#i feel old but i also feel like a teenager who sort of fell into being an adult

[zahri-melitor]

One of the many tragedies of Jack Drake is that not only was he bad at being a parent, but that he had the perfect person to discuss how hard the experience was for him right there and yet the only conversation they ever have about parenting Tim is conducted at gunpoint.

Because look at Jack Drake. As far as he was concerned, he had everything under control until Janet died and his world fell apart.

Tim was a Good Kid™ as a kid. He was well behaved and polite and not a difficult child and that's obvious from the fact that many of his memories of his parents together are of being taken out in public. Jack and Janet had one kid and they clearly wanted that kid to enjoy the same things they did, so they took him with them to restaurants and museums and art galleries and the opera. And he enjoyed it and enjoyed that time with them.

Jack however clearly saw his role as a father and a husband in the very traditional position as the main provider. It was his job to work and bring in the income that supported their lifestyle (his depressive episode after losing the company and their having to move makes it very clear how much of his self-worth was tied up in that role). He had a son, but his time with Tim was pretty clearly about taking Tim out with him on a Saturday afternoon to watch sport, or play tennis with his friends, or go to the monster trucks, or go fishing: being able to spend a few hours with Tim and show him off to his friends and then return home and someone else took over looking after Tim. And in his mind, he clearly thought he was a good parent! He spent time with his son! His son was a credit who was worth showing off! He could take Tim with him when he and Janet went out for the evening, and Tim could be relied upon to behave. He was winning at being a father!

The part Jack never realised, of course, was that like many men in his position, he'd handed the day to day logistics of raising a kid over to his wife (Janet) and to people he paid to do it for him (Tim's boarding school). He wasn't the disciplinarian parent. He was the 'fun' parent, who got to have the good times with his child.

If Jack was ever actually involved in decisions about discipline and consequences of actions, it was probably at the ultimate stage: the 'wait til your father gets home' sort of threat. The nuclear option. He didn't handle the everyday stuff - he probably never SAW the everyday stuff.

So, Jack thinks he's a great parent. He can brag to his friends about how well behaved HIS child is, unlike those little ruffians you see screaming in public or whose parents can't take them anywhere because they're disruptive.

Then his world falls apart. He's injured and disabled and grieving. He's a single dad. And the kid he's got is suddenly not the child he remembers. Tim frequently acts out, lies, runs away and comes home with bruises and notes from school saying they’re worried something is going on. He also starts dating and possibly trying to have sex ‘too young’ (being caught with Ariana sleeping over and the couch situation, Steph being pregnant even if Tim insisted it wasn't his).

Jack Drake has to suddenly step up to be the main parent of a 14 year old who he's probably never had that dynamic with. He doesn't have the years of experience in how Tim reacts to various forms of boundaries and punishments, because he's never been the one who set them or enforced them. He's probably never sat down and talked to Tim about his feelings in his life. And Tim, I repeat, is fourteen years old, possibly one of the most difficult ages for a kid. Everyone's 14 year olds are suddenly more difficult than usual and pushing boundaries.

On top of that, he's got to learn this all on the fly, in circumstances where he basically has no support. "Help, I'm a new single father to a teenager' isn't really a genre of self help book or parenting group that gets a lot of love - most people who are single parents aren't men, and most people looking for advice on dealing with problems with raising their kids are talking about under-5s, because by the time kids are out of the toddler stage most parents have a reasonable idea of what works and what doesn't, have networks set up, and are usually reaching out for a bit of advice or support about a specific situation, not Dealing With It All.

What Jack really needs is a buddy or two who are also single fathers to teenage boys, who have experience navigating this, maybe who also acquired responsibility for their son in his teen years. Wow. I mean that's a big ask, but funnily enough, there's someone who lives right next door who exactly fits that description...

(The tragedy that Bruce and Jack only ever have the one discussion about parenting Tim, the kid they've been effectively co-parenting since Tim was 13 years old, and that that discussion took place with Jack holding a gun on Bruce).

So of course Jack is terrible at being a parent to Tim. He's inexperienced, he doesn't have any support, he doesn't SEEK support outside of marrying Dana (and Dana clearly while lovely is both ineffective and reluctant to interfere in Jack and Tim's relationship). Now, he fails on very specific axes, in ways that are both understandable and also signs that Jack has a bad handle on his temper.

His go-to threat is sending Tim back to boarding school, because: when Tim was at boarding school, Jack didn't have any discipline issues with Tim! It clearly worked!; Tim doesn't want to go back to boarding school, making it a threat to hold over him; again, Jack's seeing a kid who is sneaking around, lying, running away and he's at his wits end - there's a narrative in the circles he lives in that such kids DO need to be taught to behave and sending them to boarding school is a way to do that.

He runs hot and cold on paying attention to Tim because up until Tim was 14 that was...what he did! And it wasn't such an issue then, as he wasn't a single parent. And when he pays attention, he does tend to be focused (laser focused, in fact), in getting Tim out of No Man's Land, of the dramas at school during Cry of the Huntress when Jack's getting outraged over Tim's bruises and getting into fights, when he's arguing with Ariana's uncle over whether Tim and Ariana's relationship was going too far.

It's just that he never developed the day to day, in between level of parenting and boundary setting and discipline. He's got a temper, and he swings between "it'll be fine, Tim's a smart kid, I trust him" laid back permissiveness, and getting mad and going immediately to the nuclear option: "You are going back to boarding school!" and so on.

He doesn't know how to walk away and calm himself down when he's worked up. He's not particularly good at redirecting his aggression. And he gets easily frustrated, because in his mind everything went smoothly for years...until it was all his responsibility.

And the thing is, there are so many ways Jack could have tried harder to be a good parent, that were available to him. But because of his background and the culture he lived in and the demands of storytelling he never reached out for any of them.

(And Bruce was right there! They knew each other socially! Everyone knew Bruce had worked through having two teenage sons on his own! He could have asked for advice, and he even knew Bruce knew Tim, given Bruce had officially fostered Tim while Jack was in a coma and in hospital. If you were putting together a specific support group you'd kick yourself over how perfect this was)

It's just such a part of the tragedy of Jack Drake.

#dc meta #jack drake

[wufflesvetinari]

ok fine, wyllstarion rec list

the demons bade me write this. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings and a fabulous bookmarks list. come with me....and you'll be.......in a world of pure wyllstarion nation

note that this is like. an intermediate/advanced, 201-level list. i am trusting you, and assume you've already read asidian's body of work. you've read nothing is safe. you're reading Nothing Like the Sun &etc. Really anything that appears on the first two pages when sorting by bookmarks/kudos is disqualified due to pre-recognized excellence. (you could, however, go read them again)

are you back? good. now read:

"We Happy Few" - @geometea. listen to me. listen. i am looking deeply into your eyes. read this fucking fic. it's hard to shill without spoiling anything, BUT: wyll is a still-pacted grand duke. he used to have a bunch of unresolved romantic tension with astarion and now hasn't spoken to him for 15 years. now take that premise and add body horror, beautiful ominous surreal images, and SURPRISE BIG EMOTIONS. just trust me on this one, guys

"Crossed Blades" - @rebelontherocks. this is a...i think i have to call this a cozy sex romp. wyll and astarion are married, wyll is a busy duke, astarion needs more enrichment, astarion invents a very silly sex game by roleplaying teenage-wyll's smut books. wyll is So Deeply Into It. i love this fic for its characterization, its banter, and its commitment to paralleling character psychology to what sounds like an absolutely wild in-universe smut series (that is sketched with an impressive amount of detail and care tbh??).

"Comfort" - @acephalouscreature. short and sweet. wyll is injured and everyone expects astarion to take care of him. luckily, astarion has a dastardly plan to fake feelings for wyll by thinking about his feelings for wyll. you sure fooled them, astarion!! also featuring: astarion trying to figure out how to comfort someone by thinking about horses

"False Compare" - @jellyfishline. i'd recommend checking out their work generally, but i fell in love with this one first. wyll writes a sonnet! astarion is mean about it until he isn't! deeply in-character with an emphasis on how each of them communicates affection. gorgeous prose

"how to escape the torment nexus" - @ushauz. this series is incredibly unique, set in a fucked-up bad end where wyll is a lemure, astarion is still on the run from cazador, and almost everyone else is dead. where this really shines imo is wyll's POV: he's been through literal hell, doesn't remember his life, and is wading through his unconscious attachment to astarion like a foreign language. (side note also read Heart of Stone for a great lae'zel character piece)

"An Acorn in the Moonlight" - @anonyhex. this is one of the first wyllstarion fics i ever read and it has a special place in my heart!! it's particularly cathartic to read for Wyll reasons, including him actually getting to Have Emotions about what Ulder put him through. and they are so sweet with each other!!

"temporal displacement" - @purplecatghostposts. ok this came out like. yesterday but listen, i LOVE outsider pov of an astarion who's learned to show affection somewhat, seen from the eyes of someone who doesn't know his history and has no reason to suspect All Of That. and when that "outsider" is a dying 20-year-old wyll who just saw astarion step out of a time portal. well.

"nothing to make a song about" - themortal. for when you want something meaty and casefic-adjacent, set in a post-canon where wyll is the blade and not the duke (for once). contains bonding on the road, getting romantically snowed in together, and Symbolic Fetch-Quests.

i am also watching closely: "One of Those Prince-Types" by @lesbianralzarek and "sigh no more" by @tomorrowsrain. both are one chapter in and promise to be meaty, with execution that already feels very very promising

SPECIAL MENTION TO "Like Death (or Birth)" by The_Dancing_Walrus, which has some fraught implied background wyllstarion and is just generally completely baller. astarion kind-of sort-of accidentally adopts yenna, who got fucked up by her time as a potential sacrifice to bhaal. it works! i promise it works

#wyllstarion #bg3 #astarion #wyll ravengard #bloodpact #leading you gently by the hand through wyllstarion nation #fic rec

[lxdyred]

New people in town

Joel Miller x Ex-lover!Reader (She/her), OC!May Miller x Mom!Reader, Tommy Miller x Reader (Platonic af)

Chapter II

Summary: In which a girl discovers how the new man in town — who was accompanied by another teenage girl — and her mother were closely and intimately related once, and how almost two decades after they last saw each other, their reunion could possibly turn their worlds upside down.

New people in town playlist! ✨

Warning: swear words, mentions of death, violence and sex, possible smut in the future, ANGST, etc. Possible spoilers!

A/N: English is not my maternal language, Spanish is, so I will take advantage of that in the future lmao. Also if you see any grammatical error, please let me know!

Tag list: Open! If you wanna be tag let me know, also if by any chance you wanna get removed, also let me know! Ty :)

Feedback is really appreciated! ❤️

2005

She wasn't the least bit used to sleeping next to someone, sharing a bed and such a small space. Even before the outbreak, she was not. Yes, she had occasionally shared a bed with one of her girl or guy friends, but it came always from the most platonic place possible. Whenever she had had sex, it had always been sporadic, with no possibility of sleeping in the same bed with such people.

This time it was different, he was different. And that was a problem. She didn't know if allowing herself to let her guard down in that way was going to benefit her in any way, or the opposite.

For every time you let someone into your life in a cruel world like the one she lived in, it only meant one more loss at some point.

The man she had lying next to her, naked, was not her boyfriend — in fact, he wasn't even her friend — they were partners, strictly. And roommates, occasionally. Still, she let her guard down for once, and so she ended up clinging to the warm, broad back of her partner, who was sleeping on his right side. She rested her forehead against the back of his neck, and as she closed her eyes, she listened to the rain falling outside.

It wasn't until her breathing matched his and she was about to fall asleep that he shifted his position and turned onto his left side, coming face to face with her, who still had her eyes closed, even though she was still pretty much awake.

"Shit." He mumbled in the darkness of the room, seeing her body so close to his. Naked and vulnerable, just like him. He did no more, admiring her briefly and pondering the situation he found himself in, despite the heaviness of his eyelids, he shook and dropped his head back onto the pillow, hiding his face in her hair, after that, he hugged her waist over the old blanket that covered them both.

When their breaths came in rhythm again, she opened her eyes and looked up, noticed his relaxed expression and ventured to stealthily bring her hand to the scar on the right side of his forehead, stroked it gently, lovingly, then moved on to caress the curls at the back of his head.

The rain was now falling harder outside, which caused her to look up to the window of the room, still not moving her head in the slightest. The water was falling heavily and was accompanied by the occasional silver streak of a lightning.

It was as if, in some way, the storm that was raging outside was a reflection of the internal struggle she was having.

Was letting her guard down with him a wise choice? Would it hurt in any way? Was he an exception, perhaps, even though they were still strangers?

Before she could even have an answer to all those questions in her head, she fell into the arms of Morpheus. And for the first time since it all began, she slept with an unfamiliar, warm sense of security, which allowed her to feel some sort peace.

2023

"Be very, very careful, okay, my love?" Said the progenitor whom still continued to see the teen as her baby. "Listen always to-"

"-Your aunt Maria. All the time, yeah, okay? I'll be fine. We won't go far." Said the young woman, named May, as she pulled on her gloves before heading to the horse she was about to ride.

"I will have my eyes on her, all the time. Nothing will happen to her, also I will make sure she learns a thing or two." Maria said as she approached the duo, she was accompanied by her husband, Tommy, and the horse she was gonna rode in. "She is a very sharp and clever girl, I assure you she will be a great addition to the expedition and patrol group."

