#i guess alina has a lot of titles too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yesimwriting · 3 years

Note

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

#headcanons #headcanon #darkling x reader #the darkling x reader #the darking x you #aleksander morozova x reader #general kirigan x you #general kirigan imagine #grishaverse imagine #grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone x reader #aleksander morovoza x reader #aleksander morozova imagine

339 notes · View notes

studyingmoominvalley · 3 years

Text

My analysis of the Moominvalley (2019) season 2 soundtrack

I am skipping songs that are unnecessary, so I’m sorry First Day of My Life, you’re a bop but you just don’t mean shit. You’re happy and upbeat, my analysis is never like this.

Homesick by Cavetown:

Gotta love me some Cavetown, and Robbie’s songs pretty much always have a deeper meaning. SO LET’S LOOK IN!

“My, oh my, the sky's so much bigger than we thought/And I wanna see it all”. This can be from the perspective of someone who wishes to travel, who hasn’t seen the world as much as Snufkin has. So this is a Moomintroll song. He doesn’t know that much about the world, only getting it read to by his Pappa and his memoirs. But for someone as self-confident as Pappa, the world is possibly a lot more than what he lets on. And that is what Moomin wants to know. He wants to start his own adventure, and this is what the end of season 2 and what we have seen of season 3 seems to let on. However, as much as Moomin longs for adventure, he longs for home just as much. This topic is explored in Farewell Snorkmaiden. He has an attachment to anything related to his home or his Mamma that he just can’t start his own free life with Snorkmaiden. Just because he doesn’t want to let his friends go, doesn’t mean he’s ready to leave home. Just because he wants the world, doesn’t mean he’s ready to give up a part of it. He’s having so much fun adventuring, being his own Moomin. But he just can’t be away from home. He’s homesick, as the title suggests.

Something New by girl in red:

LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO! I love me some girl in red too, but this is analysis time, not reviewing.

Moomin longs to travel south with Snufkin. I think pretty much almost all of these songs will be him longing to be free like Snufkin, but this is probably because he’s a gay fucking mess. Lil bitch. Anyway yeah. Moomin longs to travel south with Snufkin. He’s probably, like, trying to find him in the Winter or something because of lyrics like “We’ve only just started, so hold on”, “There’s no looking back now, I’ll stay here” and “I hope to be there someday”. He just wants to be where Snufkin is, see him, travel with him. But he thinks of a place that “looks like a fairytale”, which shows this is all an unrealistic fantasy he wishes to live out. Snufkin needs his alone time, Moomin is just being a gay bastard.

God damn it Made of Stone. I just can’t analyze you. You’re here to guilt trip Moomin, you made me sob in a fake out episode, I love you but there is just no story in you. You’re a sob story, and I love you for it.

Cloudy Eyes by New Ro

Such vibes. Anyway.

Moomin stop being gay. This is a Snufmin song, don’t change my mind, you can’t. Snufkin and Moomin are out of touch in their ways of life, Moomin being attached to home and Snufkin being a wanderer at heart, but yet their connection to each other is still so strong. Despite their differences, they can’t help being attracted to each other. Moomin feels like he’s himself, everything is good, when Snufkin is there with him. He hopes that Snufkin never stops returning to the valley, he hopes nothing changes within Snufkin or their relationship. He makes him feel free. And he wonders if this feeling can last forever.

Change Is Gonna Know My Name you fucking AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

How DARE you be so good in an episode with the WORST moment and WORST representation of Thingumy and Bob! HOW DARE YOU! Sniff better get a proper redemption. He better be friends with Stinky and be gay and do crime! YOU FAILED! YOU FAILED WHERE IT WAS SO EASY TO SUCCEED! GOD DAMN IT! Anyway if you got the hint we’re skipping this one.

Start Again by BOBBi

Gotta say I love this composer name. Lol Bobbie. GAWD DAMMIT BOBBIE. Anyways.

I don’t even need to say this is Snorkmaiden and Moomin, the show already tells us. But BEST FRIENDS?! WHAT IS GUTSY TELLING US?! So, maaaaaaaaybe…

At the end of the episode this is from, they imply a breakup, which is also implied with the use of “best friend” instead of “lover”. The song is about starting again, building up the foundation for them to live together and work on themselves. They don’t need to do this though. They’re picking out the relationship they don’t need and working on it because they feel they want it. The final chorus does prove my analysis a bit.

“Even if it's make believe/Even if I know you're gonna leave/Even if it makes me sad/You are my best friend, we can start again”. Snorkmaiden is aware that this relationship isn’t working. She knows that it won’t stay together and that Moomin is going to leave at some point. But she wants to give him a chance. She has the chance to salvage something that was broken and maybe just fix it into something platonic. He’s her best friend. They can start this again as a new friendship. A new home. They’re building a metaphorical home, a home for their romance to retire and their friendship to heal.

A Place To Call Home by jens

This song is so nice, it makes me happy.

This song is definitely about the lighthouse but I’m not boring am I? I’m pulling out Snufkin. Moominvalley has so many interesting things about it. Secrets, magic, strange people. He travels to and from this place so much that it feels like a place he can call home. Not his real home, but at least one that feels like home and somewhere he can stay for as long as he needs to. He even finds home in the Moomin family. They have their flaws, but it gives them charm. Especially Moomin. He’d rather not call anywhere else his home, this is his place to call home.

Cloudy by Vilma Alina

Fucking C L O U D Y! I love this soundtrack so much istg.

Yep. November in Moominvalley. Snufkin longing for the Moomin family, mainly Moomin. The world feels right with them around, but it feels wrong without them. Now he’s stuck with these weird ass people. But Toft is there too and we love them so I guess it isn’t too bad.

That’s my analysis! Now to wait for season 3!!!

#moomins #moominvalley #snufmin #analysis #soundtrack #yay I did it!#I can't wait for season 3 y'all #moominvalley season 2

20 notes · View notes

sirenprincess15 · 3 years

Text

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 13

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Description: What if Aleksander hadn’t answered the door when Ivan interrupted the war room kissing? What if Aleksander and Alina had a bit more time to get to know each other before Baghra told her his true identity? Alina is the only one who can comfort Aleksander through his nightmares. Will she leave once she knows who he is?

This story is based on the show version and features a soft on the inside, hard on the outside Aleksander with an emphasis on emotional hurt/comfort and angst. If you are looking for lots of hurt!Aleksander thoughts, then this story is for you. Mal exists but pretty much solely to cause Aleksander some angst. Don’t worry. It will be a Darklina ending.

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Grisha are oppressed in this universe, and I don’t shy away from showing the horrors of that. There may eventually be mentions of canon-typical torture (Fjerdan pyres), death of family members, and cruelty to Grisha children. It’s not the focus, but that backdrop is definitely there and comes up as characters discuss their past.

In this chapter: Angsty Aleksander considers possibilities for handling Alina now that she knows the truth. Fedyor discusses his relationship with Ivan. This chapter is a deep dive into Aleksander's thoughts and emotions as he fears Alina will choose to be with Mal.

Chapter 13

Aleksander stared at his favorite painting in the war room. It was a vivid picture of the sky with a vibrant sun; the rays flooded down into the dark sea. He gently reached his hand up to touch one of the rays, but it was just paint on canvas. It couldn’t actually warm. He wondered if this was as close to sunlight as his war room would ever see again. Alina was with the tracker, and surely she was never coming back.

Oh he was trying to convince himself that she would realize the tracker was no match for her, perhaps if he just let them meet and talk it through she’d figure it out on her own, but he knew he was fooling himself. Without any real hope, he’d gone through the motions--summoned the tracker for her, given him accommodations in a suite even, allowed them to meet alone. Now it was late in the night and Ivan was guarding outside the suite. He’d promised to send word to Aleksander if their heartbeats changed, for any reason. Aleksander tried not to think about that even as the image of the tracker putting his hands all over her body refused to leave his mind. Perhaps she would remember he’d been kind in 50 years when she realized the mortality of the tracker. Maybe it would only be 30. The tracker certainly couldn’t hold her attraction for long.

But if she chose the tracker, there was the dilemma of what to do about her power, and that was why he was already on his second bottle of kvas. He knew what needed to be done, but he wasn’t sure that his heart could do it. He would have to force her to use her power the way they needed. There really was no choice. The lives and safety of all Grisha depended on their powers. It wasn’t something he could just give up because she had a crush on her little mortal friend. The tracker would never agree to any of his plans, and Alina would listen to him. Aleksander was very much regretting not choosing that army accident for the tracker, but then there was the matter of possibly needing him for the Stag, which Alina had to have for anything to go right. Aleksander sighed and refilled his glass. Truly, the choices were going to end up being manipulating her into using her power as he saw fit or trusting David’s idea of how to get control of it. To manipulate her, he would have to use the tracker, which meant letting her be with him now. And, of course, there was still that unlikely possibility she might actually pick him. It was a laughably remote possibility, but his heart wouldn’t let him make choices that closed that option off.

He had been playing this game of long chess for centuries. He was well accustomed to making the difficult choices, to realizing you had to sacrifice something that meant a great deal to you to make it to the end game. This game was different, though. Everything changed when you truly loved one of the pawns and wanted to make her your queen.

He tried to focus his attention back on the painting, but all Aleksander could see was the look of hatred in Alina’s eyes when she called him the Black Heretic. All he could hear was her screaming about all he had done wrong. How would she look at him if he collared her and took control of her with David’s idea? How much worse might it be if he threatened to kill the oh-so-precious Mal to get her to do what he wanted? But he didn’t want any of those things. He wanted her to choose him, to help him defend all Grisha, together. The possibilities of how things might go if she didn’t wouldn’t leave his mind. He had seen now how she stared at him when she was filled with hate. Could he bear her looking at him like that to protect Grisha? Could he bear failing all Grisha just to get her to smile at him again? It was enough to fill his eyes with tears and make his jaw tremble, but even here, alone, protected in his office, he could not let himself let those walls down and feel. He was too dangerous when he let himself become overtaken with emotions.

A knock at the door startled him. It was well into the night. No one would come to disturb him … unless Ivan had sent them with news of Alina’s heartbeat. Was she having sex with the tracker right now? Surely the tracker hadn’t hurt her. He wouldn’t dare in his palace. Aleksander strode across the room to answer the door.

“Fedyor?” Aleksander’s voice rose with surprise. He paused a moment for the heartrender to explain his presence, but the man seemed quite flustered that he’d actually answered the door. “I do recall giving you specific instructions to get some rest because I might need you to guard Alina in the morning.”

“Um, yes, about that …”

Aleksander waited. Fedyor opened his mouth to speak several times, grimaced apparently at the words he was about to form, and then closed his mouth again. Aleksander raised an eyebrow in question but then tried to clear his head enough to analyze the behavior. The blush to Fedyor’s cheeks said he was embarrassed and it was clearly about something he didn’t want to admit. “You can’t sleep without Ivan,” he guessed.

Fedyor scrunched his face and shrugged his shoulders with unease. “I can’t sleep without Ivan,” he confirmed. “And if you’re truly going to need me in the morning, then you should know. But then I thought that if I am having trouble sleeping without Ivan, you might be missing Alina too. And maybe you might like some company? Ivan was worried about you.” He paused and shook his head. “Yeah, I hear myself now. I’ll show myself out.”

“You’re drunk!” Aleksander laughed. “You missed Ivan so much that you got yourself drunk.” And, yet, he was doing the exact same thing.

“A wee bit,” Fedyor said, holding up his fingers a small distance apart. “Am I going to be in trouble for not sleeping? I am in for it with Ivan if I upset you.”

Aleksander grabbed Fedyor by the arm and guided him in. “I should definitely reprimand you for disobeying orders,” Aleksander agreed. “Keep drinking with me and I will forget to do it.” He pulled a second glass from his desk drawer. It would have been Alina’s glass. Screw it all. He could work on having a well-oiled Grisha military machine that instantly obeyed any order tomorrow. Tonight, he actually could use the company.

“Drone on and on for me about the virtues of Ivan? Perhaps you will keep me distracted.” Aleksander tossed back his drink and then filled two glasses.

“You really love her that much, huh, sir?”

“We aren’t talking about me. We are talking about you and Ivan.” Aleksander tried to redirect, but his own thoughts were all over the place. “Did Ivan actually say he was worried about me?”

“He cares about you a great deal, sir. He’d prefer you to think he’s just a good soldier that has perfected anticipating your orders, but he considers you a friend. And, yes, he’s quite worried Alina will break your heart.”

His heart had been broken a long time ago, from betrayal after betrayal, from losing Luda, from seeing friend after friend die, from seeing his people suffer so severely for so long. Alina had just been the only one who could reach inside and hold together the pieces. Rather than cry about it, he had another drink. “You are not keeping up.”

Fedyor’s smile said he was more than happy to meet that challenge.

“Who else knows?”

“About …?”

