#i realise this doesn't look too different from my usual stuff but whatever

[duckchu]

Duckyyyy, I seriously need a change from the KDA!reader stuff going around, could I mayhaps beg of you for anything romantic with whatever heartsteel boy you feel like writing for with a Pentakill reader?

(I seriously recommend listening to Pentakill if you like old metal, I can also help give a brief description of Pentakill if you need it)

-🎃

While Pentakill is (musically) my least favourite band from lol, I'm a Sona main and a Mordekaiser simp, I know them by heart, 🎃 (this sounds way more threating than it was meant to lmao) (and I do not know them by heart, I just love Sona and Mordekaiser and would very much enjoy being stuffing to a sandwich if they're the bread if you know what I mean

And you know what? I'm feeling like writing them all so enjoy my lovely pumpkin

Also sorry for kinda insterting Battle Academia Yone in there but I couldn't stop myself

Enjoy 🖤

(mmm wife gif)

Kayn

You're a hottie AND you're in THE Pentakill? He was instantly hooked on you when you two met

Though you weren't as keen on him, thinking of him as just another fanboy

After some time of him bugging you and trying to impress you as much as he can, you warmed up to him

Eventually landing yourself into a relationship with him

Everyone in both bands thought you two were just a short phase

But then the public learned about you

And my god, was it a storm

Especially since everyone suspected you were dating someone...more like you

But you two are still going strong

He loves your style, especially if your outfits include some chains (he's a kinky man what can I say)

Though he also enjoys your style outside of the stage, no matter how much it differs from your metal queen image

Honestly he just loves when you look happy

Probably wrote a few songs about you, which he will never show you, since he thinks you're too cool for love songs

Aphelios

Honestly? Wasn't interested at the beginning

You're from Pentakill? Ok, don't care

Honestly you were the one who fell first

He had no idea, untill he noticied you telling Sona you thought he was cute using sing language

After that he started noticing you in his surroundings more often

Especially if you wore tight clothes

I mean he's not a pervert, but you look really good

Finally Alune made him realise he's in love

Oh shit he is

So after some time to gather courage he goes in an confesses

Thought it wouldn't be a problem to do it in front of Kayle, since why would she know sing language

SHE'S IN THE BAND WITH SONA TOO FUCK

He may be stupid but you still love him

But rumours spread fast

So next day the press was on the asses of both of you

Honestly doesn't care. He loves you and that's what matters

Though the rest of Heartsteel might care

Oh well

Yone

You two met before Pentakill was even a thing

So he isn't intimated by you being in the band

He's actually very happy for you

Though he does miss the days when you two were just teenagers and could hang out more frequently

Especially since now you usually were with the band or touring

I mean he was happy with you

But he might not have gotten past his little high school crush on you

Ah, the old days, when he thought dying his hair pink would impress you

Now he knew he just had to tell you that he liked you in that special way

You two might have lost some time, but now you have plenty of it to make up for it~

Ezreal

Him? With you? Nooo, this had to be joke

A joke so good Karthus spilled his morning coffe out laughing

Oh wait, you actually were? Oh shit

No one ever thought the intimidating metal diva would be with someone like him

Everyone was sure he would be dating another popstar to break up after a week

But it's been half a year since the news broke out and you two are still going strong

He loves seeing you on stage

You're so...

He secretly wants you to step on him and call you mommy

But he can hold back

For now

Sett

Holy shit

The hottie from Pentakill

And him

It's like a dream come true

Although he is worried what his mom will think

She doesn't care

As long as you treat him well, she will welcome you with open arms

Sett loves how ferocious you are

He finds it so hot how intimidating you look on stage

Especially since you have such an effect, even against Mordekaiser and Yorick, who look...well scary

K'Sante

Won't tell you that, but you inspired him so much

He just loves when you mix up your stage style and home style

Like wearing just a normal blouse with that gorset belt? You look great!

He of course loves you for so much more

For example how you always take care of him

Turning into a big softie whenever he needs your help

Or the way your eyes light up when you see in the crowd at a concert

Though the music is not his taste, he will do anything for his partner

He won't admit it, but in the depths of his files there's a whole set of outfits he designed for Pentakill, inspired by you of course

#league of legends #heartsteel #league of legends x reader #heartsteel x reader #lol #lol x reader #heartsteel kayn #kayn x reader #shieda kayn #kayn #heartsteel aphelios #aphelios x reader #aphelios #heartsteel yone #yone x reader #yone lol #yone #ezreal x reader #heartsteel ezreal #ezreal #sett x reader #sett league of legends #sett lol #sett #ksante x reader #heartsteel kayn x reader #heartsteel sett #heartsteel k'sante #ksante #pentakill

[drysaladandketchup]

Mattdrai and 14 please for the Game. Thank you 💜

Thank you, anon! Once again I have failed to understand the word 'mini'. Seriously never ask me to write something short I don't know how to anymore. I hope it's to your liking :)

14. things you said after you kissed me

He expects a lot of things when he walks into the airport toting his life behind him in a suitcase: the drone of hundreds of voices, the inevitable bustle of bodies, brightly lit screens flashing so much information it makes your head spin, lines, because there's always lines everywhere for everything, the smell of fifteen different coffee shops vying for traveller's attention. Fuck knows he's going to need one of those soon.

What he doesn't expect is to be grabbed mid-yawn as he's on his way to check his luggage. If he was already jittery about the move before, he nearly has a heart attack now when a hand latches onto his bicep and drags him into a shadowy alcove, half-concealed by a thick pillar.

Matthew's brain very unhelpfully provides him with the image of being mugged before he's even out of Calgary. Pissed off fans angry he's leaving for bright, sunny, warm-all-year-round Florida, perhaps? Some even more pissed off Edmontonian who saw he was leaving and came down here thinking now's my chance? He wouldn't put it past some of them.

He's not too far off the mark with that last one. When he rips his arm free and spins to face his assailant, he laughs right in their face.

"Jesus, dude, you look like a stalker."

In fairness, Leon usually dresses pretty decent. But right now he's in plain jeans and a thick, unassuming pull-over sweater--it's fucking summer in Calgary, who does that?--with the hood pulled up over a snap-back, head ducked low so the brim hides part of his face.

"Didn't want to be recognized," Leon says, somewhat defensively, like he's only now realising how very conspicuous he looks in a place like this.

"I got that." Matthew checks his phone. He's got a bit of time for... for whatever this is, so he sets his stuff down and leans against the wall across from Leon. It only puts a couple feet of space between them.

"What are you doing here?"

Leon tugs the hood and hat off his head, runs fingers through his hair. It's still pretty long--Leon's let it grow since the spring, and Matthew has very distinct memories of running fingers through it--but it's also uncharacteristically messy. He doesn't look entirely focused, either; there's shadows under his eyes.

"I came to see you," Leon says.

Suddenly, Matthew really wishes he wasn't here. Either of them. It's been two weeks since they've seen each other, since Matthew broke the news. Not that it was Leon's business. They weren't... weren't anything. Not partners, anyways. Not really. And this was Matthew's choice, his career, his future he was considering. That had to come first.

But now Leon's here, and Matthew has never wanted to run so badly in his life. This didn't feel like running before. The earth could split open and swallow him whole, and it would be kinder than that look on Leon's face, all anger and desperation and confusion and... God, he looks so fucking tired.

It's a 9am flight to Florida. It's just past six now. The sun's barely up.

"Have you slept at all?" Matthew asks, instead of a million other questions.

Leon shoves his hands in the pocket of his sweater and shakes his head. "I couldn't."

"So you drove all the way down here."

"Don't sound so surprised."

"Hard not to be when you haven't talked to me in weeks."

Leon's mouth twists. Slumped back against the wall, curled in on himself, it may be one of the few times Matthew could ever say he looks small. Fragile.

Sighing, Leon finally, finally looks Matthew in the eye. He's not scowling like the last time they met, the night he stood in Matthew's doorway and told him he didn't understand anything before storming out of Matthew's life.

"I thought we should talk. Before you go," Leon says.

Matthew does understand, now. He put it together staring at Leon's back as he disappeared into the night. He knows why Leon's really here. What he really means.

I wanted to see you.

It's amazing how many people say Leon is hard to read. He's always been an open book to Matthew, even when he was snapping and bearing his teeth. All his emotions spilling from the pages.

"Okay." Matthew swallows. "We can talk."

Neither of them does, for a minute. They stare at each other, through each other. Remembering. Committing all the little details to memory. Matthew's palms tingle with the urge to touch.

"You kissed me," Leon finally says, "then said you were leaving."

Yeah, not Matthew's finest moment, if he's being honest. But he didn't know what else to do. There was already so much turmoil around the trade and the shit going on with the Flames.

And then there was Leon. There was no way it wouldn't be gruesome.

"How long did you know?" Leon's voice is rigid, but still calm. "Would you actually have told me, if I hadn't come to see you?"

A year ago, yeah, he would have said it was none of Leon's damn business. Why would he care? But they've come a long way since then. Farther than Matthew could have anticipated. Farther than he realised, until he was staring at Leon's retreating back and silently begging him to turn around, to come back, to stay.

Of course Matthew was going to tell him. He's not an asshole. But that's not what this is about.

"Does it really matter?"

"It matters to me."

"You're not here because you're pissed I didn't tell you sooner."

He knows why Leon's here, and he knows why part of him is stupidly happy Leon is here. Even if nothing will change.

"Did you even think about how I'd--" Leon groans, scratches at the back of his head.

"I did," Matthew says, because it's the truth. Of course he thought about Leon. How could he not?

Leon's gaze drops to the floor, and he grits out, "Fuck. I wanted to do this better."

Matthew can practically hear time ticking by. His heartbeat makes a good clock, thudding away in his chest.

"What is this, Leon? What do you want?"

Dangerous question. Leon could say a million things that would make Matthew's entire resolve waver. If they're not done, if there's even a sliver of hope...

But Leon doesn't say anything. Instead he steps forward, cups Matthew's face between his hands, and kisses him. Not rough or desperate. There's no urgency. It's slow and deep and bruising, and Matthew melts into it because he could never do anything else, and Leon holds tight like he thinks Matthew will disappear if he doesn't.