"Maybe one day I can take charge of leading them, you'll see." Half-joked the curly-haired young woman, giving a glance at all the members of her little family.

"It's only a matter of time, sweetheart." Her uncle said, giving his niece a smile as he patted her shoulder playfully. "While you're gone I'll take care of your dearest mother here."

"Thanks, Uncle Tommy." May said before hugging her uncle tightly.

"You're getting stronger and stronger." The man commented with a tone of surprise as he felt the strong grip the young girl had exercised in that brief embrace.

"That's what happens when you lift more weights than your uncle." The brown-eyed girl scoffed, before glancing at her mother, who was looking at the pair in amusement.

"See you in the afternoon, mama." Said the young girl before hugging her mother. Unlike the hug she had with her uncle, this one lasted a little longer and was gentler.

Before they broke the embrace, Red took her daughter's face and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Enjoy the experience, and you better let me know how it went later." She said, squeezing her daughter's hands affectionately, before letting her go.

"Shall I walk you to the clinic?" Tommy asked, after watching his wife and niece ride off on their respective horses.

"Yeah, let's go, Texas."

Tommy ran a hand through his mustache and looked at his friend, who was walking silently beside him. She wore a small smile on her face, one that reflected melancholy, even regret in a way. The younger Miller put his hand on her shoulder, which caused her to stop and give him a curious look.

"What's on your mind, my friend?"

"It's nothing."

"Red?" the man asked, folding his arms. "Spill it, come on."

"Tommy." She said resting her hands on her hips.

"Reddie." He mimicked her, trying to goad her into talking. "I'm your best friend, you know you can tell me anything. You'll never be judged."

"I'm late for work."

The dark curly-haired man looked at his watch, then at his friend. "It's still 20 minutes before you start your shift at the clinic."

"She looks more like him every day." She said at last. "She’ll be 18 in a few weeks and in a way... I can't stop thinking about him lately. And everything he's missed out on with her, because of me."

"Oh, honey." Tommy sighed before pulling her into his body, and resting one of his hands on her head.

"Because of my fucking selfishness and fear of telling him the truth, May has grown up without her father and Joel doesn't even know he has a daughter."

"Listen to me, okay?" his best friend demanded as he grabbed her face with both hands, causing her to fix her gaze on his. "You made the right decision by leaving Boston and not looking back. Don't get me wrong, I love my big brother dearly, but back then, Joel was a fucking mess and didn't care if he blew up everything in his path after Sarah's death. Joel was only a shell of what he once was."

"Don't you think at least I should-"

"Don't torment yourself with the 'what ifs'. They won't help you at all." Tommy wiped the tears away from his friend's face and gave her a small smile. "Besides, you should be proud of the tremendous good job you've done raising your daughter on your own, on your fucking own, and in this fucking post-apocalyptic world.

"Thanks, Miller." Said the woman, smiling at her daughter's uncle. "You know what I love about May? She smiles when she sleeps, whenever I think about it, I feel so much better. Thinking about making sure she keeps smiling… motivates me to keep going."

"Sarah used to do that too."

"Yeah?" the Nurse asked, her eyes lighting up at the thought of the two sisters sharing one more small gesture. "I wish they'd met."

"Sarah would have adored May. Believe me when I tell you she wouldn't have left your daughter's side no matter what."

2005

"Are you all right?" asked the comforting voice from behind her, soon after she felt a gentle squeeze on her shoulder.

She brought her hand to his and closed her eyes briefly, trying to hold back the tears. She knew Joel wasn't a man who showed his feelings, he wasn't usually physically close to her, except for when they slept together.

She didn't know much about him, or his life before the apocalypse. She for sure knew very basic and trivial things, which you might find out about someone on a first date. But at the same time, even when she didn't know anything about his past, she felt an intimate connection and familiarity with him. She felt safe, secure. He was the only person who conveyed that to her.

"Yes, don't worry." She said, nodding slightly, as she brushed her tears away with her free hand.

He knelt down in front of her and cupped her face with both hands. From where she sat on his couch, she could only stand silently watching him intently. He was covered in grime and dust, probably from all the hard work he had done throughout the day. "Something happened at work."

"That sounds like a statement you're making."

"I know it is." He said with his characteristic tone, rough, but soft somehow. "Has anyone given you trouble?" the man questioned with a frown. She didn't answer. "Should I break someone’s jaw to-"

"-No!"

"Do... you want to talk about it?"

She sniffled and looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears that again threatened to spill from her eyes. She shook her head vigorously, and gently rested her forehead against his. "Joel... I- You'll see..."

"What's wrong?"

"I know it's just sex between us, and other than that, we're partners and occasionally roommates, but... can I ask you a favour?" the young adult woman asked, showing her weakness.

"I guess, yes."

"Can we — just for tonight, just for once — sleep together, just sleep?" With trepidation she asked. "I know that because of everything you've been through, you keep your distance from people, but I'm asking you… please. Just for one night, can we be friends? You're the closest thing I have to one here."

Joel seemed to think about it, but a few seconds later he nodded slightly, and without a word, rose from the floor and offered a hand to her, who took it. He pulled her to his body, and she collapsed into tears on his chest.

"Shh... easy. I've got you." He planted a kiss on her hairline and with one hand stroked her back. Her breath hitched briefly, but for a few moments she allowed herself to enjoy and savour this unusual little moment with him.

She was so fucked. She was toasted, no doubt about it.

Despite the fact that they were practically, as many would say, perfect strangers, she had fallen in love with him, and she knew that wasn't the fucked up part of the whole situation. The doubly fucked up part was making a decision as to how she was going to let him go.

It shouldn't be that hard, she used to think from time to time. He doesn't feel anything for me, she used to think too.

It should be relatively easy, shouldn't it? To let go of a person who you know doesn't love you back. Who you know doesn't see you as anything more than a partner, who would help him from time to time with some smuggling business or help him to patch up the wounds he got, either from a fight or from the work he did to earn ration cards. Well, that and a person with whom she occasionally fucked — lately much more frequently than before — to relieve his stress, anger, or whatever.

She didn't mind, when she felt the same way she would go to him for exactly the same thing. Only unlike him, at some point along the way, she ended up catching feelings for the guy from Texas.

Holy fuck.

2023

"Hey, mama!" The young woman with curly brown hair said coming through the door. She was almost 18 years old, tall and with slightly tanned skin. She had a beautiful, radiant smile, which made her nose, identical to her mother's, scrunch slightly. But undoubtedly her most distinctive features were her huge chocolate eyes and the freckles that adorned her cheeks and nose — a trait her own mother did not know from whom she had inherited them.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Her mother, no more than 43 years old, replied as she looked at her daughter curiously. "How did your first expedition out of Jackson go? Did you do what we agreed, May?" she asked, arching an eyebrow and crossing her arms, waiting for an answer.

"Always do what Aunt Maria says. Yes, maaaama." The young woman said as she leaned against the kitchen counter, and watched intently as her mother prepared the evening's dinner. "It was quite unexpected what happened today. You see, a man and his daughter, came in asking for Uncle Tommy."

"Maybe an old friend of his. You know, from when he was with the Fireflies." The mother said to her daughter as she opened the oven door, then picked up the big tray she was going to put in the oven.

"No, not exactly, madre. That man was looking for his brother, Uncle Tommy."

CLANK!

Once the tray made contact with the floor, silence reigned in the kitchen for a few seconds. The young girl approached her mother, concern and nervousness flooding her face.

"Mama, are you okay?" the chocolate-eyed girl asked. "Mom, do you know that man? Do you know who he is?" May asked in a whisper, as she stroked her mother's back.

She could only nod awkwardly and slowly, as she was unable to look her daughter in the eyes. She swallowed and went to one of the kitchen stools, where she sat down and hid her face in her hands.

She sighed regretfully, before opening her eyes and pushing her hair behind her ears. "Yes, I know him — knew him. That was a lifetime ago, my love. But that was before you were even born."

"Did he know... my father? Or perhaps he knows what has become of him?"

The woman looked at her daughter, and brought a hand to the stool beside her, inviting her beloved daughter, the thing she loved most in this broken world, to take her place beside her. "May. You should sit down, I think it's time I told you about him. It's time I told you about your real father — Joel Miller."

"Joel Miller? As if Miller like- Uncle Tommy?"

"Yes." Red admitted with a sense of defeat.

"I don't get it, Mom." With confusion reflected on her face the little girl said. "I'm supposed to have adopted my last name from Tommy because I needed one for school?"

"May. You see-"

"You're telling me that Uncle Tommy is, in fact, my uncle not only because of your good relationship, but also because of what he is biologically?" May gripped the kitchen counter tightly, while frowning and still confused, she tried to process the information she was receiving. "When were you going to tell me all this? Or didn't you plan to?"

"I don't know, sweetheart." She answered honestly as she stood up and tried to take her daughter's hand, to try to comfort her.

The teenager pulled her hand away before she could even touch it. She felt betrayed by her own mother. "Please- Don't!" She exclaimed raising her hands in the air in frustration. "Is that the reason he's here looking for Tommy!? Because he knows his brother has practically raised his daughter?"

Red was silent for a few seconds. "No... no that's- No. Besides, that's not possible."

"Ah, so Joel Miller has no interest in meeting own daughter?" the young woman asked sharply, as tears formed in her eyes.

"No, May, that's not it, alright?" sighed the mother as she looked away from her daughter and tried to find a way to tell her the truth.

"Then why?"

"Because he doesn't know he has a daughter."

"I mean, he- He's come all this way and he doesn't even know about me?" May asked, trying to stifle a sob. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"

"Because I wanted to protect you!"

"From what? Holy shit, mom!" May exploded. She could no longer contain herself.

"From the fucking truth!" Her mother exclaimed in the same way. "That I was a fucking coward. And that because of my fucking decisions Joel hasn't even had a chance to... know about you."

"One thing we agree on then, mother. You're a fucking coward!"

A lump formed in Red's throat. Her breath hitched, her heart skipped a beat and her body began to tremble. Tears blurred her vision and she was unable to watch as her daughter angrily left the scene, which she let her know due to the tremendous slamming of the front door of the house, giving her to understand that she had left the house and left her alone, by herself with her regrets.

2005

“Joel.

Honestly, I don't know why I'm writing you this letter. I don't know if you care enough about me to at least write you an explanation, I guess I'm doing it rather for me. By the time you read this I will be gone. I'll probably be far away, maybe I'll never come back, or maybe I will.

I don't know what will become of me and that terrifies me, but at the same time it motivates me to keep going, to keep fighting. Just like you. Even though I haven't known you for very long, you've made a big impact on me. I know that we are very different, I know that many times we have disagreed on many things and that we have clashed, but even so, when I was not up to the task and I have probably been a hindrance to you, you have protected me and taken care of me — always from a distance, except when we both sought comfort in each other's arms —.

I know the last thing you want is to leave another person in your life. It's understandable, especially in a world like this where that means loss. This is one of the reasons why I'm leaving. To avoid jumping over the walls you have built, so that I can respect your boundaries and prevent you from ending up like me. I don't know at what point it happened, but you managed to jump over all my walls. You've been the only person capable of doing it until now and that terrifies me. I'm terrified of losing you. I'm also terrified of staying in Boston and seeing you letting your guard down with someone else, not being that person. I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to risk living in this broken world with an even more broken heart. It's probably already like that.

It already breaks my heart to leave you behind, without saying goodbye, but I know I will heal. I will find something that gives meaning to my life and I will fight on. I hope, too, that when you're ready, you'll find that reason too.

Try to be happy.

I love you.”

2023

"May! May!" Red exclaimed as she pounded on the door of Tommy and Maria's house. "Anybody home? Maria?" She asked as she took a few steps back and peered into the windows of the house, trying to see if there was movement inside.

She looked around the house and tried to see if there was any sign of the young girl with the curly hair anywhere, but there didn't seem to be any luck. She put her hands to her mouth and tried to warm them. She watched as the snow began to fall again, which caused her to go briefly into a small trance.

She remembered May's first snowfall, in the winter of 2005. She was only a few weeks old and they were both alone on the road, trying to find a safe place to spend the night. May had not stopped crying all day, hungry because she was not producing enough milk, as she had barely found food and water the last few days. The little girl's cries kept her mother alert all the time, waiting for an infected to appear and attack them. She could still remember the terror and paranoia in her bones. It wasn't until the snow began to fall that the newborn girl calmed down, watching the snowflakes fall, so that soon after she fell asleep.

"That May you are looking for is not here.”Said a voice that brought her out of her trance.

She walked back to the front door and there she saw a person she didn't recognise, poking her head out from inside. "You are not Maria.” Said the woman with obviousness.

"No. I'm Ellie." Said the young teenager, looking her up and down.

"You are the kid who was with Joel." Red muttered, looking at her intently. She didn't look like him.

Maybe she looked like her mother?

"Do you know him?" Ellie asked as she opened the door all the way and showed her body.

She nodded. "I used to, a long time ago." She replied rubbing her hands together from the cold. "I imagine you and your father came all the way from Boston. I hope the trip wasn't too hard," Red said sincerely, as she gave the teenager a small smile.

"That old man isn't my dad." Ellie laughed at the witticism of the woman standing a few feet away from her. "But- uhm... thanks?" She replied at what the woman had said to her about the trip there.

Reddie nodded her head and gave Ellie another small smile before setting off to find her daughter.

