#i miss it sometimes bc i felt like a person at least

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Hi! A bit of a weird ask here, hope you don't mind. (I swear it's not meant in bad faith)

So, I'm new to the fandom. I'd wanted to watch the show for a while and I finally found time. I did like it, and all the characters, esp Hen and Buck.

Even previous to watching it, I had seen many posts about Buddie. I didn't think much of it until I watched the show. And now I can say... I don't see it. Like, from Buck's side? Sure. But from Eddie's? Not so much.

They both clearly act like Christopher's co-parents a lot, and that's where I'm like "oh, maybe there IS something". But outside of that, I actually see their interactions as mostly platonic. And when I see people talk about it, I see mostly about how Eddie completely trusts Buck with his son (which I agree with and makes a good point), but not much else.

So, what am I missing? Sometimes some characters are harder for me to "read", so I know there could be stuff that I'm missing. What interactions do you see from them that are so clearly romantic (at least more so than they are platonic)? In which ways do you see Eddie showing feelings for Buck?

Sorry about such a long ask. This might be more of a rant (oops). I just really want to understand, bc everyone's so sure... and I'm not. (Also, thanks for reading if you got this far)

So i’m obviously not going to tell you thst your interpretation is wrong- art is subjective and your interpretation of things is completely valid.

that being said, to me i see myself in eddie in a lot of ways:

- only son in the family, so i had unrealistic expectations fixed on me about what my life as a “man” should look like (im not a man, im nonbinary but i was still amab so to my parents i’ve always been a ‘man’)

- raised in a very religious household where there were certain expectations on who i would one day marry and have a family with (because not getting married at all and never having kids was out of the question)

- i was repressed for years emotionally (and sexually) due to pressure from my parents/church and thought there was something “wrong” with me for the feelings i felt

- i often revert to anger as my default defense mechanism because i have repressed my emotions for so long (which is something i am working through in therapy)

so seeing those things i relate to reflected in eddie, it is easy for me to pick up on subtext (whether intentional or not) when it comes to his sexuality/feelings for Buck.

you mentioned eddie trusting buck with christopher— to me this is one of the clearest examples of eddie’s true feelings for buck because he completely trusts the most precious thing in his life with Buck, but he has never even come close to that same kind of trust with any of his romantic partners… even shannon he was apprehensive about letting her back into chris’s life. this means he trusts buck on a level he has never trusted anyone else before— and not to get into psychology, but often when people are repressed emotionally, they find ways to feed those feelings without overtly feeding them if that makes sense. so eddie giving chris (who is practically his whole heart) to buck is essentially eddie offering up his heart on a platter.

so that gets that one out of the way.

as for other examples… i am going to state again that eddie is more repressed than buck and doesn’t show emotion as easily as buck does so Buck’s attraction/feelings are going to be more clear-cut and obvious.

but i am constantly seeing examples of eddie’s feelings for buck interwoven subtly through things:

- crying over buck after the lightning strike when we had only ever seen him cry twice before

- the hurt in his face when buck said natalia was the only person who “saw” him

- the way that he gets overly jealous and acts petty around buck’s romantic partners (the most egregious being Taylor, but we have seen it happen in his other relationships as well)

- the fact that he has never been able to fully allow himself to have feelings for the women he’s dated

- he is looking for a mother figure (second parental unit for chris) but has already effectively filled that role with buck

- he is constantly looking at buck like he hung the stars and the sun and the moon

- he has only started going off the deep end of this fixation with shannon after buck came out to him, and he is onyl actively remembering their relationship as what he wished it had been rather than what it was— something i used to do back when i was still in denial about my sexuality was imagining this dream life where i was happily married to a woman because that is what i was supposed to want, not because it’s what i actually wanted

- eddie is the only one who has shown he understands buck’s recklessness is less him being reckless/thinking he’s unbreakable, but that it’s actually buck seeing himself as invaluable enough that getting hurt wouldn’t affect anyone around him

- one of my favorite scenes is post lightning-strike when eddie climbed the ladder and instead of trying to lower buck to the ground immediately, he initially tries to pull buck closer to him while screaming for him

the list could go on and on and if anyone else wants to leave their observations on eddie’s feelings for buck in the replies by all means please do! but these are just a few ways in which i have personally seen eddie’s devotion to buck portrayed in a light that is much deeper than a platonic level.

i hope this made sense and offers a new perspective for you, and i’m glad that even though you haven’t seen enough evidence in your own interpretation, your first instinct isn’t to jump down people’s throats to tell them they are wrong, but instead reaching out and asking for other opinions to better contextualize why us buddie shippers are so invested in these two!

(and never apologize for a long ask to me… if there’s one thing about me i love to yap lmao)

i hope you have a lovely day, anon!! 💕💕

#911 abc #eddie diaz #buddie #911 spoilers #911 #evan buckley #buddie 911 #buck and eddie #911 on abc

[fathermolecule]

i also really need a shirt that says "i survived a homoerotic obsessive codependent best friendship slash relationship in my more formative teen years and all ive got was this shirt"

#i feel a little stupid that im still not over it but in my honest defense it was like 3 years of continous insanity and us making the other #suicidal #like ive only started to think lately that huh. that was fucked up! that wasnt a normal thing to experience! #normal as in. not traumatic. i still dont like using that word as a descriptor #because i was not a victim in that situation #i was just as awful during it as she was we made each other worse #so for years i thought it cant be anything too bad. i deserved it even #since i was no better #but. im still affected by it lol.??? #so i guess it can count as traumatic. begrudingly #i miss it sometimes bc i felt like a person at least #very sad and miserable one and i did try to kill myself once but a person!! nowadays i just feel like a ghost #going through life. not feeling much of it #which is why i think my brain has been yearning for more self destructive habits #because that feels like home. i feel more myself than i feel on most days #and it feels bad to talk about it #like how would i even start. any time i have mentioned it to a friend i wanted to stab myself from the vulnerability #so how else can i get over it #vent

[thekidsarentalright]

i rly do think kintsugi kid hits incredibly different and deeper from the perspective as a chronically ill person than it ever would otherwise. absolutely guts me

#chronically ill either physically or mentally ofc both apply . as someone who is chronically ill both ways #it's like. god i could write a whole analysis of it from this perspective actually tags wont do it justice #just the lyric on the bright side got the wrong insides is enough for me to be like yeah. i literally do. i was made wrong. i am wrong. #and it is what makes me me and if i dont have that who am i without my flaws . if i dont have that what do i have. id miss it. god. #edit addition: also like the chemical haze part is esp heartbreaking from the perspective of a chronically ill person who at one point was #highly dependent on substances to help ease the pain and is a time period of my life that was awful yet sometimes i miss bc at least i felt #nothing. now i feel so much and it's better for me and i know that but sometimes. i miss it. #txt

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

[blueish-bird]

sorry if I don’t remember your name or conversations/experiences or basic things about myself, every few weeks my brain gets factory reset and I have to relearn how to be alive

#lighthearted but also serious bc what is going on here buddy #been feeling weird as hell these past few months #like I can remember some stuff… but it doesn’t feel normal to forget the names of anyone I haven’t seen/heard the name of in a few days #or forget about basic interests and personality traits and experiences and feel like a blank slate every day #idk like ultimately life goes on and I’m happy to live in the moment but it would be nice to understand why my brain is doing this #just thinking #meposting #I think my brain just. does this sometimes when I’m stressed. which is annoying #I recall (lmao) feeling similar during earlier parts of life so this isn’t *new* it’s just unexpected and much more disruptive as an adult #I’m feeling better about it than I was. after like. acknowledging it. bc my mind has not always felt like a sieve it isn’t always this bad. #whatever #I’ll tag as dissociation just in case it’s related/reminiscent and ppl don’t want to see that #dissociation #me and her go way back… haven’t seen each other in years though #she wasnt all bad! coping mechanisms can provide relief and a sense of safety #and as far as coping mechanisms go it’s not the most unhealthy. though it ranks high in ‘socially stunting’ #I kind of miss the distance sometimes to be honest everything’s just So Much all the time #I’m so solid now #so stuck in the ruts of capitalism #fuck capitalism #I wish my imagination didn’t feel so dulled #sorry I love talking #and I don’t miss dissociation when I feel mentally present because I feel so Here with the people and things I love but rn? #it’s like a lose-lose bc I am not Here nor am I untethered. I’m heavy yet hold nothing #I enjoy being dramatic/poetic about it — I feel pretty fine. I just hope this isn’t a permanent and/or long-term state of existence. #like it makes me awful at my job I went from remembering a solid amount of the student body’s names (built up over a few years) to. like 5. #overnight it felt like. like Stressful Thing happened and I went to work and I couldn’t remember anyone’s names. #can’t believe I have to start from fucking scratch AGAIN I’d be better off quitting and working at a different school #bc at least then my lack of knowledge/remembering is justified rather than strange and seemingly rude #I’m getting better now but at the beginning of this it was blue screen in my brain all the time

[coldvampire]

ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh #got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation #I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff #my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up #idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :( #wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment #so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference #which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes #idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ? #I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately #doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows #weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one #knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level #sucks. not much else to describe it as. #idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions #it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all #and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter?? #idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything #bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with #weird feeling. very weird feeling. #logging back off now dhjfkf

[mntcoronet]

*pause moment* hey why the fuck did I just realise that during high school, I felt like a fair number of my peers (from outside my friends group) treated me somewhat more "softly" or like a child than they would've done with other people. and why was that

#maggles ramblings #like idk if they were actually doing that or if that's just what i Felt was happening #but. when they'd have to talk to me for things; like short 'do this in pairs' stuff; i def felt like they treated me differently #like I'd point out something in the thing we were looking at and they'd go 'oh wow good observation!!' as if we weren't the same age #maybe they just acted differently cos they didn't wanna be doing it. which like sure. but man u could at least try to discuss the topic #or did i seem like too much of a shy little creature that only just learned human speech that they forgot i was competent enough to get A's #but hhh man idk. i never know how people perceive me that's the real issue here #i can sorta make estimations based on how they talk to me; i can tell well enough if someone just doesn't wanna keep talking to me #but that doesn't mean i can figure out WHY. but i do know that sometimes it feels like.. they pick up on something about me #like i can roughly tell whether the person talking to me still considers me Just A Normal Guy or if they've realised like 'hey... #this person doesn't quite Get It with regards to social/conversation stuff'. bc of the way they talk. but i still never know why!! #like sure every time i go have conversations with new people i feel like I'm just pretending to be A Normal Person yknow #and when other people who seem very socially competent Keep talking to me i just think oh wow you haven't figured it out yet that's wild #figured what out? idk that I'm just pretending i guess. about what? uh good question just pretending in general #pretending like i know what to say; that it feels completely Natural to talk like that; like I'm not mentally rating each of my actions #but then sometimes there's people i just feel like i don't have to do that around nearly as much. i swear i gravitate towards those ppl #but yeah it's just. it def feels like they know I'm Not Getting something when i talk to a lot of people. like they Know i missed a memo #and i don't even know what the memo is about; or whether I've gotten any of the previous memos or just absorbed the knowledge #by observing things. ya #ok im done with that train of thought i need to go and work on that au i accidentally stayed up till 2am last night thinking of ideas for

[strawberriandromeda]

Ough i just remembered I used to do intuitive readings. I wonder of any of those readings were ever accurate, i trust tarot more than my intuition tbh

#oh well #i was a younger person and believed in many things #sometimes i wonder if i really was intuitive #or if i just wanted to give people advice #i dont think its that bad bc my intentions were always to help ppl even if i didnt know how to do that #maybe i really did have a gift #but now im like a scientific atheist skeptic #the world really did feel my oyster though when i believed in those things #i miss it not going to lie #the world really felt so wonderful and big and open and full of possibilities #and i had confidence in my own powers and beliefs #and i thought i could go through anything #im terrified of making a fool out of myself and believing in lies #but if lies really did make me feel so happy and fulfilled... #then for what purpose does the truth bother to exist for? #mmmm those are dangerous thoughts #but still #i feel sad #like I'm looking back at a dreamy little lie wishing i could believe in it again #oh well at least i still think tarot and astrology works

[6ebe]

nearly finished black sails season 3 🤨🤨🤨

#some of the best dialogues and themes and questions raised of this whole show but the way it drags ? #they could have dropped 2 episodes I swear I need this season over 😭 #like I don’t have any huge complaints but I’m sure I would on rewatch #the pace just feels like it’s dragging #every silly annoying sideplot has a use bc the plot is dense and well constructed #I just feel like it could have been tighter idk #like I feel like this is the season I’ve enjoyed least so far #season 2 is above and beyond just absolutely stunning #s3 isn’t anywhere near BAD like sometimes it’s so GOOD and profound it catches me off guard but also ?? #I think I also care less for the plot #s2 had a gripping narrative arc AND personal arc with the flashback storyline and such #the stakes were smaller ? but that felt greater ? more grounded ? idk #I miss the emotional arc like sure I enjoyed flints su*cidal era but #the scenes with him and Miranda didn’t hit like I think they’re meant to sndhdjfkf #also Thomas isn’t even a ghost in this season he’s barely mentioned it’s like #grief begets grief. Miranda’s death would only make Thomas hurt more ? it’s weird she’s like #the only one being mentioned #ofc she’d be the greatest loss but it’s like. the loss of those who know him now is complete #the people who knew and cared for Thomas are all gone like it all tied up #and Thomas is nothing now except an occasional plot device #it’s like they’re trying to het-ify that whole thing trying to make us forget 😭🤣🤣 #ah well #no bc their whole continuing relationship was so much about THOMAS why is he not here #like sure don’t pay the actor but like mention smth ? 😭😭 other than ‘damn Thomas wanted this plot devise’ 💀 #OH AND. I want flint to be depressed again like I get having a purpose and doing violence distracts him and is what makes him function #but are we going to get no more conflict and emotion like give me sooooomething #I love the pretty words but I need some emotional connection #that’s a minor complaint bc it was great at the beginning of the season and I’m sure it’ll come back #it just feels like it petered out with no satisfactory conclusion

[writtnbyhan]

NFWMB.

PAIRING: bang chan x female!reader

TAGS: protective chan, idol!chan, non-idol!reader, established relationship.

WORD COUNT: 1945

PROMPT: person a gets into a heated argument with someone. person b starts threatening them, so person a picks up person b and carries/drags them out of the room before anyone gets hurt.

warnings: what the prompt says, lol — arguments (not between chan and reader). very very minor violence (arm grabbed), bruising, swearing. Let me know if I missed a warning.

author's note: well, baby's first post. I really hope someone likes this ? my goal is to participate in nanowrimo in my own way so expect weekly posts from yours truly. I was nervous about what to write about bc of it being my first post but I needed to write something or I'd never do it. starting with chan feels right, though I wish I can get to write more fluff soon 😭 this was fun tho! I really like protective and possessive chan&lt;3

You didn’t intend for him to hear. Mostly, because you thought you could handle things on your own, but also because you knew it would somehow end up like this.

You have been visiting the building where the boys work for as long as you remember being in their lives. It’s not your fault, given that they spend almost every waking moment there, working. And the one whose time was taken the most by it happened to be your boyfriend. It was a Saturday and he was working, which wasn’t uncommon, but it also wasn’t healthy. You let it slide sometimes, when you knew time was pressing on him and he needed to be there, for his own peace of mind. But everything was ready for the comeback, there was absolutely no reason for him to spend his weekend locked up in that so-familiar room.

So, you did the only logical thing: went there to drag him out, knowing only you where capable of doing so. No amount of puppy eyes from his kids could do what you could with just asking — you were his girlfriend, after all, it was expected that he’d have a soft spot for you.

You felt the problems creeping on you as soon as you stepped foot in the building. There were new people there, new workers. You hated when new staff started working, because they were still too nosy, and because they would ask too many question, some of which you wouldn’t be able to answer without one of the boys by your side to prove your credibility. It was okay, though, you could only imagine how many girls could go to the front desk and claim what was your truth — “I’m looking for my boyfriend”.

Luckily, the girl at the front desk, Sun Hee, already knew you. She only smiled at you when she saw you enter the building, and her tired smile should’ve been warning enough. You walked to her with a matching smile of your own, she knew you were there to pick up a overworking boyfriend, but you still needed to sign your name in the records.

“hi, lovely! what’s got you tired today?” you asked, curiosity so strong you couldn’t help asking.

“new staff’s first weekend. sometimes I wonder how they got hired in the first place”, she answers truthfully, sighing. She sends you a look you know it’s a warning — beware, idiots walking around feeling entitled!

You sigh, too. That’s going to be troublesome, especially today.

“hope I don’t get to met them today, at least until I find Chan. The boys didn’t warn me, or I would have brought one of them with me”

She showed a sympathetic smile, nodding.

“Prince charming is on studio 3, same as always”, she rolls her eyes playfully.

It says something about your overachieving boyfriend that not only the staff knows where he is all the time, but also that you have almost made friends with said staff. God, you needed to convince him to spend less time working.

After thaking Sun Hee and promising to chat more later, you walked to the elevator, setting to find Chan. You could amost picture him — black hoodie, black beanie hiding his messy curls, and headphones in. You smiled at the image in your head, a much too familiar one, one you loved so much.

Smile still present in your face, you stepped out of the elevator on the corresponding floor, checking different doors that had lights on. You were here to pick up Chan, yes, but you didn’t rule out finding Hyunjin or Felix overworking themselves too. The blondes were quick to follow their leader to the building any day, claiming they always “needed” the extra practice. Jeongin would be just as annoying as they were to you, if it wasn’t for his baby status, which meant everyone took a little more care of him (Minho more than anyone, checking that the boy didn’t overwork himself regularly).

Of course, checking every room as if you didn’t know where you were going to may have looked suspicious, you will give the man that. You were glad he was doing his job, just — well, maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe he was.

“Excuse me, miss, who are you and where are you going?” He was at least 30 cm taller than you, and he was almost as buff as Changbin. You weren’t intimidated at first, you knew your presence had been cleared for, you had a right to be there, and you had got through the entrance desk, so he must know you were allowed there, right? Maybe he was just trying to help.

“Oh, hi! I’m Y/N. I’m looking for my boyfriend and checking to see if one of his friends is here as well”, you explained.

He stepped closer, almost invading your personal space. You took two steps back.

“Who are you looking for?”, he was eyeing you as if you were suspicious, a threat even. You, who was dressed in a skirt and probably looked like a mouse next to him.

“My boyfriend”, you repeated, “Christopher Bang Chan. He is in one of those studio rooms”, you added matter-of-factly.

