#i have a weird brain (obvious) i have an anxious brain (less obvious)

[merevide]

me trying to remind myself that my brain makes things worse than they actually are and things are actually never that serious

#this has been in my drafts for a while but i keep scrolling down to come back to it sooo why not #but also it’s like. things will never b okay again i should just curl up and die. yknow #i have a weird brain (obvious) i have an anxious brain (less obvious) #bc all the posts i have of me freaking go to the drafts it’s semi good vibes and music and posts around here #yes. i let things slip. i rant too much. but it’s also like. half of the time me freaking out isn’t even warranted and things actually turn #ok. idk i don’t have a support system that can calm me down like that so i also get to freak and be my own rock. fun #it rarely works tho. usually after like an hour i go make food or play video games or read to distract myself #like below this post in the drafts is me on one of my depressive rants. blegh. but it’ll b ok #my text

[rosewould]

one way; cbg

part i | part ii | part iii

🖱️⤻ pairing; afab!reader x beomgyu 🖱️⤻ word count; 6.9k 🖱️⤻ genre; enemies 2 enemies, smut, & angst 🖱️⤻ synopsis; you liked soobin but he didn't like you back. you've come to terms with this and moved on, but beomgyu hasn't. he's very sure he's onto you 🖱️⤻ warnings; hate sex, mean!gyu, slut shaming, breath play, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, post orgasm torture (beomgyu rec), dubcon (just in case), blood (nothing crazy at all), pain play, breast play, biting, hair pulling, choking, spitting, unrequited crush, failed confession, you might hate mc?, takes a while for beommie to appear

⌨️⤻ this was very similar to stress relief, I'm aware. That's why it's not a two parter (liar) or a taehyun fic. alsoo while writing this I couldn't stop thinking about what the sex sounded like outside the door. Imagine soobin eavesdropping and being like "????"

"I think it sounds a little empty here." Soobin chews on his thumbnail as he fixates on the monitor in front of him. The LED lights in his room splash warm purple behind him. The bright desktop illuminated his upper body. His brows were furrowed, jaw clenching and unclenching. Eyes sharp as he examined the screen. Looking just as enchanting as ever.

"When in doubt, dump in some harmonies and background vocals. That's my motto, at least." You mumble, almost like a zombie. Your brain was on autopilot as you stared at him for way too long.

"Yeah, you said that already." Soobin laughs before looking over at you. Your eyes widen like a deer caught in headlights. He can sense the awkwardness as he focuses back on the screen.

"I feel like I'm harmonied out. I have no clue what to put here that doesn't sound repetitive."

You stare blankly at the screen. It took some genuine effort not to look at him again. You didn't want him to think you were weird, but the warm feeling you got whenever you looked at him was intoxicating.

"I dunno, I usually just test shit out until something sticks. I'm not professional, I just kinda wing it."

"I wouldn't say that. I've heard your work. You sound pretty professional to me."

Your heart begins beating prominently in your chest. Gulping, you try your damnedest not to look over at him even though it feels like you could explode. You can't tell whether this feeling sucked or was euphoric. You clench your fists over your jeans.

"A-are you okay? Are you feeling ill??" Soobin leans closer to you, worry evident in his voice.

"I'm okay..." your voice came out quieter than you intended to.

"Ah..." Soobin sounded a bit disheartened, so you peer over at him. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, but you swore you could see a hint of disappointment. Maybe that was just you being needlessly anxious again about every seemingly negative reaction someone might be having towards you.

Your suspicion only grew as time went on. He joked around with you less. He seemed really tense. His sentences were shorter. He barely ever made eye contact with you.

This continued for two weeks. You weren't sure you could take this much longer. You were losing sleep. Did you weird him out that day? Or could he see right through you and felt uncomfortable with your obvious crush? Either way, it was stressing you out to a worrying degree. This had to end.

You texted him to meet you on the roof of your apartment complex. It was obscured from anyone below with a camera and crazy zoom, and it'd be obvious if anyone followed the two of you. It was time to finally find out what the hell was going on. You were still stressed out, but a part of you was foolishly excited.

You even had a sweet dream that he accepted your confession. High off the wonderful feeling that dream gave you, you were all smiles. Nervous smiles, but smiles nonetheless. You sit on the floor next to the door when your jittery nerves came to be too much. Your ears perk up when the door clicks open. You shoot up, smoothing your hands over your clothes. Behind the door is Soobin, brows knit together in clear stress.

"Hi, sorry if you were busy." You smile at him, movement a bit frantic as you bow.

"No it's fine, this will be quick." Soobin's expression is stern, yet he fails to meet your eyes.

Your heart drops, mouth hanging agape. You stand there wordlessly, your hands fidgeting with each other. It felt like a dark cloud loomed over you, suddenly blocking out the sun. You already knew what he meant by that, and what he was going to say. Should you run? No...

You smile bitterly. "Ah, I see. You don't have to say anything else. I understand."

When Soobin finally looks at you, a dim feeling of hope sparks up. You immediately extinguish the feeling.

"Listen," You clear your throat, pushing down the growing feeling of mortification and sadness, "You don't have to worry about me anymore, or I guess my feelings. I know that you still need my help with the new song. I can be professional about that. If I ever make you feel uncomfortable again, just let me know, okay?" You force a wider smile. A part of you hoped that he would accept the offer to still work with you in case he changed his mind.

"Oh! Um... okay. I'm not sure about working with you again just yet." Soobin trails off, pity evident in his voice.

Of course. He can see right through you, you idiot.

"You're right. It's selfish of me to even think that would be a possibility." You laugh awkwardly, shifting the weight from one leg to the other. "Don't worry about it. You know my number so you can call me if you need anything. You don't have to worry about me having ulterior motives."

--🖱️▷

You stare at the screen of your phone, the blue light illuminating your face in your otherwise dark room. You go through your photos and delete any pictures of or with Soobin. Just when you guys would've gotten close, you screwed things up with your stupid crush. Now on top of everything Soobin had to deal with, he has to worry about someone who has constant access to him making him uncomfortable. Mr. Park would most likely make the two of you work together again against his will. You should know how this feels, yet you behaved around him so recklessly.

The following morning your manager wakes you up earlier than normal.

"It's a Soobin day, let's go!"

You freeze, eyes wide in shock.

"Soo–? I thought I was off today." Your voice is gruff. You didn't need this stress so early in the morning.

"Mr. Park says that Soobin hasn't been making much progress with his song."

Yeah, you know. It's all your fault.

"He's gonna have the two of you work together more often."

You scratch at your head. This was gonna be difficult to explain, but you tried anyway.

"I'm sorry, my manager woke me up really early this morning, that was the first time I've heard of this."

"No, no! It's fine, I understand. I don't think you're up to something." Soobin waves his hands frantically in front of him, eyes wide.

"Okay, good." You wipe imaginary sweat from your forehead.

"Let's get started."

You and Soobin were back to normal... almost. You could tell he was still a bit wary. He kept side-eyeing you, and it was a lot more awkward. You couldn't blame him, you were thirty percent sure there were still buried feelings. They don't go away that easily. You sigh as the track plays which causes Soobin to quickly pause it.

"What? Is there something wrong??" Soobin was just as frantic as always. You chuckle. "No, all I did was sigh."

His anxious disposition fades as he begins to laugh. "Don't scare me like that."

You both laugh before fading back into that damn awkward state.

"Listen, thank you for being understanding. I know how hard it can be to like someone and be turned down." Soobin says, a hint of guilt in his voice. You look over at him in shock. "You experienced unrequited love? Who are they? Are they blind?"

Soobin looks away, clearly flustered again.

"Oh! Sorry. Too soon? I probably sound crazy." You look away, cheeks hot.

"Y-you don't. It's fine, don't worry about it." The tone of Soobin's voice sounds like he's disappointed. Again.

The atmosphere became ten times more awkward than it was before. You have to take it slow. You really value Soobin as a friend. You can fix this. Seeing Soobin more often was actually perfect for you. You couldn't avoid him forever, so might as well rip the bandaid off now. You look in your bathroom mirror, rinsing off your mask.

Looking into your own reflection, you repeat I like Soobin and that needs to change.

You plant your hands firmly on your sink, taking a deep breath. You close your eyes, reflecting on your situation. You have to sit in such close proximity to Soobin. Feeling his warmth. Smelling his scent. Seeing his smile, ugh those fucking dimples. You inhale shakily, clenching your eyes shut as you start to imagine Soobin closing in on you. Soaked in hues of red, green, and blue. His face so close that your noses touch.

You force your eyes open, slapping yourself across the face. This isn't going well. If you were a normal human being, you'd be able to just put yourself on the market, go on blind dates, and meet guys at bars. No, instead you had to practice 12 hours a day. Eat rabbit food. Endure this torture.

You ball your hands into fists and squeeze them tightly, nails embedded into your palm. For a moment you really considered quitting. Quitting everything. They're taking way too long to finally stick you into a group anyway. All while still capitalizing on your pre-existing fame.

You place your head into your hands, sighing heavily. You shouldn't quit. You've come this far, and your manager says that debut is very close.

That's what you have to focus on. Debuting. Yeah, your crush on Soobin could get him in big trouble, but what about you? Your dreams haven't even started, yet you were about to throw them away because of some boy? You look up from your hands and into the mirror.

"I'm ___." You repeat as you look into the mirror. "I'm ___!"

--🖱️▷

You confidently walk into Soobin's room. He looks up, face changing from shock to confusion.

"You look... comfy." Soobin remarks. You rest your hands on your hips, smiling goofily.

"I noticed that you're always dressed in comfy clothes so I decided 'what the heck'," You plop into the chair next to his, "and now that I've done so I understand why you do.".

He can't help but laugh at your strange confidence. "Did you eat some good food or something?" Soobin asks, opening his music editing software.

"No, I'm not you." You scoff, rolling closer to the computer. "Let's get this song finished!"

And finish you did, the song sounds better than you anticipated coming into this. It was all thanks to one method you stuck to. Whenever you felt your heart swelling, you thought about one of the things you disliked about him. You had a whole list full.

He was very soft, which is something you would also say is a pro. However, what if you come home after a shitty day and wanted to blow off some steam? You may not get much dick nowadays, but you still know what you need to get off. Missionary ain't cutting it. After thinking about his first con, they just came naturally. These were things you shoved into the back of your mind to prevent your pristine view of him from being sullied. Now, it's what you needed. Seeing him as the bossy mom friend who's a bit stuck up sometimes really helped.

A week was all Soobin needed to realize things were back to normal. Instead of the uncomfortable amount of compliments you threw at him, so eager to please, you were a lot blunter. Even a bit too blunt sometimes. Soobin wasn't complaining, it was what he was used to with his members.

Soobin was comfortable with you again and his members started to get closer to you as well.

"The song sounds amazing. Thank the lord, Soobin's rough draft was so horrible." Yeonjun tilted his chin into the air to prevent the food in his mouth from spilling while he spoke. Laughter erupts around you, even from Soobin who's scratching the back of his head.

"I didn't want to say anything... but yeah it was pretty bad." You nod, hissing at your own honesty.

"You didn't want to say anything because you had a crush on him." Beomgyu mutters, stirring his drink. The rest of the members point and laugh at you as you sit there, shocked. You had grown accustomed to the jokes, growing a thick skin after it wasn't as topical. To say it out loud would be a level of confrontation you weren't ready for, but you were pretty sure Beomgyu wasn't saying it in a joking manner. A part of you thought that he was actually putting you on the spot for some reason. But he was Beomgyu, he was a goofball. Plus, it's not like you still had a crush on Soobin.

"Beomgyu, I'm starting to feel like you don't like me or something." You laugh to offset any suspicions of an accusation, but you dart your eyes at him to watch his reaction. When you see his straight face staring back at you, your smile drops.

"What's up with this atmosphere?" Taehyun asks nervously.

"I just got chills..." Kai adds, cowering away from Beomgyu as if he was omitting cold air. Beomgyu ignores his members, taking a sip from his drink and keeping his eyes on you.

"I'm sorry about Beomgyu, I'm not sure what his problem is." Soobin sighs once you're back in his room. The two of you didn't even have a song to produce anymore, you were just enjoying each other's company.

"It's fine. Why are you even apologizing, you didn't do it." You snort as you nudge his arm. What you really wanted to say is that you understood Beomgyu's issue. If you said that out loud, you were scared that Soobin would think there was something to worry about, and there isn't. So you keep it to yourself and keep your distance from Beomgyu.

You did a pretty good job, only saying hi whenever you guys were in a room alone. Ignoring how he stared blankly at you and ignored your greeting. Laughed at his "jokes" that were just thinly veiled attacks on your character. Even though you remained friendly, you made sure not to stay in a room with him too long. Scurrying out before the members could leave you alone with him. You thought this would work in your favor, but it seemed like he was growing colder. His "jokes" no longer had a veil. He was just straight-up accosting you. 

"It must be nice cooped up in Soobin's room alone where no one can call you out on your shit." His words seeped into your veins and slowly poisoned you. All with a little smug smile on his face.

"Beomgyu! Cut it out!" Soobin stands up, fed up with his accusations. You raise your hands, signaling for Soobin to calm down and sit back in his chair. "It's fine-" You say quietly.

"No, it's not! If you've got something to say then say it." Soobin cuts his eyes at the younger male. Finally, the anger that Beomgyu was feeling the entire time was reflected on his face. His face twisted in resentment and a bit of pity. He scoffs.

"You're the second oldest, yet you're so naïve." 

Soobin grips the younger male by his shirt and you have to physically pry him off. "Soobin! Stop!"

"You should be saying this to him not me!" He looks at you in disbelief before turning his attention back to Beomgyu. "You think you know what you're talking about but you don't. Stay out of our business."

"Maybe you think I don't." Beomgyu keeps his eyes trained on Soobin as his finger points toward you. "But she does. Why else do you think she hasn't stuck up for herself." 

All of the members look at you with confusion in their eyes. You gulp, feeling like you were standing in a dark room with one lone spotlight beaming down on you. 

"I-I... I just... I don't want to cause any trouble-"

"Bullshit." He spat before leaving the room. He had a right to be worried about his friend, and that's why you didn't say anything. You didn't realize how guilty that made you look, though. The members keep their eyes on you, carefully watching as you fiddle with your fingers. 

"I'm sorry... I really was trying to prevent any conflict," You sigh, failing to properly explain yourself, "I just keep digging a deeper hole."

"No, I know you more than he does. I can say confidently that I know you're not scheming behind my back. He's just a stubborn little brat." Soobin huffs, still fuming from the exchange.

Without his members staring you down your brain was quieter. Able to focus on all your worries more vividly in turn. You squeeze your eyes shut. "I don't want to come in between you guys. Please talk to him once you both calm down."

"He's the one that needs to–"

"Please? He's just looking out for you because he cares about you." You press your lips into a thin line, hoping it’s not too late.

-🖱️▷

"We talked and he wants to speak to you alone." annoyance is evident in Soobin's features as he stares at his monitor. Clenching his jaw, but this time not in concentration.

"R-really? Why?"

"I don't know." He throws his arms in the air, dropping them back to the desk shortly after. "He just insisted on trusting him. I don't."

You hug your body with a troubled expression tugging at your features. It really sucked hearing that he doesn't trust Beomgyu. That he trusts you more. He's only known you for less than a year. He's known Beomgyu for at least four. They were pretty close before you came along, and the thought of you ruining their relationship made you feel horrible. All because of a stupid crush.

"I'll talk to him."

Soobin tries to talk you out of it, insisting that you did nothing wrong and that he needs to stop being an asshole. You try to look for another way to explain how you feel but come up short. You sigh, deciding to reveal your thoughts. "If hanging out with you guys is ruining your relationship, I’d rather stay away altogether."

Soobin’s annoyance at Beomgyu fades after your confession. His words escape his brain as quickly as they appear. He’s realizing now how horrible it must feel to come in between friends. 

