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#i dont want this stuff!!!!!!!! i dont want it!! its so wasteful!!!!!
tunapesto · 6 months
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cosplaying is healing me personally (killing my wallet, also)
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how do you feel about the new tf2 leaks?
Oh it big sucks!
listen, this leak honestly makes me so mad im not even joking. not because of like, leaks like this cause so much trouble for the developers who own them (in how to combat it), or for the source licencees who are affected by the leak, but WHO it affects in this community.
say you've been working a beta recreation of 2Fort from Trailer 2 (since it's the version with the most footage), you've been working on it in your spare time for the past... 6 years lets say. you know the ins and outs of this map, you've watched footage and studied screenshots from around August 2006, and you've made an intense list of all the eras of 2Fort to ensure you have a timeline of eras so you know which to avoid and such.
so your beta 2Fort recreation is as accurate it can be from all the public media you could find from it. you've even gotten the sewers to be as low as they were in the beta combined with the higher water. there's some things left to your interpretation of the map, since the sewers have never been shown for example, and you push it out for people to play around on. this was basically your hobby for the past 6 years, and it meant so much to you to be able to create something with a love you can't put to words.
suddenly. the worst thing imaginable. a month after you post it? an entire developer repo leaks. and lets pretend it's got that version of 2Fort intact. that's a serious gut punch BUT, then you get comments from folks like "oh the actual 2fort leaked" "this is obsolete now" "oh well a recreation couldn't ever top a leak". it's demoralizing. it breaks their spirit for something they worked so hard on. the one thing you loved working on? well seemingly it doesn't matter now to the community you painstakingly made it for.
that's what hurts for me, is the people who've created content based off of things from TF2 (like the Spellcasters Witch), whom have made it from scratch, added their own personal touches like different outfits and hairstyles, to the ability to allow the user to recolour every part of that outfit. then a leak comes along and it seems everyone's ferally knashing their teeth at this leak. no leak can ever come close to the kind of love community members put into stuff.
that's why i hate this leak. and even with the 60 gigabytes of stuff that's leaked? people are still like "oh well this doesn't have everything 🙄". like sorry 60GB wasn't enough for you?
i hope we never see a TF2 leak again. this shit sucks and i hate the community around it.
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kate-m-art · 6 months
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Keep seeing Zelda movie news reactions and like feel like my only contribution right now is I'd much prefer live action to an illumination style animated movie...
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charmac · 6 months
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PLEASEE POST A NEW CHAPTER OF THE SUGAR DADDY FIC I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES 😭😭😭😭😭
Updating All These Nights tonight and then Sugar is next to be updated, promise promise.
#ask#sugar daddy fic#i have been in a writing rut that is known#so i needed to work out some more canon stuff to get the voices back yk? hence updating the other fic first#but also i still feel like the last chapter fell off hard cos i got like no comments#which i know is like 'who cares' but i think i majority switched the style (like for myself) last chapter and i really like it but#if people didnt respond to it#im a little stumped on where to go#(again not in the story but style-wise)#people do not respond to long chapters? people dont respond to the dennis chapters? too much time wasted on sex? idk im#yeah like just a little lost on what people enjoy in the story and what i should gut/cut down on i guess#cos last chapter is hands down my favourite ive written#content wise its close to 6..#but style-wise i know its so fucking long but i thought it flowed really well and god i love exploring dennis' weird relationship with sex#but to me like only 4 people finished that chapter#to clarify. in my head there are literally only max 10 people who read this thing#and 2 of them are my random friends who arent in this fandom and just want to read what im writing#and neither of them bothered with a 27k chapter.. lol#so im stumped trying to pace the writing and rework how i thought it would go#cos i dont know what people enjoy in the fic!!! and seemingly did not respond to in what i thought was the best chapter so far.. lmfao#sorry you caught me on 30hrs awake and way too much coffee
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waywardsalt · 9 months
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how much does sonia matter to the story of totk
sonia... is certainly a character in totk, but right now i want to take a look at her appearances within the story and see just how much of an effect she actually has on the narrative of this game. i will only be looking at memories and actual story beats, things such as those floating tablets (idk what they're called i never bothered with them) will be omitted because they are entirely optional content and have nothing to do with the actual story, i'm only considering the memories and present events that most players intending to experience the full base story will see. (i'm not even sure if the floating tablets have anything story-relevant in them, anyways, from what ive seen its just world-building and little character moments.)