“Ma’am, I’m going to have to escort you outside. You shouldn’t be here.” The man said, loudly, like he wanted to be heard. Ah, you thought, he is one of the new ones. It was common, you have seen it happen one too many times — new staff is always trying to prove themselves as good.

You smiled, though you were a little intimidated now. After all, you were alone in a hallway with the man who kept getting closer.

“Why is that? I am allowed here”, you tried to keep calm.

“Look, I don’t know how you passed the front desk, but fans should not be inside the building!”, the man yelled at you, his arm reaching out until he could take you by the wrist, his hold tight enough to bruise.

“Hey! You’re hurting me, stop it. Let me go!” You started struggling, trying to force your arm out of the man’s hold.

“Stop fighting or I’ll call security”, he threatened. You were about to tell him to do so, you’d wait by him until security came there and showed the man that your info was in the system and you were, actually, allowed there. You didn’t get a chance, though, for your boyfriend’s voice reached your ears as soon as the man stopped talking.

“You let her go or I’ll call security myself”, Chan’s voice showed his anger, and as he got closer you saw the determined look in his eyes that made you worry a little. You didn’t doubt Chan was capable of hitting the man if he didn’t let you go right now.

The man, apparently, didn’t notice that, for he did not let go of your wrist.

“I’m so sorry, sir, I’ll have her removed from the building immediately, I don’t know how she got inside.” He was tugging at your wrist, to which you kept quiet. If you expressed how much it hurt, the situation could escalate more than you wanted it to.

“She got inside because she’s allowed to. Now, I said: let her go.” Chan’s voice was ice cold, almost spitting the words at the man’s face. Finally, your arm was free, and you rushed to take your own wrist so as to cover the red marks, evidence of the strong hold the man had on you.

“Why doesn’t she have a pass, then?”

“She doesn’t need one because she’s not a guest. Did you even care to ask about that or check the system? You know, that type of irresponsible behaviour could get you fired — you can’t just go around the building threatening and grabbing people by force!” Chan’s voice got louder near the end.

“It’s okay”, you quipped, putting a hand in Chan’s chest as an attempt to calm him down. He was protective, you knew as much, but he was also a lovely person who you knew didn’t want to get anyone fired. Still, you knew he’d do something like that for you if you asked for it.

That was a wrong move, apparently, because it meant letting him see the marks on your arm.

“what the fuck?” his words were whispered, but it was obvious the anger that came with them. “Man, what is wrong with you? You should have checked before bruising her arm like that! What gives you the right to decide who is and isn’t allowed here?! That’s the front desk’s job, if she’s on the fucking third floor, then I think it’s fucking obvious she passed security. I need your name for I will have to file a complaint about this, grabbing someone like this is violent and no excuse of security can make it right because you are not supposed to even touch here — if you think she is not allowed here, you call security, you do not bruise my girlfriend’s arm.”

Chan’s voice is loud, and he is so close to the man you could tell it is some kind of threat, or maybe show of strenght. The man’s jaw was tense, as if he was ready to argue with the idol himself. You looked around the hallway, not knowing what to do or how to stop this. The man that had grabbed your arm clearly felt too entitled for his own good, and you worried that he might try to turn things physical.

Lucky for you, he didn’t even get a chance to answer before you heard a door open and close quickly, someone rushing out of one of the practice rooms.

You think you have never been happier of seeing the freckles in Felix’s face.

“Chan, everything okay?” sunshine boy asked, putting his arm around you as soon as he was close enough. His voice seemed to get Chan out of whatever state he was in, for he took a few steps back, still not breaking eye contact with the other man.

“Yeah, this dude just grabbed y/n’s arm and bruised her wrist because it’s apparently his first week here and he already feels too entitled.”

Felix looks at you, looking for something in your eyes, before getting closer to his friend.

“Okay, let’s go grab our things and go home to see if she needs to put some ice on her wrist”. He doesn’t let Chan answer before taking his hand with his smaller one, intertwining his fingers and almost dragging him out of there. You’re quick behind them, taking Chan’s other hand to give him some peace of mind.

Felix looks back at you and you smile in thanks. You know your boyfriend is way too protective, but a situation like this had never happened before. It’s good to know he’d do anything to defend you, but you still didn’t want him to get in a physical fight in his workplace.

“Don’t you dare think this gets any of you out of the hook for working on one of your free days, boys.” You reprimand them, hands still intertwined while entering the studio. Chan’s calmer now, his cheeks blushed with what you guess is something akin to embarrassement; you know he doesn’t like getting like this, but sometimes his emotions overpower him. You kiss his cheek, deciding to not comment on the subject until he does so himself. After all, you achieved what you came here to do — collect whichever stray kid had wandered their way to work on a weekend and get them home.

#✿ . . cami writes #skz x reader #skz imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x you #stray kids scenarios #bang chan #bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #bang chan x female reader

[lovelettersfromluna]

☆ ★ Still Alive ☆ ★ {Ellie Williams x Reader}

Summary: Ellie Williams has been your best friend since the second grade, the two of you stuck by the hip since you were practically babies. What happens when she starts acting….strange all of a sudden?

an: Okay yes, I folded and I wrote an Ellie fic inspired by Jennifers body, it’s just 1000000x gayer, and a tiny bit different. Ellie is Jennifer and reader is Needy. That’s all I have to say. Just trust me, okay?

Warnings: SMUT! Buckle up bc this one is gonna be filthy, college!ellie and reader, angst, mean!ellie, angst bc your best friend is a basically a demon now, Ellie will kill anyone that crosses her sweet best friend, shy!reader, scissoring again bc it’s hot sue me idc, oral (r!receiving), fingering (r!receiving), I’m sorry but Ellie has fangs what do you want me to do? Let me know if I missed anything! (This isn’t proof read btw I’m sorry)

Part 2 can be read here!

Your best friend had been acting…strange

Ellie Williams had been your best friend since the first day of second grade. She spotted you immediately, her green eyes sparkling the second she caught eye of you swimming in the sea of second graders during recess. She made her way towards you, she told you how cool she thought your shoes were. To think someone as cool as she was thought that you were cool had almost felt like a joke in the beginning.

But it wasn’t a joke, and she had been by your side every day since. Even now that you were both in college together, she was with you.

Except, she wasn’t. Not right now at least. Ellie had been making herself scarce for about a week now, which was not at all like her. Even if she wasn’t feeling well, she’d text you whining until you were at her apartment with everything you needed to nurse her back to health, calling her your big baby.

But all you got was radio silence. It was almost as if she didn’t even exist at certain points. Every attempt you made at trying to reach out at her were in vain, as you were left with nothing on the other side. You even tried showing up at her apartment, a stack of notes that she had missed pressed between your arm and your chest, and brownies from her favorites bakery stuffed in your bag, but still,

Nothing.

What was even worse, was that everyone was coming to you regarding her absence.

Ellie had always been the more popular one of the two of you. Her presence just…attracted others, she was like a magnet. And how could she not be? She was so fucking charming sometimes it felt like she wasn’t real. She had the prettiest smile, and green eyes that sparkled from the moment you first set eyes on them. Everyone who saw her was enamored by her, and you’d never blame them for it.

And it was no secret that you were best friends. You were always close by her, trailing behind like a lost puppy. Ellie always assured you that she liked it that way, that you felt like home to her.

But in instances like this, it was a problem.

You had nothing to say to the people who asked you for her, simply giving them a half shrug and an apologetic smile when you told them you were just as confused about her disappearance as they were. The only thing that truly kept you from filing a missing persons report was that her landlord said she had been in touch with her.

But what really pissed you off, were the girls.

Ellie had always been popular with them, even back in grade school, she had girls swooning over her every time she outran the boys during track, or when she flashed them a particularly bright smile. It was something you thought you’d gotten used to, pushing down the jealousy that came with the countless pretty girls that would interrupt your conversations with your best friend.

But after the fifth girl came to you, twisting her pretty hair between her fingers as she asked you for Ellie, you realized it still fucking bothered you.

You carried on though, getting through all of the attention you had been getting by the end of the week. You were a good student, quiet, smart, a professors dream in all honesty. You used it to your advantage, distracting yourself with your studies so that you wouldn’t worry too much about your best friend.

You had finally gotten back to your apartment on Friday after your last class, a low sigh blowing past your lips as you pressed your back up against your front door once it was closed. You tossed your keys to the side, slowly peeling your jacket off of your tired body as you went about getting comfortable in your home.

You had showered and gotten yourself something to eat, and now you were on your bed, cuddled up with Angel, your precious little calico kitty. These days it was like she was the only one that was around to take up the attention you had to give.

Your hand was stroking between her ear gently, her soft purrs making you feel drowsy. Your eyes were heavy, and you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and forget about the sinking feeling that came with the sudden disappearing of your dear friend.

A loud banging against your door made you flinch.

You frowned as you sat up, staring in the direction of where the loud, persistent noise was coming from. Angel stared in the same direction as well, her meowing growing louder, as if she sensed something behind the door that you didn’t, something dangerous.

You shushed her gently, giving her a gentle pet as if to reassure her as much as you could before you grabbed your phone. It was already past midnight, and you sure as hell didn’t invite anyone over, let lone expect anyone to just show up.

You gave it a minute longer, hoping that whoever was there simply had the wrong apartment number and would soon realize, leaving before they could bother you any further.

But the knocking didn’t stop.

It was loud, and persistent, and eager to get in, and for a moment you felt as though you really were in danger.

You inhaled deeply, your eyebrows furrowed as you got off of your bed and walked out into your living room, staring at your front door with every move you made. You obviously weren’t an idiot, so you grabbed the nearest weapon you could use to stun whoever it was that so desperately needed to get into your home, which happened to be a spare hanger that was in the closet near your front door.

You gripped it in your hand tightly, inhaling deeply before you unlocked the door and opened it harshly, ready to knock out whoever was behind it.

You weren’t totally sure what you expected, but it surely wasn’t your best friend standing on the other side.

Your best friend who had been missing for the past week, who couldn’t even respond to your text messages with a simple confirmation that she was in fact okay, your best friend who you had been worried sick over for days on end, your best friend that looked like your best friend but also didn’t at the same time…

Her eyebrows were furrowed as she looked down at you, green eyes piercing through your own as she took you in. You were about to go to sleep, and she could tell by your little pajama shorts and your fuzzy socks that you reserved for Friday nights only, something about treating yourself after a long week rung through her ears as she recalled the night she asked you why you wore them.

The breath that you had been holding in your lungs blew past your lips, sighing in relief as you finally let your posture fall. You weren’t sure if you were relieved that it was her, or if you were relieved at the fact that she wasn’t a fucking axe murderer waiting to chop you up into little pieces.

“Jesus…Ellie? What…what the fuck are you doing here?” You questioned breathlessly as you brushed your hair off of your face, far too winded to even ask her where she’d been yet.

Ellie smirked softly as she watched you, a low chuckle leaving her chest as her eyes trailed down to the hanger in your hand. “Is that a hanger?”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion at her comment, almost taken aback at the fact that she wasn’t responding to your question before your eyes followed hers, and you looked down at the hanger in your hand. You rolled your eyes, a soft huff leaving your lips before you hung it back up and promptly stepped aside for her to come into your home.

“You were knocking on my door like the fucking feds…or..I dunno, Michale Myers or something? God Ellie what the hell is wrong with you? It’s almost 1 in the morning”. She simply smiled down at you while you scolded her, her large palm pressing against your front door as she closed it. God she had missed you, her chest was practically blooming with happiness as she watched you walk over to your fridge without another word, grabbing her a bottle of water before you returned with it and held it out for her, that adorable frown she loved so much still playing on your lips.

She licked her lips, her large hand wrapping around the bottle before she gently set it down on the coffee table next to you both. She hummed, bending her knees a bit before she wrapped her long arms around your waist, pulling you flush to her body and almost off of the ground. Her face pressed against the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply as her eyes fluttered shut, groaning softly.

“Missed you so much Bambi…”

Anymore scolding that you had for her was caught in your throat the second you felt those arms wrap around your body and pull you into her, the familiar nickname she had given you when you were far younger making your insides warm up. Your cheeks burned red, simply letting her take you into her before you sighed softly, your own eyes fluttering shut as you wrapped your arms around her neck, realizing then just how much you had missed her too.

“Where’d you go El….you wouldn’t even text me back..” You huffed out, your fingers toying with the hair at the nape of her neck. She smiled against yours, knowing all too well that you were pouting from the mere sound of your little huffs and whines.

She licked her lips, feeling how much her absence has affected you. She held you for a bit longer, the two of you swaying a bit in the middle of your home as she let herself enjoy you for a bit longer before she spoke.

“I was…um…I got sick…bad cold” She nodded to herself, trying to reassure you.

But you weren’t having it.

You frowned as you pulled away from her, pushing her back by her shoulders as you stared up at her, not buying her excuse for one second. “Then why didn’t you call me? You knew I’d come and take care of you…”

Ellie hated when you looked at her like that. You weren’t mad or disappointed, it was like you were pleading with her. Begging her to just let you help her. And the thing about it, Ellie loved when you babied her, she almost looked forward to getting sick because she knew you’d drop everything and tend to her every need, making sure she got better as soon as humanely possible.

But this…god this was so different than any of those times before.

She licked her lips as she stared down at you, one of her hands coming up to cup your cheek gently, her thumb rubbing over the soft skin before she shook her head. “Didn’t want you getting sick Bambi…this one was just…really bad” She groaned out, making it sound like it really was that bad.

You sighed, because it wasn’t your job to take care of her. You weren’t obligated to do anything for Ellie, and her you. She didn’t owe you anything, and she sure as hell didn’t have to tell you every time she was sick. She wasn’t yours, and you weren’t hers, and this entire situation made that very clear to you.

You’d be lying if you said it was nice to ignore.

You sighed, giving into her as you gave her a gentle nod. The hand on your cheek made your heart burst, feeling like you could cry at any moment, it made the feelings worse.

Ellie had always been touchy with you, your friendship being one that crossed those lines time and time again. You would never shy away from her, and her hands were almost always on you from the moment you could remember.

But why did this all feel…different? Why did her gaze feel so intense, why did it feel like she wasn’t looking at you, but right through you. Like you were something to own, like you were hers.

You figured it was just a lack of her presence for so long, maybe she always looked at you like that and you just never noticed, maybe she looked at all her friends that way.

Regardless of it all, Ellie was back, and you were so fucking happy for that.

Ellie beamed the second she saw your features soften, and she knew that you had given into her. She tugged her bottom lip beneath her teeth as she smiled down at you, her thumbs rubbing circles into your waist as she kept you pressed against her body, a low hum leaving her lips. “You wanna go to a party with me tonight?”

Your eyes widened a bit at her question before you sighed, pulling her hands from around your waist and leaving her in your living room. It was typical Ellie behavior to try and drag you to one of the many frat parties that she attended. It just…wasn’t your thing. You were a home body through and through, you preferred staying inside in the comforts of your own home, cuddling with your cat while you allowed your brain to rot while watching cheesy reality tv shows.

That and…watching Ellie flirt with girls at those parties was just…you couldn’t stand to watch it.

You refused to be the friend that held her back from doing what (or who) she wanted to do, so you didn’t. You always passed up on her offers to those parties, figuring that if you didn’t see it, it wasn’t happening.

It didn’t stop her from attempting though, and the current fire in her eyes was determined to get you to finally come with her.

You sighed as you made your way into your room, Ellie following close behind and watching your every move. You crawled onto your bed, your cotton shorts giving Ellie the perfect view of your ass, causing her to cock her head to the side and shamelessly check you out.

You laid back on your bed, pulling Angel, who had weirdly been on high alert from the moment Ellie had stepped inside of your home, into your lap. You frowned as you looked down at your kitten, her hair raised and eyes slanted as she eyed Ellie’s every move. You pet her gently, trying to calm her down before you pulled her down to cuddle into your chest, grabbing your remote control and turning on your tv.

“M’not going anywhere tonight El…I’ve already showered and brushed my teeth and…I’m just not in the mood to party and get drunk right now” you huffed out, grabbing the plush throw blanket on your bed and draping it over your body, cuddling further into yourself and your cat as your attention was settled on the tv.

Ellie tilted her head back as she whined, mimicking a child throwing a tantrum as she sat at the edge of your bed, her hand slipping underneath your blanket and grabbing a handful of your plush thighs, giving it a firm squeeze.

“Come on..you never go anywhere dude, I can’t stand the people that go there…would be so much better if you came…” Her words trailed off as she pushed your blanket back a bit, needing to see the way your thighs spilled out of her grip as she massaged your skin.

You whined softly, the cool air of your room hitting your skin, but quickly being replaced by the feeling of Ellie’s large hands pawing at your legs. You sighed, turning towards her a bit and giving her better access to you before you shook your head, knowing she wouldn’t let this go without somewhat of a compromise.

“If I tell you I’ll go to the next one, will you drop it?” You practically pleaded, knowing the girl all too well for these games. She’d massage you and caress you until you were putty in her hands, getting you to do whatever it was that she wanted.

She flashed that beautiful smile your way as she finally broke her attention away from your legs, nodding eagerly. Now this, this was progress. Never had Ellie gotten you to promise her something like this, and it made her insides burn with excitement.

You giggled softly as you watched her beam like a kid, making your heart warm up at the sight. You rolled your eyes playfully before you pressed your hand against her chest, pushing her away playfully. “Fuck off…go, have fun tonight…text me when you’re home?” You questioned as you looked up at her, feeling that same sense of anxiety that you felt when you hadn’t heard from her for the entire week.

You had just gotten her back, she needed to know how important that was to you.

Her large hand grasped your wrist gently as it was pressed against her chest, staring down at you as you practically begged her to touch base with you when she got home. She hummed, staring down at you as her fingers caressed your skin gently, your hand emitting warmth against her skin before she nodded.

“Always baby…I’ll see you later, okay?” She assured you with a firm nod, causing you to smile up at her. You gave her a soft noise of agreement before she leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to her head and letting herself out of your apartment.

You sighed as you watched her leave, your heart sinking once her presence was no longer there with you. Once you heard the click of your front door, you fell back into your soft bed, unable to shake the new, uneasy feeling that came with seeing her.

You thought the following week with Ellie being back would be easier.

It wasn’t.

After the bizarre incident that happened with her banging on your door at one in the morning, you didn’t see her for the rest of the weekend. She texted you nonstop, more so than usual, but her physical presence was once again an enigma. Although she wasn’t completely gone as she was before, the lack of actually seeing her was doing your head in, and you had no idea how to actually bring it up to her.

