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widow-maximov · 3 years

Note

can you do a one shot where we’re with wanda and nat but thor brings valkyrie down to the compound for the first time and we get super flustered and stuttery whenever she talks and flirts with us because cmon we all know valkyrie is a big flirt😩😩🤲🏼 then having wanda and nat are amused but also jealous by our little crush on valkyrie

New Crush?

Pairing: Natasha x Wanda x Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst :3

Summary: What happens if you develop a crush on someone else than your girlfriends; Wanda and Natasha.

Word count: 3.7k

My requests are always open so feel more than welcome to pop in a suggestion for the next story :3

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

Having queer teammates will never be enough, you were first open queer person on the team which was something everyone liked about you, though you were open about your sexuality, you were pretty shit at flirting and that was pretty obvious.

Before Wanda and Natasha, you tried your luck at flirting with women as practice but it failed so horribly when you received a hard slap across your face and then you owned Bucky 20 bucks.

So when you said you sucked, you really sucked. You were beyond happy that the two redheads asked you out first because you would be still single if it was up to you to make a move.

The two women were very possessive over you in the teams eyes, you didn't really mind because you knew the reason behind it, but most of the team was a little worried about you and them.

Whenever there was a party that Tony organised, there were a lot of 'threats', well that was only according to Wanda and Natasha, they disliked how everyone practically drooled over you.

Natasha would be the one who would threaten any man or woman approaching you and Wanda would use her powers to 'gently' move away anyone who gotten too close to you.

The only reason they really became this protective was because of your fear of saying no, there was always something in you that just wanted to say yes to everyone when in reality you wanted to say no.

If someone offered you a drink, you said yes to which you nearly got drugged and god knows what would've happened if Steve didn't save you.

So when you became really close with Wanda and Natasha, you opened up to them and they decided that they will now keep an eye out for you at parties and people around you.

Of course the team didn't know anything about this because you were pretty ashamed of this fear, you didn't want to get laughed at, even if Natasha threatened to punch anyone who would, to which she earned a giggle from you.

You really loved these two women but you were a human being, meaning you might have a crush on other people, to which the two girls were not happy with.

The team was pretty shocked by how they reacted because usually they would be throwing threats left and right at anyone but when Thor brought down Valkyrie they just stared from afar as they observed with death stares..

This had the team very curious to their behaviour so whenever you was around Valkyrie they just observed you and the two women. There was this time where the team almost died of shock...

There was an urgent meeting in the early morning whilst you wanted to sleep, you were forced to get out of the bed to attend this meeting, you were informed by F.R.I.D.A.Y. 5 times already that the meeting is going to start soon.

But the urge to get out of bed was really little, since there was no sign of you anywhere, the redheads where sent to get you before you missed any important information.

Wanda used her powers to unlock your door whilst Natasha barged inside with a sly smile across her lips. She plopped herself on you as you groaned at the extra weight on you.

"Sleepp!" Your raspy voice made itself out of your throat as you sounded like you were a zombie.

Wanda did the opposite of Natasha, she laid next to you as she moved your hair out of your face and just smiled at your relaxed face "You have to get up my love"

You opened one eye to look at her and smiled at the nickname "Say it again"

"Say what again" She repeated herself, she knew what she was doing, she just wanted to keep you awake.

"My love" Even if you were half asleep, the blush across your face was visible.

"My love.." Wanda said it with so much love in her voice which made your heart skip a beat.

"Hello! I am here as well don't forget about me" Natasha made herself known.

You looked at her "Oh I know, I wouldn't forget the weight of a whale on me"

She raised her brows at you, as her mouth opened wide taking offence to your words whilst Wanda giggled "When did you pick up this attitude котенок (kitten)"

"From spending too much time with you" Wanda added as she looked at Natasha with a huge smile.

The redhead rolled her eyes at the both of you as she leaned down to your ear "Call me a whale again and you'll see the punishment that comes with"

You nodded quickly to which she smirked and got off you "If you're not down in 10 minutes and we have to come back again, I wont be so nice котенок (kitten)"

Wanda quickly placed a soft kiss on your cheek and giggled out of the room along with Natasha, leaving you alone again, you really wanted to go back to sleep but you didn't want the Russian to literally drag you out.

You got out and got ready as quick as you could, making your way out of the room and where the meeting was being held, you ended up quick far away from your girlfriends than you would like to but you could only blame yourself for not getting up earlier.

Everyone looks your way which makes you panic a little so you turn around and there was Thor with some girl, she was gorgeous from head to toe, and she noticed you as well.

They both made their way towards the group to which she stood next to you, Thor started his speech to which you tried to listen to but she spoke up.

"What's your name sweetheart" She slightly turned her face to look at you.

A blush was already there on your face when you looked into her eyes "Uh.. Y-y/n"

There was a slight smirk across her face, as she looked away a little and then back at you "Nice to meet you Y/n, I'm Valkyrie but you can call me Val"

You smiled shyly at her and looked at the floor briefly as you nodded, she spoke up again when you didn't reply "Are you doing anything after this?"

You shook your head, your eyes finding hers within seconds, she smiled widely "Could you maybe give me a proper tour?"

It took a second to realise what she just asked, you didn't even think about looking over at your girlfriends, you just nodded "S-sure I wouldn't mind"

Valkyrie bit her bottom lip "Well Thank you princess"

You giggled very awkwardly which didn't go unnoticed by the whole team or the two redheads "Heh- You don't have to thank me"

Valkyrie reached over to your hand as she grabbed it gently and placed a light kiss on your hand "None sense, pretty women like you deserve the world"

Your checks turning a more red colour as you watch her kiss your head, it felt like your brain stopped working and you just nodded at her because words will betray you if you speak.

Steve ended the meeting soon after and before Natasha or Wanda could make their way to you, you were being dragged away by Valkyrie.

Suddenly all of the teams heads turned towards the two redheads as if to expect a reaction, they looked at each other and then back at the team.

Natasha narrowed her eyes "What?"

They all shrugged and mumbled stuff under their noses, slowly scattering all over the place to avoid the black widows stare, shocking each and every one of them to core with their lack of reaction.

This has happened a lot, Valkyrie being all over you and you being okay with it, after that first day, many followed and you were practically all the time busy with her.

She took most of your time which Wanda didn't like, Natasha was more amused by your sudden confidence, usually you would be a mess when it came to choices.

But when you were with her you tried your best to show off as confident which failed so badly, you were a mess around her which only annoyed Wanda more.

She wanted to confront you about it but Natasha kept discouraging her, she trusted you but Wanda started to question it at some point in this whole situation.

"Natasha we can't just stand by and watch as she slowly takes our Y/n away!" Wanda paced around the room.

Natasha was on her phone during Wanda rant, she has been through this with her many times but with each issue raised by Wanda, she slowly started to believe her.

"Mhm" Natasha agreed, not paying attention to what Wanda was saying.

"Would you listen to me!" She raised her voice and soon Natasha's phone went flying across the room.

"Hey! I was reading something" Natasha stood up from the bed as she walked over to Wanda.

"I am talking to you Nat, it's really important" Wanda's voice turned soft as Natasha walked closer.

"I was listening, I understand what you're feeling but you shouldn't question Y/n's trust, you know Y/n would never do something like that" Natasha crossed her arms as she started to explain.

Wanda nodded "I know and I'm not questioning her trust, I just don't like how she talks all about Valkyrie, it's like we are her friends rather than girlfriends"

The Russian looked down for a brief moment and Wanda continued "She doesn't swoon over us anymore, she gets all flustered and all nervous like she was with us at first but now it's nothing"

Natasha shook her head "Okay, that's not true"

"But it is, I haven't seen it at all lately" Now Wanda crossed her arms.

"I'm sure it's not true" Now Natasha tried to sound convincing but something in her was saying that Wanda was right.

"Then prove me wrong" Wanda raised her eyebrow at Natasha "Please..." there was a hint of pain in the plead that came from Wanda.

"Okay, I will show you she still is ours Wands" Natasha had a sad smile across her lips as she pulled Wanda into her.

She kissed the top of Wanda's head as she rubbed her hand down the smaller redheads back, to which you witnessed as you walked inside the room.

Your heart nearly burst at the sight of them being so cute, you wanted to join them but Val was waiting for you along with some teammates, you guys were watching a movie.

"Aww, if we weren't a couple, I would totally ship the two of you together" You spoke up as you stared at them with love in your eyes.

Their heads snapped towards your voice, they pulled away to which you spoke up again "Aww noo, I didn't want to disturb yous"

"You never disturb us котенок (kitten)" Natasha voice made itself known rather quickly, the butterflies in your stomach always been there just by looking at the two women so imagine what their voices did to you.

You nodded with a smile at them as you walked over to take your favourite pillow when you watched movies, Wanda's eyes followed you as she asked "What is it that you are doing my love?"

You looked up at her with a small smile "Me and some of the team are watching a movie so I wanted to get my pillow.."

Wanda nodded "You didn't invite us..?"

Here came the tension, whenever Wanda didn't like something and made her jealousy known, you would always just ignore her for the rest of the day, she always treated you like you weren't allowed to hang out with her around.

You knew it was only because she was scared that if she wasn't there and something happened to you she would blame herself but you had protection, not only the team but Valkyrie.

"Well, I wasn't sure whether yous wanted to, Val will be there and I know that you don't exactly like her, for whatever reason that is" You stood up with your pillow in hand.

"I have a perfect reason Y/n!" Wanda slightly raised her voice.

Natasha sighed "Okay, come on we don't need to fight about this.."

"I'm not fighting, I just don't understand why Val is hated so much by Wanda" You looked at Natasha as you spoke up.

The Sokovian huffed in irritation "She is all over you моя любовь (My love) and you're not doing anything about it. You spend more time with her than us combined"

You rolled your eyes, not really thinking through what she was saying "When you stop being jealous then we can have this conversation Wanda"

"I have enough of this" Wanda threw her hands in the air.

You rolled your eyes again as you walked of the room, this time not saying anything and walked on to the living room where everyone was waiting for you.

The whole movie you couldn't really concentrate, your mind was filled with Wanda and how this whole disagreement went, you love her so much and you would be damned if you lost her but she didn't have to be so rude to you.

But at the same time you weren't the best either, you were just as bitter as she was, you wanted to fix this but maybe not tonight, she needs to calm down and you just wanted to think before going into this conversation.

Valkyrie noticed your absent from the movie, she kept looking over at you, and as soon as the movie finished, you stood up as you made your way to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

Natasha followed you into the kitchen as she smirked, Wanda wasn't far from the kitchen to see how this would play out, she was standing with Vision, Bucky and Steve.

There was always something about Natasha that just screamed top energy but when she really wanted to she was the most softest person you could meet.

She slowly made her way towards you with a small smile across her lips as she hugged you gently from behind, placing her hands where you always relaxed into her "I hate it when you're sad детка (baby)"

You leaned into her hug with your back against her front "I'm more disappointed than sad Talia"

She placed a soft kiss on your neck as she spoke again "have I told you, you're the most beautiful woman alive?"

You chuckled slightly as you nodded "Yeah you did but you always said that to Wanda many times"

Natasha smiled against your neck "Well because the two of you rock my world"

Natasha's compliments always had you stuttering and flustered but with time you have gotten used to those love filled compliments even if they still make your heart skip a beat.

"How about we take a wine bottle up to the roof and just talk about everything?" Natasha spoke when silence slowly settled.

You moved out of the hug as you faced her, with a sad smile "Not tonight"

You placed a gentle kiss on her cheek as you walked out with a tin of cookies, you looked up at Wanda who looked like she was ready to approach you but you just continued on.

Valkyrie observed the scene that unfolded and as soon as you walked away, she followed you. Wanda didn't want to cause more trouble than it already has happened so she let Valkyrie follow you even if she wanted to literally lock her in some closet.

You sat on the roof with your cookies and some drink that you managed to grab from the party room, you looked out into the city and how each of the lights made it look so much prettier.

Valkyrie observed you for some time before making her way to sit next to you "Pretty women like you should never be left alone"

You looked up at Val as you smiled at her words, you were debating if opening your mouth was a good idea so instead she spoke up again "So tell me pretty woman what's bothering you"

You looked away from her because if you were going to speak up, you didn't want to stutter "I had a fight with Wanda.."

Val nodded "Your other girlfriend?"

You nodded as you continued "Her jealousy is really tiring"

"How so" She asked as she turned her whole body towards you.

"Her constant doubt makes me go crazy, I just really want her to trust me and my choices in life, she's not even acting like a girlfriend but a mother or some shit" You explained as you looked down at your hands.

Valkyrie moved closer to you as her fingers found your chin, making you look at her "Y/n you deserve someone who will never doubt their love for you, it makes my heart break just seeing you so sad"

You swallowed hardly as you stared into her eyes, even if you told Valkyrie many times that you were taken, she still tried her best to make you fall for her, it would work if you weren't so in love with the two dorky redheads.

"She doesn't doubt in the love between us-" You tried to speak up but Val only put her finger on your lips to shush you.

"I would never spend a second in my life doubting my love for you, you are the most smartest, funniest and nerdy woman I have ever met and I wish you would look at me the same way you look at them"

You started to feel the blush appear on your face, you smiled at her "I don't doubt but they have my heart Val, I have already told you that"

She dropped her hand from your chin as she nodded "I know, You will always have my heart Y/n if that's something you would want"

You smiled at her being so understanding and gentle with this "You're an amazing friend Val and I'm sure that one day you'll find someone who will want you right away instead of making you wait for something that might not happen"

She smiled at your words as she placed her hand on top of yours "You should talk to her before things get worse and you lose her forever"

"I will but at the moment I want to finish my drink and sit here for couple more hours before going back to that issue"

She nodded as she was ready to get up but you stopped her "W-would you stay with me for now? I don't want to be alone"

She nodded with no hesitation as she let you place your head on her shoulder, as the both of you looked out into the city, admiring the view and enjoying this quiet moment.

After couple hours, you finally had enough energy and courage to speak to Wanda, you walked inside the shared room where Natasha was laying down with her laptop on her lap and Wanda with a book.

You sighed as you cleared your throat, making yourself known to the two redheads, they both looked up at you at the same time, you walked over to Wanda's side as you sat on the edge.

Even though you smelt like cookies and some alcohol, you felt like you had enough courage to finally speak out "Can we talk?"

Wanda stared at you for a moment "You're drunk"

You shook your head "No, I just had one glass but I want to talk because I don't want to go bed with this issue unsolved"

Wanda wanted to refuse but Natasha agreed for her, especially since she knew there wouldn't be another opportunity to solve this "Yes we can talk and solve this"

"You were right Wands, I don't spend time with yous anymore and I hate myself for leaving yous behind like that"

Wanda looked at you as you spoke "That's not the issue here Y/n/n, you can have friends and spend crazy amounts of time with them but at least be honest with us"

You looked at her confused "Honest about what?"

"That you no longer love us, we at least deserve this" She looked into your eyes with pain.

You shook your head as you took her hand into yours "I never stopped loving yous"

Natasha smiled at your words as she knew she was right, Wanda questioned once again "So why is she all over you Y/n/n?"

"She knows yous have my heart and every second of my attention, I could never fall for anyone else apart from yous, she likes me but I don't feel anything towards her"

Natasha raised her brows "So she doesn't take hint? Do you want me to tell her something so she can back off?"

You giggled at her "No baby, I can manage with her you don't need to threat anyone"

"I'm sorry my love, I never doubted in you but I was just scared that I would lose you, you and the redhead over here are my whole world I'm really sorry for how I behaved" Wanda's grip on your hand tightened.

You smiled as Natasha frowned "What do you mean redhead over here? For you I am Солнечный свет (sunshine)"

You and Wanda looked over at Natasha as you giggled at her being offended, Wanda nodded as she placed a light kiss on Nats cheek to which she smiled proudly.

You stared at them with so much love in your eyes "I am completely in love with the pair of you"

It has taken back the redheads as now they tried to form words, their butterflies being so strong that now you giggled "Now yous have the nervous, this is a first"

Natasha chuckled "we are in love with you just as much Y/n/n"

You smiled as you squeezed yourself in between the two girls as they showered you in kisses, for the first time in a while, you felt like life was getting better within seconds and finally being able to feel like you are on top of the world with the two most important women.

⸻⸻⋙☸🗲⋘⸻⸻

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365 notes · View notes

foryouthegays · 3 years

Text

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in)

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive.

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home.

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at 01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur] a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it.

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it)

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc.

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary 02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk?????

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend.

#stream post

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portals-to-a-new-world · 4 years

Text

Black Dresses and Back Alleys

(Butcher gif credit goes to @urban-trek-thru-middle-earth, and the edit is mine. Don’t ask why the gif is running so fast I couldn’t get it any slower. Open to suggestions lmao)

Who?: Billy Butcher x Reader

What?: Inspired by this post by @becs-bunker (thank you once again for letting me borrow the idea, love). Undercover in a night club to seduce a Vought scientist, with Butcher as your backup. What could go wrong?

