#i know valentines day is passing but i've still got some things i'd like to reply to / answer related to it so i'll be accepting that

[annymation]

Okay, I know Valentine's Day just passed, but how would a Valentine's Day interaction go with Aster and Asha? What would each of them do for each other on Valentine's Day?

Sorry for the VERY late reply, haven't got much time to answer lately, and before I didn't have much inspiration for this one, but @uva124 gave me an idea, so here's a little Valentine's day story

Asha decided that for Valentine's day she'd make a painting for Aster, a painting of a field of purple aster flowers, with a beautiful night sky.

However, because she's quite the perfectionist, and not as skilled with painting as she is with drawing, she felt like the painting wasn't quite good enough no matter what she did. So for days before Valentine's day arrived she'd hide in her room trying to finish it, not letting Aster see it.

But then the day actually arrives and she loses track of time trying to finish it, before she knows it it's already close to night time

*knock knock*

"Asha? You're in there?" Aster asks worried from outside her room

"A-AH! Don't come it yet! I'm busy!" Asha has her hands and arms all covered in paint as she tries to hide her unfinished work behind a cloth

"I know, you said so earlier but... Valentine's day is almost over, do you wanna hang out?" Aster sounded a bit sad that they didn't even see each other earlier

Asha looks surprised noticing it's indeed sunset, she completely lost track of time "Oh no! Ugh I knew I should've used acrylic paint!" She says in frustration

(For those who don't know, acrylic paint dries way faster than oil paint, I'd know, I used to make oil paintings)

"What are you talking about" Aster says coming in the room, they see her covered in paint "*gasp!* You were painting!?" He smiles widely "I didn't know you knew how to draw AND paint too!"

"That's because I honestly don't know how to paint, this turned out a mess" She points to the canvas hidden behind a piece of cloth

"... Let me be the judge of that" Aster walks in and pulls out the cloth to see her art.

The night sky is full of white dots splattered around that do resemble stars, and the purple field of flowers looks quite messy because the flowers all sorta mixed together into one purple blur.

Aster looks at the canvas in awe while Asha covers her face in shame "It looks like a child made it, I'm sorry, I've wasted the whole day instead of spending time with y-"

"I LOVE IT!" Aster exclaimed hugging her tightly "It looks amazing! What do you mean "like a child made it"???"

Asha smiles at him, but she still feels insecure about the painting "I wanted it to be perfect"

They smile at her reassuringly "You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be you, and that's way more than perfect for me, okay?" he says while still hugging her

She blushes as a big smile stretches across her face, she hugs him as well "Okay heheh" she giggles a bit, feeling her heart flutter

"Now! It's my turn to give you a gift, come on!" Aster pulls her by the hand out of the room

They go to the cliff next to the tree Asha wished upon Aster

(I make a lot of romantic scenes take place next to this tree but come on it's a cool location)

They watch the sun set together, leaning on one another without really saying anything, just admiring the beautiful sight

Once the sun is gone and the stars start to appear, Asha says "That was a beautiful gift" holding Aster's hand

"Oh that wasn't my gift yet" Aster corrects her with a cheeky smile "OKAY GUYS! Do your thing!" Aster yells to the sky above them

Asha looks up, already excited to see what he got planned but... Nothing seemed to happen

"... Guys???" Aster asked the stars, already getting nervous they wouldn't do the one little favor he asked

Then, Asha sees it, a shooting star cutting through the night sky

"*Gasp!* You asked for a shooting star just for me?" Asha asks hugging his arm

Aster looks quite disappointed though "... No, I asked for a meteor shower, it was supposed to be A BUNCH of those, like come on, is throwing some asteroids around too hard???" They ask, frustrated that things didn't go as he planned

"Hehe you don't need to make a whole cosmic event happen to make me happy" She leans on their shoulder "I love just watching the sun set with you"

Aster feels his heart beating faster "And I love you"

"I love you too"

They kiss under the starry night sky.

A few more shooting stars can be seen passing by.

#wish rewrite #wish reimagined #kingdom of wishes #ask #asha x star boy #asha x starboy #asha x star

[hollybell51]

In this timeline

Navigation

Trevor Holden (0115) x Philip Pearson (3326)

Travelers (2016)

Word count: 11.5K

Summary: Philip has made some bad decisions. This isn't one of them.

Content: Smut, hurt/comfort, bit of fluff (I guess?), Philip is horrendously down bad, Trevor is too, making out, hickeys, hand jobs, blow jobs, anal, fingering, dirty talk (like a tiny bit dw), Trevor calls Philip "man" during sex, top Trevor/bottom Philip in an attempt to avoid Trevor's accidental twinkification (I fear this may have backfired), (there are honestly switchy moments too so idk if I'd label it as anything other than a healthy flexible dynamic), Philip's hallucinations, the age gape is mentioned but just in passing, implied/referenced drug use (guys c'mon it's Philip), everything canon typical. This takes place after s3 e3. I may have missed some things so lemme know if I should add anything xx

Notes: Happy valentines day! What even was season 3 honestly these two are so fucking whipped for each other it's stupid. How can anyone look at them and see anything but a married couple who are deeply, disgustingly in love with each other. Honestly. I'm so upset that this got cancelled (even though I lowkey liked the ending) so my insufferable ass is probably gonna deal with that through taking matters into my own hands. Also side note this is the first time I've posted m/m so don't be too mean I actually don't really know how men work so... yeah. Shit's been rough lately, breakup and car crash in the space of two days so I actually haven't proofread this sorry (there might be mistakes but that's ok because to err to be human <3) and also I’m literally a (queer) girl and I know nothing about gay (man) sex and it shows. You have been warned.

Philip had woken that morning (morning? Or afternoon? He can’t remember. It doesn’t feel like it had been morning when he’d finally swum up out of Marcy’s sedative) with Trevor in his bed. Well, it wasn’t Trevor, not really, but it was still nice. Not Trevor was smiling at him, wriggling closer, his hand finding Philip’s and pulling it towards his chest. Philip had blinked and he had shimmered, dispersed into light, reformed. He’d blinked again and Not Trevor was gone, and then the real world was flooding in and he half wished he hadn’t woken up at all. 

It’s been happening more and more often lately. Philip looks up from the computer screens and Not Trevor is already smiling at him. Not Trevor interrupts him with a kiss as he walks past. Not Trevor pads barefoot with a towel wrapped around his waist out of the bathroom and winks as Philip watches him go. Philip kneels next to the couch to pick up a ball bearing he’d knocked off the table from under its edge and when he looks up Not Trevor’s legs are either side of him and he has his head tilted back, shirt discarded and he’s panting hard. Philip has no doubt what that particular version of himself had just been doing. On the flip side, he pushes his chair back to take a break and Not Trevor grins up at him from between his legs, he leans over Philip from behind and slides his hand down his front, braces himself against the shower wall, tells Philip to turn around and get on his hands and knees and a million other things and Philip curses the update because none of those images are ever going to leave his head. 

Philip’s not too proud to admit when he likes someone. He’s human, after all, even if some days he doesn’t feel it, and Trevor is beautiful. It’s not just his host, either, although it probably helps to have been blessed looking like that, but there’s something about what 0115 and Trevor Holden have become — Philip’s Trevor, the team’s Trevor, 0115’s own Trevor — that pulls Philip in like a magnet. His joy is addictive. His enthusiasm for life, while it sometimes grates on Philip’s considerably less enthusiastic nerves, is infectious and maybe what people say about opposites attracting each other is right. Not even opposites, really — Philip doesn’t think they’re opposites, but he knows they’re not so-called twin flames — but something about Trevor balancing Philip. Pulling him out of those particularly dark little holes he knows it’s all too easy to get stuck in. Hell, he fell into one last night.

So Philip’s been peeking into other timelines and it’s been fueling the Trevor thing and now he’s waking up and half wishing that what he’s seeing is real. He wants to reach out and grab Trevor and never let go. He wants to stay in this bed with him and never have to do another mission again and just be and let humanity save itself. But, he tells himself firmly as he swings his legs over the side of the mattress and pauses, letting his body stabilise and adjust, that is not going to happen. No amount of wishing will make it. 

Carly and Marcy have explained, as best they can, and he really does feel bad for pulling that kind of shit when they’re all under stress, when nothing feels like it’s going right for anyone and they all have their own bullshit to deal with (he knows all about that, thanks to the update), but Aleksander’s face is still on the computer screens and Philip also knows Mac and Trevor will follow through. And that is where his brain snags for the second time today. Trevor, who found him on the floor and called Marcy over, “panicked” is the word the medic used, and then took off to kill a kid — to help Mac kill a kid. Trevor has faith in the Director, in the Grand Plan, Philip knows that as well as anyone, but he still cringes at the thought of what his roommate — because calling Trevor friend doesn’t quite feel right when he’s seen what he looks like when Philip is not going to complete that thought, they’re past coworkers, and he doesn’t feel like the other guy’s teammate anymore — must be thinking and feeling and doing right now. 

But then, after a few hours of Marcy and Carly doing their best to help him and Philip doing his best not to scream or break something or walk out the door and never come back, the Messenger comes through and just like that it’s all ok again. Marcy and Carly are relieved. Philip is relieved. A massive weight has been lifted off all their shoulders, so why does he still feel so heavy? 

He walks through erasing Mac’s memory like he’s walking through a dream, manages not to stare too long at the insubstantial vision of Trevor’s hand on his knee as they take their leader back to his house and (not uncarefully) deposit him in his bed. They leave. They drive back to ops. Marcy asks if he’s alright and he nods, doesn’t miss the way she says something too quiet to make out to Trevor as she heads back to David. Carly stays for longer, cleans a gun, then makes her exit with a firm hand on Philip’s shoulder and a tight smile. Then they’re alone, and Philip is staring at the screen with a cup of something (he thinks it might be tea, but it’s not hot anymore) he doesn’t remember getting in his hand.  

He doesn’t even hear Trevor approach until the engineer sighs, settling himself next to Philip’s shoulder. 

“The mother even speaks Romanian,” he says, steaming mug cradled in his hands. 

Philip glances at him and he shrugs. “Well that’s great, I’m obviously happy about that.” And he is, he really is. The woman smiling in the photograph looks like a kind person. She doesn’t have the sharpness about her eyes that Aleksander’s previous foster parents did, and maybe the familiarity of the language will help. He knows it did when they rescued the boy in the first place. The word rescue, even just in his mind, leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. He could have avoided the whole mission — putting Trevor and Mac through that — if he’d just stuck to what he was supposed to. There’s no way that this wasn’t some sick lesson. But still… “Why didn’t we start there?”

Trevor pauses before he answers, eyes still locked on the computer screen, brow furrowed. “That wasn’t the path he was on.” 

Sometimes Philip forgets how old Trevor — 0115 — is. He doesn’t act like an old man, as much as the others (Philip included) call him that and joke about it, as much as Trevor himself is open and just as willing to talk about the fact. But there are moments like these when Philip can see 0115’s plural lifetimes of experience and knowledge and wisdom poking through that barely adult face, and it catches him off guard. He’s not put off by Trevor’s age, Truth be told, he’s not sure if anything could put him off Trevor, but it can still be a little unnerving. 

“You don’t need to explain that part to me.” Philip tries not to sound annoyed, because he isn’t. Not really. “What I'm asking you is why we didn’t get a mission to change his path in the first place.” 

Again, Trevor shrugs, and on anyone else the gesture would look flippant. Not him, though. Nothing’s ever flippant with Trevor unless he wants it to be. “Maybe we did. The Director has to thread the needle on billions of possibilities happening to billions of people in a billion different places all over the world. If it seems hard to understand the steps that lead to a particular outcome, it’s because it’s literally impossible for any of us to understand that.” 

Philip can feel Trevor’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t look up. “I hate that.” 

There’s a pause, and he feels Trevor shift infinitesimally closer. “Yeah,” he says. “But you can’t argue with the results.” 

This time Philip does raise his eyes from the screen, turning in his chair to face his roommate. The other guy is perched on a filing cabinet, and Philip has the distinct urge to tell him to just get a chair. He looks a little ridiculous; elbows on his knees, feet resting against the desk (he really wants to tell him to get a chair), cup in his hands and that look that’s so sincere he’d laugh if he saw it on anyone else. It’s so… him and Philip can’t look away. 

Trevor sighs, leans forward and sets down his cup, his feet slipping off the desk as he twists to face Philip. “It wasn’t your fault,” he tells him. 

Philip shakes his head, looking away. He wishes he could believe Trevor, wishes he had just an ounce of his conviction. “It was. By definition, Trevor.” 

“You were trying to save him.” 

“And I made things worse. The Director was teaching me a lesson, I know it was. I know… I know I shouldn’t have tried to interfere.” 

“Hey, hey.” Trevor’s hand is firm and warm on Philip’s shoulder. “You tried to do what you thought was right. And yeah, it didn’t really work out, but it’s in the past. We can’t change that.” He stops, as if realising the irony of his words, then, “Nobody blames you, Philip.” 

“They should.” I do. 

Trevor is close enough that Philip can see the evening sun gilding the tips of his eyelashes, and his voice is so gentle it hurts. “What good is it gonna do now, huh? How is holding onto all that shit and dishing out blame and responsibility gonna help anyone?” 

Philip doesn’t have an answer for that, but he’s not sure if that matters. Not sure if he could speak even if he wanted to, because Trevor is still touching him and Philip must have slid his chair closer because he doesn’t remember the gap between them being this small. Trevor is searching Philip’s face, and he can practically see the cogs ticking behind his eyes — which, up close, never fail to suck Philip’s focus like a vacuum. 

“It’s not your fault. It was never going to be your fault, Philip.”

Philip swallows hard, tongue darting out over his lips. It’s too quiet and too loud all at once, and he wants to look away and he never wants the moment to end. The world is blurry, all he can see is Trevor, his skin is too tight and Trevor’s simultaneously too close and not close enough and then he is leaning the last few inches and all Philip can think is that this has to be another timeline. Things like this don’t happen to him, at least not this him, and—

Oh. Oh. 

Trevor’s lips are soft against his own, the hand that had been resting on his shoulder sliding up to hover almost hesitantly at his jaw. Philip can feel his own heart beating at a million mph, his blood rushing in his ears, and without even realising it he’s kissing Trevor back, tilting his head and pressing closer, Trevor’s skin so warm against his. 

The thing about what Philip sees — hallucinations, illusions, visions, whatever he calls them — is that he doesn’t feel it. He didn’t process the warmth of Not Trevor’s hand when it had been resting on his leg in the car or against his own that morning. He hadn’t felt the press of Not Trevor’s shoulders between his thighs, hadn’t felt the rush of breath over his skin when Not Trevor had laughed and kissed his cheek. And he certainly hadn’t felt the slick softness of Not Trevor’s tongue brushing over his lip. 

Oh, is all Philip can think again as he lets Trevor part his lips, the barest hint of his tongue sliding against his. A question. A warning. A test. Of course, the answer is yes. Philip knows in his soul that the answer will always be yes for Trevor, no matter what timeline they’re in. He feels himself sinking, floating, and when he pushes back against Trevor and slips his own tongue into his mouth, he can taste the tea he was drinking. Trevor is warm and sweet and Philip has never tasted anything so good and now his hand is moving, fingers tangling in Philip’s hair and if it weren’t for the rushing in his ears he could have sworn that Trevor gives a pleased little hum.  

Philip wants to stand, wants to crowd closer and take Trevor’s face between his hands, stand between his legs and feel the press of his body against his own. He wants to feel Trevor’s skin on his, wants him under him and on top of him and everywhere he can think of. He’s pretty sure that Trevor’s knee is blocking him from getting any closer, that and the fact that he’s still sitting in his chair. 

So, as much as it pains him to do so, Philip pulls back from Trevor’s mouth and pauses, heart still thundering, breathing hard, and looks at him. Trevor’s lips are kiss swollen and still parted, his eyes dark and locked on Philip and Philip alone. His hand doesn’t leave Philip’s hair, thumb moving in a tiny arc over the skin under his ear and he knows that even if he wasn’t a Historian, even if he wasn’t hardwired to remember everything, this moment would be ingrained in his brain forever. 

“Are you…?” Trevor starts, watching as Philip pushes himself to stand, his eyes following his every move, head tipping back. He wavers, and for a moment he’s shirtless and sweaty and his cheeks are flushed pink. Not Trevor tilts his head to the side, teeth digging into his bottom lip, and Philip blinks. His Trevor is still watching him, a hint of concern marring his face. 

Philip just nods, watching Trevor’s hand trail down over his chest, coming to rest right over his heart. He wonders if he can feel how hard it’s beating. He looks so serious and sincere, and Philip still can’t believe that this isn’t just because of the update. This is real. This is happening here and now. 

“Philip,” Trevor murmurs, voice thick. God, Philip could listen to that all day. 

He dips his head, and he’s sure that Trevor is smiling as their lips meet again. Philip is painfully aware of where his legs aren’t quite touching him, just resting either side of his hips, but that doesn’t matter because Trevor’s hand is sliding down his torso to sit feather light on his hip, not quite on the waistband of his pants but close enough that Philip feels blood rushing quickly downwards. He places  his own hands firmly either side of Trevor’s face, feels the muscle there twitch momentarily, the mechanism of Trevor’s neck and jaw sliding smoothly like well oiled machinery as he kisses him deeper, harder. His fingers curve perfectly around the back of Trevor’s neck, and this time he’s sure when he hears the little sound slip from the engineer, muffled by his own tongue. It is going to drive Philip insane. Trevor is going to drive him insane. He already is. 

“Philip,” Trevor says again, and Philip really can’t help but push closer. The edge of the filing cabinet is hard against his thighs, the metal cold through his jeans and somehow that is what brings Philip’s spiralling, out of control, too-much-too-fast brain back to the present. And then it clicks, and a stone sinks deep in his stomach. Trevor is distracting him, taking his mind off a truly terrible day because Philip did something stupid last night and Trevor found him this morning. He breaks away, breathing hard for an entirely different reason now. 

Trevor’s hands stop him from going far, his eyebrows furrowing into that familiar concerned frown. “You alright?” 