“Miss Starkov not being in here. Have people started noticing?” It was silly to worry about bearing that humiliation. He was ancient. He could endure a few mortals noticing his girlfriend had left him. A few growls, maybe a few shadows at dinner time, and they would all snap into line and stop gossiping. Really, he had much bigger concerns to be worrying about, but perhaps because he did not want to think through those concerns any longer, he found it easier to focus on this problem that could potentially be solved.

Fedyor shook his head. “I have not heard gossip, sir, and believe me, when the Little Palace starts gossiping, I know. It’s not uncommon for the two of you to keep to your chambers and avoid meals. Only Ivan, Innessa, and I have been guarding her to know where she’s going. I think it will be a while before anyone notices anything amiss. Nadia would probably be the first because of her closeness with Alina. I could have her stationed at …”

“No,” Aleksander interrupted with a raised hand. “No, she is a good friend to Alina. In fact, I should encourage them to spend more time together. Give Alina a friend that is her future and not her past. Someone who lifts her up. Could you arrange for Nadia to invite Alina for some girl time or something tomorrow?” Perhaps that would get her away from the tracker. “Maybe Genya too.” He sighed heavily. “Unless Alina has realized Genya spies for me. I forgot to disclose that to her. I am going to be realizing things I hid and half truths I told her for some time. She thinks we should be 100% open and honest with each other on absolutely everything. Can you imagine?”

Fedyor nodded. “She does have a point. That is the best way for a relationship. It sounds hard, but there is something to be said for someone knowing you through and through to your core and still loving all of you the same.”

The words wounded as deep as the Cut could. Aleksander narrowed his eyes and stared at Fedyor with such anger, it was almost as if his gaze could cut back. Fedyor squirmed in his seat until he finally added, “Sorry, sir.”

“It’s fine,” Aleksander said. The pain was real, but it wasn’t Fedyor’s fault. Aleksander had thought Alina loved him. It was in her kisses, in her smile when he told a joke, in the way they made love. He had been so stupid to think that might mean that he could have what others had--true love, acceptance. He had thought that the problem with finding a true partner was his immortality. Alina had the potential to solve that issue, and it could have been amazing. He had almost forgotten he had centuries of shame that no one could ever possibly accept. It had never gone well when he had tried to confide in a friend along the years. The Black Heretic could never be forgiven. Ivan knew, but he was the exception, and Ivan accepted it only because he had seen so much horror in his own life. Aleksander was so dumb to think that Alina might possibly be able to accept him to his core, as Fedyor had said. Her rejection of his true self cut deep inside. It was a wound that would bleed and ache for centuries as he tried to learn how to function with her without her love. He could not blame her. His core was so dark, his mistakes so heinous, how could she possibly accept any of that? She had seen through to his core and hated what she saw there. Who could blame her?

“We are not drinking enough for this conversation,” he said while refilling their glasses and trying to shake off his dark thoughts.

“For what it’s worth, Ivan thinks you should just hold Alina down, force the Stag on her, and use David’s trick to gain her power. Then you don’t have to worry about her heart. I don’t know how he can say that. He would never do that to me. I don’t know why he expects you to be able to do it to her.”

“Ivan knows that the lives of all Grisha are dependent upon our using her power. We are trapped by the Fold, and our enemies are coming for us. Even our own people are turning on us. We need her to be able to protect all Grisha from persecution, death. He has seen … what happens when we don’t have that. And he knows that if we were to somehow lose control of her, her power, then they would come for us. He thinks we shouldn’t let the slaughter of all Grisha depend on a young woman’s whims, and he’s not wrong.”

“But you refuse because you love her?” Fedyor’s love for a good romance showed in his voice, even in his eyes.

“I love her,” Aleksander said without hesitation. “But even I would struggle to justify refusing for that reason alone. Using an amplifier to transfer power is a theory. Untested. We don’t actually know what that would do. What if it hurts her? What if it hurts her power, diminishes it? We cannot risk losing Alina’s power or the Stag. That amplifier is too rare to take chances with. Until David’s technique is proven, we cannot take the chance. I’ve authorized him to begin developing it. I will let him test it on a willing subject, but not Alina. I have a guard whose Grisha power never developed. He is a good man, and he is willing to sacrifice for our cause. His partner is Grisha. David will see if he can get it to work with a minor amplifier with them. Then, we shall see.”

“That is well thought out, sir.”

Aleksander shrugged. Thinking, strategizing, planning, those were his strengths. Love? This was all foreign to him, but not to Fedyor. Aleksander had an expert in a solid relationship right in front of him. “So tell me, Fedyor, if you needed to use Ivan’s power to save all Grisha, what would you do?”

“Then I would talk to him about it, sir.”

“And if that didn’t persuade him?”

“Then I guess I would talk some more. I cannot imagine … forcing, that would never work.”

Aleksander sighed. Fedyor was right, of course. Alina would never forgive him for forcing her if it came to that. It was just that it was the fate of all Grisha on their shoulders. “And if he preferred to just sleep with another man instead?” That stupid tracker would be the ruin of everything.

“Then I think I’d probably kill him.” Fedyor laughed. “The other man, that is. Heart attack seems perfectly appropriate in those circumstances.”

“That, I’m sure, could be arranged.” They both laughed. Better to fantasize about the tracker’s death than let his pain, loss, stress, and worry consume him.

The creak of someone in the hall pulled Aleksander’s attention. Ivan was guarding Alina and the tracker. With Fedyor with him, he wasn't sure who else might come to his chambers so late in the night. Just as he was signaling the danger to Fedyor, she appeared in the doorway and instantly took his breath away.

“Alina …” He hadn't expected to see her this evening, certainly not so late. What could it mean? Was she there to tell him off some more? To announce her plans with the tracker? The thought made him feel ill.

Her eyes took in the state of the office--empty bottles of kvas everywhere, a very drunk Fedyor jumping to greet her then stumbling back. “Okay, what is this?” She laughed as she tried to help Fedyor back to his chair. “I have to know what is happening here.”

Ivan appeared right behind her shoulder, only steps behind. “It appears General Kirigan is trying to get my husband drunk.”

“Or am I trying to get General Kirigan drunk so he stops stressing about what Alina is doing?” Fedyor slurred a few of the words. He flashed a big smile as he tapped his head as if he had this brilliant idea no one else had thought of.

“Sir, do you want me to stay with her or return to the tracker?” Ivan checked.

“Oh this is ridiculous!” Alina interrupted before he could even think it through. “Mal has been asleep for hours, he's not hurting anyone, and we don't need a babysitter. Let Ivan get Fedyor to bed to sleep this off. He is going to need it.”

She knew he never allowed her without a guard. Did that mean she was staying? He couldn't let his heart hope. He tried to read her intent before he finally turned to Ivan and nodded his approval. Ivan had to half carry Fedyor out the door.

“I didn't expect to see you tonight,” he whispered once they were alone.

“It's your turn to sleep,” she said matter-of-factly.

“You would still …?”

“Were the nightmares fake?”

He shook his head slightly to say no even as the shame of his weakness flooded over him. He wasn't sure how he could even fake something like that. “You know now what drives them.”

“And I really make them better?”

He gave a sharp nod. Her warmth was the only thing that kept them at bay.

“Then I'm here.”

“What does the tracker think of that?” He should hold his tongue, accept what she was offering, but he couldn't help wondering if she had been with him. Surely Ivan would have mentioned it if the tracker got her heart racing. Had his lips been on her? She was Aleksander’s soulmate, and she had spent the start of the night with another man.

“Mostly he thinks I should cut your head off in your sleep. I'm working on discouraging that.”

She wouldn’t. He knew that. She clearly meant it as a joke. “Do you love him?” The words were out before he could stop himself. The kvas was loosening his tongue, he realized. He knew better than to ask questions he didn’t want to hear the answer to.

She was taken aback. “He is my … home, family, support … comfort.” She was struggling to describe it.

There were a lot of words missing there, important words--passion, happiness, love, partner. Didn’t she notice that? “He makes you think that you are not enough, but you are. He holds you back, and you let him.”

She sighed. “I didn’t come here to fight about Mal. Maybe you need to sleep this off too.”

He wanted to push, to make her realize how wrong the boy had always been for her, how he had hurt her, held her back, likely without ever even intending to. But he also didn’t want to irritate her and didn’t want her to leave. “I’m sorry.”

She nodded. “Come on, let’s get you to sleep. A few hours at least, and then you can fetch Ivan to guard me again.”

It felt awkward somehow undressing in front of her now, but he certainly wasn’t sleeping in his kefta and leather. He turned his back as he removed them, but secretly, he hoped she was looking, remembering what they had, longing for it. He didn’t dare turn to glance behind his back to know, though. He feared if she was turned away, if she was repulsed by him now that she knew who he was, it would crush him. With his black sleeping robes on, he gave her warning before looking up. “Okay, I’m ready.”

She climbed into bed and motioned for him to join. It was almost as it had been before, except that everything important wasn’t. She didn’t trust him. He wasn’t sure if she even still loved him. Their bodies were the same, but he did not feel the same comfort in her as he pulled her to his chest. They were going through some of the motions to get him to sleep, but nothing was the same. There would be no sex. Tears filled his eyes as he truly realized all he had lost the moment she found out his true identity, not just the orgasm he would not have, but the intimacy with her, the connection with someone who could be a true partner, even the comfort of acceptance. She could turn on her warmth, but would it do the same thing if she was full of hostility towards him?

“Alina? I am sorry. And I love you.” Maybe it didn’t matter. It didn’t change anything at all, but he wanted her to know.

“I know,” she said and then softly leaned up to kiss his cheek. “I can feel that. I’m trying to figure out with you how to tell when something is real. Baghra made me doubt … everything. Your isolating me from Mal made me question all of your motives. But if I pay attention to our bond, I’m starting to be able to tell if you’re being genuine. So, we start over here, with my getting to know the real you and deciding what I think of the actual Aleksander. I’m working on forgiving you.”

He closed his eyes and thought through all of that. She hadn’t mentioned the Fold or being the Black Heretic again. Maybe she could, if not forgive, at least understand how that happened now. Perhaps she could accept who he was. Was that even possible? She was angry he had lied. She felt he had tried to isolate her. He supposed he had, but not truly isolated; he had encouraged the friendships with Nadia and poor Marie and Genya. He had tried to isolate her from her past so she could move on to her future, to shed the things that held her back. If the letters to Mal hadn’t been so self-depreciating, apologetic for being Grisha, perhaps he might have permitted a visit earlier. She felt betrayed because he had lied, kept things from her, and manipulated her. He couldn’t exactly deny that, but he had tried to manipulate her to accept herself, to be happy. It was clear, though, she did not appreciate being treated that way.

“I’m trying to be better for you,” he whispered. He knew he could never deserve her. He had made too many mistakes, done too many dark things, and was truly filled with darkness himself. And she was light. The tears that had been filling his eyes finally slipped out as the guilt of all of his mistakes weighed heavily on his heart. “You make me want to be better.”

“Aleksander …” she whispered, her voice full of worry. Because of their bond, she could likely feel the pain in him, all the regret. She looked up at him and reached to brush the tears away. “I know you are. I can feel it. I appreciate it.”

She pressed her forehead to his and just sat there, breathing with him, letting the power flow and call between them, bringing all the emotions back and forth for a while. She was confused, but she cared. Deep in there was this tiny thread of hope.

He wanted to make her happy again. He had made her happy once, hadn’t he? All those smiles and laughs. He could do it again if she was willing to give him a chance. He would try his best to be what she needed. Full honesty and openness were not things he was good at. His entire life he had been forced to lie to everyone out of necessity, for survival. But he would try for her. He would do anything to bring that lightness back to her heart. “I’ll be better. I’ll make you smile again.”

She shifted their bodies and pulled him to her chest for a change. The slow beating of her heart calmed him as she ran her fingers steadily through his hair. “Shh, shh, shh. No more worries tonight. Go to sleep. Just go to sleep. I’m here. Just rest.”

She’d chosen to be with him and not the tracker. She was here. It was all that mattered. Together, they could do anything.

#aleksander x alina #kirigan x alina #alina x aleksander #alina x kirigan #aleksander morovoza #alina x darkling #aleksander morozova #general kirigan #the darkling #darklina

17 notes · View notes

sendme-2hell · 3 years

Text

Ranking the books I read in April

aka just ranting about the books I read in april pls ignore me

1. The Space Between Worlds - Micaiah Johnson

I cannot believe this book wasn’t nominated for a Hugo! I like the Hugo list (of the books I’ve read) but cmon. This book is like if you combined the social commentary in The City We Became and the queerness of Harrow the Ninth. Seriously this book had everything I wanted: parallel universes, great character development, social commentary, woc sapphic slow burn, satisfying ending. Also I feel like the title is paying homage to W. E. Dubois which is cool. “Between me and the other world, there is ever an unasked question: How does it feel to be a problem?” Like there is just this very cool idea of talking about other worlds as in literally other universes but also different worlds due to social and racial hierarchies.