You expected to brush it all off on Monday morning. You’d wake up for class and Ellie would be waiting for you in the courtyard as usual, like she always did because she was just Ellie, your Ellie, no different than before.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

When you got to your college campus, it seemed as though Ellie’s disappearing act was still in full swing, because she wasn’t there waiting for you. There was someone waiting for you though.

There was one bit of attention that you received during the week of Ellie’s absence that wasn’t directly associated with Ellie, not entirely at least.

Amber was in a few of your classes, and she seemed nice enough. You’d never spoken to her long enough to fully know her, but in the small exchanges that you had with her, you knew she was nice.

She had made her way to you in the middle of the week, noticing that you had been eating lunch alone in the courtyard, or perched up against a tree listening to music or reading. It came to a surprise to you when she wasn’t asking about Ellie, but instead about you. She was sweet, and funny, and as selfish as it may have sounded, she was someone to talk to while Ellie had practically abandoned you.

You couldn’t help but blush softly once she looked in your direction, giving you an excited wave and a small smile as she patted the spot next to her on the bench she was sat at.

“Hey stranger, was waiting for you” She smiled softly, causing you to giggle softly as you sat down next to her. Amber was nice to be around, she made it easy for you. You preferred to listen, and she always had so much to say to you, or about you, complimenting your outfit for the day, or brushing strands of hair from your face.

She was in the middle of asking you how your weekend went, and you opened your mouth to tell her how it was, quiet and uneventful as usual.

But a dark, looming presence cut your words short.

Like a dark, grey cloud, Ellie stood over you both, and she looked terrible. The radiant light that she had emitted on Friday was gone, instead replaced by dull eyes, rimmed with dark bags. Her lips were dry, and the color had been drained from her face, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d think that the awful cold she was telling you about was back to harass her.

Your eyes widened as you stared up at her, worry filling your chest at how fucking tired she looked. “Ellie? I…are you okay? You look awful. Do you have a-“ she cut off your words, her eyes boring holes through Amber’s skull as she towered over the both of you.

“Who the fuck are you?” Her words were harsh, and pointed and it sounded like Amber had done something horribly wrong, when all she had done was have a conversation with you.

“Ellie what the hell! Amber I’m so sorry I-“ your attention was turned towards Amber as you rushed out an apology, feeling like things could go south at any moment. Ellie looked fucking mad, and something inside of you told you that you wouldn’t play with her right now.

“Amber? Amber? Who the fuck is Amber?” Her tone was pointed, but this time it was directed towards you. Anyone walking by would assume that you had been caught cheating on your girlfriend, and her accusing tone didn’t do anything to make it sound any different. Your eyes widened in disbelief as you finally stood up, pressing your hand against the fuming girls chest to try and put some sort of distance between the two of them, as Amber was clearly just as confused as you were.

“I’ll…talk to you guys later…” Amber mumbled awkwardly, giving you a small apologetic smile before she rushed off towards her first class of the day.

You were too busy to give her anything but a quick wave and a smile before your attention was turned back towards the angry girl that stood before you.

You were filled with anger, and worry, because not only did your best friend speak to someone in a tone that they did not deserve, but she looked half fucking dead.

Her eyes trailed Amber like she was ready to kill, watching her every move until she was completely out of view. She felt your soft hand against her cheek, trying to pull her back down to you. When she finally did look down at you, the look in your eyes made her heart crack.

You were practically begging her to tell you what was wrong, because so many weird things had been happening. And you had enough.

Before she could even understand, you were dragging her across campus. The sun was so fucking bright, and she was so fucking hungry, and seeing you with Amber made her fucking blood boil.

And don’t even get her started on how good you smelled.

She couldn’t focus on anything other than the empty feeling in her stomach, the feeling nagging at her to be noticed, to be acknowledged, the only thing able to distract her from it was the anger she felt when she saw you settled next to a girl that wasn’t her, bare legs on display for them, why the hell were you even wearing a skirt? Did you want Amber to notice? Did you wear it specifically for her? Did you have a crush on her-

Her racing thoughts were cut off when she felt that you had both stopped. She blinked a few times, her blurry eyes taking in her surroundings. You had brought her to the library, tucked away in the very ends of it where no one would find you. You were staring up at her, arms crossed over your chest as you waited for something, anything, from her.

She gave you a lazy shrug. “What?”

Your eyebrows furrowed, mimicking her lazy shrug. “Seriously? That’s all you have to fucking say to me? Ellie, why did you yell at Amber that way? And why the fuck do you look half dead?? Are you sick again? Why don’t you tell me what’s going on!” Your voice grew louder and louder with each words you spoke, feeling your anger rise.

Ellie groaned softly as she shushed you, knowing she didn’t need anymore attention than she had already been getting. Plus, the pounding in her head wasn’t helping either.

Ellie sighed softly, watching as you waited for her response. She knew she couldn’t keep lying to you, she was acting out and she knew that you could read her like the back of your hand.

“I just…have a headache, okay? I didn’t sleep well last night” It wasn’t entirely a lie, she really did have a headache, and she didn’t sleep a goddamn wink the night before.

You huffed out, clearly still not satisfied with the answers that she was giving you. You felt like calling them answers was too forgiving when they were barely that.

“Okay cool. That settles your appearance, but what about your behavior. What makes you think you can talk to people that way Ellie? What makes you think you can talk to me that way?” You questioned, once again begging for some sort of clarity from the girl, one that she was proving time and time again she could not provide.

She felt ashamed, small under your pleading gaze. She knew she owe it to you, and she knew you didn’t deserve what she was dishing out to you.

But the mere thought of you talking to Amber made her seethe, and she felt the anger return in the blink of an eye. She was irritated with everything, everyone, even you, because what makes you think you can just do that in front of her? Have you learned nothing? Do you know nothing?

She’s angry, and she can’t stop the words that are leaving her mouth.

“Because you’re too fucking stupid to see when someone is using you”

You’re not sure what you expect her to say, but it sure as hell wasn’t that.

Her words make your mouth close instantly, because you truly don’t trust yourself enough to know that anything else that leaves yours will be sensible.

The look in your eyes makes Ellie’s heart tug, and she knows she’s done it, she’s forced you to put up those walls that she had taken down herself throughout her entire friendship with you. But for some reason, she can’t find it in herself to stop.

“Don’t give me that fuckin look, it’s true and you know it. Everyone knows it. They all came to you when I wasn’t here because they see the way you follow me like a fucking child, she was using you to get to me just like they were” lies, it was all lies and Ellie fucking knew that. Amber liked you, and everyone except for you could see that. Amber had never had any sort of dealings with Ellie and she never wanted to, she wanted an opening to talk to you, and she saw it when you weren’t by Ellie’s side.

And that pissed Ellie off.

She struck a nerve, she knew that. Your eyes began welling up with tears, filling up like big swimming pools. You bit your lip to hold it back, you refused to cry in front of her, especially when she was the one that did this to you.

You inhaled deeply before you gave her a small nod. “Okay Ellie….” Was all you could truly say. She’d said all she had to, and you heard her loud and clear. You were a burden, and she had just confirmed that.

Ellie wanted to reach for you, and pull you into her body and tell you that it was all okay. But the damaged had been done, she had said what did and there was no going back from it.

Not to mention, she didn’t fully trust herself to hold you in her arms right now.

The small sniffles she heard when she rushed past her and out of the library was the nail in the coffin, and she let out a low sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose, the pounding in her head getting harder and harder to ignore.

She needed to fucking eat.

You were avoiding Ellie like the plague.

You’d managed to get by throughout the week without seeing her. Ellie had messaged you the same night after the incident at the library, but you were too exhausted to even care. Her words still echoed in your head.

Because you’re too fucking stupid to see when someone is using you

You winced, the tone of her words making you feel so fucking worthless. You huffed as you stared up at your ceiling, holding back the tears that would spill passed your cheeks and wet your pillow anyways.

You couldn’t wait to come back home after everything happened, wanting nothing more than to just crawl into your bed and ignore everything that had happened.

And you did, you went too and from class without saying a single word to anyone. Anytime you’d caught Ellie staring at you from across the room you’d ignore it, and keep your head down until you were in the clear.

What you did do however, was text Amber.

Amber had done a great job at distracting you from the horrible things your best friend said to you. You were devastated, and you realized while muting Ellie’s messages that Amber had given you her number within the week that Ellie wasn’t there. So you took advantage of it.

You were too miserable to talk to anyone in person, but the warm glow of your phone reflecting onto your face was enough to fill the small void that had become present within the week.

Texting Amber is actually what got you in the position you were in now.

It was Friday night, and you were stood in front of your mirror, smoothing down the clothes that gripped your body. You wore a pleated denim skirt that was far too short, watching yourself in the mirror alone was enough to make you feel shy. The black baby tee that you wore hugged you perfectly, leaving a sliver of skin revealed right below your shirt and above your skirt. You turned around, eyeing yourself and thinking about how ridiculous you looked, and how rifidi you’d this all was.

And the fact that Ellie would be there.

This was the party you had promised her you’d go with her to, and you were going with Amber, the girl she had yelled at in front of you for simply speaking to you.

You shook the thoughts away, fluffing out your hair and reapplying your favorite lip liner before you grabbed your black boots and zipped them onto your feet, grabbing your phone and leaving your apartment without another thought.

Before you knew it, you were stood outside of the godforsaken frat house you had been dreading all week.

You sent Amber a quick message before you locked your phone and made your way inside.

It was dark, purple and blue lights reflecting off the bodies that were smooshed together. The smell of sweat, weed and alcohol assaulted your nose, and the loud music was so strong that it made you feel like your insides were shaking, and you remembered why you hated the party scene so much.

You sighed as you squeezed passed them all, your hands gripping the ends of your skirt to keep yourself from flashing anyone.

You made your way into the kitchen, letting out a sigh of relief to see that it wasn’t as packed as the main area of the large house. You needed breather, because it was all hitting you slowly. You didn’t want to be there, and you almost always avoided places like this because this wasn’t your scene.

It was Ellie’s, and the idea that she was there at the party made you feel even worse.

You needed to distract yourself, and eventually find Amber. You turned around, grabbing a red solo cup and mixing equal parts of flat soda and whatever cheap liquor was available to you before you took a big gulp down, wincing at the sharp taste evading your taste buds.

You turned around, your butt pressed up against the counter as you babysat your drink, eyes drifting towards different people that came in and out of the kitchen. You were almost done, and you had almost completely convinced yourself to get up and leave, until you saw a familiar face beaming your way.

Amber.

You sighed in relief as she made her way towards you, her arms slipping around your waist and tugging you closer to her body. The alcohol already had you feeling warm, and the feeling of someone else pressed up against you made you feel even warmer. You giggled softly as she pulled back, hissing softly as she bit her lip.

“Fuck you look good…where have you been hiding all this, hm?” Her words made you blush, and you nudged the girl playfully before she grabbed your hand, interlocking your fingers as she nodded her head ti the dance floor. “Shall we?”

You gave her a nod, cheeks burning red as you threw back the remaining alcohol in your cup before you let her lead you out.

Suddenly, the party didn’t feel all that suffocating, and neither did your thoughts. It felt easy, like breathing. Ambers hands were pressed up against your waist, pulling your ass flush against her friend as she guided you to grind against her to the heavy beat of the music, and you fucking liked it.

You liked being here without Ellie, being your own person, with your own thoughts and your own wants and needs. Gone were the days where you were her shadow, following behind the girl you desperately wanted more with just for her to say the things she said to you the last time you spoke. You felt like you were floating on air, your hands reaching behind you and tugging at ambers hair, pulling her closer to your neck that she was attacking with kisses.

You almost keeled over and died when you caught sight of the piercing eyes that were tracking you from across the room.

There she was, in all of her glory, Ellie fucking Williams. Your best friend was sat on a couch across from the dance floor, a pretty girl settled on her lap, nipping and tugging at her neck very similarly to the way Amber was doing to yours, and she looked like she wanted to fucking kill someone.

Her radiance had returned, no longer looking frail and ill, but instead beaming like a goddess who had come down the golden steps from the sky and gracing the presence of you mere mortals, if only for a second allowing you to bask in her beauty.

You felt your heart get stuck in your throat with the way she looked at you, her large hand gripping her solo cup so tightly you were sure she’d destroy it if she held it that way any longer. Her eyes made you whimper, and Amber must have assumed it was her making you whine because she smirked against your neck.

“Hmm…you wanna move this party upstairs baby?” Her question caught you off guard, and it took a small squeeze on your hip to break away from Ellie’s intense gaze. You gave her a small hum in response before she chuckled against you. “I said, do you wanna move this-“

Her words were cut off by a very familiar presence next to you.

You weren’t sure if you were drunk out of your mind, or if Ellie really had just crossed the entire house in half of a second, but all of a sudden she was no longer on the couch, and instead she was towering over both you and Amber.

Amber is rolling her eyes once she pries her lips away from your soft skin, staring up at Ellie as she keeps your body pressed against hers. “Are you fucking kidding me man? How many times are you gonna cock block, Williams?”

Ellie is visibly seething, her arms crossed over her chest as she stares down at you both. Her eyes drift towards the way Amber is gripping your hips, and the way your hands slowly drop down from her hair, and she wants to fucking kill someone.

“Leave before I fucking make you Amber”. Her voice is deep, and raspy, most likely from smoking all night. The mere sight of her is making you wet, because she’s glowing like she usually does and she looks like your Ellie again but just….more.

Amber sighs as she gently pushes your body away from hers, her own arms crossing over her chest as she steps closer towards Ellie, silently challenging her as she smirked. When she opens her mouth to say something, Ellie is already placing her palm on her forehead and harshly pushing her back.

Amber stumbles backwards a bit, catching her footing and staring up at Ellie, ready to push back with a punch of her own.

But the look in Ellie’s eyes is fucking scary, you both see it.

Her eyes are dark and low and she almost looks like a fucking animal under the dark light of the house, chest heaving as she watches Amber, ready for everything that she’s going to give her.

But she doesn’t, because she’s scurrying away like a little mouse, and Ellie is smirking in victory as she watches her.

You watch in disbelief as Amber scurries off, and you figure that’ll be the last time you ever hear from her.

You step in front of Ellie, staring up at her with wide eyes, because you truly cannot believe what she’s doing to you.

“Im fucking over this Ellie. You ignore me for an entire week, leave me worried sick about you, then you show up at my house in a weird manic state telling me I need to come to a party with you, and then the following Monday you’re making me fucking cry in a library because of how pathetic you said I am, and now I’m not even allowed to dance with a girl at a party?” Your words were fast, angry babbles leaving your lips as you stared up at her.

And her heart is tugging at the sight of you, because this is the first time she’s been able to talk to you in a week and you’re close to tears, again, and she fucking hates herself for it.

But she also can’t ignore how fucking good you look. Your skirt is hugging your plush hips so well, and it’s making her want to reach out and grab so fucking badly, because she expected this night to go so differently. She wanted to have a good night with you, hold you, tell you how much she wanted you.

And tell you how she had been through literal hell and back within the last two weeks.

Ellie had become a monster because of stupid fucking dare, and she didn’t know how to explain it to you. She didn’t know how to explain to you that the insatiable hunger she had for women could only be satisfied by you.

But you were still staring up at her, waiting for answers that she couldn’t give because she had dug herself into a hole too fucking deep to give you any answers.

So she did the only thing that had been on her mind for the last two weeks, and most likely ever since she had met you. She grabbed you.

She grabbed your wrist and pulled you up the stairs of the frat house to one of the spare rooms that was there, thanking whatever invisible force that was listening that not only was the room clean, but it was empty.

She ignored your whines and huffs as you tried tugging your way out of her grasp, because she knew it was now or never.

When she closed and locked the door behind you, you didn’t even have any time to scold her any further, because her strong hands were gripping your waist and her lips were on yours.

She swallowed the gasp that you let out, your eyes fluttering shut the second you tasted her, she tasted of weed, whiskey, and mint, and you quickly found yourself wanting more of it, because it was authentically her.

You whined against her, tugging at the hair at the nape of her neck as she kissed you desperately. Her tongue was pushing into your mouth and you suddenly felt dizzy, the sudden shift of your entire friendship was too much to handle. Going from not hearing from your best friend at all to having her tongue down your throat was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol that you as consumed earlier.

“Ellie…Els s-slow down…” you moaned out, yet your lips moving against hers said the complete opposite. You burned for her, your body screaming for her hands to be all over you all at once.

You could feel her smirk against your lips, made you whine. She was being so fucking smug, and it made you want her more. You were tugging at her shirt, any anger you had in your body gone, now replaced with the desperate need that you had for her, burning you from the inside out. “Tell me what you want baby..anything…I’ll do anything for you”

Her words were genuine, making you feel light headed. She made it sound like she’d go to the ends of the earth for you, crossing the seven seas for you, whatever you fucking wanted, she’d give it to you.

You moaned softly, confidence coursing through your veins as you grabbed her wrist, guiding her to cup your clothed pussy, letting her feel how wet you were. “Here…need you here Els…please…” you whined out.

Ellie groaned, feeling that familiar animalistic desire fill her up to the fucking brim. Her hunger was usually in her stomach, empty and annoying, but now, with you, she felt it pulsing against her cunt.

“Fuck…come here baby…lemme take care of you…” She walked you back towards the bed, her chest pressed against yours, she kept going until the back of your knees were pressing against the bed and forcing you to sit down on it for her.

You whined softly as you stared up at her in awe, feeling your heart burst with how fucking pretty your best friend looked standing above you. She used her knee to push your legs apart, spreading them further for her before she crawled towards you, pressing her lips against yours once again as she pushed you to sit back further on the bed.

“Lemme make it up to you Bambi…yeah?” Her words made you moan, and you nodded eagerly. For a minute her words from the library were flashing through your mind again your heart tugged, but the attention she was giving you now was truly making up for it.

She kissed down your body, pushing your shirt up and revealing your pretty nipples for her. She hissed, latching her lips around one of them as her hand pressed between your legs, feeling up the wet cotton of your panties.

You were like a dream, your moans and whines making her feel like it wasn’t even real for a moment. The small gasp you let out when she pushed your panties to the side was like music to her ears. You pouted softly when you felt her smirk against, your patience growing thinner and thinner with every passing moment.

“More Ellie..please…fuck…please” you begged, and Ellie wanted nothing more than to please you. She tugged your panties to the side, letting her long fingers dip into your soaked heat.