it's worth noting that i do like sonia, and i don't particularly think she's a bad character; i enjoyed her, but it's questionable just how relevant as a character she is to the story. i also have a generally negative opinion of totk and its story, so that might alter the way i think about this game and it's story. feel free to take what i say here with a grain or two of salt.
spoilers for a fair bit of totk ig
(post is extremely long yknow how it is 2,581 words under the cut)
sonia is definitely present for the story in the past; she is a comforting presence for zelda and a supporter of rauru. she has power over time (recall, i suppose), and is the queen of the hyrule that rauru has founded, and was formerly a priestess before meeting rauru.
before really starting, i want to bring up that the first time the public got to see sonia was in the 3rd trailer; specifically it is where memory 6 is edited, specifically making it appear that sonia, with her hand outstretched and glowing, is the one therefore shooting the beam of light in the very next cut. in reality, in the actual scene, rauru is the one shooting that beam, but i want to keep this specific edit made in the final trailer in mind, since i want to talk a little bit more about sonia's presence in the story in general at the end, because, again, i personally like her, and am admittedly frustrated with how the game and its story ends up using her.
i consider a character to matter to a story when they do something that impacts or helps move it along. for example, despite being very non-characters, i would consider the old sages to be important as they provide exposition directly to link and the new sage as well as bestow upon them their blessing and their secret stone. they have some kind of effect on the story and other characters and carry out a specific role. if you erased the old sages, you would be missing characters that provide more information to the new sages and properly mark them as their successors in the present. even though they aren't really fleshed out in any sort of way, the old sages play an important role in the central plot of the story. the story needed them to play their specific role in order for the game to progress and for the narrative to continue as intended. they do something to shape the path that the narrative takes, they have an effect.
sonia is a character who technically only ever appears in the memories. i'm completely ignoring her appearing after the final boss simply because she has no dialogue at all and its really nebulous what she and rauru even do. worth noting that she is not alone in that scene; rauru is present with her.
sonia is introduced in memory 3 and then is killed in memory 9, i'm also ignoring her, uh, cadaver in memory 10 for obvious reasons. sonia is therefore active in the world of the past for 7 memories out of the total 15 that take place in the past. sonia is alive for less than half of the memories. furthermore, of those 7, sonia only actually appears in 6 of them, memories 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, and 9, and has dialogue in memories 3, 4, 8, and 9, barely over a fourth of those memories.
noting when she appears and when she speaks is important, since because of the fragmented nature of the past memories, character dialogue is very important in knowing what they do and what information they impart. sonia has a purpose in the memories where she doesn't speak, but i'll get to those after looking at the ones where she does speak.
what sonia does in memory 3: she is the first to approach zelda and her touch is what wakes zelda up. sonia is much gentler with zelda, giving her her name and reassuring her that she is safe.
what sonia does in memory 4: she's mentioned by rauru to have a secret stone and likely used as the example of a secret stone holder due to her own time powers. sonia is the one who says that zelda has both light and time powers, and also says that she can also somehow tell that she and zelda and blood related. sonia nudges rauru for (i think) being a bit cold, and is once again the one to comfort zelda and provides her with a place in the past. she is gentle and patient with zelda.
what sonia does in memory 6: she has no dialogue, but is present to... i'm not sure what she and zelda do here, but i'll say that sonia is supporting rauru's magic with her own. she prompts zelda to join her, and reacts to zelda's magic, telling us that zelda is unusually powerful by comparison.
what sonia does in memory 7: she does absolutely nothing other than be specifically noted by ganondorf for having a secret stone as well as being a hylian woman that rauru took as his wife, and smiles comfortingly at zelda.
