#i need to stop being oh no i cant post on my blog random thoughts thats weird!! but then i remember its MY blog and i get to control what

[rudeboimonster]

claws into the earth. if you ever want to talk music with me good GOD please do. i want to foam at the mouth about albums and musicians i like and i wanna hear about the ones you do too. inbox is always fucking open holy SHIT

#yall ever remember music you like and just lose your GOD DAMN MIND. literally music make me lose control at the drop of a hat #[this is extra a joke bc i have. so many snapbacks for my fav musicians] [i am a very silly creature] #i need to stop being oh no i cant post on my blog random thoughts thats weird!! but then i remember its MY blog and i get to control what #the FUCK im doing here and also ive been here 12 goddamn years #im allowed to fucking foam at the mouth over music about that old and twice or three times that age if i fucking WANT TO #want to try to. actually just ramble here more. bc lol fuck the bird app and i aint leaving here #and all the other sites sound like shiiiiiit #anyways god the scene of like. dubstep/dnb inspired music circa 2012-2017 was good shit. refound some vindata tracks that still get me

[seabunnythatlikeshorror]

Okay i cant find the post but i’ll take it as a yes so here:

1: sleep tight don’t let the milf’s bite

2: I sometimes think you’re not neurotypical

3:i can just smell the trauma

4:my queerness could never

5:i can just feel the gay

6:You know how i said “I definitely jinxed it”…yea i did

7:sounds like a crisis…mood

8:In one sentence i somehow made my whole bloodline ashamed of me

9:Dont know if this is supped to be gay or therapy

10:my yawns sound like a quiet chainsaw

11:my dreams are either trauma or gay…what does that mean

12:my dream was amazing filled with zombies but amazing

13:be the gays you need to be

14:i think i ate some soap

15:My brain was somewhat okay and you completely ruined it

16:Okay who do i have to kill this time

17:Yes im using a musical to teach politics

18: think i made a random poem and somehow it got deep

19:What do you not understand about me reading gay shit on webtoon and seeing cute dresses?

20:I will be the monster under your bed i will either comfort you till you sleep or be Jeff the killer

21:Ah yes blackmail the best way to negotiate

22:feel’s like i’ve zoned out while reading this

23:Wheres the TL;DR because i just stopped at Hi!

24:Yea you lost me im in Stratosphere

25:* eats vomit cutely *

26:I still question both of our sanity

27:When they call me baby girl

28: thats stupid bitches tok

29:I mean wouldnt it be cool that your ex is the moon

30:do you even sleep

31:The only people i hate are real people

32:I use the happy emojis all the time they all look dead inside

33:Social anxiety isn’t pog

34:WHOS GONNE GRAB THE BIG ASS COIN OFF HIS FORHEAD

35:MEOWTH SALAD

36:i thought Jessie and James were gay

37:Its called insomnia

38: Hermione is holding me at gun point

39:Is kicking someone a team sport?

40:what part of asl with out sign do you not get

41:kiddo but an insult

42:i was gonne say i watched Luca but damn do you need therapy

43: knew all that trauma would pay off one day

44:imagine not having fangs 🤡

45: being stupid is my job you cant take it from me

46:the whole world hates England

47:okay but arson would be so much fun

48:Do i rly sond like a dog when i say things out loud

49:THEY MADE ME LIVE AND THATS A HATE CRIME ON ME

50:I mean zeus is a whore

51:So we got bad bitch and better bitch making up the baby girl squad

52:Sometimes I challenge how much i can disappoint my ancestors

53:Ghost be judgin while i hit that rennagade

54:Fuck ✨ grammar ✨

55:KNEW YOU WERE A BEAVER

56:Probs an alligator too

57:this blog could always be *cursive rainbow* gayer

58:ah,pintrest my love,my pride,my joy THE FUCKING BANE OF MY EXISTENCE FUCK YOU I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU TO DIE A PAINFUL DEATH

59:✨ alcohol ✨

60:Kiddo go to drugs dont do school

61::i still have trauma from the zebra cardigan

62:yes YES BE THE GAYS YOU NEED TO BE

63:aww thats so gay 🥺

64:hol’ on a god damn fucking second…this shit gay

65:am i turning straight?

66:you broke your fucking plant this better be worth it

67:i have two moods “i wanna die” and ✨gay✨

68:they look like shit but they can look like shit together

69:nice 😏(i never said this or wrote this before just sayin’ its nice)

70:fuck you (affectionate) [is it weird that i said that at least 20 times]

71: fuck you……TAKE MY LIKES

72:we can capitalize off of your dog

73:oh shit i thought that was elsa jumping off of that bridge she made

74:wait are you implying they’re the last non binary orange

75:i might die for the third time now

76:are you god? I mean sans undertale profile pic but still are you god?

77:heh gæ

78:when i sleep i sleep

79:i will not tolerate dead memes in my class room unless its doge

80:he looks so cute but damn do i want to kill him

81:people are just too damn kinky these days

82:so this is what it feels like to have attachment issues

83:But Etida u e-mol-Dionizijo Aguado my beloved

84:I like it just my brains too small to comprehend it

85:shes a sexist feminist in the making

86:i want a mineta x death fic

87:they’ll plan my funeral…add saxobeat

88:a-am i a-a child?!?

89:hey girl you a flashbomb cus you bright

90:hey girl is your gender water cus its fluid

91:Ok im actually proud of that one i better not hear a cricket

92:okay now he looks like an emo boy

93:Yea my will to live is as low as my self esteem

94:can someone plan my funeral yea i know its wedding galore same thing

95:remembering that time i called saiki a tsundere bitch

96:* call me by your name starts playing* NOT AGAIN

97:i may have “i kicked a child” as one of my names but you’re a monster

98:DEATH IS A RACE AND I WANNA WIN

99:Bye :] , wtf?

100:GO CATBOY GO(00:03 am)

101:you know i have a pain tolerance of

102:I kin that emoji

103:That blood stain looks like a pp

104: am i too middle school

105:I feel like my sass level has risen

106:OH! PROCRASTINATION

107:nah i kinda wanna continue to write my raid shadow legends x reader fic

108:plus my confidence is as low as my will to live

109: who wants to have the honour of killing me

110:great mind think alike but also wt

I-

Wow-

#holy malcom #long post #really long post

[msgrumpygills]

what made the colored rose glasses come off?

i can say that mine too came off a while ago and i cant believe how blind i was and i blame his fans because i remember how i was defending him even with all that shit he pulled i thought he needed protection and needed to be treated with so much care and he was big cute baby i was part of the people who got his back no matter what but he is not stopping and the amount of money he and his wife keep asking from the fans and the fans give with love is just too much for me am glad you got out i just cant wait for the others to wake up too

and speaking of walker i too hope it flopped because of his ego and his spn Easter eggs and dean sam parallels its just not fair you cant have it all dean died for sam to live even before he died in the end and jared still trying to make money of it just no!!

This is a really good question, so thank you for asking! I’m glad you got out too! It’s kinda liberating! This will probably get really long because I ramble a lot, so I apologize in advance! 

I’m not entirely sure there was a specific incident or one thing that happened that made me stop and thing, it was sort of a culmination of a few things. Firstly, I sort of lost interest in the show because I was getting tired of the fan service. I know that sounds a little silly because I was a fan, but the whole pandering to the shippers and the bad writing and for lack of a better word, ridiculous storylines, it got to be too much. I stopped getting excited to watch the show. Now that kinda happened naturally in a way because I fell behind a few weeks, but it wasn’t like when I was a hardcore fan, and I’d be waiting to catch up, I just kinda lost the push I guess? Then seeing the storylines and things, I just didn’t think “Oh wow, I really need to get caught up!” because nothing really sounded that interesting. I didn’t care about the Jack storyline, I was tired of the Dean/Cas fan baiting, all of that. I was only interested in Scoobynatural and then the episode where John comes back because I wanted to see Jeffrey Dean Morgan. 

So I was kinda disillusioned a bit about the show. I was also getting really tired of Misha’s political tweeting and his hypocrisy. I believe that was what led me to an anti blog? I can’t really remember how, but I stumbled upon an anti blog and I started reading through and realized that there was a lot going on behind the scenes that I wasn’t really a fan of. So all of these things were kind of stacking on top of the next, and I started to take those glasses off. So it wasn’t really one specific thing, it was many. 

But now I’m at this point where I’m really opening my eyes and realizing how bad things have always been, and I turned a blind eye. I was the same way as you were, needing to protect Jared the big fragile baby, standing up for everything they did. I was going through my timehop and saw some tweets defending Jared’s relentless bullying of Justin Bieber, his insensitive comments of PSH, things like that. It was embarrassing because I was only standing strong with him because I was in so deep as a fan. I mean, I never really agreed with his doxxing of random employees, but I would sort of turn a blind eye to that and just ignore it. Now I realize how stupid that was. 

I’m not saying that I regret being a fan because I don’t. I had a lot of memories, I loved the conventions (not the prices or the Creation company, but that could be an entire different post) and some of the fans were great. I still consider myself a fan of Supernatural and a fan of Jensen and Jared (but he’s pushing it), but I’m not a super fan anymore. I’m at that point where I can recognize when they screw up and can call out things that aren’t okay. I think a lot of fans are still stuck in that illusion that these guys can do no wrong, and it’s sad, but I’m sure they’ll come around at some point. I’m not saying that no one can enjoy the show or the actors or whatever, but at least call them out on their bull and don’t blindly defend everything just because it’s your fave. 

I will say that all celebrities sell things to their fans, and that’s just part of the celebrity/fan relationship. Everyone has merch, everyone does charity fundraisers, etc. What I started to get a little wary of, was everyone jumping on the Represent bandwagon and milking AKF and YANA for every single penny. The first run of AKF was great and I think it started a conversation within the fandom, and everywhere really which is great. I mean, to a point, the second and third runs were cool because I know a lot of people missed out on the first run, etc. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I bought most of the shirts released. But then Misha had to get his grimy paws in the pot and make YANA, using Jensen in the mix too. Is it great to raise money for charity? Yes. Is it cool to do that while making fans happy? Sure. What I got tired of was them milking the same thing for more money. It seemed to lose its authenticity when they kept milking it and making new things if that makes sense. 

But look at Misha and Stands; they milk EVERYTHING they possibly can to get money out of the fans. It really disappointed me that Jared moved AKF to Stands because Stands is a trash company as it is. 

The fans are paychecks to these people, and while that’s just a fact of life, they don’t need to make it so blatant. I thought Gen was bad for shilling products left and right, but Jared is getting just as bad. He’s using Jensen, his family, and Supernatural to try and shill his show and his crappy supplements. 

I haven’t watched Walker, but I’ve seen the failed attempt at trying to capture that Supernatural lightning in a bottle and that reeeeeeally rubbed me the wrong way. I’ve mentioned it before, but he’s basically taking a show that took 15 years to build its fanbase, the family, everything, and trying to do that same thing with a concept that seemed better on paper. 

I think Jared got cocky and figured that the success of Supernatural would follow him into anything he touches, and he’s quickly realizing that it’s not gonna happen. So what does he do? He rides on Supernatural’s coattails to try and bring traffic to these things. The Easter eggs aren’t “for the family”, they’re to try and get viewership up for his show that no one seems to care about as much as he expected. The forced “brotherhood” with Keegan is him just trying to recreate the J2 brotherhood for more attention and more views. After all, part of the magic of Supernatural was the boys, Sam and Dean. Jared’s having to start from scratch and trying to have the same magic and fandom that Supernatural took 15 years to grow, but right away. That’s his biggest problem. 

If anything, I hope it flops because it’s really embarrassing and a bit insulting for Jared to just move onto the next “ship” and the next “family” like Jensen was nothing. It makes the “brotherhood” and the “SPN Family” seem so fake it’s unreal. I also hope it flops so he can get a reality check and a hearty slice of humble pie because Lord knows he needs it. 

#grumpy answers #Jared Padalecki #Supernatural #Jensen Ackles #Anonymous

[redhawtriot]

Valentines 💕Weekend 💕(BNHA x Reader)

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I know literally no one asked for this but here it is anyway lol

I have in bold who I think would say these things, but if I missed someone or you disagree, let me know! This was fun to do!

HnM💕

Part 3: MHA characters as things my boyfriend had said to me 

❤️❤���❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Kaminari/Kirishima/Sero/Tetsutestsu/Mina/Yamada

[You wake up in the morning and try to cuddle with him. You throw your leg over his waist and wrap yourself around him]

Him: Mmm Babe…

You: Good morning~ ba--

Him: Get off of my stomach. I had a dream I ate like 50 tacos and I might throw up.

Bakugou/Shinsou/Todoroki

[you just crashed your starter car going 70 mph on the interstate. You spun off of the road and blew out two of your tires. You call him from a payphone at a random reststop]

You: *sobbing* …a-and I lost my phone in the crash, and the cops dropped me off at this rest stop like three hours away from everyone, and no one who stopped by here would give me a fucking quarter to call anyone, and I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR OVER THREE HOURS. Pl-please come pick me u-u-up!

Him: Wow... so you really rode that damn Honda Civic until the wheels fell off, huh?

You: BABE!

Him: Right. My bad. On my way.

Kaminari

[You take a nap one afternoon after spending an entire morning with him, but he is still dying for your attention]

Him: *jumps on the bed and shakes you* Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! It’s not time for sleep! It’s time for up!

You: Like... the movie…?

Him: Not Like th- Ughhh! What do you need to sleep for?? You just slept last night!

[You don’t answer him, so he pushes his cheek against yours and begs for you to wake up again]

You: *pushes his face away from yours* Go. Away.

Him: That’s crazy. Hmph. All I ever give you is my undying love and affection and all you ever give me is sleep.