“Fuck…pussy is so fucking warm for me baby…my perfect fucking girl…gonna be dripping down my fingers if I waited any longer huh?” She questioned. You nodded eagerly, watching her with hazy, lust filled eyes. She reached that familiar spongy spot inside of your cunt and you were sure you were close to tears

Her words were too much, and the feeling of her long fingers, knuckle deep inside of your pussy had you a mess, a mess just for her, and something about that finally satisfied the hunger that she felt all the time.

She began kissing down your body, needing to feel more of you against her. She wanted to be filled up to the brim with you, her senses absolutely overwhelmed with you.

The sight of her slotted between your legs made you moan softly, your eyebrows furrowed as you watched her, a needy moan leaving your throat as your hand came down to tug at her hair gently.

Ellie let out a low groan when she caught sight of your pussy, licking her lips as she pressed her hands against your thighs, spreading you further.

“Fuck…would’a look at that…can practically see you throbbing for me baby…so wet and needy…fuck…lemme taste you baby…” she sighed out, her words muffled as she pressed her plump lips against your soaked core.

Your back arched almost painfully once you felt her skilled tongue flicking your clit back and forth. The feeling was so foreign yet so familiar, as if the girl belonged there, as if she was made to please you.

And she felt the exact same, the feeling of your hands tugging at her hair was like the purest ecstasy she had ever felt. Her green eyes staring up at you as she latched her lips to your weeping pussy, keeping her mouth suctioned onto you as you began grinding against her face.

She wanted to drown in you, she was even sure that if you suffocated her with your thighs, she’d been totally fine with it. Her hands gripped your thighs tightly, stopping you from running away as you wriggled beneath her, unable to deal with the pleasure that she was giving you.

But she gave you no choice but to take it. Her lips were latched onto, making your back arch as you felt yourself cumming all over her face.

Her eyes were rolling to the back of her head as she moaned into you, and it was almost like she was the one that was experiencing the most electrifying orgasm that she had experienced in her entire life, and not you.

The pleasure was soon swapped out with an overwhelming feeling of sensitivity that was consuming you with every flick of her tongue. “Ellie…mmm…fuck..come here…wanna kiss you…please..” you whined out.

Her lips unlatched from your pussy with a pop, and it prompted you to whimper softly. Her face was soaked with your arousal, but her eyes were filled with pure love and adoration as she crawled her way up to you, pressing a sweet kiss to your lips. The taste of yourself made you moan, and Ellie was already pushing her tongue into your mouth and prepping you for what else she had planned.

Her words were muffled against your lips, as she didn’t want to leave your mouth for even a few seconds. “Can you give me one more baby? Wanna fuck you….can you do that for me baby?” You whined softly against her, already nodding and tugging at her top.

“Want it…fuck…I can do it I promise…please Ellie…” you sighed out, your hand slipping underneath her shirt and giving her nipple a soft pinch. She hissed softly at the feeling before she nodded, pressing another kiss to your lips. “That’s my girl…lay back for me baby…” She moaned out, her hands massaging your thighs as she gently pushed you back to lay on the bed.

You took it upon yourself to pull your top off, leaving you only in your skirt as you stared up at her. Ellie peeled her top off as well before she undid her jeans, pushing them down along with her boxers, leaving her naked above you.

You brought your hands up to undo the button to your denim skirt before she grabbed your hand, shaking her head as she swiftly pulled off your soaked panties. “Leave it…I like this skirt on you” she smirked down at you, causing you to blush.

She grabbed your thigh, slotting herself between you and pressing her wet pussy against yours. The second she felt you, she let out a long, loud moan. It was like the hunger she had been cursed with had finally been satisfied once she felt herself press up against you. She looked down at you, watching the way your slick and hers mixed together, coating your pretty pussy and glistening just for her. Her hand gripped your ankle, and you watched in awe as her tattoo flexed as she thrusted against you, her pussy bringing you pleasure that you had truly never felt before.

“H-Ahh! Fuck…Ellie please…please go faster…mmm…fuck fuck fuck fuck” you moaned out, your eyes squeezing shut. You couldn’t focus on anything other than the feeling of her pussy on yours.

A firm hand gripping your cheeks made your eyes flutter open, and you gasped softly at Ellie staring down at you, her lip tugged between her teeth as she groaned and moaned above you.

“Don’t close your eyes..you need to fucking look at me when I’m fucking you. Tell me who’s making you feel this good, tell me who you fucking belonged to” she gritted out, squishing your cheeks together so that your eyes would stay on yours.

And you always knew the answer, you’d always belonged to Ellie. From the moment she found you, you were hers, and there was no way you could ever deny that.

You moaned loudly at her words, reaching your hand towards her and catching her nipple in your hand, cupping her boob and flicking her nipple between your fingers before you nodded. “M’yours El…all yours…always…mmmph-…have been…ahh I’m gonna cum!”

Your words made her insides coil, and she felt like she could die happily right the and there. She nodded, prompting you further as she moved her hips faster, speeding up the pace of her pussy grinding down against yours.

“Cum for me, fuck….I fucking love you…i fucking love you Bambi…fuck!”

Your orgasm hit you like a train the second she said it, and you weren’t even totally sure if she really did say it. Sure you’d told each other you loved one another before, but god it was never like this. It wasn’t like she was on top of you fucking herself down onto you, but she was saying it, and you felt like you’d pass out.

And if you thought you were hallucinating before, god were you wrong now.

Because you swore when she threw her head back and came on your pussy, you saw pretty, pointy white fangs gleaming in the dark room.

She collapsed on top of you, breathing hard as she pressed her face into your neck. You stared up at the ceiling, her hands wrapping around your waist and keeping your naked body close to her own.

You were in shock, because your best friend had just fucked the day lights out of you and you weren’t totally sure if it was a dream, or if it was real, and she told you she loved you…

And you could feel her fangs grazing against your neck.

#ellie williams #ellie williams smut #ellie x you #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie the last of us #ellie tlou #tlou 2

[a-aexotic]

could you do a rafe imagine where reader is a pouge and she’s working at the country club as a server or as a bust gal and kelce says something about her but rafe secretly likes the reader and he defends her and gets pissed at his friends for talking bad about her or saying something degrading or ojectifyinfg about her and then the reader finds out rafe defended her from topper ?? Bc topper is secretly kind (apart from the fire tbh) and reader confronts rafe about why he defended her

pairing. rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings. sooo much fluff, degrading language towards women, a fight (kinda), out of character top/rafe, lmk if i missed anything!

summary. rafe has a crush on you and topper makes it his top priority to get you two together after you confess your feelings, too.

➜ missing out on updates? ❪ navigation. masterlist. taglist. ❫

You were exhausted at this time of day and you just wanted to go home and rest. Your eyes were heavy and your feet hurt from these stupid heels the club makes you wear. You had one last table before you could clock out; you could already feel the warm bath you were going to draw tonight.

Until you saw who you were serving; Kook royalty themselves. Rafe, Topper, Kelce and a few guys you don't recall the names of. You prepared yourself for the longest hour serving these boys.

You walked up to them, a big smile on your lips. If you were going to serve some snotty Kooks you might as well get a good tip. "Hey, um. I'm Y/N, and I'm your waiter for tonight. Can I get you started with any drinks?"

You handed out the menus and you could already feel their stares at your body and face, making you feel a tiny bit self conscious. In the corner of your eye you saw Kelce turn to one of the boys to whisper something and he immediately turned red before letting out a chuckle.

You saw Topper and Rafe make eye contact before Rafe rolled his eyes, making Topper sigh.

"Sure, for me, I don't know about the others though." Topper nodded politely as you smiled.

"Yeah, I'm super thirsty." One of the boys had commented as the whole table (minus Topper and Rafe) erupted in laughter. You were disgusted and honestly disappointed, I mean, how low could these jerks get?

Rafe cleared his throat and the whole table became quiet once again. "Me and Top are going to get some Old-Fashion's. I don't know about the others."

"Make that three more." Kelce added and you nodded politely, jotting it down quickly on the notepad.

"Okay, I will be right back with your drinks. Take a look at the menus, alright?" You walked away with another big smile and as you turned, it immediately dropped.

You didn't necessarily hate Kooks; well, not to the extent of JJ or Pope. You could honestly stand them; sure, they made you uncomfortably sometimes but at least at the end of it, you have a good tip.

"Take a look at those menus, more like take a look at that ass!" The boy had said and Kelce and other one let out another laugh. Rafe couldn't stand it.

The jokes weren't funny and were low blows, they were some of the worst jokes he'd heard in months. It was stupid. Rafe held in all his anger because he didn't want to cause a scene, especially here or in front of you.

He's been trying to make a move on you for months; giving extra tips, complimenting you, asking if you could help with the golf cart. And now all his hard was going down the drain because you're going to think he's shallow and idiotic because of his 'friends.'

The only person he actually liked right now was Topper and that's saying a lot. He felt bad for you as well. Rafe didn't really feel empathetic towards anyone but seeing you put on a fake smile and nod off the joke like it was nothing reminded him of someone.

"God what I would do to take her to bed." One of the boys sighed as the others agreed. Rafe bit his tongue as they continued.

"I'm sure she would," Kelce took a drink of his water. "If you tipped her enough."

"You're right, she's a Pogue. I'm sure she needs the money."

Rafe was disgusted. Is this really what they thought about? "Shut the fuck up, dude. That's not funny."

The table went quiet as the guy turned to Rafe. "What the fuck is your problem man, you've been in a bitch mood ever since we came in here. I mean, come on, it's a fucking joke."

"A joke? You call that a fucking joke?" Rafe started raising his voice. "You're the fucking joke here, dude. Who the fuck says that shit? Especially while she's literally over there."

Topper nodded. "Yeah, have some decency. Y/N's actually so sweet."

The two boys looked at each other before laughing. "Oh I see what's goin on here. You two are acting like you're all above this, above us, so she can see how gentleman-ly you are and let you tag team her, huh?"

"Not everything is about sex, dude. Maybe we actually think she's nice and a human being that deserves a little respect. She's, y'know, a living breathing human with thoughts in case you've forgot." Rafe was seeing red and he was about to throw a punch before Topper kicked his leg.

"What, dude? It's true." Rafe looked at Topper before he sighed.

"Let's just finish the drinks and then we can go, alright?" Topper was trying to calm things down and Rafe took a deep breath before nodding.

You had come back with all the drinks on a platter. You felt the shift in energy, it was a lot more tense now than it was. "Alright, have you guys figured out what you guys wanted to eat?"

You passed out the drinks.

"That would be it, can you uh, get the check please?" Rafe's voice was much softer and politer than usual and you nodded. You appreciated the manners; you don't see a lot of that in the country club.

"Okay, sure. I will be right back with the check." You smiled at him and his cheeks turned a little red as he turned away. Topper noticed this and was a little confused.

Rafe had never mentioned liking you in anyway. He was now wondering if he had just started liking you or if this was something that's been happening for a while now.

"Okay, Kelce, how much would you pay me if I went up to her and asked her out on a date?"

"Nothing, dude. You'll be getting the award, why would I have to pay?" Kelce responded, drinking a little of his drink.

Rafe flared his nostrils as he kept in his anger once again. He didn't want to blow up again, people were already staring.

"Dude, you won't do it." The other guy laughed. "You're a fuckin pussy."

"There's no way she'll say yes." Kelce added.

The other guy rolled his eyes, "How much do you wanna bet?"

Kelce laughed, "100$ easy, dude."

He laughed, "Okay, I'll be a 100$ richer."

"You're definitely going to lose that 100, man."

You came back and put the check down with a small smile. "Is that all boys?"

"Yes." Rafe quickly said, taking the check and putting his card in. The others exchanged looks. Before you could away, the boy had started to say something.

"Y/N, right?" He looked at your nametag then to your low V-cut shirt before looking back at your face. "I was wondering if you could let me take you out later this week, maybe... Saturday? I'm havin a big party, I'd just love for you to come."

Rafe was angry he felt like his eyes were going to bulge out of his eyelids as he stared daggers at the guy.

You stood there, a bit shocked. There were a few seconds before you could respond. "I would love to. But uh, I'm already dating someone."

"Really?" Topper looked confused, you'd never mentioned one. You glared down at him before smiling and nodding. Rafe felt like his world had come crashing down. You had a boyfriend?

"Yup, JJ. Two months!" You said dramatically. "Sorry... About that."

The guy looked pissed, turning away from you. "You weren't even that pretty anyway." He muttered.

Your eyes widened and immediately took that as your que to leave, walking away. "Okay.."

Rafe quickly got up after you, taking out his wallet and taking out a 20$, handing it to you.

Your eyes had widened at how much he was tipping. "Whoa, are you sure?"

"Very. My friends were douches to you and I apologize. I don't even know the other two dudes' names."

You laughed, the first real genuine laugh you've had all day. It was a like breathe of fresh air. "Me neither, but I can't take this, that's so much." You pushed away the money.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, you can." He put it in the pocket in your shirt before sighing. "Enjoy the rest of your night."

He walked away to the rest of his friends and you smiled at the nice gesture. Rafe, despite the opinion of your friends, was actually kinda sweet. I mean, he was sure as hell better than the rest of his friends (minus Topper).

"Dude, that took you long enough." You heard one of them groan.

"Shut up." You heard Rafe reply as you smiled to yourself. You immediately shook away the smile, sighing. Why was the Kook prince making you smile? Wow, you were in desperate need of a bath and a good meal, 8 hour shifts aren't your strong suit.

--

You were surprised and confused at Topper's words.

"Yeah, he was like, genuinely pissed. I've never seen him that mad and that's saying a lot."

Your eyebrows were furrowed, "Wait, wait. So he defended me?"

Topper looked at you like it was the most obvious thing of all. "That's what I've been saying for the last half an hour, have you been listening?"

You rolled your eyes at Topper's unnecessary sassiness, "Yes, Top, it's just been really hard to process."

"What's hard about it? Rafe has literally never had a soft spot for anyone except Wheeizie, like ever. And he's rich. He can spoil you and you're literally set for life-"

"Whoa, okay." You started laughing. "Let's not go that far. I am not marrying Rafe Cameron." ok girl...

"Okay but think about it." He smiled. "We could be like kinda related. If Sarah marries me... or if Rafe considers me a best friend, I could be like your brother-in-law."

You started laughing harder, "Sarah's not marrying you."

He didn't look too amused by that. "Okay, shut up, seriously. Rafe likes you."

The more you imagined his face and his smile, his dad outfits and the way he literally is an asshole to everyone except you, the more hot your face felt.

Topper smiled as he playfully pushed your shoulder making you laugh. "He's cute."

"Cute? Don't call say that to his face, he'll get all flustered and then roll his eyes."

You already imagine his face, making you laugh a little harder. "Okay, okay. If... if I were to like him back, how would I approach him?"

Topper sighed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Okay, uh. Maybe just talk to him and flirt before he asks you out."

"That's so obvious-"

"He tipped you a 20 last night and you're worried you're making it obvious? Are you serious?"

You rolled your eyes. You reminded yourself to talk to Topper about his attitude problem later because it's getting a bit much. "Okay. Fine. I will."

--

Other than being a waitress at the country club, some days they put you on the Beverage Cart duty. It was probably because they were short in staff that day but honestly you didn't mind. You'd rather be out on the golf course then cooped up in the restaurant. You also get double the tips than you would inside.

Plus, you had a cute golf outfit on with the cute visor; you felt like a true Kook.

As you were going around, selling drinks, you saw Topper and Rafe. Of course they were going to the club today; it was nice Saturday afternoon. You face palmed yourself. You already knew what Topper was going to do.

Topper saw you as well, a smirk forming on his lips. "Rafe, uh. Remember Y/N?"

Rafe felt himself blush at the mention of you. He shook it off, nodding. "Uh, yeah. Doesn't she work here?"

"Yep. Also, I was uh, talkin to her the other day and she called you cute."

Rafe's mouth flew open as he whipped his head towards Topper. "What?"

Topper smiled. "Yeah, she called you cute. Like, really cute. She was blushing and shit."

Rafe smiled and he didn't even feel it. "Wait, seriously?"

"Yeah, dude. And, oh! Speaking of the devil, there she is."

Rafe's eyes widened as he looked over at you and shook his head. "Oh, uh."

"I know you like her, man." Topper added as he looked to Rafe.

He shook his head. "No, I don't like her. I think she's cute."

Topper rolled his eyes. "And you blush around you, you stumble over your words, you tip her real good. You were practically on the floor kicking your feet in the air and blushing when I told you she said you were cute."

Rafe frowned at Topper's wording and before he could protest, he started pushing Rafe towards the cart. "Dude, hold on."

"Ask her out, man."

"Not now, dude, I've been plotting for months now, I can't just-"

"Dude, do you trust me?" Topper stopped and looked dead in the eyes.

"No." Rafe stated before Topper rolled his eyes for what seemed to be the fifty-th time that day.

"I don't care, now come on." He pushed Rafe towards the cart before grabbing the back of his collar, making him walk towards you. If this was any other situation, Rafe would've landed a punch to Top's jaw but he didn't wanna scare you off, so he kept his cool.

You stared the two as they approached the cart. They seemed too... normal. They were both smiling and you felt like they were plotting. You know for a fact that Topper is.

"Hey."

"Hi." They both said in union, making Rafe look back at Topper, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What can I get you two?" There was unnecessary awkwardness between the three of you as they both looked at each other.

"Two... sodas."

"Sodas?" You looked assumed. Were they 12?

Topper looked back at you. "Yes."

As you reached for the cooler, you heard Topper make an 'O' sound. You turned around.

"Oh shit. I forgot my wallet, I will be right back. Rafe, you stay here and get us the sodas, alright?"

Rafe looked back with his teeth gritted, a warning to Topper. "Topper."

He shrugged. "I'll be right back." He jogged away as you and Rafe made eye contact.

You knew that he knew what you had told Topper. And then, Rafe realized the same thing. He didn't know what Topper had told you but he just hopes it wasn't too embarrassing.

"Um. I never asked but um, what sodas do you want?"

"Ginger ale. I'm pretty Topper wants something girly like Diet Coke or something like that." Rafe mumbled the last part but you heard it. You let a horrendously loud laugh because you knew Topper would get a Diet Coke.

You suddenly felt embarrassed but it melted as you heard Rafe's small laugh as well. Butterflies filled your stomach as you heard him.

"Okay, then. One ginger ale and uh... a Diet Coke." You laughed a little after, making Rafe smile.

As you handed him the Ginger Ale, your hands touched and you felt like your face was on fire. You quickly pulled away.

"Hey, uh..." Rafe started. "Did Topper say anything about me?"

"In what way?"

