#but my fatal flaw is i cant talk to anyone about my problems i just idk it was beaten into me that none of it matter | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

princessselene126 · 4 years

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Hey yall, emotional abuse, physical pain (not self harm, just illness pain), brief mention of periods, and shitty parents tws coming up.

So i generally try to keep my personal life off here unless I won’t be posting for a while and want to let you know why (like i did with my ear infection.), but I’m having a really bad week and a half and desperately need to vent. Feel free to completely ignore this because I don’t expect anyone to respond, I just need to get everything off my chest--although any suggestions as to what the fuck I should do are more than welcome.

My dad and stepmom have been controlling any emotionally abusive for pretty much my entire life--because you know, abuse doesn’t just start randomly and it’s not something that you can easily fix.

Anyway. When I went home for my ear infection, my stepmom got kinda mad about it. Mad might be the wrong word, controlling is probably better. I didnt tell her or my dad that I was coming home to see the doctor for a few reasons:

I knew if I told them, they’d tell me i should tough it out and go to class

They’d say that i was being over dramatic and that it couldn’t possible hurt that bad

They’d ask why I couldn’t have seen a doctor in Milwaukee (where my college is and 1.5 hours from home), why I needed to come home for something like that.

So I didn’t tell them. While I was home my stepmom texted me asking how I was doing. At the time she didn’t know I had an ear infection or that I was home, so of course like the idiot I am, I was honest and told her I came home sunday night. Seriously I think honesty is my fatal flaw. She, of course, asked why and I told her that “I cant think right now, let alone take a bus somewhere I’ve never been before. I tried to get into the dr at school, but they dont have any openings until wednesday.” I was able to get into my doctor at home on monday, two full days before I would have been able too at school, so it seems logical that id go home right? I couldnt hear out of my right ear anyway, so it’s not like I would have been able to pay attention in class and actually learn anything.

She drops it or that day.

But my stepmom, being my stepmom, of course texts me back a few days later (fthursday or friday i think) because she thinks that I should have tried harder to find a doctor here. She said, and I fucking quote this entire goddamn text

Hey so I just want to clarify with you ... you could have gone to a dr there you know? You guys didn’t have to come all the way home and back. good lord. Just find a clinic thats an urgent care or er. you might have had to pay more out of pocket, but so what? And you have 2 insuraces, so that wouldve helped more too. Just saying. So I thought I’d let you know instead of doing all that craziness back and forth. Make it easier on yourself next time kiddo.

And this has me fucking livid because:

I literally explained to her why I didn’t find someone in Milwaukee days before.

She’s insinuating that it’s too inconvenient for my mom to come get me.

And my stepdad had off on tuesday, so he gladly took me back too school. No questions asked. No complaints. He even bought my antibiotics for me (which I was totally prepared to pay the $10 for myself) before we left.

She’s talking down to me as if I had no idea that I could do this.

I can’t afford to pay more out of pocket right now, even if I might (read: MIGHT) get reimbursed for it later.

Going home literally WAS making it easier on myself.

So I send a screenshot of this text to my mom of course, and she replies almost immediately just going off. My mom and I havent always had the best relationship (she has some emotionally abusive habits too, but she knows about most of them, acknowledges them, and tries her best to fix them), but I know that she will always be there for me. She’s that person who will drive an hour and a half just to come make sure someone is okay, and she has done so 2-3 times in my 2 years at college. She doesn’t care if I’m 45 and living on the other side of the country, she will drive or by a plane ticket to hep me if/when need it. So my mom is beyond pissed off that my stepmom would ever imply that coming to get me, take care of me, is an inconvenience.

I reply a simple “i know” to my stepmom, because I know better than to give her a long winded explanation. She’ll just come back at me with an even longer block of text basically telling me how wrong/stupid i was to not just see a dr in the area.

And of course, of fucking course, she replies with a long block of text anyway basically telling me the same fucking thing. She does this several times and I keep doing the “i know” “yeah” “okay” thing because I just didn’t have the fucking ENERGY you guys.

But then she says

my goodness you’re a peach sometimes. Just trying to help and maybe you guys didn’t think of that.