You: (see picture above)

Izuku/Kirishima/Mirio

[you, who is afraid of heights, gets talked into going to a drop tower in the amusement park by your mans]

Him: I am telling you, you are gonna love it! You just have to conquer your fears! You’ll have a good time, I swear!

[you get on the ride, cry like a bitch when you’re at the top. This is what happens after you get off:]

Him: *awkwardly clears throat* …so… did you like it…?

You: *glares*

Him: Well, at least your tears all blew away when the tower dropped, so its kinda like you never cried at all… heh...heh…

You: *glares x2*

Him: Babe, I am so sorry.

Todoroki/Sero

[You hear his voice when you wake up and are really confused because you are normally the one to wake up first. Your face is still buried in the blankets so you cant see him]

Him: Good morning, sweetheart! Did you sleep okay, beautiful? I got you breakfast!

You: *surprised* What? Aww really?!

[You get up and notice that he wasn’t talking to you, but instead his Bearded Dragon, Rodger]

Him: *with a meal worm in his hand* Oh.. I.. uh wasn’t talking to you… *eyes flash from worm back to you* unless--

You: No. *throws face back in blankets*

Kaminari/*blegggg*M-Mineta...

[Drunk texting each other on a really late Saturday night]

You: Heyyyy

You: Let’s get together. Wanna do something kinkayyy?!

Him: Yeah

Him: Let me piss in your mouth

Him: and crack all your toes

Him: and stretch your hamstrings

[a half hour later]

Him: Why

Him: Why did you block me

Tetsutetsu/Kirishima

[proudly showing you around his first apartment]

Him: and this is my ice tray!

You: huh... okay…?

Him: I don’t have an ice dispniser so I have to make my own! I kinda like it actually, it makes me feel like a man!

Him: Is this... what being a real adult feels like?

Izuku/Tamaki/Monoma

[You walk in on him laughing so hard that tears are falling out of his eyes. He is alone in his bedroom.]

You: Uhh... babe? Y-you okay?

Him: *the tears fall harder* No! Hahaha

You: what? What the hell is wrong?!

Him: I am $30,000 in debt from student loans! Hahahaaa *laughing turns into heavy sobs*

[he is literally a junior in college… why is this just now hitting him?]

You: *pats his back anyway* There, there…

You: *in thought:* ‘what the fuck’

Bakugou

[you are at your laptop about to post this exact blog on tumblr]

You: Hey I am tryna remember funny shit that you have said to me. Got any ideas?

Him: I don’t fucking know. It’s my job to say it and your job to remember.

You: I guess being a jerk must be a part time thing then, huh?

#bnha #mha #bnha imagines #bnha imagine #mha imagines #mha imgine #bnha x reader #mha x reader #mha memes #my hero academia #bnha memes #bnha meme #mha meme #bakugou imagine #bakugou x reader #izuku imagines #izuku x reader #deku x reader #midoriya x reader #kirishima x reader #kirishima imagine #mha incorrect quotes #bnha incorrect quotes #kaminari x reader #kaminari imagine

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 90

[Date: 17/03, 02.33 PM GMT - 17/03, 03.53 PM GMT]

[This conversation was going on in #arg, partly simultaneously to another in #general. The second is referenced later and was posted separately before this one.]  

[Direct continuation of pt 89]

[After Void pointed out the gdoc change, Fetch added another message:]

[Added was: “Please don’t tell them please don’t tell them please just pretend you never saw this just please.”]

Void: “nvm may be just my bad internet fucking things up ignore me”

Jack the Observer: “Oh. I see it.

Little sunflower seeds in green and yellow :)”

[Maxwell: “Where do you see that?”]

Jack the Observer: “Ask fetch, I think. He’s the one who edits the blog”

Jack the Observer: “But it’s there, if you look.”

Maxwell: “Fetch....”

fetch: “It isn't though?? I'm looking at the doc right now and there's nothing about sunflower seeds”

Jack the Observer: “I can send pictures, fetch.

If you would prefer?”

Maxwell: “i cant find anything”

fetch: “jack. after yesterday do you really wanna push me.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah, i kind of do, actually

I could

I feel like it’s important and relevant information”

Void: “fetch knows best about what is there just ignore what i said,,,,”

fetch: “yeah. let's just ignore it.”

Maxwell: “but you all said...seeds”

donti (e): “... fetch please, this is serious.. it could endanger everyone here”

Jack the Observer: “Sunflower seeds :) leaves in yellow and green. You think if i won’t let Max hide it, I’ll let you, Fetch?”

fetch: “jack. drop it. right fucking now with that stupid fucking smile.”

Jack the Observer: “You are, in fact, just as important as Max is.

Unfortunately.

And it’s imperative that we keep all of you safe.”

Maxwell: “that...is one of the nicest things ive heard you say to us....”

fetch: “i know the doc better than anyone. i know what's there and whats not. if I say there's nothing there then there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “You put it there, Fetch.”

fetch: “there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “ Uh huh. /s”

jaynoblade: “he's right. there's nothing there. i just looked”

fetch: “im not ignoring anything there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “Jay, what the fuck”

jaynoblade: “genuinely. i just looked. nothing”

donti (e): “hey hey hHEYyyyy chill”

Jack the Observer: “Is it gone — wait”

fetch: “check for yourself, jack”

[Context: Fetch deleted his edits about the seeds.]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, no i still have it”

fetch: “as i said. there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “I still have it. And i have more pictures if you want to see them.”

donti (e): “... seeds?”

Maxwell: “thats just an image of a previous thing?”

fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”

[donti (e): “... seeds?”]

Jack the Observer: “I’m trying to have Fetch tell you first.”

kateza: “Hi good morning what’s going on?”

Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”

[fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”]

Jack the Observer: “Fetch. You know I don’t lie.”

[Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”]

Jack the Observer: “Haha :)”

fetch: “but you sure as hell spout a lot of bullshit.

now for the last time. There's nothing. there. Fucking drop it.

please.”

Jack the Observer: “And now instead of knight you sound like Max

Crazy”

Maxwell: “what?”

Jack the Observer: ““Oh no, i don’t want to tell them, please i just want to suffer by myself and not accept any help even though I clearly need it, no everyone else is busy, everyone else is stressed, they can’t know please don’t tell them”

That’s what you sound like

And that’s what Fetch sounds like too”

fetch: “you better watch your fuckin mouth, pal.”

Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”

Maxwell: “....”

[Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”]

Jack the Observer: “I’m not angry, I’m amused. And I’ll admit, slightly frustrated. What is up with these people and their self esteem issues.”

fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”

Maxwell: “.....fuck off”

Jack the Observer: “If you don’t tell them within the hour ill see you in #img”

[fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, so you don’t exist when Knight is out? Shut the fuck up”

Maxwell: “i....”

Jack the Observer: “I’m glad you’re not all acting so goody goody and nice talking me anymore. This is refreshing.”

[People tell Jack and Fetch to stop arguing with each other. That just solved nothing and there’s no time to waste]

fetch: “i don't have the energy to fight anymore. there's nothing in the doc, whatever you have is edited bullshit, end of story.”

Jack the Observer: “Okay, we’re just going to ignore someone purposefully endangering their own health then. Sounds good to me /s”

[kateza: “I just woke up, I’m assuming something supposedly happened with the doc, I’m assuming the edit history was checked can we please stop fighting I don’t like this”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something important. I’m being forced to keep imperative information to myself. You can see why I might take issue with this.”

fetch: “i thought you loved keeping information to yourself. that's what an observer does right. he just takes in information and does nothing with it. he doesn't get involved.”

Jack the Observer: “This is different.”

fetch: “of course it is.

just drop it.”

donti (e): “ah.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah it fucking is different, Fetch. We fucking need you on this team. We’re meant to just ignore when you’re hurting? We’re meant to ignore when you’re endangering yourself?”

fetch: “i said. drop it.”

Jack the Observer: “Holy fucking shit not everything is about Syd”

Jack the Observer: “Maybe this is just about you”

fetch: “well maybe I don't want to be paid attention to. i'm not a fucking zoo exhibit. just leave me the fuck alone.”

Jack the Observer: “I don’t know how many times? I have to say this? But if I saw you as nothing more than a “zoo exhibit” i literally wouldn’t care about this at all”

Void: “fetch, people will learn one way or another. please at least take the chance to tell them yourself?”

Jack the Observer: “Clock is ticking”

fetch: “there's nothing to tell. im fucking fine.”

Jack the Observer: “There you go, sounding like Max again”

kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”

Jack the Observer: ““I’m fine I’m fine” you’re clearly not.”

[kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something. Fetch isn’t letting me tell anyone.”

fetch: “well MAYBE I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP.”

donti (e): “HEEEEY HEY

jacks doing what he can”

fetch: “YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU CANT FUCKING HELP ME.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

fetch: “QUIT TRYING.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Jack the Observer: “...

...

that was a bit too loud for me, actually. Ill be in #img in fifty minutes.”

Jack the Observer: “good luck.”

fetch: “fine. i need a nap anyway.”

Maxwell: “......”

[People talk about how important it is to share information, especially with how the situation currently is, and that they’d have to work together if they were ever going to resolve anything about this problem. They then note that if this in-fighting continues, more and more people might be dragged into Crown’s court. But then…]

jaynoblade: “okay, this is somewhat off topic, but.... do we even really know who crown is? because we thought he was ranboo in enderwalk, but then in that one ask he implied that he isn’t”

Maxwell: “hes something else then....”

Maxwell: “uh small problem”

donti (e): “prince read the backlog.”

[This refers to the conversation that had been simultaneously going on in #general2.]

A random Spark: “I know...which means Prince probably now knows the deal with the three court members and why they're gone”

kateza: “which means we'll be having another mind wipe probably :/”

LLyr: “D:”

Maxwell: “OH NO OH NO OH NO”

Maxwell: “i...”

donti (e): “if we had explained it fae would be wiped and then we'd be in trouble.”

Maxwell: “can we tell faem? fae already know....”

Maxwell: “he only brought up me and fetch....should we tell him about marcus?”

donti (e): “... maybe?”

A random Spark: “It's a good idea to.”

LLyr: “if the dam has already broken, i dont see a reason to keep it hidden. maybe ask marcus what he thinks about it?”

Maxwell: “i wanna say his name...”

donti (e): “you already namedropped him,

go for it

he might as well get the facts.”

kateza: “i don't like this

i don't like where this is going”

Maxwell: “jack what did you put in images”

Jack the Observer: “What i promised i would.”

donti (e): “fetches entry.”

Maxwell: “hes..oh god”

Maxwell: “i messed up i messed up i messed up--”

kateza: “no no no

you tried to help max. you did what you thought was right and even if it didn't have the outcome you want you tried to do what was right and that's good of you”

Maxwell: “i made it worse no no no no”

Jack the Observer: “You calm down too.

Panicking isn’t going to help prince.

It’s fine. Let faem remember.”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:fetch #if the crown fits

[itspetitfantomestuff]

Hey, have you been writing lately? Want to share a snippet? :o (Sending random asks to writing blogs)

Yesss i have! You are lucky that my recent writing was in my notes haha, is a one shot and is funny and cute so Im gonna post it full😉 also sorry for any mistakes, i rushed with this one 'cause it was for the Jimari discord.

In which Chat, Ladybug and The Trollhunter are bored during patrol and Ladybug suggest they have a girls night.

(Also, just fyi i headcanon that LB and Chat call Jim T.H 'cause they feel like "Trollhunter" sounds too stiff and they cant know each other identities so)

-

Paris was unusually quiet tonight, but the three heroes choose to dont mind about it and just enjoy the cold breeze of the summer night while they could.

-Dont get me wrong, not doing patrol and just enjoying ourselves tonight is awesome and all - stated Chat as he turned around and looked at his friends- but can we like, do something just for fun tonight?

-You wanna play hide and seek again and chase each other through all Paris? -asked Ladybug as she was laying in her back and looked at her cat friend with an eyebrow raised.

-Hell no. That one isnt fair, you guys dont have a freaking metal armor that weighs a ton, and besides i cant jump from building to building, remember last time it happened?

The Trollhunter reminded his friends about that time in which he almost broke a leg and his two friends flinched at the memory.

-Yeah, no... You are right. No hide and seek tonight.

Ladybug sit straight as all of them thought about something fun to do tonight. Something that didnt involved getting hurt.

-I got it! -shouted Chat- lets have a guys night!

-Guys night? -questioned the heroine- you forgot Im not a guy again, dont you?

The Trollhunter laughed at the thought of Chat mistaking Paris prettiest heroine for a guy and the cat blushed and looked away.

-In all fairness i think is better if we have a girls night.

Ladybug stood and shrugged as she put her hands in her waist. The two boys looked at her intrigued.

-... Girls night?

-Its way more fun than "guys night" and besides, my best friend hasnt been in Paris for like a month, I miss girl's nights and I dont have much girl friends to ask for one.

The two heroes looked at each other doubting the fact that the mighty Ladybug didnt had much friends, they once had made a bet about LB's private life. Chat bet she was a heartbreaker and Jim bet she was her school's most popular cheerleader.

Turns out both were wrong after all.

-C'mooooon, face masks are really refreshing. Who doesnt want to beat Hawkmoth's ass with a clear and beautiful skin? -Jim laughed at the thought of breaking into Hawkmoth's lair with glowing skin.

-Okay yeah, you got me there. Im in.

-Hell yeah me too, I wanna beat some akuma ass looking fresh af. -stated Chat as he jumped excitedly.

Ladybug laughed at the two of them being so excited over getting a face mask. She wrote a list of things they needed for the night and told them to meet her in the exact same spot in an hour after each one of them collected what they needed.

