doesn’t *want* to listen to you. I think you should focus on taking care of yourself, and if that incidentally helps your brother or improves your relationship with him, that’s a bonus.

#advice request #autism #shitty family dynamics and how to not have them #family member's perspective

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lisinfleur · 4 years

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Skåll!

The Request: A fiction for Hvitserk or Sigurd with the prompt: “All I want for Christmas is you under my tree.” or, bad poetry Author’s Notes | I could go for my beloved Sigurd. But I couldn’t lose the chance for a Drunk Hvitty XD Universe | Vikings Pairing | Hvitserk x Reader Info | Modern AU, prompts designed by @honestsycrets for 2019’s Holiday Event | ¹A reference to the ghost of the movie “The Ring”. Words | 1764 ⁑ Warnings: Mention to abusive consume of alcohol. Cursing.

You were his best friend for years, so you knew Hvitserk enough to know when it was time to take him out of the party.

And that time was long gone when you finally found him sitting in the corner of the living room; a cup in his hand, half-empty.

You could bet, for his hair already unbraided and his appearance, that he was completely drunk and the trip was bad this time. Hvitserk was always two different kinds of drunken person: whether he would become the soul of the party, making jokes like a clown and having everyone laughing as fuck, or he would go down the hill and become full depressive, remember his exes or mourning his loneliness.

And this time, he was under the bottom of the well, probably trying to date Samara¹...

"Come on, buddy, time to go home," you said, taking the cup out of his hand and helping Hvitserk to get up as he mumbled something you couldn't understand.

His mumbles became louder and louder until he tried to push you away, speaking audibly this time.

"I don't wanna go home yet!" he complained.

"Babe, don't do this, uh?" you said, trying to keep your gentle ways with him. "You just drunk too much and you know you'll get better after a bath and some sleep."

"I don't want a bath... And I'm not..." he stumbled, stopping walking beside you, "I'm not sleepy."

"Hvitserk..." you tried a more serious tone.

"No!" he whined, looking at you with those beautiful puppy eyes so full of the sadness you hated to see on them.

You hated it when he was drunk like that. In any of his forms, you never liked to see Hvitserk too taken by alcohol because you knew no matter if he was joking, laughing, or sat crying somewhere in the room, that shadow of sadness would always be there in his eyes.

If only you were strong enough to move forward and tell him your heart...

But your fear to ruin your friendship with him was always bigger than your need to tell him how much you loved him through all these years. If you weren't there to be his friend then who would prevent him from drinking himself out of his body and do some shit that he would regret forever?

Someone had to take care of him and your fear that he would stop trusting you or push you away from him for good was always a barrier bigger than your courage to face your fears and maybe have a chance to top that loneliness inside your friend's heart.

"Babe, come on, let's..."

"No!" he insisted, walking away from you. "Stop calling me like that... You're not my girlfriend..."

You sighed. He could be pretty harsh when drunk like that.

"You would never be my girlfriend..."

Ok, now he was really being harsh. And you prepared to tell him how much it was hurting your heart when he continued, breaking completely your brain's plans of reaction.

"Why would a woman like you want a drunken asshole like me for more than a fucking best friend? Uh?"

"What?" you gasped.

What the hell was happening right in front of you?

Stumbling on his feet, Hvitserk made a turn, looking at you with all the sadness of the world in his eyes.

"Wanna know what? Fuck it!" he bent himself, screaming. "FUCK IT! Did you hear me? I don't fucking care anymore! All I want for Christmas is you under my tree. It would be the best gift ever! But I'll never have it, 'cause you're too busy being my nurse to really take a small note of how much I loved you all these years... And I'm fucking tired of smiling every time you say good night when the truth was that I wanted to fucking kiss you goodnight and sleep by your side!"

It was like being shot in the head. Everything on you just froze with that shocked glare in your eyes and that stunned expression in your face that just let him understand everything wrong once again.

"Don't worry... I know I'm too much of a friend for you to love me. Fuck it, Y/N. Just pretend you didn't listen to it and let me fucking drink to forget. Tomorrow you can send me good morning through your phone and I keep pretending you woke up by my side when you come for Christmas breakfast... Fuck it..."

He was sounding so disappointed! And his eyes were so full of that deep sadness you've always seen in his greens whenever he was drunk and would look at you...

How long did he love you silently like that? How long since the two of you were stupid enough to not see what was now so obvious for you?

Or maybe cared enough for each other to fear the loss so hard that silence was the best option for both of your hearts...

He stumbled again waking you up from the trance his words threw you in and you felt your heart clench: he was barely holding himself straight. He would probably forget everything he said that night... It wasn't the right time to confess your heart for him.

So, you just walked forward, passing his arm around your neck and supporting him while guiding his stumbling steps back to the car.

"Lemme go," he mumbled.

But that wasn't resistance enough for you to stop this time. You just took him to your car, gently putting him at the seat, closing the seatbelt around his body and taking your place at the driver's seat, turning on the car and observing as he slowly fell asleep against his window.

When you arrived in his home, his brother Ubbe helped you taking him upstairs and placing him on his bed. You took off his shoes and shirt knowing he liked to sleep fresher. He mumbled some complaints but not enough to get up, going down in a deep sleep as soon as you stopped messing with him.

But this time, instead of leaving, you took off your shoes, changed your dress for a shirt of his you had already used before, and laid by his side, caressing his sleeping face. Letting yourself rest and waiting for the morning to come, when he would be sober enough to have no idea of why his head was hitting him so hard and his mouth was tasting as if he had chewed all night on a rotten candy cane.

"Shit..." he cursed, moving in bed.

And you smiled when he turned towards you, surprising him with your voice.

"Good morning," you said, causing him to come down from his sleepy high like a stone down from a hill.

"Shit, Y/N! You scared the soul out of me! I thought I was alone and..." he stopped, realizing he was shirtless and you were smiling at him.

In his bed.

Under his blankets.

"What are you doing in my bed?"

"Merry Christmas, silly," you said, kissing the corner of his lips before getting up as if it was the most natural thing of the world you walking around with nothing but a shirt of his and your underwear, causing him to feel chills coming down his spine.

Did the two of you had sex?

“Shit!” Hvitserk couldn't remember and worse than telling you his secrets, being rejected and fucking up everything would be admitting that he couldn't remember a moment like this!

His whole body-language changed and you almost broke a rib watching as he was really trying to seem natural about the idea of the two of you together last night.

"I mean... I thought... You would wake up first... Since you always wake up earlier than me," he tried.

"Oh, you thought?" you said, sitting on the edge of the bed, to look at him.

Your eyes causing him to feel even tenser which just made his expression even more unnatural.

"Yeah, I... I thought. Sometimes your good morning messages even wake me up, and..." Hvitserk gulped.

"Oh, seriously?" you insisted, with your eyes right into his.

Too much pressure for him to keep the lie and he sighed, disappointed with himself.

"No, it's not serious. I'm lying because I can't fucking remember a single thing of last night and we probably had sex and I fucking forgot everything about a moment that..." he started speaking uncontrollably.

But you cut his voice gently leaning forward and sealing your lips to his, surprising him with a soft and warm kiss that he took a while to understand he was receiving, but answered as passionate as you wanted to feel for so long.

The two of you tasted the flavor of one another's mouths until the need for oxygen forced you to separate, which you did with small pecks to his lips smiling against them.

"We didn't have sex, silly. But I suggest you get used to this idea," you said, giggling of his confused expression.

"What did I do last night?" Hvitserk asked, trying to understand what changed everything between the two of you in such a good way.

"You? Nothing, babe. You just got drunk enough to tell me what you truly wanted for Christmas. And well, I thought under your tree would be too cold for the night, so I decided it would be better for you to have me in your bed," you joked, giving him a slight flash of what he said.

"Jez..." he mumbled, smiling clumsy.

"That's fine, love," you smiled, "I wanted this maybe for as long as you did. I'm glad you got drunk last night..."

"I'm not... I wish I was really there when I told you this..." he mourned.

"Well, you're here now, aren't you?" you smiled bigger.

Feeling when he caressed your face softly the way you always wanted to feel, allowing you to lean your face in his palm, enjoying Hvitserk's warm touch.

"I don't think I wanna be friends anymore," he mumbled, nuzzling his nose to yours slowly, "I think I love you too much to keep being only your friend..."

"That's great," you mumbled, pecking his lips. “Because I just realized I'm addicted to your taste and I don't want to be anything that cannot kiss you all the time."

Hvitserk's arms embraced you tight. And you sighed against his lips, kissing him deeply, thinking that no Christmas morning was so good in your life before.

But surely your next years would be amazing by his side...

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nikkzwrites · 4 years

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Yesterday Once More | Dark Fix-It Fic Series | Chapter 6

A/N: This fic is one that I started with my OC because honestly, I personally didn’t like how season 3 ended. So I am rewriting all of Dark with my OC Annalise Dahlheim. I hope you all like it. Some things will be expanded more on just for more depth to Dark that season 3 kinda skipped over so…. yeah.

CW: Canon Typical Triggers: Smoking, Sex, Language, Drugs, Drinking, Death, Violence, Suicide Mentions, Cutting, Violence.

Word Count: 5.6k

[First Chapter] [Previous Chapter] [Next Chapter]

The next morning, Annalise groaned as she woke up. She hazily tried to walk out to go take a shower only to bump into a dresser. She cried out in pain. She woke up fully then started to panic. Where was she? She held her head. What was the last thing she remembered? There was a bearded man who bought her alcohol. She closed her eyes trying to think. He reminded her of someone… She remembered mistaking him for someone...Who was it?

“Hey, you’re awake,” Franziska pulled the girl away from her thoughts.

Annalise’s face scrunched in confusion, “How did I get here?” Her head was pounding with a headache, “Can I get some water?”

Franziska nodded and lead Annalise into the kitchen. She folded her arms as she came up with a quick lie, “Oh, you know, Jonas brought you.”

“Jonas,” Annalise asked more confused, “What? No…He...”

Franziska realized her mistake quickly, “Oh well, you know, he apologized and thought it would be best if you stayed here to have some space.”

Annalise nodded as she filled a glass of water and started to drink. “Okay,” she nodded. She didn’t one hundred percent believe it, but she wasn’t exactly in a place to argue. Plus, she had a weird instinct that he was involved last night after she ran from him. That she had seen him again that night. There was a knock on the door. Annalise quickly turned her head.

“Oh you’re awake,” Magnus chuckled, “Have fun with Bar-”

Franziska quickly hit his side and grit her teeth, “That’s not very nice to make fun of her Magnus.” She looked towards Annalise and faked an explantation, “Jonas found you at a bar last night. Magnus helped drag you out. Right, Magnus?”

Magnus got the picture and nodded, “Yeah. That’s what happened.”

Annalise nodded. The girl excused the slip up as a language barrier. She took her phone out of her pocket and said, “I’ll text him a thank you then. I’ll probably head home too.” She placed the empty glass in the sink and walked out. She texted Jonas knowing that he would more than likely tell her if this wasn’t the truth, ‘Thanks for dragging me out of the bar and giving me space. I really appreciate it. Franziska and Magnus told me everything.’

Jonas quickly grabbed his phone hoping that it was Annalise. After everything that had happened, he needed his lifeline. His confusion spread to his face as he read her text. He blinked and wondered what had happened to her. He didn’t want to think about it too hard. He was just grateful she was talking to him. Jonas asked, ‘Are you coming home?’

‘Yeah,’ Annalise texted him back.

With this, Jonas knew he had limited time to actually talk to his mother about his father. He walked downstairs to find his mother already at the table. He sat down with Hannah and asked, “Mom, can I ask you a few things?”

Hannah nodded. She honestly thought maybe it had something to do with Annalise not coming home last night. “Yeah,” she said, “You can ask me anything.”

“How’d you and dad meet,” Jonas asked.

Hannah looked at him then blinked. This was not what she was expecting. Maybe he was trying a roundabout way of asking about romance, “In the hospital.” She answered honestly, “I was 14. Your father had a broken leg. And I was in a bad mood.”

“What was he like,” Jonas pried hoping that maybe all that letter was a lie, “Earlier. Before he got sick.”

This was definitely a weird talk. She shook her head. “He was…” Hannah explained, “different. You never knew if he meant something seriously or not.”

Jonas looked down trying to put the pieces together, “Mom…” He trailed off.

“Yes,” Hannah asked.

Jonas thought for a second. He had no idea what to do. He shook his head and responded with, “Nothing.”

After Magnus had snuck back into the house, he walked downstairs with his sister in solidarity. He followed behind Martha hoping that what Martha was expecting wasn’t actually going to happen. He also wanted to let Martha know that Annalise was safe, awake, and okay. Martha just headed down the stairs behind her brother.

Katharina threw down the remote and went to scold her children, “No, you aren’t going anywhere.”

“Is this supposed to go on forever?” Martha asked, “Keeping us locked up here?”

Katharina offendedly explained, “Locked up? Your brother has only been missing four days.”

“He’s not going to come back just because we’re sitting around,” Martha argued. She honestly was also trying to tell that to her brain that was just trying to make her stay and wait for Annalise to text her back. She tried to push past Magnus.

Katharina yelled at her daughter, “Come back here and talk to me!”

Martha walked into the same room as her mother, “I can’t let the others down. They need me.” She tried to convince both her mother and herself.

“Who needs you,” Katharina asked.

“The play…” Martha replied.

Katharina shook her head, “I thought the play was canceled.”

“No,” Martha explained, “Mr. Mienel said it’d be better t give people a break, so they can think about something else.” Honestly, Martha believed in that cause. She just wanted to use the play to be able to be someone, anyone, else for any duration of time. She cheated on her boyfriend, her brother was missing, and she broke her best friend’s heart by kissing the boy that she definitely had feelings for.

Katharina gave up with people, “Great.” Her voice growing more annoyed, “So everyone is just thinking of themselves.”

“You’re no different,” Martha yelled getting defensive, “Did you once think about us these last few days?”

“That’s enough,” Katharina yelled back.

Martha huffed. She looked around and spotted the posters. She walked over to the and pushed them down, “And how many more of these damned things will you put up?”

Magnus shook his head and tried to excuse Martha’s behavior, “She didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yes, I did,” Martha screamed, “I meant it like that. This is so fucked up! Everyone’s waiting for Mikkel to come back through that door as if nothing happened. Dad doesn’t even dare come home anymore! And no one gives a shit about us.”

“That’s not true,” Katharina retorted, “But for once, this isn’t about you, Martha!”

“You are so blind,” Martha spat venom at her mother, “Everyone’s thinking it, but no one dares say it. Mikkel is dead!”

Katharina slapped her daughter. Martha stared at her and then ran out of the house. Magnus took a deep breath. He walked over to his mourning mother and held her close.