2. Plain Bad Heroines - Emily m. Danforth

Horror, Hollywood, boarding school, everyone is gay, the narrator talks directly to the reader and it is hilarious, copious footnotes, have I mentioned how many sapphics there are? It’s hard to keep track. Plus polyamory. I just really loved this book and I felt it all came together in a way that was worth it.

3. Steel Crow Saga - Paul Krueger

This godamn book. I loved this book so much. I was so ready to yell about it on tumblr and tell people to read it. But apparently the author is someone who has harassed a lot of women so...uh...yeah. Nevermind I guess.

I do want to say it is the most accurate depicition of a Sherlock Holmes superfan that I have ever seen in media.

4. The Tiger’s Daughter - K. Arsenault Rivera

What if we went on a long trip on horseback and we were both lesbian warriors...jk unless…

Yeah so I loved this book so much. A lot of it is about navigating familial responsibility, fighting literal and metaphorical demons, fighting the patriarchy, fighting your anger, fighting tigers, etc...and yet I kept thinking to myself “this is the most romantic book I have ever read” and honestly I am gonna stick by that. It also has the “you think me a monster so I will become one” trope which is great. It is set in an Asian-based fantasy world and I did read a goodreads review that said it was as accurate to the countries it draws inspiration from as Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse is to the Russian and Scandinavian cultures it takes from. So that’s not great.

5. Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo

Speaking of! A few months ago I tried to read Shadow and Bone in preparation for the tv show and I could not finish it. The writing was...bad. Anyway I really liked Six of Crows and even though, yeah it’s tropey (I’m looking at you, Helnik backstory), there’s a reason those tropes work. Plus you cannot go wrong with a heist. About halfway through I did realize that there are six mcs and three couples so its kinda just like a giant triple date, which really changed how I read the whole story.

I’m very glad I did read it before seeing the tv show because I was able to be appropriately excited for the Crows and catch the Wylan reference and everything, but I also got to see the Alina stuff without having to read about it.

6. Crooked Kingdom - Leigh Bardugo

I think I somehow liked this even more than Six of Crows, but for narrative simplicity I’ll put it after. I really like it when you put people in an impossible situation and see how they figure it out. Especially if they get out in a clever and reasonably possible way that ties together many different plot threads and has a few good fake-outs. This did all of that, and also developed every character in a way I found satisfying (except [redacted] *cry emoji*).

Kaz pulls a Baru Cormorant with some money stuff and now I wonder if they would be friends.

I read this after watching the show which was good because I knew who Zoya and Genya were but bad because there is a point where Nina is like “here is how shadow and bone ends.” She’s just talking to Mattias and casually spoiling everything for me. So there goes my dreams of living spoiler free until the end of the show.

7. The Miseducation of Cameron Post - Emily m Danforth

My expectations for this book were....very different than it turned out, and I’m glad for it. After reading Plain Bad Heroines I shouldn’t have been surprised at how well written it is. I really appreciated how nuanced it is. It doesn’t spell out its ideas or themes and therefore lets you really sit with them. I would rank it higher but I don’t really enjoy reading about high school.

8. Foundryside - Robert Jackson Bennett

I love a good found family, especially if at the beginning of the book they are on opposing sides. Enemies to friends = best trope! Also it’s sapphic that’s always good. But the best part of this book was the worldbuilding which was so cool.

9. Malice - Heather Walter

Remember what I was saying about “you think me a monster so I will become one”? This book is the definition of that trope. Women becoming unhinged after being treated like shit, we love to see it! Especially if it’s gay. I do have to say, authors who write duologies where the first book ends on a cliffhanger, I see what you’re doing but yes, I will be preordering the next book.

10. Fugitive Telemetry - Martha Wells

I don’t have much to say because Murderbot is so consistently excellent. uh why is it so cathartic when xenophobes disrespect Murderbot and it’s humans step in and shut that shit down. Gets me every single time.

11. Queen of Coins and Whispers - Helen Corcoran

This book was like half romance half politics and unfortunately I did not find the politics that interesting or well written. But the romance was A+. It reminded me of Priory of the Orange Tree a LOT. Though significantly less dragons and I’m taking many points off for that.

12. The First Sister - Linden A. Lewis

I wanted to like this book a little more than I did. There was just maybe too much body horror for me. Interesting characters and world though. There was a location named Cytherea that they mentioned a lot and it was very distracting. I guess I still have tlt brainrot.

13. Shorefall - Robert Jackson Bennett

I think this book was well plotted out but it didn’t quite have my attention like Foundryside did. Also yet another book where a woman’s girlfriend ends up in her head. This time no one had to die so that’s nice. TM and SD take notes!

14. The Deathless Girls - Kiran Milwood Hargrave

Ok I LOVED the Mercies by KMH so I was a little disappointed in this Dracula retelling. It got interesting in the last 50 pages, but unfortunately that is not enough for me.

proud of myself for not reading a single straight book this April

#I just want to rant about the books I'm reading I doubt anyone will read this #I read a lot of good books in april!#six of crows is 2/3 straight #ninej when?!#my rankings

29 notes · View notes

inej-the-wraith-ghafa · 3 years

Text

let’s talk about about Leigh Bardugo’s book titles may sound pretty but uhh most of them don’t actually make any sense

1. Shadow and Bone - Okay, it sounds cool, and this one,,,kinda makes sense if you squint a little? the darkling has shadow powers so that where the shadow comes in, and the bone part can be referring to the antler amplifier. bit weird that alina’s light powers isn’t referenced at all because that’s the main part of the books, but overall not too bad i guess.

2. Siege and Storm - There may be a siege at the end of the book, but uh far as i’m remembering there wasn’t any storms, certainly not any with actual plot relevance. i get what she was going for with alliteration, and yeah it sounds like a pretty title but doesn’t really make sense in the context of the book.

3. Ruin and Rising - I really don’t have much to say here, it’s a pretty vague title in the first place. it’s another example of alliteration and it sounds cool, but it could to applied to almost any fantasy book and it would work as a title

4. Six of Crows - i think this may be the best title, there’s six of them and they’re part of the dregs gang who are repped by crows. no real problems here except that matthias isn’t technically part of that dregs but we ignoring that

5. Crooked Kingdom - look i adore crooked kingdom but to this day i could not tell you what the title means at all. i mean what kingdom are we even referring to? Kerch isn’t a kingdom, and that’s kinda where the whole book take place. the most sense i could make of the crooked part is that our main characters are all crooks, so maybe it’s alluding to that? idk man this book slaps anyway

6. King of Scars - this is the one title that actually doesn’t require any critical thought behind it LMAO. it’s about nikolai, he’s the king of scars. my issue lies with the next book however, bringing us to:

7. Rule of Wolves - “rule of wolves” sounds badass . but in the context of the book it doesn’t make that much sense? like yes it’s referring to Fjerda’s power, but,,Fjerda isn’t the only player in the novel. The key plots of the book is not just Ravka’s conflict with Fjerda but also with the Shu Han, and a even a little with the Kerch. so just making the title about Fjerda doesn’t really add up?? i feel like it would be better for the book title to be referring to ravka somehow since they are at the center of the novel

8. Language of Thorns - so language of thorns is a collection of short stories, and after thinking this one through its,,actually really clever? that is if i’m understanding this right - so in the first story there is this thornwood, where you are required to speak the truth. this is reinforced by the words in the back cover “love speaks in flowers. truth requires thorns”. So the title language of thorns implies honesty, meaning that all these fairy tales in the book are the “truth”. considering that a lot of the tales seem to start out with the premise of ordinary fairy tales but have darker/unusual twists from what would be a cookie cutter stereotypical ending, this makes a lot of sense and is actually pretty cool. i set out to critique it but nevermind, this one is an exception.

if you made it this far thank you, this post was made entirely in my head in the shower, (i was randomly thinking, huh. what does the title shadow and bone even mean? and it just spiraled from there) i mostly wrote it down to get all my thoughts sorted LMAO.

#grishaverse #shadow and bone #six of crows #crooked kingdom #rule of wolves #language of thorns #i know this is probably incoherent LMAO #also the end just turned into me praising language of thorns which it honestly deserves #so if you’re reading this and you have read language of thorns please give it a shot i highly recommend #siege and storm #ruin and rising #king of scars

18 notes · View notes

tricewithaz · 3 years

Text

THOTS ON SHADOW AND BONE

Hello everyone! it is I, Trice, and i come with my thoughts on the Shadow and Bone show cause ive got many

I'm gonna divide this in what i liked, what i disliked, and what i think could have been better but didn't really bother me. Feel free to send your opinions too!

As a whole, I really liked the show and I think it's a great adaptation that both fans and newcomers will enjoy. It's super well done! and every episode had me glued to the tv even though I knew what was going to happen.

Beware this is long

To start,

What i liked

Mal and Alina

I never really liked Mal in the books, mainly cause he had like, nothing going on for him, and not having his pov made him no favors whatsoever. Alina's perception of him was everychanging, two factors that didn't make him unlikeable necessarily, but that made me not want to read about him. In the show he's way more likeable and even though he still doesn't have a lot going on for him, you can see that he's always trying to protect alina, and you also see a bit of his demeanor through Archie's acting. I think he made a great job at portraying him. And Alina! Alina who in the books was essentially a y/n sort of character (although she did get better over time), her character, likes, dislikes, her DRIVE was incredibly portrayed in the show. Also Jessie (loml, marry me) and Archie have incredible chemistry together and they sold their yearning SO WELL (and so did the kid actors portraying them as children oh my GOD)...yall...i cried when they held hands. My favourite scene was definitely when Alina took care of Mal's wounds (a favorite trope of mine). And the HURT in their eyes whenever they thought the other was in danger....i saw the show dubbed but I'm sure their voices made it beyond incredible as well, their face acting was just on. point. Overall the show rEALLY makes me root for them both individually and together which is something the books didn't manage to do.

The Darkling

AAAAA i really enjoyed the Darkling omg, incredible charisma, Ben does such a great job (and so did his voice actor in Spanish oh my GOD). His acting was just as I imagined it in the books and i loved how he could be as sweet and mysterious as he could be menacing. In fact! i liked him more than i did in the book, and i think it was a great choice to make him more human. I'm not sure if this was Ben or the writing, but i could really see his yearning for an equal, for Alina, his loneliness and his thirst for power and control too. Great love interest, even greater villain. And his wardrobe was phenomenal. I also really liked how they implied that The Darkling was a name given by other people, it was very believable that people would call someone who literally controls shade something akin to "son of the dark" or something of the sort, instead of it being a name he gives himself or his job title (both if which are incredibly pathetic and cringy to think about).

Jesper

No comments. He was just great. I love Kit.

Nina

Omg Danielle did SUCH a great job at portraying Nina, it's exactly how i imagined her in Six of Crows.

Helnik

THE. YEARNING. THE. CHEMISTRY. I didn't love their scenes at the boat but once that was over I was practically screaming at the screen to jUST KISS ALREADY. Calahan and Daniell have such good chemistry together and the few changes they made only served the story better. I did wish they had development over more time cause Matthias' change of mind felt too quick, but i get why they had to rush. Because of how good their chemistry was, their fallout also was incredibly painful.

Inej's fear of the Menagerie and her morals

Amita's portrayal of Inej's hurt, devotion and her refusal to kill (and later hurt cause she has killed) is incredibly subtle but so SO effective. She's so talented really and truly sold Inej's feelings throughout the show.

VFX

Man.....the fold, the volcra, the grisha powers.....kudos to the animators and overall artistic team cause they were incredible. Also seeing the different title animations in each episode was such a tiny detail that made me so excited and they all looked so good.

Ketterdam

Again, kudos to the artistic team, everything about Ketterdam felt so alive (and weirdly moist), truly sold a kind of aesthetic and life that is so characteristic if the Barrel, even when i didn't imagine it that way in the books.

David

He appeared like, twice, and both times were so cute and charming I can't wait to see more of him both on his own and with Genya.

The Wardrobe

So, at first i hated the keftas. I thought the looked tacky and costume, but when you see them on screen they're just perfect (although i have to say the patterns on some of the keftas were kind of...cheap looking? and the training keftas were just kinda boring. My favourite was the Darkling's. Aside from that, i really liked Kaz's and inej's clothes too. Very distinctive and recognizable (although it was kind of weird seeing Inej in teal instead of purple lmao).

And the queen's dresses. Chefs kiss.

It's...so cheesy (affectionate)

The whole show felt like the kind of movies I would watch as a kid like Harry Potter and Pirates of the Caribbean. The writing was stylized enough to make it incredibly dramatic and overall there was just so much heart behind all of it. Definetely a show to watch again and again and feel all of it, cause that's what it being so cheesy managed, to make me actually feel for it. It feels like something to watch on a rainy afternoon after a bad day....it's great okay i really enjoyed it, even (specially) the most unbelievable parts of it. And here's the thing, it's something that i think a lot of newer tv and film have lost, so this is good.