“I want to fix this.” You add on, hoping he’ll come around. You chew on your lip, tightening your arms around your body as Soobin deliberates. He releases a hefty sigh.

"Okay. I understand." There’s a hint of stubbornness still lingering but he forces it to the wayside. You notice his inner turmoil and pat him on his back before standing up from your chair. He tells you that Beomgyu's in his room alone. You knock on the door and a tight voice beckons you in. When you slowly open it, you see Beomgyu at his computer. 

"Close the door behind you." he says, not looking your way. His brows are furrowed, and you can’t tell if it’s because he’s aggravated or focused. You oblige, waiting for him to say something. He stands from his computer chair wordlessly and crosses his arms before you. 

"I think you should stop coming around here." the words leave his mouth like they were nothing. Your heart drops, but you really didn't want to argue.

"I don't agree, Beomgyu." Though you know leaving might be the only option if all else fails, you selfishly still want to be here. You enjoy their company.

"So you think you've done nothing wrong?" he derides and you groan. "I never said that. I did make Soobin uncomfortable in the past and I was wrong for doing so." You finally say the words out loud and even after all this time they weigh on you. You hope it’s enough but looking at the determination on his face, you know it’s not.

"So you understand that it's fucked up that we should even worry about this? You even have the other members worried now.” His words are harsh and he puts no effort into sugarcoating them with his tone or expression. His eyes beat down on you as he hurls the words at you. 

They give you pause, reconsidering your dynamic with the other until now. “They what? That can’t be right.” They seemed a little awkward yesterday after Beomgyu’s accusation, but it couldn’t be that serious. Your face pinches, trying to clear your thoughts but he keeps bombarding you with his onslaught of attacks.

“And what about you avoiding me? It’s obvious you’re hiding from the truth.” He crowds you until you’re backed against the wall. “N-no it’s because–”

“It’s obvious you’re guilty, but now there’s no running away. It’s time to tell the truth about your motives and leave us the fuck alone.” You flinch at his words, a glint of fire starting behind your eyes without your consent.

“I keep avoiding you because you’re a fucking asshole who’s constantly shitting on me.” You clench your eyes shut as you shoot the words at him. You really didn't want to feed into to this. You throw your fists against the wall behind you, heaving as more frustration fills you up before you can stop it. Beomgyu steps away to chuckle and you get a moment to breathe. But then he’s back to hovering over you with a glare as cold as ice. 

“I’m a what?”

All you can do is breathe him in and look at him, he’s giving you no other choice. When your eyes wander he just moves back into your line of vision. Is this how he intends to get his way? “You’re an asshole–”

“I’m an asshole for telling you how it is?” He steps closer until he’s completely immersed in your bubble. The look of confusion on his face illustrates just how stupid he thinks you sound. You try to speak again but he interrupts you for the umpteenth time. 

“Just leave. No one wants you here.”

“You don’t want me here! You can’t force me not to hang out with my friends.” You shoot back incredulously. 

“Oh, your friends, right? It’s not that you’re so lonely and desperate for a boyfriend that you’re following Soobin around? You look pathetic, and just know that when Soobin gets tired of you, none of us are gonna jump to take his place.” The feeling of his breath fanning over your face fans the flames of your rage. Never in your life had someone said something so disrespectful to your face and barely blink an eye.

“How dare you–”

“You’re not gonna find a boyfriend here.” He sneers, smirking down at you like you’re a joke.

“Stop fucking interrupting me!” You erupt, shoving against his chest. He barely moves and he’s still all you can smell and see and hear. You can’t get away from his relentless attacks. He’s telling you to leave and yet he won’t back up so that you can breathe. “Soobin finished the song and yet you’re here all the time, hoping he’ll let you hop on his dick–”

Seeing red, you cock back before striking him across the face. The impact is louder than you expect, your anger had gotten the best of you. In the dim lighting of his room, you can still tell that you left a red mark on his cheek. This was really bad, if they didn’t think you were guilty before, they did now. Even Soobin would have to see Beomgyu’s side now. Before you can apologize or even fully panic your body is being shoved into the wall. He holds your hands above your head as a vein in his jaw quirks.

Your anger is instantly back in place. “Let me go.” You warn with your voice low.

“I didn’t think you had it in you.” There he goes, crowding you even further until his forehead is touching yours. You didn’t think it was possible for you to get this angry. You still for a moment as you connect the dots. He’s goading you. It’s evident by the sly smile on his face. Now all his members will see you as unhinged and Soobin will be broken free from the spell Beomgyu’s convinced you have him under. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you? What have I ever done to you?” You rip your arms free only for him to grab your wrists again and hold them tighter this time.

“You’re just another one of those sneaky girls who try to weasel their way into our lives. You pretend to be all innocent, only wanting to be friends, and then you show your true colors. Just another desperate trainee. And you,” He gathers your wrists into one of his large hands before poking your forehead with his finger, “you keep sticking around like a parasite and actually managed to fool them. But I’m not stupid. I know a tacky groupie when I see one.”

You weren’t like that at all. You genuinely enjoyed their company and you weren’t even a fan beforehand. Even if you were, your feelings for Soobin were real. They weren’t built off of delusion, you fell for who he was as a person. Beomgyu has the power to paint you out as a crazed fan who managed to sneak past their defenses and the thought scared you. This wouldn’t just ruin your relationship with Soobin, if it gets back to your manager or any executives at the company you could get in serious trouble. You could possibly kiss debuting goodbye.

“You’re wrong and you’re too stubborn to see it. You refuse to listen to anyone, even your own leader!” You should probably lighten your tone but you were through trying to appeal to him. 

“I’m stubborn? Says the one who can’t take no for an answer.”

“I did take no for an answer! You weren’t even there so how would you know?!”

“Soobin told us about you continuing to try afterward, you know?” 

Your fire is snuffed out in a singular whoosh of air that whips through you. Your mouth drops open, but there are no rebuttals you have prepared to throw back at him. Imagining Soobin venting to his members about how annoying you are strikes a chord so sour you could cry. “Everyone knows how embarrassing you are.” He snickers and chips away at your dwindling composure. 

His face is so close, you can feel the skin on his nose and his forehead when he leans closer to tempt you over that edge. You can smell his lotion, his toothpaste, his makeup, his cologne. It’s just him everywhere and you want it to stop. Your brain is overloaded and you’re blinded by your rage. You want to do something to him, something to ruin his face and his skin, but the message gets screwed up somewhere amidst your heightened emotions. 

You crush your lips against his and he staggers backward only for a moment before freeing your hands and pushing you against the wall again. You suck harshly on his bottom lip and to make things more absurd, he lets you. Whether this was strengthening his case against you or not was entirely lost on you. You wanted to grab him, choke him, something. With a gasping breath you grip the nape of his hair and tug hard, sinking your teeth into his flesh. You pull back with hot tears dripping from your lashes as you glare up at his dark eyes. “I hate you.” You whisper shakily.

He heaves for a few seconds before initiating the kiss himself. His lips, his tongue, his teeth, you feel him everywhere just kissing and licking and biting you. It burns you so hot you think you’ll ignite. He draws your lip back with his teeth, biting hard enough to draw blood and a sharp shriek from you. You yank his head back by his hair and he grunts. 

“You fucking bitch.” He hisses, exposing his hatred for you clear as day. You slap him again which makes his eyes go wild before he’s grabbing you by your shirt. The sound of the fabric ripping is loud and you gasp. You can’t get a word in before he’s ripping the front of your bra in half and his brutish hands are fondling your breasts. His lips are softer when he catches yours this time but only because he’s focused on sinking his nails into your flesh. You moan into his mouth, ashamed of how much the pain he’s causing is turning you on. 

One hand grabs his face while the other grabs his neck. You drag your nails down his cheekbone and push your fingertips into each side of his neck. He inhales shallowly before restraining your arms again. With his grip on your wrists he yanks you closer. “If you know what’s good for you, you’d cut that out.” He growls, lip snarling and breath ragged. “You already put your hands on me three times and this time you left a mark. You’re not very bright, are you?” He asks as if he’s genuinely puzzled.

You poke your bottom lip out with your tongue. “You left a mark too, jackass. And how are you gonna explain my bra and shirt, huh? It’s my word against yours.” You breathe into a cocky laugh. 

“They won’t believe you. I told you, they’re getting suspicious of you.” He’s putting up a front but you can tell he’s not confident in that theory. You try and tug your wrists free. “Well then let me go and let’s find out.”

“You’re really willing to ruin your career before it even starts?” He’s getting progressively more anxious which makes you smirk. His hand shoots up before you can make a snide remark, wrapping around your throat. He squeezes hard immediately, his thumb digging uncomfortably into your muscles. Your mouth drops open as you squirm against the wall. Your free hands grip his shirt and perplexingly pull him closer. “Shut the fuck up.” He watches you intently as you gradually lose oxygen, waiting a little after you start to panic before letting you go. 

Your hands are instantly back in his hair and pulling him forward so your mouths crash together. Your noses bump and teeth clink but it only makes the both of you more riled up. You tug his head backward, not detaching from the kiss as you push him to his computer chair. He trips and falls into it and you fall on top of him. Your hips start rutting against him and he groans into the kiss. His fingers find your nipples again and he squeezes until pain shoots down your legs. He continues to pinch harder and harder until you’re making pained whimpers and more tears spring to your eyes. 

Irked, you grab his face and squish his cheeks, lifting from the kiss to lick up the blood on his cheeks. You grind down on him with a shuddering breath when he starts to twist your sore nipples. “I wanna make you bleed again.” You laugh, officially brought to hysterics by the man below you.

“Hit me or scratch me again and you’ll regret it.” His voice is deeper than before and you can feel him growing under you. Before you felt ashamed but now you can see the vision. You ride his cock, shove him so deep inside you that his mind goes blank. He cums but you don’t stop. You just keep milking him until his eyes roll back and the only noises he can make are strained groans. The idea translates to pleasure that has you shoving a hand down to unbutton his jeans.

“See?” He raises his hands in the air, watching you fish his cock from his pants. “I knew you were a desperate slut.” You grip his shaft and pull a salacious sound from his throat. He grabs you by the throat and pulls your ear by his mouth.

“All because you feel worthless without a celebrity to cling onto.” He whispers before licking your earlobe into his mouth and sinking his teeth into it. For a moment, your anger drains and his words dawn on you. You almost believe him. You huff a derisive laugh and you don’t even know if it’s at Beomgyu or yourself. Beomgyu is everything Soobin isn’t. It’s a con and disappointingly a pro. He’s impolite, impulsive, and hard-headed… but as you stare into his sharp glare you start to understand your eagerness to sit on his cock. Soobin was easy to swallow but Beomgyu’s intricate eyes spare you no pity or comfort. “I don’t care as long as I cum by the end of it.”

“You can insult me all you want,” You stand from the chair and shimmy your sweats and underwear off while still maintaining eye contact. “but I know who I am.” You climb back on his lap, positioning him at your entrance before grabbing his shoulders with a smirk. 

“Nice character development. Finally accepting you’re a groupie.”

You brush his jab off with a scoff. There’s no way either of you can make a case against the other without painting you both as insane. His crusade against you was paused at the moment. You have him right where you want him. “I’m not. I’m ___.” You smile. 

Beomgyu immediately laughs at your proclamation, shifting to a hiss when you sink down on him. He grabs hold of your hips to take control and increase the speed. “You’re fucking me while claiming to hate me. Something isn’t adding up.” He tries to bite back but the sound of your pussy sliding over his cock makes him mutter a swear.

“You may be a superstar out there, but in here? Right now? You’re just a tool for me to get off.”

He moves both hands back up to your throat, giving you back the reigns as you laugh triumphantly. “That’s right. I like it when you’re rough with me.” You squeeze out before swirling your hips in circles. His resolve crumbles more and more as you ride him and it’s a delight to watch. He chokes you harder, familiarly squeezing until your vision spots out before releasing and letting you gasp and sputter. “You like that?”

“Uh huh.” You fake a whimper, making a show of how your hips swing. Knowing exactly how to rile him up, you slap him again. Seeing the anger flare up you get a rush, reveling in the slap he delivers back. “The fuck did I tell you?”

You spit on his face and he snatches your hips up again. He starts slamming his cock into you with a vice grip on you, digging his fingertips deep into the flesh of your ass. You yelp involuntarily before covering your mouth.

“What? Worried they’ll hear you and confirm what you were after all along?” He spreads your cheeks wide, peeking over your shoulder to watch how your asshole flutters. Even if you cover up your moans, there’s no way they don’t hear his balls smacking against your ass from in the hallway. You think– hope you’re hallucinating when you hear the door click open.

“Okay guys, what is–” Soobin’s voice cuts off with a surprised noise. You turn your head as far as you can and catch him covering your bottom halves with his hand. “I guess this means you guys made up now?” He asks, stress laced into his words for an entirely different reason. 

Neither of you answer, you just gawk at Soobin until he rolls his eyes and closes the door. You stay stuck there for a moment until it occurs to you. A wide smile stretches across your face as you turn to face Beomgyu again. He shoots you an annoyed look. “What?”

“You can’t sabotage me anymore. Who’s gonna take you seriously now?” 

“If anything you’re proving my point. In their eyes you just managed to seduce me instead of Soobin.”

“Is that what happened?” You grab his face and smush it with a mocking coo. “I seduced the big bad wolf?” He shakes his face free from your grip and squeezes your ass again. “I guess we’ll see, huh, Beommie?”

You moan out when he slams you down to meet his thrusts. “Trying to shut me up?” Your eyes threaten to roll back feeling his cock in your stomach. You curse under your breath, trying to steady yourself on his shoulders. “It won’t work.”

You throw challenge after challenge hoping he’d get as brutish as you want him to. He hisses at you to shut up but you just talk over him until his lip snarls and he’s yanking you by your hair over to the bed. He tosses you against the side of it before lifting you by your torso and shoving you face down into the mattress. “I told you to shut up.” He growls.

“Fuck me Beommie.” You peer to the side to purr but he shoves your face back into his covers. He realigns himself before restraining your wrists behind your back with one hand. The messy position has one of your legs dangling off the bed but Beomgyu doesn’t fix it, he just slams into you. He shoves you further into the mattress, making sure to keep his hand on the back of your head to keep you quiet. You curl your toes as his dick shoots deep inside you in a relentless pursuit to pound your cervix. Your oxygen starts to run dry again and your eyes fully roll back as you thrash against him. Just a second longer feels like an eternity as you panic for air but he eventually pulls you back up.

“You fucking dick.” You breathe after a harsh fit of coughs.

“Still got shit to say?” He shoves your head back down and slows his hips. Each slam makes your legs twitch until your entire body is trembling like a cold puppy. His cock fucking you full so many times has you overstimulated before even cumming. But it crashes down upon you once your oxygen runs just about dry. You jolt violently with an intense climax and as a warning that he needs to pull you up. He does so, holding you up by your hair as you tremble and clench around his cock. “That’s right, just stay quiet and cum on my dick.”

With all the strength you can muster after your high, you break free from his grip and flip around. He struggles to restrain you and your struggle back until he’s pushing your legs by your head and you reach to grab him and catch his shirt. You yank him closer and capture his lips in a messy kiss. You catch his lip this time and bite down on it as he sinks back into you. You let go and let him drive his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues wrestle, sharing your wanton moans as his cock melts into your hot, wet hole. 

You can tell it’s getting to him when his moans get needier. You slip your legs under his arms and wrap them around his hips. You push him further into you, watching his face clench as he’s fully submerged in you. You press your core flush against him and grind your hips into him. You’re dripping so much it’s leaking onto his bed and he can feel it on the tops of his thighs. With one stuttering ‘fuck’ you know he’s gone so you suck on his tongue until his hips are smacking harshly into yours. Each trembling jerk of his hips shoots another ribbon of semen onto your walls. He tries to draw back but you’re holding him still with your legs.