“I…” Philip stops, takes a breath, swallows. Yes, he’s alright. He’s more than alright with Trevor kissing him, with kissing Trevor. But here and now… Philip isn’t sure how to voice that. He knows Trevor wouldn’t judge him, not after Jenny. Trevor isn’t someone from the 21st, where sex is currency and intimacy is a completely separate thing. Trevor, like most from their time, knows that there’s more to it than that, he knows about Jenny because Philip has told him about Jenny and that whole mess and he trusts Trevor not to ignore all that. But…

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Trevor says, and Philip unfreezes. “I didn’t think it through. I know it’s been rough, and I don’t wanna rush you or—” 

“Are you trying to distract me?” 

Trevor stops, his frown deepens and he shakes his head. “Not really. Maybe a little.” He sighs. “I mean, I didn’t kiss you to distract you. But if I am… is that a bad thing?” He takes a deep breath, his fingers curling on Philip’s hip. “Do you want me to stop?” 

“I don’t…” He isn’t sure what he’s supposed to make of that. It’s not what he wants to hear, but it's not what he doesn’t want to hear either. Truth be told, he doesn’t even know what that is. All he knows is that Trevor means more than 21st century sex and he is in way too deep here. 

Philip does not consider himself brave. He knows people in the future who would say he is just for being here now, but the truth is, they don’t know what they’re talking about. He is not brave, he simply exists. He is a piece in a machine and there is nothing brave about that. But this is different. This is Trevor, and Trevor has always made Philip feel like more than that. Like he’s a person, and more importantly, like that person is worth something. And no, Philip doesn’t want Trevor to stop. He would be happy to live in this moment forever, and that’s the problem. Philip swallows. He will be brave. 

“I don’t want you to be a distraction.” 

Trevor draws back, a tiny wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. “What do you want me to be?”

Philip almost curses, swallows again, looks at his hands. “I want you to be you. You… You mean something to me, Trevor. I want this to mean something.” 

Philip isn’t brave enough to look back at Trevor, but he doesn’t have to be. The other guy’s hand is on his cheek, tilting his face back towards his, and when their eyes meet all Philip can see is the familiar warmth and understanding and joy that Trevor somehow carries within himself no matter what. “It does,” Trevor whispers, and kisses Philip again. 

This kiss tastes different. It has to, Philip supposes as Trevor inches forward on his perch, gripping his shoulders, his arms, his waist, his hips. Trevor really does mean something to Philip, more than he ever would have guessed he could. It’s not because of the visions, and it’s not because Trevor is kissing him now. It’s everything else. It’s Trevor bringing Philip a fastfood meal after he’d been shot. It’s the wordless hands on his shoulders when he’s the first to arrive at the garage and the last to leave. It’s the undiluted wonder and awe in his face when he looks outside. It’s the insistence that he’ll come with Philip, even if it’s because he doesn’t fully trust him — because whatever the reason, Philip likes that he doesn’t feel alone. The reminders that Philip is human, just as human as Trevor, because sometimes that is the hardest thing to remember. 

And Philip really does feel like shit for this morning. For last night, when he’d seen the mission come through and he’d sat there, frozen, and debated calling out Trevor’s name just to see another face and hear his voice, feel another person touch him and remember. But he hadn’t been brave last night. He’d run, and had left Trevor to find and clean up the mess he’d made. He feels his chest tearing apart, ripping violently right down the middle. 

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, tearing himself away from Trevor’s mouth. 

“What for?” Trevor frowns. 

Philip swallows. “Last night. This morning. All of… that.” 

The understanding is so clear in Trevor’s eyes, followed quickly by sadness that hits Philip like a punch. It resolves and shifts, and Trevor’s lips twitch into something that could be called a smile. “You scared me,” he says. 

“I know. I didn’t mean to.” An eyebrow raise at this, and Philip goes on, “I wasn’t trying to. I just… I don’t even know. I was going to tell you when it first came through but I just… I just couldn’t. You know?” 

Trevor nods, and Philip knows he means it. This is the guy who interrupted Grace Day’s TELL, for God’s sake. He doesn’t blame Philip for Aleksander. Things might get murky and complicated sometimes, but at the end of the day Trevor understands when it matters. “I wish you had,” he tells him. There’s no blame or resentment in it, just a statement of fact. “We could have worked something out together.” 

Now it’s Philip’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “Worked something out?” 

“Ok,” Trevor concedes, “maybe not work something out. But you didn’t have to be alone. You don’t have to be alone, Philip. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” 

It’s so much. It’s too much, and Philip is too heavy for this. So he just nods, watches as Trevor slides off the filing cabinet and stands before him. Philip lets him put his hands on his face and can’t stop himself from leaning into the touch. It doesn’t matter how small it makes him feel. Doesn’t matter that Trevor’s breath hitches in his chest when Philip keeps going and kisses him again, doesn’t matter that he can’t even begin to express what’s swirling in his update-addled, over-full and under-nourished brain right now. They’ve got time. Philip can untangle it all later. 

He pulls Trevor closer, so close he wonders if he can feel the beating of his heart against his own. He can feel his breathing, the expansion and contraction of his lungs and the rush of air on his cheek, the heat of his body and oh, yeah, ok, Trevor’s hard. The thought of that alone has Philip aching, hips pressing into Trevor’s, their jeans hard and rough between them. Something just this side of a moan slips from Philip as Trevor presses back, his hands once more finding Philip’s hair and commanding him to kiss him harder, kiss him longer, kiss him deeper. Philip is only too happy to oblige.

Trevor hums into his mouth as Philip reaches between them, fingers skirting the hem of his shirt. Trevor gives him an insistent nudge and that’s all Philip needs to slide his hand under the fabric, run it over the hot skin of his hip and the planes of his stomach, bunching his shirt up like it’s nothing. Philip wants to map out every cell of Trevor’s body, commit every curve and dip and hollow to memory like he’s memorised every TELL and candidate and major event. He passes his hand over Trevor’s ribs, up the centre of his abdomen, higher to his sternum and back down again to grip his waist. Touching him isn’t enough. Philip needs this man. 

Trevor’s grip on his hair tightens momentarily when Philip’s lips move from his own to his jaw, down the column of his neck. These kisses are wet, open mouthed, not quite careless but hardly neat, and if he goes any harder he’s going to leave marks. He isn’t sure if that’s something Trevor wants, but the other man’s head is tilted to let Philip continue, so he sucks — oh so lightly — at the spot where neck and shoulder meet. 

“Fuck,” Trevor hisses, fingers curling, hips grinding against Philip’s. Philip can literally feel his brain emptying of all thought except that he needs to make Trevor do that again. 

“Hm?” he asks, just in case (just in case what? He doesn’t know), and Trevor nods. So Philip does the only rational thing and sucks again, moves his head and does it to another spot, and now that he can see the darker patches of skin on Trevor’s neck, he never wants to stop. 

“Philip,” Trevor whispers, voice cracking. His throat moves as he swallows, hard, and Philip pointedly grazes the spot with his teeth. He tastes like the cheap soap they keep in the bathroom, and even though it’s the same one Philip uses day in day out, on Trevor’s skin and up this close it is somehow more. It’s Trevor, and Philip isn’t sure he’s ever going to be able to casually use the stuff again without this moment flooding his overly accurate historian brain. As desperate and insane as he knows the thought is, even as he has it, Philip wants to lick every trace of that soap off Trevor. But his shirt is still bunched around his chest and Philip can only reach so much of his skin around it. 

“Off,” he murmurs, pulling back just enough to see Trevor’s tongue dart over his lip, his eyes dark.

His voice is husky and raw when he speaks. “You too.” 

“Here?” The realisation that they’re still at the desk seems to strike Trevor the same moment that Philip fully processes it, eyes darting around the room. 

After a moment, Trevor shakes his head. “No,” he says, untangling himself from Philip enough to take his hand. “No, come on.”

Philip has never been led into his own bedroom. He’s never watched someone else’s hand pull at his, met someone else’s eyes over their shoulder, stumbled to keep up with someone else through his own door. Never been pulled onto his bed by someone else. He’s been pushed, which was exciting and fun and hot at the time, and he’s done the leading, and the looking back and the steadying at the inevitable stumble, but this is new. If Philip is completely honest, it’s a little unnerving. 

But then Trevor is facing him, reaching for his shirt and pulling it over his head and all Philip can think is holy shit because all that football pays off. Trevor’s mouth curves as he steps towards him, like he knows exactly what Philip is thinking. Which wouldn’t be that hard, since Philip isn’t exactly trying to keep a straight face. 

“You tryna catch flies, Philip?” Trevor asks him, and Philip feels his cheeks heat. He hadn’t even realised his mouth was open. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, eyes locked firmly on Trevor’s face. His smile. The collection of red marks dotting his neck. 

Trevor just shakes his head, stepping closer. “Don’t be.” His hands settle on the hem of Philip’s own shirt, his fingers barely brushing Philip’s skin. “But,” he goes on, “this isn’t fair.” 

“Oh, fair,” Philip echoes, raising his eyebrows. But he’s already taking over from Trevor, shrugging off the shirt and dropping it like it’s nothing (and it isn’t really, not when he has Trevor standing before him like this). “Better?” he asks. 

Trevor looks away from his face, and Philip can almost physically feel his eyes sliding over his torso, stopping at his chest, lifting back to his face and gleaming with something that he can only describe as incredulous excitement. “What’s that?” he asks, as if he doesn’t know. 

“Piercing.” Because that’s what Trevor’s looking at, and if Philip’s completely honest, he feels a little… proud? He’d had his doubts when he’d first discovered the ring through his nipple, and had been more confused by it than he had by the ear and nose piercings. He can understand jewellery where people are going to see it. He’d done his research on piercings and tattoos outside of the training on 21st century behaviour they’d all taken, at the same time as he’d taken a deep dive into tattoo symbolism (he’d been suddenly consumed by the fear that his host’s tattoos meant something he should know about, which hadn’t really been the case but Philip still thought that it was better to know than not). He hadn’t found much to convince him that the solitary ring through his nipple of all places was a particularly groundbreaking way to modify the body, but now… Now he thinks he might get it. 

Trevor is shaking his head, eyes still glued to the little piece of metal. “That’s so…” 

“Weird?” 

“No, it’s—” He stops, laughs, grins at Philip. “It’s really hot.” 

Philip can feel his eyebrows shooting up his face. “You think?” 

“Yeah, I… I don’t know why.” 

“Oh, ok.” That’s… unexpected. Philip knows that his host isn’t bad to look at, and he knows that some of the reasoning behind piercings is for attractiveness. He’s studied the face that he now calls his in the mirror a thousand times, he sees the body that he now inhabits every day and as far as 21st century guys in their late twenties go, it’s really not bad. Of course, there are the track marks and the occasional (lately more frequent) shadows under his eyes, stubble if it’s been a particularly rough few days (Trevor’s newly almost-permanent presence helps with that, even if he doesn’t know it), but hey, if Trevor’s standing here right now he knows he’s got something going for him. But the look in the engineer’s eyes when they meet Philip’s again makes him feel like a damn artwork. 

Trevor’s grin broadens, and before Philip can even begin to reconcile what that’s doing to him Trevor’s lips are on his once more and he’s being pulled hard against him, skin to skin, heart to heart, Trevor’s hands roaming over his shoulders and his back and his waist and his ribs and his chest and Philip is moaning into the kiss like… he doesn’t even know what. 

They’re moving, almost tripping over each other and it’s a miracle either of them can keep their balance, but then Trevor’s knees hit the edge of the bed and they’re half falling onto it, a little uncoordinated but does that really matter when Trevor is still pulling Philip close, smiling even as his tongue dances alongside Philip’s? He’s all too aware of where his body is, where his leg presses between Trevor’s and his arm is locked, holding his weight off the other man. 

Trevor, however, has both hands free. Gooseflesh prickles across Philip’s chest and stomach as he trails his hands over his body, electricity sparking when his fingers skirt the waistband of his pants. He feels Trevor smile again, and his breath hitches in his throat. Shit, he’s never going to be able to kiss anyone else again. He doesn’t even want to kiss anyone else. Ever. 

“Do you want this?” Trevor murmurs against his lips, the tips of his fingers just dipping below his waistband and oh fuck he hadn’t realised just how badly he wanted that. 

Philip nods, then groans when Trevor palms him because even through his pants his hand is a million times better than his own. The other guy curses, does it again, and Philip’s teeth dig into his bottom lip. His eyes are dark and sincere, flicking between Philip’s own and where his fingers are curling gently around his clothed cock. 

“Can I?” Trevor asks. Philip has never nodded faster. He’s not even entirely sure what Trevor’s getting at, but he’s happy to let him touch him however he wants, wherever he wants, and he trusts him completely. Of course he already knew that — you kind of have to trust your team, after all — but he’s only just realising that he’s trusted Trevor as more than a team member for quite some time. Probably right alongside everything else that’s become more than a team member with Trevor. 

Philip isn’t wasting time philosophising, his attention fixed firmly on Trevor’s hand which is back at his pants and oh that’s what he meant. He helps out, shoving his pants down and off with less grace than he’d like, underwear following suit. The air is cool on his hot skin, and for a moment he feels oddly exposed. Then Trevor is pushing at his hip, tongue darting over his lips again and there’s almost an urgency to his movements. 

“C’mon, just— Hold on a second—” he says, still attempting to manoeuvre Philip. 

He almost laughs at his eagerness. “Trev, give me a second, man. What’re you tryna do?” 

Trevor pauses, his thumb running in a tiny arc over Philip’s hip bone — he’s not sure if he’s even doing it consciously. “Swap.” He nods to the mattress, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe it is and Philip’s just lagging behind. 

“Oh, ok.” He shrugs, half climbing and half rolling sideways. “You could’ve just said that.” 

“Yeah, I know, I…” He sighs, rubs a hand over his forehead. “I keep getting caught up. Sorry.” 

Trevor getting caught up in him? In Philip? He doesn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he just shrugs again. “I’m that irresistible, huh?” 

The look Trevor shoots him is anything but joking. “You have no idea.” 

Philip opens his mouth, shuts it, shakes his head in awe. Who would have thought? “C’mere,” he tells Trevor softly, and the gravity is lifted as he smiles and practically bounces down beside him, pressing his lips to Philip’s. They’re getting better at this. Not that they were bad, of course, but they fall into the easy rhythm of each other much more quickly now. There’s no fumbling or searching or exploring, it’s familiar and Philip never wants that to end. 

Trevor’s hand is resting on Philip’s chest, warm and firm and now Philip is sure he can feel how hard his heart is beating. He stretches up, chasing Trevor as the other guy pulls away, but he can only do so much. Trevor smiles and gives him another quick kiss, almost chaste, the kind that Philip definitely doesn’t imagine he’d give him when their day to day paths cross in the garage. When he leaves to get food. When he comes back again. 

But that thought is wiped away before Philip’s mind can snag on it, because Trevor is spitting into his palm and wrapping his fingers around Philip’s dick, gentle and slick and warm and Philip curses softly. It’s almost almost perfect. 

“Like this?” Trevor asks, eyes fixed on his face. 

Philip swallows. His voice sounds odd even to his own ears, husky and strangled. “Uh, little harder.” 

Trevor squeezes, and it’s all Philip can do not to fall apart right there as his grip tightens and his hand moves. “This?” 

He feels the breath catch in his throat. “Yeah. Fuck Trev, that’s perfect.” And it is. It really is. There’s only so much his mind can come up with, he thinks as he takes in Trevor’s strong arm and large hand moving rhythmically over him, feels the heat of his body where it presses against his own and listens to Trevor’s breathing and soft hum of appreciation in response to his own moan. No matter what the update lets him see, no matter what he manages to dream up by himself, it won’t compare to this. 

Trevor is leaning closer, and Philip shivers as his breath hushes over the skin of his shoulder, his neck, then practically gasps as Trevor kisses the hollow under his jaw. He makes to turn his head, meet the other guy half way, but Trevor doesn’t let him. He kisses his jaw again, nudging him away and Philip just lets him. He even turns his face, just a little, but Trevor notices and his chuckle sends molten heat shooting straight down his spine. Trevor’s lips are moving, up over the muscle of his neck, tongue darting out to taste his skin. Philip gets it now, and then Trevor is whispering “this ok?” and he’s nodding (how could it not be?). 

“Fuck,” he breathes as Trevor sucks at the spot, and Philip really gets it. It’s not like hickeys are foreign to him, but this is something else altogether. Trevor’s hand is still moving firmly on his cock, maybe a little slower than he himself would go but damn is it good, and now he’s working his way down Philip’s neck to his chest. The tiny burst of almost-pain followed by the soft heat of Trevor’s tongue has Philip arching towards him, hips jutting shamelessly into his hand as he does his best to stop the embarrassingly desperate sounds he’s on the verge of making from escaping him. 

“Philip,” Trevor murmurs to his clavicle. 

“Hm?” Philip answers, lifting his head enough to meet his gaze. He half wishes he didn’t, another blazing hot spark of pure need rushing through him.

Trevor either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. He presses his lips to Philip’s skin yet again, gentle and oddly tender given that he’s still jerking him off, looking at him through his lashes (Philip wonders if he’s doing that deliberately. If he knows what it’s doing to him). “You don’t have to be quiet,” he says softly, and there’s another kiss. Lower this time, on his pectoral.

“I’m— I’m not—” Philip breaks off in a rush of air when he feels Trevor’s teeth graze his skin. 

“Not what?” 

Philip doesn’t even know what he’d been getting at, but it sure isn’t important. “Doesn’t matter,” he breathes. 

“You sure?” 

“Mhm.” Then, as Trevor’s thumb slides over the sensitive head of his cock, “Fucking hell, Trev.” 

“Is that—” 

“Yes. Yes, oh my— Fuck—” 

Trevor’s mouth has found his nipple. Maybe it’s a little weird, but Philip is hardly in any condition to be thinkin about that. Trevor’s tongue is flicking over the ring cautiously, gently, and it feels really good. Better than it has any right to.

“Ok?” Trevor asks, kissing the sensitive spot. 

“Yeah.” Philip swallows, bites down on a moan and then remembers Trevor’s words. You don’t have to be quiet. 

This time, when Trevor’s hand tightens and moves over his aching cock, he groans, and feels Trevor’s body shudder against his. Philip brings his hand up to run across Trevor’s strong shoulders, down over his spine and back up again. He hums, and his hand speeds up every so slightly. 

“Oh fuck,” Philip moans, “fuck, Trev, keep doing that.” 