"Wait!" Ellie said to her from the doorway, causing her to turn and look at her curiously. "Why don't you go inside and wait for Maria? She'll be able to help you."

"Thanks, but I can't." She thanked the girl. "Please, when you see Maria or Tommy, can you tell them that if they see May to tell her that her mother is looking for her and to come home?"

The teen nodded her head. "I will." She whispered, in response.

"Thank you so much, Ellie." May's mother told her before turning back on her heels and heading off to find her daughter. "By the way, welcome to Jackson!" Ellie heard her saying from a little further away.

The young girl smiled to herself and watched as the woman disappeared into the distance, closing the door as she felt a cold breeze, but not before wondering how she knew Joel.

[…]

It had been three, almost four hours since May had left home and her mother had not been able to find her. It was as if she had disappeared from town. She had looked everywhere; at her friends' house, at Tommy and Maria's house twice, in the main hall of the village, in the stables... nothing!

She walked silently down the empty main street, not a soul was there. Everyone was gathered around the main hall watching that film of which she couldn't remember the name. Now it was colder than before, the sun had set a while ago and the snow was still falling, although now with less force.

She stopped to look at the Christmas tree and thought of her family, of all those she had lost. She smiled sadly as she wished things were different and that she could be held by her loved ones once more. She wished that the Outbreak had never happened, that nothing was the way it was.

No! Not that!

She shook her head, trying to shake off the thought. Yes, there were things she missed from her life 20 years ago, and there were certainly things she wished she hadn't lived since then. But May? May was a blessing and the best thing that had ever happened to her in her entire earthly existence. She was grateful to have her, and therefore thanked any deity or cosmic force for having put the Miller brothers in her path.

She resumed her walk once again, leaving the Christmas tree behind her. Hopefully her daughter would be there by now and they could talk about everything at length. At the thought, her stomach sank with nerves. But she ignored it.

May deserved to know the truth, she deserved to know everything.

As she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't see that silhouette appear from the side and practically jump out at her, causing her to fall to the snowy ground surprised. But when she heard her daughter's laughter, a huge sense of relief washed over her.

She clung in a hug to her daughter's body, which was lying on top of hers, and then, she too burst out laughing. She looked to her side once her daughter lay on the floor beside her. She sighed and watched intently as the young woman, who was undoubtedly the spitting image of her one-time lover, gazed raptly at the night sky and lights around her.

"I'm so sorry, Mama. For how I behaved with you before." Said the young woman, a mist adorned the words that left her lips.

"I'm sorry too, baby girl. For not telling you the truth before." She apologised too, as she sat down on the floor.

Her daughter mimicked her and sat down as well, took her mother's cold hand in hers and rubbed it gently. "I want to know everything. No more half-truths, okay?"

"Okay." Reddie said as she brushed an unruly curl away from her daughter's face, tucking it behind her ear. She stroked her cheek with her free hand and gave her a small smile. "Fancy a hot chocolate in front of the fireplace... while I tell you all?"

"Sounds great!" May said as she stood up from the floor and offered a hand to her to make it easier for her to get up. "Now get up, you're freezing. You'll catch a cold."

The mother flinched at the almost adult woman's comment. "Since when do you behave as if you were my mother?"

"Since I'm the one who has to pick you up off the floor like you are a little girl?" the young Miller laughed.

"Ha! I love you, too, you nightmare child." Red said carelessly, shaking off the snow on her legs. She looked at her daughter who was suddenly silent. "May?" she asked, noticing that the girl was staring at a spot behind her.

"Mama..." the young girl whispered, looking at her with an expression she couldn't quite make out, only to turn her attention back to what she had previously been staring at, causing her mother to turn and look in that direction as well.

And there he was.

The man she had loved for all those years and had to leave behind. This time he was different from the last time she saw him, obviously, time had passed for him too. His gorgeous curly hair had gone grayer, and so did his beard. But without a doubt he still had almost the same physical constitution as he had had almost 20 years ago.

He was still just as undeniably handsome, though.

"Joel..." she let out in a whisper, which she doubted he would ever hear.

The man looked at her with surprise, as if he had seen a ghost, in a way. He certainly hadn't expected that after all those years he would see her again, let alone there.

Not after convincing himself that he would never see her again.

He looked at her carefully, hoping to somehow rule out that what he was seeing, not far from him, wasn't some kind of trick his mind was playing on him. Then his gaze shifted to the young teenager, who, stunned by the scene before her, shifted her gaze from her mother to the man she had discovered a few hours ago to be her father, repeatedly.

Red took May's hand and the young girl squeezed it, looked down at their hands and then back up at Joel, who was still looking at them. The adult woman bit her lower lip and tried to articulate a word, but was unable to.

Then it was when she saw it in his gaze, which changed from surprise to realization, that something had clicked in his head. It was as if he had found the last missing piece in the puzzle he had been unable to solve all that time.

And what to say. No words were needed. It was in the soft sound of the winter night, in the gentle, cold breeze, that the truth came out.

That truth he had been unaware of, until that precious moment.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x original character #joel miller #fem!reader #ellie williams x platonic!reader #joel and ellie #ellie williams x platonic!oc #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x oc #tommy miller x platonic!reader #oc x reader #lxdyred #angst #fanfiction #reader insert #the last of us #hbo the last of us #tlou spoilers #tlou #tlou fanfiction #spoilers #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #bella ramsey #hbo!joel miller x reader #pedro pascal!joel miller x reader #new people in town #npit

[moreespressoformydepresso]

What are your honest thoughts on all Descendants boys? From both books and movies?

Oehh that’s a good question! I’ll base most of this off of the movies because I remember them more clearly. Sorry this is so late, I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. Let’s see:

Ben: cutie, golden retriever energy, needs to grow a bit more of a spine but as a recovering doormat I vibe with him.

He’s got a good heart, and he’s definitely going places, but I have no idea who decided a 16-year-old should be king. Hilariously, he’s a better king than his dad because he cares about all of his people, not just the “heroes”. But still, he’s 16, let him have his dumbass teenage years. He’s still in his phase of wanting to please everyone and that isn’t gonna lead to the best decision making. You’re king, Ben, you can overrule your girlfriend’s selfish idiotic plan of closing the barrier. Just tell her “the barrier was opened for you to come through too. If those kids aren’t worth the risk, does that mean you aren’t either? Should we throw you back?!” And she’s change her tune real fast. You gotta give some tough love sometimes.

Jay: cool, I wanna know his gym routine, pretty funny but rash, needs Carlos to temper his brand of crazy (love their bromance).

I love the narrative parallels to the movie Aladdin. Jafar thought himself so far above a street rat and now he’s raised his son to be one so he can continue being a con-man. In the movies, Jay is actually a very accurate representation of your upbringing shaping you into who you are. All Jay knows is stealing, he’s never been taught to pay if he doesn’t have to, so to him stealing’s perfectly fine. It’s normal. It’s a lot more subtle than the whole “who doesn’t like being evil” bit, but the core idea is the same: when all you’ve ever known is one perspective, that’s gonna feel like the objective truth because you’ve never had a chance to try a different one.

Carlos De Vil: Best (movie) Boy, my baby, I love him. What a little nerd (affectionate).

He’s a big part of why I willfully ignore the absolute stupidity that is the third movie’s ending. I’m sorry Mal, wtf is wrong with you??? You set your supposed friend’s abuser free for nothing but some empty platitudes and dare suggest you’ve become an empathetic person?!?! In the books, we get a lot more insight into just how horrible of a mother Cruella is, but even in the movies we see he’s had it bad because of how jumpy and nervous he is. Disney is still Disney so we don’t get much of the healing process, but we see how he calms down and adjusts to a normal life over the course of the movies when he’s out of the bad situation, which is pretty good by Disney standards. Cameron Boyce did an amazing job playing him (R.I.P Cameron) and seeing an abuse victim get comfortable within their own skin and getting the happy ending they deserve is always fun.

Harry Hook: Insane (affectionate), most fashionable drama queen ever, absolutely crazy, more than a few screws loose but in the best way possible, he’s hilarious.

So on the surface, Harry’s pretty simple. A dude who’s lost his marbles and flirts with everyone. He probably has some kind of moral compass, since he didn’t rip Mal’s throat out with his hook when she revealed her little stunt in D3, but it fell overboard at some point and couldn’t be found so nobody knows what it is except Harry himself. Also, he has his sane moments, like during that same confrontation in D3 I mentioned before where he says “And you, King Benny... you're probably gonna throw us all back inside.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him sound… not like Harry. It’s sombre and defeated, a little disappointed maybe? Either way it’s really good acting and it implies he can act completely “normal” but he just chooses not to, which makes me like him even more. He’s just a dude living his best life despite the circumstances he was born into.

Gil: adorable, hilarious, kinda clueless but in a good way.

I love characters that have no idea what’s going on half the time but are absolute sweethearts trying their best. He’s like- the opposite of his dad in every way and I’m living for it!

Gaston Jr and Gaston the third: I don’t have much to say on them, let alone separately, so they get a section together.

Honestly? I don’t remember having an opinion of them. They made Evie happy by wresting, which is cool so they get points for that. Seem like they’re trying to out-gentleman each other to win Evie’s heart and since they’re not being creepy assholes about it they are objectively better than their dad. Very much brawl over brains, the two of them, with their constant wrestling reminding me of Carlos and Jay except they’re both the muscle. Kinda cute sibling relationship, even if it’s in a VK-typical villain-flavored way.

Anthony Tremaine: squeeeee, my type is pretty boys who sigh in annoyance at everything, I guess? We only get scraps but I happily cradle them to my chest.

Uhmmm so Anthony’s personality is mostly up for imagination? The only canon information we have is that he’s most likely Anastasia’s only kid (someone on Tumblr pointed out that, in the scene with the wicked step-daughters, he’s referred to only as their cousin, not their brother) and he’s very bored with his cousins’ antics. Given A Twist In Time the potential drama is endless. Every time Anthony’s mentioned we’re reminded he’s pretty and has good style, and I love that for him. Dude lives on an isle of junk and still looks like a supermodel. Lots of room for my own ideas while still remaining within the realm of “could be canon” with just enough base in there that I’m not just creating an OC, and as a writer and artist that’s all I need tbh.

Hadie: cute, deserves better, I need more of him and Mal bonding

Mal’s half-brother, son of Hades, very cool. I like that he’s trying to turn good and having a hard time, because that’s very realistic for someone who grew up not knowing anything other than evil. Descendants 2 tried to tackle it with Mal, but failed miserably. We know Hades sucks as a parent in descendants (neglect is abuse) so that’s not gonna help him.

Dough: Awww he’s so cute with Evie 🥺

No really that’s it. He’s a nerd that gets the girl, has some very funny moments, but honestly most of his character is centered around Evie? And they’re cute together it’s not a bad thing but there isn’t much to analyze. He’s understandably pissed about someone like Chad getting all the girls while using them, but that’s also only ever seen in relation to Evie.

Chad Charming: what a bitch (derogatory), total coward, I hate him but he’s funny.

So I have no issue with characters who conduct themselves terribly (I love Audrey, (fanon) Anthony, Uma, and many others from many fandoms) if, and that’s a massive IF, they have a good reason for it. And I’ll count “because I can and I want to” as a good reason, because by that point you have someone who’s mean and owns it. I can appreciate the self-awareness and usually those characters are very extra so it’s entertaining. If not that, there needs to be a reason they are the way they are. Audrey has the pressure from her grandmother (and the borderline verbal abuse), Uma has the very real grievance of living in squalor on a run-down island full of the worst of humanity because she was born, what does Chad have? He’s spoiled. A spoiled brat. And he goes from that to an overtly whimpering coward with none of the pretense of superiority in any field. His one saving grace is that he’s a massive joke.

Diego De Vil, Clay Clayton, Gonzo, Jace and Harry Badun, Herkie, Aziz, Jonas, Lefou Deux, Li Shang Jr, everyone else I missed: no opinion, because they’re not relevant enough for the writers to give them a personality.

I have nothing I’m sorry. I barely remember reading their names and I don’t remember anything from the scenes they’re (mentioned) in to get an idea of what to talk about here.

That was… a lot lmao

#disney descendants #descendants #descendants anthony #descendants jay #carlos de vil #descendants carlos #descendants ben #descendants chad #chad charming #descendants gil #gil descendants #harry hook #descendants harry hook #hadie descendants #gaston jr #gaston the third #anthony tremaine #character analysis #?? i guess

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ The Boxers Fears ☆

Enough with the silly, this is a anti silly zone (for this post only) i hc them to have more than these but im putting the most prominent ones here, please feel free to correct me if i got anything wrong

i may be projecting a little here teehee

TW FOR: Blood, violence, emetophobia, mentions of abuse

Glass Joe

trichophobia (fear of loose hair) thanatophobia (fear of death) & athazagoraphobia (fear of being forgotten)

His trichophobia is naturally occuring, loose hair just makes his stomach turn, hes a neat freak because of that

His thanatophobia is also really normal, especially for someone who has come close to death many times thanks to him getting wrecked on the daily

His athazagoraphobia is from a sad childhood memory of his, his mom left him on the street as a teenager for a while because he was angry at her for not respecting his boundaries, he ended up almost dying from thirst & has never contacted his mom ever since

Von Kaiser

Glossophobia (fear of public speaking), Atelophobia (fear of imperfection) and Chronophobia (fear of time passing)

His glossophobia is pretty normal since hes socially awkward and crowds scare him a little

His Atelophobia stems from his childhood, he basically lived on academic validation & any sort of praise he got at work

His Chronophobia just...popped up in his head one day, he was trying to sleep when the thought of not being able to take any mistakes he had done back hit him like a train, it effects him really severely, causing him to overthink everything and then get more stressed about the fact that hes wasting time overthinking when he could right all the wrongs he did and it just turns into a loop.