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Does Butcher even need a language tag at this point? Smut. Portals? Writing smut? Why, it’s unheard of!!! Nah y’all know me this is smutty af. Specific warnings: Jealous!Butcher, Hints of Dom/sub, Public(ish) Smut, Fingering.

A/n: Hello everyone! Quick shout outs to @becs-bunker for the inspiration, and as always the illustrious @bakerstreethound for being a literal actual angel in human form, whom I thank every higher power for. I love ya. Also, shoutout to Sandmann on AO3 for helping out with some plot and general editing. You rock my dear. I wrote this with the dress in the picture above in mind, but feel free to read it as what ever sleeveless short dress you want :)

Going undercover in a night club to seduce some asshole scientist from Vought was not your ideal Saturday night. The mark was a new promotion in Vought and was more than happy to run his mouth once you got a few drinks in him. Bragging seemed to be his favorite thing to do, other than grinding like a 17-year-old boy at his first prom. It did provide a source of entertainment, though. Butcher had come as your backup, and never left your field of view for more than a minute. More than once you'd caught sight of Butcher scowling in your direction as the mark pulled you in close to whisper in your ear, or when his hand dropped a little too low while you were dancing. It finally came to a head, though, when the man led you over to a small VIP section and pulled you into his lap. You giggled and played along, trying to steer the conversation towards what he was working on for Vought. Turning all of your focus to getting him to tell you about the mysterious Compound V, you nearly jumped out of your skin when Butcher's voice cut through the noise.

"(Y/n)! Come ‘ere. I need to talk to ya." You jumped and turned to see Butcher stood just outside the ropes, glaring at the man, and his gaze sending ice through your veins. The idiot scientist didn't seem intimidated; however, he just scoffed and pulled you further into his lap.

"Sorry, mate," He said, making a terrible impression of Butcher's accent. "She's busy," You giggled and placed a hand on the man's chest, trying to salvage the situation, but you knew it was naught when you looked back over at Butcher. He was pulling what you called his 'death smirk,' and god only knew what he was planning. You recovered your composure and leaned in to speak into the mark's ear.

"I'll just be a minute." Your voice dripped with honey sweetness, but when you stood to walk away his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist.

“And how do I know you will come back, sweetcheeks?” You cringed internally but offered him a sweet smile before leaning down to kiss him quickly. Seemingly satisfied, thank god he’s too drunk to press the matter, you turned and let your hips sway as you walked towards Butcher. As you approached, Butcher turned and started into the crowd.

Surely he's not pulling me out?

You hesitated at the ropes, causing him to turn back, and you could just barely hear his growl above the music.

"Now." You suppressed the outrage at his demand and turned back to shoot the scientist a wink. It took all of your focus not to storm off after Butcher, and you only grew angrier as he led you towards a back door. You didn't even flinch as he slammed the door open.

"What in the actual fuck is wrong with you? I nearly had him!" You exclaimed once the door shut. He didn't bother turning to look back at you as you moved to catch up with him.

"Yeah, nearly had his tongue down your throat, didn't ya?" He mumbled, clearly thinking you wouldn't hear. You reached out and grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Answer me. Why the fuck did you pull me out?" He glared at you for a moment before replying.

"He wasn't gonna tell us anything we didn't already know." He said.

Liar

You scoffed and darted around in front of him when he tried to walk away. "Don't bullshit me, Butcher. I've known you for too fucking long-"

"I didn't like the way he had his hands all over you, alright?!" You stopped in place, too stunned to believe it. Suddenly everything clicked into place.

"So the plan is to pick him up from this club on Saturday. He's there every weekend, so we know we'll definitely be able to grab him there. Then we bring him back here and-" Hughie cut MM off.

"Oh, don't tell me we're planning to kill him too," Hughie said, dragging a hand down his face. Butcher started to speak up, but you spoke first before he could give his little speech about whatever it takes.

"Why don't I go in?" Everyone turned to look at you. You shrugged and moved forward. "You said it's a night club, right? I'll go in undercover and get it out of him my way,"

"You mean fuck it out of him." Butcher scoffed, and you gave him a side-eye before continuing.

"It's easier that way too, he'll be too drunk to remember talking, and Vought won't be looking for the 6 stooges who kidnapped their new scientist."

"No." Butcher spat out. You turned to look at him in confusion. He avoided your gaze and looked back up at MM. "You, me, and Frenchie will wait for him and-"

"Butcher, if she's willing to go then-"

"I said no. It's too risky."

"And since when do you give a fuck?" You demanded. He finally turned to look at you, and you raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"You want to get yourself killed, fine. But I'm coming with you so I can wave at 'cha when Vought swoops in and drags you away."

Billy Butcher was jealous. So many thoughts rushed through your mind at once, and you shook your head to clear them before replying.

"And what gives you the right to pull me out when the mark gets a little handsy?" You demanded. The glare he sent you had you backing away until you were trapped between him and the wall.

"I protect what's mine." His voice was low and held a dark edge that sent chills down your spine.

"You don't own me, Butcher." The words had barely left your lips before he was slamming you back against the wall.

"No?" He asked, his face barely an inch from your own. You inhaled sharply as his hand yanked your skirt up, and he stroked two long fingers along your already dampening core. Another gasp escaped you as he leaned down to suck at your neck. "This cunt isn't mine? Sure did seem like it was the other night." You moaned as he pulled the fabric aside, circling your clit for a few moments. "That's a right shame." He growled against your ear, a finger just barely slipping inside you before he was suddenly gone, taking a step back to smirk as you whined and fell back against the wall.

"You don't get to pull this shit right now." You said, adjusting your skirt. "If you wanted me all to yourself, you should have fucking said so when you showed up at my door, begging me to help you and the boys. I told you then, no attachments. You fucked me over once already that first go around." Suddenly he was right back in front of you, tilting your head to look up at him.

"Better late than never, eh?" He growled, moving to kiss you, but he stopped right before your lips touched, waiting for you to make the final move. And, oh, how you wanted to. You'd fallen for him practically the moment you'd met him, and he'd known it. You didn't find out until too late that he could never have any affection for you. By then, he'd been fucking Susan behind your back, and you finally realized precisely the type of person he was. You'd convinced yourself after the team disbanded that you were over it, over him. Hell, even when he showed up at your door, you still almost kicked him out. And yet here you both were, after years of denial, scant inches apart, with him admitting he was jealous. Butcher pulled back slightly and tilted his head as he glared at you. "Cmon. Just admit it. Say you're mine." You glared back at him, anger and lust still pulsing through your veins. Finally, you groaned in frustration and reached up to pull him back in.

"Fuck you." You said and slammed into his lips in a harsh kiss. He matched your pace, pressing his body against you. You could feel him growing harder as you met again and again in rough and bruising kisses. A growl sounded deep in his chest as you tugged sharply on his hair. He pinned your wrists over your head with one hand before the other once again found its way beneath your skirt. You gasped and squirmed as he pulled the dress up before yanking your lacy thong down your legs. "Butcher-" He cut you off once again by slamming two fingers deep inside you, barely giving you any time to adjust before he was pumping them in and out at a brutal pace. You tugged against his hold on your wrists, trying to muffle the sounds escaping you, but he held firm and just moved to bite and suck at your neck, ignoring your pleas.

"How about I fuck you right here in this alleyway?" He growled in your ear. You whined as his thumb pressed hard against your clit. "Let the whole fucking world hear you moan for me," He continued his onslaught, driving you closer and closer to climax. Right as you were on the edge, he pulled away, leaving only his hand pinning your wrists. You bit your lip to stop from crying out and tried to focus back in. After a moment or two, you began to laugh breathlessly. "What the fuck's so funny?" He demanded.

"You say you own me, but who's the one begging to fuck me in an alleyway cause they got a little jealous when someone else played with their toy?" You said, relishing in the way his eyes flashed. Your laughter was stopped dead, though, as he leaned back in to resume sucking at your neck. You gasped as his hand slid into the top of your dress, palming your breast roughly.

"We need each other, luv." He pinched and rolled your nipple between his fingers and moved to give other the same attention as you continued to squirm. He chuckled as you stepped around awkwardly, your movements hampered by your thong still caught around your knees. "Having problems there?" You carefully dropped your head back against the wall and groaned.

"For fucks sake Butcher if you're gonna do something get on with it." You huffed. He pulled back to look at you, smug grin out in full force.

"Why? If you're not desperate for me, you can just run inside to your little twat and let him satisfy you. Ey?" He pulled your breasts free from your dress as he spoke, and you didn't have time to think before his lips were closing around a hardening peak. You moaned and arched your back into him, and he palmed and kneaded the other before switching sides.

"Butcher for the love of all that is holy-" He pulled off you, leaving his hand in place as he spoke.

"You want me to fuck you?" He smirked.

"Either that or let me go find someone who will," You yelped as he groped you hard. "FuCk! Please! I-" You screwed your eyes shut. "I need you." He finally released your wrists and slammed back into your lips. You reached down to step out of your thong, intending to just throw it somewhere, but he grabbed it from your hand and stuck it in his coat. Too far gone to care, you pulled him back in, fumbling with his pants' fastenings. Finally, you pulled his throbbing cock free, and he groaned as you gave him a few strokes. "Whose cock is this, Butch?" You said mockingly. He glared at you and pulled your hand off before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a foil packet. He tore it open and rolled the condom on quickly before grabbing your ass and lifting you up. You wrapped your legs around him instinctively and hissed as he brushed against you.

"Whose cunt am I about to destroy?" He snarked as he moved to where the wall was taking most of your weight, freeing his hand to guide himself into you. You whined and clung to his shoulders as he filled and stretched you inch by delicious inch. Before he could move, the sound of the door slamming open had you scrambling in panic. Butcher only pushed further into you, moving in close enough to cover your exposed body with his coat as a whimper escaped you.

"(Y/fake/n)?" It was the scientist, and Butcher let out a huff at the sound of his voice. You willed the man to just go away, but his voice only drew nearer. "Hey, Brit! You scare my pussy away?"

Ah shit

Butcher made a noise akin to an animalistic growl and pulled his hips back, so only the tip remained inside you. He locked eyes with you, and you shook your head at him, but it was no use as he called over his shoulder.

"Sorry, mate," Butcher said. He slammed his hips back forward, drawing a desperate gasp from your lips. "She's busy." Your eyes slammed shut in mortification, and you could feel your cheeks heating up. Butcher smirked against your neck as his plan worked, the man cussing him out but finally leaving. As you heard the door open and close, you considered smacking the smug bastard. Right as you opened your mouth to speak though Butcher repeated his action, drawing another cry from you.

"B-butcher-" You whimpered, and he tsked before slamming into you three more times, making you claw at his shoulders and cry out.

"Nowhere near loud enough, love." He dropped his head to your neck, biting and sucking marks as he gripped your ass tighter and pounded you into the wall. "I want to hear you scream." Your fingers continued to dig into his shoulders as each thrust drove you higher and higher. "Fuck." He swore and began to pick up his pace. You gasped and whimpered incoherent syllables mixed with pleading his name as a fire started to form in your core.

He may be a madman, but every move of his hips, every touch of his fingers, and kiss from his lips seemed to be perfectly thought out to drive you to the brink of insanity. Someone could have walked right up to the two of you, and you doubt you would have cared, too consumed with the pleasure zapping through every cell of your body like lightning. Only he had this effect on you. Only he could convince you to give in to him with barely any effort at all. Yes, Billy Butcher was crazy, but not a single part of you cared as the spark in your core ignited, and you muffled your scream in his shoulder. Butcher groaned as you clenched around him, and doubled his efforts, panting hard as you begged him to let you have a moment to recover. It was pointless though, already the coil was beginning to tighten again, and this time when you came, your whole body shook, and it took all of his strength to keep you both from falling as you squeezed his own orgasm from him. He quickly slid out of you and stood you on your feet as you both gasped for air, the aftershocks jolting you into whimpering. You eventually managed to regain your brain function, quickly fixing your dress and hair before holding your hand out towards Butcher. "What?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. You rolled your eyes and huffed.

"You know what. Give me my panties." You said indignantly. He tilted his head and grinned at you. "Ugh. Perv." His grin turned predatory as he turned to walk towards his car, reaching in his jacket to pull them out and dangle them off a finger.

"You're not gonna need them tonight, luv."

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Tags (as always if you’d like to be removed or if I forgot you feel free to yell at me. If you’d like to be added, click here):

@bakerstreethound @bookscoffeeandracoons @becs-bunker @lt-trick @billybutchersbabe @emily-strange @below-average-fangirl @brideofedoras @nora-hewlett @im-like-reallythirsty @fairytale07 @waaaaaaitwhat @rayray1463 @mblaqgi

#billy butcher x reader #smut #language #honestly i just need to dip this blog in holy water at this point

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jiang-xinfei · 3 years

Text

Ok new fanfic Idea because of tumbler and honestly my mind is filled with nothing but plot but I cant write them😀cause I have no fcking motivation which sucks but anyways

So it nie huaisang cause why not? Ok first of all no one knew this but nie huaisang was studying demonic cultivation under Wei wuixian after and during the war while his dage wasn't there cause he kinda? Accidentally found it while he was being a sneaky little bitch and went to go and look for there sect scripts in his brothers room and found the secret about there sects saber. He knew smt was wrong with there sabers ever since he was a kid and saw them qi devitate and there strong but he didn't expect it to be this bad!!! Really! So when he found it he was determined to find a way to make it safe cause his pretty sure his dage wouldn't want to even change or bend down there Cultivation so he tries to learn and find a way using his knowledge in cloud recess he might not look like it but really his a genius his mind works the same as Meng Yao when it comes to absorbing knowledge but more he'll just glance at it once and he'll remember it not to mention once he learns/read smt he can master it in a few mins but he lies and puts up a facade as an idle young master who loves arts I mean cmon! Ik his throwing away his talent and all and he doesn't deserve it but who would want to put effort on smt he clearly doesn't need to?? No Offense on those who puts effort tho but really? If he can work smart and not hard he'd gladly take it and be idle and if push comes to serve then he'll be competent and use it only in the shadows tho like his mom did i mean cmon if he can't use his information net work that covers there whole continent to his wants then that's just stupid after all his mother only gave him 1/3 of what has to come in there info net works now but yea anyways so he looks for a way but couldn't find one unless he learns demonic cultivation he was scared at first ofc but after hearing through his information net work about wei-xiong he does it I mean what worse couldve happen? And besides his almost the same like Wei wuixian anyways just more practical and logical and also not a sacrificing idiot so he learns until he got caught by Wei wuixian really the only one who can see through his facade is Wei wuixian but his ok with it since he trusts him there like brothers so he knows so he tells Wei wuixian about it and why his learning demonic cultivation with some scolding on him and the next Wei wuixian said that he'll help and teach him to be safe and that's a command cause of he doesn't he'll tell his dage which is really scary especially when it comes through Wei xiongs mouth and say he will do it he will actually do it and if his learning under the famous yilling patriarch then it's a win win situation and a credit for his dear teacher saying he can't use the saber ever but at the same time is needed smt to protect himself his wonderful beloved teacher went and made a battle fan just for him and he adored it and there a lot of battle fans including the full and detailed blue print of each just incase they can't see each other anymore cause knowing the cultivation world being hypocrites it's only a matter of time so Wei wuixian made other battle fans but his favorite are the 7 element ones really he fcking loved those one was a powerful resentment battle fan that has literally everything about evil and bad it also converts resentment and use it as he pleases without getting hurt and that's his main weapon on using demonic arts

Next was a spiritual or light battle fan that can reshape it self and mask itself so no one knows it's there just incase to protect himself and converts spiritual energy into pure light/spiritual energy and he can release and use it to his will

Next were the wind/green water/blue fire/red and earth/brown fans that he can use to simply fcking control the elements like wtf?? That epic!!!!