An hour an a half later the 3 heroes were sitting in a picnic blanket that Ladybug brought, laughing a lot as Ladybug put some face masks in them, hushed them and told them to stay still.

-Oh my god Chat stay still or Im going to end up putting avocado in your eyes.

-Im sorry is just... T.H looks so funny with cucumber slices in his eyes... - Chat started laughing his ass off as his friend started searching blindly for his blade, not being able to see anything thanks to the cucumber slices.

-Chat if you keep making fun of me Im gonna slice your fake tail.

The Trollhunter tried to sound mad but in fact he had a huge smile in his face, even if he looked ridiculous right now, he loved spending time with his friends.

-Are we also gonna get our nails done?

Ladybug sighed exasperadetly at the cat's dumb question.

-Chat look at your human nails.

He looked at his gloved hand.

-I cant, Im wearing a suit.

-EXACTLY.

T.H started to laugh uncontrollably at his friend's dumbness which made the cucumber slices fall from his eyes.

The view of the mighty Trollhunter with two holes in the middle of his face full of avocado mask made Chat start laughing to the point of falling to his back, tears coming down his green eyes because he couldnt stop cointaining himself.

Ladybug was in the middle of both, watching Chat and then T.H back and forth.

-Oh my god Im never doing girls night with you two again in my life. If i had known this was going to happen i would have searched for Mayura and ask her if i could make her an avocado face mask.

The two guys stopped laughing, looked at LB and then looked at each other. They broke in giggles and hysterical laugh again and this time Ladybug couldnt fake being mad any longer. She wasnt able to contain her laugh any longer and broke, joining them in the floor, all of them trying to catch their breath.

However their laughs were suddenly interrupted when screams started to be heard in the distance. The three heroes stopped, looked at each other. They knew what does screams meant.

-We have to go.

Ladybug took her yoyo as she stood up and started running to the border of the building.

-Wait! how do we get the avocado off our faces?

Ladybug looked at Chat and then at the Trollhunter, they looked worried so she gave them a reassuring smile. She was lucky their jokes didnt gave her time to put on an avocado mask herself.

-I didnt brought any cleaning towels with me, so it looks like you two will be beating some akuma ass looking fresh af after all.

She winked at the both dumbfounded heroes and then took off.

#miraculous ladybug #trollhunters #Crossover #Ladybug #Chat Noir #Jim Lake Jr #My writing #Also sorry to mobile users that this is too long but i dont know how to put text under the cut in mobile :(

[gtseven7]

My Seven Idols

this is the picture mentioned in the story

Summary:

Got7 as highschoolers as they deal with graduation and college at the same time starting up their own Youtube channel as idols. 

A/N:

So this is chapter 1. Really, I wasnt supposed to write this thing but it has been bugging me for months and I just cant shake it off okay? I tried resisting thinking, dude you're on your way to the juicy parts of Seven Princes. But whelp I lost a battle within myself and wrote this anyway. I hope you guys like it!

masterlist

//prev

1

The click-clacking of the keyboard echoed in the room as Y/N furiously typed the remaining subtitle of the video she had been editing the last few nights. Hitting the export button, the brunette could finally exhale and relax. The beach aesthetic video she had been working on was now in the process of being complete. She just has to wait till it loads to a hundred and her hard work will pay off. Smiling to herself, she minimized the editing software and opened up her InstaBook. She scrolled leisurely, seeing the pictures of her peers and some from her photographer idols. Y/N was examining an aesthetic cityscape picture from one of her favorite photo blogs, Def, when her notification alerted her of a great news. Ding! And the words that popped up from the right corner of her screen made her screech. As it was almost midnight, she had to restrain herself and not wake her parents. But she can’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth. She quickly clicked the pop up. It said: pjy_01 updated his profile picture. When the picture loaded, Y/N's jaw almost unhinged. Park Jinyoung a.k.a. Mr. Student Council President rarely posts a picture of himself. His feed was usually just books, food and random sceneries. He did have few self-taken pictures and Y/N was happy with it (some of them are really just bad quality but she’ll take it) but this one? This one’s just beautiful, amazing, gift from the heavens. He was sitting on a comfy white couch, staring directly at the camera with puppy eyes. His white button up was slightly unbuttoned(!!) as he wore an innocent face and a cute peace sign as a cherry on top. Y/N was just about to scream and jump around. But before that, she made sure to save the picture in her Jinyoung Stash folder. “Woah. What is this Jinyoung? You should always post things like this. I’ll be a happy woman.” She sighed dreamily, staring at her screen but missed the notification of her software that finished exporting her video. 

Y/N was rudely interrupted when her phone suddenly rang. Not even looking at the caller id, she answered the call with an annoyed tone. “What?” No one would be phoning her at this time other than her best friend. “Yo chill out Y/N.” Youngjae laughed at the other end, knowing he most likely disturbed her from her hobby. Which isn’t entirely false, he just didn’t know that the hobby at the moment was staring at their president and not videography. ”It’s midnight Youngjae, what do you need?” She elicited another hearty laugh from the guy. Any other circumstance, she’ll laugh along since his laugh is contagious but this time was not it. “Well?”

“Geez, aren’t you such a joy tonight. I’m just gonna ask if you already finished the essay homework due tomorrow.” 

Blank silence. It was then that Y/N laughed at the ridiculing situation. Homework? Was there ever one? And she voiced it out, still half cheerful and half threatening. Youngjae might be pranking her once again. “The essay homework Mr. Kwon asked us to do. The one about Romeo and Juliet. Don’t tell me you don’t remember?” Youngjae chuckled a little too, thinking that his friend was making fun of him. When the only sound he heard was the bark of his cute dog Coco beside him, Youngjae started to sweat. “You haven’t done a single thing didn’t you?!”

“I think I’m gonna puke. Youngjae-ahh~ What do I do?!” 

Y/N's eyes bugged out, realizing that yes, there is indeed an essay due tomorrow. And it is for Mr. Kwon’s subject, her most feared teacher. Oh how that teacher terrifies her whole being. How could she be so stupid?! “Youngjae!!! What do I do? What do I do?!” Panic was starting to rise from her gut, her heart beating too fast that even midnight coffee can’t do. Add the obvious panic in her bestfriend’s voice on the other end, it made things worse for her. “I don’t know! Uh… I can lend you mine? Just modify some parts. Paraphrase things…”  

“Oh my God Youngjae I love you. You’re the best!!” 

“You owe me one Y/N.” 

“I do, I do. Thanks so much.” 

They bid goodnight to each other, Youngjae promising to pick her up from her house so she won’t be late; she once again praised his goodness before hanging up. And as promised, he sent her his homework, Jinyoung’s picture on her screen forgotten. Y/N once again typed relentlessly through the night. 

“I bet Jinyoung never had a problem like this. Y/N you must do better!”

That motivation fueled her to write the essay about Romeo and Juliet even if she didn’t understand what it was about aside from it being a romance story. Little did the sophomore videographer know, her high pedestaled president sat on his chair under the dim light of his study desk at the same time as her. He was hunched in concentration on the essay he stalled on doing days before it was to be submitted. 

No words flowed, his pen stuck mid-air. “Argh. What the heck is this shit about anyway?” Jinyoung huffed as he crumpled his nth paper and tossed it in the bin beside him. His brain was not cooperating with him that night and it’s just frustrating. Why does he have to explain why the economy of their country is not thriving as it used to? It’s just plain bullshit to be honest. He had mountains of council work the past few days and he wasn’t able to attend few classes including the class he was supposed to write this essay for. This is why he hates skipping, when things like this essay arrive, he doesn’t know what to do. He didn’t have time to read up everything that’s why he just went straight to bluffing his way out of the conclusion of the paper. The distracting noise of the instrument app on Jaebeom’s phone didn’t help him much either. “You have your own room, your own bed. Why are you always here?” His housemate just shrugged and continued his melody making. It was sounding good to be honest, not that his friend ever made a bad song but the other’s process was just making the writing too difficult for him. “How can I even finish when you distract me like this?”

“One, Jinyoung, it was your fault for not doing it earlier. Two, you are not distracted by my music. You just don’t want to do that stupid paper.” 

And it hit him too well. He’s right. Most times, Jaebeom’s music calms him but this time his brain just straight up refuses to do a thing. His long haired companion exited the app after saving his work. Jaebeom laid down on Jinyoung’s bed. He patted the space beside him, encouraging the other to lie down with him and sleep. “Don’t push yourself too hard. Get some sleep first, you’ve had a harsh week.” 

“Get out of my bed.”

“Hmm…”

And with that, Jaebeom closed his eyes to sleep. He’s not a fast sleeper per se, he’s just waiting for Jinyoung to join him but he didn’t. He opened his eyes just a slit saw the student body president scribbling again with a determined face. 

Few hours after, it was almost three in the morning. Jinyoung has to get up at six to prepare for their eight o’clock class. He doesn’t like not sleeping properly but for the sake of that damned paper, he had to sacrifice. He sighed once again and turned off the lamp. Looking to his right, he saw his friend sleeping peacefully, facing him from the farther half of the bed. Jinyoung shook his head in exasperation. He sat on the unoccupied side and stared at his friend of ten years. His face lax and serene. The nose ring glints under the soft glow of the stars from the window. Jinyoung’s hand inched towards the other’s face, stopping midway. He clenched his fist and brought it back to himself. ‘Ah, I really wanna remove that nose ring so badly.’

Morning came and the sunlight was harsh on Y/N’s face. She finished her essay in time, luckily. She trudged along the hallways of their small house, the only thing that woke her up completely was the smell of fresh bacon being cooked. She quickly ate her breakfast, showered and said goodbye to her parents with a tired smile. The sound of the bell announced the arrival of Youngjae by their door. She opened it and her friend almost screamed bloody murder. “I thought a zombie came out to eat me.” 

“Shut up.”

Youngjae laughed and slung an arm on her shoulders. He ruffled her already messy hair further. “Did you finish the write up?” She gave a gloomy thumb’s up while yawning, earning a giggle from the boy. “Ah seriously, you should take care of your studies more Y/N.” 

“Says you. You were up all night long playing. I can see it on the bags under your eyes.”

“At least I finished my work before doing so, unlike someone I know…”

Y/N clicked her tongue in disapproval but she knows he’s right though. “I got carried away with the good shots I had when me and Yeji went to the beach last week. Aah, I made such a good video last night.” Youngjae smiled at her friend as he watched her walk half asleep. 

Y/N and Youngjae were friends since they were toddlers. With their mothers practically sisters because of their closeness, and their houses are just one backyard away from each other, the two developed a close friendship. Oftentimes they’d be hanging out in their places, playing video games or reading comics. Although when they started to grow up more, they drifted away slightly, having different circles of friends. That didn’t bother the two of them though. They thought that it’s better to have their friendship outside school so that they won’t get sick seeing each other’s faces all the time. With this, they rarely go to school together anymore. Their classmates are in the dark about their closeness as well.  

Youngjae pulled out his phone and scrolled his pictures. He suddenly got excited about showing his bestfriend about his dog’s new outfit he bought recently. “Y/N, Y/N, look at Coco. I bought a new shirt. It’s so cute.” He practically shoved the phone on her eyes but it didn’t matter much to her as she was as excited as him. They practically raised that cute dog together. “Omo! Coco’s so adorable!” They were both bouncing on their steps as they look at the dog’s pictures posing differently with each new clothing. The two of them were cooing. “Ah, Coco is such a joy.” 

"Y/N!” 

They both stopped on their tracks when they heard a familiar voice. It was Yeji, Y/Ns other bestfriend outside Youngjae (he’s still the bestest but Yeji doesn’t know that). She happily waved at her two classmates, a teasing smile forming on her face already. ‘Youngjae and Y/N walking together eh? How interesting!’

Yeji’s appearance was their cue to head apart so Y/N smiled at Youngjae and said goodbye. “See ya later in class!” He just hummed in agreement, seeing as his peers are also in sight. He waved at Yeji and parted with Y/N He walked towards his other friends and greeted them. 

"So Youngjae huh?”

“What about him?”

“Nothing…” Which wasn’t true because now she is sporting a silly smile on her face. Probably imagining things outside of this world and conjuring up different ways how her friend and Youngjae fall in love. Yeji is a fangirl at heart and she just ships everybody. She never imposes it to everyone though, she’s just happy to think about it and keep it to herself. Amazingly enough though, the people she secretly shipped usually ends up together at some point. But Y/N knows her too well and she knows the outlandish things going in her mind right now. “We just happened to meet along the way Yeji.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

The school entrance as it always is, was full of commotion. More so today than usual. Y/N saw a hoard of students lining up the gate with annoyed expressions. ‘Ah, it’s probably President Jinyoung.’ She giggled to herself, happy to see him early in the morning. She’s still a little bit over the moon with his latest picture. “Do I look okay?”, that question snapped Y/N out of her daydream (the picture still lingering at the back of her mind). Yeji took out a small mirror and checked herself out. She combed her hair with her fingers, checked her uniform, straightened everything that doesn’t look ironed out. “You know he just nags at those who violate badly. We’ll never get reprimanded.” Yeji breathed deeply as she puts her mirror back to her bag. “I’m just making sure you know. I don’t want those cold eyes stare at me. It’s scary.” Y/N wanted to protest, ‘Jinyoung’s not scary! It’s a part of his charm!’ but a whine stopped her from doing so. While they were talking, they have pushed inside the crowd to get in and not be late for class. They reached the front where Jinyoung was standing sternly, his mouth thinned in disapproval. “Bhuwakul. How many times do I have to confiscate that earrings of yours?!”