Disco Kid

taphophobia (fear of being buried alive), claustrophobia (fear of tight spaces) and Ophidiophobia (fear of snakes)

His taphophobia comes from a nightmare he had as a child, it happened after a funeral too so it hit him hard and he couldnt sleep for a few days.

His claustrophobia is also from his taphophobia, hes just scared of being squashed to death.

His Ophidiophobia started to begin after one of his friends got hospitalized from a snake bite & got severely traumatized from it.

King Hippo

Thalassophobia (fear of drowning), megalophobia (fear of large objects) and Gerascophobia (fear of growing old)

His thalassophobia is mainly caused by all the tales of people he heard drowning back in hippo island if they went too far into the deep end, he knows it would take a lot for him to sink but it still freaks him out

His megalophobia is caused by the time a entire brick wall fell down on him, it was ridiculously tall too so it stuck with him for a eternity and still effects him.

His Gerascophobia came to him when he was with his Father while he was on his death bed, his dad tried to keep him calm as he died by talking about growing old, it didnt work on him, at all.

Piston Hondo

Atychiphobia (the fear of failure/rejection), Mazeophobia (fear of being lost)

His atychiphobia was with him (and still is) for a huge chunk of his life, he loved to talk about the things he had & had "weird" interests, due to this he got bullied and he decided to just stop talking about the things he likes due to that.

His Mazeophobia is pretty recent due to him going hiking with bear hugger & losing him, he was pretty much scared for his life because he didnt wanna die in the woods alone.

Great Tiger

Phasmophobia (fear of ghosts), aichmophobia (fear of sharp things) & pediophobia (fear of dolls)

He grew up with a lot of ghost stories & tons of urban legends so his phasmophobia was with him as soon as he could speak

His aichmophobia comes from a "prank" his "friends" did to him during a sleepover while he was trying to sleep, their bright idea was to tear a hole on the door with an axe to freak him out (how funny, right?), he thought they would break in so he held the door, long story short an axe literally went through his hand and hes out for blood now.

His pediophobia is from a old friend of his who had a lot of dolls & had a HUGE crush on tiger, she once gave him a handmade doll of him and he discovered his & her hair and blood along with teeth in it, anytime he sees a doll he gets nauseous because she left a impact on him. (are you seeing a pattern here?)

Don Flamenco

autophobia (fear of being alone), Entomophobia (fear of insects) and monatophobia (fear of dying alone)

His fear of being alone is getting better suprisingly, it originally stemmed from his dad abandoning him at a beach "to teach him a lesson" for a few hours. (holy fucking shit)

His Entomophobia just popped up one day, hes just naturally repulsed from bugs

And his monatophobia also came from the beach incident since he had a heat stroke along with it.

Bear Hugger

Tomophobia (fear of surgery) and the fear of being crushed to death (i couldnt find a official name for it)

His tomophobia is mostly prominent thanks to his families history with sketchy doctors & surgeries done im the worst way possible, he kept hearing tales of people dying from surgeries and that literally drove him mad

His fear of being crushed to death is mostly obvious when hes chopping down trees, especially tall ones, if it leans his way even a inch he'll change positions to make sure he doesnt become a human pancake™

Aran Ryan

Bathophobia (fear of deep holes), emetophobia (fear of vomitting)

His emetophobia is self explanatory, throwing up just disgusts him & leaves him feeling awful.

His bathophobia is from his teenage years where he fell into a well & proceeded to lie there for days until he got discovered by his dad, he refuses to go near deep holes and will hold onto anyone or anything near him if he has to go near one.

Soda Popinski

Methyphobia (fear of alcohol/getting drunk) & scopophobia (fear of being stared at)

Since he used to be a former alcoholic, his methyphobia becomes really visible at any events that have alcohol, he doesnt wanna go back to those times so he avoids it as much as possible

His scopophobia is from his teenage years where his alcoholism was developing, he kept being judged by people thanks to his alcoholism, whenever he walked into a place he would be known as the "alcoholic" of the room

Bald Bull

Trypanophobia (fear of needles), Hemophobia (fear of blood) Pungophobia (fear of being stabbed)

His Trypanophobia was basically with him all his life, he does his best to hide it away since he thinks its "childish"

His Hemophobia started after a nasty fight, he couldnt handle seeing that much blood all at once & passed out

His Pungophobia is also from said nasty fight, he got stabbed in the stomach when he was a teen & pretty much almost died

Super Macho Man

nyctophobia (fear of the dark), Ornithophobia (fear of birds

His nyctophobia is pretty normal since it was with him through out all his childhood.

His Ophidiophobia started after he almost had a eye pecked out by a seagull.

Mr Sandman

dystychiphobia (fear of accidents) & Catagelophobia (fear of being ridiculed)

His dystychiphobia stems from a car crash he got into when he was 14, nothing really bad happened thankfully but hes still working on not being scared of accidents

His Catagelophobia is very recent & shined bright after his TD match with mac, he didnt go out for a few days after that

#emetophobia tw #Violence tw #mention of abuse #mention of death #mention of alcohol #punch out wii #headcanon #punch out #don flamenco #bald bull #punch out headcanons #piston hondo #glass joe #aran ryan #great tiger #von kaiser #disco kid #super macho man #mr sandman #(Chucks this post through your window)

[apomaro-mellow]

Part 3 of Steve Disappearing

Brittney was feeling less good about this as the night went on. There was no way Mr. Eddie was gonna let her babysit again if he found out about this. He was one of the least strict parents she knew, but even he would’ve drawn the line at this. Driving a bunch of kids under cover of darkness to Hawkins seemed like a good idea at the time though. That is until Lucy revealed she didn’t know exactly where to look. Or what they were even looking for.

“Why don’t we go to the sites of the murders?”, Noah suggested.

Brittney slammed on the brakes. “Murders?! That’s what we’re doing here?! I thought we were gonna, I don’t know, go somewhere important to you and your dad.”

“Important....let’s go to the high school!”

Brittney let out a breath. She had been reading books on teenage development (never mind that she was still waist-deep in her youth) so she felt that she should guide Lucy even in her misguided actions. And her dad was all rock and roll and down with authority, so he’d understand if they broke into a school in another town, right?

“The school records would have info on gang activity with students, right? Even if it was just regular fighting, that sort of stuff goes on your permanent record”, Lucy said.

Ashley looked up at the intimidating walls of the school. “This is gonna go on our permanent record if we get caught.”

“Actually, we’ll just go to jail”, Noah said.

“No, you’ll go to juvie, I’ll go to jail”, Brittney said. “So let’s be stealthy, look at those records, and be outta here.”

Lucy was prepared to look for a window to sneak in through, or perhaps try getting in through the roof, when she heard the creak of a door. Somehow, the gym had been left open. What luck!

“Guys, let’s go!”

Not waiting for an answer, she raced for the door, only for it to shut right behind her. There was a bit of light from the windows, but she took out her flashlight too.

“Guys?”, she pointed it towards the door.

She felt a chill creep up her spine and she looked around. It was a normal gym. Just a basketball court and some bleachers. But these places always seemed creepier at night. Lucy wondered if her dads stared down gang rivals here. Then it got so cold she could see her breath. And then it seemed as though that mist was filling the room. And then it turned to black smoke. Lucy rubbed her eyes. It was past her bedtime but there was no way she was this tired.

Then the smoke began to form a figure, first unrecognizable, and then slowly it turned more familiar. From the smoke emerged her father, Steve.

“Dad?”, she gasped. Lucy was in such shock, she didn’t hear the door slam open. “Dad!”, she started to run towards his outstretched arms but someone held her back. “Wha?”

“That’s not your father”, an old woman said.

“Lucy”, Steve called. And it was his voice but also not only his voice but Lucy didn’t know what that meant.

“We’re not falling for your tricks.” Lucy turned her head at the new voice and this one was an old man who seemed like someone she knew but couldn’t completely recall. And he had a gun aimed at her dad.

Steve tilted his head. “I’ve never tricked anyone. I have only ever spoken the truth.” He looked to Lucy. “I am not your father. But I have made him better.”

A bullet went into his shoulder, but it flew through in a haze of black smoke. Like he wasn’t even there.

“You can’t stop me anymore. Not when I have everything that I need now.” And then he melted back into the darkness. Lucy was scared and confused and tired and overwhelmed and it finally all hit her as she fell to her knees and cried out for her dad.

Heavy footsteps pounded the floor.

“Lucy!!” Suddenly she was being scooped up in a familiar embrace as she sobbed. She thought she’d been getting too big to be carried like this but Eddie held her no problem, like she would always fit perfectly in his arms.

“Joyce, chief, thank you so much.”

“I haven’t been chief in years, kid.”

“And he hasn’t been a kid in years”, Joyce said. “You know I take Code Reds seriously.”

Eddie was stroking her hair as he tried to calm her. He had only come in the moment Lucy broke down in tears. He’d have to get the whole story later. Because from their reactions and the tension in the room and the unseasonable coldness of the room, it could only mean one thing. The Upside Down was back.

Eddie sends Brittney and the other kids back. The least involved the better. But he takes up Joyce’s offer to go to her and Hopper’s place for the night. He needs to tell Lucy everything. Now. So he gets started on the ride over, holding her hand as he follows Joyce’s car. Tells her how he was indeed accused of murder when it turned out to be an otherworldly demon doing it. And how that demon was of a realm that Steve had been fighting against years before.

“So...you guys weren’t in a gang?”

Despite the ice that had been in his gut, he chuckles. “Not officially, hon.”

He tells her how they narrowly thwarted Vecna back in 86. He tells her how back when she was nine years old, El and Will both felt something going on and they thought they had to fight one last time. They got to the house and the story paused as they got set up. Joyce made them some tea and told them to help themselves to the leftovers and Eddie continued.

“Your dad, El the Hero, and Will the Wise, all went down there for a final showdown.”

“This has to be the end of it”, El said.

Everyone nodded in agreement. That much was certain. Even if they couldn’t destroy the Upside Down, they could cut it off from their world for good.

“That means we’ve gotta be firm on this”, Steve said. “When we finish this, we get out, no dilly-dallying. And close the gate once and for all.”

“No dilly-dallying? Are we talking about a demon dimension or a trip to Disney?”, Robin teased.

“Steve’s right though”, Mike said. “Whoever goes down needs to be quick. We can’t afford to go slow.”

“And it can’t be too many of us”, Nancy added.

“So who goes?”, Lucas asked.

After many hours of figuring out just who would be taking the dive again (arguing, debating, pleading) the team was decided. The stakes were known, but Eddie had no idea what he could stand to lose until Steve pulled him aside.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen down there. I mean with those two it could be a piece of cake”, Steve said, gesturing to the Wonder Twins. “But anything’s possible.”

“What’re you getting at?”, Eddie asked.

“No matter what happens, once the gate is closed, it needs to stay closed.”

Eddie gave him a look like that was obvious. And then Steve leveled him with a stare of his own and Eddie understood, not that he liked it.

“Steve...”

“I’m not saying it could happen. Just, if it does, if for some reason I don’t make it out, don’t keep the gate open. Don’t open it again. Don’t come looking for me.”

Eddie’s eyes began to glisten, hypotheticals be damned because he knew there was always, always a chance it could happen.

“How can you ask that of me?”

“Because you’re the only one they’ll listen to if it comes to this. Husband rights and all.”

“What about Lucy?”

“Hey, I’m doing everything in my power to come back. But someone’s gotta think of worst case scenarios.”

“So dad’s been stuck in that place since then?”, Lucy asked, having eaten just a couple of bites of her food during Eddie’s story.

Eddie ran a hand through his hair. “Well, the thing is, if he was, El would’ve been able to find him. But she never could. From what Joyce and Hopper told me, you saw Vecna using an illusion of his body as a mouthpiece. Vecna can conjure up visions. But him having you father’s physical body...and somehow...cloaking his entire being so he can’t be found would explain the disappearance. The question now is why did he do that, besides for his survival, and why did he reveal himself now...”

Then Eddie looked to her barely touched plate and his own uneaten food and sighed. “We can figure it out later. Let’s get to bed.”

Tagged

@captain-winter-wolf-aehs

#gonna be honest i imagined the reveal scenes like 10 different ways #im still not sure if im satisfied #but that's what fics are for #maybe in the coming months ill write alternate versions #apo writes #stranger things #steddie #fanfiction #also is this the longest part? #this might be the longest one #i was gonna cut it off with eddie getting there #but i wanted him to finally tell her #captain-winter-wolf-aehs

[jmrothwell]

Oooh I got Vampire Slayer AU + Family AU xD

 No lie, I read this and my immediate thought was Buffy?? But let’s see if we can do something a little different. 

Also, this got kinda long so I have put it below the cut:

So instead of the Slayer being a random chosen one from anywhere in the world it’s a bloodline thing. Sort of…like the potential is in the bloodline but not every member gets to be a Slayer, the previous Slayer has to pass the mantle down. 