And lastly his most favorite his spatial fan or that's what he calls it can use all elements spiritual and resentment energy to bend to his will honestly it's a mix of all his favorite six fans into one and he loved it not to mention it's also like a giquin pouch with endless storage so its better😙 and his core got rapidly fast and since he was already surrounded by resentment of dead animals he was pretty much adapt to it and it was fast but since he didn't want anyone to know masked his golden core to feel and look like the same golden core he had before with the help of Wei Xiong ofc until he mastered it,

and yea fast forward he learns demonic cultivation until Wei wuixian was deemed as a villain and he couldn't see him so instead he goes to him secretly and helps the only problem is that when everything turns upside down and Wei xiongs dead and they scavaged his cave really it broked his heart Into shatters especially when he couldn't stop his brother who lied to him and he only knew that the deed was done after and when he went there? It was everything after they took everything... That's what they thought tho he saw lan wangji had gone down with the kid and he was actually relieved that the kid ayuan who calls him. San-ge was alive and was taken care of the person who loved Wei Xiong so concluding that a yuan was fine and was gone he went to the cave that looked empty really tho it wasn't he went through there secret door where if only u use demonic cultivation and has been recognized as one of the owners of it can go in and open it so he went in took all the notes battle fans talismans arrays manuals everything that Wei Xiong created for him and other lessons that he couldn't take under him because of Circumancetances and put it into the fan cause his pretty sure ever since his brother came back he wasn't his brother anymore and his sure sooner or later he'd be trap inside of there sect so got everything and broke the door to never be open again

Fast forward about him learning about lan wangjis punishment he really lost all hope of the cultivation world at that and then his brother died by the hands of his sworn brother he lost all of it after knowing about it took all the yin iron shard they ever had every last piece of it including the one Jin guangyao was making(because of Wei Xiongs lessons his the only other one besides wwx that can control this damned thing)killed Jin guangyao burst into lan wangjis seclusion in secret told him about everything and that they can have a chance of going back to where everything started because he finished the time travelling array that Wei Xiong created and said " lan wangji Xiong I'll give u time to think about this until tmr at 10pm if u don't come then I'll go alone ik this hard on u but really if u don't want to then I won't force u and if ur asking whether Wei Xiong will be there? I'm not quite sure but I'm pretty sure I could bring back his memories but I'd rather not especially after everything he suffered I'm not gonna bring the person who was like a brother to me if it prevents him from ever to know of his suffering unless smt happened to force it..."

He left and waited for lan wangji and lan wangji came and they went to burial Mounds placed all the Stygian iron and draw the array they were allowed to bring one thing each so lan wangji brought his guqin the one they found on lan yis cave while masking it as wangji cause really it was also wangji at the same time cause fortunately huaisang to his surprised finished the invention Wei Ying made on merging spiritual weapons so he merge it before they got here nie huaisang bought his spatial fan who has almost everything inside it really and then one by one the Stygian iron broke and the array lighted up they went inside and everything went black... Then they woke up on there rooms

Nie huaisang in his room in Qing he and lan wangji in jingshi in there teenage bodies...

End!

Welp u guys can take this idea cause I'm pretty sure I ain't finishing this up so u guys can continue this if u want😝😘😘

#nie huaisang

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dreamy-stars · 4 years

Text

7/30/20

i’ve never felt this low in a long time, not even in sophomore year of college?? it’s like rly concentrated sadness and rly hit hard within the last month?

- i went through my first breakup, which affected me a lot more than i thought it would. it was so short lived i don’t even want to call it a relationship. i hate to admit it but it hurt so much bc it seemed like he wanted to be with me for a while. he has his reasons and he should take care of himself but i can’t help but feel thrown away without care? i wanted closure and he couldn’t even give me that. my self confidence went down the drain, and i kept questioning if there was something i could have done differently. i even contemplated if i was pretty enough XD can you believe i let a 5’6 man make me feel like this...pathetic...but yeah he rly has no emotional intelligence or something man cmon i wanna talk it out.. - it took me a while to get over him and now i dont miss him specifically, i just miss being wanted and having that connection? anyway my confidence was bad at this point and was feeling insecure in so many ways. maybe 3-4 weeks ago i started going down this dark hole, just questioning my purpose here. i’m not smart, pretty, or talented in any field. i felt kind of useless? just there... (even typing this im like tearing up hehe) comparing myself to ppl again..how i’m not good enough (in eng) just kinda wasting my parents money? and i think about if i were prettier i’d prob be treated better and those around me would pay nore attention to me? brings me to my next point :p - i feel SO lonely. it doesnt help that i went through a break up and the person i was talking to all day every day is suddenly cut from my life. my friends can contact me and stuff but i feel so left out sometimes. it’s not their fault, it’s just how my brain is ig lol. it felt like i was back in high school. i had acquaintances and was surrounded by friends but couldnt rly connect and be close to ppl. what i remeber most was being at the booth and being surrounded by girl friends and not adding to the convo at all. i felt so lonely and insecure i never want to feel that again. recently i felt it with my cousins who i have always felt close to. can u believe? i can’t rly explain it. but when sp brought her friends to the lake i felt ostracized. its so stupid for ne to feel that way, they’re literally strangers and i wish we could be like white folks that introduce each other right at the start of meeting new ppl U KNOW?? idk i’m so fucking sensitive LOL. like at least mai did it with her bf. I Am Nothing. like sp didnt introduce tp so why am i feeling like this. i guess its just me and my deep rooted trauma of being overlooked and forgotten! even when we went to the lake with just our cousins i felt SOOO SOOOOOOOO down and lonely, even more than before. i was sticking near ap bc it was kinda awkward still and i didnt want her to be lonely. i was just floating around and they played games and talked together and stuff and i felt invisible i felt so lonely even with so many ppl i love there. it didn’t help that they had sleepovers and hung out together so ich and never asked me. they even planned to sleepover later that night and didnt ask me. i wonder if it was bc i was neutral and stuck with ap? oh yeah i forgot that i couldnt go eat with them bc there was no room for me which is understandable but i still felt shitty and i think i cried that night :p it’s small insignificant things that build up for me and make me feel like an afterthought. it rly fueled my self confidence issue. AGAIN no one did anything wrong i’ve just been very sensitive and analytical of everything lately. it’s kind of led me to being distant with sp kinda like im testing her and seeing if she would reach out to me at all? its petty but i feel like she hates me fr 😂 might just be me. I Am Nothing...

ANYWAY ive been crying like pretty often just having these thoughts eat me up. it’s better now i think? it’s scary to admit but i’ve thought about dying so many times recently and i hate it. almost like it’s normalized to me now. it’s not that i would ever attempt but i understand what ppl mean when they want to disappear? i’m very blessed with loving parents and a healthy able body and a good living situation. i never want to put my parents and family through something that traumatizing. i haven’t properly expressed these feelings to anyone besides one watered down text to darwin. it was hard to even type the text, i ended up crying in the bathroom. i’ll have bad days and the thoughts creep up on me and i try to distract myself by watching stuff and it helps. i’ve been working out and dieting and i feel a lot better about myself and more positive. i’ve thought about therapy seriously but im hesitant still. if i still have issues i will, but talking through a screen and the risk of others hearing kinda turns me off. just processing my feelings and thinking about them extensively has helped me a bit but i think having a professional tell me about my feelings will make me feel better. idk how to bring it up at all, and i feel like my issues arent serious enough? but my brain been going cwazy :3

i’ve been having a rough time at home just doing a lot of nothing but being sad and working out.. i hope with school starting soon i can get out the house and be productive again! recently ive been dealing with the problem of “living for others” i notice that i care about the comfort of others and how i can satisfy them and appeal to others at my expense.. i’ve been thinking about how im not good enough for this type of guy to like me LIKE WHO AMMM IIII WHY DO I CARE...WEIRDO..... maybe im dragging myself too hard i dont think i do this much but i do be a nice comfy doormat for others :)

but overall i feel better than a few weeks ago i think! idk what that was about why is my brain like this....making irrational thoughts and hurting my own feelings...idk but it will be okay :)

#diary

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zackmephisto · 4 years

Text

dirt watches aew

ITS TIME BITCHEZ

stop i don't want to see this betrayal :(

mjf turned and now my depression is Worse i hate him i love him :(

JURASSIC EXPRESS AAAAAA

N Y L A YES OG MY GOD

i know I didnt hear yall boo nyla.

HANGMAN AND PAC REEEE

SCUUUUU REEEEE

M I S T E R M O X L E Y

:'''''(

STOP IM GONNA CRY KENNY NOOO

is it really nakazawa v mox. that's wild

mox looks good wtf?

STOP pulling the crazy shit dude. hes a good boy.

is he wrestling in pants bc his legs got fucked up or

that was weak. wtf ?

is it just bc hes still sort of hurt and they want to book him stronger than kenny?

o he speak

"you are one radical son of a bitch" how come he can say bitch but chuck cant say the s word

👀

damn yeah what's next for him. he really did fuck up kenny. who is next. I'm excited idc who is next like.... whoever it is they're gonna be working w the best of the best tbh

wait what the fuck why is it a championship match with sammy and chris and scu. why

cheer dark order and their gimp army you FUCKING cowards

T H E M!!!!!

GOD I LOVE MY CHILDREN STOP IM GONNA CRY MARKO WEARING THE MASK

THE MARKO CHANTS THANK YOU LORD

i have no more will to live now that marko ate the pin

STOP BEFORE I CRY FOR REAL

oH MY GOD LUCHASAURUS AAAA

luchasuarus said "back off my baby dinosaurs" and i respect that

hes obv still a little hurt tho you can see it in his movement

I STAN ONE DINOSAUR FAMILY

hmmm how come scu have to defend their championships every five minutes but chris jericho is always safe 🤔

gfys shawn spears

i'm a simple woman. i see shawn spears on my screen and I switch tabs

I constantly thank god for darby allin

Aubrey 😍😍😍😍

if darby loses i sue

JOEY!!!

uh. i mean. i mean. joey. big deal. who even cares about him and his braids and he smells anyway 😡

thank u darby i love you and definitely not joey...

DARBY AND JON WAIT STOP I CANT BREATHE OH MY GOD NO PLEASE THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST THING IVE EVER SEEN SCREEEEEE

I'm literally screeching darby vs mox??? NAME A MORE ICONIC DUO

ya'll have a crowd full on transphobes huh

darby vs mox tho this is so goddamn exciting

SO excited oh my god who is nyla fighting !!

who??

people really are such big transphobes that they're cheering someone who hasn't had a match yet. i hate straighties

thank you queen I love you

get well soon dad i miss u :(

i feel like i should know her by sight but i don't

o i remember her. i like her merch

shes annoying

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

AWESOME KONG AND BRANDI MY SKIN IS CLEARING AS I SPEAK

perish, blonde woman

god i love this. i LOVE THIS

if mjf joins the inner circle i want it to be known right now at 5:56 pm that i will Still Stan. okay. i stood w baron corbin through it all. i'll stand by mjf through it all.

every time some one swears on aew and it's not chuck taylor i lose six months of my life

OH?!?!?!

HELLO MAX I LOVE YOU GOOD MORNING MY SWEET SCARF SON

he's handsome no one @ me ever again

i lov u asshole love you so much

LOVE YOUUUU

NO I LOVE YOU I'M NOT UPSET I LOVE YOU

expose him Max EXPOSE HIM

max 😍😍😍😍😍

I believe every word you've ever said ever

max is right stop SAYING MEAN THINGS TO HIM

THIS MAN IS HURT MAY I HUG HIM

max STOP I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

AND WHAT A HANDSOME NEW FACE IT IS

YES YOU ARE BETTER THAN HIM AND I DO KNOW IT

wake up sheeple max is RIGHT

"my third or fourth installment" go off king.. go off......

sigh. I didnt want to do this. but i'm gonna have to stan.

or not?

MAX SAID A LITTLE BIT OF THE BUBBLY AND I IMMEDIATELY GOT UP TO GRAB THE CHAMPAGNE I SAVED FOR THIS EXACT SITUATION

ok thank god i dont have to stan the inner circle

thanks max i love you

HE IS HANDSOME ITS TRUE

ok... maybe that was funny. but I still love max

dont do this Max I dont want to stan

this is making me laugh hella hard dncnsndj

I LOVE THE HUG

cody man come on just let me have my max in peace

sigh

cmon Maxwell let's go

who?

wardlow I see

ok. I stan if he likes max

@ Maxwell Jacob Friedman choke me like that d*ddy

good morning it's been an hour and I've had four mikes and am on my fifth i'm drunk and in love with mjf

cowboy 😍😍😍😍😍

wait please don't let hangman lose I dont want to see him sad anymore

pac is fucking. more than human. I love him too

COW👏BOY👏SHIT👏

"i'm shocked by pac's leg strength" me 2 bud. those legs? i'm always shocked. hes so ripped his muscles have muscles

BASTARD SHIT LMFAOO HOW THE TURNS HABE TABLED

COWBOY STOP MAKING THESE NOISES I FEEL NSFWORK

yall are going to commercial in the middle of this match? disgostang. guess its valid bc this alcohol is going right thru me but. >:(

so Twitter says luchasaurus is actually Back back I'm really really happy abt that I missed dinosaur father

i finished going to the bathroom and sat down and it came back on clearly this is dirt rights

hangman and pac didnt get up for a second and I was Ben Affleck w cigarette. jpeg for a second thinking abt pac vs moxley

thank u for being a good bean mr ref bryce

:(((((((((((((((((((((

suing aew for emotional distress

JESUS matt Jackson

OH MY GOD AAAAAA ORANGE IVE NEVER LOVED A MAN MORE

literally I love orange cassidy more than i love myself

I'd be more exciting for this bucks/proud n powerful moment if orange cassidy wasn't on screen for two (2) seconds. His Impact

aew refs are my new mandatory kin

dont hurt Brandon Cutler hes a good boy

thank god for private party

proud n powerful vs private party is dirt rights

me: :l

scu: SCUUUUU

me: :)

oh yeah btw my onion on scu officially changed i love them officially

SCU SAYS FUCK NASHVILLE BUT I LOVE WRESTLING FANS AND REALLY THATS CALIFORNIANS IN A NUTSHELL, I CAN CONFIRM, BEING CALIFORNIAN

i'm DRUNK thank god for autocorrect

why is sammy not vlogging. is he okay. does he have a fever

anyway if scu loses i'm suing again

jericho, a few weeks ago: WHO WEARS A SCARF

Jericho, today: wears a scarf tonight and talks abt scarfs today

judas FUCKS one of my fave songs of all time tbh

sammy guevara is like. 12. stop hip thrusting, child

kaz, my angel. I love you. so much

sammy: I GOT EM, DAD. I GOT EM

I love sammy BUT he better eat this pin so hard hes still tasting it next week

almost started filing my aew lawsuit when scorpio sky almost got pinned

I love how effective and strong the thesz press is. so wild. thank u mr sky

oh thank fuck. thank FUCK that pin wasn't complete

PLEASE MR SKY

THANK YOU MR SKY

SCU BEAT INNER CIRCLE SO NO ONE EVER TALK SHIT ABT CALIFORNIANS EVER AGAIN

unless ur californian. in which case ur allowed

scorpio sky being the first person in aew to pin Jericho is California Rights

that was a wonderful show. orange cassidy was there so it was 10/10. everyone say thank u aew

#dirt watches aew #11.13.19 #dirt's posts

2 notes · View notes

pocandkpop · 6 years

Text

i’m sorry!got7 x reader(poly)

Not my gif

Themes: angst to fluff

Words: 4.3k

Proofread to the best of my ability

This has to happen. There's no way she could honestly stay with them. Those seven boys who showed their love to her almost ruthlessly. They made her heart swell with gratitude and appreciation every second she was around them. She knew what it felt like to feel unappreciated. She was the most underappreciated person she knew. She gave and gave, not wanting to receive anything back, but it does feel good to be appreciated. It feels good to know that you're wanted and that you are an intricate part of someone's life, to know that you aren't wasting your time. She felt like she she was wasting her time. There were seven of them for Gods sakes! They didn't need her. When it came down to it, she wasn't an intricate part of their life and routine. She wasn't important to them. She didn't know what she did to deserve their friendship, attention, or time, but all she could say was that she was eternally grateful.

my favs and me💖

bambam: y/n! coming over today right?

yugyeom: she said she would

jackson: you do that bomb ass braid out bc girrrrrlllll!

jb: jackson chill

jb: but did you tho?

mark: ha! JB a weirdo acting like he doesn't wanna know too

jinyoung: yo crackheads...stfu

youngjae: y/n!!!!! im excited to see youuu

I'm excited to see y'all too!! See you 💓💓

jackson: HEARTS AAAAHHHHH

yugyeom: KAYUTEEEE

y/n was trying not to cry. She had to be strong or else this wasn't going to be easy for anyone. Sending that text was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do in her life.

"You can do this, y/n. Like a bandaid, girl, just like a bandaid." She tried to coax herself as she grabbed her keys, putting her phone in her back pocket. She walked outside her apartment, locked her door, and went to her best friend, Amika Ravenloc's car. She got inside. "You sure about this y/n?" She asked, turning to look at her. "No, but I know that I have to do this. I feel myself just falling for them more and more everyday and that shit is scary. I'm gonna end it before they can... Amika, I'm scared." Y/n confessed, her nerves finally getting to her. She started shaking. "I know, hun. I know." Amika patted her knee. "If this is what you want to do, then do it. I'll be there for you afterwards. You can cry all you want and we'll have a movie night, all the stuff you like. You got this." Amika pepped her up. She started driving. "I'll stay parked, like, down the street so you can just come to the car when you're done and I'll, just, zoom off. They won't catch me." She explained. Y/n nodded. "I got you." She agreed.

