#i hate that out of every stressful situation i've been in this year this is what fucked me over

[lila-lou]

✨Needy✨

Summary: Jensen finally comes home after weeks of filming and shows you how much he missed you.

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: 18+ only! Language, smut, pregnant reader

Word Count: 2477

A/N: No hate towards anybody. It's just fiction.

English isn’t my first language, so please be lenient. 💙✨

"How do you feel?".

You were currently laying on your large sofa in the living room, your head resting on your left hand while your right hand caressed your belly.

“I’m fine Jay, really”, you smiled at your boyfriend, who was walking over to you with a beer and an orange juice. He looked beyond tired and exhausted. Not surprising considering he only landed four hours ago.

Austin wasn't known for large snowfalls in the winter, so this exceptional situation had led to complications with flights. Jensen's already long flight landed over three hours late, which didn't help his mood. When he saw his pregnant fiancée curled up on the sofa with a broken rib, he was more than pissed. Jensen had only endured the last few weeks on set because he was clinging to the thought that he would soon be able to hold you in his arms again. You and your unborn baby. You've been calling each other every night for the past two weeks to pass the wait, but not once have you mentioned your broken rib.

“Here you go”, Jensen tried to say as nicely as he could while handing you the orange juice, but all the words that came out of his mouth were mumbled. He actually knew that he shouldn't ruin the evening with a bad mood, but the last few weeks had taken a toll on him and his nerves were frayed. Not only was everything going haywire on set, but he also missed you. You were five months pregnant and he felt like he had already missed everything.

You gratefully accepted the glass and took a long sip before setting it aside. Jensen stared blankly at the television, which was playing a horror movie.

“Hey”, you sighed, taking his free hand in yours. “I just didn’t want to burden you unnecessarily. You were always so worried about me and the Baby and with all the stress on set, I thought you wouldn't have to worry about more. I went to the doctor and it’s not that bad”, you tried to explain yourself, but Jensen just rolled his eyes.

“(y/n), you are carrying our child! Do you really think there is something more important at the moment than you and your well-being?”, he replied, still slightly irritated. Of course Jensen was worried and you loved him more than anything for that, but sometimes he could be really overprotective.

“If I promise you, that I won't withhold anything from you anymore, can we please end the evening somewhat peacefully? You didn’t even kiss me when you came in”, you murmur towards the end. Jensen took a long sip of beer and sighed in resignation. Of course he knew he was acting like an ass and that you absolutely didn't deserve that, but he was just worried and stressed.

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just... the last few weeks have been really stressful and... I feel like I've already missed so much with the little worm", Jensen admitted a little desperately before gently pulling you into his arms. “Besides, I missed you terribly”, he kissed your head lightly.

“Jay… I’m only five months pregnant. We still have four long and wonderful months ahead of us before things get tricky with you being away. You haven't missed anything yet. Except maybe my morning sickness and trust me, you should be glad you weren't there". You tried your best to lighten the mood a little, even if it really wasn't easy. Slowly but surely you could feel him relax. “I hope so”, he murmured before pulling your face to his and finally placing his lips on yours.

“Now tell me about the shoot”, you whispered against his lips with a big grin. While Jensen started talking about his new colleagues and the set, you made yourself comfortable in his arms and pulled the blanket a little higher.

Almost a year ago you moved in with Jensen. You previously had a pretty stressful long-distance relationship. While you were completing your studies in Seattle, Jensen was mostly in Toronto filming “The Boys”. In his free time, he often took the opportunity to spend time with his three children in Austin. Since he was always on the plane, jumping from appointment to appointment, you were usually the one who visited him. It quickly became clear that Jensen wasn't leaving Austin to move in with you, so you had no choice but to leave Seattle.

Luckily you already liked Austin and settled in very quickly.

Jensen had no plans to have any more children, and you hadn't thought about children either. But after your delayed and somewhat escalated housewarming party, contraception wasn't particularly emphasized.

The moment you finally told Jensen about the pregnancy was probably the worst moment of your life. You were so afraid to tell him that it took you forever to say the words without them being swallowed up by your sobs.

Of course, Jensen was anything but enthusiastic, after all, he already had three wonderful children and after his divorce from Danneel, he was happy to take things a little slower with you. However, it didn't take long for him to come to terms with the idea of becoming a father for the fourth time. He still had bad days every now and then where he worried it would all be too much, but overall, he did very well. And now he couldn't wait to finally hold the little munchkin in his arms.

While Jensen told you about his time on set, now in more detail than on the phone, his hand, somewhat distracted, stroked your small baby bump.

“Are you coming to the doctor’s appointment tomorrow? My doctor said we might be able to tell the gender”. Jensen continued to hold you tightly in his arms, your legs crossed over his lap and your head resting lightly on his biceps as he looked down at you.

“Of course, I’ll come”, he kissed your nose. “It’s just the three of us for the next two weeks”. His gaze moved from your eyes down to your belly.

“Is it kicking yet?”, Jensen’s eyes sparkled slightly. You'd think that after three kids he would already know it all, but unfortunately, he was on set for most of his ex-wife's two pregnancies and so wasn't as involved as he would have liked.

“Well, I definitely feel the movements, but they are hardly real kicks. In about 6 weeks you should be able to feel the kicks”, you told him as you watched his hand move in light circles over your belly.

After a while Jensen looked up again. “Being pregnant suits you”, he grinned at you, making you roll your eyes with a chuckle.

“You know how to make a woman blush”, you replied, playfully hitting his chest.

Jensen leaned down to you and pressed his lips lightly to the spot under your ear.

“I know damn well how to make a woman come too”, he whispered harshly to you.

You couldn't help but press your thighs together as a shiver ran down your spine. Despite the fact that you had been together for so long, Jensen still had a strong effect on you. "You think so?", You breathed as he started kissing your neck.

You giggled, your breath hitching slightly. You did not receive an immediate response. Instead, Jensen pulled you onto his lap in one quick movement. As you straddled his legs, he grabbed your ass somewhat roughly with both hands and pushed you closer to him. His lips slid down your neck, leaving wet kisses behind.

“It’s been far too long, sweetheart,” he murmured deeply, his breath hot against your soft skin.

While he kept one hand flat on your lower back, he slipped his other hand into your sweatpants before leaning in to kiss you.

“Actually, I imagined our reunion a little differently”, you whispered against his slightly parted lips, which only lightly touched yours. “With fancy and hot underwear, you know?”.

Jensen couldn't help but laugh lightly, but he stopped with a deep moan when he felt how wet you already were. “Shit baby, I’ve barely touched you and you’re already dripping”, he grinned slightly arrogant. If you weren't so incredibly turned on, you probably would have rolled your eyes. Jensen gently rubbed his fingertips over your soaked clit, making you moan immediately.

“Jensen”, you whined as he continued to tease your clit.

Your eyes were barely open, but you knew Jensen was grinning to himself. You could feel it on your lips.

“Pleaaaase,” you grabbed his thighs and leaned back further so he could get a perfect angle, despite your little baby bump.

“I´ve got you”, he grinned, slipping his middle finger inside you. A soft gasp escaped you as Jensen curled his finger and hit your sweet spot. As he added a second finger, you dug your nails into his skin. “Fuck”, you let out a throaty moan.

“You’re even tighter than usual, baby. I guess I really left you alone for too long”. Your eyes were closed as you were completely absorbed in the feeling your fiancé was giving you.

“Ugh… you did”, you agreed as your eyes met.

With a jerk he pushed your upper body closer to his again and pulled his fingers out of you. No matter how much he loved teasing you, it had been far too long since the last time he could truly feel you.

His arms wrapped tightly around you as he pressed his lips to yours again. “Shit, I missed you so much”, Jensen murmured against your lips, making your heart beat faster.

“I missed you too”, you answered barely audible.

Within seconds, Jensen laid you on your back, tugging your sweatpants and panties off your legs before kneeling on the sofa in front of you, looking at you expectantly. “Touch yourself”, he ordered before you watched as he deftly unbuckled his belt. He loved watching you, almost as much as you loved watching him.

Even though you did this a thousand times, you couldn't stop the blush from rising on your face.

Nevertheless, your fingers found their way to your wet heat as if by themselves. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip as you felt your own wetness. You carefully dip a finger inside yourself, making you breath heavily. By now Jensen already had his throbbing erection in his hand.

“Just like this Babygirl”, he groaned, switching his gaze between your heated face and your spread legs. Your head fell back into the soft couch cushions as you adjusted to the feeling of your finger sliding through your wet folds. Jensen tried everything to hold onto himself and watch you longer, but the desire to bury himself inside you overwhelmed him.

“Fuck it”, he muttered, freeing himself from his jeans and boxers before leaning over you and pressing his lips greedily to yours. You could already feel his hardness against your pussy when Jensen broke the kiss to take off your shirt. “Fuck, they’ve gotten huge”, he whispered as he massaged your left breast over your bra. You couldn't help but grin when you saw his lustful look. “Do you want to keep talking and teasing or finally start fucking me, Ackles?”, you challenged him, your hands sliding under his shirt and tugging at the hem impatiently.

“So needy”, he grinned down at you, pulling his shirt over his head so you could immediately run your hands over his strong chest and broad shoulders before pulling him closer to you by his biceps.

“I’m going to fuck your tight pussy so good”, he groaned, hovering over you again as he took his cock in his hand and lined himself up with your wet folds.

You shuddered as he pushed himself into you until he bottomed out, stretching you almost painfully and letting out the deepest moan you've ever heard.

"Shit honey, you´re okay?", he chuckled, but actually looked a little worried. It took a few seconds until you found your breath and therefore your voice again. "Yeah... I just... almost forgot how big you are", you admitted.

“Well, after tonight you won’t forget it in a hurry”, he winked at you with a grin.