“Why are you so keen on getting these anyway? Would I do better in my tests if I don’t wear them?” The boy, with his id lace yellow (which means he’s a *freshie), was so close to stomping his feet. But Jinyoung was not fazed and just stared at the boy with a piercing stare. “If you wear them, would you do better? No right? So hand them to me. You violated the school dress code. Come get it at my office after school.” 

The people around them were murmuring, Y/N even caught what the others are saying. They think that Jinyoung was being unreasonable and harsh for no reason. ‘Which isn’t true! He just cares about what the students of this school looks like.'  The sophomore turned to glare at the onlookers that defamed their president. ‘Ungrateful fools.’ But she was startled when the tall boy (oh my he’s tall) beside the one named Bhuwakul spoke innocently. “Let him be, he probably just wants to wear your earrings.” Even Yuna, the student council secretary, was shocked at the carefree manner of his dialogue. The president just raised his right eyebrow, “Kim Yugyeom, button up your uniform and tie your necktie properly.” and reprimanded the other freshie without hesitation. Yugyeom grimaced a bit but did what he was told. ‘You should be the one buttoning your clothes last night President huhu’

Despite the commotion at the front gate (which happens almost everyday as Jinyoung loves to greet the student body with “Rule # 5 under the clause of the dress code law….), Y/N and the students of their campus managed to get to their class safely. When they entered their homeroom, Y/N and Yeji was greeted by Ga Young, another friend of theirs. It seemed that she had only arrived a few minutes before them. “Yo! Entrance was pretty hectic today.” 

Yeji made a face and flipped her brow wavy hair away from her face as if she was hassled on their way over. “Ugh, don’t tell us. We had to push our way out earlier.” They both giggled and chattered mindlessly about the events that morning. 

“Don’t you think the foreigner freshie earlier was kind of cute?” Ga Young said dreamily, looking at the ceiling as if he could see his face there. “Oh, that one with the earrings?”

“Yep. We’re blessed with another foreigner beauty.” That’s true, the videographer thought. He’d look good on camera. 

“Yeon Seo isn’t a foreigner.” Y/N countered, debating that her friend’s crush wasn’t exactly from another country. He grew up in their city just like everyone else is. 

“He’s a half-half though.” 

“The tall freshie had a face too.” 

Yeji and Ga Young started to talk about the new eye candy they found. Those two are fans of idols, especially the amateur ones they have in their school. Y/N absentmindedly listened to the two’s gossip. Sometimes she thinks she’s in a webtoon or something. These kinds of things exist on books and comics even dramas that she consumes. Y/N still can’t believe such things are in her reality. Aren’t groups of popular boys with a cheesy group name only in fiction? She wondered if it’s possible that this is not a real world. 

“But you know, I heard rumors that Bhuwakul's gay.” 

That piqued Y/N's interest. Not that there’s any problem with being gay, the rumor just caught her interest. Not many people are brave enough to admit their sexuality in their community so it was pretty interesting. 

“Eh? Who told you?”

“My freshie cousin told me. He said that he’s close with girls and gives fashion advice. He’s on the softer side as well.”

Huh… Y/N thought it was a baseless rumor after all. “That doesn’t mean he’s gay though.”

“That’s true.”

When the talk about the foreign freshie Bhuwakul ended, the other two started to talk about their favorite topic once again. The Five Roses. Y/N was just done with that subject and had heard enough to last her a lifetime. She couldn’t even understand why the girls in their school seemed to be under their spell. In Y/N’s opinion, they aren’t that good looking. Heck, even Mr. Cold Eyes Jinyoung was much more handsome. ‘Especially if they saw last night’s picture. How come they don’t talk about it?!’ 

“Ji Woo looked handsome today too!” 

‘Oh come on, even Youngjae looks better than that guy.’ At the thought of her bestfriend, she turned to glance at him. He seemed to have caught her and gave him those warm sunny smiles that made her heart beat a bit faster. Even if she doesn’t consider her childhood friend as a man, she’s sure that he’s a good looking guy. 

//next

#got7 #got7 fanfic #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #jackson wang #park jinyoung #kim yugyeom #mark tuan #bambam #choi youngjae #im jaeboem #got7 fic #my seven idols

[dwintu]

thanks for the tag @not-so-silent-back-up :))

🍓 what do you prefer to be called name wise?

the one closest to my name that i like is geo, but i have a few names for internet use too if i dont want to use my name

🍓 when is your birthday?

30th july :))

🍓 where do you live?

in the uk,, england specifically

🍓 Three things you are doing right now?

thinking about if my leg muscles are ever going to recover from working put yesterday and doing an hour jumping lesson at the stables today,,, telling my dad how good jack (the horse) was in our lesson today, and trying to figure out the pattern for a hat im knitting

🍓 four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

im just gonna list kpop fandoms bro,, im sorry,,

nctzens,,, atinys,,, stays,, and midzys soon when itzy release not shy

oh haikyuu too, because i rewatched it recently,, although i guess im not really all that interested in the fandom,, just the show

🍓 how is the pandemic treating you?

not too badly i guess, i dont mind being home a lot,, i just worry about my grandparents and i miss my friends

🍓 song you can’t stop listening right now?

to the beat - ateez

but tbh the entire album slaps

🍓 recommend a movie.

i watched crimson peak recently, which was pretty good!!!

🍓 how old are you?

16,, probably younger than my moots thought i was

🍓 school, university, occupation, other?

im starting college soon,, but uk college so its like the last 2 years of american high school i guess

🍓 do you prefer hot or cold?

cold cold cold cold cold cold cold

🍓 name one fact others may not know about you.

hm idk, i feel like i overshare quite a lot on tumblr but,,, i like at cooking but im terrified of it because my mum always tells me im too slow or not doing it right and gets annoyed at me

🍓 are you shy?

if i dont know you, i will not speak to you unless you speak to me first. with friends im super loud and annoying but in public and stuff i cant even order food

🍓 what are your pronouns?

she/her

🍓 any pet peeves?

spicy straights, people cutting in line, hearing people eating (its sO nasty)

🍓 what’s your favorite “dere” type?

okay so i thINK i know what this means, but i cant name any of them and i dont know whay each of them is so,, pass

🍓 rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

eh,, like a 5 or 6

im pretty worried about exam results seeing as the government messed up a-levels pretty badly

🍓 what’s your main blog?

this one,, @dwintu

🍓 list your side blogs and what they are used for.

@i-wish-i-was-at-eez kinda wish this was my main tbh,,, but i use this for kpop stuff

@u-k-i-y-o studyblr/dark academia thingy, i like this blog a lot but dont post much original content because my cameras broken

is it bad if my main is my least favourite??? jsjsjs

🍓 is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

hm i dont think so, but ill probably send you random stuff a lot

tagging @aesthetics-r-fun @noonemournsthewicked @zanderbobs you dont have to do this, just if u want

#tag game #please dont steal my identity

[99centthoughts]

i keep reading 'orion' as 'onion' so thats. who they are to me now

ONION……………………….. now im picturing orion as onion from steven universe and i am very stressed out by the thought

MORE ASKS UNDER THE CUT!!! (a lot of asks im sorry)

1) D..DONT DIE YET ANON……….. SOON!!! I have a break coming up and i wanna do more comics stuff 😭

2) LOL omg IM SORRY !!!! I Messed up the layout a couple of times while editing it so it must have been weird 😨

1) Hiya! Honestly I think it would be best to get comfortable with more realistic proportions before you branch out into cartoon/anime style! I did it the other way round and I regret it a lot, bc I think it made my foundations really shaky and inconsistent. THAT’S NOT TO SAY u have to master the traditional art style before u start drawing any cartoons though!! I think it’s fine to do them together, just don’t neglect traditional anatomy and all that, bc it will help you a lot in the future regardless of the style you eventually choose to stick to!

2) LKMKLDS ANON STOP NOW IM GOING TO THINK OF THE STORE WHENEVER I THINK OF JC ………… he would be Mr penney???? MR..PENNEY..

thank YOU for enjoying my drawings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhh thank you so much for such a sweet message oh gosh ANON YOU’RE MAKING MY HEART GROW 3 SIZES!!! Messages like this make me want to share everything with everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M HONESTLY SO HAPPY that my silly little tips and stuff can make drawing fun for you BC THERE IS NOTHING BETTER THAN HAVING FUN WHILE DRAWING!!! MAY YOU INSPIRE LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE and most importantly I hope you always find joy in your own art!!!! THIS MESSAGE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND YOU DO TOO ILU ANON!!! IM GONNA KEEP THIS FOREVER

1) A NERD AND A PUNK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) omg I have thought about basically every combination o f my ocs at least once anon lKMDLskdlj they would be cute!!!!!!! and a very calm couple… I feel like emmett would be patient enough to handle fay though it would take a lot to get there bc rn emmett is low key terrified of fay LOL 

1) IM NOT SURE U WOULD WANT TO MARRY THEM ¾ OF THEM ARE A MESS!!!!!!!

2) OH I googled around a bit bc tbh I have no idea what they are called too, and I think it’s called the terminator/ half tone?? it’s basically the bit of colour between the light and the core shadow (the darkest part of where the shadow starts) 

THe coloured outline of shadows that alot of artists do is an exaggeration of how it looks in rl but it is pretty neat bc it makes the object look like it’s glowing haha 

1) AW THANK YOU ANON!!!!!!!!! it’s so sweet that you’ve stuck around for so long and that you take the time to do that!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE I’LL KEEP DRAWING AND MAKING ART THAT YOU ENJOY FOR YEARS TO COME!!!! 

2) OH no that plant is a random plant that I made up hahhaaa 

1) HELLO AGAIN AND thank you ahhh it means a lot to me that you take the time to interpret and think about my art in such a thoughtful manner😭😭😭 It’s really sweet and it makes me look at my art in a different way? I was thinking that the redrawn version seems more stiff and I wasn’t sure if I liked them more than the old ones, but after seeing this message I was like ohhh that is true I did try different things with the new versions and that is something I should appreciate and be proud of !! so thank YOU for the lovely words, it is my absolute pleasure to share my art with u!! 

2) HE IS YOURS PLEASE TAKE CARE OF THIS WHIRLWIND

1) I like using poses from magazines to study anatomy!! I either follow blogs that post magazine scans or I buy them myself when i can! Another thing I’ve found rly helpful was using fitness books/ videos as references… like those for muscle-building/ weight lifters, where there are diagrams of which muscles are working for a specific exercise. YOUTUBE has a lot of fitness videos, just type xxx workout, pause the video at any random frame, and u should be able to get a nice reference to study muscles with!! If u want references for the muscles themselves, some good books I’ve found helpful are: Strength training Anatomy and Anatomy for sculptors (I can give them to you off anon if you’d like)!

2) I HOPE YOU ARE enjoying the brushes !!! NO WORRIES AT ALL I’m happy to share my brushes with anyone who might want to try using htem!! SENDS YOU ALL OF MY LOVE BACK I HOPE YOU ARE ALWAYS HAPPY AND INSPIRED ❤❤

1) omg this is so hard bc there are 213213 options and I could picture them as more than 1 type of fantasy creature tbh ……… BUT FIRST ONES THAT COME TO MIND WOULD BE : some kind faerie for fay haha, werewolf for tyler, centaur for emmett, vampire for jc, some kinda elemental spirit for cyrus, an orc for wade, and UHH some kind of wise gate guarding creature for parisi LOL 

ILY TOO AND thank YOU for loving my silly boys!!!!!!!!! 

2) AHHHH thank u anon I WISH YOU ALL tHE BEST AND I HOPE YOU KEEP DRAWING AS WELL ALWAYS 💞💞💞💞

1) OR PERHAPS PARISI IS JUST ENORMOUS but also yes it’s true baby tyler is a tiny baby bean

2) LSKMDLKSM HOW CAN I NOT SAY I LOVE YOU BACK TO YOU THE SWEETEST ANON OF ALL TIME 💖💖💖💖💖

1) omg anon this is a lie I am terrible at drawing anything symmetrically and if I somehow produced anything to make u think so, it’s probably because I spent 10 hours on getting it to look ok LOL I.. TRY TO USE GUIDELINES and flip my canvas to check that things are balanced… that helps me out a lot :’D 

2) thank u anon for this ask it is beautiful and I will frame it and keep it in my room to encourage myself to start drawing batfam art again 

1) HEY ANON and thank u! I have a list of resources that I’ve found helpful here (at the bottom of the page) !! I hope some of that might be useful for you and feel free to drop me another msg if u need more/ want something more specific!!!!!!! ALL THE BEST

2) omg I havent replied to asks in so long that I didnt even rmb what picture this was referring to and I had to go back and look LOL HE’S TRYING HIS BEST ANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE CANT HELP BEING AN AVERAGE MAN SURROUNDED BY MODELS HOW RIDICULOUS OF THEM !!!! 

#thank u for ur patience i will try to be better with replying .. #ILU ALL #sometimes i wish i knew who theese anons are so that i can befriend them #kelno #Anonymous

[palukoo]

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain... 

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style 

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD 

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace 

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

#wolf 359 #w359 #i think im funny #im not gonna do character tags lol #my post #gotta love my trend of telling the music to fuck off

[akalegos]

Could you tell us a little about your characters?

Y E S !

but due to me having at least over a thousand characters I’ll just give a quick summary of the 25 I manage to dig up over 3 sketchbooks.

Y’all can pick and choose which of them interest yall or who you wanna hear more about!

Also because I’m extra, I made sketch icons for the 25 characters, info under the cut

I’ll talk a bit more about my actual Original Characters first, starting with

Aiko! Otherwise known as Echo

- A marked individual in a steampunk world that gets mixed with magic, because I like both of those things

- Echo runs an underground lab that does helps the underground world with replacing body parts, illegal surgeries etc etc

- Even though she marked, which puts a bounty on her head already, she is well respected by the community for not cheating for your money, stealing your cash, or shanking/killing you mid-surgery

- however, Echo does long for adventure and sometimes do get bored in the lab

oh yeah,, Echo like stealing eyeballs, so if you’re low on cash and wouldn’t mind losing an eye, you know who to call!!