“Yeah, don’t worry.” Trevor’s voice is low and rough, his chuckle little more than a breath of air. “I’m not… I’m not stopping.” The engineer raises his head, his teeth digging into his bottom lip as he studies Philip’s face like he’s trying to memorise it. Philip is torn between holding his gaze and looking away, heat coiling low inside him, and again he jerks in Trevor’s hand. Trevor laughs again, moving hard and fast and if he keeps that up Philip isn’t sure he’ll last another minute. 

“Trev,” he gasps, gripping his shoulder hard enough that he almost feels bad. “Fuck, fuck.” Yeah. Philip’s really articulate when he chooses to be. He wants Trevor inside him, wants to be inside Trevor. He doesn’t care where, exactly, he just knows that he needs to be closer, deeper, needs to feel their bodies blur into one, but right now he isn’t spending particularly long dissecting that thought. He’s got time. 

“‘Salright,” Trevor murmurs, as if he knows exactly what Philip’s thinking. “I got you, man.” 

Philip feels himself tremble and tip, bliss rolling up through his spine. He might be saying Trevor’s name, might be cursing, or the sounds might be just that; wordless and primal and torn from deep within him. Trevor works him through the high, and as the electricity coursing through Philip cools to static, his hand slows and finally withdraws to rest on his stomach. They don’t speak for a moment, their breathing and the ticking of the clock the only sounds in the room. Philip doesn’t look down, he knows his stomach is a mess, and chooses instead to turn towards Trevor. 

The engineer grins, then drops his eyes pointedly to Philip’s stomach. He feels his cheeks heat, but before he can say or do anything Trevor is bending and sliding down the mattress and Philip thinks he knows what he’s about to do but he doesn’t know what he thinks about what Trevor is about to do. Then his tongue is flicking over Philip’s abdomen and his skin is twitching, a small sound that’s half shock and half pleasure catching in his throat. Problem solved, he supposes. 

“Alright?” Trevor asks as he withdraws. 

Philip just nods, pushing himself to sit up. Trevor smiles and leans closer, his lips soft and gentle against Philip’s. This kiss is almost chaste, reassurance and a kind of confirmation (of what, Philip isn’t sure) all at once. He’s only too happy to reciprocate, his body pleasantly warm and heavy and buzzing with Trevor, Trevor, Trevor, whose chest is pressing against his own. 

Philip pulls him closer, hands sliding over the smooth muscle of his arms and shoulders, cupping the back of his neck as he slips his tongue into Trevor’s mouth. He can taste himself on the other guy’s tongue, a thought that has his brain spinning excitedly out of control and his stomach launching into an olympic level acrobatics routine. Does Trevor like the warm saltiness still clinging to his tongue? Is that what Trevor would taste like? God, Philip wants to find that out. 

Gently, he shifts and nudges at Trevor’s shoulder until he gets the message (faster than Philip had earlier) and lets him push him onto the mattress. His legs fall apart easily when Philip pushes his own between them, and when he moves and his thigh comes into contact with Trevor’s crotch he practically arches off the bed. Philip stifles a laugh. 

“Something funny?” Trevor asks, eyebrow raised when he ceases his assault on his mouth to look at him. But he’s smiling. Flushed, eyes dark and shining, lips swollen and pink and still parted as he breathes hard, but smiling. Philip can feel his brain going into overdrive to store that image perfectly. 

“No,” Philip shrugs, letting his eyes trail lower over Trevor’s torso (the guy has actual abs, which Philip is going to be thinking about for a long time). 

“No? What’s that look for?” 

He debates it for a moment, then, “I’m memorising.” 

Trevor frowns. “Memorising what?” 

Philip presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, “You.” He pushes his leg firmly in between Trevor’s, basking in the breathy little moan it draws from him, “That.” 

“Fuck, Philip,” he whispers as Philip moves his hand down his side to his hip, across the faint V under his belly button to skirt the waistband of his pants (why the fuck is he still wearing pants?). Philip isn’t even sure if he means to do it, but Trevor’s grinding against his leg and looking up at him like he’s the only thing he’s ever wanted. He thinks he might just cum again, right here right now. 

“Can I?” he asks, already dipping his fingers below the line of fabric. 

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Trevor seems almost surprised by the suggestion, as if it’s the last thing he expected. 

Philip pauses, frowns. “You sure?” 

This time, Trevor’s voice is firmer. “I’m sure, Philip.” 

Philip nods, breath hitching in his throat. Trevor’s eyes are fixed on his hands, but he can’t look away from the engineer’s face. He gets Trevor’s pants undone, pulls them down, finally tears his gaze from Trevor’s flushed cheeks and wide eyes and parted lips and— 

“Jesus, Trev.” There’s a sizeable wet spot on Trevor’s underpants, the outline of his cock clear and hard and fuck, the dude is big. Philip’s mouth waters.

Trevor doesn’t seem to know what to say to that (which is doing things for Philip that he doesn’t want to even begin to address), but it doesn’t matter. Philip eases his underwear off, and, softly and with plenty of opportunity for Trevor to stop him, wraps his fingers around his length. 

“This ok?” he asks, watching Trevor’s face carefully. 

“Yeah—” Trevor’s voice cracks, and he tries again. “Yeah, that’s… that’s good.” 

“This?” Philip moves his hand, ignoring the little thrill that goes through him as his fingers come into contact with the moisture already gathered on Trevor’s tip. 

“Yeah.” 

“How about this?” Philip squeezes, watching Trevor’s teeth sink into his bottom lip and his head fall back as he whispers something that sounds like a “yes”, and holy shit has he got a jawline. He’d almost be jealous if he wasn’t so caught up admiring Trevor like this. If he wasn’t so far gone on him. If he wasn’t busy sliding down Trevor’s body, his face now level with his hand. 

“This?” 

“F—fuck,” Trevor gasps as Philip licks the tip of his dick, head whipping up to stare at him. 

He pauses, waiting. “Ok?” 

“Yeah, yeah that’s… that’s fine.” Trevor’s throat moves as he swallows. “You don’t have to, though.” 

“I want to,” he shrugs. “Do you want me to?” 

Trevor nods fast enough that in any other situation it would be comical, and Philip can’t help but smile. He bends, places a soft kiss at the junction of Trevor’s hip, then licks him again. 

Trevor moans, his hand drifting up to wind through Philip’s hair. 

Philip just smiles and flicks his tongue over the sensitive slit. 

“Stop teasing,” Trevor whispers. 

“I’m not.” 

“You are,” he protests. “It’s not fair.” 

“Fine,” Philip shrugs, and before Trevor can say anything else he’s opening his mouth, relaxing his tongue and taking Trevor as deep as he can. 

“Oh fuck,” he says, his fingers tightening momentarily in Philip’s hair. “Oh, you— Jesus.” 

The room could collapse right now and Philip wouldn’t notice. His senses are narrowed and focussed to the hot weight of Trevor’s cock in his mouth, the smell of his sweat and skin and his own spit (not pleasant, not exactly, but addictive nonetheless), his half stifled moan and the faint saltiness of precum. His hand works what doesn’t fit in his mouth, slow and firm and sliding easily with his makeshift spit-lube. His tongue swirls around Trevor’s cock, mapping every curve and ridge and vein. 

Philip raises his eyes as he hollows his cheeks and sucks, relishing the almost-whine that slips from Trevor. Again, he sees the engineer as he had been on the couch — chest heaving, gleaming with a light sheen of sweat, head tipped back and eyes closed. But this is better, because this Trevor — his Trevor — is already looking down at him, biting his lip, the unfairly defined muscles of his stomach tense and moving in time with his rapid breathing. A groan reverberates through his chest, and it’s all Philip can do not to smile. 

“Wish you could see yourself,” Trevor whispers, the hand that isn’t tangled in Philip’s hair twisting the sheets. 

In lieu of speech, he raises an eyebrow. 

“You’re a fucking wet dream, Philip,” he pants, and that is not what he expected to hear. It catches him off guard enough that he falters, his own surprised half moan making Trevor’s hips stutter up against his hand. His mouth. 

“Shit, sorry,” he says quickly, but Philip is shaking his head. Don’t worry. It’s ok. He gives what he thinks is a reassuring suck, his free hand settling on Trevor’s hip — as if he’d be able to do anything if he decided to face fuck him. As if he’d want to. 

Trevor curses again, softly, his eyes not leaving Philip’s face. He’s trying to be gentle, Philip can tell, and he feels something inside him melt because of course he would. Even as he whispers “fuck” like that and moans like that he’s still trying not to hurt him — as if he ever could. Philip doesn’t even know if he’d really care at this point. 

“Hm?” He doesn’t stop, moisture pricking behind his eyes as he relaxes his throat even further and practically swallows Trevor’s dick. His hand is sliding so easily now, slick and a bit messy and maybe it should be gross but nothing is gross with Trevor, who was licking Philip’s cum off his stomach just before and has seen him at his worst and has clasped his shoulder and pushed him through. He moves faster, a little harder, and Trevor’s hips buck up again. Before he can apologise, Philip’s thumb moves in a tiny arc over his hip. He hopes Trevor understands. 

“Fuck, fuck, yes,” he gasps. “Please, Philip, I—” 

He can’t stop himself from moaning, an embarrassingly desperate sound. He could listen to Trevor forever, feel him like this forever, replay the movement of his body and the rough crack of his voice and the delicious tension of his fingers still gripping his hair until the Earth stops spinning. He wants to, future be damned. It’s a feedback loop, Trevor’s body jolting towards him as he tips his head back, Philip’s own need surging hot inside him, and he’s gripping Trevor tighter and taking him deeper, revelling in Trevor’s moans and gasps. 

“Hold on,” he says suddenly, and Philip freezes.

“You alright?” he asks, withdrawing with a wet “pop,” his hand still resting on Trevor’s hip. 

He nods quickly, his hand slipping from Philip’s hair to rest against his jaw. “Yeah, I’m fine. Better than fine.” 

“Ok,” he frowns, “then what’s…?” 

“Do you…” He pauses, thinks, swallows. Tries again. “Do you want to go… further?” 

Philip feels his heartbeat quicken, mind racing with the possibilities. He’s never taken that particular step, but if he wants to with anyone, it’s Trevor. And hell yes he wants to, wants to go as far as is humanly possible and never come back. He’s seen so many variations of further now, he can’t pick what this could possibly be, and not knowing is oddly thrilling. 

“We don’t have to,” Trevor is adding hastily, his hand sliding down to clasp Philip’s shoulder. “It’s ok if you don’t—” 

“I do,” Philip interrupts. “I really, really do, Trev.” 

Trevor nods, shuffles backwards before pushing himself to his knees. Philip follows suit, steadying himself against Trevor’s shoulder. His hair is falling into his face now that Trevor’s not holding it back, and he half wishes he had an elastic band with him. Even if Trevor seems to like putting his hands in it. 

“It’s hot when you do that,” the engineer says as Philip pushes his hair out of his face. 

He arches an eyebrow. “I think you’re biassed.” 

“Maybe a little,” he shrugs, “but I’m not wrong.” 

Philip really needs to learn how to respond to this kind of thing, because at some point simply kissing Trevor isn’t going to be sufficient. But it’s working for now, so he’s got time. Trevor hums softly when he pushes closer, his skin hot in all the places it’s touching Philip’s. Philip cups Trevor’s neck gently but firmly, his tongue sliding easily between Trevor’s parted lips and he wonders if Trevor can still taste himself in Philip’s mouth the way Philip can. He shifts, electric heat surging through him when he feels Trevor’s hardness press against his hip, blood rushing downwards in sympathy. 

Trevor moans, grinding lightly against Philip, the kisses rapidly descending into something too messy to be called a kiss at all by any stringent definition. It’s more like Philip licking into Trevor’s mouth, Trevor licking into his, a whirl of tongues and teeth and lips that somehow has Philip moaning too, striving to get closer to Trevor in any way he can. He knows exactly what he wants now, and, as if Trevor is reading his mind, his hand is sliding down his side and around his hip to rest on his ass. 

“Is—?” 

“Mhm.” Philip gasps as Trevor squeezes, just gently, but God he wants his hands everywhere. If Trevor touches every inch of his skin, he thinks, it still won’t be enough. But damn, this is a good start. 

“Turn around,” Trevor murmurs against his lips, drawing back enough to make eye contact with Philip. 

He doesn’t waste time, as much as it pains him to break away, but when Trevor’s voice is that low, that husky, that raw with want, it’s worth it. Trevor’s hand doesn’t leave his hip, half guiding him as he faces the headboard. 

“Holy shit,” Trevor says, and Philip glances over his shoulder to see the other guy’s eyes locked on the tattoo sprawling across his shoulder blades. “I didn’t know there was more.” 

“Uh, yeah,” he laughs. “Neither did I at first.” He shivers as Trevor runs his hand across the inked skin, tracing the points and whorls of the design. He’d actually forgotten about it, as he does most of the time (until he has to do a double take when he catches sight of it in the mirror), but something about the awe and fascination tingeing Trevor’s expression makes him think that that’s not going to be a problem in the future. 

“Fucking hot,” he proclaims, bending to kiss right between Philip’s shoulder blades. He does it again at Philip’s sigh, then again, then lower. He traces the line of his spine with kisses, fingers curling over his hip, and Philip’s not sure who it is who moves close enough that Trevor’s erection presses against him. Either way, it doesn’t matter because Philip is definitely the one who pushes further back against him, and Trevor is the one who pulls him to do it again. 

“Fuck,” he breathes, because now that he’s feeling the hot hardness and the size of him against his ass, Philip isn’t sure if the spit still coating Trevor’s dick — copious though it may be — will actually be enough. 

“You alright?” Trevor asks. 

“Yeah.” 

“Philip.” Trevor rubs his shoulder, gentle but insistent. “Why’re you so tense?” 

Philip sighs, rolls his shoulders, forces them to relax. This is Trevor, who is not going to hurt him, and who he trusts with his life. More than his life. “I’m fine,” he says, “I just… haven’t done this bit before. And you’re kinda big.” 

Trevor chuckles at that, shuffling around so he can see Philip’s face. “That’s ok,” he assures him. “We don’t have to—” 

“I want to.” 

“Then I’ll go slow.” 

That… is actually really reassuring. The tension leaks from Philip, and he offers Trevor a smile. “Ok. Thanks.” 

“You’ll tell me if you wanna stop, yeah?” 

Philip just nods, then Trevor is moving again and he has to twist over his shoulder to catch his smile. He leans into Trevor’s touch as the engineer’s hand skims his arm, his shoulder, his back, up his side and down again to his ass. They move together, slowly and carefully, and Philip feels the last vestiges of his nervousness slide away. 

“Can I?” Trevor asks, fingers slipping lower. His voice is soft, but Philip doesn’t miss the way his breath catches when he nods. Trevor’s fingers are wet with spit, and when he pushes one inside Philip there's only a little resistance. “Ok?” 

Philip nods. It’s an odd sensation, and he isn’t entirely sure if he likes it yet, but he trusts Trevor. He makes himself relax, focusses on Trevor’s free hand where it rests on his hip because he knows he likes that, and lets him move. He doesn’t mind it, he decides, especially when Trevor bends and kisses his shoulder. There’s a bit of pressure, a slight burn and stretch, and now there are two fingers inside him. 

“Ok?” Trevor asks again, and again Philip nods. He’s starting to think that he might like this, and Trevor’s still going slow but now his fingers are curled and yeah, Philip likes this. 

“Yeah,” he says. “That’s good.” 

“You sure?” Trevor whispers against his skin, and this time when he pushes into Philip it really is good.

“Mhm,” he breathes, teeth digging into his bottom lip. Almost involuntarily he rocks his hips back onto Trevor’s hand, and feels the other guy smile. 

“Alright.” He continues for a moment, and Philip’s more than happy with that, but then when his fingers withdraw they go all the way and Philip actually misses the feeling. Misses Trevor inside him, even if it’s just his fingers. He hears Trevor spit, another sound he’s all too familiar with, then something bigger than a finger is poking him and his heart skips a beat. 

“Ready?” Trevor asks. 

Philip swallows and nods for what feels like the millionth time today. “Yeah.” 

Trevor pauses. “Ok, bend over a bit? And maybe…” He pauses, then, “Do you wanna, uh, hold onto something?” 

That’s probably not intended to turn Philip on this much, but it does. He does as Trevor says and leans forward, bracing his hands on the wall, spreading his legs when he feels the pressure of Trevor’s hand between his thighs. “Like this?” he asks. 

Trevor’s voice is husky when he answers. “Yeah, perfect.” Then he’s pushing gently into Philip, who presses his lips together because Trevor feels bigger than he looks. It’s not really painful, and he’s going slow, and the spit lube helps, but it’s still more than his fingers and Philip can’t help the way his breath catches in his throat. 

“I’m alright,” he assures Trevor before he can ask. 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, just… gimme a second.” 

“Tell me when.” 

Half of Philip wants to turn around and kiss Trevor for that, the other half wants to shove himself backwards and just take it from there. But he’s got enough of his brain left in his head to know that that would be a terrible idea, so he breathes deeply and waits until the faint burn fades and all that’s left is the pleasant stretch and fullness. “Ok,” he says after a moment, “you can, uh, keep going.” 

He half expects Trevor to do just that and push deeper, but instead he feels him pull out. He spits again, and this time the slide is easier, softer, further. Trevor curses softly, does it again, and now they have a rhythm. It’s slow and measured, careful, and Philip finds that it’s easy to relax into the movement of their bodies, to let Trevor rock into him and just brace against the wall — which is not even bracing anymore, more like stabilising. 

“Fuck, you feel good,” Trevor murmurs, the words sending Philip’s mind spinning. 

“So do you,” he replies and revels in the tightening of Trevor’s hand on his hip. This time, when Trevor thrusts into him, he does push back and meets him halfway, something between a gasp and groan falling from his lips. 

“Alright?” Trevor slows just a little, concern clear in his voice. 

Philip thinks he might melt on the spot, but instead he smiles. “I’m fine, Trev. you don’t have to be so… careful.” 

“You sure? Cause I don’t mind. I said I'd go slow.” 

“Well…” Philip pauses, glances over his shoulder. “Can you go a bit harder?”

“Yeah,” Trevor answers, and maybe it’s Philip’s imagination but he sounds a bit breathless. “Sure. Tell me what feels good.” 

Then he’s moving again, pushing deeper than before, and Philip is telling him that that feels good and Trevor is doing it again. It’s not much faster, but it’s somehow more, and Trevor’s gripping his hip damn hard now. Philip hopes he’ll have bruises. 

“Fuck, Trev,” he moans, arching into it, dimly aware of the bedframe squeaking faintly. “Fuck, that’s— that’s fucking great.” 