What i didn't like

Zoya

Mostly cause of the writing. Originally, in the first book, i didn't like her, neither as a character (stereotypical mean girl with no other motivation than to bang the love interests....all three of them....what's new i still think it's an incredibly sexist trope) or a person (hey at least this was intentional), but over time i grew to LOVE her (mean girl turns out to have a good heart and actually respects the mc and decides to fight alongside her cause it's what's right, without necessarily liking her or giving up her character??? AND she has strong motivations??? now THAT'S new). In the show, i hoped they would keep her mean girl nature while foreshadowing her depth, but all they did was turn her into a petty seductress with barely any screentime, and that only makes her not even a bad antagonist but just a boring character to watch. Not only that but they took away a big part of her character that needed to be developed in the next books. I wanted to watch her rivalry with Alina, her unjustified venomous tongue too, I wanted to be entertained by her and I wasn't. This was also a problem cause when she finally changed teams, and when she hugged Alina, it was incredibly unsatisfying, it would have had a way stronger effect if we had seen her being Ruthless Zoya with a big ambition. I also didn't like how we were told that she didn't like alina, or that she had a family, instead of it being shown on screen. Just from the show, all i can tell you about her is that she likes to bang people and she has a good moral code i guess. Yall, I'm so petty about this.

Kaz

So, I didn't hate him, in fact i think I would have enjoyed him if I hadn't read the books first, cause the two things that bother me about him were two essential characteristics of him in the books. FIrstly, he seems so strained, instead of the seemingly laid back, almost chill looking (even though we know he's not chill at all) Kaz we see in the books, the Kaz that always knows something that you don't. Show Kaz doesn't seem to always be in control, to always have the last word, the last laugh. Instead he seems strained, all the damn time. And I think this is mainly a writing and directing issue. And he also seems weak, something Book Kaz would never do. This is also an issue cause because he doesn't have the same presence he has in the books, the times where he is weak, don't seem as effective. Sure, Pekka Rollins has essentially reduced him and humiliated him, but I haven't seen enough of Kaz being actually dangerous for this to be shocking and for Pekka to seem even more hateable (and, i really liked Pekka, loved him as an antagonist more than i did in the books). Idk, Kaz was so charismatic and just fun and engaging to read in the books that his portrayal in the show felt lacking.

Alina's power's VFX

The little suns were cute and all but the light coming from within her was just ugly I'm sorry.

SFX

A lot of the sound design was just too stylized for the tone of the show i think. I particularly remember the sound of Mal's punches....what's that about.

What i think could have been better, but didn't particularly dislike

The Crows' storyline

And i think part of this is a consequence of Kaz not being as witty as he was in the books. Where's the incredibly complicated heist moves? the even more unbelievable C and D plans when something goes wrong? I didn't like that them getting Alina was essentially just luck, cause i didn't see enough of them being smart and quick on their feet. I also think it was unnecessary to have their storyline mixed with Alina's, i would have enjoyed watching a different heist, maybe in Ravka as well, and them incidentally crossing paths with Alina, more than i liked this storyline. ironically enough, the heist was the part i was least interested in

Genya and Alina

I just feel like her relationship with Alina wasn't strong enough, and i think it's because the show tried to make us believe they were much closer than they were without spending the necessary time in them.

Overall, I really really enjoyed the show, i will be watching it again (particularly cause i want to watch it in English) and i cannot wait for the second season omg (although i have to say, I'm scared for Nikolai)

I think that's all! I would also love to read yall's opinions and have a conversation.

#Shadow and Bone #Shadow and Bone spoilers #sab #sab spoilers #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy #six of crows #malina #helnik #shadow and bone series #sab review

18 notes · View notes

blue-heronstairs10 · 3 years

Text

R&R quotes I tabbed

*RUIN AND RISING SPOILERS*

key:

{…} = thoughts in book

(…) = my commentary

*…* = action

emojis = expressions

[…] = my subtitles

italics = it’s italisized in the books

-…- = not actually said in book

——————————————————————————————————

Apparat: he should not address you so.

Alina: why not?

Apparat: it was the Darkling’s title and is unfitting for a Saint.

Alina: then what should he call me?

Apparat: he should not address you directly at all.

Alina: next time he has something to say, I’ll have him write me a letter.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: are you ever going to name that thing?

Harshaw: she has a name.

Zoya: Oncat is not a name. it’s just Kaelish for cat.

Harshaw: suits her doesn’t it?

——————————————————————————————————

{David and Genya kept falling behind, but he seemed to be the one responsible for the lag. finally, Toyla hefted the huge pack from David’s narrow shoulders.}

Toyla: what do you have in this thing?

David: three pairs of socks, one pair of trousers, an extra shirt. one canteen. a tin cup and plate. a cylindrical slide rule, a chondrometer, a jar or spruce sap, my collection of anticorrosives,-

Toyla: you were only supposed to pack what you need.

David: *nods emphatically* exactly.

Alina: please tell me you didn’t bring all of Morozova’s journals.

David: of course I did.

Alina: maybe they’ll make good kindling.

David: is she kidding? *concerned look* I can never tell if she’s kidding.

Alina: {I was. mostly.}

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: David is oblivious. he’s been babbling about mineral compounds for the last hour.

Zoya: maybe he and Toyla will just put each other to sleep.

——————————————————————————————————

Harshaw: *cuts the sides of his scalp so there’s only hair in a single stripe down the center of his head*

Zoya: *shrieking* what did you do? you look like a deranged rooster!

Harshaw: Oncat insisted.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: everyone okay?

Genya: never better.

David: *raises his hand* I’ve been better.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: I am becoming a blade.

——————————————————————————————————

Ekaterina: I saw the prince when I was in Os Alta. he’s not bad looking.

Nikolai: *in the trees* not bad looking? he’s damnably handsome.

Nikolai: *still in the trees* brave in battle, smart as a whip. an excellent dancer. oh, and an even better shot.

Nikolai: *shoots Luchenko between the eyes*

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: first vomit, then tears. don’t tell me I’ve lost my touch.

Alina: I’m just happy you’re alive. though I’m sure you can talk me out of it.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: thank goodness we had the foresight to be captured.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: Saints, Alina. I hope you weren’t looking at me to be the voice of reason. I keep a strict diet of ill-advised enthusiasm and heartfelt regret.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: we’re heading into Fjerda.

Alina: oh good. enemy territory. and here I was starting to relax.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: it’s good to see you, Oretsev.

Mal: you too. thanks for the rescue.

Nikolai: everyone needs a hobby.

Mal: I thought yours was preening.

Nikolai: two hobbies.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: Baghra, how are you this evening?

Baghra: still old and blind.

Nikolai: and charming. never forget charming.

Baghra: whelp.

Nikolai: hag.

Baghra: what do you want, pest?

Nikolai: I’ve brought someone to visit.

Alina: hello, Baghra.

Baghra: the little Saint. returned to save us all.

Nikolai: well she did almost die trying to rid us of your cursed spawn.

Baghra: couldn’t even manage martyrdom right, could you? come in and shut the door, girl. you’re letting the heat out.

Baghra: *turns to Nikolai* and you. go somewhere you’re wanted.

Nikolai: that’s hardly limiting. Alina, I’ll be back to fetch you for dinner, but should you grow restless, do feel free to run screaming from the room or take a dagger to her. whatever seems most fitting at the time.

Baghra: are you still here?

Nikolai: I go but hope to remain in your heart.

Baghra: wretched boy.

Alina: you like him. *disbelief*

Baghra: greedy. arrogant. takes too many risks.

Alina: you almost sound concerned.

Baghra: you like him too, little Saint.

Alina: I do. he’s been kind to me when he might have been cruel. it’s refreshing.

Baghra: he laughs too much.

Alina: there are worse traits.

Baghra: like arguing with your elders? *turns to Misha* boy, go fetch me something sweet.

(I’m sorry it’s so long it’s just,,, they’re so iconic and cute)

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: how does Nikolai know you’re the Darkling’s mother?

Baghra: he asked. he’s more observant than the rest of you fools.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: I don’t reserve my friendship for perfect people. and, thank the Saints, neither does Alina.

(did mans just insult himself ?? 💀)

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: *talking about how David didn’t look at her before*

David: I know metal.

Genya: what does that have to do with anything?

David: I...I don’t understand half of what goes on around me. I don’t get jokes or sunsets or poetry, but I know metal. beauty was your armor. fragile stuff, all show. but what’s inside you? that’s steel. it’s brave and unbreakable. and it doesn’t need fixing. *kisses Genya*

Genya: 👁👄👁

Genya: *kisses David back empathcially*

David: *kiss ends* *😳😊*

Genya: *☺️😄*

(they’re the sweetest S&B couple don’t @ me)

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: you can introduce him to Ana Kuya.

Alina: I already unleashed Baghra on Nikolai. he’s going to think I stockpile vicious old women.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: but I guess I’m the same selfish ass I’ve always been. for all my talk of vows and honor, what I really want to do is put you up against that wall and kiss you until you forget you ever knew another man’s name. so tell me to go, Alina. because I can’t give you a title or an army or any of the things you need.

Alina: goodnight, Mal.

(😳✋🏼)

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: *hits the side of a mountain with the Cut*

Everyone besides Baghra: *claps and whoops*

Baghra: hmph. they’d clap for a dancing monkey.

Nikolai: all depends on the monkey. and the dance.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: does Morozova strike anyone as a little…eccentric?

Alina: if my eccentric you mean insane, then yes. I’m hoping he can be crazy and right.

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Nikolai is growing on me. he’s nothing like his father. and the man can dress.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: if you’re going to jump, at least give me time to compose a ballad in your honor. something with lots of sad fiddle and a verse devoted to your love of herring.

Alina: if I wait, I may have to hear you sing it.

Nikolai: I happen to have a more than passable baritone. and what’s the rush? is it my cologne?

Alina: you don’t wear cologne.

Nikolai: I have such a naturally delightful scent that it seems like overkill. but if you have a penchant for it, I’ll start.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: toss him over. break his heart cruelly. I will gladly give our poor prince comfort, and I would make a magnificent queen.

Alina: you actually might, Zoya. if you could stop being horrible for a minute.

Zoya: with that kind of incentive, I can manage a minute. possibly two.

——————————————————————————————————

{they wanted a Grisha Queen. Mal wanted a commoner Queen. and what did I want? peace for Ravka. a chance to sleep easy in my bed without fear. an end to the guilt and dread that I woke to every morning. there were old wants too, to be loved for who I was, not what I could do, to lie in a meadow with a boy’s arms around me and watch the wind move the clouds. but those dreams belonged to a girl, not to the Sun Summoner, not to a Saint.}

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: the day I curtsy to you is the day David performs an opera naked in the middle of the Shadow Fold.

——————————————————————————————————

Baghra: I am Morozova’s Daughter, and the Darkling is the last of Morozova’s line.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: or a Ravkan heiress or a Grisha like Zoya.

Nikolai: Zoya? I make it a policy never to seduce anyone prettier than I am.

——————————————————————————————————

Nikolai: I love it when you quote me.

——————————————————————————————————

Genya: you’re the prettiest walrus I know.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: turned out I needed a good cry.

Zoya: next time, invite me. I could use one too.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: do you know what Baghra told me at my first lesson with her? pretty face. too bad you have porridge for brains.

Harshaw: I sent fire to her hut in class.

Zoya: of course you did.

Harshaw: accidentally! she refused to ever teach me again. wouldn’t even speak to me. I saw her on the grounds once, and she walked right by. didn’t say a word, just whacked me on the knee with her stick. I still have a lump.

Nadia: that’s nothing. I had some kind of block where I couldn’t summon for a while. she put me in a room and released a hive of bees in it.

——————————————————————————————————

Mal: same way Ana Kuhn got me to stop begging her to keep a lantern lit at night.

Alina: really?

Mal: yes. told me I had to be brave for you, that if I was scared, you’d be scared.

Alina: well she told me I had to eat my parsnips to set a good example for you, but I still refused to do it.

Mal: and you wonder why you were always getting the switch.

Alina: I have principles.

Mal: that means, ‘if I can be difficult, I will.’

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: if you’re not up here before I count it ten, I’m going back to sleep and you can carry me to Dva Stolba.

Alina: Mal, if I murder her in the Sikurzoi, will you hold me accountable?

Mal: yes.

Mal: that means, ‘‘let’s make it look like an accident.’

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: *being mad and realistic then apologizing*

Zoya: maybe you’re hungry. I always get mean when I’m hungry.

Harshaw: are you hungry all the time?

Zoya: you haven’t seen me mean. when you do, you’ll require a very big hanky.

Harshaw: to dry my tears.

Zoya: to stanch the bleeding.

————————————————————————————————��—

Toyla: he watches her the way Harshaw watches fire. like he’ll never have enough of her. like he’s trying to capture what he can before she’s gone.

Zoya and Alina: 👁👄👁💓

Zoya: you know, if you turned a bit of that poetry on me, I might consider giving you a chance.

Toyla: who says I want one?

Harshaw: I want one!

Zoya: Oncat has a better chance than you.

Harshaw: *holds up Oncat* why, Oncat, you rogue.