It's an apology and a confession. It's not the first time they've kissed, but it may be the first time it's been an honest one.

It doesn't last long. Matthew barely has time to taste it, savour it, get a fistful of Leon's hoodie like he's the one threatening to leave. There's a moment as Leon pulls back where Matthew thinks he's imagined it all. Where it feels like something precious is slipping between his fingers.

But no, Leon's still there when he opens his eyes, pressed from hip to chest, noses brushing, beard catching Matthew's freshly shaved cheek. Hot breathes mingle between their mouths.

"Would you stay," Leon whispers, hand sliding back to tangle through Matthew's curls, "if I asked?"

He didn't ask the night Matthew told him. He was too angry, too upset. It took Matthew too long to realise why, to recognise what he was seeing on Leon's face was heartbreak.

But they both know the answer. Still, Matthew closes his eyes and takes the luxury of thinking about it. Considers the possibilities.

"Would you actually ask?" he says.

Leon's fingers curl around the back of Matthew's neck. "If I thought you'd actually say yes."

"But you won't."

"No."

"Because you know I won't."

"I know."

"It's not you."

"I know." Leon steps back only as far as Matthew's grip on his hoodie will allow. "Fuck, you don't make things easy."

Matthew chuckles. "When have I ever? You're not winning any awards either."

Leon scoffs.

"Still," Matthew says. "This is better than what you said to me the first time we kissed."

"What did I say?"

"Pretty sure it was, 'Get the fuck out of my arena.' And something about hoping I lose my next game."

Leon smirks. Doesn't look even a little sorry. "And did you lose your next game?"

"Fuck off." Matthew shoves his shoulder, unable to keep a grin from tugging at his mouth.

He looks away only long enough to straighten out his shirt and run a hand through his hair, but when he looks back, Leon isn't smiling anymore, and his brows are pulled low.

"I really fucked up my timing, huh?"

Matthew winces. "Just a little, yeah." Makes two of us. He's about to say more but Leon waves a hand.

"But you were going to leave anyways, I know. I got it."

"Leon--"

"I'm not here to stop you. I just wanted to... you know."

I don't want this to be over. I want to make this work.

Still an open book.

Matthew angles his head, forces Leon's eyes back to him, staring right into that mystifying grey-blue that always reminded him of a thunderstorm. Everything about Leon kind of reminds him of one. What does that make Matthew? A whirlwind? A hurricane? Storms, both of them.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." Matthew steps closer, crowding Leon against the wall this time. They may not have known what they were doing before, but Matthew knows what he wants now.

Leon must have found his answer too, because he kisses Matthew again, no less meaningful than the last, pulling Matthew into his body, into his hands, his mouth. Breathing his air and tasting his tongue, giving and taking until they're light-headed and fitting pieces of each other together.

"You better not be fucking with me, Draisaitl," Matthew pants out once he's got his breath back.

He doesn't get far before he's pulling Leon to him, into his arms, getting the bulk of him in a crushing hug. And Leon hugs him back, a deep laugh rumbling right in Matthew's ear and fingers carving into his back. That's answer enough.

Somehow, Matthew is strong enough to let go. And just like that the world is moving again. He's too aware of everything outside their little alcove, so loud and invasive. He's running out of time. His future's waiting for him down south.

When they step back out into bright lights and bustling strangers, Leon's got his hat and hood back on, keeping his head tilted low. He doesn't stray far, bumping Matthew's arm every so often as he walks with him through luggage check and down towards the gates.

They get to security, and for the first time since the trade decision was made, Matthew hesitates. This is what he wanted. What he still wants. What he needs. The only variable left is...

Leon has stopped a few steps behind, leaving Matthew stranded and alone. He turns back around to find Leon watching him silently. They may as well be the only ones in the world, the way his vision tunnels.

"Well," Matthew says, words clogging his throat. "Guess I'll... see you around. We'll talk. I'll call, or..."

"I'm serious, Matthew." His name always sounds beautiful and dangerous on Leon's tongue. "About this. You and me."

And fuck, Matthew's only human. He drops his bag, marches back over to Leon and tugs him into another kiss. He nearly knocks the hat off Leon's head with the force, crushing his lips and clacking their teeth together. It doesn't even matter if people see them.

One more time. Just one more. Until they can see each other again.

"I know." Matthew shudders against Leon's eager mouth, kissing the smile that breaks out under his lips. "I want to try us too."

He swallows the strangled sound that comes up from Leon's throat, tipsy with it, like he's getting drunk just from this. Is that possible? Fuck knows, but he sure as hell wants to find out one day.

Matthew jerks back, breathless, hot-cheeked, and beaming.

"And I'm gonna be fucking great."

If Leon wasn't slack-jawed, if they weren't the them they are now, he would have chirped Matthew to high hell. If they were on the ice he'd probably put Matthew into the boards just for fun.

But the Leon here and now only scoffs, shaking his head like he's been well and truly defeated. Then he smiles.

"Yeah, I know. So get the fuck out of here and go be great."

#hockey #mattdrai #matthew tkachuk #leon draisaitl #my writing #asks #florida trade drama my beloved #there's photos of them making out in the airport all over social media the next day. publicity shitstorm. good luck boys #This is over 2k. Even less 'mini' then my last one wtf is wrong with me #I used to be able to write drabbles but no no no too many ideas to write down now it seems #I realise this has the same 'can't admit we're in love until it's too late' energy as my last ask fic but apparently that's my fave trope #I CAN write other dynamics I swear

[sparklinpixiedust]

Bullied

So I've been re thinking the whole " gwen was gonna let Kevin get beat up" post I made from the Kevin 11 episode and I think I realise why she didn't see why Ben saving Kevin was so important.

Now I know she wanted the watch thing to be secret sure that's one reason, but another is well, I don't think she truly understood what was going to happen to Kevin.

See Ben's been bullied for a long time, he knows what being ganged up and being helpless feels like. He had an idea what Kevin was feeling and knew that however that ended , it wouldn't be good for him.

That's literally how the show began, with ben trying to save someone from getting bullied ( unfortunately he got bullied himself)

Him being bullied was a strong driving force for wanting to be a hero and help. Regardless of ben having the watch or not, he still would've jumped in to save Kevin at the time.

Kevin too has a weird desire to be a hero, in his own twisted way.

I made a post a while back on why Kevin never considered himself a true bad guy, and he even made a few references throughout uaf by calling himself " nuanced" ,or " just had a rough childhood" rather than outright evil.

@ossy-serenity even added to that post with some really good points too.

Kevin was never a " bad guy" . He was a hero in his own story, in his own way by fighting against his bullies and enemies.

According to the rooters arc, Kevin was moved to help the rooters because he was told he could be a "hero" , the good guy.

Okay okay, I'm getting a little off track here , but my point is both Ben and Kevin had these strong desires to help, even if it was in different ways. Bullying made ben want to help others and Kevin want to help himself.

Gwen on the other hand never really had these strong feelings of heroism.Like she knew what was good and bad, she knew what was to be done and what side she should be on.

But she's never been shown to have this strong desire to be a hero.

Why? Because she's never been bullied.

I don't think she's ever been put in a situation where she's been ganged up on or felt truly helpless.

So thats why she wasn't too into the idea of helping Kevin. To her it obviously looked bad but since she's never been in that situation it's likely easy to brush it off as " oh a fight, okay then. Just a another day in the hood i guess"

And that's probably why it was easy for her to just leave the team and go off to college. Or even in the future , Ben's still the hero and Kevin is in charge of null void so in a way he is sort of contributing to being a hero by keeping the rooters in check.

Gwen on the other hand is working on a thesis. Which doesn't really sound too heroic to me.

She was never bullied as a kid , I mean with her know it all attitude, tough personality and karate ,its hard to imagine anyone really messing with her and actually getting away.

Sure she had enemies later on like charmcaster and aliens coming after her, but it's like, it was never really personal personal you know?

Being picked on and humiliated and not being able to do anything about it is different than being attacked by an evil alien.

The former is personal. It attacks you as a person, it belittles you. The latter is well , typical hero stuff you know? Like yeah their beating you up and trying to kill you , but it's usually because you're in the way of whatever they want rather than them showing up just to degrade you.

So long story short, Gwen has never been bullied , she doesn't truly understand the depth of being a hero because she's never really been the victim, unlike Ben and Kevin.

#ben 10 #my take #gwen tennyson #ben tennyson #kevin levin #ben 10 uaf #ben 10 alien force #ben 10 ultimate alien #b10 #ben 10 omniverse #long post

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Your body language (speaks to me)

Based off this post

Wei Wuxian walks into the office building at high noon, holding a large cup of coffee in one hand and some kind of pastry in the other.

Wen Ning smiles in greeting from behind the reception desk. "Good, uh," a glance to his watch, "good afternoon, Wei-xiong!"

Wei Ying laughs. "Good afternoon to you too. So what's the deal for today? Wen Qing never calls for me on my days off."

"It's a high profile case." And Wen Ning hands him a thick file. "Money laundering is the main accusation, but there's also suspicion of blackmailing and several assassination attempts."

Wei Ying whistles lowly, sifting through the documents. "Fun stuff. So the cops couldn't crack the main suspect, huh?"

"Not at all. An interesting thing about him is that all the other persons of interest in his family lawyered up immediately, except for him. He's been through three interrogations so far and they got nothing from him except 'mn'."

Wei Ying hums, curiosity clear on his features. "Then he's either innocent or overly confident in his ability to lie." A shrug. "Whatever it is, we'll find out. Anyway, how much are the feds paying us for this? If they're as stingy as last time, I'll only afford radishes for lunch!"

Wen Ning slides him a file. "They are being... very generous. Qing-jie drew a hard bargain."

"As she should." Wei Ying takes a big, final sip from his coffee. "I'll be out in an hour or so, I promised A-Yuan I'm taking him to the park today and I wanna keep my word."

---

Fidgeting. Shaky voice. Excessive eye contact or lack thereof. Belated gesturing. Rolling lips back. Red or pale complexion. Sweating. Changing stories. Excessive use of fill in words. Inconsistencies. Excessive self soothing.