"Um, I don't know... something involving you?" Rafe inquired as you smiled.

"Did he say anything to you about me?"

"Maybe." He dragged out the 'e' sound as you rolled your eyes at him playfully.

"Topper may have mentioned a few things about you. But they weren't bad. They were actually a little... admiring to hear."

He went red as he looked down at his feet. "Topper just loves to run his mouth."

You nodded in agreement. "Yeah. He definitely loves to gossip."

He laughed at your wording. "He said some stuff about you, too. It was... admiring, too."

Your cheeks had begun to hurt from smiling this hard and it'd been only a couple minutes.

"Okay." Rafe sighed. "Are we talking about the same thing-"

"Yes, we are. I think."

Rafe was going to have to push all his pride and ego just this time. "I think that you're really pretty... and if you're not with JJ, I'd love to take you out on a date."

You had forget he heard that part. "I'm not with JJ."

"Okay, then what do you say?"

"Yes, Rafe." You smiled at him and he swore his heart did a little flip at the sound of that.

"Okay," he sounded breathless.

You then turned in your cart, looking for a piece of paper and your pen. You found one and then wrote down your number. You turned back and handed it to him. "Text me and then we can sort out the details, okay?"

"Yeah, for sure."

Topper finally walked back, wallet in hand, a big grin on his tanned face. He looked down at the paper in his hand and gave Rafe a proud pat on the back.

"Here's your Diet Coke," you held in your laugh as you gave the drink to Topper. Rafe smiled back at you as Topper opened it quickly and took a big gulp.

"Thank you. I knew you'd know my favorite drink, Y/N." He took out a 5 dollar bill and gave it to you before winking and you felt yourself cringe at Topper as you took the 5.

He and Rafe walked away and you stood there, your heart beating fast as you watched them walk away.

"What'd I say? Trust me, Rafe, I promise it'll work out and look, it worked out!"

"Yeah, for once, dude."

"Oh, shut up."

You heard their argument and laughed to yourself, getting back into your cart to drive to the next course.

#rafe imagine #rafe fanfiction #rafe smut #outerbanks rafe #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x reader #rafe fic #rafe angst #rafe x you #rafe cameron fanfiction #obx rafe cameron #rafe cameron #outerbanks #rafe x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe x female!mc #rafe x kiara #rafe x oc #rafe cameron x kook!reader #rafe cameron x pogue!reader #rafe cameron x oc #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x smut #obx jj #obx s3 #obx fanfiction #obx #obx2

[lizardaggro]

on the flip side (twst bully!au) pt 3

here we are, the long-awaited (it was literally like 1 day) part 3!! i wanted to declare on one of the actual chapters since those get seen by the most people that I DID NOT MAKE THIS AU, credit i believe goes to @azulsluver. i swear i don't hate you guys, leaving everything on a cliffhanger, but the good news is i have a lot of time on my hands due to chronic illness so i can update super often. also i gave up on the purple theme on posts bc tumblr hates me and always leaves the end of the word count black.

part 1 part 2

genre: gn reader, angst trigger warnings: bullying, mild yandere (will be escalating throughout the series, but no non-con) word count: 1246

You couldn’t really afford to space out and think about it though, not when he was right in front of you. Riddle tapped his foot impatiently, clearly irate at your lack of response. “Well?” He asked. “Do you not even have anything to say in your defense?”

Oh dear. However were you supposed to get rid of him when he was so intent on getting some sort of answer out of you? You had no idea what he wanted! He was more difficult to threaten, too, since you’d made up your mind that you didn’t want to be like your tormentors and completely ruin others’ lives. No, your end goal was just to make them leave you alone. After everything you’d been through, you really didn’t want to see them again.

It might seem strange to some people, that you weren’t dead set on destroying any semblance of normalcy they once had. You had all the ammunition you needed, of course. The Overblot victims would be the easiest to topple, considering what they’d done in and leading up to that state. But you didn’t think you were a particularly vengeful person; at least, you didn’t want to be. Crowley had always said that you must’ve been sent here to get his precious students to work together, so clearly you weren’t like them.

“I never asked for this, Riddle. Any of this. So if you think somewhere in your fucked-up mentality that you’re doing me some sort of favor, you’re dead wrong,” you intoned. Indeed, even though you just wanted them gone, you missed the days when you were all friends. Back when you thought everyone had your back no matter what. Oh, if only you knew what they’d do for you. It wouldn’t be hard at all to push some of the more unstable students over the edge. Those who felt they didn’t have anyone else. Much like a certain dragon fae who never did seem to get invited to things.

Riddle looked like he was about to say something, but before he could, he was drenched by a great torrential rain. Where did that come from? Didn’t the forecast say it was supposed to be clear skies and sunny for the rest of the week? Your question was soon answered, as you had two more visitors.

“Silver? Sebek? What brings you here?” You inquired, not at all amused. When those two showed up at the same time, it could only mean one thing, and it wasn’t good. Riddle looked like he had caught on as well, since he stepped in front of you, as if that would do any good.

“LORD MALLEUS REQUESTS YOUR PRESENCE!!” Sebek boomed. You’d made progress on his volume in the past, so you were sure he did it just to annoy you. Silver just stared. He always stared, you felt like. Sometimes you swore you could feel his eyes on you even when he was nowhere to be found.

“Oh, gee, I wonder what that’s about,” you snarked. “Poor little princey-poo doesn’t want his embarrassing little secrets getting out? Well you can tell him to fuck off.” You must’ve been feeling especially brave, since normally you knew that defying Malleus Draconia was as good as a death sentence. He wasn’t even that bad, compared to some of the others. He just… locked you in his room and made you listen to him talk, with no room to get a word in edgewise. He’d go on and on about one thing or another for HOURS, with no regard for your schedule or your bodily needs. Clearly fae had a different sense of time than most.

It was the loss of control over your own life that you hated; that, and that if he really still considered you a friend, he never bothered to do anything about your bullies. You knew he was more than capable; you’d witnessed his strength firsthand on multiple occasions. You didn’t know what his endgame was, and frankly you were too scared to find out. He could trap you there forever and you wouldn’t be able to do a single thing about it.

Sebek was not amused. He raised an arm, likely to strike you, but Silver placed a hand on it, effectively stopping him. “Don’t. You wouldn’t want Lord Malleus to see a bruise on them,” he reasoned. You didn’t get it. Since when would he care? Sebek roughly shoved Riddle out of the way, despite all his objections, and nonchalantly slung you over his shoulder.

“What the hell?!” You screeched, pounding your fists on his back. “Put me down! I’m not going!” You weren’t sure why you were objecting so vehemently; this time wasn’t any different than the others. But something about the dark gray clouds pouring rain on what should’ve been a lovely day just told you that this was not going to be good.

But alas, your plight was ignored. The three of you made your way to Diasomnia in silence. No one bothered to stop and stare in the halls, as you being carried off by people was somewhat of a normal occurrence. You could swear Savannahclaw and Diasomnia even had some sort of twisted capture-the-flag game going, for whatever reason.

When you entered the gothic-style castle, you were greeted by none other than Lilia. Much like Malleus, he’d never bothered you too terribly, only engaging in less-than-welcome pranks. You knew he was far older than he let on, so you supposed he didn’t see the point in such childish endeavors. There was, however, one thing you feared about the man: his cooking, which he tried to shove down your throat at every opportunity. How Silver grew up healthy you’d never know.

And so, of course, you were greeted by a plate of… well, goop, to put it nicely. “Here, have a seat, dear, I made lasagna,” Lilia offered with what you assumed was supposed to be a warm smile. To you in that moment, with the fumes starting to reach your nose, it looked like a shit-eating grin.

“I’ll pass, thanks. That is to say, I’d rather die than eat that shit, because it looks and smells like it’ll send me straight to hell,” you deadpanned. Sebek let out an unholy screech and started ranting about how dare you refuse Lord Lilia, even though you knew he wouldn’t want to eat it either. You did your best to tune him out. Silver looked relieved, surprisingly enough. You supposed he was able to empathize since he grew up eating the stuff.

Luckily for you, Lilia just sighed and walked off, taking his culinary abomination with him. The three of you who remained shared a look. “How are you still alive after all these years?” You asked Silver. He shrugged. If even he didn’t know, you’d just call it a miracle.

“SILVER, QUIT FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY! LORD MALLEUS IS WAITING!” Sebek practically screamed in your ear. You really wished he would stop doing that. But you had more important things to worry about, like your impending death by dragon fae. Once you arrived at Malleus’s room, Sebek set you down and pushed you inside. You heard the lock click behind you. You gulped, feeling the pressure of being alone in a room with a presumably angry and very powerful mage. You looked up to see a pair of emerald eyes staring you down. Oh boy, this was not going to be fun.

taglist: @twistedcece @slxt4h1m @teawhere @pleasehugmeaether @reivelmin @aoiyx

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst bully!au #twst bully au #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #sebek zigvolt #twisted wonderland silver #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia

[pinkaditty]

Could we have some after-sex headcannons with Rook and MC? I feel like he's the type of guy to bathe in the afterglow

okok anon i know it's been like ten thousand years since i received this ask but please know i never forgot abt you and i love you for submitting an ask <3

cw: mention of sex, implied sexual encounters, implied and mentioned threesome, penetrative mention, and i think that's all!

a/n: woooooo answering asks!!! i will answer others in the coming weeks i PROMISE i see your asks and i will deliver! <3 my reqs are open so please feel free to ask me anything!!! :)

MINORS DNI AS USUAL! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY! PLEASE!

first off anon you're TOTALLY RIGHT Rook 1000% bathes in the afterglow and just lays there for a moment after his orgasm bc he always makes sure he's last, prioritizing your orgasm.

sometimes he doesn't even need to get off, fully satisfied after he's made you finish however many times you requested or he felt like doing

definitely is an aftercare person, but he's not immediate with it. he takes his time, slow and steady with it.

he'll kiss you a few times on your forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin, thanking you for the enjoyable time and experience

he'll hold you close too, regardless of how naked the two of you are. he's going to squeeze you flush against him.and y'all will just lay there for like. half an hour or something. he won't deprive you of aftercare too long.

then he'll get up for a while, and though you miss his warmth, he's running a warm bath for you so it won't be long.

once it's filled to the brim of warm water and all the right skin products to create the perfect bubble bath, he either walks you or carries you to the bath and gently places you in there.

no, he's not joining you, at least not immediately. he's bathing you. literally stroking his hands across every nook and cranny of your skin and I mean everywhere. Literally.

once he's bathed you, he might join you, happy to cuddle you in the warm water and wash your hair or have you bathe him in return.

maybe another round lol

after the bath, he picks you up out of there, dries you off, helps you with your hair before taking you back to his room and sitting you on a comfortable stool while he washes the sheets ofc and then makes his bed and puts you right back in the comfort of his sheets

bottom line he DOES NOT let you lift a finger lol like he's not gonna! not at all! even if he got his back blown out via pegging or fucking or what have you… he will not let you lift a finger. he's servicing you and that's that.

ok i want to entertain the possibility of Vil being present lol sooooo…

if you all had a threesome Vil is also helping pamper you except he absolutely joins you in the bath and the two of you wash each other as Rook helps wash your hair

Vil also is probably the fastest recovering and definitely will initiate a second round in the bath should he have both yours and Rook’s consent

he'll also go and run the bath if Rook is still cuddling you

he's just slightly more busybody not really his fault he'll still love to cuddle you

also after the bath he'll make sure to take you step by step through his skincare routine

maybe he'll practice makeup with you and Rook if you have the energy

if not he'll just cuddle with the two of you and either rest and enjoy each other's company or watch one of his father's movies or something like that

very pleasant experience either way

a/n: lol i might do this for other characters too bc this was kinda fun?? also im sorry if this like isn't up to par 😭😭 i am thinking about redoing it to be honestttt but just lmk if you'd like a redo im happy to oblige!

ofc as usual shameless bit that I love love loooooove reblogs, comments, and asks!! please let me know what you thought! I love to cater to you!

#minors dni #twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland smut #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst smut #twst wonderland #twst rook #twst vil #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #vil shoenheit x reader #vil twst #vil twisted wonderland #rook hunt #rook x reader #rook twst #rook hunt x reader #rook hunt twisted wonderland #rook hunt smut #rook hunt x mc #vil schoenheit x reader #vil schoenheit smut #vil schoenheit twst #vil schoenheit x yuu #vil schoenheit x mc

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

peppermint gum, m | jjk | savor...

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

It’s impossible to fall in love when you’re already in love. And Jeon Jungkook was in love. Helplessly. But what could he do? Time passed. The world became tasteless to his eyes. All he could do was hold onto the crisp and intense color of those memories, remember her words, and wonder where she was now. Savor, and burst forth.

this is part i | click here for part ii | total wc: 25.6k

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; this story contains parental child abuse - child neglect and abandonment; sloooow burn; mild alcohol consumption; hardcore pining JK; angst and fluff and feels; (in part ii) smut (fem reader, slight D/s dynamic, so much kissing, hair pulling, scratching / marking. grinding, choking, m-receiving oral, finger sucking, fingering, nipple play, m-masturbation, thigh riding, edging, penetrative sex, doggy, multiple orgasms); shifts back and forth between Jungkook’s POV and your POV; from lovers-to-strangers-to-lovers again :)

non-idol!AU; pining!Jungkook x noona!reader — ft JK's helpful? friends Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin; reader's close friend and talented guitarist, Kang Hyungu (ONEWE's Kanghyun if you want to see his appearance, hehe, same personality); JK has all his piercings and has hair (lol) had to be broken up into two parts bc it is 25k words, rip

--

“Aren’t you afraid that I’ll forget you?”

Those last words rang in his head, accompanied by her smile.

“Your mind might forget me, but the body always remembers.”

He wanted her to be wrong. But, of course, she wasn’t. Life wasn’t so kind. Life wasn’t so kind to give him a dramatic ending. Rather, it was a calm one of slow decay where he gradually learned to not miss her anymore. No ill feelings. Just helplessness. He had wanted her to be his morning, his afternoon, his night. She didn’t. He had been younger then. He had thought he could change what was already written.

She had done the right thing, actually.

Years past. The memories became a blur with everything else. Everyone else – between nights and bodies and the feeling of not quite right. Searching but not knowing what he was looking for so he cut them off just as he had been cut off. It hurt, of course, but not as much as it would have if he had let it drag on. Maybe that was what he had learned from that time.

He forgot to miss her.

But he still thought of her and wondered where she was now.

Tattoos, piercings, and countless hours at the gym later. Running. Life an endless loop despite the differences. Nowadays, he was making an effort to hang out with his friends more, not just for birthdays or online games, but socializing at in-person events that he still wasn’t very good at. Becoming older meant drifting apart since they didn’t have those common places to mingle in anymore, so it was important to put in the effort. If he wanted to improve in talking to people more casually, well, he should at least put himself in those opportunities, right?

Right.

Running.

Always running.

Sometimes, when he was in the dark surrounded by people and with just the right amount of alcohol in his system, he missed her terribly, but he couldn’t remember what standing next to her was even like.

Other times, he completely forgot she used to like this type of tea or that kind of snack. These details faded into the background, only to return to him in disorienting dreams and half-realities.

And most of the time, he forgot.

In between hands and lips and legs, he felt the rush. The exhilaration. Lust. He could make magic in the bedroom. Wasn’t that what it was all about? Wasn’t it all about the chase between two? Wasn’t love about strangers becoming forever-afters? Wasn’t it? He didn’t know anything about that when he was younger. Right. How could that be love?

Maybe.

Maybe he just forgot.

The spark always died so fast. It must have been not quite right.

She must have forgotten him too, by now.

When Jeon Jungkook saw her again, he hadn’t expected it at all.

It was at a nightclub concert. Loud and obnoxious and full of infectious energy. A friend of his was a singer of the band that was going onstage next. Currently, there was alternative rock band vibing with the crowd, singing songs that no one knew but spoke to feelings everyone understood. Breakup lyrics to sweetheart melodies. He was enjoying himself, but not paying much attention. In a split second, he had whipped his head around because one of his friends was playfully flicking the back of his hair, being an idiot, and then he saw her at the edge of the stage. Right there. He almost didn’t think it was her at first, but his eyes recognized that face right away, even amidst the chocolate smokey eye and cherry lip stain. He almost looked away, not wanting to stare at a now-stranger, but his body froze when she smiled, remembering the way his heart fluttered when those past-lover-now-stranger’s eyes sparkled with mischief when she smiled.

That couldn’t have been love, right?

He couldn’t remember.

Was she more beautiful than before or had helplessness desaturated his memory?

She was cheerfully speaking to someone. A young man who had cerulean hair. His undercut was dyed a gradient purple. Taller than her, with broad shoulders. Black t-shirt and tight jeans showing off a built body. He lingered near her the same way a cat stayed by its owner. She shook her head at him and said something. The man chuckled despite a demeanor full of nervousness. She handed him his purple electric guitar and pushed him, motioning him to interact with the band standing offstage. Oh, that was right. His singer friend had mentioned that their actual guitarist was out taking care of his grandmother. They had to call someone to fill in on short notice.

It was clear, by the instrument, that this was the fill in.

The young man trotted over to the band and introduced himself. He was meant with open arms and gracious bows that left him flustered and shaking his head.

Jeon Jungkook looked away, not wanting her to see him.

Would she know it was him?

He glanced at her again during the break for the band change. She was standing at the side, not too close to the wall but not too far. Could be noticed right away, because she was not drinking and because she was alone. Simply standing there. Almost regal even in a tight white crop top and hip-hugging black trousers. The thick black strap of her sling bag had a large plush keychain dangling by her waist. A tuxedo cat with a tangerine on its head. She didn’t seem bothered to be alone with no one to speak to. She also held onto a big, thick, black leather jacket. Folded and tucked in her arms. Could be hers.

Could also not be.

She was smiling in the direction of the substitute guitarist. Jungkook caught a shared gaze between them. She gave the man a thumbs up. He returned the smile, albeit awkwardly. A wordless exchange. Two people who knew each other very well. The lights dimmed. An announcement was made and cheers erupted around him.

But Jungkook was in the dark, surrounded by people, with not enough alcohol in his system to place the emotion he was feeling right now.

He looked to the stage as the spotlights returned to the stage, lighting up the band and his friend, but his mind held onto the image he had just now seen. Something about her makeup, with the striking eyeliner and black-cherry tinted lips. His own lips tingled, remembering the taste of a kiss from years ago.

A bright and refreshing flavor, so strong that it had seemed to last for hours after.