Annalise walked back into the Kahnwald house. Right when she entered the door, the worried boy sprinted over to her. He wrapped his arms around her. He held her close. Jonas’s eyes started to tear up. He buried his face into her neck. He couldn’t believe how easy it was for her to come back. She truly was an angel. Annalise stood there confused. She reached up to pet his head, “Jon-”

The boy quickly intercepted her question with a kiss. Both of his hands cupping her cheeks to keep her with him. He ignored the screaming in his head about something about her seemed off, different. He was so terrified. His lips trembled against hers. All he needed was for her to be there with him. He clung to her as if she was the only thing keeping him there in that world. She was his tether, his serene in the storm. Everything was okay when she was around. Everything was normal when she was there. If he could perfectly encapsulate her to keep as a charm forever, he would. Jonas would do anything to keep her with him, even if it was just to prevent anything else from going wrong. He pulled away only to place his forehead against hers, “Lise, I’m-”

Annalise started to wipe his tears away, “Jonas, it’s okay.” She smiled gently at him, “it’s okay. Everything is fine.” The girl was reminded of having a similar feeling last night. There was something that happened the previous night. Annalise could remember the feeling of having been kissed. Was that… Annalise needed to get back out of her own head about this. She laughed a little bit at the boy’s reaction to her, “You need to calm down Jonas. Take some deep breaths with me and we can go upsta-” She simply had no idea what he was babbling on about. They had cleared everything up last night. Obviously, if they had kissed twice in such a short frame of time, then everything was okay. They were fine now, right?

Jonas shook his head. He dared not to open his eyes fearing that if he were, she would disappear again and this time never come back. “I promise I will make this right,” He vowed. He tore their foreheads away from each other to press his lips against her forehead, “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.” He walked his way upstairs with his hand grasped around her wrist. He looked at her seriously and said, “I have to do something and you cannot follow me. You have to listen to me about this. You can’t get wrapped up in this too. Please just wait for me to get back. I will fix everything.”

Annalise stood there confused as he went into his room. She could hear scrambling around. He was acting erratically. The girl swallowed hard. How could she try to comfort him? There was something that everyone in their circumstances faced when feeling guilt fo something. Sometimes it was best to let them do what they thought they needed to do. Other times, it was best to stop them, ut even in that case sometimes they would spiral worse. She stood there, so close to where he was, yet so far from where his heart and mind were.

Bartosz walked backstage of the play to go talk to his girlfriend. He knew what he had to do now. He wanted Annalise happy. The best thing he could do with that was to take people out of the equation so that way she and the boy she loved could finally only focus on each other. His chest tightened at the thought of her with his best friend, but Bartosz knew that he could never make her happy. She was always going to love Jonas. She always had loved Jonas in some way. He would only be fooling himself into thinking Annalise would ever love himself back. The best he could do is convince himself and Martha that they were in love and leave those two alone. Sure he had to lie, omit truths, but it was all to make her happy. If he could do that, he would be satisfied for the rest of his life. “Hey,” He finally addressed Martha.

She turned to face him, “Hey.”

Bartosz strolled over to his girlfriend and placed a kiss against her lips with his hands cupping her face. This definitely was different. He pulled away quickly trying to not focus on it. He asked, “How are you?” He wondered if she was going to confess to him.

Martha just nodded and walked back to her vanity to reapply her lipstick, “Good.” She knew she was lying to him, but what was she going to tell him? Was she going to tell him that she kissed his best friend in front of her best friend who for all she knew had gone missing? Was she going to tell him about the guilt gnawing at her insides?

Bartosz shifted. He walked closer to her. Was she really going to keep lying to him? He couldn’t blame her though, as much as this was hurting his empty chest, this was all a lie too. His heart wasn’t with them in that room. It was where ever the sunset girl was. “You didn’t call me back,” was all he could muster up to say, “I was getting worried.” He looked down guilty. What he was about to say was the absolute truth. He started with, “I’m so sorry about everything. It’s all my fault.” He thought to himself about if he would have just stayed away from Martha and instead focused his energy on Annalise, how could all of this be different. Everyone would be happy. “I shouldn’t have had that stupid idea with the caves,” He continued to speak his thoughts aloud. When she didn’t reply, he asked, “Hey. Say something. Are you angry with me?”

Martha looked up at him. She felt horrible. Here this boy was putting himself through the wringer all because she didn’t know how to tell him her feelings. She shook her head, “No. Why would I be angry?” She asked that question honestly. She pitied him. He was such a good boyfriend and here she was. Bartosz walked closer. He leaned down to kiss her only to be pushed away. Martha told him, “I can’t do this right now.”

Bartosz stared at her. He swallowed hard. Why couldn’t this just be easy for him? Why could she have the easiest time with what was going on and he felt like his world was ending? He stared at her and asked, “Do you want to leave?” This was his last-ditch effort. He needed her to say yes. He wanted her to say yes so that everything could go back to normal. He wanted so badly to leave this God-forsaken town. “I’ll run away with you,” he offered. He should have done this earlier. Before Mikkel, Before Annalise, Before Jonas. “Honestly.”

Martha shook her head and gave him a small shrug, “The play is about to start.”

Bartosz’s lips thinned into a line as he accepted the news. He turned to leave then asked, “Have you seen Jonas?” He mainly was wondering if they had talked since he had found Annalise. He had forgotten to ask Franziska to text him to let him know Annalise woke up the next morning safe. Plus he wondered if Martha was holding anything more from him.

Martha looked down. Did he really have to ask this? Did he know? Did Annalise tell him? Martha shook her head. No, Annalise wouldn’t. The girl never once actually cared for Bartosz. They were constantly fighting like cats and dogs. But the guilt continued to eat at her. She wished she had the strength to tell him the truth, but instead, she asked, “Why?”

Bartosz shrugged and turned away from her so that she couldn’t read on his face that he was only telling her the half-truth, “No reason. The jerk stood me up yesterday. But… Whatever. I’m sure he’ll come later.” Bartosz left.

Martha stood there looking up towards the ceiling trying not to cry.

Jonas stood in front of the caves. He was finally going to conquer thins and bring Mikkel home. He was going to have everything go back to normal. It was the least he could do for Martha and Annalise. With Mikkel home, they would both forget about what happened the previous night. They would be happy and go back to being friends. He could look Bartosz in the face again. He could be happy with the girl who put the work in to make him feel at home again. He could properly move on from the girl he slept with once who later dated his best friend since he wasn’t home. He crossed the line to walk inside.

Katharina stormed into her house from putting up posters about Mikkel. She tried to make herself a cup of coffee. She started to look at what else was on the table. She found an itemized bill for Ulrich’s cellphone. There was a number she didn’t immediately recognize on there that seemed to be a regular caller. She called the number only to be greeted with Hannah’s voice.

Annalise had changed and hopped into the shower. While she was there, she looked at Jonas’s products. A curiosity arose from her. She picked up his body wash and sniffed it. It was familiar and reminded her of the boy, but something ate at her. After her shower, she walked to her dirty clothes from the night before and this morning. She picked it up and smelled it. It smelled like a cologne had rubbed off on it. She placed it into the basket and went to the cabinet. She opened it to try and find if Jonas even had any. She found his deodorant. She took it out and smelled it just to check. No. That wasn’t a match either. Annalise shook her head. Now she was being weird with paranoia. She could just ask Jonas when he got back. Annalise slipped into her pajamas and walked into Jonas’s room. She sat on his bed and turned on his television to try and find something to pass the time until he got home. Annalise was initially supposed to see Martha’s play. But with the way things were now, she really didn’t feel like going to support her friend.

Jonas walked deeper into the cave. The deeper he went, the farther from his reality he felt. He took out his map and looked more at it before making his way into the dark.

Regina looked over her information with her hotel as she waited for someone, anyone, to come in. She closed her records upon seeing Ulrich. She asked him, “What are you doing here?”

Ulrich just stared at her then said, “1986. The night my brother went missing. What really happened?”

Regina squinted, “That was over 30 years ago.”

“You were the last one to see him that night,” Ulrich explained, “Did you notice anything unusual that day? Did he say something? Something strange? Anything at all?”

Regina shook her head.

Ulrich then asked, “Did you know they were having an affair? Your mother and my father.”

Regina made a face and nodded, “Mads was the only person I knew who never said a bad word about anyone. I’ve always asked myself, why him, of all people? I always thought it should have happened to you instead of him. But there’s no justice in this world. And the absurd thing is… had it not been for you and Katharina maybe Mads wouldn’t have disappeared. Mads knew I was afraid to walk home alone because of you two. Because of what you did to me. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have gone with me and returned through the forest and the whole thing would have never happened.”

“What happened in the forest back then,” Ulrich tried to defend himself, “It was a game. We wee children. We all made mistakes back then.”

Regina spoke up, “And still you never apologized for it.”

Ulrich sneered, “So this is about an apology for you? So that’s how you see yourself. A victim? Poor innocent Regina. You’re so fake it makes me sick! You told your drunken, good for nothing, grandpa that I raped Katharina.”

Regina gasped, “That’s what you thought?” Her face furrowed with confusion.

Ulrich took a deep breath. He looked at her concerned and confused, “Hannah saw you back then. At the police station.”

“Hannah,” Regina asked, “The same Hannah who at 14 was so in love with you that she would have done anything to have you?” Regina laughed, “But I guess that hasn’t really changed. So that’s what you thought all these years? That I spread that story?” Her face dropped, “Why would I do something like that? I’m not half as bad as you are.”

Just as Ulrich turned to walk out, Regina finally started to allow herself to cry. She finally understood why all of this torment had started for her.

As Martha got ready for her play, she looked out into the crowd. Her heart sank as she didn’t see her friend or Jonas there. Only Bartosz. She wondered if she should try texting Annalise again. The girl had left her on read for a while now. She grabbed her phone quickly and texted, ‘your ticket should be at will call with my family. You are still coming, right? I really want to talk this out. Please.’

Jonas squeezed his way through the tunnels following the guidance of the map. It wasn’t long before he noticed a string. It was very similar to the one that was on his bike the last time.

Back at the Kahnwald’s, there was loud banging at the door. It sounded as if an animal wanted to burst in. Hannah called Annalise that she would get it and hurried down the stairs to open the door. Right when she opened the door, Ulrich burst in. He stormed through the home at Hannah. “What are you doing here, I thought…”

Ulrich interrupted the woman, “What do you want from me?”

“What,” Hannah asked confused.

Hearing the commotion, Annalise snuck downstairs just enough to be there if Hannah needed her. Her heart raced. She could feel her chest start to close around itself. It was so hard to breathe.

“What do you want from me,” Ulrich repeated. When Hannah didn’t reply, he grabbed her neck and pushed her into the wall. “It was you in 1986,” he growled, “You gave a statement against me in the rape case. How sick are you?”

Hannah pulled at his hand, she could barely make out, “You’re hurting me.”

Annalise sat. She was frozen. She was terrified. She had never seen Ulrich that angry before. She squeezed her eyes shut and started to sneak her way down the stairs.

“Are you trying to ruin me,” Ulrich asked, “Do you want to destroy my family? Is that what you want? What do you want?”

Annalise stood behind the man and asked him with a face drenched in tears and terror, “Ulrich?”

The man quickly let go of Hannah and turned to her. His heart sank. He started to tremble. Was this also in Hannah’s plan? To use a girl that she knew had become like a daughter to him? Ulrich wanted to hurt Hannah just as much as she hurt him. He had a hunger for revenge. He turned back to Hannah, “You know what? You’re poison. You snuggle up close like you’re honey. But it’s just poison. How did your husband put up with you for so long? No wonder he couldn’t take it anymore, in the end.”

Hannah slapped the man hard across the face. Anger boiled within her.

Ulrich sneered. He started to leave, “I thought I knew you.” He stopped in the doorway and said, “How easily one can be deceived by people.” He took a look back at Annalise. He waited to hide his tears from her. Then he walked outside to head home after slamming the door.

Just as the door slammed shut, Annalise ran to Hannah and held her. The teen crying from terror. She clung onto Hannah. Hannah breathed hard then looked down at the woeful girl clutching her. She pet the young girl’s head. She leaned down and kissed it gently. “I’m okay,” Hannah whispered, “I’m okay.”

Bartosz sat and watched as Killian gave his speech during the play, “Now you have heard of her, the daughter of Minos. You think you know her. Is she not beautiful and good? You have let yourself be enchanted. By her words. By her pretty gaze. But, believe me. Everyone, whether the daughter of a king or not, has one foot in the shadow and only the other in the light.”

Jonas followed the tread. He kept his hand on the string. He knew that he could trust it. It would show him the way.

Aleksander called his wife. He had just found Regina’s letter about her cancer and had called the doctor to confirmed her diagnosis. He just straight asked her, “When are you coming home?”

Regina sat in the car as it poured outside. She explained, “Soon. I’m just picking up Bartosz from school. He insisted on going to this play.”

Aleksander sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about it while his son was going to be home. There was no need to worry him right now. The man simply stated, “I am here for you. You know that. No matter what. Don’t be late.”

Regina started to panic. He must have found the results. She didn’t know what to do. She loved her husband so much. She didn’t want him to think she was hiding it from him out of malice. It was just easier for her to forget if she didn’t tell anyone. As they hung up, they both exchanged their ‘I love yous.’

Martha sat with her classmate on the floor of the stage. She handed him a ball of red yarn and said, “Take this. It will guide you. You have to go deep inside, to the center. He’s waiting there in the shadows. Half human, half beast. You must be quick. Aim straight for the heart.”

“But is he not your brother,” the fellow teen in the play asked in character.

“It’s all the same to me,” Martha explained. Katharina slowly snuck in and found a seat in the back. “This bond we tie now, promise me you will never sever it.”

“I promise,” the boy said.

Soon, Jonas ended up at the midpoint. He, then, took out his geiger counter to follow the signal just like the not in red marker told him. He ended up finding himself to a coffin-sized tunnel. He took a deep breath and crawled inside.

“Nothing but darkness surrounds me,” Martha’s play continued, “Eternally lurking in shadows. I have not eaten in days. My eyes are turning black. The end is nearing. Just as he once descended into the maze, I now descend into the mine.”

Annalise lay in Hannah’s bed with her. Both of them still shaken from Ulrich, well mainly Annalise. The girl didn’t want to leave the woman’s side just in case he came back. Lise had seen intent in his eyes. He was a man on the edge and he could really have done anything. With Jonas gone as well, Annalise just felt safer staying with Hannah.