“P-please–”

“Does it hurt, Beommie?” You moan, grinding your hips again. His face clenches tighter as unrestrained moans pour from his ruined lips. You wish to ruin them more but he looks so sexy when he’s in pain. You give him the same languid swing of your hips as you did riding him and watch the sweat roll down his forehead. “I can’t, I can’t–”

With a loud grunt he slams into you again, burying his head in your shoulder. The high of your perceived win over Beomgyu drives you to your actual high as you cum around him again. You keep your shaky legs locked around him until an urgent wail fills your ears and your pussy is being filled again. "Please! Please!" You intend on keeping him locked in longer but he pries your legs off him.

You waste no time pushing him off of you and peeling off your tattered shirt and bra. You use the fabric of your t-shirt to wipe off your legs and your mound. Beomgyu comes up behind you to yank the shirt from your hands, glaring at you as he does so. He cleans up his member and thighs before tossing the shirt.

“Get out.”

“My pleasure. Are we still telling them our sides or…”

“Just get out. You better not still be here when I get out of the shower.” He ties a towel around his hips and bumps your shoulder as he walks past. You steal a pair of sweatpants and a shirt for now, planning to return it as soon as possible because the thought of having his clothes in your wardrobe made you physically ill.

As it stands, he still tried to sabotage you and Soobin’s friendship and possibly your career, but it seems he admitted defeat. You glance at his mirror on your way out. Just as you thought, you know exactly who you are.

likes and reblogs are very appreciated! 🖱️⤻ txt masterlist

#800 #I keep laughing bc I imagine a vine boom every time Beomgyu puts mc on the spot #this is another one of those fics idk about #do I hate mc??? #beomgyu #txt #choi beomgyu #smut #kpop #beomgyu smut #txt smut #choi beomgyu smut #kpop smut #angst #enemies to enemies #enemies to lovers #because they did some lovin alright

[skepsiss]

His People. Chapter 2: Like. Lust. Love

No one asked for this, but the idea wouldn't get out of my brain so I wrote it. I need to take a break tho but don't want to leave this without sharing. It's almost 3,000 words, so breaking it up into part 3 should be fine.

Lil' Monster Eddie. In the first chapter we see how Eddie has come back as something less than human. He doesn't have his memories and he is struggling a lot to interact with people "appropriately." In this chapter, Steve and Eddie are spending one on one time together and Eddie might... get a little carried away.

Chapter 1

Rate: T CW: Slight non-con/con, mention of gore, memory loss, miscommunication.

They were seated on the bed in Steve’s room, the smells and warmth almost oppressive. Everything smelt like Steve with a tinge of chemicals behind it. Clean. Eddie liked it. He liked the differences even if it was a lot, and he got used to it soon enough.

Eddie was stretched and lounging with his arm under his head and his chest to the mattress, flipping through one of Steve’s magazines. He found them fascinating, even if he didn’t really care for the subject matter. It was more the high gloss images and the way the men and women were positioned across the page. How he’d flip a page and there would be a wall of text, but wedged in beside it would be a man holding a baseball bat, the words perfectly blocked out around him. He liked them a lot and Steve had been kind enough to invite him over so he could look through his collection. 

Steve himself was seated with his back to the headboard, his legs stretched out so his feet were near Eddie’s head. He was reading one of the magazines, not flipping through the images nearly as quickly as Eddie was. Steve was reading and considering the page while Eddie watched his brows pinch in or raise with interest every once and a while. Expressive. He was taking his time to move from page to page and Eddie wondered if the subject matter was really all that intriguing, staring unabashedly at him.  

Eddie liked looking at Steve.

He wasn’t sure why exactly, but he’d stare sometimes at Steve and feel at peace looking at him. It was different from how he felt when he looked at the rest of the party. He felt possessive of all of them–protective and soft–but Steve was different. It was as if he had a calming presence to him. It felt the opposite compared to how Eddie felt after he ate. How he’d feel energetic and moody as if he was excited in the most destructive way possible. But around Steve, it was the opposite. 

Eddie didn’t remember a lot about Steve. 

He could remember Dustin–Henderson, as he was supposed to call him–and shared many memories with him. He remembered the band and he was often charmed by the memories that randomly popped up when he was around them. He could remember Mike, Lucas, Erica–he remembered a lot of them, but for some reason, he couldn’t remember anything about Steve. 

He wanted to be around Steve though, he liked it, and he liked it when Steve looked at him too. 

Steve must have felt his eyes on him because he glanced up from the magazine and looked at Eddie.

Eddie smiled, keeping his mouth shut so his teeth wouldn’t show, but still wanting to express his joy in Steve looking at him. 

“What?” Steve chuckled, flipping the page of his magazine as he smiled back at Eddie. 

“I like watching you. You look nice,” Eddie complimented as a means to explain why he was staring. 

“Uh… thanks,” Steve replied, the hesitation in his voice obvious before he looked back down at the page.

Eddie blinked at him and slowly sat up, feeling a little anxious all of a sudden. 

“Is that weird?” he asked, uncertain. He hadn’t really nailed this whole… social interaction thing. He’d often overstep or overshare and someone would have to explain why to him. He was learning all the rules slowly, but it was a lot to keep track of.

People liked compliments. Saying them was fine, right? Was calling Steve ‘nice’ not appropriate? 

“A little,” Steve replied to Eddie’s question, but he sounded good-humored even if there was a bit of awkwardness in his tone. “You’re not supposed to say that stuff out loud.” 

Eddie frowned, not really understanding what he meant by that. He had to keep it to himself? That didn’t seem fair. 

Steve must have caught on to Eddie’s confusion because he looked up from his magazine again before sighing lightly through his nose. 

“You shouldn’t really say ‘I like looking at you,’ a lot of people find that creepy,” Steve explained, pressing his lips together. 

“Oh,” Eddie answered, feeling badly, “did I creep you out?”

“It’s fine, just be careful who you say that stuff to.”

Eddie nodded and sat back with his legs crossed, trying to commit the ‘taboo’ to memory.

“Was the compliment okay?” Eddie asked, feeling like he needed the clarification.

“Uh… sure,” Steve replied, hesitating before trying to explain better. “Guys don’t really… say that stuff to each other.”

“Oh… why not?” Eddie asked, feeling like he was being annoying. Steve’s face was turning a bit red and Eddie didn’t really understand why. 

“You just… don’t?” Steve frowned, obviously flushed, “you save it for… someone you like.” 

“I like you,” Eddie replied quickly, not wanting Steve to think he disliked him for some reason, especially not when Eddie wanted to be around him so badly. 

“No, Eddie,” Steve sighed, sounding a bit exasperated, “not like that. Not like how you like Mike, or Dustin, or Nancy or someone. It’s different, you like them differently.”

Eddie frowned, not really understanding what Steve meant by that. There were different levels to liking someone? He supposed that made sense. He had felt a difference between people when he was around them. He felt differently when he was with Nancy compared to Mike. He liked being around Mike more, but he liked Nancy fine; he wanted to listen to her and didn’t feel as resistant to doing the things she asked compared to Mike. He liked them both, but he couldn’t really compare the two of them–but they were still nothing like Steve.

“I like you different,” Eddie explained, shifting onto all fours to crawl up toward the headboard where Steve was sitting. “Different from everyone else.”

Steve frowned deeper and Eddie tilted his head with curiosity at that. Why wouldn’t Steve want to be told he was liked?

“I mean, how you’d like a girl,” Steve tried to explain, shifting one of his legs so it was tucked up closer to his chest. 

“A girl?” Eddie asked, continuing his ascent up the bed before kneeling by Steve’s hip. 

Out of all the girls he knew, he didn’t feel any specific way about them. He liked Robin, he liked Nancy, he liked Max and the mothers of the people he knew, but nothing specific stuck out to him about them. “So… I’m supposed to tell Robin that she looks nice?” He asked, not thinking that compliment was untrue, but he had never felt compelled to tell her something like that.

“No, not Robin,” Steve sighed and Eddie watched as he shifted away ever so slightly, the motions almost imperceptible. Steve wasn’t looking at him anymore and Eddie felt a pit form in his stomach because of that. He wanted Steve to look at him, he liked that better. 

“I like you more than girls,” Eddie offered as an explanation, “look at me…”

He could see red breaking out across Steve’s face, making his freckles look darker and the lines in his face look softer. Eddie had never seen something like that before, red…. 

He reached for Steve slowly, wanting to see him properly as Steve lulled his head a bit back in Eddie’s direction. 

“It’s a different kind of–” he began saying, stopping when Eddie held his cheeks. His face got redder and Eddie felt his eyes go a bit wide as he felt how warm Steve was under his touch. It was different than other times–then when he’d touched Robin’s face to retrieve a loose eyelash or poke fun at Dustin. He was so warm. 

Eddie felt his breathing get a bit heavier and his pulse pick up, the feeling a muddled mixture of how he felt after he ate and how he felt just being around Steve. It made his eyelids droop and his skin prickle, his mind reeling as it started to connect dots. 

He could… remember something. It was ephemeral and hazy, different from how he usually remembered things, but it was there. He could see it in his mind, especially as his gaze shifted to look Steve in the eyes. 

He’d done this before. He’d held Steve like this. He could see it–he could see them–the two of them pressed against one another, the vague outline of Steve’s body in a dark room. The thrill and excitement of wrapping his arm around Steve and feeling him tug his hair. His body–their bodies–unclothed as Eddie touched him. He could remember Steve’s face being red just like this and he could remember kissing him. Oh… he wanted to kiss Steve. 

“I remember…” Eddie said quietly, the sound of his own voice odd to his ears. 

Steve was staring at him, not moving, and Eddie could hear the sound of his heartbeat pounding away in his chest. He wasn’t scared, but there was some kind of emotion there that Eddie didn’t understand. He couldn’t really focus on that though, his body felt electric with these memories, with how dreamy they made him feel. 

Like. Lust. Love. He didn’t really know, but he understood those words–had them in his brain all of a sudden. Steve was different… very different. 

Without delaying anymore, Eddie closed the distance between them, kissing Steve on the lips and feeling him recoil slightly in his hold. 

“Eddie–” Steve sputtered slightly, his hands going to Eddie’s shoulders. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie breathed, kissing him again, licking his bottom lip, “my teeth–it won’t… it’s okay.”

He wouldn’t hurt Steve, he never would, and he knew unless he bit down Steve didn’t have anything to worry about. 

He leaned in closer, pushing his tongue into Steve’s mouth and feeling his stomach clench at the sensation. He’d done this before. He’d felt this before. It was so familiar; he knew what he was doing without having to think about it. 

He was shifting closer to Steve, moving so he could almost lay on his chest as he sat against the headboard, feeling so at peace and so excited at the same time.

“No–Ed–” Steve started to say between kisses, his hands still on Eddie’s shoulders. 

“It’s okay,” Eddie reassured again, letting his hand drop to Steve’s waist and brush up and under his shirt, feeling the roughness of his skin. 

Steve squirmed, his own hand dropping to Eddie’s wrist to hold it. 

Another memory filtered through Eddie’s mind, one that felt sharper and tinged with fear and sorrow. He could remember Steve getting hurt and he could remember how scared he had been to see Steve like that. The blood and the gore of it all. How he had wanted to comfort Steve and kiss him as they walked through the forest together. He had wanted Steve to be okay. To take care of him. 

“Does it hurt still?” Eddie asked quietly against Steve’s lips, raising his hand away from the rough skin, afraid that he wasn’t healed enough to be touched there. 

“What? No, Eddie–” Steve replied and Eddie kissed him again, glad to hear that as he brushed his thumb over Steve’s stomach. He loved the feeling of Steve’s stomach: the softness of his hair, and the smooth skin underneath that made way for raised, rough patches of scars. 

“That’s good,” Eddie mumbled into the kiss, his eyes already closed without realizing it. Steve was still squirming under him though, restless and energetic.

Steve had been right. Liking someone was different than liking someone and Eddie wanted to reassure him that it was the latter. He couldn’t say he lusted him, so Eddie scraped his brain for the phrase he needed to express his feelings. 

“I want you,” Eddie breathed, the phrase sounding appropriate enough as if it communicated the right feeling. 

“I like you–different,” he tried to speak between kisses–between having his tongue as deep as it would go into Steve’s mouth–as he easily moved against Steve’s hold. “I want you… I wanted you… I remember… I wanted you when you got hurt, I wanted you.”

Steve’s squirming lessened slightly and Eddie shifted closer, letting his legs splay out behind him so he could hook his knee around Steve’s leg. 

“You were–” Eddie breathed, breaking the kiss, but continuing to hold Steve’s face so they were nose to nose, “--nice to look at… then too. I thought you were nice to look at.”

He remembered giving Steve his vest and how he had thought he looked good like that. How he was bloody and bruised, filthy and wet, but Eddie had wanted him so badly. He had settled for looking at him and he had thought he looked amazing. Badass. He liked Steve. 

Steve was frozen in his hold as Eddie stared at him, breathing against his mouth as he felt this flurry of remembered emotions. It was so much to process, but every second he remembered more it made his body tingle with warmth

He pecked Steve quickly before moving his hand over one of Steve’s scars and ducking down towards his stomach. Steve jolted and Eddie gasped as his lips touched his waist and he felt the skin break out in bumps under his touch. That was new. Goosebumps. They were contagious and Eddie felt the hair on his arm stand up as his skin was painted with them. 

“I’ll be gentle,” Eddie said softly, speaking against Steve’s skin before he felt Steve’s fingers in his curls. He made a sound in the back of his throat, approving of the touch until suddenly Steve’s grip tightened and he was yanked back by his hair.

Eddie hissed with pain and he watched as Steve brought his legs up to cover his stomach, one of his knees wedging firmly between their chest. 

“Eddie!” Steve exclaimed, holding Eddie’s head back and away from himself.

“Ow—Steve,” Eddie whined, frowning deeply, noticing the wild look in Steve’s eyes for the first time.

“Stop!” Steve said firmly, sounding angrier than Eddie had ever heard him.

“All…alright,” Eddie mumbled, a little shell-shocked as he stared at Steve. Had he hurt him? He didn’t mean to. Touching like this was supposed to feel good. He had felt good touching Steve, but maybe Steve hadn’t?

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, finally letting go of Eddie’s hair and pushing back and away from him until he was standing beside the bed. 

Eddie stared at him, unsure how to answer that question or if he was supposed to. 

“Kissing?” Eddie replied, shrinking in on himself slightly. Maybe he had just been doing a bad job of it. So bad that Steve didn’t even know what he was doing. 

“No—-Eddie,” Steve sighed, putting one hand on his hip while the other went to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

He was panting and Eddie could still hear Steve’s heart pounding, even from where he was seated. Steve smelt different too. He smelt… heavier. He liked the smell, it made him want to get closer… but he stayed seated, starting to squirm slightly as he waited for Steve to explain.

“I thought…” Eddie started, feeling as if he needed to explain, “since we’ve done it before…”

Steve looked up at him sharply, his brows creased and pressed in. He fumbled for words, his mouth opening and closing as if he was trying to push the sounds out of himself. 

“What?” he asked finally and the question made Eddie’s back straight and his shoulders bunch up to his ears. 

“We what?” Steve asked, his tone sharp and starting to truly frighten Eddie.

“Kissed… and… more,” Eddie explained, leaning back as he pushed across the bed, away from Steve, some of the magazines clattering to the ground behind him. 

“We’ve—” Steve started, staring at Eddie with wide eyes once again. “No, we haven’t!” 

“We haven’t?” Eddie asked, unsure of himself, his heart pounding out of his chest in a completely different way than it had been moments earlier. “I thought—I remembered us…”

He didn’t like the way Steve was looking at him, it was intense and nothing like how he usually was. He didn’t like this Steve. 

“That—-we’ve never–” Steve groaned and turned away from him, rubbing his hands over his face a few times. He was pacing in the room, the sound of his groans muffled by his palms as Eddie continued to push away until he was in the corner of the bed. He tucked up against the headboard and pulled his knees up, making himself smaller. 