“Yeah? Not too — ah — fast?” 

“No,” Philip assures him. Then, “Faster?” 

“Shit, ok.” Trevor speeds up, and now he’s hitting something deep inside Philip that has him stumbling over Trevor’s name and pulsing with need. Before he can do anything about that Trevor’s strong arm is sliding around his torso, pulling him back against his chest and his hand is wrapping around Philip’s dick for the second time today as he continues to rearrange his guts. Philip knows he isn’t going to last long. 

“Fucking hell, Trev,” he gasps, because that’s really all he can do. He’s surrounded by Trevor, the engineer’s mouth warm and wet on the skin of his shoulder, his hand firm — just how Philip likes it — around his cock, Trevor’s own cock stroking what feels like every inch of his insides, his warm chest damp with sweat and pressed to Philip’s back. If he died right now he’d go out with a smile on his face, because he’s pretty sure it doesn’t get better than this. 

“Oh God,” Trevor groans. “You feel like fucking Heaven, you know that? You’re Heaven.” 

Philip didn’t know that, but he probably could have guessed from the desperation of Trevor’s combined fist and hips. He feels the words against his shoulder, feels Trevor’s warm breath stirring his hair and it must be all that damned football because he hasn’t faltered once. Philip can’t wait to make him. “You’re talking,” he manages, but any impact it might have had is lost in the unsteadiness of his voice. Maybe he’s still sensitive from his earlier orgasm, maybe it’s just that this is so much more intense, but he can already feel the tight coil of pleasure building low inside him. 

“Yeah, I’m — fuck, Philip — I’m talking.” He gives a particularly hard thrust, and it’s all Philip can do not to collapse right then and there. Trevor is going to be the death of him, and he’s going to say thank you when it happens. 

“Don’t stop,” he pleads — fucking pleads. “Shit, Trev, don’t stop.” 

“‘M not,” Trevor pants. “Don’t worry, I’m not fucking stopping.” And he isn’t. If anything, he’s going harder. “I’m— shit, fuck, fuck, Philip I’m gonna— Philip, where do I—?” 

Oh, is all Philip can think. “In me,” he blurts, because protocol 4 isn’t going to be a problem and this is the 21st century. 

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure. Fuck, Trevor I’m so— I’m gonna—” 

Trevor is groaning deeply, spilling hot and thick inside Philip and with that, white hot bliss explodes through his body. He’s dimly aware of Trevor’s chest heaving against his back, his own name being chanted like a prayer, an incantation, and Philip’s never loved the sound of it more than he does right now. Right now it really is his name, and he knows he’s never coming back from this, and that he doesn’t want to. He thinks he says Trevor’s, too, over and over and punctuated with curses, but how is he supposed to do anything else when it feels like this? 

Trevor’s movements slow eventually until they stop altogether, the only sound in the room their ragged breathing and the rustle of the sheets and Trevor pulls out and flops onto the mattress. Philip mourns the loss of the feeling of fullness for a moment as he adjusts to the sudden emptiness, forcing his arms to unlock and relax, his legs to shift — he hadn’t realised they were shaking, but now that he has he can’t stop it — and collapses next to Trevor. 

“God, Philip,” he whispers to the ceiling, then raises his head and smiles. 

“You alright?” Philip asks. Idly, he traces a circle over Trevor’s heart. 

“I am so alright,” he sighs, breathes a laugh, turns to lie on his stomach and looks at Philip over the muscle of his arm. “You?” 

Philip smiles too, his whole body heavy and satisfied. “So alright,” he echoes softly, and if he wasn’t so completely boneless he’d lean over, press his lips to Trevor’s, soft and careful. Instead, he stretches out alongside Trevor. He can feel his cum leaking out of him, and the rational part of his brain says that’s gross and he should clean it up — along with the mess on his stomach. The irrational part of his brain that had his heart speeding up when he watched Trevor lick him clean earlier says it’s hot. Either way, Philip is not getting out of this bed any time soon. 

“What?” 

He blinks, jerks out of his thoughts. Trevor is frowning, still turned towards him and close enough that when Philip extends his pinkie finger it meets warm skin. “Nothing,” he says. Then, because he’s not brave enough to say what he really means, “Do you wanna stay?” 

The wrinkle disappears from between Trevor’s brows and he pretends to think. “Do I wanna get up, get dressed, walk up the loft stairs and try to go to sleep by myself while I know you’re down here?” He scoffs like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and maybe to him it is. But he still asks, “Do you want me to?” 

“I just want you,” Philip breathes. It doesn’t quite sound right and he’s not even sure if it’s really what he wants to say, but it’s close enough.

“You just had me.” 

“No,” he sighs, “I mean this. I want this.”

“Oh.” Trevor’s face softens. “Right. Well, you’ve got it, Philip.” Slowly, he wriggles his hand close enough to lace his fingers with Philip’s and pulls their hands towards himself, lips brushing his knuckles. Philip thinks his heart is going to burst, and since when is he such a sap? Must be something about Trevor that makes his brain fly out the window. 

He slips his hand from Trevor’s to run it down the curve of his spine like he’d wished he could this morning, mapping every vertebrae as if the world is depending on it. And maybe his is. He watches the smooth motion of muscle and bone and ligaments and skin as Trevor shifts infinitesimally closer, mesmerised by the simultaneous complexity and simplicity of the movement. The dying light cascades over Trevor’s back and neck, glancing off his hair, pooling on his cheek, catching on his eyelashes as he blinks and suddenly he understands artists. 

Philip has always appreciated art in a practical sense (if there is one), as a historian, admired the richness and depth of the maker’s mark on the world, their cry to be seen and remembered. But in that moment Philip understands the need to capture and render, share, immortalise. For the first time, he doesn’t know if his memory is enough to hold Trevor as he is now, smiling softly and extending his arm, his own hand sliding over Philip's torso. He blinks and the feeling fades enough that he can move to accommodate the engineer as he shuffles across the space between them and drapes his body over Philip’s, lips pressing oh so gently to his pulse point before he lays his head over his heart. Philip knows he’ll never be able to capture this, and for a moment he wonders if how much is lost is equal to how much is preserved. If it’s greater. If it’s less. He swallows, turns and kisses Trevor’s temple, decides it doesn’t matter. He has this now, and he is determined to take it for all that it’s worth. 

“Memorising?” 

“What?” 

Trevor shrugs, shifting closer still. “Are you memorising me again?” 

Philip can’t begin to explain, but Trevor’s on the right track so just smiles and says, “yeah,” sliding his arm around his shoulders and holding him close. 

“Me too.” The engineer's body jerks with a soft chuckle, but he presses against Philip anyway, his breathing deep and even and his arm heavy across Philip’s chest. Then, “Can’t believe you’ve just been walking around with this.”

Philip cranes his neck, looking down at where Trevor is staring at his chest. Or rather, his piercing. He almost laughs because of course that’s what Trevor’s stuck on. 

��Doing missions with a ring through your nipple,” he goes on. “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

“That’d be a weird conversation,” he snorts. “‘Hey Trev, wanna see this random bit of metal through my fucking nipple?’” Because Philip is aware that it’s weird, and that’s part of the reason he hadn’t exactly shown it off. Not that he would have had any excuse to, or wanted to, but still. 

Trevor tsks. “Yeah, but… I don’t know. Does it hurt?” 

“Uh… no?” He thinks for a minute, frowns. “Sometimes, a little. Sometimes I forget it’s there and it gets stuck on stuff.” 

“Jesus. 21st century, man, I’m telling you.” 

“Yeah. I know.”

There’s a beat of silence, then Trevor’s lips are pressing against his chest and he’s whispering, “I still think it’s hot as fuck,” and Philip, despite himself, is smiling. Whatever he sees in other timelines, and whatever else happens, he’s glad he exists here and now. He’s glad he woke up, and he’s glad he’ll wake up tomorrow — and this time it won’t be to an illusion.

Note: guys I'll be real for a sec I have no idea if this is any good. It feels ok right up until butt stuff gets involved so maybe this is a sign that gay porn specifically isn't my calling and I should just stick to YN shit (which is so sad cause I wanna write destiel smut and I wanna write more about these two silly little dudes). I wrote this originally where Philip just sucked Trevor off and they called it a day but it just genuinely did not feel right and it would not leave me alone and it just kept playing out in my head (something) like this so I wrote it and I'm not feeling the itch anymore but what I am feeling is really unsure. Any feedback at all would be so so appreciated (I feel like that ant with the bindle)

#fanfiction #fanfic #travelers netflix #philip pearson #travelers #trevor holden #philip x trevor #trevor x philip #smut #gay stuff

[pocket-poly]

New relationship energy refers to a state of mind experienced at the beginning of relationships, typically involving heightened emotional and sexual feelings and excitement.

NRE is like a drug. AND NOT A POLYAM EXCLUSIVE THING... No joke. It comes in and gives you positive hopeful rose-colored glasses of lust, energy, and mushyness... goodness know I have had my fair share of toxic highs that sent me on worldwinds of adventures but looking back I'd like to punch myself for some choices I made.

Sometimes, I realize when it's passing from NRE to an ORE (old relationship energy) comfort zone... and it freaks me out... I wonder if it's NRE settling down and the powerful drug is losing the *high* it brings with it or am I losing the connection with someone? Or as i have called it before "The shiny wears off".

It's scary most of the time. The fight or fight and fear of hurt and heartache often gets me overthinking. This time it wasn't scary, because I can't yet say I have felt a shift... it just felt comfortable. Since the start. Like a safe landing. Almost as if all my chaos and madness were some sort of obstacle courses to complete, and he was waiting for me at the finish line.

It's been, "officially"

12 month... 52weeks... 365 days... 8760 hours...

ONE YEAR

And HE has made the biggest impact in my life in that time.

I have been loved in ways I have thought only existed in fairy tales and movies. I have been held, kissed, and touched in ways that have taught me to believe and see my own beauty. How my value, my existence & my worthy aren't tied to my abilities to do or give but simply existing is beautiful.

This "whole ass man" as my therapist calls him has spent the last year pouring his love into every Crack, scar, and emotional wound he can find. Simply holding space for ME to do the work, for ME to heal, for ME to grow. And yet he tells me with tears in his eyes, how much "I" have changed "his" life.

I wish I had more vocabulary, to explain the depths of what this last year with him has meant to me & given to me. But I lack the words and language to capture it.

I've experienced so many types of relationships, of different dynamics, and love in many forms. But this... love...energy... connection... has changed my expectations of what I'm willing to accept and has shown me I AM WORTH those expectations.

He came into my life when I was experiencing a drastic shift in my life. My own life was experiencing an Autumn with Upheaval in my blood family & cutting ties there, Upheaval & remodeling my home & home life, ending of relationship a long-term relationship with someone I still loved but I needed to let go of, and another fly by pass with a comet relationship. He... just showed up, and patiently stood here and began listening, cheering and reminding me. "You are amazing"

I have never once in the past year questioned his love, his motive, his feelings, or my place in his life. I had no idea how secure attachment felt before him and how to feel safe in love. Loavingmpeople always meant sacrifice hurt and forgiving.. this is so different, I'm thankful every day I get to experience feeling loved and valued and cared for in the many ways he has done so and chooses to continue to.

We have matching penny Keychains. They have a heart around 2022 on the front and 10/17 stamped on the back. I got them for us on Valentine's Day. I aim for small and highly emotional valued things, simply because I have a large amount of respect for metamores and don't like flashy things.

For our 1 year, I got this washer to go with the penny. It's the long/lat of where we met. And the back of the washer says, "started here" It is simple, and small but so meaningful.

I made a huge leap a year ago... I had no idea it would be one of the best and most impactful choices of my entire life. But it's probably one of the best things to have ever happened to me.

#redgrasshopper #polyamory #polyamorous #polyamourous #dating #boyfriend #polyam #poly life #married dating #healthy after trauma #lover #secure attachment #love language #in love #nre #anniversary #gifts #trinkets #one year #processing emotions #emotional intelligence #emotional intimacy

[actor-mark]

AVWM - Feed the Ducks

You gesture towards the pond and Mark grins excitedly "Ah yes of course! What's more Romantic than natures beauty!" He begins leading you along, walking backwards while he talks, narrowly missing bumping into people along the way. There's a person with balloons handing one to a child who accidentally lets go, Mark manages to catch it and bring it back down handed to the kid with a smile. Then there's a baby carriage rolling away towards a hill and he catches it, setting it back with the mother. As you both pass under a tree a baby bird falls from a branch and he catches it, sets it back in the nest and you both carry on your way... all while he talks. You'd be swooning at how much of a hero he is... if it wasn't obvious how staged it was- But you know he's just trying to impress you. It's endearing in his weird little way.

"I also got us some peas! I'd bring bread but it's incredibly bad for ducks! And I met this white duck once that tried to peck me to death when I was bringing frozen peas in from grocery shopping so I always bring peas to feed the ducks now! Did you know ducks mate for life? Some birds even offer their mates a shiny rock! Ahahaha- imagine that! One day your mate shows up with a shiny rock and then you're bonded for life! How romantic!" He's waffling but hey, at least he's entertaining with all of this. You're used to his shenanigans by now.

As you both settle by the ducks, he pulls a bag of partially defrosted peas from his inner suit pocket, some of them spilling everywhere with the bag split. You both enjoy some time tossing peas at the ducks, one of yours lands on a mallard's back and it gets stuck in an attempt trying to reach it- oops.

You both watch as several of the ducks start fighting over a large wad of still slightly frozen stuck together peas that Mark tossed in, feathers everywhere- "Ah... uh... " He tries breaking the fight up by tossing the rest of the peas at the ducks... it just makes it worse and now there's an outright Pea war-...... You both back up as several more ducks fly in to join in on the Pea carnage- "Uhmm... we should-... " He gestures with a thumb and you both quickly scurry away from the battle zone. You can practically hear the gunfire and air drop as another swoops in and explodes-

He sniffs, straightens himself up and smiles. That could have..gone better but hey! "Ah- Lets just..forget that happened- ahaha- How about a walk?" You nod and agree, wandering along side him. "I'm so glad we got to meet up again.. and on Valentines day of all days! I've so many things planned for us~ I know our last date didn't go so well, but I promise this one to be full of romance and unforgettable memories~"

As you both wander along, the gazebo nearby has a band playing, the smooth jazz is nice and it looks like folks are dancing there. "Ah smoooth jazz~ Fancy a dance?" He wiggles his shoulders invitingly, gesturing with his head. huh huh ? you wanna? Your eyes draw to something else across the water, looks like there's a valentines faire going on over there. Lots of colors, lights, music.

"Hm? Oh! Looks like the pop up faire is in town! You wanna go over there instead? Or we could go dancing? What would you like?"

> Dancing > Faire

"How about it? Lil dancing? hm? Or we could ride the swan boat? Get a pretzel? Looks like they're serving popcorn at the stage though~"

((Send an ask with your choice! The majority vote will be taken!))

#ask actor mark #avwm #a valentines with markiplier #actor mark #adwm

[talesfromsiteredacted]

SCP(L): Super Crappy Pickup Lines

Ignoring the very anomalous charges under our care, the Foundation is a lot like any other office. There's the office brown-noses, the snitches, the useless, the know-too-much types, the overachievers... and the flirts. Some of us have game, some of us couldn't find games in a toy shop. Here's some of the worst. Triggers: adult content, bad puns.

"That an anomalous sword in you hand 076-2 or are you just happy to see me?" Only Agent Dimitriov can try this and live. Anyone else is just going to become a red smudge on that sword.

"Good thing I'm certified in handling incendiary weapons, as you're smoking babe."

"Hey, sexy mama. Wanna see a naked Mole Rat?"

"Are you a memetic cognitohazard? Cause you keep running through my mind all night."

"Hey, are you a pneumohazard anomaly? I ask, because you take my breath away in that dress."

"You had me at 'cheesecake'."

"I don't know just what it is about you, 173... but I just can't take my eyes off you in that blue dress." That... was weird. Usually CLEF flirts with the Staring Statue, hearing a D-Class say that stuff was scary.

"Better get the MTF up here, that ass so fine shorty bends reality."

"I would bring you the skulls of every enemy of yours if it makes you smile, my (untranslatable)." Huh. Kinda romantic for Big Brother.

"The stars in the night are insignificant compared to those residing in your eyes, my dove." Okay... not going to lie... that was smooth as silk. No doubt about it Iris... Viktor is a keeper.

"The only thing blacker than your coffee preference is your soul. We should have dinner soon."

"I'd breach containment for you. I'd face the Hard to Destroy Reptile for you. I'd even remove a water bottle from your junk, again. I'd do anything for your love... except face the Ethics Committee again. I'm sorry, but you need to buy your own booze tonight, Ben. Bad enough they threatened me with the Red Right Hand after the last incident."

"Dyo, you may be a 'bad guy', but it doesn't make you a bad person. Thanks for telling Lenny the Letch to eat a bag of zombie dicks. Wanna grab coffee?"

"I've got the worst headache in history, 049... and I think a hug from you might be the best cure."

"Hey, can my eel slither in your pond?" That earned a slap from the Water Nymph. I'd have slapped him too.

"My anomalous ability? I made you come with just two fingers."

"I gave up a kidney for you. If that's not love, Charles, tell me what is."

An ANTI-pickup line: "Are you with the Church of the Broken God? Because you're really starting to grind my gears."

"Why yes, 999... that IS a mammoth ice cream sundae with your name on it, and everyone is ALWAYS happy to see you. Wanna play Among Us and chill?"

"Are you a Bixby? Because you're so fine it challenges my notion of reality."

"Of course she's Thaumiel, she's so fine even the Shy Guy stares as she passes by. So what? I'd still suit up to tap that heavenly fineness."

"You look cold, Dr. Iceberg. Maybe a hug would warm you up."

"Doctor, if I said you Light up my life would you be mad at me?"

"I'd gladly be your dinner if I get dessert first, Kuhmiho." Okay, D-2984 must not have been around pretty girls much.

"That a new dress, Dr. Myriad? It looks great on you, but it'd look better on my chair."

"I've got a couple bottles of your favorite wine, a few antimemetics... what say you and I get out of here and not make memories?"

"Oh, sweetie... 343 did his finest work when he made you."

"106... that a Marshall, Carter, & Dark thug? Aw, thank you, sweetheart! I got you one too. Happy Valentine's Day, Larry!"