With that, he withdrew completely and spread your wetness with his tip, sliding it between your glistening folds. Jensen's gaze was literally glued between your legs and you could see in his eyes how much that turned him on. “Jay…please,” you begged, wiggling your hips, trying so hard to get him back in. He responded instantly to your requests and pushed his swollen cock into you again, making you moan loudly. As he thrusted into you harder than he had since you were pregnant, he firmly grabbed your hips and pushed them up from the soft fabric of the couch to thrust into you from a better angle. He hit your sweet spot over and over again, which had got you close within a few minutes. “Jay… I’m…”, your hands grip his wrist as you arch your back desperately. "I know, baby. Just a few more minutes", he moaned, watching your breast bounce in your bra with every hard thrust he gave you. Your lips met again, taking the breath away from both of you. You could feel his hot breath in your mouth again and again as he tried to suppress his moans. “You’re so fucking tight, baby”, he groaned against your swollen lips.

By now you were just mumbling pleas and desperately wanted him to allow you to come.

“Cum for me (y/n)”, his lips trailed down your neck, sucking on your delicate skin. Those few words were all you needed to squeeze his cock even tighter. With loud moans and closed eyes, you finally came.

“Fuck baby”, his voice cracked as he felt you clenching around him.

Seconds later, you could feel him spilling his cum inside you as his head fell back down on your shoulder. His deep moan against your collarbone sends shivers down your spine, creating even more sparks in your stomach as you live out the rest of your orgasm.

It took you both quite a while to catch your breath, still overwhelmed by the feeling.

Jensen held his position a little longer. When you finally felt your heart stop racing, you let out a quiet chuckle, brought on by your thoughts, which you immediately said out loud. “I’m not on the pill”, you whispered, stroking strands of his soft hair while his face was still buried in the croock of your neck.

"Well, I can't knock you up any more than I already did, can I?", he grinned and slowly raised his head.

“I guess not”, you grin, pulling his face to yours and kissing him gently.

“I really missed you”, he whispered as your eyes met.

-

Part2

#jensen ackles #spn #dean winchester #smut #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen x y/n #jensen x you #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x y/n #pregnant

[melishade]

Attack on Prime Incorrect Quotes: The Saga Continues

Main Story

Part Whenever

Hanji: I'm tired.

Optimus: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?!

Hanji: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

==

Levi: I want you to know that I’m judging you

Megatron: Don’t you always judge me??

Levi: Yes, but you’ve been extra quirky today so I have to let you know that it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

==

Hanji: Would you rather kill Eren, or—

Megatron: Yes, kill him.

Armin: They didn’t say the other option.

Megatron: I don’t need to hear it.

Eren: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

===

Zeke: I can't believe you assassinated the Commander of Marley!

Megatron: Well, 'assassinated' implies it was politically motivated. I killed him because he was a dick, so technically I murdered him.

Zeke: That's not better!

===

Survey Corps: Can we ask you for a favor?

Optimus: I would literally die for you but continue.

Levi: We have got to talk about you starting sentences that way.

==

Beloved Timeline

Optimus: What am I supposed to do all day while you're off in Marley?

Elita:...I don't know? What do you normally do when I'm gone?

Optimus *Sniffing and tears up*: Wait for you to get back.

==

War Timeline

Hanji: We have fun, don’t we, Doc?

Ratchet: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life.

Jack: Wow, Miko, looks like you've been dethroned.

==

Armin: I...I think we have to kill Eren.

Megatron:

===

Pieck: So...how did you two meet?

Optimus glancing over at Megatron: ...You know, we actually legally can't answer that.

===

Beloved Timeline

Elita: Go on! Shout, scream, say something! Stunned as Optimus puts his servo on her cheek.

Optimus to Elita: You're as beautiful as the day I lost you.

Survey Corps:

==

Megatron: I don’t think you apologizing to me is a good idea.

Armin: Uh…why?

Megatron: Because when you do that, I inevitably feel bad and forgive you, and I really want to be mad.

Armin: But why would you want to be mad? I hate being angry, it ruins everything.

Megatron: Exactly. Ruining everything is kind of my thing, I can’t lose it.

==

Peaceful Timeline

Maria: Oshern, can you do me a favor?

Oshern: Of course, mo leanbh (my young child). Always.

Maria: Cool. Can you stop denying your feelings and tell Mama (Ymir) you love her — like love love her in that kind of way so the two of you can stop pining?

Oshern, spit-takes

Optimus: Maria, what?

Maria: Focus, Papa. This is important.

===

Megatron: I need help.

Levi: Two words.

Megatron I bet they won't be helpful.

Levi: Your. Problem.

Megatron: I was right.

===

(Based on a prompt of Hanji experimenting with dark energon and seeing Unicron)

Unicron: Hey, I bought your soul last month and-

Hanji: No returns.

Unicron: Please, it’s making me sad.

===

A million years later after the Dark Timeline Epilogue

Optimus: You're worth every tear I've cried since you died. You've always been.

Megatron: Optimus...

Optimus: *almost crying* So don't tell me you're not worth my tears, because you are. You're worth the tears of relief, and, and happiness. I missed you everyday.

Megatron: *hugs Optimus*

Optimus: *crying* I missed you, I'm happy, these are, these are tears, they're—

Megatron: *holds Optimus tighter* Happy tears. I know brother. I know now.

===

Arcee: Where's Buckethead?

Hanji: Don't worry, I'll find him.

Hanji, shouting: Optimus sucks!

Megatron, distantly: How fragging dare you!

Hanji: Told you he still cared about him.

====

Optimus dealing with another death/respawn situation: What's up guys, I'm back.

Hanji, crying: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.

Optimus: Death is a social construct.

====

Eren: I'm not traumadumping.

Eren: I'm telling you my villain origin story.

Arcee: That's fragging worse!

====

Levi: Someone will die -

Hanji: Of fun!

===

Random Marleyan: Wait, you're gay? Are you fucking serious?

Optimus: I'm bisexual, actually. And yes.

====

Peaceful Timeline

Ymir: ...You came...

Optimus: You called.

===

Megatron: The dwarf is telling me I'm going to die.

Armin:...Are...are you sick?

Megatron smirking: No, he just doesn't like me.

Levi: IMMA FUCK YOU UP ON TUESDAY!

===

Hanji: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight.

Optimus: Actually Hanji, after all these weeks, I just sort of go with it.

===

Eren: Arcee, I just realized something. I had a bad childhood.

Arcee: Yeah, I know.

Eren: What do you mean you know?

Arcee: Look at you.

Eren: What do you mean look at me?

Arcee: Look at how you stand! People with good childhoods don't stand like that.

===

Arcee: *speaking Cybertronian*

Eren: I know, I know.

Wheeljack baffled: You speak Cybertronian?

Eren: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language.

===

*at Megatron and Eren's funeral in the Dark Timeline*

Armin: Optimus...it... it was a beautiful service.

Optimus: *staring up at thunderclouds* I'm glad it didn't rain. They hated the rain. *reaches up to wipe away tears* Why do I feel this way Armin?

Armin: Because you loved them, Optimus.

===

Hanji to Optimus: You are my best friend! If I'm dying, you're dying with me! Ain’t no choice!

===

Peaceful Timeline

Megatron to Maria: I was never afraid until you showed up.

===

Eren: When have I ever done something rash or irresponsible?

Optimus channeling his inner archivist: I keep a list. It’s alphabetized.

#transformers prime #tfp #snk #attack on prime #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #ao3 #tfp optimus prime #tfp optimus #optimus prime #maccadam #macadam #tfp megatron #megatron #hanji zoe #levi ackerman #incorrect quotes #incorrect quote #eren jaeger #tfp arcee #arcee #tfp wheeljack #wheeljack #armin arlert #captain levi #AU #alternate universe #inccorect quotes #survey corps

[jin-mukang]

I finally finished reading Tress of the Emerald Sea. A little late, I know, but hey, this has been the first book I've physically (ebook) read myself and not listened to as an audiobook in years.

Anyways, I just wanted to sing my praise for Brandon Sanderson writing a predictable book.

More under the cut cuz spoilers and rambling

Lately, I feel like a lot of media has gotten this hate train for predicability. Marvel, for one, is an easy example. But there's also things like movies and shows made with an already popular IP that is another example. Directors, authors, writers, everyone seems so obsessed with shocking the consumer. They want endings that come out of nowhere, leaving the consumer feeling nothing but awe struck whiplash. And quite frankly, I've gotten real tired of that years ago.

Anyways, I'm rambling.

When I first started reading Tress, the first thing I predicted was "Tress is going to be a knight in shining armor, Charlie will be the damsel in distress". I knew this, because when Tress and Charlie were talking about damels and knights, they talked about it specifying how Tress wouldn't be a very good damsel, and Charlie wouldn't be a very good knight. It's an easy conclusion for a reader to come to for there to be a role reversal, so when it actually happened, all I could feel was relief. Thank GOD the story went along my prediction. I got very excited thinking that Tress would be doing the rescuing, and if that didn't happen, I would have been disappointed, not shocked by how unpredictable it turned out to be. I didn't want a "Tress is the damsel, but wait, there's a twist!" Situation. The way they talked suggested a role reversal, and that conversation would have meant nothing if it went any other way. It would have just been a rude gesture of "hah! You thought you could predict the story by just this conversation! You fool! I tricked you! I purposely put in this conversation to trick you!"

Lemme get it clear that I don't expect Brandon Sanderson to write like that. Admittedly, when I pledged to the Kickstarter, I hadn't actually read a single book from Brandon Sanderson. I had NO CLUE what I was getting into, but it seemed like the perfect deadline to actually sit down and go through the Cosmere stories before the books started getting sent. Trust me, if I didn't spend money on the Kickstarter, I never would have picked up The Way of Kings. I've been frightened of that book since Junior High. It's been haunting the corners of my mind every time I visit the library. It looks like a good book! It's just so fucking long! So yeah, I spent money on a Kickstarter for an author I've never read a book from before. And I'm glad I did. I got through Stormlight, in getting through Mistborn, I love these books so much.