Amika got to their place pretty quick which meant the two girls would get out of there even faster. "I'm right here. You got this, girl." She told y/n. Y/n took a deep breath. She fiddled with Jaebum's hoodie that she decided to wear. Was it a smart decision? No, not really. It only makes things harder. She opened the door and walked to the boys' house. She got to their doorstep. She went to knock but hesitated. Was she really doing this? Was she really about to end this beautiful friendship? "It's best for all of us y/n. You can do this." She coaxed herself to knock on the door.

"Y/n!!" Jackson shouted, swinging the door open. She almost broke down right then and there. She couldn't help but burst out laughing as she hugged him. "Jackson!" She exclaim. The two of them headed to the living room area after Jackson locked the door. "I missed you!" He held y/n close. "Guys, look who's here!" He announced. The room erupted in shouts of happy greetings. Yugyeom tackled her with a big hug. They both almost went down. "You have socks on dummy!" Y/n laughed. "I missed you y/n!"He cupped her face, gushing at her. "Stop hogging her Yugyeom!" Mark exclaimed from the couch. Y/n couldn't stop smiling.

"What were y'all doing?" She asked. "We were just talking about random stuff." Mark answered. "Y/n, come here." Jaebum patted his lap. Y/n's heart started beating triple in speed. This is what she was talking about. They were getting too close. "Nah, I'm okay." She waved it off, sitting in a chair by the doorway. Jaebum looked at her confused. "Come. Here." He said again. Damnit. She just couldn't say no to him. Y/n stood up, lips pursed, and went to Jaebum. He pulled her to sit on his lap, wrapping his arms around her. "JB hyung at it again!" BamBam laughed. "He stay on y/n." Youngjae joked. "This my baby, what y'all mean?" Jaebum laid his head on her shoulder. "You did do that braid out! I'm dead." Jackson over dramatically died. "She looks so good!" Yugyeom made weird noises.

"Um, hi Jinyoung! You weren't gonna say something to me?" Y/n joked with him. "Don't start." Jinyoung laughed. Y/n mimicked his laugh making everyone else laugh. Jinyoung stood up, moving towards her. "You think you funny, huh?" He held her chin with one hand, making her look at him. "Oh, I know I'm funny." She stuck her tongue out at him. He couldn't help the smile that spread on his face, letting her go and went back to his seat. "You wanna watch a movie? We haven't had a movie night in forever." Youngjae suggested. "That sounds like a great idea!" Mark clapped his hands. "I'll go make the popcorn!" Yugyeom ran to the kitchen. "Bust yo ass, see if we don't laugh!" Y/n shouted. Bambam laughed out loud, following Yugyeom. "I'll go get the movies! Cmon Youngjae!" Jackson exclaimed, pulling a protesting Youngjae along. "Cute." Mark commented, bopping y/n's nose. He went to go get blankets. This was getting way out of hand.

"Guys-" "Sit by me y/n!" Jackson exclaimed. "No, me!" Youngjae argued. "She's staying in my lap so yall gonna have to sit by me." Jaebum pointed out. "Hyung!" Yugyeom whined from the kitchen. Bambam came into the room. "You guys-" "Animated movie or action movie?" Jackson asked. "Animated." Jinyoung answered. "No, action." Mark shook his head. "Both!" Yugyeom walked in with the popcorn. "Y'ALL!" Y/n shouted, forcing Jaebum's arms off from around her. Everyone focused on her. She backed up to the doorway. "I-I have to go. Like, forever." She stuttered. She never stuttered. Smart transition y/n! She scolded herself. "Why? Is something wrong?" Jaebum questioned. "Yes. This..us..I can't be friends with you guys anymore. It won't work. I'm sorry." She turned to leave but Jaebum's booming voice made her freeze. "Explanation please."

Y/n took a deep breath. "Where is this coming from?" Mark asked. "I just can't, okay?! I don't want to be friends with you guys anymore. There shouldn't need to be an explanation. It's just gonna hurt more later. It's gotta stop now." She started crying. "No the fuck it doesn't. Y/n, you're not making sense-" "Yugyeom." "No, hyung! She can't just up and leave us without reason! I won't let her." Jinyoung held his shoulder. "Sunshine. Are you sure you want to leave?" Youngjae asked. She bit her lip. "We can talk it out. We'll listen to you. We can figure this out." Jackson said, voice full of concern and understanding. "No. I'm not your sunshine! I don't..I don't..I just don't!" Y/n broke down even harder, almost doubling over. She took off the hoodie, looking at it sullenly. She threw it to the ground out of a mix of emotions. "Y/n, just have a seat and we can-" "Don't touch me, Jaebum. Just let me, just, just, let me alone!" Y/n ran to the front door, unlocked it as fast as she could, then ran to Amika's car. Shouts could be heard from the boys and feet pelted the ground, meaning they were chasing her.

"Go, go, go!" She screamed, jumping in through the window, something she never thought she would ever do in her life. The situation was so terrible, she literally leapt at the opportunity to get out as fast as she could. The car took off. The boys looked exasperated as they stopped running after her. They were too confused.

Y/n laid in the backseat of the car, covering her face with her hands. She sobbed and sobbed till she was too tired to keep going and let the tears fall silently. "Did I just fuck up Amika?" She asked, voice hoarse and cracking. "That's up to you to decide. You broke it off with them so this would happen now instead of later, right? You accomplished your goal. You're free. That's what you wanted." Amika answered. "Yeah..what I wanted." Y/n sighed. Tears for now instead of later. Hurt them before they can hurt you. That was the goal, right?

"What just happened?" Youngjae asked as Mark, Jaebum, Jackson and Yugyeom walked back into the living room. "She has to be joking. There's no way she really just ended our friendship like she just did. It doesn't make sense." Mark looked at the boys confused, sullen, and scared faces. "Without an explanation, too. I don't know about you guys, but I'm pissed right now." Jackson said, tapping his foot. His expression was stone cold and his arms were crossed. "How about we just text her? See if she'll tell us in the group chat." BamBam suggested. "We can try." Youngjae shrugged.

Jaebum went to pick up his jacket from off of the floor. He sighed. "Looks like I'm going to her house." He said. "Don't do that." Jinyoung shook his head. "Why not?" Jaebum questioned "You see how hard she was crying. It must have taken a lot to do what she just did. I think we are the last people she wants to communicate with." Jinyoung answered. "What did we do wrong?" All eyes turned to Yugyeom who was sitting on the floor, staring at his hands. "We didn't do anything wrong to hurt her did we? I could've swore we were, we, we made her so happy, but she still left. Why did she leave, hyungs? What did we do?" The poor maknae was so confused and hurt that he started to cry. "Yugyeom, don't, please." Jaebum went to hug him. "She's the best, hyung! She's pretty and funny and she fits in perfectly, so why?" Yugyeom allowed himself to cry in his hyungs arms. "I don't know. I don't know." Jaebum stroked his hair.

"We're here." Amika said, pulling into her driveway. Y/n sat up, her head pounding. Amika went to go unlock her front door. Y/n shortly followed. Amika locked her car then her front door and the two girls settled down on the couch. "I'm going to order some pizza and we'll get this sleepover started!" She cheered. Y/n cracked a smile. She turned on the tv, turning it to her favorite channel. Watching her favorite TV show always cheered her up. "Let's watch-" y/n's phone went off. "I didn't know it was..oh wait." She stopped when she realized it was a special ringtone she set for just the boys. Her phone buzzed relentlessly. She wanted to check it but Amika beat her to it. She turned off her phone and set it down in the kitchen. "They won't ruin our night, right? Let's have some fun!!" Amika cheered. Y/n smiled and joined it, her spirits being lifted with the sheer excitement her best friend radiated. Tonight was about her and her best friend, not those seven boys who aren't in her life anymore, despite what her heart says.

It's been a few weeks and everything has been going smoothly. Y/n has been getting better as time progressed. She took a break from her phone, knowing the hundreds of texts they've sent her would be there. Missed calls, emails even, that she knew were awaiting for her. She decided to focus on working. She worked at a cafe that was, thankfully, unknown to the boys. She knew it would be a good idea to not tell them because she knew they would be a public disturbance. BamBam trying his best to bust a move to the chill music, Youngjae's loud laugh, Jackson screaming and being the extra person he was, Mark joining in on the antics, Yugyeom whining and bothering her, all the while, Jaebum and Jinyoung, defeatedly, sat back and watched the chaos unfold. Y/n caught herself smiling at the vision and her nose started burning while her eyes started welling up with tears. "Be right back." She told her coworker, Edyn, a dark skinned woman with short 4c hair. Y/n went to the bathroom.

"Pull yourself together. This was the right decision. You don't need them. You just want them. Need and want are two different things. Get it together, girl. Get it together." Y/n took a deep breath and fixed her face. Random waves of emotion weren't a surprise anymore. It was all apart of the process. She knew that she would get over it eventually. However long eventually was. She went back out behind the counter. "Sorry about that." She apologized. "Girl, are you sure you're okay? You've been going to the bathroom to cry for weeks now. Did something happen?" Edyn asked. She could read y/n like an open book. "I just ended a friendship is all." Y/n answered. "Ending things should be a joyous occasion. You should feel free of whatever that friendship had. Was it toxic?" Edyn questioned. "No. It was perfect actually. Too perfect, and I had to end it before it hurt me." Y/n rubbed her arm, moving to look at the cookies. "Before it hurt you? Honey, you're going to get hurt a lot in your life. Avoiding it and being scared of it is no way to live. Your mindset wasn't in the right place when you made the decision to end that friendship. You were playing to your own delusion, thinking of only yourself. I know you're not a selfish person. Whoever was apart of that friendship is probably the best ever and you let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise. Now, I know you don't like being told what you already know, but you should go talk to whoever it was. They probably want to hear from you, too." Edyn hugged the melanin infused girl. The bell rang, signaling another customer. "There goes another one. Take the rest of the day off. I'll cover for you." She winked at y/n. She couldn't have been more thankful for Edyn in that moment. Y/n went home as soon as possible.

"Go back to them? There's no way I could. I ended it and that's final. What kind of person would I be to end a friendship then go back to them like nothing ever happened? I'd be a joke." She sighed, sitting on her couch, watching TV. "They wouldn't want anything to do with me. I couldn't go back even if I wanted to." Three loud knocks came from her front door. She jumped, startled.

"Y/n? Are you home?" It was Jackson's voice. "Open up. We really want to talk." Mark shouted. "You haven't answered any of our texts or calls or voicemails. We're really worried." BamBam revealed. "Maybe she isn't home." Jinyoung said. "Her car is here, she has to be home." Jackson clicked his tongue. "She doesn't have to be home. She could've gotten an Uber. You never know. In any case, we should leave." Jinyoung sighed. "I'm not leaving. I'm going to see her. She can't stay in there forever." Yugyeom put his back against the door. "This again, Yugyeom, cmon." "Don't touch me, hyung!" "Both of you stop!" Jaebum's booming voice yelled. Y/n jumped. "Let's just go." He stormed off. "Hyung.." "Sunshine. If you're really in there this time, please open the door. We need you right now." Youngjae cried. After a few minutes of silence, there was a shout, the sound of car doors slamming shut, and a tire screech with a roaring engine, signaling the boy's departure. That was when y/n let it all out.

They needed her yet she still stayed put. She didn't do anything when she should have. If that wasn't an indication that she was wrong to end the friendship, then she didn't what was the truth anymore. She wanted desperatly to convince herself that she did the right thing, but the way her heart hurt with every beat, she knew that she was wrong to leave. She blew her nose then went to her front door. She opened it, seeing a note on her door and a box. It was the box of jackets and other clothes she sent to return to the boys. She didn't have it in her to personally deliver them.

Keep them. They're yours. Don't forget us and please check your phone. We hope for happiness and health to be the only thing you receive for the rest of your life. We love you, sunshine. - JB

That sent her into another fit of hysterical tears. She ripped the box open, grabbing a hoodie, it was Mark's, and clutched it. She held it so, so tight. This was suppose to prevent this from happening but it hurt way more than them breaking her heart like she thought. She was being so stubborn and for what? She just needs to face reality and go back to them. Admit that she was wrong because she was. There was no positive outcome for any of this.

Y/n took the box inside and closed her door, relocking it. She sent the note down on her coffee table and turned on her phone for the first time in weeks. She knew there would be a lot of missed texts and calls but this was ridiculous.

My favs and me💖

yugyeom: please pick up

yugyeom: im desperate to hear your voice

yugyeom: let me know you're okay

mark: jackson and jb argued again..

jackson: i punched jb hyung. I didn't mean it

youngjae: coco misses you so much. she wants her mommy back

mark: she hasn't been eating. im scared for her

youngjae: all she does now is mope around. I try to take her out but all she does is lead me to your house...

bambam: come dab with me again

jinyoung: come dab with everyone again.

jb: youngjae cried again. there was almost no calming him down this time. he misses his sunshine. we all miss our sunshine. please come brighten our lives again. i beg you

mark: i almost broke my phone from throwing it when i saw no reply. i miss you hun. i rly do

jackson: come home to us. i swear we'll be on our best behavior just come back please

jinyoung: i almost put jackson out. he keeps getting an attitude with everyone. he's just hurting but it's too much sometimes

jb: Lord, I pray that you bring our sunshine back into our lives. Amen.

There were many more texts saying the same thing. It was a shock that they actually fought each other. Sure, they argued here and there but physically punching was something y/n never witnessed. That was all it took for her to make up her mind. She was going to go back, explain everything, and make everything better. She decided to go after work the next day.

She went to work early in the morning the next day to fully plan out everything she would say. She had the next seven hours to figure out her game plan. "It is too early in the morning to be looking like that. What's got you so happy?" Edyn joked, wiping down the counter. "You were right. I'm going back to the friendship after work today. I haven't seen them in, like, three months. Needless to say that I'm excited." Y/n beamed. "I'm glad." Edyn smiled proudly at the girl. "Time to open." She went to go turn the sign to open.

Business was going smooth as ever. Y/n was currently calculating a customer's reciept. The bell rang and she handed the receipt to the customer. She went to get a small menu of the specials for the day. "Hello! How may I help you..." Her scentence trailed off when she realized that Jaebum was the one standing in front of her. "Oh, um, hey..I can get you the, um.." Y/n's brain short circuited. "When's your break?" He asked. "In, like, an hour." She answered. "Well, you're off work now." Jaebum grabbed her hand and lead her from behind the counter. "Edyn! My friend is taking me away! Will you be okay?" She shouted. "You didn't tell me your friend was fine! Go on!" Edyn waved. Y/n smiled. Edyn was the best.

"Where are we going?" Y/n questioned as Jaebum stopped in front of the passenger side of his car. Jaebum looked at her then cupped her face and kissed her. "We're going home." He answered. He unlocked the car, making her get in. He ran to the drivers side and hopped in. Y/n was at a lost for words the whole car ride. Jaebum kissed her like it was nothing. His lips were soft and moisturized. Did he know he was going to see her? Y/n would never know.

"We're here." He announced. He wasted no time getting out of the car and y/n followed. Jaebum grabbed her hand, almost dragging her to their house. He quickly unlocked the door. "Hyung, did you get the coffee that quick?" BamBam asked. "I got one better." Jaebum stated. He walked with y/n into the living room. "Hi, guys." She greeted them with tears in her eyes.

"Y/N!!!!!"

After thirty minutes of greetings, long, tight hugs, and crying, everyone was sitting down. Y/n sat in the love seat by herself, facing the boys. "Why did you leave for three months?" Jackson asked, getting straight to the point. Y/n took a deep breath. "I was scared and I was wrong. I felt that you guys didn't want to have me around. You guys are so amazing and wonderful and I didn't feel worthy of that. All my life, I was someone else's second choice so to be you guys' first and only choice felt so weird. I wouldn't allow myself to even think that your feelings were genuine. I was so scared of getting hurt again that I thought if I ended it before you guys did that it would be the best for everyone. I was so wrong. I'm so, so sorry I did that to you guys without warning. I was selfish and I really don't deserve your friendship after the bullshit I pulled. I..I.." She started shedding tears. She tried her best to keep it in, sniffling and such. Yugyeom got up to hug her. "We never knew that. I'm happy that you shared that with us. We're scared too. This does seem too good to be true for us as well." Mark said. "Really? Why?" Y/n questioned. "Because we love you." Yugyeom answered. "I love you guys, too." She held Yugyeom closer.