"Hello, 049. Wanna play Doctor?"

"You're like an annoying TikTok music video, I close my eyes and I hear your voice. You, uh... doing anything tonight?"

#scp foundation #tales from site redacted #we got some real freaks here #looking at you agent o'hare #dr gears #scp 076 2 #scp 105 #scp 049

[the-ukrainian-giraffe]

My ex-wife was not demonstrative in her affection even remotely. She grew up with brothers and a very southern dad and had a very coach-like way about her (I suppose coaching girls' basketball will do that) in that I, essentially, got told "good game" when I did things that she liked. Sometimes even a pat on the ass. One time, on a particularly exuberant Valentine's day, I literally got told "good game" and it might have been the weirdest response to giving someone an orgasm that I've ever gotten. It was funny though, and while I don't really ever think about what sex was like with my ex-wife was like, that moment pops into my head occasionally as an example of how we did manage to make some good memories together.

I saw her this evening at the grocery store, with her newborn daughter and tried my best to steer my wife away before she saw but no such luck. I told her if we didn't stop to chat, my ex would understand. But my wife will not be ugly to someone who doesn't deserve it and is unlikely to be rude even if they do. So she waved first...

If I didn't know for absolute certain this was not my child I would think she could be. She reminds me of my sisters when they were babies. I was asked twice if I wanted to hold her and made a feeble excuse both times and then she was passed to my wife. No hesitation from either side. My wife gladly accepts this baby being laid in her arms with so much joy in her face, like she does every time she's offered a baby, and I wonder if I'm making a mistake keeping her and my ex apart.

When my ex first found out she was pregnant she asked me if I'd be her child's godfather...a tradition I don't really get but felt really very strange about accepting considering the circumstances. I told her I'd think about it and then didn't and when she asked again it was right after the miscarriage and I avoided her completely. We even started shopping and getting gas in places I knew my ex never went to just to put some distance between her pregnancy and our loss. To protect my wife.

But watching them just chat like old friends tonight, recounting diaper blowout horror stories, I realize that I didn't do anything. My wild leaps and detours just prolonged the inevitable and I was never going to be able to prevent my wife from seeing another baby. I only succeeded in alienating the woman that I promised to stay friends with, outside the courthouse right after our divorce was finalized. We were family for so long...does that really have to change?

She looked at me and leaned towards my wife and told her that her daughter still didn't have any godparents. My wife asked ME why not and I just couldn't find a reason. Not a good one. Not while my wife had her heart and mind completely open...with so much compassion and empathy for my ex, who fell so suddenly out of favor with most of her family for divorcing me and even more so when she decided to have a child alone. A woman who just decided to make herself happy and was shunned for it...a woman who has so much in common with my wife it would take ages to tell you all the ways they're similar and all of them would break your heart.

When I agreed to be godfather to this tiny little girl, I intended to take it as seriously as her mother does...and when she asked my wife to be her godmother, I could have cried. I have feared for so long that these women would only hurt each other if they connected too much, but I severely underestimated my wife's capacity for loving and supporting anyone who needs it.

This is all to say, because it's her birthday month and I know she'll read it: I may have gotten to her late, and the leap of faith I made in allowing her into my heart after being hurt so deeply was so profound that I'm still falling...but, I'll gladly keep falling forever just to have her. Her love changes me daily, and I have no doubt a heart like hers could change the world.

#family #marriage #happy wife happy life #in love #diary #This is not a diary space

[clubwnderland]

𝑾𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑼𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆 #2

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒏: There hasn't really been much going on in the way of exciting new things but I did have quite the encounter with someone who wanted to sell his soul to place a curse on his former lover. It's been the interesting highlight of my week because I wonder what she could possibly have done for him to want her to suffer so badly~ he didn't want her dead, no, he said that would be too kind but he did want her to live the rest of her life in agony. Oh, these humans and how quickly they will turn on those who wrong them.

If you sold your soul, what would you want? You get ten years to live freely before we come and collect so what would you sell it for?

𝑱𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏: Jangmi really knows how to drag me out of bed in the morning. I really should change the lock on my door because waking up to her bouncing around my kitchen cooking breakfast is really fucking annoying when we have been working all night. You'd think she would be more tired considering but nooooo, fuck sakes. Anyway, I've been hitting the gym lately, got some excess energy to use up because it's been a slow month in the club and the studio has only just started so we haven't had a lot of visitors yet so use my time wisely right? Could be sleeping though...

Is there anything you like to do with your time? I prefer sleeping but here I am.

𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆: There's been a lot of things I've been hearing about lately, a lot of things that I guess I've been missing out on because I've been so busy with work. Outside of Rinnie, I don't really do too much, I don't often get to be anything more than a mother. There are a few people whom I love spending my time with and I'm so grateful to have them but I guess I want to be seen as a woman sometimes, not as a mother. I'd love to go to the fair and eat cotton candy, taking photos in the house of mirrors. I'd love to watch the stars on the hood of a car while listening to music. I'd love to be told that I'm beautiful when I wake up. Hm, I guess it's been one of those moments where I think about too much... don't listen to me, tell me about you.

What's something that you would love to do with someone you cherish? Can be anyone, Valentine's Day may have passed but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still love those around you

#post: chan #post: jongin #post: alice #[jongin] #[alice] #[chan]

[ratsoh-writes]

hii!! i was wondering if i could get matched up with one of the wonderful undertale au skeletons? this is my first time doing one of these matchups and ive only recently been in the ut fandom, so here goes!

on the outside im a little shy and keep to myself and try to listen to the other person, but truly im like meeting people! i guess you could say im a bit of a shy extrovert/ambivert lol – i love hanging out with people but people are scary sometimes @_@ im the type of person that couldn't decide if they wanted to go out to the mall or play video games inside, though i have days where i kinda just wanna lay down and relax, life can be tiring. if i had to have a SOUL color, i think it would be green for kindness!

the inside of my mind is constantly the "hey so ummm not to be annoying but could you confirm that you still like me and have not decided to randomly hate me" meme. i always get so concerned about others opinions of me, and i have my moments with my anxiety where i worry excessively over something I've said and i apologize for saying that or bothering someone or even existing >_< i need a lot of reassurance and my self esteem has passed the event horizon of a supermassive black hole plz give me cuddles

i get crazy for anything having to do with video games or technology to be honest! im not an expert, but i like fooling around with games and even soldering or coding small electronics. ive fallen out of the habit, but i want to get back into it, but genshin impact has taken up most of my current attention ^_^; sports are alright, though my body doesn't like being outside (so many allergies + eczema + asthma). most of the time i have to do indoor activities, but window shopping in the mall or Amazon, reading fanfiction (like so much oml) and video games are my usual pastimes.

pet peeves and deal breakers? not many but i do have some strong ones. i don't really want to be with someone that actively hurts others maliciously, or is inconsiderate of my needs. ive been neglected and left to fend for myself emotionally a lot, and sometimes i just need to be with someone I trust. all my life ive been asked so many questions and given so many opportunities to lead that ie don't really feel like i can do that all the time, so I'd like to be able to have someone that's willing to guide me and help me since I've never had a romantic relationship before.

the most important thing to me in life is just making it through the day or week and just being happy. my health (mental and physical) has been declining so much over the past couple months, and honestly sometimes my brain says i won't be able to make it through the next day. i just want someone who's willing to support me and help me see what's so wonderful about this life to live :3

im 5' 1", Non-Binary demigirl (they/she) and im kinda thin, and i absolutely SIMP for anyone that is tall.

btw, your writing is so good and there's so much of it! keep doing what you're doing cuz it's so awesome and undertale skeletons are so cool! (and kinda hot)

happy Valentine's Day and i hope your day is filled with love!

I’ve got just the boy for you!

I’m matching you with….

Salt!! (Lustswap papyrus)

You are really his type. Salt loves the shy nerds and can’t help but to gravitate towards them. He likes the layers he gets to peel away as you become more comfortable around him. Salt is all about the chase, and you make the perfect mouse.

Salt sucks at video games. Just throwing that out here. But he will play with you. And it will be funny as heck. If you’re playing a team game, make sure he’s not on yours.

Salt is good for someone who needs a lot of reassurance. He’s observant and picks up on body language easily. He’s also good with his words and knows what to say to help settle the nerves.

Salt LOVES cringey fanfiction purely for the laugh factor. But sometimes he gets really into the romances and will fall into the trap of living a fandom without actually knowing the show lol. If you introduce him to the fanfics first, there’s a 50/50 chance he’ll start obsessing over your favorites with you

#matchups

[sukkatherapy]

💙{SUKKA PLAYLIST}💚

So in my fandom career, one of the first stages of commitment to a ship is dedicating a music playlist to them. As you may have guessed, Sukka is no exception.

Out of all the playlists I've made, Sukka's was definitely the most fun to make, as they are just so aesthetically pleasing. 🤧

I have 11 songs total and I recommend copying the songs and insert them into a playlist on whatever music service you use.

Good Times ~All Time Low

(you can see my post for this song here)

{"I never wanna leave this sunset town, but one day the time may come. And I'll take it at your word, and carry on. I'll hate the goodbye, but I wont forget the good times."}

Reread those lyrics. I dare you to tell me that isn't the fire nation attack scene in "The Warriors of Kyoshi".

Desert Moon ~ Mena Massoud & Naomi Scott

{"'Cause it waits for you there, and if you see it too, I can find my way to you."}

So the graphics I vision for this song are sorta based around Book 3 Sukka. I headcanon that Sokka would look up to Yue for reassurance when feeling lost, such as when Suki was imprisoned and he had no idea where she was. Also, post-Book 3 when they are in their long distance relationship, I know they would miss each other like crazy. Something I see comforting them is the fact that they see the same moon.

White Horse ~ Taylor Swift

{"I was a dreamer before you went and let me down, now its too late for you and your white horse to come around."}

{"And there you are on your knees. Begging for forgiveness, begging for me."}

Now we all know Suki is our resident independent- badass- queen who doesn't need anyone to look out for her, especially a man. I thought that this song was a good parallel to when she was fed up with Sokka's sexist bs in "The Warriors of Kyoshi". Like I can imagine her having to hear this from so many people around her growing up, and to hear it from someone she showed interest in must be disappointing. Not a super happy rec, but a necessary one nonetheless.

Even When/ The Best Part ~ Olivia Rodrigo & Joshua Basset

{"The best part is knowing there's something in my dreams that always makes me smile, its you. The best part is knowing there's someone in my life that makes it all worth while, its you."}

{"Even when you and I are worlds apart, I hold you in my heart. Even when I'm a thousand miles away, I wish that I could stay with you."}

So oddly enough, I actually find enjoyment in 'High School Musical: The Musical: The Series'. But in the scene, the main couple sang this to each other when they couldn't be together for Valentine's day, and when I first heard it, my head immediately went to Sokka and Suki. Seeing that they had a long distance relationship for a decent amount of time and have many individual responsibilities, they are bound to miss some holidays and events. But even through that, they know they are the most important parts of each others lives.

Like I'm Gonna Lose You ~ Meghan Trainor & John Legend

{"So I'll kiss you longer babe, every chance that I get. I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regret. Let's take our time to say what we want, use what we got before its all gone. 'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow."}

I really love this song for them because after losing Yue, Sokka came to appreciate time, and didn't want to waste a moment with Suki. He realized that death can be sudden and real, which was why he was so protective of Suki during 'The Serpent's Pass'.

If I Can't Be With You ~ R5

{"I'd rather stay with you, if I had to choose. Baby you're the greatest, and I got everything to lose. And I just wanna be with you. And I can never get enough. Baby, give it all up I'd give it all up, if I cant be with you."}

I thought this song fit really well, and this lyric in particular reminds me of the failed escape attempt in 'The Boiling Rock Pt. 1'. Suki was willing to give up the concept of freedom if it meant staying to wait for Hakoda with Sokka.

Thinking Out Loud ~ Ed Sheeran

{"'Cause, honey, your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen. And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory. I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways. And maybe it's all part of a plan. Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes, hoping that you'll understand.

That, baby, now take me into your loving arms. Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars. Place your head on my beating heart. I'm thinking out loud, and maybe we found love right where we are."}

Another headcanon service. I can just picture them leisurely dancing to this in the living room when they're married.

Stuck With You ~ Ariana Grande & Justin Bieber

{"So, go ahead and drive me insane. Baby, run your mouth, I still wouldn't change being stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you."}

I thought this would be a good choice because as we see in the show, Suki will humor Sokka's jokes every once in a while versus just brushing them off. I can also see her being like "Hmm, you're an idiot, but I love it. I'm keeping you."

Gotta Find You ~ Joe Jonas

{"I need to try to get to where you are. Could it be you're not that far? You're the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I'm singing. I need to find you, I gotta find you."}

Enough said.👏

Lift Me Up ~ The Afters

{"You know my heart is heavy, and the hurt is deep. But when I feel like giving up, you're reminding me. That we all fall down sometimes, When I hit the ground,

You lift me up when I am weak, your arms wrap around me. Your love catches me, so I'm letting go. You lift me up when I can't see, your heart's all that I need. Your love carries me, so I'm letting go."}

So I really love this song and feel that it could be used for literally any atla ship or even atla as a whole, due to the theme and aesthetic (might mess around and make an edit😏). One of my favorite things about Sukka is how supportive they are of each other, and how easily they make each other happy. They've seen each other at low points, they've been on death row, but through that they were still there cheering each other on.

Lucky ~ Jason Mraz & Colbie Caillat

{"They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you, I promise you, I will."}

I think this pretty much sums up their time together during 'The Serpent's Pass'. They were apart for so long-and with the war, had no reason to really believe they'd see each other again. But then by chance they were brought together again, revealed their feelings, only to have to split up again. But through that, they didn't let the distance bother them, as they stayed committed to each other.

{"Lucky we're in love in every way. Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed. Lucky to be coming home someday."}

Well, we all know they're hopelessly in love, but I feel like this highlights one of the most important aspects of them; no matter how long or far apart they are, they always come running home to each other.

Well that was defiantly a doozy😅. Thanks to those who stuck around this far!

#sukka #sokka x suki #sokka #suki #atla #avatar the last airbender

[itsadamcole]

christmas lights - pt. 3

fem!reader x drew mcintyre

reader and drew come face to face ...

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce, mentions of being intoxicated, angst, rebuilding of a broken relationship

— part 4 tomorrow, then two more christmas themed imagines after that —

masterlist || request an imagine here

part 1 || part 2 || part 4

***

Weeks pass and you finally reached out to Drew after you've finally calmed down. Candice told you to hear him out so you told him to come by the house today.

Drew is home for a few days so he is stopping by so the two of you can at least air everything out. You don't know if you'll be able to fix the relationship.

You took off your wedding band and engagement ring because looking at them on your finger made you upset. You don't plan on putting them back on today.

You do dress like you haven't been crying your eyes out for the past six weeks. You wear a silky light blue button up and white jeans. You don't bother with putting shoes on so you're barefoot. You tie your hair into a ponytail on top of your head.

Now you wait for Drew to show up. You sit on the couch as you wait. You try to think about something else, anything else, but it's almost impossible. Especially after you hear a car pull into the driveway.

Sighing, you prepare yourself to come face to face with your husband, if that's what he still is. You don't know anymore.

Drew knocks on the door and you get up, walking into the foyer and opening the door.

The Scotsman stands in front of you, and it takes everything in you to not fall into his arms and just cry. He's dressed casually. A t-shirt and jeans with sneakers. His hair is in a low ponytail on the back of his head.

"Hi," you squeak.

Drew says, "Hey. May I come in?"

Nodding, you step aside and he walks in. You close the door and join Drew, who's now in the living room. He looks around at all the pictures you haven't taken down yet.

You ask, "Do you want something to drink?"

He shakes his head and says, "No, thank ya though."

You sit in the comfy chair adjacent from the couch that Drew is now sitting on. He looks over at you and you look down, not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Look, Y/N," Drew sighs. "I'm ripping off the bandaid so we can go back to what we were before. I lied t'ya."

Avoiding eye contact, you say, "No shit, Drew. That's why we're here."

Drew says, "No, we're here because ya took a text out of context. Ya never let me fully explain myself."

Anger starts to rise in you and you say, "The text seemed pretty straight forward, Drew. I gave you the opportunity to explain yourself and you said that you cheated. Plain and simple."

The Scotsman says, "I told ya that I cheated because ya wanted t'hear me say it. I never cheated. I would never do that t'ya, Y/N. Ya know me-"

"I thought I knew you," you interrupt.

Drew says, "Will ya close yer stubborn mouth for two seconds so I can explain what happened?"

You blink at Drew. He's never used that tone with you. That tone of "be quiet or I swear to God". Never has Drew used that tone with you, which makes you be quiet.

As you wait, you cross your arms over your chest. You stay quiet.

Drew begins with, "I wanted t'buy you a present for Christmas and I needed another woman's opinion so I asked my friend Diane t'help me pick it out. That was my first mistake. The lingerie in the picture, that was supposed t'be for ya. Diane, who I've blocked by the way, always used t'tease me because I only have sex every few weeks. She asked if I wanted t'come over and pick it up to give t'ya but ya were home and I didn't want t'leave t'go get it since it had been a while since we've seen each other.

"That's when the picture comes in. She decided to mess with me and send that picture with the text. I never kissed her, I never slept with her, I never flirted with her. Nothing happened. I mean that. I never cheated, and I only told ya that because it's what ya wanted to hear. I've always stayed loyal t'ya, Y/N. I've never even thought about messing with someone else behind yer back," Drew finished.

His explanation lines up with everything, but your stubborn ass never let him fully explain yourself. You have your doubts, yes, but you should have let him explain himself that night.

That night was your worst nightmare come true when it never should have been.

Tears begin to well in your eyes and you mumble, "That makes perfect sense and I didn't believe you."

You cover your face with your hands. You hate that you never let Drew explain himself. You hate that you've been avoiding talking to him for weeks.

He stays quiet and the tears that formed begin to roll down your cheeks. You've hated Drew for the past six weeks when you had no reason. You almost wanted him to tell you he had been unloyal to you because you couldn't believe him at all. He sounded so panicky when he was trying to explain himself all those weeks ago that you thought that he was lying to you.

"I'm so sorry, Drew," you cry, face still covered. "I'm so sorry that I never let you explain yourself."