ANYWAYS. I just want to stress because of how much I loved Stormlight and Mistborn, I truly didn't expect Brandon to do a "HAH! FOOLED YOU WITH MY FALSE LEAD!". In fact, going into Tress, when I saw that foreshadowing, I knew I could trust it. And it still felt so rewarding for that little, easy to come to prediction, to actually come into reality.

So, when I met Huck, I knew the moment we learnt about the Sorceress's curses, that Huck was Charlie. This prediction was a little harder to stick to, but the subtle inconsistencies of Huck's story and goals kept me firm on it, but it was also done with such care that I knew if I was wrong, then there's surely something that makes sense and will wow me anyways. I wouldn't be disappointed that Huck wasn't Charlie, the book didn't lead you on to focus on that.

And then, this is where Brandon Sanderson does throw you in for a loop. It's so subtly obvious that Huck is Charlie, but then Tress gets to the Sorceress and suddenly, just for a page, you're confronted with a human Charlie who is so so Charlie and you're stopped there thinking "wait, where's the catch? How are Charlie and Huck not the same?" And you're suddenly confronted that not only did Tress change, but you as the reader changed too. At the beginning of the book, you know they're perfect for each other, you want to rescue Charlie too, you want them together and happy, but Charlie didn't change. He's the same. The same old Charlie... just doesn't seem right for Tress anymore. She doesn't seem happy. You don't feel happy. All the Sorceress wanted were her cups? But what about Huck?

What about Huck.

And then, Tress realizes, and you nearly jump out of your chair screaming when she realizes YOU were right all along. Huck is Charlie! This human Charlie is a fake!! Tress goes back to the Sorceress to demand her real Charlie back.

It was so exciting. So so so enjoyable.

Anyways, this isn't to say I think the story was purposely predictable, or that it was meant to be guessed ahead of time, but man, it was so so nice to see a story just. Happen. There's so many things Tress of the Emerald Sea could be complimented about, but I haven't seen anyone talk about the predicability of the story itself, and how it's done so well, and proves that shock factor doesn't make a good story, a good story makes a good story, and sometimes good stories are oh so delightfully predicable.

#tress of the emerald sea #brandon sanderson #cosmere #the cosmere

[egg-emperor]

this bday feels more special than usual because there's a lot of big changes coming up in my life and this begins to kick that off in a sense so I've been reflecting on a bunch of stuff

I feel like I'm really on the other side of so much bad painful soul sucking shit now. like I feel I can truly confidently say it this time. FINALLY. I held onto bad things that were doing me so much harm mentally and physically for years and I really struggled to finally let go of a lot of things I should have for the past couple. but now it's really all over and like I can start to move on and heal for real

some huge changes to my personal life are coming up, most of which I'm not going to share but I'm pretty excited about and think will have a big positive impact on me. I'm working hard to make beneficial changes to my life in every way I can now in health and living, as exhausting as it can be with my constant chronic pain and fatigue. I finally have the will and determination to try

it's a waiting game in regards to my health with waiting on referrals but I've done what I've needed to so far with appointments to set it in motion and I'm proud of myself. after years of neglecting myself and my suspected condition, I've finally started it! and I've found out that stress factually affects it very badly, so I have to let go of the things that hurt and stress me out for good

I'm also truly accepting that I'm not a very well liked person to a lot of people. it doesn't matter because there are surely as many who like me too. I see kindness and support from others just as much as hate and I need to put all my focus and energy into the former alone. I want to look as grateful and appreciative as I am, not caught up in negativity. my mind can be a negative place but I'm working on it

and of course as usual, I'm going to keep being myself and following my heart and expressing my passion the way I want. because I'm never going to give up the things I enjoy and repress myself because of the disapproval of others

I feel like I can start looking forward and I'm feeling much more positive about things over all. in a few months time my living situation, hopefully my physical health, and my mindset will hopefully be improved. and it actually has me looking forward to seeing what the future holds

I've been through a lot of tough shit and pain and did some stupid shit along the way but I learned a lot about myself and what I want and need through it and I'm happy to finally be making all the right changes. I'm really glad I feel like I'm on the otherside of it, especially after how bad the past couple of years have been especially for me

and I just wanna say thank you to everyone who has supported me and stuck around when I was struggling and will be here to see the better version of myself and enjoy my blog. it means the world to me 💜

now I'm gonna go out and have a good bday today!

[lexkent]

I've been accepted into grad school in a neighboring state and in the city I've lived in for the past 10 years, and I'm rotting from the inside out trying to come to a decision

pros for staying: I love my second floor apartment with a balcony and feel comfortable that the landlord isn't some monster. It would be so much easier to stay put. I have a summer and fall job secured here. the classes are regular M-F. there's a part time option if it gets to be too much. I have 1 cousin moving here for grad school (different school same city). there's a better chance of meeting fellow lgbt people here. this is a fun and diverse city with a never ending selection of things to do.

cons for staying: I already spent 4 years at this school so there isn't that thrill of going to a new university it would almost feel like returning to high school. I don’t feel a ton of school pride. it's not particularly safe here (I regularly hear gunshots, etc from my apartment.) I'm tired of the stress of the Mad Max driving situation here. I can't go on night walks without needing to be aware of my surroundings. I don't think I would want to be a Beginner social worker here (though I do want to return someday with more skills and experience). I feel like 10+ years is a long time to live in just one city. my therapist would be low key disappointed if I stayed. staying might feel like settling.

pros for leaving: it's exciting to go to a new school. smaller class sizes should mean a better chance to connect with professors and better chance to get an assistantship to help cover tuition. I could go on walks at night without needing to look over my shoulder. I would prefer to be a Beginner social worker in this city. new city means new places and parks to explore. my therapist seems to think going here and having a fresh start would be most beneficial to me. some cousins and friends are within 1.5 hours of this city. Ceno should be moving there soon!! I've been approved for an apartment with a deck.

cons for leaving: I hate moving more than anything in the world no matter how much I mentally prepare myself it's always 100x worse than I imagined. classes are Friday and Saturday (how am I supposed to drive home and see family/friends with 2 years of weekend classes?) middle of nowhere city. lack of diversity. I don't have a summer job lined up. there is always risk and uncertainty signing with new landlords because they can make your life total hell. it has been near impossible to find an apartment that allows cats I've been looking every day for months. I was just accepted for an apartment i like (though I learned it is ground floor despite the listed pictures which means my cats won't be able to freely enjoy the outdoor deck space like they could with a balcony and there could be a safety issue considering open windows) but with 1st month rent + security deposit + $600 cat fee + $70 cat rent, my bank account is going to wiped out to nothing (I've been crying lol)

#someone tell me what to do #text

[sabo-has-my-heart]

This is two part again. Thanks for listening and replying to my message, that means a lots to me. Though, I'd say I prefer a certain red head karma to bite me instead of my coworkers :^) just kidding.

This is not really an emergency request but also a bit like it? I guess? It's just I've been dying of thirst for some romance due to my situation so I'm up here to request something (only if you want to write, that is)

Office workers couple of Sabo and fem!Reader. I just wanna read some fluffy moments between them. Like when y/n is working over time and he quietly put an iced coffee cup he just bought for y/n on her cheek, making her jump as he smiles warmly and sits next to her to help her with the work. Or when y/n knocks on his office door and says "I'm here to pick up Mr. *insert married last name*" and Sabo chuckles and walks to her to say "Let's go home Mrs *insert married last name*"

I don't know if this is how it works but that's my request. Feel free to skip it if you don't like the idea. Love your writing as always, have a great day!

Hi two part anon! no need to thank me for listening, and replying, I care about you 🥰. So here's some fluff, I'm sorry these things have been taking so long. It's super stressful here lately. Hoping to get some more writing done soon. It's funny because writing for you and my other beloved anons reduces my stress but I need to be less stressed to write sometimes, lol 😆.

Warnings: office romance? fluff

Word Count: 1580

     People say office romances never turn out well. Especially if you’re dating your boss. After all, your boss might give you special treatment or promotions. That being said, you and Sabo were an exception, an outlier to the statistic. The two of you had been working at the same office for years, you’d watched his promotion from working beside you to being your new boss, watched him deal with the worst of the department’s problems, and helped him celebrate some of the department’s greatest achievements. 

     Likewise, he’d been there for you as well. The year that nobody seemed to care about your birthday, the raise for finishing that ‘impossible’ project, and the one time when you snuck a kitten into the office because it was just outside the building and you didn’t have time to take it to a shelter until after work. It seemed that whenever there was something big that happened to one of you, the other was there to share in it. Of course, nobody knew about your little office romance. Neither of you wanted to risk the rumors, the scandal, or the accusations that would be sent your way. To say nothing of HR getting involved or needing to transfer departments simply due to the fact that the two of you were together. 

     It wasn’t like Sabo actually gave you special treatment at work. Quite the opposite, he treated you like every other employee, expecting nothing but your best and you were quite happy to give it your all. There’d even been a few times where he’d been forced to call you into his office because you’d messed up. Granted, when you messed up, he wasn’t nearly as hard on you as others, but it wasn’t due to giving you special treatment. Only that he could have a calm, serious conversation about what you’d messed up. Most of your coworkers had to be handled in a different manner, he wasn’t dating them, he couldn’t just say “angel, you messed up, if you needed more time, we could have canceled our date.” or “I know I tell the others to come to me if you need help, but I’m literally in the other room. You don’t exactly have an excuse not to come to me.” 

     Sabo sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. There was another big project due at the end of the month, another ‘world will end if we don’t finish this on time’ project. He hated these projects so much, hated his bosses so much for projects like this. Acting like they had sticks up their asses and not giving a damn about who suffered from the long hours forced on their employees. Always giving deadlines that were far too short for his liking. It was as if they purposefully gave a shorter than necessary deadline. He’d change that one day, he’d climb in the ranks and become high enough to change things. He’d never accept projects unless he knew they could be finished without working his employees to death and he’d fire anyone who treated their employees like shit!

     A knock on his door drew him out of his thoughts, looking up to see your head peeking in through the cracked open door.