"No, y/n. We have feelings for you. All seven of us." Jinyoung confirmed. "What?" Y/n asked, wiping her tears. Yugyeom sat down beside her, pulling her into his lap. He held her close. "We realized this when you were gone. Yugyeom was crying one day and he just blurted it out and we all agreed. We didn't want to admit it to ourselves but we all have equally fallen for you. Please, don't think that this is weird or anything. We are so genuine, it's crazy." Jinyoung pleaded. "I don't think it's weird at all. I thought I was the weird one! I even told Amika that I felt like I was falling more and more for you guys. I thought I was just being greedy and shit like that but it can't get anymore genuine than these tears right here." Y/n smiled at the boys.

"Well, since this went much more smoothly than we thought, y/n, would you do us the honor of being our sunshine for good?" BamBam asked. "Yes!" She exclaimed. There was a mix of relief and excited cheers. "I've been waiting a long time to do this!" Yugyeom exclaimed, dipping her in his lap, kissing her to oblivion. Y/n couldn't stop smiling. "Coco!" She cooed at the little dog. She held her close, petting her. She licked her face with her little doggy tongue. Jackson walked over and held her chin, guiding her face to his and gave her a deep kiss. "Um, don't start something you can't finish." Y/n warned, looking up at him with a different kind of look in her eye. "Maybe I want to." He winked at her. "Hey! Keep it pg-13!" Jinyoung joked. Everyone laughed. The rest of the evening was spent having the movie night that should've happened three months ago. It was filled with kisses, laughs, screams, tears, and much more. These seven boys showed y/n that you'll always come back to where you belong, no matter how far away you may go.

August 27th, 2018 // 2:00am

47 notes · View notes

hyungkyun · 6 years

Text

(^:

HENLO!!! this is ur actual bday present, not that Gross thing i sent earlier lol. again, do whatever u want with it!! u dont have to post it or anything. it’s just easier to submit stuff like this than to, idk, send u an email like a señora lol.

ok so im doing this in bullet point format bc the last time I wrote a coherent, well-written paragraph was like 5 years ago or smth. anyway!! since u hated soooo much my beautiful, amazing, unique goths au im going with the loser couple au… which was also a college au of sorts?? dskjhksjdf this isn’t even an au, since y’all are already losers tbh (^: this also got out of hand…. this shit is eight pages long. idk enjoy bithc.

first of all, ck the kind of dude everyone’s lowkey scared of bc he’s silent and serious af. also he does seem kind of a weirdo, tbh?

youve seen him around, maybe you’re in the same dorms but u have absolutely no idea what he’s majoring in :o and u ask around but no one has any idea either!! oh wow a mystery~~

BUT he’s kinda cute hmmm (^: and u probably find the weirdo vibe interesting

however it’s so hard to get to talk to him. u always run into him when you’re out with friends or in a hurry to get to class so :///

but destiny works in mysterious ways~~~ and once u meet it’s rly. so unexpected.

actually, it’s awful since u get locked out of ur dorm sound familiar?? during winter break, rly late at night after a long study session at the library yes, the library, fight me. so u kinda just. sit down miserably outside ur room, since ur roommates are gone, cursing everything and everyone. u will eventually go looking for someone to help u out or smth but right now u need to Whine.

but oh my!! enter mister im changkyun!!! that weirdo who actually lives a couple of doors away from u (how come you never found out wtf???)

he sees u basking in ur misery and actually. finds u rly cute??? bc you’re pouting, cursing a little under ur breath, fumbling with ur phone. but u also look angry as fuck, ready to kill a man??? and yet you’re really fucking cute what the hell!!!!

so he comes up to u and asks u what’s wrong, to which u answer not so nicely without even looking up from ur phone, bc you’re rly so done with this situation ://

but then u look up and u See who it is fuck fuck fuck fuckfucbicvufkhkcfj

but since ck’s Nice and he understands that u must be having an awful time (and also bc he thinks youre cute) he offers to help u. you’re kind of skeptical since he’s just another student, what could he do???

until he tells u he knows how to pick locks lmaoaoaoaoa. that lil weirdo (‘:

anyway he saves ur night. but since he’s an annoying lil shit he’ll tease u abt it every time he runs into u for the rest of winter break.

since that day y'all basiclly become an old, bickering, married couple fnsdjdj

u never stop annoying each other…. you’re wearing a hoodie? he’ll probably pull the hood all the way down until it covers ur eyes, and u get him back by messing up his hair which, by the way,is so soft….. hmmmm

u call each other nerd and loser and dumbass all the time lmao. he’ll constantly bring up the way u met just to jokingly say that you’d be lost without him :/// he rly is a lil shit.

it’s funny bc everyone figures out u are falling for each other… except u two. and i rly do mean everyone. ur friends. his friends. ur roommates. ur cat. the janitor, too, probably. it’s so obvious it hurts.

one time someone implies u would be a cute couple and y'all literally go all ‘no???? haha me??? liking that loser??? pfft not in a million years’

it’s the biggest lie, of course (: and ever since that person suggested u would look good together, both of u kind of realize it’d be… nice. more than nice. actually, super nice.

but since both of u are dumb tsunderes, as ive said before, u will literally be the embodiment of this scene… except it goes both ways. honestly u are so gone for each other it’s GROSS.

but we need some angst up in here so y'all dont get together for a reaaaaaaally long time :/ smh. the pining is Real. ppl come and go in ur lives, and each person u go out with sees that u already fell for someone else—and that’s why all potential relationships don’t last much–, but sdjkfhksjdhk!!! neither of u want to openly admit it.

it’s A Mess bc u are actually good friends and u tell each other abt ur dates and stuff—secretly hoping the other will do something—but y'all looove being dumb so u act like it’s all cool and be like ‘o rly!! good for u, i hope it works out’. right. :/

y’all keep dancing around each other for several months until one Merciful Soul gets tired of ur shit and forces u to sort things out. im talking abt locking u up in some room and not letting u out until u stop pretending u aren’t disgustingly in love with each other. or smthequally cheesy (: u know ilove cheese

((obviously everyone eavesdrops through the door bc cmon, theyve been waiting for this for sooooo long))

at first u two are just annoyed at the Merciful Soul betchait was minhyuk, and u spend ur time yelling and cursing them for doing this (all while claiming that this is pointless, since u have NO feelings for each other. none. nada!)

after a very long time, it’s ck the one that confesses first lmao. youve been whining and being grumpy the whole time youve been locked up together and it kinda reminded him of the way u met… damn. here come The Feelings.

he’s tired, and there’s nothing left to lose. so he tells u The Truth.

[suspenseful pause….. what’s going to happen next?? :OOOOO]……… tune in next year to find out, in the continuation of Cristina’s Cheesy Birthday Present!!!

jk, proceed to the next bullet point pls.

obviously u tell him u feel the same way [insert ppl crying in the background] and he’s actually shocked when u say u like him back…. and gosh, he does look cute when he’s surprised…

so yeah!!! it’s until then that u FINALLY go on a date during the weekend!!. hallelujah. thanks minhyuk,u beautiful soul.

so!!! ok!! first date!!! a rly cute fairground in the evening!!!

u try to be fake mean to each other like u used to but everything feels different~~~ (^:

so instead y’all act bashful as hell, and blush at everything jjdfghjfhd. hands brushing accidentally?? BLUSH. eyes meeting? BLUSH. BLUSH BLUSH BLUSH!!! u also laugh at everything bc both of u are so nervous oh gmhg fdknjjkdsfjoidf this is gross.

he’ll tell bad jokes to make u laugh and they’re rly so so so bad that he actually keeps u in stitches. if u look rly closely you’ll see his huge ass heart eyes bc !!!! he made u laugh!!!! and u look so pretty when u laugh omg!!!! dis-gos-tinnnnn

it’d be such a cute date tbh im crying just thinking abt it (‘’’’: obviously he’s a gentleman and he lets u choose what to eat, which ride to go to first, etc. u could literally tell him ‘hey let’s just sit down and do nothing’ and he’d say yes. he’s so gONe, ifmgfjdmf.

he’s kinda quiet and a lot shier than u wouldve expected but youre literally melting bc that’s a new side to him that you’d never thought you’d see.

u end up having so much fun (‘: u gross lil idiots, u.

oh and he’s def the type to ask if he can kiss u at the end of the night EYYYYYY

even if u find that incredibly endearing you’ll probably roll ur eyes with a huge ass smile on urlips lmaoaoaoao and call him a dummy for even asking when you’ve literally be in cloud nine since ur date started kjkhwjeqdkwjlk

[hello, brief break to clarify that from this point i forgot this was actually a college au lmao, so the rest of the bullet points are literally just. random facts abt u two dating hhhhhh. We dont even know what ck’s major is odjfngnfdj]

at first things are a lil awkward in ur relationship tbh

catch ck googling ‘how to relationship’ on a daily basis dnfndkfjdncn he is sort of clueless abt how to handle The Feelings. mostly bc this is Important and the last thing he wants is to mess it up )^:

that goes away eventually, tho!! he’ll start being his weird little self real fucking soon, so Get Ready

u still call each other nerd and all that stuff, but ur voices are dripping with fondness when u say it… literally everyone around u gets cavities from it, ew.

he’s not that big on planning dates but from time to time he’ll take u to rly cool, unexpected, interesting places :o and eventually he’ll show u his favorite secret spots ((’:

study dates are a thing. i bet he’s that type of person that enjoys reading in weird ass positions… his legs are like, halfway off the couch and his arm is bent in a way that looks almost painful… what the hell….?? but it’s fine (: it goes so well with ur study methods, those that are Too Weird for the library, yeah?? (:

he will also stare at u a lot bc u look cute when you’re rly focused on smth that is, when u stop whining abtstudying…

every time u catch him doing that you’ll go all ‘stop staring at me!!! wtf are u looking at u weirdo’ and he’ll answer ‘you’re so pretty~~~ ♥️♥️♥️’. you’ll blush like a lil idiot, naturally (^: hmmmm

and yea, yea. nap dates are a thing too :/// with sleepy forehead kisses and raspy voices and tangled limbs. all that sappy stuff. he’s a lil shit tho, so he’ll sometimes poke ur ribs to tickle u lmao.

buuuut he’ll also take a lot of pics of u sleeping bc he thinks youre cute )))): his faves always end up being his wallpaper for months.

he’ll get strange gifts for u, like rly bizarre plushies and rare books on topics he thinks u will like, tacky anime memorabilia, etc. he’ll always give them to u at random times bc he just saw them and reminded him of u ♥️

he makes a lot of playlists for u too!!! pls listen closely, he puts a lot more thought into them than he lets on.

u like his selfies??? well he’ll send u a lot of those. unfortunately, bc he’s a lil shit, he’ll mostly send double chins and weird ass faces from equally weird angles

from time to time he’ll send u a Nice One tho ((((^: and u know, tongue selfies since youreSO fond of his(and I quote) “5ft tongue”. and oh gosh! is that a tongue piercing…??? eyyyyyy

if u want to take couple selfies then you’re gonna have a real hard time bc he’ll always be making weird faces and poses just to be annoying. eventually u will make dumb faces too tho (’: what a couple of losers

expect weird random texts: he loves telling u abt whatever is on his mind—probably aliens. he thinks a lot abt aliens and the universe. throw some conspiracy theories in there, too—. he’ll also send obscure memes. and a lot of russian cats!!

he’ll love ur cosplay hobbie. he thinks it’s super cool. he’ll call u a nerd but don’t be fooled! he totally brags abt it with his friends (^:

oh! and this is unrelated but at some point y'all will look like an emo goth couple. u won’t even realize that you’re both wearing black and looking Edgy, it’ll just happen spontaneously. tragic 😔

there are a lot of comfortable silences when u hang out, but late night deep convos are also fundamental :o!!! bc y'all are Smort.

he’ll act like f*cboi from time to time tbh?? he’ll tell lots of dirty jokes LMAO. u roll ur eyes at him a lot bc they’re rly. so bad.

if he winks or does Eyebrow Things then u can’t rly roll ur eyes and act like you’re annoyed bc (: u like it (: and u think it suits him (: and he knows it (: (: (:

u get back at him by telling him he’s cute tho, and he’ll get all shy and he’ll stutter and saying “noooooo” while also fighting back a smile

he will also howl or bark at u to annoy u jdfhkjdf. damn f*rry ://

on that note, he loves to embarrass u in front of ur friends bc he’s a lil shit :DD

But he’s also the sweetest??? whenever he sees you’re feeling down he’ll start doing weird shit to make u laugh. if that doesn’t work then he’ll hug u real tight without saying anything else, bc that’s Enough, u know?? (’:

ok time to get Domestic lads!!!

Idk who the hell is going to cook bc y'all are a damn mess in the kitchen. u two try to cook Nice Meals sometimes. seven times out of ten u end up ordering takeout lmao.

be prepared: he sings in the shower, and he does so terribly. (he might do it a little louder and a little more off-key sometimes bc he knows it makes u laugh)

random kisses are a thing!!! he kisses ur cheek or ur shoulder or ur nape or literally. any body part he can get his lips on when u two are just hanging out, watching movies or smth. it’s so soft and cute )^: wtf im crying

but also stolen kisses!! he’ll kiss u at the most unexpected of times and it alwaysleaves u breathless

he’ll constantly put his head on ur shoulder and make this face at u (^:

can’t sleep??? don’t worry!!! he’ll sing to u with that pretty, soothing voice of his

anyway. what I meant is that y’all would be such cute little idiots together this was long af. wow. im so sorry. happy birthday??? lmao

I HAD TO PUT THIS UNDER A READ MORE BC ITS SO FUCKING LONG NAT U DUMBASS ICB U DID THIS KFJSKFJSLKDJFLKJ THIS IS SO CHEESY AND GROSS and it also made me realize that u know too much shit abt me. what was that t*ngue part. im not talking to u ever again. aNYWAY U RLY ARE AN IDIOT I WAS SMILING SO BIG THRU THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE I SCREAMED A LITTLE?????????? FUCK U!!!!!!!! WHATS WITH ‘The Feelings’ PART I HATE THAT I ALMOST DIED FUCK OFF IM NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!! I DONT HAVE FEELINGS!!!!!! U CANT DO THIS TO ME SKJFHSKJDHFKSLDJFH

icb u rly did the fairground first date i rly fucking hate u why did i even tell u these things i knew it was gonna fire back im fjjgjkknknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ur ‘tragic 😔’ when we become a goth couple :/ u dont understand goth love

why the fuck did u make him howl. i wanna fucking die rn. what the fuck. he fucking would. fuck off.

i dont wanna talk abt all that domestic shit how did u even write all of that without dying i literally wanna rip all my limbs off i wont make any comment. i didnt need to know what that would be like but u looooove ruining my life so :)

i rly hate u ksdjfhskdjhfksjh icb u did this thank u i wanna die??????????? wtf nat !!!!! no but rly thank u :( u took the time to write this long ass college au (is it????? whats cks major tho rly :/ ) and just skdfjsjk u remembered all the weird shit i told u thats cute and also Really Bad what else do u know that i forgot i told u skdfksjh im literally always screaming at u abt this shit how did u !!! remember all of this!!!!! dldskfjshljhlakjsh this is so cute and horrible nat wtf how could u :( now im gonna cry :(

#SDFJSDJSLDJFHLSJDHJS URE AWFUL #but i love u sm what theu fuck u rly did all of this #sdjfksldjakjsdhlkajh u know how long it took me to even start reading it #i rly couldnt bc usually these aus are just cutesy and not so personal???#bUT I KNEW U WOULD RLY MAKE ME A LOSER ND IM JUST CRINGING #BC YEA THATS RLY WHAT ID DO SHUT THE FUCK UPSLDFJLSKDJ #i hate this. how the fuck am i supposed to go on with my life now :/#@at ck this could be literally us but u playing see u in london u better fucking step up ur game #idk what else to say this is incredible u rly are incredible #my baker bee #mutuals🌼#submission

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lonespektr · 4 years

Text

Starting back Vikings again randomly........

blue eyes still hasn't fucked that priest

When's he gonna bang the priest, he doesn't like his new wife 🤷🏾‍♀️

Rollo needs a win/ cmon lady archers

Stop listening to random men, every main character gets bad advice from randos

Very deliberate word choice

Blue eyes is do butthurt his boyfriend is not coming with him priest is literally staying for you, you blockhead

Men are idiots

Tomgirls trying to sit still and look pretty when they clearly want to punch people

They keep using attempted rape for her power ups and they could do literally anything else

Glad the mrs is back

She's worried about jr but it looks like he can fight brother still absolutely in love with the mom cause she's a bad bitch

But he would have cheated too soo 🤷🏾‍♀️

He's big but it doesn't look like he hits hard, he's moving frantically, he doesn't lean into his hits??

The bows are used in short range i feel like it's that accurate??!!