——————————————————————————————————

Zoya: you really didn’t think they were ghosts, did you?

everyone: 😬

Zoya: I am surrounded by fools.

——————————————————————————————————

Harshaw: Oncat objects to the landscaping.

——————————————————————————————————

Alina: Mal is the third amplifier.

——————————————————————————————————

[TW: hanging]

{the oak I’d once climbed on a dare still stood, untouched by the fire that had taken Keramzin. now it’s branches were full of bodies. the three Grisha instructors hung from the same thick limb, their kefta fluttering slightly in the wind- purple, red and blue. beside them, Botkin’s face was nearly black above the rope that had dug into his neck. he was covered in wounds. he’d died fighting before they’d strung him up. next to him, Ana Kuya swayed in her black dress, her heavy rings at her waist, the toes of her button boots nearly scraping the ground.}

Darkling: she was, I think, the closest thing you had to a mother.

——————————————————————————————————

(unfinished)

28 notes · View notes

rist-ix · 3 years

Text

Shadow and bone afterthoughts, spoilers for show and books beneath the cut

Ok, first some rambling. I felt a bit disappointed directly after watching the show, with how prettied up Malina was and how underdeveloped Darklina felt, but after rewatching, I really don’t know where I got that feeling from. If anything, it’s the other way round, but all in all I feel pretty good about the show.

I never liked Mal in the books, but show!mal? A sweetheart. Ride or die for Alina. The mutual yearning had me awwing a lot, Archie’s performance is wonderful. I hope he lets his locks grow out next season, he really deserves fancier hair.

I’m still not invested in Malina, but I know I’ll feel much better about their endgame in the show than their ending in the books. I get what the stans see in them. The show is obviously saving some of their more important moments for the next seasons, but more on that later.

Darklina too is very different from the books, and at first I felt a little underwhelmed. It goes hard fast, with less build up than expected, but their intensity is spot on and I love this new version of them. Book!Darkling is more aloof and composed, and whenever Alina makes him lose that composure, he is angry about it. Show!Darkling though? Loves her and has no regrets about it. Cries every time Alina looks at him. So happy to have her. A jealous bitch, and valid. Gets his girl flowers and steals dating advice from his rival.

Ben Barnes is an artist, when he improvised that second kiss in the war room?! I died.

Alina herself takes more action in both relationships than her book counterpart, which I love. She’s DETERMINED, whether it’s about following Mal into the fold or snogging her dark prince. Her soft, tender looks are to die for, I get why Kirigan tears up every time. And, ahem. That look she gave him during her performance at the fete? Hot.

Points I didn’t quite like:

They made Malina a little too ideal, in my opinion. I feel like there’s too little room for development, especially if the next season keeps the course of the second book. I like that they took away some of Mal’s worst moments, like his jealous little fit at the fete and all that, but they glossed over most of his other flaws too. His wariness of the Grisha is dropped pretty quickly, and most of his character now revolves around Alina. They took away the parts where Mal is more promiscuous, and oblivious of Alina, which makes his “but I see you now” line feel undeserved. His tryst with Zoya was given to Kirigan instead, and his popularity and charisma compared to Alina’s mousiness fell a little flat. They’re taking away a lot of possible conflict material, which makes me scared they’ll go stale and stagnant too soon. He also didn’t have any emotional arcs of his own, his side plot is pretty boring save for the final moments. I do like how they are setting up his heritage and skills already, though, and there’s still time for development in the next season.

It’s been a while since I read the book, but I do think Alina and the Darkling communicated more about amplifiers and the stag, back then. The hunt for it was a mutually wanted thing, not something the darkling did behind her back. I liked Alina’s ambition, I don’t want the show to make her all pure and humble. The drama about it felt too sudden and random, but that’s just my personal opinion.

I felt bad about the Darkling’s changes at first, mostly because it seemed the show wanted to nerf Darklina before it got too powerful. Alina’s parents falling to the fold instead of the Tsar’s constant wars screams unnecessary, his lack of the Darkling title and openness with his name disappointed me a little. Then again, this darkling is less of a cold commander and more of a respected leader here; I like how he interacts with his Grisha. It really hammers home how much he cares about them, his interaction with David made me crack up.

The name reveal was too little, too soon, but it’s consistent with Kirigan’s “openness” and I’ll get over it. I talked about the amplifier thing here, so I’m not gonna go into more detail again.

Something makes me wonder though, and it’s his dialed down evilness. The Darkling in the books was cruel and impersonal in battle, and Novokribirsk demonstrated that perfectly. Which is fine! I like the darkling villainous too, but that’s not what we see here.

In the show, Kirigan doesn’t... do all that much evil stuff, actually. He keeps the hunt for the stag from Alina, I guess? I would have liked more emphasis on his exact plans there.

He reads and keeps her letters too, but that’s petty manipulation and not grand-scale evilness. His great sin, the fold, was an accident and later a safeguard for his kind, and his attack on Novokribirsk felt kinda justified in the shows context.

Book Novokribirsk was a starving village full of innocent civilians, and its destruction was a calculated sacrifice to the darkling. I felt bad for their deaths.

In the show, however, it’s an industrialized city and military headquarters of an enemy who tried to kill Alina, and would have tried again if the skiff had docked as planned. That’s just not as tragic, it doesn’t garner as much sympathy.

It’s destruction isn’t just for show and effect, it’s not a needlessly cruel “sacrifice”.

It’s an act of war against a scheming general and his forces. The innocent rest of the city perished too, sure, but the only real connotation the audience has with that city is general Zlatan and his supporters. That waters down the evil-level of it, from a narrative perspective.

The antler thing looks... uncomfortable, but Alina got rid of that pretty soon so there’s not even the lasting reminder of the book!collar. Alina takes Kirigan’s hand and stands up to receive it, giving her a bit more agency too. (Probably wouldn’t have mattered if she had refused, but that’s not what the audience gets to see)

Kirigan doesn’t plan to execute Mal or to make Alina watch; another one of the Darkling’s villain moments. He’s pretty soft actually, compared to his book version.

Which gives me both hope and apprehension.

Either they’re doing that on purpose, in order to divert from the books, which seems unlikely but not impossible. Maybe they’re planning to let him live at the end of the third season, he gets revived in later books anyway.

Or his downward spiral has only just begun, and they’re saving the big things for later.

I hope they decide early on whether to keep the darkling redeemable, by mainstream standards, or to go all out with his evilness, because I don’t want a middle path. If he’s a better man than in the books and still dies, I can’t handle it. If his death is still what they are aiming at, I have to feel like he deserved it and there was no other way.

No more “redemption in death” scenarios please. Either embrace the villainy or give him a happy ending, just be decisive.

My heart can’t handle more tragedy, I’m a crybaby.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone spoilers #darklina #grishaverse

13 notes · View notes

lover-of-trash-and-people · 3 years

Text

im angrier this time? netflix shadow and bone s1e7 re-watch (substituting alcohol with iced coffee this time) (oh, also, spoilers)

yes jesper shooting ketterdam cards title card omg I straight up forgot that this was the darkling backstory episode we all know I love bin bons as much as the next person but um can we petition to never see the flashback darkling look again I kind of love Luda but I find the entire backstory kind of unnecessary even though I get why they did it okay mr. barnes king of micro-expressions alright fuck you show makers with you breaking my heart showing me how the Grisha have had to go through this countless times that they have their plans memorized oy dumbass otkazat'sya man you speak the darkling's name with some respect alright I've got to accept the tricck they use against the king's men is pretty cool omg you fucking bitch this is exactly why people say acab I've seen people say why couldn't he have broken his bonds and killed them before they killed Luda and I truly believe a) he didn't want to kill unnecessarily and b) Luda's life was at stake so like I get it okay so I don't like the 'just mortal' thing they brought it to sort of drive darklina soulmates agenda home because lmao that is not why okay I get Baghra's points but I don't like her, she like made more sense in the books her position on merzost is true to the books but like her pacifist stance is not the same and it just doesn't make sense okay I like the poc tidemaker in their company the score when the king's men soon to be volcra confront the darkling is impeccable that blast of darkness that we see spread outwards from him was very cool dunno how I feel about him hyperventilating and the fold flowing from him like an inky black liquid god, the score when baghra asks alek 'what did you do' is so eerie and beautiful that transition was on fucking point HOW IS KANEJ IS SO ON POINT I SIMPLY CANNOT the Inej Jesper bond is so beautiful I love it okay I love and hate how they refer to Inej's horrible time at the Menagerie so briefly and yet try to add so much impact to it omg why is Jesper about to make me cry cut to Malina huddled together? okay, show god I hate how the amplifier storyline is so incredibly poorly developed the stag is so beautiful I can't 'maybe there's another way to do this'?! again with the sgegehshshsjsjs I hate it here, fucking explain it at least okay fine the shot of Alina lighting up as she touches the stag and smiling with the soft violin in the back was beautiful now time to say bye to the stag and cry I guess okay I love zoya, she feels very authentic to book 1 zoya with maybe a few tweaks we love to see a man with plot armour uwu okay Alina my fucking queen taking out the arrow would cause him to bleed out faster why would you do that the dumbassery okay alek you overdramatic bitch I LOVED THE LIGHT SHIELD lmao I'm gonna cry at how nasal and supervillain-y the Darkling sounds when he says 'you can't save them all Alina' like okay king maybe that line could have better delivery I'm so sorry I love you so much I'm still a BB stan 'you've lost too much blood' maybe if you wouldn't have taken the arrow out you dumbass 'you said you wouldn't hurt him' nobody said that Alina but I get it you've been through a lot you're obviously not thinking love the cut, she's always cool 'miss starkov' you're in tsarist russia stfu ono I'm not prepared for this Kanej scene I need several minutes they're so perfect 'Jesper fixed your cane' I see you writers thinking they're clever omg Amita shivering from the cold babe I'm so proud of you you're so incredibly cool I love his little jaw movements before he says 'you were right' and her composing herself before turning around due to the shock of hearing these words from Kaz's mouth okay we've all talked about the voice break when he says 'she's real' so I will not dwell on it but it was beautiful the little head bend after he says 'and you' as if catching himself before saying 'and jesper' yes sir that was very convincing AAAAAHHHH IT'S HAPPENING I CAN'T COPE yeah okay fuck you I'm crying Kaz's expression at 'I can't go back to the Menagerie' being literally 'I can't believe

you think I'll ever let that happen' you fucking idiots I hate you and how much you love each other you are disgusting David so much so as breathes I love him Him saying 'Im going to place this around your neck' comedic genius David looks so sad my baby angel it's not your fault get that man's true name out of your mouth Starkov you're not supposed to know it let alone say it in front of other people aleksander this is the first time I've truly disliked you, you fucking asshole, Alina my love please don't believe him (why am I saying it like I haven't read the books and watched this already) LUKE HAVING ACTUAL TEARS IN HIS EYES AS HE PLACES THE ANTLERS AT HER NECK WHY IS HE SO GOOD AAAAAAAAA I didn't notice Ivan slowing her heart on my first watch, is that to reduce the pain ouch I am even more sad now okay Jessie you did it again Emmy time for all of these people okay the violin being sad and terrifying this is so good Luke being sad, Jessie literally crying I fucking can't do this anymore 'this is my power' 'but now I control it' really? that was the best you could do at this scene that is meant to have this great of an impact? him sort of pushing her down made me even more upset I'm so mad right now Freddie's microexpression with the eye when Inej says 'Jes has a point' Jessie looks so perfectly shell-shocked, I love them so so much the prosthetic's so gross, I love it so much DAISY HEAD IS THE PERFECT GENYA I WILL ACCEPT NO COMPLAINTS She brought me to tears and I love it Alina pointing out the Darkling's role in Genya's circumstances this early on, we love to see a well deserved call out it seemed very unlikely to me that Kaz would agree to go home empty handed but I do think it would make sense to cut their losses at a certain point I love the Kribirsk camp sets far too much, they seem to have literally leapt out of the books the darkling coming to see Mal seems very fanservice-ey and not at all adding to the plot in any way but I love it Archie bringing that youthful brashness to Mal that we all know he would have is wonderful mal calling the darkling 'shadow man' lmao I'm gonna cry 'you are a child' yeah Alek babe it's best you don't talk about that Alina is of the same age as he is I wanna go to Ben Barnes' school of nose acting because god damn Archie perfectly bringing to life Mal's realisation of the impact that Alina's immortality will bring to their life together oof sir you don't understand how perfect it is that Ben's eyes are actually that dark 'you'll wish you killed me here' it's okay honey you lost this one the Crows being the Crows I love them can we please have Jesper wearing the Zemeni man's red suit be a stepping stone to him wearing fancy clothes of outrageous colours like lime green and orange in the six of crows timeline because the fans will lose their shit and you know it Inej looking fucking fabulous in her suit I can't Kanej smiling at their crazy little bi son's antics okay can we talk about Milo literally saving the day because writer's room im looking at you you're a bunch of crazy mfers and I love you but I also hate you also I get that Mal's a tracker but would he actually have food in his pocket I know this joke has been made before but like Mal pretending to be asleep after waking the guard up is every teenager pretending to be asleep when their parents come to check on them in the middle of the night omg it's the scene those beautiful gauzy curtains at the door of the tent, I want them so bad 'you are special' he says standing stiffly at the door with a creepy inflection why am I suddenly an anti wtf I want his kefta so bad though 'my parents' I love that the show added her losing her parents to him as well because well it makes him even more villanous in her eyes doesn't it no matter what she might have felt for him uwu first fight as a couple (I'm kidding please stop) I love Jessie as Alina so much darkles don't even go off comparing being Grisha to being half-shu you can't compare experiences of being the other that interchangeably yes baby call him out on his

hypocrisy man I'm so conflicted like I understand his motivations and his story so well but like how is this helping okay but Alina's expression changing ever so slightly at him saying 'you and me' stop breaking my fucking heart assholes why is Jessie breaking my heart more on this watch than Ben did on the first one I knew it before he said it but I still gasped when he did on my first watch the little head tilt after he says it still with tears in his fucking eyes man I love this show this was the most devastating break up I have ever experienced and I will not accept any counter arguments okay actual villain time we love to see it sir please don't erotically remove her cloak you have long lost the right again I knew it before they said it but them saying it had me screaming WHAT A GLORIOUS EPISODE

12 notes · View notes

kallypsowrites · 3 years

Text

Ruin and Rising Chapter 10

Hey y’all. How’s everyone doing after that trailer? Personally, I am deceased and writing to you as a ghost. But I must complete my liveblogs so, here we go.