These are the classical signs of deception - but not the only ones. It's important to establish the subject's baseline and watch out for deviations from it - people often give themselves away without even realising it.

Wei Ying has always had a keen eye for studying others. The tiniest micro-expressions, the littlest slip-ups, he never fails to notice and exploit them. It has always been a useful talent - when he was younger and living on the streets, it even saved his life a couple of times.  And with adequate training, it became a career. A lifestyle almost.

It's fascinating to him, how deception looks like in different people. Some overcompensate, others shrink away. Most deflect. A few are arrogant enough to be sure they got away with it. As far as Wei Ying knows, none of those that fell into his hands ever did.

Regardless, Wei Ying takes all his cases seriously. Though he knows he is skilled and is confident in his abilities, he is not infallible. Next time he walks into the interrogation room, he might just meet his match.

He enters the room as usual, holding the file with facts about the case and a professional smile. "Good afternoon, Mr. Lan. My name is Wei Wuxian and I will be conducting your questioning today."

He doesn't expect the first thing to notice within his subject being... excitement.

Thinly concealed. His pupils slightly dilated. A barely detectable eyebrow raise. He's intrigued.

Mr. Lan relaxes in his seat again, but his posture remains perfect. He's wearing a pristinely white suit (tailored to his body, designer), with a perfectly ironed blue shirt and white tie. Detail-oriented. Meticulous.

His hair falls on his shoulders and back in long, dark locks, shiny and visibly healthy. His fingernails are trimmed and clean, his shoes (Italian leather) polished. Subtly extravagant.

He's giving away nothing but interest. He's watching Wei Ying keenly.

"I suppose you know why you're here already, so let's cut to the chase."

Mr. Lan lifts an almost flirtatious eyebrow.

"I have to admit, I'm impressed Wen Qing got nothing out of you. You must be very confident in your version of the story."

"There is no story."

His voice is calm and level.

"I will be the judge of that. Now, I need to ask you some simple questions first."

Mr. Lan leans forward slightly. Interest, again.

"What is your name?"

"Lan Zhan, courtesy name Lan Wangji."

"You were born January 23rd?"

"Yes."

"What connection do you have with Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren?"

"Xichen is my older brother. Lan Qiren is my paternal uncle."

He's cool, calm and calculated. If it hadn't been for his growing interest towards Wei Ying, he would have been implacable.

A motionless jade statue.

Wei Ying finds a picture in the case file. A young man, supposedly the target of a failed assassination attempt. He looks at most 23, with a messy head of blond hair. He slides it towards Lan Wangji.

"Do you know who this man is?"

"No."

No signs of deception. He's honest.

"His fiance found him unconscious inside his apartment. Very fine signs of forced entry. The intruder must have been very highly skilled, a master of his craft."

Lan Wangji has no reaction. Stroking his ego wouldn't be the way to a confession.

"He's in the hospital right now. On life support. He's supposed to be a father in a few months, his fiancee is pregnant."

Nothing again. Appealing to his emotional side wouldn't yield results either. At least, not yet.

"Your family is quite prestigious. Pillars of righteousness, upholders of justice. This is not a scandal to benefit any of you."

Lan Wangji, again, does not react.

"It would be most beneficial for this to be over as quickly and painlessly as possible, right? I'm sure we can even negotiate a bargain if push came to shove."

"There is no need."

He is perfectly composed. It's Wei Ying's turn to be intrigued. Nobody he has ever worked with has been so unreactive.

Well, unreactive regarding the matter at hand. His body reacts plenty, in other ways. His pupils are dilated, his body is leaning towards Wei Ying, watching his every reaction. He's attentive - to Wei Ying's lips and hands in particular, and his neck too. In other words, he's staring. Intensely. His legs spread slightly, leaning back in his chair with the ghost of a smirk on his lips.

Wei Ying has to focus so he doesn't react. Mr. Lan is too attractive for his own good and his interest is... intoxicating. He's exhibiting every form of arousal Wei Ying can openly detect. And he knows he has to regulate himself properly - this might be a strategy to distract him, after all. Mr. Lan likely knows the effect he has on people and is trying to use it to get away with whatever he's done.

Wei Ying decides to call him out on it. Shame might break him after that.

"You are paying too much attention to me. Your pupils are dilated, your whole body is turned towards me in interest. You're hanging off my every word and you're staring at my lips, neck and chest insistently. You're aroused."

Lan Wangji blinks lazily. Satisfied. "I am."

Wei Ying is taken aback for the first time in a very long time.

"I could not care less about the interogatory."

Wei Ying decides to keep quiet and focus on not giving his own increasing arousal away. This is getting out of hand, he has to go or he might end up bent over the interogatory table. And the worst (best?) part, he's not opposed to it at all.

"I have no other confession to make other than the fact that I want you. Now. Badly."

Too much.

Wei Ying stands up and leaves abruptly, slamming the door behind him.

He watches Lan Wangji from the other side of the double mirror. He's adjusting himself ever so slightly, smiling wolfishly at the glass as if he could see Wei Ying do the same.

#mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #writing attempts #im sorry if this sucks but i had so much fun writing it #long post #edited bc i messed up lwjs birth and courtesy name smh

[yakult-noir]

Long Rant about Baldur's Gate 3

Content warning: intrusive thoughts mention, body image, very mild spoilers of act 3 (does not mention characters or specific events, only implies)

-

Honestly, playing Baldur's Gate 3 has helped me with a lot of issues that therapy failed to do. I'm playing two runs at the same time, one of which is the Dark Urge.

I am having so much fun playing the Dark Urge. Its helped me with my intrusive thoughts without me noticing. Whenever I struggled with intrusive thoughts, I couldn't push them away no matter how hard I tried, and it would always make them worse.

I sometimes felt horrible because of it even though I knew that wasn't my fault and doesn't say anything about what sort of person I am.

The Dark Urge struggles in trying to repress violent thoughts lest they act on them and commit atrocities. Intrusive thoughts aren't as dire in that you won't actually commit the atrocities in real life, but playing the Dark Urge helps cement that fact further.

And I'm not even getting to the companions yet. I struggle with the fear of what other people see me as. I try to appear as someone a bit different (personality wise) but struggle a lot when I make even a singular mistake or do something that makes me feel like an idiot.

The companions are still loved and still retain their image even though they sometimes make dumbass mistakes.

They've also helped me deal with the fear of getting older. I've never played games much where the main character/s are canonically in their late 30s to 50s. And the fact they're still made out as attractive is very reassuring.

I don't see that happen a lot, not without them trying to look as young as they can to be seen as attractive.

Overall, the companions feel so much more real and lifelike than a lot of other video game characters.

I don't exactly know why or even how to explain it, but I've never liked the idea of having a physical body.

I've always had a complicated relationship with how others view me and my own body image. I also struggle with trying to wrap my head around what's considered socially normal and feel completely detached from other people's experiences.

I can't actually 'feel' out my feelings without intellectualising them or comparing them to feelings of other people. I usually use the concept of other people as a rough template of how to do things and how to react. Things always feel complicated and 'too-real'.

If that makes sense. Like a realisation of "holy shit there are consequences? Do I have control? Is there a control? How do I avoid Bad Consequences? How do I react?"

Lowkey kinda feels like a child just testing out just doing things for the first time. Mind you, I do have a mental illness and have been kinda repressed for a bit of my life.

Any experience I have with doing daily life stuff or with relationships has been from reading about other people's experiences and noting down what to do and what not to do to become the Ultimate Perfect human being.

And that means I always feel uncomfortable with my body, talking about private things, even talking about supposedly 'risky' things that aren't even risky or shouldn't be seen as such (like menstruation, lingerie, clothing, weight fluctuation), wondering if I just did something socially taboo even if it's like an unspoken rule I've never heard of, and then wondering if I'm unpleasant company or a little too strange to hang around a lot.

So playing as the Dark Urge and romancing Astarion has actually helped a lot with discomfort in talking about random things in friendships and just feeling more comfortable being in my own body and having human experiences.

Especially since the companions just say whatever, and are even straight up rude and say things that wouldn't be socially acceptable in real life, but they're still liked.

I mentioned mental illness before, but Baldur's Gate 3 has some of the best representation about having ordinary experiences and consequences of being alive. I love how in the game, you have the option to help the companions the best you can, and no matter what, there is no closure. I haven't completed the game yet, so this is stuff I spoiled for myself.

Even if you get out of a difficult situation and learn there's a better way to live and do things, it's still horrible and painful and you're still not sure if you've done the right thing or not. You don't get any awards (that are obvious at least) for dealing with the problem you've faced most of your life.

You've still got to deal with your own emotional issues that are there as a result of the problem and that you will probably spend the rest of your life trying to deal with.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #the dark urge #durge #long post

[hurryupmerlin]

📖?

[Hey, here's a fun new game. Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about.]

When I tagged this game with "there's just smut in my head" that's exactly what I meant. And by smut I mean MY FAVE HAS TO SUFFERRR

TW: rape

___

Tech looks like a virgin, but everyone knows he's a slut. He's done it with half of Tipoca City already, just because he can. He's with Echo now (and holy shit, he's in love), so things slowed down drastically, but he's still allowed to do whatever he wants.

Also, he gets most of his technology from the Republic – later Empire –, but some fancy stuff he has to pay for himself. So he usually earns some pocket money by getting the clones off whenever. It's no big deal and everyone's cool with it, even Echo.

One early evening, he's alone in the Batch's quarter when one of his clone brothers comes in. Things escalate quickly.

Tech's not up for it. But he's also not as physically strong as other clones, so he finds himself pinned to the floor and taken.

"What's the big deal? You had this cock a thousand times."

"That's not the same! Not yours!"

Struggling, Tech somehow manages to get hold of his comlink and sends part of the conversion to the Batch. It's basically just him occasionally whimpering in pain while rationally explaining that please, he doesn't want it, he's not prepared and it hurts. And that this right here is called rape.

And oh boy, that last word gets his squad moving like hyperdrive. Echo's been at the cafeteria separately, so he's the first to reach the quarter. He appears at the door pissed af, with his blaster drawn, unlocked and sure as hell not on stun.