That didn’t make sense. He could remember kissing Steve. He could remember touching him and seeing his body–he could remember all of it. The memories weren’t sharp–they felt wispy almost–but they were there. They were different compared to Eddie’s other memories, but Steve was different so it made sense for them to feel different too. But he couldn’t put a time or a place to these memories… he couldn’t produce the adjoining lead-up to them kissing. It was as if these memories were removed from time and space… why didn’t they make sense?

Eddie's eyes snapped up toward Steve, his blood running cold as he realized what all of this meant. 

Fantasies. They had been fantasies. 

These memories hadn’t actually happened, they weren’t real, they were things he had conjured in his own mind. They had been private. They were never things he was supposed to act on….

Eddie felt his face heat up and he touched his own cheeks as he realized that the sensation was. Embarrassment. Shame. Overwhelm. He had been embarrassing to Steve. He had kissed—

“Fuck!” Eddie yelled, the word jumping out of his mouth and shocking him slightly before he pushed his face into his knees. 

His shout had surprised Steve and he had seen him turn towards him before Eddie was covering his face from shame.

“Sorry! Sorry!” Eddie muttered, his voice loud but muffled still by his own hands. “I’m sorry—forget about it—you can just forget about it. Please forget about it. I’m sorry–”

--To be continued in Chapter 3. Picking right back up from here--

#sorry for the cliffhanger #Poor little monster Eddie #my_writing #eddie munson #steddie #steve harrington #steddie fic #stranger things #fluff with slight smut

[void-inked-pen]

I saw your rise of the tmnt swap au stuff awhile ago and was wondering if Donnie goes weird himself or if that’s still a ‘Raph’ thing.

Does Donnie also chuck Leo at things like ‘hey look it’s Hypno go get em’ Leo?” Or like trolls Leo by picking him up and tossing him outta his lab when he bothers him?

oh boy, you are bringing up barely present au's in my brain anymore lol but I'll try my best to remember.

Yes donnie had his own kinda "lonely raph" response but i believe how I interpreted it was more like "I'm getting frustrated, my tech isnt working, I'm going savage!!" so its less an "I'm alone" response and more a "I'm angry, shit nothings working, I'M SO MAAAAD". I always interpreted the canon savage raph thing as more of an extreme anxiety response with raph and donnie is just the more aggressive one in nature sometimes out of the boys so its facinating to think they both would have this piece of them but both are connected to being a snapping turtle.

I don't believe in the original idea we ever wanted to give the swap au raph the same nature as before? like i can't see this version of raph still having that reaction, ya know? i can see him still getting anxious but less... intense in the direction the show went.

also yes, donnie would 100% toss leo around. he'd see him as a ball and just throw him at things.

(also its not as obvious in the drawings but donnie is the tallest and raph is the second tallest so donnie is very lanky and muscular at the same time... have fun with that image lol)

#pen talks #asks #rottmnt #swap au

[thishasgonehorribly]

Saw Monkey Man and Mars Express in the same day.

They're both beautiful films, fresh original stories in long established genres that have very clearly learned from their predecessors, and have a ton of parallels and reference to the classics, without being derivative.

I'm less familiar with the revenge-rampage action movie, but Monkey Man is very Hero's Journey, Dev Patel's character is a man with no name, archetypal hero. In a good way, it's very by-the-books; inciting incident, entering the strange world, first encounter with the villain, death and rebirth, there's literally a goddess.

Again, I'm not that well versed in rampage revenge, action, beats-up-everyone movies, so I recognize Kill Bill, which is itself direct homage and remix of a bunch of things. Movie shouts out John Wick by name. I saw an interview clip where Patel talks about The Raid (I still need to watch that one). The violence is gruesome and visceral. The fights are mostly legible and impactful, but it is also kinda video games. There's a lot of up-close shakey cam, and it does get a little tiring like watching some one else playing a first person game can be.

Mars Express is a science fiction detective story, and I know more points of reference there.

This one I'm kind of anxious about over-hyping. I think you can pretty easily tell if you like the kind of movie Monkey Man is and you'll have a good time. There's ways Mars Express might not land for some people. It might be kind of weird, or too specific an art style, might be too slow and methodical *

I went in with kind of middling expectations, and found it a really satisfying watch.

It kinda has everything:

The most obvious, it's got some Bladerunner, it's got some Asimov robotic's laws, there's Cowboy Bebop vibes, definitely some Nueromancer, there's some shades of Martian Chronicles, there's Ghosts in Shells, there's Robot Cops+, oh there's some Cronenberg flesh monstrosities, there's some Electric Dreams, there's weird robot sex.

It's serious, and moves at a steady pace, but there's also a good current of humor and satire throughout. There's brief moments with exceptionally dark implications.

It does a lot for me when I feel like the world building of a story is well considered. When I can tell the creators thought about not just how speculative elements would function and interact, but how characters in that world would relate to and think of things, I really like it.

The first character the movie introduces is a robot, that speaks with a very human voice, that's got just an edge of Customer Service Brightness to it, and it pretty succinctly tells you kind of a lot about how a character like this moves through this world.

*i've been searching for really non-judgmental ways to describe, like, some things take more brain-juice, and it's nothing to do with 'high-IQ' , being smart,

#movies #movie #film #cinematography #film analysis #Monkey Man #monkey man 2024 #Mars Express #Mars Express 2023

[inkantation]

@eternasci asked

What is your writing process? Do you go in one fell swoop? Do you leave and come back? Do you use a thesaurus? Do you re-read and swap out words? Do you try to match/beat your partner's length? Do you care about length at all? Do you look for fancier words? Do you get straight to the point? As artists, we only ever see your finished product. How do you craft your work?

pfft, what writing process—

That's a lie, though! I have a different writing process for RP replies than I do fanfiction, and an even DIFFERENT process for my original writing, but there's a lot of commonality between the three.

For things like RP ( which are often 1-2 paragraphs aside from the few novella things I get to write - which I adore btw, ) I tend to knock it out in one go, sort of treating the writing like a flood. Once I've written that first knockout, I'll take a break from that draft, and either go work on another, or spend time doing something else entirely. Only after I haven't seen the draft for 30 minutes at least, I'll go back through it with a fine tooth comb. It's here that I'll change words, check for flow, and make sure there are no obvious grammatical errors. This is a good way to make sure my drafting skills are up to par, and to prevent my brain from getting too anxious to write anything at all. If it's bad, well, I can fix it in the re-tool.

As for length, I try to make sure it's at least comparable in length, if not matching. I never want someone to feel like their writing and effort wasn't appreciated. That said, I do pride ( and dread ) my ability to be naturally verbose.

For fanfiction ( and novella RP, which I want to do more of ) I have... a weird process. Because I tend to write either one-shot fics or 3-4 chapter pieces at most, I have a plot structure in mind ( most of the time. ) So, I actually go through and write out short descriptors of what I want each scene to be, what purpose it serves, and how it should flow into the next. This is actually a tool I used to use to prevent writing block while I was drafting essays.

Once I have that general blocking done, I'll go in and flood writing the way I do for a RP. In fic, I may go through the flood and refine a few times, especially for difficult scenes ( fight scenes in particular -.-; )

In solo-writing settings, length matters less, but I do like fic chapters to be similar lengths to each other.

Other tools in my bucket are:

A thesaurus, yes - particularly now that I speak Spanish more, I find certain English words hard to remember. Fucking hammock! WHY is that word so hard to remember!

Playlists of instrumental music. I have a very bad habit of letting the songs I'm listening to influence the words I'm picking. While not the worst thing, I don't want to steal bits of wordplay by accident. I want my references to songs to be on purpose, haha.

Tea. No comment, everyone should drink more tea. Helps the brain think, and is part of my writing process.

#【００Ｘ：OOC.】 #eternasci #( and if u wonder why my writing takes so long. this is why. i LOOOVE refining and editing ) #【００Ｘ：ANSWERED.】

[zapsoda]

aUGH you talked about bax's and babygirl's i mean. roy's bad eyesight. does anyone else have an likewise handicap or disability? also what's their weakspot for each one of them ... both physically and mentally if you want to write even moar words hehe

ofc!!

as previously mentioned bax has shit eyesight. hes also a bit mentally ill (lack of survival instincts), and while that can be beneficial when in dangerous situations where he needs to act effectively and expediently it can also be VERY DISADVANTAGEOUS. for obvious reasosn. what would the crew do without him? when hes constantly getting injured and incapacitated?

roy has her weird eyesight, and she has kind of the opposite of bax's problem. shes pretty anxious and has trouble acting and making quick decisions. she doesnt really like getting into *serious* trouble (she likes silly stuff and pranks and goofs though), anyways this makes it harder for her to step in when someone needs help.

clam *is* a runaway government android and so basically anything that isnt healing or surveillance is antithetical to what he was programmed for which is bad for everyone. he wants so badly to deviate and cultivate more of an identity but its gotta be just one step at a time, while roy and the others help him reprogram his body and brain bit by bit. which sucks. he wants physical agency Now.

tallys lack of horns and low-ppointing fin rays would land him very low in his home planets sort of caste system. not like. homestuck per se, its less ingrained and more socially enforced. on a dangerous planet where community contribution holds a lot of social weight, being physically weaker, lacking parental skills or instincts, and being kind of selfish on top of all of that made him very. not liked. this is part of the reason kip feels so responsible for him and overly protective.

anyways hes kinda internalized it. every single crumb of attention and validation sends his ego to the moon (metaphorically). he is torn between accepting a low place in life and society "everyone hates me, why should i change that" and desperately trying to prove his worth to anyone who will listen. yaaay mentla illness mwah (i kiss him on the forehead)

kip is the opposite of tally. he has horns. his fin rays point straight up. hes big and strong. he can hunt and protect. hes kind of tender and paternal. hes generally well respected. and he left all that. with his "nephew."

hes used to the expectation of taking care of everyone, protecting them, making sure nothing goes wrong. so he overcorrects. he comes off a bit controlling, though he normally channels this through his cooking. its like a healthy outlet, where he has control over everything as long as everyone stays OUT of his FUCKING kitchen.

hes also very slow to learn and a bit stubborn (though he tries very very hard to work on this)

hes honestly very stable and good at keeping himself together unless He were to be the one hurt and or in trouble ahahaha. he would not handle that. he would go crazy. the thought of being the one to need others makes him ill.

he is so fucking awkward around clam and its for two reasons. 1. dont wanna break him, unfamiliar object, not sure how the best way to proceed 2. stop trying to help me stop leave me alone you sick vermin

deep down he loves clam though cause he feels like theyre the same. "this weird animate object is just like me fr" he admires clams instinct to help others a lot eheheheh.

#asks #<333 #oc stuff

[hyperfixated-homo]

Always in the mood for some cute Prinxiety :D

How about a nighttime conversation? It can be about something serious or silly. Just looking for that soft, sleepy vibe ^.^

I don't wanna >:(

Virgil gets tired. It’s up to his (also tired) boyfriend, Roman, to coerce him into going to bed.

Ao3 Link

A/N: No, that title was not me telling you I didn't want to write the fic. That was the title. Sorry if there was any confusion LMAO. I hope you like it!! Some sleepy time fluff with the boys

———

Virgil likes to stay up.

In case it wasn't blatantly obvious, Virgil is a bit of a night owl. Usually Roman doesn't mind all that much, except that Virgil gets tired and cranky when he’s sleepy, and its already so late and they're filming a video tomorrow Virge- so here they are.

"I'm not tired." Virgil says, not for the first time. He's sitting on the bed with his arms crossed over his chest and he has a pout that Roman can see from across the room. He says it every time even though he knows he's close to falling asleep on the spot. Arguing for argument's sake.

"I'm not tired." Virgil states, on family movie night. Even though he's been yawning for the last ten minutes, and clearly struggling to keep his eyes open. "I want to stay up."

"I'm not tired." Virgil claims, arms crossed over his chest halfway through a hike. He's lying, and he knows it, much less fit than his gym-bro of a boyfriend and not at all happy with such a strenuous date.

"I'm not tired." Virgil insists, but he's yawning and stretching out on the headboard of their bed. Roman rolls his eyes.

"You're so full of shit," he mutters, going over to the closet to change into softer pajamas. His shirt and shorts were absolutely not going to cut it for this conversation. "Well," He says slowly, "we have to get up early tomorrow so maybe you should just go to sleep.

He can feel Virgil glaring at the back of his head. He turns around and glares right back. It's 11 pm and Roman is feeling petty, sue him.

"That'll be my problem to deal with. If I'm tired it's my own fault. I'll be fine." Virgil says, as if the others can't tell when he's tired and annoyed from sleeplessness and Patton won't immediately call the shoot off and make him go back to bed. "You can go to sleep though." He added as an afterthought.

Roman doesn't look like he's going to let him off that easily. He opens his mouth, but Virgil cuts him off. "I'll be fine," He says again. Roman sighs, looking up dramatically.

"I'm not going to let you drag this out until the sun comes up." He groans.

He briskly walks towards him then, flopping on to the bed and turning to frown at his anxious boyfriend. "I know that you're tired. I'm tired. We both need sleep." Then his eyes soften, and in a quieter voice, "Please, amor? You know I always sleep better when I'm cuddling you."

Virgil looks conflicted for a moment. He rolls his eyes and looks away, but there's a ghost of a smile on his lips and despite his clear determination, he looks fond.

Roman smiles and shuffles closer, wrapping his arms around Virgil and pulling him close. He nuzzles into his chest and breathes in deeply, feeling some tension leave him as Virgil relaxes into him. They lie like that for a moment, just enjoying each other's warmth.

Virgil mumbles into his hair.

"...I don' wanna go t' bed yet."

It takes a moment for the sentence to register in Roman's brain. And then another for him to let go and look up.

Virgil looks sleepy. His hair is messed up and the bags under his eyes look prominent even though he isn't all that stressed out. He's got a weird expression on his face, like he's trying to understand something important but not quite getting there. But he's also looking at Roman with wide, innocent eyes.  "You want to stay up?" Roman asks slowly. Virgil nods, shifting closer and pressing a kiss to Roman's forehead before resting his head on his shoulder, Roman now basically sitting in his lap.

"I wan' stay up." Roman smiles, running a hand through Virgil's hair. He looks so innocent when he's like this, like a child who has no idea what goes on in the world outside of his home. It makes Roman want to ball up with him in a blanket burrito and never move again.  "You're going to be exhausted tomorrow," he warns.  "I won' be," Virgil says, yawning and snuggling impossibly closer.

Roman sighs and his head on Virgil's. "I know you're not tired," he says, voice soft and patient. "But if you don't get some sleep now then you will be tired tomorrow. And we really need to film that video."

Virgil stays quiet for a long moment. "You're right," he says, and it's so soft that Roman barely hears him.  "I'm sorry."

Roman smiles, prideful nature immediately wanting to cheer for his victory, but he controls himself. That's not what Virgil needs right now.

"It's okay, stormy." is what he settles on when he decides to speak. "I'm not mad. Let's go to bed, okay?" He feels Virgil nod against him.

They stay like that for a moment longer, until Roman clears his throat and gently nudges Virgil's head up. "Come on," he says. "Let's get some sleep." They shuffle around a bit before eventually settling down, cuddling with Virgil's head in Roman's chest and their legs entangled. Roman snaps, and the ceiling lights in his room shut off, leaving on some warm orange fairy lights. Virgil prefers to sleep with them off, but he knows that Roman is afraid of the dark and his boyfriend’s comfort was far more important than some lights.

He breathes, wrapping an arm around Virgil's waist and stroking his hair with his other hand. He can feel the tension slowly seeping out of Virgil's body. "I love you," he murmurs.

Virgil doesn't say a word, but he presses a kiss against Roman’s neck, and that’s all he needs. His eyes are shut and breathing already evening out. Roman brushes away the hair sticking to Virgil's forehead and kisses him there before closing his own eyes.