Bonus:

Here’s Echo’s boring, undeveloped sidekick!! I don’t like her and I don’t know how to make her better. Yes, she doesn’t have a name.

here’s my god playboy that left “heaven” due to having an early mid-life crisis, I call him God boi cause;

- He goes by many names! 

tbh, he’s probably the closest character I have to being genderfluid/-neutral? I’m not sure,,

- The god has many powers, from lightning to shapeshifting

- The shapeshifting part allows him to change every part of himself, allowing him to change depending on his situation.

- God boyo, or originally Aristide, is obsessed with the idea of perfection. A god should be perfect, if a god is out of line, he is no god. 

- Same goes for him, which means whenever something is wrong with him, it affects him, extremely

However, leaving the land of gods to live among humans aren’t all perks

- Aris isn’t immune to diseases or injuries. In fact, he actually fell down and died on impact when he came to earth, being reborn into another child immediately.

- He doesn’t gain his memories back automatically tho!! He has to have a major shock to the brain in order for him to remember his previous lives

- Sometimes the shock isn’t enough either, when you have a thousand over lives, you won’t remember every single one of them. So forgotten lovers coming back to haunt because your brain hates you? That’s everyday for him!

i just,, i like playing with the concepts of god,,

Up next we got Ayeka Himura! A japanese student going to a neighborhood, but still a pretty good, school living close to poverty due to her father’s constant spending habits and obsession with art supplies. With the household lacking a mother due to wacky shenanigans, Ayeka takes care of her two younger siblings and the house, all while maintaining a very well-paid job and slowly loosing interest in actually studying for a good, honest job.

also she likes birds!!

Yes her design is heavily “based” off Toga but I love her current design too much to change it, h e l p

So like,, I suck at chinese and I made ocs that exclusively spoke in chinese to help with that but I’m still stuck at 40~marks

I forgot his scar but remembered his earring i hate myself

my og chinese kiddo! he was was first to come and I love his design ever since

he radiates fuck you energy except the girl below. He’s neighbors with her and they acknowledge each other existence ever since. he has a dumb cliche crush on her and is a bit protective of her because nothing says having issues than latching onto someone that makes you happy

Only this girl got named!! even tho she was the second character.

Li Shen, yes she doesnt have a surname, is apparently main ho now, according to my old oc chart of my “main” ocs

She’s the group’s resident sweetheart and really does not want you to do stupid shit, stop doing stupid shit. She tutors my son up there ^^ even though he’s actually smart and just refuses to do his work properly. But she still deeply cares for him.

As well as the girl below shdifhd

the last girl of the ching chong trio and the reason I had to switch up my son’s design is this girly over here! Her design was too business-y and formal so I enrolled all of them into college. A rich girl who doesn’t know how to deal with her g a y thoughts. Tried sending Li Shen some flowers once. She didn’t realize attaching her name would be a good idea and son got a good laugh.

i like paranormal stuff so they apparently look into that shit in their spare time. They’re all actually really fun characters to do prompts with I swear!! send some in and I’ll write them

I had a previous concept for son and Li Shen before last girl came and if yall want me to talk about it,,, i found my sketchbook with the old ideas,,

NEXT UP IS MY OLD GIRL ELORA!!

Elora herself used to be a fan character but I pulled her out and wow\

cant fucking believe she used to be straight for Vylad

shes the outgoing, fun adventure type! bit of mommy issues here and there tho,, I don’t want to say too much since I have an entire for her +

her now upgraded bro, Vincent

i really like the name vincent,,

also now he has mommy issues

Ead, the knight who used to have armor

I hate drawing armor 

he also have issues

AND IRIS MY SWEET GIRL IM SO SORRY

she doesnt have that much issues tho

basically I made elora and her bro have mommy issues, I’m sorry in advance if that spoils anything

I, sometimes, post about these 4 over on @eloradiesismydocsname​ and its a gay ol’ time

not that gay tho because uhh,, medieval times,, but I need prompts for a modern au of them and I am happy to talk about their personalities and even go semi in-depth for any of them!!

here we have ghoster.png,, which is her file name cause I didn’t name her,,

A horror enthusiast + film student that goes to a supposedly haunted shack to film her upcoming project with the boys. wacky shenanigans occur and the boys left leaving ghoster here to starve and eventually fall to her death. But because it’s my oc i get to bring her back from the dead, now hungry as ever and will fucking eat you, its not a kink thing, shes just that hungry and angry

tax fraud.png

a robo girl that i created during social studies cause they were talking about taxes and i just went, “what if,, a robo runs on taxes,,, and like,, she haunts you down for not paying your taxes,,” thus she was born! I don’t know what to name her but she is set in the future so-

Time to go future-apocalypse style because I love that setting too and was upset that I didn’t have any ocs in that style. So I created Alex A. ! A cybrog filled with memories of the previous generations as a sad attempt to preserve human life.

He’s accompanied by his sister/cousin idr i didn’t draw an icon for her, didnt like her design. they go on a hunt for food and to return with nothing. She gets to meet this other dude who has a plant arm im pretty sure i based him off someone’s elses oc but i cant remember. The 3 are forgotten. Kinda want to bring them back tho.

Neon! A character set in the future utopia of lazy people, where gamers rise up. its the best I can describe her story without getting too deep. She the new hacker on the block, joining the underground gang of elite hackers. She’s another one of those wacky characters that just has fun. I mean, when you know your way around codes and the world you live in is full of it, would you not take advantage of that?

as for fan characters,, uhh,, i have em

STARTING WITH MY WIFE!

Alexzandra Zara oh my god i forgot to draw her necklace and shirt

anyways,, Alexzandra is one of the more older ocs I have that didnt get a big revamp. Only an au I develop to the point I forgot the actual shows and the original cast are a little different from the source haha what? She’s the emotionally unstable german war veteran, yes the wife thing isn’t mutual, and haha shes only 27~. I cling onto her so much?? She’s hits a lot of “edgy” points but I still love her cause idk,, the story I made for her is something I hold dear cause Alexzandra was one of my first ACTUALLY DEVELOPED CHARACTER. Is it wrong to say I hold her really close to my heart? Is that weird? probably a little cringy sorry haha. I probably project a little into her which might have strengthened my love for her ack. Her story delves more into the depression very unstable needs to talk to someone side and i get scared talking about my wife’s story online so uhh, idk ask me specific questions about her, I’ll be more inclined to talk.

Dr Watts! The spoiled ass dick that stole dst Wilson’s house and yes this is a dst oc, yes im slightly sorry.

He’s just fun?? almost ran a blog with him and a friend’s oc. He’s your typical uptight old science gramps that took advantage of the fact that no one knows his real name that he calls himself a doc. He’s not. I put everything about him up to a 9-10? He’s one of those wacky characters and I love him for it! His story is really wonky tho so might need help solidifying that part 

and from the angry old man to my sweet man that will adopt you even if you’re noisy or call him ginger. Pilot here is a TF2 OC I made to interact with other tf2 OCs cause some of them are fun and i wanna join in :((

He’s the Canadian stereotype, and yes, he adopted scout, that was one of my character notes. 

Like the actual cast of tf2, there’s barely any real story to him. I only gave him a vague I don’t know my past but hey, i fly really really well. He participated in war unlike certain men but he’s still really nice and will only kill you if you hurt his family. Which he doesn’t know so he just considers the cast his family. He keeps mentioning a wife though, pretty sure he doesn’t have one but you do what makes you happy son.

Ai! an oc I HEAVILY revamped oh my god i hate her old vers. So if yall remember my random shouting of missing my og son, Aru. Here’s his bff. cause he barely has any actual friends that give a shit. And I just cant have that. but here’s your yandere revamped into a last minute addition. I actually feel like I did Ai a lot of justice. I don’t want to delve too deep cause I will start making charts. I’ll do that in a separate post if yall are keen

Isamu Aena! a mp100 oc I made by accident cause idk,, I was thinking about lolita fashion and all of a sudden, the actual oc I was going to make turned into a mob psycho oc. She’s one of my few ocs where her sexuality matters (she’s gay yeah) cause it plays a role in her storyline. She went from being “manipulated”/used to Mob’s wingwomen. She spots out things that can help him in the romantic department cause she’s into romance. A student of the school Mob infiltrated and a fantastic tailor, not to mention a pretty decent pyschic. wait where do models get their lolita stuff from,,

im gonna ignore that and move onto Lillian Yi! Who, i swear i did not meant for it, is very close to lloyd. I mean,, none of the ninjas were with him after s3, who you think he’d meet. Lillian is a survivor from the Great Devourour and yes I’m still pissed LEGO stole my backstory for Lillian to use for Harumi. FUCK YOU LEGO, i still love both of em tho,, The event did leave a big scar and it made Lillian job jumping for a bit, ending at Chen’s Noodles in S6~, where ya know,, stuff got better. She was a medalist for gymnastics and continue the activity, even after her parents’ death, to please others. She was already lost at the time so staying in the sport would help, right? Needless to say, after being rejected at a cop academy for youths, or something similar, she gave up for a while but got back into the idea of saving people by using her skills she already had. It helped with the weight and feelings and meeting the green ninja was a very big bonus. Also Lloyd dubbed her the “mysterious stranger” when she refused to speak in fear of her identity, slight shame, and maybe a bit of being star struck. It helped Lloyd too in a sense where he had something to distract him from Zane’s passing.

 Their relationship was eventually formed, strong and almost unbreakable, except for harumi but uhh thats a different story. Throughout the seasons, they stayed close and lloyd was always comforted by Lillian went times get ruff.

Also Lillian is my most light-hearted characters and I think that says a lot

Then there’s Nite “I don’t want to be your dad”. A character that is supposed to be in the ninjago world but barely interacts with the main story and only stays in his self contained plot. He was supposed to get a bf but uhhh idk. He’s the master of shifting and streams that online, taking out small crimes, and is actually really shy and doesn’t like interacting with people.

also haha fortnite

Nora Akino, the sin of despair! its an ad thing, I think. She speaks only in a foreign language that only Odin understands and is either big gay for Ava or Maggi, she can’t pick. And yes she did drink the vial, when TITAN attacks your planet and you accidentally die, how else can you meet your family again? also my grandpa walked in and said she looks like royalty. cool-

she wouldn’t leave my hand for like,, 3 days or something

Petri, a fellow troublemaker at camp campbell’s music camp. She managed to pick the camp because apparently a parent who doesn’t acknowledge your hard work don’t read the fine print! Please let David adopt her,,

LASTLY! Yukimaru Atsuko, hero name; Gummie. She goes by Yuki and is a big dick. She’s a studious student but gets more thrills on the actual battlefield. Living with her uptight grandma and her big bottom energy bro, she has the dom energy thing going. and apparently folks on G+, or the people who comment about her, thinks she’s really pretty, which was oddly a thing back before UA. She’s the dick you can like, not like Bakugou but she will definitely want to fight Bakugou. 

A gum-related quirk is not full of perks when its only your hands. I’d dive more into her like her insecurities and stuff but I’ve been here for probably 3hrs. Sorry anon.

Also I’m so sorry to anyone who reads this all the way through.

#not an ask #bkanvas' ocs #ocs

[wateenleventje]

The Beginning of Us

I used to write fiction. Nothing really remarkable, yet I enjoy composing fictious character's life and tell how love can change our life. Maybe because I watch too much romantic comedy. When I finally stop writing these type of writing, is I think because it does not give much impact to my personal life, let alone to bigger audience.

I decided to write more based on my real personal experience or share my thought in a blog platform. It feels different, it feels more therapeutic because I can stop bottling up what is on my mind and how I actually feel. It is also nice to have pensieve (Harry Potter vocab alert)!

I sometimes miss the good old days when I soak myself in the story of love. No matter how cheesy the story is, I believe that every person's life worth a once in a lifetime story, especially their journey of finding love. That is why I love watching movie about love story (Earlier episode of The Crown with Elizabeth and Philip's story, Felicity Jones' The Theory of Everything, Sandra Bullock's The Proposal, Hilary Duff's Cinderella Story, Lily Colin's Love, Rosie., Lindsay Lohan's The Parent Trap, Emily Clarke's Me Before You are some of my favorite). I enjoy reading hundred of pages (oh well, thousand? I even guilty for reading the whole Twilight Saga series) of how people's life twisted once love came. I kept quotes of love advice, reading and listening to random podcast, videos and blog post about love story, and I even wrote scientific paper about Long Distance Relationship couple (for my bachelor's thesis).

I have to admit that I even perceive so many things in my life happening in a way of a romantic comedy writer works. As an intro I would summed up that we started off as two strangers meeting in a destined time. We came with our own baggage a.k.a history and current situation on-going, but we just gotta meet that night and get through the labyrinth first. Even the setting could not be anymore "hollywood-like": one night, in a new city, simple hello and cheesy line, and we instantly hit if off. 

One thing lead to another, we did not just related, but we keep in touch regularly after that night. It was a memorable night and I was enchanted by him. However, it was on hold shortly after he casually mentioned about his current relationship and became supportive to my situation that time. I was not in my best state at that time, as I took so many careless choices and not focusing on what really matters in life and in love. I think, it was because I was 23 and living on the edge seems like a celebration of getting “my freedom”. 