When the rest of the Batch arrive, he's already pulled the guy off Tech and then things escalate a little more and by the end of it, everyone in the room agrees that this has been nothing but a tragic weapon malfunction.

After that day, the veteran ARC trooper has even more wary eyes on him than before when he walks through the hallways.

All Echo wants is to be there for Tech, but he's also super insecure about what's still okay and what might not.

He worries too much.

It takes Tech a whopping three days to recover from the incident and return to his horny self.

___

This fic exists in different variations. In one, Echo casually walks in, sees them at it and jokes "are you done fucking my boyfriend yet?" Tech is being threatened to keep it shut and has to find a way to communicate his situation to Echo, so it takes a while for him to realise what's happening. But then he goes absolute apeshit :)

#techxecho #tech/echo #techo #the bad batch #tbb #tw: rape #the bad batch fanfiction #tbb fanfiction #ficlet #chicken writes #pwp #echo/tech #echoXtech #clonecest #ask #askbox #my writing

[bluebudgie]

☀️🌌✏️🎀 for my favourite asura Petthri?

☀️ SUN - are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

I think he's an every time of the day person, but yea! Mornings are great! The sun's just rising, time for a jog in nature while the morning dew's still fresh! Or... you know, a nice breakfast inside will do the job too. Especially if the Inquest doesn't want you to run around unsupervised in the wilderness. Don't think he has a set routine, it's whatever works for the day.

🌌 MILKY WAY - what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

Alright, look this is gonna be a lot of words for something really stupid. So there's different mindsets when creating characters - my girlfriend for example will have a vague character idea and then flesh it out to perfection over months before she finally creates that character ingame. I'm more of a 'sees a cool armour piece and needs a new character for that' type of person, but usually I give it at least a few days as well. Get at least a vague concept going and stuff like that. What I'm getting at here is: There's a handful of characters I've made for silly reasons, and you just picked the one that's probably the top of the silly-chain. So I was playing Animal Crossing, checking out the latest update. Saw that new mouse villager they added, called Petri. Thought to myself: "Oh I love that name! I want an Asura called something like that!" About 3 hours or so later he existed. All because I vibed with that name and wanted something with the approximate sound of it. His only concept at that point was "professor, also not inquest probably - or at least it's complicated". He just kinda willed his chaotic nature into existence from there on.

✏️ PENCIL - is there a particular quote / lyric that you associate with them?

Actually no, there isn't! Most of his playlist is instrumental so far, and I'm awful at picking songs that have fitting lyrics. It's usually more about the general tone/vibe for me, lyrics are often (not always) more of an afterthought. That said - not to leave you empty-handed here - I went through some character prompt quotes a while back and noted some down. So... do with this whatever you will: “I didn’t realise I was such an inconvenience.”

🎀 RIBBON - how would they fit into other worlds / aus? what aus would you like to try out? what fictional world would they fit / not fit into?

I don't think much about AUs at all to be honest! I think he could fit into any setting that needs a generally eccentric but charismatic teacher / professor type of character. I think he'd also make a great jrpg party member. Or a reoccuring sidequest character. Every time you reach a new area on the vast world map you find him getting mauled by a different monster he's trying to study. Maybe he'd hand you a (written in almost unreadable handwriting) monster compendium for gameplay purposes.

#thank you for your ask!!! #budgie plays gw2

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm realising things about myself/my brain again lol (this time it's nothing super sad at least)

so I unfortunately have this problem where I get very obsessed with things and then have to buy everything related to that thing. like - right now it's fountain pens and ink, or records when it's music, or merchandise and stuff like that.

and I think it's because I want to spend all my time with just this one thing/topic/person/hobby, but the buying too many things aspect isn't always there. so I was wondering why that is, because I do like the things that I buy, but it doesn't feel like it's enough, like sometimes I feel so excited to get the things I ordered but then they get here and it's like.. hmm. this did nothing for me 🤷 and I often get very confused about that because I wanted this so much, why doesn't it make me happy??

and I think what causes that is when something is stopping me from doing what I really want to do. like right now I want to sit at my dining table and have lots of room to put all my inks and stuff on there to really use them. but I can't, because 1. my entire body hurts so I can't sit in a chair, 2. I have no energy again so I can't really focus, and 3. the table is completely covered in stuff so I couldn't sit there anyway.

so I can't do the thing that I actually want to do, and instead I do something else that I can do: buying stuff. that I then can't use because of the issue that caused me to buy stuff, and that makes me more frustrated and that just makes all of it worse.

chaos around me is a huge part of this. when everything is cluttered and messy, I can't think about anything else. but I usually don't have the energy to clean, so I try to do stuff anyway without putting things away when I'm done, and it just keeps getting messier and that makes me even less able to tidy up.

and I think I do sort of know when that is happening but I usually don't actively realise it? I think that's why I 'randomly' decided I need to rearrange the furniture in our entire apartment. I do that pretty often, basically whenever there's something that makes me unable to focus or do stuff - like the table being in the wrong spot for me to comfortably use it, or things being left on surfaces they're not supposed to be on.

so then I rearrange stuff or get another shelf or make whatever changes that need to be made to fix the problems that I had with the old layout, and that makes it better, because those problems are now fixed. but then new problems show up over time and it starts all over again. every time I do this it feels like 'this is it, this is perfect right, this is definitely going to fix all my organisational problems'. but of course it never lasts.

this also happens in slightly different ways. like when I got really into buying records, my brain came up with all these very strict rules for how I had to handle, store, clean, organise and listen to them. it has to be perfect. I have to do it the right way - that I have no say in basically - or I can't do it at all. so I started organising my records, and I wasn't allowed to listen to them until they had been cleaned and labeled and sorted and put into my spreadsheet. but that took a long time because of lots of different things, so in the meantime I kept buying more because I couldn't listen to the ones I already had. which meant I then had more records to organise, and it just. kept. getting. worse. I never finished cleaning them. I only listened to a few of them. and whenever I look at them I feel very ashamed because that means I failed.

the fountain pens and ink situation right now is similar - I get back into this hobby, I want to do something but either don't know/can't figure out exactly what it is, or other circumstances keep me from doing it. so I buy. and when I buy I have to organise (it's not optional, I really HAVE to do it). which leads to more chaos while I get out all the (many) things I need to do that - because it needs to be perfect. no, it needs to be right. I don't even see it as perfection, it's just the only option. I can't do it any other way except the way my brain tells me it needs to done.

I have no idea what the point of this post is, and I think this is probably pretty obvious to other people? but I have to realise this over and over again every few months and somehow this knowledge never stays in my brain 🤷 so. I guess maybe writing it here might help me remember. though to be honest I know it won't, it's like my brain is completely resistant to keeping information long term. 🤷

#all I know is that I have some sort of mental illness but like 🤷 which one(s) lol #though I feel like the meds are making it slightly easier to think about these things logically? like I can realise 'this doesn't make #sense' now when my brain tells me things need to be done a certain way. sometimes. #and I can handle (my made up) rules being broken and things being done the wrong way SLIGHTLY better. #I can stay calm when these things happen and it doesn't cause meltdowns anymore #but it's still really hard and I just.. I guess I don't know how other people can convince their brains to just stop this stuff? or like? #does this not happen to other people? 🤔 it feels like I'm constantly trying to somehow do all these impossible and pointless things that #My Brain™ tells me to do. and that's very exhausting tbh #but I feel okay about it right now. it's not overwhelming the way it usually is. so I can think about it instead of breaking down #so yeah meds = 💖. everything is just slightly more bearable and that makes me feel like there's a point in trying. #anyway that's enough lol #anxiety stuff #I guess lol #personal

[hopeprevails]

i said i was gonna keep quiet about my unpopular thasmin opinion but i'm not lmao. this is super long and i don't think anyone is interested but i just wanted to put my thoughts out there in the world, since my opinion is in the minority inside the thirteenth doctor fandom and i created this blog to dump all of the opinions i have that no one asked for

thing is: i don't usually ship characters who i think are unhealthy for each other. might sound dumb but i always try to apply the most realistic expectations considering their personalities as i would in real life. and i genuinely think that thirteen and yaz are better off as friends than anything else for one specific reason: boundaries

more under the cut, but just saying before it all, in case my message gets lost: yaz is a brilliant companion and her characterisation is amazing; also, thirteen is my favourite incarnation of the doctor, taking the crown from nine after 6 years of being a doctor who fan. yaz is fundamental to the doctor's history and i hope isn't forgotten by rtd2 and beyond. that being said, i'll just get into it

this incarnation of the doctor in specific is very secretive and doesn't want to talk about her personal stuff; that's a boundary she's set early on. now whether it's a healthy boundary or an unhealthy one, that's a different point. thing is, it exists and thirteen is very clear on this throughout her time with yaz and the fam, especially after spyfall. yaz has someone like that in her family as well, her granny, who we've seen doesn't want to talk about much of what happened before she arrived in sheffield. yaz not only presses her about it, but also decides to find out for herself since she has access to time travel (don't get me wrong here, demons of the punjab is def one of my all time modern who fave episodes, i'm really glad it exists). it's only after she's seen in person what's happened that she "allows" her granny not to tell her. it's a very consistent trait of her character and her pressing the doctor to tell her stuff doesn't come out of nowhere (like i've seen some people saying outside of tumblr). i'm also not judging here if that's a good or a bad thing, it just is.