Nobody is hyped the mrs is home and i feel like that was a wasted opportunity

Priest is attracted to bad people

Everybody got a shower

Who ever is subing the sound effects is a fucking poet Every grunt has a adjective

Always gotta upstage your brother just fukkkin relax

He's rejected the sacrament dunt dun dun!!!

Cheese and crackers woman how many boys you churnin out

What's the science? Boys are faster swimmers so short vagina?? I forget

She's gloating

Yea no shit. He don't even like that other future telling bitch

Rollo just stick with old girl u are bad at politics

This is a very sexual prayer priest

You tryina get what by the holy spirit??!! Save that for blue eyes

Thorvard big as fuck

That boy ain't got no right being that big his parents is normal sized

If i wanted to say it in private i wouldn't fucckkin come down to long house

Who's fuckkin army is that , just her homies?? She got warrior homies?

Ah she just wanted to threaten the general community that if anything happen to hey son it's they ass

Yea those'r just her homies

Another sexual assault threat but in an unexpected turn is events his kinsman ain't down with that shit and backed her

Infamous wings pf the vikings

More sexual assault threats

Whoever is writing these subtitles is a fucking legend

Priest new boyfriend is in wooing his old boyfriend's ex wife and he has to be an awkward translator

Wack what a serious waste of ambition

Them two rando little boys already died they really gotta take the one bitch was leadership vibes

She threw away throne thrown for dinner snot nose kids

He play too much, but they are great together

Preist done diddled that brown hair plain and not blue eyes

Vikings does appear to have a strict all rapists must die policy (marital rape excluded- even that's appears to have consequences)

Surprised they let siggs go but i think she landed a better role, shes a bigger actor then all em

I still don't know which god he was supposed to be. Guess i gotta brush up on my norse history

What's rollo gonna go without his political advisor

That guy coulda had a bigger role but this was 6+years ago and he was not as big then so..makes sense

Preist talking shit about women knowin damn well he just left a perfectly boring one to be with sky eyes

Hypocrisy , ungrateful ass volunteer to help the mother of your child

Screw everybody and they mama, leave yo wife month at a time with no backup booty

Why you only slept with yo wife once? 🤨

Seer tied of yo ass

Sky eyes just move to Paris with the preist

They are doing a sharp turn with him that is uncharacteristic, they haven't done a power corruption thing or anything to transition him from opportunist to greed

Also wtf boo /This is your earldom ??? You just gon stand there?

Still holding with the rapist get stitches law

Burning cross bit heavy handed

Bjorn tell your wack ass absentee father to back your mom

Yea we have been here before, cause your dad keeps fucckin up, you forget last time you left with her cause you knew he was wrong

Blue eyes has become a kind of apathetic shell without preist and wifee no1

Um wtf was that with the 👀

Just fuck already

Can the women have a story not around babies

Where rollo headed?

This is evidence of a turning point we should have gotten a half step before this

Except she was taking care of the one kid you ignore and you know damn well that priss don't do no work and her servants watch her kids anyway

Lol whut person or persons unknown, but you have evidence?

King got plans on plans on plans

Do they just not know what to do with the preist anymore??

Hey least he said it

That was the least intimate interaction he's had with anyone

Disrespect on disrespect

I think they are going to do something stupid with her 🙄 looking forward to that

Woah full stop yikes 😬

Another unforced error. I knew they were gon do some dumb shit with her, no he actin stupid too

This really there seasons about an unrequited love story

It gets boring when the main character is white male tyrannical and off his rocker - when he's not a zealot

Mentally ill opportunist are not very complelling

I'm annoyed blondie is really confessing to a man who has been treating her like shit for the past decade because a first good decade

Unforced errors and making her stupid is something shows love to do with women

But they gave her so much pride it doesn't make sense

I thought maybe they all knew, but it's just bjorn

Blue eyes was hoping for a confession

Why do you tear me away from myself

Trojan horse is the only thing that ever made sense with impregnable walls even with that hint he still couldn't figure it out, he had to almost die

Rollo is out here now? Why doing what?

I mean tbh is a really good idea to get away from your brother

Oh so the King isn't a complete idiot, just a coward

Another betray your brother situation 🙄

Just let rollo needs live

All our protagonists are isolated

He still didn't get that confession

Oh he just said it

What was the point of that Christian coming to visit?

Lit of obsessive unhealthy male relationships

Floki/Ragnar

Althestan/Ragnar

Ragnar/ rollo

How would rollo even convince the remaining vikings to go against their own

Now we must be subjected to this embarrassment

Co Earls, this guy is a not confused about his endgame

He should have just married her when she asked

There is one asian

If this the season where the non whites enter? They should have done that in Paris

He's an absentee father but he's annoyed his kids are stupid

Floki bb hella cute

It's odd the show has isolated everyone

He's such as gaslighter

The only stable relationship is the ones between the mentally unstable people

The two best pairings were both uneccesairly antagonistic towards each other

What's rollo doing

Le sigh she's smiling because she thinks he backed her , finally someone did she deserves to be supported

But he only backs himself

Time inside learning could be useful for him

Even rollo is not this stupid soooo 🤷🏾‍♀️

Blue eyes mad that his wife doesn't give a shit about him, knowing damn well he don't give a shit about her

Rollo 👏🏾 isn't 👏🏾 stupid👏🏾

He also wouldn't ally himself with strangers 🤷🏾‍♀️ it's a repeat pattern of making the wrong allies but this don't make sense

Hopefully bjorn gets more interesting

Or another woman character not attached to a damn man comes in

1 poc is already gettin eyeballed by ol blue eyes

What old lady would be concerned with getting revenge on is wessex king who raised her new settlement to the ground

There's that projection again blue eyes

The rollo situation is getting close to puppy punching

He looses his accent a lot

Blue eyes has odd codependencies

Man has no loyalists but strong affections that look like loyalty from afar

Why are they all obsessed with this fucking guy

Predatory men who pretend to be small and unassuming to trick women

She choked those words out, I wonder how many takes they made her do before they went with that one

This descent into madness isn't nearly as entertaining as they think

That's the first time he's called her by her first name

Curious move bjorn /curious situation they pulled moms into

They make women look stupid by having them smiling the whole time while men who are being equally deceived look suspiciously but they are tricked just the same

Once again he just identifies foreigners as roadmaps to conquer new lands

Gaslighter all these men are gaslighters

All these braids and this is the first time i've seen one of the man brushing they hair

It's going to be four full seasons of wounded mentally ill drug addicted blue eyes??

there it is, that was his dream, not the crazed ambitions of winning for winnings sake

Opportunistic and talented or rather lucky is different than tyrannical and that's what they are playing him as with no foundation

I know she tired of these dirty whites raggety ass wash rags she want a real bath with soap

Random edge play over the top hair cutting symbolism

That bb old enough too...ok

The girls were ready. And he even ain't mad because she told him straight up she was going to kill him

She doesn't want to remarry, she's better boss ass bitch but it's fucked up she can't just have a decent man partner and equal but these men are trifling they may as well get her a girlfriend

Is the seer dead?

It's 13 right?

Heavy handed women freedom theme happening

#vi #kings

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peachiejihoonie · 7 years

Text

bae jinyoung - demigod!au; demeter

honestly, the boy is just very misunderstood

he lived in the big city near the piers and beaches

him and his father ran a flower shop in that city and jinyoung loved it

he loved having the big and busy city life but also being able to see the sea and his flower shop for relaxation

it was a nice balance

he loved his father deeply since they only had each other

so when he was brought to camp he was furious, he hated it

he wanted to go back to his comfortable home, plus his dad was alone when he wasn’t there

that’s how he got his cold image at camp half blood

he didn’t talk to many people, he never shared his life, heck people barely knew his last name

“bong jinyoung?? bing jingyoung” the hermes cabin would giggle

he was exactly what you expected, bad at almost everything

he couldn’t get up the lava wall, sucked at capture the flag, couldn’t carry a sword and slept through greek mythology, history and language

he was good at harvesting of course and had all the basic demeter children skills

one he didn’t reveal was that he could teleport (geeky i know)

he can think of any plant to swallow him up and take him somewhere else

he’s still working on the distance (which is why he hasn’t escaped and went home yet) but i mean he loves beating everyone to the showers

so one day he was assigned to fix up all the wall plants along the cabin and change the ones hanging on the porch

head counselor euiwoong was getting sick of him being lazy

as he was throwing out the vines, he didn’t pay attention to the people that were walking about

and you were a bit too engrossed in your book to pay attention to the ground

so guess who tripped over the vines?? you!

and he turns around, slightly annoyed cause whats the commotion but immediately feels guilty as he hears people laughing at you for tripping face first into the dirt road

he kneels down next to you a little bit of second hand embarrassment is seen on his face

“uh hey sorry, are you okay??” he’s kinda awkward cause he doesn’t really talk to people

“yea yea,” you get up and dust yourself and the book off “just try not to leave your vines off the main road yea?”

“okay” and he just returns to the plants on the cabin, leaving the vines on the ground

you raise a brow did this boy straight up ignore me?

and he isn’t he’s just being the normal demeter kid he is

as the stubborn athena child, you don’t accept just an “okay”, you march back up to him

“how dare you, can’t you see that you’re being an inconvenience to the rest of the campers?”

“no one is here?” he turns back at you and motions to the empty ground

“but yea, what if someone else comes by and trips like i did?”

“shouldn’t they be more careful? i mean you were the one reading and not paying attention to the road”

you kinda want to stab him at this point, but he really doesn’t give two flying fucks and goes back to wall vine set up thing

and you stomped off, a little angered

and the next time you guys meet, you guys were having sword training class and were assigned as each other’s partner

you being athena’s child were easily capable of adjusting to any sort of weapon whereas he wasn’t experienced much in sword fighting

so you easily have the tip of your blade at his chest plate in a few swings

he just rolls his eyes, admitting defeat and smacking his blade into yours to knock it off

“you should try to bend your knees in the first position in order to be more steady as you start” you smirked, remembering the time he tripped you at the cabins

this was payback

but he’s ignoring you he’s actually just spacing out honestly

and you’re like “uh hello are you paying attention??”

he shakes his head, snapping back to reality and you’re rolling your eyes

“cmon, the sword isn’t gonna strike without you”

and he’s back at it again,

with each defeat, he gets more and more stubborn

he isn’t frustrated, he’s much more patient then you expected

maybe it’s the way you’re shouting commands and tips at him with each battle

and he hates being told what to do

“normally people would’ve thrown their sword and spit curse words by now”

he just shrugs, panting and rolling into a ball to rest

“hey get up, spread your arms out to open your lungs to take in more air” you kick at his side

and he groans and gets back up

god you were such an annoying know it all athena kid

and through out this entire class he hasn’t even spoke a single word to you

every week you guys have this class together and it’s the same routine

and honestly he gets better but of course with new weapons means a fresh start

one time, you guys stayed after class was over just to keep sparring

at a tired moment, you both lied down on the grass, watching the clouds move

“you know, i really hate this place” he sighs, this being one of the only times he ever talked first

“what really? why?” you’re shook because you loved this place

“i like my home, i miss my home, my flower shop, my dad, the city, it’s just so empty”

“man, lucky you” you sighed “you have somewhere to go back to”

and now hes shook

“hUH?”

you explained how your mom, athena, met your dad, a high rank military soldier at one of the bases

they fell in love of course but they only had each other, no other families within reach

so when your mom gave birth to you, she had no where to put you and your father refused adoption

at first, you mom had found a cousin of his, but they refused to raise you because you were too problematic

your mom had laid out many conditions and rules about you and they just couldn’t handle such responsibility

and her brother apollo already forsaw you’re future with them and lets just say its pretty dark

he would know i mean the dude is the sun god

“it must be nice huh? i don’t even know my dad, he doesn’t have time for me”

and it just clicked in his brain, he’s a brat

he couldn’t apprecirate what he already had

he still has his father, his home

and the next day you’ve never seen him so motivated during battle class

his sword swung so fast and you weren’t used to it

by the end of the first spar, you were panting

and you saw something you never thought you ever would

he was smirking

and you scoffed at his sudden confidence, unsure as to what sparked inside of him

dusting yourself off, you cleared your throat,

“you still need some work”

and you went back to sparring

you started to notice that he was smiling when you guys were getting ready for the next round

he would actually start conversations between battles and he was actually a pretty silly dude

he started finding motivation somehow, and it has something to do with you

at first he just wanted to defeat you and you’re know it all ass

but you started to realize that he’d always sit by you during the campfire (which he only recently started attending)

he also asked you about greek history and mythology

so you guys end up studying together as well

wow yall battlin with weapons and books

and you started getting sus

like is he into you ??????

but he really doesn’t show many signs otherwise

not much blushies or flusterness, just a lot of attachment

so maybe he just really saw you as a friend

did your heart just fall into your stomach ??

nO! cause you’re an athena kid ! you don’t fall for anyone psh !!!

aka you’re just repressing them feelings

too bad he actually likes you too

though he may be lookin like a blank rock

everytime you two are alone together (all the time) he’s gettin butterflies all over his stomach

like his tummy is a snowglobe of butterflies

and he thinks he’s sending signals by being with you and only you

but you’re a cold ice cube too so he doesn’t know how to approach this situation

and guys are just stuck

both too scared to say anything

and one time, jinyoung needs a break from all the book reading and wants to walk in the forest

you go with him reluctantly cause you love books

“god what a nerd”

“whatever flower boy”

and he’s walking ahead of you, blushing

why did that sound so cute to him? it just a simple name??

there’s a flower that you guys spot

and you’re like oh hey gardenias how pretty

“yea, you know they mean sweetness and purity?”

“no??? they mean secret love u idiot, some demeter child you are dafawk???”

and now he has his eyebrows raised

“my mom literally created the language of flowers, are you really gonna try arguing with me ??”

“books don’t lie sir”

and you both whip to look at each other

the eye contact is overwhelming, it’s lw hot, but also playful??? but you’re both ready to roast each other at the campfire

you guys can’t seem to form words with your thoughts though

you’re both kinda annoyed

not only with some tiny argument, but also those compressed feelings are rising

“why can’t you just admit things for once” he bursted before you could you first,

“you’re so stubborn for a boring demeter child”

“you’re the stubborn one”

“yea, but that’s expected of me”

“uuuUUuUUUuGGHhHHhHH yOU aRE sO aNno YinGGG, first, you have to lecture me nonstop, second you’re so self entitled, thirdly you such a annoying knowitall and lastly you’re still so vulnerable and I still have such a strong urge to care for you because you’re YOU. and i like YOU. oF ALL CAMPERS AND CHILD OF ALL THE GODS, YOU. sOME KNOWITALL ATHENA CHILD”

silence, silence so deadly that hades himself must’ve created it his face is as a red a tomato and all he can think about is running away and hiding underneath this sheets and screaming

and thats what happens suddenly he’s engulfed in a flower and sucked into the earth

for the first thirty seconds you’re speechless, unaware as to what just happened and then you scream

meanwhile, jinyoung sprouts out of a potted plant on his nightstand in his cabin he’s literally thrown out of the flower and rolls onto the floor, covered in petals

everyone is shook

“d-did y-you j-j-ju-just c-co-come ou-out of a fl-fLOWER???” euiwoong freaks out

and now everyone is screaming

“i-i can explain..” jinyoung is literally going to become a tomato

“but can someone go get y.n in the woods???????” he nervously chuckled

and the sound of your name gives him ptsd cause he literally just confessed to you

euiwoong takes you back to your dorm, you were no longer freaked at that point but just needed some serenity

euiwoong just explains that jinyoung can teleport through plants

“yea, no one has had that demeter power for a while, even we were shook"

you don’t ask to see him though, you just needed to recollect yourself

you couldn’t face him

you’re feelings were out of the roof now there’s no way you’d be able to look at him without getting nervous

and he’s curled up underneath his sheets, regretting everything he did that day

his siblings think hes untouchable now

like yo, he’s all mighty powerful and scary cold

now you guys are extremely awkward

he sees you run off to you siblings asap during weapons class

and he’s kinda hurt honestly

like you could’ve at least rejected him to his face, not full on ghost him

but at the same time he understood since he kinda abruptly said he like you, he probably surprised you

but he still couldn’t help but hear his heart cracking

and you’re not even trying to break his heart

you’re just too awkward, what an athena move

you can’t face you’re own feelings, and its okai, it's hard i feel

everytime jinyoung walks past your face turns red

when his name is brought up you kinda steer out of the conversation

and the only reason why his name keeps being brought up is because you’re siblings know and looooooooove making fun of you

even you’re quiet brother minhyun finds it amusing

they’d always find any reason to say his name, anytime anywhere

“ooh the strawberries are blooming is jINYOUNG piCkING THEM???

him and minhyun end up sitting next to each other in mythology

“oh, you’re jinyoung huh???” he’s making the connections

“you know me?” the younger asked, very quietly

“how could i not, you’re the talk of the talk in the athena cabin” (old dad terms wtf minhyun)