Hannah stared at the ceiling. She sighed gently. Her head turned to study the girl next to her. She reached out gently and started to pet her head. Her lips trembled. Was this what it felt like to have someone else other than family care about you. Was this how Ines felt when she came into Michael’s life? It was such a strange feeling. Hannah never had a daughter herself nor had she ever really wanted one before this moment.

Jonas crawled to an elegant door. It was so intricate. There was a triquetra in a circle on it with the words, ‘Sic Mundus Creatus Est.’ Jonas looked at the door before opening it and crawling through.

“So now I stand before you. No king’s daughter. No man’s wife. No brother’s sister. A loose end in time,” Martha steadied on, “And so we all die alike. No matter into which house we are born. No matter which grown. Whether we grace the earth briefly or for a long time. I alone tie my bonds. Whether I have extended hands or slapped them. We all face the same end.” Martha started to cry, “Those above have long forgotten us. They do not judge us. In death, I am all alone and my only judge is me.” Martha actually started to let it out. All the tears and pain she was feeling. All the guilt wept from her.

Katharina, realizing this was not part of the play, ran to her daughter. She gently took hold of her daughter and held her. She cooed in Martha’s ears, “Everything’s okay. I’m here.” She rocked her daughter gently.

As Jonas passed through the tunnel, every electrical device started to flicker. Katharina took this time to get Martha off the stage. Hannah reached out and pulled Lise into her arms so that way Annalise could stay next to her. The mother just hoping to see her son soon.” Charlotte still tried to investigate but was running around in circles as Peter and Tronte sat in the bunker. It was right on schedule of what the book told them.

Katharina walked her daughter out as Regina walked in trying to get her son. “Is the play over,” Regina asked, “You did you drag your daughter off the stage to save her from the sick people in this town? If you can’t stand living here… Why don’t you just leave?”

Katharina turned and just started to wail on Regina angrily. She was so frustrated and angry. How dare anyone speak about her or her daughter in such a manner?

Magnus luckily was walking inside from spending time with Franziska. He quickly pulled his mother away from the other woman and Martha stood frozen in the doorway.

Jonas just crawled his way to another door. He was able to open it with his one hand. A large gust of wind pushed against him as if telling him to g back. Then it suddenly stopped.

“Did you see that,” Regina tormented, “That is who your mother really is. You and Ulrich, you truly deserve each other.” Magnus walked his mother back to her bag until she pulled away from him. Regina plead, “Tell them what happened back then! Tell them who their mother really is.”

Katharina nodded her head out the door, “Let’s go.” Her two children scrambled through the doorway and followed her to the car.

Ulrich sat in his car staring at his photo album. They were filled with pictures of him, Mads, and his own children as babies. It wasn’t until one picture caught his eye and he realised the boy they had found, was Mads.

Bloodied and bruised, Regina walked into the arms of Aleksander who was awaiting her. He wrapped himself around her as she cried into him.

The rest of the Nielsen’s made their way home hand in hand with the others. Magnus and Martha climbed the stairs. It wasn’t long before she knocked on her brother’s door. She complained that she couldn’t sleep.

“Go away,” Magnus instinctively commented.

Martha leaned against his door frame, “Can we talk?”

“Yeah.” Martha walked in and laid now next to Magnus. Her head on his shoulder. Magnus then asked, “What the fuck was all that back at school?”

Martha answered honestly, “I don’t know.” They stayed in silence for a moment before she asked him, “Do you think things will ever be the same again? You know what I find weird? You don’t actually know your parents, do you? What they were like as kids or teenagers. You’re family, but you don’t really know anything about each other. Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Okay,” Magnus told her, “but keep those cold feet of yours on your side.”

Martha giggled, “You know who had the coldest feet?”

“Mikkel,” they said in unison. They laughed for a second.

Magnus smiled, “I don’t know how any of us dealt with that. He also would just put them on you if he knew it would bother you.”

Martha smiled, “Annalise used to just put socks and slippers on him before he was allowed in.”

Magnus laughed, “Yeah well when she got woken up by his kicking, she would come over here with me then sneak back in in the morning.”

“You never told me that,” Martha looked at him, “Why didn’t she just stay in my bed?”

“She said you talked too much when you two were supposed to be sleeping,” Magnus smiled.

Martha raised her brow but nodded. That was true. They never knew how to shut up when they were close. The would stay up all night reading scary storied or playing truth games or would you rather.

Jonas slowly made his way out of the cave. As he made his way to the bus stop, it started to rain. He slowly pulled up his hood and stared at the missing posters of Mads. As he stood there a truck stopped by.

A small girl lowered the window and her father called to him, “can we give you a lift? A bit late to be walking around alone.”

Jonas stared at the man. He recognized both of them almost instantly, that was his grandfather and his mother.

Hannah called to him, “You shouldn’t stay out in the rain so long.”

“Why not,” Jonas asked.

Hannah rolled her eyes then replied, “Because it’s acid. Chernobyl? People say it’s not in the rain anymore, but I don’t believe it.”

His grandfather told Hannah, “Hannah, move over. Come on, hop in. I’ll drive you home.” Hannah opened the door to welcome him inside.

In 2019, Hannah listened to the soft breathing of the girl asleep next to her. Hannah sneakily stole the girl’s phone and started to look through the pictures. There were a lot of her and the Nielsen’s, but before that, there were just some with her, her mother, and a man that looked to be her father. There was one of all three of them laughing while her father took a selfie of them. It was around Christmas time. They had matching pajamas on with giant smiles and laughter laying in bed together. Hannah smiled. Tears gently rolled down her cheeks as she was reminded of her own family.

Back with Jonas, he was actually fully processing what it meant if that girl was indeed Hannah, his mother. “Thanks,” Jonas said, “I’m okay.”

The two drove away from the boy confused at what just happened not realizing that the boy was their next of kin.

#yesterday once more fanfic #dark fanfic #dark netflix #dark netflix fanfic #dark (netflix)#dark (netflix) fanfiction #fix it fic #break it differently

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inevitably-johnlocked · 6 years

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Hey! Er... I was wondering if you could like... recommend me some married!johnlock fic. Also, this is an extra... But I want to say that I really like your blog, and it's one of my favorites (sorry if I wrote something incorrectly, English is not my mother language... Also I'm a little nervous sending this...)

Hi Lovely!

Firstly, don’t apologize for the language barrier! Your English is lovely! Thank you so much for your kind words about my blog!

Next, I’ve made a couple lists before relating to this exact thing:

Marriage and Weddings

Proposals

As for actual fics where they’re actually married? Well, I initially thought I had none until I did this list, LOL!! I’ll also give you some of my “Established Relationship” fics too, just to fill up space! :D

WEDDINGS / PROPOSALS, HUSBANDS, & ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS

A Discourse on the Inadequacy of a Duvet by guns_and_poses (T, 1,005 w. || Est. Rel., Fluff, Humour, Bed Sharing, Romance) – Sherlock keeps stealing the covers when they share a bed because he wants John to move closer to him when they are sleeping but of course doesn’t want to ask. John gets annoyed at first until he realises what Sherlock wants and is more than happy to oblige.

This Isn’t About the Bathtub by cypress_tree (G, 1,142 || Marriage Proposal) – John and Sherlock go to Angelo’s for dinner. In both of their pockets are rings they are going to propose with, but the other has no idea. John proposes first, and Sherlock answers by pulling out his engagement ring.

Bringing Colour to the World by SD_Ryan (G, 1,168w. || Est. Relationship, Sickfic, Fluff, Schmoop) – In which we encounter a sick detective, a snuggle on the couch, and a silly fairytale.

Under The Covers by berlynn_wohl (E, 1,221 w. || Est. Rel., Shy Sherlock, Anal, Fluff) – John would have liked to have the lights on and seen everything, but Sherlock was shy, so they did it this way, always.

John Was Nice Like That by hannah_baker (T, 1,307 w. || Est. Rel., Fluff, Body Worship, John’s Bum) – Sherlock Holmes may not ever sleep, but that hasn’t prevented him from having a kip on the couch with John.

here’s to love (here’s to us) by trustingno1 (G, 1,309 w. || Weddings, Fluff, Best Man Speech) – “I suggested that he ask Greg,” John says, “to which he replied, ‘Who?’,” and Greg pushes back from the table, exasperated. “I then made the mistake of suggesting his brother, to which Sherlock enumerated twenty-three reasons that that was a terrible idea.” (John’s best man speech at Sherlock’s wedding).

So, this is normal for us now? by TooManyChoices (M, 1,445w. || Bed Sharing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Est. Rel., Cuddles) – John and Sherlock have been sharing a flat, and a life for some time. This is a story of how the glacially slow movement of their relationship makes another agonising crawl forward another inch.

To Sleep, Perchance to…Cuddle by nerdyandiknowit (NR, 1,563 w. || Sleepy Cuddles, Fluff, Stubborn Sherlock, Bedsharing, Cuddles & Snuggles) – Almost immediately after they got together Sherlock formed this dependency on John-he could not (or would not as John believes) sleep without John being there, in bed, next to him.

A Metaphorical Gesture by cyparissus (T, 1,578 w. || Marriage Proposal, Fluff) – “Sherlock, are you–” the words die in John’s throat and he has to swallow and start again, “Are you asking me to marry you?”

and yes I said yes I will Yes by Mithen (T, 1,662 w. || Fluff, Humour, Est. Rel. Marriage Proposal) – Sherlock has deduced that John is going to propose to him, and he’s ready to accept. If only John would actually get around to it…

Biggest and Best by Sexxica (E, 1,815 w. || Est. Rel., Dildos, Sherlock’s Size Kink, John’s Giant Junk) – John Watson has a huge cock. Sherlock wants it inside him. Part 2 of Tumblr Ficlets Gone Wild

The Marriage Proposal Negotiation by Goddess_of_the_Night (G, 2,161 w. || Dev. Rel., Possessive Sherlock, Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, First Kiss, Post Mary) – Sherlock hasn’t ever really done anything the traditional way, so of course it wouldn’t bother him to propose to John even though they’re not even dating. And the fact that John is already on a date with someone else when he decides to do it? Tedious.

You Know, The Old Saying by songlin (T, 2,248 w. || Wedding, Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Engagement) – “Marry me. I need to have you forever.” Unrepentant husbands!Johnlock fluff.

In Which John is Attractive and Sherlock is Angry by kim47 (T, 2,382 w. || Fluff, Est. Rel., Jealous Sherlock) – Sherlock’s reaction to finding out that everyone wants HIS John, and how he told them to piss off and get their own Watson.

Unwanted by 221b_hound (T, 2,436 w. || Est. Rel., Wedding Rings, Asshole Exes) – In the jewellers to collect their wedding rings ahead of the Big Day, an old friend of John’s spots him. Well. I say ‘friend’.Sherlock isn’t jealous. He’s possibly a little bit grateful. That doesn’t mean Lydia Templeton isn’t an idiot. Part 19 of Unkissed

Let the Sun Fade Out by nothingislittle (E, 2,711 w. || Fluff & Smut, Praise Kink, PWP, Obsessed Sherlock, Bottomlock, Heart-Tearing Love) – “He could warm the sun itself, Sherlock thinks, could heat their flat with just his presence, could brighten the room with one dazzling smile or just the sparkling in his eyes. John is everything, he’s beautiful and he shines, he’s everything.”

Extraordinary by queenoftrivia (G, 2,860 w. || Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Morse Code, Est. Rel, Violins) – Sherlock’s deduced that John’s going to Italy to buy him a violin. Even the greatest detective alive makes a few mistakes.

Engaged by lifeonmars (NR, 3,146 w. || Marriage Proposal, Fluff, Holmes Family, Song Fic) – Sherlock did not believe in marriage, but he wanted to be married. He found this something of a surprise. Part 2 of Damage

And as the seasons change, I love you more by Teatrolley (NR, 3,219 w. || Fluff and Angst, Est. Rel., Marriage / Proposal) – A year in the lives of John and Sherlock, essentially.

Unmissed by 221b_hound (M, 3,235 w. || Est. Rel., Pet Names, Insecure Sherlock, Worried Sherlock) – John enjoys a good brawl during a case, and Sherlock begins to worry - when they retire, will John get bored? Will John get bored and leave. But even if John isn't a genius about cases, he knows a thing or two about Sherlock's panic attacks about them as a couple. With only four days till the wedding, he's not about to let Sherlock continue with this misplaced notion that John will be bored in retirement. Part 20 of Unkissed

Straight Shooter by nefariosity (E, 3,249 w. || Est. Rel., Light Dom/Sub, Military Kink, PWP) – Sherlock has a military kink. John indulges him.

Bagged & Tagged by Regency (T, 3,339 w. || Drunken Confessions, Fluff and Crack, Marriage Proposal) – A very inebriated John devises a clever means of proposing marriage to Sherlock. Unfortunately he’s forgotten all about it by the next morning.

In Nomine by Atiki (E, 3,517 w. || Est. Rel., PWP, Anal, Domesticity, Love Confessions, Sherlock Loves John, Overwhelmed Sherlock) – “Alright?” John asks gently, planting a kiss on Sherlock’s left collar bone, smoothing a hand down his chest and belly until it rests in the soft trail of hair below his belly button. John’s smile is all soft and warm. His hand feels tender and solid and real. A soldier’s hand. A surgeon’s hand. A lover’s hand. Oh. “John”, Sherlock gasps. And that’s where it begins. Written for a prompt on the Kink Meme: The only word Sherlock says during sex is “John”.

Rumpled by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 3,601 w. || Est. Rel., Insecure Sherlock, Fluff, PWP, Proposal, Bottomlock) – Then, halfway through a documentary on river otters that neither of them was paying attention to–how could John, with a gangly, limp consulting detective practically purring in his lap?–Sherlock suddenly bolted upright, looked at John with a perplexed expression and a crinkle above his nose, and blurted, “Marry me.” Part 4 of Longitudinal Cohort

Happy anniversary by Salambo06 (E, 3,772 w. || Est. Rel., Vulnerable Sherlock, Wedding Anniversary, Anal, Texting, Lingerie) – John inhaled deeply, feeling his cock pulse under the silk gown, and he let his eyes travel on the lean body in front of him. Sherlock was kneeling on the bed, their bed, and the picture had been taken so John could perfectly see his bare chest and pelvis. But what mattered most, what made John harden rather quickly, was the pair of panties Sherlock was wearing in the picture. Black, string over each hip and laces that outlined Sherlock’s erect cock barely hidden under the soft underwear.

Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E, 3,834 w. || Est. Rel., Public Sex, Coming in Pants, Humour, Halloween, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple’s costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn’t agree and exacts sweet revenge.

Love and Hair Dye by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 3,920 w. || Est. Rel., Body Worship, Self Conscious John, Voyeurism, Idiots in Love, Smutty Smut) – Self conscious John decides to cover the greys on his head, and the colour isn’t what he thought it would be. Now he’s more self-conscious than ever.