and this takes me to my next point: yaz was growing more and more frustrated with the doctor as time moved on. to understand why, let's take all of this from yaz's perspective: we know she's someone who presumably thinks that people should talk about their secrets with their loved ones, in any type of relationship (familial, platonic, romantic, whatever). graham says to o in spyfall that the doctor always changes the topic when they ask her where she's from and all of that, which would suggest that they've tried several times before and thirteen always deflects. then this o guy shows up, "kidnaps" the doctor and when she comes back, she's distant and aloof, but won't tell them what happened. then they meet ruth, and thirteen comes back looking way more defeated than they've ever seen, only agreeing to talk about what happened because they press her again and the information she gives them isn't all that informative. that gets us to season 12 finale, yaz refuses to believe the doctor is dead but doesn't know how to reach her, doesn't even understand what was happening at all. why was she out when they found her inside the citadel? what did the master want with her? what's been going on all this time? i think it's during these 10 months that yaz's frustration peaks inside her: she's feeling abandoned and lost. for someone who always tries to understand everything down to the last detail and doesn't like secrecy in her relationships, that's just too much for her. but she's in love with thirteen (even if she hasn't realised it yet), so she obviously doesn't let go. thirteen comes back pretending nothing's changed, and the rest of the episode is history. when we get to flux, this frustration is more evident than ever and their relationship, even as friends, seems fractured and tense. there was a point when i would watch them together and wonder why yaz put up with the doctor at all if it wasn't doing her any good. in my opinion, she should've pulled a martha and left to find a more satisfying relationship, that was adequate to her needs as a person. again, if i think she's right or not is another thing, but this is just how i saw it all at this point. thirteen does apologise for shutting yaz out at the end of flux, but even after that it's clearly difficult to get her to just sit down and talk about everything that happened.

now it would be unfair to not try and see things from the doctor's perspective as well. i must admit i'm a little biased because i think and act a lot like thirteen in emotional situations, so i tend to understand her side a lot more than yaz's (but i tried to be as unbiased as possible when analysing everything from yaz's pov). the doctor has just been losing people left and right the last hundreds of years. not counting classic who or rtd's era because i don't feel like there was that much focus on found family there (and i haven't watched classic who unfortunately): eleven thought he found a family, amy and rory were taken from him. he gets married to river, their timeline seems to be ending. he finds clara after isolating himself, regenerates into twelve, creates this codependent and sometimes downright unhealthy attachment to her and sees her life crumbling down before she herself dies. loses river yet again, loses bill in a brutal way and thinks missy has betrayed him. he comes to terms with (some of) his losses and with his pain in twice upon a time, only to see the first face thirteen met - grace - die the very same day she met her. my blorbo is damn tired, and you know what? i get her. i lost some friends (like losing touch for lots of reasons, not that they died lol) and was "betrayed" (in mudane things) by some others and now i just avoid everyone lmao. i'm in my 20s, can you imagine this shit happening your whole damn life and you're more than 2000 years old? in thirteen's mind, the obvious solution is: always try to be nice and never fail to be kind, but like, miles and miles emotionally away from everyone. ten had been "mostly" honest with rose and lost her. twelve came to completely trust clara, and lost her. thirteen decides to not open up unless it's absolutely necessary. and i also think she has a serious case of delayed emotional response and shuts down when confronted with her own pain, which makes conversations about emotional topics (either her feelings for anyone or her past) really difficult, probably even physically painfull (she's basically curling towards herself in fugitive of the judoon when she says ryan doesn't know her and also when she explains to yaz she can't be with her in legend of the sea devils). from this article:

How can you tell if someone is experiencing a delayed emotional response?

One of the most common signs of a delayed emotional response or Delayed Trauma Response is an inability to process and express emotions in a timely manner. When someone is experiencing it, they may appear to be “frozen” or “stuck” at the moment. They may be unresponsive and unable to express their feelings about what happened or how they are feeling in the present moment.

Other signs that someone may be experiencing Delayed Trauma Response include changes in behavior such as avoidance of certain activities, avoiding eye contact, difficulty expressing emotion verbally, increased aggression and irritability, hypervigilance, extreme sensitivity to reminders of the trauma, and flashbacks.

People experiencing Delayed Emotional Response may also have difficulty sleeping, numbness or disconnection from others, social withdrawal, self-loathing and guilt, loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed, and difficulty concentrating."

i counted ten symptoms, so she hits a lot of boxes there. especially during flux, we see the "increased aggression and irritability" towards yaz after their small argument in halloween apocalypse. delayed emotional response is a serious problem that is difficult to experience and heal from, and thirteen doesn't seem to see a way out of it. to trust yaz is to be vulnerable and to be vulnerable is to explain everything and to explain everything is to deal with all these emotions and risk getting hurt all over again and she can't do that. it's sad, really, how much she needs help but doesn't feel like is either worthy of it or that anyone would be able to help her. she has a duty of care towards the universe and everyone around her, and her own emotions be damned. it's interesting that we see thirteen actively avoiding to direct unpleasantness or negativity to the fam throughout her time with them, but in halloween apocalypse, she also gets frustrated with yaz. she loves yaz's company and wants her to stay travelling with her, but the budging and the questioning gets to her after that small argument and the doctor just can't filter her reactions anymore.

so, conclusion is: the doctor's boundaries hurt yaz, who needs more openness in her relationships and to feel she understands their loved ones and their lives; these are yaz's boundaries. but these boundaries hurt thirteen, who grows frustrated that yaz doesn't understand her reasons but also can't bring herself to open up to, in turn, make yaz understand her. and that's why i said in one of my tags that i thought thirteen's attempt to talk about their romantic feelings in legends of the sea devils was extreeeemely commendable. it was obviously painful and uncomfortable, but she pushes through it because she loves yaz and knows yaz deserves closure, so she can move on. as someone who goes through similar things in my personal life, i was proud of thirteen. and i think that, as sad as it was, her decision was the right one

#thirteenth doctor #13th doctor #doctor who #dw #not gonna tag the ship because no one wants to see a disagreeing post on their favourite tag #also should mention that i think it's completely okay to ship them #im a lesbian and the way chibnall worked on their relationship is just brilliant and touching #it was real representation of a beautiful love between them #i hope yaz shows up in the unit spinoff and fifteen meets her #and i just know yaz would be perfect for unit #thirteen* #the doctor #long post #misha talks

[nightcall99]

Notes from 20.2.24

'Nothing here is for me'. Yeah.

Here's some boring ranting about my life. (I'm not here right now, I'm an NPC. Can you tell the difference?)

SM is getting shipped off again for a few weeks to another store, and today he said, Nice knowing you, yeah? I said, We already did this last month, I don't know why you keep popping back here so I have to keep saying goodbye, it's kind of annoying. He said, Yeah I know. Normal friends just continue on being friends regardless of where they are physically, but we've always had a complicated relationship. It's like when you know someone too well, and realise it doesn't translate outside of being in forced close proximity. Anyway, then I saw him at the supermarket after work and I knew he saw me first but didn't say anything. Then I walked past him outside while he was waiting for his Uber and he pretended not to see me, until I said something first. I know I invented all this to show me how I really feel. Which is hurt. We used to be so close. I dunno, I've let everyone go except him. There's just a tiny twinge left and that's why I had that dream yesterday. He was one of the few people in my life who was genuinely a good listener. I used to be able to say anything to him and he was never fazed. It's always me being the good listener.

Anyway, AL is annoying me too. On Sundays, we usually stay back for hours to gossip but I wasn't feeling it. So I invented her getting pissed off at the students because they never pull their weight and so she got into a bad mood and wanted to go home immediately. I was happy because that meant I could go home and read my YA fantasy books. I finish one per day almost. There's nothing else to do. I said it before but I don't leave the house unless it's to go to work. I might go to the supermarket, but that's it. I have no desire to go for a walk. I really need to service my car and pump my tires and fill up the wiper fluid. And go to the optometrist and the dentist but I can't bring myself to. I really need to clean out my closet. Re-string my guitar. Clean off the layer of dust on everything. If I focus in on it, it becomes real. But I don't, so it's not real. And things just work out.

I forgot some part-timer kid's name. Made a joke of it, and now she fist bumps me whenever she sees me. On New Year's day, the fridge broke down causing a temperature excursion for all the stuff in there and that meant I had to contact all the drug companies and figure out if the stock was still viable to use. It's been so busy, so I never got round to it and also I just didn't want to do it. When I came back to work last week after my time off, it had all been sorted out and I didn't have to do anything. I smirked inside my head. Today, some special injections for a patient went missing, two of them at $4000 each (it wasn't out of our own pocket, the medication was organised under compassionate supply for the patient and hence free to them, but still) and I was so feeble and indifferent on the phone explaining to the nurse that I simply don't know where the injections went. I didn't care at all. I thought 'Whatever, it's sorted'. Next thing I know, we get an email saying that more injections will get posted out to us. No worries. Awesome.

Things just work out. I don't feel guilt much anymore. I used to be such a stickler for altruism and morality but the pretence is gone. I see both sides of the coin at all times and it's boring. I'm not a good or a bad person. I just am. I have nothing left. Just this body. I focus on this body. I mean I don't exercise but I make sure I always look pretty. I do my hair. I like looking pretty. I like complaining about it afterwards, that I attracted attention. AL and I are pretty toxic like that, we go to each other and we sneer at men who leer at us. While also using the male gaze to our advantage. Men are stupid and simple and I can get away with things. My manager was too scared to ask me to deal with the fridge breech issue, so SM did it. Yeah, I'm vain. I wouldn't have made it long in this life if I had to continue living here. I don't want to age. There's nothing wrong with aging but personally, I do not want to age. Well to be honest, the real reason I wouldn't have made it long in this life is that I don't know how to look after myself because I have never, ever been tethered to reality. It was just pretending all along. Now I don't have to pretend anymore. I'm just a silly girl, really. AL and I agreed the other day that we're only alive to experience romantic tension. And to look in the mirror. Lmao. If it weren't for my parents, I would have died years ago. I mean, it feels like I was supposed to already be gone by now. This NPC has it's functional limits. It wasn't built for more of whatever the fuck this life is.

Anyway yeah, there's nothing left to live for. Except, maybe beauty. And that's it. I have Venus in Libra, what can I say? I enjoy beauty of every kind. Not the world though. Not planet Earth. Maybe's there's still pockets of beauty out there in the natural world but I don't go looking for it anymore. Trees and ponds and shit are dead. I'm talking about all the things that were inspired by the world, but are not really of it. Never really were. Books, poetry, film, music, photography, paintings, fashion. The idea of love. Being in love with the idea of love. To me, this has never changed. It has always been my constant. These things were never 'real' before and they aren't 'real' now. It was always just something imagined, out of hope or whatever. We created an escape through the creation of beautiful things because all along, we have always been dissatisfied. The ground we stood upon was never enough. And that feeling, it needed to come out. I was born with it.