“oh cause y.n basically rejected me” he sighs “i get it, what a joke, can’t believe i thought i even had a shot”

and minhyun blinks his eyes in confusion

“she rejected you??????????” he scrunches his eyebrows

“well no, she kinda just left me hanging and ignores me now, so i have to assume it’s a rejection”

and he laughs

and jinyoung has math equations all around his head (you kno the meme)

“you guys were made for each other oh my lordy” he covered his mouth with one hand and the other patting the smaller one’s back “send her some flowers or something, i’ll deliver them”

and thats how you find gardenias on your bed, with a small note

‘secret love”

i see him have some pretty sloopy handwriting and you kinda smile at it

and you send one back with a simple note

‘secret love’

and he’s squishy and grinning to himself

kicking his bed sheets in excitement, trying to refrain from jumping around

his siblings are so done with him

and so during breakfast the next morning, he swings an arm around you

“hey you” he grinned

“jinyoung?????” you look up at him surprised

the entire athena cabin is staring in amusement

and he’s immediately back to being flustered

“jihoon said i should be smooth to impress you” he confessed, taking his arm back

and you laugh and he ends up giggling with you

everything is back to normal

ya’ll are the very quiet camp couple

but you guys can get pretty wild together

at the fireworks, you guys were pretty chill

just on a towel watching the fireworks in each others arms, unbothered

and everyone is like ‘awwwweeeewwew cuuuute”

but one time you guys were alone, just having your own picnic at the edge of the forest

you two were nonstop laughing

he would continuously make dumb faces at you

and the more you smile, the more he would too

and it becomes a reoccurring routine

where guys just sit outside

whether it be studying, reading, growing flowers, trying his new recipe for brownies, or just laying in silence

you were reading a book once, and suddenly a small flower grows in between your eyes and the book

and it tickles your nose

and your scrunching your nose at jinyoung and you both giggle

he finds you so adorable during these peaceful times

very unlike your uptight athena side

he has a habit of playing with your fingers

like you’re both on your way to the mess hall and he has one of your hands in his two hands and he’s playing with your fingers

not even like intertwining them

just folding them, pressing at the pads of your fingertips and joints, drawing little pictures on your palms

and you help him open up and the demeter cabin sees it

they re-welcome him as an official sibling and are genuine friends/siblings

imagine him taking you back to his hometown

he tours you around the big city and you’re so fascinated by the buildings

but then he even takes you to piers and beach that are like a bus stop away

and you’re just in awe

“they’re right next to each other ???? buildings AND oceans ???”

he’s overjoyed to see you appreciate the scenic views that he too fell for too

and plus he fell for you too

as much his dad wants you two enjoy your little couple vacation

one day he needs to do a huge delivery so he asks jinyoung to watch the store

and you’re much more excited than he was expecting cause he was feelin sorry

“babe i’m sorry we ha-”

“omg we get to run the flower shop??!?!???!!?!” you’re squealing and he’s blinking his eyes in confusion

it’s really chill though

he mostly handles all the buisness stuff while you just finish up your book next to him

“jinyoung, i haven’t seen you in so long !” a longtime mom/costumer would greet him

and in that moment you were talking to her 5 year old son, teaching him the meaning of certain flowers which you had learned from him

and you and her son start giggling and you give him one the flowers, sliding it on top of his ear, and hoped that jinyoung wouldn’t mind

“awe, you’re girlfriend seems very sweet” she would compliment

“yea, she’s definitely a keeper” he would blush, smiling and looking down at the register

if anyone was curious, the city i was basing jinyoung’s hometown was san francisco, ca in the u.s, mainly downtown sf and the ferry building + piers :-))

and sorry i took so long, thnks 4 being patient w/ me !!!

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justtextmeoppa · 7 years

Text

❝ That’s my lady. ❞

Plot: You've been distant from yoongi and he finds out the reason it’s because you recently became an underground dancer.

Pairing: YoongixReader

Words count: 1,5k+

For anon, I hope you like it! M.

Gif isn’t mine, credits to the owner! ♥

Once again you had to give up time with Yoongi and you felt incredibly guilty about that.

He was trying hard to be more present despite his schedules and you couldn't make time for him. It seemed as if the situation was reversed.

But you worked so hard to become part of that group that to waste the opportunity was the last thing you wanted.

"Are you okay Y/N?"

"Yes, Jisoo.. Let's keep trying, the competition is between a few days and we have no time to lose. " You settled the matter with a weary smile and the music started again.

Your muscles were pleading you to stop, but you didn't have any intention to listen to your body.

You would have won that competition of underground dance, at all costs.

~ ~

The silence of your apartment was a relief after hours and hours of loud music and yelling.

You were feeling your feet sore for too many hours of practice, your arms looked like jelly and your legs almost struggled to hold.

The bathroom was your main direction but the fatigue won completely on you; making you collapse on the couch. Your little dog Kira, Yoongi's gift for your birthday just passed, ran on the couch and settled on your breasts beginning to lick your face, welcoming you with joy.

"Hey, little girl. I've missed you, you know? " You whispered, starting to caress her soft coat; "Have you been good? I'm sure cutie.. Now you mom sleep a little, huh! "

Your voice went to fade and sleep got the better of you, while the little Kira continued to lick your face looking for attention she did not have netted.

The little dog was not alone in wanting attention, Yoongi left the kitchen shortly after and he watched while you slept blissfully on the couch, with your shoes on and a veil of sweat to wet your forehead.

He approached you, trying in every way to not wake you up, taking off your shoes and taking the blanket from the couch.

"What are you hiding, Y/N?" He murmured placing the blanket on you; "You're always more distant and it worries me. And why the heck you're all sweaty. " He added, perceiving at that time of the sweat on your skin.

Intrigued he recovered your purse and a folded leaflet bad came in part from the hinge.

And was watching it carefully that each piece of the puzzle in his mind found the right place.

~ ~

The voice of the leader was attracting the attention and the agitation was literally eating you alive. Your first competition and all eyes of those present seemed to be probing your soul.

What you didn't know is that Yoongi was hiding in the shadows, watching you, not knowing what to expect. Once he has found the flyer of the competition he had started to bother you less and you couldn't figure it out, but you had so many thoughts on your mind that you were worried a lot.

You felt a horrible girlfriend and were promised that once won that competition, you would have devoted whole days to your grumpy boyfriend.

"Y/N, are you ready?"

"I am always ready, sunbae." Your sigh made him raise an eyebrow; you knew that you seem scared in appearance; "Really Sunbae, I'm fine."

"I hope for you if we lose we're out of the competition."

You nodded while remaining silent. You wanted that Yoongi was there, but you didn't have time to tell him anything. Maybe you were even afraid that he would not approve even if several times he had been the first to say to chase your dreams.

"Ready?" The leader asked again, looking at you and while infusing somehow the calm needed to take the stage.

The music echoed in the underground car park where he was holding the competition, it was not illegal but secrecy was something fundamental, and now your body responded to the music, starting to remember every single effort made in those weeks.

You wouldn't ruin anything, you would win.

~ ~

Your group had defeated the first group, something that made you particularly proud and now you should have been battling with another to gain access to the semifinals. Your gaze continued to wander in the huge crowds and inside you were hoping, even though you knew it was impossible, to see Yoongi's gummy smile.

Your group began to dance, you and two other girls had been joining at the third bar when a familiar voice spread anywhere and made all completely stop.

"Why did you stop? I want to see you dance, you were doing so well. " The voice said and you weren't the only one to know her. You became almost afraid it was just a figment of your imagination, but your friend erased all doubt.

"This is Suga's voice." She muttered upset.

"Then I'm not the only one to hear it.."

"I WANT TO SEE YOU DANCE, CMON'!" He yelled again, with his pick-ups English, making you smile like a child in front of the candy.

He was there, he was there and every fear you felt in those weeks vanished altogether. You would dance for him and after you would apologize for the bad girlfriend who you were.

Finally, the music began again and your group was ready for action, starting to dance following the choreography to perfection.

The victory was yours, you were more than confident.

~ ~

"WE WON, WE WON, YEAAAH. WE'LL GO TO SEMIFINALS!!! " JeuYoo shrieked, hugged you and making you laugh. She was a little girl but her enthusiasm was always welcome. "Y/N, WE WOOOOOOOON. BUT NOW I WANT TO SEE SUGA. WHERE IS SUGA. DID YOU HEAR THAT, WHERE IS HE!!! "

"Don't ask me." You muttered, ignoring her request; "Go to find him, if I find his I'll send you a text!"

"RUN!" And she ran really, making you sigh of relief.

You did not tell anyone about being Yoongi's girlfriend, you did not want favoritism or they took advantage of his fame to win the competition.

More than yourself, it was always Yoongi's sake that you cared.

"I thought you'd get tired of me." A voice behind you murmured, making you turn and running towards the dark corner where it had arrived.

Your boyfriend was waiting for you with his gummy smile on his face and a small Freesia in his hand, your favorite flower.

In his simplicity, he always managed to surprise you. You were throwing your arms around his neck, freezing in remember you were completely sweating soup and perhaps not very fragrant.

"Why don't you hold me??"

"I'm all sweaty Yoongi ..."

"Who the fuck cares, come here." He exclaimed almost blew for your response, lapping your shoulders with one arm. "It isn't a bit of sweat to get me away, silly girl." He added into your ear, provoking yet another smile.

You hid into his arms while he started to brush your back with his other hand, slipping his fingers along your spine just like you loved. He knew you so well that sometimes scared you.

"I'm sorry Yoongi..."

"Now that I know you don't want to leave me, I feel better."

"LEAVE YOU? Pabo... I'd be a fool to leave you. " You felt almost offended by his thoughts, but you couldn't blame him. You heaved your gaze and bit his cheek gently, causing him to rotate his eyes pretending to be disgusted.

"You're damn good Y/N, you know that? I'm used to Jimin, Jungkook-ah and Hobi.. but I've never seen anyone dance like you danced you tonight. " His compliments made you blush, forcing you to hide your face against his neck again. Two of his fingers were under your chin, lifting your face and letting your eyes met. Your eyes were talking without that they need to be accompanied by words.

"I'm proud of you, Y/N".

"You don't know how much this counts for me, Yoongi."

"Now we go home, take a shower and then I'll see what to do with you."

"What do you mean...?" You asked, not understanding what he meant.

"Oh... Now that I've seen you dancing you couldn't think you get away with it. I need a sexy dancer for my next solo videos. "

"Yoongi... NO WAY " You shouted and he tapped your mouth with his open hand, giving you a killer gaze.

"I'm not. Everyone needs to know how much you're fucking good, Y/N ".

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

Text

Updates

The reason I am taking a break from blogging is because i dont feel comfortable anymore talking about my life here. I am not such an open person; I prefer keepimg things to myself. It is only him who id talk to and a few bits and bites with other people rarely maybe! Although everything I have blogged about till now, I am cool with it and if i ever feel like somethings worth making a post about and havung it engraved online over here I sure will I guess

Few things have been stuck in my head. One is that in one of my old posts I said that it just feels like we stopped talking and nothing else. Well i dont think it is as simple as it sounds. Because its not just that. Not talking comes with a lot of other situations which are handled way too diffetently. Many of which pierces through my heart and is way too painful to have to accept. But long story short, we are not what we are anymore, atleast not right now. He is not ‘mine’ to call and literally everyone else in his life is technically closer to him and more accessible for him than I am. And God, that makes me feel so jealous.. Its so hard to be okay with this fact. I find myself almost at the verge of questioning life as to what have i done to be at this place but.. It is for Allah’s sake so yes I should leave it to Him and just pray and have patience.

Another thing is that. There is really not much I can do about us.. Other than to wait for him. I really can’t think of something i could possible do for us; even if there is anything, I think there is more to what he should take care of.

BUT, here is what I think i should do. Infact I think it is my responsibility/ duty. I owe it. NOT to him only though but to everyone else who loves me. Definitely my family. And I think also people like my friends and others at uni I will have to encounter on a daily basis.

So let’s come to the point. I think I should thrive to be a better humanbeing. That includes improving on a religious level, improving academically, improving my personality in general. As for friends and colleagues, it is about team work and helping each other out, being there for someone in need if within your capability. As for family, it is letting my parents know that they have raised a good person and so much more. As for him, it is not being any less than what he deserves, what I want him to have in life, of being responsible for whom his kids may call mom one day inshaAllah and.. So much more again! I feel like i should always thrive to get better. This means being hard-working, acquiring more skills, contributing in a positive way around you.

Another thing is that, in one of his blogs he was talking about having problems of directing his blogs towards me, as if he was talking to me. This is something very hard to control and I think no one will understand what he meant more than I will. So to make it easy for both of us, and also to add to that the reasons I put forward as to why Im not so comfortable blogging, I decided to not use tumblr regularly. When we were together, i used to feel the strong -need- to always make sure we maintain communication. As much as communication is a two person thing, I still used to believe that if any one person puts the extra effort and sincerely holds onto every chance of staying in touch, things will be fine. I still believe so. Now, me believing in such an idea does not really mean I fancy it or like it but whatever. Whats inportant to realize over here is that it should not be the case now. We are not together anymore. As much as i want to know every tiny detail about him all the time 24 7; I am not entitled to get all that information anymore. And I should accept it and act like it - whether i like it or not - And like i said, no, i dont like it but yeah.. And the only way I make it easier for myself to accept that is by using tumblr less; not regularly. That way i believe he can blog knowing its uncertain if i am going to read it anytime soon and also I get to realize over and over again, with a heavy heart that things have changed!

Okay so when I was talking about how there’s only so less I think i can do other than to wait, I also had to add to that about how i keep thinking about the past from time to time and it draws a lot, let me repeat, A LOT of emotions. Once again, there is not anything i can do about them and i should pray to Him and leave all these emotions behind and just have Sabr (patience).

Also, today is the first day I am fasting. Yes, like after missing out on 21 days of Ramadan this year and over 4 weeks of not praying. Here i am! So thats why I had to blog. Needed to leave a mark!

Also, this Eid, inshaAllah we might spend it in Makkah. I am looking forward to it!

Finishing the Quran will not be possible I think. I mean its not impossible actually but i dont think i have it in me to do so but inshaAllah lets see. I will keep reciting and giving it my best. One thing i often see is how we often feel like its just these 30 days you get a chance to finish the Quran. Like its now or never typa shit! I mean cmon, Ramadan does end but life goes on. Turn to the next page and keep reciting feom the Quran everyday even after Ramadan. You will finish it eventually. For many of us, we hardly spend enough time reciting if any page at all throughout the year and suring Ramadan wr aim to finish the whole thing -which is not bad though- but what is bad is how IF we arennot able to do so we feel like its the end if the world. Feel like such failures. That is so wrong. Obly people who spend significant amount of their time reciting Quran and finishing it every year might feel bad if specifically during the month of Ramadan they were not able to do so for any reason. Ugh ok enough..

And as for working out, I just worked ou for 2 days so far and I am having all positive vibes in me. InshaAllah I will be able to get very regular at it. The thing with me is this is not new for me. I lose significant amount of weight every vacation. 6 kgs is a minimum! But the thing is that very thought can sometimes make me overconfident! Also another thing is the slow result. From my experience, in the beginning when you start working out you hardly see changes but what is important at this stage is that you go on. Carry on. If you dont see any weught changes, i think it is better to focus on the mental soothing working out brings about. I mean its not all about losing weight. It also cleanses your soul. You get to relax! Its more like at the start, you have the 'stubborn weight’ which doesnt drop but once it DOES, and you carry on, it just keeps dropping way easily. So you just need to hang in there. Working out also teaches patience which i really like and need veing such a perfectionist.

So now to end this post. Good thing i brought the fact about me being a perfectionist up cause this is where i need it. Being a perfectionist, wanting that perfect life. Well, ik this life is not perfect; it is not aupposed to be. But then there is still some sanity you can pray for, you can wish for perfection to an extent. And right now it is the complete opposite of “perfection”. It is like not 'zero’ perfection but more like the scales have moved to the negative markings! And that disturbs me so much..!