what sonia does in memory 8: she recalls a cup that zelda knocks over (the only the we see her use time powers), inquires about zelda's well-being, gives an explanation on how zelda could learn to use her time powers (as well as this being somewhat of an explanation of how recall generally works?), shes comforting again and brings up zelda's light powers, and is the one to bring up link.
what sonia does in memory 9: before the memory, she agrees to meet with the fake zelda (knowing that it is truly not zelda) and clearly planned with the real zelda to confront it. she is the one to point out that the fake zelda is... fake, and controlled by ganondorf, and then is killed after fake zelda disappears.
sonia, from then on, is not present in any future memories, and only ever makes an appearance in the present at the very end with rauru.
so. how much does sonia matter to the story?
she definitely matters as a supporter of zelda and as the one to truly help her feel comfortable in the past and gives guidance about her powers. she's the queen of this ancient hyrule and rauru's wife and a holder of a secret stone. these have relevancy to the narrative, but they don't mean anything in the long run unless they actually effect the plot. she supports zelda, but it doesn't really change anything major, just helps her feel comfortable until things come crashing down again. she helps zelda harness her time powers, which we really only see zelda use against ganondorf and presumably to collect the master sword (and considering that her time powers never show up again, i guess zelda transfers them to link), but zelda is already shown to have great power from the start, and we never actually see zelda training or even struggling to use those powers, she just talks about not quite understanding them, and the first time she uses them she clearly has great control.
sonia conveys the information that zelda has time and light powers, and that zelda is related to sonia and rauru, both of which are fairly important, but sonia saying zelda has these powers merely spells it out for us, it doesn't affect anything about those powers, and zelda being related to sonia and rauru does nothing except explain the origins of her powers. she brings up link in front of rauru, but rauru could've easily learned about link any other way, most notably from zelda herself, so sonia bringing this up just changes when rauru learns about link.
through memory 6 we learn that zelda is, in fact, especially powerful specifically because she is being compared to sonia, who expresses surprise, though, again, this changes nothing, it merely brings attention to something already present.
sonia is suggested to have caught on to the fake zelda's ploy and we can assume that she had a hand in setting up the 'trap' that she and zelda spring on it. she implies that she, while knowing, agreed to meet with it and set this trap with zelda. after fake zelda disappears, she is then killed and removed from the story, though her death motivates zelda and rauru and marks the shift from a tense peace to outright war with ganondorf, and her death is what allows ganondorf to get his hands on a secret stone.
in a sense, sonia does matter to the story. she conveys information for the player and for other characters' benefits, she is an important person in the world of the past, and her death is a major turning point. but... at the same time, sonia does not really matter to the story.
she conveys information that doesn't really change the course of the story. her biggest decided-upon action was done off screen and with supposed help from zelda (and perhaps even rauru) and the biggest impact she makes, the one thing concerning her that actually causes things to move along or change in the course of the story, is her death. a character's death doesnt necessarily mean that from then on they are no longer important to the story, but with sonia, she is completely out of the picture. she motivates zelda and rauru, yes, but that's not exactly the same as mattering to the story. either way, if ganondorf declares war after stealing a secret stone, zelda and rauru are going to fight back with the sages.
sonia's death matters to the story. sonia herself does not matter to the story.
sonia doesn't do anything. she talks, conveys information, comforts zelda and gives her little pointers, but not once do we see her do anything that matters in the greater narrative. nothing she does in the past has any relevancy to the gameplay the players experience, or the side of the story that concerns link. she doesn't play a role that further aids our protagonists asides from maybe helping zelda learn to use her time powers. any information she conveys could have been learned through other means, or otherwise wasn't actually important to the events of the plot.
the most we really see her do is lure out fake zelda, but even then, zelda is the one to actually act in retaliation of the attack, and the most sonia does in that one scene, aside from convey more information, is die. and it's the only thing she does that actually causes a development in the plot or matters in general.