He was not self-centered or bitter enough to call her an ex-girlfriend. It had been a crisp and intense connection but, in retrospect, the time had been short. Fast and in a rush. The kind of love that made his skin prickle and his heart race. There had been no way to know how long it would last. There had been no comparison to realize that that love could be as fleeting as it was powerful.

A peppermint gum love.

Ah, what was he going on like this for? Maybe she didn’t want to be bothered. Maybe she wouldn’t want to see a ghost of her past. Maybe she didn’t even remember him. Jungkook knew he looked very different now. Back then, he had been a lot more worried about being presentable to everyone. Now, he was old enough to know he couldn’t and didn’t have to please everyone. He could wear loose clothes even if he worked out to look toned the way he wanted. He could get those lip piercings even if people told him eight ear piercings was already too many and adding two more on the right side of his lower lip was overdoing it. He could get a sleeve of colorfully dark tattoos and maybe consider getting more if he really wanted, even if some people found it tacky or not to their taste.

Well.

As long as he had the money for it, anyway.

He tried to discern how she was looking at the young man playing guitar, but Jungkook couldn’t figure out if it was the same expression that she had given him all those years before. He couldn’t remember.

His mind couldn’t remember.

But.

There was an interlude mid-act. He had made up his mind. He excused himself from his friends, mumbling the excuse of the bathroom. It was nerve-wracking to cut himself away from that safety. He didn’t have to do this. There was no ill feeling.

Just helplessness.

He moved through the crowd, winding between the people. Right there. There was so much noise. Conversations. Laughter. Drunken bickering. But all he could hear was silence. Bodies pushed up against him, bumping into him by accident, mumbling out apologies. But all he could feel was the suggestion of a touch, the faded peppermint gum love, grasping for a memory that he couldn’t seem to recall.

His finger tapped her shoulder.

He just wanted to know something.

“Do you still feel the same as you did back then?”

After the hey, how have you been, after the look of recognition and half-amused smile and the flutter of his heart, after the small talk of where are you now, he asked her the question. Those things were only the precursor. The filler and fluff. The pretense to the question that had been on his mind for a long, long time now.

“About what?” she asked, tilting her head curiously.

“I don’t know if you remember…” He didn’t either, actually. Remember her original words. “But you said that you didn’t think you could ever understand love. You said something like that to me a long time ago and I wonder… I wonder if that feeling has changed.”

He knew it was a strange question and yet.

He just…

Needed to know.

The shadows in her eyes became darker, impenetrable. “Sounds like something I’ve said. But, are you asking me because you think that feeling should have changed?”

He shook his head quickly. “No.” Looked at her head-on, unsure if this bravery was from alcohol or the question itself that had been lingering in his mind for so long. “I remembered what you said after all this time because…”

Hot and heavy, but ultimately forgettable nights.

Cold and bright.

Unable to last and, yet, lasted.

“Because I think now I am beginning to understand what you meant.”

There was a lot of noise around them, but he barely noticed. There was so much light, so many people around them, but this moment was a spotlight between him and the past cold brightness. The shadows in her eyes softened, no longer bristling thorns, fading into a dark forest of overlapping leaves. He couldn’t know, but he felt those eyes were different now. Darker. More decisive. And yet, in some ways she hadn’t changed at all. One of the things that he had always liked about her back then was that she always answered him seriously and wisely even if the question seemed out of the blue.

They always had an inexplicable closeness, even as strangers.

She was even more beautiful and more attractive than he remembered though.

“I lied,” she admitted with a half-smile. Was that a sparkle of mischief in her irises or was he seeing things? “I remember what I said to you. It had upset you a lot, I remember, when I said I didn’t understand love. You cried. It must have hurt you, but I couldn’t understand why back then. Back then, I said I didn’t understand love because I both didn’t want to learn and couldn’t feel it. Only the latter is true now. Or, rather, I don’t think I feel the same things that other people feel when they are with the people they love. But why do you say you’re beginning to understand that I meant?”

His body remembered the feeling of her hand on his shoulder. Now, their relations weren’t close enough for her to touch him. He didn’t remember crying but he wasn’t surprised to be told that he did. When he was younger, he had been a bit of a crybaby. Just because he didn’t recall didn’t mean it didn’t happen.

But.

His heart could still feel that deep scratch of those familiar words, even now.

“When I met you back then… I thought I knew everything about love. Love was for good people. I wanted to be a good person so I could be loved. All I had to do was become the person that people wanted to love. But then I realized I wasn’t doing the things I wanted to do, only what was expected of me. Then you told me you didn’t understand love and I, someone who wanted to be loved by you, realized I had nothing to fall back on because I was only made of others’ expectations and ideals.”

He shook his head. He did remember crying after they parted. He remembered trying to make the sadness go away. He remembered nights in beds and stumbling home to cry in the shower, feeling disconnected in the physical connection. He remembered nights alone, empty bottles and holding a shot glass of tears, feeling unable to speak about this to anyone. Lost without knowing how to be found. Doing things based on impulse because only impulses were truly his and not poisoned by the opinions of others. Laughing at the search of happiness. Above all, he had been afraid. He had been afraid to give voice to his worries because then maybe they would gain power and overtake him.

But then he remembered the person who didn’t understand love.

There was such a person that existed out there.

He wondered how she was now.

“I wanted to tell you…”

And now he knew.

“I wanted to tell you I understand now. Or… don’t. Um.”

She smiled at him.

It was not the same way as she looked at the guitarist.

“Huh, you’ve become so mature and grown up. Well, welcome to the smoke-and-mirrors of adulthood, Jeon Jungkook,” she chuckled teasingly, shaking her head. “I scarred you that bad, eh?”

“No, I didn’t mean–”

She raised a hand to stop him, waving away his apology. “No, it’s okay. I’m surprised you still remember me. And don’t hate me. A lot of them hate me.”

Your mind might forget me, but the body always remembers.

His body did remember.

“A lot of them?” he echoed, a muscle in his jaw tightening.

The faintest tick of her eyebrow. “You gonna tell me you have all these tattoos and piercings and don’t get laid?”

His heart dropped. “You don’t like them?” He blurted that a little too fast.

She laughed. “My opinion of them doesn’t really matter.”

“Yes, it does,” was his quick reply.

She paused. The shadows in her eyes swirled. He tried to discern their meaning as he stared into those dark irises but the shadows were all evasive and clever, flitting away from him playfully. When she spoke again, there was a sternness to her tone. Not scolding him. Just getting her point across.

“Answer the question of whether or not you get laid.”

Hot and heavy nights that meant nothing compared to the cold and bright scratch on his heart.

“I…”

The tips of his ears suddenly burned but maybe it was the alcohol.

“I do. But I haven’t remembered or been bothered to remember a single thing they’ve said to me,” Jungkook heard himself say and wondered where that bravery came from.

She didn’t say anything for a moment.

Then she smiled in the way that made him shiver.

“Hyungu is gonna be pissed,” she laughed as the sound of a guitar riff pierced the air.

Oh, shit.

The spotlight faded.

Everything rushed back. Sound, color, light. It suddenly became very clear that he was too far and too long gone from his friends to go back now and face them. Jungkook spun around, seeing that the crowd had packed up tightly again. To his dismay, he had no idea where his friends were. They were no longer in that little pocket they had been. Did they get closer to the stage? Had they seen where he had gone? Did one of them text him? He was afraid to pull out his phone, both in rudeness and in the possible mortifying teasing. His phone was always on silent, at least. What he didn’t know couldn’t hurt him.

He turned back.

The melody echoing behind him was sharp and bright chords followed by a soulful voice.

She had been looking at the stage but immediately caught his gaze with a surprised expression. As if she hadn’t expected him to stay once the music started. And he shouldn’t, for it was rude and intrusive and inconsiderate to stay and invade a stranger’s space any longer.

But.

“You didn’t give me an answer.”

She blinked at him. “What?”

He pulled up the sleeve of his charcoal hoodie, revealing more of his tattoos. Her eyes tracked the movement, widening in surprise at the burst of color combined with thick black outlines. She had been able to see some of them, as his sleeves had been pushed up slightly, but it was much more obvious with the cuffs to the elbows. His forearm was covered with ink and there was no sign of stopping past the black patch in his inner elbow.

He looked back at her.

For a moment, they were young again.

Haloed by music, immersed in each other. A movie in real life. Suddenly it felt worth it – worth taking the risk of being rude, intrusive, or inconsiderate. Suddenly, it felt worth rolling the die and betting double just to…

Have a taste of that peppermint flavor.

“Yes or no?” he insisted, frowning, stubbornly pushing for an answer.

Deep down, Jungkook had always hoped she was thriving, shining brighter than all the stars, because then it proved that he, someone who also felt like he didn’t understand love, could be as impactful as that sparkling smile.

The corner of her lips ticked up in amusement. “Does a stranger’s opinion matter that much? I thought you weren’t going to let the opinions of others bother you anymore.”

Are we really strangers?

He grinned. “A stranger’s opinion would be the most unbiased, right?”

Can strangers speak like the way you and I do?

She stared at him for seconds that felt like forever-ever-afters.

Then she laughed, reaching up with a graceful hand and touching her fingertips to her forehead. His breath caught his throat, suddenly flooded with memories of youth and rashness, short as it was. He could see it all in a whirlwind. Crystal clear and fleeting all at once. A perfect storm and now caught in the eye, all of his wonders and helplessness thrown to the wayside upon seeing this familiar gesture that he didn’t even know until now was familiar, realizing now just how precious it was.

She lowered her hand with a mirthful and sparkling expression.

Beckoned with a downward wave as the music swelled, dangerously close to melting into the bridge.

“Step closer. You’re in someone’s way.”

Jungkook jolted, stumbling, realizing there was a short woman with carrying three full cups of foamy, honey-colored beer looking confusedly at him.

“Oh, shit, sorry–”

Her hand touched his shoulder, directing him gently.

His body moved but his mind froze at the touch.

“Listen. This is my favorite part. I’ll tell you after.”

One moment, there was space between them.

The next, he was standing next to her.

She tapped the air, closing her eyes.

“Listen.”

He closed his eyes obediently. Took away the visual, and suddenly his world was flooded with the auditory. An intricate guitar solo to bring life to his fluttering heart blending with piano and drums flowing together. Memories flashing past, too fast to grasp onto, happiness and misery, and then the bridge came, the lyrics painting the photo of two colorless roses abandoned by the heavens.

He opened his eyes and looked at her.

Her eyes opened at the final chorus, exhaling softly. Turned her head and he could see in the shadows of her gaze that she, too, remembered their minty whirlwind of memories.

Or…

Was he just hoping for that?

She smiled.

“I love your tattoos and piercings. You suit them well. I’m glad you found your own color, Jeon Jungkook. You shine so much brighter now than you did back then.”

It was at this moment that he knew...

He fucked up.

He shouldn’t have walked over here. He shouldn’t have asked the question. He shouldn’t have stayed and continued the conversation. He shouldn’t have asked if she liked how he looked now. He should have stayed with his friends and wondered. He should have preserved in the hot and heavy instead of searching for the past of crisp and bright. He might get used to it. He might end up finding what he was looking for, whatever it was. Or, better yet, he might just forget this whole feeling and her lasting words if he never saw her smile as she spoke to him again.

But he didn’t, so that meant he really fucked up.

Pit-a-pat.

He stared at her for so long that he didn’t realize he hadn’t said anything in reply until the song ended and her expression changed, tilting her head in puzzlement. She thinks I’m insane. Say something, Jungkook! Anything! But nothing was coming to mind, as how it always was in these situations. Awesome.

“Uh…”

She smoothly interrupted his awkwardness. “Did you come with friends?” Expression neutral. “I would hate to keep you from your company for too long.”

The notable shift from more casual to formal slightly stung.

No.

Really stung.

“I… Well, honestly, I don’t know where they are,” Jungkook confessed, scanning the crowd for a moment in attempt to look for them. It was a half-assed attempt, but it was an attempt. “I think I’ll have to look for them after the show. We’re meeting up with the band to eat, I think.”

“Oh? You know them?”

He pointed awkwardly to the stage. “Ah, yeah, the lead singer… We met in high school and are in the same friend group… Well, I’ve only recently started hanging out outside again. We’ve played a lot of online games together.”

“Oh, really?” She looked back up to the stage. “In that case, do you think your friends would mind if Hyungu tagged along?” A cautious smile. “It’s just… Hyungu-ah is in a band too, but they’re on hiatus right now. A few of them are doing military service. I think he really misses that environment. I can’t really talk music with him though, I don’t know anything,” she added ruefully, shaking her head and scrunching her nose. “Sorry, that’s probably a bit much to ask you after seeing you all this time. I’m just worried about that introvert, haha.”

Oh, right. The substitute guitarist. Right, because she didn’t simply magically appear as an act of fate or red string level of storytelling in a drama. Real life wasn’t like that.

“S-Sure, we can all go together–”

She was asking him to suggest or go along with the proposition to not alienate the guy. It was clear that she cared about him. He didn’t want to see them together, but… If she became part of his friend group, he might have a reason to go out more. Maybe he was a masochist. Maybe he just wanted to see if she was happy with that guy. Maybe he…

Okay, he wanted her to be close, even if it was all futile.

She relaxed. “Ah, phew. It really did take me a while to convince him to get out of the house,” she chuckled. “It’ll be nice for him to be around people that understand his true language of music, haha. I’ll stick around just in case, but don’t worry, I’ll leave and let you guys be guys, heh.”

Wait.

What?

Jungkook blinked rapidly. “Huh? Aren’t you coming too?”

She stared back. “Huh? Why?”

He looked at her and she looked at him.

Both blank stares of confusion.

“Why wouldn’t you go with your boyfriend?” he blurted.

Invisible question marks popped up over her head. Then she jolted and jerked her head to the band, to the blue-haired guitarist tearing it up on stage with a grin, then back at Jungkook, her eyes wide. “Me? Me?” She pointed to herself quickly, half-laughing in disbelief. “Me and Kang Hyungu?”

Jungkook gawked.

She burst out laughing.

“Oh, fuck, no, no, no,” she puffed, waving her hand all over. “No, no, he’s not… Oh, sheesh, no, we’re not dating. You thought… hah, sorry, there’s a misunderstanding here, hahaha…” She flicked her hand downward as if that idea was so ridiculous that it needed to be physically slapped out of existence. “Ah, no, how can I explain…”

Huh?

Wait, didn’t she mention earlier that his Kang Hyungu was going to be angry? She did directly say, Hyungu is gonna be pissed, right after Jungkook had told her he never bothered to remember what other girls told him, which would imply… argh, this was very baffling and Jungkook found his scatterbrained thoughts spinning trying to comprehend it all.

She straightened and ticked her head to the stage. “Me and him are just friends. We’ve been friends are a long time. Sorry, I can see why you’re mistaken since I came here with him, but Hyungu-ah is the type that really doesn’t like new situations. When he got asked to fill in for another band, he wanted me to come with him, since he wouldn’t know anybody. I believe he said he only spoke to these guys a couple times at festivals and he just needed some moral support.” She grinned. “Ya know, a tough cookie in case things get tough, hehe.”

Jungkook understood but also he was confused. “O… Oh…”

She motioned away his doubts. “In his words, you’re scary, noona. I’d feel much better if you came with me. Can you believe this guy? Just admit you’re lonely.” She rolled her eyes. “Hyungu-ah is a guitar genius. He’s a music nerd. I’ve known him since…” She paused, a dark shadow casting over her eyes as she recalled the past. “I was asked to tutor him when he was in high school and I was finishing university. He was shit at math and science. I helped him pass and then I…”

And again.

That pause.

Jungkook got the feeling she wasn’t sure if she wanted to tell him or not.

She shrugged. “I moved away. Then I saw his name on a poster. Turns out this nerd made his dream a reality and started that band after all.” Her expression became fond. Gentle. “I went to go see him perform. I was surprised he recognized me, actually. Hah, kinda like–”

Her gaze shifted to him.

It was as if time stopped.

She continued, clearing her throat. “Anyway, I’m not dating anyone. Definitely not Hyungu. He’s more like a little brother to me. Or I’m more like a bodyguard, heh. With only intimidation tactics. I really should work out, huh…”

He frowned. “Have you talked about him before? I would have remembered someone so important to you.”

“Nah, I think you and me was after university. When I was being a slu–” She cut herself off. “Ahem, I mean, I was young and didn’t really want to deal with, well, anything. Running from myself, so to speak.” She sighed. A little heavy. “I meant to say sorry, back then. You got caught up with my madness.”

She winked.

Jungkook felt his heart skip a beat.

“But, hey, you dodged a bullet, eh?”

He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t. That burst between them wasn’t there anymore.

Right?

Wrong.

He grinned.

“Nah, I’m bulletproof.”

Something about her.

Do you feel it too?

Her gaze sharpened and she stilled, mischief sparkling in her eyes.

“Oh, yeah?”

-

Well.

Can’t say you expected the events of tonight to be on this year’s bingo card.

You laid in bed and scrolled through your phone, but you didn’t pay much attention to anything on the screen. On one hand, you felt a little restless leaving Kang Hyungu to fend for himself with his low alcohol tolerance. On another hand, he was a grown man and would call you in the middle of the night to pick him up if he was really fucked up. Eh, he was too much of a good boy to be irresponsible.

You chuckled to no one in particular.

You were alone, after all.

It was a miracle, really, that little Hyungu still wanted to be your friend now.

In some ways, he was still the same kid you had met all those years ago. You didn’t really interact with him much as you were a couple years older and, well, a girl. You couldn’t really look at him either, all things considering. After all, wasn’t it highly probable that the bags under his eyes was your family’s fault? Your family and his family happened to be next-door neighbors at the apartment complex.

No one really talked about it.

In certain areas, the sounds of yelling and thrown dishes were simply background noise. Normal circumstances. The first near two decades of your life was that every day. Most of the time, your presence was as insignificant as a cockroach. Sometimes you would be spoken of but never spoken to. You learned from a pretty young age to shut up or be forced to shut up. The family motto was, children are not meant to be seen or heard. The adults were speaking. More accurately, arguing, escalating to screaming, and then to scalding silent treatment. Repeat cycle. You learned to snatch food from the fridge as soon as you saw it. No one was going to prepare anything for you, but at least there was always something edible in there.

Until you became a teenager, that was.

It got especially bad when you attended high school as both sides picked up hideous habits to deal with their issues. In your opinion, they should have picked divorce to deal with them, but instead they chose gambling and serial cheating. Sometimes neither would come home for days. Whenever they crossed paths, the endless war continued. There was no way to predict when the silence could become suddenly violate and now you were old enough to understand what was going on – and old enough to loathe it. You barely saw your next-door neighbors at that time because you did basically anything you could to avoid going home. There was only so much a child can take.