Aha. Thats it for now! :)

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morningpages-louise · 5 years

Text

November 01 - Setting intentions for November, looking back at 2018 so far, and Reminders and affirmations of life.

it's fucking november. what the fuck. this month, no this year, it went by so fast. i literally say that every year tho. we all do. why is that? the worst part is, most of us, including me, go by it without being mindful. without appreciating the things happening before us. we just kind of let these moments slide right through us. we forget to be mindful. we forget to take a breath, look around and appreciate. appreciate all that we have. appreciate this moment right here which will never ever be replicated. instead, we thinkin about what's lacking. we think about what could make these moments better. we bring in negativity into an otherwise perfect moment. it's annoying as hell but we all do it, we do it unconsciously. this negativity should not and will not rule over our lives. that's why this November, I VOW TO BE MORE MINDFUL--take deeper breathes. take things slower. not overthink every single fucking situation and just allowing each moment to pass. i really want to spend less time infront of my screen too. engaging in mindless social media which is so damn bad i dont know why im sucked into it so much :( but yeah. i just want to go back to the basics. slow down. appreciate. and cherish these last 2 months that I have left. because i will never have these months left. appreciate and take into grattitude.

i would also really like to just look at this year that went by because it's almost coming to a close. 2 months. you know what i find myself being so busy but I must never forget who i am and who my values are and what i value and why i took up all these opportunities in the first place -- for growth, to develop myself, to step out of my comfort zone and become more of the person who i am bound to be, whoever that is. sometimes i really feel like im being sucked in the system. it's like i forget the reason why i decided to do this work in the first place. and it's so damn important to never lose that. never lose that meaning and that reason and that drive that pushed us to try this new thing out in the first place. so damn important. huhu i feel like im on my flow. i love it when these moments come. work starts to be on autodrive and my mind is clearer, and i feel more motivated to work and all. but yes, it's november 2 now. i started writing this november 1. I feel like when i started this term, i had a grip on my life. i had so much free time. i had a routine set in motion, but then it felt at times like i was just doing certain things for that tick on my planner, which is one of the reasons i stopped using my green bulletjournal. and i was just setting myself up to do so many things -- listen to the news, meditate, write, yoga, and all that stuff and the reality is, as simple as these tasks may be, i just didn't have the time to do most of the stuff and i wanted to do it out of impulse and not out of force, although i do know that that force is what makes certain tasks habits but you get what i mean. so yeah ive completely gotten rid of that way of living. now, it's just me and a black empty canvas and i kind of just choose how i go about my day. the things i want to do more of are

--> Find more time to Read. god, it's been so hard to slip in a quick 30 minutes or even a goddamn chapter :( i get so anxious man gud. so even if i do find a little hole for me to do what i love doing so much, i get an anxious feeling in the back of my mind which is annoying as hell.

--> Indulge in creative projects. no, not write for the sake of my damn internship and shit but create projects that give me joy. i feel like its so important to find time to do these things because being creative is a sort of portal to your soul. it taps into your consciousness and what interests you, what aspects fascinate you and all that stuff. for me, i'd really love to create more personal videos about important moments in my life. i've only done one video about my birthday but it felt so damn great to be honest. the next one i would like to do would be a video about my unit because that unit i hold so close to my heart man. so many memories. so many moments. so many people whove spent a certain amount of time at one point of their lives. im really obsessed with memories. i love saving them. i love keeping them and organizing them so i can look through them from time to time. yup i guess im floating. that's the song im listening to now. it's awesome. it feels like im stuck in a particular moment. held within time. that kind of stuff. god writing feels so good. it gives me a fucking high. makes me tap into my consciousness and check in on how im feeling. okay anyways getting a bit off track.

--> spend more time appreciating things and being in the moment rather than on social media. cmon guys, it's practically the last 60 days of 2018 and im gonna spend it attached to my goddamn phone? nuh-uh. the time for living should be now. the time for being aware and savoring every little moments and creating memories and cherishing them and just taking moments to feel goddamn alive you know. make this year worth something.

but honestly, it's hard to really look back at this year and see the growth that has transcended over the course of the few months. it's hard to look back because im living in it right now and i don't know. right now, it doesn't really feel like much has changed. it doesn't really feel like ive grown. or ive changed or ive bloomed which was literally this year's motto dba. that's why my peg for the whole year was a sunflower, inspired by tylor the creator's album sunflowers or whatever it was called. i still feel the same. i have felt like im the same person for so long to be honest. it never really feels like ive changed, but i bet i have. i just fail to see it. but honestly in terms of headspace, i can honestly say that i feel like im in a better place. im more at peace with certain aspects of my thoughts. ofcourse, i don't think we can ever really be fully at peace with ourselves, but in some way i feel like ive mended certain parts. i'm not in so much pain anymore. when i started the year, i had just broken up with my boyfriend of almost three years. ofcourse i still think about him every now and then, how can you not honestly especially when you spend so much time with a person like that, and it does still pain me when he chats with me to ask something or when i see him because i get a little hope extinguished in me of us getting back together even though i know in the end, despite everything, that we're better off apart. we're better off not together. because it was getting so bad. there was no fire. there was nothing. i felt like i was just forcing myself at times to like him. i didnt even look forward to seeing him whenever i came back from Manila, and that's not a good sign at all. so yeah, i know the most annoying advice ever is when people say time heals. it's so frustrating because you can't really do anyhing but let time heal you and well, it's true. it sucks but its so true. in time, you will just hurt less. there will be a time when his name comes up and it doesn't hurt so much or your thoughts don't start jumping up into nostalgic memories of the both of you. strangers again. it sucks but its the reality, i guess. i knw we shouldn't be together. we weren't a good match no matter how much nstalgia tells you otherwise. but i really really really hope to become good friends with him atleast. not be so fucking scared whenever im about to see him. not feel like i have to drink a whole fucking liter of beer before i see him. because in all honestly, he was such a good friend. so caring and so kind and he always tried to make a positive situation out of something so negative. his optimism sometimes annoyed the shit out of me especially when we were together because it's not as easy to just say like oh don't think about it like that. life is so much more complicated than that. its' a lot more complex. hay i really miss talking to him. he was such a good person to just let everything out to. i miss that the most. but it's okay. i have this morning thoughts now dba? to let everything out and just dump my thoughts and whats been circulating nonstop in my mind. cge anyways, what else. i feel healed. i feel like my headspace is better. well--i also feel like ive gotten better with regards to my connections. i love how this year, ive added new people to my circle. my favorite part. i love how this year has opened me to meeting more people. it has also let me become closer to my existing relationships. made it stronger and that makes me so happy. probably the most important thing i learned this year was the importance of connections, and that no man is an island. no matter how introverted we may be, we can't survive without having connected with other people. i really just want to have more of those throughout my life--genuine connections. where i can be myself and they can be themselves. and where we actually enjoy each others companies. not lackluster, shallow relationships that never seem to go beyond a certain level you know. i want deep, loving, intimate connections. i wish to find a tribe of people where i feel supported and everything. my life goal. but yeah im happy ive opened myself up to meeting new people. probably the biggest development of this year is well the fact that i now have an internship-say what? and or a company ive been following for quite some time nonetheless, mad travel. this whole year i feel like ive been trying to get a job and now i finally have found the time to do so and it makes me happy :) atleast. i know i am capable of gainig jobs and putting myself out there. i feel more confident applying for my jobs and my resue is looking fine. and although my internship is actually sort of a source of stress and anxiety these days, i shouldnt take it so goddamn seriously because in 2-3 years i will just look back at these moments and it wont even matter. what mattered is i did my best. i shouldnt take my work so seriously gyud. that's why i hate turning down friends or turning down invitations for my fucking work because in the end we all fucking die. in the end whatever titles we may have at the moment wont even fucking matter you know. we all die in the end so just live unapologetically and bear yourself to the world. that's so damn difficult and i feel like we take life so damn seriously. we really need to loosen up and have fun and not overthink every single fucking thing. why are we all so damn anxious? it makes me so angry like goddamn get it together. we have lost the true essence and meaning of our lives. we have forgotten why we are here in the first place. to love. to feel. to experience. to learn and most of all, to enjoy. okay that's my ted talk. goodbye and sayonarra.

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seriouslysoulsearching-blog · 6 years

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I’ve been so, so busy

The whole month of January has practically gone by and I haven’t posted anything! Day shift at work is VERY consuming. The pace is SO different from nights. The first week or two of working days I felt like my head was spinning from trying to keep up with all the buzz of day shift and trying to learn new stuff. Not to mention waking up at 5 in the morning--ugh! I feel like crap every morning I wake up. I just zombie through the first hour and a half until I get onto the floor. However, once the day starts, I hit the ground running. I don’t feel tired during the day because there’s literally any time to sit. When I come home, I’m WIPED. Days has a whole different pace because there’s more daily meds to be given, discharges/admissions happen more frequently, report to the NPs, talking to the patient’s and their families. It’s A LOT but I’m still liking it. I feel so incredibly grateful to be working on the unit that I do. The floor itself is interesting because it’s trauma. It’s not boring as shit like a general med-surg floor would be. It’s a smaller unit and the patients still share 2 to a room and the floor is sectioned off in pods so all my patients are in the same area (i.e: I’m not running all over the place) And most importantly, the staff are WONDERFUL people. So open to giving help and teaching me when I ask questions/ask for assistance. They are so friendly and so nice. Even though I enjoyed nights, I’m going to officially work for days. My manager approached me two or so weeks ago and told me that I would have the option to choose what shift I would work once orientation ends (which is Feb 4th--two weeks away!!???!?!) since there are people leaving on both shifts. I was a little undecided for a few days, but I was sold working for days when I was able to actually be productive on my days off--such as: running errands, seeing friends, or simply having time to myself. I’ve even gone out after work a few times to meet up with friends.

Which brings me to my next point I wanted to mention, I’ve been feeling more up to socializing than I have in a really long time. And most importantly, I finally feel like I’m beginning to be more like myself again. I feel lighter in the sense that my mind is less heavy. Don’t get me wrong, my anxiety is prevalent on the regular, but I’m laughing more sincerely--I mean like good belly laughs, almost crying. I’m getting along SO much better with my mom--I’m able to practice more patience with her. I don’t know if that’s because it’s a good week for me or that’s how it’ll hopefully move forward with my mom. I think now that she see’s me working and making a living, she’s giving me more space/ given me more respect. Which is nice but I should have been getting that regardless. I DIGRESS. Back to my point. I’ve been socializing more as of late. My old friend Jack texted me earlier this week inviting me to see his band play at a place in Philly. He said Cate, Zayna, Jess were going and that after his gig they were just gonna drink afterwards at that bar. I had work that night but I told him I’d come afterwards. I figured I hadn’t seen my old high school friends in quite some time and it would be a great setting to meet up with them--and I was exactly right, I had a ton of fun with them. I felt like I always say I want to hang out with that group when they’re hanging/ say I want to see Jack play, but never follow through. But on Thursday night, I followed through and had a good time. I brought a change of clothes with me to work, got changed and cleaned up in the staff locker room, and pushed through the sleepiness. I’m glad I did! Cate is my true connection left to that group. Well, actually, Zayna will always be my bud too, we’ve always been so comfortable with each other and every time we see each other we leave off right were we left it. Anyway, I’m just proud I followed through this time. THEN, Friday night (yesterday), I met up with Lindsay. I texted her last weekend out of the blue and asked if she wanted to get drinks in the city. I wanted to see her new apartment and catch up. I feel like now that I’m single and working, when I do have time off, I want to be more proactive. I had a GREAT time with her as well. Our conversation was so fun. Considering we’ve known each other since we were three, we’ve had a natural connection, so that too felt really natural. I wasn’t feeling anxious leading up to it or during, which was a concern of mine. Anyway, we walked to a pub called Dandelion a few blocks away from her apartment in rittenhouse. I loved the atmosphere of the place it was so cozy, so packed, and really reminded me of pubs in Ireland. I love that Lindsay is at a point in her life where she’s just so free in terms of like, interacting with guys. Like when were signing the check at the pub, she put her phone number down on the receipt of our cute waiter! Like that is bold! I’d wuss out of doing that. I definitely want to keep going out with her because she’s single like me and just down to have a good time. And I really need that right now. We were joking our goal of the night was for each of us to make out with a guy that night (it didn’t happen, but the night was still great) Then after the pub, we stopped by her apartment to put my leftovers in the fridge. We were sitting and talking on her couch, and I was getting all comfy thinking I’d be ready for bed and even mentioned possibly just taking the patco back home, and Lindsay was like “it’s not even midnight yet. c’mon kait you said we had to find guys that we were gonna make out with. lets go to this bar right down the block for a drink” and I was like welllll I kinda wanna sleep and she didn’t take no for an answer she replied with something along the lines of “cmon lets just go to this bar and we could order water and go home after that” And I couldn’t say no to that! I grabbed my coat and off we went. When we first got to the bar, it was kind of empty. We grabbed a seat at the bar and got chatting with these two super attractive bartenders (we later figure out the one is engaged--sigh--but he was really cool to talk with regardless) We ended up staying there until 3 in the morning hahaha. When we got back to her apartment, we munched on my cold leftover fries and fell asleep in her bed. It was SUCH a good night. She’s such a good balance for me. Lindsay has always been the bossy type and in this situation, it was beneficial! I’m glad she pushed me to get my coat on.

Another major thing: I BOUGHT A CAR TODAY!!! Actually, funny story leading up to that, I woke up at 7:30 this morning (that’s right, I only slept for like, 3 1/2 hours) to make sure everything was lined up so I could get my car today. It was before nine when I got on the Patco. 15th/16th station wasn’t all that busy so I didn’t really think much that when I went underground and got onto the train (which I watched come in, btw) it was empty. The train doors close and the lights turn off. I’m like “hm okay, they’ll come back on in a second, I know sometimes they flicker” well, THEY DIDN’T. And then I noticed it didn’t stop at 12/13th st, or 9th/10th, the train would just blow through them. By 8th and market stop I came to the full realization that I’m on an empty, out of service train! I was underground and had no phone service. My next though was, well WHO am I going to call?? Would I just end up going all the way to lindenwold to the service station and have to bang on the heavy metal train doors until someone saw me?? To be fair, I stayed REALLY calm through this. I realized how comical it was from the getco. So because I stayed calmed, I was able to think about finding a number to called based on remembering there was a sing on train I read every time I take it which says something along the lines of “if you see suspicious behavio , call this number” And it turned out being helpful! The patco police number was on that sig! Once the bridge was crossing over the river, I was able to get service again, and I knew once I’d get back on the jersey side my service would drop for the first few stops since they’re also under ground. So as soon as I saw that 4G icon pop up on my phone, I called the patco police and was like “um hi hello I’m a passenger on a train and I don’t think they know I’m on it because the lights are out and they haven’t stopped at any of the stops yet” hahah sucha funny phone call to make. And they were like, well what train are you on/which direction/what stop do you need to get off on/we’ll contact them/we’ll call you back (in gist) Welp, turns out, it was an express train that was running today for the women’s march that was goin exclusively to and from 15th street stop to collingswood. WHOOPS. Hahaha. Makes for a great story and I got plenty of laughs out of it today. And I managed to make other people laugh while telling it. It was a fun mini adventure to have while mildly hungover.

I’m going have to finish talking about my day today tomorrow. I have work in the morning and it’s almost 10:30. I NEED SLEEEEEP so tired. Especially from today. So exhausting! I did so much running around. As soon as I got off the patco, I was calling the car dealership about faxing stuff over to my credit union in order to secure the loan. The loan office was only open til 1 today so I had a time crunch. By the time the dealership sent over the proof of purcahse papers to the credit union, it was 11. And I called twice in the morning and couldn’t reach anyone. So I decided to drive over there myself to hopefully speed up the process of getting that check from the credit union. I get to the office building around 11:45 and the woman was like “well, I may not be able to process it today because there’s another person who I was gonna do the car loan paperwork and I may not be able to do yours before 1 today” blah blah blah. But I was like “welp, I’m just gonna sit here” and sure enough, I got helped on. While waiting for the loan person to get all my paper work ready for me to sign, I had to call the insurance company and open up my own policy. And I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Honestly this whole process of buying a car, I’ve basically followed my mom’s suggestions (she’s more informed) but I have like barely a fucking clue about the interest rate, car insurance, and loan shit. My brain was FRIED. Not to mention, I was moderately hung over, and hadn’t gone home yet. So it’s like 1 PM by the time I sign my loan paperwork and get the check, and I’m STILL wearing my outfit from last night, with the make up I didn’t wash off my face from the night before, smelling like B.O. So I quickly race home, shower off my hang over, and shove my face with food because I hadn’t eaten at all at that point. Then around 2:30, I headed down to the car dealer with my mom to pick up my car. That shit took almost two or so hours to get done as well. I was so eager just to get the fuck out of there. Doing this whole adult thing is fucking exhausting. I was running around ALL day today for this fucking car purchase. It was damn worth it though because I absolutely love my new car. I love love love it. Every thing about it. I feel so comfortable driving in it. I enjoy being higher up off the ground--I can see so much more.

Okay so I said I was gonna go to bed but ended up writing all that so now I REALLY need to stop typing and get some sleep because it’s almost 10:45 and I’ve gotta be up sooner than I’d like. It’s kinda funny that everything I wrote is basically from this past week. It goes to show how much goes on on the day-to-day. I still have to talk about that date I had with a guy named Dan and my current feelings about looking for guys. But for now...zzzzzzz

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