in addition to this, sonia does not do anything alone. she is always related to another character: she comforts zelda, she's rauru's wife and queen, ganondorf kills her, she and zelda corner fake zelda, she supports zelda and rauru. nothing she does she does on her own, there is always another character involved, she plays an extremely supportive role and does absolutely nothing outside of that. she exists to give the players information, she exists to support and motivate zelda and rauru, she exists as a character for ganondorf to kill to prove his evil and steal a secret stone. she is not an independent character within totk's story. she doesn't matter to the story as a character because she is barely even considered an independent character within that story.
when we see her at the end, the one time she is relevant to the present, she appears with rauru.
you could remove sonia from the story and swap her out with just having her secret stone hanging around the castle somewhere and the major events of the story would not change. sonia being the queen and rauru's wife only matters because then her death can motivate rauru, and by extension, the kingdom. sonia being so tender with zelda only matters because then her death motivates zelda. sonia having time powers and being related to zelda only matters to explain why zelda has time powers at all. these qualities do not matter outside of these characters that she is always shown with. the only thing about sonia that matters to the narrative is her death.
and. i don't dislike sonia! i like her! i think she's a good character, she has a personality and manages to be likeable even though she is always attached to a separate character! but she has no effect on the present and doesn't do anything that is relevant to any plot points. and it's so frustrating to see!
she's a major character in the past, and yet is hardly important, has four scenes total where she speaks, and dying is the most important thing we ever see her do. the only effect she has on the present is that the secret stone that ganondorf has was stolen directly from her.
it's just... frustrating to see yet another female character exist mostly just to die and motivate other characters, to see a major female character's only defining traits be that she is kind and nurturing and motherly and you never see anything beyond that.
and i come back to the game's third trailer.
just with the fact that sonia is shoved in a corner and is yet another female character that does not exist independent of others in this story, that we see her use her unique power exactly once to rewind a teacup, that's enough to frustrate me. sonia could've been a much more important and impactful character, but the most important thing concerning her is her death, and not even in a 'haunts the narrative' kind of way- she dies, motivates others, and is never brought up again.
and yet, in the third trailer of the game, memory 6 is cut up and presented in such a way that implies this at-the-time mystery female character had shot that beam of light, and that she would therefore be a powerful character. nothing is done without a reason in fiction, and this applies to game trailers.
i just don't understand why sonia was framed in such a deceitful way in that trailer. i can understand misdirection for the sake of avoiding spoilers, but... when it comes to characters like sonia, who in reality have very little impact on the narrative in this way, it just feels... almost a little devious, and it's so frustrating to watch that part of the trailer that teased a powerful female character (not a new concept for the zelda series, either!!!) and then, when the game rolls around, all of a sudden not only is she not the one with that power, but she is merely supporting the male character with that power.
there's absolutely a whole thing that can be said about female versus male characters in media and video games just with contrasting that part of the third trailer versus the actual in-game scene.
and i just can't help but feel bad for sonia after all of this, a character who could've been an important figure in totk's narrative, who just ended up being a character defined by the moment they stop being relevant.
so... yeah. sonia doesn't really matter to the story of totk, and it's in a really frustrating way. though i have a generally negative and almost spiteful attitude towards totk, none of that spite or anger is directed at sonia- i really wish she had a better role in the story, and i think she honestly deserves it and i don't think anyone is at fault for being fooling into thinking she would be this important and powerful figure. there's serious potential just with the pieces the story does give us! it's just all squandered to make her exist for the sake of other characters.
this might've gotten a bit off-track from that i wanted to say at the start, but... unfortunately, sonia as a character doesn't really matter to the story of totk, and i really wish that she did.