Drew gets up and walks over to you. He wraps his arms around you as he sits on the arm of the chair. You cry into his chest as he says, "No, I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm sorry that I made ya think ya weren't good enough. I'm sorry I made ya ever think that I cheated. Yer perfect for me and I almost ruined it."

You hug him tight and say, "I've hated you for the past few weeks and pushed you away for no reason."

"Hey, ya had every reason," Drew says. "Ya were emotional and I had told ya that I was unloyal. Ya had every right t'hate me and t'push me away, Y/N. I don't blame ya at all, and ya shouldn't blame yourself, love."

You finally look up at Drew, meeting his eyes and you say, "I love you. I never stopped even though I hated you for something you didn't do. I'm so sorry that we couldn't spend the last six weeks together when it's what you wanted."

Drew presses a kiss to your forehead and he says, "We can start over. Clean slates, yeah?"

You nod and say, "Yeah, I'd like that. I need to do one thing first."

He nods and you get up, running up the stairs. You grab your wedding band and engagement ring out of the jewelry box you put them in and put both rings on your finger. Then you grab the present you never gave Drew for Christmas before walking downstairs.

Your husband looks confused as you carry a wrapped gift down the stairs.

"I, um, was never able to give you this," you say. "So Merry belated Christmas, Drew."

The small box is unwrapped once you hand it to Drew. Inside the wrapping paper is a small box. Not the size that would contain a ring, but the size that would contain a bracelet.

Drew opens up the box and smiles when he sees the contents. It's a thin silver bracelet with Drew's initials engraved on one side of the date that's engraved in the metal with your initials engraved on the other side of date. The date is the day you married Drew.

He says, "Y/N. Ya got this fer me?"

You nod and say, "And I'm giving it to you a month and a half later so technically happy early Valentine's Day."

Your husband laughs and puts the bracelet on his left wrist. You notice he's wearing his wedding band. Your heart sinks as you realize he probably never took his off while you did.

Drew looks over at you and he says, "Thank ya, Y/N."

You nod and meet his eyes again. "No more secrets," you say. "Please?"

He shakes his head and says, "No more secrets, I promise. And no more lying."

"Yeah, I agree," you say, giving Drew a small smile.

Drew reaches up and touches your cheek lightly, and you lean into his touch. "Can I kiss ya?" he asks.

You nod and Drew stands up from the arm of the chair. He towers over you and you have to look up at him.

He leans down and lightly presses a kiss to your cheek. You move closer to Drew as the kiss intensifies just a little bit. Your eyes flutter closed and butterflies rise in your stomach as if this was your first kiss again with Drew. It almost feels like it.

The kiss continues for a few moments before Drew pulls away. He says, "I probably have t'build yer trust up again, don't I?"

You look up at him and say, "I mean, I have some doubts but I do believe you for the most part." You take his hand. "But we can't just jump right back into how we were. We've been separated for six weeks."

Drew asks, "What do ya want to do? Do ya want me to stay with Sheamus a little bit longer or I can rent an apartment for a few months that way we can take things slow."

"You don't have to move out," you say, staring up at Drew. "We can asleep in separate bedrooms for a few weeks while we mend the relationship. We're gonna need some boundaries temporarily while we fix things."

He nods and says, "Whatever ya want t'do, Y/N. If ya want me t'stay then I'll stay."

Smiling up at him, you say, "I want you to stay, but separate bedrooms for right now."

Drew says, "Then I'll stay. I'll have Sheamus or Cesaro drop my clothes off later. Right now, I just want t'spend some time with my wife while I'm home."

Your face gets a little flustered as he talks.

You believe that this relationship can be fixed. Drew's explanation makes sense and lines up with a lot. You're just upset with yourself that you never let him explain.

A question pops into your head and you ask, "Drew, how long did you know Diane?"

He says, "I've known her a few months. She works in makeup for Raw and that's how we met. She's become a close friend while I'm on the road."

"Is that why you asked her to help you shop for me?" you ask.

Drew nods and says, "I talked t'her about ya all the time and she knew what ya liked and didn't like. That's how much I talked t'her about ya." A chuckle leaves his lips. "I didn't ask Candice or Indi because I wanted it t'be a surprise and I knew they would probably end up telling ya or ya'd find out because ya always talk to them. So I asked Diane and we shopped when we were in New York. Looking back, I probably shoulda asked Candice."

You listen to the tone of his and he sounds genuine. His accent gets a little thicker when he lies but it stays the same.

"Did she ever try to come onto you?" you ask.

Drew shakes his head and says, "Not that I'm aware of. Maybe I was just oblivious because I was always thinking about ya and when I'd get back t'ya. I always used to say how I'd miss ya and how much I missed us, ya know, having sex or being intimate with each other so she used t'tease me about it. The picture she sent overstepped a boundary that I didn't think I'd needed t'put down so the next day, after I sobered up and everything, I told her that she overstepped, that our friendship was over, and blocked her."

Sobered up? "You got drunk that night?" you ask.

He nods and says, "Severely. Sheamus and Cesaro picked me up and I threw up."

You frown. That's why Sheamus said that Drew wasn't there when you called that night to make sure he made it over okay.

"I called, that night," you admit. "I called Sheamus to see if you made it there okay. My heart sank because I thought you were with her after he told me you weren't there."

Drew crouches in front of you and he says, "I drove to a bar. I drank heavily for a while before Sheamus and Cesaro found me extremely intoxicated. That's all. I wasn't with Diane."

You look into his pretty blue eyes and you feel butterflies as you make eye contact with him. "I know," you say. "I'm sorry for being a terrible wife recently."

Your husband rests his hands on your knees and he says, "Ya have no reason to apologize, love. The past few weeks have all been on me. I gave ya the space ya wanted. I knew ya'd reach out when ya were ready to talk."

Sighing, you run your fingers through Drew's dark hair and you say, "I'm glad you're back. Let's never do that again. Separate, I mean."

He lets out a breathy laugh and says, "I agree. It was terrible."

You laugh a bit and hug him, wrapping your arms around his neck and holding him close.

You finally feel at home again in Drew's arms. Yes, he has a bit to prove but you're willing to work with him. You believe him and because you love him, you want to make sure this relationship gets fixed because you could never forgive yourself if this relationship ended for any reason.

—

tags: @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan

#drew mcintyre imagine #drew mcintyre x reader #wrestling imagine #wrestling angst #wwe imagine #wwe angst #nxt imagine #nxt angst #imagines #imagine #angst imagine #christmas imagine

[fallout4holmes]

Nuka-World 11

I didn’t stick around the zoo for long, making my way back to Nuka-Town. I hated the idea of Holmes on his own, but I had to grudgingly admit that Gage would probably do his best to keep Holmes alive since his own skin depended on it. I noticed the Operators had lost no time setting up shop in the World of Refreshment as I passed by. The gunfire coming from behind the bottling plant suggested we must not have cleared out all the mirelurks after all. What a shame.

I decided to duck into Kiddie Kingdom, see if there was any sign of our rescue party showing up yet. The park was quiet, dead ferals still lying where they had fallen. I meandered through the rides, taking my time. I didn’t know how much time Holmes would need to sort out the mess in Nuka-Town, and I didn’t want any soldiers that might have been keeping watch getting alarmed. Slow and steady seemed the way to go. Also seemed like I was alone. I lit a cigarette, and had the idea to try taking a look from the roof of King Cola’s Castle. Maybe I could spot the soldiers before they got here, get a sense of where they were.

As I neared the theater's entrance, something in a tower window caught my eye. It looked suspiciously like a tricorn hat, suddenly hidden again. I headed over, cautiously stepping inside the tower with a hand on my gun, just in case this was some sort of trick.

For once, I didn't need to worry.

"Mr. Valentine?" a voice softly called from the second floor.

"In the synthetic flesh. It just us in here?"

"Yes, sir," the Minuteman hurried down from his post and I relaxed. "I'm glad to see you're ok, Mr. Valentine."

I recognized the guy from Sanctuary, I'd saved him and a settler from a yao guai once. "Private Brown, right?"

"Corporal, now," he smiled, clearly proud. "Colonel Garvey will be glad to see you, the General's instructions were, um. Vague?"

"Ha, I bet. He in the theater?"

Brown nodded, "Yes sir, if you go—"

"I've been inside before, Holmes and I are responsible for the dead ferals lying around."

He blinked, "… all of them?"

I shrugged, "Any wearing clown makeup, anyway."

"Clown…? Oh, the stuff that looks like paint on their faces?"

"Yep. Clowns were a type of entertainment way back in the day, tried to make families laugh. Weren't any ghouls back then, of course."

Brown shuddered, "Yeah, I can't imagine what you're talking about."

I chuckled, "Probably for the best. Always found 'em unsettling, myself. I'll let you get back to being a watchman."

"Wait, you can go through here," he hurried over to a door and knocked before opening a crack, "Jackson, Mr. Valentine's here, let him—"

"Valentine!" A woman in Minutemen uniform opened the door and stuck her head through to look at me, "Well damn," she grinned. "Good to see you sir, come on through. You'll get to the Colonel faster this way."

The door connected the tower to the backstage area of the theater. I followed Jackson with relief. “You folks got a real thing for castles, don’t you?”

She smirked, "Colonel took it as a good sign when we spotted this place on our way in."

Jackson opened the door to a dressing room turned into a command center, and there in the middle stood Preston Garvey talking with someone I never would have expected.

"MacCready?!"

"Hey, Valentine," the merc said with a grin. "Heard you and Holmes needed a rescue."

"I'm glad you're here, Nick," Preston said, "and unharmed. We were just trying to figure out how to get in touch with the General."

"Good thing I decided to go for a walk," I joked. "When did you get here?"

"Before dawn this morning," Preston said.

Holmes’s instinct to take out the Gunners right away had been spot on. I turned to MacCready, "Who's watching Duncan while you're here?"

"He's staying at your place with Shaun. Codsworth and Piper are keeping eyes on them."

"I was sure surprised to see him running behind us as we moved out of Sanctuary," Preston said with a grin.

"Hey, I owe Holmes everything," MacCready protested. "Without him, the Gunners would still be harassing me, and my son would probably be dead. You can't put out a call to arms to rescue him without me doing something."

"We appreciate it," I said.

"Curie insisted on coming too," Preston said, "since we had no idea if Holmes would need medical attention or not. We've got a handful of Minutebots with us, in addition to the troops."

"You're still outnumbered," I warned.

"Sure," a voice said behind me, "but wait til the raiders see the super mutant on our side."

I spun around and saw a bald man in a Minuteman uniform, plus a pair of sunglasses. "Deacon?!"

"I still don't know where he got that uniform," Preston grumbled.

"Any other folks I know joining the party?" I was incredulous.

"Deacon already mentioned Strong," Preston shrugged. "Cait and Hancock are around somewhere."

"How the hell did Holmes make friends with a super mutant, anyway?" MacCready asked.

"Long story," Preston and I said in unison. I followed up, "As flattered as I am and I know Holmes will be, we're still outnumbered. By a lot. Each park has a small settlement's worth of raiders inside, and they've all got their own specialties."

Preston nodded, "Which is one reason why I'm glad you're here, Nick. Tell me everything you know about this place."

I gave them the full story, everything about the parks, how they were laid out, the gangs and their leaders, the traders in slave collars. After a while, I realized who was missing from the room. "Say, where's Danse?"

"The General had a mission for him," Preston said, "and gave orders that no one else was to know about it."

I scoffed, "He would. So, ideas for a plan?"

"The parks are far enough from each other that we might be able to keep the fighting in each one isolated, if we attack quickly and keep everyone else distracted from what's going on. The problem is that we don't have enough people to take them all simultaneously, and we don't have enough time to go one by one and risk the raiders becoming alarmed."

I sighed, "Well, for what it's worth, there's a guy inside Safari Adventure that'll lend a hand. Name's Cito, raised by gorillas, mean swing with a sledgehammer."

The three of them were skeptical, understandably. “Gorillas?” asked Preston.

I shrugged, “It’s a zoo.”

Deacon put his hand up, “I want to meet this person.”

“Oh,” I remembered, “one other thing; if you happen to see a bunch of ferals with paint on their faces in the company of a glowing ghoul in a tux and top hat, don’t shoot ‘em.”

“You sure you don’t have any circuits crossed?” MacCready asked.

I rolled my eyes, "I know how it sounds. When the bombs fell, the Kiddie Kingdom staff made a shelter out of the employee tunnels. They all turned ghoul, and then slowly they all went feral, except one."

"Top hat guy," Deacon said.

"Exactly. His name's Oswald, used to be a magician. Holmes and I convinced him to leave town with his, uh, friends. I don't know if he'll show up here or not. If he does, I'd rather he not get shot by a panicked Minuteman."

"I'll let everyone know," Preston nodded, "just in case. How far do those tunnels you mentioned reach?"

"Easier to show you," I said, and started walking.

I saw quite a few familiar faces as I went through the theater-turned-camp. Curie was happy to see me, wanted a full report on Holmes’s health. Cait was taking a turn on watch duty, shouted a mildly vulgar hello that was probably her version of friendly. Strong and Hancock were talking, sort of. Hancock was asking questions and Strong was answering, anyway. The gist I picked up was that Strong was less here to save Holmes, and more here to fight raiders. “Raiders capture leader, not kill. Raiders must be strong but stupid. Strong will kill them, eat their flesh and find milk!” Which still worked out positive for us in the long run, so I wasn’t complaining. The Minutebots Preston had mentioned sat in standby mode for now; imagine an armored Mr. Handy with gatling guns for arms and you get the general idea.

I led Preston, Deacon, and MacCready through the tunnels. Curie followed, curious as always. All of them were impressed with the set up, until we got to the water supply.

“You think they went ghoul before or after the water turned green?” MacCready quipped.

“Before,” I muttered. “Storm blew in from the east, fallout from the bomb hitting Boston.”

“Sirs,” Curie spoke up, “this level of radiation? This is to be expected as waste from a nuclear reactor, not simply a polluted water supply.”

“Reactor?” Deacon was skeptical, “In an amusement park?”

Then it hit me. “Nuka-Quantum has a radioactive isotope, that’s why it glows. I’ll bet that pipe leads to the bottling plant.”

It was Preston’s turn to be skeptical, “A bottling plant run by a reactor? Seems a little extreme.”

“What if it’s not just a bottling plant?” I reasoned it out, “They had to do the research somewhere. Some of the terminals around the park mention a thing called Project Cobalt, some sort of private contract that used up a whole hell of a lot of the park’s resources and manpower. Something like that might need its own private power supply, keep it self-contained.”

Deacon raised a hand, “So what I’m hearing is that we need to get into the bottling plant.”

I nodded, “World of Refreshment and the plant connected to it are currently occupied by the Operators. Real slick, well dressed, care about caps more than anything.”

“Cool. Hey, MacCready, wanna help me do some shopping?”

MacCready crossed his arms, “You want me to snipe a guy so you can steal his clothes?”

“Pretty much.”

MacCready shrugged, “Sure, I can do that.”

#fallout4holmes #fallout 4 #nuka world #nick valentine #sherlock holmes #fan fiction #catching up on past posts #better late than never

[mab1905]

More Fitzjames content? Yeah... here’s a playlist for ya’ll...

These are songs which I think describe him at different points in his character developement or simply different aspects of his personality. Somewhat James/Crozier (Fitzier) but all about James.

(25 songs, 1 hour 33 min)

Song List + Most Character-Relevant Lyrics:

Fancy — Orville Peck

We didn't have money for food or rent / To say the least, we was hard pressed / Then Mama spent every last penny we had / To buy me a dancin' dress / Mama washed and combed and curled my hair / And she painted my eyes and lips / Stepped into a satin dancin' dress / That had a slit in the side clean up to my hips / It was red velvet trim, and it fit me good / Starin' back from the lookin' glass / There stood a woman where a half-gown boy had stood / ... / It sounded like somebody else that was talkin' / Askin', "Mama, what do I do?" / She said, "Just be nice to the gentlemen, Fancy / They'll be nice to you" / "Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down / Lord, forgive me for what I do / But if you want out, well, it's up to you / Now don't let me down now / Your mama's gonna move you uptown"

gold rush — Taylor Swift

What must it be like / To grow up that beautiful? / With your hair falling into place like dominos / ... / At dinner parties / I call you out on your contrarian shit / And the coastal town / We wandered 'round had never / Seen a love as pure as it / And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea / 'Cause you know it could never be

The Name Of The Game — ABBA

Your smile, and the sound of your voice / And the way you see through me / Got a feeling, you give me no choice / But it means a lot to me / So I wanna know / What's the name of the game?

Spectrum — Florence + The Machine

And when we come for you / We'll be dressed up all in blue / With the ocean in our arms / Kiss your eyes and kiss your palms / And when it's time to pray / We'll be dressed up all in grey / With metal on our tongues / And silver in our lungs / ... / And when we come back we'll be dressed in black / And you'll scream my name aloud / And we won't eat and we won't sleep / We'll drag bodies from the ground / So say my name / And every colour illuminates / And we are shining / And we'll never be afraid again

Dreamy Bruises — Sylvan Esso

How can we question / What we knows feels right / Black eyes turn to marigolds / In the morning light / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Shaken all over like some dogs at the pool / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / They’re kicken all the records over acting like they hanging water / Ohweeohweeoh kids move so slow / Down in the basement where the sun don't show / Ohweeohweeoh kids movie so slow / Naked dollars wonder piles dreamy bruises rotten lovers / And they say I want you / To bend me back in two / To make me sing your tune / To make those words so smooth / Fill me like a song do

Wolf — Sylvan Esso

But no birds nor beast does he eat / He only wants the tenderest meat / And oh the sounds he makes them speak / Under all different patterns of sheets / ... / The modern wolf, the modern wolf / Drippin' in all the lives that he took / He'll go on home, try to wash them off / But when he shaves, he hears them call

Francis Forever — Mitski

On sunny days I go out walking / I end up on a tree-lined street / I look up at the gaps of sunlight / I miss you more than anything / I don't need the world to see / That I've been the best I can be, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me / And autumn comes when you're not yet done / With the summer passing by, but / I don't think I could stand to be / Where you don't see me

James — MGMT

James / If you need a friend / Come right over / Don't even knock / And I'll be home / The door is always open / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?" / Oh, James / My little doll / You just go outside and you call / Oh, James / Oh, you're never too far off / If your fire's out / There's no need to shout / I'm always home / And walk on in / I'll make you tea and breakfast / And we both can say, "Who's laughing now?"