There are a few highlights from this chapter: Baghra backstory and Nikolai x Alina stuff. I’ll start with the Nikolai x Alina stuff even though it comes later cause I’ve got one bone to pick with the Baghra backstory (or at least Alina’s reaction to it).

Nikolai and Alina is cute. I love him immediately hearing about the Darkling connection and strategizing. That was great. But then also his conversation with Alina watching the meteor shower (romantic). I know she doesn’t feel the same flash of feelings for him as she does for the Darkling or for Mal. But there is a genuine friendship and affection between them. They talk very easily. They could be happy together. Maybe I’m just a sucker for the political marriage grows into something more trope.

Then the almost kiss with the “when you’re ready” attached to it. CONSENT! Sexiest thing a man can do. And what character growth. I love Nikolai very much.

Loved getting backstory about Baghra and her being the daughter of Morozova. Brutal that she just...murdered her sister with shadows and then her father brought her back to life and they were drowned (but maybe not).

And then there’s the bits of young Aleksander we get.

“I’ll tell you a story--one I used to tell a little boy with dark hair, a silent boy who rarely laughed, who listened more closely than I realized. A boy who had a name and not a title.”

Bby Darkling!!! A child!!

Seriously, the explanation of Baghra teaching him to embrace his powers and that he had no equal makes a lot of sense given her background. She wanted him to have what she didn’t and then it all very much went to his head. That and all the years he’s been alive. She had good intentions wanting him to harden his heart because of experience but that had its own pit falls.

Now, can we talk about the CONCLUSIONS that Alina jumps to? She leaves the story with Baghra...and this is her thought process--what if her sister didn’t die and DID have powers and THOSE powers were LIGHT powers instead of SHADOW powers but she hadn’t SHOWN them yet but she did show them LATER and then SHE had children and that eventually led to ME, several generations beyond???

First of all. That’s a slippery slope if I’ve ever seen one, and nothing in Baghra’s story really hints at that. And Second of all, the conclusion she takes away from it? Like ‘could the Darkling and I be COUSINS????’

And the answer is no. You couldn’t be. Because like...ten generations have passed. Ten generations of more genetic material getting mixed in. You’re like...seventh cousins five times removed at worst. That’s really not a problem.

It feels like Leigh is just trying to add onto the ‘reasons not to date the Darkling’ pile and I’m like......You don’t need to do that. he’s done plenty of other things to make Alina hesitate to date him. Like the murder and torture. Hell, even the age gap. We don’t need to add in an incest scare. Especially when its not even a real incest scare (we know this is a red herring for a later reveal). Besides, I just came off the Game of Thrones fandom so if you thought this was going to squick me out, you are sorely mistaken.

I also have more of a...genre bone to pick with this book. And I say genre bone because Leigh is not the only one in a fantasy series who has done this so I’m not just calling her out here. But it’s the ‘villain is a leader of an oppressed group who was trying to make a space for said oppressed group trope’.

Baghra confirms (as does the short story from the Darkling’s POV) that his goal was to make a space for Grisha who were deeply persecuted at the time--murdered for gifts they were born with and could not control. And then eventually his power hunger took over and he ‘wanted too much’ and his ‘methods are bad’.

That’s the theme with a lot of novels like this. Like, yes, the oppressed group is trying to get rights. But like...too many rights. Look at their methods. Their methods are bad. Their leader is eeeevil.

This creates a sort of mixed message in the narrative. One) it lends credence to the people who are oppressing them. Like yeah, the other countries murder them/perform horrible experiments on them/drink their blood, but the Grisha are kinda scary too you guys. Look at their leader!!

It’s not that one can’t investigate the moral grey areas of this trope. I think there are a lot of X men stories for instance that do a really good job with Magneto and not just casting him off as an irredeemable villain (some do not but it depends on the writer). But this book seems to mostly lean on the Darkling being irredeemable, so I can’t say the same for him.

I think there was a lot more potential to dive into this. To the Darkling’s motives and goals. To the importance of his cause even if his methods sometimes cross the line. But I don’t think that’s dissected enough (nor is the plight of the Grisha dissected enough) so it kind of leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

It’s not made any better by the insistence that too much power makes Grisha baaaad. The idea that if Alina has all the amplifiers, she will turn power hungry and evil, not because of a choice but because that’s just what power does to Grisha I guess. What if her non-grisha companions have REASON to fear her???

Anyway, I don’t want to go two deep on this YA book. But it’s just a genre problem I see in which they want to make an oppressed group but then make the leader of the oppressed group just straight up evil. I think that trope can do with a lot of reworking.

See you guys in the next chapter!

#r&r liveblog #ruin and rising #shadow and bone #the grishaverse

15 notes · View notes

ladymelisande · 3 years

Note

Alina as a snowflake teenager 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so accurate,even on the show(at least,they didn't make her kill a lot of people in the Fold like in the books,lol). She and Mal are better there,but they act too much like siblings,lol. And this whole "I've shown the stag mercy,and it obeyed me even after it was killed" was such BS. I've never seen why killing the magical stag was different from,I don't know, making wild animals as barbecue. But there's a huge positive point on the show:Inej had tried to kill Kirigan with a knife,and it wasn't much worse than when I have some kitchen accident. At least, that's my opinion, because I found the way The Darkling was killed at the end of Ruin and Rising (Alina had just lost her powers,and stabbed him with Grisha steel(WTF was that,even). I mean, wouldn't stabbing be one of the first ways one tries to kill another one?) was pure BS(why do people say it's beautiful and poetic,I rolled my eyes hard 😒). Besides,Alina supposedly was a physically weak person who focused on being knowledgeable and cerebral,but I didn't see much of it. Wasted potential of character and actress (Jessie is incredible).

Despite the SNAFUs,I really liked the show, especially because it fixed a few issues(although not enough,like the dumb naming and Russian butchering),the Crows were amazing (not to mention their ages were more convincing) and Kirigan was amazing. On the other hand,I didn't like the actresses for Genya and Zoya. For the latter,I didn't like the idea of making her Suli,but the show was a blank slate about it,so why not putting some worldbuilding about the place Kirigan destroyed (it would've been so easy for Zoya to comment about the beautiful festivals,for example),or any custom/mannerism/whatever. And they were kind of plain Janes,a far cry from the beauties they were in the books.

One of the things I hope for this show(if it gets other seasons) is that Nikolai doesn't show up,I never liked his character much in the books. Besides,the writers and showrunners had their golden chance of having Nikolai,and that's with him being General Zlatan,IMO. Him being a Royal would've been a nice touch,and everything about Zlatan Nikolai would've been primed for him to be something more than a bland pretty boy Gary Stu(many badass normals are like that to me)/bargain bin Darkling,and it could've been a great way to keep him as a patriot.

In the show,Alina confronted Genya about her shady actions, and she said she was a soldier of Kirigan's. That's another reason for why having her as a genuine partner of Kirigan's (I find this so much better sounding than Darkling,why did they keep using his title on the show, instead of Shadow Summoner/Shadow Demon?),like you suggested,was way better than her being one of his victims. But thankfully,they gave Kirigan true believers and followers. I just wish they don't nuke his decent characterisation,if there's a second season (or worse,do it like in the books,butcher the Black General and bring bland ass Nikolai to fill the quota).

I have no comments on the actresses' appearances, for me they did well. I didn’t like Genya’s wig though; it was obvious that it was a wig. Sadly, I guess, she is gonna be his partner, Bardugo being there she doesn’t want any of her “pure” good women close to him. He is gonna do the over the top thing of scarring her with those creatures and Genya will be back in the Good Side of Alina Who Does Jack Shit to Help the Grisha but Whatever.

I never consider a heroine killing her lover/a potential lover poetic, unless it’s something with immortals that go back to life again and have entire years to forgive each other.

Yes, the stag plot point is stupid, just like the collaring plot point being called slavery is stupid.

The thing is that while the show has Aleksander and the crows characters; they don’t need to put effort into making Alina and Mal better. They are just gonna be the Passive Orphans in their boring “love” story while the other characters carry the weight of the plot.

I neither want Nikolai to be honest, he is just another necessary character to moon on Alina and his quest to be King doesn’t really matter because Zoya becomes Queen later.

9 notes · View notes

alirhi · 3 years

Text

chapter 7

Title: Toy Soldiers Chapter: 7/? Fandom: MCU Rating: 18+ Focus: James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes Summary: Wounded and delirious but grateful (and shocked) to be alive after his fall from the train, Bucky thinks he's been rescued when he's pulled from the snow. It doesn't take long for him to realize he would have been better off dead. WARNINGS: Language, references to (and possibly graphic depictions of; we'll see how it goes) torture, brainwashing, violence, rape Notes: this one's kind of short, but I didn't want to stretch it and make it crap lol

“This is so uncomfortable.”

“You want me to do it?”

“...You want to?” When he shrugged, she handed him the cup and backed off, not even glancing in the Asset's direction. “I guess 'handler' has more meanings to it than I thought.”

He rolled his eyes, moving closer to their silent audience and wrapping his hand around him. The Asset's eyes slid closed for a moment, an involuntary shudder running through his body as he pushed his hips forward slightly, trying to get closer to the warmth. “Just watch his face. If he starts to show any sort of awareness, tell me so I can get the hell out of the way.”

Looking alarmed, the assistant demanded, “Out of the way of what?”

“He's programmed to kill, not to breed.”

“I thought he was programmed to obey.”

“Still working out the kinks there. He's obedient to a point, but the longer he's out of cryo, the more he resists. He killed his last two handlers.”

“That's... terrifying.” Wide gray eyes locked on the Asset's blank face, she took a step back. He watched her, confused. She seemed afraid, but why? He hadn't done anything. “Why the hell would you take this job, knowing that?”

“You think they told me beforehand? Besides, you know how it works around here – we get the job we're assigned.”

“...Okay, good point.”

“Ugh. This is taking forever.” His handler smirked and called out over his shoulder, “Hey, Alina... Open your shirt.”

She blushed, clutching her blouse as if to somehow close it tighter, instead. “What? Why?”

“Give him something stimulating to look at.”

“You're a pig.”

He sighed, looking startled when he glanced up and found the Asset watching him, and quickly looked away. “I don't want to be doing this all day.” Again, he glanced at the Asset and then quickly away. “He's somehow a lot less creepy when he's killing people.”

“Oh, for the love of... Move.” The assistant stepped closer, shoving the handler aside and reaching up. When he dropped his hand, she nudged him. “Hell no. Keep at it. I'm helping, not taking over.”

“It was supposed to be your job!”

“Too bad. It's yours now.” Framing the Asset's face with her hands, she pulled him down for a slow, leisurely kiss.

He shuddered again, arms coming up automatically to wrap around her and pull her closer. She had to shift around a bit awkwardly, to keep from interfering with the handler's ministrations, but she didn't break the kiss. Deepening it, instead, she brought her hands down to his shoulders, and then raked her nails down his back.

“Finally!”

As the assistant – Alina, the Asset's hazy memory whispered – stepped back and wiped her mouth, the handler held the how full cup out to her. She took it with a soft laugh, snapping a cap over the top. “Maybe next time we should just try to breed him the old fashioned way.”

“We did try that.”

“What happened?”

“He killed her.” He pushed the Asset back, urging him to sit down and then moved quickly out of reach. “That was his last handler before me.”

Alina flinched, darting a nervous glance at the Asset and then back at his handler. “They tried to breed him to his handler?”