[futurequibblerjournalist]

right fuck you here's a bunch of questions from fanfiction writing asks game: 4, 20, 23, 29, 35, 41, 46, 51, 57, 68 & 75. Enjoy answering these you bastard < 3

Damn okay, sounds like a fucking threat fknbjgnbjg I will happily answer this threat for you, you little shit < 3

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

Pretty much just vibes, honestly. I come up with most of my ideas very sporadically, so it's all about what I'm feeling at the moment. I wish I had a more interesting answer, but I usually just look through this little notebook I've got that I write all my ideas in and randomly pick something for whatever ship I'm feeling at the moment. Tho I will also say that if a fic I'm planning is getting hyped by others there's a good chance it'll get prioritised lol, I'm a simple man

20. Do you prefer writing AUs or canon fics?

That's,, a hard question?? I think with the Marauders fandom there's still so much to discover and interpret when it comes to canon fics, but also there's not exactly a whole lot of,, canon??? It's fun to explore different takes and I do have stuff planned for canon fics but I think my own ideas appear easier when it comes to aus. If you look at my currently published fics this is pretty clear too. I'm personally really into incorporating "canon events" into aus or at least partially in some sort of au translation if that makes any sense lol. Sometimes it's fun when aus mirror canon (partially or fully) but I also find it very fun to just,, go ham with whatever really lol. That was a lot of words for me to realise that's it's probably aus lmao

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

I don't know if there's any part of the story I find the easiest to write? It depends a lot on how solid my outline is lol. If I have too little it'll all become a struggle because then my brain suddenly has to spend time coming up with ideas instead of focusing on writing and those two seem to come from two different places in my brain. Hardest, however, will probably always be the ending. I think especially if it's something longer with multiple chapters or a high word count. The more time and energy I spend on a project, the more I struggle. I love so many of my projects, especially the longer ones, and the fact that they're gonna be done and over and I'm not going to work on them anymore is something I struggle with and my brain just sort of blocks me from finishing things sometimes. I've got a 25k story that I started writing almost two years ago that's literally only missing the ending, but I can't bring myself to finish it quite yet vjnfjbngj

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I had to think long and hard about this vjnfjbngjb I'm not sure if the people would agree lol, but I feel like I've got a pretty good grasp on how to portray emotions. Whether it's through subtle body language, interrupted speech or general involvement with the environment and setting a mood for the scene that way, it's probably one of the things I think I do best? I used to struggle with it, but I put a lot of work into trying to improve and since it (at least to me) has been successful, I'm quite proud. There's also just nothing better than when I get told I've captured a character accurately, especially when it's someone you thought you were doing a shit job at (Yes, James, I'm looking at you lol)

35. What’s your favourite fic you’ve posted?

I think it's going to have to be A Very Merry Christmas Cliché. Which honestly doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I'm insanely proud of it, both for it being my first time writing Jegulus, it being my first fic posted on a schedule but also the fact that I wrote an outline, just short of 71k words and published all of it in under a month. It was such a passion project and all the lovely comments I've gotten on it has only made me fonder of the whole thing.

41. Who’s your favourite character you’ve written?

It changes constantly honestly. I love writing Barty, Regulus, Remus and increasingly James?? He's so unlike any other character I enjoy writing, but hearing continued praise for how I write him has only made me more fond and proud of my portrayal of him somehow? I mean, it makes sense, praise breeds that sort of thing usually, but James isn't exactly a character I find myself relating to a whole lot, or so I thought? I don't know if I'm realising something about myself or something like that haha, but my desire to write him has skyrocketed recently.

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

It feels like cheating to say a muggle au lol, but it's an answer that allows for a lot of different aus to be added as like,, secondary aus?? I don't think I lean towards any more specific aus than that? Also!! When I say a muggle au I don't mean a modern one!!! Not necessarily at least lol

I'm trying to think of any more specific aus and all my brain can come up with is tropes?? So yeah, bonus answer to the question I guess, if it was one trope for the rest of my life it would probably be hurt/comfort or MCD

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

Not a whole lot, honestly. I'm a sucker for romance and queer stories and that's pretty much all I both read and write? I write significantly more smut than I read tho, I will say that lol

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

SO CONSCIOUS!!!! Like???? I can happily spend hours thinking about that shit, I am an English teacher's dream. Yes, I made the curtains blue on purpose, yes he's looking out the window for a reason, oh there are flowers in the fic? You can bet your ass those have some symbolism behind them. I fucking love symbolism, I'm such a sucker for them and I will happily spend hours googling and double checking and all that shit to make sure they're accurate and fit well. I spent so much time researching symbolism for that previously mentioned 25k word story I need to finish, but there's definitely also some of it in other stuff I write.

I plan out fics quite far in advance, I usually don't start writing until I have the whole thing outlined, both to be able to add a bunch of foreshadowing (but also to avoid plotholes lol)

I can't say it's as much of a conscious decision in some of my smutty works, but there's some stuff in there too. I can't wait to share more of the work that features more symbolism vjfnjbgnjb,, I really need to finish that fic, even if it's not a Marauders fic

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

I can't say there is, not consciously at least? I admire a lot of other writers and I'd say their works certainly inspire me, but I don't actively feel influenced by them. If I do it's little things like terms and phrases and perhaps actions (thank you Katie for inspiring the little dick pat on Barty's tongue, it's getting a feature in the sharpshooter fic lmao)

I do find myself influenced by the writing styles of traditionally published books. I don't know if it's because I sit with them physically in my hands, but some books that I've really liked the writing styles of have been Carrie Soto Is Back and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo both by Taylor Jenkins Reid, as well as A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson (though I'm still currently reading that one). It's perhaps not as noticeable, but I like the sentence structures both authors use and their use of inserts (news clippings, interviews, etc). I don't know if this is how the question is supposed to be answered but oh well, this is what you're getting haha

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

110% a losing game. It's only my second "jegulus" fic and even then this was "just" a solo fic with Regulus. It was the first fic I wrote after A Very Merry Christmas Cliché and I was surprised to see how fast it got hits in comparison, not that I'm complaining. But damn, people are horny for Jeggy lol

Thank you for the question, this took me literal hours to answer lmao < 3

#writer ask game #ask game #fanfic writer ask

[free--therapy]

umm hi again, i know i sent in multiple asks. I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you 🙏

after sending those two asks, I've been doing some thinking and realised a few things.

i realised the thing I'm most scared of is those memories of the time i was dealing with high anxiety and overthinking. the thought of getting to that point again is so scary to me. so when those memories from that time come back, if i dwell on those memories/thoughts for even just longer than usual, then there's this peculiar "feeling" or "vibe" that comes with those memories/thoughts. it's like a dark or negative coat covering the same everyday surroundings and making them feel different

that feeling or vibe is something i associate with all the negativity or anxiety. since the time i was at my worst with anxiety made me feel a certain way, back then the same surroundings looked and felt so different, so depressing. so i associate all memories/thoughts of that time with that feeling.

so if i dwell on those memories too much now, i end up remembering that feeling clearly and suddenly my surroundings start "looking" like back then. all that negativity, since I've been out of it for so long, experiencing it again sounds like a nightmare tbh hence why it makes me feel scared even though those memories are just thoughts

but since i feel so scared or anxious at the thought of it, recently i started questioning "could it be that i never moved on from it at all?" or "could it be that all this while i was just distracting myself because I was busy?" and those thoughts seemed legit

however then i realised that it's not like that. it's not that i was distracting myself because even in this past one year there were times when those thoughts/memories came up but it's just that i never dwelled on them at all. even if any memory came up, i would go "well it's in the past now" and i would direct my attention to whatever i was doing in the present or even towards my future goals.

now it's vacations and a long one at that, so somewhere in my mind i already ended up thinking "long vacations = anxious thoughts coming back" which is why I was already on guard but i didn't realise that by being on guard i was actually"attracting" those thoughts more because I was focusing too much on them.

i wasn't distracting myself with work when I had university work but rather i was focusing on present and future instead of dwelling on the past. and i realised that that is something i can do now as well!

because recently whenever I get those memories and thoughts and in extension, that gloomy feeling, i usually sort of panic and try to forcibly change the "vibe" by making myself think about things i want but that doesn't work

but i just realised when I had university work, i never tried to force any thought or feeling just to counter those anxious ones. i simply decided to focus on what was more important which was what i was doing in that moment. in that way, when I focused on stuff that really mattered, there was no need fore to make myself feel a certain way or anything like that. everything organically felt like it should and i naturally felt motivated to work on my goals

and even if I am home for a few months now, i still have to prepare for job and study accordingly or do internships, etc. so it's not like I'm free and have nothing to do. so instead of thinking about "how can I remove those memories of thoughts from my mind?" or "how can I avoid that gloomy feeling from returning?" instead of actively dwelling on it and trying to fight it, if i just let it be there as "thoughts and memories" from the past and just focus on my present and future, that would naturally make me feel happier and relaxed right?

as in instead of trying to forcibly remove or desperately avoid that gloomy feeling by picturing happy scenarios while constantly dwelling on it in the process, i can simply still focus on my present tasks and give them my priority like i was doing with my university work. by doing so i naturally change the vibe of my present moment to what it really is.

since when my anxiety was at it's worst two years back, i couldn't bring myself to think about my future goals or work for them back then. i would just overthink about stuff and never felt any motivation to work for my goals because of the anxiety. it was a vicious cycle.

now I'm in a really good space where i am motivated and working towards my goals to achieve what i want. So the idea of losing this positivity and going back to those old ways where i didn't feel motivated to do anything is so scary to me

what i learned through university was that when I focus on my present, the memories of the past and those feelings slowly fade without me even realising. that's not me distracting myself but rather moving on with time. i can still do the same now even if I'm home for a while.

instead of forcibly making myself feel and think a certain way just to avoid those memories and feelings, i can just let it all be there and focus on what really matters and tasks to do in the present and by doing so take my power back from those thoughts.

by doing so, maybe i can remove the fear from it and not think of those memories as something that can potentially ruin my future. it's funny because back then, I had specific thoughts or assumptions which made me anxious. like "what if I'm xyz?" or "am i bad person?" etc.

now i don't have those worries as much but I'm just scared of anxiety itself. As in "what if those memories end up triggering me so much that i end up in anxiety cycle again?" etc.

what do you think?

also, thank you so much for listening as always!! it really helps a lot 💗

Anon, you have so much more self-awareness this time around that you are one step closer to overcoming all of these thoughts you've been having. You have something now that you didn't have before when you were going through that time in your life, which is great! Some people keep spinning in the same cycles and never even realize it, so you are far better off than you realize!