Even when we became busy with our own circle, our own love life, and our routine, we maintain our close friendship. We came to each other naturally but carefully refraining ourselves from diving in real feeling. I somehow sense that I messed up a little too much and with him I just found a safe haven. I became so comfortable showing my actual thought and telling him how I felt, even when he frowned after hearing about it. I have to be honest, even though I was in a relationship with someone else by that time, I enjoyed his constant care (like taking the closest chair or walking beside me most of the time), his abudant encouragement (how he called me "genius" just because I told him excitedly that I passed my exam without caring the grades I have), our sweet personal talk (I remembered how he shared his "wedding theme song" to me when we were just friend), his being protective to me (not letting me out on my own during winter night) and making a big deal out of his spontaneous compliment (telling me that I made the best fried rice--just because I decided not to put chili on it, because he dislikes spicy food). I remembered that we spent so many alone time, one on one talk when our group of friends are hanging out, catching up in a short groceries walk.

By the end of our first semester, I noticed that something change between us. We become overtly friendlier but also trapped in our current situation. I was so consumed by a long distance relationship struggle back then and did not realize that he also getting close with someone else. I still think that he paid that degree of attention only to me and we have different level of closeness, so I got myself so comfortable with him. I was indulged in our special routine: taking time, just the two of us, strolling around the city in dawn, having kebab and soda when I need someone to talk to, watching the first snow shower together, and even had our best-honeymoon-trip-scenario, where he acted as if he helped me to create a honeymoon itinerary for the me and my future spouse while we just filled it with our favorite places.

I had my breakdown that year after a short holiday where we spent far away from each other as I just broke up from a relationship that I actually knew would not survive. Still, it hurts and what I wanted that new year eve was just to returned to our Maastricht and met him. I was delighted that he was eager to meet me and my parents as well, to the point he initiated it. We arranged a short trip out of the city and I can't deny how I felt about him once I found him getting along with my father. I watched them just sync effortlessly and how he made conversation with him all day long while me and my mom getting “busy” shopping. Maybe I was not rational at that time, wanting to escape from my heart break, but I swear I hear myself saying "I think, all these things happened so I can realize that Madeza is the one".

I did not pay attention or simply refute from seeing the signs, I let myself build hope that this might be a start of something new, only to find out that he had a new girl friend. I remembered that night very clearly, I remember the place when he told me casually about it. I felt like a fool and I keep wondering whether it was a plot twist in our story. Anyway, is it quite clear how our love story resembles one of that movie up until this point?

The shock and even worse heartbreak this time, I got angry and tried to find another resort. So, I chose to spend time with someone else out of the blue, making it clear that I tried to escape watching someone I am in love with enjoying a good time with someone else. I tried to run away from the fact that I have to witness them together, because we were in the same group and we lived in a small city, and I need to at least be able to "do what he do to me”. I don’t know if I am so angry at him or at the timing.

Nonetheless, I can’t keep my joy whenever we sneaked out for a meet-up. But our conversation became bizarre as we keep so much from each other. It only took us weeks to realize that our so called friendship needs a closure. We approached each other, talking until dawn and crying and laughing at how ridiculous the situation we got ourselves into. We talked about past, about our feeling, about moments we secretly keep and treasure it. I was told that he actually recognized me before we talked for the first time. He spotted me through a social media posting and he read some of my blog posts. 

I think, that moment we were too happy and got ourselves into a bubble, we were too afraid to return to the reality we were in that we did not talk about it. But morning comes and we just have to face the reality we were in. Once or twice we exchanged some difficult conversation, like a passive I-want-you-to-tell-what-is-going-on-between-us and we did not continue in the middle of our conversation because it was too hard just to straightly said how we actually feel. So, we let the distance grow, we did not really exchange news or let ourself start any conversation. It was hard, but I think by that time it was what we need for a while.

I remember the spring was around the corner when we finally reconnected. It started with a random meeting and hang out. It ended up with a text where I confessed that I miss him so badly. Ever since that day, we just know that things are escalating. Although we spend time with our friends, we cannot keep that longing stare off each other. I feel that moment very significant to our relationship because we were so close to hit that point in our romantic relationship, yet we were not so sure where we stood.

One of the most special memory in that period is related with the celebration of my 24th birthday. We did not get to celebrate my birthday together, but we went to the church that morning together. He took me to a birthday brunch and it was a lovely morning. I was not really in a good place back then, I felt a bit disoriented in between what I have not achieved in my life and where I want to walk after this. We talk about future, not as the two of us, yet, but about each of us. We learn about surrender (berserah) our life in God's hands and not give up our situation to the situation at road's end (terserah). I never had that kind of conversation with anyone before, that moment I know how much I want to have those conversations for the rest of my life.

As we only have part of my birthday together, we decided to go for a date to annual spring garden, away from our city. I bought a pinky seed of tulip, we strolled, chatted, and had dinner. He took me to have dinner in a cozy café by the pier called Plek. We stayed there long enough until the crowd dissolved, looking the sky turned black, the lights hanged warmly, and we had the bench by the pier for ourselves. We sit there, looking at pitch black far horizon, just close our eyes in silence side by side. The weather feels cool, but I cant help feeling sad for this moment, as verything is quite blurry even when we can't deny what is hanging the air. He said something though--something that replace the 3 words we have not really dare to say to each other as we just throw the badge of friendship that we used all this time. "If one day I don’t fight for us as much as I do today, please remind me of this place and this moment."

He took my breath away.

For 23 years I was falling and failing miserably, worrying that I wont come up with the love story that as magical as my parents’. I am afraid I won’t ever stop looking until I found my own great love story. Then, I met Madeza that year and I know he is my great love story. It was just the beginning and I already know how it turned out to be, and I love it. I’ve found the one and it is much more wonderful than any love story in the whole world. 

#whatalife

#wateenleventje

[shortandchatty]

Hello!

 Hello! I thought it was probably about time I made a post on here. 

SO THERES A FEW THINGS IM GONNA TALK ABOUT!

1) What on earth this blog is gonna be for

2) A lil update on things I’ve been up to/why i haven’t posted since making this account 

3) Stuff thats gonna be coming 

4) Other that doesn’t really fall into anything, its like that random box of stuff you have in your house and don’t really know what to do with it because the stuff doesn’t have a home but also you cant throw it away! 

SO

1) I’ve been wanting to set up a proper blog for quite some time now but i don’t really know where to start with it or what to do, so I thought I’d test the waters a bit on tumblr and sort of find me feet with it all. So essentially this is kinda gonna be a place for me to talk about what I’ve been up to and the progress/updates of me setting up my production company. I’m also going to be posting links to stuff i’ve created and posts about films and other media stuff I like and just kinda wanna put some words down about or have a chat! 

2) I’ve been a little bit quiet and haven’t really given this blog much time for a number of reasons. Two of the biggest reasons being finishing my degree and spending 9 months producing a lil series called clever stuff. (You can find clever stuff on shortandchatty productions on youtube!). I’m someone who doesn’t really know when to stop and just generally like being busy doing the filming, photography, and media stuff I do, so i tend to end up with a lot of projects at once! I’ve been working on a music video for the wonderful Izzii Grace (you can find her facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/IzziiGraceMusic/ shes also on spotify and instagram and all the other usual stuff) 

As well as this I started a shiny new grad job before even graduating uni which has been pretty sweet! So I have a job as a videographer along side me setting up my own production company, oh look at that I actually managed to do a nice tidy move into another topic! 

SO from doing lots of bits of work here and there I kinda decided I wanted to start my own production company that could work as a sort of home for any freelance commissions (I will be opening for commissions 1st August 2018 you can go to   https://www.facebook.com/shortandchattyproductions/ for all stuff to do with that if ya interested!) I’m going to be doing a proper post about that but I’ll give you a quick update here! 

The idea of shortandchatty productions is going to sorta be a home for my freelance work for the first year while I build myself up. In about a years time ish, I’m hoping for shortandchatty to have a proper office and sort of “home” (It’s going to be a very full on year working an extra job to fund basically saving for said office) then once its up in full swing I would love to get other creative people with different skills involved! (If you do want to get involved in any up and coming projects get in touch via my facebook page and we can talk about it! Editors and graphic/motion graphics people especially!!) My general attitude toward this stuff is that its fun and to me, it’s never felt like a job which is how your career should be in my opinion, if you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life!) I did work placement at a really cool place in cardiff called storm&shelter and absolutely adored their work ethic and general vibe and thats what i want to head toward, having more places like that! 

Speaking of doing things you love, I’ve also just got back from helping contribute to the instagram and twitter pages for 2000 trees music festivals, again another job that doesn’t feel like a job! Working at trees is always a highlight of my year and something I do not take for granted in the slightest. I feel so grateful to be able to spend a few days in a field watching great bands and just being in a great atmosphere, while getting to capture it all. 2000 trees is a festival like no other to be honest and one i cant recommend enough! So if you fancy checking out those posts that would be ace!

3) So I have a few blogs I’m going to be posting are going to include

- A couple of filmy review type blogs (These are gonna include: I, Tonya, isle of dogs, lady bird, thor ragnarok, infinity war, and oceans 8, yes a few of those came out a while ago but i have stuff to say!) 

- A post about 2000 trees 2018

- A full post about shortandchatty productions

- A little post about my experience at uni

- Stuff about Clever stuff and what went into it, how i feel about it, and future plans (sneak preview, there is going to be a second series!) 

- Probably a bit of a deep and emotional hard hitting post about stuff like mental health, being chronically ill and just how its not a good idea being stubborn pushing through when you know you probably need a break. (Spoiler, doing this put me in hospital twice while getting through uni and producing my series because I just wanted to get stuff done and not feel like my illness was stopping me and that I didn’t have to take it a bit easier than anyone else) 

4) The odds and sods: 

Uni was super busy and stressful, but i survived it! 

I still don’t know how to use tumblr despite part of my job being working in social media 

This is probably way too long an update post! 

[jihoonslattee]

Tumblr User! Ong Seongwoo

[credit to each pic owner!]