Let me be the wallpaper that papers up your room by Teatrolley (NR, 3,966 w. || Est. Rel., Two Idiots in Love, Fluff, Domestics) – Four seasons in the life of Sherlock and John, really.

subterfuge isn’t subterfuge if you don’t know what the hell you’re doing by scullyseviltwin (T, 4,157 w. || Est. Rel., Fluff, Anniversary) – The entire idea was ludicrous, and terrified John a whole hell of a lot.

Fine Print by mistyzeo (E, 4,224 w. || ACD Holmes || Est. Rel, Retirementlock, Glasses, Oral, Hand Jobs, Bees) – Holmes needs glasses, but he’s too much of a stubborn arse to go get his eyes checked. Watson is used to bullying him for his own good. The glasses have unexpected but not unwelcome consequences for everyone.

Keep Each Other Company by orithea (E, 4,600 w. || Est. Rel., Threesome, Self-cest, Time Traveller Sherlock) – One Sherlock is demanding enough. Two of them are impossible to resist. Part 3 of The Time Traveller’s Flatmate

Unforgiven by 221b_hound (M, 4,721 w. || Marriage Proposal, Victor Trevor, Jealous / Protective John, Jealous Sherlock, Sherlock’s Past) – Sherlock’s latest case is for his ex boyfriend, the brilliant and handsome Professor Victor Trevor. John is not too happy about that. But things aren’t what they seem, an old friend of John’s is involved in the case, and John has a few surprises up his sleeve. Also - a proposal! Part 16 of Unkissed

What Happens in Vegas (is legally binding in the United Kingdom) by moonblossom (E, 5,051 w. || Accidental Marriage, Friends to Husbands to Lovers, CSI Crossover, Fluff & Porn, Bathtub Sex, Hand Jobs, First Time) – When a case sends the boys to Vegas, John comes out of it with a bit more than he bargained for. Part 19 of Prompt Fills, Remixes, Works inspired by others

Midnight Plowboy by weeesi (E, 5,399 w. || Est. Rel., Fake Vintage Gay Erotica, Anal, PWP, Roleplay) – “Does it feel like I’m sure?” John whispers into Sherlock’s ear. Sherlock swallows again.

All the Flavours, Cherry and More by cwb (E, 6,274 w. || Est. Rel., Lip Gloss, Lingerie, Birthday Presents, Insecure Sherlock) – Sherlock feels a blush rising to touch his cheeks, more sensual than uncomfortable now that he knows John isn’t disgusted by him. No, John is responding exactly the way he had hoped.

Abatement by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 6,816 w. || Est. Rel., Retirementlock, Fluff, Sherlock’s Self Esteem, Grumpy Sherlock) – “What’s wrong with you? You love the cottage,” John glances over to the passenger seat, then quickly turns his eyes back to the road. Driving was still not his forte, but considering Sherlock still couldn’t properly bend and lift his new knee enough to press and release the clutch, he had to make do. Not that Sherlock hadn’t tried to argue his way into the driver’s seat. “I love the cottage for a week or two, John. Don’t be deliberately obstuse,” Sherlock grumbles, sinking further in his seat. Well, as best he can with a four-week-old knee replacement. “And that’s all we’re going for, love,” John says out loud. But what he’s thinking is, shit. He knows.

Caught In The Act by ShirleyCarlton (E, 7,009 w. across 6 stories || Est. Rel, Voyeurism, Character POV’s, Mastrubation, Switchlock) – This is a series of six scenarios written from the points of view of six different people as they accidentally walk in on Sherlock and John having sex.

Beg for Mercy (Twice) by Solitary_Endeavor (E, 7,060 w. || Est. Rel., Bottomlock, Bearded John, Edging, Rough Sex, Idiots in Love, Canon Compliant) – Sherlock hasn’t left the flat in four days, the itch of impatience beneath his skin too great to allow him to suffer interaction with any human being who isn’t John. This is probably a mercy that goes both ways, as he’s driving even himself mad. Sherlock supposes there is a lesson to be learned here about having himself to blame, but of course he blames Mycroft.

Christmas by WhimsicalEthnographies (E, 7,673 w. || Worried Sherlock, PWP, Drunkeness, Christmas, Est. Relationship) – John feels a lump rise in his throat, and it hits him, again, that this beautiful, infuriating creature is his. Completely, one-hundred percent his.

With This Ring by Quesarasara (E, 9,121 w. || Est. Rel., Marriage Proposal, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, Embarrassing Hospital Visits) – Sometimes even the best of plans go wrong. And sometimes wrong turns out to be exactly right.

the first day of forever by darcylindbergh (E, 11,850 w. || Est. Relationship, Domestics, Light Angst, Insecurity, Emotional H/C) – “I’m going to marry you,” John murmurs with against Sherlock’s smile, and they both giggle in the joy of it. “We’re getting married.”“Yes,” Sherlock says, just to hear himself say it out loud. “We are.” A June wedding. Part 4 of things fairy tales are made of

And if you say the word, I could stay with you by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,842 w. || Domestic Fluff, BottomJohn / Topping from the Bottom, Fluff and Romance, Dirty Talk, Proposals) – What Sherlock thinks is, On the day I die, be it in a dirty alley at forty or in my bed at eighty, the last thing I will remember is tonight, the way you looked at at me on the snowy pavement, cheeks pink with the cold, breath puffing in frosty white clouds, your heart in your eyes and snowflakes in your hair. I will remember that single perfect moment in my life, that moment I knew I had everything I ever wanted, and whatever happens next, I will die content. What he says is simply, “Marry me.”

Your Eyes in Darkness Glowing by tamed_untranslatable (E, 14,686 w. || Est. Rel., Case Fic, Hotel Sex, Bottomlock, Anal, BJ’s, Porn With Feelings, Homophobia) – Sherlock gets roped into a case in Moscow on his brother’s insistence, but finds that he can’t do it without John.

Never-Ending Cycle by orphan_account (T, 17,211 w. || Christmas, Est. Rel., Proposal, Fluff) – Or, four times Sherlock Holmes attempted to propose to John Watson, and the Christmas Party at which he finally did. Sherlock thinks he’s a miserable failure, John is confused, Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade provide some unsatisfactory advice, and Mummy is, as always, the solution. All in a lovely, fluffy holiday theme.

About Sleep and Coffee and the Existence of Fate by Atiki (E, 17,426 w. || Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Humour, 5+1) – Naturally, John was startled when suddenly the ultimate solution occurred to him: Marriage. This was, of course, a bit of a fundamental problem rather than an actual solution. One didn’t simply use the words “Sherlock” and “marriage” within the same sentence. Not even in a hypothetical context. Five times John kind of wanted to propose to Sherlock, and one time he didn’t have to.

Achieving the Together-Coloured Instant by teahigh (E, 20,776 w. || Est. Rel, PTSD, Codependency, Fluff & Angst, H/C, Smut, Demisexual Sherlock, Experiments) – John wonders if this is how it’s going to be: A life speaking in code, because they’re both too stupid to figure out how to say, “I love you.”

The One With the Proposal by kim47 (E, 22,375 w. || Fluff, Romance, Marriage Proposal) – Proposing shouldn’t be this difficult.

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock’s five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Resistivity and Relative Charge by liriodendron (E, 41,750 w. || Synesthesia, Angst, Case Fic, Romance, Est. Rel., Homophobia, Religious Content, Victor Trevor, Mild Jealous John, Mild John Whump) – In which Sherlock Holmes meets an old acquaintance, John Watson doesn’t enjoy a trip to the country quite as much as he thought he would, and the past absolutely refuses to stay where it belongs. Part 3 of Conductivity

Bedroom Tales by Junejuly15 (M, 49,950 w. || Friends to Lovers, Through the Years, H/C, Military Kink, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Insecure Sherlock, Voyeurism, Post-TRF, Ficlets, Fluff and Angst, Fix-It Fics) – Bedroom Tales is a collection of John and Sherlock ficlets. They are set at various stages of their relationship and are in no particular order. Some are fluffy, some sexy, some angsty, there is hurt and comfort, romance and love. What unites them is that they all play in a bedroom, but not necessarily the one in 221B.

A Love with No Name Series by aceofhearts61 (G to M, 49,955 w. across 20 stories || Asexual Sherlock / Straight John, Est. Rel., Queerplatonic Relationship, Romance, Cuddling, Fluff, Platonic Romance, Domestics) – In which Asexual!Sherlock and Straight!John are platonically in love life partners.

between each beat are words unsaid by darcylindbergh, hudders-and-hiddles (T, 107,998 w. || Epistolary, Slow Burn, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending) – On their wedding night, John and Sherlock gift each other with the things they each said when the other could not hear, the things they each put down where the other could not see: a collection of writings that illustrate the way their love for one another has grown over the years. Part 1 of between each beat

Perdition’s Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Breakable by MissDavis (E, 117,627 w. || Established, Fluff/Angst, Depression, Paralysis, Happy-ish Ending) – After John is seriously injured, Sherlock struggles to figure out how to help him, keep himself sane, and maybe, just maybe, get their life back to the way it’s supposed to be. Part 1 of Breakable Not Broken

A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird (E, 152,869 w. || Omegaverse / Prime Universe Crossover || OmegaJohn / AlphaSherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Angst, H/C, Dub Con, Humour) – Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship. Prime Sherlock and Prime John are not. So what happens when a freak fold in the universe switches one John for the other?

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

#steph replies #my fic recs #johnlock fic recs #established relationship #sarah-the-phantom

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sneek-m · 6 years

Note

It's a very personal question but have you ever faced racism/discrimination/sexism?. I am asking it because i've faced it before.

Yes, of course. I’m a Japanese immigrant, so I experienced (and still continue to experience) anti-Asian racism in my case. Thankfully, I didn’t experience too intense of racism growing up where I would get aggressively bullied for it. I went through the very typical stuff like purposeful slanting of eyes, pretending to talk that mocking made-up Asian language, or the “no, where are you from?” questions. But I wasn’t not let into social circles or prevented from gaining access because of my race.

Because the racism acted on me growing up were relatively light, or more so microaggressions, I wouldn’t really internalize it as racism until very recently when I got more exposed to the conversation regarding racism at large. When I discovered the term “microaggression,” things started to piece together. I’m still doubting myself if you can call some of my experiences as acts of racism because it’s not this intense act of hatred often imagined whenever people talk about “people being racist.” But I think if someone makes you feel some type of discomfort regarding your racial identity, that ought to be a type of racism. Like, asking me the meaning of random Japanese brand names is racist in my eyes. It’s the same ignorance that made me very closed-off about speaking the language in front of people.

One thing I constantly think about are some of the interactions with my Mexican friends’ families in the past. I live near the border of Tijuana, so there’s a large population of Mexicans in my city; students in my high school were predominantly Hispanic and Southeast Asian. Their families are all nice folks who welcomed me with open arms, but I was also called chino by my friend’s older brother before. I accept it as a title of endearment, though it still rings the same way as an American person just generalizing me and the rest of Asian people as Chinese. They also can’t really seem to talk to me beyond topics of Japan, like how it’d be nice to one day travel there. It’s not hurtful, though I also start thinking if my racial identity may actually be a barrier because they can’t fathom any other commonalities we might have.

There’s this one bad racist encounter that was disgusting enough in retrospect that I think it may have left some damage in me going forward. A once-close friend of mine was just bad at making conversation with me in general, but he constantly tried to connect with me through stuff adjacent to Japanese culture. Like, it wasn’t so much of a conversation as much as some game for him to name as many things that we both knew from my culture –like Pokemon, Doraemon and Initial D – even if it was just name recognition. He had this very bad habit too where he felt this need to always be the clown in the room, so he would mimic Pikachu’s cry or say konnichiwa in his best anime-cute voice. He reduced my entire culture to caricatures for laughs.

When I first got into Japanese music a few years ago, I would cringe at what that friend would make of it. I just imagined him mocking it for the sake of a laugh. Growing up, I wasn’t too proud with things from my culture like anime, manga, idol pop and stuff like that. At one point, I just didn’t really want to be perceived as Japanese, and I think subconsciously I knew outwardly liking all that wouldn’t help with that goal, even though I didn’t necessarily hate them. Because you had people like him who would both exoticize the culture and mock it for its exoticism, I never thought much of my culture as rich as people made it seem.

It was always weird when friends would tell me to “be more proud of my culture” when I would speak about my discomfort to speak Japanese in front of them, but they also perpetrated why I wouldn’t particular feel so proud about my culture. That upset me a lot looking back, that they thought I somehow looked down at my culture. I was actually proud of it. They just didn’t know they didn’t provide a comfortable enough space for me to really show it.

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anima-contritum · 7 years

Text

hamilsquad magic!au headcanons

A/N: this au is my baby so please be gentle with it. if you guys wanna write stuff based on this (which i myself will eventually do) then ask me and credit me and @11wolfpup11 because she had a big part in creating this world with me. this is just a little bit of something big that i have tons of notes on so feel free to ask questions and such (: as always, enjoy! p.s. this is my first hc so idk if im doing it right o well

Alexander:

Weather Wizard

this boy can make the sunniest day instantly cloudy and dark if he’s in a bad mood

when he cries, it rains with flashing lightning and thunder that shakes the ground

overall, donT MAKE HIM UPSET

he will either strike lightning down on your ass or have a storm cloud follow you for a week

one time after he fought with Jefferson, he manipulated the static electricity so his hair was frizzy

Thomas nearly killed him for it

When he first discovered his powers, he set off a hurricane

he and his brother were fighting pretty bad to the point that’s what set Alex off

poor Alex couldnt control it, it was like a giant burst of energy exploded inside of him

it destroyed the entire town killing hundreds

he could hardly forgive himself after knowing this uncontrollable thing inside himself caused it

everyone hated him once his secret powers were exposed

there were riots and it all got pretty dangerous until he was finally able to be transported to Flilria Magic Academy

Very bisexual and very flirty

when he first met Angelica, the ice witch nearly froze his face off for flirting with her

(John still laughs his ass off at that fact)

even after that he made the mistake of thinking dirtily about John Andre when the man could literally read every thought

(again, John still laughs)

but despite all that, Alexander still shamelessly flirts with Laurens and usually is very protective of him

Defiant as fuck

on his first day of attending Flilria, he got sent down to Headmaster Washington’s office at least 6 times

part of it was because he nearly talked Professor Seabury out of his own classroom

another part was because he was veryyy close to kicking James Reynolds into the next fucking dimension for abusing Maria and degrading Hercules and Laf

John:

Potions Wizard

this freckled cutie is a total geek when it comes to potions and spells

he can create any potion knowing the ingredients and chants no matter what, like the information was already in his brain

he can also turn water into poison if he tried hard enough

when he first learned he could this kind of stuff, he accidentally poisoned one of his classmates from the human world and had to run away - again

HeS BEEN/GOING THROUGH SO MUCH PLEASE PROTECT HIM

his biological dad - whom no one ever speaks of (and surprisingly isn’t Henry hehe) - abused him both physically and emotionally

John was blamed for his mothers death when she died from the birth

his dad took his anger and grief out on him, cursing him so every full moon he turns into a hideous beast and so that his kiss was poisonous

when he was old enough, John ran away

for a while he lived on the streets with almost nothing to live on

it wasn’t until he was taken in by the Laurens’s did he know a little bit of compassion

but in John’s experience, everything good has its end

Henry had slapped him across the face and beat him black and blue for accidentally knocking over a very antique and expensive family heirloom

he ran and never looked back

even after being taken into Flilria Academy, he has a hard time

people bully him because he isn’t that powerful

(in which Alex tells them to fuck off unless they want a foot where the sun don’t shine)

he has a hard time dealing with his ability because it just reminds him of his powerful and dark biological father

just

please protect him

(more on the curse)

my poOR BOY

John could never press his lips against someone’s skin, for the person would die

its intention is to prevent John from ever falling in love (but boy oh boy that didn’t stop him)

to add to it, the curse prevents him from ever speaking of it to anyone

it kinda cuts off his words and leaves him speechless for a moment

the curse itself acts as a live darkness that can take over his body and mind or cause him pain if it senses something it doesn’t like

not even magic can cure the curse...