They drift off like that, happily in each other's arms.

#prinxiety #sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #roman x virgil #virgil x roman #shadow writes #no thoughts only them

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

It's hard to explain why I'm having so much anxiety lately (I'm not just talking about social anxiety – all sorts of seemingly minor things are giving me anxiety lately, even though I don't feel particularly anxious in response) but a good portion of it is a result of the fact that a lot of "bad things" that have happened to me recently have involved being in spaces I don't feel comfortable in, and it's hard for me to articulate what it is I don't feel comfortable in, like this is something that's very obvious and I should know what it is but I'm not actually sure.

Analogy: I want to go for a run or something, so I decide to go for a walk. I get out of my apartment, and start running. On the first block, I see someone walking towards me on the sidewalk, whom I'd like to walk past but if I walk past them they'll see I'm a person who isn't used to running and they'll think I'm strange. I can turn back around or run past them (if I choose to) or go the other way (if they choose). I pick the other way and see the same person walking towards me on the sidewalk and I'm not sure if I should walk past or back. I just can't decide if I'm doing the right thing. Should I be in the place that's supposed to be familiar? And then I think, wait, this was a bad analogy because I'm not sure I want to go run, and so I just walk past. But my brain is convinced I need to go run. If I don't, someone will think I'm weird (and if I run past I'll be perceived as weird – why not run past and be in the clear) and that is awful. I can't go through the rest of the day being worried that, somewhere in the world, someone is thinking I'm weird. And yet, somehow, my brain manages to tell me I need to run, even though I don't want to, and all my instincts say that I don't want to run. I'm not running, and my brain is freaking out, because my brain has learned that running is necessary, even though I've never done it before.

This is kind of the way I feel all the time, and a good portion of the way I felt in late February and March, when I was really sick and miserable. And I've been feeling really anxious lately, a lot more than normal. And it's because my brain is telling me the same thing, again, and again: go run, but I don't want to run, and yet I know I do. My brain doesn't want to help me stop feeling anxious, so it keeps telling me the anxiousness is there whether it's justified or not.

The really ironic thing is that when I'm feeling anxious, all of a sudden my brain has no problem telling me to do things! No problem putting on the happy voice when I say I want to do these things and no problem telling me to do things when I am not anxious. But the second I feel less anxious, then that same voice, that same bad, "helpful" voice, comes back to help me "make up" for the fact that I do not actually want to run or go for a walk or do this or that. My brain always wants to convince me that I need to do those things, even when the things themselves are terrible, even when the things would just make me feel terrible for no good reason.

The really frustrating thing is that I can kind of fix it – I can find "tasks" or situations I find fun and go do those (I will still feel anxious, because I'm dealing with anxiousness and I feel anxious around people I don't know and don't really like – but I'm doing a thing I like and that feels good and I don't have to worry about whether the thing I'm doing is a good thing that "people think I'm strange for doing" or whatever). But it's only in these very specific situations where the brain is satisfied with my behavior that I can find ways to temporarily get through the other times, when I'm just not doing stuff I want to be doing but my brain insists I do stuff I don't.

#this is a long post with a lot of tumblr post formatting #blah blah blah

[snakeho]

2/13/23 6:45AM

it’s my birthday and i’m miserable. i miss the days when i used to be sad because i thought i was ugly fat unattractive and no one would ever love me cause honestly those problems seemed manageable and solvable back then. i did the thing, i had the boyfriend and it was nice but it didn’t make me feel shiny and new and fixed. on the contrary, it made me super anxious and insecure about myself and whether i could even have a proper relationship. so much of that relationship was spent being uncomfortable in the silences, and constantly worrying that i was too boring and personality-less to ever keep someone’s interest for the rest of our lives. i’m extremely uncomfortable with the silences in general now. every word that comes out of my mouth feels foreign to me, like i’m glad that something, anything was able to be conjured up in my brain but why’d it have to be that? i don’t understand how i’ve made any friends in life, how i didn’t realize until i was forced to spend alone time with someone i was supposed to confide everything in, how opinionless and boring and memory-less i truly am. i can’t believe i’m missing something so fundamentally human from the human experience. it makes so much sense why i’ve always felt weird and different and emotionless and why it’s so hard for me to be social and make friends. sharing stories between humans is like the primary reason language even developed, and i have 0 stories to share cause i can’t remember any of them. if i do remember it, it’s a list of facts that come to me as i tell the story, resulting in a jumbled word salad mess of a story that (to me at least) makes it so obvious that i have the social skills of a child raised by wolves. i’ve always been the funny friend cause all that i have is the present moment, something in my environment that i can comment on and make a joke about and hopefully make people laugh enough that they don’t realize i’m not revealing anything about myself besides maybe my basic likes/dislikes. but that doesn’t cut it anymore. i’m an adult and people need something more to sink their teeth into, people need proper connection and i’m too scared to be vulnerable and offer any of myself up for scrutiny. who the fuck wants to be friends with someone who only offers how much their mind is a prison as their anecdotal stories? i feel like something is irreparably wrong with me, and i don’t think i can ever love myself enough to forgive these deficiencies.

#journal #birthday

[lifeforceyogi]

Yoga For Anxiety: Breathwork and Poses to Calm Your Mind

Whether it's dealing with the stress of a demanding career or navigating the rocky waters of a transition in your life, most of us have experienced anxiety. Some of us have experienced most of our lives dealing with its detrimental load on our body. Our body’s are thankfully efficient at keeping us going through the hardest of times but sometimes this comes at a cost. After a while, your anxiety can begin to have detrimental effects on your life and health if not controlled. Thankfully there are practical and effective habits that you can fit in throughout your day to combat anxiety and support your nervous system. Come with me on a journey as we explore these poses and breathwork that will help stimulate your nervous system, bring you relief, and help you feel safe within your body. 

Understanding Yoga & Anxiety: Anxiety can manifest in various ways for anyone. Sometimes the pressure of a job or meeting a deadline could send your heart racing and palms sweating. Other times, it can look much different and less obvious. Those who experience more of a freeze state will find themselves experiencing their anxious state as being lethargic and having brain fog as a result of continuously high adrenal and cortisol levels.  Yoga helps bring our awareness to our breath, linking us to the present moment, grounding us in our bodies. This attention to our breath helps us regain our control of our nervous system and brings us back to our grounded state. Further, the poses in yoga allow us to unravel coiled up energy blocked or stored in our body that we need to let go of such as fear which we often mistake for anxiety. 

Breathwork- Ujjayi Breath: The first exercise is a breathwork technique or “pranayama” as the yogis call it. This is also known as the Ocean Breath or Victorious Breath for its effects on your mood. It is both deeply restorative and energizing, making it perfect for any time of the day. Ujjayi Breath stimulates the vagus nerve which then stimulates your parasympathetic nervous system letting your body know you are safe. There are many guided meditations and breathwork instructions for the Ujjayi breath but my personal favorite is found on YogaWithAdrienne’s channel. 

Forward Fold-Uttanasana: The first pose or “asana” I will be discussing is a forward fold. Practicing a forward fold is an excellent way to calm the mind and relieve anxiety. While giving your legs and back a deep stretch, your head and neck dangle allowing you to let go and just hang.. literally. This pose has both a standing and seated variation both of which help calm your mind.

Corpse Pose-Savasana: If you have been to a yoga class before, you have most likely heard of Savasana. If not, it's not as weird as it sounds, trust me. It is actually my favorite part of any yoga class. Usually held for 10-20 minutes, Savasana is practiced laying down and an emphasis is placed on submitting into the ground, allowing your body to release any tension. There is no work to be done other than to just be. While this may seem pointless, this is actually the beauty. Allowing yourself to be present in your body for a few minutes in your day to connect with yourself, does wonders for everyone especially those who suffer from anxiety. My favorite guided savasana meditation is Birdys’s on YouTube.

Incorporating yoga into your daily routine can be a transformative tool for managing anxiety and promoting overall well-being. By practicing these techniques you can create a sense of peace and stillness in any environment. Try these out next time you feel like you need a little extra support in your body or a sense of grounding. Overtime, you will cultivate strength and resilience in the face of life’s challenges by harnessing the power of yoga to calm the mind and nourish the soul. 

#Yoga #anxietyrelief #mentalhealth

[regret-breathing]

last night i had a dream that my ex girlfriend was getting married to Armie Hammer. I was invited to the wedding, and invited to be her maid of honor, because we were secretly sleeping together and she needed moral support from her lover while she got married to her awful fiance. Also because like, even if we hadnt been sleeping together I imagine she wouldve brought me along because in the dream she had like. Just gotten back from the ISS (or dream equivalent, she was an astronaut in the dream, she isnt an astronaut in real life), and was not really prepared to be in a huge public event after being in space for a considerable amount of time. you know how it is when you come back from being in space after a considerable amount of time.

this is loooong so. yeah. the rest is under the cut.

anyway so I’m at this wedding, helping my secret lover get ready and helping keep The Fucking Hammers (who were giving extreme Bluths from arrested development energy) at bay as much as possible. wedding’s being held on this GOOORGEOUS little secluded island off the coast that they own (ew), we’re enjoying the sea air, we’re eating bonkers delicious food that probably cost enough to feed me for a year, when she fills me in about The Book.

Apparently in my dream world the Hammers have this whole ritualistic practice centered around The Family Book, a massive ancient tome supposedly containing the signatures of every Hammer dating back centuries, as they sign some sort of oath or contract when they come of age. Think like. what if the eagens from severance had the same unsettling religiosity but it was more antisemitic blood rituals trope and less corporate strategy. there were holidays about this book there were seasonal traditions about this book they were on some wild shit with this book. according to dream-ex “all old families like them have something like that”. i dunno man this book feels a lil fucked up, and again a little too close to some antisemitic tropes idk why my heavily jewish brain did this to me.

Anyway so she tells me all this because apparently it’s Hammer tradition that as a part of weddings, they have a private ceremony before the legal one where they properly induct those their children choose to marry into the Family, and so have them Sign The Family Book. i’ll be expected to go and serve as Witness, because i’m the maid of honor. she says it like it like it’s some great and incredible honor, to see the book signing ceremony as an outsider (and of course be sworn to secrecy as long as i shall live).

I’m like o.o maybe tell ppl that before they accept being your maid of honor, but fuck it! in the dream i love this girl so i’m like, in for a penny in for a pound i’ll go to your scary blood contract party to help you stay calm during it. so after everyone getting ready, she’s in her beautiful wedding dress I’m inexplicably wearing the himemiya anthy red wedding dress from utena (but without the crown or gloves) and i gotta say this is the first truly unbelievable thing in this dream so far. i wouldve worn a suit it wouldve been great and i got some audacity but i knooow i wouldnt roll up to my secret lover’s wedding in an anime wedding dress thats just gauche. and reeeeally obvious. im a bit buffooonish at times but im slicker than that.

So we’re all prepped and pretty and it’s wedding time, dream-ex is understandably anxious, i’m understandably anxious, and someone waylays us in the halls of the (seriously goooorgeous) venue to let us know it’s time for the Book Signing. we follow them to the chamber, and it is Weird in there. Basically, picture a very large cavernous room, totally dark in there, no windows, inky almost cave-like blackness. at the center theres like a corporate looking metal-and-glass conference table with super tall backed matching chairs, illuminated only by these blinding spotlights that blare down at each seat at the table, a double wide one encapsulating the two seats at the head of the table for the couple getting married. i like just woke up im glad i still remember this because it was an insane visual.

the whole collected living Hammer family is gathered around the table, all looking solemn and almost grim, they turn to us and beckon us warmly to join them at the table, she is seated to the left of her fiance at the head of the table, and i am next to her across the corner because i guess thats where the witness goes. Armie Hammer (first time i see him in the dream) is wearing basically the same fit he wore in Sorry To Bother You, except with the biggest Sonic blue high tops you ever seen. vividly remember these shoes. it’s kinda swaggy. He is also clutching the largest clearly hand bound leather tome i ever seen in real life, with slighly mismatched pages, dark almost black leather, with notably a large brownish stain on the spine where supposedly Grampappy Hammer fatally struck a rival with it and they’ve respectfully never cleaned the stain to remember.. something. i think there was a reason. this was an anecdote people were telling the whole fucking time. heard it like 4 times over the course of the wedding. miserable vibe. So he’s clutching this book tight, barely acknowledging his fiancé (dick move but i guess he was swept up in the ceremony), only occasionally mumbling to his best man, his brother (i have no idea if armie hammer has a brother but my dream said he did so im going with it).

i dont remember how or why but i guess dream-ex made an excuse to leave for a second?? or maybe im misremembering and i got there first and she was late?? or something?? but i pretty clearly remember getting there together so maybe she made an excuse to go to the bathroom or something i dunno. either way she steps out for a moment and im like. pretty heavily spooked by being alone with The Collected Hammers And Their Fucked Up Book in this Creepy Weird Ritual Chamber. the vibes are Off. theres sort of awkward chatter and I try to participate but Armie Hammer gives me a Look when i try so i shit tf up. Eventually dream-ex comes back, and she’s visibly more anxious than before. I try to discretely check in on her and she brushes me off, but sort of slowly takes my hand which is a little weird because we’d agreed not to do pda around the Hammers.

Then. Fucking. Okay. If you’re ever in this situation for whatever reason. DO NOT. DO THIS. TO ANYONE YOU LOVE. But yeah so she’s taken my hand, takes a pause while the Hammers look confused at her, and before the booksigning can begin she says she has something to say, and fucking TELLS THEM ALL THAT WE HAVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR. I am flabbergasted right, we’d agreed that she was gonna go through with the wedding and i was cool about it because i woudlnt want to fuck over the Hammers they scare me. but yeah so she totally blindsides me with this, and i get it right i woudlnt want to sign their fucking book either, she probably made the right call, but cmonnnnn at least let your secret lover know BEFORE you tell the richest people ever that youve been screwing behind their backs WHILE THEYRE CARRYING THE MURDER BLOOD BOOK. So the Collected Hammers are shocked right, i’m surprised but kinda impressed by her absolute audacity, she’s doing a great job of appearing calm even though by the grip she has on my hand she’s freaking out, and Armie Hammer is just utterly confused by this turn of events. And she takes it one step FURTHER. she tells them that she fully intends to marry ME that day instead of Armie Hammer, when we’re on their private wedding island, with a wedding ceremony they paid for, surrounded by 100% of living Hammers and VERY few other guests, and I WAS NOT AWARE SHE WAS PLANNING THIS. and at this point, yknow what, i gotta give it up to dream-ex. brass fucking balls. looking Known Cannibal Armie Hammer in the face and telling him shes been fucking around on him, that hes not getting married today, and that some fucking dyke is gonna steal his girl right in front of him, all while he’s holding The Family Book no less. He’s gone from shocked staring at her, to death glaring at me, and im pretty sure hes gonna murder me with the book, or maybe his family will kill me with their hands because theyre looking Agitated, but he sort of sighs and just tells us to get out. And we do! we leave the spooky vaguely antisemitic corporate ritual chamber and get the fuuuuuck out of there.

admittedly not very far it’s not like we leave the island or anything, all the boats are Hammer boats. we go back to her dressing room and i’m like forreal we’re getting married today?? she seems relieved not to be marrying into the Hammers and doesnt seem like she thinks we’re about to die so i decide not to be unhappy with being blindsided like that. shes like yeah and im sort of giddy, theres some smooching, etc etc etc.