Of course it's scary to think back on those times where you felt like you were drowning and wondering if you'll fall back into that same sort of headspace, but I don't think you will. You already know and have been doing a lot more than you did back then to figure out how to change your mind and how you handle those thoughts when they come up. You're much more prepared now, which is perfect.

however then i realised that it's not like that. it's not that i was distracting myself because even in this past one year there were times when those thoughts/memories came up but it's just that i never dwelled on them at all. even if any memory came up, i would go "well it's in the past now" and i would direct my attention to whatever i was doing in the present or even towards my future goals.

See! You know exactly what to do. You acknowledged the thoughts and told yourself that it's in the past now. That's what you gotta keep doing :D

When it comes down to it, to combat anxiety, you're trying to bring your mind to focus on the here and now. When you're anxious, you're living in the future and not even enjoying what's happening right now in front of you. You are worrying about things that may not even come to pass when all you have control over is the here and now, and how you deal with it.

You definitely shouldn't be worrying yourself over what may happen with all this free time on your hands. You should fill it with things you enjoy and want to do or maybe have been wanting to do for a while now. Try not to think of this break as something to dread and make it something you'll enjoy and look back on and thank yourself for, for doing something good and making good use of your time.

You're on the right track, Anon. You are in a much better place today than you were 2 years ago. Keep going! ❤❤

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #anxiety #rumination

[ixoren]

colour test with these kids

#doodle #for the upcoming spideychelle week comic... it's going to be late #don't look at me #petermj #what is shading ? idk #i realise this doesn't look too different from my usual stuff but whatever #my art #spider-man #spideychelle

[cadaverkeys]

Hi do you have any advice for someone who wants to get serious about improving their own art? I'd like to actually get better but I'm not sure I really know how to do that or where to start

Hey! I made this another below the cut style advice just bc I like to ramble abt art stuff. All these things listed are practices that would come under "study" or "research" when in a portfolio! (I've provided examples of how these things also look my personal work for reference!)

PART 1 - COPYING (the good kind!)

There is a pretty big stigma in online art communities against directly copying concepts, art styles, colouring methods, etc. I feel that these issues have been greatly blown out of proportion. If you find an artist that displays traits that you want in your own art try to copy it! (You can even trace it to try to figure out how it works- though I wouldn't publicly post any traced art!). Most of the time you will find that your art doesn't actually look anything like the style you were trying to copy- it's a learning curve and no one is a perfect mimic. But you learn something! It's a study! When you try to copy an art style that's when you really realise what is and isn't there. You might realise that this person never draws teeth, or that they never include pupils in the eye, or that they have flowers in everyone's hair- Stuff that might not be obvious at a first look.

This is why I keep an inspo tag on my blog! It has concepts in it, yes, but also certain ways colours, lines, or poses are used that I would love to also embody in my own art. The more you do studies like this the more you realise the smaller differences that add to a personal art style.

Here's some examples of pieces where I was trying to copy another artist! A lot of these are pretty recent too.

Many people worry that making derivative art will lessen the quality of the outcome- but I tend to feel that these pieces where I'm trying to learn something are actually some of my best works.

PART 2- LIFE DRAWING

Unfortunately this is the study most people hate. Drawing people from real life. Double unfortunately, getting access to models is often something that costs money- which is not convenient for everyone. I'm lucky enough that these days my life drawing is provided by my university, however, when I made my art school portfolio I exclusively used online resources! I would recommend Line-Of-Action where you can give very specific outlines abt what you want reference images of for life drawing and Croquis Cafe which do more specifically guided lesson plans. I recommend playing fast and loose with your figure drawings- it's a slow start but over time you begin to realise the basic shapes that make up the body when you try to draw quicker and quicker. Some various directions you can chose to take your study include:

Foreshortening! This is the focus on how poses at certain angles effect the length of the limbs and body. You can see here I'm using a combination of lines and circles to plot out how the body is structured which helps me get a more accurate angle.

Tone studies! This is where you're focusing on where the highlights catch a models body and where the darkest shadows are. I usually use three colours exclusively for this and it helps you begin to see where how to build dimension and textures through lighting and shade.

Motion studies! These must be done as incredibly quick as is possible. I tend to put on Olympic gymnastic routines on at half speed and I will just look up for a second and immediately sketch whatever pose I could see. These are not meant to be literally accurate as much as they are meant to convey the life and energy of the model. This helps if you want to begin creating more expressive poses.

And finally- exaggeration studies. These are great for animators and comic book artists. When drawing your life model try to ask yourself "what features make them most distinct? how far can i stretch that? what if that distinct feature was the only thing left remaining?" on this one I've taken note of the models flat chest, large hips, and long hair. I would generally advise to also consider what types of exaggerations may be considered offensive and to try to avoid replicating caricatures that may be used to demean others. Try to focus on traits that make this individual unique, not just what is immediately obvious about their figure.

PART 3 - SELF CRIT

Self-critique is a very valuable skill for anyone trying to seriously develop their artwork. Its the norm for artists to want to demean their art all the time however it takes a truly critical eye to also see what is good about it. Critique is not just about making improvements on what failed previously but also to make more of the things you thought came across successfully!

Try to hold onto your old art, even if it embarrasses you. It's good to ask "what specifically is wrong with this? have i changed my way of doing that today?"

You can find a character redesign here that I actually made for my art school portfolio back in 2019

Though I never disliked that previous design it was not as effective as I had wanted it to be. So I kept much of the same features and asked if they could be translated better, more obviously, friendlier, etc. My main nitpicks in that previous design was: that the design was too complicated to reasonably animate the colours were too same-y and all the highlights were in the wrong places.

To fix this I greatly simplified the hair and line style, but I also took away her polaroid cameras- something I really loved about her previous design that just needed the axe at the end of the day. It simply didn't work. But also, I took that brightest colour (the yellow) and instead of making it all over her design I located it specifically in the parts that matter. Seeing her shoes when she walks, seeing her hat to identify her as a witch, and seeing her torso to bring the eye forward to focus on the character herself.

________________________________________________________

This is a HECKA a lot of chatty text! But I hope it can still somewhat come in useful! ^-^ You don't need to do absolutely all these things if you're trying to get a more confident grasp on how to make art that fits your vision then these are all reliable choices. <3

#long post #ram asks #anon #tutorial

[krystalites]

stationary date with nct dream

genre: fluff all the way

word count: 2.4k

a/n: this popped off when I was planning a stationary date with a friend of mine. Jaemin's part got a bit short cause I kinda forgot about his existence and added it after I lost all my imagination.

⌜ mark ⌟

Between Mark's endless promotions and you studying for your exams, you thought it would be nice to plan a stationary date. You needed new supplies and your boyfriend Mark needed some time to himself.

When you and Mark arrived to the stationary you discovered a few days ago, you noticed that it wasn't as busy as usual. There were only a few people and all that could be heard was soft mumbling of these people along with the soft music playing in the back ground. After making sure Mark was well hidden under his mask, hat and sunglasses combo, the two of you quickly entered the stationary and immediately sprinted towards the rack here the colourful pens were stacked. After minutes of trying out pens and trying to create a nice colour palette, you moved on to the notebooks.

Hours passed by, the sun setting and everybody else leaving. Mark lifted his head from the Oz-Pack's he was checking out and smiled at the sight of you trying to pick out a pencil case. You looked adorable looking from a pencil case to another, examining them carefully so you could choose one of them.

"Come on, I'll buy you both of them." No matter how much you protested, Mark didn't listen and still bought you everything you've put in the little basket the cashier gave you when you first entered the store.

On the way back, you squeezed Mark's hand tightly. "I'm sorry if you didn't have as much as fun as I did." you mumbled quietly. Your boyfriend was quick to shake his head and smile.

"No, I really enjoyed it. It was quite calming actually. We should do it again another time."

⌜ renjun ⌟

The idea was all Renjun. Over the few months, he had grown a habit of keeping a diary. He would sketch stuff, tape random stuff, put stickers and more. When you told him that a bullet journal would look really nice and showed him some pictures, he became really excited. A few days later, he asked you to tag along while going to the stationary to buy the items he needed. Of course, you quickly agreed and took him to a stationary you knew that was pretty popular. By the time you guys got there, it was quite late. Only about an hour left to closing the store, it was almost empty.

You two quickly entered the store and started your little journey of looking for the perfect items. Renjun told you he would go for a more brown-ish look, so you both picked out lots of nude coloured supplies with black ball point pens and stickers. He also got a few sketching pens and markers.

And Renjun being Renjun, he managed to convince you to keep a bullet journal too. So whatever you guys picked for Renjun, you quickly bought them too and left the store minutes before closing. Not wanting to end the night, you quickly went to a convenience store nearby and bought a few drinks. You went to a park, sat on the picnic tables and started to decorate your journals.

You had finished earlier, leaving a bit more place for writing and less for decorations. You wrote something inside the journal, left it open and started napping with your arms under your head. Renjun smiled at the sight of you sleeping and noticed that your journal was open. He took it to close it, yet didn't when he saw what was scribbled inside. Instead, he smiled and leaned forward to plant a kiss on your hair.

Words weren't enough to express his endless and pure love to you.

Dear Diary,

I love Renjun.

⌜ jeno ⌟

Jeno was the perfect boyfriend, quite literally. He was caring, gentle, sweet, handsome, funny and all. But most importantly, he never forgot anything you said. Never. In your whole relationship of 3,5 years he never forgot anything you said. Including you telling him about how you ran out of school supplies over face time a few months ago.

Which is how you ended up in front of a stationary you mentioned to your boyfriend over a week ago. He pulled you in, walking over to the yearly agendas to get you the alpaca one you always wanted. Whatever you mentioned to him on that face time, he found all of them. He also payed for them, after you made him promise to let you pay when he wanted to buy something.