Alex has tried too many times to count

Loves Alexander despite the damn curse

he can be shy about it but is generally very open about his affections for the other boy

but he always has mini heart attacks whenever his lips get too close to Alex’s skin

there was one time where they nearly kissed

John avoided Alex for a week after, terrified of killing his love and best friend

he often helps him with tests and stuff when it’s based on potions and all that hoopla

it’s all very cute and fluffy, but can be a big danger

(verY ANGSTY)

Hercules:

Earth Wizard

this boy can pick up boulders and bend metal wiTH HIS MIND

(i kinda based his powers off of Avatar oops)

he can also do crazy natural disaster stuff like earthquakes

super damn powerful but literally the sweetest boy ever

in addition, he can spawn cute lil flowers and other earthy things

(he likes to put the flowers in Laf’s hair)

He caused a devastating earthquake when he first tapped into his abilities

it killed his family and nearly everything around him for miles was in ruins

nobody was able to pinpoint the cause so Herc was shoved around like every other orphan

that was until he was teleported to the magic school where he first met Lafayette - his roommate

He was selectively mute for a very long time because of the after effects of the earthquake

it left him traumatized

he was speechless for a very long time, occasionally learning ASL words to ask Laf for something

Laf was always there, teaching him new sign language and talking to him even though there was no reply

Laf was just generally okay with it and both supported and defended Herc through it all

this went on until one day Lafayette was rambling on about not having a Moon Stone for his collection

Herc had perked up and gotten up from where he was sitting. It took a bit to find it, but when he did he gave the Moon Stone he had to Laf with a small smile as two words passed his lips. “Keep it.”

(Laf made it into a necklace and wears it everyday)

That was the first time he had spoken since the earthquake

Please love and respec and protec

for a while, Herc would only ever talk to Laf

it would progress from quiet one worded responses to whispered sentences to full conversations

but even though he talks to Laf doesn’t mean he talks to everyone

he’s still trying to get passed his barriers and talking to others but most times it comes out in stutters and broken whispers

he has really bad anxiety but still tries

most times Laf has to stand up for him because others use his struggles against him

He’s scared of his powers

no lying, he’s one of the most powerful kids in the school

but because of the earthquake and avoiding his powers, he doesn’t know how to control it

it’s very hard for him to do big things at a time because he’s terrified if he pushes the limits he has set, he’ll hurt someone

it all comes down to his bad anxiety but he does try if he’s encouraged

sometimes the encouragement can be someone messing with Laf

he learned he could bend metal from that one time someone called them a homophobic slur and he lost all sense of control

it still scares him though when he tries new things

Lafayette:

Animal Wizard

this pure boy can talk to animals

even though he can do this though, he sometimes has trouble understanding certain animal dialects

it’s kinda like how people can’t understand a different language if we don’t study it

he can also sometimes compel them if he has to but he hates it

He haS A BADASS PET DRAGON

he found the dragon egg under a giant willow tree

after carefully watching over it and keeping it safe, it hatched and out came a little black and blue scaled dragon he’d name Saule

(Saule translates to Willow in french)

Laf would soon learn that he and Saule established an unbreakable bond after she was born where they can speak telepathically and feel each other’s emotions

now as she’s basically a teenager in dragon years, Saule’s the sassiest lil shit ever

she always teases him about his giant crush on Hercules

oH and she breathes electricity rather than fire which is pretty cool

at this point, she’d be about the size of a very large dog

essentially, she’s like Lafayette’s sister and will do anything and everything she can to protect him

Fun fact; he was one of the first students at Flilria

he was very young when he learned of his abilities

his family had gotten into a car accident that got his mother killed and he unconsciously called out to a family of bears that took him from away the incident

when little Laf finally got to Flilria, good ol’ Gwash became like a father to him

in other words, they’re very close

Very much likes Hercules

that is all

he just likes him

a lot

he will protect him and love him

it’s very cute and domestic and not angsty and goD I LOVE MULLETTE LET ME LIVE

#hamilton #alexander hamilton #John Laurens #Hercules Mulligan #lafayette #headcanon #magic!au #angsty kind of #fantasy #mullette #lams #hamiltrash #i hope this isnt shit

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aliyahquizonwrites · 4 years

Text

An Ode to the 2010′s Playlist

It’s the end of the decade and here I am taking you into a remarkable journey of loss, sadness, heartbreak, happiness, friendship and love--all in one combined in a series of albums that made my heart flutter and crumble into the nothingness of my existence. It’s not that a big deal really, since I’ll be sharing you the albums that stood by my side during my darkness of times, and moments of pure euphoria of course.

In this ode, I’ll be giving “Songs to Listen” which is basically my favorite songs in the whole album and that you guys can also listen too.

It’s a melange of different genres (with no particular order) that shaped who I am today--of course, music has no languages and barriers and it speaks to our soul. It makes us who we are and the music that fills our voids into somewhat that create different meanings that interpret life itself. Basically, music is life in a nutshell.

Prendre plaisir.

1. Beneath the Skin (2015)- Of Monsters and Men

Songs to Listen: Crystal, Hunger, Black Water, We Sink

2. Kids in Love (2015) - The Mowgli’s

Songs to Listen: I’m Good, Sunlight, What’s Going On, Love Me Anyway

3. English Rain (2014) - Gabrielle Aplin

Songs to Listen: Salvation, November, Please Don’t Say You Love Me, Home

4. Melodrama (2017) - Lorde

Songs to Listen: The Louvre, Green Light, Supercut, Perfect Places

5. Pink Tape (2013) - F(x)

Songs to Listen: Airplane, Ending Page, Rum Pum Pum Pum, Snapshot

6. A Head Full of Dreams (2015) - Coldplay

Songs to Listen: Up&up, Everglow, Adventure of a Lifetime, Army of One

7. Crush (2014) - 2NE1

Songs to Listen: Gotta Be You, Come Back Home, Happy, If I Were You

8. Brother Act. (2017) - BTOB

Songs to Listen: Missing You, Nanana, Dreaming, Finale: Our Concert

9. Seoulite (2016) - Lee Hi

Songs to Listen: Breathe, Blues, My Star, Up All Night (Basically the WHOLE ALBUM IS A BOP)

10. Kwon Ji Yong (2017) - G-Dragon (Kwon Ji Yong)

Songs to Listen: Bullshit, Untitled, 2014, Superstar, Middle Fingers Up

11. No Sound Without Silence (2014) - The Script

Songs to Listen: Man on a Wire, Never Seen Anything Quite Like You, Flares, Without those Songs

12. Hamilton: An American Musical (2015) - Lin-Manuel Miranda

Songs to Listen: My Shot, Yorktown (The World Turned Upside Down), Satisfied, Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story (JUST LISTEN TO THE WHOLE ALBUM!!)

13. Reputation (2017) - Taylor Swift

Songs to Listen: Getaway Car, I Did Something Bad, King of my Heart, Dress (THIS ALBUM DID NOT DISAPPOINT)

14. All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend (2016) - Aurora

Songs to Listen: Half the World Away, Running with the Wolves, Runaway, Conqueror

15. Badlands (2015) - Halsey

Songs to Listen: Colors, New Americana, Roman Holiday, Gasoline

16. Save Rock and Roll (2013) - Fall Out Boy

Songs to Listen: Alone Together, Miss Missing You, Where Did the Party Go, Just One Yesterday

17. MADE (2016) - Big Bang

Songs to Listen: Last Dance, Loser, Bae Bae, Sober (WHOLE ALBUM IS WORTH IT)

18. Freudian (2017) - Daniel Caesar

Songs to Listen: Japanese Denim, Best Part, Blessed, We Found Love

19. CLAPCLAPCLAP! (2019) - IV of Spades

Songs to Listen: My Juliana, Dulo ng Hangganan, Come Inside of My Heart, Bawat Kaluluwa

20. Move (2017) - Taemin

Songs to Listen: Love, Move, Flame of Love, Rise (THE WHOLE ALBUM IS A MUST LISTEN GRR)

21. Play (2014) - Akdong Musician

Songs to Listen: Give Love, Melted, On the Subway, Don’t Hate Me

22. Red (2012) - Taylor Swift

Songs to Listen: All Too Well, The Lucky One, Starlight, I Almost Do

23. Four (2014) - One Direction

Songs to Listen: 18, Fool’s Gold, Fireproof, Girl Almighty

24. ÷ (2017) - Ed Sheeran

Songs to Listen: Dive, How Do I Feel, Hearts Don’t Break Around Here, Nancy Mulligan

25. Overexposed (2012) - Maroon 5

Songs to Listen: Payphone, Daylight, Beautiful Goodbye, Sad

-----------

To be honest, this post is long overdue (lol). I think I made this post way past December 2019, an ode to the 2010′s and enter 2020 with the bang. But I guess, 7 months into quarantine, I think it was the other way around. Despite that, I hope y’all guys are safe in this difficult time. Wear a mask. Do preventive measures.

#song recs #album recs

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handsofazeroth · 7 years

Text

Cursed

(( This is... literally the first thing I’ve written in ages but to hell with it, if it’ll help get me back in the swing of things. I’m stupidly self-conscious but this is part of the reason why I made the blog, SO...))

Viel has just stepped out of the portal from Netherlight Temple when she was immediately accosted by a tall, blonde blood elf male, whose wild eyes and frantic behavior immediately tipped her off that there was something wrong with her dear brother.

“Vain? By the Light, what-”

He did not let her finish. Vain, her younger brother by a few years, put a finger to his lips and shushed her, taking her by the hand and pulling her along out of the building. Tugging her down the steps, despite her protests and questions, he did not answer, and it wasn’t until she ripped her hand from his grasp and planted her feet that he stopped and turned, his beautiful face wracked with worry. And what else was that? Grief? So rarely did she see him doing anything other than flashing charming smiles, it was a shock to see him actually, genuinely upset over something.

She had to know something about what was going on, though. “Vain, what in the world is going on, you can’t just grab me like that. I was running an errand for Archbishop Faol.” They simply needed some more supplies, but still, she took her job seriously, and would hate to keep her mentor waiting. But the way her brother was looking at her now gave her pause, and she folded her arms, waiting.

Vain shifted uncomfortably on his feet, and waited to speak until a group of paladins had walked past them, heading for the portal to the Sanctum of Light. Even then, after they had passed, he leaned in and spoke in a whisper, a hint of desperation and fear in his voice. “Viel-- Viel, I think I’ve been cursed.”

There was a long pause. The siblings stared at one another as the silence passed between them, one with eyes wide, the other looking increasingly skeptical.

She couldn’t tell if he was serious, or if he was just an idiot.

Viel truly wasn’t sure what to make of this. Actually, her first instinct was to believe that her brother had taken too much bloodthistle, but he didn’t seem to be exhibiting any of the usual signs. Her brother wasn’t high, which normally would be a good thing. Now… coupled with this revelation of his, she was troubled.

It took a moment of deliberation before she pulled her hearthstone from a pouch at her belt, and motioned for her brother to do the same. “Come, then, we’ll speak privately, back at the guild. But I swear, if this is a joke--” “It’s not! Please, I’ll explain everything once we’re home.” The relief in his voice was clear, and she felt guilty for a moment for doubting him. She took his hand now as they hearthed back to the town they called home in Silverpine Forest, the best place for them to have a completely private conversation.

The town itself wasn’t all that impressive. It was a collection of fixed up homes and an old inn, long ago abandoned by its original civilians when the Scourge passed through the area, and the plague made the land near uninhabitable. The original five members of their group had cleared the area of undead and plague, and erected a barrier around the town to keep any unwanted guests out. Now, every member had a rune tattooed to one of their fingers that allowed them access past the barrier, and most if not all of them had their hearthstones set to the inn.

Now, the group had expanded, and the five were now three times that in number. Not every member of The Hands lived in their quiet village, but there were always a few people present on any particular day.

Today, as Viel and Vain ported to the grassy lawn in front of the guild hall, they were greeted with the sound of frantic barking, as one of Eshrose’s pets, an undead wolf named Felicity, bound over to them, slobber leaking out of a tear in her cheek. Viel was quick to put a bubble around herself that the beast bounced harmlessly off of, but Vain was not so quick to act, as the wolf turned to him instead. She easily knocked him to the ground as he let out a desperate yelp, trying to shove her away.

Just as she was about to coat his face in undead dog spit, there was a sharp whistle from their left. The beast raised her head, cocking it to the side, and ran off to join her master, who had just saved Vain from an entire afternoon of rigorously cleaning himself. Eshrose waved cheerfully at the two of them, before giving Felicity a fond pat on the head, leading her outside the barrier. It seemed as though she was setting off for a hunt.

Normally, such an encounter with the dead wolf would have left her brother more irate, and there would have been a dramatic show as he went to complain at Eshrose loudly for her pet nearly ruining his whole day. But today he simply got back to his feet, making a disgusted face, and motioned for his sister to follow him to a small building past the inn that served as their guild hall.

The two siblings had a small cottage to themselves, build up from one of the many ruined homes in the town and decorated in the reds and golds of their homeland. They generally came and went as they pleased, not usually living there at the same time, but since neither had any significant others they were usually able to share the space without any issues. Occasionally, Viel might need to kick out her brother and his friend, Hagakure, after an eventful evening of potion brewing and getting high from fumes, but for the most part they lived and worked in harmony.