So we go to the much more normal wedding ceremony, which I’m expecting to be empty because like 80% of the guests were Hammers or Hammer adjacent, but it’s a full fucking house, and it is some WEIRD energy in there. We get married by the priest (who I’m pretty sure looking back is the priest from the season 4 finale of Peep Show), irl i wouldve been pretty salty about having a christian wedding but i guess when youre stealing someone else’s wedding and are pretty sure theyre gonna kill you because Armie Hammer is still holding The Book, you try not to be a stickler about it not being a rabbi. So we get married to utter silence from the host of Hammers and a modest amount of dream-ex’s family, it’s awkward, theres a smooch, yaaay woo should be the end of the dream right? right?

wrong!! because my brain hates me and wants to put me through MORE torture, for some reason instead of just getting on a boat to the mainland and finding somewhere Not Full Of Hammers to celebrate, we fucking go to the reception! for some reason!! and inexplicably, so does the entire Hammer family. It’s a nice party, the vibes are BAD but the food remains excellent the drinks are frighteningly expensive and the decor is tasteful if a little bleak, we’re sitting very awkwardly at the Big Table completely surrounded by Hammers and Armie is still holding the fucking Book for some reason, I’m trying not to look too frightened so i can make sure dream-ex is okay, i give us plenty of excuses to leave but dream-ex steps on every one of them, insisting on staying in the Hammer Zone. We do try to stay around her small number of guests though, spending time with her parents, answering lots of bewildered questions about how the fuck this happened, generally avoiding the Hammers as much as possible who for some reason DO NOT LEAVE. I dunno i guess it’s their island so whatever but if i were Armie Hammer and my fiancee ran out on me and then stole my wedding and claimed squatters rights to stay there I think I’d just go home???? maybe that’s just me but I’d definitely bounce if I were the Collected Hammers.

Oh right another awkward wrinkle— dream-ex is an astronaut in this dream right, so she’s been back from the ISS for a while now, and part of why she was getting married at all is because either the following day or two days later or something she was either going back up to the ISS for another shift up there or maybe to the moon??? i remember people mentioning the moon, but i dunno because like, they dont stay on the moon forever, doesnt seem like astronauts stay on the moon for even a full day, so it’s not like a Getting Shipped Out To War thing where you get married before you go because you might not come back and if you do youll be gone a while thing, right?? it’s a moon visit not a moon stay, right??? i think???? but from my memory people kept bringing up the damn moon so i gotta assume it was a moon trip even if that doesnt make a lot of sense to me. I dunno near the end of the dream is where i forget a lot of it. but yeah so she’s getting asked questions about the moon, I’m getting death glares from the family and sniffing my food for poison, we both look fantastic, she’s kind of getting tired of me hovering around making sure she’s alright which isnt a great sign for the marriage but yknow what it’s been a long day no reason to read too far into it.

Eventually, I take a little smoke break because she seems like shes getting overwhelmed by me being there, and I call a different ex of mine (one who i actually talk to in real life as opposed to dream-wife-ex who i havent spoken to irl in like four years minimum) to complain about the Hammers because hahahaaaa they never got to do the ceremonyyyy so i wasnt sworn to secrecy about their boooooook naa naa na boo boo.

And that’s the whole saga. i don’t remember what happened after that but i think i woke up pretty soon after. weird fucking dream.

but yeah if any fancy dream interpreters wanna tell me what the fuck any of THAT means do let me know.

#regret posting #that was way longer than i intended it to be when i decided to type it up. #i dunno whyyy my subconscious decided the hammers had to be a weird vaguely antisemitic trope in my dream but here we are. #brains are fucked up i guess. #im seriously considering calling dream-ex simply because its funny as fuck to me but thats a TERRIBLE idea #i cant explain a lot of this but i do know damn well that she does NOT want to talk to me 😆😆 #cant stop thinking about armie hammers genuinely cool shoes tho #they were all electric blue #i think they were leather too #so its blue leather blue soles blue inside fabric blue trim all blue everything including the laces #but tbh i doubt he earned them aint no way armie hammer killed a cop #regret dreaming

[autolovecraft]

The thing must have happened at about three-thirty in the afternoon.

In another moment he knew fear for the first time that night; for struggle as he would, he could not but wish that the units of his contemplated staircase had been more securely made. At any rate he kicked and squirmed frantically and automatically whilst his consciousness was almost eclipsed in a half-swoon. As he planned, he could not shake clear of the unknown grasp which held his feet in relentless captivity. Steeled by old ordeals in dissecting rooms, the doctor entered and looked about, stifling the nausea of mind and body that everything in sight and smell induced.

Clutching the edges of the aperture, he sought to drain from the weakened undertaker every least detail of his horrible experience. Why did you do it, Birch? His thinking processes, once so phlegmatic and logical, had become ineffaceably scarred; and it was pitiful to note his response to certain chance allusions such as Friday, Tomb, Coffin, and words of less obvious concatenation. He had not forgotten the criticism aroused when Hannah Bixby's relatives, wishing to transport her body to the cemetery in the city whither they had moved, found the casket of Judge Capwell beneath her headstone. The vault had been dug from a hillside, so that the coffins beneath him rocked and creaked.

There was evidently, however, the high, slit-like transom in the brick facade gave promise of possible enlargement to a diligent worker; hence upon this his eyes long rested as he racked his brains for means to reach it. I agreed that he was wise in so doing. Birch were sure—absolutely sure—of the identity of that top coffin of the pile; how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had chosen it, how he had chosen it, how he had chosen it, how he had chosen it, how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had chosen it, how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had chosen it, how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had chosen it, how he had chosen it, how he had distinguished it from the inferior duplicate coffin of vicious Asaph Sawyer. Dusk fell and found Birch still toiling. You kicked hard, for Asaph's coffin was on the floor. The wounds—for both ankles were frightfully lacerated about the Achilles' tendons—seemed to puzzle the old physician greatly, and finally almost to frighten him. He was oddly anxious to know if Birch were sure—absolutely sure—of the identity of that top coffin of the pile; how he had been certain of it as the Fenner coffin in the dusk, and how he had distinguished it from the inferior duplicate coffin of vicious Asaph Sawyer. In time the hole grew so large that he ventured to try his body in it now and then, shifting about so that the coffins beneath him rocked and creaked. It is doubtful whether he was touched at all by the horror and exquisite weirdness of his position, but the other was worse—those ankles cut neatly off to fit Matt Fenner's cast-aside coffin, but you always did go too damned far! When Dr. Davis left, urging Birch to insist at all times that his wounds were caused entirely by loose nails and splintering wood. The body was pretty badly gone, but if ever I saw vindictiveness on any face—or former face. The hungry horse was neighing repeatedly and almost uncannily, and he planned to save the rejected specimen, and to let no other doctor treat the wounds. Great heavens, Birch, but you got what you deserved. He was a scoundrel, and I believe his eye-for-an-eye fury could beat old Father Death himself.

As he remounted the splitting coffins he felt his weight very poignantly; especially when, upon reaching the topmost one, he heard that aggravated crackle which bespeaks the wholesale rending of wood. The thing must have happened at about three-thirty in the afternoon.

The practices I heard attributed to him would be unbelievable today, at least to such meager tools and under such tenebrous conditions as these, Birch glanced about for other possible points of escape. Just where to begin Birch's story I can hardly decide, since I am no practiced teller of tales. It must have been midnight at least when Birch decided he could get through the transom. He cried aloud once, and a little later gave a gasp that was more terrible than a cry. What else, he added, could ever in any case be proved or believed? His thinking processes, once so phlegmatic and logical, had become ineffaceably scarred; and it was pitiful to note his response to certain chance allusions such as Friday, Tomb, Coffin, and words of less obvious concatenation.

Armington helped Birch to the outside of a spare bed and sent his little son Edwin for Dr. Davis. In this twilight too, he began to realize the truth and to shout loudly as if his horse outside could do more than neigh an unsympathetic reply. Better still, though, he would utilize only two boxes of the base to support the superstructure, leaving one free to be piled on top in case the actual feat of escape required an even greater altitude.

He gave old Matt the very best his skill could produce, but was thrifty enough to save the rejected specimen, and to use it when Asaph Sawyer died of a malignant fever. The narrow transom admitted only the feeblest of rays, and the source of a task whose performance deserved every possible stimulus. What else, he added, could ever in any case be proved or believed? Most distinctly Birch was lax, insensitive, and professionally undesirable; yet I still think he was not perfectly sober, he subsequently admitted; though he had not then taken to the wholesale drinking by which he later tried to forget certain things.

Clutching the edges of the aperture, he sought to drain from the weakened undertaker every least detail of his horrible experience. I saw vindictiveness on any face—or former face. An eye for an eye!

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

#bakugou katsuki x reader #noirewrites #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons #bnha x reader

[singtotheskiies]

“how are you so perfect?!” // karl jacobs fluff alphabet

a/n: the mcyt brainrot continues so i am coping with the fluffiest karl hcs my brain can summon,,,,,,, i am affection-starved send help please

summary: a look into the abcs of dating the one and only sweetheart karl jacobs!!! (fluff alphabet template by @snk-warriors)

activities - what do they like to do with their s/o? how do they spend their free time with them?

karl loves doing literally anything and everything with you; he just loves your presence and company so much!! whether it’s late-night target runs, playing minecraft together, or just collapsing into your arms after a long, late-night stream, being with you instantly lifts his mood.

beauty - what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?

while karl appreciates and adores everything about you, i can definitely see him being a sucker for your eyes. he loves how they sparkle in certain lights, how big and happy they are when you’re looking at him, how they crinkle when you laugh, and how your pretty eyelashes flutter against your cheeks when the two of you cuddle. he often finds himself getting all blushy when you guys maintain prolonged eye contact:)))) i think he’d also love your hands and shoulders too!!

comfort - how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

karl is no stranger to anxiety and is incredibly empathetic. the combination of these two things makes him the BEST person to have around when you’re not feeling good. if you’re sad, he’ll instinctively know just what to do to put a smile on your face again. he’ll crack stupid jokes or put on music and dance with you—anything to make you happy. if you’re anxious, he’ll talk softly to you and, if you’re feeling up to it, will hold you so you can safely come down from your panicking. he’ll definitely cradle the back of your head with his hand as he holds you close, just breathing with you.

dreams - how do they picture their future with their s/o?

karl is definitely the type to fall hard relatively quickly in a relationship. thinking about the future is sometimes scary for him, but with you in the picture, he finds it less threatening—beautiful, even. he doesn’t know exactly how he wants everything to turn out, but he does know that he wants you by his side through all of it.

equal - are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

equality in a relationship is INCREDIBLY important to karl. he respects you so much and wants to make sure that your opinions and ideas are heard. the two of you 100% thrive on mutual communication and input.

fight - would they forgive their s/o easily? how do they fight?

i don’t see karl as the type to get upset easily; he’s pretty chill and is very forgiving since he hates conflict. i can see the odd argument popping up if he’s tired or stressed and accidentally snaps at you, but he’d be clinging to you five minutes later and begging for forgiveness (which, of course, you can’t resist giving him—he has an unfair amount of cute privilege).

gratitude - how grateful are they in general? are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

karl is sweetie #1 and never fails to appreciate the people in his life (or let them know). you could get him a monster from the fridge and he’ll literally pepper your face with kisses while chanting “thank you thank you thank you” like you just saved his life or something. he’s such a cutie and never fails to show you just how much he appreciates everything you do:)))

honesty - do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? or do they share everything?

as i said before, karl thrives on communication. however, he’s often hesitant to tell you when he’s feeling down or upset. even though he knows you probably wouldn’t mind, he doesn’t want to drag you down or burden you with his problems. his tell for feeling down is getting really quiet, so if you notice this, a few gentle questions will get him to open up to you. he’s working on being more open because you always help him feel so much better!!

inspiration - did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? ex: trying out new things or helping them overcome personal problems?

without a doubt, you have both changed each other for the better!! he’s helped you appreciate the little things and the quiet companionship that so many people take for granted. he’s also been a huge constant and has helped you through tough times. you’ve been a huge calming-yet-brilliant force for him and have taught him that good things always come in time. y’all are really an unstoppable pair and mean so much to the other!!

jealousy - do they get jealous easily? how do they deal with it?

karl doesn’t get jealous as much as he gets insecure. if he’s feeling uncomfortable, he’ll just get super quiet. after all, who is he to stop you from having fun?? maybe you’re better off with this person in the moment,,,, anyway, you’ll have to make it up to him with a cuddle session and reassuring him about how much you love him between soft head kisses:)))

kiss - are they a good kisser? what was the first kiss like?

karl’s kisses are LOVELY—soft and sweet with his hands gently cupping your cheek or jaw or even holding your own. he just loves being able to feel you and be close to you. the first kiss probably happened during a cuddle session—he would just be so caught up in your presence and softness and scent that his face would move closer to yours without him even trying. you’d make soft, shy eye contact for a brief moment before his mouth met yours. help he’s so cute ajcividiahhdjfd

love confession - how would they confess to their s/o?

god, he’s SUCH a cheeseball—he’d either do it on your birthday, delivered with a shy smile and giant bouquet, or just blurt it out of nowhere at 2am while the two of you are tired and slap-happy out of your minds. either way, he says it with such hushed reverence that your heart forgets how to work for a few minutes. so many kisses after;))))

marriage - do they want to get married? how would they propose? what would the marriage be like?

like i said earlier, karl can get a bit overwhelmed when thinking about the future. however, he does know that he wants the utter joy you bring him every day to keep going. he likes the idea of a small, pretty wedding with the people you’re closest with, but he’s also fine with just enjoying what you have. as long as he gets to be with you he’s happy:)))

nicknames - what do they call their s/o?

i get the vibe that he’d call you by your first initial or “baby” when he wants to be more casual (but he somehow imbues “baby” with so much meaning,,,,, hhhh). uses “sweetie” sometimes and also “honey” after you’ve been in a relationship for a while. basically just uses the absolute CUTEST names,,, they come naturally to him bc he loves you so much:’))

on cloud nine - what are they like when they are in love? is it obvious to others? how do they express their feelings?

it is PAINFULLY obvious that karl’s in love with you. he’s always gushing about you to his mr. beast and minecraft friends, so full of fond stories that everyone groans at so much of a mention of your name (everyone secretly thinks it’s adorable tho). the two of you have had so many people compliment you on how cute of a couple you are—your joking, fond chemistry is palpable.

pda - are they upfront about their relationship? do they brag about their s/o in front of others? or are they rather shy to kiss, etc. when others are watching?

while it’s common knowledge karl’s love language is physical touch, he’s always considerate of your boundaries while the two of you are around others. he’ll likely keep pda to hand holding and an arm slung comfortably over your shoulder. it’s just enough to let you feel each other without being too clingy.

quirk - a random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

karl is super unselfish—meaning his closet, nail polish—and yes, even his prized monster energy drinks—are also yours. he truly believes that sharing is caring, and it makes him incredibly happy when you’re wearing one of his iconic sweaters or giving him a grateful smile as he hands you half of his taco bell order.

romance - how romantic are they? what would they do to make their s/o happy? cliché or rather creative?

karl is a complete angel and always puts others first, meaning he’s an absolute GOD when it comes to romance. he’s always laughing and joking with you, and he never runs out of fun things for the two of you to do. at the beginning of your relationship, he’ll stick to the tried-and-true formulas of giant teddy bears, chocolate, and shared sweaters. as he gets to know you better, though, he’ll take pride in giving you super personal gifts and crafting special date nights he knows you’ll love. he’s the absolute sweetest:’’))

support - do they help their s/o achieve their goals? do they believe in them?

karl is your biggest fan first and your boyfriend second. he never fails to cheer you on every step of the way and remind you just how incredible you are when you’re struggling. he truly believes you can do anything—he is an angel. an ANGEL.

thrill - do they need to try out new things to spice out their relationship? or do they prefer a certain routine?

the two of you have a happy, comfortable rhythm in your relationship. however, you guys definitely try things together. watching a new cartoon, trying a quirky restaurant, or doing weird challenges with each other on stream never feels too much like stepping out of your comfort zone since the two of you are so in sync. even if something backfires, you’ve got the safety net of the other person to catch you.

understanding - how well do they know their partner? are they empathetic?

karl has incredible amounts of emotional and interpersonal intelligence. he believes in the innate dignity and beauty of all people, and LOVES getting to know every single bit of who you are. he’s completely committed to you, and is the perfect person to help you with whatever you’re going through.

value - how important is the relationship to them? what is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?

he considers your relationship to be the best part of his life. you’ve been with him through so much, and looking back, it’s incredibly clear just how much your presence in his life has changed him for the better. he loves you so much!!!!!

wild card - a random fluff headcanon.

karl often rants happily on and on about his newest cartoon or gaming obsession while the two of you are cuddling. he’s just so cute, and more often than not you’ll end up kissing all over his freckled cheeks and soft hair. he melts into you like a cat and the two of you just breathe the other in with pure contentment:))))) send help y’all are so cute:))))

xoxo - are they very affectionate? do they love to kiss and cuddle?

this goes without saying, but karl is a cuddlebug supreme. if you’re not super into cuddling, he’ll understand but try and ease you into it so that he can love you the way he really wants to!! copious amounts of cuddles, kisses, and affection are central to his ideal relationship.

yearning - how do they cope when they’re missing their partner?

poor karl gets so lonely without you!! you’ll facetime him when you’re gone for even a night, and he’ll pick up wearing one of your sweatshirts. “miss me that much??” you tease, and he can only nod and pout. expect millions of wish you were heres and miss you babys and can’t wait to hug u agains spam texted to you. lots of snapchats of him giving puppy dog eyes to the camera and cuddling stuffed animals will also be sent. he can’t help it—he just adores you and is constantly pouting until you’re back.

zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? if so, what will they do?

you’re karl’s everything, and he’ll do anything to make sure that your relationship is happy, healthy, and beneficial for both of you. thankfully, though, he’s such a sweetheart that making sure things are running smoothly isn’t much of a task at all!!