They either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

It was also about this time that you started using sex as a coping mechanism.

Approval by society wasn’t high on the list for you at that time, nor was it now. Must have been the upbringing. You watched alcohol become an expensive addiction for your parents and, paired with their mindless days at the casinos and excess spending on extramarital pleasures, illegal drugs were out of the question. Sex, however. If you knew what clinics to go to or where to shoplift, well. Free protection. Yup. During university, though, was when you needed money. You couldn’t go far as you couldn’t pay to live in a dorm. Your scholarships were barely covering tuition, so living at home was the only option. At this point, your parents had mostly forgot forgot that there was someone they birthed living in the apartment with them, which was fine by you, except when you needed to eat.

How Kang Hyungu knew things he shouldn’t know was a mystery you never figured out.

You had gotten locked out, again, and some loud dispute was happening behind the door. Deadbolted. It was shaping up to be a shit night – that was until a tall high schooler with a guitar bag approached the door to your right. You tried not to look at him and decided you would leave to find a PC bang to spend the night. But he must have seen your university-branded bag and called out your family name.

That was when Kang Hyungu started talking to you.

He must have noticed the many times that you had been locked out. Well, how could he ignore it? You didn’t want to do the small talk thing except for immediately informing him with your given name. However, your ears perked up when he mentioned that he needed help with math and science classes. He was looking to pay a tutor. Cram school was pretty expensive. Turns out you both had attended the same high school – of course, considering you lived in the same damn apartment building – and the high school posted notices about alumni that had received scholarships. That shit was a big deal to educators.

That was how you ended up in a basement studio room listening to five high schoolers make songs for hours and teaching them calculus, biology, and chemistry. All of them ended up being mild levels of garbage at those subjects, but it made teaching in a group much more efficient. It was thanks to Hyungu that you were able to eat all of university. Honestly, you didn’t really need the money as much as you needed somewhere to be. Yeah, it was pretty clear that Hyungu knew that somehow. He was a lot more observant than you gave him credit for. Neither of you really talked about it even though you should have.

Maybe, then…

When you graduated university, it was clear you had to leave. It was clear you had to put some distance between you and those who birthed you. Turns out, they did it for you, because one day you came home from job hunting and you didn’t have a home anymore. The apartment door was open and some random people were moving in. Cool. A talk with the leasing office, then. Turns out your parents moved out and didn’t bother to tell you. Together? Separately? Who the fuck knew. You found a box of your clothes in the dumpster along with some other random shit. Your birth certificate, even.

Your entire existence thrown in the trash.

It had really not been the best time.

Couple months of living strictly from PC bangs and business hotel rooms, you started a desk job at minimum wage. Funny how a degree didn’t do much but whatever. You also continued your not-so-great coping mechanism of fucking around, which is how you met Jeon Jungkook. He definitely had a different idea of how it all went down, but.

You paused, seeing that you had pulled up your phone contacts and there he was.

Even through changed models, your phone contacts transferred over. You never bothered to clear them out unless the person was worth blocking. Jeon Jungkook wasn’t worth blocking. The breakup, if you could call it that, was pretty simple. You said what you said and he didn’t fight you. You didn’t need his number in the years after, but you forgot about thinking you needed to delete unused numbers. You didn’t really forget him, though.

He was the only one that you felt sorry for breaking his heart.

He hadn’t been your type back then. Your type had been self-destructive, and you had become tired of that, so you chased for the complete opposite instead. You knew full well that it wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t even go into it invested. But you chose well, and he was the complete opposite. He trusted everything you said. He put up with your cold front. He liked you more than you liked him and he had no idea that he did. In fact, you wouldn’t be surprised that he wouldn’t care even if he knew. He was good in bed too. Eager, quick to learn, and listened to everything you said. Tried everything you asked without questioning or judging. It was precisely why you broke it off before it got too deep, because it got too deep way too fast.

He thought of you too highly when, at that time, you were too low to be anything above a grey area.

Aren’t you afraid I’ll forget you?

Just by asking you that, you never forgot Jungkook. He was the only one who seemed worried about that. Everyone else called you a heartless bitch or a dumb whore who was making a mistake. But Jungkook asked you if you were afraid that he would lose your memory, as if it was valuable enough to be tarnished.

Life worked in mysterious ways.

The happening of you seeing Hyungu’s name on a poster was by chance. The choice to go to that concert back then was on a whim. The chance of Hyungu recognizing you and coming to find you, dragging you to his bandmates that all yapped excitedly around you as if no time had passed was surprising. You had always thought they had forgotten or resented you on some level. After all, you didn’t have a working phone for a while since you couldn’t pay for a plan. You had essentially ghosted them for years, but Hyungu acted as if you had always been there. I’ll never forget that you took good care of me, noona. There was no way you could even attempt to date Kang Hyungu. How could you ruin a relationship that he kept preserved so preciously when you abandoned it? He spoke highly of you even when you hadn’t been around, even when you had been too busy being selfish and self-centered. He smiled at you and relied on you once again because he trusted that you could be relied on. You would sigh and be hauled around by these young loons and support their blooming music career as you got your footing and made it to a better desk job with better pay.

And, by some fate, being close to Kang Hyungu caused you to cross paths with Jeon Jungkook once again.

Weird, eh?

You lowered your phone, staring up at the ceiling.

Well, life was full of coincidences, right? There was no reason to think this was a special event. After all, you had been trying your best to forget that time in your life where you felt the most lost. It took a lot of pushing past your own stubbornness to realize that how your parents felt about you had nothing to do who you were. Accepting that you weren’t the worst fuckup ever to exist, thanks to the saving grace of someone who remembered to call you noona in an endearing way and not in an obligated way. It would be counterproductive to…

Jeon Jungkook’s smiling face flashed in your mind.

You only had one orb-shaped lamp on currently. It was one of those that you could set the lighting color and tone to your taste. You liked the low, moody, cool blue lighting. Besides, you knew the layout of your apartment by now, and the overhead lighting wasn’t necessary unless you needed to look for something.

The orb shone like the moon.

Jungkook had known such a different version of you and yet he still smiled at you like that.

“You must have somebody, don’t you?” you sighed to the shining moon.

It was silly to think too much about a random conversation. And, really, all he wanted to know was if you still found him hot or whatever. Yeah, he was just looking for external validation. You just happened to be there. Tattoos and piercings and working out? Sounded like a quarter life crisis to you. One that worked out in his favor, though. Your skin prickled with goosebumps, but it wasn’t from a tangible cold.

In the darkness, the moon-shaped light glowed brightly.

“It would be nice if you had somebody.”

You frowned and turned your back to the light.

It was a coincidence. Another moment of going through life and realizing you had been climbing Penrose stairs all along. How different were you from back then, really? It wasn’t as if you magically started getting into relationships and had a damn epiphany. The cruel epiphany was that we were all stuck in this endless loop of our respective pasts catching up to the present. No amount of heat could dissipate the coldness of the future.

You sighed, melting into the comfort of your cool bedsheets.

“I should just forget about Jeon Jungkook,” you mumbled.

Whatever.

Wasn’t like you were ever gonna see him again.

You dozed off.

Your phone vibrated against your chest.

-

“You idiot, you know you have no tolerance…”

“Noona, it was so fun, ahahaha…”

The air was cold. The sting of winter clung to his cheeks. He called out her name, feeling like the sound was drowned out by the cars and white noise in his head, but, once again, Jeon Jungkook completely forgot how loud he was.

Passersby jumped as he ran past clutching a guitar bag.

Her arms were wrapped around a blue-haired man who was dwarfing her frame. He looked half-asleep and too proud of himself but that was probably under the influence of alcohol and good vibes. She jolted, startled, her eyes widening as Jungkook skidded to a questionably close stop in front of them, nearly colliding into her.

In fact, he did.

“Woah!”

“Yah!”

He threw an arm out and around them, snapping back to hold the three of them up, pressing the guitar bag to her chest. There they were, a bundle of people who somehow ended up like this with a guitar cuddled between them, standing in the middle of the sidewalk at midnight with nightlife bystanders staring at them like they were all insane. At least Kang Hyungu was completely oblivious. Come to find out during dinner, he had low alcohol tolerance. Less than a soju bottle low. Welp. Nobody had believed him and he had given in a bit. At least he had the backup plan of a close friend picking him up. The group of guys had all stayed at the restaurant, making sure he was safe until she arrived, flushed and windswept, bowing repeatedly in thankfulness.

Therefore, Kang Hyungu was blissfully unaware of the sudden awkwardness of past lovers staring at each other with their stunned faces millimeters from each other.

Jungkook froze, holding her tight.

“H… His guitar…”

Her lips parted but no sound came out.

In his shock, he had only now realized she had removed her makeup. His heartbeat leapt to his throat, suddenly remembering how much he had loved the shape of her eyes and the color of her natural, full lips. How her cheeks seemed more filled out now. Healthier. Her skin glowed. He could almost…

Almost.

His body shivered.

She blinked, casting her eyes down. “Oh, shit, how could I forget… T-Thank you. He would be heartbroken without his precious guitar,” she breathed out quickly and exasperatedly, reaching up to grab the strap. “Thank you. Sorry to trouble you.”

“It’s o-okay…”

Jungkook reluctantly peeled away from her, taking a step back. There was an awkward moment of her still holding onto her friend and shouldering the guitar, juggling between the two. Even in that short moment, Jungkook realized Kang Hyungu must work out. He was not as light as he seemed. Instinctively, Jungkook reached out and held Hyungu’s shoulders when the guitar slipped from her narrow shoulder.

“Aw, fuck–”

Jungkook almost laughed at her puffed cheeks and under-the-breath swearing.

Almost, because his heart ached suddenly.

She had been so cute when she was mad, even if it was being taken out on him. He always thought that, so it had always been hard to argue when he was trying not to be in love with those cheeks.

“Sorry, I got him,” she sighed. “I’ll get him home even if I have to drag him.”

“I’ll help you, noona.”

She froze with her arms around another man. Her eyes darted and fixated on him.

Jungkook realized his mistake and also froze.

He had been calling her formally by name out of politeness until now. The same way strangers would address each other with no intention of ever meeting again. The honorific had just slipped out naturally. Or unnaturally, depending on how one considered the effects of alcohol. The blue-haired guitarist was half-asleep on her shoulder. There were only two conscious souls under this streetlamp on this cold night.

A diffused spotlight.

He sputtered. “S… Sorry, was that too informal…?”

Her gaze shifted. Were her cheeks pink from the crisp air or was it his eyes playing tricks on him? “No, it’s fine, I just…” She shook her head, swallowing hard. “It’s been a while since you… It’s okay,” she chuckled, the corner of her lips rising. “I mean, I would be pissed if you called me anything else. Our age difference is not that significant, but it’s there.”

“Y-Yeah.”

Was there hope in those shadowy eyes or was it all in his mind?

“Don’t you have to go home too?”

He grinned.

“Ah, I stay up until three in the morning every night anyway. Let’s get Hyungu-ssi home.”

-

Which was how you ended up on a bus with not-so-little-anymore Kang Hyungu snoring on your left shoulder and your past fling Jeon Jungkook on your right.

Awkward.

You clutched Hyungu’s guitar bag like your life depended on it. Actually, deep down you were kind of glad it somehow ended up this way. Being on a bus at midnight meant the crowd was the unpleasant kind. It must have been an odd sight. Sleeping Hyungu by the window, you in the middle seat holding a very expensive guitar, and Jungkook at the aisle being a great big buffer to keep the unsavory folk away. He was wearing a thick black parka over his charcoal sweat set, and he had his hood up to protect his ears from the cold.

For some reason, his jaw was clenched.

His eyebrows were furrowed too, giving him a very mean appearance for no reason. Or, at least, no discernable reason you could conclude. He wasn’t looking at anyone in particular as far as you could tell.

“Sorry about this,” you suddenly said.

Jungkook flinched and turned his head to look at you. Instantly, his expression burst into life, the stern expression melting away into sparkling big peepers and pink lips in a small ‘o’, making your breath catch as the small mole under his lip appeared.

You used to kiss that mole first before you kissed his lips.

Used to.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he replied with a smile.

“I feel like I cut your night short.”

He gave you a lopsided grin, scratching his cheek. “Eh, I can go to the club or karaoke bar some other time. And maybe I need to not be so easily influenced, ahahaha…”

You hummed. “Guess you’re still the same, going along with our people’s suggestions.”

He puffed his cheeks. “No, I’m not. I’m here with you now, aren’t I?” he shot back.

Pause.

You both looked away at the same time.

Hyungu snored softly in your ear.

Thanks for that, man.

You tried to ignore the creeping goosebumps along your back. It was not the outside temperature. You were wearing your big black leather jacket over the black sweatshirt and jeans you yanked on to quickly get out the door. Your shoulder bumped into Jungkook’s as the bus stopped and let some passengers off. It was still a few stops yet of this awkwardness. For fuck’s sake, you were the older one. Come on. You resisted the urge to slap your own cheeks to get a grip. Nothing is going on here. The heart palpitations were in your head. Yeah. Totally.

“Thank you, again.”

You felt him shift, sitting up straighter. “I really don’t mind at all, noona.”

You sat up too, casting him a sideways half-smile.

He bit the left side of his lip, mumbling.

“I never minded doing anything for you.”

A strange tingling sensation danced over your scalp and down your shoulders. Sigh. He was doing this on purpose, right? One look and of course not. You shut your eyes. Maybe you could just make up a reason to hate him. You thought you had lost him under other bodies and darker nights and bad decisions. You thought he hated you for ending it the way you did, so coolly and unfeelingly. You thought.

“Have you been happy, Jungkook?”

You felt him hesitate. You could almost remember how he smelled back then. Like crisp linens and bright cotton. He loved fabric softener and similar clean scents. Have you been happy after me? You hoped so. In retrospect, you had been such a small, meaningless part in this winding road of life.

“I… I guess? I’m doing things I like to do. I feel like I’m able to live more freely, and I figure I can just… keep doing what I’m good at.”

You smiled.

“That’s good.”

You opened your eyes.

“What about you, noona?”

Have I been happy?

Did you even know what that meant? And yet you felt the weight of precious Hyungu’s head against your shoulder. Someone who relied on your good heart wholeheartedly. Never mind your opinion of if your heart was good or not, or even there. Happy? You went to work. You enjoyed your hobbies like music and games. You stayed home and shopped online when you were bored. You had the money to buy your favorite snacks and you had the luxury to have poor time management to eat them at midnight and wake up puffy the next day.

You had a very simple life that your younger self could barely dream of.

I don’t want to end up like my parents.

Was that why you didn’t want to be in a relationship?

“Noona?”

You looked up suddenly, noticing your surroundings. Quickly pulled on the cord to create the gentle bell tone.

“We need to get off here.”

-

Somehow, Jungkook ended up in a stranger’s corner apartment surrounded by vinyl, boxed CD albums, and music equipment. It was on a lower floor so at least they didn’t have to climb any stairs to get to the front door. The living room area was less like a living room and more like a half-music studio, complete with guitars, speakers, and a computer with lots of expensive looking music equipment around it. The surrounding walls had black foam squares taped neatly, even on the ceiling. The rest of the wall space was occupied by posters of various indie and mainstream bands. He was surprised to see the few plushies of penguins on the couch. Along the wall of the stairs were flyers that each had a corresponding nail that hung lanyards with plastic cards – artist passes. Festivals and concerts and such, each one containing a recurring name if he looked closely enough.

He, along with his past lover, helped the young man he had just met tonight into the bed in the loft area.

It was a small space.

Somehow, they managed being that close.

“Thanks, again,” she sighed, descending down the stairs in front of him. “You must be thirsty. There has to be some water around here.”

Somehow, Jungkook found himself standing in the hallways of a stranger’s apartment drinking a bottle of water as he watched the one who got away rip a memo note off a pad and scribble something down, finding a Pingu mug to sandwich it under.

Somehow.

She turned around and sighed, looking relieved. The guitar bag was on the sofa, safe and sound.

Then they stared at each other, realizing they were now alone.

Well, not alone.

Above them, Kang Hyungu was in dreamland.

“Ah…”

Her shoulders slumped.

“Sorry, I didn’t even ask how out of your way this was. I’ll pay for a taxi back.”

“Ah, no, that’s okay. I can make my way.”

“Don’t be like that,” she scolded, although not with much severity. “I can’t take advantage of your kindness.”

He paused, staring into her eyes. They hadn’t turned on too many lights. Enough to see, and then turned off most of them right away to avoid waking up the neighbors with the brightness. Only the warm bulb by the door was on now, illuminating them together.

“Noona, can I ask you something?” he asked softly, realizing his voice shook a little.

She lifted her head, pulling her hands out of her pockets.

“Yeah, of course. What is it?”

Have you ever been in love?

He looked at her, and he remembered the question she didn’t answer on the bus. They had been hurried and trying not to inconvenience anyone. Now that what about you was lost in the whirlwind of sights, sounds, in time past. Jungkook was pretty sure that he knew what the line of love and distraction was, but he found he had no real words to describe it. Only a feeling of sureness, just as he was sure that if he asked this question, have you ever been in love, he would be overstepping a boundary somehow.

Mostly because it seemed obvious.

And also because it was not fair to ask questions that he was personally invested in the answer and honestly didn’t know if he wanted to know the answer.

Had he ever been in love? Sure, although he knew it was always with the caveat of what he knew at the time and driven by the image painted by his own parents. A miracle that he had a chance to witness. He hadn’t really thought about how deeply seeing them interact affected him until he met her. She never spoke about her parents. It was like they didn’t exist. No photos, no calls, no casual drop-bys to hand over a home-cooked meal and say hi. In contrast, Jungkook had the unfortunately mortifying moment of being balls deep and then interrupted by his own mother right before the big finale. She just silently laughed while hiding behind the door as his mom attempted to enter his apartment, why are there clothes all over the floor, aish, I keep telling you that I didn’t teach you to be messy, and him trying to reassure her that everything was fine and he had to be somewhere soon.

Yeah.

Anyway.

It the time it had been embarrassing, but she had told him something that had, again, stuck with him for a long time after. You are lucky that she takes the time to bother you. Some people would do anything to have their parents care for their well-being just one more time. The realization had humbled him. Sorry. I didn’t know your parents passed away. But she had just shaken her head with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

No, Jungkook, they’re very much alive. They just never cared about me, ever.