“Well...” With a shrug and an awkward smile, he explained, “It was her idea, and she didn't exactly clear it with the boss.”

Expression shifting from unnerved to disgusted and angry, she spat, “Meaning she got frisky, he wasn't interested, and to save face, they chalked it up to a failed attempt to make more super soldiers. I probably would have killed her, too.”

“And how would your notion of 'old fashioned breeding' be any different?”

Those pretty gray eyes flicked over to the Asset, and her cheeks turned pink when she saw him staring at her. “I meant seduce him, not rape him. And I was joking.”

His handler scoffed. “So dramatic... A woman can't rape a man. Not physically possible.”

“I don't know what else to call it!” She gestured to the Asset, who sat still and silent, big blue eyes still locked on her. “This doesn't bother you at all? Don't get me wrong, the fact that it's even possible to create this... It's fascinating, but at the end of the day, he's still a person. Isn't he?”

“He's a weapon, Alina. Nothing more. And he was no saint before the programming. We've just put his aggressive nature to use.” With a note of warning, the handler added quietly, “Careful what sentiments you express around here.”

Alina sighed, shaking her head as she began to walk away. “I still believe in the mission. I'm just not always sure about the methods.”

She looked and sounded so sad. The Asset was on his feet and moving before he was even able to figure out why. He hadn't been told to act, so why was he crossing the room, reaching for the assistant? The questions were still forming in his sluggish mind when he wrapped his arms around her and gathered her to him, cradling her petite frame against his bare chest. She went rigid, startled, but didn't try to break free.

“Shit! He's coming to! I'll get the-”

“No, it's fine.” Bringing her free hand up to rest on the Asset's arm, she held the other out to his handler. “It's just a hug. I'm fine. Get this to the lab. I'll deal with him.”

“You don't know what he's capable of.”

“No,” she agreed, turning in the Asset's loose embrace when the handler finally took the cup from her. With a soft almost-smile, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed. “But I know what he needs.”

“Are you sure-”

“I'm fine. He won't hurt me. Just go.”

“Fine, but if he eviscerates you, I'm not mopping up the blood.”

Alina snorted, but didn't reply. She waited until the handler left before she spoke again, voice soft and airy as she stared straight into the Asset's eyes. “Weapon or not, you're alive. Living things need affection. It's okay, Soldier. Hold me as long as you need to.”

She was so warm... He held her a little tighter, resting his head on top of hers. He liked warm; warm was soothing, comforting. The air around him was always chilly, the chamber he came out of before missions even worse. The Asset barely even understood the concept of warmth, but he knew that it was the best sensation he'd ever felt. What had started out as a desire to comfort Alina very quickly became using Alina as a living space heater. He didn't want to let her go.

Laughing softly as she felt him shiver, she rubbed his back a little and then moved out of his embrace. “You're freezing. Let's get you dressed, hm?”

“Make it quick. We need to wipe him.”

Alina jumped, startled. Though he knew it was his handler, and handler meant safe, the Asset reacted to her flinch and spun to face him, gently pushing Alina behind him.

He heard her laugh. “Aggressive nature, huh?” She wrapped her arms around his middle, and he immediately relaxed, leaning back against her. “He's a puppy.”

“Even puppies bite,” his handler grumbled. To the Asset, he commanded, “Put your clothes on, Soldier. There's a mission.”

When Alina released him, he obediently reached for his discarded clothing, but he kept his handler in his line of sight at all times. Safe clashed with scared her in his head, and though he trusted his handler with his own life, he didn't let his guard down while she was in the room.

They urged him toward the machine once he was dressed, and that was when his handler's words - “we need to wipe him” - finally registered. He didn't resist, but he did stare at them both, desperately, pleadingly, and ask in a timid voice, “What did I do wrong?”

Alina's pretty gray eyes filled with pain, and tears. The Asset wanted to check on her, comfort her, but a glance at his handler's stony face reminded him that he wasn't supposed to move without orders. Even though she was shaking, he was relieved when she came to him as he sat in the chair and waited. Soft hands brushing his hair back off his face, she whispered, “Nothing, baby. You're not in trouble.”

“But...” He glanced at the machine, and then back at her. “Why?”

“This is why,” his handler muttered, already moving toward the controls. “He's too aware. We need to reset him.”

Even as the restraints closed over his arms and he settled back to wait for the inevitable, the Asset whimpered to Alina, “It hurts.”

She let out a choked sound and turned away, hand over her mouth. “I can't watch this.” With the briefest of glances in the Asset's direction, she shook her head and ran for the door.

His handler snorted. “Women.”

The Asset closed his eyes as the cold metal descended around his head. He wished Alina hadn't left; the handler was safe but not... Alina was... She was something. What was she?

Just before the cold turned to searing, agonizing heat, the word came to him: Kind.

And then he was screaming, and moment by moment, the day was burned out of him. She was gone, and all that was left was his handler, and the hurt.

#fanfiction #mcu fanfiction #bucky barnes #toy soldiers #captain america the first avenger #captain america the winter soldier

2 notes · View notes

bronte-deserves-better · 3 years

Text

Hi fuckers welcome to a really sad fic. I take no responsibility for what happens if you decide to read this, that's on you.

Title: and we fade in the dark

Wordcount: 2597

Summary: Bronte dies and everything is awful

Warnings: death, injury, graphic violence, blood, implied past suicidal thoughts.

Other Notes: Credit for the headcanons about how Oralie senses emotions goes to TheDarkChocolateLord on AO3.

Also, some important and necessary context for this fic: Fintan and Bronte are siblings, they were adopted by two elves called Serenel and Ramil.

A Keepsafe is a Councillor designated to protect their own safety no matter the cost so that there will always be at least one Councillor left alive to take charge in event of an emergency.

Also feat. nonbinary!Bronte

Actual fic under the cut

This was it, Oralie realized. This was the end. Whoever won the battle today would win the war- and it had to be them.

Grateful for her decision to wear more practical clothing today, she rushed through the flurry, hitting any black-cloaked figure that got in her way with her heels. Why oh why had she not taken Bronte up on their offer of proper weapons? Speaking of Bronte, where were they? Where were the rest of the Council? Over a few people’s heads, Oralie watched Clarette summon a few of her favored animal companions, reckoning the polygot would be fine on her own. Emery seemed to be doing okay as well, mostly because he and Darek had teamed up and were using telekinesis to their advantage, and Ramira was nowhere to be seen, as usual, so Oralie presumed she had fled. Ramira was by far more faithful to her job as a Keepsafe than the Darek.

Too occupied in thoughts of the others’ safety, Oralie barely noticed the blond elf in front of her until she had almost run into him.

“Why hello there, Oralie.”

That voice would haunt her dreams. “Fintan.”

“I see you and your lot aren’t doing so well.” He wore his trademark smirk, scanning the battlefield with that sharp gaze.

“I think we’re doing quite fine,” Oralie countered, knowing that to show weakness to Fintan meant death.

Fintan laughed, a snake of flame curling around his shoulders as he did so. “They all won’t be once you die.”

She stared at the fire, trying to keep her breathing level. “I’m by no means the most valuable member of the Council.”

“True, true, but you are the most loved.”

“I doubt that.”

Fintan took a step forward.

Oralie took a step backward.

And before either of them could make another move than that, Bronte was standing between them with a dagger leveled towards Fintan. “Get away from Oralie. Now.”

“What a way to talk to your brother.”

“Get. Away. From. Her.”

“Fine, fine.” Fintan rolled his eyes as he took a step back. “You’re such a protective asshole, you know.”

Bronte visibly flinched, but the dagger they had pointed at Fintan’s heart didn’t waver. “I protect the people I care about.”

It was Fintan’s turn to flinch. “Now that was just harsh.”

“Stop trying to kill my best friend and I won’t have to fight you.”

“No can do, I’m afraid. Leader of a rebel organization and all.”

“Then it comes down to us.”

Oralie could only watch helplessly as Bronte lunged forward, striking like a snake, only to be countered by a dagger of Fintan’s own. The fight ranged across the field, going right and left, back and forth, Bronte and Fintan trading blows as Oralie stood helplessly with high heels in hand, not daring to interfere in case she hit Bronte. Both of them hadn’t fought like this in years, she could tell, and they were as even a match as anything. What Bronte lacked by being slightly smaller, they made up for with precision, and what Fintan lacked in precision he made up for with strength. Watching them duel, Oralie realized that the fight should have been over a while ago. If either of the siblings dared use their ability, it would be easy enough to catch the other by surprise and incapacitate them. But both of them were holding back, only striking at each other with weapons. Determined to win- but unable to bring themselves to truly harm the other.

Thump, thump.

Oralie snapped out of her thoughts in time to see Gethen heading towards her, sword in hand, and thought quickly enough to dodge, leaping out of the way of his blow. He didn’t get her last time, he wasn’t going to get her this time either.

This time, Bronte was there, turning from their fight with Fintan to block another blow from Gethen. Their small dagger wasn’t a proper match for Gethen’s lumenite sword, but it was a blade and it did its job of blocking Gethen’s attack.

Oralie could feel determination radiating off Bronte, rough and strong like wood that hadn’t been sanded, watched Gethen’s smirk grow as Fintan’s eyes widened and his dagger, which would have been blocked by Bronte’s had they not turned, slashed across Bronte’s torso.

Oralie might have screamed. She couldn’t tell who was screaming, and for all she knew it could have been Fintan. His horror was strong enough to reach her, guilt prickling across her skin as Bronte collapsed.

“Bronte!” That was her voice this time, Oralie thought distantly, her scream ringing across the battlefield as she reached desperately for her best friend.

“Ora- Oralie.” They reached back, weakly, painfully.

Their dagger was laying on the ground next to her. Their blood was already coating her hands.

“Why?” Oralie pleaded. “Why would you di- get hurt for me?”

“Because I love you. Idiot.”

Oralie could feel Bronte’s pain surge through her, a phantom slash all the way down her chest as sticky sorrow poured across her hands, but their sentiment was genuine, the warmth of friendship radiating through. “I think- I think you’re the idiot.” She might have been crying, the sticky warmth of tears indistinguishable from the sticky warmth of love mingled with sadness. “You saved me, you saved the one who’s always been so weak.”

“Fucking nonsense. You’re- ah!” They gasped, and Oralie flinched as the pain doubled in intensity. “You’re stronger than anyone I know,” Bronte finished weakly. Their bangs fell across their face, strands of brown tinted red with blood as the rest fanned around their head like a halo but plainer.

“Bronte,” Fintan whispered from somewhere nearby.

Oralie would have killed him, if she could, but Bronte just stretched out a trembling hand. “Brother.”

“Bronte,” he repeated. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to!”

Bronte’s emotions shifted, damp regret scratching against Oralie’s heart like wet wool. “I was the one who failed you from the start. I’m sorry.”

“Big brother,” Fintan whispered, and Oralie’s hands were sticky with his sorrow and Bronte’s blood.

“I forgive you. I forgive you.”

And Fintan was sobbing now, that she could be sure of, the enormity of his guilt crushing her and making it hard to breathe. Was she breathing? She couldn’t be sure.

“Oralie.” Buried under waves of pain, soft prickles of concern reached Oralie, and she drew a shuddering breath as Bronte tapped her hand lightly. “Oralie.”

“Y- yes?” Her voice failed her, wobbling under the weight of Fintan’s guilt that might have been her guilt that might have been Bronte’s worry.

“Don’t let go, okay? Don’t give up, just because- just. Just don’t give up. Please. You deserve to be happy and you will be.”

“It gets better someday,” Oralie whispered, remembering what she had told them so many times.

“It gets better. Someday. Promise?”

“Promise what?”

“Promise you won’t give up.”

Oralie took a shaky breath. “I promise.”

In some corner of her mind, she was vaguely aware of the fact that one of Clarette’s creatures had thrown Gethen away from the three of them, that a familiar grief- Emery’s- was prickling the back of her neck, but all she could see was Bronte’s chest rising and falling too quickly as their breathing grow shallower.

“Good. Tell Sophie I’m proud of her. Tell the rest of the Council that I cared about them- except. Except tell Alina to get fucked.” They pressed a leaping crystal into her hand weakly. “Tell. Serenel. Ramil. My parents. I loved them. And never- never forget that I love you. So much.”

“This isn’t goodbye. This isn’t!”

“It has to be.” Bronte smiled painfully. “I’m sorry.”

And suddenly Oralie was drowning in the absence of their emotions, all the sticky sorrow vanishing from her hands and leaving only blood. “Bronte. Bronte! Please, don’t go!” She knew it was futile already, knew there was only one thing the lack of emotions could mean, but she begged anyways, holding them close like she hadn’t been able to do for Kenric. Kenric. Words and oaths and memories spiraled through her mind, leaving one final grief, which she screamed to the world. “You promised me, Bronte! You promised! You said you’d never leave, not like- not like Kenric!”

I’m sorry. The memory of those words echoed through her mind, the pain behind them tearing through any remaining numbness. I’m sorry.