The cottage had remained empty for the past month or so, as both siblings had been spending all of their time in Dalaran and around the Broken Isles, fighting the Legion threat. Viel silently lamented to herself over the growing dust that she noticed settling around the entry room, as she and Vain slipped inside, shutting the door behind them.

(Perhaps she would see if she could hire a mage to enchant the home, to keep it clean while they were away. That was something they could do, right? She had never studied the arcane, but she didn't remember their old home in Quel’thalas ever having dust anywhere. The entire realm was spotless, something that she found herself missing at times.)

Finally, the first real privacy they had had together. She turned to her younger brother, eyes narrowed, and said just one word.

“Explain.”

Vain stopped by the hearth, turned, and took a deep breath.

The words came tumbling out of him, uncharacteristically fast. “I think someone may have cursed me, or charmed me? Oh, it doesn't matter the specifics, the result is the same. My every waking moments have become consumed by…” He paused, and made a useless gesture, a half shrug directed at nowhere. “By thoughts of one person in particular. It wasn't so terrible at first, but it has been growing, to the point where I find it difficult to focus on missions.”

Viel stared at him silent.

This. Moron.

She was about to speak, when her brother cut her off, apparently not even close to being finished.

“I'm not sure who has done this, I'm sure there are plenty of friends and enemies alike who would love to have me distracted in such a way. That's why I had to speak to you alone, you're the only one I trust not to pull such a trick on me.” He leaned against the mantle above the hearth with a dramatic sigh, putting a hand to his face. “Even now, wracked with worry, I can't stop thinking of him. I fear at this rate, I will fall completely under the spell.”

He wasn't giving her a chance to respond. Oh, she was so mad at this idiot, she should have known. Really, this was on her for humoring him, but he had been so upset, she had thought something was actually wrong! She was just as much an idiot as he was!

“Vain--”

“Of course, I do not want to believe that he had any part in this, he seems so oblivious to my plight. Or is it all an act?”

“Vain.”

“Could the spell be preventing me from implicating him in this? He seems so kind, I cannot believe that he would--”

Finally, she snapped. “VAIN!”

Her brother raised his eyebrows in surprise, momentarily shocked out of his monologue. While he was still stunned, she took her chance, putting her hands on her hips and leaning forward, hissing out her question.

“Who.”

There was a pause.

Her brother responded slowly, still trying to parse what she meant. “I… pardon?”

Oh, this was just ridiculous. “Who, Vain! Who is this person you're obsessed with?”

She watched closely, taking note of the way her brother’s face flushed pink, the way he nervously pushed some of his hair from his face. Every small motion was only confirming her suspicions about what what actually happening here.

He cleared his throat, blush creeping up his ears. “Ah, that would be… Arator.”

Viel’s stomach twisted into a knot, and now it was she who needed a moment to recover from this information. When she spoke again, her voice sounded strained, almost a little panicked.

“Arator Windrunner?”

She didn’t need Vain to answer. His expression and body language said it all. He’d begun wringing his hands, and could no longer meet her gaze. She stared him down anyway, eyes fierce, before her energy seemed to drain from her. She moved from her spot by the door, past Vain and into the kitchen area.

Her brother watched, mouth open slightly in confusion, as she knelt down to produce a bottle of arcwine from a cupboard, gifted to her by the Shal’dorei for helping to care for a new group of refugees fleeing Suramar City. She set it on the counter and, after retrieving a glass from the cabinet, began to pour herself a drink. It took every amount of restraint she had not to drink straight from the damn bottle. But this wasn’t a drink that was easy to come by, so she set aside the bottle and sat down at the table without touching what remained.

“Light save us all.” Was all that she said, before downing the glass far too quickly.

By now, Vain’s steadily growing concern had turned to all out fear, and he hesitantly approached, sitting down across from her.

Viel wasn’t looking at him anymore. She was so, so tired. Emotionally. Physically too, of course, she had been running herself ragged lately, but that didn’t really play much into her mood now. She loved her brother to pieces, but sometimes he was so, so stupid. It was exhausting that she still felt like his babysitter. Or at least, in this case, perhaps his mother?

Vain cleared his throat in an attempt to get her attention again, and even though she didn’t move, he seemed to assume that she was listening, and spoke anyway.

“So… that’s, ah, bad, then. … Do you really think that he’s the one who--”

Suddenly, Viel slammed her hand down on the table, earning a startled yelp from her brother.

“Light damn you, Vain, you have a crush, not a curse!”

If she had been less irritated with the whole situation, Viel probably would have savored her brother’s expressions a little more. He went through a whole range of emotions in a matter of seconds, from confused, to amused, and then, slowly, to dawning horror. All traces of blush had left his face as the blood drained from it instead, and he stared ahead at her with wide, green eyes.

This was something he should have realized sooner. The idea that someone would have to curse him for him to feel anything other than mild attraction was just so beyond belief to her, but she knew her brother and the way he thought. He was only interested in himself. Or, he pretended to be, in an effort to appear more… normal? Put together? Whatever the reason, her brother’s name (or at least the Common meaning of it) described him perfectly.

As he started to scramble for some sort of answer or rebuttal, she propped her head up on one hand, crossing her legs under the table. Still, a Windrunner? Those weren’t exactly a Horde friendly family, save for Sylvanas, but as far as she knew she and her nephew didn’t have any sort of relationship. And here was her poor brother, falling for a goodie-goodie paladin.

But also, poor Arator. She wouldn’t exactly wish her brother’s affection on him. He seemed like a good person, as far as she knew, and Vain was… well. He was himself.

There were a thousand ways this could go wrong. Very few it could actually go right. If anything, just because of Vain’s nature, and his apparent inability to accept that he actually did have a crush on the half-elf boy.

As illustrated by the way he still seemed to be wrestling with this new truth, trying to find a way to deny it. His movements had turned jerky with his nerves, and he gotten up from his seat so he could pace in circles.

“V-Viel, dear, I don’t think that’s it, that’s not… I’m not…” He almost looked a little like he was going to be sick, and he raised his arms up in a shrug, trying to force a smile. Viel would worry for him, if she didn’t know that half of this was his dramatic flair. But her response was quick and blunt. “You are. Vain, literally everyone except you has known for… for forever.”

If anything, this just made her brother look increasingly distressed. He stopped his pacing, repeatedly running his hands through his hair as though it was actually a mess, fixing it even though it was perfect. It was always perfect. After a minute he stopped, and turned towards her, not meeting her gaze again.

“H-hah, well, thank you for the talk, Viel, I really must… must be getting on to, oh, you know, other things.” He spoke too quickly, motioned towards the opposite side of the house, where his bedroom was. “I trust that you won’t be speaking about this conversion to anyone, anyone ever Viel, please. Please.”

Even as he spoke, he was retreating away from her slinking back to his room. She was sure that he had some bloodthistle tucked away in there somewhere, and that he planned to get high in an attempt to… what, deflect? Ignore the truth? This wasn’t something he could hide from tomorrow. He had missions to run with his fellow paladins, Arator included.

But he was free to do what he wanted. She wasn’t his babysitter, not anymore. And the arcwine was starting to get to her, leaving her more relaxed and in a slightly better mood. So she only waved a hand at him as she left, calling out her goodbye right before he closed himself up in his room.

“Goodnight, stupid. Think on this for a while. And for Light’s sake, if you tell the man how you feel, try not to be weird about it.”

She didn’t know her brother’s reaction. The door was already shutting, with perhaps a little more force than usual.

Viel waited another minute or so, before she sighed heavily and rested her head down on the table. How in the world had it taken this long for her dear, stupid brother to realize how gay he was. Perhaps it was funny (or irritating?) that it took him meeting someone as pretty as he was for it to actually click.

She didn't want to move. Really, she needed to get back to completing those errands for the temple, but it likely wouldn't be wise for her to go. Not to mention that her mood was still a little… well, it wasn't the best. She felt slightly guilty for being so angry at Vain, now that he was actually gone.

A quiet sound from behind her caught her attention, like someone shifting between their feet. Without turning to look, she raised a hand in some sort of half-hearted greeting.

“Lynnetta, I do hope that's you, and not someone else.”

The raspy chuckle that answered her confirmed her suspicion. At some point, the rogue must have slipped in to spy on them. Or maybe she had just always been here, and they hadn't noticed her. No one ever did, unless she wanted them to. Either way, this wasn't an uncommon thing that she did, and if it had been anyone else she would have been angry.

She trusted Lynn, though. She wouldn't tell anyone about what she had overheard here. Viel finally turned in her seat so she could face the undead, who was crouched down in the corner by the door.

Lynnetta raised her head slightly, and then gave her a small wave before she stood to her full height and made her way over to the table, sitting opposite of Viel where Vain had been before.

“Do you think you were maybe a little too harsh with him?” She asked as she steepled her hands together, her expression hidden behind the mask she wore.

Viel made a face and shrugged, running a finger around the rim of the now empty glass sitting in front of her.

“Perhaps. He needed to hear it, though.”

Lynnetta didn't disagree. If anything, judging by the tone of we voice, Viel thought she might actually be smiling behind the mask.

“It's a wonder it took him this long to figure it out.”

Viel snorted, and started to get up so she could grab another glass of arcwine, but the rogue shot her hand out to grab her arm, stopping her. This was for the best, she supposed, as she sat back down with a heavy sigh.

“Oh, I know. And it's a Windrunner he's set his sights on, of all things.” Though perhaps this was a concern she should be keeping to herself. Across from her, Lynnetta tilted her to the side, but didn't offer up a reply. The rogue had her own opinions of the Windrunners, Sylvanas in particular, though Viel found her hard to read on this particular front. She was about to change the subject when her friend surprised her, speaking up finally.

“I think he's a good man. Should I have a chat with him to be sure?” She still sounded somewhat amused, but there was a hint of seriousness behind that. And something that might have been threatening as well. Viel was quick to wave a hand in dismissal.

“No, no, let him sort this out on his own. He’s a big boy, he can handle this.” That might actually be doubtful, but she was going to keep an eye on the situation regardless. “Honestly, I'm not sure he'll even do anything.” Not that she had any frame of reference, since her brother had never actually be interested in anyone except for himself.

Lynnetta drummed her fingers on the table, silent, and finally stood, turning for the door. “Well, then. Sorry to intrude. His distress was… concerning. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a serious problem.”

“Pff. You and me both. I suppose you were right about be being too harsh, I fear I may have overreacted.” Perhaps she would apologize later. Maybe even offer some advice? Light help her, she couldn't even imagine how that might go.

To her surprise, a quick laugh came from behind the rogue’s mask, and she moved silently to the door, pausing in the doorway before she slipped out into the dusk. “Things are always complicated with family. … Try not to drink too much, Viel. You'll make me jealous.”

And before the priest could respond, Lynnetta was gone, the door clicking quietly shut behind her. Leaving Viel still sitting at the table, with head full of thoughts and wine.

Tomorrow would be another day, full of stress and work.

Tonight, though… well. One more glass couldn't hurt.

#Vain #Viel #Lynnetta #Eshrose #World of Warcraft #my kids are so stupid

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isedoraklopper · 7 years

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Rewired brain

As I get further into research other aspects of what I thought I knew, even about myself is becoming apparent to not be what I thought I knew. I am someone who has spent years on self-introverted reflection, trying to find answers and then one day there it was. An idea, a concept to place it in. However I was faced with something else. First was figuring out what Selective Mutism is and how this would affect my life.

Selective Mutism (SM) is defined as a consistent failure to speak in specific social situations, in which children are required to speak, despite speaking in other situations. SM is associated with significant challenges that last more than a month and is not affected because of language barriers (Chavira, Shipon – Blum, Hitchcock et al., 2007). Often identified in children when they become socially engaged in schooling or early education, such as play groups. It is still seen to be a primarily childhood disorder, it’s always interesting having to define this to other adults.

What it meant is I don’t always act as many would “expect” to be socially correct, confusing others, or being labelled as weird. Like so many SM people, a person with SM is an innate fear or anxiety of initiating speech or being overheard in the proximity of a given trigger person or collective people. A SM person could speak in one situations but be unable to do so in another (Sutton & Forrester, 2016).

I was always especially considered weird as I had never really conformed to what was expected of me as a female. I took to training martial arts from a young age, which was odd for most, and have managed to stick it out. My research however raised something very interesting to my own reflections.

I have dwelled into the forest of Polyvagal theory which suggests that most people are able to gauge danger and love by gut instincts, which generally accurately detects how relative the danger the situation is. People with a challenged social engagement systems are prone to misinterpret safety as a threat and objective danger as safety. All of which we are innately born with, it’s just how our brains are wired, though some external influences can occur, it’s an innate response to stress or trauma (Porges, 2011).

What it means is that as long as people feel threatened they can not engage meaningfully with members of the same origin or others, and could resort to more primitive means or fight or flight behaviours to ensure survival. In situations where danger is inextricably high and stressful, the fight and flight will break down, which leads to immobilisation with result of behavioural shut down (Porges, 2011). Needless to say, a penny dropped. Maybe, just maybe there is something far more going one which is why my brain has always switched off in places, why I was born SM.

Why when this happens, a connection between the visceral state and emotional expressive state breaks down, it can almost be seen that the body almost holds a score sheet and what the memory of the stress or trauma is, and is then encoded into visceral experiences that can manifest in the forms of heartbreaking and gut wrenching emotions. This visceral state then colours how a person sees their surroundings. The physiological state that the person is in precipitates very different outcomes in response to the presentation of the same stimuli or stress (Porges, 2011).

As a person who has lived with SM for years, my visceral state means I worry constantly, ‘why is this?’, ‘what am I afraid of?’, ‘why can’t I stop doing this?’ and ‘what do people think of me? I spend a lot of time saying sorry or worrying I am brothering my friends when I want their ever so comforting company. I have a friends who get very frustrated with me too, some who never quite manage to give it the time needed for me settle into a rhythm with them. I have had to figure it out for myself, I had to work out what was wrong with me, since my SM was not diagnosed as a child or as a teenager. It’s feeling alone, because you’re that one person that doesn’t talk and people have usually not encountered this before, and they don’t understand why you can’t speak, or think you are refusing to speak (Sutton, C. & Forrester, C., 2016).

In this case, or my case, and some other individuals I have spoken to, the visceral system can fail to protect them as it gives false negatives and positives, or prevents the person from engaging in the fullness of what life has to offer (Porges, 2011). So a overwheliming feeling of being alone, or trapped. I am an avid loner myself, purely because of a lack of understanding, and like so many SM people, choose my friends very selectively.