Rose was the prior slayer, however things had significantly slowed down since her grandmother and great great grandmother had the mantles. Victoria and her parents insisted it was because the Slayers were winning (There a few dozen slayer families around the world) and that Rose should live her life. 

Rose tries, she really does but she can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. She starts working at nightclubs and bars to try and get a casual peak into the nightlife and she does hear some interesting rumors and urban legends but they all turn out to be that, urban legends. 

She meets Ray and they begin dating and eventually he manages to convince her she should focus on living. It doesn’t help that she’s witnessed some deaths that aren’t paranormally related and it sort of cements everything everyone has been telling her. Life is too short, and it will pass her by entirely if she isn’t careful. She and Ray settle down and they have Julie and Carlos and Rose wonders if since the world has gotten safer if she should just let the mantle die with her. 

Cut to (or open here and we learn all of that as back story later, not sure yet) 17 year old Julie is dealing with the recent sudden death of her mother, just like the rest of her family. It’s become this massively speculated rumor mill of an incident. She fell off a building at a height that should have killed her instantly but it didn’t, it was a slow and agonizing night for her and her family. Many speculate she was attempting suicide. Rose insists she was not, insisting she was thrown and that they were all wrong, it’s so much worse than they realized. 

Julie doesn’t know what to believe in the months leading up to her Mother’s death her mother had turned into an entirely different person. Even got into some fights with Victoria and her Dad. 

Mostly Julie just wishes the incident would stop haunting her dreams. Tired and guilty for feeling tired of hearing her mother’s final words repeating over and over. “I’m sorry Julie, I should have prepared you better. You deserve better and I hope you can do what I couldn’t.”

It’s not even been a month since the funeral, Julie hasn’t even has time to process all of her grief when one night she’s home alone and she hears rummaging in the garage. She knows what she should do, the sensible thing, duck her head, get inside, don't mess with the things that go bump in the night. Even if she’s sure it’s just a stray cat or raccoon.  It’s her entire thought process even as her feet move of their own accord. 

Inside she finds three boys and during hers (and theirs panicked screaming) she instinctively grabs one of them and rather sloppily gets him pinned to the ground. It’s Reggie, after the initial panicking dies down and while Julie tries to process what the hell she just did he tries a cheesy line about their positions. 

This immediately knocks Julie back to the fact that she’s found three strange teenage boys in her garage and demands to know who they are and what they’re doing. They introduce themselves as Luke, Reggie, and Alex and say they were looking for Rose. Which just angers Julie thinking of course they have to be trying to prank her because who hasn’t heard about what happened to her mom by this point. 

The guys genuinely didn’t know. They’re kind of cut off from many news sources at the moment. 

It takes a bit of back and forth before Alex straight up just asks if that makes Julie the new Slayer now. Julie is confused and doesn’t know who to be mad or upset with anymore as they finish telling her about how her mom was one of the last remaining Slayers, as many other Slayer families had allowed themselves to die out in the extended time of peace. 

The guys (who refuse to tell Julie how they know everything they are telling her) say it’s all one big plot led by a vampire who gained a lot of power in the late 1920’s. (Again, not sure of this would be revealed up front or discovered through the story)

Julie decides they are pranking her, and tells them to leave her alone. Her dreams only get weirder from here on out. 

The next day at school she tells Flynn all about it. Flynn does some digging on her own during school, while Julie has the world’s weirdest school day (think all the stereotypical I’ve got powers now type scenes only Julie is in major denial) By the end of the school day Flynn is fully convinced Julie is this Slayer figure and Julie just wants to drop out of school and sleep for a year straight. 

Though Julie does get incredibly intrigued by the fact that one of the pieces of evidence Flynn found was a series of missing persons reports throughout the years. Particularly the article about a band from the 90’s named Sunset Curve. 

After school as Julie gets home she can see that all the garage windows have been boarded up and goes to confront the guys. Who all of course panic when she throws the garage doors open. They admit they’re vampires, but don’t know why or how their turning got botched, but they know it did because they do not act like a good 90% of the other vampires they know. 

They managed to evade Caleb and had been getting updates from their friend Willie who went missing. Worried and more than a little desperate they turned to Rose for help. Which just immediately sours their relationship with Julie more because now she has someone to blame for her mother’s death. 

The guys help defend Julie as she now has a giant target on her back as an untrained Slayer. Still a dangerous threat but one Caleb thinks he can take out. Flynn thinks Julie should talk to her dad or Aunt about it but Julie doesn’t want to cause her Dad more grief and is kind of mad at both of them for keeping something like this from her. 

Flynn, Julie and the guys, slowly learn the whole Slayer thing together. Albeit begrudgingly on Julie’s part especially as far as the guys are concerned but there is no denying they make a good team and seems to be their way of trying to make amends. 

Eventually Julie does confront her family about things. Mostly because, thanks to Carlos, the rest of her family discover her Slayer thing and try to get upset with her first about not telling them. Which of course leads to a huge fight about them keeping it from her in the first place. 

Victoria and Ray absolutely do not like the fact Julie has teamed up with a trio of vampires. But Ray quickly changes his mind when the three start helping out around the house. Victoria also trains Julie what she remembers from her training with Rose when they were younger, she may not have been the one chosen for the mantle but that didn’t mean she didn’t need the training. 

It all builds up to a showdown with Caleb, who initially tries to just do the vampiric seduce Julie to be a vampire thing. But then he makes the mistake of letting it slip that he was the one who killed Rose and Julie sees red. Just before she manages to kill him Caleb drops the “you kill me then your friends are going to die too” which does cause Julie to hesitate for a bit but she does what she knows must be done for ‘the greater good’ and kills Caleb.

In the aftermath of that, and the vampires Caleb sired dying as well, the world a whole have to recover from the sheer number of people who’d actually been vampires hiding in plain sight. 

Fortunately for Julie and the guys(including Willie) Caleb wasn’t the one who turned them. Unfortunately that does leave them all to contemplate what it is they should do. In the meantime, they all just let themselves enjoy life for a bit.

#Writing Game #AUs are awesome

[suratan-zir]

Remember I shifted the responsibility to you? Y'all got me into trouble.

this is yet another post about rats, I'm sorry

About a week ago, I was feeling exceptionally anxious and overall unwell, so I did what I typically do to make things even worse. I looked through the rat ads online and found what I was looking for. In a city next to my town, a classic case of a rat in a tiny prison cell. Most likely bought for a child who got bored of it, either because it's not as cute anymore, its claws are too sharp, it smells bad or whatever the reason is. I've rescued quite a few of such unfortunate rats in the past. My most beloved rat of all times, Bambook, the little guy on my user icon, once was rescued from these conditions:

(yes, I keep the old screenshots because I'm sentimental like that)

So when I saw this post, my brain went like "this will be Bambook number two, same age, same conditions, even at the same price! I'll save him, love him and finally, after over a year of grieving, will let Bambook go"

(mind you, this rat is only 4-5 months old, very skinny and weighs 300 grams. Adult males can weight from 600 to 700 grams on average. Yet in this cage he looks big because of how small it is)

I went to that city, two teenage girls, who were looking kinda scared for some reason, handed me this tiny boy. I was asked to bring "a box or something" because "the cage is sold separately". I brought a carrier that was probably bigger than the torture devise they call a "cage".

I could barely talk to them, they started almost running away immediately after handing me the rat. Initially I didn't think much of it, I'm sort of used to people being scared of me. I'm told that I have a weird gloomy, unfriendly look on my face. But they probably wanted to get rid of him before I notice...

On the way home the rat was sweet and gentle, licking my hands and enjoying being petted. But when we got home…oh boy. I always knew that male rats can exhibit hormonal aggression, especially at the age of 6-8 months. But in the years of keeping rats, I never ever encountered such aggression towards humans. Guess I was just lucky.

At first he's cute and cuddly, calm even, then something switches inside his brain and in an instant he goes into killing mode. He attacks not only hands, he bites even knees and thighs, basically every body part he can reach. Then he calms down and demands pets again. He not only bites, but thinks I'm his bitch. After what he did to my hands and knees, they might be pregnant… The girls mentioned that he lived with another rat before they moved him to that cage. I assume it was a female and he mated with her, which made him even more hormonal.

So, everyone, meet Skritch. He went to horny jail and they stole his balls.

Also, the photo where he's stoned is the best photo I have of him, because he won't stop moving.

Skritch is smart, sweet and very friendly whenever he's not attacking me.

He was neutered only yesterday, so it is too early to judge the changes in his behavior. But he no longer bites my hand in the cage, even when we wrestle, which is a huge improvement. But unfortunately, he still didn't pass the couch test. (couch is the place where he gets most aggressive, probably because of the smells of other rats)

He attacked me only once today, the result you can see on the video, it's not nearly as bad as his bites were before. And after that, as always, he acted all innocent and affectionate and fell asleep by my side.

I already love him so much, even if he's a menace. But I am so not looking forward to introducing him to my other boys. Something tells me it's not gonna be easy.

#Skritch the rat #my rats #personal

[mizoosis]

みんな… おやすみなさい🖤 This is a few days late, but happy second anniversary OMORI! I posted this on Twitter and of course can’t write much, so I'll do the honors here.

TW for talk of mental health, hospitals and self harm. Please move from this post if you are uncomfortable with such topics, for your own sake. Thank you❤

I discovered OMORI in 2014. I saw that little trailer in my recommended as a kid and watched it. I got super inspired by it, but never did much else. 2018 rolled by and I found out about the Kickstarter. I couldn't back it up because y’know, I'm a broke teenager, but I still tried to follow its development until I just lost interest. It's now early 2021. My friends are talking about OMORI and begging me to play or watch it. I eventually caved in and didn't expect anything special. Boy was I wrong. I came into the game completely blind, and experienced everything raw. - The first ending I got was the 'true ending', where Sunny and Basil accept their actions and trauma. I cried so much near the end, especially during the Final Duet (but I'm sure that got most people). I had expected a cheesy rpgmaker horror game but instead I got an experience I will never forget. It's themes stuck with me. I hadn't played a game like it before. A game that accurately represents mental illness, trauma and anxiety. I have been suffering from depression basically since the fourth grade. A lot of bad things happened in my life and I was becoming aware of it. I started to feel down and hopeless, often resorting to sleeping all day, drawing and slipping into my own imagination and disassociating. - I soon realized that this wasn't working, and only felt worse. I'd say around fifth grade was when I started to hurt myself. And I couldn't stop. I slowly fell deeper into my depression as I eventually came to terms with the fact I was a transgender person. The first time I tried ending my life was only a few years ago. That led me to be forced to out myself to my family, which thankfully went well and they pledged to help me transition, which they still do to this day. - Despite being able to transition, I still felt like things were missing. I still felt depressed. I realized that I was suppressing my trauma from years prior to the point of forgetting it. And once I was reminded of it, I spiraled further. That leads to early 2022. I was close to ending my life. I was very close to death. But it failed. I gave up and decided to reach out for help. The day after reaching out I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I would go to two hospitals in the span of almost six months. Those months were some of the worst of my life. But somehow I grew as a person. And as time went on, I improved despite the challenges I faced while inpatient. My head became clearer. Because not only was I taking medication and therapy, but I thought of Sunny. - Yes it's kind of silly that I was inspired by a fictional character but Sunny's recovery and journey through his mental health and trauma pushed me to keep going. And ironically, I eventually met someone there named Sunny who also liked OMORI. We became really close and I think about them often. They were the only person from that horrible hospital that had a positive effect on me. In August of 2022, I was finally released. Shortly after my discharge my family moved across the country at short notice. I once again became depressed, having to leave my old friends and life behind, but I realized by moving, I can start anew. And that's what I've been doing ever since. I'm the happiest I've ever been and I'm about to turn eighteen in a week as of writing this. I never thought I would live to adulthood. - As cheesy as it is, if I never found OMORI I probably wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have been encouraged to get help sooner. I would most likely already have killed myself or ended up in the hospital for hurting myself. As harsh as that is, it is sort of true. This seemingly silly game about a boy dreaming up adventures with his friends has changed my life completely. I'm grateful for the OMOCAT team for working on this game and putting so much love into it. And I love a majority of the community as well. I have met so many kind and creative people through Discord and Twitter. Why am I opening about this on the internet then? I want to show that things do get better. No matter how old you are, no matter how bad things are either. - I used to think I would never make it anywhere but here I am, I have amazing friends, I'm working on passion projects with others and I draw all the time and enjoy it. My drive has improved because of this game. I don't know what I would have done without it. This game means so much to me and so many other people. I can't believe its been two years since it released already. I'm hoping to continue to love it for more years to come. Thanks so much to OMORI and the fandom that loves it so much.

#omori #omori game #omori fanart #omori fandom #omori sunny #omori mari #omori aubrey #omori hero #omori kel #omori second anniversary #mental health #personal vent #vent post #vent tag #artists on tumblr #digital art #art #fanart

[deus-and-the-machina]

Ranking the Xenoblade Games based on how straight they are

this is a mix of legitimate grievances about the writing and just goofing around. starting at least straight to most. Also not including X sorry I havent played it.

1. Xenoblade 2

Most of the romance in this game is light due to it being a sort of cute puppy love. Nothing actually happens between the characters and it’s mostly contained to the main characters with most side characters being free from clumsy straight love plots. There’s a couple of blushy scenes between Pyra/Mythra and Rex but most of their serious/emotional interactions are genuine and honest and don’t really get into romance or some hidden feelings they need to confess to. Even Nia’s confession is more of something for herself and she never really changes bc she’s in love or focuses on it that much. 