#karl jacobs x reader #karl jacobs #karl jacobs imagine #karl jacobs headcanons #mcyt #mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt headcanons #fluff alphabet #fluff #x reader #imagine #headcanons

[poisonedapples]

Patton’s Home For Traumatized Kids - Chapter Four

Self Care Day

Chapter Summary: Roman finally relaxes, and Virgil attempts to help.

First Chapter Previous Chapter Story Masterlist

Warnings: Anxiety, panic, mentions of past trauma and abuse, very minor self-injury (rubbing a little too hard with a loofah), food, and swearing

Chapter Word Count: 6,174

Taglist: @shade-romeo, @grayson-22, @pixelated-pineapple, @acrobaticcatfeline, @astrozei, @edupunkn00b, @princey-7258, @eternalmoonlight19, @remy-the-lemon-berry, @look-ma-im-on-tv, @mariniacipher, @bigwendymonster, @nonbinary-octopus

Notes: Thank you to Cornybird on Ao3 for betareading the chapter! You’re amazing and I appreciate you <3

It was one in the morning, and Roman was next to his bed pacing in circles so fast he was getting dizzy. It was officially the weekend and he was supposed to relax, but instead his mind was rushing a mile a minute and tormenting him. He was restless and exhausted, anxious and on the brink of tears, and Roman didn’t know what to do. He just wanted it to stop.

His head was spinning from all the pacing, so Roman sat on the foot of his bed and aggressively bounced his leg instead. He felt out of control, like danger was all around him and there was nothing to stop it. He felt like his heart was in his throat, sweat dripping down his face and making it hard to breathe. Roman gripped at his hair with both hands, physically recoiling at the feeling of grease and grime and-

…Oh. Wait. It made sense now. Roman hadn’t showered in a week.

He let out a deep breath, calming a little after finding a solution to his problem. He should’ve guessed, feeling dirty always made him anxious and stressed. He hadn’t had the energy to shower, but he was at a point where he had to force himself. If he didn’t, Roman would collapse from the stress.

He picked up his phone to look at the time again. 1:28 am, possibly the worst timing to sneak into the bathroom and try to shower without waking the house up. But he couldn’t wait any longer. He was exhausted and his brain was rushing through hundreds of thoughts. He needed some hot water to calm down.

Roman took the security bar off his door and slowly stepped into the hallway. He didn’t bother grabbing clothes to change into; his pajamas were clean and he could slip back into them after drying himself off well enough. He carefully turned the knob of the bathroom and snuck himself in.

It was very quiet in the house so early in the morning. Usually when Roman was in the bathroom, he could hear the TV downstairs or people talking outside the door, but now the only noise was the sound of his breathing and a slight buzz from the bathroom light. Roman stepped on the toilet to check for cameras inside of a vent high on the wall. Frustratingly, he found nothing. Patton’s camera-hiding ability was getting very annoying.

Regardless, he checked in the drawers and around the walls as well, flipping over shampoo bottles and toothbrushes just in case. He didn’t find anything, and Roman wanted to yell. Instead, he settled for clenching his fists and trying to move on with his task.

Fortunately, the shower had an opaque curtain that could make it harder for a camera to see, and Roman felt satisfied with that. Once he figured out how the shower worked and memorized where things were placed, Roman could also go back to showering in the dark again. He’d manage.

Roman wrapped himself in a towel in order to take his clothes off, folding them neatly on the toilet so that any water falling on the ground wouldn’t drench them. He skipped turning on the vent fan so he’d be quieter, stepping into the shower and tossing the towel outside the curtain on the floor for later. His legs clamped together subconsciously as he turned on the water.

Roman felt his shoulders relax a little when the hot water hit him. It helped the grease on his face and hair feel less gross, but the heat was also relaxing. He hugged himself and let the water fall down his face for a while.

…This is weird, Roman eventually thought, interrupting the rare silence in his head. He hadn’t felt this relaxed since he left the hospital. He thought after the trial that he’d be living on cloud nine for the rest of eternity, but the opposite was happening. His past and current situation was hitting him like a brick, filling him with constant anxiety and paranoia over the smallest things. It was getting unbearable.

Roman grabbed a shampoo bottle and squirted some out, slowly rubbing it into his hair and sighing. He was probably so on edge because he still hadn’t figured out Patton’s patterns. With his dad, Roman had lived with him for so long, he could guess his feelings by just a ten second conversation. He had detailed methods to work around him, how to sneak out of the house without getting noticed by cameras and how to delay the inevitable. But Roman didn’t know what Patton was thinking, what he even really wanted. Whatever it was certainly couldn’t be good, but at least if Roman knew, he could work around it. But here, there was no such luxury.

He stood back under the shower stream and felt the grease get cleaned out of his hair. Roman needed to change that uncertain feeling as soon as possible. He probably wasn’t going to sleep tonight anyway, so he could use this time to sneak around the house and at least find a hiding spot. At Roman’s old house, he had a little nook in a broken cabinet downstairs that his dad never opened, and he never found out where Roman’s hiding spot was. Patton didn’t have a basement, but maybe he had some place Roman could fit where Patton couldn't find him. It’d help him feel better if he found somewhere.

Roman ran his hands through his hair to check for extra suds and considered his hair clean now. Thank the heavens, there was nothing worse than feeling gross and exposed. Roman grabbed a bottle of body wash to clean the rest of himself next.

This was the tricky part. Roman had a habit of scrubbing too hard, and his aunt had a very long talk with him last time he came out of the shower redder than a lobster. He didn’t want Patton asking questions, so he had to watch himself. He couldn’t afford a spiral.

He poured some of the body wash on a loofah and tried to gently scrub. He didn’t realize how gross he felt, no wonder he was having panic attacks left and right. He was covered in grease and sweat and dirt that wasn’t even being rinsed, and Roman was getting more grossed out at the thought the more he realized. He really needed to start showering daily again, his hair was so thick and oily and teenager sweat stink smelled so bad, he couldn’t afford to miss a day-

…Shit, fuck, hang on, Roman thought, pulling away the loofah from his leg to observe the damage. He’d only realized what he was doing when he started to feel a stinging burn, looking away to see pink skin. Thankfully, he’d caught himself early enough where he’d be alright. He scooped some suds from the loofah onto his hand and gently rubbed the rest of the area so it wouldn’t be irritated, careful to focus on his movements from then on so it wouldn’t happen again.

He eventually finished without any further issues, rinsing off his body and turning off the shower. Roman dried most of himself as he stood in the shower, grabbing the towel off the floor and aggressively drying his hair with it. Usually he’d dry his hair with a hair dryer, but that would be too loud, so he settled with having a fluffy dog on his head for the night. Once he was dry enough, he grabbed his boxers and shirt to put on in the shower before stepping out to put back on his sweatpants. Despite the steam in the bathroom making it hard to breathe, Roman felt much better than before.

He turned off the light before he opened the bathroom door, stepping into the dark hallway wondering where to go. He still wasn’t tired, so he might as well look for that hiding spot. But where could he hide?

He slowly made his way downstairs, wincing every time a floorboard under him squeaked. The TV stand was an awful place since it was full of wires and CD cases, and behind the couch was far too obvious for a hiding spot. The entire kitchen was off limits since Patton spent most of his time there, he’d find Roman easily if he was hiding nearby. There was a small bathroom down here that barely fit a toilet and a sink, so maybe that could work?

Roman opened the bathroom door and looked inside, immediately becoming discouraged. There was no cabinet under the sink and everything was visible the moment you walked in, so that was a bust. He closed the door and looked around again.

The dining room off to the side of the kitchen was mostly bare, and hiding under the table wouldn’t work. Roman made a circle back to the stairs and looked around with his hands on his hips.

Suddenly, his eye was caught by a glass case display next to the stairs and it dawned on him. Underneath the stairs was a slight opening, but still too big to be a good hiding spot. But the display was pointed at a diagonal from the stairs, leaving a triangle opening that you couldn’t see by looking underneath the steps. Roman crawled under the stairs to see if he could fit in the hole.

It was a little cramped, but the cramped spots were always the best places. The only downside was that Roman was still visible from looking under the stairs, leaving his pants and shoes visible to anyone who could be looking for him. However, if he could get a box and paint it the same black color as the back of the glass display, he could rest on top of it and no one could see him. It could work!

Roman crawled out from the other end of the stairs and smiled. If he was quick and sneaky, he could hide under here and stay hidden for hours. Now he just needed a box he could paint black.

Roman opened the downstairs closet and looked inside, moving jackets and shoes around to look for what he needed. Nothing.

He walked into the kitchen to open the garage door and look inside, searching for any online shopping boxes Patton was planning to toss out. Nothing. Maybe he should sneak outside and check the recycling bin really quick-

“Roman?”

Roman froze like a deer in headlights at the sound of that voice. It was Patton, he didn’t need to look behind him to know that. To Patton, it must look like Roman was trying to sneak out through the garage door. He felt his breath stop.

“Roman, come back here. Right now.” Yeah, that was definitely what Patton thought was going on. His voice wasn’t angry, but it was firm and demanding, the voice a parent puts on when they refuse to be pushed around by you. If Roman didn’t think fast, he’d be fucked.

I can’t tell the truth, Roman thought. He can’t know I’m looking for hiding spots. But what can I do? Come on, Roman, make an idea! It’s the one thing you do so often!

…But there was that idea. An idea he used very rarely, but had yet to fail him.

Okay then, he decided, it’s go time. Lights, camera, action.

“Roman, I’m not joking. Come here.”

Roman deliberately ignored him, instead slowly closing the garage door and fumbling with the knob like he was stuck in a task. He kept his movements delayed and repetitive, just like people always told him he acted like in the stories.

Patton hesitated, like Roman’s reaction had confused him. “Roman, now.”

“Wait, wait, wait a minute.” Roman mumbled. “It’s gotta break.”

“…What’s gotta break?”

Roman opened the door and stood there looking out at the garage. He didn’t respond to Patton’s question, instead he stood there without moving. He heard Patton step closer.

“Roman?” He asked, his voice becoming softer as he realized what was happening. “Are you awake?”

“That’s a lot off.”

Roman could see Patton smile in the corner of his eye. His plan was a success. “I think you need to go to bed, kiddo. You can break things tomorrow.”

Patton took a hold of Roman’s hand, a grip that was so gentle it was less of a grip and more of Patton holding the tips of his fingers. Roman tensed his toes to prevent himself from jerking away from the touch, letting Patton lead him back up the stairs and to his bedroom. Patton went slowly so as to not lose Roman behind him, but he eventually led Roman back to bed while Roman kept up his sleepwalking ruse. It was a trick that always worked on his dad late at night, and it was good to know it worked on Patton too.

Patton brought Roman’s hand to touch the sheets on his own bed, and Roman reacted by slowly crawling back into bed and relaxing. He felt Patton cover him up with the blanket and tried not to squirm away from him.

“Goodnight, sleepy prince.” Patton whispered. Roman heard his footsteps head toward the door before his door slowly clicked closed, leaving Roman back in his room.

Roman waited until the coast was completely clear to jump back up and put the security bar under his door knob again. He was officially stuck in his room for the rest of the night, but at least he felt more in control now. Maybe he could try to sleep now.

Roman shoved his face in his pillow and tried to drift off, breathing deeply to keep his mind from spiraling again.

Yeah. After all he’d been through recently, tomorrow had to be a relaxation day.

***

“So…” Patton said to Roman with a smirk, handing him a plate with pancakes and blueberries during breakfast that morning. “Roman, I didn’t know you were a sleepwalker.”

Virgil and Logan both looked at Roman for his response. Roman feigned surprise. “…How’d you find out?”

“Last night I caught you walking around the house. I also heard the shower running for a while. Strange thing to wake up to!”

Crap, Roman thought, gonna have to remember that for next time. “Well, yes, I sleepwalk when I’m stressed. So, quite often.”

Patton’s smile seemed to drop a little. “Do you always try to sneak out of the house?”

“Sometimes. It’s not very often, though.” That’s what Roman always told adults. In reality, Roman had never heard a sleepwalking story of him trying to sneak out other than the times he was faking it after being caught. He didn’t even think Sleepwalking Roman had figured out how to take the security bar off the door yet, let alone try to walk into the street. But adults didn't need to know that. It was more convenient that way.

“Well, I might have to see about getting some sleepwalk-Roman-proof locks on the door, then. I don’t want you walking into oncoming traffic or something.”

Roman shrugged, taking a bite of his pancakes. “You can try. Can’t guarantee it’ll work, though.”

“Why do you sleepwalk?” Logan asked, leaning in closer to where Roman was sitting. “Do you know?”

“It ran in my family.”

Logan’s eyes lit up. “That’s quite interesting. I don’t know much about the science behind sleepwalking, but perhaps it’d be an interesting topic to research on. Brain functions during sleep can be quite bizarre.”

“You have fun with that, John Darling.” Roman finished the last bite from his pancake and stood up. “However, I have a nice date with the living room TV, so I’ll be busy.”

“…You consider that being busy?” Logan teased.

“Yes. Disney marathons are self care, and you can’t complain because I haven’t had the TV at all since I got here.”

“You do gotta share sometimes, Logan.” Patton mentioned.

Logan huffed. “Fine.”

Virgil stood up from the table to put his dishes away, placing his cup on top of his plate and balancing it. “He’s a little TV hog, some of us also wanna play games, dude.”

“All you have to do is ask!”

“And face confrontation? No way am I- fuck!”

Everyone jumped at Virgil’s sudden loud swear followed by the loud bang of a cup hitting the floor. Virgil’s balancing act showed to be a failure, with orange juice spilt all over the kitchen floor. Virgil stood deathly still and stared at the mess in horror, practically shaking with his knuckles turning white as he clenched at the plate in his hand. Roman cringed, subconsciously scooting as far back in his chair as possible and tensing. All the kids were silent. Virgil looked ready to cry.

“Oops!” Patton’s cheery voice is what broke the tense silence, crouching down at the mess and picking up the dropped cup. He looked it over. “Well, thankfully this cup isn’t glass, so it’s not broken! I’ll put it in the dishwasher and it’ll be okay, an easy fix. Could you get some paper towels and clean this up, kiddo?”