After the two of you exited the store and went back to the dorms, you quickly walked over to his shared room with Jaemin. Thankfully he wasn't at the dorm. You quickly pushed your boyfriend on the bed, climbing on his lap and squeezing the hell out of him. He laughed and kissed your forehead, hugging you back.

"Thanks for remembering everything I say, Jeno. You have no idea how loved that makes me feel." you mumbled quietly. He opened his mouth to say something, but you quickly put your pointer finger on his lips. "Let me continue. Seeing how much you care for me makes me really happy and I think that we could actually have a long and beautiful future ahead of us." you leaned to your bag sitting a few inches away from the two of you. You quickly pulled out a box out of the bag and threw the bag to its old place. You opened the box and pulled out two rings. Jeno's eyes widened as the realisation hit him.

"Which is why I'm giving you this promise ring. One day, when we're sure we can come out to the whole world, I'm going to marry you. Until then, let's keep these rings as a promise."

Jeno talked to his manager later that day, telling him that both him and you were ready to go public.

⌜ haechan ⌟

Donghyuck hadn't left you alone in days, clinging on you like a koala. You had come from your hometown to Seoul for two weeks. Your boyfriend missed you like crazy over the months, being in a long distance relationship could be hard sometimes. There were only a few days left, after flying back to your hometown you were going to start your spring quarter of the school year. A friend of yours who used to lived in Seoul had told you about a certain stationary, mentioning cute pens and school supplies you couldn't find in your hometown.

When you asked Donghyuck if he wanted to tag along, he whined and whined until you managed to convince him. You needed him anyways, you still had difficulties in speaking and understanding Korean.

"Do we really have to do this? You only have a few days left, I want to cuddle with you! And more..." He pouted and crossed his arms on his chest. When you finally arrived at the stationary, he entered it unwillingly but you know the mighty power of Stationaries. As soon as he stepped in, he was amazed by the environment and the beautiful supplies and before you knew it he was more excited than you.

After an hour of wandering in the stationary and picking out stuff, the store started to get busy. Considering you had to keep Donghyuck's existence there as a secret, both of you quickly payed and ran out. Giggling like high school girls, you two exited the store and called a cab. While waiting, you two compared the stuff you bought. You had bought all the stuff you were planning to buy and he bought a notebook and a bunch of pens to write lyrics.

The first song he wrote was a love song for you and only you, waiting to be shared to the whole world with only the two of you knowing the meaning behind it.

⌜ jaemin ⌟

When Jaemin came up to you with an idea of a gaming journal, you couldn't say no. He wanted create a little booklet filled with all the games he's ever played, along with ratings and comments about them. He was very enthusiastic about video games, always finding something new to play. Sometimes he would come over to your place to play games with you, or simply teach you how to play one.

The two of you met up at the stationary close your school, as it was in a less busier area. While there, he also declared that this meet up was actually a date. While he was looking at the stuff he wanted to buy, you tried out different pens. Noticing a little white board and a few colourful white board markers, you quickly bought them so you could use them for studying. You had to start revising for your exams in a few days. When you were done, you fund Jaemin in the huge store, now just following him around. He bought different coloured markers and pens and a black notebook. He also got copies of some game covers to stick on each page.

When the two of you got back to the dorms, you quickly pulled a chair next to his table where his small set up was. Placing your newly-bought items on the desks free space. You quickly began sticking the covers on each page, writing the games name and general information, how it ended, on what platform he played etc. At the very bottom, there were Jaemin's comments and a rating he gave. The first few pages were done, and you two were actually very proud of yourselves. It looked really good! Jaemin thanked you and gave you little kisses all over your face. After finishing showering you with kisses, he told you he'd play games with his friends. You quickly climbed on his lap and snuggled into him, burying your face in the crook of his neck with your legs swinging on his sides.

Jaemin smiled at the way you were cuddling with him and shook his head to the sides. He gave you a little kiss on the temple and started playing.

"Thank you sweetheart. You make me really happy by showing interest in my interests."

⌜ chenle ⌟

Chenle had bought you a few last minute plane tickets , and yes multiple tickets, because he wanted you to fly all around the world with him for Dream's world tour. He made you so happy, proving that he doesn't want to be away from you for that long.

When he came home and told you about the tickets, your first idea was to create a small photo album. Though, you didn't want it to be simple. You wanted small details, which is why you were at the stationary now, trying to decide if you wanted to decorate the album with blue-ish colours or pink-ish colours. The items were laid on a small rack in the store, in a less busier part of it.

The date idea was both yours and Chenle's. You wanted him to come with you, he wanted it to be a date. And the closest place where this date could take place was the stationary a few blocks away from his house.

"I think we should go with pink." Chenle said after a very long silence. "The album cover is cream coloured, and pink would go better with that." Imagining what it would look like, you agreed with him. You bought a bunch of pink ink pens, Stabilo's and Signo's. You bought a few black pens and markers too. Chenle insisted on buying pink post-it's too, so you also bought them. Even though the two of you were done with the shopping, you still looked around and bought some stuff for the next school year.

Hours passed by in the little store. You found your boyfriend in the very back of the store, checking out agendas. You tapped his shoulder with a little smile, and let out a loud laugh when he flinched.

"Calm down, Lele. It's just me." He pouted and flicked your forehead gently. "You scared me! Are we going home?" He asked and rubbed his eyes. He was feeling sleepy. Something he does whenever he feels like he could sleep at the spot. "You look tired. I think we should." With your answer, you exited the store hand in hand.

Later that night, right before falling asleep, Chenle whispered something in your ear.

"I can't wait to travel like this with you, I hope we can do it with our children sometime in the future."

And you did it.

⌜ jisung ⌟

To say Jisung was freaked out would be an understatement. The first day of school was tomorrow, and he hadn't bought any school supplies. He called you last minute, rambling something about going to the stationary with him because you had a lot of "knowledge about pens and everything. You being the amazing significant other you are, quickly agreed and got ready.

After meeting Jisung in front of the stationary and making a list of everything that needs to be bought, you quickly got to work. Files, copy papers, scissors, pens, erasers and whatever else you need for school. You bought a few stuff for his locker too, so he could decorate it. You got copies of all the necessary papers and forms, quickly putting them all in a file you bought from the store.

Almost an hour later, you were finished. You quickly went to the dorms together to organize all of the stuff you had bought. While sticking the name tags on the notebooks, Jisung looked up at you ,who was sitting on his bed, and smiled gently. After watching you carefully write Park Jisung on each tag both in Hangul and Romanisation for a few minutes, he finally spoke up.

"Hey Y/N..?" You turned your head to him and tilted your head to the side. "Yeah, 'Sungie?" He blushed at the simple nickname, despite having heard it for almost a million times. It really affected him that much. "I wanted to thank you for helping me out today. I'm sorry I asked you to come over just like that, but I couldn't have finished all of this so soon without you." You chuckled and finished tagging your last item, quickly jumping on his bed, right next to him. You pulled him on your chest by pushing his head on it. Jisung smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist.

This was his happy place.

#nct dream #nct dream reactions #nct dream scenarios #nct dream drabbles #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct fluff #mark lee #huang renjun #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #zhong chenle #park jisung #nct mark #nct renjun #nct jeno #nct haechan #nct jaemin #nct chenle #nct jisung

[zerozeroren]

Styles and Attitudes, part 4: Sophie

My girl gave me the most grief XD you have no idea how many fully drawn rejects I now have on my tablet. Sometimes you think that the outfit will be perfect until you see it on the character and realise that no, it just doesn't flow as you wanted it to. Oh well

Anyway, Sophie's style is definitely the most simplistic and casual. She doesn't have much of an aesthetic like her friends do. It's all just... Stuff, you know? A bunch of sweaters, a few pairs of jeans, some shirts and hoodies that she "borrowed" from Tony later into their relationship (both the lilac hoodie and the pink shirt are stolen from him). This habit is a continuation of her getting to wear stuff that her brothers grew out of. For example, her favourite denim jacket used to belong to Adam, and the blue t-shirt that she restyled as a cop top was originally Levi's. Sophie calls this "a love tax" and explains that wearing these things "is like wearing a hug".

Sophie prioritizes comfort over looks, thus often wears oversized pieces (especially tops), yoga pants/leggings, denim and dark colors. Another factor that determines the contents of her wardrobe is money: she doesn't have a lot of cash to spare, so she rarely buys new items, and whatever she does buy she byus on sales or thrift stores. Generally, she does not own much: she had to change cities twice, and quickly got rid of anything that wasn't strictly necessary. This changed once she settled, however: she slowly started to dress up with more variety and let herself have things that weren't of basic need.

Despite not putting much thought into her clothes, Sophie does have preferences. She gravitates towards shades of blue. She's also the character who is most likely to wear funny prints and graphic tees, most oftenly with silly puns on them, just because it makes her - and people around her - smile.

She owns a few skirts and dresses, but they usually are in line with her casual relaxed looks. They still have to be comfy for Sophie to wear them, so she usually pairs them up with leggings to allow herself more movement. However, she also owns a single gown: a wine red option with high heeled shoes to go with it. This gown is reserved for job related occasions: whenever she has to attend an event for the theater, she puts on full makeup (something she almost never does when she's not on stage), heels and this dress. Since she feels like her behaviour needs to match her looks and the occasion's requirements, a Sophie In The Dress and Sophie as is are two completely different people. Sophie's manners change entirely, from a wise-cracking goofball to a sophisticated cynical socialite, which is pretty funny to observe for anyone who has ever seen Sophie's usual antics.

Sophie doesn't think too highly of her looks, which is a product of her self-esteem issues caused by her family and abusive ex. Her take is: "Ume is hot, Nana is beautiful, Hime is cute, and I am... Also here :D". Still, she doesn't really care: she sees her charisma as something more important than her "nose with deviations". Needless to say, once she got to get positive affirmations from her friends, her self-esteem started to improve.

#my art stuff #attitudes #sophie #sophie brannt #my ocs #ooooffff the last part of this beast is done #it was super fun tho #maybe I'll do some other character #I'm open to suggestions #hope it was fun for y'all too #oc lore