South London Forever — Florence + The Machine

I drive past the place that I was born / And the places that I used to drink / Young and drunk and stumbling in the street / Outside the Joiners Arm's like foals unsteady on their feet / With the art students and the boys in bands / High on E and holding hands with someone that I just met / I thought it doesn't get / Better than this / There can be nothing better than this / Better than this / And we climbed onto the roof, the museum / And someone made love in the glass / And I'd forgot my name / And the way back to my mother's house / With your black cool eyes and your bitten lips / The world is at your fingertips / It doesn't get better than this / What else could be better than this? / Oh, don't you know I have seen / I have seen the fields aflame / And everything I ever did / Was just another way to scream your name

Oh! You Pretty things — David Bowie

I think about a world to come / Where the books were found by the Golden ones / Written in pain, written in awe / By a puzzled man who questioned / What we work here for / All the strangers came today / And it looks as though they're here to stay / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things) / Don't you know you're driving your / Mamas and Papas insane / Let me make it plain / You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Venus As A Boy — Björk

His wicked sense of humor / Suggests exciting sex / His fingers they focus on her and touches / He's Venus as a boy / ... / All across your lips, oh, then until / Well be that it's a little now, until / He believes in a beauty / He's Venus as a boy / He believes in a beauty and gentle

Winds Change — Orville Peck

Had a lover but I lost my patience / Gonna get a song on a radio station / Got a fire but you just can't use it / I don't mean no lies, baby, please don't lose it / Lost my way on the other side / I know why, I don't know when / From the way that we said goodbye / I knew I'd never see you again / Left my mind in the Salt Lake City / Met a lot of men who would call me pretty / Pack of reds, watch the days get colder / Don't it make you cry, how we're getting older?

Fluorescent Adolescent — Arctic Monkeys

Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up... / Flicking through a little book of sex tips / Remember when the boys were all electric? / Now when she's told she's gonna get it / I'm guessing that she'd rather just forget it / Clinging to not getting sentimental / Said she wasn't going but she went still / Likes her gentlemen not to be gentle / Was it a Mecca dauber or a betting pencil? / Oh the boy's a slag / The best you ever had / The best you ever had is just a memory / And those dreams weren't as daft as they seem / Not as daft as they seem / My love, when you dream them up / Falling about / You took a left off Last Laugh Lane / Just sounding it out / But you're not coming back again.

Cheerleader — St. Vincent

I've had good times / With some bad guys / I've told whole lies / With a half smile / Held your bare bones / With my clothes on / I've thrown rocks / Then hid both my arms / I've played dumb / When I knew better / Tried so hard / Just to be clever / I know honest thieves / I call family / I've seen America / With no clothes on / I don't know what I deserve / But for you I could work / Cause I don’t want to be a cheerleader no more

Queen Bitch — David Bowie

She's so swishy in her satin and tat / In her frock coat and bipperty-bopperty hat / Oh God, I could do better than that / Oh, yeah / She's an old-time ambassador / Of sweet talking, night walking games / Oh and she's known in the darkest clubs / For pushing ahead of the dames / If she says she can do it / Then she can do it, she don't make false claims / But she's a queen and such a queen / Such a laughter is sucked in their brains / Now she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / Yes, she's leading him on / And she'll lay him right down / But it could have been me / Yes, it could have been me

Boys Keep Swinging — David Bowie

Heaven loves ya / The clouds part for ya / Nothing stands in your way / When you're a boy / Clothes always fit ya / Life is a pop of the cherry / When you're a boy / When you're a boy / You can wear a uniform / When you're a boy / Other boys check you out / You get a girl / These are your favorite things / When you're a boy / Boys / Boys / Boys keep swinging

Caterpillars (Of The Common Wealth) — Will Connolly

You know you'll always be my valentine / Now swear to god that you will never tell / They're streaming every indiscretion live / For caterpillars of the commonwealth / Gotta go / You can stay / Make yourself at home / Gotta go / This campaign / Don't run itself you know / You've got potential little parasite / I tie your hands so i can wish you well / Cuz i'm a gentleman and you are like / A caterpillar of the commonwealth / Gotta go / I said no / You need to know your role / Gotta go / I said no / It's all under control

Imposters (Little By Little) — The Fratellis

You wear your mask, I'll wear mine / They don't come cheap, but they fit just fine / You can be her and I can be him / We can both sink when the rest all swim / ... / We can pretend that our fates were entwined / A beautiful lie is the beautiful kind / Everybody knows that the sun still sets / And everybody gives and everybody gets / ... / I could be the one that you just can't shake / Till you swear that your eyes go blind / We can disappear till the sun burns a hole / In the life that we left behind

Sweet Painted Lady — Elton John

I'm back on dry land once again / Opportunity awaits me like a rat in the drain / We're all hunting honey with money to burn / Just a short time to show you the tricks that we've learned / If the boys all behave themselves here / Well, there's pretty young ladies and beer in the rear / ... / Forget us we'll have gone very soon / Just forget we ever slept in your rooms / And we'll leave the smell of the sea in your beds / Where love's just a job and nothing is said

Super Trouper — ABBA

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me / But I won't feel blue / Like I always do / 'Cause somewhere in the crowd there's you / ... / So I'll be there when you arrive / The sight of you will prove to me I'm still alive / And when you take me in your arms / And hold me tight / I know it's gonna mean so much tonight

Babooshka — Kate Bush

She sent him scented letters / And he received them with a strange delight / Just like / His wife / But how she was before the tears / And how she was before the years flew by / And how she was when she was beautiful / She signed the letter / All yours...

Paris is Burning — St. Vincent

I write to give word the war is over / Send my cinders home to mother / They gave me a medal for my valor / Leaden trumpets spit the soot of power / They say, "I'm on your side / "When nobody is, 'cause nobody is / "Come sit right here and sleep / "While I slip poison in your ear" / We are waiting on a telegram / To give us news of the fall / I am sorry to report / Dear Paris is burning after all

Dream of Sheep — Kate Bush

Oh I'll wake up to any sound of engines / Every gull a seeking craft / I can't keep my eyes open / Wish I had my radio / I'd tune into some friendly voices / Talking 'bout stupid things / I can't be left to my imagination / Let me be weak, let me sleep and dream of sheep / Ooh, their breath is warm / And they smell like sleep / And they say they take me home / Like poppies, heavy with seed / They take me deeper and deeper

Hunger — Florence + The Machine

At seventeen, I started to starve myself / I thought that love was a kind of emptiness / And at least I understood then, the hunger I felt / And I didn't have to call it loneliness / ... / Tell me what you need, oh, you look so free / The way you use your body, baby, come on and work it for me / Don't let it get you down, you're the best thing I've seen / We never found the answer but we knew one thing / ... / And it's Friday night and it's kicking in / In that pink dress, they're gonna crucify me / Oh, and you in all your vibrant youth / How could anything bad ever happen to you? / You make a fool of death with your beauty, and for a moment / I forget to worry

#Spotify #fanmix #gay #fanwork #playlist #i have a crippling addiction to making playlists #james fitzjames #fitzier #francis crozier #francis rawdon moira crozier #Jim fitzjimmy #james fitzjames + gender = ? we dont know her #spotify playlist

[dojae-huh]

I've been a Czennie since Do addition to 127. Tho I'm not a fan from the very beginning, I've seen their older content and still watch new ones. I can't observe as well as you, but I consider myself having seen enough changes in JaeDo through the yrs.

Do became my bias right away. His vocals and wits appealed to me first. Watching more content and I've noticed how caring, sincere, passionate and goal-oriented he is. That's when I realized I'm in this fandom for life. Do can talk a lot, but never speaks too much, also making sure others get the spotlight. That's another thing I like about him. I like this kind of leadership. He's efficient, but considerate.

But you're absolutely right that Do's ambitions and angry sides (for laugh) came out more often in the older content. I still remember the old days my irl friends and I would talk and laugh about Do's angry bunny mode, even before discovering your blog. These days, I'd say Do hasn't lost himself, but he has become more aware than ever about fans loving aegyo and their other expectations of him. The filial son, very attentive idol who always gives fans updates. His popularity saw huge growth after Cherry Bomb and moreso after Boss. His pcs and merch weren't expensive or hard to trade at all back before 2018. Now he comes second in popularity after Jae in Korea and several Asian countries, beating even Tae and Mark who I expected to stay more popular for as long as NCT grows. Do has a good amount of fans outside Asia too. I'll never know Do enough to judge, but I wonder if that puts pressure on him. This is Do still being the smart and considerate person that he already is and he seems to want to interact often out of his own will too (while not giving away his own secrets and too personal thoughts, thankfully), but I'm also worried he has to conform to what the fans want. Like, what if he's rlly tired or doesn't want to do aegyo sometimes, but he still does it? Do keeps up with what the fans talk about him too and fans hype up his cute side. Ok, he's cute and kind. But idk if it gets too much. That reflected in what Dozennies asked Do to do during fansign. So much aegyo content. Other members got these requests too, but Do's among the top imo. Fan expectations play a huge role in image shaping and most of stan twt overhyping his cute, "babie" side or acting up when Do's silent just for a few days made me uncomfortable, tbh. I'm once again saying that I love his cuteness and am thankful for all the updates too, but Do's more than that. And it's perfectly fine if he wants to disappear from the internet for some time. I just want him to be able to do what he wants without worries (if he's concerned about it, that is).

Jae has always been my #2 fave after Do and I've shipped JaeDo early on, but I didn't rlly consider Jae my bias at first. I remember I started out loving his vocals and wits too (I have a thing for intellectuals and vocalists and Jae's more than visual, working very hard to earn his main vocalist spot). I also find JaeDo a force to be reckon with. Their vocals and brains are so sexy tgt lmao But later, Jae kept growing on me and before I knew it, I've adopted him as a bias. Perhaps mainly due to Ennana content. He has his own gentle, mellow way and he's a simple and chill guy with depth and passion. Idk if I made sense, but that's how I see him and made me fall for him.

I feel even before the scandal happened, Jae had already growing more lowkey as each year passed. He's become less of a clingy puppy maknae than 2015-2016, but I absolutely agree that he was still more open in 2017-2019 than now. He has to build a wall around himself and with his close relationship with his family which conveniently lives in Seoul, I don't blame him if he wants to retreat from the ssng-infested dorm to his comfort zone (his fans are prolly the most unhinged too, mostly in for his looks, while I wish Valentines would pay more attention to his musical talents and personality) or wants alone time. But at the end of the day, I still want to see Singer and Artist Jae and his future solo aside, I hope he can stay happy and be part of NCT for many years to come. I fully believe in his passion (Jae's own consistencies in interview and video content aside, the other neos are always praising him about this), but he has also mentioned before about the perfect image that pressured him. There must have been disheartening moments. Maybe his sns break and unbothered side can do some good for him. Let him let go sometimes, so he can recharge before this comeback, which will require him to be more active.

Whew, that's long. JaeDo time at last. I started out shipping JaeDo for fun and never believed in my previous ships. Korean guys seem ok with skinship in general and K-pop idols are put in a spot they have to express their feelings for groupmates or do fanservice, so I find it hard to be sure which is romantic and which is platonic. But JaeDo is the first ship that intrigued me. I admit I'm still in conflicting emotions like some of the previous anons, whether they are rlly dating or not. Or are they still in crushing on e/o stage. Or there's no romantic feelings involved atm, but they keep making me wonder if there's something. You clarified about their securities and other neos' reactions and I agree, but i'm still trying to connect everything. 2019 to now just have been very weird and confusing. I've shipped them from 2017. I've witnessed 2017 tension and 2018 lovey-dovey period real time and I've watched puppy Jae from 2015-2016. But 2019 moments and after, particularly 2020 divorce, caught my attention the most.

JaeDo dynamic is too weird to overlook. They go up and down like crazy lol I'm prolly too loyal and biased to jump ships too, but I just can't see DoTae's deep friendship, Do flustered by Johnny, and Do babying younger neos as romantic. Jae is close to some of the neos, but I can't sense anything romantic. Not even with Yuta and Winwin. On the side of Do ships, Johnny and younger neos (Woo and Jeno in particular) have other neos they seem closer too. I think DoTae are e/o's most important neo, but dare I say, JaeDo give off vibes that make me wonder if they are e/o's number one too, albeit in a different way from DoTae's relationship. There are times I feel JaeDo have drifted apart. They just seem tense around e/o sometimes and Do never hugs Jae with wide smile. They sometimes don't talk about e/o or don't include e/o in answers. But then there are the coffee cart, out of the blue hugs and touches, Jae's comments on Do's live and Do's reactions, Do trying to act indifferent but noticing Jae's emotions and reacting to Jae first most of the times even when it's not his fault (like hitting or chasing him), Jae's quiet or smug enthusiasm about Do (he usually stays on the side these days instead of leading the teasing but when Jae attacks, the content is golden). And the way they talk about e/o in content makes me think they still seem to know e/o well (plus other neos' reactions in some of the content).

I don't expect JaeDo dynamic to be like others, but they are too weird to not notice and make me go ???

Thank you for the long post, anon, it was an interesting read.

JaeDo do a good job at keeping their relationship safe, confusing even long-time fans and shippers. Good for them!

Doyoung. During his lives Do does fanservice in a pretty straightforward way. "Should I put on the glasses? OK, screenshot time, I'll do weird faces for memes. You want me to unbutton my shirt? No, not today. I’ve started the vlive because I’m still wearing the musical make up and I wanted to show it to you." So he still is "real" with the fans but there is still a problem him being afraid to show his real opinions/temper and playing the weak cute guy during programmes. It looks like after the success of MAW he mostly dropped it, thankfully. He allows to be hyper much more often.

Doyoung needs to give love back. As you said, he is pressured with the fans' love. It's not just cold math (there is an element of it, I'm sure), Doyoung feels the need to give back. The only times he really dissapears is when something happens and he is mad at the fans (Jae's scandal being the prime example). Doyoung is happy when everyone in his group is happy. And his fans fall under his responsibility.

I knew a person who juggled a lot of stuff: supervision of a station, solving everyday's problems, group relationships, studying for PhD, a part time job. That person survived on 4-5 hours a day for months. And when I asked why not give up some of the responsibilities or just not care too much, the answer was "I can't". That person had Doyoung's brain type and gave me a good understanding of this urge to do everything by oneself.

Doyoung's is not sacrificial though, if he does a vlive at 3 a.m., it means he still can do it, it's his promise with himself to finish all the tasks on his to do list for the day. After it he can sleep soundly.

Why do you think Do's popularity increased after these two songs? Exposition? Or enought time has passed since his addition to 127?

Jaehyun's popularity is mainly due to his looks. So his absence doesn't influence their number as long as he appears in magazines and commercials. As for the fans who like him for his personality or voice, they are understanding and learn to be content with the rare posts. Afterall, Jaehyun writes very warmly, doesn't skip anniversaries and talks about himself in interviews rather honestly.

[chromium7sky]

Four-eyes| one shot damirae

A/n: I'm trying to stretch up my writing muscle before continuing other work. Sorry for crappy idea and crappy sketches.

Either her reason is to cut off from social interacting or just the aesthetic, Damian can't help find himself staring at her as she held her book close up, almost buried her face in it.

'What's with the pose?' Damian mumbled as he seen her sit at the living room, while other member interacting, playing even asking question while she simply choose to isolate herself by reading book way to close as if she literally pushing everyone away from her.

Damian as usual goes to the table which situated near the window and put down some document and report for him to finish and compiling. Other than patrolling, working on clerical stuff makes him busy.

Growing up training to kill, social were never be in his dictionary but it seems Raven's effort in social distancing is a bit...annoying as he seen her at the corner of his eyes while studying the statistic of how many times someone try to mess up banking system at the city then he decided to focus on his paper.

-------

He remember when the first time he was sent to teen titans by his father much to his dismay, the member seems to display a tiny of fear as they look at him like seeing a nightmare but for raven, she keep calm.

He thought she's different perhaps because she's the daughter of demons (the worst one), she takes no judgement. But still, he need to be cautious towards her.

Perhaps it is one of her trait where she tries to calm down her team mates if there's inner tension happening. If Starfire unable to calm down the fight between two boys especially when involves with him.

One thing he can't be control is him being hard head and stubborn to the point Raven almost sent him to another dimension. Raven's patience are not infinite and he definitely not going to be overboard with his attitude. Therefore, it train him to tolerate some of member attitude as well as how to cooperate and using other member's ability to achieve the objective of the mission.

He does prepare some plan and blueprint towards the teen titans member for tactical study. Beast boy and Wally simply scoffed as they skim up the document like it was nothing. They prefer to wing it in, as what they told Damian which almost makes him lectured them about preparedness and failure is only for people who don't prepare for any consequences.

However, Raven told him, he should lose up a bit and she does say the others are learning from him being better in tactical as she let him to observe the other member closely when they conducting some mission that involved less threat. She pat on his back, simply said " Don't worry, they got it. They learn it from you. " She smiled.

He felt something after he heard it. What is this flutter feeling in his chest?

His face felt some heat. what is happening?

Trying to avoid Raven from seeing his vulnerable state , he simply let out the sigh and step away from her. At the corner of his eyes he saw her face from pleasant smile to surprised.

Sometimes he cursed his past for not knowing the meaning of emotion. All he learn is vengeance and angry. Only those two. As soon as he move in Gotham, he start to learn respect, family love and worries. The feeling after being praised? He still figure it out what is it.

As time goes by, he eventually try to bond the team, helping them become better. "Dude, even though you'relike some sort of gremlin, I guess you are a good person after all!" Beast boy cracked then turn into a Macaque hugging Damian's face much to his disgust after he improved the shapeshifter's suit.

He sighed.

--------

After two years later, he's begin to be comfortable with the team and almost memorize their attitude and personalities. Somehow, he still haven't figure out Raven. When it comes to accomplish the mission, she glide through the air, launching attack and be as enigma and Raven-y as she can, casting fear towards the enemy. He swore he has seen the method before.

As soon as the mission over, she open the portal pulling the team back into teen titans tower like a worm hole short cut and after that the team disperse at the launching pad, getting rest or shower.

At night the team leisuring in living room but Raven spend her time in her room. But this time, Kori ask him to call her because it is the night of mandatory fun.

Damian keeping his composure, nodded and walked towards her room. He knocked three times, then he heard footstep walk towards the door. " What is it, Damian?"

Damian perhaps jolted a bit as he wonder how could she guess him but quickly discarded as he forget that she, is Raven who can read minds and an empath.