Beyond the main characters, sheba exists, jin and lora can be considered one sided at least romantically (she’s the one to make flirty comments in Torna and he always responds along the lines of ???) and he’s explicitly not motivated by her death, while it did obviously impact him it’s something he’d accepted and used as fuel for his ultimate goal. and of course there’s Malos, who’s own voice actor was like “cmon he was in love with Jin”. Morag and Brighid also exist. There’s even some old man furry yaoi implications with gramps and azurda in that one scene??? ngl its kind of cute. 

2. Xenoblade 3

Got a lot of points in the heteronormative category here. The main characters are paired up in m/f duos, but while 2/3 of them are romantically coded, Sena and Lanz aren’t really and Sena’s most focused relationship is probably Mio. To the game’s credit, it also doesn’t restrict them to these pairs and lets the whole group interact and have friendships and dynamics outside of the shippy ones. 

An emphasis is put on the true nature of humanity being to fall in love and have kids, but considering the context of the scene only certain parts of it really make me go “mmmmmm”. these characters are test tube babies who have never seen a real human baby and so it’s wholesome and understandable, but Monica’s wording about specifically couples later does lean towards heteronormative “everyone must grow up and have a kid.” Considering she canonically had a teenage pregnancy though and her baby daddy clearly isn’t around I expect she’s very shaped by that experience though. 

After that scene we don’t see a ton of heteronormative sentiment from city members (Ghondor, Shania, and Masha dont have any romantic sentiments, grey and rozana dont have kids and have a rather atypical but trusting relationship in general) and the focus on legacy and family is shown to have its toxic sides with Shania’s mom (who is also just. no 1 messed up lesbian in my heart).

Mio and Noah do start to have their characters focus more on romance and have their whole doomed soulmates shtick but I feel like they’re still given focus as individual characters in the main story post that revelation so I kind of forgive it, and the unhealthiest possible manifestation of their relationship is one of the main villains so. Also ngl they’re just cute, so I’m a bit biased here. I get if you’re groaning at the game pushing the main straight couple hard but at least they don’t suddenly lose all their personality when it happened. 

3. Xenoblade 1

Hoo boy. There’s just a lot of it in this game. Ngl it took me a while to properly get into Xenoblade bc while I liked the first game overall, it also just had some things that rubbed me the wrong way and 2′s general reputation didn’t make it seem much better (then I played it and fell in love and retroactively appreciate 1 more but yeah) and one of those things was how the game very quickly fridged the only female character as a love interest. Yaaaaay. 

Like yes she comes back later but at the time I was just kinda like. oh. ok then :/ and even when Fiora comes back, she’s super Shulk focused. Girl, you’ve been kidnapped and forcibly made into a cyborg and house a god who was walking around in your body but ig you’re mostly thinking about how your bf would feel. seriously when she’s fucking DYING her main concern is that Shulk doesn’t find out. like ok. Even her interactions with melia have that whole love triangle hanging over them as subtext. I greatly appreciate they didn’t got he jealousy angle and had Fiora genuinely want to reach out and be friends, but it does definitely feel like shulk is a matter constantly lingering whenever they talk.

And poor Sharla man. Seconds into meeting reyn she’s comparing him to her missing fiancé, despite still feeling he’s alive and wanting to find him. The game gives every hint that Gadolt may still be alive and rescuable, Meyneth even says smth like “I can feel this Homs still there” but not only does he die, he basically says “take care of her” to reyn like BOY you don’t know this man??? why would you say your last words to him and not your fiancé like ok. It felt like they wanted to make it “ok” for them to get together by killing him off and having him say that, even though everything until then had hinted with a hopeful tone that he could still be saved.

Ngl Melia’s unrequited love isn’t that bad but it does feel unnecessary considering how much she already suffers. Like you just really gotta rub it in huh. The fandom is wayyy worse about it than the game though, because canonically she moves on and is still surrounded by her friends and subjects and whatnot and doesn’t become some bitter scorned lover, but the fandom constantly jokes about it/acts like she is.

also some of the alt outfits, esp Sharla and Fiora’s are just...very obnoxious sexy fantasy armor. esp for flora when most of her body is supposed to be replaced with mechon parts but ig her tits were miraculously intact. They both deserve better writing ngl.

#xenoblade #godbles alvis for being in 1 I needed some homoerotic tension after all the friction. 3 was even so nice as to give melia a catgirl gf :) #I didnt go into nia but she's honestly got a lot of scenes that could be interpreted as her being wlw in addition to the canon polycule #so cheers to that. didnt wanna get into The Photo tm tho since thats not teeeechnically 2 and I was ranking each game individually #xenoblade chronicles

[dracomysthical]

ok if i’m being honest i think one thing that could have made leo and calypso’s arc better is if they just. became friends. no romantic feelings and whatnot, just encountered and accepted each other as friends.

i’ve personally fallen off the caleo boat myself, because. well. that's another post entirely. but i also don’t think calypso and/or leo deserve to be treated like idiots for or even villains sometimes for meeting and connecting with each other. so, while i don’t think their romance worked, i legitimately think their arc would have made much more sense and told a much better message if they ended up becoming deeply emotional and connected friends instead.

leo has been struggling with being the seventh wheel amongst a ship filled with three couples and one satyr who misses his wife, which is seriously a severe emotional toll on a young teenager who copes with his crippling fear of losing the ones he loves with humor, and it makes complete sense for him to feel like he needs a romantic partner just to feel less alone. similarly, but on the opposite end, calypso has been so lonely she becomes desperate to form a romantic connection with anyone she meets. they’re both figures who think that having a romantic partner is what would make their life more fulfilling. which is definitely not what would actually make their life more fulfilling.

so i think for their arc to make sense, their story need to be a tale of self-actualization instead of a romance. it starts off the same: leo crashes onto the island, he isn’t calypso’s type at all, and leo is deeply offended by calypso’s severe reaction towards him. they swore off the idea they would fall in love, romantically, with each other… except this time, they commit.

they still warm up to each other. leo tries to get off the island, and calypso scoffs. calypso makes him clothes, he fixes her bird bath. calypso still gets angry over the image of reyna, except this time when Leo asks her why she’s even mad, she realizes she doesn’t know why she’s jealous. she doesn’t like leo; he’s not her type, he’s just odd and kind, and she doesn’t like him. sure, she definitely feels desperate for any sort of romantic attachment and he's the only other person on the island, but he's so. annoying. and he definitely doesn’t like her! so does she really need to be jealous? what has being jealous ever done for her? and... what has she done in the name of this jealousy? for the first time in so many centuries, calypso starts to realize that everything she did in an effort to assuage her immense loneliness have never helped at all.

and leo wants to apologize, obviously, maybe even get to know her, and some of his thoughts are straying towards romance… but is that really what he wants? he already might be facing imminent death, does he really want to deal with a romance on top of that? she’s cool, and gorgeous, obviously, but he… just met her. it makes sense that he's attracted to her, but is it worth it? he crashed onto her island like a wrecking ball, and seriously, he barely knows her. and isn’t she, like, centuries old or something? how does that even work? does he want it to work?

and it all comes together when they’re eating dinner together one night and leo mentions percy off-handedly and calypso bursts into tears. she confesses she’s angry, she’s so so angry that so many people came and left, that the gods gave her this punishment, that this punishment has transformed her into something she never wanted to become: she thought she loved percy, and yet she went and cursed his girlfriend the moment she got a chance. (could leo blame her for a promise percy didn't keep?) how could she have done that if she really did love him?

and that's how she realizes she doesn't. she's lonely, and tormented, and tortured by the gods to never have companionship. most likely she never fell in love with any of those heroes, only with what it could have been, with the freedom and reprieve they represented.

leo listens wordlessly, and he thinks about his own predicament. it's similar, he realizes. he's desperate to not be lonely, to not be left out. in doing so, he might take anything that comes and try to make something out of it - but would it really mean anything when it's just a means to a purpose? when it's done not because of love, but because he just wants to not be alone?

he's shaken out of his thoughts when calypso thanks him. surprised, he asks her why. she looks at him with a shaky smile and says she's glad the gods gave her someone she didn't fall in love with. because even though she doesn't like leo romantically, he still gave her just as much comfort as all the others. and beyond that, he helped her realize more about herself, and what she really needs.

leo stares at her tear-stricken face under the starlight, and tells her he's going to get her off the island.

she sighs and shakes her head, but he leans over and says he means it. he wants her to know she doesn't need someone to fall in love with her to come and rescue her; he's going to do it regardless. he's going to prove to her that what she needs isn't love, it's for someone who cares. and despite everything, leo has begun to care for calypso. and he wants her off this island.

she doesn't really believe him, and she lets him know. but she takes his hand and squeezes it, and she smiles again.

leo builds his navigation device. he takes a crystal from her cave. one night, he catches her standing outside with her eyes closed and face twisted in concentration, and before he could ask what she's doing a ship blooms into form at the beach.

when she opens her eyes, leo asks who she was thinking of. she looks at him, smiles, and tells him she thought of her one true love: flying over the ocean with ogygia shrinking behind her.

events play out, a prophecy is fulfilled, and the hero of fire dies. but he comes back to life on a dragon, and when he lands on the beach of an island no one is supposed to find twice one of his best friends in the world from a chance meeting that was coming for centuries is running towards him before flinging herself into his arms. they fall down on the sand, laughing, before he pulls her up, jabbering on about all the things he's going to show her that she's just going to love, and she can't stop smiling at the world he's describing.

it's not all sunshine and rainbows, of course. the real world can be disappointing. leo and calypso bicker all the time, but this time there is less tension on "this isn't what our relationship is supposed to be," and more of "we need to do better if we want to stay friends with each other." so they do. calypso talks about opening a shop, and leo jokes about having her hire him as an assistant. she takes it into consideration. leo makes sure to teach her as much as he can about the world, not just what to look forward to, but also how it actually is. they run from monsters and argue about how to spend money and leo shows calypso celebrity magazines and she tells him about different constellations in the sky.

and they both realize: they don't need a one true love. they just need this: a companion who forces you to grow, who tells you when you're stupid and sticks by your side. someone who you want to keep in your life forever because that's just what best friends do, that's just how it is.

"are you two dating?" percy asks, dumbfounded, the day leo returns to camp half-blood, after calypso threatened everyone who so much as thinks about punching leo with decapitation by wind.

calypso gapes at him. over percy's shoulder, leo catches her gaze makes a weird face. calypso rolls her eyes so hard it almost disappears into her head. then they both start laughing hysterically.

"no, percy," calypso says, wiping her eyes and grinning so wide it must have hurt. "we're just friends."

and that, really, was enough.

#idk man i just have thoughts #oh i pjo deep dived again #leo valdez #calypso #pjo #long post

[yackers]

I have mixed feelings about the cheating situation. In one sense they’re teenagers and I think everyone in the situation had their reasons for doing things and reacting to the situation, but I really struggle with Jerome’s reaction to the reaction. He’s a kid and I don’t think he should be held accountable for shit he did at 17 for the rest of his life when it’s this minuscule of a problem, but there were multiple scenes where people made digs at him for playing two girls and he truly believed that it was alright. Yes he apologized I get that, but even towards the end of the season he makes a comment about how he didn’t mean to hurt them…I truly believe Jerome didn’t think he deserved repercussions for hurting Willow and Mara. I don’t like that. Do I think they went too far with the revenge plot? Yes. Cause I wish they would’ve sat down and talked. Mara and Jerome, imo, needed to have a long conversation about it. Not with Willow. Not with Joy. But just the two of them. Their relationship arc had been from s1. Jerome had that little crush on her that blossomed and it eventually led us to s3 and the cheating situation. Maybe it’s me not understanding how he cheated on her with Willow, who I adore, I’m just not understanding how those two had any sort of chemistry or connection, but I wanted him to explain his sudden drawback. Joy defending Jerome those times were valid but her in that damn bedroom saying she thought it was all about revenge. It’s like the entire house lacked brain cells that season. The miscommunication trope was wild. What i’m saying is I think the cheating trope was interesting to the development of the characters. I just really don’t think Jerome realized what he did was wrong. I love Jeroy. They’re my favorite ship of all time. I just can’t stand how Jara essentially ended and there was no sit down conversation being like “Hey, I hurt you. This isn’t about me liking Joy it’s about me breaking the heart of the girl who fell in love with me and who i pined after for two years” I just needed something. Those teenagers couldn’t talk.

I have a lot of thoughts so please click below

see I do completely get what you're saying I do, and it's not that I disagree with you so much as that's just not really how things work. throughout the whole show, characters hurt each other and do shitty things because it's full of overwhelmingly human characters, but they can't just sit and talk it all out for hours in therapy speak until everyone is 100% okay. that's not how television works, that's not even really how life works. I don't honestly see how jerome and mara sitting and talking out every one of their issues would make either of them feel better and not more mad each other and it wouldn't be good television. hell, who in life ever sits down with their ex who cheated on them and discusses why and how and all of their personal feelings about it, especially two seventeen year olds who dated less than a year. I do understand that it feels like he should apologise further but the damage was already done, mara was too angry to hear it and jerome didn't know himself well enough to articulate why. I also just can't really name many shows where any (unmarried, childless, outside of a therapy environment) couples sit down and discuss in detail the end of their relationship.