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craycraybluejay · 4 months
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ok guys serious question and i want answers
my standard dose is 40mg oxy
if i take 2 perc5s, is there a chance itll actually get me high? i have no tolerance (recent use) but 40 is the sweet spot. is 10 enough? will it give a better rush if i snort it even tho the high is shorter or should i just booty bump. or bite the bullet and try to iv
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snow-and-saltea · 7 months
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i know that in media you're constrained with things like budget, time slots and stuff, but sometimes i'm just like. my god. the insane shortcuts people take to write "smart / intelligent" characters, especially in plot-heavy stories, always pisses me off. they write them like they're sherlock holmes (bbc version, derogatory) but they fail to realise that even sherlock holmes (arthur conan doyle) was written with a lot of thought, suffered his own subconscious prejudices and had to learn from mistakes.
i guess what i'm trying to get at is—"smart" people don't magically get good at things overnight, the only difference between them and others is how much they're willing to go through to hone their mental acuity. which means when they try something new, they're going to make obvious mistakes, not understand how things work beyond the surface level, and make mistakes in judgements (like when you don't understand something well enough, your analogies and metaphors aren't 100% accurate or concise).
but it feels like there's a assumption hanging over our heads that, as readers, we don't WANT to see the smart one go through the entire nitty gritty of the learning process. we just want to see them do cool things, piece the puzzle together with a flourish, and clap our hands at the end. and in some parts, yes! that is what i want to see! but i am also interested in how they pieced it together. the joy of mysteries is, to me, that everyone is exposed to the same pieces of information, and we're given the chance to try to piece it ourselves. but then the smart character comes along and interprets those pieces of information in a not-obvious way to us, and it's cool!! years of living with a mind that is primed to turn things over in their head, to make sense of things, reveals to us how differently we experience the same reality, and it's wonderful. i'm able to learn from someone who sees life differently than me, and interpret information differently than me!
but right now i'm often left out feeling flat and confused in the mystery-type plots i've seen. the smart person will have been exposed to information we didn't even get the chance to see and interpret, and then they piece things together and everyone in the story claps their hands at the artificial pedestal that's been propped up under that character's feet. explanations of in-setting magic that can be retconned in and out at any point in time, so there's no logical consistency for us to nitpick or understand, so there's no basis to stand on that the story should be taken seriously. plot twists that make no sense as a gotcha. so many things!!
like. this particular example just my beef with g*nshin, so ignore it if you don't agree or smth. but the use of red herrings in the stories piss me off. the red herrings are either too obvious or nonexistent. they always use some random guy acting suspiciously and have the other characters react to it, as if we can't understand it on our own? but like. these red herrings, in the real world, aren't even red herrings. sometimes people just "act suspiciously" just by virtue of being human, not because they're complicit in some bigger overarching plot. sometimes people just stutter because of their anxious disposition, not to hide a guilty conscience. sometimes people are just defensive and irritable because they're a defensive and irritable person, it doesn't mean they're the ""bad guy"" who you need to crack down on and interrogate even further, especially if there's literally nothing that indicates this character is guilty other than their outward appearances.
but like. the smart characters/protagonist almost never get proven wrong. the stutterer was guilty all along and they're just a bad liar. the defensive guy is selfish and obnoxious, they're defensive because they're hiding something, not because it's a natural reaction on having one's sense of privacy and personal space violated.
the game sure loves trying to do nuance with "not everyone is 100% good or bad, we're all Flawed" but they can't put their money where their mouth is. everyone who is not guilty acts in completely transparent and "good" ways. everyone who is guilty acts in completely opaque and "suspicious" / "bad" ways. end of story. how the hell am i supposed to think anyone in this game is smart when they don't even have to use their brain to sift through, critique, weigh and interpret information? what use is there to do so? just use your eyes and ears. the stutterer is nervous for hiding a secret. the anxious is guilty. the angry is scornful.
there's also another rant here about how g*nshin fucking sucks at writing unique and flawed characters, because they like to make everyone the Specialest Guy In The World, but that's for another day.
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dullahandyke · 8 months
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Craving cup noodle once again. Why. Is it bcos it's the only thing I eat that's not White Girl Carbohydrates ?