     “Hey, You got time for a short break? I got your favorite for dinner.” you called softly, holding up a bag of food and gently shaking it. Sabo smiled and sat up in his chair, beckoning you in.

     “What are you still doing here, Dove? Shouldn’t you be at home?” he asked as you set the food on the desk.

     “How can I go home and sit around when I know you’re pushing yourself so hard to get this project done in time? You know I hate going home to an empty apartment.” you said, giving him a sympathetic smile.

     “I know, but I don’t want you to overwork yourself. You need sleep and time to relax, not spend time in an empty office, alone.” he said, reaching over his desk and caressing your cheek.

     “What, you mean like you’re always doing? Sabo, love, you’ve fallen asleep in your office 5 times in the last 2 weeks trying to get this done. You’ve missed 3 meals and eaten in your office 8 times. The sooner I help you finish this, the sooner you can relax.” you said with a small chuckle, leaning into his hand.

     “Have I really? I’m sorry, Angel. I don’t mean to be for so long. You know I prefer the comfort of our bed.” he said, running his hand through his hair again as you pulled the food out.

     “I know, that’s why I’m still here. So we can finish this sooner. Let me help, we’ll get it wrapped up faster this way. You know I’m capable of taking care of things.” you offered, handing him some food and utensils. 

     “I know, I know things would go faster if we did them together, but I don’t want your health to suffer because of this. I hate seeing you look so tired and worn out.” it was true, he’d never felt so bad as when you overworked yourself helping him with these stupid deadlines. The times you had fallen asleep on his desk late at night trying to help him. The dark circles and bags under your eyes when you’d stayed up 3 nights in a row to finish a ‘our company will go out of business if we don’t finish this’ project. And he’d never forgive himself for the time he’d passed out from overworking and given you the scare of your life. He’d woken up to the paramedics in his office as you hovered around him with tears brimming in your eyes. He’d had a talk with his bosses and HR after that one. They hadn’t given him another one of those after that. He was one of their better employees and did great work, they didn’t want to lose him. 

     “And what about your health? You know I hate seeing your health suffer too. This way we can split the work this way, that way neither of us is too overworked.” you offered, making him sigh. You were right. He knew you were right.

     “Alright, alright. Let's finish this part up then we’ll go home; and once we finish this project, we’ll take a weekend trip to get away and relax.” he offered. You nodded in agreement as the two of you started to eat. 

     It was a few weeks later that the project was finished, Sabo taking a moment to lean back in his chair and relax. The blond hadn’t even realized he’d fallen asleep in his chair until you were gently shaking him awake, a soft, sweet smile on your lips.

     “Dove? Did… did I fall asleep in my chair again?” Sabo asked groggily, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes.

     “Yeah, don’t worry though, nobody really noticed. We all just thought you were working on the next thing you were given. I wanted to let you sleep, but it’s not good for you to fall asleep in your chair like this. Besides, if you fall asleep here, you’ll have a hard time falling asleep at home and I have the perfect evening all planned out for us so you can relax and enjoy yourself.” you said with a grin. Sabo looked at you and chuckled, shaking his head.

     “Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? I’m supposed to be doing nice things for you so you can relax?” he asked, his eyes closing as he yawned.

     “I’m not the one carrying the weight of the world at work. Besides, no one ever said I can’t do things for you as well.” 

     “You spoil me, Dove.” he said softly, pulling you close, sitting you in his lap and nuzzling his face into your neck.

     “I spoil you? Sabo, you’re always doing so much for me. This is the least I can do for you.” you said with a laugh, enjoying the way he held you so lovingly.

     “Mmm, no, pretty sure you spoil me more. Always staying late with me, getting me my favorites and making sure I don’t overwork myself. I’m just repaying the favor.” he ‘argued’, grinning mischievously. He loved playing this little ‘game’ with you. Who’s actually spoiling who and why. How you deserve everything he’s done for you and how you think he deserves the world. Always ending in sweet, loving kisses and endless ‘I love you’s. 

     “As much as you know I’d love to continue this, I promised the others I was just asking about our next project and they’ll get suspicious if I take too long.” you whispered, pouting at the idea of your sweet moment being interrupted. Sabo sighed and nodded as well, letting you go.

     “Alright, alright, but don’t work too hard. I heard from a very reliable source that you’ve got a date at a nice restaurant tonight and you don’t want to be late for that, do you?” Sabo asked teasingly.

     “You’re right, my darling husband is spoiling me again and I can’t let all of his hard work go to waste.” the both of you laughed as you reluctantly headed for the door, giving him one last longing look before returning to work. You had to admit, you really loved working with him, loved how the two of you had somehow managed to make an office romance work.

#one piece #one piece sabo #op sabo #sabo the revolutionary #chief of staff sabo #flame emperor sabo #chief of staff sabo x reader #flame emperor sabo x reader #sabo x reader #sabo the revolutionary x reader

[troublefemme]

How’d you get your nails to grow so long and healthy?

so, sorry in advance, this is gonna be a bit long.

First thing would be to avoid acrylics and other nail extensions that involve filing the nail bed. That fucks up your nails so much, even if your nail tech says it doesn't, it really does, they can become extremely weak. And I'm saying this from personal experience, I've only ever gotten acrylics once and it took me about a year and a half, perhaps more, after that and a lot of patience to get back to where my natural nails were before that. And the only way out once you've done that is cutting and starting from 0.

I think press ons are fine as long as you or your nail tech are really careful with how you do them. I mention this mostly because I understand how frustrating it can be to wait for your nails to grow, so press ons can help with that frustration without messing up your nails in the same way extensions do.

Oiling your nails helps a lot too, I use coconut oil on my nails, but I know jojoba oil is also really good.

The shape is kind of important as well, in my experience square shaped nails are more likely to break, I think it puts more stress on the nails, so I like to go for a nice almond shape as soon as they get long enough to shape.

I'm very careful with my manicuring, I change my nail polish multiple times a week and I can't guarantee mine is the best way to do it, but this is what works for me:

- I always start with removing the nail polish, washing my hands and cleaning my nails and then oiling them all over (and on the back of the nail) for at least 30 minutes before wiping off the oil;

- then I apply a base coat and mine is supposed to help keep the nails strong and help them grow (I don't know how much of that is true, but it works for me). Overall start with a good base coat.

- next is my colour, I apply no less than 3 coats of colour, every single time, no matter how sheer or how pigmented. I also don't use gel varnish, I use one that's a two step kind, so there's the colour -step 1- and the top coat -step 2-, the top coat helps it dry (it dries so quickly!! And stays shiny the whole time). *

- I'd keep your manicuring to 5 to 7 layers, 5 works just fine for me (1 of base coat, 3 of colour, 1 of the top coat). It gives me some security with using my hands (adding a little strength to my nails, because of the amount of layers, so it kind of protects them a bit from impact) and it lasts a decent amount of time. **

Oiling your nails at least once a day. I do it before I go to bed and it helps a bunch because I don't like the feeling of the oil on my skin.

Now, taking a "from the inside to the outside" approach:

if you can, check which vitamins your body might be needing, that might be in the way of your nails growing and making them weak. My body is always low on iron, vitamin d and vitamin c, so I've been adding them to my diet through supplements. If you can't be specific like that (I mostly am, because I have to see my endocrinologist for my diabetes regularly and he always asks for blood tests), there are supplements that are more general for nail and hair growth.

I hate saying this, but my diet has also been significantly better along with exercising, so that might have contributed to it.*** Which is to say:

eat some veggies if you can, drink your water, you know, keep it simple so it doesn't become overwhelming and don't restrict yourself (that can be a slippery slope), baby steps are already good enough.

Oh, also avoid opening things with your nails, like soda cans etc, use a spoon or something like that.

Also, if you can, leave your cuticles alone.

I think that's it and if I remember something else I'll add, sending you so much love ♥️

*this two step situation is slightly pricier than classic/regular polish, but way way way cheaper than nail extensions and even gel. So overall, maybe more steps, but also cheaper and I really enjoy having a "me time" doing my nails and use it as self care, so I think it's fun.

**I don't do my layers too thick, so they don't look weird, just enough to cover the nail.

*** I didn't start exercising and eating better for the nails, I'm just aware that that might have helped.

#femme hands #ask

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for separating my boyfriend from his family⁉️⁉️

My boyfriend is not perfect by any means but when it comes to how shitty his family is to him, he is an absolute saint of patience. His mom pretty much uses him as her personal servant and cleaning crew, and she also forces him to be the parent & bad guy to his little brother. And whenever his little brother gets mad at him, his brother and his mom will talk shit about him like. In the same room as him directly in front of him. I know it happens because I have heard it. His dad treats him like he's a stupid little child, while also trying to convince my boyfriend to continue living with his shitty mother and brother, despite my boyfriend being a fully grown man who pays bills.

If its not clear, I hate these people. Its a miracle from the lord above that my boyfriend ended up even slightly well adjusted. The issue is that these people are his only family. His mom cut off her whole side of the family, and his dad's side is all in the middle of Mexico so my boyfriend cant visit them often and doesn't have much of a connection with them.

Him and I have been together for 3 years, and we are planning our future, most notably planning on living together here soon. He has been slowly learning not to tell his parents things, because everything turns into an argument, but he told them about us planning on moving out together, and it was a whole thing. They tried to demand that, instead, I move into his house with him and his mom and his brother so that he doesn't "end up in debt forever". Also in retaliation, his mom has been extra demanding, as if she's implying she can't survive without him (she can, she's fine, not disabled just shitty).

Here's where I may be the asshole. My boyfriend refuses to set boundaries, because he doesn't want to lose access to his only family. In return, I have been setting my own boundaries around his family. All of these boundaries limit their access to me, and my boyfriend and I's future home, and thus limit their access to my boyfriend whenever him and I move in together and start our own lives together.

I don't want him to cut his family off, because I know his family is very important to him.