So by this point in time my patience was completely GONE. I have absolutely none left. I know when my stepmom calls me a peach it’s just her “nice” way of saying “you’re being a fucking bitch.” ((Keep in mind this entire time I was taking screenshots and sending them to my mom so she could be mad with me.)) And so I fucking went off in the nicest way possible. I tell her

no, you’re trying to be in control of the situation that had absolutely nothing to do with you

I was going to just try going to a dr the next morning, but then my mom called and I was crying and she asked if I wanted to come home, so I said yes. It wasn’t an inconvenience to her, though it feels like you’re trying to make it seem that way. And [stepdad] had off so he was easily able to take me back.

I’m not an idiot, im an adult fully capable of doing things myself. But i also recognized that I needed help and accepted it when my mom noticed I did as well

Because yes. I was in so much pain that I was actually crying from it. I usually have a decent pain tolerance (horrific period cramps will do that to a person), but for some reason whenever I say that I’m genuinely in pain my stepmom never seems to think it could be “that bad.” And... that’s exactly how that went. I was soooo prepared to just tough it out and wait until Wednesday if I absolutely had to. But then my mom called and I may be 20 years old but there are those times when you’re an adult and you just need your parent. You need your parent to tell you it’s going to be okay. You need your parent to hold and comfort you. You need your parent to take you to the dr. And for me this was one of those times. I so very rarely ask for help but this time i needed it, and there’s no reason for my stepmom (or anyone) to make me feel like I should be ashamed of that.

So she said something brief to that and I didn’t reply back. Ne next moring she sends me another text starting off with something along the lines of “I’m hurt by how you treated me last night...” and I didn’t read the rest because I knew it would make me mad. I did, however send a screenshot to my mom again.

The next day I call both my mom and my paternal grandma to talk about this entire conversation.

My mom thinks that I should cut off ties with them for at least a few months because this has been overwhelming me so much. I agree with her, but I’m concerned about my younger siblings (not that they’ll get hurt or anything, but that I won’t be able to see them) and also my aunt is getting married in may.

And my grandma was livid too. She’s never liked my stepmom because she’s always thought that she’s treated me like shit. (For a long time i mistakenly believed that my stepmom was a better person than my mom, but I was an impressionable child/teenager then). My grandma and I talked about times when stepmom made me feel bad about myself or treated me as lesser than my half siblings. And my grandma agrees that I should keep my distance, but she asked me to not cut ties, and to keep a decent amount of peace, until after my aunt’s wedding.

Which I understand. I get it. I love my aunt a lot and I truly dont want to cause any problems at her wedding, she deserves the world. But at the same time I don’t know how much longer I can take this you guys. I’m supposed to go to a water park for a night with my dad, stepmom, and siblings during my spring break (it was a christmas present from my dad to the family) and I’m absolutely dreading it. I don’t want to go. My mom says I should just lie and say I have to work, but again, fatal flaw here is honesty, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that. I want to see my siblings too, but I really need to start taking care of myself.

I’ve spent far too long worrying about my family even after not living at home for the last two years. I need to take care of myself. I do. But I honestly don’t know how to do that without causing a family feud in the process.

And the reason this was all triggered again today (after not having talked to anyone on my dad’s side since saturday) is because I got a call from a random number while I was in class today. It was a call from my home city and whoever it was left a voicemail. In the back of my mind I started worrying that it was my dad and that he wanted to talk me into not being upset with my stepmom (he’s a terrible person too but that’s a rant for a different day).

I have yet to listen to it because the idea of talking about this with him makes me nauseous. At the same time, not knowing who called is making me overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t know what would be best:

Ignoring the voicemail, or listening to it and potentially having to talk to my dad?

Toughing out being around my family until after the wedding, or risk causing a family feud by cutting ties?

I just... I’m so lost you guys.