I do disagree with you saying that he didn't think he deserved repercussions. he quite literally finds out that the three of them wrote a play specifically to embarrass him in front of the entire year group and accepts it and directs it anyway and says that he just hopes it helps mara move on and feel better. he does even repeatedly try to apologise to mara. he lets her say horrible things about his dad without fighting back and he backs off of joy around her as to not upset her further, all things he never would've done pre being caught cheating. he tells the house that they all need to get over it only when they're all being silent and glaring at him at the breakfast table because he still has to live there and he can't have every single person in house mad at him forever.

in terms of how he could have gotten with willow and his 'sudden drawback from mara', I really do not mean this to sound rude but like did you watch it? when he and willow first kiss in detention, mara had broken up with him like at least a week ago. he tried to win her back over and over (with admittedly hollow gestures I'm not like validating his behaviour just stating the facts of what happened) and she ignored him. by the time he kisses willow in detention, he thinks he fucked up too bad and he's never getting mara back, and so he's rebounding. he doesn't really have tons of chemistry with willow, that's kinda the point, she's just there and she's sweet and she's into him and it's a lot less complicated. it's only after all this that mara approaches him in the kitchen and is like 'congrats we're back together' and by that point he's already moved on from her enough that he's not willing to give up willow because he doesn't like either of them that much by that point. and this is not me defending him but like if he'd told mara then and there that he'd kissed willow even though she barely gave him a chance to, it still would've crushed her, because unlike him she didn't think they were done, she was just holding off because of the sisterhood. the whole situation isn't black and white, he didn't wake up and say "I'm gonna have two girlfriends" and it's a mess and that's the whole point of it. I've gone over the other jara stuff before so I'm not gonna repeat myself but idk, it didn't happen the way you're making it sound like.

and lastly, about joy saying "I thought it was all about revenge", the whole point of that scene is that both girls are lashing out each other because they're both broken hearted. it was the wrong thing to say, but it was an impossibly difficult and insane situation. and up until that point, mara didn't do a whole lot of crying and being sad because she got angry and stayed that way. the part about the revenge plotline that makes it so interesting to watch and why I liked it is because it was always going to hurt everyone involved and it was always going to be everyone's fault. jerome was getting hurt either way, joy was always going to fall for him, which was a betrayal to mara, but it was also an insane thing for mara to ask her to do in the first place. it blows up in everyone's faces badly, but both girls both eventually realise that it's okay that they're both upset and that it all only happened because of some incredibly poor decision making and that's that. the ending with mara deciding to put her friend's happiness above her anger is the most important lesson of all of it. also:

he does try to sincerely apologise for all of it one last time and she shakes her head with a smile and tells him that it's okay. the whole point of mara's arc is that she doesn't need that from him anymore, she's learning to deal with her feelings herself and know her own worth even when others don't, which is what she's been needing to learn to do the whole show.

tldr: I understand that cheating is a difficult topic that people have a lot of thoughts about and I respect that, but real life isn't therapy and what a lot of your takes tell me is that either you didn't really pay attention during their storyline or that it's been a long time since you watched it

#hope this makes sense and wasn't too rude but #house of anubis #txt #ask #anon

[moregraceful]

Wrote five fics in three fandoms sort of for @theresonly1u!

Seasoned Beginner | Hockey RPF/Baseball RPF | 2k | rated M | Thomas Bordeleau/Blake Sabol

The Giants have a suite for the Sharks in April. Nothing fancy, no one’s throwing out the first pitch, just a random day game in the middle of the week. Thom has nothing better to do. He goes.

The San Francisco Giants/San Jose Barracuda crossover no one asked for or wanted. Yes Nick Cicek is in it tf do I look like. No Archive warnings apply but Thom's brain is haunted in a non-specific, slightly maladaptive way. On AO3.

Heaven Is A Place On Earth | Hockey RPF | 2k | rated T | Andrew Agozzino/Kyle Criscuolo

Andrew Agozzino picks Kyle up from the airport. He’s got a sullen teenager standing next to him in Arrivals, who Kyle realizes belatedly is William Eklund.

I love all of these but this one might be my favorite tbh it's so silly. And yes I am aware that Gecko was a full twenty years old by the time Crisco got traded to the team but it was way funnier if Crisco not only didn't recognize him, but de-aged him. No Archive warnings apply. On AO3.

Handcrafted | Hockey RPF/Basketball RPF | 2k | rated T | Luka Dončić/Miro Heiskanen

The thing about the fabric of reality rewriting itself is that it also rewired Miro’s brain. One minute he was dreamlessly asleep, alone; the next minute he woke up with a direct link to Luka in his head. He could feel the man sleeping across town, could feel the tremors of his bad dream and how it shook his body.

THIS IS WEIRD. AND NOT JOYFUL. The ending is ambiguous on purpose, but I welcome theorizing because I had a blast when all the pieces fell into place as I was editing. I have wanted to write both Luka/Miro and a Stars sci-fi au for literal years and it finally came together in this fic. Chose not to use Archive warnings; heed tags and warnings in author's note. DM for further clarification. On AO3.

Wide Awake | Hockey RPF | 1k | rated T | Thomas Bordeleau/Tristen Robins

Tristen’s fascinated by the dark circles under Thom’s eyes this late in the season.

"I thought you didn't care about Thomas Bordeleau lolololol." Shut. No Archive warnings apply. On AO3.

Joy | Hockey RPF | 2k | rated T | Nico Hischier/Timo Meier

It’s the playfulness that gets Nico. The way Timo’s having an unselfconsciously good time.

I'd like to thank 💖 anon for sending an ask that I will post shortly but which rewired my brain with regards to the Timo Meier experience. boy who got you smiling like that with your back against the wall. No Archive warnings apply. On AO3.

Enjoy everybody!! And check out the other 125 works in the collection, there's truly some galaxy-brained stuff in there.

#unfortunate birdcage fanfictions

[kebriones]

Translated parts of T. Kallifatides’ “Timandra" (PART 1)

Part 2

part 3 coming soon

Intro:

The book has not been translated to english yet, so this is my (very much not professional) attempt at translating some parts of it, mostly the ones that have to do with Alcibiades.

This is a historical novel, told as a sort of autobiography from the POV of Timandra, an hetaera who according to some versions of the story was there to witness Alcibiades’ death. We know nothing about her, so the author has constructed an entirely new story for her. 

I also have to mention that it was written in 1994 and it’s one of the few books this author has written in greek.

I will not include the original greek text, unless someone specifically asks for it. I have tried my absolute best to not take any liberties and translate it as close to word-for-word as possible rather than try to make the prose sound better in english, to convey it as it is. 

I will include commentary after some parts, for fun :D 

Lastly, the setting of the book is as follows: Timandra reminisces on her entire life on the night of Alcibiades’ assassination, while he is sleeping and she is awake. 

the translations are under the cut! enjoy!

(p.7) He was lying next to me, naked. The reflection of the fireplace’s flame fell on his forehead and made the drops of sweat glow like gemstones. That was exactly when steps were heard. I froze. He was breathing deeply, calmly. “Someone’s coming” I said. “Let them come, whoever wants to” he replied to me. “Twenty five years I wait for them” Then he turned on his right side. A moment later he was asleep. He always slept on the right. “I can’t sleep on the left” he had explained to me. “I can’t sleep on my heart, and my heart never sleeps.” (transl. notes: my mother always told me to avoid sleeping on my heart, in order to sleep more easily and not have nightmares)

(p.20) Luckily Alcibiades was asleep, or we would have a quarrel. “Why must we explain everything?” he would say, lisping, something that meant he was truly angry.

(p.22) Night. The sky was close and the stars shone with a light we were not used to. It was a foreign night. I had seen many nights, in Greece, on the islands, in Asia, in Sicily. Nevertheless, I couldn’t feel at home with them. I always missed the night of Attica, which maintains something from the light of day like an afterglow, like the dull shine of an old mirror. (transl. notes: this is really weird to me because I keep saying, there’s something about the sky in attica. If you’ve lived your whole life here, when you travel elsewhere you really get it. idk what it is. maybe a mass delusion)

(p.43) …that not even their king could manage in bed, so poor Alcibiades was compelled to knock up their queen, whose bastard they called Leotychides but she called him Alcibiades, and as a result, the king’s horns were so large that he didn’t dare go out hunting anymore because he got tangled in the bushes. (transl. notes: in greece if your spouse cheats on you, the saying is that you grow horns)

(p.56, timandra talking about the first time she saw Alcibiades) Ten years old I was when I saw him for the first time, he bewitched me immediately both as he was who he was and because he made me dream. I would imagine we lived together, that he was my brother, that I wasn’t a girl but a boy and that we wrestled or competed together at running, that I would rub him with oil after the bath.

(p.88) He had to sleep. The war had lasted almost my whole life. The first time he took part in battle he was still a teenager. Now he was forty four years old. Twenty eight winters and twenty eight summers he had prepared to be killed, every battle could be the last. Most of his friends and even more of his enemies had already died or fallen in the war. His life was emptying. Around him was the void, in Athens as well as in Sparta. Twenty eight years lasted the war and all those years I was in love with Alcibiades, however I never tried to keep him near me. I never made use of neither tears nor caresses-and I had no other means. Afterall, I liked seeing him wear his armor. The shield, the helmet, the sword. He seemed to me immortal. I know though that he wasn’t. My nails could leave bloody marks on his bare shoulders, let alone a sword. 

(p.92) One afternoon, as I was climbing my pine tree, I found my spot taken by a blonde girl at my age. I knew who she was. She was the daughter of Hipponicus, one of the richest Athenians, who was also Aspasias’ first husband before she got Pericles. They called her Hipparete. I was pissed, of course, even though I couldn’t do anything about it, the pine tree was not my property and so I started to climb down, when Hipparete, with a soft voice that surprised me, said: “We both fit” There was something so polite and mild in her tone that I acquiesced. I climbed up again and sat next to her. She offered me almonds. I didn’t talk much. We looked silently at the spectavle down on the field, when suddenly we saw Alcibiades enter the palestra and I felt Hipparete next to me focus her attention, as I did mine, and I understood that this sweet-voiced, blonde girl was one of my rivals. If only I knew how right I was. I pretended to observe the match and in reality I observed Hipparete. Her face kept changing color. One moment she was ashen, the next beet-red, she clenched her hands as if in adjuration and other times she shut her eyes as if she couldn’t bear to watch. Alcibiades at the palestra was having problems. His opponent was bulky and buff. Alcibiades was trying to slip away but the other had caught him about the waist and was pressing him backwards like a sapling. Looking at Hipparete, I saw she was ready to faint, when suddenly we heard a shout and Alcibiades’ opponent had let go of him and was rubbing his shoulder. “You bite like a woman, Alcibiades!” He said, so loudly that everyone heard him. “I bite. But like a lion” replied Alcibiades, even louder. The old men on the bleachers started laughing, even the bitten one could not help himself. He gave a friendly pat on Alcibiades’ shoulder and they left together for the baths. We saw them wash each other, dry each other up. When I turned again to Hipparete, I saw her crying. (transl. note: I feel like it’s highly unlikely that Hipparete, being from the family she was, would be allowed to do anything like climbing trees to look at boys at age twelve or thirteen that she’s supposed to be here but it’s a cute scene i guess. plus it’s the bitting scene so I had to include it.)

(p95) The rest of them did not want anything more than that. And so, Alcibiades stopped Hipponicus, greeted him respectfully and suddenly slapped him across the face. Hipponicus was lost for words, tried to say something, regretted it and walked away, as fast as his age and dignity would allow. Alcibiades won the bet. At the same time, he fell in the Athenians’ esteem, who could forgive a murder in cold blood, but not the slapping of an old and respected citizen. There were some limits, that not even Alcibiades could surpass without punishment. There was nothing left but ask for forgiveness. Something he did, but in such a way that the Athenians would talk more about the repentance than the offense. Early the next morning, he stood himself outside of Hipponicus’ house, waiting for him with his head bowed. To those who asked what he was doing there, he replied that he wanted to ask for forgiveness from Hipponicus. Why didn’t he go inside? they asked him. No, he wasn’t worthy of stepping food in that house. Athenians, always fond of shows and curious, smelled that something was cooking and started gathering in the corner. It is not known what crossed the mind of Hipponicus, when he saw all those people outside his house. Eye witnesses said that he was terrified and turned to go back inside. But Alcibiades ran and pleaded with him to stop. After that, taking off his chiton, he stood in front of him completely naked. Someone was saying later that his beauty doubled the light of day, someone else was saying he looked like Eros himself. Complete silence fell and everyone could hear Alcibiades’ raspy voice, who spoke way too slowly, like all who lisp. “Hipponicus, I behaved insolently towards you and I ask for your forgiveness and as proof of my repentance, I hand over my body to you, to whip it or do whatever else you consider fit. Hipponicus had not become this rich without eyes or tongue. “Alcibiades, son of Kleinias” he said. “I am not so small-souled (mean-spirited, petty?) as to whip you and unfortunately I am way too old to do to you what I consider fit!” The mass around them broke into laughter and some not quite seemly comments were made.