So I am drawing defined boundaries to outline, hey, I'm not spending any time with these people! And I sure as shit don't want his slob mom & brother, or his shitty dad, in my house!

Every time he gets in a fight with either of them, also, I go out of my way to stress as much as I can to him that the way they're treating him is not normal. And I've been putting him in situations where he spends more and more time with me and my parents, so he has an example of how normal parents treat their adult children, instead of how his parents treat him.

I should note that he has agreed to most of the things I've said. Some hesitantly, but I do think he's starting to realize that I'm right. I'm just worried that I'm the asshole for constantly pushing him.

So, AITA for trying to separate my boyfriend from his family⁉️

#aita #am i the asshole

[jenroses]

I'm looking down the barrel of a Really Tough Time and I hate it and every part of it is beyond my control. I actually messaged my therapist to give her a heads up.

I was lying there feeling my heart skipping beats going, "Am I going to die?" and realized the last time I felt this way was PTSD related and I was like, "But I've been okay lately" and then remembered that I'd literally gotten a traumatic email yesterday and had basically slammed it shut and pretended it didn't happen but the body sure does keep score, it sure does.

Did I mention that every one of my health issues is stress mediated and gets much worse when I get stressed? I have to work to not have strong emotional reactions to things and stay calm because like, I literally break out in hives when Bad Emotions happen. Mast cells are weird, yo.

(And this is going to be worse for someone I love and I cannot fix it for that person for the very reason the situation is happening.)

Anyway the world is cruel and sometimes it's generally cruel but this is particularly, viciously cruel on a personal level while not being anyone's fault. It's not being done to me, it just affects me in ways that maim, emotionally.

There is a significant chance that I am going to drop everything and dissociate into audiobooks for my own sanity. Which is funny because "dropping everything" when you already do as little as I do for health reasons is like, "Here, I had a feather, a piece of paper and a bottle of nail polish but they're too heavy now."

But here we are.

Knowing a fuckton about trauma and trauma processing doesn't make going through it any easier. It's like the first reaction, before the real reaction, is, "Fuck, not the kubler-ross stages, AGAIN."

And there's a chance that it will all be fine but even if it's all fine then something I was counting on to last at least a couple more years is failing a couple years early and there is a Large Danger that whatever comes next will be worse, and none of this is in my control in the slightest.

This message brought to you by the "Is it a heart attack or is it a panic attack" happy funride. (It's a panic attack, which does not make it harmless.)

#ptsd mention #mental health #trauma #anxiety and panic attacks

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for refusing to fall into madness?

I (1,147M) have been in possession of a cursed magical artifact for about 1,100 years, which keeping around me has slowly driven me into madness. I struggled with this for a long, long time, causing me to lose my wife, the love of my life, survive a horrible worldwide atomic incident, and completely drive away my surrogate daughter, (7NB) who was abandoned by her only living parent, and who hated when I used to artifact to protect us.

The more I used it, the less I became like myself, and it was utterly terrifying, both to me and to those i loved. I used this until I was almost entirely corrupted for a long, long time, and was revolting to every person that came around me, and my surrogate daughter (1,007NB) wanted nothing to do with me, and couldn't stand to see me at all anymore. I became obsessed with a woman (827F) who subconciously reminded me of my deceased ex wife, and I acted horrible to her as well, kidnapping her many times and attempting to force her to be my bride.

I felt so subconciously guilty over the way I behaved that, eventually, I did something that no one in history nor in any parallel universe where the artifact exists managed to do; the artifact is incredibly difficult to part with, as the powers it grants you are so overwhelming and tempting it is difficult to see your own corruption, and even harder to resist it. But I have managed to mentally brute force my way out of it! I've succeeded in both keeping my fantastical powers and my sense of self, both entirely within my control.

A few of my friends I've met recently (1,047M, alternate version of moi), (29F), (CatF), have told me they disapprove of my methods of this action, referring to them as "immoral" and "donked up".

You see in order to do this, I had to redirect the madness the artifact forced upon me onto someone else. This did in fact take a degree of concious effort every moment I was doing so, and I did know what I was doing. I redirected my madness onto the previously mentioned women (now 927F), as she seemed discontented and bored and stressed with her own life, and I didn't believe she would mind a bit of a change.

Doing this drove her mad, causing her to fall in love with me. Over the past 100 years of this she's kidnapped me on a regular basis to show me her newest songs and art projects about how she is in love with me, which has become incredibly tedious, but not unlivable, as my loyal guards I created always swiftly come to my rescue.

The most recent time this happened she kidnapped both myself and an alternate version of myself, one who has lost both his artifact and his powers in exchange for himself. The woman found herself madly in love with both of us, as we're somewhat the same man, and the situation quickly escalated into the woman putting us into much more immediate physical danger than I am used to, as she was about to murder us. The alternate version of myself has been insisting that this isn't the true version of her and that she can be 'fixed', which made me very hesitant to actually inform him of how she got this way.

Our other friends as well as my guards managed to save us in time and incapacitate the madwoman, but when I gave one of them a kiss as thanks for saving me, my artifact didn't exactly seem to like that she was from another dimension, and promptly, immediately, failed on me. As this artifact was 1. generating the madness 2. keeping me alive and 3. pushing energy into the kingdom I built, not only did my beloved guards and kingdom all immediately disintegrate, but I also rapidly aged all these unnatural years and died, as well as the woman lost her (technically my) madness and went back to her normal state as both leader of a kingdom and a scientist.

All three of my friends as well as the woman are all in agreement that what I did in those 100 years was messed up, even moreso than the way I behaved for the 1,000 years before, kidnapping people willy nilly and unable to take others feelings into account. They all hate me very heavily despite my hospitality to my new friends (giving them a place to stay, offering to give my alternate self his powers back, training one of them in the art of swordplay). The four of them are the only people currently able to hold an (extremely biased) opinion of this, as all my other subjects died with my powers, and my daughter having been dead for a long time (100yrs) now.

I simply wanted to both stay myself as a person and harness my abilities to their full, positive extent, even if that came at a price. AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[spicesweet]

Do you have any tips for improving metabolism, especially in recovery from binge/restrict eating habits?

absolutely! it's nothing new, but I know what worked for me, considering that I had to go through this same process. I still struggle with restriction often, but healing from bulimia first meant healing from binging, so that's where I'm coming from.

first tip is the most annoying one: exercising. ughhhhh. I hate that it works so fabulously because it's so annoying, but my god, it just works. and it's true what they say about building muscle, keeping in constant lookout for movement and how you'll feel fantastic afterwards if you just push through it in the beginning. I've given a lot of advice on fitness here before so I won't go too much into it now, but the main point is to look for what kind of exercise is your exercise (don't get too caught up on the idea that you have to join a gym in order to be fit) and don't try to run a marathon in a week (start off slow and short and then build up from that).

the second tip is less annoying and easier to achieve, imo: don't get trapped in trying to "nutritionize" your diet. unless you're an actual nutritionist, consider yourself a curious outsider in the realm of nutrition, and don't be obssessing over things like how many grams of protein you must eat on each meal (which, btw, nobody knows, it's not a consensus in the scientific community) or whether it's carbs or fats that are the evil of the world (which, btw, is also not a scientific consensus). and, of course, don't be counting calories and obssessing with numbers in general: it only adds stress to what is already a very stressful situation and relationship.

eat instinctively and moderately. if you're coming from binge-eating disorder, you'll know with your gut, literally, whether you're overeating or not, and we have a natural guide in ourselves regarding food. if you've eaten something that falls heavy on your stomach, you'll feel it, and you'll know that it's the best choice to eat something lighter next. look for balance rather than rules.

my only restrictive point in regards to diet is the thing I'm most annoying about, which is, stay away from ultra-processed foods, for a myriad of reasons that if you haven't heard from me here, I'd advise researching about. but just for summary, UPFs are a trigger for binge-eating. among other horrible effects.

by the way, a trick. when I'm in doubt or paranoid about certain foods, I think about how long has it been since people have eaten that. cheese is something I often feel guilty for, but then I remember cheese is literally pre-historic, and it makes me feel more at ease. my ideology is that if people have been eating something for literally thousands of years, generation after generation, it's okay for me to join in on the tradition.

eating varied foods is probably the key to avoid overthinking and stressing about food. if you're always stuck on the same four meals (like I used to be) it's easy to feel bored and tired and resort to what's more comforting and convenient. I'm currently at a stage of life where I'm literally going after every new thing I can find. if I see a funny fruit, I'll buy it and taste it, simple as that. if I dislike a vegetable, I find another way to cook it, because maybe it's just that it tastes better roasted rather than boiled. these little curiosities help me build a more loving and lighter relationship with food. the more you learn with your body about food, the easier it becomes to make better choices.

and, of course, drink a fuckload of water.

smaller tips: things like coffee and green or black tea help, but they're not effective in the long-run. when in doubt, eat fruit. ditch convenience. get curious. don't try to imitate other people, but get inspired by them. don't be idle for too long. if you're stressed out, do jumping jacks for a whole minute, or literally just run around. orgasms help too, so get them often.

I hope these helped, and if they didn't, talk to me about it ♡

#loveletters

[glamorouspixels]

I'm really sorry but I need to make a post about uni again. This is only the third week of the semester and I'm struggling so much I can't even articulate it, I'm in constant physical pain from being so stressed and miserable and I have no fucking clue how I'm supposed to survive this until February. I'm only taking three classes, but they're grad school classes and I also need to write my BA thesis and pass the second of my final oral exams this semester. The classes have been so much work even though three is only a tiny fraction of how many you're supposed to take in a semester. They're taking up all my time, which means I have no time left to work on my thesis and I feel like I can't anyway because everything I have so far is shit, but I have no energy to fix it let alone write the rest because I burned myself out during the lecture-free period. All because we officially have six weeks to do research, read all your texts, and write the thirty pages that make up the thesis. Which is completely and utterly impossible if you have a job on the side or have literally any other responsibilities, not to mention if you're disabled, so I've been preparing for it in advance and making my burnout worse in the process. I haven't slept properly in over a month because I hate uni so fucking much that I experience debilitating dread for at least a few weeks every semester before classes even start. I'm one negative emotion away from breaking down at all times and I do cry every night and sometimes more often than that. I don't want to do a master's degree but I genuinely do not have a choice and I can already tell it's going to be even worse than my undergrad. I just want to drop all of my classes and focus on the thesis but if I do I won't ever make it through grad school (twenty classes, ten papers, two big oral exams, and an 85-page thesis, all of which you're supposed to complete within two years). I don't know what to do, and I'm also really struggling with something else on top of that (if anyone would ever be willing to be rambled at about said thing, I would appreciate it so much). I know how devastating the consequences of a burnout can be when you're neurodivergent so I know it's absolutely crucial that I fix the situation somehow, but if I drop my classes now it'll just make things worse for me in the long run.