ok so i was just eating some filipino food at a restuarant when my mind was like “YO YKNOW I WONDER WHAT WANNA ONE WAS PPL ON TUMBLR WOULD BE LIKE” so here i am BSJXNS [this is literally not proofread tbh everything i write isn’t proof read im so sorry DHFKD]

~~~~

his username would be

ongtheslate95

95 being the yr he was born in

so he’s probably one of those aesthetic tumblrs that posts aesthetic photos that everyone loves

like he’ll post aesthetic photos of him posing at places that look so nice and stuff 

honestly his photos were so pleasing that they actually ended up being used in a lot of places 

also being used without credit but tbh ong didn’t mind, as long as he got recognition for his photos and his artistic style through being aesthetic he was happy! 

so you also happened to be an aesthetic blog, people also admired you

you didn’t really take pictures of yourself mostly of places that looked aesthetic. 

and you followed ong because wow he was handsome and wow his photos were so nice like pls teach me ???

the downside to his fantastic blog was 

memes

literally the memes he reblogs onto it 

it didn’t bother you at first, but it started bothering you when his blog at times was just flooded with memes 

like it was one thing to reblog other aesthetic blogs and like some memes but it was getting to you 

like the stuff he reblogged was just weird like 

there would be a meme of someone cleaning but then someone coming in ruining it and then he would tag it 

“this is literally minhyun and jaehwan rip”

or like something really weird and be like 

“THIS REMINDS ME OF DAEHWI’S AND JINYOUNG’S RELATIONSHIP I SOB”

so like once you were fed up you messaged him like 

“hey ong the slate, i understand you find great memes you wanna share but i hope you know that ppl mainly follow your account for the aesthetics!”

he replied like one second after which had you shooketh 

“ahh i see, i mean i like sharing what i think it funny with the people that follow me!”

so here starts a full blown convo 

“you could make a side blog for just reblogging random things and tell your followers!” 

“oh is that a good idea?”

“yeah ofc i have a side blog myself where i reblog a ton of stuff i like, it doesn’t have like a ton of followers but it’s the thought that counts 

“whats your side blog name?”

“uh i’d rather not say it’s weird” 

anyways after that convo low and behold ong made his own mf side blog called 

theslatememes

you secretly followed it on your side blog because even though you didn’t like the memes on his aesthetic blog, the stuff he was reblogging was pretty funny 

anyways one day at the college that you attend you notice that someone is taking photos near the cherry blossom trees. 

walking closer you notice that it’s ong 

ong the slate 

and you mentally freak out because tf you didn’t know he live this close and 2 he looked hella fine in person 

“daniel no! I asked you to take it in this position, this is important!”

“chill seongwoo, art takes time”

you casually walk up to seongwoo and daniel 

“are you ong the slate on tumblr?”

and he just freezes up like 

“shit i’ve been spotted”

so he just laughs it off and steps away from the tree awkwardly while daniel is over to the side low key trying not to laugh his ass off 

“y-yeah! i actually go to this college, do you?” 

“yeah! i’ve been following your blog for a while and i love the photos you post, i also like your side blog”

his eyes light up and he literally almost grabs your hands in excitement but then realizes yall are still strangers 

“what’s your blog name? i’ll follow you back!” 

and then this is where you realize

“oh shit, i fucked up”

you just kind of awkwardly laugh and just start to back away like 

“well it was nice meeting you! i hope you see you around!” 

while you scurry off though seongwoo just smiles to himself 

“whats up ong?”

“usually when people spot me in public which is rare they just say ‘hey aren’t you that ong handsome guy that takes nice photos on tumblr?’ and the only person who really has directly called me ong the slate was this one girl on tumblr who told me i should make a side blog”

daniel literally started laughing which made ong confused like 

ong literally turned around and gave daniel the “wtf are you laughing at face” 

“you are literally loosely piecing together facts, are you sure you aren’t thinking that way because you want to meet that girl in person?”

he wiggled his eyebrows a little and seongwoo scoffed, 

“shut up daniel let’s go back to taking pictures.”

later that day your phone pinged signaling that you had a notification from tumblr

“hey! I know we haven’t talked since you like criticized my account! how are you”

“oh also your new photos on your account are so aesthetic”

you slightly smiled seeing the second message but when you read the first one he sent you got a little salty 

“OK FIRST OFF i didn’t criticize your account, i was just suggesting something to improve your account”

“what ever you say but anyways what’s your name and how are you?” 

“ok fine well i’m Y/N which is a pretty common name BUT i’m doing fine, just working on some homework.”

“HMMM you go to college?”

“no i go to english language school”

“oh”

“no yes it’s for college”

“HAH ok bye!”

you were so confused like why talk to you for like three minutes then leave after getting some info about you?

the next day while walking down the part of your college with the cherry blossom trees you hear someone call out your name 

“Y/N!”

you froze in your spot and turned around slightly, you spotted Seongwoo RUSHING towards you with a huge smile on his face

ABORT

you started walking equally as fast because who cares about your class now you wanted to escape from possible embarrassment

“uh WAIT Y/N I JUST WANNA TALK”

“THERE’S NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT”

“YES THERE IS” 

so now here you are sipping on a hot chocolate in a cafe with seongwoo just giving you a mischievous smirk 

“what a coincidence! I didn’t know you went to me college!” 

“i don’t even know how you thought i was the person that talked to you on your tumblr”

“you see i watch all these detective shows and sometimes even the weirdest facts fit together!” 

you were literally blown away 

“anyways,”

Seongwoo took out his phone and after tapping on it a little he placed it in front of you 

“so i was wondering if you would take a look at the photos i have, i was planning on posting them but yknow daniel isn’t rlly a good helper”

you simply just nodded and looked over the photos while scrolling you realized that over half of them were memes which caught ong’s attention and made him flustered

“AGH i forgot to put it to my folder full of aesthetic photos!” 

he snatched the phone away and then placed it in front of you again 

“i see you’re more of a meme person huh?”

“just look at the photos” 

so you scrolled some more and a lot of them were really nice but some of them had bad angles. 

you causally changed to the camera on his phone and pointed it at him 

“uh what are you doing?”

“just pose or something” 

following what you said he sat up straight and did one of those aesthetic poses (ok so like just try to imagine one bc i cant DFHJKD)

you positioned yourself in a way where it looked super nice and took the photo, changed the filter and handed the phone back to him 

“i think daniel needs a little more training” 

he just laughed and instead of laughing with him your mind was like 

“wow he has a cute laugh” 

but before you could even like second guess that thought of yours seongwoo asked you something 

“hey do you wanna like collab together? like you take my photos and i can help you with something? Daniel keeps on doing the same shots over and over again and i wanna have something new which you provide me with!” 

“as long as you don’t take up a lot of my time sure”

this obviously made seongwoo’s smile grow large and he just took your hands in his which made you surprised and flustered 

oh and your face turned a bit red too

“this is great! Hopefully we work well together” 

time skipp because this is starting to get a bit long

“so seongwoo what do you think of this place?”

it was a simple abandoned train station that had been painted pink (think of bp’s aityl train station that was pink) and since he was wearing pink you thought it would be a perfect idea to take a couple of photos of him there!

before you turned you head to look at him you heard a quiet snap of a camera and saw seongwoo holding the polaroid camera 

“ugh seongwoo what did i tell you? Don’t waste the film on taking pictures of the scenery, we gotta use it for you!” 

he just waved you off and smiled while taking the new photo that had come out and stuffed it into his pocket. 

while you were taking photos of him he stopped posing

“what’s wrong?”

“don’t you ever wanna take pictures of yourself? like and post aesthetic photos of you? i’m sure people would love that” 

you shrugged and placed the camera into your bag 

“i mean i’ve never really had the confidence for it, when i tried it just looked a little i don’t know, tacky?” 

seongwoo nodded and then started muttering something underneath his breath 

“all the photos i have of you don’t look tacky though”

“what?”

“i was just saying how it probably looks tacky but aesthetic!” 

you laughed and just hit seongwoo on the shoulder”

“shut up your always look so nice”

“that’s because you’re taking them” 

“alright alright true now lets go back to taking photos of you”

____

once the photoshoot was done and you arrived home you started receiving a bunch of notifications from your friends 

you picked up your phone and took a glance at it while skimming over your notes for you test tomorrow 

“WAIT WHAT”

you literally dropped your phone 

“HEY Y/N WHY ARE THERE PHOTOS OF YOU ON ONGTHESLATES TUMBLR?? AND THEY LOOK HELLA AESTHETIC PLZ EXPLAIN”

going on tumblr you looked at seongwoo’s posts and noticed that it was the truth 

he had posted a bunch of polaroids of you, including the one he took at the train station today that you assumed was only of the scenery 

“istg when i see him again i’ll make sure to expose-”

mid way of trying to think of ways to get back at him your heart stopped beating at the caption he had put 

“she thinks photos of her are tacky but all the photos i have of her taken over all the time we’ve spent together say otherwise right?” 

you clicked on the notes on the post, which seemed like they were going up little bit by bit and saw what people had said 

“is this your girlfriend O.O”

“she’s so pretty! tell her to start her own aesthetics blog!”

“you guys should become a couple aesthetics blog, that would be so cute~” 

you could feel your face going red as you brought your face to your cheeks

“ugh ong seongwoo what are you doing?” 

you had to admit it was a little sweet but it just made you feel a certain way that you didn’t want to feel 

you still high key wanted to expose him 

SO THE NEXT DAY you started walking over to your usual meet up spot when daniel all of a sudden started walking next to you 

“lets go a different route this time!” 

he started pushing you in another direction

while you were questioning where he was taking you, you noticed a bunch of photos on the ground that looked like familiar places to you 

at this point while you were admiring the photos daniel had left you to jus wonder what they were for 

so like what people do in the movies you started following the trail of photos while picking them up 

which led you to a gazebo which you didn’t even know existed at your college 

the trail also led you to ong, who had his back turned towards you. 

“alright ong i don’t think turning your back towards me is going to make me not see you”

you laughed softly and you could hear him chuckle a little too 

so he slowly turned around 

and by slowly i mean like you wanted to go up to him and turn him around fully yourself 

but when he did though, you gasped 

actually gasped like not enough to put your hands to your mouth though 

“ong what is that?!”

your face instantly lit up and you reached your hand towards a bouquet that had all these aesthetic photos of your and seongwoo 

(try to imagine it i literally cannot explain it SHKD)

“I wanted to surprise you, i know we haven’t known each other long but i would love to start a blog together and with that blog start a nice beautiful relationship between the two of us?”

you smiled and took the bouquet out of his hands 

“that was super cheesy but I guess i’m not against it, i would love to take aesthetic photos with you while also being a cute couple while we’re at it” 

seongwoo’s face lit up

like you know when he smiles so big that it’s literally blinding, 

that kind of lit up 

he instantly picked you up and spun you around making you both laugh in the process 

“gosh Y/N you are like the prince to my charming”

“that literally did not make sense”

he set you down and just gave you this teasing stare

“but you like me anyways rightt?”

he smiled at you and you couldn’t help but smile back 

“of course i do”

before ong could respond daniel literally burst in and ruined the moment 

“ALRIGHT LOVE BIRDS SEONGWOO PROMISED ME SOME BBQ IF THIS SUCCEEDED LETS GO EAT SOME”

daniel then proceeded to grab both of your arms and drag you towards the nearby place

“also count this as your kind of first date!”

seongwoo scoffed

“first date with a third wheeler?”

now it was daniel’s turn to scoff and they both continued to bicker while walking the whole way to the place. 

even though you weren’t really tuning into their conversation, you kept on the looking at each of the photos of both you and seongwoo and couldn’t help but think about how great and sweet seongwoo is 

even though he teased you and also exposed you 

you start to get really excited about the future with him, and also probably daniel since they stick to each other like glue 

#wanna one #wannaone #ong #seongwoo #ong seongwoo #wanna one fic #wanna one fluff #wanna one scenario #wanna one scenarios #wanna one imagine #wanna one imagines #ong seongwoo fic #ong seongwoo fluff #ong seongwoo scenario #ong seongwoo scenarios #ong seongwoo imagine #ong seongwoo imagines #slate #never #produce 101 #produce 101 season 2 #produce 101 season 2 imagine #produce 101 season 2 imagines #produce 101 season 2 scenario #produce 101 season 2 scenarios #produce 101 season 2 fic #produce 101 season 2 fluff

[swampgallows]

i need help. i cant do anything. even in europe all i did was trail behind. i didnt book anything or research anything. i just followed along. everybody else planned everything and i just followed behind.

i dont know what will happen to me without coverage. i need to make calls but i dont know what will happen. i really need help and i really want to be able to do things without my parents. there is so much my parents dont know and that i dont feel safe telling them. there is so much i dont trust my parents with but they control everything. they dont even know i quit my job because i was going to kill myself. ir eally want to get help. and i really need to get help. and i feel like the only way i can truly do it is if im entirely removed from this environment for an extended period of time. i thought europe would be the thing to help me enough but during the last few days when i realized i was going to have to come back here i started panicking and getting sick. and since i got home my body has been rejecting even the most mild of foods (oatmeal, applesauce, eggs and toast) and i cant sleep for more than a few hours at a time, at random. and i cant focus on anything again, and i only managed to draw something for a little bit when my mom was at the hospital again. 

i hate that i cant do anything alone but i feel like when im by myself i’ll disappear. but even when im with people i fall out of existence and stop being a person. i cant be here. im struggling to be here any more as a person. 

i had canceled my wow subscription (i guess?) so it wouldnt charge me while i wasnt playing and i havent started it back up again yet. i opened hots but i didnt play it. i cant even play video games. 

i really need help. i really need to get somewhere where i can be away from this environment and get help or im just going to sit in my bed until i die. im dissociated more than im grounded  nowadays, even on the trip. if eel like unless im in a super safe and time-constrained situation (like a rave or at a restaurant?? or something) i cant be a human being. like i have to have a scripted event and i cant exist outside of it. i dont know what to do with myself unless im being perceived or something like that. 

i hate writing about this stuff on tumblr but it’s making me lose my mind if i dont get it out somehow. it’s just spinning in my head and all i can do is sit here. it’s 4 in the morning and i thought about cleaning my room to do something productive while not having to be a person, per se, but it’s 4am and it would be too loud. i thought about getting in my car and driving around a little while the streets are super empty but my mom is awake and sitting by the door.

im so fucking sick of my parents knowing about every single thing i do. i cant be a person independent of them if i cant do or say anything without them knowing. and even if i put up my middle finger and say like FUCK YOU IM DOING THIS like my sister does it doesnt matter, in the end they still control everything and they still KNOW. i still have to come back to their house to go to bed, and even if im gone for days they know im gone. my sister is looking into renting a place with her shitty chaotic boyfriend (even though she swore up and down that she would NEVER move in with him) just so she doesnt have to fucking live here. AND SHE’S 29 AND I’M 27 WE SHOULDNT HAVE TO STILL LIVE WITH OUR PARENTS BUT NO ONE IN MY GENERATION CAN AFFORD TO MOVE OUT WITHOUT LIVING WITH 9 STRANGERS FOR 800 A MONTH EACH, AND THOSE NUMBERS ARE NOT EXAGGERATED

it was such a relief when i was in europe to just not check in with them at all or have to tell them anything. not even ‘hey i’m here safe!’ fuck you. i barely even posted on facebook about it except for checking in to places on swarm, and not to tell them, but just to do it, because it’s what i’d do anyway. “thanks for the update” my sister wrote, like i was supposed to tell them sooner. it’s none of their fucking business. they are not part of the equation at all. i bought the plane ticket, i paid for my share of the hotel and hostel and apartment, AND i was planning to drive myself to nate’s house until my mother fucking berated me about it and dropped me off instead (they were using my car that week anyway). 