Which then had me ask a question, one I had not thought of for a long time. I am also very different to so many SM, some looking at me like I’m completely mad to say even say that I am, because to them, I am well adjusted, hold a job and walk around teaching all day. I am also a therapist, which requires a lot of talking. The difference is I have always been deeply introspective, intuitive, especially about others and of course, stubborn. It wasn’t just this that helped, the point of difference (other than my family) for me was training martial arts.

I have had countless instructors who were patient beyond words, who not invested in my skills, but also, put a lot of effort in growing me into a decent human being. Once you become a certain level, leadership is encouraged, and this so embedded in the training, I did not even realise that it was happening, that my brain, SM and all, was being rewired.

Looking back at this, now as an adult and an instructor, it makes sense. It also tells me why I became the martial artist I am and also why I teach my students the way I do, though they sometimes say I’m strict, have all had positive feedback about their training, my knowledge and the benefits from this. Why so many with social anxiety, anxiety, depression, trauma and disciplinary challenges have walked through our doors. Why when someone says to get therapy for SM is something that should be done I become frustrated.

Not only do most not practice with adults who have live with SM, but therapy cuts off after a few sessions. It was the consistent presence of my instructors and training regime that helped me, that grew me into an instructor that gave me my missing voice. The same training that means now being out with my friends, I am consistently, and more importantly calmly assessing dangers and safely gauging an appropriate response. Though SM will always be there, haunting me in the back of my mind, it isn’t the same beast it once was.

I have gained control and management of SM, through a training martial arts, which tells me that intermittent therapy is not as effective and medication is not always the best option. How when I am with my friends and we may be fine playing pool or whatever it is we do on any given day, do I then keep them and myself safe, know that we could all stand in this together, and because of that, know, I can stand with my clients and students.

References

1. Cohen, S., Chavira, D. & Stein, M. (2006). Practitioner Review: Psychological interventions for children with selective mustism: a critical evaluation of the literature from 1990 – 2005. Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health. Blackwell Publishing: Oxford, UK

2. Porges, S.W. (2011). The Polyvagal theory: Neurophysiology foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, self - regulation. Courier Westford, USA.

3. Sutton, C & Forrester, C. (2016). Selective Mutism in our words: Experience in childhood and adulthood. Jessica Kingsley Publisher: London, UK

#SM #Martial arts and SM #Rewired my SM brain #Selective Mutism #Adult Selective Mutism

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omgmicheal01me · 5 years

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Brumby Tales: The little girl who saved Fifita from 'the dark side'

Fifita, 23, will make his Super Rugby debut when the Brumbies play against the Canterbury Crusaders on Saturday. It would be a daunting challenge for most - playing against a team of All Blacks at a venue the Brumbies haven't won at since 2000. But Fifita has been down the hard road, and survived. It started when he arrived in Australia seven years ago carrying only a backpack stuffed with two pairs of shorts, two shirts, thongs and traditional Tongan dress. Every step since has had a layer of intrigue or challenge. Like being able to speak minimal English when he arrived, mainly limited to "yes", "no" and "I'm hungry". But language wasn't his biggest barrier. Fifita says it took him longer to adjust to sleeping on a bed when he won a rugby scholarship to a prestigious Sydney school after previously sleeping on a mat on the floor in Tonga. Loading The plush surrounds of Newington College were a long way from his humble roots, where his father, Sunia, was a prison guard and, as part of the job, the family lived on the base and shared their home with murderers and thieves who would work in the house as part of their sentence. "That was normal to me, but I guess other people think it's a bit strange," Fifita said. Then there was the time when Fifita blew out to 142 kilograms and injuries threatened to ruin a promising career before it had started. The hardest pill to swallow, however, was when doctors told Fifita and wife Lute they had just a 30 per cent chance of having children. They say Elenoa was a miracle and now they're expecting the birth of their second child in July. Becoming a father helped motivate Fifita to get fit again and he joined the Canberra Vikings, which helped him secure a Brumbies contract. To chase his Super Rugby goal, he spent six months driving from Canberra to Sydney and back at least three times per week to juggle family and rugby. But sympathy? Fifita isn't looking for it and doesn't expect it. He says everything he has been through has taught him to be grateful.

Vunipola Fifita drove back and forth to Sydney for four months to visit Elenoa and Lute.Credit:Sitthixay Ditthavong "When I first met Vuni he was at his peak - always happy. Then the injuries came and that played a big role in knocking him around," Lute said. "He thought he would never comeback. Now he's at the Brumbies and I've seen the biggest change in him. He always tells me he's doing it all for Elenoa, that's his main driver. He wants to push himself for his children. "But when he was going through the rough patch, he never showed it. I could tell he was the lowest I've ever seen him and I always knew." Fifita says he biggest eye-opening moment was the birth of Elenoa, who is named after his mother, and added the support of his wife prevented him from a spiral towards depression. "Lute was there when I really needed help. I don't know if someone else would do what she did for me. When she fell pregnant, that woke me up," Fifita said. "When I was low, Lute was still there. When he had the baby, it was something for me to strive for. "There was a time when I didn't want to do anything. I was living with my dad's sister [in Sydney] and I didn't want to play rugby after having surgery on my shoulder. "I thought after playing for the Australian under-20s that maybe everything would just happen. I expected it rather than working for it and I had to learn the hard way. "It took my missus and the baby for me to realise you have to work for it and earn it. Every time I see Elenoa it just brings you that positive energy and vibes."

Vunipola Fifita will start on the bench against the Crusaders on Saturday.Credit:Dion Georgopoulos Fifita has definitely earnt his shot against the Crusaders this week. He was called on to the Brumbies bench to be the back-up loosehead prop to James Slipper and will be matched against a front-row full of All Blacks. But it's a moment he has been looking forward to since he took a chance on a scholarship program and arrived in Australia in 2012. He turned down an opportunity to go to school in New Zealand in 2011 because his father only wanted him to leave Tonga if he could move to a place surrounded by family. MOVING TO AUSTRALIA A year later he got a chance to move to Sydney, where Sunia had brothers and sisters, to attend Newington College, the same school which produced now Brumbies teammate Allan Alaalatoa. "I still remember the day I first came over here - Australia Day, 2012. I had to sit in front of all of these guys and do interviews in English [to get the scholarship], it was pretty crazy," Fifita said. "I didn't think I would ever get picked. I was nervous and worried about the new environment and I struggled early. In Tonga I slept on a mat with a blanket and pillow. I went from sleeping on the floor to sleeping on a mattress. Loading "I went from wearing thongs to wearing school shoes. Then I had to learn how to speak English. Newington taught me a lot and I had a great time there." He played for the Australian schoolboys and Australian under-20s, sharing a room with Tyrel Lomax and seemingly being on the cusp of a long professional career. Then the injuries hit. He chipped the bone in his shoulder and had to have surgery, stalling his rise and also preventing him from working as a labourer. His health insurance didn't cover the operation and he only had $2000 of the $9000 needed. So Lute and her family made up the difference. But the operation put Fifita in a dark place. He started eating junk food, stopped training and all of a sudden weighed 142 kilograms. The arrival of Elenoa and marrying Lute in front of 350 family and friends was the change he needed. He agreed to join the Canberra Vikings but the move was complicated by being away from his two biggest supporters. So he drove back and forth between Sydney until Lute and Elenoa moved to Canberra in February and he will run on to the field in Christchurch at a Super Rugby weight of 116 kilograms. "He was just eating junk and weighing himself all the time. But the Brumbies gave him a chance and he's so happy," Lute said. BECOMING A PARENT Loading Lute was diagnosed polycystic ovary syndrome and had cysts removed. Doctors opted not to remove one cist because they said it would shrink. "And the next thing, Elenoa was the biggest surprise. I remember Vuni was in complete shock when I told him," Lute said. "She has been the biggest blessing and now we've got a little boy on the way as well. I was so scared that we wouldn't have children. "Vuni comes from a family of six siblings, he wanted a family. It's been an intense journey and definitely rewarding. I had a few health issues when he wanted to play [for the Vikings], and I understood why, but I cried. "But moving to Canberra as a family has been the best. It's all been worth it. He tells me he's doing this all for us, but he doesn't need to tell me that because I can see it. This is his dream." He will get to experience the dream as the Brumbies' back-up loosehead prop, called into the side for the first time after Wallabies front-rower Scott Sio was rested. "My main goal is to play for the Brumbies. I knew coming into this I was definitely the third string, but when I get my chance I'll take it with both hands. Every week that has been in the back of my head so I've got to be ready." BRUMBY TALES Chris Dutton is the sports editor at The Canberra Times. Most Viewed in Sport Loading https://www.canberratimes.com.au/sport/rugby-union/brumby-tales-the-little-girl-who-saved-fifita-from-the-dark-side-20190214-p50xxf.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_sport

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thoughtgal · 3 years

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I've been doing some deep thinking- really fast thinking but that's not the point- about what it means to be a part of my family. It's always been a tense issue since the beginning, one that when I think back on, is full of dislike and trauma. But I've finally brought into perspective the issues my siblings are facing now because of these continued mistakes we are making because we don't value family. It's not to say that we can forgive the physical and psychological damage they've done, intentional or not, but that we, me especially, expect this perfect family, fixed from all the problems, but aren't actually seeing the work that goes into getting it.

Recently, my brother came out to our religious parents,and as expected they took it horribly and selfishly, as though he was trying to mess everything up. Ultimately the issue was due to their religion, it was a sin and they could not support his actions. What that means in the future for him and them should he want to introduce a boyfriend, they made it clear there was no assurance that it would be welcomed. I don't yet know what to do about this. It's "written in the book" and that "they'd be continually sinning if they supported it". Which is so bullshit because they're letting their fear of the afterlife prevent them from being actual good parents, whether they'd make it to heaven or whatever. The whole religious system is built upon by fear, and now it's keeping them from actually showing love. Hell, my older sister had a child before marriage, which is supposedly also a sin, but that's not gonna stop them from entering their house and loving them, like they said they wouldn't do for my brother should he wed a man in the future. Who knows! Maybe they WILL evolve as people to not let that be the case in the future. I'm still fucking worried how that would turn out.

But anyways that argument we had left tension in all of us. Even my grandma felt it, but due to language barriers she thought it was because of her staying with us. It's not. And my younger sister is uneasy because their bad attitude and avoidance of her is making her upset because she feels she has an actual good relationship with them. The only one who does out of all of us i think. She was hurt when my mom ignored her, throwing her stupid fucking cold shoulder at the wrong person, and made her cry.

And I remembered my sister saying that she wants to keep a good relationship with them. She wanted to keep her family together. She's vented before that she felt burdened by their concerns and vents, which only pissed me off more because like SHE'S 16. She's not supposed to be their therapist! She just wants her parents! So i hold an even greater grudge on them for forcing their trauma onto the only child they trust now. OH THIS IS PISSING ME OFF.

But! But. I had realized another thing the day of my birthday. That was supposed to be my job. Well not really because again, that'd be them forcing their trauma on me and me feeling the guilt of wanting to fix everything- you know, middle sibling stuff (but now I'm technically older sibling so it got thrown onto her)-, but I have the knowledge. I have the hyper empathy, and I can see their feelings and thoughts and troubles and the ways to correct or fix or help. And one of those way to do that... is to start with me.

For as much as they have hurt me, I've also been hurting them (not as severely, but enough that it just brings me more pain). I once had a quick devolvement of "I'm never going to forgive them because they never said sorry- but how will they know when and what to apologise for when they were never taught it themselves because of their traumatic past- doesn't matter, they should want to be better people than their parents so that's their responsibility- but it's also best if i lead by example and start apologizing to them fucking damnit". And we'll, what better time to start then now. They- well my mom- unintentionally spilled that she felt useless because everything she did while I was in my depressive spiral- traumatic, abusive methods I'll add- didn't work so now she's left me alone to see if it worked- which it hasn't- and so she's given up on what to do with me. So in order to start apologizing, i have to tell them what they did hurt me worse. I have to explain my most traumatic years of my life. And I'm scared and terrified of telling th about my feelings. Because I hold so much hate and resentment for them, it could go terribly wrong. My mom especially is known to react selfishly and say that she's the one who's hurting most and all that bullshit, so how am I supposed to tell them that i hate them? I don't like them as people? That had i not been born in this family, i would take solace in never knowing them? My whole family?!

I'm also really scared it's gonna devolve into another morals argument over religion and I'm tired of that shit. I want nothing to do with it now.

But if someone is never told when they are doing something harmful, they're never going to acknowledge it as such. Sane people at least. And I have some hope my parents are sane.

Thing is I'm still terrified of talking about my feelings, which is why I'm anonymous on this blog. I fear that my loved ones- my friends- will see all this, and feel helpless as well because there's nothing they can do for me. Well not nothing, but nothing in my eyes. They can't fix me. No one can truly fix me but me, if i put in the effort to get better. But I built this rhetoric of "how can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved" and stuck with it. I don't want to be fixed because there's comfort in knowing I'm broken. Damaged. Sick. That's been my development for the past 7 years. It's a natural occurrence to those that are sick; I'm mentally... ill...

Back on topic, if i want to help my family get put back together, at least safely enough so we can be independent, i have to open up and actually show that i care about them. I have to explain my feelings so i have credibility in my parents eyes when I defend my siblings if they make the same mistakes that damaged us.

I guess? I lost the purpose to this somewhere along the way. The argument just keeps coming up that i can't fix their problems, their responsibility. That I shouldn't have to do all this. But then who will. Not a therapist. Not with other complicated issues that are out of our control regarding the American system.

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tishachaan · 6 years

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Have you seen a tall blond bearded guy ? (Part 2)

Summary : Thalia Artemidoros, ex-Champion of Sakaar, made a deal with Loki to come help Thor when he won’t be here anymore. Why did she agreed to risk her life for a stranger ? Well, that stranger’s cute, and what wouldn’t you do to get closer to your crush ? Here’s to finding Thor before he gets himself killed !

(Written for @hollandroos Soph’s 12K Challenge <3)

Notes : First of all, thank you for your curiosity, I hope you’ll like this story ! I’ve wrote it choosing this prompt : “No, you’ll be okay, yeah? hold on for a bit longer.” Also, it’s the first time I actually write an entire story only in English (non native-speaker here, hello <3) and I ask forgiveness for my mistakes. I hope it won’t bother you too much !

Let me know what you thought about this first part !

Ps : you can also find it on Ao3 here

I was allowed to meditate long enough to see a solution in all this mess and to determine the best way to approach the Lord of Sparkles. Mourning the loss of people who weren’t mine was no part of the mission Loki charged me. The first officer, Xroexxit Yth, called me out of the cabin, announcing our soon arrival in the Earth atmosphere. I had meditated for three hours only, what an amazing core this ship had ! It was truly worthy of our Grandmaster.