[sin-cognito]

Kustard week 2023 day 5: Sleeping Beauty

Wordcount: 2307

~And the princess fell into a deep, deep slumber~

@kustardweek

READ ON AO3

Red stirred on the hospital bed, consciousness slowly coming back to him. His eyesockets fluttered open and he saw his brother, quietly reading a book by the bed.

"bro?" He called out weakly.

The tall skeleton startled before quickly closing his book and putting it back in his bag.

"BROTHER! HOW ARE YOU FEELING?" Edge asked, scooting closer to the bed.

Red assessed the situation. He had a migraine and his eyelights were killing him. His limbs felt like lead and his throat hurt from how dry it was. He was overly familiar with all these symptoms and knew exactly what had happened.

"how long has it been this time?" He asked instead of replying to his brother's question.

Edge sighed, annoyed to be ignored like that. "ABOUT THREE WEEKS. YOU MISSED MY GRADUATION CEREMONY."

"shit. sorry."

Edge seemed to panic and flailed his hands around.

"NO! IT'S NOT... NOT YOUR FAULT," Edge mumbled to the side.

As true as that statement was, it didn't stop the guilt that gripped Red's SOUL for having missed his baby brother's graduation. He really had wanted to be there.

Red suffered from a condition. It was rare and only affected monsters, though humans tended to compare it to narcolepsy. Simply put, monsters suffering from it would randomly enter into sleeping phases that would last from a couple days to several months, or even years in some rare cases. It was different than falling in a coma in that monsters who fell asleep would then stop producing any sort of magic during that period, which was what made it so dangerous and life threatening. Without a magical life supporting system, the monster would simply wilt away and dust in a couple hours, as magic was what kept monsters alive.

Red suffered from an aggressive form of the condition, and he had pretty much spent his entire life in the hospital. Sure, when he was awake he felt fine and could go around to stretch his legs, but as soon as the first signs of that particular sleepiness reared their head, he had to make sure he was in a hospital bed with all the right equipment hooked into his SOUL so he wouldn't dust stupidly on the sidewalk. Some could live relatively normal lives, but not Red since it happened so often.

He would say that he hated living that way, unable to go out freely and enjoy life, but honestly at this point Red was used to it and he focused on enjoying the simplicity of not having to stress over schoolwork or getting a job, or learning how to cook or drive or swim. He'd just spend his life in this hospital until he dusted of old age (hopefully) and he was fine with that.

Of course he had therapy.

Still that didn't mean that he didn't feel bad when missing important things. He always made promises to Edge that he'd be there to support him for big milestones, yet there he was, snoring away in a hospital bed while his brother was graduating... Logically Red knew that Edge couldn't be genuinely upset at him because Red had no control over the situation, but that didn't mean that Red couldn't understand the disappointment Edge could feel for going to his graduation ceremony without his big brother.

"I'VE DECIDED ON THE UNIVERSITY I WANT TO ATTEND," Edge told him once Red was done taking an overdue shower. "IT'S A BIT FAR BUT I RECEIVED A SCHOLARSHIP AND I CAN HAVE A GOOD PLACE ON CAMPUS. DAD SAYS I CAN MOVE THERE BY THE END OF AUGUST, HE'LL HELP ME."

Red listened and nodded with a smile. It stang that Edge was going to move away, he was literally Red's only friend, and not getting to see him every day while awake was going to be hard. But Red was so fucking proud of him for pursuing his dream and getting into a good university. He'd never want to become a dead weight for his brother and Edge knew that.

A knock on the door interrupted the brothers, and Edge got up to open the door when no nurse came in.

"hi, uhm, am i in red underfell's room? i'm here to visit him..." Red heard a soft, baritone voice ask and wondered who the fuck would want to visit him besides his brother or his father.

Edge turned his skull to Red and quirked a brow, silently asking for Red's permission. The skeleton shrugged and Edge let the visitor in.

The stranger was another skeleton monster, much smaller than Edge and with pale, ivory bones that reminded Red of the moon on a clear night. He wore a deep blue jacket with black shorts, and pink fuzzy slippers on his feet. His smile seemed tense and almost forced, though his eyelights were soft and full of emotions that Red didn't know how to interpret. Red also decided to place the info about the light blue blush on the other's face into the 'to analyze later' file in his brain.

Bottom line, Red had no idea who the fuck this cute little skeleton was.

As if on cue, the stranger introduced himself.

"hi, i'm sans. uhh, sans undertale," he said and then kept quiet as he looked at Red expectantly.

Red blinked a few times. "okay? well, i'm red underfell," he replied nonchalantly. "but you already knew that because you came here to visit me."

This caused Sans' blush to deepen, and he had to look to the side as he awkwardly shifted from one foot to the other.

"yeah uhh... welp, i guess i have my answer now," he said quietly like he was talking to himself, which made Red even more curious about what he wanted. "you uhh, don't remember me."

Red frowned. Was he supposed to know this guy? 

He took a moment to think but it was fast since besides his brother, father and the nurses, Red really had no visitors. Was this guy visiting him when he was asleep? If so, that was creepy as fuck.

"i really don't," Red said carefully, in case Sans was a psychopath.

Sans' smile suddenly looked very sad, but it only showed very briefly on his face as a second later he was pulling out a chair to sit next to the bed. Red sent a discreet glance to his brother and Edge nodded, ready to beat up the small skeleton, or more realistically call for someone if Sans did anything shady.

"let me introduce myself again, then," Sans said in a suddenly much more professional tone. "my name is sans undertale and i'm a scientist. i've been doing research around your condition, and a week ago my proposal for a treatment was approved by a committee of researchers and doctors. we're going to start trials next month and we need volunteers. testing on artificial subjects has shown an improvement of 93% of the symptoms with little to no side effects, and we estimate that after further research based on the trials results, we might be able to produce a complete cure by the end of the year."

By the end of Sans' tirade, Red's jaw was basically hanging on the floor.

He had heard of some lab looking up into a treatment for his condition, but it was so rare and only affected monsters so no one cared enough about it to donate any money to the cause, and it was considered a dead end.

And now this Sans guy was saying he was going to find a cure for it, not just a treatment, within the year?

Had Red fallen into another sleeping phase?

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Edge pressed the smaller skeleton, grabbing his shoulders. "IS THIS FOR REAL?!"

Oh no, if Edge started to get emotional, Red was going to cry too! He couldn't believe that this was real, yet Sans smiled again and nodded.

"it's real. i brought documentations about it if you want to read it to make sure," he said but Edge was already throwing himself at his big brother, the two laughing and crying and hugging.

It took a while for Red and Edge to calm down, and Sans waited patiently for them to pay attention again to his explanations. Edge left the room after a while as he wanted to let their father know about it, while Red listened to the rest of Sans' explanations. He didn't understand all the scientific terms, but he understood enough to know that this was real, this was happening.

"there's one more thing i need to let you know," Sans said as he glanced at the door. Red noticed the blush on the other's face was back. "as you can expect, i wouldn't normally come to visit all the potential volunteers for the trials, but it was important for me to be the one to tell you about my research. you said that you don't remember me, but i remember you."

"you sure you got the right guy though?" Red couldn't help but ask. "i really never get visitors, i think i would've known if a cute guy like you came by."

Red didn't mean to suddenly drop the c-adjective, but it was out before he realized what he was saying. Thankfully Sans didn't comment on it though he did blush deeper.

"i wasn't a visitor. i was a patient, here in this hospital. we were in the same room and we played games together. we were like 6 or 7 maybe so i guess it makes sense that you wouldn't remember..."

Red tried again to poke his memory with the new elements, and now that Sans was mentioning it, it did ring a bell. If they had been around 6 years old, then it meant that Edge was just a baby at the time, and Red's father didn't want to bring Edge to the hospital too often as an infant so they didn't visit much. Yet Red never felt like his childhood had been a lonely one.

It was starting to come back to him. Images of another skeleton boy, reading a book about bunnies while Red played video games. How they would talk late at night, until a nurse had to come to shush them and threaten to call their parents. The lonely days when Red would look over the other's sleeping form as he was in the middle of a sleeping phase that would last seemingly forever. Or the opposite happening, Red waking up after a sleeping phase and finding the boy singing him a lullaby.

That boy... It was Sans.

And now that boy had come back as a young adult to deliver the good news that Red was going to be cured.

Red got sentimental again and turned a wet smile at his old friend.

"oh man... i can't believe you're that boy."

Sans perked up at Red's words, his joy at being remembered impossible to hide.

They spent the next hour or so remembering old memories of them playing together and they got so engrossed in their stories that Red barely noticed his brother saying he was going home for the day. Sans explained how his condition improved as he grew up and that by the time he was 8, he hadn't had a sleeping phase that lasted longer than a couple hours, which virtually meant that he was cured. He wasn't the first patient to recover from the condition, or at least enough that it didn't hinder his day to day life, but it was still an uncommon occurrence. By 10, Sans was a monster kid like any other with no need to be cooped up in a hospital room, and his family moved away.