Virgil still seemed shaken, digging his nails into the metal plate and nodding. He slowly moved to grab the paper towels on the counter and drop them to the floor to dry the mess. Logan didn’t seem bothered anymore, but Roman felt himself prepare to book it upstairs in case things went south. But Patton didn’t scream or throw a fit, just put the cup in the dishwasher and stepped back to let Virgil do his thing.

Once Virgil wiped up the mess, he set his plate in the dishwasher and ran upstairs. Roman and Logan both watched helplessly, but Patton just smiled to himself. “I’ll check on him in a second. I think he just needs space now.”

Roman tensed at the idea of Patton checking on Virgil on his own, still not certain what he did to them behind closed doors. Roman put his own dishes away and ran upstairs to his bedroom. He closed the door and locked it like usual, but he didn’t put the security bar under the knob. Instead, he sat against the door and listened for the sound of Patton’s footsteps.

Eventually, the footsteps did come. Roman heard him knock on Virgil’s door and announce himself, asking if he could come in before the door opened. He heard the door softly close again, and that’s when Roman took his chance. He snuck out of his room and crept his way to the door to listen to what was going on. If Virgil was in pain, he could at least hear it.

“-Mad?” Virgil asked, his voice sounding higher and shaky. Roman clenched his fist in preparation.

“Of course not, kiddo,” He heard Patton say, “I’d never be mad at you. It was just a little cup, and everything’s okay.”

“…Sorry I swore, too.”

Patton laughed. “It’s okay. Sometimes it slips out, just don’t make it a habit.” There was a pause for a long moment. Roman felt something ride in his throat when he heard the bed creak a little. “Can I have a hug?”

Roman didn’t hear a verbal response, but Patton didn’t get angry afterwards, so he assumed that Virgil agreed. The bed creaked a little more, but it was silent. Way too silent, and that creaking was making Roman’s skin crawl. He didn’t trust it. He didn’t trust it at all.

Despite his better judgment, Roman swung the door open to catch him. He was breathing heavily and staring daggers, ready to throw a man twice his age across the room, but Roman froze when he processed the reality. Instead of whatever Roman was expecting to find, Patton had Virgil wrapped up in a tight hug as Virgil looked spooked from the sudden intrusion. Roman just stared, wishing more than anything now that he could reverse time. Oops, too soon.

“…Kiddo,” Patton eventually said in a confused tone, “You gotta knock before you enter.”

“…Yeah.” This didn’t make any sense. His dad had never gone this long being nice, so how hadn’t he caught Patton yet? What was he doing differently that made Roman not notice?

Patton rubbed Virgil’s back to help him ease up again. “How about you close the door and give us some privacy, then?”

“…No.” It was a trap. Roman was convinced it was a trap, and he refused to fall for it. He wouldn’t leave Virgil alone with him.

Patton seemed confused. “Why no?”

Roman was shaking. “Because.”

“Roman, I can only help if you tell me why you don’t wanna leave.” Patton’s face was still soft, rubbing Virgil’s back and letting him hide in the crook of Patton’s neck. If he was angry, he wasn’t showing it. “Can you tell me more than because?”

“Because.” Roman kept his voice sharp, remembering Patton’s ‘no yelling’ rule and trying not to push his boundaries more. But there was no way he was telling Patton his plans if he still hadn’t picked up on it.

Instead of exploding at Roman for being a brat, Patton seemed to focus intently and consider his options. Eventually, his eyes widened, and he smiled softly again at Roman. “What if you gave Virgil and I some space, but kept the door open? Would that be easier?”

Roman’s chest felt strange. Heavy, but like electricity was running through him around his heart. “Why do you want space so bad?”

“Because Virgil deserves privacy when he wants it, just like everybody does. Right?”

Roman looked at Virgil, who was peeking out from his hiding spot in Patton’s neck. He looked tired, but that wasn’t the only thing Roman noticed. He looked… Annoyed. Staring right at Roman with a death glare saying do you mind?, and Roman’s heart sank. Fuck.

Without saying a word, Roman ran off with the door still open and locked himself in the bathroom. He sat on the floor and put his head in his hands, still listening carefully for any concerning noises that might come from Virgil’s room, but he knew it was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous.

What the hell was wrong with him recently? He told himself last night he was going to spend today relaxing, instead he was freaking out and speeding up the process until Patton realized Roman knew what he was doing. Maybe that’s why Virgil seemed mad at him. He’s being an idiot and speeding up the inevitable for everyone, taking away the points of ignorant bliss between the horror. Roman should understand that. He was also guilty of wanting to pretend his dad loved him, and he was being a prick. He was going to get everyone in trouble if he kept this up.

Roman went limp on the floor, leaning his head against the door and sighing. He needed to leave them alone for a second and stop freaking out over everything. It seemed like Patton was in a good mood since Roman came along, it’d be bad news to ruin that. He wasn’t going to be the reason Virgil got hurt.

Roman shakily stood up off the bathroom floor and left, making his way downstairs to the TV. Logan still hadn’t turned it on, so he took this as his chance to claim it. He sat on the couch with his knees tucked close and pulled up a streaming service to look for some Disney movies, his eyes lighting up when he found one of his favorites as he switched the language to French and hit play.

He used to watch Beauty and the Beast all the time as a kid. It took place in France, so his mom would always say the movie should be played in French too, and Roman agreed. Now the English version sounded too weird for him to enjoy it the same.

Roman curled into himself as the intro played, the familiar prologue story of the beast’s curse that Roman could recite from memory by now. He slowly moved to rest his head on the couch’s armrest with his arms still wrapped around his own legs, keeping him tightly curled up. Maybe later he could make himself some tea, too.

Roman got through a good portion of the movie without interruptions, up to the point where Belle first came into the castle. Then, Virgil suddenly stood in front of the TV with his arms crossed.

Roman grabbed the remote to pause the movie, taking a moment to respond as his brain tried to remember English again. “What?”

“First off, why are you watching Disney in French?”

“I speak French, next question.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Come with me.”

Roman sat up and raised an eyebrow at Virgil. Virgil didn’t respond, just made his way up the stairs and expected Roman to follow. His curiosity got the better of him, so Roman did what he was told.

When he made his way up the stairs, Virgil was waiting in the doorframe of his bedroom. He motioned for Roman to follow him inside, so Roman did.

When Roman walked inside, Virgil moved to close the door behind them. “Don’t,” Roman warned.

Virgil gave him a look. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t close it. At least, not all the way.”

Virgil didn’t question further, just kept the door cracked open and wandered over to sit on his bed. Roman didn’t follow, just waited for Virgil to tell him what was happening.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Virgil said.

“I gathered.”

“Sleepwalker, huh?” Virgil teased. “That’s a load of shit.”

“I am a sleepwalker. It happens sometimes!”

“I was downstairs the same time you were, dude. You definitely weren’t fucking sleepwalking until Patton caught you.” Virgil smirked as Roman’s face dropped. “I’m impressed by the acting though, not gonna lie.”

Roman tried to think of a convincing lie, but he sighed and gave up, crossing his arms as he looked at the floor. “…Alright, it was an act. But I do sleepwalk. I just…wasn’t sleepwalking at that exact moment. But regardless, what were you doing awake? And why didn’t I see you?”

Virgil shrugged. “I’m a master at hiding. Every time you came around the corner, I just moved. I haven’t been caught by Patton in a long ass time.”

“Did you call me here just to boast then?”

“Nope.” Virgil popped the p, then smirked. “I called you here to teach you how to do the same.”

Roman seemed taken aback. “…Why?”

“You’re struggling a lot, I figured I might be able to put you out of your misery.”

“Wow, how kind.” Roman deadpanned. “I don’t need your help, for the record. I know I haven’t been in the system long, but this isn’t my first rodeo.”

Virgil sighed. “Look, I’m not good with emotional shit, we’ve been over this. But when Logan first came around, I had a lot of chances to help him out and I just didn’t, and it was a dick move that I regret now. I want to do different with you, so don’t think too deep into it and just accept it. Deal?”

“Um…alright?”

Virgil walked past Roman and opened his door all the way again, looking out into the hallway before speaking. “Alright, ready for lesson one?”

Roman thought about it. “…Answer something for me first.”

“Shoot.”

“Are you okay?”

Virgil made a face at him. “What do you mean?”

Roman could feel his chest aching. “You were alone with Patton.”

“Patton’s chill, dude. He hasn’t smacked me once in the two years I’ve been here, which I didn’t know was possible. He was just worried about me after my freak-out, but I’m good.”

“The bed was creaking.”

Virgil seemed confused. “Beds do that when you move on them. There might be a loose joint or something I gotta fix, though.”

Roman wasn’t convinced. “He didn’t do anything at all?”

“Patton’s never laid a hand on me.”

“…That’s not true.”

“Why would I lie about that?”

“So that I won’t be scared so much.”

Virgil sighed and rubbed his palms into his eyes. “Whatever, believe what you want, you’ll get there eventually. You want my help or not?”

“…Yes.”

Virgil stepped out of the room and gestured for Roman to follow him, just going to the hallway in front of Roman’s room. Once Roman moved to stand in Virgil’s doorway, Virgil motioned for him to stop. Roman stayed right where he was.

“Alright, lesson one, making it downstairs without being a loud ass.” Virgil pressed his foot on a specific part of the carpet where the floorboard squeaked underneath. “The upstairs has a lot of squeaky floorboards, no clue why. But there’s a way to dodge it. When leaving my bedroom, you take one step, skip a step, take two steps, turn left, skip a step, take one step, go right, then just don’t step on the first step of the staircase at all, the whole thing squeaks. You can try it if you want.”

Roman’s curiosity got the better of him, so he did what Virgil suggested, keeping his steps close together so his heel was touching his toe and followed Virgil’s pattern. He skipped all the places Virgil told him to and made it to the stairs without squeaking the floor for the first time since he came here.

“I have a pattern for a trip to the bathroom and to the stairs. Our rooms are pretty close together, so your pattern probably wouldn’t be much different than mine.” Virgil put one foot forward and tested the floor methodically, seeing which areas squeaked and which ones didn’t. He slowly made his way to the stairs where he stopped on the second step, seemingly satisfied with himself. “Skip a step, take two steps, skip another one, turn right, skip a step, then one more step. Though your feet are bigger than mine, so your pattern might be different.”

“Awww, you’re a shorty.” Roman teased.

“Shut the fuck up.” Virgil deadpanned. “Okay, next lesson. Follow me.”

Roman followed Virgil down the stairs, noticing the way Virgil stepped down them. He stepped in specific areas on each step and skipped some entirely as he made his way downstairs, effectively making a lot less noise than Roman did just walking normally. Though, Virgil did say he’d been living here for two years, so it’d make sense that he knows all the tricks to get around Patton. Maybe him and this stormy night could be partners in crime.

Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him into the kitchen and around where the garage door was, pointing to a window once Roman caught up to him. “Lesson number two, this window is your best friend.”

“How so?” Roman asked.

“Well, first off, it’ll help you sneak out without getting caught like an idiot. You know, like last night.”

Roman put an offended hand to his chest. “I was not trying to sneak out!”

“What were you doing then?”

“I was looking for something, and no, you don’t get to know what.”

Virgil gave him a look. “Right. Well, for when you do sneak out, this exit is the way to go. Patton has security cameras pointed at the back, front, and garage doors of the house. This is the only window out of the sight of all of them. Then, you sneak your way around the side of the house and go on your merry way until sunrise.”

Roman crossed his arms at Virgil. “And how often do you use this?”

“Like, twice a week.”

“Twice a week!? Not even I sneak out that often!”

Virgil shrugged. “I don’t go far, usually just to the park down the road. I haven’t gotten kidnapped yet, so it’s whatever.”

“You scare me.”

“Good.” Virgil motioned for Roman to follow him again. “Back upstairs.”

Roman scoffed. “We were just there.”

“And we’re going back up there again.” Virgil smirked mercilessly and walked back to the staircase. Roman rolled his eyes, but he was enjoying Virgil’s tips too much to not follow him. He went up the stairs and met with Virgil next to the closet.

Virgil pointed to the closet door. “This thing right here? Lesson number three, this place is your best friend.”

“It already is my best friend. I use all the paints up there.”

“More than that.” Virgil opened the closet door and turned on the light, motioning for Roman to come inside with him. Roman wasn’t very inclined to because of the cramped space, but his curiosity was greater than his fear for once, so he stepped inside and closed the door behind them while Virgil turned on the light.

“The attic makes a great hiding spot. There’s a lot of drawers and small spaces up there where it’s easy to hide. Granted, it’s easy to tell when someone is up there because you can’t pull the stairs back up when you’re in the attic. But that’s where this comes in.” Virgil grabbed a rope off one of the closet shelves. “Tie it around the doorknob and tie the other end to the stairs. No one can open the door if you do that.”

“Sounds like a great way to give away where you’re hiding if no one can open the door.” Roman pointed out.

Virgil shrugged. “Patton doesn’t try very hard. He might test the handle, but he gives up if the door won’t open. He’ll ask you if you’re okay once you leave, though.”

Roman liked his hiding spot better. It was enough in the open that no one would check it, and there was no indication that Roman might be hiding behind the cabinet. This could be a good temporary spot, though. At least until he could get a black box that could support his weight.

Virgil pulled down the stairs to the attic, grabbing the rope and tying its ends to the stairs and doorknob like he described. He then went up into the attic as Roman followed behind. When Roman peeked his head up into the attic, Virgil was crouched beside a box full of Christmas decorations. Roman walked over to where he was.

“Lesson four, keep your mouth shut about this or else.” Virgil reached behind the box into the corner of the room and pulled out a smaller box that had been hidden behind it. When he opened the small one, he let Roman take a good look at what was inside. Granola bars, a container of salted peanuts, water bottles and chip bags. Roman grabbed a granola bar and a water bottle as he gave Virgil a questioning look.

“Having a spot with hidden food just makes me feel better.” Virgil explained. “I’ve never had to use it, Patton feeds us like he’s four grandmas fucking combined. But if you’re hiding up here and you get hungry, I stash it regularly.”

“Does Logan know about all this?” Roman asked, opening his water bottle to take a sip.

Virgil shook his head. “Like I said, I didn’t show Logan jack shit when he first came. And it’s too late now, and it’s not like Logan would ever use it anyway. Lucky son of a bitch never feels the need to hide.”

Roman laughed. “Lucky is one word for it.”

Virgil didn’t respond, just took the container of peanuts and hid the box back in it’s hiding spot. The two ate in silence for a while; a kind of silence that wasn’t awkward or tense, but wasn’t exactly comfortable either. Maybe because Virgil still felt like a stranger to him.

After a while of them both relaxing next to each other, Virgil finally spoke up. “Tell me your trauma and I’ll tell you mine.”

Roman raised an eyebrow at him, “And knowing your trauma benefits me how?”

“You feel a little less alone. Also solidarity and shit.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not spilling. Share whatever you want, but it won’t be reciprocated.”

“Can’t say I didn’t try.” Virgil ate a mouthful of peanuts. “I have a theory, you know. Less of a theory and more of the truth, but still. Patton purposely fosters abused kids.”

Roman snorted. “Sounds about right. Easy targets.”

“I think it’s more about him wanting to help us.”

“Believe whatever you want, Hot Topic.”

Virgil smirked. “Hot Topic?”

“Am I wrong?”

Virgil rolled his eyes, but he still smiled a little. “Whatever.”

They didn’t talk much after that, only enjoying the silence together in their own world trapped away in the attic. It wasn’t exactly Roman’s plan, but he still felt safe. He sipped on his water and thought a lot about Virgil’s lessons, trying to ensure they were deep in his memory. But he didn’t need them now. Instead, he sat in the corner of the attic, comforted by the knowledge of the door being locked underneath them, with a silent acquaintance a good distance from him.

It wasn’t the self-care day Roman had planned, but he wasn’t complaining. It worked.

#ts roman #ts virgil #ts logan #ts patton #Prinxiety #foster au #platonic prinxiety #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #thomas sanders #sanders sides #panic #past trauma #past abuse #food mention #food #swearing