my sister is on a career path and so is my brother and im not. i havent tried learning coding again in a while. i really do not have anything to live for, im not in love with anybody and i have no dreams and i dont even want to get married really and i DEFINITELY do not want children, i still feel like a child, i feel too helpless and stupid to do anything, my art is WAY below the professional level and i couldnt even fulfill all the commissions i took, i barely even draw for myself. i dont do anythign for myself. i cant even take care of myself. im full of self-destructive impulses maybe because i feel like if it gets bad enough my parents will give a shit about me, or something, but they dont, or they cant, theyre incapable. i think about all the healing i have to do and all the trauma ive been through and how my mother takes even that away from me, using it to further her own self-flagellation about what a bad mother she is. even if i killed myself, my suicide would matter to her more as a means to further punish herself than as a loss of my life. and i know this because when i was hit by the car and didnt have the self-preservation to call for help or do anything, all she did was scream at me at the top of her lungs and then complain about what a bad mother she was that she apparently never taught us to call our parents.

i had to throw up when we were driving back to lax to drop cookies off and i thought i could make it. i puked all over myself, bad, in nate’s car, and he said, “you need to just tell me if you have to and i’ll pull over.” and i legitimately didnt even think of that. i am so accustomed to just suffering in silence and then getting punished afterward that i didnt do a solid for myself or for my friends by just giving a heads up about what was happening to me. i just let it happen and dealt with the consequences. and that thought really unnerved me. why didnt i say something? did i really think he would get mad at me for asking, for having the audacity to get sick? was i embarrassed??? well i was sure as fuck embarrassed for puking all over myself like a fucking infant, so why didnt i just say something? like who the fuck does that? i just sat there fighting it, thinking it would go away, instead of saying like “dude, can we pull over? i think im gonna throw up.” maybe i didnt want to be an inconvenience, or ruin the good time, or be needy, or draw attention to myself, or possibly make cookies late for her plane (she had more than enough time and it wouldnt have been a problem at all. pulling over for a minute wouldnt have mattered. we werent even on the freeway.) so why didn’t i even think to say something?

i was never like this. i was never somebody who didnt stand up for myself.

or was i? i dont know. i have avenged people in the past, speaking up for them when they didnt have anyone on their side, so why cant i speak up for myself? i didnt say anything when i was being molested, or raped, but i was just a child. but ive been ground down more and more to be more subservient, quieter, helpless, and the few times i try to defend myself or make a stand or speak up i end up saying a very wrong thing or being extremely rude or just embarrassing myself by saying something foolish. or i come off as aggressive. 

aggression.

i have nothing so i have nothing to ground me and nothing with which to assert myself. as time goes on i feel weaker and weaker, more and more feeble and like i need permission to be alive. i cant be open with my family about nearly any of my beliefs or interests, hence why i am so fervent and adamant them in spaces that i can be (like, here, for instance, blogging until i am blue in the face about warcraft and dumb rave shit). in person i feel foolish among other wow fans, who play the game better than i do and know more about the lore than i do, and i am made to feel like an imposter (FUCK YOU spellcheck i prefer the -er) or an idiot or a “fake fan” or like “wow you dedicate so much of your life to this and you still dont know a fucking thing, what a loser, what a moron”. and i feel that way about rave shit too. hanging around other DJs and shit who know so much more about their specific areas, things im not necessarily against knowing but havent really done the research on my own, i feel like i’m nothing, too.

i dont have any worthwhile qualities and especially nothing that i’m capable of doing to a lucrative or productive degree. i have a worthless art degree, speaking of which, after 5 interminable soul-crushing years at a university that ground me in its teeth and made me feel like i belonged as a smear on the pavement. and then i almost was that after being hit by a car during what was supposed to be my final semester. 

im just really not supposed to be here and i have nothing to offer. and i know nobody is “supposed” to be here but i dont even have the means to act like it or to make myself useful. i cant even be useful to myself. i cant even do the things i have an inkling of wanting to do. i just start hitting myself or crying even when i try to do the things that will make me happy. the amount of times ive been at my tables mixing away and then beating the shit out of myself at the slightest mistake and having to sit in the bath for an hour to calm down are innumerable. drawing isn’t as violent, unless im interrupted, in which case it becomes a heavy weight, like an anvil on my forehead, screaming about all the time i was wasting, and how i spent x hours on this and it still looks like shit or it’s completely pointless or “oh orcs again how fucking original you fucking cuntrag of course your favorite is the inexcusably evil and violent genocidal piece of shit character you constantly try to “fix” in your head and make excuses for because youre a broken worthless idiot addicted to abuse since being used is the only function you have in this world”

im kind of glad r/incel was banned because i was developing kind of a hate-read addiction to seeing screenshots on here. i never went to the reddit itself but being raised on that kind of mentality brought back a lot of feelings, and i was trying to train myself to just laugh at those posts, but so many people like that have ruined me in the past that i ended up feeling like i had a duty to “hear” them out. i was practically raised by men who would now be classified as “incels” and that rhetoric comprised a bulk of my understanding about sexuality, especially when my introduction to the entire concept of sex was through entitlement via rape. i thought letting myself be abused was some act of altruism, and that men wanting to possess me was something admirable and validating, especially since i was so ugly, that they in turn were being charitable by allowing themselves to be associated with me, that the least i could do was let them get some kind of pleasure out of it. 

sure i didnt know any better as a child but im still fighting these feelings as an adult. i cant even navigate my own feelings about men. the pirate wants to go to bar sinister again on saturday (with smee, luckily) but i still cant feel out if it’s a date or not, and i still cant decide whether or not i’m comfortable with it being a date, since i dont know what attraction is, i dont want to hurt the guy’s feelings, and i’d like to stay friends, and i dont want to make him mad, and i dont want to lead him on either, and i DONT KNOW WHY i am basically arguing with myself as to whether or not i should ‘let this happen’, that i should just allow something to happen to me, again, because i “pursued” this man enough to let him know i wanted to get to know him better and hang with him outside of just seeing him on the bus, but i do not believe i have ever consciously pursued someone romantically IN MY LIFE (and if i did i was the last to know i was doing it). i have never had the thought “I want to date this person” because i dont fucking know what dating is, i dont know what anything is, i dont fucking know anything, i am not someone who would intentionally make a “First Move” on someone in the way of “wow i want to kiss this person so i had better get to know them better” like they do in the movies.

ultimately i guess i cannot ever imagine someone respecting me and being reciprocal with me. cannot ever imagine someone wanting to be around me for me and not because of some ulterior motive, like that theyre in love with me because of some shit emotional labor they squeezed out of me or some naive infatuation theyve conjured up in their heads about how we’re going to be married someday even if i explicitly reject them outright on several separate occasions, or how they’re so emotionally stunted that me being a cordial human being and sharing a trace of interest with them (wow youre a girl, AND you play video games? AND you have hooves?) translates into a crush because they have zero boundaries or understanding of women. 

cause like, im a fucking disaster area. i dont even want to be around me. i cannot even look at myself in the mirror, my insecurity is volatile, i’m incredibly unstable and i have no self-preservation or means of independence. if you want to be dragged down in every facet possible, look no further: i am a living embodiment of trench foot. so because i deem myself having no value i dont see why anyone else could. which is why im comfortable with traces of platonic shit and why social media is perfect. it’s meaningful enough interaction to let me know that i, individually, have value, but superficial and ephemeral enough to know it’s not because anyone has any weird fucking obsession with or bias toward me. my art appears on their dash in a flash and if they like it, they like it, and that’s it. they dont gotta say shit, and it’s an entirely objective Unit of Value not based on any expected performance from me or my identity as a human being. Just, deemed worthy, and if they add their own addendum or something it’s because they’re contributing to something larger, not directly feeding into my ego/personhood. 

and in turn, on my blog i can provide whatever sort of content i want without expectation and at the end of the day even if it goes unnoticed, im not doing it for any means to an end so ultimately its impact is irrelevant. like, thank fucking god. my blog doesnt provide a service to people where they expect some kind of Product, and they can opt out at any time. as long as im not going around hurting people (and obviously i would never want to do that) my blog doesnt matter, and i dont have to matter. 

“you matter”. fuck off. maybe i dont want to matter. maybe im better off just being a transient, tied to nothing and no one to keep from burdening anybody or burdening myself by feeling like i have to be fucking “useful” all the time. 

for how truly invisible i feel all the time, it’s ironic how much i wish i could be.

#blathering

[joseyfeli1-blog]

This is it. Halloween 2017

So this Halloween (sadly) i will not dress up. But i will strip down, Ayyyyy!!

alright back to business. Sexuality, Identity, and least important of this bunch, Biological Sex.

This post is for my blog and to be written down. I am still closeted, which i only will tell people that i believe will not care so much about this info. Serisouly in my life, it isnt a huge thing for me.

So it has come to me, throughout this year i really shouldn’t say i am cisgender, and heterosexual. And for me that was strange for me to be so okay with. Yet it wasn’t of how accepting and how much i love myself. No. it is truly cause i knew i wasn’t but never went to go check up the lgbt+ shit, and didn’t care about this stuff. But here i am, caring about myself (how do i feel about that? ehh). Sexuality was never something i cared to bring up/talk about, but Senior year (high school) and im just realizing that from past experiences that, yeah, it is more complicated than - hetero, cis. Yeah no, mostly all my lifes explanations are paragraphs, or essays. long story short, This post is really not for the people who would support me (though Thank You so much) and also not for me to accept me. Again I never cared for my sexuality and i still dont, but since i might get asked, and i would like an straight(Hah!) answer.Okay so here it is…

Identity

A big thing this is. Most explanation will be put into this (not for people to believe me, just so its written somewhere). I want to be identifyed as Genderfluid, three genders, Male, Female, and Non-Binary. For friends on here, dont worry im fine with the pronouns and or whatever you all me. I enjoy no remembering that im biologically male, but i understand people wont care for me in the future. Plus about 17 years of it, kind of numbs you to caring about the pronoun game. So why identify as genderfluid and not be cisgendered? Well for me i am self aware that i depreciate myself (all the fucking time) and some part of it was, so i mustnt hate myself enough to realise i should accept the idea of me being identified as the other two genders. So i thought about, i hate most masculine shit. feminine shit? Love a lot of it! Shit with no gender?  Cool as fuck. So why be filtered Josey? why not embrace this threepeice mofo? 

Why do i believe myself to be these genders?/ Why identify as them?

picture a triple Venn diagram please? Male, Female, Non-Binary.

Why male? i WILL NOT degrade the beauty of the other two genders to have me as a full addition. (self-depreciation, i know, again self aware af) 

Why Female? They all are strong as H E L L! to be apart of them, thats a nice thought. Plus ive had a front row seat of how most common men act towards women and i will not be apart of those asses(i am a different kind of asshole, but that is for another post, not the time right now) I never liked the way how most people talk about how lesbians are only hot and the they are sexualized, THEN! when they bring it up! everyone calls them crazy and disregards the actions of sexualizing women loving women.

Why Non-Binary? They have no need for being either common gender, Awesome! in my opinion. The fact that i never cared for my gender  through my young life, speaks out to me, not loudly, but i know i barely care for the thing in between my pants, regardless my bio sex. In fact, i wont have memories of me being called specific pronouns and shit where i feel nostalgia over them, you wanna know why? Cause i dont remember being called a boy and enjoying it! i just remember having a great time with video games or walking around the houses ive been in.

Seriously days go by without me acknowledging that im male, so in my opinion no it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me, nor if they will support my identifications. Hence, Genderfluid, not trans, not just Non-binary. But three halves, to make a whole.

Sexuality

Alright the simpler part of this post. So when growing up, media, my family, myself, just thought it was okay for making me believe that: Yes! i am hetero! i like women! and it is okay how many are being degraded!

took me a second, but luckily i do not think that at all anymore. (for people that are going to argue me, realize that: too bad if im wrong! i aint changing this post for you!) Now sadily it took me tim eto notice how heteros i knew/ know think its fine how they think so lowly of the people they find sexually attractive, but opinions opinions! so i digress.

I am DemiPansexual (and probs demiromantic, not the time to figure that shit out yet.;p)

Demisexual- Part of the Ace spectrum, you are sexually attracted to no one other than people you have created such powerful bonds with, the immensity or lack of strong bond is obviously individual preference.

Pansexual- People sexually attracted to people whom are themselves as much as possible. See People, we dont care for biological sex, identity, or sexual orientation of whomever we feel attracted to sexually. Again personal reference is what you are looking towards other people (or yourself? who nows? some freaky narcissistics out there, @rapforeminem im looking at You!:p). For me, people being themselves the most, and me seeing them sexually attractive because of it- That (again for me) is someone living their life where they cant stop learning themselves and aspiring to be themselves as we all know, we gonna die soon. the fact is (in my opinion), People dont change, they adapt and grow. They become what their soul is. i believe that souls know what we will become, hopes that we discover all 100% of ourselves, i pray to know all of me, but im also scared, so i will not try to really go out for the answer, if it happens, it happens, and cool too. To see someone be themselves and embrace it, brightens my mood. seeing their bright eyes, makes me bite my lip (like a loser and/or fangirl, lol), it makes me feel good/ special to be there for it. it is special and sweet. anyhow, i hate seeing people as sexual objects, i know i very much did before, but for me, it was normalized! for me! i am justifying me right now, im justifying when i didn’t know that was not how i like to think and act.

DemiPansexual- So why use both? Well, i shouldn’t call myself/ use the ace spectrum to use for myself, again big respect for each one of them, because  i have seen people that i didn’t have/ picture of having a profound bond with. And I love the soul of others, they’re so pretty! Especially when they are really unfiltered.

now because i am pansexual, doesn’t mean i have to seek out the entire soul of another to be even a tiny bit sexually attracted to them. That is my opinion. This Whole Fucking post is my god damned opinion, why type and post it? it will give me god damn peace broham. having something written, helps me cope, so in a sense, this helps me be me, acceot myself and my complicated sexuality/identity.

So for people whom talk, or want to talk to me (there is no line for that), and dont know how to talk to me aafter i come out, just notice, i never really talked about myself in these ways before! i never really cared, i am numb to how poeple just saw a straight regular boi. GOD do i wish it was that simple, literally over an hour typing this shit! But of course to end it,

Biological sex

i am boi

Alright that is it! Hahaha, okay so this is going out at 2:00 am in texas time, but 12:00am (Halloween) for westcoast of the united states. ill reblog during the day of Halloween. not to advertise myself, but for people that want a coming out post, and or support me no matter what (thank you again, love you lot) i identify as.

Oh and i understand that there are so many! so many spectrums and other shit, so if you read all this, or just feel like im incorrect and ou are in fact more intelligent in this subject than me and try to tell me “that i am actually something else”, or “there is a better title for you” i wont listen right now, im fucking exhuasted okaying this post as is, ill check on myself and the wikipedia if I feel the need to. And if you do not beileive or disagree with any part of my coming out shtuff, talk to me directly, no need to hurt my supporters, followers, people i follow, random Tumblr users, and especially mutuals( I Love you guys! MWAH!). Message ME that im wrong or dont exist! not the people that had no idea this post was being done! give me your hate! im cool with it! I Will allow it!

Anyway! Happy mother fucking Halloween California! Have a safe and fun one this year! and everywhere else for that matter. 

#halloween #california #time #sexuality #me #coming out #identity #biological sex