Over time, Sans had started to think more and more about Red and how he was doing, if he was still sleeping in the hospital. In middle school, Sans started to research more about that condition that had plagued his childhood, and in highschool, his grades in the more scientific subjects were through the roof, and he was encouraged by his teachers to pursue a grand career in a scientific field. He had always loved research and decided to dedicate his time to finding a cure to the condition, wondering if he'd ever cross paths again with Red.

"to be honest, i never forgot about you, i kept thinking of you all the time when i was working," Sans admitted with a blush. "your memory kept me motivated through medical school and then my masters. i just got the okay for the trials last week, and i rushed here to see if you were still around because i wanted you to be the first one to know. you were in the middle of a phase when i got here, but just hearing that you were still in this hospital and... well... alive, was such a relief. so i took a hotel room and waited for you to wake up. when i called this morning to check on you, the nurse said you were awake and i didn't even think about it and came here. sorry if that's weird?"

Sans chuckled awkwardly as he scratched the back of his neck, blushing again.

"dude, you just gave me the best news in my life," Red playfully poked him in the ribs. "i don't care if it's weird or what, i'm just so grateful right now!! and hey, you're my best childhood buddy, so thanks for bringing back those memories too! you need to let me know how i can repay you for everything, man!"

He was just joking around, but then Sans said, very seriously, "then go on a date with me. when you get better."

And well, there really was no way Red wouldn't accept.

#Cognito fic #Kustard #Kustard Week 2023 #Sans #Red #UF!Sans #Sans/UF!Sans #SFW

[misteria247]

A little bit of a vent on my health issue as well as the cause of it. Please feel free to ignore this I just need to talk for a moment given the day today and try to wrap my head around this-

So awhile back I started dealing with a reoccurring health problem that I've been dealing with since I was 12 years old. This health issue is not life threatening but it's been stressful and painful to deal with. This health issue is known as a pilonidal cyst. It's a cyst that develops at the tailbone/lower spinal area. It's rather embarrassing and incredibly gross but at the same time it's just how my life works so anyways-

Because of this health issue I'd had to get surgery twice within my lifetime to try and keep it from coming back. Once when I was 12, and once when I was in my high school years. And for awhile it stayed away until a few years ago it'd came back for a third time. And for awhile I've dealt with it, taking antibiotics and calling off from work to rest and not push myself when it gets bad. Why am I talking about this you ask?

Well at the beginning of this week, that same health issue came up, and basically the entire rest of the week I've been either struggling to walk, have been having trouble sitting on my butt in certain positions and have had major back pain because of it. When Tuesday/Wednesday rolled around it busted and I believed that I'd get better since it was starting to drain.

I was wrong.

As soon as it busted, I've been incredibly ill. I've been getting headaches, fevers, and horrendous bouts of nausea. So much so that I've had to call off every day of work and I had to call my doctor to get antibiotics which is the usual drill when this happens. However this time it was different, my doctor had personally asked me if I could come into the office in person asap. Which leads to today.

I go to the doctor and get checked out and long story short I get basically told this.

My scar tissue is having a newer, slightly bigger cyst developing underneath. So much so that he strongly recommends that I get the surgery. He also wants me off from work for the rest of this week as well as next week, well after Thanksgiving to try and heal from the infection of said cyst as well as have the antibiotics do their job and get an appointment set up to meet with the surgeon they've referred me to.

I've went to this surgeon before for an earlier referral, however I'd refused to do the surgery because at the time my cyst wasn't exactly needing that kind of medical care. It was manageable. That and unlike the other two surgeons I'd went to in the past, this one was actually honest with me and told me that even if I'd gotten this surgery, it wasn't a complete guarantee that I'd be rid of this horrible thing. That sometime down the line in my lifetime it could actually come back and we'd have to do surgery again. So back in August I'd told them that I wouldn't do it because in my mind, it just seemed like an absolute waste of time especially given that I could very well end up in the same position once again later within my life. That and I was just so tired of it, it'd be the third time I'd be doing this insanity.

But now it's unavoidable. Because it's getting a new cyst beneath the scar tissue and it's gotten bigger and it's gotten to a point where it's quite literally fucking with my life and way of living. Am I upset about this development?

Absolutely.

In fact I'm currently trying not to break down, just feeling completely numb to the situation. I want to scream, I want to curse, I want to break something, but I also just want to curl up into a ball underneath my blankets and just stay there till this nightmare is over and done with.

I hate it, I hate it so much. That this stupid cyst has been haunting me since sixth grade, that I can't ever seem to be free from it and that I'll always have reminders of it. Whether it's in physical form or in scars on my tailbone and lower back. I just want a fucking break from all the bullshit of this year, from all the health issues that seem to never end. I don't want to be sick anymore, or be in pain constantly anymore.

I just want to be normal and not deal with this anymore.

I have no idea how I'm even going to make this work, how I'm going to earn money while I recover from this surgery whenever I finally get it. I've got bills to pay and mouths to help feed, pets to take care of and not to mention the holidays and whatnot. The only good thing is that I've got my family supporting me during all this, as well as an incredible boss who's been the most understanding and patient woman I've ever had the pleasure to work for.

I don't know what the future will bring, and honest to God I'm worried as well as frustrated with everything but hopefully things will work out in the end. Also I know that it's selfish of me to ask y'all this, but please pray for me, cuz I'm gonna need all the help I can get with this entire situation.

#oli talks #ooc #muns ramblings #mindless ramblings of a madman #personal #vent post #venting kinda #medical issues #I'm just so damn tired of it all sometimes

[racinggirl]

unconditionally || lando norris 4

type: one shot pairing: lando norris x reader word count: 2.9k summary: meeting each other turns into something other than just friends... Will he trust you? requested: yes! ''Lando Norris with a singer!reader please'' (by anon) Requests are OPEN warnings: mentions of cheating, trust issues, a little bit of angst, mentions of s*x, swearing notes: I loved writing this one! it's something I'm quite proud of, especially since I've connected a song to it. I linked the song in the text, so just click on the link to listen to it once you get there!

my masterlist

We all know a story about a girl who likes a boy, and a boy who likes a girl, a story that can go multiple ways, in most cases at least. There’s scenario one; the boy likes the girl and the girl likes the boy back, easy as it is, they start dating and love each other till the end. No drama, no interferences in their relationship, just love and good luck. A dream, right? Then you also have scenario two; the boy likes the girl, the girl doesn’t like the boy, the boy tries but fails and they both end up liking someone else. Sure, it would be a heartbreak for the boy, but he’d eventually move on and have a happy life. The same goes the other way around, obviously, when the girl likes the boy but the boy doesn’t like the girl.

However, there’s one more scenario, a situation that has happened to Lando Norris, a brown haired, 22 year old boy from Bristol, who occasionally drives a very fast car all over the world. He loved racing, it was one of his passions ever since he was a child. He was fast too, nonetheless, and was clever in his mind, because he had to think of every word he spoke whenever they asked him a question, especially about you.

See, that one scenario, the kind of odd scenario, still has to be discussed. It’s a scenario in which the boy and the girl, at first, don’t like each other, but are very close to each other. It’s more of a elongation of scenario two, in which the boy likes a girl, but that girl doesn’t like him, anymore.

‘’I fucking hate her.’’ Lando was packing his clothes, roughly, throwing his orange McLaren hoodie in, not even taking the time to fold it, because he had to see her, he had to ask her, know, maybe even not know. His shoes weren’t even tied, because he couldn’t wait, no, he had to see her now. ‘’Lando, wait, maybe there’s an explanation, don’t rush things now.’’ Max Fewtrell, one of Lando’s best friends from childhood stood in the doorframe, one foot crossed over the other, as he watched the Brit furiously pack his stuff.

Lando scoffed, but did not pause packing, pair of boxers, joggers, a white shirt and some socks. He then walked over to the bathroom, gathering the essentials; toothbrush, toothpaste, Moroccan argan oil for his curly hair, a brush. ‘’Mate-‘’

‘’Don’t ‘mate’ me, Max, I fucking saw the pictures, alright? You’re not telling me this’’ he said as he grabbed his phone from his pocket, opening it by the face recognition – groaning as his phone at first didn’t recognize his face, but it did at the second try – and revealing the picture that had been scattered all over the internet by now.

Max looked at the picture, and a sigh escaped his lips as he moved to the side when Lando forced his way back to the bedroom, pushing his toiletry bag in the suitcase before zipping it right up. He was mad, pissed, but mostly heartbroken, because the one thing he hoped wouldn’t happen to him, happened, and it hurt.

‘’She’s calling.’’

‘’Don’t answer.’’

‘’But-‘’

‘’Don’t answer.’’

Lando was quick in walking towards Max, grasping the phone out of his hands and his finger pressing the red button without hesitation. ‘’I’m leaving, I’m gonna hear her story, not that I’m buying it, and I’m breaking up with her.’’ Lando didn’t even notice the tear falling from the corner of his right eye, onto his light pink cheek, blushed, because of the stress. Max knew now was not the time to argue with Lando, because he knew Lando had to deal with it on his own way, and he could, he was strong.

-

Weeks later, and you were walking through the club, a drink in your hand, your phone in the other. You were searching for your friends, because believe it or not, you’d lost them in the middle of this big, fancy club in London. You opened your phone, ready to text or call your friends – not that it would actually be effective though, because the music was blasting so loudly you couldn’t even hear your own thoughts – and that’s when you felt two arms wrapping around you. Your first reaction was pulling away, immediately, but when you heard the familiar voice you calmed down.

‘’For god’s sake Chris! Don’t do that again!’’ You tried to be louder than the music, which was a task on itself, and followed one of your friends to the area your friends had moved to. Once you arrived, you noticed your friends were talking to people, other people, people you didn’t know, yet.

‘’Y/n! There you are! We lost you.’’ You simply smiled at Daisy, one of your friends, and rose your glass a little above your shoulders. ‘’A girl needs to drink too.’’ You smiled, taking a sip of your cocktail.

‘’We made friends, here, introduce yourself.’’ You walked closer to the group of friends, guys, a few of them. You introduced yourself, and so did they, they were fun people, nice to hang out with, chill, good dancers for sure, and handsome too, definitely.