It took her a moment to realize that someone was saying them out loud too, a different voice and a different sorrow clinging to her heart. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Oralie.” Emery’s golden voice was rough, the sentiment in it more real than anything he had said as Spokesperson.

His sorrow drowned her as he pulled her into a gentle embrace, and Oralie let it. It was easy to let the pain of others wrap her up tightly just like their arms, far, far easier than facing the rage and grief and guilt pooling in her chest. For once, Oralie embraced the numbness.

There was blood on Emery’s shoulder.

That was the first thing she noticed when she could notice anything but grief. The bloody spot was small, but seeping outward slowly, and just as sticky as his pain. Focusing in on his emotions, Oralie narrowed down a phantom ache in her shoulder, right over where the blood on his was.

“Emery’s hurt.” Her voice didn’t sound like hers, rough and distant. “Left shoulder.”

“Shit, nice catch, Oralie!” That was Livvy’s voice, her usual cheer strained and cracking. “Handy uh, having an empath around, I guess.”

Oralie stared at golden embroidery of Emery’s tunic, watching it slowly become stained with blood. “Yeah.” She didn’t know when Livvy had gotten here, didn’t bother to wonder.

Livvy’s worry was prickly. “I’ll fix that up, if you don’t mind moving back, Councillor Oralie?”

“Okay.” Oralie stepped back and wondered how her voice could sound so dead while her chest was rising and falling still. She was vaguely aware that Livvy was fussing, vaguely aware that Emery was sighing, but it all seemed very far away even though they were right next to her.

The next thing she was aware of was someone putting their hand in hers softly, a pearl ring shimmering on the middle finger.

“I heard what happened,” Liora said quietly.

Oralie said nothing.

“I don’t know you well, and I didn’t know Bronte well. But I hope you know we’ll all stand by you.” Liora’s concern was less prickly than Bronte’s had been, more like flannel than felt, but just as real.

Oralie didn’t know what to do with the knowledge that Liora cared enough to worry about her, had no way of discerning even what she felt about it. “Thank you. They- Bronte- told me to tell you- you and the others, that is- that they cared. Even though it didn’t seem like it.”

“Even though it didn’t seem like it,” the other Councillor repeated softly. “Sounds like Bronte.”

“It does.” Oralie’s words felt fragile in her mouth.

Liora squeezed her hand. “Don’t hesitate to knock on my door if you need. I don’t talk to people much, but I do care.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Oralie let the other Councillors shunt her around for the remainder of the day, let Emery take charge as always. Liora stuck by her most of the time, a quiet, stable presence that Oralie was grateful for, or would have been if she could feel anything but numb. Livvy tried futilely to cheer her up once or twice once the doctors had finished fixing everyone up, but it did no good. Oralie could barely process the jokes, let alone find them funny.

Finally, they were leaping home, but it seemed that Oralie’s trials weren’t over for the day. Waiting for them were the members of Team Valiant, worry apparent in their stances.

Sophie scanned the line of Councillors, not meeting Oralie’s eyes as usual. “Where’s Bronte?”

No one answered her.

Sophie’s gaze was as prickly as her fear when it landed on Oralie. “Where’s Bronte?”

Oralie couldn’t say it. Wouldn’t say it.

“Did they get held up? Did something happen? Are they hurt? Please, what happened?”

The anguish in Sophie’s voice broke Oralie’s heart, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

Emery did so instead, steady voice tinged with sorrow. “Bronte was killed in the fight against the Neverseen.”

“They were defending me,” Oralie whispered. “It was my fault.”

“No!” Sophie’s emotions were too many textures at once, all tempered with sharp disbelief. “Bronte can’t just be dead! They were like, a million years old! That’s not fair!”

“Our world very rarely is,” Emery murmured.

“Well fuck that all!” Sophie burned with anger, voice sticky with sadness as she turned to Oralie. “And you just- and they were saving you?”

“There was nothing Oralie or anyone else could have done,” Emery put in quickly. “I don’t know the full details, but it was a dreadful fight.”

“I want to hear it from her.”

Oralie didn’t meet Sophie’s gaze.

“Councillor.”

The world was too bright, the green of the grass too vivid for such a sad day, Oralie noted distantly.

“Oralie,” Sophie snapped, and the genuine hatred behind it was almost enough to make Oralie crumble on its own. “What the fuck happened?”

“Don’t talk to your elders like that,” Emery scolded.

“I don’t care! Bronte is dead and Oralie won’t talk and- and maybe it should have been her!”

Oralie could feel the horror and regret the second Sophie’s words left her mouth, the uncomfortable dampness of those emotions brushing her skin in the silence those words left, but regret didn’t change what had been said. Or the fact that it should have been Oralie. “She’s right.”

“No!” That was Terik, from the other end of the line of Councillors. “No, Oralie, no. It shouldn’t have been any of us. Let alone you.”

“If it came down to Bronte or me, it always should have been me who died,” Oralie whispered. “They deserved better. They always did.”

“No,” Sophie said quietly. “No. I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry! I didn’t think- it wasn’t right! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Oralie.”

Her name sounded safe in her daughter’s mouth for the first time since Sophie had learned the truth.

Oralie drew a shuddering breath. “Bronte told me to tell you they were proud of you. Before they died. They wanted me to pass on the message.”

“They- they were?”

“They were. They were so proud.”

And Oralie was crying, and Sophie was crying, and even unflappable, unshakable Emery was crying a little bit because it didn’t matter who ‘should’ have died, Bronte was dead and it was left to the rest of them to pick up all the broken pieces and try to make them beautiful again.

“I’m sorry,” Sophie whispered into Oralie’s shoulder, sadness more sticky than her tears on the already-ruined gown. “I’m sorry.”

Emery offering “I’m sorry” as a condolence.

Bronte’s last words of “I’m sorry”.

Fintan desperately apologizing for hurting them, a pained “I’m sorry”.

“I’m sorry,” Oralie whispered back, feeling the weight of the others’ words behind her own. “For everything.”

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry- I’m sorry for what I said.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

And they held each other and knelt on the too-green grass of Eternalia and cried until even Oralie had no more tears left. Only then did they get up, wipe their faces, and decide to go on, one way or another.

#councillor Oralie #Councillor Bronte #semp writes #sophie foster #KotLC #councillor Emery #blood tw #death tw #gore tw #angst

20 notes · View notes

sirenprincess15 · 3 years

Text

Please Don't Leave Me Chapter 14

Title: Please Don’t Leave Me

Author: SirenPrincess

Chapter 1 is a missing scene at the end of Ep 4, and Chapter 2 takes place alongside Ep 5 and then diverges from canon there.

Pairings: Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, bits of Ivan/Fedyor

Rating: PG-13

In this chapter: Tension continues between Aleksander and Alina as she tries to figure out who he truly is and what's real.

Chapter 14

“Where’s the girl?”

Aleksander cringed at Baghra’s voice. He didn’t want to remember this.

“Your sun summoner?”

He whimpered. He couldn’t say the word. Tears flooded his eyes. “Please …”

“Dead?

A guttural cry escaped him. “She died because I couldn’t protect her. I tried. I tried, but she wouldn’t let …”

“She died because she rejected who you are. If you weren’t so awful, maybe she could have trusted you, maybe she would have stayed.”

Aleksander awoke with a gasp. He struggled to catch his breath as he realized he was still lying on Alina’s chest. Safe. Her heart was still beating.

She said nothing as she soothingly ran her fingers through his hair to give him time to calm back down from his nightmare. He appreciated it because he needed it. He reminded himself to focus on her breathing. His head throbbed from drinking too much kvas with Fedyor the night before. He couldn’t think. How did he find the words to make her trust him again so that his worst nightmares wouldn’t come true?

At some point, the quiet just gave him more time to worry, though. Could Alina ever possibly forgive him? Would she turn on him now that she knew the truth? Could she find it in her to love him again? Would she choose the tracker? Would she still help him protect Grisha if she turned on him? How long did he have to still have her in his life? It was almost like wondering how long he would have air, but really, it was sunshine.

He wanted to stay in her arms forever, but he could not remain trapped in his thoughts anymore. “Do you want to go to breakfast together?” His voice was hoarse from sleepiness, at least that’s what he told himself. “Or we could have it brought here?”

“Thank you, but I will be spending the day with Mal.” Her chin jutted out as if she were daring him to fight that pronouncement.

“I see.” He sighed. Was this all he would get? A few hours of sleep with her? He would certainly take it over nothing, but why did she want to go be with the tracker? That idiot had always taken her for granted, done nothing to help with her self-esteem … Aleksander ground his teeth to stop himself from pointing out all of the tracker’s flaws.

“Are you good now?” she asked as she rose from the bed and went over to their shared closet.

“Thank you for letting me sleep.”

She started to dress and did nothing to hide her beautiful body from his gaze. Perhaps this was payback for his stripping in front of her the night before. Perhaps she wanted him to stare with longing as maybe she had? Or maybe she found the idea of covering up in front of each other just as awkward as he had. Then he saw what she was putting on.

Blue.

It was an arrow straight through his heart, and it hurt every bit as much as one. He knew that pain all too well from experience. “You will not be wearing that today,” he commanded.

“I will be wearing whatever I choose.” Her eyes stared right into his for a long moment, almost like a staring content, and then she went back to buttoning the blue kefta.

“Why?” He was desperate to understand her reasoning as he tried to hold together his composure.

“I like blue, very me, don’t you think?”

“Are you trying to torture me?” He gave up on trying to appear commanding and just let the pain show in his voice. “That outfit has hurt me every time you put it on since I offered you my colors.” Rejection, over and over again. It took on a new meaning now that she had already aligned herself with him. Now, it meant she disavowed their bond and that she wanted everyone to know she was no longer his.

She tilted her head and stared at him for a long moment. “Are you going to stop me?”

Finally, he caved and shook his head. “Wear what you want.” In the end, it was an outfit, one that hurt him, but an outfit nonetheless. They had more important things to agree on like protecting Grisha and the Fold. If letting her wear blue was what made her more willing to negotiate, he could endure the pain and humiliation as everyone gossiped about her leaving him.

“Has it occurred to you that maybe I’m testing you?”

He glanced up, his eyes wide. He was an expert at analyzing people and situations and reading any room. How did she always manage to surprise him? Why could he not think clearly when it came to her? “Testing me?”

“Baghra said you wanted to make me your slave, to take away my free will. I wanted to see what you would do if I insisted on my way with something I knew you disagreed with.”

“Alina …” His mother’s words again, tearing them apart. Is that what Alina thought? That he had done things against her will? That he was willing to? “I know you are upset with me for keeping you from your old life and forcing you to focus on your new one, but besides that … did I ever do anything against your will to make you believe her? Did I … not understand your consent? Did I make you think you had to? Did I touch you when you didn’t want to or …? ” He could not live with himself if any of that was true.

She was quiet for a moment. Her eyes flicked as she seemed to sort through memories or assess their previous interactions. “Never.”

“Then, why are you even considering believing her?”

“Because you didn’t give me a chance to make those decisions with full knowledge of who you are or the situation with Mal.”

The criticism hurt. Was it fair? He was so lost in his head that he wasn’t sure anymore. “It started with needing you to trust me, but then I got to know you. Would you understand if I said I was just so excited for someone to actually care about me … even if that required hiding who I was from you so you could.” Tears filled his eyes, but he would not let them fall. “Your love was so … addictive. I guess I just wanted to pretend that you could love me. It felt good.”

“You assume you had to hide who you were from me, that I couldn’t love who you actually are. You don’t know that. You didn’t give me a chance to even figure that out.”

“I’m trying to give you that chance now.”

“I know.”

“So?”

“So I’m giving you some tests.” She shrugged. “I’m trying to figure out what’s real. I’m paying attention to if you still lie to me, hide things from me, or if you try to manipulate me.”

“If it was a test, then did I pass?”

“You’re working on it.” She walked over to him and squeezed his arm. “Try not to spend the entire day stressing. Mal and I have a lot to catch up on. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Wait,” he said, rising from the bed and grabbing her arm before she could leave. She paused and looked up at him with curiosity but a bit of apprehension. He hated that she had been convinced to fear him, even a little, again. “I can’t let you go without a guard. Don’t give me grief about that. The tracker cannot protect you from Fjerdan assassins. Fedyor will still be sleeping off the extreme amount of alcohol we consumed last night. Let’s leave Ivan to tend to him. Plus, I’m more comfortable with Ivan guarding you at night.” He didn’t want to admit out loud that it was so he could know if she slept with the tracker. “Let me take you to Inessa,” he started to suggest just as the woman stepped into the doorway of the war room.

“Ivan sent for me. He thought you might need me this morning.” Aleksander smiled. That was exactly why Ivan was second-in-command. He always thought things through.

#aleksander x alina #alina x aleksander #aleksander morovoza #kirigan x alina #alina x kirigan #general kirigan #the darkling #alina x darkling #darklina

10 notes · View notes