“We are locating the school for youngsters Lady Artemidoros. We should be able to land in twenty minutes. How should we proceed ? “Discreetly, officer Yth, I don’t want to be welcomed by a bunch of excited baboons ready to shoot us. Humans are short-tempered, let’s not anger them. “Very well, my lady. Then I shall stay inside, I don’t believe they’ll find me non-threatening with all this. - he said, pointing with good humor at his two prominent sharp teeth. My gaze stayed in the claw he used to point them. Everything in him screamed danger and yet, his kind was strictly vegetarian. His home world was full of ultra predators, I guess evolution had to do its job to ensure survival for everyone. “It would be wiser indeed. No need to risk your life for nothing. Although I’ve heard those gifted youngsters are used to unusual appearances. Maybe when the first contact’s over, you’ll be able to meet some of them.”

He shrugged and guided me to the commanding room. Not so keen on meeting kids, are we ? I liked kids. They were always fun to be around, especially when they were from other species, they were eager to teach you the rules they had to abide to, and so they gave some precious keys to understand their culture. And they did it willingly, you only had to be kind to them ! I was better at handling kids than adults. Maybe that’s why Loki had given me the name of this school and not some of another “hero”, as Terrians liked to call their mutated individuals.

We landed smoothly, and I did not lose a minute. With a helmet on my head to protect me from the possibility of not being able to breath, I went outside, Ker’i’ behind me, six other soldiers with us. We had landed on a surface designed to welcome human ships, but ours fitted perfectly. Sure that company would soon come to greet us, I stayed here in the hot sun, welcoming the sensation. It’s been a while since I have felt a major temperature change. In Sakaar, I tend to stay inside, where it’s always cool, the Grandmaster hates nothing more than his entertainers being uncomfortable around him. I don’t think the temperature has any incidence on him though…

Ker’i did not like the sun as much as I did : she quickly retreated near the ship, where she could stay in its shadows while not being too far from me. Her skin was too fragile to bear a long exposition to bright hot lights, she was carefully avoiding them.

We waited for a while until, finally, a small committee came to us. One youngster in the four people staring at us. Good, so it really was a school. I had to face two women, one with white hair, the other (the young one) nearly bald, and two men, one with bizarre glasses and another looking pretty tame compared to the rest of them.

“I wish to speak to the Headmaster of this school. - I enunciated, hoping the translator would do its job correctly. I had not bothered learning one of the many languages of the Terrians, maybe it had been a mistake... “Sorry to disappoint, but you're a bit too old to join in. - groaned the tame one, the most aggressive of them all. At least the translator did work. “Spare me from your mockeries, I have no time to lose. I want to speak with... - I struggled with his name only to give up after two failed attempts. - well, your Headmaster ! The one with the high intellect who created this place ! Is he here ? I am in the right place ? “What do you want from him ? - intervened the white-haired woman, nicer than her counterpart. - Do you need his help ? “It depends. Does he or anyone of you actually know where I can find Thor Odinson ?

Taken aback, the woman glanced at the others, probably hoping for some advices. The aggressive one came closer to me, sniffing the air like an animal. He stopped close enough to me so I could eviscerate him if he tried anything. That's always a good thing.

“Aren't you an alien ? Are you a good or a bad one ? “Well, if I was a bad one, you certainly wouldn't have your head still attached to you body by now. “I'd like to see you try... “I believe it would be counter productive, but if you want it so bad...

We got nearer as we spoke, barring our teeth like the two predators we were. I held Nike a bit higher, now aiming for his neck. He let six blades grow out of the skin of his hands, holding the same thoughts. My smile grew wider.

“Ain't you a special boy ! Oh, if I had the time, what fun we could have... However, I'm in hurry. Do you know Thor Odinson ? He's a tall blond bearded guy, he's a warrior who can control lightnings and he has a brother who tried to rule Earth but failed... “I just might. “Do you know his friend, an angry green giant ? “That one I do know. “Do you know where he could be ? “Last thing we knew, he went lost in space. “Wrong, he came back to Earth, helped by Thor Odinson. Does he have any friends ? “Ah, more than the poor bastard wants to believe ! Here, I'll let the good Captain take care of you, bet he grew used to human-like aliens. You should go to Wakanda, I heard the Avengers are all flying there to stop God knows what again. “What is the name of this good captain and where is this place ? “Uh... Steven Rogers, and it's somewhere in Africa. Don't you have a GPS ? “Something akin. Thank you, tiny man. I hope we'll see again. “Don't get your hopes too high. And name's Wolverine. “Thalia Artemidoros, a pleasure. May the goddesses hold you tomorrow as well.

Satisfied to get closer to Thor, I went back to the ship, Ker'i and the soldiers following me close. Wolverine gave us a sign that could maybe wish for a good departure while the others stared at us, mouth agape. I guess their Headmaster will certainly hear of our visit in the next days. I'll really have to come back, I'm curious to meet him, and I do want to have another talk with that fierce little man. I'd love to see what he's worth in a fight and how he uses his weird blades. Must be useful, being able to hide them so well. A spy or any sly opponent would love it.

Back in the ship, I ordered Amii'lina to fly us to that Wakanda place, growing more and more impatient to arrive. Hopefully this Steven Rogers would have the informations I needed to find the last of the Odinson's blood.

We flew for another twenty minutes only to be welcomed by an enigma : was Steve Rogers lost ? What could he had to do in such a small country, where no technological activities could be detected ? We must have failed somewhere. We flew in circle for a while, all eyes glued on the detectors, hoping for any kind of ping, until I gave up. I ordered Amii'lina to land in the middle of the forest we had under us and told the crew to get ready for an exploration. I hoped for his well-being Wolverine had not dared to lie to my face.

As we approached the trees, an invisible barrier suddenly stopped us in our attempt. Outraged by its mere existence, I demanded it to be destroyed by our cannons. Nothing even scratched it, not even one of our most powerful missile. I was livid. Only Ker'i dared to stand close to me, the rest of the sip avoided even looking in my direction.

A barrier, as powerful it was, would not prevent me from fulfilling my duty towards Loki Laufeyson ! I was near to ask the captain to crash its ship on it in hope of piercing it when a member of the crew let out an incredulous exclamation.

“What is it ? “Lady Artemidoros, something's assembling downstairs and is trying to take down the shield ! “Is it successful ? “Yes ! It's... It's unbelievable, you have to see this ! They are thousands, and they keep coming ! I've never seen anything so disgusting... “Captain, we have another ship on the radar ! It's an unknown signature but- “We've been detected ! They're coming on us ! “Fly higher you idiots, we will not be defeated by those monstrous creatures ! “Let them do our work, don't run. - I cut in, calm and confident. - We're entering.”

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disparais · 7 years

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above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim

eventful first week back at college. trying not to list anything in exceedingly great detail like i was previously wont to do, so-

monday:

first day of school! skipped last lecture to go kayaking with l, h and a. we didn’t end up doing much kayaking + just talked a lot, but being around people i’m genuinely comfortable with was so relaxing it was liberating.

quite proud of myself for having the willpower to stay up and craft l a decent card. i’d feel bad calligraphing her something because it smacks of no effort.

tuesday:

a came in the day to crash a lecture, and she loved the penyet wuhu.

highlight of the day: cf. well, more specifically, running into s at hv (where she proceeded to spectacularly embarrass me by yelling my name across the street), running into s and c at daily scoop, having to sit beside them because the place was ridiculously crowded, and the ensuing invigorating conversation on the panopticon + gender + capitalism + predestination + moral subjectivism with p, s and c.

(nearly burst out laughing when p told j “give me 10 minutes” HAHA)

wednesday:

skipped my first lecture of the year (abnormal bleeding) for an emergency fc meeting.

got stressed af at night when jp arrived at my suite because i hadn’t responded to a’s texts (hey i’d really been busy with ifg training and all). i hate having my personal space invaded by people i’m not close to (i.e. if i didn’t invite you in, you shouldn’t be here) and i was especially rankled by the fact that jp himself was clearly colossally stressed (and i uncharacteristically mirrored him). he’d spent the week speaking in this annoying as fuck hushed tone which made him supremely hard to hear, and he oscillated between sounding exasperated and exhausted which made things difficult because i was torn between frustration (with him, and with the situation) and sympathy/guilt (because he really did have a lot on his plate and the stress, while poorly-managed, was understandable).

i’m ashamed to admit i got snappish and chased g away (as nicely as i was able to, under the circumstances) to protect her from my immediate ire. i wish i’d had better control over my emotions - i seldom melt down this severely under stress, but the pressure that day was somehow overwhelming and her attentions made me feel suffocated and distracted (i mostly needed her to go away so that i could focus on my work). felt so bad thinking these thoughts because she’s so genuine and sweet and sincere and deserved better than what she got from me that night.

g whipped out her strawberry paper and wrote me a card + got kt to write as well. so grateful for them both.

thursday:

lunched with l at bv - my paleo buddy hehe. g gave us some strange butterfly pea-blue cake from chalk farm (sobs mad throwback to london).

fc, d-day.

was mildly triggered when g texted me about it raining because i was in lectures and i’d honestly have preferred it if she hadn’t, but i’m also frankly amazed that i was on her mind and that she was filled with dismay on my behalf - that is moving, and so very selfless.

was bitter and angry about the rain at first, but the bitterness quickly gave way to a sincere desire to understand His will for me.

i was no closer to finding answers/peace by the time the event came round, but i soldiered through with the wet-weather plan i’d firmed up the night before (grateful that jp convinced me to bother with a matrix). was livid with m and jp though, because they failed to keep their promise about letting me call the shots re wet/dry weather, but when it came to the crunch, they opposed me. foolish optimists.

closing ceremony was beyond excellent. electric atmosphere, heard the event heads cried and DO loved it...ahh so fulfilled. and l came! l told me about how the rain’d prevented her from exploring lab park and how all her friends just so happened to be unavailable, resulting in her hanging out with her last resort - her sister. i was so touched by her story, and was more than a little grateful (both towards her and God) for having a reason to be joyful even given the circumstances.

came back completely wiped (my parents gave jp and m a lift back to utown at midnight), and shared my day with g and kt. (took a lotta courage to invite kt, because g and i both agree kt seems to be feelin’ the suite thing less and less these days) was frankly surprised kt acquiesced. i miss how easy things were between the 3 of us last sem; y1s2 feels like an eternity ago now, and kt feels so much more distant all of a sudden.

anyway, things were almost strained, which was beyond heartbreaking - i tried drawing her in/engaging her, but she didn’t really want to take the bait, and eventually she left midway through the conversation. it’s hard to believe there isn’t something inherently broken within me, socially, whenever things like these happen (okay, the rational part of me knows that this is my full-blown shame trigger, but still. i’ll keep this thought here, because it’s frightening that it even crossed my mind.) (it’s not like she offered a “i gotta sleep soon, sorry” or anything. and i think i saw her light on? even close to 3.). i felt really bad because i think the topic of conversation was too moralistic and religiously-tinted, which made it by nature exclusive.

i don’t know how to achieve the same kind of balance that suitefam had last semester. right now, things have just been distilled into me + g. but then again there was the card that came just last night. idk what’s up la sigh don’t overthink this girl this is just gonna go the cupcake route.

got mad abdominal colic after that (can’t tell it if it was a drawn-out sympathetic response to the social anxiety) and excused myself for a while before returning to a half-asleep g. /end convo

friday:

s ahhh i can’t help but admit i feel like he gets me better than j does these days and that makes me so so sad + filled with helplessness

he’s so demanding and i always somehow find it in myself to indulge it sometimes; i can’t believe myself. i always did have a thing for 霸道 people and indulging their whims though - and j used to bother, i think. maybe he still does. i hope he still does - i love him first and foremost, and i really hope he understands where i’m coming from (more on that later).

logically this isn’t going anywhere, s isn’t able to do this and i’m still hoping against hope that j+i can work out somehow, but there’s a tiny traitorous portion of my heart that’s like nope i don’t think so. a much larger portion of my heart is like yas this is the elder brother i never had ;___; the thing i have with s is super precious and all la i really hope we last long friendship-wise haha

anyway. s walked me to nuh the staff way - it was super cool haha and i totally noticed he walked me far further than he originally said he would. was xiao touched la all the words of affirmation and encouragement and sdgl;kgetnrv that day he really read me shockingly well (i guess i trust him to the extent that i don’t throw up (m)any barriers - my occlumency is pretty legit ok) and bolstered my confidence + determination a whole lot.

arrived at nuh only to discover j talking to b and nearly chickened out of telling him a single thing but thankfully b wised up and left. (b is with sb omg) was lowkey annoyed by j settling cgl stuff during dinner (though at least he apologized, not that that makes it acceptable), and was extremely miffed by him cutting me off mid-sentence to deal with more things on his phone. really?

s told me to get up and walk away HAHA but i’d never had a flair for the dramatic, and i certainly wasn’t about to start then.

walked all the way to acjc + ticket saga which mercifully got resolved. he wanted to study gs for the extra hour we had before the concert began and that was when something inside me snapped - seriously, we hardly get to meet and you want to use our one precious hour of free time to study?

/c i’m too tired to go into my discussion with j now (i grade his performance at a solid B- though. and s gave me my first A of medsku wuhu)

came back and called s (see he’s like my de facto bf. ok just kidding he’s a very good friend who is somehow very invested in making sure my relationship works since it involves his near&dear sorta-childhood friend + his “counsellee”) for like 1.5h (mostly post-mortem-ing the discussion) + suppered with j and j.

saturday:

overslept so i didn’t go for commserv in the end haha.

party at js’ house-

i think s was oblivious re the contact (!! wholly initiated by him) but he broke that barrier like 10 times or something haha. as someone who’s fairly sensitive to touch i was kinda shocked but it was nice - touch is the most reserved and special of love languages for me with exceptional close friends/+ and s somehow qualifies. (but of course it would be Inappropriate of me to initiate HAHA)

also s is fucking fantastic at floating. literally the best i have ever played against, m included. don’t think anyone can top m as my best contract partner, though.

+ s told me something and ahh let’s just say i’m certain we won’t get entangled in the near future so it’s all fine for now; my conscience is clear.

also qx --> s. he literally hates me lmao s noted how he actively avoided talking to me at all costs. rip. and c is a parrot

so yeah, as i said, eventful week. week 2 hmu!!! ok 3.17am i really need to sleep because 9am haem tutorial tomorrow (today) sigh. s is coming over for dinner + berries and that’s all i have to be excited about apart from breakfast with g s i g h long day ahead go sleep you silly creature you

#ramble #updates

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