A few drinks later, quite a few actually, and you found yourself on one of the boy’s houses, on the couch, laughing with them, telling stories, talking about life, and it’s obstacles. You felt comfortable, relaxed, at ease. You might blame it on the alcohol, but it was good, fun, something you hadn’t had in a long time because of your performances.

‘’No fucking way you did that!’’ One of the boys laughed after you just told them one of your embarrassing stories you had whilst being on the podium. ‘’Yep, and I was so embarrassed, but I had to keep going.’’ ‘’With the same clothes?’’ ‘’Yep.’’ You laughed.

In the mean time, you had felt an arm on your shoulder, one of the guys, the brown haired one, had his arm placed carefully on the couch behind you a few minutes ago, but it had slipped down to your shoulder while you were telling your story. You didn’t mind, though, he was nice, friendly and good looking.

Everybody had been caught up in a conversation, Chris was talking to Tom and Brenda, Max was in a conversation with Daisy and Paul, some others were grabbing drinks in the kitchen. You were silent, as well as the guy next to you, the guy you had been dancing with in the club, sitting with in the taxi on your way to Tom’s house, and you were now sitting next to, in the slightly dark living room.

‘’You’re pretty.’’ You heard the same guy whisper those words in your ear, his breath hitting the side of your head, a breath that was, even with the amount of alcohol you both had consumed, still filled with a nice scent of peppermint. He was aware of good hygiene, something you could only appreciate.

‘’Thank you, Lando, you are very handsome yourself as well.’’ You turned to look at the guy, maybe it was the alcohol flowing through your system, but you could swear he just winked at you. ‘’Care to go upstairs?’’ He was direct, very direct, and you liked it, because you had been thinking the same thing he had. ‘’Yes.’’

-

That evening was one to remember, because how it had effected your life, was one to write down in the books. Headlines, everywhere, news, media, Instagram, everybody wanted to know if it was true, did Lando Norris have a relationship with the singer y/n y/l/n, after being seen together in a club, a taxi and outside Tom Bale’s house; all on the same evening, that evening.

‘’Have you spoken to him about this?’’

‘’No, of course not, Daisy, I don’t even have his phone number.’’ You looked up from your phone, another headline about the two of you making it to the #1 trending tweet this week.

‘’Just ask him on Instagram, then.’’ You sighed, biting your lip as you went to Instagram, searching his name in the search bar and pressing on it. Then, at that moment, your heart skipped a beat, since you saw the white text in the blue section.

Follow back

-

More weeks had passed, and you and Lando decided to ignore the media, because the both of you agreed you weren’t into each other, at least, not to that extend. A boy and a girl, not into each other. Yet.

It was time for Silverstone, the British GP, and you were invited to sing the national anthem, which was a big honour, and good for your career, being able to give it a boost after your well deserved break. Your singing career had been going great, you brought out a few albums, hitting the top hits every time, you were growing, quickly. Creating a decent fanbase, and whether you liked it or not, since that evening with Lando, it grew even more.

‘’y/n?’’ You smiled at the brown haired guy in front of you, giving him a hug when you walked through the paddock with him. ‘’Hi, Lando, surprised to see me?’’ You let out a laugh, smiling at the Brit.

‘’No, I mean, yes, I didn’t know you were coming.’’

‘’Well, I thought I’d surprise you.’’

‘’I like the surprise.’’

‘’Good.’’

One problem, your one time thing with Lando that evening in the middle of London, wasn’t a one time thing anymore. Whenever one of you felt off at night, after you had exchanged phone numbers through Instagram, you and him decided to meet up a few more times, without anyone noticing, because you didn’t want more headlines to cover your for you pages.

No feelings, on either side, yet. It was just a casual, friends-with-benefits situation you never thought you’d find yourself in, and especially not with Lando Norris. But it didn’t bother you, at least not too much, you were getting some action and movements in your life again, feeling that adrenaline whenever you sneaked out of his house the next day, or making sure nobody would see him get into your house in the middle of the night.

It was fun, till Lando found himself in this situation, this scenario, better known as scenario 2, and no, not race-wise scenario’s, but more serious, life scenario’s. Even though you both promised each other, no feelings, it’s not something you can ignore when you actually get them, because you, of all people knew, feelings weren’t something you could control.

‘’You sang beautifully, y/n.’’ You were in the McLaren hospitality, alongside Daniel and Lando, because you knew Lando the best of everyone on the grid, and we all know why and how. ‘’Thanks Daniel, it means a lot.’’ You smiled at the Aussie guy and then looked over at Lando, a sigh escaping your lips. ‘’You alright?’’ You asked, frowning. Lando’s race didn’t go as planned, a DNF to his name because of a engine failure made him be the first, and the only one, to not finish the race.

‘’Yeah, I’m fine.’’ He mumbled and looked down at his hands. You eyed the Australian man, who patted Lando’s back a few times. ‘’Ah don’t worry mate, next time you’ll be up there at the podium again.’’

Later that day, after all the media obligations had been fulfilled, you went to the hotel with Lando, simply because you as well stayed at that hotel, and you wanted to cheer Lando up, in your own ways. The moment you stepped into his hotel room, after making sure nobody saw the two of you go in there together, you smashed your lips against his, feeling your back being pressed against the wall as you and Lando both got rid of your clothes as fast as you could.

‘’I had a feeling this would cheer you up, at least a little bit.’’ You mumbled, your hands moving over his well tanned, muscular and perfect body. However, when he was shirtless, not bottomless yet, and you were standing in your lingerie set in front of him, he took a step back, turning around without looking at you. You were confused, did you do something wrong? Was it your lingerie set? Your breath?

‘’Are you alright?’’ You asked, following him to the bed as he was sitting on top of it, his head resting in his hands, elbows on his knees, creating red circles on his skin. ‘’Lando.’’ You sat next to him, a hand on his back, which made him tense up at first, but relax after. ‘’We can’t do this anymore, y/n.’’ You frowned, what was he talking about? Why did he change his mind all of a sudden? ‘’What?’’

‘’We can’t do this, this, friends with benefits thing anymore.’’ As if the confusion wasn’t enough already, you were completely lost right now.

‘’And why’s that?’’

‘’Just because.’’

‘’Just because what, Lando, don’t you think I deserve an explanation?’’

‘’You do, but I can’t tell you.’’

What the fuck?

‘’Well, you should, because I deserve to know!’’ You were almost raising your voice right now, because you were confused, literally seconds ago you were all over each other, not being able to not touch each other and right now, you were sitting here, feeling rejected, big time.

‘’We made an agreement, didn’t we?’’ He asked, his voice a little bit louder than usual. ‘’We made an agreement and I broke it!’’

He broke it, you weren’t sure of what he was saying, but unconsciously, you knew. ‘’What, you mean you..’’

‘’Yes, I have feelings for you, okay?!’’

Shit.

‘’You do?’’ You carefully sat down, a blanket covering your body, your head rested against the wall behind the bed. You looked at him, his struggle being visible, even from the outside. You knew his past, you knew about his ex, the one that cheated on him. You knew he had to find out through the media, seeing a picture of his – back then – girlfriend, kissing another guy, it’s horrible to experience something like that, and you knew, because it happened to you as well.

‘’Yes, I do, and I’m sorry, because I know it doesn’t come from your side, and I just, I can’t help it.’’ He sighed, and you simply smiled, reaching for his hand.

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’Lando, you’ve heard my recent song, right?’’ You were playing with his fingers, gently, aligning your fingers with his.

‘’I have, yeah. Why?’’

‘’Listen to it again.’’

(I recommend listening to ‘Unconditionally from Katy Perry’)

You and Lando had grown close, especially the last couple of weeks, months. Sure, you were friends with benefits, but other than that, you knew each other’s deepest secrets, small habits and frustrations. You had become best friends, and you cherished that deeply. You knew every little detail about him, and he knew the same about you. Moments shared together, texting every week, every day almost, but still you denied the fact you were actually falling in love with your best friend. So you wrote it down, your feelings. That was one of the good things about being a singer-songwriter, you were good with words, and right now, you were glad you had released this song a few days ago, because it was something you wrote whilst being in this friend-relationship with Lando.

He listened to the song he put on his phone, really focussing on the lyrics and once it finished, he slowly turned to you, but you weren’t looking at him. ‘’I know it’s hard for you to trust again, Lando.’’ You whispered, your gaze slowly moving to face his. He swallowed, thicky, and let out a sigh, a sigh that felt like it was stuck in his throat for weeks now. ‘’But so do you.’’ He whispered back, a small smile appearing on his face as you intertwined your fingers, holding onto his hand tightly.

‘’But I trust you.’’ You both said it at the same time, making the both of you let out a soft chuckle, Lando moving up to sit closer to you, his arm wrapped around your shoulder, just like he did the first night you hung out together.

‘’I want to be with you.’’ He then whispered, close to your ear. ‘’I want to make memories with you, show you guys can be good, help writing songs by creating situations you can write about, I want to take you to every race, support you at your concerts, make you feel loved, happy, yeah, especially that.’’

You turned to look at him, tingling feelings in your stomach, his hand still intertwined with yours, a smile on both your lips. You kissed him, this time not as just friends, but as something more valuable than that, something more meaningful and partially complicated. ‘’Be mine.’’ He whispered against your lips, and you simply nodded in response, your hands cupping his cheeks as you pulled him closer, if that was even possible.

‘’I love you, Lando.’’

‘’I love you too, y/n, unconditionally.’’

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 imagines #racinggirl writes #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #racinggirl requests #f1 fic #lando norris #formula one #f1 drabble #f1 one shot #f1 fandom #f1 fanfiction #f1 fanfic #lando norris x y/n #lando norris fic #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagines #lando norris mclaren #formula one fanfiction #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 imagine #max fewtrell

[chickalupe]

Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background

#personal #don't reblog #personal don't reblog #vent post #life update