He had felt very sorry then, but she had waved her hand and laughed.

Don’t be. I can’t miss something I’ve never had.

It was then that Jungkook realized that he believed in love because his parents were in love. It was later when Jungkook realized that he, too, had been in love, but this was only after he had stopped seeing her. Only after he stopped tasting her strong, concentrated flavor. The world had become a tasteless future despite all the color and saturation trying to grab his attention.

Because she had left.

It might have been short, but that time had been a forever-after packed into a few months.

Jungkook jumped as she tapped the back of his hand with her fingertip.

“Hello? Welcome back to Earth. Did you enjoy your time spacing out?”

She looked amused.

“Guess you haven’t changed from your random space-outs, heh,” she chuckled, taking his empty water bottle and tossing it in the recycling. Even removed the paper label and everything. “Come on. You shouldn’t be interrogating me in Hyungu’s apartment anyway.”

She ushered him out of the apartment and made sure to lock up behind herself. He wondered why she had a key. Then again, her and the guitarist were very clearly good friends. Jungkook wondered if it would still be like that if Hyungu or her started dating. Or, maybe not, if they ended up dating each other.

Suddenly, Jungkook felt incredibly helpless.

She bumped into him because he stopped walking, bouncing off. They were still in the narrow hallway, trying to be quiet so as not to disturb the neighbors at this late hour. The light in the hallway was warm and low. Not due to the night. More because the lightbulbs were generally old and shitty.

“Woah, what’s going on? You don’t know how to walk straight? Do you need a leash?” she whispered lightheartedly, coming around him.

He looked up.

It must have shown on his face because the playful laughter in her features immediately slipped away upon eye contact.

He had millions of unfair questions swirling in his mind, can we try again, is there something wrong with me, why did you leave me, and Jungkook knew he could ask none of them. For fuck’s sake, they had only just seen each other again tonight. He should just be happy they were together now, even in this platonic way. He should just be happy that she seemed healthy and content. He should just…

But you’ve always known me so well.

You aren’t hard to read, Jungkook, she used to laugh when they talked about how fast they had gotten into bed together.

She placed her hand on his elbow.

Dragged from his minty whirlwind memories and thrown into the present, Jungkook stared at her unreadable expression, but there were too many shadows and his vision was too clouded with what was.

“Come on. We can’t stay here,” she murmured gently, pulling him along.

-

“I’m not letting you go home alone. It’s not safe.”

“What do you think I’ve been doing all this time? Teleporting?” You scowled. “Besides, turns out your apartment is closer to here and mine is further down. It makes no sense for you to double back.”

One thing about Jeon Jungkook was that once he got an idea in his head, he was more stubborn than an ox. It was true back then when he was chasing after your ass and it was true right now. He was frowning at you and furrowing his eyebrows. The frustrated expression was broken by how big his dark brown eyes were.

“I keep telling you it’s not a big deal for me, noona. I don’t mind.”

“This isn’t about whether or not you mind,” you sighed grumpily. “It just doesn’t make sense. Fine. Fine, do whatever you want.”

Which was how you ended up in a taxi with Jungkook, crammed in the backseat of a tiny sedan with a grandpa who didn’t make small talk and blasted trot music. Well, it probably would have felt less tiny if Jungkook wasn’t right next to you like a big fabric blob. You hadn’t paid much attention to how crowded you had been on the bus since you were already weighed down by half-dead guitarist and his guitar. You had thought Hyungu had been playing up his drunkenness for the attention but he had thoroughly passed out by the time the bus had arrived. He was a lightweight so you weren’t super worried to leave him alone. Then again, you couldn’t tell Jungkook to get lost and leave you at another guy’s apartment, because what kind of message would that send?

Not that Jungkook’s opinion of how you spent your time mattered.

It had just felt rude, that was all.

You were kind of worried about him anyway. You witnessed him zoning out and simply standing there twice already. Boy was gonna get kidnapped one of these days. Sheesh. The car rolled to a stop. You paid the driver through the app and thanked him, getting a wordless nod in return. Cool. Opened the car door and climbed out, followed by a big shadowy blob.

Uh.

The car drove away.

“Jungkook, you should have asked him to drive you to your place,” you pointed out.

Those big brown eyes looked from your apartment complex to you. “Huh?”

Was the heck is on his mind? You sighed and pulled up the taxi app again. “Give me your address. I did say I’ll pay for it.”

“I, erm…”

You looked up at Jungkook’s uneasy tone. Confused. He looked uncomfortable and awkward, not really looking at you in the face.

“I kinda have to go.”

You blinked at him.

He waved his hands. “Eh, it’s fine. I’ll go find a bush or something. Um.”

“Jungkook, I’m not letting you pee in a bush. Do you see this place? You think they’ll let me continue living here after seeing on one of their cameras that my guest peed in a bush?”

He looked from the white walls to the stone fence to the black iron gate to the immaculately clean, very neatly trimmed, small ball-shaped bushes. They weren’t even knee-height. “I-I-I just don’t want you to t-think…” He shifted, wavering a bit. Eyes darting in every direction. “It was all the water and the alcohol earlier, um…” You sighed and turned around to punch in the code. “I didn’t want you to think I’m doing it on purpose.”

You paused.

Then you pushed the gate open and motioned him in.

“Come on before your piss yourself.”

Which was how you ended up sighing as you tossed your jacket onto your large charcoal sofa while Jungkook emptied his bladder in the bathroom of your apartment. At least you hoped that was what he was doing. You weren’t going to be a creep and try to listen for evidence. You flopped down, cozying into the soft but durable fabric. You wouldn’t have brought this couch if it wasn’t for the great deal and the ability for it to be modular, meaning you could lock the pieces together to make a bed and watch television, as well as also having the ability to make it look like an L-shaped sofa when you had guests over so that they didn’t know that you really put the potato in couch potato several times a week.

Hey.

Money well spent.

Of course, you usually only had very few guests over. Occasional one to warm the bed and maybe hosting Hyungu’s band members. Not at the same time. Duh. You weren’t trying to traumatize the five friends you had – Hyungu and the other four band members. Yeah. Wasn’t much, but they existed, even though they were busy right now being Korean men and all that. Soon, Hyungu would be egg-headed and off to duty too. You puffed out your cheeks. Temporary, of course, and yet.

Who knows what could happen?

You were always prepared to find yourself alone.

Wouldn’t be the first time to come home, only to realize home didn’t exist.

It never had.

You heard commotion and Jungkook reappeared, looking relieved. Probably because he was. “Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off.

You stood up.

You were past the wishing phase. The pretending phase. Past the numbness and looking for promises when there were none. Expectation was only the precursor to disappointment, after all. To be honest, if it wasn’t for your carnal sex drive, you would be past the distractions too. Good to know you weren’t completely ready to throw in the towel yet. If it wasn’t for someone relying on you, you as well have chosen to fade away.

If it wasn’t for…

You made eye contact with Jeon Jungkook, even though you didn’t want to.

Before today, you really wouldn’t have cared about seeing someone you used to date. Past was in the past. You had made a lot of bad decisions. So far, they hadn’t come back to haunt you yet. As you stared into those big brown eyes, frozen in place by your sudden attention, you wondered what you could say to assure him that you were different from back then. You could admit it now. You could admit back then you were weaker than anybody else, fighting your own demons by running away, wondering what was wrong with you to have parents who fought every day and did everything to run away from their internal struggles except the solution of divorce, and you could admit now that you took out that loss on everyone else around you, all the while knowing the reality.

That was just how life was, sometimes.

Life didn’t know fair and unfair. People made choices without caring about the consequences all the time. You didn’t care enough back then, because you knew you wouldn’t know what to do if they cared back. You knew you could never be beloved when you had nothing and no one to call home.

I don’t want to avoid reality, even if I’m afraid.

The past memories flickered like a whirling panorama – Jungkook nervous in front of you, trying to ask about how the automated system worked so he could get ramyeon with the soft-boiled egg at the PC bang in the dead of night. Playing computer games with him, laughing because he wasn’t very good but still trying for some reason. Learning that he wasn’t doing very well in university and that he was trying to do the escapism thing while working on his video editing business on the side. Sharing a bed with him, not saying anything about how all your belongings only fit in one duffel bag. He didn’t have to know. His face between your hands. Kisses that took his worries away. Body to body, warm for the first time in a long time. Your fingertips walking up his chest, all the way to his rattling heartbeat, turning a simple night into a fantasy.

The thought of your actions having any positive effect seemed foreign and impossible.

But maybe that was the victim mentality talking.

“Can I ask you something, Jungkook?”

He looked surprised. “M…Me?”

You hooked your thumbs into the belt loops of your jeans, doing something with your hands so they wouldn’t fidget about. Even now, he was the same. There was still this persistent innocence about him, stubbornly sticking around as if he could be young forever. He still believed in something, even if life kept trying to tell him time and time again that it wasn’t true.

“Do you still have feelings for me?”

You saw the whirlwind flash through his eyes.

Guilt. Nervousness. Uncertainty. Helplessness, wondering if he was asking for something that could never be given. He was still so easy to read. Those big brown eyes couldn’t hide anything and it wasn’t his nature to lie. There were stars in his eyes.

Those stars were tears.

“You said… You said you can’t feel love,” he shuddered, blinking hard.

There wasn’t much space between you and him. Somewhere around a meter. But it felt like light-years of desolate space and sudden heartache from a heart you weren’t sure you had. Maybe you were born with one, but all flowers wither with no care. You were the desert and he was the ocean, at least in the emotional sense.

You wanted to insist.

I can know love!

But, could you?

You collected a breath and nodded. “I wanted to say I’m sorry for back then. For using you, even though you probably don’t think you were used. For breaking the unspoken promise I couldn’t understand.”

Jungkook looked back at you. His voice small, stranded and lost.

“I have never fallen in love after you, noona.”

You were different now, you told yourself, but maybe you weren’t really and that was the problem.

“It’s impossible to fall in love when I have always been in love with you.”

You opened your mouth to tell him that was silly. It had only been a couple months. You hadn’t even really been that attentive. It had been a short-lived romance, if you could call fucking constantly and gaming at the PC bang at three in the morning that. A fleeting gratification. A sharp burst that lit up the timeline of a very long and eventful life that Jeon Jungkook would have. Nothing more.

Just…

A pop of peppermint gum.

You had meaningful relationships. Ones that taught you things about yourself and people. Maybe even ones that other people could consider love, depending on what their definition was.

But, then there was…

Jungkook.

You opened your mouth to tell him he was silly but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Had it been love?

And could it still be love?

“You… You don’t even know what I’m like now,” you blew out, suddenly feeling winded. “I could be a total asshole.” You looked away, tucking your tongue in your cheek.

“But I helped you make sure you got your friend and his guitar home safe?” Jungkook questioned, sounding confused. “Would a total asshole would do that?”

“I don’t know,” you rambled, not so sure about anything anymore. “I mean… you’ve only just met me again after how long?”

“A really long time,” Jungkook answered, frown in his tone.

“Yeah, exactly.” You latched on, not caring that he didn’t even calculate it. “How do you know it’s not rose-tinted glasses and all that?”

He shrugged. Glanced at you. “I don’t really think I have the brainpower for that, noona.”

You stared at him.

Jungkook shrugged again.

You shook your head. “You can’t say that about yourself.”

He scratched his cheek, looking sheepish. “At least I know where I’m still lacking?”

You let out an exasperated sigh. “No, you–”

He beat you to it.

“Do I have to understand?”

You froze, realizing you had taken a few steps towards him, perhaps in hopes of shaking some sense into him. This was crazy. This didn’t make any sense. This was only a coincidence turned convoluted by memories, tangled emotions, circumstance…

“My mind might forget, but my body always remembered. There is only you for me.”

Your head snapped up, seeing his soft smile. The recall was so fierce that it was déjà vu, except you had been the one with the gentle smile and he had been the one lost, wondering if you were afraid of losing his love. Now. His short black hair a little windswept, his dark brown eyes a little glassy, and yet he smiled at you, mole peeking out from under the center of his lower lip. Do I have to understand? To understand was to know and to know was to be sure that you were in love, except that you said so yourself that sometimes the thoughts didn’t quite catch up to the heart.

He looked embarrassed, abruptly looking away, letting out a shaky breath.

“It’s just… I think I knew it all along but, even if I know, it doesn’t mean I can change your mind, ha… ha, can you imagine, running off to track you down, you would just think I’m crazy, and if I jeopardized your happiness for my own selfishness, I don’t think I could live with myself… and, anyway…”

He wasn’t really looking at anything anymore.

“Even if what I wanted was ugly, our time was beautiful.”

You stepped forward.

“It’s a common, basic story, isn’t it? My wish for us to be exceptional is too foolish,” Jungkook laughed weakly. Rambling. Speaking from his heart but still unable to focus on the present.

You reached forward.

“I wanted everything about you. I still do.”

Your fingertip touched his cheek.

“Don’t cry,” you finally said.

He froze.

You wiped away a fallen star, the overhead lights of your apartment catching the tears before Jungkook even realized they were there. You brushed the droplet away, but they were falling, falling, and he turned his head, still not really registering what was happening, even as the base of your palms pressed into his cheeks and swept his tears away, quickly breathless as you were captured by the universes entangled in his eyes. You could feel the wetness on your skin. The shudder in his breath. His hands came up to touch your wrists, and you still believed you couldn’t be enough for him, even now, but your body responded on its own, cradling his face, bringing him to you.

“Please don’t cry,” you said again, softly, and realized you said it because, a long time ago, you would have done anything to have someone tell you that in the past, please don’t cry. So, you told Jungkook instead.

He was someone as precious as a memory.

And, yes, even if your thoughts didn’t catch up right away, you pulled him to you, body to body, feeling him shiver, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this isn’t very manly of me, and like clockwork you told him to shut up and cry, holding him because you remembered he liked to be held. You had told him back then that you weren’t really the type to cuddle, but he had finally confessed late one night that he yearned to be close to you, even if only for a little while, and that he had been afraid to admit it in fear of pushing you away. So, you relented, if only to comfort him and make him happy.

Is that love?

“It’s okay to cry,” you murmured gently, stroking his hair. “It’s just not okay to cry alone.”

He buried his eyes into your shoulder and wept.

He was still in his jacket, swamping you with his frame and excess layers. You placed your arms around his waist under his parka, feeling his warm and shaking frame, gently placing your hands on his shoulder blades.

“I’m sorry… I-I don’t k-know why I’m c-crying…”

“Shh…”

You tugged him along. Step by step, and made him sit on the sofa with you, curled up in a tangle of limbs with your hands on his back. His body was hot from emotion, and he pulled his arms out of his jacket to wipe his nose and eyes with his hoodie sleeves, still not looking at you, and you gave him the privacy, not looking at him either, only holding him as close as possible and keeping his parka on his shoulders, covering you and him together.

“T-This wasn’t how… I t-thought… how I would be hugging you a-again…” Jungkook sobbed quietly, leaning his forehead against your shoulder.

You held him close.

“Yeah, well, nothing is really turning out how you or I planned it. Mostly because neither of us had a plan to begin with.”

He laughed, albeit feebly and wetly, but you just smiled and placed your hand on his head again, running your fingers through his hair. You didn’t have a grand speech planned. You didn’t even really know the right words to say or the correct way to organize your thoughts. You simply leaned him against you, nestled in the cushions, and kept your arms wrapped around him for a long, long time.

-

click here for part ii

--

masterpost

#jungkook x reader #bts smut #jungkook x you #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you

[iocity]

ASL ‘Merica AU where Ace constantly beats himself up about not being able to live with his brothers during the semester. As rough and tough as he would like to appear, he calls them every day, RELIGIOUSLY, and sometimes multiple times a day (Luffy misses him so he doesn’t mind at all, hell sometimes Luffy calls Ace back to back just to yap. Sabo finds it endearing how much Ace cares, but he will NEVER admit it due to their ongoing older brother rivalry and also his pride). He is such a big softie, and everyone who knows him knows all about his brothers (he carries ALL of their school/his fav pics in his wallet or bag. I mean from THE WEEK that they met. His self-introduction isn’t complete without showing at least one pic of him and his brothers). One night he calls them at like 3am, absolutely out his damn mind WASTED (Luffy and Sabo are laughing their asses off, bc Ace is an EMOTIONAL drunk), just to rant about how much he values their presence and feels like he needs to be there for them more. Sabo calls him back FIRST thing in the morning at like 7am (Sabo hopes he wakes Ace up out of his hangover nap just because Sabo wants to be as annoying as humanly possible in the shortest amount of time), and Ace is SO embarrassed. Not even a hi or hello, the first thing Sabo hears on the line is Ace’s groggy ass voice mumbling:

“I will fucking kill you if you utter a single fucking word.”

And what does Sabo say (the little shit)?

“Aww, just wanted to call my big brother on this fine morning and ask him how it felt to be a complete wet rag. I almost gagged this morning; I mean you really laid it on thick. ‘I miss you guys’ and ‘tell Luffy not to get into too much trouble’ or, maybe even my personal favorite, ‘don’t overwork yourself Sabo and make sure to sleep and eat well. If you die I’ll drag you back down and kill you myself’. You’ve gone soft I fear… and the sobbing?? I mean really you’ve outdone yourself.”

Ace would see red if he wasn’t on the verge of vomiting (and if Sabo’s impression of him wasn’t mildly hilarious). All Sabo hears (over his own laughter ofc) is a slew of curses and pained groans accompanied by heavy footfalls before the line cuts with a final venomous, “Fuck you.”

When Luffy bombards the ASL group chat a few hours later with a chipper voice message detailing how he just casually finished running from the cops, Ace is bout ready to book a flight back. The only thing that stops him is Luffy sending a quick:

“Oh! I love you too Ace, I never got to say it back because you kept crying like a little baby!”

Of course, seconded by Sabo with a little heart reaction and a slew of laughing emojis (Sabo may not say it directly often, but Ace thinks the heart reaction is enough). Despite the raging embarrassment (and the mild murderous intent) he felt at that moment, his lips quirked up into a smile as he read it. He may let the bullying slide just this once (he has gone soft, but maybe he doesn’t mind it).

Masterlist!

Tags :) : @porschethemermaid

#another one thank you #i put my adhd on the mic for this one #ASLmerica AU iostyle #one piece #op sabo #sabo #revolutionary sabo #sabo the revolutionary #flame emperor sabo #fire fist ace #ace #op ace #portgas d. ace #luffy #op luffy #mugiwara no luffy #straw hat luffy #op posting #op #saboposting #aceposting #luffyposting #modern AU #found family