PART 2 COMING SOON

#alcibiades #timandra #ancient greece #modern greek literature

[bereft-of-frogs]

friday! ✨

reading:

(in-progress) Jaw Bone - Monica Ojeda - This is an excellent follow-up to Yellowjackets in that it is about how teenage girls can and will start a cult, while an adult figure in their lives looks on in horror and then does something way worse. Also, the line "Why do [girls] love [their girl friends] so much that they would rather see them dead?" tell me that's not Shauna

(phone book) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: omg I forgot how much I love Reath. This is legit making me considering pushing through my issues with Midnight Horizon because this can't be where we part ways. He's just so me. He stays behind for historiography. I loved historiography. He shows up kind of buzzed for an important journey. Do you know how many times I've gone through TSA still drunk? So many times. Ok not when I was 17 because I was kind of a square back then, but I for sure made up for it in my 20s. I love him. I think my issues with Midnight Horizon were 1) just being #done with forbidden romances. There are like 4 of them. I'd just read Gray's Lost Stars for book club (which was a disappointment). I don't love forbidden romances at the best of times and I was just over it. 2) some of the dialogue literally made me cringe it was so bad. But. I am considering powering through because Reath is just so me. I will say, this is probably because of my MH annoyance, but I do wish that Jora hadn't died, I think she was better for him than Cohmac is but...maybe that opinion will shift during this reread. I also really appreciate that this dodges some YA sins (unlike some others in this recap...👀 see below) by making a major theme be that the adults are equally as lost and stressed as our teenage protagonist. Like, they're sort of useless because yeah adults are also lost and confused sometimes, not just to get them out of the way of the plot. I just love the cut from Reath's POV being like 'look at them, they've got it all together, maybe when I'm an adult I won't feel so lost and uncertain' and then to all the adults' POVs being like '*internal screaming* what if I'm making a huge mistake.' I feel like, for me, this is what makes a YA book readable as a 30+ year old, treating the teen protagonist and the adult side characters with equal respect and depth.

Lord of the Rings chapter-a-day: I was supposed to finish this today, based on that blog's schedule, but once I fell behind I just decided to keep with the one chapter per day thing. Should finish by early next week and then I'm moving on to The Silmarillion to spite that one person who didn't believe the 'have you read this book' poll results. Many Partings today <3 ah.

watching (tv):

Severance (AppleTV+): I love how for like half an episode I was like 'idk this might not be such a bad idea' because I have a lot of work-related dreams and I'm like, hm but if I can't remember work, will have I have nightmares about it, and then the show immediately spent the rest of that episode and the three following being like 'hey this is a fucking horror show'. What a nightmare. Possibly the most disturbing show I've watched all year so far. Patricia Arquette's character is legit a little triggering haha.

watching (film):

the only movies I watched this week were all of the Hunger Games movies. They put them on Netflix. And. Look. I have such a complicated relationship with the Hunger Games series, some of you might be like 'um don't you bitch about that series quite frequently' yes. Also, when Netflix puts them on I WILL watch all of them. I saw the new one in theaters. I'm committed but. Hunger Games rant incoming, this is one of those things that has gotten a bit ruined by the fandom. Because I really enjoy it -- at least the first two -- I just don't think it's a masterpiece that is so deep it should be taught in high schools. It's pretty shallow actually. The first two books/movies are so fun, they're tropey and fun and a great angsty setting. (When I'm in a certain mood, oof, Hunger Games AUs? Hit so hard.) But they do indulge in some YA sins. Like not as many as the wave of knockoffs that followed, for sure, but they're there. The one that bothers me the most Katniss is both a blank slate for the reader to project on, and also the only one that's ever right. None of the other characters have depth or development just so that Katniss can be right all the time, even though by Mockingjay that just makes her seem like a hypocrite. Mockingjay, both the book and the unnecessary two-part conclusion, is just abysmal. But it feels like both my enjoyment of the tropey dystopian first two books and my dislike of Mockingjay, gets this response of 'you just don't get it, Suzanne Collins is playing 5D chess--' and I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. Anyway, this is but a fraction of the rant I could go on, Netflix tried to email me a little 'what did you think of The Hunger Games' survey and I was like, Netflix, babe, you don't know what you're asking. I also apologize to everyone who has to put up with my commentary whenever I put these on, the victim this time was @aurorawest thank you for putting up with my commentary. Also Gwendoline Christie is in the last one for like 2 minutes and cannot do an American accent so that was kind of endearing. Ok. End Hunger Games rant.

list:

guest-ready level clean of my apartment. we're mopping. we're doing the baseboards. we're making sure there's not any more butter on the walls (side note, I finally figured out how butter got on my wall: I was holding the butter knife in my right hand while picking up the bread in the toaster with the same hand and it tilted and gently brushed the wall exactly where I found the butter, so. no one asked by that's how butter got on my wall it's been like three days and I've been like....what happened here)

ECLIPSE DAY!!! I am both very excited and slightly stressed because the news has been like 'APOCALYPTIC CROWDS' but I do have to remember that my measurement for 'apocalypse-level crowds' has been shaped by almost exclusively living in places with much, much higher population density. So what I consider intolerable crowds and what the good citizens of this lovely state consider intolerable crowds...is slightly different. I definitely am anticipating a lot of traffic but I do think I need to recalibrate my understanding here. XD We'll see maybe it will be bad, but I have alternate routes planned, we'll have snacks, it'll be an adventure either way.

I have no other plans this is all I've been thinking about, this is the first thing I put in my calendar when I got it, I put in my PTO request in January lol

anyway, happy friday

#lists lists lists #long post

[gunsli-01]

So I have a qustion for you bestie, do you really think mu was in love with her victim or was the queen off milgram pulling a victim card

TL;DR: Yes, all the things that have come out regarding Mu supports the framing that she was romantically interested in her victim. After Pain, Otome Dissection, and MKDR paint a firm picture of this being the case when watched and considered in conjunction with one another. So, barring any huge world-shattering bombshells coming out in the mv for It's not my fault this is more than likely the case.

It’s not even that I want to believe it is. I tend to be harsher on Mu than any of the others. Because honestly...I find her personality grating and she’s not the type of mean girl I tend to view favorably. That would go to Yuno.

Mu, just isn’t harsh enough for me. Plus, I hate people that pretend to be weak when they’re strong the most. That’s just my personal bias. She could be colder, and I actively like the way she’s behaving now more than how she was in trial one. Even if it’s still not as mean or the sort of meanest I prefer it at least feels honest and I like that.

However, I’m not going to ignore the facts just because they don’t validate my feelings. In this case Mu’s own songs and her covers tell the story of a teenager who fell in what they believed to be love and tried to do everything to keep that. Even if the behavior they exhibited to do so was toxic.

Honestly, I thought Mu would be getting Chimera just because of how fake she came off to me. I have zero reason to defend her, but her romantic feelings seem genuine and what the information provided is leaning towards. She doesn't seem good at lying about her emotions outside of omitting them entirely.

I did a post on Mu and Futa going over everything I thought about them before. Though Futa got more attention than Mu given I was more interested in him at that time.

However, in that post I mention that I believe Mu’s mv is out of order. That her music video is the first one to start messing around with time distortion and my belief that her victim was dead before her bullying ever began. In her first interrogation she answers the question, “What do you dislike?” with-

“Scary people and ghosts. Oh, and right now, school.”

The hourglass Mu is stuck in throughout After Pain breaks from falling off her desk at the beginning of her music video. The flower shown at the end of After Pain is firmly planted on the desk next to hers, presumably the one belonging to her victim. Implying she was dead while Mu was still in school. Despite her claiming she doesn’t remember what happened after her crime the writing on the blackboard at the end of After Pain tells a different story alluding to people wondering if it was a murder or suicide.

We know the wording on the blackboard at the end of Mu’s mv isn’t referring to her since one of the things written on it translates to,

“Reeks of poverty.”

And the Milgram team have made it abundantly clear that Mu was born financially well off. Her classmates would also know this, given that she’s texting her old friends about giving them expensive lipstick as gifts during the mv. So, she was someone who did show off her wealth to the extent that this insult wouldn’t be lodged at her. Meaning these are not the same instances of bullying.

Also, where it says drew a picture of you on the board the drawing looks nothing like Mu but weirdly resembles the girl she killed. The final nail in the coffin on this one is, “Thanks for all the fun times we’ve had! The flowers are a present for you!”

As we see, the flowers are not on Mu's desk but on the desk right next to hers. Her standing in front of the board holding one of the flowers is even more suspicious cause that means she’s either a part of the bullying or the instigator of it. More than likely the instigator given this line that can be found on the board as well, “Acting like the heroine.” Along with this line in her music video “If you’re going to make me the villain it’s ok to ignore me.”

This is vastly different from the board that we see at the beginning that is full of things directly targeting Mu specifically. If we take into consideration that her classmates have reason to believe that she killed someone else then these things shown on the board at the beginning make more sense, “You should go to a reformatory” “Criminal” “I did nothing wrong←huh?!”. The first board also includes jokes about Mu’s name specifically. So, we know all this bullying is towards her.

When it comes to her being romantically interested in her victim I feel what matters the most is what Mu didn't say. She wants to appear like a victim certainly, but she wants to do it on her own terms. I don't think she'd be okay with any of us knowing someone found her undesirable. This is possibly one of the other reasons she doesn't want the guards looking as close as she wanted them to before anymore.

Because honestly it would be embarrassing having people know a thing like that. Which is why she remained so vague about how her victim hurt her during her first interrogation and why we never see her victim partake in bullying her during After Pain. Also, why she says this when being bullied by her former friends, "If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me. If it’s endurance, I’m used to it. It’s just having another taste of it."

She's already been ignored by someone who meant far more to her than her former friends probably did. So, she should be used to it but being ignored by her victim was so unbearable she had to kill her for it. That's odd. The girl she kills is rarely shown outside the hourglass she’s trapped in. In fact, the closest the victim ever gets to Mu's bullying is when she just so happens to be leaving the bathroom the same time Mu is being bullied in it.

Which is suspect because the lines that transition us into that scene are, “But I see it in my dreams even though I erased it maybe I’m done. Just one more time before saying goodbye. I’m just kidding, please forget I said that.” So, she very well may be flashing back to the crime in this moment not committing it after.

I wrote this in that first post, “Conveniently overlooking that the hourglass Mu is stuck in is revealed to be filling with the victim’s blood at the end. Showing even more that Mu may not give a fuck about her actions effect on this person but how the mere thought of them continues to inconvenience her.”

As though despite them being dead and gone the mere concept of them lingers haunting her like those ghosts she dislikes so much. Her classmates seemingly carrying on her will by holding her accountable bringing her behavior back around to her. She erased it but she still sees it. It’s gone but things aren’t the same cause sorry won’t reach anyone because the people who used to listen won’t.

I wrote something going in depth about Otome Dissection and how it ties into this but then tumblr glitched and deleted it. Though overall it was a happy accident because I found a better way to articulate my point through rewriting this. However, I still want to try to touch on what I had before briefly.

Otome Dissection and MKDR both allude to a relationship growing sour while someone tries to hold on to it despite that. Otome Dissection looks at the toxic ways a person tries to get attention from the one they want affection from. For example, as we reach the hook of the song for the second time in Otome Dissection the lyric leading into it is, “You know you’ve been so cold lately.” Before going into playing a game of girl dissection highlighting that need to get affection but focusing in on the manipulative or detrimental way the seeker goes about getting said affection.

After this even stating, “How stupid. Your unwillingness is irresistible to me. I wonder if our misunderstanding will be resolved.” People tend to be very gracious when interpreting the lyrics of Otome Dissection. However, when taken from the most unflattering angle it can come off as someone threatening self-harm to keep a lover around. Even having the lyrics, “You know I had a dream where you fell in love with someone else. I hope you deny it. Love me, please?”

While MKDR can be considered a healthier progression. Since it at least recognizes the love had problems.

It’s just funny and cruel that Mu gets praised, showered with never ending excuses, and dotted on for being the way people suspected and vilified Mahiru for possibly being. This woman almost dies because people created a story in their heads about her being so clingy, she drove her lover to suicide or that she never had a lover at all and was a yandere. When really the chances are she poisoned her cheating fucking boyfriend.

Especially given the two people that feel bad for her the most are implied to be notorious fucking homewreckers. Kazui who we all know cheated and Yuno who was probably fucking people’s husbands given her stance on how the public views adultery. Kind of weird that they both feel really bad around the one person who abhors cheating and may have had it done to them. Like I feel sorry for her and you’re too nice to be here. The two gold medalists in the Cheating Olympics specializing in stealing your man and breaking your vows feel bad for her.

If that’s not a sign her murder was a crime of passion due to a relationship failing, I don’t know what is. Yet, for Mu this is used as an excuse for her actions, a means to validate them. So, yeah during trial one I was pretty much confused to hear that this was being pushed forward as a defense. Not only because it was hypocritical but because it makes her look worse.

I was actively hoping that this wouldn't be the reason because to me that would make this an incredibly open and shut case. Like a person would just have to love Mu to vote this act forgivable or innocent at this point in my opinion. Because regardless of whether a person is in a same sex relationship, or a heteronormative one this sort of treatment isn’t okay.

Of course, Mu’s first cover was actively ignored and now people want to say the covers don’t really mean much when they very much do. Mahiru didn’t get that treatment though she got dragged through the mud for Psychogram she wasn’t given any benefit of the doubt. People even speculated that Mahiru would be getting MKDR before Mu got it. Now Mu wants to be like don’t look too hard cause the entire story is coming together, and some people will certainly go I do not see it.

#milgram #kusunoki mu #shiina mahiru