#personal #tasha talks #i could go into so much more detail about how fucking broken i am because of all of the things ive dealt with in my family #but this is the bare minimum needed to understand just what the fuck is going on right now #im not feeling ok #mr stark i dont feel so good #even trying to joke like that is falling flat right now #im in panic mode and i don't know how to stop #this has been keeping me up at night #seriously #i cannot sleep #i feel sick #and so drained #all i want to do is sleep #delete later #probably

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le0valdezisonfire · 7 years

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Honest opinion of THOO series? What did you think was the best and worst parts of it? How does it compare to the OG series lol. And most importantly LEO and his relationship?

this may be long LOL

so i LOVED pjo. honestly. there’s hardly anything i can say against it. the storyline was amazing and there were so many likable characters and it’s seriously one of the best series that has ever existed. it was very well written and each character had great character developments (especially luke).

and that’s mostly the problem in HOO. the books definitely felt rush. i loved the storyline, and the action scenes were great! many characters had really sad and well written back stories. however, that’s around where i start getting annoyed.

one of the only characters that i was completely fine with regarding development was hazel. her backstory was AWESOME and she was always straight up about her values. she supported her friends and showed feelings of uncertainty and mistrust within the other demigods and i really like that because it felt human. her ability to control the mist is AWESOME and she’s a badass character. I LOVE HER.

there’s so many things wrong with percy in HOO like his fatal flaw not existing until tartarus. i understand in the first two books his memory was bad, but after that he didn’t. the entire nico-percy relationship was completely ruined in HOO, i reblogged someone’s post which had pretty much everything wrong with it if anyone wants to scroll down to find it (it’s p recent tho) and there’s no way percy wouldn’t go out of his way to talk to his mom or grover and i forever wish their empathy link wasn’t weakened. (also if percy still had his achilles heal it’d be soo cool okay) like in TTC, grover wasn’t with percy but was able to motivate him through their link. imagine that but in tartarus? that would’ve helped percy sm. and i wish we got a reunion between percy and sally or grover. I WOULDVE CRIED SO HARD

jason’s character is soo annoying to me. i hate how he was compared with percy when they are nothing alike. i hate his relationship with reyna, they should be best friends still but that was completely ruined. i hate piper and reyna’s talk in the end of BOO that was supposed to fix everything. i dislike jasonxpiper in general and i feel like it was rushed. i also strongly dislike the way rick kept making reyna want to have a relationship with like every boy.

i loved franks character sm! i just wish when he became confident and all he didn’t get a major glow up from the blessing of mars. rick shouldve had the whole you can become confident without having a super hot bod bc either way you’re attractive asf vibe yknow?

there’s SO many things wrong with leo’s character. and i love leo so much. for starters leo would’ve had ptsd or something like it bc of his past, meaning he would not be completely okay with his fire powers. i wish there was more of him building the courage to accept himself and use the powers. i also wish his fatal flaw of not feeling needed (there’s a word for it i cant think of rn tho) was discussed more within the books. in my opinion leo’s mental health is in a bad shape in HoO and TOA and still no one has helped him and i find that very annoying. i wish nico and leo became good friends because they are very similar. also i still wish ace! leo was a thing.

and im not even gonna talk about caleo in this post because i’ll be here forever explaining how toxic that relationship is for the two of them etc but i dont wanna totally upset people who do ship them yknow?

i wish the seven was more of a family. we didn’t get too many moments where they all bonded together.

the final war with Gaea was terrible imo. i wanted more action and mentions of what everyone was doing including clarisse, grover, etc. this would’ve made the book too long which is probably why it wasn’t included. and i dont get how two demigods and a dragon were able to defeat the world itself. piper’s charmspeak is too unrealistically powerful. the book stated many times that children of the big three are the most powerful demigods so it really just doesn’t make sense for piper to have stronger charm speaking powers than gods themselves.

lastly i want to see the affects of tartarus on percy, annabeth, and nico. everything isn’t just okay because they’re out. they need to heal emotionally. giving nico a boyfriend doesn’t fix anything.

so yeah a lot of what i wish was included is about mental health and lot of what i wish wasn’t included is rushed relationships. and considering it is a children’s book ig you just cant include stuff like that. idk.

but this post is just me listing a bunch of the bads in the series, there’s still a huge amount of goods. one of my favorite parts was in the mark of athena where leo and hazel met echo. i also loved tartarus moments with bob

i do think that PJO and magnus chase are WAY better than HOO. so im not saying rick is bad at writing or anything because he is so not and he’s amazingly talented and creative and god bless him for creating these characters that i love sm

thanks for reading and hope you’re having a great day xD

#percy jackson #heroes of olympus #the heroes of olympus #hoo

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