"Its Kori. She said it's Mandatory night." Damian simply state the business. Then he heard silent for a while.

"C-could you tell Kori that I'm not coming?" She spoke behind the door.

"I'll inform to her then." Damian nod and walk away. He inform to Kori about it.

"Ah, too bad. I wanted to show this new movie. Guess it's just us then." She smiled.

"I'm not coming too, Kori. I'm afraid if there's any emergency mission, I don't think she could handle it alone." Damian crossed his arms.

"Raven handle a case during valentine day when she was alone." Said Jackson as came up with casual clothes.

"Which she end up crying after she's back from the mission." Damian sneered at the Aqualad.

"I never knew Damian would care so much for a team mate or...are you planning something else?" Beast boy came up after putting his best clothes and his grin.

"Yes, I'm planning to take over the world, once you're back from outside please do inform me how it went so that I could proceed my plan." Damian said sarcastically.

"Ahah, don't worry, D. We'll buy something for ya." Wally pay on his shoulder.

"Just go." He shoved all three of them as Kori are about to leave the room.

---------

Damian now at leisuring room playing cheesy Viking 3 console mode to passed the time. The tower really quiet as four of them gone out excluding Raven and he really appreciate the moment of silence.

Suddenly he heard a fridge door open. Quickly he put the game on pause, and went to the kitchen.

As he coming to the room he saw the girl with bob hair style with dual color hair consist of navy blue with manogany red ending.

' That's must be Raven.' his heart spoke. As he pulled the chair at the kitchen the table, the girl froze.

"Who's there?!" She spun and held her hand that enveloped with purple energy towards him.

Damian simply stood there and so was she.

Both of them froze.

A moment passed, then another.

And...

"You ... wear glasses?" He rose his brow.

Raven with sweaty face, blink a couple of times as she adjusted her glasses with her other hands.

"Damian, what are you doing in here? I thought you follow others to Mandatory day?" Her hands with energy start to dispersed.

"That explain everything." His lips tug aside.

"What?" Raven confused with the answer he gave.

" The book, the pose, the distance." He chuckled. Then, he looks at flustered Raven.

"What do you mean? you still haven't answer my question, Damian Wayne." Raven getting confused.

"Ah, nothing. I decided to stay just in case of emergency mission and all. I Wouldn't let you handle the cases alone." Damian crossed his arm as he sit at the kitchen counter.

"So...you're doubting me?" It was Raven turn arched her brow.

"I'm not saying you're not capable. I'm saying that you'll need some back up. Two heads are better than one, wouldn't it?" Damian lean back at the chair.

"Never knew you would thought of that, that's very kind of you." She smiled. " An improvement too."

Damian clicked his tongue and looked away, but pink tint start to visible on his cheeks and his ears. Ah, again with this feeling.

He clear his throat a couple of times, then a mug set in from of him. "Peppermint ice tea?"

His eyes looked at Raven as she seat in front of him, with glasses and book on her hands. The Flowers of evil, as he observed the title. "Thank you."

As he sip his tea, he stared at the book. "Flowers of Evil?" As he pointed at the book.

"Yeah, might try to read something like old poem." as Raven looked at the book title.

"I could recommend Robert Frost."

"I did read some of his. The Road Not Taken." As Raven sipped her tea.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Raven blink her eyes as she heard his recitation the last verse. "So, do you take it?"

"Take what?"

"The road less traveled by."

Damian looked at her. " This is the road less traveled by." He smirk as he sip the cup.

Raven try to understand that line but Damian simply silent. He's quite enjoy the company he's having now.

"All these time, I've been wonder what's with burying your face in the book." He rest both of his elbow on the table as well as his chin on his propped hand. " Never knew you were actually Four-eyes, metaphorically."

"Are you, mocking me?" Raven furrowed her brows as she put her cup on the table.

"I found you looks more professional in those glasses." He smirked as he stared at her which leads to Raven unknowingly adjusting her glasses as she looked away.

"The glasses is expensive. I lost mine as I bought to mission when I first join the titans, so I tend to leave it at room and I had to use some of my powers to adjust my visions."

"But you could heal them?" Damian's begun to curious.

"Only limited time."

"Did you know there's is laser treatment for that?"

Raven surprised as she heard it. She seems to be thinking but then she put down her cup.

"I'd rather wear glasses than risking my eyes to go blind." She sighed. "Unless I end up become Bran the third eye Raven."

Damian chuckled. She's indeed full of surprises.

"If you lost your glasses again, do tell me. I might know some excellent optometrist to do excellent job."

"Uh, n-no. You don't have to. I.."

"That's what team mate for right? Helping each other?" He smiled. A genuine smile.

She seems stunned by him. Smiling. Damian Wayne is actual smiling.

"Besides, you in glasses, is a rare opportunity and quite pleasant to the eyes." As he get up and goes towards the sink to wash his empty cup. At the corner of his eyes, Raven were blushed hard then adjusting her glasses.

Shit. He cursed under his breath. She IS adorable IN glasses.

#damirae #damian wayne #raven #demonbirds #rachel roth #lol #art #dc #fanart #fanfic #four eyes #glasses #sorry for crappy plot #and crappy drawing #ugh #robin #teen titans #beast boy #wally west #koriandr #starfire #garfield logan #aqualad #jackson hyde #kid flash #teen titans rebirth #teasss #again glasses

[indie-vixen]

✨ Ten Character Tegs ✨

Rules: make a new post, name 10 characters from 10 different fandoms that you like, and then tag 10 people.

Note: I am not part of so many fandoms so I filled the list as much as I could, but I still kept it relevant, considering I absolutely adore everything on the list.

Thank you so much @sherbetcoloured and @dialovers-translations for the tag, I know it may seem like nothing, but I'm actually really happy since I'm still quite new to tumblr ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

⚠️DISCLAIMER⚠️: I'm pretty sure no one will read this BUT just to make sure it is known, this top may include some spoilers. Also, the characters are in no particular order.

.•° ✿ °•.

1. L Lawliet

Death Note was the first anime I have ever watched and I'm actually planning on rewatching it since quite some time passed (about 3-4 years?). I related to L a lot during the anime (especially to the fact that he has a huge sweet tooth) so I was very affected by the scene of his death T^T. And don't get me started on what a genius he was.

2. Matsuoka Rin

To get it started with, I absolutely adore Rin. My phone's theme is with this guy and I absolutely love it. I love how challenging he is, but still kind and caring. His character developmemt from season 1 had me shook to the fullest. Ngl, Free! has a very special place in my heart and made me cry several times through out the whole 3 seasons and the movies. It's just, their friendship is the kind we should all experience, but it gets rarer and rarer to find truly dedicated people. Free! also brought back my love for swimming (I could relate to the characters regarding this as well) so I really hope I get to go to the beach this year as well (considering covid).

3. Sakamaki Shuu

I swear this was the hardest decision in this top. Diabolik Lovers is the only place where I don't have a no. 1, but 3 no. 1's. Shuu, Laito and Subaru are my top favourites and even though I've been in the fandom for nearly 3 months now (wah, so much time passed. About Shuu, I absolutely adore how he's a not so desperate pervert and is so elegant(?) whilst doing it. He knows what he wants and has quite some self control and that's attractive as hell. Not to talk about his voice, that has me w e a k.

4. Jumin Han

I love him. And he's not what the usual me would go for, but I aboslutely adore him. I especially love his character development as well. His 2nd bad ending affected me quite a lot, since I really thought that getting as far as the 9th day meant good ending, but oh boy I was wrong. I was so sad thta I played the Valentine's Day dlc afterwards to cure my broken heart XD. Nonetheless, the good ending was a very nice one, this man is incredible and didn't fail to amaze me regarding the way he announced his and mc's relationship ♡.♡ . The way Sarah and Glam Choi were tricked was pure gold XD

5. Ichinose Tokiya

I'll start by saying that I didn't watch Utapri yet so I can't say a lot about Tokiya and it may sound bad, but I liked him immediately after seeing him for the first time because I thought he physically resembled Jumin >.< (and their personality, likes and dislikes also match?)

However, I really really can't wait to watch Utapri because it honestly seems amazing and I'm super curious of what will happen. (also, the seiyuus tho; ngl I got so much into Mamo after watching Free! And seeing he's Tokiya's seiyuu as well I was shoooook to the fullest; and the intros T^T , I absolutely adore Orpheus)

6. Dazai Osamu

Oh man, Dazai is something else (I know he's also voiced by Mamo, I suppose there may be a pattern going on in here). I absolutely love his personality a lot and added with his looks, he's d e a d l y to me. I have only seen a season and a half so far, but man, his past self was so cruel and it made me realize why many things took the wrong turn (for instance, maybe the way Akutagawa was after Dazai joined the Armed Detective?). The anime is soo good that I can't get enough of it.

7. Vera Nair (Perfumer)

I don't know how many of the people I follow know about Identity V, but I recommend this game from the bottom of my heart. Getting back to Vera, her back story is really interesting and sad; also, her in game skills proved to be useful. Her looks are very nice, though she kind of lacks skins, unfortunately. I remember when I started playing and started adding up clues for her, man that was quite a journey, but I absolutely adore her as a character and I'm not sure how good of a player I'd be without her perfume.

8. Usui Takumi

This boy right here was probably my first anime crush and I regret nothing. He is absolutely stunning and his teasing is amazing. The way he accepts to keep Misaki's secret is genuinely kind and their relationship is everything. I also like the fact that she's not your average anime girl, since she hates boys and is actually feared by them, thing that contributes to the funny side of the anime.

°•. ✿ .•°

This is the most I could put in the top, respecting the rules as much as I could. I couldn't fill it completely. On another note, there were a few other mentions I didn't include. Other favourite characters: from Free!, Makoto, Ikuya, Natsuya, Kisumi; from Mystic Messenger, V/Jihyun; from Bungo Stray Dogs, Atsushi, Ryunosuke, Chuuya, Akiko, Kyouka (and I could go on with most characters); from Identity V, Joseph Desaulnier (Photographer).

I don't think anyone would take the time to read this, but it was really fun and I'm really really thankful I got tagged. I tag @dixlov and @dirtydiabolikloversconfessions , since I'm curious of how they'd do theirs (if they have time, of course).

#diabolik lovers #death note #maid sama #uta no prince sama #bungou stray dogs #mystic messenger #identity v #free! #l lawliet #rin matsuoka #shuu sakamaki #usui takumi #tokiya ichinose #dazai osamu #jumin han #vera nair

[being-worthy]

Sunday Home Cinema: Army of the Dead!!

I haven't done one of these reviews in a long time (thanks to Covid-19 ¬¬) but I'm glad this film was the one to get me back in doing these reviews.

Honestly, I found out about the film about two weeks ago when I clicked on it on YouTube out of curiosity. It looked good and I'm an all big fan of zombie films and series and every zombie-themed film/series, even if it's extremely bad made (e.g. Z Nation but it's so funny to watch).

Sorry for any mistakes or things that make not much sense but I'm writing this at 2.30am and I just wanted to write this down while it's still fresh (I might review it later on if I feel like it).

> SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!! <

Apparently, Zack Snyder's Army of the Dead (here's the trailer), which can be watched on Netflix, is the prequel of Dawn of the Dead from 2004 also directed by him, which was a remake of the George A. Romero classic. I've got a hard time seeing this due to the zombies being so different but well, let's just roll with it.

Scott Ward (played by Dave Bautista) is offered/hired for $50 million by Bly Tanaka (villain/businessman played by Hiroyuki Sanada) to break into a walled Las Vegas after it was overrun by a zombie outbreak starting at the outskirts of the city with patient zero aka alpha zombie Zeus (more to the different zombie types later on) to "apparently" retrieve $200 million that is stashed in a safe at the casino's basement. Basically, it's like Ocean's Eleven but with zombies giving the film a nice touch.

I knew from the moment Tanaka offered Scott this job that there was going to be more to it. Why else would a stinking rich guy like Tanaka need to have a group to retrieve some money when: a. the insurance paid him some of that money back. I know he mentions he can't use it but come on, people like him know how to find either a way around whatever rule there might be or even wash it. And b. he looks like a guy who understands how business works and is well off, so you're telling me he wants to send a group there just for $200 million? B*tch please, I'm sure that's just petty cash to him, and there's surely more to it, especially after one of his goons (Martin) "invites" himself to tag along with the group to "make sure" they get the job done.

If I was offered that kind of money to go to a completely sealed city ruled by zombies, I wouldn't accept it no matter how bad my situation might be. The probability that something might go sideways is too high not to mention the risk that the virus spreads out to the rest of the world, I wouldn’t be able to live with that on my conscience.

In order to pull off this heist Scott assembles a team for the mission:

Vanderohe, the tank and chainsaw man. There'll be a little paragraph for him since his fate doesn't make entirely sense to me.

Marianne Peters, the pilot.

Maria Cruz, the mechanic.

Kate Ward, a volunteer in the quarantine zone. She's Scott's daughter and the only (human) survivor in the film.

Geeta, the mother. She ventures into the zombie-infested Vegas to find money in order to pay for safe passage out of the quarantine zone for herself and her children. I believe she dies in the helicopter crash but we don't see her body, so she might be alive somewhat?

Ludwig Dieter, the thief/safe expert, and I love how he questions everything lol!

Lilly "The Coyote", "the one who knows her stuff" aka zombie expert. Somehow interesting that she's got a conscience/good heart.

Martin, the inside man, and Bly Tanaka's right hand and got the death he deserved by kitten Valentine.

Mikey Guzman, the Sharpshooter and a YouTuber.

Chambers, the muscles and Guzman's sidekick (sort of). Her death was very predictable and her own fault! Girl, why the hell would you tell Martin that you don't trust him directly to his face?! That's such a rookie mistake!!

Burt Cummings, also the muscle for like 5 minutes before turning into the bait/bargain chip for a "deal" with the zombies in order to pass their territory. Overall, he's just a big jerk.

We see the first five people are survivors of the outbreak when Vegas was "freshly" being overrun by zombies and barely made it out of the city before it was completely sealed off. The rest of them are new characters. Almost none of them have any deep character story/feeling/development, most of them are quite plain and you don't care whether they survive or not. I've got also a hard time seeing any father-daughter relationship between Scott and Kate. I get that they haven't talked to each other since Scott had to put down Kate's mother after she got turned into a zombie but if I hadn’t seen the beginning I'd say they're just two strangers who met during the outbreak and he saved her at some point.

I very much like the fact that they introduce different types of zombies! On one hand, we've got the standard zombies aka shamblers who move slowly and are dead if you blow their brains out and if they bite you you become a shambler too. Then, there are the alphas who are fast (so fast that they can dodge bullets), they can also think, take orders, and are very organised. If you're bitten by one you become an alpha too but they also die if they're shot in the head which is easier said than done! We've also got a zombie horse, that's more bone than anything else, and a big tiger kitten called Valentine who used to be part of Siegfried & Roy's show (which also throws in the question, during which year is this movie set? They've both already passed away and they haven’t been retired from the entertainment world for a while before they passed away, and we see Tanaka carrying a modern mobile, so it must be during the past 2-3 our years.)

Their leader is patient zero aka Zeus who we see at the beginning being transported by a convoy of soldiers from Area 51 to somewhere else but never makes it there because he breaks free due to part of the convoy crashing into a car of a recent married (while the guy gets a blowjob and doesn’t watch the road!). He also takes the Bride as his queen (later on she's beheaded and her head still alive), who we see to be pregnant!! HOLY COW!! This throws in sooo many questions! For instance, how do zombies reproduce? The same way as we humans? What will the baby look like? Full zombie? A hybrid, half-human half-zombie? What power would they have? Do I even want to know or see this? Probably. Probably not. How many times did I wish they'd have introduced something like this in TWD (before I stopped watching it). At some point the virus that makes people zombies is supposed to mutate, every virus mutates at some point. We did already see a zombie baby in Dawn of the Dead but that was different since the woman was already in the late stages of pregnancy when she got bit. This one was one that was produced from zombie sex. I’ve got a feeling that their sex must be quite violent to say the least. Also, they way how the care for each other, especially Zeus for his Bride and child and seeks vengeance for both their deaths showing they’re capable of feeling and caring for their people. Maybe, just maybe want to find a way to survive without having to turn people but I think they’ll still need humans as a source of food. I don’t think they’re capable to live from eating normal food.

I've to make a special mention about Vanderohe. Besides, the fact that he's very attractive, there are a few things that don't make entirely sense to me.

He survives the nuclear blast of Las Vegas since he was looked inside the safe, which I can see being possible but (a little more possible than Indiana Jones seeking shelter in an old-fashioned fridge from a nuclear blast in Indiana Jones and Kingdom of Crystal Skull)... the whole city was nuked! And I mean big smoke of mushroom nuke! So, shouldn't the place, I don't know, be radioactive or something like that? And shouldn’t he find the nearest decontamination shower? Furthermore, it doesn't make sense that he gets infected, i.e. bitten. He gets into a fight with Zeus while they're in front of the safe and I watched that part several times and in slow motion too and we don't see Zeus bit him. There's one time where Zeus almost bites him but his teeth don't end up sinking into the flesh. He has Van in his hold, dislocates his right shoulder, and almost bites him there but only almost! In that same moment, Dieter hits Zeus in the head and pulls Van into the safe closing the door behind him (and most likely gets killed/turned by Zeus). I repeat there's no "visible" scene of Van being bitten by Zeus or any other zombie in another scene. So, where the f*ck did he get the bite and from who? I've also read that there's a theory of Van being immune because he's not turning as quick as the soldiers at the beginning of the movie when Zeus escapes the convoy (he still might be able to infect others though). He starts to feel lightheaded/dizzy and his body feels cold to the touch on the plane, and around the bite we see the veins turning black but that's it.

As much as I love the concept of the movie, it's very predictable as well as easy to figure out who makes it out alive and who makes it out the other kind of "alive" and it also reminded me a bit of Resident Evil (the first film was good and the rest just a waste). Tanaka wanting a fresh sample of an Alpha to make a virus that enables him to create an army of zombies he can control and take over the world. He could be Wesker's twin and his company the equivalent of the Umbrella Corporation. It's worth to watch but it doesn't compare to other zombie films such as 28 Days Later or even Dawn of the Dead (the classic and newer version), and many others.

#army of the dead #zack snyder #netflix #netflix original #sunday home cinema #honest review #film night #movie night #the ending makes no sense