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lucasoliko · 8 months
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I really hope college doesn't end me this year cuz last year i barely had any time to draw things i actually wanted to draw and everything i did was schoolwork that i didn't even enjoy doing/didn't like how it turned out, i just want to draw silly cowboys or stuff that reminds me of the silly dress up cowboy game pls let me be free
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bonesrbleaching · 1 month
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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l-e-g-i-o-n-losh · 2 months
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Whats a good bread for egg salad sandwiches? Store is out of sourdough
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Advice from experience: Be VERY careful on spending money on games, especially if what you're spending money on is like, limited events and shit.
Once you're in, you're IN and it's very, very hard to get out of mostly because of guilt and not wanting to put down stuff you've spent hours grinding for.
#alt rambles#rants in tags#recently started putting down and breaking off of a game that i've been grinding on for two years#and realised how much more time i have on my hands#and how much less draining my daily life is#and that i have more energy and time to do stuff instead of spending 2-3 hours every day to grind on the game#yea i spent 2-3 sometimes 4 hours per day just playing this game on a daily basis for the last 2 years#because i spent money and a shit load of time and effort in it#so putting it down genuinely makes me feel a lot of guilt#cause i feel like its such a waste#but like idk#i got really frustrated the other day and so burned out i gave myself a few days break and hoenstly im doing so much better than before#and i actually have time to do other stuff and do more art that now im starting to like#not want to go back to playing the game anymore#lmao yea if you know me you know what game im talking about#i mean i still love the game but damn was it fucking predatory and its only gotten worse thanks to new updates imo#it was fun before and now its just endless grinding#anyways#its another reason why i dont wanna pick up playing genshit even though i really want to#cause i finally got scara (thanks friend who logs in sometimes)#cause like i know genshit will also do that to me smh#anyways idk its just been on my mind lately about how i have unhealthy relationships with a lot of video games#i think im just going to stick to games like sdv and sr that don't have event after event#so thta i can go for breaks without feeling bad or like im missing out
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megah3rz · 3 months
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i think my issue with working for a very long time on one art piece is that i keep running out of things to listen to that are both enjoyable and not requiring more than like 30% of my attention (i cannot be alone with my thoughts)
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sgt-celestial · 3 months
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sitting at the kitchen table doing fuckall rn might do my makeup for fun in my tiny handheld mirror. should i
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vote2 · 4 months
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switch to history major yes/no
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xamaxenta · 1 year
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It’s difficult to not feel discouraged sometimes when your partner is also an artist and happens to be faster than you in every conceivable way
This doesn’t bother me often because everyone is different and comparing production time and skill against each other or anyone is detrimental mostly and its ok to have your own workflow
but it does weigh on me vaguely sometimes sometimes that she can finish 2-3 full coloured pieces within a week and ive been painfully scratching out the same number but theyre only sketches that ill never revisit within a month
None of this actually matters in the long run, it just makes me feel bad on occasion
#like i should be doing more#im very sorry for complaining so much online#i just dont really have any other way to express myself#i know some of you have generously and kindly reached out to me to offer an ear#but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter#matters or my problems arent a big deal and i know ots healthy to think actuallt my problems are worth talking about or a big deal#but its hard to change a behaviour that was kinda literally beaten jnto you that talking about stuff likw this is a waste of time#i guess i just feel bad that i could do more and i dont because i dont want to#but i also want to if that makes any sense at all#i suppose it also doesnt help that alot of the work im doing right now i actually sorta hate like none of it is good to me personally#i want to stop being toxic towards myself#i just wanna stop hating me and who i am and what i do every step of the way#but that mean little voice inside me is like ahh. it wont shut up#I always say i need a break or more time but what am i gonna do with it#doing nothing at all isnt fulfilling#it sounds. sad like what teenager me did and i dont want to be or feel like that ever again but its fuckjng hard#this is so woe is me#im a liar bc i say the main text doesnt bother me but it bothers me alot im very envious of her speed prolificness and drive to create#and i have none like thats so unfair#this makes me sound ultra bitter god fucking damn it#i want to go to sleep and genuinely never fucking wake up again#please im done i just dont want to
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